#dont worry i find it hilarious

[nicovania]

every poll on this site for the next three days

[i-may-be-an-emu]

Some of my favourite out of context sfth ao3 tags because these are so funny (also all of these are from different fics)

Disclaimer that these aren’t mine :)

[ivy-creates]

i think i may have to selfship forever. online dating makes me feel like my brain is melting

[kresnikcest]

Recent thoughts… violet Elle making Ludger!Victor Valentine’s Day chocolates… Ludger!Victor being charmed by this (in part because he and Julius used to share chocolates for no reason other than being able to gift stuff) and making her chocolates in turn on White Day… cute ;-;

[avirael]

FFxivWrite 2024

Day 15 - Kindness (Free Day)

“Haurchefant!”, A’viloh yelled as he noticed the Elezen at the lower end of the staircase while looking down into the entrance hall. Quickly he followed him downstairs. “Rael told me you were looking for me.”

“Right.”, he said with a bright smile. “And here you are! I have to admit when you weren’t home yet when I arrived back home from the Congregation earlier, I was a little worried something might have happened to you on your way home.”

“Oh! No, I’m fine! I just brought Chloé to the stables and walked a bit through the city.”, the Miqo’te explained. “I am sorry if I caused you to worry.”

“No, it’s alright. I should have known you could take care of yourself after this impressive show of strength today.”, Haurchefant chuckled.

“Well... then let me use this opportunity to thank you once again for such a wonderful gift and also for your support and cheering me on like this.”, A’viloh said and smiled at the Elezen. “I wouldn’t have been able to do this without your and Rael’s help.”

But Haurchefant shook his head. “I’m sure you would have anyway. And it of course goes without saying that I should support such a good friend as you are.”

“I don’t think it’s that obvious.”, the Miqo’te pondered. “At least I am not taking it for granted. Also that you spent so much time with me the last few weeks. First at Camp Dragonhead, when I wasn’t feeling well, and now here. Your kindness helped me a lot in this strange city.”

Haurchefant laughed slightly and A’viloh realised what he had said. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to insult your home of course. Ishgard is beautiful, as is this house. Very comfortable in fact… but still… it’s so unfamiliar for me. And some days I feel horribly lost and lonely.”

“That’s only understandable…”, Haurchefant offered reassuringly. “But I am glad to hear I could help you. I only wish for you to be happy. After everything you’ve done for all of us, you certainly deserve it.”

“I don’t know…”, A’viloh said and the sadness still lingered on his face. “I am not as special as all of you make it sound sometimes…”

“Of course you are!”, Haurchefant protested but A’viloh just shrugged. For a moment the Elezen seemed to think, then he exclaimed, “Oh! I know something that might cheer you up! Have you ever seen northern lights?”

“Have I ever seen what?”, A’viloh replied in confusion.

“Oh, splendid!”, Haurchefants beamed and asked a servant to fetch their coats. “I think you would love the northern lights, come one!”

Too puzzled to protest A’viloh followed him to the door, where a servants already handed the Elezen their coats. Quickly Haurchefant put on his own coat before helping A’viloh into his and then opened the door for him.

“Thank you.”, the Miqo’te whispered. “But where are we going?”

“Only to the pavilion.”, Haurchefant explained. “Don’t worry, you won’t freeze! There should be a fire. I can’t promise that we will see any northern lights though. It is rare for them to be visible from the city, but at least the sky is clear enough to see the stars tonight, so there is a chance...”

So far the night sky had mostly been hidden by clouds since they arrived here in Ishgard. At least the stars had never been so clear and shining as they were this night.

A’viloh found it strange how the stars over such a far-away and cold city could remind him of the night sky in the desert. The constellations were slightly different of course but the sea of glimmering lights was just as infinite and beautiful as he remembered.

There in fact was a small fire lit in a crozier inside the little pavilion at the side of Fortemps manor. The tiny building had been positioned so you could overlook some of the rooftops of Ishgard and also have a free view at the snowy mountains and the night sky above.

Since A’viloh had forgotten his gloves he stretched out his hands to warm them at the fire. Meanwhile Haurchefant stepped closer towards the lookout over the city and let his eyes scan the sky.

“There!”, he suddenly exclaimed and raised an arm to point at the sky. “It’s not much, but look, there in the distance!”

Curiously A’viloh looked up and followed with his gaze where the Elezen pointed. At first he couldn’t see anything but after a moment he caught sight of the faint, green glowing whirls in the sky. He gasped and hurried to Haurchefants side, leaning onto the banister of the pavilion to get a better look at this curious, beautiful appearance. For a few moment he just wordlessly stared to the sky, his eyes shining brighter with wonder than the stars in the sky.

“This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…”, he whispered.

“Truly…”, Haurchefant replied but it wasn’t the sky he looked at. “There it is again, that pretty smile of yours.”

Startled A’viloh turned his eyes to Haurchefant who looked back at him smiling fondly.

Carefully the Elezen rested one hand on A’viloh’s and although it surprised the Miqo’te he didn’t pull it away. He wasn’t sure what this was but it felt comfortable. So often he felt horribly lost and hopeless and lonely but not when Haurchefant was around. His courage and cheerfulness were so contagious.

Tentatively the Elezen raised his other hand to caress A’viloh’s cheek and A’viloh couldn’t help but lean into the warmth he provided.

“I like you, A’viloh.”, Haurchefant confessed quietly and a little hesitantly the Miqo’te replied. “I like you too…”

He didn’t know if he really meant it the same way as him. But maybe this was enough for now.

“I would like to kiss you…”, the Elezen whispered almost silently and although it wasn’t a question it sounded like one.

What does it matter anymore?, A’viloh asked himself and nodded barely visible. Maybe I can be happy after all…

But he knew it felt wrong even before Haurchefants had leant down to him, about to close the distance between them.

He wanted to try, he wished it felt different but —

Wordlessly he raised a hand to the Elezen’s lips and turned away. Why did this feel so wrong all of a sudden? Why couldn’t he just he happy?

“I’m so sorry”, he whispered. “I can’t…”

Carefully he glimpsed to Haurchefant who looked so confused.

“There is someone else…”, A’viloh explained without really knowing anymore who it was he was talking about. But did it really matter? The result was the same. “There was, I mean… He is gone…”

“I am sorry…”, Haurchefant offered but A’viloh shook his head.

“No, I should be sorry.”, he repeated and evaded Haurchefants eyes with a sad expression on his face. “I’ve given you false hope. But I thought I could…”

“It’s alright.”, Haurchefant said softly and instead took A’viloh’s hand and pressed a light kiss to his knuckles. ”You really don’t need to explain yourself to me. And no need for such a sad face. Wasn’t this a wonderful evening until now?”

“It was.”, A’viloh agreed and smiled as he noticed the Elezen was still smiling at him too.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”, Haurchefant asked but A’viloh didn’t want to ruin the mood a second time. “Maybe another time…”

The Elezen reassuringly put a hand on his shoulder.

“Fine. But you can always talk to me if you want. You are a friend, A’viloh, and you will always be, no matter what.”

A’viloh felt so silly for rejecting someone as kind as Haurchefant. He was such an unconditional, wonderful friend. He himself on the other hand…

“I just wished I could be such a good friend for others as you are…”, the Miqo’te admitted and looked to the ground.

This seemed to surprise Haurchefant. “What makes you think you are not?”

Sharply A’viloh laughed. “Oh, only their faces when they look at me. Lately all I do is cause them to worry. Have you looked at Rael recently? Ever since we fled, every time I talk to them, they seem more and more troubled and withdrawn and I cannot tell why…”

“Hmmm…”, Haurchefant tilted his head in thought. “Rael certainly seems like something is bothering them and indeed they were worried about you. But are you sure this change is your fault? Do you think I should try to talk to them instead?”

“If Rael doesn’t talk to me, I doubt they will talk to you…”, A’viloh explained with a sigh. “If I just could so something to cheer them up…”

“Why don’t you?”, Haurchefant asked. “Certainly there is something Rael likes that would make them happy?”

“Books?”, A’viloh offered but didn’t sound convinced.

“I think there’s more than enough in our library already…”

“Magic and potions? But what do I know about that?”

“Isn’t Rael already studying with the astrologians? But maybe they would like to talk about it… what else?”

“Nature? Yes! And animals!”

“Ah! That’s something we can work with!”, Haurchefant exclaimed. “Sit down! I’ll pull the fire a bit closer. I’m sure we can figure something out….”

[hellcifrogs]

What would a Kenshi and Team 7 interaction look like. Like, would he be an uncle type cuz of Kakashi. Would he meet Team 7 pre-Shippuden, then meet them again when Sai joined and be like, “Sasuke, you look different.” I need to know.

God if Sasuke hadn't made such a show of leaving the village (with Naruto's loud help) that beautiful interaction could have been possible!

I honestly don't know how they would interact though... Kenshi's genins should graduate sometime between team Gai and the 9 rookies. (They're special little kids a.k.a. we couldn't pick a class for them) so they know of them, but maybe don't know them.

[theheartwoodinside]

Curse tablet! Curse tablet!!

actually this is maybe the most haunting curse tablet from bath

[housepartyprotocol]

Teammates

Oscar Piastri x teammate!reader

summary: Oscar and his teammate have a close hilarious relationship

Masterlist / TipJar

ynusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, lewishamilton and 2,109,851 others

ynusername Photo of oscar accurately describes how I feel going into my home gp

view all 10,293 comments

oscarpiastri how do you always find the worst photos of me

ynusername i take them bb oscarpiastri oh my god user best teamates on the grid

user if only the mclaren car was better for them

user i think mclaren should be more worried about yn's insane internet presence ynusername omg no..... dont tell them mclaren you are mistaken we live for this

lewishamilton home race !

georgerussell silverstone ! ynusername Brit squad assemble ! landonorris here we come !

user YN is my favourite driver by a landslide

ynusername

liked by oscarpiastri, lewishamilton, georgerussell and 1,992,938 others

ynusername he may've been schooled in this country but he is in desperate need of an education on pure culture

view all 41,291 comments

user I love the fact the minute she is not racing she has the craziest nails

user are they acrylics ynusername they are press ons, easy on easy off ynusername easy way to be hot

oscarpiastri I love that these are the photos you post, you're education was not coffee shops and bookshops

ynusername what nope it was very mundane oscarpiastri nothing with you is mundane user shots fired user petition for yn to release the other photos landonorris petition signed alexalbon petition signed

lewishamilton the most cultured driver crown might be passed down soon

ynpiastri omg can you knight me too lewishamilton i wish! user the crown needs to be passed on now

oscarpiastri

liked by ynusername, landonorris, lewishamilton, and 802,439 others

oscarpiastri Just shy of a podium but got to witness the united kingdoms honorary princess on a podium. (also its not her birthday, her birthday is in 8 months)

view all 99,204 comments

user its always her birthday!

user always !! ynusername it is! oscarpiastri I am not getting you gifts everyday user he gets her birthday gifts..

ynusername mclaren domination in the foreseeable future

oscarpiastri so soon user i love them user they should date

f1fanupdates

liked by 3,420 users

f1fanupdates For the uneducated and borderline uncultured, meet the McLaren cuties. Teammates YN LN and Oscar Piastri channel the Gen Z unmedia-trained craziness. Having known each other from F3 days, their social media makes McLaren admins have heart attacks. Both having wins under their belt, it makes them a very strong team, a force. Would I be lying if I said they would be cute together...

view all 198 comments

user I love them, they are my parents, together or not

user they are iconic I hope they never get trained

user they are the hottest drivers, McLaren slayed with this pairing

user preach

user I already thought they were dating

user no they are just friendly user I bet there are underlying feelings

ynusername

liked by oscarpiastri, lewishamilton, landonorris, and 2,202,420 others

ynusername checking out the opposition. checking OUT the opposition

view all 70,436 others

user she is unhinged

user she is iconic

user is she dating lewis

user nah lewis is married user since when?!?

oscarpiastri don't you dare jump ship

ynusername can't promise anything pooks oscarpiastri you better mclaren you better ynusername till death does us part x

lewishamilton you are not smart with this caption

ynusername innocent until proven guilty lewishamilton you are baiting him user WHO, LEWIS TELL US user OMgggg drama

oscarpiastri

liked by ynusername, lewishamilton, landonorris and 892,104 others

oscarpiastri pov we were meant to be at the technology centre at 9. One of us was

view 67,241 comments

ynusername nooo youve made me look bad, it was traffic

oscarpiastri So, thats not an ice cold coffee in the selfie you sent me ynusername no one was meant to see that oscapiastri nothing you send me is safe sweetheart ynusername I ... okay user omg is she lost for words

user thats possible??

user omg they sent each other photos

user thats not a crazy thing user just let me believe they have feelings

mclaren ohhhh thats why you were late

ynusername no not at all mother mclaren mother is disappointed oscarpiastri what is happening? mclaren its okay son oscarpiastri oh hell naw we are not siblings user hes not helping the rumours

ynusername

liked by oscarpiastri, lewishamilton, mclaren, and 2,579,546 others

ynusername A visual representation of me trying to soft launch a relationship

view all 278,543 comments

oscarpiastri is this why you have been screaming/wheezing in your drivers room for the last 30 mins

user omg she is just like the rest of us oscarpiastri shes been in tears screaming 'why do i have none without his face!!' ynusername you are out of line Piastri oscarpiastri wow, not the surname

lewishamilton very very accurate

ynusername huh lewishamilton we are going to talk soon ynusername @ anyone HELP ME oscarpiastri nothing can help you now

user okay so who do we think it is

user oscar user oscar user oscar user ah so a universal thought

f1fanupdates

liked by 8,250 users

f1fanupdates It has been five months since this soft launching started! We are almost in Abu Dhabi, and YN is still just teasing her partner. We all think it is Oscar, but it is still unknown. No matter who it is though, they look good together

view all 942 comments

user OSCARRRRR

user Imagine it is not oscar and it is some poor guy and now he's upset

user oh user thats a good point

user OscarYN for life

oscarpiastri

liked by ynusername, lewishamilton, landonorris, and 1,240,567 others

oscarpiastri Hoping on the soft launching YN's relationship train

view all 82,459 comments

ynusername wow, thats my next post ruined

lewishamilton for the love of all that is good, just post him ynusername booo oscarpiastri no booo its getting boring ynusername you think that, really.. ? oscarpiastri i do yn girl

user this is hilarious

user i thought this was an YN post at first user same! user oscar is getting sick of it lol

mclaren There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded

user not mclaren quoting princess Diana user wouldn't it be four, mclaren, oscar, yn, yns partner user i think you are delusional user i think they are right user mclaren outing there relationship...

ynusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, lewishamilton, and 2,520,636 others

ynusername my man my man my maaaan

view all 97,577 comments

user its officalllll guys

user im so happy i was right user they look amazing together user hot couple

oscarpiastri finally a hard launch pookie

oscarpiastri was wondering when you would do it ynusername i was teeing it up lewishamilton its been a good 8 months of you two sneaking around the paddock landonorris we all knew maxverstappen i walked in on them making out fully behind the mclaren hospitatility alexalbon we all did that day, it was basically public information

mclaren our evil plan finally worked

ynusername your what... oscarpiastri your what... mclaren nothing, doors sometimes just lock on accident user not mclaren admin confessing to playing cupid mclaren not just me, everyone, Zak once hid YN's car keys so Oscar had to drive her home ynusername WHAT OMG I FEEL BETRAYED

oscarpiastri

liked by mclaren, ynusername, landonorris, and 1,924,250 others

oscarpiastri HR approved of photos 1 and 2 of my girlfriend

view all 45,266 others

user goddamm

ynusername OSCAR

oscarpiastri hey georgus ynusername georgus? oscarpiastri thats you landonorris you guys make me sickkk ynusername love you toooo oscarpiastri hey... ynusername x

mclaren we do not approve of the 3rd

oscarpiastri I do not want another HR meeting ynusername THIS ONE WASN'T MY FAULT! DON'T MAKE ME SIT THROUGH ANOTHER user what happened last time.. mclaren setting work place phyiscal intimacy boundaries ynusername Oscar is not a good influence on me oscarpiastri you aren't a good influence on anyone love

user I love these two so much

user best teammates on the grid

user the next brocedes ynusername we arent having a dramatic public break up lewishamilton oh

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

hi baby!! dont worry!! it was about reader getting so stressed and annoyed while building a gingerbread house that they throw it in the garbage because its going all wrong and carmy finds it hilarious lol then he builds one for her hehe<3 love u

Perfectionist.

Your boyfriend being a professional chef has its perks - especially when it comes to gingerbread houses.

pairing - carmen berzatto x female reader warnings - cursing word count - under 1k!! short and sweet author's note - just a little dose of carmy at christmas for you. thanks baby angel for sending this request in (twice!!) <3

masterlist. inbox.

"Fuck this."

Carmy hears your raised voice and immediately comes running, coming to a halt in the doorway of the kitchen.

"You good, baby?"

"No."

The frown on your face is amusing him to no end, fighting to keep his smile from breaking out. He doesn't want to minimise your feelings, but you're cutest when you're mad.

Carmy takes in the scene in front of him, surveying carefully. There's chunks of gingerbread scattered across the table, icing dripping from the tablecloth. Your kitchen looks like a candy store exploded - sweets in red, green and blue littered over every surface. You're caked in frosting, hair falling into your eyes as you take deep breaths to try to keep your anger at bay.

"I knew this wouldn't be easy, but fuck me, Carmy... I'm on the brink of a breakdown here."

He makes his way over, grinning like an idiot. It's not often he gets to help you with things - you're fiercely independent, determined to get stuff done all by yourself. He likes teaching you, getting to feel like he's easing your worries a little.

"You want my help?"

"I said I'd do it," you huff, on the verge of stamping your feet and pushing the table over.

"It won't kill you to ask for what you need, baby."

You roll your eyes, bottom lip caught between your teeth. It's difficult for you to admit defeat, but you might rip your hair out if your gingerbread collapses one more time.

"Can you help me, Carm?" you whisper.

"What was that, honey? Say it again?"

You sigh in exasperation, slumping back into your chair.

"Can you help me, Carmen? Please?"

He beams at you like the cat that got the cream, making his way over to sit next to you at the table.

"Lets start again, hmm?"

"Good idea."

You pick up the remnants of your gingerbread house and throw them so forcefully, the trash can almost tips over. Carmy laughs, wrapping his arms around you from behind.

"I think we've finally found the one thing you're not good at, honey. It's a Christmas miracle."

You can't help but chuckle, leaning your head back to rest against his shoulder. He presses a kiss or four into your neck, nosing at the spot under your ear.

"Okay, Mr Michelin Star. Show me what you got."

You bake, first, Carmy explaining how to get the perfect texture you need for structural soundness. He even gets out a ruler, measuring the rolled out dough so the sides will be even.

He kisses you lazily while your gingerbread is in the oven. You're propped up on the counter as he stands between your legs, arms thrown around his shoulders. He tastes like cinnamon and spice, groaning when you lick the sugar straight from his tongue.

When it's cooled, you begin your assembly, sitting back while Carmy trims and remeasures. He draws out a template with a pencil and cuts accordingly, ensuring each piece has a straight edge. You watch in awe as he works, so careful, so attentive. You're fighting not to jump his bones at any given moment.

It's time to build, and Carmy has the perfect plan. He's made a thickened sugar syrup that acts as a glue, hardening when it dries and keeping everything together. His tongue darts out to wet his lips as he concentrates, determined not to mess this up for you.

He steps back, then, to let you decorate. You clearly have a vision, your picturesque idea of what you wanted your original creation to look like. Carmy makes you multiple bags of icing in different colours, and melts down candies so you can make windows and doors. He opens packets of chocolates, and carves into them with a knife to make little trees for the yard.

Hours later, when you're both covered in powdered sugar and melted chocolate, you step back to admire your masterpiece.

"Holy shit, Carm."

"We did good, huh?"

"Is there like, a business in this? Can we do this for a living?"

He laughs, the sound vibrating through you from where his chest his pressed to your back. He's got you tightly in his arms, swaying gently to the soft music that plays from the radio.

"What were you saying about finding the one thing I wasn't good at, Berzatto? Hmm?"

He spins you, pressing his forehead into yours.

"I take it back. I take it all back, baby. You're good at everything."

"Especially gingerbread houses."

"Especially gingerbread houses."

You lean up to kiss him, wiping some frosting off his cheek with your thumb.

"Thanks for not making me feel like an idiot."

"I would never. Life is a learning curve, baby, You taught me that."

"I love you," you whisper. "And just so you know, we're never eating that. It's going to have to be display only."

He laughs, full chested and whole hearted, moving his hands to cradle your face.

"I love you too, baker extraordinaire. We don't need to eat it, anyway. We've got all this candy to get through."

You reach behind him to pick up a chocolate, tossing it into your mouth.

"It isn't as sweet as you," you wink.

A blush rises up his cheeks as he rolls his eyes, pulling you in closer.

"Merry Christmas, baby."

"Merry Christmas, Carmen."

[luxthestrange]

Avatar Incorrect quotes#51 WHAT DID YOU SEE-

What I find so hilarious...is to the Na'vi...we are the equivalent of cats/dogs on earth...the clans are just...so worried when their humans eat things they shouldn't, climb things they shouldn't...are not aware of their surroundings- Okay but THIS IS ABOUT YOU...and the magical thing called..."Zoning out" and disassociations-

Y/n*Is currently making a bracelet and all of sudden stares up into a corner...stares up at the trees*...

Na'vi*Noticed you doing the...odd stare thing, never seeing you look so emotionless*??

Y/n*Goes back to braiding the bracelet*!~

Na'vi*Losing it and looking up at the same spot you were*-WHAT DID IT SEE!?!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tonowari*Seeing his children playing with Jakei's*Oh well... this is nice, your children are fast learners they swim well -Where's Y/nSully

Jake*Looking around* Ehhh I dont know...

Tonowari*Spots...a floating body on the sea, just...unresponsive, feeling his heart rate spike up*OH EYWA IS THAT THEM!?

Jake*Spots you and smiles,stops Tonowari from running to your "rescue"*Oh yeah thats them!

Tonowari: ARE THEY OKAY!?

Jake: Oh yeah as kids and thru out our teenage years they liked to play dead in the pool or sea...

Tonowari*Is processing the information*...W-why?-

Jake: We stopped asking those questions a while ago...

Tonowari:...Okay...are you sure they're okay?

Jake*Shruging awkwardly with a smile*...Eeee-Eighty % sure...I'll check...

Jake picks up a stick and...aims it at you back but, making it bonk you on the head...

Y/n*Lifts head up with a glare*OOOW!?

Jake*Gives Tonowari a thumbs up*...Trust me... they're having the time of their life over there

Later on today, I have a surprise for y'all avatar readers!I saw a comment about spider!~

[signedkoko]

Hi! I’ve absolutely loved all of your headcannons-

I was wondering if I could request a: vox/mammon x reader where when they (the reader) gets frightened they literally jump into vox/mammons arms?

Could the characters be separate? Idk how to request it’s sorta my first time doing it

Mammon | Vox [Romantic]

In which when frightened, you opt to get as close to your significant other as possible.

Both of you are easily frightened people

You are way easier to scare, but still, you really would think Mammon could take a jumpscare

If something ever sneaks up on the two of you, you aren't just jumping into his arms; no, he's sweeping you off your feet and turning tail

Probably makes it worse for you

Because yeah, you, the small demon are scared, but a sin? The prince of greed? Scared? Then it must be really bad

There is no scenario where he would leave you behind; even with a real threat, he opts to run even if he could overtake them

Any risk to your life is too great a risk; he can hire whoever the fuck he wants to handle the people later

Vox has seen it all

Snuff films, brought the knife down on someone himself, terrified hellborns and sinners into his whim

Not scared of anything, maybe something niche, but hes way more likely to hate and be angry at something than to be scared of it

He is the fight to your flight

The first time someone jumps at you two, he already has guards shredding them into a pulp

More surprising is that he has to register that you are literally clinging to him, and hes rushing to support you with his arms so you dont slide down him

He laughs at you

Sorry not sorry! But that is absolutely hilarious to him, he will tease and prod at you over and over until you threaten to let go

Then he shuts up real quick, because no, he likes what this does for his ego

" Tch. Don't worry, angel; we all know you need the big and powerful Vox to protect you. "

Just wait until you find out what hes scared of and he jumps so high that his head slams into the four-metre cieling

Author's Note - A small little smth smth, which was nice to cleanse my palette,,, sorry for the delay and thank you for requesting!!

[theehorsepusssy]

Fat Cobra was down the street on Ainsworth and had really good cruising in the back. There was one big booth in the corner that also had an old office desk randomly in it. The desk was convenient to fuck on. The area was also thick with crack whores who would take johns back there to trick. I was witness to a memorable exchange between a cocksucker and a crack whore arguing over the booth. It was like a real life Bravo Housewife show. I once lost an entire 8ball of meth in the fisting DVD rental corner. The store was located beside a middle school and i remember they had a press conference when they opened the store and some dragqueen told the parents to calm down that their kids werent old enough to enter the store and they should worry more about the underperforming test scores that the stupid kids in that school reported. i usually dont find drag queens funny but that shit was hilarious.

[overtail]

hi!! can i req a toph x fem!reader with “you came….”, “you called.” (is it also fine if r is a firebender?) thank youu!! :))

OMG THIS IS MY FIRST REQUEST YOU DONT KNOW HOW EXCITED I AM???

I'd love to do that for you! hehe

Sorry if there are typos i was on a road trip 😔

...

"you came.." "you called."

Toph x Fem!Reader

⛰️🔥

Summary: After Toph's childhood best friend is banished from Gaoling along with her family, she finds out that all she needed to do was ask her to come back to her.

Trigger Warning: Implied Abuse, smooching

Reader Info: Female intended, Firebender, Lesbian,

Extra: Toph is aged up to 16! The story of Avatar takes longer in this AU

...

The letters were the only thing Toph had of her. She was the only person outside of her family that bothered to learn how to write braille, so it had more meaning that anyone else realized.

(Y/N) was the type of person you could never let go. She was kind, considerate, and still had the ability to be playful and hilarious. She never minded that Toph was blind, and supported her through all of the things she wanted to accomplish -- like being the blind bandit. She was like a fire, burning the passion in Toph's heart.

Toph met (Y/N) in school, before Toph was homeschooled. They were both seven, and the whole class was practicing their writing. Toph sat there quietly, listening to the snickers of her taunting classmates.

"We're going to practice our letters."

The teacher's voice was old, and Toph could sense that she didn't want to deal with the rowdy kids. A boy giggled beside her, before Toph heard the shuffling of his clothes, raising his hand.

"How is she supposed to write?"

The boy pointed to Toph, and the class laughed. Toph frowned, crossing her arms and scrunching her eyes closed. She felt her face become hot with embarrassment.

"Oh shut up Ying!"

A girl said aggressively, scoffing at the boy's remark.

Toph heard stomping growing louder and louder, until Ying was shoved roughly against the wooden floors of the classroom. Small gasps were heard from around, causing Toph to smile slightly.

"Ms (L/N)!"

The teacher yelled, running over to check up or Ying.

The boy held the back of his head, tears rolling down his chubby cheeks. (Y/N) frowned, crossing her small arms and looking at the roof.

"Do not push people!"

(Y/N) groaned, crouching down so she was eye level with Toph.

She heard (Y/N)'s feet pivoting on the floor, causing her to turn her head in the direction of the noise.

"Don't worry -- i won't let them bully you."

Toph stopped writing her after her parents told her to, 'not write that evil girl'. It was only eight months after their family was sent away from Gaoling, but it felt like an eternity to Toph.

Toph didn't think she was evil.

The day was so unexpected, so sudden. Toph was the only person in the village that knew about (Y/N)"s family and their origin, who they were.

Two generations before (Y/N), her family arrived in Gaoling as refugees from the fire nation. Her grandfather, an ex-general, was sent away for treason. He took his people with him, ending up in Toph's village after a year of travel.

(Y/N) was born a firebender. Her family always encouraged her to hide the power, to act as a non-bender. It was easy, at first, since she had no one to teach her -- until Toph.

Even though Toph wasn't a firebender, she still told (Y/N) fighting tactics to be a bender from her classes. In secret, (Y/N) would practice. She would practice long and hard because she thought she might need it someday.

That was her demise.

"When's your next match?"

(Y/N) asked in the darkness of the cave, a small fire blooming from her palm. Toph thought for a moment, her fighting stand loosening. (Y/N) tossed the flame between her palm, the warm light reflecting on her face.

They were both ten years old. Toph was the youngest fighter in the secret earthbending matches, and (Y/N) attended all of them. She was the Blind Bandit's biggest fan.

"Tomorrow evening, i think."

(Y/N) hummed, leaning back on the rock she was sitting on. She winced as her left arm grazed against the rock, still raw from her injury.

"How does it feel?"

Toph asked, causing (Y/N) to look up.

"What?"

"The burn, how bad does it hurt?"

(Y/N) let out a small, 'oh', before looking down to her arm. It was bandaged up with a white cloth gauze, hiding the evidence of her parents anger.

She shrugged, flipping her arm over to inspect the bandages.

"I mean, it's fine. Doesn't hurt as bad as it did when mom got mad."

Toph nodded solemnly, huffing out an exasperated breath.

"You should really tell someone, y'know."

She was only greeted with a groan, knowing that meant no.

"I can't -- they'll wonder how she burnt me. It's kind of hard to lie when it's the shape of a handprint.."

(Y/N) laughed weakly, leaning back carefully so to not bump the scar. She sighed, closing her eyes and dropping the flame.

Toph dropped the rock she was levitating in front of her, hitting the ground with a 'thump!'. She turned her feet, walking over to where (Y/N) laid.

"You don't need to comfort me."

(Y/N) didn't need to open her eyes to see what Toph was doing. She would lay next to her, hold (Y/N) close. There was always something between them, something unidentifiable, something that normal friends didn't have.

They never really recognized this 'feeling', only letting it happen. Even if they did like eachother, their family would approve.

But they don't.

Right?

"Oh come on, you know you need it."

Toph crawled onto the flat boulder scrambling over to where (Y/N) was. She reached her hand over her torso, wrapping her hand around (Y/N)'s waist.

Even though she said she didn't want it, (Y/N) leaned in. Toph was significantly smaller than her, but she still placed her forehead on her collar.

"See. Toph is always right."

(Y/N) scoffed, roller her eyes under her eyelids. She sighed, thinking about what to say next.

Her face was horribly hot, and she was actually thankful that Toph was blind for once. Despite her 'luck', Toph could still hear her heart beating at a surprisingly fast speed.

"Hey, why's your hear-"

"Wanna hear about a new trick i learned?!"

(Y/N) quickly interrupted Toph, wanting to avoid the question. She removed herself from Toph's grasp, scooting off the boulder. She stood up, dusting off her uniform and clearing her throat.

Toph shifted, sitting fully. She felt a stab in het heart, confused as to why (Y/N) was so sudden to leave.

"Sure..?"

(Y/N) shifted awkwardly, swallowing the lump in her throat.

"Okay so.."

As she described the move to Toph, rolling a ball of fire from the top of her hands across her arms and over her shoulders, making its way to her other hand, a rumbling feeling settled in Toph's stomach

She tried to listen to (Y/N), but every few seconds she swore she heard footsteps echo in the floor.

"Hey (Y/N)-"

"See, you gotta move your hair so you don't catch fire."

Toph was now sure that the sounds were footsteps. Her stomach sank.

"(Y/N) hold on-"

(Y/N) was too focused on trying to not catch fire to listen to Toph's worried plea. Toph stood up, walking quickly over to the firebender.

"Wait, stop for a moment-"

"Ms. Beifong?"

Oh spirits.

Toph turned to the voice, her face going pale. She grew sick at the voice, recognizing as one of her bodyguards.

(Y/N) let the fire fade out, also looking at the bodyguard. He looked at (Y/N), stepping back.

He looked back to Toph, beckoning her over to him.

"Ms. Beifong, step away from her."

Toph shook her head quickly, running a few steps forward to the bodyguard.

"Listen, shes-"

"She's a firebender!"

The bodyguard grasped Toph's wrists, shoving her behind him. She almost fell back out of the entrance of the cave, but caught herself.

She reached out, shooting up. a wall of rock from the floor in front of the bodyguard. He stopped in his tracks, turning around to look at Toph.

(Y/N) cowered, breaking a sweat. She was caught.

...

Toph sat on a log around the campfire, holding five pieces of paper in her thin hands.

She rubbed her thumb over the bumpy text, sighing softly.

A week ago, while the Gaang was stopping off in Ba Sing Se for a quick bite, Toph had an idea. It had been four years since she left her family behind, but this whole time, she never wrote a letter to (Y/N).

She thought it'd be stupid -- surely she wouldn't even remember who Toph was. There was a possibility that she also left her family, or, the worst outcome, she hated Toph for never speaking to her.

Toph had injured her ankle after hopping off Appa earlier that day, and Katara said that she should stay at camp instead of going out to find food with the rest of her friends. She was, of course, very angry by this, but it was four vs. one.

So, she listened to the crackling of the fire, petting a sleeping Momo softly and reading the letters. It was her guilty pleasure.

As she read the last letter she ever received from (Y/N), she heard a stick break in the woods. Both her and Momo looked up, ears perking at the noise.

Toph jumped up, limping over to where Aang left his staff. Momo chirped behind her hopping over to her hurt ankle and holding onto it.

"Momo, shut up."

She hissed, grabbing the wooden staff. Toph turned her head to hear all of her surroundings, trying to find where the noise came from.

Ruffling of leaves to her left.

She turned and limped towards the campfire, going around it and facing a cluster of trees.

"I can hear you! Give up."

She yelled, getting into a fighting stance. She hissed, her hurt ankle not used to the pressure.

The crunching of leaves turned into soft footsteps, growing louder and louder until Toph swung the staff in front of her.

Then it came to a sudden stop.

A hand had caught it in its motion, stopping before Toph could hit the perpetrator. She let out a few curses, taking a step back.

She reached her hand out, lifting a few rocks to the side of the figure. Before she could launch the rocks at them, a cold palm graced their cheek.

She stopped in her tracks, startled by the feeling.

"What the-"

"Toph."

She swatted the hand from her face, surprised at the fact they knew her name.

"Who are you?"

"Toph."

And then she realized.

She opened her eyes wide, a small gasp choking out of her throat. The voice was deeper than she remembered, more mature and aged. Toph tilted her head, trying to process what was really going on.

Toph reached up, touching the tips of her fingers to their cheekbone. She slid it down her cheek, touching her jawline and holding the knob of her chin. Her fingers graced her soft lips, touching the tip of her nose and sliding up to run her fingers though the taller's hair.

She felt a sob in her throat, realizing who it was. Everything felt so familiar all of a sudden, like she was a little kid playing in the sun again.

"(Y/N)."

It was one word, just a simple utter of a name, but it held so much meaning to both of them. Toph hadn't said that name since she was eleven, not even bothering to speak of her to anyone.

She launched forward, bringing (Y/N) in for a tight hug. She was much taller now, towering over Toph's small figure. Her hair was longer, and she had the body of a woman -- not like the ten year old Toph remembered.

"Y-You got my letter?"

Toph felt so weird talking so weakly like this, but life felt so simple with (Y/N) there.

"Yeah, I did."

Toph could sense the smile through her words, only hugging (Y/N) tighter. She hugged back, holding the back of Toph's head with her hand. Her other landed on Toph's waist, bringing the shorter against her.

When sending the letter, she asked (Y/N) to come to Ba Sing Se. Toph never believed that she would actually come, let alone find her way miles out from the kingdom to find her.

"You came.."

(Y/N) pushed Toph back gently, looking down at the girl below. She smiled kindly, leaning down.

"You called."

Before Toph could think, (Y/N)'s lips grazed hers, a soft kiss planted on her lips. She pulled back too quickly, and Toph already missed the contact. She grabbed (Y/N)'s face, bringing her back down and kissing her again.

...

BONUS!!

"Who the hell is that?"

Sokka said, looking to Toph and (Y/N) as they laid cuddled up in her tent. The morning sun peeked behind Sokka and Katara as they looked curiously.

"I have.. no idea."

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

You let Ghost break you in and Johnny gets to watch

PAIRING: Simon “Ghost” Riley x Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x F!Reader 

WARNINGS: || 18+ only MDNI || butt sex ||

A/N: this chapter is just pure Nastiness, i dont know what else to say about it lmaooo || without @ohbo-ohno and her massive galaxy brain, this chapter would not be half as horny as it is (love you bo)

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4

____

The rules of your engagement had been simple:    Don’t speak.  Don’t lose concentration.  Finish reading the report.  Collect your reward.

So you’d complied, like their good fucking girl.  You’d gotten on all fours, taken Soap in your mouth while Ghost had lodged his cock deep inside your cunt.  They’d both fucked you with slow, lazy, indulgent strokes of their hips that felt almost like an after thought—but you couldn’t blame them.  After all, while you couldn’t quite see you could hear the wet sounds of their tongues as they made out above you.  You were enjoying the leisurely pace they’d set, but you’d kept your eyes firmly on the report Ghost had gotten you to read.

And you’d been doing so well.

Shame the same couldn’t be said for Soap.  

Johnny had gasped suddenly, jerked away from Ghost with a start, grabbed your hair and started to thrust into your mouth with purpose, the rumble in his throat an unmistakable sign of how close he was to that blessed precipice.        

But of course, that meant he’d broken the rules Ghost had set for him.  His attention was supposed to be on Ghost.  

Ghost had pulled himself out of you and you’d almost whined in protest—but everyone was going to be punished, it seemed, and Ghost had used uncharacteristic gentleness to push Soap away from you too.  

Johnny didn’t take it well, having been so close to finishing in your mouth, so eager for that sweet release after hours of foreplay that when he’d left the hot cave of your mouth, he’d been almost ravenous.  You’d glanced down at his cock, the tip an angry red, jutting upwards, hard and slick and beautiful with the evidence of your attention on him.  You’d even gone so far as wanting to protest on Johnny’s behalf, but when Ghost had obliged him to tuck himself back into his trousers with just a hard, unblinking stare, you’d decided to shut your mouth and keep it shut.

____

You almost forget about the whole thing, but of course, you should have known better, and obviously, it’s all far from over.  

You only realise the part you have to play in Johnny’s punishment a few days later when you find yourself in his room, in his bed with Ghost, but Johnny isn’t allowed on.

It takes you a second or two to understand what’s happening—you’re clearly the last one that does because Johnny just makes his way to the small chair in his room, whilst you’re tugging Ghost by his hand onto the bed.  “Erm, where are you off to?” you call out to Johnny, and the sound of your own voice makes you giggle.

(You’ve long since reached the conclusion that every sound that leaves you is hilarious once you’ve had a few drinks).      

Johnny’s eyes nervously dart to Ghost and then back to you.  He opens his mouth to speak, but looks at Ghost, then closes his mouth again.  You assume Ghost’s expression gives him the green light to tell you—what the fuck?—and he looks back at you with a slightly strained smile.  “Why don’t y’two go ahead and start?  I’ll join ye in a second, bonnie.” 

“...in a second?”  You’re confused, you’re so confused, and you drop Ghost’s fingers that you’d been absentmindedly playing with and push away from him, looking between him and Johnny.  “Boys…what—what’s going on?”

Simon pulls you back into him, and the feeling of his warmth behind you instinctually relaxes you.  “It’s all good, love, don’t worry about Soap.  He’s okay with this, isn’t he?  Aren’t ya, Sgt?”

“Yes, sir,” Johnny grumbles, but his eyes sparkle with interest as he watches Ghost nudge your top away with his nose, kissing his way up from your shoulder to your jaw.  He’s sloppy about it too, leaving a wet trail on your skin. 

Johnny slowly lowers himself onto the chair, but his posture is far from relaxed—he’s leaning forward towards you, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together as though in prayer—and his eager eyes follow the movement of Ghost’s lips on your skin.  “Ye can still enjoy yourself, bonnie,” he murmurs.  “Simon’ll take care of ye.”

“Okay, Johnny,” you breathe, unable to keep your eyes open and blissed out as Ghost’s seemingly gentle kisses descend gradually into bites and licks and nips at the sensitive skin behind your ear.  He uses the opportunity to lead you deeper onto the bed, and you end up kneeling on it while he stands with his back to Johnny, obscuring your view of him entirely.  You try to refocus on Ghost, and he pulls the balaclava off entirely when you tip your face up to him for a kiss, eager to feel his lips on yours.  

It’s…been a while.  It’s been more than just a while. 

You’re not part of their dumb boys only club, and it’s been weeks since you’ve seen the two of them with nothing eating into your time together—not broken rules of engagement, not the clandestine operations that take them away from you, and not some other stupid shit that goes on around the place.  No, you’ve got them now, both of them and entirely to yourself, and you intend to take full advantage.     

And it seems that Ghost wants you to start right here, with him.  

Kissing Ghost has always made you feel like you need to be there and take it, all of it, whatever he gives you.  A scarred, rough, scraped up hand comes up to guide your chin to drop for him so that he can devour your mouth, explore it, map it, commit it to memory. His thoroughness is unyielding, his attention to every detail about you steadfast and unquestionable.  

Ghost knows that a gentle hand around your neck will make you press closer to his chest, eager for contact, eager for connection, but he knows that the slightest tightening of his fingers will draw a gasp, and then a moan.  He knows that his other hand, winding around your back and cupping the back of your neck will draw a whine out of you, make you soften your shoulders, melt into him.

Ghost is the kind of man who, if you could trace his lineage, you know you’d find a God.

Under all the performative bullshit lay someone who may not understand you yet, who you are and what you want, but he knew what you needed when you were vulnerable for them like this, and you find yourself grateful for it all the same, revelling in the knowledge that this is more than enough. 

When he pulls away from you, it takes you a second to open your eyes.  

“Remember wha’ we talked about?”

 Your eyes flicker between his, the whites standing starkly against the dark, melted caramel, and you nod yes.

“Out loud,” he instructs.

“Yes, sir, I remember,” you whisper.  

“Good.  On your stomach, then, soldier.” 

____

You wonder what he sees when he looks at you like this.  You wonder what Johnny sees.

You’re on your knees for Ghost, spread as wide as they’ll go, chest to the bed.  You’re not allowed to speak except to answer him directly, or tap out if it all gets to be too much. 

It’s been hours.  He’s had you in every single way but one.   

And Ghost is…well.  Heh.  Ghost, in his infinite altruism, is demonstrating to Soap how he’s preparing your ass to take him. Ghost is unbelievably gentle with you, and you’ve come on his fingers and tongue twice already—it’s made you loose and languid and rendered you absolutely cock-dumb.  You’ve been prepping for this for weeks without them (you didn’t even want to ask where on earth they’d found a plug for you on base) and it was paying you back in spades.  You’d never been more relaxed, more comfortable, and Ghost?  Well, Ghost was having a good time.

As if in direct response to your thoughts, Ghost spreads your cheeks and you hold your breath as you feel him blow a warm stream of air, right fuckin’ there, and it makes you shudder, an earthquake down your spine.

“Look at her, Johnny,” he whispers.  “Isn’t she fuckin’ perfect?”

It’s rhetorical, of course, and you can’t see his expression but you wish you could when Johnny chokes out a raspy, “Perfect, Lt.”

You feel Ghost shifting behind you, adjusting further, until you feel teeth on your cheeks, just the hint of his canines digging into the supple flesh.  “Fuck,” you moan, and it makes him exhale air harshly through his nose in amusement.  When he finally drags his tongue to the centre, you hold your breath, hold yourself as still as possible, biting your bottom lip.  Hard.  

Ghost is sloppy about it.  He’s loud and messy, trying to bury his face inside of you.  You feel his nose dig into you, the barely day-old stubble scrape against your sensitive skin, you feel everything.  You think you can see colours through your closed eyes at this point, so hard do you clench your eyes shut from the stimulation.  

So far gone are you that you don’t even realise that Johnny’s here beside you, your sweet Johnny, brushing your sweaty hair away from your face and cooing at you, murmuring to you.  You open one eye to look at him, try to lift your face up to kiss him, but Ghost uses the tips of his fingers on your lower back to push you right back down, and so you end up where you began—cheek smushed against the bed, begging to be fucked, begging to be put out of your misery, begging for Johnny, for Ghost, for them to do something other than tease you.

Thankfully, Johnny seems to hear your thoughts because fingers that you know aren’t Ghost’s make their way to your cunt, sliding in like a dream, synchronising their thrusts with Ghost’s licks, driving you to a whole new level of insanity.  Pleasure blooms in the pit of your gut, travelling in all directions, holding you as its willing captive.  

“God, please Johnny, please please,” you moan, and he murmurs to you again, but you can’t even attach meaning to the sounds.  You don’t even understand what you’re begging for, you just need that elusive something, that one thing that’s going to make you feel good now now now and you don’t know how to get it, you don’t know if you can and it makes you even more desperate, feeding the cycle once more, leaving you feeling like a screen door in a storm.                   

Ghost pulls away, uses just the tip of his fingers, spreading the slick around your asshole, over and under but not quite giving you the blessed relief of slipping inside you yet.  No, you’re being tormented, and you don’t even know why. 

“Please, Ghost…you promised,” you murmur, and moan when both his palms squeeze the fullness of your ass.  And that’s all you get.  No verbal response, no confirmation that he’s heard you, nothing.  It’s like your body is a toy for his amusement, and you clench involuntarily, your heart galloping in your chest at the thought.  It’s exactly what you’d asked of him, of both of them, to be their plaything, to be a thing they could use, an object for them to keep themselves busy, and you were so fucking happy, so fucking proud that Ghost was finally taking you up on it.             

Ghost works you up to take just the tip of his finger inside you, just a little past the apex of his nail, and your responding moan is fervent, sincere.  You grip the sheets around you and find that you're clenching in anticipation, even down to your toes.  “God, that’s really good,” you breathe.  

 “Johnny!” Ghost barks, and at once, he’s on attention, ready to please.  Like a dog on the shortest leash known to man, Johnny’s ready for the next set of instructions.  You think you won’t hear them, but they’re snappy and clear.  “Hold her open for me,” Ghost instructs, and Johnny’s pulling his fingers out of you (to equal parts of dismay and excitement on your part), and spreading your cheeks wide, keeping them spread wide.   

You hear shuffling behind you, the cap of a bottle popping open, one of them kissing the other, quickly, quietly.  A moment later, you find that your spine relaxes further, warm lube dripping generously from Ghost’s fingers to your asshole, your inner thighs, on to the bed below you.

He’s going back to his previous form of torture then, pushing one finger inside you, giving you a brief moment to relax, to adjust, before teasing you with the tip of another.  He makes sure to go slow, alternating between gentle thrusts and stopping all movement entirely, making sure one finger is in you to his knuckle before the tip of another enters you.  It’s slow and torturous and delicious, the pressure and foreign sensation of it all adding to the sensitivity, Johnny’s sweet murmurs helping you along.  

You feel like an exposed nerve, frayed and wrought by overstimulation by the time he’s got three fingers in you—all you are is pure, unbridled sensation, each thrust, each movement of his fingers inside you sizzling into your mind, there to stay.   He’s been patient with your body, respectful and careful, until his fingers move deeper into you, quicker, easier.

When he pulls out, you mewl, but he hushes you with a quick kiss pressed to your back.  “Sitrep,” he whispers against your skin and it makes you shudder, goosebumps breaking across your skin at the feeling of his lips.

“S-solid, I’m solid, sir,” you say, infusing as much confidence in your voice.  “I can take you.”

“Hear that, sir?  She can take you,” Johnny repeats, but his voice is fond and you feel your cheeks warm at the undisguised affection in his voice.  

“Mm,” Ghost says.  “Back to it, Johnny.  Off the bed.  Now.”

“B-but Simon—”

“Shh,” you whisper, interrupting him.  “Do as he says, Johnny.”

 “Steamin’ Jesus,” he growls, but you feel the bed decompress as he gets off it anyway.  But of course, Johnny’s a rebel at heart, and lives to challenge authority.  So you can’t say you’re entirely surprised (though you are thoroughly amused) when he drags his chair to the other side of the room, so that now, he sits right in your line of sight.  No Ghost blocking his view, and so Johnny gets to watch the show unobstructed.  Ghost  gets off the bed, and you wonder why, before you see that he’s going up to Johnny.

“Ye told me to get off the bed.  Ye never said I couldnae watch,” Johnny says defiantly, a hint of smugness in his tone from having seemingly outsmarted Ghost.

But Ghost only stands in front of him, pulled up to his full height, arms crossed over his chest and nods.  “I did.  Now I’m telling you to shut up.”

“Wha-mmpf!”  

Your eyes go wide with horror (and a bit of awe) when you see what Ghost has stuffed into Johnny’s mouth to get him to shut up.  You only recognise your panties by the small amount of pale purple lace that isn’t stuffed entirely inside his mouth.

When Ghost turns his back to Johnny, not giving him the opportunity to retort (not that he could!), his eyes soften and he looks at you with the hint of a smile around the brackets of his mouth.  You realise what he’s saying to you without him having to spell it out for you, and when you narrow your eyes at him and give him a small smile back, you think you’ve broken new ground with the Lieutenant. 

He settles in place behind you and lays a warm, reassuring palm on your back.  “Breathe for me.”

And you do.  You take a few deep breaths, and the tip of his cock is angled exactly where he needs to be.   He bends in half over you, covering the entirety of your back with his body, and you sink under his weight.  “Breathe out, Sgt,” he reminds you, and when you do, he pushes the tip of his cock inside you.

The stretch, the burn—it’s exhilarating.  Your heart beats like you’re running a marathon, but you continue to breathe deeply, allowing your body a chance to relax, to accept the foreign feeling, allow the instinctual feeling of ridding yourself of the invasion to be replaced by the creeping waves of pleasure.

It’s full, you feel so full, you can feel him in your throat, and, “F-fuck.  Fuck you’re so…so fuckin’ tight, love.”

Ghost continues to talk to you encouragingly, continues to ease in inch by blessed inch, until you tap the bed beside you with your open palm once, and he freezes.  “Okay.  Okay, I’ll stop.  This is good.  This is good?”

“Yes, God, Ghost, want you to move, please please,” you mewl, and he obeys immediately.  His hips don’t exactly meet yours, but they come close, they come so fucking close, that you shudder at the depth he must reach inside you.  He moves in shallow thrusts, careful with you, careful not to break you, listening out for every sign your body gives.   

When he pulls out of you and rearranges you, you go with him like a ragdoll.  He whispers in your ear as he does it, and you eyes snap open.  

Yes.  Yes, you would like to do that, actually.              

You squeeze his wrist in silent acceptance and you’re left wondering at his strength, and the unabashed, raw display of it, when he holds you up with your back to his chest, legs thrown over the crook of each arm so your cunt is on full display, so Johnny can see exactly what he’s missing out on.  Ghost continues to move inside you, controlled thrusts that feel like heaven to you, but you pull yourself away from it just enough so you can focus on Johnny.

The poor man stays quiet, just like he’s been instructed to, but his eyes are blown wide, stark bright blue burning a hole into you, catching your vision that’s gone slightly hazy at the edges.    

And because you’re feeling particularly wicked, head pleasantly buzzing with the effects of the alcohol and of Ghost, you decide to play along with the little game.  “Why weren’t you good for him, Johnny?  See how wet I am, I need you it hurts,” you sniff, and the tears streaming down your face provide just enough visual aid for your performance to be convincing.  “My pussy hurts, Johnny,” you mumble again, your eyes downcast, and you watch as Johnny’s knuckles turn white where he has a death-grip on the armrest of his chair. 

Johnny turns desperate eyes to Ghost but Ghost interrupts whatever Johnny was planning on doing or saying.  “Choices have consequences,  Johnny” he growls and Johnny’s expression morphs into what looks like the various stages of grief— you have to work hard to stay in character.

You raise your arm, fingers outstretched to where you imagine Ghost’s mouth is, and he takes them into his mouth without hesitation.  When you’re satisfied with how wet he’s made them, you bring them down to your cunt, shuddering at the feeling of your own fingers on your sensitive skin.  Every sensation feels amplified, somehow, and rubbing at your clit feels as painful as it feels good.  

Johnny watches helplessly as you make yourself come on your own fingers, your cunt having nothing to clench on as you come, head thrown back into Ghost’s neck, who’s not faring so well himself.   Your orgasm strangles his cock inside you, and he moans as he comes inside you, voice sounding guttural and hoarse, like it’s been pulled out of the deepest part of his chest.          

When Ghost pulls out of you, Johnny’s on his feet instantly, consequences be damned.  They take care to lay you gently on the bed, and murmur to each other in voices too low for you to hear.  You phase in and out of consciousness as they clean you, dress you—they do everything for you.  You grumble through the pain medication they feed you and the water they make you drink, but then you’re too tired, too spent to stay awake and functional anymore.

You stay stuck in that weird point of lucidity for a while—where you can hear your surroundings, are aware of conversations, but lack the context to meaningfully contribute—and you hear them speak to each other in hushed whispers.  One of them runs soothing hands through your hair, while the other rubs your hands.   The last thing you hear is Ghost’s voice and a firm, “Always, Johnny” before your sleep pulls you under.           

[zvdvdlvr]

being on team 141 and being one of the youngest people in the team HCs [p.02]

𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢. ✦ 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞!!

𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺: 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒋𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒔, 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒆 141, 𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒎𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈,

𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹'𝑺 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑵𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑺: 𝒖𝒏𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅

𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹'𝑺 𝑪𝑨𝑳𝑳𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑵: 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒓

back at it again, its another fatherless rapscallion😭

100% believe you and soap call people bestie if you dont like them

ex: "soap come hither, i have tea on bestie chloe" and he comes barreling down the hall to hear the tea

lmfao speaking of soap

SOAP=WHINY MAN BABY

this man whines when you give him the silent treatment fo sheezy 💯

ghost thinks its really funny when soap watches you with a '☹' face evrry time you ignore him

gaz always knows everything because you know everything so you tell him its hilarious asf

anyways

you and gaz always be talkin about topher fr

(i dont have the of so an edit will do:)

HELLA INSIDE JOKES

price is highkey tired of your humor

"is there anything you need?" price "other than a father/mother? nope. thanks, tho" you *insert gaz laughing from the other room*, distressed price leaved the room, clutching at his sussy goofy wacky little hat

if you are fluent in spanish i strongly believe ghost will be scared of you

as i have been trading my spanish for german, i wont put anything else involving spanish, thanks 😍🙏

screaming judas in tge shower

ghost yelling at you to shut up

soap joining to annoy his babygorl

gaz humming along because lady gaga is goddess

price needing to leave the room

l m f a o

ok so like what if you're really good at card games, savvy?

you and 141 are laying low in a safehouse somewhere

soap finds a deck of cards, and everyone plays and/or watches

anyway you suggest playing manipulation

price immediately agrees, he hasnt played in a while but still thinks he could beat everyonr

ghost joins in, but gaz watches

what if you sat in his lap

no sorry my bad im in love

anyway

the first, like, three rounds everyones drawing like five cards

and price somehow ends up with two cards while everyones drawing cards

hes getting cocky, thinking that he'll go out first because of his amount of cards

HOWEVER

he had an ace

so that was virtually impossible to get rid of lmfao

anyhow,

price had on his poker face, and surprisingly, so did you

no one could tell you were able to get rid of the five cards in your hand only in the eighth round

bada bing bada boom you served the team their ass when you quickly arranged your cards into their appropriate piles

and then you look at everyone's flabberghasted expression

price is 😯🙁ing so hard

not only did price lose, he lost to one of the youngest people on the team

ghost is a sore loser tbh

"fuckin' hell, reaper. the hell you learn to play like that?" ghost "around" you shrug

price thinks about that all the time tbh

LETS TALK ABOUT THE TIME 141 FIRST SAW YOU SMOKING

after a somewhat rough mission, you go MIA

everyones worried; you generally let someone know whenever you go somewhere

but its hour 4 of you being gone and price is worried

you did this when the whole situation with alex went down, so price has limited experience with your MIA bouts

highkey feels bad he can't protect you emotionally :(

it was well below sun down when price found you

poor captain almost had a stroke when you saw you

you were outside sitting cross legged facing the direction which the sun had set, indicating you'd been there for a while

you had a lighter in your hand, lighting up cigarette number unknown

"what are you doing, kid?"

you had heard him coming so you didnt jump or anything you just shrugged

"do you want to talk about it?"

a mocking laugh fell from your lips, spewing out with smoke "nah."

price was at a loss. you had never acted like this before- cold and sharp

he moved to sit by you though </3

soon ghost trailed out, wondering where price was

an inky black mass caught his eye

but as he was making his way over, he saw a cigarette get smushed into the ground and a knew one being pulled from a pack

price didn't smoke cigarettes, he smoked cigars, so who would that be?

but then ghost heard your voice and an exhale and you had the cigarette

ghost: 😯

"hell's goin' on out here?" ghost grumbled, sitting on the other side of u, eyes widening at the amount of boxes at ur side

price answered when you didnt "getting some air"

ghost blinked at the cigarette hanging from your lips. okay

the guys tried to get you to talk but couldn't get anything out of you but a scoff or two

even when ghost offered to let you sleep in his room you said no :(((

after that you gathered your shit and left for the base leaving ghost and price concerned </3

whoa who broke my heart i sure am angsty today 😟💯

you didnt get any sleep that night btw

on another note

MOVIE NIGHTS WITH THE GUYS BUT GAZ INSISTS INSTEAD OF YOU

obviously he goes to you first

"hey y/n" :))) "do you wanna" :)))))) "watch a movie" :))))))))) "with us?" :))))))))))))

i'll be damned if you say no. 😐🔪

so you said yes 😍❤

he smiled so big </33

went to soap next

then pulled up the movie

with everyone ( minus ghost ), price couldn't say no 🙃

ghost pulled up, ffs 🤯

gaz chose either a horror movie or a horror movie

so you watched a horror movie 😁

gaz was probably clinging to you the whole time

so was soap probably

ghost was somewhat interested, but price fell asleep

his goofy snore is so loud bro im not even playing 🤧😭😭

if you have migraines you best believe everyone has midol/typenol for you

never ibuprofen tho bc after a mission if you had a headache, 141 might think you possibly had/have a brain bleed and wouldn't give you ibuprofen bc thats a blood thinner and could start another bleed

you and gaz have playlists for everyone

you both follow each other on EVERYTHING

if you were too poor (like me HDJSNEHDJEUZ) gaz would let you and only you on his netflix acc ❤

im sorry im a gazlvr

will probably edit later tbh

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞!!

@shadylilac

🤍

[mournings-stars]

HIII!! I saw requests were open and I wanted to send mine in here if that’s cool with you! here I go!!

Could I request (separately) Adam, Lucifer and Angel Dust with a Male! (or GN!) Reader who always screams whenever they see something scary, or if something jumpscares them 😭 they always scream kinda weird (something similar to this?) and it’s always so funny whenever the reader screams like that everytime?

I HOPE THIS ISNT SOMETHING YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE WITH!! If so you can always decline it!! Thank you again!

LMFAO i’ll try! i dont usually write anything comedic so be nice LMAO

adam

okay so adam is one thousand percent making fun of you

like you’re playing a video game, say its a zombie game or something, the minute something appears, you’re screaming and he’s dead but somehow your character is still running away

“dude, what the fuck?!” he’d probably jump cause you screamed and then demand that you give him your controller since you killed him “you’re gonna die, babe, let me play”

“no you’re already dead— AH!” something pops out again and now you’re both dead and you have to start the entire part over cause he wasn’t anticipating you screaming and didnt save

lucifer

okay so luci honestly seems like the type to scream at jumpscares, so he’s definitely screaming with you

imagine you walk into each other around a corner or something, first you scream, then he’s screaming cause you’re screaming, then you’re screaming cause why is he screaming

then you make fun of him even though you started it

he can’t watch scary movies with you because you’d both be freaking out, but he’ll watch any show that has a slight jumpscare just so he can laugh at you screaming and take the opportunity to cuddle you

angel dust

angel 100000% takes this as an opportunity to make you watch scary movies and cuddle up with you

“i got you, pretty boy!” and he’s laughing cause you sound ridiculous but is also swooning because he gets to hold you, so he definitely tells you to keep watching for his own entertainment

probably goes out of his way to scare you around the hotel, sneaking up on you, tickling you suddenly, or even telling alastor to appear somewhere you’ll be just so he can come to your rescue despite finding it hilarious

definitely spooks you to let steam off, but don’t worry cause he’ll always be there to comfort and coddle you afterward