#dont try to perceive me

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

shoto’s been staring at you for a good 5 minutes now.

you’d figured he was zoning out about three minutes in but then you looked up from your homework at him and he smiled at you, that cute little loverboy smile he does that have your legs feeling like jelly and has your heart push against your chest like it wants to escape.

okay so he wasn’t zoning out. then what is it ? did you have something on your face ? was he waiting for you to say something ?

"is there something on my face ?" you blurt out, already wiping at your chin and around your mouth

he blinks, registering your question and his eyebrows furrow lightly “no, there isn’t.” he answers curtly. reaching his colder hand up to pull your hand away from your face. you’re so much more confused now that you fail to realize he held onto your hand for a moment longer than necessary.

“so then why are you staring at me ?”

he lightly tilts his head to side at that, looking at you questioningly “ why should i not be looking at you ? does it bother you ?”

“wh—no no !” you sputter, he’s flipped the tables on you now “ i was just wondering what was up because you’ve been staring for..a while now” you trail off, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. his eyes widen just a fraction and you think maybe you got it all wrong somehow and he was zoning out, but then he’s lowering his head in shame “i’m sorry, yn. i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable with my staring..” he apologizes.

you’re frantic, shaking your head so hard you fear you’ll twist your neck and waving your hands hurriedly “ no, no, no ! it’s okay, sho ! you didn’t make me uncomfortable or anything !” you feel relieved when the tension on his face dissolves the slightest bit “ i was just curious, that’s all” you sigh, your arms fly back next to you because you feel like your sweating buckets and you really don’t want him seeing pit stains.

he hums like he’s thinking about something then suddenly a small smile breaks onto his face and you feel like you’ve been hit dead on by a semi truck. shoto todoroki’s ability to be so effortlessly pretty is and will forever be an enigma to you. “ i like looking at you” he starts “ whenever you do mundane things like studying, you always have this look on your face. i like it, i think it’s cute.”

okay, so turns he was out to kill you.

“ i-i do ?” he responds with a simple “mhm”. you feel like you’re sweating a lot more.

“oh.” is all you say. it’s all you can say because what the hell were you supposed to say ?!

shoto doesn’t look all that bothered by it, cool as usual, simply opting to keep staring at you. you fiddle with your fingers for a bit before you lift your head up to meet his unwavering stare “ i—uhm—thank you.” you whisper. he shakes his head “don’t thank me, you don’t have to. if you want me to stop, i can try to.”

he can try to. you feel like you’re losing your mind.

you’re way beyond flustered now. todoroki’s not a man of many words but when he does use them it throws you for a complete loop, you feel like you’re on a rollercoaster. “no that’s fine.” you answer meekly.

“you’re sure ?” you nod and he hums. “okay then, if you don’t mind.”

“it’s fine” you confirm, feeling your face heat up. “i like looking at you, too.”

you definitely like looking at the handsome smile that forms on his face from your words.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking about Eddie & hyacinths again

[bunnysnared]

irt my last post, i did manage to finish ghost's art after all! i am doing a very small test batch of the pins in a pr3order here, right now. if theyre successful and im pleased with how they turn out [will make tweaks if needed] then i will finish the rest of T141 & relist more ghost's for sale, likely in late july/early august  ദ്ദി ·ᴗ·)♡ thank you guys for the interest so far!!

[3liza]

I think it must be for the lack of going outside of your room on this website that debates about personal presentation and appearance literally never have any material analysis. sorry it's counterrevolutionary to shave my legs or wear makeup or a bra or style my hair in certain ways or "worry" about visible signs of aging but have some of you just never encountered real world situations where those things caused measurable problems dealing with other people, jobs, money, respectability, access to resources, or the ability to influence important situations? this starts happening when you go outside a lot. there's a debate on my dash rn about balding and finasteride in which not a single person has mentioned the potential negative social outcomes of losing your hair and how that can affect socioeconomic status and personal risk. maybe someone doesn't need to be "vain" to care about keeping their hair and consider the risks of medication for it. maybe they've seen how bald people get treated and referred to and made a cost benefit calculation that they can't afford, sometimes literally, to eat that cost, with everything else they've got going on. maybe I wear makeup when I have to go talk to doctors and other gatekeepers because people make assumptions about your class and mental status when you have "bad skin" and "eye bags". maybe a lot of women who wear uncomfortable restrictive bras and shave whatever and buy skin products and do gua sha have already been sharply punished when someone saw leg hair or a mustache or puffy greasy skin or god forbid their nipple through their shirt. not everyone can just say "fuck it, I can afford to eat one more social cost that will measurably impact my ability to get medical treatment or pay rent". sorry this sounds like an economics lecture, that's because it is

if you are about to tell me a long story about how you personally have not been affected by perceptions of your appearance actually so you can conclude it never happens at all, please don't. sometimes you get lucky, that's it. and on this website I think it's less likely that you're lucky and more likely that you're oblivious

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

[syekick-powers]

honestly like. the flaws in trying to universalize gender socialization aside, i think the reason why t/e/rf/s trying to claim that there are some kind of Universal Female Socialization or Universal Female Experience pisses me off so bad is like. the reason why i didn't experience a lot of the Typical Female Experiences is because i didn't fit into the standard expectations for how girls should dress, look, and behave, so as a result i was treated differently by my peers. and it feels to me that the kind of standards of femininity that te/r/fs and r/a/df/e/ms try to enforce on others match the same kinds of standards other kids put on me that i failed to match up to.

so when i see them saying shit like "all girls/women experience X!" it pisses me off real bad because i didn't experience that shit BECAUSE of the standards of femininity people enforced on me that i failed to live up to. and i know that they have standards of female experience that i just don't match. to name a few: i've never been stalked by a man. i've never been catcalled or continually hit on by men who wouldn't take no for an answer. ive never felt threatened by unfamiliar men on the streets at night. the only person who ever coerced me into sex i didn't want was a cis woman who pressured me into topping her. any expression of femininity i DID engage with was seen as a cheap, faulty imitation of real femininity that made me unworthy of anything but disdain and insults. i was constantly degendered and desexualized and treated as unworthy of sexual or romantic attention due to the way i looked (fat and gnc) and acted (neurodivergent and unapologetic about it).

so when i hear t/er/f/s crowing about how trans men and mascs are just gnc women and that they'd "love" to "help" us express masculine womanhood, i think about how so many people saw my masculinity when i was perceived as a woman and treated me as a socially untouchable freak who was unworthy of being granted the status of womanhood. like. get fucking real. you don't actually accept people afab who are gnc, you just want to say anything you possibly can to convince trans men, transmascs, and any other nonbinary/abinary people assigned female who want to or are actively transitioning in a masculine direction to either detransition or never attempt transition in the first place. you don't support female masculinity, you just want to use the Idea of it to lure us into transphobic abuse and convert us into "proper women". fuck all the way off with that shit.

[pand1on]

swag

[ganondoodle]

(currently getting extremely emotional over seeing pics of my lil brothers top surgery realizing i havent actually fully come to terms with the fact it will never be possible for me-

where i live the process to get to that point is extremely invasive and difficult; plus i am not trans enough anyway (nonbinary basically doesnt exist- theres only one or the other, i dont want T either even if id love to have some effects of it, i do not want other changes it causes) so that alone makes it pretty impossible already, and i am incredibly scared of anyone seeing or touching me in certain places and of surgery .. and hospitals .. everything basically.

(please dont try to give me hope about that, it will only make it worse in the end, i just need to deal with these emotions rn and get back to where i was, sorry)

[idolomantises]

ngl, the more I think about it, the more I feel conflicted over how people sexualize my characters.

On the one hand, it would be silly to deny that I don't go out of my way to create aesthetically pleasing/attractive characters because I love to draw what I enjoy, and I love it when people simp for them.

But on the other hand, sometimes it does bother me that people are so fixated on sex and their own arousal that they miss important lore/plot information that I get a bit frustrated

[scionshtola]

FFXIVWrite2024 Prompt 3 - Tempest

characters: Corisande Ymir, Hermes rating: G | word count: 372 words notes: 6.0 spoilers through Ktisis Hyperboreia and all the cutscenes immediately after

At the highest point of Ktisis Hyperboreia, Hermes falls to his knees. He is a person again, the transformation undone and the conjured winds dissipating in his defeat. He kneels in the middle of the platform, hunched and winded, and despite the performance he just displayed, he seems more fragile to Corisande than before. 

Before anyone can stop them—and Corisande knows they will try—they step forward. Their borrowed shoes make little sound against the metal floor as they approach, their robe whispers around their legs. The others murmur behind them, one’s protests louder than the others, but Corisande presses forward.

She stops beside him, and sets her gun on the floor as she kneels. His gaze stays on the ground, but the pain etched in the turn of his mouth is obvious. She can only guess at the depth of it, measured against the memory of her own pain—the nearly forgotten hurt of always feeling on the outside, the grief caused by no one attempting to understand, the strain of not belonging where she was but having nowhere else to go. 

Corisande rests their hand on his forearm, and he finally looks up. They meet his wild, teary gaze, and will him to remember. The flower changes for me, too.

He blinks, and the storm in his eyes clears. For a moment, Corisande can see the same wide-eyed understanding they shared on the grounds below, the flower held gently between their hands.

It only lasts a heartbeat, the space of a breath, the single rise and fall of a pair of wings, before a voice cuts in. “It’s over, Hermes.” 

The moment shatters, and the loss is a jagged pain in her chest. They both stand, and Hermes’ eyes dart away to watch Hades approach, something akin to resignation in his gaze.

Corisande falls back to the space between Hythlodaeus and Venat. She’s not quite sure what comes next, but whatever it is, she knows she can’t stop it. There’s no saving him, or any of them, from what has already happened. 

But even when he turns against them again, when he traps them in chains, when the winds rage once more—she cannot shake the feeling she let him and Meteion down.

[sntoot]

#at this point i dont know how to tag alvis bc i dont know how to differentiate alvis and a in my art anymore#they are both completely different and one and the same (head in hands emoji)

Honestly you are so based for this. Breaking down the borders between Alvis and A is something that everyone should do more

the fact a is alvis but also alvis isnt a but also the Gender that is both of them and also a is an analogy of getting older and changing and not being sure who you are but also still being the same person (and loved) at the end of the day i could go on for 200k words about this and never find the way to say it

anyways 100% agree everyone should rotate alvis in their minds like a rotisserie chicken and play with the idea of gender and how it affects alvis as a character but also how it affects the perception of said character and also the interplay of the presentation of gender vs defining gender

anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk about alvis xenoblade (sorry for rambling) i have xenoblade where my brain should be disease

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

people practice w Them <3

[uramitashi]

kind of a new personal quest i want to try for myself is to stop highlitghting/noticing another woman's beauty for the next week (and my own!)

so because i am very much against our actual conception of female beauty because of the tremendous focus we put on the least important part of a person (their body) i want to actively start training myself to stop caring. Like seeing a beautiful, stunning, aesthetically perfect woman and simply not focusing on her appearance, doesn't matter how hard.

Also stop noticing if a random girl has nice lips, or good hair, or a nice outfit, or if she's hot. If i find myself thinking about it, redirecting my thought on something else. Becoming totally neutral to a woman's outer appearance.

This is also valid for me: for a week i will start caring about my body only from a neutral kind of way (do not shave even if i feel pressured to, dont put makeup even if i fell pressures to, dont care about my body type, dont use any particular jewelry etc.; only care about physical self for hygienic and practical purposes). For a week, i want to try to become a person who doesn't care if "her skin is the softest" "her outfit is beautiful" and all that. I want to be neutral. I want to notice new things.

I do think that even beauty critical women still notice other women's beauty, and the fact they passively give importance to another woman' aesthetic conquest does influence their relationship with their own self. I'm one of those women. Therefore it is only right i shut up the aesthetic gaze inside of me

Will update from time to time!!

[bunnihearted]

i cant fully control my emotions during a breakdown and then i come out of it and im like oh fuck........ ._.

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

[pankiepoo]

have you ever written any analysis of anything ii? would love to see it :-] especially any regarding fan's relationships to other characters

idk if it counts but i did write the personality section for fan on his wiki :D

I dont have any clear written analysis of anything except how fan would react upon meeting bot but I think a lot about many of his relationships and how he works but nothing specific I can think of rn but I would consider myself to know him Very Well to a point I Could probably write an analysis on him but I'm Not the best at it <- guy who is terrified of how it'll be received by the public

(iii neg in the tags oops)