#dont mind me this is just the my bday is approaching and it is always accompanied with dread post

[cherrydott]

Not wealthy enough for the Mid Life Crisis and also life is unpredictable so I will be having an ongoing crisis

[omiscurls]

I love your writing and how much you’re able to bring out the true personalities of each character!! I was wondering if you could do Kaeya, Xiao, Diluc, Zhongli, and Childe celebrating y/n’s bday. (My birthday was a couple of days ago but I didn’t receive any greetings from my genshin team for some reason... 😔)

happy birthday

a/n: SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! as for your problem, have you tried looking in character>voiceover>voicelines? the wishes should appear there, i dont know what happened if they don't

plot: celebrating the reader's birthday

contains: kaeya, diluc, tartaglia, xiao, zhongli

warnings: brief mentions of alcohol, otherwise pure fluff

kaeya

a surprise party

to be completely honest, kaeya barely cares about his own birthday enough to even remember the date

and obviously he does remember yours, how could he not, but- he's just not used to celebrating, you know?

so watch him know very well your birthday is coming up, with a mindset like: "okay, you've got time, you'll figure something great out, it's gonna be amazing"

and the day or two before he realizes, he indeed wants to do something great and amazing, but he completely ran out of time

fortunately, who cares about reservations when your brother's a bar owner, right?

he figures out that if he waits till sunset with the party he still has an entire day he can spend of preparing everything he needs

so as you sleep peacefully, he sneaks out of the room at the break of dawn, ready to work his ass off

he doesn't want you feeling bad, after all, right?

the thing is, you do start to feel a bit bad, as an entire morning goes by, and not only is kaeya nowhere in sight, literally nobody is! you walk through the streets of mondstadt, looking for any familiar face to spend the time with, but the city seems awfully empty of your friends. you end up having fun at diona's cat's tail, her complaining about everyone, and you, surprisingly, joining in, but it still doesn't replace the companion of your friends.

you go over your day as per usual, and decide to bake yourself a cake, since you think that'll cheer you up. you run out of flour, though, so it's necessary to go over to the store and stock up on some. right as you cross the city's main square, you run into diluc.

"oh, sorry, haven't seen you" you say, not even lifting up your face to look at who's chest did you bump on, until he grabs your wrist, stopping you in your tracks.

"someone looks dejected" he says, and you almost want to punch him for not realizing why. instead of doing that, however pleasing it sounds, you just shrug your shoulders. "come on, you look like you could use a special drink of mine"

and with that, he pulls you towards angel's share, letting you complain about your day, though you don't explicitly say it's your birthday, still mad he didn't remember that on his own.

"so he completely ditched you without a word?" he acts surprised and offended "that's so awful-" he continues, opening the door before you.

just as he opens it, and you hear the word "awful" you see the bar as if for the first time. flowery garlands are up beneath the ceiling, the tables are arranged differently and covered with colorful, pastel table cloths, music is playing. the backdoor is opened and you see the outside of the building decorated in a similar manner, candles and fairy lights spread all over the place.

the sun is slowly setting over the buildings visible through the back door, and the atmosphere inside borders on magical, but to top that all off-

"happy birthday!" you hear a lot of voices shout, and your eyes widen at the sight of all those who you hold dear present. you can't help but smile, seeing all of them cheer, grinning from ear to ear.

"i-" you look over at diluc "how'd you pull this off?"

you swear you saw him crack a soft smile before admitting that he in fact, didn't. you're about to ask who did, then, but you're interrupted by a silvery voice, coming from behind you.

"i did" the voice says, a hand moving to cover your eyes "wanna guess who?" you hear a whisper inches away from your ear, shaking from surprise.

affection swells in your chest as you quietly say "kaeya", your smile growing fondler, knowing that aside from all your friends, he's here too, and as a mastermind, at that.

"hope you don't hold leaving you by yourself for a couple of hours against me" he continues, arms sneaking around your waist, chin rested on your shoulder "d'ya like it?"

emotion gets the better of you, and you don't know what to say, so choose only to nod eagerly.

"a lot" you finally whisper, much to kaeya's satisfaction.

"happy birthday, then" he says, suddenly pulling away from you, as to exclaim loudly "attention everyone!!" he takes a fork to ring on his glass "i hereby declare, that the next round's on me!"

cheers fill the room, along with one "yea right" and another "like we'd believe that" before the owner of the bar speaks up as well.

"as much as i'd like to see that" diluc settles "today's drinks are on the house."

diluc

a magical evening

so he’s a fan of planning

not a diehard fan, but a fan nonetheless 

it’s just, he would rather have things planned ahead than wake up a day before and not know what to do (like a kaeya) like an idiot.

so you bet he has already calculated how much time he has left the moment you told him the date of your birthday.

unlike kaeya, he prefers to be working alone, but also likes to keep his plans a surprise. he himself hates surprises, but has to admit, doing one for someone else is quite the fun 

he stays quiet about your birthday coming up until the very last moment, and if you want to ask him if he wants to do anything with you that day, he says he already has something in mind, you know, nonchalantly. as if he hadn’t been thinking about it for archons know how long 

he’ll wake up before you just to wish you a happy birthday the moment you wake up, and he might be unusually affectionate for a bit, but don’t even bother asking what he has planned out - he won’t tell, not even if you beg. 

diluc wanted to kick you out of the house all day. “oh, there’s shopping to be done” “oh, this lady wanted to talk to you”, or “you know, come to think of it, didn’t jean say she had something she’d wanted to show you for your birthday?” every lame excuse in the book, he has used it. 

you decide to finally grant him what he so obviously wanted, and leave, choosing to walk all around the city, and even outside the gates, you make it quite a trip, not knowing when to come back. 

you smile upon thinking about how secretive he tried to be, but how even he, the mighty descendant of one of the noble families of mondstadt, a man as collected and stoic as can be, couldn’t contain his excitement. you saw all his little side smiles and the way he bit his lip a little after settling today’s rough plans with you, he was so happy, you’re satisfied just by seeing that, sometimes forgetting the real reason for why he was actively plotting something. 

you walk and walk, and then walk some more, but your legs start to hurt, and you’re growing hungry, so you decide to finally get back home. 

when you approach the winery, you can see the lights in the ballroom are lit up from a mile away. your heart can’t help but flip with excitement, since diluc hates using the room, hates throwing parties, and would much rather just forget it exists. 

it’s a beautiful venue though, looks like something out of a fairytale, and you always tell him how much you love it. it’s no surprised he decided to use it, but you can’t wait to see it anyway. 

as you get closer to the building, it becomes more and more apparent that the ballroom isn’t the only place that got upgraded to a five star level for one night and one night only. the building looks amazing, and the gates are open all the way, as if there was a party to be thrown and guests to arrive any time soon. 

but as you’re welcomed into the mansion, there’s no one else in the hall, other than a dressed up diluc, his hair in a high pony, just how you always said you liked it, wearing a suit you hadn’t seen on him since... well, you don’t even recall. 

“well, if it isn’t my honorary guest” he announces with an official tone, almost making you a bit flustered. 

“what’s all this? am i not, i don’t know, underdressed?” you giggle nervously, and he approaches you, a tiny little black box in his hand. 

“you could wear a potato sack and shine brighter than all the stars together” he says softly, showing you the little box. “and as tradition orders, happy birthday.”

you carefully open the box, a simple, silver necklace resting on the little cushion inside. you take it out, and watch the ornament, but can’t for the life of you figure out what it is. 

“you see” diluc provides an explanation “it’s a common thing to do to gift someone jewellery as a gift, and almost as common to have necklaces with your star constellation. that is, the allignment the stars were in the moment you were born. but i decided, that i wanted to give you one with the alignment that shone on the sky on the happiest day of my life. well, according to mona it did.” 

you stay silent for a second, astonished with the present, before asking 

“and that is?”

“the day we met.”

tartaglia

how to surprise your lover 101

when i tell you this boy knew EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING from the moment he first thought of it

now. he loves celebrating, anything, really, the atmosphere of a party is almost magnetic to him

he grew up thinking every person deserves to have an amazing day once a year, only about themselves, so it’s very obvious to him that he IS doing something, and it needs to be huge

now, in a family as big as his, it was hard to keep things a secret, so he developed a whole plan on how to avoid having you finding out what he was planning

and that is: by having you know

it’s really getting annoying, how everybody keeps walking up to you, for a good week now, and asking if you’re excited for the big party childe’s throwing. the first time you hear it, you almost immediately run to confront him about it, since you explicitly said that a party, a big one, at that, is the last thing you want.

he obviously says that it’s nothing, and you needn’t worry about that. not that you trust his words, obviously, but you let it go, partly because you know how attached he is to the idea of a huge celebration, and partly because arguing with someone as stubborn can really be tiring.

so you settle, and fake a smile for every conversation with the alleged “guests” for your alleged party, thinking you’ll just suffer through it and then just do something with your childe the next day, having yourself plan it.

the wait is stressful, and when you finally see tartaglia walk through your bedroom door, dressed up really nicely, with a soft ribbon to tie on your eyes, so you wouldn’t see anything before it’s “time”, you almost want to ditch him, but that would be too rude.

complying begrudgingly, you let him guide you through the city, feeling the cold evening air hit your skin, wondering where did he set up this party of his, since you don’t hear anything.

oh god, is everyone gonna jump out of hiding yelling “happy birthday”? please, not that, at least not that.

when he finally unties the material covering your eyes, you see nothing but a wooden platform at the end of the harbor, with a blanket set up, some really nice-smelling food and what appears to be champagne laying on it. the sun is setting slowly behind the mountains in the distance, the only sound you hear being waves crushing on the rocks.

you can’t help but gasp.

“but” you turn around to face childe with a questioning look “what about the party?”

“what party?” he looks surprised “i never said anything about any party” he adds with a knowing smirk.

as you analyze your surroundings, he watches you with a soft smile.

“come on, don’t be so shocked now” he finally says “i know you better than to plan you something you’d hate. i’m not THAT much of an asshole”

his giggle sounds almost too good in the beautiful scenery around you, and you can’t help but let your eyes water for a little while, before rapidly blinking the tears back.

“is this more similar to what you’ve dreamed of?” he asks.

“yeah” you whisper “yes, it is”

“well, that’s the only thing that matters. shall we?” his hand points to the blanket, and you nod, smiling.

this may or may not be inspired by that one episode of Brooklyn 9-9

xiao

trying something new

birthdays? what’s that

you mean to tell him he has lived two thousand years of his life without realizing the day it was brought to him should be celebrated?

yup, no, you can explain it all you want, he still doesn’t get the idea. he just finds it to be way too trivial, okay?

what gets to him, though, is that there’s a custom of doing something meaningful for the person celebrating their birthday, to make them feel important

well, you should’ve led with that, that he can do!

he would never just go and straight up ask for help if he needed any. so don’t be surprised if you hear yet more new stories about the yaksha that allegedly lives near wangshu inn sneaking into the kitchen, or watching through the glass.

he spends HOURS waiting for the chef to finally prepare the dish he hopes for, and once he does, he follows every step very carefully. and then again. and again. and one more time, up until he feels he can do it himself.

when he finally gets to enter said kitchen, it’s already way past midnight, and everything is dark, barely visible. he manages to find his way around, though, preparing all the ingredients, and starting to mix them the same way the chef did.

turns out it’s not as easy as it looks, for example, he didn’t measure how long this thing is supposed to be cooked, or on what temperature, so the process gets a little messy at one point. he might even have to start over. like, twice, tops.

it’s already nearing dusk when he finishes, taking the fruit of his works with him.

as per usual, you wait for him on the roof, and as per usual you don’t realize he’s right behind you until he speaks up.

“happy birthday” he says out of the blue, causing you to jump up in shock.

“oh my, xiao, you scared me! again!” you laugh.

“it’s today, isn’t it?” he continues, as if he didn’t hear you. when he sees you nod, he awkwardly shows you the package he held behind his back, watching closely as you open it with a questioning look.

inside, there’s a carefully wrapped serving of almond tofu, it could use a little bit of touch ups, but it still looks and smells delicious nonetheless.

“did you do this yourself?” you turn around to face him, smiling in disbelief

“mhm” he gets a little flustered, and decides not to tell you about his little kitchen adventure. “is it… is it good?” he asks, and you smile even more fondly.

“why don’t you come over here and taste it with me?”

zhongli

one can never go wrong with a classic

zhongli knows every single tradition there is to know.

literally.

so you don’t have to even tell him anything - he knows. he might not know what to do with his knowledge, but he does know what would make you happy

this man is a gentleman who believes that some moves to make someone swoon never get old

he even got a free day from work just for the occasion, or he may just think he told hu tao that he wants it? either way, he’s not there. not like his boss isn’t used to it.

right as the clock strikes 5 pm, you hear a knocking on your door. checking how you look one last time, you smile to the reflection in the mirror, and walk over to answer.

as you open said door, you find yourself dumbfounded at the sight of a completely soaked zhongli, rain pouring heavily behind his back. his hair sticks to his face, and all the layers of his suit seem drenched to their very core, but a smile you see so rarely paints his face, as he presents you with a bouquet of flowers.

and my oh my, just how huge is it! he barely even manages to hold it in hand, and the flower crowns hide his entire chest and half his face when he places them in front of you.

“i believe this is for you” he says gently “are you ready to go?”

you can’t even find the right words, as you size the bouquet up, taking it from him with a quiet “thank you so much” before taking it back to the house, already in search of the right vase to put them in.

“may i come in and dry myself up a bit?” he asks, still from the doorstep, and you laugh before granting him the permission.

when the both of you are ready to go, you meet in the hallway, both smiling softly at the other, a bit awkwardly, as the beginning of every meeting is.

“you look even better than usually” he finally says, pride rising in his chest at how your grin widens.

“same goes for you, mr zhongli” you answer just as cheekily, waiting for what he’s gonna say next.

“well, thank you, but i don’t think today’s about me now, is it?” he counters with a bit of a side eye. “shall we go?” he points to the open door, and the both of you leave, you grabbing his arm to fit under one umbrella.

“may i ask where’re we going?”

you can’t miss the way his smile turns prideful and confident as he says:

“i” he accentuates “am taking you out to dinner”

he might feel a bit offended by how sarcastically you gasp at the revelation, but it’s okay. as long as he gets to see you laugh, it’s okay.

daily reminder that requests are open [here]

[levi-ish]

Little Talks | 3

Pairing: Bartender!Levi X Reader

Genre: [+18] Slice of life, drama, romance, fluff, smut

Words: 4k

Warnings: Alcohol, cheating mentions, drugs, cussing

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Masterlist

You [18:21PM]: idk what to wear, help!!!

Mikasa-tu-casa [18:21PM]: u dont need to go all fancy, its just us.

Sash [18:22PM]: wdym??? Its my bday bitch, fuck yea go all out. i am wearing my best dress.

Annes [18:23PM]: whats the point if ur gonna throw up all over it

Sash [18:23PM]: im gonna be hot, that’s the point.

Mikasa-tu-casa [18:24PM]: where are we going again?

Sash [18:24PM]: that same bar from ur bday, (y/n) suggested it

Annes [18:24PM]: my friend works there

You [18:25PM]: ur friend? Jean?

Annes [18:25PM]: yea, we had chem together last semester. hes rich.

Sash [18:26PM]: ohhh I remember him hes the hot bartender. didnt (y/n) make out w him?

You [18:26PM]: wtf i did not

Mikasa-tu-casa [18:26PM]: he was kinda cute

Sash [18:27PM]: ok im gonna shower

Annes [18:27PM]: aren’t we gonna meet at 9?

Sash [18:28PM]: it takes long to look this good also nic is bringing my present and I wanna look good for him

You [18:29PM]: aww cute

Mikasa-tu-casa [18:29PM]: just finishing up some work then im getting ready

You [18:30PM]: are we meeting in the front or are we carpooling?

Mikasa-tu-casa [18:30PM]: annie said armin was going to pick us up

Annes [18:31PM]: he is

You [18:31PM]: see you there then

You took a last glance at the mirror, adjusting your hair so not one strand would be out of place. Two sprays of perfume on your neck and inside your tan sweater and you were ready, running your hands through your skirt to eliminate any wrinkles as you sat on the sofa and scrolled through your phone as you waited for your friends to pick you up.

It took longer than usual to get dressed tonight; you wanted to look good. After the drunken rendezvous with Jean and Levi, you felt too ashamed to come back to the bar, but something inside you bubbled in warmth when you thought about how those strong arms held your hazy frame, holding you close and breaths mingling together…

A honk from outside took you away from your thoughts and you shook your head, grabbing your keys and leaving the apartment.

You entered the white car and found Annie and Armin on the front seats, saluting you as you hugged Mikasa that was sitting in the back.

“Where’s Sasha?” you asked and Annie looked over her shoulder.

“She said something about her present taking a little longer, but she’s joining us later” you nodded and hugged your body as you watched the outside run by while Armin drove carefully.

The drive to the bar wasn’t long, but every little second seemed to last ages; heart pounding inside your chest and hands slightly shaking as they hugged your body. Armin and Mikasa were making small talk as you kept on thinking about Levi, and how everything changed the second he touched you. He surely was a handsome man, and you liked how he seemed to care even if it was in his own weird way.

As you arrived, Sasha was already waiting in the front and with her arms open to hug you three. Armin gave the girl a small hug and kissed Annie’s cheek before leaving you girls to enjoy your night. It was Friday, so the place was bubbling with people from the inside out, some smoking outside and some were at the door, drinking from their bottles as they talked about stuff and laughed loudly.

You were fading away slowly from the conversation as the girls talked about multiple stuff, you didn’t want to be like that, but your whole head was full of anxiety and thoughts about the short man, hoping to see those grey eyes and enjoy his presence from afar. Maybe you would even have the chance to apologize for giving him trouble.

Sasha led the way and found you guys an empty booth, sitting by your side as Annie and Mikasa sat in front of you, and your eyes kept wandering around, trying to spot him. You saw Jean, mixing drinks without any skill and the other person behind the counter, hair up in a ponytail and talking using a lot of hand gestures. You didn’t remember their name though; it was something like Zoey?

You offered to get their drinks and excused yourself to the counter, walking slowly as you kept looking around for just a sight of the man, unsuccessfully. Jean seemed to be busy so the other bartender found you and introduced themselves as Hange, getting excited over how the night was buzzing. You noticed how they exchanged some looks with the busy man, but didn’t make too much of it, ordering the first round of shots and beer for you and Mikasa — plus some hot wings for Sasha because you knew she would be hungry.

Hange handed you the beers and said they would get the other things ready for you at the table, so you went back to your friends.

“Hey, (y/n)” Sasha snapped her fingers in front of you and let out a small chuckle. “What’s up with you?”

“Huh?” You shook your head slightly, gripping the sleeves of your top in your palms. “Uh, nothing, just looking around.”

“More like looking for someone” Annie observed, keeping her hands in front of her mouth as she talked.

“Ohh, is it the hot bartender?” Sasha leaned on the table, watching your face closely.

“Jean or Levi?” Mikasa asked, letting out a small yawn.

Wait, what?

“How do you know Levi?” you frowned as Annie excused herself to go to the bathroom.

“You mean my cousin, Levi?” she crossed her arms over her chest and gave you a curious look. “The one who owns this place?”

Fuck, what?

Levi owns the bar?

Well, he was always the one to close the place.

Wait, fuck.

He’s Mikasa’s cousin?

That kinda made sense, at some point. He looked like Mikasa to some extent, same cheekbones and the same cold stare. God, now that you learned that new piece of information, things started to fit together more and more.

But the real question was, where is Levi?

“So it’s Levi then” Sasha pointed out, seeping on her beer while Hange came with the shots and placed them on the table with an excited screech.

“What are we celebrating?” They clapped happily, looking between you.

[…]

It started playing some Akon song when you guys downed your fifth shot for the night. Sasha was on her third plate of hot wings, stuffing her face while sauce accumulated on the sides of her mouth. Annie had that blush around her cheeks and was playing with a straw she put on her beer mug, twirling it around her fingers and humming to the rhythm of the music. Mikasa didn’t seem drunk at all to the naked eye, but the way she giggled from time to time was a signal that the alcohol was getting through.

You stopped looking a long time ago, knowing that Levi wasn’t around and wallowing in your misery wouldn’t do you any favors — you just hated that you had dressed at the thought of him being there.

The bar was already emptying, the buzz of conversations dissipating as you gulped the rest of your mug, letting out a satisfied sigh.

“Ah, there is my favorite client” you heard a voice approaching, turning right away to see where it was coming from only to find Jean already folding his black apron. “Ohh, Annie, you’re also here. Haven’t seen you since… chem? Still mad I cheated from you?”

The blonde rolled her eyes and sipped on her beer. “You’re lucky I didn’t snitch.”

“Don’t be like that” he smiled as he scooped closer to you, resting an arm around your shoulders. “Aren’t you gonna introduce me to your other friends, (y/n)?”

“That’s Mikasa and that’s Sasha” you pointed at them and they gave small waves.

“It’s my birthday!” The ponytail girl exclaimed, giving him a small full of sauce. “Put some wings on the house!”

“That’s not how it works” Jean smiled shyly, turning his attention on you. “Unless…”

The girls did the same, all staring between you two in confusion.

“Unless what?!” You frowned, pushing the empty mug forward.

“We can put it on lover boy’s tab. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind” the ash blond man gave you a little jab with his elbow and a shake of brows.

You blushed profusely. What?

“Oh! You mean Mikasa’s cousin?” Sasha put a finger under her chin, looking as if she was thinking hard. “What’s his name again?”

“ARE WE TALKING ABOUT LEVI?” you heard a scream coming from the counters and all your heads turned at once.

Hange jumped over the wooden surface and rushed to your table, putting both their hands in front of your group.

“I heard… oof” putting a hand to their chest, they exhaled loudly, rubbing a droplet of sweat from their forehead as they scooted closer to Mikasa’s side, earning a confused look from the girl, “I heard we were talking about Levi.”

“Hey! It’s my birthday!” Sasha cleaned her hands with some napkins and pushed the small, stained bowl in front of the new bartender. “What about some wings on the house?”

Everyone gave the girl a quick glance.

“Oh, oh, oh! Jean!” Hange threw their hands in the air. “Is she the girl?”

“Huh?” You frowned, feeling blush creep onto your cheeks as small chills ran over your body.

“Shouldn’t you guys be working?” Annie asked and they shuddered their shoulders at the same moment it was almost comical. “Hm.”

“What do you mean ‘the girl’”? Mikasa played with the rim of her mug, biting her lip as she seemed to try to understand the situation.

“Jean’s been telling me things” the other bartender wiggled their brows at you teasingly.

“What’s even there to tell?” You now shifted in place, feeling annoyed. “God, he’s been a friend to me lately, what else?”

The ash blond licked his teeth and leaned over you, arm grabbing you closer to his body as he pointed at your nose.

“Makes sense, but at the same time, you’re the only girl Levi has been hanging around since he—”

With a hard slap on the mouth, Hange shut Jean before he could say anything else.

“JEAN!” they screeched, looking distressed. “Not your story to tell.”

With that, they stood from the booth and grabbed the boy by the collar of his shirt, giving you girls a big smile.

“We are closing in 20, I’ll bring another round of beer for you.”

“Wait!” Sasha stopped them and stood from the table; eyes desperate as the remaining people hanging around the bar. “What about the wings on the house?!”

Soon, you were finished celebrating, going over gossip and laughing about nostalgic moments you had spent together earlier in life, and cringing over some other memories, like when you hooked up with Reiner once, or how Mikasa used to fawn over Eren to the point she would even do his homework without asking twice.

After the last round, you split the bill and sang a short ‘happy birthday’ to the brunette that was kind of bummed because she didn’t get her so desired hot wings, and then everyone started to call their rides. Mikasa was sharing an uber with Annie since Armin must’ve been sleeping at the time and Sasha called Niccolo, since they still had to celebrate, she said — you had a feeling that he would have to cook another dish for her to compensate for the wings.

“Are you coming?” Mikasa asked you, tugging on her red scarf as she gathered her stuff from the table.

“No, I gotta go through my tab with Jean” you told them as they were standing, clearly flushed from the drinks. “You guys go, I’ll see you back on Sunday for brunch.”

Annie and Mikasa gave you another look to confirm if you were really staying behind and you just nodded with a small smile while Sasha ran to her boyfriend as he entered the bar, almost dropping him to the floor.

You were sure to stay, now feeling more sober since you didn’t drink as much as usual, still not over the hangover from last time — you became too intimate with your toilet.

“Take care” Annie pointed her chin at you, turning to leave.

Now there were only you and the last two bartenders present. Hange was cleaning some things while Jean yawned, looking half-dead as he threw some old peanuts in the trash. You walked there and sat on the small stool, giving them both a short grin.

“You’re still here? Jesus, woman, just go home” Jean snapped and Hange threw a rag at him.

“Don’t talk to her like that” they grabbed the rag from the floor and washed it on the sink before returning to their chores. “(y/n), is it?”

You nodded and they leaned back on the counter, too close to comfort.

“So, tell me. What’s your secret?” They whispered the last part, covering their mouth with the back of their hand as Jean rolled his eyes.

Leaning back from the fixated stare, you gave them an awkward smile, knowing exactly where the conversation would lead once more. The jukebox now played Bennie and The Jets as you tried to think of something to run away from the interrogatory.

“Are you being paid to work or to harass clients?” A familiar voice came from behind you, making you thank whatever god was above.

Hange and Jean rose their eyes and exchanged the same looks from the beginning of the night, making your whole body flush with the sudden heat. You tried to focus on anything else, too scared to turn away and find those grey eyes that you wanted so much to get lost inside; the same skin you once touched and felt under fingertips; the same hair that would tickle those thin eyebrows and complement the intense stare he always had stamped on his face, the—

“It’s 4AM, why are you still here?” He asked, now you felt the presence of his body behind yours and you were trapped. There was nowhere else to run.

Slowly turning on the stool, you licked your lips and rose your eyes, now gazing back at him, trying hard not to focus too much, knowing there was a possibility of a blush sneaking if you ever so slightly let your guard down.

Levi’s figure always surprised you. He had this big and strong aura going for him, even though he was about the same height as you; still, he was nothing short of muscles. The white shirt he was wearing hugged every inch of his skin so nicely it made your eyes wander around, trying to map out each of his muscles. His hair looked kind of wet, as if he had just gotten out of the shower and the slight scent of his cologne lingered around, and you took in every second of it to enjoy.

“Don’t you get tired of getting drunk?” He asked, raising a brow.

You felt a wave of heat running through your veins, but now with anger. Sure, you were buzzed, but not enough to be considered drunk anymore. You drank enough water for the past hours to be almost completely sober.

“I’m not even drunk right now” you snapped, turning back to the counter as the man scoffed behind you.

Jean threw a rag to the sink right in front of you and leaned between his arms, letting out a big yawn. “Ah! Finally done”

“Same here” Hange noted, taking off their apron and folding it, going to the backroom, Jean following right after.

It became deadly silent after the heavy door closed behind the bartenders. You could only hear yours and Levi’s breaths as he walked to the bar, crossing the counter and you did your best to avoid looking too much.

“You are dressed up” the man made a remark and you looked down at your clothes, adjusting your skirt as you sat.

“It was my friend’s birthday” you replied, tilting your head up just so you could be on eye level.

“What made you want to celebrate it in this shithole?” He furrowed his brows, leaning back onto the liquor shelves.

Levi never hid the fact that he didn’t seem to like the place. It made sense before, since you thought he was only an employee, but now that you learned that he owned the bar, things didn’t quite fit in.

“It’s a nice shithole” you said as you crossed your arms over the counter.

He kept his arms crossed for a while; eyes focused on your figure as if he were challenging you. Without any new expression, the man leaned down to the lower cabinets and grabbed an electric kettle, filling it with the sink water as you watched.

“You never told me you owned the place” you licked your lips as he started to heat the water.

Levi’s hands worked in the cabinet once more, grabbing a tea box and putting it right in front of you, and then searched for two porcelain cups that were just a little chipped around the rim, placing them next to each other and a teabag inside.

“You never asked.”

You watched as he grabbed two silver spoons and filled the cups with the now heated water.

“It’s usually something you don’t miss, you know?” Rolling your sweater sleeves up your elbows, you crossed your arms in front of your chest as the man put the small spoon inside a cup, pushing it towards you. “Normally, people would go like ‘hey, I own the place, drinks on the house.”

“You almost always drink for free” he furrowed his brows as he dabbed the teabag inside the cup a few times.

“That’s not the point.”

Hange’s face appeared from the creek of the backdoor, looking at you both who were now alarmed by the sound of the heavy metal.

“Leviiiii, just letting you know we are leaving” they said and the man just flicked his wrist as a goodbye, shooing them.

The man didn’t turn around, and you thanked profusely, because the look Hange were giving you was too creepy for him to see. They held both thumbs up and smiled before leaving.

Now that you were sure that you two were the only ones present in the whole establishment, you could feel your stomach turn inwards, anxiety taking over and nerves flowing through your bloodline. The man in front of you brought the teacup to his lips, sipping slowly and you noticed the way he held it by the rim. Funny.

“Why are we drinking tea?” You asked, looking at the clock only to see it was 4:43AM, and Levi didn’t look like he had any sleep.

He just stared at you through his hand, lowering the cup just a little for him to speak: “Because I felt like drinking tea.”

The commanding tone of his made chills run down your spine. You knew for sure you were blushing now, so you decided to grab the teacup to hide your face behind it, sipping slowly on the minty taste.

“You look nice” he said, taking you by surprise.

Your fingers suddenly felt numb. Fuck. Before you knew it, it was too late, and the cup was now a splatter of pieces on the counter. The liquid now stained your sweater in a wet spot, the hot tea burning the places where it hit your naked skin.

“Fuck” you let out a hiss. “Fuck, fuck, fuck”

Levi put down his own cup and a little panic showed on his face.

“Take the sweater off” he ordered, grabbing a handkerchief from his pocket and putting it under the sink, drenching it in cold water.

“W-What?” You looked up, skin still aching from the burn and now his choice of words added extra heat to your whole body.

“Jesus, you just fucking burned yourself” he said, jumping to the other side of the counter and showing you the handkerchief.

Not the time to think, you sighed as you took your sweater off, placing it on your side, leaving your dark bra exposed.

You tried covering yourself, knowing the situation was awkward enough already for you to care too much about it. You are an adult, he’s an adult, stop acting like a horny teenager, you thought to yourself as he offered you one of his hands.

Staring for a little longer, he let out a ‘tch’ and rolled his eyes. “Give me your hand.”

You followed his command and slid your fingers into his palm, feeling the warmth envelop you, even if the source was from a small part of your body. He held your hand and brought you closer, analyzing the positions before he could start working on your burns.

“Sit on the counter” he ordered again and once more, you followed.

Adjusting yourself on the cold surface, you gave your arm to him and felt his fingers slide along your skin, warm fingertips touching where the droplets of boiling water hit before, and a little flinch escaped from you whenever he found a new spot. He looked up, as if to see if everything was alright and you gave him a small smile, shaking your head.

“It’s not that bad” you affirmed and he furrowed his brows, lowering his gaze once more.

“That’s because of the alcohol” the man started dabbing the cold fabric carefully, watching every little movement of yours as he did. “Tomorrow, this thing is gonna hurt like a bitch.”

You chuckled at his remark as he held your hand closer to his chest, putting it above your knees in a position where it wouldn’t hurt to stay still. You took a moment to admire his marked features, watching every little move of his and wondering about those eyes, glad that they were focused on you.

Although Levi held this harsh front, he really seemed to care behind those big walls, and that was enough for you to fall.

“Sorry about your cup” you apologized, almost in a mutter, feeling shame crawl under your skin once more.

“It’s a stupid cup” he said, still working on your skin. “I can just get another one.”

“Still, let me pay for it” pursing your lips, you felt his grip on your wrist tighten just a little.

“That’s dumb.”

You sighed, “I keep giving you trouble, I want to make it up for you.”

He stopped the dabbing, looking up to find your piercing gaze already on his. Eyes shining under the dim lighting and silent surrounding you two.

“You’re not paying for the fucking cup” he rose his brow, staring deep into your soul, and now you were scared that he would learn all your secrets.

“I’m serious, Levi” you persisted. “I didn’t even thank you for taking me home the other day.”

“It’s fine” he stuck to his argument, but you also did the same to yours.

“No, it’s not. Must’ve been really annoying.”

“You were annoying, indeed” he let out and you playfully rolled your eyes.

“Sure… but thank you, for… you know—taking me back to my apartment.”

You remember waking up the next morning to a box of Advil sitting on your bedside table, next to a big bottle of water and how warm your chest felt to feel like someone was caringly enough to do that for you. Even for someone who you’d recently just met.

“Stop with this sappy shit and let me work” he rolled his eyes and went back to dabbing the wet cloth on your skin, “you’re gonna get nasty scars if I don’t take care of them.”

Smiling to yourself, you straightened your arm again allowing him the full access to your skin and the man went back to his previous actions. The dawn was beginning to clear and sneak between the blinds, filling the whole place with clarity, and none of you felt tired, engulfing in each other’s company.

TAGLIST 

@zeickv @thirstyforsometea​

[shewritestheblues]

The Elevator Bae x Chapter 6

Chapter SIX

Erik x Black OC (Phoenix)

-------------------

Camren stood in the center of everyone as they crowded around her singing Happy Birthday to her. She was all smiles with her Birthday Girl tiara on, holding up her glass of champagne. She swayed her hips back and forth until they finished.

“Thank you guys! This dinner was amazing. I love every single one of yall, but.. Ya’ girl is ready to turn up,” She points to Mica and Phoenix. “I know there’s more.”

“There’s always more.” Mica says.

Camren says good-bye to her family. Phoenix and Ava thanked everyone for coming out while Mica headed to the parking lot to get Ava’s truck.

Camren, Phoenix, Tiana and Ave piled themselves in Ava’s truck and Mica drove them to the club. As they approached the door, one of the security guards noticed Phoenix.

“Big Blue! What’s up lil mama?”

“Hey Jimmy.” she hugs him.

“They with you?” he motions to the women behind her.

“Of course. It’s Cam’s bday.”

Jimmy nods his head in Camren’s direction, “Happy Birthday. Blue got you the best section in this bitch.”

Camren can’t control herself, bouncing on her feet. “She was always my favorite.”

All of the women look at Camren. “Anything for you, Cam.” Phoenix says, grabbing Camren’s hand is leading them inside. Mica was the last in the small line of women and Jimmy stopped her.

“What’s your name lil mama?”

Mica looked him up and down, checking out his tatted, chiseled arms. He stands 6’4 with the prettiest teeth she had seen on a man. “Mica.” she finally responded.

“Come see me before y’all leave, alright?”

“Yeah, I got you.”

He winks at her and she turns to continue into the club where she found her friends watching her from inside the door.

“I see you, Mica. He fine as hell.” Tiana says.

The ladies follow Phoenix as she leads them to through the club. They traveled across the dance floor, around a huge bar and up a flight of stairs and glowed as they stepped on each step. They continued walking until they reached a huge section, with four bottles of Hennessy already waiting on ice. Coby was already there with a few other friends. He greeted each woman with a huge until her got to Ava. He wrapped his arms around her, grabbing her ass and kissing her. Phoenix proceeded to line up shot glasses and fill them with Hennessy. Each of her friends grabbed their glass, raising it in the air.

“Happy Birthday Camren. We love your crazy ass to the moon and back.” Phoenix says.

Everyone shouts, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAM!”

Tossing their shot glasses back, the women have begun their turn up. A few more shots and they were all twerking on each other and talking their shit, rapping along to every song that came on.

“We need a group picture.” Camren yells into Mica’s ear. Mica passes the message on, gathering all the women up near the balcony. Coby patiently waiting, and laughing, as they tried to map out their drunk poses.

“Can y’all c’mon?”

“WE’RE READY!”

Coby takes their pictures, getting every angle just in case somebody doesn’t like their face in the last pic. Because someone WILL decide on one that they don’t like.

“Send those to me.” Each of them yelled at Coby.

They continued to drink and dance. Drinking always gave Phoenix a bit more courage (and weed calms her nerves enough for her to be bold). She was also an I love you drunk and the feeling were starting to come out. She sat on Ava’s lap, hugging her. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Philly.” Ava smiles.

Mica, Camren and Tiana stood in front of them, “You don’t love us?” Camren yelled.

“Of course I love you. I love all of you so much.”

“We love you too.”

Camren pulls all of them into a group hug. “Thank You for my birthday.”

--------

As the night progressed, Phoenix found herself just sitting on the couch, babysitting her fourth drink, watching everyone around her. Mica joins her on the couch.

“You good?” she asked.

“Yeah. I’m just chilling.”

“Did you text your man, yet?”

“My what!” Phoenix acts surprised.

“YOUR MAN!”

Phoenix playfully rolls her eyes, “No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t-- I don’t wanna be all clingy. He just gave me his number a couple hours ago.”

Camren squeezes herself between them. “What are yall over here talking about?”

Mica looks at Phoenix, expecting her to spill it. She looks away, avoiding eye contact.

“Ugh. I’m trying to tell her to text her man.” Mica finally speaks up.

Camren pinches Phoenix, making her look back to them. “You have a man? Philly! Is he cute?”

“He’s not my man.”

“You want him to be. I seen how y’all was looking at each other.” Mica intervenes.

“We’re building a friendship.” Phoenix says trying to convince herself more than her friends.

“Those are the best kinds. But you never told me if he’s cute or not.”

“Yea--”

Mica interrupts, shaking her head. “The nigga is fine, Cam. He thick too. He just screams big dick energy.”

Camren looks impressed. “Girl, text him.”

Phoenix sighs, processing her friends words. The two of them leave her be on the couch once again. She downs the rest of her drink because fuck it. Erik is about to get this text. She picks up her phone from the table in front of her, typing her message.

Phoenix: Wassup Stevens. Guess who?

------------

Erik had just laid down in his bed. Tired was an understatement. He had worked out hard, earlier that day. After his exchange with Phoenix in the garage, he stopped by his friend, TJ’s place. Catching up and playing 2k. He had cancelled plans with TJ to go to the studio with Phoenix. After a few hours of that and eating a pound of wings, he was home, showered and ready to sleep. That is, until his phone vibrated on his nightstand. He reached for it not really expecting it to be anything. A random number texted him with the message, Wassup Stevens. Guess who?

He knew better. Of course it was Phoenix, but Erik being Erik, he had to have fun with this. His sleep could wait. His thumbs moved around the small keyboard, creating a response.

----------

Phoenix watched as the text bubbles popped up. She bit her lip to stop her smile from forming and waiting to see what he is going to say.

Erik😛: hmm, 🤔this Tiffany?

Phoenix: Boy, you got me fucked up.

Erik😛: lmao. Relax, Im just messing with you. I know this you baby girl.

Phoenix: You’re an asshole.🙄

Erik😛: You dont mind it though.

Phoenix: anyways. Wyd?

-------

Erik had completely sat up in his bed now. He wasted no time on saving her number as ‘Babygirl’.

Erik: Been laying here, waiting on you to hit me up. You still out?

Babygirl: Yeah and my bad.🙈 Didn't mean to keep you waiting.

Erik: I don't mind waiting on you.

Babygirl: Don’t make me blush Stevens.

Erik pictured just how she looks blushing and that made him blush. His cheeks were becoming sore from how big he was smiling. Little did he know, she was looking like a complete dork, smiling at her phone in the middle of the club as well.

———

Phoenix sat in the corner of the club couch texting Erik until her friends were ready to go. They had all decided they would stay at Coby’s house for the night. His place was their usual ‘after the club’ crashing spot. He had plenty of space for all of them. Tonight would be no different. The women piled into Ava’s Jeep. Camren laid out on the laps of those who sat in the back seat and Ava sat up front with her man. One of Coby’s friends took charge of his car and followed him home.

Phoenix couldn’t wait to make it to Coby’s house to continue texting Erik. She kept her phone in her clutch. She didn’t want to risk one of friends seeing her texting him and trying to be all up in her business even more than they already were.

“Let’s get some wings.” Camren shouted from the backseat.

“Where in the hell are we gonna get some wings from at 2:30 in the morning Cam?”

“I don’t know. I’m hungry.”

“I’m hungry too.” Mica and Tiana said at the same time.

“You hungry too, Philly?” Coby asked, looking at her through the rear view mirror.

“When am I not hungry?”

“Y’all gotta be shitting me,” Coby drags his hands over his face. He looks over to see Ava passed out against the window. “Listen. There nowhere that’s open right now that has wings. I can take y’all to McDonalds.”

“YES! I want some nuggets.” Camren sat up, almost hitting her head on the top of the truck.

“Anything else?” Coby asked.

The women started shouting out orders.

“Large fry.” “Nuggets!” “McChicken with cheese.” “Nuggets.”

Coby headed to McDonalds to get their food and take them to his house. He knew they would regret this decision in the morning but he’d rather that than to hear a bunch of drunk women cuss him out over some damn Nuggets if he told them No.

It took forever for McDonald’s to fill his large order. The women whined in protest to how long they were waiting. They finally got the food and dug in without a second thought.

“And y’all better not spill shit in her truck. I’m not trynna hear Ava’s mouth about nothing tomorrow.”

With that being said, Coby got them in the house safely and full. Each woman crashed in different areas of the house. By the time they made it to their destination, Phoenix had forgotten about her text conversation with Erik and passed out in one of Coby’s guest rooms.

————-

Waking up was rough. Phoenix could feel her heart beating in her head. She rolled around the bed, feeling through the sheets for her phone. The sun was shining bright through the window, she her task was tough when her head was buried under the covers. Not having any luck, she finally got up, still in her dress, to look for her clutch. Somehow, it made its way to the floor at the foot of the bed. She took out her phone to see that it's just past noon and she had two unread text from Erik. She grinned big, swiping her screen to open the messages. She scrolled a bit to read her last response to see what exactly he was responding to because in all honesty, she only remembered a few bits of last night after her third shot.

Phoenix: So are you gonna tell me your reasons for picking the tongue out emoji?

Erik😛: You’re not ready to find that out yet.

Erik😛: lol, you must be KO. Hope you had fun baby girl. Text me when you get up.

Phoenix couldn’t contain her excitement that they were actually texting each other now. No more waiting to just see him on the elevators. Her excitement took a turn when her head started spinning. She felt a knot in her throat. She tried to swallow it back down but there was no stopping it. She had to find a toilet, NOW! She ran into the guest bathroom, throwing up last nights drunk food. She leaned over the toilet, chastising herself. Finally sure that she got it all out, she got up to slowly walk her body out into the hallway. Since Coby’s house is their go to after the club, Coby started keeping a change of clothes for them. She made her way to the hall closet where he kept, t-shirts, leggings, etc along with towels. She picked out a fresh set of clothes and towels and went back into the guest bathroom and showered.

Phoenix got dressed and put her hair up into a top knot bun and went downstairs to find everyone else. She found Coby and Ava in the kitchen. Mica was still asleep in the living room, on the couch. The birthday girl and Tiana were somewhere, probably still asleep.

“Morning.” Coby said. His voice sounded like he was speaking in a megaphone.

“Morning.” she whined.

“C’mon over here,” He motioned to the car seat next to Ava, who was leaning over her arm. “I’ll make you some coffee too.”

Phoenix joined them, laying her head down over her hands. Coby started making her some coffee. He placed the creamer and sugar in front of her.

“My face hurt.” Ava finally spoke.

Coby slid a fresh cup of coffee to Phoenix. She added her creamer and more than enough sugar and sipped it slow.

“It’s almost one. I doubt we make it to brunch.” Phoenix says between sips.

They sat there in silence for awhile before they heard someone dragging their feet into the kitchen. “Morning.” They heard from a yawning voice. It was Camren.

“Morning, birthday girl.” Coby said.

“Stop yelling.” Camren said, leaning over the counter.

“I’m not yelling.”

“I want coffee.”

“Me too.” Mica says, joining them in the kitchen with Tiana right behind her. Coby went ahead and made all three of them some coffee. “Y’all need to eat.” He said filling their mugs.

“I want Roscoe’s.” Camren says.

“Tell me what y’all want and I’ll get it. I know yall asses aint trying to leave no time soon.”

Ava typed up their orders on her phone and sent it in a text to Coby. He left to get their food. While they waited, Camren, Mica and Tiana took showers. Ava and Phoenix waited for them to finish in the backyard, on the patio. They sat out there, both wearing a pair of Coby’s sunglasses in an attempt to block out the sun.

Phoenix remembered that she hadn’t yet texted Erik back. Her thumbs hovered over the phone until she could figure out what to say.

Phoenix: Hey, sorry. I was slumped last night. Good afternoon though.

The text bubbles popped up immediately.

Erik😛: It’s all good baby girl. You have fun?

Phoenix: Yeah. Feels like Im dying now though.

Erik😛: You eat something yet?

Phoenix: Coby’s getting us food. He should be here soon. Wyd?

Erik😛: Tell that nigga hurry up and feed my girl.

Erik😛: Im running some errands.

His girl? Phoenix didn’t mind being called his girl.

Phoenix: Im ya’ girl now?

Before Erik could text back, the rest of her friends joined her and Ava outside and they all started talking about the night before. Reminiscing on the fun times they had. Camren thanked them again for making sure her birthday was special.

“We have one more gift for you, Cam Bam.” Mica says.

“Yall have done enough. Stop it.”

“Girl bye. It’s your birthday.” Ava says walking back into the house.

“What y'all get me?” Camren looks at Phoenix and Mica. Neither of them respond. “Stop playing. What is it?”

Ava joins them again with an envelope in hand, giving it to Camren. “Open it.”

She opens it and pulls out a packet that pictures a villa and things to do on an island.

“What is this?” she yells out in excitement.

Tiana snatches the papers from her hands, “Girl, a vacation.”

“Are yall serious?”

“Mhmm,” Phoenix nods her head. “Five nights and six days in Turks and Caicos. Next month. All five of us.”

Camren started to cry. They hugged her and made fun of her for always crying. Coby comes back in with the food. He brings it outside to them.

“Damn, Cam. You always crying, bro.” he says, sitting the food on the table.

“Shut up. They got me a vacation.”

------------

Phoenix walks through her door, exhausted. She threw her body on her couch. What a day. Camren loved her birthday and her gift. Phoenix enjoyed her friends but let's be honest… people, including her friends, were tiring. Her social battery died hours ago. The relief to be home, alone in her own space. She laid there with her eyes closed, taking in the silence of her living room. Her phone goes off, taking Phoenix from her mind. She gets up to find it. She dropped all of her belongings on the floor when she came in and searched through her bag for it. Finally finding it, she has a text from Erik.

Erik😛: You made it in?

Suddenly, Phoenix had energy. She sat on the floor, bringing her knees to her chest. Smiling down at her phone, she responds.

Phoenix: yeah. Just got in.

Erik😛: wow, smh. Thanks for letting me know.

Phoenix: lol im sorry.

Biting her lip, she wants to do something. Her thumbs hover her keyboard. Erik hadn’t texted back yet so she still had time. Fuck it! What’s the worst that could happen?

Phoenix: Are you home?

The three minutes it took for him to respond felt like three years. Her palms were sweaty as she watched the bubbles pop up on the screen.

Erik😛: yeah. Whats up?

Phoenix: wanna come hang out with me?

Phoenix drops her phone on the floor. Her nerves taking over. “What the fuck am I doing? Am I doing this right now?” Her phone dings. She couldn’t open the message. What if he doesn’t want to? She picks up her phone, taking in a shaky breath as she swipes his message open.

Erik😛: 👀 yeah.

Erik😛: I got something for you too.

Phoenix: for me? What is it?

Erik😛: I’ll be down there in a minute. You’ll see.

Phoenix jumps up and picking up her bag and clothes from the night before, tossing them in her room and closing her bedroom door. She rushes back into the living room, turning on the tv. She checks her snack cabinet. She has plenty. “Okay...okay,” she says to herself. “We’re all good. This is gonna be cool. Just two friends--” her words are cut off by a knock at the door. She wipes her sweaty palms on her leggings and makes her way to the door. She opens the door and the site before her, snatched her breath. Erik stood there with his bare, muscled arms on full display as he sported a crisp, white fitted tank, paired with heather grey joggers that hung low. His dreads hung wildly over his face. She took in his seemingly flawless appearance piece by piece. Phoenix hadn’t realized that she was standing there, just staring at him until her waved his hand in her face, breaking her trance.

“Phoenix!” his voice boomed through her ears, flowing down into her chest. She squeezes eyes shut to regroup. She opens her eyes, pushing a small smile.

“Sorry.” she steps back to welcome him in.

He chuckles to himself. “You good, baby girl. You like what you see. I understand.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Stevens.”

He follows her to the couch. He digs into his pocket, pulling out a blunt. “This is for you.”

“Aw, thanks Stevens. We can smoke this right now, actually.”

He gives her a lighter and she lights the blunt taking a hit. Then another. She passes it to him. He takes a drag.

“So Stevens, I figured you could watch Steven Universe with me and eat Oreos.”

“Steven Universe? What the fuck is that?” he passes her the blunt.

“Only my favorite cartoon ever. It’s really good. You’re gonna like it.”

She gives him back the blunt and starts the show from episode one. She grabs a few snacks from the kitchen. “Look what I got.” She holds up two Martinelli Apple Juice. Erik holds his heart with a smile.

“You remembered.”

She joins him again on the couch, sitting so close, their thighs were touching. As the first episode begins, Phoenix sings along with the theme song. Erik watches her with a smile at how excited she was to be singing along. Erik reached down, grabbing her ankles and sliding her legs over his lap. She watched him, not taking her eyes from his hands as his fingertips trailed up her leg until he reached her thigh. He gripped her thigh and massaged it. The entire time his eyes never left the tv screen. Phoenix’s breath hitched as he continued rubbing the spot where his hand rested on her. She looked up at him. He was sitting there like he was just unaware of what he was doing. Something happened on the show that made him laugh and she watched as his body bounced with laughter. To distract herself, she stuffed an Oreo in her mouth and did her best to pay attention to the tv.

“Damn girl, you hogging the cookies.”

Phoenix had been cradling the pack of cookies, eating one right after the other. “Sorry. You want one?”

“Yeah. Feed me one.”

“Feed you one?”

“Yeah, c’mon girl.” He opened his mouth.

She slowly swallowed the remaining pieces she was holding in her mouth. She held the Oreo between her fingers, “You want me to break it for you?”

He cuts his eye at her. “Phoenix, I’m a grown ass man. Put the cookie in my mouth.”

She looked at him with a smirk. She would gladly put the cookie in his mouth. She giggled as she fed him the cookie. He caught on to why she was tickled and laughed himself. “You’re childish baby girl.”

“You said it.”

They continued watching the show and eventually ate the entire pack of Oreos. They were seven episodes deep when Phoenix found herself leaning on Erik’s shoulder. Her fingers were absentmindedly tracing his scars. When she noticed what she was doing, she looked at him, wondering if he knew what she was doing. Was he secretly enjoying it? He could feel her staring at the side of his face. He peeks over at her.

“What?” he asked.

She rubs her thumbs over her scars in thought. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Looking at his arm, “What’s the meaning behind these?”

He watches as her thumbs move softly over his scars. He clenches his jaw and unclenches. Their eyes meet.

“Can I trust you?” he asked.

“I’m pretty sure if you couldn’t trust me, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now.”

“True. If I tell you, you have to promise me that you won’t look at me any differently.”

“I promise.”

He sits there for a moment, gathering the right words. Phoenix was patient with him. She knew there was a deeper story to him. She was willing to sit there as long as she needed for him to feel comfortable. She continued to rub her thumb over her scars in the hopes that it would settle his thoughts.

“Remember when I told you my parents died when I was young and I had to take care of myself?” he started. Phoenix nodded, remembering their conversation in the studio. “That shit changed me. It was nothing that I could do. I was ready to give it to any and everybody. But I was smart about it. I went to the Navy. I trained. I worked hard. I was the best nigga they had. When it was time to get my boots on the ground, I made sure I always hit my target and anything that tried to get in my way. Each kill became a mark.”

Phoenix’s eyes trailed down in arm. There were so many scars. That meant so many bodies.

“I was top ranked. I was given the name Killmonger because I had so many kills.” he continued. “The scars were my way of making sure everybody knew how powerful I was. I wasn’t somebody to be fucked with. I’m not that helpless little boy on missions.”

Phoenix’s thumb motions stopped but she still held his arm in her hand. He looked over at her, searching her face for any sign of disgust or hate. Nothing. Her eyes met his.

“So you still do those missions?” she asked.

“Yeah. They’re a little different now.”

Phoenix seemed interested in what he meant. So he continued telling her how he is chosen for the top missions because of his skill. She asked about his parents and for the first time ever, Erik explained the truth about them. His mother dying in prison. His father being a prince of Wakanda and being killed by his own brother. The more he talked about Wakanda, Phoenix became confused.

“Wait… I thought Wakanada was like a third world country.” she said.

“That’s what they tell the world, but it’s far from a third world country.”

Phoenix sat there quietly, looking off at nothing. She pulled herself away from him in thought. He took that as her hating him.

“I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you Phoenix.”

Her head snapped toward him. “It never crossed my mind that you would. I don’t think you’re a big, bad, scary person, E. Like you said, you did what you had to do.”

“Then why did you move over there?”

“Just thinking. I couldn’t imagine having to go through any of that. Here I am thinking my life was so shitty back in Detroit. Sure, it was bad but things could’ve been worse. You’re strong as fuck and honestly, I wish I had balls like you.”

A cheesy smile crept up on Erik’s face. “Nobody got balls like me.”

Phoenix looks at him with a straight face. “Wow. Here I am thinking we’re having a moment and you wanna talk about your balls.”

“You brought up my balls baby girl. I’ll gladly share them with you.”

“You know what I meant.” She said, hitting him in the chest.

“C’mere you little angry bird.” Erik pulls Phoenix back over to him. This time, he pulled her onto his lap. Sitting on him, she could feel his dick under his thin shorts. This man was blessed. He moved his body up, adjusting himself. He had to know exactly what he was doing. Staying up there would be dangerous. She needed to move herself. So she slid her body down to where she is now pinned between him and the arm of the chair. He legs are sitting on top of his. He gripped her thighs again. “You made me miss what happened so we have to start this episode over.” He picked up the remote, restarting the episode. Phoenix didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. The two of them continue watching Steven Universe like nothing ever happened. He wrapped his hand around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

Phoenix had drifted off to sleep. Erik softly shook her awake.

“Philly. Wake up baby girl.”

Phoenix slowly wakes up, stretching. “How long was I sleep?”

“Not long. But it’s getting late. I’m gonna get out of her and let you rest.”

Phoenix lays back on his shoulder. “You’re really comfortable.”

Erik scoops Phoenix up in his arms. He picks her up, as he stands and setting her down carefully on her feet. They share a smile. She follows him to the door to let him out. When they approach the door, Erik turns around and snakes his hand around Phoenix’s waist, pulling her into a hug. She automatically wrapped both of her arms around his neck. She took in his presence, one last time. He pulled back, grabbing her chin. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek. Her body melted into his as laid her head against his chest. “Don’t forget to text me about your show tomorrow.” he spoke lowly in her ear. All Phoenix would do was nod her head. He opened the door, stepping out.

“Goodnight baby girl.”

“Night, E.”

Closing the door and locking it. Phoenix leaned back on the door. She wanted so bad to turn her head and catch his lips with hers. She fought against it. Her brain now ringing with the ‘what if’s’ if she did. She couldn’t do this to herself. She was going to bed.

[dreamgirl4certain]

The Elevator Bae

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE

Chapter SIX

Erik x Black OC (Phoenix)

A/N: This one is kinda long. I had a good, black time writing this chapter. Things are definitely picking up more with this one. :)

Camren stood in the center of everyone as they crowded around her singing Happy Birthday to her. She was all smiles with her Birthday Girl tiara on, holding up her glass of champagne. She swayed her hips back and forth until they finished.

“Thank you guys! This dinner was amazing. I love every single one of yall, but.. Ya’ girl is ready to turn up,” She points to Mica and Phoenix. “I know there’s more.”

“There’s always more.” Mica says.

Camren says good-bye to her family. Phoenix and Ava thanked everyone for coming out while Mica headed to the parking lot to get Ava’s truck.

Camren, Phoenix, Tiana and Ava piled themselves in Ava’s truck and Mica drove them to the club. As they approached the door, one of the security guards noticed Phoenix.

“Big Blue! What’s up lil mama?”

“Hey Jimmy.” she hugs him.

“They with you?” he motions to the women behind her.

“Of course. It’s Cam’s Bday.”

Jimmy nods his head in Camren’s direction, “Happy Birthday. Blue got you the best section in this bitch.”

Camren can’t control herself, bouncing on her feet. “She was always my favorite.”

All of the women look at Camren. “Anything for you, Cam.” Phoenix says, grabbing Camren’s hand is leading them inside. Mica was the last in the small line of women and Jimmy stopped her.

“What’s your name lil mama?”

Mica looked him up and down, checking out his tatted, chiseled arms. He stands 6’4 with the prettiest teeth she had seen on a man. “Mica.” she finally responded.

“Come see me before y’all leave, alright?”

“Yeah, I got you.”

He winks at her and she turns to continue into the club where she found her friends watching her from inside the door.

“I see you, Mica. He fine as hell.” Tiana says.

The ladies follow Phoenix as she leads them to through the club. They traveled across the dance floor, around a huge bar and up a flight of stairs and glowed as they stepped on each step. They continued walking until they reached a huge section, with four bottles of Hennessy already waiting on ice. Coby was already there with a few other friends. He greeted each woman with a hug until her got to Ava. He wrapped his arms around her, grabbing her ass and kissing her. Phoenix proceeded to line up shot glasses and fill them with Hennessy. Each of her friends grabbed their glass, raising it in the air.

“Happy Birthday Camren. We love your crazy ass to the moon and back.” Phoenix says.

Everyone shouts, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAM!”

Tossing their shot glasses back, the women have begun their turn up. A few more shots and they were all twerking on each other and talking their shit, rapping along to every song that came on.

“We need a group picture.” Camren yells into Mica’s ear. Mica passes the message on, gathering all the women up near the balcony. Coby patiently waiting, and laughing, as they tried to map out their drunk poses.

“Can y’all c’mon?”

“WE’RE READY!”

Coby takes their pictures, getting every angle just in case somebody doesn’t like their face in the last pic. Because someone WILL decide on one that they don’t like.

“Send those to me.” Each of them yelled at Coby.

They continued to drink and dance. Drinking always gave Phoenix a bit more courage (and weed calms her nerves enough for her to be bold). She was also an I love you drunk and the feeling were starting to come out. She sat on Ava’s lap, hugging her. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Philly.” Ava smiles.

Mica, Camren and Tiana stood in front of them, “You don’t love us?” Camren yelled.

“Of course I love you. I love all of you so much.”

“We love you too.”

Camren pulls all of them into a group hug. “Thank You for my birthday.”

--------

As the night progressed, Phoenix found herself just sitting on the couch, babysitting her fourth drink, watching everyone around her. Mica joins her on the couch.

“You good?” she asked.

“Yeah. I’m just chilling.”

“Did you text your man, yet?”

“My what!” Phoenix acts surprised.

“YOUR MAN!”

Phoenix playfully rolls her eyes, “No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t-- I don’t wanna be all clingy. He just gave me his number a couple hours ago.”

Camren squeezes herself between them. “What are yall over here talking about?”

Mica looks at Phoenix, expecting her to spill it. She looks away, avoiding eye contact.

“Ugh. I’m trying to tell her to text her man.” Mica finally speaks up.

Camren pinches Phoenix, making her look back to them. “You have a man? Philly! Is he cute?”

“He’s not my man.”

“You want him to be. I seen how y’all was looking at each other.” Mica intervenes.

“We’re building a friendship.” Phoenix says trying to convince herself more than her friends.

“Those are the best kinds. But IS HE CUTE?!”

“Yea--”

“The nigga is fine, Cam,” Mica interrupts, shaking her head. “He thick too. He just screams big dick energy.”

Camren looks impressed. “Girl, text him.”

Phoenix sighs, processing her friends words. The two of them leave her be on the couch once again. She downs the rest of her drink because fuck it. Erik is about to get this text. She picks up her phone from the table in front of her, typing her message.

Phoenix: Wassup Stevens. Guess who?

------------

Erik had just laid down in his bed. Tired was an understatement. He had worked out hard, earlier that day. After his exchange with Phoenix in the garage, he stopped by his friend, TJ’s place. Catching up and playing 2k. He had cancelled plans with TJ to go to the studio with Phoenix. After a few hours of that and eating a pound of wings, he was home, showered and ready to sleep. That is, until his phone vibrated on his nightstand. He reached for it not really expecting it to be anything. A random number texted him with the message, Wassup Stevens. Guess who?

He knew better. Of course it was Phoenix, but Erik being Erik, he had to have fun with this. His sleep could wait. His thumbs moved around the small keyboard, creating a response.

----------

Phoenix watched as the text bubbles popped up. She bit her lip to stop her smile from forming and waiting to see what he is going to say.

Erik😛: hmm, 🤔this Tiffany?

Phoenix: Boy, you got me fucked up.

Erik😛: lmao. Relax, Im just messing with you. I know this you baby girl.

Phoenix: You’re an asshole.🙄

Erik😛: You dont mind it though.

Phoenix: anyways. Wyd?

-------

Erik had completely sat up in his bed now. He wasted no time on saving her number as ‘Babygirl’.

Erik: Been laying here, waiting on you to hit me up. You still out?

Babygirl: Yeah and my bad.🙈 Didn't mean to keep you waiting.

Erik: I don't mind waiting on you.

Babygirl: Don’t make me blush Stevens.

Erik pictured just how she looks blushing and that made him blush. His cheeks were becoming sore from how big he was smiling. Little did he know, she was looking like a complete dork, smiling at her phone in the middle of the club as well.

———

Phoenix sat in the corner of the club couch texting Erik until her friends were ready to go. They had all decided they would stay at Coby’s house for the night. His place was their usual ‘after the club’ crashing spot. He had plenty of space for all of them. Tonight would be no different. The women piled into Ava’s Jeep. Camren laid out on the laps of those who sat in the back seat and Ava sat up front with her man. One of Coby’s friends took charge of his car and followed him home.

Phoenix couldn’t wait to make it to Coby’s house to continue texting Erik. She kept her phone in her clutch. She didn’t want to risk one of friends seeing her texting him and trying to be all up in her business even more than they already were.

“Let’s get some wings.” Camren shouted from the backseat.

“Where in the hell are we gonna get some wings from at 2:30 in the morning Cam?”

“I don’t know. I’m hungry.”

“I’m hungry too.” Mica and Tiana said at the same time.

“Let me guess. You hungry too, Philly?” Coby asked, looking at her through the rear view mirror.

“When am I not hungry?”

“Y’all gotta be shitting me,” Coby drags his hands over his face. He looks over to see Ava passed out against the window. “Listen. There’s nowhere that’s open right now that has wings. I can take y’all to McDonalds.”

“YES! I want some nuggets.” Camren sat up, almost hitting her head on the top of the truck.

“Anything else?” Coby asked.

The women started shouting out orders.

“Large fry.” “Nuggets!” “McChicken with cheese.” “Nuggets.”

Coby headed to McDonalds to get their food and take them to his house. He knew they would regret this decision in the morning but he’d rather that than to hear a bunch of drunk women cuss him out over some damn Nuggets if he told them No.

It took forever for McDonald’s to fill his large order. The women whined in protest to how long they were waiting. They finally got the food and dug in without a second thought.

“And y’all better not spill shit in her truck. I’m not trynna hear Ava’s mouth about nothing tomorrow.”

Coby got them in the house safely and full. Each woman crashed in different areas of the house. By the time they made it to their destination, Phoenix had forgotten about her text conversation with Erik and passed out in one of Coby’s guest rooms.

————-

Waking up was rough. Phoenix could feel her heart beating in her head. She rolled around the bed, feeling through the sheets for her phone. The sun was shining bright through the window, so her task was tough with her head buried under the covers. Not having any luck, she finally got up, still in her dress, to look for her clutch. Somehow, it made its way to the floor at the foot of the bed. She took out her phone to see that it's just past noon and she had two unread text from Erik. She grinned big, swiping her screen to open the messages. She scrolled a bit to read her last response to see what exactly he was responding to because in all honesty, she only remembered a few bits of last night after her third shot.

Phoenix: So are you gonna tell me your reasons for picking the tongue out emoji?

Erik😛: You’re not ready to find that out yet.

Erik😛: lol, you must be KO. Hope you had fun baby girl. Text me when you get up.

Phoenix couldn’t contain her excitement that they were actually texting each other now. No more waiting to just see him on the elevators. Her excitement took a turn when her head started spinning. She felt a knot in her throat. She tried to swallow it back down but there was no stopping it. She had to find a toilet, NOW! She ran into the guest bathroom, throwing up last nights drunk food. She leaned over the toilet, chastising herself. Finally sure that she got it all out, she got up to slowly walk her body out into the hallway. Since Coby’s house is their go to after the club, Coby started keeping a change of clothes for them. She made her way to the hall closet where he kept, t-shirts, leggings, etc along with towels. She picked out a fresh set of clothes and towels and went back into the guest bathroom and showered.

Phoenix got dressed and put her hair up into a top knot bun and went downstairs to find everyone else. She found Coby and Ava in the kitchen. Mica was still asleep in the living room, on the couch. The birthday girl and Tiana were somewhere, probably still asleep.

“Morning.” Coby said. His voice sounded like he was speaking in a megaphone.

“Morning.” she whined.

“C’mon over here,” He motioned to the car seat next to Ava, who was leaning over her arm. “I’ll make you some coffee too.”

Phoenix joined them, laying her head down over her hands. Coby started making her some coffee. He placed the creamer and sugar in front of her.

“My face hurt.” Ava finally spoke.

Coby slid a fresh cup of coffee to Phoenix. She added her creamer and more than enough sugar and sipped it slow.

“It’s almost one. I doubt we make it to brunch.” Phoenix says between sips.

They sat there in silence for awhile before they heard someone dragging their feet into the kitchen. “Morning.” They heard from a yawning voice. It was Camren.

“Morning, birthday girl.” Coby said.

“Stop yelling.” Camren said, leaning over the counter.

“I’m not yelling.”

“I want coffee.”

“Me too.” Mica says, joining them in the kitchen with Tiana right behind her. Coby went ahead and made all three of them some coffee. “Y’all need to eat.” He said filling their mugs.

“I want Roscoe’s.” Camren says.

“Tell me what y’all want and I’ll get it. I know yall asses aint trying to leave no time soon.”

Ava typed up their orders on her phone and sent it in a text to Coby. He left to get their food. While they waited, Camren, Mica and Tiana took showers. Ava and Phoenix waited for them to finish in the backyard, on the patio. They sat out there, both wearing a pair of Coby’s sunglasses in an attempt to block out the sun.

Phoenix remembered that she hadn’t yet texted Erik back. Her thumbs hovered over the phone until she could figure out what to say.

Phoenix: Hey, sorry. I was slumped last night. Good afternoon though.

The text bubbles popped up immediately.

Erik😛: It’s all good baby girl. You have fun?

Phoenix: Yeah. Feels like Im dying now though.

Erik😛: You eat something yet?

Phoenix: Coby’s getting us food. He should be here soon. Wyd?

Erik😛: Tell that nigga hurry up and feed my girl.

Erik😛: Im running some errands.

His girl? Phoenix didn’t mind being called his girl.

Phoenix: Im ya’ girl now?

Before Erik could text back, the rest of her friends joined her and Ava outside and they all started talking about the night before. Reminiscing on the fun times they had. Camren thanked them again for making sure her birthday was special.

“We have one more gift for you, Cam Bam.” Mica says.

“Yall have done enough. Stop it.”

“Girl bye. It’s your birthday.” Ava says walking back into the house.

“What y'all get me?” Camren looks at Phoenix and Mica. Neither of them respond. “Stop playing. What is it?”

Ava joins them again with an envelope in hand, giving it to Camren. “Open it.”

She opens it and pulls out a packet that pictures a villa and things to do on an island.

“What is this?” she yells out in excitement.

Tiana snatches the papers from her hands, “Girl, a vacation.”

“Are yall serious?”

“Mhmm,” Phoenix nods her head. “Five nights and six days in Turks and Caicos. Next month. All five of us.”

Camren started to cry. They hugged her and made fun of her for always crying. Coby comes back in with the food. He brings it outside to them.

“Damn, Cam. You always crying, bro.” he says, sitting the food on the table.

“Shut up. They got me a vacation.”

------------

Phoenix walks through her door, exhausted. She threw her body on her couch. What a day. Camren loved her birthday and her gift. Phoenix enjoyed her friends but let's be honest… people, including her friends, were tiring. Her social battery died hours ago. The relief to be home, alone in her own space. She laid there with her eyes closed, taking in the silence of her living room. Her phone goes off, taking Phoenix from her mind. She gets up to find it. She dropped all of her belongings on the floor when she came in and searched through her bag for it. Finally finding it, she has a text from Erik.

Erik😛: You made it in?

Suddenly, Phoenix had energy. She sat on the floor, bringing her knees to her chest. Smiling down at her phone, she responds.

Phoenix: yeah. Just got in.

Erik😛: wow, smh. Thanks for letting me know.

Phoenix: lol im sorry.

Biting her lip, she wants to do something. Her thumbs hover her keyboard. Erik hadn’t texted back yet so she still had time. Fuck it! What’s the worst that could happen?

Phoenix: Are you home?

The three minutes it took for him to respond felt like three years. Her palms were sweaty as she watched the bubbles pop up on the screen.

Erik😛: yeah. Whats up?

Phoenix: wanna come hang out with me?

Phoenix drops her phone on the floor. Her nerves taking over. “What the fuck am I doing? Am I doing this right now?” She asks herself. Her phone dings. She couldn’t open the message. What if he doesn’t want to? She picks up her phone, taking in a shaky breath as she swipes his message open.

Erik😛: 👀 yeah.

Erik😛: I got something for you too.

Phoenix: for me? What is it?

Erik😛: I’ll be down there in a minute. You’ll see.

Phoenix jumps up and picking up her bag and clothes from the night before, tossing them in her room and closing her bedroom door. She rushes back into the living room, turning on the tv. She checks her snack cabinet. She has plenty. “Okay...okay,” she says to herself. “We’re all good. This is gonna be cool. Just two friends--” her words are cut off by a knock at the door. She wipes her sweaty palms on her leggings and makes her way to the door. She opens the door and the site before her, snatched her breath. Erik stood there with his bare, muscled arms on full display as he sported a crisp, white fitted tank, paired with heather grey joggers that hung low. His dreads hung wildly over his face. She took in his seemingly flawless appearance piece by piece. Phoenix hadn’t realized that she was standing there, just staring at him until he waved his hand in her face, breaking her trance.

“Phoenix!” his voice boomed through her ears, flowing down into her chest. She squeezes eyes shut to regroup. She opens her eyes, pushing a small smile.

“Sorry.” she steps back to welcome him in.

He chuckles to himself. “You good, baby girl. You like what you see. I understand.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Stevens.”

He follows her to the couch. He digs into his pocket, pulling out a blunt. “This is for you.”

“Aw, thanks Stevens. We can smoke this right now, actually.”

He gives her a lighter and she lights the blunt taking a hit. Then another. She passes it to him. He takes a drag.

“So Stevens, I figured you could watch Steven Universe with me and eat Oreos.”

“Steven Universe? What the fuck is that?” he passes her the blunt.

“Only my favorite cartoon ever. It’s really good. You’re gonna like it.”

She gives him back the blunt and starts the show from episode one. She grabs a few snacks from the kitchen. “Look what I got.” She holds up two Martinelli Apple Juice. Erik holds his heart with a smile.

“You remembered.”

Erik had mentioned in the studio how much her loved Martinelli’s. She joins him again on the couch, sitting so close, their thighs were touching. As the first episode begins, Phoenix sings along with the theme song. Erik watches her with a smile. Erik reached down, grabbing her ankles and sliding her legs over his lap. She watched him, not taking her eyes from his hands as his fingertips trailed up her leg until he reached her thigh. He gripped her thigh and massaged it. The entire time his eyes never left the tv screen. Phoenix’s breath hitched as he continued rubbing the spot where his hand rested on her. She looked up at him. He was sitting there like he was just unaware of what he was doing. Something happened on the show that made him laugh and she watched as his body bounced with laughter. To distract herself, she stuffed an Oreo in her mouth and did her best to pay attention to the tv.

“Damn girl, you hogging the cookies.”

Phoenix had been cradling the pack of cookies, eating one right after the other. “Sorry. You want one?”

“Yeah. Feed me one.”

“Feed you one?”

“Yeah, c’mon girl.” He opened his mouth.

She slowly swallowed the remaining pieces she was holding in her mouth. She held the Oreo between her fingers, “You want me to break it for you?”

He cuts his eye at her. “Phoenix, I’m a grown ass man. Put the cookie in my mouth.”

She looked at him with a smirk. She would gladly put the cookie in his mouth. She giggled as she fed him the cookie. He caught on to why she was tickled and laughed himself. “You’re childish baby girl.”

“You said it.”

They continued watching the show and eventually ate the entire pack of Oreos. They were seven episodes deep when Phoenix found herself leaning on Erik’s shoulder. Her fingers were absentmindedly tracing his scars. When she noticed what she was doing, she looked at him, wondering if he knew what she was doing. Was he secretly enjoying it? He could feel her staring at the side of his face. He peeks over at her.

“What?” he asked.

She rubs her thumbs over her scars in thought. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Looking at his arm, “What’s the meaning behind these?”

He watches as her thumbs move softly over his scars. He clenches his jaw and unclenches. Their eyes meet.

“Can I trust you?” he asked.

“I’m pretty sure if you couldn’t trust me, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now.”

“True. If I tell you, you have to promise me that you won’t look at me any differently.”

“I promise.”

He sits there for a moment, gathering the right words. Phoenix was patient with him. She knew there was a deeper story to him. She was willing to sit there as long as she needed for him to feel comfortable. She continued to rub her thumb over her scars in the hopes that it would settle his thoughts.

“Remember when I told you my parents died when I was young and I had to take care of myself?” he started. Phoenix nodded, remembering their conversation in the studio. “That shit changed me. It was nothing that I could do. I was ready to give it to any and everybody. But I was smart about it. I went to the Navy. I trained. I worked hard. I was the best nigga they had. When it was time to get my boots on the ground, I made sure I always hit my target and anything that tried to get in my way. Each kill became a mark.”

Phoenix’s eyes trailed down in arm. There were so many scars. That meant so many bodies.

“I was top ranked. I was given the name Killmonger because I had so many kills.” he continued. “The scars were my way of making sure everybody knew how powerful I was. I wasn’t somebody to be fucked with. I’m not that helpless little boy anymore.”

Phoenix’s thumb motions stopped but she still held his arm in her hand. He looked over at her, searching her face for any sign of disgust or hate. Her eyes met his.

“So you still do those missions?” she asked.

“Yeah. They’re a little different now.”

Phoenix seemed interested in what he meant. So he continued telling her how he is chosen for the top missions because of his skill. She asked about his parents and for the first time ever, Erik explained the truth about them. His mother dying in prison. His father being a prince of Wakanda and being killed by his own brother. The more he talked about Wakanda, Phoenix became confused.

“Wait… I thought Wakanada was like a third world country.” she said.

“That’s what they tell the world, but it’s far from a third world country.”

Phoenix sat there quietly, looking off at nothing. She pulled herself away from him in thought. He took that as her hating him.

“I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you Phoenix.”

Her head snapped toward him. “It never crossed my mind that you would. I don’t think you’re a big, bad, scary person, E. Like you said, you did what you had to do.”

“Then why did you move over there?”

“Just thinking. I couldn’t imagine having to go through any of that. Here I am thinking my life was so shitty back in Detroit. Sure, it was bad but things could’ve been worse. You’re strong as fuck and honestly, I wish I had balls like you.”

A cheesy smile crept up on Erik’s face. “Nobody got balls like me.”

Phoenix looks at him with a straight face. “Wow. Here I am thinking we’re having a moment and you wanna talk about your balls.”

“You brought up my balls baby girl. I’ll gladly share them with you.”

“You know what I meant.” She said, hitting him in the chest.

“C’mere you little angry bird.” Erik pulls Phoenix back over to him. This time, he pulled her onto his lap. While sitting on him, she could feel his dick through his sweatpants. Was he free balling? It felt like all he was sporting were the shorts. This man was blessed. He moved his body up, adjusting himself. He had to know exactly what he was doing. Staying up there would be dangerous. She needed to move herself. So she slid her body down to where she is now pinned between him and the arm of the couch. Her legs are sitting on top of his. He gripped her thighs again. “You made me miss what happened so we have to start this episode over.” He picked up the remote, restarting the episode. Phoenix didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. The two of them continue watching Steven Universe like nothing ever happened. He wrapped his hand around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

Phoenix had drifted off to sleep. Erik softly shook her awake.

“Philly. Wake up baby girl.”

Phoenix slowly wakes up, stretching. “How long was I sleep?”

“Not long. But it’s getting late. I’m gonna get out of here and let you rest.”

Phoenix lays back on his shoulder. “You’re really comfortable.”

Erik scoops Phoenix up in his arms. He picks her up as he stands and setting her down carefully on her feet. They share a smile. She follows him to the door to let him out. When they approach the door, Erik turns around and snakes his hand around Phoenix’s waist, pulling her into a hug. She automatically wrapped both of her arms around his neck. She took in his presence one last time. He pulled back and grabbed her chin. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on her cheek. Her body melted into his as she laid her head against his chest. “Don’t forget to text me about your show tomorrow.” he spoke lowly in her ear. All Phoenix would do was nod her head. He opened the door, stepping out.

“Goodnight baby girl.”

“Night, E.”

Closing the door and locking it. Phoenix leaned back on the door. She wanted so bad to turn her head and catch his lips with hers. Her brain now ringing with the ‘what if’s’ if she did. She couldn’t do this to herself. She was going to bed.

Tags: @lushloaded @abeautifulmindexposed @purple-apricots @missshae @lostennyc @tip222u @janelledarling @chaneajoyyy @thadelightfulone **If anyone would like to be tagged, please let me know :)

[fairycosmos]

Im in a long distance relationship with my gf and tomorrow im gonna see her after 3 months (we should have met in october for my bday but she kept putting off until now) and she's told me that "we need to talk" and im so so so scared that she wants to break up but i still love her so much even tho she kind of treats me like shit sometimes and idk im going full anxiety and idk what to do. Might be good to get out of that relationship but i dont have any friends and i tought she was the one u kno

:(( hi lovee im so sorry. while it sounds like an unhealthy dynamic, i really hope that whatever you both decide going forward is fair to you and your feelings. seems like what you want has been neglected so far, dude. my initial thought is that you don't deserve to put up with mistreatment just because it feels like a form of companionship - that it's always better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel lonely. i understand that when you have no self esteem or a troubled past it can be incredibly difficult to stand up for yourself, but there comes a point where you have to recognize that it's ok to seek what you are willing to give. by that i mean effort, kindness and reciprocation. if those things can't be found in your current partner, then that is your closure. you can't control her words or actions, they are merely a reflection of her character. but you can control what and who you allow in your life. you can't control the negative thoughts n feelings, but you can control your physical response and whether or not you attempt to help yourself through it in a healthy way. even when your brain is telling you to self destruct. of course that doesn't mean you're not allowed to be heartbroken and hurt, to feel like it's all impossible. and maybe that part of the process is inevitable. im sure you care for this girl a lot. losing a presence in your life is always fucking awful. goes beyond words. there's no rule book for how to handle it. if you need to cry, and grieve, then allow it. you're entitled to these emotions and though theyre often painful, registering them is necessary. and they do not stick if you don't hold onto them. focus on getting through one day at a time, and if that feels like too much, one hour at a time. it all counts. also, it could just be that your gf wants to talk about something unrelated, but that's honestly not as important as understanding why you inherently have worth with or without her. your mind probably won't let you accept that as an objective fact, but it is true. you're a whole person on your own. and just because you're in a tough emotional spot with a smaller social circle right now, doesn't mean you're unworthy or that have to deal with bullshit all the time. doesn't mean it's always going to be this way, either. so many people are going to treat you right in your life. they're just hard to come by, for all of us really. ultimately the circumstances you're in are not some personal failure on your part, ok? whatever your gf wants, however it turns out, i really hope you're able to approach the situation with mutual respect being a requirement, a make or break. even if feels like you're faking the confidence/ positive self talk at first. anyway sorry this got long angel, i just hope you're ok n that you know you're not as alone as you feel. a lot of people out there can relate. if you need a friend or if you want to talk about anything, i'll be here. sending warmth 💌

[kpop-stole-my-sanity]

Insomnia // Hwang Hyunjin [bulleted scenario!]

Summary: In which you and Hyunjin are both too oblivious to realize your true feelings... until it’s too late? 

Genre: angsty, floooof, gender neutral 

Word Count: 2175

Warnings: Just some cursing 

A/N: This is my first time writing a bulleted scenario and i quite enjoyed it :) idk it’s fun to not care about settings too much and punctuation and stuff. I also liked adding my own little dumb remarks here are there :PP it was fuN! This was another scenario that kinda arose while i was napping i hope you guys enjoy it! <3 i love stray kids 

i’m also gonna try to make all my scenarios gender neutral from now on (unless specifically requested) b/c we are all about inclusivity here !! :)

This was originally gonna be like a real fic

But the writers block was REAL like i really tried to set the scene and everything

But it didn’t turn out right

And i really wanted to get this one out so HERE WE ARE TRYING THE BULLETED SCENARIO OKAY YAY LETS BEGIN!

Trainee au!! Kinda :D

Like skz didnt go through the survival show yet

Ok so SEtting thE SCeNe~~~~

You just walked into the jyp building bc jyp hired you as a new producer

Like to study under him and potentially help w producing in the future

Like jyp 2.0 ya know

Jyp meets w you himself bc you’re like a prodigy

And a foreigner so he thought you’d be more comfortable w him speaking toyou in english :D

So he explained what you gotta do during your training period

Like studying more about composition and production

Learning korean to more easily communicate w idols and what not

And also honing your own style and figuring out who you are as an artist

So he pairs you up w the trainees bc it be good practice

More specifically skz bc they seem to have a more flexible style

Also like he thought it would be good for you to work w chan and the rest of 3racha

Like bc yall around the same age

And it helps you become more comfy

And familiar w the company and the producing rooms and recording studios and what no

Like

Yer

And then like

Through working w them to produce a song for the trainee showcase

Yall get mad close

And like

You have your eyes on hyunjin from the start

Like bc who couldn’t

Like

Gorgeous boy

At first you were just like “this is admiration”

“He very handsome i just admire his features”

Yeah

And maybe it was..

At first

Now it's a full blown crush

Like

For real

That boy is so hard working

Like you constantly see him asking for help

So he can improve

And like

People always said he was a visual only

Which made you feel bad that you saw that at first 

But you realized later

That like

You actually like him bc of his personality

What a hard worker 

For real

Angel

Anyways

Little did you know that your crush was NOT one sided

Hyunjin admired your hard work in producing

And how you always took criticism well and only worked to improve your work

Also

He thought you were hella cute

So yall were both kinda obvious

Him more than you

Like by a loT

So skz knew for a fact that hyunjin was head over heels in love w you so they pushed him to confess to you

Yeah he was like no

But after PEEr pRessUre

He finally agreed

They was gonna plan something like a party for you

To celebrate the time you’ve been w the company

But the showcase came before the celebration and suddenly they were on a survival show to see who would debut

So the party was postponed OOOODDDDD

But you didnt even know it was gonna happen so you didnt mind anyways

Soon enough it got closer to your birthday, and skz just decided to make it a birthday celebration instead

Hyunjin was more iffy about confessing bc what if you dont feel the same and he ruins your bday oh no

But at this point, skz was sure you liked him back so they were like dont worry about that they aren’t like that your relationship will be fine

So the party happens ladida

You were super surprised and sosososososo happy

Bc like

Your hart

These boys were precious and totally made your day

Tbh bc of your work

You almost forgot it was your birthday

After the crazy loud party, you wanted to like take some quiet time for yourself so you excused yourself

And then walked to the hallway and sat by the window and looked out at the city and the night sky

Beautiful

And suddenly you heard footsteps

It was this boy named jason who you were friends with

He was from the same town you were from so you got close p quickly when you first got to jyp

And jason had a not-so-secret crush on you

That ofc you were oblivious to

But he came over there to spend time w you and wish you happy bday

Little did you know

Hyunijn was mentally preparing himself to confess to you down the hall and around the corner w a pretty bouquet of flowers what a sweet boy

And when he finally works up the courage, he turns the corner and sees jason giving you a bday hug 

And he cant help but feel his hart drop

Yall look good together and like you were from the same town so similarities

So he was heartbroken needless to say

 He quickly turned around and walked away

But you heard the footsteps and saw just a glance of his outfit retreating

You excused yourself from jason’s company and ran after him bc you are so in love w this boy

You were gonna hug him and thank him, but when you approached he took a step back

Like ow

That hurt

He quickly stammered that he had to go home bc he was tired and left

He was hiding the flowers behind his back :’(

And then tossed them as soon as he left the building

He went for a long ass walk to clear his mind and soothe his aching heart

You were so worried

Was he okay?

You went home soon after bc you couldnt help but worry and that made you super tired

But you couldn't sleep

InsOMniA

Goddamn it hyunjin

You messaged him

“you’re prob sleeping but i hope you feel better”

Dry ass reply: “thx”

Like wow

Rude

But you let it go

jic he was actually really exhausted

You knew he took criticism from the show too so maybe it was that

Hopefully he’d talk to you about it bc he usually did

But he didn't

He avoided you

Your heart really couldnt take it

Meanwhile you and jason got closer bc you didnt have hyunjin to hang out w anymore

Despite your many efforts

And this just further fuels his belief that yall are together

So to ignore the tinge in his heart every time he saw you, he buried himself in practice

Didn't sleep

Didnt drink enough water

Didnt eat enough

He was getting dangerously skinny and unhealthy

And it affected his attitude

Not only to you but to his members

One day you were asked to come in and monitor a recording session

And he was happy and giggly in front of the camera

But as soon as it turned off u could see the fatigue

And you told him that he should take better care of himself

And he SNAPPEd at you

 You actually flinched bc he was so aggressive

Your heart SHATTEREd

And you, also sleep deprived as FUCk

Slapped him

Not super hard, but like a “what the fuck is wrong with you”

And you walked right out, not even bothering to hide your tears

And he was sad but he thought that you hating him would help him get over you

What a dumb boy

You completely avoided him after that

You also still had restless nights 

God that convo kept playing over and over in your head

YOU COULDNT SLEEP

But one day you got a call from chan

He needed your help

Hyunjin was seriously overworking himself and he was afraid hyunjin was gonna collapse

Luckily you were still at the company working on smth bc ofc you couldn't sleep anyways so might as well make use of your time

So you finally agree bc even if you’re still angry at him, you are srsly worried about this boy

And when you get to the dance room your heart breaks all over again

Hes so pale

And sickly looking

And hes shaking but hes still dancing

You knock and hear a gruff “its open”

The music pauses for a moment but when he sees its you he scoffs and turns it back on

“what do you want”

“Uhm.. are you okay?”

“Why? You wanna slap me again to make me feel better?”

Ofc you rolled your eyes bc wtf hyunjin you were being nice

“I dont even know why i bothered”

You go over to the stereo and turn it off yourself

And he turns to you angry

ARGUMENT TIME

Him: “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?”

“MY PROBLEM?!!!?!?? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PUSHED ME AWAY FOR NO DAMN REASON!! AND EVEN AFTER ALL THAT, I STILL TRIED TO BE NICE AND ASK IF YOU WERE OKAY. I WAITED FOR YOU TO OPEN UP TO ME. TO TALK TO ME ABOUT WHATEVER WAS BOTHERING YOU!”

At this point, you’re practically sobbing like udk if he can understand you but who cares

All this frustration that was pent up inside felt good being released

Bc at this point, you had nothing more to lose

Hyunjin already hated you so like why not just speak your mind amirite

 Anyways continuing w the dialogue:

“HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY PROBLEM WHEN MY PROBLEM IS YOU!”

Cue awkward pause/break thing (AWKwARD SiLEncE)

“What are you talking about hyunjin?”

He sighed defeatedly

It was now or never. He felt like his relationship w you was ruined already anyways

So he, like you, also had a ‘what do i have to lose’ mentality

“I was going to confess to you y/n. That night at your birthday party. But i was too late. I saw you with jason and you looked so happy and perfect together.  So i left. I cut my ties with you because i didn’t want my own feelings to get in the way of your happiness.”

You were completely utterly speechless

Like there were an overwhelming number of feelings enveloping you atm

Bc on the one hand:

The love of your life just confessed to you

But on the other

Like

What a dumbass

You end up laughing and scoffing at his words bc

Hes so dumb

You dont like jason

God you’ve been in love w hyunjin for so goddamn long

And now you’re debating over how to respond

But like your anger and frustration kinda takes precedence bc youre also sleep deprived and you go

“ so, you broke your own heart and then you broke mine because you didn’t want to talk to me about it you dumbass ????”

And he gives you that classic confused puppy-dog look

W the head tilt and everything

And you go

“Hwang hyunjin, i’m fucking in love with you”

And he just stares blankly at you and blinks like 8 times trying to comprehend what just came out of your mouth

And his lips form an ‘o’ shape

And then hes coming closer and wrapping his arms around you

And you dont even mind that hes still sweaty and kinda smelly

Bc hes finally in your arms

But holding him so close also makes you super aware of just how skinny he’s gotten

Like it was worse than you thought

So you pull back and you open your mouth to chastise him

But before you can even start he’s cupping your cheeks can pulling your face to his

Your lips collide and then they're molding into one another

And your mind kinda blanks out

But your automatic reaction seems to be letting your fingers run through his hair and pulling him closer towards you

And when yall finally come up for breath

He tries to go in for another one like immediately after

Like slow your roll boy you guys can kiss all you want later

If you said that out loud, he wouldve responded w something like “we gotta make up for lost time”

But you put your hands on his chest and hold him back

And he pouts

(you almost squeal at how cute he looks)

“Ok, now that we’re dating, i am literally commanding you to take better care of yourself because this,” you eye him up and down, “is unacceptable”

And he quirks an eyebrow up and is like

Oh? I don’t recall asking you out? On a date?”

And you get all blushing and become a blubbering mess and hide your face in his chest like

“Shut up hyunjin”

But he’s just giggling at your embarrassed face :D

Then, him being the dramatic hoe that he is, he gets down on one knee in front of you and says

“y/n, y/l/n, will you go out on a date with me?”

And ofc u say yes

And after that whole dramatic scene, you pull him out of the practice room, fingers intertwined, ready to stuff him with food

And he goes

“I dont think i said it back.”

“Said what back?”

“That i love you”

UWU

And the rest is history

[brianyololau]

October 6th, 2020

I have something to admit... I didn’t get on the waitlist for this October and I’m starting school at the end of January. Big suck and idk what to tell my family. I think I’m going to lie to them and keep grinding learning as much as I can and putting energy into myself. A part of me tells me this isn’t the right thing to do, but my mom would not react to this well at all. I don’t want her to feel like I’m not doing anything with my life because I am. Without my introspective and growth mindset, I wouldn’t be where I am today. In fact, I’d probably be chasing a dream with no purpose. I’d be living in what I thought was my dream. My true desires are to grow, build, and cultivate a lasting and wealthy life for myself as well as the people around me. My passions remain the same, but my path is not easy. I admit. Pursuing a double career and learning to grow is hard especially when you dont have an emotionally supportive environment. All you got is yourself, but that’s the beauty of it. From when I was a kid till now, I’ve always relied on and believed in myself. I just didn’t fully realize it because I was chasing other people’s dreams and what I thought was my own. Now, I know. It’s simple, but I gotta overcome myself to trump my challenges. That’s what it takes to be my own boss. I’m confident that I can. I want it. Nothing happens to anyone that he is not fitted by nature to bear.

Not sure if I wrote about Andy’s bday dinner yet, but I’ll just express my thoughts here. That night, I realized that Dony was right and my suspicions of Eric were true. He is a narcissist and he’s entitled to his ego. That’s something I couldn’t get him to see because of his defensive mechanisms: gaslighting, lying, and aggression. As a friend, I feel bad for not being able to accomplish my hopes in helping him, but how could I when he’s such a pathological person who can’t tell the difference between kindness and disrespect? Before I decided to choose to ultimately side w Dony over both of them, I kept believing in Eric knowing that if I could stoop to his level of extreme authoritarian communication, challenging his idea of a successful man with fucking testosterone boosted dialect, he’d understand, but whyyy the hell should I? That’s not of me to adjust my world to fit his. Why should I accept his POV if he can’t even acknowledge mine? “I know it’s not right, but from where I’m from...” boy stfu. idgaf where ur from. If i smack the shit outchu u and tell u to fuck off for getting personal w me and then say it’s normal for me, anyone should be walking away from that. it doesn’t justify shit. None of it can actually and none of what I try and do for u will get through to your head if you cant see that for urself. and quite frankly, no one wants to put ur stupid ass down bc everyone knows you’ll just get uncontrollably mad again and fight back  just to save face. Gaslighting ass. I cant believe I gave him this much sympathy and let all these accounts slide. Besides, what kind of real friend doesn’t try to acknowledge and take into consideration someone else’s opinion? Especially if he was being real w u? His ego got to him and he didn’t even realize the two brothers who stuck w him the most were the ones he turned his back on. Who would’ve thought? but honestly, we should’ve seen that one coming. I was wrong about Eric. It took a conscious effort to see it. That boy sus.

Anyways, I finished reading Way of the Wolf. Really good content on how to improve sales presentations and smooth conversions. Though the book is tailored towards 1 on 1 sales, I plan on applying these concepts I learned into affiliate marketing. I learned about rapport building, state management, advanced tonality and body language, looping, prospecting, taking control of the sale, intelligence gathering, script making, and the Straight Line elements. It was pretty hard to finish the last 20%. It got less interesting as I began reading about scripts and loops probably since I won’t be significantly applying that to myself atm. It definitely fortified my assumptions on how to approach sales though.

I’ve also noticed that my mind has very slightly expanded from reading. It’s as though my processing and idea conveying is more efficient. It might also be bc reading triggers parts of the brain that u dont use often, but damn how I wish I could etch everything I read into my mind and apply it right away, but I just learned that reading is not enough to learn. I also have to apply it for that’s when information is transcribed to knowledge. My brain can’t just be a library of information. If I don’t how to use the information and make use of it, all I’ve learned would just be theory! Got that off of a Quora post today. The person who answered it said he created a 30 day log where he experimented on the concepts he learned and could apply. By the end of it, he integrated the knowledge into his life and made noticeable changes. I found it interesting bc it’s true. Applied knowledge is power, not just knowledge. So, now, I’m starting my own logs to see how that goes. I’ll update on this later on. 

Bruh I just saw the older post about me being mad about my family. I was so wrong. I learned that there are two sides to every story and before I judge one side, I have to consider the other. Why? because ppl have different experiences and can purposely lie. Found out that Bao’s mom was a helluva a cheater the whole time and lied to her daughters to skew the story to her perspective as the heroine. Truth be told, there were no heroes, my family included. None, but this is a story that has to be resolved by Anh and Bao themselves. It’s not for me to act like I know and can solve this conflict myself. only right that I help them see for themselves. boy when the time comes though, it’s about to get real

[clonerightsagenda]

Posting Gill’s bday fic over here with permission. It’s Rosemary-related and TLC compliant (with a couple of minor spoilers) but should be understandable even with no knowledge of the AU.

This is what you have learned from dating Rose Lalonde. Expect any room to fill up with clutter in her presence. Your attempts to keep things tidy are as effective as holding back the tide. Expect everything to take on the feel of an epic, like you might be summoned onto a world-altering quest at a moment’s notice. It’s like a human fairy tale, but the old kind, not remakes that are all glitter and talking animals. The stories with teeth.

Don’t expect her to say that she loves you.

Don’t take it personally either. That’s what you remind yourself. Rose resists sincerity. When you presented her with the first flowers you’d grown in the new greenhouse (roses; you’d been delighted to learn she’d been named for a flower), she’d laughed uncertainly like you’d unlocked an event she didn’t have a script for. Over the next week, as the blooms withered, they moved around. First you spotted them on the windowsill, then on her bedside table, in this vase or that one, like she couldn’t figure out what place they had in her life.

On the Land of Rays and Frogs, you encountered a puzzle path made of colored lily pads. If you stepped on the wrong one, it would buckle and deposit you in a mini-boss chamber before you returned to the start, weary and wiser. Navigating this relationship feels much the same. Some of your missteps now are the inevitable outcome of two species still learning about each other, but not all of them. After reading Rose’s walkthrough, you’d daydreamed of meeting its author. Now you think you need a walkthrough for her too.

The day after your tumultuous first date, Rose dumped her concoctions down the drain, saying she could embarrass herself perfectly well without the aid of depressants. Not even a week later, she set the equipment up again.

“It might come in handy for medicinal purposes,” she said when you asked her why she’d changed her mind. “Besides, it wasn’t all bad.” She winked. “We got some mileage out of it.”

You blushed, and your rainbow drinker glow briefly flared before you wrestled it under control again. In the first few weeks you hadn’t known how the rules changed when you moved from unofficial to official. Where did you put your eyes, or your hands? What were you allowed to say? “It did make you more forward.”

She laughed, and from the sharpness on her breath you realized she’d already been sampling her experiments. “I can be so fucking uptight sometimes. Maybe we all need to lighten up. Lighten up. Get it?”

“I get it,” you said. But you didn’t.

So you sought clarification from Dave. After you quested through the meteor, lipstick at the ready in case of clown sightings, you found him topside staring back the way you’d come. At the beginning of your journey, you’d taken turns stationing yourselves there, afraid Jack would catch up and resume his rampage when you least expected it. When he didn’t make an appearance, you’d all let your guards down, reducing sentry duty to a quick backward glance now and then. Was he keeping watch for Lord English now?

“Are you watching for Jack?” you asked.

He jumped and tried to cover it with a miniscule adjustment to his cape. “Nah. Watching Skeletor blast everyone to bits.”

“You and Rose have been up here a lot recently.”

“We both came up after the first killing, you know? It was so loud.” He rubbed at his eyes underneath his shades. His skin is a few shades lighter than his sibling’s, and you could see shadows there. “It’s been hard to sleep since then. At least she’s found a way to conk out.”

“About her newfound use of soporifics.” You hesitated, staring up at the flashing lights that were already becoming familiar. It’s amazing how fast you accustom yourselves to the unthinkable. “Is that normal for humans?”

He frowned. (Later, he’d tell you he hadn’t been sure how to respond. “I didn’t want to fuck it up for you two,” he said. “I didn’t think it’d get that bad.”) “Hard to say what’s normal in our situation. Guess a lot of people would pull out a bottle after everything we’ve gone through. Better than sticking a forty-five in your mouth. She’s always been extreme about reacting to things. It’s hard to believe we’re the same damn species sometimes, let alone siblings.”

“I didn’t think an outing with me is so terrible you have to be out of your wits to enjoy it.” You didn’t mean to sound petulant, but his eyebrows rose.

“She doesn’t mean it like that.”

“I thought you didn’t understand her.”

“It would take an institutional thinktank to really figure her out, but I do a little.” He shoved his hands into his pockets. He does that when he’s being serious sometimes. “I think the whole thing freaked her out. Freaks her out, present tense, if you’re officially an item now. Congrats, by the way.”

“Thank you.”

Another spiderweb of cracks blossomed above your heads. You could see them reflected in Dave’s shades as he said, “I don’t think she trusts anyone being nice to her 100%, that’s all. Not even me.”

Rose has been clean for months now in human terms. You both have. The first few weeks of your victory were spent dealing with the effects of abandoning your substances of choice. You stumbled around feeling as if you’d been dipped in concrete, your movements and thoughts slow and ponderous. Rose went days without sleep and flinched away from things the rest of you couldn’t see. Roxy warned you of what to expect, since she’d gone through the process before. She’s also the one who told you to remind Rose to eat. “She’s not gonna want to,” she said. “You feel gross all over and the last thing you want to do is stick more shit in your body, but if you don’t eat you’ll just feel crummier.”

You’d noticed her drinking her meals before, but you’d never brought it up beyond meaningful glances or the pointed placement of foodstuffs in her respiteblock. Rose has always been good at dodging questions. “Do you have any suggestions for a strategic approach? She’ll try to deflect me with witticisms. Her barbs are floppy at the edges right now, but my defenses are equally compromised.”

“That’s a cute way of saying you’re both fucked up.” Roxy shrugged. “I can’t beat her in a war of words, and I wouldn’t try. My advice? Sit on her and force feed her Saltines while telling her it’s for her own good.”

You had been skipping meals yourself. Even after eating normal food, you still felt hungry. Your system wanted something else to satisfy it, so what was the point? Rose latched on to that hypocrisy when you tried to nag her, so you’d end up sitting across the table from each other with plates of leftovers cold from the fridge, matching each other mouthful for mouthful. Whatever worked.

The worst of that is past now. But sometimes she still behaves in ways that make you wonder if after all these sweeps she really trusts you.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] -- GA: Jade GA: Shes Doing It Again GG: whos doing what? :o GA: You Know Who GA: Who Else Do I Come To You In Search Of Explanations For Their Inexplicable Habits GA: Show Some Space Player Solidarity Here GA: There Are So Few Of Us Who View Common Sense As Part Of A Complete Breakfast GG: for everyone else its an optional granola to sprinkle on top GA: The Recipe Said Season To Taste And Im Afraid Theres A Serious Lack Of That In The Premises GA: Ok Can We Cut The Extended Cooking Metaphor Out GG: yeah, it was getting a little meanspirited GA: That Too I Guess Mostly I Didnt Want To Get Stuck Exchanging Culinary Puns GG: ok, what terrible thing is rose doing now GA: She Has Locked Herself In Her Room And Has Been Listening To Her Playlist Designated For Angst For Three Hours GG: lol GG: that behavior cannot stand! GG: except it sort of can, since we all have a right to privacy GG: even if we exercise that right by listening to sad music all day GG: these things cannot be revoked for bad taste GA: Actually Most Of It Has Been Pretty Good GA: Filtering Through The Door Gives It Nice Acoustics GG: maybe you need to give her some... space :D :D :D GA: I Just Want To Know What Upset Her GA: She Says It Wasnt Me But I Dont Know If That Means It Wasnt Me Or It Was Me And I Am Expected To Work That Out On My Own GA: A Reassessment Of The Past Few Days Activities Hasnt Turned Up Anything Suspicious GG: i cant think of anything that might have upset her... GG: ohhhhhhhhhh GG: i think its her moms birthday GG: that might be it GA: How Did You Know GA: Is That Supposed To Be Common Knowledge GG: she complained one time about having to go to a fancy dinner GG: something thrown by her moms colleagues i think??? GG: her mom made her dress up in something frilly, she said she felt like an american girl doll GG: to be honest she sent a picture and i thought it was a cute dress!! GG: definitely not her style though GA: Im Impressed You Remember GG: i try to keep track of these things GG: it was nice hearing about everyones lives, i always wished I could do things like that GG: tell me your lususes birthday, i will put it in my calendar GA: I Never Knew It GA: I Wish Shed Told Me GA: Rose I Mean I Dont Think Wriggling Days Are Important For Virgin Mothergrubs GG: dont take it personally GG: she does it to all of us, and youre her girlfriend so she has to be EXTRA secretive about terrible and compromising things like emotions GA: That Logic Sounds Backward GG: the human mind is a complicated maze of mystery kanaya GA: Sounds Mysterious GG: it is GG: she probably doesnt realize its stressing you out, i know shes trying to be better about that kind of thing GG: you know, COMMUNICATION!! D: GA: No Please Anything But That GG: the achilles heel of our entire household GG: i can bug her if you want GA: No Thats Ok GA: Mostly I Wanted To Make Sure I Hadnt Caused This And Needed To Resolve It GA: If She Wants To Grieve By Herself I Understand GG: if shes still in there by dinner well root her out! GG: there is a limit to how many sad songs are good for your soul GA: Ok GA: In The Meantime Do You Have Any Work That Needs Doing In The Greenhouse GA: Id Like To Keep My Hands Busy GG: theres some stuff that needs deadheading on table three GG: do you want company? GA: No Thats Fine GA: Ill Talk To You Later GG: sure thing! -- ¬¬grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] -- GA: Im Sorry About Your Mother TT: Who told you about that? GA: Jade TT: Figures. TT: Lousy goddamn supportive friends. GA: She Has Said She Will Flush You Out If You Dont Come Down To Dinner GA: Do You Feel Up To It GA: Otherwise I Can Convince Her To Leave You Be GA: She Is Easily Distracted From Her Resolutions If You Know How To Play Your Gaming Rectangles Right TT: No, I'll be there. TT: What time is it? GA: Half Past Five So No Rush GA: Im Still Gardening And Havent Washed Up TT: It might take me that long to get presentable. GA: Was Her Wriggling Day Important To You GA: I Admit The Concept Is New To Me GA: What With Our Ancestors Being So Far Removed From Our Lives And Our Guardians Being Literal Fauna Who Did Not Celebrate Notable Dates TT: It’s probably not even her real birthday. TT: We were all created on the same day, and I doubt anyone was on hand to record when her meteor touched down. TT: She must have picked a day she liked. TT: We used to give each other over-the-top gifts every year. TT: I thought she was being passive aggressive, so I reciprocated in turn. TT: The last year, I thought about getting her a bedazzled martini glass, but I didn’t get around to it. TT: Thank god. TT: I can only hope she interpreted my gestures as sincere as readily as I interpreted hers as sarcastic. TT: Otherwise she must have thought I was the worst daughter imaginable. GA: Im Sure She Didnt Think That TT: I wish I’d given her something better. TT: Something genuine. GA: I Was Working On A New Hat For Nepeta During The Game GA: I Got Some Monster Slime On Her Old One With A Sloppy Chainsaw Maneuver And Even Though She Said It Wasnt The First Time I Wanted To Make It Up To Her GA: And Help At Least One Of My Teammates Diversify Their Wardrobe TT: There’s always an ulterior motive, isn’t there? GA: You Tell Me GA: You Are The Expert In Decoding The Nefarious Meaning Hidden Within Every Exchange Of Pleasantries TT: It’s a secret code, Kanaya. TT: The sixth grader who tossed the newspaper into our yard this morning is working with the KGB. That’s what "Good morning" meant. This is well established in spy manuals. GA: My Knowledge Of Human Subterfuge Is Always Expanding GA: The Hat Was Supposed To Be A Surprise GA: Then I Found It In A Treasure Chest Not Long Into Our Journey GA: Theyre Gone And You Know That But Then You Find Something That Reminds You GA: Oh GA: Ill Never Give Her That Will I TT: I don’t know what I would’ve done if we’d lost anyone from our session. TT: Well, I do know. I have memories from a timeline where we lost half. TT: It wasn’t pretty. TT: I know in a lot of ways we got lucky. GA: Its Not A Contest GA: You Dont Have To Have Had It Worst To Feel Bad TT: I know. TT: But it’s hard. GA: See Look At Us Talking About Our Emotions Isnt That Nice GA: A Horrible Kind Of Nice TT: Or a nice kind of horrible. TT: Either or. GA: The Juxtaposition Is Key TT: I didn't mean to shut you out. GA: I Know You Need Privacy Sometimes GA: I Would Just Prefer To Know Whats Going On So I Dont Have To Worry About Whats Wrong GA: And You Know You Can Talk To Me TT: I know. Intellectually. TT: Is it weird I can trust you all with my life but not always with my feelings? GA: Kind Of GA: But I Get It GA: Were All Weird About Some Things TT: I'm trying to do better. And I'll let you know next time I need to indulge in a three-hour sad jams session so you won't worry. TT: Maybe after I've run through my playlist, we can even talk about it. GA: We Can Sit Awkwardly At A Table Waiting For The Other One To Break The Silence First TT: A tradition. GA: Also I Should Let You Know Its Stir Fry Night TT: Really? TT: You should have led with that. TT: Save me a seat.

As time passes, you all improve with hesitant steps that sometimes send you sliding back, sometimes not. Rose throws herself into her walkthrough, which she plans to distribute to anyone else caught up in SGRUB’s gears. Everyone is on consultant duty to flesh out areas of personal expertise. You, however, are her co-editor, a position of special privilege.

Rose views the work as one more way to help whatever players come after you. Your motivation is less selfless. Once, several sweeps and universes ago, an alien’s words found you and gave you something to hang on to. Somewhere, in a distant galaxy, someone else is being forced to play this game. Maybe your words can reach them, like Rose’s reached you. Working on the walkthrough now lets you build something together in a way that she won’t dismiss as sappy and overdone, a love letter for the universe.

That doesn’t mean you don’t run into difficulties, of course.

TT: Have you had a chance to look over the Prospit chapter? GA: Oh Uh GA: Ive Seen It TT: Did you have any feedback? TT: I'm going to ask Jade too, but I thought I'd give you the first shot. GA: Um GA: I Dont Know TT: Was it that off-base? TT: I know I'm a Derse dreamer, but I tried to be thorough. GA: Its More The Tone GA: You Wrote That Prospit May Look Friendlier But Should Still Be Viewed As An Antagonist Because It Has Ulterior Motives GA: And Maybe Thats True Especially About The Clouds GA: But My Time On The Moon Was The Brighter Portion Of My Childhood GA: And The People Of Prospit Were Always Kind To Me GA: So I Guess The Framing Made Those Memories Feel Kind Of GA: Threatened TT: Oh. GA: It Isnt A Logical Reaction TT: What do you think I should change? GA: I Dont Know GA: Maybe Nothing GA: Youre The Expert Here I Know Im Biased Toward My Moon Whatever Systems It Might Be Part Of GA: We All Take That View About Some Parts Of Our Youth Dont We GA: Even If It Was Part Of Something Bad We Remember The Good Moments GA: We Hold On To The Small Kindnesses TT: …Yeah. GA: You Can Disregard That Feedback GA: Youre The One With Writing Expertise And A Clear Goal In Mind GA: I Dont Really Know What Im Doing GA: Youre Better At This TT: I’m really not. TT: I just put on a more convincing show. TT: Don’t dismiss yourself. You have expertise in areas I don’t. GA: I Guess Im Not As Used To Putting Myself Out There TT: You can come up with a clever pen name. TT: There’s a tradition of vampires spelling their names backward. GA: Im Reformed TT: An anagram then, maybe. TT: Jokes aside, this is a collaborative project. We’ve got a Google doc and everything. TT: I don't want to intergalactically publish anything you're not comfortable with. TT: How about a revision session this evening? I'll bring Lofthouse cookies. GA: The Ones That Are Just Discs Of Sugar And Flour TT: With nary a redeeming nutritional quality in sight. TT: Keep that quiet, though. Jane would kill me if she knew I was smuggling them into the house. GA: Sounds Great Ill Be There

Rose’s typical drafting position is on her stomach with her laptop propped up on the pillow. You prefer to stretch your legs out with your back up against the wall. Thermoses of tea balance precariously between the two of you on the mattress.

“There’s been a lot of activity on the kernelsprite document,” Rose says, flicking through the pages. “Apparently Hal listed “100 advantages of being prototyped” and Dirk replaced it with “Most of this list is either illegal or immoral.” I’m turning track changes on to see what they were.”

You tap your fingers idly on the keys while your own husktop buffers. “Anything good?”

“Get away with murder,” she reads. “That’s cliché, you don’t even have to be a sprite for that. I think he just put it in there to be edgy. He’s trying so hard; you have to respect that. It’s like when I started buying black makeup to try to spite my mother.” She scrolls down further. “Oh, here’s a good one. Clip through the floor.”

“I’ve seen John do it. He’s not as original as he thinks he is.” You peer at her screen. “Eat your enemy’s phone. I’ll give him points for one. It’s not feasible for most mortals.”

Rose reaches across your legs for another cookie. “Sure, if you’re a coward.”

“I’ll accept that designation if it means avoiding a mouthful of circuitry.”

She chews thoughtfully and then flicks a sprinkle off onto the carpet. At least you’re in her room. Still, you feel a compulsion to pick it up. “About what you were saying earlier. I don’t want to contribute to any lingering insecurities.”

The change of topics catches you off guard. “They’re milling around in the lobby, but I’m not letting them upstairs.” You shrug, your shoulders sliding up the wall. “As we’ve been reminding each other, we can’t fix everything about ourselves immediately. I’m more confident than I used to be. I didn’t let Jake talk me into that routine with the glitter.”

“Shame.” She frowns at you, an expression diluted somewhat by a rim of frosting on her upper lip. “I’m not commandeering this project too much, am I? It’s nice to have something to be enthusiastic about again, but maybe I’m getting carried away.”

“No, you’re being very accommodating.” You squirm, smoothing out inconsequential creases in your skirt. Sometimes feelings don’t make sense. But once Rose decides she wants to talk about them, she tries to pin them to the page and dissect them. She does it because she wants to understand and help, the same way she wants to reverse engineer SBURB with words to assist players who come after. That doesn’t make the process any more pleasant when you’re the one on the operating table. “The problem is on my end, in the concern lobby. The lurking insecurities have been taking numbers for a while, and the counter is only up to twelve.”

“Like Inside Out crossed with a DMV? Hellish.” Rose picks up a pen and rolls it between her fingers. She likes to draft things longhand first sometimes. “I remember back on the last day of the game, you said you thought everyone burned brighter than you. You must’ve realized by now that my “burning brighter” is mostly because I have a habit of setting myself on fire.”

You’ll admit you’d been starstruck by the walkthrough’s mysterious author. It had been nice to harbor a new secret crush once Vriska was a lost cause. And you’d first met Rose face to face as a newly risen goddess bathed in the luminescence of the Green Sun. She’d seemed ethereal and beyond you.

Then, after the first few hours of sorting out living arrangements and watching Karkat roam around yelling for Gamzee to give the bodies back, she’d announced she was going to “sleep for a fucking week” and faceplanted into the nearest rug. Dave didn’t help beyond alchemizing some safety cones and setting them up around her. That had helped a little. So had seeing what her hair looks like in the mornings. “If you’re worried I have some unattainable vision of you set on a mental altar, rest easy. But you did restructure the multiverse with nothing but nerve, so I might still want your autograph a little.”

Rose brandishes the pen. “Only on the condition I get to sign your bra.” When you wave her away, she drops it on the pillow. “Spearheading the multiverse operation is one of my prouder accomplishments, I’ll admit, but my violet-tinged authorial prowess is entirely due to thinking I was hot shit as a pre-teen on the Internet. Besides, if we’re talking bragging rights, you fixed reality. Not to mention put up with us idiots for three years.”

“That was a struggle.” At times you’d wondered if you were the only one on the meteor keeping ahold of your wits. “Remember when the ceiling panels gave way and Gamzee fell onto the table?”

“Not our best group dinner. But you see, I’m a mess. You’re the one who has her act together.”

You frown. Being praised for your stability is a sore spot of yours. Yes, you’d been the one to bear everyone else’s struggles. That doesn’t mean you liked it. “I had to. Someone did. It got tiring after a while, though.”

Rose winces. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way. You shouldn’t have had to. But it is impressive that you did.”

“You were sick,” you say, in response to her apology.

You see her shoulder blades rise and fall in a muted shrug. “I know. But that doesn’t mean you should have had to deal with it.”

“I guess…” Maybe you’re the one who’s prompted her to speak up, but you struggle with your words too. Troll culture teaches you that open exchanges of feelings are for moirails. Palemates are the only people you can trust the depths of your soul to, if you can truly trust anyone at all. Humans don’t compartmentalize in the same way. You can see the benefits of that system, but you still fear saying the wrong thing will push her away. “You undercut yourself to tell me I’m better than I think I am. But if I’m already worried about measuring up to some standard, that just pushes us both lower. Do you see what I mean?”

“The self-deprecation’s not cute. Got it.” She twists around in what is probably some kind of advanced yoga pose to look you in the eye. “But you shouldn’t undersell yourself either, ok?”

When she doesn’t break eye contact, you nod reluctantly. “This is a very affirming argument we’re having.”

She reaches over and prods you with the pen. “I’m channeling Jake. Believe in yourself.”

You smile. “It’s hard to resist, these days.”

When you’re done for the evening, Rose captchalogues her laptop and you troop out. Everyone has their own room, but all of you tend to spend more of your nights in the common area curled up in armchairs or slumped over each other on sofas, within easy sight of each other when you wake from bad dreams. After a few weeks of intentionally lingering there until you fell asleep, you made it official and filled the whole room with soft materials like a huge communal pile. Terezi even taped up democratically-determined regulations. Rose spends some nights curled up next to you with her face shoved so close against your neck you wonder how she can breathe. Sometimes, though, she retreats to a corner with a pillow at her back like a wall. You know not to approach her then.

Tonight, she finds an empty patch of floor and drops down on it. You lower yourself next to her.

“Are you happy with the chapter now?” she asks.

“I’d like to give it another pass tomorrow, but it’s much better.”

“And everything else?”

“That’s better too.”

“Good.” She gives you a peck on the lips and, when Terezi wolfwhistles, flips her the bird and kisses you for real. You kiss her back, until… You pull away.

“Are you wearing my lip balm?”

“Maybe.” She purses the lips in question. “It’s got a good flavor.”

“I was wondering where that went. You know, you could have just asked to borrow it.” Grudgingly, anyway. She has a terrible habit of licking the stuff off and then reapplying it to start the cycle anew.

Rose raises an eyebrow. “You offered to do my laundry so you could steal my favorite shirt.”

You think, with only a modicum of guilt, of the shirt you have stashed behind the laundry basket in your closet. “It’s very soft.”

“I’m never getting that back, am I?”

“Probably not.”

She sticks her tongue out at you and pulls a blanket over her shoulders. “Night.”

“Good night,” you say. That’s the only endearment you exchange.

-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] -- GA: Karkat GA: Karkat Answer Your Phone I Know You Can See This GA: Youre Looking At It Right Now CG: YEAH I SURE AM. CG: I'M STARING AT THIS MARVELOUS HUNK OF PLASTIC AND ELECTRICITY IN MY HANDS AND REFLECTING ON HOW IT GRANTS US THE ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER FROM ANY DISTANCE. CG: SUCH AS, FOR EXAMPLE, EIGHT FUCKING FEET AWAY. GA: This Is Private CG: I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD A CONCEPT OF PRIVACY ANYMORE. CG: COLOR ME SURPRISED, SO SOME THINGS ABOUT OUR LIVES *AREN’T* SUPPOSED TO BE COMMON KNOWLEDGE? GA: It Might Help If You Spoke With Any Kind Of Discretion Or Volume Control CG: NOT AN OPTION. CG: CARRY ON. GA: Youve Watched A Lot Of Human Romances GA: What Is The Appropriate Interval Before Affirmations Of Matespritship Are Exchanged GA: You Know Like GA: Uh CG: "I LOVE YOU"? GA: Yes That CG: THE FIRST STEP IS BEING ABLE TO TYPE IT INTO A PRIVATE CHAT SESSION WITHOUT BLUSHING. CG: I CAN SEE YOU OVER THERE. GA: Dammit GA: What Is The Waiting Period Here Like Three Sweeps CG: SO I GUESS SHE HASN'T DONE IT YET? GA: Well GA: Not Sober GA: She Was Quite Eager To Confess Admiration While On Soporifics GA: To Everyone And Everything Including Inanimate Objects GA: Im Not Sure Such Exchanges No Matter How Heartfelt Can Be Considered Fully Genuine CG: YOU'RE IN LUCK, A LOT OF HUMAN FILMS COVER THIS IN DEPTH. CG: IF YOU WANT I CAN ARRANGE A VIEWING SESSION WITH SOME MORE INFORMATIVE SELECTIONS. GA: That Might Be Fun GA: But Mostly I Would Appreciate Some Friendly Advice GA: As Educational As Im Sure The Latest Work Starring Anne Hathaway Would Be CG: AN EXECUTIVE SUMMARY IS: CG: IT USUALLY DOESN’T TAKE THIS LONG. CG: BUT THE CHARACTERS INVOLVED ARE OLDER, THE SAME SPECIES, AND HAVEN’T BEEN THROUGH A WAR, SO IT’S NOT A REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLE. CG: ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT IT? GA: Not Exactly GA: I Know The Sentiment Is There GA: If Anything I Just Hope She Feels Comfortable Enough She Knows She Can Be Open With Me GA: Shes Trying But I Can Tell Its Still Difficult For Her CG: DAVE SAYS "its obvious shes crazy about you" SO NO WORRIES THERE. GA: Why Is Dave Part Of This Conversation CG: HE WALKED OVER AND LOOKED AT MY PHONE OVER THE BACK OF THE SOFA. CG: LIKE I SAID. PRIVACY = ZERO GA: Hi Dave CG: HE SAYS HI. GA: I Saw Him Wave GA: Now Tell Him To Go Away CG: AND HE’S GONE. CG: THE CHAT IS CLEAR OF FUTURE BROTHERS-IN-LAW. GA: Future What CG: THAT’S WHAT YOU’LL BE IF YOU AND ROSE GET "HUMAN MARRIED". CG: THE RITUAL MAKES YOU FAMILY WITH THEIR ENTIRE FAMILY. CG: I’M PRETTY SURE IT WAS HISTORICALLY DESIGNED TO ACQUIRE ECONOMIC AND POLITICAL ADVANTAGES. CG: YOU KNOW, KIND OF LIKE HOW INTERCASTE MOIRALLEGIANCES CAN AFFORD LOWER CASTES PROTECTION. CG: BUT IN MODERN TIMES MOSTLY IT MEANS YOU’RE STUCK WITH THOSE CHUCKLEFUCKS FOR LIFE AS A PACKAGE DEAL. GA: Oh No CG: OH YES. GA: Karkat I May Be Rethinking This Whole Venture CG: TOO LATE, I’M GOING TO BE YOUR BEST MAN. IT’S ALREADY DECIDED. GA: What Is A Best Man GA: Is It Whoever I Have Designated If I Were For Some Reason Obligated To Wed Someone Of That Gender CG: NO. CG: THE MOVIES AREN’T ENTIRELY CLEAR ABOUT THEIR ROLE, BUT IN GENERAL THEY GIVE HEARTFELT SPEECHES AND PROVIDE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. GA: Maybe I Want Jake To Be My Best Man GA: He Can Recite Touching Monologues Ripped From The Silver Screen CG: YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THIS WHATSOEVER. CG: (YOU KNOW I’M JOKING, RIGHT?) GA: I Figured GA: Although I Wouldn’t Put It Past You To Try To Plan That Kind Of Thing Out For Me CG: HEY IF YOU EVER WANT IDEAS, I CAN THROW SOME OUT THERE. CG: YOU’RE WAY TOO YOUNG FOR THAT KIND OF THING THOUGH. CG: AND WE STILL HAVE TO GET YOU FROM POINT A TO POINT B, WHICH INVOLVES TRAVERSING THE ROCKY TERRAIN OF EMOTIONAL HONESTY, WITH WHICH I HAVE HAD NO PAST PROBLEMS AT ALL. CG: YOU COULD ALWAYS SAY IT FIRST YOURSELF I GUESS. CG: UNLESS YOU THINK THAT’LL MAKE HER EVEN MORE NERVOUS? GA: It Might GA: Outright Displays Of Emotion Embarrass Her She Relates It Too Much To Her Drunken Excesses And Those Of Her Mother GA: If I Can Be Permitted To Psychoanalyze Here GA: Shes Admitted As Much CG: THEN… LET HER KNOW SHE CAN FEEL COMFORTABLE? CG: THAT DOESN’T SOUND VERY EXCITING, BUT MAYBE IT DOESN’T HAVE TO. CG: THEY MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT IN THE MOVIES BUT I THINK AS LONG AS YOU’RE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE WHETHER THOSE THREE EXACT WORDS HAVE ESCAPED YOUR QUIVERING CHUTE FLAPS DOESN’T MATTER ALL THAT MUCH. CG: THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO SHOW YOU CARE. I’M PRETTY SURE YOU’VE GOT THAT COVERED. CG: MOVIES AREN’T ALWAYS THAT REALISTIC ABOUT WHICH PARTS OF A RELATIONSHIP ARE A FEDERAL FUCKING ISSUE VERSUS WHICH PARTS ARE NEGOTIABLE. GA: !! CG: YEAH YEAH RUB IT IN. CG: SO I RELIED ON THEM A LOT, IT’S NOT LIKE I HAD MUCH PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. GA: I Shouldnt Criticize This Was Helpful GA: Thanks For Listening GA: And I Would Like To Watch Movies With You Sometime If That Offer Is Still On The Table CG: DEFINITELY. CG: I’LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I’VE GOT A GOOD LINEUP PULLED TOGETHER.

A few days later, Rose wanders into your room unannounced and flops onto the bed. This isn’t uncommon behavior, so you keep sorting through your clean laundry. Her cat behaves similarly, insinuating himself into a room as if he belongs there. It’s a lazy confidence you envy. “We should go out,” she says, directing her words at the ceiling.

“We should?” you ask, holding two socks up to see if they match. They don’t, exactly, but they are a pair. Rose knitted them for you herself. They’re lumpy and awkwardly shaped, and you treasure them.

“We were going to do something fun after the game, remember? That was the plan. But we've both been sick, and outside is...” Rose waves toward the window and the world it serves as a barrier against. “Outside, so we haven't gotten around to it. But we should. You’ve been in your room a lot. It’ll do us both good.”

Drat. Your downturns aren’t as explosive as the others’. Sometimes you simply withdraw, spending more time on your own while a mental screen descends between you and the world, distorting it like a blur filter. There’s nothing wrong with you, exactly; it’s just that you don’t have the energy. That’s not bad, right? There are worse things than numbness. “What were you thinking we could do?”

She sits up halfway and then flops back down again. The pillows bounce. “I was hoping you'd have some ideas.”

You twist the socks together and toss them into the appropriate drawer. “The only thing I remember suggesting was outfits without sleeves.”

“Compelling, but not really something to make a date out of.” Rose frowns. “Have we ever... had a normal date? By regular people's standards?”

“Troll or human?” You shake your head. “I don't think any species would give us a passing grade.”

“Earthworms might be impressed.”

You pout. “You've never taken me to any good plots of soil.”

“We'll do that next time. For now, Jane said someone needs to do the shopping.”

“You know how to sweep me off my feet.”

Rose, still prone, waves a list in your direction. “It'll be fun. We get to pick which flavor of potato chips we want, and everyone else has to live with it.”

If Alternia had anything like supermarkets, they hadn’t spread near your oasis. For all that your caste can stand the sun, the electric lights hurt your eyes. They’re too bright – a harsh white that makes all the bright colors look flat and artificial. You reach for Rose’s hand, and she squeezes it. “I appreciate the support,” you say, “but I wanted to see the list.”

“Oh. Right.” She brings it up for both of you to consult. “Does Jade know how expensive beef is? She’s really running us through it.”

“She’s been talking about growing vegetables for the household. It’s too bad she can’t raise her own cows.”

“Don’t give her ideas. She wouldn’t be able to bring herself to butcher them, not after we’d named them all.” Rose leads you to the back of the store and scoops up slabs of meat packed into tidy foam and plastic containers. The setup is so clinical your residual rainbow drinker instincts don’t even twitch. It’s a far cry from the Alternian pastime of slicing your dinner up while it’s still wriggling. “We need milk,” she begins, and trails off after she pivots to the left. “It was that way in my old store. But they must not follow a common plan.”

Rose looks unmoored now that her navigational confidence has been broken. A lot of the humans are like this, wavering when their world doesn’t behave the way they think it should. It’s almost easier for those of you who expect foreign ways and customs. It’s harder to be a stranger in your own home. “We’ll wander,” you say, and steer her firmly by the shoulder.

By a combination of trial and error and studying signage like relics of a lost civilization, you manage to gather everything on the list. The only problem comes when you pass a series of shelves stacked with bottles, and Rose stiffens. It takes a moment for the pieces to fall into place – you’ve never seen wine packaged in its original containers before.

”Come on,” you say, linking your arm with hers. “Help me test which limes are ripest.”

You have to tug for a moment before she comes with you. You don’t think she’s planning to make a running leap for the vintage. If anything, she looks like she does when there’s an enemy sighted, wary and ready to spring. If she destroys several wine racks with a blast of divine light, that’ll probably go on your bill.

”Sorry,” she says, once you’ve made it to the produce section. “At my old store, it was in a separate room. Not out in the open.”

You lean toward her a little, so your shoulders press together. “It took you by surprise.”

She leans back. “Like pulling down your sheets and seeing a spider in your bed.” You see a dot of blood on her lower lip. She must have bitten it. “It must be harder for you. There’s no getting away from all that blood walking around on two legs.”

”It’s easier not to slip up, though.” You reach over with your free hand and dab at her cut, wiping the smear on the side of your shirt. “They’d make a fuss if I tried to sample it.”

”That’s what recovering alcoholics need.” She swipes at her mouth herself, but the wound is already closing. “Wine bottles that scream when you open them.”

”You’ve uncovered a new industry.”

”I need to patent it immediately.”

You squeeze her arm before letting go. If she’s making jokes, that’s a good sign.

Rose perks up when you’re heading toward the checkout. “Hang on. We have to stop by the natural foods section.”

”We do?” You check the list again. There’s nothing left on it.

”You never know,” she says. Now it’s her turn to drag you along. “The cure to all our life’s problems might be hiding next to the apricot kernels.”

Her tone is mocking. “Is there something wrong with natural products?”

”Not on their own. Jade says a lot of processed food upsets her stomach after growing up without it. But some people will pitch organic to you as the cure for cancer, and if you’re telling me you feed your four-year-old Goji berries instead of getting him vaccinated, I think you’ve opened yourself up to public disdain.” Rose plucks a box of tea off the shelf. “Look at this one. It says it’ll revitalize your body and restore harmony to your thoughts. All for twelve dollars, too.”

”Sounds like a deal.”

”It would have its work cut out for it with us. Hey, if I drink Sleepy Time and Stay Alert blends at the same time, what do you think will happen?”

”You’ll shed your corporeal form and ascend to a being of pure consciousness, and that would be a shame, because I like your face.” You retrieve the boxes and put them back before she decides to do product testing. “Apparently these exotic grains cure depression with their wholesome vitamins and minerals.”

”Buy the whole shelf.”

She’s right; some of these products are ridiculous. The two of you are giggling over asparagus water when a middle-aged woman pushes past you with her shopping cart. A highblood couldn’t look down their nose better. “Are you girls done with that?” she asks.

”Definitely,” Rose says, straight-faced. “I’d recommend it. It made us gay.”

Rose did the talking there, and you were too busy laughing to think of how to react. But when you get to the cashier, your tongue twists in your mouth. You stammer through pleasantries until Rose rescues you and completes the transaction. You drift away while she's collecting the bags, pretending to peruse the week's advertisement flier.

“She was pretty,” Rose says when she joins you, groceries in tow. “Is that why you were stuttering?”

You take half the bags from her. It would have been polite to help her carry them from the conveyor belt, but you needed to escape. “Was she? I didn't notice.”

She nudges you with a conspiratorial grin. “You don't have to play coy. I won't get jealous.”

“I'm not playing coy.” You shift one of the bags over your wrist, and something inside crinkles. Hopefully you didn’t break anything. “Her face was a blur. I panicked.”

Rose’s smile fades. “I’d forgotten you could be shy.”

The automatic doors whoosh open as the two of you approach. You sidestep a mother and her offspring going the other direction. “When you grow up on an oasis where your nearest neighbors are the shambling undead, you're a little cautious of strangers.”

“But willing to send them messages on Pesterchum questioning their intelligence and morals.”

She printed your first conversation logs off and stuck them to her wall, which you find equally endearing and annoying. Every time you see them, you itch to pull out a pen and make edits. “That's different. We weren't face to face. And... this is all new, here. I worry they'll be able to tell.”

“That they'll scream “Space invader!” and cart you off to a top secret facility?

”I’m sure it’s funny to you,” you say with a sniff, starting across the parking lot. “They won’t dissect you.”

She smiles again – you meant her to; the dissection at least was a joke. “I get nervous too. Not as much now after everything we’ve been through, but I’ve always been hyperaware of social situations. But I tend to take the ‘don't get scared; get angry’ approach.”

You recall how she marched up to the conveyor belt and slammed down her purchases. “I did wonder if you were going to challenge the salesperson to a strife.”

“Chalk it up to the childhood narcissism. I always felt like everyone was passing judgment.”

You accidentally make eye contact with a man stepping out of his vehicle and redirect your gaze at Rose’s collarbone. “Like everyone's watching.”

She nods. “And that's not true. They have their own problems and couldn't care less what we do. We're not important to them. In this case, that's reassuring.”

You’re surprised she finds it comforting. You’re happy to fade into the background; Rose likes to be noticed. You’d never realized it frightened her too. “What a pair we make,” you say.

“Between us, we add up to one functional person.”

You pull open the car door for her with a flourish. “I'd be generous and say at least 1.5.”

A few of the humans have been working to get their licenses so Jane’s father doesn’t have to drive them everywhere. Rose only has a permit, but that doesn’t stop her from using the car. Seer powers let her know if there’s likely to be trouble, but otherwise she drives like she’s got a grudge against the pavement. She peels out of the parking spot and then slams on the brakes. You hug a carton of eggs to your chest so they don’t splatter against the windshield. “What is it?”

”We have cold bags for everything, right?”

”Yes.” It was overkill for a short trip, but you prefer to be prepared.

She pulls into the store’s partner gas station while you wave apologetically at the elderly woman she just cut off. “This is a date. We’re going to get coffee.”

The coffee machine is broken, so you both get 99 cent slushies and sit on the curb next to the free air pump. The parking spot is empty save for a mulch of cigarette butts and ripped up Lotto tickets. Rose slurps some of her concoction out of a straw. It’s a murky mess, and you spotted her squirting a few shots of energy drink in for good measure. You spent several minutes painstakingly creating a rainbow pattern and are now trying to drink evenly to keep the layers intact. A bag of chips slumps half-empty between you. They’ll complain about that back home, but it’s their fault for not coming along to supervise.

Rose sucks on her straw with a noise like a drain unclogging. “How’s this for romance and adventure?”

“I could do it again,” you say. And you could. The encounter with the cashier still leaves you shaken, but the haze has peeled off the world. It’s funny how after everything you’ve been through, something as simple like this can be energizing. There are groceries in the car that need to get back and a household worth of responsibilities to keep up with, but right now it could just be the two of you setting off on some new adventure. Rose has always made you feel that way. Light players make the world narrow around them, drawing in attention, compressing possibility. They’re a lantern you bump against, entranced. With Rose, you’ve found one that doesn’t burn.

”Well shit, these were ninety-nine cents.” She smirks in the way that means you’ve missed a joke. “I think our budget can afford it.”

”Thank you for dragging me out here.” Lurking in your room seems silly now. “It helps, borrowing your confidence.”

”It’s a show,” she says. “I don’t know how you manage to seem so centered all the time.”

”Amateur theatrics,” you say. “One functional person, here we are.” She raises her drink in a toast, and you knock them together. ”I mean it, though,” you continue. “It’s nice, the way you turn things into adventures. Even if it’s a shopping trip, I don’t know where we’re going to end up. It’s unpredictable, but I like it. I like spending time with you.”

She smiles and looks away. Whenever you’ve successfully induced emotions, she never wants to look you in the eye. “That slushy must have made an impression.”

”It was good.” You flick the straw, sending drops of condensation scattering across the asphalt. “We didn’t have anything like this at home, at least not where I grew up. That might explain part of the rapturous response. But mostly I think it’s because I love you.”

Rose stills. That might be a bad sign, but you’ve gotten yourself into this situation, so you might as well keep going. “I’m not trying to corner you,” you say, looking down at your knees. “I know you have difficulty expressing some things. But I wanted to express that. Right now.”

When you sneak a look over, her shoulders are shaking. The ice from your drink solidifies in your stomach until you realize she’s laughing.

”Do you know how long I’ve been agonizing over this?” she asks.

”I knew why,” you begin. “Your mother…” That’s not a complete sentence, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes you want to ask John to transport you into Rose’s past so you can grab the woman by her shoulders and shake her. “How could you be so careless?” you want to demand. “Didn’t you realize what you were doing?” You are all the results of what has been done to you, combined with your attempts to overcome it. Even with your universes gone, their impressions remain as indelible parts of you. You wouldn’t want Rose to be anything other than who she is, but that doesn’t stop you from wishing she could have gotten something better growing up.

“That was what started it.” Rose takes a gulp of her drink. The humor drains from her voice. Now she’ll look you in the eye. “She’d vanish into her laboratory or a drunken stupor and leave me to fend for myself. The first time I tried cooking spaghetti I set off the fire alarm. I couldn’t get it to stop until I climbed up on a chair and took the batteries out. She slept through the whole thing. So when she turned up with a new present, how could I believe it was sincere? And even if it was, it didn’t make up for anything. If all you can give is the trappings of love, like you’ve bought out a Valentines’ clearance sale but can’t be damned to raise your own child, it doesn’t count.” She sloshes the remains of her drink around with one hand and watches it like she’s reading tea leaves. “So I guess I distrusted all of it. The glitz, the performance, anything. Even the words. Because if you do it right, they should know. But… in the past I’ve been guilty of overcorrecting.”

“Really?” You try to keep your tone teasing. Anything else might alarm her.

She elbows you in the ribs, but not hard. “Sometimes I’ve turned the wheel a bit and drifted over the dividing line between reasonable responses and terrible decisions by a few millimeters.”

“I think a driving instructor might say you sailed over the median, engaged with oncoming traffic, and left the highway entirely for parts unknown. What?” you add. “I’ve read the manual you’re all practicing from.”

“Five dollars says you pass the test before I do. After the timeline John made unhappen, I realized I’d never told you. For all the wrong, stupid reasons. I shouldn’t have let any of that stop me. I would’ve died with that as one of my greatest regrets. So I wanted it to be perfect, since I made you wait so long.” She covers her mouth with one hand and smiles through her fingers. “God, you should see my search history. I watched promposal videos, although I wiped all that data and I’ll deny it if you tell anyone. And here we are –” she pauses and shakes her head - “in a gas station parking lot. But you know what? I think it fits.” She slings an arm around your shoulders and plants a sticky kiss on your cheek. “I love you. Let’s make it count.”

This is what you have learned from dating Rose Lalonde. Expect your lives to accumulate the clutter of experiences together – receipts and stolen shirts and empty packages still streaked with frosting. Expect to make missteps, because the two of you are walking an uncharted path one step after another. Sometimes you fall, fight your demons, and climb back up again. You are all doing this for the first time.

Expect her to say she loves you in unexpected ways. A new package of lip gloss left on your pillow. A flower pressed between the pages of a heavy book to make it delicate and perfect. Occasionally, the words.

Make it count.

[travellers-survivor-old-west]

Episode 1 - “It's not my fault our team chose the same song as the other team” - Cas

Let the games begin..............................

we out here. i'm on the cute yellow tribe. the only person on my tribe rn is Nicole and I already like her. i hope there's an idol hidden under joe del campo's cowboy hat

* A couple seconds later*

FKDSAHKDJFS LMAOOOO MY GIRLFRIEND ASHLEY ON THE OTHER TRIBE AND SHE LOOKIN LIKE A KARDASHIAN IN HER VID

Very excited for this to start! Tribe seems nice so far get a good vibe from eve and Ashley for sure. Just gotta feel everyone out a lil more and see how this first challenge goes

OKAY sooo I'll keep this first one brief. My tribe is pretty cool. I love Jared, I'm a little bit worried though because 1) he knows I'm a snake and will be scared of me and 2) he'll prob be able to know I'm friends with Ashley, but otherwise, he's my number 1 on this tribe and my favorite person in the cast other than ash. Like I'm so blessed to be with him and I don't think he'd turn on me yet since we'll be loyal. This Nicole girl seeemd cool in her vid then never messaged me back. Dylan seems nice but I think he might have been in bermuda or somethin LOL i've def played with him before and have no clue from what.... Sammy is cool, know him from before. And then uhhh that weird kid who had a three second vid, I hope he's out first. Ashley is on the red tribe I think? I LOVE HER she's literally my best ORG friend and she hasn't played in forever. Hope we get to a swap or merge without her doing something dumb first akhfdj. Patrick seems familiar I know he's old school and won HOS so that's cool. Eve seems cool never played with her but is that the same eve that does the challenge minis bc if so she knows im gonna pop off. Keaton good. Isaac good lol although I'm scared he'll come after me bc one time in his confessionals for a game we were in (i think indonesia?) eh talked about how big of a threat I was oops. maybe ashley will get him out for me LOL. and that austin guy seems cute, second game only awww. Black tribe has chloe YAYAYAY love her and excited to play with her. I think I'm on okay terms with Nick again, at least I really hope so lol bc bbclue was a mess but we kind of made up in ihos.... Vi/Cas I don't rlly know. payton seems like rhone but with a little more hair and less elderly wisdom. aidan's vid was weird but glad he got to the point I'm looking forward to this :) but I hope my tribe gets more active soon.

Okay so- Howdy! This is your cowboy speaking. I am going to go over my general strategy for the game and what I have done so far. I want to play a very physically/socially-centered meathead kind of game- a James Clement if you will. I want to try and win every challenge that I participate in and if we lose, I want to have 1 alliance with the strongest players that I will be 100% unwaveringly loyal to. Pretty basic stuff. So my alliance is with Owen and Sammy, which oddly enough- the last 2 Big Brother games I played, they were the people who got me out, respectively. Owen/Dana/Quill in BOTS and Sammy in Legacy3. So it's a risky group but this is the strategy that I outlined for myself so I'm gonna stick to it. They will be my F3 and I will literally ride with them until the wheels fall off. Until the hooves fall off, in western speak. I have no clue if they will be loyal to the end or try to target me on some point, but I have to try to keep them from eating the apple, because I'm not going to flip as my one-dimensional gameplan will not allow that! I confirmed with both of them that this is a trio they are good with, and the Pika-Dudes were born. I think it would be pretty rewarding for me if I could actually get them to stick together and make it to the end. But they could have other alliances on this tribe and vote me out this round for all I know, but so far my perspective is that they seem loyal Lastly, I suggested that we do the song "Before He Cheats" for the challenge, and that's the first time a tribe has ever taken my suggestion for the song, so I'm happy with that. I'll check back in if we lose the comp :)

okay so first confessional...honestly I am super excited to play with some of the people in this game. But I am just gonna talk about the challenge right now, umm so it's a music video which means.....hosts hate me...because I am always the one having to edit:,( okay so everyone got their videos to me finally except Nicole sent one vertically after I clearly said "@all plz film horizontally" so I just said bippity boppity bye. She seems sweet though and I don't want her to go anywhere soon. Anyways, Jared approached me with the idea of an alliance with me, him, and Owen which I'm totally fine with but I don't think I want to work with Jared like long game because idk if I can trust him to be like loyal to me. He is one of my fav people I just know it's a game. However I think if we go to tribal I probably would vote either Nicole or Xander. Not much confess right now except I am on a tribe with casper and his friends bc everyone forgot how to talk. alright that's it for nowwww.

#FuckMichael

What the fuck is Terlingua on someone better pray for my dude Aidan

VL: Oops

Omg yay!!!! We are safe for first tribal which I love. I'm starting to form pretty good bonds with issac,eve,and ashley so hopefully I can get it to where we all link up together for some kind of alliance.

Well so far it seems that Aidan, Chloe, Nick and I are in same mind set of voting off Payton. We shall see if it actually goes through. It’s really sad Bc the judges are all biased so now we have to vote someone out. Editing isn’t easy at all DX. I’m so sorry Payton if you’re do get voted out. You should move to the us to survive a bit longer ;-;

So my back’s been killing me all day. I thought it was from sleeping funny but clearly its from carrying this damn tribe.

This weekend was so flipping busy. I'm trying to get caught up at work before vacation and Matthew is here. I don't feel like I've gotten to bond with my tribe much. I'm glad to see Dylan A. We've not really gotten to play together much because he always gets voted out early in games we play but I don't think he will come for me and he's a bigger target than I. I like my tribe a lot. Jared is really funny and Sammy kicked butt in the challenge. I've talked to Owen a tad. I'm glad we didn't lose because I deserved to go home. I didn't get back from Erica's bday thing until 4 and then it wouldn't let me use the song I bought some it is copyrighted so I only had 30 sec then I couldn't get it to film horizontal. I'm a big ol mess. Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaw! 😂

Whew okay so I don't know anyone on my tribe (kinda) which is good but also a bit scary since its just 6 of us. Overall, I feel like everyone's a bit quiet and not too talkative. That being said, they might be talking a bunch in PMs. Right now, I am trying to stay under the radar and just be friendly with everyone. I really like Austin, Eve and Patrick right now. Keaton and Isaac are nice too but I dont really talk to them as much. If we would have lost this first immunity challenge I would have definitely wanted to vote for one of them. No official alliances yet but its still early so I think its okay. THANK FUCKING GOD WE WON. Okay well, we got 2nd but thats a win in my eyes. I just really hope I make it to jury and I will be happy so not being first boot is GREAT. Im trying to get this damn idol but I cant catch a fucking break and my ass keeps getting zapped... I dont think anyone has gotten the idol yet so I hope i get lucky and somehow get to it first. Here is how I see everyone as of right now: Austin: Probably my fave right now and hoping I can get into a f2 with him. He's funny and sweet and I feel like we get along and its pretty easy to talk to him. Eve: Eve is iconic! Want to work with her but I feel like she is really social so she might be a threat later on. Pat: Same as Eve, even though I just met him, I actually have known about him before since he is friends with some of my friends. I know he does good in games so he is someone I would like to see leave a bit sooner since I think he will be hard to get rid of later. But hes amazing and his video for the music video was ICONIC. I can see him and I becoming friends for sure. Keaton: Not much to say, I do know keaton from playing a game with him in the past but he was voted out first I think and then I hosted him in HOS but i wasnt super active in that one :) Anyway, I feel like we dont have much to talk about so I need to make more of an effort with him. I really wouldnt care to see him go tbh but who knows, this can definitely change if we start talking more. Isaac: omg okay so night one I go into everyones PMs to say hi and i notice that I already had messages with him which I found super weird because I didnt know who he was but I guess we kind of got into it like 3 years ago??? I told him I didnt remember this but i do. He was basically an asshole to me for no fucking reason. But this was 3 years ago so i really dont care so I hope he doesnt try to target me over it. He seems nice I guess but I havnt really talked to him much. In his defense he has been sick apparently but if we would have gone into this first TC I would have wanted to see him voted out first for sure.

Confessional 1: So right off the bat I talk a lot to everyone but Payton but my main issue is he’s probably not going so I’m gonna need to vote out someone I genuinely like right away. I think I’m decently connected and unless these guys are pulling off the best blindside ever I think I might possibly be semi safe??? Who knows though there’s a lot left of game to play this round so let’s let’s see who the votes will land on. I’m kinda trying to indirectly get my way but it’s like just not working out lol.

Its been a fun couple of days, im talking to my tribe and just feeling them out. Im very happy I don't have a history with any of them so I can just relax and start a clean state. Im a big fan of Jared and Sammy, but honestly nicole can go. She annoys me more than Jess's love of alcohol. I'm hoping to just chill and slide my way to merge where from there actually make moves and make my way to final 5 where we all know im gonna be voted out.

Idk what the fuck is going on lmao. I think I’m getting voted out because I haven’t talked to anyone but I’m trying to push the vote in cas instead but it might be too late because I just started talking to everyone cause I’ve been working too much.

https://youtu.be/bMY6mumIAQ0

Am I disappointed with my tribe? No. Am I disappointed with the outcome? Yes. I'm not a fan of these subjective challenges because the criteria literally changes everytime and all the judges (who are usually unqualified, uneducated and underemployed) seem to like to harp in on the most random shit like- I can't. And the fact that I, someone who never edited a fucking video before, had to do that shit just shows how useless my tribe is overall. Either useless or lazy but either way... I'm predicting a Matsing performance from this tribe. Why the fuck did I get placed here? So far people are fine but I don't /love/ anyone. Maybe I could put in more effort but like Chloe/Nick/Vi all seem fine and fun but like nobody I'm too connected with yet. I'm sure it'll come. Chloe and I seem to have the most similar personality but something tells me she's like connected idk. I don't see her going far with me. I see Nick/Vi being loyal though. Payton and Cas are like fine I guess but afaik they're the ones on the chopping block because of minimal socialization. I will be voting for Cas but honestly I don't care who goes home as long as it isn't me. I just want a tribe that isn't awful.

I like my tribe ok I guess. They’re all a girl or a gay except Keaton so that’s a plus. Despite my lack of participation in the first challenge due to my meningitis I’ve been assured that I should be safe on this tribe and I’ve been offered an alliance so we’ll see where that goes. I’m looking forward to beat sent home by Jared’s homophobic ass though. It’ll be fun

Dont sue me I'm dumb Okay this tribe is an interesting bunch, Ashley is great but scary, eve knows wtf is up, Pat and I are playing a game together rn, Issac... And Austin knows about me! Luckily we are safe but I think I can traverse this group without TOO much issue.

https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-confess-1/s-HFs1s https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-2/s-nVSd2 https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-3/s-65KCP https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-4/s-kLYio https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-6/s-r6uNi

So like, love my tribe so far, I think Issac, myself Ashley and Austin are going to become a possible / close alliance, I also LOVE LOVE LOVE pat! What a fucking legend. Rly wanna try to work w him!! Idk dont wanna lose bc that means someone has to go :(

Dont sue me I'm dumb Okay this tribe is an interesting bunch, Ashley is great but scary, eve knows wtf is up, Pat and I are playing a game together rn, Issac... And Austin knows about me! Luckily we are safe but I think I can traverse this group without TOO much issue.

[gryffvndors]

oh, baby [draco malfoy]

request: “Could u do Draco x reader with prompts 97 and 103 please? It would be so interesting plus I love your writing. You're so cool xoxo” -anon

word count: ~3000

a/n: why thank u anon, i AM pretty cool! (kidding im actually SO lame like u dont even know omG) anyway i wrote this at like 3 am and im posting it at 5 am so. i’m a few hours late (like a day actually but who’s counting, NOT ME) but happy bday to the real OG man draco malfoy! now enjoy this hot mess of sleep deprivation, angst, snark, and marina and the diamonds inspiration

97: “i don’t want to have a baby.”

103: “i had to see you again.”

When you were twelve, your grandfather died.

(Sometimes you still hear his voice, late at night, when your window is open a crack and the wind is whistling against the glass, making the tree branches outside of your room shake. You sit up straight, eyes wide, clutching your duvet in your fists. You usually come to the conclusion you were dreaming in your half-asleep state of mind and drift back off, only to recall nothing the following morning.)

You don’t remember much; while you weren’t exactly too young, you moreso blocked the memories from your mind. You do remember holding your mother as she wept into your shirt, face blank, eyes cast to the ground. You remember sneaking around your house in the middle of the night, creeping upon the pinprick of light that casted out from behind the door of your father’s study. Putting your eye against the crack between the floor and the wood, you only saw pacing feet. You remember your grandmother frequenting your house many times, usually around dinner, when she would join you. Just you - your mother would not leave her bed, your father would not leave his office. She smiled at you with glassy eyes and tearstained cheeks, slipping you a piece of candy after you were refused a bowl of ice cream. Not so much refused, actually - just ignored, for your mother would not leave the pile of blankets she called home and your father would not answer the door.

It was a rough time. The rough period lasted for a good few months, until your father threw a few cardboard boxes in your room and grunted, “Pack up your things. We’re leaving.”

Days later, you stood in front of one of the largest houses you’d ever seen. Your father, holding hands with your mother for the first time in years, smiled and laid a hand on your shoulder.

“This is our new home,” he’d announced. “When your grandfather died-”

You coughed, scowling at the brick driveway.

“-your mother inherited the house from him. He handed me the business. We’re rich now. Go, choose your bedroom.”

You chose the bedroom with the most windows. The house was dark inside, curtains drawn and candles lit. You traveled down the many hallways and didn’t stop until you found at least two windows.

That summer, as you explored the neighborhood (mostly just trees and a long, winding paved road that no cars ever drove down), lonely, you finally came upon another mansion, this one even bigger than your own. There was a boy outside, staring at the ground with a frown. You approached him tentatively. At the sound of your footsteps, he turned, frown twisting into an even deeper scowl.

“Who are you?” He called, voice laced with authority and scorn. When you said your name, he scoffed. “You aren’t one of us. Go away. We don’t want your kind here.”

You planted your hands on your hips, brows raises. “My… kind?”

“Yes. Go away.”

“What if I don’t want to? I’m not on your property. Therefore, I have a right to be here,” you smirked triumphantly, chin raised. The boy muttered something under his breath.

“Your kind is so annoying. Just get out of here.” He looked behind him, towards the door. When he looked back, his expression was one of concern. “My parents don’t like me talking to you people. If they catch me, we’ll both be in trouble. Save both of our arses and go back home. Where do you live, anyway?”

You pointed behind you. “Some mansion back there.”

He smiled then. Well, more of a smirk than a smile, but you were just glad he wasn’t upset anymore. It had been weeks since you talked to people your own age. Even if he was rude, he was still your age.

“So you’re rich, then?”

You shrugged. “I guess so. I don’t really care about money.”

“Don’t care about money? How could you not care about money?”

“I just don’t. There are more important things in the world. Like… chocolate,” you grinned, leaning against the nearest tree. You stuffed your hands into the pockets of your shorts. “I have loads at my house. Would you like some?” He seemed vaguely intrigued, but unsure. You added, “I know you’re not supposed to talk with… my ‘kind’,” you made air quotes, “but I will keep my lips sealed if you keep yours sealed.”

The boy finally muttered, “Fine. But I am only coming because I want chocolate.” He climbed over the fence and followed you back to your mansion. Halfway there, you asked him his name. Grumbling, he said, “I’m Draco Malfoy.”

He disappeared during the school year but, without fail, he always showed up over the summer. When you asked him about his school, all he said was that he went to some boarding school in Scotland. You didn’t “bond” over summers, really, but before you knew it, you found yourself looking forward to seeing him. You didn’t kiss him until you were fifteen, cheeks rosy from running around in the woods. It was a spur of the moment thing - you weren’t surprised when he left immediately, not showing up for a week. When he saw you, though, he pushed you up against a tree and pressed his lips against your neck, muttering something about how disappointed his parents would be. You only grinned and said, “Well, I find it very entertaining to disappoint my parents, don’t you?” He pulled away and rolled his eyes, but kissed you again anyway.

The summer of the year you were sixteen, you snuck him inside your bedroom for the night. He snuck back out before dawn, pressing a kiss to your forehead and mumbling a goodbye. You faked being asleep.

When he was seventeen, he told you he could do magic. He told you about his world, why his parents would be so disappointed, who he was. Instead of yelling at him for being crazy, like he thought you would, you kissed him hard and tangled your hands in his hair, laughing at the word “muggle”. He changed a simple wildflower to a bird with a wave of his wand, then changed the bird to a bouquet of roses. You teased him for being so sappy. When you got home, you stuck the roses in a vase of water and left them on your nightstand.

The thing with falling in love is that it’s like you’re standing at the edge of a cliff, holding onto invisible railings. All of a sudden, the railing is gone, and you’re lurching over the side, falling, falling, twisting in midair - until you finally hit the ground, a broken body in the broken world you live in. It’s opening your mouth to take a breath, but your lungs suddenly fail, the only thing you inhale being smoke and ash and the smog that hangs in the horizon. It’s opening your heart, your most vulnerable place, your secrets, and leaving it out in the open, the only security blanket your hopes and words asking for nobody to harm it. It’s crazy. It’s wild. It’s when you can’t sleep at night, can’t eat in the morning, can’t think ever.

The night Draco tells you about his magic, you sneak him into your room again. This isn’t the second time, this isn’t the last time - but something is different. Something is… more intimate, really. It’s like you’ve opened the floodgates and a whole wave of emotions come, not caring about the destruction it leaves in its wake.

Falling in love is being completely and utterly at the disposal of the soul before you.

And you can’t do anything about it.

“So you’re leaving in a week?” You ask, mouth dry. Draco nods, his fingers laced in his lap. His hair is messy, shirt untucked, which is rare for him, the proper git he is. Your hand itches at your side to smooth out the blond. “Oh. Well, you’ll be back soon.”

“A year,” he laughs humorlessly, looking anywhere but your face. You sigh, dropping onto the ground. The dry leaves crack and snap under the weight of your body. You rest a hand on his shoulder. He still refuses to look at you.

You wish this is easier. This… isn’t easy. This is harder than anything you’ve done before. Deep in your mind, deep, deep down, you know this is the right thing to do. He has a right to know. He… has a say in this. But that doesn’t tell the nerves eating at your stomach to stop chewing, or your frantically beating heart to slow down a bit, it’s okay. It will be okay. It has to be okay. He… is nice.

He’s actually kind of a prick, but he means well.

You clear your throat. A second later, you hear yourself saying, “I have to talk to you about something.”

“We’re talking right now, aren’t we?”

“This is… important,” you take a deep breath. “Very, very important. This is the most important thing we have ever talked about.”

Draco looks at you then, an amused expression on his face. “Most important? What, do I not exist? What about the fact that I’m a bloody wizard?”

You swallow. It feels like there’s something in your throat. You realize it’s the words you’re about to say - you have to force them down, keep calm, keep the situation under control. This is not the time for word vomit. This is the time for collected speaking. This is the time for-

“I’m pregnant,” you blurt.

Fuck.

Draco whips around. His slate eyes are wide, lips parted. You hear him say, “You’re what?!”

“You’re the only person I shag. So.” Out of the corner of your eye (you’re staring at the ground so hard, your vision is blurring), Draco is tugging at his blond hair. You think you might want to do that, too. Instead, you keep your hands balled at your side. “So,” you repeat. “So. It’s. It’s yours.”

“Oh my - fuck, Merlin, fuck,” he drops off the log he was previously sitting on to your side. His hands find yours, fingers fitting into the crevices you feel that, well, they were meant to. It’s like a puzzle, really, and in your mind, it works. This jigsaw the two of you make, anyway. Like, you’re kind of a bitch and he’s kind of a dick, so it works. And you’re pretty emotionally numb and. Well. His family situation is so bad he might as well be.

“Yeah,” you laugh shakily. This isn’t funny. You don’t know why you’re laughing, so you do it again. “Yeah. I. Um. I am. For, like, two months. I thought I was just gaining weight. And my. Uh. Period has always been kinda irregular, so. I took a test.”

“And you’re…”

“Yeah,” you nod. You can’t look into his eyes. You can’t look at his face, or you might burst into tears. “Yeah, yeah. There’s a fucking baby is my stomach. Well. Uterus, really, but, uh. Somewhere down there.”

Draco is deadly silent for a good few minutes. You are, too. You don’t speak. You wait for him to say something, anything. Finally, he wraps an arm around your shoulders, pulls you into his side.

“Fuck.”

That’s all he says. You think you agree.

You nod, “Yeah. Um, I,” you wipe at your eyes, sniffing. “I don’t want to have a baby. I’m only seventeen.”

“Then don’t. Isn’t there a… procedure? A muggle procedure?”

“I don’t wanna do that either. I’m gonna have the baby, but. I’m scared,” you’re whispering now, and despite your wishes, tears are falling down your cheeks, landing on your lap. “And you can’t even be with me, so.” Draco ducks his head. The ends of his hair tickles your cheek. You lean your head against his. “Please say something.”

“Did you tell your parents?”

You shake your head. “No. I’m more worried about yours.”

“I’ll handle it. I’ll try.”

The next day, you meet outside. His face is expressionless. You know him too well - his eyes speak wonders. They’re broken, like shattered glass, a longing deep inside of them. It’s like looking into a well and seeing something shiny at the bottom, something you want, but can never get without falling in and never being able to get out.

“I can’t speak to you anymore.”

You freeze. In your mind, gears whirl, ice freezes over, your stomach drops. You choke out a, “Wh-what?”

Draco swallows, “I told my parents. If you cannot get rid of… it,” he snaps, “then fine. But you cannot talk to me. Ever again. I am going to my last year of school, then I am becoming an Auror.”

“Draco-”

“I must leave now. Goodbye.”

Your knees shake as you force yourself to stand, to watch him walk away. You wait until he’s gone to cry, so you don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you in pain. When you get back to your house, eyes bloodshot, lips red, you tell your parents. It takes you an hour to convince your dad not to go to his house and tell off his father.

“It won’t work,” you cry, holding onto his shirt. “They’re… different. I made a mistake, talking to him. Now I’m paying for it.”

Your mother whispers, “Do you love him? Did you love him?”

When you nod, she wraps you in her arms and lets you weep into her shirt. You get a mysterious sense of deja vu. Your father locks himself in his office for only a day. When he comes out, he hugs you, whispering how everything will be okay.

For your last year of school, you go to a special school with pregnant teens. Your grandmother moves into a spare room once she learns of the news, unjudging and supportive. You grow bigger and bigger, stomach inflating, until you have to get new clothes. As soon as you can, you find out that the child inside of you is a girl.

(You were hoping for a girl. You love girls.)

You’re due in late February. When December rolls around, you’re already sick of everything. It’s hard to sleep on your stomach and you can’t wear your favorite sweater and you’re so irritable, it makes your grandmother laugh.

“When I was pregnant with your mother, I craved salty pretzels and I dipped them in Earl Grey,” she says, handing you a mug and a bag of crisps. “When your mother was pregnant with you, she craved salty chips and ate them with green tea.”

“I want chocolate.”

She produces a bag of chocolate, as well. “Anything for my beautiful granddaughter.”

A week to Christmas, you’re sitting on the sofa in the den, remote in one hand, chocolate in the other. Somebody knocks on the door. Your grandmother is in the kitchen with your father, mother out in the garden; you roll yourself to your feet (it’s the only way you can get up now) and lug your body to the front door.

When you open it, you hate yourself for feeling excited at the image of Draco Malfoy.

You open and close your mouth a few times, much like a fish. When you finally get your bearings, you try to say, “What are you doing here?!” It comes out a whisper.

Draco frowns, looking at your stomach. His gaze is hopeful, awestruck, amazed. “I…” he takes a deep breath and meets your gaze. “I had to see you again.”

You scowl, clutching the chocolate and doorknob tightly. “I thought you couldn’t talk to me for the rest of your life,” you pause. “Wait, why aren’t you in school?”

“I came home for the holidays. So I could see you,” he sighs, casting his eyes to the ground. “And that’s what they told me to say. They… made me tell you that.”

You cross your arms. “I thought as much.”

“I really care about you,” says Draco. “And… the baby. It’s-”

“She,” you interject.

“Sh-she?” He murmurs. “I’m going to have a daughter?”

You nod. When you find your voice, you whisper, “If you’ll take her.”

“Of - of course,” he bites his lip. “And… you. I will take you. Please. I… frankly, I don’t give a damn about what my parents say. They’ve always looked down on muggles, and that’s the way I was taught to be, but… obviously, that didn’t go down well.”

“Obviously.”

“And… I am about to finish school. I am taking my N.E.W.T.s and then becoming a potion’s master, or an Auror, or something. I’ll decide that… later. You already know about magic. We could… move in together. If you’d like,” he says hurriedly. “Look, I know I said terrible things. I am kind of a prat. I-”

“I love you,” you dig your nails into your palms. “And I have for a. A while. So. I do want to be with you. Because I love you.”

“Fuck,” he breathes. “I love you, too. So much.” Leaning down, he presses a kiss to your forehead. “Please. Take me back.”

You shrug. “Okay. Sure. But I’m naming her, because you ditched me for, like, five months.”

Draco snorts. “Deal.”

“Okay. Cool. I love you, I guess. My show is on, are you coming inside and meeting my family and watching it with me, or are you going back home?”

He turns to look behind him. When he faces you again, he’s smiling. “I’ll come inside.”

“Good answer. It’s a bloody amazing show.”

You lace your fingers together and lead Draco through the house. “Just a warning,” you add, “my parents will probably dislike you at first. You kinda left me, your baby mum, in the dust. But my grandmum will love you to death. You’re hot.”

“She’ll love me… because I’m hot?”

“Also you’re a dick. For some reason, she loves mean, attractive people,” you turn to beam at him. “I mean, she loves me the most, after all.”

[hella-free-space]

Anything under 5 gallons is too small for a betta, i know 2.5 is the *minimum minimum* but it is the same as putting your betta to a bucket and calling it a day. They need space. Plus a "tank" that small can't hold a stable cycle and is more difficult to keep as, Let's say a proper 10 g tank

aight so...i wrote this big long thing (i’m a really wordy person, and i ramble, so bare with me) when this ask got sent like a month and a half ago. i typed it up on my phone, but mobile tumblr does this thing where if you take more than x minutes to write a reply, it doesnt let you save what you’ve written as a draft and it default posts to your main. and then it just doesnt post ever...so now i’m here, on desktop, to write you this long-overdue reply, Anon.this ask came shortly after a post/comment/reblog on tank size recommendation, so i kind of want assume that this same person who was discussing with me sent this ask, but i’m not going to assume but this person asked on anon... I’m currently writing a long-winded caresheet about bettas (which i plan to post for peer-review tomorrow), and so far i’ve written this about Tank Size:******“2.5gallons:The absolute minimum, I do not recommend keeping a betta in anything less thanthis because even in a cycled 2.5, keeping a *stable* cycle is very difficult,and requires more frequent water changes (1-2x per week at least). In a tank this small, you’ll mostlikely need to buy an adjustable heater as well, since the smallest (trustworthy)heaters on the market are 7-7.5 watts, and depending on where you live or howhot/cold you keep your house/room, the heat will fluctuate too often, or be toohot or too cold since the volume of water is quite small. A 2.5 gallon bettatank is doable.5 gallons:A great median for those who want to give their bettas a wonderful environment,but may be cramped on space, move around often, or whose living arrangementshave aquarium-related restrictions. A cycled 5 gallon tank with a bettagenerally requires a water change 1x a week at least. A 5 gallon tank also keeps a more stable cycle than a 2.5 gallon, and over-heating is less of an issue/concern. I still recommend anadjustable heater (I’ll always recommend an adjustable heater), though, as I’vefound that even with an appropriately-sized preset heater/non-adjustableheater, the temperature fluctuates too often and by too much. A 5 gallon is aperfectly good choice!10+ gallons:A palace! Your new betta would love to have a 10+ gallon tank! They’ll swimover every inch of it, I promise its not too big :) A fantastic choice for thosethat have the space and can afford to set up a 10 gallon or larger with all thebells and whistles (more décor, larger filter, stronger heater, etc. than the smaller tanks). Your fish will thank you and brag to all their fish friends that they ended up with some pretty sweet digs.note: If you feel you can’t give your betta a 10+ gallon tank, and you can onlyafford a 2.5 or 5 gallon setup (or something inbetween), that DOES NOT mean I think you’re a bad fish parent ❤ as long as you can provide the basicnecessities your fish requires and keep on top of water quality, and then do *what* youcan, *when* you can, youre doing it right :) (Never stop improving!! never stop learning!!) Maybe it’ll be a few months before you can buy your fish thatnew hide or a few extra plants, or maybe you’ll have to wait til xmas or yourbday to be able to afford a larger tank if that’s what you want, and that’sokay. As long as you do the best within your means (provided your animal’sbasic needs are met), that’s all your fish would ask of you ❤”******note: i address properly decorating/filtering/heating/etc in the rest of the care sheet. this is literally JUST the section on tank size.1. addressing that “2.5 gallons is the *minimum minimum*” statement anon made:its just *the minimum*...when you’re saying how small is too small and how big is too big without any defining *objective* factors, then it becomes subjective and opinionated. I addressed the cycling issue above in what I wrote for the care sheet. imo a 2.5 gallon is doable. is it amazin, perfect, the best you can give your betta? no...but neither is a 5 gallon .-. so, if your standard of minimum is based upon your opinion of what looks too cramped, then thats okay, and good on you for promoting a 5 gallon as a minimum tank. and i’m not saying that sarcastically, either, i really do wish i could promote 5 gallons as the minimum tank size, but when i’m explaining fish care to someone in the middle of the store, i have to give them objective facts (like the ones listed above under the 2.5 gallon section)To someone who thinks that .5 gallon bowl at petsmart is okay, who is standing in the aisle with betta in hand, me going up to them and telling them 5 gallons is the minimum just cuz its bigger isn’t going to change their mind 90% of the time. with a 2.5 its still on the small side, but at least i can give them objective facts. and i DO say “but if you get a 5.5 gallon its 2$ more for 2x the size, and a 10 gallon is 4x the size for that same 2$ more! and it’ll be easier to heat, cycle, and you’ll have to do less wc on it :) plus more room for decor!! decorating a tank is almost as fun as picking out your new fish!! :DD” so dont get me wrong there, please. but so many people equate bigger tank with more work, suggesting a “proper 10 gallon tank” to someone standing in that checkout line with their fish, some cheap food, a bowl, and a plastic plant? if they took my advice i’d buy a friggin lottery ticket. (I actually think this is what the post was about originally, that one i was having the discussion on before this ask arrived...if i find it, i’ll give a link to it)2. addresing the “it is the same as putting your betta to a bucket and calling it a day.” statement:they make 5 gallon buckets so i see no problems there [somewhat sarcastic, somewhat serious tone]. Just because a tank isn’t glass or acrylic doesn’t mean you cant keep a fish in it imo. Plenty of people use tub-tanks so i dont see why a bucket would be so bad so long as it meets those minimum requirements (2.5+, 76-82, filtered, good food, appropriate decor, lighting a must since the bucket probably isnt see-through and fish shouldnt live in complete and total darkness imo) and the material doesnt leach chemicals, I dont really see a problem? i mean, most buckets are taller than they are wide, but so are some glass/acrylic tanks (fluval spec 3)...i get what you’re trying to say here (i think), though: just throwing a fish in some water and calling it good ain’t good, aint gonna cut it. just like you dont want to suggest 2.5 as the “minimum minimum” because you believe it is inadequate for a betta.3. adressing the “They need space. Plus a "tank" that small can't hold a stable cycle and is more difficult to keep as, Let's say a proper 10 g tank” statement:pretty much agree with this part. smaller tanks dont hold cycles as easily as larger tanks, just the way it is (this does NOT tank into account overstocking, uncycled/cycling tanks, or chemical/parameter spikes). I agree completely that a 10 gallon tank will hold a much more stable cycle than a 2.5 or 5 gallon will. especially if the stock is the same (i.e. one betta). I also agree that bettas need space, and would like to add that longer tanks > taller tanks, since bettas (and most other fish) swim side-to-side and not up and down. a larger tank (again, same stock) will also require less wc/maintenance than a smaller tank. but, imma reiterate, thats hard to explain to the betta+bowl person you see walkin around at your local lfs/lps/chain store...in most people’s mind larger = more work, even tho WE (and hopefully all of fishblr/bettablr) know that that’s not true, even if we do our best to explain that to the general/uneducated/betta-ignorant populace.In the end, i think maybe you (anon) and me have different approaches to the same goal. we both want to improve quality of life for bettas, debunk myths about them, educate people about them, make sure people do right by their pets.i just want to change everyone’s mind first, get more people up to speed and get them out of Bowls-Are-Okay-For-Fish-Land, steer them away from those awful glass prisons and gimmicky tanks and THEN talk about how they can really spoil their pet, how to improve as a Pet ParentTM and give their pet The BestTM. let the water heat up really slowly so to speak (like hot tub, or a lobster pot), since i think I’ll be able to change more minds that way: slowly, steadily...thats what changed my mind, and from personal experience this is what changes the minds of others more easily.If anyone has anything to add, rebutt, comment, reply, etc. please feel free to #told yall i was long-winded and rambly #still dont know how to add hashtags to these dang replies ;-; #fishblr #bettablr #Ronireplies

[nastyy3xclusivesclt-blog]

“Gallery walk” the @whateverJewel interview

Man, what can I say about Jewel? @whateverjewel is an independent artist that currently resides in the Washington, DC and attends Howard University. From the time I laid eyes on Jewel in 2015 in the pre-calculus class we shared, (if you are reading this FUCK YOU MS. VALENT) I knew she was someone special. Something about her draws people to her. With a smile that will brighten a room Jewel is nothing short of a superstar, and I have felt this way since before I even knew she was an artist. Her approach to art is simply amazing. She has built a grassroots following of people who genuinely enjoy seeing how her work progresses and what the final product will look like. The work she does isn't just dope as fuck, many of her pieces have some type of meaning or inspiration behind them. Not only does she draw and paint she also makes clothes. I'm currently in the process of grabbing me an exclusive one of a kind shirt from her myself. Jewel is definitely someone you should take an interest in, even if you aren't the artsy type, I'm sure you will find something you can connect with even in the slightest. Just get on twitter or Instagram and search #jewelsart. Here are a few of my personal favorite pieces by jewel…

Now lets get to the interview! 

First things first, Who are you?

“so! I'm me because well...i am. lmao my names jewel so what more can i really say???? honestly im really just a regular schmegular bitch who likes Netflix and eating and napping and drawing.

When and How did you get your start in making art?

i was always making art lol, my preschool and my first grade teachers told my mom i was going to be an artist so i really can't pinpoint how it started. it just did and it just is”

Who are some people who influenced your early work?

“my early work is, like i said, as early as preschool lol. so like my laterish work, more towards highschool, because i taught myself to really paint, like more seriously around that time...and my life honestly just sucked lol. so i pulled alottttt from that; id rather have my pain inspire me than hinder me”

Who are some mentors of yours?

“i had no real mentors (because honestly my life and my interactions with others inspire me most) until my senior year when i won a scholarship to have a personal visual arts mentor...and he was so great! he was all about showing me how to be myself and still grow as an artist and i loved that. now i have all these bomb ass professors for mentors and they teach inside and out of the studio and i love love love how much they let you build a personal relationship with them, especially bc all of my mark ass racist ass high school art teachers were awwwwwful. they didn't care about me or my visions and intentions. so fuck em ;)”

If you had to describe your art in 5 words or less how would you describe it?

“ok 5 words to describe my artttt: crazy, sexy, kewl, chillin, etc? naaaah deadass um, personal, expressive, colorful.....imma stick with sexy and kewl lmaooo’

What words of encouragement do you have for aspiring artists?

“for inspiring artists? literally nike shirt that hoe and just do it!!! dont fear anything, just dive in head first. the key to that is to delete any expectations you have for how your work should/shouldnt look because honestly that fucks you up. never compare your work to others, you are your only competition. be better than YOU!!!! and when its time to "decide what you want to do with your life" after graduation or whatever, art IS a legit thing to do with your life!!!! dont ever let a single person make you deny that“

What are you currently studying in school?

“im currently a painting major at Howard university and its funny because, like, when people found out i was going to Howard and moving to dc they were super lit for me...but when they would ask my major and i would tell them painting, its like they weren't as excited for me anymore. like my major wasn't good enough. but I'm the type of artist who knows what the painting will look like before ts done, and in that same right, i know ill be successful regardless of the process.”

How supportive was your family in your decision to pursue art?

“my fam is SUPER SUPPORTIVE!!! even though neither of my parents are artistic, they never ever ever made me feel like my art wasn't important or realistic. i have so much supplies from years of asking for bday and Christmas gifts and them understanding that art was just simply my thing. my parents both pushed me super hard in school and that gave me drive in an artistic sense as well....like I'm motivated so much because they're so poppin. i couldn't do it without them, and I'm the only child, so id like to think they couldn't do it without me either lmao“

I see you make clothing as well, tell me about The Naughty list. How did it start and who were some people that influenced you to make clothes?

“YO THE NAUGHTY LISSSST. funny you should ask. so i went to this panel on design at school, and the presenter basically was suggesting how doing "bad" things makes for a much more creative mind. its like theres more thinking and planning and plotting and scheming...and when those that exercise that same enegy channel it into creative activity, its soooooo much more powerful. and that intruigued me like crazy bc, trust me, im living proof. so i openned up this suggestion box and told people to confess their absolute WORST BEHAVIOR. and so i had it going for about two weeks, then i compiled the list and divided them all into two main categories of sin: lust and indulgence. the stories/confessions for each category that reeealllly stood out, i turned those into specific images. the ones that were left, i hand wrote them, and used them as the texture for the background”

When you sit down to a blank canvas where do you pull your inspiration from?

“when i sit down to a blank canvas, i dont pull inspiration from anywhere in that moment. im allllways getting inspired, literally once i draw the canvas sketch, im already inspired and ready as hell to go!!! i have this desktop folder and google drive folder and album on my phone titled "inspo" so whenever i see anything remotely interesting, i save it so im sure not to forget....bc im usually pretty in my own world and get kinda forgetful lmao”

What can people expect from you this year?

“this year? who knows lmao. expect new clothes and art for purchase...but thats all i got for ya for now ;)”

Quotes you live by…

“quote to live by???? shit my senior quote is always my mood: "i take a whackin and keep on smackin" -cheetah girls, 2003

Any shoutouts...

“shoutout to every person i ever met, yall all made me. i made yall too. thats the crazy thing about life, ya know? shoutout to every single person who ever commented something positive on insta, retweeted me, or hmu with something supportive...i hear it all, i feel it all, and i appreciate it all!! i dont really wanna shoutout anyone individually bc id prob leave so many great (and not so great) people out, but i have to give an ultimate shoutout to asante parkins...i would not be who i am without his presence, and im forever different since hes gone away. love him (but love yall too ya feel me)”

[itsdumbgirlthings]

Day 4-7

Tuesday, January 7, 2020 22:32

look at that. I missed more days. This is going swimmingly

Today was memen’s bday and overall it was lovely.

It was a pretty frustrating day otherwise though. I was frustrated with both my father and my older sisters.

But memen herself and her birthday was the highlight and made the day much more manageable despite everything else.

I just really hate how Donna needs to be in control of everyone’s bday. I know she means well, but sometimes she just needs to relax and let everyone else celebrate how they want to celebrate their own birthday. Also what is her problem with driving and money? She’s so stubborn it hurts. Like she is not willing to compromise even if it benefits the whole group. She will be stubborn unless it benefits her. Dividing up the check was like pulling teeth. It came down to 6 cents and she was asking how we were going to divided that. We’re already agreed that everyone is paying for what they got, splitting taxes and such, and there were still cents unaccounted for, so now she had to recalculate everything.  

Daisy needs to come to terms that she lives a whole state away. She’s married and even has her own house. Why is it suddenly my fault that I forget to include her in plans when she has a whole life of her own now? Its no one’s fault. Its life. People move on. We can’t stay a pack forever. If she really wanted to be there for memen’s bday then she would come here herself. I shouldnt have to tell her anything, thats not my responsibility. She lives 4 hours away. I asked her this past weekend when she was going to be back and she said not until this coming weekend. Did she forget it was her sister’s bday in between those days. I assumed nothing. I asked when she will be back. I wasnt going to tell her to leave her home and come here when she was planning on being back this weekend. I understand that she’s not the happiest down there, so why did she get married and moved there if she’s not happy? She said she wasnt working or doing anything anyway so why didn’t she make a point to come here on her own? Did she have to wait for me to tell her of a plan? Maybe she could’ve made plans herself. Would she only want to come up if there was a plan? We always have plans for our birthdays. This is why I’m so frustrated. We have always had a plan for the day of the birthday and weekends prior and after the day of the birthday. There’s usually at least 2 plans. She didn’t have to wait for anyone to tell her anything.

Then theres my dad. I was at home, trying to fix myself something to eat, and he comes storming down the stairs asking me about my letter from Probation and all hell broke lose once I tried to reassure him that I was going to talk to my probation officer soon, I have already talked to her, I have receipts of payments, she has receipts of payments and he still was angry!

The lack of communication between my parents and I, my older sisters and I, are getting really old. Im getting so frustrated lately. 

Actually communicating with people have been frustrating. I remember why i didnt talk to people or asked anyone of anything in the first place. I really feel like most people can rant to me and explain to me and complain to me about anything and everything. Then I start to do it and I just feel dismissed. I feel that way about Sara too. 

I know I cant expect everyone to be as approachable and understanding. But I just feel like they’re not even making an effort to be. I just feel like almost everyone is staying stagnant while I’m trying to change for myself. I dont want people to change for me, but I know that they have the ability to become better versions of themselves and I can’t understand why they are not reaching for those opportunities. 

Complacency, Control, codependency.....

The past few days have been great though. Stephen hit me up today. I usually hit him up and he called me and asked me if I can blaze and my heart melted.

I feel like i need to trade a good relationship romantically with a frustrating relationship with my family. I can never have both. It cant ever be perfect like that. That everything just falls to place and becomes less stressful. I know its me too. I let them get on my nerves. But I used to not do that and I became the person I am. Anxious, depressed, self-doubting, self-harming, suicidal. Now im actually trying to know and understand my worth. But i feel like everyone has pretty much confirmed all my fears and the reasons why I want to kill myself. They do think i am a burden. They do think that i somehow have ill intent by not inviting them to memen, francis and I’s plans. They do think I cause problems. My dad thinks im disrespectful. I can’t expect to change them but they expect me to change for them. I can’t expect them to treat me differently but the want me to treat them a certain way. It’s a double standard. All the reasons that makes me anxious are real. All the reasons that made me depressed are real.  Others expect me to make an effort but I can’t expect others to make an effort the same way. I need to accept others for the way they are, but I can’t expect others to accept me the way I am. 

So what do I do. I’m gonna not care how things affect others just like they obviously dont care how certain things affect me. They’re not responsible for my emotions and I am not responsible for theirs. All I can do is explain and defend myself. And yes it is worth it everytime. I dont care if it cause more of a problem. They’ve said their piece and im not just going to shut up anymore and not say mine. I have as much of a right of defending myself as anyone else. I have a right to speak my mind and for others to listen to what I have to say. I listen to what others say and by golly, they will hear me too.

Anyway, Stephen and I had a great day yesterday. I had a good brunch with Allie and Sara. I had a good time with memen and francis at spizzico and the point today....Overally, life is good and I cant complain. I just need to rant sometimes so I dont keep all this is my heart. Maybe I can understand them better too. I am honestly more concerned. Thats where the anxiety comes from. I don’t know. The more I interact with my older sisters, the more I like having the space between. They’ve just been different. I thought they’d be the same as they were when they were my age. I thought when I turned into my 20s I’d be hanging out with them, and they’d be proud of me. But recently they’ve just been more judgmental. It feels a little hypocritical of them. I hoped that I could be more open to them and now i just want to close my self from them. I was hoping they’d be more sympathetic. But I just feel like a burden. I just feel like I’m leeching off others. Feeding from their energies and finances. 

Except for memen and francis, right now, I have very little to live for. I dont really mean that anymore. I wanna live for me. They just bring me down when they see me getting up and I’m a little proud of myself for that. 

Nah, somedays I just reeally want to kill myself to spite everyone. Honestly, fuck you guys. You know I can’t make it on my own out here and yet you still kick me out. You know I can’t make it out there and you still tell me I can’t stay long enough because I’m suicidal. You know I can’t make it on my own in the world right now and yet you make me feel worried about living here and expect me to call you friend. You know I’m having a hard time trying to wrap my head around everything and you dismiss what I have to say, then lecture me of your own philosophy as if it was truer than my own without even giving me a chance to speak my mind completely. 

I’m just done with being dismissed. with not being heard. I’m done with others having strong opinions and once I express my strong opinions it gets only negative responses. I just want to express myself and have someone like me to be understanding on the other side just like others can express themselves in front of me and I have nothing but respect.  

I just want to be validated. I just want to be heard. I just want someone to sympathize, to see me as I am. They dont need to accept me, they dont need to like me, but I just want to be seen as a person who can have her own opinions and her own morality too. I just want to be seen. I just want people to stop looking at me as if I’m translucent. I want people to see my genuine self and go about their day. I’m not a bad person. 

I just want someone to tell me, you’re doing your best. 

I’m doing my best.