#dont know why its destroying me tonight

[thebiggestmenace]

something about joel being mad at ellie (for saving his ass????) yet still grabbing comics for her :( he loves her so much D:

[pika-blur]

sega went you know what. were gonna make it 3 bosses with telegraphing issues actually

[woncherie]

i sat in my lecture and started daydreaming about scaramouche,, this is what came out. enjoy!!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: afab!reader, no pronouns used, bully!scara, bullying, sub!scara, reader makes him a sub lol, nsfw, alcohol drinking, nsfw under alcohol influence, small mention of drugs, finger sucking, spit play, thigh riding, degradation, blackmail. (please tell me if I missed something)

wc: 2.2k

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

You kneeled on the floor of the campus, hair and clothes wet with some fluid you couldnt specify yourself. it definitely wasn't water. you looked up the windows to the upper floors, seeing a familiar face looking down on you and your now wet books and clothing.

"oops. my mistake." you heard scaramouche yell down to you, his friends also peaking down the window and laughing histerically. obviously, it wasn't a mistake. and he wasn't sorry. he never was.

scaramouche was a fellow student of yours. he was popular, had good grades without even trying, was participating in multiple uni sports clubs and everyone loved him. everyone but you.

its not like you hated him from the beginning. you were indifferent about him, you only heared rumors about him the first year in uni, he was a complete stranger to you. but when he met you for the first time, scaramouche made it his personal goal to destroy you.

you hated him. you hated his ugly face, his annoying laugh, his irritating character, his whole bothersome being.

but why does he hate you? you never treated him wrong, hell, you barely even know him. he just started mistreating you one day without a warning, shoving you around, kicking your books through the hallways, destroying your property and forcing you to do his work.

the second the professor is mentioning a group project he is up your ass, smirking dangerously and making you do all the work. and dont even dare fucking up the project and ruining his grades. "im looking forward to good cooperation.~" was all he always said before never showing up to the projects again.

the bullying continues over a whole year, which made it really hard for you to find friends in the new semester. everyone knew that he has you on his watch, and everyone knows if you are friends with them, he's gonna be up their ass too.

you only found one friend, but he is the best. you didnt need more. he didnt care about the bullying or the "danger" of being close to you.

albedo always helped you with your projects when your very useful partner refused to do his share, which resulted in you always passing and sending in your project before the deadline.

even though the past semester ended some months ago and the new one started, scaramouche and his jerk ass friends didnt let you go (which you prayed for every other night.)

But you didnt want him to destroy your last year at college, you wanted fun, you wanted friends, you wanted a normal college life. you promised yourself to not let him get away with everything again, to fight back.

but somehow, you still sat on the concrete floor, a big puddle of whatever the fuck this fluid is right under you and your books. fuck.

you can't believe that everything is starting all over again. you promised yourself to fight back this time.

the semester just started a week ago, and things didnt change. it frustrated you to no end to just sit there defenseless, but what should you do? stepping up for yourself seemed so much easier in your head.

☆

"Are you coming to the party later tonight?" you heared albedo ask. he laid down on his stomach on your bed, tablet on your pillow, preparing the lectures for the next day.

you went home and skipped your lecture earlier today, showering and drying your hair. whatever scaramouche threw on you smelled like shit, and you didnt want it to stain your clothing.

"are YOU going?" you asked the blonde who seemed to be heads deep into his notes. "usually it's me who forces you to leave your home and meet a few new people.", you teased him.

uni started barely a week ago, therefore semester partys followed right behind. especially at the beginning, where most of the students aren't drowning too much in lab reports, protocols and exams yet.

"yeah, that's why I'm asking you. you didnt mention the party yet, which isn't like you at all."

You sat down next to your door at the plug socket, inserting the airdryer and drying your hair before answering. "The first few parties are the best ones. of course I'm going."

☆

you just arrived with albedo at the party and you two immediately got dragged to the beer pong table by a few friends of him that you barely knew. they usually tried to avoid your presence, but once they are shit ton of drunk, everyone of them becomes your friend as well. it was always like this. you didnt mind it, you were just happy that at least a few people were talking to you.

You enjoyed the first few hours at the party a lot, drinking and playing games, shotting drinks and dancing to the music.

of course, scaramouche and his friends were at the party too, drinking heavily, smoking weed and fighting around. but you didnt care. you ignored them all, immediately leaving the room when they appeared in your view.

You pulled albedos arm and pointed into the kitchen once they headed near you. "let's head there, sucrose and yanfei are there too."

he just nodded and followed you, trying his best to walk properly.

After you shared a few more drinks with your friends, the alcohol did start hitting you properly.

you tried your hardest to ignore scaramouche and his friend group who were partying hard in the living room of the house, standing in the kitchen with albedo and sucrose yourself. where even is he? you thought, not spotting him with the rest of his friends who were all shit ton of drunk, dancing or making out with poor girls from the lower semesters. how pitiful. they didnt know what will happen to them. dont fuck the bad guys, they will drain you mentally and destroy you, only to drop them afterwards like an used tissue.

not that you cared though. you are happy to not see scaramouche ugly face constantly in the crowd of people.

you didnt plan on letting him destroy your last year in college, you will NOT let him destroy you like last year. at least that's what your plan was. somehow he still succeeded in bullying you regularly in the first week of the new semester.

after shotting a few more drinks you lean to albedo who was sitting on your left side, speaking in his ear tipsily. "I need a bit fresh air, ill be going out for a few minutes."

it took albedo quite a few seconds to understand what you said, being more than just a bit woozy himself. "Yeah sure." he answered then.

you stood up and started walking down the hallway towards the door, dodging pissed drunk students left and right. a few of them recognized you, waved and nodded at you, which you always mimiced.

Once you left through the door and stood at the front yard, a cold breeze passed you and you immediately shivered. should've taken a jacket with me. you let your head fall back into your neck, closing your eyes and rubbing your arms to warm yourself up a bit, taking in deep breaths of fresh air. the house really started to smell sweaty and clammy, so the air really made you feel better right now.

Right when you started to enjoy the cold breeze, you hear someone chuckle behind you. "Wow, you really must like me, everywhere i go you are following me." you recognized his voice immediately, sighing slightly annoyed the second you heared him snicker behind you.

You looked over your shoulder, seeing scaramouche leaning against the house wall, a nearly completely smoked cig between his lips, and damn did you curse yourself for checking him out. you hoped he didnt notice.

"Fuck off, im not in the mood." you miffed, leaning your head back once again into your neck.

"The fuck you doing here? shouldnt you be studying in your little room for the next exams? you still have a few protocolls and lab reports of mine to prepare, too." he pushed himself of the wall that he leaned on, dropping the cigarette on the floor and stepping on it before making his way to you, grinning stupidly. You knew he was about to harrass you again.

you started to become mad. more than usual. you didnt know if it was the alcohol that made you more agressive, but you were done with him. you couldnt let him continuously step on you and your dignity, you needed to fight back to get rid of him.

before he even arrived next to you, you turned around and faced him, your hand landing on his face, grabbing it and pushing him against the wall he just walked away from, your hands squishing his cheeks and making his mouth open.

scaramouches eyes widened in shock, not expecting you to get violent, out of all people.

"I told you to fuck off right now, didnt i?" your face came closer to his, feeling your hot breath on his face. "im done playing your stupid games. find yourself another victim." Your nails started digging into his cheeks, making him whine out and moan in pain silently, his eyes never leaving your face, heart beating a bit faster than usual. he didnt even notice the small moan he let out until it was your turn to widen your eyes slightly.

"Did you just-?"

It took him a moment to realise what you were talking about. once he did though, his whole face started getting red, eyes wide in fear and awkwardness. this did not just happen. no way. he panicked, his brain not being able to form complete sentences and finding excuses.

"There is no way.." You started laughing slowly, but louder and louder by every passing second. "Scaramouche? You? A masochist?"

Scaramouche didnt know what to do other than shake his head in denial, eyes tearing up in embarrassment.

"Let go of me." he demanded, heart hammering against his chest, but you only continued laughing. "are you stupid? after all these months of you destroying my life, do you seriously believe im going to just let you go this easily? you fucking slut."

You pushed two of your fingers into his mouth and he couldnt help himself but suck on them obediently. fuck. that's it. he thought. he's done.

but he didnt care. he doesnt know if it was the alcohol and the drugs in his blood, but he leaned into your touch, enjoying the way you degraded him. he didnt even check if there are other people around on the front yard, he didnt care. he just needed your touch.

your own breath started speeding up too, enjoying the view in front of you even more than scaramouche does. "Not so bold now, are you?" you teased him, your left hand supporting your body weight on the wall, caging him in.

scaramouches way of answering was sucking hard on your fingers, swirling his tongue around the digits. your leg settled between his two, and he gave in, sliding down the wall until he sat on your thigh, hard dick pressing on it. you couldn't help but gasp, your grin growing bigger and bigger as he moved his hips on your leg.

"open up." you said after removing your fingers from his mouth, looking at him demandingly. his face was flushed, hair dishelved, pupils widen in lust, no thoughts in his head left. he opened his mouth, waiting nervously about what you are gonna do next.

you took a second and collected spit in your mouth, leaning over his head and letting it drip down into his own. "dont swallow yet." you ordered.

scaramouche stood there, mouth still wide open with your spit on his tongue, dick pulsating in his pants, arms pressed to the wall and you couldnt feel better about the whole situation. "why can't you always be this obedient?" you asked him. "you could've saved me so much harm."

he looked up to you with big eyes, getting more and more impatient. but instead of giving him what he wanted, what he needed, you took your phone out of your pocket and took a quick picture of him in this position.

scaramouche didnt know how fast it happened. was it the alcohol that made him react slower? was he too horny to even say anything until it was too late? he didnt know.

he chocked on the spit and you let go of him, the lack of your touch and the cold wind breeze making him freeze. "Did you just???" he began to ask, but you took a few steps back.

"Dare to come close to me in uni again, and the whole campus will see a picture of their beloved football player being a horny slut on my thigh." you blackmailed him.

Scaramouche couldn't help but open his mouth and close it again continuously, unable to cope with the whole situation right now.

"You dont dare.." he said, trying to threaten you, but you didnt give in.

"Watch me." you said, showing him your middle finger before slowly leaving him behind, quoting him before disappearing completely. "I'm looking forward to good cooperation.~"

☆☆☆

every time I post a fic I have the urge to apologize for my broken english. I hope you still enjoyed it nonetheless!!

[neteyamslovrr]

heyhey its billie anon, i was thinking whether you could make an aonung fic based on her song "halley's comet" !! incase you havent heard it or since you dont listen to her anymore, here's an idea: reader is a metkayina and is betrothed to another random metkayina as she is one of the best healers of the clan and accidentally falls inlove with aonung, she knows it's wrong but she just cant help but cut off the betrothal infront of her parents and the other metkayina's family. ronal and tonowari hear ab this incident and 100% understand that love cannot be controlled by one (maybe from experience, ronal/tonowari maybe had a similar incident like reader) and reasons with reader's parents. you can write the rest if you want!! (also, i wld LIVE to see a small little epilogue if you could..?) (this was the lil idea i had!)

I NEED HIM NOT YOU

summary: betrothed to another you knew it was wrong to fall in love with ao'nung, but you can't help it because it feels so right.

───͙⊱••✩••̩̩͙⊰•───

Betrothed since infancy. A curse it was. To be spoken for before you could speak. It was a curse.

Iye, your promise. Iye, the innocent who longed for you. Iye, the man who you were chosen to be with. Ao’nung, the chief’s son who kissed you goodnight daily. Ao’nung, the lover who you longed for. Ao’nung the man you were destined to be with.

His kisses were addicting, his touches were exhilarating, his words were mesmerizing. His love was wrong. Your love was wrong. So why did it feel so right. When his hands trail down your body, when he recites his love to you, when he brings you small gifts. It felt so right.

“I have dinner with Iye tonight.” His name was like fire to your tongue. It spread and destroyed everything it touched. “My parents want to plan our ceremony, soon.”

Ao’nung had you enclosed in his arms as you laid in a cave far away from the village. A peaceful place to enjoy the serenity. The mention of that man’s name made his hold on you tighten. It had been known you were betrothed, promised, that you were untouchable but that didn’t stop the flutters in his heart when he saw your beauty, when he heard your laugh.

“I am going to call it off.” Ao’nung’s eyes widened, were you about to be his?

“You’ll get in so much trouble flower.”

“I don’t care. I can’t keep laying in your arms every day knowing one day I will have to wake up in the arms of another.”

“Has something happened? This is something reckless I would do, not you.” You chuckled before letting out a sigh indicating something indeed did happen.

“Iye’s mother and my mother were talking. About grandchildren. It repulsed me.” Ao’nung felt repulsed too. The thought of you bearing children that weren’t his. It was his nightmare.

“Fair enough.” His deep chuckle rumbled as you felt the vibrations of his chest on your back. “I just don’t want you to get in trouble. That’s my thing.”

“I could never top you my troublesome mate.” Ao’nung squeezed you tightly kissing the top of your head.

“We should go now…” Ao’nung nodded as you both called your ilu’s.

“Can you promise me something Y/N?”

“What is it?”

“The next time we come here, you’ll truly be mine.”

“I promise.”

Ao’nung promised to wait for you in his marui until the dinner was over. You just hoped this wasn’t going to be a shitshow.

_

The dinner was awkward. Two families connected by one who accepted their fate and one who longed for another.

Sounds of chewing and knives chopping was the only thing breaking the awkward tension in the room. More so between you and Iye. “Our ceremony will be soon.” Iye tried to break the tension, his shaky voice filling the room. “Mother is planning it, are you excited?.”

“No.” Everyone snapped their head towards to you, disproval dripping off your parents face.

“That’s a very crass joke Y/N.” Iye’s mother chimed in, her high-pitch voice trying to cover up the shock of your behaviour.

“I’m not joking.”

“Y/N! Watch your words.” Your mother had finally spoken. Her tone sharp and her glare sharper.

You mouthed a ‘sorry’ to Iye before you let out a heavy sigh. “I cannot mate with Iye.”

“What. What do you mean?” Your mother spluttered in confusion as everyone else in the room shared concerned looks to each other.

“I love another. I cannot mate with Iye, he is not who I want.” Your voice was firm as your fidgeted with your fingers. Heart beating in your throat as nausea swirled in your stomach.

“Who.” Iye’s mother had now spoken. Eywa, this was harder than you thought it would be. Gulping harshly, you closed your eyes. This would’ve been way easier with Ao’nung by your side.

“I am in love with Ao’nung. He loves me too.” Your mother let out an exasperated gasp as she hit her hands on her thighs standing up.

“This union has been planned for years Y/N! Why have you ditched this union between our two families for the reckless son of the chief? He will get bored of you! He is not Olo’eyktan he is a mere kid.”

“Do not disrespect him in front of me. Keep that to your gossip sessions.” You started to grow hot, fire burning in the pits of your rage. “This union means nothing! It is nothing! I refuse it.”

“I cannot believe this. How long has this been going on? How long have you stayed disloyal to my son?” You rolled your eyes at Iye’s mother.

“I have been in love with Ao’nung for years. He has been with me for every part of my life. And I will be his mate. If you do not agree with that, than you can disagree with your future Olo’eyktan’s choice in Tsa’hik.”

Your mother’s fists were balled as she continued to heave. “Go. Do not come back until you have cleared your mind of that boy. I do not allow it.”

“I don’t give a shit.” You screamed before storming out of your pod.

You should’ve figured that Ao’nung would have been waiting outside. You should’ve known that he wouldn’t stay still waiting while your advocated for your relationship.

“Well! that sounds like it went well.” Ao’nung gave you a small smile before embracing you. “You did so well my flower.”

“That sucked.” You mumbled into his shoulder, you didn’t want to cry but you felt the tears in your eyes starting to build up.

“It sounded like it did. My parents even heard. You yell quite loud.” You broke from his grasp holding onto his biceps.

“Your parents heard?! Ao’nung! Are you in trouble?” You were shocked, you hadn’t even thought about his parents finding out yet.

“I’m not sure. My mother said and I quote. “She is brave, go be brave with her you skxwang.”” You stared at him confused. Did Ronal really say that? “I try not to be confused. I am too happy as you are mine now.”

“I have always been yours Ao’nung. Haven’t I?”

“You have my flower.” He leaned in and gave you a tender kiss. “But let us do one more thing and you will be mine forever.” Your eyes widened as you nodded.

“It has taken us long enough.”

_

Epilogue

It had been a year since you and Ao’nung had officially mated. Though it took awhile for your parents to come around they figured they were being too pushy and shouldn’t have forced you to mate with anyone. (They were mostly happy you had fallen in love with the next chief.)

The small cave was still your favourite place. Not because it was secluded or away from other. But it was yours. A special place between the two, a place were a love that felt so wrong blossomed into something so right.

“Flower?” Ao’nung asked as you lifted your head from the comfortable place on his chest.

“Yeah?”

“Did you ever have dreams of us together? I always did.”

“I did constantly, I hated them.” Ao’nung’s face knotted in confusion.

“Why’s that?”

“Because in every dream I had to wake up to sneaking away to you instead of being with you proudly.” You smiled up at him leaving a soft kiss on his bare chest.

“I see. How about your dreams now.” Ao’nung’s rough hand caressed your face, his powerful gaze sending shivers through you.

“I am living in one.”

───͙⊱••✩••̩̩͙⊰•───

a/n: this could be better but i've been hating everything i write. sorry billie anon if this isn't what you thought but u have put me back onto billie

[blackdollette]

"i dont know why but i like it." | euronymous part 2 of "playing a dangerous game."

diet mountain dew - lana del rey

summary: pleasure torture with euronymous

p.s. this has nothing to do with the original oystein aarseth. this is rory's portrayal of the character.

sub!female!reader x dom!euronymous

contents: bdsm, degradation, praise, pain-kink, spanking, wax play, edging, overstimulation, squirting

so after ditching the party, you and euronymous were hand in hand, running down the street. he had told you that you were heading back to his place, but you didnt think he'd live in an apartment like a normal person would.

he opened the door to his room, letting you go in first. after he walked in, he locked the door behind him. and for some reason, it sent a shiver down your spine.

you stood still, holding your hands in front of you. you really hadnt thought about how this would go. you didnt know what people like him did when they had guests over, but you knew that it was gonna be a bumpy ride.

he started approaching you slowly, the sound of his black boots hitting the hardwood floor echoing thoughout the room. you started backing up a little as he approached you like a predator hunting its prey.

he got you back into the wall, exactly where he wanted you. he put a hand to your neck, keeping a firm but comfortable grip. "ive never seen a girl quite as pretty as you... but you'd be a lot prettier if you were tied up, tears running down your face as i used you for my own pleasure, dont you think?" you froze a little as you heard this.

"w-w... what... what do you mean..?" you stammered, immediately wishing you didnt ask when you saw the toxic smile creep up on his face. "im glad you asked, doll." and with that, he dragged you to his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

he pushed you onto his bed as he grabbed his lighter and lit a few candles around the room. you looked up to see what he was doing. he walked over to you, standing right over you. he pulled you up so you were face to face with him. his eyes roamed down your body.

"such a nice dress. i'd be a shame if something happened to it, wouldnt it?" he grinned as the tore the chest area of the dress, exposing your tits and pierced nipples. you gasped as he did this, completely shocked. you didnt think things would escalate this quickly.

he chuckled softly as he saw the piercings. "huh, so youre a naughty little girl, hm? who wouldve guessed." he said as he tore off the rest of the dress, throwing the now useless piece of fabric to the side. you were left only in your little black thong.

he bit his lip a little as he sized you up. "on the bed, now." you obeyed him. you'd be lying if you said you werent excited to see how things would go tonight. "face down, ass up." he searched his drawer for a few things.

your face was in the pillow as you heard him rummaging through his things. after a moment, he came to you. "look up." he was standing beside you. you turned your head to see what he wanted you to see, and your eyes widened.

he had some rope, a ball gag, and a vibrator in one hand and a paddle in the other. "you seen any of these things before, doll?" he asked. you nodded your head, even though this was all new to you.

"good. then this will be a breeze." he climbed onto the bed and got behind you, unravelling the rope. he grabbed your arms and put them behind your back. he wrapped the rope around your wrists, tying it with a tight knot.

it felt a little strange to be restricted like this, but you didnt complain. he lifted up your head and put the ball gag on you, stopping you from making any noises. he grinned as he saw you like this. "perfect. now youre all ready for me."

you couldnt ask what he meant, but you quickly got the idea when he moved your thong to the side. he sighed as he saw you little pussy, just there waiting for him. his mind filled with fantasies of how he was going to destroy you tonight.

you felt the cold air of the room hit your pussy, making your breath hitch slightly. euronymous spat on it before massaging it in with his thumb. you whimpered quietly at the feeling of his touch.

you saw as euronymous picked up the paddle from the corner of your eye. before you could process this, he landed a hard slap right on your ass, making you scream out in pain. well, it would have been a scream if the gag wasnt there to suppress every sound that you made.

euronymous smiled as he saw the red mark stain your ass. he spanked you again, making you whimper even louder. your pussy started to ache for attention. with every spank, you found yourself enjoying this treatment more and more.

"such a good fucking whore for me..." euronymous whispered as he ceased the abuse on your ass, which was completely red by now. "now, if your a good little slut for me, you get a reward. but if you're naughty, then you get punished. understood?" you didnt know what he meant by punishment, so you didnt respond.

he picked up one of the lit candles and tipped it, pouring the hot melted wax all over your ass. you cried out as tears pricked at your eyes. that was what he meant by punishment. "i said, understood?" you nodded quickly, not wanting to get punished again.

he smiled before picking up the vibrator. you heard as he switched it on, becoming desperate for touch. you lifted your hips in the air a little more. he chuckled softly before pressing the vibrator against your aching clit.

you let out a loud, muffled moan, your cunt already leaking from this simple action. "you like that, hm?" he said softly. you nodded quickly, not wanting to anger him.

he liked how this was starting out. he turned the vibrator up a few notches, making you scream out. your hips started rolling against the toy, your liquids making the perfect lubricant for the vibrator.

euronymous started to move the vibrator up and down your slit, sending shockwaves throughout your body. you started to tremble as you felt your orgasm nearing. he sensed this and turned it up even more.

you put your head into the bedsheets as your back arched into the toy. you were so close to reaching the perfect orgasm. just a few more seconds, and you'd be in heaven. but euronymous wasnt about to let that happen so easily.

your pussy started to throb as the vibrations took over your body. your hole clenched as it made way for your leg shaking orgasm. your moans came through the gag as your stomach started to knot. you bucked your hips against the toy as your orgasm was a second away from flooding through you.

but this was enough to tick him off, making him pull away the toy, earning you a hard and painful spank. you whimpered out in pain and disappointment from not being able to cum.

"what did i say about being a naughty girl?" he asked as he poured more candle wax onto you. tears streamed out of your eyes and fell down your face at the feeling of this excruciating pain.

"fucking whore. getting needy, hm? you want me to let you cum?" you nodded as tears fell down your face. he hit your ass with the paddle once more, making you whimper. "you'll only cum when i fucking say so."

he ran his index finger over your dripping wet cunt, going painfully slowly. you tried your very best to keep your composure. he saw how hard you were trying to keep him pleased, so he let you have your way and stuck two fingers into you, thrusting them in and out at a quick pace.

you started moaning through the gag, your pussy throbbing with the need to cum. he slammed his fingers into you at a brutally fast rate, making your insides tremble. your back arched more and more as your orgasm hit like a ton of bricks, you cumming all over his fingers.

he chuckled darkly. "little slut couldnt resist cumming all over my fingers. but im not done with you yet." he had no intention of stopping. he continued to finger you, despite your moans turning into cries and attempted pleas.

the louder you got, the more he wanted to drain every last drop of cum out of you. he picked up the vibrator, turning it on to the maximum setting before pressing it against your clit as he continued to finger you.

your eyes rolled to the back of your head, drool coming out from the sides of your mouth. you could feel your entire body heating up as you felt an unfamiliar sensation growing in your core.

you didnt know what was happening, you were unable to think at all from the feeling of his fingers pumping in and out of you, along with the vibrator making your body twitch.

this feeling in your core grew into something inhumane. your whole body trembled uncontrollably as you squirted all over his fingers and the toy. it was like a fountain coming out of you, it not stopping for a few moments.

euronymous laughed as you released your liquids all over him. "yeah... just like that, whore. such a good girl for me..." he'd say as he pulled his fingers out of you and turned off the vibrator.

you were still a shaky mess, trying to catch your breath as you were relapsing from that unearthly feeling. your pussy was still pumping as if his fingers were still inside of you.

euronymous untied the rope around your wrists and removed the gag from your mouth. he pulled you up so that he could take a good look at your face. your mascara was completely ruined, falling in black streams down your cheeks. your lipstick was smudged, and your hair was a mess.

he smiled as you were still catching your breath. "there. now youre absolutely perfect." he said before taking your hand and giving it a soft kiss.

author's note: first two-parter ive ever done, and I'm kind of liking it idk. i hope you all liked this one!

[pacifymebby]

How would dark/yandere!peaky boys react to the reader asking for a break up (if they're dating) or divorce (if they're married) since reader gets uncomfortable with them now and finally notices their really possessive and unhealthy behavior? I have a feeling this most certainly won't go well

thx so much lovely❤️‍🔥

Thank u for this anon, not something ive ever tried to write before

Feel like this goes without saying lads but these wee headcannons depict sometimes abusive relationships that some people won't enjoy and may find upsetting. Please if u think it might upset u or put u at risk of harm, don't read them. (Im going to post some light stuff tonight too later on dont worry)

Tommy

🌿I'm not gonna lie, i don't think he'd let it get that far

🌿He's always in control, always pulling strings, no one thinks, feels or does anything without him knowing their desires before he does.

🌿He can read people like books, understand them deeply within only a few conversations, thats why he's so good at manipulating people and situations to get his own way.

🌿So if you are breaking up with him... Its because he wants you to, its just another microscopic cog in his catastrophic plan ect. ect.

🌿 Youre not leaving him, he's letting you leave... For one reason or another

🌿 It might be strategic, might be a way of taking the decision out of your hands, hes involved with some dangerous men and he wants you out the way for awhile, so he can be sure nothing will happen to you. If this is the case youll be dead to him, publicly, and as far as youre concerned. He'll cut you off completely, the only way youll be able to get through to him is if you march up to his front door.

🌿If he's letting you get to the point you actually try to leave him, he'll probably let you do it... If he shows you what life is like without him, how weak and feeble you are when you don't have him to protect you from the big bad world.. Then he knows you'll come running back.

🌿He might even set up the incident that scares you back to him. He might put you in "danger" then come swooping in to save you. Your tommy keeping you safe.

🌿And when you do he'll open his arms to you, he'll ask you if you missed him, "You've had me worried angel, thought somet had happened to you," and he'll lull you into a false sense of security.

🌿And just when you think youve been forgiven, he'll change, he'll be calm and cold but all the love wilo have drained from his eyes... "don't you ever do that to me again y/n, you know now eh, that world out there, it'll chew you up and spit you out and it won't think twice about putting you through hell, and i won't be so forgiving next time, might not let you back in... Think about that eh... Your Tommy might not let you back in..."

🌿But when he sees the tears in your eyes, that fear, the slight tremble in your bottom lip, he changes again, cups your cheek in his hand, rubs his thumb over your skin soothing and sweet, "Come 'ere eh, s'alright now love, you're back where you belong, right here with your tommy, c'mere"

🌿Pulls you into his arms, tight hug, holds you seriously and kisses your forehead. His eyes open the whole time.

🌿"You stay here now with me yeah, be safe as houses, just you and me against the world.."

🌿And he means it, thats whats so sinister about it, he really means it. As far as hes concerned in this world theres only really one thing that matters and thats him and you, him having you...

🌿So he wouldn't think twice about killing, destroying, burning the whole fuckin city to the ground if it meant keeping you.

🌿Ultimately youre the only thing in his life which is worth living for, other than spite. Hes obsessed with the idea of keeping you healthy, of giving you everything, of making sure you live the best life and remain pure and unscathed by the world...

🌿 Which again, is why he'd sooner see the whole world destroyed before he let you go off on your own and risk being hurt.

Alfie

🐻 Just like Tommy Alfie wants to protect you. He is obsessed with your innocence and your youthful optimism, he wouldn't want any harm to come to you or for you to ever be in danger... Which is why he dotes on you, completely smothers you with his love, never leaves you alone.

🐻 And just like Tommy Alfies not surprised when you try to leave. Unlike Tommy it isn't part of some greater plan... When he first realises youre beginning to distance yourself from him he is genuinely hurt.

🐻He loves you... In his own, maybe more intense than is generally conventional but you know, thats just him ain't it, kind of way. He genuinely doesn't know what he'd do if he lost his little zieskiet...

🐻 Hes concered too, he actually does think you're as small and helpless as he's always telling you you are... He genuinely does believe that without him, you'll wither away, be dead in a week. He knows you can't look after yourself... If he lets you go thats it youre gone forever

🐻 Which is why hes so determined to keep you

🐻 He starts simple, he turns on the charm offensive, twists that dial right up to 11... He doesnt realise its making you feel worse though, all this walking you from home to the shops, the bar, meeting you outside your work...

🐻 He brings you flowers, bakes for you, buys your pretty gifts and is ever so sweet to you

🐻 But he notices what you're doing, youre still making plans... And last night one of his men told him they saw you buy a train ticket to take you up north...

🐻So he takes things up a notch... He's never let you in his office before, tells you the only people who ever come into his office are business men, cause you only leave his office on a deal or death basis

🐻So when he calls you and instructs you to come to his office you know you're in trouble, and you're terrified he knows your plan

🐻 "Alfie whats going on youre scaring me..."

🐻 "Not as much as youre scaring me poppet..." "I don't under..." "you know what i dont like poppet?... Rumours... Yeah nasty little things rumours, theyre like fuckin woodworms yeah... Theres never just fucjin one of em is there, theres always fuckin hundreds of them and theyre everywhere right... Fuckin woodworms.. You know theyre all different dont you, theyre all their own little wood munchin grimy little individual selves... But see the thing is they all look and sound thr fuckin same... Disgusting, i hate woodworms... They get into everythin don't they, the very bones of your house, and they feast on it, fuckin parasites right... And sometimes you dont even know youve got em until one night youre sleeping, dreaming fuckin lovely little dreams and suddenly, they all start dropping on you from on high... You ever had that poppet? Woodworms? "

🐻" N.. No Alfie..." "Nasty shock, fuckin horrible shock actually..."

🐻 "And thats the thing right, rumours right, theyre exactly the fuckin same and see recently yeah, I've been hearing a lot of em... Know what theyre about?" he's leaning back in his chair fingers locked over contemplative, until he turns them on you, "You..."

🐻 He tells you hes heard rumours youre going to take a train up north, he tells you all the journey details... Departure time, the stops you'll go through and the time you'll arrive at your final stop. "Amazing init, the details you hear in rumours..."

🐻Now you think you know why hes brought you to his office... The gun in his drawer, maybe he's worse than you thought he was, you try to angle yourself so that you can see his hand.

🐻 "Now what i wanna know right, is if these rumours are true?" youre trembling, utterly terrified, youre not a good liar and you know you definitely can't lie to him... But do you have a choice.

🐻 Your hesitence tells him everything he already knew.

🐻 "Now this is bad news innit, very bad news indeed poppet," "Cause see what ive been doing all these years we've been together yeah, you being mine and me being yours... Ive been looking after you, your old man - thats me yeah - 's been looking after you, plain and simple... And well, its been so long i don't know how you're gonna fair without me?"

🐻 He'll get you to stay by making you doubt yourself, he's always babied you and now hes going to remind you that you really are his little girl. That you need him to help you with everything, you won't survive without him. Who will do all the thinking for you? Make the difficult decisions? Who's going to defend you against all those bad men out there that want to hurt you?

🐻 "So these rumours right? Are they true?" this time you dont hesitate, you shake your head and say no, you dont want to leave him you want to stay with him forever...

🐻 He welcomes you into his lap, pats his knee says "well, thats alright then ain't it, come here poppet, come sit in your old mans lap yeah?" he strokes your hair and holds you and keeps talking to you about how he takes care of you.

🐻 You reach down, trying to be subtle you want to see if the gun is in his drawer, if he was going to use it on you. But he catches your little hand in his raises it to his mouth and kissing your fingers one by one whilst hes talking to you.

🐻 "Did you think that's what id brought you in here for poppet? You think your old man was gonna offer you a deal or death?" you shake your head but youre lying again and this time he questions for a second if he went too far... He did want you to think he might do that...

🐻 But he never actually would... Wouldnt every hurt you like that... Alfies toxic behaviors stem from him being possessive and too protective, he only holds on so tight to you to try and protect you from every threat he percieves. Why would he kill the thing that means the most to him.

Arthur

🍂 He knows he has problems... Well, he's aware of most of them

🍂 He knows his temper is bad. Hes convinced that he's a monster. If you start to believe you are something hard enough you'll start behaving like it. He thinks hes a monster, hes convinced hes going to lose you

🍂 Whether he actually is or not.

🍂But he doesn't realise, that believing you to be the only thing thats good in this world, is a problem too. That thinking youre the only one who can save him, that without you he's doomed to hell...

🍂 Thats what starts to worry you, how hes always telling you youre his ticket to heaven... But his temper and his jealousy, the rages he throws himself into when he thinks someone else has looked at you or flirted with you... They're the things that make you certain you have to leave.

🍂 Its only a matter of time before someone gets killed because of his complete obsession with you, so you try to leave.

🍂 You dont want to hurt him though, despite his rages, his violent outbursts you see him for what you believe him to really be. A wounded man who is hurting, a man who is capable of love but gets so overwhelmed by it it starts eating him alive like black rot.

🍂 So you try to break it to him gently. You tell him you love him but you have to go, its too much, too intense. You make the mistake of telling him he scares you

🍂 "Alright love you listen to me now... This is whats going to happen yeah... You are going to go upstairs now yeah, youre going to unpack your things, put em all back where they belong and then you're going to come back down here and youre going to apologise to me for fucking scaring me alright?"

🍂 He doesnt say it calmly either, he has that low, threatening anger, you can see how hard hes trying to hold it together but hes shaking with rage, you can see it bubbling up behind his eyes.

🍂 You try to be brave, you try to say, "no arthur, thats not how its going to be this..."

🍂 Thats when he loses it, "Alright?" he raises his voice getting louder, "I said fucking alright y/n? Did you hear me?"

🍂 He might get physical, he won't attack you, but that switch will flip in his brain, triggered by how scared he is to lose you... And you'll definitely be scared that he might really hurt you

🍂 He'll probably grab you too roughly, perhaps trap you against the wall. Hand gripping your throat tight enough to leave a mark.

🍂 If he hurts you hes going to feel bad about it, full of guilt later. He'll apologise to you, tell you it won't happen again, he'll probably tell you he knows youre scared of him, hes a monster, you and fuckin everyone else is scared of him these days...

🍂 You'll stay because he scares you. But also because you are convinced that maybe underneath it all there is good in him, you can change him...

🍂 But he won't change.

🍂 He can't change. He doesnt know why he feels everything so intensely but he does, he feels his love for you like bullets ripping through his body. He wouldn't be able to breath if he lost you. He'd suffocate

🍂 Which is ironic because sometimes hes so overzealous with his love, so possesive, always touching you in public, behaving inappropriately at parties and in front of other people. Squeezing you, rubbing your thigh, your arse... Can't keep his hands off you... That it feels like hes suffocating you with his love.

🍂 If he isnt following you everywhere personally, hes got peaky boys watching over you at all times.

John

🌼 Doesnt know that he has problems, thinks this level of adoration and love combined with this level of fear of your leaving, is normal... Its just the nature of your relationship, because he lives in such a dangerous world, its natural to fear you could be snatched from him at any moment. So he doesn't realise theres anything wrong with his attachment to you

🌼 He wont believe you, he'll probably crack a grin and say "what was that flower?" when you don't answer though, when he looks and sees the tears in your eyes he'll shout, "fuckin what was that y/n?"

🌼 He has tears in his eyes, you cant tell if hes really going to cry or not...

🌼 Hes far too invested in your relationship its like his whole life depends on it... That the second you tell him you've had enough, of his fighting and drinking, the crime, the violence, the worrying he ain't gonna make it home to you... The second you quite fairly point out that it isn't fair on you, he hits breaking point.

🌼 0 to 100.

🌼 At first he can't believe it, then hes devestated, then hes angry. And the emotions hit him at 100mph

🌼He doesnt understand why you want to go? He believes the two of you are perfect, that youre the perfect example of when opposites attract, that your good balances out his bad...

🌼 So you try to explain it to him, you can see he's upset so you try to be kind... Try to tell him theres no balance... But his emotions are all over the place and he keeps flipping between crying and heartbroken to white heat anger

🌼 "You wanna talk about fuckin balance love?"

🌼 He takes his gun out, turns it on you, then himself then back to you. "Find the balance now eh... We're on a fucking seesaw now y/n and one of us has got to go yeah, me or you?"

🌼 You have to talk him down from his rage, but its hard, you're holding back tears, trying not to show how scared you are but seeing him point the trigger at himself it makes you realise how devestated you would be to lose him

🌼 And that must mean you love him right? You always knew you did love him, never questioned your love for him... Just whether or not it was good love.

🌼 Youre not stupid, you know this isnt good love but... Its the only love youve got and you do love him...

🌼 So you talk calmly, approach him slowly, youre trembling and when you get to him theres a moment where hes still pointing the gun at you... Hes tears on his cheeks and hes shaking too.

🌼 "John love, sweetheart please don't do this i love you Im sorry i love you..."

🌼 You end up crying together on the kitchen floor, him holding onto you so tight.

🌼 He makes sure in future to be extra sweet to you, he buys you a locket with a photo of him in it, on the back "my love" is engraved. Its beautiful. He tells you to wear it everyday. Never to take it off.

🌼He will also use sex to keeo you his, making you feel good and reminding you that hes the only man who could make you feel that good.

Bonnie

🍀 Doesn't really know that hes as bad as he is... Hes just protective, some would call him possesive too but all he thinks is that hes protecting what is his.

🍀 He knows he shouldn't like the fact that youre physically much weaker than him as much as he does but he brushes it off as just something that attracts him to you... Everyone likes different things and he likes you.

🍀 If you realise he's a little too possessive, if you work out the fact that he never actually leaves you on your own, that even when you go for walks you feel like someones following you, that you see him waiting across the street from you in town, always watching you (he'd say watching over you, making sure hes there near by if you need him)

🍀 Then you might decide you want to leave.

🍀And Bonnie does have a very strong moral code, he has certain views about relationships and women that hes stubborn about.

🍀 He wont hurt you, he wont physically stop you, won't even threaten you... Because he knows that isnt how you treat women... Even when they're scaring the shit out of you threatening to break your fucking heart

🍀He'll look sad when you tell him, when you tell him he scares you when he follows you, that youre scared to be with him

🍀He apologises, tells you he does it cause he cares about you, because he loves you, hes so sweet about it, so apologetic that you know he really is sorry he scares you...

🍀 He promises you he'll change... And he tries a little, not very hard because theres some changes he doesn't think it would be very smart to use make...

🍀So in the end he doesnt change at all, he still follows you, still lingers around you all the time, watching you with those intense eyes. Its like hes waiting for something bad to happen to you...

🍀He probably uses his peaky boy status to scare other lads away from you, hes scared of losing you to someone else so whenever he sees another man near he intervenes, either by coming up to you, holding your hand, putting his arm around you, kissing you in front of them, marks his territory or, by threatening them later when youre gone.

🍀Hes always finding an excuse to give you his clothes to wear, he likes it when you wear his coat. Feels like hes keeping you safe, but also it shows everyone that youre his.

🍀 You think Bonnies sweet, that he really is only trying his best to keep you safe.

🍀When things get rough, when he thinks you're becoming distant, he'll take you off into the wildlands where the two of you can be alone together for as long as it takes to win you over.

🍀And when you do say you'll give him another chance he's ever so sweet and good to you, smothers you with affection. He does make you feel loved, even if at times it is intense and scary.

Isaiah

🐀Hes jealous and he has a temper.

🐀The temper is usually reserved for people he percieves to threaten the happiness of you and him.

🐀You're his prize to defend and hes convinced hes always going to be fighting people to keep you. Thinks everyone wants a piece of his girl

🐀When you tire of the constant convincing him youre his and only his, and you try to leave he kind of bates you?

🐀"Fucking fine y/n, fuckin leave me then.." he can pretend not to care for just long enough to make you doubt yourself, just long enough to break your heart and make you regret your decision.

🐀Thats only because thats not something that takes very long... For a number of reasons

🐀Isaiah is very good at playing the long game. When things are good he showers you with expensive gifts and spoils you sexually too, he's always giving you little reminders of how hard he works for you and the life the two of you have together. He's always reminding you that everything he does is for you.

🐀He's always leaving little marks on you two, love bites and things, marking his territory

🐀So when he switches the charm off the moment you threaten to leave it makes you question whats wrong with you, he isn't even upset, maybe you need him more than he needs you?

🐀That scares you into submission pretty quickly and when you shake your head, change your mind and begin to cry, he'll change again, tell you not to cry, not to be upset.

🐀"Don't cry sweetheart, not your fault, i know you get a little bit confused sometimes, such strong, scary emotions must muddle that pretty little head of yours right up," he's good at babying you, talking down to you to remind you that without him you couldn't survive on your own.

🐀Will start kissing you, touching you, carressing you, teasing you until he has you undressed for him, he'll drive you crazy the way only he can and when he's fucking you into submission he'll remind you that hes the only one who can make you feel that way. Hes the only one youll ever be able to feel so good with. You need him.

🐀Buys you pretty jewellery, expensive gifts, takes you out to expensive bars and spoils you, buys you things you'll never want to part with.

Michael

☘️ Is obsessed with you, with the idea of owning you. Youre the pretty thing he wants to show off to the rest of the world, he wants to see you thrive because it will make him feel good about himself. Knowing his girl is the best there is. That shes all his.

☘️Because of this he invests so much time and money into you, you get music lessons, art lessons, you get libraries of books and youre spoilt but controlled too.

☘️ Michael controls everything about your life, from what you wear to how you spend every second of every day. He wants what's best for you. Thats all hes thinking about.

☘️Is pissed that you'd want to leave, not just pissed but insulted... He knows hes possesive and controlling and he knows he cam be cold sometimes but

☘️ "Everything you've got y/n, I've given you... Everything i own i share it with you.. Everything I've worked for its for us... Together right?"

☘️ Threatens you, not with physical violence but instead threatens to take everything from you.

☘️ "if I'm going to fucking lose you y/n then youre going to lose everything?" youre everything to him so it seems fair that you should lose everything if you walk away from him

☘️He'll dazzle you with all the fancy gifts hes brought you over the years, he'll stand behind you in the mirror, let his fingers trail the silk dress he chose for you, that he paid for... He'll kiss your neck just above the string of pearls you wear doubled around your neck

☘️ And then he'll tug them, the necklace tightens around your neck... Almost... Almost enough to actually choke you

☘️ You'll lose everything y/n... Your connections, the family will cut you off... We can leave you behind, forget we ever knew your name, but you can't leave us... People will always know you as my wife... Bad men will still try to use you to get to me..." "But if youre not mine anymore i wont protect you, ill let them have you wont i... Cause you wont be part of the family anymore and i wont know you... Wont know who you are..."

☘️ These kind of threats are as scary as anything threat of physical violence could be. You know michael really means it when he says these things. He's a cold man. Capable of cutting you off.

☘️"No second chances y/n if you want to leave then leave, but there'll be no second chances..."

☘️And maybe you could be fine on your own, maybe you could start fresh, somewhere no one knows your name... But is it really worth the risk...

☘️ "Or you can stay, you can apologise to me for being so ungrateful, and then I'll forgive you and we'll go back to happily ever after.." "Just like that?". "Yes love, just like that"

Idk if i did these right sorryy bestie, i hope you liked them though!!!

[andreas-river]

Hellocan i get Simon ghost with the young reader realationship ? Sorry i dont know english very well

And tagg me too please , if you write

Have a nice day good bye :)

Loneliest Days [Simon "Ghost" Riley X Young!GN!Reader]

Disclaimer: I do not own any MW characters. English is not my first language.

Warnings: sadness, angst, mention of fears and past, fluff

A/N: hi @simligul ! Here's your request, hope you will like it!

I got inspired by a song, Lonely Day from System Of Down. I recommend hearing this song, but It's not indispensable for the reading below („• ֊ •„)

Being in a relationship with Simon was particular.

And not for the age, actually: even if you were the youngest member of the team, bonding with all of them was incredibly easy.

Soap was always joking around and his Scottish accent could be heard all around the base, finding yourself giggling when he was near. Gaz was different from the others, calmer and collected even were not on a mission, somehow finding him always around with Price: for you he was almost like a father figure, checking on you from time to time.

And then, there was Ghost.

Something ignited inside you when you met him, slowly getting closer to each other during the first year, founding both of you in a secret relationship. Ghost still cannot figure out how you understand him so well, his walls high like a skyscraper, protecting himself and his past from- and for everyone.

You however loved the way he was, silent as a ghost, yet his eyes were showing a storm of emotion, especially in front of you, almost as if his walls were being disintegrated from your mere presence.

A presence that now could not have, because he was sent on a mission without you, left alone on the base, trying to occupy the time, too slow to be measured.

Your mind was flowing with all the memories of you with him, from the first encounter to the first night together- no, you two haven't had sex, but it was a cold night, where even the windows could not stand the storm that raged outside. Sitting one in front of the other, you weren't even touching each other, yet, you never felt so naked in front of someone, all of your walls destroyed, remaining without protection- not that you needed one, while the words being whispered and destined to remain within the walls of his room.

"Have you ever been afraid?"

"No... but there were moments..." he said it slowly, almost afraid of his own words.

"Were you afraid of losing someone?"

"They can take care of themselves."

"Then what are you afraid of?

His eyes were darker, taking a deep breath.

"Of myself."

It’s almost ironic how a ghost is afraid of its own ghosts, but it's easy to tell that he is still haunted by its past, like a beast ready to break his neck as soon as he has the opportunity.

"And you?"

"Too many things."

Tilting his head, he gets closer to you, both of your knees almost touching. He's curious about your answer, his mask still covering his face, but without the facepaint, you can see more details of his eyes.

"I'm afraid of thunderstorms, for example."

You can tell he's raising an eyebrow, visibly amused.

"That's why you're here tonight?"

You shrug your shoulders.

"Maybe."

You miss that night, or all those days passed with him, appreciating his presence more than everything else, feeling something more with him. And even if you are afraid of being alone and of those loneliest days, you know they will end soon.

[fcknstar]

,, need you here "

harryosborn x fem!reader

a.n : hi uhm yes ill be posting more the next day since my hand have been itching.

warnings : nsfw MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

**lowercase intended**

it wasnt long till harry fucked himself so hard into obliviation. watching himself in the mirror twitching, harry had it coming. he saw the way you looked into his friends eyes, the way youd talk so angelic, the way youd hit his shoulder whenever hed tease you. of course it infuriated him when he realizes that its peter you are talking to. he couldnt help but imagine the things youd do with peter. 

harry didnt just want you, he needed you, but he hardly admits that. he felt the way his heart yearned for you, the way his dick yearned for you, how his dick wanted to fill you. and you, you in that darn filthy black dress you had on during tonights party made him feel more needy and whiny for you. he wanted to pull his heart out of his body and gift it to you if he could. show him his beating heart that gives him the chance to watch you, to be here breathing with you.

hurried knocks erupted from the other side of the door, releasing harry from his thoughts. 

"hey man, i really need to take a piss. " whoever it was from the other side clearly wanted a death wish. harry wasnt even able to cum peacefully and had to hold that uncomfortable feeling he felt in his stomach, with his dick twitching at such small contact. 

" yea, yea hold on. " harry quickly zipped up his pants, washing his hands and cleaning the counter for any remains he might have left. 

walking out of the bathroom, the guy from the other side rushed in and slammed the door shut. harry heard a content sigh, and started walking towards the homemade bar that the host made, wanting to drown the feeling in his shots.

there, he saw you and peter still talking. annoying, he thought. harry couldnt even get to talk to you, and here is peter, stealing harrys only shot to talk to you. peter just wanted to show harry who you liked more and harry wanted to kill peter so badly that hed serve peters head on a silver platter on your doorstep. 

" come on dude, tonights the party and shes going. go and talk to her - just like the way you talk to every girl you see. able to sweep her up with your charms. " peter had been trying to convince harry, hoping itd change his mind about the party. 

" okay, but will you be there, with me? i dont know. i just turn all fuzzy for her man. " harry hid his face in his hands, sighing as his options began closing in on him.

“ of course, id be there. now what do you plan on wearing? “ 

harry felt like shit, seeing his best friend go for the same girl he liked. i mean, who was harry to assume but it seemed liked it and it had destroyed him internally. it was like having your eye on a target anyone barely knew and telling someone about it, but the same person has its eye on it the same as you after entrusting him with a secret. 

walking up to you two, he saw how close your faces were, as if peter was going to tell you a dirty secret. placing his hand onto your shoulder, he had interrupted your conversation. peter now understanding what harry wanted, backed away and beckoned goodbye to you. 

“ hey harry, whats up? “ your voice was mellifluous . if he could, he would want to spend his whole lifetime just to listen to your voice. even if you were to be angry with him, he would do anything to listen to you, to please you.

“ i just want to see if you are alright? “ it sounded more like a question to himself. with you, he didnt know how to cleanly start a conversation, but with other girls, he just blurt out whatever he had on his mind. he was afraid that you would judge him, scared to lose his nonexistent chance with you. 

“ yea i was fine until you came..all jokes. “ you laughed. the number one rule of talking to you is that to prepare yourself for some sarcastic remarks, you thought were funny. maybe thats why he was afraid despite harry himself throwing sarcastic comments left and right. 

“ oh right.. you and peter..? “ the scene of your faces being close together really irks him knowing that you were breathing the same air peter was breathing. 

“ oh, we were just talking. he was telling me about something rather…private? “ private? what could be so private that you needed to bring your faces so close. jealousy bubbled in his stomach, not realizing that his jealousy  reflected on how easy angry hed get. you had nearly let out peters secret but covered it up quickly. 

“  private? whats so private that looked like you were going to kiss him? “ harry had let that slip out. harry hadnt noticed that you were quite sober, being able to down alcohol without getting drunk immediately. sensing harrys tone, you were confused as to why he acted like that.

“ its just private alright? why are you being so - i dont know. its just really complicated. “ your eyes darted towards peter who were currently socializing with others. peter had previously shared with you about his newly developed web shooters, you being one of the people he told about his newly found secret life hes been multitasking with his school life. 

“ yea, well. everythings complicated with peter. i dont do complicated. “ harry flashed a smile before downing his left over alcohol. 

watching him with content, you noticed how you never really paid attention to him. if you could, you would spend hours watching him if it didnt appear creepy.

harry noticed your staring and couldnt help but blush lightly at the thought that you might feel the same way. the way your eyes got all big and doe excited him. it was as if you were a test paper he couldnt wait to solve ; you are such an openbook yet mysterious. he couldnt get enough of you and didnt know what to do. 

“ youre so pretty. “ you whispered, thinking that it was your thoughts that spoke and not you actually saying it outloud. it was when harry laughed when you took in what had happened. 

it was now harrys turn to look at you. when you met his gaze, you quickly looked away with how intensive his gaze was. filling yourself up another cup, you saw harry put his empty cup down and felt his hand snake around your waist. of course youd start to tense up, who wouldnt. 

moving your hips against his towards the soft music playing in the background, you cant help but stay stiff. harry soon felt himself get hard again.

“ do i make you nervous, (name)? “ he whispered. his face dangerously close to your neck and you felt his breath against your sensitive spot. oh how dearly did you want him.

inhaling to gather up courage, you turn towards him and crushed your lips onto his. fuck, harry thought. he was so dizzy that it felt like he died and his wishes were playing, dying on him. but no, there you were, taking in his air as if you were going to die and depended on him to supply you air. 

wrapping your arms around his neck, you pushed him against the counter that was behind him. and with that, he allowed you to take control of him, of his body. he almost felt like a porcelain doll with the way you handled him. it was soft and gentle, yet rough and needy. smiling into the kiss, he dipped his head lower to taste every depth of your mouth, wanting to taste how sweet you made the alcohol. 

pulling away, harrys lips followed yours like a pet. looking behind you, harry spotted peter watching with a content smile, bringing his hands into a gesture of a thumbs up. harry was confused. why would he be so supportive and proud when he was previously trying to get you? maybe it was up to peters plan, knowing how harry can be a wussy if it really meant to him, peter wanting harry to probably quicken the process. or maybe peter wanted to prove harry that he too can have anything in his life if he worked hard for it. 

[ncis-onyoursixboss]

Gibbs and you have an argument

Summery: You are tired of gibbs coming home at 12:00 and jusy going downstairs to work on his boat, so you mention it and when he starts to deny, you blow up a little. What you did not expect was for the words he said to fly out of his mouth.

Being the wife of gibbs ment that you sometimes had to wait an additional 3-4 hours for your loving husband to get home. Even then, sometimes he would sit in the basement for hours at a time, only coming up to get dinner when you forced him too. Still, you composed yourself and delt with those nights, always willing to tell him that you married ALL of him, even his flaws. However, this past month was different. The entire month he had been home super late, barely eating, working on that damn boat, and never even spoke to you. It got on your nerves. How could he ignore you for an entire month before realizing it? Thats why you tryed to find a way to slip it in before he evaporated, stuck working on the unfinished boat.

"Love, i know your busy but i need to talk with you." You said softly, gaining some confidence as he seemed to be better then yesterday.

"Not now (Name) im busy, you know this." He responded, just as cold as the few times he would respond to you as of late. He continued to move around, grabbing some things for his long trip downstairs.

"I know, i just wanna ask if maybe you could take a break? You have been overworking yourself, its dangerous." You continue explaining. "Besides, maybe some time with your wife would help relax-" but you were quickly cut off by an annoyed tone.

"So you just want attention?" He asked as he stops moving and stares at you. You let out a shallow breath and shook your head.

"N-no, well, kinda but thats not why i am worried. You have been this way for a month, you work till 12:00 and then come home, and go right downstairs, you only come up once and thats too get your plate to take back downstairs!" You start to get louder as you get angrier that he hasent noticed his own scheduale.

"Im trying to save lives! Are you questioning me?! My job is serious and cant be wasted eating dinner and playing family!" He shouts at you, face growing a shade of light red, showing how angry he really is. You stagger backwards, shocked he would blow-up in such a way towards you.

"What are you saying Jethro?" You ask, worried for your relationship.

"IF YOU CANT HANDLE ME, FILE FOR A DAMN DIVORCE! I CANT WASTE MY TIME WITH YOU!!" He screamed towards you. Loud enough for the whole block to hear. You shook lightly and felt your eyes gathering tears. Gibbs stared at you, almost like he was waiting.

"You want a divorce..?" You asked, so meakly, it almost broke him. He had realized what he said. He just told the love of his life, to leave. He pushed you away. He hurt you. He broke all his custom vows, in 2 sentinces. You turned around and sobbed your way back to your "Shared" bedroom.

If he really wanted you gone, you would leave. You would do anything to ensure his happiness. Even if it ment destroying you in the process.

You grabbed a duffel from inside your closet and put it ontop the bed. You walked back to the closet and grabbed clothes, stuffing then inside. You didint need much, just enough to stay with Dinozzo for the night. You and Tony had been close friends for years before he introduced gibbs to you. You knew he was alone tonight so you figured you would go there. If he couldent take you, you would to to a hotel or maybe abby's.

"What are you doing?" You heard from the doorframe behind you. You turned to see gibbs standing there, wide eyed and with his eyes watered up. You smiled softly while still crying.

"Im going somewhere else for the night, I should be back tommorow, if you still want the divorce by then, i'll file it ok?" You said. Thats when he broke. He started to cry and hugged you, not wanting to let go.

"P-please dont, im so sorry, im sorry, please, dont leave me, i didint mean what i said i swear." He stiffled through small sobs. His feelings were not what you expected.

"But you said-" however he cut you off by kissing you roughly and messily, the same slightly chapped lips in play.

"Im sorry, please stay, i'll take a break, ill get rid of the boat, just, stay." He begged. You nodded and he shoved the duffel off the bed before picking you up and placing you in. He turned out the lights, climbed in and spent the rest of the night holding you, being afraid if he let go, he might lose you forever.

"I love you, Jethro"

"I love you too"

[theburgessobserver]

ROTG canceled Sequel-SCRIPT!(Found media!!!)

La fin du monde

Extateres arrivent

The Moon made an announcement to the world at large revealing his true intentions: a mind like ourselves, an intellect vast and cool and unsympathetic regarding the plain of existence and our planet at the center of it with envious eyes and slowly but surely drawing his plan against us…

Tonight important news!ACTION NEWS MODESTO CA.

Greetings people of Earth I am Moon soon to be the grand ruler of all.I am here for my moonrocks to give them to me at once!

(Reporter 2)Wow!will you look at that

He made an address to the Earth

Saying it in every country in every language.

Bonjour les genstes de le terre earthy

Saudandons as gentsos de la terra firmy

Saluti,la gentes di terra earthy

Pozdrav vy genty na Zemisky terry?

I SAY Ello you lot down there and terra firma

I have come for you…all of you!

I have been there since the beginning every day growing stronger and fauxing you and your mighty military forces and alleged myths and legends. My Lunar fleet is ready so I can sail off the moon with my army of Lunar robots and Moths to annihilate your civilization afterwards.

When North saw this he calmly drank some cocoa and the flipped ultimate emergency switch.

Moon's forces attacked in the first wawe only the most important towns:New York,Paris,Los Angeles,Rio,Quebec,Pencaster,Pilsen, and Pontypandy,Wales.

This isn't a war, the Chief fire officer Boyce said. It never was a war, any more than there's war between man and ants.' Pontypandy doesn't have a single police officer let alone army base due to the town being involved in so many fires it was decided to give all the funds to the F.D. and canceled the other to keep the town in one piece.Which turned out to be an supringly unsurpisingly bad idea.

1-B1 Lancers were diverted on a there”milk run”to destroy the moons earth base.

The President had a quick speech

“My fellow americans…you know what I must do so let's just skip to it…and promptly pressed the Nuke launch button.”

North and Jack were having a great time talking about and eating rabbit stew and talking about boiled rabbits and how tasty they are unbeknowst to them Bunnymund was there.

In the secret underground safety bunker there was a big argument.

Gentlemen please!NO FIGHTING IN THE WAR ROOM!The President said.

Bunnymund was putting on at full blast the song LEGAL TENDER

Will you please turn that infernal racket off!!!!!!!!!

Cmon Monger we can't have the end of everything without a rocking song to go with it.

Frost manadged to redeem some of the robots with an big speech that made them realized the truth

"Uhhh...why are you bad?Why cant you be like..I dont know?Good?"

The robots imeaditly killed all there former friends which were also robots after this realization.

Moon came across a kid and said:WELL,WELL WELL If it isnt,Sandy!?His mother came in"His name is not sandy". "Shut up Toothiana"Moon replied

Bunnymund and his entire egg army was getting ready to fight

"Why must the world come to an end on Easter"he said to himself angrily.

NEWSPAPER:PREZ JIMMY CARTER SAYZ:TIME TO PRAY…

meanwhile

North was so speechless he lost his voice

Phil the yeti to Dingle the elf

“North has lost his voice!”

“I hope he finds it soon," Dingle said in reply.

Monger couldnt help but start to cry...sniff..."my entire life was but a prelude to this magic moment"He said while shoting armies of moonbots with rocket launchers...and seing sandys giant dynosaurs stomping them to pieces made him add"This is not a dream...its the great reality of life!"

Jack Frost was angry:MIM YOU HAVE KILLED MY FATHER!!!AGAIN!!!!HE WAS FURIOUS

“Now,when you came here I said you were fools who would never accomplish anything and would only die….and now I see….that I was right.

Meanwhile a mad scientist(actually not really mad, quite kind and cheerful)was busy at work creating…a boggity…boggity…MONSTER!!!!

Yes…the Monster…………..CHICKENSTEIN!!!!!!!!

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!

[storiesofsvu]

Hi! CM anon here. It's been a while since my last message, but I'm back. I'm now in season 8 (I'll be watching the season finale tonight). These past seasons had been quite a journey, the Lauren episode destroyed me, and Garcia's voicemail broke my heart.

I knew that season 8 would be an uphill struggle for me without Prentiss, but I enjoyed it more than I expected, especially with the replicator storyline.

Now, I've seen a lot of ships in the fandom, like everyone with anyone. Since I'm pretty much new in the fandom, I wanted to give it a chance to most of them and I think I have a few favorites already. But I wonder, which ones are yours?

oh hiii!!!!

glad you're back!

omg, the lauren arc is literally what i'll watch when i'm in the mood for cm but also in the mood to cry LOL.

season 8/9 get a lot of flack from people because there is no emily, and i totally understand that. HOWEVER, you get Alex Blake, which is an extremely good addition (i only wish we got to actually see her and emily like, solve a full case together or share time on the team cause that would be incredible). I also found s 8/9 to have a lot of good storylines and episodes. I think they're likely the seasons i've watched the most on repeat since watching cm. If Alex wasn't your cup of tea at first i also find that she grows on you, she's just so soft. i love her so much.

the replicator storyline is so good! i love those eps!!

oooo fun!!

TBH, i don't heavily ship anyone from the show. LOL, i know that's weird, but hear me out, i'll go through the big ones here:

Jemily: incredible potential when it comes to the early seasons, they have this chemistry and unspoken bits that scream more than friends (it's very similar to Cabenson imo, if you're an svu fan). Even like, s6/7 there are still moments of pining, but once they made the choice to write in AJ's pregnancy and have JJ settle down with Will, they ended Jemily. (and dont get me started on the s17/18/evolution jemily cause i literally have to log off twitter over how batshit the fandom is going rn).

I like them, i see the appeal. if Paget hadn't been leaving at the end of s7 and they had gone through and killed Will like they planned (and cbs weren't cowards) i could have seen the natural progression for Jemily to start then (slowly and over the years lol) but otherwise, it's a no for me (CANON) (i do still enjoy it in fics, even if i don't particularly read straight up jemily. if that makes sense).

Hotchniss: i completely and totally understand the appeal and why people ship them, but i simply cannot get behind them. Like, i want them both to run me over but ONLY ever individually. people often are all "but you write hotch and you write emily, why not a hotchniss threesome?" and i simply cannot answer that. I get the bestie, watching out for each other, willing to die on their sword for the other to protect them/their family, supporting each other vibes, and platonic love but i cannot see past that. Part of it is the shitty background writing for characters on this show and Emily's background/history not making a single lick of sense cause he apparently worked for her mother, sometimes its said he knew em when she was a teenager and he was an adult and that makes things super weird. but yeah... i get it, but its not my cup of tea. ESP in fandom when people write them married and dilute emily down to being this shell of a woman who is just a wife/mother and needs his support and protection to survive. like.. what... lol

Morcia: LOVE THEM. i absolutely love the vibe they give and i do think that they were always meant to be best friends. I love the teasing, the flirting with no harm, how much they truly love each other and protect each other.

Willifer: i swap back and fourth a lot on these two. I didn't see any huge issues then i rewatched the earlier stuff. 1: the writers threw them together so fast (again, because of aj's pregnancy) and the first time i didn't even remember him from his original ep by the time he showed up again. My second watch, it was the way he outed her for being pregnant and turning down his proposal in front of the entire team and said she shouldn't be out in the field that made me want to kill him. overall we see them making a happy family together so, in the long run, whatever, but that moment really gave me the ick.

I know you're not there yet, but:

Temily: basically the only ship that i REALLY like. they've got these little moments, tara is someone who comes into em's life later and isn't fully knowledgeable about emily's past, it becomes emily's choice when to reveal those little things, ya know? And i think that would make emily that much more comfortable and confident around her. i *personally* also think that this would be a much more logical step (as of the end of s16 at least lol) in canon than jemily but that's all i'll say to not spoil shit lol.

It's also not really a big ship, or much of one, but you cannot deny JJ/Alex had chemistry over their time together. If we completely ignore Will during those years, it's totally feasible they had a little fling. LOL.

SO.... yeah... i like the little undertones of a lot of ships while watching the show, i wish some of them had been developed a little bit more, like just give us crumbs pls. Others i absolutely despise. Others i have literally zero opinions on. It also very much can and does differ between canon and fanon.

have a great day!! <3

[neyliaart]

Its weird being the kid with the cool mom.

And I dont think Ill sleep tonight until I just get this out so...

Vent below

TW for all who cant read this. You dont have to. You take care of yourself first.

I dont know if I should trigger this as child abuse. It feels... silly to me. Because it was just one time and I forgot about it so how bad could it have been? But I... remember now and I think my soul always did. The feeling at least, just not why it was there.

So yeah. My mom hit me once. Just once. I dont remember why exactly. Just that I was... a lot a lot of the time on her and for some reason I was extra annoying that day at that time and she got overwhelmed and well. It happened.

And I...never told anyone. Guess I didnt think it was important. Just happened once. And I always knew its not because she hated me or because she was a bad mom. Just because... she got overwhelmed and didnt know how to handle it any better. Because I rationalize others actions hoping that will make it hurt less... guess it doesnt. Just makes me unable to be mad.

Its easy to forget if its just one slip up that happened once. Its not like I never got overwhelmed. I was... I dont know. Somewhere in my early teens at the time? 13/14/15 maybe? I was practically overwhelmed all the time. Cant be mad at her for being overwhelmed too. Were human. It happens.

So I just... forgot. But now its almost 11pm for me and im sitting in the dark room on my bed silently crying to myself. I think I forgot I was hit. But I didnt quiet forget how it felt. I didnt quiet forget that... thats the reaction I can expect when im being too much. Too demanding, too loud, too annoying, too much. I get hurt and nobody I wont even be mad because I know im a lot and I guess thats just a thing that happens now.

And its hard being the kid with the cool mom. The mom that lets you skip class and the mom who you know tries her best. Because yeah, I think my mom is great. I know she tries and all my friends think shes the coolest because their parents are worse. But my mom also hit me once and I never told anyone. And I tore the label of the weight that I carried because I was still a child and I didnt want to know about it... but I carried the weight anyway.

So its weird being the kid with the cool mom. Not knowing if she remembers that one time that you do that none of your friends know about. Because you have the cool mom they wish they had. And im not ready to destroy their fantasy for something I can hardly remember...

[sunchiw]

who is this beautiful man? Mykola or Nikolai?

i wanna talk about something really important for me as a ukrainian: the misspelling this character's original prototype name.

so Mykola or Nikolai? lets strart from the beginning.

the author:

as you should know, the author Mykola Hohol (oh yes its also Hohol not Gogol lol) was born in the central part of Ukraine, village near the Poltava city. at that time Ukraine was occupied by the ruzzian empire (i write name of that country like this cause im disrespect them for a reasons, hope you understand), Ukrainian culture was destroyed or the ruzzians appropriated it for themselves (yep its culture appropriation)

the original author's name in Ukrainian language is Микола Гоголь (read as Mykola Hohol), but because ruzzia was trying to destroy Ukrainian language and even names was translated, so translated author's name in ruzzian is Николай Гоголь (read as Nikolai Gogol). its look similar, isnt it? but its important to know that Mykola and Nikolai is different names and the one of them isnt a translation to other.

if someone will say that the author used name Nikolai so it is right form, i have an answer on that too: its all because of society's pressure. imagine: a young man wants to become a famous author and be among the elite of writers and live without persecution unlike other ukrainian authors. conforming to society's standards is the only easiest way

btw if u interested, Ukrainian [г] is read as [h], but ruzzian [г] is read as [g], thats why its Hohol not Gogol

the fictional character:

"okay, now we know about author's name, but Nikolai is a fictional character and Asagiri named him Nikolai! how is it related?"

lets talk about that too!

"Asagari named him Nikolai, not Mykola"

but why does he use the fake author's name?

because the world knows the author as Nikolai Gogol, not Mykola Hohol

again, why does the world knows him as Nikolai?

its a really deep question and i dont wanna take a lot of ur time. its all because the world full of ruzzian propaganda and it was hard for country like Ukraine spread the truth about our history, culture and art to the world community, which is under ruzzian pressure, for example, even wikipedia says "Nikolai Gogol" т_т (what makes me sooo angry)

if u want to know more about what i am talking here, u can always ask me, i will be happy to tell u more about it and about the author Mykola Hohol!

To sum up, i really hope that you will at least try to call him Mykola, me with ukrainian part of fandom will be thankfull for this!

tysm for reading!! <33

P. S. im live in that city near which Mykola Hohol was born and lived. the places he wrote about are located a few kilometers from my city and tonight ruzzians tried to bomb my city. i cant save buildings myself but at least its important to save history and memories of my homecity

[jaydangan]

Stronger than you [makoto naegi ver]

I tried my best

Here we are again

One more time in this trial room right?

We're all gonna escape tonight,

Cause this time i'll be exposing the mastermind!

Enoshima, I know its you

You're the one who trapped us in this school

But im not scared of you!

For all our friends who died i'll push it through

So now we wont play by your rules

I got all the evidence i need to prove

Truth bullet, already pulled the trigger

Show up, dirty classmate killer.

Go ahead, execute me since you're able

Cause i know that you want it to be fatal

It dosent matter if i try to solve this talking

You'll continue until someone's dying

You're not gonna win, we'll be here together

Arguing in this trial room forever

Even though i dont remember metting ya

But me and my friends we will defeat ya

I know you the one Abo-o-o-o-o-ove

Abo-o-o-o-o-ove

Abo-o-o-o-o-ove

Abo-o-o-o-o-ove

I dont remember who you are

but you know who i am

Dosent matter if the world is destroyed

our hope isnt over yet

How could you murder your own sister

Trick her and stab her on the back?

Made her pretend to be you and killed her

Just so you could feel more despair.

Go ahead, execute me since you're able

Cause i know that you want it to be fatal

It dosent matter if you try to make them vote me

Cause our hope is stronger together

You used all of us like puppets you were the puppetear

But their hope to escape this place is why we're here

I will continue

For them i'll defeat you

I hope they're all on peace now...

I know you're the one

Abo-o-o-o-o-ove

Abo-o-o-o-o-ove

Abo-o-o-o-o-ove

But my hope is stronger than you.

[dullahandyke]

Ok back to dgs, trial 1 part 3 ^_^

We're like 2 lines in and auchi is already being misogynist... bro fuck of

[ID: a still from The Great Ace Attorney, in which Susato Mikotoba and Kazuma Asougi are both behind the defense bench.]

omg they're both here.... hello <3 squad...

Nooo shes leaving already... sads :(

The poison needs to have entered thru a wound... the burn mayhaps ? But then why steal the glass...

WAIT NK I JUSR RMEMBERED. HE HAD A FUCKIN TOOTH EXTRACTED THERE WAS A WOUND IN HIS MOUTH!!!! ok as u were

Brett's drinking animation is rlly nice tho... the zooms n shit

Oh this music is BANGING... idr the naming conventions of aa music and when they play but the one when brett goes full villain... mwah

RYUUS DOING RHE SCRAFCH BEHIND HEAD EMBARRASSED SPRITEEEEEE LIKE GRANDPA LIKE GRANDSON

[ID: Ryuunosuke Naruhodou's internal dialogue reads, "What is this, welling up inside me...? I've never felt like this before. It's a sort of conviction to break down all the discrepancies... It's so intense. Almost rage-like... And more than anything else, it's an animalistic desire... to take down my prey!" He then shouts, "Objection!"]

YESSSSS MY BOY LETS GO!!!!! also the lawyer genes r literally coming out it's so funny...

Brett destroying the bottle so it cant b tested for curare... first off suspicious as fuck, second off they can surely test the shards for trace amounts

Loving the view of multiple witnesses on the same stand I rlly like it... focusing on nosa while hosonaga is just standing there bleeding from the mouth in the corner of my vision

OH THIS MUSIC IS BANGGER I THINK ITS THE PIRSUIT THEME? LETS GO

All the music is so awesome in this game its polyphonous as fuck

Omg all the little chicks around the courtroom after brett's breakdown that's so cute...

YES ASOUGI USE YOUR KATANA!!!! so cools.... proud bf boasting abt how the naruhodou family will always b better than the auchi family

Jigoku mentioning the mission he imposed on asougi... why dont u fuck of.... I've noticed him being biased towards ryuu winning so that asougi can go to Britain that little fuck.... u dont deserve ur cool beard

Ok I know gumshoe is in charge of the confetti in modern aa but who the fuck is scattering sakura petals in this secret trial. Susatos in the fucking rafters lads

Oh God this victory theme is already so emotional.... gonna die to death when it plays eventually

SUSATO YAY SHES BACK!!!

Love asougi.... of COURSE hes taking the sword to Britain ryuu, why wouldnt he

Asougis little smile as he tells ryuu to celebrate... lets go my man

HEYRE NOT TAKING SUSATO TO LA CARNEVAL???????? BROOOO SHE DESWRVES IT GET HER BEEF!!!!!

Samurai on a mission again :) such a good song

And in comes the theme of destiny with the steel chair ??? Asougi saying he feels like ryuu is the one destined to b a lawyer instead of him... obvi its referring to the whole naruhodou lawyer thing but considering the shit asougi goes thru later... idk I'm putting a pin in that line

'You dont need knowledge of the law you need to BELIEVE' idk asougi it kinda sounds like u have this whole ace attorney thing down pat

'Asougi....mikotoba...susato.... hosonaga who didnt do anything but whatever...' go ryuu kill him <3

Finished the case jusr in time for bubbles to jump off me... now that's timing... ok I'm gonna go do shit (fold laundry, do some of my colour by numbers, etc) I'll probably start case 2 tonight... I shalt meet herlock >:) and other occurrences :( but also herlock >:)

[sebisrotten]

I havent been posting in a while, ive been deep in the hole.

I never write much really, but tonight i feel like a bit

Been working on a pretty big wall painting commission, that kinda goes a little off my usual style in a sense? [ being the subject im painting its the deity ganesh ] im nearish the end of it and its been good becouse for a while they've been giving me a room to be in.

Living in a house in winter now feels weird, im used to be either in a tent or in some kind of squat or abandoned building really.. for a ling time now ive been living in a abandoned lectric tower without windows nor a door, water or electricity in the middle of the woods, and that was my house last winter too. I wished so much for a house and warmth and i just used to live at the bar that was a punk community of pilgrims like me.

But now

Its.. like i cant stand to be in this closed walls anymore. Im still in the middle of the wooda in the nothing in a village so small and so abandoned there is 7 houses in total. Yet.

Feels tight

And i dont understand why i feel like this.. why am i not happy to be in the warmth for once? And just .. crave the cold uncomfortable memory of where i was. Toxic environment of self isolation yet forcing myself to be around, all the days ive spent in those long tall walls of the tower on a moldy mattress smoking on silver just to make the time pass to be able to sleep

Ive been completely clean here. Painting, i can have a shower when i want, hell, i can even eat fresh food from the garden for free

Im being as lucky as ive ever been for the past years really

im not happy

I got sick for days with fever not being able to psint much but still be there painting something

But not for the passion

But for .. finish it? So i can go away

I can go

Ive been looking a lot a this little metal box i have where i have inside the burned foil from my past smoking

I feel tired looking at it, i dont want to go bsck to it, i dont want to face really my problems either tho

Ive faced a lot this years

Ive done my best

So much ive destroyed myself as much as i could, thinking more to not hurt anyone else anymore

Still i do it, still i try not to and learn

Still im tired

I dont know where im going with this really anymore, i could go on and on for days with shit, but i guess i just need to let it out somewhat, it doesent matter if snyone reads it or in the end i just wnd up deleting this or not posting it

It feels good to let it out there

Its like screaming in the void posting on the internet

Ive been wanting to make a comic, or like to continue, or maybe post my old ones but for how much i want to do i always manage to do only rhe half of it getting occupide in surviving and or the opposite really

My hands hurts now i think im done, before i cant move them anymore for days, fucking EDS is a pain in the ass when you gotta paint