#dont have much space to vent abt this most of the time

[shummthechumm]

genuinely horrible how aave has been twisted into either “teen slang” or something absolutely Horrible and Ridiculous and it’s made out like these quirky white people made it when it’s existed for YEARS. it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. especially when our language becomes a meme and something you say to b funny when this is just everyday speak for a lot of us. the shit with sus and “sticking out your gyatt for the rizzler” or whatever stupid shit makes me go Oh. okay. y’all will just say anything ig

the amount of restraint it takes for me not to physically react to nbs butchering shit they heard online is. immense.

going to a majority non-black campus has given me my fair share of antiblackness through "haha i learned a funny word on tiktok!!! rizzler pookie!!! my deadass is so silly, no cap!!" LIKE SHUT THE HELL UP!!! SILENCIO!!!

even ppl that ive made friends with start doing this (slay, banger, etc etc) and its such an awful jerk to my fucking mood bro. NOT EVEN TO MENTION...ARE YOU TRYING TO TALK TO ME WITH A BLACCENT BECAUSE IM BLACK OR ARE YOU SO DETATCHED FROM THE ORIGINAL MEANING OF THESE WORDS DO YOU GENUINELY NOT KNOW?? SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING AND RISK GETTING SHUT DOWN OR...??

part of me is glad that i went to a black-centric highschool cause idk id rather not be furthered conditioned into uncomfortable silence when a nb mf decides that a random word ive scarcely use even myself becomes their favorite buzzword of the month. it feels like EVERYTHING mooches off of black culture and it manifests through the smallest shit. im so close to blocking ppl atp but what sucks is that even then--a lot of folks genuinely dont know and would likely change their behavior if you just asked. BUT ALSO A LOT OF RACISTS DO IT TO PURPOSEFULLY!!! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH PARANOIA THAT GIVES ME??

and the words that get butchered are just...some of the most random shit??? like theres too many regional dialects of aave for me to recount but. rizz??? thats the word yall are going to mutilate next??? YALL HAVE KIDS SAYING RIZZ??? "standing on business""??? LIKE THESE ARE WORDS/PHRASES IVE HEARD AND USED BUT NOW MY BRAIN IS GOING TO PERMENANTLY ASSOCIATE THEM AS MEME BUZZWORDS??? "ASF"??? I FEEL LIKE IM IN AN EPISODE OF ATLANTA!!

JUST THE LACK OF RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING FOR REAL LANGUAGE IS SO SURREAL BECAUSE IVE RARELY HEAR ANY NB SPEAKING THIS WAY UNTIL SUDDENLY IT BLOWS UP ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!!

i dont know any other way to describe it then just the background surrealism episodes of atlanta give off. like the ultimate gaslighting of shit that is obviously off-putting and weird but the majority of niggas doing the harm in the first place either want to convince you its ok or dont realize the effect of their actions. and you dont know which.

[phagodyke]

oh wow just saw flatmate messaged saying another friend passed smth on like oh okay. I didn't realise he went too u didn't say. in fact none of u said anything to me so that's great

[sweetzscore]

What if I fakeposted about my ocs. What then

-24 notes

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Me: [after talking about aliens n space for 3 hours] I dunno I just think they’re kinda neat

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Your record is actually four hours

🛸 ang3l-baby

Sometimes I just black out and talk about doctor who a lot too

32 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

Ive had girlfriends before which is really weird because I am the most idiotic loser ever. Bitch what do you see in me

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

This is true you are very much a loser

🎬 samthehotdog follow

I second this

💣 emooooeeeekid

Listen here you little shits

128 notes

🎬 samthehotdog follow

I’m very publicly intersex and my favourite thing about this is that I am a high schooler and my classmates get rlly confused all the time and its so funny

🎬 samthehotdog

I like to ask them why they’re so interested in my dick (or lack thereof) and they usually just combust or something

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

high schoolers are very invasive an insensitive so I like to give them the funniest answers possible

I once told a kid that when I was born they asked me if I wanted a dick or a vag and I couldn’t decide so they gave me one of those multicolour pens where you click down the things to get the new colour

🎬 samthehotdog

That. Is the best thing I have ever heard

241 notes

🍊 bowser-jrjrjrjr follow

Theres so many fucking fags at my school I hate this stupid place

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

What are you doing on this website

🍊 bowser-jrjrjrjr

Stfu tranny

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

I go to OP’s school and I can confirm he is very stupid and mean and nobody with any sense actually likes him

🎬 samthehotdog follow

Lmaooo

339 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

Vent under the cut

read more

💣 emooooeeeekid

Fuckin got you didn’t I

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Go fuck yourself

💣 emooooeeeekid

Don’t mind if I do

🧢 jord-the-trans follow

There’s something wrong with both of you

63 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

>be me

>have a crush on a guy

>guy likes someone else

>other guy is homophobic, used to be my friend but dropped me when I came out

>dont have the heart to tell my crush

Hes gonna get his heart broken either way and like :((( UGHH i just want him to like me

🎬 samthehotdog follow

Oof thats rough pal

🧢 jord-the-trans follow

Yeah Im real sorry abt that Val :(

A little off topic but I didn’t know you had a crush?

💣 emooooeeeekid

Haha nope. No crush here. I dont have any crushes nosireee

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

Real subtle mate

42 notes

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Im just gonna make it clear right now if you don’t think that straight aces are lgbt i need you to get the fuck off my blog right now

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

are you vagueposting abt your boyfriend’s haters

🛸 ang3l-baby

Die mad

402 notes

anonymous asked: wait you have a boyfriend ???

🛸 ang3l-baby follow

Actually @:reedinthemarsh isn’t my boyfriend he’s my wife

🍬 reedinthemarsh follow

When did we get married also when did I transition???

🛸 ang3l-baby

It’s only a matter of time

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

GELP???

26 notes

💣 emooooeeeekid follow

My parents think that me being non-binary might be confusing for my little brothers but I explained it to them once and they immediately understood, said “okay” and then asked me what my 2nd favourite colour was

13 notes

🌌 cosmicgirlthing follow

URL check

Cosmic: nope

Girl: nope

Thing: sure why not

[anonloveshim]

intro <3 READ B4 INTERACTION

TW for edz, h0rny shat, sh, drvgz, all those bad copin mechs (mainly ed and random vents abt my life)

hey im maxx (any nickname with maxx- in it is ok!!) and welcome to my blog!! i basically post whatever i want but i mostly vent here :)) my pronouns are he/him/it/its/pup!! im a FtM puppykitty kin (no i dont have did or osdd) please block dont report i love my lil vent space bc its all that i have :') i suspect i have bpd and audhd and some kind of psychosis hallucination issue lol :P im a pretty weird guy so thats a warning also lol im interesting in psychology, art, singing, dancing, most kinds of music, and literally so much other stuff that i cant possibly put all here bc then this intro will get boring and too long LMAO i will say stuff that makes it seem like im not ok and all i ask is that u do not dm asking about it unless i explicitly say that i need someone to vent to

tw for sh nd ed stats dont like then dont read ffs sh tw - ive been cvtt!ng since 5th grade - ive hit styro - ive been sh free for about 6 months - ive cvt on my thighs, chest, stomach, arms, nd knees ed tw - ive dealt with afrid, ednos, mia, nd ana - started taking shit seriously earlier this year - im 5'2 / 157cm - gw: 100, hw: 131, lw: 116, cw: ??? dni!! - any form of -phobic, -ist, -ism that is inherantly hateful - anyone over the age of 30 - people who arent ok with serious dark topics - bee and pupycat haters

interests!! - kpop (2nd, 3rd, nd 4th gen) - bee and puppycat - 4chan - anime - psychology - video games (hzd, hfw, d2, cod, r6s) - music (metal, rnb/soul, edm, white girl pop) my tags!! pupmaxx post pupmaxx posting pupmaxx asks pupmaxx rant pupmaxx vent pupmaxx reblog anyway thats me!! i hope u enjoy ur time scrolling thru my blog :))

[happiest-accident-evarr]

crying /neg (vent)

so we stay in the same room I did when I was little at my dad's but I don't have many memories of actually... doing stuff, except vague ones and the bad stuff :C

and whenever I think abt how the room has changed (new furniture and carpet), it makes me so sad i wanna cry, i dont want it to change, i like it how it iss TwT

but the feeling that my dad wants a fresh start with us is so hard to ignore and I hate ittt soso muchh

like he doesn't talk about when we were little and stuff and doesn't seem to want to bring it up bc I'm a teenager now so surely I've changed from when I was six

like we literally haven't tho we still like the same stuff, have the same hobbies, etc etc but ughhhh

and the fact that my grandparents keep trying to make dad lose visitation with us for stuff they can do on our weekends with them, and he's too worries Abt losing any time he has with us so he cant oppose it

its all so unfair! we're old enough to have a say in where we want to live and we've been told that by mom, but I know I'm going to lose all of my things if I decide to live with dad

our material possessions are VERY important to us, they have feelings too! we don't want to abandon them and then get thrown away, its just not fair >w<

if we try to go and keep our stuff, our grandparents will surely find a way to stop us

they bought us this computer, and its our only contact with people when we're at home, we'd lose our safe space if it was taken. we cant let that happen

and to make things worse, we cant even have most of our stuff bc its in storage and probably getting rotted and stuff because nobody ever lets us check on it

we HATE our situation so much its not even funny

[wheredafandomat]

hello there!!!

i feel shy talking abt this lol and idrk if ur offer still stands but im just gonna write this down..

idrk if ive had an orgasm since idont rlly technically know what to do..? touching myself doesnt really do anything to me--and yes im sure im stimulating my cl*t already :(( so anw lol i just squeeze my legs together until i feel some kind of good feeling down there and there's like a rubber band that snaps that makes me feel slightly good.......

and can ijust randomly type/"confess"/"vent" something down here but sometimes when i watch porn to get off, i get a little distracted bc i feel a little sad abt myself bci get so jealous of all those women w nice bodies and their big tits 😭😭 and i absolutely know that i shouldnt even use porn as a basis of any sex-related thing but aaaaaaa yekxuwkxgwkxg i hate my body it sucks ....... ok im done pls forgive me for the unsolicited rant/vent and a little thank u bc ive had space to write this down on

THIS MESSAGE IS SO LONG IMSORRY JUST DONT MIND THIS IF U DONT FEEL LIKE POSTING 😭😭

Thank you for sharing!!!

I’m definitely not a sex expert but have you ever tried stimulating any other endogenous zones like the breasts? Sometimes the clit alone isn’t enough. You’ve literally got a whole body to explore so explore itttt 😁😁 try adding some nipple play to solo time and see how you go.

As for porn, yes loads of those women look great with their bleached assholes but who has time for that 😂 they get paid to sell you this fakery. I think erotica (LOKI SMUT) is so much better because it also stimulates your mind and even puts you in the story sometimes. It transports you. Porn is so damaging most of the time! Smut writers should be paid instead!

ALSO, loadsss of women look like the porn ones now getting bbls etc, it’s really about what’s underneath and I know how cheesy that sounds and I used to think fuck that I want someone to be attracted to me as soon as they see me but the older I get the more I realise how true it is. Anyone of substance wants someone with substance. There’s only so much huge tits can do 🤣 you can’t bring huge tits home with you to have an intellectual discussion with your mother.

What to take from this:

YOURE A FUCKING MAGICAL DIVINE BEING WHOS AMAZING!!

Explore what works for you - incorporate nipple play babes then report back 😂😂

Always feel free to message me or literally vent in my asks anonymously

Hope this helped a little 💓💓💓💓😘😘

[nebulaniggatry]

im sorry this is long, you can delete if you want, but i dont quite know where or how to ask this question and i figure this is a better bet than most wlw blogs on this site. but do any other bi women just feel SUPER unwelcome around a lot of lesbians lately???? this has happened to me in a couple different groups within the past few months, i start getting along great with a group of gay women, and then as soon as i mention im bi and not a lesbian its like they get disappointed and quietly try to shove me away. the energy just automatically changes. instead of everything being abt loving women, suddenly its all abt their hatred for men. plus, a week ago, i almost got kicked out of a group chat because someone accused me of being a "bi lesbian" (i dont even know how that would work or where they got that idea) and everyone freaked out and started saying i hate lesbians and want them to get r*ped by my boyfriend?? i did correct them and explain i dont even date men, but i ended up leaving the group anyway very soon after bc they didnt apologize or anything, they just stayed distant. i hope im just being dramatic, or getting unlucky, but has anyone else been dealing with this kinda stuff??? i get so much anxiety talking to other wlw now, and it hurts a lot. ive cried over it a couple times now so i guess im looking for some kind of support or advice.

Hey. You’re most likely not alone in that, but from my experience it definitely depends on the environment and where you’re meeting people. I’ve vented before on here that I’ve told a gay person, who previously thought I was gay, that I was bisexual, and I could physically see the light die from their eyes with disappointment lol. While I know generally for bisexuals we don’t go “:///“ when we encounter other gays or have them in our spaces, but are more or less happy we found another gay person to relate to. But that also could be because bisexuals don’t really have a grounded “community” by itself.

In general I prefer meeting lgbt people online in order to see their viewpoints first since its more open, but I can understand as well how that probably isn’t as enjoyable if you’re meaning to hang out. A lot of lgbt ppl I meet irl often hold strange grudges and misconceptions against another, whether that be biphobia, misogyny, transphobia, general bigotry, etc. So you’re definitely not alone.

Even now with on Twitter, recently this thread caught traction about bisexuals wanting their own spaces in NYC, and in the thread many bisexuals (bi women especially) have come forward about their mistreatment and alienation in gay bars. Which is, of course, met with biphobic statements like this:

My advice to you is to search for more inclusive spaces and groups, and also be blunt and combative towards people attempting to alienate you for being bisexual, even if that may be difficult. Gay people bullying other gay people stems from insecurity and unpacked self-hatred. There’s a reason why so many wlw target each other but worship the ground attractive cishet women walk on. It’s easier. Hope that helped you somewhat, and I’m sorry about what you’re going through 😞 💖💜💙

[jesterjamz]

hello jeztie beztie whats one night at flumpty's

ok SO you know five nights at freddy's right. game made by shit cawthon & it blew the hell up. well BECAUSE fnaf got all popular a lot of people decided "hey lets make cool fangames of fnaf to be cool" & so they did. theres a lot of them & so i couldnt possibly name them all, but the one we're talking about here right now is one night at flumptys. (onaf for short!)

onaf was made by a dude named jonochrome (who just so happens to be the creator of riddle school as well, if you know riddle school). unlike a lot of the fnaf fangames that followed the 5 nights format, there is only ONE night (two if you count hard-boiled mode lol) & the characters are NOT animatronics. they are just lil creatures!

this is flumpty bumpty. he's an egg. he's immune to the plot & can transcend time & space. also, as he says in game, "im coming to kill you!" (which is what i based my blog header off of <3). sometimes i will refer to my beloved oc h as a flumpty ripoff, even though the similarities are not intended, but now you know what im talking about when i say this jfldksfdsfds

this is birthday boy blam. i would call him the sexyman of the onaf community if i had no dignity, but i honestly just think he's a silly little guy. hes my silly little rabbit. anyways he's flumpty's best friend & he also has a lil guy he turns into sometimes called kevin jr, who looks like this:

according to the onaf wifi kevin jr is blam's future self (despite the lack of a kevin sr) but hey! fancy lil dudes are always neat.

this is the redman! he used to be human but then he drank lava & lived (kinda) now hes this fucked up little creature & thats so cool of him honestly. also in the second game he can give a virus to ur security cameras so <3

grunkfuss the clown!!! grunkfuss is a silly little fucked up clown who likes to go through holes in the wall. in the first game he appears in a wall in your office & in the second game he'll just sloop through the declaration of independence. very cool guy. love him.

the beaver!! this creature likes to just stay in the toilet most of the time but occasionally he WILL run down the hallway to jumpscare you in the first game. also he usually doesnt have knives for feet this is the first image i could find of him lol

golden flumpty!! flumpty, but golden, & surprisingly LESS fucked up & evil. i dont have much to say about him. he's just kinda there lol

the owl!!!!!!! quite possibly the best character in video game history. his first appearance is in the SECOND onaf game, as a replacement for the beaver, because sometime between the events of onaf 1 & onaf 2, the beaver died (from falling in the toilet). the owl sits on a urinal & will occasionally vent (haha like among us) into your office. very cool guy.

eyesaur!! fucked up abomination of human corpses turned into flumpty's cool & sick pet! i love eyesaur. eyesaur is TECHNICALLY in the first game but they dont try 2 attack you because of music, instead they stay in the eye pit & show you how many camera uses you have left until grunkfuss kills you lol.

this is the beavowl! (this is the best image i could get of them ok lol). in the THIRD game the owl has presumably also died (from falling in the urinal) & someone (presumably flumpty) frankenstein'd the beaver & the owl together, creating the beavowl! i love the beavowl.

if u have ANY other questions abt onaf please ask me i will tell u everything i know :-]

[melto]

Ive been following you for years and I love seeing your hc/long posts even when I dont super know what they are about I just think you have such a fun/smart way of thinking about things. I miss it you should start doing it again…So uh what are your favorite hcs about this ENGR crew?

ough this is such a sweet ask thank u i love u im glad u enjoy them wwhjkhsglrkjgfdl

hmm.....favorites for them....i have so many i think about them like 24/7. let me say this first: korn is a trans man to me and chang uses any pronouns (hot girl at a bar hitting on him really changed him i see it clearly). also mo is 5'6 and korn is just barely taller and never lets mo forget. just for some little things i feel very strong abt<3 but anywayss

pat mindlessly plays with his friend's hair mindlessly. like specifically braids it. he used to do it all the time for pa and he doesnt even notice at first that he's doing it until like one time he's ranting to korn and he tugs a little too hard and korn shouts but never tells pat to stop or anything. just does it all the time and they looovveee it and if they all have pat gifted braids in their hair at the same time they r so annoying about it. they just go around with matching hair and pat gets sooo embarrassed bc they wont shut up about how their bestie did it for them literally if you even glance in their direction they will tell you

engr besties cuddling...they are so obviously just an overly touchy group they've always got an arm around shoulders or hand on the back, half sitting in laps and all the like. no concept of personal space in that friend group!!! they like to be close to each other!! and they get fake jealous if they get left out of the affection which is how 50% of the time they find themselves in a cuddle pile, the other half is intentional/just kinda happens bc they drift together. korn is 100% someone who likes to hold people he's always wrapped around one or multiple of them. mo likes to spread out and it works well bc he's the smallest. chang likes to nestle up. like curl into people's laps or lay his head there or on a shoulder. pat's pretty fine with any arrangement he just likes being able to touch everyone in some way like korn wrapped around him, mo's legs in his lap, and a hand stretched all the way over so he can touch chang's arm. he does start to like get all >:( if anyone tries to like spoon him after he and pran start dating bc it simply never feels as nice so it makes him irritated. korn and pat are kinda chronic overheaters, korn gets whiney about it but pat doesnt notice its just everyone else's problem. chang runs super cold and mo is just normal. he's fine and normal in this department. they dont usually use blankets though bc they will fucking die then. esp if they are squeezed tight. they are convinced they can all fit anywhere until it blows up in their faces. pat lovveess playing with his friends' hair and hands and they all love when he does. mo falls asleep super easy when he gets cozy. korn thinks its funny to just randomly shake them around sometimes or just full on start trying to get everyone to wrestle with him with only works like 40% of the time. chang, surprisingly, is the one who talks the most like sometimes its just a normal hangout session so they are all just having normal conversations but on the days where its like more sleepy/quiet chang just kinda fills up the space by like monologuing about something he found interesting recently or whatever. they also have like a very specific way of holding each other when one of them needs some Serious comfort. it varies per person, like after the (fake) break up, korn and chang would glue to pat's sides and mo would lay across their laps and hold one of pat's hands and they'd usually watch something or pat would feel safe enough to vent. but yeah they all have a special comfort cuddle setup...they love each other soooooo much that it's embarrassing. and oh my god? pran is not safe? they walk in and see him and pat cuddling and they just fucking leap onto that couch and snuggle in best they can everyone wants to be close to pran bc he's their special guy! and he gives very good rubs and sometimes gives their heads a little kiss (which they all do to each other but its different bc again! its pran!) and pran feels so nice and loved but he cannot last very long bc it gets so hot so fast and he does not enjoy being sweat on by multiple people for more than maybe 45 minutes. sometimes inkpa join. pa's a lot more used to it and has a higher tolerance but both would much rather just be cuddling each other. with them it is just like a prolonged group hug basically, korn once got a black eye trying to keep ink in longer and she hit him in the struggle. they love each other (:

pa gets sooo many brothers. like she has pat and pran but she also get korn mo and chang and they all love her soooo much (society if i finish my fic abt this>)

ive talked about it before (mostly in reference to korn and pat's relationship) but i think the engr crew has an interesting relationship with violence and anger. pran being the catalyst in the change in it since it allows pat to become further removed from those things which leads to the other 3 to do so as well. i have a lot to say.

chang breaks him arm and the next day mo shows up with his broken too so korn and pat are like dude what the fuck happened and mo is just like oh i didnt want chang to feel weird being the only one ): the only reason korn and pat dont do the same is bc pran stops them. korn mo and chang were having a really hard time when pat got shot bc they could not easily recreate it for themselves to share his pain

korn mo and chang love pran so fucking much not an ounce of this is just out bestie's bf in them pran is THEIR special guy!

silly little group of bisexuals<3

months after the (fake) breakup starts to die down pat’s out at a bar with his buddies and chang just is like “this was pran’s favorite appetizer here” and then both he and mo just start drunkenly bawling about how much they miss pran leaving pat and korn to comfort them

korn mo and chang take that fake break up SOO hard. korn at least knows its fake but he still doesnt get to see his guy as much as he wants now but mo and chang? Devastated. oh i have so much to say i have many visions that make me so ]: (society if i finished this fic lol>)

they have secret handshakes

they like to tease pat for how down bad he is and force him to share his bf. pat's out there acting like a chauffeur bc they make pran squeeze in the back with them. shouldnt have gotten such an epic bf if he didnt want to deal with the consequences

Simply they love each other so much and are so supportive and learn to navigate newfound vulnerability with each other which allows them to just continue to grow closer and into the people they actually want to be<3

[softskiesahead-moved]

hihi!!!! u dont need to answer this or anything ;;;;; !!! and im sorry abt being awkward when trying to reach out but id be super pleased to hear abt the moments u referenced in ur tags in the other post !!! u guys r a really cute ship!!! ig I just ;;; wanted to say that idk ;;;

sorry if this is a bother! i still dk how much to reach out to people ;;

- august! (:

hello !! aaa thank you so much for this august and i'm sorry in advance because this got,,, so so long. but this isn't a bother at all and i was really really excited to write about this actually !! thank you!!

these all take place in the main au I use, which is sort of canon compliant? I’m not really sure how to explain it but these moments are meant to sort of fit in with the storyline of thh in some way. they should sort of make sense on their own though ^^;;

1 )

aya finds chihiro having a panic attack in the kitchen…while also kind of having a panic attack.

this happens right after everyone is shown their motivation videos, so there’s ample reason to be panicking at this point ;;;

this is the first time they interact beyond their introductions, so everything is a bit awkward but they try their best to calm the other down!! somewhere along the line they succeed and decide to try and de-stress by baking something for everyone together and venting about their anxieties.

the importance of this moment lies in how aya and chihiro’s dynamic in thh is a bit odd at first; because in reality, them falling in love was very much a close friends/lovers slow burn. it happened throughout the first few years of attending hope’s peak together.

but after they lose their memory of being together and are essentially strangers, the trust and comfort level they had around each other is still unconsciously there somehow and strangely, they both get the sense that they have met before!!

it’s SO confusing to them ;; neither of them are the type to easily make connections and both take a very long time to open up and be truly comfortable around others. they’re completely perplexed as to why they’re suddenly ok with sharing their deepest insecurities and biggest secrets to someone that they think they’ve only known for about a week.

the baking session is almost like a catch-up because after this event, they become close so quickly and share so much more about themselves than they would ever normally reveal.

it gets to the point that when one of them just somehow ‘knows’ something or remembers a preference that was never shared, they don’t even question it until they learn the truth.

2 )

this one is adapted from chihiro’s first free time event (sorry makoto)

aya notices that something is bothering chihiro and asks them if something happened, prompting them to tell her about the mosquito and that the bite hurts a lot.

she tells them that they might have something that could help and produce a first aid kit with a medication inside. cue very soft taking care of an injury (I guess?) scene !! chihiro asks them why they even had the kit. aya tells them about how her siblings were very daring, so she got into the habit of carrying one around to help if they got hurt and that she’s pretty careless too, so it comes in handy!! it kind of hints at something aya is dealing w/ as well, but that's kind of a sensitive topic to go into.

they note that most of the bandages are gone and remark about finding somewhere to replenish it. the rest of the conversation is mostly them talking about their families to each other and where in the school a mosquito could have possibly resided!! (aya is so excited at the prospect of a garden, but they're both more excited that it could mean a possible way out!

3 )

aya was pretty distressed from the beginning of the game, but everything gets very bad after the first class trial. it starts to become very noticeable that they are Not Doing Ok.

at some point they end up missing role call and so some of the class nervously goes her dorm, really hoping that aya hasn’t become the 4th victim.

they haven’t!! it turns out that they just kind of had a breakdown. she admits that they haven’t been able to sleep for days, so they spaced out and thought it was still nighttime.

which is very concerning because she’s exhausted and scared to leave their dorm because they’ll be punished if they fall asleep somewhere else. chihiro says they’ve had trouble too, then very very shyly suggests that they share a dorm the same way sakura and aoi do. aya says yes, but she’s not really sure if it will help so at first they mostly hang out. ^^

aya asks them a bit about coding because they like listening to chihiro happily explain what they’re doing on their computer and she’s trying to pay attention but soon aya just kind of,,, softly falls asleep on them.

they feel safe enough to rest around chihiro but they can’t place why and honestly? she’s way too tired to care.

chihiro is surprised for a moment but eventually they fall asleep too and they take a long nap together. they wake up profusely blushing and apologizing but very happy that the other finally got some rest :)

this event sort of marks the beginning of the relationship in thh! they keep it secret, but it’s clear to the others that they became pretty inseparable once they started sharing a dorm.

[fuckyeahscienceparty]

hey if ur taking requests for writing...., what abt angsty among us idea- reports a body and like.. engie attends and it turns out medic was killed? and then hes heartbroken and really sad and angry at spy for killing medic? obviously u dont have to do this but the among au had me thinking about a ton of angsty scenarios lol. have a good day!!

i'm always takin requests! it may take me a while to get there but i will try my damndest to get it done at some point!

i actually had part of this in my drafts when you originally sent this ask but it's been reason enough to finish it, i think. i hope you like it, even if it's a bit messy :>

-

Per Aspera Ad Astra

In which an imposter experiences the loss of someone he loved and wasn't supposed to.

-

As Dell heard the emergency meeting alarm blare over the intercom and red lights flashed overhead, he looked up from the mass of wires he'd agreed to rearrange for Medic, furrowing his brow.

Odd. Spy hadn't made it clear to him that he was going to attempt anything that day and he knew for a fact that he himself hadn't made any sabotages since last week.

Then again, he'd noticed that this crew in particular had no qualms against using the emergency meeting button for more trivial things. Someone probably just wanted to get everyone's attention to look at some weird space bug that hitchhiked from their last stop on Pollus a few weeks ago or something along those lines. Standard procedure at that point.

He packed up the wires he'd been holding back into their panel before making his way out of electrical and towards the cafeteria, readjusting his goggles over his eyes to make sure nobody would find him out.

When he'd arrived, he could practically physically feel the shift in attitude of the rest of the crew since that morning, mentally noting that Medic was currently the only one of them missing.

"Tex, there you are. You uh. Might want to sit down for this one, lad," Demo said gravely, all the other crewmates' mumbling amongst each other dying down instantly as Spy stood to the side of the table, having said nothing ever since he himeself had arrived.

"Uhm. Sure, ok. Shouldn't we wait for Doc first, though? If it's actually important he should probably be here," He said, a confused smile coming to his face. Demo physcially winced.

"See, that's the thing, it's. It's Doc, he's..." Demo trailed off, Sniper moving to put a hand on his shoulder.

"He's?..." Engie frowned, having to take a moment before he realized what he'd meant.

It took another moment for the dread to set in.

"No. No, that- that's impossible, I- I just saw him like 30 minutes ago. I agreed to do one of his tasks for him while he finished cleaning the medbay so we could finish up for the day," He stuttered, looking anxiously between all the other faces at the table. None of them could meet his gaze even through his goggles, Spy in particular insisting on staring out the large window that peered into the vastness of space around them instead.

...Spy.

Spy said he wouldn't touch him- said he'd let him find a way to deal with all of this effectively and without having to kill this particular crew. Especially Medic. He said- no, he promised he wouldn't.

Engie's anger soon started bubbling inside of him, tightly clenching his fists that he oh so desperately wanted to sucker punch a certain other imposter in the face with. But then came the second realization of what he'd done and he felt his arms go slack again.

Medic was dead.

"...Where is he?" He finally whispered out, somewhere between heartbroken and seething.

"Medbay. Demo, Sniper, and I called for the meeting as quick as we could and did not get the chance to move his. Corpse," Soldier said, standing up straight and visibly uneasy at the mentioning of Medic's dead body.

Engie slowly nodded.

"Ok. Did you fellas, uh. Did- did you contact Pollus yet?"

"Not yet. I was gonna after the meetin's over. 's gonna take us a while to get there tho, at least 2 weeks," Scout said.

"I see. Did you three uh. Did you see anything?" Engie asked Demo, Sniper, and Soldier, all of them shaking their heads.

"Pyro, Heavy, 'n Scout were on comms because they were finished with tasks already and all three of 'em say they didn't see anyone go into Medbay after you left."

"...what about you, Spy? Been awfully quiet the entire time. And you don't have an alibi," Scout squinted. Spy scoffed.

"I was also finished with tasks, I've been in my quarters for at least 2 hours. You can even roll back footage on the cameras."

Pyro pressed a button on their suit, the small speaker on their chest panel letting out a soft 'kshh'.

"...he does have a point. Cams don't lie."

"What if he used the vents, though?"

"You really think this pansy's gettin' in any vents?"

"...Aight, fair point."

"I do not think we have enough information to make decision," Heavy sighed, every looking to each other in a vague sense of agreement.

"Skip vote, then?"

"Yeah, I think that's for the best."

"Alright lads, be on alert, then. If you see anythin' suspicious, y' know where the button is," Demo sighed, patting the plastic cover that protected the emergency meeting button.

Everyone mumbled out affirmations before getting up to head out, Pyro staying behind to raise their hand.

"Ay, what is it, Py?"

Kshh. "...who's taking care of uh. Y'know. The body."

Engie squeezed his eyes shut briefly.

"I'll do it."

"Tex, no, we couldn't ask you t-"

"Demo, it's fine. I'm not a child, you don't need to baby me. I can deal with it."

"If you're so sure..."

"It's fine. Really. You go make sure everyone else is doin' ok, lord knows they'd need it," Engie smiled softly, giving Demo a pat on the arm.

Demo's eyes still showed worry but he nodded, reciprocating the gesture before hurrying into the direction of nav where everyone else went.

Spy turned to leave but Engie stopped him, shifting his goggles back to his forehead.

"...Why did you do it?" He asked softly. He could've sworn that he saw the slightest break of stoicism on Spy's face but perhaps it was just the awful fluorescent lighting of the cafeteria playing tricks on him.

"You were taking too long. It was getting risky for us to be here. I thought it better to end it sooner rather than later," He said, any trace of emotion leaving as quickly as it came as he turned his head. Engie had no response.

"Remember what they did to us. To you. Just because one treated you kindly does not mean others will."

Silence.

"...Don't sabotage anything tonight. They'll get suspicious. Be prepared to leave this ship in a week's time, without the Medic they'll fall apart. Do I make myself clear?"

Still nothing. Spy frowned.

"I said, do I make myself clear, Dell?" He asked again, not even bothering to mask the threatening tone in his voice this time.

Engie squeezed his eyes shut again.

"...Yes. Yes, you do."

"Very well. I will see you in the morning," He said, moving so that Engie's hand no longer rested on his shoulder and starting to make his way to hallway that led to crew's personal quarters.

Spy paused to look back, a feeling that could almost be described as pity overcoming him. He sighed.

"...Get over it. You only knew him for less than 8 months, anyways," He said softly before leaving Engie alone, footsteps echoing against the metal floors of the ship.

When he felt he was ready, Engie made his way to the Medbay with full expectations of what he would find there.

He just. Didn't expect it to hurt so much.

Medic's body lay on the floor in between the scanner and the large computer it was attached to, his normally bright cyan suit soaked in red and a sizable gash made into his back. There was a broken test tube that had fallen out of his hand a little ways away and one of the lensed of his glasses had been cracked, most likely from the impact of falling onto the floor.

Engie took in a deep breath before carefully sitting him up against the nearest wall, preparing himself to find something to clean up the blood that hadn't managed to be absorbed into his space suit.

He wasn't used to Medic being so.. quiet. Lifeless, if you would. He couldn't remember a single time he'd felt a pain in his chest as intense as this.

It was then that his anger suddenly came back, barely being able to contain himself before he turned around and ended up making a decently large crack in the monitor.

He tried to control the emotions that came flooding after, tried to keep himself from feeling this way over this one human when he'd aided the destruction of countless others, but when he felt himself shaking, he fell to his knees, a sob escaping him.

He shouldn't have gotten attached. He shouldn't have, it wasn't like him- like an imposter to get attached, and yet here he was, crying on the Medbay floor as blood soaked into his already red suit and glass shards clinked against the desk as they fell off piece by piece.

Serves him right for believing in humans, he guesses. Serves him right for having the audacity to care.

...what a stupid decision, that was.

[phagodyke]

i keep getting irrationally miffed at ppl 😐😐

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being a Wheeler Sister

Wheeler’s x sister!reader

warnings:

a/n: i just have a lot of ideas abt characters finn wolfhard plays dont @ me

prompt:

you were two years older than mike, one year younger than nancy

you like, rarely got along with mike

but at the same time, you were always by his side

“move your legs so i can sit on the couch”

“sit on the la-z-boy”

“are you kidding me, mike? that’s dad’s seat!”

“well, then, sit on the floor with holly”

the bickering was nonstop

it wasn’t any better with nancy

“y/n, did you take my sweater?”

“for the hundredth time, nance, no, i did not. your sweaters are not my style.”

nancy digging around your room anyways

“check mike’s room, you know how he is”

accidentally finding eleven

“uh, hey mike, can i talk to you for a second?” *pulls mike by the arm* “who the hell is that in our basement?!”

helping him with el as much as you could

what? of course you thought of the repercussions

but hawkins was getting boring and this was the most exciting thing of the decade

kind of loving and despising his friends at the same time

the kind of “don’t talk to me or i’ll throw a rock at you” hate but “hey do you guys want a slice of the pizza i brought home” love

mike and nancy teasing you about every single guy that even looked in your direction

as soon as you realized the severity of hiding eleven, it was too late

too far in

but now it was up to you to protect your brother

and his friends

seriously the monsters were hideous

he was gonna be scarred

he had nightmares a lot after the middle school fiasco

you know, where you guys watched like, ten people die and a giant faceless monster attack

you and him took turns sleeping in each other’s rooms for a while

one day the nightmares just stopped

but every once in a while he’d come knocking on your door and just coming in so that he didn’t have to face his dreams alone

being closer with his friends and your family

going to your mom for advice

babysitting holly

comforting mike when he misses el

teasing nancy about steve

seeing right through your sister

you knew she didn’t love him

talking to her about jonathan

“i do not have a crush on him!”

“oh, sure you don’t”

round two of goblin creature hell

“mike, stop being a dick to the new girl”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, i’m just making sure she doesn’t find out about eleven”

the boys running and screaming like little girls as they swarmed towards you

strategizing

steve and the kids team up had you freaked out

“so, y/n, has nancy mentioned anything to you about me recently? do you know where she is?”

almost feeling bad for him

protecting the kids

“i need to be with my brother!”

trip to the byers home while the rest of the kids investigated

hysterically chatting with joyce about what had been going on recently

helping joyce around the house so she could focus on will

going to save hopper wheeler x byers x newby edition

will collapsing and what you could only deduce as seizing

“what the hell what the hell what the he—”

“y/n! shut up!”

going to the lab and watching the heartbreaking scene

at least will remembered your brother

going protective big sister mode when the power went out

“stay behind me, mikey”

grabbing a gun

“y/n, you don’t know how to use that!”

“i don’t tell you everything, little brother”

retreating to byers home base

chaotic last minute plans

el showing up

knowing exactly how mike felt in that moment

excitement, fear, anger, happiness

you tried to calm him down at first, but hopper pulled him aside

then he had you go into the room

“mike, hey, come here. you gotta understand why hopper did it, okay? he was trying to keep you and everybody safe. eleven was in trouble and she still is, she was safest hidden. but here she is now, and i know your hurting and your heart is broken, but you’re a badass kid, mike. you’re gonna get better.”

he cried on your shoulder and you rocked him back and forth

he gained his composure and ran back out to properly reunite with eleven

shortly after all of this, mike and eleven started dating

you were so proud

he went to you for relationship advice

you were always getting teased for your relationship too, but hey, you were going strong with your boo

him getting a little overly attached to her

“give her some space, baby bro”

girls day mall trip with max and el

mike was piiiissed at you

“y/n, how could you let this happen! you know the rules better than any of us”

giving up on mike’s love life

supporting nancy’s career goals, but trying to be realistic

“nance, it’s not the end of the world if your don’t become a newspaper writer by seventeen”

“i just need a story to blow them all away!”

your s/o getting caught up in some strange things

full girl’s team up to figure out what the hell is going on

el venting about mike

max and you cracking jokes about your brother

“i love mike and all, but he’s just clueless”

mike’s baffling rant and confession leaving him red in the face

you pulled him aside for a mini pep talk

“don’t worry, mikey, you’re not pathetic or anything for loving her. you’ve been with her for a long time and just because everyone else gave you a weird look about it doesn’t mean you should be ashamed about it. just work on not being a dick to her.”

nancy seeing a few cuts and bruises on your face and arms

“y/n, what the hell happened?”

“billy’s flayed.”

not hesitating to chase after the flesh monster that was about to kill your sister

mall trip 2.0

holding your breath while your siblings were in danger and you couldn’t help

crying and tacking them in hugs when it’s all over

of course you loved them, even if they were the most impossible people to live with

[heartsymbol]

im just going to vent. abt my feelings. and about someone. you dont have to read it. if you do, i appreciate it. genuinely... okay!

well first of all i fucking hated you! resented you! and a part of me still does. a part of me seethes at the thought of you. i hated being with you. hated getting texts from you because i know most of the time you're just going to vent. talk about yourself. and i always felt my stomach drop everytime you asked at night. when i was tired and drained. i hated how you would talk about your shit days, your job, very much unprompted. i felt as though you fucking treated me like a dumpster, and shoved this shit at me constantly. like, duh ofc i will view you as a negative person lol. one person can only deal with this shit for so long without feeling resentful. not only that, you would always talk about yourself. you you you! you use your adhd as the excuse, but i know tons of people w adhd and they have never been as self centered and without boundaries, like you! all you cared about was yourself and talking abt yourself and wanting to be heard. in the end i would feel like you would just constantly just talk AT ME, like i was a fucking brick wall, not a person. and you would THEN ask, after an hour of talking about yourself, "so. how are you?" like i was a fucking afterthought. you even said i didnt have to say anything... when... that is a part of. talking. as a two way street. as a friend. and i felt denied the action of responding. i didnt feel like a fucking person. do you know how fucking shitty that feels? you ARE SELF CENTERED. tremendously self centered. and the most non-aware person i've ever met. you barely had anything nice to say. not just about your day. but about other people. you would talk shit about people and the things you see unprompted. you would always complain. 80% of the time i felt like i couldnt talk about what i genuinely enjoyed without you laughing or talking shit. and you had the audacity to explain yourself by saying "well i felt like we dont have anything in common to talk about so i talked about my life and work" like BITCH?!? wheres the fucking common sense. you would rather talk about your job and shitty and petty thoughts as a convo stater than, idk. your hobbies? like normal people? in what world would one think that talking about your shit life. CONSTANTLY. UNPROMPTED. W NO BOUNDARIES would be a genuine convo starter... you were fucking unbelievable. it just felt like you wanted someone to talk AT, and not a person to be with. all you did was talk talk talk about yourself. once i said "eh, I'm okay nothing happened in my day." you would go straight to talking about yourself. you just cant hep yourself can you? i felt so very strained, being with you. i couldnt talk about what i liked in fear of you saying something. all you did was talk at me. mansplained constantly. when i did not fucking ask you. and i felt like a fucking idiot around you. it always felt like you were talking down at me and never saw me as an equal. you really had the audacity, in our last moments to cry about how you felt YOU put yourself in the role of being "the older care taker" despite you being just 3 years younger. you created that role. you PROCLAIMED yourself as "an older sister" BUT YOU WERE NOTHING OF THAT SORT! you took that role, created a certain distance from me and ""felt"" like you had to take care of me when all you did was the bare minimum. like, i cant believe i had to tell you years later about how you dumped your trauma onto me CONSTANTLY when i was 17. SEVENTEEN. and you were well into being 20! you USED ME. all i ever felt was USED. i rarely felt like a person. and THE NERVE of you saying that i had baggage with people relying on me. its BECAUSE of people like YOU! that im like this! you caused me so much fucking pain. i would feel awful for days on end. and when you finally are able to have a lighthearted convo i felt "huh. why did i think so badly of you? i was just making this up." it was a fucking cycle. i was DRAINED. you never ever had proper boundaries. you dumped your trauma unprompted to me at age 17. and even afterwards til the very end. i couldnt talk about things like sex with

you because you were uncomfortable! which was fair! but you would then just talk about your own sex life without even asking me if i was comfortable??? you never realised just how much of a power imbalance and power dynamic there was with us? you had the biggest fucking cognitive dissonace, thinking you were a good "older sister" figure with me when you only did the bare minimum. less than that with how you vented to me like, in your words "your note app, live." you just USED ME. USED and took advantage of my fucking kindness to listen to you. and you wonder why. for the longest time. why i could not trust you. that i could not be open about my own problems to you. you had no fucking boundaries and keeping my distance was the one way to make me feel fucking sane, to keep some sembelance of space for myself. this was very much doomed from the start. i cant believe you thought it was funny to pick on me and make fun of me at age 17. what an absolute fucking loser of you to project onto me at that age. you projected onto me an image some girl that you felt hurt by, bc she strung you along romantically and flaked on you. like do you see how that is wrong. how wrong it is to project that image onto a seventeen year old you barely knew like?!??! you were a fucking adult i cant fucking believe you did this shit. and ofc i felt like i had to say shit back. and be spiteful. i was defending myself from an adult. i still laugh now how you would victimise yourself like an overgrown baby when i said shit like " you cant love if you dont love yourself." knowing full well it wasnt meant to be said at you. i felt like i was walking on egg shells, being on high alert with you. because you would always say something, and i would say something back and then you ended up feeling hurt as if you werent the one to fucking start all this shit with a minor. oh how much i fucking resent you. i hate you. i hate you. ughhh and i cant fucking believe just how much i've done for you financially. it was a constant thing. this was my own fault of not stating my own feelings. and constantly giving on my end but boy. im just thinking about how many times i've actually bough food for you. with the intention to share and give. and i would give you money. and i would give you things for your birthday. but it took you two years to do something for mine. i felt unacknowledged and unheard. and i was just. drained. stuck in a friendship i shouldve been honest about from the get go, but felt like i couldnt because i didnt know just how bad it was for me. i let this happen too long, and thats something i will continue to review but fuck. i just. need to let out my anger out. i need to. i never had the space to fucking feel angry and to let out my hurt. i need that space to rage!!!! fuck. fuck you! fuck you! i hated you. i hope you get over yourself. you hurt me. i felt so much hurt in this. i must acknowledge that hurt. i need to be selfish just for once and be angry and nonsensical. i dont care. i dont care. i hated you.

[1eos]

Hi kendra from a capricorn to a virgo do you have any tips on how to stop being the Therapist FriendTM? this shit is tiring 😭 btw love your blog keep being the funniest person on here

i DO have tips 🚶‍♀️ the past few yrs have been me learning how to stop too

-firstly nd maybe most importantly just make everyone respect your time? i used to make myself available for my friends 24/7 nd that was a bad idea bc if i didnt answer a text abt how they were sad instantly they would get mad at me so what i learned to do was tell everyone that i put my phone on do not disturb at a certain time so if i dont respond im getting ready for bed OR if i was busy/not in the right head space i would text back nd tell them i see their messages but im busy so ill get back to u in a second

-stop giving advice all the time. as the mom(tm) friend u want to dive in nd give advice or fix stuff but we gotta stop trying to fix EVERYTHING! what i do is i ask my friends if they just want to vent or if they want advice. nd if i feel like something is way beyond me i say ‘im not comfortable trying to give advice on this may i suggest talking to x,y,z’. i feel like showing ppl that u dont have all the answers would help make them realize youre not a mom or a therapist you're just a FRIEND

-have a threshold of caring. this doesnt happen often but ik everyone has that one friend that complains nd complains nd doesn’t want to get better they just want to complain until someone else fixes their shit. well what i do is after it becomes clear that they don’t want to fix a situation i tell them straight up that im only gonna listen to them drag everyone down w their issues WE’VE ALREADY TALKED ABT 3 more times. i have a close friend nd he hates his job w his dad so much but he’s not even TRYING to look for a new job nd after a yr of complaining there’s nothing i can do but tell him straight up that he’s stagnating nd there’s no more advice or help i can offer. its on him. u dont need to rude abt it ofc just be very honest. tell them u there’s nothing anyone can say/do until THEYRE ready to change. if they get mad at you even if ure nice abt it that’s a sign that theyre not a good friend tbh

-nd lastly. this is something i JUST learned how to be honest enough to do but just tell ur friends how u feel! if u have friends that care abt u they’ll understand when u tell them that ure overwhelmed with your own feelings/life so that u can’t  always be there for every small thing going on in their lives nd that u might answer messages slowly/not be able to hang out to listen to them complain all the time/etc BC u need to worry abt u! nd again there’s a very sincere nd nice way to say this obvs lmao nd if ur friends have an issue w you taking time for yourself then again they aint shit!

-basically try to open up an honest conversation w your friends? i find that the main reason we get stuck as the therapist friend is that we’d rather keep our problems to ourselves nd ppl see that as a sign that we have everything together when we don’t nd then WE feed off of helping others bc it makes us feel accomplished nd wanted when u shouldnt have to bear the burdens of everyone else to be a part of a friendship. relationships should be mutual giving nd taking! learning to be more vulnerable should make others see u as human nd u deserve to be able to ask for help from others :) i hope this helped im on this journey w u too anon pls know ure not alone 💖

[ohsweetflips]

so im just gonna vent/monologue for a hot second and idc who does or does not read this but we’re just gonna be super chill abt it and not read too deeply into the stuff that i say, so!!!

and if i delete this in the morning, ignore all this!!!

i think the best way to start this post off in general is “i had a bunch of stuff i wanted to vent abt but from the shower to here (total of like 5 minutes) i have forgotten most of it”

which is very on brand bc i don’t remember most things nowadays ajkdjkdskj

anyways tho also shout out to my lack of emotional object permeance bc i have been in such a Not Fun State for X days (bc i dont really remember when this started this week akjdsjkdsjk) and i cannot remember what started it nor can i fully process that i have only been in this state for like A Few Days and not like........................ weeks

but i think that is also due to the fact that i do, in fact, bounce back and forth between “hey things are fine idk why i ever thought they were bad :)” and “hey things are bad idk why i ever thought they were fine :)”

it also doesn’t help that. every day. i am analyzing the complicated relationship i have with my parents. specificaly my mom. and it definitely isn’t fun to think abt.

basically every day i think abt that scene from the breakfast club when they all talk abt how they’re fated to become their parents, no matter how hard they try not to be, and it especially fucks me up when i think abt how much me and my mom are alike, in both the good and the bad, and i’m just like “hmm am i just being a shitty daughter (possible) or do i have to figure out how to fix this (don’t know how) or am i just gonna have to break the chain eventually (upsetting!)”

but that is deeply upsetting to think and talk abt so :^)

and i also think a lot abt how i’m 99% sure ********** runs in our family which i guess i’ll have to deal with eventually even tho it doesn’t really. affect me rn. i guess!

let it be known that i do love my parents very much!! i just. have too many thoughts in my head.

also i get nervous throwing terms around bc im scared of being wrong but i genuinely think i have like. adhd and/or depression and/or anxiety and also i think there’s something messy going on with my empathy which is!! also upsetting!!!!

but tbh i have never been more. like. resistant to treatment in my life than i am right now. so i just deal with all of this in my brain.

also i’m kinda just back into my way of “consume the same media over and over and let it just become my whole personality so i can feel like a normal person” except that makes, like, idk “coming back to reality” a bitch bc i have spent the past?? 24/48 hours feeling like i’m on and off floating through space and time

also ik that this will all probably be over in a couple days, idk maybe even tomorrow!!! but for rn i’m just :^)

also me and my best friend were talking today and he said something like “i think everyone has certain things they do that just make them feel bad” and i kinda just nodded along bc i knew that my answer of “well i basically at this point purposely keep a shitty sleep schedule and, even when i wake up at 11am, i basically don’t let myself eat until 4/5pm bc, besides having some things i probably need to unpack, i also find something terribly grounding in feeling shitty” would Not go over well 

also there is no way i am mentally and emotionally ready to go back to school in september, like i say this every year and i think at this point i just need to accept that i’ve wasted away my college years feeling shitty and i will never get this back!!!! which is. fun.

also i’m doing so many things this semester that i don’t want to do bc apparently i care abt what other people want more than i do. for some stupid reason.

also ngl i’ve come to the realization that sometimes my brain is just not a great place to be akjdkjdskj

also i have to do my thesis this semester and i already feel behind and next semester i’m barely gonna get to see my professors/friends except for like one or two days a week so while a part of me literally does not want to step foot on my campus/in a class room bc i am So Not Ready, i also feel like i’m basically gonna have no support that will be tangible to me 

anyways tho i’ve fully brought taz/dnd back into my life so that is always an upside!! and i mean that unironically, like. when in doubt. taz/dnd will give me my serotonin and fantasy escapism that i crave <3

i feel like i could say more but at this point i’m just tired!!! so, to quote adam parrish, “i want to feel awake when my eyes are open”