#dont have enough energy to draw anything for her sadly but still!!!

[haunted-xander]

Happy holidays everyone!!!!! You know what that means!!

[coralstudiies]

SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ‘warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

[rkkyg]

mnet global audition season 5 ( the callback ) 

contestant ;  kim yugyeom ( dancer )  performance ; solita - prettymuch ( original choreo ) [ 0:00 - 1:19 ] 

waiting for any news as to what was going on for the mgas had been a little stress inducing. he wanted to make it, wanted this chance to really get his name out there again. he’s done things already, there was that thing for the kt game back a few months ago. and then he recently had an audition with sphere ( which ended with nothing happening sadly ) so he knows that he’s at least on some radar. 

but what radar is it? 

who’s attention has he caught? or is he still not quiet high enough on the scale to really be noticed. the rader he fell on still being a small one that doesn’t do much for him. he’s not quiet like some of his friends who have been in things where they’re bound to be noticed sooner. he’s not some handsome model, or ex trainee like hyunggu, or even someone who’s been to a lot of auditions and shows.

that means he’s going to have to work harder. 

and he’s fine with that. fine with the idea of needing to work harder if he ever wants to achieve his goals. accepting of the fact that the road ahead, the road he has chosen to be on, is going to be tough. and that it might take a while for him to really get his foot into the door way but that doesn’t mean he was going to give up, not in a long shot. 

yet still, it was hard waiting for any news especially since he was also waiting on the news for hyunggu and news for suwoong. and his other friends. he wanted them to make it in it so them to be on the show together. especially hyunggu. 

just thinking about being on this with his best friend was all kinds of exciting.

he’s always thought about it before. ever since him and hyunggu has become friends, ever since the two of them formed dynamite, and ever since he begun getting to perform with hyunggu near every weekend when they busk. hes thought about it. 

i really want to perform on stage with this guy.

there’s no one he likes performing with more than his best friend. 

an then he received the news. the callback for the first episode, he’d gotten the call back and so had his friends. so had hyunggu. but apparently this didn’t guarantee that he would be on the show. one more audition to try and get onto the show, to make it before the eyes of the judges. now he’s gotten the chance and he wasn’t going to let it go to waist. 

all his free time between getting the callback and the actual day of recording was spent practicing. this time around he wasn’t asking hyunggu for help in making the dance. see, normally he turns to the younger for assistance mainly due to the fact that while yugyeom is a good dancer--hyunggu is a better choreographer. that said, yugyeom is able to choreograph when he wants or needs to and thats exactly what he does. his song of choice was actually one he had been wanting to do a dance to for a while. 

getting going on making a new dance was often hard for him, but after a few hours of mainly fucking around, he ended up with a solid foundation. by the time it was the day of the callback audition he felt confident and comfortable in what he was going to show off on stage. 

the day of he arrives early as he does for most things. yugyeom tending to be rather good at being on time despite how he may seem. he’s planning to meet up with his best friend and the two of them were going to sit together. having heard they could pick seats. so they were going to the right side to meet up and thats what yugyeom did. 

he went to the right side.

wait. 

he’s standing on the side he thinks is right, and happens to spot across the stage a familiar of his best friend. his head spins around and he’s gazing at every one around him a little confused. before--with no hesitation--he turns and books it across to the other side. recognizing that he had gone to the left and not the right. 

“dont say a word.” he mutters as he drops into the chair next to hyunggu. already sensing the judgement and amusement from his friend. and while others are still getting seated he takes the time to look around to see whos near by and if he knows anyone. he spots su--of course, since the other had also run across stage with him--sitting beside him and slaps the others thigh as he spins around to look behind. there’s a lot of faces he doesn’t know, but there’s also a lot he does know. 

he spots joohyun, his old coworker. spots some faces he knows from having watched the last season of mga including the guy behind him. fuck he remembers this guy. 

“ah... kang daniel, long time no see.” he greets almost tensely, as if trying to make it seem as if their one and only meeting hadn’t been an utter disaster. not wanting to cause a scene or issue, he faces front again and his hand finding it’s way to hyunggus knee as he leans in to talk quiet to the other about thoughts on the audition--dance related questions that he always turns to the younger for. as said before, he knows he’s a good dancer--confident in his skills--but hyunggu has more experience. has more technical knowledge. 

soon enough everyone is seated and the show begins. 

it’s interesting actually getting to see all these different performances and seeing the skill sets and talents that the other contestants have. yugyeom watches intently, especially with the dancers, to pick out weakness in anyone. his gaze sharp, and rarely actually looks away from the stage even when leaning in to say something to one of his friends around him. making comments on performances, or the people performing. 

he’s especially critical of the dancers, though most of his comments on been on the constructive criticism side of things. not wanting to seem mean. and also not wanting to be discouraging because it takes guts to step up onto that stage and perform before so many people. 

some of his comments on merely on appearance though... 

“oh... he’s hot--a dancer? damn.” 

“wooow look how pretty her hair is, so shiny. it looks really healthy.”

“that guys legs could kill me and i’d thank him.” 

those comments were mostly saved for his best friend though, leaning over for the younger to hear him and typically grinning after.

then hyunggu gets called, and yugyeoms attention is even more focused on the stage. he leans forward, elbows braced on his knees and fingers laced together as he watches in an almost nervous way as hyunggu makes his way to the stage. his knee bouncing a bit. 

of course he had no reason to be worried. hyunggu performs like he’s meant to be on the stage, dancing and moving around as if he really belongs there and yugyeom finds himself relaxing with each move. his expression turning to one of pure pride and admiration for the younger. and as hyunggu comes over to their side, he’s jumping up with everyone to cheer along. showing his unwavering support for his best friend. 

hyunggu comes back up and then it’s only a few more names before yugyeoms gets called by katie lee. the katie lee. he’s always been interested in kt, having admired lc9 for a long time. and the ceo of said company just said his name. his face morphing into a look of shocked awe, before he realizes he needs to get up and perform. 

“hello i’m kim yugyeom.” he introduces, bowing once he’s on stage and then getting ready to get going on his dance. his fingers tapping at his thigh as the nerves come back, wanting to do good but second guessing himself on the dance.  wondering if he should have chose something else, practiced something else. maybe just have done a cover instead of working on a whole new choreography days before this audition. he thinks, he could have done anything else. 

he swallows. 

focus, yugyeom. 

the music starts.

his nerves wash away. 

he thinks of this as if he were busking--back when he had first started busking and it was important to be good at dancing to draw people. back when he was so desperate for the money given to him from tips that he worked his ass off to really kill the dances he would do. when he was trying to do fan service while also perfecting whatever dance he was covering. 

he thinks of it as how he dances with dynamite. how comfortable and at ease he feels when with the two members of his group, how much fun he has dancing with them. he thinks about how much fun it could be to end up in a company with hyunggu. to be able to keep dancing with his best friend and maybe make it on stage together one day. 

he thinks ah yes, thats the dream. that’s the vision. to be on stage with his best friend. to perform with kang hyunggu. and he feels himself relax. 

the music flows through him as he begins the dance. hours and hours of sweat and frustration to get to this point where he moves through the motions of the dance as if he were born for it. his body so at ease now as he does each move and each step, mouthing along with the words as he goes. he’s in his zone. this is what he wants to be doing. he wants to perform. and doing well here and now is a good first step to getting to perform more. to getting himself onto those big stages.

a plus side of being a busker means his facial expressions are something he’s worked on. he knows some dancers--mainly ones who has only ever dances in studios--forgot to think about their expressions. forget that dancing also needs to expression emotions and if his expression doesn’t match that emotion he could ruin the whole thing. 

he recalls watching hyunggu during practices. when he younger would be showing off a new dance or something but yugyeom was focused on his face and from there he found himself working on his own expressions. working to match the same energy and feeling output that hyunggu has when he dances. wanting to be able to captivate someone with not only his movements but also his feeling. 

he knows that comes from the feeling he tries to portray when he dances. and that expression is important for that. 

he’s very glad his song of choice was an upbeat one. it’s easy enough to keep himself looking hyped. especially when every time he looks to the right of the stage all his stupid friends sitting there get loud as fuck. it makes him grin, and he throws a heart that way at one point, then even gets bold and while looking at hyunggu he throws a kiss. it’s fun. 

this is so much fun, is all he can think as he goes through the dance. feeling the music, feeling the movements. this is so much fun. 

and when the song ends, he’s not ready to be done. 

he breathes in a few times deeply to calm himself--not quiet winded despite the fact he really did put his all in the dance but luckily he’s got stamina going for him--and all he can think he that he’s not ready to be done. 

even as he bows and thanks the judges. 

even as he walks back to his seat, getting high fives and comments from his friends. even as he settles next to hyunggu again and turns with an expectant look to his best friend. 

even then there’s a burn inside. a fire--like a hunger that’s burning inside of him with desire. 

the desire to be on the stage. 

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Qi Flows for Her

Chapter Two

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC x Bucky Barnes  |  Word Count: 5561 Warnings: Swearing

Celine stood on the pinnacle of the pretty bridge, staring out at the beauty of Central Park. Evening was falling, her favourite time of day. Long shadows were beginning to coat the buildings beyond the trees and deepened the ones beneath the foliage. The sound of the water under the bridge soothed her anxiety. The two males with her helped as well.

Peter was full of energy, vitality, and fun. Just like his aura, he bubbled with excitement.

It lifted her spirits.

Bucky, too, took her mind off of the drama which was likely unfolding high above in the tower. One would never know to look at him that he was from a different era. He fit quite well into this one. He laughed and joked with Peter about current sports teams and relevant celebrities. Even with the dark aura which hung around him, he had a soothing presence.

When Peter’s phone rang and he sighed, his aura dimming, she knew he was being called home. The little spider was still in high school and had other obligations. He covered his involvement with the Avengers, and as Spider-Man, by saying he was interning with Tony after having won some sort of scholarship. From what she'd seen of his intelligence, it was a good misdirection.

“It is alright, Peter. I am certain I will be here at least a few days.” If this alliance didn’t work out, she would make sure she got to say goodbye before she left. “Will you do me a favour, little spider?”

“Name it, Celine!”

She touched his cheek. “I would rather people not know about my… preferred food source. Can we keep the vampire comments between us?”

His face fell, the thought sobering, but he nodded. “I understand.”

His emotions rippled through his aura. She could feel his disappointment, both in keeping her secret and in how the others had reacted to her. Cupping his chin, she tilted his face up. “Peter, I am fine.” It wasn’t the first time others had reacted poorly to her.

“It's just… not fair. You’re on our side.”

“Hey, pal.” Bucky laid a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. Steve and I’ll look after Celine and help her fit in. This isn’t going to go there. This ain’t ending up another battle at the airport.”

“Promise?” He looked to Bucky.

Celine frowned, not really understanding the spiking emotions of the two males or the subtle nuances.

“Promise, pal.”

Peter heaved a sigh but smiled and nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you in a few days. If I’m not home in thirty Aunt May is gonna freak.” He took off at a run with a wave.

“Will he make it alright?” Celine asked.

“Parker?” Bucky chuckled. “He’s the web-slinger. He’ll make it.”

Celine leaned back against the edge of the bridge, resting her hands beside her hips. “What did I miss in that exchange?”

He sighed, leaning beside her. “When things went bad after the accords, it split the team. Steve and I were on one side. Peter was on Tony’s. After, when things settled down, and we all made peace, Peter got real attached to Steve. Pretty sure the kid didn’t want to watch the two of them go at it over you, so when he asked to come with…” Bucky shrugged.

Celine brought a hand to her mouth. “I told Charles… I’m not the right choice for this,” she whispered, shaking her head sadly.

“Hey now, it ain’t like that.” His fingers lightly touched the back of her hand.

She looked up to find his eyes full of kindness. “I can't let Wanda in. I can’t, Bucky. There are… things about me which I do not wish to have known. But I am not a danger to your team.”

“Dollface, I know all about people fuckin’ with your head. If you don’t want her running around upstairs, you ain’t gonna hear me protest.”

“Says the man most suspicious of my arrival.”

“Hey! I… that ain’t fair,” he grumbled, eyes twinkling. “I didn’t know you then.”

“You don’t know me now,” she said, pressing away from the railing and sauntering deeper into the park.

“I know no woman in her right mind would wear shoes like that to walk through the park.”

Grinning over her shoulder, she kicked up a foot. “These old things? You’d be surprised what I can do in a pair of stilettos.” There was an intense spike in his libido which she chose to ignore. This was her team now. She wasn’t going to feed on her team no matter how hungry they made her.

Both super soldiers had stirred something inside her with their initial meeting. The first brush of fingers had jolted through her, built a fire, and brought forth her innate sexuality. They made her hungry with so little effort. Sexual desire was not something she’d felt in many years.

It made her flirty. Too flirty. Dialling it back, Celine tucked her hands in her pockets.

His hand closed around her elbow. “Celine, I meant what I said to Peter. You do belong here. Steve and I will make sure the others see that too.”

She blinked at the determination she found in the set of his jaw. “Thank you, Bucky. I have… difficulty adjusting to new environments.”

“You okay, doll? You seem…” He shook his head.

She pulled her arm gently from his hold and walked on. “I have been a freak of nature since I was twelve. It should not surprise me when people fear and abhor me, but it still does. Peter’s easy acceptance, yours, and Steve’s… it’s unsettling. The only others who have been so accepting are Charles, Rogue, and Logan.”

“You ain’t no better or worse than the next person, Celine. Just cause you’re different doesn’t make you a freak.”

She laughed, the sound full of disbelief. “You do not yet understand, but you will. When you see… when you see what I am… and can say those words, mean those words, then perhaps I will believe you.”

“Celine,” he said, voice full of shock and aura full of sadness.

Turning her head, she smiled, but it did not reach her eyes. “It is alright, Bucky. I am used to being alone. If the team chooses to let me stay without demanding to look through my head, I will fight alongside you. But I do not expect you to be comfortable with me. I am not like you.” She motioned with her chin toward the tower. “Steve approaches.” Not yet willing to find out how badly she’d been rejected, Celine walked the other way to sit on a bench far enough from the two soldiers to give them privacy to speak.

***

Bucky had not felt this powerless since his time with Hydra.

Celine, this gorgeous, strong woman, one who sustained her own life off the emotions of others, was so clearly fragile and so deeply scarred he wanted nothing more than to drag her into a hug so tight, she would feel safe and protected for the rest of her life.

What had happened in the tower, that shit couldn’t happen again.

“Steve,” he said when the blond stopped at his side. “You rip Tony a new one?”

“Yeah. He’s really got to stop pulling this stuff,” Steve sighed, rubbing a hand over his mouth.

“He come down off his high horse, or he still demanding Wanda vet Celine?”

“Less of a comedown, more of a knocked off. Wanda won’t do it. I guess can’t do it is more the issue. Celine has shields the likes of which Wanda ain’t ever seen before. She’d barely approached Celine’s mind, and Celine noticed.”

“She belongs here, Steve. I promised Parker we’d look after her.”

Steve’s brow arched. “Weren’t you the one saying you didn’t like this idea?”

“Yeah, well, opinions can change. Celine… she needs us.” He didn’t know how he knew, he just did. “She’s… fragile, pal. For all her power, she’s broken inside. She expects us to work with her but not work with her, ya know? Just ghost along on the outskirts of the team.”

Steve glanced her way, noticing how her eyes were closed, her face tilted to the last rays of the sun. She was, truly, incredibly beautiful. Even here in the park, she was drawing eyes. “What she tell you?”

“Just that the only ones who trusted her were Charles, Rogue, and Logan. The fact that you, me, and Peter didn’t bat an eye threw her. She’s apparently used to being alone.”

“What?” Steve couldn’t believe it.

Bucky shrugged. “No matter what happens on this next mission, whatever she reveals herself as, we can’t let it phase us. I got a weird feeling, a gut feeling. She needs us.” His gut feelings back in the day used to be the ones that kept them out of the worst spots of trouble.

“I’m with you, pal.”

“You’d better be, punk.”

They smirked at each other before heading for Celine.

“So, it appears I am not banished from the team after all,” she called out once they were closer.

“Nah, you ain’t getting rid of us that easy.” She opened her eyes once they stood before her, and Bucky had his breath catch. “C’mon. You said you like food. It’s nearly dinner time, and Wanda was cooking tonight.”

She took his outstretched hand. The same jolt from the contact raced up his arm as before when he tugged her to her feet.

“What is the catch, Steve?” she asked once she was upright.

“How do you keep…?” He shook his head, a wry smile spreading across his lips. “Shoot. Am I that easy to read?”

“Like a book, Cap,” she chuckled. “You must be rubbish at poker.”

“Rubbish?” Bucky snickered.

Celine shrugged. “Charles is rather English. Some of his lingo stuck. It means Steve must suck something fierce at cards.”

“Hey, now! I’m not that bad!” the blond super soldier protested.

“Yeah, you are,” Bucky laughed.

“Big jerk.”

“Scrawny punk!”

Celine snickered. “How is this,” she flicked her hand like a game show hostess down Steve’s chest, “scrawny?”

“He was smaller than a flea before he let the Army jack him full of steroids,” Bucky said. “Thought I told you not to do anything stupid?”

“And I told you, you took all the stupid with you. There was no stupid left. Therefore what I did was patriotic.”

She burst out laughing as they crossed the street. “Are you two always like this?”

“Yes,” they said together.

Celine continued to laugh as she turned away from the main doors to the tower.

“That’s the wrong way,” Bucky called out.

She threw a grin over her shoulder. “As I have two such strong men at my disposal, why not get assistance with my luggage?”

Her walk had a distinct tone of sass to it Bucky preferred to the sadness she’d walked in earlier. He glanced at Steve and muttered, “I feel played. Do you feel played?”

“Don’t hate the player!” Celine called as she entered the parking garage.

Squealing tires had Bucky and Steve looking to the left, but Celine was already striding toward her car and never saw him coming until the lights from the speeding vehicle blinded her. She threw up her arms, and her power burst to life around her, but not soon enough to stop the speeding truck from slamming into her side and throwing her through the air.

“Celine!” Bucky and Steve yelled, racing toward her.

“Shit! I’m so sorry!” The driver was out of his vehicle, cellphone in hand.

Ignoring him for the moment, Steve and Bucky knelt to either side of the crumpled form of Celine. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she groaned.

“Doll? You okay? Just lie still. We’ll get some help.” Bucky pressed his hand gingerly down on her shoulder.

“I’m fine,” she said, batting at his hand.

“You just got hit by a truck! You ain’t fine.” Steve glared at the man who was continuing to babble about not seeing her and the coffee he’d spilled in his lap had distracted him.

“Bucky. Steve, I’m fine,” she reiterated, sitting up against Bucky’s pressing hand. “Just help me up.”

They both gaped at her before each took a hand and lifted her gingerly to her feet.

“Broke my favourite pair of shoes,” she muttered.

“That’s it?” Bucky gasped. “A shoe? You got hit by a truck, and it broke your shoe?”

She blinked at him. “Um… yes?”

“Jesus!” He threw up his hands, turned toward the driver and pointed. “Get the fuck out of here, and slow the fuck down!” The man was one he recognized from the tower, though Bucky wasn’t sure which department he was in. “You’re damn lucky she’s enhanced our you likely would have killed her!”

“Yes, sir!” the man scrambled to obey. “I’m really sorry, ma’am!” he shouted as he got in his truck and practically crawled out of the building.

Celine’s knees wobbled, and Steve grabbed her around the waist. “You sure you’re okay? We should let Bruce check you out.”

She patted his shoulders and pulled away. “Totally fine, promise. I’ve been hit with worse, and far harder.” She walked away, stopping only to take her shoes off and place them in a garbage can.

She got three inches shorter, and Bucky could have groaned. There was nothing better in his opinion than a woman with curves who would fit nicely beneath his chin. Celine checked all those boxes. From the look on Steve’s face, he wasn’t the only one who thought so.

She popped the trunk on her nearby car, pulled out two large suitcases and a third smaller one. From inside that one, she tugged a new pair of shoes.

“Do not tell us that one is just shoes.”

She glanced at Steve and smiled a secret smile but didn’t reply as she brushed off her feet and slipped into the new, shorter set of heels. Her pants had torn at the thigh, giving Bucky a flash of delicate flesh, and the back of her jacket was dirty, but she looked relatively unscathed for someone who’d taken a licking by a pick-up truck. “What’s not in your file, Celine?”

Her grip on the strap of the smaller suitcase she’d placed on her shoulder tightened. “Because I channel chi as I do, I am stronger, faster, and can hear better than your average human. I also… live longer.”

“How can you be certain?” Steve asked.

“I have not aged in twenty years.”

“What?” Bucky asked, stunned.

She simply shrugged. “I do not know how it works, or if I will age, or when. But I am very hard to injure.”

The two soldiers exchanged wry smiles. “Shit, doll. You’re more like us than we realized.”

“Except for the whole not needing to eat thing. I’m starving,” Steve chuckled, grabbing up one suitcase.

Bucky took the other. “Me too.”

“I could eat.” She blushed when they both looked at her. “Um, real food. I won’t need to feed for a few days.”

“We should have a mission by then. That work for you?” Steve asked.

Bucky watched something, a flicker of emotion he couldn’t place, spark in her eyes before she hid them behind her lashes.

“Yes, that will be fine.” Celine nodded, shut the trunk of her car, and followed them to the lobby entrance.

***

She stood within the confines of her suite of rooms and blinked in shock. “Here? This is… here?”

“What? Not up to X-men standards?” Bucky teased.

“We’ll have to tell Tony there’s something better somewhere else.” Steve chuckled.

Horrified, Celine shook her head and walked deeper into the sitting room. “No! That isn't what I meant at all! When I still lived at the Manor, we each have a room, but this is…” She ran out of words and just waved a limp hand.

The main space consisted of a seating area with couches, chairs, and an entertainment center. The wall across from her was all windows with a glass topped desk taking in the view of New York. There was a small kitchenette off to one side, a half fridge, sink, and cabinets. Through the open door, she caught a glimpse of a wide white bed, thick and plush and piled with pillows. A woman would feel like a Queen sleeping among the cloudlike softness promised in all that plush.

Gliding toward the windows, she let her case of shoes fall from her shoulder with a small thump. The walls were decorated in soothing colours. Paintings by various impressionist artists, ones she’d always adored hung around the room. She wondered briefly if Charles had made mention of her preference as it was something he would do.

She touched the soft cotton sheer which hung against the window. “It’s more than I expected.” Celine turned and smiled at the two soldiers standing together across the room. They exchanged a glance, one which she couldn’t decipher before two sets of stunning blue eyes returned to assess her.

“You want to change before dinner, Celine? You’re a bit… mussed.” Steve rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, a light blush of colour rising in his cheeks.

It hit her as being one of the most adorable things she’d ever seen. The big, strong soldier turning shy on her. She nodded, and they moved together before she could say any more to take her cases into the bedroom where she watched them toss them on the bed like they weighed nothing. The action caused the flare of desire to hit her a third time. Their strength was highly attractive.

When her hair fell forward over her shoulder, she glanced at it, noticed the way it was beginning to go from straight to wavy, and took a firm grip on her libido.

Working with these two could prove to be difficult.

She focused on her breathing, calming her rising sensuality and dialled back on her appeal until the wave fell out of her hair. When she looked up, she found them watching her. “What?”

“Something wrong?” Bucky asked.

She took the shades which still rode her head out of her hair and tilted her chin up as she set them on the dresser. “Not that I am aware of. If you gentlemen will excuse me.” She motioned toward the door.

They exchanged another one of those looks before they left, shutting her in the room alone. Clearly, they knew each other very well as that silent form of communication was powerful. Their auras fluctuated in concert with one another, showing deep friendship and loyalty. Steve and Bucky were brothers in the truest sense of the word. Related by blood or not, they were bound together at the deepest level. She’d only ever seen such connection in twins.

Celine walked gingerly across the room, proud of herself for holding it together as well as she had been. She wasn’t fine after getting hit by the truck. She had expended an enormous amount of energy to keep herself safe, but she hadn’t been fast enough. She had lied when she’d said she didn’t need to feed for a few days. She needed to feed now and eating with the team would do nothing but prolong her agony. Tonight, she needed to get out. Hunt. Appease the pain in her middle before anyone noticed.

Opening her case, she pulled out a loose, emerald green dress, stripped off her clothes, and walked naked into the bathroom where she lifted her hair and turned to see her back. Bruises ran the length of her spine and more covered her hip where the truck had connected. “Fuck,” she hissed softly, aware of the powerful ears of the super soldiers beyond the door. This was not good.

Celine pulled the sundress over her head. It floated down around her. Its handkerchief hem swirling in points about her calves. Spaghetti straps held it up, the silk clinging to her curves and highlighting her breasts and returned to the bedroom for a short-sleeved sweater. It didn’t seem to matter what she wore, everything screamed sex due to her nature, but the light cardigan adequately covered the bruises on her upper back. Still, she left her hair down, adding another layer of protection to make it through the next few hours.

Before opening the door, she knelt to the floor and pressed her hand to the carpet, allowing her consciousness to flow down. She sought out anyone nearby she could extract a little chi from to get through dinner, but there was no one close enough except for those upon this floor. The building fairly hummed with life, but there were too many floors between her and them.

Gritting her teeth, Celine pushed to her feet, pasted on a smile, and walked out of the bedroom. She would do dinner, show no weakness, then see about getting out of here for a few hours.

***

Dinner had been far harder than she'd expected. Especially as she never did get to eat.

Wanda had pulled her aside the moment the three of them appeared, apologizing profusely for her part in what had happened. The contrition and guilt in the Scarlet Witch’s aura proved her words true.

Celine had accepted graciously, assuring Wanda there were no hard feelings. She was merely doing what had been asked of her.

Bruce had approached afterward, having heard from Steve and Bucky about her run-in with the truck. He'd bombarded her with questions, getting rather intense as his excitement in her uniqueness grew.

She was saved by, of all people, Stark, who took her by the elbow and overrode every protest Bruce made.

Tony had tugged her across the room, seating her at the bar where he'd flirted, being both contrite and condescending, his emotions and aura showing what he really felt for her. He was wary. He didn't trust she wasn't there to cause problems. He wasn't sure this alliance would work or was a good idea. And, though he looked at her and lusted, she was inhuman, the term the Avengers had been using for a mutant.

How right he was.

She was inhuman. So far removed from humanity they had now become her food source.

When he grew even more intense than Bruce had been, his snide, backhanded compliments beginning to sting, Celine lightly placed her hand on his, leaned forward and turned on her appeal. “I find you to be a highly condescending, swine of a man. As an empath, it is impossible to lie to me. Your false compliments and fake apology leave a foul taste in my mouth. You do not like, nor trust me. Fine. I am here at the request of Charles. His wishes mean far more to me than yours. You do not wish to take my word for it, but I mean this team no harm. I am here to work with you, but if you continue to work against me, I will not hesitate to knock you on your ass… Iron Man.”

He’d blinked a few times when the fog of lust she’d built around him evaporated, and the words she’d spoken registered. Then, surprisingly, he’d laughed. What negative emotions had warred in his aura changed, and the suspicion disappeared.

“About time you stood up for yourself.” He’d patted her hand and walked away, leaving her seat at the bar in shock.

It had been a test. How in the hell had he managed to make his aura appear so…? Her eyes drifted to the Scarlet Witch.

Wanda looked very guilty.

Rising from the bar stool, Celine stalked through the exterior doors. She was livid! They couldn’t probe her mind, so they devised another test to see if she was what she claimed to be.

How quaint! How contrite! How.... ingenious.

She couldn't stay mad when it truly had been a brilliant bit of manipulation and sighed when she walked to the railing to look out over the dark city. All the life which flowed below called to her. She could practically taste it.

“Natasha,” Celine murmured, not bothering to look at the woman who sidled up beside her.

The redhead studied her for a long moment. “What are you?”

Celine cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

“An Energy Vampire you said, but what you just did to Tony had nothing to do with chi.”

Observant. Spy.

Celine blinked slowly, continuing to hold the muted green gaze of the woman. “He was being rude. I simply set him straight.”

Her brow arched, disbelief coating her features. “Can you mesmerize people like in the vampire legends?”

Celine closed both hands over the guardrail. “Not in the way you are thinking.” She could alter memories of herself for those she'd fed on, and she could whip them into such a frenzied need, such a pool of lust they would walk off the edge of the building if she commanded it, but she could not take over their mind with a look. Once she let them go, their mind was theirs again.

Natasha stepped closer, the suspicion on her turning her aura into a beacon of red, blue, and yellow pulsing light.

Hunger had Celine’s hands clenching.

“I’m telling you right now, you do anything to endanger this team, I’ll gut you like a fish.”

“You are welcome to try, Widow, but you do not yet know who you are up against,” Celine warned.

“Why don’t you tell me then?” The muted green had turned harsh, challenging.

Celine hated being challenged. She knew exactly who she was, but if the Widow was so curious... “My name is Celine Ena. It was given to me by Charles when I was fifteen. It means fiery moon for darkness is my bedmate and the fire of chi my lifeblood.” Her skin began to glow, shimmer with her power as her hair began to curl. “Energy vampire was the moniker give me by the children I grew up with when their fear of me became great.” Natasha’s eyes widened, and Celine knew hers had begun to glimmer and spark with gold as the amber lightened in her irises. “But my chosen name, my X-men name, is known only to a select few.” Leaning down, she whispered near Natasha’s ear.

The redhead stumbled back away from her, and Celine straightened slowly.

“You hurt anyone on this team…” Natasha trailed off.

“Why would I hurt my own team? I have already told you, I do not feed on teammates. Steve, Bucky, and Peter have been most welcoming and kind.”

“And the rest of us?”

“You have shown me only fear and distrust. I will do my job, be here, work as part of this team, but I cannot change the minds of those who see me only as a monster. Who look at me with hate and disgust as you currently do. I am what I am. I had no choice in the matter. Yet, you would see me caged and collared because of something which was not my doing.” Celine sighed. “It matters not. I am here, and until Charles calls me home, I will stay.” She walked away, heading around the side of the building.

“Where are you going?” Natasha called.

“I require a walk. I do not require food.” And she was done dealing with people who saw her as a threat, or an experiment, or a challenge.

“You can’t leave.”

She jerked to a stop and peered through narrowed eyes over her shoulder. “Excuse me?”

“Didn’t Steve tell you? It was the deal made. You won’t let Wanda vet you, you have to stay where we can keep an eye on you. You’re on house arrest, Celine, until we’re satisfied we can trust you.”

She slowly closed her fists. Here, now, was the catch Steve had, indeed, failed to mention. What the hell was she going to do? “I see.” Celine headed back through the doors to the interior of the building and straight for the elevator.

“Celine?” Steve called out, jogging over with a smile on his face. “Where are you going?”

“As I’m being treated like a teenager, I thought I would go sulk in my room like one,” she snapped.

He had the decency to flinch. “Yeah, sorry about that. I meant to tell you, but… stuff happened.”

She shook her head. “I will not say it is fine. It isn’t. You treat me like an enemy. The fox who has snuck into the hen house. I mean none of you harm, yet you persist in testing me, probing at me, treating me as a thing to be mistrusted. I am a person, no matter how much my mutation has taken from me!” When he tried to take her arm, she jerked away, raked her gaze over the group in general, and walked out, getting on the elevator to return to her room.

Only once the doors closed did she lean against the wall and allow the single, heart-wrenching sob to slip from her lips. “Why, Charles? Why did you have to send... me?”

She was so tired of being hated and feared and loathed.

So very tired.

***

Bucky stormed over to Steve. “What the fuck just happened?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure as hell going to find out.” Steve glared at Natasha as he stomped across the room. “What did you say to her?”

She didn’t even twitch in the face of his rage. “Standard greeting.”

“In other words, you threatened her. God damn it, Natasha!” Steve barked. “We’re trying to improve relations, not start a war!”

Her face closed down. “I’m not the one you need to be concerned with!”

“Celine is part of this team!”

“She shouldn’t be!” Natasha snarled.

Stunned, Steve took an involuntary step back. “Since when did you become so cynical?”

“Since I found out who she really is!” She pushed past Steve to look at the rest of them. “We should be sending her packing with a thanks, no thanks, back to Xavier.”

“Natalia! What the fuck’s wrong with you? Celine is nice. At least give her a chance,” Bucky stated.

She sneered at him. “You don’t get it.”

“Don’t get what?” asked Steve.

“She’s not just a Qi Manipulator or an Energy Vampire. She’s so much more, and you two are letting her live in the lion’s den!”

“Natalia, ob"yasnis'!” Bucky snapped.

“Explain myself? Sure, Barnes. I’ll explain myself. She’s the one they call Styx!”

The only one to react was Clint who sat straight up. “She’s Styx?”

“What is a Sticks?” asked Thor.

A frustrated growl left Nat’s chest. “None of you read the files on the X-men, did you?”

“I read it, but I don’t remember a Sticks,” Bucky grumbled.

“Nor I,” said Wanda.

“Styx, like the river goddess of ancient Greek mythology. The mutant whose moniker is denoted by that name is said to be called this name because all life flows through her. She is, essentially, the gateway to the afterlife.” Vision recited.

“That’s it?” Steve asked.

“Styx has remained a mystery for most of her existence as an X-men. She prefers to work alone, under cover of darkness. It is said only that she can sweep a building within minutes, leaving behind severely weakened or dead agents in her wake. It is said she can look at a man and see his life, his soul, then she chooses. Life… or death.”

“Cool.”

They all turned to look at Scott.

“What?” he shrugged a shoulder. “If she’s so powerful, isn’t it better to have her on our side instead of against it?”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Sam sighed, shaking his head, “but the bug is right. She seems nice enough, maybe a little cool, but we haven’t exactly been welcoming either.”

“She’s lonely.” Wanda looked away when all eyes swung to her. “I could pick up her emotions a little when she was speaking with Tony.”

“Wanda’s right. Celine expected us to turn on her. It’s what everyone does. She said as much when she was with Peter and me in the park. This shit right here,” Bucky motioned to the room, “is fucked up. We’re supposed to a team, but all some of you have done is make her feel like shit. Well done.” Turning on his heel, Bucky walked away.

“Someone’s smitten,” Natasha snorted.

“Nat,” Steve said, waiting for her to look at him. “You’re acting like a bitch.” Her eyes widened as the others gasped. “You got issues? You got insecurities? You got a problem with her being here? Then solve it, because Celine is going to be here for the foreseeable future. Xavier wants this to work, I want this to work, and Stark you were pushing for it too. Stop testing her!” He glared at Tony.

“I’d just feel better if Wanda could…” Tony sighed, flicking a wrist in dismissal. “I’ll fix it.”

“Good.” Steve looked around the room at all the contrite faces. “She’s here. She’s staying. Get it together.” Without another word, he followed Bucky out of the room.  

Next Chapter

[irregulardiaryposts]

15:58 13/11/2021

im bored

with life

with everything

why am i so demotivated

why do i have such little energy to do things

the only times of the day i look forward to is going home and eating food

i keep making food even when im not hungry becuase im bored

but nothing really fills me up

this has started really sadly but in all fairness i am listening to mitski.

update time i suppose: im in uni now, i dont remember the last time i wrote but i know i havent since starting uni. i was soooo bored before starting uni i think i wouldve rathered a job than sitting around doing nothing, and i hate the idea of having a job. then i was really anxious about staring uni coz i didnt go to freshers week so i didnt know the area at all and i didnt know anyome and i hadnt interacted with people in such a long time i didnt know how to talk to strangers. i still dont, i feel so out of touch with everyone. if i were to describe how i feel i would say lonely but in truth not much has changed, so maybe ive always been lonely. i just dont notice it at this point. theres no excitement in my life but i feel there should be. i just cant connect with strangers, i dont know how to talk, idk if what im saying to them is relevant or makes any sense or if im just the weirdo that doesnt understand how to speak. but i also dont think id like the opposite, i dont think ill ever have many friends, proper friends. i only really have one person that i can be myself with but i dont see her much. im supposed to want to go out to clubs and make loads of friends and have new experiences but i feel so restricted and that i cannot do any of those things coz of my age and that i dont think im the type of person anyone would invite to those things. unis a new experience but its the same as school, im surrounded by people i feel i cant really talk to without ostracizing myself, im overwhelmed with the workload because i cannot focus enough to do it and i feel so different from everyone else. except this time i dont really have friends to laugh with over lunch. i keep everything bottled now and i feel it sitting heavy within me. im uninterested in my life, im not even depressed coz i can still function 'normally' but i feel like a robot not really experiencing anything. i want more hobbies but that costs money i dont have. i want to draw and paint but i cannot put any energy into finishing things, or i get distracted, or bored by it. i want to watch more stuff, have things im interested in and keep up with but that takes up so much effort. i still read i guess just not books because theyre too much work. but even that is unfulfilling. how do people go through life feeling like this. i went to a halloween party but ultimately that bored me too because the people were boring so i drank too much and ignored people to play mariokart. why are other people so boring, is it just i cant connect with them enough to see how they arent boring? do i demand too much of them to ask them to be interesting? that sounds kinda terrible. im too independent to the point i am isolated from everyone else. this is just me wallowing in my misery this isnt even a good update. i dont know what i want out of life and it weighs on me. i know i dont have to have it figured out but its hard not having a goal or any wants in life. i was gonna say i want a gf but that wouldnt fix anything. i just want to be understood and have friends, genuine friends, but idk who would wanna be friends with the person i pretend to be. but the 'real' me is too much. how do i be in between. how can i be enough but not too much. i try to romanticise my life sometimes but i know thats because im woefully bored with existence.

bleugh bluh bleh blaugh bahbahabwefbhhbfwjh

byebye

[gulescamisade]

Mega Texas:  Day 11

ARADIA: -she's humming something to herself while they are traveling and writing something down in a notebook-

SOLLUX: -He's been pretty out of it a large portion of this trip, but the sound of Aradia's voice rouses him from a fitful sleep, and it's a fair bit more soothing than half-assed rest. He finds himself drifting a little awkwardly through the aisle to drop down in the seat next to her, leaning his head on her shoulder.-

ARADIA: -pats his head- hi

ARADIA: whats up?(edited)

SOLLUX: mmh.

SOLLUX: can't sleep.

ARADIA: -gentle pets- what are you thinking about

SOLLUX: dunn0.

SOLLUX: feel like there's t00 much t0 think ab0ut. s0 maybe i'm n0t trying t0.

DIRK: -he's pretending to be napping, but to be fair he was definitely making an effort. when sollux slinked away it became impossible to try, so he's just kinda curled up in a seat now, eavesdropping.-

ARADIA: that makes sense but

ARADIA: trying not to just makes you think about it

SOLLUX: d0n't underestimate my ability t0 run fr0m my th0ughts. -snort-

ARADIA: i exactimate

SOLLUX: what is that a new 0ffice supply?

ARADIA: how did you know

SOLLUX: gl0bal marketing pl0ys are all the same.

ARADIA: damn

ARADIA: -pauses a little- hey

ARADIA: i saw her

SOLLUX: what?

ARADIA: i saw her

SOLLUX: i heard that part.

SOLLUX: what d0 y0u mean?

ARADIA: with feferi

SOLLUX: ...

ARADIA: wait

ARADIA: -checks her com-

ARADIA: ok we are good

ARADIA: anyway

ARADIA: you know where i go when im asleep

ARADIA: now i can go into dreams where some souls of the dead are stored

DIRK: -listening to this is making him too anxious. he gets up and makes a bee line for the bathroom again. hello darkness my old friend...-

SOLLUX: ... 0kay.

ARADIA: she wanted me to tell you something in particular

ARADIA: maybe it will help

SOLLUX: ... -He can't think of anything to say, now. He's just quiet, waiting.-

ARADIA: she told me to tell you

ARADIA: she said dont worry

ARADIA: and she will find her way back to you

ARADIA: she said she promises

SOLLUX: .... heh.

SOLLUX: -It's just one noise, and then after a long moment he sort of shifts against her, sitting up again and leaning his head back against his seat.-

SOLLUX: yeah.

SOLLUX: she w0uld.

ARADIA: we are pretty good at coming back

SOLLUX: yeah we are.

SOLLUX: ... -He takes a deep breath and exhales it slow, and then his hand slides over, searching for hers.-

ARADIA: -she holds his hand tightly so he doesn't have to look for long-

SOLLUX: -It's in that moment when she finds him -- when he doesn't have to keep looking -- that everything stings behind where his eyes would have been, and his throat is too tight, his teeth clenching. There's something crawling up through the tight space left where he should have been breathing and it's strained, a sound that's bare, too many years in the making. Losing people doesn't really get easier, does it?-

ARADIA: -sadly not. she moves to use her other harm to just hug him. words can't really do justice here. he heard what he needs to hear, and the rest is just being there. existing. sitting in the sadness and loss and grief of another person while acknowledging that you don't have access to the fix-

---

DIRK: -eventually he emerges from the bathroom again, but he doesn't feel any less anxious. it's only gotten to a point where being in the bathroom is now making him kind of anxious and claustrophobic. fun...-

ARADIA: -watches him as he leaves from her spot on the floor- hey

DIRK: -eyeballs her- Hey. -slides into a seat... then stands up again.-

ARADIA: -watches him sit and then stand- do you have to go again

DIRK: No.

DIRK: I just don't wanna sit.

DIRK: ... -steps around her so he can pace-

ARADIA: ok

ARADIA: -looks up at him still- you can get your steps in

DIRK: Thanks bro. I don't wanna get all flabby.

DIRK: -pacing pacing... running his hand over his forehead-- an unfortunate tick when he's got stitches there.- Ow. -hhhh. paces FASTER.-

ARADIA: do you

ARADIA: want to talk

DIRK: Not really.

DIRK: I know you aren't asking so much as suggesting. Or maybe you are. Who knows.

DIRK: Under most circumstances this is where Roxy or Rose or Dave would corner me like dude we're talking this out right now before you wear a hole in the floor.

DIRK: But nah. I don't want to talk.

SOLLUX: that's ab0ut the answer i was expecting.

SOLLUX: -commentary from the seats-

ARADIA: -keeps watching him- you want to pace

DIRK: Well, there you go.

DIRK: Everyone here knows how much I want to obsessively drag myself across this aisle. Thank you for honoring that.

SOLLUX: y0u're welc0me. -it's not to him but HES TALKING ANYWAY-

ARADIA: whatever human marriage is it worked out well for you

ARADIA: considering i heard double the amount of sarcasm i usually do in one sentence

SOLLUX: i'm t00 tired t0 pretend like this wh0le scenari0 isn't bullshit. at least s0meb0dy has the energy t0 pace.

DIRK: Luckily I always have spare energy in what I like to refer to as my insanity reserves.

DIRK: -stops pacing, instead just clenching and unclenching his fists. he wishes he had something to do with his hands, that'd be a better distraction.-

ARADIA: i like that name

ARADIA: it sounds like it could be a rock band

DISCIPLE: -UNCATS from one of the overhead compartments, slinking over and stretches her back.-

DISCIPLE: She has something for this.

DISCIPLE: -wrapping some Big Furred Kiton Mittonz around her hands, carefully.-

DIRK: ...

DISCIPLE: -HOLDS UP HER PAWS like a boxing trainer.-

DISCIPLE: Hit.

ARADIA: what a great idea

DIRK: -he seems to hesitate, but ultimately draws in close enough to raise his fists. they're a little scabbed over from the other day, but he doesn't really care about that. he takes a swing... shaking out some of the pain in his hand. and then he takes another. before long he's getting into a rhythm, and trying not to hit too hard.-

DISCIPLE: -BAT BAT BAT. She is a sturdy cat, taking the punches. At least the paws are relatively soft.-

DISCIPLE: This vehicle. She thinks it is growing too small.

DISCIPLE: The body does not like such small places, no.

DIRK: Right.

DIRK: There's a whole goddamn universe out there just beckoning to me.

DIRK: Where my loved ones are locked up. -punch.- Being tortured. -punch.- Dying. -PUNCH.-

DIRK: And here I am, stuck on this fucking plane. Wallowing over my own shitty decisions.

DIRK: Can't even think straight long enough to come up with some kind of plan.

DIRK: I'm supposed to-- -starts slowing down-

DIRK: Someone has to fix this. Someone needs to... help everyone.

DIRK: It's not me. -looks at his hands, turning them around a couple times. his knuckles are bleeding a little again.-

DISCIPLE: -She lowers her punchy paws, going instead for some fabric to wrap up his bloody knuckles, if he allows it.-

DIRK: -he lets her. he's finally too tired at that point to object.-

DISCIPLE: -she lets out a small chirp, tying off the fabric and petting his hand.-

DISCIPLE: She felt this way.

DISCIPLE: When they were caged.

DISCIPLE: She could not stand to look at the doors, sealed and locked tight. She beat herself against the walls.

DISCIPLE: -She lowers her head.- It was a terrible cage. It is a terrible cage. She is sorry again.

ARADIA: -listening politely. disciple has it handled but aradia is still supporting him-

DIRK: -nods slowly, sniffing. he hates that he keeps coming unhinged, and worse yet, that he can't express how grateful he is that someone is always around to put him back together.- Thanks... Again.

DIRK: -quietly moves to find a seat with sollux.-

DISCIPLE: -STRETCHES A LITTLE MORE AND SQUIRMS, climbing back up into the overhead compartment.-

ARADIA: -looks up at sollux and dirk. so fucking adorable. she's just going to lay on her back, deep in thought-

DIRK: -he is cute when he's sucumbing to deep hopelessness... it's true. he has such big sad eyes.-

DIRK: -leans on sollux whether he likes it or not.-

ARADIA: -looks at dirk from this vantage point and smiles at him-