#dont feel like reviewing any more tonight

[redrobin-detective]

Cloudmates

Zuko had felt alone most of his life.

He didn’t have many friends growing up in the palace, mostly leeching off the ones Azula brought home from school. Azula was a nightmare to talk to, you never knew what she was thinking and every word was a potential weapon in her arsenal. Father certainly didn’t make him feel like he belonged. Even Uncle, for all his patience and kindness, sometimes seemed to look past Zuko, to the man he could be rather than the scared kid he was. Mother had been the only one who seemed to truly see Zuko. The best parts of his childhood were spent describing whatever interest of the moment he had while his mother combed his hair and encouraged him to continue. He’d never felt more comfortable, happy and free as he had in those small, simple moments. Once she left, there really wasn't anyone Zuko felt comfortable being himself with. 

Even when his father made him the most recognizable person in the world, Zuko had never felt more invisible. He dug into the hurt of his wounds, both physical and emotional, and put up the front everyone was expecting of the banished prince on an impossible mission. He felt like an actor in a play, playing a part he hadn’t rehearsed and wasn’t prepared for. The more he tried to mold himself into the kind of prince his father wanted of him, the more he wanted to claw out of his own skin. 

Leaving the Fire Nation and joining the Avatar wasn’t supposed to change anything. He felt more settled, more sure that he was finally on the right path but he still felt like a puppet in someone else’s story. Zuko was prepared to do his duty to the world by training the Avatar before retreating back to solitude. He wasn’t prepared for Sokka.

It started with swords. Sokka had been incredibly unsubtle in his admiration of them from the moment Zuko had joined the group. He’d probably thought the blades had just been for show and thought it would be funny to see an ashmaker clumsily try to use them. Zuko will admit to a bit of cruel satisfaction when he thoroughly trounced Sokka in their spar. The feeling didn’t last, it made him feel too much like Azula. Luckily, Sokka didn’t take the loss badly. In fact, he looked downright ecstatic. 

From that point on, it wasn’t unusual to see Sokka eagerly bouncing on the sidelines as he waited for Aang’s firebending lessons to conclude. Zuko thought he would be annoyed at the intrusion on his time but instead he found himself almost looking forward to it. And if he ended Aang’s training early a few times, well, he doubted the young monk was bothered by it.

Working together and almost dying at the Boiling Rock was what really cemented their relationship. Now it wasn’t just swords, Sokka seemed to come to him for everything. They talked constantly, about anything and everything. Zuko thinks he spoke more over a few days in that temple than he ever did in his weeks back at the palace. Just when he’d thought he’d run out of words or opinions, Sokka would ask another question and more would pour out. 

The water tribe boy was creative and filled with ideas from the bombastic to the mundane. Zuko was a living furnace, stubborn and was pretty decent at physics and calculations. It didn’t take long for them to start supplementing their discussions with tools and inventions. He’d always done things for grand purposes, the idea of just fiddling with pieces of junk while talking seemed an insane waste of time. Zuko loved it.

When he was with Sokka, Zuko felt both smarter and more stupid than he’d ever been. The best part was he didn’t even care which was which.

“We’re - I’m so, so sorry,” Zuko apologized, shaking and fully prepared to beg for mercy on his hands and knees. Sokka was still partially stuck to the wall as Aang and Toph tried to free him, leaving Zuko the unenviable task of preventing Katara from killing them. Katara had gotten more lenient of him since he’d first joined but he didn’t want to test his luck. She was frowning, her lips pressed tightly together as she tried using her bending to pull at the sticky tangle of goop he and Sokka had made out of her hair. To be honest, in the later half of the experiment, he’d plain forgotten what it had been for in the first place.

“You-” she snapped before taking a deep breath and calming herself. “It’s fine,” she said through gritted teeth that said nothing about the situation was fine. “I know this is mostly Sokka’s handiwork. I’ve had to deal with his nonsense my whole life, you’re just helping make the explosions bigger.”

Zuko winced as Katara turned herself away from him. “You know, Sokka has been the oldest boy in our tribe for years since our men went to war. Plus Sokka has always been a bit, well, you know how he is. Until we left the South Pole, he’d never really had any other guys his age to do his weird things with.”

“What about Aang?” Zuko blinked, confused by the non sequitur. Was he going to be made into an ice kabob or not? He needed to ask Sokka what they’d been making before he could die.

“Oh Sokka loves Aang but Aang isn’t going to help him use my best cooking pot to make some sort of spirit blasted nightmare goo,” Katara sighed roughly. “You're off the hook today, just keep my idiot brother safe and please try to tone down, whatever it is you two are always getting up to.”

Zuko didn’t understand the interaction. He asked Sokka about it who also didn’t seem to understand it. They talked at length, again, about crazy prodigy younger sisters. Then Sokka started questioning where they went wrong with their concoction. They sat and worked through the problem until Angi’s blessing could be seen cresting over the horizon.

All too soon, the comet was upon them and the war was over. Zuko knows it was incredibly, horribly selfish of him to say that he wished it could have gone on just a little bit longer. For the first time he had friends; he felt safe and seen in their company. There had never been someone like Sokka in his life - not since his mother - but he wouldn’t dream of talking to mom about some of the things he’d told Sokka. 

Zuko had whispered to the other boy his deepest fears, his regrets, the sources of his shame and pain. He’d told stories he’d never spoken aloud and it was like purging his body of poison, painful but necessary. Zuko had presented all of his weaknesses on a platter for Sokka to abuse and instead got understanding, some very angry tears on his behalf and trust to hold Sokka’s own secrets. It felt so freeing to place so much of himself in another person’s hands and to have it be protected instead of broken. 

The first week after the comet was filled with joy and anxiety as they celebrated a world without war while also struggling to actually end the war. He worked tirelessly during the day, sending out letters and pulling back troops and letting Katara heal him at night. Throughout everything, his friends were always close at hand. It was the most peace Zuko had ever felt in his entire life. He could have lived in those small moments forever. If he’d known it could be like this, he’d have defected the first moment he’d landed at the South Pole. 

Of course, nothing good ever stayed for long with Zuko. Aang had Avatar duties, Toph was obligated to see her parents and the Water Tribe siblings needed to get back to their slowly rebuilding tribe. Zuko’s heart ached at the thought of seeing them leave, of being alone again. He loved them all in their own way but Zuko could admit that he would miss Sokka most of all. Besides Uncle, he was probably Zuko’s most treasured person. 

On the morning they were planning to leave, Zuko was walking down the long hallways of his empty palace. He was bracing himself for the pain and loneliness that was to come. He should have known better than to get attached but he had always been a slow learner. His main goal was to avoid crying until after they were airborne. 

“Hey Fire Lord Jerkbender,” Sokka grinned, flinging an arm around Zuko’s shoulder. He still wasn’t all that used to friendly touch but Sokka always seemed to be the exception. He leaned into it, savoring it before the long goodbye he didn’t know when he’d see the end to. “I hope you’re ready for some tears because Aang is absolutely gonna start crying which will set Katara off and they’ll just become a big puddle. Toph will get punchy and Suki will make the whole thing way more intense than it needs to be. It’s gonna take forever, might even be pushed back to lunch and we’ll have to do it all over again.”

“And what about you?” Zuko asked casually, like he didn’t care. Not at all.

“I want to say I’ll be big and tough and act like it doesn’t affect me,” Sokka shrugged with the arm wrapped around Zuko’s shoulder. “But Katara and I have never been separated for more than a few days since we were born and Aang and Toph have basically become my younger siblings who I would literally die to protect and I know Suki is coming back but-”

“Sokka, what are you talking about?” Zuko asked, shooting him a look. “You’re going with.”

“Oh uh no, I was actually planning on staying with you, here in the Fire Nation.” Zuko gaped at him and Sokka scratched at his hair sheepishly. “The others know which is why this is gonna drag out and I’m only now realizing I forgot to talk to you about it so uh, hey, can I crash at your stupidly big palace for a while? If, uh, that’s okay with you?”

Zuko ought to scream for joy, sequester Sokka deep in the palace before he could change his mind. If he wasn’t already in the process of returning all the lands his family had conquered, he’d offer them to Sokka right now just to keep him here. 

“Don’t you want to go home? See your family?” He asked instead because more than anything, he just wanted his friend to be happy.

“I mean yeah and I will but Zuko, I can’t leave you here to run a country all by yourself. You’re a fancy dancy firebender but you missed out on the fine art of politics-bending,” Sokka said with a little smirk. “I miss things about home but it seems, I don’t know, kinda small now after all I’ve seen. I can’t just go back to making ice forts and penguin sledding like none of this ever happened. Besides, it would feel wrong being there without my sword bending partner, inventing buddy, human heat pack and best friend?”

“I’m your best friend?” Zuko asked quietly.

“Well yeah,” Sokka blushed. “Like the world leader stuff is cool and important but I’m really just staying for you. Don’t tell Toph this but you’re kind of my favorite member of Team Avatar.”

Zuko’s goal is thoroughly on fire. He didn’t even get to the goodbyes before he started crying.

They celebrate the one year anniversary of Ozai’s defeat in Ba Sing Se. It had been hard to make arrangements for everyone to be here but it had been worth it. In the back of the Jasmine Dragon was a small, well maintained garden for outdoor seating on nice days. They’ve moved all the tables aside and were sprawled on the grass, sitting around a fire pit. Just like the good old days, only better.

Sokka had been telling an overly exaggerated story about Fire Sage Reijiro’s reaction to catching Sokka trying to steal scrolls from the Dragon Bone Catacombs. He was lounging in Zuko’s lap; he expertly dodged Sokka’s flailing hands as he told his story, coaxing bigger laughs out of his audience.

“I still have no idea how you smooth talked your way out of that,” Zuko sighed at the end. “I thought I was gonna have to send you back to the South Pole extra crispy.” Everyone laughed at that. Sokka had taught him how to tell jokes now, one of the many things he’d learned over the past year. 

“You know, Zuko,” Aang said with a thoughtful smile, “I think you and Sokka are cloudmates.”

“Huh?” Zuko and Sokka asked at the same time. He gently brushed aside some loose strands of hair from Sokka’s face so it didn’t get in his eye.

“Is this a romance thing because I know I’m rather impressive but I don’t know if I have what it takes to make an honest man of the Fire Lord,” Sokka said with an eye roll. Zuko flicked his ear.

“I mean it can be,” Aang said, leaning back to look at the pink clouds floating above them. “It’s… How do I explain? Sometimes when you look up at the clouds, you can’t tell one from the other. They become so blended that it eventually becomes just one big cloud. Cloudmates are people who are made of the same stuff, who get along so easily, so naturally it’s like one person in two bodies.” The rest of them blinked and also started looking at the heap of clouds.

“I’m intrigued,” Sokka nodded, stroking at his chin. “State your evidence for the court, Avatar.”

“I don’t know if you can have evidence for this sort of thing, you just feel it,” Aang shrugged. “I guess I first thought you guys might be as far back as the Western Air Temple. I mean, you did kinda try and steal away my firebending teacher, Sokka. After all this time, seeing you two more, I think I’m certain now. You’re your own person, with unique ideas and experiences but you’re also something else, something better, together. You’re not just Sokka or Zuko but you’re also Zuko&Sokka.” Aang continued.

“I mean we all are made up of the same bits, bone and blood and squishy organs,” Sokka frowned thoughtfully, his eyes flicking up to Zuko’s. “What do you think, Your Royal Fieriness? Is my cloud all mixed up with your cloud?”

Zuko wasn’t sure he was a cloud. He’d been a victim, a prince, a traitor, a teacher and the biggest idiot the world had ever seen. He’d felt like he’d been so many things in so little time, too much of him and his shame piling up to fit into one person. But to think he was something like Sokka, by far one of the cleverest, bravest, kindest people he’d known, maybe there was hope for him yet. 

“I suppose,” Zuko said flippantly, “that your cloud and my cloud may intermingle but only if you promise when you get back to the South Pole that you will prepare a room for me. As Fire Lord, I need to see for myself that diplomatic matters with my fellow nations are being handled correctly.” He grinned down at his friend. “I will need to speak to someone important about reparations and moving forward. Know someone who can work with me?”

“Oh, I think I know a guy,” Sokka laughed back. Overhead, the pink dusted clouds gently moved past in a big pile, separate but intrinsically linked.

[lexosaurus]

ok for some tangential reason i was analyzing our character's fave wines tonight and welp here we go keep in mind this went through a VERY rigorous peer review process (the academic court of my opinion) so this should be 100% accurate.

jack and maddie both drink chardonnay, but jack likes his oaked and maddie likes hers unoaked. sorry but neither of them drink enough wine to have any preferences beyond this point

jazz: pinot grigio, easy. i feel like this whole family's a white wine family

danny: he's also a chardonnay bitch. he likes his mom's faves better but doesn't know why cuz he doesn't even know what "oaked vs unoaked" means. all he knows is that he doesn't like the taste of alcohol and unoaked chard tastes the most like water and that's why he'll drink it.

vladdy: he's a wine snob who drinks anything expensive (and pretends he can taste the difference between South African and French wines as if they're not both dry) but his fave is a dry cab. when he's out eating dinner with his business associates, he pretends to love those natural earthy wines, but he secretly almost always wishes he was drinking his basic (expensive) bottle of cab.

sam: pinot noir. she probs enjoys a good cab here and there tho

tucker: prosecco. obviously.

paulina and star: rosé girlies! star genuinely likes rosé the best (sparkling for her!), but paulina doesn't really care and only prefers it because it looks the cutest. she also has these adorable little wine glasses she got on a beach vacation she drinks it out of. sorry i dont make the rules.

dash: a sav blanc bitch but he won't admit it. wine is "for girls" and he only drinks beer in front of the other guys. meanwhile, kwan's enjoying his bubbly rosé with star in the corner.

lancer: depends on the season and what food he's pairing it with. if it's winter, he drinks more chianti and pinot noir, and if it's summer, he drinks more chard and pinot grigio. but i think ultimately, he prefers the pinot grigio.

ok that's all i got. hope this was an educational experience for u. 🙏

[garglyswoof]

Tagged by @jinxedwood and @austennerdita2533 for my fave books, I'm going with the wordy jinxedwood version bc yes, friends, you know me by now. I am what one calls a verbose bitch.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER and this list may not be accurate but it's accurate tonight.

East of Eden - John Steinbeck The humanity of this book is what got to me. I couldn't imagine reading another book when I finished this one, I felt bereft and that odd sense of loss that comes at the conclusion of a story with characters you deeply love. Not to mention that the Kathy angle made sections feel straight out of a modern day thriller.

H is for Hawk - Helen MacDonald.. to intertwine a memoir of grief and loss with a th white biography and a large measure of birding knowledge is quite the feat. But that sounds too pat an answer. I'll quote my goodreads review for this: This book felt like me sharing something that lurks so deep inside my heart, so carefully protected, so strewn with feelings like vines and bits of moss that shake off as I hold it out. It felt like sharing that something and absolutely, 100%, knowing that the recipient understood, with every fiber of their being.

Survival in Auschwitz - Primo Levi. Please, this isnt just what you think it is. It is that and more. Levi's words will leave you spellbound and aching and hopeful and everything in between.

Dandelion Wine - Ray Bradbury. As with most of my favorites, this is sublime writing that makes me long for a time i am too young to have experienced. Utterly gorgeous.

Provinces of Night - William Gay. This was my first William Gay novel and I am slowly making through them all. Southern Gothic with such elegant prose. I want to write like him. A negative review called Gay's work "novels with poems scattered about weak plots" and frankly? that's what i love? so good job you sold me

Microserfs - Douglas Coupland The author of my 20s. His stuff opened me up to fiction about real people with real feelings thinking the things you do in your head. The unbearable loneliness of the human condition and the wondrousness that is friendship. I am not a rereader but ive read this book at least five times. I have no idea if it has aged well, i do not care.

The Chronicles of Amber - Roger Zelazny. Something about this urban? fantasy grabbed me in a chokehold and never let go. I first read this at the beach, paging through dog-eared paperbacks a friend urged me to read. I barely left the deck that week. The traveling into Amber, the walking of the Pattern - these things will never leave me.

Lonesome Dove - Larry McMurtry Look yes it's a western but it's The Western for a reason. Characters that seep into your bones. The image of lightning dancing across a steer's horns remains as vivid as when i read the book 3+ years ago.

Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel Something about how this post-pandemic story is paced, something about the stakes of it and how they will differ from any other post-apocalyptic book you've ever read, stuck with me. There was a simple beauty here that I never want to let go of.

Honorable mentions Les Mis, War and Peace, To be Taught if Fortunate, and i feel like i need a separate list for fave fun books? like romance and paranormal romance and ya that i love but dont come close to the above's impact

tagging @purplesigebert im curious! @ninzied cmon wax poetic with me about books @carry-the-sky i almost put the things they carried on here bc you made me read it but i can only do 9 @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined i just feel like you'd have some cool thoughts and books to share

ok im tagged out

[youcouldstartacult]

The Show (The Encore)....OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG its i cant even describe it. the Collabs are excellent!!!! favorite one The show (cause i like John Legend too). But you could start a cult is a close second. Their voices go SOO well together!!!!

The Live version of Heaven makes me want a full Live Album from NIall & if it already exists I'll listen to that!!

If you leave me & Everyone wants to rule the world....i love it!! Meltdown stripped down....as soon as the intro hit I knew I was gonna cry his voice just hits me and i feel things and it makes me emotional.

Save my Life...same feeling with Heaven

On a Night Like Tonight....I've listened to that version on the Vevo extended youtube thing video soooo many times So i aleadry love that version of it!!! (& i might write something just based on that song alone, thanks Niall! lol)

Science stripped down, another tear jerker...it sounds different. I dont know how to explain it but it does.

Something in Orange...If Niall does any more songs like this vibe right here id listen its usally not my kind of sound but if he sings it I'll listen to it 1000000000000% & yeah that's my review thanks for listening lol

yes yes!!! the live version of heaven is so good and crisp it’s like the best quality other than actually being there

something in the orange is literally i don’t even have WORDS! i’m so sure he’s going to lean into this sound for nh4 and i am so excited

if you do write something based off of onalt, lmk!! i would love to see!!

also FELLOW MELTDOWN BALLAD TRUTHER! i love it stripped back so much more than the original it really goes straight to the core

[daja-the-hypnokitten]

Jukebox reviews part 28! For context, see my post “A Project”     under this same tag. If you want to see a full list of his EMCSA   stories, they can be found here, sorted alphabetically.And if you want to see some of his drabbles, check out his blog at @jukeboxemcsa

Double Vision

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1/2/2016                                       mc ff

First - ok, do the Ljosalfar also exist in the world of this story? (then again, are the Ljosalfar even a distinction from the Dokkalfar that existed pre-Christian influence? I dunno, the mythology is fairly incomplete as it stands, and none of this has anythign to do with the story so why am I spending so much time on this anyway?) Second, why does getting hit on the head give Jo the Second Sight? Or did she always have the capacity for it, and the hit just catalyzed it? REGARDLESS, as none of that has anythign to do with the actual control part of the story, moving on. It's a good story. Very fantasy, but I grew up LOVING mythology, so even though I'm a little rusty on it, seeing something drawing on myth is lovely. And the idea of control that most folk dont' notice, and that even though she *does* notice it Jo can't resist? It works within the context of the story. The actual control we see is fairly pedestrian by EMCSA standards, but the worldbuilding done around it means I like this story much more than I might have otherwise. 8/10 spirals 

 Wide Awake

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1/2/2016                                       mc mf md

This falls into the therapist abusing trust trope I strongly dislike, but outside of that it's well done and put together. If you like the trope, give this one a read! 

 Take Me Home Tonight

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1/9/2016                                       mc mf md

I don't know what to say about this story. It's so far out of my general realm of control I like that I have no frame of reference for it. It's half possession, half mind control of a different sort, and just not my style. But If you like dream and possession magic, give it a go? 

 Forever Your Girl

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1/16/2016                                     mc mf md cb rb

Huh, from the title I was expecting this to be a Girls(tm) story, not a superhero story, and not such a tragic one at that. Oh, it has its moments of heat, during the transformation that takes place, but the end of it is just tragic. To be forced to continue loving someone who's dead, unable to truly mourn, No matter how much heat is in the rest of the story, I can't find it hot on the whole with that layer of tragedy underlying it. it's a GOOD story, just ... another one that isn't really erotica to me. 5/10 spirals 

 Trust and Obey

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1/23/2016                                     mc ff hu

This story feels like a cross between Green Eggs and Ham and The Cat in the Hat. I get distracted by the couplets, especially the occasional slant rhyme, and honestly Dr Seuess-esque language in an erotica story is just offputting. 3/10 spirals 

 X, Y and Zee

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1/30/2016                                     mc ff

... There is no IRB in the country that would approve this story, so this isn't just self-funded, but there can't be any meaningful oversight either. Also, her work needs more footnotes. Also, she clearly needs to review what we've learned from the Stanford Prison experiment; any time a researcher directly involves themselves in the experiment, as she did, it skews objectivity, and makes it less generalizable. We also ought to be presented with the method of recruitment; the nature of the recruitment can bias who is likely to apply. Further, any experiment of this sort should have included a boiler plate "you may revoke consent at any time" clause. Which clearly X was not provided. Putting the design/framing of the story aside, this is ... well, clearly it bothers me a little bit, given my science background, in the ways that it betrays the doctor's intentions with it. Which makes sense in context, but I get distracted considering how I'd improve the experiment. And it's a solid experiment for the goal of "how can I make girls want to have sex with me," rather than "how can I test response to authority?" - they *are* two different questions. The external view of the shifting mindset is less to my taste, and X's clear distress makes this less hot than it would be otherwise. 5/10 spirals 

 Kissing Disease

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2/6/2016                                       mc ff mf fd md

Nope, I had to nope out of this one. I can't with stories of a pandemic spreading and people minimizing it until it's undeniable that it has to be worse that they say it is. I just can't. 

 Skeleton Key

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2/13/2016                                     mc mf md

This one is a lot more magic than my preference, though the sudden internal changes are fascinating and add some heat for me. And Merrion acknowledging that he's being unethical actually makes me feel better, in some ways? I at least have more hope that he'll treat Paula right after this. And she clearly is getting something out of it, too, which helps. But it does come down to just being too magic for my tastes - though if you like magical artifacts driving the control, give this one a look. 6/10 spirals 

 The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall

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2/20/2016                                     mc mf ff fd hm

I never quite understand how pleasure is that overwhelming for folk. It can be fun to play with, sure, but to make me completely let go around someone who puts me on edge? I don't get it and never will. Especially given the context of their interaction here. Maybe I'm just too ace to ever truly grok it, though. But the way she uses the sensation to take control, to build an effective overload induction as she does? It's well done and well written, if a bit cold for my personal preferences.  7/10 spirals 

 Zone Out

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2/27/2016                                     mc

Another induction, and one that would be *really* good for folk who have trouble staying completely focused on a hypnotist, if it were a recording rather than a text induction, as it was clearly written to be read aloud.  The way it uses the idea of focusing on something other than the hypnotist, and letting their voice (and I want to say her, because I'm hearing Lady Ru'etha's voice reading it in my head, for all it's Jukebox's words) just slip past the conscious awareness. It does, of course, include arousal and orgasm suggestions, so be aware of that if you're susceptible to text inductions, but I also recommend hypnotists read this one and take some inspiration for if playing with folk who are easily distracted when trancing. 9/10 spirals

[mapsofnonexistentplaces]

QUESTION TIME !!! any recent game or movie recs you’d like to give ?? i know youre a big prog rock guy but are there any other genres you like or any bands/artists u feel dont fit under the prog descriptor that you enjoy a lot ? & maybe somebodys asked this before but i would love to know if you have any inspirations for ccsimulacrum ? i mean just in general but i would also really love to know how you came up with the name specifically !

ALRIIIIGHT much to talk about! lets bite into it

friends and i have been noting down some movies though we haven’t watched any of them and are simply going off of reviews and images. earlier tonight we found a movie called zardoz from 1974 which looks like complete shit and i’m so excited to see it

in terms of games i’ve been rotating a couple! discovered i’m just very fond of roguelikes and Number Go Up games so naturally i’ve been insane about balatro. i also played vampire survivors ages ago back when the mobile port came out but i decided to get the desktop version literally yesterday because i miss playing that game and it’s a bit better on my eyes on the wide screen hah. have also been playing a lot of darkest dungeon. uhhh i’ve also recently checked out a handful of games that have just like. incredible art direction but are a bit all over the place regarding genre so rapid fire round of that: blasphemous, where the water tastes like wine and the shrouded isle. have also been getting into them’s fighting herds that’s a very fun fighting game to learn :+)

QUESTION 2 for genres i’d say i hang around adjacent genres quite a lot, big into math rock especially. i’m also big into prog pop but that overlaps so much with prog rock i hardly think it counts hah. otherwise i like most other kinds of like. ‘quick and dirty’ metal. like power metal thrash etc. however leaving the realm of rock i fucking love jazz (and jazz fusion. goes without saying) and funk, also new wave though i’m picky with that shit, and have also been slowly delving into both afrobeat and italo disco LOL i’m a simple man who loves good baselines more than god what can i say

with regards to specific artists, i think the biggest non prog rock one for me is everything everything HOWEVER their main designation is art rock which is basically just prog rock and i do very much consider them progressive pop so lol. otherwise hmmm…. there’s this one moldovan band called zdob și zdub that i’ve been really into lately and uh rule of thumb for most romanian/moldovan bands is that they’ve GOTTA throw in some traditional folk instruments so it’s kind of just. weird eastern european folk rock. it’s funny. similarly rubycone is a moldovan math rock band that does a little bit of that shit but they’re actually fairly based in like. more english conventions of both lyrics and the genre itself. very interesting to listen to

bringing up jazz fusion again one of my favorite bands in there is acoustic ladyland real good shit. oh also i’m not like. the most well versed with any kind of electronic music, i’m actually very picky with stuff esp if it’s meant to be more listenable than danceable but osamu sato’s music is extremely evocative to me and i love it a lot

special mention also goes to talking heads i’ve had a lot of their songs on my rotation recently but after learning of the remain in light 2020s tours with adrian belew singing for part of the sets i’ve just been like. way more smitten with those versions than anything with byrne in there hah. take a listen

AS FOR THE CCS QUESTION. god i could literally talk about that shit all day and i absolutely have when it comes to minute character references and whatnot but to speak about inspirations for the story broadly….

i started writing it in the midst of getting into the coheed and cambria album ‘the afterman’ which is about a guy travelling into space to investigate a series of planets that end up hosting the dead souls of everybody in the world. something roughly like that. and then also when i was getting into psychonauts! so the two kind of crossed in my mind to form a story about a kid with great magical prowess who usurps a space journey to save people from something, and as i furnished the concept and made it more ‘its own thing’ and changed it into a space train instead of a spaceship, made the space train actually go into a place between dimensions rather than space, and then i decided it’d be more interesting to have the train itself be a point of conflict rather than something external. and i also added a lot of interpersonal drama and themes of communication and character interaction that resembled psychonauts’ a lot, since that was the most memorable and charming part of the game to me

i’ve wanted to write about this point in the past and kept forgetting but initially the main conflict centered around some kind of cosmic serpent that wanted to kill everyone and dalisay was going to bargain with it. uhhh and there was a very blunt side plot about the spaceships being advertised as ‘cruises’ of some kind that were in fact intentionally made by rich people to supply the serpent with sacrifices. it ended up feeling very determinist and impersonal so i did away with a lot of that and instead framed the story around the concept of voluntary isolation and the idea of being an ‘outcast’ in society and the ways people may try to refute that or fall into that role…. a lot of those ideas are kind of just natural philosophies i’ve argued with myself about over the years as an extremely schizoid guy and they’re themes i feel are very uhhh. inaccessible? just not talked about or represented in a lot of media. but it’s something that hits home very hard and if my story’s like one of the only stories to depict the schizoid dilemma in a non-clinical fashion i’m pleased

i have all kinds of things to mention about the development of the narrative but honestly i’ve been thinking about just making an actual little zine or something detailing the various changes in the plot and why i made them + more detailed pointing out of inspirations. from the beginning i’ve preserved a lot of old documents and a lot of old variations of them entirely for the sake of revisiting early ideas and tracking progress so im excited to put that to work :+) we’ll see! but for now getting into how i makes the thing

i actually have a complete record of the process! basically what i did was just note down the names of various things i liked that had very pleasant names, not necessarily informative ones (which was an intentional choice — i wanted ccs to sound like the title of an overdone pompous concept album!) and i tried to brainstorm similar titles based on the word order, syllable structure, etc of those titles while also reeling in some tangential concepts that i felt were cool. and then once i had enough of them i whittled down those ideas into smaller and smaller groups until i eventually just had one title i liked best

first i want to note that ‘trainstory’ as a title is part of the tradition i have of just naming new projects very simple two-word descriptive titles, and i often still use those as ‘informal’ names for said projects. among others i have are wizardworld (corpusmancy) and moldaviaworld (argent rattle LOL)

i wrote the top and bottom lists out first and then slotted the titles list in the middle, to sort of visualise the mixture of the two. i was initially trying to think of words relating to retro technology, navigation, and human incoherency, ambiguity, attitude, etc. i think simulacrum stood out to me because initially i conceived of ccs as a game that was very. busy and complicated in terms of being a communication based jrpg with characters changing their regard of you quickly and doing things like lying, etc etc it was just meant to convey the flighty changes in the human mind and then it ended up being very appropriate when it became a story about technological progression and artificial life and ghosts and shit. and also matched the setting from the get-go since i always wanted it to have the basic principle of ‘yeah, it’s the future and people everywhere are trying to emulate retro fashion and architectural styles’

there was a mild fixation with blood and circulation at first? i wasn’t feeling it though, obviously. also i’m never really fond of just giving a project a one word name partially because i dont want to make searching for things a pain in the ass and also because i like the novelty of nonsense word salad names that sound cool. as you can clearly tell from the fact i like prog rock and also kurt vonnegut novels

i’m still fond of stage one simulacrum honestly, but i think that sounded far more scientific for my taste, which was also the problem with ice cold simulacrum. i think with that one i realised i wanted something that’d relate to dalisay’s weather theming, so i remembered the term ‘cold case’ existed and i thought it was appropriate considering the story dealt with the unsolved mystery of the fornax train while also being a pun on being a ‘cold’ case. like snow or something. and then i just tossed the word simulacrum on there and called it a day, which is a lazy way to put it but it is basically all there is. uhhh i’m very fond of it now though, ccs is a snappy acronym and the c in the middle of simulacrum does just give the whole thing a nice rhythm

that’s all i got this successfully tired me 🫡 hitting the hay now thank youuu

[thousandheadeddolphin]

Nevermind we're doing this tonight welcome to the lvl.0 lighting round

Actual reviews under readmore, but the tldr is that the quality generally averaged towards generally being kinda good, which I know is probably not gonna be sustained for long

LVL. 0.0: tutorial Level

I ultimately have no complaints, since this is, at its core, just a slightly more fleshed-out version of classic backrooms, which as stated in my introductory post, is good even through a thousand layers of content farm induced irony. I enjoy how theyve pretty much fenced it off from the rest of the levels due to no-clipping being required to progress, allowing it to still stand on it own to some extent. Though I do have a slightly nitpicky complaint about its title, simply because it leans too far into the video game angle, and the grammar feels a bit clunky and stiff at certain points, but at the end of the day, theres a reason this got so big in the first place. 8.5/10

LVL. O.1: Zenith station

This one plays around with the format a little, adding normal prose to the beginning to give context to why theres just a whole ass space station in piss carpet hell (yeah, the article itself describes the carpets as smelling like pee), which is generally better than its parent article, which, unfortionately isnt kept up in the prose of the article itself, which generally matches 0.0s quality. Id actually like this level a lot if it wasnt connected to the backrooms, where its existence doesnt exactly make any sort of sense, mainly from a metatextual perspective, mainly because it just doesnt match with any of the other levels heavy usage of nostalgic imagary compared this whole ass space station. This is likely just a consequence of a lot of the earlier levels just going "Yo what if this thing was in the backrooms" and just. kinda clashes even with other levels of its ilk. 8/10 if it was disconnected from the backrooms, 6/10 as it currently is

LVL. 0.2: Remodeled mess

To be honest, even though its like, bordering on a joke level, at least the jokes actually funny. plus, It genuinely feels like like smaller part of a level, instead of like, a full level that they just crammed into 0.0. The format scew, in this case taking the form of notes between a remodeler and his boss genuinely has a lot of personality and originality that a majority of the other levels of its ilk lack. overall, 7.5/10, not necessarily the most flashy or interesting (sub)level, but it gets its job done perfectly fine

LVL. 0.3: The icy rooms

Another level centering around the backrooms remodeling company, this times its not their fault, and theyre just trying to remodel a part of 0.1 thats just. frozen over for some reason. Another somewhat comedic level, this time exclusively featuring the same kind of notes from the previous sublevel. I do think it overuses the crossed out text gimmick, and the comedy(?) wears a bit thin, but i otherwise have no real complaints. 7/10 cool level

(please note that all levels after are not numbered by the wiki)

LVL O.4: Below Zero

Oops! All format screws! This ones actually got pretty good, though way too purple, prose. Most of the concepts within the level are kinda bare bones, the same kind of hallways as the ones in 0.0, but dark this time, a bog, which is so vaguely described that I dont even know if its metaphorical or not, and the hallway but before with rubble this time. Unfortunately, I cant really say much about it, due to the barrage of dead links, very, very sparce descriptions and the relatively small irritant of it not having any real reason to not be a standalone level other than the novelty factor, so Im gonna have to give it a 5/10.

LVL. 0.5: Echo Chamber

Man theres like, no reason for this to be separate from 0.4. If i struggled to come up with things to say about the last level, this one doesnt even have descriptions of its environment. The story that theyre trying to tell here is actually kinda well executed, though it doesnt really justify it being separate from the base backrooms in the way its implied to be. 4/10 I know its written by a different guy, but at least justify why you should exist as a separate construct from the original sublevel

LVL. 0.6: The Manila Rooms

This one has a plot point within the first paragraph. How can it serve as a meeting point if, by virtue of it being a sublevel of 0.0, it is impossible to find another human. Aside from that, this is functionally just a version of 0.0 with furnishings and actual way to leave without ramming your face into walls for 3 hours. Otherwise, nice set dressing, prose that do a better job at replicating scps style than 99% of the first 100 other levels, and actually makes use of the MEG instead of just having them stand around and justify why every single article is written like a damn court case. 6/10, gets its job done but It doesnt do anything else

LVL. 0.7: The red rooms

Oh hey another format screw, this time being another one were it just breaks into normal prose and overrides the normal text of the level, which though played out, got a bit of a kick out of me. Though, all things considered, the prose themselves flounder a bit, simply due to the author layering too many adjectives, and some inexplicable choices in analogy. But I really enjoy the way the author plays with the formatting especially near the end, and the concepts pretty damn solid on its own. 7/10, would reccomend.

LAST ONE: LVL. 0.8: The torment

Another format screw, this time just with some background stuff about how it just. randomly showed up. It suddenly drops some stuff about spirits and like, again, why did these need to be connected to 0.0. The prose do a good job at replicating the general stylings of scp, and the concept of, agonizing life after death is really, really good, it just, didnt need to be tacked onto 0.0 beyond the context of it just showing up there for two minutes. 6.5/10 normally, 6/10 because this didnt need to have anything to do with 0.0

[richardsphere]

My BG3 review

Full disclosure: Havent finished the game yet, currently deeply into act 3 but not yet reached a true ending, Act 1 is good at getting you invested and setting up a solid narrative foundation, but is actually sort-of bad at telling players which characters are playable. I legitimately didnt find the vampire until i wanted to go through the mountains and the game prompted me to grind for EXP lest i get my ass stomped, and was convinced that the druid was a camp-buddy like Withers, Scratch or the Baby Owlbear instead of a full-blown partymember. Also the Tiefling Party is weird? The option to romance characters at that moment felt weirdly early, and it didnt comunicate properly that you'd have the option to say no right now and pursue them later should your character come to like them in the future. So I as a player felt really put on the spot. (I regret making my character pick a romance in that moment. But I did see they could come to like Karlach in the future and didnt want to be locked out of it. In hindsight i regret picking romance) Act 2 is bad at telling you where to go. the Cursed Lands are drab, boring and have little in the way of recognisable landmarks, and the quest to un-curse the land requires you enter a random room in the inn to talk to a stranger unprompted and uninvited. I basically spent act 2 lost as fudge, unaware of anything that was going on and only met any of Throms kids after i finished the questline because the town they live in looked like a generic ghosttown that couldn't possibly have antying more to offer then more generic shadowmonsters. Act 3 is bad, like crumbling under its own weight bad. Questlines are interwoven with eachother in ways that basically force you to quit a quest half-way to get on with the another quest they dont actually tell you where to find. (the Gondians) and so many of the quests feel like sudden timers? (first it's "rig the printing press before tonight or be slandered", then its "be quick or Orin kills Zevlor without warning", then it's "You dont know how long you have before Orin kills the Hostage" followed by "defeat the Farslayer in 5 turns or less" and "stage a prisonbreakout in less then a single in-world minute). A lot of the quest objectives in Act 3 feel like annoying time-gimicks. Meanwhile the Act 3 Recruit can only be recruited after going far enough into the sewer to trigger the Hostage, yet refers to the hostage as if they've been allies a long time. Gale refers to Raphaels Contract as a signed thing when I refused to make a contract and just came home from a long day of KILLING HIM IN HELL, and Vos just WONT SPAWN so Lae'zel's questline is actually unfinishable. Act 3 falls apart on a script level as a result of its own attempts at complexity, and makes the world incredibly unbelievable as a result. Act 1 feels like the set-up for a brilliant game, Act 2 feels bad and lost. Act 3 just plain sucks to the point im not certain i'm finishing this game at all. Also tip for Larian: If you do produce some DLC: Please stop hiding your questgivers inside random buildings with closed (but unlocked) doors. Not all players are breaking into every strangers home hoping to beg them for Quests unprompted. I didnt find Marinya in act 3 until I looked up a guide to see if she even makes it there or that I was supposed to find her somewhere in Act 2 and got her killed because i didnt. Meanwhile I couldnt find the Remove The Shadow Curse quest because as far as I can tell from what i read online, starting it involves entering a random hotelroom for seemingly no story-prompted reason at all to speak with a random harper.

[lunar-lattice]

I posted 4,118 times in 2022

That's 1,684 more posts than 2021!

131 posts created (3%)

3,987 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bluepriestess

@dragonpostcards

@sunsetting-harmony

@spectrealenko

@themojaveexpress

I tagged 4,116 of my posts in 2022

#q - 3,229 posts

#fallout - 743 posts

#art - 514 posts

#places - 312 posts

#laugh tag - 287 posts

#pokemon - 239 posts

#tes - 201 posts

#cats - 193 posts

#oc tag - 175 posts

#environment - 131 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i guarantee part of why theyre like that is bc they decided to play their role and be the best damn morally fucked up scientist they can be

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

While a lot of the criticism being leveled at Game Freak is rightly given and I even agree with it to an extent, there is a couple of details that need to be kept in mind. Pokemon’s release schedule versus its development schedule dont line up like people think they do. SV was probably already in development when SWSH was out. Also BDSP wasn’t made by Gamefreak so it doesn’t apply really in the argument.

also to note i bet theyre reusing the engine to Legends and I’m PRETTY sure theyve been reusing the same base models since XY with some tweaks here and there

10 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

#4

See the full post

11 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

#3

i’m years behind the curve but here’s a pinned post!

You can call me Wildcat, I’m 25 and go by she/her pronouns. I’m just here sharing neat and cool stuff but feel free to stop in and say hi! Sometimes I draw but if you want just art, head over to @saturnianwildcat

carrd

12 notes - Posted January 13, 2022

#2

reasons to pay your mailman well: he has killed tonight and he is willing to do it again

43 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Visit the mystical Mojave Phonebooth, put your ear to the receiver and who knows what you might hear!

Something fun because I wanted to do something bright and because I’ve had this headcanon apropos of nothing that the Mojave Phonebooth in the Fallout universe has supernatural qualities! Put your ear to the receiver and you’ll hear any number of things: sirens, explosions, music, number codes...some people even say they’ve talked to people on it.

45 notes - Posted April 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[honoringthehorrific]

I watched Pearl before X and here's what I thought...

XXX Tonight's review is a lengthy one so as always, Remember...Spoilers ahead! XXX

I think I would tell anyone who hasn't seen X to stop, figure out when they have free time, go to your local theater and buy a ticket for Pearl before hearing anything I have to say about anything.

This movie won my heart tenfold. It was complicated at first but visually I loved it. I loved all the cute little jokes about the spanish influenza and how it mirrored our own pandemic. This movie is horribly and beautifully tragic and if I may peel back a bit of the barrier we have and get a bit personal, it was also relatable. Pearl wants more from life. She loves her family and friend, she loves her husband, but she wants more. She is very mentally ill and has a lot of responsibilities that she really didn't ask for... (Personal junk feel free to skip this paragraph if its uncomfortable to know more about me or if its too distracting from the review.) I related so horribly to pearl. She is pressured to give up her dreams and stay home, to take care of her invalid father and help her mother. When coming to college my father guilted me relentlessly. I needed to stay home. Focus on helping my grandfather. Forget college and spend my life at home caring for my grandfather, caring or any new offspring he decided to churn out with my step mother, and ultimately care for him when he became old. Every slip along the way was cannon foder. It was constantly about how selfish I was, or how stupid I was...and every conversation pearl had with her mother hit strings in my heart far too close to home. My grandfather wants me at school...But also hearing pearl talk to her father before she is about to sacrifice him made my heart bleed. She wished that he would just die already so she wouldn't feel like she was abandoning him...And while I can't say I've not had those awful thoughts I can say the guilt she keeps feeling tug of war-ed with is so deeply real and accurate and painful...

The way the events unfold is so artfully done. I dont believe I'd ever seen a Ti West movie before this but If this is anything like the rest of his work I think he would be one of my favorite writers/directors. Pearl's behaviors, the guilt she feels, her reactions feel so natural and real and while part of that is the beautiful writing, I believe it's also dependent on Mia Goth's wonderful acting. She truly sells this character and her struggles to you in a gorgeous bright red package. I loved the visual elements from the old movies, the old fonts and the way the credits looked like the westerns I sit on the couch with my grandpa to watch. The special effects, the way things rot and decay in such repulsively beautiful visuals. The dresses, the scenery, this whole movie shows you what it is.

Pearl's mental health is greatly impacted by her life and surroundings. From living in poverty to her mother's no hand outs way of thinking. Everything affects pearl. The relationship between her and her mother is extremely interesting to me. Pearl longs to dance and be famous and her mother begs her to put her dreams to rest. Her mother shows great distain for pearl's dreams and as the movie reaches climax, distain for pearl herself. Something that pushes pearl over the already far gone edge. Pearl gets this satisfying moment after her mother accidentally gets burnt alive where she spits her own harsh words back at her mother before running off. Her mental illness spikes when she sleeps with a projectionist she met a few days prior. Theres hope that he will pluck her up and take her away from this horrible mess she's made.

I was so interested to see how pearl handles abandonment and a little embarassed to feel her reactions were relatable. The way she begs the projectionist to know what she did. How angry she gets and how she screams her words into a slurry at him. When he tells her she is frightening him how personally she takes it. How when she gets to the dance auditions her mask has slipped off entirely. Telling mitsy her sister in law that the winner has to be her. There is no other way. This is the only way she can get away. Getting to the stunning monologue scene....She confesses everything she's done to mitsy. All her dark feelings...All the times shes wished people died...All the thoughts of killing. How she longs to go back to how things were but also how she feels the people in her life have slighted her. After all of this she starts speaking to mitsy directly about her fears in what I think speaks to me as someone with mental illness the most. "Do people like you feel this way? I figure you don't. You seem so perfect all the time. Lord must have been generous to you. He never answers any of my prayers. I don't know why. What did i do? What is wrong with me?...Please just tell me so i can get better. I don't wanna end up like mama. - I want what they have so badly. To be perfect. To be loved by as many people as possible. To make up for all my time spent suffering. Sometimes i lie awake in the middle of the night and the fear washes over me because what if this is it. What if this is where I belong...I'm a failure. - I dont know why what did i do? - I hate what it feels like to be me and not you. I'm so scared that when you get home you'll see me and be frightened like everyone else is - I hurt them so they too might know how it feels to suffer but poor daddy...He didn't deserve that. I wish i hadn't done what i did...Mama meant well. - I thought i hated her but i just wanted to feel safe too."

When Mitsy goes to leave Pearl keeps asking if she will tell...Like so many of us who spill our horrible thoughts to the people we trust. Begging them to not tell. Begging them to only see us the way they did before we slipped. Asking Mitsy if she is frightened by the things she heard...Asking Mitsy if she think's shes sick.

Things come to a bigger head when mitsy realizes pearl knows she won the audition. Pearl bitterly remarks that Mitsy always gets what she wants... Mitsy has to leave soon after and pearl gives chase. Once Mitsy is dispatched of pearl makes quick work to clean things up. Make them like they once were. Placing her father and mother at the dinner table to eat the rotten maggot infested pig we've been seeing on their porch to show us the passage of time. It reminds me of a child playing pretend...Of maybe myself in some uncomfortable ways...Watching someone so sick trying to pick up broken pieces and force them back into place like before knowing that too many pieces have chipped off in the process of breaking and they will never be the way they once were.

Her husband howard comes home horrified at the scene before him and we get to watch pearl choke back tears as she grins at her husband. Staring at her fear reflected back at her. That he truly is horrified. That maybe saving herself for his return was the wrong course of action. That this life is truly all she has. We get to see this horrific tear filled smile tremble uncomfortably. A similar look we might give to ourselves passing our reflection durring a bloody red faced break down. A sort of bandaid on the matter. A grin to try and trick your brain into thinking everything is fine.

I left the theater wanting more. I left the theater thrilled to see X and even more thrilled for the third installment Maxxxine. I'm hoping the other installments are as phenomenal as this one even if they dont tug at those same painful strings. Over all i'd give this movie a 10/10. It was beautiful and confusing and heart wrenching and makes me wonder how our pearl has aged in this first installment.

[heyitsyn]

Keeping Up With Seijoh Ep. 4

a/n: uwuwuwuwu @animesportboys​ and i were just talking about this and my heart was just bursting at this thought 😭

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

also requests are currently closed right now since i have like nearly 30 to finish so please be patient with me and wait for me to finish it all and until then i can open them up again. however, dont stop sending me cute stuff okay?  🥺

summary: its the time of the month for seijoh’s manager 🥺

@ yn when shes extra moody and mean during that time and does this every time she hears anything even come out of the boys’ mouth

oh dear

so basically

it’s,,,,,, a natural thing that most girls go through every month for more than half of their lives and its absolutely D R E A D F U L

the boys ofc knew what the hell a period was bc hello health class so they knew you would become this,,, other version of yourself

youd be moodier, childish, and easy to annoy and snap to everyone

but you would quickly realize how you’re acting then be all regretful and teary and cry easily and then youd forget about it then start the cycle again

you’d stick your tongue out at them and tease them mercilessly, making them run even more laps and pushing them harder

‘I SEE THOSE ARMS SHAKING, IWAIZUMI HAJIME. ADD 15 MORE TO THAT ROUTINE’

‘WHAT?!’

‘IF I SEE YOU EVEN A STEP BEHIND KINDAICHI, YOU WILL BE RUNNING 8 MORE LAPS KUNIMI’

‘NOO!!!!’

‘CHECK YOURSELF OUT ONE MORE TIME, YAHABA, I WILL GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES’

‘HAVE MERCY!!!!’

dear god they hated it

when it was time, they would protect themselves and work even harder and be more perfect to make sure you couldnt see their faults and point them out and try and kill them

it was like war for everyone

but they didnt know the exact date it started so they didnt really know when to start preparing for war until it came

this time, you didnt either

you didnt even know you were starting as you were extra busy booking the buses for away comps and collecting and emailing teachers for any missed homeworks for the team

so when it did start,,,

oh dear part 2

it wasnt really something you found out when you woke up that morning but you noticed you must be getting close since you were feeling extra cranky and you havent even been awake for more than an hour

nothing really happened throughout the day so you were just thinking that you didnt get enough sleep last night so you were just tired and wanted to sleep

but then it happened

you were standing next to iwa, reviewing his spike percentages when you shifted your weight to the other leg and then your eyes widened

your water broke

i saw this tiktok of this one girl and she was about to start filming with her friend when her eyes widened and her friend knew immediately and her caption was ‘my water broke’

iwa was worried as heck on to what was going on with you and even followed your gaze to see it on the wall and nothing out of the ordinary

‘y/n?’

‘oh god’

you mumbled and you wanted to run but you were too scared that you leaked and probably have an obvious redness on your white track pants

yep it def was your time bc you felt tears welling up in your eyes and you sniffled, embarrassed and upset for this to happen now, of all times

then oikawa tooru bursted through the doors

iwa, taking his eyes off of you and to the captain, started to yell at him until he noticed the brunette’s flushed face and panting form, hunched over as he gripped on the door handle with the plastic bag

you, too busy trying to think of a way to get out of there like deciding to waddle or to just crawl, didnt see oikawa as he approached you

the team paused and watched as he took a black hoodie from the plastic bag and wrapped it around your waist

‘hmm, y/n-chan, better get dressed so we can go now’

he hummed and you snapped out of your panic and looked up at him with watery eyes

‘oikawa-san’

you whispered and he nodded, eyes knowing what was going on

‘coach, theres a planetarium special tonight’

oikawa shouted without tearing his gaze away from you and coach irihata instantly knew, knowing the code that oikawa came up with when you became a part of the family team

the elder coach made a noise of agreement and oikawa didnt wait to up and carry you in his arms and waved to the team while pushing your head in his chest so you can hide

‘work hard everyone!’

‘oi, shittykawa! what the hell-!’

but an intense side-eye from his best friend shut him up and he knew something happened so he didnt say anything since he trusts oikawa to fix it

‘i trust you will take care of them, iwa-chan’

iwaizumi nodded firmly before shouting to resume back to practice and he himself went back to the line for spikes

you were carried to the bathroom so you could change into your emergency undies and pad and after you did your business, oikawa noticed you uncomfortably waddling towards him so he took you back into his arms

oikawa continued to carry you like his bride down the street towards an unknown destination, humming a children’s show tune that takeru loved to watch, while you maintained curled around yourself, partly due to the shame but also from the pain in your abdomen

you wiped the few stray tears that spilled past your eyes and oikawa chuckled when he noticed you aggressively wipe them off

‘hmm, y/n-chan, you shouldnt do that to yourself. it irritates your eyes and the skin around it so gently dab it next time, kay?’

you nodded, burrowing back to his chest and breathing in his scent

french toast

he smelled like french toast as the smell of caramel and vanilla wafted into your nose

‘howd you know’

you mumbled against the fabric of his jacket

oikawa stopped his humming and replaced it with a chuckle

‘oh, y/n-chan. oikawa-san is a reliable senpai, dont you know? i got a tracker! just for you!’

he answered and your eyes moved from his arm to his smile and you gripped his jacket tighter, fingers curled around it as if it was your lifeline

‘thank you, oikawa-san’

your words of appreciation made oikawa’s heart thump and he faltered a little, blush creeping up his neck, but he fought it down, covering it up with a smirk

‘you should be, y/n-chan! girls would kill to be you right now!’

you rolled your eyes at the return of his cocky attitude but you knew better

the real oikawa tooru was under that mask

turns out, he carried you to his home as his house was the closest while yours had to be taken by a bus

thankfully his parents were out and his sister and nephew were in a trip in tokyo that you had the house to yourselves without anyone asking questions that might make you uncomfortable and them misunderstand

he shut the door with his foot and made his way up the stairs with ease, his strength truly impressing you at that moment, before settling you down on his bed

it wasnt even on purpose but you curled yourself on his blanket, head buried in his pillow

his heart combusted and tooru had to look away or else he wouldve jumped on you and coddled you forever

instead, he quickly ran over and knelt down under his desk to reach for the box that he has prepared for you

‘y/n-chan, i never knew your pattern until last month so i was able to prepare for you now’

you looked up from your position on the bed and sat up enough to see him standing there, grinning with a mint green box

‘wh-what is that?’

you asked and he shuffled over, sitting next to you

‘this, is the y/n care love box! this special box was created by yours truly with everything you want and need during this dreadful week. theres your favorite food, warm socks, coupons you can spend like watching movies and eating ten tubs of ice cream while we talk shit about the boys’

he listed, gripping the box nervously 

‘so? do you like it?’

he looked away from the box and to you but his smile slipped into a panicked one when he saw you silently crying and biting your lip to keep the sobs in

‘y-y/n-chan! i-its okay if y-you dont like it! o-oikawa-san can-’

‘no!’

you cut him off and lunged to hug him with all your might

hehe all might

E A T   T H I S

‘i love you so much, oikawa-san! so much! thank you!’

you sobbed into his neck and he tightly hugged you back, lifting you so you could comfortably sit on his lap straddle him if you want me to be straight forward

oikawa gently moved so he was leaning against the wall that his bed was pressed against while you were pressed against his warmth

his fingers were drawing small circles on your back and whispering corny jokes or puns that made you giggle and laugh and occassionally, he would kiss your nose and you would whine at the ticklish feeling

eyes fleeting around the room, your eyes settled back on the box and you reached out, wanting to grab it until oikawa beat you to it and snatched it for you then placed it on your hold

‘whats inside, oikawa-san?’

you cutely mumbled, sitting comfortably back on his thighs so you could open the box in front of you

oikawa laughed

‘just open it and figure it out yourself, y/n-chan’

you pouted at his tease but smiled widely when you revealed the contents inside

‘oikawa-san!’

his eyes followed your surprised expression and his hands gripped your waist

‘you like it?’

he whispered and you nodded, looking back up at him and kissing his cheek, his 

‘youre so sweet, oikawa-san! like-like this candy bar! howd you know i like this?’

you held up the treat and he shrugged

‘i keep seeing you get it whenever we go to the store’

you continued to sift through the things, seeing a dvd of your favorite movie, a f/c heating pad, a note that said your favorite ice cream was in the fridge, a bag of your favorite chips, fluffy socks, the goodies

you didnt even notice yourself crying again, only realizing it when there were wet spots beneath you

oikawa saw this and he quickly but gently put the box to the side and cradled your face with both of his hands, softly wiping the tears away with his thumbs

‘aw, dont cry, my little baby. princesses should never cry’

you sniffled and choked a laugh

‘hah, n-not a baby. j-just hor-monal’

you complained and oikawa snickered but shook his head then kissed your nose again

‘youre my baby’

you didnt have it in you to complain so you went back to snuggling into him

oikawa squeezed you and went back to drawing the circles on your back and he felt you relax into his touch and slump against his form, slowly starting to snore

your head rested on his shoulder and he turned slightly to watch your eyes flutter and nose scrunch when a strand of your hair fell on it

his heart continued to beat faster and faster and it showed by the way his fingers shook as he carefully lifted the hair away from you

he slowly bent down to give you a kiss on the forehead before laying you down to sleep more comfortably

‘good night, princess’

he sweetly placed a last kiss on your cheek before getting up to go prepare your heating pad for when you wake up

the next few days were possibly the best period days youve ever had

maybe because it was oikawa telling the team that you were in,,,,, satan’s domain currently and they should be careful with you so they tried their best to lift the weight and burden off of your shoulders

however,,

the next day after the incident,,,

they still didnt know what was wrong with you and oikawa forgot to text the gc about your condition so they were still unknowing

like today

during your classes, you were feeling off, almost nauseous but eating little bits of your chocolate treats were helping you get through until lunch

ofc kunimi noticed bc hellow he sits next to you and he doesnt pay attention during class so hes been watching you sneak little bites so the teacher doesnt see and ducking under your book

he was just amused with the way your eyes would widen if you thought the teacher caught you

kindaichi and kunimi and you usually ate lunch together at your classroom since you three only got to hang out as first years during lunch

so they know you usually have a bento with you and have a general idea of how much you eat

and kunimi thought since you ate all those chocolates earlier, you wouldnt eat as much food but then he saw you scarf down your bento, eat 2 more bags of chips and was finishing last chocolate bar

kindaichi,,,, wasnt even finished with his own bento and was watching you, amazed, at how easily you ate all of it

they didnt say anything since they thought you just didnt eat dinner last night but even during the walk towards the gym for after school practice, you were complaining that you were hungry and was eating another chocolate bar

they thought something was truly wrong bc you were eating so much more than usual

kunimi watched you chew on it as you opened the gym door and still ate even when you were talking to mattsun about his jump height

‘man, you sure are hungry, aren’t you, y/n? thats like your fifth chocolate bar today’

kunimi teased, grabbing a ball to spike but he froze, seeing you with the coldest and angriest look hes ever seen

you blinked at him, grip tightening on the treat, and mattsun slowly backing away from you

you advanced towards the blep boy, treat already forgotten and shoved to be held by mattsun 

despite your shorter height than kunimi, he trembled slightly as you looked up at him

‘are you calling me fat, kunimi? are you? am i fat? do you think im ugly? im a piggie?’

you ranted and slowly started crying, making kunimi frantically scramble to stop you before the other upperclassmen see or worse, oikawa-san

‘y/n-wait-no!-um’

‘y/n-chan?’

kunimi shut his eyes tightly in fear at the deadly sweet voice of his captain and kindaichi and mattsun sent a quick prayer to their fellow teammate before he was going to get killed

‘uh oh, i think we’d have to start looking for a replacement for kunimi’

makki, who just arrived, teased making kindaichi fearfully look at him

‘eh?!’

‘oh, you first years have never seen oikawa mad, have ya? well, you’ll get front seat of it!’

mattsun clapped him in the back making him gulp

you werent sobbing but you were definitely crying, tear tracks quickly being wetted by the numerous amount of tears that fell

kunimi scrambled to his knees and folded himself, forehead resting on the floor by his hands

‘I APOLOGIZE! PLEASE DONT KILL ME! I APOLOGIZE! PLEASE FIND MERCY IN YOURSELF AND FORGIVE ME, Y/N-SAMA!’

it was certainly a sight to see

normally calm and collected and chill and relaxed hippie kunimi begging to be forgiven

oikawa stepped forward but you quickly felt the change of your mood, feeling bad for your boy and scrambling to pull him back up

‘oh kunimi-kun! dont kneel like that! the floor is too hard and might give you knee pain!’

it was like whiplash

iwa stepped in the gym and saw the team’s confused and bewildered expressions and saw you, kunimi, and oikawa and he shook his head

this aint even half of bad as he has seen

oikawa gently took you away from kunimi and held you to him instead, giving you a smile, to which you returned, and looked at kunimi, a deadly glint in his eye

‘what happened, y/n-chan?’

the tone of his voice sent a chill to run down everyone’s spines and even iwa, the boy who’s seen this a handful of times, shivered and nervously watched oikawa, ready to jump in

but you just blinked, completely unaware of the change of atmosphere

‘oh, um, i overreacted. i was eating too much food today and mustve annoyed him or something’

you sheepishly mumbled but oikawa was having none of it

‘no, its fine. youre literally bleeding out as we speak! dont feel the need to validate yourself!’

he lightly scolded while you hung your head low and continued to apologize but he gently bonked your head before scolding you again

the team definitely knew now that you were in that,,,, time and they definitely knew now, especially kunimi, that even if youve seen oikawa mad, youd think that the devil was more merciful than him when it relates to the topic of you

a/n: i swear to GGGOOOOODDDDDD im an oikawa whore who cant seem to stop writing for him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[baroquebucky]

request: Hi. Can you write something about being in the movie with Timmy and he made an agreement with managers about being in relationship with you to increase the popularity of the movie. And you start dating but you dont know about agreement. And then you get to know the truth and you are heartbroken. Timothee is heartbroken too because he really falls for you. With happy ending

a/n: i hope you guys enjoy this and let me know what u all think !! sorry for any typos heh send in some requests :-)

You arrived on set for the last time, smiling at everyone as you entered the trailer for your makeup and talked to your stylist as usual, filled with giddy and sadness as the production wrapped up. You weren’t sure what you more more upset about, the finishing of a movie with a cast you so deeply loved, or the fact that you wouldn’t see a specific curly headed french boy everyday.

The thought of drifting apart from timothée lingered in your mind as you filmed the final shots for the movie. Over the course of several months you had developed a crush on him, I mean who wouldn’t? He was damn near perfect. He was sweet to everyone on set which was more than you can say for other actors you’ve worked with, he was funny and down to earth, he loved almost all the music you did, and he was so articulate.

As you snapped out of your thoughts you heard the director call for a quick break, you sighed, squeezing your eyes shut and taking a breath before going to get a bottle of water.

“are you excited that it’s almost over?” Timothée asked you. Looking over at him you shot him a smile, “bittersweet” you replied, leaning on the table and looking at the whole set, everyone was running around getting things done, fixing things or trying to make sure nothing messed up. “I hope you don’t forget me when you win an Oscar or something” timmy laughed and you rolled your eyes, “please if it’s gonna be one of us it’s gonna be you” you replied, hearing the director calling everyone back to set. “I’ll catch you later yeah?” You spoke, waving at te boy, he smiled back at you nodding.

Timothée smiled as he saw the way you greeted everyone around you, despite being an award winning actress you were always so down to earth and humble. “Timothée we need to speak to you” his agent spoke up next to him, motioning for him to go to his trailer so they could speak.

As he entered the trailer he saw another man sitting down, papers by his side. “What’s all this?” The boy asked, confused and looking at the two men in the trailer with him. “Timothée this is Robert” his agent spoke up. “We want you to date y/n for publicity” Robert said, handing timothée the papers. He was shocked, sort of offended too.

“I’m sorry what? No!” He scoffed, pushing the papers back to the man, not even wanting to read them. His agent spoke up, “listen man, it’s gonna be good PR for the both of you, the movie will get more recognition. It’s a win win for everyone” he pointed out and timothée thought about it for a second. He didn’t like you like that, right? I mean sure he thought you were pretty but you didn’t even know each other. He knew your favorite colors and things like that, he didn’t really know you like that.

“What did she say?” Timothée asked, looking at the man across from him. “We didn’t tell her, we knew she would reject it and we all know when she’s firm about something there’s no swaying her” the man spoke and timothée smiled a little, you were very hard headed.

“Timothée think about it, it benefits everyone” his agent pushed, and he shook his head. “I- I don’t know I have to think about it” he furrowed his brows and his agent nodded, the two men leaving, leaving him and the papers alone in his trailer.

Timothée had read over the papers, he couldn’t tell anyone that it was fake, not even his mom. He groaned and ran his hand through his hair. It would only be six months before the release of the movie, he could get to know you by then.

He was in his trailer for hours contemplating every possible pro and con, the sun had already set and he could hear the set winding down. “Fuck it,” he sighed. Before he could change his mind he signed the agreement, shutting the small Manila folder and walking out of his trailer to hand his agent the papers.

“hey timmy t” you smiled, falling into step with him, he almost choked on his spit, quickly hiding the papers from your view. “hey y/n” he replied, eyes searching for his agent. “what’s that?” You asked, looking at the papers he was poorly concealing. “Nothing, i have to give it to my agent, have you seen them?” You nodded pointing to your right and he thanked you quickly, speeding off before stopping after a couple seconds.

“what time are you done filming today?” He turned on his heels and your heart rate sped up. “What time is it?” You asked. “8:53” he spoke and you smiled, “9:25 ish?” You smiled, he nodded. “Wanna go get some food after?” He smiled sheepishly, you felt yourself flush, nodding slightly before speaking up, “yeah! That sounds great” you replied, he smiled at you and nodded, walking away. You bit your lip, smiling at the ground and holding back a squeal.

As you finished filming you quickly went to trailer, packing up a couple of your things and changing for your dinner with timmy.

Dinner was amazing, the two of you laughing the whole tome and getting to know each other better, you were confused as to why all of sudden he was making a move but you brushed it off, not wanting to ruin something you’ve always wanted.

After that night the two of you went out a lot more over the course of several months, going on small little dates, picnics, watching movies, going to game nights together, sending each other memes, the two of you even went roller blading one time. It was going so well, you noticed the way he would text you more often and the way the two of you hung out a lot more. So did the media.

You’re doing great with y/n, wish the holidays coming up maybe introduce her to your family, post about it and such.

Timothée stared at the message, his heart sinking. He locked his phone and smiled back at you, putting his phone in his pocket and joining you on your couch. “thanksgiving is coming around” he spoke up and you looked away from the TV screen. “uh huh” you replied, heart racing as you realized what he wanted. “I think we’re doing great you know and- well I want you to meet my family” he spoke quickly, nervous as to what you would say.

“as what?” you frowned, slightly hurt that the boy had never asked you to be his girlfriend despite acting like a couple. Timothée smiled at you, leaning in to kiss your nose.

“As my girlfriend?” He blushed, a smile breaking into you face as you squealed and jumped on him, kissing all over his face. He laughed and caught your lips in his, smiling into the kiss. He pulled away for a second, “so is that a ‘yes I’ll be your girlfriend and meet your family’ or” you smiled at him, “it is” you replied, kissing him once more.

By the time the holidays came every magazine, talk show and social media had been posting your relationship, “co stars turned lovers” was their favorite phrase for the two of you. You didn’t care though, both you and timmy were falling deeper and deeper everyday, you were overjoyed, he was scared. The six months began next week. Six months suddenly seemed much too short.

So many dates, so many little gifts, so many funny messages, so many memories and so much love.

Anytime you saw him you got butterflies, a blush would rise on your cheeks when he checked you out or complimented you, usually in that order. Anytime he saw you and you would stare at him in awe he would blush, getting nervous as you hyped him up. Anytime the two of you were together both of your stories had at least on picture of the other with a teasing caption. It was all so real. Until timothée realized it wasn’t. Right?

“Angel, do you wanna get pizza tonight?” Timothée asked you, looking up at you as you played with his hair. You thought about it for a second, nodding your head and a smile broke onto his face. “okay, can you order it? I really have to pee all of a sudden” he laughed, getting up from his position on the couch and heading to the restroom.

Your phone was still in your room so you decided to grab timothées, waking the screen up, a small smile on your face as you see a picture of the two of you laughing with the sunset behind you, both of you in sweats. You remembered that you had told him you wanted to take pictures during sunset, and so that same day he had dragged you out of your apartment and suprised you with a picnic date, making some random lady take pictures of the two of you during sunset.

You were brought out of your thoughts as the phone vibrated in your hands

Only two more weeks with y/n and you’re free from the agreement. Thank you for doing this, the movie is doing great and getting great reviews already. Told you this would work out! Have faith next time.

Your heart dropped, agreement? What agreement? Before you could stop yourself you unlocked the phone, clicking on the conversation and seeing all the messages between timothée and the unregistered number.

Thank you for agreeing to this, by faking a relationship this will 100% get the movie amazinf publicity.

Take her out to dinner, I can send you an address for a nice place, we will pay for it.

When do I have to ask her out?

Whenever you’d like, it has to be before the six months start.

There’s a nice roller skating arena, it’s open tomorrow take her, we will make sure there’s cameras there after a couple hours.

Make her meet your family.

I don’t see her like that, why would she have to meet my family?

Every real relationship has that, make it feel real.

Your eyes watered as you continued to read through the conversation. So it wasn’t real? None of it?

You felt your chest tighten and your breathing grew shallow. Your heart physically hurt, you wanted to break down, cry, scream, punch him. You heard the sink water start in the restroom. Before he came out you rushed to the room, getting your phone, and rushing out of the apartment, turning into an alley before you broke down into silent sobs.

“mon amour where’d you go?” Timothée asked, a smile on his face, excited to spend the nights cuddling with you. “y/n quit playing cmon i miss you” he pouted, checking every room. He furrowed his brows and went to check his phone. It was unlocked. And opened was the conversation with Robert and him. His heart fell. He wanted to break his phone, throw it across the room. He wanted to punch Robert in the face, fight his agent for talking him into this.

Most of all he wanted you. He wanted you when you just woke up and were angry because you had fallen asleep late last night despite knowing you had to get up early. He wanted you when you accident burned food trying to make fancy dinners. He wanted you when you were all glammed up and ready to attend an event. He wanted you when it was just the two of you on a rainy day, cuddling in bed and sharing stories. God, he wanted you. He loved you.

You called an Uber, quickly climbing in and heading straight to your apartment. When you got home you quickly locked the door, turning on the shower and letting the hot water run. You grabbed an over sized shirt you had bought a couple years back and some shorts and fuzzy socks. Without thinking you undressed and got into the shower, letting the hot water burn you for a second before adjusting the temperature. You stood there for a minute before sobs racked your body once again.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Timothée groaned, pacing in his living room, looking at the spot where you once were. What the hell was he gonna do now? Sure it started out as nothing but he loved you now, he couldn’t live without you. But there was no way you were going to believe that. How can he prove it to you? He stopped mid-step, rummaging through his closet until he found the small box.

You stepped out of the shower, steam floating about in your restroom as you changed, you let out a shaky breath, you can get through this.

You had so much of timothées things in your room, you decided to curl up on your couch, mindlessly flipping through channels before stopping on National Geographic, half paying attention to the cheetah hunting a gazelle. Your mind wandered to timothée, was he relieved you were gone? Did he ever mean anything he said?

New hot tears streamed down your face, letting out a quiet sob. You didn’t care about your neighbors hearing you anymore, letting out sob and after sob, trying to catch your breath. A knock on your door made you get quiet. Quickly you grabbed a tissue from besides you and blew your nose, rushing to the kitchen to splash water on your flushed face. Before opening the door you looked in the mirror, your eyes were puffy and red, your nose was tinted red and your cheeks were a light pink. Your hair was frizzy, you didn’t bother putting it up.

You opened the door, not wanting to see anyone, however you put on a smile. It quickly fell when you saw a certain curly headed french boy. You went to slam the door it he was quicker, stopping it before it closed, easily over powering you and opening it wider.

“Leave. Now” you spoke firmly, your voice cold and stern. His heart broke at the sight of you, you couldn’t even look at him. “ma cherie please let me explain” he spoke, wanting nothing more then to pick you up and carry you to bed, kissing all your problems away. “Don’t you fucking dare call me that Timothée.” You snapped.

Timothée.

His heart fell once again, no pet name. Of course not, he would be furious too.

“y/n please, let me explain please.” He begged, bottom lip quivering, you could tell he wanted to cry. All it took was one look into his eyes, god. You fell in love with his eyes the moment you saw them. They made your knees weak and made you smile like nothing else. You let out a sigh, taking your hand off the door and walking into the living room. Timmy smiled slightly, following you in.

“You have 10 minutes” you spoke, sitting down. Timothée nodded, sitting next to you, keeping some distance for your comfort.

“I know you think that this was all fake but i swear to you on my mom that it wasn’t. Yes it was an agreement but that was before i knew you. Before i actually knew you. Do you remember that day on set, the last day of filming and i walked with you and asked you to dinner?” He looked at you and you nodded.

“The paper in my hands, that was the agreement, they told me about it only a couple hours before and my agent kept talking me into it, saying it would help both of us and that it would help the movie and I thought it wouldn’t be that bad you know?” He paused looking at you.

“faking a relationship with someone ‘wouldn’t be that bad?’ Are you serious?” You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. He sighed before continuing.

“After i took you to dinner i texted my agent, i told him i wanted out of the contract, i felt bad, but he wouldn’t let me, Robert- the guy i gave the contract to- would ruin my career and yours too. So of course i kept going, i wasn’t gonna let you fall for something I did. I felt bad, i thought ‘whatever it’s only six months’ but then we got closer and i spent so much time with you and i fell for you, so fucking hard. God y/n i fell in love with you. I’m still in love with you.” He smiled, he wanted to hold your hands, but he stopped himself.

“I remember exactly the moment when I realized I was in love with you. We were at the park, it was a Friday and there were so many dogs, and everytime one passed us you would catch up to their owner to ask to pet them, we were there for hours because of you, and i realized that I didn’t want to be anywhere else but with you.” His eyes watered, looking at you, a year left your eye and you quickly wiped it away.

“Y/n please, you have to believe me, fuck the contract, fuck Robert. I love you. I love you so much and i hate myself for even doing this and for putting you through this, please, one more chance and I swear to you i won’t fuck it up” he pleaded, scooting closer to you and taking one of your hands in both of his.

“how do i know you aren’t doing this because robert said you had to?” You whispered, looking into his eyes and looking all over his face to try read his emotions, you could tell he was being sincere.

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box. “You always talked about this ring you loved, how it meant so much to you for no reason. You told me that at 3:27 am, you were so woozy from not having slept at all because you wanted to see how long you could last without sleep. You told me you would only sleep if i sang you a lullaby and so when i started singing Mary had a little lamb you stopped me, and told me the only song ‘available’ was statistics. And so you made me sing statistics to you four times before you passed out.” He smiled at you, you couldn’t stop the smile that broke onto your face, he was so embarrassed that night but you knew he would do anything to make you sleep.

“After you fell asleep i ordered you the ring, I hid it in my closet because i knew you would get so mad at me if you found out i bought it for you.” He smiled sheepishly and you laughed, nodding your head, sniffling a little. “I’m giving it to you now as a promise, I promise you that i love you. All of those little moments, the stolen kisses, the messy sheets, the intense aracde rivalry we have- everything, they mean so much to me. You mean everything to me. It was real for me, it was so real and i can’t lose you, not now, not ever.” He finished, looking at you to try and read your emotions, he was scared shitless, his hands shaking, still holding your one hand tightly.

You pulled your hand out of his, wiping your face before you looked at him. “I love you too timmy” you spoke softly, he let out a small sigh of relief. “you have to understand that I’m hurt, that we can’t just automatically go back like nothing happened” you spoke, looking at the boy as he nodded frantically.

“I know, i know we can go at your pace” he reassured, a smile on his face. You looked at him, a grin on your face. “then ask me, for real this time” you spoke up, staring into his eyes, memorizing every little detail of them.

“y/n y/l/n, will you be my girlfriend?” He asked, a smile on his face as he leaned in slowly, you nodded quickly, a smile breaking onto your face. “of course i will, little timmy t” you giggled and he scrunched his face up, his hand cupped your cheek and pulled you in for the kiss, the two of you stopping because you kept giggling.

“I love you” you whispered, resting your head on his chest. He smiled at you, responding within a heartbeat, “i love you mon amour.”

[swiss-cheeze]

Tick-Tock, Hook’s Afraid of an Ordinary Clock! || Spencer Reid

Requested: YES/NO: gender neutral please! So my request. Y/n has been working at the BAU for a while, and never ever had feelings for Spencer but more for Derek. One night is spent at a hotel and Spencer gets wasted as all hell which the team found unusual. That’s really all! Do with that what you will! Smut is fine too! You can add your own personal touches if you wish. Also would love some fighting between Spencer and y/n

Gender: none, they/them.

Warnings: insults, alcohol, normal CM case talk, verbal fight dialogue taken from Hook (1991), crap music talk.

----

“Eat your heart out, you crinkled, wrinkled fat bag,” you mumbled under your breath as Spencer finished his rambling of some unknown subject. Spencer stiffened at your insult, as did the rest of the team. You had just gotten back from a pretty bad case involving a team of family annihilators and where sitting in the nearest bar; throughout the whole case Spencer had almost made it his mission to speak over you, correct you, flick things at you, ‘forget’ you’re there, bump into you and more. God it was so annoying, and now? Now you've had enough.

“That was very ill-mannered-” Spencer started.

“And you're a slug-eating worm,” you said with a little more force matter-of-factly, cutting off whatever it was Spencer was going to say.

“You can do better than that pretty boy!” Derek said quickly with a grin as he nudged Spencer; you almost pounced on that man for taking Spencer's side rather than yours; Derek had always taken your side.

“You're encouraging this?” Spencer questioned quickly.

“Show me your fastball, dust brain!” you started again, “you paunchy, sag-bottomed puke pot!” Spencer's eyes widened three times the size they normally would be as the rest of your table sat quiet and watched.

“Damn!” Emily said under her breath with a grin as her eyes darted between the two of you; it was like watching tennis.

“You're a very poor role model for your team, you know that right?” Spencer shook his as he took a mouthful of his drink before a sly grin overtook his face, “I bet you don't even have a fourth-grade reading level,” a few of your teammates let out a little blow of air.

“Hemorrhoidal sucknavel” you said quickly.

“Maybe a fifth-grade reading level.” Spencer said even quicker.

“Oil-dripping, beef-fart-sniffing bubble butt” you started to really get into it, leaning over the table a little with a smirk.

“Aye there we go (Y/n)!” Derek said quickly, now he was on your side? You looked to Hotch who was smiling thinking that maybe you had another on your side.

“Someone has a severe caca mouth, you know that?” Spencer cut off your gaze with his words, as if he was bored.

“You’re a fart factory. A slug-slime sack of rat guts and cat vomit, a cheesy scab picked pimple-squeezing finger bandage!” snickering came over the table; but you weren't done yet oh no, “a week-old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side!” you grinned; many many words in that one insult. Spencer went to open his mouth but you cut him off, “you’re really just a substitute chemistry teacher” you winked.

“Come on Spence, hit (Y/n) back!” J.J. quickly intervened.

“Mung tongue” Spencer fired.

“Math tutor,”

“Pinhead,”

“Mother lover,” that one was a low blow on your end but you couldn't help yourself.

“Nearsighted gynecologist,” ouch Spence, Hotch snorted at that one.

“In your face, camelcake!” you shot back.

“In your rear, cow derrière!” of course Spencer came back even faster.

“Lying, crying, spying, prying ultra-pig!” Emily snickered at yours.

“Lewd, crude bag of pre-chewed food!” Derek snickered at Spencers.

“Guys maybe settle down…” Hotch said softly, this was starting to get a little out of hand.

“You man! Stupid, stupid man!” That was all you could give back as your mind turned blank, forgetting every word in the dictionary.

“If I'm a maggot burger, why don't you just eat me?” Spencer shot back, “you zebra-headed, slime-coated, pimple-farming, paramecium brain, munching on your own mucus, suffering from Spencer Reid envy!” laughter ensued as your face contorted to confusion.

“What the hell is a ‘paramecium’?” your voice held the question as Spencer pointed to you.

“I'll tell you what a paramecium is! You’re a paramecium!” everyone on your table stared at Spencer as he elaborated; “It's a one-celled critter with no brain that can't think!” and with that, your table cheered for Spencer as you sat sulking.

“Oh come on (Y/n), you should have known you would lose,” Derek said with a grin before following Spencer to the bar.

“He's drinking a lot tonight isn't he?” Emily questioned.

“Who, Derek?” J.J. guessed with a furrowed brow.

“No! Spencer!” Emily quickly concluded.

“He was a little harsh on (Y/n)” Hotch cut in quickly, “I’m just glad Dave and Garcia weren’t here to witness that,” you slammed your drink on the table and sent a glare to the three left at the table.

“I'm going home, i'll see everyone on monday,” you grumbled out before stalking off, your shoes made loud thunking sounds as they hit the wood flooring, your anger getting the best of you as you passed Spencer and Derek.

“Yo (Y/n) you getting a drink too?” Derek was about to order your normal drink until you slapped both Spencer and Derek on the back of the head.

“OW! What the hell-!” Spencer's back was to you but as he turned and saw you his anger melted into elation, “come back for round 2 (Y/n)?” Spencer questioned, the poor boy tried to act cool and lean against the bar but missed entirely and almost fell onto a rather burly looking gentleman. You huffed slightly as you turned to Derek.

“Make sure the substitute chem teacher gets home safe,” and with that you threw open the bar doors and walked your way home, it was only a block and you had gotten a ride with Emily anyway.

-

When you finally slumped home, chucked off your shoes and threw yourself onto your mattress you couldn't help but make yourself angrier with the new insults suddenly bubbling in your head.

“Who does that piss brain even think he is,” you mumbled into the air, “paramecium my ass…” you continued your grumbling into the atmosphere as you twisted and turned on the mattress before sleep finally engulfed you.

------

The work week started up again and before you knew it yourself and the team where needed in New Orleans because of a new range of sudden murders.

“Lets review please,” Hotch mumbled.

“The bodies cross gender and racial lines” Rossi started.

“The throat is slit with something very sharp but also clean, I get a funny feeling it isnt a kitchen knife though,” you mumbled as you looked at the photos closer trying to get a good angle on a printed piece of paper.

“Butcher?” Derek questioned, you shrugged.

“Could these be blitz attacks?” you heard Spencer scoff at your suggestion.

“If this was a blitz attack there would be remorse and blunt force trauma somewhere on the head,” Spencer said looking directly at you.

“Oh, i'm so sorry Doctor i didn't know my input was unwanted, let me just keep my thoughts to myself,”

“Guys,” J.J. sighed, “Garcia is going through the victims lives that we have already, I can talk to the family and see if there are any enemies?” Hotch nodded.

“Derek, I want you to join J.J. with the families. Rossi, Emily go to the M.E. together and have a look over the bodies and tox screens. (L/n), Reid and I will go to the police station and start on a geographical and victim board,” everyone nodded in agreement to what Hotch said. Except for Spencer. He just stared at you with dangerous eyes. You rolled yours in return before putting your headphones into your phone and playing music to drown out Spencer's overbearingly loud thoughts.

-

“Okay my lovelies, these first three victims all had the same job at the same court; they’re all a part of a Jury audience” Garcia explained as her fingers tapped on her keyboard through the phone.

“Maybe someone just got out of prison that was wrongly convicted and wanting revenge?” you questioned.

“Maybe, it would have to be something pretty big for them to come back,” Derek said, you nodded in agreement, “baby girl can you see if there are any people that may have been convicted by a jury with our victims in it?”

“Sure can sugar, PG out” the phone clicked off.

“Did you find anything from the M.E.?” Hotch turned to Rossi and Emily as he spoke.

“The pathologist said it was a clean cut without hesitation marks or remorse,” Rossi said.

“No drugs, no blunt force trauma,” Emily shrugged as she talked, “it wasn't a blitz.”

“Maybe planned?” you butted in.

“That’s what it seems like,” Hotch said, “Reid? Have you got anything? J.J.?” Hotch questioned as he looked to the respective people.

“The victims were killed in different areas but its places they frequented; house, bar, bar” Spencer started, “they’re all over the place is all, completely different areas,”

“Yeah, and the families weren’t much help either. One of the victims' families, uh, Emil Gosten? His family said they didn't want anything to do with the investigation because he's had previous death threats and calls and stuff,” J.J. shrugged as the room went quiet.

“Reid, (L/n) I know you two dont like each other but I need two of my sharpest minds to go back to the crime scenes,” Hotch sighed, you groaned but complied as you stalked off with Reid following shortly behind.

-

“Everything looks the exact same as it was left,” you sighed out as you placed a blanket back down on the couch. Spencer scanned the books on the shelf before pulling one out and starting to read it; completely ignoring you.

“Reid,” nothing.

“Reid.” again, nothing.

“Spencer,” nope.

“SPENCE”

“What!” he finally turned to you and answered.

“You couldn't give me some complacency and at least answer me when i talk to you?” you asked annoyed.

“Why would i?” Spencer asked with a bored tone as he placed the book back on the shelf, except he finally talked to you, “The victim is atheist, believes in the justice system…” he sighed and shrugged, “did Hotch just put us together to fuck with us?”

“Maybe,” you flopped onto the couch with a sigh as you rest your head on the backrest. That was until something caught your eye, “Oi genius!” you called out, Spencer came to your side as you pointed to the roof; there, above your heads was a piece of paper taped to the ceiling, “you’re taller than me,” you said quickly as you got up and started moving the couch.

“Woah what- what’re you doing?” Spencer jumped back slightly as you pushed the couch backwards.

“Well we’re going to push this back and then put a chair down for you to stand on so you can reach that note because it can possibly help us get to the unsub,”

“What why me?” Spencer questioned as he helped you push the couch back.

“You’re taller than me and have longer arms,” you walked over to the dining table and came back with a chair, Spencer was reluctant at first but eventually stood on the chair and plucked down the taped note; letting out a breath as he finally stood on the ground again. You plucked the note from Spencer's hand and opened it.

“A music note?” Spencer mumbled.

“Something like that,” you mumbled back, “see it's in the second to bottom gap,” you pointed to the gap to show where it was, as if Spencer couldn't see it already, “um, it would sound something like...um, dmm” you vibrate your voice a little to help Spencer understand, he nodded, “the only problem is there isn’t any clef; normally with music you have a treble clef, alto clef or bass clef. They basically determine what instrument can be played and how the notes are determined” Spencer looked genuinely interested while you explained your thinking, “this...its a singular note, maybe there’s more around?” you looked around the room and tried to desifre if there were any opened drawers or cupboards.

“Maybe there’s another one at the other location?” Spencer questioned, you grinned.

“It might be the unsubs calling card; ‘hey, this is my kill’ type thing!” and with that, you made a break in the case.

-

Spencer called the rest of the team about the break as Hotch allowed the two of you to go to the other victims houses and search for more music notes; low and behold you now had 3 music notes placed under the corresponding victim heads.

“You keep staring at that board as if it's going to give you answers,” Derek said with a grin as he walked into the room; the rest of the team had been called out to another dead body.

“Hmm? Oh I just…” you shrugged, “i just get this feeling about the notes; they have to sound something but we just don't know what yet” before Derek could answer you the shrill of the phone went off.

“(Y/n)?” it was Spencer on loudspeaker; he never called you by your first name.

“Yeah what's up Reid?” you called back.

“We found another note; the round part is under the last line with the stem going up to the second line at the top,” you nodded in response (not that Spencer could see you) as you drew the note on a piece of paper with a sharpener and placed it on the victim board.

“Anything else? A clef at all anywhere?” you asked.

“Um i'm not- i don't think so?” it sounded like Spencer was shuffling around a few things to get a better look, “we have another piece of paper!” Spencer called out, moments later you got a photo on your phone. Sure enough there was a treble clef.

“Spence get everyone back here; i know what the notes mean”

-

“Our unsub is using something called the Dies Irae,” you played the first few notes on your phone over youtube, “you've all heard this song over time just not exactly in an orchestra setting; Star Wars, The Nightmare Before Christmas, The Corpse Bride, Sweeney Todd, The Shining, The Exorcist and many many more,” you played a few other videos of the notes from a few of the movies as everyone nodded.

“I can hear it,” J.J. mumbled.

“Same,” that was Emily.

“Right, so...it was originally used with catholic’s; they used the music in their Requiem services-”

“Requiem services are basically putting the dead to rest,” Spencer cut in quickly so the team could understand.

“Yeah, it's basically a song for the dead to stay dead in a way? I think our unsub is using the Sweeney Todd method; killing his victims with a razor. One slice across the neck while in a private area except this dude isn't a cannibal” you grinned at the remembrance of the film.

“Cannibal?” Derek and Emily questioned.

“In the movie Sweeney Todd is a barber, he comes back for revenge on the man who stole his wife and child and kills people in his barber shop which is also above a pie shop owned by a woman named Mrs Lovett; when Sweeney starts killing they come together in order to bring customers back to Mrs Lovett's pie shop. Because it's set in 1785 meat was expensive so instead they used the dead people as meat to sell to customers” you realised how long winded that explanation was and apologized, “sorry that was..i think our unsub is a barber” was your final statement. Hotch nodded and moved to press a button on the phone in the middle of the table, but the phone started ringing instead.

“Garcia?”

“I think i found our unsub; Chris Gevette, he filed for divorce after he gave evidence of spousal abuse but it seems like his wife had every piece of evidence that would be able to put him in jail rather than her so everything was blamed on him for the abuse and the jury ruled him unable to keep any stable relationship”

“Garcia do you have a work and home address?”

“Sent to your phones now; barber shop and home” the phone clicked off.

“(Y/n) i want you to go to the barber shop with Reid and Derek. Emily, J.J. and I will go to the house; Rossi stays here in case anything else happens.” and with that you all ran to the SUV’s.

-----

“CHRIS GEVETTE FBI!” Derek shouted through the door, your guns were drawn and ready for action as Derek kicked the door in. You moved swiftly through the shop, finding nothing but dust.

“Guys!” you were now out the back as your partners came running, “it's exactly like Sweeney Todd,” you motioned to the stairs in front of you before looking behind you, “there's stars that lead down as well; there may be bodies in there like the movie too, you go down there and i'll go up.”

“(Y/n) let me come with you,” that was Spencer, he looked genuinely concerned.

“I've got this Spence. Go” you started your ascent up the wooden stairs while trying to stay as quiet as you possibly could, “CHRIS GEVETTE,” you called out to the door once you got to it, you could hear the bustle of footsteps and made the split decision. The door was kicked in by you as you pointed your gun to Chris who was now holding a razor to a woman's neck.

“Get away!” Chris screamed, he was frantic; trembling and crying.

“Chris! Chris it's okay, i'm a good guy, okay?” you slowly let go of your gun, “im holstering my gun, okay?” you said as you're-holstered your gun, “Chris i know about the divorce-”

“No you dont!” Chris called, the woman under the razor trembled as the razor cut into her neck slightly.

“I do! Chris, I know you were abused! I know it wasn't you that did the abusing! If you let her go we can help you get custody and instead send that bitch to jail,” Chris looked almost relieved to hear that, he contemplated that for a moment before slowly letting the woman go. She ran over to you as Derek and Spencer finally came up the stairs and started handcuffing Chris.

“We’ve got two other bodies in the basement,” Spencer said to you while you held the trembling woman, “there's medic on the way now,” you nodded in affirmation before starting to help the women calm down and walk down the stairs.

------

The jet finally landed back at the bureau as the rest of your team started packing their things from their desks.

“Um (Y/n)” a voice called, you smiled as you looked up to see the person you least expected.

“Spence?” you questioned; your eyes darted around and couldn't see any other team member in sight, “everyone left already. Sorry. I've been in my own little world,” you gave a tight smile as you continued packing some extra files into your bag.

“It-it’s just me, but um, I just wanted to congratulate you on your break in the case,” the comment from Spencer's timid and small voice caught you off guard so much that you froze for a moment as you stared at him. It all seemed to go quiet, and slow; the clock on the wall seemed to tick at an atrociously slow pace.

Tick…

“(Y/n)?”

Tock…

“Hmm?”

“I uh, i was-”

“Oh, yeah um-”

Pause.

Quiet.

“Thank you,” smile.

Tick…

“I was...was wondering, (Y/n)...”

Tock…

“Yeah Spence?”

“Would you...would you like to go...on a date...with...me?”

Pause.

Quiet.

“With you?”

“Well, I did...I did say ‘me’ I hope- just, just forget it” and the world went back to normal as Spence started walking away.

“No Spence, wait!” you grabbed your things and quickly darted off after him; plunging your arm between the elevator doors and stepping in quickly before they shut behind you.

“Just forget it (Y/n); forget i ever asked and we can just go back to-”

“I would love to go on a date with you”

Tick…

“Really?”

“So long as you don't call me a paramecium again”

Tock…

“I won't; as long as you don't call me a substitute chemistry teacher”

Pause.

Quiet.

“I won't”

“Then it's settled.

Tick…

“Message me?”

“Of course”

Tock…

Smile.

[shadow-assassin-blix]

A Christmas to Remember

Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x Reader/You

This is my Secret Santa gift as part of the #Pedros12DaysofChristmas to one @mickeymouse-moshpit​ who wanted some fluff. This is my first time writing for Whiskey and I had a lot of fun with it. (Also, I sent an anon a while ago but I dont know if you ever saw it, or if tumblr ate it, so if you specified anything else my apologies!) I hope you enjoy this!

Warnings: Talks of loss of childhood dog, Whiskey mentions his deceased wife. Some anxiety issues in the form of trying to be a people pleaser. 

It was a few days before Christmas Eve, and most of the Statesmen were spending the day catching up on paperwork before heading out on vacation. That is where you were; stuck in your office finishing up reports.

It has been a rough couple of weeks for you. A mission you went on a week ago, went terribly. Your CI had gotten killed, and you had almost walked into a trapped that could’ve been the death of you and your team.

Thankfully, another agent who had been your backup got you out of there before anything could happen. Agent Jack “Whiskey” Daniels had been a literal lifesaver that day.

Then on top of that, your childhood dog had passed away over a month ago. He had been about 15, so his passing wasn’t too shocking, but it still broke your heart. He had been with you through so many changes: college, jobs, moves, break-ups. This was the first Christmas in years, that you would be spending it alone.

So, here you were typing up the last report before the holidays, with a smidge of dread.

It was as you were editing the report that you saw Whiskey making his way out of his office across from yours. You had always thought he was extremely handsome. He was a flirt, sure, but he was damn good at his job. You had been trying to figure out how to properly thank him for days since he saved your ass.

You bit your lip as an idea popped up in your head, and found yourself chasing after him, trying to catch up before he got on the elevator.

“Hey Whiskey!” You called out when you see him waiting for the elevator, just ahead of you.

He turned around, slight confusion on his face as he watched you run up to him.

“Where’s the fire darling?” He asked slight concern in his voice.

“Sorry. Um. Was wondering… do you have any plans for Christmas Eve?” You slowly asked, trying to not sound too winded.

“Uh. Not much. I’m on the graveyard shift both nights. Why you ask honey?” He questioned curiously.

“Well. I tend to have a small dinner at home and watch cheesy Christmas movies. I was wondering if you would like to join me? No one should spend the holidays alone or at work,” You offered with a small smile, scratching the back of your neck awkwardly.

Whiskey stared at her surprised. He wasn’t expecting that.

“Um. That’s mighty kind of you. I may take you up on that. I’ll let you know, yeah?” He finally answered not knowing what to say.

You nodded your head, somewhat excitedly.

“Great. No pressure though! I just… don’t want to be alone to be honest. But um. Just let me know, okay?” You said with a wave as you walked back to your office.

You go back inside, finish your edits and sent off the report for review. It was as you were gathering your things, that you realized that what you said… sounded a little guilt trip-y.

You winced as you thought more and more about it. When you got down to your car, and was simply sitting in it, you decided to text him.

‘Hey, umm. I’m sorry if what I said early made you feel awkward. I just wanted to do something nice for you after that mission last week. If I overstepped or made you feel weird, I am sorry.’

You hit sent before typing out one more thing.

‘If you want… we can just ignore that whole conversation.’

You sent it and then threw your phone over into to the seat next to you, not wanting to look at it ever again.

You made your way home and soon enough you were walking upstairs into your apartment. As you set your stuff down, you checked your phone expecting something horrific. There was nothing. You unlocked it to see the conversation, wanting to be sure nothing had been said. All that was there were your two messages. So, you continued on with your night, checking your phone occasionally.

Two days later, it was Christmas Eve, and you still had yet to hear from Whiskey. You simply sigh in resignation that he was either weirded out by you, or just wasn’t interested.

You began cooking your dinner at about 11am. You tended to make a lot of food, despite it usually only being for one person. You loved leftovers and it meant not having to cook a lot for a few days. It was about 3pm when you were fixing up the ham, getting ready to put it in the oven, when you heard a knock at the door.

You stared at it confused before walking over to it. When you opened it, there was a man you didn’t know standing there.

“Uh. Can I help you?” You asked awkwardly looking at him and the dishes he was carrying.

He looked at you then at the door number, and went, “Aw. Shit. Sorry. Got off on the wrong floor. My bad. Um. Merry Christmas?”

You laughed a little and said, “Merry Christmas to you. Enjoy whatever you’re about to eat, it smells delicious!”

He threw a ‘thanks’ over his shoulder as he walked away. You close the door and went back over to your ham. You finished preparing it and set it in the oven, creating a timer for it.

You were in the middle of cleaning up the slight mess that had been from that and was setting the table with everything that you had made earlier when another knock came to your door.

You walk over with a sigh, mentally preparing to direct another person who was at the wrong door. But upon opening it, you were surprised to see Whiskey standing there instead. He was wearing a simple black polo and jeans, a white cowboy hat in one hand and a bottle of wine tucked under his arm.

“Hi,” He greeted with a small smile.

“Hey,” You were shocked to say the least.

It took a moment for your brain to start functioning again before you realized you had yet to let him in. You stepped aside and he walked in setting his hat on a rung on the coat rack.

“I uhh… I brought some white wine. I remember you saying you’re not a fan of red,” He stated showing you the bottle.

You smiled at him meekly, and asked, “You remembered that?”

He nodded with a small smirk, “I only remember the important things.”

“My preference in wine is important?” You questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Indeed. I find most things that you tell me about yourself important. How else would I be able to woo you?” He fired back his smirk growing.

You felt your face warm with embarrassment before clearing your throat, “Ahem. Um. Dinner will be ready in about 30 minutes. There’s plenty to snack on as well, so help yourself.”

You made your way into the kitchen to get a bottle opener and a pair of wine glasses. Whiskey followed you, taking the opener from you gently. He quietly opened the bottle and poured the both of you glasses.

He then picked up both glasses and took them over to the couch, holding them, waiting for you to join him. You sat down next to him and took one. You clinked your glasses together before taking a sip.

You turned slightly to look at him, leaning back on your couch.

“Are you uh… still doing the graveyard shift tonight?” You politely asked, fiddling with the stem of your drink.

“No. I’m not. Decided against it,” He answered softly.

“Why uhh… why did you agree to do them in the first place, if I may ask?” You inquired, propping your arm up on the back of the couch to rest your head on it.

“Nothin’ better to do. Haven’t really celebrated the holidays in years. Not uhh. Not since my wife died,” He admitted with a flinch.

You stared at him, horrified. You didn’t know what to say. What does one say after that?

“I’m sorry… if this.. if this bothers you, you don’t have to stay,” You whispered feeling awful.

“It doesn’t bother me. Not as much as I thought it would. To be honest, I had planned on saying no. But. I don’t know. Somethin’ kept naggin’ at me to go. Maybe it’s cause yer the first woman in years that I’ve truly been interested, if it’s not too forward of me to say?” He confessed looking you in the eyes.

As you met his gaze, could see the honesty in his eyes. You set your glass of wine down, and got up, to walk over to the fridge. You reached in and pulled out 2 beers.

“Drinking wine doesn’t quite feel right for the current mood,” You lamely joked handing him one of them.

He chuckled softly and murmured in agreement.

“I lost my dog a month ago… Old age. Passed away in his sleep. ‘Best way for a pet to go’ as I’ve been told by everyone. Never really knew just how quiet this place can get without him. Thought about getting another to fill the void but I don’t know… None quite measure up I guess,” You told him before taking a swig of beer wincing slightly at taste of it mixing with the wine.

“I was about to ask, I remember you talking about him a lot,” He said with a nod.

“I know it’s silly, to not want to spend a holiday alone when your usual company was a dog-” You began to explain before he cut you off.

“It’s not silly to me. Now, I’m not quite sure who put that in ya head, but he was yer family. Just because he was a pet, doesn’t invalidate that or your grief,” He began, his hand gently brushing against your cheek. “I’m just… happy that ya asked me to come be with you.”

You smiled in appreciation, your hand reaching up to touch his as you leaned your cheek into it.

He slowly moved forward, his eyes glancing between yours and your lips, silently asking for permission. His lips slowly met yours a moment after you nodded your once. You kissed back just as hesitantly. His hand at your cheek, slowly slid into your hair bring you closer.

The kiss was slow but with each second that passed, the both of you gained more confidence. The kiss became deeper and more passionate. Your hands slid around his neck, slowly burying themselves into his hair. His other hand was fiddling with the hem of your shirt, brushing against the skin he found there.

The only reason why either of you pulled away was to suck in some much-needed air as you felt your lungs burn a little.  You wanted to go back for more, but the kitchen timer was going off, signaling the ham was done. The both of you chuckle as you took in the state of each other: lips swollen, hair a mess.

You quietly stood up to go take the ham out of the oven. The both of you fixed up a plate, and began to watch a few Christmas movies, curling up next to each on the couch. You were about halfway through the Nightmare Before Christmas when you paused it to put your plates into the sink.

“Before we continue… I.. I got you something,” You said to him walking over to your tree.

You picked up a small box that you had labelled as “Whiskey.”

The both of you returned to the couch, as you handed him the present.

He opened it stating, “I didn’t get you anything. Now I feel a bit bad ‘bout that”

As he opened the box to reveal a watch his breath caught. He looked at it and then slowly turned his wrist to look at the watch he had on. It was almost identical to the one he wore now, just silver instead of gold.

He pulled it out gently, examining it. What really got him was when he saw the engraving at the back. It had his name… and the name of his wife.

His gaze turned to you in confused amazement.

“I’ve seen you prepare for missions a lot, and when I first started, I was one of the people who had to lock up personal items when the mission called for extreme discretion. I noticed on your watch it had a name on it. I didn’t know who she was, but I figured she had to be pretty important to you. You mentioned a while back that it broke, and no one’s been able to repair it. So, I tried to find one that looked similarly,” You explained biting your lip.

He looked at you for a moment longer, before turning back to the watch. He gently set the watch back into its box.

You opened your mouth to apologize when he stopped you… by pulling you into a kiss. The kiss was brief but passionate.

“Thank you, darlin’. That’s… that’s the kindest thing anyone’s done for me in a long while,” He whispered against your lips, as he reached up to wipe away a tear that had escaped.

“You’re welcome. I was hoping you’d like it. I was worried you’d hate it,” You admitted.

“You worry too much. You need to stop worryin’ about upsettin’ everyone all the time. You are one of the best agents we have, and everyone adores you,” He assured you, kissing you again and pulling you into his arms.

You smiled sheepishly at that and nodded. You curled back into his side, and he held you as close as possible. You continued to watch movies until you fell asleep, feeling safe and warm next to him.

As morning came and you slowly woke up on the couch, a blanket covering you. As you sat up, looking around, you realized you were alone. You got up looking around trying to see if he left a note.

As you walked toward the kitchen to your phone, you realized that it had been cleaned up. He had put away and saved the food that had been left out.

She checked her phone and saw that there was one message waiting for her.

‘Needed to go do some things. Merry Christmas, beautiful. If it’s alright, I’d like to see you again tonight?’ -Whiskey

You sent a quick response back, ‘I would love to see you tonight! Merry Christmas!’

The rest of the day you went and hung out with some friends for Christmas and did gift exchanges. When you finally came back home, it was late in the day. You set the presents down and freshened up really quick before Whiskey arrived.

It didn’t take very long before you heard a knock on the door; perfectly timed since you had just finished cleaning up. You could feel yourself get excited at the thought of seeing Whiskey again. You walked over to the door to see Whiskey standing there with a large box in his arms, that was brightly colored.

You stared at him, slightly confused at the box. It was as you stared at it that you noticed a shimmer of silver. He had put on the watch.

“Hey darlin’. So. Funny story. I went out planning to ask a friend a question… when I saw something in an alleyway,” He began to explain hesitantly.

He slowly lifted the lid off to reveal a puppy. “He was alone. Took him to my friend who works with a shelter and had one of those fancy scanner things that checks for microchips. Found none. When I told him where I found this lil guy, they said it’s a common place for people to dump pets.”

You stared at the puppy wide-eyed, vaguely aware of what Whiskey was saying to you. The puppy gave a small bark, and his tail wagged excitedly. You could feel your heart melting as you stared at him. You could feel your eyes swelling up with tears.

You slowly reached forward, holding your hand out to his face to sniff. He sniffed it once and then began to lick your hand several times, causing you to choke out a laugh. You then picked up out of the box and held him close to you.

He gave you several kisses before snuggling into your arms.

“I uh… I think I’m gonna have to keep him,” You said tearily as you held him.

“Those are happy tears, right?” He asked nervously.

“Yes. Very happy,” You answered with a laugh, moving back to let him in.

“I had planned on just askin’ my friend about any available dogs for you, thinkin’ maybe we could go find you one tomorrow when the shelter was open. Then I just found him on my way over. I ain’t a big believer in fate but…” He trailed off smiling as he watched you.

“You wanted to take me on a date to find a puppy?” She asked setting the puppy down to let him explore.

“Yes ma’am. I did indeed,” He replied stepping toward her. “Now, however, I think it’s gonna be a get supplies for the little rascal kind of date.”

“I’m good with that, but uhh…  I do believe that I need to kiss you right now,” You said with moving closer to him.

“Oh? Is that right? Well then... please don’t let me stop you,” He drawled as his arms wrapped around your waist pulling you in as close as he could.

You giggled in response as you kissed him slowly and thoroughly, your arms around his neck. He kissed back, his arms lifting you slightly off your feet.

You broke apart when you heard a little bark at your feet. The both of you looked down to see the puppy staring up at the two of you, tilting his head.

You reached down and picked him up and as you held him, you looked at Whiskey who was smiling brightly at you.

“Not gonna lie, honey. This has probably been one of the better Christmases I’ve had in a long time,” He said fondly.

“Same here. Maybe uhh… when the holidays are over, we could go on some proper dates?” You proposed.

“I’d like that. I’d like that a lot,” He remarked pressing a kiss to your lips, before giving a small kiss to the puppy’s forehead.

You smiled and as the two of you spent the rest of the evening together, the both of you realized something. This wasn’t what you were expecting for Christmas at all, but neither of them will ever complain. This was a Christmas to remember.

[psnowflake]

Charades and a Drink (A Post-Frozen 2 ficlet)

Wrote this cause I really miss writing about fluff/angst. Doesn’t really have anything to do with my other fic. Just had the urge to write this prompt. Hope you guys enjoy it. May continue it. Idk. Link for the fic on ffn is here.

Charades.

This was the third round in a row where she had failed to obtain any points for her and Anna's team. She was bad at this game. She knew it. And seriously, three bouts in a row with no progress? She couldn't quite believe it herself.

But it wasn't her fault that she was so...distracted. It wasn't quite like last time when there was a melodious voice persistently invading her thoughts. This time it was something far more down to earth.

Kristoff was being more touchy with Anna than usual.

Not that it bothered her.

They were engaged now. It would make perfect sense if he wanted to be more forward.

It was just…

Ever since she returned from the enchanted forest earlier that morning, she couldn't help but focus on these details in their interactions.

And if she had to be perfectly honest, it made her feel...sad?

Jealous even?

She didn't quite understand it herself.

"Snow?! This one was so easy! It's basically the same thing as ice!" Anna complained as she reviewed the word that Elsa had been struggling with the entire round.

Anna wasn't mad at Elsa per se. She was just over competitive, and frankly she was tired of Olaf and Kristoff always winning. She really wanted to win at least once tonight.

"I'm sorry." Elsa apologized in embarrassment. "Maybe you should play without me. I'm really not good at these kinds of games. I'm sure one of the servants would be happy to join you if you asked."

"Elsa wait-"

"It's really not a big deal, Anna." She assured the younger girl. "I think you would have a lot more fun playing with Kai. I'll go get him real quick."

Elsa began heading for the door to go fetch the said servant, but not before Anna lunged off the couch to grab a hold of her arm.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to yell. I really don't care about winning or not. Just...please don't leave me." Anna wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged her tightly, and for a second Elsa swore she heard the younger girl whimper.

"I...okay, I won't leave." Elsa responded while patting the younger girl's head, but was then shocked to find that Anna really was crying. She swallowed suddenly, not sure what had gotten into the other girl, but she reached down to cup her sister's cheeks and caressed them softly.

"Hey." She said, bringing Anna's face close to hers so that their foreheads were touching. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Anna hiccuped and nodded, burying herself again into Elsa's chest.

Kristoff looked back and forth between the two of them.

"We'll give you two some alone time. Come on, guys." Kristoff got up and signaled for Sven and Olaf to follow.

"Wait...are you sure?" Elsa asked. "I didn't mean to take you guys away from your game…" She said guiltily.

"It's fine, Elsa. You two should really have the rest of the night to yourselves. Isn't that right, Olaf?"

"Yup! Me and Elsa definitely need some alone time together." The snowman joked, inching away cheekily from the ice harvester.

"Not quite on the mark there buddy." Kristoff said before dragging Olaf out of the room with him. The door shut behind them, and Elsa was left in the silence with Anna still cuddled up against her.

"Anna?" She rubbed the top of the girl's head gently.

"I missed you."

Elsa smiled softly at that. "I missed you too, sis."

It had merely been two weeks since she had decided to live away from the castle. Realistically, it shouldn't have been anything worth crying over, and it certainly paled in comparison to how long they had been apart from before.

But Elsa would be lying if she said she didn't miss home.

Some nights she found herself crying herself to sleep.

The living conditions had been rough. She wasn't used to not having servants around at all times, and not having meals prepared for her at the earliest convenience. It was different, and the comforting lifestyle that she had grown accustomed to was no longer present.

But the reason she had cried wasn't because of the change in living standards. Those factors were trivial, things she could adapt to, get used to.

The reason she had cried...it was because she didn't have moments like this anymore.

Moments with Anna.

It made more of a difference to her than she was willing to admit.

Can I really keep doing this?

She wrapped her arms tight around Anna, suddenly struck with the need to cheer up the younger girl's spirits as soon as possible.

"Do you want to sleep with me tonight?" Elsa proposed.

Anna looked up at her gratefully and nodded.

-----------------------

She wondered if it was really okay to be drinking wine at this hour, and in all honesty, she had never seen Anna drink before. Whether the younger girl was a lightweight remained an absolute mystery to her.

But Anna had proposed that they ask for a bottle. It was her first time back after all. And they were having such a good time in their room; sharing stories, making jokes, reminiscing on the past, Elsa didn't have the heart to reject her beloved sister's request.

So here they were now. Merely on their second glass, and Elsa was already starting to see the alcohol take effect on her poor lightweight Anna.

"Too much to drink? Already?" Elsa teased.

Anna pouted, her face flushed red, from the alcohol or embarrassment, Elsa couldn't tell anymore. "Jus because your perfect at everything, doesn't mean I a-am."

Elsa smiled softly. "I'm far from perfect, sis."

"You're perfect to me." Anna said before grabbing Elsa's waist from behind and cuddling up against her back.

Elsa chuckled, more or less endeared by the drunk display of affection.

"Well you should definitely work on that tolerance. It wouldn't be proper for a queen to act like this at formal occasions. You never know when other dignitaries will ask for a toast." She joked. Mostly.

Anna was quiet and still. Not responding to what she had said in the slightest.

Did she fall asleep?

"Anna?"

"I don't want to be queen."

It was so quiet, barely above a whisper that Elsa almost didn't make it out. But Anna's attitude had changed almost entirely from their previous exchange.

"What do you-"

"I don't want to be queen." She repeated.

Elsa blinked, taken aback, and then laughed softly, turning around and taking Anna's hand into her own. "I think you've had enough to drink for the night. All that wine has you thinking out of sorts."

But Anna wouldn't back down apparently, not after opening up as much as she had. Before Elsa had time to react, Anna was pushing Elsa onto the floor so that she was on top.

Elsa's heart leapt into her throat at their position. "Anna-"

She felt Anna's hands come down to caress both sides of her face, gently, as if she were an art sculpture that could break at a moment's notice. She was so close, their noses almost touching, and Elsa could clearly make out the precise shade of teal in Anna's eyes. She was suddenly filled with a strange desire to close the distance between them in some way.

But Anna was crying again, silently, tears streaking down her cheeks to eventually fall onto her own pale skin. Elsa could do nothing but remain silent and watch, praying that the tears weren't there because of her.

But that was unlikely.

"Why did you push me away?"

Elsa's eyes went wide.

"What?"

"You said we would be together didn't you? So why...why do you still feel so far away?"

The question struck deep within her soul, forcing Elsa to confront the issue that she herself had been admittedly running away from.

Why was she always running?

Why was Anna always crying?

Strangely enough, she found herself trying to answer Anna's question. Maybe the wine was starting to get to her too.

"I-I dont know." She admitted. "I thought that you deserved it. To be queen, I mean. And...you just got engaged. I thought it was the right timing for something like this."

"And...and I'm the fifth spirit." She continued half heartedly. "I should be out there...in the forest. That's where I belong."

Anna stared at her sternly.

"Do you really believe that?"

Did she?

Of course not. But it was something that she had lied about before, and it would've been better if she just lied about it again.

Yet for some odd reason, she couldn't bring herself to say it this time.

"I-"

"Do you love me?"

What?

"O-of course I do."

Anna leaned in close, to the point where Elsa could feel the younger girl's breath fanning over her cheeks.

Her heart stopped at Anna's next words.

"Do you want to be with me?"

Elsa found herself trapped under Anna's earnest gaze. Yet her mind was clear, and the answer held there was without a doubt how she really felt.

She nodded.

"Then stay…" Anna whispered. "Stay with me Elsa."

"Because I can't live another day without you."

A heartbeat.

And then...

Anna inched forward and kissed her.

Elsa was frozen. Shocked.

But to her own growing surprise, a single thought dominated in her conscience.

Her lips are warm.

Slowly but surely…

Elsa kissed back.

A minute passed before they broke away together. Anna leaned back, staring into Elsa's eyes. Nothing was said between them, and nothing needed to be in that moment, until Anna finally brought her head down and rested it against the older girl's chest.

Elsa's heart was beating rapidly. Faster than she had ever experienced before. Faster than she probably wanted.

Words were threatening to leave her lips, and she wanted so badly to just let herself be open.

So badly for once in her life to put her guard down.

And so she did.

"I love you, Anna." She choked out tearfully. "So much that it scares me. I don't know what to do anymore." She admitted.

Anna remained silent, and so Elsa continued.

"But I do know that whatever happens, I want to be together with you. I should've never pushed you away…"

"And I'm sorry."

"Will you forgive me?"

Elsa waited for a response, but again Anna said nothing.

Was Anna still mad at her?

But then she heard it, a deep rhythmic breathing, serene, puffing gently against her chest.

Anna had fallen asleep.

Elsa stared, mouth agape at the resting form of her sister. Had she been talking to herself? And for how long? Embarrassment flooded her cheeks to a dark shade of red.

She really is a lightweight.

Steering herself, Elsa gathered Anna into her arms from the floor and gently brought her to her bed, pulling back the sheets, and tucking the younger girl in.

She sat there next to her. Her thoughts to herself, and her mind simply trying to wrap around everything that had happened in the past hour. Eventually, she laid down next to Anna and stared up at the ceiling.

Her tiredness got the better of her, and Elsa found her eyes slowly shutting, submitting to the gentle lull of sleep.

But moments before sleep consumed her, a thought made its way to the forefront of her mind.

The truth.

I want to kiss her again.

-----------------------

Elsa found Anna the next morning in the dining hall.

"Morning Els!" Anna smiled cheerfully.

"M-morning." Elsa replied shyly. She wasn't exactly sure what to expect from this conversation, but Anna's cheerfulness must've meant that things were okay right? She decided to go along with it. "I'm surprised to see you awake before me for once."

"I know right. I must've gone to bed really early last night."

Anna's words gave her pause.

"Y-you don't remember?" Elsa asked.

"Remember what?" Elsa's shocked expression made Anna gasp in realization. "Oh no. Did I drink again?"

"Y-yeah…"

"Oh god, I didn't do anything stupid did I?" Anna laughed in embarrassment. "I'm sorry if I did, I never remember anything after I drink. I really need to stay away from the wine."

"Nothing happened." Elsa lied. "I just...I'm surprised that you don't remember anything…"

Surprised was selling it short.

Disappointed.

Heartbroken.

Anna must've noticed her change in expression. "Elsa? You okay?"

She really wasn't okay.

She was surprised herself, just how disappointed she felt.

What did you expect? That something would come out of this?

Of course she wouldn't remember. She was drunk for Christ's sake.

Why would you get this excited from an accidental kiss with your sister?

You're sick.

There's something wrong with you.

Her inner thoughts tormented her, to the point where she had the immediate urge to cry, but on the outside she forced a thin smile, an act that she had practiced for years to a near perfection.

Elsa hated doing it.

She absolutely hated lying to Anna.

"I'm fine."

But old habits died hard.

Especially when you were in love with your sister.

-----------------------

"Anna!"

Kristoff found her in the halls of the castle. She had just returned from seeing Elsa off at the docks.

"Did Elsa already leave?" Kristoff asked.

"Mhm. I just saw her off."

"Ah bummer. Wish I could've said bye to her at least."

"It's okay." She said cheerfully. "She'll be back before you know it."

Wistfully, she turned her attention to the window, staring out at the fjord, wondering if she could see Elsa riding on Nokk from all the way up here.

"You miss her already, don't you?"

"Hm?" Anna perked up. "I'm okay. I mean I have you here after all!"

Kristoff smiled at the gesture, and leaned down to capture Anna's lips in a kiss.

They stayed that way until Anna broke away first. She smiled politely up at him afterwards.

"I have some work I need to get done. I'll meet up with you later, okay?"

Kristoff nodded, and she made her way around the corner of the halls where she wouldn't be seen.

Once she was out of sight she pressed her back against the wall and fell to the floor.

She tried to forget it. If she could lie to Elsa about it, then surely she could lie to herself.

But love wasn't something so easily forgotten.

Throughout the entirety of her kiss with Kristoff, she had only thought of one thing.

She wanted to kiss Elsa again.

[batz]

its actually kinda funny 2 me that u happened 2 just reblog a post about "I'm Thinking of Ending Things" tonight because one of my favorite youtubers i like to watch just started his mulan 2020 review by recommending his viewers to watch "I'm Thinking of Ending Things" instead of mulan so all ik now is that im thinking of ending things is a whole lot better than mulan 2020 jdkfdkfjk

YEAH I JUST WATCHED THE VIDEO UR TALKING ABT FHDKDHD i mean i dont know WHY he stsrted out with saying that Im Thinking Of Ending Things is better than Mulan its a weird comparison but... i mean its true tho i guess??? HDSJDHSKS

wonderful film tho. i hated it initially bc i made the bad mistake of being high while watching it and it freaked me out really bad. like my brain just couldn't handle the dialogue bc no one speaks like a normal person in that film and it made me panic HDJSHDJD its also VERY confusing and you kinda gotta watch it a couple times to get it (or just watch a lot of videos explaining it/breaking it down)

my original interpretation of the movie made the movie feel like a pretentious piece of Garbage™, an easy story to write anf make Look cerebral and surreal. all aesthetic over a simple premise. BUUUTTT now that i know the actual story, its somehow even more simple but a lot more emotionally poignant. i wish i could explain what im talking about but i dont want to spoil it.

like, basically when u DO watch the film, dont expect to get ANY answers. it feels like a weird mix of the dinner scene from Eraserhead and the bojack horseman episode The View From Halfway Down, its just a LOT of everything. a very confusong overwhelming ride from start to finish. just watch it sober thats all DJSDHDJDJ