#dongsung angst

[hyubcore]

[8:44pm]

you sigh as you crawl beneath the covers, feeling the soft cotton envelop you whole. you were tired from the day you left behind you, full of work, errands, and chores around your apartment. you closed your eyes, and then you suddenly were awoken by the chime of your phone alerting you that your lovely boyfriend, hun, was at your door.

you groaned as you crawled out of bed as you scolded yourself for forgetting that he would be coming over. you felt bad, you loved hun and hated when he saw you in such a raw state like this; tired, beat down, worn out from the day. you quickly fixed your hair before opening the door, smiling wide at him.

"hi darling," he greeted, giving you a hug and kiss on top of your head. "what's going on?"

"not much. i'm really tired, to be honest. i'm sorry," you apologized, looking up at him. he smiled small and shook his head.

"no need to worry, love. we'll just rest tonight, okay?" he said in that soft voice he sported when he knew you were feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed. you puckered your lips for a kiss, and he obliged, giving you a soft peck. you loved how delicate he was with you, he truly treated you like royalty.

you went up to your room, and he turned on the tv and put on your favorite show to watch together. the best shows to watch with one another were the ones where you didn't necessarily have to pay attention, where you could watch any given episode and it would entertain you. he cuddled you as you closed your eyes and put your head on his chest. you could hear the soft hum and sounds of the tv, but something still felt dull, and it was weighing on you like a brick.

"hunie," you cooed, looking up at your boyfriend. "can you sing to me?"

hun smiled before looking up and trying to think of a song. he then patted your head, gesturing for you to rest again, then began to sing.

when i look into your eyes i can see a love restrained but, darlin', when i hold you don't you know i feel the same?

[key201303]

Guide (COMING SOON)

Masterlist

Fan art (COMING SOON)

[kbandtrash]

N.F Idol GF (Dongsung)

~Rachel~

@/anon thanks for the request! Inspiration came backwards this time 😅 the rest are on the way!

Masterlist

Content: established relationship, secret dating, lil angst, fluff

Word count: .8k

This one definitely continues off of the kiss me miss me au

To recap essentially you met as trainees and you were instant best pals

You can basically read each other’s minds like it’s a little freaky sometimes

Not sure if you ever really said “hey let’s date”

It was just a mutual understanding that you were a couple now

Anyway when you finally finally finally debuted

As like I don’t know the bassist of an FNC girlband

(Which is. a need)

You were allowed to post that he gifted you a pretty set of picks

As well as flowers for both you and the rest of the group

What you were not allowed to post was the couple bass charms he bought

Which you both hope you’ll be able to put on your cases someday

He came and surprised you and your bandmate on vlive

And the two of you stole the show whoops

Your poor bandmate looked like a third wheel

And no one could follow along with what you were talking about

Because mind reading

And you left out like every other sentence

Anyway after he said goodbye you had some very serious defense to put up

“Dating?? Couple???”

Very careful not to deny because that would hurt his feelings so much

Like he would understand totally of course but it would hurt you know?

But also definitely careful not to confirm because that would be Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with D and that stands for Dispatch

“We’ve been close since we were trainees”

“We‘ve known each other for what almost eight years?”

“We’re very close”

It’s a good thing you were friends for so long before you started dating

It was a surprisingly sturdy alibi

He loves playing your songs on his Rolling to Nfia

His silly little smile

He gets so happy

And when you cover his bass lines on your vlives?

Baby

He is so soft

He always wishes he could gush about you to Nfia as you are rather than just as a close friend

He has been Hwhipped for you since relationship day 1

And just like.

He wants to do normal couple things for the world to see

Hence the charms

But he wants to do couple rings so bad

You have a few odd matching pairs of shoes but you have to be careful with those sometimes

If anyone were to look through your closets, they would be appalled at how much stuff you have that matches

It helps that when either of you is out in public, your stylists dress you

But it’s kind of a wonder that no one’s caught your matchy-matchy antics yet

Back to that “we’ve been friends forever” alibi though

The two of you visit each other on sets all the time

The two of you go out to lunch on break together at least once a week

You were almost invited to Seunghyub Summer Camp

Because

“Oh we’re just so close!”

“We’ve known each other for so long!”

“We just really enjoy each others’ company!”

And people just eat it up

“What a pure friendship ㅠㅠ”

“I hope I can have a friendship like that”

"Why can’t I be friends with them”

For now though he’s okay with the world not knowing

As long as he gets to spend time with you

His smile when he opens up the door to see you on the other side is the most precious and pure thing

The little sparkles in his eyes when he sees you in the sweater he bought you

And when he rushes back into his room to change into the one that matches

The number of times you’ve accidentally fallen asleep on the living room floor because you were hanging out like it was a middle school sleepover

And the number of nights he’s spent on the couch with you at your dorm when you try to pull all-nighters watching dramas

So much wasted leftover tteokbokki because you fell asleep before you could put it away

Anyway you’ll probably be the one to buy couple rings

He doesn’t want to do it until you’re out to the public

But you need to know if you can physically make him cry with a sweet gesture

You know exactly how much it would mean to him

He already gives the best hugs

Jaehyun’s girlfriend gave him flowers one time and he didn’t shut up about it for weeks

You know deep in your soul that you need to get Dongsung to do something like that

There’s really just nothing like when his emotions get too big for his heart to handle

He has so much love to give and when he receives it in return??

Anyway I’m soft for Seo Dongsung I hope everyone is okay with that

~끝~

Seunghyub

[2idiots]

so... i'm thinking about getting actually into n.flying. i've listened to their title tracks and their most recent album, and i can tell the members apart and know a little about them (i think hwesung is my bias atm) but where should i start if i want to learn more? thank u!!!

I support your decision to dive into N.Flying head first, they are chaotic individuals that deserve all the love and support in the world. I'm not sure of any great resources to just learn everything about them right off the bat, especially because a lot of sh!t has happened to them since they first started promoting in Japanese clubs in 2013. 

Read more for an overview and some youtube recommendations... warning there’s a lot, I wrote you a book and I’m sorry. But also please read if you’re interested ⇟⇟

An important timeline of major life changing moments:

They officially debuted in Korea in 2015 with FNC label, starting out as a four piece band with Seunghyub, Jaehyun, Hun, and Kwangjin (their first bassist). These songs had a lot more stereotypical rock vibes, this is awesome and lonely. They were a LOT more angsty here

Hweseung came into the mix in 2017. He finished up his military service in 2016 and joined FNC for 8 months before joining N.Flying for the Real where they use him as bait to catch a mermaid lol. They also lightened up on the angst... kinda 🤣🤣. This time also included Hot Potato and HOW R U TODAY?

In December 2018, Kwangjin "voluntarily" left N.Flying because he was seeing fans outside of schedules. Also because rumors of sexual harassment to female fans in events. As of May 2019 he filed a lawsuit against his accusers and denied all rumors. (There's not much published news past then other than Kwangjin enlisted and has won a few medals in the military.)

Back to a four person group, their senior Lee Jaejin (from FTISLAND) subbed in as their bassist on tour

Their first win happened on March 2019 with Rooftop. Which Seunghyub wrote and first published to his soundcloud (go check it out, he is so crazy talented). They performed it on tour before "officially" releasing it with FNC (cause FNC sucks). This is the win where Jaehyun sobs so hard he can't speak and a bunch of groups hug him (most notably Rowoon from SF9). (Starlight was also released on Seunghyub's soundcloud prior to FNC's release.)

Now we're mostly caught up (on major life changing moments in their career)! Dongsung officially joined N.flying January 2020, however he had been playing with them as an unofficial member before his addition was announced. Dongsung previous debuted with (disbanded group) Honeyst, also under FNC (FNC sucks). He also trained with the rest of N.flying and you'll might hear Seunghyub talk about how he has always been friends with Dongsung and was there after Honeyst disbanded in April 2019 to encourage Dongsung to keep performing. His first MV was Amnesia but his first official debut (I guess you would call it) was Oh Really.

Lol you're really getting a whole novel and I'm so sorry for that. Just a few more things I promise. Here is a quick overview of the members:

Seunghyub/JDON: The leader/ rapper and deeper vocalist, he has actually no control of them, he writes/composes/produces, he is a maknae collector, v nice see here and here

Cha Hun: the lead guitarist, an emo boy, owned by his cat Romang, i have no doubt he will poison you if you talk bad about her, kinda evil like actually evil, only a few days older than Jaehyun but still thinks he's old, ½ of 2idiots

Jaehyun: drummer, has an absurdly big mouth, the embodiment of pure chaotic good, laughs like this 😆, still acts like the maknae even though he is now the middle child, has a cute dog that I think Hun sees as competition, ½ of 2idiots

Hweseung: lead vocalist, amazing vocals go watch Still Love You (you'll know why I sent you around 3 mins in), loves pats (they literally all pat him except maybe dongsung but give it time), he did so many immortal songs b o y

Dongsung: bassist, current maknae, apparently he has m u s c l e s, father's son (seunghyub is his dad), he worked really hard to be here and if you're not nice to him I'll fight you

Now you might be curious about:

Why is Seunghyub a maknae collector? Well this single father started with Jaehyun as the baby, then added Hweseung as the baby, and now Dongsung is the youngest member. Lol and he definitely spoils his three children

Why is Seunghyub 28 (international age) and not enlisting? He had a bad accident that caused chronic pain in his leg, he's had multiple surgeries and it pushed back their debut. He was exempt from enlisting.

Why is Hun evil? Well he has a habit of cheating to make other members more confused (see the dreaded game of mafia poor seunghyub), just as chaotic as Jaehyun but it's hidden behind his emo exterior

Why is Jaehyun so chaotic? Good question no one knows. If you find out please share.

What is 2idiots? I thought there were 5 idiots? Correct there are 5 idiots in this group, however 2idiots is Jaehyun and Hun's youtube channel where they do dumb stuff and are hilarious.

Anyway thank you for joining me on this journey that you probably didn't ask for 🤣. If you want to learn more I suggest watching 2idiots, Seunghyub's Summer Camp, that one cooking thing, the weekly idol with Day6, this questions video, and many more.

[mushmin]

When it began, there were thirteen. Thirteen lightning bugs, clumped together, infinite and immortal in their own eyes. They lit up, and they sank into darkness, and they knew with absolute certainty they would all light up again. They were told there were too many of them, of course they were. But there couldn't be a limit on misfits. There were thirteen, and then there were twelve. Because thirteen was too many, and they couldn't be bright and shine for the few seconds they were allowed every night. No, one night thirteen lights would have to blink out, and only twelve would be allowed to shine again. They stared at the body as if it was foreign, as if the morgue staff had somehow identified the corpse wrong and no, no this wasn't Dongsung because it couldn't be. Because Dongsung was supposed to be okay, he was supposed to serve his two years and come back just fine. Hyosang can remember sitting with his feet tucked under Dongsung's covers, both of them reclined on his bed. He'd never decided to live with them, never decided to abandon his little apartment.  "Two years is all, right? Just two years. Not a second longer, don't you dare stay a second longer." Hyosang knew he was begging, knew he was being annoying and repeating the same things but god, sue him, he needed to know. Needed to hear the words from Dongsung in that way of his, with that little lilt and that melody in every word that was so distinctly Dongsung. "I'll come back to you all. Give me these two years, and I will come back. I promise you." And then it was okay, because Dongsung had promised it and that made it fact. It never occurred to Hyosang that perhaps Dongsung had known somehow, in that way he knew that Taeyang needed to take a break from practice or that Hansol needed a long hug, that he wouldn't be around for long. Perhaps he had known it would end this way, and that's why he'd never moved in, why he'd made his little apartment so impersonal and plain. Maybe Dongsung had known all along, and he'd taken every possible measure to make sure there would be no vacancy in their lives, that everything would run the way it would have before. Maybe, somehow, without any of the others noticing, Dongsung had painted himself as a frivolity in their lives. Sehyuk and Dongsung had always had their moment, their personalities so different yet somehow, so alike. They'd always found solace in the other's mind, even if it was a silent understanding. Sehyuk had known the possibilities for what it meant when Dongsung left, perhaps even before Dongsung had, had known that the little firefly that stayed a little to the left of the group but always with them, could fall prey to the grasses that tickled them all. Sehyuk knew all this, but he prayed he was a pessimist with every letter, every reassuring correspondence. In time, he even started believing it. How cruel fate was, to twist a knife in Sehyuk, make him believe he was wrong and they would be okay until the very end. How brutally the universe must be laughing now, as it takes Dongsung from them with only six days left to his service. How stupid Sehyuk was, to believe he could keep thirteen alight when he could barely see a reason to shine himself. When Jiho danced, Dongsung's eyes were there, watching him. Jiho learned to expect it, to count on it as he counts on his own two feet to hit the ground when he jumps. "Why do you watch me dance?" Jiho had asked, one particular day when the members had emptied and the two were the only ones left. "Because it's beautiful." Dongsung had said it so matter-of-factly, as if it was obvious. "Because you dance like you could take flight any moment." "It's hip hop." Jiho had retorted. He smiled. "I know." He'd said. "So are you." Jiho didn't know why that was all he could remember about his hyung when he left for the military, that when he searched his heart for memories to hold dear that was the one that flew to his fingertips, but he held to it and prayed that it wouldn't leave him, prayed that it could watch him dance and tell him the harshest truth with the most flowery words. Somehow, Jiho had always known the inevitability of Dongsung's departure, had known that he was too warm and too grounded to fly for long. He'd known it ever since Dongsung had whispered, "You dance like you can fly. I don't think I'll ever be able to fly." Dongsung would fall, and Jiho would fly, and Dongsung would watch. This, Jiho knew. It never occurred to Hyosang, sometimes occurred to Sehyuk, and was constantly occurring to Jiho that Dongsung would break his promise. That maybe, one day, his body would arrive on a plane from the border, missing limbs and too much blood and that smile that was always on his face. It never occurred to Hyosang until it was happening, until he saw the casket wrapped in a flag and felt his chest collapse and his knees give way. It was never confirmed to Sehyuk until he saw the emptiness in Dongsung's eyes, and felt his own mind blank out in response. It never ceased to nag at Jiho until he ran his finger over the bloody stump where Dongsung's left leg once was, and thought, some parts of you were able to fly. Somehow, none of these notions managed to silence their tears, their wails in nights to come, their screams as they awaken and their sleepless nights spent curled into Dongsung's sheets. There was never a more perfect vacancy than the one with no physical evidence. Never a more perfect scar than one that had never drawn blood. The twelve of them wore the scar Dongsung had left them, and bore his cruelty to refuse them anything more in memoriam. When they blinked out now, it took them just a few moments too long in the darkness to remember how to shine again.

[besotacito]

Instagram

Group: ToppDogg / XENO-T

Pairing: broken!XeSol (Xero/Hansol/Minsung)

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Angst, AU, romance

Trigger warnings: non-explicit mention of depression/suicide attempts.

Word count: 2,133

Note: This is the first time I make an attempt at writing a fanfic in English. I originally wrote it in Spanish so most of it is actually just translated, but there are some parts I edited and adapted so it’d sound a bit better? in English, I guess. Please do notify me of inconsistencies or grammar mistakes. 

As for the fanfic itself, please note that it is only fiction even if it mirrors some things that happened in reality. I hope it doesn’t offend anyone in any way. I wrote this because I’m an emo lil shit who needed to make herself suffer with a made-up angsty scenario that helps her assimilate that she’s never getting more XeSol moments ever again, probably. So that’s it. I can’t promise you’ll enjoy reading it because I cried writing it, so.

Yeah so how are you these days?

I’m still the same, can’t sleep

Your short hair looked so pretty

But I didn’t press like

‘Cause it just seems a bit ridiculous

His fingers scroll down his white smartphone screen. His room is pitch dark and he has been looking at his phone like this for a while, which is not good at all for his eyes. Or his heart. His mind is going back to a million memories of past years and his heart starts clenching little by little. Judging from his Instagram profile, in the end he followed his alternative path, the ‘B plan’ that he remembers having heard about back in their trainee days.

“I think I’ll just be a choreographer if this idol thing doesn’t work out,” he had said jokingly, although he looked like, deep inside, he meant it.

“Don’t say that. We’ll make it work. We’ll do fine, you’ll see. The name ‘ToppDogg’ by itself already feels successful,” he replied back, ruffling the other boy’s hair.

He was not surprised at all by the quality of his choreographies. Hansol- no, Minsung, Jiho reminded himself, was gifted when it came to dancing and not only that, but he was also an innate performer who knew how to combine both dancing and aesthetic features in a unique artistic way. Even so, he had to reckon the boy had improved a hell of a lot. His dancing style was very far from that of the boy who practiced dancing with him in the academy over 7 years ago.

He accidentally clicked on one of his most recent pictures, but he didn’t press the back button. He stared at it. His face looked radiant in spite of not having a smile on it. He looked fine—stable, calm, perhaps even happy. Jiho hoped it was like that. He hoped that he was at least as happy as he had always wanted and deserved. At least it was noticeable that was not the same sad Hansol- no, Minsung, that he had seen for the last time. It was a relief. He wasn’t the same person. He didn’t even look like the one in the old memories of Jiho, if he took a moment to carefully analyse the pictures. Truth be told, Jiho felt like he didn’t know who that boy in the pictures was. They had lived together for many years and shared countless experiences, but he didn’t know that person. Minsung? Jiho had no idea who that was; where he came from. He could barely remember Hansol and he wasn’t sure Hansol remembered him.

The last time they met… Jiho would’ve never imagined it would be the last time and that everything would go downhill from there. Hansol- no, Minsung, dammit, sent him a text on KakaoTalk asking to hang out in a café, just to get some distraction. Back then, it had been long since they had had a schedule as ToppDogg. The promotions for their last album had finished months ago and they weren’t working on new songs or performances or anything of the sort. Everyone were kind of worried about how things were going. Everyone, but especially Hansol. Minsung.

“Hey, sorry I’m kind of l-”

Jiho remembers coming up to the boy to greet him, but as soon as he came a little bit closer he could see the tears streaming desperately down his face. He couldn’t even finish his sentence before he had wrapped his arms around the other’s small frame. Hansol was trembling. Minsung. No, back then he was Hansol.

“Aren’t you tired?” Hansol asked out of the blue after being quiet for some minutes, just barely sipping on his coffee while trying to calm himself down and stop sobbing.

“Mm? Tired… of what? I’d say I’ve had lots of time to get some rest,” he replied jokingly, pretending he didn’t know what Hansol meant.

“That’s the problem, you see. I’m tired of this. Of trying again and again and failing. I’m tired of everything.”

“Hey, don’t think like that. We gotta stay positive. Maybe things aren’t going the way we’d like them to, but we still have our fans and our company—”

“Don’t be silly, Jiho,” he cut him off. “Do you think our fans are gonna wait forever? That they’ll stay by a failed group? Our company’s trying hard for any other artist that’s not us.”

“Hansol,” he called out, covering the boy’s hand with his own on the table, “we knew it wouldn’t be easy, but we can’t lose hope. I trust us and what we can achieve together.”

Hansol looked like he was actually contemplating what Jiho had said, but replied:

“Your optimism is stupid, Jiho.” And retreated his hand to take a hold of his coffee.

After that, they fell silent for a long time. Jiho fidgeted with his fingers over the table. This conversation was making him feel uneasy and awkward; he didn’t know what to say. But more than anything, he was worried about Hansol.

“Has it gotten worse, lately? Have you been feeling worse?” he asked softly, only for Hansol to hear.

“…I just wanna escape from this hell,” he muttered back, not looking at his eyes.

Jiho didn’t know what to say, as per usual, so he chose to stay quiet. Neither of them said anything else for some minutes. Jiho couldn’t even look at Hansol in the face because he felt horrible for not being able of offering more comfort than his stupid optimism. That’s why he flinched a little when he felt Hansol’s hand back on his, caressing his fingers. Jiho didn’t stop him, because he liked the sensation. Because he missed him. Because deep inside, Jiho knew he had committed a mistake that he would always regret, even if he had done it thinking it was the best option for them back then.

“Hansol-”

“I’m gonna miss you.”

Their voices overlapped.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m leaving to China for a few months. To study dancing.”

“What?”

Jiho retreated his hand and straightened up in his seat, almost in shock.

“But… what about the group? Does the company know about this? Did they approve of this?”

There was this look in Hansol’s eyes while he mustered up the courage to finally say:

“…Jiho, I’m leaving ToppDogg.”

In that moment, it felt as if a bucket of cold water had been thrown over him. He couldn’t react. It took him a few moments to grasp what was happening. Leaving to China to study dancing? Leaving the group? Had he lost his mind?

“Do you realise you’re sabotaging the group and being selfish?” was the first thing he managed to say, not really thinking about what he was saying.

“Excuse me? I am sabotaging the group?” Hansol raised his tone a bit. “May I remind you, it was Hyunho and Dongsung who left us first. Hyosang and Taeyang left us too.”

Jiho bit his lip. He knew Hansol was right, but right now his heart was in pain from just imagining Hansol leaving the group and going to another country for who knows how long.

“There is nothing we can do about this anymore, don’t you realise that? What do you want me to stay here for? To see how life passes me by and nothing gets better no matter how hard I try?”

“…You could stay with me.”

Everything became quiet for a few moments that seemed to last for way longer while both of them stared into each other’s eyes. Jiho could see the tears welling up in Hansol’s eyes while he bit his lips and shook his head.

“Please, don’t do this to me…” he muttered in a thin voice.

“If you leave the group, then I will too. We can start all over, together. No fearing and no hiding this time, we won’t have to-”

“Jiho, don’t,” Hansol cut him off softly, getting a bit closer and holding his hands on the table. “That’s not what you want. Besides, it was you who took the decision years ago. There’s no going back now.”

Hansol’s voice sounded so gentle and composed in spite of the tears in his eyes that it was hard to believe what he was saying was hurting Jiho as if a million knives were stabbing his body.

“Why’d you ask me to come, then? If it was going to be like this, you could’ve as well just texted me goodbye.”

You shouldn’t have given me hopes that I was still in time of holding onto you, is what he wanted to say. But didn’t.

“I just wanted to see you for one last time…”

Back then, Jiho couldn’t control the burst of emotions he felt. His sadness mingled with the anger he felt towards himself for having been an idiot and also with the frustration of being so helpless—Hansol was slipping right through his fingers and out of his life, and he couldn’t do anything to stop him.

“That’s it, then. You can leave now. Leave and don’t think of coming back. I hope you know you’re being an asshole.”

He raised his voice more than he should have. His word choice was more aggressive than it should have. Unlike his usually composed self, this time he finally burst. His emotions burst in the worse way possible. They ended up yelling ugly things at each other; hard feelings that had been building up inside them for a long time. Jiho smashed his fist on the table before leaving behind an upset and sobbing Hansol. He shouldn’t have done that. He still feels ashamed of his shitty and immature reaction and regrets everything he did and said that day. Hansol didn’t deserve that.

Somehow, he reached the end of his Instagram pictures. They weren’t many. He remembered the boy had a habit of deleting them. He also noticed he kept only a few pictures of his last days in China and seeing him in those pictures makes his heart clench in fear again. In fear of knowing that he was close to losing him for real, forever. Those had been the worst days Jiho has even been through in his whole life and he hopes he won’t have to ever go through something like that again. At least the latest pictures make him feel a bit more reassured, for it seems that old Hansol he knew doesn’t torment Minsung like he used to do. He looks cared for and surrounded by people. Jiho can only hope for him to never be lonely and for all of those people to be with Minsung when he cannot.

A few pictures above the last ones from China is one from their debut. That one was uploaded when his departure from the group was made official. Jiho didn’t come out of his room for a whole week. In the picture, Hansol thanks everyone. Jiho clenches his fist. He should’ve thanked him the last time he saw him. He should’ve thanked him for helping him make it into ToppDogg. He should’ve thanked him for all of the good moments they shared together. He should’ve thanked him for loving him in spite of the big asshole Jiho could be at times and which he was until their last meeting. He should’ve thanked him for existing—he should’ve wished him success. Had he done that, who knows; maybe Hansol wouldn’t have been on the edge of an abyss. Had he done that, maybe he would find his username when he types it into the list of people Minsung follows.

Jiho decides to call it a night, but then he sees there is a picture of Hyosang on Minsung’s account and he clicks it almost immediately. Oh, he wished him a happy birthday. To the one who abandoned them—but didn’t break his heart or curse him out for trying to pursue his dreams—; he wished a happy birthday to him. Then he finally clicks the ‘back’ button, which closes Instagram and, instead and unknowingly, shows him the time and date: 5:24 a.m., February 3rd.

As he tries to fall asleep, he fails to fight back the tears that wet his pillow while he cannot brush off the memories of Hansol coming into his room with a big smile on his face and holding a big cake with tons of colourful candles on his hands just when the clock struck twelve o’clock. He won’t see that Hansol anymore. If he could turn back time and take seriously the three wishes Hansol insisted for him to make year after year before blowing out the candles, he would use one to wish ToppDogg to be successful and two to wish for Hansol to never leave his side.

[hyubcore]

[8:24pm]

your eyes lit up beneath the vibrant, colorful lights that illuminated the nighttime sky. you smiled small to yourself as you looked over at dongsung, who was enthralled by the fireworks going off above the both of you. it was the new year, a time for new beginnings, new chances, new experiences. the only thing from the previous year that you wanted to hold onto dearly was dongsung himself. you didn't want anything about him to change—he was so perfect the way he was.

"please stay," you nearly-whisper, trying not to disturb the moment too much. "promise you'll stay with me this year."

dongsung looked down at you endearingly, giving you his gentle smile. he put a hand around your shoulders, pulling you closer. "i'm never leaving you. you don't need to worry about that."

you bite your lip and lean into his side, feeling the warmth fill your heart as you made contact. dongsung was such a warm presence in your life, and hearing the reassuring words come from his very lips that you loved to kiss so tenderly only made your heart beat faster.

"i love you, sungie."

[hyubcore]

[3:48pm]

you had grown drowsy from working at your desk all day. you tried to rest on the couch for a while, but couldn’t seem to get your mind off the plethora of things on your to-do list. you forced yourself to get everything done before you could move on with your day, and your boyfriend, dongsung, noticed this; he always seemed to know when you were overworking yourself. he knew you like it was his sixth sense.

“love, why don’t we take a break?” he said, coming into your study and putting his hands on your shoulders, rubbing out your muscles gently. you looked up at him, and he leaned over you, giving you a kiss on your forehead. “it’s raining.”

you smiled, because you knew what that meant. dongsung had always teased you about dancing in the rain one day, getting soaked and showering off together—he thought it was the most romantic thing ever, meanwhile you thought it’d be a mess. but you knew how happy it’d make dongsung, and when he was happy, you were happy.

“fine. your dreams are coming true.”

you stood up from your desk, dongsung taking your hand and leading you outside. you giggled as the pouring rain started pelting you. you immediately clung to dongsung for protection. he was enjoying himself, opening his arms and looking up at the sky. he kept your hand in his as he let himself get drenched in the rain. he prompted you to spin around as he twirled your hand around, and you obliged, spinning into his embrace. he swayed you back and forth to his own rhythm. you smiled to yourself, finally letting go of the tension, listening to the calming rain sounds around you, feeling dongsung’s arms tight around you, protecting you. you turned around and faced dongsung. he took your hands, holding them up to put the two of you in a waltzing position. he lead the way as you stepped forward, backward, side to side. he then moved his hands to the small of your back. you put your head on his shoulder and he kissed the side of your face gently. you smiled to yourself, feeling the rain envelop dongsung and you into the same skin, thinking to yourself, i should take breaks more often.

[hyubcore]

[8:55pm]

“i am falling in love with you.”

the words fell from his lips like raindrops, and you felt every pebble of water land on your skin like it was a knife to the chest. you had known seunghyub for years and years, ever since you were both teenagers, and now, you had matured into successful young adults. you had always loved seunghyub, in a platonic, friendly way.

but for him, it was all different.

“i know it’s weird, and we’ve known each other forever, but i can’t help it, and you deserve to know. i’m in love with you.”

you were standing outside your front door, and he was walking you up to your apartment after you enjoyed a nice dinner together after not seeing one another for several months. you had both become busy with your personal lives, you both started new, full-time jobs, and had lived rather far apart. was this innocent get together you just had really a date?

“seunghyub, i—“

“i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have said anything. i don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

you freeze for a moment as he begins to walk away. you watch him go back to his car, and he doesn’t back at you a single time. you feel your heart break inside your chest. you can’t let him leave like this, you don’t know if it will be the last time you see him. you care about seunghyub too much to let him go this easily. maybe, you really did love him as more than a friend, the way your heart began to race and the butterflies started flying around your stomach as his words repeated in your head.

“wait,” you shouted, and seunghyub turned around. his eyes looked sullen, like his heart had been torn in pieces. the look on his face broke you inside. you never wanted him to feel so sad. you ran up to him, you grabbed his face in your hands, cupping his cheeks, and kissed him tenderly. he didn’t kiss back at first, until you pulled away and put your hands on his shoulders. you breathe in his aura, and you feel at peace. seunghyub always made you feel that way—like nothing could hurt you. he always made you feel secure, whether it be physically or emotionally. you loved seunghyub. you always did, and you always would. but maybe in a new perspective after that night.