#done from memory so forgive the inaccuracies

[malleyart]

got to thinking about the design and choreography of the creature in the ballet again. some sketches

[manikas-whims]

the inevitable farewell [AO3]

this was my first thought after finishing the Lightseeker Myth, and so here's me dumping this..there may be inaccuracies and shit might not really add up, so forgive me for that..

Hope you enjoy! ♡

⚠️ warning! major character death ⚠️

loosely based on the Lightseeker Myth ✨

what if Xavier somehow succeeds in his mission? what if the aether core is separated from your heart without having any adverse effects on you? and what if instead of him going back, it causes a change in the entire timeline, and he ends up being erased from existence due to this?

An incandescent silver stretched across every inch of his skin, its glow permeating even through the thick fabric of his clothes. And if you hadn't reached out with a hand to touch his face, or seen the wistful smile upon his lips, then you'd have mistaken this moment to be a weird yet fantastical dream about the man you had come to love. The eccentric yet kind deepspace hunter you'd willingly given your heart to.

But this wasn't a dream and everything your eyes perceived was real, and right in front of you. He was positively sparkling, like a bright star in the dark cover of night.

“I guess it’s time.” He said, the smile unable to match the sense of guilt and regret evident in his eyes.

“Time..for what?” You asked, your own lips finding it difficult to curve up and match his smile.

Somehow you understood without him explicitly saying it out loud. Yet you chose to deny the fact and shook your head.

The glow covering his skin became brighter, and became slightly uncomfortable for your eyes to directly look at. But you tried to maintain eye contact despite it. And it made you realize that with the increase in intensity of the glow, his own countenance became paler. No. Lighter. A little less. He was there yet merely a translucent version of his glorious self.

“Time to say goodbye.” He spoke. “Time to find someone who'd stick around a little longer.”

And you shook your head vehemently, tears streaming down your cheeks. How could he be so stupid as to not realize it was always going to be him? That there could never be another! That your heart had permanently etched his name upon itself and wasn't ready to let it be erased by the sands of time.

Desperately you reached out with your hands and grabbed handfuls of his white sweater, head shaking emphatically as if that would will the fate to change its course. Deny this bleak occurence from proceeding any further.

Xavier chuckled, the sound hollow and hopeless. His hands slowly came up to wrap around your back.

The aether core had been successfully removed from your heart nearly a month ago. And somehow he had known that doing so could inevitably lead up to this tragic conclusion. To the end of his own existence in your life. But he had been prepared for this outcome since long. And he would rather depart with the memory of your breathtaking smile than your tears of torment.

“It’s alright. My work here is finally done. No one will hurt you now.” He stroked your hair, his voice a soothing whisper in your dismal reality.

“NOOOO!! STOP SAYING THAT!” Your fist hit his chest in actual fear. But instead of the firmness of the muscles that you were used to, you felt the spot crack under the impact of your hit, as if his body was a mere shell of the strong fighter and protector you had always known.

Xavier smiled more genuinely this time.

When he had left you on Philos– the other you– he had hardened his heart and vowed to himself to never stray from his goal. And he had sworn to never allow himself the blissful distraction of falling for you– a different you– all over again during Mission Backtrack. But such was the twist of fate. And he was grateful for it. Grateful for the time he got to spend in your company. For the moments he was able to share with you. For the memories he'd take with him.

Separation was his second home now, the first always being you. So if he wasn't meant to be with you any longer, then he could at least make peace with this inevitable separation until he could return to you in the next life.

And he knew that with time you would heal as well. That despite your tears and agony in this moment, this too would pass. That you'd live a better, and happier life (albeit not with him). That you might even forget him in the coming days, the flow of time erasing his existence completely. Not just out of your memories but even from public records, rectifying this timeline entirely. He wasn't sure about that last bit but it was a possible outcome of his mission. A cruel yet fitting end. One that might aid you in leading a fuller life.

“Shhh..take a breath.” He rested his chin upon your head, rubbing circles on your back. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Liar!” You sobbed into his sweater.

“I’m not lying.”

“You are! You do lie to me..alot.”

“Not this time.” He pulled away from you and gazed earnestly into your eyes. “I will always watch over you.” He pointed a finger towards the sky. “From up there, twinkling the brightest amongst that sea of stars.”

You knew he would say something poetic like that. But his words didn't assure you in the slightest. You might be used to seeing him disappear for days on end but you were equally used to him always returning to your side. However, you knew this time would be the last. And your heart wasn't ready to part.

“There must be some other way.” You shook your head incessantly. “Something that can fix this. Some— that protocore! Maybe if I take it back..everything will go back to how it was. Or-or maybe we can use the core to help you..”

And Xavier had the audacity to laugh in your face. A mirthless, brittle sound. Shallow and forlorn.

“There’s no other way. This is it, little star.” Xavier spoke with a sense of finality. An urgency; the tone of his voice sounding as feeble as his breaths. “Now promise me..that every once in a while you’ll make time to eat hotpot and buy yourself a fresh bouquet of forget-me-nots. And then, every night as you'll look up at the sky, there I will be, shining radiantly just for you.”

Your body felt heavier with every word he spilled. There was barely anything left of him now, the glow of his skin becoming so intense that you were left with no choice but to shut your eyes, and rob yourselves of the fleeting moments you had left with him.

You sobbed uncontrollably. How were you supposed to make any promises when your lips could only let out cries of anguish?

But Xavier was unrelenting as ever. You felt him entwine his pinky finger with yours. “Promise me?”

You could only nod along.

And it was enough for him.

“Good.” He said, and you could imagine the relief that you heard in his voice.

His warm breath tickled your face then, his lips brushing against yours in a tender yet lingering kiss.

“Goodbye, Angel. Till we meet again.” He whispered like an eternal promise.

And you couldn't help yourself. You opened your teary eyes but it was already too late. His body was glowing yet dim. Like the last flickers of a dying star. And in the very next moment, he was gone. His body crumbled into innumerable shining fragments that got scattered away by the harsh blowing winds. And all that you were left with were a pair of keys to his apartment, the soft clothes that still smelled like him, some food coupons, and a small, star-shaped tassel that felt weirdly familiar.

And you wept, clutching the empty sweater tightly to your chest, wishing that it were all just a nightmare. And that if you kept your eyes shut long enough, you'd wake up in your bed, and find him right next to you.

Alas, nothing changed even after the passage of several minutes. And you wept some more until there were no more tears left to be spared.

And then, in the pitiful quiet of the otherwise peaceful night, you tilted your head and looked up at the sky, choosing to believe that he was indeed up there, watching over you, just as he had sworn in his last breaths.

“Goodbye, Xavier. Till we meet again.”

let me know your thoughts on this..:)

» MASTERLIST «

[destinygoldenstar]

I Analyzed The Ninjago Movie Instead Of Sleeping

I have real mixed feelings on this movie. But not for the reasons you might think from a fan of the TV show.

The movie didn’t NEED to be connected to the show. And it clearly wasn’t trying to.

It was meant to be an AU in a way.

(If you look at the behind the scenes one of their original rewrites was a plot of them going back in time to save Lloyd’s dad from becoming the villainous figure he is in the present day.)

So I can forgive the inaccuracy so long as it could stand on its own as a proper story.

It doesn’t do that.

If you DON’T compare it to the show:

You got a movie with SOME good jokes, amazing animation, (SERIOUSLY THIS MOVIE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND VISUALS ALONE ARE A CHEFS KISS TO ME) but is so strangely paced that it feels like the movie starts at the middle of the story and never shows the beginning, and feels like a completely different movie halfway through, and is also very choppily edited.

(I even double checked a clip of the movie just to prove my point there: When Lloyd uses all his dragon mech weapons on Garmadon, they play the exact same sound effect and explosion, just with different angles, SIX TIMES. FSM WAS THAT EDITOR HUNG OVER WHEN DOING THEIR JOB THAT DAY?! And that’s just one example I’ve got. I think this was the first time EVER when I was in a movie theater and I distinctly remember asking “What is wrong with the editing here? Who thought this was good editing?? Who thought this was appropriate in any way???” So I thank this movie for giving me such a memory and making me value good editing.)

You also got a world that isn’t very well fleshed out, characters that the movie chooses to not focus on except the main character and the main villain. And you got a movie that tells its audience it’s okay to forgive your parents that neglected you and are active terrorists even if they earned or done absolutely no redemption whatsoever.

I mean Garmadon in this movie BETRAYS them and leaves them to rot so he could terrorize the city again at the end. Then gets eaten by the cat. Then Lloyd forgives him. Idk what more you want me to say.

I’m not gonna act like Crystalized did it any better though. Pick your poison.

But then you got fans of the show. The people who watched the show since kids (that includes me). Who are naturally bias towards the shows lore and characterization…

OOOOOOHHH boy…

I don’t hate EVERY portrayal of the ninja in the movie as much as other people. I actually think there’s some good ideas for an AU version of these characters here. Problem is the movie never does anything with them.

Well, I say I don’t hate every portrayal, the one I truly cannot stand is Zane’s.

There’s just so much wrong with how they portrayed Zane that it just does not work. Not as an adaptation of the character. Not in any way that makes sense for this universe and is actually kinda insulting.

There’s no other robots in this city. (Like there are in the show) Why is Zane the only one and why is he in high school? Why would Wu ever pick a robot to be a ninja?

In the show the reason is pretty simple: Wu didn’t know at the time.

But everyone knows in the movie. What’s movie Wu’s excuse?

There’s also in terms of personality.

Keep in mind later seasons of the show have the same issues, so I’m talking about what it was at the time of the movie.

Zane’s whole robot identity is crucial to his character. The show introduced him as ‘the strange one’. As he couldn’t understand social cues, took things very seriously, didn’t share the same sense of humor as the rest of the team, had a hard time displaying his emotions, and bonded with things the others didn’t and excelled at certain areas like cooking.

He’s a character that connected to a lot of neurodivergent people in the audience who could relate to him. No he’s not intentional autistic rep, but one that definitely mattered to the people that headcannoned him as such.

(Also helps that they introduce other robot characters later that clearly don’t have the same characteristics he does. So really it depends on what you see.)

So the reveal that he was a robot was such a huge deal to not just the plot but to him as he finally got a concrete definition of what he is and who he is. And the show NEVER decides to say “You know, it would be so much better if you were a human!”

“Why can’t you just be normal?!”

That’s part of why I personally can’t stand fics that make Zane human. It just doesn’t feel right to me and misses the point of the character.

While I absolutely did not expect the movie to cover his… really heavy backstory with his inventor/father and how he outlived him, then got his memory and sense of identity wiped by him moments before death, which was meant to be an act of sympathy but would actually harm Zane’s mentality for the entire show…

The movie didn’t need to adapt that. For all we know, movie Zane could have a very happy backstory. And that would be fine. All I wanted was for the identity-seeking aspect of Zane’s character to matter in some way.

It didn’t.

The jokes they use for Zane in this movie are that of “Haha, he’s a robot. Isn’t it so funny that he doesn’t understand humanity very well?”

You know, something that in one episode of the show was portrayed as a BAD THING for people to think that of him! And that those people needed to learn to respect him for who he is!

And that’s the ONLY thing they do with him. Just robot jokes. Very stereotypical robot jokes.

Again, later seasons of the show are guilty of this too. So I will not act like the show is perfect.

For the reasons I listed, these are actually far more offensive and harmful than you think. Especially fans of the show watching the movie. Him being the only robot in this movie world makes me think even more that this actually is autistic coding… and that makes it so much worse.

Zane being a robot being equal to autism is its own discussion. And has its own problems on paper alone. Whether or not this is your headcanon of him, and whether or not you think this is good representation either way is up to your feelings and experiences. (Personally I think it’s better than some live action shows attempting this)

The others don’t even seem to trust or want to be around him that much. The others seem annoyed by him half the time. Like they’re only tolerating him because he’s on their team. Yeah they don’t say that but simple looks and gestures are enough to get that impression. And not once does anyone ever express Zane’s value in their team. That’s the ONE thing that would’ve had me forgive this all.

But there’s my rant. The others?

Jay is mostly fine. I think this personality for the movie is a neat AU concept. Yes show Jay is openly terrified of things and awkward, but if there’s something he wasn’t was SHY.

Movie Jay is a shy and nervous wreck. And you know what? For a high school AU, I think it works. It doesn’t erase Jay’s essence entirely. They at the very least kept the detail of his character that he’s a fast learner.

I appreciate that.

Cole is actually a REALLY interesting concept to me with the AU idea they gave.

On the surface it’s just ‘He’s a DJ and willingly old school’

But if you see the show, this is actually an ODD approach. Because show Cole has a very complicated relationship with music.

In the show, Cole’s parents thrived in singing and dancing. His father specifically was a performer that won several awards with his band ‘The Royal Blacksmiths’. After Cole’s mother passed away, his father proceeded to push his ideals and his passions onto his kid and pressuring him to become another version of him. It got stressful enough that Cole ran away from home and resented music, something that used to be a bond of family for them, and that’s where Wu found him and made him a ninja.

Throughout the show, Cole would open up to music again more, but it’s pretty gradual and a very subtle bit of character development for him throughout the show. He doesn’t need to say “I hate making music” to get the point across. He only starts the music route again whenever it has something to do with making a family member, blood or not, happy.

So movie Cole is interesting to me for that reason. Because at the start, he basically IS a mini Lou. His whole thing is music and it’s heavily reflected on his personality.

To the point where his element in the movie isn’t even animated or portrayed as earth like it’s supposed to, instead it’s… sound waves?

Weird choice. Interesting one though cause maybe that’s just how movie Cole functions.

So it’s “Oh, what if Cole DID follow in his fathers footsteps and DID want to become a musician?”

Very interesting approach for a completely different approach of character development.

But the problem? Just like the others, not utilized.

But I do think this was an interesting AU idea. Is it accurate to the show version of the character? No. But that’s kind of the point I think.

Then there’s the RGB siblings. This is where it gets kinda weird for me.

Thanks to the movie, a lot of my friends mistook Kai and Nya for being twins.

They are not twins in the show. Kai is older.

I don’t think that dents their characters too much in the movie so long as the same points were across. They’re the blood related brother and sister who raised themselves when their parents abandoned them, and climbed out of the ashes to protect each other, and found a new expansion on their family that didn’t have to be blood related to count.

These two, in different ways, are the support of the team and especially Lloyd. They’re usually the lancer characters that Lloyd goes to when he can.

I still say that about Nya even though originally, she was NOT a ninja, but rather was a Samurai with a mech of her own invention that acted as a Tuxedo Mask for the ninja. She didn’t become the water ninja until Season 5.

Which… I know the movie takes heavy inspiration from the first two seasons, the beginning, so for those who haven’t seen the show watching the movie… yikes I feel bad about the lack of a spoiler warning. Same goes for Zane being a robot.

But I think that’s also a factor into Kai, at the former half of this show, (again I’m talking pre-movie with this). He was the first character we were introduced to and we’re following in the show before Lloyd ever showed up. So naturally he’d be the one with the most attention to supporting the Green Ninja. Something that was very vital character development for him individually as well.

He’s the old school one. He’s the cool one. He’s the one who looks out for you even if you don’t want them to. He’s the one that will jump to anything without thinking. He’s also the one with the most value in tradition out of the ninja, as a blacksmith instead of a techie and as a traditional sword fighter rather than a fancy complicated weapon. He doesn’t get involved in tech willingly till he learns Twitter is a thing.

And in the movie, I think they took this characterization and said “Eh, give it to the girl instead.”

So most of show Kai’s character traits are now movie Nya’s. She’s the cool one with the most passion for traditional stories, she’s the one with arguably the most talks with Lloyd to calm him, and she’s pretty loud and brash in personality.

Not saying show Nya is not those things, she is. But the difference in the show was that Nya was HUGE on independence and doing her own thing. Being the only woman and a younger sibling in the main cast is actually a big deal to her. Not wanting to have her destiny be decided by the world or her brother as a damsel in distress or a sacrifice, she took to tech to invent her own ways of helping. Her own character.

Until destiny told her “Actually no, you can’t be the person you want to be. You have to stick to tradition that your mother had and be the water ninja.”

That’s… honestly a very brutally honest message that not a lot of people I see give credit for. Cause yes, expressing yourself and being your own person and being able to make your own fate is amazing… but it’s not always possible.

Sometimes you can’t be the person you want. Sometimes the world just will not let you. That doesn’t mean your identity is worthless, though. If you go with the flow, you can actually find that fate has plans for you that might not suck after all.

Basically a ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ messaging there.

It’s part of why Nya’s whole thing throughout the show is her starting as a damsel trying to reinvent herself and her stereotype, and ending as a willing sacrifice and death of her whole identity that she doesn’t regret because she’s embraced the flow of life and purpose. Even if she forgets herself in the realm of spirituality, her loves one’s never will.

…Until Crystalized undid ALL of that. BUT LETS NOT.

Movie Nya just really isn’t any of that. She’s basically just her brother.

Which… I’m actually fine with. The show has some bumps in the road in execution of her story anyway. And they want the only female of this team to not be a background character cause that’s look bad. I totally understand that. And her being a sibling to Kai makes me forgive it a whole lot more cause it does make sense.

But again, we don’t know what their lives are like or if they have similar backstories to theirs in the show at all.

But where does that leave Kai?

Well his whole character in the movie seems to basically be “I’m the loud one and a complete klutz and meathead.”

Basically TD Tyler.

It’s a personality in the movie that bled in the show post movie. While I personally think it was not THAT bad in the show, Secrets of the Forbidden Spinjitsu made me go “Okay. I understand now.”

As for movie Kai, that’s really about it.

It really was an early indicator of just giving Kai’s character traits to other characters. Before the show was visibly doing it.

Cause movie Lloyd is also basically just Kai but with a different backstory and context to situation. But honestly, I DO see what they were going for here.

As the ONLY ninja to get ANY focus, this version of Lloyd is well explained on what his life is.

In the show, he’s an abandoned child in an abusive boarding school who heavily idolizes his father, Lord Garmadon, and runs away to become a super villain. Only for Destiny to tell him not to, and we see his true colors and that he just wanted his family together and to love him. Something that was… hard. Considering who Garmadon is.

That is actually carried into the movie. Just cut out him running away. Here’s the difference.

Show Lloyd loves his dad and refuses to hurt him until he has to. While he is the Green Ninja, he didn’t resent himself being Garmadon’s son. What he resented was the destiny that took them apart.

Movie Lloyd HATES his dad for abandoning him, terrorizing the city, making said city cancel him for EXISTING, and he wants every excuse to shut this man out of his life forever.

That does make sense. And to the movie’s credit, the movie logic DOES work to make this version of Lloyd make sense.

It makes the movie pretty mean spirited and kinda unpleasant at times. But it works for the story.

I described Lloyd as ‘The Emo Child’. In the show. But that’s two words.

Emo. CHILD.

He’s still a kid. He’s still the youngest. He still has his own child-like wonder of the world and the aspirations that of a child would.

Yeah he’s a lot of angst. But he’s also a sweet kid who deserves hugs.

That’s not very apparent in movie Lloyd. Not that it needs to fit movie context.

But because we never see how the ninja in the movie got together, we have no idea why Lloyd even accepted being the Green Ninja in the first place. He even says in the movie that he’d give it up if it meant he didn’t have to be Garmadon’s son.

Movie Lloyd is the only ninja in this movie with an actual character arc. He resents his dad, tries to be rid of him, only to get consequences for it, goes on a quest to fix his mistake, bonds with his dad to learn he’s… sympathetic? I guess?? And in the end forgives his dad and chooses to let him in his life again.

Simple. Fine. It works on Lloyds end just fine. And I have to give credit for the movie making Lloyd resenting Garmadon more logical than Crystalized ever did.

It’s Garmadon’s end that just makes the whole thing a bad message in the end of ‘forgive your abusers.’

Yes he’s funny. That doesn’t undo his actions.

No it’s not undone in the show either, but at least you can buy the forgiveness there because every character knew that he had no choice.

In the show, Garmadon is the Oni Child of the FSM. Thus all it took was for another Oni creature, the Great Devourer, to trigger his blood and FORCE him into the evil role without his consent. It forced him to do nasty things to his loved ones and the land his dad created, and by the time he became his evil form, he was forcefully stripped away from all of his loved ones and a chance at normal life. So the only way he could ever get that back was to turn the world into his own image, thus having the world become him too. A monster.

The show made it abundantly clear that most of Garmadon’s evil deeds are either out of ambition for what he deems as helping the family, or not his fault at all due to snake venom influence.

I THINK the movie also has this because they do address him getting bit and becoming the creature he appears as in both versions.

Better than nothing I guess.

But then you get his ‘sympathetic backstory’ which is pretty much just a love story between him and Koko-

Yeah Lloyds moms name is actually different in both versions. And in role.

Misako abandoned her child to try and solve the destiny crisis, then returned to his life to help her kid out.

Koko remained a mother to her kid and supported him even when everyone hated him.

These are very different characters basically, and which one you prefer is up to you. Personally… I actually prefer the movie. I do think the mom was the one character that the movie actually improved upon. Especially with a very interesting story for her.

In the show, Misako is a researcher and just the fair maiden figure that Wu and Garmadon fell in love with. To which she chose Garmadon because of Wu’s letter that Garmadon forged his name on… it’s complicated.

In the movie, she was actually a fighter as well and took a part of the wars Garmadon was in. She enjoyed the thrill of the fight and fell in love with her opponent in a pretty cute montage.

But then they had a baby and her reality changed, realizing she could not raise her child on the battlefield. And when Garmadon refused to change his mind, she took Lloyd and left him behind. So she could be a mother.

Explains her actions in the movie all throughout very well and I never got lost when it came to her. She’s probably the one character in the movie I felt the most sorry for. She’s such a sweet parent and her interactions with Lloyd are probably the best parts of the movie. I wanna hug her.

But that’s all that’s shown of Garmadon. Apparently Garmadon was oppressed, but that’s told at the end and not shown or been significant at all.

They don’t hate you cause you look funky. They hate you cause YOU TERRORIZE THEIR CITY ON A DAILY BASIS AND SHOOT PEOPLE OUT OF A VOLCANO

Yeah show Garmadon did similar stuff, but again, WASNT HIS CHOICE.

Here, it’s absolutely his choice cause nothing indicated otherwise.

Garmadon doesn’t even PROCESS his kids existence or his own negligence three quarters of the time. And you expect me to buy a redemption from him?

You know, I’d be fine with it if he was just a one dimensional villain and the story of the movie was about Lloyd putting his energy away from a family that doesn’t care about him and more towards a surrogate one he has.

But no. You gotta have Lloyd forgive Garmadon and have Garmadon redeemed.

Cause that’s what the show did.

Even though this is supposed to be an AU not connected to the show so we can do whatever we want.

The most they do for Garmadon’s redemption is force him to be the mentor after Wu got yeeted off a bridge by a butterfly, have him go “Oh yeah, I DID shoot people out of a volcano!”, teach his son how to catch, and tell his son his backstory.

(Speaking if, Wu to me is basically the same. Just different voice actor delivery. I got nothing to say on him)

And then if that IS redemption, then he failed it. Because he offers Lloyd to be his general when they take over the city again, showing he’s learned nothing. Then when Lloyd says no, he steals their magic weapons and ditches them in a temple leaving them to DIE. Then he goes to terrorize the city again.

What redemption. /s

Again, this was all HIS choice. If it was not and if it was snake venom, they couldn’t at least give a visual cue or address it?

And now LLOYD has to apologize?

NO. LLOYD WAS RIGHT. THERES ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD LET HIS DAD INTO HIS LIFE. THE DAD HIMSELF PROVED THAT.

It just paints an unintentional bad message of ‘you have to forgive your abusers’

I’m sorry but Lloyd doesn’t owe this Garmadon anything.

I do like Lloyd’s VA delivery though, and the speech about green being the color of life. I actually like the idea of Lloyds power being his heart. Yeah it’s not flashy powers like in the show, but for an AU, it’s a really cool idea and I wish they used it more.

I have mixed feelings on the celebrity casting. Did I expect the original voice actors? No. But this casting wasn’t awful.

Garmadon’s VA is amazing in this movie. Jackie Chan as Wu is very subjective I feel, love it or hate it. Nya and Jay’s were really good too. I think the only one that didn’t work for me was Kai’s VA. Just… why does this teenager sound like a 50 year old man??

But honestly, I think the thing that got to me the most about the movie was something I praised about the show not too long ago.

The bond between the ninja.

I talked about how the show is a master class at character dynamics. There is almost no point where the characters are just standing there in one big clunk. Someone is saying something, someone is making a comment, someone is doing something, and it’s usually there for others to see and react to. It’s a very small thing, but it keeps the scenes alive and fresh the whole time and helps the audience be sold on the characters bond.

They don’t wait for the scenes of “Okay it’s time for characters to interact”. They just do it all the time.

And guess what the movie did? They’re just there in one big chunk all the time. With “okay it’s time for characters to interact” bits.

It’s one thing to not explore the other ninja at all. It’s another to ignore their bond.

In the show, they’re a found family. They all had rough upbringings in life and find a new sense of purpose in each other.

That’s NEVER emphasized in the movie except for one speech at the end Lloyd makes. Mostly cause we don’t know the other ninjas lives, and we don’t know how they even got together. Cause as I said, the movie starts at the middle, and awkwardly cuts after Garmadon is forgiven to be the end. We don’t know what it is about THIS ninja team that we should care about. It’s not shown.

All were shown is them being a team by circumstance only. Then Lloyd pulls out the cat laser and the cat nearly kills them. Then they hate Lloyd for it and spend the rest of the movie making fun of Lloyd.

Which yeah they make fun of each other in the show too, but where it ended in the show was playful teasing in the middle of moments that showed they cared about each other. And when one bond between two or more of them was broken, you felt it.

Here? I don’t know that and there isn’t anything besides the high school montage to show they cared. Just some comments about “Oh it’s okay Lloyd, it’s just awkward that your dad is a terrorist”. And then they make fun of Lloyds expense.

It’s mean spirited. It makes me think they don’t like each other. And it’s not like they ever apologize for it. They’re just teammates because Wu said so. They’re just tolerating Lloyd cause Wu said so.

Honestly the bloopers for this movie show more personality and more of this bond than the entire movie does.

…OOF that took awhile. I don’t even know why I did this, I just didn’t feel like sleeping. Uh… you read this, congrats. Idk why you did.

[asvtrials]

Hate that I want you, part ii

hate that I want you      masterlist

previous part      next part initial idea (part one): @floydsfae Tags: @ilovejeansosomuch @spikedfearn @soberbabes @victorysony @ellie1725 @lucycarlisleswife (I couldn't tag some of you sorry pookies) summary: Parting ways with a friend group was always hard, somehow trying to rejoin that group was even harder. Especially when a particular quick-tempered someone is rather bitter about your choices. warnings/tags: lots of swearing. friends to enemies to lovers. Bjorn is a bitter and jealous shit. angst a/n: I'm not very familiar with the Alien franchise so forgive me if there are any inaccuracies. English is not my first language so please be nice. Thank you for the wait, my internship just started so I didn't have much time. I tried to include Bjorn's accent a bit more. word count: 2415

You could've just gone home and drowned in your bed but instead, you let Tyler and Kay convince you to join them for drinks. Bjorn’s snarky comment was still replaying in your mind when you took a frozen beer bootle “Eh, yeh sure. Thanks, Tyler How coulda forget?” 

The metal steps were cold against your thighs, but you didn't feel like moving. You took a sip from your beer bottle—the bitter liquid burning your throat a bit—while you listened to the rest of the crew joke around.

You had to admit you missed this. Apart from Bjorn's occasional sharp looks everything brought you sweet memories from the countless times you stayed up till late to drink and chat.

You expected it to be uncomfortable, especially with Navarro, since she wasn't the most forgiving person. But it seems like your years of friendship did soften her.

She arrived after you, so you thought she'd ignore you completely and just move on with her night but she was quick to approach you with a smirk, giving you a light jab to the shoulder as she sat next to you.

"The fuck are you doing here?" Her voice held a playful tone.

You snorted. "Careful, you sound almost happy to see me."

Navarro tilted her head and raised a brow before uttering "Don't get your hopes up." with a laugh causing you to do the same. "So to who died and made you come here?" She asked before taking a sip of her beer.

You stalled by taking a sip of your own beer again. You didn't want to make things awkward by making the conversation so serious so fast, especially with Navarro who really disliked all that sappy shit.

"I get you." She said with a shrug before you could come up with a response.

You blinked. "What?"

"I get it. If I bagged anyone who had such a ‘promising’ future…” She dragged the word 'promising', copying the way you used to say it when you talked about him. “let's just say you wouldn’t be seeing me for a while" She joked but her words stung a bit.

"It's not like that..." You disagreed and the girl raised an unconvinced brow. "Really it's not. It's just—I tried to get that transfer to the kitchens, to get out of the mines, and all the time I had left I spent with Noa." You explained as you watched your friend take another sip from her beer nonchalantly. "I did miss you guys, really. Ask Kay, I always asked abo—"

"Jeez dude chill, I get it.” She cut you off, moving her eyes from her bottle to you, a small yet genuine smile flickered across her face “I'm glad you're back."

You stared at her, a wrinkle forming between your brows as you frowned, completely dumbfounded by her lack of care.

"Thanks..." You wanted to leave it at that but you knew Navarro, and this wasn't her. The Navarro you knew would give you the cold shoulder for weeks, you were so sure because you would've done the same. So you couldn't help but ask "Why aren't you like, you know, pissed at me?"

"Do you want me to be?" She asked while taking a cigarette she rolled earlier out of her pocket.

" 'Course not, I just expected you to be a little less...chill?" You ended up saying. Suddenly you turned to the girl with wide eyes. "Are you high? "

Navarro couldn't contain her laughter, some smoke puffing out if her nose.

"I'm not high, you moron. Just shit happened, you know. That kind of changed how I view things or whatever. You didn't abandon me and Bjorn when we needed you the most...I didn't forget that." She explained, taking another puff from her cigarette.

You knew what she meant. It wasn't that long ago since Bjorn's mother passed but you still remember hearing about it as if it happened yesterday.

You were finally at the checkout station, waiting for your turn when your eyes caught the small, old television in the corner of the wall. Tears welled up in your eyes as you watched the screen in the spacious checkout room show the face of the woman alongside the other two victims.

You found yourself at the doorstep of their trailer. Navarro's state was enough to destroy you. You were not used to seeing such a pained expression decorating the face of your usually laidback friend.

The younger girl was the only one you saw that day. Bjorn was nowhere to be found.

That was one of the few times you saw her in the past months and you really wished it didn’t need to go this far for you to drop everything and visit.

"Is Bjorn doing okay?" You asked her, not sure what you were expecting to hear.

The boy was awfully close with his mother. It was natural, she was the only parent he had. His dad was a deadbeat, abandoning them as soon as he found out he was going to be a father.

"He's better." Navarro confirmed.

"What happened was so fucked..." You comment, shaking your head in frustration.

"Yeah...i still don't know where was he that day" She confessed.

"You don't?"

"Nah, he wouldn't answer anyways."

Yeah, You could already see Bjorn dodging the question. You could also imagine him getting plastered at whatever bar he found.

Your eyes fell on the boy. He was laughing about something Tyler said until he met your eyes. His wide smile slowly turned into a small smirk, holding your gaze a bit longer before turning back to his cousin.

You chose to ignore the irritation that followed after he tore his gaze from you and focused on Navarro. You continued talking, about her life, about your life, then you moved on to stupid shit until it the usually shady sky was especially dark.

"Fuck it's gotten late." You mumbled, the beer bottles you chuged weren’t doing much to help you focus.

"Oh shit, yeah." Tyler cursed under his breath after checking his wrist watch.

Kay and Tyler didn't live too far from their cousin so they didn't really care. You on the other hand needed at least ten minutes to get to your apartment.

You stood up with a sigh and grabbed your jacket. "This was fun but I have an early shift tomorrow." You announced.

"You're gonna walk alone?" Kay asked concerned.

"You can crash at our place" Navarro offered.

"Yeah, you can." Bjorn spoke to you for the first time since you arrived here. You didn't need to hear his next words to know that he was going to say something stupid, his smug expression a clear sign. "We can share the couch, get all cuddly and stuff." He suggested, sending you an innocent look. 

You grimaced in disgust and wordlessly turned to leave, yet you could feel the blood rising to your cheeks. For a moment you thought he’d add a stupid ‘Like the good old times' or something.

"We can take you home." Tyler offered, standing up from his seat and Kay quickly followed.

"Yeah, it will be good to walk a bit." She assured with a warm smile, although her excuse was laughable. You bet both she and Tyler got enough exercise in the mines, and to your disappointment, the kitchen was no better.

Then the person you least expected to speak up silenced all of you. "Nah, I'll take 'er."

Everyone eyed the boy in either confusion or annoyance.

"No" Kay let out a breathy laugh, as if the boy's words were merely a joke. "We'll take her home."

Bjorn threw his hands with a huff and slumped in his chair. "Yall call me a wanker all the fuckin' time yet don't want me to be nice? Maybe I just wanna mend things between us, don’tya agree Y/n?"

"Oh spare me." You scoffed, sending him a disbelieving look. "You just wanna talk more shit about me and Noa and everything I did wrong. You just don’t want Tyler or Navarro to shut you up."

"Yeh, Like you'd hate that, darlin’. So quick to bite back." He said, a hint of a smile making an appearance. “Yer a bit of a shit talker yourself, don't ya think?”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the way the corner of you mouth twitched upwards at the mention of the familiar nickname.

“Gosh, you're so annoying.” You grumbled but you had to admit it was nice talking to him normally again—or at least the idea of normal you and Bjorn adopted. You were sure this truce would be short-lived.

The boy ignored you and pushed himself up from the chair, capturing the blunt he was rolling between his lips.

“Let's get goin’, wouldn't want ya to miss your beauty sleep,” He mumbled with the cigarette in his mouth as he walked past you earning a glare from you.

He continued walking as if he wasn't even considering that you might not follow, knowing you too well. God, he was annoying.

“You kinda deserve this for dumping us” Navarro joked. You flipped her off but laughed a bit.

You followed him with a sigh, waving goodbye to your friends in the process.

“Please don’t kill each other.” Kay laughed, returning the wave.

Your walk was quiet, the only sounds accompanying the two of you were the crickets in the distance and the occasional puffs that Bjorn let out, the smoke enveloping the both of you. Sometimes you would hear the loud music and inaudible talking at a nearby bar but that was it.

It was frustrating. He was the one that insisted on taking you home and now he was the one refusing to speak. Bjorn was always hard to understand but he was especially hard since you came back.

You understood it was because he was angry that you left, abandoned them, abandoned him but then why demand on being around you so much?

But still his words from before—they made you think that there was something more than anger behind his behavior. The memory of the unexpected tenderness in his voice engraved in your mind.

Even if it wasn’t for the all years you knew him, that one moment would’ve been enough to want you to actually mend things between the two of you, even if Bjorn ridiculed the idea before.

“Thanks for doing this.” You attempted to sound as normal as you could.

“Sure.” He replied, not bothering to look at you.

You sighed trying to ignore the uncomfortable silence that clutched at the two of you like a veil.

“What?” The boy asked irritated.

“Nothing. It’s just weird, I guess.” You replied truthfully, too tired of playing all those mind games.

“Very observant, aren’t you darlin’” He chuckled and tossed the finished cigarette on the pavement.

“See, that’s weird.” You gestured toward him with a scoff. “You keep acting like an asshole, then call me darling and insist on taking me home.”

Bjorn ignored your words and just continued to walk to your house, his hand raising to rub the nape of his neck was the only indication of his own discomfort. 

You could already see your house from here but you weren’t done. You halted your movements in frustration, sending him an aggravated look. “Why are you acting like a little bitch?” You winced at your words as soon as they left your lips, you wished you had picked something more tactful to say.

Bjorn turned to face you, eyebrow raised and a sarcastic smile spreading on his lips. “Callin’ me a little bitch? Really? If anything I’m the only one that’s not actin’ like a little bitch.” The boy spat back, approaching you. “You left, for bloody two months, and expect everyone to run around and kiss your feet for blessing us with your presence?” He spoke, his words lacking the gentleness from the last time you had this conversation.

“What, is little Y/n sad that I’m angry at her?” You had to lift your head to hold his mocking gaze the closer he got to you. You swallowed thickly when he crouched a bit to get closer to your face. You should’ve felt uncomfortable, scared even but the way your stomach flipped was anything but uncomfortable.

“That’s not what I said.” You were disappointed at how weak your voice sounded and you weren’t sure if your narrowed eyes gave the harsh effect you wished for.

“Mhm? Go on then.” 

“If you’re so angry why are you taking me home, huh? I thought you wanted to talk shit but you were quiet the entire walk. What is it, just want to be blessed by my presence a bit longer?”  You asked and it was your turn to watch his jaw tense. 

Bjorn held your gaze for a long moment before ripping his icy eyes away from yours for a split moment, to regain his composure. However, it seems to be fruitless because when he turned back to you, his eyes held the same dark look to them. He took a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. Your brows furrow at his movements yet your body refuses to move an inch.

Without a word, he leaned closer and you swore you saw a quiet plea in his eyes. To be okay with this—No. To want this as much as he does.

Embarrassment is long forgotten when you open your lips ever so slightly, running your tongue over your bottom lip in anticipation as his hand slowly reached your flushed cheek, his fingers grazing the warm flesh.

“Jus’ wanted to show ya—” His hoarse voice ripped the silence “That I can make you feel like that, just by looking at you…” He whispered making you shudder. “I bet you haven't felt like this in a long time, eh?”

Dammit…You shouldn't feel like this. It was Bjorn for fucks sake. Stupid, loud, annoying Bjorn. Why was he making you feel like this? He never did before. 

Teasing, joking around, that was good, it was safe. You never wanted more. But now you felt like your body was about to burst into flames.

You only managed to say a quiet “You're a fucking dick…” 

A small smirk spread across Bjorn's face when he saw the tension in your eyes, matching his own yearning. He hoovered over you, lips barely touching when you heard an aggravating noise.

(i love reading your comments babes don't be shy)

[destinygoldenstar]

Here’s my take:

It didn’t NEED to be connected to the show. And it clearly wasn’t trying to.

It was meant to be an AU in a way.

(If you look at the behind the scenes one of their original rewrites was a plot of them going back in time to save Lloyd’s dad from becoming the villainous figure he is in the present day.)

So I can forgive the inaccuracy so long as it could stand on its own as a proper story.

It doesn’t do that.

If you DON’T compare it to the show:

You got a movie with SOME good jokes, amazing animation, but is so strangely paced that it feels like the movie starts at the middle of the story and never shows the beginning, and feels like a completely different movie halfway through, and is also very choppily edited.

(I even double checked a clip of the movie just to prove my point there: When Lloyd uses all his dragon mech weapons on Garmadon, they play the exact same sound effect and explosion, just with different angles, SIX TIMES. FSM WAS THAT EDITOR HUNG OVER WHEN DOING THEIR JOB THAT DAY?! And that’s just one example I’ve got. I think this was the first time EVER when I was in a movie theater and I distinctly remember asking “What is wrong with the editing here? Who thought this was good editing?? Who thought this was appropriate in any way???” So I thank this movie for giving me such a memory and making me value good editing.)

You also got a world that isn’t very well fleshed out, characters that the movie chooses to not focus on except the main character and the main villain. And you got a movie that tells its audience it’s okay to forgive your parents that neglected you and are active terrorists even if they earned or done absolutely no redemption whatsoever.

I mean Garmadon in this movie BETRAYS them and leaves them to rot so he could terrorize the city again at the end. Then gets eaten by the cat. Then Lloyd forgives him. Idk what more you want me to say.

I’m not gonna act like Crystalized did it any better though. Pick your poison.

But then you got fans of the show. The people who watched the show since kids (that includes me). Who are naturally bias towards the shows lore and characterization…

OOOOOOHHH boy…

I don’t hate EVERY portrayal of the ninja in the movie as much as other people. I actually think there’s some good ideas for an AU version of these characters here. Problem is the movie never does anything with them.

Well, I say I don’t hate every portrayal, the one I truly cannot stand is Zane’s.

There’s just so much wrong with how they portrayed Zane that it just does not work. Not as an adaptation of the character. Not in any way that makes sense for this universe and is actually kinda insulting.

There’s no other robots in this city. (Like there are in the show) Why is Zane the only one and why is he in high school? Why would Wu ever pick a robot to be a ninja?

In the show the reason is pretty simple: Wu didn’t know at the time.

But everyone knows in the movie. What’s movie Wu’s excuse?

There’s also in terms of personality.

Keep in mind later seasons of the show have the same issues, so I’m talking about what it was at the time of the movie.

Zane’s whole robot identity is crucial to his character. The show introduced him as ‘the strange one’. As he couldn’t understand social cues, took things very seriously, didn’t share the same sense of humor as the rest of the team, had a hard time displaying his emotions, and bonded with things the others didn’t and excelled at certain areas like cooking.

He’s a character that connected to a lot of neurodivergent people in the audience who could relate to him. No he’s not intentional autistic rep, but one that definitely mattered to the people that headcannoned him as such.

(Also helps that they introduce other robot characters later that clearly don’t have the same characteristics he does. So really it depends on what you see.)

So the reveal that he was a robot was such a huge deal to not just the plot but to him as he finally got a concrete definition of what he is and who he is. And the show NEVER decides to say “You know, it would be so much better if you were a human!”

“Why can’t you just be normal?!”

That’s part of why I personally can’t stand fics that make Zane human. It just doesn’t feel right to me and misses the point of the character.

While I absolutely did not expect the movie to cover his… really heavy backstory with his inventor/father and how he outlived him, then got his memory and sense of identity wiped by him moments before death, which was meant to be an act of sympathy but would actually harm Zane’s mentality for the entire show…

The movie didn’t need to adapt that. For all we know, movie Zane could have a very happy backstory. And that would be fine. All I wanted was for the identity-seeking aspect of Zane’s character to matter in some way.

It didn’t.

The jokes they use for Zane in this movie are that of “Haha, he’s a robot. Isn’t it so funny that he doesn’t understand humanity very well?”

You know, something that in one episode of the show was portrayed as a BAD THING for people to think that of him! And that those people needed to learn to respect him for who he is!

And that’s the ONLY thing they do with him. Just robot jokes. Very stereotypical robot jokes.

Again, later seasons of the show are guilty of this too. So I will not act like the show is perfect.

For the reasons I listed, these are actually far more offensive and harmful than you think. Especially fans of the show watching the movie. Him being the only robot in this movie world makes me think even more that this actually is autistic coding… and that makes it so much worse.

Zane being a robot being equal to autism is its own discussion. And has its own problems on paper alone. Whether or not this is your headcanon of him, and whether or not you think this is good representation either way is up to your feelings and experiences. (Personally I think it’s better than some live action shows attempting this)

The others don’t even seem to trust or want to be around him that much. The others seem annoyed by him half the time. Like they’re only tolerating him because he’s on their team. Yeah they don’t say that but simple looks and gestures are enough to get that impression. And not once does anyone ever express Zane’s value in their team. That’s the ONE thing that would’ve had me forgive this all.

But there’s my rant. The others?

Jay is mostly fine. I think this personality for the movie is a neat AU concept. Yes show Jay is openly terrified of things and awkward, but if there’s something he wasn’t was SHY.

Movie Jay is a shy and nervous wreck. And you know what? For a high school AU, I think it works. It doesn’t erase Jay’s essence entirely. They at the very least kept the detail of his character that he’s a fast learner.

I appreciate that.

Cole is actually a REALLY interesting concept to me with the AU idea they gave.

On the surface it’s just ‘He’s a DJ and willingly old school’

But if you see the show, this is actually an ODD approach. Because show Cole has a very complicated relationship with music.

In the show, Cole’s parents thrived in singing and dancing. His father specifically was a performer that won several awards with his band ‘The Royal Blacksmiths’. After Cole’s mother passed away, his father proceeded to push his ideals and his passions onto his kid and pressuring him to become another version of him. It got stressful enough that Cole ran away from home and resented music, something that used to be a bond of family for them, and that’s where Wu found him and made him a ninja.

Throughout the show, Cole would open up to music again more, but it’s pretty gradual and a very subtle bit of character development for him throughout the show. He doesn’t need to say “I hate making music” to get the point across. He only starts the music route again whenever it has something to do with making a family member, blood or not, happy.

So movie Cole is interesting to me for that reason. Because at the start, he basically IS a mini Lou. His whole thing is music and it’s heavily reflected on his personality.

To the point where his element in the movie isn’t even animated or portrayed as earth like it’s supposed to, instead it’s… sound waves?

Weird choice. Interesting one though cause maybe that’s just how movie Cole functions.

So it’s “Oh, what if Cole DID follow in his fathers footsteps and DID want to become a musician?”

Very interesting approach for a completely different approach of character development.

But the problem? Just like the others, not utilized.

But I do think this was an interesting AU idea. Is it accurate to the show version of the character? No. But that’s kind of the point I think.

Then there’s the RGB siblings. This is where it gets kinda weird for me.

Thanks to the movie, a lot of my friends mistook Kai and Nya for being twins.

They are not twins in the show. Kai is older.

I don’t think that dents their characters too much in the movie so long as the same points were across. They’re the blood related brother and sister who raised themselves when their parents abandoned them, and climbed out of the ashes to protect each other, and found a new expansion on their family that didn’t have to be blood related to count.

These two, in different ways, are the support of the team and especially Lloyd. They’re usually the lancer characters that Lloyd goes to when he can.

I still say that about Nya even though originally, she was NOT a ninja, but rather was a Samurai with a mech of her own invention that acted as a Tuxedo Mask for the ninja. She didn’t become the water ninja until Season 5.

Which… I know the movie takes heavy inspiration from the first two seasons, the beginning, so for those who haven’t seen the show watching the movie… yikes I feel bad about the lack of a spoiler warning. Same goes for Zane being a robot.

But I think that’s also a factor into Kai, at the former half of this show, (again I’m talking pre-movie with this). He was the first character we were introduced to and we’re following in the show before Lloyd ever showed up. So naturally he’d be the one with the most attention to supporting the Green Ninja. Something that was very vital character development for him individually as well.

He’s the old school one. He’s the cool one. He’s the one who looks out for you even if you don’t want them to. He’s the one that will jump to anything without thinking. He’s also the one with the most value in tradition out of the ninja, as a blacksmith instead of a techie and as a traditional sword fighter rather than a fancy complicated weapon. He doesn’t get involved in tech willingly till he learns Twitter is a thing.

And in the movie, I think they took this characterization and said “Eh, give it to the girl instead.”

So most of show Kai’s character traits are now movie Nya’s. She’s the cool one with the most passion for traditional stories, she’s the one with arguably the most talks with Lloyd to calm him, and she’s pretty loud and brash in personality.

Not saying show Nya is not those things, she is. But the difference in the show was that Nya was HUGE on independence and doing her own thing. Being the only woman and a younger sibling in the main cast is actually a big deal to her. Not wanting to have her destiny be decided by the world or her brother as a damsel in distress or a sacrifice, she took to tech to invent her own ways of helping. Her own character.

Until destiny told her “Actually no, you can’t be the person you want to be. You have to stick to tradition that your mother had and be the water ninja.”

That’s… honestly a very brutally honest message that not a lot of people I see give credit for. Cause yes, expressing yourself and being your own person and being able to make your own fate is amazing… but it’s not always possible.

Sometimes you can’t be the person you want. Sometimes the world just will not let you. That doesn’t mean your identity is worthless, though. If you go with the flow, you can actually find that fate has plans for you that might not suck after all.

Basically a ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ messaging there.

It’s part of why Nya’s whole thing throughout the show is her starting as a damsel trying to reinvent herself and her stereotype, and ending as a willing sacrifice and death of her whole identity that she doesn’t regret because she’s embraced the flow of life and purpose. Even if she forgets herself in the realm of spirituality, her loves one’s never will.

…Until Crystalized undid ALL of that. BUT LETS NOT.

Movie Nya just really isn’t any of that. She’s basically just her brother.

Which… I’m actually fine with. The show has some bumps in the road in execution of her story anyway. And they want the only female of this team to not be a background character cause that’s look bad. I totally understand that. And her being a sibling to Kai makes me forgive it a whole lot more cause it does make sense.

But again, we don’t know what their lives are like or if they have similar backstories to theirs in the show at all.

But where does that leave Kai?

Well his whole character in the movie seems to basically be “I’m the loud one and a complete klutz and meathead.”

Basically TD Tyler.

It’s a personality in the movie that bled in the show post movie. While I personally think it was not THAT bad in the show, Secrets of the Forbidden Spinjitsu made me go “Okay. I understand now.”

As for movie Kai, that’s really about it.

It really was an early indicator of just giving Kai’s character traits to other characters. Before the show was visibly doing it.

Cause movie Lloyd is also basically just Kai but with a different backstory and context to situation. But honestly, I DO see what they were going for here.

As the ONLY ninja to get ANY focus, this version of Lloyd is well explained on what his life is.

In the show, he’s an abandoned child in an abusive boarding school who heavily idolizes his father, Lord Garmadon, and runs away to become a super villain. Only for Destiny to tell him not to, and we see his true colors and that he just wanted his family together and to love him. Something that was… hard. Considering who Garmadon is.

That is actually carried into the movie. Just cut out him running away. Here’s the difference.

Show Lloyd loves his dad and refuses to hurt him until he has to. While he is the Green Ninja, he didn’t resent himself being Garmadon’s son. What he resented was the destiny that took them apart.

Movie Lloyd HATES his dad for abandoning him, terrorizing the city, making said city cancel him for EXISTING, and he wants every excuse to shut this man out of his life forever.

That does make sense. And to the movie’s credit, the movie logic DOES work to make this version of Lloyd make sense.

It makes the movie pretty mean spirited and kinda unpleasant at times. But it works for the story.

I described Lloyd as ‘The Emo Child’. In the show. But that’s two words.

Emo. CHILD.

He’s still a kid. He’s still the youngest. He still has his own child-like wonder of the world and the aspirations that of a child would.

Yeah he’s a lot of angst. But he’s also a sweet kid who deserves hugs.

That’s not very apparent in movie Lloyd. Not that it needs to fit movie context.

But because we never see how the ninja in the movie got together, we have no idea why Lloyd even accepted being the Green Ninja in the first place. He even says in the movie that he’d give it up if it meant he didn’t have to be Garmadon’s son.

Movie Lloyd is the only ninja in this movie with an actual character arc. He resents his dad, tries to be rid of him, only to get consequences for it, goes on a quest to fix his mistake, bonds with his dad to learn he’s… sympathetic? I guess?? And in the end forgives his dad and chooses to let him in his life again.

Simple. Fine. It works on Lloyds end just fine. And I have to give credit for the movie making Lloyd resenting Garmadon more logical than Crystalized ever did.

It’s Garmadon’s end that just makes the whole thing a bad message in the end of ‘forgive your abusers.’

Yes he’s funny. That doesn’t undo his actions.

No it’s not undone in the show either, but at least you can buy the forgiveness there because every character knew that he had no choice.

In the show, Garmadon is the Oni Child of the FSM. Thus all it took was for another Oni creature, the Great Devourer, to trigger his blood and FORCE him into the evil role without his consent. It forced him to do nasty things to his loved ones and the land his dad created, and by the time he became his evil form, he was forcefully stripped away from all of his loved ones and a chance at normal life. So the only way he could ever get that back was to turn the world into his own image, thus having the world become him too. A monster.

The show made it abundantly clear that most of Garmadon’s evil deeds are either out of ambition for what he deems as helping the family, or not his fault at all due to snake venom influence.

I THINK the movie also has this because they do address him getting bit and becoming the creature he appears as in both versions.

Better than nothing I guess.

But then you get his ‘sympathetic backstory’ which is pretty much just a love story between him and Koko-

Yeah Lloyds moms name is actually different in both versions. And in role.

Misako abandoned her child to try and solve the destiny crisis, then returned to his life to help her kid out.

Koko remained a mother to her kid and supported him even when everyone hated him.

These are very different characters basically, and which one you prefer is up to you. Personally… I actually prefer the movie. I do think the mom was the one character that the movie actually improved upon. Especially with a very interesting story for her.

In the show, Misako is a researcher and just the fair maiden figure that Wu and Garmadon fell in love with. To which she chose Garmadon because of Wu’s letter that Garmadon forged his name on… it’s complicated.

In the movie, she was actually a fighter as well and took a part of the wars Garmadon was in. She enjoyed the thrill of the fight and fell in love with her opponent in a pretty cute montage.

But then they had a baby and her reality changed, realizing she could not raise her child on the battlefield. And when Garmadon refused to change his mind, she took Lloyd and left him behind. So she could be a mother.

Explains her actions in the movie all throughout very well and I never got lost when it came to her. She’s probably the one character in the movie I felt the most sorry for. She’s such a sweet parent and her interactions with Lloyd are probably the best parts of the movie. I wanna hug her.

But that’s all that’s shown of Garmadon. Apparently Garmadon was oppressed, but that’s told at the end and not shown or been significant at all.

They don’t hate you cause you look funky. They hate you cause YOU TERRORIZE THEIR CITY ON A DAILY BASIS AND SHOOT PEOPLE OUT OF A VOLCANO

Yeah show Garmadon did similar stuff, but again, WASNT HIS CHOICE.

Here, it’s absolutely his choice cause nothing indicated otherwise.

Garmadon doesn’t even PROCESS his kids existence or his own negligence three quarters of the time. And you expect me to buy a redemption from him?

You know, I’d be fine with it if he was just a one dimensional villain and the story of the movie was about Lloyd putting his energy away from a family that doesn’t care about him and more towards a surrogate one he has.

But no. You gotta have Lloyd forgive Garmadon and have Garmadon redeemed.

Cause that’s what the show did.

Even though this is supposed to be an AU not connected to the show so we can do whatever we want.

The most they do for Garmadon’s redemption is force him to be the mentor after Wu got yeeted off a bridge by a butterfly, have him go “Oh yeah, I DID shoot people out of a volcano!”, teach his son how to catch, and tell his son his backstory.

(Speaking if, Wu to me is basically the same. Just different voice actor delivery. I got nothing to say on him)

And then if that IS redemption, then he failed it. Because he offers Lloyd to be his general when they take over the city again, showing he’s learned nothing. Then when Lloyd says no, he steals their magic weapons and ditches them in a temple leaving them to DIE. Then he goes to terrorize the city again.

What redemption. /s

Again, this was all HIS choice. If it was not and if it was snake venom, they couldn’t at least give a visual cue or address it?

And now LLOYD has to apologize?

NO. LLOYD WAS RIGHT. THERES ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHY HE SHOULD LET HIS DAD INTO HIS LIFE. THE DAD HIMSELF PROVED THAT.

It just paints an unintentional bad message of ‘you have to forgive your abusers’

I’m sorry but Lloyd doesn’t owe this Garmadon anything.

I do like Lloyd’s VA delivery though, and the speech about green being the color of life. I actually like the idea of Lloyds power being his heart. Yeah it’s not flashy powers like in the show, but for an AU, it’s a really cool idea and I wish they used it more.

I have mixed feelings on the celebrity casting. Did I expect the original voice actors? No. But this casting wasn’t awful.

Garmadon’s VA is amazing in this movie. Jackie Chan as Wu is very subjective I feel, love it or hate it. Nya and Jay’s were really good too. I think the only one that didn’t work for me was Kai’s VA. Just… why does this teenager sound like a 50 year old man??

But honestly, I think the thing that got to me the most about the movie was something I praised about the show not too long ago.

The bond between the ninja.

I talked about how the show is a master class at character dynamics. There is almost no point where the characters are just standing there in one big clunk. Someone is saying something, someone is making a comment, someone is doing something, and it’s usually there for others to see and react to. It’s a very small thing, but it keeps the scenes alive and fresh the whole time and helps the audience be sold on the characters bond.

They don’t wait for the scenes of “Okay it’s time for characters to interact”. They just do it all the time.

And guess what the movie did? They’re just there in one big chunk all the time. With “okay it’s time for characters to interact” bits.

It’s one thing to not explore the other ninja at all. It’s another to ignore their bond.

In the show, they’re a found family. They all had rough upbringings in life and find a new sense of purpose in each other.

That’s NEVER emphasized in the movie except for one speech at the end Lloyd makes. Mostly cause we don’t know the other ninjas lives, and we don’t know how they even got together. Cause as I said, the movie starts at the middle, and awkwardly cuts after Garmadon is forgiven to be the end. We don’t know what it is about THIS ninja team that we should care about. It’s not shown.

All were shown is them being a team by circumstance only. Then Lloyd pulls out the cat laser and the cat nearly kills them. Then they hate Lloyd for it and spend the rest of the movie making fun of Lloyd.

Which yeah they make fun of each other in the show too, but where it ended in the show was playful teasing in the middle of moments that showed they cared about each other. And when one bond between two or more of them was broken, you felt it.

Here? I don’t know that and there isn’t anything besides the high school montage to show they cared. Just some comments about “Oh it’s okay Lloyd, it’s just awkward that your dad is a terrorist”. And then they make fun of Lloyds expense.

It’s mean spirited. It makes me think they don’t like each other. And it’s not like they ever apologize for it. They’re just teammates because Wu said so. They’re just tolerating Lloyd cause Wu said so.

Honestly the bloopers for this movie show more personality and more of this bond than the entire movie does.

…OOF that took awhile. I don’t even know why I did this, I just didn’t feel like sleeping. Uh… you read this, congrats. Idk why you did.

Is it safe now to admit that I really don't like the Ninjago movie? Just hear me out.

As a movie on its own, it's literally just retreading the same ground as The Lego Movie. And it does it way worse.

"Oh no look it's [BIG BAD WITH ROBOTS] who is going to use [SUPER WEAPON] to destroy everything and make it into what he wants it to be! Only [SOCIAL OUTCAST] and his ragtag group of weirdos can take him down, and maybe learn that [LIFE LESSON THAT TIES INTO PROTAGONIST MOTIVATION AND ANTAGONIST REASON FOR BEING EVIL] along the way."

Like, The Lego Movie was a genuinely fun original story, and you absolutely get the sense that this is a story they wanted to tell. The Lego Batman Movie is similarly that, and is a genuine love letter to Batman and such an interesting character deep-dive through the use of parody. The Lego Ninjago Movie is just TLM but again.

And then there's how it holds up as a Ninjago movie. They adapted an existing beloved TV series with a lot of lore and unique/interesting characters. And they made it a joke.

"Alright, I'm so excited to see this movie for my favorite show. Are we gonna get some cool Garmadon v Lloyd? Are we gonna get an interesting arc for Kai? Are we gonna expand upon the existing lore?"

"Nah we're gonna ignore all that."

"...what?"

"Yeah no we don't really wanna do all that. But hey, wouldn't it be hilarious if Garmadon pronounced Lloyd's name like 'L-loyd'? Cause it has two L's?"

"... ... ...do we at least get to see the Skulkin again?"

"Nah it's goons in fish costumes now."

And also it created the post-movie era and I one-hundred-percent blame them for the loss of red-haired Jay.

[soft-pine]

be my anchor, pull me under

some blueberry pie life: chapter 16

You have barbecues and go to football games. You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean. Promise me.

Now there was a woman who had been suffering from a flow of blood for twelve years. She had endured much under many physicians and had spent all that she had, and she was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, for she said, “If I but touch his cloak, I will be made well.” Immediately her flow of blood stopped, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. Immediately aware that power had gone forth from him, Jesus turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my cloak?” And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing in on you; how can you say, ‘Who touched me?’” He looked all around to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling, fell down before him, and told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.” Mark 5:25–34

title from Anchor by Jack Ingram, John Randall, and Miranda Lambert

notes below

May, 2010

Both these sections take place during and right after the events of Swan Song (5.22)

The previous four times Dean was injured that Cas is thinking of are from 4.01, 4.16, 5.01, and 5.18.

The bible story both Dean and Cas are thinking of is Mark 5:25–34.

Yes, the part where Dean is thinking Cas would never tell him to worship and kneel is foreshadowing to the end of season 6.

The memory Dean is thinking of in Bobby's kitchen is from chapter 6 of this fic.

When Dean is to Bobby's with Cas in the car at the end of Swan Song, the windshield is still cracked. But it's fixed by the time he leaves Bobbys so I'm presuming Bobby helped replace it for him.

The memory Bobby is referring to is from chapter 5.

The memory of Bobby disabling the car is from 3.16.

The way Bobby talks about Dean treating Lisa right is in reference to Bobby's own father who took out his anger and issues on Bobby's mom (7.10). I don't think Bobby actually thinks Dean would hurt Lisa but I do think that kind of thing is always on his mind.

Unfortunately for me, they changed the set for Lisa's house from season 5 to season 6 so please forgive any inaccuracies relating to either house.

The issue of why (and who) removed the hand print will be dealt with later on. Unfortunately, this is one of the more evil things I've ever done.

[cruxymox]

these are the last memories i have of myself before being dismantled, so forgive me for thoughts that are out of order, words drawn poorly, inaccuracies, or my mentioning events that just did not happen at all. forgive me for these thoughts.

i am on a metal table, i am slowly being taken apart. each piece of me is being labelled and catalogued and stored away, even the useless bits. what i feel are the useless bits. i am uncertain as to who or what is doing the taking apart, but at this point

it does not really matter.

there are tubes that are drawing out pieces of me that are aetherial and mist-like into a large, loud machine. the machine is part metal, and part flower garden, and i do not quite understand any of it. the machine is frightening and beautiful all at once. it is connected to a printer, and sheets of paper are being pulled from it with strange hands and put into manila folders.

these strange hands, i do not understand any of them.

it is clear that the folders contains memories of mine. i reach out to one to open it, but just as my fingers graze the edge of the paper, a strange hand gently pulls it away.

these strange hands, i do not understand any of them.

but my fingers do touch it, just barely, and i feel the memory.

[ we send each other purple and blue hearts. you send me a photo where you have your wings, angel wings. i float in joy and despair all at once. i— ]

it is a random memory, and i wish it were a different one that i had touched before the strange hand gently pulled it away.

i am slowly being dismantled, and i wonder what will be done with all of my pieces.

forgive me for wondering, forgive me for not knowing.

[addoration]

thoughts on will parry's predicament in tsk (and bleeding into tas, so beware spoilers)

(forgive me for inaccuracies in this meta, i dont have my copies of hdm with me so im going on memory alone!)

so will parry, maybe 13 years old, has murdered a man. manslaughter, really, and was it even really his fault? the man shouldn't have been there in the first place.

he runs and runs and runs in fear, all the way from - what was it, winchester? - to oxford. he's physically running away, and while he would like to mentally run away too, he can't. he's gripped with fear and guilt and despair, and the only good emotion he's probably feeling is gladness that he had managed to get his mum out of there before that night.

he's too young and doesnt understand enough to realise that the dead man would never have been found. pullman does such a good job of making us get inside will's mind, see things from his childish perspective - we know, distantly, that these men must have been hired by someone else who's up to no good to go and break in to his house etc, and thus we might deduce that there would be some sort of "clean up" where the death of the man doesn't see the light of day.

in the show, we're shown this explicitly. it's almost too obvious? we know suddenly that it's boreal behind the invasions n stalking.

in the book, however, we're left as shocked and reeling as will is. like i said, distantly we know all those facts - but pullman manages to write in such a way that we see things simply from will's perspective, and we forget all logic. we're all scared little boys running from a bad deed.

and he meets lyra, and amongst the things he's thinking is probably "she doesn't know what ive done. i can still be a good person to her."

except of course, lyra pries and consults the alethiometer and she finds out exactly what will is. a murderer.

and well, anyone who has heard me speak abt it before knows that that scene where she finds out he's a murderer and is just like "awesome, he can keep us safe then" is one of my favourites. i think they did it dirty in the show. BUT regardless, i believe that this is both anticlimatic and also a climax at the same time.

anticlimatic because she finds out will's a murderer and she's actually put at ease. climactic because of the exact same reasons: its a pivotal moment in their relationship, even as early on as it is.

(actually can i say that as much as i adore the scene, i find it a bit..... wrong? it always rubbed me the wrong way that the altheiometer, a truth telling device, called will a murderer. it shouldnt, because that is ultimately what he is!!! he killed someone, intentional or not. but.

but.

will parry unintentionally and quite by accident killed that man. the word murderer just never sat right with me, despite it being true. i dont know if im alone in this - does anyone else feel this way??

anyway, moving on. the fact is, he seems to quickly forget about it. he's still on the look out for coppers when they cross back into his world, so of course it's not out of his mind completely! he's paranoid but not so paranoid as to be irrational.

but he goes the rest of the books without really thinking about it much more. remember when he draws the knife and intends to stand up to - who was it, the metatron? he does so without a thought.

which is partly on par for his character: he's a protector, he's a survivor. but i also feel like pullman forgets to give him any of the trauma that should come with accidentally killing someone.

even though kids are more resilient. even though its very much likely that he's pushed that into the mists of his mind simply because he has more pressing matters to attend to (finding lyra).

actually it's just occured to me; he doesn't have time to really grieve his father, either.

but anyway, back to the topic.

when the knife shatters, he's thinking of his mother. when he cant make another cut, he's thinking of his mother.

it's interesting that pullman chose love to be the driving force behind everything that will parry does. i actually really appreciate and adore that. i don't belive its ever explicitly said? but he is the bravest character in the trilogy. lyra endures a lot and is brave too, don't get me wrong, but there's something about will, seen consciously putting love first time and time again, that makes you remember that he, unlike lyra, did not choose this adventure, and so him standing in the face of it all and choosing to love anyway is a sign of his bravery.

i mean, thats not to mention the time he stands in front of iorek and says "fight me".

it's interesting to me. he is by far the kindest character in the series. even lyra, though never meaning ill, has her moments of small cruelty, though they taper out towards the end of the triology as she grows up and is also influenced by will.

i started this trying to gather a few thoughts on will being a murderer, and ive ended up concluding that will is the bravest and kindest character. do you think balthamos would have done what he did, sacrificing his life, if he had never been influenced by will?

and let me touch on one thing i said in passing: will did not choose this journey. men started stalking his mother and him, forcing him into the actions at the start of tsk; lyra, on the other hand, fought tooth and nail to go north and save roger, and then continued to chose to walk over the bridge between worlds that asriel created. you can say that it was fate and she was destined to do so, so she didn't have a choice either.... but its not true. she had a choice the same way eve had a choice.

well! ive said a lot and resolved none of the floating thoughts in my head. feel free to comment or add your thoughts to this, or come talk to me in the hdm server (msg me if you would like a link) about what ive said!! i just love will parry a lot.

[jackrrabbit]

Sleepless /// Tanjiro x f!reader (18+)

Request: Hi!! I'm not entirely sure on how to request since this is my first time EVER requesting something here on tumblr 😳😳 so im not sure if im doing this right,,,but um,,,,could you do a soft dom! tanjiro kamado x reader nsfw??? (he's aged up of course)

A/N: Y’all I’ve been working on this practically since I made this gd blog…idk why it took so long since I LOVE the concept. Reader is a traumatized bby who just needs her kitty licked  ✊😔 and honestly same

Tags/warnings: soft dom, daddy vibes but without the ‘daddy’ (onii-chan vibes?), brief mentions of past demon violence & PTSD, fluff?, historical inaccuracies probably, reader is implied to be inexperienced, mild overstimulation, lowkey yandere lowkey romantic who knows, all characters are adults

It starts out with little things. Harmless things. Tanjiro sees you barely ate anything at dinner, and later that night he comes to your bedroom with a plate of food for you. “You should eat,” he tells you.

“I’m not hungry,” you say, almost a little petulantly. The food looks good and you know he’s trying to be nice, but you’re not a child. You can take care of yourself, and even when you can’t it’s not his job to do it for you.

“Eat,” he says again softly. It’s not a command. It’s like he already knows you’re going to eat, and he’s just patiently waiting for you to give in.

You pick up the chopsticks and eat the food he prepared for you. All of it. Tanjiro sits there and watches and then when you’re done, he smiles at you and pats your head and takes the plate away. You think it’s weird, but the next morning you don’t question it. He’s a big brother to everyone—doesn’t it make sense that he would want to make sure you’re eating enough?

He probably can’t help it.

You decide you’re going to let it slide, until a few days later after breakfast with him and the others when Tanjiro pulls you aside and holds your face in his hands and tells you you’re looking a little tired lately—are you getting enough sleep?

The truth is that you aren’t. You want to deny it, but somehow you have a hard time lying to him. “I used to sleep with my siblings in our bed, so it’s hard to fall asleep since…” since the demon who made you an orphan murdered them. “And, you know. Nightmares.”

Tanjiro understands. Of course he understands! He used to have five younger siblings, did you know that? Now Nezuko has her own room and the rest…well, you’ve heard the story. It’s hard to fall asleep when you’re by yourself, isn’t it? He’s been there.

“How many hours are you sleeping every night? On average?”

You’re trying too hard to ignore the brush of his callused fingertips over your cheekbones, so you tell him the truth without meaning to. “Um, like four hours? On a good day?”

His eyes go wide and suddenly both of his hands are wrapped around one of yours and squeezing, maybe a little too tight. “Is that the truth, (Y/N)? Four hours is too little. Sleep deprivation isn’t good for you.”

“I know, but—”

“No. The next time you have trouble getting to sleep, I want you to come to my room.” You open your mouth to mount a denial, but he frowns and cuts you off. “Promise me. Okay? It’s really bad for your health, so promise.”

And once again, you say yes even though you don’t want to.

It’s fine. It’ll be fine, you think. You’ll just pretend you’re sleeping better. Tonight you’ll lay in bed with your eyes open and stare at the ceiling and try to listen to your own breathing, in and out and in and out, and hope it drowns out the memories that stick fast in your head whenever you’re by yourself. Then when you’ve been laying in the dark for a few hours, you’ll finally fall asleep and all your nightmares will play out in technicolor and you’ll do your best to be quiet so you don’t wake anyone else up and in the morning you’ll splash cold water on your face to make your eyes less puffy and pinch your cheeks to get some color in them and it’ll be fine.

You can take care of yourself. You have to, since everyone else is gone. So you’re not sure why, when the sun goes down and you’re looking into the face of another sleepless night, you find yourself knocking on the door of Tanjiro’s bedroom.

Maybe it’s just that he made you promise. You hate breaking your promises.

He lets you in, the half-asleep affect mixing with the same caring, serene look as always (and it’s a little insulting that he’s not surprised at all). Tanjiro sits on the bed first and you can’t help staring at him in the flickering orange lamplight. He’s more muscular than you remembered, and taller than when you first met. He can play the role of a big brother all he likes, but he’s still an adult. A man. And he’s not family.

“I don’t know if this is a good idea,” you say, fidgeting with the sleeve of your shirt.

“It’s okay, (Y/N),” Tanjiro murmurs as he lies down, his voice still scratchy with sleep. Somehow it relaxes you. He just has that way about him—when he says it’s okay, it feels okay.

Tanjiro pats the spot on the bed next to him. It looks really warm, and there’s a winter chill in the air even though it’s only September. It’s a bed made for one person, but Tanjiro—ever considerate—has moved over to one side to make space for you.

“Come on. Come sleep,” he instructs in that soft, non-demanding way of his. So you sit down on the edge of the bed and (carefully, carefully, like you’re making your way into a hot bath) fold your legs and pull the covers over you so you’re lying next to him. The bed is even warmer than you thought it’d be. Tanjiro radiates heat—he’s so warm, you think, how fitting—and then before you know it you’re drifting into the first dreamless sleep you’ve been afforded in a very long time.

That first night, you sleep with a good six inches of space between the two of you. You don’t want to touch him, don’t want to cross that invisible boundary—at first. But it doesn’t matter, because every time you wake up next to him, you’re curled up to his side like a puppy seeking warmth. It’s not like he minds. Judging from the gentle smile on his face when he wakes you up in the morning (and tells you that you should go back to your room before anyone notices you’re not there) he likes it.

Never again, you think. No way. But you haven’t had a good night’s sleep in so long, and it’s nice to be well-rested for once, and the next evening you only lie in your bed for fifteen minutes before you’re knocking on Tanjiro’s door again, silently asking if you can take advantage of his kind nature for just one more night.

He says yes. Of course he does. So you sleep next to Tanjiro again, you keep half a foot of space between you again, and you wake up hugging him. Again. And then you do it the next night, and the next night, sleeping beside Tanjiro over and over until you no longer bother trying to leave room between your body and his.

Is this okay? you wonder sometime around the two-week mark. It’s the longest you’ve gone without having nightmares since the demon came. Sometimes you think you’re betraying your loved ones by trying not to think about their deaths; letting yourself off easy while they suffered. You tell this to Tanjiro while the two of you are lying back to back under his blanket, quietly enough that (you hope) if he’s already sleeping you won’t wake him.

He hears you, and he turns around and lays his arm around your waist. “Don’t be silly…of course they wouldn’t want you to be unhappy.”

“But how do you know?”

“I know.” Tanjiro’s voice is half muffled by your hair, but it’s steady. “You believe me, don’t you.”

You do.

“Don’t think about that anymore.” His hold on your waist gets a little bit tighter, arms a little bit less forgiving.

“I won’t,” you say, hoping that the promise will be enough. The two of you fall asleep like that, and when you wake up in the morning it’s the first time ever that you haven’t moved in the night.

As if it wasn’t enough to be spending every night together, at some point you start to dream about him too. Usually it’ll just be a flash or a snippet that you barely remember once you wake—the reassuring tone of his voice, a smell like a campfire, or a few notes of laughter—but tonight you’re watching him train in the courtyard. In the dream, he moves through his forms with inhuman grace, position to position to position, balanced with perfect agility like he’s a dancer and not a swordsman. With how beautiful it is, you can almost forget the raw power behind his movement, the strength that has subjugated more demons than you care to know.

He pauses to stretch, rolling his shoulders back, and you notice that he’s shirtless (which is how you know it’s a dream). Tanjiro’s arms flex as he raises the blade into position, and the sun shimmers over the thin sheen of sweat on his chest. He looks ethereal like this, and as you sit on the porch and watch him, you feel heat stir inside of you that has nothing to do with the sunlight.

Tanjiro, you call out softly. He looks around to you, deep red eyes resting on yours, and whips the blade down to replace it in its sheath.

Can I come closer? The grass is cool and wet under your bare feet as you pad lightly into the courtyard toward him. You can taste the humid summer air in your mouth. Fingers tangle themselves in your hair, tilting your head up to meet his.

Tanjiro…

“(Y/N)?”

Tanjiro’s voice cuts through the dream and you scrunch your eyes shut, reluctant to leave the dream world where he wants to touch you, not out of pity or because he thinks it’s his duty to take care of you but because he wants to. But it’s too late—his hand is on your shoulder, gently shaking you out of your slumber. “(Y/N)? You said my name.”

“Sorry, I…sorry.”

“What were you dreaming about?”

He kissed you, in your dream. Now that you’re looking at the real version, your cheeks feel warm…and so does that same spot below your belly. Suddenly the room feels uncomfortably hot, and you wish you weren’t trapped under the covers with Tanjiro. You shift your legs to try and get a little more air between the two of you, but the heat persists.

“I think I should go back to my room.” You must be sweating—you feel damp for some reason. He’s too close.

Tanjiro ignores you. “Can you tell me what you were dreaming about?”

“I—you,” you admit. “You were training.”

“And?”

“And…I don’t know. It’s kind of warm in here, isn’t it? I think I’ll just…” You push the cover aside and sit up, but before you can get yourself off the bed, Tanjiro is tugging you back down, holding to the mattress so he can hover over you in that way he likes.

“Tell me,” he says to you, voice as firm as it is gentle. Sleep-mussed locks of red hair flop over his forehead but his face is serious, and you can’t look away.

“You kissed me,” you whisper.

That takes him by surprise. You can tell by the way his eyes widen, but his hold on you doesn’t ease up. You want to die. Why did you say that? He’ll think you’re disgusting, sleeping next to him in his bed and having perverted dreams about him. Why couldn’t you have just lied? Why can’t you ever lie to him?

“I’m going back to my bedroom.” You try to project more confidence than you actually feel, but there’s no use. Tanjiro doesn’t seem like he’s going to let you get away from him any time soon.

He’s straddling your body carefully, one elbow folded next to your head while his other hand comes up to stroke your cheek. “Your face is all red.”

“You’re…you’re too close.”

“I don’t think I’m close enough. You have goosebumps, look...” Tanjiro folds up the sleeve of your sleep shirt, exposing your arms to view. “…here…and here, too…”

His hands are wandering further down to the hem of the shirt, pushing it up so slowly and gently that you’re not even sure it’s happening until you feel him stroking over your belly. It’s true, you do have goosebumps. It feels like every hair on your body is standing on end. “Tanjiro…?”

“I guess you haven’t been able to touch yourself, since we’ve been sleeping together. That kind of repression is bad for your health. Even I’ve been a little…frustrated.”

Your mind has to work overtime to understand what he’s telling you as he strokes over your stomach and onto the sensitive skin of your sides, and then up to the flesh covering your ribs. His thumb teases over the underside of one of your breasts for a second, but the shock must have shown on your face because he retreats immediately.

“I’m not. I’m not frustrated,” you say, knowing he won’t believe you.

Tanjiro shakes his head in dismissal. “I don’t think that’s true, (Y/N).”

What are you supposed to say? Of course it’s not true. But admitting that you’ve been feeling heated around him lately would ruin everything, so refuse to say it. “I…I don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say it. Can I prove it to you?”

What does he mean? Your head jerks up and down in acquiescence. You barely have to wait a moment before Tanjiro’s hands are slipping down your sides to the waistband of your pants and tugging them down over your hips. A tap on your hipbones prompts you to lift your hips and let him remove the clothing, not that you know why you’re complying so blindly.

Just like you always do.

Is he still trying to take care of you? Putting himself in a caretaker’s role because he thinks you need him? This is going a little far, too far maybe, but you can’t deny you want this. The heat of his body is no longer stifling—instead, it feels like it’s pulling you into him.

When your pants are out of the way, Tanjiro reaches into your underwear and dabs against your slit. It’s not until you feel his finger sliding between the puffy lips of your cunt that you realize how wet you are…and of course he can feel it too. Your knees jerk together to try and push him away from you but he’s unfazed, his touch steadily becoming more intrusive as he seeks out the syrupy dampness from your pussy.

“What am I feeling right now? I want you to tell me.”

“You’re—you’re touching me?” you gasp out.

“And you’re all wet. You can’t tell me you haven’t been frustrated when you’re getting this wet with just my fingers.” At this, you feel him prodding deeper into your pussy and stretching you open.

“Nn—okay, fine! Fine!” The words come out of you in a rapid burst, and you finally muster up the resolve to push Tanjiro away from you by his shoulders. “I’ll go back to my room and deal with it, okay? You don’t have to do it for me.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I can trust you to take care of this problem by yourself. You’ve been lying to me about your needs.”

You wish he wasn’t able to be so calm while you feel like your entire face is on fire. He pulls his hand out of your panties and backs up on the bed so his torso is framed between your legs. “Can you let me help you, (Y/N)? Let me take care of you.”

You lick your lips without realizing you’re doing it, and Tanjiro’s eyes follow the motion. You can barely comprehend what he’s asking. You want it. You want his hands on you; you want to be taken care of in the way he’s offering. But whether or not you can actually ask for it is another story. “Tanjiro…”

“You need this. I know you do.” He skims his palm over your bare thigh in a soothing motion that, oddly enough, puts your barbed nerves a fraction at ease. “I want you to be honest with me about what you need.”

It’s too much. The warmth of his body so tantalizingly close to yours, his shadowed eyes searching yours for a response you don’t know how to give him…and the sticky mess in your panties. Tanjiro’s giving you a free pass to get something you’ve wanted for longer than you can comfortably admit to yourself, and you’re not sure you could deny him if you tried. What can you tell him except the truth? “I want you. I need you.”

“Good girl. See how good it feels to be honest?” Tanjiro bows down and mouths over your pussy through the wet spot on your panties.

It’s not the honesty that feels good, you think as his tongue pads at you through the fabric.

Too impatient to wait another second to taste you, Tanjiro nudges your rear up and slides your panties down your legs. As soon as you kick the undergarment off your feet, he’s pulling your thighs back apart and curling his thickly-muscled arms around them to hold you securely as his head dips back down to your bare pussy. He wastes no time in laving his tongue over your slit and up to the button at the top.

The sensation of this hot, wet muscle pressing up against your most private area is…weird, to say the least. You’ve never felt anything like this—to be honest, you don’t even know exactly what Tanjiro’s doing. When you think about what’s actually happening on this bed—your (friend? partner? bedmate? crush?) ally has his mouth angled between your legs and is licking your pussy—you think you might spontaneously combust. You’ve never felt anything like this before, and however strange the feeling is, you’re more than aware of your hips grinding up toward Tanjiro just so you can feel more of it.

“Here, let me help…” Tanjiro effortlessly lifts you to place a pillow under your lower back, and then moves back down to continue his relentless licking, this time at a new angle that allows him full access to every millimeter of your raw cunt. He’s eating you out like your pussy is the last meal he’ll ever have.

And how can he help it? You taste so good, so sweet on his lips and over his tongue. You must have been in so much pain lying next to him every night with your desire leaking out between your thighs. Just thinking about is making heat rise low in his groin, and his grip on you is getting tighter by the second. How awful that you tried to keep this to yourself…it was remiss of him not to realize before tonight that you needed him so badly.

But it’s going to be alright, because judging from the muffled noises you’re making, every swipe of his tongue licking up your slit is more than making it up to you.

You probably don’t realize how much your hips are wiggling under his minstrations. He barely has to exert any effort to keep you still, but the way you keep trying you push yourself closer to him is enticing, not to mention the way you’re trying (and failing) to keep your voice down through your moans.

“Tanjiro…T-Tanjiro,” you whimper. It’s like you can’t think of anything except for his name. All of your attention is focused on the pressure building up deep in your core, each stroke of his tongue over your clit taking you higher and higher. You feel tense…wound up so tightly that you have to bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from letting the shallow puffs of air turn into full-fledged cries.

Just like that, please, please… You think the words rather than saying them, even though you want to. It’s too humiliating to be begging Tanjiro for more while he’s already giving you more than you deserve, but it’s almost like he heard you anyway, because his tongue writhes down across your clit again and your back arches up off the bedspread.

Your thighs twitch around his head, trying involuntarily to hold him down. He just chuckles and keeps you firmly in place, and his voice hums out over your pussy making feel even more wild. “Please, I’m—I’m cumming…” Your voice trails off and you crush the heels of your palms into your face to cover up your expression while the wave of pleasure hits you so hard you think you might faint.

Tanjiro doesn’t stop. You’re crying out in whimpers so high-pitched he can barely hear them, but he doesn’t stop. The delicate muscles in your pussy are throbbing under his tongue, but he doesn’t stop licking until you’re almost crying, panting out “it’s too much it’s too much, please Tanjiro” and pushing his head away with your hand.

When he finally pulls away, his hair is tangled and disarrayed from where you’ve been running your hands through it, and his mouth and jaw are shining wet. Tanjiro licks his lips and if you didn’t feel shaky before…you do now.

It takes a second for the power of thought to return to you, but when it does you just sigh weakly and flop back down onto the bed. Tanjiro’s next to you before you hit the pillow, and he grips your jaw with one hand to angle your head to meet his, and—

He’s kissing you. He’s actually kissing you. His lips are surprisingly soft over yours, but as usual there’s an unnecessary degree of pressure attached to the contact that has you sinking deeper into your blankets under his force. You can detect the lush, slightly bitter taste of your arousal coating the inside of his mouth as his tongue (skillful as ever) traces over yours. Tanjiro is kissing you, and it’s a hundred times better than any dream you could come up with on your own, so you kiss back.

It takes him a long moment to break the kiss, long enough that your lungs are pleading for air by the end of it. When his lips leave yours, a thin trail of saliva connects the two of you until it breaks and drips down your chin.

“Tanjiro…” You search for the right words, but what are you supposed to say at a time like this? “I…what did we just do?”

“Shh, don’t worry.” Tanjiro leans in again, this time just to press a chaste kiss to your forehead. “I’m going to take good care of you, okay?”

You take a moment and then duck your head into a nod. It doesn’t make any sense—how does he do that?—but once he says it’s okay it always is.

[calliopesstories]

The Heart Of A King - Chapter 1

Relationship: Caspian X Susan, Caspian X Reader, Platonic!Susan and Platonic!Reader

Warnings: 18+, smut (I’ll try the best I can), historical inaccuracy, misogyny and belief of 16th century, mention of death and sex, arranged marriage, /!\ Not proof read and non-english speaker writter /!\

Summary: There are opportunities in life that you have to take but you were different tough. Since you were born you always had things given to you on a silver plate. Yet you decided to create your own opportunities the day you chose to follow your father in all of his travels. It was no surprise for your parent when you left them no choice but to take you with them to the court of Cair Paravel, heart of your homeland. Even in your wildest dream you would have never thought of what destiny had in store for you when you took that opportunity and stepped in the castle of King Caspian and Queen Susan.

Words: 3,027

Author’s Note: Narnia (and the islands as well as the surrounding countries) is located in the Atlantic sea next to the strait of Gibraltar. It’s a mix between Southern Spain in terms of architecture and temperature, UK/France in terms of landscape and of course what you can see in the movies and be described in the books.

Two days of sea then just as much by carriage to reach the most magnificent palace of Narnia. No need to say it was all worth it. Nothing could compare to the beauty of Cair Paravel, its garden viewing the ocean, its impeccable white walls made of marble and the stained glasses that was colouring the inside of the castle in various colours. Last time you had been within the walls of this palace you were a child no older than five and yet it felt like yesterday. Nothing was as breath-taking as the home of the kings of Narnia, not even your father’s castle at Narrowhaven which was praised for its uniqueness and atypic beauty. Anyone who would be away from their home would feel homesick quickly but not you, you had left Narrowhaven when you were nine and only came back last year.

 Your father was the Grand Ambassador of King Caspian; he had started his duty under the rule of the king’s father and had sworn loyalty to his son. Thanks to his duty to the crown he had met your mother, he had married her and sired you, their one and only child. They had never needed more; you were everything they wanted and one day you would inherit the land and titles hold by your father. You were already marchioness of Narrowhaven however one day you would become the Duchess of the Lone Islands, courtesy of King Caspian IX. Not a lot of noble houses could brag about the fact that the king himself had gave them the right of female peerage. Just a few of you – daughters of high-ranking nobles – could take on the titles even with a male heir in the line of succession at the condition of the girl being born first. Not even the royal family had that right. Not that it made you feel particularly lucky, it was nice to think the castle you had grew up in would stay in your family forever even after marriage.

 The carriage stops right in front of the palace entrance. A flight of stairs leads to wooden graved doors decorated with gold and silver. You remembered well the tree with two trunks engraved on the doors after an old legend of Narnia but your child mind must have deceived you as you thought the doors were so big that giants must have lived here before. Turns out the door were huge, but not that much. They were twice the size of a grow man. Behind you servants were taking your personal items in order to put them where you’ll be leaving from now on.

 “You have the right to breath you know,” your father took your arm and patted gently your hand. “It’s not the first king you meet.”

 “There is a huge difference between a foreign king and the one for whom your father is working.”

 “Don’t worry Y/N, King Caspian is gentle and patient man. He knows you had never done this before that’s why Lady Prunaprismia will stay with you for a month then you will need no one’s help,” encouraged your mother.

 She knew you by heart. Every look, every breath and every head tilting had a significance your mother had no difficulties to understand. So when she saw you biting your lower lip, she understood how unsure of her statement you were. She had no doubt you would do well on your job. There were a few prized places at court that a woman of your status could hope to have: lady-in-waiting to the women of the royal family or governess to the king’s children. Those were official jobs but there was one every noble woman craved to have: mistress to the king. You had seen how this works and from one country to another, things weren’t that different. all hoped to dethrone the queen, thinking the king who loved them enough to put an alliance forged for years into the dirt for the beauty of their smile or whatever prowess they were doing in the royal bed. Foolish girls with foolish dreams.

 You were content with the place your mother had found you. What better way to learn the way of life than to help one grow? Prince Rilian wasn’t the son of Queen Susan yet she was the one who appointed you governess of the sole heir of the kingdom. This was thanks to your mother, the former governess of the queen. She had raised the Queen before she became your mother and by the way she was speaking of the queen you knew she was like a daughter to her although no one could take your place in her heart.

 You finally arrived in the throne room. The glass roof and the stained glasses gave the place an ethereal look worth of kings and queens. At the end of the room was standing four thrones of marble in front of a golden stained glass. You knew only three of them were occupied because the two were for the king and his queen, one was for the crown prince and the last throne was for the royal advisor – who had been executed last year for treason. The royal couple was waiting, stoically in their throne. You had no chance to look at them as you kneeled in front of your king and your queen before your father did, he had the privilege to stand in front of the king he had seen grow up.

 “His Grace Y/F/N, Duke of the Lone Islands, his wife Y/M/N, Duchess of the Lone Islands and their daughter the Lady Y/N,” announced a man on your right. “Welcome to the court of His Majesty King Caspian X and Her Majesty Queen Susan.”

 “Thank you Trumpkin but I know Lord Y/F/N for long enough to need no introduction. Please stand up my ladies there is no need for that between us.”

 You stood up and saw for the first time the king with your own eyes. You had heard stories about how handsome of a man he was and he truly was but more than that he had this glimmer in his eyes, something close to melancholia although well hidden behind a dazzling smile. You could lose yourself in his eyes. It was the voice of your mother that made you realised you were staring at the king for far too long. The queen had walk to your mother and the both of them exchanged some words before they turned to you. You bowed before the queen who wasn’t older than you.

 “I heard so much about you,” said Susan taking your hands in hers. Her smile was infectious and bright, contrary to her husband she was glowing with joy. “I’m sure will become good friends you and I.”

 “I hope so Your Majesty,” you really hoped to be in the queen’s good grace.

 “Last time I saw you, you were unable to keep yourself still.”

 “You remember Your Majesty?” asked your father. You had been told that the King and you had met when you were younger but you had no memories of such event. “Well, I must say Y/N has changed since.”

 “I can only agree with you.”

 You smiled at your father; you knew what he meant by this statement. You had become less impatient, more careful of your words and most importantly you were smart, street smart. You had helped him many times and he liked to think he was the reason why you were doing so good around people. But you were lacking the subtility to leave at court for a long time, which was a good thing when you were traveling around the globe with your father, staying at court for short periods but now you were to live at Cair Paravel for as long as the king would want you around, and unbeknown to you the king was thinking about the length of your stay.

 A door opened at your right and a small child ran pass you to be catch by the king. The prince you were supposed to take care of and who look exactly like his father if it wasn’t for his light baby blue eyes that was surely from his mother’s side. The young prince laughed in his father’s arms; he tried to push away from his face from the beard his father bore and that was probably irritating his soft and sensitive skin. The prince was five years old – for what you’ve been told – but he was taller the average five years-old, something he must have got from his father. The woman with him was his great-aunt, the Lady Prunaprismia, wife of King Caspian’s former advisor and his aunt by marriage. Although he holds no grudge against the woman for her husband’s betrayal, she had been asked to leave court forever. The King was a kind man but he wasn’t a very forgiving one. Not when it concerned his father and by extension his mother.

 “Rilian, this is Lady Y/N, she’s going to take care of you once aunt Prunaprismia will be gone,” informed Caspian. He put the child back on his feet and Rilian bowed before you. You imitated the prince, a huge smile on your face, won over by the child sweetness. The King kneeled next to his son and looked at him in the eyes. “I want you to behave with Lady Y/N like you’ll do with your aunt. Be nice, can you do that for me?”

 The prince energetically nodded widening your smile even more. King Caspian planted a kiss on his forehead. You saw him saying something to his son but couldn’t quite hear what it was. The queen had reached a hand for the prince to take but he preferred to stay with his current governess. The hurt in Queen Susan’s eyes was left unnoticed by you. it was common knowledge that, after five years of marriage, the queen hadn’t been pregnant once. Some rumours said she was barren, others that she had been made queen for very political reasons – which was the case for most queens though – and others that the king was never sharing her bed, still mourning his first wife, the one that gave him his heir, the one he had been in love with. And, after all, with an heir alive did he truly needs another child if he doesn’t love his current queen?

 Rilian and Prunaprismia left the group alone after the lady gave you a meeting point for the next day. Right after your mother and you were taken to your quarters while your father staid with the King to discuss important matter. It took you fifteen to arrive there. There were four separate rooms: two bedrooms, one for your parents and one for you, both at the opposite from one another and with separate entrance. A common room with a fire place, chairs, shelves filled with books and it was the room you entered first. Next to it there was a dining room big enough to fit ten people around the table and was only furnished with a sideboard to contain plates, forks, knives and the usual.

 Your room had a view of the garden and the sea, although you had been assured it would be temporary – you were supposed to get the one next to the prince’s – it was provided with all the luxuries you could think of. The decoration was elegant and refined, suiting a woman of your age and status. You had everything you could need, even your ladies-in-waiting you were sure had stayed at Narrowhaven. Those ladies were from smaller houses, ranks below your high-birth but they were your closest friends. Your only friends for that matter. Marwen, Cora and Lyria had been in your life since you were four, they had been your friends before being at your family’s service. They had travelled the world with you and your father, not once had they complained. They were the most loyal people you knew. After your father that is. Just seeing them made you happy and ready to face whatever the future had in store for you.

 Later that day Lady Prunaprismia’s servant had come to your door to take you to her quarters – which was supposed to become yours in a month. Lady Prunaprismia was in the middle of the room, waiting for you, the king by her side. On the table behind them was a book, both of them assumed you knew how to read and write, you were part of one of the great houses of Narnia, it would have been improper for you and your family to be illiterate. The king was the first to sit down, quickly followed by his aunt; again there were side by side while you were asked to sit across the table. You never liked being outnumbered and it was even more intimidating with the King right in front of you.

 “You have the right to breath you know,” King Caspian had leaned on the table to comfort you. you let out a stressed laughed but it made you realised you had been holding your breath. You took a deep breath and felt better. “That’s more like it.”

 “Lady Y/N, this book is the most important book in this castle. It holds all of the prince’s needs, medical events and so on. Until the day you’ll be left alone with him I am going to ask you to study this book to the point where you’ll know it by heart, words for words.”

 You opened the book carefully and the first sentence you read spoke about the prince’s books preferences, one of them you knew well as your father used to read it to you when you were younger. That memory brought a smile on your face. The book was quite big, there was a lot of information about Rilian and one month seemed like a too short amount of time to memories it all.

 “My aunt is a bit extreme; some information is dated and don’t suit Rilian anymore,” you continued to flip through the book as the king continued to speak. “Besides you are to be is governess, not his nurse, you are tasked to educate my son, to teach him basic knowledge until he’ll be old enough for a tutor.”

 “I’m allowed to enter the prince’s chamber at any given time?” you were sure you just had thought that but your mouth had decided to actually put sound on it. “Without permission or schedule!” Wow, that’s what you call trust!

 “You won’t be the only one taking care of Rilian. As I told you he has nurses who are supposed to bath, to feed and to generally take care of his physical health. Make sure he’s in good shape, if you prefer. You are in charge of making sure they do their job.”

 The close the book. You had never realised it was that much trouble taking care of a child. well, you guessed it wasn’t all day long a joyful stroll through the garden but God! Did the child really needed someone dedicated to wipe his butt? You remembered your childhood quite well and, in your memory, your parent partook a huge part of raising you into the woman you were today. But you kept that for yourself, not all parents have the same parenting technics, maybe it was how the king had been raised and he was a fine man. Besides, who were you to tell him how to raise a child? You had no child!

 “I know it’s a lot to take in one day. Don’t worry, you have time,” Prunaprismia took your hands, a kind smile provoking another on your face. “And from what I heard from your mother; you are more than capable.”

 “But if it’s really too much for you, I…we will understand, the Queen and I know taking care of a child, especially one who isn’t yours, can be demanding and challenging. If you think you won’t be up to the task, say it now or never, I’d rather know now and don’t worry it doesn’t mean you are not allowed in court anymore. That would be too cruel.”

 “You can count on me, Your Majesty. I won’t let you down.”

 You rose from your chair, taking the book in your arms and confidently walk away. That was the plan and, in your head, it was the perfect plan to show both of them how serious you were. Of course the cat didn’t agree with your plan and you tripped over him, falling on the ground. You heard Prunaprismia and King Caspian gasped before joining you, asking how you were doing. You felt humiliated. You just had fall on your ass in front of the king! God must have serious grudges over you! As you got back on your feet you swear you could see your pride and dignity staying on the floor by the devilish Shame. Hello you, you’re back again? You thought, sure to have left shame on the continent, somewhere in England or France.

 You assured the King and Lady Prunaprismia that you were fine and – carefully – get out of the chamber. You had a month to learn everything about the prince and to create a bound with him strong enough to hold against the child losing one of the few people he had entire trust and love to. One single month for something that took five years for the Lady Prunaprismia to achieve. That was so you, accepting a challenge when you perfectly knew it would difficult and completely impossible. But ever since you had dared yourself to do things no one would have thought a girl of your birth would do, it had always opened a door to something interesting and bigger than you thought. If you think about it, what would have happened if you had stayed with your mother at Narrowhaven all your damn life? For sure you would have never met the Royal Couple and have a full conversation with the king.

Taglist:

@aleksanderwh0r3​ @learisa​ @hxrgreeves​ @blackst0nes7077​

[originalhybridloverfics]

You Are To This Day The Only Woman I Have Ever Loved - CH 2

A/N: I'm a little nervous about this chapter, still, I hope it's enjoyable.

I apologize for any mistakes or medical inaccuracies.

Serkan could not explain the sense of urgency, of panic creeping over him. His heart felt like it was going to beat right out his chest, his throat kept closing and he had this explicable fear flowing through his system and he could think of nothing but Eda.

She had to be okay. He had gotten to know her and God, she was amazing. She was fun, beautiful, talented, smart, funny, caring, forgiving, the list went on. She was so many things and he found he cared for her deeply. He couldn’t imagine something happening to her. Hadn’t she suffered enough?

He parked his car and jogged across the hospital parking lot and ran through the doors, and up to the counter, he was about to demand where Eda was when he heard Melek’s voice.

He whirled around, Melo had tears streaming down her eyes, her body shaking as she stood in front of Eda’s aunt who was in tears her arms wrapped around herself.

He noticed the blood on Melo's hand. His stomach turned violently with the knowledge it was Eda's blood.

“I don’t know how long she was there!” Melo cried. “If I have gotten there sooner, if I had just met her there-”

“You couldn’t have changed what happened,” Ceren was with them and her words were spoken softly. “Sometimes bad things just happen.”

Serkan moved away from the counter and walked closer to Eda’s family his heart in his throat.

“But why do they keep happening to Dada?!” Melo cried distressed. “This shouldn’t be happening. Dada doesn’t deserve this! And even if she makes it she could still lose the baby!”

“Baby?” Serkan’s voice shook, his heart thudding in his chest. “What baby!?”

Melo whirled around, her eyes widening at the sight of him. “Eniste?”

Despite Eda and Serkan not being together, she continued to call him that. Serkan would never admit it out loud but he liked it. She was just so happy and sweet and he liked her as a person.

“What baby? Where’s Eda?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“She’s with the doctors,” Ayfer answered. “They're doing everything they can for her and the baby.”

“She’s pregnant with my child?” Serkan asked but didn’t need the confirmation. Everything inside of him was screaming that he and Eda created that child together before he lost his memory.

“Oh, God,” Serkan groaned, he clutched at his heart as it pounded almost painfully against his ribs, he stumbled back, his feet feeling unsteady beneath him.

Melo acted quickly grabbing his arm to steady him and led him over to a chair, easing him into it.

"Abi," Engin appeared suddenly with Piril. Serkan hadn't even seen them.

Serkan stared off unseeingly not noticing Leyla and Erdem in the corner, somber. He couldn't see anyone.

“Serkan?” Ceren asked as she moved closer with Ayfer.

Serkan didn’t react, didn’t move, didn’t flinch.

Melo placed her hand on his shoulder gently, squeezing and his eyes snapped up to hers. They were wide with shock and fear. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“No,” Serkan’s voice shook. “No, I am not okay? How could she had not have said anything?”

“I don’t think she knew?” Melo confessed. “She’s been so stressed and so focused on taking care of the company and trying to get you to remember, dealing with Selin, she forgot to care for herself.”

Serkan ran a shaky hand through his hair. “None of this is right. This shouldn’t be happening. None of it.”

Serkan knew he cared for Eda but this feeling in his chest was saying it was more than that and now all he could see was her. S child in her arms with her dimples and her smile and her eyes. God, he wanted their child to be just like her.

Everything was slipping away from him right when he wanted to know everything about his lost year. Pieces of his old life were in his reach and he wanted nothing more than to put it all back together again.

Everything was so wrong. He could feel it in every bone in his body. He wishes it was him who was in danger right now, whose life was hanging in the balance. He rather Eda be unharmed and perfectly fine, healthy, nurturing their child.

Why couldn’t it have been him? Hadn’t she been through enough? Hadn’t he caused her enough pain?

How much more could one person endure?

It was two hours later when a doctor emerged from behind two double doors, walking toward Melo. “Mrs. Yildiz family.”

“Yes,” Ayfer said. “We are her family. Is she going to be okay?”

“I am Dr. Kaya. We are doing everything we can. We were able to stop the bleeding, we had to take her for emergency surgery for her open fracture. It was important to clean and stabilize the bone. The kind of fraction Mrs. Yildiz has can get infected easily but because of her pregnancy, we had to give her a not as effective antibiotic that won’t cause harm to the baby.”

“Baby?” Aydan gasped, grabbing a hold of her son’s arm. She and Seyfi along with Selin had shown up twenty minutes after he did.

Serkan felt Selin tensed beside him. “She’s pregnant?”

Serkan ignored everyone and focused on Dr. Kaya. “Does that mean she didn’t lose the baby?”

“I don’t know how it’s possible but no, she didn’t lose the baby. The bleeding that occurred was because the baby was in distress but both Eda and the baby are stable for now. I’m concerned about her head injury, she has some swelling on the brain, if it does not go down I’m afraid she will need to be taken into surgery again.”

“Can I see her?” Serkan asked.

“Serkan, I think it’s best we let Eda be with her family,” Selin interjected, placing a hand on his arm.

Serkan jerked his arm from beneath her fingers, shooting her a glare. “I need to see her.”

“Is she awake?” Ayfer interjected.

“No, and we’re not sure when she will wake. It’s all up to her.” Dr. Kaya relayed.

“Can I see her or not?” Serkan asked impatiently, choosing not to acknowledge his words. Eda would wake up. She had to. There was no other outcome that Serkan would accept.

Dr. Kaya looked at Ayfer. “Mrs. Yildiz?”

“It’s okay. He can see her first.” Ayfer nodded.

Dr. Kaya motioned Serkan to follow him.

Selin’s hand snapped out the second he moved away from her, her fingers digging into his wrist. “Serkan, you should let Ms.Yildiz see her first. She’s her family. We should go home.”

Serkan ripped his arm away. “If you want to go then go but you will be leaving without me.”

Selin watched as he walked away from her and toward Eda with no regard for how she felt. He didn’t even stop once to look back at her.

Hate simmered in her heart. She should feel remorse for hurting Eda and her unborn child but all she felt was failure. Failure to keep Serkan at her side and failure at getting Eda out of her life and away from Serkan.

Selin turned on her heel. She needed to find a way to end Eda once and for all, sever every connection the other woman had to Serkan once and for all.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Serkan wasn’t sure what he expected when he walked into the hospital but it wasn’t this.

It wasn’t Eda, laying in bed hooked up to monitors, her head wrapped in a bandage, her arm in a cast, her skin pale, the room around her void of her light, of the beautiful colorful essence that she excluded from her being effortlessly, offering hope to a troubled world.

He stepped forward slowly. His heart thudding in his chest. “Eda, I’m sorry but please, wake up.” his eyes drifted to her stomach and his hand moved before he registered it, landing softly on her stomach. It was mostly flat with a small curve, barely noticeable unless you knew what you were looking for. “We have so much to talk about. I don’t know if you knew or not but I think I can understand if you did and why you wouldn’t say anything.”

His other hand moved to her cheek. “I haven’t been the man you fell in love with. Or the one you lost but still you tried to bring him back, bring me back, and I pushed you away with cruelty and harsh words. I’m sorry.”

He paused, gathering his thought, his chest tight with a feeling he was beginning to understand. “I should have tried harder to remember. Hell, I should have tried period with you, I hated that everything was different from what I remembered so I ran from it and from you and the way you make me feel. It was a mistake. I know that so let me fix it. Just wake up when you’re ready and we will work this out. All of it. The company, the shares, the baby, you and me, all of it.”

Eda didn’t move, didn’t react, the readings on the monitors didn’t change and Serkan felt his world grow a little darker, he stepped back reluctantly and walked out of the room even though it was the last thing he wanted. Every step away from her felt wrong but her aunt was waiting. Her friends were waiting and in truth, he didn’t feel like he deserved to be at her side.

He needed to earn that right and since he been back he had done nothing to do that.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

The hour grew late, Serkan had refused to leave the hospital throwing around his wealth and reputation to ensure he or Eda’s family didn’t have to leave when visiting hours were over.

His mother had gone home with Seyfi after making him promise to call when Eda wakes up. Layla and Erdem left, Layla assuring him she would take care of his schedule. Engin took Piril home to rest. Ceren and Melo fell asleep in the chairs in the waiting room. Ayfer was inside with Eda.

Serkan paced outside the door, feeling restless. Selin went to get coffee. She kept insisting they should go but he refused. Selin went as far as to bring up that he had to be at the office but he reminded her that Layla was taking care of it.

Like hell he was going to work when Eda was hurt, fighting for her life. No, this is where he needed to be. Everything inside of him was telling him he shouldn’t be anywhere else but at her side.

He selfishly wanted to be the first person she saw when she woke up and despite all that had happened, that he said, he wanted to be the one she asked for.

At one point, he finally just slid down to the floor, facing Eda’s door, praying that she would be fine.

Serkan wasn’t sure at what point he fell asleep but he was awoken by commotion.

His eyes snapped up to the sight of Ayfer being ushered out of Eda’s room and doctors and nurses rushing inside. Serkan jumped to his feet pushing his way inside and coming to a dead stop.

Eda was flatlining, he stumbled forward but was pulled back.

“Get off me!” he snapped. Trying to shrug the strong arm off of him. “Eda!”

The arms tightened and pulled him forcefully from the room and all he could hear was the long beep, never-ending, all he could see was the doctors working over Eda, her dark hair fanning out across the pillow.

It happened suddenly and without warning.

One moment he was standing in the doorway of Eda’s hospital room and the next it was like he was being transported to a time he didn’t remember, to a memory his brian had locked away from him.

He was talking at a college seminar and a beautiful dark-haired woman walked down the steps and into the light. He was intrigued instantly.

He was pulled into another memory, Eda marking his car, arguing with her, Eda handcuffing him.

His head felt like it was going to explode, there was this pressure behind his eyes and he closed them tightly, putting a hand to his head as memory after memory hit him.

Eda surprising him with her skills behind the wheel, the first time she called him a robot. Helping her through her panic attack on his plane, waking her up on the beach, and the way she smiled at him so sweetly. His idea for her to pretend to be his fake fiance. The first time she slapped him. The first time she kissed him.

God, he never told her but that kiss was unlike any kiss he ever had before. He was so angry at her for it because it shocked him. His world had turned on its axis.

Eda agreeing to his contract and wrongfully assuming it was because he wanted Selin back.

It was never about Selin.

The first time he picked her up, the first time he took her to his place and her clear love for animals, the first time she met Sirius.

He remembered the first time he slipped her flower engagement finger on her hand for the first time and how right it felt. How perfect it fit.

Their fake engagement, seeing her in that yellow dress for the first time. She had looked so perfect and he felt so drawn to her, the softness of her skin when he fixed the strap of her dress. Her pure delight at his magic trick. Their first dance. There was no need to dance as close as they did but he wanted to. He wanted to be as close to her as possible.

The first time they stargazed together and he pointed out Sirius's star. He remembered the way being around her made him feel that night. He felt peace and a sense of calmness he wasn’t used to.

He remembered being angry with her for getting close to him, he didn’t want to feel this way but he hated when she pulled away from him. He remembered coming to her house with Sirius for the first time.

He remembers them talking about Selin being jealous of her and God, everyone had to be jealous of Eda. She was an angel by some miracle that had fallen into his life.

He remembers riding with her in his car, the top-down, music playing from the radio, her dancing to the music singing along, her hair blowing in the wind, her smile wide and carefree. The happiness he felt in that moment just being with her.

The first time she suddenly lost consciousness and the fear he felt. It was such a strange trait about her and constantly worried him.

The first time he saw her in her swimwear, the irrational jealousy he felt, hearing that he wasn’t her type from Seyfi and then trying hard to subtly show her that he was.

The first time he prepared dinner with her.

It was something so simple and domestic but he thoroughly enjoyed himself. There was just something so easy being in Eda’s presence.

God, he remembered that white dress she wore to the dinner they had with Selin and Ferit, when he saw her in it for the first time, god, it was like all thoughts left him and there was just her. The most beautiful vision he ever saw in his life.

The fear that took over when he saw her slip into the pool when he was still under the impression he couldn’t swim, nothing else mattered only to learn that she was pretending not to be able to swim.

God, she really knew how to drive him crazy.

Their time in Antalya was some of his best memories and held a special place in his heart. He felt that trip had really brought them closer in a way he hadn’t been aware he was capable of.

He remembered opening up to her about his brother.

It was the first time he really felt like he could open up to someone about his brother’s death and how that grief was still with him even to this day.

Waking up to her snuggled against on the couch, the peace and happiness he felt, the way his heart reacted around her, trying to beat right out of his damn chest at her proximity.

The first time he played his guitar for her, the hug they shared outside, he felt like his chest was expanding with the warmth he felt. Her pure joy and elation when he gave her his guitar pick at the end of the night.

He knew he had feelings for her but after that night he knew it was more than that, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

He remembered how bad it felt when she was pulling away from him on his birthday. He remembered sitting down with Selin and hating every moment, he remembered sitting down with Eda at one of her small cafes and the surprise on her face. He remembered her gift. She gave him the world.

Little did she know she was his world.

He remembered accusing her of stealing.

It was stupid but he was trying to rationalize why she was avoiding him. He had never been more wrong.

The way he missed her in their time apart even when he was wrongfully angry with her for a betrayal she did not commit.

When they sat in the park together, discussing Selin and her jealousy of Eda.

He didn’t say it but there was not a single thing about Eda, Selin shouldn't be jealous of. Eda was unlike any woman he had ever known. And when she said he didn’t want her touching his soul, it was true but it was too late. She already did.

The regret he felt even before she brought proof that Kaan was behind it. The pain he felt watching her slip off her ring and place it in his hand.

The need he felt to fix things with her, needing her back.

All of this became so real to him. For him, it was no longer about their contract and more about wanting her in his life.

Finding her in the garden talking to flowers brought happiness to him that he wanted to hold onto.

He remembered handcuffing her and taking her up to one of his family's vacation homes, letting her vent her anger by throwing things, her astonishment that he was able to get them out of the cuffs the whole time.

He remembered arguing with her in the rain and the sight she made, clothes drenched, damp hair clinging to her, raindrops running down her skin, the fire in her eyes, when he pulled her to him. He wanted to take hold of her mouth with his own.

He wanted to taste her, wanted to feel her wet skin against his, wanted to bury his hand in the wet strands of her hair. He just wanted her. Everything she had to give, he wanted.

Waking up to her next to him in bed was more than he could say. She was always so cute when she first woke up.

Watching the video of her helping his mother broke through what walls he still had up. She was an angel in his life that he didn’t deserve.

It was surprising that all she wanted was a simple apology.

Nothing felt more right than slipping her ring back on her finger. He wanted it there always.

Then Selin had to come in and give him the panic of his life by speeding up the time for her wedding and cutting his time with Eda short.

He wanted her with him all the time.

Seeing Eda try on wedding dresses that were so her, she was so beautiful, so original. She was going to be the perfect bride one day.

He remembered first hearing about her parent's death, the cause for her claustrophobia, and wrapping his arms around her, allowing her to cry on his shoulder. He wanted nothing more than to help her with her phobia the way she was helping his mom.

Sometimes he didn’t understand her, she was so talented and beautiful and smart so why couldn’t she see that it was never about Selin. He never cared that Selin was getting married, it had always been about her shares. Why was she unable to see he only had eyes for her?

He remembered Selin asking him to choose and it was an impossible notion to him because it was never a choice. It was always going to be Eda. His heart knew no other answer.

He couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye to her and he needed her to stay but he didn’t know how to put it into words.

He remembered panicking about her leaving his life to the point it made him sick, that night she took care of him was one of the best nights of his life.

He was kidding himself thinking he could let her go. He had never felt freer than when he finally told her he was in love with her. A weight lifted off his chest when he kissed her and the looked in her eyes after had his heart soaring.

He remembered the first time they went to their cafe and the peace and the happiness he felt there with her.

He remembered, sneaking around because they hadn’t told anyone they were together and were avoiding his mother and her aunt and their disapproval.

He remembered talking to Selin about his feelings for Eda, Selin telling him she always dreamed he would be the way he was with Eda with her, he remembers her accepting that while she loved him he did not feel the same.

Or at least at the time, he believed she had accepted he was in love with Eda and moved on with her life.

He remembered cooking dinner with Eda, watching the stars, cuddling on the couch, he remembered giving her his gift. Her star and how much she loved it. The joy and happiness that filled his heart made him feel like anything was possible.

He remembered the way Eda looked on Selin’s wedding day. She completely outshines the bride, he hated that he couldn’t touch her, hug her, kiss her. It was a crime.

He remembered the jealousy he felt when Efe showed up.

He wanted to keep Eda all to himself but he also wanted to tell everyone about them. He didn’t want to have to hide how he felt about her when his feelings for her were the truest thing he has ever felt in his life.

He remembered how free it felt when everyone did know.

He remembered buying a house in Italy and making plans to opening up a branch there.

He wanted to follow her to Italy. He wanted her to follow her dreams and he wanted to support her, he wanted to share in her success and joy. He wanted her to have everything she wanted in life and he wanted that life to be with him.

He wanted to just leave with her. It didn’t matter where they went as long as they were together. He wanted to run away with her and leave everything but their love behind.

He remembered their first time together and how perfect it felt.

They were connected in every way imaginable and he couldn’t even think about ever being apart from her.

He remembered telling her about the house, he bought and his intention to go with her to Italy. She was so happy and it made him happy.

This was what love was feeling joy at someone else's happiness and giving without wanting anything in return.

He remembered his father blowing up his world when he revealed he had a part to play in Eda’s parent's death. The truth tore Serkan apart, shattering him into pieces.

He saw his life with Eda, all his plans for their future slipping through his fingers and there was nothing. Absolutely, nothing he could do to change it.

He couldn’t change the past. He couldn’t fix his father’s mistakes.

His father ruined every hope and dream he had for his future with Eda.

He remembered coming to the decision to end their relationship to protect her. It was the hardest thing he had to do and he hated the pain he caused her but at the time he was under the belief that he was doing right by her.

If she were to find out the truth he would only be a constant reminder of all that she lost. She would never heal or move on and be happy and that couldn’t happen. Her happiness was more important than his own.

It was hell being apart from her and watching her grow close with Efe.

He remembered the fear he felt when he found her unconscious in the ditch during the company retreat. When she woke up without remembering their break-up it was a short reprieve from the hell his father had forced on him until she remembered.

Going back to his vacation home was a new kind of hell, constantly hit with the reminder of their first time there together. The first time they made love, cuddling together in bed afterward, having breakfast together, the way she looks in his shirt. It was one of the happiest days of his life.

He remembered when Eda asked him to tell her his happiest day. There wasn’t enough time for that. Every day spent with her was his happiest day. When she asked him to tell her about his saddest day, he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t break her the way the truth broke him.

He remembered dancing with her on Piril’s birthday. The desire in her eyes as they danced close, the need he felt to be even closer.

He remembered when he thought she was pregnant. There was a fear and a sense of responsibility, and panic. Seeing Eda, holding little Serkan though was a sweet sight. She was such a natural. She was going to be an amazing mother but he wasn’t ready for it then.

They weren’t even together, currently and she was pregnant. How could he ask her to build a family with him when he destroyed hers? How would he tell his children that their grandfather from his side of the family is why their mother grew up without her parents, why they would never meet their other grandparents.

He remembered how much she believed him after the roof collapsed. She believed in him more than he believed in himself.

He remembered not understanding what her problem was with Selin, why she was so threatened by her. Selin meant nothing. He never loved her as to where she was concerned she meant everything to him.

He never loved anyone the way he loved her and he was sure he would never again.

He remembered her being the cause for his mother finally being able to go outside again. She gave him a miracle and she did it just to be her. To help. She was too good for him and his family didn’t deserve her.

He remembered the fear that she would start to move on from him. That she would fall in love with someone else.

He remembered finally coming to the decision to tell her the truth and let her make the decision about him.

He remembered getting drunk and only wanting Eda, watching her sleep the next morning and he remembered Selin ruining everything by telling Eda the truth about her parent's death.

Her pain and tears tore into his soul. He hated that she questioned if he ever really loved her. He will always love her with every nerve, every cell, and molecule, in his body.

He remembered the mistake he made in not telling her the truth. He broke her trust.

He remembered tearing into Selin for interfering in matters that did not concern her, for constantly involving herself in his personal life. He remembered telling her that he never loved her and was in love with Eda.

He remembered not even reading Eda's contract before signing, he could have been signing everything over to her and he wouldn’t have cared as long as she remained in his life, as long as she forgave him.

He remembered when she removed her ring and had him do the same. It had gone against everything inside of him. That ring had become a part of who he was.

The rules of her contract were ridiculous to him but he would follow them as much as he could to keep her with him.

He remembered seeing her model that dress for his mother's foundation and God, she almost stopped his heart she was so fucking gorgeous and perfect.

He remembered asking her to meet him and waiting for her, the ache in his chest when she never showed but he was unwilling to give up on her.

He remembered his jealousy about her spending time with the photographer and warning the man away from her. Eda was a taken woman and he had no intentions of giving her up.

He remembered finding out the switch of address in the invitation he had given her and that Eda had waited for him as he waited for her. He had his suspicions of who tampered with the invitation.

He remembered trying to help her with her phobia as they rode an elevator together, holding her close, breathing her in, feeling her heart against his, kissing her. Everything had fallen away and it was just the two of them.

He remembered finding out about Eda knowing about Ferfit, Selin, and Kaan’s involvement in their contract being released to the public. He couldn’t even bring himself to be mad at her for keeping it from him.

He remembered testing if she was jealous of him.

He remembered when they did pottery together, his arms around her, breathing in her neck, wanting to just stay like that forever if it meant she would always allow him this close.

He remembered about their competition about Bulga being into him.

Serkan wasn’t an idiot he knew the woman was attracted to him but he didn’t care. She had no chance. He only wanted one woman and that woman was Eda Yildiz. There was absolutely no reason for his fairy girl to be jealous.

He remembered intentionally seducing her when he spoke to her of feeling her tremble when she said his name, the desire in her eyes, the way she lost her breath, and how she said his name. Almost sounding like a plea. It was everything.

He remembered her aunt's birthday, ice skating, the way her body heated when he spoke french to her, laughing and practically dancing on the ice, snow falling around them.

He remembered trying to soothe her anger when her grandmother came to the company. He called her Eda Bolat.

It had such an amazing ring to it. Perfect. He wanted her to be a Bolat. He wanted her to be his wife.

He remembered the awful feeling of Eda keeping him at a distance and letting him go like he was so easily replaceable in her life. She meant everything to him. Didn’t she feel the same about him but if she did why was it so easy for her to let him go?

He remembered Eda staying over, walking in on her in the bath and needing to imprint the moment on his memory, Eda talking to that stupid statue Bulga gave him. He tried not to focus on her because he was uncertain if he would be able to keep his hands off her. He brought her breakfast in bed because she deserved that. She deserved to be treated like the Queen that she is.

He remembered having a special bracelet made for her after hearing the story of the bracelet she lost when she was a little girl, the smile on her face when she opened the present was more than he could’ve hoped for only made better when she embraced him.

After he was arrested and released her avoidance of him was so painful, made worse when she told him they could not be together and he wondered was this how she felt when he ended things between them? It was like his soul was poisoned and slowly dying.

He couldn’t take seeing her with Prince Seyman, right after. But he wasn’t the only one who was jealous so was she and it all came to a boiling point when they confessed to it.

There was nothing about that night he didn’t remember, each stating their claim on the other, practically ripping each other clothes off and finding themselves nearly fucking against the bookshelf before finding a bed and making love to each other's bodies, caressing and worshipping. Kisses that had toes curling and desire becoming their only concern, finding relief in each other.

He woke up alone and half thought he had dreamed their night of passionate sex but then there was the knocked-over lamp, tangled sheets, and her scent in the air. That scent that never failed to do things to him.

He remembered the astonishment when she surprised him on his plane and the joy when she proposed to him. He said yes, of course, it was the only answer he could give, it was all he ever wanted. He remembered discussing Paris right after and all the things he wanted to do with her but he seriously doubts that if they ever made it to Paris they would leave their hotel room.

He remembered playing the piano for her and proposing to her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, he wanted to give everything and more and he wanted to be able to tell his children how much their father loves their mother.

He remembered their real engagement party and how chaotic it was but he was happy to have their marriage accepted by their family. The fear and anger he felt when that prince bastard thought he could kidnap her, the feel of her in his arms after was the only thing that could calm him.

He remembered the awful misunderstanding about postponing the wedding, believing Eda was having second thoughts about building a life with him.

He remembered their time in Spanca, it was the best trip he had since their first trip together. Eda joining him in the tub was the best way to end his night, followed by amazing shower sex and making love to her in silk sheets, whispering sweet words and I love you’s.

He remembered walking into her dressing room the day of their wedding. She was standing in front of the mirror in a silk robe. He came there to tell her he had to go and sign some papers but he would be back. He made a promise that he would always fall in love with her.

He never should have left that day. He should have insisted on signing the documents electronically. He should have married her that day and taken her to Paris for their honeymoon.

He should have taken her away just the two of them for months on end. They should have made memories together and traveled the world, and practice building their family. God, there were so many things they should have done if only he had chosen differently.

If only he hadn’t put work first before what was supposed to be the start of their new life together.

He remembered when the plane went down, he was on his way back home to her. He was eager to marry her. He wanted to be able to wake up next to her and call her his wife. He remembered the fear and the panic as the plane lost control and was heading for the ocean.

The panic that the life he dreamt of was going to be ripped away from him.

The fear wasn’t for himself. It was for Eda. Never being able to see her again, feel her touch, the warmth of her skin, her sweet smell, the sound of her voice.

The pain she would feel if he were to die. He never wanted the memory of him to haunt her. He wanted her happy living her best life. He wanted her to take the world by storm and do what she did for him. Bless the world with all the color she could and ultimately her goodness and beauty and intelligence. He wanted nothing holding her back not even the loss of him.

And now remembering everything, their love, her and then remembering how terrible he was to her when he first came back. He was cruel and mean and harsh and he wanted to kick his own ass.

He caused Eda pain, he was the cause of her tears, he pushed her away and made her feel less than she was. He belittled their story and the importance she was to him.

What the hell was wrong with him? He lost his memory but he was not this person to her not even when they first met.

And now she was laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life and the life of their child, believing he didn’t love her.

She was wrong. He loved her. He kept his promise he loved her without his memories and now with them, he still loved her. He loved her in a way he didn’t know was possible.

If she didn’t make it, if their child didn’t make it, he wouldn’t be able to go on. He could never forgive himself. This was all his fault.

Serkan stumbled back crashing against the wall, his legs giving out on him, tears streamed down his face.

His heart hurt and he couldn’t breathe.

“Serkan!” He felt hands on his face but he couldn’t see anything beyond the image of Eda fighting for her life.

“Eda,” he whispered hoarsely. “Eda, I need Eda.”

“Serkan, I can’t make out what you are saying. Calm down. Everything is going to be okay.”

“No, I won’t.” Serkan dug his palm into his eyes and roughly wiped his tears away. “Nothing is going to be okay again if she’s not.”

Serkan looked up at Selin and his expression darkened. “Don’t touch me.”

Suddenly the commotion in Eda’s room died down and Dr. Kaya stepped out.

Serkan pushed to his feet moving away from Selin. Melo and Ayfer were already there. “Eda?” Serkan's voice was desperate. “Is she okay? Is the baby?”

“It’s too early to tell. We’re not sure exactly what happened. It’s possible she had a bad reaction to the medicine she was given. We need to run more test to be certain? We don’t know what damage was done to her or the baby.”

“Do it. Do whatever you have to,” Serkan said and the doctor nodded.

Selin seethed inside. She needed this to be done. Eda was ruining everything and now she was fucking pregnant with Serkan’s child. That should be her. Eda had continuously taken everything from her from the day Serkan introduced her as the love of his life.

She stoled Serkan from her. He was her’s. He had been for years. She broke up with him because he wouldn’t share his life with her. She agreed to marry Ferit to show Serkan what he lost but no, he had to go and find Eda and the best version of himself.

He was everything she wanted when he was with Eda, kind, caring, thoughtful, affectionate, loving but with her, he was a passionless man who only looked at her through calculating eyes. Not eyes of love and admiration.

She took Aydan from her, a woman who once believed she was the perfect woman to marry her son and become her daughter-in-law.

Even Piril had become good friends with Eda and publically supported her relationship with Serkan.

And now Eda was carrying Serkan’s child.

She should be the mother of his child. She deserved to have everything she ever wanted. The effort she put into her job, her relationship with Serkan, the need to be perfect. Yes, she deserved to be the one to have Serkan’s affections and his child. She deserved the picture-perfect life they could have together if given the chance.

If only Eda would stop fighting and die already. Just how many times did she have to try and kill her before it took? Perhaps the third time would be the charm.

She would not lose Serkan to her again. She refused to watch them being together.

She would not watch Serkan have a family, building the life she always wanted with Eda when she has been here all along.

“If you would like a moment with her before we take her to run test, you only have a few minutes.”

“Thank you,” Serkan pushed into the room, letting it shut behind him.

He hated the sight of Eda pale and looking weak. She appeared to be just sleeping but he knew better, her arm was in a cast from surgery. There was a bandage on her head, the monitors she was hooked up to were steadily beeping.

He moved forward, carefully sitting beside her on the edge of her bed. He clasped her hand in both of his. Her skin was slightly cold from the chill in the hospital and he rubbed it to try and bring her warmth.

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered. “I hate seeing you like this, you should be laughing and smiling and gracing everyone lucky to be near you with your goodness not laying in the hospital for reasons out of your control. I know things haven’t been easy for you and you have been unhappy but I promise that’s over now. You fought for me and now it’s time for you to fight for yourself and for our baby. Can you do that for me, Eda? If you can I promise you everything is going to be okay.”

Her fingers curled around his, tightening, his eyes snapped to her face. “Eda,”

“Serkan,” her eyes fluttered open and she smiled softly at him. “You’re here.”

Her eyes were slightly glassy and he was sure she was a little loopy from the medication. She was cute when she first woke up, always a little disoriented.

He lifted his hand and cupped her cheek and Eda leaned into his touch, her smile soft and tender. She shut her eyes, savoring the soft touch of his hand against her skin.

“I’m here, baby, and I’m not going anywhere.” Serkan lifted her hand and held it to his own cheek.

“Promise?” She asked, having trouble keeping her eyes open.

“I promise.” He said softly.

“Promise you won’t break any more promises,” Eda whispered.

Her words were soft but they felt sharp like a knife cutting into his heart. He turned his head and kissed her palm. “I will never break another promise to you. I rather die than break any more promises.”

Eda smiled her eyes drifting shut again.

A few minutes later a nurse came and took her for tests. ‘

Serkan waited outside the room for Eda to be brought back. Selin returned but he couldn’t be bothered to deal with her yet. She wasn’t what mattered.

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

Soulmate September - Day 11

Day 11 - Pick your favorite Soulmate AU and write about it, it can be from this list or something completely different.  

(Balloon AU: you have a spirit-like balloon with the name of your soulmate written on it that only you can see. It will often drift towards your soulmate’s when they’re close by.)

Pairing(s): Romantic Logicality, Romantic Remile

TWs: Character Death (it’s loosely based on Disney’s UP, so y’all know whats going on), implied homophobia for a small section, unspecified heart condition mention

Author’s note: please forgive any inaccuracies in time periods and such, I did my best ;w; 

Also don’t let the tags throw you off, this story’s bittersweet but it’s really lovely, thank you if you do indeed keep reading, ily <3

–

They met when they were just children back in March of 1950. 

Logan Crofter had just come from the theatre after having seen the newest Walt Disney movie, Cinderella, when he overheard a commotion coming from the children’s park on his way home. He was always a cautious young lad but as he caught sight of his balloon begin to sway that way, Logan wasted no time in hurrying towards the sound of children arguing.

“Boys don’t wear dresses, stupid!!!”

“But it’s really pretty!!”

Logan arrived in time to see an older boy shove another boy about his age into a puddle, soaking the light blue dress he was wearing over a light t-shirt and dungarees. Upon realising the dress was likely ruined, the boy began crying. Logan wasted no time in getting between the two of them,

“Leave him alone, or I’ll inform the proper authorities!”

“.... You’ll what?”, the taller boy asked dumbfoundedly.

“It means I’ll tell your mom!!”

He was bluffing of course, Logan had no idea who the boy was, but the threat was enough to send him running. With a sigh of relief, he turned his attention to the boy in the puddle. Instead of crying anymore, he was gazing up at Logan in excited adoration,

“Wow!! You saved me!! Just like Prince Charming saved Cinderella!!!”

The boy wiped his face of tears and stood up to grasp Logan’s hands, “Thank you, thank you, thank youuuu!!”

Embarrassed by the overly sweet gesture, Logan cleared his throat, “You’re far too kind, I simply cannot tolerate bullying, I’m certainly no Prince Charming.”, he tried to assure the boy, “Truly, it was no trouble. Are you going to be alright, um-?”

“Patton!”, the boy, Patton, beamed.

A gasp left Logan, the name wasn’t that common, so perhaps….  “Patton Hart?”

The boy nodded, surprised, “That’s me-”, then realised, “A-Are you Logan Crofter!?”

Logan’s smile must’ve said it all as Patton threw his arms around him, “I can’t believe it! My soulmate saved me! I really am like Cinderella!”

“You are pretty like Cinderella as well.”, Logan offered shyly, shuffling his feet awkwardly. Patton giggled and took his hands. 

“Come on! I wanna introduce you to mama!! She’ll like you lots!!”

Patton was right, Logan adored Mrs Hart from the moment they were introduced. He loved the whole family with every member he was introduced to; it wasn’t hard to see where Patton got his shining personality from, happiness and warmth radiated from every one of them. Logan remembered the way Patton had introduced him to his parents and that summer he’d done the same for all his grandparents, his ‘tios and tias’ as he referred to them, and his many cousins who welcomed Logan with open arms.

He was grateful for such a loving family especially when his own disowned him. Logan had known from the day he finally brought Patton home to meet his parents - six years after they’d first met - that they would never accept his soulmate. Despite the majority of the world’s population accepting that the soulmate bond was a fixed infallible system, the Crofters had their minds made up that their son’s soulmate would be someone worthy of their expectations. Someone stoic and serious, not bubbly and energetic. Someone who was all work and no play, not someone who wanted to have fun and just enjoy life. Someone who was female, not another male. Logan hadn’t anticipated that extra twist of the knife but all the same, he wouldn’t trade Patton for anyone else.

It was hard being fourteen and having to turn his back on the family home he’d grown up in, but as Patton’s family helped him move his things into the room they’d painstakingly cleared out for him, Logan figured that feeling would soon pass.

--

Throughout high school, the two grew even more inseparable; Logan helped tutor Patton in math and science while Patton helped Logan with art and music. Logan joined Patton’s cooking club to support his cause while Patton would always attend Logan’s debates, captivated by his drive and dedication.

Another routine they’d started over the years was attending the latest screenings of each new Disney movie. In truth, Logan had lost his taste for “childish exploits” around the age of ten, but he would never admit out loud that seeing the way Patton would smile during their theatre dates made his heart race faster than any other sight on the entire planet. That was why for their 27th anniversary, Logan proposed to Patton during the double bill screening of The Many Adventures of Winnie The Pooh. He burned the moment Patton threw his arms around him in sheer glee into his brain forever. He would carry the joy of hearing his soulmate - no, his husband-to-be - cry out that wonderful “yes!” with him for eternity.

Sending out the invitations had been a nerve wracking affair for Logan, but Patton had assured him that everything would be okay in the end as he sent out his half of the invitations. He knew his parents wouldn’t show so he didn’t bother to invite them, but he wasn’t sure if his grandparents or distant aunts and uncles would. Aside from them, he’d never met much of his own family, most of them residing outside of the states. 

In the end, only his paternal grandparents and mother’s brother agreed to attend. Logan didn’t mind, he was just glad to have someone. Thankfully, his side of the church wouldn’t be too empty for the friends he made in his highschool years were more than happy to fill the pews.

Logan Crofter-Hart married his husband Patton Hart in the spring of 1981 after four years of planning and saving for their first home together. Logan’s endless studying and training to become a lecturer combined with Patton’s enthusiasm and drive to make money working at Foster’s Family Diner had all led up to this moment. As Logan placed the ring on Patton’s finger and promised to love and honour him - in sickness and in health, til death did they part - he couldn’t help but think himself the luckiest man alive. After the ceremony, his uncle and paternal grandparents had congratulated him, with the former asking what their next step would be.

Logan wasn’t sure about the far future, but at the time while he watched the love of his life dance and gesture for Logan to join him, all he could think to answer was “Simple, our Traditional Disney Movie Date.”, as he got up to indulge Patton’s request.

Said movie was The Fox And The Hound, and Patton, bless him, had cried for most of it. Logan draped his arm around his husband’s shoulders and softly wiped his tears with his other hand. While the scene where Todd’s owner sadly releases him into the wild played, Patton snuggled closer to Logan for comfort. Logan would deny that he teared up at that part too, though the memory of Patton humming the tune of Goodbye May Seem Forever would always stick with him even on his saddest days...

--

“Logan?”, Patton softly piped up as they lay in bed watching TV together one night.

Logan turned to face his husband, “Yes, starlight?”

“What do you think about...”, he hesitated, but continued at Logan’s nod of encouragement, “...us adopting?” 

The idea had indeed occurred to Logan. They’d been married only a year but he knew his husband would make a wonderful father. 

“.... Do you think I’d be ready, Patton?”, Logan offered unsurely. Patton softly removed his head from Logan’s shoulder and sat in his lap to properly apply one soothing hug directly to his darling husband.

“Only you’ll know for sure, but I think you’ll be an amazing father, Logie Bear.”

A soft kiss from his husband destroyed any doubt Logan had harboured. “Just imagine it, getting to watch our son or daughter grow up and get married someday! Ooh, or maybe they’ll become an astronaut! The second person to go into space!”

Logan chuckled, knowing Patton was playing on his fondness for space travel, “Perhaps, however, they would in fact be the fifth person to go into space-”

With a fond sigh, Patton brought Logan into a gentle kiss, one that Logan had no intentions of breaking to keep infodumping. He wrapped his arms around his husband’s waist, pulling him closer as if no amount of closeness would ever be enough. Another memory that would burn itself into his brain forever. Patton pulled back to his Logan with those puppy dog eyes that resulted in him getting what he wanted at least 80% of the time.

“So, does this mean you want to give adopting a try, Logie Bear?”

Feigning annoyance with a smiling eye roll and a forced huff of air, Logan replied, “Yeah. I guess-”

He spent the rest of the night returning Patton’s delighted kisses and listening to him ramble adorably about all the wonderful memories they’d make as a family.

--

The rejection hit the Hart couple hard; Patton even more so than Logan. 

Yes, he was just as crushed by the news, but Patton was distraught. 

They’d done all they could to be sure the adoption would be a success. Logan had been hired as part of the local university’s astrophysics division which did bring in enough money to allow the couple to renovate Logan’s old office room into a bedroom for their potential child. The day had been filled with laughter and, with some coercion from Patton, dancing along to the radio in between paint drying times. They’d been sure to go through all the steps, make sure their house was child friendly, even going as far as to secure references from friends and family in case they were needed.

Alas, some bad luck out of nowhere had been the first blow to the couple. After hanging on for a good decade or so, Foster’s Family Diner was bought over by a larger franchise and thus, Patton had been laid off with little warning to cut down the number of employees. The only comfort he found at the time was from his fellow staff who were devastated to see him go. The full weight of the situation really hit home when they realised it’d put enough of a dent in their income to make things a little less comfy for a while.

The second blow was the twins. Two young boys Patton had grown attached to during an Adoption Activity Day he and Logan had attended. Logan knew while he watched both boys painting his husband’s face with vastly different degrees of success, that they’d be the children Patton wanted to adopt. The boys seemed to love them too, going by their reluctance to let either of them leave at the end of the event. But the blow to their finances and the lack of a large enough room for twins had been a cause for concern with the agency, and try as the Harts might, they just weren’t able to get the room up to code in time.

Both boys were adopted that same week, and Patton further spiralled even further. Logan tried his best to try and cheer him up, but nothing seemed to work. As a last ditch attempt, Logan even requested to be able to be put in contact with the twins’ adoptive parents to ask for a visit but he was told, as anticipated, that the agency couldn’t allow it.

Logan refused to give up though. Using his university’s connections, he was able to find Patton a prospective new job; one of the researchers in the history department had a brother who worked for the local zoo. She assured Logan that with her brother’s approval, Patton would more than likely be offered the job opening they had going.

It wasn’t much, not really, but when he brought Patton to the zoo to surprise him with the offer of running the park’s souvenir shop, his husband’s glowing smile stole Logan’s breath away. For the first time in months, he heard Patton laugh with delight as he accepted the job.

--

With both of them working again, Logan put all of his effort into a new goal; helping Patton feel ready to adopt once more. It would be a slow venture; they cut out anything that wasn’t necessary and swapped the pricier items for store brands. The 80s rolled into the 90s and it felt like for a while the world would doom them to a life of endless saving, even having to eventually forgo their sacred cinema dates in favour of waiting for video and later DVD releases. 

But they were happy. 

Happy to have each other, and happily thinking of the day when they could try adopting again.

As the years went on, however, Logan began to worry. With he and his husband approaching their fifties, Patton’s hopes of adopting a young child to raise dwindled, knowing that they often gave other couples older children to look after. He knew Patton wanted to see them attend their first day of school, to teach them to ride a bike, to spend as much time as possible with them.

So Logan made a bold suggestion to Patton that night that they try again. 

Patton was quiet for a while causing Logan to fear it was still too soon, but his husband agreed that it had been long enough. They once more gave adoption a try.

--

The second time proved to be a charm and the Harts welcomed their son - six year old Emile - into the family in 1993.

He was an eccentric, curious young lad with a love of cartoons and biology; a perfect combination for the happy parents. Not that it would have mattered in the long run, they’d have loved their son no matter what.

Logan looked to the man asleep on his shoulder and their son who had also tuckered himself out watching The Nightmare Before Christmas with them. With a fond smile, Logan rested his head against the back of the sofa, catching sight of his soul balloon. It’d been years since he’d really paid much attention to it, but the name Patton Hart still glistened in wonderous golden letters set against the baby blue of the balloon. He glanced over to Patton, seeing that same cute sleepy face he always made. Logan wondered how, whenever he believed he had hit the maximum, he ended up falling more and more in love with Patton. 

The stronger the feeling grew, the more Logan felt like he could conquer anything, and he would do so in a heartbeat for his husband, and now his son too.. 

--

Love alone, however, couldn’t conquer all things. 

During Emile’s 14th birthday party, Patton collapsed. It was sudden and terrifying, but thankfully Logan was able to keep him out of harm's way until the paramedics arrived. Luckily, they were able to treat Patton at home, coming to the conclusion that heat exhaustion had been the culprit when they were informed that Patton had given himself little time to rest coupled with the unusually hot day.

Logan still wanted Patton to see a doctor as soon as possible, but Patton sweetly but stubbornly insisted he was fine. He didn’t want to cause more of a scene during Emile’s big day. Reluctantly, Logan let him make the final call, relief setting in as Patton went about the rest of the day as his usual cheerful self. Logan made sure to stay by his husband just in case, but the day passed without another hitch.

That couldn’t be said for the second time.

The call came for Logan during one of his lectures; Patton had been catching up with an old coworker from his diner days who’d come to the zoo with their granddaughter when he’d just crumpled to the floor without warning. Logan wasn’t sure what exactly happened, but the next thing he knew, he was parking his car outside the hospital and desperately asking the staff where his husband was being treated.

Fortunately, once again, Patton was more or less alright. When Logan saw him sitting upright in his hospital bed chattering away to a young girl in a hospital gown, he knew for sure his husband was alright. At least for now.

“Will you ever stop giving me a heart attack?”, Logan had sighed with fond exhaustion as he sat next to Patton with his hard carding through his soft umber hair. Patton chuckled and played with the blue tie Logan was so fond of, “Not if it means you’ll keep coming to my rescue like Prince Charming.”. 

Logan let out a huff of laughter, fondly recalling their first meeting. It felt like yesterday still…

“Does that mean you’re still my Cinderella?”

Patton tapped a finger to his chin and finally answered with a smile, “Maybe not. Glass slippers and fairy godmothers or not, I’d never leave your side for anything, Logie Bear.”

Logan wished Patton could have kept that promise.

--

The following years passed with a couple of stumbles along the way in regards to Patton’s health and still the doctor’s weren’t sure what caused his episodes. Logan was naturally worried; he and Patton were in their sixties, he knew that even though Patton kept bouncing back that one day statistically he wouldn’t be able to. That one day Patton would…

Logan didn’t allow himself to think about it. Instead he sat with his husband, enjoying the movie they’d put on; Disney’s UP. His attention wasn’t so much on the movie as it was on Patton. Every time he looked at his husband, Logan didn’t see the silver roots, eye wrinkles, and laughter lines; he saw the boy he’d moved in with at 14, the beautiful young man he went on regular cinema dates with like clockwork, the man whose excited tearful “yes!” still echoed in his brain no matter how many years had passed. 1979 felt both so long ago, yet like it was just yesterday. And now they were doing just what Logan had hoped; growing old together while their son was out in the world working as a therapist alongside his own husband. 

Logan had been skeptical of Remy the first time Emile had introduced them to his parents, but in spite of their sharp tongue and sassy attitude, Logan had easily grown fond of the person who would later become his child-in-law. Logan wasn’t sure if that was the term, but he did his best to keep up. He remembered the day Emile had come home from high school, excitedly babbling about his soulmate. Patton had been on cloud nine the whole time, and while Logan was just as delighted for their son, he was too wrapped up in admiring the happiness that radiated from his husband.

Goodness, when had Logan gotten this sentimental? He asked, knowing full well he’d always been that way when it came to Pat. He decided to tune back in to the movie only to realise he’d been lost in his memories for nearly the entire run time.

On screen, Carl Fredricksen had just discovered the rest of his late wife’s additions to her adventure book. The more stoic Logan of the past would never have been swayed by such a heart-string tugging moment, but well. The years had softened that stony exterior. At least, that's what he told himself while he felt tears roll down his cheeks silently. Patton’s gentle thumb wiping away his tears, drew his attention, noting that his husband was also tearing up. But my god, that smile. Logan could’ve stared at that sunshine grin til the end of time itself. Seizing the moment, Logan gently leant in to give Patton a kiss, which his husband returned in kind.

At that moment, Logan had an idea. It took a lot of string pulling to make it happen, granted, but he refused to allow anything to get in the way of his plans. 

January of 2010 saw Patton’s 66th’s birthday roll in, and Logan first surprised his husband by driving their old car, a blue 1955 Ford Thunderbird, into the driveway. It wasn’t in the greatest condition, having been kept in their garage for years, but Logan had secretly washed and maintained it leading up to today. It still had their cassette tape in the player; the Beach Boys’ Wouldn’t It Be Nice played just as it had back in the day.

The car was only one of the surprises Logan had in store; he’d found an old diner that, while it wasn’t much like Foster’s, was dedicated to capturing the 1980s vibe they were both familiar with. After a couple of milkshakes and Patton’s insistence that they dance together when the jukebox would play their favourite tunes, Logan parked outside of a familiar sight.

Their old theatre and origin of Patton’s nickname, The Starlight; it’d been renamed of course, but thankfully the former owner’s daughter remembered the couple from back in her father’s day, and so Logan had asked if the old sign could be replaced just this once. She’d done one better, adding a lovely “Happy Birthday Patton!” banner underneath. Logan wasn’t sure if hugs could be fatal, but the one Patton sent his way nearly crushed him with the weight of it’s love.

Once inside the foyer, Logan directed Patton to their private screening of Cinderella. He had wanted the same movie he’d proposed to Patton with initially, but alas, the owner couldn’t track it down in time, thus they went with the movie that had led Logan to his soulmate in the first place. The Harts sat in a comfortable silence throughout the film; they didn’t need to say anything, their intertwined hands and soft sighs of adoration were enough. When the movie ended, they began to drive home until Patton spoke up, “Logan, look!”, he gestured out the window towards a familiar sight; the park where they’d met.

The old equipment had been removed and changed  somewhat over the years, but the familiar landmarks were all still there. Logan didn’t need to be asked the question as he parked nearby and walked with his beloved towards the spot where they’d met. The small indent in the ground where the same puddle he’d helped Patton out of was still there in all it’s sentimental glory. Logan raised an eyebrow as Patton sat at the edge of the former puddle until he realised what he was up to,

“Oh no! I’ve fallen! And I can’t get up! Oh where is my Prince Charming who shall come to save me?!”

Logan had to stifle his laughter with his hand for a second before offering it to Patton, rolling his eyes fondly as he stated, “I’m here, I’m here, don’t worry, fair Cinderella.”

He helped Patton to his feet, stumbling a little but thankfully he caught his husband in his waiting arms. With a smile that shone like the gold of his soul balloon’s cursive, Patton met Logan’s eyes, whispering a soft, loving, “I love you, Logan.”

Logan gently brushed a strand of Patton’s hair away from his soulmate’s eyes, “I love you too, Patton.”

The two began to walk back to the car, hand in hand, while Patton explained to Logan where he’d gotten the blue dress he’d met him in when Patton stopped. 

“Patton? Is everything alright-?”

Patton’s breathing hastened, and before he could try and say he was okay, he curled in on himself, grasping his chest. Terrified for his husband, Logan called 911, doing his best to get Patton to the car to drive him to A&E.

--

Nothing was alright.

Logan stayed by Patton’s side in hospital when the doctors delivered the bad news. 

Heart failure. 

The doctor was apologetic the whole time - “I’m so sorry” “If only we’d caught it sooner” “Too late for a transplant” “Surgery would only prolong the inevitable” - but Logan couldn’t bear to hear it. The love of his life lay dying in a cold, sterile room when he should be at home; dancing around their living room, baking with him in their kitchen, laying next to him in bed as they held hands and regaled each other with happy memories and countless “I love you”s. 

The decision wasn’t difficult, not for Logan anyway. The doctors offered to let Logan take him home so he could pass in the comfort of his own home, and while Emile had tried to convince his parents to try for more time in hospital, his fathers both refused. Patton was stubborn when he wanted to be, and Logan even more so. They’d wasted three days with Logan having to stay in hospital with Patton, he wasn’t about to jeopardise any more time. 

Emile and Remy came to visit each day once Patton came home. Neither one would comment on just how tired he looked, but Logan could see the concern in their faces. They both knew as well as Logan that any day could be Patton’s last. Every time they left, both would hold Patton tightly, making sure to always leave with an “I love you, dad”, no matter how late it made them for an appointment or the like.

--

One night, Logan noticed Patton was sitting outside on the porch step in the early morning sunrise, in one hand was a pack of balloons, and in the other, some string and markers.

“What’re you up to, starlight?”, Logan questioned curiously, unable to stop himself smiling as Patton sent him a smile at the old nickname.

“Just wanted to try something, Logie Bear. Here, you can pick out your color.”

Ah. Logan understood, rifling through the pack for the right shade of baby blue to make his soul balloon. He and Patton had of course described their balloons to each other, “Mine’s this lovely dark blue with silver writing! Bold and smart, just like you, Logan!”, Patton had said. He watched Patton try to blow up the balloon, but upon giving himself a coughing fit, Logan went to get the helium pump he’d used for the balloons at Emile’s 14th birthday. 

Once both balloons were safely inflated and tied with some string, the Harts set about writing each other’s name in an imitation of their respective soul balloon. Patton wasn’t sure whether to write Logan’s married name or the one on the balloon, but Logan assured him he didn’t mind. With both balloons finished, the couple tied the ends of their strings together, Patton requesting Logan take some pictures with his phone to show Emile and Remy later. With the request indulged - along with some depicting the couple sat cuddled together with their respective balloons - the two held out the tied end of the balloons and let them go.

Bobbing in the wind, the balloons carried themselves into the sky, twirling in a dance as they soared towards the clouds. The Harts watched until they could no longer see the pair anymore; eventually just sitting side by side on the porch, their fingers locked together and their heads rested against one another. 

The morning was stunning; soft cloudy skies that let the sun peek through while a warm breeze drifted by. 

“Hey, Logie Bear?”, Patton quietly requested. His voice ghostly even in it’s happiness.

“Yes, starlight?”

Logan couldn’t explain how or why he knew that it’d be the last thing he heard Patton say, but he simply held his husband of thirty nine years, his soulmate since birth, even closer as Patton’s last words carved themselves into his memory;

“Thanks for the adventure.”, his stunning eyes met Logan’s one last time, “I love you, Logan.”

“You too, Patton,”, Logan couldn’t stop the tears that rolled down his cheeks, “I love you too.”

Even as Patton’s grip loosened, as his eyes closed, as his breathing shuddered to a halt, Logan stayed with his husband for hours. He knew he’d soon have to break the news to their son before the poor lad and his husband found them still sitting together like always. But Logan couldn’t bring himself to move an inch. 

“I’d never leave your side for anything, starlight...”

--------

I’m not crying I’m SOBBING

This one has me in tears just rereading it to make last minute corrections, god...

Day 12 will be back to much happier themes, I promise!

@tsshipmonth2020

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @cateye-glasses @fandomsofrandom

[alessandriana]

For @southern-continent-skies!

...I should really know better than to say I’m going to write a snippet. 

it’s been a fair while since I’ve read these books so please forgive any inaccuracies!

"The problem is," Ivan said out of nowhere, "that you still haven't dated her."

Gregor lifted his gaze from the mountainous pile of wedding plans he was reviewing-- yes, he'd already signed off on most of it, but it all had to be reviewed one last time before the wedding-- and eyed Ivan, not sure if he was glad for the distraction or not. For the last several days he'd started to feel like he was vibrating, very slightly and invisibly, with nerves. "I haven't? You dined with us just last night, as I recall." It had been a private dinner, just close family-- one last go before the wedding overtook everything else.

Ivan waved a hand airily. His own pile of tasks teetered on the table before he stabilized it with the other hand. "That's not dating, that's courting. There's a difference."

"Mm. And that difference is...?"

Ivan tapped his chin, pensive; he seemed to be considering the question quite carefully. Rather against his own wishes, Gregor found himself interested in the answer. Ivan did have rather a lot of experience going on dates. (Though the success of those could be, and often was, debated.)

"Spontaneity," he finally declared.

"Spontaneity," Gregor repeated, dubious. The last time Gregor had tried spontaneity, he'd toppled off a balcony.

"Exactly. Just going out, and seeing what happens. Isn't that your favorite thing? This one time, the lady and I ended up stranded on a boat in the middle of the river, with no oars... I thought we'd get swept out to sea. We had to wave someone down when we floated past Star Bridge," Ivan reminisced, eyes crinkling with the memory. Then he seemed to recollect himself. "Not that I'm suggesting you do something like that!"

"Lady Alys would rather object," Gregor said, fascinated by this look into his cousin's love life. Ivan shuddered. "When was this?"

"I must have been... say, twenty? Or thereabouts."

A distant bell rang. "Was this Count Vorkraft's daughter, by chance?"

Ivan looked at him askance. "Er... a gentleman really shouldn't kiss and tell."  

Gregor tapped a finger on the stack of flimsies. "For a couple of years there, he had rather an obsession with ensuring the river was patrolled more often. Petitioned me as Count Vorbarra multiple times about it. I must confess, I never quite understood the reasoning."

Ivan tugged at his collar; his face had turned rather a mottled shade of red. "I'm sure it must have been for some other reason," he mumbled. He plucked a reader off the top of his pile, ostensibly going back to his work.

Gregor turned back to his own, though his brain had continued to work. Just going out, and seeing what happens...

---

Two days later, Ivan was cornered early in the morning by his mother, who had a particularly steely glint in her eye that Ivan knew meant he was in trouble. Though he wasn't entirely sure how, this time; he hadn't done anything but wedding prep for days. Ivan glanced around in desperation, but this section of the hallway had no convenient doors he could duck into. "Mamere," he said. Despite himself, the word lilted up into a question at the end.

To his surprise, she didn't immediately start into him. Instead she gave him a long, assessing look.

When she spoke, it was only to say, "Gregor has been under a great deal of stress these last few weeks, preparing for the wedding. As has Laisa."

Ivan blinked. "I... yes?"

She just looked at him again, and then nodded. "It is a very good thing," she said, "that the south pond is so thoroughly screened by trees. ImpSec will hardly have to scrub any cameras." She sniffed-- Ivan might even have called it a snort, if it hadn't been so ladylike. "Though I think the swans may be a bit traumatized."

Then she swept off down the corridor, leaving Ivan, baffled, in her wake.

(Gregor, when Ivan saw him next, was smiling.)

[headcanonsandhijinx]

Justice League Fanfic Idea

Okay, I haven’t seen the Synder cut yet (I’ll get round to it at some point, but please forgive any inaccuracies or mistakes I make) but I came up with an idea that is set at some point after the film and has some good Barry Allen angst potential.

Some time after the events of the film the league are fighting against a new villain, possibly a underling for Steppenwolf who is trying to resurrect him. Unbeknownst to the team, this villain has basically created a time machine to try and reverse time to go back and save Steppenwolf.

Now, the league manage to defeat this villain but they can’t stop the machine in time and it explodes, sending them a year or 2 back in time. (Whatever would fit best into the timeline since Victor would still have his cybernetics and Barry would have only just got his powers and I’m not sure how long they’ve both had their respective powers when the events of the film start, as it’s been ages and I never bothered to watch the wheadon justice league again.)

The league all wake up with their memories intact and everything so they quickly find each other to figure out what to do. The only thing is that they don’t know where Barry is and he hasn’t turned up yet, so they start searching.

Now I don’t know if this is only in the tv show universe, but in the show ‘The Flash’ after Barry gets hit by lightning he ends up in a 9 month long coma. (Can you see where I’m going with this?)

They find Barry after finding a news article about a young man getting struck by lightning and ending up in a coma. They then learn that this happened 8 months ago and are all shocked because Barry hadn’t told them how he got his powers yet.

They find an excuse to either visit him or, like in the show, have him moved somewhere else, possibly the batcave? And just have to deal with seeing Barry, who was usually so talkative and always fidgety, so still in the hospital bed. I also like to imagine that Barry has permanent lichtenburg scars from the lightning so the team seeing those and reacting to these huge scars that will eventually fade a lot but are still there.

Even sadder if you add in the league trying to care for comatose!Barry and despite hearing Barry talk about some of the negative effects of his speed, never realising how bad it can be until they are seeing it for themselves. Barry flatlines twice before they realise that his heart isn’t stopping, it’s going too fast for the moniter to pick up. He needs an insane amount of calories to keep up a healthy weight. He’s comatose but still has the speedforce in his body so all the excess energy of the speedforce doesn’t have a way to safely burn itself out like it could if Barry was awake and able to run to release the energy, so he ends up having really violent muscle contractions that are so bad the team thinks he’s seizing at first.

Just the league having to care for comatose!Barry until he wakes up and then trying to help out their resident speedster, because ‘damn it! He’s already done this alone once, he’s not doing it alone again!’ And ending up as a found family along the way because I fucking love the ‘Found Family’ trope!

***

So this is kind of a mess but I just really like making characters sad and I just really like Justice League Barry.

I haven’t actually watched the flash show apart from some random clips and read a couple of fanfics so most of my knowledge comes from those and I apologise if it isn’t quite accurate but I’m trying to blend canons and it’s tricky.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this idea and have a lovely day/night!

[muwi-translates]

Collar x Malice キャラクターCD ミニドラマ 「二人きりの湯煙譚」

Collar x Malice Okazaki Kei Character CD Mini Drama - A Hot Bath for the Two of Us

Spoiler free. Just a note that I used a Chinese translation as my main source, and did some light cross-referencing from the original audio. There might be some inaccuracies.

**Please don’t move this translation or claim it as your own.**

Since we’ve started dating, we’ve gone on countless dates. But usually they’re nothing more than spending a few hours with each other between work, and even if we get days off, we can only get together and laze around at home. She often says that it’s unhealthy for her. Even though it’s fun and soothing to just be able to spend time with her, it might be good to go on a proper date like lovers would. 

Even I want to see her make all sorts of expressions, and I want to keep this girl that only I know all to myself. That’s why I went and asked Yoshinari-kun for advice without expecting much. And then-- 

---

Ah, come look at this! They’re real open-air baths! So we’ll be able to get in whenever we want when we stay in this inn~ Since we’re already here, won’t do we go in right now? 

Yup, together.

Eh? Do you really not want to? It’s true that there are different types of baths in the public area, but aren’t men and women separated?

I want to bathe with you. 

Haha, your face is all red. Oh, you really are so cute. When I see you all shy like this, it’s unbearable for me in every sense. 

Ah, why did you move so far away? I’m sorry, is it because I said it in a weird way? Then I won’t say it in such a roundabout way. I’ll say it more directly-- [she covers his mouth]

You’re so mean. It’ll be too late to wait for your approval, plus I just wanted to express my own opinions.

I’ve been looking forward to a hot spring trip with you for soooo long. It’s my first time going on a two-person trip, so I can’t help it if I feel a little excited about it. Aren’t you the same? 

That’s good. So you were also looking forward to it? 

Right, it wasn’t easy to find time for a vacation, it would be too wasteful if you didn’t do things you normally don’t do. 

So let’s go into the bath together? 

[Grabs hand] Well, it’s useless if you want to run. It’s just the two of us, so it doesn’t really matter. Since we’ve come out on a trip, we should make some memories, right? 

Ah… is it okay to? I suggested it but I didn’t expect you to agree so easily. 

You want to make some special memories as well? 

That makes me so happy. Thank you. Well, come over when you’re ready. 

---

Ah! You’re finally here! I was just thinking about how lonely I felt just sitting here waiting for you. Come here quickly~ you’ll catch a cold. Okay, okay, I’ll behave and turn my back to you. 

Are you ready? But, ah, we’re already lovers by now, so I’ve already seen a lot of you--[splash]

 Sorry, sorry! Don’t get mad, hehe. 

Haaa… it’s a little cramped but it’s comfortable. Besides, this is a turbid bath [1], so you wouldn’t be as embarrassed once you used it, right? 

It’s good that you’re able to enjoy it.

But… why are you sitting so far away from me? I can’t see anything below your neck anyway so you can come closer to me.

Hm… if you won’t come over then I will. Hey, don’t run off. Are you really that embarrassed?

Look, you can’t escape anymore~

Hehe, it feels like I’m doing something bad. But you’re the one who decided to come here, right? I know I’m stubborn, but I’m really happy you’re willing to listen to my selfish requests. But if I tease you too much then it’ll be annoying, so I’ll be patient from now on.

Your hair looks really fresh done like that, it makes you look more mature than usual. You can only discover new things like this when you travel. 

Eh? Don’t stare at me like that? That’s impossible, since you’re so cute~

It almost hurts to look at you.

Hey, can I touch you just a little?

No?

I’m not teasing you, it’s a sincere request. I won’t do anything strange… probably.

I won’t touch you then, how about you come and touch me? Here. You can touch anywhere you like.

You didn’t have to decline like that. 

Aa~ah, I was so lonely being only one playing around. We're both busy at work, so it's hard to get a chance to travel like this, right? I feel like you’re farther away from me than usual when you’re relaxing at home. I don’t get enough of you at all.

Hm--!! Ouch… why did you pinch my cheeks? 

Because I said you could touch me?

Haha, you listened to one of my selfish requests again.

I know, I’m sorry. The tension’s different when you’re staying at home and when you’re going out. Even if it’s the same for me, my heart starts pounding fast when I’m in a different environment than usual. I’m not lying, that’s why I’m excited. Even more than usual, I can’t keep down the feeling of how much I like you.

Hm? Your face is all red, are you okay?

It’s because I said something weird? Really? It was all stuff I actually feel though. That I like you, and how I think you’re so cute, and how much I want to touch you too. 

Okay, okay! Calm down. If you get too rowdy then I’ll see everything~

[Laughs] 

You’re all frozen up.

Alright, I won’t tease you anymore. 

Being next you like this makes me feel warm but, at the same time I think this isn’t enough.

I want to be able to see your happy face, and I want you to worry about me sometimes. I don’t think you’ll be bothered too much by me though.

Don’t say it yourself? That’s true.

I’m glad I was able to take a bath with you. You wouldn’t do this with other people, right? It makes me happy knowing that this is just something special between you and me. Since I want you to spend more time with just me.

---

Haah, it’s getting warm, should we get out soon?

Yup, I’m turning around.

It’s dinner time soon, right? It looks like they’ll bring it up to our room, how about we play some playing card games-- what was that just now? Hey, are you okay?

Sorry, I know you said I can’t look, but this is an emergency so forgive me.

---

Ah, are you awake? That’s good. I think you soaked for too long. Are you feeling any dizziness or nausea? I brought some water back, do you want some?

Ah, don’t push yourself, I’ll help you.

I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I was the one who invited you in. I was so caught up in the mood that I didn’t notice your complexion. I’m such an idiot.

You know, from time to time, I think about how I won’t forgive anyone who hurts you, or how I said I’ll protect you from anything. But because of how much I want you and my own selfishness, am I going to be the one who’ll hurt you the most in the future?

Ouch-- “don’t decide that on your own”? It was your choice to stay with me? 

You’re so… you’re too kind. Are you… mad? 

Eh? You’re happy? Really?

But… I’ll reflect on myself properly.

I’m glad, that you can smile at me.

Hm? You didn’t bother me at all. I just carried you over here, wiped you down, put on your yukata-- Eh? “Did I see”? Ah… yeah, I couldn’t dry you without looking, ah, but I quickly dressed you, so I only saw a little.

I was only thinking about how I needed to save you then, so it’s not like I had time to think of any weird things. 

It’s true! Haha, so this is what you’ll get mad at? So strange.

I know, I know, I’ll just pretend I didn’t see anything. Don’t get mad, okay?

Yes? Ah, it looks like dinner’s here. Are we eating now? Okay, I’ll let them prepare it. 

Coming! I’ll open the door now. 

---

Haaah, I’m so full… It looks like you’re feeling better, that’s good. But don’t push yourself. It’s still too early to sleep right now, why don’t we try karaoke or go to the games area?

What do I want to do? 

You already listened to my selfish request in the bath, so we should do something you want to do.

Haha, rather than say I’m being patient, it’s better to say that I’m reflecting on myself. I always said that we should have a proper date like a normal couple. Once in a while that’s-- oh? This isn’t like me? But…

… You want to… snuggle with me? Really?

Mm, even if you didn’t say it I can see it on your face. But, how do I say it… I feel guilty. Not just for letting you get overheated, but I worry you’ll get kidnapped by bad guys. 

Of course, that bad guy would be me. 

I think you have bad taste in men. 

Haha, we’re both bound to each other, huh?

Then I don’t have to hold back. 

I’ve been wanting to hold you like this.

You’re always looking after me. If this keeps going on, then I’ll become even more selfish. I was only looking towards the end not that long ago. For that to change, and for me to want you so much now surprised me too. I think you already know but, my heart is pretty narrow-minded. You look so cute in your yukata, I don’t want anyone else to see. It wasn’t easy to come here, but I kept thinking of these things. 

It’s because you’re mine. The only one who can keep you all to themselves is me. But, since this is a two person trip, if there’s anything you want to do, don’t just bear it and just tell me. What do you want to do? What do you want me to do for you?

You said it before? I want to hear it again. 

I really do want to make your wishes come true. So what kind of snuggling do you want to do?

I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. I’m yours too, after all. 

Alright, I should close my eyes, right?

Is this okay? Next is--

[Kiss]

You cut me off. 

Hey, is this all? Should I keep my eyes closed? I really want to see your face right now. I bet you’re making a really cute face.

If we’re taking turns, then it’s my turn next. Or, is it yours again? Any is fine with me. I’ll listen to any of your requests.

You’ll give me the honours? Are you sure you really want to?

You really are a kind, sly person.

[Kiss]

Since I have permission now, I won’t hold back. What I want now is to be connected to you more and more deeply. Can I?

Thank you.

I love you.

I’ll show you exactly how much I love you. So, show me how much you do too.

Not just tonight, but from now on until forever, no matter how many times it’ll take.

---

Translator’s note: [1] turbid bath - mineral-rich water that has a milky look.

[ineloqueent]

Starstruck: Part 8

Brian May x Fem!Reader

This is Part 8 of a multi-part fic. Click the links below to read the Masterpost, the previous part, or the next part of the fic :)

Masterpost / Part 7 / Part 9

Summary: When studying at Imperial College in the 1970s, your path is crossed by a beautiful boy as much in love with the stars as you.  

Warnings: swearing, slight (?) angst, far too much narration about the beauty of stars/space...

Historical Inaccuracies: once more, n/a. i’m on a roll!

Word Count: 4.3k (again, haha)

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

Lightning crashed cacophonously outside of your bedroom window, and you jumped in surprise. Rarely did it storm in London. Normally it just rained. But the weather tonight was fierce— thunder boomed like a woman scorned, and the rain lashed against the sides of the house, roiling like the tempered sea.

The phone in the hallway rang, and you yelped, then proceeded to haul yourself from your bed so as to answer it.

“Y/N?” Heather stood in the hallway and glanced between you and the phone. “It’s just a phone, yeah?”

You nodded and Heather crossed her arms. “You’ve been jumpy for weeks. Why don’t you just call him?”

The phone rang on persistently, and you wanted to pick it up, if only to make the noise stop. But Heather was blocking your way.

“Call who.” It wasn’t a question. You didn’t need to ask who she meant, and she didn’t need to specify.

“You know very well that I’m talking about Brian,” Heather leveled her gaze on you. “Just call him. Say whatever you have to say. Hell if I know what’s going on, but I give bloody good advice and you’d be silly not to follow it.”

“Heather,” you sighed. “Would you let me pick up the phone to speak to whomever it is that’s already calling?”

“How do you know it’s for you, Princess?” With that, she snatched up the phone. “Hello? This is Heather.” She paused, then smirked to herself. “Of course, Freddie. I’ll get her on the phone.” To you, she said, “Fine. You win. But only because Rog’s already called me twice today.” She pushed the phone into your hand and entered your shared room. She flopped down on her bed, picking up a copy of Music Life.

“Hello, Fred?”

“Y/N, darling!” Freddie always began his phone calls like this. “Fancy a drink?”

“Freddie, it’s—” you glanced at your watch, “eight-thirty at night.”

“Yes, so why do you sound like you’re about to go to bed?”

You sighed. “Why now, Freddie? You must know I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh, Y/N, you’re never in the mood.” There it was. He knew you too well. “And I want a chat.” His voice had dipped, taken on a quality of quiet honesty, a certain degree of sobriety.

After weeks of carefully avoiding the topic of Mary, and the topic of his feelings in general, would Freddie finally feel okay to tell you what was going on?

You hoped so. You’d been too anxious about Freddie’s possible reaction to your asking— you’d learned your lesson with these things— and so you had not asked at all.

“I’m on my way.”

“That’s the spirit! See you soon, darling!” There was a click.

You poked your head into the bedroom, “Heather, I’m going over to Freddie’s.”

“Sayonara, Y/N,” Heather waved at you over the top of her magazine. She seemed distracted by daydreams of a certain blonde-haired drummer. She’d probably pick up the phone and ring him as soon as you’d left. They’d talk into the night like the moon and the sun crossing paths between the dawn or the dusk, as you’d once done with Brian, your very own kindred spirit.

You didn’t even notice that you’d wound the rainbow scarf around your neck until you were too far down the road and it was too late to discard it again.

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

“Freddie?”

“In the kitchen, dearie!”

You discarded your outerwear by the door and padded on socked feet into the tile-floored room. You were surprised to discover that it was not only Freddie standing there, but Deacy and Roger too.

“Hiya,” you said slowly, in puzzlement. No one was drinking alcohol, unless someone had invented tea bags for gin in the past twenty-four hours and neglected to inform you.

“Y/N, how nice,” Deacy smiled and toasted you with his tea.

“Yes, I think…” you murmured.

Roger was drumming his fingers on his mug. He seemed peculiarly high-strung.

“What’s going on?” you asked when no one spoke.

Freddie was quick to sweep a friendly arm around your shoulders. “Why, a gathering of friends, of course. Are you now also opposed to friendship with the three of us, hm? Not enough to alienate one of four?”

They wanted to talk about Brian. That was why you were here.

You didn’t want to talk about Brian. “I didn’t alienate him,” you said irritatedly. Freddie let his arm fall.

“Just trying to speak your sciency language,” he shrugged.

“You haven’t spoken to Brian for weeks,” Roger supplied, as though you needed to be reminded.

“I’m well aware.”

“But—” began John.

“This has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him,” you retorted. “I said something stupid, I apologised. He didn’t accept my apology, and here we are.”

Deacy looked positively crestfallen. He tried so unwaveringly hard to hold everyone together, and the look on his face almost made you take back your harsh assessment of the situation. Almost. Sometimes you had to stand your ground.

“Y/N,” Roger said cautiously, “you should know that he was rather close to his aunt.”

You closed your eyes in anguish. You’d tried not to think about how your words to Brian might have brought him painful memories, brought grief very close to the surface. Ill-willed or not, it was clear you’d hurt him.

But still, a stubbornness fought back within you. He had let you worry, and he had not given you a chance, and that had torn at you.

“He’s as delicate as his music, darling.”

Perhaps Freddie had put it perfectly, because you understood. And you would forgive Brian as soon as he forgave you. Before he forgave you.

“He just needs time,” John placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “He’ll come around.”

You were about to nod when another voice sounded in the hall.

“Freddie?”

“In the kitchen, darling!”

You glanced at Freddie. “Wait a minute.”

Brian’s curly head appeared in the door.

“Oh, you did not do this,” your sympathy dissipated at the sight of Brian, for he roused in you an anger at yourself, a relentless hatred that swathed you in despair and confusion.

He appeared to feel the same way about you. “Freddie,” Brian said sternly.

Freddie threw his hands up. “Why is it that you all seem to think this was my idea?”

“Because it’s usually your idea,” you deadpanned.

“So you can agree on something, yay!” Freddie looked ready to give this fact a standing ovation. “Only, it wasn’t my idea. It was Roger’s.”

You turned to glare at Roger, only to find that he wasn’t where he’d been before.

And nor was Deacy.

There were two doors to the kitchen, and from the one to your left there came the clicking of a lock.

“Time to go, I think,” said Freddie, and before you could register what was going on, he’d pushed Brian into the room with you and slammed the second door shut with himself on the other side.

The second lock clicked.

“What the hell, Freddie!” Brian shouted as you flew at the door to uselessly rattle its handle.

“Roger. It was Roger’s idea,” you heard Freddie sigh.

“Bloody good one too,” said Roger from the opposite side.

“This is ridiculous,” you declared.

“Let us out,” Brian shook the other door’s handle, and his eyes flashed angrily when you caught them.

“No.” That was Deacy. “Not until the two of you talk. Or jump each other’s bones. Either one works, but it’s got to be one of them.”

“John Richard Deacon!” you bellowed, a flush flaring across your cheeks. A twin flush coloured Brian’s features, and you stared. Even in anger he bore his serene beauty, soft-lipped and deathly still, though his eyes burned like dying stars.

No voices answered your shout this time. They’d bloody well left.

“Stop looking at me,” Brian snapped, and your eyes immediately fell away from him.

“Sorry,” you muttered.

“You say that too often.”

“You don’t say it enough!” you cried. “You and your bloody pride.”

He scoffed. “Yes, Y/N, pretend you understand.”

You groaned. “Not like you’ve given me a chance to.”

“Well, god, it’s a wonder when you’re so—”

“You know what, Brian,” you whirled to face him, “shut up for a bloody second.”

His lips pressed closed, more in surprise than in obedience, but it would have to do.

“I have not spoken to you for weeks, and I don’t even fucking know why.”

He sputtered. “Because— because you’re being impossible!”

“I’m being impossible? How can I be, when you haven’t let me?”

“Well—”

But you’d had enough. You could be gentle, but what was gentleness if not offset by honesty?

“What is it that you want me to say? Honestly, tell me, because I’d like to know.”

He carded a hand through his hair. “I don’t—”

“You don’t know, do you?”

“No, alright, I don’t! Happy?”

“Not even close.”

“Excellent. What a fine pair we make,” Brian grumbled dramatically, throwing up his hands before letting them fall to his sides. He looked defeated, he looked tired. You were tired. Tired of arguing with a person who was supposed to be your friend.

You heaved a sigh. “But I do know one thing.” You approached him carefully. He didn’t step away. “I need you,” you said, “and quite frankly, you need me. I’m sorry that I was so insensitive. But if you won’t talk to me about this, then we’ve got to carry on as we did before.” His gaze was intense when he peered at you beneath his eyelashes, but you did not blink.

“You’re my friend, Brian,” you took his hands in yours, “my wonderful friend, who lends me beautiful scarves without a second thought and talks about the superiority of short-period comets, and I don’t want to see you failing Carmichael’s class because some idiot didn’t help you with your derivatives.”

He didn’t pull his hands back toward him, he let you hold them. The unbearable heat of his anger had turned to warmth, and it flooded through his hands and enveloped your own.

A smile ghosted his mouth. Your heart skipped dangerously.

“That was surprisingly touching, Y/N.”

You could have laughed in relief, in elation.

“Charming, Bri,” you opted for apathy instead. “You could’ve left out the surprising bit, you know.”

“Oh, no,” he murmured. “Can’t let you get too confident, love.”

You were all too aware that his hands still rested with yours, all too aware of the almost imperceptible pout that his lips always bore, all too aware of the way the light fell across his face and cast his eyes in a shadow that made them all the more lovely to behold. Tantalising.

“I’m sorry for the way I behaved,” Brian said softly. “It was unforgivably childish.”

“And yet you are forgiven,” you spared him a small smile.

“Thank you.”

He squeezed your hands tightly and you hung on to the feeling even as he let go.

“Now,” he raised his voice, “would you let us out, please?”

You heard Roger laugh, and the door unlocked.

You followed Brian through the opened door and into the living room, where you found Deacy and Freddie handing Roger crumpled pound notes, the second looking decidedly more peeved than the first.

Roger’s expression was smug as he tapped ash from his cigarette into a flower-patterned ashtray. “We had a little bet…”

You glanced at John and Freddie. “You two. You know he’s going to hold this over you forever, right?”

Deacy nodded, closing his eyes. “Worst decision I’ve made in my life.”

Roger snorted in laughter. “And that’s saying something.”

Freddie only drank his tea cooly, took a drag from his own cigarette.

“Funny,” Roger reclined lazily on the sofa, “that’s the second time that trick has worked.”

“You’ve locked arguing friends into a kitchen before?” said Brian.

“Well, not a kitchen, but a room, yes,” Roger grinned and blew smoke into the air. Deacy waved it away, scrunching up his nose. “Actually,” he amended, “it was more of a cupboard, but yeah.”

“Honestly, I’m not sure why you’re surprised,” you responded to Brian.

John sighed. “Please stop encouraging him. He’ll never let it go.”

Freddie hummed in agreement, pursuing a staring contest with Roger. “Yes, don’t give him any good ideas.”

“Far too late for that.”

“I think I need a stronger tea,” said Freddie.

And just like that, everything was back to normal. Or, more or less normal, anyway.

You doubted you would ever be able to look at Brian in the same way as you had before.

Something had changed.

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

March became April, and April turned to May.

May. Funny that to some people, it was only the name of a month.

But to you— to Freddie, to John, to Roger— May was Brian May. Soft-spoken but passionate, controlling, caring, motherly, silly, stubborn, and pensive was Brian May.

Opulent but direly shy Freddie, goofy and sweet-hearted Deacy, rebellious yet thoughtful Roger. The four of them together were magic.

It brightened your day when you went to their rehearsals, where John threw peanuts into Brian’s hair during his guitar solos, and Freddie struck up random chords on the piano to pen a parody, and Roger twirled his drumsticks in elaborate arrangements between fills, and Brian— well. Brian. Your breath hitched when he smiled at you.

Queen was the camaraderie and escapism you didn’t know you needed.

They treated you like family, like a part of their family, and there was never a band meeting without you to weigh in your opinion, never a rehearsal without you to make suggestions for this, that, or the other to make Queen just a touch better.

They had now begun writing for the new album, and it was an extensive process. It was untitled and contained a handful of half-written songs. Or so they all claimed. You’d only heard snippets of two songs.

The main issue lay in that Queen was attempting to juggle studies, part-time jobs, home life (in Deacy’s case), and the band. To add to this, there was the fact that they had only an empty lecture hall in which to practice. The space was simply not designed for the creative experimentation of four usually-squabbling musicians. Thus, rehearsal location became the main topic of discussion during the band “meetings”, which involved the five of you, as well as Queen’s new manager, John Reid, and normally descended into chatter over tea and biscuits after someone started off on a tangent and the others too forgot the world around them.

But when the world really fell away for you was every Thursday night, when Brian turned up at your place to learn derivatives and to teach guitar.

His improvement was incredible— not that you thought he was so terrible at maths that you found it incredible that he could improve, but rather, it impressed you how quickly he improved. It was like a wave, building, building, building, and then suddenly, understanding. And his understanding was brilliant.

When maths and science were involved, Brian spoke another language. He spoke it so fluently, it was like he’d invented it. His eyes lit up, and he just talked. God, he gushed. He was immersed, he lost himself in it entirely, in the numbers and theories and photographs and diagrams.

He loved the stars as much as you.

You’d never been able to explain to anyone what it was like, to feel your breath being taken away by the world above, even when there was little to be seen during daylight. The sky was wide and open and forever, a hopefulness in the unknown— night after night, the stars would be there to welcome you home.

You had never felt like a person; you had always felt like a star. Distant, cold at first sight, but white hot to the touch. The days were your bane, but night brought you glory.

And when Brian spoke of the universe, he was the night.

He also seemed impressed with your progress, in guitar, and if you were being honest, you were proud of yourself too.

It was getting far easier to move between difficult chords, now that your fingers were accustomed to the movements and strengthened by stretching. You were getting the hang of vibrato and of using your wrist to help you create certain sounds, rather than relying on your fingers alone.

And you were enjoying yourself.

Brian could see it too.

“Amazing,” he said one day, shaking his head. “Look at you!”

You laughed in delight, because there was a certain euphoria in hitting the right notes at the right times, melding them together to create melodies, and not only that, but you were the one creating the melodies, the music. It was the purest rush of power.

Then there came the day when you could play all of ‘The Width of a Circle’. Not perfectly, not without a few mishaps and mistakes, but play the whole eight-minute song you could, nonetheless. And you had no doubt that the amount your skill had improved by was thanks to Brian.

“Want to play it together?”

You glanced up at him.

His chin was inclined ever-so-slightly, and his eyes twinkled.

You smiled. “Yeah.”

“Lead us in, then,” he nodded to you, and you began the opening riff.

Brian joined in easily, and you almost lost your concentration in awe of the way he had harmonised his playing to yours.

You were tapping your foot to keep the beat, and he was leaning back and nodding his head to the music. He grinned and you smiled, and he moved to lean his shoulder against yours as he played.

You laughed through a chord progression and leaned so that you were playing back to back.

You could feel the shift of his shoulders against your back, and the warmth that emanated from his skin, and you closed your eyes as you played, because never before had you felt your soul so intertwined with that of another person. It was bliss.

The song was over far sooner than an eight-minute song should have seemed, and when the last notes rang out from the guitars, you turned around.

His expression was one of pure joy, and you imagined that your face bore a similar mien.

“That was— that was fantastic.” You had searched in vain for a word and finally settled on fantastic, because nothing would do the moment justice anyhow.

“We should do this more often,” Brian said, pushing his curls back from his face with another smile. He was always smiling these days. And how much like a star he looked when he smiled.

“You think you could handle being in my presence more than just every Thursday?”

“On top of every time we have rehearsals or meetings for the band,” he reminded you.

You nodded. “See, I don’t think you could handle it.”

Really, he would probably be okay, assuming he didn’t secretly hate you. But you, on the other hand, would probably not survive seeing him with his sunlit eyes and half-buttoned shirts more often than you already did.

He bit his lip, and of this you were painfully aware.

“No,” he murmured, “I don’t think I could handle it.”

You sucked in a breath.

You both jumped at the sound of Big Ben chiming, and the staticky feel of the air around you was relieved.

“Better go,” said Bri apologetically. “Fred’s wants us up early tomorrow, to discuss concepts for the album, but I guess you’ll be coming to that..?”

“Oh, yeah,” you remembered. “Nearly forgot about that.”

“Good thing you have me here,” he winked, then set to gathering up his things.

He didn’t see how you pressed your lips together, wrapped your arms around your yourself. It was starting to annoy you, how you behaved around him. You had no reason to feel so… so… so strangely. It was just Brian. Stupidly beautiful astrophysicist Brian.

Oh.

Despite Bri’s comment about not giving you “the wrong idea” all those weeks ago, when you’d made the mistake of inquiring about his disappearance, you found yourself thinking about him more often than not, and longing for his touch upon your skin.

Oh god.

You would not go down that path. It would ruin you, become your undoing.

The sooner he left tonight, the better.

The sooner he left, the better.

You could only hope that Queen would be scheduling their next tour for the near future.

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

“Good morning, darling!” said Freddie the following day when you arrived at his place for the meeting.

“Hiya Freddie, everyone.” Polite greetings chorused back to you.

Freddie, Deacy, Bri, and Reid were already assembled around Freddie’s coffee table in the sitting room, but it appeared Roger was running late, as per usual.

Atop your list of problems for the time being, however, was the fact that there was barely any room to sit down.

Sitting room my arse.

Reid and Deacy, immersed in conversation, each occupied an armchair on one side of the table, and Freddie and Brian were squeezed onto a loveseat that already looked decidedly uncomfortable.

Brian stood up and walked over to you. “Let me take that,” he said, easing the weight of your messenger bag from your shoulder. His fingertips skimmed your shoulder and your skin tingled.

“Thank you,” you smiled at him gratefully as he set down your bag.

Then Roger arrived, big sunglasses barely obscuring the bags beneath his eyes. He’d obviously been out partying the previous night. Likely he’d been out with Heather, who had arrived home in the wee hours of the morning, waking you in the process.

“Morning everyone,” Roger said drowsily, neither bothering to acknowledge replies nor his surroundings as he took the spot Brian had previously tenanted.

“Rog, that was my seat.”

Roger scoffed airily. “Was. And now it has a new owner.” He shuffled farther to Freddie’s side of the sofa. “Go on, squeeze in. There’s room for your spindly limbs yet.”

Brian crossed his arms. “And leave nowhere for the lady to sit?” he gestured to you and you pulled your cardigan more tightly around your shoulders, slightly flustered at being addressed a lady.

Freddie sighed laboriously. “Oh, hurry up and work something out, darlings, we’ve got work to do!”

“Yes,” John interjected, raising his teacup from its saucer. “We’ve got to sort out those finances Sheffield duped us out of.”

You didn’t want to be a bother. “It’s fine, I’ll just stand.”

“For the whole meeting?” asked Brian.

You shrugged. “Can’t be that long, can it?”

“Nonsense— you know how Fred goes on. You sit down. I’ll stand,” Bri insisted.

“Really, no, it was your spot first.”

He shook his head. “I won’t—”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Roger yanked on Brian’s arm and Brian fell onto the sofa with an oof. Then the drummer snatched your sleeve and pushed you into Brian’s lap.

Upon reflex, Brian’s arms wrapped around your middle to catch you, and your hands went straight to his.

Deacy’s cup clinked against its porcelain dish. Reid smiled faintly in confusion, but Roger looked smug and Freddie folded his hands neatly.

You blushed. Brian’s fingers were warm on your stomach. But you wouldn’t let any of it faze you— no need to make any more of a scene than you already had.

Brian started, beginning to pull away, “I’m so sorry—”

You cut him off, patting his hands. “So what’s on the agenda for today, Deacy?”

John blinked. Then his features broadened into a smile, which he tried to hide.

“What?”  you said with the fabricated nonchalance of an Oscar-winning actress. “Can friends not sit together these days? Will you be scandalised if I show my ankle?” You tugged on your trouser leg and wriggled your foot.

“Aha, no,” Deacy said carefully. He was making the face he made when he was trying not to say whatever innuendo had just formed on his tongue. The others looked on in silence, rapt with attention.

“Hm?” You touched Brian’s knee with light fingers. You could’ve sworn that his breath caught; he went very still behind you, beneath you.

Freddie broke the awkward silence. “We haven’t got all day, you know. What’ve we got to talk about, John?”

“You first. You called the meeting, Fred.”

“Oh. Yes. Well. I had an idea for costumes,” Freddie began.

“Costumes?” said Reid. “Fred, you’ve yet to write the music for the next album. I can book you a tour without costumes, but I can’t bloody well book you a tour without music to play on it.”

Freddie waved his hand. “Music comes to us like breathing, dearie. Don’t you worry about that. We’ll have an album and more in no time, but image, image takes time.”

“Time and effort,” agreed Roger, who adored the glamour aspect of performance no less than Freddie.

Reid sighed. “Alright. So, costumes. Budget, John?”

Deacy put down his tea and flipped through a notebook. “We’re alright for a couple hundred pounds,” he said.

Reid raised his eyebrows. “A couple hundred? Where’d you get that kind of money? You’re not peddlin’ drugs, are you?”

Deacy shook his head placidly. “Pays not to have a studio to rehearse in.”

“What’ve you got in mind, Fred?” Brian made his first point of conversation, and you felt his soft breath on your ear. You quickly pushed the thought from your mind— focus, costumes.

Freddie grinned. “Zandra Rhodes.”

⁺˚*·༓☾ ☽༓･*˚⁺

A/N: this is absolutely one of the chapters i’m most proud of writing. i think i put a bit too much of myself into my stories sometimes, though. let me know you get tired of me talking about the ethereality of starlight ;)

taglist: @melting-obelisks​ @hgmercury39​  @stardust-killer-queen​ @topsecretdeacon

Masterpost / Part 7 / Part 9