#don't tell anyone but this made me a little emotional

[twig-tea]

East Palace, West Palace in ep5 of Blue Canvas of Youthful Days

I have been punched in the solar plexus by Blue Canvas of Youthful Days episode 5. So much happens in that episode that is overwhelming, from Qi Lu setting up a Netflix-and-chill date with the clear intention of making a move, to his putting on the famous film East Palace, West Palace (1996), to Qi Lu hiding Qin Xiao in the closet, to Qi Lu's panic at his father realizing he's been lied to, to the devastatingly practiced way Teacher Liu steps to Qi Lu being abused and handles his father, to the way Qi Lu shuts down, to the way QIn Xiao keeps sending mixed signals and Qi Lu calls him on it directly. And nobody else in this episode let me rest either; Tan Fan trying to ask Teacher Liu to wait for him and Liu brushing him off AGAIN, and Turtle trying to call out

@lurkingshan was already more coherent than I can be right now about what happened in the episode in her post.

So instead I want to focus on some queer cinema history that this episode evoked by using East Palace, West Palace as the film that Qi Lu shows to QIn Xiao.

For those who don't know, EPWP is considered to be the first realistic depiction of a gay man in film by a mainland Chinese production. It is to my knowledge the first time a gay man says "I love you" to another man on screen. It was made before being gay was decriminalized in China (1997), and it was filmed by an independent production company and smuggled out of China to France in order to be finished and distributed. It ended up at the Cannes festival in 1997, but the director's passport was seized and he was placed under house arrest to prevent him from attending. Despite pressure to pull the film, it still aired that year. In 1998, the Film Law was passed to prevent anyone from making films outside of the studio system (and therefore censorship review), effectively preventing anything like EPWP from being made in the future.

The film is about a gay man who cruises in the notorious bathrooms in the parks on either side of Tiananmen Square getting harassed by police officers (a situation extremely familiar to the historical queer experience in Canada [where I'm from] as well) and playing what I'd describe as a psychological game with one of them; A Lan kisses the cop, runs, and then gets caught a second time, and uses the second police confession as an excuse to tell his life's story in the public record, all while pushing the police officer a little further into deviance. As far as I'm aware, this film has been banned in China since being made and never shown (please correct me if I'm wrong about that!).

This is hitting me hard because of the much more recent history of Blue Canvas of Youthful Days itself. As most of you know, but I'll capture here for posterity, episodes 1-4 of this show aired on iQIYI (a China-based app) on August 6, and within 24 hours they were pulled from the app with no information about the future episodes being shown. When I watched episode 5 today, after waiting for it for 3 months, I was immediately hit with a wave of anger that this gorgeous, emotionally moving and powerful episode had been held back from public consumption for months, for the same reasons that the film being shown within the episode had been withheld from viewing in its own country.

Censorship is such an ugly thing, it's hard to articulate but the emotions around it are so strong because we know, when they pull or refuse to show media that depicts our lives, it's because they don't want our lives to be real; they don't want us to exist. It's a very real threat. And to have this episode--which is all about an abused boy who is in very real danger but so bravely insisting that he shoot his shot and take his best chance at love and happiness anyway, using the iconic confession scene from one of the most famous banned films in Chinese queer cinema history to do it--to have this episode be the one that was prevented from airing......I am overwhelmed.

In the scenes they watch in episode 5, A Lan tries to prevent the officer from uncuffing him, and then the officer lets him go, but A Lan doesn't go far and comes back. He declares his love to the officer's face, and demands that his love be acknowledged and not dismissed. And the officer does not know what to do with it and reacts with violence, which is partially what A Lan has been angling at all along. The show really played with this by having all three of the couples in the show stymied by having their overtures dismissed this episode, but we almost didn't get to see it.

I'm so grateful this got distribution now, and on multiple platforms. Blue Canvas of Youthful Days is airing Saturdays and Sundays on GagaOOLala and Youtube (note, as per @thisonelikesaliens's excellent language posts, the subs on Gaga are much better), and on Mondays on Viki. I know there is an avalanche of content right now, but this show is so good and worked so hard to make it to us, please give it some love!

[mc-lukanette]

Marinette didn't particularly get the idea of music translating into words. To her, music was music and words were words; you could mix the two in a song to evoke more emotion, but that wasn’t the same as one becoming the other.

That was the reason she was there, she supposed. Luka had intrigued her with his offer, and if anyone could make her believe it or learn something new about music, it was him. Sure, he was also kind of handsome, had soft blue eyes, and a dazzling smile, but she was there for a potential new understanding of the creative process, nothing more.

Not that there would've been anything wrong with going for both, of course.

She looked at the note once more to make sure she was at the right park. Luka's handwriting was unique and identifiable as his: not wild, but not "standard" either, while still being totally readable. It made sense for someone who had to write a lot.

After triple-checking to be certain, she stepped out onto the smooth walkway leading in, looking around for the fluffy black-and-blue hair she'd met only a week ago. There were some couples with little picnics set out that she couldn't help feeling jealous of, but she tried to ignore them.

She heard Luka before she actually saw him, which was a weird thought. A quick set of notes from a guitar had made her turn, spotting him sitting on a bench in the pleasant shade of some trees and waving at her.

She smiled, waving back and walking over to him. "Hey, Luka! How—" She stopped in place, catching herself before she could properly ask him. She raised the cellophane bag in her hands to her mouth, biting into the side to both free her hands and keep herself quiet, then made a flurry of hand movements to ask how he was doing.

He blinked rapidly in surprise, then gently rested the neck of his guitar on the bench so he could sign in return. His gestures were more natural than hers - had she been signing to herself, it might as well have been the language of aliens - so she could easily tell what he was asking.

"Yff—" She brought her hand back up to pull the bag out from her mouth, then answered proudly, "Yes, I learned a little bit over the weekend!" She waved her free hand from side-to-side like she was casting a spell, despite the sheepish look on her face. "I might've forgotten how to sign 'yes', but I knew what you were signing! That's something, right?"

The dazzling smile that she remembered, showing just a little bit of teeth but not too much, had returned. Luka nodded at her, pulling out a notepad and pencil from his pocket to write while she got herself settled in. He'd already left enough room on the bench for her to sit, so she took up the empty space and got comfortable.

He went to hand her his notepad, but she lifted up the cellophane bag first, giving it a shake to show off the assortment of macarons, cookies, and candies inside. "Here! Trade me."

He visibly perked at the offer, their fingers brushing as he took it from her.

She only realized what she'd done when his notepad was already in her hand, hurrying to say, "Oh! I put that in my mouth without thinking, didn't I? You don't have to—"

He'd already loosened the string so he could open it, grabbing one of the candies and unwrapping it before popping it into his mouth. He'd clearly heard her, but it was quickest to eat one to prove his point rather than tell her it was fine.

Plus, she had one of his forms of communications in her hands, so that had been out. She looked down to read what he'd written.

You didn't have to dress up for this, but you look nice. I hope this is enough shade for you.

She blushed at the first line. It was one thing to be complimented verbally, but in writing, she could read it over and over again. She checked Luka's reaction to see if he had any regrets about it, but he was cool as a cucumber, chewing on the candy she'd given him whilst getting the guitar back in his hands.

The second line was more confusing to where she had to actively dig through her memories to think of what it could be referring to. She did recall sitting down with him after the chaos had settled down, having some juice together, and her rambling unnecessarily long about everything from her job to—

"Wait—" she began in realization, "was this all because I complained about how hot it was that day?! That was one thing in all the nonsense I was talking about!"

He shrugged, smiling innocently and holding his hand out for his notepad. She pouted, feeling like he was being unfair with how sweet he was to someone he'd barely just met, but relented and gave it up to him. She just couldn't quite believe it, having felt so bad for how chatty she'd been with him, but he'd apparently paid attention to every word of it.

She wasn't sure if that was more or less embarrassing than being ignored the whole time.

"O-okay, so..." She looked down sheepishly at his guitar, trying to change the topic as casually as possible. "How are we going to do this? You showing me how you talk with music?"

One hand still holding the guitar's neck, he flipped through the pages of his notepad with the other. He showed her a pre-prepared page with his answer, which stated:

I'll play something for you. You don't have to do anything but listen and imagine a story in your mind.

A story? What kind of story? She wanted to ask, but knew that she wouldn't get a response.

Squinting at him, still skeptical, she gave into the request and closed her eyes. "Alright. Ready when you are."

There were a few small, short notes at first - either Luka warming up or being genuinely nervous to start - but then an actual melody began to develop. She shut her eyes tighter, like it might ruin everything if she looked, and her nose scrunched up as she tried to focus on what he was playing and the instructions he'd given.

It sounded... regal? No, adventurous? Maybe both? It reminded her of movies that she would watch as a child, where a knight would go off somewhere for the sake of a princess. The music would get more dramatic as the knight was surrounded by dangers, then victorious as he triumphed. She caught herself smiling over this imaginary character she'd literally made up in her head, returning to the princess and receiving a favor from her for his efforts. It really was like a film, but shortened to a few minutes long and somehow familiar to her.

Her eyelids popped back open when the music ended, then blinked to readjust to her surroundings. Luka was staring at her curiously, the hand that'd been strumming resting more casually on his guitar as he waited.

"Erm..." She trapped her chin, slightly anxious and feeling like she was being quizzed. There weren't any real stakes involved, but what if she failed? "I... thought about a knight? He met and saved a princess, and she gave him her thanks? Maybe she even offered him something for it?"

The actual image in her head was more vivid than she let on, but it was difficult describing it when she figured that it could've been her overactive imagination.

Not missing a beat, Luka shot her a smile and flipped a page in his notepad to present to her. No way.

That's us, on the day we met.

Her mouth dropped open. She got it right? But then... "Uh—! So I'm the knight?! You're joking!"

Not that Luka wouldn't have made a pretty princess though. If he had just the right dress that accentuated—

She shook her head, trying to focus on the matter at hand. He, meanwhile, was unphased by the mental struggle she was having and flipped another page.

You were so cool. I've been trying to figure out how to say it all week.

"It wasn't a big deal!" she insisted, flushing pink. "They were judging you because of your looks and how 'quiet' you were, so I—you know—"

She made a few wild gestures that in no way resembled sign language but she hoped would convey the full dismissal of whatever he'd apparently been imagining their first meeting to be like. Worse still was that what he'd written implied that he'd been working on that melody all week in order to have it ready for her, and she knew what it was like to pour one's creativity into something.

He meant it and she'd heard as much.

Dropping her hands into her lap shyly, she had to relent, "But... I guess I get what you mean now, about saying things with music instead of words, even if I feel like your notepad should be confiscated."

Amused, he smirked, purposefully holding the notepad to the side furthest from her, out of her reach as she teasingly swiped at it. Using only the tilt of his head and look in his eyes, he asked her a playful 'why?'

"Why? I—" she began, then stopped when she needed to actually think about it. One disadvantage to not being mute like him was that she wasn't required to think before saying anything, such as how Luka needed to take the time to write out a full thought and read it before showing her.

Clearing her throat, she started over, "I can't believe you had fun last week? I mean, I guess it made sense if you invited me here, but I thought it was just from me helping you a little! Since we were there for a whole hour and I felt so bad because—" She realized what she was about to say, but it was too late to stop it. "—I was doing all the talking!"

Luka laughed outright at that, and the only thing keeping her from crawling under the bench and wishing for death was that it was actually pretty cute. He had a breathy sort of laugh, making it more quiet than a typical one but somehow incredibly charming.

Marinette leaned forward and rested her elbows on her lap, clasping her hands together in front of her mouth as her lips tried to both smile at him and grimace at herself at the same time. The fact that he hadn't fled at her flubs was a relief but also utterly perplexing.

She dared a peek over at Luka, who'd finished laughing and was trying to write something. It was taking him longer than usual and she noticed a little twitch in his brow, a contrast to what had otherwise been him being totally calm the whole time. Eventually, he tore the page out, scrunched it up, and stuffed it in his pocket, opting to put his hands on his guitar instead.

Marinette grew curious when his fingers twitched without playing any actual melody. He did start, but stopped, then started and stopped again, biting his lower lip in contemplation. Hand motions were also useless without a full understanding of sign language on her part.

He ended up settling on the notepad again, this time being unexpectedly quick in writing something. She hadn't realized how much suspense she was in until he presented it to her, her hands practically snatching it from him to read it.

You make me feel speechless, Marinette.

She blushed all the way up to her ears, speechless herself. She could excuse being told that she looked nice as some casual remark or pleasantry, the music as his only way of teaching her what she'd asked about, and not being put off by her constant talking as him being extremely polite, but this—

Was he flirting with her? There was a mild possibility of it being a joke at his own muteness, but when she checked his expression, he was watching her with a half-lidded gaze without any sense of playfulness. If anything, she could've sworn she saw a hint of shyness. Had he never put himself out there for someone before?

"You—" She looked at the notepad again, forcing herself to relax her grip before she wrinkled the pages. "You make me feel... um, speechful? I've never talked so much to someone I just met." She ducked her head. "You look nice too, by the way."

That was all she could really manage without feeling silly. Her experience with relationships was laughably limited and she didn't know how to flirt back or assure him that his flirting wasn't unwelcome. She just knew that he was thoughtful, adorable, and sweet, and that every time she glanced at his mouth a little too long, she'd catch herself thinking about other things it must have time for if he couldn't use it to talk.

She became alert as she felt a tug on the notepad - Luka having reached over to take it back - but she impulsively resisted, blurting out, "C-can I have this? The note I mean, not the notepad!"

He grinned, any of the previous nerves she thought she'd seen before gone as he nodded. The notepad slipped easily out of her hands this time, him far more careful tearing the note off than the other paper he'd scrunched up, and he wrote something extra before handing it off to her.

You can have more than that.

Underneath the line he'd written was his phone number, a rush of heat and relief going through Marinette at the confirmation that she wasn't the only one who wanted to meet up more. Whether Luka's directness was from the inability to speak or simply part of his character, she wanted someone like that; no misunderstandings, just his honest feelings.

She wasn't quite sure what she'd gotten herself into in the long term but, going off the matching pink on Luka's cheeks, she was sure that it was a good thing.

[dreamwreaver]

I completely agree, Vaggie and Charlie are really each other's antithesis and it's executed BADLY. The show doesn't do anything meaningful with their differences, if anything, it makes it starker. Their communication is terrible, they are not at all in sync with each other's needs and the only time they ever got actual development was when they separated to seek help for the battle with the exorcist, in which, they had more chemistry with their respective mentors than they ever had with each other (I honestly ship Vaggie and Carmilla a little after their spar, like come on, one time Carmilla lets her hair down, an act of vulnerability in some cultures, was with Vaggie and Vaggie also got her wings back after that fight too. Not to mention, they had a whole ass song together despite not meeting yet before the Chaggie song and has plus points for being original unlike Chaggie's song so Vamilla/Battleangel is a decent ship for me.)

Vaggie may say that she'll do anything for Charlie but she sure as hell won't let Charlie sing and have a deal with the same guy she had a deal back in episode 1. She also seems to forgot that her girlfriend is a grown-ass woman who can thrive on without her while she can't because she thinks she's worth nothing without Charlie. It's sad, really.

I'm honestly curious on what you'd discuss further on how Vaggie would have never let Charlie in but Charlie didn't think to knock, can you please share?

Ngl, while it's not an s-tier ship for me because I do adore zestmilla, battle angel is indeed an underrated pairing and tbh? At the very least Vaggie deserved to have an obsessive lesbian crush on Carmilla. I know it was allegedly planned for her to have an obsession with weapons and it got cut for time or other reasons. Whatever, more stripping of Vaggie's character and turning her into a bland nonentity so she doesn't compete for attention with literally everyone else.

As for your question; I would like to refer back to Charlie's rant at Alastor during their cannibal town date. No I will not be taking arguments on that, that's precisely what it was.

"Three years, three YEARS I've been sharing my life with her and I tell her EVERYTHING! My hopes, my dreams, my insecurities, my embarrassing habits, what fucking DEODORANT I like! And she keeps something, like THIS from ME! Why would she lie for so long? Did she think I wouldn't accept her? What about me, ME, says un-understanding?"

And if you watch her body language during this whole rant it's less emotional hurt and more... ego hurt? Like, this whole upset has gone from "the person I love and trust more than anything has been lying to me about who they are," to, "I share everything about myself with her and should have been entitled to this information."

And yeah, I get it, she was made to look incredibly stupid in front of a heavenly council right before being blasted back to Hell with an entire exorcist army aimed right at her front door. Anyone might be justifiably upset that such important info was kept from them. But as Carmilla literally says not ten minutes later, "You have a giant X over your eye and wield an angelic spear, it's not rocket science."

So Carmilla was able to take literally ONE look at Vaggie and clock her origins? Going further, depending on how you interpret Lucifer's gaze in Dad Beat Dad upon meeting Vaggie it's entirely possible HE clocked her as angelic too. And yet, the person who spends the most time around her somehow couldn't connect those dots? Charlie's optimistic but she's not dumb. She's got a naive understanding of sinners and how best to incite change but to miss something like THAT? I don't buy that Vaggie would have been able to keep that secret so easily if Charlie had been paying as much attention to her partner as any good and healthy relationship should.

But let's backtrack a bit. The notion that Vaggie's off emotionally is established all the way back in episode 3. Remember when Charlie's trying to get the others psyched about trust exercises and Vaggie shows a considerable lack of enthusiasm? What was the first thing out of Charlie's mouth after that? Is it, "hey you seem like you've got something on your mind; are you okay?"

Nope! It's a very embarrassed/annoyed, "Vaggie, we rehearsed this!"

After which she proceeds to blindside Vaggie with the news that she's the one who's going to be leading the trust unit that day. Wow, for all they rehearsed this pitch Vaggie sure seems left out of the loop on it doesn't she? When Vaggie tries to explain without explaining that she's neither qualified nor comfortable about this decision does Charlie say, "well okay then, but if you change your mind just let me know,"? Wrong again! She just says, "It's easy I'm sure you can handle this."

And again, Vaggie is both unprepared and uncomfortable and also unable to say no to Charlie so she defaults into her military training and starts speaking to them like a commanding officer would to their troops. And I don't blame her for that, we tend to fall back on emulating behavior we've seen when we don't know how to cope with something. When trust falls don't work, Charlie tries to retake control but Vaggie puts on a brave face and says she has it when she clearly doesn't. As chaotic shenanigans ensue Vaggie grows more and more desperate but somehow it isn't until she's literally chucking people off a roof that Charlie figures this has gone too far. Not to mention she's incredibly surprised that COMBAT is how Vaggie learned to trust people. Forgive me if I'm wrong but you've been her partner for three years by later admission and you DIDNT know she came from a military background?

Not to mention Vaggie spells it all out in black and white, "I took charge today and it all went sideways. I'm supposed to make your dreams a reality. I'm supposed to protect you. I'm supposed to never fail you" followed by, "If I can't help you, what's the point of me?"

Vaggie has serious issues with self worth, demonstrated here. And while I get Charlie is trying to respect boundaries to a certain point I cannot imagine that were I in her shoes I would leave my partner thinking that if they couldn't be useful they shouldn't be with me. And while to her credit Charlie does apologize, it feels a little pointless when the very next episode she's back to just ignoring what Vaggie says. Even then, that apology doesn't do much to address the real root of the issue. They work as a team? When and where is that EVER demonstrated? It's not a reassurance that Vaggie doesn't NEED to have some demonstrable use for Charlie to want to be with her. And even if it was Vaggie has already struck at the heart of their problem; she wants to be Charlie's armor AND her partner, but those positions cannot work in tandem. Because wanting to be someone's armor assumes they need protecting, and again I state, Charlie is a grown ass woman and one of the most powerful beings in all of hell. She was smart enough to avoid making a deal with Alastor in the pilot, why does Vaggie assume that Charlie NEEDS protecting? And a partner infers a level of equality that just isn't demonstrated in what we see of their relationship. There is no give and take with them supporting each other equally. It's vaggie either trying to draw blood from a stone to meet Charlie's unrealistic expectations, or Vaggie telling Charlie to alter core elements of her personality to appease her own subjects. And on the flip side; where does Charlie support Vaggie in anything resembling the way Vaggie supports Charlie?

Charlie pushed for Vaggie to come to Heaven with her because that was what SHE wanted. Even when Vaggie expressed her reluctance to go Charlie pushed and Vaggie folded even as she knew what ended up happening was a very real possibility. Why?

For all his bloodthirsty nature Alastor knows the political game way better than Vaggie does. Vaggie couldn't keep her shit together when Emily was just holding Charlie's hands and being friendly. That's not the type of partner a political figure should have, and whether she likes it or not as princess of hell Charlie's interwoven with the politics of hell. Being power hungry means Alastor has the genuine best advice for Charlie when it comes to handling bigwigs like the angels. And he's someone with an actual business interest in the hotel. Imagine someone asking him why he helps when he doesn't believe in redemption; and he tells them it's because he believes in Charlie. You don't hand someone the source of most of your power so easily if you do not have a sincere and earnest level of trust in them. And yet Al does it willingly, more than once.

I want to say that I don't hate Charlie or Vaggie. I just don't think they work well as a pairing because Vaggie gives too much and Charlie's more concerned with her people than her partner. And the lack of communication between the two of them is a real issue. Again, Vaggie might never have let Charlie in, but Charlie never thought to knock. She never thought to ask about Vaggie in any way that would suggest the sort of deep emotional love that the show so desperately wants us to believe they have.

And on some level, I think a good portion of the fandom feels it too. Seriously, run the numbers some time on just AO3; filter for the Chaggie tag, and then take out every other ship that those stories are actually about. The chaggie tag is filled with stories that are about someone else's relationship because beneath the surface there's nothing there.

[ichtios]

10.11.2024

Today I wanna tell you a little bit about my church in case anyone is interested, also to make you realize how small it is.

So I belong to pentecostal church, and my congregation rents a place in this building, only the part of the ground floor. You can tell that there's some church at all here by this small banner on the right side (the big one belongs to a car detailing company which owns a workshop on the left).

The members of my congregation are:

me

pastor and his wife and daughter (exactly my age)

one Polish family, mother of 2 little children, she is younger than me, and her husband (I'm not sure about his age)

1 Ukrainian family with like 9 kids (fled from war, pastor made a huge effort to bring them here right before war, and God told him to do it even before there was a war in sight, that's why they managed to fled on time)

1 Belarusian family, with 2 girls (fled from repressions in Belarus)

1 guy who used to be a criminal, robber, now 100% for Jesus. Has a family but only he belongs to us

older lady with his husband

a few other older ladies

middle aged man, "church elder" (pastors aid)

another middle aged man, also church elder and his wife

another middle aged man, Ukrainian, also kind of pastors aid

I'm not sure if I missed someone... there used to be a big Georgian family but they moved, and a Georgian guy, but I don't see him often lately. I may missed few people, but that's basically it.

So you can see it is a small church, but very family-like, pastor is very father-like and he and his wife care for me more than my parents ever did, on the emotional/spiritual/mental level if you know what I mean. Sometimes I got teary when I think how good they are to me. We don't agree in every theological matter, but I appreciate them a lot.

[hellaverseconfessions1369420]

Long confession ahead, apologies in advance.

Look, I don't get heated about shipping. I like what I like, and I look at things I like. If I don't like whatever someone is posting, I'll filter the tags, and if they aren't using the tags appropriately, I will block them. It's fairly easy for me to avoid ships I personally dislike most of the time. I do all of the things I'm supposed to, and yet I'm still having this problem.

There is one singular ship on God's green earth that kills all of my enjoyment for both of the characters involved, and it is radioapple. I have never felt such strong emotions about any other ship before in any of the fandoms I'm part of. It's fucking everywhere. I genuinely cannot use this website if I want to see Lucifer or Alastor fanart/fanfic, and I'm not moving sites.

But God. I'm so fucking sick and tired of seeing "this post contains filtered content: #radioapple." When S1 first came out, I counted 37 blocked posts in a row on top of #Alastor on one given day. I had to scroll through 37 blocked fucking posts before I found ONE that wasn't about fucking radioapple. And that isn't counting all the OTHER Alastor ships, because of course that's all anyone gives a shit about anymore.

I'm on mobile, so I can't use browser extensions to make Tumblr's filtering system actually do what I want it to (delete every radioapple post, forever). I also don't feel like buying a laptop for fucking Tumblr. I've been getting back into HH after falling out of it for a while for related reasons, and I forgot how much angrier and more unhappy I am coming out of #Alastor or (to a lesser extent) #Lucifer than when I went in. Which is super awesome considering they're my two faves.

I wish I was kidding when I say I have actually cried real tears more than once over this. I'm aroace, and I thought maybe for once I'd get to feel at least a little bit included and represented in fandom as a whole. I thought having a canon aroace character would be that for me, at least one tag I could semi-comfortably browse and feel like I'm actually part of shit and not a spectator for once, but obviously not. I don't even get to look at fanart of a character I enjoy without being constantly reminded of how different and alone I am, even when that character is different in exactly the same way as me. Even characters like Alastor that are written to be like me aren't written for me. Because why would anyone create anything for someone like me to enjoy when they could instead jam a little more sex and romance in there?

I once scrolled through #Alastor blocking all the radioapple posters for so long that I reached the bottom of the page. Tumblr would not show me any more posts and I had to reload it. I blocked 209 different blogs, and it barely made a dent. 209. I can't curate my way out of this. I genuinely think I just don't get to like those characters anymore, and it fucking sucks. I want my deer man back.

TL;DR: I cannot enjoy these characters I deeply relate to with how prevalent and fucking inescapable this one ship is, and I'm not sure how to fix it. Frankly I'm not sure it's fixable, but I would love it if this wasn't something else I just don't get to have like everyone else. Someone tell me what to do about this. I want to have fun too.

I understand why you would think that. I’m probably aroaceflux and I can see some alastor in me (aroacewise, not serial killer wise) and why you wouldn’t want to see the ships you don’t like. Unfortunately that’s how many fandoms work, they’ll just keep shipping.

to be honest, I don’t know what to say, but thanks for the confession and I hope things get better for you

[dogearedheart]

please don't be done with being human. please become one with the prairie as a human with the legs to feel the blades as you lay in the grass. with the nose to smell the wildflower and earth. with the ears to hear the distant river meandering through. with the hands to run through the reeds, and to hold tight onto a horse's reigns. with the eyes to close in the sun, still shining black and orange and yellow through your eyelids. and finally, with the skin to feel the warmth on your skin. this experience is unique to being alive. hope is unique to being human.

oh fuck, man. you can't just come into my inbox and eave this here, expecting me to be all nonchalant about it! this is just... yeah, thank you for this, anon!

[theokusgallery]

The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first

[set-wingedwarrior]

I know it happens often to see writers during a long fic to complain at some point about the first chapters because they got better in the meantime and they look bad to them now.

But this is the first time where I saw this happened when the writing actually got worse

[wren-kitchens]

kinda venty/rant thing in tags cause im embarassed by it and dont wanna put it in a post HDJSK

[mr-ribbit]

not to keep harping on this but if you HATE shaving your body or any other part of your "beauty routine": stop doing it. just stop doing it, at least for a little while (maybe when you don't have a lot going on if that helps) and HONESTLY gauge how it makes you feel. is this feeling better or worse than the amount of time, stress, and money the routine takes? do YOU actually prefer how you looked before, or are you only worried about what others think? if you stopped doing the routine forever, could you find other ways to feel better about yourself with that energy?

when I was like 19 and the idea of not shaving my legs anymore first occurred to me (bc I had a Cool Progressive Boyfriend that Didn't Care) i just stopped and it was immediately like... a quantifiably large chunk of unnecessary anxiety just sloughed off my life forever. instantaneously I got rid a bunch of effort and stress I had been accepting as normal, and replaced it with more time to do what actually made me feel 'ready' in the morning, like hygiene, coffee, preparing for my activities etc.

and i DONT feel self conscious about body hair personally but even if I did, no amount of shame over hair could outweigh how much easier my life is. not just bc 'shaving annoying' or 'long showers' or whatever, but like. yeah I don't waste as much time getting ready anymore, and I also don't have to realize last minute before some leg-showing event that im unfit for display and have a whole self-esteem plummeting anxiety attack about whether I should rush it unsafely and risk being late, cut up, and stressed out before the event, or go With Hair and feel judged the whole time. i don't have to go through any of those emotions and when anyone does comment on my hair rudely, im in a much healthier place to deal with it and tell them to fuck off rather than validate THEIR fucked up standards by feeling bad.

once I realized I didn't give a shit and neither did anyone I cared about, it also gave me the freedom to cut out a bunch of other shit I was only doing (or Thinking I Should) bc it was what girls Have To Do to be presentable. fuck shaving fuck waxing fuck eyebrow shaping fuck concealer fuck multi step skincare fuck shapewear fuck lip fillers fuck contouring fuck teeth whitening fuck all of it, you do not need to change ANYTHING about how you look Every Single Day.

for those of you about to say "but I like being shaven/wearing makeup/literally pulling hair out of my face painfully every day etc etc etc":

have fun and mod your avatar all you want but for gods sake if you hate it and complain about how long it takes and all the stuff you "have" to buy or do just to "get ready" - you do not have to. you're not just having fun. you are not getting Ready, you are making your mood and experience worse for yourself, which is going to make you feel unready and unprepared for actually being yourself comfortably.

[holybibly]

𝔇𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔱𝔬 𝔦𝔪𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔰 | Seonghwa x reader

Pairing: CEO Seonghwa x reader Summary: It was definitely a bad idea to tease Seonghwa, but you always loved a good challenge. Your CEO's personality has always been sweet and gentle, but will he act the same when you're dressed to impress him? Genre / Au / Trope : Smut, Office!AU Rating: 18+ / 21+ / MDNI Word count: 10.2k Warnings: dom!Seonghwa, sub!reader, unprotected sex, fingering, degrading, pet names, size kink, pussy slapping, dirty talk, explicit sexual content, explicit language, oral, overstimulation, double penetration, manhandling, multiple orgasms, сreampie, rough sex, rough oral, power play, praise kink, anal fingering, anal play, explicit sexual content, explicit language, squirting, creampie, and more.

net: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity @newworldnet A|N: I finally got into the office!au. I hope you were all looking forward to this bunny? Before my little holiday, I came to spoil and corrupt you, my beloved. Enjoy the spicy my sugar babies ℌ𝔬𝔩𝔶 𝔅𝔲𝔫𝔫𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝔗𝔞𝔤 𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱 ❣ Part I @tiny-apocalypse @captain-joongz @alicedawitchbish @woohwababes @wlv-asteria @wisejudgedragonhairdo @mingisprincesss @lavishloving @teagietots @spooo00oky @sousydive @hwapou @bunnliix @softwsan @mjyungi @fantasy2wonderland @noirsfantasy @cassies-cookies @renaholicss @luffypants @hyukssunflower @watermelon2319 @peachygiku @bunnyxoxodarling @stolasisyourparent @soranosnowbunny @certifiedmoa @sanglix @slvtiny @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad @hecateslittlewitchling @xxawl @pastellbunno @starlletsblog @seonghwasstar @hwanring @vtyb23 @pearltinyy @minjaeum @chasevixx @bomi-ja @onedumbho3 @sanglix @cursedeastern @itza-meee @pinkies-things @atinism @mxnsxngie @nenefix-on @therealcuppicake @annafeebou @sharksandminhos @@lixies-pixieboy @@vampzity @0rangemilk @yellow-foxxing @claimmeyourprincess

ℌ𝔬𝔩𝔶 𝔅𝔲𝔫𝔫𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝔗𝔞𝔤 𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱 ❣ Part II @unholywriters @hey-syia @hrts4nohee @vnessalau @mlink64 @tessakleine @fr34k4c1dr41n @313hwa @lilyuwon @tiziamattaga @un-knew @wiaxul @siyah-staryis @seonghwasbbgirl @mingisfavgf @bunnyluvr25 @roserperfume @lose-lose07 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @lelaleleb @bubblebisk @silverlight-h @ chloe-elise-2000

" Y/N." Sumin turns to you and leans closer conspiratorially. "Have you already met Seonghwa today?" You nod in the affirmative to her words, and she continues to speak, lowering her voice to a whisper so that only you will be able to hear her. "I don't know what made him so mad today, but damned if I can complain, Seonghwa looks so damn hot and fuckable when he's mad. I'm ashamed to admit it, but he's making me so wet right now." You pressed your plump, shiny lips together in irritation, but even so, you didn't deny what she had said. It was absolutely true that the CEO of your company looked unacceptably hot when he was angry, and it was nothing new that the female half of your office had to change her underwear several times a day when Seonghwa was in a bad mood. There was something inexplicably arousing about the way he would scold you or torture you in silence with his dark, bottomless gaze that made you squirm in your seat. God, this man could really screw you properly without even touching you. 

But today you could tell the exact reason for his anger and his passive-aggressiveness towards others; you just didn't want to tell Sumin about it. 

Since the morning, Seonghwa's mood had been darker than a storm cloud, and it was a bad omen for anyone who had the temerity to approach him. That's why everyone in the office avoided your stunningly handsome CEO. Everyone tried to keep out of his sight. Everyone except you, of course. You craved his attention, perhaps a little too much for your own good, and so you weren't afraid to use any means necessary to get it. 

As soon as the soles of his perfectly polished designer shoes crossed the threshold of the office this morning, the change of emotion on Seonghwa's gorgeous face was almost instantaneous. His typically sweet, radiant smile that usually adorned his plump, sensual lips faded, replaced by a grimace of pure displeasure, and his slanted, feline eyes narrowed and darkened dangerously as he saw you at the reception desk. You could practically feel his burning gaze creeping up your legs, stopping at the hem of your skirt, or rather the hem of your inappropriately short and tight skirt, which barely covered your plump buttocks but somehow, inexplicably, still fit within the classic office dress code. As a result, you were able to pinpoint the exact reason for the embittered and irritated behaviour of your boss today. The man simply couldn't stand your attractiveness.

" Y/N!" Speak of the devil. Seonghwa's deep, velvety voice brings you back to reality, and you can't help but notice that Sumin is clenching her thighs even tighter at the sharp, metallic notes in your CEO's usually honey-warm tone. An uncomfortable scarlet blush spreads across her cheeks, and she lowers her face in an unsuccessful attempt to hide the embarrassment mixed with excitement she is feeling. You're not really sure whether to feel sympathy or annoyance for her right now, but you decide to leave it for later. Instead, you turn your full attention to Seonghwa, turning your head in his direction and looking up at him with a completely innocent expression on your pretty face.

Oh, he's pissed—pissed as hell, to be precise—judging by the way his pink plush lips are pouted angrily and his gorgeous feline eyes are literally fixed on your figure, making your skin tingle. God, he's so damn hot. Just the way he looks at you sends shivers of excitement down your spine and makes your panties all sticky and wet. You push yourself lightly off of Sumin's desk, straighten up completely, and adjust the hem of your tiny skirt back up as you give him a sweet, almost shy smile. 

"Mr. Park, is there something you need my help with?" You ask with as much innocence in your voice as you can muster, tilting your head to the side in a lovely way and looking up at him through your long, fluffy eyelashes.

Seonghwa almost has to physically stop himself from saying, "Yes, baby, I need your help with my hard-on. I want to see how your pretty mouth is wrapped around my cock while you are fingering yourself when you are kneeling in front of  me."

But instead, he clears his throat a couple of times in an awkward manner and speaks: 

"Yes, I'd like to have a word with you in my office alone. Now." He suddenly turns on his heels and walks into his spacious, modern office, not even bothering to wait for you, knowing full well that you'll obediently follow him. Your gaze is fixed on his back. Even from your seat, you can see how tense his muscles are and how tight his perfectly white designer shirt is around his shoulders. The silky, expensive material ripples with his movements, drawing attention to his slim, slutty waist and narrow hips. The black fabric of his classic trousers is a perfect accent to the bulge of his bottom. Looking at Seonghwa, you can't help but think that it's completely unfair that he's so gorgeous. How are you supposed to concentrate on doing your job well when your boss looks like a five-course meal?

Seonghwa turns to face you and points to one of the leather chairs in front of his desk. You don't need to be told twice, and you take the upholstered seat with a slight, teasing smile on your face. Your posture is completely relaxed as you cross your legs over each other without breaking eye contact with your boss. This movement gives Seonghwa a stunning view of your thighs as your already short skirt rises even higher. You wiggle your foot in a playful manner, which probably makes him even more angry; the exquisite high-heeled lacquer shoe glistens in the artificial light of the lamps. 

Seonghwa takes a deep breath, trying to control his emotions, and hisses angrily through his teeth when he realises it's harder than it looks. It takes all of his self-control not to grab you by the hair and pull you in for a deep, dirty kiss until your lungs start to burn from the lack of oxygen in your body. And your disgustingly seductive red lipstick will not be smeared all over your face and, preferably, all over his dick too.

Inwardly, you're rejoicing; you can already taste the sweet taste of your own victory, your pride spilling over your chest as he focuses on you intensely. You and Seonghwa have been cat and mouse for a long time, and today you want nothing more in mind than to be eaten by this predatory, beautiful cat.

You've always had an interest in Park Seonghwa. How could you not be when Seonghwa is exactly what you've always been looking for—the perfect balance between wicked sexuality and sugar-sweet tenderness? He could be daddy, he could be mommy, he does both. Gorgeous from top to toe, with those incredible, hypnotic siren eyes, those high cheekbones, and those overly plump, unbelievably pink lips, Seonghwa was gorgeous. And he knew it. 

Lately, your sexual attraction to Seonghwa had become almost physical, and you were finding it more and more difficult to control it. Of course, it was all his fault. As one of Seonghwa's three secretaries, you used to spend a lot of time alone with him, and you would stay at work longer than usual until Seonghwa would deign to let you go home. It was almost tantamount to being tortured—undeniably exquisite, but tortured nonetheless. 

The long hours you spent with him, working late into the night. When he was completely relaxed and calm, he gave you the chance to enjoy his softer, more sensual side.

God, Seonghwa was a treat for your inflamed eyes: his long, silky hair slightly tousled, his thin, stylishly rimmed glasses pushed aside, the tie loosened around his long, seductive neck, and the top few buttons of his shirt undone, giving you tantalising glimpses of his golden, smooth skin and sharp collarbones. In all seriousness, how could you possibly resist that? Especially when he bit down on his plump lower lip, sinking his teeth into it until the plush, soft flesh reddened to a plush, tender blush as he concentrated on reviewing the documents. Or the way he ran a long, wet tongue over his lips, and hell, you wanted him to run it over your lips or, better yet, your pussy. You couldn't tell if he was deliberately teasing you or if it was just a habit—a bloody lewd sexual habit, you had to say—but you couldn't leave it unanswered. 

So, what did you do about it? Well, you teased him back, of course. Every action you took was deliberate, whether it was the light touch of your fingers casually sliding down his arm or the way you always leaned a little more than decently towards him, giving him a glimpse of your gorgeous, plump breasts held up by a lace bra, before pulling away with the most innocent expression on your face, as if you weren't the one who just shoved your tits in his face. But Seonghwa, damn it, continued to pretend to be completely unaware of how you were behaving and your blatant innuendos, which only provoked you to try something more daring.

You began to sit on the edge of his desk every time you spoke, drawing attention to your feet or leaning incredibly close to him so that the softness of your breasts pressed against his shoulder. However, Seonghwa continued to ignore you in a studious manner, and you decided that you needed to do something to really spur him into action.

So today you wore your most daring and vulgar skirt: tight enough to accentuate the curve of your hips and ass in the most delicious way and short enough so that with every move you made, he could see the tops of your stockings held up by the buckles of your garters. Coupled with high stiletto heels that made your legs appear to be longer, you knew it was a deadly combination that no man would be able to resist. You were dressed to impress, and as this morning showed, you were definitely on the mark.

After Seonghwa's sighting of you this morning, you were a provocation to him the whole day long. Whether it was bending over—a little lower than was really needed—giving him a stunning view of your stockings and even your lace panties. Or paying excessive attention to the other men in the office, accompanied by an endless stream of praise and light, playful touches. All the while, you could feel his anger growing more and more obvious with each passing second and his gaze growing harder and darker with each and every teasing move you made.

But what really broke Seonghwa's resolve was how invitingly you bent over for him—arching your back and protruding buttocks as you leaned over Sumin's desk when you brought her the papers to sign. Your whole posture screamed, "Fuck me," which is pretty much what you had in mind. And that was how you ended up here in his office. 

Seonghwa leans on the edge of his desk, his entire body tensed, and you can literally see the dark aura emanating from him as his gorgeous feline eyes take you in for a second before he shifts his gaze to the open blinds in the office, which allowed all employees to see what was going on in your CEO's office. 

The muscles in his jaw twitch as he clenches his teeth, no doubt in contemplation of what his next move should be. In contrast to him, you are sitting comfortably in your chair, fidgeting from time to time in the padded seat as the heat between your thighs begins to build to an uncomfortable level. The longer you're near Seonghwa, the wetter you get. A sharp shiver of anticipation runs down your spine. 

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Seonghwa's hiss finally breaks the silence between you. You raise an eyebrow at his words, your eyes wide and completely innocent as you stare back at him with a fake look of confusion.   "What do you mean, Mr. Park? I don't do anything." You answer him. Your voice drips with honey, and you flutter your long eyelashes innocently, sinking your teeth into your plump lower lip. Seonghwa breathes out hoarsely, covers his eyes for a second, and you can see him clutching the edge of the table, trying to control himself. The knuckles of his long, beautiful fingers are white with restrained aggression, and, to be honest with you, for a second, you wonder just how much force he could use to squeeze your throat as he drives his undeniably awesome cock into you. Damn it, you want him to fucking destroy you. 

"Y/N, don't play innocent; it doesn't suit you. You know exactly what I mean." Seonghwa's voice is full of displeasure and hissing sounds. This deep, rough tone of voice only makes your pussy clench even more tightly. You can literally feel the silky walls of your vagina tightening around nothing. Fuck, you're so wet right now that you're sure you'll leave a big wet stain of your arousal on his expensive leather chair if you stay sitting like this. 

"Okay, you've got me, Mr. Park. But I have a feeling you have a pretty good idea of what my intentions are, don't you, Seonghwa?" A smug smile spreads across your ruby-red lips and replaces the expression of sweet, fake innocence on your face. Leaning further back in your chair, you shift the position of your legs, allowing them to spread slightly, just enough for Songhwa's gaze to focus on the small slit between your thighs. Unable to control himself any longer, he lets out a low growl, and you smile back at him victoriously. 

"Close jalousie." Seonghwa orders you, and you almost tremble at the amount of power that sounds in his voice. When he looks into your eyes, the look in his dark, feline eyes promises you the most vicious of pleasures. But you can also see a devilish glow in them that doesn't bode well for you. And you have a strange urge to push him further to the edge of his wickedness and malice. You may be poking the tiger with a stick, but what could be more sexy than Park Seonghwa, who is mad as hell?

You slowly rise from your seat and make your way to the glass walls of the office, closing the blinds so that you are completely hidden from any prying eyes. When you have finished, you turn to him and swallow noisily at the realisation of what is about to happen. 

Seonghwa is standing at his desk; his back is perfectly straight, which brings out his stunning proportions and that damn slutty waist of his. He gives you those famous siren eyes that make all the girls in the office fall to their knees. With an elegant movement, Seonghwa beckons you with his fingers like a kitten: "Don't be afraid, my love, come closer. I won't bite you unless you ask me to."

In spite of the lingering excitement in your lower abdomen and the copious amount of moisture that is collecting between your legs, you are suddenly nervous. The cocky bravado of the past is gone as you are confronted with the predatory, dominant side of Seonghwa. As he stands in front of you with his head held high and literally radiating the energy of pure sex and sin, you know that there is absolutely nothing soft and gentle about him at the moment. 

On shaky legs, you slowly make your way towards him until you finally find yourself standing in front of him, just a few centimetres away from him. With a raised hand, Seonghwa wraps his arm around the back of your head and rough pulls you as close to him as he can get you. Your eyes widen as you stumble slightly at the suddenness of his action. The luxurious, thick scent of his perfume invades all of your senses as you  find yourself just a breath away from his stunningly beautiful face. The intoxicating scent of powdery leather makes your head spin and your pulse quicken. 

He smelled wonderful, sweet, spicy, and inexplicable; you'd call it sinful and decadent, like heaven and hell at the same time, and you wanted to dissolve into that scent completely; it was so amazing. And once again, you were convinced that Park Seonghwa was the most perfect man on the face of the earth. You've been completely whipped for him, so much so that it's almost ridiculous.

"Hmm, look at you, my love. Has someone all of a sudden become an obedient, sweet little girl? Where has all your naughtiness gone, Princess? You don't think you're going to get away with all of your antics up to now, do you?" Seonghwa purrs velvety. 

His breath is kissing your lips with every word he says, and the hot sensation is sending goose bumps all over your skin. Your eyelashes flutter in response to his words, and your gaze glides over his soft, sensual lips. Seonghwa grins grimly when he notices your gaze.

"Oh no, my love, I don't think so. Kissing is only for good girls, and you've been behaving very badly. I have to teach you how to act like a princess and not like a whore, don't I, dear?" Seonghwa asks you, pressing harder on the back of your head, and you nod in the affirmative. His plump lips curl into a devilish grin, and his dark eyes flash with a glimmer of hellfire before he suddenly lets go of you and takes a few steps back from you. 

Your knees buckle as you no longer feel the power of his overbearing, burning presence around you, and you almost fall to the floor. Seonghwa sits down regally in his fancy leather chair; his posture is relaxed, but at the same time, you can feel the power and almost animalistic dominance in him. It's so obvious that you've really upset him with your behaviour, and you know for sure that he won't be nice to you now. 

He leans back in the chair and spreads his legs, and you swallow as you notice how tight the fabric of his trousers is around his crotch. His cock is fully hard, and you can see the clear outline of its thick length, causing the saliva in your mouth to begin to collect. You feel so small under the weight of his dark, feline gaze that a pitiful sob escapes from your chest, and you squeeze your thighs tighter, trying in vain to ease your arousal. 

Seonghwa's eyes roam over your form, his gaze gliding over every curve of your body before lingering on your heaving breasts. His tongue slips out of his mouth to lick slowly across his sensual lips, leaving a glistening trail of saliva on his lips. You squirm under his intense gaze, shifting awkwardly from one foot to the other. 

"Take your clothes off." He finally commands you, and you comply. 

Holding your breath, you do as he tells you to. Your fingers tremble slightly as you begin to undo the buttons on your blouse. Seonghwa's eyes darken with lust when more and more of your skin is exposed to his greedy, hungry gaze. 

As the last button is undone, you hurry to throw off the thin material that now only irritates your heated skin where it touches. Seonghwa's mirrored black pupils dilate, engulfing the already dark, glistening irises of his eyes as he sees the sheer lace of your bra encircling your plump, heavy tits—a thin piece of exquisite material that hides absolutely nothing, your pink, swollen nipples perfectly visible to him.

"Aren't you a real slut, daring to come to work in that? You're just a bitch who's aching to be fucked. Now get your skirt off." Seonghwa's voice is full of dominance, and you feel that even more moisture is oozing out of your hole. 

Your hands reach behind your back to undo the zip of your skirt, the material loosening around your waist and starting to slide down your thighs in a smooth motion. With a soft sound, your skirt falls to the floor and spreads out in a puddle of water around your feet. Seonghwa's lips curve into an approving smile as he sees your practically naked body in its entirety. 

His burning gaze stops at the junction of your thighs, his teeth sinking into his lower plump lip as he savours the silky sheen of moisture on your thighs, just above the lace tops of your stockings, and the way the skimpy material of your panties clings to your plump pussy. The lace is digging in between your labia, sticky and wet from the copious amounts of fluid that are leaking out of your hole.

"Fuck. Come here, princess." Seonghwa purrs in a low voice and waves you over to him with one of his long fingers. You slowly approach him until you're standing right in front of him. His hand possessively wraps around your hips, pulling you even closer so that his thigh is between your legs. Seonghwa slides his fingers between your thighs and begins to lazily stroke your warm folds through the lace of your panties. Even through the layer of fabric, the pads of his fingers are coated with sticky, transparent moisture. 

He laughs darkly, a velvety sound full of gloom that fills the stillness of his office.

"God, you're absolutely wet; you're literally dripping, my sweet girl. Have you been naughty in the office and fucking yourself, princess?" Seonghwa asks you as he looks at you from under his thick, fluffy eyelashes.

"N-no!" You stammer before screaming as he squeezes your clit roughly. Suddenly, his fingers are wrapped around the straps of your panties, and then he pulls sharply on them. The sound of the fabric ripping echoes through the room, and the soaked lace falls to the floor in shreds.

"Really? Then what made you?" Seonghwa begins, sliding her fingers between your thighs and touching your wet folds. "Getting all wet?" Your boss finishes, underlining his words with the insertion of two long fingers inside you. They slide in easily, your excitement enveloping his fingers, coating them in a thick glaze, and you let out a loud moan as they do so. Your walls immediately wrap around his fingers in an attempt to keep them inside your pussy.

"It's you, God Seonghwa; it's you. You're making me so damn wet." You whine as he continues to finger you in an excruciatingly slow rhythm, your hips trembling in the tight grip of his other hand. Seonghwa grins as he presses his fingers against the tender walls of your cunt one last time before he pulls his fingers out. 

"No, please, Seonghwa!" You cry out in protest, your hips in pursuit of his fingers. As his palm burns the tender skin of your plump buttocks, the juicy flesh trembling from the force of his spanking, a painful sob escapes your lips.  "Well, look at you; you're already such a fucking mess for me. Where's that teasing little slut who's been shoving her slutty cunt in my face all day? I bet if I fucked you in front of the whole office, you wouldn't mind. Do you think they'd like to see my tongue fucking that flowing, tiny hole of yours, or me pulling that cunt of yours onto my cock until it's stretched all the way around the base?" Seonghwa's hand moves up, squeezing your tit through your bralace. "I have the feeling that I already have this bitch under control, don't I? But don't think that I'm going to forget what you've done before just because you're acting good now. Lie down on the table, my dear; you're going to get punished." He orders it once more before he leans back graciously in his chair. You back away from him, just far enough so that you can hop onto the glass top of his desk with the greatest of ease.

As you obediently follow his command, Seonghwa makes a sweet sound of approval. 

"Spread your pretty legs, darling." He says, although you can tell by the commanding tone in his voice, that it's more of an order. You obey without question. You spread your legs for him and give him a full view of your wet pussy; you've wanted to do this for far too long to play the shy little sweetheart now. Seonghwa turns around in his chair and moves closer to the table. His face is practically pressed against your warm, pink centre. Slender, beautiful palms of his hands rest on the inside of your thighs and press down hard, causing your legs to spread even further apart. Your high-heeled shoes rest on the armrests of his luxurious chair. 

Seonghwa lowers his head until his nose is pressed against your pussy, breathing deeply and slowly. The sweet, thick scent of your excitement fills his senses, and he lets out a deep, soft moan. His gentle, long tongue slips out of his beautiful mouth to lick at your clit for a brief moment. 

"Ah...damn, Seonghwa." You moan, though the sound is more like a choked sob, especially when he repeats his previous action and continues to lick your clit. Your hips automatically rise up as you try even harder to press your pussy against his stunningly handsome face. He chuckles once more, his hot breath lingering around the sensitive folds of your body.

"Open up for me, princess." Your fingers slide down between your thighs and gently spread your swollen, sticky labia for him. He can see your shrinking, flowing hole and your flushed clit. "Yeah, that's right, baby." He whispers before he presses his gorgeous, sensual mouth all the way down to your cunt. A sharp sensation of pleasure shoots through you as Seonghwa's lips and tongue begin to move, doing something you've never expected from more than one man. Seonghwa literally kisses your pussy, licking every millimetre and sliding the tip of his tongue inside you. You let out a loud moan, the fingers of your other hand tangling in his long, silky hair, pulling at the strands as your boss continues to French kiss your cunt. When he finally pulls his mouth away from your pussy, his lips are all wet and glistening from your excitement, a few drops dripping down the side of his chin. 

"Even you taste like a slut. And look at you; you've flooded my whole table with your slime. What a dirty bitch you are." He purrs. "It looks like I'll have to punish you for real after all." Seonghwa gives a grim chuckle before he pulls away. 

He stares at you in silence for a few moments, clearly considering how to deal with you, and you can't help but marvel at how hot and fuckable he looks right now. God, this man is so unjustly handsome. 

You're so lost in your thoughts that you don't notice Seonghwa leaning towards you again. This time, his nose rests against your breast before his gorgeous, kissable lips wrap around your lace-covered nipple. The feel of the hot wetness of his mouth on your breast brings you back to reality in an instant. 

Seonghwa is lazily kissing your nipple, his tongue languidly washing over it, and he is generously wetting the fabric of your bra with his saliva. He does it so relaxed and slowly, as if he had all the time in the world and you weren't in his office in the middle of the day, practically in front of everyone in the company. When Seonghwa has decided that he's paid enough attention to your right nipple, he lets it out of his mouth with a slight 'pop', and long strands of saliva run from your breast to his lips. He licks his lips and returns to your tits, this time sucking your left nipple into his mouth and giving it the same attention that he gave to your right nipple. 

With each of his actions, silent sighs of pleasure escape your lips. Plump, sensual lips are sucking on your nipple before he suddenly bites down on it. The pain makes you cry out, and you feel a devilish grin appear on his lips as he pulls at the hardened, sensitive bud with his teeth. 

"We have to get this off, don't we, Princess?" Seonghwa mutters into your chest and leaves a last kiss on your nipple before pulling away from you. Your hands move back, and you deftly undo the clasp and pull the lace from your breasts. 

Seonghwa lets out a velvety moan of pleasure at the sight of your naked tits. Your breasts are slightly flushed, your nipples stand out proudly—swollen and wet from his previous actions—and he lowers his face down to your chest to give you a couple of kitten licks on each of your nipples. But that's just to distract you, because Seonghwa's next action makes you roll your eyes and moan loudly. 

He collects the saliva in his mouth and spits it on your breasts as he watches as a clear lump of saliva rolls down between your plump, heavy tits. Fuck, and just when you thought Seonghwa couldn't get any hotter, he proves the exact opposite. 

"Are you ready for your punishment, my love?" Hwa asks you. But even though he asks, he doesn't wait for you to answer. His fingers twist your nipples in a painful way, and you cry out as you arch your back. "That feels great, doesn't it?" Now his nails run gently over them. The soft caress sends a tingling sensation through your skin. 

"Yeah, that feels so good." You moan, the words coming out of your mouth in a breathy voice. He smiles at you and then circles one of your nipples with his full, soft lips once more. You shudder at the sting that flashes across your nerves as his teeth sink into the tender flesh before you throw your head back. A sigh of pleasure forms as he begins sucking hard. "Ah, please, Seonghwa." You gasp for air as your pussy clenches around the emptiness. You squirm on the table, rubbing your naked cunt against the cold glass top of the table to stimulate yourself.

Hwa chuckles against your chest before he pulls himself away, a trickle of saliva dripping from his mouth. Suddenly, his hand comes down sharply on your inner thigh, burning your skin and making you scream in pain.

"Don't move, darling." Seonghwa hisses and slaps your thigh once more. Your skin begins to redden beautifully from his rough actions, and you hope that he will leave more obvious marks on you—the kind of marks that you will be able to see the effects of today for weeks to come. "I didn't tell you that you would be able to stain my desk with your slime, my pretty bitch." Seonghwa's words sound like an ominous warning, and you whimper in response but still stop moving immediately. As you show your obedience, he runs a caressing hand down your thigh, soothing the burning skin.

"That's my good little girl." He praises you before he bites down on your chest. His actions force a small meow from your lips as he mindlessly nibbles at the plump, tender flesh. The fierce purple and scarlet marks of his teeth swell on your skin. 

Seonghwa reaches for his neck, loosens his tie, and undoes some buttons on his white design shirt. At the moment when his smooth, golden skin is revealed to you, you start to drool, and the urge to kiss his chest and his collarbones runs through your whole being.

"Lie down on your back; I still have to teach you how to behave properly, Princess." Seonghwa purrs, and your eyes widen slightly at what he says.

"But Seonghwa..." You start to speak, but stop when he gives you his heavy, siren gaze.

"Oh, you didn't think that a little play with your tits was all you were going to get, did you? No, sweetheart, that is only the beginning of it. If I'm gentle with you, you'll never learn your lesson. Will you?" Hwa teases you, his pink, almost vulgarly full lips curling up into a wicked smile. Your breath hitched, goosebumps covered your skin, and a perverse anticipation coursed through your veins. Punished or rewarded, you don't care at all, just as long as he fucks you properly.

You do as he tells you and lie on your back, shivering a little from the cold of the glass against your skin. Seonghwa's hands wrap around your thighs and pull them apart more. His fingers slide lightly over your skin, occasionally scratching with his nails before touching the wet, silky folds of your cunt. Your thighs tremble a little, and Seonghwa gives a wicked chuckle. He strokes your swollen pussy and licks his lips at the sight of your slime as it reaches out for his fingers.

"Look at you, baby; your pussy is all wet and swollen. You're just a cock-hungry slut, aren't you?" Seonghwa asks. You nod hastily and raise your hips. "You want my cock, love?" You don't have time to answer him, as without any warning, he plunges two long fingers into you and begins to thrust them furiously into you, pressing the pads of his fingers against your sweet spot each time. 

"Oh, my God." You whimper, and the sound you make comes out in an incredibly high-pitched voice.

"Tell me what you want, my darling." Seonghwa insists as his fingers penetrate you deep inside.

"Y-you! I want you, Seonghwa."

"That's not enough. Be a good girl and express yourself  eloquently." His reply follows. He pushes his fingers inside you, flexing them as he begins to deliberately stroke the sensitive, spongy area inside you.

"Fuck, Hwa..." You let out a sudden gasp, your body writhing on the glass table as he continues to pound on your G-spot. His pace is rough and sharp as he fucks you mercilessly, causing your whole body to shake and wriggle while he's doing this. The loud squelching sound of your cunt fills the office, mixed with Sonhwa's hoarse, sultry purr and your pathetic sobs.

"What did I tell you to do, my love? Tell me what you want!" He hisses through his teeth like a snake. He plunges his fingers deep and sharp into your pussy all the way to your knuckles before he bends them and scrapes your G-spot with his nail. He does it over and over again, his fingernail scraping the spongy area as your silky, sticky walls contract around his fingers. As you begin to feel your orgasm approaching, your eyes roll back in your head, and your breathing gets heavier.

"Seonghwa... please! I'm begging you, Hwa. I need..." You whimper incoherently, an endless stream of "please" flying from your lips as Seonghwa continues to aggressively stimulate you, unable to concentrate on anything but Seonghwa's fingers relentlessly stroking your wet, trembling pussy walls. You're on the verge of orgasm, your skin red and tingling with heat and lust, your thighs trembling, and your pussy clenching around Hwa's fingers with such force that it's almost hard for him to keep moving them. Suddenly, he pulls his fingers out completely, leaving you empty and unsatisfied. The hot tension of your orgasm is cut short, never reaching its climax. 

"No!" You scream. Tears of frustration begin to gather in the corners of your eyes as you raise your hips in the hope of feeling that long-awaited stimulation once more. 

"You're being naughty again, my love. If you can't tell me what you want, how can I give it to you, eh?" Seonghwa asks mockingly, his eyes gleaming with joy at your state of mind. You look absolutely shattered. You're a complete mess, and he hasn't even fucked you properly yet. You wipe away the tears from your eyes, let them flow freely down your cheeks, and try to take a deep breath so that you can finally give him what he wants from you. 

"Seonghwa, please let me come. I need it so badly... " You moan, your hips mindlessly thrusting against him. His lips curl up into an utterly vicious and wicked smile before he slaps you hard on your pussy. The loud, wet sound of the slap echoes through the room as his hand touches the soft, sensitive skin of your cunt. For a moment, your whole body tenses up before a sharp, burning sensation of pleasure hits your nerves, and you let out a squeal of pleasure. 

"Come on, my love; you know you can do better than that. Show me how obedient you can be." Seonghwa purrs as she spanks your throbbing, swollen clit over and over again, and with each spanking, you feel your cunt tighten around nothing. You almost lose your mind as your fingers clench together to form white knuckles and your nails dig into the skin of the palm of your hand, leaving fierce red marks. 

His service becomes more and more frustrating and brutal; the minimal but so rough stimulation makes you start to sob openly; you feel like every nerve in your body is burning; your mind is clouded with lust and painful need. With each spanking, your cunt clenches tighter and tighter, your mucus leaking out of your hole and dribbling onto the table, your silky walls practically aching with the desire to be filled. All you can do is keep moaning and taking everything that's offered to you. 

At some point, it all becomes too much—the pleasure and the pain blend together, and you can no longer tell where one begins and the other ends; you can no longer stand this exquisite torture. 

"Oh fuck, I have to cum. Seonghwa, please make me cum." You finally manage to squeeze out and gather enough common sense to string a few words together. He leans over to you, gives you a sweet kiss on the lips, and slaps your clit for the last time. 

"Good girl." Seonghwa says this as he praises you. He then slides two fingers back inside of you and immediately bends them so that the pads of his fingers are pressed against your G-spot and his thumb is pressed into your clit and he begins to rub it in tight, fast circles. 

An embarrassingly loud squeal escapes from your lips as the sharp stimulation sends you over the edge and plunges you into a feeling of utter euphoria. As you scream his name, you feel like you're floating, your body almost intangible, shaking uncontrollably from the effects of your orgasm. 

"Seonghwa, Seonghwa, Seonghwa..." Again and again...

Hwa hisses as he sees you writhing in pleasure, but still, he doesn't stop attacking you; instead, he continues to push his fingers into you, drawing out the insane pleasure that ricochets through your body. Your orgasm doesn't let up and continues to keep you on a sweet high, and when he presses his finger against your G-spot once more, you practically pass out. All your muscles tense, either to keep his finger in or to push it out, and the walls of your cunt contract violently. And at that very moment, Seonghwa pulls his fingers out of you, and your back arched in an almost painful way, and a huge stream of liquid gushed out of your pussy. 

"Oh, fucking love." Seonghwa lets out a deep, velvety moan, the sound practically vibrating in his chest as he watches your cum spurting out of your beautiful, swollen pussy. His fingers are on your clit in an instant, rubbing furiously over the throbbing, hypersensitive lump of nerves. You whimper out his name, tears streaming down your face as you are overwhelmed with excitement. 

Damn it, this is too much for you to handle. 

Seonghwa's dark, cat-like eyes are completely focused on your swollen labia as he watches your cunt tremble as you flood his desk with your cum. You are completely soaked, your thighs covered in a shiny thin layer of your excitement, your stockings wet, and your slime drips down your cunt and between your buttcheeks, collecting in a puddle below.

As your orgasm begins to melt away and you come back to reality, Seonghwa is purring sweetly, enjoying your fucked state, but unfortunately or fortunately for you, he has only just begun to play with you.

"Has your juicy arse ever been fucked, my sweet girl?" He asks, his fingers sliding along your slit, causing you to flinch slightly, overly sensitive from your previous orgasm, before his long forefinger touches the edge of your anus.

"No." You whimper, the sound coming out soft and almost inaudible.

Seonghwa purrs sensuously in response before lowering his gorgeous face between your thighs. He presses his tongue flat against your swollen, pink pussy and runs it in a long, wide stripe from your oozing hole all the way up to your clit. You hiss at the rough sensation, but still, the caress of his tongue gives you immense pleasure. 

The rich taste of your previous orgasm builds up on the long, wet appendage as his taste buds bathe in the intoxicating flavour of your cunt. Seonghwa moans deeply and swallows thickly the slime that has collected in his mouth, savouring the taste of you as if you were the most delicious dessert in the world. As his tongue licks your silky folds and flicks your clit, he continues to play with your arse, sending another wave of excitement through your body. 

With a gentle touch, he circles around the pink, tight ring of muscle, feeling how your entrance is quivering under his care, before he slides a fingertip inside of you. The sudden penetration makes you feel slightly uncomfortable, but you let him do what he wants. 

Seonghwa moans as he pushes his finger deeper and deeper into you. The excessive amount of mucus from your cunt makes it easier for his finger to sink into your ass. As he pushes his finger even deeper into you, he winces, the hot muscles clenching tightly around his long appendage. You let out a heavy moan of pleasure as he moves his finger inside you experimentally. Hwa raises an eyebrow at you, smirks into your pussy and then repeats the action. As another deep moan escapes your lips, a look of pleasant surprise, mixed with a bit of mischief, appears on his face.

"It seems like I was right; you really are a slut." Seonghwa practically buries his stunningly beautiful face in your pussy; his soft, sensual mouth circles around your clit and he begins to suck on it in a sweet way.

"Seonghwa, oh my God, please, please..." Your sobs are incessant, again and again. Even though you have no idea what exactly you're begging him for, But it seems that it is something that you don't have to think about because Seonghwa is going to decide everything for you. He pulls his finger completely out of your arse, and despite yourself, you find yourself moaning loudly at the lost stimulation, your tight pink hole shrinking around nothing. Your displeasure only lasts for a few minutes, though, as Seonghwa focuses all of his attention on eating your pussy like there's no tomorrow. You let out a loud scream at the hot sensation of his beautiful mouth on your cunt and the way his wet, skillful tongue slides over your quivering folds. His teeth bite down on your clit in a playful way, and you shudder at the sharp feel of his teeth as they scrape across your sensitive, throbbing bud. Your head falls back against the glass top of the table as you feel his fingers stretch your labia to give him better access. 

"It's so fucking hot." Seonghwa moans, his breath gathering around the folds of your cunt with every letter he utters. A devilish grin blossoms on his flushed, plush lips as he notices that your hips are unconsciously arching up to meet his tongue and lips.

Seonghwa pulls your clit into his mouth, and it sends a slight pain through your body: your nerves burn with over-excitement, and you let out a high-pitched squeal as Seonghwa intensifies the stimulation, greedily swirling his long, slippery tongue around your hole several times. Ignoring your cries and tears, he continues to lick you, his tongue whipping relentlessly around your pussy. His own excitement increases every time you try to close your legs around his head, and a shuddering moan escapes from your throat.

"Please, Seonghwa, I can't take it anymore... I..." Your moans mingle with the noisy sounds of him lapping at your pussy like an animal, breathing heavily and growling at the taste of you. More tears begin to flow from your eyes at the full, almost painful sensation of rapturous bliss he brings to your body as his long appendage slips deep into your pussy to fuck you with quick, sharp thrusts of his talented tongue, enough to make your walls clench tightly around him. After a few more thrusts, he pulls back and uses a long, slow lick to catch the copious amounts of fluid that flow from you, his tongue pressing flat and hard against you. When he reaches your clit, he runs his tongue gently over the sensitive bud several times before finally pulling it into his mouth to suck on it, causing you to moan loudly and desperately. In between the sucking and nibbling of your tortured, throbbing clit, he gives it a regular wash with his tongue. 

"Oh damn, I want your cock, please, Seonghwa. Just fuck me already." There is pure desperation in the sound of your voice as you beg him. Your hips unconsciously rub against his handsome face, smearing your juices all over his high cheekbones, his gorgeous lips, and his chin. Now you could definitely confirm the theory that Seonghwa ate a pussy  like God. 

Everyone in your office has always wondered what that long tongue of his could do, and hell, as it turns out, it can do a lot of things. You're completely lost in an ecstatic euphoria of pleasure as he sucks on your clit without mercy once again.

"Cum for me again, my love. Sperm all over my tongue." Seonghwa's voice is muffled by your pussy, but the vibration of his diabolical whisper reverberates off your clit and you give a muffled scream. 

Immediately, you wriggle under his relentless tutelage, your back arches, and you twist painfully on the glass table. Every single muscle in your body stiffens as you begin to cum, and you feel this orgasm even more intense and overwhelming than the last one. Your silky walls clench painfully around nothing; your juices flow out of you in thick streams, straight into his mouth; and Seonghwa greedily swallows it all down, getting completely drunk on your pussy.

Have you come twice before, or is this your third orgasm? You can't even be aware of what's going on; all you can think about is how much you need to be filled with his cock. Lost in the lustful, hazy cloud of your orgasm, you don't even notice that Seonghwa has finally pulled his wonderful, soft mouth away from your cunt. 

He straightens up to his full height before he manoeuvres your trembling body in such a way that you find yourself on your knees on his desk. Your head slides down until your chubby cheek is pressed against the cold surface of the glass, and you still sob in the throes of your orgasm. Your body falls helplessly into the pose that he wants you to assume, your hands resting on either side of your head and your tits pressed against the cool surface of the glass. Grabbing hold of your hips, Hwa lifts your arse up and then, suddenly, plunges his entire cock into you.

He plunges all the way into you in one smooth thrust, not allowing you to take in his thick length bit by bit. The sharp intrusion tears you out of your semi-conscious state and makes you scream at the top of your lungs. You twitch, trying to pull away from him; your senses and emotions are overflowing, and you think you might not be able to take it anymore. But Seonghwa doesn't let you pull away, pulling you against him so that the head of his cock hits your sweet spot and you scream as pain and pleasure mix. 

He moves his hips slightly, changing the angle of the penetration, and your walls begin to contract uncontrollably around his cock, clinging to the swollen veins that stretch along its velvety length, trying to keep it from slipping out of you. In this new position, Seonghwa's cock is now so deep inside you that the head of his cock is kissing the cervix of your uterus. The feeling is fucking amazing, and you start to whimper at how full you are now. 

Seonghwa grits his teeth as he slowly gets used to the tightness of your pussy and the feeling of your walls throbbing all the time only intensifies his pleasure even more. 

"Damn, Hwa, this is too much..." You begin to whimper, causing Seonghwa to look at you with concern. 

"Do I have to stop, dear?" He asks you, and you can feel the change in his tone of voice—soft, caring tones that caress your skin like melted honey. He begins to come out of you slowly, trying to be as gentle as possible. But as soon as you feel him slipping out of your pussy, you start to shake your head violently, in denial, and you start to press your hips against him.

"No! No! Please don't do this, Seonghwa. I'll get better, I promise. Just go ahead and fuck me. Fuck me until I'm stupid and obedient to you. I want your cock so badly." You moan, arching your arse and shaking it slightly to plant deeper in his cock. You are so lost in the feeling of euphoric pleasure that, even with the pain of the overstimulation, you can't help but want Seonghwa to fuck you some more. He digs his fingers into your thighs, pulls you back onto his cock, and plunges deep inside you again. The action brings a sudden scream out of you as the wet, swollen head of his cock makes contact with your cervix. Seonghwa leans over you, his clothed chest pressing against your bare back, soaked with sweat.

"Who knew you were such a cock-hungry slut?" Hwa purrs into your ear, punctuating what he says with a deep thrust. "But don't worry, love. I'm going to give you exactly what you crave." Your hips tremble as Seonghwa starts to thrust hard into you. His pace isn't fast, but his thrusts are hard, driving his cock deep into you, reaching your cervix with each hip thrust, his balls slapping against your wet pussy.

"So fucking full..." The sensation of overstimulation mixes with the way his wiry cock strokes your silky, warm walls in a pleasurable way, pressing against them in the most delicious way. 

"Is this what you were so eager to get your hands on when you started this stupid game with me? Did you really want to be under me with your pretty, slutty cunt stretched around my cock?" Seonghwa asks, speeding up his movements. A deep, guttural moan is the only answer you can give; your brain is no longer able to form any words. When you don't answer, Hwa slaps you hard on your buttocks, letting the aggressive red mark of his palm bloom on the plump, soft flesh.

"I told you to be obedient to me, to be good. And when I ask you something, I want you to damn answer." Seonghwa hisses and slaps your buttocks once more, causing you to sob pitifully.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I want." You finally cry out, the words coming out in a stutter. Seonghwa's lips viciously curl before he begins to roll his hips. The twisting motion changes the penetration angle of his cock as it enters you, and you scream out his name. His velvety, thick length inside you is hot and pulsating rhythmically. When his cock touches your sweet spot, your hips start to shake violently.

If it weren't for Seonghwa's firm grip on you, you're sure you'd collapse into a boneless heap on his desk. 

"Do you feel satisfied, Princess? Is your beautiful cunt finally full? Or do you want some more?" Hwa growls, driving his cock all the way into you, his hips slapping against your plump, juicy arse. Panting, you nod your head, your throat aching from the constant moaning and screaming.

"You fucking naughty little slut." He scolds you. " I." Your skin is on fire under the merciless slap of his hand." Told you. "Another spanking, this time harder and more painful. To be a good girl." Seonghwa rebukes you and leaves a few more slaps on your bottom. 

"Yes!" You squeal in response. "Yes, I feel so full. You are filling me up so well, Seonghwa." Seonghwa's dark, feline eyes glide over your helpless body, watching your muscles quiver almost imperceptibly with pleasure, sweat dripping down your skin as you dissolve into the delight he's giving you. Every time he thrusts his cock into you, you jerk forward, only to have him pull you back down onto his cock like a doll. 

You are such a perfect, beautiful toy for him to use. And he's so fucking full of himself that the sight of you falling apart makes him feel proud and smug. The damn bitch knows he's simply magnificent. His incessant thrusts cause your sensitive nipples to rub against the smooth, cold glass, giving you new sensations of pleasure as you begin to fall into a state of ecstasy.

"Seonghwa..." You whimper. This time, your voice is incredibly soft and almost inaudible. Drowned out by the squelching, disgusting sounds of sex as his cock enters and exits your slime-soaked cunt and the wet slap of his skin against yours. 

"That's it, love; I am going to teach you good manners. You will be a submissive, beautiful princess for me, not a teasing little bitch. And I'm going to fuck you so well... Morning, afternoon, and night, over and over again, until your pink, sweet cunt will flow with my cum and learn the shape of my cock. You will feel me inside you for days... weeks..." Seonghwa leans down to whisper this into your ear in a sultry, husky voice, then he kisses your neck and shoulders, his plump, sensual lips lightly softening the heat of your skin. 

He is affectionate and gentle with you, but this position forces him to penetrate you even deeper, even though you didn't think it was possible. Seonghwa gives a velvety purr of pleasure as he continues to ravage you, his sweet tone and feathery kisses contrasting with the hard and strong points of his hips. 

"Come on, darling, cum all over my cock like a good girl." He whispered in your ear as he left a wet kiss on your skin. He took one hand off your thigh and slid it underneath you, pressing his fingers against your throbbing, swollen clit as he did so.

"N-no, Seonghwa, I can't. Oh God, Hwa. This is so much..." You sob. 

"Just one more, my dear. Give me one more." Seonghwa hums into your skin, his fingers digging into your clit before he twists and turns the throbbing bud. You squeal as a sudden wave of ecstasy rushes through you, bringing you to the brink of orgasm before you even know what hit you. Your body twists and shudders beneath him as you moan and gasp with pleasure. Your hot, slippery walls contract painfully, and Hwa hisses as you clench around him. 

Your orgasm rushes through you like a tidal wave, and he can feel your wetness soaking through the designer material of his trousers. He moans in a guttural voice, throwing his head back and rolling his eyes in pleasure as he realises that you're squirting for him again. 

Fuck, he should have fucked you a lot sooner, not resisted the urge for practically an entire year. Seonghwa should have had your cunt on his cock on the very first day that you crossed the threshold of his office. 

"Damn, Y/N. You're so hot, baby. You are taking my cock so well; your pussy is just made for me." With two intermittent thrusts, he drives his cock as deep as he can into you, his cum-filled balls straining. The furious ripples of your walls milk his cock as he begins to cum deep inside of you. A soft cry of long-awaited relief escapes your lips as the warmth of his cum, thick and viscous, finally fills you. 

He remains deep inside of you, his hips moving in a shallow motion as he empties himself completely. There is so much of his cum that a milky fluid begins to leak from the point where his cock has entered you. When your silky walls clench too tightly, Seonghwa lets out a whimper of overexcitement before he comes out of you completely. At the moment when he pulls his cock out of you, you hiss with a painful burning sensation in spite of the sudden feeling of emptiness inside of you. 

Without his grip on your thighs, you fall limply onto the table, your muscles twitching involuntarily in an attempt to catch your breath. Seonghwa leans back in his luxurious leather chair, a sweet, deep moan of utter satisfaction escaping from his throat. From where he is sitting, he has a perfect view of your used and swollen cunt and your small, pink hole. A mixture of your juices and his cum drips from your folds, and your cunt continues to clench around nothing, spurting out fluid. As he leans in closer to you, he leaves a couple of kisses on your juicy, soft arse. The red marks left by his hands are now even darker and are beginning to take on a purple hue.

"Seonghwa." You barely meow his name. Your throat is dry and tense from the sound. With a soft purr, Seonghwa wraps his arms around your waist and then gently rolls you over onto your back. Plump, hot lips come to rest on the inside of your thigh, kissing and nibbling the skin gently. He leaves kisses on your thighs as he travels up your stomach and between your breasts, pausing briefly to stroke your inflamed nipples gently with his tongue as he crawls up your body. Finally, when he's on top of you, he smiles softly at you, his nose in contact with yours.

"That's it; now your punishment is completely over, Princess. You did such a good job; I'm so proud of you, baby." Seonghwa buried his nose in your neck and inhaled your scent, showering you with praise and compliments. The smell of sex hangs thickly around you, but he can still smell the exquisite perfume you wear. The praise he gives you makes your lips curl into a lazy grin and your chest swell with satisfaction. He moves closer to your face, his eyes twinkling like stars, but behind the sweet glow, you can still see the thick, vicious darkness of his nature. 

Your eyes widen for a fraction of a second, only to close again at the feel of his stunningly soft, plump lips against yours. Moaning into the kiss, he licks the corner of your lips in a leisurely way. Your mouth obediently opens, allowing him to reach inside and touch you. As soon as his tongue slides between your lips and into the inviting warmth of your mouth, the sweet taste of it washes over your taste buds, and you find yourself completely lost in him.

As Seonghwa continues to kiss you selflessly, licking your mouth and wrapping his tongue around yours in the most lewd and dirty way possible, you think about how you should wear that skirt more often, if that's what it takes to have Seonghwa fucking you to within an inch of your life on a regular basis. 

[psychoticallytrans]

There's this idea, fairly common in society, that mental illness is for teens and up. Children are happy little creatures, generally, right? Sometimes they're abused and the trauma can make them mentally ill, but that's not common.

There are two fundamental problems with this attitude. One, it's incorrect to assume that trauma is the only reason a young kid can be mentally ill. Two, trauma is more common than people think. I'll be covering the first problem in this post through the lens of my particular experience.

Where I live, you can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18 years old. You cannot be diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a minor. This poses a problem because my age of onset was in first grade, roughly six years old. Because of the fact that I was very young and new to the world, this was also the age of my first suicide attempt. Thinking I wouldn't be able to pass a spelling test genuinely felt like something worth trying to die over. So, I ate some hemlock, since I'd read about Socrates being killed with it. Luckily, I ate western hemlock, an unrelated species, and just felt kind of sick.

I'm not recounting that for fun or pity. I'm recounting it because children with mental illness are in genuine danger because they have little to no experience with managing their emotions, have little to no concept of the idea that their life can change and improve, and are dismissed by adults. I told a teacher that the test made me want to die, though not that I'd attempted to, and it was brushed off as little kid hyperbole. If I had used a method that was effective rather than one I thought would be, I would have been dead at six years old.

I would not receive medication that worked even a bit for another two years. I would not receive treatment for bipolar disorder specifically for ten years, and that required my PCP fudging the reason for the medication because she was afraid I would die if she didn't, and diagnosis was still two years off at minimum. I received a formal diagnosis at age 19, thirteen years after onset.

But surely that's uncommon, right? This story is a huge edge case, right? I actually have no idea, because age of onset and age of diagnosis are massively conflated for most disabilities. Policies like the one in my area that restricted bipolar diagnoses by age can artificially raise the age of "onset", in my case by thirteen years. The general idea that children are somehow immune to mental illness can also delay diagnosis by several years, perpetuating the idea that young children can't be mentally ill. The data on when people start experiencing mental illness is inherently skewed upwards, and I frankly don't have a good estimate on how bad that skew is. If anyone does have that data, please chime in.

Listen to children. If they're saying they're sad all the time, that they don't care about anything, that they don't see a future for themselves, those are signs of depressive symptoms. If they say that tests make them feel sick, that they can't do anything because they're scared, that they can't breathe and freeze up, those are signs of anxious symptoms. Many children talk about imaginary things, and that's just fine, but slip in a question or two about them to make sure that the kid is just playing, and not experiencing psychosis.

Children are new to the world and vulnerable, and they don't know what's normal and what isn't. They need people who are more experienced watching out for problems they might be having, and listening when they talk about having problems. If you can, try to be the person who perceives them, and tells them that things can be better.

[dogearedheart]

i saw your tag about sobriety and i just want to tell you how insanely happy i am for you... its so hard and im glad youre here. really im so glad youre here! not just sober but alive. thank you for that. ❤️

oh, that's such an unexpected asked and the first time that I don't really know what to say. this is... thank you. Like, from the bottom of my heart. thank you.

[yawnderu]

Mine — Simon "Ghost" Riley x Reader

Art by @ave661!

Synopsis: knowing he couldn't provide you with the life you wanted, Simon breaks things off with you. Two years later, you come back to base with a baby that isn't his.

Content: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, mutual pining, established relationships, breeding, erotic lactation, romantic love making, praising. No beta we die like Roach.

Ghost always knew his lifestyle would forever be considered out of the norm. A soldier who risks his life every single mission, a man who has built an entire plethora of enemies in multiple countries should never even bother settling down, yet why does it hurt to bad to see you come back to base with a baby that isn't his? It was his idea to break up— not wanting to destroy your dreams of wanting a family in a gated community, even when you reassured him living together as soldiers wouldn't be an issue at all.

"Say 'hi, Simon'." You tell the baby you're carrying, the tiny thing wearing a bear onesie is looking up at Simon, pure curiosity in her eyes. She simply babbles, short arms reaching out to touch his skull mask. To your surprise and to his heart break, he leans down so your daughter can play with the hard plate of the mask, not worried at all about her breaking it.

"She looks like you." He said with a choked voice, trying his best to sound calm. He doesn't even dare look at you, his gaze focused on the tiny girl you're holding.

"Dada!" She babbles out while touching his mask and Simon's eyes immediately go towards you, soul almost leaving his body in fear of seeing disgust on your face, yet all he sees is a bashful smile adorning your pretty features. He holds in his breath, eyebrows furrowed under the balaclava as he waits for your response.

"Astrid, that's—" You begin and she interrupts, one of her tiny hands barely being able to hold one of his big skull gloved fingers. "Dada!" She insists, louder this time. There's only 3 words the little girl can say including 'Dada', so you're not all that concerned about her seeing him that way.

"Sorry, she—" You get interrupted once again, this time by Simon.

"It's okay." If being delusional and pretending this tiny thing is his daughter helps him deal with the heartbreak making his chest hurt, he doesn't mind. The girl clings to Simon's neck and you lean closer, giving her a questioning look. She never liked being held by anyone but you, often crying whenever friends tried to hold her.

"This might sound strange, but..." His gaze shifted from you to the child, heart melting at the little girl holding onto the neck of his jacket for dear life.

"Can I hold her?" His voice was hoarse, hands almost shaking from all the emotions that hit him at once.

"Of course." Your warm smile reassured him, gently passing him the baby. He supported the back of her head with his hand, easily dwarfing her entire skull, yet being so delicate with his touch you could swear he thinks your daughter is made of glass.

Simon felt light headed as the little girl was slipped into his arms, fitting perfectly in his hands. His eyes lit up when he looked down and saw her soft, chubby fingers wrap around the chain of his dog tags, a small smile forming under the balaclava. He brought her close and cradled her, heart thundering in his chest at holding this lovely girl you created.

"Dada." She pointed at him with her finger, looking back at you as she squeezed his chain with her free hand. You could swear you saw one of his eyebrows lifting in amusement under the mask, the same cocky look you know too well.

"Maybe she wants me to be her daddy." He teased you, cradling the baby delicately in his strong arms, shielding her from any danger. He was instantly smitten the second he saw her, content to have your permission to hold her even after all you both went through.

"Don't be so smug about it, bastard." You playfully roll your eyes, leaning your head on his shoulder to give your little girl a kiss on the forehead, her hand holding onto your hair softly the same way you managed to teach her after one too many times of having your hair pulled by the tiny creature.

"Mama." She attempted to pet your hair the same you taught her how to pet a cat, albeit her tiny limbs moved much sloppier and with surprising strength.

"I think it's sweet." He said with a cheeky smirk, the pain in his chest going away more and more the longer he held your daughter. He was secretly hoping to get a reaction out of you after almost two years of not being able to tease you.

"You can tell her no all you want, but if she wants a dada, she's got one." As if to prove his point, he pointed with his eyes to the girl in his arms, the child reaching out towards Ghost with a giggle. His fingers tickled the baby gently, making her laugh even more. You look between Simon and the baby, a fond smile on your lips when you see just how easily they get along, the pupils in his brown eyes fully dilated as he looks down at her.

"Look at her." Ghost spoke softly, one of his skull gloved fingers running down the length of her short hair.

"She looks like an angel." He looked down at the child with nothing short of raw adoration, gaze drifting back to you, taking in the sweet moment of your body leaning against his while you both fawn over the infant. You hesitantly move away from his shoulder after a few seconds and he gives you a questioning side eye.

"I've got a meeting with Price, let me—" You reach out for your baby and he looks down at you, gaze softening.

"I can babysit for you." He offers with a hopeful look in his eyes. How can you deny anything to this man when he's holding your little girl as if he would die for her no questions asked? When those big brown eyes are looking down at you, the moisture in them clear as day? You nod your head, offering a warm smile as you give your baby one last kiss in the cheek, accidentally tickling her and making her giggle even more.

"There's a few baby bottles in the fridge, just run them over hot water for a few seconds until it's warm— but not too warm." He nods his head as you give him instructions on how to take care of the baby, listening intently. He doesn't have the heart to tell you he knows how to take care of a child— he babysat his former nephew many, many times before. He doesn't even realize he dissociated until you gently pat his shoulder, walking to Price's office.

"You and me, yeah?" He asks your baby who simply giggles in return, tiny hands going back to play with the hard plate of his skull mask.

The meeting took much longer than expected, catching up with Price and talking about your possible return to the 141. It isn't until three hours later that you go back to your quarters, heart in your throat when you turn on the lights.

Ghost is laying on your bed, civilian clothes on with a hoodie covering half of his upper face, your baby safely secured on his chest. You don't have the heart to wake them up, instead grabbing your phone and snapping a quick picture, making sure not a single feature of his face is seen for his own safety and privacy.

The change of lighting slowly wakes him up, offering you a tired smile before his eyes close again once he realizes it's just you. You take off your boots and turn off the light, sneaking into bed with your lovely baby and... your ex.

It feels too natural to even think much about it, one of his arms instantly wrapping around your shoulders to bring you closer, head resting on his chest along with the tiny offspring. He drifts off to sleep soundly with his two girls and for the first time in a long time, he's able to get a full night's sleep, not being woken up by his violent nightmares.

Weeks pass as Simon spends more and more time with you, your new contract signed the same day you had a meeting with Price, though he's not putting you on any missions yet until they figure out who will take care of your daughter while you're away. Today Gaz and Soap asked to take her out, claiming they wanted to buy some new clothes for her since she's growing up fast.

"Hey, big guy." You greet Simon, who seems to have relocated to your quarters for whatever reason— the man literally spends his whole time there and you don't even question it anymore, simply assuming he wanted to spend more time with your daughter. You know details here and there about his family, though he was never clear about the full story. You sit down next to him and he nods his head in acknowledgment, too busy looking at his phone.

"Can I buy her this?" He points his phone at you, showing you a website selling pajama pants for babies, the ones he's showing you are grey and have a skull pattern all over. You playfully roll your eyes, nodding your head before laying down next to him, head laying on his chest while you look at his phone, browsing the website together.

"You don't have to buy her things, you know?" You take a few seconds to admire his unmasked features iluminated by his phone—the soft jawline, thin pink lips, high nose and skin around his eyes that always seemed to be tainted with eye black no matter how well he washed it off.

"Telling me what to do, Sargeant?" He teased, raising an eyebrow at you and being an asshole jokingly just to make you laugh. It only earns him a slap on the arm, phone dropping right on his face. He turns his head slowly to look at you and you can recognize the look in his eyes— you try to run away but he holds you down, fingers already tickling your ribs as you laugh and struggle, trying your best to get out of his grasp to no avail.

"Pause." You kick and scream, laughter escaping your lips due to the tickles. As soon as you speak he stops, looking down at you with a tender look in his face. You gasp for air and he takes the chance to look down at your lips, so close, so inviting...

"I saw that." You tease and he jokingly pushes your head into the pillow, laying down next to you with an arm wrapped around your waist. You giggle at the remaining feeling of the tickles before laying back down on your side, hand absent-mindedly tracing patters on his defined, clothed stomach. You don't know when you both started becoming so close again, yet the comfort is always welcome in the turbulent life of a soldier.

"When's that lot coming back?" He looks down at you, longing mixed with curiosity. Truth to be told, he knows the boys will keep your baby safe, but he wants to have her right back where she belongs— in his arms.

"Like... two hours, I think. If they don't find anything too distracting. Don't worry, I made them take a jacket for her in case it gets cold." He would never tell you he was the one to put the baby jacket in the car because they all forgot.

"Good, good." He sighs, looking up at the ceiling, deep in thought. It's quiet for a few minutes, both of you finding comfort in the silence before he speaks again.

"Are you planning on having another one?" He asks curiously, gaze drifting down towards you, doing his best to hide the longing and hope in his tone.

"Maybe." You keep in simple, eyes staying closed as you trace patterns on the muscles of his stomach, feeling them flex involuntarily at your touch.

"Why? Interested on having a family with me now, Simon?" You tease, an eyebrow raised at him as you finally open your eyes. He seems to be thinking about it for a few seconds before hesitantly nodding.

"Bullshit." You sit up, looking down at him with a mix of confusion and hope.

"S' the truth." He plays it off casually as if he didn't confess being ready to do the same thing that broke both of you off two years ago. He pulls you back down to his chest, fingers gently massaging your scalp. You can hear his heart beat fast, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallows the knot in his throat.

You stay quiet, unsure of what to say. It's too much all at once— knowing Simon actually wanted to settle down with you bringing a mix of anxiety and fear to both of you equally. He never had a normal family, and though deep down he was scared of being like his father, he already proved to himself he can be gentle and tender, the same way he is with your daughter.

His hand slowly drifted down from your waist to the curve of your ass, softly squeezing it while looking at you for any signs of hesitation. He finds none, and instead sees you leaning closer and closer until your lips crash, the passion of two lovers who never got over one another present in the kiss.

Clothes are discharged all over the room with no care at all, the quarter walls bouncing off with a mix of your moans and his low groans, a pillow under your hips while he fucked into your cunt, slow and deep thrusts making the tip of his fat cock slam into your willing cervix.

"Gonna look so fucking pretty with my kid." He whispers into your ear, breathy groans leaving his lips as his thrusts slow down, making love to you rather than just fucking you for a quick nut. One of his hands cups your cheek, forcing you to look up at him.

"Tell me. Tell me how pretty you'll be all swollen with my baby." You hesitate and he kisses your lips gently, gaze tender while he looks down at you, thrusts hitting deeper and deeper each time as he waits for you to speak.

"I'll look... so pretty—fuck— with your child." You manage to speak out between whiny moans, the way he's looking at you with pure love and adoration is all you need to confirm he does find you attractive. Truth to be told, it's difficult being confident after glint through something that permanently alters your body, yet he's looking at you like you're even more beautiful than before. In his eyes, you are.

"That's a good girl." He praises, hips rutting faster against yours as he drove himself deeper and deeper into your cunt, the nasty squelching sound every time he goes hits it hard making this even more exciting. He holds himself up with his elbows, large hands cupping your tits while he pops one of your nipples into his mouth, sucking on it like a starved man finding shelter.

"These tits are gonna be so big too." He murmurs, swallowing the milk coming out of your tits with no hesitation. His hand gets busy with your other nipple, gently pulling and squeezing the sensitive bud, not minding the milk squirting all over. It's too good to be true— your body changing so much to keep your baby healthy and soon enough, it'll change for his baby too.

"So fuckin' perfect, baby." He praises, eyes closing as he focuses on how good your wet walls are wrapping around his unprotected cock, tongue swirling around your nipple before he latches onto it again, drinking the sweet milk coming out.

"This cock's all yours." He lets go of your nipple, face seeking shelter on the crook of your neck as his thrusts get sloppier by the second, embarrassingly nasty words coming out of his lips like prayer. You're the only one allowed to ever see him like this, to have him in any possibly way. He doesn't even care how he's promising you the world, offering all of himself to you without having any doubts.

"Everyone's gonna know you're mine, love." He whispers into your ear, voice hoarse and full emotion, hips stuttering before he buries himself all the way into your cunt, cum splurging out directly into your willing, fertile womb. He keeps himself inside, caging you in with his strong arms into a protective embrace, wanting to make sure not a single drop of cum is wasted.

"All mine."

[cafelattaes]

afterglow | zcl

summary: in which you felt fed up with chenle and walked out after a fight, but you were uncertain whether he’d make an effort to save your relationship.

pairing: chenle x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 2.1k

you were having an argument with chenle. you tried to tell him that you felt a little uneasy about one of his female friends, but he downplayed your emotions and it irked you.

"don't you think you're being unfair?" you asked, frustration evident in your voice. "you're allowed to be jealous of every single person you think is hitting on me, but i'm not even allowed to feel upset that you have a close friend who obviously likes you?"

chenle responded dismissively. "it doesn't matter if someone likes me. all my friends know i'm head over heels for you. besides, none of my friends have openly told me they like me. i can't say the same to you and your so-called guy friends."

"i already rejected him," you countered, your voice rising. "how many times do i have to tell you that?"

"it doesn't look like you did because he's obviously still expecting something from you." he retorted, crossing his arms.

"i don't know how else to convince you. why do you always do this? every time i try to tell you how i feel, you always find a way to somehow turn it around on me, and it ends with you feeling more upset than i am."

"look, you don't need to worry about me. i couldn't care less about anyone who might like me. but you? you're too soft with that friend of yours. you might not see it, but it's obvious to everyone else how he hangs all over you. and you're not doing enough to stop it."

"but i don't like him, i never did and i never will. you also have nothing to worry about. why can't you let it go?"

chenle sighed, his eyes narrowing. "the same reason you can't let go of your concerns about my friend. no matter what i say, you're still upset and you're still jealous. that's exactly how i feel."

"so what do you want me to do?" you asked, exasperated.

"nothing. you can't do what i want."

"you want me to stop being friends with him? is that it?" you asked, incredulous. "will you do it for me if i ask you the same thing?" you challenged him. but chenle didn't respond; he just rolled his eyes and turned his back on you.

you felt so pissed off. chenle was always so unfair to you whenever you had a fight. you almost screamed at him to get out, but then you remembered you were at his house. you grabbed your things and turned to the door. you were about to leave when you heard chenle's voice.

"you're leaving because of something so petty? seriously?" he said with a scoff.

you gave him a dirty look, your hand on the doorknob. "you were about to storm off to your room and shut me out anyway. we obviously don't want to see each other right now, so what's the point of me staying?" you didn't wait for him to respond. you immediately left, slamming the door behind you.

you knew you were being immature, but so was chenle. you weren't about to let him slam the door on you again, making you feel shitty and guilty, when he clearly didn't feel the same remorse. somehow, even when the fight was his fault, you always ended up being the first one to apologize. that made your stomach churn with resentment.

you weren't always like this. during the first few months of your relationship, you and chenle rarely fought. even when you did, they were just small arguments and you would always make up immediately. but now, almost two years into the relationship, after the honeymoon phase had worn off, things had changed dramatically. you started getting into more frequent and intense fights, and the tolerance and understanding that you had at the start had also faded.

honestly, part of the reason why you're always the first one to give in is that, no matter how angry you get at your boyfriend, you can never stay mad at him for long. you fear that if both of you remain stubborn and no one's going to swallow their pride, the fight would escalate and break the two of you apart. chenle, on the other hand, always seems to have no problem ignoring you for a long time. it only intensifies your frustration and hurt, making you feel even more upset with him than you already are.

you've decided you won't give in this time, no matter what. you're scared that he might do the same, matching your stubbornness with his own. but if he can't even swallow his pride for you, the person he claims to love most, then maybe you're better off apart.

you don't want that though — not really. your relationship, despite its flaws, means too much to you. you just hope he does things differently this time.

after leaving chenle's house, you returned to your own place. you tried to sleep, but your anger and frustration had morphed into a gnawing worry that made your stomach tied up in knots. deep down, you weren't confident that he would do right by you this time. the realization made you feel conflicted. is it really worth staying with him if this is how he consistently makes you feel?

the thought sent a wave of sadness through you. despite everything, you loved him deeply. the idea of your relationship ending made your chest tighten with fear. you didn't want this to be the final straw.

tears welled up in your eyes, spilling over onto your pillow. as you cried silently in your room, a mix of emotions washed over you; love, frustration, hope and disappointment all tangled together. eventually, exhaustion took over, and you drifted off into a fitful sleep.

your last conscious thought was a small hope that when you woke up in the morning, you'd see his name on the screen accompanied by an apology you'd been waiting for.

chenle sat by the sofa, his eyes fixed on his phone, waiting for your call. since you had walked out after your fight the night before, you still hadn't come knocking on his door. this was the first time you hadn't talked for this long after an argument. fear started creeping up because of the prolonged silence from you. his chest tightened at the thought that you might have finally decided you'd had enough of him and realized you deserved better. he couldn't bear the thought of losing you. as the day was coming to an end, the setting sun cast long shadows across his room, signaling the passage of time and deepening his anxiety.

he could no longer sit still and wait for you to come to him. what was stopping him from coming after you anyway? he didn't know. but he realized he had been selfish for always waiting for you to mend things all this time. chenle felt like he could lose you easily to other people; you were surrounded by many who liked you and wanted to be with you. because of that, he always felt threatened. letting you come to him first after a fight somehow gave him a sense of security that you loved him enough not to let others steal you away from him.

but he realized now how dumb that was. instead, he could end up losing you because of his inaction. he snapped out of his reverie and grabbed his car keys, walking hastily through the door.

you heard someone ring your doorbell, and you checked to see who it was. your heart leaped in both happiness and relief at the sight of chenle standing outside your door.

if you weren't in a fight with him, you would laugh at how ridiculous he looked wearing sunglasses. you were pretty sure the sun had already set and it was dark outside.

you were feeling different kinds of emotions as you stood there. relief that he had come, nervousness about what he might say, and a stubborn remnant of hurt from your fight. you took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for whatever was to come as you opened the door, finally seeing him up close.

"can i come in?" chenle asked quietly. you didn't respond verbally, but opened the door wider, allowing him to enter.

you closed the door slowly before turning around to face him. chenle stood in the middle of your living room, looking uncharacteristically uncertain.

you leaned back against the door, arms crossed protectively over your chest, waiting expectantly for him to speak.

"i'm sorry," he said, his voice was soft and sounded a bit tired. "i'm sorry about everything. i was only thinking about myself and took your words lightly. i kept dismissing your feelings because i was blinded by my own jealousy. i didn't realize i was hurting you." he stepped closer, gently cradling your face in his hands. "please, forgive me. i don't want to lose you over some stupid fight. i know i haven't been the best at showing it, but i love you so much."

his words caused tears to well up in your eyes. for the past 24 hours, you had felt an uncomfortable tightness in your chest, each second away from him making you fear you were closer to losing him. you knew you both had much to discuss, and the way you communicated with each other needed improvement. but at that moment, you felt a surge of relief knowing that despite all the fights, chenle still loved you.

"thank you for coming to me, and i'm sorry too," you said, holding the hand that was caressing your face. "i have so many things to say... but first, can i take off your sunglasses? they're distracting." as you removed them, you felt your heart clenched at the sight. chenle's eyes were red and puffy, evidence of hours spent crying. the thought of him crying by himself made your sadness deepen, triggering your own tears as you immediately embraced him. "i'm so sorry for leaving you alone last night."

you didn't usually walk out during your fights, and your departure likely made chenle realize that this argument was unlike any other. he must have thought you had reached your limit. you now understood the depth of his fear of losing you, mirroring your own fear of losing him.

chenle encircled you in his arms, resting his head on your shoulder and burying his face in the crook of your neck. his embrace conveyed how much he had missed you.

"no, i am sorry. i deserved it," he murmured against your skin. "if you hadn't left, i probably would've done the same thing as before and not realized what i'd done wrong. you've been patient with me all this time. i'm sorry for all the times i ignored how you feel. i'll be better for you, i promise." he said, pressing a tender kiss on your forehead.

as you stood there in each other's arms, you both silently acknowledged the work ahead to strengthen your relationship. the warmth of your reconciliation filled the room, replacing the tension that had hung between you just moments before.

you and chenle were now cuddling on your bed. your chin rested on top of his head while gently running your fingers through his hair. the simple gesture made his heart flutter. his arm draped comfortably around your waist as he nestled against you, closing his eyes and basking in the peaceful aftermath.

as you lay there, feeling warm and loved, you felt so relieved. the tension from your fight completely melted away, and you felt even more in love.

chenle shifted slightly, tilting his head to look up at you. "i think i've figured out the secret to never fighting again."

you raised an eyebrow. "huh? what's that?"

"we just stay like this forever." he replied with a grin. "can't argue if we're too busy cuddling."

"tempting offer, but we'll get hungry eventually." chenle pretended to consider this seriously.

"then we take turns getting snacks while the other one guards the cuddle spot."

"guard it from what exactly?" he shrugged, snuggling closer.

"i don't know. cuddle thieves? it's a very coveted position, you know." you rolled your eyes in amusement.

"you're ridiculous."

"yeah," he leaned up to place a gentle kiss on your lips. "but you love me." he whispered against your mouth. you couldn't help but smile and steal another kiss from him.

as you snuggled back together, you felt calm and happy. in that moment, holding each other close, you both silently promised to stick together. you knew your love hadn't just survived, it had grown even stronger.

[slayfics]

Katsuki gets caught being sweet to you.

You started to finally catch your breath being at the top of the hiking trail Katsuki had dragged you out too.

"Alright there, it's just us up here so tell me already. What the hell has been going on?"

"That's why you brought me out here?" You asked.

"Just tell me already, stop being so damn stubborn." He pried you impatiently.

"I told you I'm fine Bakugo, just busy like everyone else." You replied.

"Don't give me that shit. Do you think I'm stupid? The other extras are too dense to notice but I can see how exhausted you've been this whole week. So just tell me- what's going on," He said.

"You didn't need to drag me out here on a hike in freezing weather to do this, you know," You said, slightly irritated at Katsuki continuing to push you.

"Ugh- will you stop stalling and talk already," He yelled, causing you to let out an annoyed sigh. Katsuki put his hands in his pockets and looked out at the view, his demeanor softening slightly. "You can talk to me, you know," he added, his voice lower and kinder than before.

You stayed looking at the view for a few more moments trying to figure out how to unpack everything that had been stressing you out. It wasn't like some big thing, but a summation of a bunch of little things that were beginning to become too challenging to manage.

A cold breeze blew by causing you to shiver. You wondered why Katsuki had insisted on bringing you up this mountain to talk to you. He could have pestered you in your dorm where it was warm.

Katsuki stole glances at you occasionally then focused back on the view not wanting to intimidate you too much from his glare. Hiking always helped him to clear his mind and gather his thoughts when they seemed too loud. He thought maybe it would help you too, and being away from all your classmates might make it easier for you to talk to him. At the very least it made it easier for Katsuki to be more vulnerable with you. He found it too daunting to express himself fully with all the attention of his classmates around. It was much easier being only in your company.

You took a deep breath, "I guess- it's just been hard to balance everything recently," You finally spoke, breaking the silence. Katsuki made it easy to open up to, as he had no problem sitting in silence for long extended periods. Others in your life felt the need to fill that silence with useless chatter which always prevented you from sitting in your emotions and being able to formulate them into words.

You took in another breath feeling a lump in your throat form. You hadn't wanted to talk to anyone about what was going on for fear of opening up the flood of emotions and not being able to stop. Now here it was. You didn't want to cry on this fucking hill.

Katsuki patiently waited while you gathered your thoughts.

"It's just been so much and I've been barely keeping up. It's- been getting to me recently. I've been forgetting things I shouldn't. Being unusually upset at things that aren't that big of a deal- and I just- it's dumb." You cut yourself off afraid to say anymore.

"It's not dumb. Don't hold that shit in, it's not healthy," He said encouraging you to keep talking.

You sighed, "I just... know that it could be way worse, and I've been through way worse so- I feel so irritated at myself. What I'm going through now isn't something I can't handle. I know that. So why do I feel so fucking exhausted with everything," You replied wiping a stray tear from your cheek.

"Hmm," Katsuki grunted, processing what you said. "You know, it's ok to be tired, and- to not be perfect. You can't just deny yourself from feeling overwhelmed because it could be worse. If you're exhausted now then those feelings are real- and it's ok to have them," He spoke.

You looked down at the view watching the distant cars pass, "Thanks," You managed to say taking another deep breath.

"You shouldn't wait to handle them until they explode either. Trust me, I know what that's like," He said, causing you to let out a small giggle. "You're too damn hard on yourself you know that?"

You let out a full laugh, "Oh that's pretty good coming from you. You're the pro at having too high expectations for yourself," you laughed.

You and Katsuki were wrapped up in your conversation causing you not to notice approaching classmates in the distance. Mina and Eijiro had also decided to come up the hill after class and spotted both of you in the distance.

"That looks like we shouldn't interrupt," Eijiro said.

"Yeah," Mina agreed. "But maybe... we could get a little closer to make sure everything is ok?" She said, pulling Eijiro into the bushes to spy on you and Katsuki. Eijiro was highly against the plan but was unable to protest for fear of you two hearing.

"Yeah I know I have high expectations for myself... that's why I know what it fucking looks like when you're being too hard on yourself. So- tonight I'm coming to your dorm and, I'm making sure you get to bed at a reasonable fucking time."

Mina's eyes widened as she looked at Eijiro, "Coming to their dorm?!" She whispered, and Eijrio covered her mouth, silencing her.

"You mean Grandpa time at 9 p.m.?"

"Shut up! 9 p.m. is late as hell! You damn idiots just don't know how to have a good sleep schedule! Look I'm making sure you get some sleep and tomorrow I'm taking you out. So- figure out where you want to eat, I don't care where. And I'm not letting you say no you need a break," Katsuki replied.

"You don't have to do that Bakugo."

"Of course, I don't have to but, I want to. So just shut up and let me take care of you ok. You better not be afraid to order enough food this time either! I'm buying so- just get whatever you want, alright?"

"Ok ok," You laughed, feeling your mood brighten.

"Next time, just tell me when you're having a bad day or something. Stop making me drag it out of you. I- worry about you, you know? Now let's go back to the dorms. I see you shivering," He said, beginning to walk back down the hill.

Mina squirmed again under Eijiro's hand, keeping her silent. Her eyes said it all. She was in disbelief at Katsuki's words.

"Here," Katsuki said, holding his hand out and offering it to you. "I'll warm your hand with my quirk," he said.

You grabbed his hand interlacing your fingers with his.

"Don't dare say anything about how sweaty my hands are!" He barked.

You giggled, "How many times do I have to tell you I don't care Bakugo. It's part of your quirk, and your quirk is amazing you shouldn't be self-conscious about it. Besides, I'm always happy to hold your hand," You said as you two walked down the mountain.

"Tch whatever," Katsuki grumbled looking away from you as a small tint grew on his cheeks.

Finally, when you and Katsuki were far enough down the hill, Eijiro released Mina.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!?" Mina exclaimed.

"Shh shhh," Eijiro pleaded.

"WHAT- He wants to take care of them?!? OH MY GOD! They are totally dating right?! That's what he said he's taking them out to eat! And he's sneaking into their dorm! Wait wait- when they held hands it sounded like that had before! AND AND BAKUGO WAS TOTALLY BLUSHING! NO WAY!" Mina said looking like she might pass out from all this information.

"Ashido relax, we shouldn't have heard any of that!" Eijiro replied.

"Yeah but but-" Mina exclaimed, her head spinning. "Who knew Baklugo could actually be so sweet! I can't wait to tell Jiro-" She said, pulling out her phone.

"NO!" Eijiro said, grabbing her phone from her. "Uh- sorry, I didn't mean to be so harsh but- you can't tell anyone what we heard ok?" Eijiro said.

"WHAT?! I just heard Bakugo being the sweetest boyfriend ever and you expect me not to say anything about that?!"

"YES!" Eijiro yelled. "Look they both like their privacy and there is a reason they were all the way up here talking, Ashido. I think we should keep this a secret and let them do things at their own pace ok?" He said, handing Mina back her phone.

"UGH-" She exclaimed letting out a big sigh. "I guess you're right... but wow who would have thought Bakugo could be a decent person much less a good boyfriend." She said.

Eijiro just shrugged at her words, "I don't know he's not a bad guy like you all make him out to be you know."

"Wait! You totally already knew didn't you!" Mina said, slapping Eijiro's shoulder.

"Hey! I mean- Bakugo is my best friend you know, so yeah I did..." He answered truthfully.

"You suck! Keeping secrets like that from me!" Mina said playfully, waving a finger at him.

"I'm sorry, but it's their business you know?" He said.

"Yeah I understand, guess we should go back to the dorms too now," Mina suggested.

"Yeah it is pretty cold up here, let's go." He agreed as they both started to walk down the hill. "I don't have Bakugo's quirk or anything but- if you're cold you can hold my hand too if you want," Eijiro suggested.

Mina's face tinted a darker pink as she reached out and grabbed Eijiro's hand.

Tags: @unofficialmuilover @maddietries

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