#don't talk to me about the difference between never and ever
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hannieehaee · 3 days ago
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How about Joshua with a s/o who always wears baggy clothes and doesnt feel attractive because she doesnt wear revealing ones ?
If u want to write it pls do it only if u are ok with it and feel inspired ♡♡
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content: bf!joshua, established relationship, some talk about insecurities, fluff, etc.
wc: 605
a/n: so sorry i took so long to write this!!
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"hey, babe, have you seen my shirt? you know, the grey one with the loose neck? i thought i- oh."
"huh? what was that?", you asked as you took out an earbud, turning to look at the boy who'd been trying to call your attention.
chuckling, he rounded the kitchen island to reach your side, hands practically attaching to your waist like magnets as he aided you in removing the other earbud, placing both on the counter next to you.
"i was just wondering where my band tee went, but i think i have my answer," he chuckled, pressing a sweet peck to your temple.
"oh, fuck. sorry, josh. do you want it? i can go change," you went to disconnect from him, but he wasnt having it, instead nuzzling his head on your shoulder.
"hm. it smells of my cologne still," he said almost to himself, "you don't have to take it off. i like you in my clothes," he reassured.
you could only scoff.
"your clothes are baggy on me. just like all my other clothes. what difference does it really make?"
joshua shrugged, "just like knowing you're wearing something of mine. you're style's cute. you're cute."
"flattery will get you everywhere, hong," you laughed.
it was one of those nice, domestic moments that occurred every so often. you basked in it, enjoying it before the two of you went back to your regular days.
it wasn't until later that you started to think about what you'd said to joshua earlier.
you did have a tendency to wear baggier clothes. hell, there really was no difference between wearing something of his and a piece of your own. it was incredibly rare for you to show skin or any sort of silhouette, and those instances were really reserved for nights too warm to handle in which you had to opt for some shorts and a tank top.
but even then, you went for looser ensembles. clothes that showed your figure were never really your forte.
you couldn't help but wonder if this ever bothered josh. would he have preferred if your style varied more? what if he thought of you as a prude? maybe he-
"what's got you thinking so loud?", the boy in question interrupted your inner turmoil.
you hadn't realized as you sat in front of your vanity, face wash in hand and still unused, that you'd frozen in place as you thought. his presence in the restroom hadn't registered until he spoke.
"just, uh," you pondered as to whether or not to voice your concerns, but his compassionate smile reflecting on the mirror made you decide, "i was thinking that maybe you'd like it better if i dressed differently? you know, maybe show more skin?"
you voiced it as a question, insecurities building in you as you sought a direct expression of his preferences.
"are you kidding? i like how you dress. and it's not really something that bothers me. you're comfortable and you're beautiful. it's a win-win situation for me," he kind of chuckled as he spoke, finding your question very sudden and unnecessary.
"oh."
you felt a bit dumb now.
"has this been worrying you? you know i'm like obsessed with you, right? you could wear a trash bag and i'd still be as obsessed," he joked, closing in on you similarly to how he'd done earlier in the day.
he finished his statement with a kiss pressed to your lips, humming when you kissed back.
"this just gives me free reign of your closet. i hope you know that," you jested.
"baby, i'm rich. take whatever you want."
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spidybaby · 2 days ago
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Seat 332
Summary: The seat he always reserved for you, it's now hers.
Warnings: cursing.
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You hug Aurora as the two of you jump happy.
"I'm so happy." Aurora says, tearing up a little bit. "I'm sorry, I need a moment." She says, walking out of the room.
You turn to face Gavi. He has the biggest smile anyone could ever have. He opens his arms, walking over to you.
You carefully hug him, head between his neck and shoulder. "I'm so happy for you, Pablito." You say.
He tightens the hug, kissing your forehead. "I'm happy too." He says. "I can't wait to be on the field again."
Gavi got the green light to start training on the training camp, not like the others, but finally, he's able to run, to juggle the ball, to be out.
"And maybe I'll be able to play against Sevilla." He smiles, a smile that might hurt later. "I can't wait."
You separate from the hug, grabbing his cheeks. "I'm going to be there for you, I'll be the loudest on the stadium when I cheer your name." You smile at him.
He moves his hand and places it on the back of your neck, bringing you in for a kiss. You don't waste one second and return the action.
"I kinda like having my own cheerleader." He smirks. Giving you another peck.
You laugh at his tone, grabbing his hand, walking with him to the living room. His parents and Aurora have smiles and tears.
Finally, after so long and after everything Gavi went through, he was able to go back to the field and do what he loved the most, play.
"We are so happy, mijo." Belen says, hugging him. "You are going back to play."
His father joins the hug. They were telling him how happy they were about his return, even when it was just to training.
It was a big step for everybody. After the times when Pablo didn't want to see anyone and used to cry himself out of the frustration of being in bed while his friends played. Horribly but played. (Don't fight me on this, last season was bad)
His family was grateful for your support to Pablo. You have known him since school, and your support was very important to him and to them.
You and pablo were friends, even when you looked like the typical couple. You never officially become anything other than his friend, and tell people that you were fine like that.
"Let's go out to eat." Pablo Sr. says. "We need to celebrate this big moment."
Pablo pulls you to the front door, intertwining your hands. Pablo asked you what you are eating. Naming you different things off the menu.
"I want a piece of cake." He says, opening the door for you. "Want to share?" He asks, passing his arm around your shoulders.
You nod to him, giving him a kiss. You were careful with the picture and places. You know that since you two aren't labeled, you don't want to deal with the fans.
You were fine letting people think you were Aurora's friend. You were thankful to have some pictures with them from when you were kids.
Fans have seen that and thought nothing of it. So they didn't really care when you were with Aurora at the games.
"We are going to Sevilla this weekend." Pablo says. "Want to join us?"
You shake your head no. "I have a lot of work to do." You explain.
He rests his head on your shoulder. "I'm going to miss you." He says, sighing.
Gavi's parents ask you about college. They were happy that it was going well for you. You wanted to be a physiotherapist.
They wanted you to succeed. They have known you since you were a child, and when you went out of your way to help Pablo during his recovery. They got closer to you and got to know you better.
You became closer to him because you two met up at a common friend birthday party. You told him that you moved to Barcelona to study.
He contacted you over Instagram. You two began talking, and then he invited you to a game. You, as a cule, said yes immediately.
Since then, you got closer and started a small fling. You never cared that it was an in and out situation. He was an old friend and he liked you.
Pablo and you excuse yourselves. He has training in the morning, and you were going to help him with his therapy routine.
"Do you want me to help you with your exercise?" You ask, checking on him as he does what his physio instructed him.
He shakes his head no, trying to act tough and uninterested. "I'm almost done." He says.
You enjoy the show he's pulling. His face went from normal to a red one as he refused to ask for help. All that only to look cool for you.
You can't help but laugh at how his arms are shaking thanks to the effort he is putting into the exercise.
"Pablo, let me help you." You say, getting up and walking up to him. Grabbing the weight he's using. "Let's do it together." You say, kissing his temple.
You work out with him. Doing it slowly and helping him take the proper rest in between sets.
"You see?" You ask him. Leaving the weight on the floor. "A little help won't hurt you."
He chuckles, giving you a kiss. "Want to shower with me?" He asks, hiding his sweaty face on your neck.
You nod, grabbing his hand and walking upstairs with him.
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yourusername ♥️💙
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aurorapaezg preciosa ♥️
yourusername te quiero 🤍
pablogavi 🙄🙄🙄
yourusername 🤨?
"Have you noticed that we are always placed in the same seats?" Aurora asks, walking with you around the now empty stadium.
"We do?" You ask, confused. "How do you know that?"
"I was checking the seating on the last few games. Don't ask me why cause I just did it out of boredom."
You turn, looking at where the seats are located. "Never noticed that. We can ask Pablo why is that."
"Ask me what?" Pablo says. He was behind you.
He grabs your arm, pulling you against his chest. You laugh at his roughness. "Pablo!" You say in between giggles.
"Pablo, careful." Aurora warns him.
Pablo shush Aurora, giving you a kiss. You feel him wrapping his arms around you. "What do you wanna ask me, guapa?" He whispers to you before returning to kissing you.
You separate. "I don't even remember anymore." You say, making him chuckle. "Ready to go?" You ask, making him nod.
You were taking them to the airport after the game. Even when he isn't ready to play, he wants you at the games.
He says that it's for you and his family to get used to him playing again. You love it when he includes you into his plans.
"Let's go, lovebirds." Aurora says, walking away from you. "We don't want to hit traffic."
You walk to the car, thanks to the wait in the stadium, there was not much traffic. You needed to pick something at Gavi's house before the airport.
"I'll be quick." Aurora says, running to the house.
Gavi was singing some song he had on the playlist of his recovery. He was focused on his phone.
You then remember what Aurora told you about the seats. You want to ask him, so you turn the music down.
"I just remembered what I wanted to ask you." You tell him, bomping his nose with your finger.
"A ver, dime."
"Aurora pointed out that we always sit in the same seats." You explain. "Why is that?" You ask.
He smiles, getting closer to you and giving you a small kiss. "I memorized where the seat was." He explains. His fingers combing your hair. "That way, when I scored, I know where to look. I know that you'll be there."
You can't help the big smile that you have. He was looking for you after every goal. After every asist, he knows where to look to find you.
"Seat 332" He says. "That's the one I always ask for."
You were about to say something, but Aurora joined the two of you in the car. She apologizes for the inconvenience of having to stop at Pablo's house for her makeup bag.
"Let's go!" She says happy. "I can't wait to be home."
You smile, happy that they got to go home. The rest of the drive consists of Pablo singing every song that plays and Aurora asking you to change the song because Pablo was ruing it.
When you got to the airport, Gavi helped his sister with the luggage. Telling her that he will carry them for her.
"I'll call you when I'm back." He says, putting his head inside the car. "A kiss goodbye?" He makes duck lips.
You giggle, giving him a kiss. "Have fun, bye."
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You liked Gavi's story. Answering his dm. He let you know that he was still in Sevilla and that he was having fun.
You forgot to answer him. You were busy with some paperwork you were procrastinating. You needed to finish if you want to see him after he come back from Sevilla.
You tell him that you will be out of the radar for a few days, and when he comes back you will text him when you are free.
You spend your days working and going to uni. You had to study hard if you want to pass with a good grade.
Aurora told you that she gave your greetings to your abuelita and that she sent you something with Pablo.
You thank her and tell her that you'll talk to Pablo to get whatever she sent you. Going back to the books and the studying.
You spend more than you should without reporting you. Gavi went missing in action, too.
You didn't even notice, your phone was running in low battery from all the working and studying you are doing.
You were going back to your place, happy that you finally get to relax and to be free from all the books, all the papers and all the sleepless nights.
You find a very known car parked in front of your house. You get down of your own car, passing beside it like you didn't know.
"Hello, señorita." Gavi says, smiling with such pride. "I'm looking for someone. Maybe you can help me."
"Oh, hi Mister." You follow his act. "Can you describe this person to me?"
"She's pretty." He began, taking his glasses. "Very pretty. She's a very smart girl, with beautiful hair and a very pretty shiny eyes."
You blush with his words. You love it when Gavi talks about you like that. It makes you feel some type of way.
"I might know her." You answer shyly.
He laughs at your red cheeks. He exits his car, walking over to you and hugging you. "I missed you." He whispers in your ear. Leaving a kiss there.
"I missed you too," you say to him. "Let's get inside. It's really hot." You wave air with your hand.
You grab his hand and open your door. You noticed he has something in his hands. You look at him with a doubtful expression.
"Your abu sends you this." He hands you the bag. "She mentioned to me that you need to open it and try it."
You thank him for bringing you what your grandma sent you. You even thank him for going to see her and spend time with her.
You spend the rest of the day with him, cuddle on the couch, and watch his favorite movies. He was telling you about his family reunion, his trips around Sevilla. Everything.
"What if we go out to eat?" He asks, kissing your hair. "I know I shouldn't break the diet, but I just want to go out with you."
You nod, kissing him and going to freshen up. You fix your hair and brush your teeth. Apply more lip oil and reapply perfume.
He drives to your favorite restaurant, he asks for a corner table, not wanting to he spotted or bother when he's with you.
You tell him about your last few days, how stressed you were, and why you didn't answer any of his texts.
He loves hearing you talk about your day, even when it was just a ramble of two things or about the same thing over and over but in different situations.
"Do you want dessert?" He asks.
You shake your head no. You want to even unbutton your jeans because of how full you feel. Even breathing makes you feel fuller.
"Then let me pay, and we are on our way." He says, calling the waitress to pay.
You two walk out of the restaurant. Gavi has a hoodie that he had in his car. He asks you if you want to walk around, you say yes.
"Mom says that when she's back, she will teach you how to make that cake you loved." He smiles, hugging you by the waist. "That way, when you learn how to make it, you can make it for me."
"I will make it for you whenever you want to." You kiss his cheek. "Stay with me tonight, yes?"
He nods, tightening the grip he has on you. You two pass a man selling single roses. Gavi bought one for you. Handing it to you and stealing a quick kiss.
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"Do you want to go out tonight?" Alexa, your friend, asks you.
"I can't. Have something to do." You lie.
That thing you had to do was Pablo coming over to stay inside with you. He called you earlier and asked you to be home.
He was getting food for the two of you and wanted to see this new movie that he was too busy to see.
"Okay then." She shrugged. "If you change your mind, we are going to be at La Bodega. Text me." You nod, saying goodbye.
You drive home, listening to your shared playlist that Gavi created for you. That way, when you were together, the songs you liked were going to mix.
As soon as you get home, you clean the small mess you have in the living room. You take a shower to erase the sweat from the weather.
You decide to watch your show while you wait. Making time for Gavi to get out of whatever he's doing.
After a few episodes, you realize that Pablo was later than what he usually is. You check your phone to see if he texted you or something.
Nothing.
You sent him a text asking if he was okay. You want to make sure that it was just him being late, or maybe he got caught up doing something else.
After the first five minutes, you thought < maybe he's busy >
After ten, you started to worry. < what if during recovery, he hurt himself? >
After more than an hour, you decide to call him. The beeping of the line and the authorized voice of his voice mail made you even more worried.
You tried again. Nothing.
You calm yourself, maybe he got busy with something and couldn't come. Maybe he's in a meeting and you were interrupting.
You continue watching your show, trying to leave the worry away. He was fine. He has to be.
You get up and prepare yourself some instant Ramen. Your plans of waiting for Pablo are now long forgotten.
You didn't understand, but you didn't make it bigger. Two missed calls and a few unread texts were everything you did, and it was enough.
At one time, you turn your tv off. Walking to your room and getting into bed. You check your phone one last time, confirming that Pablo read your texts but didn't answer them.
He was going to explain himself later. It was all okay.
But... was it?
Pablo took not one day or maybe two. It took him five days before he showed up at your door.
You might think that after the texts, the missed calls, after you basically were dead worried about him.He was going to explain himself.
Thar he was going to give you the resume of what happened for him to be ignoring you like that.
But no, Pablo didn't do that.
He even asked you why you were blowing up his phone. HE was confused.
"Gavi, you told me you were coming and when you didn't. I got worried." You tell him, sitting next to him on the coach. "I even thought that maybe something happened to you during recovery."
He opens his eyes. "No, don't say that." He chuckles. "God, no."
"Then what happened?" You ask, hand on his cheek. "Tell me."
He thinks for a while, not sure what to tell you to calm you down.
"Aurora and Javi got into a fight." He says. "And I needed to be there for her. You understand that my sister was in distress and I wasn't going to leave her alone. I'm sorry I got busy, I really am."
You calm down, believing his dumb story. "No, you did the right thing." You say, caressing his skin. "I just got worried, that's all."
He pushed your head towards him. Giving you a kiss. "I'll make it up." He smiles, not worried Bout a single thing. "Now, why don't we watch that movie I told you about?" He asks, kissing you again.
You nod, letting the whole thing slide.
Oh boy, you were wrong for that.
After letting Pablo get away with that, he started to act differently. You blame it on him being stressed about the Sevilla game. Maybe he wanted to train extra hard and be prepared for anything.
You call him out for that. He apologized and invited you out. Insisting on going to dinner as a way for him to apologize.
He asked you to meet there since he was going straight up after training. He told you that the Mister decided for training to be in the evening.
You got yourself ready. Got your makeup on, your pretty hair well done. You got your nice perfume on.
All of that for him to be more than an hour late.
"Hey!" You say calling the waitress attention. "Can I get the check?"
She takes a look at your table, the empty bottle of soda, and your sad look was enough for her to feel bad.
"It's okay." She smiles. "It's on the house."
You thank her, already feeling too embarrassed to fight her for the check. You left some money for her, as a thank you.
You drive home, mad that you let this happen. You were expecting more from him, only to be let down by your own expectations.
You log into social media, trying to forget about your anger at him, only to find out a picture of him from only like thirty minutes ago.
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gavirafan06 Gavi with a fan tonight.
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ferminxgavi wait is that the girl they are talking about on twitter?
gavirafan06 apparently they were out with his sister and his mom 🤔
masialover10 they say her user is @/antogmz but her account is private tho
He was out with someone else, and his mom and sister were with him.
You were waiting for him, and he didn't even have the decency of calling you and canceled the date.
You throw your phone to the bed. Went to the bathroom and did your skincare. You feel down, Gavi wasn't like that. Not with you.
You give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was a fan who was casually in the back or someone else.
You don't want to make assumptions. You want him to explain himself. Even when you already decided that he was innocent.
Aurora called you the next day. Asking you if you wanted to go out and have some lunch together. You agreed to meet her.
She asked you to pick her up, thing that you agree with, too. You got ready and drove to her brother's house.
You want to talk with Gavi, ask him why he didn't showed up, but you don't want to look pushy or like a bother.
You ring the doorbell. After a few seconds, you are greeted by Belen. She got happy to see you, hugging you and pulling you inside the house.
You make small talk with her, she mentioned how much she wants you to come over so you can learn those food recepies you always ask her.
"I promise that I'll make time to come sometime around this week." You say, waving goodbye at her.
Aurora and you walk out. She was happy to see you and be able to talk to you. You were happy too, she was an amazing friend to you.
"Are you coming tonight?" She asks casually.
You look at her, confused about what she's talking about.
"What's tonight?" You ask. "I've been busy, and I've been forgetting things, sorry." You say, pretending to understand what she meant.
"Pablo is hosting a barbecue. His friends from Sevilla are in town, and he wants to celebrate with them." She exolains to you. "You remember now?" She laughs.
You nod, smiling at her. You feel your stomach turning. Gavi got the friends you two have in common, invited them, and left you out.
"Aurora, can I ask you a question?" You ask her.
"You just did." She jokes, making you roll your eyes as you chuckle. "Go on, ask me."
"But, promise me you'll be honest with me." You say, frown in your face.
She stops eating to look at you with a serious face. "Of course. What is going on?"
You think the question a few moments. You don't know how to deliver it and make it sound like a doubt, and not like a desperate thing.
"Is Gavi seeing anyone?" You finally ask.
She starts coughing. Lifting her hand for you to give her a moment. "Sorry, I ate too quickly." She lies.
You hand her the glass of water, trying to help her pass the food. "You okay?"
She nods, gaining composure. "Sorry, yes. I am." She says, drinking water. "Why are you asking me that?" She asks back.
You shrug. "He's been kind of ghosting me." You explain. "And I don't want to hurt myself and think that maybe what we have is going to work and then find out that he is seeing someone else."
She softened the expression on her face. "Y/n." She sighs. "Pablo likes you more than he cares to confess." She says, grabbing your hand. "Believe me when I tell you that he only thinks about you."
You smile at her. Happy with her answer.
"He's been busy." She excuses him. "With all the training and him wanting to be as ready as possible for the match, I think he's been out of the blue."
You nod, understanding that he was worried about his comeback. Busy with his own life and trying to make it out as if.
"Well, I'm calmer now that you tell me that." You smile at her. "Thank you." You say, squishing her hand.
You go on with your day, the bright smile you have on your face was something nobody was taking away.
You drive Aurora home, asking her to tell her mom that yoh will be back to learn everything she wants to teach you.
You then drive back home. You need to finish some projects. You texted Gavi, letting him know that Aurora told you Bout the barbecue and asking if he needed anything.
He only texted that he would come over to talk.
You don't pay mind to that. Finishing with your homework and even using the free time to do some upcoming projects.
You don't notice the time passing by, until someone knocks on your door. You check the time. It was 5 pm.
"Hola," you smile at Gavi. Moving to the side to let him in. "Before you say anything, Aurora already told me that you've been busy and very tired and I totally understand why you forgot about dinner."
He frowns, not even understanding what you meant by that. "Okay." He says, shrugging. "Talking about Aurora, you told me she invited you over tonight?" He asks.
You nod happy. "She did. That's why I was asking if you needed me to bring something."
He scratches the back of his neck. Trying to find a way to say what he was about to say.
"Are you oka-" You were asking, until you got interrupted by him.
"You can't come." He says. The serious tone of his voice makes you shiver.
You frown. Looking at him not understanding.
"What?"
He sighs. "You are not invited." He says, looking annoyed. "Aurora wasn't supposed to invite you, and frankly, I don't want you there."
You feel the knife stabbing you in the heart. He didn't want you there. You stayed silent for a few minutes.
He's trying to read your blank expression, but he can't.
Your vision becomes blurry. "Oh." You whisper. "Okay."
He feels bad about hurting your feelings.
"Y/n, list-"
"You should go." You interrupt him. "It's getting late, and you'll have people over." You say, walking to the kitchen.
You don't want him to see you cry, but you can't help the sob that scapes your lips. That makes him feel even worse.
"Preciosa, listen." He tries one more time.
"No, Pablo." You turn around mad. "You need to leave." You say, stern tone. "Now!"
You clean your tears. You refuse to cry in front of him. You don't want to show him how much this situation is affecting you.
"Why are you so mad?" He asks, exasperated. "You act as if you are my fucking girlfriend." He shouts.
You pass from the sadness to anger in one sentence. Your fight mode activates.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Pablo." You say, trying to hide the angry sob that scapes your lips. "I'm sorry that I act as if I'm someone you treat me like. I'm sorry I'm crying because I genuinely thought that you cared about me, and now I'm realizing that you don't. "
He rolls his eyes. That only makes you feel so much fury.
"I do care about you." He says. "But fuck, I never told you we were a thing. You assumed things up, and now you are blaming me for it."
You let out a laugh. "I assumed?" You ask. "I assumed things up when you called me all those nicknames? Huh?" You start pointing out. "I assumed things up when you held my hand, kissed my lips, slept over in my bed? Huh?"
He's silent, knowing that there's no going back from here. "Liste-"
"No!" You shout. "Did I assumed things up when you were fucking me?" You ask, the bitter tone is evident. "I gave you everything, Pablo. And you can't even give me a decent excuse. Are you really blaming me?"
"Did I asked you to give me all that?" He asks.
That simple question makes you understand everything. Your energy got all down. You don't even want to keep talking.
"You are right." You nod. "You can leave now, message received."
He stops the hard frown that's on his face. He softens his look. What he just did was not what he wanted to happen.
He wanted for you to understand that he never wanted something serious, but he let it go for more than he should.
And even when he does like you, he can't be with you like he wants to. He needs to keep his distance, and you are making things more difficult than it should be.
"Go, please." You beg, trying to hold the tears. "Enjoy your party, and I hope you enjoy playing again."
You walk away from him. If he wanted to stand there, you weren't going to see it. You slam the door of your room.
You place a pillow on your face, yelling the frustration on it. Shutting the scream that your heart was letting out.
Gavi left, slamming the door on his way out. He cursed everything that was on his view radar. Blaming himself and his stupid boy mind. But not enough for him to turn around and do the right thing.
You cry into your pillow. You are hurt and confused about why he was acting like that.
He wasn't your Pablo, the one who brings you flowers just because.
He wasn't your Pablo, the one who takes you out on dates and walks after training because he misses you. Even when he saw you before training.
He wasn't your Pablo.
But not even Pablo was your Pablo.
You feel tired and falling asleep during the crying process.
When you woke up with a headache and puffy red eyes, you know it wasn't a dream. Gavi just told you that he doesn't see you the way you see him.
You got up, walked to your bathroom, and washed your face. You shrugged and decided to take a shower.
Your day began good, you even had some fun time with Aurora. Who would've thought that I was going to be the last time you did that.
You slowly do your night routine, trying to feel better. As if that's what you need. You order take out and decide to eat it while watching your show.
When you get tired, you open your Instagram. The first post is a story Gavi posted. You click on it and enter his profile, unfollowing him.
You think for a second. Angerly deciding that you were not only going to do that but also blocking him in the process.
You went then to your feed, refreshing it after a while. It didn't have anything good for you to engage.
You move to Twitter. The first thing you find is a tweet about this girl named Antonella. She apparently was Gavi's new fling.
You read through the tweets, finding out that she was the girl that the Instagram comments were talking about.
You read that someone mentioned her Instagram account. Deciding that it wasn't enough pain for one day, you went back to Instagram. Searching her.
You click her profile, noticing something very interesting. She follows you. You clicked on "follow back" requesting to follow her.
You don't have to wait that long after she accepts your follow request. You go straight to her posts, stalking her like a crazy fan.
You find something very interesting. Gavi liked and commented on her posts. But that didn't really surprised you.
It was Aurora's likes and comments on her page. Commenting like she knew her from all her life. You were closed to the two of them, and you can't remember anyone with that name or that looks.
You click on her story, only to find out why Gavi didn't want you at his barbecue.
antogmz has added to her story
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You know Pablo a little too much to recognize him. And even if you have a little doubt about it, the background gives you all the answers.
He was at his house. He threw a party with all the friends you thought you two shared. But they aren't your friends if they know he's with someone else and decide to hide it from you.
You block your screen. Tired of going out of your way to make Gavi someone so on top of everything. You can't keep putting him before you. Not anymore.
What hurt you the most was that Aurora knew about it.
You can't blame her for siding with Gavi. She's his sister, so it was obvious that she was going to prioritize him over you.
But when you asked her if Pablo was seeing someone else, she denied it. Telling you that he likes you and that he only thinks about you.
She lied to you, giving you fake expectations.
You blink the tears away. You don't want to cry. You already feel dumb enough to keep humiliating yourself for him.
After a while, you open your phone again, you don't want to think about him. You start to see the insta stories of your friends.
That's when you see the one from Aurora.
aurorapaezg has added to her closefriends.
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You see the tags on her story. It was everyone. The only one who wasn't invited was you. And you can't get mad, the sadness overpowering every feeling.
You tried to distract yourself, checking your feed again to see what's happening. Maybe finding a funny video or something. But no.
You click on that one picture even when you know it was going to hurt.
gavixpedri
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gavixpedri New picture of Gavi and his alleged girlfriend @antogmz in his Barcelona home.
There's rumors that she's going to be at the game against Sevilla. If that's true, then this will confirm their relationship.
Gavi and Anto have been linked up since a few weeks ago. People from Sevilla mentioned that he was seen with her on different occasions.
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gavilover9 I thought aurora's friend was his girlfriend
gavixpedri No 😭 she's only a friend after all
barcamessi10 this is the hardest launch I've ever experienced 😭😭😭 he was in recovery a few weeks ago and now he has a girlfriend
gavixpedri I knowwww 😔 we missed a lot of chapters. I stayed at the one where Y/n and him were allegedly a thing 😭
This was from the same night that he left you waiting on the restaurant. He was with her.
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You try to stay as low profile as you could. Gavi tried to contact you over text and tried calling. You left all his messages go to voice mail and made sure to mark as read all his texts.
You were coming back from Uni when you found that particular car parked in front of your house. You take your keys out, walking without stopping.
You were about to walk inside your house when you felt an arm pulling you away from the door.
"Just give me five minutes." He begged.
"No!" You say, stern tone. "Let go off me." You order him.
"Four?"
"Let go off me, Pablo." You say again.
"Only one, please. I'm begging you." He beggs.
Those stupid puppy eyes he has are making the devils work. You can't say no to that, and he knows it.
"I'm counting, so you better start talking." You say, lifting your arm to see your watch.
He let go of your arm. "I'm fucking sorry I ever spoke to you in that way." He says, words coming out of his mouth as if he was rapping some Eminem song. "You are someone I find really important to me, and if I ever gave you the impression of liking you is because I really do. I just don't want to hurt you." He pauses to take a break.
You pull your arm down. "Ironic, cause you did hurt me." You say, trying not to sound so harsh.
"And I really regret everything. You are my friend and I shouldn't have played you like I did. I really want you back in my life. I just don't know how to work as a partner. That's why when you never asked me to label our relationship, I was fine with it because you were too."
"Did I ever tell you I was okay with that?" You ask, interrupting him.
He shakes his head no. "I'm sorry."
"Fine, apology accepted." You say. "Now, your time is over. Have a nice day, Pablo."
You were about to turn, but his hands stopped you. "I have this for you." He says, handing you a pass.
"What is this?" You ask confused, not taking it in your hands.
"It's a pass for tonight's match." He smiles. "I'm finally playing, and I want you there. You helped me in my recovery, and I can't thank you enough." He says, scratching the back of his neck. "I know I'm an asshole, I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry. But please, please, please come to the game." He says, begging again.
You look at the pass in his hand, not sure if you should take it or not.
"Please, at least take it and think about it." He says.
You nod, grabbing the pass from him. You then turn back and walk into your house. You close the door after you.
You look at the pass, it says your number and your seat. < Seat 332 >
Just like always.
You left the pass on your table. Not quite sure if you should go. What if his friends and family looked at you weirdly over you coming to his game?
You shake that idea out of your mind. Gavi's family loved you. Maybe not as his partner, but as the girl who helped him during his worse times.
And that was something nobody was taking from you. Ever.
You try to not think about the pass. You clean your house, you cooked lunch, you watch your show.
You even take a shower, something refreshing.
When you open your closet, you see the jersey. Mayne ut was a sign. Maybe you should go.
You take it as a sign for you to go. You changed into something appropriate for the game. You apply some light makeup and walk out to the stadium.
You were late, and you got into the stadium thanks to Gavi's pass. He asked beforehand for you to be allowed to get in, even if it was only a few minutes left of the game.
A security officer walks you to the vip section. You thank him for allowing you in, he just nodded and left.
You walk into the vip section. Standing over at the doors of the door that's dividing the seats from the lobby.
You noticed that Gavi was about to get subbed in. Everyone on the section was standing and clapping for him.
You can hear people chanting and screaming his name. Everyone was happy about it.
They were all too excited that people didn't really take a seat during the last eleven minutes of the game. That's all that Gavi played, including extra time.
People clapped at the fact that Barca won five to one. You can feel the tears in your eyes.
The longest eleven months of your life. At the same time, those months were short when it came to helping Pablo recover.
Pablo was looking over at the section you were in. People are still up, slowly seating down because it is the vip section. People don't just walk away.
Then the people that left are gone, and people are seated back. You were about to walk into your seat but you noticed something.
She was in your seat.
You look back at the field, finding his eyes on you. You move your eyes from him to the seat. Where she was waving her hand trying to get his attention.
You feel your vision getting blurry. Understanding that it wasn't your seat to take anymore.
It was hers.
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🏷: @gadriezmannsgirl 🤍
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canonicallyobserving911 · 3 days ago
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Buddie: I'm excited to see what's next for Buck, Eddie and Chris
Going forward, unless it's for reference purposes, I will NO LONGER post anything about BT 2.0.
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Before I explain why I won't be posting anything about BT 2.0, I'll begin with a brief summary. In 2021, I watched "The Shooting" live (related post linked here) and it was one of the best scenes in television I'd ever seen. Since then, I've probably watched it more than a hundred times and during the hiatus between seasons 4 and 5, I purchased every episode of 9-1-1's previous seasons and I spent the entire summer watching seasons 2 - 4 because I wanted to know more about Buck and Eddie's relationship. I noticed the emotional and casual intimacy they shared and when I compared it to the relationships they had with love interests, it was easy to see there was a huge and noticeable difference.
My excitement for the show dramatically increased before season 5 began in September 2021 and later that year, I found the Buddie fandom here on Tumblr and I was even more excited because I didn't know fandoms for TV shows even existed. By the time April 2022 rolled around, I finally decided to rejoin Tumblr (after being off it for a while) because I wanted to communicate with people who liked Buddie and the Buckley-Diaz family.
I started out by doing small posts regarding the things I noticed but a whole knew world was opened to me after I started reading METAs fanfics and theories along with viewing GIF sets and fanart. It didn't take me long to start posting my own METAs and speculations and I when I wanted to add GIFs to my posts, I taught myself how to make them on my iPad. In January 2023, I started posting some of the fanfics I wrote during season 5 and my fandom experience was further enhanced. It was an exciting time and I loved every minute of it.
Even though Season 5 was exhausting as hell because of BT 1.0, I still enjoyed it because of Eddie's PTSD arc and the Buckley-Diaz family scenes that were included. Eddie's my favorite character and I was happy to see him moving forward with his therapy and his life in general. BT 1.0 was dragged out for the entire season but season 6 looked promising... at least it did until it ended. I spent more than three months writing "Constructive Criticism" posts about all the things I didn't like and I was on the fence about whether I was even going to watch season 7. But after the str*kes ended and the promos for the new season began airing on a new network looked promising, I was excited again especially since the original showrunner (TM) had returned from LS and I couldn't wait to see where he would take Buck's and Eddie's storylines.
Similar to the title of episode 2x17, I should have been careful about what I wished for because even though it started out strong, after the opening disaster, it turned into a complete and utter dumpster fire and my experience in this fandom not only became exhausting; it was horrifically horrible because of a kiss between Buck and a PLOT DEVICE. Almost immediately, Buddie shippers started being harassed and were sent asks from blank blogs (they weren't anonymous for me because I don't accept those) telling shippers to stop posting about Buddie because they were never going to be better than BT and that we should just accept BT because they were CANON 🙄.
Anyway, needless to say, the last 7 months have been pure hell because of toxic BT Stans who have no boundaries, morals or fandom etiquette. Therefore, since I can't control anyone but myself, this morning, I made a decision that going forward, I'm turning the page on the BT 2.0 relationship because it's over and I'm tired of talking about it. I don't give a rat's ass about why TM chose to do what he did and why they didn't let Buck learn anything from it especially since this wouldn't have happened if whatever they were doing had ended in 7x5 but I digress.
Be clear, this is not a vague post at anyone in particular. I'm simply stating that I will no longer participate in fandom discourse about that relationship because I'm sick of it and I'm f~cking glad it's finally done. For me, it's taken a backseat just like EddieShannon, EddieMarisol, EddieAna, BuckAbby, BuckTaylor, BuckAli and BuckNaTalia because they're over and the characters are barely being mentioned in CANON, if at all. I'm done posting about these 'sunk ships' and the only time I'll include them in a blog post is when I have to reference them. Otherwise, I've moved on and I will not add anti BT or anti TK tags to my posts unless it's for blacklisting and filtering purposes because I don't give a flying f~ck about T.K. 2.0 anymore.
Now that it's over, I'm excited about writing Buddie METAs, speculations and theories again. Prior to season 8, I stopped writing them because I didn't want to and I didn't have the energy or the desire to do it due to all the toxicity. Since I was tired of being jump scared, I stopped watching live after 7x6 aired and even though I did watch 7x10, I wished I hadn't because it was a big nothing burger.
I'm excited because I don't have to worry about seeing Buck with that one-dimensional love interest who couldn't act his way out of a paper bag.
This Thursday, for the first time in months, I'll be watching live again and I might live blog the episode. I miss doing that and I can't wait to see what's going to happen with the call on the "Hotshots" set that has a fake firefighter hanging from the aerial and I wonder if Eddie will have flashbacks about the night him and Buck got struck by the same bolt of lightning.
The purpose of this long post is to say, I've moved on and I will no longer dedicate any of my blog space, writings or anything else to that relationship because the character doesn't deserve my attention. It's even more exhausting than BT 1.0 and they were in a relationship for the entirety of season 5.
Since I love Eddie, I'm ready to focus my METAs and speculation on what's next for him. I was planning to do a long post on 8x6 but I won't since I've already done two long posts about BT 2.0's breakup. So now my attention will be focused solely on Eddie until I finish the posts I want to do regarding his scenes. I loved the fact that he got the majority of the screen time at the end of 8x6 and when Buck showed up, that made it even better.
I ONLY SHIP BUDDIE! I ALWAYS HAVE AND I ALWAYS WILL.
I've turned the page and I'm excited to see where Buddie is going next. I'm ready for them to enjoy spending time together again without Temu third wheeling and infringing on their relationship. I'm ready for their son to come home so the Buckley-Diazes can spend time together again too. I don't know when Chris will return but I don't think it was a coincidence that there was a picture of him on the sofa table that's next to the door underneath a picture of Texas especially since it was in the middle of Eddie and Buck.
So, here's to me being excited for Buddie and ignoring anything BT 2.0 related 🥳🍾🥂🎆.
I'm ready to enjoy my Buddie fandom experience again by creating METAs, theories, speculation, GIF sets and continuing to write fanfics and I can't wait!
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hetalian-veteran · 2 days ago
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Art Styles I Personally Think the Hetalia Characters Looked Their Best In (and Why) Part 2
Link to Part 1, Link to Part 3
Please note that I am referring to the show and not the webcomic. This is primarily because I didn't always have access to the webcomic and thus the show is what I've always been most familiar with. I will also refrain from talking about characters that have only appeared in one season.
Also, please keep in mind that these are just my opinions. And if you have any different ideas of what designs looked better, that's totally okay. At the end of the day, I'm just here to have fun.
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America: Seasons 1-4
It was kind of hard to choose which design was best for America, seeing as they are all very similar to one another while also having different qualities that I liked. But I ultimately settled on the one from the first four seasons. I adore the WWII bomber jacket, as well as how the character in general was animated back then. Not to mention that the older art style just fits him so well. A lot of Americans have an "if it ain't broke don't fix it" attitude about things, so I find it fitting that, at least in my opinion, this also works for aph America. He looks great everywhere else, but I won't deny I have a nostalgia for the original. This was an exceptionally close tie with his design for season 5. Not to mention I once drew aph America fanart for an art project in middle school and got an A on it.
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England: Season 5
Okay, I'm gonna be real here. This all came down to the eyebrows. Well, not entirely, but it definitely played a large part. I never had a problem with England's design in seasons 1-4, but those eyebrows though. They were so distracting. I understand wanting to give characters a prominent feature that makes you go, "Yep this is (insert character here)." But I think England's eyebrows were too overdone in the previous seasons. However, I also believe they were far too thin and lightened up in seasons 6-7. Season 5 had a good balance. Not too thick but not too thin. Also, I feel like his facial structure and design made him look kinda weird in season 7.
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China: Season 5
So... I'm gonna be honest here. All of the other designs for China make him look like a young girl to me. Yes, he still looks sorta feminine in season 5, but not like he appears in seasons 1-4 and 6-7. In season 5 he actually looks more like an adult man to me. Not to mention his hair. Because holy crap that is some of the most beautiful hair I have ever seen put to animation
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Russia: Season 6
This was a close tie between all his designs, but it ultimately came down the hair. Yes, I know, I talk about the characters hair a lot. But that really was the deciding factor for Russia. All his designs look great in that the long coat and vertical lines throughout give me the impression of a Russian nesting doll. Now, whether that was intentional on Hima's part or not, I cannot say. But it's a cool detail that I always notice whenever I see him. When it comes to his season 6 design, I like not only how innocent he looks (which is an important part of the design Hima intended from the beginning), but that his hair has some more fun detail too it. It looks so soft and fluffy, not like the previous designs that made it look like he had water dumped on his head.
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France: Season 5
What can I say about this design that hasn't been said already? The only other character who had a bigger glow-up than France was Spain (who you can see my opinions on in a previous post). Literally everything here is an upgrade from his design through seasons 1-4. His hair looks so silky and soft, not like that yellow plastic we had earlier. Also, the hair ribbon tying it back looks so elegant and refined, fitting perfectly with the character. I also love the small detail of the ribbon being the same color of his eyes. It's a nice touch. His outfits this season are great as well. They are very simple, but still elegant, with soft, curved lines and balancing both warm and cool colors. Especially in his outfit during the Joan of Arc episode.
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Canada: Season 5
I think I'm starting to have a favorite season in terms of character designs here. Canada just looks his cutest here, primarily because of his outfits. He has one of the most adorable and cozy wardrobes this season, and I want to raid this man's entire closet. I love the flannels and cozy jackets and hoodies that he has. As someone who grew up most of her life in northwest Montana (which, if you ask the rest of the US, is basically just lower Canada), I think I have to be a little biased here. Canada's design gives me the feeling of home in a way, and this is definitely a wardrobe that I embrace for a time growing up.
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Austria: Seasons 1-4
The hair curl in his cowlick hits harder here, just getting that out of the way. There's more of a curl to it, which is more reflective of Himaruya's art style. And even though his wardrobe in the latter seasons is great, this one all around looks better to me. I like the royal blue lined with the deep red. And the cravat is just a fabulous detail that I love. Now that I think about it, everything about this design just feels very Himaruya. Like, this is one of his best character designs. There's also the placement of the mole on the bottom right-hand side of his face. In other designs, it's not as prominent. But here it's easier to see. I feel like it makes the design all the more unique.
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Hungary: Seasons 1-4
THIS. This design for aph Hungary is top tier, and nobody can convince me otherwise. Something that has always intrigued me about Hungary is that she was raised primarily around men. So much so to the point where she saw herself as one growing up. But when she got older and realized she was actually a woman, she ended up adopting more feminine clothing and characteristics. Aph Hungary is a female character who balances both feminine and masculine traits. And her design from seasons 1-4 emulate this balance perfectly. Her long hair is a pale brown color, and her eyes a dark green. Unlike later seasons where she's given long, shiny, elegant hair and sparkling eyes. She's often found wearing either military uniforms or pretty dresses. We even see the evolution of her fashion from child to adult, where she goes from wearing her hair shorter to wearing it longer and with a flower. Her design encapsulates the idea that, yes, she is a woman. Yes, she is feminine. But at the same time, this is someone who has seen war and battle. (I might have to do a separate post about Hungary, because her design and character are honestly fascinating).
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lucy90712 · 3 days ago
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Puppy- Pedri
Life has been a lot recently I moved away from my hometown and my parents to move in with my boyfriend after being long distance for nearly two years. Getting to live with him has been amazing I love Pedri so much and now we don't have to miss each other in between being able to visit one another. Moving from Tenerife to Barcelona has also meant I needed to find a new job which luckily didn't take long so I've just started at a new company and moved which is a lot all at once but so far it's been mostly good.
I do feel like I'm kind of just getting through each day I wake up and then I'm at work and then I come back home again. My life doesn't feel like my life anymore I had a whole routine back home but now everything is different and I don't have the little things in my routine that helped each day feel less mundane. The best part of my day is when Pedri gets home and we can cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie which has become a daily routine. Don't get me wrong I love my new life as I get to be with Pedri but it's a lot of change all at once and I feel like it's finally catching up to me and I'm starting to miss home a little. 
It's going to take some time to get used to being here but I'm sure eventually Barcelona will start to feel like home and I'll forget all about this time where I felt out of place. I know this is where I'm supposed to be as otherwise Pedri would've never come into my life and he's definitely the best thing that's ever happened to me. When we get used to living together and I get used to the city I'm sure it will all be perfect right now we are just going through an adjustment period. 
Pedri's POV
Like most days when Y/n got home she seemed stressed until she saw me then she put a fake smile on her face. I can tell she's faking it because the smile didn't reach her eyes like it always does when she's actually smiling. I know the move has been a lot on her we both knew the first few weeks would be hard but I can tell she's still struggling and that just breaks my heart. It's not that she doesn't want to be here as when we go places together she really enjoys herself but whenever I have to leave her or she goes to work the next time I see her she looks stressed and just generally unhappy. 
I should've known that moving so far from home and getting a new job all at the same time would be hard for her but I underestimated how big of a change that would be for her. I remember when I first moved here I didn't know anyone and it was my first time living alone it was scary and I missed home a lot and that must be how y/n feels as I know she is really close to her family so not being close to them distance wise anymore is difficult. I want to do something to make her feel more at home here but I have no idea what the right thing to do is as I can't just magically help her settle in. 
This has been on my mind for a few days and I can't decide the right thing to do so I've decided that I'm going to ask some of the other guys if they have any ideas. I've told Ferran about my dilemma but he was no use and the same goes for Gavi neither of them gave me any serious ideas they just joked around like they always do. Asking them made it clear that I need to talk to one of the older guys who might actually offer some sensible advice. 
"Hey Raphinha can I get your advice on something?" I asked 
"Of course man what's up" he said 
"You know y/n moved in with me a few months ago well I just feel like she hasn't fully settled in and I don't know what to do she just seems stressed and unhappy" I said 
"That's hard she must just miss home I know this isn't the answer your looking for but time is the best thing for that and just talk to her asking her how she feels will help you understand what you can do to take some of the stress away" he advised 
"Thanks man I'll definitely talk to her" I said 
"Wait Pedri did you say y/'s missing home" one of coaches said from across the hallway 
"Yeah she just seems to be lonely I guess she's only got me and anyone I've introduced her to so when we aren't around that's when she seems to be the worst" I said 
"This might not be the solution you're looking for but my brother found a puppy dumped in a bin last night maybe having something in the house would help y/n feel less lonely if you want to meet the puppy I'll give you my brothers number" he said 
"Actually that sounds like a great idea" I said 
Getting a puppy was definitely not something I'd planned on doing for a while as I'm not around as much as I would need to be to look after a dog and I didn't want to put that all on y/n as she's getting used to life here but maybe it would be good for her. Having a little puppy around the house to keep her company while I'm not around sounds like a great idea to me and she can meet new people taking the dog for a walk. 
~~~~~~~~~~
After seeing the puppy my mind was made up he was so sweet and he reminded me a lot of the family dog y/n has back home which seemed like a sign that this was the decision I needed to make. It took a few days to get everything sorted but finally today I picked up the puppy and brought him home to explore a bit before y/n got home from work. So far he's done just that he hasn't stopped running around and playing with the few toys I got him as well as my shoes but we will work on stopping that another day. 
Your POV
Today has been a long day we had a big presentation at work today and I had a few important meetings and now I'm just exhausted. When I pulled into the driveway Pedri's car was already there and that made me feel a little better as seeing him and cuddling with him sounds like it will make all my problems go away at least for tonight. As I entered the door I saw a little plastic ball on the floor which had me confused as I don't know why Pedri would have one of those or why it would just be on the floor. Then it all made sense when a tiny ball of black fluff ran towards me grabbed the ball and ran away again towards Pedri who picked up the puppy and brought it towards me. 
As soon as he placed the puppy in my arms I was in love it looked exactly like my parents dog back home which they got when I was little and we grew up together. Holding the puppy made me feel like I had a bit of home with me and it reminded me of my childhood and all of the photos I have with my parents dog. 
"Whose dog is this?" I asked Pedri 
"He's ours" he said 
"I have so many questions" I said 
"Well one of our coaches at the club overheard me talking to Raphinha about how I think you've been missing home and feeling lonely here and said that his brother found a puppy dumped in a bin so I went and met the puppy and instantly knew he'd be a perfect fit for us and I know we both have busy lives but I thought he'd keep you company while I'm away" Pedri explained 
"Who would dump this little cutie" I cooed to the puppy
"I do have one last question does he have a name yet?" He asked 
"I haven't properly named him yet as I didn't want to do it without you but I was thinking we could call him Nilo" he said 
"I like that welcome to our crazy household Nilo" I said 
Pedri took my bag off me while I took Nilo to the living room so I could sit and play with him to destress from my day. It didn't take long for Pedri to join us and we both threw the little ball across the room and watched little Nilo scamper after it. A puppy would've been the last thing I thought I wanted if you'd have asked me even just yesterday but I actually think Pedri is right Nilo is going to be great at keeping me company when no one else is here and having such a happy little thing here to greet me when I get home is definitely going to brighten my days. It feels like I've got a little bit of my life from back home here now that we have a dog and hopefully that will help make Barcelona feel like home. 
For the rest of the night we didn't take our attention off Nilo but eventually we had to go to bed now we had agreed that Nilo wouldn't sleep in the bed with us but that went out the window within two seconds. As soon as we saw him sitting on the floor in his bed whimpering and wanting our attention Pedri got up and put him on our bed which stopped his crying instantly. Nilo was quick to make himself comfy in my arms as Pedri put his arms around me and we settled down for the night as some sort of weird family.
"Thank you for getting Nilo just having him here has made me feel more at home" I said 
"There's no need to thank me I just want you to be comfortable here and honestly as soon as I saw him there was no way I was leaving without him he was just too cute" Pedri laughed 
"He certainly is cute you have competition now" I joked 
"I don't think I'm going to win that competition" he said 
"No you won't but I still love you" I said 
"More than Nilo?" He asked 
"Of course for now at least" I joked 
Pedri rolled his eyes but I know he feels the exact same way I do. 
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flamemothers · 3 months ago
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am i the only one really pissed off with the episode title "the queen who ever was"???
it started as an insult to rhaenys as she was denied her birthright but she still claimed the name like a boss.
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that name is the closest thing she's got to being called queen. there are a lot of names they could have chosen for rhaenyra (what happened to dragon queen??? and don't even get me started when they decided to call aegon ii the realm's delight) and the best they could come up with is reusing rhaenys' and removing just one letter??? how original
oh rhaenys my love the writers keep on desecrating you even in death
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icewindandboringhorror · 6 months ago
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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taegularities · 1 year ago
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some men are textbook villains fr
#tw religion?#kinda need to rant.. kinda wanna explain what's going on#some ppl are part of humanity but don't know how to be humane... like the guy i started talking to almost 2 weeks ago#liked him a lot bc he was funny sickeningly sweet mature and understanding.. until he was not#tl dr version is that we somehow drifted to the topic religion and i told him im not too religious and don't believe in superstition much#i was extremely respectful and even when he said that he does believe a lot i was like 'thats cool!! different people believe in different#things!!' and at first it was a normal convo until man went all psycho on me (after one damn week!!!) and started talking about how#id have to be religious in a relationship with him.. my dude i barely know your fav food can we not talk about relationships yet#but he says he doesn't even need a woman who cooks/cleans just someone who believes.. n im like i get it but i can't change myself like that#and then guy moves to marriage and is all 'well my entire family is religious' n my mom and sister (who's 16) would be putting pressure on#you n force you to pray etc.. and I'm like???? who can force anyone to a thing like that are u kidding#things escalate and my absolute STUPID ass tells him about my deepest fkn trauma to explain what made me abandon religion bc#life just never got better and this trauma remained for yrs... and he gets so angry that he says he wants to stop talking to me just to spam#me all day next day.. he'd keep messaging me switching between 'i still want you we shouldn't throw this away i have feelings for you'#AFTER A WEEEEEEKKKK!!! and then goes back to 'i wasted my time with you you were so unnecessary im in a bad mood bc of you'#even said 'you'll never find a guy with a trauma and mindset like this. i will find a religious girl but no one will love you like that'#and the worst thing is that he told his friends and mom about the trauma i had just to spite me.. note that he promised to never tell anyone#(and then still asked for forgiveness and for me to rethink whether we want to end this after telling me 473626x he wanted to end it)#(nothing even ever started you bitchass)#also note that his mom knows my mom n basically most of my relatives.. so i was here trembling for days fearing they'd get to know about it#mom somehow convinced her to not tell anyone bc it's important to me and very very fucking personal..#but he harassed me all day - i wouldn't answer and he'd send 55 messages.. multiple missed calls like dude i got so fkn scared#my heart jumped whenever he texted he was so fkn aggressive and SO MEAN#'you just needed to adjust and we would've been okay' 'tell me are u gonna fkn be religious or not????' 'you ruined everything' kinda mean#i just :') it was the worst time and i don't think i've ever seen someone degrade me so much or make me feel this defective#but.. it's finally over. his mom called my mom and mine was like pls teach him some manners.. n since i couldn't and wouldn't text him back#and literally avoided whatsapp bc of him she ended it all for me and now it's hopefully done forever#anyway i saw jks gcf performance yday n him singing still with you put a genuine smile on my face.. ill stick to THAT boyfriend honestly lol#def gonna delete later#but ty for reading if u did <3
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widowshill · 5 months ago
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VAMP ROGER AU QUESTION! how would he and barnabas interact together (if they ever interact)? :3 💜
tagging @tortoisesshells because she's my co-conspirator <3
excellent question! this family and their sharp-toothed men will be the death of ... well, several community members of Collinsport, i suppose.
to start — Barnabas gets out of the box slightly differently than in canon, which colors his relationship to Roger and the rest of the household. Roger kills Willie after his attempted assault on Carolyn and Vicki (who is, by that point, his wife); Willie's mysterious disappearance and Roger's suspected involvement makes Jason that much more panicked, desperate, and correspondingly aggressive. Liz goes searching for the lost family jewels in a last-ditch attempt to buy Jason off, and, inadvertently, lets their ancient family sin out of the tomb.
ergo she's made Barnabas' thrall instead of Willie, but this goes unnoticed for a while — even though her brother would, in theory, recognize the signs, and his suspicions are raised, but she's already acting so much unlike herself with Jason around that he doesn't suspect anyone else of doing her harm. yet.
at the start, he and Barnabas get along very well, even before they discover their shared affliction: they're both relatively sophisticated, well-traveled, intelligent people, and for all that Roger decries Liz's emphasis on the Collins name, he leans towards familial connections instinctively (Roger hasn't got much in the way of friends outside of the house even in canon, and he's even more isolated as a vampire).
after he finds out Barnabas is also a vampire, things get a little more complicated, but overall, they're still friendly. Roger doesn't have much sympathy for Barnabas' relentless self-pity and decrying his doomed fate to live as a monster, because Roger on the whole enjoys his vampirism and has made a decent un-life for himself out of it (thanks in no small part to Vicki). but having someone like him around is a comfort in ways he wouldn't have expected, he's no longer solitary or uniquely monstrous out of the Collins family, he has someone else around through the night, and someone who understands the sufferings of bloodthirst and being shut out of the sun.
furthermore, Roger's very much interested in his family history and stories of the past, the building of Collinwood, Jeremiah's ships – and Barnabas was there. there's potential for some very interesting conversations about the past, and the arc of the Collins family history to the present, not to mention literature, travel, fashion, politics and the rest. Roger's his cousin's mirror in modernity in many ways, and that's something potentially interesting to explore: the world changes around them, but Collinses do not.
as an aside, they both have a funny sort of relationship to Burke. Barnabas hates him for his resemblance to Jeremiah and envies his friendship with Vicki and thinks he's crude, and Roger ... well. it's complicated. it's closer to antagonism than not, and Burke has tried to kill him once in this au, and Roger resents his flirting with Vicki, but then there's everything else with their past. so I don't think Barnabas' treatment of him would sit particularly well with Roger, he'd take the attitude of hey, only I can be a dick to Burke >:(
the definite fracture point is Barnabas imprinting on Vicki. Roger's already jealous and possessive by nature, and it's amplified by the supernatural nature of his relationship to Vicki (being closer, bodily and mentally; being necessary to each other; being, quite literally, sustenance) so he's already a little on edge when Barnabas starts paying attention to her, giving her presents, and appreciating the scenery — Barnabas doesn't, exactly, tend to have much in the way of moral inclination to leaving women alone when they have prior engagements, but it's fair to point out the irony of everything Roger was doing with his bloodbag governess when he was still very much a married man.
anyway: Roger finds foreign bite marks on his wife's neck, and he's understandably immensely upset by this. partially out of territorial sentiment, but he also knows Vicki, and he knows that she wouldn't have invited another vampire willingly — which means that she was forced, or hypnotized, or attacked in secret, and there's only the one potential suspect. this is already enough to lose his good will, but he might have been willing to let Barnabas go with a "hands off," had this discovery not lead to finding out what he'd also been doing to Liz. the combination of the two is unforgivable, and it's Barnabas' error to have made an enemy who is very personally aware of all his vampiric weaknesses, and Burke's already carved a stake.
#THANK YOUUUU for the question :D i love talking about this au kskfgd#devilagent#vamp roger au tbt#➤ answered. ┊ Collinsport 4099.#i do think the barnabas and roger relationship is an interesting one even though there's not much going on there in canon.#(canonically speaking roger is just sort of... there? even during cassandra he doesn't ever pity him for being a victim in the scheme;#it's grrr angelique is here messing with *Me* again. who cares about my oblivious dumb blonde cousin)#but there's a lot of parallels going on there which I never shut up about: the way that roger will drain life from a man#to preserve his own; or manipulate and throw others (vicki) under the bus;#or makes david (not biologically in human reproduction) into a monster just like him — forming him and burke in his image.#roger is Modern in ways that barnabas is not — the sports cars; the en vogue suits and turtlenecks; his flippant relationship with his vows#and his (relatively speaking) more-or-less open queerness.#but he's also a creature out of the past; an antiquated speaking pattern; an embrace of old family stories (particularly tragedies);#not to mention he plays the role of a byronic hero practically straight out of the novel just without any sideburns.#roger simultaneously wishes to be free of that family root system; but falls back on it in desperation because it's only because his#ancestry and family wealth and power exists that *he* exists at all.#and in the same way that joshua cannot shoot barnabas for becoming a monster; neither can liz condemn her brother for his manslaughter#(or david for patricide)#but even though they don't die; they are exiled — to the tomb; to augusta — and return as mere shadowed and monstrous versions#of their former selves.#many of the differences between vamp roger and barnabas I think can be partially explained by: roger did not have the 150 year gap between#being turned and coming back; he returns to essentially the same world he knew just ten years ago#and; two; that roger has his great yearning love *after* he's turned; and not before.#there's nothing about his life with laura and david that he particularly mourns or wishes to recreate.#and; as already noted; roger has vicki — who serves as necromancer;#which... I suppose parallels julia; in an odd way.
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Do you ever read a post where someone is explaining a pokitical thing and from the way they're saying you know with absolute certainty 1) they got their info from a tumblr post and have never actually followed up on how feasible that information actually is to act upon (they may not even have checked if it was CORRECT, but when they do they have clearly not looked into how easy or hard it may be to follow those instructions with a positive outcome), and 2) you know WHICH tumblr post they're quoting because it is basically a copy/paste of it, and 3) it was YOUR goddamn post and the thing they are saying is entirely counter to the point you were making when you said it to the point that you genuinely wonder if they just like. Memory-holed the entire context once they saw that one itty bitty point.
It's like the motherfuckiny dating apps all over again. I do not want people to love my words if they are not actually willing to do the work of understanding them! Didn't your kindergarten ever make you play Telephone to teach you how heresay falls out????
#sometimes i feel like a prized 12 point buck and everyone is desperate to give chase so they can skin me and wear my pelt in memorium#the luxury of being seen is rarely extended to those we perceive as confident/constant in their sense of self#the path of being a child who was constantly told i was making people uncomfortable and alienating my peers#only to immediately become an adult who everyone perceives as so together that they are just Like That With Everyonr#brennan said something like this in the disection of a recent misfits and magic episode about sam (character)#and how he (as evan) realized that the charm and specialness she gifts to everyone around her means that no one ever really gifts it back#and how that fundamentally felt transcendent and revelatory for evan as a turning point idea#he'd spent so long never trusting others feelings of care for him that he couldn't see how he was bulldozing right into and over sam's own#insecurities about whether or not she is worth loving or is special in the same way#and then they had some back and forth about like#sometimes when you develop the skill of relateability and pacification#you disappear so deeply into it that no one notices you're gone - even you yourself - until it's too late#it put to words a lot of the like#gap. that i've always felt between me and others. this insistance on elevating or pathologizing me depending on where they feel the need#to be in relation to me#while having absolutely zero awareness of my actual positioning in relation to them#i have found that they way i interact with others seems to give the impression that because i am being 'genuine' and 'open' about myself#that ALSO means that I am sharing the whole of me.#and when i talk about destigmatization and shame and people work really hard to be like. aware of the edges of me to carch me embarrassed#like if they can prove that i don't 'admit' something it's because i'm ashamed as opposed to considering that maybe they don't have the kind#of relationship with me that would warrant the sharing of it#because i'm willing to talk i am no longer allowed privacy or it's treated as incongruous#but like. i am different people for different people and they are all authentically me but they are also about faciliting the version#of the other person that matters to me to be able to spend time with. i'm not going to bring the parts of me that put you in a bad mood#or aren't comfortable/safe for you. also probably not going to put those things out into the open world as a mixed company conversation#i don't know where I'm going or where I came from here but i think the point is just that I think there's melancholy in seeing when#you also don't know a reliable way to be seen in turn
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born-to-lose · 3 months ago
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I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself
#whenever my mom asks if i have love news of my own while we're talking about my sister's newest catch and i say no#i hope she doesn't feel pity because like. this is the life that i choose. my sister's ex boyfriends were enough for ME even#and i only met a handful of them personally but heard more than enough shit about them#i just always think i'm only flirting with some guys only to never talk to them again or ghost them because it's fun#fat girl who's always been seen as ugly by other people gets to flirt with good looking people is the ultimate ego boost arc#if i ever date anyone seriously again it better be true love and end in kids and marriage until death or i'll live as a hermit#until that happens tho...... life is a party i don't wanna miss a thing break some men's heart get revenge yolo etc etc#also the thought of actively dating freaks me out. if i meet someone and we tolerate each other long term that's good#but dating apps or going on dates with several people and deciding who's the best like on the bachelorette?? death first#plus i lowkey don't like men as a concept. at least the type i've dated. i guess you could say my last ex traumatized me hahaha 👍🏻 (🔨🔨)#i think i'm too young to be in a committed relationship anyway. or even to seek getting into one. there are much more important things rn#i know former classmates my age are having kids or getting married but idgaf the one who got engaged last year has been with him for 7 year#which is a decent time tbh you change quite a bit during that time and if it feels right why not#but i can't wrap my head around searching for a relationship when you don't even have a stable job and know what else you want in life#rambling again sorryyyy but yeah proud single here and i'm not saying this out of spite because i genuinely enjoy it#all relationships i've been in were so draining (tbf they were long distance too) and got me at rock bottom and had me filled with regret#also these men can be so controlling and jealous when you just wanna go out with friends while they do whatever they want too#but when you say you don't want a jealous partner they think that's a free pass for them to cheat like what the actual fuck#do you see the difference between being unnecessarily jealous when you hang out with friends and being rightfully jealous when they cheat??#at this point idk what to say. i'm very entertained by my friends' dating journeys but that couldn't be me#all the gossip i provide for them is which people i flirted with for the ego and who i ghosted and who ghosted me#mel talks
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ooblech · 3 months ago
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i wonder if post god's menu stays realise how much of a shift that era was for skz? like obviously you can see retroactively by looking back at their discography irt their sonic signature, but i don't think people who weren't there can seriously grasp how big of a shock it was, they went from stan twitter's favourite punching bag to one of kpop's biggest up and comers practically overnight. they were already relatively popular by virtue of being a big 3 group, and they'd had a bit of success with miroh and less prominently my pace, but the absolute explosion after god's menu and their continued upward trajectory ever since was completely unprecedented for them. and especially given that they had JUST dropped a member. kpop groups do not tend to have massive spikes in popularity after losing members, and when levanter dropped we were all incredibly anxious for skz's future because it looked so bleak. we were crying cheering throwing up over ONE MUSIC SHOW WIN. ONE. they used to be less famous than everglow. do you understand me? are you understanding me.
#everglow's downfall has had kpop twitter's finest scholars scratching their heads for years#mismanagement and massive gaps between releases are probably the biggest culprits#but i think we all need to hold hands and accept that they were never going to be the next blackpink. the timing of it just wasn't right.#skz's timing on the other hand was literally perfect down to the millisecond.#i know we like to talk about how hard they work and all but i don't think we can discount how much sheer luck was involved#because i do not believe that jype or even the kids were paying that much attention to the timing of releases. like be real with me#and also their exponential growth in popularity as bts stopped being so active was not a coincidence at all#bts as a group stopped gaining as many new fans when they started solo activities and the members started military service#both due to a decrease in new music and their new music being so different from what made them appealing to young people in the first place#same with exo to a lesser degree because they never got as famous as bangtan#that left a vacuum at the top which skz stumbled into pretty naturally given their newfound and still growing popularity#all those new gen fans who were looking for the next biggest thing found skz#and with the sheer amount of content they put out they're the natural choice for a middle school kpop fan with too much time on their hands#i know that people still argue that txt is the biggest 4th gen boygroup but i'm not interested in falsifying narratives like moas are#< joke.#i know skz and txt were tussling for most popular for a while especially in 2020 and 2021#but after kingdom it just stopped being a competition. you can probably still argue that txt are more popular in sk#but with skz consistently marketing themselves as a global group theyve never done as well in sk as they have abroad that's just the truth#im not on twitter anymore so i cant obsessively monitor the trends anymore but also i don't need to because skz have come out on top. LOL#5 years and im vindicated at last.#take THAT 2019 kpop twitter.... <- man who hasn't gotten over anything ever in their life
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stillfruit · 1 year ago
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it's so difficult to articulate the feelings i get when i see my friends engaging in healthy and good behaviors like asking for emotional support and taking the time they need to arrive because i just can't and i know i'm wrong for it but it still feels incredibly isolating
#i ofc never show this externally because i know how to act like a person i know to show empathy etc etc#and when i say i'm wrong i mean that i recognize that it's my problem how i feel and it's caused by my own issues and#it's not something i would ever put on somebody else because as i said it's not their fault i'm too repressed to do anything#but still it feels so strange to see other people having many relationships and doing so many things and still being like :( i'm so lonely#or outwarldy saying they really want to talk and that they need support with something#or always being late#i support all of that!!!! but i also know i can't do that and when we discuss relationships i know i always relate to the bad people#in the story who are not open and who do things wrong and are not considerate enough and so on#there are these common expressions such as loneliness that have vastly different meanings for people and that difference not being expresse#externally really ever makes me feel insane because it makes me feel like other people apply their understandings to my experience#anyway this was inspired by me not having friends to do sports with and also feeling like an ed relapse could be on the way#but it's not like i can do anything to either of those things because first i would never force people to exercise if they don't want to#and my friends don't enjoy the same things as i do or at least not in the ways that i do and it would be difficult for me to ask them#and second it's not like anyone even knows anything and even if they knew what could they do. nothing#the kind of “aww remember to eat” thing just doesn't fuckign work for me i need to stab myself with something#two years of uni left two thesis to do but after that idk what's keeping me here there are things that i like and people i care about#but on the long run i'm just sad and will get more alone and lonely as time passes and people find their places in each others' lives#in between these episodes it's fine i like my space i like to do things alone it's exhausting to be with people all the time but yeah#shit talking
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stellacadente · 28 days ago
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i think the hardest thing about trauma that comes from the abuse you suffered by the hands of someone close to you is when as an adult you have to reconcile the past and all that hurt with the now...
#bc the now is better. not great but better#but i can't look him in the eyes bc all i see is his rage in the worst moments#when he hurt me with such a cruelty i'm never going to forget#and i was telling this to my therapist. it's hard for me to have a somewhat normal relationship with someone i can't ever look in the eyes#it's like. there's always going to be distance between us emotionally#and i mean - he hasn't changed. i've just put physical distance between us#and it's the best thing i've done even if being alone is hard bc god. the pain would've continued without any break. forever.#he beat me and threatened to violently kill me when i was well into my 20s and no one who said they'd help helped me and?#it was just gonna keep happening. even if years could pass between the moments of physical abuse it WAS gonna keep happening#and all the emotional psychological shit that was constant was never gonna stop either#and i think that also makes it hard to deal with having a different relationship now. that nothing's changed except i'm trying to be as#far away from it - from him as i can. which is not even very far. distance wise but also in terms of how often i go back#i think. i think i need more distance. but my family wouldn't get that. i mean. i can't talk to my mother about this#i love her but she's never actually protected me from it all. i don't resent her for it really it just makes me sad. i was alone#i think i would feel more at ease being around my father if i had to do it less often#sorry for the massive oversharing i needed to write this down#abuse tw#delete later
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neverendingford · 3 months ago
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#tag talk#when I first met my partner I was warned to not get into politics with him and I was like??? is this a genuine worry I should have.#and it turns out he just actually cares about politics instead of being generally apathetic about it. and that was weird to other people#and then he described himself as right wing and I was like “uh oh champ” but we had a discussion and he's like. middle liberal at worst#his hottest takes are about immigration and even then he's in favor of immigration reform and he's not racist so like. eh#just funny to me that all the signs were worrying and then I dug deeper and he's just like.. a regular fucking dude#also we've been having lots of talks and I'm slowly making him more left. thanks to my tumblr degree. mwah I love you all.#I don't remember what he were talking about exactly but he had a bit of a pause moment when I brought up something I learned on tumblr#and he was like huh. I never thought of that before. and then we just kept talking.#but like. once again my tumblr degree coming in clutch and allowing me to teach new ideas to the people in my life that I care about.#I don't think I'll ever need to worry about his politics because the things that matter we can discuss until we come to an agreement#and the things that are small enough to not matter won't be anything more than mild differences between us as people.#he's taught me some things and I've taught him some things and that's the cool thing about meeting new people.#you learn things from them and they learn things from you.#we live in a society. wow so insightful so brave
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psychological-musings · 7 months ago
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Honestly I think this could have used an extra button for "No; I've helped people cope with suicidal ideation before, but I never felt guilted/coerced into it" based on a lot of responses in the notes. (Obviously the submitter can't think of every possible poll outcome, I'm not trying to say it's bad that the option isn't here— just that it's an interesting conclusion that that's a pretty common thing people are saying)
We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
#other than that comment though it's an interesting poll. that's a scary amount of yes votes#given the wording of the question anyway.#I've been the suicidal one in this situation but I never expect anyone to talk me out of it. if i want to be talked out of it then it's not#actually the suicide that i want. if my goal is to be convinced to stop then what I really want is to hold my life hostage to force people#to care about me. which is understandable if you think they won't care any other way. but cruel nonetheless.#when i talk about suicidal ideation it's always from a place of wanting to be understood. and empathized with .#though that's coming from someone who's only ever made plans Once ever. most of the time it's just ideation with no intent#anyway. yeah.#people often don't realize that threatening to kill yourself is still a murder threat.#i firmly believe in the human right to die. suicide is a basic human right in my eyes. so if that's what you need to do then you're entitled#to that.#but. if you THREATEN your life then that's not.... the same. that's an act of manipulation and holding someone's life hostage#now that's also VERY DIFFERENT from BEING SUICIDAL and ASKING FOR REASSURANCE. that's not a threat#that's a plea for help. if your goal is to get reassurance and support and you need a shoulder to lean on that is normal shit.#that's like if you get really violently ill and you text your friend like ''hey i am throwing up constantly and i feel like shit... help..''#and i mean they have every right to reply ''oh shit that sucks but i have no advice for you I'm so sorry. i hope you get better though''#in either case.#but the point is that ''hey I'm going through something scary and i want help and reassurance'' is good and normal human stuff#while ''hey you didn't say exactly the way i wanted you to so if you don't rectify your behavior right away I'm going to make it your fault#when i decide to kill myself'' is. i think what the op here was going for. and that is very much not a healthy or ok thing to do to someone#like that's... there's a huge difference between asking for help#versus withholding your own survival from people who care about you unless they do a specific thing for you.#suicide threats are still death threats.#polls#my thoughts#my tags#suicide
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