#don't see it as hate towards him for see
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makarp · 2 years ago
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the one thing everyone agrees on about boom shadow is that he's an idiot
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Every time I see someone earnestly say that Carver hates Hawke, I have to exercise such restraint to not scream.
Every day I get closer to writing a deep dive about him because that's my guy. He's so interesting. He feels so much. He tries so hard when talking to the other companions and some of the dynamics he has with them are so good. He can be so fucking funny and sweet and awkward. He so badly wants to be wanted and appreciated and to protect everyone he loves.
Carver Hawke, they could never make me hate you.
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kaiiscottage · 9 months ago
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JUST WHEN THE WERE STARTING TO GET ALONG AGAIN IT'S SO OVER I'M GONNA LOSE IT
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cutefoxgirl2992 · 22 days ago
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I really hate when some danmei fans treat the main couple as infallible and completely morally correct when more often than not analyzing the way their morality grays helps you understand the main couple's characterizations and dynamics better. Take WWX and LWJ for example. Neither of them are in the complete moral right because no one in that book is. Society is nuanced. WWX was in the wrong for disregarding many of his responsibilities throughout the novel, but he was also in the right for rescuing the Wen. LWJ was in the right for defending WWX and LSZ, but he was in the wrong for blindly reaching for WWX and often antagonizing everyone else. You can't truly like or understand a character without acknowledging that they are flawed and in fact not in a moral pedestal within the book. You can't call WWX justified for breaking ties with JC without also acknowledging JC was justified in being upset with WWX. The main couples in these novels are not infallible and it's honestly extremely annoying to see some fans bash side characters for their dubious morality (cough cough Mu Qing, Jiang Cheng, Qi Rong, etc) while also putting their favorite main couple on an untouchable moral superiority.
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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transmascutena · 9 months ago
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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infriga · 1 year ago
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Some people have been saying that live action Sanji feels a little bit more soft and endearing than manga Sanji, but they can't pinpoint why because he does still feel like Sanji. Some people think it's just Taz's acting, and he does do a great job, but I don't think that's the main reason. Others think his flirting has been turned down a bit, but honestly it hasn't really? He still openly flirts with Nami when they first meet, and he still says things like "women are a mystery to be unraveled" and other goofy simp stuff. And his kindness like being willing to feed the hungry no matter what is obviously something that was always there (it's why Luffy chose him in the first place. Hell, in the manga he chooses Sanji as his cook before he ever actually tastes Sanji's cooking, simply because he sees Sanji feed Gin and realizes what kind of person Sanji is).
But there is a difference! And I've figured out what it is, because there IS one manga/anime Sanji trait that wasn't present in live action Sanji: his hatred of men.
Live action Sanji isn't a misandrist anymore 😳
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invisiblegarabgetruck · 2 years ago
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/random but I want these two to somehow meet and Jerry gets bi-panic seeing his post-apocalypse self...... 🫣🫣🫣
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context : they kinda adopted(?) hjer back and The fam immediately told hjer to go clean up and they sent forced jerry to assist him lol
j -*feets away for hjer* uh i just gonna...put the clothes here
hjer - hm *take off his shirt*
j-
j- 👀
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golden-stag · 10 days ago
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Good morning I'm up thinking about that forbidden beast again
#Eddie...#I need to rewatch his cutscenes to get a better grasp on him now that I know what he's been about this whole time#but something about his AC+R story modes got under my skin and into my brain#Eddies resentment of being a parasite attached to a person and fighting for two games over the right to control the body and make it his ow#just for it to start rotting away and starting the cycle of powerlessness over again making him easy to take advantage of#and ending with him fighting even more desperately to stay alive...#blurring the line between him and Zato further with remembering his feelings and memories and accepting them just as hes about to die-#hopefully that reads okay- again I just woke up and all that#but Eddies story made me like. weirdly emotional?#I really like the disconnect Eddie feels from Zatos body and how it contrasts with how people see both of them like this#I also think thats why Eddie is so bitter towards both Millia and Venom (especially Venom-)#to him they're probably the same as he is. and he hates them both for it because they're people that don't *have* to be#they have a choice and he doesn't. yet all three of them keep being drawn to each other.#yappin'#edit: WHAT REALLY FUCKS ME UP IS THAT EDDIE MIGHT BE JUST A THING ATTACHED TO ZATO POST RESURRECTIONNN#I haven't seen Eddie have much personality after Zato got resurrected other than being a little shadow goober#and thats a little Haunting??#you're telling me after all this Eddie i s just a thing attached to Zato? and Zatos the important one again? what the fuck
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sevenhundred721 · 2 months ago
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I can't wait to learn more about Vegapunk Lilith. What is Stella's idea of the evil within himself? Does it have to do with his "sins" of creating the Mother Flame and studying the Void Century? Is evil his ambition and desire for peace that is ultimately too rash and short-sighted and leads to catastrophe? Because we know Lilith cares about her comrades. We know that she is helpful and pragmatic. We know she ISN'T defined by greed or violence. So how is she evil? Because I don't believe for a second that she doesn't somehow fit Stella's idea of evil in a way we haven't been shown yet. But I'm so eager to find out what that actually means.
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gilgil-machine · 10 months ago
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I wish some people never had access to internet at all...
TW assault, TW r*pe
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makarp · 2 years ago
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Boom Shadow is just a crazy, ridiculous, dumb, stupid, loser and the rat ratatouille... but I love him :)
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buttercup-barf · 6 months ago
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Under the cut are mostly self-insert doodles of decreasing quality. Again, not much directly tied to Team Fortress 2. Might as well toss these out while I have no access to my puter. Much yapping under the cut and in the tags incoming.
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Another self-insert, this time less of a "here's me as a tenth class" and more of a "here's my game experiences translated into the class I would take the place of". The Cleaner. Although I guess they could still be wearing either suit. It doesn't matter that much.
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That one Convict's Case taunt with Backup would be extremely funny, because the man would be on the verge of a breakdown (he does not want to go to jail so bad you have no idea). The second image- I owe no explanation. You know what I am. You see the pattern with my favourites.
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The duality of the man. Resting face versus "just heard you express interest in religion/Russian folklore" face. He's not that hard to make friends with, when you pull him away from all the explosions.
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Some doodles of trying to figure his face out. Unfortunately, the more I stare at him, the more I worry that he looks like A Certain Guy With The Last Name "Kazarin", and the fear of never being original in my life caught up to me.
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Don't look at me, don't perceive me, I refuse to explain any of my actions to you.
#team fortress 2#tf2#that's it that's the only tags i am putting this in. maybe someday i will have the balls to do more but for now that's about it#while i have the chance - and since posts with more of my yapping in the tags don't pop in people's feeds much - i might as well ramble-#-about these guys here. self-inserts or not i'm projecting only half of my bullshit on each one of them. creativity 👍#backup is tall and pale and has sharp canines and more of a dull brown hair colour with tired grey eyes. no amount of babyface or soft-#-hands can really help a motherfucker when he's grimacing so much because he just Hates being around half the people on the team.#cleaner meanwhile is on the shorter side and has constantly flushed skin and brighter colours and whatnot. you can't see it because of the-#-mask most of the time but they do smile a lot more and have a more cheery disposition towards life and see the whole team as their friends!#backup transitioned fully (albeit not very legally lmao) and is scared shitless of not being seen as a man although the last time that ever-#-came up was years ago. he holds onto his last name as part of the heritage he loves and loathes at the same time - attached to his culture-#-and religion and bloodline while also resentful of his family and the regime he knows someone else on the team suffered under.#cleaner just kinda binds and calls it a day. he only does it to confuse the team because while he doesn't identify with being a girl he-#-loves the confused looks his epic gender reveal moment gets. they do not remember their family name or where they grew up or what even got-#-them to this kind of mental state. and he's chill with it he values the here and now way more than some dark edgy backstory.#backup despite trying to be an honest man is afraid of vulnerability as well. he stubbornly refuses to express love towards certain people-#-lest they feel disgusted and turn away. he's afraid of consequences afraid of losing the people he loves afraid of his ''interests'' being-#-what drives them away. it doesn't by the way and he just wasted time being a cold indecisive loser for several months lmao#cleaner wears a suit that hides all of them yes but they pretty much never lie. he is always his truest self and he can always just burn-#-people who don't like him enough to make it a problem. they are a lot more comfortable indulging in their interests - be they innocent-#-and juvenile or violent and dangerous. he is quite open with his affection and his fascinations that backup would rather keep secret.#i want to establish that these two can only exist in separate universes because they both have feelings towards the funny assistant lady-#-and the funny inventor guy (selfshipping for the winnn) and would fight over those two. cleaner would win by the way#it's also a really funny point of comparison. cleaner is objectively more fucked up than backup and still managed to be more normal about-#-their feelings and live as a healthier and happier person than that guy. comedic gold honestly#OKAY I'M DONE if you read up to here you get uhhh a cookie :-)
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nayruwu · 11 months ago
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SO... I was just thinking, let's say hypothetically.. mahiru guren & shinya weren't toxic ca16 was written by a less misogynist author then would you like mahigureshin as like poly ship? It just came in my head as much as I dislike how author wrote them esp mahirus character I still think in alternative setting it might work?? They are kind of catastrophic trio with very poetic themes & victim of fate kinda afterall.
honestly probably yeah. most powerful trio imagineable.
although i actually have no clue what mahiru's personality would be like were she not written by such an author. i think i've read some cool modern AUs in which i really liked her - kickass businesswoman that overworks herself trying to get her little sister out of a difficult situation while simulteanously juggling her relationship with her boyfriend and their shared trophy wife, i think that'd fit her well. "all you do is work :(" "you don't understand i'm doing this for us!!!111!1!1!!1!!!" type of stuff.
i will forever treasure that little snippet of her and shinya making fun of guren together, that was adorable. the way things should've been.
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bylertruther · 1 year ago
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do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?
that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.
maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.
like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.
he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.
of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.
so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.
of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.
just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.
#will byers#byler#mine#long post#will#anyway. this is how i always interpreted the i hate WHO i am line especially in conjunction with the word ''mistake'' + being different#within the context of EVERYTHING that's happened to will and continues to happen to him and how unique it is to him in this narrative#bc rly. if you were will.... wouldn't you feel like a mistake? even outside of that outside of the supernatural i'm speaking to my#friends that have ''Something Wrong'' with them. when something happens to you and you're not the same after and you're surrounded#by people who are able to move on and be normal—don't you ever have those moments where you feel like a mistake? when you're#growing up and still interested in your same old interests but your friends start moving on and then you see that they went back to#those interests in your absence—don't you feel like you were the problem then? when people are able to be brave and you can't#find it within yourself to overcome your fear—don't you hate that feeling? don't you feel that negativity towards yourself when you#know that you SHOULD do something but you can't bring yourself to and it works against yourself? like. everything that has happened#to will E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!! can easily make anyone no matter what part of him you relate to the most understand that#u kno wht i mean? anyway. i jus wanted to bring this up bc his life is a fucking tragedy even without the gay stuff n his current pov on th#and the way that That conversation always centers on fear and bravery it's like. obviously being gay is not easy in that era but i don't#think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further#as well as with how he does want mike to know and his alan turing poster and his talk with jonathan etc etc#his conflict has always centered around how other people treat him and his issue with that bc that's what makes him feel bad#that just because he's different that doesn't mean that he's Different and must be treated as such#he's different and has people that make him feel BETTER for it like look at s2 for example all of those talks abt using what he perceives#as a weakness abt himself as a strength that no one else can bring to the table. and in s3 when he still believed in being a nerd#and never getting girlfriends etc but when it came from mike thts when he called himself stupid n started down this path bc now#there's that sprinkle of doubt. n tht doubt is the scariest thing in the world—understandably so#also. he literally has an evil monster in his brain like bdkfjhsbkdjhfbskj IT'S JUST A LOT.#he is different for many reasons and has even more reasons to hate Who he is the kind of person that he is#jus my take 😁👍
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daenerystemper · 4 months ago
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maybe i am rehashing old drama that has already been put to rest (doubtful !!) but it once again blows my mind that neither laenor nor corlys nor viserys care about the fact that laenor isn't the father to rhaenyra's kids but the greens/fandom repeatedly call them "the strong boys" meanwhile jon snow is repeatedly denied his targaryen heritage because "he is a stark" according to the fandom when, for all intents & purposes, he should be considered jon targaryen with the way this fandom views their mothers
rhaenyra is denied her name with jace, luke & joffrey but the same cannot be said for lyanna & jon. but despite the vehement denial that jon is anything remotely targaryen, he is not allowed to be "a stark" either who is not allowed to claim winterfell. & i guess you could say that "well he's acknowledged as a bastard" in defense of his treatment but i think i know what it is instead
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