#don't mind me being sappy

[faggottrocities]

So uh

I am still buzzed and I'm a puddle of feelings right now and want a baby to name Herbert like RN

[natureaker]

Genuinely never been at more peace with myself in my life. I'm still learning who I am and how to be a little more independent, but it's brought me so much peace. I feel free from the confines of my family (that is, until I go back for Thanksgiving break). Other than that, I'm just at a stage in my life where I'm going thru a lot of growth since feeling solid in my gender & that I'll eventually go on t & get top surgery one day, and I'm feeling so calm and relaxed spending time alone; something me even a year ago wouldn't be able to comprehend.

[queer-reader-07]

that saying that's like "to be loved is to be known" always gets to me because i think that's what i'm trying to convey when i talk about love being stored in the memes you send you friends that make you both laugh out loud, and the info dumps you sit through because you know your friend is oh so passionate, and the messages that go "hey, i saw *insert band* you like is coming to our city. do you wanna go?" to be loved is to have people know exactly what will make you smile. to love others is to have things that makes you think of them and go "i should send them this." yeah, i think to be loved really is to be known.

[sga-owns-my-soul]

🥺🥺🥺 my partner sent me $100 randomly with the message "treat yourself" and when i asked him what it was for he just said "you deserve it"

Y'ALL THIS MAN

[umilily]

Since I can't draw for shit, I sadly can't make one of those yearly lookbacks, but there's something else I'd like to put out there as a sort of year-in-review (and to celebrate a little):

Once more – true to my brand – I managed to time things so spectacularly that I’m proud (?) to say that today is actually my one-year anniversary of posting fic. To be fair, I doubt that this will become an international holiday like any other minor ones going on atm, but nevertheless I just wanted to take a moment to write down some thoughts on that (because ah, yes, of course, more rambling from me), even if it’s just for myself to look back on both an occasionally very unusual, weird year.

No pressure to read or digest any of this, I think the only thing I really want to say to anyone who’s bothered reading this far (both this post and the things posted over the last year) is a huge thanks. If you had told me last December that a decision made while under the heavy influence of Ibuprofen and caffeine to combat one of the nastiest colds I ever had, would snowball into a year filled with kind words from strangers and new friends, I would have probably written you off as a fever dream. Oddly enough, it wasn’t, so somehow now I’m here writing this post that already feels too pompous, but that I can’t help wanting to type out regardless.

My own corner of the vast internet unexpectedly became a lot more populated than I’ve ever known it to be. Which feels hilariously ironic when I think about that at the same time, living abroad essentially nuked my social life with friends and family many hours away. But even if I still am very much reclusive – a rare encounter I suppose – and have only talked to very few people who hang around here, I’m still so very grateful for all the kind words from everyone found for me and my writing. Thank you all for keeping me company through me essentially just going “fuck it we ball” continuously.

The last year had some stretches that have been exhausting and rough and I think sticking with something self-indulgent and light-hearted kept me from going nuts at times. I’m not the type to make new years resolutions and when last year I told people that mine was “Doing things poorly”, it likely was the most confusing one they heard so far. For me personally, it was the best one out there, so I will be renewing that and (as proudly as possible) continue to do things poorly in 2024 as well. If people stick around for a laugh or two, I will take it as the highest praise and compliment.

On a more personal front, there is a good chance that I will start working full-time within the next year, so I also just wanted to take this chance for a little heads-up. If I end up disappearing for longer than what you’re used to from me being chronically online, it’s probably because I managed to fool people into hiring me and sadly not because I finally made the smart decision to become a hermit in the woods or retire to the seaside. (Or well, I might end up reacting the exact opposite. Because when have I ever made responsible, adult decisions regarding how to spend my free time? Who needs sleep when you can contemplate the enigmatic, inner machinations of your blorbo’s mind on the topic of coffee or Ikea furniture?) I will do my very best to be as consistent as possible, because even if I do get busy, writing has been something that brought me much more joy than I could have anticipated, and I would like to keep that going.

With that, I think I’m finally done and all that’s left for me to do is saying thanks again and wishing you all a relaxing holiday season and a good start into the new year! <3

[fierceyetflawed]

mannnn I love tumblr

[noxvee6]

HEY HEY YOU!!! hi, helloo hi honey hi I just wanna say that I love you and that you're awesome and that I love being your friend and qpp and I love it when you share your art with me >3<

I never answered this sorry 😭

I love you so so much, Mike. I hope you keep inspiring me to be a better person than how you found me and I hope to be in your life for a long time /gen

❤❤❤❤❤

[justarandompersonxd]

I washed all of my clothes yesterday. But i can't not wear his hoodie. It's too safe. And i need all the safety i cann get at work. At least it's only day 2 of wearing it.

[aceparagoned]

once again, I'd like to thank everyone for being super patient with me as far as getting back up to speed is concerned. I still have a lot of drafts and asks to answer, but those will come in due time. y'all really do make being here worth it, and for that, I can't thank you guys enough! ♡

[lunaetis]

@muraenide asked :

He finds her on the floor, exhausted from what he assumed to be cleaning Ramshackle dorm. It's too much work for one person and a cat who is reluctant to help. Jade scoops her up into his arms and takes her to the dilapidated couch. It's falling apart, but it'll do for now. He shrugs his coat off and spreads it over her petite body, up to her neck, as he tucks her in. Brushing her hair over her head, he places a kiss on her temples. The living conditions of Ramshackle dorm were terrible. The windows and doors had fallen off their hinges, they were barely there to keep the wind out. Eden might as well be sleeping out in the wild, exposed to the wind, unshielded from the cold. Jade doesn't know how he didn't manage to convince himself that he should have taken a look sooner. He hangs his hat and vest on the clothing stand as he picks up the broom that Eden has left lying on the ground and begins sweeping.

unprompted. || always accepting

​─「エデン」─  cleaning was more work than she had thought. what was she thinking, trying to clean the whole dorm all by herself ? HIGH STAMINA that came with her nature of being a vessel wasn't enough to keep her function after attempting to dust off the entire floor and keeping a CERTAIN CAT from causing trouble. in all honesty, eden wouldn't have minded sleeping outside in the wild if it'd come to that. certainly wouldn't be the first time she had done that either.

                in her exhaustion-induced rest, feeling a touch that wrapped around her made the TRAILBLAZER stir slightly. a presence so familiar which caused her form to nuzzle towards almost instinctively. there was a SCENT that came to her mind, wafting through the air and enveloped her very senses brought a sense of calm. the tender, quiet touch to her temple earned a purring hum, almost like a content feline despite how she probably was more accurately associated with canine than feline. with her mind so DEEP in the much needed rest, she didn't see who it was.

                maybe she didn't have to.

                her breathing regulated, as though her very instinct was telling her she was safe. in this presence, wrapped up in this warmth — nothing was going to harm her. she murmured a single name under her breath. barely audible, it was, but the syllable echoing his name sounded treasured on her tongue. his scent was soothing. when was the last time she had felt so relaxed to let her mind delve deep into slumber in such a way ? she couldn't remember.

                the trailblazer didn't realize how long it had been when her mind was yanked back to present time again. lashes twitched as bleary golden hues reopened to shape the sight before her. ceiling ? a blink, as her frame shifted and the coat that was covering her slid downwards, making her grab it out of instinct —

                wait. this coat ... ?

                line of vision slowly followed the sounds, while her hands held the coat closer to her frame. amber hues finally landed upon the tall frame with his back facing her. he was fiddling with the window she struggled to keep close just last night. silently, she found herself staring. it wasn't like she was ogling over him. no. the way her aureate optics were kept upon him spelled of something softer, something genuine. she had always felt that his smooth, fluid movement was nice to watch, but this was different.

                there was a softer light in her starlit hues, a kind of light that reflected the very reason the organ in her left chest was drumming just a little louder and faster than usual. since when did her eyes follow him ? since when did she find gaze trailing after him almost out of instinct ? since when did his voice, his words, his touch, his very presence, made this foreign world feel ... welcoming. like home.

                " so — " she finally broke the SILENCE that hung in the air before she pushed herself to sit up properly, holding the coat closer to her person. she looked almost like a puppy with her favorite blanket, the way she let his coat wrap around her form like that. it didn't look like she was planning to give it back to him soon. GOLDEN OPTICS were shimmering with mirth as they met his heterochromia, and lips curled into a smile. a tease ? a challenge ? no, not those.

                smitten. absolutely smitten.

                " how much trouble would i be in if i'm not returning this to you ? "

[just-slightly-chaotic]

<3

[queer-reader-07]

just out here reminding myself that the core of my belief system is faith in the human story

[hyacinthghoul]

happy impera day!!!

it feels like it's been much longer than one year. i can't tell you how many times i've listened to these songs, but i still jam out just the same. impera is such a special album. it's undoubtedly ghost, but with sounds, melodies, vocals, and lyrical subjects that test the boundaries of just what ghost is. i'm so thankful for tobias and everyone else involved in making this album happen. it is nothing short of spectacular.

[laurabenanti]

i just wanna thank all the kind friends who wished me a happy birthday and made super pretty benanti things for me ❤︎

now i get to get sappy (because it's my blog and i do what i want)

so, i have not had a good birthday in a decade. haven't had a great one since i was 10 (there was a unicorn piñata, it was glorious).

as sad as it sounds, i sorta just accepted that's how it would be. people usually forget it, or it becomes a "double celebration" for mother's day, or something else entirely. i told myself that, rather have the absolutely crushing disappointment of last year ruin the day, i would instead focus on those who remembered. those who actually wished me a happy birthday, and just... i dunno, showed they cared.

just to give an idea, last year? i spent my birthday entirely alone while my family went to my brother's (heavily delayed because he flunked out because he never went to his classes and also we... are not close. and i kind of hate him. but that's another story) graduation from college (btw he's older than me, for reference, for those who know my exact age). the following day the "birthday dinner" turned into a celebration for him and then for seeing my nephew, so i was shoved into the corner of a booth. i left early, and no one noticed. lastly, the "make up dinner" was two weeks later, and despite it only being my parents, sibling + his wife + my nephew, and myself, i was still ignored. so... yeah, i don't like my birthday. at all. it's a reminder of, not just how much people in general ignore me and my existence, but my own family forgets about me.

this year is honestly the best birthday i've had since i was 10. i don't care if it's stupid, or silly, but it was. a url for a website (that i am so unworthy of but have absolutely amazing friends who gave it to me and i am so excited to change to it when i am out of this damn hotel), birthday wishes from friends in the cs server, a couple of new friends i've made during my gd/benanti spiral, a friend who is still around after a fucking decade.

yeah, you know, my birthday isn't important to anyone, let alone me at this point. but it really, really felt good to get remembered for one day.

okay, enough sap, off to edit this fic.

thanks again, friends, for making this a good one. ❤︎

[knightinoldarmor]

@ofdetonation wanted to break my heart and did it with success and asked:

“please don’t go” / for shouto, make me cry

send “please don’t go” to hold my muse while they die.

In your last moments, your whole life flashes before your eyes, they said. For Shoto, it was Bakugo he'd stare at, and he wouldn't have wanted it to be any other way. The blond was the only one strong enough to look him directly in the eyes, as he'd let out his last breath. The only one able to shoulder the weight of his loss. It was him, who despite the difficulties, could break through every barrier. The one who wouldn’t break — not because he couldn’t, but because he chose to look at the world differently. A view where defeat and despair could only be the spark towards victory and understanding. Not his death, nor anything, could move his heart off balance. Or so he thought.

A fog had taken over his mind, in a rush to find the things he wanted to say. A pointless struggle, when he hadn't the time nor the clarity to concentrate. Not when he'd lose consciousness little by little, as if slowly fading from existence. So many things he wished his family and friends knew. But it was too late, and regret shouldn’t be the last he felt. Crimson hues were pinned on him, a gaze whose intensity would have been powerful enough to keep him bound to his body forever, if possible. As if piercing right through him, in an attempt to anchor his soul to this world. One that wasn't meant to last long.

He was familiar to the darkness. For how many years he used to wander, in the search of himself, of the hope and reason that'd give his existence meaning? Meaning, other than being born to serve as a tool for revenge. A role he became a prisoner to, blinding him with the same hatred to haunt his father and his brother. For so long, he'd avert his gaze from the light, believing it to be something he shouldn't reach for. Undeserving of love and kindness he'd think he was. Undeserving of the warmth of an EMBRACE.

Yet, in the embrace of a friend he'd die. How ironic. In the arms of a friend to have always been a beacon to guide him. “ It's alright. ” A smile he'd wear for the first and last time, one of absolute bliss, was written on his face. He didn’t want to die. But to know he had lived before he left, lived as the person he wished to become, the hero to save his family, was a gift he never thought he'd carry with him in the next life. “ I was lost for so long. I thought I'd forever be. ” Scared and tired, he used to be. “ But I discovered who I was. I found happiness. ” He had found the light. A light that’d rest within him, warming his heart, melting the ice he had wrapped himself with. And that light, had now begun to tremble. He wouldn’t be afraid, when a darkness of a different kind would surround him.

It was getting harder to breathe. His hand reached to cup the blond’s face. “ You were always there. All the way. I know it. ” Like an angel watching over him, aware of his struggles and pain, not intervening, only with subtle acts of kindness, but always staying close, in case he was needed. “ Thank you, Katsuki. For everything. ” His eyes lost focus. He could feel the drops falling on his face, as his senses began to fade. When did it start raining? The scent of wet ground reached him — one last comfort he always was fond of.

“ I like rain. ”

[youkah]

There's another post I reblogged a bit ago similarly talking about this but it got me thinking about another point to add onto it, coming from the perspective of someone trying to help

Like, not to make it about other people around you, but I used to do this, I would self isolate, convincing myself that everyone hated me and I wasn't worthy of love, and no one would ever show love to me- like, why would they? Why would they anyway? It's not like I deserved it, or that anyone even had the capacity to care for me, right?

What I didn't realize is that by pushing away people's compassion and love to me is I signaled to them that I didn't care. It's not true, I did care, but looking back on it now that I'm stable it's no wonder people thought that. They would go out of their way to make a huge point about how much I meant to them, how much they valued my presence, how much they wanted me to be happy, and all I could do in response was wallow in self pity, rejecting their words and repeating how worthless I am, and it just... really wasn't fair to them, you know?

Like, as an example of this, I went to the hospital in the end of my first semester of senior year, and I missed the last three weeks. When I had come back, my high school friend group at the time had Christmas gifts, letters and cards, and were so happy that I was out and back at school. They went above and beyond but for some reason I took it as being out of pity. And that hurt for no reason.

The thing is, people do reach out from a place of pity, that's true, but even then I don't think it's necessarily bad. I don't think everyone who reaches out that doesn't know what to say or says unhelpful advice/words is malicious, I think there still is compassion behind those words. I like to think of it now as when you're being comforted by your dad who doesn't quiet understand, but loves you so much and doesn't want you gone, so he lets you just cry on your shoulder while he squeezes you and asks if you want to watch that movie that came out on Netflix and eat your feelings with a tub of ice cream.

I never realized how much this hurt people until I started experiencing it myself. I went so far to show me friends that I love them and that they matter and they're worthy of love, but I was pushed away. And man did it hurt. I know where they're coming from now, but even then, it doesn't make me feel less bad about it. It's not even really in a bitter way, it's more of a sad way- I'm sad that they're pushing me away, but I'm more sad that they're not willing to accept that they are loved.

I think a lot of the reason we convince ourselves that we're unlovable is because we're not loved in a way that we want to be- maybe not by a certain person, maybe we want a romantic partner, maybe we need a parental figure, it doesn't matter. Our want for that specific relationship can sometimes blind us to the people who do love us in the present. But the thing is, it's always good to acknowledge what you do have, and that there's room for more love- infinite love, as I'd like to believe. It's not that we take those relationships for granted, of course, but I think we should start acknowledging even the smallest relationships we do have and recognize that we presently have people who care about us, and some day the relationship we do want will come, you just can't force it.

Nowadays I still talk to those friends from high school, not as often because we're all busy now, but every time they're really excited to hear from me and make it very clear. I think a few years ago I would have thought that was out of pity, but now I know and can accept that it's because they love me a lot and are glad that I'm still in their life, and that I'm choosing to keep them with me. Love is a two way street- if there's oncoming traffic of love and you don't let the green light go, it'll never come to you, and you'll never be able to show your own love either.

Just keep in mind that people love you and it's always important to show and accept that love. I'm a cheesy person who believes love- every type- is the most powerful thing, and I don't think anything will ever change that. So if someone tells you they brighten your day, choose to believe it. I've become much happier once I started choosing to believe people love me, and I'm really glad I made that decision.