#don't let a man define your worth

[clarissaweasley-10]

What's the last book you gave up on and stopped reading?

Hlo there tysm for the ask<3333

The last book l gave up on is my maths textbook but l don't think you are referring to textbooks.So the last book l gave up reading is (my history textbook becoz l fell asleep hehe sorry)probably November Nine by Colleen Hoover.I heard a lot of positive reviews abt this book and decided to give it a try though it's not my usual preference but(*pausing for dramatic effect)l made the grave mistake of telling my cruel friends abt it.Unluckily for me almost all of them had already read it and gave me the worst imaginable spoilers AND launched into a detailed discussion of the plot,characters and story right.in.front.of.me.

Moral of the Story:Don't tell your friends what you are going to read that is if your friends are as cruel as mine.Or better choose the people you befriend carefully.

After that l didn't see the point of reading the book and anyways l don't think it's the one for me.I mean Ben literally started the fire that destroyed her life,l know that he had his reasons(tho they aren't completely reasons)but what he did destroyed Fallon's career and DUDE he cheated on her with his ex-brother's wife who was pregnant with his child.And yet Fallon forgave him and they f got back together.l appreciate Ben for standing up for Fannon at the beginning but what was the need for him to call himself her "boyfriend"?he could have said that he was just a friend.WTF was he thinking imagining what she would look like in her underwear?like he didn't even know her dudeee.And to think that pple think these kind of things are "romantic".Not to mention he stalked her,assaulted her was so damn controlling and manipulated her into loving him again.This is what l mean when l say that l wont read anything that booktok recommends.

[y2kas13]

Can She Stay? (Paige B. x reader)

Paige b. x dads best friend's daughter!reader

Summary: Paige goes with her dad to his best friend's house meets his daughter and quickly becomes close.

cw: fluff, rizzler paige lol, spicy but no smut, reader isn't given a set race or weight just mentions of curly hair and being on the 'thicker side' but nothing too defining y/n used srry

a/n: (I wrote this months ago and never knew how to finish so I’m gonna post it how it is if you wnat a continuation I definitely will) I'm actually from and live in CT so I'm gonna use the name of a college from here for realism its not important tho so don't worry lol thank you for tuning in to my poll for those who interacted this is technically my 2nd fic on Tumblr but my other one sucked and flopped 😭 so hopefully this is better. I appreciate interaction!

Paige was a go-getter, constantly up and running ready to take on the day and do what needed to be done.

Needless to say, she didn't want to get out of bed and go with her dad to sit around and listen to old dad jokes for the next few hours.

She loves her dad, but after weeks of training and hard work, she wants to mindlessly scroll on her phone and eat some well-deserved junk food.

"Come on Paige it'll be fun I promise it'll be worth your while. watch you'll have so much fun you won't wanna leave! now come on Paige!" Hearing her dad have so much enthusiasm trumps her feelings of wanting to stay home. She changes out of her pajamas into black loose-fitting sweatpants and a white crop-top she puts her slides on and gets in her dad's car and falls asleep.

Feeling the car come to a stop makes her open her eyes and see that they are presumably at her dad's friend's house. She rubs her eyes and stretches to wake her up. She hops out of the car and walks up to the door after her dad.

Before her dad can even finish knocking a man who looks the same age as her dad opens the door. "Bob! there you are old timer hurry up the game is coming on." He ushers them in and both Paige and her dad hurry inside.

Paige takes in the living room while her dad and his friend playfully banter with each other. Before Paige can open her mouth to say anything she hears soft footsteps coming toward the living room which causes her to look up.

"Dad, what's all that noise?"

Paige sees probably one of the prettiest girls she's seen in a while. Beautiful curly hair held out of her face by a simple headband, she's wearing a simple blue crop top similar to her own and the smallest pair of black pajama shorts she's seen in forever.

The feeling of the girl's eyes also looking her up and down causes Paige to finally stop staring and look away. "Come here baby let me introduce you!" The pretty girl steps further into the living room to stand by both dads which causes Paige to follow without even thinking. The girls' dads introduce them to each other, "This is my daughter Paigey she plays basketball at UConn she's a little star." Bob says with obvious pride in his voice which causes Paige to slightly blush and look down waving him away playfully at the nickname. This elicits a small giggle out of the girl which makes Paige smile a little harder and look up at the girl seeing that she's already looking at Paige. "This is my baby she goes to Southern and she's the student council president at her school." Pride is also evident in his words, the baby name makes the girl turn away in slight embarrassment.

The TV in the living room starts playing a loud sound alerting the dads that the game they were awaiting is finally starting so they offer that the girls should go hang out together in the girl's room. They head towards the girl's room.

"So baby huh?" Paige says with a small smirk on her lips, the name used making her laugh.

"Oh whatever Paigey," The girl rolls her eyes playfully and sits on her bed, "I have a real name you know." Paige looks around the room taking in the aesthetically pleasing room with light grey walls dark hardwood floors and posters of all her favorite shows and artists on her wall.

Paige sits down at the small dark wooded vanity now looking at the girl perched on the bed, "Care to share then princess?" the nickname princess causes the girl to spring up and look at the blonde girl at her vanity

She shares her name with Paige to which Paige compliments.

“So student council president huh? You’re a smart girl aren’t you.” Paige says with a smirk but there’s no condensation or malice in it.

The curly haired girl nods making her curls bounce and flop in her face slightly. “Yep school has always been my thing I’ve been best at.”

Paige gets up from her vanity and walk over to the bed. She looks the curly haired girl in the eyes and moves some of the hair that fell in her face. “Maybe you should come by my school and see me do what I’m best at.”

[goodolreliablejake]

I think part of the reason that Evrart Claire is able to outmanuever everyone else is that he sees the world in strict, materialist terms. I previously argued that beneath his sleezy and corrupt exterior, Evrart is a true believer in Communism, so now I'd like to add on to that a bit about his methods. Basically, Evrart has very clearly defined, material goals and a plan to achieve them that prioritizes results over process, and this is in stark contrast to Harry's highly conceptual and abstract understanding of politics.

Let me make my point by first making a detour; why does Evrart employ Rene as his night watchman? It's charity, right? Rene isn't really that useful, but he wants to feel useful, and he needs a source of income to survive, and he needs it in a way that protects his pride. But isn't Rene Evrart's ideological enemy? He is, according to Harry's political schema, the avatar of fascism, and a vocal hater of communism.

Well, no, because to Evrart, class isn't a matter of what you believe in your heart, it's a matter of your material conditions. Rene is a poor and vulnerable man, a working class fellow abandoned by the people who once exploited him, even as he romanticizes that past exploitation. And in that way, he is (in Evrart's eyes at least) no different whatsoever from Dros the Deserter.

I think this materialism is also what allows Evrart to lie so easily. He'll gladly call Harry a comrade, because words are wind. Words don't change the fact that Harry is a cop and the violent agent of the state.

Under this framework, I think there are really only two political positions that people can meaningfully take; they are what Harry would call Communism or Moralism. As a citizen of Martinaise, you can either accept the status quo of those in power, or you can work towards independence from your corporate overlords. Fascism is a delusion: drinking yourself to death while griping about women and immigrants, never changing your political reality. Ultraliberalism is ALSO a delusion: fantasizing about net worth and becoming the boot, meanwhile your overlords will never allow you to escape the economic status you were assigned at birth.

Now, it might sound like I'm being overly complimentary to Claire, but this framework is also what enables his worst crimes. Evrart defrauds the union, skirting its democratic process to install himself (and his brother) as permanent dictator/mafioso. His focus on results turns him into something of a perverse reversal of his own ideals. He exploits the people of the fishing village, conning and stealing their land because he believes it will be worth it in the end. He profits off a drug trade that leeches off of the hopelessness of the very working class people he claims to be working to better the lives of.

Yet at the end of the day... Harry's "political vision quests" are stories he tells himself in his head. They change the UI that the player sees but nothing about how it works. His conception of Communism is most defined by its impossibility and failure. Meanwhile, Evrart ACTUALLY seizes the means of production.

[bloodbenderz]

there was a lot of mistakes made in the live action but the worst one without reservation was that the creators did not understand patriarchy and they did not understand women's liberation outside of an american context ( or any context if we're being honest )

it's easy to see on a surface level how that fucked up katara's whole character how she wasn't allowed to have her character defining moments how she wasn't allowed to be angry or even excited or impulsive but i think it doesn't really become clear how deeply wrong the show's conception of gender & patriarchy is (and the implications for the political landscape of the show) until you get into how they destroyed sokka's character too

sokka's whole Complex is born of patriarchy. i'm not trying to do men's rights advocacy here but in my experience when a people is under constant threat, constant assault, constant violence (much of which is gendered) and the traditional "protectors" or "providers" of that people are men, the masculine role becomes protecting women and children. i am not saying this is a good thing or a bad thing but it is true the narrative of violent resistance is overwhelmingly about men. to be a man in a time & place like this means fighting to protect your women, & to die for them is honorable. that is where sokka gets this idea that he has to be a warrior & he has to fight & if necessary die for katara & the rest of the tribe. it's about duty. everyone has a part to play, a role to fill

everyone including women! which is the other half of this. the duty of women is to keep up the home, to maintain a country worth fighting & dying for, to raise children so that the community can have a future. it becomes especially obvious in the context of the show when you see how the nwt lives & in specific how yue lives and dies.

many women participate in patriarchy. many colonized women participate in patriarchy. most of my family comes from or still lives in a country completely devastated by colonialism & its aftereffects & many women in my family believe wholeheartedly in the idea that everyone in the house has a role to play. it's not because these women are stupid or they hate themselves. but when you grow up believing that men & women are fundamentally different, and seeing that women are in specific danger because of their gender, it actually makes a lot of sense to expect the men in your family to protect you, and to raise your sons that way.

in practice that means that men aren't really expected to do anything around the house, especially when there's no actual danger. my aunt literally 2 days ago told me this lol like she doesn't make her sons do anything bc she wants to let their lives be easy before they have to go out into the world & take care of their wives & children.

what does women's liberation look like when an entire community is under threat? colonized women have been dealing with this question as long as colonialism has existed. the writers of this show don't even pretend to understand the question, much less to formulate a thoughtful response to it. they just say oh, well, katara, yue, & suki are all the exact same type of liberated girlboss for whom patriarchy is no significant obstacle.

which brings us back to sokka lol. sokka, at the beginning of the show, has completely subscribed to patriarchy, has integrated it into his sense of self. he has a lot of flaws, but he also has a lot of really good traits. his bravery, sense of honor, loyalty, work ethic, selflessness, all of this came from him striving to be a good man. he would die to protect katara, because she's his sister. he also has her wash his socks & mend his clothes, because she's his sister. even after he meets suki, humbles himself, & expands his view of the role a woman can play, he doesn't completely disengage from patriarchy. at the end of the day he believes in his soul that a good man's duty is to fight & if necessary die for his people, & that's exactly his plan. this is a very real psychic burden. pre-aang, it's also largely fictional & completely ridiculous. we're SUPPOSED to think it's ridiculous. he's spending his time training babies & working on his little watchtower. the swt hasn't been attacked since their mother was killed because it has been completely stripped of all value or danger it once held for the fire nation, & everybody knows this. there is very little "men's work" left, aside from hunting & fishing, which is so damaging to sokka's self image he resorts to toddler bootcamp to feel useful. the contradiction here is comical. it's also completely devastating. that's supposed to be the fucking POINTTTT like colonialism & patriarchy convinces this young boy he needs to be a soldier & die for his family. & you know what he does? He acts like a young boy about it. they didn't just leave this unexplored in the remake they completely changed the circumstances to 1. make sokka incompetent for some reason 2. make his "preparations" seem less ridiculous. Which ruins the whole character. Possibly the whole show.

all this makes the writing of katara & the other women infinitely more offensive to me. katara is a good character because she believes in revolution. she wants to liberate her people from imperialism, & she wants to liberate women from colonial gendered violence, traditional patriarchy in her own culture, & the complicated ways those things interact. it is LITERALLY the first thing you're supposed to learn about her. she's the PERFECT vehicle to address the question of women's liberation under colonialism. one of the things i was most looking forward to seeing in this show was how labor is distributed in a place where almost everything that needs to get done is "women's work" & how it affects katara & sokka's day to day relationship when their lives weren't at risk constantly. what actually are her responsibilities every day, & how do they compare to sokka's? how does her grandmother enforce these traditions with katara & sokka, & how is that informed by her own experiences in the nwt? what does patriarchy look like in a tribe made up of mostly women & children? it's so important to who katara is & what she believes! but why bother exploring any of that when u could instead make her a shein model who has nothing in common with the source material except her hairstyle lol.

yue is actually even worse to me bc yue is supposed to be sokka's counterpart. she's supposed to show you how destructive it is for women specifically to internalize this gendered duty so completely. it sucks for sokka, but he is a man & thus his prescribed role gives him some agency. yue's role affords her no agency whatsoever, & this is the POINT. to make her someone who's allowed to break things off with her fiance if she likes, who sneaks off to do what she wants when she's feeling stressed, whose will is respected as a monarch, like what is even the point of yue anymore? in the original the whole reason she was even allowed to spend time with sokka was because her father knew she was with a trustworthy boy. her story completely loses all significance when the dimension of patriarchy is removed from it. the crux of her whole story is that she is not just a princess but the literal & spiritual representation of the motherland. that's what women are supposed to represent during wartime, at the cost of their own sense of self. in order to fulfill her duty to her people she gives her life to them in every single way that matters.

it's just so unbelievably frustrating (and WRONG) that the only types of characters for these writers are "soulless misogynistic fuck" and "liberated american-style feminist." there's no nuance at all! they don't bother exploring how real love manifests in patriarchal communities, & how patriarchy defines the limits of that love. or how for so many of these people their idea of goodness, morality, & honor is gendered. or how imperialism affects not just individuals but entire cultures & their conceptions of gender. but why do any actual work when you could completely change sokka & katara's general demeanors, their entire personalities, & their roles in the tribe so you can dodge any & all nuance

Anyways. in conclusion. it was bad

[4only1]

Hello, hi. I read your fantastic Gitae fic and was wondering if you could do one where him and reader are business partners and are like considered a deadly duo because they work so well together and because the basically have the same personality but reader is much more sane and mostly tries to keep Gitae's bloodshed clean and not too messy but she overworks herself and is constantly on alert and Giate want to assure that they can both trust each other but reader was betrayed alot because people considered her weak and useless. 💋 thank you for listening to my Ted talk lovieeee

What you know

Gitae Kim X Reader Word Count: 767 Masterlist

------------------------

When people heard the names (Y/N) (L/N) and Gitae Kim, they knew there would be trouble. Gitae, a man of strange habits and pure strength, the patricide. (Y/N), a genius who kept the whole drug cartel together, heck, kept Gitae together. Without you, he would be a dysfunctional wreck, not keeping his bloodsheding tendencies together.

You had been waiting in the car since Gitae went to deal with Kwak Jichang, the king- well, soon to be former king of Seoul. As you shuffle papers around in your hand, casually glancing at your phone every now and then, waves of exhaustion hit you. You both had arrived in Korea a few days ago, but when did you last sleep? Someone had to keep the drug cartel running at all hours, and while Gitae was meeting with James Lee and relaxing, it was up to you to do that work. Paperwork really wasn’t Gitae’s thing anyway. Numbers too.

As you kept fighting the feeling of sleep, the car door opened. Gitae entered the car soon after, talking on the phone, most likely to James Lee. Frustration bubbled within you as you noted Gitae's new addition to his look. He didn’t have that much blood on him when he left.

“Seriously”

Is all you manage to get out once Gitae hangs up the phone. Not only did he do the exact opposite of what he told you he was going to do, but he also came back soaked in blood. 

“I thought we talked about being less swing happy with the axe!”

“Not my fault. That Jichang guy was alright, but the police came so I had to deal with them.”

Gitae casually said, blowing out a puff of smoke with his sentence. You click your tongue at his response, before looking back at the papers. A yawn you tried so hard to keep back escapes your lips, drawing Gitae’s attention to you.

“And you have the nerve to scold me in that state. I thought we talked about you not overworking yourself.”

Gitae says, a bit mockingly, turning your own phrasing against you. You look at him, annoyance in your tired eyes. No matter how many times he told you to rest, you just couldn’t. You needed to prove your worth, no matter what personal cost came from it. You weren’t a fighter like Gitae, even the lower members of the gang have you beat in strength. You were the brains, you had to be, you couldn’t let simple exhaustion prevent you from doing the one thing that defined your worth. If things were running smoothly, you weren’t useless. 

You couldn't let a small mistake even become a thought. You feared that if something did happen, big or small, you would be cast aside, replaced with someone else. You couldn't let it happen, not again, you couldn't allow yourself to be thrown away again.

Lost in thought, you don't notice that Gitae has grabbed the papers until you feel them leaving your hand. You turn to him, ready to yell, when his gaze stops you. He didn't have a caring bone in his body, so why did he look at you with those soft eyes? Why did he make it so hard for you to not trust him. In all the time you've known him, he hasn't so much as yelled at you, just playful banter. Even that was enough to put you on edge. Why was he so kind to you but harsh to everybody else?

“Go to sleep.” Is all he says. 

“You can't be serious. I have to finish that work by tonight or-” He quickly cuts you off in a stern tone. But the gentleness is still there.

“Sleep. I refuse to spend another second being scolded by your sleep deprived ass. What's the saying, happy wife, happy life? You’re basically my wife with how you nag me all the time. I prefer if your grouchy ass was rested, so I don't have to deal with your complaints.”

Gitae calmly says before again reaching over and forcing you to lay down across the backseat, your head resting on his leg. You fought to keep your eyes open, but the comfort of Gitae's presence kept you relaxed. You wanted to argue back, but it didn't take long for sleep to consume you.

His large hand rested on the side of your head, stroking your hair. Cigarette smoke filled the air, but that didn't bother you much. You felt comfortable, safe, trusting. Maybe just this time, you can trust someone a little bit more.

------------------------

Always love writing a Gitae request. I need to see more of this man in the story please. Next request comes out next week, spoilers, it's another Shingen request (what do y'all see in that man?)

I didn't properly proof read this one so I hope it sounds fine.

[lua-stellar]

How Do You Need to Decenter Men? Tarot PAC ✨✨

Paid Services Ko-Fi :> Masterlist

A lot of young women these days are learning that men don't have to be the center of their lives, that people are complete without the need of making everything they do about men or a specific man. Because we live in a patriarchal world I think everyone needs to decenter men in some way, even men need to decenter men from their lives! This reading's purpose is to show how you can live a whole and complete, happy life without men being the centre of your universe, and gives you advice to better yourself :)

pile 1

cards drawn: eight of cups, knight of cups, high priestess

So I believe what this reading is communicating is you definently need to focus on you, there might be men(or a man?) in your life who you are giving too much of your time and even if it's hard you need to learn to let go of, and move on from. I get the energy of ending relationships that no longer serve you and bringing in new energy in your life that will overall improve your life.. You need to focus on yourself, and to be more specific, your dreams. Pay attention to opportunities that will benefit you, pay attention to your gut feelings and your intuition. What do you want? What do you need? Now is the best time to listen to your body, intuition and soul. For pile 1 I feel that good things will be coming your way when you pay attention to your dreams and ambition. :)

pile 2

cards drawn: the hierophant, judgement, three of swords,

Getting the energy for pile 2 that however it was that you centre men in your life, it has to do with an ideal you hold. Something to do with perfectionism, the advice this reading is communicating is that you have a second chance and I get the energy that people around you and your spirit guides will be supporting you in this, for you decentreing men in your life will involve heartbreak. It will be a hard decision and painful too, but you need to let go of this ideal and this idea of perfection that you hold. You need to start anew, start living your life in a way where you wont need men and you wont have to feel like you need them in order for you to be happy/live your ideal life. I feel like for pile 2 due to having to let go of an ideal and go through heartbreak, it will be hard but you will be supported in whatever decisions you make, whether by your family or your spirit guides (or both). And in the end this will have a positive outcome and overall make your life happier.

pile 3

cards drawn: four of pentacles, reversed nine of pentacles, reversed nine of swords

This reading I feel is important for some people to hear the message 😓 you are in a point in your life where you are stable, and independent. But your independence is being threatened. You need to stop and realize that NO man is worth your independance, freedom, stability, peace of mind etc. I feel like the people who chose pile 3, alot of you must have someone in your life threatening your independence. I feel like alot of you right now, its not your fault, but the men in your life are making you utterly miserable! But your life will improve, you need to cut out the toxicity in your life and learn that nothing is more valuable than your freedom and independence and your happiness. You must learn to value yourself more than any toxic man thats in your life and making your life worse, you are so much better than that! Things might be hard right now, but it will get better and that starts with centering yourself first!

[evertomorrowart]

Best of YouTube 2023

Yes, I did spend the first week and change of January on this. I wish I could have had it done for New Years, but too many people came out with incredible work in December, so waiting turned out for the best.

What these creators do are a huge influence on my life, I would honestly have difficulty doing what I do without them. That isn't to say that my favorites of the year are *only* on this image--It was almost impossible to narrow down my favorites. Many creators I wanted to include couldn't fit on a single page, and too many of them made more than one video I wished I could draw too!

But, to all of you, thank you for what you do. You're an inspiration.

For those who don't know, further is an explanation.

At the bottom center is an artistic masterpiece by Defunctland: "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History." Over the last several years, Defunctland has risen from delightfully-entertaining commentary on decommissioned theme park attractions to occasionally dropping profound statements on the creation of art itself. "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History" is worth treating like the cinematic experience it is: No second screen, you sit your ass down in front of a TV, set down the phone, and then you *watch it.* Any Disney, theme park, or independent film fan needs to pay attention to this one.

Bottom left is Caelan Conrad with their piece "Drop the T - The Deadly Consequences of Gay Respectability Politics." While I do think they've done more visually or artistically-daring pieces before, "Drop the T" is one of the most important videos released on YouTube in today's current climate of hate. We as queer folk (and our allies) need to understand how integral every identity of the queer experience has been since the start of the Civil Rights movement (and before!). While we are not identical, we *are* inseparable, and we deserve having our real history easily accessible.

TERFs and other conservative mouthpieces need not reply. Your opinions are trash. 😘

I cannot stop watching and rewatching this video by @patricia-taxxon, "On the Ethics of Boinking Animal People." It's not just a defense of furry fandom and its eccentricities, it's a thoughtful and passionate analysis of what the artform achieves that purely human representation can't. Patricia goes outside of her usual essay format to directly speak to the viewer about the elements that define furry media (the most succinct definition I've ever heard) and just how *human* an act loving animal cartoons really is.

As an artist who can draw furry characters, but never really got into erotic furry art, this video is a treasure. Why did I choose to have her drawn as a Ghibli character, hanging out with one of the tanukis from "Pom Poko?" Guess you'll have to watch, bruh.

Philosophy Tube continuously puts out videos that I would put on this list--I'm not even sure that "A Man Plagiarised my Work: Women, Money, and the Nation" is the best work she released in 2023. However, this video got many conversations going between myself and my partner, and the twist on the tail end of the video shocked us both to such a degree that I had no choice.

At the very tail end of the year, Big Joel released "Fear of Death." On his Little Joel channel, he described it as the singularly best video he's ever done, and I'm inclined to agree. However, for this illustration, I ended up repeatedly going back to a mini-series he did earlier in the year: "Three Stories at the End of the World." All three videos are deeply moving and haunting, and I was brought to tears by "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot." While it may be relatively-common knowledge that the original Gojira (Godzilla) film is horror grappling with the devastation America's rush to atomic dominance inflicted on Japan, Big Joel still manages to bring new words to the discussion. Please watch all three of the videos, but if, for some reason, you must have only one, let it be "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot."

Y'all. Let me confess something. I hate football. I hate watching it, I associate seeing it from the stadiums with some of my worst childhood experiences, I despise collegiate and professional football (as institutions that destroy bodies and offer up children at the feet of its alter as a pillar of American culture)--

I. L o a t h e. Football.

But.

F.D. Signifier could get me to watch an entire hour-plus essay on why I should at least give a passing care. AND HE DID IT. I might think "F*ck the Police," the two-parter on Black conservatism, or his essay on Black men's connection to anime might be "better" videos, but this writer did the impossible and held my limited attention span towards football long enough to make a sincere case for NFL players--and reminds us that millionaires can *in fact* be workers. That alone is testament to his skill.

Sit down and watch "The REAL Reason NFL Running Backs Aren't Getting Paid." Any good anti-capitalist owes it to themselves.

CJ the X continuously puts out stunning, emotional videos, and can do it with the most seemingly-inconsequential starting points. A 30 second song? An incestuous commercial? Five minutes of Tangled? Sure, why not. Go destroy yourself emotionally by watching them. I'm serious. Do it.

Their video Stranger Things and the Meaning of Life manages to to remind us all why the way we react to media does, in fact, matter. Yes, even nostalgia-driven, mass-media schlock. Yes, how we interact with media matters, what it says about us matters, and we all deserve to seek out the whys.

Folding Ideas has spent the last few years articulating exactly why so much of our modern world feels broken, and because of that his voice continuously lives rent-free in my brain. While the tricks that scam artists and grifters use to try to swindle us are never new, the advancement of technology changes the aesthetics of their performances. Portions of Folding Ideas' explanations might seem dry when going into detail of how stocks work in This is Financial Advice, but every bit of it is necessary to peel back the layers of techno-babble and jargon and make sense of the results of "Meme Stocks."

Jessie Gender puts out nothing but bangers, her absolute unit of a video about Star Wars might be my new favorite thing ever, but none of her work hit so profoundly in 2023 than the two-parter "The Myth of 'Male Socialization'" and "The Trauma of Masculinity." There's so much about modern life that isolates and traumatizes us, and so much of it is just shrugged off as "normal." We owe it to ourselves to see the world in more vivid a color palette than we're initially given.

Panels drawn after Kate Beaton and "Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands."

"This is Not a Video Essay" is one of the most intense and beautiful pieces of art I've ever put into my eyeballs. Why do we create? What drives us to connect?

I don't even know what else to say about the Leftist Cooks' work, it repeatedly transcends the medium and platform. Watch every single one of their videos, but especially this one.

The likelihood you are terminally online and yet haven't heard of Hbomberguy's yearly forrays into destroying the careers of awful people is pretty slim. Just because it has millions of views doesn't mean that Hbomberguy's "Plagiarism and You(Tube)" isn't worth the hype. Too long? Shut up, it has chapters and YouTube holds your place, anyway. You think a deep dive into a handful of creators is only meaningless drama? Well, you're wrong, you wrong-opinion-haver. Plagiarism is an *everyone* problem because of the actual harm it creates--the history it erases, the labor it devalues, the art it marginalizes--which you would know if you watched "Plagiarism and You(Tube)".

Watch. The damn. Video.

In fact, watch all of them!

Thanks for reading this if you did.

[imaginesig]

“If they call me a slut, you know it might be worth if for once”

Lewis Hamilton x singer!reader

SMAU

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, user1, y/nhq, and 402,038 others

yourusername: my muse <3

tagged lewishamilton

lewishamilton its an honor love

user1 when will I find someone to call me love

lando.jpg your own jpg account when??

yourusername I'll stick to my day job

user2 anybody else bothered by how quickly she goes from man to man

user3 right? like I swear she's had about 7 "muses" in the past 3 years

user4 she's literally done nothing wrong?? how dare a women date more than 1 person in her life??

carlossainz55 so new music when?

Charles_leclerc the Ferrari playlist needs an update

yourusername update loading 🔄

user5 oh please be a new album!!

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lewishamilton

liked by roscoovescoco, yourusername, user6, and 183,829 others

lewishamilton: race weekend with my loves

tagged: mercadesamgf1, roscoelovescoco, yourusername

landonorris interesting order

yourusername we all know Roscoe is the real star here

roscoelovescoco listen to the lady 🙌

mercadesmhf1 we love having the Hamilton family in the paddock

yourusername ahhh love to be there!!

lewishamilton 💚

georgerussell63 always a good time with these two in the house

yourusername ahhhh Georgie 🫶🫶

user1 "Georgie" 🥹😭

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tmz_offical

liked by user9, user1, user3, and 937,273 others

tmz_offical: just days after the end of the season, f1 driver Lewis Hamilton is spotted out with young girlfriend Y/n L/n. The couple is notorious for keeping their privacy, making paparazzi pictures a rare instance. Click the link in our bio to see what else was taken during their night out on the town.

tagged lewishamilton, yourusername

user1 no wonder they keep private, I would too if ended up trapped in a relationship with a slut like her

user2 didn't she and Dylan O'Brian break up right before they got together? Didn't think he rebound guy would last this long

user3 I could never imagine dating someone that much older than me

user4 fr someone tell her to take it down a notch, her sluttiness is showing

User8 the one sided hate is mid boggling

user5 the negativity is DEFINING

user6 right, y'all can't stand to see a women happy, healthy, and unbothered

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y/nupdates

liked by lewishamilton, user5, user9, and 749,934 more

y/nupdates: Y/n seen outside the studio with her producer after radio silence all winter!!

tagged yourusername

user1 she's cooking

user2 she's entering her reputation era I can feel it

user3 fr, after that one tmz post blows up and her comments are flooded with negativity, she locked herself away with her love, and is now seen for the first time in awhile leaving the studio

user4 I CANT HANDLE THIS RN

user5 not the slut trying for a comeback

user6 how about you lead by example? Leave and don't come back 🫶

user8 you know the records gonna slap when @/producer sprinkled her magic

user9 I need them and Taylor+Jack to release something

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yourusername

liked by user5, lewishamilton, y/nhq, and 394,028 others

yourusername: "Slut!" out now on all streaming platforms!! The rest of the album, "Amor Omnia Vincit" out this Friday!

when I originally sat down to create this new album I didn't image I'd write half the songs that made the final cut, but I did. This has been a very therapeutic experience for me.

Thank you to this album, my amazing team, and my lovely muse for keeping me going in the difficult time <3

tagged: y/nhq

lewishamilton you are so Shawn Hunter coded

lewishamilton I love you dear

yourusername I love you too darling

user1 they are so domestic I'm crying 🤭😭

user2 lets all start a thread of our fav lyrics from "Slut!"

user3 "if I'm all dressed up, they might as well be looking at us" WE KNOW THIS COUPLE ALWAYS BRING FIRE FITS

user4 very obvious but "if they call me a slut, you know it might be worth it for once," just hits so hard, like this is an issue she's dealt with for so long but Lewis makes it all better bc their relationship trumps everything

user5 piggy backing off of @/user4 's reasoning, "the sticks and stones they throw froze mid air"

user6 "IN A WORLD OF BOYS HES A GENTLEMAN" 🔛🔝

user7 I'm still not very her admitting that all the negavity around her dating has affected her so bad that she told Lewis "I said it might blow up in your pretty face"

scuderiaferarri we will not apologize for the people we'll become when this drops ‼️

Charles_leclerc we've always been #1 y/n stans

lewishamilton you red fuckers can take two steps back that's my title

carlossainz55 I thought you were her muse?

lewishamilton I'm both

user8 ok possessive king

youruserame for me and me only 🥰

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lewishamilton

liked by georgerussell64, your username, user1, and 789,739 others

lewishamilton: SO, SO, SO PROUD OF YOU LOVE!! Watching you work through a rough patch with such grace was beautiful. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of it and listen to these songs+more. I'll be your muse forever if you'll have me <3

tagged yourusername, y/nhq

yourusername forever and always <3

lewishamilton <3

user1 that water look very ~aquamarine~ to anyone

user2 he def knew what he was doing

lewishamilton I had a message to send 🤷🏾‍♂️

user2 LMAOOO HES SO PETTY

yourusername sassy man epidemic isn't a joke

user3 I love that she left like people wanted and wrote a whole song to shut down the hater but also put her and Lewis's relationship on the pedestal it deserves

producer such a sweet album!! Some of the best love songs out there!!

Charles_leclerc Vigilante Shit is my new pre-prix anthem

yourusername watch out @/maxverstappen1

maxverstappen this is where the dutch anthem falls silent 😔

carlossainz55 wasn't ready for Dress

yourusername but...

carlossainz55 its my fav

user4 I love that lewis posted for the whole album when Y/n didn't, but she's replying to comments in his section when he isn't

user5 they really are made for each other huh

roscoelovescoco amazing work mom!!

user5 I will never get over the mom

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yourusername

liked by landonorris, Charles_leclerc, user5, and 937,039 others

yourusername: surprise!! Since this album taught me what it was like to write and create in such an intamate space with very few people/outide influence I wanted to celebrate it with 3 small shows in Monaco, London, and Ottawa!

tickets on sale at 12 pm eastern this friday, see ya then ;)

tagged y/nhq

landonorris do friends get discounts??

yourusername everyone on the grid plus any serious significant others get VIP entry courtesy of me and my team 💖😘

y/nhq we'll be reaching out soon to select the show

lilymhe you don't understand how excited this makes me!!

yourusername well I couldn’t celebrate without my girls (and their men too ig 🙄🤚)

oscarpiastri thanks a lot y/n

alexalbon anybody else feeling loved??

lewishamilton completely 🫶

user1 this will start world war 3 I can feel it

user2 this is the eras tour all over again

user3 except that was selling stadiums, these are small venues

user4 any f1 driver want to link up for a show?? you'll never have to speak to me ever again

user5 I regret to inform you babe, but I think this is the reason she said serious significant others...

user6 official tour soon?? Please mother??

yourusername oh so very soon...

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lewishamilton

liked by your username, georgerussel64, landonorris, and 379,268 others

lewishamilton "got lovestruck went straight to my head" <3

tagged yourusername

user1 crying throwing up

user2 quoting her song?? that's about him?? I'll be resting my eyes on the highway if anybody needs me

user3 my toaster looks like a fun bath bomb

yourusername "got lovesick all over my bed" <3

landonorris beautiful show, beautiful couple 🧡

yourusername 🧡

scuderiaferrari maybe we're colorblind but that doesn't look like Mercedes green

mercadesamgf1 watch your back

georgerussell64 👀

georgerussell64 slayed so hard

yourusername an honor from the meme king?? I'm not worthy

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yourusername

liked by Charles_leclerc, user9, lewishamilton, and 930,393 others

yourusername thank you to everyone who came out to a show this weekend!! I had a blast sining new stuff, covers, and old pieces with you all- the love I experienced was unreal!! I cannot wait to see what happens in the future 💖

To all those close to me, our relationships mean the absolute world!! Special love to Lewis who held my hand through my darkest time, showed me what a true relationship was, and gave me a perfect little boy (I love you Roscoe). Darling, its been a wonderful experience being with you <3

tagged y/nhq, landojpg

lewishamilton love you so much angel <3

georgerussell64 definitely gave me and Carmen the night of our lives!!

alexalbon the show was so amazing I almost forgot you flirted with my gf in the invitation

yourusername stay mad

lilymhe 🥵

Roscoelovescoco can I come next time??

yourusername I'll see what I can do...

landjpg thank you for photo creddits and well as the opportunity to photograph these unique shows

yourusername you didn't not dissapoint 👏👏 thank you for doing it

Charles_leclerc I had an amazing time!!!

carlossainze55 you should hear him try to speak, voice complelty gone

yourusername that's the kind of energy we all need

comments have been limited

[tired-teacher-blog]

Blissfully ruined

Characters : Aizawa/ Fem reader

Genre and Warnings : NSFW/ 18+/ Fingering/ Oral (fem receiving)/ Sexual Intercourse/ Hair pulling/ Creampie/ One Shot

Summary : Built up tension turns into a night of pleasure.

Please do not read if you're a minor

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

_ "Come on babe we have to go." he called out to you from where he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, fixing his half bun as an annoyed expression was plastered across his face.

He hated those events the most, being forced to socialize with people, heroes, he sees on a daily basis as a UA teacher and a pro, when he would rather be laying in bed with you in his arms.

He doesn't see the point of it, and it's just more trouble than it's worth.

_ "Okay I'm ready!" you cheered excitedly as you emerged from your shared bedroom, wearing a beautiful evening dress that hugged your form perfectly.

_ "Oh fuck.." were his first words as soon as you came into view.

He took a few steps forward, caging you in his arms and bringing you flush against his chest, "can't we just blow this thing off and have fun of our own?" his longing eyes traveled down your plunging neckline as he licked his lips eagerly.

_ "We have to go Shouta," you giggled softly before pecking the corner of his mouth, "but.. I promise you a fun night as soon as we get back home." you winked playfully before untangling yourself from his persistent clutches, leaving him wide eyed and wondering if he'll have enough patience until later..

It was as hard as he expected it to be, watching you from across the enormous hall as you sipped your drink and exchanged laughter and pleasantries with your friends.

_ "Hey man! Did you hear what I just said?"

Of course he didn't, he didn't have enough regard to Hizashi's jokes like everyone around him did, nor did he give a damn about the consistent attempts to involve him in meaningless conversations. You had his undivided attention and you knew it.

You could see the intense desire in his eyes that followed your every move, and he wasn't trying to be subtle about it either, it was actually a miracle none of his friends had commented on it.

However, he wasn't the only one distracted by unholy thoughts, in fact, you were struggling yourself to keep a clear mind but it wasn't easy..

Of course it wasn't, seeing your man clad in an expensive black suit that accentuated his defined muscles was a rare view that you wanted to engrave in your brain, but more than anything, you just wanted to drag him home and rid him of his attire already.

You placed your empty glass down and bade your friends good night, before giving your boyfriend a side look and stepping out of the hall.

It took him mere seconds to follow you outside, eyes gleaming and jaw clenched in apparent irritation, "well that was a drag, come on let's hurry back home, I'm about to lose my mind because of you."

A shiver ran down your spine as you knew precisely what those words meant, and the drive home felt like an endless torture despite your apartment being only a few blocks away..

_ "Shouta wait, wait.. let me take my heels off first." you protested feebly, too consumed by your desire for the man kissing your neck to do anything further.

_ "I'm done waiting, you don't seem to understand how hard it's been for me to hold back, do you?" he hissed impatiently, lips leaving the abused flesh of your neck to latch onto your own expectant ones.

You were as desperate for him as he was for you, this dashing man -yours- who's able to weaken your knees and drive you mad with a simple touch.

You ran your hands down his chest, relishing the flexing muscles underneath your fingertips, and moaning against his lips as he pulled you closer to him.

_ "Shouta, take me to bed." you demanded in between eager kisses, and were granted your wish instantly afterwards, as he picked you up in his arms and marched straight to bed before placing you gently on top of the soft, fresh bedsheets.

Your hands moved to the fabric of your beautiful dress, working desperately on freeing you from the confining garment, only to be stopped by the familiar deep voice, "no honey, not yet."

Not yet..?

What he had in mind was a mystery to you, although to be frank, you were too aroused at that point to question his wishes.

You laid back down on your squishy mattress, looking into his darkening eyes and surrendering yourself completely to him, as anticipation ran through your veins.

_ "Gorgeous.." he muttered huskily, leaning in to place wet kisses along your exposed cleavage, "I've been craving this the whole evening, so I hope you're ready for it."

You arched off the bed with a cry of your beloved's name when his stubble grazed your sensitive skin, eyes rolling back and teeth sinking in your lower lip as his warm hands slipped under your dress and traveled up your enticing thighs.

You instinctively spread your legs further for him, silently inviting those long fingers to sink into your core.

_ "So eager already." his amused chuckle fanned over your neck as he teased, though his rough digits did slip under your panties as you hoped.

He fondled your sopping clit slowly -agonizingly so- as if to frustrate you further, to push you into vocalizing your desires, he's always been a tease after all.

His lips moved to claim yours in a heated liplock, and your hands shot up to clutch onto his raven locks as you wished to deepen the kiss.

And without a warning whatsoever, his fingers stopped moving for a moment to pull your panties down instead, removing the garment swiftly and hiking your dress up further, "I've got something even better for you," and you shivered as he whispered his promise against your lips, half lidded eyes twinkling as they followed his movements.

He sat up at once, licking his lips seductively before diving in to ravish your cunt, and doing so in a flash that all you could do was lay there and take it as uncontrollable trembles ran all over your body, and a slew of unintelligible words left your parted lips.

You squeezed your thighs around his neck as he teased your folds, eyes rolling back and soft fabric of your dress falling onto his head to conceal him from view and render his moves a mystery, "Shouta.." you mewled feeling his familiar hot tongue twisting around your clit, his movements were slow and deliberate as he caressed you exactly where you needed him to.

_ "Wait!" you gasped when the sneaky muscle breached your hole and grazed your sensitive gummy walls as it moved in circular motions, and the slight shaking of your legs as they further tightened up on his neck, were a clear sign of your approaching release.

You grabbed onto the bedsheets beneath you and bucked your hips against his face as his tongue fucked you faster and deeper, "I'm cumming! Shouta I'm cumming!" you squeezed your eyes shut and whimpered your warning as your pushes against his invading tongue quickened.

He hummed delightfully and carried on ravishing your cunt until you spasmed uncontrollably against him and finally came to a halt, and that was when he emerged from between your aching legs, sitting up and smiling mischievously before licking his lips to savor every last bit of your glistening slick, "delicious, as usual." he growled as he proceeded to unbutton his dress shirt unbelievably slow, almost in a teasing manner.

He knew what he was doing to you, your impatience was clear as day.

_ "Shouta.." and it was barely above a whisper as you struggled through labored breathing, reaching out for him with trembling arms that yearned for a touch, just one simple touch to quench your aching need.

_ "So glad to see your eagerness because honey, this is far from over." he purred softly, stripping off his button up and throwing it to the floor without a care in the world, and leaning in for a hasty kiss that left you thirsting for more.

Your blurred vision cleared up at last, and you swallowed thickly as you watched him slowly freeing his raging cock from the suffocating confinement of his pants. He was hard, painfully so, and you knew just by witnessing the throbbing shaft that he was at his limit already, "ready for me princess? I can wait for a few more minutes if you want, I would hate to overwhelm you."

However, his half lidded eyes and flushed skin, his struggle to control himself as he palmed his cock, only proved how hard it was for him to hold back, "I'm okay, I want you now Shouta, don't make me wait please." you pulled your dress up higher, exposing yourself to him again, your puffy little cunt squeezing around nothing and your whimpers were his cue to fill the emptiness in your core.

_ "I got you honey," were his words before sinking into your heat with a satisfied sigh that escaped his throat, you felt like heaven as your hot gummy walls hugged him perfectly, "fuck, you're driving me nuts.." he grunted blissfully as he clasped your thighs and started moving slowly, eyes watching your cute quivers of pleasure and sweet moans of satisfaction as you gathered the soft fabric of your dress in a wrinkled ball.

His thrusts were deliberately unrushed at first, relishing the thrilling friction created of your connection as he rolled his hips and touched that delicious spot within you.

_ "Keep going.. please.." you were barely in control of your speech as you voiced your plea, everything about this man drove you closer to madness.

Everything..

The heavy shallow pants erupting from his heaving chest and fanning over your skin as he shaped your core into a perfect fit for his cock, his soft messy hair falling over his face as his half bun almost came undone, his knitted brows and glowing eyes watching you closely, the glimmering sheen of sweat covering his defined muscles, his big warm hands gripping your hips tightly -to the point of bruising- and pinning you in place as his thrusts gradually quickened.

Just, everything..

_ "It feels so good inside of you, fuck, you're mine you get that?" he almost sounded desperate as he sank deeper into your heat, over and over and over again, searching your aroused face for a response that you struggled to provide between your uncontainable mewls.

_ "Yours.. yours.. always.." you let go of the wrinkled fabric of your dress at last, and dug your fingers in his arms instead, "kiss.."

He smiled softly hearing your shy request, leaning in until your chests touched, and pecked you once, just once —quick and gentle.

_ "Stop teasing me, you're mean.." you were adorable to him, all desperate and needy, and he couldn't resist the urge to devour your pouty lips.

You pulled on his hair and let out a yearning whine as he sucked on your tongue, and it drove him so wild that his hips slammed harder and faster against yours.

You were at the edge of an overwhelming orgasm that awaited you both, and it wasn't going to take much longer until you crumble in each other's embrace.

_ "Shouta.. oh God I'm.." your heart pounded in your chest and your legs tensed around your lover's waist as heat started pooling within you.

_ "I know sweetheart, me too, fuck.." he growled against your neck while his thrusts became erratic.

_ "Don't pull out, please cum inside me!" you couldn't understand what came over you at that moment, your words surprised you as much as they did him, but one thing for sure, you didn't regret any of it.

His cock pulsated deep into your core as the smooth head kissed your cervix, "I love you princess.."

His murmured words vibrated against your collarbone and they were enough to send shockwaves of pleasure throughout your veins.

You cried out his name and fluttered uncontrollably around his cock, your nails digging into his shoulders as you felt his warm pearly seeds coating your walls.

He finally pulled out of you, allowing his sperm to trickle down your cunt, and kissed your temple lazily before trapping you under his weight while your poor beautiful dress was crumpled between your spent bodies, "are you feeling alright?"

_ "Perfect, but you ruined my dress so I hope you're happy." you whined playfully, biting down on his neck and licking the spot right after.

_ "Oh I'm very happy, and I'll buy you a new one so don't worry about it." he cooed softly, with the intention of ruining the promised garment as well as he did this one.

[adoregojo]

∑ foolish fondness ➛ reo.m

reo was definitely, absolutely, entirely, not jealous.

not when you called this guy ‘cute' 一sure he clenched his fist into an aggressive ball shade, but nothing crazy. not when you dubbed him as you 'bodyguard’一as if reo can't secure you a whole army to watch over you like hawks 24/7. 

and definitely not when you called that ‘mister x’ handsome.

Maybe his looks were enough to kill an entire generation, but no, he wasn't jealous.

to be accurate, he was burning alive.

yet reo forced himself to smile, despite the flames eating him to bits, it was all worth it for you. swallowing the lump that was clogging his throat, trying so desperately to not let out a piercing cry when you keep up on ranting about him when he一your boyfriend, was right there!

“he seems fun to be around, I guess.” uttering ever so bitterly, the words left stains of venom on his tongue.

“very, I also feel safe anywhere near him.” you went off giggling, while reo was on the edge of letting the earth swell him down, because witnessing hell freeze over with everyone dancing flamenco would've been something he could cope with more than hearing you say that another man was making you feel safe一and no. he wasn't being dramatic, at all.

“He even scared a bunch of creeps off my back yesterday, isn't he just the best?”

that's all? well, reo could easily ban them from 12 countries. ‘mister x’ has to get his games up.

He also has a large backyard, but that's for another story.

“Sure he is. ‘mister x’ seems like the most interesting guy to ever exist.” he spat out, hands shaking deep in his pockets. At this rate, he thinks he's all ready to cease a running train with one hand. 

“just because you refuse to acknowledge his name doesn't mean you can call him ‘mister x’, it's mr fuji.” you pointed out, as if reo had offended you with his misspelling. oh now you were defending him? just marry once and for all一please don't. 

“Anyway, I gotta meet him for lunchtime. you wanna tag along?” 

to be bland, reo was infuriated. he wanted to be mad at you, but oh一how could he when you looked so happy? with the most enthusiastic smile and he swore he could define preciousness underneath it alone. Unlike him, you never liked to swim between a myriad of people, always drawing a line when it came to your own personal space. so it's safe to say that reo, aside from being your boyfriend, was the first one to be this adjacent, the one that tackled your personal space wholly. then he wouldn't have to worry about sharing you一all for him to love and cherish. 

even if it hurts seeing someone mimicking his steps to your warmth, where he wanted to be the one and only there. Even if it meant wounding himself, reo didn't have the strength to stand up against your glee for his own gluttony of your attention. 

“of course,” reo would utter undertone, concealing what he had of dreads with a tight smile.

and yet, reo can feel your glances of doubt on him. He wasn't trying hard enough to hide his grimace when the first thing you snatched was a warped up raw meat, was he taking reo’s spot of being the first one on your mind?一and seriously, raw meat? what kind of epoch did this man colonize? when cannibalism was normalized?一 Still, he acted nonchalant. including two warped up sandwiches and just paid with his lips pressed on to a thin line. 

Even when the grip on the card was unyielding to the point he might just twist it if it wasn't for your hand to pat him up on the arm一he found himself easing up. just a little. and maybe his heart skipping a beat for the shortest time possible.

halfway walking, reo had to fight the urge to turn around and take a step back. Perhaps cry himself to sleep while he's at it. although, he found it in himself to straighten up. walk by your side with a stiffened shoulders and a heavy heart.

and when you two stopped, a nearby ditch, he figured that you two were in the place一the place his greatest nemesis of all time settled in. 

unwittingly, he asks, “Can he fight?”

“what?”

“I asked, can he fight?”

you shot him a look, tilting your head to the side in confusion. “You can say his name, y’know?” 

“only if he won.” 

you had to palm your mouth, suffocating your laughter. your boyfriend narrows his eyes at you, “what? you think I'd lose?” reo ranted, now you had both hands to stifle your chortle. and he could feel neck crimson sheepishly to a shade of red, whatever it was embarrassment or pure bashfulness under the tune of your laugh.

“Since when were you after someone's blood?” you managed to let out, wiping your fake tears. leaving reo to wonder how you directed to shone like clockwork一 glistening a smile he’d go to war for一dammit, this wasn't the time to act like his usual lovelorn self. 

“I am not. but if he wanted to dig a hole for himself, I'd be the last thing he'd see.” 

and before you could make out a witty response, a low bark echoes throughout the ditch. deliberate steps of an old dog come to view一if reo may guess, it was a Newfoundland dog breed. 

he sees you leaping up to the senile dog as if he was your longtime aibou. ruffling the feather black fur, the animal leaning lazily against your affection. reo almost awed at the sight.

“reo, this is mr fuji. mr fuji, this reo. my boyfriend.”

reo blinks. 

“it's.. a dog?” he slips out, ever so hesitant.

“not just any dog, the cutest, most handsome dog in the world.” 

Suddenly, he's able to breathe again. He felt like the world's burden just lifted off his chest. He inactively watched as you unfold the raw meat and fed the aged dog. giving it a gentle pat in his head before standing back up to your boyfriend’s side. 

“So it was a dog all along.” he acknowledged once again, a relief chuckle came from him as a soothing spring’s breeze. 

by his side, you lean onto him till your arms are touching, reo could feel your warmth against him一or maybe that was just his body heating unintentionally. “Is that why you were jealous earlier?” you asked, sloping your head to the side as you observed him. his face painted in the slightest hints of red. 

“I wasn't.” he tried objecting, tipping his head to the opposite direction of you. 

“you were.”

“woof.”

“see? even mr fuji agrees.” 

you knew he was a terrible liar when he was around you, it's always his cheekbones, ears and neck betraying him to unfold the chaste truth. with you squeezing the flesh of his arm gently, eyes keening on him. you were so unfair, you can't pull the ultimatum cunning he cannot find it in his heart to turn a blind eye on.

“So what if I was? Is it bad that I ache to be the only person you could consider?” 

there it was, it was a mythical pull一with all his three spies flushing out. “you know that's almost impossible, right?” 

“ the only man then.”

“go easy.”

“fine, the only man that'll get eulogized by you.”

“only if it's mutual.”

“trust, it has been biased for a while now.”

with that, you take his hands in yours. weaving farewells to mr fuji, with reo just side-eyed him while muttering something along the lines ‘geezer’ leaving you to question if it was your own mirages playing tricks on you. dog or not, reo will still count him as his rival of all time.

yet when you tend towards him, interlocking your hands as you walk side by side. from the corner of his lilac hues, he could tone your affluent reddish skin when tucking a lost lock of your hair behind your ear. his knuckles would linger on your cheekbones to flavor the warmth till you had to force him away.

reo would observe you for a while before saying, “I won.” circulating to the world, and to himself. with the stupidest, lovesick smile glued to his lips. you ought to kick his leg slightly, while he would let out a long, fake whine. asking you to kiss it better.

and you would, despite the grimacing peers around you two. it was hard to tell the one who fell harder.

[akutasoda]

* ☆ my heart's wish, a lover's gift

╰➜ wriothesley x reader

synopsis - it was, a humble wish. but sometimes they mean the world when they come true

warnings - gn!reader, fluff, small teensy bits of angst, maybe a tad ooc, probably the most cliche thing i'll ever write, wc - 2.5k

a/n: this is my secret santa fic dedicated to the one and only, super amazing sunni @scribs-dibs which i totally didn't rewrite completely with 5 days before the deadline... ahem- hope you enjoy this sunni!! im wishing you the absolute best and more, happy holidays :)

it was always a commonly known fact that wriothesley was always quite the busy man.

he spent most of his time down in the fortress. it was his job after all. although ever since you came into his life, wriothesley did try and spend more time away from the damp depths of the fortress - but when that wasn't entirely possible you could always count on letters back to you or even taking the initiative and visiting him yourself.

even during the holidays wriothesley was still required to be at the fortress, to nobody's surprise. he didn't exactly have the most flexible schedule and definitely didn't have defined holidays or even days off. so you weren't that disappointed to find out that he wouldn't have the winter holidays off as you expected that to be the case.

although that still didn't take the sting of realisation away. even a simple walk down the streets of fontaine could be a painful reminder of how little you saw the man you cherished so. seeing most people smiling and interlocking arms with their spouses or even simply being with their friends was a reminder painful enough to bubble that bitter feeling of loneliness back to the front of your mind.

even being home didn't help very much - opening the door to you and wriothesley's shared abode just to be greeted with silence was always a cold reminder as to where your lover was most of the time, at least the fortress was livelier than the lone rooms of the abode.

you often found solace in the fact that you knew that wriothesley would rather be spending his time with you. but the simple truth was that you loved him and he loved you, so you bore the cold isolation until he returned once more as you knew it would be worth the wait.

but was it really so much of an absurd wish for him to be home a bit more?

it was christmas eve.

the final chills of winter were more evident than ever, promising a few more days of sheer cold. but your day had been its same monotonous routine. a couple of errands had been run and companions of yours had been met - namely as most would be busy the following day.

but you were running out of things to do, ways to distract yourself. a part of you wondered if you could ever get someone to give wriothesley time off, although you had simply no clue on who would even be responsible for something like that

the streets of fontaine had never looked prettier. at least it was a pleasant sight while you wallowed in your own thoughts and dejection.

“may i ask what's weighing on your mind?” the calm, rather distant, voice served to startle you and scurry your thoughts away.

you looked to find neuvillette walking closer to you until he stood beside you, a quizzical yet composed look on his face.

your gaze became slightly downcast and you shook your head in an attempt to send a silent, unspoken, signal of “don't worry about me” before you looked up at him to finally verbalise something, something unrelated to his previous question

"what brings you out here at this time? surely you're quite busy?” and your assumption would be correct, it was barely the evening and so from what you remembered, neuvillette would most likely still be occupied with some kind of work

he let a small reassuring smile grace his face before briefly explaining something about having a break and taking a moment for himself

before he stopped briefly before continuing on a rather different train of thought, “apologies i digress from my true intentions, i'm here specifically to give you a message”

now it was your turn to be confused, “me? from who and what about?”

“i'm afraid it isn't that kind of message, as they only asked for me to ask you to meet them here” neuvillette hummed as he handed you a rather scruffy note

you read it's contents and something was itching at the back of your brain, you knew that handwriting. it looked so familiar yet you couldn't place exactly who it would've belonged to - perhaps your mind was too occupied to think clearly.

a brief thank you and a bid farewell was exchanged between the both of you as you began to make your way to the location. a million and one thoughts raced through your mind as to who would've wanted to see you right now, or even simply who.

it didn't take long at all for the named destination to be reached, neither did it take long for you to start thinking it was some kind of joke as it appeared nobody was there. maybe you were early? neuvillette wasn't exactly the kind to get himself caught up in jokes or pranks.. in your eyes anyway.

you looked down to the piece of paper again, rereading those same words, the handwriting still so painfully familiar yet completely lost on you as to who the owner was.

you flipped it over to see if you missed anything but the blank space led to that idea being quickly shut down. looking up again, you scouted the area to see if anyone was in the distance at least but yet again being greeted by the streets being bathed in an eerie silence, devoid of life.

a few minutes had passed since you arrived, it was cold and the evening certainly wasn't getting any earlier, so you decided that if this person didn't show up in the next couple of minutes you would just go home and confront neuvillette tomorrow. hopefully getting him to tell you who gave him the note and told him to deliver it.

just as you sighed to yourself, you heard footsteps approaching. looking around yet again, you managed to quickly deduce just where they were coming from - mainly by the distant shadow shrouded figure that was heading in your direction.

your eyes narrowed, attempting to try and deduce who it was and you swore from the figures stature and outline that you knew who it was immediately. but it couldn't be no? he would've told you if he had finally been granted time off.

your train of thought, and even slight bewilderment, was very quickly cut off when the figure got close enough for you to start distinguishing features.

features that undoubtedly belonged to your lover, the very same who you were not expecting to see anytime soon.

it took all your strength not to practically run and throw yourself at him - and judging from the way he stopped briefly before picking up the pace, nearly breaking out into a jog, wriothesley was fighting a similar battle.

although, he was losing his. as soon as wriothesley was in a reasonable range of you, he virtually tackled you into a hug. knocking you off balance to the point you would've fallen over should he have not been holding you.

wriothesley quickly had one arm around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer to his chest as his over arm worked its way up to allow him to place it over your shoulder, holding the base of your neck. at this point he was practically squishing you, but for now you couldn't care less.

you began to relax into his grip, slowly beginning to attempt to wrap your arms around his frame. it was almost as if the bitter cold of winter was long forgotten and the evening could slip away freely as for right now, all that mattered was that wriothesley was here. in your arms, embracing you after so long.

although it was only a matter of time before you started questioning why he was here. it wasnt that you didn't want him here, if anything it was the exact opposite but

it was simply the fact that you kind of expected him to not have the time to be with you anytime soon.

he pulled away first, it wasn't as if you had the option to anyway with his bear grip making it near impossible, but he brought your hands into each of his as he did so, holding them low. almost as if he couldn't believe himself that he was actually with you.

wriothesley could see your slightly confused expression and he could take quite the accurate guess as to what was the cause of your confusion. so he soon broke the air of silence between you

“you didn't really think i'd let you spend the season alone, did you?” his expression was one that was somewhere between a smug smile and genuine slight amusement that stemmed partly from his curiosity.

the obvious answer was yes.

you knew he wouldn't have done so intentionally, but it was pretty much expected that wriothesley was always more likely to be stuck deep in the depths of the fortress rather than in the comfort of your shared abode. so you hadn't expected him to be around, and even the mere thought of him having the holiday off seemed like wishful thinking on your end.

and he hadn't exactly told you otherwise at any point prior.

slowly, and slightly embarrassingly, you shook your head no and he let out a small awkward laugh

he smiled, “i don't blame you, even i only knew a couple of hours ago after i managed to fight my way into gaining these next couple days due to-”

his reasoning was soon lost to you.

rather admittedly, you couldn't actually care less about how or why he was granted a holiday and you definitely wouldn't question it in risk of jinxing him, somehow causing him to lose it and then he would end up going back to the fortress.

wriothesley quickly clocked your lack of interest in his reasoning and shook his head subtly, stopping his explanation which was losing its point by the second in honesty.

“nevermind, all that matters is that i'm here now and able to spend my time with you”

and with that, wriothesley gave you a smile, “so, how about we head home now yeah? it certainly isn't getting lighter”

you nodded.

wriothesley let go of both your hands, walking away in the direction of your shared home with you by his side. but it barely took a minute before he interlocked his fingers with yours on the side that was between you both.

he raised your hand in his slightly, “how about we stay like this for the journey? wouldn't want your hands to get cold now would we?” he smirked slightly at seeing you practically stare at him in disbelief.

all of sudden, the streets of fontaine seemed all the more brighter and livelier - despite actually having less people in them.

the lights twinkled brighter, illuminating a soft glow onto wriothesley's features as he talked to you about whatever was on his mind, namely what you both could do tomorrow with his day off.

you couldn't help but stare shamelessly at the joy evident on his face - something that was caused by the fact that he was thrilled to be able to simply spend time with you.

the walk home felt unreasonably quick, perhaps you were simply longing for more small moments like that wishing that they never ended - even if the end goal was back at home, with wriothesley by your side which only meant more time with him in retrospect.

upon opening the door, your shared abode feeling warmer and happier despite nothing actually physically being changed.

wriothesley stayed glued to your hip at all times. barely sparing you a minute to yourself but it wasn't as if you minded that much. he followed you like a lost puppy as you went about whatever you had to do, occasionally, and very regretfully, he would part from you to do his own thing before sprinting back to you.

and before you both started getting ready to turn in for the night, he turned to you, smiling softly as he brought you in for a kiss - one that held many apologies from his end but still carried the same warm feeling of affection, almost as if it was a promise.

a silent vow to you - one that pledged that no matter what, he would always hold an unmatched love for you and how he would always return to your embrace wherever it may be as that was his home.

you awoke the next morning, in your grogginess you could swear last night was a dream. some kind of wishful thinking to keep your mind occupied from a bitter reality. fortunately, it wasn't.

it would be hard to believe it was when you could feel wriothesley clinging onto you like some overgrown puppy, almost as if he was too scared to let go of you for his own fear of it being a dream as well.

but it was in fact a welcome reality, as opposed to the one you were more acquainted with of waking up to a usual half empty bed that was always stone cold to the touch.

he stirred when you did, pulling you even closer toward him, a silent plea for you to allow him to indulge in the gentle warmth that was provided by the air of laziness that was still very much present in the morning air. and who were you to reject him?

and to sweeten the deal, wriothesley began peppering your face in gentle kisses. opening his eyes ever so slightly and giving you a syrupy warm smile that was infectious - his messy bed hair making him all the more charming, evidence that this was one of the best rests he'd had in a long time.

it was this domesticity that you both craved.

the snugness of having small moments like this to give the reminder of what kept you two together. love so much more present in these times. just the two of you, in your shared house, not even doing anything, but it was more than enough.

you both could bare those bitter droughts of being away from one another if it meant that this was always what you two could return too and treasure.

truly all you could ever wish for was wriothesley back home in your arms - and he would do anything to fulfil that wish.

[deesseshesca]

PAC : How will your pregnancy go ? (18+)

PILE 2

PILE 2 

P H Y S I C A L

9 pentacles (reverse), 7 pentacles

First people here suffer from OCD, BPD or maybe bipolar disorder (depression can also be it). Just so you know it is going to get better. So much. Y’all are going to reunite with your soul tribe and the love of your life but when the pregnancy news will fall on you I see you slowly sinking from your partner perspective. The news will welcome you in a period of your life where you lost someone extremely dear to you. I see y’all trying to find another pile, because why get better for it to get worse. Why experiencing any good and love when being broken is inevitable ? Listen here ! There’s so much happiness you deserve to feel. So many people that need to meet you. The same way you are capable of accepting others for who they are and see their strength, a group of people can’t wait for you. You are hurting them without knowing by giving up on yourself. There's so much you haven't experienced, so many people you haven't loved and your future kids you haven't met. One day you are going to have so much more happy days over bad days. Humans tend to die when they are 80 years old, and you are going to let 20 years define your prime. I understand baby shit aint easy. Reading this makes it feel like it aint worth it but honestly the only thing that makes any of my reading worth it : is y’all. Until you don’t find the worth in yourself there is nothing I can say or the Universe can give you. So yes, you will lose somebody dear but you are still going to have your found family, the love of your life, your dream lifestyle and your baby. Did you see the change in perspective ? Does it not make it all more worth it ? You don’t even understand how prettier it is going to get. After your doctor appointment, your husband is going to hire a helper at home ( but actually their job is to keep their eye on you). Your husband may write your resignation letter because you are literally the zombie of yourself. You are going to hate seeing yourself. They are going to hide every mirror otherwise you will break it on sight. I have a vision of you doing your morning routine with the maid behind, no mirror on your vanity. You will spend hours sitting on your bench in the garden. Slowly but surely you will build a relationship with the maid. Is going to change you. Finally accepting your pregnancy and actually loving your baby. Slowly stopping being disgusted with yourself . Is going to have an impact on your husband … don’t worry they wont play the victim but is going to hurt them. To see you, losing yourself again. They will stay trying to hug you, kiss you, sit at the table talking with you even though all you do is nod and give one syllable answer. First semester : hermit mode, second semester : baby step out, third semester : happy again. Thanks to your support system. They are going to be here for you and your husband. I see your husband opening up to your bff and his homeboy and them allowing a safe place for him to vent so he can come back to you and be the man you need him to be until you are ready to be yourself again. I see your homegirl texting you even when you don’t answer. Even when you make plans and don't come, even when you don’t warn them you won't be there. They are not mad, they will actually send you flowers and fav snacks hoping to see you next time.

MORE LOVE ...

[beegomess]

Dark Paradise || Theodore Nott

Don't forget to watch the previous chapters

21. Somebody's watching me

The weeks passed, and Rony took courage and returned the photo to Theodore's book during a quidditch training. The boy sneaked into Slytherin's locker room, keeping the image back in any book in Nott's closet.

Y/N had already gotten used to the disappearances of Toast, who could now protect himself from other cats. This time, Y/N was barely seen even by her friends, she was really focused on her studies lately, spending hours she had free in the school library, hardly meeting them, with the exception of meals.

- Oh, Y/N, let's go. You're almost not seeing us, you need to distract yourself a little. - Daphne said to her friend as they got ready for class. Daphne and Pansy were inclined to convince the girl to go to Slytherin's Halloween party. Malfoy fixed her tie facing the mirror while the two girls were behind her, with big eyes.

- I'll only go if you promise to stop talking about it. - She answers impatiently, picking up some books on the bed. The two friends celebrated with the answer and went to class.

The girl would obviously go to the party, but she used to cheer up when this date approached. However, this time, she was really so busy worrying about studying the NOM's that she simply forgot the date.

The insistence of her friends, in turn, was given by the pressure that Theodore had been putting on both of them asking if Y/N would go or not, but they would not tell this part, the boy made them promise.

There were few things that could frighten a witch child who usually sees and does bison things in his daily life, however, to maintain a normal school ritual, Hogwarts decorated the school and promoted gymkhanas and a dinner on Halloween nights to keep the playful children alive even in tense moments in the wizarding world with the possible return of Voldemort.

Thus, the classes that day had an atmosphere of anxiety, both for children anxious for games and dinner, and for teenagers anxious for parties in their communities after dinner.

In exchange for some little help in his note, Y/N spent the day helping to organize the games and muggle movies with teacher McGonagall, in addition to practicing her magic by decorating the classrooms and corridors and defining the dessert menu for that dinner.

It was Y/N's idea to show some children's horror movies in some classrooms, however, she didn't think about the boring side of this task when she suggested it. The movie should have a free rating and should not insult the magical world in any way, demonizing them or putting them as bad things, that is, the selection was really difficult and time-consuming, consuming your whole day.

- I hope it's worth having done so many things, I'm dead. - The girl said, throwing herself on the sofa of her communal already decorated by her too.

- Don't worry, she certainly saw your effort. - Astoria tries to comfort the girl.

- Miss. Malfoy! - Snape's flating cape enters the place, making the teenagers present there straighten up.

- Yes? - Y/N gets up and tries to look presentable in her tatted clothes.

- Professor McGonagall told me that you were helping her, so she lent me you to help me today. - Y/N's face flarted into an even worse discouragement. - Miss will be responsible for delivering the letters to Slytherin students today. Wear a costume and introduce yourself in McGonagall's room as soon as possible. - The man was already leaving the place, when she interrupts him.

- Sorry, teacher, but I thought who was responsible for this was Gisela. - Severo turns around, pointing a superior look at the girl, who immediately regretted having questioned him.

- Does Miss want me to ask another student? But he will evidently take all the credit for the points Minerva promised him. - Y/N shrank slightly.

- No, Professor Snape, I'll be there. - Snape looked at her satisfied, leaving and leaving the Slytherin friends alone again. - Merlin, I did everything to not have to deliver these letters. - The girl snorted, turning to Astoria and Mattheo, who accompanied her there. - I'll get ready, I'll meet you at the party after dinner. - The girl said goodbye to her friends and then went to the dormitory she shared with Daphne and Pansy.

[...]

Theodore was coming home from his quidditch training when he found little Toast, next to the door of his room, as if he were waiting for him.

- Hi little friend, what are you doing here? - The boy bends down to take the feline in his lap, who starts purring immediately. Nott decides to take the animal inside his dormitory while taking a shower, after all, the castle was too busy to leave it outside.

Some time later, Theodore thought it was better to take him to Y/N's dormitory and ask her to lock him up at least for that night. Nott walked through the cold corridor of the dormitories, listening to a music increasing in volume as he approached her door. Y/N had put it loud enough to be heard from the shower, but now it wasn't really necessary to be at that volume, since she had already come out of the shower some time ago, just winding up and killing time.

- Y/N! - Theodore used one of his hands to knock on the door, while trying to speak as loud as possible, but it seemed in vain. - Y/N! - he called again, but still no answer. - I'm going in! - The boy then opened the doorknob slowly for fear of seeing some of his friends without clothes. The cat in his hand hid in his chest with the noise that increased when the door was open.

Before looking for anyone in the room, Theodore pointed the wand at the object that emitted the sound, using magic to minimize it, relieving the feline's senses on his lap.

- I thought you were going to get ready later. - Y/N was on her stomach with her legs bent swinging back and forth in the middle of the messy sheets, the girl heard the noise of the door slamming and the sound slowing down not worrying about looking at who it was, after all, it was probably Pansy or Daphne. The girl had a book in her hands and didn't take her eyes off it for a second, after all, she would read just one more page and get ready. Yes, maybe she said that 5 pages ago, but now it would be for real.

Theodore follows the noise of the voice stopping at the girl lying on her own bed without knowing that it was he who had entered, after all, if he had known, he would probably have covered himself. Nott froze when she saw that she wore only a small black lingerie on her lower body and a tight and strapless blouse. Merlin, he was losing control quickly with her lately, and that was the last straw for him to feel his blood boil quickly.

- Uh-hum... - The boy clears his throat, and Y/N widens his eyes freezing completely. Shit, maybe she should have looked back before.

- Oh, hi, Teddy. - The girl turns around and sits on the bed, trying not to look nervous about his presence there. - I see you found Toast, where was he? - Y/N had a gentle smile as she got up to pick up the cat on her lap.

Theodore took a long time to answer, the boy was focused on Y/N's body so close to him and later his hips swaying slightly as she moved away with the cat to where her food was, turning her back to him. Y/N lets out an anal laugh when she turns to him again and notices Theodore's trance, who in turn felt his pants tighten a little more than before.

- He was in my hallway. - Nott decided to answer before she got closer, the boy didn't want to look weak, but it was too late. Y/N was no longer feeling embarrassed, and she liked the fact that she left Theodore unconverted so easily. - Well, I have to go.

- But so soon? - Y/N got a little closer with an innocent smile on her face.

- I'll see you later, Y/N. - Nott just left and slammed the door.

Theodore quickened his pace, walking quickly and only stopping when he was locked in his room completely alone. "Damn, why did I act like that?" was one of the frequently asked questions in his mind now.

Would Y/N be the first girl to make Theodore Nott really nervous?

[...]

The heels of the white boots echoed in the corridor while the long sleeves of the lilac dress that opened like a subtle bell mouth on the wrists flocked with the walking movement, the Y/N skin goosebumps from time to time with the wind she felt coming in through the V-neckline that revealed enough of her bust, the green scarf around her neck was too thin to really warm something.

The other accessories, such as the tiara of the same color as the dress, just adorning the hair and pearl earrings, gave the answer about what Y/N dressed up on that Halloween. The agreement between her and Pansy was to go from characters from a Muggle cartoon, however, popular among wizards as children. Pansy would go to Velma while Y/N was to Daphne from Scooby Doo.

The girl already occupied her post at a table at the exit of the Great Hall. Letter delivery was a common activity in events like this in Hogwarts. A mailbox was at the door of each communal room, receiving anonymous letters to the wizards of that house. The letters went to the mailbox magically, that is, it was always full.

However, what Y/N discovered later was that things changed at the last minute, and she would just stay at a table waiting for people to pick up the letters destined for her, since all the letters from all the houses would be distributed by her, and in the end, if any letters were left, she would go after the people delivering them personally, this meant free access to all the houses for one night.

- Many letters for me? - Pansy supports both arms of the table and Y/N sees that the girl is finally tidy. She didn't even see the time pass, with the amount of people she talked about until that moment.

- Wow, you look wonderful, Pans!

- A real hot nerd, isn't she? - The brunette boasts in a joking tone.

- Absolutely yes. - Y/N gets up, turning around the table, waving to Neville Longbottom, who would be in her place for a few minutes if she needed to eat or go to the bathroom. - Let's have dinner, in a little while I need to go out there delivering the millions of letters that were left. - The two girls entered the great hall as soon as Naville takes his post at the table.

Y/N hasn't seen Theodore since the incident in his room earlier. At this point, the three girls laughed about it while Y/N told Pansy and Daphne, who was already waiting for them at the place, about the strange way Nott reacted to her.

After dinner, the girl took the leftover cards and went to the communal ones, after all, at this time the parties with drinks and loud music were already starting in the houses, which means that probably no one would come for letters. And it was through the girl's entrance to the Gryffindor communal that Fred and George gave simultaneous nudges to Rony who was sitting between the two brothers on the couch. For Y/N, it was really different to see the Gryffindor communal so full, dark and noisy, in addition to the clear and well-known smell of alcohol.

Rony's eyes shone when he saw her coming towards him with a gentle smile, for him, it was as if she was walking in slow motion. In fact, she had a pile of cards for some Gryffindors.

- Something for me, dear? - Fred asked cheekily, which made Y/N frown in confusion for the nickname, but she shuffled some letters and took out two envelopes delivering them to the red-haired boy.

- For you too. - She hands an envelope to George, taking four more and looking around. - Where is Potter?

- I can give it to him. - Rony gets up trying to get the girl's attention.

- I have express orders to deliver by hand. - Y/N pulled the letters to himself. - However, I imagine you know where he is.

- Of course, follow me. - Rony grabbed the girl's hand, crossing the excess of people there.

- They grow up so fast. - Fred sighs with a malicious smile to George, who just laughs at the insinuation.

Y/N delivered the letters to Harry and Hermione who was next to him had also received them.

- Who sent you this? Yourself? - Rony disdains the girl who looks at him possessed, Y/N decided to intrude this time.

- For your information, many boys asked me about Granger today. - Rony immediately shrinks while Hermione strange to be defended by the girl. - Well, I'm on my way. - Y/N moves away from the two boys, but when she gets to Hermione's side, she stops and says something in her ear, stirring up the curiosity of Granger's two friends who watched everything. - Don't let him treat you like that, don't forget that you received three letters today and he didn't receive any. - Y/N whispers and leaves the place. Hermione catches herself laughing at something Malfoy said and immediately composes herself.

[...]

When he finally finished the delivery of the letters, Y/N joined his friends in his communal, meeting some students from other houses on the way to his group. Theodore wasn't there, but Y/N decided to enjoy the party anyway. The girl drank and drank a little more.

Y/N hadn't realized that Theodore had already arrived and was watching her from afar, the boy wasn't even close to his friends. He was just leaning against a wall drinking without taking his eyes off her. Y/N had a marijuana cigarette given by Riddle between his lips while having fun and laughing while dancing with Draco a song that apparently both knew the whole lyrics.

At a certain moment, the girl saw him and approached him with those eyes that could consume him quickly. Nott still wouldn't admit it, but he would do anything if she asked nicely. She no longer had the cigarette between her lips, only the smell of the drug mixed with the girl's perfume intoxicated Theodore's thoughts in a few seconds.

Nott was surprised by the naturalness with which she ran her hands inside her jacket, looking directly into her eyes with a face of someone who was plotting something.

- Theo, can I ask you something? - The girl says next to Nott's ear, which made him shiver, but nod positively. - Why did you leave my room so quickly today? - Y/N had a face as if it were an innocent question, but his body denounced his intentions.

The soft lip between the teeth released slowly, the eyes up reaching every expression of Theodore. And, noticing that he was hypnotized again without answering, she lowers her hands to the bar of the white shirt that the boy wore under the leather jacket.

- Didn't you like what you saw? - She provokes more, this time with her hands dragging through the hot and tense body that she wanted so much at that moment. Theodore sighs and smiles maliciously in response.

- Do you really want to know? - He grabbed Y/N's hips harder, turning her and resting her back on his chest, squeezing where his hands used to rest, and pulling her body closer to his, causing her to sigh with the growing pressure in her ass. The girl nodded positively to Theodore's question, anxious to feel her breath so close to the skin of her neck. However, she realized that Pansy was approaching the two, but that was just another reason for Theodore to provoke her. - You were wearing tiny panties and a blouse that seemed to be almost opening so tight that it was on your breasts, Y/N. And fuck, your perky ass like that made me imagine that you were waiting for me, love. - Y/N swallowed dryly when she felt her legs melt and her panties soak, while Theodore seemed to get more and more pressed against her. Merlin, that was too much.

Pansy didn't come to talk to her, she just passed by Y/N, which made her sigh in relief. The girl turned again to Theodore, who approached her mouth to kiss her, but she walked away and just brushed her lips lightly.

- Teddy... - It came out almost like a whisper against his mouth.

- Tell me what you want me to do, love. - Theodore moved his hair away from Y/N's neck, distributing light kisses there, going back up to the girl's ear again. - I'll do anything you want, love, just say it.

- Merlin, Theo, I just want you to fuck me until I forget my name, please... - Y/N had a pulsating need under the dress, which made her say things she wouldn't say at other times. Theodore smiled against her skin, moving away and staring into her eyes.

- But maybe another time, amore mio. - Theodore put a lock of hair behind her ear, which had a more confused face every second. - Well, now you know how I felt earlier today, don't you?

Y/N formed a frown on his face, but quickly set up a plan in his mind. She wasn't going to wait long to get what she wanted.

- All right. - Nott was surprised by her quick acceptance, getting one foot behind her. - Can you take me to bed, then? - The girl asks with her big eyes again. - I'm so tired. - She pretended a yawn.

Theodore nods and passes his arm around the girl's waist as they head to her dormitory talking and laughing. Nott just didn't know that that night was reserved especially to make him feel uncomfortable in his own clothes.

_______________________________

next chapter>>>

xoxo, bee🫶🏼✨

[guywrestlingaddiction]

Everything Great About a Match: Troy Baker v Rick Egan (bgeast.com)

Everything Great About a Match: +4

Troy Baker v Rick Egan (bgeast.com)

SPOILER ALERT: I highly recommend viewing this match in its entirety before reading this post.

So let's begin:  +1: For Troy and that flawless body of course. The man's got those golden muscles that put all of us to shame.  No wonder Rick's intimidated by all that, the poor guy's got nothing on the one and only Troy Baker. 

Troy: You afraid to take your shirt off?!

Our guys start off shirtless in pants before stripping away to the main event! 

That look on Rick's face ...  All he needs to do is flash those biceps, give his opponent a look, and he's already won.  

+1: I love this version of the confident and assertive Troy. It's a thing of beauty to watch our Troy blossom into a fully composed, wrestler who can take anything Rick throws at him.  

I love Troy gagging his opponent to shut him up before fixing his hair.  I love the dominance here.  This isn't the Troy Baker of previous matches. 

Fix your hair, put some 200+ pound opponent out; you know the usual.

It's not all smooth sailing but Troy has enough in that sexy body of his to overcome this setback.

+1: For this move whatever it's called, a standing surfboard-leglock combo?  Whatever it is, that Troy Baker physique truly makes this hold a work of art.  I mean you can see every defining muscle on the man, damn! 

+1: For Troy finally getting the victory he deserves.  I mean check out this long, exhaustive rear choke with Rick barely fighting back.  Troy locks in the hold and wraps around Rick like a python and the guy can't (or more likely won't) get out of it.  I don't fault the guy.  Anytime spent with this dominant, alpha Troy is worth it in my opinion.  

Troy masters his opponent, turning Rick into a jobber. 

At one point Rick begins moaning and making unintelligible noises.  It's nighty night time. Stick a pin in Egan, the man is done. 

------- Everything Great About this Match: +4

So there you have it.  This is another side of the famous Troy Baker that we've all been craving.  The wrestling is not what we are here for fellas.  This match was setup to show us all the dominant version of Troy we all knew he could be.  After countless matches where our man has fallen at the feet of heels, this is his time to shine.

[preciouslandmermaid]

🕸🕷 weapons don't weep 🕸🕷

pairing: insomniac peter parker/spider-man x huntress!reader --(reader is kraven’s daughter / fem-reader / reader has scars from fightin’, but no other descriptions are used)

rating: mature/explicit (18+)

prompt: "I would die for you." // "I don't want you to die." // "I would kill for you." // "I don't want you to kill." // "Then I have nothing to offer you." // (source)

tags: past enemies, secret identity, reveal of identity, canon-typical violence, established fwb relationship, POV second person, no use of Y/N, blood & injury, hurt/comfort, reader struggles to quantify her worth when she’s not being used as a weapon, explicit sexual content.

*takes place after the events of Insomniac 2.

-> the reader doesn’t know who spider-man is, but spider-man knows who she is, considering she doesn’t hide her face/identity. You can read the prior parts here and here or find the whole series on ao3.

🕷🕷( READ ON AO3 ) 🕷🕷

Peter doesn’t ask questions about your scars. Although, that’s maybe because you don’t let him. Whenever he opens his mouth in a querying manner with his eyes on the marks, you grab his chin and kiss him until he’s panting and wordless. This arrangement works better without questions.

You and Peter haven’t defined ‘it’ yet. So far, ‘it’ includes working his garage to help with his foundation, getting take-out, and fucking him on the couch or the floor (the bed, you wordlessly decided, was too intimate and so you started pulling his clothes off before he could get you there). Plus, it's thrilling to fuck Peter on the floor. It feels rushed, heady, and impulsive. Today, you skip the take-out and work your tongue across his sweaty, salty throat instead.

Your hand curls into his short, soft brown hair, and your nails graze against his scalp. You’ve never known how to let things go once you got your hands on them and Peter is no exception. He whines into the hollow juncture of your throat, his hips snapping into yours, and your nails dig into the solid, sinewy heat of his shoulder. Peter is surprisingly fit for a cute, nerdy researcher. His lean musculature cages you in and brings you to new heights.

“Oh fuck,” you bite out as your neck arches backward. Your hand glides across his damp skin until you reach the nape of his neck. You cling to him as he holds you in his arms, his thighs tucked between yours as he kneels beneath you and shallowly thrusts into you. “’m close,” you warn him, gasping.

“Already?” he teases, “so soon?” You hear the smile in his voice, feel it pressed against your collarbone, and you swallow the growl in your throat.

You say, “Oh, fuck off, Peter.” You clutch his scalp tighter, letting the strands pinch between your fingers, and tug.

“God, yes.” His breath tickles your moist neck.

When you and Peter started sleeping together, you assumed he was the romantic and sensual type. The type of guy to kiss you throughout sex and want to cuddle afterward. The type of guy who called it ‘making love’ instead of sex. Now, your assumptions weren’t too far off. Peter does like kissing you and he likes you close. But, you’ve figured out what kind of mood he’s in based on how he kisses you. And thankfully, he likes a little wildness, too. You doubt you could ever tame yourself—even for him.

He enjoys it when you rake your nails down his back, when you cover his collarbones in love bites or pin his wrists over his head when you’re riding him. It’s fun. His surprising athleticism and flexibility have resulted in a range of experimental positions, although, Peter seems to favor the ones that he can see your face. Again, you don’t talk about it.

The ridges of his cock slide gloriously through your folds, earning a hiccup torn from your throat, and Peter clutches tighter. The slow, shallow rocking creates a new, wonderful depth that presses into your front wall, sending pulsing shock wave after shock wave through your nerves. You whine. Your body trembles.

“I can feel you,” he rasps before his mouth works over your jaw. “Squeezing…” he bites the word out and clenches his eyes shut. There’s nothing you like more than seeing Peter reduced to putty in your hands. His fine cheekbones grow ruddy and his lips glisten with saliva. He’s so painfully earnest. All his emotions ricochet across his face like flames. Sweet, and cute Peter, with his tense arms and beautiful brown eyes, and his kissable mouth waiting for you to devour him.

You kiss him, stroking your tongue over his, and forcing your mouths to breathe the same air. “Peter,” you whimper, gyrating your hips, “gonna make me cum—you’re gonna make me—”

“Yeah?” he mumbles against your mouth, “want you to, want you so bad.”

Your swollen clit rubs against him, creating a slick and tempestuous friction, as his cock steadily thrusts into your drenched cunt. His calloused palm drags over your ribs, skating across raised scars and old bruises, before he cups your breast and squeezes it, kneading the flesh between his fingers, and pulling another moan from your throat.

“Peter, peter, p-peter,” you pant. Something inside of you shudders and cringes at this wanton, weak, and breathless tone that he carves from your chest. You buck into him as he rolls your tight, peaked nipple between his index and thumb. You are as taut as a compound bow drawn back to strike. You clutch his hair tighter, unraveling, and your other hand dug into the hard curve of his shoulder. Peter groans like you ripped the air from his chest. You snap and cry out as your walls pulse around his hard cock, your body quaking in quick, short bursts.

Your back hits the carpet and Peter – sweet, kind, generous – Parker thrusts hard, fucking you through the swelling waves of your orgasm, as the wet, slick sound floods your head and your heartbeat threatens to pound through your chest. You yank his hair and his head is pulled back, exposing the beautiful, vulnerable column of his throat that’s covered in reddish-purple bruises from your teeth and tongue. Through heavily lidded eyes, you watch his mouth drop open and release a guttural cry of your name before his hips snap erratically into yours and you feel him finish.

He’s huffing, gasping, like you wrought his soul and wrung it dry before he collapses forward and onto your chest. You loosen your grip on his hair and let your palm settle on his nape, idly stroking your fingers through the fine, sweaty hair at the base of his skull.

What would Peter say if he knew the real you? If he knew you grew up alongside hunters and trained to kill. If he knew you and your siblings were taught to compete for your father’s attention and praise—no, praise was the wrong word—Kraven gifted knives, not compliments.

It doesn’t matter now, of course. Kraven, and the rest of your family, are gone. Dead. You’re the lone huntress who remains for better or worse. Whether you earned your father’s respect or not is irrelevant.

But would Peter still press his lips feverishly to yours if he knew who you were? Really, truly knew you. If he knew of your nightmares, triumphs, and proud kills, would he still clutch you to your chest or hold your face in his hands while you came?

In a rare moment of post-coitus vulnerability, you say the quiet part out loud, “Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning because of you.”

Peter lifts his head from your breastbone, his flushed expression pinched with curiosity. “What?” His lips quirk into a smile. “Because of the sweat?”

Because of the goodness in you, you want to say. In the months that have passed in his company, even before sleeping together, you are – and continue to be – baffled by Peter’s selflessness. He helps old people carry their groceries, he leaves an extra penny (when he has one) in the dish at the bodega, and one time he helped a woman with her cumbersome, folded stroller on the subway stairs during a slushy, cold winter storm before joining you at the turnstile, and the way he gently held your bleeding hand and carefully wrapped your injured palm in gauze.

You close your eyes for a second, collecting yourself, remembering yourself, and you roll your eyes when you re-open them.

“Yes,” you reply, nudging his shoulder with your hand, “up and at ‘em, Parker.”

“You’re more than welcome to use the shower.” He places a quick, almost self-conscious kiss on your sticky cheek before sliding off of you. “But, I can’t promise there’s hot water,” he adds with a grimace.

You sit up, admiring your handiwork for a selfish moment. His tousled, fucked-with hair, the hickeys on his throat, the pink hue to his cheekbones and ears, and his glossy, pupil-wide eyes that regard you with...something...attraction, probably, if you had to guess.

“That’s alright.” You snatch your underwear from where it landed on the coffee table. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Same time, same place.”

Peter rubs the back of his neck. “You could stay,” he offers while pulling on his black boxer briefs. “It’s getting late.”

You scoff. It’s barely eight. “I promise I’ll get home safe.”

You can’t afford to indulge him – to be vulnerable is a death sentence. This arrangement is all you can give him. You can kiss him in the garage and let him hold the door open for you and suck his dick on the couch, but you can’t stay. To stay would be to admit that you feel safe with him. To stay would be to admit that you trust him. No. No. It’s better to go home, to your one-bedroom with pockmarked walls and your careful traps and scraps of Kraven’s leftover technology.

He doesn’t know the real you, you remind yourself, and that’s a good thing. Peter deserves someone uncomplicated for his little quiet life. You have no illusions about yourself and what you mean to him. This arrangement is built on mutual attraction and the stressors of late-night lab work. It’s a fun distraction. Nothing more. Nothing less. And, if you’re being honest, you like the simplicity of it.

Despite the horrors of being Kraven’s daughter, you liked having a place among the hierarchy and having a role to fulfill. A job. And Peter gave you that. He gave you a purpose outside the hierarchy of bloodshed, trophies, and cruel competition.

You are his partner in the foundation and you’re trying to find a cure for cancer. That’s your role. You just so happen to fuck him on the side, but that arrangement can be dissolved whenever without any hard feelings on your end. Simple. You like simple.

“Text me when you get home?” He holds the front door open for you.

You grab him by the collar of his cotton t-shirt and press your lips to his. He melts into you, his hands finding your waist, squeezing your hips, and pushing your spine against the doorframe. The kiss has your toes scrunching inside your boots and you’re almost tempted to take him up on his offer – stay and earn a hundred more kisses, and a few more orgasms until you’re boneless and drunk on dopamine. You sigh into his mouth and catch his lower lip between your teeth and give him a light, teasing suck before releasing it.

“Unless you’ve changed your mind?” he breathes, sounding ever-so-eager.

You pull away, smirking. “Nope.”

He places one hand over his heart. “You’re gonna be the death of me.”

A surprised laugh escapes your throat. “No way. You’ve got the spirit of someone who will live into their eighties and spend retirement feeding ducks and pigeons in the park.”

Peter smiles, though it’s hard to know if he’s smiling because of your joke or your unexpected laughter.

“If I’m lucky,” he says, still smiling.

***

“You know,” Spider-Man begins, his legs swinging over the ledge of the building you were both perched upon, “you said ‘one time’, but if I’ve done my math right, then this is like the hundredth time you’ve helped me.”

You don’t remove the binoculars from your face. “Your point?”

“Just makin’ observations,” his tone is light, but there’s something else there – you can sense it as easily as you sense animals moving through the brush. You drop the binoculars and let them dangle from your throat where they bump against the sore pieces of your chest that Peter marked. The subtle, thrilling twinge of pain sharpens your focus.

“I’m not doing this for free,” you remind him.

His lenses widen. “I’m supposed to pay you?!” he asks incredulously. “Since when?”

You shake your head. “I have my reasons for tagging along when your targets are interesting enough,” you say, “and they aren’t monetary.”

“Then what is it? It can’t just be my company.” You hear the smile in his voice. “Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were.”

You bite back your smile, bring the binoculars back to your face, and return your attention to the street. Sometimes, Spider-Man will say something that reminds you so fiercely of Peter that it makes your heart ache. A good person would cut ties with Parker, end the arrangement, and let him find an uncomplicated lover without a serrated, damaged heart. But, alas, you’re not a good person. You decide to text Peter after this and see if he’s interested in pretending to watch a movie with you.

“I’m looking for someone.”

“Who?”

Your reply is short. “That’s none of your business.”

He sighs and mutters almost to himself, “Can’t blame a guy for trying…”

***

Your plans to text Peter fly out the proverbial window when the explosion sends you flying into a concrete wall. There’s no way he won’t question the bruises that’ll undoubtedly litter your back like Dalmatian spots.

You cough, rolling onto your side, and blink past your tears toward the shifting shadowed shapes of Spider-Man and the armored human on the flying bat-shaped glider.

The smoke has a strange, otherworldly green hue. Your instincts kick in. Your knees curl forward as your palms brace yourself and you push upright and remain crouched. You tug the scarf around your neck toward your nose and cover your mouth. You recognize toxic bullshit when you see it.

You notch an arrow and squint through the haze. Spider-Man moves insanely fast. His body contorting and twisting, dodging near-fatal blows at the last second, and jumping back into the fray like a snapped rubber band. But, your opponent matches Spider-Man in speed, using the glider to dodge or flip out of the way of his webs. You hold your breath and a bead of sweat tickles your temple.

“Easy,” Kraven’s voice fills your head. The smoke shifts to verdant, lush leaves surrounded by moist heat, intensified by the recent rainfall, and you are surrounded by your father’s breath and the hum of insects. Your fingers press into your cheek as you draw the bowstring back. The green-armored villain tosses several blades and Spider-Man stumbles back, clutching his ribs, and your breath trembles. You must kill this creature. You must find it’s weak point. The tip of your arrow tracks toward the villain's skull. The design of it is strange. It’s almost...impish.

‘It’s too well protected’, you think, frowning behind your scarf, ‘we need a different opening.’

Kraven admonishes, “Do not rush, Huntress.”

The yellow eyes pierce you through the leaves. You release your arrow and it sings through the air before catching on the goblin’s large, insect-like yellow eyes of his helmet. As the impact rings through the smoke and fire-filled building and the goblin is knocked from his glider, another sound cuts the air, and a rush of wet, warm copper fills your mouth.

You glance down and stare stupidly at the two small blades that are lodged inside your chest. Your yelp is strangled by the blood in your throat. The concrete beneath your knees is strange and off-putting. Weren’t you outside? You cough and bloody phlegm splatters on your shirt and over your chin.

A cry rips from Spider-Man’s throat, “Huntress!”

“What did I tell you?” Kraven sneers. “Too soon. You could have killed him if you had waited.”

“Shut up,” you say thickly, stowing your compound bow on your sore, bruised back. “I’m busy.” Spider-Man still needed your help. You’ve thrown the goblin off, but he isn’t giving up. His wide, bleeding eyeball glares at you through the broken yellow glass even as he defends himself against Spider-Man’s agile attacks.

Kraven says, “Is that any way to speak to your father? You will choke on those words, girl.”

You pull your hunting knife from the sheath on your thigh. “Looking forward to it.”

The pain should cripple you, but you’ve trained under more duress than this. Your inhale is ragged and impeded by the stuffy, claustrophobic heat. It’s agony. Your lungs, with joyously shared breath with Peter a few hours ago, rattle and crinkle with blood. You push forward and into the chaos. The goblin is faster than you expected for a target that’s covered in iridescent green armor that’s reminiscent of a beetle's shell.

The upside to fighting with Spider-Man and against him is that you know his technique. You know how he moves, where his feet will be, and how he follows through. There is a fluidity to it that you’ve never experienced with any other hunt. Your blade clangs loudly against the forearm armor of the goblin, and it’s enough of a distraction for Spider-Man to get a good, solid hit.

However, you sense the fight isn’t over. You understand, through virtue of being Kraven’s daughter, that this creature, this man, will fight to the death.

The black shadows start to crawl at the edges of your vision. You grunt and block a kick that would’ve landed on your sternum. You clench your jaw and your blade, trying to fight off the prickling numbness that trickles into your fingers.

“Careful, Spidey.” The Green Goblin laughs. “Your girlfriend doesn’t look too good.”

“You could make this easy by just giving up,” says Spider-Man, “have a nice and relaxing vacation in jail. But noooo! Bad guys always gotta -” he lands a kick “- make things so-” another kick, followed through with two quick web bursts “-difficult!”

A small lick of pride works up your spine. Spider-Man isn’t merely holding his own. He’s pushing the goblin backward, cornering him, and soon there will be nowhere left for him to run. The goblin laughs. Something flashing catches your attention. It’s the goblin’s glider and it’s – your eyes widen with realization - oh fuck – it's counting down. You shove your blade into the Green Goblin’s armpit, the only weak point you managed to catch and grab Spider-Man’s arm.

“Trap,” you wheeze. The bomb-rigged glider has barely five seconds remaining. Your body jolts and a pained scream shapes your mouth as Spider-Man pulls you into his arms and shoots a web toward the broken, metal support beams above.

There is a rush of smoke and cinders and terrible, terrible heat.

“Stay with me,” Spider-Man says above the roar. You cling to him, your chest and stomach slick with blood and smearing against his red and blue suit. The void swallows your vision. The world is a blur, a rush of sound and sensation, and your head lolls backward.

***

You smell singed, burnt clothing. You taste is metallic, harsh blood. You wiggle your fingers. You are, for the time being, alive.

You open your eyes and catch Spider-Man removing his burned mask. Short, brown hair and earnest coffee-hued eyes, his skin smudged with soot, and trails of shiny blood glistened from both ears.

“Oh good,” you wheeze, “it’s you.” You want to laugh, all the little moments of Spider-Man reminding you of Peter now make sense in retrospect. You resist the urge to giggle. You don't need further pain added to your delirium. 

“If it was anyone else,” you continue, “I don’t think I’d die for them. But, I would die for you.”

It’s such an easy truth to give him. Peter, who gave you purpose beyond bloodshed, is a worthy person to die for. Spider-Man, your once-enemy, a worthy adversary, who risked his life for a city that you weren’t sure deserved him, is a worthy person to die for. You’re glad they’re one and the same.

Peter crawls to you, hands tenderly cupping your jaw, and says, “I don’t want you to die.”

Your fingers trail lightly over his bruised cheekbone. “I’d kill for you, too, if that means anything.”

“I don’t want you to kill,” he chokes the words out.

“Mhm.” The tears prick at the corners of your eyes. Pain or grief? It’s hard to tell. “Then I have nothing to offer you.”

How shameful to admit it. You are a weapon and weapons don’t weep, but here you are – you are weeping. You try to muffle it because it’ll hurt from the blades protruding from your skin that pieced into your body armor, and because it’s been so many years since you’ve cried that you think you might’ve forgotten how.

“Don’t – don’t say that.” His thumbs stroke your face and graze over your lips. “You’re more than Kraven’s offspring and you’re brighter than his legacy ever was. You are more – so, so so much – more than that. Now, hold on, for me? Okay? Help is coming.”

You close your eyes. In that building of greenish smoke and torn-asunder concrete and twisted metal, was it really your father’s ghost that came to help you and taunt you in equal measure? Perhaps it was. It serves as a good reminder. You’re a killer. A hunter. No matter how domesticated you pretend to be, you cannot escape the thrill and excitement you feel before and during a hunt, and that delight, that euphoric release, cannot be replicated and it cannot be tamed. You drop your hand from Peter’s face and weakly hold his wrist, your thumb pressing into his pulse point.

This is always how your story was meant to go. You are destined to die at the hands of a greater predator – just as your father before you. How foolish of you to dream otherwise. How naive.

“I am what they made me,” you admit softly.

“Stop.” Peter shakes your shoulder and your eyes snap open with a pained, sharp wince. “Stop acting like this is goodbye. I need you to fight this, Huntress. I need…” He swallows and his eyes are bright, almost glassy when they meet yours. “I need you.”

A thousand arguments jump to your tongue but you don’t have the energy to articulate them. The tempestuous pull of oblivion laps at your consciousnesses like the swell of the sea. It would be so easy to let go, to release, and to succumb. So, so easy. No more pain. No more doubts about your place in the world. No more pacing around your apartment waiting for the next call to action. No more desperate searching for your father’s half-brother. You don’t even understand why you want to find him.

‘I don’t want to be alone anymore,’ you think in a shock of clarity (it seems near-death has its uses). Your eyelashes flutter. The lull of the void sings her siren’s call to you. It would be so, so easy to let go.

“You aren’t alone,” Peter says urgently. Oh fuck. You said it out loud. How does this keep happening? How does he keep effortlessly pulling the truth from you? Your defenses are good. They’re well-built and maintained and nobody has ever, ever managed to get past them.

Until him.

“Listen to me,” he says your name sweetly and desperately. Usually, that tone is reserved for when you’re lost in the throes of each other's skin, and so, you do as he wishes. You force your eyes to remain open, and you hold his gaze even though it feels like he’s burning you with it, and you grip his wrist tighter – let him be your anchor, your tether, to this wicked, heartless world.

“When I lost Harry, and when I lost Aunt May, I thought I’d never...be capable of finding someone like you...and I was afraid to let someone get close. And I’m terrified...I am so fucking scared that I’m going to lose you. I don’t want to lose you,” he says your name again as if to punctuate his sentence.

“I don’t care about your family, or your history, or any of it. I care about you. So, stay. I’m asking you to stay. Please. Please stay,” he says through his tears and you clumsily reach forward, gripping the front of his suit, and pulling him weakly toward you. You press your forehead against his. His expression fractures with tenderness and it presses into your skin like a hot, sizzling brand.

“Apply pressure to the wound,” you whisper, tasting blood and salt, “and keep me talking.”

He does as you ask and you do as he asks. For the second time in your life when Spider-Man asks you to stay – you do.

[drdemonprince]

to the anon who sent me the message that took them 4 hours to draft.

I think your experience both with organizing and disability has probably provoked you to rethink the entire concept of "success" as our culture has defined it, even if you feel yourself still longing for some of the comfort and ease that capitalistic success can seemingly provide (or that we are conditioned to believe it can provide). im not sure what to say that can match the effort your put into your message, in fact i am galled by the fact that i know that i can't match that effort. i don't know how to make sense of the fact that a person who is finding it incredibly difficult to remain connected and engaged during this time, due to disability, has decided that i was worth that level of effort when they don't have the energy to message people they know. i don't think i am worth that effort. but i also respect that mired in all that you're mired in, it's a meaningful gesture toward engagement and connection to even bother writing such a message. i just think in a lot of ways i am a misplaced target for it, because i am a ridiculously privileged and publicly exposed individual who receives dozens of heartfelt messages that he doesnt find the time to respond to every single day. i think if anything that i've written rubs you the wrong way you'd be right to approach it with cynicism. because what the fuck do i know, banging around on my laptop every day and getting paid for it. how dare i lecture anybody about not unlearning capitalism adequately enough. i am one of capitalisms little milking cows. a massive publishing company makes a weekly profit off of me, off the byproduct of the worst years of my life and my worst traumas, as well as the meaning i've made from the scholarship of others.

i'm so enraged for you that you got a debilitating case of COVID (after several other cases) on an encampment, and that now the community you foster at that encampment is not there for you. i am disgusted at how more seasoned activists and organizations have regarded student protestors as disposable this entire year, selling them out to the cops, cutting bad deals with campus administration, and sending them to yellow and red risk level actions without adequate communication and getting them kettled and beat, or else nullifying their efforts with mealy-mouthed talk about keeping things peaceful. i see so many toothless, neoliberal protests happening here, ones that serve only as fundraisers for massive nonprofit orgs, and i also see literal teenagers being dragged right into paddy wagons by the likes of the PSL or the RCP while the Dems deride them and dance to Brat tracks, not even pretending to care the way they unconvincingly did in say 2020.

It's all making me terribly cynical, wondering where we are headed and whether i can or should encourage people who are younger, stronger, more energetic, more pliable, and more vulnerable to me to give up all that they've got for a cause when it's likely gonna be chewed up and spit out and not met in effort by anyone else. i am mournful of the fact that even i can't match that effort. every time i get a message from a friend or acquaintance who is going through some new awful traumatizing event i want to just curl up and disappear, because i can't even keep up with sending compassionate messages to all of them, let alone actually showing the fuck up and doing anything for them. and so sometimes i slip into the disaffected, blunted feeling that once led me as a younger man into libertarianism, thinking that all i can or should do is look after my own wellbeing, and fuck everybody else. and obviously that is a horrible path that is not by any means moral and certainly didn't help me anyway. it felt like we were on the brink of a great paradigm shift of some kind, a collapse of these evil systems, and now it feels like all of that is as far away as it's ever been, and that there aren't enough people with class consciousness and care for one another to make it happen.

i don't know. i think we all have to abandon our dreams of success, of comfort, of saving the world, the fantasies of everything being fine. i think we need to look to our immediate surroundings and our communities. i think we need to ask for help a whole hell of a lot more than any of us are doing, and to recognize that that is a form of helping. i think we need to get small. and remember we are weak animals. and stop thinking there is anything special or chosen about us. and to remember that nature can often be very cruel and that there is nothing we are owed. disabled people already know this of course, we know life isn't fair. we try to do what we can and yet we wake up feeling even less capable the next day, and it knows no logic and the universe remains indifferent to it. but there are people around us who can care, when we ask them to. and ways that we can just be there alongside one another in the muck of it all. not even necessarily making things better. certainly not being a savior and making the pain go away. maybe just sitting in the muck together.

all of which is to say, i am feeling stuck and overwhelmed and useless myself, anon, and i dont have any more answers than you. but thanks for messaging. im sorry people have taking advantage of you. including in my opinion lots of other activists. looking after yourself and not letting people guilt you doesn't mean turning into a conservative. the kind of anarchy that i am embracing right now is one that goes beyond linear change, beyond making meaning, beyond any idealistic visions of the future, beyond even fighting for some kind of symbolic survival. it's just being. none of it has to mean anything, none of it has to be headed anywhere. it just is. there is plenty for you to be bitter about.