#don't ask me to explain these i can't explain most of them AHAHA

[forest-hashira]

i only needed one yes so mickey this is for u 💜

jjk characters as hybrids!

satoru is a snow leopard

suguru is a fox

shoko is a maine coon

utahime is a eurasian lynx

nanami is a german sherpherd

yuji is an akita

megumi is a wolfdog (specifically wolf/husky)

nobara is a calico cat

maki is a wolf

toge is a shiba inu

yuta is a dobermann

sukuna is a tiger

toji is a wolf

naoya is a coyote

yuki is a cheetah

choso is a rottweiler

[jeannyjaykaydeh]

Movie Lessons

(Part 3/3)

Part 2:

Part 1:

Alastor x Reader

A new day is dawning. Today you are up earlier than usual again. This time, however, you have no big plans. You just couldn't sleep anymore.

You walk down the stairs of the hotel and look around the lobby: Nobody seems to be awake yet. But before you decide to sit down at the bar and drink your tea alone, you see Alastor sitting on one of the bar stools. With his eyes lowered on the whisky glass in front of him, he seems absent-minded, as if he were in distress.

The Radio Demon and sorrow? These words don't really go together in a sentence.

You walk over to the bar to go behind the counter and make yourself a cup of tea. But just as you are about to fill the pot with water, you hear a snap of fingers and as you raise your head, you see that Alastor has conjured up a cup of freshly brewed, wonderfully fragrant tea for you.

‘Thank you,’ you say, smiling slightly shyly, and then you go to the bar stool and sit down.

You look at Alastor. He is still staring at his glass.

And then you take a deep breath and dare to ask him: ‘What's wrong?’

As if he has been torn from his deep thoughts, he jolts and looks at you, almost inconspicuously.

His smile turns into a grin that expresses false cheerfulness, and he replies: ‘What makes you think there's something wrong, my dear? Do you really think I'm one of those miserable souls trying to drown my sorrows in whisky and hoping that someone like you will play therapist and treat me? Ahaha, then you know me very badly, Y/N.’

Even though you expected this kind of reply from the radio demon, you are still a little offended and regret approaching him.

You turn away from him and pick up your teacup to inhale the fragrant vapours. You close your eyes with relish and sink into the pleasant atmosphere created by the fruity taste with a delicate hint of vanilla.

‘Anyway, how was the film?’ Alastor's voice suddenly pulls you out of your meditative state.

You open your eyes again, but keep them fixed on the cup. Slightly disgusted, you make a face and answer: ‘Pretty bad. Bad actors, hardly any action, a story with little content and insanely clichéd. For the most part, romantic films are simply unimaginative and don't exactly treat the relationship or women respectfully.’

You mutter the last sentence to yourself, but Alastor understands every single word. You can't see it, but a satisfied smile is forming on his lips as he looks at you.

He says, ‘Haha, I see what you mean, darling. Love films have no sense of truth.’

Now you turn to him again. Your look shows confusion and with a surprised laugh you ask: ‘How would you know? Since when does the great Radio Demon stoop to the level of a soap opera?’

‘Well my dear,’ Alastor raises an eyebrow and adjusts his bow tie, ’I am full of surprises, after all. But don't think that I have studied a picture box for my own amusement. And please don't think that I have even the slightest enthusiasm for inferior romantic performances. However, I am not spared the necessity to develop and learn occasionally.’

You sceptically eye the man next to you and nod hesitantly to show him that you understand what he has explained.

‘And... what have you learned?’ you now want to know, overcome with curiosity.

‘That the world can never function the way these strange stories suggest. A man will never win a woman's heart with such behaviour. This constant romanticisation of patriarchal conditions and the constant assumption that love can only be expressed through creativity and grand, extravagant acts, as well as the belief that all women want the same thing, is poison for human souls, and I am not surprised that there are so many of them in hell.’

You are momentarily taken aback. Then you realise that Alastor's critical words about patriarchy turn you on a little, and then it becomes clear to you as if with a snap of your fingers, and you remember the moment when Alastor almost killed you with a bouquet of flowers. He just said something about trying to learn something about films, and suddenly all the strange situations fall into place like pieces of a puzzle and it becomes clear what he was trying to do: he wanted to invite you on a date, and he tried to do so by looking at a method from a romantic film, copying it and trying it on you.

Your heart melts at this realisation and you now find the radio demon cuter than ever.

And you feel a little sorry for him.

There is a brief silence between you. You take a big sip of your tea cup - the tea tastes fantastic!

Then you put the cup down in front of you, think for a while and it doesn't take long for something to come to mind.

You smile slightly and reply to his speech from earlier: ‘I fully agree with you. Above all, who says that a woman always has to be wooed? She could also take the initiative and ask a man out if she is interested.’

Alastor looks at you questioningly and it seems as if he already knows the answer, because he is also good at reading between the lines. Before he can say anything, you get up from your bar stool, take his hand, kiss the back of his hand, and with an intense and charming look in his eyes, you ask: ‘Alastor. Would you like to go on a date with me?’

Amused, the radio demon begins to smile and he replies with a joking chuckle: ‘Oh, my dear Y/N. You really know what a man wants.’

[moonspirit]

Damn, sorry, no matter how much I think about it, I'm one of those people who doesn't believe in boat sex 😔

It's just that when I think about aruani... I can't imagine them going to that phase so quickly EVEN in extreme circumstances (the end of the world).

Maybe Armin, just because he's a boy and grew up among boys and I imagine at their age there aren't many things that expose their souls to such pure horror as "dying a virgin". But Annie...nah, I just don't believe she could do that. Accept her inevitable death? Yes. Change her mind and join in saving the world? Okay. Show the boy you like your boobs? Lord have mercy, anything but that.

Actually, that explains everything. The only reason Annie came to the aid of the Alliance was because she and Armin DIDN'T have sex. She just needed a year or two to prepare herself mentally. If they had anything back then, everyone would’ve just died a horrible death in that battle. Reason to think……🧠

Hey, hello!

Ahaha that's cool too! I should say some of us feel the same way, so all's well and nothing to apologize for.

I really appreciate boat sex fics because the ones I've read are so beautifully constructed with all the complex and angsty emotions on full display (like @annawayne's Neverland of (Our) Desires, for example). I think the whole boat sex scenario really shines a spotlight on Aruani at their most vulnerable and weak selves and it's a very good time to explore their characters because so many pent-up, unsaid things just come out.

That said, if you asked me personally whether I hc the boat-sex thing myself, the answer would be no haha xD Because I'm a fan of Aruani post-rumbling sex you see; I like the taste of them being frustrated and touch-starved and pining for each other on Fort Salta and then getting it on under circumstances where... the world is definitely not ending and they can do it again, and again, and again, RIP. Just, happier circumstances, y'know?

But also yes, the reason you mentioned first - while I don't really find it hard to imagine they might've had sex on the boat on their "last day alive" (real life is crazier, remember), I *personally* like to think that Armin's anguish and guilt over the Rumbling might've been too great for him to really let go and give in to desire. It's easy to overlook it, but Armin was one stressed guy on that boat. Annie too might've been consumed with thoughts of her father, of her luck (or the lack thereof), of how things have come to be, of the time she missed, of her impending death and what best she can make of her time before it.

Though this bit you said:

...If they had anything back then, everyone would’ve just died a horrible death in that battle...

Because they're too out of it the morning after that they just forget entirely about the rumbling?

Yeah, canon 😔

[yourloveaton]

Just scroll through everything I have missed. The fuck you mean Trickster doesn't sleep ?!?? What. Did I get it wrong? Am I not understanding something?

Plus, about my last ask about Undyne. Or if to be more concreting about the Asgore's "maybe ask Trickster to train Undyne a bit" part of the answer. I personally really can't see him doing this. Because Trickster is kinda...not..really... in the guard??? Like you get it? Yes, Sans started doing this while he was part of the guards, WE knew that. And yes, he might be associated with them in the eyes of other monsters. But realistically, how can someone who's identity you don't know be officially a part of the government structure? So that means you can't really say this person what to do. You can ask nicely and hope that this will work, but ehh idk about that

Of course, there is another explanation for this possibility. Trickster simply was given a job offer as part of a guards at some point from Asgore. And now he gets paid twice. As Sans and as Trickster. LMAO, just think about it XDD Which actually made me think, does Sans get paid at his job at the laboratory??? Or Gaster just taked him as an unpaid intern. Ahahahah, that would be cruel

OKAY I’m slowly getting back to the inbox IM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT AGAIN 😭🙏🙏 It’s been so busy I couldn’t have the time to seriously sit down and write earnestly…

HAHAHA WHERE DID U GET TRICKSTER’S SLEEP HABITS FROM He does get sleep, but I guess it’s so little enough that nobody has seen him sleep or anything related to it rlly !!! Who knows 🤷

Yeahhh I get your reasoning !!! Let me try to brainstorm and explain what I’ve thought for Trickster’s position in royal guards and anything related to it

Asgore and Sans know each other, through Gaster since in this au Gaster and Asgore were friends that worked together, Gaster introduced the skelebros to Asgore long time ago

I in all honesty haven’t thought throughly about the Trickster’s royal guard role and its details yet cuz I’ve been working on his other parts of his lore, which took more priority as of now AHAHA

But as I was saying, Trickster’s existing connection with Asgore and how his silly reputation with the underground would have reached to Asgore’s ears eventually and and and UGHH MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING SORRY Gaster could’ve told Asgore too actually AHAHHAAHA many possibilities happening here

but what I wanted to say is that, Asgore would know Trickster eventually and THAT IS WHY he could’ve asked Trickster to do little training session for Undyne since Asgore would’ve wanted her to learn and experience new things from someone different than himself, also it’s his close friend’s son like he’s sure he got some tricks up to his sleeve that could help undyne’s growth or WHATEVER I THINK THATS WHAT I THOUGHT AT THE TIME?? I genuinely don’t remember anymore….

Yeah sorry… I lowkey forgot most of it let me think again… The royal position he’s gotten could either be a sentry or u know, replacing someone’s role for a time because of reasons? Cuz one of the ideas I had was that Gaster heard Asgore’s talk about maybe royalty guards and role replacement or whatever was talked about so Gaster might’ve put Trickster to handle it??? IDEK IF I EXPLAINED IT PROPERLY IM SO SORRY I’m in brainstorm mode rn I’m not good with writing 😭😭😭

But errr errr yeahh something along the way, could be worked more on it later on..

Trickster was an unpaid intern for a while actually AHAHAHA but he did eventually start getting paid for it, not that it matters much cuz… yeah… they’re lowkey rich…. Trickster is a nepo baby 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

anyway, thank you so much for your asks again, I appreciate them SO SO MUCH you’ve got no idea !!! Makes me enjoy developing Trickster’s lore even more too ehehehee 💖💖💖 Let me know if u didn’t get any of these or just have another question heh

[spookythesillyfella]

This is going to be a weird inbox to get considering it's 3 in the morning (On my end) as I do sent it but I've been wondering if you ever associated any song with digitaltime? This is a relatively new question for me to ask anyone since I don't usually go digging for ships out of the idea MAYBE people may feel embarrassed/uncomfortable talking about it? (Even if it did give them comfort!) If not song(s) at least maybe you can talk about them a bit, I used to love digitaltime back when I first joined dhmis in 2016 so I'm always really amazed the ship LIVES ON somewhere! (FEEL FREE TO TALK ABOUT SONGS AND HEADCANONS/IDEAS if you wanna do both I'd LOVE to hear!) I've been meaning to inbox you for days actually! Just couldn't seem to get myself to do so relating to mental health crisis haha. I'm hoping I'll be able to reach out WAY MROE OFTEN just to remind you I am here!! Really always excited/interested in what you have to say even if I've not expressed it forwardly back at least this way uuhh uh. You can ignore this </3 I know it's been hard lately!

Stay strong !!

HII !!!! HI HELLOO HIII !!!! :DDDD

ouhhh goodness i adore thiz question – i love listening to muzic and thinking about theze lozerz X33 I JUST NEVER GET THE CHANCE TO CUZ NO ONE AROUND CAREZ ABOUT THEMMM >X[

i actually have quite a lot but i cant just go on a 3 hour analysis of all the onez . so might az well give you the short n sweet of it – i really wouldn't want to waste your precious time ahaha ¥_^

★ "505" – Arctic Monkeys ; probably my favorite on the list but itz also one of the most SELF INDULGENT

the lyricz are just really fitting with my vizion of them – the lyricz "I'm going back to 505 // If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive // In my imagination, you're waitin' lyin' on your side // With your hands between your thighs" fit with the fact they really love one another tremendously – their devotion

also the lyricz "Not shy of a spark // The knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark // Frightened by the bite, though it's no harsher than the bark // The middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start" and "But I crumble completely when you cry // It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye // I'm always just about to go and spoil the surprise // Take my hands off of your eyes too soon" LIKE I DUNNO HOW TO EXPLAIN THEZE BUT THEY REALLY REALLY DOMAKE ME THINK OF THEM ........

★ "I Wanna Be Yours" – Arctic Monkeys [dont ask why i associate them with Arctic Monkeys so much . okay ???]

y'know how Colin tendz to talk a lot about how clever and cool and useful he iz ? i think thiz song iz very fitting to how he'd want to be like . useful for Tone – the peak of intimacy iz to be uzed . something something etcetera

★ "As The World Caves In" – Matt Maltese

fitting from Tonyz perspective . in my opinion – how he'd want to spend hiz remaining time alongside Colin . even if . in the grand scheme of everything . itz such a small speck ; how Colin makez Tony feel fulfilled . and how even when all run out of time . hez happy to have spent it together – none wasted

★ a couple of honorable mentionz that i won't go in depth on :

– "Cigarettes out the Window" – TV Girl [mostly cuz i wanna do an in-depth au related analysis on it sometime in the mear future]

– "Show Me How" – Men I Trust [would like to analyze thiz one too but can't really see myself doing it ; the lyricz "Tell me why // Your hands are cold" are rlly hv digitaltime though i swear]

– "Daisy Bell" – Harry Dacre [iz thiz in part cuz Colin iz a computer ? if i answer that question truthfully . you'll chase me with pitchforkz]

– "My Love Mine All Mine" – Mitski [i can't go in depth about thiz without bursting into tearz ; i really love it]

– "Lovers Rock" – TV Girl [im scared of talking about love ; love iz very scary to me]

– "P.U.N.K Girl" – Heavenly

– "Who Knew" – The Correspondents [a relatively new song ive started listening to and i hadn't had the chance to properly dissect the lyricz and analyze them – but . since it remindz me of me n my lover . therez a 90-ish% chance it remindz me of them too]

TYSM FOR THE ASK AGAIN !!!!!!!!! I LITERALLY LOVE TALKING ABOUT DIGITALTIME – THEZE FREAKZ ALWAYZ LINGER IN MY MIND !!!!!!!!!!! IVE BEEN SO STUMPED WHEN IT COMEZ TO IDEAZ TO WRITE AND / OR DRAW THEM SO JUST GETTING TO GET SOMETHING OUTTA MY BRAIN IZ REALLY GOOD

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF CUZ ILYSM !!!!!! YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW HAPPY THIZ ASK ACTUALLY MADE ME . SO THANK YOU <33

[docholligay]

The Echo Wife by Sarah Gailey

Nonspoilery: This was a pretty reasonable sci fi story! It was fine! It'd be a good, quick read for an airplane.

Spoilers:

If I could make one rule, it would be that you aren't allowed to tell people what your book is about. Or that I am physically barred from reading afterwords and thank yous ahaha. I wish I wouldn't do it! At least a quarter of the time I get really annoyed.

So we have this perfectly decent book that's pretty heavy handed on the idea of, "What if...someone was willing to destroy everything about you to make you the person they wanted?" I mean, there's even a lengthy discussion of conditioning the clone and breaking its bones and all that, it's not subtle. It's not bad! I did not have the slightest problem with it! I think this would be a great book to teach the 15-20 year old set, or even just people who are learning about the story under the story, how to do that. I would use it!

I wasn't think about it too much. Evelyn and Martine are fun and fine. I like that Martine is impossible, and I think the book succeeds most for me when Evelyn is realizing that SHE, TOO, wants Martine to be compliant and easy. It removes a little bit of the heavy-handed "THE PATRIARCHY" and complicates the issue a little bit. Otherwise, it's just Martine and Evelyn against men, and you know me, women and women first, but it's just...easy? I guess that's what I would say: This book is easy. Lines are fairly clearly drawn for most adults. The idea of "It's easy to consume people if you hold the power" and "can you hold one man responsible for the action of another" are asked and answered pretty simply. Again, not a criticism just a note.

But then the afterword is like, *serious post-therapy session slam poetry voice* I dedicate this book to the men who abused me, and groomed me, and then i was saved by queerness or whatever. Babygirl, I read the book. I was there. Let people be lost if they can't pick this up, I beg.

I am keenly aware that some of this is a me problem, and I don't fit into the larger QUILTBAG community, am doomed to be on the outside forever, and I'm sure it eats this shit up, (and I know they do because I saw reviews when I went to read this clamoring for people to read the afterword) but my god just like...I can read. Not just literally I can make letters into sounds in my head, but I can read meanings into stories. This whole movement of explaining the book in the back of it like looking up the crossword answers, they should be difficult to find and you should make a lengthy effort to do it on your own.

Anyway, the book itself was fine and pretty much what I might have expected. It was fun. But the afterword annoyed me and I wish I could stop myself from reading them, why am I like this always?

[verdantcrimson]

Gourmand Fragrance / Wagashi Revolution - 1

(Unproofread)

Chapter List | Next

Nazuna: Ah, it's Keito-chin and Kuro-chin! What are you up to, standing around here and chatting?

Keito: Hello Nito. Kiryu and I were just talking about the upcoming Chocolat Fes.

Kuro: Apparently they're gonna be holdin' it at ES this year too. Wouldn't hurt to be prepared.

Nazuna: I get it. These days it's been pretty hectic at ES because of the Chocolat Fes.

Nazuna: Since you guys are discussing it, that must mean AKATSUKI has plans to participate, right?

Keito: Yes, something like that. We won't be doing anything large-scale though. We have big plans lined up for after Chocolat Fes.

Keito: Additionally, I heard that Kanzaki is going to participate in the Yumenosaki Chocolat Fes.

Keito: If he were to participate in the ES event on top of all that, it would be exhaustive.

Keito: On that note, what is Ra*bits planning to do? Most of your members are enrolled in the academy after all.

Nazuna: Ah, Tomo-chin and the others are going to be participating in the Yumenosaki Chocolat Fes too.

Kuro: Haha, I'm glad that those guys are gettin' along well like usual.

Nazuna: Yup~ ♪ But well, I don't want to push an unreasonable load onto Tomo-chin and the others.

Nazuna: So basically, just like AKATSUKI, Ra*bits won't be doing anything too huge on the ES side.

Kuro: I see. So I guess that us graduated lot are gonna be able to spend this years Chocolat Fes peacefully.

Keito: It feels odd, being able to relax at this time of year.

Nazuna: Ahaha, right~? All I remember is being super busy making chocolate.

Keito: …Making chocolate, huh? I can't say I have any memory of doing that myself.

Nazuna: Huh? Really?

Keito: During my time at the academy, being a member of the Student Council meant that I was more involved in the operational aspect of Chocolat Fes.

Keito: So in my case, all I remember is being perpetually busy dealing with all the trouble that would crop up at the academy.

Nazuna: Hmm? But didn't AKATSUKI perform? There were rumors about it…

Keito: I erased that part from my memories…

Kuro: Haha, cause danna must've been pretty embarrassed. Back then, AKATSUKI gave a sexy performance that was pretty far out from our usual.

Kuro: Danna did the 'Bakyuun~' thing completely seriously and was writhin' in agony after the live show.

Nazuna: What do you mean!? I'd want to see that!

Keito: Don't say anything unnecessary, Kiryu! Seriously, you're just incorrigible…

Kuro: My bad. Well, danna was right when he said he was mostly busy with his lessons and planning.

Kuro: He was so busy that we ended up outsourcin' our chocolate to a vendor.

Keito: Yes. Though, I've always wanted to make my own chocolate at least once.

Kuro: In that case, why don't ya try it this year? Ya said it just now, that you'd be able to take things easy this year after all.

Nazuna: What Kuro-chin said. If you don't know how to make them, I can help too. ♪

Keito: ... Right. This could be a good opportunity to learn. Firstly, I'll have to buy a recipe book—

Souma: HASUMI-DONO! Is Hasumi-dono here!?

Nazuna: Owah!? You surprised me! What's wrong, Souma-chin? Mitsuru-chin, you too?

Mitsuru: Nii-chan! It's a good thing you're here too! I needed to ask you something really badly!

Kuro: What's gotten into ya, Kanzaki, Tenma?

Souma & Mitsuru: Why is it that wagashi are not included in 'Barentainsu'!? / Why aren't wagashi a part of Valentines!?

Kuro & Nazuna: … What?

Keito: Sigh… It turns out that it wasn't anything as pressing as I had anticipated.

Keito: First of all, both of you need to calm down. If you make such a ruckus, it'll disturb everyone else in the office.

Souma: Oh, that is true. That was rather inconsiderate. Do forgive me.

Mitsuru: I'm sorry. But I felt super bad for the wagashi and I wanna help them as fast as I can!

Keito: I really have no idea what you're on about. What happened and why? You need to explain things properly.

Souma: Yes. Actually, a few days prior, the owner of the wagashi shop that the Kanzaki clan favors confided to us.

Souma: Since the main character of 'Barentainsu' is undoubtedly 'chocoraito', it is inevitable that the sales of wagashi declines during this period.

Nazuna: Now that you mention it, when you think of Valentines, the image of traditional sweets like those hardly comes to mind.

Souma: The decline in sales is in itself not an issue, as the shop owner is able to make a recovery in profit during other periods of time.

Souma: However, they expressed a sadness that wagashi could not be the main attraction of 'Barentainsu'

Nazuna: I get it now. So Mitsuru-chin heard about it from Souma-chin?

Mitsuru: Mhm. I felt real sad when I heard about it from Souchan-Senpai.

Mitsuru: I mean, wagashi are yummy, but they aren't the main focus of Valentines day, right? I feel so sorry for them…

Kuro: I see. So you're thinkin' somethin' like, "those poor sweets", huh?

Mitsuru: But I dunno know how I would even make wagashi into the main attraction…

Mitsuru: That's why I told Souchan-Senpai to ask Nii-chan and Hasumi-Senpai for help.

Souma: Indeed. I immediately determined that Hasumi-dono, who has led us of AKATSUKI through many a tribulation, would surely be able to bestow an appropriate plan to us.

Keito: I'm honored that you think so highly of me, but I'm not reliable when it comes to culinary matters.

Keito: Since Kiryu usually cooks, he would probably have some good ideas…

Kuro: I'm kinda in the same boat here. I have some experience makin' sweets, but I only know how to bake simple confectionaries.

Kuro: Actually, wouldn't you know more about this than us, Kanzaki? You're probably better at makin' sweets than me.

Souma: Hmm. However, I haven't a clue as to what sort of Wagashi would be suitable to be the main 'Barentainsu' attraction.

Souma: Therefore, I determined that the most dependable person would be Hasumi-dono, who has both insight and a deep understanding of such things…

Keito: I would like to do something about this too, but…

Mitsuru: What do you think, Nii-chan? If you know a good way to do it, please tell us!

Nazuna: M-me? It's not like I'm a good cook either, though.

Nazuna: I'm sorry Mitsuru-chin. I can't help you out…

Mitsuru: No, it's okay. I know I asked you to do something hard.

Souma: Umu. My apologies to you as well, Hasumi-dono, Kiryu-dono. I so abruptly asked for advice on an unreasonable matter and inconvenienced you.

Souma: We shall excuse ourselves now. Hmm? What seems to be the matter?

Mitsuru: Uu, I still wanna make wagashi the main character of Valentines day somehow…

Keito & Nazuna: ……

Chapter List | Next

Translation Notes

Wagashi are Traditional Japanese sweets. I'll be honest, I just didn't want to type out the whole phrase over and over again.

[akehoshimystar]

Akehoshi SSR

Under the Sun, On Your Lap

Part 1

Akehoshi: Ito-san, anything over there~?

Ito: Nothing at all. What about Akehoshi-kun?

Akehoshi: No different from you.

The customer who requested Akehoshi-kun's service dropped an earring here. I have no problem looking for them with him, but….

Ito: This is not getting anywhere... Could it be that they’re somewhere other than the park?

Akehoshi: I don't think so. The request was to act as lovers having a picnic, so we were here the whole time.

Ito: Hmm. Try tracing the movements at the time of the request in your head again.

Akehoshi: Oh, nice idea. Maybe we can pinpoint the location

Ito: We’ve got customer privacy, so I'd appreciate it if you didn’t talk too much.

Akehoshi: Consider it done.

Let’s see…. First, we walked over there. We talked about how nice the weather was and how perfect it was for the picnic while looking for a nice place.

I was thinking of finding a spot in the shade, but someone had already been there, so we decided to spread a picnic sheet on the grass around here...

Akehoshi-kun made a gesture of spreading out the sheet to recreate the scene.

Ito: Then it should be around here.

Akehoshi: Strictly speaking, I may be wrong, but I think I got most parts right.

Then, I lined up the bento boxes on this side… I guess?

And then, I rested my head on her lap.

Ito: (... It went from 0 to 100 all of a sudden.)

Say, Akehoshi-kun, you’re the one lying down...?

Akehoshi: For this time, yeah.

Ito: (...So there's no chance that the client’s earrings would fall off while lying down.)

Do you remember what else you did?

Akehoshi: Yeah, well... Lots of stuff.

Ito: …. A lot?

Akehoshi: I don't mind explaining everything, but are you sure you want to hear it?

Ito: If it has nothing to do with the earrings, then no thanks.

Akehoshi: Ah, it’s not that much related anyway.

Akehoshi-kun has extremely few NGs. But there is no doubt that there’s a line drawn in that “lots of stuff”.

Ito: (That being said, I realized once again how deep that world is...)

Part 2

Akehoshi: Hmm. I can't find them after all.

We searched pretty much everywhere around the picnic area, but there were no earrings in sight at all.

Ito: If we can't find them here, I don’t think they fell off anywhere near here.

Akehoshi: But when I asked this park’s management center, they said nothing resembling those had come to them at all.

Here’s my thought…. Maybe it was taken by an animal?

Ito: Oh, that's certainly possibile...

Akehoshi: They say crows love collecting shiny things.

Either way, if we're going to consider that possibility, we'll have to expand our scope of searching.

Ito: Agreed. Let's search the whole park then.

I'll go over there.

Akehoshi: ……..

Ito: Akehoshi-kun?

Akehoshi: Ah, it’s nothing. I just thought that Ito-san is really into it.

Ito: Eh?

Akehoshi: Oh, it’a not like I’m messing with you or anything.

We’ve been looking for them for a while now, so I thought it was only natural that you'd say you were tired.

Not only did you not show any signs of that, you were seriously helpful.

Ito: That’s a given. I'll do everything I can until I find them.

Akehoshi: I know you will. Because you’re like this, I couldn’t contain my gratitude at all.

Thank you so much for helping me.

Ito: ...Don’t mention it…. But you're welcome.

Akehoshi: Ahaha. I’m really thankful~

Well, I'll take you up on your offer.

Ito: What do you mean?

Akehoshi: If Ito-san seemed tired, I would suggest that I search for them on my own, but I guess I'm going to give up on that idea.

Ito: Ah, I see.

(Changing the thoughts all of a sudden like that is just so Akehoshi-kun.)

I actually like it when Akehoshi-kun asks for help like that.

Ito: Okay. You don’t have to be so reserved, feel free to rely on me.

Akehoshi: Then, let's do a cheering yell to get ourselves fired up.

Ito: A yell?

Akehoshi: Yup. Follow my lead, okay? Here I go~

Let's do our best to search for them together~ Oh~!

His shout was so low-energy that I couldn't help but laugh. Of course, I also did the "Oh~!"

Part 3

Ito: Ah.

It was a little while after I started searching the entire park that I found them shining brightly on a bench.

Ito: (It was placed neatly near the edge…. Which means someone must have picked them up after they had fallen on the ground.)

(They probably didn’t want anyone to step on them.)

I thanked the stranger in my heart and immediately called Akehoshi-kun over.

Akehoshi: Ito-san, have you found them?

Ito: Yes, it matches the description I heard. Here you go….

Akehoshi: Wow, thank you so much!

I handed him the earrings before he grabbed my hands tightly.

Ito: …….

Akehoshi: Hmm? Earth to Ito-san?

Ito: Um, let me ask just in case, what is this for...?

Akehoshi: This? It's just a flow of events. Uh~…. So that they won’t fall down again?

Ito: Make sense, I guess...?

Just when he was about to convince me…..

Mao: Akehoshi? Ito? What are you doing?

Ito: !

Akehoshi: Oh, Maochi. You’re on a break?

Mao: Yeah... There’s a more pressing matter here, Akehoshi. What’s with that distance?

Akehoshi: Ahaha, there you go again~

But don’t get the wrong idea~. This is purely because Ito-san found the earrings that my customer had lost.

Right?

Akehoshi-kun smiled as if there’s no other implication before taking only the earrings and letting my hands go.

Mao: …….Haaah. Ito, you’re okay with that?

Ito: No problem at all. It’s true that I’ve just found the earrings.

Mao: ….Fine.

Akehoshi: I'm glad you found them.

If Ito-san loses something, just let me know. I'll help you.

Ito: Thank you...?

I felt like I had just been given a strange privilege for some reason. Seeing Akehoshi-kun looking happy like that, I once again felt refreshed that the earrings were found safely.

[ladywani]

Long time no see! This time after a long absence I decided not to publish one of my classic drawings but a piece taken from a fic I wrote about a year ago, I deliberately deleted the name of the character I chose for anyone who wanted to read without obligation.

If Kai seemed incredible to him, let alone his car. Leather interior, heated seats and overall a modern design that looks luxurious and inviting.

He looked at his hands (//), in a mixture between laughing out loud and crying out loud. In such a short time, he had transgressed the most important rules taught at a young age by his parents: don't let a stranger approach you, don't let a stranger offer you a ride, don't sleep with a stranger.

In the midst of those thoughts, Kai asked her calmly. “Don't you have to tell anyone?” "Oh yes!" She responded in a panic, reaching for her purse at her feet, taking out her cell phone. She sent a short message to her mother explaining that due to the bad weather she would be sleeping at her friend Blue's. The mother, out of breath, but grateful for her daughter's common sense, accepted that empty excuse. Finally, he called the person concerned. "Where the hell did you end up! I sent you tons of messages!" He accused the blue one as soon as he accepted the call. Fortunately, the volume of the call was low, Kai couldn't hear the other's voice, but he was interested anyway, pricked up his ears as best he could to that conversation.

"I know, I know, sorry! I didn't really pay attention to the phone, listen, I need a favor" There was a moment of silence, then an anguished sigh. "What's this about?" "I just told my mom I'm sleeping over at your place tonight. You can cover for me right?" "You what!? Why on earth…where are you going to sleep(//)!?" (//)'s eyes met Kai's for unspoken support. Kai, with his lips mimed the word: friend. "I'm sleeping with a friend. My mother never liked her too much so…could you?" He heard the girl grumbling on the other end of the phone. "Come on Blueee!" Please. The bicolor blinked several times. He had heard that name before, recently at that. But maybe, he was just confusing things. "Okay, okay! Just tell me then!" "Obvious!" He pretended. Come on…how would she explain something like that to her friend? He then tried to distract himself. “How's the event going at BBA?” The fingers on the steering wheel tightened. What the hell…

A red eye focused for a moment on the female figure next to her. It was a pure coincidence… "Oh good…and Takao? Ahaha. How is he tonight? Is he treating you well or do I need to come and teach him some manners?" Joke (//). Kai's head snapped towards the road. Blue…that Blue! The girl Yuri had introduced to Takao in that nightclub!

He took advantage of a red light to turn his entire body towards the young woman he had recently got on the phone. Seeing him suddenly serious, she cringed against the door. "Do you know Blue and Takao?" The long eyelashes closed several times. "Yes?…Blue is my best friend…wait…how do you know them!?" She felt dazed, Kai worse than her. "Takao and I are friends…my friend Yuri introduced them…" They stared at each other for a long time with wide eyes. "You were…the friend who…" "He came together with Takao…" (//) put his hands to his mouth in memory. "Blue told me there was another older boy…" Kai had to laugh. “I can't believe it” He lowered his forehead to the steering wheel. He turned towards her again, looking like he was in total panic. "Thank goodness you told her a lie"(//) he blushed violently. "I don't think I'll tell her about this" "And I won't tell Takao in any way. Are we clear?" He offered her a hand, which she took.

They looked into each other's eyes, she, as usual, pulled away embarrassed with purple cheeks. Kai smiled. He loved it.

I am aware that I did something different than usual, but please, in case anyone wants to read another piece or the story itself let me know! Thanks for reading!

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

i feel so called out by the commuter student who can't drive bc even though i can my anxiety refuses to let me drive on the highways 🙃

Let the all kill begin, just to condense things (and reduce the post spam lmfao I'll put screenshots here AHAHA

Anyway no yeah, Rose, like I be telling everyone if you're not going to live on campus you have to get your license because I mean it when I say you almost can't do shit without it esp cuz clubs meet after classes end. Like, I couldn't actually drive to uni until I was in my junior year and even then since I was new I feared for my life that first year!

Honestly a slight TMI but I remember at the time when my parents told me that I was in middle school. My best friend at the time just came out as bisexual and our parents were close, so her parents would tell mine that they were hoping it was just a phase (it wasn't) and also at that time I think anti-lgbtqia+ tensions were so high where we lived so when my mom told me that, of course, at the time I felt so betrayed by her because she had various family members in the community. But looking back at it in hindsight, I get it. If I was her, I don't know how I'd protect my young child, who was barely entering her teens, from a society that already hated who she was because she was a racial minority.

When I finally came out to my mom like a few months ago she straight up told me she wasn't surprised because of my fashion choices LMFAO Converse, Skinny Jeans, and Flannels (so many of them)

NO BECAUSE LIKE one of the things I was going for was to accentuate OC's relationship with Somi by making her relationship with her parents so tense. Everyone talks about car ride convos, but the tension between OC and her dad in that scene was my attempt at some narrative to kinda sorta ostracize her from her parents. And true to life, I can't tell my dad anything LMFAO

You think you know them and suddenly you find out the Mitochondria isn't just the powerhouse of the freaking cell

Me getting blackout drunk and/or fucking railed at parties while my parents tell everyone how studious I am 🤩

do as i say and not as i do

NO CUZ I WATCHED TOY STORY AND SUDDENLY I COULDN'T GIVE UP ANY OF MY TOYS toy story 3 fucked me up fr fr

ALSO NO DONT APOLOGIZE I LOVE INBOX SPAM speaking of you dropped a few things while i was gone i should go binge those soon 👀

Dude NO studying gets done in those rooms my most vivid memory was me explaining how tf dp works to my friends who both (a) asked and (b) didn't get the concept for some reason-

Then we trauma dump about past relationships it's perfect-

NO REST FOR THE WICKED DFJSHDFJHDF like just call them exams at that point. They're not a midterm if they're multiple of them 😭

I used to say fucking anything to get my motivation up before the exam HAAHAHAHA

It's true, the trauma bonding really helps too

Had to tie it in somehow. Another TMI but I gave mine away recently, I had like this weird manic depressive episode so I buried it in a box we were going to send off to GoodWill. Not to be dramatic, but it hurt looking at it.

You're welcome, love, I sobbed too-

But fr though I meant it when I say I went through a ride writing this fic, and there's just so much more that we did together, me and the girl I based this off of, that I left out that I almost feel like how I wrote her here didn't do her justice. But like, it's fine. (me crying at god awful hours in the morning)

[digeethegenie]

The Absolutely Peachey Keen Cactaur Conductor vs the Lillikin of Light (Or is it Darkness?)

Day 26 - Zip Shadowbringers (5.0) - Shadowbringers Character spoilers for World of Final Fantasy, of all things

Another Time, Another Place

The arid sands of this new world fill my… Well... not my nostrils, I don't have those… however we sort smell things as I behold it's brick coloured magesty. In my Fifty-odd years of conducting I had never- well ok I had seen places like this quite a few times before, but would it be fair to this place to judge it on all the others has never seen?

And clearly suffered some sort of calamity.

Maybe even quite a few.

But that is not important! To me anyway. For I am the Suculentious, Studatious (and not at all Salacious) Cactaur Conductor! And, though cosmos spanning shinanigins that I am not at legal liberty to divolge, I am setting up the railway on The First.

You might be thinking, "But why?" but, I pose to you, dear reader, why NOT?

… What's a Y'shtola?

Anyway, your absolutly peachey-keen Cactor Conductor will-

= = =

"So that's the monster?"

Ryne nodded to Yujo as they looked on from their vantage point.

"It looks like a normal cactaur to me… That all sort of babble like that."

"They do?"

Yujo turned around to her Hume companion. "Oh… oh so it's 'actually' talking. Like, "in common", talking. That… That's not normal cactaur behaviour. Not that wearing a hat is normal behaviour for monsters."

Ryne simply aquessed to the lalafell's expertiese on the matter.

"Well, It's not doing anything wrong, so I suppose I'll just take a look and-"

= = =

"And do what, exactly, tiny Lillikin girl?" I ask the lillikin that stood before me. Slightly wierdly proportioned thing. Looked more like a sack of popotoes than the more cubioud head shaped lilikin that I know.

Both the lilikin and the tiny jiant girl jumped backwards, screaming like…Well… litle (and jiant) girls.

"When did?!" the lilikin asked, clutching her chest from the fright.

"It was just over there a moment ago!"

I let out a laugh. "You have just been witness to one of my many fantastic abilities, jiant girl! Conducting is but one of my many peachey-keen fascets!"

I watched as the two girls exchanged confused looks.

"What on the star is…"

"Peachy-keen?"

There's exactly no appreciation for the common slang of yester-year.

The lilikin is the first to recover. "Doesn't matter. You're here so you can explain yourself. What are you doing messing around with Twine's railway?"

Oh, are they on to me? Oh, that could be bad. The lady was kind of insistant that I didn't talk about that sort of thing to the locals.

I give them the most serious face I can muster. "I'm sorry, I can't divolge that information."

The lilikin had a look that kind of reminds me of that Reynn girl at her most zipped.

"Oh I don't no time for this." she said as she took up a fighting pose and lauched towards me.

"Zip!"

I hear her utter something in confusion before she takes another lunge at me.

"Zip-Zip!"

She stumbles a little. Her jiant companion asking if she was alright only seemed to make her even more zipped and even more like Reynn.

I wonder…

I let out a suculant laugh. "Ahaha! No one has ever catched me in my fifty years of Cactauring! Well, once, exactly once. I have been caught exactly once."

"It's gonna be twice when I get my hands on-!"

"Nope! Zip!"

= = =

Yujo growled in frustration as the cactaur dodged her as if it vanished the instant her fist would have made contact. It was like nothing she had ever fought before.

"Stand still and let me-"

"Not happening, zip!"

She twisted as she tried to keep her footing before a childish scream of frustration filled the Ahm Areg air.

= = =

Oh this is too easy. Tones of fun though. Nothing like giving the locals a good heart stoper and then giving them the run around.

Well, they'll get tired of this and surely walk off so with a few more dodges I should- wait why is the lilikin glowing?

= = =

"Behold! The fan that sunders all! Limit Breaking Mystic Art of the Luminary! Fan Dango!" Yujo's form suddenly split into several indicical pieces and all launged at the Cactaur.

= = =

"Oh… bother." I uttered as I saw a gaggle of Lilikin all lunge for from every direction.

[kimium]

It’s lunch break so I can finally send you my ask!!! For the fanfic writer ask: 7, 16, 18, 41, 54, and 72!💜

(From this ask HERE)

Thanks for the ask, friend! I am always here to talk about fanfic writing!

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

There are a few criteria I look at when I choose POV.

-Who do I want to write as? Sometimes I simply have a perspective stuck in my brain, so I decide that's the character to stick with. For example, most of my 10051 fics are in Shouichi's perspective because it's the voice I find the easiest to write.

-Either the character knows nothing or knows everything. Sometimes I want a character swept into a new situation and flounders to learn everything. Sometimes I want a character who knows everything but eventually will have to explain things to another character(s). Example, when I wrote The taste of melon and the weight of a plushie fox, I picked Hajime because he was clueless to the demon customs. On the flip side when I wrote I can't kill you (so we must be destined to be together) I picked Nagito because he knew more and it helped the story flow better.

-The perspective helps tell the overall story and give a clearer picture to the reader. For example, in my Platonic Yandere AU for Twisted Wonderland, I wanted to expand on the dorm leader's thoughts, so I wrote two fics in their perspective.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

I actually don't have many concrete ideas. I have thoughts such as "I want to write another 10051 fic" or "I want to contribute to the Bar AU sometime". However, the only concrete story idea currently is a Twisted Wonderland fic. It's an AU where Yuu returns home, but can still freely travel to the Twisted Wonderland dimension and vice versa. I want to to frame the travels of the Twisted cast to "coming to rescue Yuu" from boring situations that they're obligated to be at. For example, they're having a family BBQ but one of their uncles is talking politics and Yuu wants to run away.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with the titles?

I title them whenever I save the document. 99.9% of the time the title I give on the document is the title I use for the fic. This is because it makes it easier for me to sort my stories into folders once they're posted.

How I come up with the titles is unknown. I just allow myself become possessed with the spirit of "titling your fics" and write the first thing that comes to mind.

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

Depends on the fic. I usually don't reread many fics, but I do sometimes. The ones I end up rereading are actually my own fics. That's why sometimes you'll see me redo an old idea or re-purpose an idea from another fic.

54. What's your favourite part about the fanfiction writing process?

I love when I get into the narration and the words/scenes flow smoothly. This is usually when I have a strong scene in the back of my brain. I love seeing what I've thought about come to life. I also love when I receive comments on my fic. My second favourite part of fic writing ahaha.

72. What order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favourite scenes first? Something else?

I write 99.9% of my scenes in chronological order. This is because that's just how my brain works. I need my prior scenes laid out from point A to B. There are a few exceptions, but that's sometimes because I go back and forth between a couple scenes. That's usually because I want to lay out an idea/scene that comes immediately after before I forget it.

[bungoustraypups]

For the fic writer ask game!! 14, 19, 22 (because I lowkey need advice too >.<), 29

(Also it makes me send asks from my main blog but this is @rashoumon-homo)

(questions are from this post! i am still accepting these asks too!)

sorry this took forever ahaha idk why i just. did Not answer these. but!

14. where do you get your inspiration?

anywhere and everywhere! usually from listening to music, or reading other works of fiction, but not always! sometimes i recycle ideas from old fanfics from old fandoms ive written, too

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

oh geez uh. i've micro-researched lots of things for fic reasons, but a lot of what i include in fics comes from things ive like, already known about them in my life before writing the fic, but uh

i've done quite a bit of research into pregnancy for my fics since i write a lot of pregfics and babyfics and it's actually super interesting imo! its such a common thing ppl (not me, im the son of a biologist lmao, biological functions are never simple & i assume nothing) just assume they either know everything about already or that cant possibly be that complicated when it really is

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

i'll admit i used to worry a lot more but now, i may have brief moments where i worry, but i honestly just don't care anymore. i relieve myself by saying "the people who matter will react well and the people who won't react well don't matter" and it's def advice i pass on. the more you tell it to yourself, the easier it'll get to believe it!

i also rarely get hate comments, probably bc my fics never get all that popular and i'm fairly unknown in most of my fandoms, but if/when i do, i just delete em lmao. fic is not the place for "constructive criticism" or w/e and i don't give a fuck about the feelings of people who feel so entitled to other people's work and time they leave nasty comments on a fic, mine or anyone else's

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

it's not lmao. i can't explain my process, but chances are, if a fic title isn't a song title/lyric or a parody of the title of something else, i had to think on it for A While before it came to me suddenly in a flash of inspiration

[sunflowerfesta]

2x2 – Grown-Up Situation 4

Writer: Akira Featured characters: Hinata, Yuuta

✩ ☽ ✩

Yuuta: ...And so the people who hold Anzu-san in contempt want to have her replaced with YamadaP, right?

Hinata: Ah, you mean the rumours about bringing a renown producer from a private agency into ES and making them the new head of the P Association.

Yeah, they're trying to transfer Anzu-san's current workload and authority to YamadaP.

Yuuta: Eh, I guess we'll move away from the main topic for a bit. I bet it could turn around the P Association's current reputation as a total joke; YamadaP's talents are undeniable.

Unlike others who're all talk and no action, he was able to make 2wink properly shine.

Hinata: Wording, Yuuta-kun, wording... Why'd you turn out to be such a bad kid?

Yuuta: I've always been like this, though? Are you sure it wasn't everyone else who got the wrong idea?

I realised that asking people to understand me would be impossible if I just kept my mouth shut, so I stopped holding back on expressing my true feelings.

And if I end up hated for it? Fine by me. I'll take it over slowly getting minced to death.

Hinata: ......

Yuuta: Well, whatever. I still don't understand – what does the P Association's frankly embarrassing infighting have to do with us?

We'd rather not get dragged into things, you see~. Can't we just kick back and watch those idiots try to destroy each other?

Hinata: Again with your wording, Yuuta-kun...

Like Anzu-san said, squabbling like this is pointless, so they've decided to settle it with a showdown.

Specifically between Anzu-san and YamadaP.

Yuuta: Being an adult sounds sooo fun.

Hinata: Well, I think it's better — healthier, rather — than endlessly getting dragged in their infighting and violence.

Yuuta: Whatever. So you decided to go with 2wink for the producer showdown?

Hinata: Which means we'll be like the balls for your ball game.

Looks like we're the only ones both you and YamadaP have produced before—

Yuuta: Since YamadaP is an outsider and he doesn't have connections with any other ES idols.

Hinata: I see, so we were just the most convenient option~. Well, if we're basing this on how long we've known each producer, doesn't that mean you have a slight advantage, Anzu-san?

Yuuta: But keep in mind that YamadaP has put an overwhelming amount of time into his trade. His level of experience, combined with his numerous achievements, makes him unparalleled.

Hinata: When you put it like that, I guess it would explain why you think we'd be the best "balls" to mess around with.

I'm gonna sound like Yuuta-kun saying this, but adults sure do as they please without a care in the world.

Yuuta: As usual, not a ounce of consideration went into our free will.

Hinata: Yup, yup. Sooo what's in it for us?

Yuuta: I see, I see... Wait, seriously?

Huh... We'll be given our own namesake program that airs weekly during the coveted prime time.

Hinata: Is this the "big job offer" Vice Prez was talking about?

Within the program, called "2×2", Anzu-san and YamadaP will take turns producing episodes.

Yuuta: Are they competing for ratings or something?

Hinata: Let's see here... Looks like it's regular cour length, aka twelve episodes, meaning they get six episodes each.

Their ratings across all six episodes will be compared, and whoever has the highest number overall wins.

Yuuta: Ahaha! Sounds just like a game.

What the hell are these supposed "all work, no play" people thinking?

Hinata: It's pretty easy to understand, so I've got no qualms. Also, the first and last episodes will be given to Anzu-san and YamadaP separately to keep things fair since they tend to get the highest ratings.

Yuuta: Geez, this whole thing is rock solid... But everything falls apart if we refuse, so is it really?

Though they'll just find replacements... Realistically, they probably have an arsenal of other idols at their disposal who can do the job just as well.

Hinata: Hmm~... While I don't think we really deserve to get such a big offer, it's not like we really have the option to refuse...

Regardless, I'm all for it. It sounds like fun, and I don't see any downsides for 2wink if we do take it.

So you don't have to keep grovelling, Anzu-san.

Yuuta: Being exploited for the sake of others isn't anything new to us.

If you're gonna apologise for troubling us, all I can tell you is, "If you really did feel sorry, you wouldn't have done it in the first place."

Hinata: Your wording today is so concerning... But what he said, pretty much.

We'll help out as best as we can, so please don't make that face— okay, Anzu-san?

We owe a lot to both you and YamadaP, so while we're not exactly troubled by it, we can't just pick sides.

Yuuta: That may be another reason we're being chosen. If it were any other ES idol – especially the ones from Yumenosaki, they may want to tip the scales in Anzu-san's favour.

But we wouldn't feel right doing that, so it guarantees a fairer fight.

Hinata: Yup. That's why we'll give it our all as professionals, even if not cooperating to help you win'll be pretty hard.

You're also in quite the pickle, huh... Well, just do your best.

It's your job as a "producer", after all.

That way, we can hold our heads high and do everything in our power as idols, too.

✩ ☽ ✩

← prev || chapter list || next →

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

@zepskies

After reading your comments now I'm even more excited to read the epilogue!

She's a real sweetheart, right? Writing someone who wants to work with little kids, I wanted to write a young woman who isn't without her flaws, but really embodied that kind, nurturing nature that makes for great elementary school teachers. 💗 (And the kind of inner goodness that I think Dean would find endearing too.)

I love hunter!readers, but the soft!readers really have my heart. Not that a hunter!reader couldn't be soft per say, but I just love how cutesy she is.

Buuuuut maybe he should've asked Dean if it was really ok if he pursued the reader before he stepped in. Maybe as his friend, he should've asked Dean what the hell he was doing with Lisa when the reader really needed him right now lol. Maybe that would've been the wake-up call Dean needed to get his shit together and realize he didn't really truly love Lisa. 🤔

You're so right. Benny should have asked more questions!! Benny should have had the talk with Dean and if he is Dean's best friend he should have known. It kinda makes it sadder though. But I'll bet the epilogue kinda explains that a bit too 🥰 But at the same time yes, Benny was a good guy for stepping up and stepping in.

Ahaha yes!! I knew you would catch that! Oh yeah, but that's the kind of mistake a man not used to little kids would make, I feel like 🤣

It really is. I bet that Ben/Soldier Boy would let his kid watch something too soon and then live with the consequences when he can't have sex with the reader for a month because the kid sleeps in the bed with them 🤣

I knowwww I'm sorry I almost killed Dean, but this is the first of many wake-up calls for both Dean and reader. 😭😭

Don't be sorry, near-death experiences that make people realize they love one another is the kind of angst I live for LOL

I tried to do something different with this story and make it feel more realistic, with no real "villain," except that we can hurt the people we love the most unintentionally with our actions and inaction. What we say, and sometimes more importantly, what we don't say.

It really was wonderfully realistic- all the emotions all the drama, it was beautiful! I also think that it resonates more that way- making it about the internal and external struggle with relationships rather than some big-bad to fight. Because sometimes the big-bad is the little voice inside that makes you push everything down or sometimes the big-bad is you? If that makes sense lol.

Oh you saw that, huh? 😂 Yeah, I think you remember that turned into a fun "anonymous" ask in my inbox asking why I was so "defensive" when people criticized my work. I typically have thick skin and was ready to forget the comments entirely, but when that "ask" came in it really annoyed me, not gonna lie. lol I probably should've just ignored the inbox message and deleted it, rather than spend more time and energy on replying to someone whose mind likely isn't going to be changed on how they talk to writers, regardless. 😂 I get that this AU story was "different," and messy with these relationships, but that was kind of the point. Bless you though for your thoughtful and heartwarming feedback regarding the Lisa and Benny storylines! 💗💗💗

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that happened when I was in my two weeks off period 😅 But I don't think it's so much as you not having 'thick skin' or being 'defensive'- I see it more as you being open to the criticism, but them not giving you anything constructive. If someone says 'oh that's stupid' but then don't tell you why, it becomes more about the writer than what they wrote.

But oh yeah no. The fact that they felt the need to also send in an ask criticizing you even more is just uncalled for. I don't blame you for answering it, it would have annoyed me too- especially because lately I feel like the meaner anons think they're helping writers by being super rude?

Yes exactly! The AU is "different!" It's more about the relationships and drama and miscommunication! (slightly mad at you for that last one jkjk 🤣) AU's are supposed to be different, that's literally it- alternate universe. Which is why they didn't like it, because they didn't understand it. 😬

But you're welcome! I really did enjoy it and I'll bet the epilogue is going to be amazing! 💗

IF I STAY - Part 2

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-Sized!Reader

Summary: Your dream is to work with kids as an elementary school teacher. Dean is well on his way to becoming a firefighter, keeping things light and “strings unattached” as he goes. After a one-night stand you never saw coming, you and Dean are forced to deal with the consequences…and figure out if the connection between you is worth fighting for.

AN: Deep breaths Are you ready for a rollercoaster of emotions? 😘❤️

Song Inspo: “I Can’t Help Falling in Love” and “It’s Now or Never” by Elvis

Word Count: 13.1K

Tags/Warnings: Angst, pregnancy feels, hurt/comfort, fluff, time jumps and flashbacks, sexual tension, mutual pining, spice~, and an ending…

❤️‍🔥 If I Stay Masterlist

Part 2: It’s Now or Never

At the doctor’s office, Dean goes in with you for the first trimester ultrasound. There you learn that you’re going to have a boy. Tears well up in your eyes and slip down your cheeks.

Dean wears a look of amazement as he sits on the edge of your bed. He takes up your hand and squeezes gently. He tries to be a strong support, even though he also tries to hide the fear that begins to churn in his gut.

For one of the first times in his life since Sam was born, he feels the weight of responsibility pressing down on him. In a good way. In a fucking scary way.

He looks at you and sees the wonder written across your face while you watch the tiny shape of your baby on the screen. His heartbeat thwaps fast and loud in the speakers.

Dean realizes something else then; the decision you're making is changing the course of your whole damn life…and it’s his fault.

With his weekly hookup rate, in the very back shelves of his mind he knew something like this could happen, even though he thought he'd been careful. (Apparently, condoms are fragile little shits.) But here, in this white wall-to-wall room that smells like hospital antiseptic, that thwap thwap thwap of a heartbeat reverberating in his ears, the reality of this is crashing hard on his shoulders and rattling down to the base of his spine.

Despite his earlier happiness, those thoughts stay with him when you two eventually get back into his car. You have the pictures of the sonogram in your hands. You smile down at them before you put them back in your purse for safekeeping.

However, you notice Dean’s sudden melancholy as he stares out at the road. He’s started the car, but he hasn’t moved to pull out of the parking lot yet.

“Hey, you okay?” you say, resting a gentle hand on his arm.

Dean shakes his head. “Look…I’m sorry for tossing a giant friggin’ monkey wrench into your life. I know this hasn’t been easy for you.”

If possible, your heart softens even more. You slide your hand down to grasp his.

“Dean, this baby wasn’t planned, but he’s not a mistake,” you say. “I don’t regret anything.”

Dean stares back at you, incredulously. He can’t believe you could really say that to him. He doesn’t know what to say. He only knows what’s in his mind, and what he feels compelled to do in that moment.

He leans over and kisses you. It’s a firm meeting of his lips to yours and achingly familiar. But ultimately, it’s chaste. He pulls away and settles back in his seat.

When you blink your eyes back open, your expression is slack in shock.

“I’m sorry,” he says, seeming sheepish, and guilty. “I meant to say thank you. Just didn’t know any other way to say it.”

After a moment, you smile at him. It’s warm and almost shy.

Dean clears his throat, trying to ignore the way his face is heating up. He doesn’t say anything more. He just takes the wheel and shifts gears, pulling the car out of the parking lot. 

You don’t know what possesses you to bake cookies. Dozens and dozens of them, all the chocolate chip cookie recipes you can find. You’re in search of the perfect one. This will be the recipe your son will grow up on, and every time he eats them, he’ll remember how much you loved him.

And then, he’ll be ruined for any other chocolate chip cookies that try to grab his taste buds. He’ll say, Blech. Chips Ahoy? These aren’t as good as Mom makes!

…Or something like that.

Yes, these cookies have to be perfect. You’ll even write the ingredients down on a notecard and hide it away, and it’ll become your family secret recipe.

Once you feel like your cookie game is strong enough, you decide to test these babies out. You bring two dozen painstakingly baked confections to Firehouse 83, where Dean works. The man is a bottomless pit, to be sure, but you also want other people’s unbiased opinions. For science.

You park your car on the side of the road, making sure you’re not blocking the driveway where two huge fire trucks are parked. You head inside the firehouse with your big container under your arm and your purse on the other. Now at seven months into your pregnancy, you’ve gotten to the embarrassing “waddle” stage.

You’re still determined to be active though! You plan to keep working until you have the baby. Your parents live a few hours away, but you’re grateful that they want to help out as much as possible.

Even though they weren’t happy to hear about how you got pregnant, by now they've met Dean and begrudgingly admitted to liking him. He's really stepped up to the responsibility of a future father, insisting on baby-proofing your apartment, helping you shop for the essentials, and going with you to as many doctor’s appointments as he can. He’s even agreed to giving you child support payments, even though you hadn’t wanted to ask for it.

You look for him now as you enter the firehouse, trying to push the heavy glass door open with one hand.

“Here, I got you,” says a familiar baritone voice.

You’re pleasantly surprised at the man who helps you inside.

“Benny! It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, been…a while,” he chuckles, glancing down at the swell of your belly, but he squeezes your shoulder and leans in to hug you gently.

“Dean filled you in?” you ask. You hope so. Having to explain the story to one of his own friends would be embarrassing, especially since this is the man you walked in Sam’s wedding with. It reminds you of that day, and the way you told Dean that news in a glorified closet, with shaking hands and the wrong kind of butterflies.

Thankfully, Benny nods. “That he did…but come on, I’ll show you around. And I see you’ve brought somethin’ special for us?”

He gestures at the container you're holding and offers to take it off your hands. You give it to him, grateful for the help.

“Yeah, and I want you guys to give me your honest opinion.”

Benny tosses you a wink and a smile. “That I can do.”

Your cheeks begin to warm in a blush, but the way he helps you to a comfy couch in the common room earns your smile. There are still good men left in this world, and you’re glad to know that Dean works so well with one.

“You want some coffee, or water? Think we might have some lemonade,” Benny says.

“Water would be great, thank you,” you reply, as you rub your belly. The little man has decided to kick at your liver today. “I stopped drinking coffee for the baby. ”

It's your biggest challenge, to be honest. Try wrangling a group of fifteen to twenty six-year-olds while running on green tea, the fumes of sleep deprivation, reduced bladder control, and as much vim as you can muster.

“Ah, right,” Benny nods. “My sister has two kids. She cut out coffee, pain meds, some dairy stuff. But she claimed cheesecake was all right, ‘cause it’s got cake in the name.”

You giggle. “I see no flaw in her logic.”

Down the hall of the firehouse, Dean is just coming back in from going through a set of drills. He’s still the Candidate—the freshest blood in the house—so they’ve been putting him through his paces for the past several months. He’s eager to learn and to prove himself.

His ears perk up in confusion though. Did he just hear your voice?

Why does it smell like a bakery in here?

When he rounds the corner, he sees you in the common room, smiling and giggling like a teenager at something Benny said to you while he eats a soft baked cookie right out of a Tupperware container. You must’ve brought it for the firehouse.

This cozy little scene kind of annoys Dean somehow, though he doesn’t know why. He does know that it shouldn’t.

“Hey, look who’s here,” Dean says, forcing himself to smile. It becomes easier when you look his way, your eyes brightening at his arrival.

“There you are! Come ‘ere and try these,” you say, pointing at the box Benny holds. “Tell me if our son’s going to have the best PTA mom ever.”

Dean can’t help but grin after trying a big bite of one of your cookies.

“Oh, mah Gah,” he says, holding a hand under his mouth so nothing comes crumbling out.

“Good?” you ask.

“Good friggin’ cookie,” he confirms, after he swallows. “You’re gonna have the other parents frothing at the mouth. Who’s gonna be able to compete with this?”

Benny nods in agreement. When Dean squeezes your shoulder, your sweet, happy smile makes him smile too.

She’s going to be a good mom, he thinks. He can only hope against hope that he can be the man his son needs.

Two months later, the time has finally come. Your water breaks when you’re in the middle of teaching your second graders how to spell exaggerate—and no, Joey, it’s not e-g-g-zagerate.

However, the embarrassment of him pointing out the fluid beginning to stain your slacks is swiftly cut off by your shock. Your first call is to the principal, to have her send someone to cover your class. Your next call is to Dean, telling him to meet you at the hospital.

“Why the hell did he have to bring her,” you mutter to yourself, wiping sweat from your brow. Here you are, gritting your teeth through contraction after contraction in this damn hospital bed, and Dean is outside the room talking to Lisa.

You know you have no real reason to be upset. She’s been trying her best to be your friend in recent months. Hell, she helped Eileen and your mom plan your baby shower. She even brought you flowers when she got to the hospital, but you notice how less than five minutes after she got here, she and Dean became embroiled in yet another argument. It seems to you that all they do is argue, break up for a week or two, and then get back together again.

The sex must be explosive, like the fireworks at goddamn Disney World.

But Dean eventually does come back into the room alone. His support grounds you over the next few hours. He lets you basically break his hand, all while he gives you encouragement (and stands by your shoulder, so he doesn’t see anything you’d rather him not see).

And then, your son is born. Every muscle, every cell in your body is exhausted, but the pain meds have kicked in, and you’re in that blissed out state between abject reality and being entirely entranced by the bundle in your arms. His perfect face is just there, sleeping for the moment after the nurses taught you how to breastfeed.

Dean returns to sit in the chair beside you. He gives you some water and a piece of a protein bar. You’re not that hungry, but he pointed out that you haven’t eaten since before your water broke.

“Sam and Eileen are on their way up,” he says.

You nod in reply. You’re too into your son right now to think of anything else.

Dean shakes his head in wonder as he reaches out with a tentative hand, brushing his fingers over the baby’s downy head. He was born with a little tuft of brown hair.

“Okay, down to business,” Dean says, shooting you a playful look. “I vote for Zeppelin.”

You groan. “Dean, no. Veto. I’m not naming my son after a rock band.”

“Aw, come on. It’s a badass name!”

“What about Aiden?” you suggest.

“Veto,” he snorts. You two agreed to getting five “vetos” each, but this discussion has been more like a battle of wills over the last several months.

“Okay, what about Daniel? That’s strong, classic,” you pose.

Dean considers it with a tilt of his head. “All right, that one’s a maybe.”

Again, he strokes the baby’s soft cheek. You look over at Dean with a small smile.

“You’re going to be a good dad, you know,” you tell him. It earns his gaze. Although he’s trying to stay strong, you read the hidden insecurity there, the worry and fear. You rest a hand on his arm. “You are, Dean. You’re a good man, and you’ve really stepped up these past few months. This obviously isn’t how either of us thought our lives would go, but if this had to happen with someone, I’m glad it’s you.”

Dean’s expression softens. He hesitates, but he lays a hand over yours and squeezes gently.

“Thanks,” he says.

Your eyes meet, and it’s a moment charged with something you can’t even name. It’s not the first time you’ve felt this feeling with him. It both fills your heart with warmth, and makes you ache.

Then the door opens. It’s Lisa, Sam, and Eileen. Dean’s hand slips away from yours as they all pour in to congratulate you and Dean, and of course, meet the baby. There’s a lot of soft cooing and playful shushing.

In that small chaos, your parents call to tell you that they’re finally almost here. It really sucked not having your mom with you, but your parents live far enough away that they were going to take a train and stay with you for at least a week. Their train unfortunately got delayed due to mechanical failure.

It's okay though. Getting through the past several hours has made you realize that you’re stronger and more capable than you think, and even though part of you is still scared to death, you don’t need a husband to be a good mom. You’re going to give this your all, no matter who’s beside you…

And that's no more apparent than when Dean soon has to step out again, leading Lisa out of the room. He saw how her “helpful” suggestion to have a get-together at their apartment to celebrate the baby’s birth was setting you on edge. Really, you just want to sleep for the next 24-hours and not have any more pictures of you taken.

It gets loud enough outside your hospital room that Sam and Eileen feel they have to intervene. Lisa is Eileen’s best friend, and she’s the best equipped to try and deescalate the argument from that end, while Sam deals with Dean. It’s messy, it’s irritating, and it means that even today, you can’t just have a little bit of peace.

You sigh and cradle your still nameless baby close to your chest. He’s all that matters. Already, your heart is so damn full just taking him in.

“What’s your name, my little love?” you whisper. “What am I going to write on your certificate, besides Winchester?”

“How about Benjamin,” comes a Louisiana drawl.

You perk up and smile in surprise. “Benny, hey.”

He greets you with a slightly hesitant kiss on the cheek. He’s brought the baby an adorable teddy bear, and you a beautiful bouquet of white and blue roses, along with a box of chocolates.

“It’s the assorted kind, but they’ve got plenty of the caramel ones you like,” he says, then gazes down at the baby. “Aw, he’s a little charmer. Already got more of you than Dean, that’s for sure.”

You laugh lightly at his teasing. “I don’t know about that.” You hope your son inherits Dean’s strong jaw, and his green eyes.

Benny scratches the back of his head. “Also…sorry if I’m crossing some kind of boundary here. Looks like it’s a bit of a circus outside.”

You shake your head and smile through burgeoning tears. You set the chocolates on the end table where he’s placed the flowers and the teddy bear.

“No, it’s very sweet. Thank you,” you say. You glance out the window of your room to the hallway, where the arguing between Dean, Lisa, Sam, and Eileen seems to finally be calming down. You’re so damn tired, you don’t give a crap about whatever they’re hashing out now.

You look down at your son, and despite your strong thoughts earlier, insecurity begins to creep back into your mind like inky claws.  

“How are you holding up?” Benny asks. His face is kind and concerned when he notes the change in you.

You meet him with a wobbly smile. “Honestly? I’m afraid. I know I have a lot of people who want to support me, and I’m grateful, but…I just have this terrible feeling that we’re going to end up alone, him and me.”

You look down at your son, and you have to wipe away a tear from your eye before it falls on his face.

A large, warm hand rests over yours. Your gaze raises slowly, and Benny smiles at you. He’s serious though.

“Don’t you worry about that,” he says. “You’re not gonna be alone.”

FIVE YEARS LATER... 

For all that changes, there are some things that stay the same.

Dean and Lisa are still the world’s most “off again, on again” couple you’ve ever met. Sam and Eileen are still going strong as the hardworking, driven career couple. Your son is growing more and more every day and just started kindergarten this year.

(You ultimately caved on Dean’s idea to name him Robert, as in Robert Plant, lead singer of Led Zeppelin.)

Oh, yeah, and the “you and Benny” thing? That’s been going well for two years now.

What can you say? The man is persistent, but respectfully so. He’s considerate, reliable, and always calls you when work at the firehouse has him running late.

You haven’t yet invited him to move in with you. That part you’re still hesitant on, mostly because of your son, but Benny helps you drop off Robbie at school and makes breakfast for you all whenever he stays over your apartment. Benny takes an interest in your son’s life and keeps up with all his energy, taking him to the park to run himself ragged before dinner, and helping you tuck him in at night.

Benny is a bit closed off though, the strong stoic type. He’s hard for you to get a read on, and sometimes you wonder if he’s just indulging you when you ramble on about your day or make silly jokes. Even now, sometimes you withhold the first thought that comes to your mind, hoping he doesn’t think you immature or…too much.

But Benny shows his caring in all those little things he does for you. They add up into the big things, and he makes you feel supported. He makes you feel safe.

He even helps you plan your son’s fifth birthday. Robbie wanted to go all out on a dinosaur theme; he’s been hooked on Jurassic Park ever since Benny “accidentally” let him watch it with him on one of your rare nights out with your friends.

So you set up a little party at the park by your apartment. You managed to reserve the biggest gazebo, where there are three picnic tables covered with dinosaur plates, and tablecloths, streamers in different shades of green. You even bought a big dinosaur cake—also in a radioactive green color that you hadn’t been sure about, but your son talked you into. Robbie thinks it’s awesome.

He’s running around on the playground with a few of his friends from school. Their parents (along with Sam, Eileen, and Lisa) are talking amongst themselves at one of the picnic tables while you try to figure out how to get the Bluetooth speaker to connect with your phone.

“Haha! Got it. If you're so smart, Alexa, why don't you connect on the first try?” You fist-pump the air triumphantly, just as Benny comes to your side. He wraps an arm around your waist and kisses your cheek, making you smile.

“How’s it going out there?” you ask, nodding at the kids. Plus Dean, who’s gamely been the one to keep them entertained with different games. Right now, it’s a thrilling game of Cowboys and Outlaws, where Robbie and his friends are the cowboys, and Dean is the outlaw. He’s been hiding under the slide, behind trees and other playground fixtures, while the kids have little squirt guns to pelt him with water every time they find him.

It's pretty damn cute, and you’ve been taking pictures. You smile at the sight of Dean leaping out at Robbie and the kids, catching them off guard.

“You’ll never take me alive, Sheriff!” Dean declares.

“Oh, it’s goin’,” Benny remarks with an amused shake of his head. “Still hard to believe that guy’s about to make it to Lieutenant.”

“Hahaaa, gotcha!!” Dean cackles. He’s grabbed up Robbie and yanked him over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry. Robbie screeches with laughter while his dad runs around the playground, being chased by a bunch of five-year-olds with squirt guns.

Your smile threatens to make your cheeks hurt. You know your life is…unconventional, to say the least, but Dean is a good father to your son. He’s also been working hard at his job. He just took the Lieutenant’s test, and even though Benny already occupies that position at Firehouse 83, a spot at another firehouse might open up for Dean to transfer.

“Part of me doesn’t want to,” Dean admitted to you last week, while he was working on fixing your stubborn, leaky sink. “All the guys there, they’re like family, you know?” “I understand,” you nodded. “You have to do what feels best for you, whether that’s staying where you feel comfortable, or moving up in your career somewhere else. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.” He took in your advice with a slow nod. “Yeah, thanks. Guess I have to time to think about it. Lisa had other ideas.” “Of course,” you said with a smile, but it soon dropped. “Why, what did she say?” “Do what I can to move up,” he sighed. “She’s got a point. That title comes with a pay bump, one I could really use right now.” “I get that. Totally valid,” you said. “But I just think it’s important for you to be happy with it too. Especially with what you do, helping people, saving people…I’d imagine being in the right mindset for all that is important, right? Who you work with can be just as important as the money stuff.” Dean considered you with a smile. “Yeah, exactly.”

As you think about it now, you have to admit that he’s grown up a lot.

Dean has to lean against a tree to catch his breath. Am I already getting too old for this crap?

Feels kind of young to have a stitch in his side after a few rounds with these kids, but even he has his limits. Lisa comes to bring him a bottle of ice-cold water, which he appreciates. He’s tempted to dump it over his head like he does after successfully neutralizing a fire. It gets literally hot as hell under that helmet and mask and all his gear underneath.

“Need an iron lung?” Lisa teases.

“Toss in a new pair of knees, thanks,” he wheezes. He downs half the water bottle in one go, but he smiles at seeing his son keep running around with his friends. He’s just got that manic kid energy that goes on for days. But Robbie’s also smart; like Dean, he likes taking things apart and putting them back together in new and ingenious ways.

Dean hopes his son likes the new model car set that’s waiting for him on the picnic table full of presents. In fact, he’s still surprised that you didn’t go with the race car theme he suggested for the party, but apparently, Robbie’s more into dinosaurs now. Dean wishes he knew that before he bought the model car set.

He looks over and catches sight of you and Benny wrapped up in each other. He has his arm around your waist while you fiddle with something, but the way you lean over and whisper near his ear elicits a smile on Benny’s face.

Dean’s good mood diminishes.

“Well, don’t they seem cozy,” he mutters.

Lisa arches a manicured brow. “Yeah, pretty sure he’s getting ready to propose.”

That earns Dean’s attention, his head swiveling back to her in surprise.

“Really?” he asks. “Who told you that?”

“His sister,” she replies. “Meg’s in my intermediate class, remember?”

Dean nods, sipping at his water, even though he’s a bit absent in the eyes. Lisa watches him shrewdly.

“Why do you seem upset about it?” she asks. “Benny’s your friend.”

“I know,” Dean says. He doesn’t need that reminder, or the guilty twinge. It’s not like he’s done anything wrong.

“And she seems happy,” Lisa points out. “Don’t you want the mother of your kid to be with a good man who treats her right?”

He nods, trying to hide his growing annoyance. “‘Course I do. I just…I don’t know. I still don’t see them together, I guess.”

“Well, they’ve been together for like, two years.”

Again, Dean nods his acknowledgement. It’s hard for him to believe that so much time has passed already. He honestly didn’t think you and Benny would be together this long. He’d always felt a little uncomfortable with one of his best friends dating you, but you’d seemed happy about it, so he didn’t discourage it. But he’d never been very supportive, either. At least, not about your relationship.

Lisa sighs and grabs his arm, pulling him aside before he can rejoin the party.

“Listen, we need to talk about something,” she says.

Dean restrains a tired groan. “Can this wait ‘til later?”

“I think we should do this now,” she says. A hallmark Lisa-ism. She’s opinionated and strong-willed, something Dean’s always respected about her. Sometimes though, the timing is damn irritating. He doesn’t want to get into another argument with his girlfriend in public, especially not at his son’s birthday party.

“Speaking of commitment,” she says with a sigh. “I think it’s fair to say that we’ve been on a five-year rollercoaster, you and I. You know why that is?”

“I’m sure you’re gonna tell me,” Dean says, crossing his arms.

“It’s because you’re spread too thin,” she says. “Between the firehouse, construction jobs on the side…not to mention other things.”

“What? What’re you talking about?”

Lisa’s lips purse, before she pointedly gestures over at you with her eyes. “Well, for example. You’re still going to her place after your next shift to fix her fridge, right?”

“Yeah, I mean, should be pretty simple. I’ve just gotta swing by the hardware store and grab this specialty tool I ordered—”

“Dean,” Lisa deadpans. “That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about.”

She heaves a deep breath, running her fingers through her long brown hair.

“I get that navigating this situation hasn’t been easy for you,” she says. “It hasn’t exactly been easy for me either, but look.”

Lisa takes his hands in hers, uncrossing his arms. “I want to get married someday. I want kids too. And I want that kind of life with you…I’m just not sure you want it with me.”

Dean expels a heavy sigh. “Lis—”

“Don’t answer me right now,” she says, but she levels him with a serious look. “You need to decide though, Dean. Five years is long enough. You should know by now if you want to be with me.”

After letting go of his hands, she softens the edges of her words with a gentle kiss on his cheek. Then she turns to join the group now gathered around the picnic table where the food is, all the kids cheering for pizza and cake.

After the party, Sam, Eileen, Lisa, and Benny pack up their cars and yours with the leftover food, party supplies, and presents. Dean helps you clean up the trash, all while keeping an eye on Robbie getting out the last of his sugar-high on the playground swing.

You shake your head tiredly, if with a fond smile. “That kid’s gonna be up all night hype on that radioactive cake.”

Dean chuckles. “You want me to take him tonight?”

“It’s okay. I think he’s going to want to play with his toys,” you reply.

“Well, he could just as easily do that at my place,” he reasons.

You consider it, but you shake your head. “Yeah, but we got him the bike. He’s probably gonna want to try it out for a few minutes before we get him cleaned up.”

“By ‘we,’ you mean you and Benny,” Dean says, his tone becoming surly. “And about that. Don’t you think a bike is something you should run by me? That’s typically a ‘dad’ kind of gift.”

You pause what you’re doing at the sound of his tone. Your brows knit together.

“Sorry, but I feel like a bike isn’t exclusively a dad thing,” you say.

“My dad got me my first bike,” Dean replies. “Spent a whole three days teaching me how to ride.”

You take a minute to think about it. You understand where Dean’s coming from, so you nod.

“Okay, I get it. You want to be there to help teach Robbie? I’m sure he’d love that.” 

Dean tosses a wadded-up ball of frosting-covered napkins and stops, letting his hands fall to his sides in frustration. He draws closer and helps you untie the balloons from the picnic table.

“Yeah, I do, but that’s not the point,” he says. “Why can’t I take him home tonight?”

You blink up at him in confusion. “Well, like I said. The bike—”

“That I should’ve gotten for him,” he snaps. “Which, let me guess, Benny picked out. Right?”

You frown at him in earnest now. “Dean, why are you getting so upset about it? It’s just a bike.”

“Well you know what, it’s not! And it’s not just the damn bike either.” He swipes a hand over his face in annoyance, a telltale sign you’ve come to read well on the man. “Look, I’m missing too much shit, all right? Like, like the dinosaur thing! And the fact that I only get him on the weekends.”

You turn toward him, trying to put a cap on your own annoyance. This isn’t the first time you two have had a conversation like this. 

“We’ve gone over this before, Dean. Your schedule at the firehouse is just too unpredictable,” you say. “Robbie needs as much stability as possible between us. But…okay, if you want to take him tonight, that’s fine. We can bring the bike over to your place and show it to him there.”

You’re trying to be as reasonable as possible, and Dean knows that. Still, anger prickles just under his skin, and he can’t help but push his luck.

“You still should’ve asked be before you got the bike in the first place,” he argues.

Your brows raise high. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Look, it’s not like we bought him a Honda Civic. Honestly, Dean, why are you picking a fight with me right now?” you ask. “Did you and Lisa get into it again or something?”

Dean looks away and crosses his arms, giving you all the confirmation you need.

“Yeah, that’s right,” you nod. “I saw you two over there on the playground, looked pretty heated. But do me a favor. Don’t come at me with that energy, because I’m too damn tired of it!”

When you walk away from him, Dean can’t help but stare after you. He knows he fucked that up, just as he knows that you don’t deserve him snapping at you. He’s just too irritated to admit it.

For the entire week that follows, Dean finds himself distracted. He sticks to his word and helps Benny teach his son how to ride a bike in between their shifts at the firehouse, but Dean comes home each night feeling even more frustrated and drained than before. It’s too much, knowing Benny’s slowly but surely carving out a father-figure role in Robbie’s life.

These thoughts follow Dean to work, even while he climbs up the firetruck ladder in the rain. It’s parallel to a busted utility pole that still sparks with electricity, even in this torrential downpour. His task is to get up to the top and grab a large branch that’s tangled in the lines.

Rung after rung, he climbs. His safety mask protects his eyes from the rain, but he wishes they had some mini windshield wipers to keep his vision clear of the droplets pelting him in the face.

He also can’t help thinking of you. If Lisa’s right, then Benny’s about to become a more permanent fixture in Robbie’s life, and yours. 

Okay fine. It’s not like Dean expected you to be single forever, but did you really have to get with one of his best friends? Does it really have to be Benny, who seems so natural with Robbie, and more patient than Dean, and more of a support to you and Robbie than Dean can ever be?

And then there’s Lisa’s little ultimatum. He understands why she’s frustrated with him. Honestly, he’s surprised she’s stuck around this long. He knows she’s not going to wait too much longer for him to get his act together. For him to decide, as she put it.

It’s not that he’s not sure about her, it’s just that…

Just that what? he wonders.

He manages to grab the wily tree branch and maneuver it out of the power lines. 

He just doesn’t realize that his glove doesn’t have quite enough friction on the metal side panel of the ladder. Not only does his hand slip, but he’s forced to let go of the branch while he loses his balance. The branch falls to the sidewalk, far, far down below.

“Dean!” Benny shouts in alarm.

Luckily, the truck itself breaks Dean's fall.

Holding Robbie’s hand tightly in yours is the only thing keeping you steady as you lead him through the hospital. After the receptionist had checked you both in and gave you the room number, you hastened down the hall and up to the right floor. 2005.

Robbie breaks into tears when he finally gets to see his dad, laid up though he is in his hospital bed. Your throat tightens at the sight of Dean hooked up to all those monitors. He has his arm wrapped up and fitted into a sling. He has a thick piece of gauze taped to the side of his face, covering a wide, angry abrasion, but he seems to be resting easy on his back. The bed is at an incline, with most of the overhead lights turned off.

Robbie rushes to the bed before you can stop him. He hesitantly touches Dean’s non-injured right hand. “Daddy?”

“Robbie, wait,” you say, keeping your voice quiet. You quickly go over to the bedside and grab ahold of Robbie’s shoulders, but Dean takes a deep breath. His eyelids crack open.

“Hey, buddy,” he says, attempting a smile. His voice is rough and weak, but at least he’s awake.

Robbie’s lower lip wobbles as tears fill his eyes again.

“Come ‘ere,” Dean says, a little stronger. When he reaches out to his son, the kid hops up onto the bed and buries his face into his father’s chest. Dean holds him as securely as he can, soothing his hand over the boy’s hair and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“It’s okay, little man. ‘M okay,” he promises. Robbie nods, but he still continues to cry.

You can’t help but do the same. Tears slip down your cheeks without your consent. Dean beckons you over too, gesturing with his chin and a slight smile. You’re more tentative in the way you sit down at the edge of his bed. You run your fingers through Robbie’s light brown hair to help reassure him. Then, you meet Dean’s gaze and lay a hand on his good shoulder. You don’t know whether you’re steadying him, or yourself.

“How do you feel?” you ask. “The hospital called me. Benny told me what happened.”

The thought reminds you to text your boyfriend. You hadn’t had a chance to tell him you made it here yet. He must be downstairs grabbing a bite to eat, because he’s the one who rode with Dean in the ambulance and has been with him for a while.

“The hospital called you?” Dean notes in slight confusion.

“Eileen told me that Sam is in court right now, so I must’ve been next on the list,” you say. He also must have taken Lisa off his emergency list the last time they broke up for almost a month. He probably forgot to update it again.

You reach out a hand to almost touch the bandage by his temple. Instead, you hesitantly hold the side of his face to see the area better. Dean closes his eyes for a moment. You can see he’s in pain. Your hand lingers on his cheek, but you know, deep down, that it shouldn’t.

Dean doesn’t stop you though. He lets out a deep breath, savoring how nice the gentle touch feels when the rest of his body feels battered to hell.

“Fell off the ladder. Was a stupid rookie move,” he explains, but when he sees that look on your face, he tries to inject a little more joking into a smile. “S’ not so bad.”

“You could’ve broken your head as well as your arm,” you say, more sharply than you mean to.

Robbie whimpers and clings tighter to Dean. You cover your mouth, as if you can trap the words back inside. You don’t want to upset your son more than he already is, so you fall silent. Another tear works its way down your cheek, but you brush it away. Dean shakes his head.

“Hey, I’m okay,” he reassures you too. He manages to smile as he pats Robbie’s back. “Right, buddy?”

The boy’s head perks up. His eyes are still shiny, but he smiles too. He’s not one to speak when he’s upset though, so he just curls up against Dean’s chest and hangs onto him. Dean rests his good arm snugly around him.

You smile and stroke Robbie’s back. Though your hand lowers, resting on Dean’s hand. You take in a deep breath to calm yourself down. Dean’s fingers curl around yours, prompting you to glance up into his eyes. The way he’s watching you is soft, grateful.

Until the door creaks open. Benny steps in with a subtle clearing of his throat. You jolt internally, and you slip your hand away from Dean’s. You offer your boyfriend a wan smile.

“Hey,” you say.

“Hey, baby.” He comes over and greets you with a kiss to the side of your head. He smiles at your son gently. “The gang’s all here.”

“Oh! Let me call Sam, and Lisa too. They still don’t know what’s going on,” you say. You get up from the bed to grab your phone out of your purse. Dean nods in agreement and thanks you, while Robbie plays with his dad's long fingers.

“How you holdin’ up, brother?” Benny asks, after you step out of the room. He settles into the chair near the foot of the bed.

“Ah, you know me. I’m like a cat. Always stick the landing,” Dean says, smiling lazily. The morphine is starting to kick in again.

Benny smirks. “Maybe you do got nine lives, the amount of close calls you like gettin’ yourself into.”

Dean’s good humor fades. He considers his son in his arms, and he shakes his head.

“Yeah, well, no more,” he says. He got a taste of what it would be like to leave his boy behind, and he’s not fucking doing it. He’s not leaving you to raise Robbie by yourself. The mere idea tears a new hole in his heart.

His eyes sting just enough that he has to blink a bit harder, swallowing past a thick well of emotion in his throat. He presses another kiss to the top of Robbie’s head. Then, Dean meets Benny’s gaze.

“Thank you,” he says, and he means it.

Benny nods.

“You got it, brother.”

When Lisa steps off the hospital elevator on the second floor, you happen to be coming out of the bathroom to fix your racoon eyes. You’ve been crying way too much. You attempt to greet Lisa with something reassuring, but she cuts you off. 

“What happened, and why didn’t the hospital call me directly?” she asks.

Her tone is cutting, and it takes you aback.

“Well, Sam and I were listed as his emergency contacts—”

“Why?” she snaps. “You’re not his wife or his girlfriend. I should’ve been listed.”

Jesus Christ. At this point, you can’t help it. You’re too tired and emotionally drained to lasso in your temper with this woman.

“Maybe if you and Dean stayed together longer than five minutes at a time, he’d put you back on the short list,” you sling back. “But the truth is, you’ve never just…been there for Dean. Not without demanding something from him.”

Lisa scoffs incredulously. “Oh, that’s fucking rich coming from you. You’re the reason he can’t commit to anything. You think your little world is the only one that matters, and you call Dean for any little thing! What, don’t you have a boyfriend to help fix your goddamn sink?” 

You open your mouth to retort, but you pause as her words seep into your mind. She might actually have a small point about that one. You realize then just how often you’ve been asking Dean for his help, not just with your apartment, but with your car, and other logistical things that usually have to with Robbie. Dean’s just such a good handyman, and you thought he genuinely liked being able to help…even though Benny did mention once or twice that he’d be just as happy to help you.

“Lisa, this is a lot more than a leaky sink. I just wanted to get here with Robbie and make sure Dean was okay,” you try to explain.

“Good. I’m glad his son was the first person Dean got to see when he woke up,” Lisa says. “But I should’ve been the second.”

She brushes past you before you can even think of what to say. You’re in a state of shock, feeling guilty, incensed, and on the verge of tears all at once.

A familiar voice calls your name, and you turn to Benny just as those tears begin to fall. He gathers you up into his arms and holds you there in the middle of the hallway.

“She shouldn’t talk to you like that, no matter how high tensions are today. I’ll talk to Dean,” Benny says. You shake your head and bury your face in his chest, clenching your fingers in his red flannel shirt. 

“No, it’s okay,” you reply, despite the sob that shudders through you. You’ve lost the will to fight.

Benny shakes his head and presses a kiss to your forehead. “It ain’t okay, baby.”

“Please, don’t bother Dean with this. Especially not right now,” you say. You take a moment to wipe your eyes and get ahold of yourself. “I’m gonna go get Robbie so Dean can rest.”

You can’t shake the feeling that Lisa is right. You do rely on Dean too much. You just don’t want to think about why that is.

Dean makes a full recovery after a few months. He never does hear about what happened in that hallway, but he knows that things need to change. 

He decides to dig out his mom’s engagement ring from a locked box of his parents’ keepsakes, though he’s still waiting on the right time for it. He and Lisa start looking at houses though, for real this time. She hires a realtor and everything. 

He’s making a firm decision, and he thinks it’s the right one. He wants to be there for his son, but he doesn’t want to keep “spreading himself too thin.” He has to figure out how to set some roots, and some boundaries with you while he’s at it. He’ll just have to come to terms with the idea that he won’t get to be there for everything. 

He has to be okay with the fact that you’ll probably marry Benny. You’ll keep making him cookies and cakes, giving him your smile and your time and your body. And Robbie will probably think of Benny as more of a father than his own Weekend Dad. 

Meanwhile, you’ve spent the past few months keeping yourself in check as well. You’ve stopped calling Dean for help whenever something breaks down in your old-ass apartment. You try to keep your conversations less about life and troubles and whatever funny thing your students did that day in class, and more focused on Robbie–strictly about his schedule and his needs.

It’s kind of painful, if you’re honest with yourself. Sam will always be one of your closest friends from college, but in the past five years, Dean has truly become your best friend. Because you’ve told him things. The things that come from sharing a child with someone, like Sunday dinners with your parents, flipping through old yearbooks and childhood pictures—and the details of day-to-day schedules and little stupid things that happen in moments between moments.

Dean also knows the deep cuts. Like being pregnant and scared and breaking down crying on the side of the road. Like sharing the deepest well of your insecurities with someone who knows your body intimately, even if just for one amazing night...a night you’ve never quite been able to put out of your mind.

However, you know that things can’t stay the same. From now on, he just needs to be your son’s father. Nothing more, nothing less. 

So today, on a crisp April 24th, you’re getting ready for a highly anticipated evening with your boyfriend. Robbie is sleeping over your parents’ house, and Benny has been planning something special for your third-year anniversary. 

You slip into your new dress, a deep emerald green, with a pair of black heels you’ve rarely worn since before you got pregnant. Come to think of it, you were wearing these the night of Sam and Eileen’s bachelor-bachelorette party. The night you…well, the night Robbie was conceived. 

You shake your head to rid yourself of those thoughts. You even consider changing. 

You’re being silly, you shake your head. They’re just shoes. 

And yet. Thinking of that time so long ago, it reminds you of a recent Sunday dinner at your parents’ house.

Two Months Ago...

Your parents live modestly, but comfortably in rural Kansas. Their ranch-style home boasts a creek in the backyard, where your dad is teaching your son how to catch minnows. Your mom is inside working on an apple pie, knowing it’s both Dean’s and Robbie’s favorite.

You and Dean have kept close to the house under the shade, sitting on a bench made more comfortable by a pair of old polyester cushions with red, faded flowers.

“How much longer do you have to wear that?” you ask Dean. He glances down at his cast-covered left arm.

“Doc says it’s about ready to come off,” he says.

You nod, allowing yourself a certain smile. “How bad are you itching to grab my mom’s garden shears and cut it off right here?”

“Woman, don’t tempt me,” he says, his lips twitching at a grin. “I’ve been eying those overgrown scissors for the past half hour.”

You laugh and take another sip of your glass. Yours holds sweet tea, while Dean’s has some of your dad’s favorite whiskey. You both raise your heads when Robbie yells across the backyard.

“I caught a minnow!”

“Good job, buddy,” Dean grins. “See if you can catch a marlin!”

“A marlin?” Robbie questions.

“Yeah, like that orange guy in Finding Nemo,” Dean calls back.

Your dad gives Dean the same wry look you do, though yours is tinged with more amusement.

“Dean, that’s a clown fish,” you say. “He’s not gonna find that in the creek.”

“Aw, shit,” he tries to quiet his laugh. “Ah well, should keep him occupied for another twenty minutes.”

You bite your lip to stifle your laughter as well. Though something else occurs to you the longer you watch your son play and explore in the creek. Your dad has the patience of a saint as he puts yet another bait worm on the hook for the kid.

“He’s starting to ask questions, you know,” you tell Dean, in a quieter voice. “‘Why aren’t you and Daddy married? Why can’t we all live together?’”

Dean's brows raise. His good humor dims when he looks over at you.

“What do you tell him?” he asks.

You take in a deep breath, considering your words now as carefully as you did with your son.

“That we care about each other a lot, as friends,” you say, meeting Dean’s eyes. “And we love Robbie very much. Nothing’s going to change that, even if you and I aren’t together like a normal mom and dad.”

Saying it like that makes your heart twinge, for more than one reason. The way Dean’s mouth twitches into a rueful smile just makes it worse, but you try your best to ignore it.

“I never thought about having to explain it to him,” he says, rubbing a hand over his mouth.

It’s that anxious tell of his again. You notice every time he does it.

“I have,” you admit. “I just didn’t know for sure what I was going to say until it was coming out of my mouth.”

Dean smirks a little. “Yeah, that sounds like you.”

You roll your eyes and sip your drink, crossing your arms as well. Dean considers you then, looking at you in a way that makes you raise a brow in question.

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing, it’s just…” He sits back against the bench and rubs his hands down his jean-clad thighs. “For the record, I did try to ask you out once.”

“What?” you scoff incredulously. “No, you’ve been with Lisa since the beginning.”

“Before Lisa,” Dean says.

He isn’t joking. He isn’t teasing. He’s serious as he stares back at you with those green eyes of his. Your brows furrow as you wrack your brain. Did he drunkenly leave you a voicemail on one of those “off again” episodes between him and Lisa? No. You know you’d remember something like that.

“It was a few weeks after the bachelor party,” Dean says. “I called you up, remember?”

Your eyes widen. Finally, that jogs your memory.

“So I just thought maybe you and I could do something again. Maybe you wanna come over my place this time.” And there it is. You deflate at his words, shoulders sagging. The "convenient booty call" proposition.

You have to laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Dean, you did not ask me out,” you say. “You wanted to hook up. There’s a distinct difference.”

Dean frowns at you. “No, I was. I invited you over—”

“For essentially some Netflix and chill,” you retort.

“Hey, I offered to make you dinner,” he argues. “I didn’t say anything about hooking up.”

You pause at that. His earnest denial makes you actually think back to what you remember about that conversation on the phone.

“So I just thought maybe you and I could do something again. Maybe you wanna come over my place this time.” And there it is. You deflate at his words, shoulders sagging. The "convenient booty call" proposition. “I could make us some burgers, toss in a couple of beers and a movie night,” he adds.

You cover your lips with your fingers as you begin to realize…

“That was you asking me out?” you ask incredulously.

Dean’s brows furrow and he throws his hands up. “What? Who doesn’t like a little movie night?”

“Dean,” you huff another laugh. “You could’ve made it sound more like a date.”

“Well, ‘scuse me. Sorry I couldn’t afford the Ritz at the time,” he grumbles.

You sigh. “That’s not what I meant.”

The more you think about it, the more you just shake your head at yourself. Why did you have to overthink it, like you do everything?

“Wow,” you say, softer and more contrite. “I honestly never thought…”

“Yeah,” he says. He shifts his gaze out ahead.

You glance over at him, now more unsure of yourself. He wouldn’t have any regrets, you think. He has Lisa. As much as they go at it, they always inevitably get back together. And now you know they hired a realtor. They’re about to start making solid steps forward.

But Dean surprises you with another question.

“Do you think if…”

He doesn’t finish it, but you think you know what he’s asking. You hesitate, your fingers flexing around your glass that beads with condensation. You set the glass down beside you. 

Just as you open your mouth to reply—

“All right, pie is cooling and dinner is served!” your mom calls out. Her head pokes out of the sliding glass door to the backyard. You offer a smile, trying to hide how you jolted in your seat.

“Okay, thanks, Mom,” you nod.

You turn back to Dean, who also hesitates. His eyes meet yours, but all too soon, he locks the moment away.

Bracing his hands on his knees, he rocks to his feet and goes out to get Robbie and help your dad bring in the fishing gear.

You grab Dean’s whiskey along with your tea on your way back inside the house. You consider the amber liquid disturbed in his glass, and you down the rest yourself. The burn down your throat is a good distraction. If he asks about it, you’ll say you got the glasses confused.

You know you’ll have to leave that conversation unfinished at the foot of the bench.

Now...

Benny comes by your apartment and helps you into the passenger side of his pickup truck, like the gentleman he is. He takes you to a nice restaurant in downtown, much nicer than the usual sports bar or kid-friendly restaurant. You're very much looking forward to eating at a restaurant that doesn't feature chicken fingers or "kiddie" corn dogs.

“This is gonna be really expensive,” you whisper to him, after he hands his keys over to the valet. 

Benny squeezes your hand in his, leaning over to kiss your temple. 

“Don’t you worry about that. We both deserve a night out.” His blue eyes gleam with amusement. However, his gaze gentles, becoming more sincere. “You work hard, carin’ for everybody around you. How about you let me take care of you for once.”

Your eyes begin to water, your throat constricting with emotion. You rub his arm gratefully.

“Thank you,” you say. “You don’t know how much I appreciate that.” 

It’s always easy with Benny. Nice and simple and easy. Nice, supportive, and considerate.

Nice and safe.

That thought follows you while you and Benny walk into to the restaurant. He’s reserved great seats in the back corner, overlooking a beautiful courtyard. It’s decorated with hydrangeas and light wood dining tables, all framed with a rod iron archway as the sun begins to set just so. After holding your chair out for you before he sits himself, Benny orders a bottle of champagne to kick things off.

He turns to you with a somewhat nervous look in his eyes, like he's steeling himself. It’s uncharacteristic of Benny, who’s always so calm and charming and sure of himself. It makes a zing of anticipation run down your spine, and…a dash of fear. You don’t know why, and you don’t know how to beat the feeling down as you fidget in your seat.

He subtly clears his throat, then takes your hand. “Sweetheart, I know I’m not all that good at the words you’re supposed to say. But I can say that the past three years with you and Robbie, it’s come to mean the world to me.”

Your smile softens. He brushes his thumb over the back of your hand, encouraged by your reaction.

“So I think it’s time I made it clear where I stand, and how much I want to be the man in your life,” he says.

Your eyes begin to widen in shock, but not for the reason he thinks.

“Dean,” you gasp.

Benny’s expression slackens. “What?”

You point over his shoulder, and Benny turns to follow your line of vision. Dean and Lisa have just walked into the restaurant. They notice you pointing their way, and they both pause in surprise as well. Lisa is beautiful as usual in a slinky black dress, completely backless (something you feel you could never pull off, unless you had an invisible bra to keep the girls perked up).

Dean is…well, you’ve very rarely seen him in a suit, but charcoal gray works for him. The open collar and white buttoned-down works for him, as do the three top buttons he’s left undone, showing a tantalizing strip of tanned skin. He stares back at you like he forgot you live in the same time zone, let alone the same zip code.

“Uh, hey!” he casts out an awkward wave, before he makes his way over to you and Benny. Lisa is less than enthused.

“We shouldn’t interrupt their night,” you catch her whisper to him, but Dean doesn’t seem to hear her.

“What’s up, party people! Of all the gin joints in all the world, huh?” Dean says, a little too loudly when he thumps Benny on the back. Benny grunts, giving a bit of a forced chuckle.

“Dean,” he greets. “I think I told you about this particular gin joint. Good to see you can actually clean up once in a while.”

“Ah, you know what, this monkey suit ain’t too bad,” Dean says, pulling at his collar.

You smirk in amusement. “Yeah, I remember how much you complained about wearing a simple tie for Robbie’s Christmas pageant.”

He smirks down at you. “Hey, ties still might not be my thing, but nothing wrong with a sharp collar.”

He pops his for emphasis. You don’t know why it makes you laugh, but it does. Maybe it’s just his face and the silly, endearing expression he makes when he pouts his lips in a “blue steel.”

“So, is this just a night out, or you guys celebrating something special?” Dean asks, gesturing at the champagne bottle and your full glasses of bubbly.

Benny gives his friend a certain look. “Yeah, as a matter of fact. Today’s three years.”

He takes your hand and kisses your knuckles. You smile back at him, though you’re a bit self-conscious at the way both he and Dean, and even Lisa have their attention on you.

“We should let you guys get back to it then,” Lisa says.

Honestly, it’s a relief. You and Benny nod, wishing them a goodnight.

For some reason, you notice how Dean’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. But he goes with Lisa, laying a hand on the small of her back. You force yourself to tear your eyes away from them and refocus on Benny. You take up your champagne glass and raise it in offering.

“All right, where were we?” you ask, if with a nervous trill in your belly.

Benny smiles. He takes up his glass and clinks it with yours.

Lisa nearly sighs. She and Dean are back in line at the front of the restaurant, waiting to be seated. The second time she catches Dean glancing over at the table where you and Benny sit, she shakes her head and digs into her purse for the valet card. She’s done with this.

“I think maybe we should go to a different restaurant,” she says.

That finally earns Dean’s attention, mostly confused. “What, why?”

She just gives him a long look.

He realizes that whatever her reasons are, it’s easier to just give in than to fight her on it. He’s learning when to pick his battles. Or is he just giving up?

Also, if tonight’s “the night” he thinks it is for you and Benny, maybe he doesn’t want to stick around after all. Three years, huh?

“All right, fine. Let’s go,” he agrees.

Dean and Lisa wait for the valet to bring the Impala around. The minute he gets behind the wheel and turns the key into the ignition, she changes her mind.

“Look, let’s just go home,” she says. “I don’t really feel like eating out anymore.”

Dean’s brows raise. “What? Aw, come on. We’re already dressed and everything. You look great, Lis. Just tell me where you wanna eat.”

Lisa remains firm, with a small shake of her head. “Please, Dean, just take me home.”

After a moment of indecision, Dean sighs. He revs the ignition and does as she says.

It’s only a fifteen-minute drive back to their apartment, but in that stifling silence, it seems to drag on for a small eternity. He glances at her a couple of times. Lisa has her arms crossed as she stares out the window, watching the other restaurants and mom-and-pops shops and forest trees and old houses of Lebanon, Kansas go by.

Dean counts it a blessing when they’re finally home. He walks up the few short steps up to their ground-floor apartment and unlocks the door. He flicks on the lights inside, and she breezes past him to toss her purse onto the couch.

Dean takes off his blazer and begins to undo the buttons on his cuffs. He watches her all the while, knowing that a storm is brewing. She shucks off her heels and slowly paces the living room on bare feet, like her whirling thoughts are fueling every step.

“All right, I give. What’s going on?” Dean asks. “What’d I do this time?”

She pauses, with her back turned to him.

Shit, he thinks. He shouldn’t have said it like that.

He prepares for the inevitable blow up, but it never comes. Lisa just heaves a sigh. Slowly she turns, and Dean’s shocked and dismayed to see the tears welling up in her deep brown eyes. He makes quick strides toward her, but she raises a hand to keep him at bay.

“Dean, when you picture yourself happy, truly happy,” she says. “Is it with me? Can you imagine yourself marrying me? Buying the house, having kids, growing old together?”

If Dean was thrown for a loop before, he’s even more stunned by her question. “Lis…”

“Just be honest, for once,” she pleads. Her tears begin to brim over, but she blinks, somehow keeping them at bay.

It’s a bit too long before Dean realizes that he can’t give her an answer. At least, not the one he knows she wants to hear.

When he thinks of that picture in his mind, of course he sees his son. But the only other person Dean can imagine there beside him is…

“I…” He wills his mouth to work, but nothing else comes out.

The only face he can conjure is yours. Your eyes are warm and welcoming, your smile as bright and contagious as your laugh.

The only voice he can hear is yours, gentle and strong at the same time.

The only one he can see is you.

He knows the shampoo you use and the perfume you like to wear, how the sweet and floral scents mix together and linger in your hair and on your skin.

Even now he remembers the contours of your body, and how it could fit so well against his. He knows that you used to try and hide your shape under loose, baggy shirts and cargo pants that did nothing for you. He knows how much courage it took you to wear that red dress to his brother’s party, because you told him once, at one of those Sunday dinners at your parents’ house.

Come to think of it, there’s not a whole lot that Dean doesn’t know about you, except maybe what you see when you look at him.

“You love her,” Lisa finishes for him. “I think you always have.”

Dean’s throat tightens. Somehow he swallows anyway, and he shakes his head. 

“Lisa, I loved you.”

“Maybe you did, in your own way,” she says, laughing a little through her tears as she wipes them away. “But you already have a family, Dean. Go fight for it.” 

Dean doesn’t know what to say, but he knows what he can do.

He goes to her and kisses her cheek. 

“I’m so sorry,” he says. 

Lisa merely nods, wiping her face dry. She watches Dean Winchester walk out of her apartment, and out of her life for good this time. 

Dean calls your cell, but it goes to voicemail. He drives all the way back to the restaurant and doesn’t find you or Benny there. 

Dean realizes that what he’s doing, what he plans to do, is not fucking cool. He wouldn’t blame you or even Benny for being severely pissed when Dean shows up. He also knows that he can’t let another day pass where he keeps lying to you, and himself. 

He eventually finds you at home. What’s weird is that Benny’s truck isn’t in the driveway—just your car. He knocks on your door, and he waits.

He unconsciously holds his breath while he waits in that terrible existence of limbo. However, his heart thrums back to life when he hears your footsteps drawing closer to the door. Anticipation, excitement, dread, it all roils together inside him like a bad cocktail as the door swings open.

And he’s once again rendered a bit breathless at the sight of you in that dress. The color alone appeals to him, let alone the way it accentuates your every curve, from full breasts to the swell of your hips, the softer slope of your thighs, and bare toes painted. You’re fucking delectable, every curve, and a temptation without you even meaning to be. 

You’re just…you’re still so goddamn beautiful, like the night he first saw you. Even now, he can almost feel the give of your thighs under his hands, his fingers pressed to supple flesh. 

But then he’s drawn to your face, and your wide eyes full of surprise. Your mascara is a bit smudged though. Your eyes are red too, like you’ve been crying. His brows furrow in concern.

“Dean, what’re you doing here?” you ask.

“I need to talk to you, but uh…did something happen?” he asks. “You okay?”

You’re reluctant to tell him. Did Benny say something to upset you? Or was it something he did?

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say.

Instinctively, Dean knows it’s a lie.

“This isn’t a good time though,” you say, after clearing your throat. “Can we do this tomorrow, maybe?”

Dean leans a hand on the doorframe.

“Please, it’s important,” he says. His eyes implore you harder than his words. Please.

That does it. A sigh passes through your lips, but you let him in. He knows Robbie is with your parents for the night, which actually makes this easier.

Once he steps inside the apartment, Dean does notice that your bedroom door is open. Half the drawers to your dresser are open too, and empty. Certain frames that used to be on your coffee table are no longer there, like the one of you, Benny, and Robbie on a camping trip. 

“You want some coffee, or soda?” you ask. 

Dean declines and grasps your arm before you can busy yourself into “hostess” mode. He leads you to the couch, where you both sit down together.

“What happened tonight?” he asks. “Where’s Benny?”

Your lower lip wobbles, the beginning of your telltale cry face. Dean knows his son gets it from you, and it always breaks his heart. He squeezes your arm gently, trying to ground you.

“Benny proposed to me tonight,” you confess, taking in a sharp breath. “He proposed, and I couldn’t give him an answer.” 

You shake your head as the tears sting hot in your eyes. 

“He got so upset, he just—he left!” You throw your hands up. “But honestly, I don’t blame him.”

Dean tries to comfort you as you try and fail to wipe at your face. He wraps an arm around your shoulders, cupping your cheek to brush the tears away himself. 

“Why couldn’t you answer him?” he asks. 

You look up at Dean, and you finally notice the shine of hope in his eyes. Dean touches your cheek more tenderly. 

“Does it mean I have a chance here?” he asks.

Despite what your eyes tell you, you still gape at him in shock. “What? But…what about Lisa?”

“It’s over. For good this time,” Dean shakes his head. “I realized what I wanted for my life, and where my heart is…”

And he chuckles weakly. “Truth is, you’ve had it the whole time, sweetheart.”

You begin to crumble all over again. You pull away from him and his touch, because you can’t believe it. You cover your face with your hands, sniffling as you try to make sense of his words, his touch, and the warm flutter threatening to brim happiness in your heart.

“God, Dean. You can't just..."

"I mean it," he insists.

You're still reluctant to take him seriously...no matter how much you want to. It's a conflicting realization that hurts, and makes you feel stupid for taking so long to figure it out, and makes you hate yourself for hoping his words are true.

"Come the morning, you’re going to change your mind,” you reason, without looking at him. “Like you’ve done with Lisa a thousand times.”

“No,” Dean says firmly. He shifts closer and prompts you to look at him, really look at him.

“Not about this, and you know it,” he says, catching and holding your gaze. “That’s why you couldn’t say yes to Benny. Because you know what we’ve got. It’s the real deal.”

You still look uncertain, even though you can’t bring yourself to pull away this time. Dean has always had this way of looking into the very depths of you, like he can actually see every thought as it passes through your mind.  

“I should’ve said yes,” you say. “I can rely on Benny. I know he would stay by my side, and…and I know he won’t hurt me.”

Not like I’ve just hurt him, you think. Guilt still pricks at your heart. The last thing you ever wanted to do was lead him on, and yet, that’s what you’d done, wasn’t it? You thought you had loved him. You’re sure that you did, but maybe it just wasn’t the kind of love that could reach down deep and grab you, set your blood on fire, and make you ache when the burn was gone.

That spark licks across your skin when Dean takes your hands.  

“What if I want to be that guy for you,” he says.

You allow yourself to look at him. Really look at him.

You know Dean. When he gets an idea in his head, it inhabits every bone and shred of muscle in his body. There’s no mistaking his resolve, or the steady grip of his hands over yours.

“If you let me, I’ll stay. I won’t leave you,” he says. In his eyes, there’s a firm promise. “I can be the guy you rely on. The man you can trust. The man who’s gonna love you, come whatever. Because now I know what it means. I know how it feels.”

You bite your lower lip against the smile that wants to surface.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

Dean smiles for you. “If you wanna know the truth, I’m pretty sure I’ve been loving you since the day I heard Robbie’s heartbeat for the first time.” 

Your tears flow harder at that. A shaky breath escapes you, though it does nothing to steady you. Dean strokes your cheek gently with his thumb. 

“Please, just give me this one chance,” he asks. Begs, really. 

He doesn’t have to though. You nod, just a little. 

“Okay,” you agree. “Let’s try.”

Dean's smile spreads slow, but warm across his face. It’s your favorite kind, the kind that crinkles his eyes. 

He leans in and claims your lips with his own. The passion of it is familiar, but you don't think it’s the same as five years ago. Now, there’s an underlying note of tenderness in his touch and each new way he tastes you deeper. He holds nothing back this time, and neither do you. 

Your fingers tangle in his shirt, and then in his hair as you moan into his mouth. “Dean.”

“Yeah, sweetheart?” he answers against your lips, though he doesn’t give you much room to keep talking.

You haven’t heard him call you sweetheart in a long time. You feel your heart knitting back together, stitch by stitch. Tears sting in your eyes anew, but you squeeze your eyes shut against them.

“I…”

You can’t even continue the breathless thought. You hold his face desperately between your hands, pressing your forehead to his for a moment as you both catch your breath. But this man is like the sweetest, most seductive vice. Now that you’ve gotten another hit, you can’t resist. You no longer want to.

His arms wrap around you more securely, and he leans in to lure you back into his kiss. His tongue breaches past your lips to curl along yours with tantalizing strokes. His hands slowly move down your back and along your waist.

“Mmm, missed the hell outta this,” he groans into your mouth. Your heart flutters again at the way he holds you, the way his big hands squeeze you and feel you.

You let him guide you down onto the sofa cushions. He slots himself between your bare thighs and runs his hand up familiar smooth skin, bunching the skirt of your dress higher as he goes. He aims to get himself reacquainted with every soft part of you that welcomes him back.

For once, the gates around your hearts swing free. 

Dean never imagined that his own son would hand him the ring he gives to his wife, but today, it just feels like symmetry. He grins and winks at Robbie.

“Thanks, buddy,” Dean says.

His son’s beaming grin is wide and toothy, but the boy takes his job very seriously and delivers the other ring to you. You smile brightly and caress his cheek after you take the shining, white gold band from him. It matches the thinner band that Dean has for you; it'll soon join the engagement ring that once belonged to his mother.

Robbie had liked Benny a lot, but he loves his dad. He’s probably the happiest person in the room to see his parents take each other’s hands in front of the minister. 

Benny is understandably absent in the chapel today. You had met with him after that night of your botched anniversary to apologize to him, and so had Dean. Benny understood. He’d admitted that in the back of his mind, he feared this might happen.

“I wouldn’t blame you for being angry with me,” you said to him. “You can even hate me if you want.” Benny gave you a wry, melancholy sort of smile. “Part of me’s still mad at you, I won’t lie…but there’s no use in it. Not even hating you.”

Even though Benny bowed out, carrying his hurt and his grief on those broad shoulders, letting you go meant letting go of a friend too. He put in his paperwork to transfer out of Firehouse 83.

As he’d told Dean himself that day, and in fact, the last words Benny said to him…

“There you go, Lieutenant. A spot’s just opened up.”

Dean didn’t want to get promoted this way. He felt guilty enough as it was, and not just for Benny leaving the firehouse. Benny recommended Dean to the Chief himself though, saying that if they were going to give someone a Lieutenant’s badge, it may as well be the guy who got a perfect score on his test, and had the natural leadership skills to boot.

To the end, Benny was a gentleman.

Now, Sam beckons his nephew over. Robbie quickly goes to his uncle’s side and puffs his little chest out as he stands proud behind his dad. 

Dean is able to take you in, your beautiful white dress, and everything about you that makes him smile…including the way you smile back at him.

Man and wife is all he hears. It’s all he needs to hear, before he’s pulling you closer by your newly anointed hand. He dips you for a thorough kiss in front of all your family and friends. 

You squeal in surprise, making Dean smile hard enough for his cheeks to hurt. Giggling hard enough to make you tremble, you raise a hand to caress his cheek. But you give him another real kiss after he guides you back up to your feet.

“I love you,” you whisper against his lips. The words are just for him to hear. Dean pulls back enough to see the truth shining in your eyes. Beautiful.

“Can’t help it, right?” he teases. 

You smile in amusement, but you grab his chin and shake it. 

“You got me,” you reply. “I really, really can’t.”

Your beaming smile softens. Even though the entire room is clapping and hooting and hollering in celebration, in that moment, all you really see is Dean. 

Here in his arms, you know that this is where you were meant to end up. From now on, it’s where you’re meant to be.

AN: From Lisa and Benny to Robbie and everything in between. Dean and the reader certainly aren't perfect in this, but what do you think about how their story unfolded? I truly hope you guys enjoy this one, because I've had so much fun with it. 🥰❤️❤️‍🔥

So please let me know what you thought! 😘

⋆˙⟡ Keep Reading: The Epilogue

"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can't help falling in love with you?"

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[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

fang do you maybe...ahaha...wanna talk more about divorce and geto...

there are like 3 asks in my inbox about this concept im kind of surprised but ofc i can elaborate.

cw ;; you and getou have daughters, a bit angsty, not rlly smutty LMAO sorry guys just wasn't what i had in mind, 18+

i think you and getou probably have a bit of a toxic relationship. not in the sense that it's like super actively harmful or aggressive, but i think getou's kinda nonchalant attitude becomes really, really damaging for your self-esteem after you get married. it was fine when you were younger, because you were less busy and you didn't need as much reassurance on the romantic aspect. relationships are work afterall.

but now you both have kids and while getou does his share, while you're still married - he doesn't seem to really respect you or your effort. he's not incompetent though, he's actually a very good dad to your two little girls and a otherwise a very responsible person. does the dishes and chores, helps with important things.

for a long time, you don't really want to get a divorce because you didn't think it's anything to be upset over. it's only after shoko very helpfully points out that he's simply doing what he has to do and that most men are just kind of terrible. and it dawns on you that she's right. you're grateful getou is a good dad and even better a good roomate, but that doesn't mean you have to stay in your relationship.

because while you're married, he doesn't seem like he's paying much attention. so you think on it for a while, and then ask for an amicably divorce and to coparent to the best of your ability. of course it hurts, but you think it'd be best. that helps you swallow the pain.

when you bring it up, you're kind of expecting him to be completely fine with it. you've been thinking about it forever now. getou doesn't show any signs of romantic affection for you, and that stuff is pretty common. you're better off friends than lovers. you can't really remember the last time you had sex or even kissed in a very intimate way and when you tried before it tended to be brushed off.

but when you do bring up the divorce... he looks sad? and that's confusing for you. he looks almost angry, and is silent for a long time. it's very unusual. because getou is so.. non chalant all the time. he was so bored, he always looks bored.

"is this what you want?"

"...yes? we'd still coparent and have equal custody, you're a good dad. but i mean, there's nothing between us right? it's okay to say you don't love me anymore,"

and he grits his teeth and sort of looks away

"right. right, that's how it is. okay. we should talk more in the morning,"

it's weird. he's weird for the weeks leading up to when it's finalized. you can't wrap your head around his reasoning at all. it's not like you feel no guilt, but you think staying together for your kids when the two of you are so unhappy isn't gonna be worth it regardless. they're not clueless either and you were careful to explain that it wasn't their fault. that you were still good friends with their dad.

and you can raise happy kids while not being together. it's all stuff you thought about plenty before bringing it up, because you don't just have you to worry about. you had considered everything. except for getous strange reaction to your suggestion. his dejected, angry expression. how he all of a sudden kissed your forehead at breakfast and look at you for the next few weeks.

when the divorce was finalized a few months later, you moved close by so that your kids wouldn't have to haul their stuff back and forth. and other than the obvious - you still saw them often and spent time as a family where you could

getou was odd. he was touchier. he seemed to cling to more when he hadn't before. you didn't really push him away, but you didn't embrace him either. it was so offputting, you just didn't think about it until you saw him - and each time he'd so eagerly hold onto you like it was natural and normal.

at first, you thought he was doing it for your daughters. you figured maybe they would feel more at ease. but he didn't do around them, he only did around you.

and one night, he shows up at your place. the both of you needed a break, so the kids were with friends. you were drinking wine and watching some movie and the doorbell rings.

there you find getou, who seems a little tipsy. he reminds you a little of when you were dating in college, bac when he would show up to your dorms and drunkenly take up space in your bed.

it makes you a little nostalgic, so many years later, to see him like that. he has more lines on his face, more handsome. his hair is still long though.

"hey,"

"...hey. what are you doing here?"

he reaches his hand out, cupping your cheek. they're still big, still warm. familiar. he rubs his thumb along your cheek.

"just wanted to see you,"

you scoff a little, but don't push him away.

"you saw me yesterday when you were dropping the girls off,"

he laughs a little.

"i know, i know. but i wanted to see you. just you,"

"you know, you've been acting real weird since this all started,"

he gets a little close to you, and you feel your heart in your throat. the tv light makes shadows on his face. he looks blue.

"have i? how so?"

"you act like you still have feelings for me," you scoff, hands on his chest but still not pushing him "if you just wanna hookup, there are plenty of-"

"that's not why im here, though." he smiles at you "not that that'd be bad either,"

"then why? why do you keep acting like this,"

"i miss you. i want you back. im sorry. what else would it be?"

he leans in to kiss you and you don't refuse him. he does it the way you like, like he knows your body completely. it's warm, and soft, just right. perfect. you cling to the front of his shirt, and he hums.

"you're too late for that," you say. he shakes his head, pressing his lips to your forehead "you couldn't have done this before?"

"i didn't realize. im sorry, swear. i can make it up to you," his throat is hoarse. he makes you wanna believe him "let me in. ill show you. i still want you,"

you frown.

"i thought you weren't here for a hookup," you huff. he laughs.

"what better way is there for me to show you?"

you let him in against your better judgement.