#don’t get me wrong I FREAKING LOVE EPIC

[greekmythcomix]

Ok but if the Vengeance Saga is BEFORE he gets home then what is the final (final?) Saga where he takes, you know, VENGEANCE on all the Suitors going to be called?

[snugg-bugg]

I love the Vengeance saga sm….

so here are my thoughts

NOT SORRY FOR LOVING YOU:

This was SO pretty. Wangui has such a beautiful voice and she added so much depth to the character. But i still HATE Calypso. They could never make me like you Calypso. I liked How Jorge really made her seem like she just never learned how it was wrong to expect love in return regardless of circumstance. Especially the part “Was cast away when I was young

Alone for a hundred years

I had no friends but the sky and sun

So when you washed ashore

I thought for sure that you were my dream come true”

It really did a good job at showing she never learned because she never got a chance to learn these things.

DANGEROUS:

HECK YES HERMES!!! He was so so iconic and I loved how we was just partying while Ody was fighting for his life. My favorite part was defined the Wing Bag. Especially the winions. The melodies just seemed so much darker and serious then the playful tone of Keep Your Friends Close. I also loved the Athena reference at the end. I honestly hope Odysseus doesn’t learn it was her, it would make it so much more tragic.

CHARYBDIS:

This was the song I was looking forward to the most and I was not let down! The musical storytelling was so so good! Everything about it that I imagined is practically exactly what was on the animatic. Also extra points to part of it being done by @anniflamma (i’m not even gonna try to lie, Anni is my favorite Epic Animator) I LOVED the final verse. It was so pretty and Jorge portrayed the Longing of Odysseus SO WELL. I also adored the expectation diversion leading into…

GET IN THE WATER:

First off the Intrumentals starting the song were BEAUTIFUL!!! The piano was so striking and i loved it! Steven Rodriguez is genuinely PERFECT for Poseidon. I’m not gonna lie Poseidon is my favorite Greek God(Blame PJO) and Ruthlessness is actually the song that got me into EPIC. So it was amazing to hear him again. My Blood ran cold during the “Ruthlessness… Is Mercy Upon… Ourselves” part and I loved the overlapping vocals of the “Die”. And because it’s a bossfight it just has to end with making me cry. The “spirits” of Odysseus’s comrades was so pretty and I think it was my favorite(besides love in paradise ofc) of the “Heartbreaking remembering comrades” moments.

600 STRIKE!!!

1st of holy shit the Wind bag is such a cool Bossfight instrumental. It was so freaking cool(I love all the Wind parts in EPIC). I was a little disappointed by the Visuals, no disrespect to the artist at all! But i just thought the 3d was a little jarring. I truthfully think it would have been a little better if it was 2d. Enough of visual art talk though MUSICAL art talk time! I LOVED the chanting throughout the first-half. It was such a great(I think) wrap up to the Crews story and it also sounded awesome.

600 STRIKE: PART 2(that part)

Steven Rodriguez’s voice is really hot. I just had to get that out of the way. But in all seriousness this is my favorite moment of the Saga. I don’t think 600 strike was my favorite song, that title goes to Get in the Water, but 600 strike is a close 2nd solely based on the epicness of this moment. The way my heart just stopped when Odysseus said “Exactly” was just something I’ll never get over. Also I’m weird and i loved hearing Poseidon in pain.(I like my fav. characters to suffer). Also the overlapping vocals(can i even call poseidon’s part vocals it’s just him screaming in pain) was PHENOMENAL! I especially loved the 2nd “OOoohhhh” I saw someone say that Poseidon likely regenerated around the trident before it was pulled out and that’s engraved in my brain now.

And hot Take.

I think that Poseidon was actually ASKING Odysseus how he sleeps at night. During Monster Ody says “Is he scared that he’s doing something wrong” and I actually think Ody was right. Poseidon’s “I can’t” during Get In The Water seems genuine. I don’t know if it was because He literally couldn’t forgive Ody because of what Ody did, or if He’s is actually just trying to “keep us in check so we respect him, and now no one dares piss him off”. This may just be me over-analyzing/trying to sympathize my fav character but does Poseidon actually wonder if he’s doing something wrong.

And Finally, NEXT TO MY WIFE was actually so FRAKING cold. If someone said that to me i’d be devastated.

Ultimately the Vengeance saga was probably my 2nd favorite saga(after wisdom i just adore god games) Jorge did an AMAZING job with it and I’m so excited to see how much more a monster rawr rawr rawr Ody becomes.

I hope you enjoy my thoughts (:

[numberonestuckyshipper]

Don’t get me wrong; I freaking Love Epic the musical and it’s Odysseus and Odypen and all that

But I also love how in one of my fav book series, he’s such an ass that even Athena just can’t stand him from the start, she just needs him for.. something…. And he basically has a statue in his ship that Athena needs delivered to Circe asap, then she leaves him so the other gods don’t get suspicious of her stalking that one mortal, only to come back and find that the fucker ignored her instructions and pretty much went straight home.

So she was like ‘Nuh uh’ and created a storm to send him to Aeaea, a… few people died in the process (Odysseus was scared shitless for selfish coward reasons) and he gives the statue to Circe so she can do her part

Odysseus stays on Aeaea, sleeps with Circe, (she liked the sex but was so done with him)

And when Odysseus (finally) leaves Aeaea, Athena comes by to check on Circe to see how her statue is doing and how long it will take for Circe to do her job, asks about Odysseus etc, Circe tells her that he was so nosy and annoying that she took the liberty to send him to the underworld for shits and giggles, and that she had obviously taken the time to look all goddess like and prophetic to tell him it would be his next destination

And that she had had fun watching him bawl his eyes out for a few hours before telling the asshole that he didn’t have to die and that she would give him directions. And basically Athena and Circe bonding over watching that selfish lying fucker suffer :))

[patolemus]

Wip (not) Wednesday

thank you @dontcallpanic for tagging me!! once again i am not doing this on wednesday lol. i unfortunately don’t have anything new from my time travel au because uni is kicking my ass right now and stiles is being unsurprisingly uncooperative but i know how much you love my demon!stiles au so… surprise?

Stiles loves dead bodies.

Okay, that sounds wrong. Stiles doesn’t love dead bodies, because he’s a demon, not a sociopath, and he actually does feel bad when people die. But dead bodies found in suspicious manners usually mean a murderer, and a murderer means a mystery. And Stiles oh so loves his mysteries.

Would he like for his mysteries to be murder-free? Oh, absolutely. Stiles is an asshole, pretty ruthless and more cruel than he probably should be—given the position of power he finds himself in as part of the problem-solving team in this town—but it’s not like he wants for people to die. It’s just that no one ever listens to him until they have a body.

So even if he feels bad about it, he can’t help the small thrill that runs up his spine when his stolen police scanner picks up an 187 alert. He’d been getting a feeling that something was going on lately—because honestly? Something is always going on in Beacon Hills, so when things are quiet for more than a couple of months, Stiles starts preparing for an epic smack down of apocalyptic proportions in his near future. And now that they finally have a dead body, the rest of the pack can’t chalk up his intuition as paranoia anymore.

Someday, he’ll get them to listen to him without question. But today is not that day, so he’ll have to make do with a dead body in the preserve, because it’s always a dead body in the preserve. One would think this town would have learned to leave the woods alone at this point.

Then again, they’d probably have to close the high school, too. And the hospital. And the Sheriff’s station.

And Derek’s loft.

So they get a lot of dead people in their sleepy cursed town. So what? It’s not their fault that there is an evil magic tree that attracts back luck and malicious intent like it’s going out of style.

this can either be the best idea i’ve ever had or completely blow up in my face. expect me in your dms freaking out about this at some point. no pressure tags for @kittykatstiles @fuji09 @oldefashioned (for when you're feeling up to it and only if you want to!!) @dear-massacre @hedwig221b @salty-fryingpan @novasillies and of course @dontcallpanic again, let's keep the cycle going! sorry y'all that i tagged again feel free to ignore me lol. and of course whoever wants to do it, got for it!

[scrambledd3ggss]

okay so here are my thoughts on the Ithaca saga! I would’ve made this post earlier but I fell asleep watching the cast play mafia on TikTok live lmfao 😭, anyway here we go!

(please forgive any spelling answers- I wrote this as I was listening the first time and am too lazy to check that I spelt everything right)

Challenge: 

oh em gee Anna’s voice?? It’s so clear and sorrowful and beautiful

I really love this song, Penelope we’ve missed you

The good news is I know all the lyrics to this song already 😼

Fav lyric-“ though I’d never thought this would be the lengths we’d go for love, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Fuck this song is so sweet/sad 

new audition song just dropped 😼

hold them down

RAHHHH

why’s he sound so sassy/j (love you Ayron)

SIDE NOTE I LOVE WHEN AYRON GETS RASPY

Antinous when I find your ass.

I hate how this song is so catchy 😔

I’m expecting some good animations

YES GET MIRKED BITCHHH

Odysseus 

omg Ody’s monster song

Okay everyone stay calm

“Worst of all I hear you dare to touch my wife and hurt my boy. I have had enough.” WHATTTTGGGSHHSHSHS

ARE THE CHANTING VOICES SAYING ODYSSEUS???

get their asses Ody

Never before have I rooted for this much death before

“Let’s have open arms instead!” “…no” WE LOST HIM ☹️

TELEMACHUS

OH MY FUCKKKKK

bro I love mico’s voice

TELEMACHUS AND ODYSSEUS BEST DUO???

(Telemachus’s part may very well be my favorite part of this song?)

NO GET OFF TELEMACHUS 😨

Odysseus 😨

wow this saga is much darker, definitely recommend listening to jay’s TW (for things like violence that you can hear very clearly and sa specifically but I’m sure people have posted about more things to look out for)

I cant help but Wonder

don’t make me cry/emotional

Telemachus’s verse oh my godddd 😭😭😭

“Oh my boy look how much you’ve grown” take the knife out of my chest please

I know most of these lyrics so far as well!!

“MY SON IM FINALLY HOME!” HES HOME GUYS

HE DID IT

HES HOME!!!

FUCK ATHENA AND ODY REUNITE??

DONT MAKE ME CRY RIGHT NOW

“I can’t help but feel Ive led you astray” goodnight.

“There’s a girl I have to see” LIKE THEYRE KIDS AGAIN OH MY GOD 😨☹️

Would you fall in love with me again

YES YOUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED

“Your eyes look tired, your frame looks lighter” sigh ☹️

“I am not the man you fell in love with” SIGH ☹️☹️

OF COURSE SHE WILL FALL IN LOVE AGAIN

oh my god he’s confessing his wrong doings to her 😟 

I FORGOT HE DOESNT LOOK THE SAME PLEASE 😭

“I will fall in love with you again” this whole part is actually gonna make me crash out ☹️☹️😟😭

THEY BOTH SOIND SO DESPERATE FOR EACH OTHER

I feel like I should count the ending music as it’s own song

I mean it’s as powerful to me

Ending the ENTIRE MUSICAL WITH I love you

Don’t make me crash out rn

Epic has been one of the best things in my life and will continue to be so (seriously- when I have a shit day I just put in my earbuds and imagine how the songs would look as my own animations lol). It’s truly a magical thing that Jorge and the entire Epic crew (cast, crew, animators) have created and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. So while I know they probably won’t see this, thank you. Thank you all so much. I am forever grateful to you and so freaking HYPED to see what Epic turns into next.

lots of love, Ruby :) <3

[dynasty889]

Please post I have shitty wifi rn:

Uhhhh guys I fear I may need Steven Rodriguez in an anime now.

So just a quick preface, something I’ve started noticing about like my reception to the sagas is that I have to listen to them repeatedly for me to visualize the songs and understand why Jorge chose to include what he included, which is why I took a bit longer to write my thoughts. The only exception is Thunder Saga which I liked immediately.

I wasn’t freaking out like was at the end of the Wisdom Saga, but that doesn’t mean it was bad (I didn’t like God Games but it still blew me away - of course now I do). But I just kind of took it in silently this time?

Anyway, right now my favorite song is definitely Not Sorry for Loving You. Wangui’s voice is just amazing. I also really liked Gigi’s animatic. I know we’re not supposed to feel bad for Calypso, but man is Gigi making it hard. I have so many thoughts about how Jorge characterized Calypso and I just wish I knew how to properly write it down. But it always feels like it ends up being a defense essay lmao (I’m not defending her I’m just saying she’s portrayed sympathetically in EPIC and that we need to acknowledge Calypso in the Odyssey is very different than the one we got in EPIC).

I think Dangerous might be my next favorite. I also require a plushie of that winion Jay’s sister voiced. And the twerking winion. I did not expect Aeolus to get an indirect callback and I loved all the motifs in the later songs (whoops no longer talking about Dangerous). Definitely a vibe. But, Ody, my man, danger is definitely not your friend. The only other thing that isn’t your friend is your hubris (cough cyclops saga cough).

I think Six Hundred Strike tops Get in the Water just a tiny bit. I love Aeolus’ motif in the beginning and the ensemble voices. Also that 3D animation—WHAT?! Where does he find these people?! I’ll admit, I am a little disappointed how easily Poseidon was beaten. I know Jay said he’s better at long ranged but I still think it should’ve taken a little more. I am glad that Odysseus at least kind of acknowledges he was selfish but ehh I’m still gathering my thoughts on Odysseus. But y’all, Steven needs to star in an anime. His acting was fucking awesome. “Next to my wife…” fucking badass.

Get in the Water was also cool. Even after all this time, Odysseus still seems to struggle with ruthlessness. He tries to talk down Poseidon from fighting. I don’t really know how to explain it. And of course, Jay just HAD to bring back Polites, Eurylochus, Anticlea, and also the crew. Will we ever be free from the trauma???

Charybdis was also cool but because Charybdis doesn’t sing, it’s a little weird. Like it just seems like Odysseus is shouting out stuff. But I think the orchestration alone manages to cover for it. Like you can hear the intensity of the battle in the music even if Charybdis doesn’t sing. I think the way he transitioned from action to Odysseus’ longing was also pretty well done.

Also:

That’s like the peak of how many people were on the livestream. Act I ended with like 135,000 I think? Could be wrong, wasn’t checking every minute

[vvatchword]

Paradise Lost, Book 2 (Non-Zoot Edition): Sin Addresses Satan; Satan Allies with Chaos

<- Part 2 || Back to the Beginning || Part 4 ->

I'm not zooted for this one, I just want to talk about it.

Keep in mind this is flow-of-consciousness, so I write down exactly what I think, and then later I sometimes discover i am wrong roflll

“O Father, what intends thy hand,” she cried, Against thy only Son? What fury O Son, Possesses thee to bend that mortal Dart Against thy Father’s head? And know’st for whom; For him who sits above and laughs the while At thee ordain’d his drudge, to execute What e’er his wrath, which he calls Justice, bids, His wrath which one day will destroy ye both.”

“To execute/what e’er his wrath, which he calls Justice” is a metal line and she IS NOT LYING

I am continually struck by how all of these characters have not only acknowledged that God cannot be defeated, they’ve always known God couldn’t be defeated. They still fought him anyway. If I were reading this in a less fantastic setting, I would be like: “M-hmm I feel like a few important documents are missing.”

Another interesting trait: all of these characters know the future. Sometimes it’s awkward—for example, they spend most of Book 2 trying to figure out what to do after falling from heaven, then wax eloquent about events that haven’t happened yet.

It’s hard to know how much was intentional here, and how much was just done in the spirit of the thing, but you know that saying: “With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day”? (2 Peter 3:8) It’s like these characters are not only devil-and-angel at once, but also every form of themselves from beginning to end. They haven’t yet committed horrors on the human race, but they also have. (This is not free will.)

This book makes constant asides as to God’s greatness. Everybody stops to talk him up—and by “everybody,” I mean “every single devil who gets a speech.” We haven’t had a single “good guy” yet: the only glory given to God that has been from a non-devil is Milton himself. While speaking of God, the devils’ tones rarely feel sullen or angry; instead, they feel very rote and matter-of-fact, as though they’re reading lines out of an encyclopedia. This is just the way the world is, and all the characters accept what is natural.

That’s dissonant on multiple levels. First, these devils literally JUST tried to overthrow Heaven (aka the ideal version of the world, the world-as-it-should-be). Second, given how absolutely broken the devils sound when they give their speeches—the ways they attempt to soothe themselves and comprehend their failure, added to their sudden comprehension of time (did eternity need to be invoked in heaven or Paradise until the birth of pain?)—these acknowledgments of God’s superiority ring false, like another scribe popped in and wrote BUT DON’T WORRY—

I’m trying to figure out Milton’s motivations here. Did he want to reassure the reader, the publisher, a religious authority, or himself? Keep in mind this was published back in a day where “freedom of expression” was not a thing.

By invoking the importance of the monarchy over and over, this may be Milton's attempt to say: "Mr. King sir, this is not supposed to be a story about your overthrow. Please do not kill me."

I’ve also started wondering about the political realities of when this was published. This feels extremely Protestant. Hey Wikipedia whaddaya say

[Milton scholar John] Leonard speculates that the English Civil War interrupted Milton's earliest attempts to start his “epic [poem] that would encompass all space and time”.

YEAH THERE IT IS

This book was published in 1667… by Peter Parker. Aw yeah :) With great power comes great abuse :))))

I also didn’t know Milton was freaking blind! You know, that fits; the story’s rhythm begs to be read out loud. I love the imagery that painters came up with: Milton dictating Paradise Lost to his daughters. I don’t know that this actually happened, but it’s kinda cool. Sounds like a callback to Homer so I’m a little wary—you know how people are.

Milton Dictating to His Daughter, Henry Fuseli (1794)

I bet this is exactly how he looked too.

HEEEGUUUGGHRRRHHHHH

Also, I just discovered that CS Lewis wrote a preface to Paradise Lost. I adored him as a child. I’m definitely reading that at some point.

Anyway, want to go back to reading Paradise Lost? I DO. Remember where we were? The snake-assed lady whose vagine is a Cerberi doghouse? Well, the devil asks who she and this Dart-wielding shade are…

Without research, I’m guessing the “dart” is a spear. The other option is an arrow, which sounds significantly less dangerous, and no bow is mentioned. I mean, you can still stab someone to death with an arrow, it just seems kinda silly. It’s like running at someone and jamming a bullet into their eye.

Of course, it may be meant to be an arrow. There’s a famous image in Revelations I can’t stop thinking about: the white horseman (commonly interpreted as Jesus—Revelation 6:2) comes out with a bow, but no arrows or quiver.

Holy shit, if you put Jesus and Death together you get a bow and an arrow and the arrow is death

I’m just kidding please ignore everything I say

[The devil asks: who the fuck are you guys and why are you calling me father?] T’ whom thus the Portress of Hell Gate reply’d: “Hast thou forgot me then, and do I seem Now in thine eye so foul, once deem’d so fair In Heav’n, when at th’ Assembly, and in sight Of all the Seraphim with thee combin’d In bold conspiracy against Heav’n’s King, All on a sudden miserable pain Surpris’d thee, dim thine eyes, and dizzy swum In darkness, while thy head flames thick and fast Threw forth, ’til on the left side op’ning wide, Likest to thee in shape and count’nance bright, Then shining heav’nly fair, a Goddess arm’d Out of thy head I sprung: amazement seiz’d All th’ Host of Heav’n; back they recoil’d afraid At first, and call’d me Sin, and for a Sign Portentous held me…

Suddenly, allegory!

I’ve been researching allegory lately—not well, and piecemeal—but I’ve been interested in its function, as well as what makes a good allegory and what makes a bad one. Now, before this point, I would have said that an allegory encloses the entire narrative, not just a part of it. But here we have traditional characters (Satan, Beelzebub, etc), all of whom Milton intended as representations of real spiritual beings, and all of a sudden: the allegorical representations of Sin and Death. They are not just characters, they are concepts—and yet I’d say they belong here. I feel like I can almost put a finger on why…

Was Milton a Biblical literalist? I really don’t know. There are most likely cultural and historical differences I’m missing here. I’m sure that, if Milton were a literalist, it would not be like that of the evangelicals we see today. Evangelical literalism is a particularly stupid, flat kind, and I’m not sure it was that simple back in 1660s England.

Another neat little factoid: a lot of Paradise Lost heralds back to the epic poetry of the Greeks and Romans, right? Who else sprang fully-formed from a forehead? Athena from Zeus! So this is a great callback and recontextualizing of an old myth, setting Lucifer on par with The Rapist King.

One big theme of Book 1’s was that all the other gods of the world are demons—every one of them. So Sin popping out, appearing godlike—for a moment, just like Satan himself—is a hell of a backslap. Athena was a virgin god of wisdom. You’re about to see what happens to Sin (hint: she’s a ho)

I suppose it is also possible that this is an attempt of Milton’s to represent an evolution of theology. Speaking of CS Lewis: Lewis believed that all Classical myth was composed of spiritual half-truths—like the ancient pagan faiths of the improperly-godded Classical peoples were reaching for that absolute truth of Christ, and were unable to because he hadn’t been born yet. According to Lewis, all these old faiths would ultimately be brought together under the umbrella of the Christian God’s single one. It’s one reason why Chronicles of Narnia is full of mythological beasts particular to the Greeks and Romans.

What do you mean, “what about the Jews? Weren’t the Jews around in ancient Rome? And at the time of ancient Greece for that matter?” Girl I don’t remember it’s been a minute and this is just me talking shit into the ether and I’m not even zooted right now

“…but familiar grown, I pleas’d, and with attractive graces won The most averse, thee chiefly, who full oft Thyself in me thy perfect image viewing Becam’st enamour’d, and such joy thou took’st With me in secret, that my womb conceiv’d A growing burden.

“Proshippers DNI/Sinatan shippers DNI”

Can we please appreciate “my womb conceiv’d/a growing burden.” That’s so pretty.

“Meanwhile War arose, And fields were fought in Heav’n; wherein remain’d (For what could else) to our Almighty Foe Clear Victory, to our part loss and rout Through all the Empyrean…

Back to the devil and his minions throwing in little asides about how great God is. Does this feel weird to you, too? It’s disingenuous. Every time you’re just about to accept the demons and hell-born as characters with full interior worlds, they give up on themselves. Characters should be selfish, self-oriented, self-protective. These characters keep stopping to bare their throats.

So why did these demons turn against God if they knew they were going to fail?

I mention this because Paradise Lost waffles about “free will” a lot. At first, I thought the devil mentioned “free choice” because “choice” was an inherently fallen concept, but then I remembered that Adam has a whole conversation with an angel and “free will” is uttered as a benefit.

Here’s a fun verse—one of many, they’re everywhere—that Milton was probably trying to invoke:

The Lord has made everything for its own purpose, even the wicked for the day of evil. Proverbs 16:4

That’s very cool. thanks God. Hey free will isn’t free if you brutally punish anyone who sticks a toe out of your arbitrary line you fucking asshole

“…down they fell Driv’n headlong from the Pitch of Heaven, down Into this Deep…

If you repeat this line out loud, it will heal you of all wounds. How do poets talk about this shit properly? I don’t have the language to describe why it’s good. It hurts, it’s so tasty. I started salivating like this was a delicious cookie. That delicious alliteration. Those hard d’s. HEA(D)long, then HEA(V)en. Soft f’s (fell, from). “Driv’n”, then “Heaven.” “Down” repeated twice, both times beginning a phrase. Long phrase, short phrase—the long fall, the hard stop; hard “d” to soft “v.” You can feel the drop.

I don’t know how to explain this so say it out loud ok

“…and in the general fall I also; at which time this powerful Key Into my hand was giv’n, with charge to keep These Gates for ever shut, which none can pass Without my op’ning.”

A woman who is also an opening. That’s really neat. Oh shit Jesus knocks down the gates of hell, right? Does this imply yet more rape or… yeeeeahhhhhh

Again, I’m struck by how the wicked are the tools of God as soon as the angels are. Why does Sin have to keep this key? What stops her from tossing that shit away? What stops her from opening the gates of Hell and leaving?

The glib answer is, “God does.” However, this wouldn’t be completely fair to say. Allegorical limitations apply here: Sin is not a full character.

Now, as Sin is a concept in this case, it’s like she’s transformed Satan into an allegorical concept by proxy: only by Sin might we allow Satan in. Nice.

It’s like… a tiny allegorical universe for a moment. A wee allegorical nugget.

“Pensive here I sat Alone, but long I sat not, ’til my womb Pregnant by thee, and now excessive grown Prodigious motion felt and rueful throes.

No. No I hate this. Stop

“At last this odious offspring whom thou seest Thine own begotten, breaking violent way Tore through my entrails…

remember Alien? Unfortunate

“…that with fear and pain Distorted, all my nether shape thus grew Transform’d: but he my inbred enemy…

I know we’re very grossed out but can we appreciate this use of the word “inbred” for a moment

“Forth issu’d, brandishing his fatal Dart Made to destroy: I fled, and cri’d out ‘Death’; Hell trembl’d at the hideous Name, and sigh’d From all her Caves, and back resounded ‘Death.’

Remember the “execrable shape” and the “miscreated Front”? I laughed about it, but Milton was being literal: what else could the devil say about Death? Death is a haze without meaningful form. Death can take whatever form he needs to do what he must. And, in this case, Death is greater than his father. He’s an anti-Jesus.

I also love the use of echo. The feeling of resignation and acceptance… just mwah, mwah.

“I fled, but he pursu’d (though more, it seems, Inflam’d with lust than rage) and swifter far, Me overtook—his mother!—all dismayed, And in embraces forcible and foul Engend’ring with me, of that rape begot These yelling Monsters that with ceaseless cry Surround me, as thou sawst, hourly conceiv’d And hourly born…”

Oh no. Oh no no no. Noooooo

So for the record, this is Death repeatedly raping Sin, who then gives birth to dogs on the hour, every hour, for the rest of eternity. Why dogs? Because nobody wants that.

Let’s take a step back from the allegory for a second, because we can. What did Sin do that was wrong? She was literally formed without choice. She had no choice in her nature and she had no choice in what happened to her. It’s debatable she wanted to fuck Satan. It is possible she did nothing but be born and ravished.

Yes I know she’s a concept, but she’s also playing a character here. If you didn’t want me to feel sorry for Sin you shouldn’t have made her a person. Also, the way Sin is being treated is considered an acceptable punishment. The devil characters, who can be treated purely as characters, are being punished by Milton in what he perceives as acceptable ways, and it’s arguable his audience would think similarly.

If God can treat the devils like this, there's no reason he can't treat us like this.

God is a fucking monster y’all. He’s the equivalent of every redneck who fantasizes about killing an Evildoer. Except then he MADE the Evildoer so he could purposely kill them. Worse than that: he made the Evildoer so he could make them suffer.

You ever see someone write so well they fuck up their own propaganda

“…with sorrow infinite To me, for when they list into the womb That bred them they return, and howl and gnaw My bowels, their repast; then burst forth Afresh with conscious terrors vex me ’round, That rest or intermission none I find.

Heeeyyyy are you supposed to feel sorry for Sin?

According to a quote of CS Lewis’ (from Wikipedia. Again, I’m not trying to do a great job here, I’m just fucking around, who even gives a shit), contemporaries of Paradise Lost would have known there were moments they were Supposed to Feel Certain Things, and that the Devil would be considered Bad right away, without any character-building whatsoever.

This is absolutely true. I’m coming to this slow realization that Paradise Lost exhibits traits of both modern narratives—where a character’s quality is SHOWN by their behavior, which includes their dialogue, which may not be trustworthy—and those of allegories, an older literary form. Allegories of the old days were far more straightforward, with characters written to be as one-dimensional and obvious as possible. Nobody wanted to be misunderstood.

However, this is also such a tone-deaf and willfully stupid take that I reject it in part. Look, Lewis was smart, but he would twist himself into a pretzel before he’d admit God could be a fucker: contemporary readers of this book definitely had problems with the devil’s part, and the devil’s complex qualities are part of the book’s draw. I’d argue that the devil is probably the only reason we’re still talking about Paradise Lost today—plenty of good shit was being written back in Milton’s day, and you have to dig to find it. Why did Paradise Lost not fall into a dark pit where only researchers go? It’s not because its first readers decided altogether to read it in a single manner most pleasing.

People are not monoliths guys. Movements are born and slow evolutions turned.

“Before mine eyes in opposition sits Grim Death my Son and foe, who sets them on, And me his Parent would full soon devour For want of other prey, but that he knows His end with mine involv’d; and knows that I Should prove a bitter Morsel, and his bane, When ever that shall be; so Fate pronounc’d.

This is simultaneously horrible, beautiful, and the most metal thing I’ve ever read.

Sin’s longing for cannibalism is the first overt sign of her interior monstrousness (unless she desired the incest, anyway).

This is a reminder to me that to appear ugly or distasteful was often used as a sign in old literature that someone is trash. It’s not a new concept. People confuse personal discomfort with truth all the time.

I am also reminded of the qualities of old allegorical literature. Dialogue wasn’t used to expand on a character’s inner world—it was used like an encyclopedia entry, to deliver clearcut information. The character was not a person, the character was a concept, and nobody was confused about that.

I just had an interesting thought: does Paradise Lost represent a kind of middle ground between older allegorical works and more modern character-driven works?

Wait, if she wishes she could eat Death, why did she stop him from fighting Satan

I mean, Death would win, but… I don’t know. A slave to the narrative? Yeah, probably an allegorical limitation. Allegorical symbols can’t break character or they cease being allegorical. This is one of their major limitations and it’s why writing an allegory that isn’t hamfisted is like scooping your eyes out with hot spoons. I’m starting to see how it’s unwise to just throw a random allegorical character in with a bunch of Normies: first, because they’re limited; they often can’t act like people. Second, what does that say about the rest of the narrative? It opens a can of worms. The artificial limitations of the devils suddenly becomes suspect. The allegory struggles to stretch beyond its tiny nugget prison.

“But thou O Father, I forewarn thee, shun His deadly arrow…”

Oh… ok :(

goofy-ass specter running at the devil with a goddamn arrow

I mean, it’ll work.

“…neither vainly hope To be invulnerable in those bright Arms, Though temper’d heav’nly, for that mortal dint, Save he who reigns above, none can resist.”

Every now and then, you get a hint as to how a word has evolved. Today, we think of “arms” as weaponry; here, Milton uses it to refer to “armor.” As for “dint”, it could go either as “blow, stroke” (the archaic reading, according to my dictionary) or as “force, power.” Also according to my dictionary, this is where “dent” came from (take this with a grain of salt lol).

I don’t know, it’s very cool.

She finish’d, and the subtle Fiend his lore Soon learned, now milder, and thus answer’d smooth.

I love the current-day connotations of the word “lore.” It makes this kind of funny.

Reading on, I’m honestly not sure if he believes Sin or not. You think you’d remembering fucking your brainchild. Then again, this is Hell; the characters exist in a weird between place. It’s possible that in the spirit world, concepts can be people… perhaps the nature of the spiritual is its adherence to the ideal (both ideal Wickedness and Holiness).

What makes this even harder to understand is: where does Milton intend for double-meaning and earnestness to reside? I ask because it was the style of allegories and parables to be rather straight-forward, as Lewis said. But these characters are sometimes almost modern, with clear snark and ulterior motives.

“Dear Daughter, since thou claim’st me for thy Sire, And my fair Son here showst me, the dear pledge Of dalliance had with thee in Heav’n, and joys Then sweet, now sad to mention, through dire change Befall’n us unforeseen, unthought of,

Smooth.

“…know I come no enemy, but to set free From out this dark and dismal house of pain,

Wait a minute. Is this where House of Pain got their name. IS THIS WHERE HOUSE OF PAIN

(I looked it up. It’s from HG Wells’ The Island of Dr. Moreau, which is just as weird.)

“Both him and thee, and all the heav’nly Host Of Spirits that in our just pretenses arm’d Fell with us from on high: from them I go This uncouth errand sole, with lonely steps to tread Th’ unfounded deep, and through the void immense To search with wand’ring quest…

“From there I go—this uncouth errand sole,” is what I’ll say when I’m heading out on errands from now on.

“…a place foretold Should be, and, by concurring signs, ere now Created vast and round, a place of bliss In the Purlieus of Heav’n…

I had to look up a word. “Purlieu” means “the ground on the edges of a forest, especially when partly subject to the same forest laws concerning game hunting, etc” or “the outskirts of any place; an adjacent district; the environs or neighborhood.”

I really like the implication of “at the edge of law.” That’s what God keeps coming down to—that’s what the book keeps coming back to: the battle between law and anarchy.

“…and therein plac’d A race of upstart Creatures…

fuck yeah. fuck you satan

“…to supply Perhaps our vacant room, though more remov’d, Least Heav’n surcharg’d with potent multitude Might hap to move new broiles…

I had to look up “broiles,” and in the process, discovered what may be the best dictionary of all time: Shakespeare’s Words.

“Broil” once meant “turmoil, confused fighting, battle.”

“…be this or aught Then this more secret now design’d, I haste To know, and this once known, shall soon return, And bring ye to the place where Thou and Death Shall dwell at ease…”

This section is so delicious.

First, Satan is schmoozing, 1000%. We only know this because he first talked shit to Death and Sin, and has now changed his tune. That said, it’s wildly unclear what his motivations are, half because he’s talking to literal allegorical figures. Once allegories get involved, they are stringently policed: neither Sin nor Death can be surprising to us. They will exhibit all the traits of their counterparts as understood by Milton’s version of Protestant Christianity. Their purpose is edification and education. An allegory is an encyclopedic entry given flesh.

Second, for what purpose does Satan offer these things? To pay them off? Probably. Does he offer them because he has grown a heart? No, probably not. Is he just offering what these characters want to hear? Probably. But, as you’ll soon see, he’s not lying. Does he know he’s not lying?

“…and up and down unseen Wing silently the buxom Air…

“Buxom” used to mean “lively, cheerful, bright,” not BIG OL TITTIES

“…embalm’d With odors; there ye shall be fed and fill’d Immeasurably, all things shall be your prey.”

We know, because we are inundated with Christianity in this country, that he’s telling the truth. He’s explaining that once Sin and Death are free, they’ll be free to feed on the Earth.

Is he telling what he perceives as truth, or is he promising pie in the sky?

If we were to be blitheringly flat, like Lewis, we’d recognize Satan’s speech as literal: he’s offering a promise he can keep; he understands what is going to happen before it ever happens. But because he’s complex, and started off his speech with flattery, I’m also not completely sure—I can only know by reading on and finding out if he spoke the truth.

Of equal interest: Satan is also doing right by his baby mama and weird fucking son. Sure, he’s talking shit, but he’s also taking responsibility.

Just. Kinda weird situation all told.

He ceas’d, for both seem’d highly pleas’d, and Death Grinn’d horrible a ghastly smile, to hear His famine should be fill’d, and blest his maw Destin’d to that good hour…

God I love this description. I love how Death contains “famine”, how he blesses his empty throat with promises of glut.

…no less rejoic’d His mother bad, and thus bespake her Sire. “The key of this infernal Pit by due, And by command of Heav’n’s all-powerful King I keep, by him forbidden to unlock These Adamantine Gates; against all force Death ready stands to interpose his dart, Fearless to be o’ermatched by living might.

One guy with one arrow versus everybody.

It’s all right, tell me how it goes

“But what owe I to his commands above Who hates me, and hath hither thrust me down Into this gloom of Tartarus profound, To sit in hateful Office here confin’d, Inhabitant of Heav’n, and heav’nly-born, Here in perpetual agony and pain, With terrors and with clamors compass’d round Of mine own brood, that on my bowels feed…

OH MY GOD SHE’S DOING IT

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

On that note: are you saying. That if God had maybe. Not been incredibly cruel to Sin. We may not have had Sin

Lewis would say something about how Sin had made her choice, and about how the brutalities wreaked against her were her own fault somehow, and that her nature was inherently wicked, so she would be wicked even when shown mercy. Then he'd end up with "it's an allegory anyway"

The problem with this is a) Christianity is about forgiving people who have committed some real humdingers, so this is logically dissonant, and b) so far, God hasn’t just punished: he has been nasty and cruel. The only love I have seen is between devils. If this is propaganda for God it’s not doing a very good job

“Thou art my Father, thou my Author, thou My being gav’st me; whom should I obey But thee, whom follow? Thou wilt bring me soon To that new world of light and bliss, among The Gods who live at ease, where I shall Reign At thy right hand voluptuous, as beseems Thy daughter and thy darling, without end.”

YES

Kinda weird but YES

Don’t take shit from that asshole lady he sucks

Thus saying, from her side the fatal Key, Sad instrument of all our woe, she took; And towards the Gate rolling her bestial train, Forthwith the huge Portcullis high up drew, Which but her self not all the Stygian powers Could once have moved… …So wide they stood, and like a Furnace mouth Cast forth redounding smoke and ruddy flame.

I just wanted to share this for the imagery. I love the imagery of a beautiful woman on a serpent’s tail, slipping slimy and bloody over the black earth, her body broken open in a hundred places where her hungry young have burst forth, and all around her the hellhounds loping. Then you can just feel the gates of Hell open and all I can think of is how I feel when I open the front door on a haboob.

“Redound” means “to fall out, contribute, turn out.”

Before their eyes in sudden view appear The secrets of the hoary deep, a dark Illimitable Ocean without bound, Without dimension, where length, breadth, and height, And time and place are lost; where eldest Night And Chaos, Ancestors of Nature, hold Eternal Anarchy, amidst the noise Of endless wars and by confusion stand.

Most of what I’m sharing here, I just LIKE. I like the image of Chaos and void. I love how it dwarfs Lucifer. I can feel the wind surging from that hot black egress. It probably switches back on itself—in direction, in temperature, in violence.

Also, I can't stop remembering that weird starlit void lurking below the surface world of Elden Ring.

...Into this wild Abyss, The Womb of nature and perhaps her Grave, Of neither Sea, nor Shore, nor Air, nor Fire, But all these in their pregnant causes mix’d Confus’dly, and which thus must ever fight, Unless th’ Almighty Maker them ordain His dark materials to create more Worlds, Into this wild Abyss the wary fiend Stood on the brink of Hell and look’d a while, Pondering his Voyage; for no narrow frith He had to cross.

“Frith” is an ancient word for “estuary.”

His Dark Materials is a book series. That phrase and the title of The Golden Compass originate from Paradise Lost. Speaking of which, I need to finish the series. From what I’ve read, the author had a bone to pick with CS Lewis, and I do approve of that.

Again, I love the imagery of this section, and that’s the only reason I’m sharing this. See, so far, Satan has been presented as a giant. He’s enormous. He’s powerful. But the chaos dwarfs him. Could absolutely swallow him. You believe in it as a dangerous place—a primordial place. It feels older than God.

Although the void here is technically allegorical, there’s worldbuilding here. This is an attempt at realism. The boundaries between allegorical and literal smear.

…At last his Sail-broad Vans He spreads for flight, and in the surging smoke Uplifted spurns the ground, thence many a League As in a cloudy Chair ascending rides Audacious, but that seat soon failing, meets A vast vacuity: all unawares Flutt’ring his pennons vain plumb down he drops Ten thousand fathom deep…

I had no idea that “vans” originated as a word for “wings.” For a brief, heady moment, I imagined Lucifer taking off in some cool fuckin kicks.

Here's where you see what I mean about action sequences: Milton is so damn good at making you feel the rough weather and envisioning weird spaces. "Surging smoke," "ascending rides/Audacious," "a vast vacuity."

...i love alliteration and action verbs. so much

…when straight behold the Throne Of Chaos, and his dark Pavilion spread Wide on the wasteful Deep; with him Enthron’d Sat Sable-vested Night, eldest of things, The consort of his Reign; and by them stood Orcus and Ades, and the dreaded name Of Demogorgon; Rumor next and Chance, And Tumult and Confusion all embroil’d, And Discord with a thousand various mouths.

Again, I just LOVE this. I’m trying to only share things I enjoy, but it’s so hard when the whole book sings.

"Wide on the wasteful deep." Mmmmfffffff f f f ffffffffffffff

"Sable-vested Night." You know, when people adjectivize nouns, usually I get mad, but this is gorgeous.

Had to include the bit about Discord because never before have I appreciated the name so well

“Yours be th’ advantage all, mine the revenge.”

Metal. Take whatever you want: I wanna fuck this guy over. (Satan absolutely said this.)

...Satan stay’d not to reply, But glad that now his Sea should find a shore, With fresh alacrity and force renew’d Springs upward like a Pyramid of fire Into the wild expanse…

One thing I like to imagine, especially when I see visual depictions of spectacular events, is wonder how the author came to envision them. As writers, we’re very lucky in this day and age that we can go look up videos and images and firsthand accounts of farflung events, and a lot of us take cues from film and television. Milton would have had a more limited palette.

What is more, not everyone can write an action sequence. Milton can. He understands that language is about feeling, not seeing.

It makes me wonder: what inspired the image of Satan’s launch? Fireworks? Comets? Lightning? The mere interplay with light out in the world?

“Glad now his Sea should find a shore” is a beautiful line and it’s about the devil allying with Chaos rofl

Send that one to your lover one day without explanation.

But now at last the sacred influence Of light appears, and from the walls of Heav’n Shoots far into the bosom of dim Night A glimmering dawn…

The sun is heaven confirmed

We're all gonna live in the sun someday

Oh wait I'm writing this.....

...im going to hell.......

…Satan with less toil, and now with ease Wafts on the calmer wave by dubious light And like a weather-beaten Vessel holds Gladly the Port, though Shrouds and Tackle torn; Or in the emptier waste, resembling Air, Weighs his spread wings, at leisure to behold Far off th’ Empyreal Heav’n, extended wide In circuit, undetermin’d square or round…

It’s fascinating to me that Heaven is seen right away as bending the laws of physics. A different writer whose name rhymes with "HP Lovecraft" would be like NON-EUCLIDEAN GEOMETRY

With Opal Tow’rs and Battlements adorn’d Of living Sapphire, once his native Seat; And fast by hanging in a golden Chain This pendant world, in bigness as a Star Of smallest Magnitude close by the Moon.

“This pendant world” "living Sapphire" UggghhhhHHH it’s so good

Imagine for a second: the peoples of this era already knew the Earth was round, but nobody had seen it from space yet.

Milton could fully envision it—like a jewel hanging in the sky.

What I don’t understand is “the golden chain.” It may be literal lol

Thither full fraught with mischievous revenge, Accurst, and in a cursed hour he hies.

This is a word-by-word account of my green-cheek conure flying into a plate of mashed potatoes.

To Be Continued

[cookiecandy22]

Well, another saga of epic the musical has dropped…

I just want to say that I love everything about the musical, I’ve been a big fan since the cyclops saga was published and each time a saga came out it was always my favourite saga (except with the Circe saga but that’s just cause I’ve been having beef with the character for as long as I’ve remembered, however after some time it ultimately became my favourite because of the incredible voice of Talya).

But this was not the case with this saga. Don’t get me wrong the music was awesome, Hermes served, Calypso served and everyone served BUT as a hard fan of the classic tellings of the Odyssey, this saga had a major problem.

I know that Jorge had to come with his own ideas for the story because that comes with adapting such a long and complex story as this. The biggest problem I had with the epic the musical adaptation was the things with the sirens acting like mermaids (hate that, we deserved some bird ladies thank you) but I let it slide and still enjoy the musical cause it was just a detail.

But it doesn’t matter how much I liked the songs and how I loved the way emotions were expressed throughout the last two songs, it really bugged me the way Odysseus defeated Poseidon because it didn’t make sense, it was too much of “power of friendship in a very anime way” and I’d prefer that there was more help from the other gods or anything for it to make sense.

So for anyone wondering if in my nnt au this was gonna happen, it will not. And if I decide something similar happen Ludociel (Zeus) and Meliodas (Hades) will have a big part in this.

I like consistency ok? Humans shouldn’t be able to defeat Gods, especially a very mortal (yes, grandson of Hermes but not considered demi god) defeating one of the big three (one of the most powerful gods💀) with a freaking jetpack and the power of friendship.

Btw THE JETPACK IS NOT HAPPENING

[themculibrary]

Wall Sex Masterlist

A Deal with the Prince (ao3) - STARSdidathing loki/tony E, 82k

Summary: Loki might be a Prince of Asgard, but that doesn't mean that he's well liked or able to get what he wants easily. Anthony Howardson is a weaponsmith who is incredibly handsome and uninterested in Loki's attempts at friendship. Loki knows he'll never be the one that Anthony wants, but when the opportunity presents itself to solve a problem for Anthony, Loki isn't going to miss the chance to offer a deal. Anthony is well known for taking pleasure in a multitude of lovers; surely Loki can present a solution that is mutually satisfactory? Loki could solve Anthony's problem, and in return, Anthony would spend a night with him. COMPLETE

A Good Look on You (ao3) - kinky_kneazle steve/natasha E, 1k

Summary: It wasn't that Steve wasn't great in the sack, it just wasn't enough. Natasha wanted him to lose control.

Bespoke (ao3) - the1918 steve/bucky E, 107k

Summary: “I love you, too. So fucking much,” Steve answered. His voice sounded cracked and exhausted, an exposed nerve ending in the shape of a man. “Some days I still don’t believe you’re real. Feels— feels like somehow, I’ve always loved you. Even when I didn’t know you.”

Bucky smiled softly at that and felt his heart threaten to explode. Still straddling his lap, he reached a hand up to cup Steve’s cheek.

“You’ve always known me,” he stated, simply. “I was made for you, remember?”

cherry wine (ao3) - silvyri peter/wade E, 38k

Summary: Peter has his big kink awakening, has a little freak out, visits a kink club and gets busy with a hot, built guy in a hoodie.

During Business Hours: A Filthy Coffee Shop AU (ao3) - samanthahirr steve/bucky E, 25k

Summary: Unemployed artist Steve takes a job managing the worst coffee shop in Brooklyn, where the floors are greasy, the coffee beans have expired, the espresso machine’s been sabotaged, and the owners might be Russian Mafia. But the job comes with a few perks, like a generous paycheck, reasonable hours, and one super-hot customer whom Steve can’t resist having dirty, filthy, bad-idea sex with in the bathroom.

Steve is pretty sure this job is going to kill him. But what a way to go....

I Get a Kick Out of You (ao3) - attice steve/tony E, 3k

Summary: He looks Steve over. He's flushed—red-faced, tousle-haired, and completely out of breath. Something is definitely wrong. Tony's first thought is this isn’t possible, quickly followed by how does this pick-up line go again?

It's all in the way you touch me (ao3) - antigrav_vector bucky/steve/tony E, 25k

Summary: This is pretty much shameless threesome smut. Plot is present but minimal. Consider yourselves warned.

kick off your sunday shoes (ao3) - leiascully natasha/steve M, 38k

Summary: Natasha thought it was a shame that Steve had never been dancing (among other things).

las vegas (ao3) - elcapitan_rogers steve/natasha M, 219k

Summary: Steve was freaking out over his own wedding and the gang decided to take him to Las Vegas to unwind him.

Loving in the war years (ao3) - lotesse steve/tony E, 5k

Summary: For maybe the first time he doesn't feel oversized – or he does, but suddenly something's clicked over and it turns him on, seeing and feeling the mass and strength of his body as he pounds Tony Stark against a wall in a basement.

Magnet (ao3) - catemonsterq clint/darcy E, 2k

Summary: Or, Tony's parties are Epic

rough enough for love (ao3) - silkspectred steve/tony E, 14k

Summary: The first time they had sex was right after their first kiss. Steve dropped to his knees and then Tony reciprocated after making Steve lie down on the bed. The second time it was Steve that initiated it, slow handjobs under the hot spray of the shower, and Tony looked surprised by it. Like it was weird that Steve wanted it. Wanted him.

Shortsighted (ao3) - Aviss steve/tony E, 3k

Summary: The first time Steve sees Tony wearing glasses, he walks into a wall.

Talk Dirty to Me (ao3) - PeetaPan steve/bucky E, 2k

Summary: Steve spends months tracking Bucky down, and when he eventually finds him, it's in a nightclub in Europe.

this heart needs (something) (ao3) - bankrobbery peter/wade E, 9k

Summary: ‘Okay, come on, you have to think about this rationally,’ Peter thinks to himself and it’s not that he can’t reason his reaction out, it’s not that he can’t listen to his own advice, it’s that he doesn’t want to.

Peter gets hit by sex pollen. Deadpool helps out. That should be the end of it.

Torque and Friction (ao3) - BewareTheIdes15 steve/tony E, 4k

Summary: The armor is his religion. And, c'mon, does anyone really expect that Tony Stark wouldn't want to have sex with his religion? He's just never found anybody before who could handle it.

You're My World (ao3) - whiskeyandsparks sam/bucky E, 6k

Summary: “I… oh, I get it now.” Sam tilted his head, perceptive as ever, goddammit. “All this flirting with my sister, that was just to get my attention, wasn’t it? I know it was. Say it.”

“That wasn’t—” Bucky croaked, but Sam wasn’t having it.

He huffed a low laugh, and bulldozed right through Bucky’s feeble pretense. “You like it when I pin you against the wall? Take away all that power you have, that strength that your arm gives you? Make you feel small, maybe?”

you're the fireworks flyin' on the fourth of july (ao3) - IamShadow21 steve/bucky E, 2k

Summary: Steve's got ninety-five years' worth of Bucky's birthdays to catch up on.

[maccreadysbaby]

rank the fo4 companions based on your opinion!!!!

Oh geez. Okay. :,) these are just my opinions!!

How I Rank Fo4 Companions

16. Old Longfellow

it all boils down to the fact that i hate far harbor and have never spoken to him once. automatically on the bottom because i know zero about him, but he seems crusty???

0/10 - never spoken to him 💀

15. Strong

i will never get used to traveling with a super mutant. constantly freaks me out every time he speaks or runs up behind me. also he hates everything i do because i’m a decent human??? annoying

0/10 - never reached the first affinity dialogue

14. Dogmeat

I’ve never traveled with him for longer than, like, one in game day. i like dogs, and he’s cute, but i like him better as a cute neighborhood pet for my settlement than as an actual companion. it’s personally way more interesting and fun to travel with another person.

1/10 - doesn’t have affinity

13. Ada

she’s really sweet and cute, but personally, i never play with her outside of the dlc and it makes me sad. overall i think i like people more just because they have real depth and personality. but she is very cute and i like when she gives me junk! sweet.

2/10 - doesn’t have affinity

12. Codsworth

again, even though he’s more personable, I just prefer humans and synths over robots. he is very sweet and i love that he calls me mum, and it’s perfect that he says my name, and the idea of him being pre-war like a foothold for sole is epic. i just wish he had more depth.

3/10 - a little sentimental, but more relieved than anything when I reach his final affinity dialogue

11. Curie

I don’t dislike curie, but… i don’t exactly like her, if you know what i mean. her storyline is pretty cool and she’s totally cute and sweet, but i honestly find myself more annoyed than anything when I travel with her. the whole hyper-emotional synth recalibration stuff is more inconvenient than anything when i just want a functional companion. just not someone i jive with, ya get me? don’t dislike, just not jivin and vibin.

4/10 - more relieved and excited to move to another companion when I reach her final affinity dialogue

10. Piper

i wanted to love her so badly but she is seriously one of the most annoying companions, in my opinion. she actually never shuts her mouth and comments on every single thing i do. i really wanted to like her, because she’s a reporter and i love to write, but i just can’t. i would still, weirdly enough, choose her to travel with over curie.

4/10 - more relieved and ready to be done than anything else when I reach her final affinity dialogue

9. Nick Valentine

his storyline is so good. he is so good. he is precious and the perfect fatherly figure for any freshly-thawed vault dweller. far harbor storyline is *chefs kiss* even if i hate every other part of it. (only played it for him.) i just feel like, the farther i go into the game, the more i forget about him. i wish he had more content because it’s bomb.

6/10 - final affinity dialogue makes me feel all warm and fuzzy

8. Cait

don’t get me wrong, i love cait. the whole tough irish girl trope is one i totally love. (if you can tell from my tough Irish girl™︎ mw2 oc) i really love most things about her and her storyline is near perfection, i just wish she had more content overall! also she gives me a laugh when she threatens our enemies. i straight up hated her for a while because i played a morally good player and couldn’t max her. but i did it and i like her now :)

6/10 - reaching final affinity dialogue makes me really happy!

7. John Hancock

this man is precious, and i seriously crave more in-game content for him. i wish he had a storyline like nick. his past has so much storyline potential! he’s adorable and i always run over to check on him when i get back to my settlements because he’s baby :,) muah. adorable.

7/10 - final affinity gives me some major warm and fuzzies, boyfriend material (i romance him every time)

6. Preston Garvey

preston is seriously underrated. just because bethesda chose him to deposit quests doesn’t mean he lacks character! i think he is a precious, loyal, good-doing little man and i love him! precious! the fact that he’s fiercely loyal to the minutemen and follows his peaceful cause to his death is seriously something i find so attractive

7/10 - final affinity made me tear up. romance him every time

5. X6-88

this is getting into the nitty-gritty now. my top five are extremely hard for me to put in order :,) i didn’t like him much before my very last play through, but gosh, this man had me wrapped around his little synth finger since day one. I actually got scared when i saw the notif “X6-88 disliked that” because i loved him and i just wanted him to love me too. the only thing i don’t like about him is his undying loyalty for the institute (since i’m a railroad gal) but the stars he puts in my eyes definitely helps me look past that.

8/10 - final affinity had me shaking. screaming and crying that he’s not romancible, i would do it all day every day

4. Paladin Danse

would drop everything i have done with the railroad and join him on the prydwen if he asked me to. (thank goodness he’s a synth) storyline? bomb. physical attractiveness? muah. personality? military man fire. angst central? give me all of it. he’s amazing. straight up perf. even if he doesn’t like to have fun, he’s one of my favorites to take with me

9/10 - i’m pretty sure i cried through like half of blind betrayal the first time. final affinity was making me question if i was actually in love with a video game character. romance always.

3. Porter Gage

he is a musty crusty dusty little raider man and i freaking love him. he gives jericho vibes. his accent is so attractive, and his past just makes me love him more. (don’t ask why, it won’t get you anywhere) would take over the commonwealth just for him. my very first sole packed up and moved from sanctuary completely into fizztop because of him and i don’t regret it. definitely a good number three because, if i’m not traveling with one of my top two, it’s probably him.

9/10 - final affinity had me freaking vibrating. can’t not romance this dude. the way he calls me boss makes me blush and i can’t

2. Deacon

ah, this man put up one heck of a fight for number one. and in some aspects, he is. his personable demeanor, his jokes, his past, everything he has hidden deep inside that sole only gets to know a fraction of is my kind of person. i love him so much. i wish he had individual content. and sadly, the only thing that puts him at a number two for me is the fact that he isn’t romancible. he is number one on all other cylinders.

10/10 - i think i almost fainted during his final affinity. downloading every single deacon romance mod ever because why the freaking heck would you make this charming man unromacible, bethesda? w h y ?

1. RJ MacCready

i mean, have you seen my username? his storyline is absolute perfection, he is adorable, he complains a lot but i love him for it, and he is in fo3? whats not to love about a reoccurring character just trying to do his best for his son? i love him, and on my very first playthrough, it was him and him always. when it wasn’t, it was deacon. I JUST WISH I GOT TO SEE THE RESULTS AND MAYBE MEET DUNCAN AT THE END OF HIS STORY JANENFJDJENDJS

1000/10 - final affinity made me cry. also cried once when i accidentally lost the toy soldier. romance all day every day, husband material, downloaded marriage mod just for him

keep in mind these are all my opinions! every companion could have easily been changed in the list if they just had more content! why do some get quests and some don’t??? where’s my deacon quests??? if he had some (and was romancible) he’d probably take number one ngl

[artharakka]

Hello

I habe just recently come across your page. My condolences for Minni.

But Holy Shit, your art style is so cool. Your whole page is freaking fantastic beautiful. Sorry for just putting random words together. I love the artstyle so much. To be honest i am flabbergasted. I hope one day I can draw in a similar artstyle too, but i don’t think anything can come near to the talent you have.

Like fr i saw your drawings and was shocked. May i ask are some of your paintings inspired by mythology? Because they remind me of trolls and a book i had when i was a child from Jan Lööf, it was about trolls.

Sending lots if luvs and hugs from little nowhere in europe. 💕💕💕💕💕💕

Hi 🧡 Last night I dreamed of Minni, she was sleeping at my feet and she was warm and her side moved with her breathing, but I knew she wasn't really there and it didn't feel wrong, so in time, I think it will be alright 🧡

And thank you! I hope you don't mind me answering this publicly as this became a longer rambling about creating and inspirations! Rest under the cut:

Often I think I'm still kind of searching for an art style that feels most comfortable to me, but thank you for liking where I'm now 💕 But don't put yourself down! It has taken me a lot of trials and errors to be where I am. And I could've saved a lot of time if I had committed myself to learning the fundamentals first, taken more art classes, etc, but hey, sometimes art isn't about perfercting a style but finding something you are so passionate about you cannot stop creating and you end up learning in the process (for me it is stories, I find it very hard to sit down and do a "random" art piece with no background story for the characters in it). And creativity comes in many forms! With a quick glance, writing comes more naturally to you than to me (even though I would like to do that more).

Your ask made me think what exactly has inspired my art. I haven't illustrated mythological scenes or people (only that I can think of kind of referencing myths is the "Mirror" swordtember drawing I titled as "Perseus' End" on my Inprnt), but I'd say mythology definitely is there in sources of inspiration. Not some one and only, but multiple mythologies I think (mostly European, as sources to those are more accessible to me because, well, eurocentrism and language barriers, but also geographical closeness). Mediterranean mythologies, first as a kid through (Hellenistic) Greek, now more nuanced (lately obsessed with Minoan art and clothing, many thanks to Let's Talk About Myths, Baby! podcast). Playing (= @artist-rat playing for me because I was scared) Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice mabe me dig more deeply into Celtic and Norse mythologies. I'm also inspired by Finnish mythology (and I started to write more in depth about it's nuances, but it got long so it probably needs its own post at some point)

In short, much of it's lost or unclear whether it was appropriated from Karelians (or Sámi) people. But after the sources of mythological events and characters are uclear, what is left that inspires me is this kind of animistic belief system and reverence of nature. That if you sing a spell to the trees or rocks, you can shape what is around you. That a everyone has their own soul bird that brings your soul to you when you are born and carries away when you die. And while I also enjoy high fantasy and epics, what also inspires me is finding beauty in ordinary, in everything. Especially in nature. While I get and appreciate the beauty of mountains and sea and steep cliffs, I try and can find beauty near me. Ordinary pines, birds that I see while I walk to supermarket, lake's small waves against small stones. And I also find beauty and inspiration how in many small things near you, one can find marks of something more. Dinosaurs never disappeared nor did their reign ever end: birds are still here and much more numerous than humans. The small exposed piece of rock is part of Earth's foundation, it's grooves and scrapes were left by tonnes ice that passed it ten thousand years ago. The esker made of gravel and sand is not as high as a mountain, but it is still the highest in the entire world and for thousands of years people before you have climbed on top of it and seen the lakes and forests around it.

Mythologies and cultures also inspire me in a way that I love to invent them. Mostly by looking at what has already been. Imagine what all ways people have had or could have to promise to live together, to enter to adulthood. And I don't think of myself as particularly morbid person, but when I have a new story or ttrpg world, I love to think how do people there bury their loved ones. Where do they think they go and what do they need for that journey? Can they ever come back?

I was also about to list some artists that inspire me, but this is already so long that I think that will also be its own post. But I have a side blog @harakkae and there tags "art" and "inspiration" where I have collected some art and artists that inspire me!

Sorry again for long answer, I swear I cut out a lot of my ramblings! And thank you for loving my art! Hugs and best wishes to you as well and based on the fact that you had a book from Jan Lööf, I think I might be from as or even more nowhere in Europe as you 🧡🐦

[saralayne]

ABC’s Stellaride Style 🩵🩷

Chapter 1 ~ Appreciate

7x22. After the epic cabin scene. Kelly getting real with Stella.

I Appreciate You”

After many hours of passionate love making. Basking in the glow of the fire burning in the living room fireplace. The cabin, away from everything and everyone. Kelly was no longer feeling lost and alone. He had the love of his life back in his arms. A moment he never thought he would have again. A second chance. He wasn’t convinced that he was deserving but he wasn’t questioning it. Everything he had lost a few months ago had come back to him. Kelly always felt he had luck on his side at times, too many close calls throughout the years, but this made him think that he was the luckiest guy in the world. The way he pushed Stella away after Benny had passed away. The feeling of regret l, guilt, anger and sadness took over. Kelly dealt with the darkness the only way he knew how. Putting those damn walls up and pushing everyone away. A living wrecking ball. Even pushing away the the one person he loved more than life itself.

Of course Stella kept fighting for their relationship. She knew it was his grief taking over. She also knew how he dealt with the hard stuff. As much as she loved him there was only so much pushing away Stella could handle. That came a few months back and she did something she never, ever wanted to do nor did she think she would ever have to do. Kelly was it for her BUT their relationship was crumbling and feeling toxic. So she ended things. Here they were back together. Kelly wasn’t holding back. He was going to make sure to communicate with Stella. No more pushing her away. Even if it was uncomfortable for him. He was going to be the man she deserved. He was never taking a chance of losing the best damn thing that has ever happened to him.

“WHAT?” Stella murmured

“I appreciate you”

“Well thank you babe. I have to agree. Tonight was pretty perfect and incredible”

“Yes it was. And don’t get me wrong. I do appreciate every second of the last few hours but I appreciate you. Every part of you”

“Kelly Severide. Who are you?” Stella smirked

“I know. I know. I meant what I said. I’m going to be the man you deserve. Not the man I have been. You deserve so much more”

Stella had tears forming in the corner of her bright brown eyes.

“Kelly. Thank you for that. I hope you know that I never stopped loving you. EVER”

“Me neither baby. In the end you did the right thing. I was a mess. Digging myself down a dark hole. I took you for granted and I don’t know if I will ever fully forgive myself for that. But I’m just so grateful I’ve been given a second chance with you. I’m always going to appreciate you. Appreciate us. Forever”

“Kelly, I love you so much. WE are being given a second chance. There are things I wish I would have done differently as well. Getting here, right now, was worth everything”

“Stel. I’m never letting you go ever again”

“Ditto. Babe. Ditto”

Chapter 2 ~ Butterflies

8x04. How Stella is feeling after Kelly’s magic words following the hazmat fire.

An old man in bed with our kids, grandkids and you surrounding me”

Those magical words escaped from Kelly’s mouth with no hesitation and shocked Stella to the core. He really saw a forever future with her. Stella knew how she felt about her boyfriend but seeing as they had just gotten back together she wasn’t sure what he saw for their future. Kelly was never someone who found it easy to communicate his feelings but these particular words came off the tip of his tongue without even thinking. Stella had been feeling a little freaked out by what they had endured in this fire. It had become a serious hazmat situation and was incredibly dangerous. Kelly always had a gift of being able to calm her nerves when she needed it. She just hadn’t anticipated he would ever express himself in such a deep manner.

As Kelly was called away by Casey to talk with Voight and Boden. Stella had a feeling of butterflies swarming through her stomach. Gosh, she loved this man so much. As everything came to a close and shift had ended from this horrendous day, a small wave of fear came over Stella. Had he said those words in the heat of the moment? Because of the situation they were experiencing. She hopes with everything that she was just getting in her head. He had surely meant what he had said but she needed to know for sure. She never wanted this butterfly feeling to go away. It made her so happy thinking of a future with Kelly. Marriage and having babies. Having the perfect life with the man she was so deeply in love.

As Kelly and Stella settled in for the night at the loft. Stella had to rip the hand aid off.

“Kelly, Can we talk about something?”

“Of course, babe”

“Did you truly mean what you said earlier today at the call? I mean, I know you were trying to make me feel better and calm me from the events of the day”

“STELLA. Of course I meant it. Every word of it. I have felt this way for some time now. Saying what I said didn’t come out of left field. It felt like the perfect time and situation. There is no rush for us taking those big steps but hear me when I say, I want that life with you. It’s always been you. So when I’m an old man, YES. I’m more than certain it will be you, our kids and grandkids surrounding me”

“GOOD. Because I have to say after you walked away. All I felt was butterflies. Absolute love and admiration for you. I never want those feelings to go away. I have also dreamt of that life with you for a long time now. It doesn’t scare me. It just feels so right. There is no rush. Just knowing that’s how you truly feel as well. It means…EVERYTHING”

“Baby. I am always going to feel that way. FOREVER. I never thought given my past I would want or even deserve that life. You changed all of that for me when you walked into 51. It may of taken some ups and downs to get here but the future for us is going to be full of milestones and big steps. I CAN’T WAIT FOR ALL OF IT. I love you, Stella Kidd”

“I love you, Kelly Severide. You are a dream to me. A dream I never want to wake up from”

Stella knew she would spend the rest of her life having that ‘Butterfly’ feeling with the love of her life.

Chapter 3 ~ Comfort

10x17. Kelly being the man Stella deserves as she navigates painful memories that resurface after helping Adriana.

Stella had long since moved on from her past. Her life was wonderful now. She was now a lieutenant. Had her family at 51 and most importantly has an amazing relationship with her now fiancé Kelly. Stella was thriving. Set to marry the love of her life, squad lieutenant Kelly Severide. If any of the 51 family was asked, one word comes to mind…FINALLY. Stella and Kelly had been through so much together. Their journey came with ups and downs but one thing remained firm. They were so in love with each other. Both Kelly and Stella had pulled one another out of their own past darkness. Stella never even thought about her ex husband Grant anymore. That time in her life was over. How toxic their relationship was filled with addiction and abuse. Now, Stella had a forever, healthy relationship and most importantly felt Kelly was her safe place. He would always protect and love her unconditionally.

After helping Adriana. Seeing the bruising around her neck at the hands of an abusive man. The manipulation. Feeling of isolation. All of it came back into Stella’s memories. In many ways, it felt to Stella like she was looking in a mirror seeing what Adriana was going through. All of a sudden, a feeling of fear paralyzed Stella. What if Grant ever came back? He had already come back a few years ago when he attacked her. If it hadn’t been for Kelly protecting her, she probably wouldn’t be here. She never wanted to see Grant ever again. He could easily find her. Past pain and trauma has a way of coming back as a reminder at times. This is what Stella was experiencing after helping keep Adriana safe. Relieved the man who was harming her was behind bars and Adriana wouldn’t have to worry anymore. She could heal and move forward with her life.

As Kelly and Stella were relaxing at home that night. Stella explained what had happened with Adriana. Kelly could see Stella was struggling. Those chocolate brown eyes that were usually full of light and brightness seemed dim, fearful even. Kelly knew full well the situation with Adriana must have brought up the most painful memories for his fiancée. Kelly had only found out earlier in the day, as they investigate the car accident Adriana was involved in, the severity of the physical abuse Stella endured at the hands of Grant. Stella never talked about the specifics and Kelly respected her not to dig deep into everything she went through. He knew what she had told him. After Grant re-emerged a few years back. Kelly saw first hand that he was a dangerous man especially in the peak of his addiction. So, he knew Stella was abused verbally and emotionally but now he knew he had physically harmed her as well. Stella had told him. He knew it was probably extremely difficult for her to take herself back to the part of her life and let those words out. He saw the emotion as she admitted in one instance how Grant had choked her leaving bruises around her neck. This not only broke Kelly’s heart but brought out anger. The thought of anyone laying one finger on the love of his life made him see red.

As they sat together. Stella eventually curled herself into Kelly’s chest. She needed that feeling of comfort.

“Stella. Talk to me”

“I-I today was a lot. I never think about my past anymore. On my home from the police station I felt relieved but also felt a little scared”

“Scared. Why do you feel scared?”

“Just the thought of Grant ever coming back. He knows how to find me. The thought of him trying to hurt me again, or hurting us”

“Stella. Stop right there. Hear what I am saying. Grant will NEVER EVER get anywhere near you again. He will never be able to lay one finger on you. That’s over and that is a promise. I will move heaven and earth to make sure you are always safe. You may have been alone in the past but not anymore. You now have me. We are going to be husband and wife. My priority is for you to always feel and safe and loved. I love you so much, Stella Kidd. Never forget that I will always be your safe space. OK?”

“OK. I love you so much Kelly. I can’t wait to marry you”

“Me too baby. If you ever feel sadness or fear, I’m always going to be here to hold you. Comfort you. ALWAYS AND FOREVER”

Stella wasn’t scared anymore. She knew she would always be safe as long as she had Kelly, her soon to be husband.

Chapter 4 ~ Dream

10x21. After Kelly’s food truck investigation took a dangerous turn. Kelly and Stella deciding to get married right away. Kelly expressed all she wanted was for Stella to become his wife. No more waiting.

The food truck investigation had taken a turn and found himself outnumbered. He now sat in the hospital, sore from the action that had ensued. Stella was on her way back to 51 with her team when Boden came on the radio to tell her there had been an incident. Panic-stricken she raced to the hospital hopeful her fiancée was OK. Things had been tense between her and Kelly recently. Wedding planning woes. Stella may been getting a little carried away with details. There was a deeper issue though. The fear for both of them taking the big step and manifesting what was really going on. Kelly saw it. He realized they needed to stop questioning things. No more planning. Kelly just didn’t care anymore where they got married or any other details. All he wanted was to marry Stella. As Kelly had bandages over his body from the beating he had endured, everything was put in perspective. Kelly was right. They didn’t need a perfectly planned wedding. They just needed to become husband and wife. No more feeling scared. “Let’s just do it”

The next day Stella was revamping wedding plans as they were preparing to get married in a few days. Everyone at 51 was on board to help with all preparations. Kelly had been dealing with this food truck investigation as it was a big drug operation. He was helping the police bring Campbell down. Again, there was a dangerous altercation at the courthouse which ended with him throwing a man through a plate glass window in self defence. Stella was worried. These dangerous men were still on the streets. She just wasn’t sure it them getting married right now was a good decision. After Kelly returned from this harrowing situation, she made her way way to his quarters.

“Kelly. Babe. Are you sure getting married now is a good idea? These men are still out there. You have now been attacked twice. You had to protect yourself and I am eternally grateful you did. This has been a lot for you to handle. Plus, adding on getting married. I’m worried about you”

“Stella. Stop. We are getting married. I have police protection. They are going after Campbell now. We are not waiting. Look, I have one dream and that dream is for you to be my wife. Me to be your husband. I have wanted to marry you for such a long time. Literally years. I’m not letting anyone or anything ruin this dream. Our dream. So please don’t worry. Let’s continue to plan. And in a few days our dream will finally come true when I see you walk down that aisle, looking so beautiful. This wedding is happening”

“Smooth. Kelly Severide. Smooth. OK. Let’s make our dream come true”

In a few days Kelly and Stella were going to become husband and wife. It was going to be perfect. Their dream was finally going to be a reality.

Chapter 5 ~ Elated

9x14. After Stella receives her lieutenant exam results. Kelly conveying his feelings.

Stella had taken the lieutenants exam a few days ago and she still hadn’t gotten her results. She was a ball of nerves. Kelly reassured her every step of the way. Casey lent his support as well. It was distracting. All she could do was keep busy and try to not let it consume her. Easier said than done. Kelly was just as nervous but he knew there was nothing to worry about. After all, she’s Stella Kidd. She had killed that exam. But confirmation would make it official. Kelly was holding off on telling her what had really been in his mind because he wanted her to only concentrate on preparing for her exam. Kelly wanted to ask Stella to marry him. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind she was his forever. Stella had once said she never wanted to get married again after her marriage to Grant. She never wanted to be put in a position where she couldn’t leave. Kelly was nervous about asking her. But at the end of the day he knew they were different. She had said that a long time ago and so much had changed for her. Kelly knew he wanted to marry her.

Later at Molly’s. Stella was still very nervous. Still no results. Making sure Kelly knew she made need a distraction later. He was more than happy to offer that distraction for her. As she was clearing tables. Boden walked in and had her exam results. All of the eyes in Molly’s were on Boden and Stella. They were a family and everyone wanted this so much for Stella. Boden delivered the wonderful news. She had passed. She was now a lieutenant. Kelly felt pure elation for his girlfriend (and hopefully soon fiancée) Stella jumped into his arms. “I knew you could do it” As Stella received hugs from everyone at 51. Kelly became emotional. He was so proud of Stella. So proud. There were so many reasons he loved her more than life itself. Celebrations continued throughout the night. Eventually, much later. Stella and Kelly returned home. They obviously had their own private celebration filled with pride and passion. As they laid snuggled against each other in bed. Sweaty and happy.

“Stella. I am so proud of you. You did it baby”

“Kelly I couldn’t have done it without you. Always encouraging me. Studying with me. Keeping me calm. Thank you. I really am the luckiest girl in the world”

“We’re a team. When Boden said lieutenant. I felt pure elation and joy. I had no doubt you had killed the exam. Just having the confirmation. There is no one that deserves this more than you. You’re amazing. I’m so excited for you and what you’re going to accomplish. The leader you will become”

As Kelly and Stella fell asleep. There was no doubt that they had many good things on the horizon.

Chapter 6 ~ Faithful

6x23. After the trial with Renee. Kelly came home to his girlfriend, telling her what really happened. Reassuring Stella.

Kelly felt proud after the trial had ended. He was able to help fellow firefighters get the justice they deserved. It had been awkward at first when Renee showed up at the firehouse to ask for his assistance. Even going as far to use her son as bait to reconnect with Kelly. He personally didn’t see her motives as he only thought about one woman. He only loved one woman and that was Stella. As far as he was concerned, Renee was far in his past. Sure, he had loved her at one time. Was even blinded by her lies. It wasn’t for Shay, it could have ended very badly. Renee had sunk to a new low. Lying to Kelly after she became pregnant, convincing him the baby was his. Luckily, Shay saw right through her lies. After that revelation, their relationship imploded immediately. Kelly lost all trust in relationships. He kept anything with any woman casual. Never risking having his heart broken again. That was until Stella Kidd walked through the 51 doors. Slowly, she pulled him out of the darkness. Opened his heart again. Broke down those protective walls. Now she was his girlfriend. He trusted her with his whole heart. So, he agreed to help in this case. For the greater good, to help his fellow men. Renee had really thought she had an in to recapture Kelly’s heart again especially with her son being a factor. Reneee knew he was dating Stella but she wasn’t quite prepared for how much he truly loved Stella.

Stella, unlike her boyfriend, had serious reservations about Renee. This wasn’t a feeling of jealousy. This was purely het not trusting Renee’s motives. She had been told by Gabby what had happened with Renee. That made her even more skeptical. Stella trusted Kelly 100%, but she surely didn’t trust Renee. Her suspicion even led her to warn Renee to not mess with Kelly.

After their success with the trial both Kelly and Renee were more than happy with the verdict. Kelly was left shocked when Renee planted a kiss on him. ‘What the hell was she thinking?’

“Renee. What the hell are you doing?” He said while aggressively pushing her off his chest

“I’m sorry Kelly. We were having a moment. I wanted to take a chance. I still love you. I know I screwed up. I have loved seeing you again”

“Renee. STOP. We are in the past. I am in love with Stella. She is the love of my life. You ruined us with your lies. But it was for the best because it brought Stella into my life and I have never looked back. She is my future l. I’m glad I was able to help you with this case. This will be the last conversation we have. Now if you excuse me. I’m going to be with Stella”

Kelly immediately went over to Stella’s. She wasn’t there so he was going to wait. He didn’t want there to be any secrets. He was going to tell her what Renee had done. Stella arrived home asking Kelly why he never picked her up as she was waiting for him”

“I was waiting for you, I came straight here” he explained.

Stella walked over to him, sitting in his lap. Pressing her head against his chest.

“I just missed you”

“All I think about is you”

She grabbed his chin and pulled his lips towards hers for a kiss. He lingered for a moment before pulling back.

“Stella I need to tell you something. I don’t want there to be any secrets between us”

“OK”

“After we won the trial. Renee kissed me”

“Well that doesn’t surprise me. I sensed she still wanted you. I even warned her not to mess with you. I trust you, Kelly. I just don’t trust her. Did yo-you kiss her back?”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT. I immediately pushed her away and told her the only woman I love is you. I told her you are my future. ONLY YOU, Stella. I need you to know how much I love you. I will always be faithful to you. I would never ruin us by cheating, hurting you like that. EVER. You are the love of my life, Stella Kidd”

“You are mine babe. I trust you completely. Thank you for telling me the truth. You are a good man, Kelly Severide.

Chapter 7 ~ Grateful

9x06. Kelly expressed his gratitude after ghosting Stella to protect her reputation before she is to take the lieutenants exam.

When Kylie asked to talk to Kelly, he wasn’t prepared for the words that escaped her mouth. Stella wasn’t going to take the lieutenants exam. He really had screwed up. He was trying to protect her but was quickly realizing he was risking losing her altogether. Not only that, he had her questioning her confidence. Kelly felt his stomach drop as he was consumed with guilt. That asshole white shirt had completely gotten into Kelly’s head and now he was ruining everything. Not only derailing her career but he was also putting their relationship in jeopardy. He cannot lose Stella. She is the love of his life. His forever. The only woman he would love for the rest of his life. ‘What had be done?’ ‘How had he let it get this far?’ Feeling of panic overtook Kelly’s thoughts.

After shift Kelly raced over to Sylvie’s apartment. That is where Stella had been staying given that Kelly was not communicating with her. She had had enough after trying to talk to him on a couple of occasions. Stella felt history was repeating itself and she needed space away from him to think about things. Stella was so confused on why he was treating her this way. Not knowing what had happened at HQ. Kelly wasn’t talking. Stella still hadn’t decided what she was going to do about the exam. She didn’t want to throw this opportunity away. Boden tells her to really think about prolonging taking the exam. Still, she felt so distracted. She was losing focus. Her thoughts were consumed by what was going on with her love. Her boyfriend. Her heart was slowly breaking the longer this went on. Stella was angry but also sad. She was so in love with Kelly Severide. Not wanting to lose him. As Stella was trying to concentrate and study, she heard a knock at the door. She looked through the peephole and saw Kelly.

After a very intense conversation. Kelly finally told her why he had been acting distant. Stella reminds him she can handle whatever is thrown at her from the white shirts. What she can’t handle is Kelly not communicating with her. Shutting her out. Putting up walls. They were past this. Long past this behaviour. Finally, both Kelly and Stella tell one another they weren’t letting each other get away. Stella gathered her belongings she had with her and they headed back to the loft in separate cars.

Later, at home. Kelly had turned on the TV and they were relaxing in each others arms. Both Kelly and Stella feeling a sense of relief. They had quickly returned to normalcy.

“Stella, I’m so sorry for letting the white shirts get in my head. I honestly was only trying to protect you but I realize how wrong I was. I should have talked to you about everything. I should’ve never let it get this far. Baby, I know I hurt you. I meant what I said “I’m never letting you get away from me again”

“It’s OK, Kelly. I know babe. I need you through this. You have always been my biggest supporter. I not only need but also want you by my side as I go for this. Please, just always talk to me”

“I will Stel. I promise. I am so grateful that you have faith i me, in us. I’m going to be with you every step of the way. Just know I have absolutely no doubt that you are going to kick ass with the lieutenants exam and become an amazing leader. You don’t need me but I’m so grateful to walk alongside you and support you”

“You’re a good man, Kelly Severide”

“I’m that man because of you, Stella Kidd”

Chapter 8 ~ Heroic

11x01. Kelly saving Stella after their honeymoon at the cabin almost turns deadly.

Kelly and Stella had taken the plunge. After the tense moments leading up to the wedding, they were husband and wife. The last minute wedding on the boat was perfect. It was everything both of them had wanted. They had decided to go straight to the cabin for a few days and live in newlywed bliss. They didn’t need a destination honeymoon. All they needed was each other. The cabin held very special memories in their relationship. So, it was a no-brainer to have their honeymoon together there.

Their honeymoon started out blissful. Full of love and passion. It sure was turning out to be a perfect wedding night. Until it wasn’t…

As Kelly and Stella lay sweaty on the floor, making love as newly married couple, it all nearly turning deadly. They suddenly heard the front door of the cabin being shot at. Kelly quickly told Stella to get dressed and crawl out the back window. Kelly followed his wife. While running through the dark woods and being chased, Kelly desperately directed Stella to run and keep running. Stella did not want to leave her husband. As Stella tripped, she soon found herself vulnerable with a gun pointed at her head. Was this it? This is how it would end for them on their wedding night. Until, her knight in shining armor, her husband was able to save her. Kelly was confused when a Pryma arrived at that moment. It didn’t matter. He had Stella in his arms. Desperately wrapping her in his arms. Tears came flowing down Kelly’s cheeks, knowing how close he was to losing her. His whole world was almost taken from him.

After dealing with Pryma and giving statements, Kelly took Stella back home. Both shook to their core. As they were back at the loft, showering, they were both exhausted. The emotions had gone from an ultimate high to low in mere minutes. They laid in bed, trying to turn off their thoughts.

“Stel. I’m so incredibly sorry. This is all my fault. Because I couldn’t let this go. You could have been taken from me. On our damn wedding night. I’m your husband. I’m supposed to be your safe place and protect you. We haven’t even been married a day and I’m already failing you”

“Kelly. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. You wanna know what I think? You pursued this to get drugs and bad men off the streets because that is the man you are. Always protecting people. As for me. Don’t you get it. You did everything you possibly could to save me. Not caring about saving yourself. This is the husband you are. You are MY HERO. You could have never envisioned this ever happening. We are here. Together. Husband and Wife. We waited so long for this moment. We will deal with the aftermath of this but tonight I just want to enjoy finally being your wife”

The Severide’s fell asleep, exhausted from the events of the day. No matter what had happened, they had fallen into dreamland as husband and wife. At that moment that was all that mattered.

Chapter 9 ~ Irresistible

6x15. Kelly is no longer able to resist Stella. His walls finally are coming crumbling down.

Kelly hadn’t felt that kind of panic in a long time. That feeling of pure fear. Stella and Otis had been trapped upstairs with ammunition flying. Kelly was desperate to get to her. Boden was ordering him to stay put. Cruz was also desperately trying to go in as his best friend was also trapped. Kelly liked Otis of course but in that moment he was only thinking of the woman he was in love with (whether he was willing to admit it yet or not) all logical thinking had gone out the window. He was getting to her, even if that meant going against direct orders. He knew he would definitely face consequences. He just didn’t care in that moment. He needed to save her. To remove her from imminent danger m. Kelly barreling into the house. Seeing Stella’s radio had gotten hit but so relieved she hadn’t been it. At that point concentrating on getting Otis to safety as he hadn’t been so lucky and had debris lodged into his neck.

At the hospital. Kelly had to face consequences from Boden, who was seeing red at Kelly’s reckless behaviour. Everyone knew including Boden that Kelly cared about Stella immensely. Knowing he had feelings for her as more than a friend even if he wasn’t willing to admit it. Regardless, his actions could have ended badly.

“I can’t go through this again”

He had lost his best friend Shay. He had lost his girlfriend Anna. No matter what their relationship status was. Kelly knew he wouldn’t survive losing Stella. After Boden tore him a new one, Kelly realized he could not think objectively when it came to Stella m. Fear took over. He felt he had to distance himself because when things got really real or hard, that was the Kelly Severide way. So, of course he avoided Stella. Only having short conversations if he had to. Kelly knew he couldn’t keep going on this way after Casey called him out. Knowing how much he loved Stella. The problem was he was never going to be able to think clearly when she was in danger. Those words haunted Kelly. “That feeling, that connection won’t go away just because you don’t want it to be there”

Molly’s was closed. Stella was there completing inventory. Kelly walked in, not entirely sure how he was going to approach telling Stella how he was feeling. As soon as he walked up to Stella the only thought that came to him was how irresistible Stella was to him. Without saying a word she was breaking his brain. He invited her to lunch, still not knowing what he was going to say and then…

“For once just tell me what your feeling”

Kelly was left speechless. His lips crashing into hers. Passion and lust taking over. It didn’t matter that they were in the middle of Molly’s. Neither one of them could stop what had been plaguing them for months, hell even years when they were hooking up casually.

As they both got redressed.

“Well that was unexpected. Considering you have barely talked to me in the past few days”

“Stella, I’m so sorry. During the call. All rational questions thinking escaped me. After getting chewed out by Boden, which I rightfully deserved, I realized when it came to you. I have absolutely no objectivity. The scary thing is I wouldn’t do anything differently. That terrifies me. Denying how I have been feeling just isn’t working anymore. Stella, you are ruining me in the best way. I could keep rambling on how I’m feeling but it come down to one thing. I want to. I need to be with you. You have snuck into my heart for so long now and this feeling is never gonna go away. As much as I love our friendship, it has now gone way beyond that for me now”

“FINALLY. I have felt the same way for so long too, Kelly. I was just scared you didn’t feel the same way”

“I know communicating is hard for me. Stel, hear me when I say. You are it for me. My beautiful girl”

“So we are going to take this jump? Because I am all in”

“All in Stella Kidd. All in”

Chapter 10 ~ Jealous

6x10-6x13. Kelly faces some realizations before convincing Stella to accompany him to the CFD gala.

Jealous. A feeling that Kelly was not accustomed to. In his past relationships, honestly, he didn’t have to put in much effort. Stella Kidd was breaking him. This girl had absolutely ruined him. The denial worked for a while. It was comfortable and safe being her friend. Her roommate. Allowing him to keep things strictly platonic. Then she started dating hazmat Zac. He is a great guy. Good looking and really seemed to like Stella. As her friend, he knew he should be happy for her. She was in a good relationship, and seemed content. He couldn’t though. On the nights Stella would go out on dates with Zac. Kelly would find himself stewing. Trying to distract himself by watching a hawks game. All he could think about was her. Stella. When she would arrive home. A sense of relief would overpower him. She was home…alone. This was becoming torture for him. How much longer could he go on like this? If anything, the longer this went on they were only going to become more serious.

The CFD gala was tonight. Kelly as an officer was invited. This was a chance to get out and have a good distraction from what he had been feeling. Jealous everytime Stella would leave with her boyfriend. That would make Kelly’s stomach turn. She wasn’t supposed to call another man her boyfriend. That was supposed to be him. The fear of losing what they had. Their friendship. Their living situation. The professional complication. Out of fear, Kelly kept their relationship to a friendship and now all he felt was regret. There was a chance he could lose any opportunity. Would he be able to live with that? He was sure the answer to that was a big NO. As he walked out of his bedroom. Dressed in a green suit. Looking up and seeing Stella in a sleek, fitted black dress. She looked breathtaking. So beautiful. Before he could stop himself, he had convinced her to accompany him to the gala and cancelling her plans with Zac. He didn’t feel bad. He felt happy walking into the gala with Stella. Sure, they were just friends. Hopefully in the future she would accompany him to many more galas.

A few days later after shift Kelly was surprised to see Stella in her comfy, staying at home clothes. Sweats, tank top. Her beautifully curly hair in a messy bun. Still, to Kelly she looked gorgeous.

“No date night tonight?”

“Nope..Just taking a night for myself”

“You OK?”

“Yeah, I’m fine”

“Stella, come on. Talk to me”

“Zac and I broke up. Actually he broke up with me”

“What. Why? Kelly tried to hide the happiness that surely was written all over his face.

“You really wanna know?”

“Of course I do”

“He broke up with me because of you”

“ME?”

“Yeah he is convinced something more is going on with us besides friendship. Crazy, right?”

“Anyway, I’m going to have a hot bath”

Kelly was left in his thoughts. Zac isn’t wrong and it’s about time he told Stella exactly that.

Chapter 11 ~ Kiss

6x06. Kelly’s feelings after respectfully pushing Stella away.

Kelly did not sleep well. Tossing and turning. Restless. Having done something he never thought he would do. Rejecting Stella. Not because he ever wanted to. Truthfully, the last thing he ever wanted to do was reject her. That night when he brought Stella home from Molly’s where she had way too much to drink. Stella had been riddled with stress as she unexpectedly had been transferred to the public relations department. So, when she planted a kiss on him. Kelly pushed her away not wanting to take advantage of her vulnerability. Knowing he did the right thing still plagued him. Wanting nothing more than to share a kiss with her. Truth is he was developing big feelings for Stella. He wanted to do this right. Fear took over. Would Stella understand why he pushed her away?

The next morning came way too soon. Stella, still laying on the couch. She was feeling rough. Feeling the effects of the previous night accompanied by a monstrous headache. Stella seemed like she wasn’t holding anything against him. They went through the morning with their normal, witty banter routine. However, Kelly still knew he wouldn’t feel relief until they had a conversation. Even if Stella didn’t remember, it was going to be this thing between them.

Later on after Stella had a long, refreshing shower and settled in on the couch. Turning on a movie.

“Stel. Can I talk to you?”

“Of course”

“So I don’t know if you remember much of last night..But..”

“Oh, I remember”

“You do?”

“Yes Kelly, I do. It would be more than ok if we never talked about it again”

“That’s the thing. I need to talk about it. I don’t want you to have the wrong idea of why…”

“Kelly. I am going to stop you right there. You absolutely did the right thing last night. It was embarrassing. Humiliating even. As I have thought about it…you know, sober. I’m really feeling grateful to you for showing me respect and not wanting to take advantage of me not being myself”

“That is basically what I wanted to talk to you about. I swear, sometimes we have the same mind. Stella, this may be me overstepping but I need you to know if last night had of been under different circumstances. I definitely would of kissed you back”

As Kelly walked away. Stella reeling in her thoughts. What had Kelly meant by that? Did he in fact have feelings for her? Suddenly, her headache came roaring back with her mind racing. Only time would tell as she thought about their possible future.

Chapter 12 ~ Longing

7x11. Kelly feeling heartbroken after his breakup with Stella.

Those words absolutely shattered Kelly. He had lost the love of his life. When Benny unexpectedly passed away. Kelly found himself struggling with many emotions. Grief, anger, guilt and regret. Finding himself digging into a dark hole. Deeper each day that passed. Putting up Fort Knox walls. Avoidance at all costs. Distracting himself into projects but while doing that, pushing everyone away, including his girlfriend Stella. Stella did everything she could to be there for him. Never wanting to stop fighting for their relationship. As days went by, things only got worse. Kelly pushed himself and others deeper down. Stella started to feel their relationship was turning toxic. It was bringing her back to her past relationship. In very different ways of course. There was no abuse. But it was crumbling and she couldn’t just stand by and watch the chips fall. Not with Kelly. She loved him too much to watch it implode.

After the call Stella assisted Kelly under the bus. They had a job to do, they were both professionals. No matter what was happening in their personal lives. Stella did not even hesitate to assist Kelly. He thanked her. “Anytime” Her short response spoke volumes. As he watched her walk away, it broke him knowing how he had pushed her to the brink. He had lost her. A woman that he would never stop loving. He knew he was grieving in many ways. Having a whole new wave of regret which didn’t have anything to do with any grief. He had lost the best thing that ever happened to him. He had taken her for granted. Looking back now, remembering all the times she tried to be there for him, consoling m, supporting and all she needed was something, anything in return from where he was unable to give anything back to her. All she received was walls and more walls.

“This is harder than I thought it would be”

Those were his last words to her as he watched her walk away while in the bunk room. Kelly spent the day orbiting Stella. Watching her train Tuesday. Seeing her light up while offering the pup treats in return for tricks. His sunshine. His light. Who now wasn’t even his anymore. Casey had been seeing Kelly mesmerized by Stella everywhere she was throughout the firehouse. Casey holding up the bat signal. Dragging his best friend out on the roof for a cigar chat. Casey saw just how regretful he was feeling. No doubt he was still head over heels in love with Stella and probably always would be.

As they sat down on the roof looking over Chicago. It was a breathtaking view. Kelly lost in his thoughts.

“So Severide. How are you doing? How are you REALLY doing?”

“Fine” grumbled Kelly

“You are so far from fine”

“What do you want me to say Case? That in the midst of the storm rolling around in my head that I lost the love of my life. The one person who made me a different man doesn’t love me anymore. That I feel like a shell of a man I once was”

“Whoa. Severide. Stop right there. Stella definitely still loves you. I have absolutely no doubt about that. She didn’t break up with you because she doesn’t love you. You know that Sev. This is not the end of you and Stella. Just a little break. You and Stella Kidd are meant to be for eternity. You will have your girl back. That is one thing I am sure of”

“I don’t know Case. I pushed her away. Pushed her to the brink. Why do I always do this? Ruin anything good in my life and she is the BEST thing in my life”

“Take some time. Get your head on straight. Heal from what you’re feeling and what you have been going through. I promise Stella will still be there. She loves you so much Sev. Just keep the faith”

“Yeah. You’re right. I’m not going to give up. She is my forever and she deserves more than the man I am right now. I know I can be that man for her. She’s worth it. We are worth it”

As they finished their cigars. Kelly felt a feeling of hope. Eventually he would have Stella back in his arms. Maybe this break was what they both needed to find their way back to each other.

Chapter 13 ~ Monogamy

8x10. Kelly finally acknowledging Seager’s flirting. Putting himself in Stella’s shoes if the roles were reversed.

Kelly hadn’t been oblivious to Seagers advances as they worked on more OFI cases. He was fully aware of her flirting. It’s not that he enjoyed the attention from another woman. He just didn’t see a need to open a can of worms for nothing. Seager could flirt with him all day long. It wouldn’t change anything. The fact is that he is madly in love with one woman and one woman only. Stella is his forever. She had long changed his bachelor ways. He was a committed, one woman man. He doesn’t even notice other women. Any advances towards him are just ignored. The only woman he sees is the woman he wakes up to everyday. Stella Kidd.

There was a time back in his bachelor days where monogamy seemed foreign to him. Casual dating was Kelly’s MO. He even told Stella at one time that he doesn’t do monogamy. Now, that is when they were casually intimate with each other. Kelly really liked her even back then but of course he was determined to keep any romantic inklings at bay. Scared of opening himself up to someone who he knew had the potential of breaking him (in the best possible way)

They were now in a serious relationship. Been through a lot of ups and down to get to this point. Already gone through a breakup but were as solid as ever now. Kelly’s talents with OFI investigating had been greatly noticed. He loved working on cases. A side passion he has always had following in Benny’s footsteps in that regard. Still, he loved being squad lieutenant but he also loved going on OFI cases from time to time as he had a natural talent solving arson cases.

After working on a few cases with Wendy Seager at this point. They made a good team professionally. There had been a few times that Seagers subtle advances has been quite obvious. Kelly didn’t see a reason to say anything as it did not mean anything to him, he figured ignoring it was a safe bet. He did have to work alongside her while on cases. Also, it just didn’t matter. There was literally only one who captured his attention. He loves Stella. He was only attracted to Stella. Other women were just there in his mind.

The last case they had worked on. Seager had become much more obvious. Might even say was on the verge of crossing lines. Just verbal remarks. Subtle touching his arms on occasion. As much as he didn’t care. He also thought about how he would feel if some man Stella was working side by side with was getting a little too close, it would bother Kelly to no end. Of course, he trusted Stella just as she trusts him. Still, would be a sore spot and felt it shows a lack of respect for their relationship. After Seager asked him to go out for dinner to a nice restaurant to “talk about a case” he knew it was time to put a stop to this.

“Seager. Look. I enjoy working with you. We make a good team, professionally speaking. I need to be crystal clear. I have a girlfriend. A girlfriend that I love more than anything. I have refrained from mentioning anything before but I feel you aren’t backing down. I don’t want any lines to be blurred here. We have a platonic, working relationship. I would ask you to keep it that way if you want us to continue working together on cases. I will not disrespect my relationship with Stella”

Seager felt embarrassed but she understood and promised to back off, keeping it completely professional.

Later at home. Kelly and Stella are enjoying some quality time together.

“So, I told Seager today she needed to back off with her flirting with me”

“Well, Finally. What happened to not even noticing that she is in fact flirting with you?”

“Stella. Of course I noticed. It just meant nothing to me and I didn’t see a need to bring it up with her when there is only one woman I am attracted to and want to flirt with me. With that being said, I also love you so very much. More than anything. I want to show the respect I have for our relationship. If the roles were reversed it would bother me. So, it was time I made clear to her where my heart will always lie”

“Thank you babe. I really appreciate you respecting us that way “

“I always will”

Chapter 14 ~ Nuture

10x14. Kelly offering love and support to Stella before moving to another station to take a lieutenant position.

Stella was feeling so grateful becoming lieutenant. In a perfect world she would have loved to stay at 51 but with Pelham settling into 51. Stella had fought for him to stay when he was unfairly targeted. He deserved to stay at 51. There was a lieutenant position that had opened up at another nearby station. After returning from her GOF trip. Things were very rocky for a while starting with her relationship with Kelly. She had ghosted him before returning. It took many conversations and time for them to get back to a good place. Eventually, they got back to being them again. The main reason why Stella had acted off while on her trip was her anxiety about being a lieutenant at 51. Taking over for Casey. Pressure overwhelmed her to fill such big shoes. After, fighting for Pelham and her the sole reason he still had a position because he deserved to stay. Boden had put a good word in for her and now she had an opportunity to become a leader with a new team, at a new station. She had her confidence back and knew she would be a great leader where ever that would be. What was plaguing her now is leaving 51. Leaving her family. Not seeing Kelly everyday. Her fiancée being a presence at 51 with her was a constant. After a bad call. When she needed someone to talk to. It was hard knowing she wouldn’t have her family beside her anymore. Stella enjoyed her last shift at 51. Soaking in everything. They would all still be in her life outside of work. Still her family. As she said her goodbyes, Kelly and her headed home to spend some quality time together as they now worked different shifts and their time together would be limited for now. They had a strong foundation. Knowing they would figure it out. They always would.

Stella was very restless as Kelly had settled in to watch some TV. Stella continuously walking back and forth from bedroom to living room. Not able to sit still. Kelly started to chuckle. Secretly thinking how adorable she is. Sure, she was nervous but it made Kelly’s heart skip a beat at the thought on how much Stella cares. She was nervous because she wanted to be a good leader. Being a woman lieutenant would bring on challenges among men. Leading a team was so important to her and this opportunity meant so much to her. Kelly knew he had it a little easier. He was bred into this career. Hasn’t had to move stations and has had the benefit of having his family everyday. Some have left and come but the core group has remained the same. Kelly has natural avenger capabilities. Also, as it still is such a shame being a woman leader in the CFD is still challenging for any woman, but if anyone could change that way of thinking it was Stella Kidd.

“Stella. Babe. Please just sit down with me”

“OK”

Stella snuggled into her fiancées chest.

Kelly softly whispering.

“Stel. You are gonna be so great. I’m so proud of you”

“I’m just scared. Somewhere new. A new team. Not having you and my family there with me day after day”

“That’s true. But you have the confidence and are already such a good leader. There might be hiccups at first. It may take some time to get in a groove with your team. You will make it your own. You will grow your team and it will be amazing. You know what makes me sad? The fact that I won’t have a front row seat everyday to see you excel as one of the best leaders I have ever seen. Just remember one thing. I am just a phone call away. Anytime you need to hear how great you are. I will be happy to reassure you”

“You are such a softie, Kelly Severide. Thank you for always being my soft pillow to land on. How did I get so lucky?”

“For one. I’m the lucky one. For two. I will always be a soft landing for you. I love you, Stella Kidd. Oh I’m sorry, lieutenant Kidd”

“Don’t you forget it lieutenant Severide”

Chapter 15 ~ Open Arms

11x01. Stella comforting Kelly while he is dealing with the aftermath of what happened on their wedding night.

To say Kelly was seeing red in the aftermath of their wedding night was an understatement. Pryma trying to reassure him that he is safe now. “I’m not worried about me. My wife was almost killed” That is what was consuming Kelly. His decision to pursue this could have gotten Stella killed. That thought alone made Kelly wanna scream. Knowing there was a dirty cop that divulged information on where the newlyweds were. Their wedding night had turned into a living nightmare. As he stood outside the loft returning home to his wife. He had to be thankful his wife was alive. She was here with him. Although, the guilt was still consuming him.

“Are you OK?”

“I could of got you killed”

“Don’t do that”

After Stella had reassured her husband this was not his fault. He drapped himself into her lap. Stella knowing her husband needed comfort. Kelly clinging onto her tightly almost as if he would never be able to hold her ever again. Stella running her fingers through his hair, lightly massaging.

“Kelly. You need to really understand. This is not your fault. You were trying to keep people safe, like you always do. There is absolutely no way to know these assholes would be tipped off to where we were”

“I know Stel. I know. I just can’t let go of the fact that because of me pursuing this that your life was in such peril danger. It breaks me knowing how close I was to losing you”

“Kelly. You didn’t lose me. I’m right here. I’m here because you saved me. Stop, putting this guilt on yourself. It kills me seeing you suffer like this. We just need to try to move on from this. We are married now. I have never been so happy in my life. We aren’t going to let Campbell take away our moment. We need to celebrate us being husband and wife”

“Im not used to being the one needing comfort in our relationship. That’s usually my job. A job I take very seriously I might add.”

“Well. We are a team. It’s about time I returned the favour. You always take such good care of me. Every once in a while you need to let me take care of you too. Are we clear?”

“Copy”

Chapter 16 ~ Perfect

10x11. A continuation of the “I wanna be perfect one for you” conversation.

Stella returning from her GOF trip had been tense, even awkward. Kelly was still angry and hurt by Stella ghosting him before she returned home. They had talked about everything. Stella assuring him she in fact still wanted to marry him. Shutting down a worry of Kelly’s that she had been with someone else. Stella explained why she had ghosted him. Experiencing a moment of panic about becoming lieutenant at 51. Stella explaining she thought Kelly would have been disappointed in her. Kelly shocked. How could he ever be disappointed in her? Still, even with her explanations and he accepted her reasoning. He couldn’t help but still feel angry. Feeling that Stella had abandoned him. As much as he wanted to just move on. He couldn’t. So, he put up a wall. Sure, they had sex, he kissed her when she initiated intimacy but Stella could sense he was just appeasing her. He really wasn’t engaged with her like he always has been. Stella knew she had royally screwed thinks up. Now, she was terrified she had screwed things up so badly that there would be no coming back from it. Her dream of building a life with the only man she would love was in serious jeopardy. She didn’t know how to fix this. Kelly was getting more angry and annoyed the more she apologized.

“No one is perfect, not even Stella Kidd”

“Yeah. I just want to be the perfect one for you”

“You are the perfect one for me”

In that moment. As he wrapped his arms tightly around her, she had felt for the first time in days they were slowly getting back to where they were.

Later as they settled into bed for the night. Stella was still restless. After a passionate session of love making. Stella, still feeling anxious. Kelly had fallen asleep. Stella kept tossing and turning. Finally settling on her back. Eyes wide open. She was thinking maybe she should just go to the couch so she didn’t disrupt her fiancée. Kelly waking up and seeing the anguish on Stella’s face. Knowing her mind was circling. Kelly felt he had a valid reason to be angry with her these past days but now he felt broken seeing how she was struggling with guilt and regret. Noticing she had been quietly crying. That broke his heart. No matter what. He never wanted to be the reason she ever cried. As angry as he was with her. She was punishing herself for days now. So vulnerable with her own regret. He had reassured her she was completely forgiven and he wanted them to move forward. He meant what he had said. She was the perfect one for him. Always had been, always would be.

“Stella. Baby. Talk to me. I can see you are struggling”

“I’m sorry I woke you up”

“NO. Don’t be sorry. Just talk to me”

“I’m so grateful you forgave me. I just don’t feel I deserve to be forgiven. I made you doubt me. Made you doubt us. I never ever wanted to hurt you in that way”

“Stella. Sweetheart. Stop it right now. Shall we go back to all the times I made you feel this way. You put up with me, my walls, lack of communication. All of it”

“Yeah. And I broke up with you because of it”

“Stella. Listen. Things are different now. We were dating for a short time when that happened. We were just starting to build our foundation at that point. Now, we are engaged. We have gone through so much together and we are so much stronger together. And remember after our breakup, it didn’t take long for us to find our way back to one another. Even through this. I never once thought about us breaking up. I was angry and frustrated. I questioned things, YES. But I never once doubted the love we have for each other. Please, baby. Stop punishing yourself. Everything is forgiven. I love you, Stella Kidd more than anything. I want us to move forward. Look ahead to becoming husband and wife.”

“OK. I promise to stop looking back and just start thinking ahead. Thank you, Kelly. Please never doubt how much I love you. I can’t wait to marry you”

“Me too. Stella. Me too. You’re are the greatest person I have and will ever have in my life. And just so you know. You are going to be an amazing leader. I will remind you of that everyday. No matter what you do with your career. I will NEVER be disappointed in you. Just always talk to me, OK?”

“Deal. I promise. I will never let you down like that again”

“I know babe”

Stella fell into a deep sleep. All the anxiety slipping away. Curled up into her fiancées arms.m

Chapter 17 ~ Queen

9x13. Kelly’s pride for Stella after helping Alia.

Kelly was always proud of Stella in what she does on a daily basis. On call after call. Nothing prepared him for this day. On one shift she had absolutely shown everyone what an absolute bad ass she really is. Kelly had tried to get her to go home as she was set to take her lieutenants exam the next day. She was nervous. He wanted her to take some time for herself. Try and relax. She was having none of that. Knowing she would go stir crazy sitting at home. She wanted to be productive. As they got a call. It was gruesome. A man was hanging from a tree with a branch piercing right through his torso. They needed to relieve the pressure to bring him down. The longer he was left hanging, the more the tree branch would puncture in deeper which would cause more damage to his internal organs. Severide was ready to cut the tree but the problem was cutting the slack. Stella, being Stella. No hesitation spider man climbed the tree. Got up behind the victim who was now hanging on. She used all her strength and lifted him upwards to release the slack while Kelly cut the tree down and hooked the ropes where they were able to slowly bring him down to the stretcher waiting. Kelly, was proud. Telling his girlfriend if it wasn’t for her he would of had no chance of survival. She had given him a small chance.

When they returned to 51. Stella had received a panicked call from a girl. This had been the second time a weird call came for her. Before the call, this girl had called but had hung up before Stella could get some information. As she told Mouch who was working the desk to transfer any calls to Kelly’s office where she would be studying for her exam. Not long after she received another call. This girl, was terrified. Had disclosed she was once in the GOF program which answered the question of how she knew Stella. Throughout the day, Stella wanted to help this girl knowing she was in serious trouble with bad people. She had enlisted Kylie’s help to find out information about this girl. Kylie able to find previous sign up sheets and remembering her voice. They had a name. Meanwhile, Kelly and Boden went out searching for her. Stella had kept Alia on the phone reassuring her. As Stella kept her on the phone, had Kelly on her cell. Had a brilliant idea for Boden to turn on the sirens and would know if they were close as she was able to hear the sirens through the phone. Boden and Kelly were able to save Alia and her brother from gang members. On the way back to the firehouse after taking Alia and her brother to the hospital. Kelly couldn’t believe what had taken place. They were safe not thanks to him but Stella. Her quick thinking and smarts saved them. He always knew how amazing she is but this just reinforced the many reasons he loved her.

The next day as Stella was preparing to leave for her exam. Kylie knocking on the loft door with Alia. Who tearfully thanked Stella for saving her life. Never giving up on her. Of course, humble Stella reassuring her she had saved herself. Alia had asked to come back to GOF. Stella feeling such pride for the girls and program she was so passionate about.

As she was leaving, Kelly giving her last words of encouragement.

“That is why you are going to be a great lieutenant”

“You got this, Stella Kidd”

After a long, lingering kiss.

“I really need to get going. Just wanted to thank you for always helping and supporting me. You played such a big part in helping Alia. I’m so grateful for you always having my back, never questioning me”

“Well, your welcome. But this was all you. Stella, I am so proud of you everyday. Yesterday just cemented what an absolute bad ass Queen you truly are. I am so proud of you, babe. I also know you are going to crush this exam and become a remarkable leader. Because you already are and have been for a long time now. I get a front row seat to seeing your greatness”

“You are such a wonderful man, Kelly Severide”

“You had a big hand in making me that man, Stella Kidd. Now, go crush that exam. I love you”

“I love you, Kelly Severide”

Chapter 18 ~ Reunited

11x10. Kelly being reunited with his wife as she woke up in her hospital bed.

Stella had to have shrapnel removed from her abdomen after the fall out from the grenade call. She had not yet woken up from anesthesia. Kelly had updated everyone at 51 in the waiting room and they all retrieved back to 51. Kelly sat at her bedside. Hand placed on top of her blanket covering her legs. As he sat, staring at his wife. Even in a hospital gown, oxygen prongs in her nose, hooked up to vital sign machine. She has never looked more beautiful to him. God, he had almost lost her again. They had only been married months and her life had been put in danger not once but twice now. All stemming from this damn Campbell situation. He was so angry with Pryma, continuously dragging him into these dangerous situations where it had essentially been Stella who was a main casualty of it. He was supposed to protect her. He is her husband. He kept failing her. Again, she never ceased to amaze him. Trying to save Pryma and what she had done in that house to keep her team safe. She was just amazing. The love her has for this woman, his wife was priceless. He continued to watch her peacefully sleep until he himself fell asleep. This day had been exhausting. Filled with anxiety and fear. Kelly knowing his wife was going to be ok was able to close his eyes and wait for her to open those beautiful brown eyes.

Later, Stella woke up. Spotting the water on her bed table. Realizing how thirsty she was. As she reached for the glass. Letting out a grunt as it was extremely painful to move. The shrapnel removed was quite deep in her abdomen. Kelly immediately hearing her and woke up from his slumber. Seeing the pain she was feeling.

“Hi. Baby”

“Ugh. This really hurts”

“Lay back down. Let me get your water”

Kelly handing his wife the glass of water. As she took a big sip he couldn’t stop staring at the beauty in from of him.

“Kelly. Babe. Your staring. I’m ok”

“Stella. I’m not gonna ever stop staring at you. I could have lost you. Again.”

“I know baby. I’m sorry you went through this. But I’m really ok. Gonna take some time to recover but I’m gonna be just fine. Gonna take a lot more than a little grenade to get rid of me, Kelly Severide”

“I can’t explain how good it is to hear your voice, seeing those gorgeous eyes looking back at me. My amazing wife. But can you please just stop trying to give me a heart attack?”

“I believe I have said those exact same words to you”

“Yeah you have”

“ Have you been here all night?”

“I’m not going anywhere”

“Kelly. Babe. You are so tired. I’m ok. Why don’t you go home. Take a shower. Have something to eat, get some rest”

“Stella. Sweetheart. I appreciate the concern for me but I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE until I walk out of this hospital with you”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought”

“Get some rest, my love. I will be right here”

Chapter 19 ~ Sensational

10x12. Kelly reacting to Stella’s leadership on her first call as lieutenant. FINALLY Stella getting a ring.

Stella was feeling very nervous on the morning before shift. All the tension between Kelly and Stella had evaporated. They were back to them again. All had been forgiven. They were full steam ahead looking towards their future. That morning Stella had been rambling, which Kelly thought was adorable but he also knew she only got that way when she was nervous.

“Stella. Relax. Babe. Your gonna be great. Don’t get in your head. You got this, Stella Kidd”

As they got the first call which all rigs had been called to. It was Stella’s stage now. Her team encouraging her. She was in charge and they would be right behind her. Needing squads assistance with rescuing a man who was stuck in an escalator panel. No hesitation once they arrived at the call. Her ordering squad, including Kelly on what she needed from them. Kelly was overjoyed to take orders from his fiancée. The man had been successfully rescued. Receiving medical attention. After Stella ordered truck to pack up. Walking away from Kelly. He looked up and saw Boden who both had an elating smile on their faces, so proud of their girl. Kelly knew there was no reason for her to be nervous as once she was on a call, it would be just second nature for her.

Later, all the officers were trying to figure out a way to help Pelham who was being unfairly targeted as a means of revenge from a past mistake. Sarah, a firefighter had been pressured by an officer in much higher ranking to falsify a report to essentially end Pelhams career. This girl had been involved with helping Stella with her GOF program. With the assistance of commissioner Hill. Stella was able to talk with Sarah and allow her to see what women can accomplish in the CFD. Going through with something as serious as falsely accusing someone, trying to unjustly ruining a career would only hinder her future as a firefighter. Eventually, Sarah came around and rescinded her statement.

Everything came a head at the CFD gala. As Kelly walked Stella out to the balcony in the freezing cold Chicago night. As he told her how strong and brave she is. “I am the luckiest man in Chicago” and there it was to Stella’s shock. Kelly pulled out a ring to put on her finger. Stella crying at this point. After everything they had been through. She had a beautiful ring on her finger symbolizing their love for one another and their future. On the road to getting married.

Later, at home. As they had a passionate round of love making. Stella admiring her new piece of jewelry on her left finger.

“I gotta say. I’m so impressed with this ring. It’s so beautiful. Did you pick this out by yourself”

“I sure did”

“Nice work, Kelly Severide”

“Well it took me long enough to put a ring on your finger considering we have been engaged for months now. You deserve to have something beautiful, you know to match the person you are. The love of my life. I cannot wait to marry you, baby”

“Marrying you, my beautiful man is going to be the best day of my life and I can’t wait for that day”

Falling asleep in pure bliss. Kelly and Stella knowing they had forever to look forward to.

Chapter 20 ~ Torch

8x01. After getting back together. Kelly and Stella expressing to one another how they never stopped loving each other being apart.

Kelly had planned a special date for Stella. They had gotten back together. After a perfect reunion at the cabin. It had been literally perfect. Still, Kelly wanted to plan a special date night for her. Showing her just how much he loved her and how eternally grateful he was to have her back in his arms again. She was his girlfriend again. And he wasn’t letting her get away ever again.

Stella was so happy to be back together with her love. She was broken and lonely without Kelly. Yes, she had ended things but she know saw that it was a good thing. The little break was everything they both needed to realize the love they had for one another. Both fighting for their relationship. She never for even one second stopped loving him. She knew he was her forever. So, getting back to this point was purely joyful.

Their date was amazing. Kelly took her to a beautiful restaurant along the pier. Which Donna had recommended. As they walked along the pier. The beautiful night sky shining down on the water. It was heavenly. Both basking in one another like love struck teenagers. Hand in hand they continued their evening stroll. As they stopped, looking into one another’s eyes.

“Donna recommended it. Said to take someone there for a special occasion”

“What special occasion”

“You”

This man always had the right words to captivate Stella’s heart.

“Kelly Severide. You always know the right thing to say to make me feel so special. You are such a charmer”

“Only for you”

“Stella. I am so grateful we are here right now in this moment. The torch I have for you will NEVER stop burning. I have and will never love someone the way I love you”

“Kelly, you are my shining light that will never dim. I love you more than anything. Thank you for fighting for us. Even through the hard days with us you never gave up. Always seeing the worth of us”

“Stel. We are forever and nothing including me is going to come between us ever again. I promise you”

“Right back at ya baby”

As they continued walking hand in hand. Knowing they were right back where they wanted to be. Many more special date nights to come in their future.

Chapter 21 ~ Unconditional

8x07. Kelly confessing to Stella it doesn’t matter where his career takes him, as long he has her.

Kelly Severide underneath it all has a heart of gold. And for just not Stella but his 51 family. He made a sacrifice to go to OFI temporarily to help with back log in return to save Herman’s career as a lieutenant. It is just the kind of man Kelly is. He did love to work on OFI cases. He just didn’t want to do it day in and day out. He took a lot of pride in leading his team as 51s squad lieutenant. However, once he knew how a cop was unfairly targeting Herman. The choice was simple as he gave Grissom a ultimatum. He would only go to OFI in return for Herman’s safety. He would make this choice for any of his family at 51. He was also firm. He would help them clear their backlog and then would be free to return to 51.

Kelly realizing he would miss everyone at 51. No one more than Stella. Best part of his day was sneaking loving glances, or little kisses around the firehouse. Even more, on a few occasions. That is what he was going to miss most. They were now in a fully, committed serious relationship. He knew she was it for him. The last woman he would ever kiss, ever love. What made this choice easy to temporarily leave 51 was at the end of each day he would go home to Stella. They didn’t even officially live together but they spent every night together. Their living situations was just a formality now. He might not get to see her at the firehouse everyday for now but he would be able to fall asleep and wake up next to her.

Later that night. Stella had come over for the night because of course she had. They were standing together by the big loft window overlooking the beautiful Chicago night sky. Stella was overwhelmed with pride at how her boyfriend had the most amazing heart for everyone. The sacrifice he was making for Herman didn’t surprise her at the fact he was putting someone else ahead of himself. It was just the man he is. The man she loves.

“Your a good man, Kelly Severide. Are you really ok with going to OFI?”

“As long as I get to come to you, I will be ok”

“I’m without a doubt, the luckiest girl in the world”

A long, passionate lingering kiss insued. Many passionate kisses.

“Kelly I’m so proud of the man you are. Sacrificing such a change and helping Herman in the process”

“He’s a great lieutenant. He has always been such a good leader. He doesn’t deserve to lose it all cause of an asshole of a cop”

“That’s true. But don’t sell yourself short babe. What you have done is a sentiment to the man you are. The man I fell in love with and for the record will always be in love with”

“Thank you, baby. I meant what I said. The reason this is even remotely doable for me is the sole fact that at the end of the day I come home to YOU. On the shifts you are working nights don’t be surprised if I make a appearance at the firehouse to steal some kisses”

“Oh I can’t wait for that. On the nights I am not working you will always have me to come home to”

Kelly knew he was going to be asking Stella to move in with him. Just waiting for the perfect moment. For now he was content having these moments, together.m

Chapter 22 ~ Vows

10x22 prelude. A little AU of both Kelly and Stella talking with their best friends Casey and Brett about what they want their vows to represent.

The much anticipated wedding was right around the corner. Only a couple days away. All the last minute preparations had been taken care of. All the 51 family had pitched in to make this a wedding to remember. Everyone had been waiting for this day to finally come for Kelly and Stella. They all had a front row seat to their love story which began 6 years before. There were ups and downs for the couple but at the end of the day no one doubted these two would end up here. The love they had for eachother was eternal. They were one another’s soul mates. Always meant be together. Marriage was such a big deal for both of them and their pasts had caused some nerves. With all of that they had made it to this moment and there was no nerves, no hesitation. Both Kelly and Stella couldn’t wait to become husband and wife.

They were spending the last couple nights apart. Stella staying with Brett. Kelly at their home with Casey. Casey and Brett were not only a good couple together but both giving the couple advice on what is really important.

“So, Stella everything is good to go. How are your vows coming?”

“Ugh. I’m so frustrated. There are so many things I wanna say. When I write them on paper they sound muffled. It’s giving me such anxiety. Why is this so hard? I know what I feel for Kelly. What I have always felt. It just seems dumb when I see it on paper”

“Stel. You are overthinking this. You and Kelly’s love story is one for the ages. Everything you have been through and overcame to get to this point. You don’t need to write the words you wanna say on paper. When you walk up to Kelly, the words will come to you just speak from your heart. I promise you, anything you say will bring that man to tears”

“Thank you, Brett. You’re right. I’m putting way too much pressure on this. I know the words will come to me when I see him. Just like they always have”

Meanwhile at the loft…

“Sev. Want a beer?”

Casey had been watching Kelly grunt off and on while staring at paper in front of him.

“Sure”

“Severide. You look stressed? How is the vow writing going?”

“How does it look?”

“You know I’m not a man of many words. I just never thought I would have this much trouble. I know everything I feel for Stella. She’s my whole damn world. Why the hell can’t I put it on paper? This is ridiculous”

“Severide. Relax. Look, it doesn’t matter what goes on that paper. You could write a book. As soon as you see Stella walking towards you in a beautiful wedding dress, none of that is going to matter. Only thing that is going to matter is her. I assure you the words you wanna say will come to you and we will probably have to cut you off. Ring a bell or something”

“Nice Case. You are right though as soon as I see her I probably won’t have a leg to stand on, literally”

“Severide. Look back at the past 6 years. My gosh it’s crazy to think back. You the ultimate bachelor. Mr. casual dater. It was a revolving door. The day Stella walked through the door. It was like the world did a 360. As much as we all had reservations about two firefighters in the same station dating, we all also knew there was no stopping it. You and Stella were and still are a force. Meant to be. She changed everything for you, Sev”

“She sure did. Literally flipped my world upside down”

“Right. Those words will be easy once she is standing in front of you. Just go back to all the memories you have shared”

“Thank you, Case”

Tomorrow will be life changing for Kelly and Stella. They will finally be taking the next step into marriage.

Chapter 23 ~ Worry

8x09. Kelly feeling concerned for Stella’s well being after her car accident.

Kelly had been worried for Stella for days now. She had been burning the candle at both ends. Shifts at 51, working at Molly’s and teaching a class at the academy. Boden had recommended her to teach a class and Stella couldn’t imagine letting him down. It was becoming evident there wasn’t enough hours in the day. Stella wasn’t sleeping and starting to run on fumes. She had become unfocused on shift which caused Casey to having to come down hard on her.

Everyone was noticing the change in Stella. Her exhaustion was starting to seep through. Kelly was at OFI full time. However, when he would see her for few minutes he was fully aware that she was taking on to much. He wanted her to slow down. Stella being the perfectionist she is. So he let it go. Not before he had a conversation with Casey asking him to watch over Stella. He hated not being able to be at the firehouse everyday, if he couldn’t be there at least he would have someone to watch over her.

As Stella, Brett and Foster walked out of 51 after shift. Noticing just how exhausted Stella was. Stella trying to convince her friends she was fine. Not buying it. Brett sternly telling Stella she was calling in to the academy on Stella’s behalf and ordering her to go home and sleep. Stella finally agreed and realizing just how tired she was. As she got into her jeep to go home to rest. All of a sudden, it happened so quickly. Stella ran a stop sign which caused another vehicle to T-bone her jeep. Everyone at 51 had been walking to their vehicles after shift, all running to Stella’s aide after hearing the crash. Stella was conscious and alert with a gash on her forehead. The other vehicle had a young girl that had been injured, nothing serious.

As Stella sat in the waiting room at the hospital already having her face dressed in a small bandage. She was waiting to hear an update on the young girl. Stella feeling so guilty for getting in her car in the condition she was in. 51 family was all there to support Stella. As everyone was impatiently but quietly waiting. The hospital doors opened and Kelly running through the doors. Casey had called Kelly to tell him about the accident. Reassuring him Stella was ok, but he knew full well that wouldn’t matter. Kelly would need to see for himself.

“Hey. Are you ok?

“Yeah”

Brett and Foster came out and gave an update. The girl was fine. Only minor bumps and scrapes. Stella was so relieved. Still, feeling so guilty.

“Can I please take her home now?” muttered Kelly.

“Yes. Take her home. Please Stella, get some rest” replied Casey

Later at the loft…

Stella was resting in bed after having a hot, relaxing shower. Kelly sat down beside her while she sprawled into bed.

“Stella. Baby. Please get some rest. I have been so worried about you”

“I know Kelly. I have been pushing myself to hard. I realize after today that I need to slow down”

“Good. Thank you. When I got that call from Casey. It was one of the worst phone calls I have ever gotten and I never want to get a call like that again. Stella, baby. You are so amazing at everything you do but everyone has a limit. I love you so much”

“I love you too, Kelly. Thank you for taking care of me”

“I always will”

Kelly knew in that moment as he watched Stella fall into a deep slumber that he would always worry about her. That is what happens when you love someone the way he loves her. He would also always have her best interests at heart to keep her safe.

Chapter 24 ~ XoXo

9x15. Kelly and Stella pampering one another with hugs and kisses after Kelly’s impromptu proposal in the middle of a fire.

Kelly didn’t exactly know how he would propose to Stella. He knew when the timing seemed right he would just go for it. He knew he needed to get a ring and he would very soon. He hadn’t anticipated it the moment would come in the middle of a call, a blazing warehouse fire. When Stella joined Kelly to help him as he was alone trying to fend off the inferno. As they started breaking windows. Questioning Stella for not going with her team.

“Im never gonna leave you, don’t you get that by now”

There it was. The moment he had waited for. This was it. Kelly not giving a shit they were in the middle of a fire. This was their moment. Ripping off his helmet and mask. Getting down on one knee. Stella looking down at him, also ripping her helmet and mask off. It happened. The great Kelly Severide down on one knee asking Stella Kidd to be his wife. Stella said yes. No reservations.

After shift, two lovebirds left drapped all over each other. Still, no one knowing Kelly recklessly proposed in the middle of a fire. They would tell everyone at 51 in due time and maybe leave out some of the finer details. Tonight, was just about them. Spend quality time together in newly engaged bliss.

After many passionate sessions of love making. Both exploring each other bodies from head to toe.

“Kelly. Today was perfect. I don’t want it to ever end”

“It will only get better”

“You know we have a whole 4 days off. I don’t even have a shift at Molly’s for a couple days. What ever will we do with all this free time?”

“Oh I can think of a couple things”

“Oh Kelly Severide, you are such a charmer”

“Stella Kidd, you haven’t seen nothing yet. I plan on spending the next couple of days ravishing you, all well peppering you with many hugs and kisses. Never leaving this bed”

“That sounds perfect”

As they looked forward to their future. Marriage and eventually kids. There was going to be plenty of hugs and kisses.

Chapter 25 ~ You

7x02. Kelly realizing Stella is his one and only. As she fought for her life, Kelly fighting for the life she deserved. Expressing himself to her at her hospital beside.

The tower fire had been an inferno straight out of the movies. Multiple stations from all over the city fighting the blaze.

Stella’s alarm started blaring which meant she was dangerously running out of oxygen. Her head knew she should get out of the building but her heart wanted to help Kelly. Her boyfriend. The love of her life. All rational thought had gone out the window. Unfortunately, Stella was unable to make it to Kelly. She had run out of oxygen and collapsed. As Kelly had just rescued a child in Kelly Severide avenger style. By scaling the outside of the building, many floors up with a little boy in his arms. Kicking in a nearby window away from the flames. The little boy was safe. Feeling elated and proud. That feeling of pride was quickly extinguished when he heard the most awful words through the radio “MAYDAY! MAYDAY! KIDD IS DOWN” Kelly rushed to where he knew she was last. Helping Herman pull her lifeless body through the fire, carrying her outside to the waiting stretcher with Brett and Foster desperately giving her medical attention. They had a pulse but she wasn’t breathing which required her being intubated. Later, at the hospital Kelly was fighting everyone. He was terrified. Riddled with fear of losing her. Fighting the doctors to not removing her lung which would essentially destroy her whole career. Eventually getting escorted by security out of Chicago Med. Thankfully, April his long time friend. A nurse at Med had advocated for Kelly and essentially Stella. They came up with a plan to save her lung and her life. It was risky but worth it in the end.

Kelly was anxiously sitting in the waiting room right outside of Stella’s room where she was still sedated under anesthesia. All Kelly could do was reflect. Thinking about how long he had loved Stella. Not willing to admit how he felt for a long time. Feeling he had wasted so much time. But also, if they had jumped right into a quick relationship it may of burned out as soon as it began. Instead, they had built an amazing friendship. A friendship that they both cherished. They were able to move from friendship to a romantic relationship. Kelly feeling they did everything the right way.

“Kelly. She’s awake. Wants to see you”

As Kelly was taken out of his thoughts with April’s voice. He excitedly stood up, still in his bunker gear, walking up to Stella. All he could do was stare and smile at her. After just having major surgery and barely awake from sedation. Kelly thinking she never looked so beautiful.

“Stop”

“I’m so glad your back”

“Of course”

Kelly broke down and collapsed into her. All his emotions pouring out in one moment.

“Kelly, it’s ok. I’m ok. Thanks to you. I heard about you fighting to not only save me but also my career. I don’t know how I will ever thank you”

“Stella. You don’t have to thank me. I would do it all over again, for you”

“Are you ok? I can see you mind spinning right now”

“Stella. When your alarm went off, why didn’t you get to safety? You know how reckless that was”

“I was trying to get to you. I wanted to help you”

“I heard. I could of lost you. I was so close to losing you. I have suffered many losses throughout my life. Stella, I honestly wouldn’t survive losing you. Please don’t do that ever again”

“Copy. Lieutenant”

“YOU. Are everything to me. I love YOU so much. I am crazy in love with YOU”

“And I love YOU, Kelly Severide. So much”

As Stella drifted off to sleep. Kelly sitting right at her bedside and wasn’t going to leave anytime soon. Thankful to have her alive, still with him. A lot to be thankful for.

Chapter 26 ~ Zealous

10x15. Kelly reassuring Stella exactly where he wanted to be.

Kelly would go and work on OFI cases often. Usually with Seager. It never bothered Stella much. However, lately she was really noticing how well they worked together. She had witnessed Seager giving Kelly googly eyes for some time now. It just seemed lately Seager was calling for him to come assist her at whatever hour. Seager had been hurt which truck had been called to. Kelly and Cruz were there assisting. Stella had seen the closeness and for the first time she was feeling jealous. She completely trusted Kelly but it didn’t curb her insecurities. She could see Seager’s attraction to Kelly, hell she wasn’t even trying to hide it anymore. So brazen. It was making Stella crazy. Stella found herself venting to Kylie. Rambling, not able to stop herself. Stella would ramble when she was nervous or something was eating away at her.

Stella never wanted to be that girlfriend. She was never a jealous person. She just couldn’t help it anymore. Kelly and her had just gotten through a rough patch after she returned from her GOF trip. Kelly had worked on multiple cases with Seager but given how Stella had ghosted him during the end of her trip. If she brought up Seager recently. He would snap at her. Not because something was going on but Stella not having the right to question anything when she wasn’t communicating. Kelly reminding her, he wasn’t given a chance to tell her about working on cases with Seager. Stella felt it was a no win situation. She would just have to let it go.

Kelly returned home after wrapping up a case with Seager. Hearing how Stella had recruited Mason to be the new member on her team. Kelly proud of his fiancée for going after the right fit. As he was strutting towards her, crashing his lips into hers. Stella pushing him away for a moment. Questioning if he was going to get called away while enjoying some sexy time.

“I’m exactly where I want to be”

Later, much later after a much needed love making session. Kelly had seen Stella while Seager was around and knew she was bothered. Honestly, he didn’t blame her either. It would bring out his insecurities as well. Remembering Tyler. Knowing he was in love with Stella. It caused so much turmoil which was one factor leading up to their breakup. Well, how was this different. Seager definitely wanted Kelly it was blankly obvious. So of course this would make Stella a little insecure.

“Stella. I need you to know something”

“Ummm. Ok”

“No matter how many cases I work on with Seager. I will always come home to you. Wanting you. My passion starts and lies with you. I am only attracted to you. She is and will ever only be a co worker. Strictly platonic. I hope you truly believe that”

“I do, Kelly. It just bothers me sometimes and brings out some insecurities”

“Stella. I don’t ever want you to feel that way. I have so much passion and love for you. Seriously, when I see you. Anytime, anywhere. I am so attracted to you, only you. That is never going to change”

“Thank you babe. I will let it go. Guess I can’t really blame her for being attracted to you. God knows how lucky I am to have you as my man”

“She can look all she wants, Stel. But only you get the goods”

Stella knowing Kelly only had eyes for her. She trusted him. Seager would never be a threat.

[kittyprincessofcats]

My favourite Eurovision entries 2023 (pre-Grand Final)

Okay so before the final I still wanted to talk about my favourite entries this year so far (important - please note that these are my opinions before the final and they might change upon seeing all performances again, etc.)

One thing I want to say this year in general is that I don’t really have a clear, outstanding favourite. There are entries I like that I would describe as “good”, but nothing that I would describle as “absolutely outstanding, clearly the winner”.

(For instance, last year ‘Stefania’ so clearly blew everything else out of the park that it was a no-brainer for me - and of course like many other people I voted three times as often as usual in solidarity with Ukraine, which is not a bad thing.)

But this year, I don’t really have that feeling for any entry. Many good ones, but nothing that I would describe as “clearly the best one”.

Anyways, enough rambling. Here are the entires I like, in no particuar order:

- Austria. A song about a writer possessed by the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe. What’s not to love?

- Finland. Do I need to explain this one? They just understood the assignment.

- Norway. It’s just so freaking catchy, such a good melody and such an epic feeling, I love it!!! (Also Norway is still owed a victory from that time the juries stole KEiiNO’s win - No, I’m still not over it and I never will be.)

- Moldova. Apparently every year there needs to be one mythical/witch-y song and this is this year’s. I love it! (Also, if I’m being salty about jury robberies already: Moldova was last year’s real runner up, so if anyone should be hosting “on behalf of” with Ukraine, it should be them.)

- Croatia. An anti-Putin anti-Lukashenko song, but with lyrics that are so abstract and symbolical that they can only be understood through several lenses of analysis, therefore cleverly sneaking past Eurovision’s “no politics allowed” rule. Also the singers are aparently activists for women’s rights, LGBTQ+ rights and against the Catholic Church. Amazing. - My only critisism of this song is that the lyrics describing (what I’m assuming is) Putin as a “psychopath” demonizes people with psychopathy and similar mental illnesses. I get that they probably couldn’t say “genocidal dictator & war-criminal” because of the “no politics” rule, but there was still probably a better word to use there. Still a song I love, but I just wanted to point that out.

- Ukraine. Dear Ukrainians... listen, we need to talk. How come you guys are just so freaking amazing and talented that you’re incapable of sending any bad songs to Eurovision? Huh? What do you have to say for yourselves? Okay no, seriously: When I first heard Heart of Steel, I wasn’t that impressed. My feelings were kind of “Yeah, this is okay, but also a bit boring.” But then I listened to it again and suddenly the entire next day, I had that song stuck in my head. Several times, I was like “What’s this song I keep singing to myself? Oh, it’s Heart of Steel.” Yeah, basically first impressions are often wrong and it really grew on me quickly. I also find the lyrics of staying strong and keeping going even in the face of hatred and “a world on fire” very inspiring - very obviously related to Ukraine’s situation and the war, but I also feel like this song (and through it, the bravery of Ukrainian people in general) can inspire all of us to stay strong no matter what life throws at us. Amazing message.

And yeah, that’s it. No, Loreen’s not on this list and I was frankly shocked to find out she’s supposedly the favourite to win... like, it’s not a bad song by any means, but frankly, I heard it once in the semi-final and have already completely forgotten it since then, so...

Oh yeah also, as a German I just want to say - I’m not going to include our own entry on this list because that’s up for all of Europe to judge (and I also haven’t listened to the full song yet so I can’t quite say if it would make this list), but I just want to say I’m glad we finally sent something that’s at least not boring.

[fangirl-and-doctor-help]

“The door flew open, sprays of rain droplets flying around the entrance followed by a broad man with an angry disposition barreled in, paying no mind how his loudness disrupted the quiet conversation taking place.” Joel is a drama queen and we love him for it 🤣

“It was on you, a glare turned your way at your startled jump, later you’d learn it wasn’t really a glare. Joel’s resting face just looked like that naturally.” I’ve found it. The perfect description of Joel’s face 🤣

“And with that he hitches the thing in his arm higher and swings the door back open, his body fading into the mist of the rainfall until the door closes over the scene.” Epic. Absolutely epic!

“You need to hold it this way, you’re just gonna hurt yourself doing it like that.” Honestly, Joel warming up to people is my favourite thing about him.

“Tommy had warned you it was in rough shape, and pretty ugly, but that it never had many people around, which after years of travelling all alone, is what you were most comfortable with.” I hope we’re going to get glimpses into her journey!

“I didn’t know if I should ask anyone for help, since, uh, no one really knows me. So I just decided I’d do it myself.” Me, literally.

“Nice seeing you, Joel.” She’s so chill about managing by herself, I love it!

“You didn’t share much conversation that night, but you two worked together pretty seamlessly.” Look at them, already in sync

“Seriously. Just ask next time you need help, okay?” I’m swooning

“but you never listen. It feels wrong.” It would be, if they didn’t want you to know.

“Sweetheart, Joel ain’t just nice like that to everyone.” True 😅

“Tommy, someones on my property, touching my things, and I don’t like it. I get that this is a safe place, but I don’t feel safe when I come home and someone’s clearly been there without my permission. If I can’t feel safe here I may as well be back out there.” I’d freak out, props to her for being so calm about it. Especially in TLOU universe

“You’d rather be shoved into a room with Clickers than keep having this unknown feeling arise anytime Joel came up.” That’s a little… extreme. But who am I to judge?

“What? It’s true, he never shuts up about you during dinner anywa-” this is Joel in my mind:

“Just as you were approaching your first trap, the water droplets picked up and turned into steady rainfall.” Uh oh

“I care, so why the fuck don’t you?”

“But I needed time to myself, without you.” Ouch.

“There are other ways to get to listen.” I choked on my tea, thank you very much

“Your eyes could pop out of your face at the realisation you were having. He knew. He fucking knew. “How did Tommy-” as much as I appreciate Tommy and Maria trying to get them together, I can’t get behind spilling someone’s secrets!

“He doesn’t know how to show affection otherwise!” ELLIE ❤️

Writing’s good. The plot is interesting. Everyone is in character. Smut is delicious. Why isn’t this fic everywhere??????????????? READ THIS PEOPLE!

Confused Warmth

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 12.3k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort with happy ending, smut, p in v, oral (f receiving), romantically inexperienced reader, mutual pining

Note: it took me a few days to summom the courage to post this here, but i really hope you enjoy it! Prequel to Distracted Mistakes and Past Retribution

Softness and warmth surrounded you, and yet your mind felt anything but calm and comfortable. The blanket draped over you should be enough to lull you into a comfortable sleep, but the warmth emanating from the body next to you is a constant reminder of what you’ve done. The quiet breathing along with every rise and fall of their chest yells at you for not just doing what they’re doing and fall asleep. 

But you can’t. You replay in your mind what actions directly led you to right now, and even worse, how this will affect your relationship entirely. You never expected this in your life. Not in general, and especially not with the person sound asleep next to you. Afterall, you were told when you first arrived in Jackson that Joel Miller is a difficult man to know. 

Czytaj dalej

[dreamrdad7]

Been listening to Pearl Jam’s more underrated studio albums lately. Started with No Code, then Binaural and today Riot Act.

Riot Act is such a freaking good album and I don’t think it gets enough credit or recognition aside from in hardcore fan circles. It’s also extremely nostalgic to me. There are both fond and bittersweet memories associated with this album.

Right off the bat, Can’t Keep is such an addictive singalong. Save You rocks your socks off! Love Boat Captain is simply epic and makes me think of 9/11 sometimes. I Am Mine is one of their greatest songs ever. Thumbing My Way is so gorgeous in its sparseness. Amazing lyrics here! “All the rusted signs we ignore throughout our lives, choosing the shiny ones instead… No matter how cold the winter, there’s a springtime again… there’s no wrong or right but I’m sure there’s good and bad…” You Are is so unique in its sound. Green disease is reminiscent of Versus. Bushleaguer is just so early 2000s when the worst thing we could complain about was George Dubya, not knowing how much the situation would deteriorate… So many great songs! It’s an album very of its time.

[mizkit]

new blog post: Picoreview: X-Men '97

new blog post on https://mizkit.com/picoreview-x-men-97/

Picoreview: X-Men '97

Picoreview: X-Men 97: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok, just to get this out of the way:

this post will contain spoilers, so if you don’t want spoilers, look away now

I loved it almost unconditionally, so I’m going to talk about the things I think they did wrong more than the ones they did right :D

Okay? Beyond this point, spoilers are on you. Although I’m going to start by talking about the Chris Pine Star Trek movies, so you have some space to look away in. :) (There are, mind you, also spoilers for the second of those movies. :))

A friend of mine is not a Trekkie (I know, how can it be?!?), and found the entire emotional plotline of Star Trek: Into Darkness to be completely baffling, because she had no context to recognize the reversal of Spock’s death in Wrath of Khan in Into Darkness. From her perspective, she’d spent about four hours with these characters and for two and a half of them, Kirk and Spock hadn’t seemed to like each other much at all, so why was Spock suddenly so freaked out over Kirk’s impending death?

“It’s like fan fic!” she roared indignantly. “It doesn’t work if you don’t know the original context!”

She was absolutely right. I, who knew the original movies/context, was in bits (even if the storyline was hopelessly contrived and should have been done…differently), but without that, indeed, even with it, it was absolutely fic.

And herein lies the problem with X-Men ’97.

Broadly speaking, I LOVED how fast and loose they played with bringing in so many epic storylines of the 80s and 90s. That was amazing. But. But. The fast and looseness really made a hash of some of the emotional beats, and even I, who had every bit of necessary context, kept going, “Really? REALLY? Just like that?”

The Forge/Storm/powers storyline was the worst, for me, but the Scott/Jean story was a hell of a Hot Mess, too. There wasn’t nearly enough sense of time passing; we snapped from “o no storm lost her powers and is in the desert with forge” to “ororo i WUV U” with absolutely no justification, and we jumped from “scott just found out his wife is a clone and lost his child” to “jean is real mad scott’s not over losing his clone wife and child and is spying on him mentally” (which, sorry, that just didn’t work nearly as well with Maddie as it did with Emma for SO MANY REASONS, including, MADDIE WAS HIS WIFE AND THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD, FOR GOD’S SAKE, YOU REDHEADED PSYCHO! AND YES! I KNOW YOU ARE ALSO HIS WIFE! IT’S VERY COMPLICATED! BUT STILL! WHAT THE HELL!).

I think both of those storylines could have really worked, but they both needed to be spread out OVER THE SEASON because they made absofuckinglutely no sense shoved into an episode and a half. I didn’t expect Storm to get her powers back for YEARS. I had no interest in seeing Jean and Scott a suddenly United Front again when there was SO MUCH DOOM to unpack there!

(And let’s not talk about Scott stopping Xavier from stopping Magneto specifically to save Jean, which I do not believe Jean would have supported as an action, because we’ll be here all day.)

And this is with me knowing all the stories they were drawing from. I have at least one friend who was watching with her husband, who is not an X-Geek, and he was getting whiplash over the nonsensically rushed Forge/Storm storyline because it just made no sense without the comic book history backing it up.

So I loved it, I loved it, I LOVED it, but my GOD I feel like there were at least two complete episodes left on the cutting room floor. It’s animation, so there’s probably not really two complete episodes lying around, but if there were I would pay good money for them. It was SO GREAT that where it missed, it missed hard, and that is such a shame.

…however, Remember It didn’t miss one single goddamn beat. Holy shit. My ever-loving God. I genuinely spent the next two days in slack-jawed shock and the rest of the week processing. Like, seriously. Holy shit. That was perfect, up to and including (again, totally invisible if you don’t know the original comics) Gambit’s reversal of role in the Mutant Massacre*.

Everything. Everything about it was incredible. That DANCE, holy sweet SHIT. I ship Romy but don’t mind Rogneto, and that was HOT.

NIGHTCRAWLER. He was SO PERFECT. My goddamn HEART. KURT. MY LOVE. KURT. Not just in Remember It, but the following episodes! SO GREAT!

And HANK, putting Trish in her place. Hot damn. And VAL COOPER, I LOVED VAL COOPER BACK IN THE DAY, I’m SO GLAD she’s had a real role in ’97! Nobody remembers her, but I loved her!

And, I’m sorry, but literally everybody being all shocked over Rogue dropping Trask, like my dudes, you had a telekinetic, a teleporter, and Morph who apparently isn’t just able to look like people in this version of X-Men, he can actually FLY, so like, get over your own shocked selves, AT LEAST three of you could have saved him, but Wolvie called it: she did what they were all thinking. HNF.

AUGH. IT WAS ALL SO GOOD. Except the bits that weren’t, dammit. :)

*I never really bought his role in that, anyway. They’d been intimating for ages that he had a Dark Secret and I feel like at some point they went “well, shit, we have to give him a Dark Secret, let’s retcon his involvement with the Mutant Massacre into place,” and pffff.