#don’t forget the biphobia

[pollyanna-nana]

I usually don’t give a hoot abt petty ship drama but you try to put Huntlow on the same level as re/ylo I will personally remove one of the little balancing pads on every chair you sit on for the rest of your life

[kitabearuwu]

can u post that cute fanart of ben talking to his online gf here on tumblr pls🙏

Yes yes, I made this way back when the series released lol, before I had the theory that Brooklynn is catfishing him

Honestly I’ll just repost what I said in the TikTok caption too because I think this is a good opportunity to spread awareness about an issue in the JWCC/JWCT fandom

And that is unintentional biphobia

With the reveal that Ben has a girlfriend (whether she’s real or not), a lot of people have been saying that he can't have a girlfriend because he's gay and not straight

It feels a lot like fans are forgetting that just because a person is in a straight passing relationship, it doesn't mean they're necessarily straight

Ben having a girlfriend does not at all diminish the possibility of him being LGBT, specifically because he could be bi, pan, omni, unlabeled, etc. The characters really shouldn't be boiled down to just "gay or straight", because it leaves out a lot of identities that really need representation

This issue has happened multiple times in this fandom, firstly with Kenji and Brooklynn (everyone disliked that Kenji was not gay when he also could be bi/pan/omni) and then with Yasmina (everyone continued to call her a lesbian when her story is inherently written to be of someone who is attracted to multiple genders). Ben is allowed to have a girlfriend and still be LGBT sexuality wise. It's really disheartening to see fans discarding the fact that he could be something other than gay

TLDR Ben can still like men but ignoring the fact that he has a girlfriend is ignoring that he could be written to be bi/pan/omni/unlabeled/etc

[imoanurparentsnames]

happy bi visibility month to all bisexuals!

this includes:

bi lesbians/bi gays/bi hets

bis that also use other mspec labels to describe themselves

bis that are aspec

trans bis

nonbinary bis

gender non conforming bis

drag artist bis

poc bis

disabled bis

intersex bis

butch bis

femme bis

bis that aren’t visibly queer

bis that are visibly queer

bis who reclaim slurs

bis who have a preference

bis who don’t have a preference

neurodivergent bis

out bis

closeted bis

bis who have been abused/harassed/attacked

bis experiencing internalised biphobia

ALL BISEXUALS!!!

and don’t forget, our month is halloween eve!

[bi-dykes]

“Harlivy are lesbians, Joker literally abused Harley and Jason literally abused Ivy, there was no love there” I see where you’re coming from since Jarley and JasonIvy are horrid and disgusting abuse, however 1) Harlivy are bisexuals so at the very most you could only say “I wish they were lesbians instead” or “I don’t like how the writers wrote them” (mind you there’s biphobia in both of these statements too… but at least you won’t be just entirely incorrect and going off canon) and,

2) You are… forgetting a very pivotal part of abuse. That some, if not most victims often love and are attracted to and care about their abuser and cannot imagine why at all the person they adore wants to hurt them. It becomes a vicious cycle of hoping they will become better for you and they never will. By saying that Harlivy are lesbians and not bisexuals bc they “chose” to be in unsafe situations, you are beginning to add to the narrative that bi women “deserve what they have coming”. Bisexual women have higher domestic violence, abuse, and sexual assault rates than straight women and lesbians, so saying that Harlivy can’t be bi bc they have been abused is like saying that calicos can’t be felines because they’re cats. and,

3. Jarley and JasonIvy aside since they’re abusive, what about these absolute malewifes? Scrunguses who would take their bi girls to pride. They’d watch Barbie with their gf’s and rob a bank to pay for their manicures. They would give Harley and Ivy lemon bars and kittens. Look at them. In the disastrous case that Harley and Ivy somehow don’t end up together, it would be cute to imagine they had these supportive bf’s in another life. and,

4. The idea that two women who escaped shitty men and blossomed a relationship with one another can only be a story for lesbian characters is a very monosexist take for… no good reason to be honest. Harlivy can still be super wlw super sapphic, the girlfriends to ever girlfriends, and still be bisexual. Their bisexuality isn’t stoping anything.

[posi-pan]

https://www.tumblr.com/toyherb/748434177303658496/geiser-i-know-pansexuality-is-not-just-going-to?source=share

i saw this and do you know if this is true or not? because it made me sad / feel bad because before i came out (i didn't have plans to, at first) i was thinking long and hard on which labels fit me to the point of having sleepless nights because of it and then i found out about pansexuality due to this blog and that made me feel peaceful inside and that's how i figured out that this label fit me.

and now everyone on that post is like: think long and hard on the labels you use!!!! i don't want to exclude anyone. i don't want to erase anyone. this label just fits me. it fit me then, it fits me now. it's as simple as that.

sorry to dump this into your askbox during pride :((((

that post is absolutely not true. i have many posts on here calling out the idea that pan is somehow damaging bisexuality or whatever. pansexuality is not biphobic, individual people are. if someone is saying something biphobic, it’s because of their own flawed thinking or understanding, not because of whatever their sexuality is. funny how many heterosexuals and gay men and lesbians say horribly biphobic things, yet i don’t see any viral posts about how heterosexuality or gayness or lesbianism are biphobic. that logic only applies to pansexuality, i guess. *eye roll* it’s almost like the goal isn't calling out biphobia, the goal is spreading panphobia.

(and let’s not forget that pansexuality and pan people did not create any of these misconceptions about bisexuality that panphobes always talk about. those existed before pan got any kind of mainstream visibility. and don't believe panphobes when they say pan folks “changed the definition of bisexuality” either, as that’s just another panphobic lie.)

you don’t have anything to worry about. the only people doing damage are the people who make and share those kinds of posts telling people they’re queerphobic and hurting the community because they use a different word. pan has always existed and wasn’t created to be biphobic or transphobic and has always been welcome in the bi community. claiming otherwise is what’s wrong and damaging.

and idk when op posted that, but the earliest replies i saw were from 2020, so it’s interesting that people are sharing a years old post where the go-to example of a pan person being biphobic is even older: miley cyrus in 2016 saying she hates the word bisexual for putting her in a box. which. i remember that and pan folks, including myself, were criticizing her word choice. (even though she simply said she doesn’t like that label for her own sexuality and feels it’s too restrictive for her own sexuality and feelings. which isn’t queerphobic ffs. queer people of all kinds feel certain labels are too restrictive or don’t fully encompass their feelings. like. why is it only bad when a pan person says that about bi? i’m so tired of the double standards. also, where are these people when bi celebs are spreading biphobic narratives? they’re awfully silent then.)

please try not to give panphobes like that the time of day. their words have no weight because they’re rooted in hatred and queerphobia. they do a good job of masking their panphobia in supposed sadness about biphobia or concerns about the community (and sometimes wrap their message in faux intellectualism), but all of that rings false when you know where they’re coming from and what their intentions are. pan people are just trying to live our lives as authentically as we can, with language that feels true to us. panphobes on the other hand are actively spending their free time trying to make other queer people feel bad for *check notes* using different words. as if that isn’t the most ridiculous thing in the world.

i hope this helps make you feel better!!! and no worries about sending this during pride!! 💖💖💖

[c4rvey0urnameint0mybedpost]

‼️ WARNING: Some spoilers for the Novel ‘The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo’ and spoilers of quotes that spoil parts of the book‼️

I found myself wondering who Taylor was talking about in ‘…Ready for it?’ With the lyrics

“And he can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor,”

The lyrics are about Elizabeth Taylor and one of her husbands Richard Burton. Now, I got very excited when I saw it was a reference to Elizabeth Taylor ‘cause, she is one of the inspirations of my favourite book ‘The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo’, wich, if you don’t know, is a queer book about an old Hollywood (around the 1950’s) actress names Evelyn Hugo (Not her real name she had to change it for a couple of reasons) who ends up writing a Tell-All book at the age of 79, and ends up telling the story of her youth as a famous actress in the 50’s through to the 80’s and her “Seven husbands”.

But, it turns out that almost all of her husbands were beards. She ended up falling in love with one of her co-stars, her name was Celia St.James. It’s such a beautiful book and so deeply upsetting, you should read it!

Anyways, Evelyn was a Bisexual woman and Celia was a Lesbian. The book touches on topics like, Homophobia, Biphobia, Racism, Sexism and a lot of other things as you can imagine.

So, the fact that Taylor referenced Elizabeth Taylor has made me so happy! Though, this isn’t to say that it was a reference to Evelyn Hugo, it certainly is fun to think so!

Some of my favourite quotes from the book are:

“Please never forget that the sun rises and sets with your smile. At least to me it does. You’re the only thing on this planet worth worshipping.”

“I spent half my time loving her and the other half hiding how much I loved her.”

“But if you have to go, then go. Go if it hurts. Go if it's time. Just go knowing you were loved, that I will never forget you, that you will live in everything Connor and I do. Go knowing I love you purely, Harry, that you were an amazing father. Go knowing I told you all my secrets. Because you were my best friend.”

“You wonder what it must be like to be a man, to be so confident that the final say is yours.”

“I'm bisexual. Don't ignore half of me so you can fit me into a box.”

“Say to them, “Evelyn Hugo just wants to go home. It’s time for her to go to her daughter, and her, and her best friend, and her mother.” Tell them Evelyn Hugo says good-bye.”

“And just as she was about to leave the mircophone, she said 'And to anyone tempted to kiss the TV tonight, please don't chip your tooth.”

“It’s not wrong,” Celia said. “It shouldn’t be wrong, to love you. How can it be wrong?”

“It’s not wrong, sweetheart. It’s not,” I said. “They’re wrong.”

“The love of my life is gone, and I can't just call her and say I'm sorry and have her come back. She's gone forever. So yes, Monique, that is something I do regret. I regret every second I didn't spend with her. I regret every stupid thing I did that caused her an ounce of pain. I should have chased her down the street the day she left me. I should have begged her to stay. I should have apologized and sent roses and stood on top of the Hollywood sign and shouted, 'I'm in love with Celia St. James!' and let them crucify me for it. That's what I should have done. And now that I don't have her, and I have more money than I could ever use in this lifetime, and my name is cemented in Hollywood history, and I know how hollow it is, I am kicking myself for every single second I chose it over loving her proudly.”

And the most famous one from this book that you may recognise from TikTok;

“No … because they are just husbands. I am Evelyn Hugo. And anyways, I think once people know the truth, they will be much more interested in my wife.”

If you have read all of this, thank you very much for listening to me. I have a lot of feelings about this book. It’s so good, I love it so much.

[whilereadingandwalking]

There are all kinds of small ways that biphobia & panphobia persist in the way we think about relationships and love. I don’t consider myself to be in a “heterosexual” or “straight” relationship even though I am dating a heterosexual man, because I am not heterosexual. I am pansexual.

A lot of people don’t think it matters because I’m in a committed relationship, but my identity is not simply something for me to put on a dating app. My identity is part of who I am and is a constant. Despite what some seem to think, a bi cis woman is not only part of the queer community if she’s dating someone who’s queer. And she’s just as bisexual no matter who she’s dating at the time. Two gay men don’t stop going to Pride after they get married. Their label doesn’t vanish off of them when they’re no longer “on the market.” I am pansexual no matter my relationship status.

It’s important to me to say so because people also often just…forget. I’ve had a number of loved ones simply forget that I’m not straight. I don’t have an accumulation of “proof.” I haven’t dated widely, and I haven’t brought anyone who wasn’t a cis man home to meet the family. And so it slips people’s minds. There are benefits to being straight-passing as a couple, and I don’t take those for granted. And maybe the mistake is understandable, but it still stings when someone who you’ve actively come out to offhandedly comments to someone that you aren’t gay, and you know their follow-up is, “I mean, she isn’t really…”

You see this a lot in fandom spaces as well. People who believe someone is either straight or gay. Binary. Who never consider…bisexual. Pansexual. Somewhere else in between.

So beware of pan and biphobia this Pride Month, and try to celebrate all of the queer people in your life.

[bisexualfagdyke]

I headcanon a character as bisexual who is a fanon lesbian so routinely that people forget that’s not canon so I don’t talk about it cause I feel like people would roll their eyes and call me a lesbophobe and block me and report me to the police if they found out. But she is an agender they/she/he bisexual. To Me.

I absolutely agree with and wholeheartedly support ur headcanon no matter who this character is ‼️‼️ THIS CHARACTER IS AN AGENDER THEY/SHE/HE BISEXUAL!!! CONFIRMED AND CANON!!!!

And also YES ppl will forget things are literally not actually canon and will act like you just committed a heinous crime when ITS. NOT. CANON. This is genuinely so seriously monosexism/biphobia like omfg . People's hostility towards bi headcanons (of characters commonly seen as lesbians / gay men – even when it's not canon) is so unbelievably Not Normal... if u hc a character commonly seen as bisexual as a lesbian or gay man nobody would react the way they do to bi headcanons!!! 😭

[beanghostprincess]

Dipping in and saying transfem Sanusop is great but also just that transmasc Sanji has just a real special place in my heart. He’d probably join the crew already transitioned, just because I can easily see Zeff just being immediately supportive of his boy, and nobody ever questions Sanjis gender ever. He’s „blackleg“, „pervert“, „lovecook“ Sanji and nothing is ever gonna change that. Enter Sanuso tough and things get more complicated because Sanjis ideas of what makes a man are weird and nonsensical at times and him being a „ladies man“ is something he prided himself in and now he has to come to terms with the fact that: No, most straight men don’t regularly think about what it would be like to be in a fulfilling relationship with another man, no not even to „just see what it’s like“, most straight men don’t get those types of butterfly’s around their best friend. And poor Sanji is having an internal struggle because a weird part inside him feels like this somehow invalidates his gender. Bad times and dysphoria all around. Usopp may actually even already know that Sanji likes him back but doesn’t know how to proceed past this issue. He wants to tell Sanji that he loves him, that he would love for him to be his boyfriend, but nothings worth putting Sanji trough a mental breakdown and the thought that them being together would somehow make Sanji feel like a „false man“ is just horrific to him. In my mind they navigate trough it eventually just because I love fluff, but they have a slow burn type of relationship with lots of two steps forwards one step backwards types of progress.

Oh, I absolutely love this.

I've said it already a couple of times, but even if I'm very fond of transfem Sanji, I think transmasc Sanji works just as well with his character and story. He's so trans that no matter what you like, you're probably going to be right. Unless you think he's cis. Then you're definitely wrong. He's trans in every way possible.

His whole view on women and the fact that he worships them so much would have played, in my opinion, a big role in his gender discovery. He would feel so guilty and just... Wrong rejecting womanhood. Like- If he thinks women are the best thing the world has ever created, then why is it so hard to be one? He would have it rough, honestly, accepting himself. Especially after escaping the Vinsmokes and trying to forget all the things they said about him (and how many of them are related to femininity). But I think everything would get easier with time after getting adopted by Zeff. He transitions and he's finally happy with himself (almost, because he still has to fight every day against his own thoughts and past. But at least he's more comfortable in his own skin, now).

And everything goes well from there. Except when he meets Usopp.

It's not that Sanji thinks being gay means being less of a man or anything. He keeps saying he has nothing against gay people and he's being completely genuine there. But his own view on masculinity and what it means to be a man for him includes being a ladies' man. Liking women. Only women. That, and the fact that men and manhood have brought so much pain to his life, make it really hard for him to accept that he's in love with Usopp. With a man. Besides, he has created this persona- This different personality (slightly different from his own. Just a bit more confident and a bit happier and stronger and everything he thinks he's supposed to be considered a man, including liking girls) to feel like a real man. And he is a real man. He knows this. He just feels like if he doesn't follow the right norms he has established for himself and his own masculinity, everything will fall apart.

So, yeah, he kind of has a whole crisis when he realizes he's in love with Usopp. I love talking about Sanji's internalized homophobia/biphobia because I honestly think it's such an interesting topic... But I don't want to make this too long, so I'll just say that he would have a really hard time trying to accept this. The situation would make him angry at himself and even angrier at his surroundings. It would also make him isolate himself because, of course, he won't ask for help. And if Usopp (his best friend) enters a room, Sanji will get out of there just as quickly. His brain is a mess. My poor boy.

Usopp knows, of course, because it's not hard to tell when Sanji is in love with someone. But of course, he won't say anything until Sanji is ready to say something first, because it's pretty much obvious that he's having a hard time, and it's even more noticeable because he becomes more and more and more annoying when it comes to women now. He tries to overcompensate and reaffirm his gender by acting like the ladies' man he tries to be (it doesn't work). And Usopp doesn't mind waiting for Sanji, even if it takes him years, but he can't bear to see Sanji doing this to himself without doing anything to help him.

Not gonna turn this into a whole fanfic because if you're asking me this you probably know my posts and how long they end up being because I turn them into whole one-shots at this point- I swear I won't this time!! But!!

Just saying that Usopp trying to talk things out with Sanji and Sanji having a whole breakdown + Usopp comforting him and saying that they don't have to rush anything if he doesn't want to, that they can go as slow as Sanji wants. That he would wait forever for Sanji. And Sanji accepting to date him and getting used to being loved and loving in that way... I don't know. It feels like a good way to reach the fluff you were looking for with a bit of angst and slow burn first!!!

[alexiaugustin]

if i see people defending shadow and bone’s shallow established gay couple fanservice they used to rope in more viewers from the obsessed with gay couples crowd by calling it "queer joy" one more time i’m actually going to start biting people. what exactly is queer joy to you people?? two men hooking up with each other and then getting their arcs and complexities erased so they can immediately jump into a relationship and play the happy gay background couple for the rest of the show???

"finally a story with queer joy representation!”. okay. please point me to the scenes in the books where the characters were dealing with- and their relationships were effected by (internalized) homophobia. i’ll wait. was the well developed and well written relationship between a black bisexual teenager and a gay disabled teenager in the books too complex for y’all?? was nina and jesper openly talking about their bisexuality anything but queer joy? was nina, a bisexual fat women, in an established relationship with a man who adored her not queer joy??

if y’all are so concerned about queer joy then maybe start worrying about how the implications of jesper forgetting who wylan was because he lost track of all his hook ups are insanely biphobic. or how they erased nina’s bisexuality completely. or how they almost completely erased the lesbian relationship of the two women who are canonically in an established relationship during the shadow and bone book they were adapting this season.

the truth isn’t that y’all actually care about "queer joy" because clearly you don’t have much to say about the biphobia and lesbophobia on that show, or that there wasn’t queer joy in the books because clearly the books weren’t lacking at all, it’s just that most of you only love queer joy when it’s two men fucking by episode four of a show and that is that at the end of the day

[redheadbigshoes]

Might have sent this ask already idk tumblr is weird

Not well-verse in online queer discourse but the whole bi lesbian thing pisses me off. So like, bi women in lesbian spaces exist and there are two types

1) the gay leaning bi woman, cause like if she identifies more with being wlw shes gonna be in wlw spaces. But 95% of the time if shes dating a man she's not bringing him to the lesbian bar.

2) the "im technically bi but i dont really care about men or want to deal with them" sapphic. Sometimes they call themselves lesbians. Sometimes they call themselves bi or sapphic. None of them bringing men to lesbian spaces

The second type is what i assumed the bi lesbian discourse was about. Like someone just wanted to give full disclosure. So i was confused what people were talking about. But the fact that ppl are fighting tooth and nail to include men in lesbianism, and then accusing other ppl that dont vibe with that to be transphobic and biphobic gets me so bothered you dont understand. Like why are you so intent on including men in an identity that excludes them

Im a lesbian but i love bi women so much, so the "biphobia fighters" that keep attaching bi women to this "lesbians can be/date men" has me fucking murderous cause why would you do that to them? And im not gonna sit here and act like lesbians cant be transphobic, no sexuallity is the "transphobia free sexuality". But like, we're talking about trans women/transfems right? Not a binary trans man that still wants to call himself a lesbian? Cause while i can sympathize with the fear of falling out of a community you grew up in, i am not gonna attack a lesbian for not wanting to date a trans man.

Sorry for rambling in youre askbox. This thing has me mad on every possible side

I feel like people also have to learn to understand the difference between wlw/sapphic spaces and lesbian spaces. When people use so much lesbian as an umbrella term for any wlw people tend to forget lesbians are also not attracted to men and that is also an important aspect of our identity. A lot of people tend to think we only suffer because of our attraction to women while we also do suffer a lot from not being attracted to men.

The bi lesbian discourse is partially about the second example you gave tbh.

Tbh the whole “lesbians can date men” coming from “bi lesbians” is usually rooted in transphobia too lol, both because they think trans men can be lesbians (which just shows how they don’t really view them as men) but also because they’re transmisogynistic so they think if a lesbian is attracted to a trans woman that is not so different than being attracted to a man…

People love attacking lesbians no matter what.

[hextwin]

-ˏˋ⋆ HEXTWIN ─── an independent, highly selective, private, & headcanon based roleplay blog for the character of EDRIC BLIGHT from THE OWL HOUSE. ┈┈┈ themes such as: abuse, neglect, manipulation, war, oppression, classism, mental health (such as: depression, self-loathing, anxiety, & autophobia), & death will be present on this blog. minors dni (18+ only). crossovers welcome; however, only to those that are listed in the blog's verses.

・┆representing as coven head is: pandora, 25+, please read rules. info doc.

જ⁀➴ affiliated with: tba.

temp rules:

No godmoding, no metagaming, no nonmutuals reblogging threads, no anon hate/hate in general, keep your drama away, no vague posts (unless positive).

No racism, transphobia, homophobia, biphobia, ace/arophobia, pedophilia, incest, etc.! Don’t misgender me (they/them) or others (accidents are ok).

While OCs are wonderful creations that I enjoy seeing muns put their heart and soul into, I am picky when it comes to them. I’ve had many adlibs, many who forced plots, and many who pushed their ships on me. I write with MANY original characters so do not be discouraged from following and pursuing threads around tumblr, even if I do not follow back or interact with said muse.

Please tag my triggers on your blog: sexual assault/rape. I will do my best to tag yours as well, but if I miss any, which I will since I am human, do take some time to first help your mental health (your health first always) and then approach me to tag it in a polite manner. I will then tag it for you.

NSFW will not be taking place on this blog (sexual themes). Edric is a minor in most of his verses and even when he is an adult, I do not feel comfortable writing it myself!

I have memory problems, so if you could please be kind to me if I forget something, I would greatly appreciate it forever!

tba.

[euphorial-docx]

ok maybe i’ve just been seeing way too many twitter arguments about this, arguments which i don’t think really exist on tumblr, but i guess i wanted to share my opinion here.

when i was reading atyd a few years ago, i never read the characters being misogynistic in a “oh this author must hate women” type of way and more in a “sometimes people in the 70s were misogynistic without even realizing it” way.

like… i don’t get it when that’s included as like a “problematic” feature of the fic, because i felt it was realistic and i feel strongly that writers can write bad characters/bad things without they themself agreeing with those characters and things.

i simply don’t think writing something bad = endorsing it.

idk maybe it’s been a while since i last read atyd, and i know it does have some poor representation in other areas, but i never really felt offended as a “woman” (whatever that even means for me) when the characters said some misogynistic stuff because i just accepted the fic as a period piece trying to be somewhat realistic. like i’m sorry, a lot of guys in the 70s said some weird shit about women— yes, probably even the guys you like. ofc not every author has to be realistic about that stuff, but clearly a little bit of realism was an aim for atyd, and i don’t think that’s bad.

even in my own writing, i write stuff i don’t agree with. for example: opev. regulus is very progressive in that story because of his education and blah blah blah, and yet he still treats women, namely emma, in a way that i don’t necessarily like. i would never treat someone like that, but i realize that not only is the time period’s views different from now but also regulus has his own personal reasons to be behaving the way he does. i also write stuff like murder and cannibalism… but i am very against killing people and i am vegetarian. clearly i do not practice the things i write in my personal life.

i’m just telling a story that happens to have complex behaviors that i don’t really like but wanted to explore. i think, in some instances (although not all instances; there definitely are some real issues sometimes), that’s what happened in other fics like atyd.

(side note: i also don’t get it when people say atyd was biphobic? again, maybe it’s just been a while and i’m forgetting shit, but is the biphobia supposed to be remus sleeping with women when he labels himself gay??? is that the biphobia? or is there another example? i’ve been seeing that and i’m confused.)

(additional note: atyd does have some hurtful things written in it. my brain goes to the representation of irish travelers first. the writer themself has even acknowledged that. the issue of their apology or whatever isn’t one i’m going to be arguing, neither is those real hurtful issues otherwise written in that fic— i agree those things should’ve been handled better. this is just about my take on the depictions of misogyny and writers being allowed to write bad things without it being representative of them as a person.)

[bi-dykes]

People really forget about bisexuals don't they. It's like bi characters are only there so fandom could headcanon them as gay because gay is even better rep or whatever. I'm just so sick of people throwing away a canon bi character's sexuality just so they could force them into tropes like the useless lesbian trope or what have you.

I appreciate the ask, anon. I feel this.

I remember when I first downloaded dating apps and I thought all the guys would think I’m a lesbian and all the girls would think I’m straight… I was daunted to re-enter the dating world. Basically daunted to exist without changing an aspect of who I am. This shittiness feeling, it echoes all the way to fiction and fandom spaces. And that makes me sad, because gay/lesbian ppl kinda get to escape their experiences of homophobia in fandom spaces and reflect onto gay/lesbian characters, in somewhere that feels more accepting to how harsh homophobia is irl.

Us bisexuals, we don’t really… get that as much? I mean, don’t get me wrong, biphobia irl is like a hundred times worse than on tumblr but like… for centuries, bi has been a footnote for gay/lesbian. And I don’t know how long it’ll take to change that.

I guess that’s why it’s called a “bisexual community”. I usually am not a fan when people say it like “bisexual community”, “the lgbtq community” bc I prefer just saying “the lgbtq” or “bisexuals”. But now? I get it. We really are a community. Bc even tho I’ve never met you anon, you get some pieces of what I’ve been through, and vice versa. And when it gets tough, we can recall that little army of fellow bisexuals that reside in our hearts.

[nikadd]

gonna complain abt biphobia for a second so if you think im automatically annoying bc of that it’s ok, just scroll past. idgaf

for the past few weeks on twitter and in the past on tiktok and im assuming here as well (im just not verging into those waters on here) i’ve seen a lot of weird and annoying things being said abt bisexuals and bi women in general and it feels like one of those things where somebody picks a specific type of a member in a community (here being “a white cis bi girl with a white cishet boyfriend”) as like the so called representative of the entire community and bc it’s like the supposed closest person to being the oppressor then all of the criticisms get to stick. it’s like when ppl add “white” in front of “woman” to make their criticisms not sound misogynistic.

like there are lots of things that are very much issues that bisexuals face in higher numbers than either gay or straight ppl do (such as ipv, for example), and nobody is talking abt it, but if we ever just express annoyances abt micro aggressions or negative stereotypes abt us (that feed into the material oppression we face! the stereotypes abt us being sex-obsessed and promiscuous freaks actually does lead to ppl thinking we can’t say no to sex and that we would cheat on them which leads to physical and emotional abuse!), then suddenly everybody is like “why are yall complaining abt it” “i wish i had your issues” “biphobia isn’t real, what you’re complaining abt is homophobia” “yall chose to date men” “who’s stopping yall from dating men” and it’s like…

we (cis bi women) understand that if we are dating men or somebody who is read as a man on the street then we benefit from being read as straight, but it’s weird when ppl keep talking abt “the real life” when we are talking abt how we are treated within the queer community or we want to address specific things. like many of us DO understand the sense of scale of things, we are not equating homophobic hate crimes to the micro aggressions, but if everything we say is conflated to just being micro aggressions we are blowing out of proportion, then it becomes difficult to address actually important things!

and i do think some of my fellow bisexuals have fallen into a weird pick-me-girl meme within the community, e.g. “i’m attracted to every woman ever and like 3 guys” which sounds like we are supposed to suppress our attraction to men to feel accepted in the queer community and act like it’s such a chore to be attracted to or be in a relationship w men. and im not even talking abt many of them coming to realize they are lesbians, which is good for them! but it just became one of those annoying things ppl just regurgitate and i don’t actually believe that it is an actual way many of them view their attraction, but they want the good queer points so they say it.

and i understand many lesbians’ frustrations w newly-out bi women expressing how they are intimidated by the idea of approaching a woman, but i think sometimes ppl are too quick to call it lesbophobia and that we think that lesbians are scary bc THEN apparently we aren’t living in “the real life” in our heteronormative world where we are taught how to be w men only? like i guess in this situation we don’t care abt what goes on outside of the community. and im glad many queer women are able to overcome it but we often forget how difficult it is to figure it out! and ppl online keep talking abt how weird and homophobic it is for bi women to say this when we should actually be scared of/intimidated by men bc they are more likely to abuse us… which is such a piss on the poor type of misreading of what we are saying. but also victim blaming once again.

like i’ve been out as bi for like 9 years now, had VERY strong feelings for multiple girls over this time (like i’ve had to tell some ppl im bi and not a lesbian), currently in my first ever relationship - and yes it’s with a man. and if i was some kind of famous person on the internet, people would be saying im settling, or im faking my queerness, or looking into my past relationships and seeing nothing there bc ive never dated anybody before. so what then? suddenly im not bi bc i’ve never gone out w a girl? like in my case i never even dated men before bc i rarely like somebody enough to want to go through w anything AND i need to know that they like me first as well so im actually always surprised to find out that ppl date ppl often but that’s neither here nor there.

like all those tweets abt billie eilish abt how she “chose to date an abuser before she ever dated a girl” or dove cameron “making a song abt being a better boyfriend to a girl and now dating yet another man” make me so upset like do they need to go out and date a girl for some kind of queer points for ppl to shut up abt it?

another thing i saw was like “a girl is gonna go to a queer bar or pride, dance and flirt with girls, and then go home to a boyfriend 💀” and it’s like okay so yall don’t want us bringing our boyfriends to queer events, that’s fine (not that my bf is straight and might also enjoy going to a queer event as he’s also queer but who cares abt that, right?) but then we also can’t go to a queer event by ourselves either? like not all queer events are singles-only events! and flirting doesn’t mean you’re being led on! sometimes ppl flirt just because! why does it mean that i need to stop going to queer events that i’ve been going to before dating my bf just bc im w a man now?

like ppl act like it’s not even worth to come out for a bi woman if she’s gonna date a guy / already is in a relationship w a guy. like maybe my identity existed before my relationship and might even exist after it? like im my own person or something?

like i’m so tired of ppl online being “heartbroken” over a hot woman (bonus points if she “looks” gay) being w a man - as if you ever had a chance w her if she was single! or acting like being w a bi woman means that she’s gonna leave you for a man! like it sounds weirdly incelish when i see other queer women online being like “oh ofc a girl i was dating left me for a man 🙄” and it’s like maybe she just started dating a man after you but you’re making it sound like she hated being with a woman and cheated on you with a man and you get to have this high horse about it. like im sure there have been instances where two women broke up and then one ended up w a man and even got married or something but i’ve seen too many ppl paint these situations like ultimate betrayals. like if she left you for another woman it would have been better?

like i know that there are some bi women who Have said/done things that led to these thoughts/complaints, but like the way we (queer women as a whole) have been engaging in these conversations has been very alienating. like there ARE things we need to address within our community (e.g., “everybody is a little bi”, “hearts not parts”, “don’t worry i’m bisexual” when dating trans ppl, etc) but i genuinely often feel more comfortable talking to other bisexuals abt it bc i think some things SHOULD be addressed within the bisexual community first bc it shouldn’t be on other ppl to address these things like we gotta clean our own house yk but it’s often difficult to do so on the internet bc anybody could chime in and divert the attention and take things out of context.

tldr i hate these conversations and all the jokes abt biphobia bc ppl think it makes them more progressive or feminist or whatever and seriously addressing these things suddenly makes me “one of those bisexuals” or whatever. like i know im saying all the stuff we’ve all already said in 2014 in all those “reblog if you believe that bi ppl are bi and not just half gay half straight” but i feel like ppl only agree w this in theory and not in practice and actively believe that every bi woman is a lesbian in denial or a straight woman w a fetish. and it’s fucking annoying.

and yeah it might sound like i’m a chronically online tumblr sjw abt it but the internet queer spaces are like a third space for many ppl and it’s disheartening to see these things and then feel like ppl are just keeping their mouths shut abt it offline but still believe and think this way.

…AND THATS ALL JUST ABT BI CIS WHITE WOMEN.

[faroreswinds]

I’m sure sending you an ask off anon will probably get me put on a list of some kind but fuck it, I’ve already got one unhinged stalker, what’s another one in the mix lmao, and i want to make it extremely clear that I support you in this.

Like it really says something that these stannies absolutely do not quit after four damn years of the same thing. Doesn’t matter how factual you are (correctly citing art history in its original intent and context, canon game dialogue and timelines, interviews, etc), how polite you are, how straightforward you and others are because none of that matters at all to these chumps. This is a straight up gamergate-style sealioning campaign that in the end isn’t really about edelgard at all—she’s just the convenient platform for these people to expound their insane maximalist fandom-as-politics viewpoint that has irreparably damaged houses’ reputation for fans and has conflated videogame communities as a testing ground for in-group loyalty metrics.

Aside from what you and others have already said, it’s telling that they always follow a set script: Church Evil and Fascist, Edelgard Revolutionary and Morally Good, alongside truly reprehensible weaponisation of identity politics and socjus buzzwords. It’s not enough to assert that Edelgard is a pure lesbian hero (biphobia what), it must mean that by diametrically opposing her, Dimitri has to be evil, straight (but when they grudgingly acknowledge his queerness, it’s then asserting that said queerness can only exist within him being repressed and tamping it down because of evil Faerghian misogynist politics, never mind that Adrestia is the biggest misogynist of the continent lol), and singularly obsessed with targeting what she represents; Rhea, the chief architect of all that is evil in Fódlan and directly responsible for its misogyny, homophobia, and whatever else alongside with lobbing assertions of her being a “groomer” (which anyone with half a brain cell not dedicated to being chronically online know is now a popular right-wing argot used to directly target the lgbt community with truly heinous accusations equating them to paedophilia), among other things.

Only extreme statements and buzzwords for the characters, all the time: Edelgard as a hero, Dimitri and Rhea as representatives of ontological evil that Edelgard must defeat with extreme prejudice.

Let’s also point out the fact that in a true debate—because they’re not really debating at all and I say this as a professional debater myself who has won medals for this shit and trained youth teams in my country—the onus on the opposing side has to accept neutral statements from their counterparts. They cannot seriously say that their statements on Edelgard must be taken as fact while simultaneously discounting yours as fiction, because at best that would obviously be called out as ad hoc attempt to muddy the waters; at worst, blatantly trying to control the debate solely with their own parameters as the only acceptable ones, and thus openly attempting to silence dissenting opinions. If they really want to try to convince others that they’re really presenting legitimate debate, they cannot seriously pretend that their actions support that claim when they:

Approach you first and then continue to hound you

Constantly repeat themselves in an attempt to wear you down and confuse you, which is absolutely something that can be penalised in formal debate

Get offended and then accuse you of abuse when you firmly disagree with them and draw boundaries

Let’s also not forget the fact that their actions as a community absolutely do constitute harassment when they’ve been caught gloating about running moonlitboar off tumblr, the revelation that they keep a list of Edelgard critics to monitor them, forcing vas to apologise for expressing negative opinions about Edelgard (note how Rhea gets called so much bad shit but you don’t see Rhea fans calling for her haters’ blood), and even prompting YouTubers to change entire videos to avoid backlash, if not to simply stay in their good graces (and milk them for views and ad cash)

Aside from absolutely garbage essentialist Pure Lesbian Women are from Venus, Evil Repressed Hettie Obsessed Men are from Mars viewpoints, it’s truly mind boggling that they’ve bought into the belief that f/f is somehow purer and “less problematic” than m/m solely because they’ve decided that the heavy mlm moments for the Lions must point to their inherent moral degeneracy, which I would again like to remind them that that is actually homophobic; hell, I’ve seen quite a few using fujoshi as an insult. Let me take the time to explain that fujoshi and mlm fandom in Asia (explained by Asian fans themselves!) has always been seen as a symptom of mostly women fans being disgusting and “rotten,” and that their interest in mlm relationships is not only a betrayal of their gender (and ofc fujoshi as an insult in the west is a popular argument with terfs), but a sign that they’re degenerate and that something is deeply wrong with them.

Never mind that across the world, ff in media has sadly mostly been used as porn fodder for straight, misogynist men, because lesbian sex titillates them while gay sex repulses them. Utena is the outlier in a sea of garbage and said ff garbage is mostly shown as porn anyways. Gengoroh Tagame, a popular gay mangaka, has spoken about how female fans of mlm in japan are often big supporters of lgbt rights. Let’s not even get into the fact that the demographics of most edelgard spaces (like r/edelgard) are of straight men.

I also really despise how they’ve discovered “antisemitic” as a new buzzword. I’m Jewish. I loathe how most people only seem to care about opposing antisemitism when it’s in a videogame or movie, instead of in real life when we get hatecrimed. But it’d be remiss of me not to mention the way my blood boils when edelstans seriously repeat church slander of the nabateans being fake humans, evil reptilians wearing human skins as a disguise for them to manipulate the world from the shadows and using a fake, evil religion as their cover (not to mention how they describe the tenets of said religion as evil and conveniently forge and misrepresent its texts to make it look worse…where have i seen that before), who impede societal development to keep themselves on top, and, as the cherry on the shit cake, as miserly hoarders who keep monumental wealth to themselves and refuse to use it to help others.

Really makes you think then that it doesn’t take much for them to admit they see the Nabatean genocide as a positive, that its completion is necessary for edelgard to succeed (even if they hem and haw about what they think would happen to byleth, Seteth, and flayn), and borrowing from blatant irl genocide denial rhetoric saying that the agarthans (who are literal moustache twirling evil villains) were the original inhabitants who actually got genocided by the nasty coloniser lizards and that their retribution is absolutely justified and understandable. I laugh to think what their though process will be like if they even play the jugdral games.

And finally, since it bears mentioning, they should keep byleths name out of their fucking mouths. As a huge self admitted Byleth stan, seeing them whinge and whine and bitch and moan about poor Edelgard getting criticised really grinds my gears when the last four years has been seeing me constantly trying to navigate a fandom space that relentlessly shits on byleth and says they ruin the games and are nothing but player pandering or when people fucking celebrated the scene of shez killing them in hopes. Edelstans don’t get to try and use them as a prop to prove how edelgard is so good to them (and is so pure as a whole) when we have quantifiable data showing that Byleth smiles the most in verdant wind, has an incredibly strong character arc in azure moon, and that for THREE ROUTES OUT OF FOUR in houses (two if you count hopes scenarios when they’re kept alive) they always end up opposing her, because that is their actual character. Let’s talk about how r/byleth is mostly populated by r/edelgard fans who mostly post porn of fem byleth but have admitted to actually hating her, but liking the fact that she’s got big tits and can be used for yuri fanservice. Or let’s talk about feh: all their alts so far show their loyalty and closeness TO THE NABATEANS. And fuck it, I’m of the opinion that actually the devs’ edelgard bias is what ruined byleth and what made them silent. Because when they’re separated from houses (and thus not in her immediate focus), they fucking shine!!!

Tldr: hi raxis, what’s good!!

Addendum: edelgard has the most 3h alts in feh, cipher card art showing her naked and/or with suggestive costumes, is the most attached to the avatar characters in 3h/hopes/feh of her roster, is named first in the dlc for 3h in engage, has the tea set paired with hreslveg blend, ETC. if that’s not obv favouritism by an obv mostly male dev team, then, well…

Hey, how are you? Hope things are well!

When thinking about that exchange from the other day, @butwhatifidothis had an excellent post that put into words more eloquently than I could about issue:

They are right - I never mentioned it myself because my brain didn't quite go there, but many of the arguments were basically "this character would do this hypothetically", which is nothing more than mere headcanon.

Full disclosure, but I am not a professional debater. I am not even trained. Back in school I famously hated debates because I always felt they relied on twisting facts rather than empirical data. I liked data, that's why I went into the Sciences.

The only debating in Science is whether your results are accurate and if your method is indisputable. Is this ethical? What are we basing our ethnics off of? Proper science doesn't care about your opinions, or how bad so and so was back in the 1700s. Science - and Math - liked numbers, and numbers are cold and inflexible.

So I must admit that debating (not discussions, but debating) do tend to make me nervous at times. I like to learn, and to be challenged on how I view the world. But debating is not a skill I am honestly good at. I can lost track of the original point. I can get discombobulated by the lexicon and factoids when they are rapid fired at me.

That's why I engage in them. It's practice. If I don't do it, I will never get better.

And my untrained eyes could see that this debate... was not really a debate, but a shake-down. I was curious to see where it would go.

If anyone else finds this in this situation, here is my unprofessional advice:

Do not insult or use language that could be misconstrued as aggressive. Remain polite and sincere. Remaining polite does not mean agreeing to everything they say. But, instead of saying something like "You are wrong!" re-word it as "I don't agree with your view" or "I do not believe that is correct".

Do not let yourself be bullied. If this means you wish to disengage, just disengage. Make it comfortable for yourself. In my case, I was comfortable to keep going, but that may not be true for you. They make take this as a win, but you aren't being graded on this and this isn't politics. It's video game stuff.

Use only facts, do not use headcanons or opinions. This makes it harder for the other person to fight you, because you are remaining neutral. If you wish to discuss or bring up something that is not based on text, be sure to make it clear.

Call out when they twist your words. One user claimed that I had once used their name in my post. I never did, so I asked them where I had said that. It forces the other user, if they wish to respond, to either acknowledge they made a mistake, or they risk making themselves look like liars.

Never take it personally. They don't really know you. They are just bored and angry.

Always try to get them to think. This one I am still trying to master. When they make a claim, ask them why they think that. Why are they drawing that conclusion? What if they thought about it this way? If they are regurgitating whatever they have heard from others, they may get tripped up by this. This does run the risk of irritating the other person, but I find it is a helpful tool to both learn and to challenge your opponent to explaining themselves better.

This is the hardest one of all. Do not lose sight of the topic. It is not uncommon for these discussions to go a million different directions. If you lose sight, you may end up on a path you don't want to be on. Stay on topic. I'm still working on this too.

It's really cool that you are a trained debater. If you have any other further advice, or if my advice is terrible, I would love to hear it!

Ultimately, I think many of these types of fans just want to use whatever buzzwords and language they can to not only guilt the other party into bending a knee to their opinions, but to also shame anyone who likes another fictional character.

It's really a shame that other fans feel the need to go to such lengths over someone who is not real.

But per your addenhem, it is true that Edelgard gets a lot of love and attention from IS. She is popular. She doesn't need someone to come sweeping in defending her fictional honor.

Poor Claude really gets the shortest end of the stick in all this. This guy doesn't even have the same number of alts as Dimitri in FEH.

The sexuality stuff confuses me the most. Perhaps it is because my particular sexuality makes up 1% of the population, but I usually don't see why it is such a big deal when it comes to FE. FE doesn't make statements about sexuality. It is not try to teach about sexuality. It is not trying to push an agenda of any kind except the Make Money Agenda.

This weird vilifying fans of who likes mlm content, often framed as disgusting straight fujos who fetishize men. I find this an odd statement. From my point of view, anything that has any sort of sex is fetishizing, period. Straight, gay, whatever.

Well, regardless, thank you for the nice ask. I hope I could give is an answer that gives it justice. :)