#don’t be surprised when I’m still living at home into my 30s because everything is so expensive it’ll make your eyes cross

[captainreecejames]

Can't Have a Good Thing || My ex is a footballer LS2 edition

[masterlist][my ex series masterlist]

summary you go from dating an american footballer to an american driver

pairings ex!christian pulisic x reader, logan sargeant x reader

warnings probably a little anti pulisic but i still love my baby

notes pictures are from pinterest so thank you to all those lovely users (as I wrote this my english teacher from 11th grade came into my job and it was not fun!)

May 2023 ynusername posted -------

liked by cmpulisic, reece and others

ynusername final chelsea game of the season, love you guys

chelseafc awww we love you too yn ❤️ by author

cmpulisic always love having you there ↳ ynusername wouldn't want to be anywhere else

username1 look at my girl dawg, chelsea is embarrassing her ↳ username2 please, christian didn't even play

reece once a blue always a blue ↳ username3 NAH WHY IS THIS SO CRYPTIC ↳ username4 you can't say shit like this then leave DUDE

username5 that chrisyn interaction screams for help ↳ username6 i wouldn't be surprised if they're not dating anymore but trying to keep up appearances ↳ username7 breakup statement incoming ↳ username8 can we get fabrizio to comment on wag breakups please!! ↳ username7 lol can you imagine a here we go! breakup is official! peak comedy

cesarazpilicueta 💙 ↳ ynusername love you too capitan!

July 2023 real life ---------

It’s been a rough few months in the house for the two of you. Christian’s time at Chelsea was most likely coming to an end, and you had just started a new project at work, so your time was filled with that. Nights spent making dinner and laughing together turned to plates left in the microwave and lights out early. Mornings started with short wake up kisses to hardly whispered goodbyes.

In fewer words, the relationship was falling apart. You barely knew what was going on in each others lives anymore, it’s no surprise when he tells you he’s leaving Chelsea.

Chris is still in Florida with his family, enjoying the last few days off before preseason. You had been with him for the 4th of July, but needed to fly back to London almost immediately for a new project and you’re exhausted. When he Facetimes you it’s almost 11:30 at night and your still sitting in your home office, but with how excited Chris is, he can’t tell that you’re operating on extremely low levels of energy. You want to be excited for him, but you can see the writing on the wall.

“Hey babe.” You know what’s coming, but it doesn’t make the shock any less. “I’ve got some big news.” He waits for you to say something, but all you do is blink and nod. “AC Milan are going to sign me.” He waits again for you to say something. “Did you hear me? I’m leaving Chelsea.”

“Yeah, I heard you.” Your lack of enthusiasm confuses Christian.

“Then why aren’t you excited?”

Your apathy turns to frustration quickly and you shift in the chair. “Because, Christian, I’m not just going to blow up my life in London to follow you to a new city. I’ve got a job here and it’s going well. I don’t want to have to start all over again. Not to mention learning a whole new language. Have you considered how isolating that would be for me?”

“So what, I just rot at Chelsea because you don’t want to move?” He is now just as defensive as you, words biting at the holes that have formed in your relationship, making them grow.

“I didn’t say that!” You sit up even straighter, putting your phone down against the computer so it stands on it’s own.

“Well it sounds like you don’t want to leave.”

“I don’t want to pack up my life and move to a new country where I don’t know anyone.”

You could see the fight leave his body as he came to the same realization you did. “What’s going to happen to us?”

“I think we’re done Chris.” You can feel your heart break that last little bit with the words you say. You love Christian, but with everything you’ve gone through, it’s not enough.

twitter ---------

September 2023 real life ------

In one hand you held your phone, looking down at the details of your train back to London, in the other a hot chocolate to warm you up in the brisk wind of Oxford. It’s how you missed the body in front of you and ended up falling straight on your ass because of it, hot chocolate splashing onto your shirt.

“Fucking hell,” you whispered, pulling your shirt away from your body so it didn’t burn.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” said an American accent. You groaned in your head, not wanting to deal with this. “I should’ve been looking where I was going.” They put a hand in your face, gesturing to help you up, which you took. 

“No, it was my fault, I was staring at my phone,” you told them as they pulled you up. He was strong, and also probably a little awkward as he was still holding your hand.

“Me too, so I really won’t let you take the blame.” His awkward smile was also cute, but you tried not to think that, it wouldn’t agree with your ‘no boys agenda.’ “Do you need another hot chocolate?” The cup was empty at your feet, making you wince. 

“Yeah, probably another shirt too.” It’s at that point that he realizes he’s still holding your hand, and he drops it.

“Let me get you one.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You’re still very early for the train, but travel anxiety is terrible and you want to leave soon.

“I insist.” Something about his smile and red cheeks makes you say yes to him, and you’re really not sure why. “I’m Logan, by the way.” He’s leading you back into the line of the cafe, smiling at you still.

“I’m YN,” you tell him.

ynusername posted ---------

liked by logansargeant, benchilwell, and others

ynusername exploring oxford finally

bsfinstagram babe you run into any quidditch players ↳ ynusername bitch you know i'm swearing off athletes

username7 damn why are you so beautiful

samkerr 💞 ↳ ynusername ugh bestie i love you

pulisick10 'SWEARING OFF ATHLETES?' Christian mate pulisic what did you do!?! ↳ username8 that is so fucking harsh though like pulisic really did a number on our girl here ↳ pulisick10 ben chilwell still in the likes tho ↳ username8 nah her and ben are friends, like ben was always close with christian and just cause he left doesn't mean that she can't be friends still ↳ username8 also she's still good friends with the women's team ↳ pulisick10 well that's cause the women are better ❤️ by ynusername and bsfinstagram ↳ username8 NOT HER LIKING THAT but also won't argue with that

logansargeant at least the weather was good ↳ ynusername youre right, thank you english sun who comes out once in a blue moon ↳ bsfinstagram I'm questioning things ↳ ynusername well you shouldn't

username11 she's sworn off athletes but has a formula 1 driver in her comments... ↳ username12 fake bitch ↳ username13 two people can be friends right? ↳ username12 she breaks up with christian because of the distance but is talking a driver like he isn't gone more than half the year, she's definitely fake for that ↳ username13 how do you know that's why they broke up ↳ username14 she doesn't she's just being a hater ❤️ by ynusername ↳ username11 damn all this fighting on my comment thread?

username12 not yn liking so many comments, do you read them ↳ ynusername gotta appreciate a good laugh ↳ username13 yn stalks her comments like a real one should

twitter ---------

yn's messages -----------

November 2023 yn's messages ------------

real life --------

Your hotel room is kind of a mess, with clothes thrown around and various pieces of paper on the floor. It’s not really a surprise to Logan, even though he hasn’t known you very long.

After a long day exploring New York City in fairly okay weather, the two of you are relaxing in your hotel room before dinner. “Can I ask you something?” Logan asks. He’s currently sitting in the desk chair, feet propped up on the desk and head hung back. 

“Go ahead.” You’re on your bed, laying like a starfish.

“Would you say yes to going on a date with me?” You sit up straight, staring at him with wide eyes as he doesn’t move.

“Are you asking me on a date?”

“No, I’m asking if you’d say yes to me asking you on a date.” His clarification makes you narrow your eyes, but he still doesn’t move. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea right now.”

That gets him moving, turning the chair to look at you. “So would you say yes or no?”

“I’d say no right now.”

“What about in a month?”

“In a month, when we’re both back in England, I’d probably say yes.”

“Cool,” he shrugs, going back to putting his feet on the desk. “Then I’ll ask you again in January.”

ynusername posted ---------

liked by logansargeant, alexalbon and others

ynusername look who came to visit

lilymhe booooo bring me next time ↳ ynusername you're welcome whenever, he invited himself ↳ logansargeant literally not true you asked me to come ↳ ynusername stop lying! i wanted thanksgiving but you have this job that makes you fly across the world to drive a stupid car or something

oscarpiastri look at him jumping for joy for you ↳ ynusername yeah well, what can i say, I'm a dream come true

bsfinstagram ahhhh just under 2 weeks until you come home!! ↳ ynusername I missed you so much ↳ bsfinstagram debrief over wine incoming!

username18 nope she is definitely dating this driver ↳ username19 it's so weird cause like if she really broke up with christian because of distance then isn't this just so much worse ↳ username20 i don't think they broke up just because of distance, things were probably weird for a couple of months before hand cause she wasn't going to as many mens games, she was definitely going to the women's games though.

timothyweah did you get a hotdog from the hotdog guy? ↳ ynusername yes... why? ↳ timothyweah cause they're good and i just want to make sure that you did ↳ ynusername okay timmy

chelseafcw don't stay too long we miss you ↳ ynusername aww, i miss you guys too

May 2024 ynusername posted--------

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and others

ynusername Miami you can be pretty but you're on my shit list

landonorris no whyyyyy ↳ ynusername idk might have something to do with my boyfriend dnfing at his home race. ↳ landonorris oh, okay ↳ ynusername but i guess congrats on your win ↳ landonorris thanks ynnnnn! ↳ oscarpiastri someone is still drunk

logansargeant ohhh he's handsome ↳ ynusername yeah and he's got a jealous ass girlfriend so beware ↳ logansargeant love you too babe

username23 finally confirmed that they're dating only seven months later

[mirisss]

Mine To Love

Cat hybrid! Park Sunghoon x human! afab! reader 

Summary: Park Sunghoon had a rough life for many years, it wasn’t easy being a hybrid for him, most people loved buying or adopting cat hybrids as pets but anyone who adopted him, quickly returned him to the shelter, he didn’t understand why, so when a girl named (Y/n) finally adopted him, he was going to do everything he could to make sure she would keep him. 

Warnings: Possessiveness, jealousy, some anxiety, some depression, Sunghoon is kind of obsessed with the reader, some steamier scenes, 

Wordcount ≈ 4.6 k

Sunghoon’s POV

The shelter was buzzing with life as it was packed with probably a hundred people who were here to find a hybrid to adopt. The noise annoyed me, it was too loud, and I knew, no one would look twice at me, whenever they looked at me, they noticed my age and kept on looking for someone younger. 

I don’t understand why, hybrids aren’t like normal pets, we don’t just live for 10 years, we live as long as humans if not even longer. So what if I was in my early twenties? I still had a good 70 or even 80 years to live, unless I got sick of course, I’m well-behaved, but still, I’m unlovable it seems. 

Since I was three years old, I have been adopted and returned to the shelter, 15 times. 15 times during 19 years and for the last 3 years, I have been at the shelter, without anyone showing the slightest interest in me. 

Everyone at the shelter always whispered, thinking I wouldn’t hear them, saying it was weird because I’m a purebred, black Maine coon, quite an attractive breed, big, cuddly, independent. And my more human form wasn’t bad looking either, many people often gushing over me but still, no one wanted me. 

I stayed in the far corner of my room, I’d like to call it a cage but it was quite a nice room, this was one of the better shelters, but it still felt like a cage. I had barely left the room since I had been returned last time, too sad and depressed, I didn’t want to go outside and play with the others, it was easier staying here, alone. 

Every now and then a child would bang their dirty hands on the window into my room, excited to see the hybrid inside it, but as I looked at them, they ran away. Some even going as far as crying, thinking I looked scary. My yet black hair and ears, my dark eyes, and the protruding fangs on my lips, probably made me look like a monster to them. Even their parents would hurry away from my room as they saw what had frightened their child. 

I had truly given up on finding a home. 3 years and no one even stayed by my room for longer than 15 seconds, and yes, I kept count, that’s what hope does to you, but now, I just sit here, waiting for an employee to bring me food and try to cheer me up with false promises. Maybe next time. Someone will come eventually. This just wasn’t your day. Try to smile more, maybe they’ll be intrigued with you then. Smile more, yeah right, showing off my fangs even more. 

I was a Maine coon, in my cat form I was huge, and in my human form, my fangs resembled that of a vampire’s, if I smile, you can see the full extent of them, most people assume I’m a panther, a wild big cat, and that’s not a family-friendly pet. 

The shelter was closing in 30 minutes, the sun had set, casting my room into darkness, I still hadn’t moved an inch from my corner, it was better this way, people wouldn’t even have to think someone was in this room. Each glance still gave me some hope so if they don’t look, it’s easier on my fragile heart. 

Suddenly my ears picked up the sound of someone unlocking the door to my room, probably an employee who would turn on the lights, but to my surprise, there was a woman, a customer, standing beside the employee. Had someone actually asked to see me? No, don’t get your hopes up. “This is Sunghoon, he’s 22 years old, a Maine coon, his coat is jet black… He’s probably the closest hybrid we have to your requests, ms. Kim,” The woman looked me up and down, her eyes held distaste in them, she wasn’t satisfied with me. “Why would I want something so glum and sad, no, I think I’ll take my business elsewhere, nothing here seems to satisfy my taste,” My heart sank, of course, I wasn’t enough. Too sad and glum. I contemplated trying to smile but the woman had already turned and walked away by the time I had blinked. 

With just five more minutes until no more customers were allowed, I noticed someone standing outside my window, looking at me, they had stood there for a good minute or two. I looked up to the window and found a girl standing there, she looked sad, just like I did. When she noticed me looking at her, she waved her hand in a tiny motion, most people would have missed it had they not been looking at her hand. I waved back in the same tiny motion. And then she left. My heart broke, once again, I had been a fool to think that someone would choose me. 

“I’m sorry, miss but we’re closing down in about a minute so we can’t let you meet any of the hybrids, you can come back tomorrow though,” “Oh, okay, sorry for being so late, I’ll make sure to come back tomorrow,” The voices came from right outside my door, maybe just maybe, the girl who would return tomorrow, was the one who had waved at me just a minute earlier. 

~ The next day ~ 

I lay emotionless in my bed, I hadn’t touched the breakfast the employees had given me an hour ago. I heard the buzzing of people walking around looking at hybrids again, no footsteps stopped at my door, and no one was interested in me. That was until the clock struck 12, lunchtime, the buzzing halted as everyone went to eat lunch. It was then that I heard light footsteps approaching my door, I thought they were just passing, but they stopped outside my room, the lock slowly turning, and then the door opened. 

In the opening, stood the girl from yesterday. She was shyly smiling at me. She was cute. I couldn’t help but smile back, only for a second though as she gasped at the sight of my fangs, so I quickly stopped smiling and looked away, ready for the door to close again. Another pair of footsteps was walking toward us, no doubt an employee. 

“I’m sorry about that, emergency with one of the small ones, anyway, this is Sunghoon, 22 years old, Maine coon, jet black coat, as far as we know he is well-behaved, quite calm and kind, we don’t know how cuddly he is, but I’m sure he’ll warm up once you get to know him,” It wasn’t the first time they had introduced me to someone, but each year with my age going up, most people would become uninterested when they heard how old I was, yet this girl still seemed intrigued with me. “How long has he been in the shelter?” “Almost his whole life, he has been adopted many times but all those homes didn’t work out, so he has been returned to us far too many times,” 

The girl’s eyes became glossy as she heard about my history. “Was he just returned for no reason?” The employee looked at me with pity. “Most reasons were that he was too big as a cat, too old, too quiet, or similar things, nothing about bad behavior,” “Would it be okay if we spent some time alone, to talk?” “Of course, just close the door and when you wish to leave, just knock on it and we’ll come and open it,” “Are you okay with that? Me staying here with you for a while?” Sunghoon was confused, was this girl asking him for his opinion? I just nodded, too afraid to speak at the moment, scared that this was all a dream. 

Third Person POV

The employee left and now it was just Sunghoon and the girl in the room, she sat down on the floor, facing the bed that Sunghoon was sitting on. He felt bad that she had to sit on the cold hard floor, but he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries and ask her to take the bed. 

“I’m (Y/n),” Sunghoon looked at her, she was smiling at him, but he noticed the way she was trembling, nervous, and anxious, it was similar to what he was feeling. “I’m Sunghoon,” He covered his mouth with his hand so that she couldn’t see his fangs as he introduced himself. “Why do you do that? Cover your mouth?” Sunghoon continued holding his hand in front of his mouth as he answered. “My fangs are quite large and people find them intimidating so I’ve found that people feel more comfortable around me if I do this,” “They’re beautiful, your fangs I mean,” Sunghoon felt his heart skip a beat, she thought his fangs were beautiful. “What do you mean?” “Your fangs, they’re a great contrast to your dark hair, ears, and tail, your fangs are so clear and white, while your hair is jet black, it suits you, when I gasped earlier it wasn’t because I found you scary, it was because you were so breathtakingly handsome,” (Y/n)’s face flushed red as she said that, Sunghoon found it intriguing. 

Never before had anyone taken his opinion into account before doing something, and never had he seen someone be so genuine and real about their thoughts of him. Sunghoon dared move his hand away from his mouth, allowing (Y/n) to see his whole face again. “How come you’re here? At the shelter, and with me?” (Y/n) smiled as he removed his hand, admiring his fangs and handsome face. “I’m lonely, so I want to find a companion, someone I can come home to so that my house feels less empty, I want someone who is genuine, I want a real friend, and I want to help someone, give them a home too. When I was here yesterday, I was drawn to you, everyone else looks so happy and cheerful, they’re children, but you, you looked like me, lonely, so I wanted to know more about you,” 

Sunghoon didn’t understand, how could such a kind girl be lonely. “Why are you lonely?” She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t talk with my family, we fell out about a year ago over a silly disagreement, I’ve tried reaching out to them but they don’t answer so I’ve given up on that. I had some friends but after I went through a breakup, they all left because they took his side, it was messy, so I just left, it was easier that way. And after that, I have barely been out except for work,” Sunghoon’s guarded gaze softened as (Y/n)’s eyes became glossy with tears. They were both abandoned by the people who were supposed to love them and protect them. This had to be it. This girl has to be my forever home. Sunghoon thought. 

(Y/n) buried her face in her hands, trying to stop herself from crying. Sunghoon silently got off the bed and crawled toward her on the floor, just like the cat inside him, he moved without a sound. Gently, the hybrid wrapped his long arms around the girl, trying his best to comfort her, (Y/n) was shocked at the action but she quickly relaxed into him and returned the hug. It had been so long since someone had embraced him or even shown the slightest of physical love for him, like petting him or hugging him, that this one hug, caused him to purr loudly. 

Sunghoon was embarrassed, he barely remembered that he could purr because he hadn’t done it for over 10 years. His face and neck flushed a deep red color. (Y/n) noticed as they slightly separated from one another, she smiled and giggled, he looked so cute. Her giggles only caused him to blush more. “You look so cute like this, like a kitten, almost,” “Ya, I’m an adult,” “Mhm, maybe, but you still look cute,” Sunghoon was happy that (Y/n) seemed to have shaken away the sadness from before, he like seeing her smile, he wished he could protect her happiness so that she would never have to cry again. 

“Would you like it if I adopted you? I think we’d really get along, and maybe, we’d feel less lonely,” Sunghoon was afraid, what if she returned him just like everyone else? This was the final chance, if this doesn’t work out, he’ll never return to the shelter, he’ll run away. One final chance at having a home. One last time, he would allow himself to believe he was actually wanted. “I’d really like that,” “I’ll get started on the paperwork then,” 

2 hours later, (Y/n) finally finished signing and reading all the papers regarding the adoption. The employees were happy for Sunghoon but also for themselves, they were losing money on keeping such an old hybrid in the shelter, most other shelters would have euthanized him by now, so they just hoped that this time, he wouldn’t be returned. They hoped that this was the last time they saw him. “There, all done, miss. Sunghoon doesn’t have many belongings, only a small bag of clothes, and he doesn’t have a collar, so before you can leave with him, you’ll have to buy one and have your name and address and everything written on the tag,” “Can I buy a collar here?” “No, you can do it a few stores down, at the pet and hybrid shop, they close soon though so you might have to come back tomorrow,” “If I run there and get the collar fixed, can I bring him home today?” “Yes, if you get the collar, you can have him, right now,” 

(Y/n) rushed out the door, running to the store, ready to fix the collar so that the poor boy could leave that place. “Hey, I want this collar, and these things printed on the tag, please,” it took 10 minutes to fix the collar, right before the store closed, once (Y/n) held the collar in her hands she ran back to the shelter, not wanting Sunghoon to believe she had abandoned him. By the time she returned to the shelter, she was out of breath and panting, she showed the shelter employees the collar, and once they said that it was approved, she walked over to his room, opening the door with a smile. 

“Ready to go home?” “You didn’t leave? You’re actually adopting me?” “I did leave for a few minutes to get this,” (Y/n) held her hand toward him, the collar in it catching his attention. Sunghoon looked at it with adoration in his eyes. He finally noticed that her heart was racing, her face flushed, some sweat had formed on her forehead, she had been running, all to be able to take him home today. Home. “And, yes, of course, I am. If you still want me to,” (Y/n) looked a bit hesitant, what if Sunghoon had changed his mind about her? She began retracting her hand, but before she could bring it more than an inch closer to her, Sunghoon quickly snatched the collar from her hand and put it on himself. “Let’s go home, please,” (Y/n) smiled at him, and gently grabbed one of his hands into hers, his other hand held a small bag, his clothes. We need to get him some new clothes, one day at a time. (Y/n) gently guided the cat out of his room and out of the shelter toward her car. 

It felt like a fever dream, she treated him like a person and not just a pet, he got to ride in the front seat of the car, in his human form, every car ride he had ever had previously was in his cat form. Sunghoon didn’t dare let go of (Y/n)’s hand once they both sat in the car, afraid that if he wasn’t touching her, she would disappear. But she didn’t, she was there, she was real, and now she was his. 

Sunghoon was in awe of the house in front of him, (Y/n) had parked the car in front of a cozy-looking house. It wasn’t the biggest one he had seen, but it was the one that looked the most like a home. “Welcome home, it’s not huge but it’s enough for the two of us,” “I don’t know what to say, I’m just so happy to finally have a place to call home, thank you,” Once again, Sunghoon embraced (Y/n) into a tight hug, he didn’t even notice himself moving closer to her before he had already buried his face in her neck. Her scent was intoxicatingly sweet, he liked it, a lot. 

“I didn’t expect you to be so cuddly, I’m not complaining, though, but at the shelter they told me you were quite cold to everyone,” “Mhm, being rejected over and over will do that to you, I don’t know why, but I just really like being close to you,” He snuggled even closer to the human, his tail was swishing back and forth, his sensitive ears made magnetic shocks go through him as they rubbed against her. “Come on, let’s head inside, it’s cold out here, at least for me, I know hybrids tend to be warmer than us humans, so you might not notice it as well as I do,” Sunghoon reluctantly released her so that they could walk into the house. Everything smelled so strongly of her, he loved it, he never wanted to leave.  

 (Y/n) showed Sunghoon around the house, he still held onto her hand whenever he could, “So, this is my bedroom, and here just across from it, would be your room, it’s really plain right now but you will be able to decorate it as you wish, these two rooms have private bathrooms so we don’t have to share, and then downstairs there’s another bathroom that we can use when we’re down there or if we have guests over, which we probably won’t have considering that I don’t have any friends and you’ve been in the shelter for so long,” Sunghoon didn’t understand why he almost felt happy about it being only the two of them, forever. 

“The bed is made for you in there, there’s a towel and toiletries in the bathroom if you want to take a shower before going to bed, I have taken time of work for a week so we can go out shopping for some new clothes and things for your room during the upcoming days, I also don’t know anything about your preferred diet so we need to buy stuff for that too,” “I eat most things humans do, except for mint-choco ice cream, I need to eat a lot of protein to stay healthy, and because of my cat side I can’t eat big amounts of onion, garlic, and stuff like that. I can eat some but not a lot or I can get gut problems or even anemia,” “Good to know, well, we’ll go shopping tomorrow so everything will be fine, you can pick whatever you want then, I’m gonna head to bed as I’m exhausted, sleep well, kitten,” 

Sunghoon blushed at the nickname, “Ya, I’m not a kitten,” “Mhm, you keep telling yourself that,” “Good night,” Sunghoon was a bit scared to say good night, afraid that this wonderful dream would end if he did. Nonetheless, he opened the door to his room. (Y/n) had been right about the room being plain, but so had his room at the shelter been so one more night of that, didn’t bother him. The bed was big, almost three times the size of his old one. He walked into the bathroom, it was nice, luxurious even, once again, he realized that (Y/n) treated him as a person and not as a pet. 

Even though he was part cat, Sunghoon loved showering, it was nice feeling clean and fresh, the soap in the bathroom was mostly targeted toward women as it smelled like roses, it smelled like (Y/n), so Sunghoon didn’t mind it. He liked smelling like her. However, he would have wished that the scent actually came directly from (Y/n) and not just from using the same soap. 

After the shower, Sunghoon lay down in the bed, it was soft, like a cloud, before he knew it, he had fallen asleep, dreaming of (Y/n) and how living with her would be. 

~ Fast forward a week ~ 

During this week, (Y/n) and Sunghoon had gone shopping for clothes, towels, toiletries, food, and a few decorative pieces for his room and for the house to make it feel more like his home as well and not only have touches of (Y/n). Sunghoon enjoyed spending time with (Y/n), at home it was just the two of them, he could hug her as much as he wanted to, he could make sure that his scent was all over her, and hers on him, he was lovesick and he never wanted this to end. 

A week had gone by, and it was now time for (Y/n) to go back to work. This means Sunghoon would be home alone for a few hours every other day as (Y/n) could work from home some days. “I don’t want you to leave, please don’t leave me,” He tried to give the human his best ‘puppy eyes���, but nothing worked, she wouldn’t budge. “I have to work, Hoon, otherwise I can’t afford to keep the house, or you,” Sunghoon was pouting but he eventually gave in, letting go of (Y/n), he went to the sofa, shifted to his cat form, and curled up on the sofa, covering his eyes with his tail. He was sad and wanted to spend his lonely hours asleep until (Y/n) would return from work. 

Eventually, Sunghoon got used to (Y/n) heading to work every other day, he still didn’t like it, but he understood that it was a must for her to work. To work off some of his possessive feelings that wanted to lock her up and never let her leave him, Sunghoon began working out, he quickly became buff, his muscles defined and tempting. Oh so tempting, for (Y/n). There was no denying that she had found the hybrid incredibly attractive before, but now, she could barely resist throwing herself at him. But that would be wrong. What if he didn’t want that? So she tried to keep her horny thoughts to herself, and maybe it was time to find a new partner so that she could blow off some steam. Even if she wished that her partner would be Sunghoon. 

~ About a month after (Y/n) went back to work ~

(Y/n) walked through the door, groceries in hand, Sunghoon noticed that she seemed extra cheerful today, he had been in his cat form so he shifted back to his human form just as she came into the living room. “Hello, kitten, how are you?” “I’m good, worked out a bit earlier, and then I watched a movie, fell asleep, that’s about it, how about you?” “I’m good, I ate lunch with one of my coworkers today, Jay, he’s really nice, he even paid for my lunch, he’s handsome as well,” 

Sunghoon’s smile fell. (Y/n) had eaten lunch with another man, he’s handsome, no, you’re not supposed to find other men attractive, you have me, you don’t need anyone else. He thought, but he tried to swallow his jealousy, he couldn’t lose you for such a silly reason. Silly. No. This was about life or death. 

For the following couple of days, (Y/n) always had something to say about this Jay. Sunghoon was trying his best to control himself but each day it got harder and harder, the final straw for his self-control was when you returned home, later than usual, and you smelled like a man, it was subtle, but it was clearly there for his sensitive nose. Someone’s trying to steal my (Y/n) from me. 

As (Y/n) stepped into the living room, talking about Jay once again, his scent creeping up on Sunghoon, her eyes sparkling, he couldn’t take it anymore. He was jealous, jealous that another man had touched his girl, jealous that (Y/n) seemed so enthralled with this man. He was threatened, what if this Jay takes his place in (Y/n)’s life? What if she doesn’t want him anymore if she has Jay? What if he loses his home? He couldn’t control himself, his body moving out of pure instinct. 

Sunghoon lightly pushed (Y/n)’s shoulders until her back collided with the wall, he had one hand on her waist now, and the other on her cheek, he gazed into her eyes with yearning, worry, sadness, and an urgency like never before. “What--mmm” Before she could end her sentence, Sunghoon crashed his lips onto hers, his fangs felt cold against her lips yet she welcomed the feeling, it was exciting, new, it felt dangerous. 

(Y/n) was surprised, stunned, by the cat’s actions, but she didn’t dare push him away, not because of fear, but because she was afraid this was her only chance to experience him. Sunghoon inhaled deeply, almost going feral from the scent of the (Y/n)’s arousal, this only caused him to deepen the kiss even more. 

Once Sunghoon stopped attacking (Y/n)’s lips with his own, he had teary eyes, from frustration, “Please don’t abandon me for some guy, I’m better than him, please, you have to be mine, you’re mine to keep, mine to love, please, I love you, I don’t want to share you with anyone, I want to be selfish, just this once, please, (Y/n),” 

(Y/n) was still trying to catch her breath from the make-out session that had just happened, she raised one hand to his cheek, gently caressing it, wiping away some tears that escaped from his eye, she leaned in, giving him a gentle peck on the lips. “I’m all yours, Honnie, you don’t have to share, don’t worry, I only need you,” 

Sunghoon immediately leaned down for more kisses. This time even deeper, yet more gentle than the first. He was ecstatic, he finally had his home, and his person, his person that he didn’t have to share. She was his and he was hers. “I can’t control myself anymore, I need all of you,” “Then take me,” Sunghoon lifted (Y/n) up and carried her to his bed, where they spent a long night reassuring one another of their love for each other, and Sunghoon made sure to erase every trace of Jay from her body and mind. Now his scent was engulfing her entire being, and his image was the only one in her head. His tail swished happily back and forth as (Y/n) lay in his arms, and soon enough she fell asleep, as she listened to him spinning loudly, happy to finally call her his. 

[sidemari]

• Bun in the oven •

Some texts about you telling them that you’re pregnant and some headcanons about how they’re during the pregnancy. 

Characters included: Johnny "Soap" MacTavish, Keegan P. Russ, Kyle ‘Gaz’ Garrick, König, Nikto and Simon “Ghost” Riley x Fem!Reader 

TW: Mild angst, mentions of abortion and insecurities, implied smut. But everything works out in the end. 

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish

You call him from the corner of the room, that nervous smile on your face. Soap knows right away that something big is coming — he feels it, like he senses danger on the field… But this time, it’s something different. Something good.

“Johnny… Do you remember the night you came back home after being away for so long due to that mission?” You tested the waters by avoiding telling the truth right away.

“Yeah… How could I forget that night?” He smiled warmly, his mind flashing with the images of that day. “What about it, hon?” 

“Well… You know we got carried away and…”

“And…?”

“We’re having a baby.” You finally share your secret. 

He blinks. Once. Twice. His usual playful smile disappears for a second, replaced by a stunned look, as if he’s trying to decode what he’s just heard.

“Are… are you serious?” You nod, and he… explodes with joy. He literally lifts you into the air with a surprised cry, almost laughing and crying at the same time.

“Oh my God! We’re going to be parents?! Aye, fuck, baby, is this really real?”

He kisses your forehead, then your belly, even though it hasn’t even changed yet. He murmurs a bunch of sweet things in that warm accent — promises, plans, dreams. And then he whispers very softly, just for you to hear:

“I swear I will be the best father in the world… to our baby. And the best man to you. Always.”

When the morning sickness starts, he becomes your personal bodyguard against any suspicious smells: “What the hell is that in the air?! It smells like poison, honey. Close that window!”

He researches everything about pregnancy and becomes the most emotional “expert” on the planet. He sends you messages like: “Did you know that the baby already has little fingers today? LITTLE FINGERS, BABY!”

He talks to your belly every day, telling them about his missions, his friends on the team, and asking if the baby prefers soccer or rugby: “If you kick now, it’ll be rugby, okay?”

He starts to become obsessed with photos. He takes a thousand selfies with you and your belly, even while you’re sleeping. 

He refuses to let you carry anything, literally: “Not even the bag. Not even the remote. Let me carry it, honey.”

He massages your feet every night, and even develops a ‘military relaxation technique’ just so you can sleep better.

He has a hospital bag ready with 30 unnecessary things, like three types of chocolate, a teddy bear, and a mini speaker to play Scottish music for the baby.

He’s always reminding you how beautiful you are, even when you feel uncomfortable and insecure. “No matter how big your belly is, you’ve always been the love of my life, and now you’re carrying our little miracle. And no, I don’t give a single fuck about those stretchmarks. You’re nurturing a life inside your womb and your body is adapting itself because of it. I still think you look damn hot and I’m forever thankful that those pregnancy hormones shifted you into a little insatiable thing.”

He gets touchy-feely, sometimes hugging you in the middle of the night just to say thank you. 

He makes up nicknames for the baby while he’s still in the womb, like “Little Soap”. 

He gets really emotional during the first ultrasound. He holds your hand tightly and tries not to cry… but fails miserably.

He makes special playlists with soft Scottish music, movie soundtracks and even records himself talking so the baby can hear at night.

He buys miniature army clothes, but also absurdly cute ones, like animal costumes, because “he needs to have style in the nursery”.

One day he shows up with a crib set up in the middle of the living room just because “he wanted to see if it would look nice in natural light”.

He learns to cook your favorite foods (even if it turns out to be a disaster) just so you can eat what you want safely.

He keeps notes with the dates of the first times: first kick, first time their heartbeat was heard, first photo of your belly. He’s creating a secret “dossier” of love.

He swears he’s going to be the most present father in the world. No matter how much life changes, he will always be there for you two. 

It was a quiet night at home. The sky was clear, with a million stars shining through the open window. You were sitting on the couch, with a cup of hot tea in your hands, and Soap was lying next to you, with his head on your lap, apparently tired from the intense mission of the day. The conversation was calm, but you knew it was time to tell him the news. He was so focused on caressing your stomach as you played with his hair, that he didn't notice how nervous you were.

"Did you know you're going to be the best dad in the world?" You said softly, feeling your heart race. Soap looked at you with a crooked smile, his eyes shining with evident affection.

"I have no doubt about that, love. But what do you mean, best dad? If I'm not, who will be, huh?" You laughed, but you were feeling overflowing with happiness. Suddenly, the moment was there, and it was as if time had slowed down just so he could hear your words.

"Well… I can't say who's going to be the best father, but you're the best for me, and… Our daughter is going to be very lucky." There was a pause. Soap stood up quickly, looking at you, confused, as if he hadn't quite understood. His eyes were curious, but his smile stubbornly wouldn't leave his face. 

"Wait… What?" He asked, his eyes shining even brighter. You laughed, feeling the heat rise to your face. 

"I… we're expecting a little girl." Soap's eyes widened for a moment and he was silent, processing the information. When it finally sunk in, he leaned forward, with a dazzling smile.

"A little girl?" he repeated, his voice full of disbelief. 

"Yes, a little girl," You said, your heart almost jumping out of your chest. "You're going to be the father of a little girl." And then, he simply laughed. A genuine, happy laugh, one of those laughs that seemed so honest that you felt your soul warm. He stood up from the couch, holding your hands tightly before he jumped close to you, not caring about the teacup that almost fell to the floor.

"Are you sure about this? A real little girl?" He asked again, his eyes shining with happiness.

You laughed then, finally, the feeling of nervousness disappearing. He was more excited than ever, and his happiness was contagious.

"I'm sure!" You answered, laughing along with him, the two of you hugging each other tightly. "We're going to have a daughter, Soap." He ran his hand over your belly, still not fully believing it, but with a sparkle in his eyes that didn't fade. 

"I promise that I'm going to be the best dad in the world. It's going to be a pleasure to watch our little girl grow up." You leaned back against the couch, feeling your heart beat faster. 

"I know you will." And as he continued to rub your belly, smiling like a fool and in that moment, you were more certain than ever that he was the kind of father who would do anything for her. 

Keegan P. Russ 

You hadn’t planned to tell him like this. You wanted something elaborate, symbolic… maybe a candlelit dinner, a note written in your nervous handwriting. But there, sitting on the couch, with his hand resting on your thigh and his eyes intently watching a movie, you felt the right moment — a comfortable, intimate silence, just the two of you.

“Keegan…” You began, your voice low, almost as if you were keeping a precious secret between your lips. He turned his face to you right away. He always did that — when you spoke, he listened. With his eyes, with his whole body. It was a habit of his to offer you his total presence.

“Is something wrong?” He asked immediately, already with that protective look that always came when you hesitated.

“No… it’s just...” You took his hand and brought it to your belly, as if that would be enough. Maybe it was. For a moment, he didn’t understand. He looked back at your face, at your eyes filled with unshed tears, at his hand under your still flat stomach, but which held a secret growing in silence.

“Are you...?” He didn’t finish the question, but his eyes said it all. You nodded, with a shy, uncertain, but hopeful smile. The air between you changed. He didn’t say anything for a second too long — but you saw it. His shoulders relaxed as if he had been waiting for this news without knowing. His eyes watered, and his mouth opened slowly, a whisper coming out between his lips:

“Are we becoming a family...?” The way he hugged you that night was different. It was a protective, reverent grip. As if you were made of porcelain. As if the most important miracle of his life was inside you — and it was.

The focused, meticulous soldier appeared in a new form: in nutrition spreadsheets, reminders on his phone with alarms for his snacks, vitamins, and appointments. He went with you to all of them—even when he was exhausted, even when he had just returned from a mission the day before. He sat next to you, held your hand, and listened intently to every word the obstetrician said.

Keegan was the type of person who didn’t say much, but showed it all through his actions. He learned to cook healthy meals even though he didn’t know how to cut a tomato properly at first. He would run his hands over his belly before bed every night, with a caress that felt like a silent prayer.

And when the symptoms got tough — the nausea, the aches, the bloating — Keegan didn’t run away. He showed up with tea (and if you refused to drink them, he’d force you to, saying it was for the good of the baby you were nurturing), warm blankets, and concerned eyes. He sat on the floor beside your bed when you didn’t want to talk. He was just there and it was enough. 

Sometimes, during the night, he would wake up just to check if you were still sleeping well. He would run his hand over your forehead, carefully adjusting your position, as if he could protect you even from nightmares.

Keegan, during your pregnancy, was as firm as steel and as gentle as a cozy blanket. He became your safe haven, your silent and constant guardian. He slept with his hand on your belly, talked to the baby when he thought you couldn’t hear, promised he would be there, always, that he would take care of you, that no one would ever hurt you both. 

You found him in the kitchen, cooking your latest craving: berry pie.

“Baby,” You called, leaning against the door frame. He looked up immediately, a small smile forming when he saw you there.

You walked over to him slowly, your heart racing, and pulled out the small pair of blue booties you had bought that morning.

“For when he gets here.” You said, placing the booties in his hands. A cheesy way to reveal the gender of your baby, yes, but those booties were just too cute for you to ignore. 

Keegan frowned, confused at first — until understanding dawned on him. He blinked a few times, in disbelief.

“A little boy?” He asked, almost in a choked whisper.

You nodded with an excited smile. He laughed softly, shaking his head as if he was still processing it. Then he pulled you slowly closer, resting his forehead against yours before spinning you around slowly and carefully to not make you nauseous.

“My little boy… Our little boy!” He murmured, his voice cracking with joy.

When the time arrives, Keegan is incredibly calm on the outside, but inside he is a whirlwind of emotions. He has never been so scared and so happy at the same time. He held your hand through every contraction, whispering “You can do it,” “I’m here,” “It’s going to be okay” like a mantra — as if his voice could protect you from the pain. When he heard the baby cry for the first time, his eyes filled with tears instantly. He tried to hide it, but the emotion overflowed in his eyes and in the way he smiled at you and when he held his son for the first time. He was completely mesmerized: his big fingers touched the little body with the greatest delicacy in the world, as if he was afraid of hurting his own son. 

Keegan refuses to sleep while you rest. He sits in an armchair with the baby on his lap, just observing every little detail of the newborn. When the medical team came back and found him with the baby sleeping on his chest, and you sleeping in bed, they said it looked like a scene from a movie. 

He talks to the baby even though he knows he doesn't understand: "You have your mother's eyes... And you'll be strong like her too." 

Takes pictures of the tiny feet, of the baby grabbing your finger, of you breastfeeding him, bathing him and sleeping with him and keeps them all in a folder that only he has access to.

Kyle ‘Gaz’ Garrick

You realized something was wrong when you woke up with an upset stomach for two days in a row — and without having eaten anything heavy. The smell of the breakfast you loved started to make you nauseous… and that was the first warning sign. Kyle even jokingly commented: “Are you abandoning me in our sacred coffee ritual?” — and you forced a smile, pretending you weren’t worried. A few days later, you realized your period was late. A week. Then ten days. And then fifteen. And then, sweet fear hit deep in your chest.

You bought the test by yourself, on a quick trip to the pharmacy, and hid it in your purse as if it were a state secret. On a cold, slow morning, you took the test while Kyle was still sleeping. The silence in the bathroom was almost deafening as you waited the five minutes that the package indicated. Two lines. Two lines that changed everything. You stood still for long minutes, in the same position, holding the test with shaking hands and teary eyes. You didn't know whether to laugh or cry. You did both. The first thing you thought was: "How am I going to tell him?" — and right after: "Will he want this with me?" 

You tried to plan a cute way to tell him. A special dinner, a little box with the test and a note. But anxiety got the best of you. You told him in a simple way, on a normal afternoon, when it was just the two of you, sitting together. He noticed something different about you, and when you shared the secret you were carrying alone, time seemed to stop.

He was sitting on the couch, his eyes softly focused on you as you walked slowly toward him, your hands clasped in front of you, as if trying to contain your racing heart. He could tell right away — you were nervous.

“Are you okay, love?” He asked, his voice low, full of affection.

You nodded, but your throat was dry. You took a deep breath, then walked over and sat down next to him. His hand came naturally to yours, his warm, firm fingers wrapping around yours as if to say ‘I’m here, talk to me.’

“Kyle…” Your gaze met his, and there was so much tenderness there it almost hurt. “I’m pregnant.” For a moment, the world seemed suspended. His smile froze mid-smile, his eyes wide with surprise. You saw the emotion building there — first confusion, then a wet gleam in his eyes, as if he’d just heard something sacred.

“Are you… pregnant?” He repeated in a whisper, as if he was afraid to break the moment.

You nodded, with a small smile. His answer came in the form of a soft, almost breathless laugh, before he pulled you into a hug full of warmth and reverence. He held you as if you were made of glass, but at the same time with such intensity that your heart seemed to fit into his.

“We’re going to have a baby… Fuck’s sake!, that’s so amazing...” He whispered against your neck, as if he still couldn’t believe it. 

“Kyle… No swearing around the baby.”

“Copy that.” He smiled. “I'll be here. Every step, every beat of this little heart… I want to live it all with you.” After that, he placed his hand lovingly on your lower belly, as if he could already feel the new life you had started together. And in that moment, between soft smiles and slow kisses, the whole world seemed to fit between his arms.

He became obsessed with learning everything: he read medical articles, downloaded three different pregnancy apps, and asked the internet if certain strange food cravings were normal. 

He created a ritual: every night, he would lie with his head on her belly and whisper stories, just to “familiarize the baby with his father’s voice.” He would always say proudly: “Our baby will be born hearing the most beautiful accent in the world, honey.” 

He was so protective, but in a sweet way —  accompanying you to every appointment, carrying healthy snacks in his bag, and talking to doctors like you were a secret agent on a mission. 

When your belly started to grow, he bought funny “Loading… Baby 50%” T-shirts and forced you to wear them just to see your grumpy little face. No need to tell him they look awful, he’s already taking pictures of you. 

One day, he found you crying watching a random video of a stray dog being adopted and he just sat down with you, hugging you tightly, and getting emotional too, without even knowing why. 

He insisted on putting the crib together with his own hands. He made several mistakes, got his fingers stuck, and cursed the manual — but in the end, the crib was perfect.

When the contractions started, he went into military mode in 0.1 seconds. He grabbed the hospital bag, checked the checklist, warned everyone and took you to the hospital as if he was on a mission.

During the birth, he held your hand the whole time, letting you crush his fingers without complaining as he kept murmuring something along the lines of “Breathe with me. I’m with you.”

When the baby was born and cried for the first time, he cried too — the kind of silent, emotional cry that comes from deep in the chest.

He was paralyzed for a few seconds when he saw the baby in his arms, with teary eyes, whispering: “We did it. Look… we did it.”

You waited to find out the baby’s sex until the birth. It was a huge shock when the obstetrician said that a little boy had been born: “Hell yeah!”, he celebrated. “My little boy,” he murmured, his voice hoarse with emotion. “Our son...”

König

He finally returned from that mission that seemed to have no end. 

You call him by name with that soft voice that makes him feel weak to his knees. He notices something in your tone. The blue eyes fixed on yours with attention… and a hint of anxiety. “Was ist passiert, mein Schatz?” (“What happened, my love?”)

You take a deep breath, smiling with a nervousness that he immediately picks up on — and you finally say three words that change everything: 

“I am pregnant.” For a moment, he freezes. Not with rejection. Not with anger. But as if the world had gone silent. His eyes widen slightly, he takes a step back as if he’s been shocked, only to then approach you again with visible hesitation in his hands. The mask covers half of his reaction, but his eyes say it all. Pure vulnerability. The doubt of whether he deserves this. The desire to believe he still deserves to be happy. 

“Is it… mine?” He asks, his voice lower than ever.

“Of course it is, König!” 

When you say that — of course he knew it was his — König lets out a shaky sigh and puts his hands on his head, walking a few steps as if he doesn’t know what to do with his own body. Then he stops and he comes back to you. He kneels and he hugs your still-flat belly, pressing it against his face with an almost religious reverence.

“Mein Gott (My god)… you gave me a new life.” He murmurs, his voice hoarse and muffled.

Then he looks down at you, with teary eyes — the intimidating giant now looking like a lost, happy boy — and says something you would never forget:

“I never thought I would have something so precious. I will take care of you. The both of you. Even if the world falls apart… you will be safe.” 

In the first few months, König is on constant alert. Every moment of nausea, every different expression on your face, makes him stop everything to check if you are okay. 

He obsessively researches pregnancy in silence, on his cell phone, reading scientific articles, forums, and even mothers' groups — all in secret, with his eyes fixed on the screen as if he were studying military tactics. 

He tries to cook for you (with… variable results), just because he read that certain foods help with morning sickness. 

When your belly starts to grow, König starts talking to you when he thinks you are sleeping. He lies down next to you, his head resting gently on your belly, murmuring in German with a sweetness that seems unthinkable for such a huge man. "Dein Vater liebt dich sehr, mein kleines Wunder..." ("Your father loves you very much, my little miracle...") 

He starts to accompany you to every medical appointment as if they were a mission, paying attention to every comment from the doctors and nurses as if his life depended on it. 

When your belly is already heavy and your steps are slower, König starts carrying you to any place that involves stairs. Literally. He doesn't even ask. He just picks you up with the greatest care in the world, as if you were made of glass. 

When you start having false contractions, he goes into a state of absolute focus—the hospital bag has been packed for weeks, the routes have been planned, the emergency numbers are posted on the fridge. But despite this, he is always kind, always calm with you, even though he is seething with nerves inside.

He has internal crises of insecurity, but he never burdens you with them. He writes everything down in a hidden notebook, as a way of letting off steam. 

You find him on the balcony, the sky tinged with gold by the sunset. König’s back is turned, still, silent, as he usually does when he’s thinking too much. His large hands are resting on the railing, his broad body almost blocking the light. He turns when he hears your footsteps, and his soft gaze immediately lands on your belly with an almost reverent affection.

You smile, and he responds with that shy little smile at the corner of his mouth, his eyes still seeming to search for more signs that you’re okay.

“What did the doctor say?” He asks in a low voice, waiting for each word as if they were sacred.

You walk towards him, slowly, feeling your heart beat faster — not from nervousness, but from excitement. Then you take one of his hands and guide it to your belly.

“She’s fine,” You begin, looking into his eyes. “And yes... I said she.”

König’s eyes blink, as if it took him a second to process.

“She...?” He whispers, almost in disbelief. You nod, smiling even wider.

“We’re having a little girl.” His breath catches for a moment. His blue eyes — usually so restrained, so trained not to show too much — shine with immediate moisture. He kneels, letting his forehead touch yours while his hands wrap around your belly with a delicacy that doesn’t match its size.

You run your fingers through his hair, feeling him snuggle closer, his arms around your waist as if he wanted to protect the two of you from the entire world.

“She’s already so loved, König. By me… and by you.”

“I… I don’t know if I’m ready. But I’ll give everything. Everything. For both of you.”

“You’re already everything she needs. And everything I need too.” 

Nikto

The truth is that you found out you were carrying his child only in the third month of pregnancy. The missions, your dangerous job, the obligations, plans and goals, your own complex relationship with Nikto… all of this was too much for you to handle. The days became weeks and the weeks became months as you just ignored the symptoms, thinking that the nausea and exhaustion would pass. But they remained very present, and your suspicion only increased.

You took a pregnancy test, which came back positive. And to be sure, you also took a blood test some days after and then, an ultrasound, which finally revealed the baby's gender: a little boy was coming into the world. You did all this without saying a word to Nikto, fearing that he would hate the news. You weren't stupid, you knew he would soon realize something was out of place. Your body was changing, your symptoms were still present, and you even avoided exposing yourself to any kind of risk, as much as possible, unlike before.

He suspected the possible reason why this was happening, but he never forced you to admit anything. Not until you were ready.

When you told him the news, at first he reacted with silence and a hard look, trying to process the information. He’s not the type to show emotion easily, so you thought he was angry or indifferent… But inside, he would be conflicted. Part of him would feel vulnerable — the idea of ​​having created a new life would hit him harder than he expected. Another part would be on edge, worried for your safety and that of the baby, since his world is too violent for something so innocent.

But he wouldn’t shy away from responsibility. He just wouldn’t know how to show he cares in the traditional way. You’d see him more protective, more present, but also more silent. His love would be shown in actions, not words.

The base was silent that night—just the hum of the generators and the occasional sound of boots echoing in the hallway. He was sitting at the table, cleaning his weapon with the meticulous precision of always, his mask pushed up to his forehead, revealing those hard eyes… but that always softened when they landed on you. You walked in slowly, your fingers intertwined in front of you, your heart beating fast.

He noticed it instantly. He dropped the metal piece on the table and watched you silently. Not like a soldier, but like a man. Your man.

“Are you hurt?” He asked, standing up immediately, his tone low but attentive.

You shook your head, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“It’s not that. But… I need to tell you something. And it’s important.”

His eyes narrowed. He crossed his arms, his body firm as steel, but his gaze… almost nervous.

“I’m pregnant, Nikto.”

The silence that followed was as thick as the darkness outside. He didn’t answer. He just stood there, motionless, as if time had frozen. What did you expect? A scream? A sigh? A “how did that happen?”?

None of that came.

He walked towards you, slowly, as if he were stepping on unknown land. He stopped so close that you could feel the heat of his body. His gloved hand rose to your face — it hesitated in the air for a second — and then landed with a delicacy that no one would ever imagine that man was capable of.

“My son?” He murmured, his voice so low that it seemed like a secret between you and the universe.

Son… And he even had guessed the baby gender right.

You nodded, tears in your eyes, but smiling.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again, there was something there. It wasn’t fear. Or anger. It was… instinct. A raw kind of love — unconditional, protective.

"How do you…" You hugged him, and that took him by surprise. It took Nikto a few seconds to hug you back, but when he did, he stroked your hair with affection. "How do you know it's a boy?"

"Is it?"

"I mean… yeah."

"Perhaps it was just my intuition." He kissed the top of your head, wanting to protect you from the world.

“You will not leave my sight.” His voice had returned to its firm tone. “I will take care of you both. From now on.” And then, for the first time since you met him, Nikto knelt down, making himself vulnerable before you. Lifting your shirt, he pressed his lips to your slightly swollen belly, so gently that it barely seemed real. But it was. It was his promise. No pretty words. Just presence. Just surrender.

Nikto was already a controlling person by nature, but from the moment he found out about your pregnancy, he became a constant shadow by your side. He checks safe routes before you go out, monitors the environment where you sleep, and leaves discreet trackers on everything you wear “just in case.” He doesn’t say, “I’m afraid something will happen,” he just acts—as if he could take on the whole world for you and the baby.

He’s not the type to say, “You look so beautiful carrying my son” but out of nowhere you find a soft blanket on the couch, hot tea on the table, or maternity clothes in your size neatly folded on the bed. When you ask him if that was his doing, he just answers curtly, “Maybe.” But if you insist, he might say, “I like to see you comfortable.” (And he looks down, because that was the most vulnerability he could show that day.)

If you’re lying down and you let out a whimper of pain or discomfort, within seconds he’ll be there, kneeling beside the bed, pressing his hands firmly against your back. He never comments anything, he just keeps going until he feels you’ve relaxed. When you say a weak “thank you” he’ll give you a quick nod and maybe — just maybe — press a kiss against your forehead before leaving the room.

At night, when you are dozing on the couch or in bed, he will slowly come over and, if he is comfortable doing so, he will rub your belly while speaking to the baby in Russian. They are short, almost military phrases, but sweet in his own way: "Your mother is stronger than anyone. You will get this from her." Or even: "You will not know war. I swear."

Even with all his confidence, he sometimes stays silent for long periods, staring at you from afar. When you ask him, he ends up saying something like: “I don’t know if I’m cut out for this. I only know how to fight.” It’s at this moment that you see his most human side. He’s not afraid of war, but he is afraid of failing you. And when you hold his hand and tell him he’s already doing more than enough, he doesn’t respond. He just squeezes your hand tightly — and doesn’t let go.

Simon “Ghost” Riley 

Hot and intense nights became common when the pressure of the world became great enough to suffocate you both.

You sought refuge in sex, night after night indulging your most primitive and sinful desires as a relatively effective, but twisted, way of enduring the horrendous reality of serving the country.

Even though you knew that being careful was relatively far from being part of your routine, you felt the world fall apart when the first symptoms began.

Nausea, fatigue and insecurity had become part of your essence and the fear of the future permeated your soul.

You tried to hide your pregnancy for as long as possible, not wanting to tell Simon, much less your team members.

Bringing an innocent life into the hell you lived was a senseless act. Then why did you feel so much love for someone who hadn't even been born yet?

You were almost four months pregnant when, during a mission, you fainted for no apparent reason. You weren't taking care of yourself enough — eating little, sleeping little and keeping so many secrets to yourself... It came as no surprise to anyone when your body couldn't handle all of that.

"Stay with me... Hey! She needs medical help!" Ghost shouted, looking around desperately, protecting your body as if you were the most fragile thing in the world at that moment.

Your consciousness slowly returned, and you realized that you were being carried by him to a safer place.

"I'm sorry." You stammered, feeling guilty for having interrupted the gathering of such important information.

"Don't apologize. I've never seen you so pale and weak like this, not even on worse missions." You were finally in a calmer place, still alone with him, and before other people entered the room to check on you, you decided it was time to tell him the truth.

"Simon, I..." You hesitated, wondering for a moment if being honest with him was really what you wanted.

"You...?" He encouraged you, squeezing your thigh affectionately, as usual.

"I... I'm pregnant." His eyes widened, and his grip on your thigh tightened, almost hurting you.

"What...?" He mumbled to himself, slowly fitting the pieces of the puzzle together and everything made sense — your extreme sensitivity to the tastes and smells that you usually liked, your endless naps, your hurried and unannounced trips to the bathroom, your lack of complaints about cramps, almost as if you hadn't had your period that month... It all made sense, and his head almost exploded.

"How did I not notice?" He whispered, pulling you close, hugging you tightly as if he wanted to protect you from all the evil in the world. "How far along are you?"

"Almost four months." You mumbled against his chest as he stroked your hair lovingly. "I think it was on your birthday..." 

That night... That fateful night.

"How are you feeling about this?"

"I... I don't know what to think..." Your hands involuntarily went down your body, caressing the slightly swollen belly due to the life that was developing there. "But I love them so much already..."

He smiled against your hair, hugging you tighter, a genuine happiness slowly forming inside his heart.

"I'm scared, Si." You admitted. "I'm scared of bringing them into this world only to suffer and see horrible things like the two of us."

"Hey, don't say that. Even in hell I found you. I found someone worth fighting for and waking up to everyday. Life isn't all bad, you taught me that yourself." You didn't answer, but he understood what you meant.

"Regardless of your decision — whether you’re keeping them or not — I will support you and stay by your side. Until my last breath." And he kissed the top of your head.

You couldn't muster the courage to abort that life. They were the fruit of the love between you and Simon and they were the best thing you had.

So you decided to keep it, to face the consequences of your acts, to carry the responsibility of bringing a life into this world. 

Months passed without you wanting to know the baby's sex, until Simon convinced you to investigate it.

"Guess." You murmured against his lips, your hands cupping his cheeks.

"Hmm, I have a feeling it's a girl." He secretly longed for one. You guided his hand so he could feel the baby moving, kicking you weakly every now and then.

"It's a girl! We're having a little girl, Si!" His heart fluttered with joy.

"Bloody hell, love... Fuck, I love her so much already. I can't wait to finally meet her."

He has a habit of murmuring sweet nothings your swollen stomach as his fingertips caresses the skin of your belly.

He doesn't let you lift a finger to do almost anything and he even asked captain Price not to allow you to leave the base for any more missions. He couldn't bait to lose both of you.

He helps you with your craving and pregnancy pains —  his massages are divine and melt away any tension you may be feeling.

Close to delivery, when you can no longer bear the weight of your very own stomach, he holds your belly gently with both hands, slowly freeing you from the weight of your little girl for a few seconds — seconds that relieve you absurdly.

Actually cries when he sees his baby for the first time — she's just so tiny, all wrapped around a blanket and her baby clothes, her foot is barely the size of his thumb and she's a little carbon copy of him in appearance. He's utterly glad you decided to keep her over five months ago. He couldn't imagine a world where you three didn't exist anymore.

He is completely disarmed by his daughter. He can face any enemy without hesitation, but if she cries in the morning or asks for something with that look in her eyes, he simply melts.

Protection is his second name. He checks locks, cameras, and sleeps lightly, as if he was still in the field. But the truth is that he just wants to make sure that nothing will hurt the two people he loves most in the world.

As your husband (fucking finally, right?), Simon is silent… but constant. He doesn't need big words; he shows it with actions. Coffee ready, blanket pulled up in the middle of the night, arm around waist without saying anything. He is simply perfect.

[wondrluv]

୨୧ home ; hughes brothers

➪ summary: afer many milestones of her brothers, she finally comes home for the first hughesbowl

➪ warnings: none (surprises?)

➪ word count: 2.6k

➪ emma's notes: i'm pretty sure this was the first hughes bros fic i wrote so i definitely had to go back and rewrite a bunch of it. for a little context you're a famous youtube vlogger :) also i would definitely reread this one because a lot has changed and i wrote like a thousand more words for this one

© wondrluv ; do not copy, repost, or translate my work and designs on any other website or here

sunday, december 3, 2023 @ 3:30 in the morning - naples, italy

“Hello everyone, my name is y/n, and welcome to my channel if you are new here and welcome back if you’re not! It is currently,” She pauses to take a brief look at her watch, “3:30 in the morning on Sunday, December 3. I am very much still in Italy, but not for long.”

The video cuts and now her camera is sitting on her desk, the windows are opened and the lights are adjusted to be a little bit brighter. She smiles brightly at the camera before she starts talking again, “So you’re probably seeing this mid-December ish whcih means you kind of already know what is going on, but. I am officially flying and moving back home.

“Italy has been such a great experience and I’ve had so much fun here, I’ve learned a ton of new things and I am so grateful for everyone I’ve met. If you know, I’ve been here for almost three years now and I think I’m starting to realize how homesick I am. It’s super nice and amazing here but if I’m honest, I kind of miss ‘the land of the free’. That was a joke, the land of the free part, trust.”

She laughs and continues, “Anyway, the main reason I have decided to come home now is because of my brothers. If you also don’t know, I have three younger brothers, Quinn, Jack, and Luke who are professional hockey players. Quinn plays for the Vancouver Canucks and the other two play for the New Jersey Devils. I honestly have missed so much of their careers, Luke especially and I just really want to be there for the first ever ‘Hughesbowl’ I think they’re calling it.” 

She wipes her eyes, trying not to let the tears fall. She looks around at her room and then back at the camera, “So, I’m flying into New York this morning, my flight leaves at 7 so I should probably get going in a little bit. But yeah, I’ll see you guys when I touch down in New York!”

Videos play of y/n getting ready for the airport, all of her luggage behind her. She navigates her way through the airport, stopping to get some food at the Starbucks and a small drink before sitting and reading her book. After the montage, she is now in a car looking a little tired but her smile is still plastered on her face. 

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

sunday, december 3, 2023 @ 10:21 in the morning - new york city, new york

“So as you can see, I am now in New York!” The camera pans to a girl in the driver's seat, “This is my American homie right here. Oh, it’s so weird being back, everyone still can’t walk and drive to save their lives.

“Anyway, Julia and I are heading to drop my stuff off at her place and then we’re going to go get some brunch, I think? We’ll, or I guess, I will go sightseeing. I leave for Vancouver tomorrow night so I can rest up before the shorter flight. It’s honestly, kind of fun being back home, everything is kind of like how I remembered. I might also break into Jack and Luke’s apartment to steal some Devils merch so I can wear it to the game, but yeah.”

“Do the boys know you’re going?” Julia asks, pulling into the parking lot of her apartment complex.

Y/n shakes her head, “Nobody knows except for you and Tiffany, my friend who lives in Vancouver. So that will be an additional bonus to the game. I’ve set up some things with the arena and I guess, actually, some of the team know so Brock, Petey. I think Jesper and Nico know too, we were talking a little bit earlier together when I got here. Alright, I will see you guys sometime soon!”

Another quick montage plays, Julia and y/n are out and about, going from store to store while y/n gapes at all the things she remembered about visiting Jack before she left. At one point, there was a video of her successfully sneaking into her brother's apartment and stealing one of their beanies they kept on the countertop. 

The next video was of her collapsing onto a bed, “We’re home! It is now almost 10 o'clock here and I am going to get some much-needed rest. Tomorrow I think we’re going to meet up with a few more of our friends which I don’t think I’m going to vlog. Which means, I will see you all when I am headed to the airport!”

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

monday, december 4, 2023 @ 7:00 in the evening - john f kennedy airport

“It was already 5 and I am here at the airport,” Y/n pans the camera around before focusing it back on herself, “I am actually starting to get so nervous about this. I mean in a little over 24 hours I get to see my little brothers for the first time in almost 3 years. Wow, that is crazy to say. I ended up going out to an early dinner with some of my friends so I am definitely full for this plane ride. I am going to be landing in Vancouver around 10, basically, I’m going to be falling asleep when I get there.

“I also finished this book which will be in a different video but it was so good and I’m so glad I got to read it. I’m rambling too much, I will see you guys in Canada.”

Footage of the plane played, looking down at the ground below. In the middle of those clips, were videos of y/n either trying not to fall asleep and also her reading. Then, clips of her dragging her luggage through the airport and out the doors to find her friend's car. 

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

monday, december 4, 2023 @ 10:13 in the night - vancouver, british columbia, canada

“Oof! It is nearing my bedtime. Also, Tiffany just mentioned to me how weird it looks that I’m coming all the way from Italy with just a suitcase and carry-on. Don’t worry, I didn’t leave my stuff in Italy. I shipped most of my things here to Vancouver because I’m planning on living with Tif over here for a while until I can afford my place. And who knows, maybe Quinn will kidnap me and force me to come live with him.

“That is completely beside the point there. I have now been in three different countries and two different continents in basically 24 hours theoretically if we look at it from completely one time zone, Pacific. I’m going to cry actually, whether that is because of exhaustion or because I get to see my brothers in less than 20 hours, I don’t know. I will see you guys tomorrow, probably somewhere close to the time I leave for Rogers Arena. Tomorrow is the day.”

The video ends with her sighing with a smile on her face, both happy and nervous for the upcoming events to happen. She went to bed that night, comfortably in another bed instead of an airplane seat once more. Tomorrow was going to be a lot and she could only hope everything went to plan.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

tuesday, december 5, 2023 @ 6:23 in the evening - rogers arena

“I am now standing outside of Rogers Arena on this very cold day in Vancouver. I am really wishing I brought another coat, somehow I still have not trained my body to be adaptive in the cold.” She rolls her eyes but smiles nonetheless, “We’re going to go meet with some of the people who are helping me pull this off and if everything works out you should be seeing the video Tiffany is taking from behind me mashed with another video my friend is taking from the stands.”

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

Y/n stands nervously in the tunnel, playing with her fingers and picking at the skin around her nails. She bounced slightly on the balls of her feet as she listened to the skating come to a halt. It was like her eyes were trained to find her family no matter where she was or where they were. As soon as everyone stopped and got into their lines, she let out a deep breath when her eyes focused on Quinn standing alongside the others. 

His hair was longer, that was for sure. He looked older, more mature than the last time she had seen them. The last time she had actually talked to them was a few days prior, probably about a week ago. She had texted them a few times but other than that, she was too nervous she would accidentally slip up and tell them about her plan. 

Her eyes moved and they zeroed in on Jack who was conveniently also standing next to Luke. Her eyes widened a bit when she saw Luke, he was taller, much taller than she remembered. Jack almost looked the same in her opinion, the only thing different was his hairstyle but even then, he looked like the younger brother who used to pester her when she wouldn’t make his Mac ‘n Cheese the way he wanted her to. 

On the other hand, the boys were standing, looking at the ground while their feet shuffled back and forth to help keep them steady on the ice. Jack and Luke shoved each other once or twice playfully throughout the opening speeches. Quinn had a million thoughts racing through his head. This would be his first time playing against Luke on big league ice, his first time playing his brothers as captain of his team, the first time they would all be playing together in the NHL on the same ice and she wasn’t here. 

He would never hate or relent his older sister for wanting to go off and study in another country, it was an amazing opportunity. He was, however, upset about everything that she had missed of his. Luke’s draft, Luke’s debut, Luke’s first goal, the start of Luke’s rookie season, Jack’s record-breaking season, him being announced captain, his first game as captain. 

While Jack and Luke weren’t thinking about this, Quinn couldn’t help it. Y/n was his big sister, the person he had looked up to for his whole life, the person who took care of him when he took a big hit on the ice, the person who helped him through his first relationship, the person who made him soup when he was sick. She was practically everything to him. And it hurt that she wasn’t here. 

“This isn’t something we normally do, but we figured since it was a special occasion we would make an exception.”

Everyone in the arena had practically gone quiet at the words, no one knew anything extra was happening tonight. A lot of friends looked at each other in confusion, the teams eyed one another - some knowling and some just as confused as the fans -, y/n got even more nervous as the words she had drilled into her head were spoken out loud. 

“As everyone knows, this is an incredible thing happening tonight, three brothers playing against each other.” The said boys rolled their eyes once more but still had smiles on their faces, “We do know that there is one person missing however.”

Many fans of y/n who happened to be in the audience knew almost exactly what was happening at this moment. While she hadn’t hinted at coming back home, who else would they have been talking about? She was the only Hughes in question who wasn’t here. 

“As she told me when she got here, she couldn’t miss another big milestone for her brothers. So after being away in Italy for 3 years, please welcome famous YouTuber and older sister of Quinn, Jack, and Luke Hughes, y/n Hughes!”

Cheers erupted as she stepped out onto the ice and she waved a little to the fans before being almost knocked to the ground by a body tackling her. Luke’s arms wrapped around his sister tightly, his head resting on hers. She smiled softly and wrapped her arms around him as well, “Hi Lukey.”

His voice was soft, “Hi.”

“When’d you get so tall?”

“I’ve always been tall, you’re just short.” He pulled away, his hands resting on her shoulders as he looked at her. His eyes slightly glistened with tears before he pulled her into another hug. He murmured something at first, causing y/n to have to ask him to repeat it, “I’m really really really really really happy you’re here. I don’t think I could’ve gone another six months without you.”

She frowned and squeezed him a little tired before he ultimately pulled away and let Jack scoop her into a hug as well. Compared to Luke’s, Jack’s hug was relatively short because he was now antsy. This would be the first time in years that he would be playing in front of her and he wanted to make her proud. So when he pulled away about a minute later she looked at him confused. He only smiled at her before speaking, “I got the zoomies now.”

She threw her head back as she laughed, shaking her head at him. Her eyes moved round once more to see Quinn standing a foot or two away from her. When she opened her arms, he all but dove into them like Luke had done earlier. He, however, shed a few tears as his head buried into the shoulder. She patted his back and suddenly she realized how many eyes were actually on them. So while she wanted to continue her reunion with the three of them, she whispered something into his ear and he pulled away nodding. 

She waved one more time at the fans as the applause and made her way to the stands where her parents were. Once she was even slightly near her parents, Ellen pulled her into a hug, asking her a bunch of questions about when and how she got there. 

ﾟ+*:୨୧:*﹤

After the game, y/n stood with Jim and Ellen as they waited for the boys to be done. She was in the middle of catching them up on her trip here when someone came from behind and hugged her tightly, slightly lifting her up. She squealed and turned around to hit Jack on the arm, “Hey!”

“What?” He said innocently as he threw an arm around her shoulder, “Can I not hug my sister who I haven’t seen in three years?”

“Of course you can.” She wrapped her arms around his torso and side-hugged him, “You just can’t pick me up.”

He scoffed a little, “Someone’s picky.”

“Where’s Luke and Quinn?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know. I was too excited to see you.”

At that moment, Luke and Quinn made their appearance right behind Jack and hit him over the head. Y/n rolled her eyes before hugging each of them, Quinn’s being a little longer than Luke’s. They all stared at each other once they stopped hugging and then they looked at their parents. 

“Can we go get dinner?” Jack asked.

She rolled her eyes, “Only if you’re paying rich boy.”

He shrugged before walking ahead of them. Y/n looped her arms through Quinn and Luke’s, walking down the hallway out of the arena, “Ah my favorite boys.”

“I heard that!”

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

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H. BROS MASTERLIST ; NHL MASTERLIST

TAGLIST ; NAVIGATION

[bengals-barnesbabe]

Princess Ti

Pair: Husband!Tee Higgins x Chase Sister!Reader

Descr: The day everyone’s been waiting for is here, GAME DAY- wait something’s not right.

TW: language, mentions of sex, childbirth.

Picture Day | Main Masterlist

WC: 5k

....:::: * * •° ✾ °•* * ::::....

“Y/n, it’s almost kick off!” Your mother-in-law calls out.

You huff hugging your bump, looking at the shirt you’d usually be wearing for game day if you weren’t 41 weeks pregnant.

Usually, you'd be at the game cheering your husband and younger brother on from the stands, but that wasn't really an option this far along in your pregnancy. But you at least wanted to indulge in your favorite game day tradition: wearing Tee's jersey. However, that wasn’t going so smoothly either.

Your bedroom door opens, and Tee’s mom pops her head in. “You okay, darlin’?”

“I would be, but I’m still pregnant, so I’m not.” She chuckles and sits on the bed next to Tee’s jersey. 

“I know how you feel. You’re tired, antsy, anxious, moody. Little princess is really enjoying her time in there.” She offers you a kind smile.

“I think I made too good of home in there. Tee says there’s no better place for her to be than the womb. Of course, he would because he doesn’t have swollen ankles and an extra 30 lbs to carry on his torso. He was so scared I’d go into early labor that I think he convinced her to stay longer. 2 more weeks and she’ll be evicted via C-section, and that’s the last thing I want.” You pout, joining her on the bed.

“Hey, everything’s going to be fine. You’ve been doing everything right to get your body ready for this. She’ll come when it’s right. You said you woke up with contractions, right?”

You nod your head, “Braxton hicks. I’ve been dilated 2 centimeters for a week. Tee didn’t want to go to work, but it only lasted 15 minutes. The last one was actually before you came in, but it didn’t last long. It’s been like this since I hit 37 weeks.”

“Hey, you never know; babies surprise everyone.” You chuckle.

“I think I can fix this problem, though.” She points to the jersey. “Have a pair of scissors around?”

You go over to your vanity and dig out some hair scissors. She takes them and cuts a long triangle up the sides. “Here, now you can wear it and be comfortable.”

You slip the jersey over your white tee and admire her handiwork. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome; now we have a game to watch.” You happily link arms and join your mother in the living room.

“Y/n, your brother is driving me insane.” You roll your eyes when you see her eyes glued to her phone.

“What’d he do this time?” You sit between the ladies and hog a bowl of pretzels as she goes on about Ja’Marr’s post-game dinner requests.

You spend the next half snacking, yelling at the screen (not that you’d ever tell your husband), and listening to your mothers chat about their sons. You fell asleep during the start of the third quarter but woke to the same pain you felt this morning.

“I’m so tired of these fake ass contractions.” You hold on to your belly as the tightening gets worse. “Sorry for my language.”

Your mother shakes her head. “Babygirl, you’re in pain. No one is judging a few curse words, even if we both know you have a sailor’s tongue.”

“Momma, what-whatever, fuck- J told you isn’t- oh my god.” You grab hold of her hand as it’s held out.

“Hey hey, breathe, Y/n, breathe. Are you timing this?” Your mother-in-law nods as alarmed as yours. 

Your eyes squinched, teeth gritted, and you cried out in a pain you’d never felt before. “Mommy!”

“Yeah, baby, I’m right here.” You feel her free hand run your back. You try to do the breathing exercises she tells you and finally exhale when the pain dials down.

“Y/n?” You look up at the woman teary-eyed. 

“I lied, I don’t think these are Braxton hicks. They started a few hours after he left. I thought they were fake until they were happening every other hour. Now there’s even less time between them.” 

“I’m calling your midwife over and texting my son.” Your mother-in-law rubs your leg with a smile.

“Y/n, why didn’t you tell us you were in labor?” 

“Because I’m not. My water hasn’t broken yet, and they aren’t that close together. Tee’s not here. It’s not happening right now. If she wanted to come, it should've been this morning. It can’t be happening.” You shake your head and look up at the TV. As if on cue, your husband catches a pass and runs it to the endzone.

“Aww, babygirl, I know it’s scary, but this is what we’ve been waiting for.” She brings your head to her shoulder.

“The game isn’t over; we can’t just- ohhh fuck it’s back,” you whine as the contractions come back tenfold. You feel it everywhere now, your abdomen, back, pelvis- it was like you were being stabbed and electrified all over.

“Sarah is on her way over, and I called someone to get Tee.”

❁ཻུ۪۪♡

“Great catch, Tee! Great job, baby!” His teammates hollered as the wide receiver jogged over to the bench. 

The Bengals were winning 28 - 18 over the Browns, with both Tee and Ja’Marr catching each pass that came their way. Tee was all smiles as he sat back and took off his helmet. 

“That’s right, boy, show ‘em who's they daddy!” He chuckles as Ja’Marr hypes him up.

“Aight now, only one person can call me that, and she ain’t here yet.” They do their handshake with similar smiles. 

“Now that game gon be special,” Ja’Marr says before one of the sideline managers approaches them. “Hey, what’s the rush?” 

The girl looks at Tee with a sheepish smile.

He furrows his brows. “What’s wrong?”

She catches her breath and then speaks up. “We just got a call from your mom, your wife- Y/n’s in labor.”

“My sister’s in labor! Shit, I guess that day’s today.” Ja’Marr chuckles as his brother-in-law jumps up.

“I gotta go- wait, Coach- fuck.”

“Don’t worry, just go, Taylor knows. Go meet your daughter.” She smiles, ushering him off the field.

“I’ll catch up with y’all later. Take care of them! Good luck!” Tee waves as he runs into the tunnel.  

❁ཻུ۪۪♡

Your midwife, Sarah, arrived at the house minutes after calling her and, making her the third person in your presence who seemed to enjoy your pain. Then, before she could even examine you, you leaned over in pain and felt a small gush of fluids coat your shorts. 

On the way to the birth center, you were shifting between feeling extremely anxious, pure electrocuting pain, and intense worry. Everything was happening so fast, and the fact that your husband wasn’t here was making all your nerves go off. 

“Wow, this room is really nice. I had all my babies in a cheap ass hospital, so I’m not used to this kind of luxury.” Your mom praised as you settled into your birthing room.

“Momma, I’m begging you.” 

Tee still hadn’t arrived yet, it that, along with the fact that you were currently 5 centimeters dilated, was not helping calm your anxiety at all. Sarah and the two moms in the room were doing their best to soothe your aches, but nothing beats the comfort of being in your man’s arms during your time in need.

“Maybe you should rethink the epidural, baby.” Mama T suggests while tying your braids up into a bun.

“Yea, babygirl, it could help. It’s never too late to ask.” Your mom added. 

In return, you shook your head, unable to open your eyes due to the pain. “No, we had a plan. No matter how bad it gets, I don’t want them to take away any of my senses.”

 God, how badly you needed your husband. You wanted him to be the one rubbing your back and helping you through the worst pain you’ve ever felt. How could he not be here right now? He’s been waiting for this day longer than you and is late! 

“Where the fuck is my husband?” You grunt through your gritted teeth.

“He’s on his way sweetheart, just breath.” Sarah coos, earning a deadly side eye from you. 

“I’m going to kill him.”

“How about you think about how happy and relieved you’re gonna be when all this is over and your baby girl is safely in your arms.”

“Why did I let him do this to me?” You groaned, completely ignoring her. As the contraction subsides, you lay your hand over your eyes and let the exhaustion of labor pull you into a shallow slumber.

“Maybe we should start her on some Nitrous?”

❝ ❞ ✧ ೃ༄

About Nine Months Ago..

“My boobs have been absolutely killing me.” You hiss as you palm the tender flesh. 

“Want me to massage ‘em for ya?” You catch the cheeky smile on your husband’s face through the bathroom mirror and shake your head.

“No, Tamaurice, that will make them worse.” 

“Awww, the government name. What did I do this time?” he lightly groans, shuffling into the bathroom like a sad toddler.

“Nothing that this can’t tell us.” You shrug, pulling a box out of a CVS bag. 

“Y/n?”

“Tee?”

“That’s a pregnancy test.” 

Ever since you and Tee got married, you kept a box hidden in the lower cabinet for emergencies. “Yes, it is.” 

“Why do you already have it?” It started as a gag gift from one of your friends. It was a Secret Santa party, and they thought it would be funny since you always joke about how much sex you and Tee have.

“Baby, it’s just a precaution. I could be just PMSing, but we have to rule out the possibility.”

“How many of these have you taken without me knowing?” Enough to know you want this one to be positive.

He turns your body to face his and perfectly reads the longing on your face. You want this to be the last one more than anything.

“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to have a baby?” You shrugged, not knowing what to say.

“Y/n, I’m your husband. Remember that really expensive party on that mountain of snow? That was a wedding.” He chuckles as you slap his chest.

“I’m very aware that we’re married. It only happened eight months ago. I just didn’t want to be disappointed when you said no.” You frown, looking down.

“Hey, hey. Baby, don’t do that; let me see you.” His voice is calm and soft as he lifts your head to see his warm smile. “If you had told me you wanted to have a baby, I would’ve gotten you pregnant the second we got to the islands.” 

“Really?” He lifts you onto the counter so you can be eye to eye and smirks.

“Oh yeah, there’s nothing sexier than my wife walking around with my last name and my baby cooking for all the world to see. Fuck I’d love to see you pregnant with my jersey on. Then, by the end I get to raise a baby that looks just like you. I couldn’t be happier about that. Then after our little prince or princess is old enough and your ready, I’ll fuck you full of me again until there’s no doubt we’ll have another one on the way.”

Hearing him talk about getting you pregnant is so possessive, dirty, raunchy even, but all around absolutely amazing. He wants this just as much as you do, and maybe more. God, you’re lucky.

Grabbing his face, you smile as big as possible. “I love you so much, Tamaurice.” Then press your lips against his.

He chuckles into your lips and gently returns the kiss, wrapping your legs around him and hugging your body. “Ok baby, now don’t you have a test to take?” He asks after slightly pulling away, just enough for his words to come out clearly. You fully lean back and play with the braids on his neck.

“What if it’s negative?”

“Then I’ll spend the next few days making love to you all over this house, and we’ll enjoy every minute of it.” He said as if it was the sweetest dream he’d ever had, then pecked your forehead. “Okay mamas?”

Oh that name brought chills down your spine. You nodded as he lifted you off the counter and onto your feet. Taking a deep breath, you finally open the pink box and take out the test. “Will you stay here with me?”

“Of course, I will; now go pee on that stick mama.” He winks, slapping your butt as you walk into the water closet (private toilet). 

“I’m right here baby!” You roll your eyes but enjoy every bit of his enthusiasm. “I don’t hear any pissing, just giggling.”

“Oh my god, Tee, give it a second!”

“Want me to bring you some water? Actually I have a better idea.” Then he turns on the faucet. What’s not to love about this man?

Moments later, he hears a flush, and you join him back at the counter. “So…”

“We have to wait 15 minutes for the test to develop fully, " you said, putting the stick back in the box and washing your hands.

“You know waiting’s never been my strong suit.”

You roll your eyes and hop onto the counter. “Tell me a secret then.”

“Only if you tell me one.” He challenges laying his hands on your thighs.

“Deal.” You both smirk and count to 3 on your fingers. 

“Ja’Marr wasn’t the one who finished the rice and peas.”

“I hate making pecan pie.”

Your eyes widen while his jaw drops. “Baby, how the hell did you eat a whole pot of rice and peas?”

“Mamas, who gives a shit about the rice. You said you loved pecan pie. You asked my momma for the recipe!” Tee’s grip on your thighs deepens a bit.

“I said it because it was your favorite, and I wanted that second date! You can’t blame me for liking your fine ass. I would pretend to play flag football if it meant you’d like me as much as I did you. You know I hate running.” You whine, wrapping your arms around his neck and pecking his pouty lips.

His lips curve back up in a smile as he chuckles. “You do hate running, so you’ve made that pie every year on my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas shit whenever I mention it all for me. You’ve never liked it once?”

You slowly nod, biting your lip. “Nope.”

A smirk grows on his handsome face, exposing his sparkly teeth. “You must’ve really liked a nigga to be doin’ all the cooking with no ring.” 

You snort, rolling your eyes as he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you into his chest. “Of course I fucking liked you, have you met yourself. You’re probably the most charismatic, fine, intelligent, kind, sexy man I’ve ever met.” You smile, pecking his lips until he meets your lips with more force. 

After the short but sweet kiss, he pulls back from your lips but leaves your foreheads touching. “Damn, I don’t know what I did to deserve a woman like you. But I thank god every day for you. You know I’d do anything for you, too, right? Without you, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. After my first year in the league, I was feeling really low. Then, this angel walked onto the practice field and changed my life. There was no way I would’ve turned you down, not when you brought a light to my life I didn’t realize was missing.” You smile misty-eyed as he wipes away a stray tear.

“Shit, the only thing I regret in life is not buying you a ring sooner.” He says, causing you to scoff.

“Oh, two years was too late for you?”

“Oh, yeah. I was ready to be with you forever from day one. Your big-headed brother is the one who told me to wait, " he smirked.

You chuckle, laying a hand on his cheek. “Well, it doesn’t matter now. I’m yours, and you’re mine; everyone else be damned.” His head turns slightly, and he kisses your palm.

“Just me and you, baby.”

Then the timer goes off.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

When Tee finally reaches the birth center, he finds your mother pacing outside.

“Hey, mama J, what’s wrong? Is she alright? Is it the baby? Oh god, what happened?” He asks with his hands going to the top of his head, panicked and looking through doors to see if anything is happening.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re here.” She sighs in relief, taking the corner of his shirt and dragging him inside.

“It’s bad, isn’t it? I told her I should’ve stayed home today, but she was too stubborn, and now-

“Now, she can finally relax because you’re here.” She smiles and turns into the room. You smiled immediately upon seeing the love of your life.

“Oh fucking, finally!” Tee lets out the breath he was holding in and rushes over to your bedside. “You took your sweet ass time.”

He chuckles at your grumpiness and lifts your chin for your lips to meet briefly. “I’m sorry, mamas, I got stuck in the pads and walked into a few walls trying to get them off.”

You press your lips together to suppress your laughter. “Okay, that makes everything better, " you say as the chuckles bubble to the surface. While you release your amusement, he admires how adorable you look in your soft pink gown, with your long braids pulled up into a bun and your large bump with a fetal monitor wrapped around it.

“I can’t believe we’re having a baby. How are you so calm right now? I’ve been freaking out since this morning.” He looks over at your contraction waves and goes bugged-eyed by the giant waves produced in contrast to your bubbly appearance. “What the hell?”

“She’s on nitrous.” His mom looks over, smirking. 

“Shit, momma, I forgot you were here.” He nervously chuckles as she walks over to her son and hugs him.

“That’s ok, you have more pressing matters. You should’ve seen her earlier, though. I thought she was gonna start swinging.” The pair look over at you, taking selfies in your hospital bed.

“Now look at her, giving birth and snapping pics, mm mm mm kids nowadays.”

Then, another wave of contractions hit you a bit differently. “Oh shit.” You raise and hug your belly. “Someone call Sarah right now!”

Tee’s brows scrunch. “What’s up?”

“The baby’s coming.” You take the oxygen mask your mom hands to you and take a deep breath. He comes over and puts his hand on your lower back.

“I know, that’s why we’re here.” You shake your head and grab his free hand, squeezing as hard as possible. “Baby?”

“There’s this pressure- a lot of fucking pressure. I feel like I need to push.” You groan out.

“Wait, you mean push push?” He asks wide-eyed.

“Yes, fuck! Oh my god! Fucking shit! Why the hell did I let you do this to me?”

“Ok, we need to order more nitrous.”

“Hello friends, oh Tamaurice, I'm glad you could join us today.” Sarah chimes, walking into the room in full gear.

“Oh, that was fast.” Tee remarks.

“I heard her from down the hall, so I assume it’s baby time!” Your midwife cheers, rolling her stool over to the bed.

Suddenly, all the anxiety from earlier about Tee missing your daughter’s birth evolves into anxiety about the birth itself. “Wait, wait, wait. Baby, I don’t think I can do this. We haven’t thought this through. I’m not ready. I can’t do this.”

“Hey hey hey,” Tee cups your face in his hands and takes in the immense worry in your eyes. “Y/n, you are way more than prepared. You know exactly what to do and have all the strength to do it. You’ve done an amazing job cooking and caring for her in there, but it’s time for her to be in your arms instead of your belly.”

“But what if I’m not a good mom? What if she comes out and we just fuck her up?” Your voice trembles as you lean into him.

“Mamas, you aren’t going to be a good mom- you’ll be the best. Every decision you’ve made in the past year was for her. Our princess is being welcomed by my queen, and my queen only gives her 110%. My queen also has a king who is willing to do any and everything for you. This king is also ready to meet his Princess Ti, and I bet her momma is too.” He pecks your lips and then smiles as your tears dry up.

“Okay, let’s have a baby.”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

The following two hours felt like a blur of emotions: voices of your loved ones urging you to push, the hands-on your body holding you up, the exhaustion of the labor wanting to take over. Then, it all fluttered away with a sudden relief and a sharp cry. You immediately slumped back into the bed, the exertion impacting every part of your body. You wanted to fall asleep right there, now that all the pain had drifted away and you felt at ease. 

Then you opened your eyes and saw her.

At first, it was just a tiny head of dark hair. Then your midwife turned around, and there she was, wrapped up in a pink swaddle cloth, one hand swiping at her light brown cheeks and big eyes searching the room. 

“Oh my god.” Your whisper makes her eyes dark right to you, and she lets out a whimper.

“You want your mama, don’t you? Come on, sweet pea.” Sarah coos and you gently place her in your arms. 

“Oh wow, you’re real.” You breathily whisper to yourself. The infant’s eyes stay on you like you're the only person in the world, just like yours stay locked on her. “Hi, baby.” 

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Tee leans over to kiss your head. You nod, stroking her tiny cheeks. 

“Yeah, she looks just like her momma.” He smiles, caressing her head.

“She’s amazing, I can’t believe we made her.” You sniffle. “Baby, we’re parents.” You smile, looking up at your husband.

“Speaking of, mom and dad, does our little angel have a name?” 

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Tee says as he rummages through the bag he brought. 

“What is it?”

He comes back with three black circular velvet boxes, one twice as big as the other two. “Here’s the real reason I was late.” You watch him smile, puzzled, while he hands you the bigger one.

“What is this?” 

“These ones,” he holds up the other two boxes, “are for our little princess from her uncles J and JB.” He smiles, opening one to reveal a small tiara.

Your eyes widen, and a gasp escapes your mouth. “Oh my god, that is the cutest thing I have ever seen.” Tee chuckles as he removes the small cap from your daughter’s head and replaces it with the small crown.

“Joe’s been asking what he should get her for months. I kept saying something fit for a princess. And he definitely delivered. He reminded me to grab it from his locker before I left. He hid it very well.” 

“And the other one?”

“I’ve had this one for a while. I think it was about a month after telling Ja’Marr that he texted me saying he had something for me to pick up.” He opens the second box.

“He didn’t.” You look up at him in complete shock and take it out of his hands.

“Pure gold bracelet, anklet, and ring set, made by the same company in NOLA that made yours. It was so hard to keep it from you; every time you had a slight ache or pain that made your days long and tiring, I wanted to bring it out and cheer you up. Especially when we found out they went out of business. I know you wanted this for our baby girl so badly. J really pulled through with this one.” Your mom joins you, looking at the set in awe. 

“I didn’t even know he knew about that.” She whispers.

“Me neither.” You sniffle as your husband kneels, takes the small bracelet out, and clasps it around your baby’s wrist.

“There are more adjustable chains for when she outgrows this one, but for now, she’s perfect.” He smiles, kissing her tiny hand.

“What about this one?” Your mom points to the box he handed you first. 

“This one is from me to my beautiful bride, who I am forever thankful for and proud of for doing one of life’s hardest jobs and giving me my baby girl.” You blink away tears as he smiles and kisses your hand before sitting on the side of the bed and revealing the last item. “I told you you’d always be my queen. And since our princess already has hers..” 

“Tee, it's beautiful.” Your voice trembled as he lifted an almost identical replica of the tiara on your baby’s head onto your own. 

“Only the best for the loves of my life.” He wipes a fallen tear from your cheek and kisses your head. Shifting over in the bed, you gesture for him to sit closer, and he gladly scoots up next to you.

Sighing in pure contentment, you lay your head on his chest. “Thank you, " you replied softly, yawning, then gently passing the bag to your husband. 

“We gotta make sure the princess lives up to her name. Ain’t that right, Tiana?” He cooes holding her with one arm and you with the other, supporting her head with your body.

“Yea my little girl’s not gonna fall for those little f boy traps, nope. She has a daddy who will show her the universe, so no one can ever top it but yourself. My precious girl, Tiana...

You swiftly drift off into a deep sleep, listening to your husband make promises to her, knowing he will keep.

ʚ❤︎ɞ ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ ʚ❤︎ɞ

A few hours later, after you’ve rested and fed your baby, Tiana receives her first visitor.

“Hey, family, where’s my Titi?” Ja’Marr sings, walking in your room.

Rolling your eyes, you nudge your head to where Tee’s sitting on the lounge chair next to your bed. 

“There she is,” he grins, sitting on the edge of the bed to admire her. “Wow, she’s incredible. You did a great job, sis.” He says, handing you two bags.

“Thank you, and thank you. How was the rest of the game?” you ask, opening the bag of steaming food, which fills the room with a mouthwatering aroma, and digging into your Cajun fries.

“It was okay. Most of the guys were worried about you. But we won, so all is well. They even dedicated the win to baby Tiana.” He chuckles, removing the beanie from his head.

“Holy shit,” you gasp, causing some of the fries to fall onto your gown.

He looks back at you, confused. “What?”

“Oh right, I forgot to tell her you buzzed your hair too.” Tee mentions it as if it was nothing.

“Bro, seriously.” Your brother questions, earning a shrug from your husband.

You continue to stare at him in shock but resume eating. “Did you do it yourself too?”

He shakes his head. “Hell nah, not after what I did to him.” You snort, thinking about the impromptu shape-up you had to give your husband.

“Yeah Tiana didn’t enjoy it either; she kicked so much that day.” 

“Baby, you sure it wasn’t because you overloaded on sugar beforehand?” Tee smirked, stealing one of your fries.

Before you can respond, you hear a whine come from his arms. 

“Oh, I'm sorry, Tiana. Are we not paying attention to you?” You smile at his ‘baby voice’ and look over to watch them interact, like everyone else in the room.

“Damn, she looks exactly like you, Y/n. Especially with the gold.” Ja’Marr winks.

“I still can’t believe you kept them a secret from me for eight months. I cried for days when they announced that they were closing down. I don’t know if you're the best or worst brother doing this to me.” He chuckled, wrapping an arm around you. 

“I think I earned brother of the year with that set.” You snorted, shaking your head.

“Yea, no, not with that haircut. Now go hold your niece.” You ordered, shoving him off the bed.

“Hey, that’s fine by me. Come on,  Titi, it’s Uncle Marr time.” He gave Tee grabby hands until the baby was passed into his arms then he took the seat.

“Thank goodness you don’t look anything like your dad. You might have his last name, but you got all the good Chase features.” Your husband rolls his eyes, joining you on the bed.

Wrapping his arms around you, he sighs softly. “That’s my princess.”

“I know, honey. Think about this: she might not have it now, but when she gets older, I know she’s gonna have your amazing smile.” 

“You think so?” You nodded, then kissed his lips. 

“I know so because that’s the only expression she’s going to know. She’s going to learn that she has the best daddy who always makes sure her momma is smiling. She'll never have to worry with you by her side.” 

He chuckled, showcasing his award-winning smile. “I love you and Tiana so much.”

“We know, right, Titi?” Your daughter wiggled in her uncle’s arms, trying to find your voice, and then a slight whimper started to bubble.

“Oh, come on, Tiana, we were having a moment.” Ja’Marr pouts as the baby’s eyes start crinkling.

“I guess I’ll give you back now, but I will be back, Titi.” He mumbles, handing her to you.

“Oh, my precious princess Ti.”

﹌﹌﹌ ꕥ ﹌﹌﹌ ꕥ ﹌﹌﹌ ꕥ ﹌﹌﹌

a/n: I don't think I've ever worked on a fic as much and as hard as this one. I'm very glad it's finished, so yall enjoy. The final part of this mini series will be out next week!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated and encouraged if you liked this fic.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

I just want to say thank you for all the things you say on here. I also want to ask, if it’s okay, how did you handle transitioning when it came to the what ifs? I’ve found myself thinking I might be trans more and more- but every time I think I’m getting close to deciding what I want to do about it I keep hesitating and now I’m worried it’s too late. I’m almost 30- I know it’s possible to transition at any time. But I don’t know if it’s worth starting a process unless I’d be satisfied with the result, and I don’t know if I’d ever get the opportunity to present how I want to.

I really admire that you’ve found what works for you. You seem so confident and comfortable, your style is incredible, and I always look forward to the good night pictures of your cats. I sometimes think that I could be like that someday, but I keep talking myself out of making decisions because I’m so scared of the risks. How did you know when it was time to start transitioning? Did you have to push through doubt or did it just feel right?

Thank you, and I hope you have a lovely day.

Heya, Anon. Thank you for the kind words. <3

I'm not the best person to ask about transition doubt, as I've always had a very strong male identity ever since I can remember. Once I learned about HRT and top surgery at 18, I knew they were for me.

But where I can help is if it's family that is holding you back. This article is something I desperately wish was around when I was younger - I spent an extra 10 years in the closet to appease family and it nearly destroyed me. (I came out the first time at 20, and started HRT at 33. Top surgery not 'til 40 because I was poor.)

Remember, there's always ways to try out a new gender presentation. I used cosplay to get used to presenting male in public. Haircuts, clothes, and binding go a long way. And even things like HRT -- you can start on a smaller dose, stop, start again... you're really in a lot of control here as long as you are aware of the timeline of effects.

There will always be things about medical transition that you won't be satisfied about. It helps to cultivate gender envies that share physical traits with you. There will be surprises, bad and good. But a lot of imperfections feel less so simply with age. And there is a lot to love about having a trans body.

So your real criteria is -- "will I be happier overall?" For a lot of us, transition erases a lot of the background radiation in our lives that kept us from flourishing. I knew it was time to transition because my world had gone so very grey with depression - I had increasingly become unreliable and wasn't taking care of myself or my home very well. I wasn't exactly suicidal, but I absolutely wasn't living.

I transitioned when I was dead broke, and though it was a slog at times to pay for things, it was the best decision I have ever made in my life. Transition removed a major source of trauma in my life so I could focus on fixing my other shit and become a better person. I still have depression, ADHD, and my autism sometimes gets in the way, but they're manageable in a way that was impossible prior to HRT. And yeah, I also get to enjoy days of euphoria, too. :)

There's risks to everything and transition is a lot of work, rewarding as it is. The risks range from embarrassment to violence, and the former is survivable and the latter can be mitigated with planning & vigilance.

I'd suggest simply planning for the long term while you try things out. Build your safety net with affirming friends, work on your job prospects, and simply be honest and kind to yourself. Remember that emotional vulnerability is not a weakness and that doubt can guide you on what to prepare for.

And even if you decide transition is not for you, the introspection and planning should put you in a better place for what seems to be an uncertain future for us all.

[junedenim]

2016

beneath the boardwalk, part 14 (series masterlist)

used to be my girl

warnings: ...i don't know at this point. let it be a surprise.

word count: 8.5k

January turns me into a bitter, restless being. I feel a need to be everywhere, yet I am too cold to move. I stay under my bed covers and rot. Unlike past winters, I had a watchman to make sure I didn’t slip into complete hibernation, and though I grew my hair long and had less care for what clothes I wore under my coat, I didn’t feel the need to set my apartment on fire.

George’s look hardened in winter, but his spirit didn’t. His smile glowed like the star on top of the tree. He shovelled the snow off my apartment steps, granting me favour with neighbors I previously thought hated me.

Mr. & Mrs. Sanders, who lived below me in the grand apartment on the first floor, gifted me a peanut butter fudge. Mrs. Sanders was quite disappointed to learn George didn’t actually live there. I was terrified she would revoke the dessert. I already shoved one in my mouth and nearly moaned at the delightful taste. Thankfully, they left the dessert with me and invited George and me over for dinner.

After the mouth-watering dinner, when George and I ascended the stairs to my apartment, I told him, “I can never break up with you ‘cause I think she’ll kill me if I do.”

He kissed my cheek. “Good.”

Should I have feared losing him or Mrs. Sanders and her kitchen knives?

*

My New Year’s resolution was to read more. George was the kind of man who believed in those wishful things. He had everyone who worked at the bookstore write one and pin it to the wall. He pinned mine next to his and cited me as an honour member. It felt like too much pressure not to uphold, especially when he gave me free books.

I started big, so I didn’t have to worry what he thought of me for not making it through a 100-page book. So, I cracked War & Peace open on the 10th.

I was two pages in when Alex called me.

“David Bowie died,” he told me.

It felt like every piece of news we exchanged that year was wrapped in somber tones. It wasn’t intentional. These were somber years. It was like god had died. We had to discuss everything. Nothing felt real until I knew what he thought about it and vice versa, I suspect. Unfortunately, Bowie was the first of these phone calls.

When I told Alex about my reading, he uttered, “Fuck. Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“If I accidentally drop the book, it could take off my foot.” The nearly 1,500 pages weighed around a newborn baby. “If I start now, I might be finished by the time I’m in a nursing home.”

He laughed at me. “Why didn’t you start with something lighter?”

I stood to grab a snack from the kitchen. My stomach rumbled. We’d been on the phone for a while. “Because I’m trying to be impressive. I might Anna Karenina myself.”

“See,” he said, “you’re already a Russian lit expert. When did you read Anna Karenina?”

George was due to come over in less than a half hour after work. He was making me a Greek chicken with cucumber-feta salad for dinner. I don’t know a single person who is healthier than George. I suppose none of them live in New York and smoke cigarettes like all my friends do. I snacked on a bag of chips. “I watched the movie.”

I could picture his smile. “I think War & Peace has a movie if you feel like giving up.”

“It’s alternative viewing, not giving up,” I reasoned. He was amused by that too. “Is it warm there? It’s freezing here.” I never named LA; it was simply there for me. New York was here.

“15 degrees or something,” he told me. No one I knew spoke in Celsius. It felt like order was restored. “The sky is crying a little. Been inside all day.”

I sat on the edge of my bed and placed the throw blanket over me. “It’s below freezing here. It’s crazy how different it can be when we’re in the same country.” Things were different when we were in the same city. I don’t know why a whole country between us would be any different.

“It was above 30 on me birthday.”

I stilled. “Shit.”

“It’s okay.” He laughed, but I wasn’t finding humour in the situation. I didn’t call him. No text. No “Happy Birthday.”

I clutched my hand over my head. “No, it’s not. I feel awful! I’ve barely been able to keep track of what day it is. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care, Jane. I got to avoid your relentless jokes.” Alex last cared about a birthday around 18. I guess after that birthdays matter less and less.

“Oh, my god!” I pained myself. “I had a boatload of 30-year-old jokes. I even wrote them down.”

“Skipping your mocking was birthday present enough. It gives me a chance to come up with some for your birthday.” 

I pouted. “That’s not very generous.”

“Boo woo. I’ll give you In Search of Lost Time for your birthday.” 3,200 pages. I’ll be reading it in the grave.

*

George and I followed a screening of Brooklyn with lunch at his favourite delicatessen where he ate a huge hoagie and I had a bagel. “When she goes back to Ireland it makes me miss England,” I confessed to him. “You forgot how much you miss it until you’re back.”

“I couldn’t imagine being that far from home.” His parents lived an hour away in Yonkers. He visited one weekend a month. His family was close in a way I had never seen with any other family. He didn’t have the happiest of childhoods, yet he still adored his parents.

“It hasn’t been home for a while. I’ve been in the States for almost a decade. It’s weird to think about.”

“Do you think you’ll live here forever?”

I said, “I think so,” but I didn’t really. I couldn’t imagine having children who have American accents. It’s a grim thought.

*

Womb launched on Valentine’s Day because Opal thought it would be cute and an excuse to say she had plans for the day as a single woman. We had a small party at George’s bookstore and on the tispy walk back to my apartment, Alex called me. I picked up the phone and squeezed George’s hand.

“Hello,” I said.

“Hey. I like your Womb.”

I snorted uglily. “You’ve been waiting to say. I can tell.”

“Low-hanging fruit,” he conceded. “But I do like it.”

(For the briefest of moments, I thought he meant my actual womb. I was a little slow from the wine.) “Really?”

“Yeah. How could I not? I like everything you write.” He was always sincere in the practice. He never strayed.

We were stopped on a street corner. “I don’t know. It means a lot coming from you. You know that.”

“You never fail to impress me,” he said. “You know that.”

I ducked my head down and hoped from the icy air to chill my burning red cheeks. I hoped to turn them pink from the wind and hide this secret of mine. “Thank you,” I whispered. Too pure to acknowledge above a whisper.

We listened to each other’s breathing. Then, the moment passed. “Well, I’ve got to head out.”

“Valentine’s Day plans?”

“Yeah. Just a nice dinner.”

“Have fun.”

“You too. Night, Janie.”

I put my phone back in my purse and laughed. I thought of how we both had wished one another to have a good lay. Oh, how far we’ve come.

“Was that Alex?” George interrupted my giggles.

The light turned green and we began to cross. “Yeah. How’d you know?”

He looked straight ahead. “You always talk different when you’re on the phone with him.”

“How so?” I crossed my brows, but I wasn’t confused by what he was saying. I knew how I talked. I knew how my tone toward Alex could be ever since Stacey teased me about it in our youth.

George shrugged. “I can’t decode it, but I can tell.” He put a smile on and looked at me. “Should we stop for dessert?”

*

I had a rubbish 30th birthday. I found another decade to be disagreeable. I didn’t think turning the big 3-0 would affect me so deeply and I don’t believe it really did. Really, the better part of three vodka martinis (it felt like an adult drink, okay!) and the aged rotten thought that I was too old to still be having nights like this was what ruined 30 for me.

On the morning of my 30th—a Saturday, the best day of the week to have a birthday—I indulged in the pleasures of a cigarette indoors. It was my gift to myself. George had a late night at the bookstore and decided to stay there, but we had plans for the afternoon into the night.

Stacey called me while I nursed a cup of coffee and I laughed at all her jokes about me being a sorry old cunt now. She was living in London with her boyfriend. She had a job as an actuarial analyst, not that I really knew what that was (or is). She had always been above my head in smarts, let alone in maths. When she laughed, I felt like a riptide had pulled me away from her. My joints ached in the non-arthritis way, and part of my soul cried, but I laughed instead because she has the most infectious laugh. You just have to hear it to feel it.

I decided to treat myself to a pastry from the corner cafe. My birthday was reserved for plump sugar delights that I would later find regrettable, but they tasted so sweet going down. While finishing off a cinnamon roll, I unlocked my mailbox.

I think one of the best parts of your birthday is getting mail that isn’t bills. Of course, there was still some mixed in with the handwritten notes. I had already received most of the cards early and they lined the shelf by the front door.

Fennel and Kaka had sent me one. Like most gifts from them, it was too much—a beautiful card I would get framed and $100. When I (lackadaisically) tried to refuse it, they insisted I keep and said sweet things about me being their surrogate daughter and then I cried because I was 30 and drunk.

With sticky fingers, I came across a blue envelope with that scrawl I knew too well. I waited until I was sitting on the middle of my bed to open it. I was delicate with it until I spotted 100 in big, bold red letters. The card’s print read, “At 100, you're still playing with a full deck, you just shuffle slower.”

I laid back with a giggle and no longer felt so painfully old. On the inside, he wrote, “Saw this and thought of you. I’m afraid we need a gin rummy rematch. My record is in dire need of repair. I hope to recover before we’re 31. Happy birthday, Janie. I think you’ll find 30 to suit you. Love, Alex.” In different penmanship right below was “& Taylor & Scooter.” She wrote it in a red pen, which I found mildly offensive from my days of failed tests and edited manuscripts, but the gesture was nice considering I had no clue when her birthday was or how old she even was. 

Scooter was her dog, which now seemed to be their dog, and to the untrained eye, it could seem like a family. I placed the card on my chest right beside my heart. I waited for the beating to calm or at least to get used to this uneven breathing.

I didn’t place the card on my shelf. I stuffed it into the bottom of my bedside drawer like it was a bad omen. The card would appear more guilty in my drawer, and yet I felt that’s the only place it could be placed. I didn’t want to toss it, for some reason, but I couldn't bear to stare at it.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

It sounded itself every time my heart pounded against my ribcage.

I called George. He sang “Happy Birthday!” I placed my phone down on the bed while he did it. I waited until the faint sound of his singing voice had finished. “So,” he said, “how’s it feel?”

“30, flirty, and thriving,” I sighed.

He began to talk about our plans for later in the day, but I could only hear the beating of my heart. He was still talking when I said, “I’d like to get a turtle.”

“A turtle?”

“Yeah.” I grabbed my laptop for further research. “I would like a turtle for 30. I’ve always wanted one, and now I want to have what I want.”

“Alright, Veruca,” he declared.

I met George on Atlantic Ave where we grabbed lunch at French Louie’s, which is really just American food pretending to be French. There was a PetSmart down the street where I picked up Louie, my turtle.

Louie became my best friend in an instant. Turtles don’t tend to be viewed in the same light as dogs or cats. They aren’t affectionate figures, but that’s what I like. Louie felt like me. He swam around his tank and bit everyone’s finger except mine. I ate when Louie ate. Louie deserved everything, and I believe Louie thinks I deserve everything. He became a tracking device for me to take care of myself adequately.

But first, we had to set up the tank with the basking lights and filtered water. I had no issues doing this, but then again, George was the one who had to carry the tank up the stairs because I was in charge of Louie. When Louie was away swimming, I kissed George for all my thankfulness. 

Admittedly, it was irresponsible to leave Louie alone on his first night in a tank and I would not repeat this behaviour, but for his first night, he was left with plenty of care and the lights on. Louie doesn’t need me to take care of him. He’s always been a self-sufficient creature.

The plan was to have a rocking night. George had a friend who owned a bar in DUMBO and he sectioned off a corner of it for my birthday gathering. It wasn’t very many people because I was over spectacle but I still loved the thought of getting a shit pile of gifts for simply making through another year.

Nonetheless, all my friends were considerate with their gift giving and Opal had a friend who baked these delightful cakes because she has a friend for every occupation. It was a strawberry lemonade cake with a scattering of sliced strawberries on the top. I was spared of numbered candles, instead, there were just five candles on the cake because my birthday is on the 5th. I don’t recall what I wished for, but I hope it came true.

I sat in a corner wooden booth with Opal and Kaka. George and Fennel were talking to his bar owner friend, likely about the architecture of the building, you know, support beams and load-bearing walls, man stuff. The three of us sat with drinks in our hands and laughed at them.

My phone buzzed. It was a text from Alex that read, “Has your back gone yet?”

I wrote back, “No, but I’ve only had two drinks and I already have a headache.”

A minute later, he pinged back, “Just wait until tomorrow and the day after and after that. You’ll feel normal in about a week.”

I nearly wrote back what I perceived to be a witty comment on mixing drugs and alcohol but I was distracted by Mina taking a picture of us and I never wrote Alex back, which is probably for the best. The text wasn’t so funny in the morning.

On the walk back to my apartment, I dragged my feet and laid my head on George’s arm. He was too tall for me to lay it on his shoulder. He was taller than any guy I had ever dated and I was still adjusting to how he towered over me.

I was tired and it was only around midnight. I hadn’t slept well the night before—pre-thirty jitters. I was hoping to get an Uber or taxi back to my apartment since there were no subway lines from the bar to my apartment but George insisted it wasn’t very far and a walk would do me good. He wasn’t wearing heels.

I was tempted to ask him to carry me. He was my strongest boyfriend and I believe he could have sustained the eleven-block walk with me on his back. I didn’t because I was wearing a short dress and worried my underwear would show when he lifted me.

“I’m sorry for hanging all over you,” I said to him.

He squeezed my side. “You’re fine. You’re a lightweight.”

I laughed at the inaccuracy. “Just tired. You should have seen me in college. I drank more than anyone you’ve ever met.”

“You were a party girl?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Well, yeah, sort of. Aren’t I still?”

He shrugged. “I guess. Galas are different than house parties.”

I stood up straight. My hand lowered off his shoulders to his upper back. “Yeah. I was queen of the kegger.”

He looked elated by this, laughing with fervor. “Guess it’s the Brit in you.”

I took my shoes off the moment we entered my apartment. I tossed my body on my bed and felt like maybe my back had gone out on the walk home. “What did you do for your 30th birthday?” I asked George.

He was still by the door, taking off his shoes. “I went to Disney.”

I shot up in bed. “You went to Disney?!”

“Yeah. My girlfriend had family in Florida and my family flew down. We spent a couple of days there.”

“And did what?”

He was bemused. He filled up a glass of water for himself. “Went to Disney.”

“For a couple of days?”

“Yeah. It’s pretty big. We should go. I mean, we could even go to the one in California so you can see all your friends.”

“Why would I want to do that?”

“I mean, you talk about Alex all—”

“No, go to Disney. Why would I do that?”

“‘Cause it’s fun.”

“But it’s overrun with people and cheesy and I’m the most impatient person you know.”

He chuckled disingenuously. “Relax. I didn’t book any trips yet.”

“I’m tired,” I complained. I stood and looked at Louie swimming around his tank. I wondered if he was tired too. I wish I could swim. It was too cold in New York.

I wanted to go to England. I’m not sure where in England. Probably London with Stacey. My father was in Bath. My mother was between places. I know she briefly stayed at Greg’s house in Birmingham. Maybe I’d do a tour of England, everyone was so separated. Harper lived in Leeds. She had a baby in February, her fourth, a girl named Asha, who I had yet to meet. 

I was cold. We went to bed within the hour and I woke up the next morning with a migraine and that was 30.

*

I had little connection with Everything You’ve Come to Expect. I listened to it when it came out and I complimented Alex and Miles on it in a shared text. My favourite song is “Miracle Aligner” but maybe that’s because of Alexandra Savior and my fear of admitting I liked “Sweet Dreams, TN” or a deep relatability to “The Bourne Identity.” Both were too personal to Alex for us to discuss. 

So, later that month, when he called me to tell me Prince died. I said I liked “Miracle Aligner.”

It might be the only song from the album we ever discussed. When the music video came out about a month later, I told him I found it funny and asked why he was so tan, and that was that.

*

Baseball is boring. I don’t know much about any sport, but I know that’s true about baseball because even baseball fans say it’s boring. Not that I know many baseball fans. George liked baseball. He rooted for the Mets, which I thought was weird because I figured New Yorkers rooted for the Yankees but I don’t know much about baseball and I probably don’t know much about New York—the state.

We went to Citi Field for their first home game of the 2016 season. George, three of his friends, one of his friends’ girlfriend, and me. The friend’s girlfriend, Rachel, was 22 and finishing her last year at NYU. This friend was 12 years her senior and I found this to be quite Leonardo DiCaprio predatory, but she was nice and didn’t know anything about baseball either.

I sat between her and George, who attempted to teach me baseball, but I don’t like men explaining sports to you because it never makes sense and they always seem to have a way of explaining it in a misogynistic way. Besides, I’ve seen A League of Their Own.

George spilled his beer on me when a double hitter occurred. The sun was out but the day was cold and it left a chilly splash on the front of my shirt. I left to clean myself up and grab a hot dog. It was awful. I texted Alex, “Hot dogs at Mets game suck. Isn’t that baseball games’ thing?”

I went back to my seat and talked to Rachel for the rest of the game. I didn’t see any of George’s friends again but Rachel and I are still friends. To quote an immature man, “She keeps me young.”

*

When The Last Shadow Puppets came through New York, George and I went to the concert. After the show, we chatted with the Puppets and company, but we didn’t hang around for long. They were playing Coachella that weekend, so I don’t believe they hung around in the city for an endless bout of time. In the time they did, they spent with one another. The city had been where Taylor and Alex both once lived, so they went to all of their old spots. Either way, I got the feeling George didn’t want to hang around with them for hours and hours, so we said our goodbyes. The show was mighty lovely though.

*

Rome is beautiful in June. When I was 14, my family spent a month in Italy and San Marino, the latter for its casino. Our first week was spent in Rome, where I dreamed of falling in love with an Italian boy and moving to Italy. I didn’t find any Italian boys and a move to Italy doesn’t seem likely, but I did fall in love with Rome.

Villa Borghese is where I first felt struck and connected to nature. I sat on a fountain and wished I was able to draw something beautiful enough to capture the sight of the floral and fauna. I didn’t own a camera and my drawing skills were as bad then as they are now, but the sight has been committed to memory.

George and I revisited it on our first day in Rome. I took pictures this time and while it was still as beautiful as I remembered, I don’t believe the photos captured what my mind has. It was something only the divinity of the seeing eye can behold.

We did all the other touristy things too. George had never been to Rome because his family spent holidays going to places like Disney World. I guess I’m not one to talk. My family spent holidays going to booze-filled casinos but we did fit in a historical sight every once and a while. Plus, I got a nice tan. George said he always got sunburnt at Disney.

We were in Rome for a wedding. It was Matt and Breana’s, and while destination weddings are a lot of work to attend, they are the most beautiful to witness. I’m quite jealous of theirs because the venue was a near-beauty to that of Villa Borghese. But Matt and Breana did always have a keen eye in their photography, so wedding planning, especially with a nice amount of funds, isn’t hard to imagine.

I wore a nice pink dress and it was one of the few times I have been immensely thankful to be a woman because I didn’t have to sweat in a suit. George complained of the heat the whole wedding ceremony. I reminded him I told him to dress light and to shave before we travelled, but he did neither, which is fine by me because I was proven right in the end, as always.

I met their baby, Amelia, for the first time. She had this cute little dress on and these booties and I wish I could wear her outfit and get fussy in the middle of the ceremony too, but alas, that’s inappropriate for a 30-year-old. I thought age was just a number.

The reception was a nice big hall where my heels clicked on the tiled floor. Each table had flower arrangements as centerpieces that I would’ve stolen from if I knew the flowers wouldn’t die on the way home. The food was divine and others at our table were nice but kept to themselves, leaving me to mainly talk with George through dinner.

After dinner, I went to have a smoke and George accompanied me out into the gardens. I felt sorry for polluting the smell of the air but craving, digestion, and all the rest. He stood with his hands in his pockets as I flicked away. “It’s a lovely wedding,” he said.

I smiled. “Without a doubt. Thanks for coming with me.”

He threw his hands up like it was no big deal. “Who could pass up a trip to Rome?” He bought his own plane ticket, something I felt tried to insist against, but he said we’d make a vacation out of it. He’d never met Matt or Breana, but I had told him stories of my college days with Matt and how sweet, gorgeous, and funny Breana was. 

A smattering of people occupied the pavilion, and the sun was still out, though setting, when Alex and Taylor popped out with fancy glasses in one hand and holding each other’s hand with their other hand. They chatted with a few others before approaching us. Alex knew far more people here than I did and the way he moved through the crowd would give off the impression that he was the host. That he was the groom with his bride.

He stopped in his tracks and tilted his head back when he saw us as if we were in a Western and I was the villain and he was Clint Eastwood. He cocked a smile slowly, almost deviously. “What are you doing here? Popping out for a smoke?”

I laughed, though I didn’t know what I found funny. It was a vague impersonation of some television character I had no idea about; I knew that much. Alex has a tendency to pick the obscure. I felt he was referencing an inside joke I had been shut out of. Maybe because Taylor laughed vocally.

“Digestion,” I replied. George breathed a laugh. Alex and Taylor hugged us both. 

Taylor and I shared a look when George and Alex “bro hugged.” It was the epitome of girls sharing a secret language. We were passing a note to one another that women had done for centuries. Men are childish fools, and we girls, though on different sides of the exchange, are forever bonded by standing in the same position. I think Taylor and I would’ve been good friends had I met her before she met Alex. Or maybe it was our fate to stand on different sides of the exchange, sending secret messages with our eyes. A different language than the male one of bro hugs and dabbing each other up.

“You both look great,” George said. “Taylor, your…” he gestured to the top of his head. Taylor had cut her hair short. It was a little pixie cut, like I imagine a fairy’s hair might be. A Tinker Bell for the modern age. 

George had a typical male response, as if maybe her hair isn’t something he, as a man, should address. He sounded like my father after Harper had gotten a nose ring (her one act of rebellion). He asked her if she had something stuck in her nose, a joke she never laughed at no matter how many times it was told.

I stepped in, the woman explaining her man’s faux paus. “I like it a lot. I’ve always wanted to shave my head.”

“You should totally do it,” Taylor encouraged. “It’s quite freeing and so much more manageable.” 

“I didn’t know you wanted to shave your head,” George said. He had only known me with long hair, the kind that fell delicately on my chest in loose curls.

Alex knew. “Yeah, she wanted to be like Sinéad O’Connor.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know if I’ll ever do it. I think I’d miss my long hair too much. Maybe I’ll dye it blue or something. It’s pretty dull.”

“Ugh, are you kidding?” Taylor gushed, “I’d kill for your hair.” I didn’t find it to be all that special compared to hers. I’m a brunette with eyes that have been trained to admire bright blonde hair, Taylor’s natural gift. I’ll be envious of blondes until the day I die, but I’d look ugly with blonde hair. I’m sure of this due to my mother’s phase of blonde hair when I was 12. She looked like Kate Gosselin. 

An awkward silence fell over the group. I puffed away at my cigarette and waited for someone else to speak. I felt eyes on me but stared at the ground at the way my pink heels looked on the cobblestone ground. I decided to blurt out, “I still haven’t finished War & Peace.”

 I was greeted with stares. Taylor, obviously, had no idea, George had no idea why I brought it up, and, slowly, Alex cracked a smile before he laughed. “Have you even finished the first page?” He quipped. 

I bolded my eyes at him. “Yes. I didn’t bring it on the plane ‘cause I feared it would set me over the weight limit.”

His face was warm. I imagine somewhere back in his lineage, you would find the Sun. He was one-half star and it came out best in the first few days of summer when the sky shined in just the right way upon his face. “Are you guys heading back to New York after this?”

“No,” I sighed. “We’re paying a visit to my family in Bath. Stacey is coming in for the weekend and my parents have agreed to tolerate one another for one meal together. Oh,” I realized, “they’re getting divorced. I forgot to tell you.”

His face was split because the news was shocking…but was it really that shocking? It was the inevitable that neither of my parents had the guts to say it out loud. “Wow,” he voiced. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Kind of wish they did it earlier. Better late than never, I suppose.” We hadn’t included George and Taylor in the conversation for several minutes now. I turned to Taylor. “Back on the road after this?”

“We were in Florence before this,” she said. “I miss it already and then there’s Glastonbury in about a week.”

I nodded and I was pretty sure George wasn’t listening by this point. “Glastonbury is fun.” I almost brought up memories of when I was there in 2007, but it was too personal and too long ago to utter. I finished my cigarette and it was enough conversing for the rest of the night.

*

“You guys heading out?” Alex asked. He was alone and so was I. The hallway was mostly empty with the exception of a few people at the other end. He was headed to the bathroom and I was leaving it. There were many jokes I could’ve made about being in this position again but all were flirtations. Things that would get us naked.

“I think so. We’re both pretty tired and our flight is tomorrow.”

He nodded. His eyes were fixed on the floor. He felt so far away. A rift set in the middle. He took a step toward me and looked up. “Well, good luck with your parents. Tell Stacey a hello from me.”

I agreed to but never did. I think Stacey would have made fun of me relentlessly for any mention of Alex. She was a grown-up but will forever be an immature little sister. “Good luck on tour.”

“Thanks,” he muttered. We moved closer and hugged in jolted, jagged-end movements.

I had walked several paces before he called out, “Janie.” I turned and he stood right outside the men’s bathroom—a hesitation in leaving. “Take it for a ride. For me.”

*

It’s a miracle the beetle wasn’t broken down dead. I think my mother drove it to the grocery store sometimes but it mostly sat idle in the garage. My father barely knew of the presence of the car, and if he did, I’m sure he would have gotten rid of it. He didn’t care for things taking up space.

The inside of the car was barely changed from the 2000s. CDs were still filed in the center console, all of them belonging to my teenage tastes. While I drove around Bath, George looked through the collection. “Why don’t you just toss these? You could probably get a few dollars for them.”

“I like having CDs.”

“But these have been collecting dust in here. Who are Sugababes?” 

I chuckled but didn’t tell him all the memories that would explain why. “It’s the same as you having all those picture books in your childhood bedroom.”

“But I’m gonna give those to my kids.”

“Well, I’ll give these to my kids.”

He put the CDs back and closed the console, leaning back in his seat. “CDs are obsolete now.”

“People said it about vinyl and now it’s back and when CDs come back, I could probably be a millionaire.”

He chuckled. “I don’t think you’ll be a millionaire with your cracked Britney Spears CD.”

“You never know. I bought it on the day it was released. It could be a special edition.”

He shook his head, guying me. He began to search the glove compartment, filled with old napkins and the old car manual. “What’s this?” 

It was a paper that looked like it had been folded up a hundred times. It was wrinkled and looked like it was a blow of the wind away from being torn in half. The ink on it had endured water damage. The entirety of the paper was covered with pen markings, making it impossible to discern what it was without taking the paper close to your eye.

I pulled over to have a look at it. I laughed at the first notes I spotted.

J                   A 275             195

“It’s gin rummy scores,” I told him, though there was much more to it. “Alex and I used to play all the time. This must be from the winter of 2005 or something. An ancient artifact.”

The paper was covered in words that I had never seen before. They were explicit and things I couldn’t utter aloud to George. I found two that were suitable for the situation and read them to him. “‘Sometimes, though, angels smoke-in their sleeves. But when the archangel goes by, they throw their cigarettes away: This is what falling stars are.’” I was beyond impressed with the words and taken aback by the carelessness. “I wonder why he threw it away in here. I might steal it. Doubt he remembers it.”

“Don’t,” George said.

I looked up at him with a giggle. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to actually plagiarize him. Not that he’d care.”

He chuckled at me. “I’m sure he wouldn’t care. He didn’t write it. It’s Nabokov.”

My mouth formed the letter ‘o’. “That makes more sense.”

George, as a member of the literati, nodded. “Letters to Véra. Good taste.”

I looked back at the smudged-up page, recalling back to the books of years past. I folded up the page to act uncaring and stuffed it back in the glove compartment. “I’ll have to see if he wants it. I guarantee he doesn’t remember it, but maybe it has some secret code on it.”

We continued our drive. I showed him the sights I knew and we walked around a little. It was nice weather and we sat outside for lunch. We returned home a bit before dinner with my family, which was shockingly boring.

Later that night, when we were ready for bed, I claimed to have forgotten something in the car. I sat in the passenger seat and took the page out.

On one corner of the page, in tiny writing, he penned “Jane” like that was all he needed to state.

I was taken back to the icy feeling of January in Sheffield, parked beside Charlton Brook and thinking that was the whole world. The words on the paper imprinted onto the walls of my heart, etched themselves in the marrow of my bones, and tasted sweet in my mouth as I chewed away at them. “It's cold today, but in a spring way, and I love you.”

“I am a very boring and unpleasant man, drowned in literature... But I love you.”

I wondered if he still had the book and if these parts were underlined, accompanied by words and thoughts that associated him with me. If there was a possibility every time he saw this book he thought of the winter he spent reading it beside me. If he saw Nabokov on the spines on his bookshelf and thought Janie. It was toe-curling madness, but I read on.

“The thought that you exist is so divinely blissful in itself that it is ridiculous to talk about the everyday sadness of separation—a week's, ten days'—what does it matter? Since my whole life belongs to you.” 

“I love you, my sun, my life, I love your eyes-closed—all the little tails of your thoughts, your stretchy vowels, your whole soul from head to heels.” 

“Without you I wouldn’t have moved this way, to speak the language of flowers.” 

“Kisses, my love, deep ones, to the point of fainting.” 

And the one that struck me the most that had me lying awake that night: “I will love you tonight, and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and still many more, so very many more tomorrows.” 

Awfully, befitting for this book and for me.

Then came a line that I knew was his creation (or stolen from an old joke book with a title like Witty Remarks for Intellectual Conversations): “Why did Shakespeare only write in pen? Pencils confused him: 2B or not 2B?”

I felt like crying, but instead, I was overcome by laughter and the overwhelming memory of that distant time. I still felt it, still sore in my muscles. I felt him all around. The memories felt so close to me that I couldn’t quite believe how long ago they had occurred. They felt as recent and vivid as yesterday’s venture.

On the other side of the page, there was more writing with lines scratched out so harshly it almost ripped a hole through the page. It was nearly all unreadable, besides a handful of words that were written out, “My mouth hasn’t shut up about you since you kissed it. The idea that you may kiss it again is stuck in my brain, which hasn’t stopped thinking about you since well before any kiss.” The rest was more nonsense for me to pine over. Silently.

*

I only seem to like the beginnings of things. The thought of that has terrified me to an unbelievable degree for most of my life. The start of the school year would seem so sweet, but then around October, I felt like dropping out. Every idea felt like a form of genius at the first line, but by the second page, I was a failure, a fraud, and a phony.

I cherished the getting-to-know-you stage. I like mastering each nook and cranny of a person and then I discovered the petrifying knowledge that they were getting to know me too. When I was younger, this made me change into a mysterious being, or at least try to. 

Most people didn’t care to pull back the layers anymore. The rare person came along, and when they saw the center of me, it felt impossible to let them go because then I would have to expose myself to someone else to fill the void they left, the center they scooped out like a ball of cantaloupe. 

I believe you invent people in your head. Everything is perspective and I will never be viewed under the same light that I view myself. For some occasions, I am thankful for this, but I know I don’t get to control the narrative, no matter how much I write and spew my own view of things out into the world.

One night, on an early September night, I was struggling to write. I had to contribute a piece to Womb. I had neglected it for most of the summer and needed to have a piece of work in the September issuing. Opal comes from the fashion world, where Vogue’s September Issue is the Bible you swear upon.

It was still hot in the city. I cracked open a window and allowed the midnight breeze to try and penetrate the sweat. The cursor blinked at me and I felt like my brain was being cooked. When I had previously had these rots, I called Opal, but she had already heard from me that night, and we were in the middle of a spat where she was right and I was wrong, so I didn’t want to get another whiplashing from her or to ruin her night anymore.

George was at a friend’s bachelor party at a billiards club, which I thought was old-fashioned guy stuff. I thought about writing about that, but it was a stupid idea. I barely know anything about pool.

I won’t delay further like I was trying to delay the inevitable that evening. I called Alex.

The tour had finished about a week before and I hadn’t seen him since the wedding. I wouldn’t say I was avoiding him (though I did notably choose to go out of town the weekend they played Terminal 5), but I didn’t confront the matter either. We texted him about the Olympics and I called him when Gene Wilder died and we quoted Young Frankenstein insistently to one another.

That evening, he didn’t pick up when I initially called him. I considered the night awash for writing and decided to go to bed, but then he called me back before I could brush my teeth. “Who died?” He greeted me.

I slumped back in my desk chair. “No one. Do I have to kill someone to talk to you?” 

“No, it just worries me like Pavlov’s dog or something. You’re the bell that beckons death.”

I snorted. “Well, don’t go on associating me with the Grim Reaper.”

He could hear his smile in the quiet hum of his voice. “What’s up?”

All roads lead back to Rome and I’m stuck on the wishful thinking path. It’s filled with the autopsies of conversations from years ago. It took me too long to muster a reply and when I did I sheepishly said it like I had been caught doing something I shouldn’t, which probably was true. “I can’t think of anything to write and I’m a step away from throwing myself out the window.”

“Don’t do that,” he chuckled. “You’ll probably only break your legs.”

“I think my brain is fried and I wouldn’t care so much, except I’m letting Opal down by not writing anything. It wouldn’t be the first time but I’m trying not to be such an arsehole friend anymore.”

He sighed and whatever weight he was taking off by doing it was shoved onto me. I felt burdensome and the phone felt too heavy in my hand. “I wouldn’t be much help,” he said. “I’ve got nothing to write about either.”

I groaned. “Lame.”

“Call it empathic.”

I scoffed. “Men aren’t supposed to know about that.”

“You’re very difficult; you know that,” he joked. “You could always read War & Peace. Find some inspiration there.” 

I looked at the tome gathering dust on the floor beside my bed. “The only thing it’ll provide me is strained muscles.” My eyes trailed up to my bedside table and I thought on the other book hidden away, the one I hadn’t told anyone about. “I’m reading Letters to Véra now. You read that years ago, right?”

“Yeah. It’s good.”

“When we were in Bath, George found a sheet you wrote all these quotes from the book on. It’s been sitting in the glove compartment for a decade.” The confession felt like sacrilege. I had brought another man into holy ground.

It’s hard to predict Alex’s responses to these discoveries. I was timid and resisted revealing it to him for months. I figured he’d escape the notion of it too, instead, he breathed out, “Jesus. I forgot about that. There’s probably all kinds of shite like that tucked away somewhere. Whoever lives in your old bedroom now is finding scraps all over the place.” The knowledge that there was other scripture like this just lying around somewhere made me even hotter. Like he had just scattered his love around like Hansel and Gretel through the years, waiting for me to find my way back.

“Well, I have this one, if you want it,” I offered.

“You keep it,” he told me. I wanted to see his face. It was hard for me to read the situation. “It was supposed to be for you anyway.”

It made my head spin. I was almost certain I had to have taken some drug before this conversation. I felt dizzy and faint. “It had gin rummy scores on it too.”

His laugh sliced through the silence. “I’m sure you kicked my ass.”

I wish he could see my smug smile. “Up by nearly 100.”

“You should write about that,” he suggested.

“Gin rummy?”

“All those little things. I find that writing about Sheffield can be a good palate cleanser. Returning to the days of youth.” He hesitated, still trying to work out the thoughts that ping-ponged in his mind. “I don’t know what I’m saying.”

“I know what you mean,” I reassured him. “I know.”

*

I wrote a piece and stuffed it away in a drawer. It was about college, Alex, and smoking. It’s the first section of this book.

*

The following morning, after sleeping on my sullied writing, I decided to reach back further in the days of Wakefield. It was about a trip to the shopping centre I took with my mother when I was 11. We were looking for a dress for my year 6 leavers ceremony and she made me try on all these different dresses until I found one I fell in love with, but she didn’t like it so she ended up picking this scratchy old dress. It might be small, but I still think about that dress. I thought about it long enough that I couldn’t stop writing, and thus, I began my next book.

*

Christmas was coming. The first snow fell halfway through December, but it didn’t stick, just leaving an ice fog. George had spent the night at my place. We stayed huddled in bed and decided it was best for him to stay simply because it was too cold.

He cooked bacon while I showered. I had a towel wrapped in my hair when he handed me my coffee and a plate of cooked pig belly with some berries on the side. We ate at my tiny kitchen table and talked about the weather. Then he said, “It would probably just be easier to live together at this point.”

“Yeah,” I thoughtlessly said while chewing away.

“And my place has more room and is right above the store. It’s in Manhattan too, which seems more your scene than Brooklyn.”

“Yeah. I think so.” It was going over my head. The bacon was really good.

“We could do it in the New Year.”

I squinted. “Do what?” He stared at me. “Move in together?”

“Yeah.” He smiled.

“Oh.” I hate myself. “But I like my place.”

“It’s nice, but you’re always complaining how you wish you had more space and—”

“How would I have more space living with you?”

“I at least have a wall between my bed and kitchen.”

“But I would be sharing all that with you now.” It was a pointed comment. It was obvious my concern wasn’t over having a new roommate but who that roommate would be.

He began looking crossed. “What’s wrong with sharing?”

“I like having my own space,” I reasoned with a half-truth.

“Well, we could make space for you at my place.”

“Your place.”

“Our place,” he corrected.

“What’s wrong with my place?”

He laughed at me. “Nothing’s wrong with your place. But, come on, let’s pull the trigger.”

I rolled my eyes like a bitch. “How affectionate.”

“Jane.” He was scolding me.

“Let me think about it.”

He nodded, and we went back to eating, but this time in silence. He finished his coffee and decided for us. “You’re not gonna move in with me, are you?”

“I don’t know.”

He sighed. “Don’t kid me, Jane. At least give me that.”

“I just like having something of my own.”

“Okay.” He looked around. I feared he was X-raying the apartment and seeing all the things I was hiding. Then he stared at me so strongly I thought he’d burn a hole through me. “We’re never gonna go to the next step with me.”

“I’ll allowed to think about it.”

“No, I mean like we’re not going to live together or get married. All those dreams you told me about with the garden and your husband cooking you dinner, that’s not me, is it?”

I didn’t know what to say. “It could be.”

He shook his head. “It’s not.” He was soft and he broke my heart because I knew I was breaking his. “It’s okay.”

We finished breakfast and we talked about our individual plans for Christmas. When our plates were empty, he stood up and kissed my cheek. “I hope you come do an event for your new book.”

I nodded, and then he left. I cleared the table and did the dishes.

*

a/n: i'll try and figure out how to include pickles in the next part. it might be a bit before the next part because a) it'll be longer, b) i want to try and write something else in the time being to clear out my long list of in progress works, and c) there's not that many years left of this and we must cherish every second. thanks :)

[wandanatsthings]

𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭

Hii, so I’m writing this fic because I see ALOT of Wandanat x Reader where Reader is Basically just skinny white girls and while there’s nothing wrong with that I would love to see something more diverse so this is that enjoy :)

(P.s im dyslexic I’m trying my best)

Word count 1.1k

Warnings: If you consider fluff a warning then ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ lol I don’t think there are any, but lemme know if you see anything please!

Summary: Wanda and Natasha help you take out your braids

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

y/n pov It was a Saturday morning and your girlfriends were at work, you were home alone so you decided that it would be a great time to take your braids out. You had them for three months now and your new growth was insane. You had been dreading taking them out because you didn't want your girlfriends to see you like that you thought they would judge you. So now really was the only time to do it so you could have it washed and in a new style hopefully before they got home. You checked the clock on your phone to see how much time you had. You were grateful to know that It was only 9:30 meaning you had plenty of time before they came back tonight at 8. With that, you got up and went into the bathroom to grab everything you needed to bring out into the living room so you could watch TV while you did the tedious task.

It was only about 4:30 and you barely had half of your braids down. Your arms were tired and your back began to hurt. This would be a lot easier if I had help. As soon as that thought crossed your mind. You heard the front door open and close. That couldn't be them. Their home way too early you thought...

Nats pov

Wands and I had left the house around 9:00 this morning leaving y/n home by herself. When we got to work we checked our to-do list to see what it was we had to get done today. Turns out we both only had mission reports due, So we both decided we'd work here at the Avengers Tower for a while and then come home early to surprise y/n.

Wanda's pov

After leaving the Avengers Tower, we went back home to surprise you. As we walked through the house, we could hear your favorite TV show playing and you calling out our names. When we turned the corner into the living room, we saw you surrounded by all kinds of hair products and tools.

y/n pov

As I heard the door shut I called out to see if it was them. “Wands?” “Nat?” After a few short moments, you see them round the corner with smiles on their faces. “Hi…guys, what are you doing home so early?” you ask them feeling a little self-conscious because they were seeing you exactly how you didn’t want them to. “We decided to come home early and finish our mission reports here to spend some time with you,” says Wanda. You look up at them with a smile on your face “Aw guys that's so sweet thank you” You tell them. “Of course detka, Um what's going on here?’’ asked Natasha. You then look around to see all of the combs, conditioner, and grocery bags that surround you. You look up at them and say apprehensively “I'm taking my braids out…” What you hear next surprises you. “Oh well, can we help?” Wanda asked. You looked up at them in shock.

You loved the thought of them wanting to help you. Now neither one of them knew much about your hair curly kinky type but they were always open to learning more about it and asked you questions. “You want to help?’ you ask them with surprise in your voice. “ Yes, why wouldn’t we?” Ask Natasha “Well I mean it is a lot of work and I can't look the prettiest right now.” you say looking down. “I can’t lie you do look a little silly like this but still you are the prettiest anyway you look. I think you look quite adorable like this.” Says Natasha. What she says brings a smile to your face. “Um okay if you guys are sure I would love your help, My arms are tired.” With that, they chuckle a little and sit behind you on the couch. “Okay love you're gonna have to tell us what to do though,” says Wanda “Yes of course” you reply. You had already had the braids cut so they wouldn’t have to worry about that. “So first you're going to pick up a braid, and you can choose to use a rat-tail comb or your fingers. With a rat-tail comb, you will take the end of the comb gently and slowly start to comb the end of the braid to unravel it.”

You demonstrated by using the braid you were working on before they came in. “And if you were to use your fingers, you would do it the same way you would unravel a regular braid, but remember it is still slow and gentle okay?” You look back at them and see them smiling while nodding. “Okay if some of them are a little hard to do just add a little conditioner and it will come out easier.” “okay we got it,” says Wanda. As they start to take the braids down you feel Wanda using her fingers and Natasha using the rattail. Both of them are extremely gentle, Not once pulling too hard. As they complete a few braids you all start to get into a rhythm.

It starts makes you wonder what you were so self-conscious about in the first place. After a while of comfortable silence, Wanda begins to speak. “Thank you for letting us help you with this,” she says “Why are you thanking me, I should be the one thanking you guys. Thank you btw” you reply. “I'm saying thank you for letting us help because this is very vulnerable and we appreciate you letting us get this close to you. For letting us see this beautiful part of you.” “ I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Natasha says. You feel yourself start to get emotional.

You always wanted to be with someone who loved all of you and never made you feel ashamed of yourself and now not only do you have one person who makes you feel that way you have two. “I guess I never really thought about it that way. I'm really glad that I get to share this part of myself with you guys too,” you say. When you turn around to look at them, they're both already looking at you with so much love and adoration in their eyes. You lean up to kiss them “I love you both so much,” you say “We love you more” they both reply. With that, you all continue taking the braids out and time goes by so much faster than it did when it was by yourself. Maybe that was because you had 2 sets of extra hands or because you had your beautiful girlfriends helping you and keeping you company. Either way, before you knew it you were all done. “thank you for helping me again.” you say. “Anytime” Natasha replies. “Okay, now who wants to help me wash it?” “ME!” you hear out of both of your red-headed mouths. You made a mental note to never try and take out your braids yourself again. Why would you when you have 2 very eager girlfriends to help?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feedback welcomed!!

[wands-natsthing]

Helping you take your braids out

This story was on my old acct @wandanatsthings I made a new one (aka this one) which will be the acct I use from now on.

Hii, so I’m writing this fic because I see ALOT of Wandanat x Reader where Reader is Basically just skinny white girls and while there’s nothing wrong with that I would love to see something more diverse so this is that enjoy :)

(P.s im dyslexic I’m trying my best)

Word count 1.1k

Warnings: If you consider fluff a warning then ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ lol I don’t think there are any, but lemme know if you see anything please!

Summary: Wanda and Natasha help you take out your braids

y/n pov It was a Saturday morning and your girlfriends were at work, you were home alone so you decided that it would be a great time to take your braids out. You had them for three months now and your new growth was insane. You had been dreading taking them out because you didn't want your girlfriends to see you like that you thought they would judge you. So now really was the only time to do it so you could have it washed and in a new style hopefully before they got home. You checked the clock on your phone to see how much time you had. You were grateful to know that It was only 9:30 meaning you had plenty of time before they came back tonight at 8. With that, you got up and went into the bathroom to grab everything you needed to bring out into the living room so you could watch TV while you did the tedious task.

It was only about 4:30 and you barely had half of your braids down. Your arms were tired and your back began to hurt. This would be a lot easier if I had help. As soon as that thought crossed your mind. You heard the front door open and close. That couldn't be them. Their home way too early you thought...

Nats pov

Wands and I had left the house around 9:00 this morning leaving y/n home by herself. When we got to work we checked our to-do list to see what it was we had to get done today. Turns out we both only had mission reports due, So we both decided we'd work here at the Avengers Tower for a while and then come home early to surprise y/n.

Wanda's pov

After leaving the Avengers Tower, we went back home to surprise you. As we walked through the house, we could hear your favorite TV show playing and you calling out our names. When we turned the corner into the living room, we saw you surrounded by all kinds of hair products and tools.

y/n pov

As I heard the door shut I called out to see if it was them. “Wands?” “Nat?” After a few short moments, you see them round the corner with smiles on their faces. “Hi…guys, what are you doing home so early?” you ask them feeling a little self-conscious because they were seeing you exactly how you didn’t want them to. “We decided to come home early and finish our mission reports here to spend some time with you,” says Wanda. You look up at them with a smile on your face “Aw guys that's so sweet thank you” You tell them. “Of course detka, Um what's going on here?’’ asked Natasha. You then look around to see all of the combs, conditioner, and grocery bags that surround you. You look up at them and say apprehensively “I'm taking my braids out…” What you hear next surprises you. “Oh well, can we help?” Wanda asked. You looked up at them in shock.

You loved the thought of them wanting to help you. Now neither one of them knew much about your hair curly kinky type but they were always open to learning more about it and asked you questions. “You want to help?’ you ask them with surprise in your voice. “ Yes, why wouldn’t we?” Ask Natasha “Well I mean it is a lot of work and I can't look the prettiest right now.” you say looking down. “I can’t lie you do look a little silly like this but still you are the prettiest anyway you look. I think you look quite adorable like this.” Says Natasha. What she says brings a smile to your face. “Um okay if you guys are sure I would love your help, My arms are tired.” With that, they chuckle a little and sit behind you on the couch. “Okay love you're gonna have to tell us what to do though,” says Wanda “Yes of course” you reply. You had already had the braids cut so they wouldn’t have to worry about that. “So first you're going to pick up a braid, and you can choose to use a rat-tail comb or your fingers. With a rat-tail comb, you will take the end of the comb gently and slowly start to comb the end of the braid to unravel it.”

You demonstrated by using the braid you were working on before they came in. “And if you were to use your fingers, you would do it the same way you would unravel a regular braid, but remember it is still slow and gentle okay?” You look back at them and see them smiling while nodding. “Okay if some of them are a little hard to do just add a little conditioner and it will come out easier.” “okay we got it,” says Wanda. As they start to take the braids down you feel Wanda using her fingers and Natasha using the rattail. Both of them are extremely gentle, Not once pulling too hard. As they complete a few braids you all start to get into a rhythm.

It starts makes you wonder what you were so self-conscious about in the first place. After a while of comfortable silence, Wanda begins to speak. “Thank you for letting us help you with this,” she says “Why are you thanking me, I should be the one thanking you guys. Thank you btw” you reply. “I'm saying thank you for letting us help because this is very vulnerable and we appreciate you letting us get this close to you. For letting us see this beautiful part of you.” “ I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Natasha says. You feel yourself start to get emotional.

You always wanted to be with someone who loved all of you and never made you feel ashamed of yourself and now not only do you have one person who makes you feel that way you have two. “I guess I never really thought about it that way. I'm really glad that I get to share this part of myself with you guys too,” you say. When you turn around to look at them, they're both already looking at you with so much love and adoration in their eyes. You lean up to kiss them “I love you both so much,” you say “We love you more” they both reply. With that, you all continue taking the braids out and time goes by so much faster than it did when it was by yourself. Maybe that was because you had 2 sets of extra hands or because you had your beautiful girlfriends helping you and keeping you company. Either way, before you knew it you were all done. “thank you for helping me again.” you say. “Anytime” Natasha replies. “Okay, now who wants to help me wash it?” “ME!” you hear out of both of your red-headed mouths. You made a mental note to never try and take out your braids yourself again. Why would you when you have 2 very eager girlfriends to help?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feedback welcomed!!

[letstripdotcom]

shut up my moms calling- chris sturniolo x fem!reader pt2

a/n: i wasn’t gonna do a part 2 but i got a few requests for it so enjoy (or else🥰🔪) very short and not proofread

summary- coming home from college means seeing the kid you’ve hated most your whole life. chris sturniolo. you’ve hated everything about his existence since the beginning of 6th grade when you transferred to somerville. the summer after your freshman year of college is when everything starts to change.

warnings: same old same old smut 🙂

-

the next morning the sun beamed down on your face waking you up. shit. the last thing you wanted to happen was nick or matt seeing chris cuddled up shirtless next to you. luckily, you were always up before the three of them, so you had time to sneak chris back to his room.

“chris. chris!” you whisper shouted turing to wake him up. he let go and rolled off you you. “huh” he muttered half awake. “you gotta go before matt and nick wake up.” you told him. he gave you one last hug and a sloppy kiss on your neck before walking across the hall to his room.

you lied down on your bed and sighed. what would you tell nick and matt? would you tell nick and matt? what does this mean to chris? does he still hate me? my mind was flooded with thoughts. suddenly my phone buzzed breaking me out of my thoughts.

chris

u hungry?

me

yeah kinda

chris

come down in about 30 minutes:)

me

okay. i’ll shower then i’ll be down.

read: 9:23am

you tossed your phone on the bed beside you. what. the. fuck. you picked out your clothes for the day and you took a shower. you savored every last bit of the 30 minutes of peace you had because who knows how today will go.

after your shower, you head downstairs. you can small whatever chris is cooking. “i made pancakes, your favorite.” you smiled at him thankfully and took the plate from him. the silence was loud once you begun eating. “so” you spoke up. “what are we gonna tell your brothers?”

“i think telling them we talked it out would be fine. we tell them we had a deep conversation last night and we put the past behind us and were ready to be friends now. but we don’t tell them” he paused “we don’t tell them we had sex” i finished his sentence quietly. “exactly” he smiled

i finished my pancakes and went over to the living room couch. chris did the dishes and followed behind me. “you know y/n, i’ve known you since 6th grade isn’t that crazy” “yeah?” i say in a confused tone trying to figure out where he’s going with this. “i’ve known you since 6th grade and we’re adults now” he continues “and i haven’t once told you how i’ve truest felt. i’ve told you how much i hate you many times, but have i ever told you how awful every one of our arguments made me feel?”

i look at him with furrowed eyebrows as i try to think of a response. “really?” was all i could think to say. “every time we would argue like we did the night of that party, i would feel like such a dick. especially when i would catch a glimpse of you and i could tell you were crying.” he says. “then why did you do it?” i ask him.

“i’m not good at expressing emotions, and i ruined it all for myself. if i had ye chance, i would go back to 6th grade and make it all right.” he stared at you “wow” was all you could say before you found yourself kissing chris. your eyes fluttered shut as you moved your lips along his.

his tongue soon makes its way into your mouth exploring every part. you put your hands in his hair and tug slightly which makes him groan. he grabs your waist and sets you on his lap. you kiss very deeply, exploring every part of eachother.

“so i’m guessing y’all made up?” a voice spoke from behind us. jumped off of chris’s lap looking at nick. “surprise!” i awkwardly smiled at him. “thank god” he sighed. “so ur not mad?” i asked “god no. i’d rather you guys practically eat each others faces than hear yall argue for the next week. just not in front of me please.” me chris and nick all laughed

-

later that night went out to dinner, and chris was teasing me the whole time. no matter where we were he was always touching me somehow. he would run my thighs or hug my waist or whisper something in my ear. i know he was trying to get my worked up and it was working. if i could i would have let him fuck me on the dinner table right in the middle of the restaurant.

the so we got back to the house, i practically dragged him up to my room and slammed the door. “you’re such a tease” is all i said before kissing him hungrily. he grabbed my waist and guided me to the bed, laying me on my back. instead of crawling on top of me like i expected, he lowered himself between my legs.

he lifted up my dress, running his cold hands up my body as he exposed my underwear. he then started to leave wet sloppy kisses up my thighs. “chris please” i beg as he gets closer to where i need him most.

he then tauntingly pulls down my panties and sets them to the side. i moan just at how close he is me me. he then licks a stripe up my folds completely flattening his tongue. my hands immediately fly to his hair. “oh my god chris” i whine.

my legs tighten around his head as he eats me like a starved animal. chris was becoming so turned on by my moans and praises that he had to remove a hand from my waist to try to get himself off. he stroked hard and fast as he continued eating me. he moaned into me, sending tingles all through my body causing my back to arch off the bed.

“chris i’m about to cum i’m about to come” i whined. chris groaned, this mouth still not separating from my pussy. “chris please keep doing that” i begged. he groaned again. “oh fuck” i screamed as i came. chris cleaned up every last one of my juices before he lifted his head from between my shaking legs

chris stood up to get a towel, and grab me a change of clothes when i noticed the wet patch on his crotch. “chris if you needed help all you had to do was ask” i told him. “it’s fine, i just couldn’t help it you sounded so beautiful.” he smiled. i can tell he was clearly still hard. “how bout you lay down while i help you” i smirked crawling over him.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

a/n- this is the ending you get bc i’m dying from a migraine right now🥰

[hypnofur1]

Porno in Plano

By Hypnofur

“I told him where we live” she said to me quietly as she kneeled there in our rented living room floor. Her eyes were wide and quiet. I didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Fucking Democrats” was all I could say.

Ok, I should back up. It was 5:18 on a Thursday in the second week of January…. Actually, I guess I should back up more than that. Abby and I are from New Jersey. Middletown and Long Branch to be specific. We are in our early 30’s, and we are very career focused. Like many young people in our area, despite our budding careers, we knew we had no chance of purchasing a house in the area we grew up in. My company, like so many others in NY/NJ had moved to Texas to get out from under some really crushing tax and regulation weight. Young executives like me were offered bonuses to move out to Texas with them. Abby worked from home post pandemic, so we decided to do it.

So, a year ago, we moved to Plano, Texas. It’s very different than New Jersey. And it’s… well, let’s say it is a lot more Red than most of Jersey. And while I know that it was actually our democratic politicians that raised the taxes and regulations to the point that companies like mine were moving to Texas, Abby and I were still pretty liberal. The fact is, we just didn’t really fit in Plano, or Texas as a whole.

So, how did that lead to Abby on her knees looking at me with a guilty, or scared, or… I don’t know what kind of look on her face? Well, because we were having trouble making new friends, we spent a lot of time together at home over the last year. A lot of time. Too much time. We got bored. Bored of Texas, bored of each other, just bored of everything. We got an apartment right near my office, so I was home from work in like ten minutes. Abby was home all the time. It was just too much together time at home for two newlyweds. That certainly didn’t make things exciting in the bedroom, things were boring there too. It was just a downward spiral of ‘blah’.

Anyway, that lead to a New Year’s Resolution to ‘spice things up’. Abby, a researcher by trade and nature, searched out a bunch of different things that couples were doing. We’re not into crazy freaky stuff, so the spiciest thing we could come up with is watching porn together. We went through the whole process of like, asking each other what we’d be into and so forth. I of course did not tell her what kind of porn I really watched, and had been watching since like middle school. I’m not an idiot. So, anyway, we eventually got some of the most vanilla, boring porn known to man. Even that was a total disaster. The women in the video obviously had huge boobs, and that made Abby feel really self conscious. The porn did the opposite job of turning her on. In fact, she kind of freaked out and proclaimed that she never wanted to come in contact with porn in any way ever again. It was awful. So awful, that we abandoned the whole “let’s spice up our sex life” resolution for three months.

I could tell she didn’t want to completely give up though. Partly because she wanted to make sure our relationship was strong, partly because giving up on anything wasn’t in her DNA. I knew it bugged her. I wasn’t at all surprised when in the next week she told me she had been researching again. Erotic Hypnosis was one subject that she looked up. We decided to give it a try. The first night, I tried to hypnotize her. I swung a pocket watch she had purchased in front of her eyes and read some scripts. It was a failure, a total failure. I was ready to throw in the towel at that point. Abby, however, had now strengthened her resolve, she didn’t want to quit.

The next day, she said we were going to watch an erotic hypnosis video. It was by someone called TexTrance. I don’t know where she found it, or how, but like I say, she is a researcher. So, we watched it. I totally wasn’t in the mood that night, but Abby was in. I’ll admit, overall with the sex stuff.. I was a little nervous that the spark between us had gone as quickly as it did. I mean Jesus, we were only 33. I decided I was in no position to be saying no to anything that could help re-ignite it. So, I cooperated.

Abby played the video link on our big screen tv. The same big screen tv where we had binged every Netlix, Hulu, Paramount, Peacock, and Disney + show known to man over the last year. This TV and couch was like the center of our world, but also, maybe the center of our problem? I don’t know. Anyway, that irony wasn’t lost on me that it was also the location where we were going to try to right the ship, so to speak. As I was thinking about all of this, a swirling spiral came on the screen. It had a slow fluid motion that cycled the color spectrum. Peaceful music began to play through our sound bar. The combination was surprisingly calming.

This guy’s voice came on. I assumed he was the aforementioned TexTrance. I could tell by the hint of a drawl that he was from Texas. I was surprised to find that the simple fact that I heard a Texas drawl wasn’t a dealbreaker for me. I have kind of grown to hate it over the last year, I’ll admit.

It was clear that this guy was experienced though. He had us doing this thing were we squeezed are hands, then released, then squeezed our leg muscles and released, all while watching the spiral and listening to him talk.

I’ll admit, it was relaxing, I felt myself sinking into the couch a bit, my whole body relaxing more and more with each word he spoke.

I was missing some of his words, but I eventually heard him say, "I am deeply relaxed and focused."

I heard Abby repeat it, which surprised me, but it also surprised me that I found myself repeating it as well. Is this too effective? Should I be worried about this working?

"All my worries have floated away… all my fears have disappeared." He said and again we both repeated. That was true, I knew I had been getting worried about something moments ago, but I couldn’t remember what it was. I felt really calm.

"I cannot turn my eyes away… I will not let them close." We both repeated, slowly.

"It doesn't matter that they are so heavy… so tired… so ready to close… the colors are too pretty to watch." At this point, I didn’t repeat, and I don’t think Abby did either. I couldn’t really open my mouth anymore.

"And it doesn't matter that you feel so tired… so sleepy… you must keep your eyes open."

I remember actually yawning. I was feeling so sleepy, as I noticed how rapidly my eyes were blinking.

"So close them… but not yet," the voice said. "You will wait. You must wait until I count down from ten… then, and only then, your eyes will become so heavy that you won't be able to keep them open any longer. When they close, you will feel ten times as relaxed as you feel now… and you will give in to that very sleepy feeling, and fall asleep immediately."

My peripheral vision somehow still picked up Abby nodding her head slowly to that. Was I?

"Good," TexTrance said, "You're doing so well now, and… Ten." I remember my already heavy eyes blinked even more as they began to get even heavier.

"Nine." My mind began to float away.

"Eight."

"Seven."

"Six." The colors began to fade and become blurry.

"Five," TexTrance said. "Background noises are not important… Four."

"My voice is more important, so much more important… Three."

"You can hardly stay awake any longer, with two…" my eyes were almost closed and blinking very rapidly now. "So heavy… so sleepy…" Giving in… only giving in… that's all you can do now, with one."

Next thing I knew, Abby and I were waking up. We both felt INCREDIBLE, and we made love and it was so… electric. It was like every nerve ending in our bodies was like ten times more sensitive it was really amazing. For the first time in a while, the sex was incredible. We were so thrilled.

So, we were happy to try it again the next night, and the night after that, and yes, the night after that. An interesting thing was that we seemed to “go under” more easily each time we watched. Abby did some research, and said that was normal. It was the day after that when the first weird thing happened. I got an e-mail from TexTrance.

The e-mail itself was fairly innocuous. He just apologized for not checking his e-mail sooner, then thanked me for listening, and asked me to tell him a little bit about myself. I couldn’t believe he had my e-mail. That scared me. Then, I looked down the message thread, and realized that I had emailed him. Five times in fact! I looked at the time stamps, and realized it was during the time when we were watching his video. I must have e-mailed him while hypnotized? That was kind of spooky.

Unnerved, I called Abby. “Hi, I just got an e-mail from… our friend that makes the content” I said, not wanting to mention a hypno video or anything, as I was at work.

Abby was at home, so she could talk more freely. “TexTrance, yeah, so did I”

“Don’t you think that’s weird?” I asked.

“I guess, I mean it must have been a post hypnotic suggestion. I e-mailed him that I was ‘completely hypnotized’, but I didn’t send any personal info or anything” she told me.

“Yeah, me too. What did he write back?” I asked.

“It was all fine, he just like, asked about me. He probably just wants to know who is watching his videos.” She said, seemingly unalarmed.

“Did you write back?” I asked.

“Yes. I didn’t like, use my real name and stuff, just that I was early 30’s and married. No big deal.:

“Oh, ok” I said, then I had to go, as I had a meeting. During the meeting, I thought about how I should respond, and did so as soon as I go to my lunch break.

Much to my surprise, I got an e-mail back pretty quickly. Again, it was pleasant. He thanked me for listening, then sent me a link to another file. I texted Abby immediately, and she confirmed that she had received the link too. At that point, our plans for the evening were set.

We watched that one that evening. We both went right out for it. Afterwards, was the great sex . I knew this was… unconventional, but it wasn’t just the best sex we had shared in the last few months, it was the best sex of our entire relationship.

The next morning, I had an e-mail from TexTrance, asking how we enjoyed it. I was more than happy to pay him my compliments. I exuberantly thanked him. He was gracious in his return e-mails, telling me that he was happy we had a good time with it. He seemed like a nice guy. He then asked me to tell him a little bit about Abby and I. I didn’t want to get into too much detail, but I gave him the basics, telling him about the move from the East Coast, etc. He then asked for a picture of us. I hesitated at that point, as I really wanted to stay anonymous in this whole thing.

By the afternoon, he could tell I was stalling on sending the pic. He wrote me and asked if I wanted another file. I did reply to that e-mail right away, and told him we absolutely would, and thanked him. His response back was that this should be somewhat of a two way street, and when I send a picture, he’ll send another file. I sat on that for a bit, and didn’t reply.

As the afternoon went by, I kept thinking about it though. His files were awesome. They were really well done, and the sex afterwards was so so hot. The whole adventure was really helping Abby and my relationship in and out of the bedroom. I had a very very SFW pic of us with hiking clothes and knit hats on. That picture wasn’t such a big deal, I figured I could send that to him and it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Frankly, the sun was behind us in the picture, and it was hard to make out our faces. This wouldn’t be too revealing to send. So, I attached it to an e-mail and sent it off to him.

Sure enough, I got a file back a little while later. I was happy about that, as it was now the night’s entertainment. I figured this is what couples in the 90’s felt like when they scored with a good movie at the video store. Anyway, I couldn’t wait to go home and tell Abby that I got us another file.

However, when I got home, she was there to greet me with the exact same surprise. We both laughed as we thought we were presenting the other with a big treat.

“Well, I have to say, I appreciate you.” Abby said with a kiss on my cheek. “I’m sure you didn’t like taking a selfie, so thank you for doing that in order to give us a fun night.”

“Wait, what?” I asked, “You sent a selfie?” I asked.

“Yeah, that was the ‘price of admission’ so to speak. Didn’t you send a selfie?” she asked.

“Well, I sent a picture, but it didn’t have to be a selfie” I said.

“Ok, well, basically the same thing, right?” she proposed.

“I guess” I admitted, though for some reason, I didn’t feel like it was. It was also odd to me that the request for her would be different than the request from me. I suddenly wondered if our files were different too. I looked at mine. It said ‘Brian custom’ with the date on it. I asked for my wife’s phone. Sure enough, hers said ‘Abby custom’ and the date.

I pointed this out to her, and she did pause. “Do you think it is a big deal?” she asked.

“I don’t know, maybe we should chill for a night?” I suggested, as I kind of wanted to sort this out a bit.

“Maybe…” she said non committally. “But, when you think about it, this isn’t really any different than what we’ve been doing. I mean, I guess we’ll listen with our headphones instead of playing the sound off the speaker of the TV, but that’s about it, right?” she said. It was clear she didn’t want to abort. “Plus, mine came with instructions to use water proof headphones. You have those for swimming, right? I’m very curious as to why I’ll need those. Besides, we always have so much ‘fun’ after” she said with a cute little raised eyebrow and a wink.

That was true, and I had been looking forward to this all day. Also, I still couldn’t bare the thought of just going back to streaming shows at 6:00pm either. I relented, and we did the files after dinner. As per the new usual, I was pretty much out right away, however, what was unusual, is that I woke up from the file before Abby did. I had a raging hard on, which had happened before. I looked over at Abby, she was still deep in trance. Her headphones were on, and her eyes were closed. Her breathing was ragged. She was touching her neck, her breasts, and in between her legs. God, it was so hot to watch. I was so, so hard. I was hoping she would awake soon… which she did, kind of.

Her eyes opened, though she didn’t look my way. She was just looking straight ahead with a vacant stare as she started to get up off the couch.

“Are you ok?” I asked, though I got no response. I then watched as she slowly walked towards the shower. I could tell she was still in a trance. I followed her, of course, with my dick still painfully hard.

She paid me no attention however as she walked into the bathroom, removing her clothes. All with almost no expression on her face. This was strange, but oddly also fascinating, as I was like a secret voyeur, despite the fact that I was right in the room.

I watched as Abby turned on the shower, adjusting the water temperature. As she stepped into the shower, I was aroused, but only half surprised when she adjusted the shower massage to a more pulsating beat, then placed herself lying down in the tub portion rather than standing.

"What is going on?" I wondered aloud to no one, as she most certainly couldn’t hear me. Not only did she still have the headphones on, but she was clearly still deep in the thrall of the file.

Comfortably positioning herself down inside the tub, I watched as she drew her legs towards her chest, spreading them. As the water cascaded down towards her from the shower, it fell in a wildly undulating beat that began to playfully massage her sex. By the look on her face, and the expression in her eyes, I knew that it very… sexually pleasurable.

"Damn!" I exhaled. My cock was painfully hard watching this. Yet for nearly twenty minutes, I watched as Abby allowed the spray of the shower to make love to her as she was lost in the hypnotic haze the waterproof headphones provided. Periodically she adjusted her position, obviously varying the intensity, or perhaps the placement of the stream as it caressed in its own very unique way. As she drew closer to climax, I watched as she reached down, spreading her lips with her fingers even more widely a part than they had been.

For the first time, I heard her speak, though it was difficult as the shower pretty much obscured the sound of anything else as she lay there.

"TexTrance TexTrance TexTrance."

I didn’t like that, but I could also tell by pleasured sighs that orgasm was only moments away. Judging her reactions, as I was obviously aware having seen her climax before, that she was close now, very close. Figuring I was only moments away now myself, I continued pleasing myself, anticipating that I would likely cum when she did. Seconds later, she did that, leaning forward slightly humping the water cock that was assuaging her pussy, once again yelling out the name of the creator of the hypnotic file as she orgasmed hard.

Here’s the problem, I did not. I just couldn’t cum. It was stuck, it was like…I didn’t have permission. I couldn’t believe it. It was the weirdest fucking thing, and I didn’t like it. Meanwhile, Abby was getting out of the tub and drying off, still not paying any attention to me. It was like I was a ghost. Things were getting too weird with all of this shit.

She walked into the bedroom naked, and I followed her with my still rock hard cock. I was hoping she was going to take out the earbuds and say “let’s have sex”, but she started putting on her pajamas. Sure enough, she just went to bed, leaving the ear buds in.

I went to tell her to take them out, and that we were not in sync tonight, but as soon as I saw her head it the pillow, I all of a sudden felt like I had taken twenty sleeping pills. I didn’t even make it to the bed, I collapsed on the floor next to it, not waking until my alarm went off in the morning.

Abby was still sleeping when I got up, but that was very typical for us. Working from home allowed her more time to sleep in the morning. I was always very careful not to wake her, and this morning was no different. I was still hard when I woke up. Again, morning wood wasn’t that unusual either, so I didn’t worry too much about it and got in the shower.

When my boner wouldn’t go down by the time I was out of the shower and shaving, I knew I had a problem. I wore my loosest khaki’s to work, but still raced to my desk so no one would see me. I e-mailed TexTrance right away.

“Something is wrong. I’m still… at attention. It won’t end. I think the file was cut off at the end or something.” I wrote him.

He e-mailed right back. This was pretty early in the morning, so I was surprised. “It’s fine. I’ll give you permission in a few minutes. Hey, where do you work?”

I replied right back. “I don’t want to get into personal identification stuff. Can you just fix this, I have a lot of stuff happening today”

The answer didn’t take long. “I like to know who I am corresponding with. That’s important to me. Tell you what. Once you write back to me with where you work, you have my permission to cum.”

I couldn’t believe that. This was all so stupid. I just needed to concentrate on work. Once I did that, it would get my mind off whatever stupid hypnotic block was there and my stupid boner would go down and I’d be fine. I started going through e-mails. A colleague wanted to get together to look at some quarterly numbers, and asked when I was free. I went to my outlook calendar, and that is when I realized I had a company huddle in the lobby at 10:00. Those things were big gatherings of the whole team, usually to “pump us up”… though more likely to pump up the CEO’s ego. Either way, they were standing room events… and standing was not going to be a good idea for me in my current condition.

‘Fuck’, he had me.

Totally pissed off, I wrote him back and told him the name of the consultancy firm I worked for. Then I sat there waiting for his return e-mail like a pathetic asshole.

Finally, it came. “Very good. You have my permission to cum. You are welcome. Enjoy!”

This was so fucking annoying, and weird, but it was unfortunately very real too. I knew there was a handicap bathroom on the 7th floor that locked, so I headed there, praying I wouldn’t run into too many coworkers on the way.

Once inside, I thought of Abby in the shower for like, 10 seconds, and that was all I needed. When I finally came, I was so relieved. At least now I could get on with my work day. However, it was quite clear that we had a very severe TexTrance problem.

I went out to my car at lunch and called Abby. Our relationship was built on complete honesty, so I certainly had no intentions of holding any of this back. I told her the full story. I told her about him wanting to know where I worked, and him ‘witholding permission’. I really didn’t take a breath through much of my story. I just sort of rapid fired it out to her. I ended with “so, of course we need to stop with these files.”

I finally exhaled, as I waited for her to chime in with complete agreement. Instead, there was silence.

“Abby?” I called out. Maybe the call got dropped.

“Yeah, I’m here. I mean, could it just be like, maybe not as bad as it seems right now?” she asked.

That shocked me. “What? Like how?”

“Like, he asks me questions too. Like what did we do before we found his files. I told him about the porn and stuff, and that we didn’t like it. That made sense, he wants to know who is the audience for his files. So with you and your work, I don’t know, maybe he just wanted to make sure you weren’t a cop or something?” Abby answered.

“Ab, first of all, how would that not be bad? If he is afraid of cops, that is a major issue in and of itself!”

“Ok, ok, bad example. Maybe he wants to make sure you aren’t like, his coworker or something. Maybe he works at like an insurance agency, and it would be bad if this got out… I don’t know. I’m just not sure we should quit cold turkey just because of one little weird thing..” she said.

“Ab, we have to. Also, quit cold turkey is like a term that you use when you quite smoking, or something addictive. That alone doesn’t sound good. We need to cool it for a while.” I said.

After a pause, I heard a sheepish. “Ok”

“Ok” I matched. I told her I would see her tonight, and that I’d bring home thai for dinner. It was a quiet end to the call, but I knew we were doing the right thing. That night was quiet too. The thai was fine, and we watched some boring Dateline episode as we both tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal that we weren’t doing a file. We ended up going to bed at like 8:30. The next night was pretty much the same.

That brings us to the Thursday when I came home and saw her on her knees that I realized she must have been listening during the day while I was at work. I was so mad, not mad at her, but mad at our situation. Mad at Texas, mad at the political forces that made us move here. Ok, that was likely a bit of misplaced blame, but I was just so pissed off!

“Ab, you said you would not do it. I can’t believe you would lie to me!” I shouted. I had never shouted at her before.

She looked back at me apologetically with her big brown eyes. “I’m sorry, but what he wants comes first.” she said quietly. “I told him where we live” she added quietly.

I was about to complain and fight about that more when the gravity of what she actually said sunk in. “Wait, you told him where we live…. Shit Ab, does that mean he is coming here? We have to get the fuck out of here!” I said, now in a panic.

“He wants me on my knees waiting for him.” Abby said to me with her big brown eyes staring back at me. I couldn’t tell if there was contrition, fear, or hope in her eyes. This was such a fucked up situation. Just then, I heard a car door close in our driveway. I knew it must be him.

My fight or flight kicked in. I grabbed her arm to pull her up. She only weighs like 115 lbs, so I was thinking I could just lift her out of there and take her out the back door. She started pulling against me though, struggling to stay on her knees as this madman entered our house.

“He wants me on my knees waiting for him as he gets here!” Abby grunted angrily as she struggled against me.

“Ab, we are in way too fucking deep here we have to go!” I pleaded.

I heard the door open. I looked over, a wiry man in his fifties walked into my house. He was carrying bags and what seemed to be some equipment with him. He wore a white cowboy hat with a spiral on the middle of it, like where the buckle would be. Or maybe cowboy hats don’t have buckles. I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. What mattered was that I knew that had to be TexTrance.

“Let her go, and fall to your knees. Do that now. Obey me.” He said calmly.

“Fuck you!” my head thought. But my hands and my legs thought his idea was much better. They complied immediately. I knew that wasn’t good at all as I fell to my knees.

I turned and looked at Abby, I was wondering if there would finally be fear in her eyes as she realized how screwed we were. But there wasn’t. Her big brown eyes were just staring at the intruder before us, almost… lustifully. She was looking at him like he was a fucking rock star, like he was the greatest thing in the entire world. My heart broke.

“Look at me. Do it now. Obey me” he said, and my head snapped to him. “Look at the spiral on my hat….” He said. Soon everything went dark.

"And wake." Was the next thing he said. I was still on my knees in the living room. My wife was on his lap. He glanced at me as he moved his hand on her bare thigh. Abby had worn a pair of pink gingham shorts and a pink fuzzy sweater. She was looking at him with an adoring, hazy gaze.

“Kiss me” he whispered. She didn't say anything, just reclined her head on the couch as he moved in and kissed her. I felt funny feelings in my stomach watching this guy kiss my wife. I saw his tongue move along her lips and then she opened her mouth. Accepting it, letting him kiss her, long, wet, passionately.

Then he moved his hands under her sweater and massaged her tits eventually unsnapping her bra and pulling both it and her sweater over her head. I could tell from his smooth motions that he had done this before. That was even more clear as he had her naked on her knees in just a few minutes of skilled disrobing and hypnotic language. Soon, she was knees sucking his cock as he stroked her hair all the time telling her how much he knew she loved serving him.

"You like that hypnotic cock don't you Abby? You like sucking on that Texas hypno dick," he questioned. She merely nodded her head without letting the pole slip free.

"Yes, suck on Master's dick. I knew all those nights listening to my hypnotic voice you wanted it. You did, didn't you baby? All those nights following my commands, you been wanting some of Master's cock haven't you sugar?"

Again, Abby nodded. "Tell me. Tell Master how much you want my hypnotic cock,"

Abby removed the meat from her lips long enough to confirm his answer, "I do. I want to suck it. I want your hypnotic cock," she moaned as she went back to slurping on his hard shaft.

"Master?" I thought. TexTrance was referring to himself as Master. Fuck.

Kneeling on my living room floor, I watched as her small hands slid up and down his shaft. Her soft pink lips moving up and down on the stranger’s cock which disappeared in her pretty mouth. She was gasping as she tried to swallow all the prick but could only manage perhaps half as he moved her auburn hair behind her ear. She was so… desperate for his cock. I had never seen her like that.

My own cock was rock hard in my pants and I wanted to take it out and cum kneeling there watching the spectacle of this hypnotist getting a blowjob from my wife. But I couldn’t, as I didn’t have fucking permission.

I knew there was no stopping this now. She was possessed by his cock and I was totally turned on watching it. "Look on the TV baby. Look at what I'm doing to my slaves," he encouraged. That’s when I realized he was playing a fucking porn on our TV. I looked over at it. The video showed TexTrance fucking what looked like Sororiety girls. There was an Alpha Chi Omega banner in the background. One girl had her legs spread wide as he pounded his cock into her pussy as he told another named Christine to masturbate. His scrwany ass moving up and down as he thrust into her. I could kind of tell that the video was at least 15+ years old. One, from the way he looked, and two from the video quality, but three was that the song Don’t Cha by the Pussy Cat Dolls was playing.

I looked over at Abby.

"I'm going to fuck you now, That's what you been wanting isn't it baby. I think I want to make another video. You’d love to be in one of my porno’s, wouldn’t you Abby? It is a great way to serve me, and to have my hypnotic cock in that tight married pussy. That's what you've been dying to feel isn't it," he kept on.

"Yes, yes I want it. I want to serve you. And to have your hypnotic cock in my pussy. Fuck me Master," she begged in between wet slurps on his shaft.

"Tell Master what he wants to hear. Tell me," he demanded. Even in my freaked out/half hypnotized/half tortured and captive state, I found this a redundant comment. She literally just said it. He must have just gotten off on the power of it all.

"I want you to fuck my little pussy. Fuck me like you fuck your hypnotized slaves. Use me," she begged. It broke my heart.

"You gonna' be my little hypnotized slave? You gonna' be like my other slaves and become a hypno porno movie star for me?," he grilled.

I couldn't believe how TexTrance was talking to Abby openly about porn and she didn’’t freak out. She hated pornography with a passion by this point. But here she was on her knees, slurping on his cock, wet with her saliva that dribbled from her mouth.

For a second, I thought I apprehension in her eyes, but she didn't sound like it as she answered him back, "Yes, please make me your hypno porno star. I'll do whatever you want me to do, be with whoever you tell me, just fuck me with your hypnotic cock. I want to feel your cock. Please give it to me!" she begged.

TexTrance lifted her head off his cock. "Brian, set up the video equipment," he instructed me. I was shocked to find myself quickly obeying his command.

He guided her to a sitting position facing him on the couch with her squatting just over his cock.

"You know when I put this in what it means don't you," he inquired as he grasped his rod in his hand under her. Abby simply nodded her head, rested it on his. "Move up a little," he directed as she raised her ass just a few inches as he guided the head of his thick cock to her quivering pussy. I couldn’t believe I was actually filming this for him.

"Master's gonna' fuck you now baby. That's what you want isn't it. To feel my cock in that pussy," he cooed. Abby nodded as she sat down on the Texan’s shaft as in my camera view screen I saw it disappear under her until her ass was flush with his crotch.

It was done. I knew it. I wondered if Abby and I would be the same. I wasn't sure. Not after this night.

"Who's that pussy belong to?" he asked softly as he kissed her face.

"You Master. It's your pussy now," Abby admitted as she sought out his mouth and willingly took in his tongue that he put out to greet her quivering lips.

They fucked slowly for several minutes, barely moving their hips together on the couch as they remained in a passionate kiss. Every once in a while she would arch her back and lean back and present her modest breasts to him which he sucked into his mouth.

As he moved from one tit to the other, he told me I had permission to jerk off. I didn’t want to, because I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. But, I couldn't hold back any longer as I unzipped my fly and stroked my cock. In just a matter of seconds I launched a stream of cum that shot onto the living room floor.

That was five months ago, it’s May now. Abby and I watch the video frequently, then we have sex. When she comes, she yells that she loves Plano and Porno. And yes, we are both devoted slaves to Master TexTrance. Both Abby and I are actively embezzling from our companies for him right now.

#hypno #hypnotized #mindcintrol #cuckold

[cianmarstoo]

wip wednesday

i'm trying to remember to use this blog again lol so heres a look at chapter 30 of Did Things I didn't wanna

Tagging @anewkindofme and literally anyone else who sees this!

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“Awesome. Well I just wanted this meeting because I know that you all wanted to talk to each other, we can go over your plan Alex-”

“-By my plan you mean the plan everyones got for me which I don’t getta choose?”

“Alex,” Meredith chastised softly. 

“You’re right Alex, sadly there are certain things which you don’t get to decide on, but I promise you that everyone here is determined that you get to make as many choices as you can.” He waited to see if Alex wanted to say anything, but when he didn’t Zac just continued. “We’ll go over your plan, and you and Helen can talk to each other about your lives, things either of you missed out on, the police cases and what’s the schedule and the plan is regarding those, and then things like custody and contact.”

Alex stiffened. 

“Why don’t we start off with custody?” 

Derek's hand continued to rub his back as Meredith spoke, her voice was firm, Alex guessed that she must have felt him stiffen, even though he had tried his hardest to hide it. 

“I think that’s a good idea,” Rowan added quickly. 

“Okay, well the plan is that Alex stays in the custody of Meredith and Derek for at least the foreseeable future, whether that’s on a fostering to adopt basis or a long term fostering basis.” 

“So I’m staying with them?”

“Yeah, Alex mate, that’s what everyone thinks is best, you seem to be happiest and best looked after there. Why, is there something you’d rather?”

Zac didn’t say it in a mean way, not even slightly, but Alex kept his eyes on Helen in the corner, he wasn’t sure why… until he felt the sting of her nodding her head. He shouldn’t be surprised, Helen had never been able to look after him, if anything it had always been him looking after her, if he ended up back with her he’d soon be in a care home again, and he really didn’t want to leave Meredith and Derek even if she could look after him, but… it still hurt. 

“I guess… I mean what’s the point of us all talkin’ then? If nothin’s about to change?”

“What do you mean, Lex?”

Alex hated how soft Derek’s voice was. No he hated everything and everyone. 

“What’s the point of this, I mean what’s the point? If you guys what me, and she doesn’t, and if everyone’s fine with it why’d we even have to start with this shitty meeting-”

“Language,” Meredith warned him, second nature. 

“Alex we all want to talk about-”

“-About how I’m feeling? I’m fine, can we be done?”  He snapped at Rowan. 

“If you want to-” 

Alex stood up and stormed off. 

He wasn’t sure where he was walking to until he got to Meredith and Derek’s room. It was second nature to go there, the safest place, but then they had wanted the shitty meeting too, maybe they really had been hoping that it was going to go down differently, that would make sense, it wasn’t like they even tried to call themselves his parents anymore it hadn’t even slipped out that he’d noticed, it would also make sense why they had wanted to talk about custody straight away. 

He turned on his heel, going into his room, he slammed his door. 

[violetsixx1981]

KEVIN, WE NEED TO TALK! Part 4

Word count 1K

⚠️ More Mentions of School Shootings!!!!

You go to Kevin’s house to tell you’re pregnant.

Walking up to Kevin’s front door, you swallowed your nerves and knocked. After about 30 seconds, the door opened, and there he stood. He looked so beautiful. The way his black hair fell over his dark brown eyes always left you speechless. It took everything in you to not just throw yourself into his arms right then and there, but you were here for a reason. A very important reason.

You were staring behind him, trying to figure out how you should tell him. “Earth to Y/N,” Kevin said as he waved his hand in front of your face. You blinked rapidly a few times to clear your vision and then turned to him. “Why are you here? You haven’t even spoken to me in months,” Kevin said, crossing his arms. “I, I um,” you began as you nervously wiped your palms on your pant legs. Something you only did when you were anxious. Kevin’s face morphed from annoyance to concern. “Are you okay,” he asked? You slowly lifted your eyes until they locked with his. You shook your head just as tears started falling down your face. “Come inside,” Kevin said as he extended a hand to you. You took it and allowed him to pull you through the door.

He led you into the kitchen, and you sat down on one of the bar stools that lined his kitchen island. Kevin handed you a glass of water and sat down next to you. “What’s going on,” Kevin asked? You were about to answer when you noticed the box of metal bike locks and his bow and arrow sitting on the floor next to his backpack. You turned back to him with wide eyes. “You’re really going to go through with this,” you asked? Kevin looked up at you. “Yeah I am. Don’t go to school today. Just go back home and tell your dad you’re sick or something,” Kevin said. “Kevin… please don’t do this. I love you,” you said as you reached for his hand. Kevin pulled his hand away and scoffed. “Yeah right. As if you could still love me after realizing all the rumors at school were true. I’m a monster Y/N. I always have been, I always will be. My mom knows it, and now you know it. So give me one good reason why I shouldn’t do this,” Kevin said. “Because I don’t want our child to grow up without his father,” you said, staring into Kevin’s eyes. “Our.. our what,” Kevin stuttered. You reached into your purse and pulled out the pregnancy tests, and set them on the counter. “Our baby,” you said. Kevin grabbed the tests and looked at them. He set them down and looked at you with tears in his eyes. “OMG, you’re pregnant with my baby,” Kevin said as he got up and began pacing around the kitchen. “Yeah, well, you didn’t ask about birth control before you came in me. I would have gotten a Plan B, but I had been so distracted after finding your notebook,” you said, looking down at your still flat stomach.

“Well, have you thought about what you want to do,” Kevin asked? “Not until I know how far along I am,” you said. “Have you made any appointments yet,” Kevin asked? “I only found out last night, and then I came directly here when I woke up,” you said. “Well, let me know when the appointment is so I can come with you,” Kevin said. That surprised you. You were sure that Kevin was going to tell you to leave the moment you told him you were pregnant. “You want to come with me,” you asked, turning to face Kevin? Kevin raised an eyebrow at you. “Why wouldn’t I want to come,“ he asked? “I just assumed you wouldn’t want to,” you said as tears fell down your face. Kevin furrowed his brow at you. “Why would you think that,” he asked? “Because we’re still in high school. We’ve barely gotten to live our own lives, and now we have to take care of another human being? It didn’t seem fair to you,” you said as you began biting your thumb nail. “Yeah well it takes two to tango, and I should have realized you weren’t on birth control because you were a virgin,” Kevin said as he sat back down on the back stool next to you.

You start crying, and Kevin puts his arm around you. “Hey, why don’t we stay here today? We can cuddle and order food, maybe watch a movie,” Kevin suggested. You nodded your head, and Kevin got up. He offered you his hand. You took it, and the two of you walked up the steps to his bedroom.

“Kevin,” you asked as you sat down on the end of his bed? “Yes, sweetheart,” Kevin said, turning towards you? “What did you mean when you said you didn’t want to hurt me anymore,” you asked, looking him in the eyes. Kevin sighed. “Back when you first started trying to ask me out, I wasn’t interested. It was when I had first started planning to shoot up our school, and I thought you were bringing too much attention. I kept trying to let you down easy, but you just kept coming back. When I asked you out on that date, I had planned to hurt you just enough to scare you away, but when I picked you up… you looked so beautiful. I realized that I had never had anyone care enough to actually try to get to know me. The way you actually cared what I had to say, it was something I wasn’t used to. I think I started loving you that night, I just didn’t know that’s what those feelings meant. Hell, I didn’t think I was capable of feeling those things,” Kevin said, as he gently pulled your chin up until your eyes locked on his. You stared into his dark brown eyes and found nothing but love and adoration. “I love you, Y/N! I promise that I will never do anything to hurt you or this baby. So if you decide to keep it, I’ll be here,” Kevin said. “I love you too, Kevin,” you responded.

[personasintro]

Hi Mimi. Can I ask you for advice.

I have a friend who is mad at me because I’m not calling her back 24/7, and because I can’t hang out all the time and have to cancel due to the fact that I work and they sometimes, even if I have plans, call me in.

I couldn’t attend her boyfriend’s surprise birthday dinner, who she’ve only been dating for like 4 months and I’ve only met twice, because they wanted to go out late at night and I was working the day before, during, and the day after. However that particular day I got to finish my shift early because it was raining so my boss told me to just go home. On my way home another friend called me, who I haven’t seen in four month because we live 1h and 45min away from each other. My birthday is in two weeks but she’s going on vacation soon, she asked if we could meet up in the city and have dinner, this is like 4-5pm, because she wanted to celebrate me by buying me dinner. I said okey. I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. We meet up, have dinner, order some drinks, and I post a video of us. The other friend, not even 5 minutes later, sends me a loooong message about what a bad friend I am without even knowing anything. I didn’t answer her right away and decided to wait until I was home. I got home at like 8:30, and the dinner was around 9-10isch so even if I didn’t go out with my friend I couldn’t go and celebrate her boyfriend because I needed to sleep.

She really went off on me, said a lot of things, and made me feel so shitty for nothing. So I wrote back and told her, we’re not kids, I didn’t do anything wrong, I explained briefly why I went out with my friend, and I also told her it’s my life and nobody can get mad at me for my choices, even if I was free that day it still shouldn’t be a problem because I don’t have an obligation to anybody. I also told her that I think it’s wrong that she decided to message me when she saw I was out, she could have waited and brought it up the next day instead of basically trying to ruin my night. I also texted her “don’t worry about this now, go and have fun, enjoy, let’s talk face 2 face when we get the chance” She then texted me back saying “I am celebrating his birthday all weekend, we can talk another day, I don’t have time to deal with this now”. I wrote back “sure”. My first thought, before I calmed myself down, was “so you have time to ruin my night, and start this whole thing, but you don’t have time to finish it?”.

Am I the asshole? Hahaha this sounds like a reddit post, I wanted to write it there but I don’t want to take a risk of her seeing it. Your account, your stories and you are also my comfort zone. I just feel safe here, which is why I am sorry for the rant and headache you have now. I just don’t like to talk about other people with other people, which is why I’m not asking for advice from my friends. But at the same time I’m desperate because I feel like I have done everything for her but just because I have work and have to prioritize myself I’m suddenly a bad friend for not attending her bfs dinner who I’ve only met twice. I mean it’s not like I missed her wedding day. It’s not like I was talking shit about her or told everyone her secrets for her to call me awful names and paint me as the bad guy. It’s not like the plan hanged on me, and I said no, and everybody stayed home but then I went out anyways. They still went out and had fun, so why should it be a problem if I was there or not.

I just want to add that this friendship is solely about me being there for her, I’m basically her therapist. I’ve never ever had demands on her or how she should treat me. I’m so drama free like this is my only drama in life atm in the past 6 years. I’m so easy going. You know that last year on my birthday she didn’t wish me a happy bday, and last year I asked her 6 times if she wanted to go on a vacation and she said no, but then she posts on snap that she’s going on a “random trip” with a girl she met 6 month ago at a gym who she doesn’t even talk to anymore because she feels that the girl was to clingy. I didn’t say anything because I thought it’s okey I’m not gonna ruin her day, vacation or whatever for something so silly, it’s HER life. I’m always there for her, even if I’m busy I always try to show her that she is not neglected by maybe sending her a song, or meme, or even going as far as telling her that I’m gonna be busy and that she can call me if it’s an emergency otherwise I won’t be so active. I always have her back, she calls me 4 in the morning and I pick up without blinking twice. My parents treat her as a second daughter, I’m always there for her as much as I can, and I just have to add that last month, I didn’t sleep for 36h and had a 10h shift the day after, but I still went out with her because she needed a friend due to having a bad day. I neglected my mental health for her. And our convos are 90% about her, 7% about random stuff, and 3% about me, and I STILL DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT because idgaf. Im honestly so unbothered I really don’t care, but right now I care because I feel that the text she sent me, and the way she wanted to paint me, and the words she used even though I’ve never ever had anything negative about her coming out of my mouth…I just feel like this is so unfair and I don’t know what to do. Should I end the friendship? Or maybe talk to her and try to make her understand? Im just so lost and this is honestly so sad because we’ve been friend for 12 years if not more. I don’t want it to end over something so silly…

Much love💜

Again I’m sorry for ranting, if you have advice I want to thank you for them. And I also want to thank you before hand for taking the time to read this. I admire u and ur stories!

I just have to add: she’s not a bad person, her good qualities overshadows the bad ones, which is why we’re still friends.

This message was sent a while back and I am sorry for responding only now. Maybe you were able to figure it out on your own or things happened after this. But all I can recommend for you to do is to talk to your friend, if you haven’t already. If I were you, I’d try to communicate and make her see where I am coming from as well and then… there’s nothing much you can do from there. You’ll see how she takes it and whether she’s able to see your side or not. Regardless of everything, she shouldn’t take you for granted and cut you some slack.

Like you said, you don’t want your friendship to end over something silly but maybe it’s not something silly at all. In the end, you don’t want friends who makes you feel guilty and take you for granted all the time. Just the fact your entire friendship seems to be focusing on her rather than on both of you says a lot. You shouldn’t be treated that way and you do deserve someone who equally cares about you as a person :)

[klbwriting]

Who Am I Really?

Chapter 7

Fandom: Aquaman

Pairing: Ormxfemale!Reader

Warnings: some violence

Summary: Orm contacts Arthur after 8 months of silence

YN was starting to worry about Orm under the water. He had been done there for hours and she knew he was able to breathe and live, but he’d never spent this much time there. She had already finished the afternoon chores at the shelter and was now sweating by the lake again as the heat from the day still hadn’t dissipated in the evening. The sun was setting when Orm finally emerged. He walked to where YN was sitting and sat down next to her. She saw that he was different, he was sitting straighter, almost regally.

“Orm?” she asked, voice shaking a little. He looked at her, head cocking to the side as if he was considering something. She bit her lip, trying to figure out the difference. Then it dawned on her. “Your memory?”

“Its all back,” he said. Even the candor in his voice had changed. It wasn’t the laid-back tone he used to have, it was sharper now, harder than before. “I remember everything.” She nodded slowly and looked over the lake again. Tears had sprung to her eyes, and she knew it was selfish. He remembered who he was, and he probably wanted to go home. She should have thought of what would happen when he got his memories back, but she had been wrapped up in helping him, then in loving him, that she didn’t really consider it.

“What will you do now?” she asked, trying to control her voice. She felt his arm go around her shoulders and he pulled her to him. Her head automatically fell to where his shoulder met his neck, and he kissed her head.

“I’m staying here with you,” he said. “Although I want to tell you who I am and why I think I was attacked. Then you can decide whether you want me to leave or not.” She nodded. Orm spent the next hour as twilight turned to night explaining his past to her. YN listened quietly, asking no questions, letting him get everything out. “I suspect that I’m being attacked because some faction from Atlantis found out I’m alive and are hunting me. I’m not sure why. I don’t really know how the kingdom views me anymore. Probably as a tyrant, I wasn’t exactly a great king, and I did arrange attacks on my own people to further my war agenda, I’m sure that doesn’t make me look very popular.”

“Do you think your brother knows you’re here?” she asked. “Maybe he has information on that. Can you contact him?” Orm nodded.

“I am going to contact him in the morning. I want to let him know I’m not dead and let him meet you. I’m never going to hear the end of it though, Ocean Master, hater of the surface, falls in love with a surface dweller. He’s going to laugh at me,” he said with a chuckle. YN smile.

“You still love me?” she asked. Orm looked at her surprised.

“Did you think my memories would erase my feelings for you? If anything, I love you more. You really didn’t know anything about me, you took me in, helped me to be functional again. You didn’t have to do anything for me and yet, you’ve done everything, including being the most amazing partner I could ask for,” he said. “You are an angel I don’t really deserve, and I’m thankful to Poseidon for you.” She smiled and kissed him softly. “Can we go to the house? I’m exhausted honestly.”

“Well, getting 30 odd years of memories back in an afternoon probably is tiring,” she said. She stood, taking his hand, and helping him up. They headed back to the house.

Arthur got Orms message from Atlanna the next afternoon and finally felt himself relax a little. He knew where his brother was, knew he was alive and well, and hopefully had time to warn him about Artrax and his men. He made sure that Mera would be able to handle his appointments that day and headed off to meet his brother. He made sure he wasn’t followed and found the animal shelter and small cabin. Orm was waiting at lake’s edge for him. He saw YN, the woman who Orm said took care of him, guiding some dogs in and out of a play area. He ran up and hugged his brother, much to Orm’s annoyance, spinning him around a couple times.

“What the hell baby brother?” Arthur said. Orm winced.

“Do not call me baby brother,” Orm said, sighing. “And I was attack, 3 Atlanteans, their bodies are in the lake, but they hit me with a pulsar blast, and I hit my head on the house…”

“Surprised the house is still standing,” Arthur said, drawing another annoyed look from Orm.

“I hit my head on the house,” Orm continued, “and woke up with no memories and with YN taking care of me. I’ve been about 7 months now.”

“Well, I hate to ruin the fun, but you have to go,” Arthur said. YN was coming down to the shore and heard him.

“Go? Why does he have to go?” she asked. When she was close enough Orm wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. Arthur nodded, looking sad in his understanding.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Orm said. “Whoever was after me hasn’t returned, I’m betting they don’t know I’m here.”

“Not so fast, he knows you’re in the town, and he wants to find you. He has gathered a small following around the idea that you were a tyrant, his son died in that attack you stage from Manta,” Arthur said. “And when you were assumed dead, he started a pretty heavy smear campaign against you, more and more are following him.”

“I’ll keep him hidden,” YN offered. She knew that she couldn’t do much, but she would do anything for Orm. Arthur looked at her and smiled sadly.

“I’m really happy that you guys found each other, but we need to do something about Artrax if you expect to stay safe,” Arthur said. “I’m not sure what is going to deter him though, he is one stubborn prick.”

“Give me a week, I will figure something out,” Orm said. Arthur considered this, weighing his options. He could do a week, give him time to figure out a safe place for Orm to go once he realized this was hopeless. He nodded.

“I’ll be back next week, be ready with a plan or with a packed bag,” he said. Orm nodded and they shook before Arthur left. Orm looked at YN and sighed. He had said he would think of something but right now he had nothing.

“Let’s go have dinner, we can figure it out over pasta,” she said, trying to sound cheerful despite everything that was happening. Orm nodded and put his arm around her, heading to the house.

Arthur was halfway to Atlantis when Artrax cut him off. He immediately went into defense mode, seeing that the noble had brought several soldiers with him. This was bad, very bad.

“I knew you’d lead me to him,” Artrax said before blasting Arthur with a pulsar blast. Arthur tumbled head over feet in the water. By the time he stopped soldiers were on him. He started to call to the sea life for help but one of the soldiers stuffed a plant in his mouth and before he could do anything else he passed out. “Bring him with us, we will bargain with Orm using him.”

[ladylooch]

Does Savannah ever babysit Stella and how does Stella feel about Sav? Like is she jealous of her bc she gets Lios attention

30 minutes. That is how long it takes for Stella Wood to look in Savannah Miller’s direction after she walks in with Lio. 30 minutes of ignoring up until Lio decided to sit next to Savannah on the couch across from where Stella was playing with her dolls. 

“You can’t sit there.” Stella tells her uncle. 

“Why not?” She slides her eyes to Savannah. The judgement is strong, then she looks back at Lio.

“Because I said.”

“Who’s the adult here?” Lio chuckles, trying to keep the mood light.

“Mommy.” 

“Mommy isn’t here. Or daddy. So it is me and Savannah.” Stella gives a weird look when he says her name.

“I’m not listening to her.” Lio raises his eyebrows. 

“Mmm, yes you will. No one on this couch takes direction from 4 year olds.”

“I’m almost five.”

“You’re not even close to five!” Lio chuckles. “You just had a birthday.” 

“Hey Stell, Uncle Lio told me that you have a doll that looks just like you. Can I see it?” Savannah changes the subject. This doll is Stella’s most prized possession right now. It’s a great diversion from the building tension in the room. Stella nods, then sprints off to her room.

“She has a lot of clothes too but mommy said I have to keep them in the chest because I keep losing them and they’re expensive.” She brings forward the doll which does look exactly like Stella with curly brown hair and blue eyes. “I made her a bracelet at my friends house too.”

“Oh wow. Do you have a matching one?”

“No.” She gives Savannah a weird look, then goes back to smoothing her doll’s hair down. 

“Ooookay.” Savannah laughs, looking over at Lio. He gives her a reassuring peck. They talked about this before they came over. It might be a little rough at first, but Stella will come around.

“Stell, are you hungry?”

“Yeah.” 

“Babe, do you want to put in the sushi order and I’ll get started on her dinner?”

“You’re going to make her dinner?” Savannah teases. 

“I make the best Mac and cheese.”

“Yeah!” Stella cheers. Savannah is still not buying it, but then she sees Lio take out the blue box, it all comes together. 

The girls stay in the living room while Lio works on bringing the water to a boil. The living room is hushed and quiet until sudden a violent shriek rips through the apartment. 

“You don’t get to tell me what to do. This is MY house.” Stella yells.

“Whoa.” Lio calls, turning around from where he is at the stove, working on Stella’s Kraft Mac and Cheese. “What’s going on?” 

“That lady touched Penny! Nobody touches her but me and mommy and daddy and you!”

“Stell, ‘that lady’ is my girlfriend. Please be nice.” Stella wrinkles her nose. 

“No! I want her to leave!”

“I’m gonna leave if you keep that up. Knock it off.” Lio points at her with the wooden spoon. Stella’s mouth drops open in surprise. Lio has never gotten stern with her like this before. She turns away, back to the coffee table. Lio goes back to the stove, not even acknowledging Savannah’s ‘pump the breaks’ look. Stella glares at Savannah, tossing her doll onto the couch and padding her way into the kitchen to Lio.

“Can you call my mommy?”

Lio hesitates, but Stella has tears in her blue eyes and he doesn’t want to make it worse by saying no. So he sighs, pulling out his phone while taking the boiling noodles off the stove. 

“Hi. Everything okay?” Lucie answers.

“Stell wants to talk to you.” Lio hands the phone down to the little girl, then walks to the sink to pour the noodles out into the strainer. 

“Can you come home?" Stella asks immediately.

Savannah watches Stella from the couch as she rubs at her eyes while holding the big phone in her tiny hand. Savannah is fully aware of how important Stella is to Lio. She thought Stella liked her. She had seemed to when they had met a handful of times before Savannah and Lio really became anything. But now, with Savannah here as Uncle Lio’s girlfriend, the outlook seems to have shifted. Despite Lio preparing her, it hurts her feelings. 

Stella mumbles into the phone a few times, then walks back to Lio, holding the still going call up to him. He pinches the phone between his cheek and shoulder so he can keep going on dinner.

“Yeah?”

"What's going on?" Lucie asks. He can hear the bustle of the restaurant behind her voice. 

"Not loving the guest." Lio mumbles discreetly. 

"Ahh.. I see. I'm going to have her go into her room for a break. Follow her in, alone, after ten minutes and see how it goes. She's very temperamental right now with change.” Lucie sighs. “And if that doesn’t work, I don’t know, figure it out. Because I’m not coming home until I get dicked down in the car.” 

“Kay.” Lio shakes his head.

“It’s been too long.” 

“Okay! I heard you the first time. Stelly, mama wants to talk to you again."

Lio continues preparing the boxed mac and cheese after handing the call back to his niece. Eventually, Stella takes in a big breath, then puts Lio’s phone on the table.

“I need a break.” She announces to the room, then walks out before Lio or Savannah can respond. 

“This is going so horribly.” Savannah sighs, running a hand through her hair. Lio chuckles.

“Thought you didn’t care what people think?” 

“Lee, please.” She whines. He smiles.

“Sav, change of any kind is hard for her right now. It’s not you.” 

“It feels like me.”

“It is not you.” He assures her more firmly, gripping her upper arms so he can lay a smooch on her. “Uncle Lee Lee has got this.” 

Lio waits ten minutes, standing outside of Stella’s room. Then he gently knocks on the door, popping it open. He finds Stella in her bed, surrounded by piles of stuffed animals on either side. Her thumb is tucked into her mouth, wet cheeks and little sniffles shaking her body. Lio wades through her stuffed animals to sit on the bed next to her

"You wanna talk to me about what's going on?”

"I don't wanna share you." She says immediately, little lips quivering.

"Sit up with me.” She grabs the closest stuffie, a panda, and sits up, letting Lio pull her into his lap. Stell closes her eyes, leaning her forehead in the center of his chest as she cries more. "Stelly." Lio coos, rubbing her back. "I know we have some big feelings right now. But I would love it if you could try to spend time with Savannah and me. I really like her. I think you two will be friends. Can you give her a chance for me, bug?”

“How you gonna love me and her!?” Stella exclaims. 

“Easy. I have lots of love for you both.” He keeps rubbing her back while tears from her face bleed into his grey shirt. “Daddy loves you and mommy, yeah?” Stella doesn’t respond. “Hm?” Lio taps her back. She sucks in a big breath.

“Yeah.” She whimpers. 

“I can do that too, Stell.” She looks so sad and distraught, it feels like Lio’s heart is being ripped out of his chest. Stay the course, he reminds himself, Sav needs you to get this right.

“How about you take a few more minutes, then come join us for dinner?”

Stella nods. Lio places her back in with her stuffs, leaving her door ajar as he returns to the kitchen. Savannah had finished the Mac and cheese. The sushi has arrived too. Both adults sit quietly at the table, waiting for the title girl to join them. She comes out wordlessly, climbing into her chair. She glances at Savannah, then at Lio, before sighing heavily. 

“Stell.” Is all Lio need to say for the little girl to know what she needs to do.

“ ‘M sorry. You can play with my doll too.” 

Lio and Sav share a suppressed grin.

It may take a few more days together, but they’re gonna be just fine.