#don’t ask me who it is because I can’t and won’t tell you

[eowynstwin]

i’m drooling at ur older bf price (not much else to say except when/if u ever have more thots abt him please share 🙏)

previous

You curl in on yourself after sex, sometimes. It’s a pattern Price has noticed—you’ll finish, then he will, and in the humid moments after, the shutters in your eyes will close. You won’t meet his gaze.

He’s only asked once about it, and it had been so clear that the question disturbed you that he hadn’t pressed. You’d tell him, he reasoned, when you were ready—

(And he could nudge you in that direction in the meanwhile.)

The sink is put back together, cabinet door closed. Your sundress is wrapped and twisted around your midsection, naked breasts wet with his saliva and compressed against his chest as you lay panting on top of him. His shirt is in some far-off corner, thrown aside, and his jeans are around his knees.

“That was nice,” he murmurs in your ear, kissing your hair. He makes a home for his fingertips between your shoulder blades, walking the trail of your spine, up and down, slow as a tide.

“Mm-hm,” you say, out at sea. Far away.

He can’t deny that it disappoints him. But it isn’t about him, and he shouldn’t make it so. Even if it is about him, it isn’t actually about him—it’s about something else that has attached itself to him. Things are like that more often than not—deeper, older problems with hooks, the barbed kind that sink in and cling and won’t come out of their own accord.

So he keeps kissing your hair, and he keeps stroking your back. His softened cock hasn’t slipped from you yet, and he makes no move to dislodge it. You nestle closer to him; shift your body over his, a little, just for the feeling of it. He waits for the sigh—the long, steady breath you take after the act, after you’ve found yourself again in wherever it is you go after moments like this.

“This is probably weird to talk about after sex,” you say, and Price’s ears perk up.

“Nothing weird between us, dove,” he encourages. “What’s on your mind?”

You play with his chest hair a little, twirling it around with the manicured ends of your nails. (A manicure he happily paid for.)

“You’re the first man who’s ever given a damn about me,” you mumble into his neck.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he says honestly. He kisses you again, because he wants to, and because he wants it to comfort you.

“You don’t make me feel stupid for not being able to do stuff on my own,” you continue. “My step—my mom’s husband. He used to make fun of me for, for getting confused about changing my car’s oil. Or he’d get annoyed at me. Or I’d need him to change my tires because I can’t do it on my own, and I’d call him for help, and he wouldn’t pick up the phone.”

“He sounds like a piece of work,” Price comments.

A younger version of himself would have offered to beat the shit out of the asshole. That self’s anger on your behalf sits radioactive in his chest even now—corrosive, roiling, righteous fury, ready to carve your name on whatever offal is left over after Price gets through with him.

But that would be for his own ego, not for you. That has no place here.

“Do you know—” and your voice breaks a little, “do you know how bad it feels when a man who’s supposed to look out for you treats you like you’re an idiot? Like you’re not smart enough to be worth helping?”

“Some,” he says. “It’s an awful feeling. I wish you didn’t know how it felt, dove. I’m sorry.”

He feels something warm and wet drip onto his chest, and your shoulders begin to shake.

It’s not the full-body, wracking cry of catharsis. Just an episode of something longer, something tired. A problem dealt with, over and over again—a wound that reopens sometimes, if it’s pulled the wrong way.

Price gathers you closer, wraps his arms around you tighter. He cups the back of your neck with one hand and murmurs “shhh” into your hair, soothing and quiet, squeezing you against him.

“I’m okay,” you say, a little watery. “Really, I am.”

“I know you are,” he says.

He tilts your face toward his, and kisses the center of your forehead. You meet his eyes with your own, wide and glistening with your tears.

“I’m always gonna help you, dove,” he promises, catching one that falls with the edge of his thumb. “And you can always ask.”

-

No I don’t have daddy issues why do you ask

[spotsandsocks]

Hiii Spotty 💕💕💕

🎅+Aurora

-❤️🪐

Hi! I’m sorry this one’s jumped the queue a bit cos I got inspired… hopefully in a surprising and fun way? It’s 900 words and will turn up on ao3 at some point. 🩷💙🩷💙🩷💙 it’s been written quick and messy so apologies for any errors (would love to know when you worked out what was happening, it’s probably very obvious)

Three days and he hasn’t let it go. Eddie had been sure he would but the man’s stubborn. More stubborn than he anticipated. Too late he sees Buck coming towards him, there’s no subtle way to avoid him so he squares his shoulder and faces his fate. There’s always the option that Buck won’t ask again.

“Eddie.”

“Buck.”

He returns the greeting smoothly. Buck stares him straight in the eye and jumps right in.

“You gonna tell me yet?

“I’ve already told you I don’t have an opinion on the subject.”

The look on Buck’s face is skeptical at best.

“Don’t believe you.”

The stand off continues, blue staring down brown.

“I’ll find out eventually.”

Eddie doesn’t see how to be honest but the determined way Buck pokes his chest with his middle finger puts doubt in his heart.

“Everyone has a favourite and I need to know yours.”

Buck narrows his eyes before he spins on his heel and walks away.

“Not everyone has a favourite.” Buck holds up a dismissive hand as he disappears. “Bet Bobby doesn’t.” Eddie yells after him.

Buck spins, starts walking backwards. “He does and at least he wasn’t too embarrassed to tell me.

He’s taken three steps closer before he realises what he’s done and stops.

“I’m not embarrassed! I just don’t have a favourite.”

Buck shakes his head sadly.

“Sure Eddie. Gonna find out in the end. I have ways. Ways Eddie!”

Then he’s turning away again and marching off leaving Eddie standing alone and feeling oddly guilty.

*

He lasts another day. Well one shift with Buck being polite and slightly cool, sitting at the other end of the couch not next to him, staring at him but not asking the question anymore. One lunch with Chim, Hen and even Bobby asking him to just tell him.

He doesn’t get why Buck needs to know anyway. Hen says it doesn’t matter why, he wants to know so tell him, Chim says to tell him before Buck phones his abelua to find out (which is a possibility that hadn’t occurred to him)l and Bobby says tell him before I have to order you to.

Eddie keeps telling the lie that he can’t tell Buck anything because he doesn’t have a favourite. He does, but he’s not supposed to so saying it out loud makes him feel weird. The others all told him their answer to Buck’s seemingly random and to Eddie deeply personal question.

He lasts one shift and a final look into sad blue eyes that look his way once before Buck says a general goodbye to the room and leaves.

Shit. Eddie rests his head on the locker with a deep sigh.

“It doesn’t make you any less of a man Eddie. It’s ok.”

Chimney’s voice is kind but has an undercurrent of amusement. It’s ok for him he wasn’t brought up in a toxic comp het environment.

“I know that, it’s just…. silly, isn’t it? I don’t see the point.”

“Do you have a favourite?”

Eddie sighs again and confesses.

“Yes.”

“Then just tell him. Who knows why he wants to know, he just does so make him happy and tell him.”

*

He knocks and waits. He hasn’t texted to say he’s coming over. He’s just turned up, that’s ok, they do that sometimes.

The door opens and Buck’s smile slides off his face when he realises who’s at his door.

“Eddie.” It’s a flat disappointed tone, Eddie can’t take it anymore. He blurts out the answer.

“The pink one,”

Buck frowns. “What?”

“The pink one is my favourite.”

“The pink one?”

“Yes.”

“The pink ones your favourite and you don’t even know her name?” Buck’s eyebrow cross examines him.

“Fine… Aurora. Sleeping Beauty. Briar Rose. She’s my favourite Disney Princess.”

Now he’s confessed Buck’s face has split into a giant grin. Maybe telling Buck something he’s never told anyone before is worth the embarrassment for a smile like that. Buck opens the door wider, clearly inviting him in.

“Thank you Eddie, was that so hard?”

As he walks past Buck adds.

“Mine is Ariel.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“I know, very rude of you, but I have no problem sharing important information with friends, unlike some people.”

And with that pointed comment, they’ve made it to the kitchen island which is apparently covered by various princess related decorations stickers, ribbons and sparkly things.

“Anyway, now you’re here you can help me. I’m making Jee’s birthday present.”

Eddie’s heart melts a little at how soft Buck is for his niece.

“Kinda got caught up in a Disney Princess research spiral, quizzes and stuff, what Disney Princess are you, what your favourite princess says about you…you know.”

Not really, but it sounds very Buck to him.

“So you wanted to know our favourites…” Eddie nods understanding now, and when he’d had refused to say, Buck had been upset and suddenly needed to know desperately. Also very Buck.

“Sorry I was being stubborn about it but when I was a kid boys didn’t like Disney Princess.”

“It’s ok, still love ya.”

The words make Eddie’s cheeks flush but he ignores that and joins his best friend; the kindest man he knows and starts to help with his mission to make and it’s a direct quote from the man himself, “the best, most princessy princess castle that ever princessed for a princess.”

Buck grins happily at him from the other side of the island and Eddie wonders if the day will come when he’s ready to tell Buck another secret about himself. He hopes so. He really does.

[rainswriting-blog]

An Argument With The 141 Boys

Summary: when you tell them “fuck you”

Warning(s): light angst, cursing, suggestive

Word Count: 1169

Reblog’s and feedback are appreciated. 18+ minors do not interact

Captain John Price

The door slams behind you as you stomp into the hallway, adrenaline coursing through your veins. “Fuck you,” you mutter under your breath, loud enough for Price to hear.

You don’t make it far before his voice calls out, firm but calm. “Stop right there.”

You freeze, the authority in his tone sending a shiver down your spine. Slowly, you turn to face him, your anger colliding with his piercing gaze.

“I don’t care how angry you are,” he says, stepping closer. “You don’t get to talk to me like that.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t if you didn’t treat me like some fragile thing!” you snap, your voice shaking. “I can handle myself, John.”

His brows furrow as he exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair. “I know you can. That’s not the point.”

“Then what is it?” you demand, frustration boiling over. “Why do you keep shutting me out? Why do you act like I don’t belong in your life when things get tough?”

His expression softens, the walls he’s carefully built around himself beginning to crack. “Because I’m scared, love,” he admits quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “Scared that one day, I’ll come back, and you won’t be here.”

The vulnerability in his words takes the fight out of you. “John…”

He steps closer, his hands gently cupping your face. “You mean too much to me, Y/N. I’m trying to protect you, but I’m doing a bloody awful job of it.”

You place your hands over his, your anger melting into something softer. “I don’t need you to protect me. I just need you to let me in.”

For a moment, he studies you, his eyes searching yours. Then, without a word, he leans in, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that’s both tender and desperate.

As you slowly drop to your knees.

Simon “Ghost” Riley

Your heart pounds as you pace back and forth in the small living room, replaying the argument in your head. “Fuck you,” you’d said, your voice dripping with frustration. You hadn’t expected him to follow you home after that, but the knock on your door tells you otherwise.

When you open it, Simon is standing there, his mask in place but his eyes intense. “Can I come in?”

You cross your arms, leaning against the doorframe. “Why? So you can tell me how I’m overreacting?”

He exhales slowly, his shoulders sagging slightly. “I didn’t come here to fight, Y/N.”

“Then why are you here?” you ask, your voice softer now.

“Because I can’t leave things like this.” He steps closer, his presence filling the doorway. “Not with you.”

Your resolve wavers as you step aside to let him in. He removes his mask once he’s inside, revealing the weariness etched into his features.

“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice low. “I didn’t mean to push you away.”

You sigh, your anger fading as you look at him. “You can’t just shut me out, Simon. I’m not some stranger who doesn’t care about you.”

His gaze meets yours, and for a moment, he’s silent. Then he steps forward, his hand reaching out to gently touch your cheek. “I know,” he murmurs. “And that scares the hell out of me.”

“Why?” you whisper, your heart aching at the vulnerability in his eyes.

“Because you’re the one thing I can’t lose,” he admits, his forehead resting against yours. “And I don’t know how to handle that.”

Your breath catches as his lips brush yours, tentative at first, then deeper, as if he’s trying to say everything he can’t put into words.

“Please, Simon,” you whisper, your voice thick with need, fingers curling into his shirt as you tug it upward. “I need you.”

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish

The words are barely out of your mouth when you see Johnny’s expression change. He doesn’t look angry—just hurt. “Fuck you, Johnny,” you’d snapped, and now you’re regretting it as he stands there, silent.

When you try to walk past him, he catches your wrist gently. “Wait,” he says, his voice softer than you expect.

You stop but don’t turn to face him. “What?”

“Do you really mean that?” he asks, his thumb brushing against your wrist.

Your shoulders slump as the fight drains out of you. “No,” you admit quietly. “I didn’t mean it.”

He tugs you gently, coaxing you to turn and face him. When you do, his blue eyes are full of concern. “Then what’s goin’ on, lass?”

“I’m just… frustrated,” you say, your voice trembling. “You’re always risking your life, and I’m stuck here, not knowing if you’re going to come back.”

Johnny’s expression softens as he steps closer, his hand cupping your cheek. “I know it’s hard, love. But you’ve got to trust me. I’ll always come back to you.”

Tears prick at your eyes as you look up at him. “You can’t promise that, Johnny.”

His thumb brushes away a stray tear. “Maybe not. But I can promise I’ll fight like hell to make it home to you.”

The sincerity in his voice makes your chest ache, and when he leans in, you meet him halfway, his lips warm and reassuring against yours.

Johnny lifts you effortlessly, his hands firm yet gentle as he pulls your panties to the side. His movements are slow, deliberate, and teasing as he slides himself into you, leaving you breathless in his grasp.

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

The tension in the room is unbearable after your outburst. You can see the hurt in Kyle’s eyes, even though he’s trying to hide it. “Fuck you,” you’d said, and now the silence between you feels insurmountable.

He finally speaks, his voice quiet but firm. “You didn’t mean that.”

You look away, guilt gnawing at you. “I was angry.”

“I know,” he says, stepping closer. “But that doesn’t make it okay.”

You swallow hard, your arms wrapping around yourself. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I just… I hate feeling like I don’t matter. Like you’d choose your job over me every time.”

His eyes soften as he reaches out, his hands gently resting on your shoulders. “Y/N, you matter more than anything to me. But this job… it’s not just a job. It’s who I am.”

“I know,” you say, your voice breaking. “But it doesn’t make it any easier.”

Kyle pulls you into his arms, holding you tightly. “I know it doesn’t,” he murmurs. “And I’m sorry for making you feel that way. But you’re the reason I fight. You’re the reason I want to come home.”

You bury your face in his chest, letting his warmth and steady heartbeat soothe you. When you look up at him, his lips find yours, a soft yet passionate kiss that feels like a promise.

“Please, Kyle,” you murmur, your voice soft and pleading as you look up at him. “Take me to bed.”

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[justdrawlynn11]

Celestial Underground Au: Sun’s Last Days

Context: A flash-forward to 10 years after the Creator was defeated by the siblings. Sun is king once again, but not for long because while his magic might be powerful, it’s been slowly killing him, but it’s been speeding up recently.

(Warning: Very long and ANGSTY)

June 26: It’s a warm Summer afternoon, but you could tell that night would fall within the next hour or two, all of the royal family are inside and almost all spending time together, enjoying each other’s company and trying to remain happy, trying to distract themselves from the King’s health…

Sun was alone in his room, standing out on his balcony and seemingly waiting to see the sunset. Moon knocks on the door and Sun grants his twin brother permission to enter.

Moon: “Hey Sun..”

Sun: “Hi Moon.”

Moon: “What’re you doing?”

Sun: “I’m just waiting for the sunset…”

Moon is silent for a moment.

Moon: “….”

Moon: “Sun… Are you just going to give up..? Just like that? You- you can’t just give up like that-”

Sun: “Hm?”

Moon: “I- I mean there’s still time, right?! We can still fix it-”

Moon starts back on his same old rambling of trying to convince Sun, or even himself, that there’s still some hope of keeping Sun alive, and that they can’t just give up. Sun: “Moon… we’ve known that this would happen for a long time. We’ve all done what we could do… you’ve done all you can do Moon..”

Moon: “B-But there’s still- there’s still time to fix it just don’t give up like this-”

Sun: “Moon… you need to accept that-”

Moon: “NO- Sun it isn’t fair! You’re only just about to be 43 years old! It’s not fair that you only get a decade of peace to live after all the messed up things that happened! And Dazzle’s too young to loose another parent- Especially one she remembers!”

Sun: “Well at least you won’t be second in line for the throne anymore, you’ll only be sort of behind Dazzle-”

Sun tried to joke around to lighten the mood, even if what he was saying wasn’t really a joke…

Moon: “Sun- I don’t care where I am on that stupid line of being heir anymore, I just want you to stay ahead of me and not move it forward yet!”

There was another pause, as they were trying to think of what to say, as the one isn’t going to fully agree with the other’s views on the matter… Moon’s so desperate to prevent what’s to come, and yet Sun’s already content with dying…

Sun shifts the conversation..

Sun: “Moon… I know I don’t have to ask this, but I will… Please take good care of Dazzle after I die, she’ll need it after I’m gone..”

Moon: “…..”

Moon: “Of course Sun….”

Sun: “And please don’t put her into the throne at 16 like I was, we both know that’s a nightmare to throw on a kid.”

Sun made a laughing scoff sound as he was jokingly commenting on his own life... He noticed that Moon didn’t appreciate the joke considering the circumstances…

Sun: “You already have my permission to take the role of temporary King until Dazzle comes of age, Moon. And if she doesn’t want to become Queen.. well Moon I have no doubt that you’ll be a great ruler to our kingdom…” Sun wanted to give Dazzle the chance to choose whether or not she’d be Queen, a choice she gets because she was adopted rather than being born into the main ‘bloodline’ of the family. Not that it really mattered to Sun considering he’s raised her since she was a month old..

Sun: “I’ve already set things up for you and Dazzle so there won’t be many issues when the time comes…”

Moon looks at Sun… and he starts tearing up… he’s so distraught and desperate and yet his twin, the one who he’s known since day one, who will be gone forever here soon, is so calm and accepting of his horrible fate..

He knows Sun’s in pain, but he guesses Sun’s pain tolerance came in handy there considering it was hard to notice… Sun just looked tired instead of looking like he was dying..

Moon embraces his brother, King of the Superstar Kingdom and the bright side of the family, and he starts crying…. No, he’s sobbing, begging his brother not to go… even if he knows it’s out of both of their control.

Sun hugs his brother back, letting Moon let it all out because he knows this hurts…

Sun: “Moon.. everything is going to be okay… And I know that you and Dazzle and all the others will do great things… even if I can’t be there to see it… You’ve all already done so much good…”

Moon’s cries continue on for a little while..

Moon began to tire more as his cries started to slow down…

Moon fell asleep in Sun’s arms, most likely by overheating himself due to stress. Sun picks up Moon, he can tell that he himself was becoming physically weaker because he was struggling to pick up Moon, something he’s done multiple times mostly effortlessly... But since he can still pick up his little brother, he takes Moon to his room, he can tell Moon’s tired. Sun then heads back to his own room to change his sleep jacket because Moon’s cries of dark oil would stain..

Sun then heads to Earth’s room, as that’s where the rest of the family was spending time, and luckily Earth’s room wasn’t to far from Sun’s, moving is starting to hurt more and more...

He spends the rest of his day with his other siblings and his daughter and nephews. Sun tells Dazzle the same thing he’s been telling her for a while in preparation for his death… he wanted to make sure she wouldn’t need to worry. Sun, to Dazzle: “Dazzle, I really want you to remember that being a princess is great, but I trust that you could be a great queen someday who will do great things. But I know that even if you want to stay a princess that you can still be amazing, and no matter what I’ll always love you.”

Dazzle: “Okay *yawn* Papa!” That yawn was telling that it was starting to get late..

Everyone said their good nights and headed to bed.

Sun took Dazzle to her room and tucked her in for the night.

Dazzle: *yawn* “Night… night daddy..”

Sun, with a soft smile: “Night night Dazzle, sleep well.”

Sun left the room… he knew it might be the last time he’ll get to tuck his little girl into bed… with how tired he’s becoming he doubts he’ll last until the end of tomorrow…

Sun headed to his room to go to sleep...

Moon’s sleep:

Just like for months.. and months… and months… Moon’s dream showed him a future he’s spent so.. so long trying to prevent…

It wasn’t as graphic as some other visions that had haunted his dreams in the far past, Sun wasn’t destroyed and covered in his own oil or roboticized… but that didn’t mean it wasn’t just as terrifying as any other vision…

Sun was lying in his bed… but Sun himself was gone… there was nobody else in the vision so Moon could never tell if he was going to be there or not…

It was all silent… everything felt frozen.. and he never liked being frozen.. forced to see his dying brother’s corpse every single night…

Forced to see something he knows he can’t prevent anymore…

Why did they let Sun use so much of his own magic ten years ago..? The triplets could’ve helped boost his medallion’s power to de-roboticize so many others… all that usage ended up just speeding up Sun’s death…

Why did this have to happen…?

June 27: It’s early morning…

Moon awakens early… he absolutely hates having those nightmares. He gets out of bed, guessing that Sun took him to his room last night, and he goes to his older twin’s room. He goes and sits by Sun’s bed for a few hours, Spaniard came in and asked if Moon needed anything to eat and Moon requests some food to be prepared for him and Sun for when Sun awakens.

When Sun awoke, Moon could tell that something was most definitely wrong. He could tell that Sun was much worse than he was the day before. Just yesterday Sun could at least stand and walk to a few rooms of the castle(and carry Moon). But today he could tell.. he could tell that.. that Sun won’t be alive by the end of the day.

And that breaks his heart so much, he wants to try begging for Sun to not leave him again like the day before, but he can’t let out a word. All replaced with tears as he can actually see his older brother in pain. And he hates that the only way to stop it is the one he hates the most, and yet the most inevitable outcome at the same time.

Sun, waking up: “Hmm..? Moon..?”

Moon: “G..good morning Sun..”

He hates that he can’t stay strong enough for Sun in his last moments, he hates the thought of being temporary King, scratch that, King in general. Because it means that Sun is gone. He hates that Sun’s stupid magic, something so helpful to them, was also the reason he’d loose his brother. He hates the thought of Sun being dead and yet he can tell that it’s been happening for years and today’s the last day he’ll see Sun like this, in the worst condition he’s personally ever seen Sun in.

Sun: “Moon… can I get a hug..? You seem like you need it…”

Moon: “S-sure Sun…”

They hug for a short while, Sun’s letting Moon let his grief over the situation out… he knows that Moon’s been trying to prevent this… he wished he didn’t have to leave…

Sun: “Moon…”

Moon: “Hm..?”

Sun: “C-*cough*- can you please get the others..? I just want to see them a bit more today..”

Moon: “Sure… sure thing Sun, give me a few moments..”

Moon goes to get the rest of his family as quickly as he possibly could… he really didn’t want to be away from Sun for too long today…

Sun spoke to all of his family, both individually and all together. He joked a bit with Lunar, along with discussing how Lunar’s been feeling lately, Lunar mentioned that his custom beanbag order had finally come in and he was excited to show Sun how comfortable they were. He talked with Earth, asking how Monty and her were doing and how her latest knitting project was coming along. He assured Nexus that he was going to be okay, and even if he wasn’t then it he trusts that everything would be okay, Nexus even played a bit of drums.. an experience familiar and yet so far in the past.

Solar could tell, just like with Nexus, that something was worse with today for Sun compared to the others… Sun tried to assure Solar in a similar way as Nexus.. but it felt as though Solar was still more upset and wary of what was going on, even if he was really good at hiding it by now.. Sun asked Solar about any side projects of Solar’s aside from the whole ‘preventing Sun from dying’ task that he, Nexus, and Moon had been dead set on trying to achieve for so long now.. Solar’s apparently making little hats in his spare moments of alone time.

Sun talked with his nephews, Jack and Molten. Jack, from what he says, has been playing a lot of board games and been practicing his combat skills, Sun knew Jack would always be there to help and protect Dazzle. Molten had been a calm presence, he’s also taken up cooking as well, he was always trying out something new with either himself or his baby cousins.

He talked with Dazzle, she was super happy just being around him. Their little banter was always fun. Moon watched, he talked with Sun here and there but he more so just wanted to be around Sun.. at least for this moment…

He spoke to his family, it was both heart warming and breaking in so many different ways.

Sun: “Dazzle.. Hun I wanted to give you something..”

Dazzle: “Really? I have a gift for you too dad! It’s for tomorrow but do you want it early?!”

Dazzle was so enthusiastic.. she couldn’t wait to see her dad’s reaction to her gift.. Sun chuckled…

Sun: “Of course Dazzle.. how about we do a little exchange?”

Dazzle: *gasp* “Oo~ Gimme a moment I’ll be right back!”

Sun: “Go ahead..”

Dazzle rushed out of the room excited. Sun held himself until she left and then he started coughing quite a bit, it was a pain cough that he was probably holding in for a bit..

Earth: “Sun are you okay-”

Sun: “Y.. yeah Earth… I’m okay! I’m just not feeling well today is all…”

Dazzle re-entered the room, she was being quick due to her excitement.

Dazzle: “Okok- can I go first?”

Sun: “Of.. of course Dazzle..”

Sun was trying hard to focus.. to stay awake..

Dazzle: “So I made these for your birthday, but you can get them now! I made you a bracelet and a card!”

Sun: “Oh! Thank you honey..! Oh it’s such a- *cough* such a lovely bracelet!… Such a pretty assortment of beads you chose!”

Dazzle: “So do you like it?”

She enthusiastically asked her dad, proud of her gift.

Sun: “I love it Dazzle… I love it and the card..!”

Dazzle: “Yayy!!”

Sun: “Now it’s my turn to… to give you something!”

Dazzle: “Okay!”

Dazzle patiently sat as her father reached to his lower nightstand drawer, he grabs out a small box and gives it to Dazzle. Dazzle opened the box to find two bracelets. She smiled widely and excitedly said:

Dazzle: “You got me bracelets too!!”

Sun: “Not just any bracelets..! One of those used to be my bracelet when I was much younger… your auntie and most of your uncles weren’t… weren’t even born yet..! And the other is one that I… I made myself, super special and full of love just for you!”

Those bracelets… one was one that he’s had for years, a bracelet he couldn’t wear during the Creator’s reign as it was lost at the castle, and a bracelet that he made for her, for all the bracelets she’s made him in her life..

Spaniard the butler came into the room and informed the family that lunch was finished being prepared, Sun requests that Moon stay with him while the others go enjoy lunch.

They all said their ‘temporary’ farewells and their “I love you”’s.. Dazzle hugged her father.

Dazzle: “Bye-bye Dad, I love you!”

Sun returns the statement, it’s so casual you wouldn’t think that it would be their final goodbyes…

Sun: “I love you too honey… bye-bye.”

Everyone leaves until it was just Sun and Moon all alone.. Sun looked to his brother once more…

Sun: “Moon… how about I give you your birthday gifts a little early as well..?”

Moon: “Oh… sure.. if that’s what you want to do.”

Sun: “They aren’t the best or newest… but I hope you’ll like them anyways..”

Moon: “I don’t think I’d care about a small detail like that right now Sun.”

Sun: “Just… just wanted to tell you.. just in case..”

Sun reaches to his nightstand’s drawer and grabs out three things from it, some red ribbon bell bracelets, the ones he and Moon used to wear to match when they were little, a somewhat damaged photo that had seen better days, it was from their 15th birthday celebration… Moon knew it was one of Sun’s favorite photos because it showed Moon’s biggest smile in their youth, and a little handmade plushie of himself that Moon had never seen before. The other two things where things from their youth… from some of the happiest times in their lives…

Sun: “The plushie is for whenever you might be missing me.. I know it’s going to be hard on you after I go.. so I hope this- *coughing* ..this helps.. I hope this helps on the bad days.. if it makes you feel any better… I made it myself!”

Moon: “Sun..”

Sun: “You… you probably recognize the other things.. I just figured you should be the one to have them..”

Moon: “…”

Moon: “Thank you Sun.. anything you want for our birthday..? I don’t think I can get my gifts to you in the current moment… do you want anything in specific..?”

Sun: “… how about a hug..?”

Moon: “Of course Sun..”

Moon accepts, embracing Sun in a hug. Sun says to Moon, in a tired voice, getting quieter with every word:

Sun: “I love you brother..”

Moon: “I love you too brother...”

Sun: “That’s all I could ever ask for…..”

Sun’s grip in his brother’s hug loosens, leaving Moon to be the one to end his embrace of his older brother... Moon starts to cry, as he is now the oldest of the living royal family…

[kissme-withyour-cherrylipstick]

Merry Kissmas, Day 20

It looks like they really are going Christmas shopping, so Arthur drives them into town on a cold, busy Saturday, the last weekend before Christmas. Merlin’s breath is visible as he steps out of the car and Arthur admires the way his cheeks turn pink, until Merlin catches him staring and he has to look away.

“Why do you need me for this?” Merlin asks for the third time. “I don’t need to do any Christmas shopping.”

“I need you in my sight at all times,” Arthur answers as they head into the shop.

“Why? Worried I’ll kiss someone else?” He raises a cheeky eyebrow.

“No,” Arthur says forcefully. “No. I just... can’t miss my chance. You’re still in the lead, you know.”

“Yes, I know. You gonna take it from me?”

Something about the way Merlin says this makes Arthur feel flushed. “Yes. When you least expect it.”

“I always expect it.”

To test this, Arthur pulls Merlin close, but he wrestles out of Arthur’s grasp just in time. Arthur laughs.

“You’re really willing to do this in public?” Merlin asks.

“I already embarrassed myself in front of all your coworkers and I have to see those people again.”

“That’s true.” Merlin smiles at the memory and because of that, Arthur doesn’t regret his actions a single bit.

Later, once they’ve gotten into the groove of shopping, Merlin speaks up. “There’s only five possible points left, and with me in the lead, I only need three more points to win, so we could be done by Monday.”

Despite the dread with which Arthur has been watching the Hershey’s kisses leaving his little cardboard Advent calendar, this thought hasn’t occurred to him. That it could be over even before Advent was. “You really think you could get three points in a row?”

“I could.”

“Please. Is that why you’ve been quiet? You’ve been figuring that out in your head? And here I thought you were actually giving me a break from your incessant prattle.”

“Nope, I’ll never do that.”

“Why would you want that anyway? For it to be over early?” Arthur is surprised by how quiet his voice is. “Are you... not having fun?”

Merlin gives him an intense look that Arthur wishes he could decipher and which goes on for a long time before Merlin answers. “No, I am. You have no idea. But... I was just saying. You know, it’s possible.”

You have no idea . Those words seem to imply something, but Arthur has to come up with a witty retort for fear of having to confront something real. “I very much doubt it.”

Merlin crosses his arms. “You don’t think I can do it?”

“You haven’t.”

“I haven’t been trying. I’ve been dragging it out for your benefit, but now that I know you’re not having fun.” He lunges for Arthur, who easily holds him back with a hand to his chest.

“I didn’t say I’m not having fun.”

Merlin’s arms go slack. “Are you?”

“Yes.”

A smile comes across Merlin’s face, crinkling his eyes, for just a second. “Okay, then. Kiss me.”

“What?”

“So we can tie.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Make sure it lasts longer.”

Arthur stares.

Merlin bites his lip. “I won’t stop you.”

This is like a wild fantasy come true, but Arthur has to remind himself it’s just for a silly game that will soon be over and it doesn’t mean anything more. He steps forward in the aisle of the busy department store and places a tentative hand on Merlin’s neck, Merlin’s eyes closing at the touch. “This is okay?”

“Yes. God, yes.”

Arthur leans in, pressing his lips gently to Merlin’s and it feels real this time, something deep inside him stirring strangely at the touch, but he can’t bring himself to do it for more than a couple seconds, even though Merlin is kissing him back, and the way Merlin’s eyes stay closed when Arthur pulls away seems to be telling him something, but he can’t entertain the idea because he isn’t entirely certain what it is.

He realizes Merlin’s hands were on his waist when he feels them leave. He sighs. “Now we’re even.”

Merlin blinks his eyes open, and there’s something fresh in his face that makes him look even more beautiful to Arthur.

“Come on. Let’s find something for Morgana.”

[fkinkindagauche]

All I Ever Wanted Help With Was You

Finally time to post my fic for @steddieexchange! It's for Dorian (Sal3m_hfc on AO3). Hope you enjoy!

Also using this for a @steddiebingo 2025 Round One prompt, Vampire AU.

Rating: Explicit | WC: 8,651 | Tags: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Vampire Eddie Munson, Human Steve Harrington, Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, There Was Only One Bed, Virgin Eddie Munson, Top Eddie Munson, Bottom Steve Harrington, First Time, Blood Drinking, Size Kink, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Jason Carver Being an Asshole

Summary: Steve agrees to help Eddie out by pretending to be his human companion for a vampire gathering.

Read the whole thing on AO3.

“Steve. Stevie. My dearest friend. I need your help,” Eddie pleads, slumping onto the couch next to Steve. 

They’re at Robin’s place getting ready to watch a movie. Eddie is, as usual, all up in Steve’s space. Steve refuses to shift away from him. He won’t give Eddie the satisfaction of knowing he makes Steve uncomfortable. 

“With what, Eddie?” Steve sighs, wondering what the hell Eddie’s gotten himself into this time. 

“There’s this thing happening the weekend before Christmas,” Eddie says. “A vampire thing, with the coven I’m trying to join. It’s some sort of Midwinter festival, a weekend of, like, sensual partying I guess? At this estate up in Michigan.”

“How could I possibly help you with that?” Steve asks, puzzled.

“Well, see. I got invited by this vampire I met last week, Chrissy,” Eddie explains, putting his hand on Steve’s thigh. That’s fine. Steve can be normal about this. “She’s kind of a higher-up in the coven leadership. But I don’t wanna go alone, because the invitation specifically gives me a plus one, for a human or vampiric companion. And I don’t wanna be that one guy who shows up companionless.”

“A companion… is that, like, a date?” Steve is even more perplexed.

“Typically it does connote a sexual relationship,” Eddie concedes, “unless the vampire is asexual. Which I am most certainly not.” He wiggles his eyebrows.

Steve is well aware that Eddie’s not asexual. Eddie tells all of them, at length, about the fantastic sex he has with the people he feeds from. He says that vampire bites are an aphrodisiac, and his willing victims can’t help but jump his bones afterwards.

“You want me to… find you a companion? I’m not a pimp, Eddie,” Steve grumbles. 

“No!” Eddie yells. “I want you to pretend to be my companion. You’ve got the whole pretty rich boy thing going. It would look good, showing them I could net someone like you.” 

Steve blushes, unable to hold back his reaction to the backhanded praise from Eddie. He fixates on the word “pretend” to make sure he doesn’t get his hopes up. “I have to work,” Steve protests. 

Eddie groans. “Don’t you get, like, vacation time? Isn’t that a human thing?”

“You were a human one year ago,” Steve points out. Eddie has a tendency to talk like he’s a decades-old vampire who’s seen things, and Steve always likes to bring him down a notch.

Eddie waves a hand dismissively. “I’ve forgotten many of the human traditions since then.”

Steve snorts. “If you can get Keith to give me the time off, I’ll come with you.” He doesn’t think that’s even remotely possible. Keith hates Steve, and loves to make him work on weekends, so he figures it’s a good way to say no without having to actually say no.

Eddie nods. “Challenge accepted,” he says, squeezing Steve’s thigh and getting up to go help Robin with the popcorn. If Steve has to adjust himself following Eddie’s hand’s proximity to his upper thigh after that, no one needs to know.

Eddie somehow convinces Keith to give Steve the time off. Steve suspects drugs were involved, but Eddie claims he’s just that persuasive. Steve, who had been sure there was no way he’d get a whole weekend off at the last minute, has backed himself into a corner.

“But… what are we even going to do the whole weekend?” Steve whines after Eddie tells him the news. 

“There’s going to be activities,” Eddie says vaguely.

“What kind? Vampiric mini golf?” Steve quips, hands on hips.

“I’m not actually sure,” Eddie mutters, looking thoughtful.

“You’re taking me to a vampire convention and you don’t even know what’s going to happen there?” 

“Aww, don’t be scared, Stevie,” Eddie teases. “I’ll protect you from all the vampires.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Eddie, you’re a fledgling.”

Eddie raises a hand to his chest in mock hurt. “You wound me. I’ll have you know I’m an extremely precocious vampire. Wise and powerful beyond my years.”

Steve snorts. Robin walks back in from the bathroom, sitting on the couch next to Steve. “Eddie’s making me go to the vampire thing to be his little bitch,” Steve announces. 

Robin laughs. “Did you have to give Keith a blowjob to make that happen, Eddie?”

“Yes,” Eddie replies. “It was so good he offered to give Steve paid leave for the rest of his life, but I told him no need, I just need Steve for the weekend.”

“You do have a really big mouth,” Steve says, very pleased he’s actually able to get a blush out of Eddie. It’s rare, usually Eddie’s the one making Steve blush, but every once in a while Steve gets him.

“You guys are gross.” Robin cringes, sticking her tongue out at them. 

“Pretty sure you got us onto this particular topic, Birdie,” Eddie interjects. 

Robin ignores him. “Are you sure it’s going to be safe? For Steve?”

“I can take care of myself,” Steve grumbles. 

“Everyone’s allowed to bring a human companion, safety guaranteed by the coven,” Eddie assures. 

Steve sighs and slumps down on the couch. There’s probably no way out of this. And it will be nice to have a weekend away from Keith.

“Alright. Do I have to bring, like, fancy clothes?” Steve asks. He can’t imagine Eddie ever wearing anything other than jeans, a band tee, and a leather jacket, but he’s trying to lean into the vampirism thing a little more these days. 

“The invitation said there’s going to be a ball, which is black tie.”

“Eddie, do you even know what black tie means?” Steve asks. 

“Well, I assume, Steven, that it means I need a black tie,” Eddie snarks.

Steve sighs and drops his head into his hands. “We’re gonna need to go shopping.”

Read the whole thing on AO3.

Divider by @steddiecameraroll-graphics.

[lovebittenbyevans]

A Love Rekindled | Part 3

Summary: It has been two and a half years since you and him have seen each other. As you and Oscar Piastri crossed paths with each other again – you both start to wonder if the love you both had for each other truly faded

Pairing: volleyballplayer/ex-boyfriend! Oscar Piastri x Female Reader

Warnings: none

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Part 3

You let out a sigh feeling annoyed. Your mind was racing a mile a minute. You didn’t expect him to question you at all about you and him. You haven’t thought about being with him again.

Being back in New York for almost a week you feel like home again. You kind of felt back to normal and yourself again. Your mind has been turned on for the last few days. You need a week in Chicago to shut your brain off and not think.

“Mate, why can you never be real honest with him?” George asked you.

You thought about it for a second before you started to talk. “Because I know the answer he is looking for and I am not willing to argue with him about it.”

George sat on the chair stool next to you and said. “You can’t be scared forever, Y/N.”

You scoff. “Excuse me? Who said I was scared? I am allowed to feel however I want.”

He rolls his eyes and places his hand on yours. “Look, Oscar is like a brother to me and I would hate to see him not be with the woman who loves to run from her problems and not face them.”

You hate the fact that he knows you better than yourself sometimes. You sigh and shake your head. “G, we both know it won’t work between us.”

George raises an eyebrow. “How long are you going to keep using that same excuse?” He pulls his hand away. “I think you should just stop running and text him.”

A part of you wanted to argue with him but you took a moment to process what he was telling you. You know he was right but at the same time you didn’t want to feel disappointed again.

You huffed and took your phone from your pajama pocket. “I hate you.” Your tone was playful.

He chuckles a bit. “I am just looking out for you, love.”

You type in his name before you click on it and send him a message. You thought about what to tell him and then began typing on your phone.

You: Oscar, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me but I am truly sorry. You are right I am scared. I am scared that we would have gone our separate ways once you became this BIG volleyball star. I was scared that you wouldn’t love me at all. I was scared that you fell out of love with me once we went our separate ways. I was starting to not love you anymore once you got good at volleyball and people began to recognize you. I’m sorry.

You hit the send button and then looked at George. “I sent it but how are you?” You finally changed the subject.

He shrugs. “I’m good. I’m happy I have these few days off before game day.”

You nod. “And how is Nicki?”

He clears his throat and scratches the back of his neck. “She’s good and busy.”

“Uh huh.” You smirks. “Are you in love George?”

His eyes widened as you both noticed your phone vibrating against your lap. “It’s kind of too early, mate.”

You shake your head and check your phone, noticing that Oscar has responded to you. You were kind of nervous to read what he said to you. You clicked on the three messages he sent and read what he wrote to you.

Oscar: scared, huh? You are not the easiest woman I have ever dealt with. You used to be so sweet, down to earth and laid back but now you are this woman who has an attitude lol I never thought I see the day that you apologize but I will say I am happy you are finally being honest with me

Oscar: Everyday I thought about you and I still love you

Oscar: baby steps but when I’m in New York we will definitely talk again y/n

You smile a bit reading the text message before you place your phone back into your pajamas pocket. “I’m guessing from that smile everything is ok?” George got up from the chair stool and went straight to the kitchen.

“Something like that.” You glance to see him taking some pots out the cabinet.

He placed the cutting board on the counter. “Well, we both know Oscar can’t stay mad at you for long.” He placed the green pepper and red pepper on the cutting board.

You rise from the chair stool and head to the kitchen. “Whatever, what are you cooking for me today G?” You prop yourself up on the counter and glance at him.

George began to slice the green peppers in half. “You will see.”

“Do Nicki cook for you?” You tease him.

He shot you a look. “See yeah no we are doing this. Get the brussel sprouts out of the fridge and start cutting them up.”

You jump off the counter and laugh. “One day you tell me all about her.”

“Worry about Oscar first.” He told you while cutting up the green and red peppers with a sharp knife.

[yatagarasuhonyaku]

The Raven of the Empty Coffin: Chapter 2 "Akeru" Part 3

Disclaimer: This is a fan-translation japanese-english of the original novel. The events of this novel follow after what's already covered by the anime. For an easier understanding, I recommend first reading the few scenes of previous books I've already translated.

Blog version

For the Index, you can find it HERE

Previously: Akeru (Part 2)

⊛　　　　　⊛　　　　　 ⊛

Chapter 2: Akeru (Part 3)

“Isn’t Akeru kinda tense lately?”

It all happened during Horsemanship lessons. Shigemaru and Yukiya found themselves taking a break at a hilltop after finishing the assigned exercises, waiting for everyone else to catch up with them.

That day they were practicing what was called ‘rider-horse switching’. It was just one part of the training required to become capable of flying long distances without breaks and, as the name implied, it consisted of exchanging the roles between rider and horse in midair. At this point, they were only required to fly around the mountain once and then switch places, but Shigemaru had heard rumors that they would have to go all the way from the Center to Yamauchi’s frontier and back during their Graduation Trials.

Although, in theory, it was better to do such an exercise with someone of as similar a build as possible, Yukiya had proved to manage just fine even with Shigemaru as his partner.

“Still, it feels like you wouldn’t have any problems no matter who you partnered with.”

“Well, everyone becomes significantly bigger in bird form compared to their human form. I don’t think someone’s human build actually matters that much.”

“True, there are people way bigger and stronger than you in human form who are, in fact, struggling quite hard.”

“Oh, yes—like Akeru and his friends, right?”

While Akeru’s followers had never been particularly high achievers, even Akeru himself had started to flounder lately despite his initial brilliance. He had started to struggle to keep up as the difficulty of the practical courses ramped up—which was doubly true for Horsemanship, the one subject he had problems with from the start.

“Maybe that’s the reason,” Shigemaru said, bringing the conversation back to Akeru’s situation.

Yukiya gave him a bitter smile. “One of the reasons, most likely, but I doubt that’s all of it.”

The situation was changing even during theory, where Akeru had never before given up his position as the first of the class. “Well, you barely have a chance to study lately yet your grades are still virtually the same as his, I can’t blame Akeru for getting anxious over that.”

——Ever since the incident with Kimichika, Suikan had kept a constant eye on Yukiya.

It had been a month since then, and summer had finally arrived. Suikan, however, showed no signs whatsoever of forgiving Yukiya. He persistently called him to participate during exercise sessions and would find any reason—no matter how small—to give him all kinds of punishments and take away all his free time. Every so often, Suikan would outright lash out at him—telling Yukiya to his face that he should drop out of the Monastery.

It had gotten bad enough that, whenever they gathered, everyone in their usual group would insist that Yukiya should go ask for help from other instructors like Seiken. Yukiya, however, didn’t show a single sign of suffering through anything.

He would argue back at them—‘It’s on me for angering him’, ‘I don’t like the idea of telling on someone’, ‘If my grades dropped because of it that would be a problem, sure, but that won’t happen’. Yukiya laughed it off every time, never paying any mind to their group’s advice.

However, Yukiya was, in truth, losing sleep to finish his homework and he was forced to take tests without any preparation either. Despite that, and uncannily enough, his grades weren’t going down—they were actually improving. They were comparable to Akeru’s, even. He had risen to be the first of the class, or second at worst.

Akeru, meanwhile, was often rumored to spend all his free time on self-study. Even an outsider like Shigemaru could tell how Akeru’s expression would grow stiffer and stiffer every time he learned of Yukiya’s latest score.

“He made such a big deal of being part of the Wakamiya Faction too. I bet the coronation being postponed must be playing a huge part in it. He must not have any peace of mind—neither at the Monastery, nor at home.”

“You know, I feel kind of sorry for him.”

“No need. His grades are just his talent—or lack thereof—talking, and he only has himself to blame for acting high and mighty and humiliating himself like that. There’s not much for us to do.” While Yukiya had proved to be the type to sometimes spew venom with a smile, it was significantly more common whenever Akeru came up in conversation. 

At the same time that he chatted with Yukiya, Shigemaru entertained himself by watching the other trainees fly around. The many pairs would ascend and, as if performing some sort of somersault, exchange places in a matter of seconds. Although they all lost quite a lot of height at first, the trainee who had just transformed into a bird would immediately place himself underneath and spread his wings, catching the wind. Just like that, they would both rise to their original altitude.

It was entertaining to watch such a stunt-like maneuver from afar, but actually doing it was quite terrifying. The person shifting from horse to human was forced to take a shape incapable of flight, wholly entrusting himself to his partner in midair. It wasn’t any easier for the person transforming into a horse—it felt like having a heavy rock on his back as he struggled to remain in the air instead of falling altogether.

Finishing the course with both members of a pair in bird form—hence incapable of becoming a rider and mount—meant disqualification. It truly wasn’t a maneuver you could succeed at without coordination and mutual trust between human and horse. That was exactly why Shigemaru felt it was easier to complete the exercise with someone close to you, rather than someone with a similar build.

As he thought about that, Shigemaru suddenly noticed a pair among their flying peers moving all too slowly. “Yukiya, look!”

Before Shigemaru had the time to point at it, Yukiya noticed it as well. “That looks actually dangerous. Is the rider perhaps tired? Unless they gain more altitude, at that rate—Huh?”

Yukiya didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence. At that precise moment, the rider and mount tried to exchange places and, for a second, it was as if two horses were there at the same time. That was quite the rare sight when the swap went properly.

——He had a bad feeling about this.

The ideal was for both parties to shapeshift simultaneously—that was all too awkward and clunky to fit the criteria. Sure enough, they kept on falling inexorably, even once the initial horse moved upwards and transformed back into a human. The current horse proved incapable of catching the wind with his wings on time and his body plunged against the trees. 

“Someone has fallen!” the hysterical screams of those watching resounded in unison.

“This is bad! With a fall like that, he got hurt for sure!”

“Contact the infirmary!”

In a matter of seconds, a ruckus like bees protecting their hive overtook the place. The instructors flew straight towards the location of the fall. From the looks of it, the rider had managed to transform back at the very last second and so avoided major harm, but the horse hadn’t been as lucky. “But who fell?”

“Shige, that was Akeru.”

“What? Really!?”

“I’m sure. I saw the rider’s hair shine red just before they swapped.”

Shigemaru immediately felt ill at ease. For such a thing to happen right after their conversation. As they spoke, bird-shaped Yatagarasu flocked together above the place of the incident.

⊛　　　　　⊛　　　　　 ⊛

The moment he opened his eyes, he felt a dull pain throbbing through his entire body.

His mind was hazy, possibly because of the pain medicine, and his body felt as if it was burning. The sky, visible through the gaps in the infirmary's window shutters, had gotten completely dark. A doctor had checked up on him the first time he had woken up, so Akeru already knew what had happened to him.

There were scratches all over his body and he had some nasty bruises, but fortunately none of his wounds were of a life-threatening magnitude. However, as he had hit his head during the fall, the doctor had instructed him to remain in the infirmary for the day.

Akeru had a vivid memory of the moment he fell.

Of all people, his partner was Chihaya. After watching everyone during the marching drills, Akeru already knew he was the fastest flier among the Seeds, and yet Chihaya had been flying at an awfully low speed back when it all happened. Akeru had been convinced it was all Chihaya’s attempt at harassment, but Akeru couldn’t afford to waste time like that—he had to become the horse and catch up with the rest. Led by his growing panic, he started to transform before Chihaya was ready to do so, forcing him to go for a switch.

The sound of the wind raged against his ears.

And there, Chihaya. The expression on his face the moment he took human form.

——In the end, Akeru’s own transformation took too long.

A terrible blunder, one that would be a massive problem for his grades going forward. If things kept going like this, maybe Akeru wouldn’t even be able to become Wakamiya’s vassal. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go.

“Dammit……”

Where the hell did I go wrong? an overwhelmed Akeru wondered to himself.

“We have already informed everyone at the Western House.”

“I see…… Thank you for that.”

The next day, his two roommates came to visit. They had accompanied him to the Monastery and had once gone through great lengths to attend to Akeru’s every need, and yet they appeared unmistakably reluctant to come visit this time around. They both had the face of someone fulfilling the bare minimum of courtesies.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Nothing at all.”

They both remained aloof. Akeru could feel irritation expanding deep within his chest by the second. “...... You have been avoiding me lately. You know, if you have something to tell me, just say so.”

One of them abruptly raised his head. “Then, I’ll take my chance.”

“Hey, stop!”

“I’m not stopping! We are all thinking the same thing. So, I’ve heard about all this recently,” the boy said with a horribly contorted face. “Lord Akeru, you told us that you came here out of your own volition after receiving His Highness Wakamiya’s order to do so. But, apparently, you actually only served His Highness for one single day, am I wrong?”

Akeru was left at a loss. Why was that a problem now, after so long?

“Yeah, what about that?”

“I thought you coming to the Monastery was just in preparation to become His Highness’ vassal. You were truly brilliant at first,” he explained with an embittered look, “so we were almost fooled by that, but then—what did His Highness Wakamiya see in you, when you had barely spent a day with him and hadn’t even held a bamboo sword in your life at the time, to tell you to become a Yamauchi Guard?”

“Haven’t I told you again and again? The Yamauchi Guard is corrupt and I’m here to fix that. The Wakamiya Faction needs their own vanguard, and he chose me for that.”

“But if that’s the case, Yukiya of the Northern House is already there! He’s the most fit to obstruct the Animiya Faction. He’s the Great General’s grandson and the most talented in battle tactics among all our peers.”

To top it all off, Yukiya’s achievements included serving Wakamiya as his close aide for an entire year. If he got to graduate, there was no doubt he would become one of Wakamiya’s close vassals unless something radical happened.

“Command of the country’s warriors is the specialty of the Northern House to begin with. There was no need whatsoever for someone of the West of all houses to come to the Monastery. You were originally supposed to stay close to His Highness, right? As in, assuming His Highness expects Yukiya to fulfill his duty as a vassal by becoming a warrior, shouldn’t the same apply to you but by becoming a Court Official instead? And yet, you don’t even have an inkling of why you merely lasted one day as his attendant?”

“...... What are you trying to say?”

The rank of the Western House’s second son was, fundamentally speaking, one that shone first and foremost at the Court. What was the reason to even bother sending him to the Monastery despite that fact?

——The truth was that most nobles who went to the Unbending Reed Monastery were those whose families had forsaken them. Those too incompetent to get a job at the Court even through the On’i System.

“Wasn’t it simply that His Highness Wakamiya disliked you and used it as an excuse to get rid of you?” 

His roommate’s words left Akeru speechless. “We heard that you had His Highness’ trust, Lord Akeru. That’s why we went through the trouble of coming here with you instead of joining the Court as we had originally intended, but what’s the point if His Highness truly has forsaken you? You wasted our time and effort,” the boy spat out. “We shouldn’t have come to the damn Monastery in the first place.”

The other boy had so far restrained from talking altogether, unlike his fierce friend. Now, he shook his head with a sigh. “I don’t think it’s all your fault. However, the fact is that, as of now, the West-affiliated Court Ravens are increasingly disappointed in you.”

Akeru’s head failed to process it all. There was no way he could believe straight away that these two, those who had been closest to him, actually had such an image of him.

“We’re planning to voluntarily drop out.”

“What!?” Akeru rushed to ask—a hint of pleading snuck into his voice.

“Well, that’s the idea…… So, could you keep your distance from us?”

Akeru couldn’t think of a way to stop them. 

Just as his roommates were about to leave the room, however, Akeru caught sight of someone at the door. To make matters even worse, it turned out to be the last person he wanted to see in the current situation.

“Ah, did I come at a bad moment?”

The boy—Yukiya of the Northern House—tilted his head with a smile on his face.

“Ah, good to know it wasn’t too bad.” After watching Akeru’s roommates leave as if they were running away, Yukiya approached him with a shady-looking smile. 

“Why did you come here?”

“Is that how you greet people? And here I bothered to come deliver a present for the sick. Here, take it.” Yukiya handed him a package covered in wrapping paper. Inside, there were sugar-sprinkled kumquats.

“I don’t want them.”

“Oh, really? Now that’s a waste. Can I have them?” Yukiya didn’t even wait for Akeru’s answer. He immediately sat by the window and started to stuff his mouth with kumquats. For a while, the only sound breaking the silence of the room was his slow chewing.

Akeru had no words for Yukiya. He had this feeling—like he finally understood why Yukiya had given him the cold shoulder when Akeru first offered him his friendship as a fellow member of the Wakamiya Faction. Unlike Akeru, Yukiya had been serving by Wakamiya’s side for an entire year. He didn’t want to think about it, but if Wakamiya had truly sent him to the Monastery out of disgust, Yukiya was sure to know.

While a part of him wanted to know what Wakamiya had intended for him all along, another couldn’t even bear the idea of hearing the truth.

“...... If that’s everything, can’t you leave me alone?” he said in an admittedly dreadful tone—he was too scared of the truth coming out from Yukiya’s mouth. However, as blatant as Akeru’s jealousy turned out to be, Yukiya simply laughed it off.

“I have more to say, obviously. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have come here at all,” he confirmed with a wholly impassive expression. “You see, if things keep going like this, you’ll end up leaving this place sooner or later.”

Akeru flew into a rage the moment he heard that. “It’s not that bad! My grades should still be better than yours if you put them all together!”

“Who’s talking about grades here? You truly don’t understand the position you’re in, huh?”

Yukiya’s demeanor got, all of a sudden, a lot colder. Akeru flinched. “What do you mean? The situation I’m in…”

“Think about it for a moment,” Yukiya said as he fiddled with a kumquat, “the trainees currently on the Monastery’s register are 44 Seeds, 21 Saplings and 14 Evergreens, a total of 78 students. Among those, only you and I were born with a social rank higher than fifth in our region. Furthermore, and this is including us, there are only six Court Ravens in the entire Monastery with the right to employ the On’i System. The vast majority of those are either Seeds or Saplings. Do you understand what that means?” Yukiya asked an astonished Akeru—it was as if he was testing him.

“That most trainees from the high nobility fail out before reaching their third year……?”

“Exactly.” While, at the moment, there were still Court Ravens among his peers, virtually everyone would be either from warrior clans or commoners once they became Evergreens. “There are others linked to the Four Houses, of course, but they aren’t necessarily nobility themselves. It’s obvious what will happen to you if you keep ridiculing Hill Ravens and paying your respects only to your fellow Court Ravens, isn’t it? With that attitude, you’ll just end up surrounded by enemies,” Yukiya explained with a bored expression.

“Besides, to form a West-affiliated faction to reform the Unbending Reed Monastery is, no matter how you put it, both impossible and pointless. Any issues with the Monastery’s policies are for people like the director or His Highness Wakamiya—those involved in the place’s administration—to fix. To ask a trainee to do so is just cruel and His Highness hasn’t ever expected anything like that from you.”

Akeru was appalled. “Then… there’s no reason for His Highness Wakamiya to have sent me to the Monastery, is there?”

——Were Wakamiya’s actions truly a mere attempt to get rid of him?

At the mere thought, Akeru felt all strength about to abandon his body. A moment promptly interrupted by something in his mouth—Yukiya had, all of sudden, rammed a kumquat in it.

“W-what are you doing!?”

Akeru almost choked on it, caught in a coughing fit as an unimpressed Yukiya gave him a bored look. “Oh, you see, I was just thinking about how some incredible idiots truly do exist. His Highness Wakamiya has such high hopes for you and yet you’re completely blind to it.”

“What?” Akeru raised his head, as if in search of an explanation. This time, Yukiya gave him a wry smile.

“I mean, he told you to come to the Monastery, didn’t he? So you could become his vassal in the future,” Yukiya explained as he rolled yet another kumquat on the palm of his hand. “It’s easy to tell why, looking at the guys from before. They didn’t say so per se, but the fact they spoke out like that is probably very much related to the delay of His Highness Wakamiya’s ascension to the throne. Those who only approach you seeking out family influence will change their tune over and over whenever it’s politically convenient. If you want to earn trustworthy allies, the last thing you want to rely on is status and influence. Let me tell you this much—you’re the very reason they ended up acting like that.”

Akeru stammered. He remembered how his followers—people he had genuinely thought of as allies—had blamed him and accused him of lying to them just moments ago. “...... I didn’t ever consider that.”

Embarrassed with himself, Akeru hung his head and, in answer to that, a hint of delight appeared in Yukiya’s voice.

“——Do you realize now? Think about it, what if you became His Highness’ vassal and still committed this kind of mistake?” Yukiya kept talking to the silent Akeru, admonishing him. “Remember, those you look down on as Hill Ravens are about 90% of Yamauchi’s population. Wakamiya is, in fact, very well aware of what kind of people are the majority in the country he rules over.”

The Unbending Reed Monastery was, in a sense, a reflection of Yamauchi itself. Slowly but surely, Akeru started to grasp the meaning behind Yukiya’s words. “So that’s why His Highness told me to come to the Monastery……”

To learn how to socialize with commoners ahead of time. All to stop Akeru from having an attitude unbefitting of one of the Golden Raven’s close vassals in the future.

“Wakamiya told you to come to the Monastery, but he didn’t say you had to become a Yamauchi Guard. He was trying to raise you. That’s the ultimate proof that his expectations weren’t placed on the Scion of the Western House, but on you yourself.” Then, Yukiya unexpectedly looked Akeru in the eyes. “But, what about you? What would you do if His Highness Wakamiya loses his status as Crown Prince? Would you remain by His Highness’ side if he isn’t your brother-in-law? If Lady Masuho no Susuki doesn’t ever enter the Harem?”

Akeru gulped in response to Yukiya’s harsh words. At that moment, what came rushing back to him was that first meeting with Wakamiya, before he even knew of his status, and how he had felt that day.

——The start of everything, a shared secret and a gentle smile under the sinking sun.

“I—” Akeru let out in a hoarse, shaky voice. He closed his mouth to try again with more success. His tone was a lot more firm. “I want to serve under His Highness Wakamiya himself. If he values me as me, then I believe I must respond with the same.”

“I see…… That’s a relief for me too to hear.” 

This time, Yukiya had a bright smile on his face. It didn’t feel shady at all, not anymore.

For the first time since they first met, Akeru genuinely saw in Yukiya a companion, a fellow follower of Wakamiya. He felt like he had at last fully grasped why Yukiya had most likely been chosen as a close aide—that great intelligence of his. Not the kind that makes you good at studying, but a different one altogether.

“You aren’t like me, Yukiya. You have gotten this far, all with the conviction to never rely on your house’s influence.”

That must be the very reason why he had gone through such efforts to get along with Shigemaru and the rest, or so Akeru thought. However, Yukiya laughed Akeru’s sentimentalism off.

“No way! It’s true that I felt like that once, but I don’t have the luxury to say so anymore. I plan to use anything and everything that’s at my disposal.”

Akeru blinked. “But, then, what’s the point?”

“Don’t misunderstand, Akeru.” All of a sudden, Yukiya’s eyes narrowed into slits. Akeru, who had tilted his head in question, watched him. “Power and authority are troublesome things, they can easily cause your downfall when not used correctly. On the other hand, they can also be your strongest trump card. So, what I’m trying to say is,” Yukiya said with a cold smile, “you must not mistake when and how to use them.”

——Akeru felt a sudden chill down his back.

Yukiya’s smile had transformed into something entirely different. His eyes were impenetrable, like those of a snake. What emotions hid within, Akeru couldn’t tell but, in a matter of seconds, a deep terror rose within him.

“What are—” Akeru swallowed.

—you scheming? he tried to ask, but before he could finish his question, a tanned face abruptly popped out through the window on Yukiya’s side.

“Are you all done with the difficult talk?”

Akeru almost jumped up from surprise, but his entire body howled in pain at the attempt. “Shigemaru! When did you arrive?”

“We came here together with Yukiya, to be honest, but it didn’t feel right to intrude given the mood so we hid here to wait instead. Here, a present,” Shigemaru bent himself through the window and dropped a basket full of plums on the floor.

“Oh, I actually love plums. Can I have one?” Yukiya asked nonchalantly.

Akeru was left in a state of complete confusion. What had that been a moment ago?

“You had quite the impressive fall, but you seem better than I thought you would be. How are you feeling?” Shigemaru asked him.

Akeru was incapable of answering at first. Ironically enough, he had the feeling that Shigemaru had just become the first person to show proper concern for him. It was both strangely moving and a source of sudden embarrassment at his own behavior so far.

“Your concern is much appreciated. I’m doing fine, but… ‘we’?” 

“Oh, yes! Actually, he has been way, way more worried about you than me.” Outside the window, Shigemaru vanished for a second. He proceeded to pick up the boy apparently sitting there by the scruff of his neck, effortlessly lifting him up to show Akeru.

A sour face appeared—‘I wasn’t that worried’ written all over it.

“Chihaya.” Akeru was so surprised he couldn’t say more.

Meanwhile, Chihaya seemed to be struggling just like him. He looked to be at a loss for quite a while, before finally letting out a mutter, “It wasn’t intentional.”

That’s all it took for Akeru to understand what was going on—to get an idea of what kind of rumors were spreading all over the Monastery at the moment. Everyone probably suspected that Chihaya had hurt Akeru intentionally. He originally served under Kimichika, whose harassment attempts towards Akeru had turned into a frequent occurrence as of late. Had he not been directly involved in the incident, Akeru would have probably believed the same.

“...... I know. It was my own fault I fell.”

He had seen Chihaya’s expression for a second there—he had been clearly frightened. It all, from his initial transformation to his fall, happened in an instant, but he had still felt how Chihaya had done everything in his power as the rider in an attempt to recover.

However, there was one thing he couldn’t understand about the incident, no matter how he thought about it...

“Hey, Chihaya. You should be able to fly a lot faster, right? Why were you going so awfully slow back then?”

Chihaya answered his question in a dispassionate tone, “You were struggling to keep your balance. I thought you would roll down from my back if I flew any faster than that.”

“——I see.” Akeru let out a big sigh. After straightening himself over the futon, he deeply bowed in Chihaya’s direction. “I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble. I’ll explain what happened to everyone else.”

“No…… There’s no need.” As scarce as Chihaya’s words were, they made Akeru’s chest feel so much lighter.

“Oooh! To see you apologize to a Hill Raven. You too have grown, huh?” Shigemaru’s amused admiration, on the other hand, gave Akeru all kinds of mixed feelings—something the former seemed to pick up on immediately.

“Look, Akeru.” Shigemaru’s expression changed ever so swiftly. “Just like you had your own reasons to come to the Monastery, we all also have ours. Nobody has the exact same circumstances, so it’s a given we all think differently.” 

Akeru meekly listened as Shigemaru spoke. “I think this place is amazing, you know. Where else can people from all corners of Yamauchi gather and share their views and opinions with each other? If we weren’t here at the Monastery, neither of us would have had the chance to speak to each other normally like this, right?”

“Yes, absolutely. You’re right……”

“We’ve been given such a rare chance, so think of it this way—it’ll be for your own sake to try to get along with others,” Shigemaru said with a laugh. “Breaks aside, we gather to study together almost every day in an empty room of the second building. Want to come along? Everyone will be happy to see you.”

At that moment, Akeru’s heart was terribly touched by Shigemaru’s carefree words.

By the time Akeru returned to his own room with the doctor’s permission, one of his two followers had already vanished. He hadn’t given it much thought before, back when they had that talk, but his grades had always been much worse than Akeru’s. Most likely, he had genuinely reached his limit, incapable of keeping up with life as a trainee any longer.

Akeru fretted about it for a while but, by the time night came, he had decided to head to the second building. Once actually there, it didn’t take him long at all to find the room where the study group was held—the sliding door wasn’t only open, but the voices coming from the room were exasperatingly loud.

“I can’t do this anymore! I don’t understand it at all.”

“Get your shit together! Now that glasses dude has found out about it, we can’t just go and copy Yukiya’s homework wholesale anymore!”

“Look, I’m telling you. As long as you memorize the warfare records1, it’s just a matter of applying it all afterwards,” Akeru heard a tired Yukiya say. An onslaught of angry yells followed right after.

“Like that’s easy, you freaking bastard!”

“There’s no way we can memorize those things just like that!”

“By the way—how did you even do it to begin with?”

“I just read it normally? That was it, really.”

“See, here it comes!”

“This is why I cannot stand quick learners!”

Warfare records were a register of what movements were executed by which pieces and when during a Board Drill for later examination, and, by the sound of it, they were trying to finish their Strategy homework. Akeru took a deep breath, steeling his resolve before finally standing by the door frame.

“For warfare records, you should first pin down the Officers’ moves. Infantry movement always uses them as the starting point.” The group, who had been about to collectively throw their textbooks out and get a swing at Yukiya, turned to look at Akeru. Their mouths were wide open.

“...... Akeru?”

“What are you doing here?”

Although both Shigemaru and Yukiya smirked at the scene, neither stepped out to support him. Alongside the wall was Chihaya too, quietly taking care of his own homework all by himself, but he didn’t even bother to glance at him.

Akeru lightly licked his lips, dry out of sheer nerves, and surveyed the faces of those inside before speaking, “I was wondering if, maybe, it would be possible for me to join the study group as well. I know it may sound wrong of me to say but, well, if it’s theory I should be able to help a little. Of course, that’s if you’re all fine with it……”

By the end, he was tapering off.

Akeru knew perfectly that his attitude so far had been anything but pleasant for the people gathered there. He cast his eyes downwards in fear of their reaction when, out of the blue, one of the boys lying on the floor jumped towards him and took him by the shoulders.

“Welcome, professor.”

“Eh?”

“We may actually be able to understand what you’re saying. At least, more than with that Yukiya bastard,” he ruthlessly added.

“Mean,” Yukiya murmured. He was the only one to protest.

“We can’t figure out any of it! At this rate, we’ll end up dropping out.”

“No matter how many times we listen to Yukiya’s explanations, none of them make any sense to us. You’re our last hope.”

Akeru’s eyes were left wide open—their reaction wasn’t anything like what he had expected. 

“...... You’ll forgive me?”

“Not like there’s anything to forgive.”

His fellow trainees, all commoners for the most part, traded glances. “It would be a lie to say we don’t have our own feelings about you, but desperate times call for desperate measures.”

“If you help us so we don’t drop out, we’ll consider all accounts settled.”

“So, less grumbling, more teaching! The due date for these is tomorrow and we haven’t gotten anything done yet.”

Akeru wasn’t quite sure if he should be glad at their reaction or not, but Shigemaru burst into laughter. “In short, no hard feelings!”

After that, Akeru spent the rest of the evening teaching theory to his peers. Yukiya’s explanations proved to be awful and their current situation was beyond subpar, but, thanks to Akeru’s efforts, they ended up being able to solve a lot of the questions with ease. In the end, his overjoyed, frantically crying students were imploring him to come again the next day.

“Tired?” Shigemaru asked him on the way back.

Akeru shook his head. “No, thank you for inviting me. It was fun.”

It had been the first time in his life someone thanked him like that. It was invigorating beyond belief. On top of that, there were many among the study group who were accomplished at Horsemanship and, as a show of gratitude, they had offered to help him practice the horse-rider switch during the next break. Akeru was genuinely glad he had joined them.

——There was, however, a matter much more important than his participation in the study group. One he had left for later.

“Chihaya, do you have a moment?”

Akeru called out to him just as he had left the empty room, heading towards his own. There was clear suspicion on Chihaya’s face, but he nevertheless followed him to a corner of the hallway without ever uttering a word.

“I’ve given you a lot of trouble with the latest incident. Allow me to apologize again,” Akeru bowed.

“I don’t mind,” Chihaya answered just the same way as before.

“But I do mind. You could have also ended up gravely injured if anything else had gone wrong, and now there are weird rumors going around. I’ve been thinking a lot about if there was something I could do to pay you back.”

Chihaya’s expression became slightly troubled, but Akeru kept talking without paying it any mind. “Despite your bad relationship with Kimichika, you came to the Monastery through the Minami-Tachibana’s recommendation, right?”

“..... You investigated me?”

“I’m sorry, but yes. Back when I lost against you during our first match, my followers checked your family register in the census, as well as your general background, and came to inform me. That’s when I heard that you have a little sister and her health is poor, so you couldn’t refuse the Minami-Tachibana’s assistance. When Kimichika intimidated you during your fight that one time, he meant your sister, right?”

In a matter of seconds, Chihaya’s expression went entirely blank.

“I’m fully aware it was presumptuous of me to do so. That said, let me ask you something else. Would you let me assist you with that?” Chihaya didn’t reply to his question. “You must loathe this situation, having your sister essentially be a hostage to Kimichika. This is just as a way of apology, there are no ulterior motives or anything,” Akeru emphasized. “It’s all out of pure goodwill, I mean it.”

Up until then, Akeru had only taken advantage of his own position and the power his birth had given him. He had done nothing but act arrogantly in front of people like Chihaya or Shigemaru. However, he had no plans to commit the same mistakes and misuse his power anymore. He wanted to follow Yukiya’s advice. This would be a good first at using his influence in the correct way, or so he thought.

“The Western House will support you, if you wish so, and we’ll take good proper care of your sister too. It’s not like you want to be under Kimichika either. Right, Chihaya?”

Chihaya opened his mouth after a long silence.

“That’s right,” he murmured in a self-deprecating tone. “That much is true. I’m not receiving the Minami-Tachibana’s aid because I like it that way.”

“Then!” Akeru said enthusiastically.

The look in Chihaya’s eyes, however, was as cold as ice.

“——It’s as I thought. You’re just like Kimichika.” Just like that, Chihaya turned his back on him and quickly left the place behind. Akeru had no time to stop him.

…… Did he just anger him?

Frozen in place, Akeru watched Chihaya as he vanished into the distance.

“But, why?” He couldn’t even imagine the reason behind Chihaya’s anger.

Next: Chihaya (Part 1)

—————————————

1: Warfare Records is my take on Senpu (戦譜), which is in itself a reference to Kifu (棋譜). Kifu is the word for records of abstract strategy games like Shogi or Go, which can be used to fully replicate a game. Each game has their own notation methods.

[bitchypuppystarlight]

Early on in my career a well-known actor from a show on Nickelodeon cried to me for over an hour because they no longer made enough in active or residual pay to qualify for insurance and they didn’t know what they were going to do.

Fans came up to them everyday asking for autographs and talking about how great it must have been to be famous and the whole time they couldn’t afford their medication.

I’ve never forgotten them and I sincerely hope they’re alright.

[doctorsiren]

I loved your headcannons about inukawa, reigen and reigens sister and I would really like to see what you think would happen if mob and reigens sister met and I was wondering if you could possibly draw them :D

hello yes I accidentally made a comic after seeing this ask yesterday 😁 bro psychoanalyzed her 😨

[hplonesomeart]

Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye

[luinhealthcare]

HANG ON WIND PASSED OUT AFTER WITNESSING HIS FIRST INTUBATION??? HOW DID I MISS THIS???

That’s hilarious ngl my friends are all squeamish and one of them gagged at just me describing what an intubation is 😭

I think I originally wrote in that post 100 years ago that he passed out seeing a trauma surgery, but you know what traumatic intubation can be nasty too.

The person ate before they were intubated. And it wasn’t pretty.

[the-casbah-way]

i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry

[canichangemyblogname]

I love being forced to back up my industry knowledge because my coworker insists on taking a cis man’s word over my own.

There are certain restrictions on how a government office can and cannot communicate starting about 100 days before the election. We cannot send out mass mailers, for example, even if those mailers are about an upcoming grant deadline for a community block grant. We can, however, mail someone a consumer complaint form if they ask for it to be mailed to them.

The state does not want people to accidentally misconstrue official state activities with campaign activities. So we also could not go door-to-door with brochures on the Department of Aging’s Community Care Program.

There is essentially a ban on solicitations, but not a ban on any government activity. So, we can have a booth at a community event and display—as opposed to hand out and solicit—info on government programs.

A different manager of a different office told my colleague that they had been told by the communications department that we cannot HAND OUT—as in, hand deliver door-to-door or pass out en masse—brochures. My colleague has now stopped me from handing—literally physically providing upon asked—people necessary information on government programs because of this. Because “hand out” can mean many things and without an official memo, people interpret it differently.

I have been in this industry for eleven years now. I know the difference between HAND OUT and handing.

[sailforvalinor]

.

[kavehater]

Every time my mum throws yet another hissy fit although I can understand she’s being stupid and I let her yap to her hearts content cause she can never quit complaining, for some reason I’m so mildly bothered that the irritation makes me angry at every other thing.

For example : the fact that so and so hasn’t responded in 51 years, fifty more people haven’t even given so much as a single darn to ask why I haven’t replied yet or use those two brain cells of theirs currently fighting for third place to realise huh, maybe she’s going through a hard time ! Maybe you know like a decent fucking human being I could leave her a little note saying she can answer whenever she feels fit enough to do so but that I care for her, and the fact that I am irate by how care and compassion is offered on a silver platter to so many yet for me I have to beg and do the most absurd and pathetic displays to achieve even the slightest speck of kindness, and if I DONT do all of that in the one in a trillion possibility of me receiving kindness for free it makes me so disgusted and afraid because why the fuck would you do that, in fact why the fuck would anyone even do that even if I gave them my whole heart and soul anyways. All I am is less than dirt by way of reason given how I have been treated, and although I’m unsure as to why I am and that I can never fully understand the reason for why I’m not worth a single thing, and why I am worthless, i understand that that’s how the world works and I ought to adapt to my role and take it because nobody will stop for me