#dom is part of why but not a major reason. im used to not having dom a lot even if earth didnt have dom often lol

[fatickono]

should i join earth flight…. i’m really considering it ….

[hecalledme-jagi]

(I saw your tags and I have to say, don’t feel bad about sounding bitter BC IM THE SAME WAY 🤣 I’m a Mystic Messenger Stan, and I’ve raged about how my fave ML deserves so much more than what he’s received. In my humble opinion it’s correct to defend our boys into the grave LOL)

EXACTLY! The entire reason I fell in love with Artem was bc he’s (supposed to be) a complete dork! Like when he tried, and miserably failed at, telling a joke??? And Rosa laughing bc she understood what he was trying to do??? That scene lives in my brain rent free bc it’s so Artem and so stupidly sweet and so unbelievably funny. Or him taking notes on an office romance show? I LOVE HIM 😭 and the way he gave Rosa an opportunity to reject him is EVERYTHING! To bring up Vyn and Luke as comparisons again, both leads try to make a decision for Rosa or in Vyn’s case, try to get her opinion to sway in their favor. Luke tried to make Rosa reject him, which obviously didn’t go according to plan, and Vyn got the outcome he wanted because he facilitated an environment where Rosa could fall in love with him. Both leads start their relationship on very very rocky footing, but as their respective relationships mature, they get healthier. Whereas with Artem, he was simply Artem. He was himself in all his insecurity, awkwardness, and dorkiness. Rosa very naturally came to love Artem exactly where he was at. And this is a big reason why I’ve always believed that if Rosa was to ever date someone in the Main Story, it would be Artem. He takes care of her in a way the other leads(still can’t speak for Marius) don’t and they have a mutual respect for each other that can easily lead to a much deeper relationship than work partners.

UGH AND YOU’RE SO RIGHT ABOUT NEIL! I hadn’t noticed it until you mentioned it, but now that you have I can’t unsee it! Neil was such a huge part of Artem’s life and a good majority of his early stories mention him at least once. That just goes to show how important Neil is to Artem. It shows how devastated Artem would be if Neil betrayed NXX. Of course, there is the possibility that Artem’s grieving heart somewhat healed, during the course of his relationship with Rosa, but if the writers wanted to express that sort of development it should’ve been shown to us rather than dropping Neil without a word.

Artem being an insane freak is such a weird idea and I’m not sure how I feel about it being our current reality 🤣 I ranted about this recently, but one of my favorite things about Artem is the way he looks at Rosa. It’s such a tender and gentle gaze that clearly communicates how much he cherishes Rosa, long before they even start dating. It completely counteracts the Cold CEO expression that he wears when he’s working AND the idea that he’s a daddy dom! Instead, it openly communicates to the viewer that he is the farthest thing from cold and domineering. ALSO the fact that the writers are trying to convince us of Artem being a freak is completely shattered when they give is normal Artem behavior! Like in the Cue the Champion event, they mention that Artem keeps a polite distance from Rosa whenever they’re in public, which signals to me that he’s still very shy about openly displaying his affection for Rosa. Or in his Belle Nuit d’Amour card when he got embarrassed about his mom seeing them kiss! Sure, they can have moments alone while in public, but past records have shown that Artem is usually only comfortable with holding hands, maybe a peck, and I loved that for him. If the writers really wanted to increase the amount of physical affection between Artem and Rosa, there are so many different ways they could’ve done it. Using Luke again as an example, Rosa and Luke are very awkward in the beginning of their relationship bc they’ve been friends for so long, but over the course of their relationship they naturally become more physically affection with each other in a way that differed from their friendship. The Lukeout, Fire! Event is a prime example of how openly affectionate the pair are without crossing over into weird territory. It’s just simple, and more realistic, forms of affection.

Good to hear the 3rd anni card isn’t entirely awful, tho I do fear a boring story LOL

You came up on my recommended feed at the perfect time bc I have Artem brainrot rn AND YOUR ANALYZATION OF ARTEM’S CARDS ARE FANTASTIC! I’m one of the few players that avoids most CN server spoilers, and I’ve been abstaining from pulling most cards so I can pull for 3rd anni(which now I’m kinda questioning if I should LOL), so I missed out on a TON of content for all of the male leads. BUT, from the very few cards I had pulled this past yr, I did notice an odd shift in Artem’s personality. Although, I wasn’t too sure if it was just me being dumb or if it was a real thing that was happening. And after reading some of your posts I kinda want to re-read Artem’s Second Anni Card again bc I was so excited for the artwork from that event, that I didn’t pay much attention to the story LOL However, now that I’ve seen what you’ve said and what many other Artem fans have said, I’m sure my feelings weren’t wrong. And now I’m sad 😢

Artem was my favorite bc his relationship with Rosa felt the healthiest and was built on respecting each other’s boundaries, learning how to set boundaries, and working as a team, while also having a more traditional framework of a male leadership role(which I’m extremely fond of). Artem never restricted Rosa from spreading her wings as his work partner or as his life partner, he simply asked if he could come along beside her where ever she wanted to go. AND LIKE HIS ORIGINAL PERSONAL STORY IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THIS BEHAVIOR! Rosa makes a reckless decision to go get evidence, without Artem, for a the domestic violence case they were working on and almost gets hurt in the process. After that, Artem scolds Rosa for being reckless and for not taking better care of herself. And Rosa doesn’t take it lying down either! They equally argue and get their grievances out in the open, feel bad about later, and apologize. (THE COMMUNICATION IS SO REAL 😩) FURTHERMORE! This incident leads them to learning and understanding how differently they work as lawyers. Artem learns that Rosa is a lot more personal with her clients and handles her cases with an empathetic approach, while he works more pragmatically, so through this case they learn to work to each other’s strengths as partners, covering for what the other person lacks. And the chapters this incident took place in solidified my growing love for Artem bc unlike Luke or Vyn(I’m not sure about Marius bc admittedly I haven’t read his original personal story 😅), Artem doesn’t hinder Rosa by being overprotective like Luke or push her beyond her capacities like Vyn tried to do in his original personal story. Artem allows a natural course of growth to occur in Rosa, while being a hedge of protection for Rosa BUT ONLY when she seems to REALLY need it, and the same can be said for Rosa towards Artem.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, sorry for ranting 😅

WAHHH YOU'RE TOO KIND!! ;_; thank you so much for the sweet words, it really means a lot!!! i'm so so happy you enjoyed my ranting and raving, honestly having a community of super awesome people to talk about this with has been such a comfort and ive made some awesome friends from my time here, even if we don't chat as much anymore!

and omg, do NOT ever feel bad for ranting in my inbox!!!! i've been ranting about tot in the main tag for two years at this point and i will Always be thrilled to read delightfully written meta such as yours!!!!!

i have to say, i entirely agree with all of this. and i mean ALL OF IT. his personal stories 2, 3, and 4 are my absolute favorites of his and gosh that's like. prime artem to me, i think. your ask reminded me of some meta i read such a long while ago about his second personal story (link can be found here, it's SUCH a good read)

i think a huge issue is that artem originally always felt like the antithesis to your typical daddy dom boss character. when you start playing tot, appearances wise, he looks and even comes across as one. but these initial appearances are quickly shattered.

he is absolutely inexperienced with interpersonal relationships. he fumbles the bag CONSTANTLY with rosa. he's terrible at holding conversation, he's constantly apologizing for being boring. he needs his own fucking boss to wingman (haha. wing) for him. he blushes if mc looks at him the wrong way. he's kinda strange. but he's earnest and genuine. he respects rosa's boundaries. he makes mistakes, but learns from them. he gives rosa time to think over her feelings for him so she can still say no to him if she changes her mind.

it's the contrast between this and his initial appearance that makes him interesting. what is extremely bizarre with artem's recent writing is it feels like someone who only read artem's introduction scene got some vague pointers and was like oh. your typical daddy dom boss guy. okay yeah i can write this. and then they did. which . defeats the whole entire point of what made artem compelling in the first place. he was compelling BECAUSE he subverted this trope. by just making him play the trope straight, you remove any and all intrigue from his character.

by not building off of older cards, you abandon all of the plot lines he had set up. they undid any angst in his stories. they dropped his issues with his parents. they downplayed neils impact on his life. he doesn't even grieve for him anymore. he doesnt even think about him most of the time. what happened to entwined fate? praying for neil's safety? what about neil being his father figure? neil potentially betraying the nxx? are we just going to ignore that now so we can watch artem be an insane freak who just apparently woke up with the skills of a sex god, forgot all of the lessons he learned, and doesnt care about consent anymore?

god, now IM ranting.... regardless. youre so right. i hear artem's newest cards are good so im praying those rumors are true : ((

EDIT: SORRY I MEANT TO TALK ABOUT HIS THIRD ANNIVERSARY CARD!!! it's not as bad as his second anniversary card. i know the bar is in hell but it's something. it's pretty contrived in the grand scheme of things (like why are they moving into a house...?) and has some weird moments, but is ultimately not as bad as it could have been in the slightest. i'd say its biggest crime is being boring as sin. holy fuck. i put that shit on 2x speed and i still found myself wanting to fast forward. like nothing happens at all???? it's so bizarre HAHA

[kyovtani]

𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 – 𝒊𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒛𝒖𝒎𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒋𝒊𝒎𝒆

࿏ pairing: iwaizumi hajime x chubby female reader ࿏ genre: fluff, smut, angst; best friends to lovers!AU ࿏ word count: 11.6k (at this point i have no explanation, im sorry) ࿏ warnings: swearing, mentions of body image issues, self doubts, anxiety, bullying, fat shaming; as well as violence and blood (iwa gets into a fight mwah); ddlg (daddy dom-little girl) dynamics, soft dom!iwa, body worship, praising, sugarcoated degradation, spitting, choking, fingering, face riding, unprotected sex

࿏ Summary: After four years of trying to get over your stupid crush on your best friend, said male finally comes back home and all of a sudden all of those plans are thrown overboard...

Even though you‘ve known about it for so long now, you still feel your heart skip a beat when Matsukawa mentions his return to Japan and no matter how hard you try to, you can‘t help the way the disgusting mixture of anxiety, nervousness and excitement starts filling your veins.

After all it‘s been literal years since you‘ve last seen him.

Iwaizumi Hajime, former Seijoh Ace, now freshly majored athletic trainer, your best friend of ten years and — love of your life.

However, of course he doesn‘t know about the latter and as pathetic as it may sound, you‘re quite proud of yourself for hiding your feelings for him so well that he hasn‘t suspected anything in all these years the two of you have been friends.

Of course it‘s painful and basically nothing but literal torture to watch the guy you‘ve lost your heart to years ago, move on with his life thinking he‘s nothing but a friend to you, but you know you‘d always choose this pain over the one of rejection and shame.

Because after all you‘re not his type or what he looks for in a partner and you're very much aware of it.

And no matter how many times you daydream about a life as his girlfriend, you won’t ever forget about the fact that Iwaizumi Hajime, basically a literal athlete, would never date someone who looked like you.

Growing up on the bigger side, physically wise, has always been difficult and something you're struggling with to this day. You had always hoped for those extra pounds to disappear once you hit puberty, just like it had happened to all of your friends but those hopes were quickly destroyed when you still found yourself hiding from full length mirrors to avoid having to look at your own body in your third year of High School.

By the time you turned eighteen, you had tried every kind of diet in hopes of losing weight but all of them just ended with you losing motivation and every bit of your happiness and even though you still struggle with it in your mid-twenties, you‘ve come to terms with it.

This is who you are and despite taking literal decades to realize it, you‘ve slowly but surely started accepting it.

However, when it comes to relationships, you‘ve given up completely.

After years and years of being rejected, hidden, fat shamed and disrespected by men who hated their own attraction to bigger women, you stopped wasting your time and energy on dating. If you wanted to hear someone shame you for being big, you could just go home to your family or back in your memory to remember all those mean things the skinny girls in your school had thrown at you.

Or you could just look in the mirror and let your brain do the job after eating literally anything.

Just thinking about a guy like Iwaizumi looking at you in that way has you chuckling coldly and every time you imagine confessing to him, it ends with a broken heart on your side because your brain loves to keep things realistic and never once have you considered the possibility of him liking you back.

It‘s not that Iwaizumi, or any of the Seijoh Volleyball boys, have treated you badly or even slightly differently in the three years you were their manager, but after having to deal with fat shaming your whole life, it has become quite difficult for you to believe that anyone found you attractive at all.

Especially people like the widely known Seijoh third years who also happen to – still – be your closest friends.

And unfortunately, as glad as you are that Iwaizumi remains rather oblivious to your year-long crush on him, the other boys, including the professional athlete to be, Oikawa Tōru who’s currently living his best life in Argentina are pretty much aware of your feelings for the trainer.

So, just as usual whenever the topic of Iwaizumi Hajime enters the conversation between the other two, you’re met with pitying stares from Takahiro and a lot of teasing coming from Issei. But at this point you’ve gotten quite used to it and don’t mind the brunette���s words, whereas you still find yourself growing absolutely annoyed at the way Makki stared at you.

“Stop staring at me like that, Hiro!”, you hiss and roll your eyes, the pity in his face so evident, if you didn’t know any better you’d think he’s mocking you.

“Just confess to him already!”, the strawberryblonde hisses, running one of his pale hands through his locks before he takes a big sip from his beer.

“Yeah, sure!”, you spit back, your words dripping in sarcasm and annoyance as you try to avoid your chest from growing even heavier at the thought of your best friend coming back after all those years.

“He broke up with that blondie months ago”, Matsukawa begins, his naturally sleepy gaze roaming your face attentively, “and he’s coming back to Japan. Now you really have no excuse left, Y/N”, and just as usual his words hit the right spot and all you can do is let out a shaky sigh before the intensity of your insecurities breaks down onto you like a huge wave.

“I‘m not his type, Mattsun”, you hiss, the bitter taste of reality coating the muscle of your tongue in the worst way possible, “and I‘ve had enough males reject and– or fat shame me. If I have to add Hajime to that list as well, it’s going to break me.”

You feel the two males’ soft gazes on you, whereas you can‘t help but focus on the napkin in between your fingers in hopes of distracting yourself from all those dark thoughts by nervously pulling at it.

“Iwa‘s not like that, Y/N”, Makki replies, brows furrowed in irritation; something you've grown quite used to seeing whenever the topic of your body image issues occured.

“Has he ever dated a big girl before, hm?”, you reply and look at him with arched brows and your lips pressed into a thin line. At the lack of response from the two men in front of you, you just lean back and nod.

“That‘s the point”, you take another deep, shaky breath; the tears threatening to spill from your glossy eyes at the thought of your pretty faced best friend and only men in your heart, “nobody likes women who look like me in that certain way, my loves. Every guy I‘ve been and slept with wanted to hide me or the relationship we had because they didn‘t want to be seen with a big girl.”

Suddenly you‘re hit with the memory of all those times you went home after any kind of intercourse with a male who had brought your hopes up with sugarcoated lies. Only to receive a harsh reality check when they asked you to not tell anyone about it, knowing it‘s simply because of the fact you aren‘t part of society‘s beauty standards.

“Y/N, we-”, “I‘m not talking about you two”, you‘re quick to interrupt Hanamaki, giving him a soft smile, “I know you don‘t care about it and sometimes I find myself wishing I would have fallen for one of you instead of the professional trainer”, you let out an empty, coldhearted chuckle before you finish your glass of wine in one go.

“I would fuck you without hesitation”, Mattsun shrugs, his plump lips stretching into a playful smirk and the tiny hint of seriousness in his gaze has you rolling your eyes with a soft scoff.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Issei”, Makki hisses and gives his best friend the same reaction as you.

“What? I‘m being serious! You know this isn‘t the first time I‘m offering this to you, pretty one”, the brunette replies and this time you can‘t help but chuckle softly at his words, showing him your appreciation for his ability to make such heavy topics vanish from the surface so easily.

“Thank you, Issei but that guy I met on Tinder has been ghosting me for two weeks after we fucked and that‘s why I‘ve had enough dick for now”, and just when you let your gaze roam over the brunette‘s handsome face, you watch Hanamaki‘s face brighten up suddenly and furrow your brows in confusion.

“Hearing Y/N talk about dick is definitely not what I was expecting to come back to but it‘s surely a surprise!”

And upon hearing the familiar voice of your best friend, you understand the reason behind the change in Makki’s expression.

You watch the other two get up from their chairs, approaching the freshly majored trainer with the biggest smiles plastered on their faces whereas you try your best to stay as calm as possible.

However, the simple thought of Iwaizumi coming back had already stressed you out and having him stand behind you in all his glory made the tightness in your chest and the struggle to take proper breaths intensify just like that.

After what feels like an eternity you finally get yourself to stand up as well, turning around literally convinced you‘re ready to see him again after all these years only for it to be the exact opposite.

Your heart skips a whole beat at the sight of Iwaizumi and for a quick second you feel yourself getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen in your lungs.

“Hey”, he mumbles, his voice deep and raspy, something you‘re used to since the two of you have been talking regularly on the phone over the time yet hearing it in person again sends a jolt of hot arousal right into your core.

You nervously let your eyes roam his face; taking in the sight of his features, which have become even sharper during his absence. A soft sigh falls past your lips when you find the little scar right underneath his eyebrow which he had gotten back in middle school during one of his volleyball practices. The familiarity and feeling of security in the soft expression of his pretty, dark green eyes calms you down in an instant and by the time you feel your muscles ease up a bit, he‘s already approaching you with open arms.

Different than you’ve expected from yourself, you‘re quick to wrap your arms around his slim waist, taking him into your embrace with the intention of never letting him go again and at the feeling of his big hands on your body, you can‘t help but tear up a little.

You sniffle softly against the crook of his neck, Iwaizumi letting out a breathy chuckle at your sweet reaction as he caresses your back gently, subconsciously massaging your soft flesh to calm you down even more.

“Seems like someone missed me a lot more than she wanted to admit on the phone, hm?”, Iwa mumbles softly, placing the sweetest kiss on the top of your head as he holds you tight.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki let out a row of deep chuckles, partly laughing at your obvious reaction and partly because of their best friend‘s blatant oblivion.

“Shut up”, you reply with a sniff, taking in the light yet intense smell of his aftershave as well as the scent of detergent you had missed oh so much.

“Enough now, Y/N”, Mattsun huffs, “you can cuddle his stupid ass some other time, let‘s catch up with Mister America”, he adds and you know too well the tall brunette simply does it to stop you from falling even further into this dark hole you‘ve dug yourself; all those years ago.

Throughout the whole night, you stay rather quiet; listening to Iwaizumi‘s stories, more so to his voice but definitely his stories, too.

And every time he mentions some random girl he hooked up with or one of his ex girlfriends, you can literally feel the way he‘s avoiding your gaze; his eyes moving away from your face to focus on the guys as his voice turns a little less enthusiastic. You try your best not to read anything into it, knowing he‘s always been more hesitant towards you when it came to topics like this and in some way you find yourself appreciating it because it definitely helps to make the pain in your chest a little less heavy.

The atmosphere between the four of you remains calm; the familiarity something you‘ve always missed despite you and the other two boys spending just as much time together as you used to back in High School. Having Iwaizumi in your little circle again definitely has changed the air and it‘s in times like these you realize just how close you all actually are.

However, when Hanamaki and Matsukawa both stand up, cigarettes firmly placed between their plump lips, telling the two of you to give them a few minutes, you feel yourself slowly wandering into a state of anxiousness and slight panic.

It‘s not like you haven‘t talked to him alone during his stay in America, but the thought of having to look him in the eyes as you speak has always been something you‘ve struggled with.

Iwaizumi has this certain expression in his beautiful, dark green eyes, which makes it so much harder to not fall for him even more.

You don‘t know if it‘s the confidence and lack of insecurity or the mixture of softness and home which have the butterflies in your stomach go absolutely crazy.

Neither of you say anything for a good minute, your eyes glued to your phone screen which continuously lights up; Oikawa‘s name appearing several times.

You excuse yourself to give the professional athlete the responses he‘s waiting for, rolling your eyes at his way of telling you to shoot your shot at Iwa and “get that D”.

“Are you still talking to that one guy you told me about?”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his eyes never once leaving yours and with a soft chuckle, you shake your head; enjoying the amount of protectiveness dripping from his words.

“We fucked and then he ghosted me”, you say casually, not realizing that it‘s not one of the other two boys you‘re talking to and with a soft gasp of embarrassment you try to mumble your way out of the situation.

“Iwa, I‘m-”, “Why the fuck would he even do that? Give me his fucking address so I can introduve his kneecaps to my baseball bat”, he‘s quick to interrupt you harshly, his tone filled with anger as his eyes gleam with wrath.

“It‘s okay”, you smile softly, placing your hand on his balled fists to calm him down again, “he told me not to tell anyone that we did it so his intentions have never been good. And on top of that – his dick game was so bad, I didn‘t even get to finish but had to take care of it myself, so it‘s definitely not worth the headache.”

You watch Iwaizumi‘s expression darken even further, his beautiful dark green eyes roaming your face with irritation oozing from his gaze and for a second you like to believe that there‘s even a hint of jealousy in between all those intense emotions but just as usual you find yourself shaking it off rather quickly.

“Why did he ask you not to tell anyone? What the fuck is even wrong with that guy?”, the brunette spits, downing the rest of his beer in one go.

You know why he‘s this angry and at this point you can’t even blame him anymore. Iwaizumi has never really understood why you put up with guys who treated you like absolute shit; continuously telling you how you deserved so much better and even though you wanted to agree, you simply couldn‘t. Because in your head, all those men who were ashamed of being with you yet still found their way to your door were exactly what was meant to be your life.

“Because being with a woman like me isn‘t anything he‘s proud of, Iwa”, you sigh, the words heavy and bitter on your tongue as you struggle to voice the hard reality.

“A woman like you?”, he replies and you see the genuine confusion on his handsome face, making his oblivion sweet almost.

“A big woman, Iwaizumi. Guys don‘t date big girls because we don‘t fit into society‘s beauty standards so being with us is something they‘re ashamed of because God forbid someone thinks they find us attractive“, you nervously play with the hem of your skirt, not having the courage to look into his face as those thing leave your lips, too embarrassed to meet his usually so welcoming and soft, but now wrath-filled gaze.

“That‘s bullshit”, Hajime is quick to spit back, hating the way you belittle yourself like that because of a random guy.

You smile, a soft scoff falling past your lips before you take a sip from the glass in front of you and even though you know you‘re going to regret those words, you still can‘t get yourself to stop from leaving you.

“Then why have you never dated a big girl, Haji?”, your voice is slightly shaky yet you remain the eye contact like a champion, never once averting your gaze from his handsome face even though the thrumming of your heart in your throat makes it so much more difficult to stay focused.

Iwaizumi seems taken aback; your words obviously hitting a place he wasn‘t expecting and that‘s when the feeling of guilt reaches its peak.

“I‘m not- It‘s not because I don‘t find them attractive I just- I uhm-”, the freshly majored professional trainer stumbles over his words like a two-year-old who just started learning how to speak and at the sight of a deep blush covering the apples of his cheeks as well as the tip of his nose and the whole of his neck, you let out a soft sigh.

“You don‘t have to explain yourself, Iwaizumi. I wasn‘t trying to accuse you of anything or offend you in any way, I promise. It’s just a topic I‘ve grown really tired of in the past few years”, you explain, making sure to choose your words carefully and when the tall male suddenly starts calming down again, you know you‘ve got him.

“Y/N, look-”, “Hey, Y/N the weak-dick-game guy is sitting at the bar with his ugly friends, just for your information”, Matsukawa‘s deep voice quickly cuts Iwaizumi off, his words sending shivers down your spine in the most disgusting way possible and with an almost painful roll of your eyes, you down the rest of your best friend‘s beer.

“Wait- What? Which one is it?”, Iwaizumi grunts, the calmness from a few seconds ago completely gone as you look at him with brows furrowed in slight irritation and annoyance.

“It doesn‘t matter, Iwa”, you say and wrap your fingers around his tattooed wrist, making him look into your eyes with another soft exhale, “he‘s not worth it. Just let it go.”

“Y/N, I said”, Iwaizumi is quick to place one of his big hands on your cheek, the dominance in his aura and the authority gleaming in his eyes has you gasping for air and just as usual you feel your panties growing wetter by the minute, “which one is it?”

His words don‘t leave room for protest; so strict and demanding, no matter how hard you try to think rationally, his naturally dominant persona has you submitting to him in a way no other guy has ever managed to.

“T-The one with the long, dark purple Hair”, you quickly reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s anger and determination.

“Good girl”, he mumbles and pulls away, not even aware of the way his praise has your cunt throbbing like crazy and you absolutely hate him for it.

For a second you can‘t even get back to reality, the haze of arousal and longing for the tall male standing in front of you completely taking over your consciousness.

However, as soon as your brain registers Makki‘s panicked voice, you‘re quick to snap back and without missing another beat, you grab Iwaizumi‘s arm and look at him with pleading eyes.

“Please don‘t make a scene”, you whisper, knowing oh too well how much he loves to get himself in trouble because of his friends.

“He fucked then ghosted you all that while saying he doesn‘t want anyone to know he was with you because you're a big girl? That ugly fucker needs a fucking reality check because he can count himself hella fucking lucky to ever get a go with a woman as amazing and hot as you”, Iwaizumi hisses, his words filled with anger yet so, so sweet that without giving it another thought, you simply let go and try not to show him just how flustered he‘s gotten you.

“Are you guys about to kiss right now?”, Matsukawa suddenly says and with an almost audible roll of your eyes you lift your hand up, showing him your middle finger before you watch Iwaizumi‘s brows furrow even further with visible irritation.

“Then don‘t fight him”, you sigh, “please, Hajime, don‘t get yourself in trouble for a guy who‘s not worth it.”

“We‘ll see about it”, is all he says before he moves out of your tight grip, leaving you to stand at the table like that.

You feel your heart picking up its pace at the sight of the love of your life approaching your ex-hook up; several worst case scenarios popping up in your head within a few short seconds. And unfortunately every single one ends with Hajime throwing his fist into the guy‘s face because of his raging anger issues; something he‘s been trying to handle throughout his whole life.

“Makki, please do something”, you whimper and look at the strawberryblonde with glossy eyes; shivers running down your spine at the sudden sound of Hajime's deep voice cutting through the music of the bar.

“Not into you my fucking ass”, Takahiro hisses and follows Iwaizumi with quick steps, whereas Matsukawa remains next to you, watching the scene unfold with the fattest, shit eating grin on his face.

And while you‘re worried about Iwaizumi‘s well-being, said male can‘t even seem to think straight. The only thing he manages to focus on is the raging anger and hot wrath rushing through his veins at the thought of some random, small dicked guy treating you like dirt. With every step he takes, it seems to get worse and at some point the professional trainer is worried about his physical health because of the pace his heart is hammering against his rib cage with.

Iwaizumi has always struggled to understand why you put up with males who are literally unworthy of your presence yet every time he had asked, you simply shrugged and told him that this was how you were meant to be loved. Behind closed doors, hidden away from the world by people who literally worship the society‘s beauty standard.

And all of that when you‘ve had him right in front of you for all those years, ready to love and worship every bit of your body and soul.

Of course for you to let him love you he might have had to tell you about his feelings but as the years passed by, Iwaizumi slowly started to lose every bit of hope he had left. During his four year long absence you‘ve had your fair share of boyfriends and after the third one, the only choice he had left was to force himself to move on or else he would have lost his mind.

It‘s not like he never wanted to confess during High School but there was just something holding him back. The thought of losing you was heavy on his chest especially because Iwaizumi was very well aware you didn‘t feel the same. So for his own sake he chose not to tell you about his feelings for you; not even bearing the mental image of going through such rough times without you by his side.

He‘s already lost count of the amount of times he wanted to scream at you about how he would treat you just how you truly deserved to be treated and not like those douchebags who liked to use you for their own pleasure just to throw you away like a used tissue once they were done.

And after not being able to physically do anything for you because of the distance, he‘s finally got the chance to show you that no, those guys‘ behavior is not okay and yes, putting them back into their place is absolutely worth the headache.

“Hey”, the trainer hisses, coming to stand directly in front of the tall, purple haired guy, Rin Matsuoka,  who‘s quick to harden his expression upon seeing the brunette.

“What can I help you with, big guy?”, Rin mumbles, placing his bottle of beer on the counter with his brows raised in curiosity.

Iwaizumi doesn‘t even waste another minute as he harshly grabs the collar of Rin‘sblack leather jacket, pulling him closer to himself. His friends  rather quickly, yet Hanamaki and this time even Matsukawa are faster, coming to stand right next to each one of them with their arms firmly placed in front of their bodies to stop them from intervening.

“You‘re gonna listen to me and you‘re gonna listen good, did you fucking hear me?”, and just like a few minutes ago, Hajime‘s voice is cold and distant, not leaving room for discussion all while making sure to keep his tight grip.

The confusion and immense irritation is clearly visible on Rin‘s features; brows furrowed, jaw tensed and eyes gleaming with some kind of unnameable anger.

And the longer you watch the situation unfold, the heavier the anxiety in your system becomes and as you struggle to take proper breaths, you find yourself approaching your best friends; not wanting him to get his hands dirty on a guy like Matsuoka.

“What the-”, “Iwa please, he‘s not worth it..”, you say and wrap your fingers around his wrist, trying to find his gaze with desperate eyes only for him to gulp harshly and calmly tell you to take a step back.

“You?”, Rin spits, his dark eyes boring into your side as you try to ignore him; the amount of humiliation and shame washing over your body way too overwhelming to handle.

“Haji, let‘s just go, please”, you whisper, taking his face into your hands, his skin literally burning underneath your fingertips.

“No, Y/N, this stupid bastard has to understand that you can‘t just go and treat women like absolute dirt and get away with it”, Iwaizumi moves out of your soft touch, making Rin shift his attention back on you before the deep voice of one of his friends cuts through the tension.

“What the fuck is he talking about, Rin? Do you know her?”, the blonde says, his tone rather degrading when talking about you and at the way his eyes roam your body with a rather opposed expression show you exactly why that‘s the case.

“N-No, I don‘t!”, he‘s quick to defend himself, his eyes shifting to his friends with sheer panic filling the dark color and you feel your heart sink and the disgusting feeling of shame rushing through your veins.

“You‘re such a fucking piece of shit, Rin”, you hiss and swallow your tears; the taste bitter as the realization of being sometjing to be ashamed of hits you yet again.

“You definitely weren‘t acting like this when you fucked me”, you add and roll your eyes, taking a step back as the anger overcomes you and you basically give Iwaizumi a silent free pass to do whatever the hell he needs to, “or better said – when you tried to. It wasn‘t like I came with your weak dick game anyway so..”

“You fucked that fat bitch? Oh, yikes”, the other friend suddenly says, his words hitting you in the face like literal bricks and before you can even take your next breath or shift your eyes to the face the voice belongs to, the guy suddenly falls to the floor, holding his bloody nose.

You let out a shocked gasp, your eyes falling to Hanamaki who‘s busy shaking his hand, his knuckles already reddened and slightly bruised as he looks at you with a satisfied grin, “no one gets to call my best friend a bitch.”

“I was full on drunk and- do you really think I‘d fuck her sober?”, Rin tries to talk himself out of it and with a cold chuckle you throw your head back.

“How the fuck dare you talk to her like that”, is the last thing Iwaizumi spits before he throws his fist right into Rin‘s face with a deep grunt.

Another loud shriek escapes your lips and suddenly the anger and anxiety seem to leave your body and a huge wave of adrenaline hits you at the sight of your ex-hook up falling to the floor and Iwaizumi quickly moving with him.

For what feels like a whole hour but is probably nothing longer than a minute, you‘re literally frozen; your eyes the only moving part of your body as you watch your best friends break their knuckles on the jaws of literal strangers to them.

The following hour passes by in a blur. You can‘t really remember how or who separated them from those guys, or how you got yourself to call an uber and manage to get the four of you to your flat.

By the time the adrenaline stops making the blood rush in your ear, you‘re taking care of Matsukawa‘s wounds with shaky hands; the two others holding ice packs to their faces to ease the swelling of their bruises.

“Stop sighing so much”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his dark eyes focusing the movements of your hands before he looks at you with a slightly softer expression, “we did what we had to do. And I‘m glad we did it. Those guys already looked so fucking punchable”, he explains and with a scolding scoff you press your lips to a thin line.

“You‘re back in Japan for how long? Two days? Yet already got yourself in trouble, a physical fight at that, Hajime. You‘re not your High School self anymore, start behaving that way, please”, you reply and hand Mattsun a plastic bag filled with ice cubes, softly caressing his bruised cheek before you stand up from your place on the floor.

“You got yourself one hell of a mouth while I was gone,  huh?”, he replies cockily, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue before he follows you into the bathroom.

You feel your body heating up at his words, the sexual tension laying underneath the surface slowly finding its way to you again and with a soft sigh, you ignore the brunette.

“How was I supposed to let him say all those things to you and not do anything, Y/N?”, Iwaizumi replies, a pouty word of gratitude leaving his lips when you take his big hand into yours and start cleaning up the blood on his bruised knuckles.

You try your best to stop your thoughts from wandering to sinful places yet images of those pretty, tattooed fingers wrapped around your throat and knuckle deep buried inside of your cunt have already filled your mind by the time you lower your gaze from his face.

“I‘m used to-”, “That does not make it okay, Y/N”, your best friend suddenly says, taking your chin in between his fingers to lift your head and look at you with those beautiful, dark green eyes.

“You deserve so, so much better and I‘m glad I can finally tell you this in person after all those years. Please stop letting douches like him take advantage of you”, he sighs, taking your hands into his and pulling you a little bit closer to himself.

“It‘s that or Matsukawa‘s cock and I‘d rather have a stranger emotionally pain me than my best friend, so-”, “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”, Iwaizumi interrupts you harshly, your words obviously irritating him.

“After my last boyfriend dumped me a year ago I‘ve only had casual flings because I got tired of using my hand to get off and Matsukawa offered to take care of it instead. But then again, it‘s just a lot less complicated with a stranger than it is with your best friend, that‘s why I‘m putting up with shit like this”, you explain to him and walk back into the living room where Mattsun and Makki are currently busy with your leftover take out from the previous night.

“So if it wasn‘t for that, you‘d let him fuck you?”, Iwaizumi‘s tone has turned cold again, the softness gone and replaced by something a little thicker and more intense than anger. And when you turn around to look at him, you see literal jealousy gleaming in the green color surrounding his iris, basically leaving you speechless.

“Why do you even care, Iwa?”, you reply, dramatically throwing your hands into the air as his tensed demeanor sends you in some kind of haze of irritation.

“Answer my fucking question, Y/N”, is all you get in response; the brunette closing the distance between the two of you with a few small steps and it‘s the lack of space between your faces that has you realizing just how unevenly he‘s breathing.

Your heart starts slamming against your rib cage with rather brutal pace, your head spinning from the sudden adrenaline shooting through your body and on top of all of it you feel your cunt clenching around nothing like crazy as Iwaizumi’s heavy scent fills your nose.

“Yes”, you say and feel your voice breaking, “yes, I would fuck Matsukawa because why not? Hm, Iwaizumi? There‘s nothing else stopping me from it other than-”, “You can‘t and won‘t fuck him”, he suddenly interrupts your outburst, his expression as dark as ever as he softly pushes you against wall.

“I think this is the moment where we‘re supposed to leave”, Makki mumbles, pulling Mattsun from the couch before they gather their things and leave the two of you to yourself.

As the silence surrounds the two of you, the tension grows even thicker, heavier, more present than before and with every breath you take you feel yourself growing more and more aroused.

“And why is that, hm? I can and will fuck whoever I want”, you spit back, trying so hard ot not let the arousal get to your head yet the disgusting urge to submit to Iwaizumi‘s naturally dominant personality slowly starts overwhelming you.

Hajime chuckles deeply, his eyes lazily roaming your face, pressing his strong body even further against yours as your head starts spinning more and more with every second passing by.

“Iwa…”, you whimper softly, throwing your head back and harshly digging gripping the soft fabric of his shirt; the close contact makes you a lot more nervous than before.

He slowly takes a deep breath before he bends down to let his nose graze your jawline, and eventually letting his mouth find its way to your ear.

“Because no one can fuck you like I can, pretty one”, Iwaizumi whispers, his voice a whole octave deeper than just a few seconds before and you hate the way every single one of his words sends a single, hot jolt of arousal right into your core.

“And”, you hear him inhale sharply, his hands finding their way to your hips, groping the soft flesh firmly in his palms before he takes a short break and then pulls away to look at you again, “no one can love you like I can.”

At the sound of those words, your eyes snap open within a second your heart skips a literal beat.

“W-What?”, you whisper, your throat completely dried up, your head desperately trying to process what he’s just said and just as your body is about to fall into some kind of haze, you feel yourself drowning in a wave of anxiety at the thought of having misheard him.

“I love you, Y/N”, Iwaizumi says just when those thoughts are about to take over you.

“Ha-Hajime…”, you mumble; your bottom lip starts to quiver as tears pricker at the corners of your eyes, the first few finding their way down your cheek in an instant.

A few seconds of silence pass in which you two just look at each other, Iwaizumi’s pupils blown out, cheeks tinted in the deepest shade of red and plump lips parted as he also tries to understand what just happened.

After all these years of imagining what it might be like to hear these kind of words from the love of your life, it’s finally become reality and the longer you look at him, the lighter the weight on your chest becomes.

“I’m sorry if I ruined our friendship with this but I just – couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. When I was in America I had promised myself to confess as soon as possible when I’m back so here I am. Those men don’t deserve you. Neither do I but I would have hated myself forever if I didn’t at least try. So”, he finishes his sudden explanation with another deep exhale before he takes a step back, his glossy eyes wandering from yours down to the floor, “thank you for everything and please take care.”

And fortunately your body acts a lot faster than your mind because while you still try to process his soft, sweet words – the words you’ve been dying to hear for so, so long – you find yourself tightening your grip on his shirt and pulling him back into you with a soft sob.

“I love you, too”, you whisper against his lips, pressing your forehead against his as your eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming warmth coming from his body.

“Fuck, baby”, Iwaizumi chuckles breathlessly, wrapping his arms around your body and burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I’m one lucky bastard, aren��t I?”

You smile brightly at his genuine and soft words, the feeling of coming home – a place you’ve longed for literal years – slowly breaks down onto you in the form of waves and for the first time in a really long time, you don’t mind being overwhelmed like that.

“So that means that you’re mine now?”, Iwaizumi whispers, pulling away and taking your face into his big hands, the smell of blood grazing your nose yet easily gets overshadowed by the way he’s looking at you as if you were holding the whole world in your hands.

You nod and move further into his touch, enjoying the feeling of being so safe and secure in one’s hands after not even feeling comfortable with anyone in years.

“T-Thank you for loving me, Iwa”, you gulp harshly, looking at him with teary eyes at the memory of all those who had managed to break your heart in the past years.

“No, baby”, he sighs, pressing the softest kiss right onto your lips, “thank you for letting me love you. When I say you’re literally everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I’m not even exaggerating because that’s what you are to me. A dream come true”, those are the last words Hajime mumbles before he pulls you into a proper kiss; not giving you the opportunity to reply.

The kiss starts off slow and calm. As if both of you were still trying to understand that this was actually happening because despite the hesitant movements, neither of you can hide the intense hunger lingering underneath every soft peck.

Iwaizumi, just as usual, lacks the patience to keep it going like that, not even trying to take it easier for even longer as he pulls your chin down and calmly pushes his tongue into your mouth, easily eliciting a soft moan from you. Your fingers find home in his brown curls, pulling at the thick strands and finally making him grunt right against your tongue; the deep sound sending vibrations and sweet little jolts of excitement through your whole body.

You slowly feel his hands wander; first starting off caressing your back, groping the soft flesh of your waist as well as the fingers of his right hand softly digging into your skin and for a second. You allow yourself to fall deeper and deeper into the perfect feeling of his touch until suddenly a mental image of his most recent ex-girlfriend pops up in your head and you stop functioning completely.

Iwaizumi lets his lips wander down your chin, placing a row of open mouthed kisses on your jaw before he moves to your neck and pulls the sensitive skin into his mouth without wasting another minute. The feeling of his hot tongue on your skin has your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you desperately try to distract yourself from your anxiety‘s attempt to ruin this for you.

You let out a soft whimper when Hajime wraps one of his big hands around one of your tits, harshly groping the flesh while rubbing his hard, clothed cock against your thick thigh.

His deep grunts and needy touches have you ruining your panties in no time to the point where the lacey fabric is literally sticking to your hot flesh in a rather uncomfortable way.

“Need you, baby”, Iwaizumi grunts, the movements of his hips rather sloppy and rushed yet so, so genuine and sweet, you can‘t help but smile softly.

“You got me, Haji”, you reply and take his handsome face into your hands, caressing his cheeks with your thumbs, “I‘m all yours.”

“Fuck, baby”, he moans and suddenly pulls away, his hands finding their way to the hem of your dress before he meets your eyes and wordlessly asks for your consent.

You give him a quick nod, pushing the voice of your anxiety all the way to the back of your head as Hajime slowly pushes the fabric up your thighs, revealing more and more skin before his eyes roll into the back of his eyes at the sight of your black lace panties.

He doesn‘t waste much time; quickly pulling the rest of it over your head and then taking a whole step back to let his greedy eyes roam your body with lust and nothing but adoration.

And when you realize your current, exposed state you take a deep breath to hold those insecurities back, however they‘re a lot faster than you are.

You nervously try to cover your naked body with your arms. Just the thought of him finding you and your body disgusting breaks your heart into pieces and with shivers of shame rushing down your spine, you lower your gaze.

“L-Look, I know it‘s not what you‘re used to and I- you don‘t have to touch me. I can just suck your cock or give you a handjob if you feel more comfortable that way”, you say, your voice a mere whisper and eventually breaking at the end when you give in to the tears.

“Baby…”, Iwaizumi sighs, pain evident in the tone of his voice. He calmly takes your wrists into his big hands before he pulls your arms away from your body, softly asking you to look at him and after what feels like an eternity, you manage to lift your head only to be met with nothing but warm, dark green eyes.

“You‘re fucking perfect”, he whispers and places a tiny little kiss on your lips, leaving you longing for more as he pulls away right afterwards, “there‘s literally nothing I would change about you.”

At the sound of those sweet words, you simply cannot hold back your tears any longer. You look at Iwaizumi with a quivering bottom lip as you let out a row of soft sobs; digging your nails into the skin of his wrists because you simply don‘t know what else to do.

For the first time in your life, your brain isn‘t protesting against a compliment and you know if it wasn‘t for him, there would be no way you‘d believe it.

“B-But your ex-girlfriends are the exact opposite and-”, “They don‘t matter, baby. You‘re you and it‘s all I could have asked for. I‘m in love with every part of your body and that has never been any different”, Iwaizumi interrupts you with his calm voice, placing his hands on your waist before one of them finds its way to your barely clothed ass.

“But-”, “No more buts”, the brunette says, a lot sterner and more determined, groping the flesh of your ass and then landing a firm spank on the soft flesh which has you whimpering into the crook of his neck.

Iwaizumi chuckles and pulls you into another deep kiss, sucking at your tongue, nibbling on your bottom lip all while his hands make sure to graze every bit of naked skin they can find. He pushes his leg in between your thighs, pressing it right against your cunt and without even wasting another second you find yourself grinding against the strong muscle. The fabric of his jeans rubs your throbbing clit in the best way possible, eliciting a row of needy whimpers from you.

You feel yourself soaking through the fabric of our lace panties and you know you‘re currently leaving a huge stain on Iwaizumi‘s pants but the pleasure clouding your mind makes it so easy to just ignore it.

“What a needy girl you are, baby”, Hajime mumbles, caressing the slightly dampened skin of cheeks with his thumb before he moves to graze your bottom lip and eventually pushes the digit into your open mouth.

Your lids fly open at the taste of his skin on your tongue, twirling the muscle around his thumb and then sucking on it softly, followed by some muffled moans of his name.

Iwaizumi watches you attentively for what feels like an eternity. His beautiful eyes wandering from the way you‘re rubbing your clunt against his clothed thigh to your perky nipples and then up to the way your lips look wrapped around his thumb like that and from the way his expression keeps growing darker and even hungrier, you know he‘s more than just enjoying your despair.

“I want to spit in your mouth”, he says, using the dominant tone you‘re oh so used to at this point and there‘s no way you‘d ever say no to him.

Something about being claimed in such a lewd way by the man you‘ve been dreaming of for years has you grinding your pussy into his thigh even harder; making sure to hit your clit with every rushed drag of your hips.

“Yes, p-please, Daddy”, you beg, not even overthinking any of your words as you part your lips and look at him with big, needy eyes.

When you notice the rather shocked and slightly overwhelmed expression on Iwaizumi‘s face, you gulp harshly, tilting your head to the side with your lips pushed into a concerned pout.

“What‘s wrong, Iwa?”, you whisper, way too scared of his response.

“You called me Daddy”, he replies and licks his plump lips, whereas you freeze completely at his comment.

“D-Did I? I‘m so sorry, Iwa”, the apology falls past your lips almost instantly at the realization because you know that not every guy is comfortable with such dynamic and even if Hajime definitely has a natural dominance to his personality, you should have waited a little longer before bringing this particular kink up.

“None of my boyfriends liked it and I don‘t like using it with completely strangers so I g-guess I just feel really safe with you and it slipped and I- oh, God, I‘m so sorry.”

You pull away from Iwaizumi with shaky hands, tears threatening to spill for the nth time within such a short period and you try your best to look everywhere but his eyes.

However, Iwaizumis seems to have other plans.

He takes your chin into his hand and pulls your face closer, nudges your nose with his own and then sucks your bottom lip into his mouth; making you whimper rather loudly.

“Say it again, baby”, he whispers, “tell Daddy how badly you want his spit.”

As his words echo inside of your brain, you let out a loud, high pitched whine, harshly trying to press your thigh further together ss the throbbing of your cunt becomes unbearable.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply, pushing his hand down to your neck and smiling softly when he wraps his pretty fingers around your throat, feeding right into every single fantasy you‘ve been imagining for so long, “spit in my mouth and on my cunt, I don‘t care. I just need it.”

“Good girl”, Iwa growls softly, “open up then, pretty one.”

You part your lips almost automatically at the sound of his demand, sticking your tongue out slightly and looking up at him with anticipation and such eagerness, if it wasn‘t for him, you would have never been as comfortable as this.

Iwaizumi smirks at you, keeping his grip on your throat firm but not too tight as he gathers his own saliva and spits into your mouth with a loud, lewd sound that sends shivers of pleasure straight down your spine and right into your core.

You can‘t stop your lips from stretching into a big smile when his taste coats the muscle of your tongue, swallowing it all in one go before you open your mouth yet again to show him it‘s all gone.

“Good fucking girl”, Iwaizumi praises you softly, caressing your cheek before he lets fo of your throat, “I got myself a perfect little doll, hm?”

“Thank you, Daddy”, you reply quickly, the intense urge to obey to his every word and submit to his every move absolutely overwhelming  at this point, but you would never want it any other way.

“Look at you, using your manners for me. You‘re welcome, princess. What about a little reward for being so good for me, baby? Wanna sit on my face so I can eat that pretty pussy of yours?”, Iwaizumi takes you hand into his, intertwining his fingers with yours before he guides you to the couch, letting himself fall into the soft cushion whereas you try your best not to panic at his words.

Of course the thought of having his mouth on your cunt is more than just tempting but you've never sat on a guy‘s face before; the fear of literally suffocating him with your weight making it impossible for you to even think about it.

“C-Can‘t you just eat me out like this, Daddy?”, you whisper, looking down to meet Iwa‘s hungry gaze and stopping him from pulling your panties any further down your thighs.

“I‘m too heavy”, the explanation follows right away, not wanting him to think it has anything to do with him or his wishes, “I don‘t want to hurt you.”

“Baby, I want you to sit on my face so I can eat your pretty pussy. That‘s it”, Iwaizumi says, his right hand finding the clasp of your bra and quickly getting rid of it before he takes both of your tits into his big hands; toying with your nipples and attentively watching the way your gasps grow louder with every pull on the perky buds, “you don‘t have to if you don‘t want to but don‘t you dare worry about me because this has been a dream of mine for literal years. Oh, how badly I want to be squished by those pretty, thick thighs of yours – you have no idea.”

“I want to! It’s just that I’ve never done this before. A-Are you sure? Please don‘t think you have to want this to make me feel better, I‘m okay with whatever you‘re comfortable with”, you whisper, not trusting your voice when you suddenly feel Iwaizumi‘s fingers tracing patterns on the inside of your thighs.

“Enough of this, pretty one”, his words are accompanied by a firm spank on your naked ass cheek; the pain of the sting leaving your pussy a spasming mess and with a soft moan you tighten your grip in his hair, “now sit on my face or I won’t fuck you.”

“N-No! Daddy, I‘m sorry, I promise I‘ll be good”, you whine quickly letting go of him so he can lay on his back only for Iwaizumi to get rid of his black shirt; revealing his strong, well trained body and all those dark lines adorning his tanned skin to your hungry eyes.

It takes you a few good seconds to gain enough confidence to actually spread your legs over his face, your whole body shaking with nervousness. But once Iwaizumi wraps his strong arms around your thighs and pulls your body even further down to his face, you slowly start easing up.

The feeling of his hot breath fanning against the wet flesh of your cunt sends goosebumps down your back. And the sight of his pretty face between your thick thighs, something you‘ve always been so insecure about, seems to slowly take a place as one of your favorite images to ever exist.

“Look me in the eyes, baby”, Iwaizumi mumbles and sucks at the skin of your inner thigh, his tongue on your skin making more and more juices gush out of your already drenched cunt as you allow yourself to meet his hungry gaze.

And just when your eyes meet, Iwaizumi sticks his tongue out and licks a long stripe over the hor flesh of your pussy before he gently pulls your little clit into his mouth and starts sucking on it.

You let out a loud groan; the sudden stimulation on your needy clit sending literal shock waves of pleasure through your body and without even realizing you slowly grind yourself further against his mouth.

Iwaizumi moans into your flesh, the deep bass of his voice sending vibrations right into your core, making your cunt clench even harder around nothing and if it wasn‘t for the intensity of his stare, you would have looked away already. Yet just as usual, there‘s something about the way he looks at you which has you feeling at literal ease – even in such a situation.

“Come on, baby”, Iwaizumi suddenly grunts, letting go of the sensitive bud with a loud sound before placing an open mouthed kiss on your clit and landing a harsh spank on your ash which has your body jolting in antica, “don’t be shy now. Ride my face like the good girl you are, make me proud…”, he adds softly, his words encouraging you easily and with a sound of affirmation, you start grinding your hips to meet the hot muscle of his tongue.

The following minutes are filled with loud slurping noises, high pitched moans and deep grunts as well as more words of affirmation and encouragement all while Iwaizumi continues to switch between thrusting his tongue into your tight hole and sucking on your clit before he eventually starts fingerfucking you with two of his thick digits.

You can't help but throw your head back at the immense amount of pleasure; your body and mind slowly reaching a point of complete haze as you lose yourself in the feeling of his touch.

And by the time you finally feel the taste of your high coating the tip of your tongue, your grip on Iwaizumi‘s hair tightens and a row of loud, choked out begs fall past your bit swollen lips.

“Look at your greedy little pussy clenching around my fingers like that”, Iwa chuckles deeply, picking up the pace of his thrusts as he keeps his mouth way too close to your throbbing little clit, “and those pretty begs. Gosh, baby, you‘re going to drive me insane.”

“S-So close, Daddy”, you choke out, your eyes flying open when you feel a third finger joining the two inside of your tight cunt, the pain of the stretch in combination with the pleasure of your upcoming high making your head spin.

“There we go, that‘s my baby”, he takes a deep breath and starts kneading the soft flesh of your ass in his palms, “want you to cum all over my fucking face. Show me what a good fucking girl you are.”

And those are the last words your brain manages to register before you feel the first wave of your orgasm hit you. Your sight turns pitch black and then white for a good second, your whole body tensing up at the feeling of coil in your core finally snapping.

Your thighs are shaking, your breath continuously hitching as you desperately try to regain your composure and if it wasn‘t for Iwaizumi‘s touch on your sensitive pussy, you‘d stay in the beautiful haze of your orgasm.

“You came so hard for me, baby”, Iwaizumi grins and pushes his fingers into his mouth before you finally find enough energy to get off of his face.

“W-Want more”, you whisper, your voice raspy and breathy as you tell him your request; low-key scared of being too greedy yet at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s eyes sparkling with excitement, you know he‘s not one to deny you anything. He‘s never been, after all.

“How about we move this to your bedroom, baby? I‘ve been dying to press your face into the mattress and ruin that little pussy of yours.” You feel a jolt of excitement blooming inside your chest at his words, nodding eagerly before you reach for his hand and guide him down the hall to your bedroom.

“Do you want me to suck you off?”, you say when the two of you come to stand in your room, your eyes focusing on the huge bulge in his pants, which manages to scare you slightly with its impressive size.

You always knew your best friend wasn‘t on the smaller side when it came to size yet you still can‘t hide just how surprised you are by its actual size. And suddenly the three fingers make a lot more sense to you.

“Let‘s save that for another time, pretty one. I‘ve been dreaming about pumping your cute little hole full of my cum for way too long. I can‘t wait any longer”, Iwaizumi replies and finally starts unbuckling his belt.

You take the few seconds he‘s busy to let your eyes admire the beauty of his perfectly sculpted body. You follow the dark lines of his chest tattoo, take in the sight of his stone hard abs and veiny arms as you press your thighs even more together to ease some of the pressure on your cunt.

“Are you done eyefucking me, pretty one?”, Iwaizumi suddenly chuckles, casually pushing his jeans as well as his boxer briefs down his meaty thighs and exposing his hard cock for your hungry eyes to devour.

He wraps his pretty fingers around his throbbing length, the tip an angry shade of red as precum continues to leak out; making your mouth water at the mere thought of having him in your mouth.

“Everything about you is so pretty”, you sigh and look into his eyes, the genuine appreciation in the green surrounding his iris making your heart grow warmer before he comes to stand in front of you in all of his glory.

“I love you so much”, Iwaizumi replies calmly, taking your face into his big hands before he places the softest kiss on your forehead.

“I love you, too”, you mumble and get up, pressing your lips against his and sighing into his mouth when he pushes his tongue past your lips without missing a beat.

Just when Iwaizumi starts letting his hands wander over your naked body, he halts his movements and pulls away slightly, “my pretty little baby, make sure to face the mirror so you can watch while I fuck your brains out. I want you to see just how perfect you are.”

“Yes, Daddy”, you whisper, your lips stretched into a big, big smile as you move out of his strong grip to position yours on your knees just as you were told.

Your heart suddenly starts racing again when you bury your face in your arms, making sure to push your ass as high as possible to give Iwaizumi easy access to your glistening cut. The excitement in combination with the pleasure and deep, deep longing finally manage to take over your brain; shoving the anxiety alongside all those insecurities to the very back of your head and making it easy for you to put your whole focus on the tll male behind you.

Iwaizumi’s rough hands caress your bare ass softly, kneading the flesh and lightly spanking it a few times before he lets a thick drop of his spit fall right onto your clenching pussy; sending goosebumps down your back at the feeling of it sliding down your flesh and mixing with your leaking juices.

You feel the tip of his thick cock nudging your entrance, the memory of his size making you tense up subconsciously and just when you’re about to hold your breath, Iwaizumi’s deep, calming voice echoes through the silence of your room.

“Take a deep breath, baby”, he whispers, knowing you’re going to follow his orders just like the good girl you love to be, “Daddy’s got you, okay? I’m gonna go easy, I promise.”

You lift your head to meet his comforting gaze through the mirror in front of you and without another beat passing, you feel yourself calming down again; the feeling of being absolutely safe and secure in his hand making it the easiest task.

And when Iwaizumi feels the tension in your body easing up, he lines himself up with your entrance and slowly pushes his thick tip into your tight hole. You whimper at the delicious stretch, the pain easily overshadowed by the sound of Iwaizumi’s heavy breathing and little moans.

“I’m gonna go all in, baby or else it’s going to hurt a lot more”, you appreciate his warning because as he’s saying it, Iwaizumi thrusts the whole of his impressive length into your spasming cunt; pushing every bit of air out of your lungs and pushing you way too close to your second high of the night. You can’t help but whimper loudly, tears already streaming down your cheeks because of the beautiful feeling of pain and pleasure mixing inside of your veins from the intensity of the stretch.

Iwaizumi, as always the gentleman, gives you all the time you need to adjust to his size; only growing slightly impatient as you still whine softly after two whole minutes yet you’re quick to lift your head again with quivering bottom lip and teary eyes, begging him to just fuck you.

“Please, Daddy”, you sob, moving away from him in a desperate attempt for some kind of friction; your cunt spasming around his thick cock like crazy and you know you’re only a few thrust and some clit stimulation away from your next high, “please, fuck me.”

“My greedy little whore”, Iwaizumi grunts, pulling his cock out of you astonishingly slow with the sole purpose of teasing you, “you’re going to take what Daddy gives you, did you hear me?”

You moan as the feeling of his tip dragging alongside your spongy walls, your eyes rolling into the back of your head only to find your way back to reality with a couple of harsh spanks on your already sore ass.

“Good sluts answer when being talked to, pretty one”, he warns, thrusting his cock back into you with one quick snap of his hips; burying himself balls deep inside of your overly sensitive cunt.

“Yes, Daddy, yes”, you cry and look up at him with glossy eyes, “just please, fuck my stupid little cunt, please.” Iwaizumi lets out a row of deep chuckles followed by raspy groans in response to your perfect answer before he nods at you and mumbles a few soft praises right into your ear and then straightens himself again.

“Alright then, pretty one.”

Loud grunts fill your ears so beautifully, echoing through the thick air of your bedroom and in combination with the sound of skin meeting skin in a constant rhythm, you feel the exact way your body is slowly falling into the beautiful bliss of another high.

Iwaizumi fucks you fast, harsh and rough. There’s nothing soft and romantic about the way his hips are meeting yours in a steady rhythm; making sure to hit that sweet spot deep inside of your pussy with every single one of his thrusts as he continues to use his whole strength on your burning ass.

But not once do you even think about telling him to go easier on you; this iwaizumi the one you’ve been imagining for all those years.

It doesn’t take long for him to wrap his strong arm around your chest to pull you up, his fingers also finding their way back home around your delicate throat.

“Look at you, baby”, he groans right into your ear, making you open your eyes and meet your own reflection in the mirror, “you’re so fucking beautiful, I can’t comprehend it.”

You stare at yourself with your lips parted in awe, eyes falling to the sight of Iwaizumi’s thick cock stretching your tiny cunt before you go back to trying to recognize yourself.

Because for the first time in literal years, you don’t hate what you see and even if it’s because of IWaizumi’s strong body right behind you, you still feel this certain type of warmth blossoming in your chest.

"Feels so good, baby", he groans, throwing his head back as the movements of his hips start to become slightly sloppier, a little more uncontrolled, "so tight and warm, so fucking perfect", Hajime’s voice breaks at the end of his soft praise because of your walls clenching around his cock even more the closer you get to the edge.

You start feeling dizzy, your sight turning into a blurr and at some point you can’t even in- or exhale without letting out a shaky moan.

Iwaizumi looks at you with wide, hungry eyes, the feeling of your walls gripping his cock like a goddamn vice sending him into an ecstatic state and the longer he watches you getting lost in the pleasure, the more he struggles to keep his rhythm.

You’re mumbling incoherent sentences, desperately trying to tell the brunette about how close you are whereas the pleasure makes it absolutely impossible for you to form a proper sentence.

“Are you going to cum for me again, baby?”, Iwaizumi grunts, tightening his grip on your throat, making you gasp for air as you nod in response to his question.

“My perfect little slut”, he sighs, his hand reaching down to rub your hard, throbbing clit with two of his rough digits, “fucking do it. Cum for your Daddy like the good whore you are.”

And just like a few minutes prior, those words are the last straw and eventually make you stumble over the edge head first. Your walls start spasming around Iwa’s cock like crazy, your loud moans and soft cries are the only thing he can focus on and without missing another minute, Iwaizumi also lets himself get consumed by the beautiful feeling of relief.

Iwa hips still, his cock buried deeply inside of your tight sex as he coats your walls with his creamy cum. Your new boyfriend gets lost in the feeling of finally getting to cum inside of you after waiting for so many years; feeding the fantasy of getting to claim you in the most intimate way possible. He buries his face in the sweaty crook of your neck, his rapid breath fanning your skin as the two of you try to calm down from your intense highs. Your hand finds its way into his dark hair, massaging his scalp with your eyes closed and your legs still shaking from the aftermath of your breathtaking orgasm. Without pulling out of you, despite his own release leaking out of you and down the sides of his cock, Iwaizumi makes you lay down with him; just tightly holding you in his arms.

A few minutes filled with nothing but soft breathing pass by before you finally find the strength to move again; the sudden need to look at Iwaizumi’s completely fucked out face overwhelming you in the best way possible. And when you turn around to look at him, you’re met with a breathtaking sight.

Messy strands of sweaty hair falling into his flushed face, swollen lips and glossy eyes sparkling at you in a way you’ve never seen before and in that moment you feel yourself falling in love with Iwaizumi all over again.

“I’m so in love with you”, you whisper and caress the soft skin of his cheeks, loving the way he moves even further into your touch.

“Always and forever only yours, pretty one”, Iwaizumi sighs and presses his forehead against yours.

࿏ A/N: And here it finally is! My first x chubby reader fic!! As a chubby someone who’s been reading fanficion for a long time, I’ve always craved some kind of representation and now I finally got to join this side of the community and I’m more than just happy about the way it turned out. I genuinely hope you guys will enjoy this and find comfort the same way I did while writing this. Please feel free to leave any sort of feedback if you enjoyed it and thank you so much for everything.

[tastyykpop]

𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

•pairings: enemy, barista and student!jaemin x student and barista!reader

♡𝑠𝑚𝑢𝑡♡

<next>

•warnings: dom!jaemin, brat!reader, brat taming, crying kink, hair pulling, choking, small praising, small size kink, degradation (slut, whore), dumbification (sexual and non sexual use) nanas kinda mean :( but gets a lil nicer :), jaemin refers to himself as nana a lot mostly when they do the dirty, bulging kink, pet names (princess, baby, baby girl, little girl, pretty girl), unprotected sex (please be safe), slight face slapping (he slaps her once), rough sex clearly, some sexual tension, I hope i got everything

You were fuming!

The boy in front of you not even batting an eyelash, just laughing at the mess dripping down your face.

You smelt like an iced americano.

People around you held their hands to their mouths in shock and others tried to hold back their laughter. Some even pointed at you or gave sympathetic looks.

It wasnt like people were surprised anymore. Jaemin always had something up his sleeve for you. But he never went as far as pouring his coffee on you.

"Aw poor baby. Do you need a napkin?" He faked sympathy with a pout and his friends began laughing. You just got up and walk by them, making sure to bump into jaemins shoulder on your way through.

It was almost everyday that Jaemin would do something so uncalled for. It was like he was made to push your buttons. Even as you're walking out of the college building, you can still hear the boy laughing at you. Or maybe it was the other students. Either way, you wanted to kill him.

As you trudged towards your car, a sense of relief washed over you. A great happiness that only comes when you finished your classes and could go home. Only this happiness stayed for a good 2 hours until you have to go to your part time job at the cafe with your favorite person of course. But its not like you can quit. You need the money so you can live and get the education you need, no matter how hard it is being with him.

It was then when you sat in your car and the squishing in the seat made your face curl into a scowl, only made you think of ways to get away with murder. It was gross really. The seats were sticky, plus your hair and clothes were sticking to you like lip gloss. A shower would be perfect right about now.

"Hi y- oh..." Your roommate, jimin, stared at your messy state. Giving you a good up and down before shrugging his shoulders, "jaemin?"

You sighed, walking over to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water, "Who else? Its always him."

Jimin gave you a small smile and came closer as if ready to hug you but didn't because he didn't want to get sticky. "You know, maybe you should quit that job."

"No."

He groaned and snatched the water that you were about to sip, "Why? You'd only see jaemin in school. And you wouldnt have to stick with his bickering in work." He huffed, shaking his head, "Girls are so difficult sometimes."

You tried leaping up to grab the bottle from jimin, but all he did was hold it above his head. You stomped on his foot in return. Jimin huddled over and you snatched the bottle, smirking with victory as you put it to your lips.

"You fucking snake." Jimin hissed in pain.

A laugh fell from your lips as you walked by him, completely ignoring his words and his pain, "Im gonna take a shower."

Once you got to your room, the first thing you did was grab your work clothes, a towel, and underwear and got ready for the warm shower.

After you switched on the water and let it heat up, you stepped in and immediately felt at peace as the water cascaded over your body, cleaning off the almost dried coffee. Your hair felt lighter, like a feather and your fingers could now slip through the strands easily without an issue. The scent of your body wash overpowered the coffee smell and you felt much better. Water, soap, and coffee were beginning to fill the drain as you finished washing up. You rolled your eyes at the sight of the murky water. What a bastard.

For once you were actually happy to wear your work clothes after what had happened earlier. The clothes actually felt comfortable and jimin was becoming more and more confused as to why you were hugging yourself with a huge smile on the couch.

"No one should be that happy after a shower." He started flipping through channels on the t.v.

"Dont tell me how to feel, I dont smell like jaemins coffee anymore." You gushed overdramtically. Jimin could only role his eyes.

"Please...you act like he's a demon of some sort."

You squinted your eyes at jimin and flared your nostrils, "he is. Hes a nasty, dumb, annoying, self centered-"

"Okay okay I get it! You hate jaemin! The funny thing is you can never get his name out of your mouth." Everything stopped and your head snapped in jimins directions.

"What are you saying?" A frown found itself on your face, jimin leaned closer.

"Im saying that maybe you might like him."

You shrieked in disgust, blocking your ears with your hands. Jimin laughed at your reaction. Almost falling off the couch in the process. "Ew! Gross! Why would you even think that!"

"Like I said, you can never get his name out of your mouth. I think its pretty obvious you like him." He was still giggling at you except your face was anything but happy, more grossed out at how he thought you could like such a person

"I can't stand you. I'm leaving for work." You stood up and jimin did nothing to stop you from going. Even though you still had about 15 minutes until you normally leave. "Ill be back at 9." The door slammed behind you, leaving jimin alone with another laughing fit.

You got in the car and drove off to your work, still trying to come up with a reason as to why jimin is saying all this. Sure maybe you talk about jaemin a little lot but that doesn't mean you like him. Its very much the opposite and jimin should know that. It only frustrates you the more you think about it. Liking someone like jaemin? Please. That would be your nightmare.

As you pulled up to the cafe, there were only a few other cars parked. Few were from other workers but the majority were most like customers or people just trying to get a free parking space. Lucky for you, there were many open spaces, unlike when you come later and they're filled. Maybe leaving earlier wasnt such a bad idea. It saved you the 3 minute walk.

"Y/n! You're just on time!" One of your coworkers, irene, called out as you stepped inside the shop. "We need help back here!" You had no time to even begin to say your shift hasn't started yet when irene took you by the hand and dragged you to where the coffee was being made. "We have a bunch of online orders coming in so can you please help us with the coffee and food?" She tossed you a brown apron for you to put on and you nodded, trying to get your brain to speed up with everything in the world.

It was so quiet when you walked in that you never even realized that the back was busy. Coffee cups were filled and put into trays for orders, food was being heated or baked. It was a chaotic place right now and all you could do was help. So as fast as you could, you began with the first order on the screen. A large mocha with extra extra sugar, whipped cream, and chocolate curls. Easy enough you thought as you reached for a cup but a hand beat you to it.

Your eyes looked up at the person in front of you and just when you thought everything was going fine, it wasn't, "What are you doing here so early?" You asked bitterly.

"I always come in early. What are you doing here so early?" Jaemin asked whilst holding a death grip on the cup.

"Just felt like coming early." You muttered, watching as jaemin turned away with a scoff, quickly cutting the conversation short. "Bastard."

Jaemin was busy making what you were originally going to do, so you looked for another order to get ready. It was just two cake pops and a small strawberry banana smoothie. Something you've been craving recently from the lack of sweetness and fruit in your day to day life.

The cake pops and smoothie were quick to make and were soon sent off to the customer. You happily beamed and wished them good day once they left.

After then there was a familiar face with a friend right next to him, he was quite handsome you must say. He was indeed so handsome that he just looked unreal. "Hey jimin. Whose this?" You nodded towards the bright black haired man.

"This is taemin! He wanted some coffee so I brought him- hey stop staring at him!" Jimin snapped you out of your trance and taemin chuckled.

"Its okay shes cute." He eye smiled, showing off his perfectly white teeth. He's definitely not real.

Jimin tsk'd, "Until you get to know her."

"Yeah yeah... whatever." You smiled at him, completely oblivious to what he just said.

They both ordered and took a seat next to the window. You were still staring at taemin with your head in your hand until someone tapped your shoulder, "Who are they?" Jaemins voice rang in your ears, making you stand up straight.

"Thats my roommate, jimin, and his friend taemin." You glanced back at the boys, mainly at taemin and just stared like he was your first crush.

"Quit staring your gonna scare him away." Jaemin said earning himself a chuckle from you.

You stuck your tongue out, "He called me cute."

The boy smirked from ear to ear and leaned in close to your face, "He was lying." You grumbled and pushed him away from you, getting annoyed by his presence very quickly.

"Jaemin and y/n, get back to work we have orders to do!" Irene called out. Both of you quickly returning to your stations and getting things ready.

"Look at him. Hes basically waiting for me to come over to him." Seulgi, another person in this school you dispise, said as she looked at jaemin in the back of the room. She wasn't very quiet either considering you were only a few seats away from him. So it only meant that jaemin could hear her, but chose to ignore it. Typical boy.

"Honestly. He looks so good today too." Sana, her best friend, commented.

"Oh and did you hear what he was planning on doing today to y/n? Apparently he's gonna-"

"Class get back in your seats, we have much to discuss." The professor stood in the front of the class. Everyone shifted and moved to their appropriate places and waited for the teacher to begin. Unlike you, who was wondering what seulgi was going to say next. If its something worse than coffee being poured on your head, you may just have to bury yourself six feet under after this.

As you were taking notes something flung towards your head and hit you on the side, looking over was jaemin with a smirk was he held his fingers in a sling shot shape. A rubber band was laying on your lap. Then another one. One even hit your cheek creating a small smack sound as you winced in pain. Oh you desperately wanted to get out of this seat and punch the boy in the face.

"Excuse me sir!" You called out, raising your head. The whole class looked at you and your cheeks began to heat up. "May i go to the restroom?" The professor nodded and you headed out. Not until you stopped in your tracks from a loud smack to your butt, causing the whole class to turn around again.

Jaemin was enjoying this, the way you stared at him with wide eyes and open mouth, made him just want to do it again. He never thought this reaction from you would be so entertaining and he tried his best not show it, with only a small smirk covering his face.

You rushed out of the room, faster than ever and leaned against the nearest surface you could find. Not only were you questioning reality, but also why jaemin just did that.

"That little bitch." You said to yourself as you paced back and forth in the hallway, staring at the ground.

"Excuse me?" Jaemin voice rang in your ears as you looked up with a angry red face. Steam was even coming out of your ears and nose. "Did you just call nana a bitch?" He put his hands to his chest and pouted, "Little girl you need to learn some manners." Jaemin tilted his head to the side and began walking forward.

"Shut up." You had nothing else to say as you grit your teeth, looking at the ground.

Jaemin didnt like that and grabbed the back of your neck to make you look at him, "What? Did your stupid head stop thinking? Your normally so chatty for nana what happened?"

"Jaemin i-" you cut yourself off as you felt jaemin grip the back of your neck tighter causing you to moan in pain.

"Stupid girl." Jaemin whispered, forcefully pushing you away. It was not strong enough to make you fall but at least stumble.

You glowered, earning yourself a chuckle from him. "What will it take for you to leave me alone!?"

"Bring this to table 15 please! Thanks!" Irene smiled as she handed you a small cup of iced coffee and you took it, taking it to its designated place. What you didn't except was to see taemin again, gleaming up at you.

"Hi y/n." He smiled and you tried to remain calm.

God how is someone so beautiful?

"Hey, I didnt except you to come back." You returned the warm smile and started to play with the apron around your waist.

Taemin giggled, "I actually quite like this place, its cozy." He began to take a sip from the straw, eyes still trained on you. If only you weren't so awkward with him, you wouldve found something to say other than staring at him and indulging in the beauty before you. But lucky for you someone behind the counter called for you, quickly averting your attention back to work.

The next order was a shake, so you grabbed the correct ingredients and began using the blendor, when someone came next to you, doing the same thing "You seem like your having fun flirting around." The unwanted conversation with jaemin began, "makes nana kind of jealous."

"Hm funny." You ignored him and continued blending the ice cream.

Jaemin casually rolled his eyes and glanced down at your nonchalant face before returning back to the blender, "you know you really do piss me off."

You sneered and snickered to yourself, "what are you gonna do about it?"

"I was thinking of fucking you dumb or until you know your place but maybe thats a bit too rewarding."

The cup was removed and set aside from the blender with your hands placed on your hips, "Im sorry what?"

"Did I stutter?" Jaemin raised an eyebrow and also put the cup down. You went silent, not knowing whether or not to just laugh it off or quickly run away. "And I'm still waiting on my apology."

"One, I am not going to apologize to your bitchy ass. Two, even if I did let you, you could never 'fuck me dumb', it just wouldn't happen. Now stop trying to get in my pants."

Jaemin opened then closed his mouth about to say something, but didn't and just put on a sweet smile, "Go take these to table 7 for nana." He said like he was testing yoj.

"Why? You made them."

"Nana told you to do something little girl, now do it." Jaemins sweet smile was still plastered on his face yet it intimidated you enough to do as he said.

Taemin was long gone when you walked out and you were kind of sad as you weren't able to say goodbye before he left. You placed the shake down on the table and was ready to walk away when you heard your name being called.

"Y/n? You work here?" Seulgis voice spoke as you turned around. Both her and sana were looking at you with shit eating grins.

"Doesn't jaemin also work here seulgi?" Sana asked the girl in front of her and seulgi looked as if she got the brightest idea.

"Oh yeah! Y/n can you get jaemin over here? Pretty please?" She asked sweetly yet with a hint of sourness and you listened, not feeling like ignoring her at the moment.

You told jaemin that seulgi and sana were out front looking for him and he nonchalantly went out without question. Leaving you to do some of the work alone, which you didn't mind considering its jaemin, the annoying bastard who won't leave you alone, but he does help you whenever you need it. And right now, it was a bit busy, and you needed it.

After doing 4 more online orders and sending them off through the driveway, jaemin finally came back with a scowl on his face looking ready to beat someone up. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" He raised his voice only loud enough for you to hear. But you were quite confused on what was happening.

"What are you talking about?" You asked, tilting your head to the side like a puppy.

Jaemin groaned, "I knew you were fucking dumb but come on y/n! Why is seulgi covered in the shake i gave you?"

You paused for a moment, unable to answer that. Is he assuming you spilt her shake on her? Why would you even do that in the first place. Yeah you don't like her, but you're not going to stoop to her or his level. "I dont know."

He slammed his hand on the wall near your head, startling you a bit, "You dont know huh?" You shook your head slowly. "Seulgi and sana both said you purposefully spilt the shake on seulgi. Now answer me honestly. Is that true?" You shook your head again, feeling really small and helpless under his strong gaze.

"I-i didnt spill t-the skake." You muttered quietly.

He inhaled sharply, "Then who did huh? Or maybe you don't know because you're so dumb."

"S-stop..." you frowned, looking down at floor, but jaemin had other plans and made you look up at him. A single tear slide down your cheek and you swear you saw a small grin appear on his face.

"Tell nana what happened." His voice became softer as he swiped away the stray tear on your face.

You huffed, still afraid that he'd do something to you although you knew he wouldnt purposely cause you pain. "W-well she asked me to go get you, which I did, a-and her shake was perfectly fine when I left."

"Are you saying she purposely spilt the shake on herself to make me angry at you?"

"Y-yes."

"Ill believe my little girl for now, but if I find out you are lying, you will be in big trouble got that?" Jaemin lifted his hand off the wall and proceeded to walk back out of the room. Leaving you shocked at his words and still frightened by an angry jaemin.

You went to the cash register once jaemin left to get ready to count the bills until you heard jaemin and seulgi arguing. Lucky for them, no one but you and him were working right now. Irene went home earlier and the normal crew always leave around 6:30, leaving just you and jaemin.

"It was only a prank nana. No need to get so worked up. And besides you didn't even prank her today, be glad I did for you." Seulgi said smiling at the boy in front of her.

Jaemin physically cringed when he heard his nickname roll off her tongue, "you didn't have to do that."

You stood there watching, astonished how jaemin was standing up for you. Hes supposed to hate you. Jaemin didn't even bother going with the girls when they offered him a ride, instead he stayed with you and even helped close. Something he normally doesn't do because he leaves before you and gives you all the hard things to do.

"Hurry up and finish." Jaemin spoke. A little bit of anger still laced in his voice.

"Whats your rush?"

He sighed, "I wanna go home. Plus I can't stand this place right now. I'm pissed."

You finished wiping down that last table and walked over to him, "Just go home then."

"Not without you."

You gave him a dirty look, "im not going home with you."

Jaemin leaned down, his face only inches from yours and whispered, "Remember what I said earlier hm? I wanna fuck you dumb." He then grabbed your waist bringing you closer to him, if that was possible, "Can I do that pretty girl? Can nana fuck you so hard you won't even remember anything but my cock?" You were so lost in your mind that everything became a blur. Jaemins words sounded so sweet but were so lewd. And you were so close to kissing him until he put his finger on your lips, "But you have to wait." You frowned and were only getting more angry by the second. You went from not wanting anything to do with jaemin to just about ready to beg him to kiss you. Was it that easy for him to get in your head? Or were you so sex deprived that now jaemin seemed somewhat interesting?

You laid on jaemins bed getting bored with the constant teasing. He never did anything but that. Jaemin would get close to your lips and back away as you chased him. Hed chuckle and coo at you for being so desperate. But that wasn't the point of all the teasing. He really just wanted you to beg him to kiss you. No words will come out of his mouth telling you to beg, he just excepted it to happen sooner or later. But youre too stubborn to do so, so you grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down to kiss him, catching him by surprise.

Jaemins hands gripped your wrists and pulled them off his face, pinning them to the bed, "You didnt even ask to kiss me." Jaemin pulled away, raising his eyebrow high, "Dont you think thats a bit mean."

"So was teasing me, but I let you continue." You huffed, trying to free your wrists from his death grip but it was no use.

"You dont have a say on whether i continue or not. I'm in charge here and you take what I give you, understand?" You rolled your eyes. It was your intention to make jaemin angry. You wanted to push his buttons.

What you didnt know was that not answering jaemin correctly would earn you a slap to the face. And jaemin was not even fazed by it.

"Dont roll your eyes and answer nana." Jaemin smiled. "Can you say 'yes nana'?"

"Y-yes nana."

"Good girl." Jaemin muttered and began slowly kissing your jawline down to your neck, sucking here and there creating shades of purple and red marks. Oh how he loved the marks he was leaving.

You so desperately wanted to grip onto jaemins hair and pull it but he never budged his hands, only tightening his grasps. As he continued attacking your neck, you began to lift your hips up to get some sort friction. Jaemin noticed and shifted so that his thigh was in between your legs and rubbing against your clothed core. A spew of quiet moans left your lips but you wanted more. Jaemin was going to soft and slow for your liking.

"I thought you were going to fuck me dumb?" You said and jaemin lifted his head to give you a quick kiss on the lips.

"Patience baby. You aren't ready yet." He let go of your wrists and took your shirt off. The cold air made you shiver and jaemin chuckled. "I wanna make you cum at least 2 times before I fuck you."

"Then stop talking and do it." You replied, pushing your hips up to rub against his thigh, but they were pushed back down on the bed.

"Didnt I say to take what I give you?" Your head slowly moved up and down and jaemin smiled, "so why arent you happy with what nana gives you?"

"I want more..." you sighed as he started to slide your pants and panties off, discarding them somewhere in the room. His mouth slowly started kissing your inner thighs and you could feel your heat dripping with anticipation. You whined for more but only got a slap to the thigh telling you to be quiet. Needless to say you didn't listen and continued to try to get him closer to where you needed him most but pulling his hair.

Jaemin groaned grabbing your wrist again and pushed it away roughly. His patience was wearing out. You were more stubborn than he thought, but that doesn't mean he can't still break you. "Next time you do that, I'll flip you over and beat your ass till its purple." Your breath hitched and as much as you were tempted, you wanted to be able to sit for a few days so you stayed put and kept your hands to yourself.

But the desperation was getting to you and you wanted relief which jaemin wasnt giving you until you felt his two fingers circling around your clit. "P-please jaemin." You moaned as he flicked your clit with his middle finger. Then soon enough he stuck two fingers inside you. Your pussy automatically clenching around his digits as he moved at a steady in and out pace.

It felt so good. His fingers felt so good. They made your body twist in pleasure as more moans left your mouth. Jaemin was watching your face closely as it contorted with pleasure. He loved seeing your eyebrows bunched together, so focused on the way his fingers worked inside you.

"My pretty slut. Taking nanas fingers so well." He gushed, still watching your face. Jaemin could feel himself get even more painfully hard but he didn't want to fuck you just yet. He meant it when he said he wanted you to cum 2 times. So he picked up the speed with his fingers, your hands landing on his forearm that was resting on near your hip. "Are you gonna cum for nana princess?"

You frantically nodded your head as a wave of pleasure washed over you. You could feel your cum leak out of you as jaemin leaned down and began eating away at your cunt.

"J-jaemin! So...go-good!" Your head flew back as his tongue sucked on your clit and a loud moan filled the room.

Jaemin smirked against your heat, "I haven't even fucked you yet and your already sounding like a dumb whore. Its so easy to break you princess."

"N-no its j-ju-...." you whimpered as your brain wasnt even trying to help you function right. His tongue was extraordinary. "Mmmm."

"Aw my dumb little princess is so cute." He muttered diving back into lapping at your soaked cunt. It was almost as if on cue and without warning, you were cumming again. Jaemins hasty tongue took it all. Groaning at the taste of you in his mouth.

He sat up over you, grabbing your neck, pulling you into a deep kiss. You tasted yourself on his tongue. Deepening the kiss by grabbing the back of his hair, jaemin couldnt help but moan a bit as his cock brushed against your thigh. He felt big. Bigger than the few guys you've been with and you were ecstatic.

You tugged on jaemins pants and shirt as a way to tell him to take them off and he did after getting off of you and sitting on the edge of the bed. His abs were more defined than you thought and when his cock sprung free, your mouth started watering. Jaemins smirk only grew watching you stare. He was starting to get cocky

"What? You wanna suck my cock?" Jaemin asked sweetly.

"Yes please." You reached over to try and touch him but he didn't allow you. And smacked your hand away. It was a way for him to tease you and you hated it.

"So kind for nana now. Ealier you were so cock hungry that you decided to be a brat. Did nana finally break you?" Jaemin whispered as he moved a piece of hair out of your face, looking at you with fill admiration.

"No you didn't break me. But I wanna suck you off." You whined as jaemin picked you up and sat you just above his cock, the tip teasing at your entrance.

"Too bad. Now I want you to sit." Jaemin said looking into your eyes. You obeyed with a little hesitation. His cock was surely going to hurt you so you took it slowly and started lowering your hips. "Fuck...thats a good girl." Jaemin praised, watching his cock dissappear between your legs and your tummy get full with his cock. "My baby's so tiny you can see my cock in your belly." He said, pushing down on the area where he was imprinted in you.

Slowly you started moving, lifting your hips up and down. You were wet enough that he could easily slide in and out with no problem.

Jaemins head fell back as he sighed with relief, grunting as you picked up the pace, "So tight for nana." He whispered and you moaned back loudly. His cock stretched every inch of you to the point where it felt like you'd split.

"More more more." You whined against jaemins neck, gripping his shoulders tightly. Carefully jaemin flipped you both over so he was on top and continued pounding into your destroyed cunt. He kept a hand around your neck squeezing it every so often as a choked out moan left your throat.

His cock was so deep and fast that you couldn't think straight. You kept blabbering about his cock. Only thing on your mind was how nice he felt inside you. Jaemin bit his lip as he smirked at you, grabbing your hair and bringing your face close to his, "Now will you admit that I fucked you dumb and say your nanas dumb slut?"

"Y-yes, I'm na-nanas dumb sl-slut." You cried, tears falling down your face from how good he felt inside and if you thought jaemin couldn't go any faster, he did. His thrusts were hard and rough, sure enough to hurt your thighs tomorrow as he pounded relentlessly. "So close." Your voice came out choked as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You held on to jaemins hand that was on your neck as he helped you with your orgasm.

Jaemin wasnt far behind you with his and groaned loudly, "fuck, where do you want it princess?"

"I-inside." You moaned as the feeling of hot cum was shot inside you. Jaemins hips kept moving him through his orgasm until he slowly came to a stop. Both of you panted loudly, there were even a few tears falling down your cheek here and there.

Jaemin slowly pulled out, making sure not to hurt you, and he laid beside you. "You did so well." He kissed your forehead. "Cmon ill carry you to bathroom so we can take a bath." He said picking up your worn out naked figure with so much care. Making you forget he was your enemy.

[oneandonlysoftie]

Hi dear! I've seen you didn't talk much about Sadistic Beauty these days... What are your thoughts on ending and two side stories? Especially Wookying and Minho's one? Tbh I'm disappointed and disturbed :(

i had to step out of this story bc it was leaving me frustrated, irritated and disappointed not to mention very confused LOL. yep, im still fairly disappointed with where the author went with this. a major conflict that should or could have been in the main story was the whole drama including wookyung fighting with doona to get minho but it was swept under the rug only to return as some after thought as a side story (probably excluding doona).  there was such a great opportunity to finish it in the main story but the author decided that minho had to suffer all of the consequences and everyone else is going scot-free LOL. truly a shame. i wasnt surprised that doona was ending up with haesol, never was into them, still not into them. i have a certain distaste for characters like haesol, he’d be best described as a simp. and i absolutely loathe simps lol. there’s a fine line with being there for someone and being there in hopes that smth more might change, he def wants to date doona and saying that he’s okay with how things are and if they don’t date, is basically a blatant lie to himself. if that was the case, he wouldn’t let her string him along and use him for sex. the feelings he has for her will just be kept in the back, but it will most likely resurface in some way or another. in the long run, it’d hurt him and that’s just not worth the hassle. obv since the writer wanted them to happen, he’s prob gonna get what he wants lol. i def found the whole rivalry btw donna and wookyung in order to get to minho way more fascinating, and wished it was explored more. now, the only thing im happy with is gyerin is probably getting her happy ending with the new girl. she’s also the only one who went “fuck this” once she saw doona wasn’t going to reciprocate her feelings, and im rlly glad she did that. at first, i didnt think much of her, but now, seeing how the story went (lmao), im all for gyerin being happy. and as for wookyung and minho, im interested in how their story will unfold. but i feel so so bad for minho, he was a jerk and an asshole i wont deny that, but he didnt deserve all of the hate and harm he got and still is receiving according to the side story preview. wookyung is still a great and fascinating character, i do like characters like him, but how he was used was just not satisfying. and it seems like there might be a case of stockholm syndrome coming up where he might fall for wookyung. i just wish doona had smth to do with it before she parted ways or she could have helped minho, but yeah. *shrugs* this story left me confused as to what the author is doing, there is wasted potential and opportunities at every corner. the plot goes one way then goes another to end on a weird note. i also think the whole gl, bl stuff was more of a fanservice thing and that’s probably why it’s more of a disjointed story? as in, i feel like the gl and bl stuff should either have been more of a focus and woven into the story or it should have been entirely separate so the author wouldn’t have to shove many things at once and just focus on one or two pairing. one thing i might add for the story is that it felt as if it was trying to make us surprised, but the so called “twists” that happened just made it more confusing and those probably shouldn’t have been there as they don’t add much to the story narrative. back to gyerin, you can see that gyerin and the new girl can have their own separate story from the start (she didn’t have much to do with the primary conflict and could easily have a flashback to doona instead of the whole fanservice lol). the same goes for wookyung and minho as well, and it’d have been perfectly fine. at the end you basically see three pairings, the m/f, the f/f and the m/m. however, we dont even know if minho is into men? so i’m not sure how’s that gonna be considered BL? then again, every pairing could have been in the main story, but it’s not? for some reason??? it feels as if the author wanted their pairings without putting in the effort of making it into the main story, hence the side stories or they just wanted to make it separated without putting too many characters in it. obviously, for wookyung and minho, there’s no way doona wouldn’t have done smth if it was fully explored in the main story, and it might have changed the ending too. there’s multiple ways the story could have gone, but this one was the only conflict that was much more interesting imo, but it wasnt used that much.

gyerin didn’t really have much to do there other than be lesbian fanservice for doona (and the audience, writer and maybe the artist too?), and to be some kind of support for haesol. that’s about it, so i can understand why she’d not have a full blown romance in the main story, but seeing that she keeps reappearing, she still could have her side story integrated into it. lmao i don’t even kno if doona is bi/pan lol or if she just had sex bc she was drunk then did it just for pleasure without being interested in women at all.

EDIT: iirc doona did get aroused seeing gyerin uh doing stuff, so it could be possible that she is interested in women, but maybe only sexually? although i still could be wrong lol and it could just have been a moment of “I’m straight, but horny and u’ll do for now”. she could be in the closet too, who knows.

overall, sadistic beauty had some interesting conflict, some good characters (ill never like haesol lol), good art and the storytelling by this artist is well paced, but the execution and where the story went leaves a sour taste in my mouth. would i recommend this story? absolutely not. it is so frustrating, and for what? i wish i had saved myself this headache from the very start but the art and the fact that doona was a dom was what reeled me in. i only came back to it to see if the writer redeemed their story in some ways, but... well... you saw how that went.  i would follow the artist if i could, their art is beautiful. however, i cannot say the same for the writer. from my exp, it seems that many webtoons have good art, but the writing definitely leaves way more room for improvement. that said, i do hope ppl will learn that in order to make a great comic/webtoon/manga and so on, it is not only about pretty drawings. the story and writing should be up to par with the art. if not, it should be at least close to it. because the art might attract people, but if the story doesn’t resonate, if it doesn’t make much sense, then ppl are bound to leave and drop it. and what is a story, but pretty pictures and nothing substantial in it? nothing, but superficial beauty.

[eddiesfaerie]

Long Sleeves (part 2)

Summary: Pushed to its absolute limits; a retelling of the past 4 months of you and Charlie’s complicated relationship (13.5k words, i dont know what to say other than im so sorry)

Warnings: NSFW, f!reader, major angst, annoying fluff, mentions of divorce, affairs, age gap (between Charlie and reader, previously implied), nudes, phone sex, PIV sex, daddy kink, some size kink, pain kink(?), rough (and angry and sad) sex, dom and sub themes, spanking, fingering, oral sex (m receiving), i also mention christmas a lot at the beginning which isn't really a warning but i know not everyone celebrates it!

Part 1

A/N: for those of you who are not a fan of d*ddy kink but who may still want to read this; i only use it between the time stamps of Christmas Eve to March, following the March timestamp there will be no mention or use of that word! just thought i’d mention cause the ending is cathartic!

LATE DECEMBER - APARTMENT

With Henry and Nicole staying in LA until after the holidays, Charlie would be alone with you until he left again.

And he didn’t leave your apartment once in the meantime.

Making up for lost time, is what you could call it.

The hours, days, spent in between sheets, on countertops, on couches, in the shower. Like he was trying to mark your apartment with his scent, make sure you never forgot him when he would leave again for LA in a few days.

You would remember him everywhere.

The way your knees bruised on the tile floor of your shower. The welts on your ass from his harsh hand. The bite marks on your shoulders, the bruises littering your neck, stomach, anywhere he could reach.

You would remember him everywhere.

The thousands of ‘good girls’ he praised you with and the thousand and one ‘fucking sluts’ he punished you with. Charlie was coming to know your insides and outs better than you could at this point, it was a certain level of familiarity you were happy with him reaching. He was becoming more and more comfortable around you.

You could tell not just because of the frequent sex, the hard fucking, but because of how he was opening up to you about the divorce. About what was really going on down in LA, what was happening with Henry, what had been happening (or more so, not happening) with Nicole for nearly the past year. 

He told you about how she ignored him, refused to have sex with him, even touch him. How he had found solace in a one time affair with their stage director, how he just missed feeling needed, feeling wanted by the only person who was supposed to fulfill that innate human desire.

He told you everything he could think of, every little detail. He was tired of hiding, holding it in.

He realized he would have to tell you when he would get a random call from his lawyer or from Nicole herself, when he would talk to Henry. When he yelled through the phone or hung up crying, slamming his device against the wall, nearly breaking it.

He knew he would have to explain it to you, he owed it to you.

You deserved to know, especially now that he was involving you in this to some degree. He didn’t want to, didn’t want to involve you but he needed you more than he needed anyone else right now. More than he was ready to admit perhaps, just how much he truly needed you.

And that’s why going back to LA would be the hardest thing he’s done all week.

He stood at the door, dressed, suitcase packed, heart lurching, thumping low in his chest with dread, resent, fear, and some feeling he couldn’t fucking name.

Lo-

“I wish you could come.” He says instead, the saddest smile you’ve seen adorning his perfect lips. You smile back, just as sadly. You know there was absolutely no reason for you to go to LA with him, to spend Christmas with Nicole and Henry and whatever extended family would be there as well. It would never happen, never work. At least, not right now. Not like this.

The divorce proceedings were on break till after the holidays, both in and against Charlie’s favour. It meant not giving Henry two Christmases, one last normal one. But it also meant pretending, indulging in that… façade that him and Nicole have been keeping up for too fucking long now.

The deed would be done sometime in February, maybe March, Charlie couldn’t remember. He tried not to think about it too much. Think about losing everything-

“I know. But you’ll enjoy yourself. Henry will be happy.” You remind him, letting him hold you so, so tightly. His vice grip, digging into you, trying to anchor himself to you.

“I can’t believe I’m leaving you alone during fucking Christmas.” You laugh.

“I’m going home to see my parents, I won’t be alone, Charlie.” He nods his head, hearing the words you’re saying but he still can’t stop the guilt from creeping up on him. He doesn’t want you to think he’s abandoning you. He won’t abandon you, like everyone’s abandoned him. He just hoped you wouldn’t abandon him either.

Charlie presses his forehead against yours, his hands gripping your waist and pressing your body against his. Your arms wrap around his neck.

“I’ll call you this time, I promise. Every night… I’ll call.”

“Okay.” You giggle, believing him.

His hand sneaks its way up your jaw, gripping your cheeks gently but angling your face for you to meet his dark, dark eyes. You know that look, so familiar now. You feel the pressure start to rise inside you, heat pooling in the very pit of your stomach.

“You’ll be good for me?” You nod immediately, fervently.

“Yes, Charlie.”

“If I ask you to send me pictures, what’ll you do?”

“S-send you pictures.” Breathless, your voice sounds so breathless. Your eyelids threatening to close but you keep them on him, always.

“That’s my good girl.” He growls, tilting your face all the way to his lips, a kiss, a seal of approval. You moan against his lips, letting your eyelids flutter shut, imagining yourself in all those new lingerie sets he’s bought you over the last week.

Your early Christmas presents, he had told you.

“The… the taxis waiting out front.” You say against his lips, not wanting him to leave just yet, but also not wanting him to leave you high and dry before getting on a plane set for across the country for at least another week, probably longer. Charlie ignores you, shoving his tongue down your throat, his grip on your jaw moving down to your neck, squeezing ever so slightly, fingers ghosting over bruised skin, enough to make you fall further into his chest, gripping his perfectly ironed shirt, ruining it.

He pulls away all too soon, no doubt doing this to you on purpose. It was 7am and you were already whimpering into his parted lips.

“I-I’ll miss you.” You admit, heart crashing into your ribs. 

You hadn’t meant to say it but he was making your brain foggy, your thoughts were jumbled together and you just let it slip past your lips. Charlie stares at you, red lips swollen like petals, cheeks matching, hair perfectly in place with your help nothing but fifteen minutes earlier. It feels like a lifetime has passed before he says anything back to you. The taxi honks outside on the curb.

“I’ll… I’ll miss you more.”

CHRISTMAS EVE - UPSTATE NEW YORK

It was relieving to be away from the city, surrounded by more wilderness, more foliage, more trees, more animals. A literal breath of fresh air that wasn’t tainted by sewage and the ever present scent of smoke coming from somewhere or someone.

You loved coming up here. Escaping. You hadn’t been back home since last Christmas. You moved away when you were quite young, the relationship you had with your parents was complicated, clashing personalities, it was difficult to understand each other when you were younger but there was clarity that came with age. They finally respected you, and you finally respected them as well, understanding them better.

You think spending so much time with Charlie and Henry gave you an insight into parenthood that you had never been privy too beforehand. You were thankful for that, not only did you appreciate your parents more, but now parenthood had many more benefits that you had never considered before. Magical, rewarding, fulfilling.

Charlie kind of made you feel that way too.

It was still awkward at times with your parents, that was unavoidable. No siblings around meant all eyes were on you. They were asking for too many details, prying too deep and you just never felt comfortable indulging in yourself this much. But you always came prepared, it was the holidays after all, things always got weird.

After Christmas Eve dinner, your parents invited you out on a walk with them around their little town. They did this every night apparently, just walking together, talking. It was cute, endearing. You declined their offer, however. Thankfully you weren’t sixteen anymore, and your parents didn’t press you any further to come along with them like they used to.

They’d be back in thirty minutes.

That gave you thirty minutes to call Charlie. Just as he instructed.

Earlier this evening, as your parents were beginning to prepare dinner, Charlie’s family was just finishing lunch out in California. A perfect time for a perfect distraction, or intrusion. 

You had packed a few sets of the new lingerie Charlie had bought you, not knowing what he would want to see on you or how often you should switch it up. You nearly brought all of them but didn’t want to take up too much space in your luggage and be suspicious.

You put one on that you thought Charlie was particularly fond of, a skimpy little number that revealed more skin than hid, it’s colour complimenting your skin like it was made for you, made to hug your figure in all the right places. You forgot that Charlie had such a visual mind sometimes, he knew exactly what you would look good in.

Nervous and a bit shaky, you tucked yourself away into your childhood bedroom to take your pictures for Charlie. You felt like a teenager again.

Charlie was not pleased with the timing of your pictures, seeing as he was surrounded by family and innocently looked at his phone only to get a glimpse of your beautiful fucking body, all the blood going from his head straight to his cock. He nearly fainted. His cheeks lit up like Nicole’s Christmas tree and he stumbled from his chair. Thankfully, everyone seemed to be more occupied with paying attention to Henry than to notice him sprint to the bathroom to scold you over text.

That was hours ago. Charlie had told you to call him exactly at 11pm eastern time. That was only 8pm where he was but he said it worked out perfectly so you didn’t argue. You just waited patiently on your bed, number dialed on your phone and ready to call, all the clock head to do was strike eleven.

Finally, the clocks ding around the house, your thumb flies across your screen and you hold the phone up to your ear, worrying the flesh of your lip between your teeth. It rings once, twice, three times before you can hear his breath on the other end. It already sounds heavy.

“H-hi Charlie.”

“What are you wearing.” His voice is strained, maybe he’s already holding himself in his hand.

“Merry Christmas Eve.” You twist your fingers together nervously. Charlie grunts on the other end, a frustrated sound.

“I f-fucking told you, no pleasantries. I-it’ll only make us miss each other more-” You stayed quiet. You knew he was right, but you already missed him so much and hearing his voice was making it worse. You felt your lip tremble, you missed his arms, his warmth, his-

“Are you fucking pouting right now?” His voice was firm, sturdy, and annoyed.

“No, Charlie.” A lie.

“Good, now tell me what you’re wearing.”

“I’m wearing your favourite, the one from earlier. I’m barely covered.”

“Oh I know baby, your tits looked so fhuuuucking good in those pictures you sent me.” The fluctuation in his voice was rising and falling randomly, you could picture his hand wrapped tightly around his angry cock, the head flushed red, precum dribbling out the top, just begging to be licked. He tasted so good…

“A-are you touching yourself?”

“No, you didn’t tell me to.”

“G-good girl, you’re so fucking good to me, you know that?” You pictured his chest, the way he flushes right in the center, between his pecs. The way the red splotches climb up, up, up his neck and onto his cheeks and up to the peaks of his ears. You thought about the heavy rise and fall of his chest as well, how fucking wide he is, how much bigger than you he is. You audibly moaned.

“Tell me what you’re thinking about?”

“Y-you.”

“Be specific- fuck.”

“Um, your- your cock. How big it is, how big you are. How it feels when you stretch me out, when you go so deep I feel you in my stomach-”

“Keep going baby, I’m… I’m so f-UHcking close.”

“I think about the first time, a-a lot. How it felt the first time you split me open- fuck Charlie you’re so big I never think you’re going to fit but I always take it, I-”

“Yeah, yeah you always take me like the good little girl you are, such a good fucking slut for me, taking my cock in that tight fucking pussy.” He sneers, you can tell he’s talking from behind clenched teeth and you moan again, loudly. Your brain short circuits, what comes out next, comes from the deepest part of you.

“Oh Daddy,-”

“What did you just call me?”

Fuck.

You hadn’t really meant to say it, you were just so caught up in the moment, the feeling, the sound of him that you completely lost your inhibitions and let it slip out. You expected him to just end the call now.

“Charlie I’m so sorry-” He cuts you off with a firm call of your name.

“I asked you a question. What… did you call me?” Your stomach flips and your insides threaten to spill past your lips and onto your floor.

“Daddy.” You say so quietly you’re not sure he even heard you.

“I didn’t catch that.”

“Daddy.” Frustration laces your voice as you project the word throughout the entire upper floor of the house. He definitely hears it that time. You think you hear Charlie moan on the other end but you don’t want to be too hopeful.

“You wanna call me Daddy? Hmm? You want me to be your fucking Daddy, is that it?”

“N-no…” You’re not sure what he’s getting at, but you feel like he’s just going to torment you.

“Don’t fucking lie to me you little slut.” His breathing picks up again, his voice booming, heavy breaths between every few words. You can hear the slick of his hand as it moves quickly over his length.

“Yes! Yes I- I want you to…”

“Say it.”

“I want you to be my Daddy.” Charlie moans loudly again, his hand somehow moving faster. You can tell he’s close. You can’t believe he likes this. You love it.

“Yeah, I’ll be your fucking Daddy. You better fucking call me that non stop when I get back to you, my sweet little girl.” You moan this time, squeezing your thighs together, feeling your arousal trail slightly down onto your thigh. You were so distracted you hadn’t realized you’d completely soaked through your underwear.

“I will, Daddy.”

“Fuck, I’m-”

Confidence surged you. You still couldn’t believe he liked this but you finally gave in, feeding his desires. When you spoke, your voice was filled with something wicked, sickeningly sweet and most of all, evil.

“Are you going to cum for me, Daddy? Make a mess for me?”

You felt like you hadn’t even finished your sentence before a loud moan punched through your phone and into your ear. You moaned as well just from his release, feeling it in your mind and in your chest, squeezing your thighs again for any sort of friction. Charlie continued to moan through his release, you pictured his silky cum painting his taut abdomen and his beautiful chest. You imagined it blending in with his moles and freckles, you pictured yourself rubbing your hands through it, massaging it into his skin before licking it all up. 

He wouldn’t even have to ask, you would just do it.

“Y-you’re fucking perfect… you fucking angel.” He’s so breathless, completely spent and wasted from your voice alone. You felt so hot. You needed to relieve yourself but you didn’t know if you should ask for permission or not. Before you could even debate it, Charlie spoke again.

“Go to bed, wouldn’t want Santa catching you up like this.” You laughed softly at his comment. Static on the other end. He said your name as if to check if you were still there.

“Yeah?”

“Merry Christmas.”

The line went dead.

JANUARY - BROOKLYN

You had sent Charlie pictures nearly every night after that. And you two called each other every other night as well.

He asked it of you and you couldn’t say no to your Charlie. It was a bit tricky while you were still staying with your parents, he would simply text you and you would have to scurry off to your room or the bathroom and snap as many flattering pictures of yourself as you could. You tried to make it seem less suspicious by drinking tons of water and just blaming it on your bladder.

But the new year had finally come, and you were now back home in your apartment. Charlie would be returning tonight and you were counting down the hours until you saw his taxi pull up on the curb side. You distracted yourself until then.

At around 7pm, you got an unexpected call from Charlie.

“Hi.” You felt like your smile was audible through the phone.

“Hey,” Charlie chuckled darkly, his voice always sounding deeper and richer through the receiver. “I just got in. I was wondering if you’d like to join us for dinner tonight?”

Us? He didn’t mean….

“It’s just me and Henry, Nicole’s uh, staying in LA until further notice. If you’re busy or if you can’t that’s-”

“I would love to,” The fact that Charlie would ask you to spend dinner with him and Henry warmed your heart beyond comprehension. Your weeks of loneliness suddenly dissolving into the background and becoming nothing more than a distant memory, a distant feeling. “but is Henry okay with it?”

“Of course he’s okay with it. He’s actually been talking about you quite a bit. I think he might have missed you more than I did,” Charlie choked a bit on his last words, “not that I didn’t miss you, I just meant that he, you know, Henry was-”

“It’s okay, Charlie I understood what you meant.” You giggle, finding his slight awkwardness endearing. How was it that you both were having incredible phone sex for the past two weeks and now you both sounded like teenagers calling their crush?

“So, you’ll come?”

“Yeah, I’ll come.” Charlie groans at your suggestive tone.

“Don’t start now.” His voice stern, unwavering. You laugh again, more mischievous this time. You test the waters, not stepping in enough to drown... just yet.

“I’ll be over in ten minutes, is that okay, Daddy?” You hear rustling on the other end of the phone and then Charlie cursing a low ‘fuck!’. You think you hear Henry’s voice too, followed by more of Charlie’s now muffled voice.

“Ten minutes is fine.”

//

Henry had bombarded you at the door, he wrapped his tiny arms around your legs and hugged himself tightly to you. It took everything in you not to cry, you knelt down so you could hug him back.

“I missed you.” He dug his cheek into your shoulder. This kid was the sweetest, he would melt your heart every time.

“I missed you too, Henry. How was LA? How was Christmas? Tell me everything!”

Henry grabbed your hand and dragged you into the living room where all his new toys were laid out, ready for him to play with. As he was pulling you there, Charlie emerged from around the doorway like an angel himself. Your eyes met and you felt as if you were moving in slow motion, and not being dragged at top speed by his child.

“Hi.” You greet, almost shyly. Unsure of how to act around him with Henry present.

“Hi.” Charlie repeats, grabbing your free hand for the briefest moment, giving it a tight squeeze until it's pulled out of his grasp by Henry.

You’re not sure how long you spent playing on the floor with Henry, him retelling you the events of the last two or three weeks while Charlie sat on the couch, glancing at the two of you every now and then. You tried not to think about the position you were in, kneeling on the floor, carpet digging into your knees, Charlie sitting tall above you on the couch, looking down at you from between his parted knees. It looked like such a natural position for him, almost like he was too comfortable like this, too familiar with it. You wanted to-

The doorbell rang, making both you and Henry jump from the sharp noise.

“Henry would you like to go pay the pizza guy?” Charlie asked, already pulling his wallet from the pocket in his pants.

“Yes!” Henry shouted, jumping up from the carpet, whisking the crisp bills from his dad’s hands and running to the door to answer it. Charlie figured he had a minute or less before Henry came back.

He lifted himself from the couch, taking your jaw into his hand and bringing you to stand with him. He crashed his lips into yours, violently shoving his tongue down your throat and you had to bite back the moan that threatened to spill through your lips and into his awaiting mouth. His hands had a deadly grip on your waist and on your jaw, you only wished he would ease up because you didn’t want Henry to wonder why you both looked so flustered.

“I can’t wait until tonight.” He said against your lips, his hand on your jaw moving to trail down your throat.

“W-what’s tonight?”

“I got it!” Henry came rushing back into the living room but not before Charlie pushed himself away from you and let go of your throat and waist. It looked like nothing had happened.

“Let’s go set it up in the dining room.” Henry stomped his foot in retaliation, whining slightly.

“Nooo, Dad, can we please watch a movie with pizza?”

“Henry, we have a guest-”

“Please!”

“What movie do you want to watch?” You asked, budding in, trying to stop a tantrum in its tracks. Henry’s eyes lit up and he glanced between you and his dad.

“Have you ever seen ‘Frozen’?” You actually had, but he didn’t need to know that. You gasped.

“I haven’t!” You glanced over at Charlie. His eyes were dark but an innocent smirk pulled at his lips.

He was thinking about how this just meant it would take longer before he could finally fuck you again, a two hour movie cockblock. It had been over two weeks since he had felt your body against his, nothing to satiate him but the sound of your voice and some mediocre photos. Charlie thinks he should show you how to take some really good ones sometime soon. Not that yours didn’t most definitely do the trick, he just thinks he likes the idea of directing you, positioning you...

But Charlie was also thinking about how he found it very sweet, very heartwarming to watch you bond with Henry. He loved watching you have such a good time with him and treat him like a person, not just a child. And he could tell that Henry really liked spending time with you too. Not just from how much he talked about you when you weren’t around, but the smile that lit up his face when you came over or when he went over to your place.

It was getting harder and harder to get Henry to smile like that.

You all sat down on the couch, little wooden fold up tables in front of your seat to hold your plate of pizza slices. Henry sitting between you and Charlie, of course.

Henry sang along passionately to almost every song, sometimes with bites of pizza in his mouth and Charlie would scold him for it, afraid he would choke but Henry ignored his dad’s requests, just continuing to belt out along with the characters on screen.

As the movie progressed and neared the end, you could feel Charlie getting more and more sleepy on his side of the couch. He would rearrange his sitting position every now and then and his eyes would close for minutes at a time. He looked so soft with his arms folded across his chest, his eyelashes fluttering against the tops of his cheeks, his lips coming to rest in the softest little pout. You nudge Henry gently and he turns to look up at you.

“Looks like your dad’s asleep.” You giggle, pointing to Charlie. Henry immediately jumps on him, startling Charlie awake.

“Dad I can’t believe you fell asleep again!” Henry pouts, grabbing Charlie’s face between his hands and shaking him from side to side. Charlie grabs his son’s little hands to stop his efforts, sitting himself up straighter on the couch and hugging Henry to his chest.

“Mmm’wasn’t sleeping.” Henry rolled his eyes.

“Why don’t you go get your daddy a blanket so he can get comfy for the rest of the movie.” You wink at Henry, sending him searching upstairs for the perfect blanket for his dad.

Charlie groans and drops his head on the back of the couch, his hand draping across is as well, coming to rest on the very tip of your shoulder. He wraps his fingers along your muscles, squeezing the flesh into his palm, tightly.

“I heard that.”

“Heard what?” Daddy.

His head lifts from the couch to glare at you, his stare deadly, shooting right to the deepest parts of you. Why were you teasing him like this?

“Dad is the dinosaur one okay?” Henry calls from up the stairs, slowly making his way down and back to the couch.

“It’s perfect, Henry. Thank you.” Charlie takes the blanket from Henry and kisses the top of his forehead before he settles back on the couch, cuddling up next to his dad.

You unpause the movie, admiring the two of them every now and then, watching Henry becoming more and more sleepy as the film nears its end. As the credits roll, Charlie removes the blanket from around himself and moves it to wrap around Henry.

“I’m going to go tuck him in.” Charlie whispers to you. You nod sweetly at the two of them. Charlie carries Henry in his arms towards the stairs before Henry grumbles, calling out your name to you back on the couch.

“Will you come too?”

You look to Charlie for guidance, you don’t want to overstep any boundaries. You’ve never been in the upstairs part of their apartment, you’ve never seen the rest of their place, Henry’s room, Charlie’s room, their bathroom. You’d never seen any of it and it all felt incredibly intimate and incredibly wrong in some way. You didn’t want to accidentally see something you shouldn’t. But Charlie just smiles back at you and nods his head gently.

“Of course, Henry.” You follow them up the stairs, smiling at Henry who smiles that shiny little kid smile at you before laying his head back down on Charlie’s shoulder, resting his eyes again.

Henry’s bedroom is exactly like you imagined it would be. Colourful blue walls, vibrant comic book patterned bed sheets, toys absolutely everywhere yet Charlie avoids them like their place on the floor has meaning, like he’s ingrained it into his mind from stepping on them too many times, muscle memory. You stay in the doorway, leaning on the door frame watching them, not wanting to intrude.

Charlie carefully lowers Henry onto his bed, tucking him in the covers and kissing his forehead. He says sweet words to his son, lulling him further to sleep and Henry smiles dopily back at him, whispering a quiet ‘love you, dad.’

Charlie turns around to face you, he flicks his head in the direction of the stairway mouthing the word ‘go’ to you, you nod and head down the stairs, waiting for him in the living room. You decide to settle yourself at the foot of the couch, sitting on your knees, feeling the burn of the carpet again and waiting for your Charlie.

He descends the stairs slowly, achingly slowly. Making you wait for it, making you feel the weight in his steps, his foot pressing into the wood, applying his weight until he shifts down another step before finally, finally, making his way to you.

You look up at him from your place on the floor, you try not to let your mouth hang open as you gaze up at him, this beautiful man. Sometimes, when you look at him, you wonder if whatever god or gods were out there made him like this on purpose. Sent him here looking the way he does to taunt you, to test you. Test your strength, your will to defy him when you know there is no humanly way possible to deny this man of what he wants. And what he wants is you. Why would you say no? How could you?

After observing you on the floor below him, Charlie seats himself down on the couch like before, knees spread, looking down at you. You scoot closer to him, hoping he doesn’t tell you to stop. His hand comes to rest on his knee before he pats it.

“Lay your head down on me.” His voice rumbles in his chest. You think you feel it through the floorboards, through your knees, up your spine and in the pit of your stomach. You listen and scoot closer, resting your head on his bony knee, nuzzling it with your cheek and looking up at him through thick lashes. You continue looking at him as you press a tender kiss as well, just for fun.

The lights are dim in the living room, the time ticking closer to midnight, Henry asleep upstairs. You both had to be quiet, you both knew this. Charlie’s hand comes to brush against your cheekbone, he trails his index finger all along the valleys of your face and then moving into your hair, gripping the back of it into a fist before relaxing again, bringing his hand back to hold your cheek.

“I’ve missed this.” He says so quietly. You nod, biting your lip.

“Me too.” You say, eagerness beginning to fill your voice. You adjust your position, coming to lean further into him, closer to his crotch where you can tell he needs you. Charlie hums contentedly.

“Mhmmm. Tell me what exactly you missed. Who you missed.” You let your hand glide over his knee, over his muscular thigh and towards his crotch, feather light touches along the fabric of his pants. You could feel how hard he was, it seemed painful.

“You. I missed your cock too... Daddy.”

There it was. He found what he was looking for. His hand found its way into a fist again in your hair, tugging it tightly, his head falling back against the couch as you pressed your lips over his covered cock, straining in his pants.

“You can do better than that,” he groaned, voice almost as strained as his cock yet still so forceful, “show Daddy how much you really missed him.”

You whimper at his tone, your voices both so hushed, rasped and desperate, spurring each other on much quicker than usual. Your hands, shaky with desire, reached up for his belt, grasping the cold metal into your hands and unbuckling it as quickly as you could. Only when you got to his zipper, did Charlie stop you with a light tap to your cheek.

“Teeth.” He scolded. You nodded.

You brought the zipper in between your teeth, biting down on the tiny piece of metal and slowly dragging it down over the hill his cock was creating in his pants. The heat radiating from his body was palpable, you could feel it coming onto your face the lower you dragged the zipper and the more he was revealed to you. You could also smell him, that smell that was undeniably Charlie; musky, earthy, a hit of fabric detergent and just the natural smell of his skin, like almonds in the summer. It made you dizzy, drunk off of him already.

You hadn’t even gotten him in your mouth yet.

You nuzzled your face into his clothed crotch, feeling his hard member pressing into your cheek, you could feel it pulsing, you could feel him wanting, waiting for the moment your mouth would take his length as far back as you could. You whimpered at the thought.

“You like it? You like my cock?”

“Yeah, I love it.”

“Then show me with that pretty fucking mouth of yours.” He sneered, pulling harder on your hair. You hummed and smiled, you felt giddy, maybe you really were drunk. You nuzzled your face into his crotch one more time before bringing both of your hands up to his waist, letting your fingertips dance around his beautiful skin that lay revealed to you above the waistband, you lean up, up, up pressing the softest, delicatest kisses to his skin.

Charlie groaned, pressing on the back of your head, pushing your face further into his tummy. You left more and more kisses before you gave him a tentative bite, not letting your teeth sink in too much before you lave your tongue over the abused flesh.

“Fuck that feels- fucking good.” Charlie moaned, looking down at the new mark that would only darken itself by tomorrow as more blood rushes to the affected area. It was placed beautifully next to his hip bone. You think it looked pretty. So did he.

You finally let your fingertips dip into his waistband but not before latching your teeth onto the stretchy fabric as well, aiding your fingers in removing them. You dragged it down, down, down his skin, just until his cock sprang free and laid heavy on his lower stomach. Charlie hissed, his hips bucking slightly from the sudden freedom.

He has the prettiest cock you think you’d ever seen. You never get used to seeing it, taking it in your mouth or your cunt. The stretch is always so painfully good, you’ve come to crave it. And going without it for the past however many weeks has made you near delirious for it. You stick your tongue out and run it all along the underside right to the very tip, where a shiny, pearly bead of precum has just begun to spill over. You hum as you lick it up, eyes nearly rolling back into your head.

“Don’t be a fucking tease.” Charlie grits from behind clenched teeth. You look up at him innocently, you notice that he’s clenching and unclenching his jaw like clockwork, his eyes look glassy and his cheeks are a few shades darker. He already looks so disheveled, so perfect like this.

“I can’t help it… it’s so pretty.”

“You think Daddy has a pretty cock?” You nod your head, humming, which you can’t seem to stop doing tonight, he just has you feeling so content, so safe. You don't think you could be like this with anyone else. You trace your fingers along his length, watching it bob from the slightest of touches, even Charlie tries to bite back his groans.

“Can-can I kiss it?”

“Please.” You lower your head towards his length, pressing your lips so softly onto his red angry head, giving little kitten licks in between kisses which has Charlie gripping your hair like a vice, afraid you’ll float away. You like the way his stomach flexes in response to your touch, like his body is bracing himself for the tidal wave of pleasure that’s bound to hit at any moment.

You finally take the spongy pink head into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it before letting a few inches fall past your lips as well. Charlie’s tummy flexes even more, the v shaped muscle becoming more and more prominent and you moan onto his cock. His free hand that had been clenched into a fist comes to hold one side of your head and the other comes to meet it. He holds your head in his hands and forces you to take more of him, but not all of it just yet. You start bobbing your head up and down on his length, his hands helping you find his ideal speed.

“Fuck yes, oh my god, j-just like that-” Charlie moans your name, his fingernails digging into your scalp making you moan on his cock again, only making him dig deeper, pressing your head further down his length, forcing you to take him until he hits the back of your throat.

“Gonna let Daddy f-fuck that pretty little whore mouth of yours?” You let your jaw go slack more than it already has and do your best to nod with his cock half way down your throat, tears already beginning to brim in the corner of your eyes. Charlie starts lifting his hips off the couch slightly, all the while moving your head further up and down his cock, forcing it down your throat as far as it’ll go without you making obscenely loud gagging noises.

His son was asleep right upstairs, after all.

You let your eyes roll back into your head, letting Charlie take control and just fuck his cock into your mouth like you know he needs to, like he knows you need it too. It’s been too fucking long. Too fucking long since he’s had you like this. At his disposal, his little plaything to do whatever he pleases with. And you fucking love it.

The cool, sharp metal of his unzipped zipper digs into your jaw and occasionally your neck, biting into your skin and scratching your skin when Charlie lifts his hips up particularly high but you don’t care. In fact, you welcome the pain, embracing it as a mark of Charlie’s rough loving. You hope it draws blood.

“Fuck, your mouth i-is so fucking perfect, so warm... I don’t-” He doesn’t finish his sentence, his eyes screw shut and you can feel his cock growing impossibly harder. He looks down at you, his face twisted in absolute pleasure as he loses himself in your tight little mouth. He pulls you off his cock with all of his strength. A trail of saliva connecting your spit swollen lips to the head of his cock. You start pumping him quickly with your fist.

“No-no wait I don’t…”

“I want it Charlie, please,” Charlie throws his head back, moaning your name, “cum in my mouth... please.”

You nearly whine that last part. Charlie grabs your hair and tugs it, shaking your head a bit.

“I want to fuck you, I don’t wanna cum yet- FUCK!” You hadn’t stopped your hand movements, your fist moving faster over his cock while he fights his release.

“You can fuck me tomorrow.” You say quickly before attaching your lips around the head of his cock, sucking on it until you feel his thighs, abdomen, hands, mind and soul tense up before he bites back his guttural moans, letting them rumble through his chest like thunder passing, before spilling himself onto your tongue. You moan as it lands, letting it slide down your throat as you taste him, taste all of him until he’s completely drained.

You look up at him through heavy lashes, coated thick in tears that have streamed down your cheeks. Chest heaving, abdomen pulled taught, cheeks incredibly flushed, lips swollen, eyes heavy and tired. Completely spent. He looked so beautiful, your Charlie. So beautiful like this.

“S-show me.” His hand reaches for your jaw, pinching your cheeks to force your jaw and mouth open. You stick your tongue to show him. All gone, you swallowed all of his cum, for him.

“Good girl.” He whispered, patting your cheek affectionately. You smiled sweetly at him, coming up with your hands resting your weight on his thighs, pressing your swollen lips to his. As you extend your knees to stand, you feel the ache in the joints, the bruises already present, no doubt. You loved the pain. Your lips glide effortlessly across each other, so tired, so worn out but always wanting.

“Stay, please.” He says against your lips. You shake your head, no. It was a simple answer. A simple predicament.

“Henry.” 

You pull back to look into Charlie’s eyes, he pulls you into his lap and he winces as you apply just a bit too much weight onto the base of his cock. You look into his eyes, already so sad at the idea of you leaving. But Henry would ask too many questions in the morning.

Why is the nice lady from next door still here, Dad?

Did she stay the night, Dad?

Did she sleep in your bed, Dad?

You and Mom’s bed, Dad?

“I know, I know.” Charlie says, defeated. He presses you into his chest, hugging you to him tightly, tighter than you were expecting. It was a hopeful thought. He understood why it couldn’t happen, couldn’t work. Maybe he just wanted you to entertain the idea for a minute with him. Maybe it would happen one day.

“I really did miss you.” He whispers into your hair, cradling the back of your head with his large, warm hand, pressing you further into the nook of his neck.

“I did too. I really missed you too, Charlie.”

MARCH - BROOKLYN

Charlie was currently back from his third visit to Los Angeles, hunting burroughs for the perfect new home for himself and for Henry. Maybe for you as well, but Charlie didn’t like to dwell on that for too long, he couldn’t allow himself such hopeful thoughts, he would only be let down. 

Would you really want to move in with him? Was that moving too quickly? Would you think he was insane? Crazy? Obsessed? The truth was, he is all of those things; insane, crazy, obsessed with you. He couldn’t help it, no. Not when it came to you.

He would always be desperate for your affection, your attention.

Things were escalating with the divroce. Nicole and Charlie had turned bitter, viscous, backstabbing, conniving. Both fighting for a child who has no intention of hurting anyone, certainly not his mother or father.

Henry had no idea what weight his actions or words held, no idea what it meant when someone came over to observe him and his dad, or him and his mom. When they sent someone out to New York to watch him there, sometimes you would be over too. They asked you so many questions, he didn’t understand why. Why were strangers suddenly so involved in every little thing his parents did? Were they in trouble? Were they bad people? Was he a bad kid? Did they hate him?

Henry pouts as you hold his hand, walking up the driveway to the new apartment Charlie was almost one hundred percent decided on renting. It was in more of a family oriented neighbourhood, still close to his school. Somehow, it had a decent sized backyard (which you had never heard of in New York, even Brooklyn), three bedrooms, an office, a beautiful kitchen, it was basically perfect in Charlie’s eyes.

The first time he visited it back in February, he sent you dozens of pictures and little videos when he had gone alone. He quickly booked another appointment for you to go and look at him with it so he could get your opinion. He made it very clear how important your opinion was to him on this matter, he was always asking you questions about the apartment, even bringing it up randomly. He would scroll through the pictures he had taken, scrutinizing every detail and ask you about it.

Do you think the backyard is big enough?

What if I end up getting Henry a dog? Would there be enough space for that?

Do you really like the kitchen? Be honest.

What about the office room? Do I really need that? Is that too much?

What about the guest bedroom?

You wonder if he was so invested in your opinion because he trusted you, or because he wanted you to move in with them. Neither of you had ever spoken about it before, never had that conversation. And even if you did, Henry would always have the final say. If he didn’t want you living with them, well, that was that. You couldn’t argue with Henry, not when his childhood and upbringing was in question. Especially after this divorce. Charlie would do anything for him. Even if it meant risking you.

//

Charlie ended up getting the house he had been eyeing for nearly a month.

Him and Henry would restart here, no painful memories embedded in the walls, in the flooring, in the holes in the walls, the slammed door frames, the windows that threatened to shatter from all the screaming and crying. None of that was here, it would never be here. None of that would happen again.

Charlie hadn’t asked you to move in.

And you hadn’t necessarily been waiting on him asking either.

You were already coming over pretty frequently. And not just on account of Charlie, Henry still loved seeing you and hanging out with you. You still babysat him when things at the theatre ran late. 

When Nicole moved to LA, Charlie was thrown full force into his work. Forced to recast, rework, and rewrite so many things that she had just left hanging. You watched Henry those nights, stayed until Charlie got home and then took the subway back to your place, next to their now vacant apartment.

You were so lonely those nights you couldn’t sleepover at Charlie’s. You missed his warmth. You hadn’t realized just how much comfort you got knowing he was just next door, just beyond a thick wall. You could have touched it and felt his presence radiating through. But now, nothing. It was cold, dark, empty, meaningless.

And because Charlie had been so overworked for the past few months, the stress was starting to get to him. The constant obstacles and backtracking in the theatre production. The random calls from Nicole, his lawyer, the random flights down to LA, the weeks Henry spent away from him, the nights he lost himself in you, using you as an outlet. You let him, you liked it when he took it out on you, you liked how rough he would get, all that pent up anger being pounded out into your hot cunt. You loved it. Loved when he got mad, frustrated. You were always there for him. You would always be there for him, you hoped he knew that.

But what you didn’t love, was when he started neglecting you.

He would go days sometimes without calling you, so much as even texting you. You would get no word from him for a couple of days and sometimes you would just randomly piece together that he was in LA and he just forgot to tell you. You tried to not let it upset you, you couldn’t imagine what he was going through, the stress of the divorce, the potential of losing Henry, his whole life hanging by a thread. It really wasn’t his fault that he just forgot to mention it to you.

Sometimes he would lash out at you, a small comment or action rubbing him the wrong way and he would erupt, say something he didn’t mean or just walk out on you. Times when things go heated, you tried your best to keep you composure for his sake. He didn’t need you being upset at him too on top of everything else, so you kept it in, for Charlie.

Sometimes he would lash out before you two went out with his theatre friends. He would smile and hug everyone, but kept somewhat of a distance from you. Barely speaking to you, barely including you in the conversation unless someone else asked you a question or directly addressed you. What did you look like to them? Friends? Friends with benefits? Did you look like his whore? The babysitter that he was secretly fucking?

You kind of were.

You drank a lot that night. He fucked you when you got back to his new place. He fell asleep quickly after. You pulled on your long sleeve shirt and nice dress pants that you had been wearing that night after laying next to his warm, sleeping body for thirty minutes, debating, thinking, worrying, dying inside.

You stood up and walked to the door, you looked back to find him watching you. You nervously tugged at your sleeves, staring back at him until he turned around, pushing his face into the pillow, as if silently willing you to leave. You left. You called a taxi and left. You didn’t sleep that night.

//

You think it was because he told you he was going to Los Angeles again.

Maybe he mentioned Nicole? His lawyer? Something about Henry? The theatre? 

You couldn’t remember what started all of this yelling, smashing. You were over at the new place, helping Charlie organize some things for Henry before he came back with him the next time he went out to LA again, which was in a few days.

Charlie was pissed and this time, you weren’t sure how much longer you could hold your calm resolve for him.

“Charlie if you just need some space from me tell me, it won’t hurt my feelings, I understand.” You decide to try and change the subject, maybe just cutting to the chase. Offering him what you think he wants, alone time. Time away from you, from everything. There’s no way he doesn’t need a break.

You hated how quickly you would give everything up for him. You would do anything for him, anything he asked.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He asked, eyes squinting in confusion. You sigh, running a hand down your face, your patience was running thin and you didn’t want to accidentally set him off.

“Everytime you see me you manage to get frustrated or mad about something. I just don’t want to give you more problems than you already have. I know you’ve been really stressed.”

“Elaborate, please.” His voice was clipped as he put his hands on his hips, stopping what he was doing and turning to you, seemingly giving you more attention than he had in weeks. You huff, not sure how to explain this to him.

“Charlie I-”

“No, what the fuck are you trying to say? That if I fucking ended things you would just leave? No questions asked?” His voice boomed, echoing off the newly painted walls, shaking the frames of yours and Henry’s dinosaur paintings from all those months ago. 

He takes a step closer to you, you take one back, then another just for good measure. Your back hits the wall and you take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts as best as you can with him staring at you with those eyes. Those fucking eyes. They still managed to twinkle even when he was angry.

“I- I would… for Henry. You put Henry first, I put Henry first. If he wanted me gone-”

“He doesn’t fucking want you gone, you know that.” Charlie scoffed, walking closer to you, his face red in frustration, maybe anger. He says your name, it's never sounded so sad.

“Why are you lying to me?” He’s a step away from you now, chest heaving with laboured breaths. He’s trying to compose himself, you can tell. Trying to stay calm but his patience was wearing thin.

“I’m not, I w-wouldn’t lie to you, Charlie.”

“You would leave me?” You nod your head, lip trembling, tears burning, stinging in your eyes, your breathing becoming heavy too. Was this it?

“If that’s what you wanted, if you want me to leave I would.”

“Why? Why would you do something so fucking stupid?” His lip is also trembling, you feel like he’s about to spit in your face, yell at you for being such an idiotic little girl. The thought alone had you squeezing your thighs together, this was so fucked. You shouldn’t like this, shouldn’t like when he got frustrated, you resented the fact that you did.

You couldn’t think straight, the words leaving your mouth didn’t feel your own, like you were speaking some other language, possessed by a foreign being.

“Be-because…” Bile rising in your throat, you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“Fucking why? Tell me why!” He was yelling, his face in yours and his voice breaking.

“Because I… because I love-”

And then Charlie was kissing you.

Charlie was kissing you.

His tongue swiped into your mouth like he was trying to strangle you with it. His hands came to your cheeks and pressed your body flush against his and the wall, sandwiched between the two. He was hard, you could feel his cock pressing into your stomach as he rolled his hips into you, you moaned into his mouth, tears spilling down your cheeks. He didn’t wipe them away.

“Don’t say it… don’t- fucking say it.” He said against your lips, voice so hush, so quiet and scared.

“Why? Why are you afraid of me?”

“I’m not fucking afraid of you.” He says, confused, angry, lips rough on your own. He keeps trying to kiss you, you don’t want to push him away but you try, you push on his tough chest, his heart beating wildly in its cage.

“Yes you are. You keep pushing me away.” You cry, hiccupping on a ragged sob that leaves your chest, as you ironically try to push him away from you. Charlie tries to kiss you through it, trying to suffocate you.

“I’m not.” He fights.

“You are.”

“I’m not-” You push, harder this time. He stumbles back, lips already swollen, his eyes are wet, glossy too. Like yours.

“You are!” You yell, voice breaking, choking on your tears. “Don’t act like you haven’t been treating me differently for the past month.”

When Charlie says nothing, you continue.

“You don’t call me, you don’t text me, I only come over to babysit Henry when he’s here and when he’s in LA you just fuck me and then get mad about something and leave. When we go out you don’t look at me, you don’t touch me-” Your voice falters, you’re not sure you can go on with the way the sobs wrack through your chest and into the rest of your body. You feel weak, like you might collapse into the ground. You wish you would, you wish the floor would just swallow you up and you could disappear.

Charlie sees red. His fists shake, clenched into fists at his side after you’ve pushed him away. His palms burn to touch you. He knows he shouldn’t, he knows he should listen to what you’re saying, let you talk, remind him how much he’s been hurting you. He knows what he’s doing, he’s not stupid.

He wasn’t trying to push you away, he definitely wasn’t doing it on purpose. But he was sabotaging himself, sabotaging everything because he felt he didn’t deserve you. He was a bad father, a selfish person for wanting to take Henry away from his mother, for wanting Henry to himself, a bad person for hating Nicole, a woman he once loved.

Love.

It was all because of love wasn’t it? Charlie wants to laugh at the thought. Wants to laugh and scream and yell and hit something at the thought of stupid fucking love. Was he really becoming that nihilistic already?

Would he come to hate you like how he hates Nicole? Would you come to hate him the way he hates himself? The way Henry probably hates him? The way his parents hated him-

His knees hit a hard surface, blistering, blinding pain shooting up his legs. He’s collapsed onto the floor before he’s even aware of it. Unaware of the sobs that push and pull at his lungs, forcing his chest to heave in the oxygen before choking it back out along with spit and tears. 

He’s crying. You’re crying. Fuck, how did it come to this. This was all too familiar. He feels numb.

How could he love you when love was the scariest thing? When love was the most frightening emotion he had ever experienced. Everything that’s happened to him for the past two fucking years was because of love. Love would ruin everything. It always did. But he couldn’t…. he couldn’t lose-

“Y-you… you can’t- leave me.” He chokes, hands planted shakily on the floor, holding his upper body up, his arms weak.

You… you’ve never seen Charlie like this. And honestly? It scares you. Sure, you’ve heard him yell, scream, cry at Nicole, his lawyer over the phone. But this was different. This was visceral, burning desire, regret, shame, embarrassment… this was everything coming crashing down around him at once.

Fuck.

This is what you’ve been trying to avoid over the past month. That’s why you’ve tiptoed around him, letting him get angry, letting him yell, letting him ignore you, use you, fuck you and ask for nothing in return. You were avoiding this.

But maybe you had just prolonged the explosion? Let enough gas build up before it eventually burst into flames.

Eventually…

You had definitely made this worse, by ignoring it you’ve let it fester, let it rise and rise and rise, just pushing down the lid for your own sake. Maybe it was both of your own faults? You don’t know, you don’t care. This was bound to happen at some point. And it just so happened to be today. All you really care about is Charlie.

You kneel down on the floor in front of him, resting your palm on the floor like he has, letting your pinky finger graze against his. The slightest of touch as to not scare him off. He flinches, his head still hung low, eyes screwed shut.

You place your hand on top of his, feeling his burning skin, testing the waters. He doesn’t pull back so you continue your efforts. You intertwine your fingers with his, slowly, slowly lifting his hand up off the ground and closer to you. He still doesn’t look up. You keep moving his hand until it’s on your chest, covering your left breast. Only then does he look up, searching your eyes.

He feels it then. That same thing he felt the first time… the first time he had you. Your beating heart, pumping wildly in your chest just like his was. Did you know? Did you know what you did to him? Did you know how much he needed you, how much he thinks of you? Did you know that he… that he-

“I won’t.” You say, cutting him off mid thought. His hand clutches onto you through the fabric of your shirt, trying to reach through you and grab your heart into his hands. He wants to pull it from you, keep it for himself and lock it away, make sure you never fucking leave him. He was so selfish.

“I won’t leave you Charlie.” You say again when he says nothing, just watching his hand twist into the fabric of your shirt, tugging it strangely until he’s rid you of it. He places his hand back on your chest, feeling your heart better now through the barrier of only your flesh.

“I…. I’m sorry.” “You said you wouldn’t lie to me?” It feels like the first thing he’s said in hours, his voice rough around the edges, gooey in the middle. His post-yelling voice, you knew it too well.

“I wouldn’t.”

“Then why… why would you even say that? That you would leave me?”

“Because if that’s what you wanted, what you needed… I would do it. I would do anything you wanted, anything for you, Charlie.”

“Why?” He couldn’t understand. There was no fathamobale reason as to why he would deserve such devotion. Especially from you. 

You’re quiet, unsure of how to answer him. This was the same back and forth you both had before he exploded, when you almost told him you… that you lo-

“I-I don’t know how to answer… you told me not to say it.” You whimper, tears spilling from your eyes again. His hand comes to hold your cheek, thumb swiping away the tear. You nuzzle into his hand, kissing his palm. You stay there for a moment, resting your face in his palm, feeling his warmth radiating from his hands, letting a silence wash over the two of you. It was sort of peaceful. A chaotic peace.

“Charlie, I-”

“Don’t... don’t say it.” You cry some more, tears spilling. His hand moves to your throat, squeezing gently, you find it oddly comforting.

“But I want to, I want to say it, please.” You grab the wrist of the hand holding your throat, squeezing his flesh, asking.

“No.”

“Charlie-”

“I said no.” He grabs your jaw, shaking you from side to side a little. You whimper, eyes screwing shut, pushing more tears past the precipice. He pulls you into his lap, you’re putty in his hands, letting him move you however he needs to move you. He holds you in his arms, your legs wrap around his waist and his legs bring him to stand up somehow, his strength always shocking you.

“You can’t say it... you can’t leave.” He continues, you sniffle, hiding your face in his neck, grabbing onto his hair as he carries you somewhere through the apartment, up some stairs…

“I’m sorry, Charlie, I’m- sorry.” You hiccup and cry into his neck, wetting the skin. You press your lips over the newly wet skin, feeling his heartbeat flutter underneath, teeth grazing the thin flesh.

Suddenly he’s lowering you down, down, down until you come in contact with a soft surface, his mattress. Charlie crawls on top of you, you let him rest between your thighs, keeping your legs up high on his waist.

“Don’t ever fucking leave me.” You shake your head from side to side in agreement with him, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth. His hand trails down the length of your body roughly, burning your flesh in its unforgiving path. You’re left only in your jeans since he removed your shirt when you were still downstairs.

“I won’t, I-I didn’t mean-” You can barely form a proper sentence, choking on your own tears and sadness that wrack through your mind and body. Charlie’s hand in already palming your sex through the thick denim you wear, you whimper, trying to squeeze your thighs together but his body blocks them.

“Stop talking.” He barely gets out the words before he’s pressing his lips to yours again, letting his lips glide against your wobbly and swollen ones. You breathe each other in, letting your tongues dance across one anothers as you gasp and cry into his mouth. It’s all teeth and all tongue, it’s messy, clumsy, desperate, burning. You don’t care, he doesn’t either when your teeth clack against each other, nibbling on lips, biting sometimes.

Charlie flips you over underneath him so that you face the sheets, sliding down your body and roughly tugging down your jeans along with your underwear in one swift motion. You gasp as your wet cunt comes in contact with the cool air of the darkening day. Charlie stands on his knees behind you, pulling your ass up higher, higher, higher until he’s satisfied. His cheeks are warm, his ears pink at the peaks. Before either of you even have time to think, his hand comes down harshly onto your right ass cheek, you cry out, gripping the sheets by your head.

“Ch-Charlie!” You gasp, earning you another smack to your other cheek. You push your head down into the covers, trying to muffle your cries and moans as he keeps going.

His smacks you again, and again, and again and again until you’re a sobbing mess in the sheets. Words, languages lost to you in your muddled brain. A pool of spit near your mouth soaked into the white fabric, only a wet spot remaining to show for evidence of your euphoria. You can feel the imprint of his hand on your ass, you know it's burning red, you know the skin is raised and puffy. You fucking love it.

Charlie’s chest is heaving, breaths labored as he takes it all out on you like he knows you need it, knows you love it. He does too; love it and need it. The way your ass gets so much brighter, how big the imprint he’s left on you is. How fucking perfect you are for him... He’s pulling off his shirt before he knows it, shedding his pants too until he’s in nothing but his underwear. You’ve stayed exactly where you are, not daring to move a muscle since he hasn’t instructed you otherwise.

“So now you listen.” Charlie mutters to himself, it's barely audible to you since the blood is coursing so loudly through your veins, through your ears. You’re buzzing.

Charlie pushes you back down on the mattress so you lay completely flat. He pulls your jeans and underwear down the rest of your legs until you lay there bare before him. He inhales sharply at the sight of you. He could see the way you glisten for him, he could feel it on his hand when he had spanked you, your arousal having begun to trail down the tops of your thighs, he moaned at the sight.

His hand comes flying down, this time spanking you roughly on your pussy causing you to lurch forward into the sheets, crying out his name pathetically again. He leans over you, keeping his hand clutched tightly around your cunt, feeling your juices seep between his fingers, you moan and try to press back into his hand but he just slaps it again, your eyes screwing shut. He’s nearly got his entire weight on top of you, his hot breath fanning across your cheek as he comes close to your face.

“You’re so fucking wet for me… you want it that badly?” You nod your head vigorously.

“Yes! Yes, Charlie I want you, I-I need you so badly, please.”

“Hmmm, what do you need?”

“Anything, y-your fingers…”

“Where”

“... in me, in me please.” You’re completely desperate, your crying and sobbing from earlier making you especially weak to his ways, his voice, his body. God, he could do anything to you, and you would let him, you would beg him, you would thank him.

Slowly, Charlie sinks one thick finger into your soaking cunt. Your eyes roll into the back of your head as he pumps it slowly, in and out, in and out of you. You try and push your hips back to meet the small thrust of his finger but he keeps you pinned down.

Charlie could feel you clenching around his single digit and he groaned next to your ear, nibbling on the soft lobe as he continued his ministrations. You whined, withered underneath the weight of his body, his hot chest pressing into your back, pressing you into the mattress. 

“Charlie, please I-”

“What? You need more? You need more from me?”

“Please.” Charlie draws his index finger out of you before joining it with his middle one, probing your entrance teasingly, swirling his fingers around it but never going in.

“Fuck-”

“Do you think you deserve it?” He didn’t deserve it, didn’t deserve you, your pussy, none of it. He was only projecting his worthlessness onto you. He didn’t mean it, he couldn’t.

“N-no.” You say, tears welling in your eyes from a multitude of things. Overstimulation being one of them. You tried to get your hips to stop pressing into his hand but it was so hard when the temptation was right there.

“No… you don’t.” He kisses the tears that slip from your eye, pressing a finger to your mouth and you gladly take it in, laving your tongue around his salty, rough skin. His two fingers at your entrance finally push in deeper, causing you to cry out around his finger that was in your mouth, drool slipping past your lips.

Then he starts pumping, quickly, and you can’t stop the way your hips push into his hand, trying to meet him halfway through his thrusts, needing more so badly. You moan around his fingers, he echoes your moans back into your ear. You can feel his cock filling out, getting harder and harder against the back of your legs where it still lays confined in his underwear.

All too quickly he pulls his fingers from you and spanks your pussy again, you choke on a cry around the finger that’s still in your mouth. You’re already wrecked, and he’s nowhere near done with you.

“You only get to cum on my cock, understand?” You nod your head with vigour, eyes trying to meet his from where he’s positioned, behind you yet over top of you. You can feel him moving around, pulling his fingers from your mouth and his underwear off as best as he can without moving too far away from you.

“I understand, Charlie.” You cry, the tears unrelenting at this point, beyond your control.

Fuck, what weas he doing? Why was he doing this now?

What other way did he really have though, to show you what you mean to him? Definitely not words, no. No matter how much he writes for the theatre, words could never come close to describing what he feels for you, what he needs from you, wants from you, what he wants to give to you, tell you, provide you. None of it, no language would do.

Nothing would come closer to his body on you, in you, moving in tandem with you, hearts so close together that he loses sense of himself and just feels you wrapped so tightly around him in every sense. That’s the only way he could show you, the only way he could tell you.

He grabs his cock in his hand, pumping himself slowly and rests his head on your shoulder, groaning into your skin at the sensation. “Beg.” He spits, his lips moving against your flesh. He rubs the head of his cock against your slick folds and you yelp, pressing your hips back but he anticipated it, drawing his hips back, away from you.

“Charlie, please I-I need you so badly, I’ve never wanted… anything else but you, I just- please, I need you so bad, I-I, l...love-”

“I told you not to fucking say it.” He grits from behind clenched teeth, slapping your ass harshly and you let a sob leave your lips. The burn was so good.

“I-I’m sorry, I can’t help it-” You whine, fists bunching up the sheets with a grip so deadly your skin is turning white. He lets his head drop to your shoulder again, his own eyes screwing shut, trying to will his own tears away as he continues to run his cock along your pleading entrance, collecting whatever arousal has seeped out of you.

“Fuuuck, perfect little pussy... so desperate for my cock, isn’t it?” He mutters, almost to himself as he watches the way his cock moves between your glistening folds. Unashamed, you keep crying, moaning at the feeling of his big cock so close to where you need him most, nodding your head.

“Please, Charlie I need you inside m- fuck, just put it in, please-”

Your breath hitches in your throat as you feel him press in with the tip, letting the spongy head break through your folds and slightly dip into your entrance. Your fists clench and unclench against the sheets. With a sharp ‘fuck’ Charlie presses the rest of his long, thick cock into you, both of you moaning and breathing in one another.

He lets his cock sit in you, coming to interlock his fingers with yours, pinning your hands above your head, elongating both of your bodies but mostly yours, from how much longer his body is. Only then does he start snapping his hips into yours, letting his thrusts punch out your moans and cries from your chest.

At this angle, he’s hitting places inside of you so deep you never thought you could fathom, filling you up to the brim, you swear you can feel him in your stomach, punching your guts into your throat with every violent thrust.

You moan his name without relent, it’s the only thing you could possibly ever know. Charliecharliecharliecharliecharlie to infinity. You never wanted to know anything else, no other thought suddenly as interesting as him. He was the only thing that mattered. The way his cock filled you was dizzying, mind-numbing, and bone-shattering.

“You always need me so badly, you could never leave me, never leave this cock. Desperate little slut.” Charlie groans, head resting on your back as his powerful thrusts push you up the bed. He latches a hand around one of your hips, trying to keep you pinned down.

“You would never fucking leave me, you’d never fucking do it.” He continues, maybe to himself. You can feel him nuzzling his face into the skin on your shoulder, kissing and biting the skin, leaving a mark in his wake like he always does.

“I won’t, Charlie- I won’t, I promise.” You hiccup, his thrusts unrelenting in their assault. You could feel your release building, that bright white feeling rising inside of you. The only sounds in the room were your breathy moans, Charlie’s growls and the loud slap of skin on skin, his hips colliding with your ass every time.

“Dont ever say that s-shit again- dont ever fucking leave me. Don’t - ever. Fucking. Leave.” He growled, biting your shoulder and punctuating his words with harsher thrusts, fucking into you.

“I’m s-sorry Charlie-” You’re cut off by a sensation on your back. Hot, wet, slippery. Charlie sniffles. 

He’s crying, burning holes into your flesh as they land on your back. Your own eyes well up all over again. The pleasure of his cock deep, deep, deep inside you and the emotions flowing through both of you was overwhelming, overstimulating, your mind was going blank, you felt like you would black out.

You hear it then, his quiet cries, the way his chest shakes as he finally lets it go, lets it out. And then he’s suddenly pulling out of you, grabbing one of your ankles and one side of your hip, flipping you over quickly, hiking your legs back up around his waist and continuing his punishing, relentless pace. You moan embarrassingly loudly as you watch the way his stomach flexes into you, the way his chest tightens and constricts, the flush that spreads from in between his marvelous pecs to his cheeks, his dark wet eyes, the red that fills them, the way his eyelashes clump together, making them look longer, darker, the dark halo of hair that frames his face. Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

It was beyond you at this point, you couldn’t stop what was already put into motion.

“Oh, Charlie…” You cry, chest arching into his, your nails scraping his biceps. He moans at the pain, dropping his forehead to yours. You’ve never heard him moan like this, never seen him cry like this, never seen him so lost and completely gone in you.

Even if it was a mistake.

Even if you would regret it tomorrow.

Or five minutes from now.

Or immediately afterwards.

It was the truth, your truth. His truth. It was the only thing you could ever possibly know.

“I love you.” You cry, burning tears streaming down your cheeks. Charlie’s eyes meet yours, lost, delirious, shocked.

“You… y-you can’t.” He doesn’t tell you to stop this time. Doesn’t tell you to shut up, doesn’t tell you how dumb and pathetic it is to love him. You love him.

“I do, Charlie I-I do. Fuck, I love you so fucking much.” You whine, nails biting the skin on his back. His hips never stop, he’s fucking common sense and all things rational out of your mind. All you know is him. All you ever want to know is him, Charlie.

His chin wobbles, moans escape past his lips as he refuses to stop fucking you, his cock so fucking hard it hurts him, almost more than this. Almost more than the chant that has started to leave your lips, the floodgates have been opened and you can’t stop your confession now.

“I love you, I love you- shit, Charlie I love you, I love you so much, I love your fucking cock, fuck!” You couldn't stop, you felt like you could never stop at this point. You never wanted to stop saying it, never wanted to stop telling him. You loved him, you loved him, you loved him.

“You’re… you’re not real… you’re- fuck, too fucking good for m-me.” Charlie gasps, his hips speeding up, his cock growing harder somehow. You feel him pulse inside of you. Your eyes roll into the back of your head, mouth hanging agape, no sound being emitted from you. Charlie moves his lips down to your exposed throat, kissing and sucking on the delicate skin before wrapping a firm hand around it, not squeezing too tight.

“Yours.” You manage to choke out, gripping onto his wrist that's at your throat with all the strength you had with your body gone pleasure weak. Charlie moans your name, it makes you cry more.

“I’m yours, Charlie.” You manage to say more clearly, using all your willpower to look him in the eyes. His eyes are blown black, the dark circles underneath them so, so pigmented. You could feel the crescendo building, he was about to break. His lips were glossy, spit slicked and roughly bitten.

“You’re mine.” He confirms, more to himself than to you. He just… he felt like he could never be sure enough. Like he would never believe that you were his. That you were in love with him.

You nod your head, hands interlocking behind his head, gripping tightly into his hair.

“I’m yours, yours.” You keen, hips rolling into his as you both neared your release. His hand around your throat keeps you pinned in place as his fucks you into the mattress, moaning, groaning, crying your name. The slight added pressure makes you see stars, your pussy flutters around his cock and your back arches, pressing your chest into his but Charlie keeps you exactly where you are, your body convulsing as you cum, cum, cum around his cock, screaming his name.

“M’gonna cum, gonna f-fucking cum s-so deep inside, fill you up-”

“Please, Charlie.” You whine, dumb from the high that he continues to fuck you through, tears stained on the skin of your cheeks. You tug on his hair roughly, meeting his thrusts with a roll of your hips and that sends Charlie over the edge.

“Fhuuuck-” He lifts his head slightly, to look at you better as he splits you open one final time, his cock stilling in the deepest parts of you before he cums so fucking deep inside your pussy with the most guttural moan.

He fucks his cum back in to you until it’s seeping back out onto his cock. He groans so loudly you feel it in your bones. His hands wrap around your upper body, holding you tightly as he spins to lay on the mattress, holding your body to his chest, his cock still nestled deep inside of you.

Charlie gives you a small thrust, pushing and mixing his cum with yours one final time. You gasp and cling to him, your nails digging slightly into his muscular pec at the sensation, the delicious burn. You feel so incredibly full, so full of your Charlie. You love him.

“I lo-”

“I love you.”

Your heart must have stopped beating, your lungs, forgotten their functionality, your brain short circuited, your limbs incapacitated.

You looked up at him with those big, shiny wet eyes. You looked like a fawn, lost on the side of the road who just found someone who could help them. Someone kind, someone gentle, honest, safe, warm. Someone worth loving. He was worth loving. Charlie was worth loving.

But you already knew that.

He said it again, so low in the dark room, the dark night, eclipsed with spilled feelings and sweat, tears too. So many fucking tears. His voice so low it almost didn’t register, the deep vibrato rumbling your insides and warming you up all over again. 

He said it with you curled up on his chest, he said it again when you moved up his body to press your face into the crook of his neck, pressing your lips to his bruised skin, he said it as tears spilled from your eyes. He would say it as you fell asleep on him in the deadly hours of the night and again in the morning when you woke. He would remind you constantly, he couldn’t stop, couldn’t hold it in. Not anymore.

He would tell you he loves you a million and one times from then on, until you didn’t want to hear it from him anymore. 

tag list! @morby @shesakillerkween @gamingaquarius​ 

[starcherryberry]

ℂ𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕣𝕤 → 𝕐𝔾 𝕩 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕩 𝕁𝕂 | 𝕄.

→ ❝ With your final semester left of university you expected to go through it easily however an issue with your credits leads you to take Professor Min’s Painting 101 course.❞

☾ Pairing: Professor!Yoongi Painter!Yoongi x Student!Reader x Student!Jungkook (this was suppose to be a yoongi x reader but somehow my mind wandered and jungkook came in lmao it be like that sometimes)

☾ Type: Poly!Relationship (literally you won’t see it until like the ending but oops)

☾ Genre: Smut  ☆  Angst  ☆  Fluff

☾ Word Count: 7.3k

↠ Warnings: there is an age gap between all characters involved, if you are not comfortable with that please refrain from reading. Dom!Yoongi, Dom!Jungkook, Big Cock!Yoongi, Big Cock!Jungkook, Sub!Reader, fingering, Public Sex in classroom, Body Worship (mainly JK), cockwarming (sort of not really but like for a few mins) unprotected sex (jeez many times someone wrap their doodles please)

✉ Song Recommendations: (I love kdrama osts don’t hate me, also these are all spotify links so use youtube if you don’t have it) (Legit none of these fit the tone of the fic I just luv to recommend sht hehe)

♡ Weki Meki- Love Diamond

♡  Jus2- Take

♡  Junggigo- Too Good

♡  Punch, Glabingo- Beautiful Beautiful (watch hit the top it’s a beautiful kdrama hehe)

✉ Note: Anyways this is my first fic to be uploaded on tumblr! I spent a long time revising & working on this legit I have been staring at my computer for way too long and my eyes hurt because I wanted to get this out. It’s currently 4am as I upload this so if there are errors in the text I apologize in advance. (a girl is tired) Please don’t steal! This fanfic was inspired by the constant Youtube painting lives Yoongi has had. In the midst of writing I added Jungkook because he added more into the story. I was thinking of making this into a Occupation!BTS collection where I can make one for each member with different story lines. Let me know if you want me to do so in the comments below! (okay im talking to much bye)

“Y/N it seems like you still need 4 more credits added to your schedule to be eligible to graduate this semester.” your advisor told you. You honestly didn’t know you still needed more credits to graduate, you never cared to look. So when it came to registering, you signed up for the courses you needed as part of your International Studies degree. 

“What courses are still available for registration?” you asked even though you knew the number of courses to be left must be very few. “Well there is one course open, it’s Professor Min’s Painting 101. He’s a new professor here so it makes sense as to why not many students signed up with him yet.  Even though this course isn’t a requirement for your major, it will definitely cover up for the credits you need Y/N so I suggest you sign up for this. His course runs every Friday at 1 pm-3 pm” your advisor said as she handed you a summary of Professor Min’s course.

You looked over the summary of the course to know what you’re getting yourself into. It was a 101 class so of course, you will be in a class full of freshmen. That wasn’t too exciting however you didn’t mind painting, you are actually quite great at it as a hobby. With one last look at the sheet, you turn to your advisor “Okay I’ll take the course”.

It was finally Friday and today includes your very first class with Professor Min. Unfortunately, you couldn’t go on Rate My Professor to see what kind of teacher was he since he’s new. ‘I swear if he’s an asshole, I’m gonna give him a fucking one’ you thought to yourself. 

You were standing right in front of his classroom, sighing you stepped in to see a couple of students already seated. You tried looking for a seat next to an empty one only to see none, so you had to sit next to someone. Looking around the classroom to observe the students there, you saw a boy with long hair covering his eyes. ‘He looks like someone who won’t speak to me that’s perfect’ you thought as you made your way over and sat next to the boy. 

The boy looked up, staring at you for a bit before speaking “Hello! My name is Jungkook” he said smiling. ‘Oh for fuck’s sake, I forgot how friendly these freshmen are on the first day because they have no friends’ you thought. “Uh, h-hi my name is Y/N” you waved slightly at him. 

“Are you majoring in arts too?” he asked, his eyes were wide in a cute way. “No, actually I’m an International Studies major. I’m only taking this course for extra credits to graduate” you smiled at him. “Oh...so you must be older than me” he chuckled. You had, to be honest, his laugh was pretty cute. “Yeah I’m 22 however I’d like to think I was younger” you laughed and Jungkook laughed with you. You and Jungkook continued to talk until class began.

Suddenly the door opened and revealed a man who looked young with long brown and blonde hair. ‘Fuck he’s hot’ you thought as your gaze focused on him walking in. Jungkook leaned in and whispered in your ear “He’s quite the eye candy right” and you nodded. What else were you supposed to say of course you didn’t expect your painting professor to be a man who looked like he was in his mid 20’s. 

Professor Min’s eyes scanned the classroom before stopping on you for a bit. You could feel your face reddening as you felt his gaze on you. ‘Fuck stop thinking like this Y/N’. As you looked up at Professor Min he broke the stare and sat at his desk. “Okay, my name is Professor Min and welcome to my Painting 101 class, this course will include beginner level painting. You will learn the steps to becoming a better painter. I expect each and every one of you to come out of this class with at least more confidence in the arts.” he said as he looked over the class. 

Professor Min then took out his clipboard with the attendance sheet. He checked off each student one by one before hovering over your name tilting his head before looking up at you “Miss Y/N?” You immediately looked up at him “Yes?”. “It says here you’re a senior majoring in International Studies, is there a reason why you’re taking my course?” he asked still having his gaze on you.

“Ah um well I needed an extra course to get enough credits to graduate this semester and your course was the only option. However, I really like to paint as a hobby so I thought this class would be easy to take!” You answered trying to sound like you’re happy with taking the class. Professor Min nodded to your response “I see well welcome to the class as well” he smiled before standing up. 

“So for today’s class, we’ll start easy. Each of you will be doing individual work today by making a simple painting of your choice. I decided to make this a first-day activity because I want to see where you are in terms of levels of performance with painting however expect me to make some comments as this is a college course not a high school course. This will be due in class today. I expect each of you to explain your paintings and why you made them the way they are. You have 2 hours, so please get to your stations, the materials needed are on the carts in the corner.” Professor Min stated as he went back to his desk and started to go over some paperwork while we all began to work.

The two hours of painting were almost up and to be honest you were very satisfied with your painting. You painted two pink roses tied together that were falling from the sky. ‘Professor Min is going to love this’ you smiled at the thought. Jungkook looked over your shoulder to see what you painted and laughed a bit. “That’s definitely very simple but it’s cute Y/N,” he laughed giving you a light pat on the back. You turned to see what Jungkook painted to see that he made a fucking portrait of himself A PORTRAIT! “What the fuck Jungkook how did you get that done within just 2 hours?” you ask as now you felt not so confident in your painting anymore. “Well, I am a visual arts major what did you expect” Jungkook laughed as you rolled your eyes.

“Okay the 2 hours are up, I will start walking around the class to individually speak about your paintings. Once I grade them you can leave the classroom. I will post your homework for the week on canvas so make sure to check!” Professor Min said as he started to walk around the classroom to grade students.

Soon enough he reached Jungkook and he had no problem explaining his portrait of himself. “I really love the details of your painting Jungkook, I can see you will probably be one of the more advanced skilled students in our class, your grade for this assignment is an A” Professor Min smiled as he then turned to your painting. Jungkook had packed up his things and waved at you before leaving the classroom. 

It was just you and Professor Min in the classroom so the amount of nervousness you felt was really high. “Alright Y/N explain your painting to me” he asked as he looked directly at you. “Well, as you can see I painted two pink roses tied together that are also in the midst of falling from the sky. I actually didn’t know what to paint at the beginning if I had to be honest but I just let my head flow with whatever came to my mind first which was roses. Roses signify love, I’ve actually never felt that before but pink roses comfort me a lot which is why I painted them falling from the sky. The roses are not within the grass they are falling because they haven’t gotten to me even though I think about them a lot.” You were satisfied with your answer as you smiled at Professor Min.

He nodded and looked at your painting again. “I like the story behind this painting Y/N however I feel like you can add more detail in your painting. Maybe add something else to pair with the flowers or add some scenery behind it so it doesn’t look like a plain sky. I see lots of paintings like this Y/N and it’s too simple for the meaning behind it when other paintings look exactly like this. Try and add more of your other feelings to this. I will give you a C for this however if you take it home and re-do it, I can consider regrading your work” Professor Min said as he wrote down your grade on his clipboard and smiled “I’ll see you next Friday Miss Y/N” he said as he walked back to his desk. 

You just stood there trying to process what the fuck he just told you. It needed more detail, more work? You were sure you added everything you needed that was in your head. ‘I can’t believe this, Jungkook painted himself and got an A, what did I do wrong?’ you thought. “Miss Y/N are you alright?” Professor Min spoke up as he saw you still standing at your station. You snapped out of it and nodded over at him “Y-yeah I was just thinking of something else sorry, have a nice day!” you said as you grabbed your bag and your painting before rushing out the classroom. ‘I hope you choke on your fucking coffee Professor Min’ you thought as soon as you exited.

It was Friday again and throughout the week you worked on revising your painting as well as become close friends with Jungkook. “Did you get your painting done Y/N?” Jungkook asked as you sat down next to him. “Yeah, I was able to finish it hopefully he’s happy with this one even though I don’t understand what I did wrong in the first place,” you said sighing while taking your painting out and setting it next to your desk. “I thought it was fine even though it was simple, I think he’s just messing with you” Jungkook laughed. “If he’s messing with me I will chop his dick off for real,” you said frustrated.“ “I see I hope you don’t plan on doing that to me too” Jungkook laughed again. “As long as you don’t piss me off too much Kook then you’ll be fine” you smiled.

In the midst of talking, Professor Min walked in “Good Afternoon class, I hope you all have your homework ready to hand in. It will be the first thing we talk about in class today”. He said as he walked up to the chalkboard to write the word ‘blue’ on it. Shit shit shit, you forgot to do your homework because you were so focused on trying to redo your painting. Seeing you in distress, Jungkook handed you a sheet of paper and winked at you. You saw a post-it note on it and it said ‘I know you were trying to get your painting done all week so I did your homework for you!’. You smiled at the note before turning to Jungkook to give him a finger heart.

“So today before we start class we will go over the homework. Before I do that please pass them up so I know none of you are going to try adding in answers.” Professor Min said as we all started to hand our homework up. “This week’s homework was to give off your own meaning of the color blue, what does it mean to you and why did you think of that when you see or think of the color blue? Compared to many other colors, blue seems to be misinterpreted the most so I wanted to see what you all thought about it before we go more into observing colors” Professor Min said as he looked over the class before his eyes landed on you. “Miss Y/N what does the color blue mean to you,” he asked.

Trying to remember what you saw in your homework that Jungkook did you tried to answer. “When I see the color blue I think about the feeling of loneliness, it’s a color that for some reason emits sadness. Whenever I am alone and have no one, the color that first comes into mind to describe my feeling is blue,” you said as you exhaled feeling like you were holding your breath because you could still feel Professor Min’s intense gaze on you. He stared at you before responding “That’s an answer I expected, I am sure many of us had similar answers. The color blue definitely has a sort of tie to sadness however blue can have other meanings too, for example, it can symbolize healing.” Professor Min said. 

“Since we have about an hour left, I’d like for you all to go to your stations, and paint a fruit that represents you, the fruit must contain one of the colors we talked about today. Expect that all your paintings in class to represent yourself, because painting expresses the feeling of the artist themselves.” Professor Min said as he smiled.

“This is going to be a piece of cake,” Jungkook said as he turned to his canvas. “Do you think he’s going to correct me on this painting too?” you asked Jungkook while getting your palette out. He shook his head “Nah, come on Y/N this is fucking fruit we’re talking about there’s no way he won’t give you an A”. You honestly hope Jungkook was speaking the truth.

The class was almost over and the fruit you ended up painting was strawberries. You thought it came out pretty cute. As you turned to Jungkook’s painting you tilted your head “Weren’t we supposed to paint only one fruit, why did you paint a whole fruits basket?” you asked. Jungkook shrugged “I didn’t know what fruit to paint, I feel like I am someone with many traits that can’t be linked to just one fruit, so hopefully Professor Min likes it.” he said.

Professor Min started to walk around the classroom in order so that meant you would be last in the classroom again. He reached Jungkook “Wow Jungkook it seems as you thought outside of the box, tell me what your painting means,” Professor Min said happily. Jungkook chuckled before responding “Well I feel like my life can’t be represented through one fruit, I like to think highly of myself so painting every fruit I could think of expresses that I am happy and that having all these traits is not a problem as long as I feel content with it” Jungkook explained.

Professor Min nodded “You impressed me yet again Jungkook, that’s an A” he smiled as he moved onto your station. Jungkook gave you a huge smile and a thumbs up before leaving the classroom. “Before you show me your fruit painting I want to see your revised painting of your roses Y/N,” Professor Min said. You handed him the painting of your roses. “I added a scenery behind the roses, as you can see I added an ocean behind them. You don’t see flowers growing near the ocean, I put them there because reaching the feeling of love is rare for me and it usually wouldn’t go too far so the roses would die even if they land in the sand or water.” You spoke hoping Professor Min can give you an A.

Professor Min sighed “I think you’re thinking to deep into your feelings Y/N, the painting is beautiful actually however I’m sure love will be successful to you one day. I will up your grade for this painting to an A” he said as he moved onto your fruit painting. “Thank you! For my fruit painting, I decided to paint strawberries, they represent happiness because whenever I go eat them I’m always reminded of the pretty things in life.” You stated happily. “I think that’s a nice way to go about it Y/N however I think your strawberries need a little more detailing maybe add a prop like how jungkook added his fruits into a basket. I’ll give this a C, feel free to re-do it, and turn it in next Friday.” Professor Min said as he turned away without letting you speak.

What the fuck a C again? You didn’t understand but you didn’t care. If Professor Min wanted you to fix it then you will because you simply just wanted to graduate.

As each week passed by you became more and more frustrated. No matter what you did with all your paintings Professor Min always gives you a C just to regrade to an A once you redid them. “I’m literally going to fucking kill him if he gives me a C one more damn time” you rolled your eyes as you started to eat your pizza. 

“I think he’s hitting on you Y/N” Jungkook simply said as he sipped his banana milk. With that, you started to choke on your food “W-what?” you were sure that was not it, definitely, Professor Min hates you. “I don’t know it’s just weird that he keeps doing that and that he leaves you for last when it comes to grading. Plus you’re a senior right? Professor Min is only 27 there’s not too big of an age gap between the two of you.” he shrugged as he bit his pizza. “There’s no way in fucking hell he’s hitting on me, plus isn’t that illegal for a professor to do that?!” you questioned

“Not really as long as you both give consent to each other and keep it low it’s fine, plus you’re graduating so I don’t think he sees an issue.” Jungkook said as you hit him in the head with your phone “Well I promise you that’s not it, let’s not talk about this anymore kook” Jungkook grabbed his head chuckling while you just wanted to shut the conversation off because you honestly didn’t know how to feel if Professor Min actually liked you.

“Alright, so I will be walking around the classroom to look at the different birds each of you painted. This is the last assignment before I give you your final project next week, so I hope many of you improved with this assignment if it’s not good you may have trouble with the final as I will not be offering any regrading on it.” Professor Min firmly stated.

Time passed as he went to each student before reaching Jungkook. “What do we have here Jungkook?” Professor Min asked. “I painted a bluebird Professor Min, I thought it was perfect to paint as it symbolizes the arrival of spring but with the semester ending, I feel like I have put my all into all my works so the bluebird also symbolizes hard work!” Jungkook smiled while answering. “Nicely done Jungkook, you never fail to amaze me with your work. Your grade for this assignment is an A. I actually want to speak with you in my office tomorrow, even though you’re a freshman I feel like I wouldn’t mind having you as a mentor in my courses for next term.” Professor Min said as he smiled widely at Jungkook. ‘Thank you so much, I would love to help mentor students!” Jungkook smiled even his eyes fucking smiled. 

Professor Min walked over to you pulling out your grading sheet. Jungkook packed all of his things happily as he made a big heart with his hands before leaving the classroom. He has a habit of cheering you on with a cute gesture before Professor Min grades you.

“Seems like you have a similar color palette as Jungkook, what bird did you paint,” he asked looking at you. “I painted a Blue Jay Professor Min they have a meaning of being fearless. The reason why I painted it wasn’t because of the meaning but because of the color blue. I was reminded back to the popular meaning of the color blue, sadness. Even though the Blue Jay is fearless it makes me think if it sometimes feels lonely while pulling that Fearless front. I always try to stay strong for myself and pull through but there’s a point where I feel stuck but I don’t want to speak about it. We all experience fear in our lives whether that be alone or with someone else.” You exhaled as you said all of that. ‘Gosh talking for that long while having Professor Min’s stare is having too much of an effect on you’. 

“Wow Y/N the meaning you put to your painting is amazing, I love the connection” he squinted at the painted before continuing. “I think you should add something into the painting that shows what the Blue Jay may have a fear of. Other than that your grade is a C. You can come into my office after Jungkook tomorrow if you want to speak more into redoing this pro-” you cut him off as at this point you already had enough.

“Why a C, I don’t understand Professor Min please make me understand why you give me a fucking C every single time just for you to give me an A after I fix minor mistakes! This isn’t right and I want a true explanation why,” you yelled as you tried to slow down with your breathing.

“Y/N please lower your tone when speaking to me” he calmly said. “No! Just tell me why! I fix everything for you just for you to do the same shit all over again” you said already feeling tears coming up “Just why, please” you begged

“Y/N….your paintings always came out beautiful even without the regrading. I was interested in you on the first day of class when I noticed you were a bit older than all the other students, you stood out to me because this also isn’t your major of focus. You stood out in so many ways and I guess I wanted to get close to you. However, as my status as a professor, I can’t just do it so easily so my way of doing it was trying to keep you in the classroom and in contact with me as long as possible. I wanted to see you more Y/N because I like you.” Professor Min said as he looked into your eyes trying to at least find something.

“P-professor Min…” you stuttered surprised by his confession. “Please call me Yoongi Y/N, class is over” he stated as he got closer to you. “I don’t know what to say...Yoongi” you said moving your gaze to the floor, you couldn’t believe he was doing all this because he liked you, Jungkook was right. Yoongi grabbed your chin lightly as he lifted it before he placed his lips on yours. You kissed back slowly as Yoongi placed his hand behind your head to deepen it.

You could feel yourself starting to get hot as things got intense with the kiss and somehow you’re at Yoongi’s desk sitting on his lap. “Fuck Y/N you’re so beautiful did you know that I’ve been thinking about you like this for a while now,” he said in between the kiss as he could feel you trying to rut on his bulge. He chuckled “I bet your so wet right now Y/N look at you rutting against my cock that’s not even out for you yet.” You whined as you just wanted some pleasure, it’s been a while since you hooked up with anyone. “Yoongi please I just want your cock,” you said trying to rub your clothed core on his lap for stimulation. “Yeah? Want my cock right here huh when anyone can walk in and see my cock stuffed in your pussy?” Yoongi kissed your neck as you moaned. His words were so dirty which turned you on even more. “Yes yes Y-yoongi I need it!” you cried out.

“I need your pants off  Y/N,” he said as he helped you take off your pants leaving you in just your underwear. You couldn’t believe you were doing this in a classroom with your own Professor. You helped Yoongi take his pants off and then you were left staring at his boxers. “Y/N take my cock out and suck” he demanded as he stared at you. You could tell he was already eye-fucking you. You put your hand into the opening of his boxers and pulled out his cock. 

Fuck. He. Was. Huge 

You didn’t waste time given the circumstances you’re in, you started to suck his cock. You couldn’t fit all of him it was too much however Yoongi grabbed the back of your head forcing his cock to go all the way in your mouth making you tear up. “Fuck Y/N that’s it take this cock, I think I’ll come soon” Yoongi growled as he guided your head down his cock. While you were sucking, Yoongi took out his phone to capture the sight of you. He never painted nude paintings because he wanted to wait for someone he loved to do so. Just by looking at you, he wanted to make you into art for only him to see. 

You could feel Yoongi’s grip on your head tighten signaling that he was close to cumming. “Y/N where do you want me to cum sweetheart,” he asked looking down at you his hair sticking to his skin. You pointed to your mouth as you couldn’t form words obviously. “Your mouth is so good for me Y/N taking this cock so well” he grunted before he shot his cum into your mouth slowing down the pace of his hand on your head.

You swallowed every drop before lifting yourself onto his lap and leaning in to kiss him again. “Y/N I want my cock inside you,” he said as he grabbed your ass and positioned you over the tip of his cock before slamming inside you. “Yoongi! Fuck ugh!” you moaned out loud before Yoongi placed his hand on your mouth. “Baby you have to be quiet unless you want to let the whole school know your mine” he whispered in your ear. You moaned loudly into his hands, you couldn’t help it because Yoongi didn’t even let you adjust to his cock.

“Your pussy is so tight Y/N I might cum sooner then I thought” he moaned as he flips you over. Your face was now against his desk as Yoongi was fucking you from behind. “C-cum inside me Y-yoongi!” you cried out without thinking. Yoongi started to thrust harder and deeper “Shit okay Y/N, Do you like that? Having your professors cock inside your sweet little pussy to make you nice and full?” he growled as he started to slam his cock in and out your pussy. “Yes yes yes! I like that Y-yoongi! I-I’m going to cum fuck!” You suddenly saw white spots as your orgasm hit, you could feel Yoongi’s pace fastening as he started to spurt his cum into you.

Oh, fuck what have I done.

Yoongi pulled out slowly catching his breath before putting on his pants. “Y/N? Are you okay sweetheart?” he asked as he grabbed some tissues to clean you up. Without taking a glance at him you started to quickly put on your clothes. “Y/N?” he called out worried that you weren’t responding. “We can’t do this Yo- Professor Min it’s inappropriate and was a mistake I need to go,” you said as you teared up. You quickly grabbed your things ignoring Professor Min’s calling out.

You dialed Jungkook’s number hoping he would pick up. “Hey Y/N finished with talking with Professor Min?” he answered as you sniffled. “Y/N? Are you okay? Do you need me to take you back to your dorm?” he asked. “Please hurry Kook, I c-can’t do this” you pleaded. Jungkook comforted you through the phone as he went over to pick you up.

“So you had sex with Professor Min?” Jungkook blinked repeatedly as he was trying to take in the whole story. You nodded wiping your tears “It was wrong but it felt so good and it’s bothering me kook, I don’t know what to tell him.” Jungkook handed you a tissue “Y/N there’s obviously feelings between the both of you the only thing stopping you are each other statuses. The fact that Yoongi didn’t kick you out of the classroom and offered to clean you shows that he isn’t one of those people. I’m sure he’s hurt too Y/N. The best advice I can give is for both of you to give each other space until you’re ready to confirm your feelings back. If you realize the relationship is no good then let him know.” he stated as he gave you a hug. “Thank you, Kook. I’m surprised you don’t have a girlfriend when you’re so nice” you tried to smile as you were in Jungkook’s arm. 

“I do have a crush on someone but I don’t think she likes me back” he sighed. “At least try but don’t fuck up like me” you chuckled. Jungkook nodded the problem was that you didn’t know that you were his crush. Jungkook was in love with you but he knew that it was never going to happen.

It was suddenly Friday again which means you had to see Yoongi. You were nervous you had no contact with him since you two had sex. You walked into the classroom seeing Jungkook give you a warm smile. Jungkook pointed in front of you so you looked over just to see Professor Min was early however he looked less like his happy self.

“Alright, so today’s class will be short because I will assign you all your final projects. For this project, you must make a collage of a color with multiple shades that speak words. You have 2 weeks to complete this project class dismissed.” Professor Min said as he gathered his things and left the classroom.

“Woah that was quick, Professor Min always uses his full class time no matter what,” Jungkook said as he sighed. “I think it’s because of me Kook, fuck what have I done. I really fucked everything up I’m sure instead of a C he’s going to give me an F.” You felt like crying, to be honest. “Hey, it’s okay. Want to come over my place to destress? We can watch Disney movies?” Jungkook smiled as he wanted to make you happy. You nodded “That would be great Kook” you smiled.

You and Jungkook were currently on the 5th Disney movie for the night. “Why can’t my love life be like a Disney movie, I feel like my story with Yoongi is like one of those tragedies before they get remade into a Disney Movie” you sighed reaching for some strawberries. Jungkook’s grip tightened on his cup of juice, he hated how you only spoke about Yoongi since the incident occurred. “Y/N if you keep thinking about Professor Min you’ll only stress yourself out more, give it a rest for just a bit, and maybe talk with him when finals are done?” he suggested. 

“The problem is that he’s all I ever think about Jungkook, I really thought I could forget about him even while watching these movies but it’s worse now.” you sighed. Jungkook looked at you for a moment before suggesting something that made you confused. “Then let me help you forget,” he said as he looked into your eyes. “Jungkook?” you were confused by what he meant, as you laid your eyes on him his lips were against yours. Unlike the kiss with Yoongi, you weren’t responding back. “Please Y/N…..just for today...let me do this,” he asked as his eyes looked into yours searching for permission to continue. Jungkook was younger than you by a few years but you trust him and know he means no harm and that he just wants to help. You nodded as you kissed Jungkook back.

In just about 5 minutes both yours and Jungkook’s clothes were discarded on the floor. “Fuck Y/N is this what you let Professor Min see? He doesn’t deserve to see your beautiful body.” Jungkook said as he placed his mouth over your nipple. You moaned out “J-Jungkook!” as Jungkook started to suck on your breasts “Did Professor Min worship your breasts like this? I bet he hasn’t huh” he chuckled as he gave you small bites over your chest. Your hands reached to Jungkooks bottom half as you tried to grab his cock. He wasn’t as big as Yoongi but definitely Jungkook’s cock was thicker making your pussy clench around nothing. “Eager aren’t you Y/N? Just want my cock in your tight pussy right?” Jungkook smirked.

“Please Jungkook no teasing I just want you inside” you whined as you could already feel some of your arousal slipping out. Jungkook laid your body onto the couch. He left for a bit to grab something only to come back with a blindfold. “A b-blindfold?” you titled your head.

“I know you don’t love me Y/N, I’m only helping you take your mind off things so I thought having you wear the blindfold would help because I don’t want anything to change between us,” he said as he placed it over your eyes. “Thank you Kook, don’t worry I won’t forget about you and I feel bad for even letting this happen, I don’t want to lead you on,” you said sadly. “Y/N I wanted this too I promise you I’m okay with this,” he said softly.

Jungkook wasted no time as he hovered over you inching his cock slowly inside you. He groaned “Mm Y/N your so fucking wet just for me, look at how easily you’re taking this cock”. You moaned as you felt Jungkook stretching you out, you could only see darkness which caused you to clench on him. He hissed “Y/N please don’t clench like that baby I might cum within seconds.” he laughed. His laugh brought a smile to your face, you definitely felt comfort in Jungkook’s arm.

Jungkook spent his time thrusting into you repeatedly, you could feel yourself about to cum soon as your walls started to tighten around Jungkook’s cock. “K-kook I’m going to cum” you moaned as you gripped Jungkook’s back hard. “F-fuck okay I think I’m going to cum soon too Y/N, want me to cum inside you?” he asked heavily panting as he continued to thrust into you. “Yes come inside me I know you want to Kook” Jungkook’s heart felt like it was going to explode he was doing this for you but he smiled as you cared about his feelings too. You knew that the both of you probably won’t ever do this again which is why you agreed. 

Jungkook changed positions as now you were sitting on his lap, He grabbed your waist making sure to help you with the pace. You wrapped your arms around him as you felt your orgasm hitting you “Jungkook ugh cum in me now” you whined as Jungkook thrust you through your orgasm and then cumming inside you.

You laid on top of Jungkook with his cock still inside you catching your breath. “You good Y/N? Let’s get you cleaned up, you can stay over if you want for the night I’ll sleep on the couch.” Jungkook offered as he slipped your blindfold off.  You nodded already feeling sleepy “Thank you kook, and I’m so so sorry. I really hope one day a person who deserves you a lot will love you” you teared up saying it because you didn’t want to hurt him he’s your friend who loves you and you weren’t sure if you liked him back.

Jungkook smiled as he slipped out of you “Y/N it’s okay I’m just happy that I could take your mind off things for a bit, if it all goes wrong just know I’ll welcome you with open arms” he said as he helped clean you up before handing you some extra clothes to put on.

2 weeks passed like it was nothing and soon enough it was Friday the day finals were due. “What color did you base your collage painting on kook?” you asked him. “Oh I based it on the color purple, apparently it signifies having creativity and I definitely think I represent that” he laughed. “You really love yourself, huh, but that’s a good thing so I can’t really make fun of you for it” you chuckled.

“What about yours Y/N?” with his question you paused before speaking “Well um it’s based around the color pink. I can’t go much into detail but basically this is my confession painting to Professor Min” you said blushing a bit, nervous to speak to Professor Min after weeks have passed. “Ah is that why you didn’t attach an explanation note to your painting,” he asked and you nodded. “Good luck Y/N, I hope everything works out and let me know if you guys get some,” he said wiggling his brows. You laughed and playfully pushed him.

Professor Min walked in and stood in front of the class. “Alright everyone today is your last class with me today. Don’t worry we aren’t going to be doing anything today. All you have to do is bring your canvas up to the front of the room and make sure your explanation notes are attached to your paintings. I hope you all have a wonderful summer break” Professor Min smiled as students started to submit their paintings and then walk out the classroom.

Jungkook patted you lightly on the back and gave you a thumbs up before leaving the classroom. You smiled and started to pack up your things slowly as you waited for Professor Min to notice that you didn’t attach a note to your painting.

“Miss Y/N please come to my desk, the rest of you drop your paintings here and go” he stated.

Here we go, you exhaled before walking over to his desk. “Yes Professor Min?” you asked fully knowing what he was going to tell you. “I don’t see an explanation note attached to your painting,” he said as he looked up at you for the first time in weeks. “I didn’t write one,” you said plainly. “Well since you didn’t write one I am going to have to give you a-” before Professor Min could continue you cut him off “I love you Yoongi,” you said looking at him for a reaction.

“Y/N wha-” he said in a surprised tone. “My painting, it’s my response back to your confession Yoongi. I found love and it’s you” you told him as you started to blush. “Really?” he asked and you nodded.

“Fuck come here Y/N” Yoongi called and you obliged and sat on his lap to start kissing him. “Gosh so that means your mines now?” he asked as he started to undress you. “Y-yes I’m yours now Yoongi officially” you let Yoongi undress you as you stared at his eyes while he was doing so. Yoongi paused as he saw bite marks over your chest. “Y/N where did these marks come from” as you didn’t answer he inserted two fingers into your pussy thrusting them in. “Who did it Y/N tell me right now or I won’t give you my cock,” he said sternly as you cried out “Jungkook Jungkook did them!”

Yoongi chuckled “Where’s your phone Y/N” you pointed to your desk. Yoongi pulled out his fingers as he made his way over to your desk. “What’s the password,” he asked. “Bluemyg” he typed in the password as he started to look for Jungkook’s number in your contacts and pressed call when he found it. Jungkook immediately answered of course because it’s you.

“Did everything go well Y/N?” Jungkook asked. “Come to my class Jungkook right now,” Yoongi said as he hung up the phone turning it on silent. “Yoongi what are you doing?” you wanted to know why in the world did he call Jungkook over when you’re naked on his desk. Yoongi didn’t answer you back and slid his cock inside you “Fuck even after Jungkook fucked you he left you nice and tight for me” Yoongi chuckled.

Jungkook entered into the classroom to see Professor Min with his cock inside you. “H-huh,” Jungkook said as his eyes were blown wide. “Jungkook put your cock in her mouth,” Yoongi said not giving Jungkook an explanation. Jungkook just stood there trying to process what’s going on.

You moaned out “Jungkook just do it, it’s okay!”. With permission on your end, Jungkook unzips the front of his pants and pulls his cock out. He made his way over and placed his cock right above your mouth. “Y/N suck,” Yoongi demanded. You opened your mouth to take Jungkook in while looking up into his eyes.

“Isn’t she gorgeous Jungkook, taking two cocks at the same time with the door wide open for anyone to see,” Yoongi said as he continued to thrust into you. Jungkook nodded as he guided your head to suck his cock. You could barely think about anything when you had two cocks occupying your holes. You pulled away from Jungkook’s cock “I-I’m going to cum”. “Jungkook put your cock in her mouth again and cum when I say so okay?” Yoongi said as Jungkook agreed while thrusting his cock back into your mouth.

You started to clench harder around Yoongi’s cock as you whined while having Jungkook’s cock deep in your throat. “Cum” at that moment Jungkook and Yoongi started to pound into you and release their load. Your vision blacked out after your orgasm.

“Is she okay?” Jungkook asked as Yoongi closed the classroom door and pulled down the shades. “She’ll be fine, I think she was overwhelmed by taking the both of us,” Yoongi responded as he went over to you to start cleaning you up with wipes. “I’m not sure if Y/N will be okay with it, we’ll have to get her opinion on it, but I don’t mind having you in the relationship as well Jungkook I know you love her too,” Yoongi suggested. Jungkook’s eyes widened “R-really? Prof- Yoongi are you sure” Jungkook asked not expecting this. Yoongi nodded “I’m super sure” he smiled.

You opened your eyes to look to the right to see both Yoongi and Jungkook talking. “Did I pass out?” you asked making your presence known. Both of them looked at you and nodded. “Y/N how about adding Jungkook into our relationship?” Yoongi asked immediately. Your gaze turned to Jungkook expecting your answer “I-I don’t mind….I know you thought I didn’t love you Jungkook but after that night my feelings started to develop for you.” you smiled “I love you both” you said as you walked up to the both of them and kiss them both on the lips. 

“Since we’re still sorta naked how about we make a body painting collage using all the colors we can” Jungkook suggested.

“I’m all in for it what about you Yoongi?” you asked looking at him. He laughed “Wow this is going to be a long day, let’s do it!”

✈ Um hi! I hope you enjoyed my very first fic on tumblr. Please leave me feedback down below whether it’s good or bad. I will start working on getting a masterlist post soon! Feel free to ask me questions or make comments on ‘Ask Starrymin’.

✈ I will try my best to get the Mother’s day Barista!Namjoon x Single Mother!Reader fic done this week. My plan was to get it done today however colors took me much longer than I thought. So please wait a little more until I upload it!

✈ Anyways I hope you all have a wonderful day! Please stay safe and healthy. Also I’d like to wish Happy mother’s day to all the moms out there and even mother like figures too! 

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[werejusttouchingeachother]

Divine

Req:  would you mind writing a Sub!Ten smut where reader gives them a handjob and it goes from there? The scenario can be whatever you feel is best but the switch (dom+) in me has been quaking +  something with a really dom reader + any whiny subby nct or exo member that first comes to mind? + pegging

Summary: art student!Ten gets assigned a project with you for your Photography class and although his ideas for the concept initially make you wary, you eventually see the silver lining once he invites you back to his place

Pairing: sub!Ten x dom!reader (both are bi/queer/sexually fluid)

Genre: smut (m)

Words: 6015

Tags: nudity, cursing, handjob, edging, pegging

A/N: I combined quite a few repeated reqs I’ve been getting for sub!nct and pegging in specific so sorry if this took way too long! I haven’t gone full feral dom in this the way I like to (because wbk im a hardcore dom) since i’ve noticed many on here have boundaries with it/not used to it so since this is my first proper sub!member fic, I’m just easing into it ok--i’ll go harder or less next time depending on the response this gets

You raise your hand to knock on the burgundy door, hesitation creeping up your mind and effectively stopping you. Your fist hovers mid-air as you straighten your dress with your free hand and pull out your phone to check your makeup again.

When Ten approached you at the library yesterday, you certainly hadn’t expected him to call you back to his apartment.

Well, then again, you hadn’t expected a lot of what Ten had said at the library when he sat across from you while you were working on your assignment.

Chittaphon Ten is nothing less of popular at your university—with a double major in Art and Dance, a minor in Photography, it’s no surprise that both students and faculty were always constantly in awe of how he seemed to always have his shit together, scoring impressive grades, being extremely sociable and generally was the most well-rounded person that you’d ever seen.

His crazy attractive features weren’t a drawback either.

Like most girls, you admired him from afar without ever making a move. Not because you were too shy to do anything—Lord knows you weren’t, and so did a good majority of the students who you’d been with—but because he was always surrounded by people, the life of every party he went to, the one who never had a problem getting laid and the one whose attention required too much effort.

Which is why you were extremely surprised when Ten sought you out at the library yesterday. He’d called your name, which you didn’t even know he knew until then. It made you recall the first time he’d said it—one of the many faces that you’d been introduced to at the freshmen’s party during your first year at university.

He’d been the cool friendly popular sophomore, a beacon to all the lost freshmen and you’d been one of them as you exchanged names, later drinks and then, you were pretty sure, a tipsy dance together towards the end of the night.

That was the extent of your interaction—with the exception of the friendly smiles and casual ‘Hey’s as you passed each other in the hallway. What’s even sadder is that most of the memories from that night aren’t even clear to you due to all the shots you had downed—it’s only when you saw all the blurry pictures on Instagram the next day that you realised he’d danced with his hands around you but you couldn’t remember even feeling them, nevertheless the dance.  

Needless to say, Ten was probably the only guy to ever make you reconsider the decision to drink at parties.

Regardless of all this, you hadn’t expected to be paired with him in your Photography class that you two happened to share this semester. You never thought he’d attend much since it was only an elective—moreover, attendance wasn’t even compulsory—but you should have known better, of course perfect Ten was there.

And of course, on the one day that you’d skipped classes, you and Ten had gotten a paired assignment.

“The concept,” Ten said in a hushed voice as he leaned over the table at the library, making your gaze unknowingly rivet to his mouth. You had to force yourself to keep your eyes on his as he continued, “The concept for the assignment is Biblical influence on art.”

Still, you’d nodded. You’d shrugged it off in stride.

At least, you did until Ten said the following words:

“I have an idea. Everyone else is going to be at churches and cemeteries and cathedrals and basilicas. For the architecture and lightings. I was thinking, since we both are studying Art, we could paint on you to make you look like a Michelangelo sculpture.”

You’d blinked at him, wondering if you had misheard because he was whispering so lowly. You’d opened your mouth and closed it again, gaping like a fish. When he’d seen your obvious confusion, he repeated the last part, making your eyebrows furrow and then inhale sharply as you realised he was serious.

“Just hear me out,” Ten started before you could start yelling in the middle of the university library. “Think about it. No one would do such a unique concept.”

“Yeah, because it’s crazy?”

“Its art, Y/N. Crazy is kind of what gets you recognition.”

“This is an assignment that isn’t even accounted for twenty percent, Ten. It’s not even going to get published. Make it make sense,” you said in a flat voice.

“Imagine if it does, though, because it’s that good,” he muttered, widening his eyes at you to further emphasise his point.

You didn’t agree. You didn’t disagree either but the way you’d shaken your head and quickly stormed out of the library with an excuse that you needed to get to class let him know that you weren’t exactly in favour of the whole idea.

Then he’d called that night. It was later than you’d expect anyone to call—especially to discuss an assignment—but for some reason, it had worked.

You’re not sure why you agreed. Maybe it was because he’d actually made some good points over the call.

Or maybe because his voice had sounded so lulling over the phone, you’d found yourself nodding along without even paying attention to what he’d been suggesting. You agreed to meet him after your last evening class the next day at his apartment to ‘get it over with as soon as possible’.

Right now, you stood outside his door and tried to recall what all he had said last night. You were wearing a wrap-around dress that dropped only till your knees—the easiest thing to get in and out of—and had washed your hair so that it hung around your face. You’d scrubbed and shaved every surface of your skin until you were polished and squeaky clean, smelling like fresh soap and your mildly-scented lavender perfume.

You took a breath and checked your reflection for the millionth time in just half an hour on your phone’s screen before sighing and knocking on his door.

There was a shuffle of steps and then the door opened, Ten poking his head out and smiling at you.

“Hey,” he greeted softly and held the door open. “Come on in.”

You slowly entered, your mind racing with multiple thoughts as you closed the door behind you. You heard him mumble that he’ll be right back and to make yourself comfortable as he headed to a room at the end of the hallway.

You entered the first room to your left that he’d gestured at, your eyes quickly scanning the place. You immediately notice how he’d drawn all the curtains open and can’t help but smile at the very obvious attempt to have cleaned up—everything had been pushed to the corners of the room and things were thrown haphazardly to a side to clear the floor.

Biting back a smile, you turn right as he enters and hold your hands up to stop him before he starts speaking.

“Before anything,” you start, lowering your raised hands when you notice he’s listening. “Explain to me entirely what your plan is for the project. All of it.”

He nods and grabs his phone, scrolling through his gallery. You listen attentively as Ten explains how he thought it would be cool if he painted your entire body like a marble sculpture with a sheet draped over your body—painting over the sheet as well for a hyper-realistic effect while you posed like a statue.

You bit down on your lip at the idea of getting naked in his apartment with only a slinky garment to cover you, eyes moving from his phone’s screen to meet his. You can see the question in them and he even gives you a polite smile as if to tell you that you can always refuse if you’re uncomfortable with it.

But beneath that, you can see the challenging glint: he is daring you to back down because he knows you’re on unfamiliar grounds with him. He’d surely been naked many times in his apartment with several mutual friends of yours and so had you back in your own place but never with each other.

And maybe it was that or maybe this exciting air of ‘what if this went somewhere?’ and ‘what if one of us leaned in closer?’—but you didn’t want to back down.

So you gave him a firm nod, relishing in the way his eyes slightly widened at your affirmation as you turned to head for the bathroom that you’d seen when walking in. You turn at the last second, right as you’re near the door to see Ten staring at you as if baffled that you’re actually agreeing to this and you ask as nonchalantly as possible, “Ten? The sheet?”    

“What?” He blinks before realising. “Oh, right, right, sorry.”

He grabs an ivory-coloured sheet that laid neatly over the back of a chair and hands it over to you. You still as your eyes fall on the silky satin material you held in your hands, the fabric almost slipping from your fingers because of how smooth it was.

You slowly raise your eyes from the sheet to ask him what exactly you were supposed to do with it and stop when you notice that his eyebrow is raised, expression apprehensive as if to wait for you to drop the sheet and leave his apartment.

Plastering on an overly sweet smile, you nod in thanks and turn to the bathroom.

Once inside, you stare at your reflection in the mirror as you give yourself a pep-talk.

You weren’t backing down. There was just no way—especially when there was a good chance that this was all in your head and you were just making it into a bigger deal than what it actually is. It could just be about the project and Ten’s perfectionistic tendency wanting the highest grade.

So you slowly disrobed from your floral wraparound dress, hanging it over the hook on the back of the bathroom door. You hadn’t put much makeup on except for some gloss on your lips and some mascara—not wanting to be completely barefaced but at the same time, not going fully out.

Taking a deep breath, you take the satin sheet and stare at it as you contemplate how to wrap it around yourself.

You settle for wrapping it around your body, under the arm similar to how you usually do with a towel. You try to wrap it twice but the material is hardly enough to envelop more than once fully around your frame.

You stare at yourself in the mirror and have to force yourself to not get back into your comfy dress and jump out the bathroom window. The material clings to your body like a second skin and despite being layered twice around your front, your nipples still poke through due to how thin and supple the satin is.

Sighing and straightening your back, you turn to make sure that the knot at the back is fastened tightly and feel glad that you’d had the sense to shave your entire body spotless earlier today before coming here.

You meet your gaze in the mirror one last time, narrowing your eyes slightly as you take a deep breath and get your game face on. You walk to the door and step out, immediately feeling goosebumps rise on your skin at the sudden change in temperature from the cool bathroom.

You re-enter the hall and immediately notice Ten fight every instinct in his body to react at your appearance as his eyes swiftly rake over your entire form before quickly flitting back to your eyes.

Raising an eyebrow at him, you stand in front of him and he hesitates before finally saying, “Uh. You. That’s not actually how I thought you’d wear it.”

You narrow your eyes at him, fighting against the urge to cross your arms over your chest defensively because you knew that would only draw more attention towards your breasts.

“What did you think then?” You ask in a deadpan tone and Ten grabs his phone from the table, showing you an image of a marbled woman sculpture that had a similarly thin cloth adorning her body except it fell over one shoulder and was held tight by pressing down the other arm. Moreover, she was postured by leaning her hips against a short pedestal and arching her back with her head raised upwards.

The garment covered her chest and stopped short at the very top of her thighs—barely covering anything but exposing her curvy hips, thighs and sides in their full glory.

You unknowingly release a loud sigh of frustration before nodding. Determined, you reach back to unknot the cloth but Ten stops you with his hand, saying, “Wait, its fine.”

Your hand is caught underneath his, and you look at him with confusion. “What?”

“It’s okay,” he repeats, lowering his hand from your shoulder. “This is better cause I have to paint your shoulders anyway and they’re both revealed this way. We’ll paint your entire body first before putting the satin over it and paint that last.”

“Um,” you say softly, nodding as he gestures for you to sit on the chair. You slowly sit down and contemplate crossing your legs but decide against it as that would cause the material to hike up further than it already is. “Okay.”

Ten stands above you, dipping a brush with thick bristles into a palette. You keep your eyes on his face, watching him carefully and don’t fail to see the way his breath slightly catches when he notices your intense gaze on him. You try to bite back a smirk as he leans over you and presses the cool brush against your shoulder, lightly stroking it over the skin in an experimental brushstroke.

“Could you lean your head back?” He asks you, his voice considerably lower.

“Mhm, sure,” you softly hum in agreement as you arch your neck back, noticing the way his grip falters on the brush as he presses the brush more firmly against your shoulder. The contact with your skin mixed with the air that had suddenly grown thick around the two of you made slight bumps rise along your arms and you feel Ten’s gaze dart to your face, having noticed the effect.

Yeah. This wasn’t about the project. Your senses were tingling and even if you knew nothing else, you could smell sexual tension from miles away.

You deliberately sigh softly, your chest heaving with the release of air and feel the brush still against your skin again. You sneak a look at Ten and notice that he’s completely stopped faking it, watching your face carefully.

You lower your head and turn it in his direction, feeling both your breaths intermingle from how close your faces are. You’re just about to lean in when he says, “It’s not working.”

You blink, momentarily taken aback. “What?”

“The paint.” You glance down at your shoulder to see that the colour was slightly faded and almost runny, not in the thick layers that they should be with the amount of strokes Ten had just made.

“Your skin,” he said, thinking as he leaned back slightly, promptly breaking the moment that you just had. “There’s something that’s not allowing the paint to settle. Did you put something before you came here?”

You think for a moment before answering, “Uh, yeah, moisturiser. Lotion. Is that it?”

Ten swallowed thickly, nodding at your words as he stepped back. “Do you think you can remove it with body wash or soap? I can’t paint your skin otherwise and it needs to be layered thickly for the marble effect.”

You stare at Ten, eyes narrowed as you tried to figure what game he was playing here. You’re almost tempted to just stand up and grab him, press him against the desk and kiss him hungrily.

Did he just want you to shower here? Was he going to walk in? Or was this to just have you smelling like the same sweet-scented soap that he always smelled like?

Or was this really because he was concerned with the project and didn’t want your Vaseline bodycream to stand in the way of a perfect grade?

Did he even want to sleep with you in the first place?

You stand up abruptly, unable to take the million thoughts flooding into your head. Turning around, you made a beeline for the bathroom again while mentally cursing him.

If he was playing hard-to-get, this was the longest you’d ever held out for someone you were interested in sleeping with, despite how much you loved the game.

You’re Y/N. Sure, Ten had a reputation as the campus heartthrob with nights of guaranteed fun and pleasure but so did you—you had entire groups of people who would attest to your skills in the bedroom.

Except you didn’t know right now. The signals you’d been receiving all night were mixed and you couldn’t tell reality anymore from your own fantasies of taking Ten and having him in your own way.

You wished you were right—that he was really interested in sleeping with you. Because you couldn’t get the pretty images of Ten whining and mewling softly out of your head, reminiscing the way his Adam’s apple had bobbed nervously every time he swallowed when he noticed your gaze, loving the way he’d slightly faltered as you’d breathed softly.

You wanted to ruin him so bad—you could feel your core clenching with desire just from the thought of it.

You don’t realise you hadn’t closed the door behind you and it’s only when you turn around, catching Ten standing at the door that you realise.

You stare at him, feeling a slight tingle run through you as you gazed at him. You could see your own reflection on the mirror from your peripheral as Ten leaned on the wall beside it, his eyes transfixed on you.

“How is it that we’ve never ran in the same circles?” He asks, cocking his head.

Is he finally taking the bait?

You smile at his words, crossing your arms on purpose this time. “What do you mean?”

He falters slightly and you know it’s to fight the urge to lower his gaze from your face. He clears his throat, saying slowly, “I mean, we're both...”

“Hoes?” You offer, raising an eyebrow.

Ten blinks, surprised at your word choice. “I was going to say ‘the same’ but uh, sure, I guess that applies too.”

You chuckle, leaning your hip against the sink as you grin at him. “It’s cause we run in different circles that rarely interact with each other and the ones that do are comparatively lesser.”

Ten frowned at that, throwing your earlier question back at you. “What do you mean?”

“You fuck more guys and I fuck more girls.”

Ten’s eyes shot open, a light brush creeping up his cheeks at your bluntness and making you smirk slightly.

You think for a second, remembering all the times you’d spent with girls who were switches or leaned more towards dom. “You’ve slept with Amber, haven’t you?”

He nodded. “Taeyong?”

You nod. “Hwasa?”

“Of course. Mark?”

“Duh. Dahyun?”

“Obviously.”

You smile, glancing at the mirror as you tuck your hair behind your ear. “All right, then. I’ll shower now.”

You start to close the door but his hand is quick to grab your arm, stopping you effectively. You lift your head quickly to meet his gaze, able to smell the paint that was lingering on his clothes and unable to think with the need to just kiss him.

But you had to think, you had to control. He’d toyed with you enough so it’s only fair that you return the favour.

He raised an eyebrow at you in disbelief, unable to say the words that he’s thinking.

“You’re…” He pauses before hesitantly asking, “That’s it? You’re just going to shower?”

You furrow your eyebrows at him, playing genuinely confused. “... Yeah? I asked all that cause I was curious and I never knew you were such a power bottom. So are both Mark and Taeyong so I’m guessing that didn’t work well for you. Unlike the girls you slept with, who are all switches.”

He nods, his fingers still wrapped around your forearm. “I know. But they never... they never...”

He trails off and your eyes widen as you realise what he’s trying to say. “Whoa. What? Really?”

“What’s that expression supposed to mean?” Ten demands, narrowing his eyes at you. “You dommed Mark and Taeyong?”

“No,” you scowled before reluctantly explaining, “I mean I did. But not as much as I wanted to. They chickened out in the last second and we just fucked in missionary.”

Ten hesitates, his tongue darting out to lick his lower lip nervously. “How... how much do you want to?”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, you feel your heart skip a beat, a sense of excitement suddenly rushing through your blood. Your eyes are transfixed on his lips, now glistening with his saliva and you can’t help but imagine them parted wide open, gasping and moaning.

“Why?” You ask, your voice husky with arousal as you lower your lashes at him. “How far do you want me to go?”

“How far can you go?”

You raise your eyebrow challengingly. “Farther than Dahyun or the others would ever dare going.”

He grabs your waist then and your hands are already on his shoulders, slamming him back onto the door.

Your mouths meet heatedly and he moans as you press your body completely up against him.

Ten’s hands are gripping your hips tightly as you trail your one hand down his chest, between the two of you. Your hand passes over the waistband of his sweatpants and you palm his growing erection roughly. Ten gasps aloud and the sound is music to your ears as you take the opportunity to slip your tongue inside his parted lips.

Your fingers grip his length over the soft material of his pants and he’s twitching even with the minimal contact. Ten’s hand grabs your neck and pulls you away enough to breathe heavily, “Bedroom.”

“Yes, let’s go,” you mutter hurriedly and you grab his hand, pulling him in the direction of what you assumed to be the bedroom—the only other room in the small apartment.

You sit on the edge of the bed and yank him to you, loving the way a soft gasp leaves his mouth as he almost stumbles into your lap. Hesitantly he sits on your thighs and you shake your head, noticing that he still had his sweatpants on.

“Take the clothes off, sweetheart,” you say sweetly but with enough firmness to immediately make him get off your lap and peel his shirt off. You lean back with your hands on the bed to support you as you stare at him, watching him as he stripped.

You stand up when he’s bare in front of you, taking his hand and pushing him onto the bed before crawling on top of him.

Ten sits on the edge of the bed with you on his lap and you place your knees on either side of his thighs. You grab the hair on the back of his head, gripping the locks tightly in your fingers to yank his head back roughly and quickly move your mouth around his slender throat.

It doesn’t take long to find the sweet spot that has him moaning, his chest jerking up with his gasps at your relentless lips. You lick a stripe from his ear to his clavicle, sucking on the soft flesh where his shoulder and neck meets.

Ten's whimpers are the prettiest sound you’ve ever heard, his fingers having bunched up the satin sheet around you as he grips it tightly. The material gives away easily and next thing you know, cool air is hitting your skin as the satin is now fisted in his grip. Your legs are splayed over his, feeling his warm skin against yours as you kiss around his neck. You lower your mouth to his clavicle, sucking on the skin enough to leave bruises that you’re sure will darken by tomorrow as you mark him. Ten’s head is thrown back in pleasure as you leave hickeys all over his throat and you use the distraction to slowly roll your hips, rubbing your core over his growing erection. Ten gasps at the sudden sensation and you smirk against his skin, pulling him back hurriedly by his shoulders.

“Y/N,” his voice is a shaky whisper as they leave his lips and you hum in response, kissing him again deeply in a way that let him know you were going to absolutely devour him. Your hands find his hair again and you hold him firmly to you, moving your lips against his and letting your tongue explore the warmth of his mouth in a way that left him dazed and breathless when you finally pulled away.

You settled on his knees, leaving enough space between your bodies for your hands to quickly reach down and wrap your fingers around his length. Ten is deliciously responsive—bucking into your touch, hands reflexively reaching out to grip the sheets behind him tightly and moaning softly.

You’re certain that he can see how lust-crazed you are with the way he looks underneath you, his eyes all big and pleading as he waits patiently for you to move your hand, to go faster, to do anything.

So you do.

You’re gentle at first, barely doing much as you swipe your thumb over the pink head. You take your time, admiring the smoothness and length of his dick, swallowing the urge to just take him into your mouth already as you move the pads of your fingers lightly over his length and stroke him leisurely. You watch his face as you do so, loving how Ten’s eyes dilate with the frustration or pleasure or both, you weren’t sure. As his breaths quicken, you remove your hand and smirk while lazily using just your finger to stroke up and down, loving the way he was twitching even with just a single digit on him.

His whines grow louder and you finally give in, wrapping your hand fully around him, suddenly moving it up and down so quickly that it had him breathing harder as your pace suddenly transitioned. Ten’s hands gently came up to hold your hips and he raised his torso from the bed to lean his head into your neck, warm heavy breaths hitting your skin. He whimpered as you lowered your other hand to his balls, fondling them while stroking his erection. His chest started heaving and you could tell he was close from the soft “ah’s” that were leaving his lips, almost in a way that made you think he didn't know he was making them. His eyes were closed tightly, head now leaned back and fingers clenching the sheets so hard that his knuckles were white and you can’t recall when he took his hands away from your waist and pulled his head back from your neck.

You watched him carefully, feeling yourself grow wetter as he came closer to his high and right when he twitched in your hand and his chest jerked up, his entire skin flushing as he panted, you immediately stopped and pulled your hand away completely, disengaging contact.

Ten’s eyes shoot open and you have to bite back a smile at the way he looks utterly breathless and crestfallen at the stolen orgasm.

You take a breath as you crawl over his body, pushing him back by his shoulders and resuming the kisses on his throat and neck. You let your hand tease up his stomach and chest, feeling the way his slender body shivers beneath your fingers at even the slightest feather-touch as you mutter lowly into his ear, “Where are your toys?”

“Bedside drawer,” he whispers breathily and you pull your mouth away from the reddening skin of his neck as you move across the bed to the small wooden drawers.

You grab the strap-on that you found and the bottle of flavoured-lube next to it, closing the drawers shut as you keep them on the bed. Your eyes fall on the beige satin lying at the foot of the bed where it had slipped from Ten’s fingers and you reach across the bed for the material.

Ten watches you with his chest still heaving slightly as he tries to steady his irregular breathing and you grab his wrists, pulling them above his head and binding them together with the same satin that had been around you only an hour earlier.

You adjust on his lap so that your slit is perfectly aligned with his dripping member, enjoying the way he breathed harder as he felt your heat. You moved your hips in torturously slow circles over his length, sliding it up and down as you watched it glisten beneath you with both your fluids while you busied your hands by rubbing the lube in between them and over the strap-on.

“Fuck,” Ten moans aloud and you almost moan in response at how glorious he sounds—his angelic voice cursing, all soft and desperate for you.

You slid down his body and Ten hissed as your hands that were now cool because of the lube made contact with his cock. The head was flushed an angry red and you almost felt sorry at how sensitive he was already despite not even having gone as hard as you usually do.

Ten’s hands are fisted tightly, fingernails digging into his palms as you support yourself above him with both your hands on his shoulders while you kept rotating your hips over him. His eyes close as you grinded slightly against the tip, spreading your thighs and pushing a bit harder so that the head of his erection would slip inside your slick walls just the briefest fraction before you moved again.

Ten whispers curses again and you finally lower your hand again to wrap your fingers around him.

“Ah!” Ten groans as he bucks reflexively into your hand and you don’t give him a second as you start moving your hand over his length at an almost merciless speed, stroking him quickly and roughly. Ten’s eyes blow wide open at your sudden intense stimulations and lower your other hand down further, feeling his pink hole.

The lube in your fingers helps you to easily stick your finger inside and you feel your own arousal grow as he clenches tightly around your single digit while your hand still strokes him to another orgasm. Hearing his breaths grow quicker as he nears his high, you gradually decrease the speed of your hand while still fucking him open with two fingers now.

Ten is mewling and whining on the sheets now, arms slightly squirming to touch himself for relief when you denied him yet another orgasm. His thighs move under you and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Keep moving and I’ll never let you cum,” you warn and he immediately stills at your words, his entire body going still beneath you. You smile slightly in approval at his compliance and lean down to pepper his chest with kisses.

Ten’s breath echoes softly around his cosy bedroom as your mouth finds his nipple, your tongue darting out to circle the nub in quick motions timed with the pace of your one hand moving on his member and the other fucking him open. You look up to see Ten’s eyes roll back in his head at the overstimulation, back arching off the mattress and you immediately stop your ministrations on his cock, sitting up properly to not miss the reaction.

And its priceless.

Ten’s face is redder than you’d ever seen it, a delicious blush spreading over his entire cheeks, neck and down to his chest and you notice how his eyes are slightly teary and unfocused.

You lower your face to his then, pressing a reassuring kiss to his parted lips as you remove your fingers from inside his ready hole.

“Get on top of me, baby,” you mutter as you pull away and Ten nods, disoriented and dazed.

You fall to his side on the bed, grabbing the strap on and putting it around you as you rub the lube, spreading it over the surface of the cock. The thought that Ten probably fucked himself on this after a night that was less that pleasurable and satisfactory with a girl who didn’t want to fuck him the way he wanted to enticed you immeasurably.

Ten’s hands are shaky as he throws his leg over your body lying back on his bed, knees pressed against your sides. Slowly, he lowers himself down on the length of the dildo, eyes closing and lips parting with a loud moan that he couldn’t suppress as he feels it fill him up.

He opens his eyes, gaze shifting to your face and you watch the surprise that falls across his delicate features as you cross your arms behind your head, not touching him.

Understanding that you wanted him to fuck himself on top of you, Ten leaned back and you felt his hands on your lower legs as he used it to support himself up while he starting moving up and down.

Arching his back, you watched the dancer’s slender and beautiful body manifest into the most breathtaking art that you’d ever seen, more beautiful than any marble sculpture as he bounced and fucked himself on you, mouth open as he sang the most sweet-sounding curses and mewls while his angry-red cock slapped against your stomach with every bounce, dripping pre-cum onto your skin.

You raised your hand to his face then, shoving two of your fingers into his parted lips and he immediately closed his lips around your digits, choking slightly. Your own eyes grew hazy with lust as Ten fucked himself faster, thoroughly wetting your fingers with his tongue as he moaned around them while moving faster.

His grunts grew louder and hoarser—you could tell he was close so you grabbed his hip with your free hand and raised your own hips, bucking up into him. Removing your fingers from his mouth, you lowered them dripping with his saliva to his chest and tweaked his nipples that you’d kisses sensitive earlier.

Ten’s body jerks and he groans loudly as his dick twitches, shooting spurts of thick heavy cum over the length of your torso. He keeps cumming continuously, covering your belly, the valley of your breasts and even shoots all the way to your hair with his sticky white fluids.

You drag your finger over your stomach, collecting the cum and stick your finger in your mouth, humming with pleasure at the taste of Ten’s slightly salty essence mixed with his saliva from when you’d been choking him earlier.

Ten collapses down onto your body heavily, unable to hold himself up anymore and you smile as you wrap an arm around his back.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” you start, unable to keep the smugness from your tone, “but did I just ruin sex with a girl for you?”

“Yes,” Ten replied, leaning up to kiss your lips and you smile in surprise at the sudden tenderness in the gesture.

He smiles tiredly, eyes still unfocused as he says, “Yes, you did.”

“We should change our concept, by the way,” you suggested. Ten blinks in confusion and you explain, “For the project. The way you looked on top of me with your back arched like that was pretty fucking divine.”

Ten let out a short laugh. “I don’t know, Y/N, a photograph of being pegged might raise some eyebrows since the concept for the project is Biblical.”

“I repeat: divine.”

[dolansmith]

Thoughts on the “Trisha Drama”

I’m going to preface this with my previous thoughts of both sides. I didn’t know who Trisha was until after I found out about the vlog squad about a year ago. I didn’t mind her, i thought she brought out an interesting perspective to the group. Then I thought she was literally off her rocker. 

I loved the vlog squad bc I found them in a really difficult time in my life and they kept me from getting too deep into a depression. While I saw some of their mistakes, I saw the best in them all and hoped for change or at least some kind of accountability. 

This is gonna be really long and idk if anyone is even gonna read this/care lol but Im just so frustrated with a lot of the people that are into the vs. Like after really looking into everything that happened, I felt kind of ashamed to be backing the vs bc they’re doing some fucked up stuff tbh. 

So lets do a basic rundown of mistakes made. 

Mistakes in their public relationship:    -Trisha: made sexual jokes about jason’s friends, started arguments about her insecurities instead of starting a conversation.     -Jason: made sexual jokes about girl’s a decade younger than trisha (and 2 and a half decades younger than him), would complain about having to go do things trisha liked doing and would pout the whole time  (i.e. disneyland and a couple of the hamilton viewings), would egg on trishas insecurities, literally dumped her on a daily basis and call her crazy when she voiced said insecurities and then would basically get back together within an hour and practically give everyone whiplash, also talked about her weight and eating habits CONSTANTLY (fucking dick)    -David: inputted himself in their relationship, recorded their fights and encouraged their toxic behavior to both his friends and his audience

Mistakes in the “official” breakup:    -Trisha: talking about jason’s ex and kids, comparing david to ted bundy (a lil wild but tbh not that big of a deal bc no one actually believed thats what she meant but anyway), the brandon thing (we’ll come back to this)    -Jason: continuing to make jokes about fucking a 19/20 year old despite his gf saying she didn’t like it, not putting an end to David “pressuring him” to making said jokes, the brandon thing    -David: ignoring his “friend” when she said not to put something in his vlog, putting his image and career first

Mistakes after:    -Trisha: constantly going on rants about david and Jason.    -Jason: staying in contact with trisha secretly. (ill get back to this too)    -David: putting his image above all else. 

Now we’re going to get into some uncomfortable hot takes. I’m gonna get a whole lotta hate from stans but tbh idc anymore

The Brandon Thing (I’ve done some digging since her video exploding at Jeff): 

   -Brandon began a relationship with a high schooler. She was underage the first time they had sex. There’s receipts and timelines set up. I’d recommend Petty Paige’s Youtube video on it for specifics.     -Lot’s of vs fans say she only brought it up when her and Jason ended so that meant she didn’t really care, but I’d like to point out that she has stated (on more than one occasion) that she voiced her thoughts on this multiple times to the group in Private and no one cared. Y’all are always going on about how she should say whatever she has to say in private but when she does and is ignored, what then? Just a thought.     -Let’s also bring the rest of the vs up in this. How come none of them ever said anything? They’re the ones still out here tolerating him. Pretty hypocritical. I’m not gonna aim anything at the girls bc none of them have Brandon in their videos but the guys? Jeff, Jason, David, Todd and I think Scott too, have all had Brandon in at least one video. They’re out here talking shit about Trisha amongst each other but are friends with a predator? Lmao Okay, cool. 

Jason Keeping in Contact for months: 

   -This was dumb.     -As someone who has suffered from mental health issues and has been in a mental hospital and suffered from attachment AND abandonment issues, Trisha would’ve been better off had Jason ended things and kept them that way. Instead, he ended their public relationship and friendship. He kept her a secret from even his “friends” and then dragged on their “friendship” for months. For what? He should’ve just given her her things and closure and kept it pushing.     -On that, why did he keep her belongings for so long and refuse to give it back until she said something public about it? He ignored her calls and texts about her very expensive things for weeks. Then she made a video calling him out on it, and she got her stuff back.    -I’m seeing a pattern here, aren’t you?

The Jeff Thing (did some digging on him too...by digging i mean google):

   -This one makes my blood boil for several reasons. ESPECIALLY AFTER TODAYS VIDEO. It rlly put everything into perspective omg.     -The starbucks story that Trisha told was the same everywhere: ‘I saw Jeff at Starbucks and said hey. He ignored me and was such a pussy he left his order at the counter after having paid.’ His masculinity is SO FRAGILE that he twisted it into ‘I’m not gonna be fake with someone who fucked over my friend. Can’t fuck them up either tho lol’ and ‘i’m not gonna make shit easy on you, i’m gonna make them feel weird’. What a baby lmfao    -His assault joke rubbed me the wrong way. I know Jeff’s schtick is the whole “I was in jail for a few months and I was a drug dealer I’m big and scary” blah blah blah. Listen, I’ve met men that have been in jail longer (he was in for only 4 months he once said I think) and had worse upbringings than he did and HAD to do some of the shit Jeff was doing (which lemme remind yall, was on his own accord). The men that I know that have lived similar and worse lifestyles than Jeff, would never and I REPEAT NEVER, make a joke about assaulting a Woman over “fucking my friend over”, when the situation was what it was. Which was: an exposé, basically. That’s some petty shit, it’s for the birds. (Also, Todd and Jay’s jokes about the assault joke? Ain’t it. They were just as bad as Jeff’s original joke.)    -Do y’all know what Jeff’s been to jail for? He tried to assault someone that worked at a 7-Eleven after he and his dumbass friends were fucking around in the store and got yelled at and ended up assaulting a woman walking by.     -He also talked about her mental health issues. Maybe he wasn’t talking about her specifically, but it was REAL specific. He said that it was crazy that a “psychopath” that’s been in a mental hospital still had a platform on youtube. That they shouldn’t have one. Trisha made a really good point of, “some could say the same about your time in jail.” Because they could. And mental health can be managed. So can your outrageous anger issues, Jeff. This was really ignorant on his part.     -I also want to remind everyone about the time he said he didn’t understand how men could be sexually harassed. That all you had to do was say no.    -He says he likes to “make things awkward” and make everything a joke when really he’s just being ignorant and doesn’t want to get real hate when he gets inevitably called out

Trisha’s “Dirt”:

   -Trisha doesn’t know anything that the rest of us don’t. We’re just all IGNORING it. Why? Bc David’s charming and Todd and Jeff are pretty? Ridiculous. This is the last vlog squad post i’m going to make because I’m done. So the following is going to be a rundown on the “dirt” on them that made me come to the decision that I wouldn’t be supporting them anymore. I’ll also put my own thoughts and comments underneath in case y’all are curious. Staying silent about these situations is the same as complacency.     -Brandon Calvillo: Covered this but to reiterate, he dated a high schooler and slept with her/dated her knowing her age. He then lied about it in a video to cover his tracks.           *I am well aware that she was months from being 18. This doesn’t make it okay. What does a 26 year old have in common with a 17 year old? And just because this is the first girl we know about, doesn’t mean she’s the first at all or even the last.     -Durte Dom: He was accused of assault at vidcon.            *This hasn’t been confirmed. But it also hasn’t even been discussed. This girl is getting hate from vs stans and the vs have stayed silent. I can understand not wanting to show attention to people who make accusations for clout, but assault is serious and should at the Very Least be acknowledged privately or legally bc it could be considered slander. Don’t let your fans (or your friend’s fans) do your dirty work.      -Jeff Wittek: He has major anger issues. Makes jokes about assaulting women after actually having assaulted one in the past (accidentally but doesnt take away from what he did) and has made jokes about sexual harassment against men not being viable             *tbh he has a “pretty white boy complex”. Meaning he knows that he can say and do what he wants and most people will let it slide bc he’s a pretty white boy. No education needed.     -Jason Nash: Is friend’s with a predator, is quite possibly setting an awful example to his kids, namely his daughter.          *Listen. I’m a feminist, a woman should be able to decide what to do with her body after she turns 18. But being groomed and hit on by grown ass men when you’re barely legal, ain’t it. If you want to and feel ready, there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it BUT 9.9 times out of 10, that fucks a woman up in the future. One day, she is going to see her dad hitting on a 19/20 year old Tana and see that her dad’s  26 year old best friend dated a 17/18 year old and lied about specifics and might think that’s normal and how men should treat her. I won’t support that shit.

And as for all the other member’s of the vs, they either don’t care enough about what their friends or friends’ friends are doing, or they’re not bothering to even consider it’s happening and that isn’t cool either. 

Be better. 

As for Trisha, she’s had her own faults and fuckups, no doubt about it. I’m not a big fan of her content but i FELT for her. Her name has been dragged through the mud because of this more than anything else and it doesn’t sit right with me when her only real fuckup in THIS situation was bringing the ex and kids into it the way she did. Everything else either could have been avoided or she had a right to say to the public since they put everything about the relationship out in the open as much as she did. If Jason and David had reached out and admitted their own mistakes and asked her to stop talking about them online the way she was, she probably would’ve chilled out. What happened, what they and their fans (us) have done has been nothing short of traumatizing, no doubt. The way these 30 year old boys (Jeff, Todd, Scott and Jay) are reacting to her? They’re the real joke if we’re being honest.

Note: I’d also like to say that if you do still support them and have differing views than I do, I’ll respect you and your views no matter what. Everyones entitled to their opinion and thoughts. These are just mine. 

[help4femmecdgurls]

So, thought Id hit this first... I dont like most labels (Charlie being an exception😁). So many have grown negative connotations, or are entirely corrupted. The only reason I EVER use them is as a common reference most understand. The basic sub/dom top/bttm being the common ones. For instance, the blurring of sub and bttm together is a huge source of confusion for new gurls!!! Generally, one is a role/state of mind and the other is a preferred sexual position. So why so much stress over forcing yourself to fit into these words?? Its a societal thing and sadly much is brought about by the very groups we are a part of!! Stop worrying about it!!

Also Ive met many gurls who struggle with "what am I?" or "how do I classify myself?" Im going to get potentially unpopular right away with my simple answers!!

The answer to those questions, and similar ones is: "You're you. You are a unique individual!!!" Stupid answer right?? I dont think so. What I find silly is the need for people to generate labels that everyone then feels they have to fit into. Does it really matter? Nope. If youre reading this, you probably dont fit into the standard male/female vanilla lifestyle. So what!! Do what you enjoy!! It makes NO difference if you crossdress, are gay, sub, bttm, bi, or whatever!! If you want to transition, great!! At some point in that journey you can stop calling yourself male and use female, or vice versa. But you need not even do that!! You could do a full transition and still call yourself the previous gender. It doesnt matter what you do, as long as youre doing you and it MAKES YOU HAPPY!!! The CRAZY thing these days, is that there is actually a term (cis) that denotes that youre the gender you were actually born with!!! Smh.... Maybe we can just shy away from labels. Id suggest that maybe we start stating WHAT WE DO instead!! Like maybe: "Hi, Im Fred, but after dark I crossdress and become Francine, and I like sex with other crossdressers..." Or: "Hi Im Sandy. I was a man but transitioned to a woman. I enjoy being in charge during sex with other women..." I bet itd only take you a second to think of multiple personas that wouldnt "fit" the common terms!!!

So I imagine that lots of lgbt/sjw types and transitiong folks will hate on me now, and thats certainly not my goal, but I expect it. (I enjoy discussion btw, so dont just sling hate and leave....!!) I have had this discussion waaaay too many times(literally 100+) with gurls neck-deep in angst and confusion over nothing!! My major point here is that NOBODY should give a second thought to whether they fit into a group defined by someone else. Its ok to fall into one, or a few different categories. But you shouldnt care!!! You have better things to think about, like a date or a new pair of heels!!

So... one more time: IT DOESNT MATTER!!!

Be your beautiful self and have fun. Enjoy life, and focus on that, not other people's terms and opinions!!!!!❤

💋-Sis

(And then I hashtag a bunch of labels!!)

😂😕😂😕😂😕😂😕😂😕😂😕😂

#cd #gurl #cdgurl #cdgurlsupport #crossdresser #legs #stockings #heels #highheels #lingerie #panties #bi #bicurious #bisexual #gay #femme #femininity #femboy#mtf #Charlie #CharlieCD #Charliegurl #lgbt #lgbtq #gender #transgender #transition #tg #sex #transsexual #ts #trap #sexuality #support #help4femmecdgurls #SamanthaIsabellaSpikes

[doublebabyboy]

what got7 are like in bed

obv this is just my opinion, i’d happily discuss them w you if youd msg me or send me an ask but yeah

warning: smut (obviously)

mark:

probably a little flustered at first

but the more he warms up to you, the more of a tease he becomes

not exactly a hardcore dom or sub, just a top since he’s pretty lowkey

but would bottom for you if you asked

just likes being on top bc he likes doing all the work

giver > receiver

he gets off on whatever you get off on, not really any major kinks or turn ons on his part, except one i’ll get onto later down the list

knows how crazy his voice can drive you and takes full advantage of it

so therefore; dirty talk

doesn’t really know what to say tho so just focuses on how good you make him feel

“fuck baby you’re so tight” “mmm that feels good”

uses “baby” or “babygirl” a lot

relatively quiet apart from dirty talk, occasional quiet moans

but if you pull his hair he won’t be able to help a louder moan slipping out

now onto the part you’ve been waiting for, his one major turn on:

hickeys

have you fuckign seen his teeth?? his lil canines?? perfect for hickeys im tELLing you

loves marking (pun intended BAD UM TSS) all over your neck, collarbones, and inner thighs

not into like super dark large bruises but more like lots of small lovebites scattered all over the place

the reason why he’s mostly quiet is bc if his mouth isnt whispering dirty things in your ear, its on your skin

doesn’t really have a fav position as long as it gives easy access to your neck

can only go once but can last a looooong time; best at self control apart from jinyoung

pretty needy, doesn’t like vocalizing it tho

so he’d probably try to give you the hint subtly like casually rubbing your inner thigh and giving you that look with dark eyes as he bites his lip subconsciously

usually that’s all it takes but if you decide to tease him he’ll break eventually, he’ll lean close right next to your ear and whisper “please baby,” and move your hand to his bulge and fffuck you can’t resist that

jaebum:

sigh

yall know he’s a daddy

sorry if you dont like the kink but have you seen jaebum,,, hes a daddy

HELLA DOM

might sub for you like once a year but he won’t be a good boy

probably a huge brat that keeps trying to take control again so you’d probably have to handcuff him or physically restrain him from taking over somehow

if not, he will flip you over and fuck you into the mattress for even attempting

but anyways if you dont like daddy he’d settle for master or sir but if you’d rather just use his name he’d still want to be very in control

whatever name you’re using, you’d be screaming it

tells you to be quiet and not make a noise, but actually loves it when you’re vocal, he just tells you off so he can have an excuse to punish you or just tease you and see how far he can push you

loves pushing your limits

groans loudly when you clench around him

dirty talk

“you’re such a good girl for daddy” “don’t make daddy punish you” “i own this pretty little cunt, got it?”

likes marking you where everyone can see, the smug bastard

bondage (giving)

edging!! hes such a tease

orgasm denial if you’re being a brat

will not let you come unless you’re begging

if you come early he’ll rile you up again only to leave you hanging or with a dry orgasm

wants you to be his good girl but enjoys the challenge of a brat

“babygirl” “baby” “kitten” “pet”

prefers giving oral because he likes watching you squirm

makes you cum multiple times from his tongue

won’t deny a blowjob though

threads his hands in your hair and pulls harshly, letting out low grunts

likes to come inside you

jackson:

oh boy

switch but probably won’t be a whiny sub/good boy

very vocal either way

sweet talk and praise aaaaaaaaall the way

“you’re taking my cock so well baby” “fuck princess you’re so good to me”

pet names!!

“princess” “baby” “angel” “babygirl” you name it

b o d y  w o r s h i p

treats your body like a temple; loves every inch of it

kisses eeeeverywhere

likes marking your thighs

just loves your thighs in general hes a thigh man

thigh highs??? o o f he’s wrecked

loooves lingerie, will move your panties to the side and leave it on if you decide to wear it

sobs tHIGH RIDING have you seen this mans thighs

and the way he lowkey gave jinyoung a lap dance when he said he wanted to feel his “manly thighs”? he would so get off on watchin you get off on his thigh

loves receiving head but always insists on repaying the favour

shameless moaning; will tell you what youre doing good

likes it when you tell him what he’s doing right or just tell him what to do, he wants to do anything in his power to please you

im sobbing he’d treat you like a QUEEN

you’re more vanilla? he got it. you wanna be rough and kinky? gladly. you wanna tie his to the bed post? fuck it, sure. want it slow and romantic? any day of the week. wanna call him daddy? why not. the list goes on

would be okay with threesomes if it was with someone he was close to/trusted enough to know they’d treat you well, maybe even a poly partner

doesnt mind if its ffm or mmf i get the feeling he’s bi anyways

very caring and attentive to your needs

is quite needy himself tho

always dtf

“princess i’m so hard for you...can you help me out?”

king of aftercare

would clean you up and cuddle you

probably end up going for round four in the shower if you clean up int here tho

this man has stamina and WILL go multiple times, wants you to do the same

jinyoung:

soft dom

probably the most vanilla out of the group imo

really romantic

when he has time, likes to set up the mood by putting rose petals everywhere and like mood lighting maybe with some scented candles and like music??

wants the full experience yknow

not a huge fan of quickies but will do them if he gets a boner he cant get rid of at a bad time

still tho, a huge tease

intense eye contact

will smirk at you and just hover over you, waiting for you to cave in and beg him to touch you

always goes down on you before going in, he knows foreplay is important, plus he loves being in between your legs

mainly bc he lives off the sounds of your moans and whimpers

music to his ears

likes giving it to you nice and slow until you urge him to go faster

tends to only go once or twice himself but if you want more he’d happily go down on you again afterwards or use his fingers

body worship; but probably not to jackson’s extent

also quite quiet in terms of moans, mostly just low grunts and lots of erratic breathing

always asks if you’re okay

sweet talk sweet talk

literally the definition of whispering sweet nothings into your ear as he makes love to you

how pretty you look under him, how good you’re being, how much he loves you

most of the time loving and gentle but if you prefer more rough sex he’s down for that too

will leave hickeys in places where people can’t see, he likes knowing that you hide a dirty little secret under those clothes

has the most self-control in the group, can hold back for a long time because he always insists on you coming first and refuses to come before you

youngjae:

im already dying

ultimate sub

fucking fight me youngjae is the biggest sub ever he’s babyboy culture

might top for you if youre a hella sub too but never full on dom, ever

would be really blushy and flustered and always asking if he’s hurting you

seems pretty vanilla when he tops, lets his inner freak out as a bottom

extremely, extremely vocal

just can’t help the moans and whines tumble out of his mouth when you make him feel so good

he starts off biting his lip to try stay quiet but it does’t really work

eventually just lets it all out and is very loud

his moans would be the most delicious noises in the world

loves it when you talk dirty to him

just do it

talk dirty to him

it makes him feel so filthy and he basks in it

CALL HIM BABYBOY he’s so weak for that

likes being completely powerless and surrendering to you and letting you have your way with him

just loves it when you tell him what to do

pull on his hair pull on his hair he will go w i  l d

won’t bring it up or suggest it but if you used toys on him he’d go crazy

would love to use a toy you’ve already used on yourself, again it makes him feel dirty and he loves it

degrade him or praise him or a mix of both, either way he’ll love it

probably would struggle to form proper sentences so just moans a lot and lets out strings of curses and moans your name,, loudly,,

unless you havent gotten the message already HE LOUD

will ask you for hickeys, he loves when you cover him in them, he’ll just look at them in the mirror the next day in awe

pretty low self control but can come multiple times

highkey likes being overstimulated

needs aftercare; clean him up and give him lots and lots of cuddles

and food bc who doesn’t like food

tell him he did well and he’ll melt into a puddle if he hasn’t already

im so wrecked for sub youngjae oh y god

im not ok

bambam:

FUCKING HELP ME BAM IS MY ULT BIAS THIS IS GONNA GET LOOONG (much longer than the others im sorry im biased)

like his dick ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

no but fr

bambam is big

think about it ok on live tv he publicly said his iconic how do you know line then looked down at his dick like any horny teenager, and in the same episode, pointed at his dick repeatedly as his “sexy version” of just right and hip thrusted when meant to do a cute version of if you do

do you really think he’d be that confident if he didn’t have anything to back it up??? no ok BAMBAM IS BIG

anyways getting to it - bambam is the Ultimate Switch™ dont even @ me

he will be all cocky and say he’s a dom and heck he’ll be a dom and a damn good one

but he will jump at the opportunity to sub for you any day of the week

probably would start off really awkward leading to lots of giggly and playful sex

even once he’s gotten familiar with you, there would probably still be a fair amount of giggly and playful sex

has lots of turnons, likes both giving and receiving for all of them

he is a freak im telling you lemme just list a few things

hair pulling - moans really loudly if you pull his hair and probably swears, also pulls on your hair w/out realising it but once you respond by moaning he will take full advantage of it to hear you

hickeys - second to mark on the hickey loving list, only he loves receiving as much as giving, loves finding your sweet spot and concentrating on it

scratching - rake your nails down his back as he tops you, he loves the burning sensation it gives him, also will probably do the same if you’re topping

bondage, probably just restraining hands tho but i mean. if you whip out a harness or some kinky shit he wouldn’t be opposed to it

honestly he’s really livin the yolo life he’d try anything once bc why the fuck not

dirty talk dirty talk

his mind his filthy; his mouth is filthy

“babygirl you’re so tight around my cock” “do that again princess” “fuck you look so hot under me”

“babygirl” “baby” “princess” “kitten” again, you name it, he’s down

won’t ask for it, but will get a hella ego boost if you call him daddy

but still not as into it as jaebum

does anything he can to make you moan, he could listen to your moans all day

very observant of all the little things that make you tick so you can have the best experience he can give you

very shameless moaner after passing the initial awkwardness of the first few times

second loudest moaner next to youngjae fffuuuuck imagine his moans for a second just hjdksjk

as a sub: he loves it when you tie him up and overstimulate him with assorted toys and yourself, obviously

give him a vibrator and a vibrating cockring and ride him and pull his hair he will go absolutely insane, it overwhelms him so much and he loves it

says he hates being overstimulated but actually enjoys the pain

as a dom: he likes fucking you hard and fast, secretly loves when you’re a brat because he sees it as a challenge and loves the thrill of battling you for dominance (but sometimes lets you win bc its hot)

will probably use toys on you and make you come over and over again for him bc he cannot get enough of seeing you come, he’ll overstimulate you as well

either dom or sub: he loves oral, both giving and receiving, you could argue he likes it better than penetration

have you seen his lips oh my godddd those were made for giving head (and making out. or just kissing in general. help me i love bambams lips)

he loves the way his mouth can make you moan and writhe so much, he could probably live between your legs if you let him, making you come multiple times

also hella into face riding sit on his face oh god just sit on his face

pull on his hair pull on his hair pull on his hair he’ll moan into you

looooooooooves receiving head too, moans loudly and grips your hair harshly

doesn’t fuck your face but just pulls on your hair and moves at whatever pace you set

also loves coming inside you, but second favourite is on your face

also super needy, probably has the highest sex drive

his cocky ass would send you nudes if you weren’t around

if you were around, he’d come up to you and give you a back hug, pressing up his boner against your ass to not so subtly hint his problem

if you ignored him, he’d start kissing your neck and humming

and if you continued ignoring him, he’d whisper really close to your ear, his voice all raspy and low and say something like “don’t play hard to get babygirl, i know you want this dick,” then proceed to tell you in explicit detail all the things he’d do to you

at that point you wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore

this is way too long already but i hAvE to adD

r i s k y  s e x

he would be so into the thrill and adrenaline it got him he’d get off to that so hard

it would be like a game to him, see how many different places he can do it and get away w it

probably would do it in the same room as his members ngl

maybe even with his members, i also see him as the type to be open to threesomes or polyamory

loves making out w/ you which usually leads to sex unless its a rlly soft loving moment

probably still gonna lead to sex bc believe it or not, the kinky fucker is still capable of making love to u hdsjsk

ok i think i just wrote an essay here im so sorry ill stop

yugyeom:

97 line? maknae line? more like Ultimate Switch™ line

openly admits he’s a switch unlike bambam who tries to say hes a dom

actually i think he shares a lot of things with bambam

not even gonna lie they’ve probably hooked up once or twice when they got wasted

still friends tho with no regrets but it was a thing

either hella intense dom or whiniest sub with no in between

goes from daddy to babyboy in like 0.0002 secs

(probably not into being called daddy tho)

proooobably has a noona kink when he’s subbing

the only member who can beat bambam in his hair pulling kink, he love love loooves it when you pull his hair he lets out the softest moans

in general, his moans are high pitched and whiny and ughghhh h o t

will go crazy if you call him babyboy or pet but mainly babyboy

even if he’s subbing he likes to be the one doing the work bc he’s fast and damn those dancer hips so he’s probably too impatient to let you do it lol

but you like to tease him so sometimes you’d tie him up and ride him real slow until he’s begging you and whimpering to speed up

peg him he loves that shit

honestly he may be a hella switch but as soon as your mouth is on his dick he is a babyboy there’s nothing he can do about it

he will moan and pet your hair and pull it when he comes

doesn’t like blowjobs bc he’s embarrassed at how fast he loses it compared to his usual stamina

which is a lot btw, he can go on forever istg

perks of being a main dancer

speakin of main dancer

his s e x y  d a n c e s

would gladly give you a lap dance beforehand of just a full on fucking strip show this boy is wild

would gladly accept any lap dances or strip shows also lolololol

overall very rough and impatient bc he’s a horny boy

probably second highest sex drive next to bams

gets all pouty if you deny him too long

then fucks you into the wall out of frustration dAMN

unless you plan on punishing him for being so needy ohohohoh

okay im gonna call it quits before this becomes a novel

hope y’all enjoyed bc damn i sure did

[bettsfic]

I will send individual ideas for coping skills. I think it was the dynamic that did it, and we learnt with the omo that we are very interested in watersports. Taboo has a way of enthralling us clearly, and its obvious we're more kinky that given credit for. Idea 1- In the bdsm world doms/masters/pain givers can sometimes go too far, theirs the psychology of that to be played with, maybe paired with a beating gone too far, if/how it affects either one of them. More to come

2- a line in that fill was you want to hurt (not a direct quote) i would maybe play with that. The golden showers could be a regular punishmemt or maybe she sleeps with Finn again but fails to tell him and he discovers it anyway- maybe love bites or come evidence. There was a prompt about drugging before sex, someone mentioned filming to show after. That could be another thing, he could relieve himself on her after that.

3- Insertations or being used as perhaps furniture, sleeping on her, footstall use, [i redacted this part bc it’s a major squick for most ppl (not me tho), i hope you don’t mind] Complete humilation. There are many roads- he could use the belt, he could step on her, she could disobey. They could have a discussion outside the house. Feelings is something im interested in, how they got there- where their going.

4- Maybe one day he decides he can't let her go, he needs her. Keeps her there. Id like to know how they met, she never had any limits before GS im curious how far they went before, if he does actually feel for her, why he cant vocalise it. Spitting on people is a thing, force feeding, knifeplay with actual cutting, followed by a heart to heart. How did they decide no safeword? How far can it go? Is there any way for them to be happy while feeding both sets of desires.

these are all excellent ideas. i’m more interested in the psychology of it than the sex part of it (as i always am with taboo stuff). in an ideal world i would have the time to plot out a whole story that includes bellamy really going too far (i like your idea of trapping her in the house), and clarke trying to assert some kind of power over him, and him finally telling her why they can’t be together. the challenge there is, i honestly don’t have a reasonable solution. how can you do the things bellamy has done to clarke in this fic and still think you’re good enough to love her? that’s where bellamy is at. and clarke’s love might not even be real. she’s grieving, and he’s an outlet for that grief.

i could see myself doing one more installment maybe, that touches on the aftermath of the original fic while weaving in how they got to where they are. but also that might be too much of a challenge for me right now, when i have 4 other fics to update before posting. i still need to think about it, but i appreciate all your ideas a lot. they definitely offered some inspo.

[itamarbdor]

Tefillin Our connection to Hashem

Tefillin are a set of black leather boxes that contain Hebrew parchment scrolls. Jewish men wear it on their arm and head during weekday morning prayer. A set of Tefillin includes the box, the strap, and the scrolls. Tefillin are among the most powerful mitzvahs in the Torah. It reminds the wearer that they should harness their actions, intellect, and emotions to the service of G‑d.

Tefillin are available in different sizes. Prices can vary significantly based on differences in quality. Tefillin are divided into three different categories based on the quality of the leather boxes. The simplest Tefillin are called Tefillin Peshutim. It’s made from two pieces of leather.

Those that are made from a thick piece of leather are known as Tefillin Gassot. This is the most expensive and durable type of Tefillin. You can also find a pair of Tefillin that is made from a thin piece of leather. It is called Tefillin Dakkot.

Male Jews after the age of 13 years have to lay a pair of Tefillin. Although women are usually exempted from the duty, some early codifiers allowed them, women, to do it as well. Some females kept the ceremony in medieval Germany and France. Today, both men and women choose to wear a pair of Tefillin. Wearing of Tefillin remains a male-only responsibility in the Orthodox movement. In egalitarian movements, women may do it as an obligation. For instance, girls in SAR High School are allowed to wrap Tefillin during morning prayers or Shacharit.

There are some exemptions as well. Those suffering from stomach-trouble or in pain and can’t focus their mind is exempt from wrapping Tefillin. A bridegroom on his wedding-day and mourners during the first day of their mourning period are also exempt. Those who are studying Law, as well as dealers and scribes of Tefillin, are exempt too if their work can’t be postponed.

About the mitzvah of Tefillin

This mitzvah is said to be equivalent to the whole Torah and is one of the three mitzvot which constitute an “OT” – a sign. A Sign of the special connection between the Jewish people and God. (The other two mitzvahs that are considered a “sign” are circumcision and Shabbat).

The first encounter with tefillin takes place by the age of 13, the bar mitzvah, unlike other mitzvot which taught to children from an early age. According to Jewish law, this mitzvah takes place during the daytime and not at night, on a weekday and not on Shabbat and holidays, when women are exempt from having to participate in this mitzvah.

What is Tefillin?

Tefillin is made out of two black leather boxes, containing a leather sheet, on which are written four passages from the Torah (also called “the four parshiot”). There are two main methods regarding the order of the parshiot in it – the Rashi method and the Rabbeinu Tam method. Most people buy Rashi ones. Each of the leather boxes containing the four parshiot connected to black leather straps. This mitzvah divided into two parts: The part of the hand (shel yad) and The part of the head (shel Rosh).

How to put on Tefillin?

tefillin shel rosh

First, wear the tefillin of the hand (shel yad) and then the tefillin of the head (shel Rosh). The hand tefillin are placed on the weak hand – usually the left hand. If a person is right-handed, he will put it on his left arm, and if he is left-handed, he will place the tefillin on his right arm. (a left-handed person needs to pay attention when buying a Tefillin that it indeed meant for left-handed people.

It usually is mentioned in the product description). The head tefillin must be placed just ABOVE the natural hairline, precisely in the middle. After you put them on your arm, and before you tie the straps, you should say the blessing of putting on Tefillin. Immediately after placing the part of the hand, the part of the head should be set without interruption between them. When you say the blessing, also aim for the head part (shel Rosh).

Why are they painted black?

The answer can found in the verses of Shema Yisrael, one of the central prayers recited during tefillin. At Shma Yisroel we proclaim that the Creator of the world is the One and Only: The Lord our God is One! The leather sheet inside the tefillin boxes also contains the verses of the Shema. Black color has a unique feature: it is absolute. Other colors cannot overcome it. This unique trait of black color symbolizes the perfect unity of God, a complete and total unity.

From the words of the Lubavitcher Rebbe about the tefillin

“In the midst of every human being there is a constant struggle between reason and emotion, and when the mind becomes powerless, and emotion dominates without straining, the results will be tragic. The tefillin of the head are worn on the head, the seat of the intellect, while those of the hand are placed on the left hand, facing the heart. The message: to harness the mind and emotion together with their main place of residence – the arm and the head – to the work of the Creator. “

How Are Tefillin Made?

There are hundreds of detailed rules that govern the manufacturing processes of the parchment scrolls and the boxes. The Tefillin were either cubical or cylindrical in the earlier Talmudic times, but the cylindrical form became outdated later on. Today, the boxes should be made from one piece of animal hide that is kosher and creates a base with an upper box to contain the scrolls. These boxes are made at different quality levels.

Tefillin Gassot

Peshutim is the most basic form, and it’s crafted from several pieces of parchment to create the head Tefillin’s inner walls. Dakkot is the higher quality Tefillin, and it’s made from a thin piece of leather. The most durable option is called Gassot, and it is made from one piece of hiding. Leather straps that are black in color pass secure the Tefillin onto the wearer’s body. The Hebrew letter shin is molded on both sides of the head Tefillin. The texts should be written with ink that is halachically acceptable. The parchment used should be halachically acceptable as well. The letters should be written in order. Any error invalidates the text.

A sofer, a specially trained scribe, uses a quill pen to inscribe the scrolls in black ink. He needs to purify himself in the ritual bath or mikvah before he starts working on the scrolls. The parchment, straps, and boxes are made from a kosher animal. Each of the Tefillin boxes contains 1594 letters, which are personally written by the scribe. If one letter is incorrectly written or missing or an extra letter was written, the Tefillin are invalid.

Four passages from the Torah are inscribed on the scrolls. These passages include Kadesh, VeHayah Ki Yeviacha, The Shema and VeHayah Im Shamoa. The arm Tefillin has a single chamber, with all the passages written on one scroll. The head Tefillin has 4 chambers, with the passages written on 4 different scrolls. There’s also a raised Hebrew letter shin on each side of the head Tefillin. 

The scrolls are placed in small leather boxes that have been painted black and pressed into seamlessly geometrical shapes and smooth planes. The upper portion of the boxes is a perfect cube. The lower part is flatter and wider than the upper portion. It also has a slit through where the strap is threaded and knotted.  

The straps are painted black on one side. The arm Tefillin has a small loop that can be adjusted. The head Tefillin’s loop is large and fixed. The arm Tefillin’s knot is in the shape of the Hebrew letter “yud,” while the head strap is knotted in the shape of “daled.”

Jewish males over 13 years old should fulfill the mitzvah of Tefillin by wearing it anytime during the day. They recite a blessing and read the Shema prayer. Tefillin are traditionally worn during weekday morning prayers. It’s not worn on major Jewish holidays and Shabbat.

The head Tefillin are worn on the head like a crown. The box rests above the hairline in the center of the wearer’s forehead. The arm Tefillin are strapped either onto the right or left arm, with the box resting against the heart. The rest of the strap is wound around the arm 7 times.

Why Jewish Men Wear Tefillin

Mitzvah comes from the root word tzavta, which translates to the connection. A mitzvah establishes a bond between man and G-d. Tefillin can be considered as the ultimate mitzvah. One of the boxes is placed on the head, teaching a man to dedicate themselves to the service of G‑d in everything that they do, think and feel. The other box rests against the heart, the base of emotions.

How to Purchase Tefillin

Tallit and Tefillin together

A lot of effort and effort goes into making Tefillin, so expect the prices to be quite high. The raw materials are also expensive. Tefillin usually cost between $300 and $1,000. If you find one below this price range, you should be wary because it is most likely not authentic.

It’s also important to know which pair is right for you. Tefillin Gassot is the most expensive, but it is exceptionally durable and easier to repair than the other types. While Tefillin Peshutim is the most affordable option, it’s also the lowest quality. Consider your budget when buying a pair of Tefillin. Get the best one that you can afford. You can still accomplish the mitzvah of Tefillin with even the cheapest pair, but make sure that they are kosher.

After identifying the right pair for you, it is time to find a reputable source of Tefillin. If you don’t have any idea where to look, you can contact your local rabbi for some advice. Before you buy a pair of Tefillin, you have to discuss some matters with the source. Ask which nusach or custom they follow. Chabad, Ashkenaz, and Sefard are the standard customs. Different customs will affect the style of the Hebrew letters inscribed on the scroll and the way the straps are knotted. You should also consider your dominant arm when choosing a pair of Tefillin. Since the arm Tefillin’s box is placed on the less dominant arm, your choice will affect where the knot will be secured in the strap.

You should also know how to take care of your Tefillin. The ink on the scroll can fade or crack due to changes in weather or temperature. The leather of the straps and boxes can become damaged or warped over time. Avoiding hard knocks can help prevent most damage to the straps and boxes. Don’t rub the leather unnecessarily. You can also store your Tefillin in wood or plastic outer covers to protect it when it’s not being used. The cover should fit the box because if they don’t, they won’t be able to protect your Tefillin.

Don’t leave your Tefillin in the car for long periods. It should be stored at room temperature. You should also minimize its exposure to moisture to prevent discoloration. Have your Tefillin checked at least twice every seven years by a skilled scribe to make sure that the scrolls are still kosher. If the Tefillin hit something or fell, you should have it checked by a scribe immediately. Tefillin that are not used daily or lower quality ones should be checked often.

Purchasing Q & A

Tefillin Sephardic

If you have small old Tefillin at home from your grandfather or father, should you check it before use?

Tefillin that haven’t been used regularly should be examined. Even if the Tefillin were kosher before, their kashrut had expired a long time ago. This is why it is essential to check them because there’s a high possibility that the moment the Tefillin are opened, they won’t be in the best shape.  

Why are the benefits of housings crafted from behaima gassa?

Housings crafted from behaima gassa are more durable and superior halachically. The housing’s thickness is about 0.2 inches, and due to this thickness, any damage or dent can be fixed. Housings crafted of behaima daka have to be changed even if they only have a slight damage. No matter how small damage is, it is irreparable. Housings made from leather of behaima daka are also halachically inferior.

Why should your computer check a new parshiyot and how can you make ensure that this process has been done?

A computer check ensures that there’s no missing, invalid or extra letter on the scroll. Each computer test provides a photo and printout of a portion of the handwriting. If the source did not provide proof of this process, you should be wary because the source may not have conducted a computer check.

There are several “brands” in Israel, but is it better to buy from them?

Not all “brands” provide a high-quality product. Sometimes, a “brand name” serves an excuse for them to set higher prices for their products due to expensive advertising costs. The “brand name” is usually on the housing or boxes. These “brands” buy the parshiyot or portions from different sofrim or scribes. However, they don’t know all of these scribes personally. You have to purchase from a source that provides reliable professional and personal attention for their products. They should be able to tell you which scribe wrote the parshiyot. Reliable established manufacturers should produce the housings that they buy.

Why is a pair of Tefillin costly?

The cost of the Tefillin is affected by two factors – the written parshiyot and the housing. The parashiyot is the most significant part of the Tefillin. It can take 2 days or longer to write the parshiyot. Writing also requires great proficiency. The housings of the Tefillin are made from leather sourced from the hide of a special kosher animal. The hide is softened, folded or bended to create the housings. This is a lengthy process that can take months. Thicker leather or Behaima Gassa improves the Tefillin and increases its price. Tefillin made from thinner leather, or behaima daka is cheap, but its quality is poor.

What does parshiyot mehudarot mean? What level is considered superior?

You have to know the difference between the artistic writing at the “printing” level and superior writing on the halachic level. It is also important to consider the sofer’s unique attributes and devotion. This is where the costs of Tefillin increase. You should think carefully and decide if it is worth investing in it. There are mitzvah halachic rulings that can’t be seen by the public. You can look at the costs of parshiyot and rate them from 1 to 10. The lower levels might be barely kosher. When identifying the Tefillin’s level of superiority, you should consider the halachic aspect or write according to religious laws or halachot. Never compromise on the quality of your Tefillin.

Can Tefillin be delivered through the mail?

Tefillin can be sent through the mail, but it should be labeled as fragile and wrapped in protective layers. Since the Tefillin are a sacred object, they should get special attention.

Is it better to purchase Tefillin boxes crafted from behaima daka at first and then upgrade to superior boxes once he grows up?

Yes, it is. Some parents think that their child will forget his pair of Tefillin somewhere, so they buy a cheaper one at first. They believe that it is a waste of money to purchase the expensive ones because their child will lose it. You should write your phone number and your child’s name on the boxes that contain the Tefillin or on the Tefillin container or bag. This way, the Tefillin can be returned if your child loses it. Your child can learn to improve the good deeds or mitzvoth when he turns 13. In Israel, man can learn to enhance the mitzvoth during their army service. Never compromise on the cost of the parshiyot.

Is a computer test enough?

What you need to realize is that a computer test is not enough. While the computer is an excellent tool for identifying what is extra or missing, other defects need personal examination by a certified proofreader. In other words, the parshiyot should undergo proofreading by a qualified proofreader. A computer test is not needed during subsequently scheduled checkups because it is unlikely that the letters have vanished with time.

What’s the difference between housings made from behaima daka and housings crafted from a behaima daka?

Housings crafted from behaima daka are called superior plain, while housings made of behaima daka are called plain or simple. The housings or boxes called superior plain are not of genuinely superior quality, except when being compared to the usual “plain.” The plain options are not recommended as they are extremely inferior. This is because they are made of raw materials, which are composed of many extremely thin pieces of leather glued together. These options are borderline kosher.

Is there a commandment to own a pair of Tefillin? Is it okay to use borrowed Tefillin to fulfill the mitzvah?

You can still fulfill the mitzvah using a pair of borrowed Tefillin. There’s nothing wrong with using borrowed Tefillin, provided that they properly fit on your head. You can use borrowed Tefillin even regularly. The Tefillin used can belong to any person, but the placement of the boxes and the fit should be correct. Through mitzvah, you are signing or indicating your connection with the more in-depth contents of the text in the Tefillin.

Do you need to settle for carelessly written parshiyot when buying housing made of behaima daka?

Since the “market” wishes for a cheaper package, they provide a complete package that contains inferior parshiyot. Remember that the parshiyot is the important component of the Tefillin. If it’s economically feasible, try to invest in superior parshiyot.

When should you check the pair of Tefilin?

Most halachic authorities or poskim say that if a pair of Tefillin has been checked correctly, there’s no need to check again provided that it comes with a kashrut certification. If the Tefillin are used often and the paint shows no external signs of swelling, which could be a sign of the harsh effects of humidity or the sun, you can depend on the earlier examination. The test itself can damage the ink and the housings.

If the corners of the boxes or straps are showing signs of damage or the external paint has peeled, you should get the Tefillin fixed. However, repairing the outside of the Tefillin doesn’t involve any form of interference with the inside of the boxes. This is applicable after the Tefillin have gone through proper preliminary tests. Boxes with noticeable damage on the corners should be fixed as well. The perfect square shape of the boxes will be affected if the corners are worn out.

How do large families handle the expenses involved in bar mitzvah?

Bar mitzvah involves a catered meal in an extravagant hall, an impressive ceremony and the Tefillin. Some families spend a significant amount of money on the child’s bar mitzvah. There’s no halachic ruling which requires a person to have an expensive ceremony. They are not even obligated to purchase a pair of Tefillin. They only need to “lay” Tefillin. A simple celebration of bar mitzvah includes a family gathering, some light refreshment, and Torah reading.  The primary concern of families is getting a set of Tefillin. The bar mitzvah will wear the Tefillin for the rest of his life.

When should you replace the leather straps?

It’s important to know when to replace the leather straps. The width of the straps should be at least 0.4 inches. Even a small tear will make the straps invalid. If the damage is at the tip of the straps on an extra length on the arm Tefillin, there’s no problem. However, the entire strap should be changed if the tear is found at other places. If the whole strap of the head Tefillin is intact, you can relax because it is kosher.  If some of the ink has rubbed off, the damaged parts should be re-colored. You can buy a suitable felt marker to fix this damage. A new set of straps is not expensive.

If you purchase kosher for your house, should you get the super kosher tefillin?

Wearing Tefillin is a critical mitzvah. It’s observed every day on most days of the year. The boxes of the Tefillin are made of a thin kosher animal skin that is non-repairable. You will be obliged to purchase newer boxes or housings even if only a short period has passed. The parshiyot inside the boxes are the heart of the Tefillin. Cheap parshiyot are written hastily and carelessly that sometimes, it is hard to recognize the shape of the letters.

If you have the opportunity and enough money, it is best that you purchase higher quality parshiyot and cheaper housings. Although there are several levels of superior kosher or kashrut mehuderet, it is best that you get no less than the basic mehuderet level. Some people buy Tefillin after considering the splendor of the writing or the character of the sofer. The Tefillin should be halachically sound at the beginning. The Tefillin’s long life and durability will be enough to compensate for the cost.

Can you move parshiyot from old boxes to new ones?

You can move parshiyot from old boxes to new ones. If you have a pair of Tefillin, there’s a good chance that the parshiyot have appropriately been preserved and can use again when transferred to new boxes.

Do you need to get the parshiyot from the head and arm from the same sofer?

You don’t need to get the parshiyot from the head and arm from the same sofer. If you want to buy the parshiyot from a different scribe, you are free to do so.

Why is it common to lay Tefillin during morning prayers or Shacharit?

The time allotment of Tefillin is all day, but most people lay Tefillin during morning prayers or Shacharit. If you don’t have a pair of Tefillin during morning prayers, you can pray or daven without them. You can lay Tefillin at another point during the day.

When should you start laying the Tefillin?

The responsibility to lay Tefillin starts at the age of 13 and 1 day. Different customs are observed in the community. Some boys wait for the Torah obligation and the big day, while others lay Tefillin 2 or 3 months before becoming bar mitzvah.

What if the sewing thread has torn in some parts? Can you continue to lay Tefillin with a blessing or bracha?

If the sewing thread is torn in 3 places, you can’t make a bracha. You can still make a bracha if the sewing thread is ripped in fewer places.

Where should you place the arm Tefillin?

You should put the arm Tefillin on your non-dominant hand. The box is placed at the height of your heart.

Where should you place the head Tefillin?

You should not place the head Tefillin between the eyes or on the forehead. Don’t rest the Tefillin anywhere else. It should be placed above the front hairline above your eyes.

What if there’s a kosher sticker at the bottom of the box for the head Tefillin?

The kosher sticker is placed during the production of the boxes. It confirms that the box for the head is superior quality kosher. However, you should keep in mind that this sticker doesn’t have anything to do with the parashiyot quality. You have to remove the sticker before using the box.

Why is there no sticker on the box of the arm Tefillin?

The arm Tefillin doesn’t have a sticker because it is quite simple to produce and there’s no chance of fraud.

When you wear the Tefillin, you will be connecting to and fulfilling the will of G‑d. You have to remind yourself to become a better person and that you are doing something that your ancestors did. Moreover, you are improving the chances that your descendants will want to do it as well. The straps connect you to past, present, and future and G-d.

Different Types:

TEFILLIN DAKKOT – FROM GOAT/SHEEP’S SKIN:

Those are considered good Tefillin and are less pricey, but aren’t considered as preferable as the next kind.

TEFILLIN GASSOT – FROM CATTLE SKIN:

Those are more expensive and are considered superior to Tefillin Dakot, according to Halacha.

TEFILLIN GASSOT – FROM CATTLE SKIN – MEHUDAR:

These Tefillin are made from cattle skin as well but created with more “hidoorim” than the regular Tefillin Gassot. Considered to be the best of the best, they are also the most sturdy and expensive ones.

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #7- “This is gonna be a match for the ages!”- Chris

This was a really interesting tribal result/challenge combo. I don't even know what to say, really. Cheatham was supposed to go 3-2, but Steven was intimidated by his idol so I guess he flipped to him, and Noah somehow found out so he voted with Cheatham. I know why he didn't tell me, which was because he didn't want to risk being idoled out, but tbh I don't really know how he found out. Idk, maybe he lied? Or maybe he just didn't really know what to say. Regardless, maybe this doesn't look too good for me... down the line. I think I'm in the best position of the 4 Thrush to merge who doesn't have an idol. 2 people have to go over to Petrel, and they will be the only 2 eligible to be voted out. Cheatham would play his idol in this situation, (I just realized this isn't a guarantee but it would be insane to convince him so it's essentially impossible), so whoever goes over there with him is dead no matter what. It can't be me, and I need to think about who it should be. However, Noah and Steven are so deadset on sending Cheatham to Petrel that trying to change it now would be suspicious, so one of them has to die. Noah and I were allied for a while, but I still have some questions I need to ask him before I can be 100% sure that I'm making the right decision. He and Steven both came to me with different stories about what happened at tribal, both saying that the other one was so deadset on voting Amy that they had no choice but to vote her as well. idk what to make of this, bc I can't tell if one of them is lying or if there was just a miscommunication. Talking to Noah would probably help me figure out. Steven is clearly a relatively suggestible player (easy to flip to your side), so keeping him might be beneficial. Of course, he goes to the power, and in this case, the power is Petrel's numbers. So keeping him would depend on what Austin, who is the only person heavily connected to both of us (and could be at the tribe, so not Noah), does. I can't be voted out here so it's not a huge problem, but I can be set up terribly for the merge. After typing this out it's clear that Steven will have to go. No one would be mad at me, because I didn't really have a lot of choices here, but I think I'll make the right one tomorrow.

For this challenge we are gonna have to send Kyle over first. At the point we are at, he may have to be a casualty for us all to make it through. After that we get as many people as possible over and the ones who dont will stay in Petrel and have an easy road to a majority. Worst comes to worst we do Liam

(LATER)

I would say that tonight I hate to say it but we can get Liam and Vincent out of the game. I think it would have my options more open with the people left in the game...can it happen though?

The target seems to be Liam. Liam, the Dom to my Colin. If you go I am so sorry. I tried to get them to switch to someone else, but I just couldn’t risk my game. I hope we can be besties after. Maybe we can start a podcast to rival the real Dom and Colin? All the love! <3

Holy shit I hope we can pull this off and get a actual big threat out. Love gwen as a person but for my game she gotta go .

So we are in this challenge and the first vote ends in a blindside of Gwen going and I have to say I realize the votes fell where they were when Tim left but when AnnMarie basically said she couldn't trust me after that vote it felt like a slap in the face since I wanted to keep her and I'm part of a reason she is here. I just hope I can make it out of tonight and go from there woo

(LATER)

So everyone I guess was in on the gig. Which just means whatever happens from here on out, I remember that all of them showed their hand. I think if they vote Gwen or Rizo or me out then it makes sense. If not then all this does is show that they suspect without actually targeting us

This competition is a mess & I'm really hoping it works out for me. This entire round has been touch and go for myself, having to create a new alliance with the people on the bottom hoping that it keeps my name out of people's mouths for the time being, and I think it's working? But this swap can easily mess it all up. I've gotta put my trust in Austin in the latter part of this challenge & hope he's actually wanting to swap over with us, which for him is much better in the bigger picture, but he could've easily just fed me, Sara and AnnMarie over to the wolves and left us to fend for ourselves against 2 Thrush's and another 3 Petrel's, and take his immunity to the merge with the other two Thrush's that'll join him, but we'll see I suppose. If he doesn't do this his numbers can easily be picked off at the beginning of the merge, so I just hope he knows that. I'm so nervous but if push comes to shove I might just have to throw someone under the bus to get the result I want, which is me sitting pretty at Final 10.

Steven already throwing Vincent on the bus like he didnt tell Austin about the big alliance lol Gwen mentioned she told him but Im willing to play along. I definitely feel like Gwen is in trouble so I have expect her to be gone. Me and Rizo can salvage our position and go from there but all of em are fair game to me!

(LATER)

I think I was really gung ho on Vincent going and then I got blindaided and talked to Austin. He had it planned me and Rizo would be immune. I don't trust Steven all that much but like I am wondering. It is kinda big that our tribe left us out of a vote and now expects me and Rizo to vote with them? I dunno. I have to see if the longevity is worth it but I definitely feel like the fact they left us out of a vote says a lot and right now I just wonder...

The immunity challenge did not go the way I planned for it to go. I was the first one sent over, and I immediately knew that I was the target. I am not an idiot. Sara saying she accidentally voted for me to go over? Yeah freaking right. I am going to lay low, and hope that Noah and Cheatham are willing to work with me. Noah says that he can probably get Cheatham to play his idol on me. I'm putting my game in their hands. They know I'm a threat, I know they are threats. We will have to stick together if this happens. Rizo and Chris have some 'splainin to do.

And in one corner we got VINCENT and in the other we got STEVEN! This is gonna be a match for the ages! Who will survive? Who will die? THERE WILL BE BLOOD! THERE WILL BE TEARS! THERE WILL BE SWEAT! Tune in tonight at 11:05PM!

OMG this is gonna be so stressful.  Gotta keep everyone happy so I can get what I need to happen.  I can go with cheatham and noah to the end or go with annmarie and sara either way I'm good I feel .

I am probably getting voted out. So at this point, I'm just throwing all the info out there and hoping the vote gets switched.

I'm about to go on revenge tour for Gwen

PETREL

3 votes Steven, 1 vote Vincent.

THRUSH

7 votes Gwen, 1 vote Liam

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #6: "My brain does not math at this hour. Stay tuned." - Sharky

I'm so sad. Everything worked out just like we thought it would but it's still not what I wanted. Charlie went home and he was actually a really good ally. I feel like I maybe could have done more to try and save him but then I would have lost other allies.

OKAY. LET'S. DISH. This swap also worked out really freakin well for me. My #1 Brian is still with me by my side. I was reunited with Dennis who is part of Four of a Kind, plus he is a challenge BEAST. Nick actually thinks I voted to save him which is not the case but made me looks like such a good ally to him, so I had to do 0 damage control. And I'm finally on a tribe with Matt who I've been wanting to work with. This is actually the best case scenario.

Welp. I knew something was happening but a swap wasnt it. Lucky i talked to Bryce earlier so he has my back. We also have Keaton and Marie but we have to see where their heads at. Nate is talking to me and right now i really like his vibe. Annebelle i havent had a chance to but wasnt able to make it so idk if they’ll be here. Hopefully we can win immunity tonight.

So we swapped. Again. AND I AM THE ONLY FUCKING OG MADIGAN ON MY TRIBE. THIS IS SOME BS. James the lil'bitch had to fucking quit over a fucking flash game so we could have MERGED but NO! I see how it is. At least I have Dennis and Brian (who i would literally DIE for) and nicole as well! Sharky is an FB ORG legend so im looking forward to getting to know him. Nick already seems dry asf so yay? Like I think I can blend in quickly with this tribe, but I am still nervous about what would happen if we merge. IDK if the FBers (its weird to me how im considered one now LOL) will team up or whether we will wither and die and I have to pull out my idol (yah i still have some sanity!) WOO TIME TO CRY AT ENDURANCE

ok well we swapped and im kind of loving it but not. like i love that maynor and nathan are here. but so is kirby! so! i miss dennis and brian seems like a legend so i wanted to play with him but oh well maybe merge if i survive! its awk this live challenge bc marie prob wont be doing it like even during the good times for her timezone KJHFADKSJDF. but! ugh dennis is gonna slay this so sad i have a good sleep schedule yikes. its fun that nicole is on the other tribe hopefully that evens it out for us having marie. annabelle hasnt spoken to me yet either so. hmmm.... maynor wants to work with me so thats GREAT love him wooh!!!

Okay we are actually working really well as a tribe on this challenge. No shade to my previous tribes but I haven't seen this much teamwork in a challenge yet this season. Feels good.

This swap was really good for me i think. And I had 2 swaps today and I was going crazy. I have now Bryce and Keaton both wanting to work with me which is good because now we atleast can make it a tie if the others dont want to work with us. I really like Nate so Im going to try and see where he’s heads at. Marie doesnt talk much and is offline. And starting to talk to Anna. I dont think we are going to win this immunity.

Matt is great. End of story.

3:51 am. Dennis, Matt, and I have really stayed up to pull this challenge together. And we are so close. This would give Brian and I a much needed break from tribal council and considering I can see myself working with all of these players I'd rather us win so I can have as many options as possible when we merge. I just need to stay up for another hour or so to get this done. Matt and Dennis have already stayed up all night to get it done. Also though in the back of my mind I'm clocking how Dennis works REALLY hard at these challenges...maybe too hard. And now I'm rambling...because it is now 3:54 am.

4:21 am. We think we have won. Unsure. My brain does not math at this hour. Stay tuned.

SO WE WON IMMUNITY WOOOO! Thank god, live tribals for some reason would make me really nervous so i am happy to be safe! hopefully the merge is soon as well, would love to get there and know i made jury (something which doesn't happen too me that often ngl) Sharky and I really hit it off last night, and i know this cause we established that Betty white is very dom but also caring about her subs. so thats a sentence you just read. If feel like even if I went to tribal, im likeable enough to make into into the majority alliance that could spring up, so I am happy with how I am playing tbh. Will it make me a threat further down the line? probs but i'll deal with that later

Can I just say that the laptop Discord is way better than mobile Discord. But catch me still using mobile discord all the time. Anyways.... It looks like the target might be Marie for tribal. TBH I really hope this tribal goes smoothly and everyone just votes for Marie. She was one and didn't help out in the challenge, as far as I could tell. Haven't seen the ones after I deadass fell asleep on my phone. Bryce and Keaton have my back so that's all that matter. Nate I have to keep an eye on because he threw my name with Marie because he didn't talk to me. (He was telling Keaton this.) I was like bruh why you lying. We literally talked for a couple of hrs after the swap before you went to bed. I'll update if there is any more spicyness. but It sucks though. Now only 2 people to have not gone to tribal is Dennis and Nicole.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vk_Ur9d_wY8&feature=youtu.be

only audio this time. Like switching it up hehe

everything is so quiet i think im going home which is super sad bc the game is pretty fun and i really wanted to work with maynor dennis and nathan somemore but oh well!!! am i a meninist? also i stan annabelle again she like kind of doesnt talk to me but when she does shes a legend league goddess. marie is so inactive that im going to vote her but i wish keaton left instead!

Hello! I am still safe and probably will remain so until merge, so.....this is fun! Lots of fun! Every time I try to contribute to a challenge I wake up and we've already won or finished it. I...is this the work ethic of Discord games? If so, I love being carried like this. Anyways, hoping that anyone who was cordial to me on my last tribe doesn't get the boot. I'm figuring Maria might go just because she has been so inactive (except that one time Keaton called her inact in the chat and she came on like AND WHAT ABOUT IT???). So anyways that's my thoughts on that. See ya at merge (?) or maybe we are gonna have another round before that.

Today is the day i go to my first tribal. Its kinda nerve wracking but also not because everyone seems to be unified to vote out Marie tonight. Its barely 11:22 am so anything can happy until 5 pm. Im just hoping nothing crazy is happening.

Okay so this day off has been really great for me. Especially since we are still expecting a merge. And we all know once merge hits the party don't stop. However, I'm really interested to see what happens with this vote. Maynor is all alone but I need him to make the merge. Aside from Brian he is my best ally. Not to mention Nathan and Annabelle want to work with me. If they go I won't be heartbroken but I could use the allies. Then there is Bryce and Marie. I have no relationship with them but in a merge situation I think Brian could pull them into something. So I guess best case scenario Keaton goes. But also as long as it's not Maynor I would have to readjust my strategy.

OK, so it's been a couple of days!  I said I'd do confessionals daily but it just doesn't work with how little is going on in the game on the winning tribe!  I know that Nicole approached Sharky for some alliance with her and Dennis, but I just... 2 people doesn't make the numbers on the tribe and Sharky will be more loyal to me as opposed to them!

I guess I didn't really talk much about the swap either because it did just happen.  Basically I got majority of my OG tribe (Nicole, Dennis, Sharky, and myself), but I also got Matt and Nick.  I ADORE Matt and so I plan on working with him in the long run of this game if possible, and I'd love to make Nick the first boot from this tribe hehe... he needs to go before he gets his hands on any more items.  He thinks Sharky was the vote against Charlie and not me, so maybe Sharky snapped, but I genuinely don't care at the moment because Nick wouldn't feed me any information like he would feed Sharky since I know Sharky's playing a good social game.  I like Nicole and Dennis but I just don't care about longterm plans with either of them.  Ideally, I'd love my endgame to be me, Sharky, Marie, Bryce, Matt, and Nathan so that I sit perfectly in the middle of people I want to work with, but I don't know if that's their ideal plans with me, soooo!! I love dis game, and I'm really glad I got this day break after my team carried my ass because I just needed some quiet time…

I like this tribe because we won the challenge.. nothing has really happened besides me talking to some people and making some stronger connections... we all see a merge being what comes next and i cant wait for it to happen.

Idk I think this tribal will go ok but people haven’t really been talking to me a whole lot on this swap so hopefully no ones lying to me and I’m getting fucked over tonight we’ll see I guess fingers crossed!!

We swapped and lost immunity and I have no idea what's happening once again. I'm gonna vote Keaton again because of his behavior and hopefully I'm not the one being voted out ugh

Marie is voted out 5-1.

[survivorcutthroat]

Episode 1: “There’s a 50 year old playing this game.” - Zack (Part 2)

*shocker* Nehe blew it. Big. 

 Good news? We got Seamus to join us + I think there's a very tentative plan in motion right now....Seamus told Nehe that Zack and Amir are close so if me/him/Nehe and Dustin vote together we have instant majority and we can boot Zack  like I have been wanting to.... 

But of course, I can't trust Seamus yet as he is yet to tell this info directly to me - just to Nehe. I'll work on that... 

But for now I'll let Nehe do the scheming for the both of us so that if it backfires, the bullet hits him harder than me. =)

Stevie is now on our tribe, as we have lost immunity. I'm selling him on the idea of "Ali is the guy here we all look to for guidance" so that he wants Ali gone. I've been gunning for Ali while having an alliance with him since day one. Gotta cut throats before throats cut you. 

This is so uglyyy omg. Voting Sherry was a huge mistake, however, we had no idea what the vote would entail. It could have been voting someone to redemption island for all we know. Sherry had to complete a series of puzzles, and they're some of the worst puzzles I've ever seen. Stevie and Seamus are fucking freaks. Then this twist comes and they have to vote at our tribal too. And freaking Stevie chooses my tribe 

 I hate Stevie and my relationship with him isn't very good. I prefer Seamus because I think he would have my back. I don't feel safe, but I have Ali and Bodhi. Dom might help me, but he hasn't really talked to me since the first day. Sherry and I don't talk to, and she is super busy. My concerns are that Sherry might have something for doing the challenge, and Stevie might try to stir the pot. Kill me, Tommy help me out god. I have no idea why Eddie hates me, he's trying to rig against me. This cast is meh no wonder I'm on it. 

 Btw, I came to a realization that I should consider not dating, liking, crushing, or doing anything with another guy they are disgusting and fakes and ugly. I'm so done with them. 

 Me: let me be more social! 

also me: doesn't talk to people on my tribe

Okay I made a decision. I'm gonna stick to my guns. I am not letting nehe or crow leave and im not compromising. I know I've been in denial but it's time to face the facts. My tribe is going to tribal. I'm going to make sure nehe doesn't go. I think he'll 100% be a loyal ally. He so sweet and I like him and I have a feeling he's not gonna hit it off with a lot of people. 

Second, I truly truly hope crow doesn't go. I love him as a person he's literally my husband but like, I'm not gonna throw my game away for him. If he's the one going then he's the one going. I need to make sure me and nehe are safe over him because I can control nehe more than I can control crow. If crow does go, then me and nehe are enough to force a tie if we go to tribal again. 

Third, is zack. Zack and I have a long history and I've known him for 2 years. Taking him out isn't bad for my game but I genuinely would be so bad because I love him as a person so I really really don't want to. 

Fourth is Dustin, nice kid, pretty hot lowkey, but he can go. I really do like him as a person but uhhhgg 

Zack just confirmed he's with Dustin. ZAXK WANTS ME HIM AND DUSTIN TO ALIGN. I WASNT MEANT FOR THIS FUCKING GAME. THIS IS Not what I want. I think crow is gonna be the one to go. I am SO sad. I DONT WVEN KNOW IF I TRUST ZACK OR DUSTIN. WHAT IF IM BEING PLAYED? I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM. How am I suppose to talk to dustin when he never fuckin replies? Maybe I should just vote myself out and be lucky. If I'm with Zack/Dustin I'm at the bottom cuz they're close. If I'm with nehe and crow I'm at the top cuz they're both close to me. I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to keep my fucking mouth shut and wait for zack and Dustin to campaign to nehe and wait to see what crow wants to do. I need to like be patient and wait. That's what I need to do

We are more than halfway through round one and I am loving this game!! When it started and I saw the cast reveal i almost immediately quit because i saw Jaiden and Sid and i needed to GO, but then they weren't on my tribe so it was fine. I really like my tribe! Me and Tommy have always gotten along, although we don't have much playing experience together. Cole and I have a weird relationship in games that I don't fully understand but this time around I am liking it. I like Abel, and Matt is a cool dude. i really like that all of us searched for the idol because otherwise I probably wouldn't have searched and missed the potential opportunity. In terms of the other people in the cast, I LOVE LIANA!!!! One of my faves, so happy she is here! Seamus I get along with well, and surprisingly I have been talking to Bodhi a decent amount. My biggest fear is in this game I don't know how more than half of these people are as players. I know about less than half of the cast and Id on't like that. gonna have to snoop around and ask how these bitches played in their past games.

So walking into this game - I feel pretty decent about the cast. I know certain people for good reasons and some for bad reasons. When I look at the people I see Dustin & Cole, of which as all played BBHell together and on separate occasions flirted with each other. This was my first game from a year ago. I had to unblock Dustin from a year ago. Yikes. 

People are recognizing me from India. "India", "robbed of Switzerland" whatever blah blah blah. Considering I don't play tumblr to often I kinda just like to do me so I play a bit medicore I guess. But they all know me so w/e. 

My tribe is pretty decent. I'm happy. As a tribe we haven't talked but one on one my strongest relations are in this tribe. Sherry is one of my bffs

Oh my, I'm so scared about this game. At least Stevie won the immunity challenge but I feel like I'm missing out on so much gameplay. I feel like there is a alliance(s) that I'm not in. What should I do, I've generally scared. I think people like me personally, but I could be wrong like always. I'm really trying to lay low in this game and I'm hoping people will forget about me for the most part the game. I don't know if I should start a majority alliance in my tribe OR I should get 2 people from each tribe and form a 8 person alliance where we all work together to get rid of people that isn't in the alliance, the nice thing about two tribes losing two members tomorrow is that this alliance could totally happen. The only thing is that this plan would completely backfire on me because I would be playing too hard to fast. I'm so conflicted, if my tribe does up going to tribal, I'm probably going to vote out Matt because I know him the least (I've said this like 7 times jeez). I'm going to try and be lovable in this game and have people think I'm easily manipulated and doing their will so they won't target me. Oh man, this game makes me paranoid.

So pretty much whats going to (hopefully) happen is that Nehe will be hitting the road after taking 4 hours of his life on those puzzles. Yes he didnt quit. But still he was 3 hours behind even placing 2nd. For us to be down to a tribe of 4 its going to rely on comp scores so he has to go. ive talked alot to crow, amir ,and zack and we all seem to get along. however i am suspicious of amir and zacks previous relationship. Hopefully we can all vote together today and send Nehe packing.Oh my, I'm so scared about this game. At least Stevie won the immunity challenge but I feel like I'm missing out on so much gameplay. I feel like there is a alliance(s) that I'm not in. What should I do, I've generally scared. I think people like me personally, but I could be wrong like always. I'm really trying to lay low in this game and I'm hoping people will forget about me for the most part the game. I don't know if I should start a majority alliance in my tribe OR I should get 2 people from each tribe and form a 8 person alliance where we all work together to get rid of people that isn't in the alliance, the nice thing about two tribes losing two members tomorrow is that this alliance could totally happen. The only thing is that this plan would completely backfire on me because I would be playing too hard to fast. I'm so conflicted, if my tribe does up going to tribal, I'm probably going to vote out Matt because I know him the least (I've said this like 7 times jeez). I'm going to try and be lovable in this game and have people think I'm easily manipulated and doing their will so they won't target me. Oh man, this game makes me paranoid.

welp. i'm going to mother fucking tribal. 

my plan? seamus told me nehe and crow said my name.. so nehe and crow can CHOKE. i wanna make an alliance with dustin and amir and vote nehe out hehe. honestly. can all these people choke so i can win. like just give me the win.

This is so ugly. I love Ali so much. Me and Ali have an alliance with Bodhi, but Bodhi does not trust Ali. Sherry is obviously trying to save herself, and why the hell is it catching on? Dom's dumbass is barely here, Stevie shouldn't even be a part of this tribe this twist is rigged. But Bodhi? Like hell man why do you think Sherry is going to be more loyal to us than Ali? We voted for Sherry! Unless he's saying he didn't vote or didn't actually vote. Like Sherry and Stevie i undersrand voting for Ali, but Bodhi? What the hell? We're in an alliance with him do you really think he's going to flip onus now? So stupid these people are so stupid.

Nehe and I are talking, and he's one of the few people in the game I think is absolutely telling me the truth. I want him on my side when a swap hits. Right now my trust is in Amir, Abel, Dom, Sherry, and Nehe. I've got moderate amounts of trust with Crow, Mearl, Tommy, Stevie, Rob, Ali (but im killing him tonight), Seamus, and several other people. I am feeling GOOD about this game if I can make it past this tribal.

I talked to everybody that's originally on my tribe and the vote is split between Sherry and Ali. Bodhi is such a snake. I went on call with Dom who I loved a lot the first night and he told me that Bodhi exposed our alliance to him for no reason. Dom isn't even close to Bodhi. Bodhi is obviously trying to control the vote and doing what is right for him. Fake I knew i never liked him. I do want to work with Dom and Eddie's Breadies is definitely not a thing anymore. 

[12:35:25 PM] Bodhi: Who are you working with on your tribe> 

[12:35:34 PM] Nehe Mehe: lol can you keep a secret? 

[12:35:52 PM] Bodhi: absolutely 

[12:35:55 PM] Nehe Mehe: at the moment all of them cause they all wanna work with me 

[12:35:56 PM] Bodhi: there's no one i'd tell 

then i went and told Amir.

1 hour later:

I'm hella nervous tribal council is coming up in three hours but everything should be fine. Amir settled on voting out Zack and Seamus is all good and so is Crow and I dont know where Dustin is at but yeah he better vote Zack out too. I gotta watch how I play out in the Live tribal portion but I feel like I have a chance to stay but I can tragically still get blindsided.

[2:41 PM] Ali  TAnveer: We need you You're the fun person in the tribe

[2:41:31 PM] Bodhi: I wanted tribal at 5 :'( 

[2:41:40 PM] Ali  TAnveer: I was. Tribal now 

[2:41:46 PM] Ali  TAnveer: Or 5 :( 

[2:42:48 PM] Bodhi: 5 is just better 

[2:44:08 PM] Ali  TAnveer: It is [2:44:15 PM] Ali  TAnveer: I might be out tonight 

Ali has no idea how right he is. He means that he wont be around for tribal, but he won't be around after tribal either.

15 minutes later:

OOPS hahahaha fuck. Ok so Rob wants me to flip on the plan to take out Ali, and he's made good arguments. I'm gonna keep Ali around and do Sherry instead. Sherry is less active, and has more friends. Ali is a more visable target. There goes my big flip plan!

Ugh okay so this is #4 on day 4. So basically since i won my tribe was safe. Then we got to deal with 2 twists. First is do we want to keep, throw away, or give someone and idol clue. Of course i keep it bc why would I want someone else to have it? Plus i can just lie and give others a fake clue. The second is that I joined the red tribe and go to tribal with them but im immune... So i get to vote and im p sure imma vote zack, even though i think i can work with him, i need switzerland and great lakes people to leave. I cant risk having their former relationships come into play and bite me in the butt. SO tonight it will either be Nehe or Zack but I'm voting Nehe! Wish me luck!

Okay y'all I'm packing my bags. Fuck! This! Twist! FUCK THIS CAST! I HATE. Fuck seamus. Next time I'm on a tribe with him he's getting lit tf up. It's round one and he made up lies about me already and it's really sad because he really doesn't know who he's fucking with. Bitch boy just ruined his own game If I survive this tribal I'm going to end him. I am going to Fucking END SEAMUS. He looks like the mom from suite life of zack and cody. He's like telling nehe that me and zack are best friends and basically pinning the target on us and telling nehe that I talked to him the least when I literally have talked with Seamus everyday. Like is he inbred? I was starting to really like him but he truly fucked himself over now. I don't rest until his basic white gay ass goes.   

The info I know: 

1. Make nehe 100% on board with me again. 

2. Nehe wants to vote zack or Dustin but he doesn't want to vote crow. 

3. Zack wants to convince nehe to vote Dustin instead of him but he still wants to vote nehe out. 

4. Seamus wants either zack or I out 

Info I need: 

1. Is dustin still 100% on the vote nehe out train? 

2. Crow told me and Dustin he wants to vote nehe but told nehe he wants to do zack or Dustin but preferably Dustin. What tf does crow want? 

Nehe knows too much. Crow isn't gonna go, no one wants him out. I got nehe protecting me right now. What I need to know is If crow is really with nehe and he genuinely wants to vote out zack or Dustin. 

As much as I love nehe, Crow has sunk his social game claws into him already. He's the middle man between zack/Dustin and me/crow. If I'm able to survive this round and get through this I can for sure make the target next week to be Dustin or crow. Nehe is STILLLLL telling people that me and zack are a final 2.

I FUCKING HATE THIS CAST. Dustin keeps me sane. I'm glad I have him. How did he go from my least fav on the tribe to my absolute fav? 

[7/6/17, 3:52:25 PM] Amir: On 7/6/17, at 3:51 PM, Nehe Mehe wrote: > you are way nicer than i would’ve guessed Amir 

Okay I feel fucking bad but like he literally went and told the whole tribe that me and zach are a final 2. Im scared but tbh my skin has been clear for a long ass time and I got a pimple today and this game is to blame. If I get voted out I might become sane again.

Ah what a lovely event tribal council is! I thought I would be in trouble but I'm actually likable I think??? Wow I'm shooketh.

So after Nehe's blunder at the comp and Zack's inept social game, it put them both on the chopping block. I would love to just chop both but I have to choose apparently....Nehe has Seamus on his side and Zack has Amir on his side leaving Dustin and I, the dream team of distrust, as the swing votes. (But there's a lot of lies in between so it might not be that clear)

And although I'm closer to Nehe, him going reaps more benefits as I gain trust with Dustin, Zack, and Amir and cut the only person who would be my enemy moving into this tribe swap....

So I'm throwing my first knife at Nehe and I think it's going to pierce his heart. Whoops! #AnyoneButMe right?

#ChaosCrow or #CutthroatCrow ? I bet bitches didn't see me cutting so early but this is my second chance and I'm ready to draw blood.

SO! Guess who's ready for another summer of stress, sadness and seventh place? It's ya boy, Sid! With Magyi's tribal in 15 minutes, this confessional MAY be a little overdue, but I'm here to break down days one through four for you. 

Sagu is a beautiful tribe for beautiful people. At least, that's what I thought. Now, I've realized that I'm kinda pissed off that I'm not with my Twister Sister Sherry, or my number one: Amir. Y'all put me on a tribe with Jaiden, whose reputation precedes him, Luke, who I haven't talk to in days, and Seamus, who is probably the worst liar I've met. Seriously, someone let him win a game? I trust Liana the most right now, but even that is like a 7/10. 

I vibed with Seamus at first, but as soon as I approached him about working together, he really showed his cards with his tone. I don't trust him at all, and, after hearing about his antics on Magyi (thanks to this loser twist), I trust him even less. As SOON as I get the chance, he's gone. I have a metaphorical place on my wall for his metaphorical head. WE'RE GOING TROPHY HUNTING, BOYS. That being said, I'm in an "alliance" (more of a trust cluster) with him and Liana. 

I really feel like I'm keeping a level head, and I'm trying to play less antsy. That, however, isn't going to keep me from making big moves. One World sucks, but at least I can talk to Amir. He's honestly my number one, and I'd never betray him. I love Sherry too, and I can't wait to reunite with her again. I'm going to go watch Magyi's tribal now, but I'm so excited to play Cutthroat Island!!! It's going to be a doozie.

Idk what's happening this tribal, maybe bodhi is not with us? He aint replying maybe they are against me and rob, these people are crazy and I just wanna stay, I give my heart and souls to this game.

Hello! I'm back for a third time now to attempt a second win! I'm really nervous to start the season but also super excited to have gotten another chance at the win. It's weird being one of two winners in this season. The feeling is just weird and unexplainable. I believe this season is going to be super messy and people will be all over the place, I just hope to at least make merge and jury and from there get to the end. My tribe is really good we have a lot of people who made it far and I genuinely like all of them. Since this is a one word season I wanna make a few connections with the people on other tribes to so I'm safe for a swap or something. I feel like I'm paranoid 24/7 this season compared to my other two seasons where I felt I always tried to make a safety net for myself... this season there is no way I can make a safety net yet because I don't trust many if any people. As for my tribe I feel like I wouldn't be the first boot just because of my first impressions I think, however you can never know. For right now before swaps or anything I wanna be seen as a coattail rider and start from the bottom up and work my way into a good position so people will not target me right away and work on relationships with people. 

I'm so happy Stevie won the challenge because that means I made Final 18! I'm so happy I didn't get the first two boots I honestly would have actually cried A LOT. I'm even more nervous now that there is less people because one step closer to the end and it'll only get more cutthroat from here on out.

I went on call with Dom who revealed Bodhi is shady. Dom said that he would like people to be straightforward with him. I agree, so i decided to tell Ali everything. Ali knows what is happening because i do really like him and he deserves to know. I told Bodhi that voting Ali is stupid and he believed me. Sherry is going to flip because she knows she's on the chopping block. So flipping Bodhi should flip Dom too. The vote should be Sherry, but she said she has the idol. I don't know if I believe it, but it should be Ali then? Fucl Stevie btw. If this vote goes to plan I'll scream I might have done that. 

I had 7 calls back to back to back. 

JAIDEN I hated Jaiden from before this game, but after talking to him he seems quite alright and I'd love to work with him this time around. I actually really like jaiden which is a huge suprise. 

ROB Rob just needed some reassuring. I reassured his ass. 

ALI Ali needed reassuring as well. I did the exact same to him 

STEVIE I needed to fill Stevie in on the vote so he didn't get mad when it was Sherry 

ABEL We talked about the game for a bit, nothing spesific but we got along great ALI Abel hung up on me and Ali wanted me to call again. We said almost nothing and I think he's happy. 

ABEL Oh my god. This was the most important call of the game. We were giggling about our dislike of Luke together, and we're going to go FAR. I love Abel and I want to go to the end with him.