#doing time in the depression
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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twisted wonderland × kimetsu no yaiba (au!)
based on this post here.
I this this on a a japanese song only playlist and a wave of hiperfixation. So heres the context: Yuno (Yuu) and Leona were newly married and lived on his family’s land. On the night after the Town Below festival, Yuno returned home to find not only her husband’s family dead but also her younger brother, Grimm. Leona was the only one still alive, but as she tried to lead him down the mountain, she discovered that he was no longer human.
Silver, a demon slayer, confronted Leona. However, after witnessing him protect Yuno, he chose to spare the newly turned demon’s life, and send the couple to his master, Lilia.
Vil and Rook are the Tamayo and Yuuchiro of this universe. Vil lived more than 300 years only on serving face and hate, nonetheless showed kindness by helping Yuno and Leona after their encounter with the Demon King.
Ace and deuce are both slayers, one ranking above yuu. The three met during a mission, and the two decided to stick by her side from that point on.
#I WILL ELABORATE ONCE MY PEANUT BRAIN RECOVER#IF ANYONE WANTS DO SOMETHING USING THIS PLEASE SHOW ME IM BEGGING YOU#HUGE LILIA DEPRESSION VIBES HERE#but ace and deuce nearly kill eachother all the time#I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT VIL EXCEPT SLAY#i have to re-read chap one to write riddle and cater#“why yuu and leona are married?” i need my angst enemies/strangers to lovers or i may just die#neither friends or in love but a secret third thing#twisted wonderland#twst#twst fanart#disney twisted wonderland#leona x yuu#leona kingscholar#twisted wonderland yuu#yuno yamine#silver twisted wonderland#lilia vanrouge#silver vanrouge#vil schoenheit#rook hunt#cater diamond#riddle rosehearts#ace trappola#deuce spade#reinbouxsart#disney twst#demon slayer!au
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Just your average male living space.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen qing#lan wangji#A-Yuan#wei wuxian#(***Content warning for me talking about unhygienic living conditions in the tags today***).#The worst part of drawing this comic is that I've seen so much worse. This is a livable space.#I've helped out friends and family who were struggling and let me just say...I have seen some pretty dysfunctional living spaces.#Hell I've *lived* in some very dysfunctional living spaces.#Hording dishes under the bed was always something that grossed me out but it's unfortunately something I've seen people do way too often.#The horror everyone has upon walking into WWX's 'living' set up is so consistently 'Mate how are you living like this?'#It's honestly so integral to me that WWX's 'just left home for the first time' house/room be a depression/dysfunction pit.#You can learn a lot about someon's state of mind from how they keep their living space...and this guy is oozing 'deep depression'.#I don't think he's eaten anything but foods that classify as a struggle meal in a year.#Everyone is trying to stage an intervention but he just isn't in a good enough place to help himself.#By the way: I want to steer away from shaming people who have messy homes/rooms because life *does* hit hard sometimes.#My love language is coming into your home to do your dishes and do some housework. Don't apologize for the mess king.#Nothing could top some of the places I've had to help my older siblings out of.#I'd be okay with my flatmate having a severed limb and a blood pool at this point.#As long as he lets me take out the dishes from under the bed - We're good! My standards are so low at this point.
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rewatching severance s1 and I cannot express enough how good it is but my brain is twisting in knots trying to figure out how s2 is apparently one of the most expensive seasons of television ever produced. they're in an office. a very empty office. what is happening in the next season to suck up all that budget
#i feel like I should be given mandatory time off work to rewatch severance bc going to my office when it's fresh in my mind is depressing#i cannot stress the aesthetic similarities enough#their handbook corporate history shit reminds me of my work orientation genuinely#older companies be like that. like stop constructing your own mythos for a second#do i need to know the founder's philosophy to do my job or#reilly.txt#severance#*
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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crusty evolution redraw. in theory.
#xmen#xmen evolution#erik lehnsherr#magneto#quicksilver#pietro maximoff#snap sketches#i stopped liking this past the lineart stage but i told myself id try to finish whatever i start to at least try and learn somethin#did i learn anything ? thats for me to reflect on. for now tho ramble time 😌#its painful to draw erik with short hair but sometimes you gotta get outta the usual !! <- never doing this again#ive been ahead of my schedule with stuff i have to draw so ive simply decided todaay will be My Day for personal doodles#idk why ive decided my first evo fanart should be the one where erik and pietro leave behind wanda but ok !!!!! freak#i have a long hair ver but i didnt color it. i was just greedy .. not greedy enough tho evidently#anyways i have like. idk what four episodes of evolution left ?? depressing this show's great ...#i didnt nkow theyd have a david ep ... a pleasant surprise but now im emo ...#OH WELL lets see what else i doodle tonight#this week's going to be annoying but i think i say that every week LMAO and look at that i get through them anyway#we'll be fine and chill team .. ok bye bye
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you know what i mean
#sara shush#doodles#maybe its executive dysfuntion maybe im unmedicated maybe its my chronic illness but i am having a hard time doing Anything#and im blaming hte weather#where are my clouds#pls may i have thunder#summer is genuinly doing the worse for depression
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Underrated part of shippuden imo is that Kakashi is perfectly fine reminiscing on the past and talking about Sasuke casually but to Naruto and Sakura any mention of him is like a trigger word for instant depression
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/20e3a496836d1d676e05d552f39962b8/2e5618a54265bb45-36/s540x810/3d32d5d4b46946fbecdee2d4468e019c3ca3a411.jpg)
Like you know it's bad when even Kakashi is going "this really fucked you guys up damn". But on a more serious level it makes sense that Kakashi would "move on" in a sense quicker than them, since he's probably had to deal with runaways and traitors before. That isn't to say he isn't still affected [we know he is] I'm just saying he's more experienced with it so he also knows how to move past it enough to be able to talk about it without much issue
Sakura and Naruto though... this is still like. A very fresh new experience for them lmao. Rip
#naruto#team 7#meta post#you could probably expand more on that thought with just this one scene but I'm too lazy and tired#I just find it fun to see this stark difference in them#do you think kakashi spent the timeskip trying to subtly bring up sasuke to sakura now and then#and kept getting shot down in hilarious ways. like she sees his sharingan one time and just starts bawling#and he's like 'FUCK WHAT DO I DO UHHHHH'#I wanna know what it was like for jiraiya. did he ever get sick of naruto's nonsense#or did it just feedback loop into him being depressed abt orochimaru
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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workin man (orc)
#ollie#he carries the same lethargic boredom as that one black jaguar drinking video that i ofc cannot find bc the internet is shit and useless lo#anyway wanna touch on ollies ''''''''''''real job'''''''''''' as a metal worker more To Cope#he has a special board he uses just to get to work with thicker sandpaper layer probably#me 🤝 ollie working and being sweaty all the time then being too tired to do what we actually enjoy and going into a depression spiral#oc#original character#my art#monster oc#monster#monster boy#half orc#tiefling#demon#demon oc#half demon#muscle#muscular#orc
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Idk new post bc the last lost traction, no donations in a week. We need 450 for the rest of February, 450 for a deposit, and 950 for March, 50 for the rest of the utilities. We were homeless since Aug 2020 excepting 4 different months whose places fell through for various reasons, have to get rid of the van we were living in because it's falling apart, Collie got FFS December 28th, she's recovering well and maybe could do something with a car if we had a better car, given her ability to drive. I still haven't found much work but I'm still looking. Anything helps.
paypal.me/NoraEstherRose
venmo: nora-esther-rose
venmo: Leah-Esther-Rose
#i wish i could get a loan ? i hate how little my parents have ever helped me. we rely too much on collies mom who can only do so much#we both have various disabilities we still are in the process of understanding.... i hope i get adhd meds soon. :(#we havent been able to afford better anti depressants for over a week now. i hate feeling dependent#i wish it were a prescription.... stupid world. stupid time
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2863f9a7046d7d1e2e9a009341547f29/422dd2e07456b222-79/s540x810/bb244cf13ec79fd0c87a0724b93ec09ede25f75e.jpg)
The greater grief
#my art#art#digital art#illustration#aot#snk#eruri#attack on titan#shingeki no kyoujin#levi#erwin smith#erwin x levi#the amount of time i spent on this deeply regretting my life choices#you’ll never catch me doing backgrounds again#not that this is THAT complex but i suffer severe ptsd from my set design exam the nightstand was a nightmare#anyway the title is from tsoa because why not#and perhaps it is the greater grief after all to be left on earth when another is gone#the post midnight sun depression still hits hard
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Your beats make me sick
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#a-yuan#wen qing#wen ning#This scene raised several implications that range from retroactively hilarious -#-to confrontationally horrifying.#First with the hilarious bit; Hey! We've seen this scene before!#In fact - this particular duet is so similar to the duet LWJ and WWX perform to calm the mystery arm in Cloud Recess-#-That I am honestly flabbergasted WWX *didn't* realize LWJ would catch on his real identity.#Sure there are a lot of ways you could justify it. But also...even if he didn't play Wangxian.mp3...he would have been found out eventually#"I have to get away from LWJ by annoying him via flirting!' uhhh like you pretty much did throughout most of your late teens?#I think there is something a bit charming about WWX if he's truly that bad of an actor. Go on king. Live your authentic truth.#For the horrifying implications...I didn't depict it here but it's not *just* Wen Ning who breaks out and goes into a frenzy.#It is also the other corpses that are around the burial grounds.#You know; the ones that even he admits he has no idea how many there are!#It puts a lot more weight on 'how much longer do you really think you can do this?'#The village in the burial grounds was *always* under a time limit. It was a matter of when and how it would be destroyed.#And I do believe that firmly. As depressing and pessimistic as it is; The Wen Remnants were never meant to survive.
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i wanna hear him give absolutely horrible speeches (everyone would go apeshit nonetheless)
#miiukkart#sorry for not posting as often as i wish did. been fighting depression (no worries. im a seasoned fighter)#(ik i dont have to feel bad for not posting but i just miss drawing silly turtle stuff and seeing ppl enjoy said silly stuff!!)#hope yOURE doing okay tho!!! if not no worries. slay one day at a time#*patting you on the head while offering you your comfort food(s)*
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f60b4988e42c0d8f3889dc00ace656e9/2e5e658a7dbcb8e5-77/s540x810/8562544ebe32ad0bcdd7de4dcc50d205a8fcf301.jpg)
#how many times do i have to say this#it will be fine#it will be okay#maybe tomorrow#i need heeeeelp#heartbreak#depressing shit#tw depressing stuff#sadcore#depressing quotes#and heartbreak image#depressing life#sad thoughts#im crying#sad quotes#unknown#i need her#i need him#i want to be okay#i dont want to feel anymore#sadgirl#i'm sad#sad boi hours#sad boy#sad hours#sadmonday#i dont feel good#heavy feelings#life is unfair#please help
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