#doing the annotations were so fun tbh

[cinnamonsly]

Hi Sly! :) 👋🏾

I finally got around to reading your CCCC lyric annotations and I just wanted to say that I LOVED IT!!

Everything was explained perfectly and I didn't have any trouble understanding stuff!

Gold star for you! 🌟

PS: Your art is MAGNIFICENT!!!! 💙💚💖💚💙💖💫🌟

!!!!! heck yeah!!! im so so glad you enjoyed them :-) i definitely put a lot of time and effort into those so it makes me happy to still see people enjoying them :D i appreciate the kind words!!!! thank you so much <3333

[aezuria]

hiii i love ur writing sm!! i was wondering if u would do leo valdez x reader headcanons? ty!!!

*ੈ✎ keep your head still, i'll be your thrill

—all the small things, blink-182

content: leo valdez x reader

warnings: cursing again

librarian's annotations: the title has no connection to the hcs but it came up while i was writing this also IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER 🙏🙏🙏

super clingy i do not make the rules

oh you thought you were gonna get up and be productive?? not today!

fuck everyone else tbh

LOVEEES gossip sessions with u

hes so invested in all the drama u have

probably laying on his stomach and swinging his feet and gasping incredulously. "what!? no she did not..."

got very pouty that you did not invite him to the girls night bc he didnt want to "miss out on the tea" (lwk stealing from my own work oops)

who can blame him tbh

LOVE LOVES DANCING

loves teaching u too (even if u suck)

like imagine him holding your waist and moving you to the beat as you fumble along, his chest pressed up against your own

GOOD LORD

"forward, back, left- there you go," he murmured into your ear, looking down at your feet. you stepped on his shoes a lot more than you should've; did he ever think that his proximity was why you were messing up!?

"you suck at this, don't you?" he laughed, but twirled you around anyway.

"did you ever think you're just a shit teacher?"

"rude!"

also this man was born a star

can probably hit super high notes as if its nothing

ok so we all know how hes a genius right

oh my GOD imagine him explaining how his stuff works and using words you're sure don't even exist and he's so into it and he just sounds so SMART

intelligence is so attractive why does no one talk abt that

you wanted to watch him work on the engine, so you pulled up a stool next to him. you stared at his side, his tank top dirty with grease and sticky with sweat. how long had he been working since you got here?

you'd get mad at him for not taking a break later. right now? you were admiring the view. who wouldn't?

"hey leo?"

he hummed in response, still hyper-focused on the engine.

"how does all that work, exactly?" you were never one for machines—good thing you have a mechanic boyfriend!

he looks to you, a happy glimmer in his eyes. "you really wanna know? so basically— this part connects to that part and then..."

you don't know how long you've been zoned out, too busy staring at his perfect

"y/n?" he finally realizes you haven't been paying attention. "you with me, now?" he raises an eyebrow with a grin on his face.

"huh? what?" you straightened up, fumbling over your words. "yeah! why wouldn't i be?" you tried to act as if you weren't just ogling him seconds before.

"oh y'know.. cause you were checking me out." he winked, leaning back against the engine as he put himself on display. "i mean, you obviously couldn't help it. i mean, look at me!"

someone humble him

its not like he doesn't do the same tho

if he accidentally walks in on you he'd be like "oh my gods-! sorry!" and cover his eyes with his hands, but his fingers are parted so he could still look through. literally the 🫣 emoji

"GET OUT!"

"OKAY I'M GOING DON'T HIT ME- OW!"

he is SUPER ticklish and you WILL use this to your advantage

esp his ears

one time you touched them out of curiosity cause theyre pointer than average and he was like "eek!"

pause

"aww i didn't know you could make that sound!" you poked some more fun at him because that was adorable

"shut up!"

another time he's laying on you, ruining your plans of getting up early and being active. you tried rolling out from underneath him but his arms snake around you like a vice, squeezing a groan out of you.

"leo get off!" you tried shoving him off, but that didn't work either. he simply buried his face into your neck, mumbling a tired no.

you really had shit to do, so you resorted to the last possible tactic. "i didn't wanna have to do this..." you warned. (you so wanted to do this)

you slipped your hands under his shirt and started tickling his stomach, effectively getting him writhing off you with laughter.

"stop-! that tickles!" he tried doing the same back, but he was squirming far too much.

ok real talk now

love loves staying up late with you until its past midnight and you guys are just rambling about random topics. he's just so relaxed with you, his heart feels so full and there's no space anymore, so his bottled up emotions spill out

which is usually a closely-guarded secret because he's just the funny guy of the group, right?

what does he know about feelings? isn't it his job to just keep everyone else happy? joking about everything will take away the pain, won't it?

(it doesn't)

"i don't know, i just- feel like i don't really fit in with everyone. they all have these cool powers, and i'm just.. me." he laughed dryly, face devoid of his usual happiness as he stared at the ceiling. "sometimes, i feel like you could do so much better. but at the same time?" his voice lowered as he rolled onto his side, staring into your eyes. "i want to keep you to myself. i really, really don't want to lose you."

you were glad he finally opened up to you, but your heart ached at the way he thought of himself. how could he not see how highly everyone thought of him, especially you?

"just you? leo, you're the coolest person i know. you're so, so smart, you can fix just about anything, you're funny, you're kind, you can cook; what's not to love?" you smiled softly. you could go on and on about this man. for him to think that he was the lucky one? it was quite the opposite.

"and you don't have to worry," you whispered, cuddling closer to him and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. "i'll always be with you."

[mrpenguinpants]

Telling genshin boys about Orpheus and Eurydice and asking them if they’d look back

My Faint Magnolia

— He wonders how many times he's heard you tell this story, and how many more he'll force you to recite.

— Dottore / Zandik

White magnolia flowers symbolize purity and perfection. [Masterlist]

I read one Wiki page so don't yell at me if I got anything wrong. Tbh, I don't really like how this fic turned out but it's been sitting in my drafts for years.

"The musician and prophet Orpheus fell in love with the beautiful Eurydice, only for her to die shortly after. Thus, he journeyed into the Underworld to plead with Hades to bring his beloved back. His wish was granted - but on the condition that he must not look back at Eurydice until they were both back in the land of the living. But Orpheus couldn't resist one glance, and Eurydice was lost to him forever."

"Fascinating. The seventh retelling adds to the suspense."

"Boo, you're no fun. Minus ten points," he hears you whine. The sounds of a book being tossed carelessly aside as ink-stained papers filled with formulas slide forward and brush against the sleeves of his arm. All are pushed away to allow you to sprawl your upper body over the desk so you can mope and continue to avoid doing any actual work. He can feel your gaze on him, patiently waiting for him to look up from his notes and give you attention, yet he continues to write making you huff in annoyance.

You're both supposed to be working on your assignments, so he has excellent reason to keep ignoring you to focus on his work. If anything, he should be annoyed at you, and he is, but it's a testament to how much he's come to tolerate you that he doesn't immediately get up and leave. Or deal with you in another, less unsavory way. Instead, he flips back through the pages of his notebook. A list of collected components of spare parts of a vast machine and smaller notes of their possible working principles and manufacturing processes. Diagrams and sketches of their possible construction and engines filled with footnotes and annotations. Not all of them are in his writing. He wouldn't dare use that atrocious shade of yellow that you seem to love so much.

"Can't we do anything else? I'm bored out of my minddd," you stretch the words out, effectively cutting his concentration in half with nothing but the sound of your voice. He can feel his eye twitch and his pencil's wood creaking from the pressure he's slowly exerting onto it. Your voice is muffled, which means you haven't picked yourself off the table yet, probably hunched over with your cheek against the table that will take another hour for you to pry yourself back up again. He can't wait for his future headache with your complaints about back problems, even though you're killing your own spine and his head. The sound of a pencil rolling back and forth fills the silence, and that's the last of his patience. He slams his notebook down, the pencil bouncing and dropping onto the floor, and the clattering of wood causes his frown to etch deeper. He re-opens his notebook to the page of the Khaenri'ahn machines found in Devantaka Mountain. There's an annoying doodle of a Ruin Hunter in the corner mocking him right back.

"Work."

His clipped voice has you quiet down. It's a good thing you have some sense of preservation and know that even though he indulges you frequently, there are only so many distractions he will let slip through. But the resounding sound of a chair scraping against the floor, papers being shuffled, and your footsteps tell him you're equally frustrated. He thinks he hears you mutter "rigid oaf" under your breath as your footsteps grow fainter. The silence should put him at ease, but it only serves to irate him further since you're the one who's causing him trouble when he just wants to work in peace and quiet. The worst thing about this situation is that he knows you'll refuse to talk to him unless he apologizes first for something he hasn't done wrong. But alas.

He lets out a deep sigh that sounds twice his age. Puspa Café should still be open at this time. If he leaves now, he can still catch up to you. With a sweep of the arm, he quickly gathers his papers haphazardly but still slides them into their rightful places between the meticulous sections of his notebook.

"Would you look back?"

He pauses when your voice sounds behind him unexpectedly. You sound a mixture of cheeky and skeptical, but the drumming of your fingertips against the back of his chair tells him that you are genuinely curious about his response. Maybe even a bit nervous to ask him such a ridiculous question too.

"The fatal flaw of Orpheus is he never stopped to consider the psychological cost of Hade's offer. To think "Do not look back" is an impossible sentence to think without simultaneously speaking the opposite. Every time you repeat, "I must not look back," you are forced to say: "Look back." But that is the weakness of the human mind," is the answer he supplies. He thumbs at the edges of his notebook, worn from all the years he's opened it but still in pristine condition. He doesn't like his things to be dirty. It makes his skin crawl.

"What? Are you above the human mind now? So you wouldn't be tempted at all?" you say with a hint of dumbfoundedness. He's sure you think that he won't give you an actual answer.

"No."

His answer is short but firm. He won't look back. He won't be Orpheus and lose his Eurydice so easily to temptation. His finger moves and tips the cover open, papers flipping until they stop in the middle of the book. Frantic scribbles of ink of his research on the rare disease of Elezar. He thumbs the page's corner until it creases.

"Hey, look at me."

The next page is on segments.

"Why won't you look at me."

The final page is on dreams.

""Please look at me Zandik."

He closes the notebook.

"I thought Orpheus couldn't hear Eurdicye."

He hears you laugh at his unempathetic reply. It's a hallow imitation. Then silence. It always ends like this. His mind dangling what he needs most only to take it away, making him question if you are even still there behind him. Just one look. Just one look to confirm what's behind him but he won't. He won't be a fool like Orpheus. Not until he's finished. So he does what he always has, removes any option he hates, and creates his own means.

+

He blinks awake slowly. The white ceiling of his laboratory stares at him back and the first thing his mind registers is that it's cold. His hand automatically moves to his side only to meet air. That's right, you're not here anymore. You haven't been here for years. The manifestation of the withering caused dark hardened scales to grow across your limbs. Slowly numbing the affected areas until you couldn't walk anymore, which progressed into fatigue and progressive nerve damage. Your last days were spent asleep in a coma surrounded by as many Nilotpala Lotuses as he could find. He closes his eyes again, but the sound of the heavy steel door grates against his nerves before he has the time to truly relax.

"You know you'll never succeed. You know why. Even if this one doesn't die, it won't be the same."

The voice isn't right. Another failure.

Dottore lifts his head to see your segment standing in front of him. That's correct. He can already see the beginnings of scales on the segment's arms. It's funny. He is capable of creating physical carbon copy segments of himself from different stages of his life and yet you, the outlier, it's never the same. A body is made, and a piece of his memories of you acts as the brain, but it's never the same. He knows why. It's because his memories of you are dying. His dreams are getting shorter, and fuzzier around the edges. He used to dream of seeing you, holding you, and he knows the next time he dreams of you, he may not hear your voice anymore. His own segment thoughts echo in his mind. Don't you think this is a waste of materials and time? It's time to give up. They don't understand, they can't dream.

He won't look back because he knows that as soon as he does, he will never dream of you again. Even if the next dream takes away your voice, the next takes away your presence, until he's left with a void of nothing. Even then, he won't look back. He has only dreamed of you every single night, regardless of anything. These are the only things he has left of you. Everything else was taken, stolen, or burnt. He isn't sure if the person he's constantly dreaming of now is actually you or a figment of his imagination that's begging to be free. But he won't let you go.

My doleful aria, tell me that story again tonight.

[giantchasm]

“What is it that the child has to teach? The child naively believes that everything should be fair and everyone should be honest, that only good should prevail, that everyone should have what they want and there should be no pain or sadness The child believes the world should be perfect and is outraged to discover it is not. And the child is right.”

WOO! After a little over a month and 60+ hours of drawing, it's finally finished. The Peony animatic I promised you has, at long last, arrived.

It took a lot of work, but I'm super happy with how it came out! And, tbh, I'm already planning more animatics I want to do in the future.

I think the majority of you are already acquainted with Peony, but just in case you aren't, here's a quick rundown of her story, or at least what's covered in the video:

Peony has always known her family experienced quite a bit of strife before her birth, but she doesn’t quite understand the full extent of it until getting caught up in a horrible accident. After nearly losing her life, the young magician develops an affinity for Soul magic— more specifically a connection with the spirit plane, and thanks to that, she’s able to meet two very special people. Her deceased granddad and her father’s long-gone ex-best friend are far from perfect people, but Peony quickly warms up to them anyways. She can see they were dealt an unfair hand in life, and that the tragedies they were involved with weren’t necessarily their fault. As she sees it, they deserve a second chance. So that’s exactly what she’s going to give them! Peony resolves to find a way to bring her dead loved ones back to life… developing her powers more and more along the way and providing her family some much needed closure. But is something like resurrection really possible? It seems Peony may be flying too close to the sun. A certain fluttering fiend is keeping an eye on her, telling her it won’t allow her to disrupt the natural order of things, and that one can’t undo what has already been done. But Peony? She doesn’t know how to listen. The young girl will stop at nothing until she saves her two guardian angels and sets her family right.

...She's a stubborn little goober, that's for sure.

I love her, though, I really do, and I hope you love her too. This video was a real passion project, and I'm super happy with how it came out. I'm glad I could get it finished just before the round 3 polls of the OC Tourney start.

Remember, everyone! Peony for president. Girl's already ready to throw hands with a god.

@kirbyoctournament

Some of my favorite frames will be under the cut with annotations/interesting details pointed out.

I really enjoyed the crayon drawing aspect of this video. The doodles were super fun to do and added a lot of character to it!

One may have noticed that the way Peony drew her mother's side of the family changed, though, as she told their story... and that's not just to represent them getting older! The way she drew their eyes and other stuff changed because during the later half she depicts them with their cybernetics, whereas during the beginning of their tale, she doesn't. Pretty cool stuff.

Technically, in Peony's story, she can't really touch/physically interact with the ghosts... at least not at the point in the timeline this part of the animatic takes place during. All the same, though, I decided to fudge it just a little for more interesting character interactions.

This frame depicts Peony's near death experience, LOL. Don't worry about it... she's fine in the end. In general, this segment of the animatic displays her story a little more chronologically, showing how she developed her powers, learned who the ghosts were, and got better and better at using aforementioned powers.

Shortly after Peony's near-death-experience, Morpho Knight tried to reap Sectonia and Haltmann for interfering with the living world and helping save her life. However, Peony, even not knowing who they were at the time, stood up for them- offering up her life, instead, and Morpho Knight, impressed by the display of bravery, allowed it to slide for now.

...Stars, it's going soft, isn't it? Stupid Kirby

Peony doing some detective work! I really like the framing of this drawing. Here you can see Taranza and Joronia when they were younger alongside Haltmann and Susie pre-cybernetics, like I mentioned earlier.

This bit is meant to be Peony finally confronting the ghosts (or- well, more specifically her granddad) about knowing who they are. She points out that she and him HAVE to be related. Look! They share the same hair fwoof!

There's a very distinct scene I have in my mind for the first time Peony is ever able to physically interact with the ghosts. She's making flower crowns and jokingly tries to put one on Sectonia's head, only for it to work. Needless to say, they're both shocked, then delighted.

These reunions make me feel things. Admittedly stuff is still a little complicated between Susie and her father, but ultimately she is glad to see him... and as for the spiders? I think they missed each other more than they could possibly put into words. They're so, so happy.

This is one of my favorite sets of frames. It took FOREVER to do all of the little doodles, but it turned out looking awesome, as did the ripping effect! See if you can spot all of the different family traumas she's depicted.

I like to think eventually Peony acquires some precious heirlooms. Sectonia hands down the matching scarf she had with Taranza but discarded when she went mad. Haltmann, meanwhile, no longer has his pocket watch, but when Peony tries to surprise him with a new one as a gift, only to realize he can't really hold onto it, he tells her to take care of it for him 'until he can.' This is something she does with pride.

Originally, I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do with these sets of frames. I mean... I knew I wanted to have Peony walking past her family thriving, but I didn't know how I wanted to orient the group. I figured they'd be best in sets of two, but wasn't sure how to sort them out.

If I were to draw her parents with their dead loved ones, I feared I'd sort of be insinuating their bond with each other wasn't as important now that they had those dead loved ones back, and that isn't true at all. But if I were to draw the living characters and dead characters together... well, that wouldn't really represent how Peony changed the family, now would it?

Ultimately, I decided to draw Susie hanging out with Sectonia and Taranza talking with Haltmann. I thought it'd be a nice way to represent the group as a whole have become a ragtag sort of family. Everyone loves everyone here.

This is one of my favorite frames. I simply think it's so cute. Peony is so, so beloved, and she loves her weird little family so much, too.

I adore these final three frames. Throughout the animatic, the crayon drawings are used to represent her family's tumultuous past, but finally, Peony depicts a more positive moment, quite literally slapping it over a sad one. It's a symbol of her determination to rewrite their— rewrite her— story, no matter what it takes.

Little does she know, even if she ultimately can't bring Sectonia and Haltmann back from the dead, she's already given both them and her parents a happier ending. They're all together, at least, and that's what matters most.

[socstudies]

Hi, as someone who is going to be in their first year of college this fall, I'm curious about the note taking part

Is physical or digital note taking easier?

Is spending money on a laptop nessesary?

What is something you wish you would've done differently during your first year?

Do you have any advice?

If by any chance you see this, your blog and your aesthetic are amazing!

I'm wishing you a wonderful day/night.

If you do decide to reply, thank you in advance <3

helloo! sorry for the late reply & thank u for the ask! :)

ive tried both and i think i prefer handwritten notes, however they both have their pros and cons:

handwritten pros

proven to be better for retaining information

can't get distracted by other tabs

lighter to carry

costs less than a laptop

i've had some classes where we weren't allowed to use laptops so it's good to already be used to taking notes this way

cons:

much slower. sometimes i find im missing stuff and i have to go back to it at the end

have to print out diagrams etc if u want to include them

could possibly lose them, spill something etc

not enough space on desk for both laptop and notebook so u can't get slides up or google something

digital pros:

much quicker

easier to organise & pull up different notes at any time - u don't need to carry around or find older notebooks to be able to study or refer back to past classes

some people make notes directly onto the slides which u would have to print out if u wanted to do by hand

can also use for research and writing essays which u will need a computer for at some point so might as well do everything in one place

cons:

expensive

more stressful if u lose or break it

if u forget to charge it and u don't have paper .......

this upcoming year, im using a combination. most of the time i'll handwrite my notes, but for classes where they talk too quickly i'll type them (it's not worth the stress & extra time having to go back to recordings after). my notes for readings will be annotated straight onto the pdf. i'll be taking pictures of notes to put them all together.

---

unfortunately, i think it is because you'll need computer access to research and write ur essays, as well as to find course information etc. HOWEVER some universities (most?) have laptops that u can borrow and computers in the library, so if u know that you'll be motivated enough to get up and do all of ur work on campus, you could save this cost - bare in mind when u move off campus after first year it might be even harder. definitely look into this if cost is an issue for you! it doesn't need to be a fancy one if u do buy a laptop though, just remember u'll be carrying it around so don't get a super heavy one!

---

as for something i wish i'd done differently: as a sociology student, none of my classes have exams where i have to memorise things, instead it's all essay based. this led me to not 'study' i guess ??? like the stuff that i wrote my essays on, i knew like the back of my hand, but everything else i couldn't remember well. so if ur taking an essay based subject, remember that u still need to study a little & remember these things !! i was so overwhelmed tbh that i forgot about this oopsie!

---

extra advice:

when people say that after u skip one class, u'll skip the rest THEY. MEAN. IT. literally try so hard not to miss class bc you will never go again if u do. my classes would start off with not enough seats for everybody and end up with just a handful of us by the end of term.....

make time for urself !! it can become all consuming, especially if u live on campus, but pls make some dedicated time away from studying !!

u will find ur friends eventually. pls remember that it won't last or be that fun if u stick with friends who u don't have that much in common with just bc they were the first u met. tell me why i was going to bars and clubs with people in first term bc that;s what they wanted to do ????? it's ok to move onto different people bc u will eventually get tired of doing these things u don't like just to be able to hang out with people !! now i go to bookstores and cafes with my new friends and i love it!! don't settle !!

[youremyheaven]

"(Mercurials are unfairly critical of others, have you noticed?) and she frequently took digs at me and was one of those people who make jokes at the expense of others."

on at least 5 separate occasions throughout the years i, with the help of another friend, have had to sit down and explain to my mercurial friend that she has to think before she speaks and how you can't just constantly insult people 💀 she's genuinely one of the most critical people i know, some examples include her walking around every inch of my island in animal crossing and tearing apart everything she saw for like an HOUR. yes it was in a video game, and yes im still salty!! she also would ask to read my creative writing or essays and then annotate it with her criticisms WITHOUT ME ASKING HER TO 😭😭 i remember the first time she graded my short story i wrote for fun an F and i was just staring in utter disbelief

she also would constantly make fun of peoples looks in a joking way (myself included) and when i told her to stop she'd play innocent like it was just a harmless joke, begrudgingly apologize, and do it again like a week later. i've observed this sort of underhanded behaviour in two mercury women so i think they might have a habit of it? i get complimented a lot and yes i'm tooting my own horn here but i am very good looking however she had an OBSESSION with getting unflattering photos of me and then sending them to our friends "as a joke" and then would play the victim when i got mad. like sorry i don't want our whole social circle thinking i look like albino shrek omg

OMG BESTIEEE I FEEL SO SEEN IM GOING TO CRY,, WE SHOULD START A SUPPORT GROUP FR

the biggest reason why i cant stand Mercurial women is how theyre sooo deeply insecure that they'll tear apart others just to feel better about themselves

yearsss ago I got a really cute bag for really cheap and i was talking about it with my Mercurial friend and she said "it looks ugly thats why it was cheap" and she was carrying around a tattered, worn out, faded ass bag lmaooo

another mercurial girl who was average looking criticized practically everybody we knew for being ugly. she wore the shittiest clothes and criticized other people's sense of style

an Ashlesha Moon girl i knew never said one nice thing about me but often praised our other friends for no reason and made them sound like the second coming of Cleopatra,, i called her out on it and she told me "i thought you heard enough from others, i didnt know you were desperate for validation from me as well" 💀💀

THE BACKHANDED COMMENTS u mentioned??? bestieee we're all victims here 😭😭

so between 8th and 10th grade, i was in an extremely abusive homoerotic friendship with an Ashlesha Moon,,, she was always putting me down for no reason. i kinda sing,, i am not a brilliant singer but i have won prizes in school for singing so i know i dont suck as a singer. one time she asked me to sing for her on call and then she was silent and said "its not exactly brilliant but its not horrible i guess" 10 yrs later, i wish i couldve reached out through the phone to smack her face,,, i was in my poet era back then and tbh my poetry was pretty good if i say so myself and this girl??? always accused me of plagiarism,, i took it in my stride bc i was like "ok if u think im THAT good then what do i do" lol.

i could go on but ill stop here ,,, i hope i never meet another mercurial again amen

[sunflower-emoji]

let it be with you [a sunbird playlist]

A while ago I said I wanted self-ship playlists to become a thing, so now I'm being proactive with my Hawks self-ship playlist. The Sunbird soundtrack features retro vibes, dancing-in-the-kitchen silliness, and a teeny bit of angst for flavor. I've also opted for lyrics instead annotations, because I haven't lyrics!posted since I was 14 and tbh I miss it. Enjoy 😘

1. Dreams (cover) - Japanese Breakfast

Then I open up and see/the person falling here is me/a different way to be

2. Light a Roman Candle With Me - fun.

Oh I know, it goes on, it gets old/but for now/we're young, we smell good, we're alone/so alive

3. Birdhouse in your Soul - They Might be Giants

Not to put too fine a point on it/say I'm the only bee in your bonnet/make a little birdhouse in your soul

4. Moment in the Sun - Sunflower Bean

I don't need money/I don't need to be cool/I'd trade it for a moment in the sun with you

5. I Think We're Alone Now - Tiffany

And so we're running just as fast as we can/holding on to one another's hand/trying to get away into the night

6. Make Me Feel - Janelle Monae

It's like I'm powerful with a little bit of tender/an emotional sexual bender/mess me up, yeah, but no one does it better

7. I Know a Place - MUNA

Don't you be afraid of love and affection/just lay down your weapon

8. This Side of Paradise - Coyote Theory

You're the ground my feet won't reach/so if you're lonely/darling you're glowing/if you're lonely, come be lonely with me

9. Sax Rohmer # 1 - The Mountain Goats

And I am coming home to you/with my own blood in my mouth/and I am coming home to you/if it's the last thing that I do

10. Don't Carry it All - The Decemberists

Let the yoke fall from our shoulders/don't carry it all, don't carry it all

11. Worry with You - Sleater-Kinney

I had thought there was no place for what I feel/and then I learned/you are the place for what I feel

12. That Man - Caro Emerald

Twisting 'round on a carousel/this speed's too much to stop/one second I'm thinkin' I'm feeling the lust/and then I feel a lot

13. Put Your Head on My Shoulder - Paul Anka

Hold me in your arms, baby/squeeze me oh so tight/show me that you love me too

14. Hey Lover! - Wabie

Love's no problem in my hands/just know I really, really love you/and in your heart I'd be a big man

15. M'lover - Kishi Bashi

Our dangerous liaisons/and clandestine creation myths were fine with me

16. With You - Valerie June

It's a do-si-do/it's a toe-to-toe/plant a money tree/grow a love so free

17. Like Real People Do - Hozier

So I will not ask you where you came from/I would not ask and neither would you/honey just put your sweet lips on my lips

[missyourflight]

some stuff i read and watched in september:

my brilliant friend (s1-3): had a bit of ferrante fever and rinsed through this, i think it's v well done as an adaptation -- it's been so long since i read the first couple of books that the casting of the lads made them feel much more vivid than i remembered, also i Need to go to florence

foundation (s2): honestly entertainment peaked with deranged space emperor clone lee pace spitting blood in ben daniels' face and snarling i fucking love it, hope to see it back in 2-3 years probably!

the gold: finally got around to this bc they were talking about it on the watch lol, very cool the way it sort of sprawls out from the original heist and just keeps going, classic dcoop sketchiness, still mulling over casting jack lowden as lymond bc what other blonde scottish actors even are there

starstruck (s3): ROSE MATAFEO FOREVER etc. this season pretty much an anti-romcom which i'm on board with, the friendship stuff fucked me up, not to get into but phew re: being single in your thirties while all your friends are having kids etc

passages: really liked this but somehow didn't love it quite as much as i expected to, franz ben adele perfect, whishaw really come full circle since basically playing the franz role in cock at the royal court lol, beautiful knitwear outfits homewares

the best years of our lives: like 3 hours long but doesn't feel it, quietly devastatingly empathetic story of returning ww2 veterans, i need to watch the five come back series on netflix bc william wyler is so so good

a haunting in venice: i would also like to go to venice, kenbran's having fun at least my dutch angle king, i hope they keep letting him make these forever although i also rewatched tenet and nothing here tops the part where he jogs slowly backwards through time

the broken hearts gallery: the best of a bunch of recent-ish romances i watched, geraldine viswanathan is a Star

michael clayton: somehow hadn't seen this before but very satisfying like corporate thriller, tom wilkinson and tilda are great, i want to rewatch andor now

elena ferrante, the story of the lost child: finally finished the neapolitan novels, fuck me up elena. can't think of a comparable series of like adult novels that go this hard for me, maybe st aubyn? yowl

colin walsh, kala: this ripped actually, loved like the irish specificity of the voices

james frankie thomas, idlewild: literally took critical damage every time i had to read the word HoYay but this was great and painful about like being a horrible little queer teenager and codependent friendships and livejournal and annotated fanfiction etc

marilynne robinson, gilead: ow i loved this, i think it's a real skill to make like goodness compelling, looking forward to being devastated by the rest of the series etc

sylvia townsend warner, lolly willowes: 🧙‍♀️🍂🌝

katie kitamura, intimacies: more things should be set at the courts in the hague tbh! made me think about translation a lot and also black earth rising

cat sebastian, we could be so good: sometimes you just want to read a gay romance about being in love with your best friend innit

operation mincemeat: omg i actually went to the theatre, this was silly and very much The British Hamilton but i loved it and i cried and i ordered drinks to my seat, 5 stars etc

the effect: i didn't see the original billie piper staging but i love lucy prebble and i loved this cast, literally paapa essiedu can do anything, kobna holdbrook smith reminded me that i should carry on with the rivers of london audibooks, one in a long list of signs that i should probably talk to someone about my mental health lol

[dendro-dragon-apep]

"Behold, Mortals, for I have generously graced you with my presence. You will refer to me as Apep. Whether you include cordials matters not to beings such as myself."

"...But, I suppose that humanity likes to have silly titles and cordials, and out of politeness, I shall allow the use of she and they when referring to me."

"I am here to observe and perhaps participate with the mortal realm as per Buer's incessant request. Such boldness had amused me, so I deemed it necessary to comply with that child's wish."

"Do understand, I care not for the Heavenly Principles, nor the Abyss Order below. I simply am humoring the godling out of mutual respect and for a favor to be owed."

{Those Candied Ajilenakh Nut delicacies she has gifted me were... sinfully good. If I persist in good behavior, perhaps I could glean the recipe from Buer when that puppet is not looking...}

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Anon List Post: Here! Genshin RP Blogs Master Post > here

[yourlocalartsonist]

Hi ho! I was just reading your fic and omg its so cool! I was wondering what parts of you were put in salena? Like i know you said they have certain parts of them that were inspired by you.

I love it when a character has little bits and pieces of the author! I feel like it helps them seem more realistic or well rounded because you can talk about stuff you know!

Also what kinda impact/moral do you think youd like for your story to have on ppl?

If any of this has been answered you can ignore it!

Also im so excited to see whats next for Salena! She's super cool!

HIIII I’m glad you’re enjoying the fic ;w;

So the short answer to your first question of what parts of me were put into Salena: all of them—

That’s not even an exaggeration, Salena is the first ever proper self insert I’ve made for a story! In the past, any self insert OCs I made would end up being VASTLY different characters by the time I wrote the story since I valued making them work for the narrative more than I valued making them feel like me. But with Salena, it genuinely worked. The personality, morals, reactions, bla bla bla that I would have genuinely work in the story of rise and make for really interesting dynamics with the main cast. It’s honestly hella cool to basically be writing myself and so I took it a step further and put a lot of my actual life experiences into MFIP in order to explore them more. A lot of the scenarios are things I’ve experienced, just more exaggerated for the sake of the story but ngl it feels like an AU for my own life in the best way possible.

This also kind of relates to the second question. I use MFIP as a way to critique a lot about our society and the norms and traditions and all that bullshit we’re taught. Often times, the media and Hollywood and whatever the fuck play the same narrative over and over again even if that narrative is toxic. I mean, how many romcoms have you seen that basically romanticize cheating but make it all cutesy cuz “oh they were just meant to be so it’s okay X main character cheated on their partner to end up with Y main character!”? But also I can’t just write a long ass book saying “this this and this is wrong with society” cuz that would be hella draining to read. So instead, I tried a more fun delivery.

In MFIP, it’s written to make you feel like you’re inside Salena’s mind, witnessing all their reactions and emotions and seeing the world through her lens for better or worse. And I think that will hopefully allow people to understand someone like Salena way better. Understand why Zane’s behavior isn’t okay for example, critiquing the whole “bad boy who’s obsessed with you” stereotype by showing how Salena feels in that situation. I could honestly go on and on with examples but yk I don’t wanna spoil the whole fun~

In a nutshell, I want people who have never experienced a life like Salena’s to understand and empathize with them. I want them to grow their worldview. And for people who relate to Salena, I want them to know they’re not alone. That they’re heard and they’re accepted and they deserve love just as much as Salena does.

I don’t really know how to end this tbh cuz this ramble can be a whole 15 page essay in Times New Roman 12 size font with a fucking Abstract and annotated bibliography. So I will just leave ya with this:

I went through the majority of my life feeling and alone and isolated because no one took the time to ever understand me on a more personal level that’s removed from their own biases. So I made Salena and this story to try and fix that issue and hopefully prevent it from repeating with someone else.

[gluion]

thanks for the tag @winterchimez and @from-izzy !!

rules: you're going to pick 10 of your biases (or as many biases as you have and then fill in the rest of the spots with idols you like) and number them 1-10. then answer the questions below! try not to look at the questions before you make your list!

bias list:

kim sunwoo (tbz)

jacob bae (tbz)

ji changmin (tbz)

kim namjoon (bts)

kang younghyun (day6)

choi soobin (txt)

kim jiwoo/chuu (loona)

im yeojin (loona)

hong eunchae (lesserafim)

nakamura kazuha (lesserafim)

questions under the cut!

between 7 and 5, who did you bias first?

i stanned day6 since 2017, but i def biased chuu first!! i was sadly a jaehyung stan then, but i started biasing youngk like around 2019??? i think. chuu has always been one of my biases since heart attack was released :3

between 2 and 6, who are you more attached to?

BROTHER IN CHRIST!!! i am very much more attached to jacob :') i love him so much as a lesbian..... like bro he is MY future like i am his teehee. idk like his vlives really are something i listen to before sleeping and they bring so much comfort </3 BUTTT i forever love my soobin :')) i biased him longer and he is my bestfriend forever and my boyfriend...

if you were to spend the day with either 3 or 1, who would you choose and what would you do?

BYE ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY.... I CANNOT CHOOSE BETWEEN MY SUNKYU!??!?!?! OHMYGOD I THINK I'LL JUST PASS OUT... but okay realistically tho.... i would love to spend my day with sunwoo and play a lot of video games and talk about anime with him tbh... like idk its always fun to just visit a pc cafe and play with friends IM SORRY!!! i would also expand his silly horizon with more anime recs

BUT OKAY HEAR ME OUT I WOULDVE LOVED TO SPEND IT WITH JICHANG :'))) BRO THE READING DATE .... THE PICNIC AND READING IN EACH OTHER'S PRESENCE... ANNOTATING EACH OTHER'S BOOKS... UGH I CRAVE IT I DO!!!

what is your favorite physical feature about 9?

EUNCHAE HAS THE PRETTIEST EYES!!! AND HER SMILE <33 THAT IS MY KID I LOVE HER FOREVER!!!

what is your favorite part of 6's personality?

i love how soobin is the introvert who gets progressively chaotic as you get to know him. LIKE IDK BRO THATS SO ME!!! and i think he really does have one of the biggest hearts i know <3 he cares so much for the others like i just know how lucky it would be to be loved him <3

if you were to tell 8 anything you wanted, what would you tell them?

ah my yeojin <3 i love you and im proud of you always. i'm so glad you got to debut, and i hope you spend more years with loona very happy :]] proud of you always my shining girl!

between 1 and 2, whose closet would you raid?

urgh okay fashion wise, i prefer sunwoo's more! i really like his style now tbh! but jacob's closet would def have a lot of hoodies and just pieces that are sooo intimate like hoodies etc </3

what is a style that you want to see 3 try?

OHMYGOD CAN I PLEASSEEE !!! I WANT TO SEE JICHANG IN MORE CAMP FITS !!! I KNOW WE KNOW HIM FOR THE ALL BOYFRIEND NEUTRAL COLORED FITS BUT HOLY SHIT I WOULD KILL!!! FOR A CAMP FIT!! I WANT IT!!! i want the most colorful craziest pieces on him!!

between 5 and 4, who are you closer to in height?

im pretty sure its youngk LAWL namjoon is like 6ft right

between 10 and 9, whose music do you like the best?

well they're both from lesserafim so GFYUSDGFYSGFG i love my girls!

tagging @wuahae @juyeonszn @mosviqu @sungbeam and anyone else who wants to play!

[prongsandhisfoot]

i was reminded today that i once made a playlist of songs related to prongsfoot in some way and i don’t think i’ve ever actually?? listened to it, but i’m going to listen to it for the first time! and try to remember my reasoning...

1. keep away - lou reed

i genuinely don’t remember this song. may 6, 2022...yeah, no recollection. my best guess is i was reading pioneers for the second or third time and made some parallels with the lyrics. reading the lyrics now, i kind of see it? in a more ironic/lying way...i’ll probably delete it, though it’s a very fun song tbh, so i’m glad i re-listened to it! 

2. thick as thieves - the jam

this one is pretty obvious. i could just copy and paste the whole song lol, but that’s a little too much, so i’ll just paste the first few verses! second half is just as prongsfoot-y though. for similarly clear reasons.

Times were so tough, but not as tough as they are now We were so close and nothing came between us, and the world No personal situations Thick as thieves us, we'd stick together for all time And we meant it but it turns out just for a while We stole, the friendship that bound us together

We stole from the schools and their libraries We stole from the drugs that sent us to sleep We stole from the drink that made us sick We stole anything that we couldn't keep And it was enough, we didn't have to spoil anything And always be as thick as thieves

Like a perfect stranger, you came into my life Then like the perfect lone ranger, you rode away, rode away Rode away, rode away

3. pale blue eyes - vu

i genuinely annotated a copy of this song in the book i have of lou reed’s lyrics from the perspective of prongsfoot. something was wrong with me but also, i was right. this one is a bit (lot) more metaphorical than #2, hence my annotations lol, so i’ll just paste the most obvious bit:

It was good what we did yesterday And I’d do it once again The fact that you are married Only proves you’re my best friend But it's truly, truly a sin

as for the eponymous “linger on, your pale blue eyes,” i wrote in the book that it represents sirius losing his memories of james while in azkaban--aka him lingering on james while alone for a decade lol, and his memories of james changing. according to what i wrote, “pale” represents how he’s losing his memories (i.e. they’re losing color; paling) and “blue eyes” represents the same exact thing--or more specifically, how he’s remembering incorrectly, since james’s eyes are hazel (and sirius’s are grey). this is so funny and terrible

edit: i almost forgot the other pretty clear verse??

Thought of you as my mountaintop Thought of you as my peak Thought of you as everything I've had, but couldn't keep I've had, but couldn't keep

4. i’m sticking with you - vu

another fairly very obvious one (this song is literally james and sirius in the levicorpus flashback scene lmao). the clearest parts:

Anything that you might do I'm gonna do too

and then

But with you by my side I can do anything When we swing We hang past right and wrong

I'll do anything for you Anything you want me to

5. red right ankle - the decembrists

this one is literally since a prongsfoot fic i have bookmarked is named after this song and inspired by it lmaoo

here’s the first two verses:

This is the story of your red right ankle And how it came to meet your leg And how the muscle, bone, and sinews tangled And how the skin was softly shed

And how it whispered, "Oh, adhere to me For we are bound by symmetry And whatever differences our lives have been We together make a limb" This is the story of your red right ankle

“oh, adhere to me // for we are bound by symmetry / and whatever differences out lives have been // we together make a limb” tbh that’s all i care to include, the rest is just for context lol.

adhere to me <-> i’m sticking with you lmaooo

6. black and gold - sam sparro

this is the most cringy of them all. i promise it’s not just because of the title that this is here. it’s still cringy either way but still. tbh someone needs to give this to the jegulus fandom they’d eat it up. the “black and gold” at the very least

'Cause if you're not really here Then the stars don't even matter Now I'm filled to the top with fear That it's all just a bunch of matter

Cause if you're not really here I don't want to be either I wanna be next to you Black and gold, black and gold, black and gold

also this part, which this fic comes from. (it’s not exactly a favorite fic of mine but it is a readable prongsfoot fic, which is rare enough for me to call a fic with a “misunderstandings” plot readable)

I look up into the night sky And see a thousand eyes staring back And all around these golden beacons I see nothing but black

7. barracuda - john cale

tbh i could explain every line & verse as prongsfoot-y but some are less obvious and some are more obvious so i’ll just do what i’ve been doing and paste the most obvious lol

Barracuda, barracuda Won't you lay down your life to me? Won't you love me barracuda? If you always need to bring out the worst in me

and then, of course

The ocean will have us all The ocean will have us all

and finally (think of this in reference to poa lol)

Dead forest with the moon arising Smiling at you out of reach

8. supplier! - crisaunt

this is...not exactly my type of song?? to be honest i don’t even know the prongsfoot reference but i do remember adding it...i just don’t have a clue why

9. what’s good (the thesis) - lou reed

this is what made me remember this playlist!

Life's like a mayonnaise soda And life's like space without room And life's like bacon and ice cream That's what life's like without you

Life's like forever becoming But life's forever dealing in hurt Now life's like death without living That's what life's like without you

and then

What's good is life without living What good's this lion that barks You loved a life others throw away nightly It's not fair, not fair at all

pretty simple!

the verdict: i’m taking off keep away, black and gold, and supplier. now it’s a 6-song, 22 minute playlist, lol. i doubt anyone’s read this far but if you have--suggestions?

[writingbymoonlight]

Definitely Akaashi or Kuroo!

I dont know I think both would enjoy your presence a lot

Akaashi would love to read books with you talk about them, annotate and do some small book dates! He is more introverted and observant, so he would always quickly see of you need heads up or time for yourself

Kuroo is also very observant and smart, I feel like he would always drop some fun science fun facts here and there, he would be a little tease and sometimes also quite a menace on purpose, just to see your reactions

But Kuroo is also very loving and would often ask about your current favorite books or if you both want to go to a bookstore or library, that he could drive you were and than just watch you go around with a loving smile

Anon, reading this made me so happy :')

Akaashi reading books with me is all I want out of life 😫 And him being observant and needing time to myself 🥺 Honestly, I think Akaashi is the type of person to read me like a book (see what I did there? hehe). But the thought of cozy book dates with him, especially on rainy days, just has my heart fluttering

Kuroo would be a menace 🙄 But tbh, I would also tease him to get a reaction out of him bc how could I not? This man who drops random science facts deserves to be lovingly teased for being such a nerd 😂 Also, him driving me around and watching me with a loving smile? Where can I find one (1) Kuroo Tetsuro???

who do you ship me with?

[madeline-kahn]

hi robin, it’s your psc anon! i notice you like shakespeare, so i’m curious to know what your favorite work of his is. i feel like nowadays it’s become sort of cool to think shakespeare is too “old timey” or he’s not that great but tbh i feel like the content of his stuff really is timeless, it’s just the language and references that are dated - i’m interested in your thoughts too!

Hi!!! Omg yes I'm super into Shakespeare! I totally agree that he's super timeless! Just look at how many great modern set movies are partly or entirely adaptations. The language itself can be so intimidating and that really scares people off but the annotated versions or SparkNotes can help so much. Not to mention they weren't meant to be read like books anyway, they were meant to be performed so I don't even really think people should feel they need to read the plays unless they're interested in doing so. You're so much better off finding a good adaptation or production and just supplementing yourself with a synopsis.

My favorite work is definitely Hamlet. I love the speeches, I love the themes and the conflict I love so many of the performances I've seen. If I had the nerve to get a big tattoo (or any tattoo for that matter) I'd want something Hamlet themed. If you're in need of a good Hamlet production I highly recommend the Globe Theatre version with Michelle Tierry as Hamlet... really good direction I love the gender swaps in the casting and the performances are awesome. David Tennant's is great too it was actually the first Hamlet I watched!

I also really like A Midsummer Night's Dream, Much Ado About Nothing, As You Like It, The Tempest, Twelfth Night, M*cbeth, Julius Caesar and King Lear. I could go on about my favorite productions for ages but I'll just be brief and say that if you only watch one (and you can find it.. I know I saw it on youtube but that was limited availability I think) watch the National Theatre Live version of A Midsummer Night's Dream it is so much fun.

[put-me-in-a-movie-mp3]

Hey! Could I pretty please get a Stranger Things ship match-up?

Personality: I'm an ENTJ Aquarius woman (she/her). I'd say I fit my zodiac pretty well. I'm intelligent and ambitious, but also creative. I'm a productive person and a natural leader. I like to think I'm still fun to hang out with though. I take pride in my sense of humor. I'm pretty good at making other people laugh, but also good at problem-solving in groups.

Appearance: I'm half Chinese and half white (some mixture of a bunch of like Irish, English, and French). I'm pretty short, standing at only 5'2. I have dark brown hair that's naturally wavy and a little past shoulder length with curtain bangs. I got it highlighted like a year ago and they're still there, but it's a little grown out tbh. I've been told I look like I have gold in my hair and that's my favorite compliment ever. As for my outfits, the closest thing I can think to compare it to is that model-off-duty/clean girl style that's popular on TikTok right now. I joke that my three aesthetics are soccer mom milf, a 90s supermodel, or a young, cool kindergarten teacher.

Hobbies: I'm a dancer. I train year-round in ballet and pointe, but I have training in a bunch of other styles too like jazz, modern, tap, and hip-hop. Ballet has always been my favorite even though it's the reason I'm sore like 100% of the time. I help teach ballet classes for kids ages 3-8 and it's my favorite thing ever I love them so much. In the future, I want to be a teacher either in a traditional school setting or at a dance studio. Aside from dance, I love reading. I annotate my books with those post-it flags. I'd love to write in them, but I'm scared I'll accidentally ruin the book. I also make jewelry! I like making necklaces, rings, bracelets, keychains, etc., and giving them out as gifts to my friends and family. I like driving whether or not I have a destination or I just get in the car and somehow end up at Target. Recently my favorite thing to do on drives has been sampling all the local coffee shops in town (I've tried almost all of them tbh it's getting a little out of hand and I'm running out of coffee money).

Of Course! :)

Stranger Things

Steve Harrington

I ship you with Steve because I could see you as a more feminine version of Nancy in season 1. Very intelligent and not involved in the upside-down or demogorgans. Also, your very caring and nurturing which is something that Steve loves because he is like ( in my opinion kinda got mommy issues but not as bad as Billy LMAO ) (anyways). I could totally see Steve dropping off his cousin or like relative that goes to ballet class and catching each others eyes for the first time. The dance studio has a big window where people walk by to go to other shops that are nearby. Steve happens to want to watch his relative dance and you are in there getting ready for them and you catch eyes. But you can't say anything because he is outside ad you're inside the studio. Also, you thought that you were kind of making it up because no guy has looked at you since your last lover. What you didn't realize is that it was THE Steve Harrington. You knew of him you just didn't know what he looked like. Slowly you're glances started turning into interactions and thats how your relationship formed.

Hope you liked it!!

[winterromanov]

AU idea- college athlete Bucky and he’s really popular and all that but very sweet and he meets this girl who’s sweet and a little quiet in one of his classes and he just keeps trying to be around her, study with her, buy her coffee and she likes him but she’s just like.... why is this cute popular boy paying attention to me lol

pairing: bucky x reader (also SUPER tempted to do a part two of this, let me know if you’re interested)

You recognise the guy staring at you from across the table in your Russian lit tutorial. You recognise him because everyone knows Bucky Barnes, the football star, certified big name on campus and best friend of fellow football star Steve Rogers. He’s the guy that every girl on your corridor gossips about, the one all the professors love, the one who gets hundreds of likes on his Instagram pictures.

(You don’t follow him but you have to admit, you’ve scrolled through his feed a few times. Just to see what the fuss is all about, you know. And you know. Boy, you know.)

You’ve never actually interacted with him before because your circles aren’t the kind that usually interlink, but now you’re sat in a seminar on Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, and Bucky Barnes is definitely staring at you.

When your eyes eventually flicker up from your laptop--just to double check you’re not making it all up, that he’s not looking at the much prettier girl next to you--he grins, pen between his teeth. Your cheeks involuntarily catch fire and you deliberately snap away. Because this is Bucky Barnes you’re talking about, who dated Natasha Romanoff in his freshman year before it all very publically...fell apart. Who could have literally any girl he wanted worshiping at his high-tops. Who would never look at a girl like you because, well. 

You’re you.

-

You’re trying to buy coffee in the campus shop next to the library when he actually speaks to you directly for the first time. Emphasis on the word trying, because you left your damn purse at home and Apple Pay is not being your friend and you can feel yourself getting more and more embarrassed the longer the cashier has to wait. You eventually resort to rummaging round your backpack for loose change in order to pay the poor guy, but an arm with a contactless debit card reaches out and beeps the payment through for you.

“I’ll get a latte to go, please, Mario.” 

“Of course. Anything for you, Mr Barnes.”

It’s Bucky Barnes. Of course it’s Bucky Barnes--only someone like him would take the time to know the server by name. He’s wearing his faded red Columbia jersery and a baseball cap. His grin is kinda crooked and yes, yes you know it’s one of the many reasons all the girls go wild for him.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you say, stepping aside so he can go to the front of the queue. He merely shrugs. “Here--let me pay you back, I know I’ve got a couple of dollars in here somewhere...”

He shakes his head as he taps his card once again, the server handing him his latte in a reusable mug with a wink. “Don’t worry about it. Honestly, your idea about interior monologue in Anna Karenina in Ivan’s class the other day actually inspired my paper, so I do owe you one.”

You blink, kinda dumbstruck at the thought of Bucky Barnes remembering any input you’d given in class. Or anyone remembering any input you’d given in class. “You liked my point?”

“Oh, yeah.” Bucky sips his coffee, grimacing slightly as the liquid burns his lips. “Tolstoy finding humour in death. It’s so dark and beautiful. All your points, actually--you see a lot in literature than I’ve never picked up on in a first reading.”

“I...Uh. Well. Thank you.” You’ve always been quite reserved in class, scared to say anything in case it’s stupid or outlandish and the other students laugh at you. In reality you know it’s you being paranoid, but old habits die hard. 

Bucky looks at his watch before hissing a profanity under his breath. “Gotta run. Cold War study group across campus in three minutes. Catch you later?”

He phrases it like a question rather than a generic add on, a necessity of politeness. His blue eyes look at you expectantly, actively waiting for you to reply.

(They’re so blue, his eyes. Blue like the sky in the summer back home, bright and cloudless and stared at from a meadow.)

“Yeah, of course! See you in class.” You raise your coffee cup sheepishly in his eyeline. “And thanks for the coffee.”

And like that he vanishes, bustling out the door and stepping purposefully in the opposite direction as the sun blazes on his back.

-

You see his backpack before you see him, slammed down on the bench next to you in the lecture hall. He sits down with a long exhale of breath, like he’s ran here--this time he’s dressed in sportswear so you assume he’s been to the gym. Veins ripple and flex up his ridiculously toned arms. Being a football hero probably does that to you.

“Crime and Punishment,” he says, instead of a greeting. “What did you think?”

You smile, spreading your hand across the heavily annotated and dog-eared copy you have in front of you. “Long, dark, often psychologically challenging, but ultimately an interesting perspective on nihilism. And you?”

“Oh.” He nods in faux seriousness. “I thought much the same. Reckon I’d like to go for a beer with Dostoevsky.”

“That would be an interesting encounter.”

Bucky rests his laptop and his copy of the book on the bench and looks as though he might say something else until the professor enters the room, hushing the hall to silence. When the lights dim so you can see the projector, you wonder if Bucky can hear how furiously your heart beats in your chest.

-

After than, some sort of unspoken agreement develops wherein every Russian literature class, his place is a spot next to you. You always seem to arrive first--he’s always rushing from somewhere--but he clocks you and instinctively walks over, sliding into a chair adjacent to your own. The conversation is usually the same. Always about the books.

You’re not sure what any of it means but you’ve somehow found a friend in the famous Bucky Barnes, and people start to notice.

“Since when have you and Bucky been so close?” Wanda Maximoff asks as you queue for the canteen lasagna, the flourescent bar lights doing nothing for the food presentation. “My brother is in your lit class and he says you two sit together a lot.”

You shrug, spooning lasagna onto your plate. “We just sit together.”

“You don’t just sit together with Bucky Barnes, (Y/N). That’s not a thing that happens.”

“Honestly, Wanda, we just talk about books.”

Wanda narrows her eyes, swiping her meal card at the end of the belt. “Sure, okay. I believe you. For now.”

She has to believe you, because you know what she’s insinuating. And when you look across the canteen and see Bucky laughing with Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson and his ex girlfriend Natasha Romanoff, you know this cute, handsome boy and his often insightful observations of Russian texts are so far out of your league that it’s kind of embarrassing.

-

so, (y/n). what did you think of the master and margarita?

i think pilate suffering for his sins for two thousand years is pretty rough tbh

but he deserves it?

i mean. probably. his suffering is necessary for the redemption arc

just what i was going to say. obviously.

see you tomorrow :)

-

“Do you want to come to a party?” 

Bucky asks you this as you come out of your seminar on Chekov’s Uncle Vanya and, admittedly, it kind of knocks you off guard. When you lamely blink back at him blankly, he decides to elaborate.

“It’s my friend Sam’s birthday. It’s just at our dorm--should be fun. Although we’re very competitive when it comes to beer pong, so beware.” His smile is wistful but he quickly comes back to earth, falling in step with you as you walk along the hall. “So what do you say? You interested?”

“You’re inviting me to a party?” you reply, as this is a very big step in your friendship. This is assuming he’d happily see you outside of class amongst his equally popular and attractive friends.

“Yeah, I think so,” he laughs bemusedly, pausing at the door that leads to the quad. He has his Cold War class across campus. “(Y/N), I’d really like you to come.”

You look at him and expect him to reveal this--him--as a joke, but he’s earnest and certain and honest, with an almost shy smile on his face. His eyes are hidden by his usual cap but you know the colour of blue so well by now. And not just because you’d zoomed in on his Facebook photo in a moment of ridiculous late-night longing.

(You follow him on Instagram now, too, but only because he followed you first. You were still too uncertain to initiate it, worried that he’d ignore you.)

“Okay,” you say, swallowing nervously. Wondering if this might be a mistake. That you’d turn up and no-one there would like you. “Who else will be there?”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll introduce you.” He pauses, chewing his lip for a second, before gesturing at the door. “I’ve got class, so I’ll...I’ll see you later.”

Your hands tighten round the straps of your backpack. “See you later, Bucky.”

-

Bucky shares a floor with Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers at a block about a ten minute walk from your own, and you use the walk in the chill New York air to calm your jangling nerves. You’re wearing your favourite navy blue dress and have braided your hair and made an effort with your makeup--and you’re not totally sure what for, what you’re expecting. You’re just the quiet girl in Bucky Barnes’ literature class. You don’t know how it got to this.

You’re too awkward to press the buzzer so you message Bucky to let him know you’re outside. Scrolling through your Facebook inbox, your messages have become...quite frequent. Especially at night. You lie on your bed and frantically type until the early hours, only realising it’s 3am before it’s too late.

That’s what friends do, right? Friends. 

(God, you’re so fucking in love with him, aren’t you?)

Bucky’s on the edge of a laugh when he answers the door, but his expression falters into muted surprise as soon as he lays eyes on you on his doorstep. A silly gold party hat is positioned at an angle over his head.

“(Y/N),” he says, and you flush, because the way he says your damn name. He steps aside so you can step in under his arm. “I’m glad you came. Finished The Idiot yet?”

“Onto the last fifty pages.” His house is decked out with balloons and paper chains and the loud pumping of a bass stereo carries from the lounge, alongside the chatter of laughing of guests. You recognise Columbia’s only archer and Olympic hopeful Clint Barton rush up the stairs, holding the hand of a brown haired girl. Bucky rolls his eyes at him and yells already? “I think it might be one of my favourites on the module.”

He leads you through to the kitchen which is empty other than various bottles of alcohol on the table and Natasha Romanoff sitting on the counter. Her red hair hangs effortlessly across her shoulders, lips painted scarlet, wearing a classy black jumpsuit. Natasha Romanoff makes you feel nervous because a) she’s the kind of girl you could never be and b) she’s the kind of girl Bucky Barnes dates. She’s sipping rose out of a wine glass, her eyes discretely looking you up and down.

“Is this the famous (Y/N)?” Natasha asks, her tone intrigued, her lips curved. Bucky laughs bashfully, scratching the back of his head. “Honestly, this guy doesn’t stop talking about you.”

“Sorry?” you gape, looking between her and him. Bucky sends Natasha a glare that signals for her to shut up which only makes her more amused by the situation, leaning back casually. “Uh, I don’t know--”

“Ignore her. She’s insatiable.” Bucky quickly swerves, pressing a glass into your hand. “Would you like a drink? We have pretty much everything imaginable. Natasha has plenty of wine she’d love to share.”

Natasha is totally unaffected, already looking at her mobile phone. She flicks a hand at a line of bottles next to the microwave. “Feel free, honey.”

You’re not a big drinker as you don’t often frequent cool college parties and you’ve been drunk a grand total of one time after one too many glasses of champagne on new year’s eve. Bucky seems to see this in your face.

“You don’t have to drink, obviously,” he says kindly, “But if you mix a bit of soda with rose it actually tastes kinda nice. Much better than beer, anyway.”

“Okay,” you nod, letting him mix the drink for you. He’s remarkably careful, pouring the tiniest amount from one of Natasha’s bottles and topping it up with sprite. He grabs a beer for himself, cracking off the lid with his teeth.

“You know you’re not impressive when you do that,” Natasha says drolly, even though she hasn’t looked up from her phone.

“(Y/N) was impressed,” Bucky says with a wink. You try and keep straight-faced but yeah, come on. You were.

“Of course she was impressed,” Natasha interjects, “You’re both stupidly in love with each other but too polite to make a move.”

Bucky flips her off before pressing a gentle hand in the small of your back, ushering you away from her. “She’s drunk.”

“I’m not drunk!”

You sip your drink, wondering if your palms will ever stop sweating. Natasha can’t be right. She isn’t right. Or is she? No, she can’t be, because this is Bucky Barnes and you’re you.

-

Bucky’s friends are actually kinda nice. Really nice, in fact. You’ve always been intimidated by Steve Rogers’ reputation on campus but he might be one of the sweetest guys you’ve ever met, instantly welcoming and eager to get you involved with the games he’s beginning to set up. Sam Wilson is bold and blunt, but he grins mischievously and gives Bucky a pointed look when he introduces you and snaps a party hat to your head. In various corners of the apartment you see people you vaguely recognise from school, names burning at the edges of your memory but ultimately escaping you. 

Steve sets up the table for beer pong and Bucky clutches your wrist, beckoning you over to play (and cutting short your conversation with a very interesting business major called Pepper). Steve and Sam are on one side while you and Bucky are apparently on the other--Steve’s positioned himself so he’s directly in view of a British exchange student with big eyes on the other side of the room. 

(Aside from your own, you’re actually pretty observant when it comes to potential romantic encounters.)

“Just so you know,” Sam stares hard at the two of you, pointing with two fingers, “It’s my birthday, so I have to win. It’s the rules.”

“I don’t think you have to worry,” you reply, looking up at Bucky. His expression is warm, his arms desperately close to yours. “I’m probably going to be pretty rubbish at this.”

“Buck’s a good teacher,” Steve says, grabbing a ping-pong ball and handing it over to Sam. He rolls it between his fingers, his face scrunched in mock seriousness. “But we’ve all had plenty of practice.”

“Too much practice, arguably,” Bucky drawls. “And Wilson, don’t you think for one second that (Y/N) and I are going to let you win under any circumstances.”

“I don’t need you to let me win,” Sam says, before perfectly throwing the ball into one of the cups near the front. He stands back smugly, crossing his arms over his chest, as the rest of the room whoops. “I think you’ll find I possess the skills for victory, fair and square.”

You laugh as Bucky rolls his eyes, picking up the plastic cup filled halfway with lukewarm beer. He keeps eye contact as he knocks the whole thing back, wiping his lip emphatically once he’s done. “That’s it. The game is on.”

-

Admittedly, it get’s to a point where it’s pretty close. You almost visibly bristle as Bucky tries to show you the ropes, positioning your hips with his hands and following your aim as you try (and often fail) to pit the ball in one of the opposite team’s plastic cups. Whenever you score he yelps dramatically, high-fiving you, and his grin is borderline magical.

(Natasha watches bemusedly from the sidelines, making dry comments here and there. It’s like she’s checking you out for herself. Assessing you.)

It get’s to the point where there is only one cup left on either side and the tension is palpable. Limbs are floppier from downing liquor, the aim repeatedly more off--your stomach is warm and your feet feel light--and Bucky’s palms ghost your waist as you concentrate on what could be the winning put. Sam and Steve try and distract you by dancing ridiculously to an ABBA track playing out the speakers, but Bucky’s words of encouragement are what filter through. You take a deep breath and throw, only exhaling when your ball lands with a triumphant plop in the central solo cup.

Bucky throws his fist in the air before grabbing you and spinning you round, his laugh ecstatic in your ear. You cling onto his neck, your fingers barely millimeters from entangling in his hair, before he plants you down on the ground again. Well. You think you’re on the ground. You might as well be in the clouds.

“A round of applause for the winning shot,” Bucky says, holding your hand and lifting your arm so you can take your bow (which you do with pleasure). Steve and Sam pretend to be reluctant, but they clap anyway.

“I’ll allow it, this once, (Y/N),” Sam answers bemusedly, coming round to the other side of the table. “But if you try and upstage me on my birthday again there will be consequences.”

You feel more confident now, more like these people are your friends. So you grin, feeling the magnetic pull of Bucky to his side from next to you. “I’ll try not to. Promise.”

Sam hums, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder. “Come on, Barnes. You can go mix me a drink.”

Bucky shrugs, asking if you want anything from the kitchen while he’s on his way there, but you shake your head. You’re happy right now with what you have.

-

Natasha approaches you while you’re waiting outside the bathroom. Someone--you think he’s called Rhodey--emerges and offers you a salute and you’re about to go in, but Natasha grabs your hand and pulls you in with her and locks the door behind you.

You’re so astonished you’re not sure what to say. She brushes the hair away from her neck, back facing you.

“I need someone to unzip me,” she declares like it’s obvious, indicating towards the zipper halfway down her back. “Do you mind?”

“No,” you blink, hand nimbly reaching forward to drag the zipper down her back. Even her back is flawless, like porcelain, a tattoo of what looks like a spider curling up from her waist. “Of course not, no.”

She sits on the toilet unabashedly and doesn’t ask you to look away but of course, you do, because this whole situation feels very strange indeed. The wall is plain and blue and spotted with mildew, probably damp from the shower. Like all student accommodation. It feels weird looking at damp while Natasha Romanoff, beautiful as she is, literally pees behind you.

“I care about Bucky a lot,” she says suddenly, “I’ve known him a long time. Way before college, way before we--dated. I love him, but not in the way you think. And I know what he’s like, what the signs are.”

You shift your feet uncomfortably. “The signs of what?”

She audibly sighs out of frustration. “Honestly, it sounds like you’re both as bad as each other. I know--I know when he’s falling for somebody. You’d think, I know you think, that somebody like him...he’d have no problem with it. And maybe if he cared a little less and felt less intensely he wouldn’t.”

“I’m not sure...”

The toilet flushes. Natasha rises and turns back to you and you dutifully zip her back up while she washes her hands, looking at your reflection in the mirror. When you’re stood side by side like this it really does emphasise the differences between you, but also the similarities. She’s a girl. So are you. Girls, despite what every atom of her being exudes. 

“You know exactly what I mean, (Y/N).” She smiles crookedly, wiping her hands on a towel. “Just--treasure him, yeah? He deserves it. I get a feeling you both do.”

She doesn’t look back at you as she leaves, closing the door behind her.

-

Bucky gives you one of his old football jerseys to walk home in because it’s past midnight and you didn’t bring your own. He also insists on walking you home. And you feel nervous, not just because you’re alone with him for the first time this evening, but also because Natasha’s words circle the back of your mind like a tape cassette stuck on loop. You know exactly what I mean, (Y/N).

“Can I ask you something?” you question, arms crossed as your steps echo on the sidewalk. The street is surprisingly deserted--it’s usually crowded with students, all sorts. Tonight, it is quiet.

Bucky looks over at you quizzically, but intrigued. “Yeah. Shoot.”

“Why me?” When he looks perplexed, you laugh awkwardly and continue on. “Connie Taylor is in our Russian lit class, too, and she’s way prettier than me and like...she’s been trying to get you to notice her all semester and yet.” You scrunch your nose as you look up at him, examining his features. His jawline. The hair that falls into his eyes. His naturally flushed cheeks. The party hat he’s yet to take off. Him. Him him him. “You always come to me.”

He bites the inside of his cheek. “Connie Taylor seems perfectly nice. But Connie isn’t you. I like you.” You arrive at the door of your block and he pauses, shoes scuffing into the ground. “She’s not prettier than you, or smarter than you, or any of the reasons you’ve inevitably thought in your head as to why you think she’s more deserving of anything than you. And I find it vaguely insulting that because...I don’t know, play football, that I could only be interested in one kind of person.”

You look away. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“No, I know.” He steps closer so that the toes of your shoes are almost touching. His hand searches in the darkness for your own. Squeezing your small fingers between his, scarred and scraped from football practice. “(Y/N), I like you because you’re funny and kind and intelligent. I like it when you message me about books, I like it when you save me a seat in lectures, I like it when you explain every single point you make so everyone in the class can understand it. I like so many things about you, and you need to get it out your head that because you’re not Connie Taylor that this can’t be true.”

“No-one ever notices me, Bucky,” you murmur quietly, “And I don’t say that for sympathy, or whatever. I say that because that’s how it’s always been.”

You both stare into each other and for one agonising, aching moment you think he might let go of your hand, snuff every spark out like a candle. But instead--instead he ducks in, covering your lips in a soft post-midnight kiss, his mouth warm and tasting faintly like beer. He snatches the breath from your lungs.

“Do you believe me now?” he whispers, hands curving round your jaw. You want to close your eyes, remember this feeling forever. Trap it all in a polaroid. “You are so fucking special. Everyone but you can see it, and it’s so frustrating.”

You kiss his palm, letting your lips linger on his skin for a moment longer. “Thank you for inviting me tonight. I had a really great time.”

His smile is faint but there, nonetheless. “I knew you would. I hope this means you’ll be willing to come out with me again sometime.”

“I think I would like that.”

He unravels from you, not before ducking in for one last sweet, beautiful kiss. “Goodnight, (Y/N).”

“‘Night, Bucky.”

Your hands remain clasped together until he’s far enough away from you, dropping your hand and grinning as he’s eventually lost in darkness. You have to hover for a second with your keycard in your hand, trying to gather your thoughts, process the events of the evening. Bucky Barnes like you. He likes you, not in spite of you, but because you’re you.

When you collapse on your bed you map the constellations of cracks on your ceiling, your heart thumping and your mind almost one hundred percent him.

-

“you and i, it’s as though we have been taught to kiss in heaven and sent down to Earth together, to see if we know what we were taught.”

y/n. it’s 2am and doctor zhivago is making me cry.

also sam has made me drink sambuca

i wish i was crying over russian books with you

even though ur probably asleep

that’s cool

hope ur having sweet dreams

:)

miss you

-

my masterlist

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