#doesnt help that im on ssris

[pinayelf-archive]

.

[transgothicgenre]

[raychromatic]

personal update: yeah i'm kinda going thru it right now. and by "it", i mean SSRI withdrawals

(ive been on sertraline/zoloft for Years, & recently decided to try Not being on it anymore. so ive been gradually tapering off it over the past ~month and a half. i'm in the home stretch now & ooh boy i am feeling the Effects. the good news is that my withdrawal symptoms havent been TOO debilitating, and it shouldn't be too long before my body adjusts to being ssri-free and then all of this will be over!!!! yippee)

[jemamore]

✨

[hpdfag]

oh my god HII!! i’m back from my break and i’d say i’m actually feeling much better :) how have you been??

thank you for sending something! i promise that you don’t even need to but i was really happy you did even then, it just feels so nice that you put some time into it :} also SEVEN HOUR SHIFTS??? what the fuck are they doing to these poor seventeen sixteen year olds at mcdonald’s oh my god. i’m sure it’s incredibly exhausting?? i mean i don’t know how i’d go through that! but i also feel like the idea of getting “adult money” is quite nice knowing most of our lives even 50 was a lot from our parents, so there’s that. make sure to take breaks to balance that because it looks EXHAUSTING?? And with school even then…at least this year will be shorter for you from what you said i mean!! So good luck managing those hours and school. I won’t lie i’m a bit proud? i hope this doesn’t sound condescending but i just feel happy that you’re doing this step and like…growing up. It’s just something incredibly difficult and complex in my eyes and seeing someone i care about actually do it makes me feel pretty happy with all honesty! I hope you understand what i mean :} i might write another message talking about what else you’ve wrote to me that i couldn’t answer earlier! but for now, i hope you’re doing fine even with the seven hour shifts :}

- 🧶

HIHIHI WELCOME BACK its so good to see you again!!! ive been doing alright, trying to manage work and life and school all at the same time is suck a nightmare v_v;; ive ended up kinda neglecting this account which is so sad cuz my feelings havent changed that much!! im just so tired all tha time ...

and of course of course !! id feel bad not leaving something, especially since i had you on my mind! it just made sense to say something, even if it wasnt a lot haha

and YEAG. YEAHHHGGGG. theyve been fuckinf BRUTAL, ive luckily(?) been out sick the past couple of days since i ran out of my antidepressant and your body does not appreciate going cold turkey on an SSRI at all LMAOAOOAOA ... now im just waiting for the manager to get back to me about my schedule for this week since im feeling msrginally better, i could probably finish a shift in my current state with a lot of caffeine, a zofran, and some ibuprofen LOLOL

and it definitely is nice!! most of the money im making im going to be putting in a savings account for college, since my student aid situation is a lot more confusing than i was expecting it to be .. im not entirely sure how our income is going to be calculated? since we get survivorship benefits after my father passed away, and because of the way that program distributes the money, different government programs count it differently, either taking all the money as a whole and counting it as my mom's income or cutting it up into three chunks and counting it as income for each member of my family.

its all so confusing and means i cant reasonably expect to get much help from the fafsa alone, so i need to save up my own money and start applying for scholarships ASAP!! i could go to community college for the first two years, and im even already accepted at the one nearby, but i'd much rather go to the same school for my full bachelors even if it'll be more expensive.. but who knows!! we'll find out eventually.

and don't worry it doesnt sound condescending at all! im really glad you are, ive been changing so much lately and i always worry that it'll alienate the people i care about, especially everyone ive met thru here </3 and it really means a lot to know you're proud of us !!

[bleuberrygliscor]

look not to be that bitch. but i spent years of my life in therapy.

i spent years doing things, reading books, trying to fucking fix my own brain due to my body's really cool way of building up tolerance to my medications. Flip flopping between drugs, between therapists, between group therapy locations, between coping mechanisms both "healthy" and "wildly fucking harmful".

i spent blood, money, and tears on CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) because the years of talk therapy i did never helped me heal (and im sure my therapist that i lovingly refer to as Miss M got tired of watching me trigger myself trying to explain my fucked up brain). and Neither of those things worked for me. it was fucking crushing going to group, week after week, and watching people who lost spouses, lost jobs, actively threatened to kill themselves, get better and stop coming. to attend an anxiety group session only to have the therapist attempt to remodel one of the exercises in real time due to me being unable to close my eyes for more than a minute, playfully commenting about me cracking the arm of the plastic chair from gripping it so tightly. to watch a rotating cast for almost a year, and still be the only one left, passing them on the way to the pharmacy on the first floor and hearing that they've been doing better. the pure jealousy in watching people who were, by all accounts, fucking worse than me, recovering and yet here i was, getting some other ssri to try for the next six weeks and hope my manic episode doesnt freak out my friends.

but i figured out something recently.

i have been journaling for years, since 2002, very infrequently, at the behest of my second therapist. he suggested that writing things down would be best for me. He was very fucking wrong. i hated doing it. it just made me feel worse, lamenting my dull life, tired of writing that i did the same 3 things again today (went to school - did homework - slept). so i joined journaling subreddits and communities later on, and to the surprise of no one i hated it even more with the added competition from people who wrote nicer than i did, took better notes, led interesting lives, when my highlight was "i downloaded an mp3 from mp3bee today and i didnt get rickrolled :D". but this month (literally the last 3 days) ive been scrapbooking instead. and not just that, I've not even been talking about the nothing that i do, literally today was a nightvale quote, and im excited to do something tomorrow.

This is a really long fucking tangent, but my point is that i spent years trying to be everyone else, trying to do the shit that works for other people, and never doing the shit that works for me. fuck i didnt even know it worked for me until Tuesday of this fucking week.

Maybe opening a window, or changing you pjs doesnt help you, but something out there will. youre worth the time it takes to find it.

[selamat-linting]

i will be forever pissed that my shrink's reaction after i told her my problem is to give me ssri, lorazepam, and tell me to just improve on my own. she doesnt teach me coping methods or anything, just meds. i appreciate the ssri, they actually made me calmer and happier overall, but the other medication...

i already told her. my dad was a meth addict and a drunk. many of my family are addicted to something. my trauma is mostly from seeing domestic violence and the shit my dad does while he's having meth psychosis. i didnt just fear the man or fear dealing with him, i fear of becoming like my dad. but she gave me meds that could be addictive and didnt tell me about the side-effects.

at first i trusted her ofc, because if the one med eventually worked for me, then this one could be great. besides, it worked faster than my ssri, it feels nice to be able to sleep fast, i want to take more. so i made my own research, and i thought she's going to help me taper off lorazepam after the ssri started working. but she doesnt. after a month of taking this med, i met her again and i was told to take the same dose and she told me i'll see her in another appoinment next month. i dont get it, youre not supposed to take this for over four weeks. so after a week of deliberation i decided to quit on my own. especially now that i feel i've been getting by just fine. the meds i took for sleep barely makes any difference now. and holy shit. my anxiety came back at night and it was worse. my hands were shaking and my heart felt like it was running a marathon. i got very angry and did things im embarrassed off later on. i literally had withdrawal symptoms from my own meds. eventually i give up and took it again even if the current dose doesnt do shit.

so, its ironic. my coworkers and some of my comrades took me out drinking, offered me to smoke. but i never get out of hand. i never had a physical dependence or a hangover. i took whatever they offered and get by just fine. i manage to do the "cool things" in moderation. sure, i have my issues, but substance abuse isnt one of them. but when i finally give in and get mental health help for my anxiety, depression, and aggression issues, i end up with this! i have to take a medication that doesnt work on me anymore just so i dont freak out again. i hate it. i feel disgusted that i have to be this way. so yeah, im going to see her again in a couple of weeks with some choice words.

[calebwittebane]

part of her comment was about my finances too (unprovoked!) lol i bet if she saw me rn she would say something about how i must be overeating and thats why i got no money cuz im a little fatty and i dont exercise or go outside ohh how awful. unrelated to today but its so unhinged of her to comment on my weight the way she does. i swear ive been the only person in her life whos always been trying to help her with her body image issues and always telling her she looks good the way she does and she doesnt have to torture herself with dieting. and what do i get in return? "when did you get this fat :( at some point you started gaining so much weight" yeah i went on ssris and also got over an eating disorder. and i look great. theres nothing wrong with being fat i dont feel bad about it at all. fat bitch

godddd my mom can be so fucking awful sometimes. think im gonna need a huge sign on my wall that says "Do Not Text Your Mom With Any Hopes Of Receiving Any Emotional Support In Times Of Hardship" i mean its been almost 28 years and i really should know better. but i gotta say i was not expecting her to just get all annoyed with me and be THIS much of a cruel asshole about gaia. alright fuck you too girl. im not even gonna respond to that cuz i dont have the time or energy to be dealing with the aftermath of telling her she hurt my feelings. asshole. like does it even occur to her how she would feel if somebody acted like that towards her and said that about any of her dogs if god forbid she was in a similar situation? god damn man. she didnt have to respond at all, i didnt ask anything of her, i was just telling her what was going on and that i was stressed out waiting while gaia's in surgery. a simple fucking "hope it goes well" wouldve sufficed even if insincere but then again i dont know why i even bother. why i bother including her in anything. im sorry i know this is a bit outta pocket, me ranting like this, its just like. fucking hell man ive been handling being At My Limit reasonably well and this really fucking did it im so pissed off rn. i wouldnt say the shit she had said to me just then to someone i hated. and she knows how much i love gaia. well maybe she doesnt wanna admit to herself why a cat is the closest ive got to family. bet it stings. well it stings for me a lot more i fear. What the fuck Ever.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

no tws i think

looking for advice and comfort.

im struggling right now and its hurting my loved ones. theyve become almost numb to my struggles and its hard for them to keep repeating the same comfort theyve given me when it doesnt seem to help. what they dont understand is that it DOES help, at the time. i guess i just need it more frequently? but i understand that its draining to have such a high needs person to comfort all the time and i dont know what to do about that. i feel guilty. i feel sad that im so draining to be around.

my loved ones want me to get better and ive tried to, ive said ill get better before but i just went right back to where i was. im so tired and its so hard. i need to get better for them but im only seventeen and my meds dont seem to be working. theyre frustrated that nothing they do seems to help. i dont know what to do because i keep promising them that ill get better but then i feel bad again and all i want to do is get worse. i dont know how to get out of this pit that ive dug myself into.

Hey serenadotcom,

I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling.

I'm wondering if your parents would be understanding if you asked them to start therapy. If you don't already have a therapist, I think they could help you with what you're dealing with in a more long-term way, and they will also be a better, more experienced support.

If your meds aren't working, it's a good idea to notify your psychiatrist so they can put you on a more effective treatment plan. Please know you're not alone, I've been on over like 7 different SSRIs since 2016 (I'm assuming it's some kind of psychiatric medication you're referring to). It's just about finding your match. That being said, meds aren't a cure-all, and therapy or self-work should be happening in tandem.

I was in a situation very similar to yours several years ago, and it was definitely rough, but it may be relieving to know that you can get out of this tough spot too. You are valid.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[zhewhoisfate]

Tips and Tricks to eat when you're Depresso™

Because if i need them so do you probably

Eating anything is better than nothing. Seriously. Those two and a half crackers gave you energy you didn't have before, even if you couldn't feel it, and that's a victory.

You don't have to eat it the way it's "supposed" to be eaten. You can eat soup out of the can. Hotdogs don't have to have buns. You can eat sandwich meat without the bread, or vice versa.

Rice cooks just as well in a glass bowl for 5 minutes on high in the microwave as it does on the stovetop for ten. You dont need a fancy cooker bowl. Just stand there and make sure it doesnt over-dry. If the water's gone, it's done. One part water to one part rice.

A can of beans and a handful of onion flakes goes a long way for taste and protein.

Protein and meal replacement bars are your friends.

Juice is good. It's full of nutrients. Make sure it's not grapefruit, because medication, but yeah drink that shit bro. Eat a cracker with it or smthn dry though bc juice on an empty stomach makes your stomach...upset. That's how juice cleanses are supposed to work, in part. It's all the sugar I think.

Food doesn't immediately go bad sitting out for a few hours. If you're afraid of wasting it, dont be. If you feel sick, set it aside and start eating again when you feel like it, whether that's 2 hours or 12. Its honestly safe until you hit the multiple days mark, especially if you heated it.

Eating warm food will make you feel better than cold food, if you can manage it.

You absorb more nutrients from food you enjoy. Yes, that's empirically tested, look it up.

Coffee or tea on an empty stomach are going to make you pee and if you're not lucky, shit. If you're dehydrated, it's going to be worse, and you're going to feel worse, because caffeine is a diuretic, meaning it dehydrates you by making you piss.

Yeah, im gonna tell you to drink water. Im aware its not easy. I've been using the same cup for weeks. Dont message me about this.

That said, cups are cleaner than bottles. They mold less.

Don't chug your water. You know what I'm talking about; you get really thirsty and it finally compels you to go get some water and then you gulp it down like a fish, I know. That's how you make yourself throw up, though, so be careful.

Eating (even an hour or so) after you wake up can help reset your circadian rhythm - useful for when you become nocturnal.

Smaller meals are going to be easier. Use that. You don't have to eat a "full meal." Portions are fake.

Personally, I get nauseous and a headache when im hungry, and eating makes me tired because of the blood sugar spike. Don't fight your body. I mean, if you have diabetes that's different, obviously, but depression can impair your hunger signals. Just eat a little, and sleep when you have to.

This is a little off kilter but don't take cough syrup or pills if you're on an antidepressant. Dextromethorphan can send you to the ER with its interactions and its in many cold medicines as a cough suppressant. If the label says don't take with MAOIs, don't take it with SSRIs either.

Disposable dishes. No, really. You can feel bad about the turtles when you have the capacity to consistantly feel joy.

Alcohol will probably make you feel worse. I know, it sucks, I'm sorry.

Its ok to puke. If you eat and then puke, don't feel bad about wasting the effort or something. The worst thing that happens is your mouth tastes bad and you only absorbed some nutrients instead of all of them. No harm done, just eat slower next time.

Sit in front of a window, or turn your lights on. It sounds stupid, but the more awake and aware you are the easier it is to realize you're hungry.

You're ill, not lazy.

Treat yourself like you're recovering from a cold. It will help the stress, which will help you eat more, which will help you feel better.

Yeah i know its all easier said than done. But it won't always be this hard. Remember that.

[queernuck]

so, last night my dad got home with dinner, was being his usual somewhat odd self, was just generally acting like the asshole he tends to be and it was just kind of business as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary, just that he tends to be, well, an asshole. and that wasnt unexpected, he gets like that a lot, and i can deal with it.

yesterday, at some point, I realized that I probably need a refill on my clonazepam script, which I cant verify without asking, who always gets really bitchy about it, who makes sure that she makes it as demeaning and awful of an experience as possible to even talk about these things. she is very good at it, as well, and knows exactly what things to say to be insulting, to be vicious, to make me feel vulnerable and awful and more than anything just makes me feel worthless. and like, this is a routine thing for her, she takes whatever opportunities she can to make me feel this way and is very open about that. i have no idea if she realizes how miserable i am, and if she did then she would likely blame me, would yell at me about not responding to TMS or claim that I ruined its efficacy by doing drugs over the course of treatment (which is...more than a bit ridiculous) or just generally looking at me with contempt

by contrast, my dad at least makes some occasional attempts at reaching out, sometimes seems to have a sense of how much pain i am in, although not really accepting it in full, not really understanding it, not getting it. and last night was just another example of him not getting it, not understanding it. he specifically said that psych meds are apparently to help me get better, are not supposed to be things that you take long-term. which, well, that is something that I might argue in certain circumstances and in fact I want to be off of my SSRI because I feel it has not been helpful, I want to change ADHD meds to one that is a stimulant so that I get actual use out of it instead of it just being...whatever the fuck Strattera IS, as an incredibly expensive drug that has no real usefulness for me, and I want to stay ON Clonazepam because it is at least SOMETIMES helpful, and in fact would like to ADD another benzodiazepine like a high dose of Ativan or a decent prescription of Xanax so that I have something for acute anxiety as well as to treat the underlying and structurally-embedded anxiety I have so much trouble with.

but that is about my own personal needs, as well as an anti-psychiatric perspective that itself flows through being relatively familiar with psychiatry and how it works, how it feels to be in psychiatric care, how psychiatry abuses people. he, on the other hand, just doesnt take the meds hes prescribed because...thats just how he is. like, he doesnt take meds for his thyroid, or B12 despite having an absolutely AWFUL memory, like a fucking ATROCIOUS memory, and has never done anything about likely having ADHD. he just does not give a shit, he just has a perspective on meds that is more than a little bit absurd, and he is proud to impose that on me, too!

and so when I was asking about my clonazepam prescription, how many I had left, kind of anxious because all of a sudden I had fixated on worrying that I maybe didnt have enough, that I maybe would run out, so on, so I asked him to make sure that I had enough for the next few days. I asked this in the evening, after dinner, because I hoped that he would be able to check for me without needing to ask my mom, who would then use it as an opportunity to chastise me or scorn me or whatever. and he was deflecting and asking why I need to know and just generally being obstinate and awful and a fucking asshole, and then he told me to just go downstairs, like as a kind of “go to your room”-esque statement.

and he got mad enough that he was banging his fucking fist on the table, which was terrifying! i was genuinely scared and I wanted to get the fuck out of there so I tried to bolt, pissed and scared and just in an awful fucking mood, and he got mad at me for that too, for storming off when he was the one who was escalating shit.

and then, after all of that, he guilts me into listening to him go on about the mistakes he’s made with me, the ways that he made mistakes more generally, all of that. he said that the biggest mistake he ever made was sending me off to college at Trinity, and like, I don’t know if he meant that in the sense of not making me go to a school that gave me money, or if he thought sending me off to college as a WHOLE is something that he never should have done, or if this or that or the other thing was like, a mistake. I genuinely have no idea. I know that he also said something about it being a mistake to have let me work on a political campaign and that the nastiness of an electoral campaign was awful and that like, I think he was implying that it was what moved me to the left and as a result bad things happened? Im not really sure on that. Im not sure him or my mother realize that like, the beginning of my own major depression, the beginning of the turn that lead to the lows I’ve had since began while I was at school and just kept on getting worse, I have no clue. I do know that they blame me for it, I know they think I just haven’t worked hard enough.

And now I’m here. I’m sad. I’m real fucking sad. I’m lonely. I feel worthless. I feel like an awful person. I also want to get right back to doing the exact sort of things that my parents think make me an awful person! like, I really want some fucking heroin or some coke right now. I really have trouble dealing with the world while im sober, i really hate being forced into sobriety through this, through my parents taking my ID, taking my paychecks, making it so that the only places I go are my workplace and home. I hate it, I fucking hate it and I am so tired of it, so fucking TIRED, that I legitimately want to off myself but am at such a low place that I can hardly even think about figuring out how to go about doing that, how to make it so that I at least can have a glimmer of hope, one last moment of “wow, I at least did some cool things” before I go so that I can feel as if I’m leaving meaningfully.

theyre keeping me relatively close to the sobriety they want but they are doing it by making my life fucking miserable, by making it so that I have to struggle, so that I am basically being hung out unsympathetically to dry. next weekend, while she visits my siblings down in DC, my mom is going to be taking part in a walk against addiction held by a foundation that has been embraced by my aunt after her son, my cousin, died of an OD after a relapse. my mom is a former nurse, and is a fucking unsympathetic person when it comes to addiction and substance abuse. she seems to have no understanding of why people resort to using drugs, she has been mocking and patronizing when talking about my own drug use, and always looks at it in the most awful terms possible. but that’s just who she is, that’s just how my dad is, all of this is where I am stuck right now.

i want to be fucking out.

[valla-chan]

Actually no im still not done. i just saw a youtube comment (low bar to start with but still, this is a widespread sentiment) where someone asked why you would ever take a drug (flakka) and someone responded that it feels good at low doses and only makes someone into a zombie at higher doses.

This replier got absolutely BOMBARDED with people calling them an idiot, a liar, and someone who doesnt know what theyre talking about. (Which sucks, because, they were absolutely right. Low doses of flakka basically work like a stimulant and SSRI.)

So i'm gonna hammer in a point.

IF DRUGS ONLY MADE YOU FEEL HORRIBLE, PEOPLE WOULD NOT TAKE THEM.

This is something DARE would not tell you. this is something your mom and dad would not tell you. this is not something school would ever dream of saying. people who take drugs most often do so because the drugs are fun, interesting, relaxing, exiting, or satiate an urge or addiction.

Most people dont take drugs to go crazy on purpose. even if they do, they are likely experiencing something VERY different in their head than the erratic, terrifying nonsense that onlookers would see. being able to give up some of that control, for some, is addictingly freeing. not even to mention the energy levels that often come with it...

If drugs only made you feel horrible, very few people would take them.

the horribleness is most often an unwanted outcome, enacted onto a person who desperately needs help, not judgement from uneducated ignorant bystanders. Try to imagine your worst day ever, and know that whoever you may be thinking of judging is almost certainly going to be having a day thousands of times worse than that, even if they dont realize it yet.

/rant

ngl i have gained so much, SO SO MUCH more empathy for people strung out on highly stigmatized and scary drugs in public after having had a bad trip myself.

i cant even imagine how horrible it would be to feel yourself do these horrifying things, and then wake up at the end of it unable to take back any of it. usually having committed a crime, embarrassed yourself, injured yourself, or injured someone else... that would like hell on earth. dying while strung out is like the most horrible thing i can imagine in the whole world

[h1ghtechl0wlife]

think im on one of the most if not the most expensive ssri after working my way thru all the cheaper shit, and not that more expensive means better or anything but its frustrating to still not be able to just fucking enjoy anything, still still still still. it helps me not lash out so much, not panic so much but i just want to be able to engage with anything, enjoy anything, like anything, have fun, feel anything other than depression and anxiety and hypervigilance and anger. i just wanna live, man, but this doesnt feel like it

[puppiangel]

hi okay i’m really sorry if this is annoying. i was looking through the zoloft tag because my doctor is recommending it to me, and i saw you mention that you had a side affect of weight gain. would you mind describing how much, if you were able to loose it, etc. sorry if this is to personal, i’m just trying to recover from an eating disorder, and hearing that really freaked me out. thank you so much!!

this isn’t annoying, idk if u just sent this but suddenly i was in my inbox & saw this so i hope im not too late!

i got out of the psych ward at 113lbs (im 5′6 if this helps) & went on zoloft in late feb 2017. i got to 125 and in may of that year i got on birth control (so obv more weight gain) and i got to 140. after getting off the pill in august i was going between 135-120 just bc of life and i was smoking a lot of weed and eating food. i wasn’t able to lose it all until i got off of it and now im at 117.

this isn’t personal at all, and i hope this helps! you’ll probably put on around 10 lbs? but it depends on what ur eating & ur life! as u can see i had a lot of other factors too that could explain why i had my weight at that time. i think a lot of SSRIs cause weight gain so please dont avoid them just bc of the potential risk. it doesnt happen to everyone and you wont know til you try it!

best of luck and i hope this helped somewhat

[vahanians]

sometimes the way we view the world and ourselves is disordered and sometimes cbt is an effective treatment for it

idk i personally found cbt to be effective therapy bc my issues were trauma based and i was stuck in the cycle of negative self-perception that my parents forced onto me. it helped me a lot bc my issue WAS my thoughts were disordered and the way i saw myself/reacted to things Was disordered because of what i’ve been through. i think therapy is extremely personal and everyone has different needs but cbt was created for people like me. like when you’re in an abusive situation for years (especially if its as you’re developing) you do start to believe the things these people do and say to you and about you and so a major part of recovery is learning that those things are actually factually incorrect. not to say that cbt alone cured me or whatever but there is a reason it exists

[crossroal]

mom, when you have depression, sometimes breathing tires you out

mom, when you have anxiety, sometimes you can’t spend too much time with people, including family. you are not exclusive from my mental illness

mom, when you have both anxiety and depression, sometimes you will cry for no reason

mom, sometimes im sad for no obvious reason to you

mom, sometimes i am angry for no obvious reason to you

mom, when i tell you i don't know why im scared, sad, angry, or numb, you becoming angry does not help

mom, sometimes those little things like hanging up a jacket to keep my room clean makes me want to cry

mom, when i feel bored or numb, chores do not help. being assigned another project makes me want to break down and cry

mom, it is okay that you don’t understand my mental illnesses

mom, i do not even understand my mental illnesses fully

mom, do not try to equate the scared-all-the-time anxiety i have to your slight worry about what we will have for dinner

mom, do not push me to tell you things

mom, when you push me to tell you things, i lie

mom, when i say ‘nothing’ or ‘it doesnt matter’ do not force me to explain because i am obviously uncomfortable and i stated my discomfort verbally, just shrouded the words in indifference which really is not that indifferent

mom, do not make me feel guilty for taking meds

mom, both you and dad made me guilty for even asking my doctor and therapist about medication

mom, do not tell me how SSRI’s will hurt my body because my mind is at much more of a risk

mom, understand or try to understand that i do not want meds, but i want to feel better and if that is an efficient tool, i will use it with no regards to what you think about the said tool because you do not know what i go through

mom, do not ever make me feel bad about how i told you about my mental illnesses again

mom, sadness is not depression

mom, i do not give a fuck about what you think of my friends

mom, i do not give a fuck about what you think of SSRI’s/SNRI’s

mom, if my friends are a coping mechanism for me, and you aren't, do not be offended

mom, if i tell you that i like thick eyeliner, do not criticize it because you should be ecstatic that i have the energy to put makeup on

mom, please come to terms with the fact that i may have once called you my best friend, but no more, because you do not try to listen to me. you push me to put myself in uncomfortable situations. you tell me that cleaning my room is simple. you mock me for putting off cleaning my room because it is ‘such a simple task.’ 

mom, we will never be as close as we once were