#doesn't mean they're free from their trauma! like you THOUGHT!

[starlightshore]

you keep telling yourself that, buddy.

[zombolouge]

The thing is, it's not about the Therapy Speak. It's not that everyone who disliked DAV hates healthy communication as a dynamic in fiction. It's not even about only being allowed to be a good guy, really, because most of us did do that anyways (though the option not being there is a loss I grieve even if I never chose it myself, but that's another rant for another day).

It's that DAV does all that stuff at the expense of being believable. At the expense of characters being permitted to have personalities. At the expense of emotions behaving the way emotions actually work for people. At the expense of letting the plot build tension through the stakes we're forced to grapple with.

Half the fics out there take the conflicts between the characters in the previous games and resolve them. I do it myself ALL THE TIME because I like to find a path to resolution through just about any conflict, that's what fascinates me about telling these stories. But the higher the stakes, the harder a conflict is to resolve. You CAN resolve any conflict, you CAN communicate healthily through any emotion, but you can't skip the time it takes to process it all to even be able to communicate it. As someone whose got CPTSD and recovered from many Traumas, I can tell you that the TIME it takes to work through it is not something you can fast track, and the ups and downs of your emotions on that journey can't be skipped. It doesn't matter if you know exactly how to do it, exactly how it's going to feel, or exactly what the end state will be, you CAN'T speedrun it.

DAV has stakes that are astronomical, but nobody treats them that way. Nobody experiences denial - a common psychological reaction to being presented with information that shatters your worldview. Nobody expresses any distrust in the establishments handing out this information - something common among cultures that have at times been at war, even if those wars are "resolved" in the present. Nobody really ever breaks down - something that any person is capable of under extreme circumstances, especially when facing multiple crises of faith that challenge everything they thought they knew about themselves. Nobody blows their lid because they've been repressing the hell out of everything. Nobody grieves for southern Thedas, the entire thing dying off screen and giving you, the player, NO way to engage with it in any way.

Not to mention there are barely any inter-party conflicts, when there should be a lot more. Why is everyone (except Spite) fine with it if Emmrich sacrifices Manfred to become a lich? Why is everyone fine with Illario potentially being set free if he was working with the venatori and Elgar'nan, two sources that have actively attacked everyone in the party? Why doesn't Neve resent Lucanis if Treviso is picked? Why doesn't Harding get pissed off at Nevarra for having a secret society of liches that never helped during the Inquisition's war against the breach and corypheus? Why doesn't Harding feel ANYTHING about Ferelden and the rest of the south? Shouldn't Harding resent the fact that she's stuck in the north while her home dies?

All of these conflicts ARE resolvable, but not easily. And it's not believable that they're never brought up. It's not believable that these characters skip through everything that happens with like, barely a frowny face most of the time. In DAO, Alistair leaves if you don't treat his conflicts with respect. In DA2, your party members try to kill each other if you don't pay attention to their conflicts/emotional needs. In DAI, people can leave or betray you, Cassandra throws a chair at Varric and tries to body him out a window. ALL of these can be resolved but it takes effort, and the characters get to SHOW that they're bothered by them and struggling the way a person would when faced with those emotions.

The problem isn't the therapy speak, or that everyone is loyal and won't leave, or that they aren't mean to each other enough. It's that it's toxic positivity. It's toxic as fuck to imply that anger or grief should be smiled over or else you're giving up, and it's damaging to people to avoid engaging with their own negative emotional responses to extremely negative stimuli. It's pasting optimism over very real, very weighty issues, sweeping it all under the rug, and you keep waiting for the lid to blow off the pressure cooker that creates, but it never does. It never becomes anything that emulates real emotions, which is why the whole damn thing feels hollow. Everything's dying and nobody cares, not even about themselves, and that's NOT healthy communication.

It's bullshit, half-assed storytelling that didn't tell us the actual story, just the vague idea of what it could have been.

[seokminfilm]

forever | lee seokmin

🪄 pairing, lee seokmin x reader

🪄 warnings, non-idol au, lowercase intended, newly-established relationship, boyfriend!seokmin, hurt/comfort, sprinkles of angst, mentions of unspecified trauma, crying, kissing, hugging, seokmin calls reader love, reader uses nicknames for seokmin, seokmin soft hours

🪄 summary, seokmin finds out something new about you, and still loves you just the same for it.

🪄 author's note, hello hello everyone! i'm back from my hiatus, so please enjoy this quick hurt/comfort fic i wrote (seokmin soft hours are a go)! i love you all so much and have a merry christmas (christmas-themed seokmin fic??)

"love, can i ask you something?" the pet name is still new and brings a flutter to your stomach and a blush to your cheeks, and you nod, smiling at seokmin as he closes his book.

"you do this thing with your hands when you get nervous. why?" seokmin's voice is innocent, and your heart stops in your chest as you turn around, speechless and without an answer to seokmin's surprising question.

"oh, um...do i?" you laugh nervously, and seokmin nods, watching how your eyes darken a little and your smile fades as he nods. "yeah, you do. you're doing it right now."

you look down at your hands, and sure enough, they're moving; they do what they've always done when you're nervous, fiddling with each other and pulling the other hands' fingers. you never realized what you were doing until he called you out for it, and even then, it was just second nature to you. you didn't know how to stop.

"if you don't have an answer to it, you don't have to answer. i just wanted to know. it seems like a nervous tic you have, and you do it a lot around me. i don't know if it's because i make you uncomfortable or anything, and i hope that's not the case but—" seokmin pauses, staring at your eyes as he heaves a sigh.

"if it is, i want to know. i don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." seokmin's voice is soft, sincere, and you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes, already falling before you get to the bed where seokmin is sitting.

you fall into his lap, arms slung over his legs as your tears wet the white duvet. he doesn't say anything, quiet as his arms comfortably encase you. seokmin's smell is sweet and light, and it allows you to dry the tears quicker than you thought you would, sighing as you sit up.

you explain everything to him, from what happened to give you the subconscious habit you have, to why you do it around him. seokmin was attentive to every word you said, eyes on you and hands around yours as he listened quietly.

"i only do it around you because i'm still really nervous around you, seok. i—i know we've only dated for a month now, but i don't want to scare you away," you pause, eyes welling up with tears again as you breathe a sigh. "it's happened with everyone i've ever loved. like—in a romantic way, i mean."

seokmin's dark brown eyes dance over your skin, free of judgment and hurt. he's understanding of you, and strokes the tear-covered hair from your eyes, slender fingers tracing and cupping your cheeks as he kisses your tears away, soft lips drying your wet face.

"i would never judge you, love, i hope you know that. i'm happy that i've met you, and no matter what happened to you in the past, i'll continue to love you. there's nothing you can do to stop making me adore you." seokmin's smile is warm as he takes your hands in his, thumbs running over your knuckles as you nod, biting your wet lip.

"thank you for sharing that with me. it takes a lot of bravery to share personal things like that, and i'm honored that you consider me worthy of knowing." seokmin blushes, giving you a smile as you stare down at his hands, noting the veins in his forearms and slender fingers that grasp your thigh softly.

"of course, seokmin. i feel like you and i will be a thing for a long time. maybe even forever," you mumble the last part, cheeks heating up as seokmin stares at you, matching your expression. his eyes soften at your words, and you smile at him as he presses a soft, chaste kiss to your lips.

"i know it's going to be forever. trust me, love."

[cadavercrafts]

I hate to start drama so please forgive me, but why would you create a figure of a character (Valentino) that is a rapist? Even if they're fictional, I think it sends a really bad message.

No offense taken at all, anon, but this will be a long one! I heard of other people who like villains getting similar messages but i've never gotten one myself despite all the things i've made fanart for in the past. So i'm almost happy to talk about this?

It's 100% fine to hate certain fictional characters and just not wanting to see them at all. I think many people (especially with trauma) can relate to seeing a character in media that just makes them feel sick, i sure know some! But you're also talking to a dedicated horror nerd here. I have an expensive action figure of a monster-pregnant half skinned man in my shelf, anon. Rape doesn't even BEGIN to cover what some of the characters i like have been doing in their little fake freakworlds.

I love to explore horror and dark themes because fiction gives you a space to do this in a secure controlled environment and that's why it's so wonderful. We all have different levels of hard topics we can handle but if something is too much for you you can step away, shut it off and you are free and safe. No, i would not enjoy to be skinned alive for real and i don't think it's a very nice thing to do to others either, i have zero sympathy or interest in real life criminals. But Hellraiser is still a neat book!

I'm an adult and I'm able to freely chose what kind of themes and media i want to interact with and so are you. I mean, i don't know if you're an adult, but you have the power to chose regardless. My nickname is CADAVERcrafts and i made so so so so much fanart for awful villains before, ones who did way worse things than Valentino. Ripping heads off, killing kids, eating people- you know, the usual! I'm afraid you're not gonna like many things i'll make in the future but i always tag everything so you can absolutely avoid it by putting it on your blacklist. No Valentino jumpscares on your dash from me!

To be quite honest i thought of a lot of kinda funny dismissive replies at first but i don't want to shit on people who are genuinly upset. If you want something trigger tagged in the future just shoot me a message, i like to claim i'm not nearly as much of an asshole as the characters i make in clay. And if you just can't stand it then unfollow me, throw me in the bin! I'm just some online weirdo, you don't need me in your life if my works make you sad. Toss it, it's cool, this is your playzone and you get to decide who gets in!

[alle-ni]

My thoughts about goodomensverse (I'm clinically insane) (my personal opinion) (long post)

Book Crowley:

- absolute disaster

- lonely boy

- grumpiest

- he's so in love with Aziraphale but didn't even realised yet

- a bit dumb sometimes ngl

- very tired

- he's trying so hard save earth and everything he knows but everytime he tries to explain why it's always AZIRAPHALE

- sometimes he's like... your old gay uncle, the old gay uncle of the family except it's a 6000 years old gender fluid demon

- HISS LIKE A SNAKE GANG

- got called dear once and them died (figuratively)

Radio Crowley:

- flirty

- "Humm have you ever seen me in a dress~~??"

- he's like flirting with Aziraphale 24/7

- 0 patience this man is a BOMB

- if Aziraphale ever EVER got slightly flirty with him back he will EXPLODE

- smartest of them all, he's very intelligent

- HISS LIKE A SSSSSNAKE GANG

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and it makes him SO FRUSTRATED

- his Aziraphale is the hardest one to reach, maybe this is why he's so deliberately obvious and direct with him (he's resilient, he will never give up)

- he's like a tsudere teenager collegial except he's a 6000 years old demon with serious issues

- not called dear yet poor soul </3

TV Crowley:

- SILLY

- he's the dumbest of them all, sorry 😭

- red hair

- he's so in love with Aziraphale and everyone notice it's SO OBVIOUS

- he's the most affected by The Bookshop Burning ™ event

- the only one who got to kiss the angel, good for him ig, or sorry, idk

- anxiety bomb he literally (literally) EXPLODE

- strongest soldier bc his Aziraphale is IMPOSSIBLE

- got dumped 2 times more than the others someone pls help him

- the most brave tho

- doesn't hiss a lot :/ free him from this madness let him hiss

- he's like a puppy with giant yellow eyes except it's a 6000 years old snake demon that lies all the time

- protective as hell this man wouldn't let anyone near Aziraphale if possible

- got called dear but at what cost??????????????

Book Aziraphale:

- Anxious all the time, religious trauma except the god is your father and he left you and never talk to you again and the guard angels are your siblings and they want you do be dead

- He's so soft he wants so bad to comfort Crowley but he's really hard to reach

- his Crowley is the most difficult of all of them, he needs to circle him a lot to get in touch

- this man got called names so often I don't think he even cares anymore

- he's very nerdy

- he's the calmest of them all

- really chill

- everyone is so mean to him for no reason

- he has 1 braincell tbh and it's really bad bc his Crowley is not that brilliant too they're both stupid sometimes

- he really REALLY wants to be with Crowley and Crowley only, he sounds almost obligated to be with heaven

- he is really kind to others even when they don't deserve

- he called Crowley dear once and then implode

Radio Aziraphale:

- full of himself

- bastard

- the most closed and oblivious of them all

- he tries to play cool with Crowley all the time (he's slowly getting insane and someday he will jump on this man)

- he's the most self sufficient one he barely holds on Crowley to anything and they're pretty independent

- Crowley can say shit like "Miss me angel~~??" and he would keep a bored face and not react at all (he screamed with the walls 4 hours later)

- he's also a tsudere collegial but he at least try to look cool and composed in public

- he's the Aziraphale that most believes in heaven, he's sure they are good and selfless and the right side

- he's not so brilliant tbh but he got a lot of spirit

- the most active Aziraphale ?? He really put his hand in the dirt and do the things alone

- the most angry and bad tempered of them all, bro scream "WE ARE CLOSED LOOK AT THE DAMN SIGN" when ppl barely touch the bookshop door

- he has a lot of patience with Crowley, not deserved tbh bc he thinks it's his personal job to get in Aziraphale's nerves

- overall he is polite

- he's really proud of their "arrangement" there not only one chance he let go without saying that

- he likes to provoke Crowley sometimes too but not as much as the other way around

- if he ever call Crowley dear he will explode

TV Aziraphale:

- bitchiest

- this man need to be sedated what the fuck Aziraphale

- most nuts of then all he's CRAZY

- he's the most up to do shit with Crowley they're insane together

- he doesn't let Crowley rest he is flirting and being cute and hitting on Crowley all the time

- he's so obviously in love with Crowley its embarrassing

- he's the fruitiest he's the entire salad

- the most... indulgent, if I can say, of them all

- more like an employer of heaven, different of book Aziraphale

- he's the only one with almost white hair

- he got kissed but at what cost

- he's the most intelligent of all of them how can he be this dumb

- he loves little things about earth and humans and life and he seems to be the Aziraphale that most love EARTH itself, like, the life, the humans, the food, the little pleasures we have, the little time of happiness we have between all the shit that is happening... he really loves humans <3

- he's conflicted about heaven, he seems to know that there's something WRONG with how heaven works but still doesn't understand what exactly it is

- "oh but saving me makes him soooo happyyyy~~~"

- overall kind and sweet, in a excited way

[freuleinanna]

I'm still confused about Verna.. I thought she was a demon?? Because why would Death be going around making a bunch of deals with people? After Verna told Pym she decided to go "topside" I thought she was some kind of crossroads demon since it implies she came from below (hell)

Oh! I feel you, and I struggled with that a lot too. She does seem a lot like a demon. I'm not saying I'm 100% correct in my thinking either, but here's why I personally think she's Death. Kind of a long post, sorry. I hope I make myself clear, but feel free to follow up!

So, Verna. An anagram for Raven, that much is established. Ravens are wonderful - symmetrical even - creatures. Bringers of death in a wide understanding. Bringers of good luck in many cultures. The duality is amazing. To me, that also leans majorly into the theme of death being a concept of duality: an enemy for some, a friend for others. Each greets her differently. I'm not talking about the characters here, but people in general.

There's a proverb I came across a while ago that reads 'Death is a great leveller'. Meaning, everyone's equal before her. You have no leverage or buffer against death, and it doesn't matter if you're poor or blindly, feverishly, grotesquely rich (like our folks here). Everyone pays the last bill. For everyone, there's a day of reckoning. It's a major theme with the show, at least. Verna also says 'Buy now, pay the bill later' - although it can still read very demonic, I agree.

She's obviously ancient, and I was leaning toward the demon theory based on all of her talking. Yet - she also keeps ranting about Egypt and pyramids and Cleopatras and such. What's the one thing with Egyptians everyone knows of? They honored death. Death may have been a bigger part of their lives than life itself. The Usher Twins' obssession with all things Egyptian, antiquities, jewelry, swords and such, plays a nice parallel here too, because they're just collectors. They have no grain of honor for the real thing, for what these things are tied to. Kind of a nice thought, I guess.

Anyway, back to Verna. She says on multiple occasions how intrigued she is with us, 'adorable little things'. She saw the pyramids, the expeditions, and she wanted to see what else we do, she wanted to see what Roderick and Madeline will do (in her own words). It's all an experiment to her. She makes an offer just to see what we, people, do.

Here's where my beef with a demon theory comes in. No demonic creature I could think of, be it an actual demon, a trickster, or something else, is that sincerely intrigued. Something something death loving life something something.

Demons, in my understanding, are most interested in winning the deal. They come up with incredible challenges, they enjoy torture, emotional or physical, they never let anyone win. Verna has never once expressed this. Quite the opposite. She gives everyone a chance to step back. Even when the ink has dried and everything's decided, each Usher sibling is conditioned to make a choice: push forward, or step back. Neither of them steps back. Neither of them takes a long hard look at themselves (except Tamerlane, both literally haha and figuratively, as she's the only one to have realized how lost she was in her way - just at the end, when it didn't really matter anymore, but still). Verna is kind to those she takes (sincere pet names, regrets of having to do it this way, making sure they know it's not personal, etc). She grieves with them, just before. Grieving - 'The Raven' being about an expression of grief and trauma - ravens as synonyms for death... you get the gist. Oh! Except Freddie - cause Freddie struck a cord. Infuriated her. So he doesn't get an expressed choice. And he would've blown it like coke anyway, so meh.

And then Arthur Pym. Oh, Arthur Pym. I honestly couldn't imagine a demon kneeling and thanking someone who's refused them.

About Arthur Pym, by the way. It's the one story I hadn't reread, and I should have, it turns out! haha Anyway, a few notes about his travels:

In the story, Arthur Pym is expressedly afraid of white color (North Pole, yada yada, white being the absense of colors/life, and the absense of life is death).

Verna enumerates the moments she witnessed of his travels. Someone getting left in Sahara. Someone getting shot in the Arctic. Something bad that was done to an Inuit woman. Why would she follow Arthur so closely? She didn't know him, he wasn't her favorite. I think it's because she came to collect those deaths. If she is death, she would've been exactly there, where people died. She would have also seen Arthur not partaking.

Aaaaaaaand it makes her 'You saw me' line sound better, because he had sure seen death along his travels.

I think the part about a place of out-of-time, out-of-space creatures and hollow Earth was a bit unnecessary, BUT I can try and tie it in this way:

It showed us how Arthur might have coped with what he saw, and he 'saw a lot', even in his 70s it's difficult for him to recall, and it made him think of humanity as a virus, literally;

He might have thought up that ethereal realm simply because he was in an expedition? Exhaustive conditions for both body and spirit? Traumatic experiences? If he saw Death, he might have cloaked it in his mind to cope with it, thus came his stories;

Verna going 'topside' may just mean that she had to go take a look herself, actually be willingly present for the events - to see the brave little humans conquer the earth. 'Topside', as in, 'visible, present, participating'. If Death exists, I doubt it bothers with our boring human realm but lives downunder, among all threads that weave the world.

So that's that on Arthur Pym.

A few other references my mind is too exhausted to tie in nicely:

Death takes Lenore. THE Lenore from 'The Raven' (mostly) and 'Lenore' (secondary). That happened. Also, death talking to a child of life? Regretting having to take her? Not very demonic of dear ol' Verna, in my opinion.

Her mourning veil, her last toasts to the Ushers at the cemetery? Demons don't tend to grieve their players. Demons don't respect and love them enough, and 'what is grief, if not love persevering'?

Death is the last threshold. Before death, we look upon our legacy (major theme with the show), we remember our losses and loves (Annabel Lee!!!!! love the poem, brilliantly done), we get heavy with regrets. We face death as an enemy & fight, like Madeline did. As a friend, like Arthur did. We confess, like Roderick did. All that is too significant to me overall.

And the last thing. It's Edgar Allan Poe. The whole Death tribute is a giant, incredible, thought-through-to-the-bits hommage to his literature where Death, figuratively and literally, takes the throne.

I hope I managed to express myself alright there. Thanks if you read it through, and as I said before, feel free to follow up or elaborate on some ideas. There are oceans to discuss. <3

[holy-harkers-47]

clemmie headcanons !!!

according to cole, their laugh sounds like bells

tends to get very very cold very easily

^^ always has cold hands

friend of all bugs

used to do ballet, still dabbles in it sometimes

doesn't like their hair being touched, unless it's by cole or perrine. perrine bc they trust them, and cole bc they're very tender-handed, and knows how to be careful and gentle

loves loves loves sweets !!! esp pastries

loves humming to cole's guitalele

very close friends w/ perrine, tends to confide in them abt cole

doesn't cry easily, but will start sobbing if cole accidently hurts their feelings :[

tends to be a bit bratty due to their childhood, and being raised in a very rich household

'speaks to the wind' and 'sings to the mountains'

big fan of bows, ruffles, lace, bells, etc <3

is insanely flexible

always smells like wildflowers

^^ speaking of which, loves flowers- esp getting to braid cole's hair with them / tucking them into cole's shirts ( says it makes them look handsome <3 )

^^ they also regularly give cole flowers they think look pretty / neat (cole presses and dries them, and then puts them in their notebooks <33)

commonly gets dizzy / faint

paints / decorates cole's guitalele sometimes

loves tea parties. the others don't really like them, but they like clémmie to be happy, so they participate

collects stuffed animals ( esp ones with big black / brown eyes )

very very neat

occasionally goes nonverbal due to trauma

^^ uses sign language to communicate when this happens

likes to read in their free time, has a small library in their room

total hopeless romantic

often labeled as a 'child prodigy' or 'artistic / musical genius'

hates eating meat. diet is mostly made up of fruit, pasta, cheese, and bread, but they will eat other things if offered ! only dietary restriction is meat

their name, clémentine, means merciful or gentle :]

first language is french ! they tend to forget some english words, and asks perrine what the word is ( perrine learned french for them <3)

cannot go an hour without chapstick. hates hates hates having dry lips

^^ same goes for lotion. hates having dry skin, so they always carry a small tube with them ( for themselves + the rest of the lark )

loves their nose and smile !!! makes them feel different and pretty :]]

has a very small appetite. usually only finishes one plate, or less than one. offers the rest of their food up, mostly taken by cole or kingsley. kingley will take it without thinking twice, but cole typically hesitates ; "are you okay ? are you sure i can have this ?"

loves loves loves making desserts, esp for cole !

not a morning person. loves their beauty sleep

huge fan of people watching and bird watching

^^ has a huge window on the wall their bed is pushed up against, so they can watch the others (if they're out) or the birds before getting up !

all of their shoes (aside from the ones they usually wear) are mary janes

prefers fem / neu compliments (ex. beautiful, pretty, etc.)

painted / sculpted all of their masks

curls their hair around their fingers when anxious

has extreme hair shrinkage, and when they fully stretch their hair out, it goes down to about their mid back

cole knows origami, and makes clémmie lots of little origami animals

daydreams a lot

gives out kisses / affection to the rest of the lark. lots of forehead / cheek / hand kisses + cuddles to everyone who wants em

is 4'11, 5'0 with their shoes on.

affectionate headbutts.

caution ; slight angst below !!

is used to being dehumanized / treated like an object due to their parents and childhood

^^ father generally treated them as a muse for his dolls, as well as treating them similarly to a doll ( dressing them up in lace / ruffles / bows / etc., and being extremely paranoid about clémmie's 'fragility' )

mother always put them on a pedestal and showed them off, as well as making efforts to keep clémmie quiet ( essentially making sure they knew that they didn't have their own feelings / thoughts )

doesn't like the words 'ladybug,' 'bumblebee,' or 'butterfly' as nicknames, esp when referring to them. all three are nicknames their dad had for them :[

^^ on a similar note, doesn't like being compared to dolls. (ex. 'you're pretty as a doll', referring to them as 'doll,' etc.)

more may be added later (might be in a reblog, might be just editing this post ! <3)

. * ° 🐇 🪕 🌾 ° * .

!! before commenting / tagging on this post, please know that clémentine uses neutral pronouns, and she / her or he / him pronouns are not appreciated when referring to them !! :[

[nuka]

I think what makes Our Flag Means Death so remarkable in terms of representation is not just the broadness of it, but the depth.

We have an indigenous lead character, but he's not only that. He's also queer. He's a romantic interest. He's middle-aged. His arc portrays surviving trauma and abuse. It also portrays mental illness. And it portrays breaking free from toxic masculinity. And it never tries to put him in a box when he explores his masculinity and femininity.

We have a non-binary character, played by a Puerto Rican NB actor, but their arc is not about their gender identity and their coming out is simply a case of "Just keep calling me Jim". They have a romantic/sexual relationship with a black character, and never is this relationship or either of their sexual orientations or Olu's sex appeal as a fat person or "who even is the man in this relationship hahaha" questioned. When they get into a poly relationship, it's just accepted, instead of questioned or even defined.

These are just a couple of examples. It's not that Our Flag Means Death is the only or the first show with queer/BIPOC/disabled representation, because it's not. What makes the show remarkable is the unique combination of queerness, ethnicity, age, disabilities, life experiences, etc. that each character carries within themselves, yet none of these characters exist solely to appear as representation of any minority on screen. Their identities are not glued onto them, they're ingrained, but in the end, they're just people. Just like in real life. Identities do not work as plot points. Being queer is not a plot point. Being non-binary is not a plot point. It's just a small part of the whole complex experience of life.

OFMD is a perfect example of telling a queer story that doesn't focus on telling a story directly about the queerness itself. Because we have stories about queerness already. We have so many of them that it just feels like tokenism at this point to see yet another story about coming out or forbidden love or anything like that, even if it's well made.

This show took me by surprise with every new way of representation it offered, because each time it did the total opposite of what I expected. It took all the tired tropes and said, "Yeah, see these? We're not gonna do any of that." It delivered something I never thought I'd see on screen.

It never explains the characters' identities to the audience. It simply shows them exactly the way they are and lets you decide whether you see yourself in them, and I think that also allows the audience to question their own identities, to explore gender and sexuality freely without immediately putting labels on things.

People who never thought they might be trans or non-binary or queer in any way discovered their identities through the show. People who struggle with mental illness or trauma saw someone like themselves portrayed with kindness and respect on screen and were finally able to extend the same kindness to themselves. People who are always left out of romantic stories because of their age or body shape or the color of their skin finally saw themselves portrayed as desirable and worthy of love and romance.

That is why so many of us feel that, in the words of Ruibo Qian: "OFMD woke me up."

[love-byers]

I was never on board for m*leven as a ship because of season 1, what do you mean you’re gonna throw a super powered girl, who escaped from a lab, that knows nothing about the world into a romance???

It’s not healthy for her, she didn’t even know who she is as a person and only started exploring her identity season 2 on wards. Idk the shop never sat right with me because of that.

yep i 100% agree and i was only 12 when s1 came out

byler was not even in my stratosphere when i first saw s1, and i felt the same. completely honestly, i was hoping mike would be gay just because at the time i was tired of straight people and just wanted some queer rep. idk why i picked mike but i did lol

but i got over that quick and didn't hate mlvn or anything, i thought they were cute. but still i felt like their kiss came out of nowhere, like it genuinely shocked me. and i really don't know why, but i just didn't like the scene. something just felt off about them.

and overall i felt the same, that el literally knew nothing about the world or relationships and was jumping into a romantic relationship after being free for a week. it just didn't feel healthy. and at the time, i didn't like the scene where el asked mike if she was still pretty. i mean im not saying HORRIBLE TOXIC ABUSIVE like of course its not that, but in the long run for their relationship i just didn't like it. i didn't think el seeking validation from mike like that was setting up a long healthy relationship. like we see el see nancy's picture and call her pretty, and later she goes in nancy's room and looks at all her pictures from throughout her life, and it makes her sad. she wants to feel that way--like a normal, pretty girl.

then when mike dresses her up to go to the school, she feels pretty. she asks mike if she looks pretty, and he says yes. she's seeking validation from him. and later when her wig gets messed up and she looks at herself in the waters reflection and tries to put it back on, it infuriates her, because she doesn't feel pretty anymore. and when she sees mike again, she once again seeks out the validation. she was worried that mike wouldn't think she was pretty anymore. it really makes me think that el did not love mike, or the other way around. she latched onto him because he was the first person to show her kindness and make her feel normal. they kissed after a WEEK. thats not love, thats attachment. jumping into a relationship because of complex trauma and attachment without having time to consider their actual compatibility as a couple.

and yes yes yes i know they're 7th graders, they're not going to be perfect, but this is a television show. we only get to see a sliver of these relationships in the long term, so what we do see needs to be building them up and making them likable. there is no time to break them down and build them up again. thats just not how you write a love story.

[rouecentric]

AAAAA okay, so I saw that your requests are open... (this is my first time requesting anything so im a bit nervous)

about your post with the lante x grandkid!reader, IT WAS SO GOOD, and yes, i totally understand the family's shock about lante doting on his grandkid. this is the same man who established that familial love is unnecessary, was it not?

we got lante's perspective of his grandkid... but what about the other family members? will they like the grandkid as well? or will they be indifferent / dislike them?

(this is a bit wordy im sorry ☠️)

how would the agriche family react to grandchild!reader being doted on by lant agriche? / headcanons, death, typical things you'd expect from a fic that's about the agriche family, gn!reader.

THE agriche's reactions are mixed, honestly, and they thought that dion having a child was enough of a shock, so to have grandchild!reader being doted on by the lante agriche would mean that the usual "balance" (or what was left of it) in the family would no doubt be thrown out the window.

there would most likely be more hatred and indifference than adoration when it comes to the grandchild, especially once they start taking on some of lante's traits as well, but some of the only people that i could see liking the grandchild no matter what would honestly be maria and sierra, as they most likely took on the role of a maternal figure in the grandkid's life since their mother died while giving birth.

roxana, as obvious as it is, would most likely resent the reader because of how doting lante is when it comes to them, especially since not only did they automatically gain lante's favor, but they also are the child of dion, her brother's murderer. however, she might open up to the reader and eventually get along with them if the reader doesn't exactly idolize the agriche head because of his actions, hell, she might even use the reader against lante.

jeremy's neutral when it comes to the grandchild, honestly, he probably never personally met the child more than twice on his own volition, since he would rather cling to his half sister than interact with some snotty baby. but there is a chance that he would have more encounters with the grandchild once they're around four to seven years old.

grizelda.. it's hard to say on whether or not she likes the kid, really, but the grandchild would most likely idolize her, and grizelda is at least a bit kinder at first when it comes to the kid, so the two of them would possibly be close, with the grandchild seeking out the older woman's attention or help.

however, charlotte hates you without any doubt. charlotte doesn't like you because of how easily you get lante's favor and attention, causing her to usually harass you without lante usually knowing, but she does bite back her tongue whenever there are other people present, however, she mellows out when she's older, and there's a slight chance for her to apologize! but don't get your hopes up, because she's stubborn as hell.

fontaine despises you, as you were not only lante's favorite in th family, but also because your birth reinforced dion's position on the top three candidates for being the future head of the agriche dukedom. hell, he isn't even above trying to get you killed, since all is fair in this household that didn't have any morals, no?

dion, your father, was indifferent towards you, he didn't really care for your mother, either, since it was an arranged marriage orchestrated by lante himself for his own benefit. sure, he may have taken care of you in his free time, but his emotional baggage and childhood trauma definitely wouldn't have made him a good father, most likely being emotionally neglectful, even if he sometimes doesn't mean to be distant.

[reason-with-the-underdog]

highkey tho cyno & kaveh's friendship is my favorite

1) when kaveh is like "i won the interdarshan competition and all i got was massive trauma, a concussion, & this rare TCG card. hey cyno, you wanted this right?"

cyno: wait but this is rare 🥺🥺🥺 kaveh: eh i dont need it and then cyno is like "yo. srs tho. ARE YOU OK?? i will help you"

LIKE SWEETIE.... and then him giving kaveh mora which kaveh immediately spends on a fancy meal out for the family

at this point cyno doesn't know about kaveh's bankruptcy and tbh im not sure he ever finds out?

2) THE POST-COMPETITION MEAL WHERE EVERYONE JUST MAKES FUN OF KAVEH FOR TALKING ABOUT ALHAITHAM SO MUCH....

kaveh & cyno are both so earnest like neither of them should be sarcastic they're not good at it 😭😭😭

KAVEH GENUINELY THOUGHT CYNO WAS WARNING HIM ABOUT ALHAITHAM'S PRESENCE

anyways kaveh in his voiceline about cyno says that he needs a beer before cyno's jokes but that means he DOES like them sometimes

3) the fact that cyno had a bad impression of alhaitham pre-AQ bc he only knew of alhaitham from hearing kaveh rant to tighnari & collei about his insufferable roommate (& maybe seeing their message board debates)

& being the sweetheart that he is, he's going into this thinking

"that's him. that's the man who stole the show from my carefully planned jokes at dinner the other night by being terribly annoying to kaveh. apparently he doesn't put away his books??? which is a serious trip hazard actually. i'm on my guard 👁️👁️"

and then in classic alhaitham fashion, alhaitham makes a horrid first impression (he would rather make zero impression at all, thank you)

like of course cyno & alhaitham are naturally suspicious of each other bc of their akademiya affiliations but like STILL

it brings me much joy to know that before they became genuine friends (going from "nodding at each other in passing on the street" to "we always go to the tavern to celebrate" 🥺)...

cyno was primed to dislike alhaitham bc "you seem to upset kaveh??? so i dont think i like you"

i think cyno listened to kaveh rant about alhaitham's latest injustices (he took kaveh's favorite house slippers) and took them very seriously

look at how upset kaveh is when recounting them!! clearly kaveh is truly upset & this alhaitham fellow must be a real problem

like at that point i dont think kaveh & cyno were all that close? they met through tighnari but kaveh was pretty busy before finishing the palace & afterwards he managed to keep his bankruptcy a secret from cyno

but still cyno was already kinda protective of kaveh & his feelings

4) basically i think its amazing that if you cross kaveh, not only do you have kaveh's temper to worry about

..but also you have the legendarily scary & imposing general mahamatra himself on your tail... (+ the grand scribe & the general watchleader & lambad & half of sumeru city)

5) tl;dr is kaveh & cyno are both extremely earnest people who are very intense about their chosen professions and have very strong hyperfixes/hobbies

which can lead to miscommunication bc they take each other too srsly and then have to backpedal/explain BUT STILL THEYRE SO GOOD!!!

& i love that there's no judgement from each other

kaveh isn't all "wow cyno's love for tcg is so weird/too nerdy" instead he says "oh i got the prize my friend wanted, lets give it to him free"

while cyno's just like "ok kaveh your life is a mess but its a life you chose so 👍"

[whoppert]

I have a WIP fic for this but just in case it rots in my computer (pls don't steal it)

Unasended Astarion, who frees the vampire spawn and follows them to the Underdark at the end of the game

at first he's paralyzed by depression that he's stuck here in the dark. it's not fair (it really isnt) but over time he realises that the spawn have made a little community and they consider him a... folk hero????

He's shocked and they're like obviously u r a hero, u freed 7000 slaves and killed their master like how much more hero do you get? They give him big fancy titles and he LOVES that - Astarion Breaker of Chains, Freedom Giver, Protector of the Helpless, Light in the Darkness.

He doesn't really believe them (he certainly doesn't tell them how close he got to killing them all) but he'll let them sing his praises.

This sends him into a further depression spiral because this was his fault, he brought these people to Cazador, he's the reason they were enslaved in the first place. He really has to learn to regulate his emotions and process things in a healthy way and for the first time he has more than just his friends but a whole town's worth of people to help him. They're particularly sympathetic to his brand of trauma and help him feel less alone.

Only eventually he starts believing them. Why can't he be a hero?

Overtime he starts to really care about this little community :) he's the defacto leader (even tho he hates that) and so any issues are his to deal with. I like to think they build a town in the Underdark and Astarion's familiarity to the Myconids means they help (they could not give two shits about spawn in the Underdark because they don't eat mushrooms). He and his siblings council the feral spawn until they learn to control themselves, teaching them that it's their decision if they want to feed on animals or people but there are strict rules about what people they can feed on (mostly bad people but there is no short supply of horny drow that are willing to be fed on). When threats come to the village, Astarion is leading the charge against their enemies (not everyone is pleased to have the spawn in the Underdark even if they are being pretty responsible about it). He's learning about Gur culture from the child spawns and learns the error of his racist ways.

Eventually, he becomes the Folk Hero.

He negotiates freedom for Underdark Gnomes ('Do you want 7000 Vampire Spawns let loose in Menzoberranzan? Cause I'll release them. Free your slaves or I'll have my children bring me the heads of all the Great Drow Houses.')

He works with Gale to enchant their little town to have a day/night cycle (it's not sunlight, just light because he misses it) and the City of Spawn is the only place in the entirety of the Underdark you can feel the warmth of the 'sun' on your skin

His friends come to visit and he is so changed for the better. He's happy, he's joyful. He no longer worries about spending eternity alone. He reclaimed his soul, something he thought lost to Cazador entirely

In 1000 years the Underdark is a fundamentally better place - all because he's there

[ninainthetardis]

⚠️⚠️⚠️ HoFaS spoilers ⚠️⚠️⚠️

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Be warned, this is going to be a rant.

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Ok, the HoFaS crossover was supposed to be exciting, but it ended up being another trigger topic for me thanks to the obnoxious N.esta stans who never hold her accountable for her wrong choices and always pick on the characters who stand up to her/call her out on her crap.

The thing is, I didn't even dislike her in this crossover, but I swear the moment her stans open their mouth, I go straight back to hating her. I don't even know how it is possible to be so clouded that they can't see/recognise when she's wrong or the hurt she causes/her actions may cause to other people. How they can always defend her without considering any other perspective/logic and proceed with the slander of any character that does not share her ideas or approve of her actions. Or how they demand respect for her trauma while ignoring/invalidating the one she inflicted to others.

The point in this case is: giving Bryce the mask WAS a dumb, rushed, risky choice. Stop ranting and insulting Rhys for his reaction, he was bloody RIGHT (also, Azriel was on that line too, why isn't he an asshole too?). I thought that immediately, even before reading the bonus chapter. You're even bashing Cassian for not defending her, as if she wasn't gambling with everyone's life because she somewhat liked Bryce and understood her desperate situation. Which could be admirable if it wasn't a lot hypocritical of her, considering that she barely moved a finger to help win their war against Hybern. And about that: isn't it time to wake up? It was Elain to end the King, N/esta just cut his head off once the hard part was done. And on top of that, both her and Cassian would be as good as dead without Elain's intervention. But why am I even bothering to talk about this...

And by the way, to those hating on Cassian, now here's a flash news: you do not have to defend your partner if you think they are wrong. It doesn't mean you don't love them, acting like the significat other is always right is not how support looks like. And N.esta can clearly speak for herself, maybe even too much, and with too much entitlement. You don't want to respond of your actions to Feyre and Rhys? Well, fucking leave the Night Court already! They're its rulers!!!

And Bryce's mom was the other one being totally out of line and acting entitled tbh and quite rude. I mean, you are in another world, in which your daughter made mess after mess, with people you need something from whether you like it or not, people you don't know and you talk that way? Not every bloody Fae is the Autumn King or the Avallen King! Someone really has to tell her AND Bryce, given that she passed that bias toward the entirety of the species to her. Generalisation is always wrong. And also, you know, it's a matter of good manners, and that issue was really none of her goddamn business. She could've spoken on N/esta's behalf using different tones, and it would have been a lot different.

Now, let's get back at the mask thing.

Honestly, I get that I was supposed to root for Bryce in this one, but she made it quite difficult for me when all she did in Prythian was putting that world in a danger she was very aware of. Like freeing an Asteri on Prythian soil, as if Vesperus would ever tell Bryce how to kill her own species. I get she was desperate, but it was just dumb and egoistic of her to do that, to risk to bring the same evil that plagues her world into another one, especially when there was no guarantee (quite the opposite actually) that by doing that she'd get the answers she was looking for.

Bryce had no reason to trust them, and they had no reason to trust her as well. Had Bryce failed, the consequences of giving her the mask would have been catastrophic. And I am not even going to mention Nyx's safety as a reason for Rhys to be pissed at N/esta. Rhysand and Feyre are responsible for the whole Night Court. And in this case, the whole of Prythian, AGAIN. There is a reason if they're the ones in charge, position that actually includes putting your people first and being able to make hard choices, even if they are morally grey choices, to protect their people. N.esta doesn't have such responsibility, and thankfully so because she would be terrible in that position. Moreover, they've just come out of a war, for Rhysand it was the second war he fought and after 50 years of UTM... but of course, why would N.esta care? She was somewhere safe almost the entirety of the time while Feyre - who died to save the very same world N.esta was endangering with her choice - was out fighting for everyone's safety. I am honestly shocked by how people refuse to even consider Rhysand's perspective, at least on this one. As if he knew Bryce and what she was capable of (and as if the whole resolution in CC wasn't due to pure luck, anyway) and have the slightest idea she might succeed. Also, Bryce had 10 other ways to manage the whole situation differently. Had she cooperated a little instead of proving to be a loose cannon, she might have had the chance to actually GET their help without having to take it by stealing and endangering Prythian. Trust goes both ways. They could have found a common ground or made a deal that ensured Prythian's safety and at the same time help Lunathion. Rhys and Feyre are sensitive to people who are suffering and would do something about it. There was no need to endanger Prythian in the process. But 1. They would've stolen the show and 2. Bryce's the one who left Baxian and Fury in Avallen or didn't think of calling Jesiba during the final battle against the Asteri, why would she think that someone as powerful as Rhysand and as knowning as Amren could be helpful anyway 🙄 her "Aelin wanna be" era failed miserably because she actually didn't have the skills, the drive, the strategic thinking and the experience to be like her, despite the efforts. But Bryce is a topic for another day.

This is my tea for today. It's been a year I'm part of this fandom and I've tried so hard not to rant/write about acotar just to avoid the toxic part of this fandom, but hey, patience has its limits, this is still my space and seeing all that "everyone" slander from the pro N.esta for no logical reason really got on my last nerve at this point.

[priestly-prince]

Honestly, it never really dawned on me how heartbreaking the Garcia ending to chapter 3 is when you think about it.

Like, look at it from Lisa's point of view. You've lost your family, and all you really have is one other friend who you grow up with, and go through a huge amount of trauma. You're the only survivors of literal child sacrifice, and you've been changed in a way that nobody else will ever understand.

But you grow up. You become adults. And as soon as you're free, you run as far away from the place, the institution that hurt you. But he doesn't. He goes back, right into the gates of hell, as far as you're concerned. You go your separate ways, but try to keep in touch at least. Maybe your paths will cross again.

But then one day, he disappears. You might not even know why. He just stops talking to you. You hear he got married, to someone else. Someone who could never understand what he's lived through. Not like you. Maybe you never thought of him that way before, but you are now. You wonder if you could have done more to stay with him. Maybe it was your fault for letting him go alone.

Then things start happening to you again. Those familiar robes, that strange sensation crawling in the back of your mind. They're coming for you. To finish what they started. And he's the only one who will understand, and you beg him to help. And he does. You haven't seen him since you were children, and you haven't read his words in years, but he's here.

And maybe it means nothing. You let him go, he's needed elsewhere, not now you know he's there. You've reached him, after years of trying, you finally got through. You have a window of hope. And so you chase him. Maybe this time you can help him. You can be together, how you were at the start. You can find your answers together and maybe you can finally rest.

But he leaves again, once more walking straight back into hell, a fight he may never truly win. But maybe he does. Maybe he finally gets his answers. But do you? Who fights for you? Where is your closure? Because it isn't with him.

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Ever since I saw that you like zhongtham... the idea has been living rent free on my head, thanks for build this roman empire in my brain lmao so...... TELL ME MORE, what are your thoughts on their relationship? how the people around them react to their relationship??

(of course, only if you want to, I hope you have a nice day!!)

oh god

ultimately i think what they both need is understanding? in the sense that- both have very specific experiences in their day-to-day lives that aren't exactly the common shared experience between most other people. zhongli is a fucking eons-long being and alhaitham is not neurotypical. like he's autistic, idk how else we want to put it, that's what he is. zhongli, meanwhile, by virtue of not being a human and not having a strictly human way of processing the world, cannot be autistic since- again, not human. but this does make him autistic-coded, if that makes any sense. my man despises slimy foods on the basis of the texture (yes, this comes from trauma, but what bothers him is still the texture. that's coding). he's not human so he has different sensory experiences, probably more acute than humans. he's been described as a blockhead. he seems like he'd have a very specific routine he follows. he's very exacting on his field of expertise. the whole 'haha no mora no wallet' situation comes from the fact that his brain is still logically thinking he can just make mora (which, given everything, is a perfectly valid thing to still be hung up on), and so he forgets his money because his mind insists the way of the world is that he can just make it - but he can't anymore, and for an arbitrary reason, too. he's the literal god of contracts: what are contracts if not a parameter of very logical pre-established rules you have to follow? and he doesn't bend on those contracts, because he's of the mindset that if you made them in the first place, you knew what you were getting into, so what's the problem. all combined, and added with the fact that he's not human, and you cannot call him neurotypical. because he just does not function to match human standards of what 'neurotypical' even is.

so like- we don't know that they've met in canon, but we have decent reason to believe it's a very real possibility. the same way you could say gaming and ganyu have probably either met or seen each other at least once despite neither ever mentioning the other or appearing together on screen, because- well, he handles a delivery agency, she works for the qixing, they live in the same city, they're both familiar with cloud retainer, ganyu moves around a lot and knows a lot of people, and gaming seems pretty social. you get what i mean, right? in that same sense, i think it's perfectly possible for alhaitham and zhongli to have met at some point. granted nowhere near as probable as two people actually living in the same city, but notable enough nonetheless: alhaitham knows twenty languages, for that quota to exist i have to assume that each nation has at least their own unique language (since they all seem to speak the same thing in-game, tho, i can only translate that as all nations having their unique writing script- which they do). idk how many languages you could pull out of regional dialects in teyvat, but the most logical and easiest and obvious thing to do here if you were told to go learn 20 languages to graduate is to first go for the main most spoken languages and then fill in the gaps w regional dialects or more obscure no-longer-spoken ancient dialects. so we stand to reason alhaitham must know liyuean (?) right? and unless he learned it from within the confines of sumeru (which is possible tbf), then he must've traveled to liyue in order to learn the damn language. with liyue having quite the decently-preserved history, he might've picked other regional dialects up since they'd be easier to study next to like- idk, an obscure old language from mondstadt or smth. so if you're a student in liyue on a quest for knowledge trying to learn the language and possibly other obscure dialects, who are you going to go after? fellow scholars. what do all fucking scholars in liyue do when people have highly-specific needs and questions? point to fucking zhongli. so you get where the idea comes from. you can't tell me its completely implausible (for a headcanon) for zhongli and alhaitham to have met at some point, not the same way i'd raise eyebrows at like- headcanoning candace and zhongli having met based solely on in-game info. or- ei and sigewinne. y'know?

so like- alhaitham needs to learn liyuean (+ maybe other regional dialects bc 20 sounds like quite a lot for 7 nations, 8 if you count khaenri'ah), he goes to liyue, he gets to learning and then runs into the roadblock of not many scholars being familiar enough with ancient dialects for him to become fluent in them from their input alone, so the scholars are like 'yeah dw we know a guy, he's super knowledgable' and so they point him to zhongli, zhongli is like 'yea sure i can teach you, what do you need?'. idk how long it'd take alhaitham to learn liyuean (+ whatever else), but i'd assume he'd bunker down in liyue for most of that time. so let's say like- 6 months, and it counts as like a 'foreign languages' course where haravatat students get given money and are shipped off to learn (bear in mind 6 months sounds like stupid little to become fluent in an entire language let alone possibly a few others, but we'll just assume alhaitham is a prodigy (he seems to be) + since it's not a whole language and just a script, then it can be done).

so he stays in liyue for a while. i'd guess learning from zhongli most of that while. they're two guys who like peace and quiet and reading and investigating and they're both rather knowledgable (the gap is obviously abyssmal but still). you can imagine them just- going to a tea house and sitting down with tea for hours on end in amiable silence and quiet grammar exercises. i cannot see them not getting along. alhaitham is practical and so is zhongli, zhongli has a lot to say but it's always with purpose and informative and for a reason, and alhaitham is just happy to absorb knowledge. alhaitham is effective and to the point and zhongli (a battle general) would probably be perfectly happy rolling with it and being effective and to the point in turn. maybe they start having lunch together some days (zhongli does seem to do that with acquaintances a lot so it's not strange of him) and alhaitham just doesn't want any stewy soups and zhongli doesn't question it bc he's the one asking chef mao to dice and slice his fish into oblivion. sumeru is big on spices so alhaitham would probably have no problems whatsoever w the jueyun chilli. he'd also probably pick up on using chopsticks easily enough bc he's a perfectionist. zhongli would realise like two seconds into their introductions that alhaitham can hear him perfectly loud and clear w the headgear on and never bother commenting on it at all. alhaitham would also probably clock zhongli's more acute senses two seconds in and be relieved he doesn't have to raise his voice around people for no reason all the time. catch the patrons at the tea houses being confused and mildly unsettled by the two guys on the corner table just mumbling stuff to the other with a pile of books between them lmao

i cannot see their relationship being like- exciting in the sense that big shocking things happen. i just think they're both too smart and good at communicating w each other that shit like that just wouldn't catch them off guard. alhaitham would probably hear about legends of the adepti throughout his stay in liyue and quietly figure mr zhongli might be an adeptus but never bother saying anything because why should he care about what mr zhongli is? it's not his business, and it doesn't make him not-mr zhongli. so it's whatever. i also don't think any drama would pop up 🤷‍♂️ again they're too smart and hypercompetent for any misunderstandings to appear. by virtue of both of them being non-neurotypical they'd also understand each other in particular ways, so they'd easily be able to figure out any stuff and sand off any rough edges. it wouldn't be an exciting ship, it wouldn't be a ship full of ups and downs and drama and twists and turns and spice and oh the romance of it all. they both strike me as ace af and if not aro then absolutely somewhere in the spectrum, alhaitham more than zhongli.

but i'm an absolute sucker for non-verbal comunication and quiet understanding and an almost telepathic camraderie that would be so funny from the outside so i just think they'd be a delight. like the perfect team. they get each other, they're both smart, they're both strong (again, the gap is abyssmal). absolute academic weapons the both of them. catch someone being an ass about a contract and zhongli just staring disappointed and alhaitham next to him equally disappointed but listing off every single reason why they're being stupid about it also. zhongli's a bit too nice to say any of that stuff aloud but you can't tell me he wasn't running a constant 'chat are you seeing this shit?' in his head during his first story quest w kliment. alhaitham knows he's already got the 'freak' reputation so he just goes 'well if you want to keep digging i'm happy to hand you a shovel'.

as for other characters' reactions to them- i'd have to sit and think about them? idk how the liyue gang would react bc idk how they'd work in a canon setting? i can't see zhongli leaving liyue and i can't see alhaitham leaving sumeru either. if i had to pick one, alhaitham seems more likely for like- leave sumeru for plot reasons. and then go 'okay fuck this' and go to zhongli like 'you're the only bitch i respect in this house'. but outside of plot contrivances, hu tao does send zhongli off on random errands? so maybe he could pop up in sumeru from time to time. idk how the liyue gang would get to meet alhaitham then but if there is one character that absolutely gets to meet zhongli is kaveh bc the man is almost everywhere alhaitham is + they literally live together.

i think it would be fucking hilarious. like alhaitham: oh yeah a friend is coming over btw. don't be weird about it kaveh: why would i be weird about it what are you on kaveh: ... kaveh: ... kaveh: a what alhaitham: a friend kaveh: what alhaitham: i don't think the bimarstan is open at this hour if you got something in your ear kaveh: what friend kaveh: you don't have friends kaveh: ...you can just say nilou alhaitham: ??? zhongli: hello kaveh: who- what. what- who are you alhaitham: a friend from liyue. the one i said was coming over. like five minutes ago kaveh: what zhongli: is he alright alhaitham: he's never been alright, dw about him. the study is this way

[queer-questions-and-polls]

Hi there, I'm afab and I've been questioning my gender for about the past year.

My question to you is - is it valid for your non binary identity to be linked to your trauma? (I'm really, really sorry for this long ask)

Ok, so I may be about to go on a massive tangent here. These past few months, I've basically done away with so much of what I thought I knew about myself. When I was a child, since as long as I can remember, I've felt like I needed to be feminine in my presentation. I've never felt like an innocent, carefree child, and I don't relate to trans people who say they felt free in their prepubescent body, and want to return to that androgyny, because never had that .

I'm also recently diagnosed autistic, and my masking goes really deep - as far as I can remember. It was really strange - it was like i kept femininity at an arm's length. For example, I would have a really strong aversion to the colour pink. But there were also really strict guidelines I put in place for myself, for example no boys clothing, no martial arts or football, even if I wanted to. I lived in another country for a while, and I had a really short haircut which I hated, and I would often get mistaken for a boy, and that would enrage me, because they were questioning my authenticity.

I don't think I ever wanted to be feminine, but I felt I had to be to protect myself.

And now, the societal expectations of girlhood quite literally make me feel sick when I think about me in those contexts. I don't think I want to be a girl, but it's not a choice I can make, right? Am I just a pick me girl with issues? Do I just have trauma, and is this something I need to fix, or am I allowed not to be a girl?

As for dysphoria, I have no idea if it's just poor body image, since I don't fit typical beauty standards. Do I hate my boobs because they're absolutely massive, or because they make me a girl (rhetorical question)?

You sound so much like me to be honest with you.

It's fine to go on a tengent <3

that's what I'm here for to listen and give advice/ tell you about a similar experience so no one feels alone.

I, as a child was strongly encouraged to be feminine & i felt like I needed to to be loved and safe, I hated pink & had big trauma from all male figures in my life who give me really poor body image issues that I still have to this day, because that I hated masculinity for a long time and myself to be female. I forced myself to get into dancing i started wearing make-up (I was 6 at that time)

I didn't get to be a Carefree child either, I also didn't have that. My androgyny went away at 2 years old.

The rules sound somewhat like me when I was refusing to question my gender.

Now to your final paragraph: you not wanting to be girl isn't you making a choice.

E.g: I don't want to be a girl I get dysphoria about being one.

the only choice being made there is about if transioning is right for you.

I have both dysphoria and poor body image (i wasn't conventionality attractive either) and to be honest with you I get that completely but I can tell you what I do personally to differentiate it. Which is thinking 'is this about my weight or looking to feminine?' But that probably won't work for everyone.

A pick me girl with issues? My dude. (Sorry if that wording brings any discomfort)

A pick me girl is someone looking for male validation and that doesn't sound like anything you've said at all. But if you mean a tomboy it really doesn't sound like that either.

Idk if this will help but I also have massive boobs, and by observing my mother who is the same size as me i figured something something out: women with big boobs typically hate them because of back problems & bra issues.

I, a transmasc just hate them in general as well as for outing me even in a binder and I wish they would disappear. My mother wishes hers were half their size.

Even if you your transness is linked to trauma does that make you less trans?

Also something else i would recommend that helped me is to imagine yourself as one of your friends and your trying to help them figure themselves out.

(Bassically look at yourself though an outside perspective it usually helps!)

I wish you good luck on your gender journey and I hope this helped you at least a little <3

And remember I'm just a stranger on the internet, you know you best so don't take my word as the gospel truth.