#doesn't matter how he viewed me. I felt like myself. and that means more than what he sees me as

[neverendingford]

.

[mamisfavmosher]

taunting call // poly!judgment day x fem!reader

SMUT - MINORS DNI

warnings: mommy k!nk, daddy k!nk, suggestive language, etc

summary: reader and Damien are waiting at a hotel for Rhea, Dom, and Finn to get back from Wrestlemania so they can celebrate.

Reader's POV

Rhea, Dom Dom, and Finn had all rightfully been given a match at Wrestlemania 39. All three of them fought hard for this opportunity, but ultimately felt guilty when they heard the news of Damien and I not sharing the spotlight with them. Both of us had missed our chances of going to Hollywood within our respective matches.

To make matters worse, Triple H had planned for Damien and I to do a promotional bit on the other side of the country, so we couldn't be in attendance to support the three superstars. We immediately flew out to California after we were done, but Wrestlemania was already half way over and the Judgment Day members had all gone through their matches. They were required to stay till the end of the event and join in at the after parties, so Damien and I had an extra day alone at the hotel before they got there.

We had been sunbathing by the pool for a few hours when Damien got the incoming facetime call on his phone, a goofy picture of Rhea popping up.

"C'mon, baby. Rhea's calling." With that said, I followed Damien over to our reserved cabana bed, happily lying down in the shaded area. "Hello?" He answered the phone.

"Hey! How's it going?" Rhea and Damien caught up on small talk before I heard her ask for me. "Where's my pretty girl?" I could hear the smirk in her voice.

"Right here! Hi, Mami!" I popped my head into the view of the camera and grinned at her.

"Hey, baby! How are you? You having fun with Damien?" She asked. I slightly scooted over so I was leaning on Priest's chest, more in view for Mami.

"I'm doing great, this place is so much fun! Damien got me like three slushies already!" I beamed and took a sip of the blue ice to emphasize my point. She chuckled as she watched me through the screen. "How was Wrestlemania? You totally kicked Charlotte Flair's butt!"

"It was amazing, and look-" She put the phone down for a second before picking it back up and showing off her new Smackdown Women's Championship. "Looks great on me, doesn't it?" She smirked. Damien and I both admired the new champion in all her glory.

"Fits you perfectly, Mami. We're so so proud of you." I smiled sweetly at her. "Oh! Tell Dom Dom and Finn that we're really proud of them, too! They fought their hardest." I moved off of Damien's chest and moved toward the pool to cool off again, faintly hearing Rhea ask where I went.

Damien flipped the camera so Rhea could watch me saunter over to the water, hiking up my bikini bottoms in the process.

"Priest!" She called out through the speaker. "You let her out of the room wearing that?" Damien chuckled as Rhea referred to my 'skimpier-than-usual' bikini.

"C'mon... You know I'm never one to tell her to put clothes on." He defended himself. "Besides, if you get here soon enough, you might still catch her in it." Damien smirked at Rhea through the phone.

"Damien, don't let her leave the pool area. We're on our way." With that said, Rhea yelled for Dom and Finn to hurry up before ending the call.

"Mami's on her way, princess." Damien smiled at me as I walked back over and snuggled into him on the bed. I gave him a big grin and slurped on some more of my slushy. "Which means I gotta enjoy my last few moments of having you to myself." He smirked, running his hand up and down my back and kissing my cheek.

"All yours, Daddy."

[salaimoi]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ Jealousy Jealousy ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

pairing: gojo satoru x fem! reader with superiority complex

synopsis: gojo won’t give up pursuing a one-night stand with you, but you’ve made it clear you’re not that type of girl; he only sees that as resolve to make you his.

content: light smut, jealousy, controlling tendencies, mentions of sexual themes.

wc: 2,790

No one ever understood your relationship with Gojo Satoru for multiple reasons. For starters, he was the Gojo Satoru, the strongest sorcerer alive and the most coveted man among the female populace. That said, who the hell were you and more importantly, how did you manage to become his girlfriend? These were the same two questions everyone who caught a glimpse of you two holding hands in public asked themselves without fail. You always overheard the murmurs; continuously noticed the stares, but you pretended you didn't.

After all, it was you who pleased him to his heart's content every night—not them. It was you who forced him to throw in the towel every so often because your hunger and desire were boundless when it came to Satoru. He always caved and satisfied you, even when he didn't have anything left in him anymore, but you always wanted more. Satoru adored that about you more than he'd ever like to admit.

He took pride in his ability to please women, always boasting that there wasn't a woman alive that could keep up with him to his friends. Until you came along. The moment he laid his cerulean colored eyes on you he had one single thought on his mind: “I'm going to ruin her.”

Boy was he wrong. Little did he know you were a scheming minx who prided herself in forcing men to bend to her will. You made this crystal clear when you two met as well.

Usually, any woman who even got as much as a glimpse of Satoru would go berserk. It was different with you though. No matter how much jewelry, money, expensive clothes, or other materialistic gifts he threw in your face, he could never manage to coax you into his arms.

You weren't a gold digger either; you simply had no interest whatsoever in men who flaunted their money to impress you. The only way to your heart was by being worshiped like the goddess you knew you were.

It wasn't like Satoru hadn’t been informed of this since the moment you became acquainted; he was merely putting it to the test. This was due to the fact that he had a hard time believing any woman could resist his charms and good looks, so he took it upon himself to prove you wrong.

“What do you mean you don't believe me?” you replied with a smug look.

“Yeah, I think you're full of shit. How do you continuously turn away a night filled with passion with someone like me every time I come over?” Satoru responded while flexing his muscles, his body leaning towards you so that you could get a clear view of his toned body.

You have had this conversation a million times before. He always came knocking at your door, letting himself in before you could even invite him inside. He would then begin offering you what he considered the deal of a lifetime: sex with him. You always said no, but in his head he must've heard, “Not right now; try again later, my beautiful blue-eyed king!”

“Someone like you? What do you mean by that?” you repeated in confusion.

“I mean someone as handsome as me—irresistible as well.” Satoru replied with a complacent grin on his face.

You rolled your eyes in annoyance, already knowing where this conversation was headed. “And? Just because you're attractive doesn't mean I'm gonna drop my panties at your beck and call. I value myself more than that— I don't know if you do.”

“Excuse me!? Are you calling me a man-whore??” he riposted with a stunned expression.

He couldn't believe she had the nerve to insult him in such a manner. It wasn't that he felt offended; if anything, he felt challenged by her remarks.

“Never did I use such a vulgar word when I answered you, ‘toru. If you're becoming this defensive it must be because you know my words hold some truth to them.”

Gojo remained silent for a moment. He knew both your comments were true but he would never admit it. All the attention he got from women was the food that fueled his ego. The fact that someone like you would defy him like this was only hurting his amour propre.

Why did she keep turning him down? Was it because his good looks were starting to fade away? No, that couldn't be it. He had just finished dicking down a girl he met for the first time an hour before he got here. He had only come over to your house right after because that interaction had him feeling invincible.

If he could sway a stranger into sleeping with him then why the hell couldn't he coax you into it as well? You were giving him a run for his money and he hated it. Still, that wasn't gonna stop him from pursuing you.

“Oh don't be like that, tell me what it is I need to do so you'll give me the time of day and I'll do it.” he responded with a dulcet tone, in hopes that his words would persuade you. He was internally kicking himself for even saying those words out loud.

“Why are you so obsessed with this whole thing? Are you trying to prove something to yourself by getting me into bed? I already told you it takes more than a silver tongue to make that happen.”

Gojo let out a sigh of disappointment laced with annoyance. His patience was languishing by the second but he knew that he had to get a clear answer out of her.

Deep down he knew she loved the cat and mouse game they had going on. If she didn't, she would've kicked him to the curb by now, but she kept him around despite his numerous failed attempts to pursue her.

He had tried everything: paying for her nail appointments, buying her pricey clothes and shoes, taking her to luxurious restaurants, and even gifting her the latest technology.

Even after all this, he always got turned down and he would sulk all the way back home like a wounded puppy with his tail between his legs. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't catching actual romantic feelings for you after spending so much time with you. In all actuality he had tried everything except one thing.

“Mmm—do I need to beg?” he asked in a defeated tone.

“Yes. On your knees actually.”

“You can't be serious.”

“Do I look like I'm joking?” you replied with a snarky tone. Your words did have some bantering undertones to them, but the only reason you said them was because you knew he would never beg. Maybe this way he'd finally give up trying to sweet talk you into a one-night stand with him.

“Oh my god. You're horrible for even suggesting something like that.”

“There's the door if my suggestion displeases you.”

“I didn't say I wasn't gonna do it.” he raked his hands through his lustrous white mane in frustration before continuing. “Damn it–you better not tell anyone about this!”

“Don't tell me what to do.” you retorted.

It seemed as if he was committed to begging after all. You weren't expecting it, but everyone has a breaking point after all. Now, if he was going to give you a show, you were sure to enjoy it and even store the video on your phone as memorabilia. You reached over to the back pocket of your denim jeans and pulled out your lilac pink-cased phone that Gojo himself gifted you not too long ago.

*ding* an ostentatious chime reverberated across the room as you pressed the record button on your phone. At least that's how Gojo discerned it as he stood there witnessing first hand how you continued to belittle him. As luck would have it, he found this utterly appeasing for some unknown reason.

“Damn–she really has no interest in sparing my feelings even after a year of us knowing each other.” he thought internally. He huffed a small breath through his nose before placing one knee firmly on the ground followed by the other.

His body almost seemed to be moving in slow motion as he processed what he was doing. He continued by pressing his palms together firmly in a begging gesture.

All of this was borderline ridiculous to him, but he had no room to complain after it was him who spent a year gifting her pretentiously exorbitant items to sway her. Gojo took one last deep breath before picking his head up and giving you a facial expression that pleaded for your approval.

“Please—may I have the pleasure of having you tonight? I would be the most exultant man on Earth if you would grant me this opportunity. I swear that I'll cherish it with every fiber in my body. I'll make it my mission to please you like no one ever has. Please grant this starving fool his only wish. I beg of you.”

The chime from your phone sounded once more as you ended the video, placing the phone into your back pocket once more. You let out a mischievous taunting grin as Gojo’s imploring declaration was exactly what you wanted to hear.

Seeing him on his knees and supplicating for your attention was everything you stood for. This was what you were put on this Earth to do.

However, as enticing as his words were, you weren't satisfied. Sure his commitment to the act was alluring, but you weren't a one-night stand girl. He was either fully committed to you or nothing.

“Nope—I don't do one-night stands, sorry.” you retaliated while looking down at him in a condescending manner.

“Then be my girlfriend.” he replied without hesitation. He picked himself up from the floor and walked towards you, meaning every word he said.

“I thought you didn't do relationships, Mr. Promiscuous.”

It was true. He never committed to relationships for more than half a year. Why did he have to constrain himself to one woman after all? He could have anyone he wanted so why settle?

At least that's what he thought before meeting you. Maybe it was your taunting nature, or your sense of superiority over him that drove him to defy this ideology within him.

“Fuck that—I don't want anyone else. I'll marry you right now if that will make you believe that I'm serious about this. I'm tired of the back and forth. Be mine and mine only for the rest of eternity.”

—

Not only had you procured his love and affection, but you also managed to unveil his jealous side along the way. Satoru swore he wasn't jealous; he was only looking out for his girlfriend. This was the same excuse he used over and over again due to the fact that admitting he was jealous would mean admitting he felt insecure.

He had fought tooth and nail to get you to say yes to being his girlfriend, almost milking his bank account dry along the way for you. Not that it inconvenienced him.

He wasn't about to let any peasant near you and let them think they had a chance with you. After all, he made himself believe that you looked a million times more alluring than you did before you guys met because of what he invested in you.

“I told you to stay the fuck out of my phone Satoru!” you spoke spitefully. This was the thousandth time you had to whisk your phone away from your boyfriend’s hands. No matter how many times he snooped through it and you lectured him, he wouldn't let the habit die.

Gojo rolled his cerulean eyes at you in vehement. He then crossed his arms as he sat on the white velvet sofa in your house, something he also paid for.

“Whatever. Don't think I didn't see that provocative picture in your camera roll that I haven't received yet. I better see it on my phone by the end of the day. Who the hell are you taking those for anyway??”

“You're so fucking insufferable. That was supposed to be a surprise for you later. You just spoiled your own gift you dumbass.”

Your boyfriend’s eyes widened in shock as he realized what he just did. All because of his inability to stay out of your phone. He swiftly got up from the couch and walked towards you from behind, placing his arms around your waist and swaying you side to side.

“Awww I can pretend I didn't see anything, pretty girl. You know I meant no harm.” his breath tickling your skin as he planted soft kisses on your neck. “What's this? You're not wearing the necklace I got you?”

“I sold it.” you retorted.

“Please, you'd never sell anything I ever gifted you. You still have the candy wrappers from the first candies I ever gifted you.”

“Shut up–I just let my friend borrow it for her date. I think I'll let her keep it.”

“And why is that?”

“Well~” you reply before turning your body around to face your boyfriend, placing your arms around his neck. “I think it's only fair you got me a new one after the stunt you pulled yesterday.”

Satoru knew exactly what you were talking about. You had gone out to lunch together and he pulled one of his jealous acts again. Except this time he did it in public, something you completely despised.

You didn't mind his proprietorial attitude towards you simply because he always atoned for it by fucking your brains out. You always went from shrieking his name in a reprimanding manner to moaning it in less than an hour.

Yesterday was different however, your male friend had approached you to say hi with no ill intentions. Howbeit, Satoru didn't feel the same way.

He felt like your “conversation” with your little friend was taking too long and that he was ogling you with prurient eyes.

After surmising this, he got up from his seat and dragged you out of the restaurant by your wrist. Your wrists aching in torture as his grasp prompted the diamond bracelet to dig into your skin. You knew the scene that would follow if you protested; you simply let him haul you to the car.

“Have you lost your fucking mind Satoru??” you jerked your arm back and massaged your throbbing wrist as he was opening the door to shove you inside. “I was having a conversation with my friend before you barbarically manhandled me, you dick.”

“Your friend clearly wanted more than just a conversation with you. Don't act dumb with me.” he retaliated.

Although he was livid, he knew not to ever maul you with such heedlessness, but this occasion was disparate from all the others. He vigorously jostled you into the car and slammed the door. Before you could even say anything, he hastened over to the driver’s side and situated himself behind the wheel. His seething expression felt as if you were the one in the wrong here. He was quite literally foaming at the mouth as he refrained from yelling at you.

The conversation only escalated from there until you demanded that he drop you off home. You didn’t speak to each other for the rest of the night—until he came over in the morning to pry into your phone.

Now you were here—coaxing him into buying you another necklace simply because you felt like it. All you had to do was bat your prepossessing eyelashes at him a few times; he always succumbed to your antics.

You bring your hands up behind his neck, slowly trailing them into his silky hair. A mischievous smirk emerging from your lips as you processed the notion of having the strongest sorcerer at the palm of your hands.

Satoru’s hand kept a light touch on your body as he trailed it to the side of your ribs, cupping your breasts amorously as you stood in front of him. His hands groping the fat in your boobs ardently. It had been weeks since you last handed your body over to him; he had only himself to blame for that, his demanding behavior was beginning to irk your nerves. Seeing you in that low-cut lace satin shirt only aggrandized his sexual appetite for you. He had to feel you tighten around him no matter the cost. He’d even settle with fingering you at these altitudes.

“For you, I’d purchase the entire jewelry store, princess.” he finally answered.

He had actually attempted that on multiple occasions, but you always stopped him.

“Tell me what it is your heart desires and I’ll arrange for it.”

ꨄauthors notes: hihi! this is my first time ever writing a fanfic feel free to leave any constructive feedback! hope you enjoyed <33

[scarfacemarston]

Reader Comes Out as Ace to Bucky

(Anddddd Bucky kind of comes out as ace, too? I Hc him as Demisexual, which is on the ace spectrum, but feel free to hc differently!) Here are more ace headcanons here! Sam introduced the two of you, and you struck up a slow friendship. He wasn’t the easiest man to get to know, but you knew there was more to him than he let on. Soon, that trust and friendship turned into something more, and now, you were quite pleased to say that James Buchanan Barnes was your partner.

The day had come for you to explain your ace identity. The subject would come up at some point, but you decided to get it over with.

"The Talk" with Bucky went better than you ever hoped for. Would a man like Bucky Barnes be able to truly understand you, your identity, and your needs? It turned out he could in a lot of ways. 

At first, Bucky appeared hurt - but not for the reason you thought. He thought you heard the rumors about him before the war and was worried you'd think he was only interested in sex.

"I may have been a bit of a flirt and a ladies' man, but I wasn't sleeping with every person I saw, you know. People had this expectation and view that I'm out to have sex with everything that moves. I wasn't. I took gals out." Bucky paused,

"...And a few men , we made out or necked. A few I slept with , but I was always clear in what my expectations were. I never promised to be someone's best guy if I didn't mean it. I wasn't a playboy like Stark," Bucky huffed.

"I'm sorry, it's somethin' from the old days that used to bother me, and I guess it still does. It's not who I was then and it's not how I am now. Even if I did sleep around, why does that matter? I'm sorry. This is about you, I suppose I just wanted to say that I'm not some sex fiend that wants you for your body. I want you for you. I didn't grow to trust a body, I grew to trust a person."

You couldn't help but embrace him, which he firmly returned. You could tell something else was on his mind. You squeezed him in reassurance. He sighed.

"And now, well, now it's not something I want. All these hook up apps, that seems to be the only way to meet people and it just doesn't feel right. I mean, they're strangers! If someone wants to do that, that's their business and more power to them, but for me? I can't do it. I just can't. I have too many trust issues and any time I've thought of sex, there's no spark. I don't feel anything."

Bucky paused once again.

"Maybe I'm just like you? Or at least a little bit?" Bucky asked.

"You can be whatever and whoever you want, Bucky. That's the beauty of today. You don't have to hide anymore no matter the gender of who you love or how you love them. But I have to say, two ace people finding each other, imagine that. I can't think of a better relationship", you sighed, relieved. Bucky laughed softly.

"I suppose that does take some pressure off of me. It makes me feel ….different, but I suppose I am pretty different. I'm a 100 year old former assassin, for God's sake."

"I've always felt different, too. I always felt I was broken, or messed up or like I was too much of a prude. Everytime I told someone, they left me. It's been hard to let people in. I was so anxious to tell you. I'm so lucky to have you in my life, I didn't want to risk losing you, but I have to be myself, too." You explained. Bucky held you close.

"Of course. I wouldn't expect anything else. It's hell to live a lie. I think Steve was similar to you in a lot of ways when it comes to this sort of thing. I supported him and I sure am going to support you, too. But you're not messed up, or broken. To hell with those who made you feel that way. I'm sorry. However, you have me now, for what that's worth, Y/N." Bucky muttered.

You kissed his cheek before smiling warmly.

"Always". You whispered.

[yourlocalstranger123]

@junejunejun

—The post—

I totally understand your pain. Your fav character not having enough fics of them in this app? Absolute pain. Also! Spoiler alert❗️ there's gonna be 2 readers together 😘🥰 (totally not because idk which 2 gender of readers u wanted)

This is kinda sh- bad.

Note: I do not proof read so if I miss-spell something or like instead of saying her/he or she/him and saying "you" Please do correct me.

Male reader is either taller or stronger than itto. Just wanted to point out

DNI MINORS. Of course, if u are one and still read it; I won't stop you, but you can't blame me. <3 Also, I still don't completely understand how to lock a fic thing. Idk anymore

Warning:! 3rd person point of view? NSFW, Slight blood mention, praise k!nk, threesome, Slight rivalry between readers, only 2 genders (f!) And (m!) So no trans reader, Itto is AMAB and I think that's all? Tell me if I missed some.

Itto— orange

×—×—×

Itto was doing a Beetle battles again. Totally not dying inside from being defeated 8 times in a row. He finally was finished as he wobbly tried to find you. Sniffling at his loss slightly, but still, his mood was happy! Like, how can't he not be happy with you? He still tries to find you until he finds a bottle filled with bright and hot pink color liquid.

He wasn't gonna drink it at first, but he was unconsciously coming closer (perhaps because of the aroma in the atmosphere). Without knowing until he gulped the whole bottle down, he panicked since he didn't know why he did that. He quickly ran to your guys house, finding you both there as his hair was a mess. he quickly rested his head on {F! Name} lap/thighs. (Don't worry, the certain merchant that selled that was me teehe. It's all free.)

(Guys can have very....nice thighs, you know. Either buff, slim, thick, and girls thighs, or any. Because I'm going to suffocate myself with it either way— I mean.....nvm-...im just saying y'know.)

[Also, the lap/thighs is {F! Name}]

He shuddered when he felt a more, muscular and bigger hands onto his neck that was playing with his hair. It was {M! Name}

"What's wrong itto?" {M! Name} asked. {F! Name} was also worried. Rubbing his horns softly as he whined. "*hic* Please help me....it huurts..! Pleashe.....?" His words slurring, as his face flushed with red

He's squirmed, whining how it hurts! Please help him? Pretty pleaseee? Drooling as he quickly kissed back when {F! Name} kissed him. Trying to lean more into the kiss, he yelped when {M! Name} walked to the bedroom upstairs, covering his mouth from the embarrassment of making the sound.

But quickly forgets it and tried un-buttoning {M! Name} shirt but pouting when he struggled, so he simply ripped it apart, which made {F! Name} slightly chuckling and made {M! Name} raise his eyebrow at him.

"Oh my, how impatient of our Itto to just do this!" {F! Name} laughed as she said that. {M! Name} sighed but smirked slightly when he saw Itto voice muffling against his neck, sucking it and leaving marks. {M! Name} groaned when he felt Itto biting him, licking off the small drops of blood.

Both of you guys eyes widen as you see Itto's teeth....did it become more sharper and bigger than before? It doesn't matter because Itto is both of you guys darling precious Oni! You guys slightly blushed as many lewd thoughts comes out as you see Itto laid out onto the bed, looking do majestic!>>>

Itto's pants were getting tight, trying to quickly tug it off. Panting as he tried grabbing you both with his hands but instead just making a grabbing action in the air. Whining as {M! Name} Chuckled. Itto drooled as he saw {F! Name} fingering herself for prep after you both finished taking your clothes off. {F! Name} pulled of Itto's pants and was about to put Itto's cock into her dripping pussy but {M! Name} slightly moved her over and kept Itto for himself.

Seeing his smirk of winning, {F! Name} scoffed. But soon went to Itto's side, letting him gently grabbing her chest and letting him suck on it. Drool dripping from his chin as he muffled his moaning by sucking on it. Slightly shuddering and tears forming when {M! Name} started to finger him, laughing when three fingers fit in so easily.

"Oh? Already playing with yourself while we weren't here?" {M! Name} teased. Biting and sucking Itto's chest as he continued scissoring Itto's hole. Itto's face flushed, hugging {F! Name} waist. Hiding his face into her chest. "Awww, is my Itto upset from {M! Name} teasing?"

{F! Name} said. Itto slightly nodded, bucking his hips into {M! Name} fingers. He opened his mouth, letting his tongue out. He whined when you didn't understand his desires.

"Please let me taste you, pleaseeee?"

Itto begs, squeezing her thighs as he pouts and uses those doggy eyes of his. Sighing, but smiling at {M! Name}. As he rolled his eyes at her, she lifted her hips up and lines it up to Itto's mouth. As Itto desperately eating her out, {M! Name} finally entered him. Groaning by the warmth and tightness around him as Itto whined. Grinding against him, Itto eyes rolled back as it teased his prostate.

"What a good boy, staying still and listening to us. Good boys definitely need a reward, don't they?" {F! Name} smiled, seeing Itto's cock twitch at her words. Stroking Itto's hair as he licked off the juices from her pussy. Not wanting to waste any,,

The room filled with slurping of itto's mouth on {F! Name} boobs and the creaks of the bed. Making {M! Name} smiled at the destroyed state of Itto, pressing onto the bulge, which made Itto squirmed. A blue oni covering his mouth, panting as he desperately humped his palm as he leaned onto the door. Listening to the lewd sounds.

[galaxythreads]

How do you feel about Odin, because I saw lots of posts saying odin messed big time with all three of his kids but then you say you only said because it’s fun

In Thor 1, and only Thor 1, with ONLY the context of Thor 1, I can argue that Odin was just trying to reach out to his kids and couldn't quite manage it. That he was a good, but flawed father, who tried. That opening scene where he grabs their hands is extremely soft. Odin couldn't fight the Odinsleep and he had been putting it off, but rather than immediately go to sleep after Thor was banished he finds Loki to make sure he's okay. I genuinely think that if Odin hadn't fallen asleep, he could have talked Loki down from the rest of the chaos of the movie. When you add in all the movies after Thor 1, that's when I'm like "hmmm. no. with more context, you're actually a terrible person and father."

I've read so many fics where Odin is a good parent. I've written a few myself. I actually started a one-shot series, now deleted, of times where Odin was a good parent. I love the idea of him being a good parent, but I just don't see that as canon reality. With how he's treated his children, the combined evidence of how all of them turned out speaks volumes for how loved they felt. Even if we got to see Odin's perspective, that doesn't matter to me. Odin doesn't get to decide he isn't the bad guy to his children. What he did affected them permanently. Are his children biased in how they view him, so the audience is too? Yes. But again, Odin doesn't get to be the good guy just because his motivations are muddled and more complicated than we usually think of them as being. His children were victims of him and you can see that time and time again. That is something that I personally can't look past. Even if he had the most loving, deeply caring reason in the entire world to treat them like that, Thor, Loki, and Hela deserved better than what they got. They are not okay and if Odin had been a good parent, they would have felt loved and more secure. Being a bad parent is different than being a bad person, but Odin manages to get 2/2 with the context of later movies.

I said in the tags of a post I reblogged discussing Odin not being as horrible of a person as we consider him to be, the post you tagged me on, that "I write him as abusive because I find it interesting" and to be clear - I do think that Odin, with all the context of every movie we have, is abusive. I do not think he is physically abusive, and I didn't clarify that. There is little to no canon evidence of that, but THAT is what I put into my fics because I find it interesting. Physical abuse. It's not that it's the Worst Type of Abuse or that I'm trying to play everything up just because I can. IT's just one type of abuse that I want to explore. It's fanfiction. I am exploring the possibility of what Thor and Loki would be like if they were physically abused. I wrote a fic where Hela was the victim of human experimentation and like. I had fun. People love that story. It isn't canon and I know that, but that doesn't mean I can't write it. It's very canon-adjacent.

But, regardless of that, emotional neglect is abuse. Thor, Hela, and Loki in canon absolutely have symptoms of being emotionally neglected and somewhat have some of being emotionally abused, You can see Frigga being emotionally neglectful to Loki in the TDW, and the way Loki reacts to it suggests that he's not surprised and he is used to it. Odin tells Loki his birthright was to die as a child on a frozen rock and that he should be grateful to Odin for not killing him. You know. As a baby. Odin is extremely dismissive and emotionally neglectful of both Thor and Loki in the TDW. He compares the woman Thor almost died for to a goat and you can see that it hurts Thor, but he says nothing in his defense. Thor is severely depressed in TDW and you can see it everywhere, and Odin doesn't care. Frigga doesn't care. They ignore it because it's easier. Sif is really the only person to ask if he's okay, and that's at the end of Thor 1. That to me suggests that their home environment was not very healthy. You know that entire conversation of "reassurance" between Frigga and Thor in Endgame? That is a master class of emotional neglect. She didn't help him. She didn't listen to him. Not a healthy environment.

I think deep, deep, deeeeeep down in canon, Odin and Frigga wanted to be good parents - to Thor and Loki, they would leave Hela in prison for a 1000 years and be cool with it, oh wait they actually did - but they didn't have the time/energy/mental health to manage it. They're both the rulers of nine worlds, they don't have time to raise kids. Thor and Loki are vying for their attention constantly which suggests that it's a very rare thing to receive from their parents. Thor is the most attention-starved person in MCU in the first Thor. Emotional neglect!! I genuinely think that Thor and Loki more so raised each other than their parents.

So no, I don't like Odin. I think he's a complex character and I'm happy to discuss him in depth, but I think he is an awful, awful parent. Like I said, there is a distinction between parenting and the person, and Odin is a TERRIBLE parent. He's not an amazing person either, but I think he tried. Odin didn't decide to stop collecting realms on a whim, something must have happened that made him value peace over bloodshed. He told Thor and Loki that "a wise king must never seek out war, but must always be ready for it" so he was trying to be a better king and not leaping at things with his teeth bared. He tries to stop the war with Laufey. Idk. It's complicated. Canon is complicated. People are very rarely black and white and Odin isn't an exception to that rule.

There is a reason that him being physically abusive doesn't feel ooc, AND why him trying to be a good parent also doesn't feel ooc. A complicated man, to be sure. I don't really discuss Odin as a character that much, but I do think about him. He and Frigga are fascinating to me.

[the-guilty-writer]

To Start

Request From Anon: hii, if its not too much, could you do a Reid x daughter!reader where she is very anxious to start therapy and he talks to her in the car/waiting room?

Spencer Reid x daughter!reader

Summary: you and your dad, Spencer, talk on the way to your first therapy appointment.

A/N: I like this idea, but I don't love how this turned out most likely due to my personal experience. I have truama because of poor/bad/improper therapy a rough relationship with therapy so I imagined the reader as anxious because she knows that therapy could help, but that doesn't mean she wants to go. I may or may not come back to this idea later and write something a little different.

CW: having to go to therapy

---

You gazed out the window from the passenger seat of your dad’s car as he drove. The traffic wasn’t super thick at this time of day which allowed you to get a clearer view of the environment- a cafe with a green awning advertising a new brew of coffee, people walking with their kids, a flower stand, your favorite bookstore- but nothing about the way you were seeing was clear. The world looked and sounded and felt like a mix of colorful blobs and noise and tension. It was a Monet painting gone wrong.

“(Y/N)? Sweetie, are you okay?”

Your dad’s voice called you back to the present and you turned to look at him. You could clearly see him and clearly hear his words, but everything still felt distant.

“Oh, yeah, dad. I’m okay.” You should have known better than to lie to your dad- he was a profiler after all. Knowing when someone was lying was part of his job and Spencer Reid knew a lie when he saw one.

“I don’t think you are,” he said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t have to talk about it for another,” you looked at the clock, “twelve minutes. And then the talking torture can start.”

Spencer sighed. “Therapy isn’t talking torture,” he said, matter-of-factly. “It’s not an interrogation. If it was an interrogation I would just do it myself.”

“I still don’t get why I can’t just talk to JJ,” you say. “You guys are probably more qualified than some random woman with a notebook and a couch.”

“Actually,” Spencer said, “she’s a friend of Garcia’s. I’ve met her before and she is very nice.”

“Just because she’s nice doesn’t mean I’m going to open up to her about my deepest darkest fears right away.”

Spencer turned into a parking lot and turned off the car. He pulled out the key and sighed before looking over at you. “You’re anxious.”

You didn’t bother trying to hold back tears- they just came. Your dad leaned over the center console and hugged you. You pressed your head to his chest, listening to a familiar steadiness of his heartbeat.

“I don’t like new people,” you told him.

“I know.”

“And I don’t know how to talk about my feelings.”

Spencer let you go so he could look at your face. He gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “I know,” he said. “It’s going to be hard for a little while, but after that it will get better and then it will start to help. We wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t going to help.”

“I know,” you whispered, drying your eyes.

“We still have ten minutes,” your dad said. “If you want to talk to me.”

You paused for a moment, mulling it over in your brain.

“I guess I just don’t know why this is so hard. It sounds so easy but every time I think about it-” you cut yourself off, feeling a building pressure in your chest.

Spencer pressed a kiss to your forehead. “It’s not easy, (Y/N). But it’s going to be okay.”

“I don’t know where to start,” you said. “There’s so much in my head and I’m getting lost in it all and I don’t know how to start.”

Your dad smiled just a little bit and got out of the car, moving to the other side to open your door for you. He offered you his hand and you took it- it didn’t matter how old you got, your hand always felt small and delicate and safe in his. He helped you out of the passenger seat before locking the vehicle and walking toward the door to the therapist's office.

“That’s how you start.” He smiled gently at you.

You let out a sigh. “So I guess it's too late for me to opt out of this in favor of an interrogation led by Hotch and Derek.”

Spencer laughed and the tension in your chest loosened just a bit. “I think that might be just as bad.”

“What about an interrogation from Emily?”

“That would be worse,” your dad said, a smile still on his face. It faded just a bit before he spoke again. “It’s going to be okay, (Y/N). You’re going to be okay.”

He gestured to the doorknob and you knew that this was him giving you the out- if you wanted right now he would go in and cancel your appointment, pay the fifty dollar fine for not giving more notice, and you could get back in the car and continue living your life the way you always had. Just the anxiety of thinking about walking into that waiting room and sitting on the sofa and talking was still eating you alive.

But you had already started, so there was no point in turning around now.

[lostonmari]

SUCCESS #2 - November

Success #2 -- Everything I manifested in November

November is when I started this blog, and also ACTUALLY started applying all of the things I learned started taking affirming and thinking in my favor seriously instead of just sporadically manifesting random things here and there because I was too lazy to put in the work. I never had issues w wavering, but I was just inconsistent as fuck (Hell, I'm still inconsistent with posting on my own damn blog, yall can't possibly think I'm consistent with affirming!) So here's everything I manifested…

Manifested back my old bestfriend/ex-gf after 4 years no contact She came back, apologized for mistreating me and told me basically everything I affirmed for LMAO. and that's one of the things that gave me faith in the law because ik this girl would rather die than ever apologize to someone. Now that she's back I'm manifesting away her friends and leaving her broke down and in shambles because I'm evil and believe in revenge. yall dont know the type of bullsh*t this woman put me through. Idc if everyone is you pushed out, some people don't deserve forgiveness 🤓

My mom is walking again I successfully revised her shattered ankle without the weeks of recovery time the doctors "thought" she needed. She's literally walking around just fine now and doesn't need to wear her cast or whatever that big bulky thing was.

Manifested my brother out of jail on a time crunch Now I'm not sharing my family's whole drama online but… yea. he's out.

No more social anxiety, cured one of my mental health issues I don't wanna trauma dump or go into too much detail about my life but, yes. for anyone also working on mental health, it can be done and you won't regret trying. Life actually feels like it has meaning now and for once in all my years of life, I can actually say that I'm happy. 💗

Stopped nail biting COMPLETELY! I used to struggle with nail biting for YEARSSS whether it was out of stress, anxiety, whatever the fuck. but now it's completely gone. my nails are no longer STUBS, like theyre actually long and healthy. I didn't even affirm for this so I kinda think it came with improving my mental health since I didn't really have the issues that *triggered* nail biting anymore yk?. I'm actually the happiest about this result like yall don't understand how long I've wanted the natural french tips look 💀

[TW: Discussion of binging, discussion of food]

6. WL + Maintained weight loss! I literally changed my entire way of viewing food, and subsequently fixed my lose->gain->lose-> gain again cycle. Ever since learning LOAss If I binged I would be like: I just have a fast metabolism so that's why I'm so hungry my body is burning everything I eat so fast! and I would also tell myself calories don't matter because food is only energy. Basically, reminding myself of what Abdullah told Neville: "If you ate as I did, you would be poisoned because of your belief." (heavily paraphrased because my memory is terrible.. yes I'm working on it 😭) and it keeps me from feeling guilty abt eating. I ate SOOO MUCH food yesterday and I mean SO MUCH. I ate an entire box of cheese sticks, two large chicken sandwiches, 2 pb & j sandwiches total throughout the day, and half a tub of icecream for dessert… Yeah I was going crazy.. to the point I looked 5 months pregnant at the end of the night. Fast forward to today, my stomach is back to flat and back to normal as if it never happened. Food literally will not effect you if you believe it doesn't! This was my main focus too so I'm very proud of myself :)

Moral of the story is, never give up.

YOU decide what happens in your reality and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There were times when I didn't want to affirm, so I didn't. If I felt lazy then I didn't consciously affirm or listen to subliminals, I just relaxed and went on about my day. I never made affirming feel like a chore. There were times when I had doubts too or thought it wouldn't work. I especially thought it wouldn't work for my mental health but I just affirmed anyway. When you're having resistance literally just know there's nothing bad that can possibly happen from believing in yourself and thinking in your favor. Just DO IT. Persist no matter what and you WILL get what you want!

I'll try to do better with posting my successes (but only ones that actually meant something big to me tbh. I don't see a point in sharing every little thing unless it was me overcoming some type of struggle) and answering messages but I refuse to download the tumblr app so yall just gotta see and hear from me whenever I feel like loading up this website. I'm just enjoying & living my life rn girl I used to dream about times like this and now I finally have them 😭

[plznomonkeys]

I cannot add the screenshot but saw your comment about the process of making OCs. please share yours cuz I'm so curious!

I had literally 5k words written out explaining the process and thought 'nobody needs to read that' and just shortened it to point form. It was a lot of rambling......

Anywho

OC's, in my mind, fill a void that I feel a story is missing. I mean, no whole story is necessarily missing something, but it is in my perspective. Usually OC's are born from something I disliked with the original work or felt could've been handled differently.

So the tip of inspiration is a 'What If?' moment.

"What if L had someone on task force -with more than 2 brain cells- on his side?"- Death Note

"What if Naruto had a friend growing up who loved him?" - Naruto

"What if Truth was an even bigger dick and tortured someone's soul through reincarnation until they finally learned to break the cycle?"- FullMetal Alchemist

"What if a main character didn't have a damsel in distress as a love interest?" - Bleach

The what if is the first point to creation. It gives me an anchor of reference, of purpose, to this character. It's not to make them a plot device, but it helps me shape around what the reason for building them is. Everyone needs a purpose to have fulfillment in their lives, even if it's just to feed your cat and water your plants. You have a purpose, so what is my OC's? There's usually a moment in the story that inspires this specific purpose and each one is different.

Great, now that we have a purpose, let's move on.

Part 1: What's the start and ending?

It doesn't matter what the story is yet. To me, what's important is the end of this character's story. Where do they end up? Are they alive? Dead? Did they end up with love interest? Did they succeed in their goals? etc.

Despite how crucial this part might seem, I'm never dead set on it. I have a general idea most of the time.

The point of the ending is to have guidance as to where I'm going with the story line and remind myself that this character is moving in that direction. It can also change once you know your character more and once you have a fully fleshed plot, but again you'll change it likely because it works more with the OC you've created.

Now that you've got an ending, pick a starting point. It can be literally anywhere. It can be another character POV. Beginnings are really easy, just pick a place you want to begin and write a few words. Great, now figure out how this beginning meets that ending. Rough sketch it, when you write it out it'll change and grow, that's perfectly okay. No character is the same at the start and finish, so be aware that change is normal.

Part 2: What's the secret?

Every character that has any level of depth has a secret that is revealed in the story. L's successors was a big one. Naruto's parentage was theorized for years before being confirmed. Aizen's betrayal in Bleach was another. What big secret changes the reader's view on the character? What do the other characters think?

Part 3: How are they compatible with their pairings?

Legit this one comes up early in my mind. If I'm completely honest it has to, as you already have a character that is fully fleshed out and in order to keep them in character then your OC needs to adhere to the canon character's interests IMO. It's the reality of it. Which also means you have to know the canon character really well. Which is where character analysis comes in.

Let's take L for example. While I imagine he's the type to make his partner comfortable regardless of their wants/needs, I also see him as the guy who would legit rather die that admit those feelings at first? Like I subscribe to him being a little autistic and mildly self-degrading when it comes to 'why would they like me?' perspectives.

I say mildly because it's not so much he has no confidence as simply 'I literally have no internal clock, I likely have uncontrolled diabetes and broke my back on my own from sitting like this all day, I will ignore your very existence to finish a case and I literally haven't been home in god knows how long, so why would you ever have feelings for me?' It's illogical for L to entertain the idea of someone feeling that way about him because he simply doesn't fit the profile of a dating candidate. And so he disregards the idea that someone could ever be interested in him. Never mind he'd have to know everything about them down to their god damn SIN number before he'd ever see them in person.

So yeah, L's tough, but not impossible. I could see him with a character who really enamours him. I mean as in a character who thinks so radically different from him that at first he sees it as illogical, but progressively he begins to understand how they tick. I could see him being especially fascinated with someone who is very capable of lying convincingly, and yet wears their heart on their sleeve. I find this type of person to be so opposite and yet so similar at the same time.

Now that you have their OTP.... what other pairings are there? Contrary to the belief system, but there are multiple pairings in every story. Pairings don't have to be romantic, but they must be dynamic. What do other characters think of them? How would they interact with each other? I usually know intuitively who I want my OC to befriend and who they realistically could get along with.

This is, quite literally, the toughest part to flesh out, since I work pretty hard to try and stick to canon.

Part 4: Define your character in one scene?

As I said in the What If? section, each character is born from a specific scene or idea. So what is the scene in the story that defines the entirety of this character? For L I think his defining moment was his lil speech about 'do you really think I do this for justice?' in the manga. It brought into perspective that L was having fun on this case, and when he was 'wrong' about Light his temper tantrum made so much more sense honestly.

Characters need a scene in the story that really lets the reader understand the character on a deeper level and really drives home 'this is a person' even though they're not real it makes them feel raw and real.

Part 5: Motivations

Okay, great, we have so much covered, literally I could probably just go off this and wing the rest. But now we gotta ask why is OC even in the story? Why are they a moving puzzle piece? What made them get to their ending? What did they sacrifice? What's the most important thing to them? Why? Knowing why a person moves is far superior to simply wanting them to move. Why did Light swap the notebooks between shinigami? To keep Ryuk's big mouth away and Rem up close to L. Why did L confront Light at uni? Because he had enough sugar to kill a camel in his system and a gut feeling that Light was Kira and would eventually fold under pressure if he pushed him enough.

Part 6: The Plot

Okay so we've got literally everything necessary. So what's the plot? Is it AU? Partial AU? Canon compliant? Does it just follow canon to a certain point and then go off the rails? Personally I like canon divergent. It holds some points of interest with the original plot but diverges at points only to link up in some spots. I also am a huge fan of making events happen in different time frames.

And now.... where do the OC's affect the story? I mean there's no way that Death Note is a completely unchanged story despite another character being added? Something has changed, so what? Do certain events not occur? Does something better befall certain characters? Something worse?

I am also a stickler for universe rules. I do no bend rules for my characters unless I can come up with a universe compliant reason that it would work. I try to respect the original author's world...... but I will do whatever the hell I want with the characters as long as they're in character.

Part 7: The personal touch

Believe it or not, the appearance of the character is the literal last thing to even cross my mind. Like I legit started writing a Naruto fanfic and realized in 8 chapters I hadn't a clue what she looked like. I had to go to pinterest and make a board, along with a character bio in my notes app. I pic out the height, weight, hairstyle/hair colour, eye shape/eye colour, face, aesthetic, any scars/tattoos they may have and I put it on my notes/pinterest board. Now that I know their story is so I know why they'd have that scar or tattoo. I know why they have that kind of look in their eye. I know everything about them really.

The last bit is mostly spreading this personal touch through the above mentioned steps. It's fleshing it out further, making them more flowing in growth. When did they get the scar? Why that tattoo? Does it affect the story?

Attractiveness is something I debate a lot, and honestly it mostly comes down to plot. If a character needs to be pretty because of the plot I write them as attractive. If they need to be ugly that's what they are. Full disclosure, I see through my OC's eyes when I imagine scenes since I like to write in first person. Meaning I never remember their appearance and always have to review the notes to remind myself what they look like at all.

---

Ok, I think I got everything? So yeah, this is the fuck fest two brain cells can come up with. Keep in mind it is a cyclic mentality and I am perpetually editing and upgrading ideas in my brain. My newest OC to Death Note has literally changed so dramatically in 5 days just by doing this process 3 times that you'd think they were two different characters. It really helps me know my OC's honestly. Do I follow this to the T? Not always, but it is generally the process I subscribe to.

Hope this was a good read, cheers.

Also sorry if I did this wrong I've never posted on tumblr before this year god save my soul

[bardengarde]

I hope you struggle with this ask game as much as I did. Love you.

BJ: 3, 20, 22

Hawkeye: 1, 2, 6, 12, 24

God Shan you said you were going easy on me then I reviewed the questions.... I wish I had an emote here for BJ's sarcastic smile. Love you too though, and augh.... *cracks knuckles* BJ Hunnicutt

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Already this isn't fair, because you know me, you know my blog title, you know my beliefs. ...The entire episode of "Hanky Panky" though. I hate that he cheated on Peg (while still recognizing the significance of it to his character arc, and the archetype he fulfills). It was a hard fall when I got to that episode for the first time. I was rooting for him, we were all rooting for him. And the fact the date the episode released on is so close to my birthday- it felt like a targeted attack.

There are maybe other things..... won't share them here though, y'all stay safe.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Assuming I'm meant to answer other than Hawkeye since they're canonically best friends, I really would have liked to see his and Klinger's friendship expand more. I love the banter they have, they seem to get along great, and even if Klinger isn't a dad in the show I feel like he has dad energy and I feel like they'd be really stoked to show each other pictures of their kids in the future and be excited for one another and the milestones their kids reach. I'll stop myself before I go too far off on the deep end with headcanons, but I think their dynamic is often fun and sweet and would love to see it explored more.

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

To be so real with you, I've not read enough fics to have a good answer for this- like down to details. I guess my thing is knowing that BJ is a very complex characters with multiple layers- I feel like I'd get annoyed if I read a fic that took a very fanon approach to BJ and made him like a malicious liar type, which I don't think he is at all. Or if he was boiled down to jealousy or anger issues. That said, I love reading a fic where someone can nail his sense of humor or puns.

Hawkeye Pierce

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Why DO I like him, honestly??? I'm rewatching the show from the beginning rn and god.... I landed on this guy??? Echoing your answer when I asked you, he's definitely very complex and I am always learning new things about him/ coming to a different understanding in my interpretation of him. I really appreciate his character arc and what Alan Alda did with his character; I appreciate his views on him as well. I'm also drawn to characters where just about everything happens to them, and god Hawkeye might have pioneered that trope /hj

I'd also argue that I like Hawkeye so much because he's so much unlike the majority of my favorite characters previously. Traditionally, I've been more drawn to serious, academic characters, or charming and romantic, or softer and gentler, or even clean-cut types, and Hawkeye is.... different, to say the least. Not to say he's not capable of some of those qualities... sometimes, but he's... just vastly different than say Aramis, Enjolras, Riza Hawkeye, Peggy Carter, Philippe (mitim), and so on, and so on...

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Hah.... This is also hard.

I like how imperfect he is. I would personally think of him as a good person (I say while wincing a bit), but I think more accurately he is a person who is trying to do his job to the best of his ability in one of the worst possible circumstances. And he tries to help people who are being mistreated along with it, and while standing up against idiocy and injustice, and being firm in his pacifism.

Despite that, he's sleazy, disrespectful, sometimes outright mean, and overall probably not someone I would want to be close friends with in real life. (At least, not at where he is in my current re-watching of the show.) He's not a 'saint in surgical garb'; he's a person. A very flawed person. And I like that. I like him. 6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I don't think I can answer this without getting too deep with it. Let's just say I like to think I'm funny sometimes.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

I know none of these are new to you Shan, but you'll hear them again!!!

-I think one of Hawkeye's favorite ice cream flavors is Rum Raisin. I think he also likes splitting a banana split with someone else (as a kid- with either of his parents, does it on dates sometimes, etc)

-I'm purposefully twisting a line given in the show about him having a 'pet' stuffed owl, and saying he had a stuffed owl toy as a kid named Hooty.

-I think his favorite color is red.

-I have a very important headcanon to myself that after his mom passed away, he was given a lot of extra care and love by the moms of a few of his friends in Crabapple Cove. One would send along an extra packed lunch with their kid to make sure Hawkeye had something to eat at school. Another stopping him to fix where his hair looked a mess and straighten his shirt for him. And so, so many hugs and endearments. None of this was done because they thought that Daniel Pierce was neglectful or couldn't take care of Hawkeye, but because Daniel was grieving as well and they wanted to help where they could and ease some of the load off Daniel's shoulders with not only him becoming Hawkeye's sole guardian, but also while still being the towns doctor as well- while he's trying to pick up the pieces and get back on his feet.

I like to think even as an adult when Hawkeye sees one of his friends mom's who had helped taken care of him, he still runs up to them and gives them a big hug. :,)

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Hehe, there's the rub because I don't know if I have one. Mayyyybe Grantaire since I have Les Mis on the mind today, but not reallyyyyy. No offense to Grantaire but Hawkeye is a lot more competent and cares a lot more about things. But drunk, comical, not straight, in love with a blond- that checks out.

[nukenai]

This is two parts of a thing I wrote, and I really need to write the thing in between them at some point. It's from my TFP fanfic but I'll get into the embarrassing details under the cut, lol.

So while TFP was airing, I was going through some really extreme life trauma! I wound up actually really effectively dealing with that by (mentally) writing my self-insert fanfic and gave myself Even Worse Trauma in that (soundwave accidentally blew up my house, I wound up in government custody, and thrown in with the Autobots to stop being a burden on the state. tldr I found comfort in Ratchet and no one else)

Anyways, a while ago I decided to write what was going on when the base gets blown up and everyone has to evacuate. Those episodes were VERY STRESSFUL FOR ME, WHEN I WAS ALREADY FUCKIN GOIN THROUGH IT. THANKS TFP. LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

anyways here's part 1:

And just like that, Smokescreen was gone. Right before he disappeared back into the Groundbridge, he glanced back at her. But he didn't say anything, and then he was gone. He had something more important to take care of.

There was always something more important than her.

She was left in the middle of a cold, dark forest. Alone. Ratchet decided she would be safer with Smokescreen, for some reason, and now she was alone. Like Ratchet was, too, somewhere else. Probably a thousand miles away.

She sat down, not caring for the condition of her long skirt. What else was she supposed to do? It was dark, and she barely knew which direction was up. Obviously, she couldn't use her phone. The Decepticons were surely tracking everything.

It was all gone. The base, the bots, her friends... Anything she could have thought to call home or family. By that point, probably all of Jasper had been leveled. What else could possibly remain?

Left with nothing, she leaned forward until her forehead hit the dirt. At the very least, she could wait and see if Smokescreen came back. Somehow.

Morning came, and no Groundbridge reopened. No one came for her. She couldn't even be sure how long she sat there and waited. Did the sun rise and set again? Did she sleep for three straight days on the ground in the woods? Nothing made sense and nothing felt real.

The sun was up. Whether it was the first or fourth rise, she had no idea. She stood, dusted herself off with the least amount of effort, and started walking.

She picked one direction to walk in, but it didn't seem to matter much. All around her were unfamiliar trees. But, she tried to think. It was later in the year but still warm, so she couldn't have been too far from the west coast. Had Ratchet tried to keep them relatively near each other? No one else knew any of the coordinates, and it all happened so fast...

The sound of an engine sent her into a panic. It always would, probably - her first thought was always Soundwave, even if it was almost never him. Almost. This time she froze against a tree, hoping whatever it was wouldn't see her. Even if it was someone like Fowler, she would rather be alone in the woods.

Soon the sound was almost overwhelming, and a huge shape blotted out what could be seen of the sun through the trees. It was a ship - definitely not as large as the Nemesis, but big enough. But it couldn't land in all the trees. Did that mean she was safe?

She bolted, not caring about the direction.

The ship followed her.

After a few seconds, she started thinking. If it were a Decepticon, they wouldn't exactly care about the trees. Humans meant nothing to them. She would've been a pile of ash by then, right?

The edge of the treeline came into view. Beyond it she saw an open field, surely open enough for the ship to land. Well, she thought. If I'm dead, I'm dead. It doesn't really matter.

She watched the ship land. It was a pretty impressive display, but she refused to let herself feel anything about it. It wasn't like she could tell if it was Autobot or Decepticon - it was just a ship. They all looked the same.

A figure emerged from a lowering hatch.

Tall - he was tall. That was the first thing she noticed. Taller than everyone except Optimus, probably. But maybe taller, with those shoulders.

The imposing blue and red frame, decorated with biolights, stared down at the little human in confusion. He leaned forward, and something on his chest came into view--

A biolit Autobot insignia.

Despite it all, she sighed in relief. "Hello there, Sir." She said, waving, trying to be polite. "I don't think we've met."

The Autobot cocked an eyebrow. "I detected an Autobot life signal in this area a short time ago, but it seems to have disappeared. And I've found only you. I assume you are a native of this planet?"

His voice made her flinch. Deep, powerful, authoritative. Automatically her body stiffened. "Y-yes, Sir. That was probably my friend Smokescreen. He was with me, but went back through our Bridge. I don't know where he is."

"Hmm." He slowly lowered himself even more, coming to rest with one knee on the ground, his hand on the other. His bright eyes peered at her. "So, little creature, you know Cybertronians? You don't seem afraid."

A bot of such a size being so close to her made her take a step back. She felt like she was about to fall over. "I-I'm part of Optimus Prime's team, Sir."

He recoiled.

"Um, my name is Nuke. All of us..."

"Are scattered, according to my scanners."

"Yes Sir, that's right."

"Hmm." He got to his feet again. Every one of his movements seemed slow, but it could have just been his size. "Interesting. I assume you will need assistance in locating your comrades?"

"Considering I was abandoned here, yeah."

He looked offended, but Nuke couldn't tell if it was by what she said or how she said it.

So she tried to change the subject. "Um, what's your name, Sir? If I can ask?"

"Ultra Magnus." He said plainly. "During the War for Cybertron, I was Optimus Prime's first lieutenant."

"Hell of a title," she said out loud, entirely not meaning to.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing, sir!" Immediately she switched on her attempt at formality. "I would be, um, very appreciative if I could come with you, if you're going to search for my friends."

"Friends? Like this Smokescreen who deserted you here?"

Yikes. She bit her lip. "It's complicated, I think, Sir. Maybe he had something more important to take care of." Truly, the details were fuzzy. She was sure she saw him go back through the Groundbridge, but that was, what, a year ago at that point? "Our base is probably lost. He might've gone back for..." She trailed off, unable to bring herself to think about it.

He hummed in what was probably displeasure at the explanation. Nevertheless, he nodded. "I suppose if you have knowledge of this planet, and of the Autobots who most certainly need my assistance, I should take you with me."

"I'll behave!" She blurted, flinching when he glared at her. "I mean, I won't touch anything in your ship, I promise! And Ratchet taught me some Cybertronian, so I know how to read dangerous labels! Sir!"

His attention was piqued at the medic's name, and he almost smiled.

To Nuke's absolute shock, Ultra Magnus stooped down again and put out his hand. "...You look tired, Soldier."

She stared. This was an unfamiliar bot, an unfamiliar hand. "Not me, Sir," she clarified. "I'm no soldier." But, she thought, he definitely recognized Ratchet's name. He wore the insignia. Optimus' first lieutenant... That sounded real. Then, somewhere deep in her memory, she could've sworn she had even heard his name before.

And she was so, so tired.

Like so many times before, a cold Cybertronian hand was the greatest comfort she could've felt at that moment.

Just a second, she thought. I'll close my eyes for just a second...

That's the end of that and I really do need to write what comes immediately next. Except I haven't yet, so have this unfinished nothing from when everyone is at the new base. Lol. I'm so good at this.

It was like a switch was flipped in her brain. She didn't want to be near anyone. Not even the humans.

"Nuke..." Her name again, in that sad voice. Those blue eyes. It could've been so many people, but it was the human one.

She was curled up in the corner of their new base. Some building, she forgot what it was called. Her clothes were still dirty, and she felt like she wasn't allowed to close her eyes. They were focused on a single screw on the wall. In the wall. She wondered if it held the entire building together. And she wanted to rip it out.

"Smokescreen wants to see you."

She would've flinched if she wasn't frozen by whatever was happening to her. All the gears in her brain had ground to a halt, and she was hugging her knees to her chest like she'd float off the earth if she let go.

I wish, she thought. But she couldn't move at all.

Heavy, heavy footsteps approached. A booming, stern voice came from high above them.

"What's happened to her?"

Jack sighed and finally stood, taking a step back. "I think she needs a doctor."

"Shall I call Ratchet?"

"Not quite what I meant..."

Ultra Magnus was an imposing figure, even among the other Autobots. His giant frame carefully stooped lower, getting as close to the floor as he reasonably could. He peered down at the small, huddled figure. "Nuke."

She reacted. She didn't mean to, but she did. Only her eyes moved to look at him, but he noticed.

He was the only one who had ever been interested in saving her.

His hand was outstretched to her. Just like before. He gently prodded at her, but stopped short of actually picking her up. Truthfully, he wasn't sure how. Humans looked like such fragile creatures, after all.

She moved. For the first time in what felt like hours, one of her arms released its vicegrip around her body and floated away from her to touch the cool metal of that Autobot's hand.

Ultra Magnus, of all bots, a few of them had said. She didn't get it. She barely knew him.

Jack watched in confusion as Nuke stood, shaky. He had already sent his mom a text - She's not better. I think she needs help. - but it was no use.

Nuke and Magnus didn't exchange a single word. She simply stepped into his hand and was lifted, very carefully, to his right shoulder. She found a space for her hand and held onto him.

Magnus gave a quick look to Jack. He still wasn't sure what to think of the younger humans. They seemed fine, with their Autobot partners.

What had happened to this one?

He stood fully and turned away. Despite how small she was, he could feel her weight

on his shoulder. One hundred and ten pounds, he estimated. Very light for an adult human, according to the quick rundown of data Ratchet had given him. He wasn't sure why, but it made him feel concerned.

The quietest little one had been abandoned, and found comfort in him. Why?

How?

He brought her to Ratchet, but she barely reacted. He felt a slightly tighter grip on his shoulder.

Ratchet looked up at them both. He did everything in his power to hide the expression of grief begging to break free on his face. He saw her shake her head, and felt something in his spark. A very bad feeling.

Her eyes were blazing with distrust. Fear. And maybe some anger.

She'd wanted to go with him. He knew that.

And still, he...

He screwed up. Badly.

Permanently.

But he had to make it better.

"We're all safe, now," He said quietly, moving his hand a little but not quite reaching out to her. "And we have Optimus..."

No, wrong move. Optimus was the reason she had been unsafe.

Nuke was staring down at Ratchet for the first time in her life. It had taken her so long to get over the initial terror of Cybertronians - these hulking monsters stomping around her world, ruining it. She found that one who was just as lonely as her despite everyone's efforts. The one who wanted to go home more than anyone else, but couldn't. And he let her sit on his shoulder, and would chat with her about this and that. Cybertron. Frustration with technology. Humans...

Neither of them liked humans very much. They had that much in common, at least.

But she was looking at a stranger, now. Not the standoffish, but kind Ratchet who had lifted her so many times in his hands. Not the Ratchet who always knew the right thing to say when her nights were particularly bad.

This Ratchet had left her behind. Gave up the moment Optimus was thought to be lost. Sure, his hope returned with Optimus. But she could never forget staring desperately out Smokescreen's back window as they drove through the groundbridge.

Because Ratchet had his back turned.

I get better I promise it just takes a couple orange robots is all. It's fine it'll all be fine (I absolutely do not get better before TFP ends and everybody goes back to cybertron. oops. OOPS! WHOOPS! TRAUMA! anyways)

[frogoru]

By all means what God sees are hearts, and their relationship with you is personal. I know a trans woman who's sure God loves her and that's why, among other things, she had a perfectly good recovery when she did her breast augmentation surgery, and never felt even a single bit of pain after that. I can't just tell her "no, I know your personal relationship with God better than you and God doesn't love you, you sinner" because that's just not true (also I'm a bisexual trans man anyway but you get the point). Also let's be fr Jesus himself never said homosexuality was a sin, the one that said that was (sorry I suddenly forgot his name), and he also said that women shouldn't talk during congregation. I am not going to believe some sexist guy, even more when considering the big guy and the one that truly mattered didn't agreed with him. Let's not forget the apostles were human after all, and of course their own biases slipped through their writing. I wish you the best 💕

Thank you so much!! I feel like I focus on the negatives when it comes to people within the faith and how they view me/my sexuality so much to the point where it kinda blinds me from viewing what really matters in the end. Whenever I start to feel confident within myself I feel like I kind of stumble over "what if I'm actually wrong" thoughts and it's ahhhhh not great 😞😞 I appreciate you bringing up the woman you know and mentioning yourself as well- hearing about other queer people and their positive relationships with Christianity makes me feel really comforted and reassured within myself as well.

[danketsuround]

An overdue blog about my fic-writing process with The Immortal Son (and a little about Two Birds)

CW for brief mentions of suicide, bullying, sexual assault, childhood trauma, and emotional incest

Okay so here's some behind the scenes things about my writing process with The Immortal Son. If you read the first fic that I wrote for this AU series, Two Birds, you should know that I sat doing research for that fic for months, then I basically just blacked out and wrote it. I might eventually rewrite some of it, to be honest, so that it connects better with its prequel. But I haven't gotten there yet, and I'm too scared to get there right now.

My original thinking with Two Birds was that I wanted it to be Mitsuru-focused. I actually wanted to do it from his perspective originally, but then I realized he'd hardly know anything about his own situation, so I changed the narrator to Kuwana. This was more of a technical change than emotional. Kuwana is, and always will be for me, an unreliable narrator. But when writing from his perspective, I really wanted to show the reader how much Kuwana struggles with understanding Mitsuru - how he's in his own head too much, and how he doesn't realize exactly how unfit he is to take care of Mitsuru, and how none of that can matter, because no one else will do it. Despite his second chance - or perhaps because of it! - Kuwana is selfish and resented.

I did manage to unearth some of my notes while writing Two Birds. While a lot has changed, the general basis for Kuwana and Mitsuru has always been what I originally wrote as a note to myself, here:

I focused a lot on Mitsuru's physicality. It ended up being that most of my time for this fic was spent doing research about long comas. While that was all fine and good, a lot of what I researched ended up not even being used or mentioned. Both Two Birds and The Immortal Son are focused on emotion - more than realism or accuracy. In fact, a decent amount of the "lore" in either fic is completely made up, and whatever I make up is written somewhere to reference later. Then, I just write it whenever it feels relevant to the narrative, and hope I'm not writing myself into an incomprehensible hole - because, while a lot of it is based on inference, some of it isn't. I wanted to write as if what I had made up was obvious, so I had to try and get out of my own head while reading it over. That was hard.

Anyways, here's some Google Maps screenshots I had taken for Two Birds to reference in my fic. This was back when I wanted them to live in Matsuyama, Ehime - not Masaki - but the "visual" "idea" is the same. When I was drafting Two Birds, Reiko was in a fake prison on an island. I had this vision of them taking a boat to go and see her, but I scrapped it - mostly because I felt like Reiko would not go to a maximum security prison like that. I mean come on, she's not Saejima. She only killed one person, geez!

I liked the mix of rice fields and the view of the sea. I've never been to Masaki. I've never even been to the Kyushu area. If I had to do it all over again, I'd put them in Fukushima. The descriptive visuals about Masaki in Two Birds are actually inspired by where I live.

Of course, Two Birds ended up not really being Mitsuru-focused at all, and that's when I decided to write The Immortal Son. Even though Kuwana is still the narrator, he is sort of a backseat driver to a near-fatal car crash he caused by grabbing the driver's wheel... uh, so to speak. He just watches everything happen. It's not until Two Birds that he feels fit to play his role.

"Two Birds" was the working title for what ended up actually being Two Birds because I didn't have any other ideas. I had written the scene where Kuwana remembers when he first moved to Masaki, and so I just pulled "two birds" from that actual paragraph. I did this before once with a porno I mean sickfic I wrote - calling it "Toothpaste" when toothpaste was never actually involved at all. A while ago I had this habit of throwing darts at one-shots I wrote and titling it whatever word I landed on. For the same reason, when I had drafted the first interaction between Kuwana and Jiro; I titled it "Orange Chicken".

I can't help but love a surprise title drop.

But the title for The Immortal Son just flew into my head, and suddenly it felt really corny to title drop. I debated on calling it "The Immortal Sun" because it takes place in the summer and Kuwana can feeeeeel the heat on his back (metaphorically) but since it ended up being entirely about Mitsuru, the immortal son, I changed it.

The Immortal Son is written to play out pretty soon after the events of Lost Judgement. While Kusumoto Reiko is in her holding cell, she tells Kuwana to keep an eye on Mitsuru. From there, Kuwana meets Mitsuru's father (Jiro, also Reiko's ex-husband) and uncovers a few secrets about her past. For reasons (then) unknown to Kuwana, Reiko confesses to killing Kawai on her own - leading him to take care of Mitsuru and attempt to eliminate her hospital debt.

I gave Kuwana a fading flashback when he went to visit Reiko in prison for the first time. It later informs Kuwana's decision to point fingers at Reiko when her lawyer discovers a flaw in her confession. This isn't necessarily right or wrong of him, but Kuwana's own memory of her in prison forces him to believe she wants to be punished - that they are alike in the desire to atone.

I thought a lot about Reiko in The Immortal Son. My first impression of her when playing Lost Judgement was actually a bit sad. That introduction scene where she is sitting in Mitsuru's dark, wide, and empty hospital room by herself - and knowing she had done the same thing every day for the past thirteen years - seemed really lonely, so I drew bits and pieces of her and Mitsuru's relationship from that.

There were two themes - "preservation" and "violence".

A long time ago, I made a connection between Kawai's frozen body and Mitsuru's "frozen" body - I still can't explain it well enough to make sense.

In Lost Judgement, Kuwana says they killed Kawai on the anniversary of Mitsuru's suicide attempt. Later, he describes Mitsuru as a vegetable that is "as good as dead." So, my best way to explain it is that time stopped for both of them. Kawai is literally frozen from the moment his heart stopped beating, and Mitsuru doesn't change at all in thirteen years. That's where "preservation" came to mind, and how it intertwined with the violence of the original story.

Because Mitsuru is preserved, his pain is preserved as well. The characters see this through the long-term effects of his trauma and suicide attempt on his body, and how Mitsuru eventually grows into himself. But his mind and body are childish, because that's where he stopped at. A dead child never grows into adulthood.

There is an instance when Kuwana and Jiro come into his hospital room, and I mention Mitsuru being "gelded" by both his mother and the natural process of time.

Can I sound crazy for a second? The reason why wrote that line was because I was kinda thinking of Mitsuru as a castrato, like, a choir boy who is castrated in order to preserve his voice, and grows sort of strangely or unnaturally as a result? That's what Mitsuru looks like to me. A small version of that - a thirty year old who still looks seventeen but not quite. Like a less jarring version of Ben Platt in Dear Evan Hanson, lol.

Anyways, I thought Mitsuru's preservation would be an act of violence, too, because Reiko (both in order to protect Mitsuru and her own feelings) wants to turn back time and keep Mitsuru as a helpless child. In Two Birds, she tells Kuwana that she used to pretend Mitsuru had turned invisible as a child, and that she wished he'd cry in her lap again. In The Immortal Son, even Jiro eventually relents to this as well, telling Kuwana that he wished Mitsuru could be the way he used to.

The violence of preservation, in this case, is Reiko's severe attachment to Mitsuru. In his childhood, it made him understand her in ways he should not have - as stated by Jiro. I thought that there had to be other factors in Mitsuru's suicide, and this is what I came up with. That Reiko was too pressing - Mitsuru, too darling - and that he was his father's emotional replacement.

Yeah, so what if I made up the thing about Reiko's enmeshment with Mitsuru? It was always lingering in the back of my mind anyways. Enmeshment is better known as "emotional incest" - I hate that word, even though that's about as accurate as wording gets. The sad and lonely image of a woman overly dedicated to her son; how could I not?

Mitsuru is not only surrouuuuuunded by violence, but he's also - tragically - a tool for it, right? Kawai is killed out of revenge, and seven other people die because of Kuwana's quest for vigilantism in his name - mentioning Mitsuru ahead of everyone else he sought vengeance for. Mitsuru is hardly able to protect himself; he can only watch what happens to him. I wanted to make a connection between this and what Jiro said Reiko did to him - that Mitsuru is singled out and violated by devotion.

When Kuwana takes him on a stroll away from his father, Mitsuru kills a cicada.

I used the word "beheaded" here - not crushed or squashed - to evoke a "feeling of execution". It's Kuwana who runs Mitsuru over that cicada, and it's Kuwana who used Mitsuru to justify violence. So, I wanted to point out that Mitsuru is welded passively in Kuwana's instigation of violence.

Mitsuru, too, has to witness the way everyone talks about his mother, and what she had done for his sake. In that, he searches for her kindness - not wanting to remember how sore her arms felt in her constricting motherhood.

But he is denied by reality. And that reality comes in the form of his father - albeit, definitely not the most objective person in all of this.

Jiro is a character I made for the sake of The Immortal Son, but he's mentioned very briefly as "Mr. Kusumoto" in Two Birds.

There are three original characters I wrote for The Immortal Son: Jiro Kusumoto (Reiko's ex-husband), Kondo Daichi (Reiko's celebrity lawyer) and Naganuma Mimori (Mitsuru's young nurse). I hadn't really mapped out their personalities, they sort of just came and went as I wrote. But I think it's safe to say Jiro was definitely Mitsuru's co-star in this.

Kondo Daichi (or Daiichi, 第一, a pun meaning "number one") was originally meant to be a timid lawyer appointed by the court, but then he sort of turned into an audience self-insert. I thought a lot about the logistics of Kuwana taking care of Mitsuru, and Reiko taking the sole blame for Kawai's murder, and I wondered what that meant Kuwana's response would be. The result was Kondo - a character meant to fully confront Kuwana with the reality of his situation, and his decision to take care of Mitsuru. I wanted to show that, when given the opportunity to confess and face the consequences, Kuwana would cowardly turn away.

Naganuma Mimori is a bit like Mitsuru. Because of that, Jiro also views her as something to compete with Kuwana. Kuwana is kind to her but he sees her as a child. More importantly, though, I used Naganuma as a mark for gender. Kuwana tells Jiro he doesn't have children, and Jiro asks if he'd prefer a girl. Later, when childish Naganuma cries on Kuwana's shoulder, Jiro jokes that he probably couldn't handle a little girl.

Compared with Naganuma, I thought that Kuwana might feel emasculated by his inadequacy to take care of Mitsuru properly. Even so, for my own reasons, I wanted Kuwana to seem girlish in The Immortal Son. I just feel like he's a bit feminine anyways. I wanted him to be treated and scolded the way an inadequate or indecent woman would be. All of that scolding comes from Jiro, who respects him otherwise.

I thought the easy way out would be to make Jiro abusive and mean-spirited and probably an alcoholic. Honestly, the first time I wrote him (which was even before I started thinking about The Immortal Son!) he was sort of... that. But then I realized that's a little boring. Sure, I wanted Jiro to be a little mean, but I mostly just wanted him to be frustrated and honest. I wanted him to be someone who thinks he's only ever done his best. In that way, I wanted him to be someone like Kuwana.

Jiro cannot see himself in Mitsuru, and he blames it on Reiko's influence and enmeshment towards him. At this point - while feeling vindicated - he is mostly just sad. Sad because he was never there for Mitsuru, and sad that he still can't be. He can't stand being around his own son, and that's why he's able to relinquish him to Kuwana's care. Ironically, Kuwana can see much of Jiro in Mitsuru, only because Jiro refuses to see weakness in himself.

I never wanted Two Birds to end on a sad note, though I guess The Immortal Son ended up seeming that way. Or, at least there is some recognition that Mitsuru will never be able to return to himself. Kuwana, of course, can see this because he's the same way. It's not such a bad thing, I think, which is why I sort of hesitate to call it sad - because in my head I know that The Immortal Son is more like "the foundation of trauma" and Two Birds is like "a layer of hope".

That's what my goal was, at least.

Basically, all of this meaty symbolism came from the type of story I wanted to write, which is ultimately about love and normal people in the real world with a hard past. I wanted to expand on Mitsuru and Reiko a lot simply because I liked them. So that's what I did.

Both Two Birds and The Immortal Son came from a long road of dissatisfaction with the original story. I mostly wanted more from the Kusumotos. I thought Kuwana's dedication to them was interesting, too, and I wondered what Kuwana would do with himself after his purpose in life was bested. "What if Kuwana suddenly became very lucky?" - I asked myself, and this came.

I don't think any of these characters should suffer, and I don't think it's necessary for Kuwana to suffer in order to understand the pain he's caused. In fact, it's through love that Kuwana can feel the value of his own miserable life. Mitsuru's situation is sad, Kuwana and Reiko's life is sad - but the story really isn't. Mitsuru is immortalized by pain, and violence, and suffering - but he can live happily through it. Even if he can't be free of it, he lives a kind and honest life. Surely, there are themes of terror and trauma interwoven in both Two Birds and The Immortal Son. I talked about "preservation" and "violence" earlier, but I also felt like it was necessary to touch on normal things, like family, disability and gender. There's no real "point" I wanted to hit with these fics, I just wanted to tell that kind of story.

I'll add in a later reblog some ideas I was floating around while writing both of these. There are tons of scrapped ideas and artifacts from the time between Two Birds and The Immortal Son, including one fic about Reiko's family, and another about Kawai's funeral. I'm going to go find those things now and report back. Later, eventually.

Thanks for reading!

[kitkatopinions]

Let me be clear, if someone is going to "tell me things about myself" that they've decided that they know I must think and feel and secretly want and they involve ADAM as someone I like or think Blake belongs to or anything like that, they're proving that they do not actually care about my opinions or even know what they are, and they don't care about me as a person, or anything, and they just copy-paste their idea of 'rwde-posters' with absolutely no backing.

I don't like Adam.

In fact I hate Adam.

I think that the White Fang and the handling of Adam reflects badly on RT, but as a character, I can't stand almost anything about Adam. I don't really like either of his outfits, I think his voice acting is some of the worst in the show, and his two-dimensional personality that was never given much depth is an F-minus and he's an abusive asshole who put Blake through hell only to try to manipulate her into doubting herself.

Trigger warning for discussions of abuse below the keep reading

Although my experiences aren't the same as Blake's, I have experiences both with abuse and with an unhealthy giant red flag of a romantic partner.

I was abused by a parental figure, it made me feel horrible and broken and it's followed me in my adult life in a way that makes me really hesitant to get close to people especially concerning physical contact from people that aren't my immediate family members.

I was in a romantic relationship where my several-years-older-than-me boyfriend would make me feel bad if I took twenty minutes to text him back and he got angry at me for hanging out with an old friend I hadn't seen for years because I wasn't paying attention to him for an hour, and he lied to me about his political views in order to manipulate me into staying with him, and a lot more I can't even get into here.

Adam's actions towards Blake - while all a little heavy handed - get me on edge and feel a bit personal, because I felt responsible for the emotional well-being of a man who was only trying to use me, and I felt guilty about being hit by someone because I felt like I was hurting them by making them 'punish me.' So seeing someone try and make Blake feel bad about them hurting her hits a bit close for me.

Adam to me is icky, he makes me feel bad and on edge due to my past experiences, and when I think about doing my own re-writes I've heavily considered cutting him completely. I've talked about how I relate to Blake as an abuse victim before and how I like her story of escaping abuse once it's removed from the 'faunus racism' angle. I can only tolerate Adam if it's a heavily edited and changed fan made reinvention that's more like Zuko than Adam. This doesn't mean that I think that the RWBY writers were right to write him the way they did. But I do hate Adam, and I really definitely truly don't think he 'belongs with Blake' or especially that Blake 'belongs to him.' I see a lot of myself in Blake, all I want is for her to be healthy and get closure and be sure of herself and happy, because that's all I want for me too. Blake isn't one of those characters that I want to whump for that reason. Most of my favorites, I want to put through the emotional wringer, but for Blake I just want her to be able to be happy and content and herself no matter who that leaves her with romantically.

So whenever people make their accusations about me... And it includes ADAM and they say that I worship Adam or want Blake to belong to him, it literally pisses me off and it's pulled from the person they invented to get mad at. Because I've certainly made it no secret that I feel this way about Adam and I've said before that I hate him. They're just culty. They invented a 'rwde poster' and assigned all of us the beliefs they gave to their imaginary enemy, and now they waste their time accusing a queer woman who was an abuse victim of secretly thinking things because they can't tolerate even the idea of someone actually having a reason to criticize RWBY.

[raccoonfallsharder]

Thank you so much for responding to my ask, I found myself nodding my head in agreement to every point you made. I still feel bad for those who continue to overlook Rocket, but yeah, it doesn't really matter. Would love to hear those Loki thoughts as well if you don't mind!

ahh, i’m so glad to hear my five-thousand-page rant made sense and resonated with you! i also feel bad for those who overlook rocket. they truly don’t know what they’re missing.

so my thoughts on loki (below) are ALL over the place. i guess i’ll rant a little about the mcu and then talk about how i view loki in terms of character complexity, and then rant a lil more before i get really sappy. ready? ready.

i’m gonna go ahead and double-down on what i said about the mcu as a whole, and how much we need stories told by writers who love the characters they’re writing for. i think loki in the movies is a good example of a character who had, like, signposts of complexity and development with no actual exploration. we would see his behavior shift at critical moments, and we could interpret change and growth, but we never got to spend enough time with him to really see his thoughts and feelings and motivations. fanfic writers have done more to establish loki as a character with depth than the movies ever did. (hire them, disney!)

to be fair, those were thor’s movies, i suppose. but the dynamic of the movies really relied on this sibling relationship, while only really exploring one sibling’s perspective. like, how do you base a whole section of a franchise on two characters, but treat one as a person and the other as a prop?

then we move into the show.

honestly, i fuckin loved the show. i know you described it as loki getting to speedrun his redemption arc in a youtube video (a description which made me giggle btw), but i personally never thought of it that way. i never thought of loki as really learning anything from that montage of his other self’s life — except, perhaps, that being a better person and having a real relationship with his brother was possible. i always thought of that scene as just a slap in the face to get him to start paying attention.

what unfolds over the following two seasons is, imo, where all his growth happens. still begrudging at first — still eager to double-cross the people holding him captive (no shade; they didn’t deserve his loyalty). ready to use his variant to accomplish his goals. we get to see him start to develop empathy by literally reflecting on himself (hi sophie), and we get to watch that empathy spread — slowly, but surely. (so slowly, by the way. that sequence at the end where he spends a million years watching his friends unravel again and again and again and again and again and again and again? like, the audience may have gotten to speedrun that — but there’s no reason to think he did). by the time loki does what he thinks is the right thing — “for all of us” — it’s incredibly believable to me. whereas in the movies, it often felt like a cointoss — tails i save an orphan and heads, i act like a little shit — this decision to preserve self-determination seems deliberate and conscious and effortful. and he now considers himself part of the universe instead of superior to or separate from it. for all of us.

so. what do i think about the complexity of loki’s character? i think he is very complex and developed, and that his character growth is shared just as masterfully as rocket’s, but — i think this is exclusively because of the tv show.

and i think, again, that this is because the writers of loki loved him. like gunn did with rocket, they held the character of loki very tenderly, found all the places that made him mean, and asked, but why? and what does healing look like for you? and how do we make that happen?

and you know, even though rocket and loki are very different, and their stories “end” in very distinct ways, i think it’s fascinating that so many of the stories we find that have been told with love also include love as a central tenet. i think it’s just so beautiful that when we recognize a character as fundamentally good but deeply wounded, we so often want to reshape their universes to be exactly what they need to make them feel whole and seen and unbroken. we want to give them found families and community and connection, because having those things is always better than not, even if that means you have to be trapped in a tree for the rest of eternity.

i dunno, i just think people overall are really loving, and at their core, they want to put more love in the world. and i think loki (the show) and guardians (the movies) are perfect examples of people actually doing that.

blah blah blah, hire writers who love the characters.

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thanks for inspiring this rant lol sorrryyyy

[jazzmckay]

i finally finished the fallout show, so here are my thoughts. i will talk about both things i enjoyed and things i didn't enjoy. be aware that i'm one of Those west coast fallout fans so this will be bethesda-critical, although it's never my goal to be a hater or make fans of bethesda games feel bad for enjoying them.

spoilers for not only the show, but most fallout games ive played, which includes: fallout, fallout 2, fallout 3, and fallout: new vegas

lets start with the positive!

things i enjoyed:

the aesthetics: it just plain looks good. it matches the games pretty accurately, it brought the world of fallout to this new medium very well. visually, it definitely looks like fallout, and i thought it had some nice cinematography and shot framing. i like that it was never too dark to see what was going on, i like that it was fairly vibrant even with the unavoidable Brown Wasteland, Metal Grey Vault palettes. the costumes were great. i liked how the people looked realistic for the world they're living in. i would have liked cooper to be more standard ghouly, but after having seen the full show, i'm fine with it. the ghouls have a lot of range, physically, and it does make sense for cooper to be more human-like because he's actively preserving himself, and probably did so pre-war as well. all in all it was visually great

the main characters: lucy is a fantastic main character. i love how shaped she is from living in vault 33 specifically, with her moral compass, view of the world, social uniqueness, and relationship with sex. i adore that she's such a positive person, always wanting to see the best in others and make the best of any situation, but that doesn't mean she can't get hurt and angry, can't fight when she has to. she's fun and badass, i really like her. maximus is just as complex, shaped by the brotherhood instead of the vault--again, moral compass, view of the world etc all coloured by where he's spent most of his life, just in a different way from lucy. more grey, more skewed, more manipulated, in my opinion, even though of course vault 33 was quite manipulated as well. his struggle with identity is awesome. i like how both of them are a little weird, a little socially unhinged, and majorly biased about the world. i enjoyed maximus' struggle and journey with coming into his own. i'll be eager to see that continue in s2. cooper took me almost the ENTIRE season to warm up to. at first he was the kind of character i found interesting, but difficult to like. right from the start, you know he wasn't always like this, and 200 years in the wasteland has understandably changed him, but i was still very "fuck this guy, hes a prick and he annoys me" for most of the show. the final episode finally tipped me over onto the "okay yeah im properly into this character now" side. he's definitely layered, just takes a bit to see more than the outer one that makes him just look like... a major piece of shit. i love a dark character as much as the next guy, but i prefer if it Makes Sense, and i didn't fully get him until the last ep. eager to see how he develops going forward as well. don't have a lot to say about norm, i just really like him. hell yeah fuck shit up, little bro

the side characters: betty and stephanie fascinate me, especially after learning who they really are. moldaver is SO COOL and a milf for real oh my god i'm a little obsessed. thaddeus surprised me with his depth. ma june was really cool and felt sort of quintessential fallout to me. even just the one-off people of the wasteland were really interesting to me. they were real people with a place in this world, no matter how small. (you'll notice i havent mentioned dane, even though being nb myself, a nb character should be a big deal to me. well. i still dont entirely know how i feel about dane, unfortunately)

the vault lore: from start to finish, i was HOOKED on everything to do with the vaults. the concept of 3 vaults being connected and able to trade with each other when necessary was interesting. i liked the concept of vault 33 and how it gave the characters a different culture about relationships and sex. then i enjoyed the suspense of the lie unravelling, of following norm's arc of defying what he'd been raised with to figure everything out. it was very tense and mysterious.

vault lore part 2: historically, i've not been a fan of pre-war society actually being shown. didn't like that they did that in fo4, though part of that could be that i just massively dislike the choices they made for it, including how it locked the player too much into an unchangeable (heterosexual) backstory. i guess i'm not fully against the pre-bomb time being shown as long as it's lore-friendly, and i'm pleasantly surprised that the show was pretty lore-friendly indeed. not entirely. i have some major gripes that i will get into later, but i liked the tension and intrigue of the big corporations doing their gross capitalism shit, and cooper finding out just how fucked up they are. the idea of the vault ownership being split up between different companies and therefore different ideals so "the best ideas of how to continue civilization can win" was interesting! i think it's more grounded to say that most vaults were trying to make something viable for the future, not just fucked up experiments for the sake of it, but the ideas were extreme and many doomed to failure. i wouldn't even say this is a retconn, a lot of the vaults, even the ones that got really messed up, can be viewed as an attempt at making something good, just with amoral methods

how the brotherhood was portrayed: FINALLY bethesda has written the brotherhood in a way more reflective of what they're supposed to be. the brotherhood are not the ultimate heroic knights in shining armour. they're not just a grandstanding military faction. caveat that i don't know the fo4 brotherhood personally, but fo3!brotherhood was so incomprehensible. in fo1, the brotherhood is reclusive and focused on technological / scientific information. they are a force to be reckoned with when convinced to take good action, but they're on the insular side. in fo2, they're a destroyed shadow of what they were, with barely any presence. in fnv they're even more reclusive, entirely xenophobic to anyone outside of the brotherhood and further stuck in their ways. you can help them improve, but there are cult vibes. and the show? i am impressed by how they focused on those cult vibes! the brotherhood doesn't have to be 100% the same every time when there's a lot of geography between chapters and different points in the last 200 have different needs, different goals and enemies, but the brotherhood should, imo, always be a grey area. when lucy asked "this is good right, the brotherhood are the good guys?" and maximus and thaddeus were like....... eh... it's. a complicated organization. THATS THE REAL SHIT. complex. a bit uncomfortable because they're reclusive and teach their people biased ideas of the wasteland. an ideology that makes sense in-verse, but isn't a simple dichotomy of good or bad. some parts of it were uncomfortable for me in a "well thats an odd writing choice" but most of it was uncomfortable in the way the brotherhood is SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable, and i am here for that

the scene where maximus comes clean to lucy and she accepts him, because she's learned how complicated the surface world is, and she has been travelling with him enough to see who he really is

the fnv theme cue when the ncr flag was shown. got me emotional fr

lucy is down to fuck and i LOVE that for her. it's great to see a female main character be so into sex without it being for any reason other than... she thinks sex is good and fun

the lucy/maximus ship. im officially on team "people who say its boring and lacking in chemistry might be not giving the black character the consideration he deserves because of internalized racism" sorry

i can ALSO get behind the lucy/cooper ship, after the last episode. it feels like theyre on somewhat even ground now. i can go for a begrudging allies pair. they should have rough, angry sex and remind each other it doesn't mean anything after and then they both go and pine and/or brood about the people they wish they were with, or wish they were with but in a happier story

the music in general

cx404 my beloved <3

things i did not enjoy:

the biggest issue is, of course, the way the show completely fucked with and/or retconned fallout: new vegas. in my opinion, it was very disrespectful, to the point where it's hard to see it as anything but maliciously intentional for mr. todd 'liar' howard to literally nuke the center of west coast fallout's world. it feels scummy. it feels tone deaf. it feels like a kid stomping on another kids sand castle at the beach because all they understand is destruction and coming out on top. and it also makes NO sense. the show says shady sands was bombed in 2277, which is the year of the first battle of hoover dam, and 4 years before the start of fnv. it renders everything in fnv void. the thing is that shady sands is just one small part of the ncr--in fo1, its a small farming village just getting started and a couple generations later in fo2, it isnt even recognizable as shady sands anymore, its just. The New California Republic. it's huge! it's sprawling! bombing a single city wouldn't have wiped out the ncr--and even the show acknowledges this with vault 4 and moldaver's people--but it's still too significant a calamity that fnv could have happened the way it did proceeding it. you can't just add an event like this and think it'll work when no one in fnv mentions it, when it can't retroactively impact the ncr's future that is already shown. and even though the show does allow that remnants of the ncr have survived, they didn't do it in the way that makes sense, in my opinion. what would make sense is having an entire nation losing its capitol, but the rest being able to continue on. it doesnt make sense for them to become what they did in the show, nor having it be a non-issue during fnv. the ncr could not have had a continued presence in the mojave if that nuke really happened. ive seen pieces of articles and such about how they were careful to follow the timeline and "dont worry, fnv still happened!" but.... they most certainly did not follow the timeline, and what they did utterly fucks up fnv's narrative

the answering of the question "who fired the first bomb". while i enjoyed the backstory, i did not enjoy this question being answered. the point of fallout is not who was right and who was wrong. the point isnt about there being a good side, a bad side, a justification for anything. the point is that nuclear bombs are horrific and what happened to the world is the ultimate tragedy. and it's about communities still being able to rise from the ashes and make something real. it's about people being able to survive and thrive. yes, conflict persists, but the world has not ended, and in west coast fallout, entire cities have grown up from nothing to take on a way of life all on their own, different from the pre-war days, but no longer weighed down by the tragedy, either. east coast fallout is post-apocalypse. west coast fallout is post-post-apocalypse. it's supposed to be post-post-apocalypse, and who dropped the bombs does not matter. the point is that war never changes--but people do. the old world is gone, what happened happened, and society has to move on. answering the question of who dropped the bombs serves no narrative purpose

and if america dropped the bombs on themselves--what does that mean for the rest of the world? of course, we have never known if the rest of the world is still out there continuing as normal, but making the bombs in america an inside job has new implications for china's part in everything. i do wonder if the shift away from the american-chinese conflict is a sensitivity issue. i'm not knowledgeable enough on the topic to speak on it further

robert house's potential/likely character assassination: the best way i could possibly read it is that house was being reticent about his true feelings because it wouldn't have been very tactful to oppose an entire room of capitalism moguls. but his part in planning the bombs is, if taken at face value, utterly opposed to his actual goals as stated in fnv. i want to believe he was just flying under the radar to get information. but it either doesnt make sense, or we dont have the full story yet, because house's intentions were to save new vegas from the bombs, and he wasn't able to save the entire area, which he should have been able to do if in the know, and he also would have been able to get the platinum chip on a better timeline if he was in the know. i'm trying to reserve judgement in case they elaborate on him in s2, but s1!house is.... not fnv!house

needed more pre-existing rad creatures. i'm guessing the bear was supposed to be a yao guai even though they didn't name it, but the gulper was new, and i wouldve liked to see geckos, maybe nightstalkers or cazadors if possible, just... anything properly reminiscent of west coast fallout. based on the final scenes, i'd like to think we'll see deathclaws in s2. please.

sometimes there were bouts of confusing / weird writing. episode 6 in particular had me a bit "what the fuck is going on and why are certain characters acting like this????". the scene where maximus reveals himself to thaddeus was also lackluster in my opinion. i think it should have been drawn out at least a bit. maximus trying to explain, thaddeus being conflicted--not just an immediate flip. it's hard to believe maximus would injure thaddeus THAT badly without trying something else first. whiplash for real. maximus was a little weird in vault 4 and i genuinely don't know what vibe they were going for. at first i thought he'd been drugged and the people there were going to experiment on him. (also how did cooper NOT SEE the "test subjects" over the door when he was doing the vault-tec ad? i dont remember if the name plate was shown in the commercial itself but i sure hope not or, uhhh... people would have known something bad was up). it was just a bit ??? for me, that whole damn episode. what was with the ncr remnants acting Like That? i don't get it and it was never addressed again? am i just supposed to believe that a couple decades or whatever separated from the ncr society has turned them into a cult? what association do they even have with moldaver anymore? its all so weird and unexplained. and if moldaver opposed vault-tec, how did she end up in cryo with them? i guess she didn't actively walk away from it? maybe im missing something here

on that note, the portrayal of the ncr: moldaver and her people end up being ncr but they were played the whole time like raiders. only for the end of the show to have moldaver's settlement be totally normal people just living their lives. what the hell? and the vault 4 people, again, were unsettling and confusing, i don't understand what i'm supposed to take away from this. i suppose the point is that time has changed both groups, and moldaver's been pushed to extremes, but the framing was just.... weird and iffy for me. it's a far cry from the ncr i'm used to

final thoughts:

i did overall enjoy the show, but i suppose, as they say about games like fo4, "it was a good show, but it wasn't a good fallout show". i was pleasantly surprised in a lot of ways, but the fact remains that bethesda misses, or disregards, the whole point of fallout. often they go directly against the original message of fallout. most modern fallout just isn't what it was when it started or what it is when created by people who were there at the beginning. it's painful being a west coast fan specifically, sometimes, because todd is always finding new ways to massacre my boy. but if i pretend this isn't canon and that it has no bearing on one of my favourite games, if i look at it just as it is instead of something that hinges with a bunch of other stories... it was surprisingly enjoyable. i just have to turn off the part of my brain that wants to fight mr howard in the dennys parking lot at 4am