#does this sound like a specific condition to anyone? i have ideas but i want peer reviews

[la-dee-dah-dah-day]

Trying my hardest to not worry about the pain I have that has spread from one knee to the hip above, to below my hip and below my knee and above my knee and to my toes, and to my other hip and other knee qnd down my other leg. Like, I'm trying SO HARD to not panic. Kinda failing sometimes, but I'm trying!!

[exhaslo]

Puzzle Pieces Ch13

(Mafia!Miguel x Shy!Reader)

Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5, Ch6, Ch7, Ch8, Ch9, Ch10, Ch11, Ch12

Warning: Smut so Minors DNI, mentions of abuse, blood, murder, language, fluff, bullying, mentions of sex, praise

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The only thing that you swore you could hear was the sound of your own pounding heart beat. Your body was still slump against the beg, legs too weak to move. Tears were still rolling down your cheeks as your mother's voice echoed inside your head.

"I-I need...I n-need to..." The words kept getting caught in your throat.

Reaching for your phone again, you quickly texted Miguel. You needed to inform him about your parent's plan. It was unfair. How could they decide something for you? You had specifically told them that you needed to get away from Eddie.

Perhaps you should have told them the reason, but would that have made a difference? Recalling the many times your parents ignored the bruises you had or the many hospital visits, you knew that this was nothing new.

Upon hearing your phone buzz, you quickly picked it up.

'Sorry, baby, I'm in a very important meeting. Can't talk right now, but Lyla will be there soon.'

It was just a text message. You replied with a simple, 'okay', and sunk back into the bed. Miguel was a busy man. You didn't want to distract or interrupt his important work. You would just have to wait until he got back to tell him the horrible news.

----------

It took about an hour, but you were finally ready to hang out with Lyla for the day. Mentally, you were not ready, but you had to be. It would be best to distract yourself. You couldn't let your parents or Eddie ruin your life anymore.

"Helloooooooooooooo~" Lyla cheered as she twirled inside the penthouse. You jumped, pinching your sleeves,

"H-Hello. L-Lyla?" You questioned. Lyla gasped at the sight of you,

"Oh! You must be (Y/N)! You are cuter in person! No wonder Miguel is head over heels for you!" She chirped, wrapping her arm around yours, "Today is going to be so much fun! I hope you're ready to have a girl's day! Jessica!"

"I'm here, I'm here." Jessica said with a heavy sigh.

You felt a little overwhelmed the moment you heard another voice, but immediately recognized the other woman. You glanced at Lyla, then towards Jessica in awe. Miguel really was watching over you while you were working.

You ended up smiling to yourself as you easily followed the two women downstairs. They were happily enjoying their conversation with each other. You wanted to chip in, but were too shy to say anything. They were still strangers to you.

"Alright, so (Y/N), where do you want to start?" Lyla asked as they approached a car similar to Miguel's.

"U-Uh, I...W-What does...What does Miguel...l-like?" You whispered as you gripped your sleeves. Jessica raised her head, her jaw agape,

"I wasn't told we were shopping for Miguel."

"Ohhhh, neither was I! This is going to be even better!" Lyla laughed and pulled out her phone, "You are so cute, (Y/N), I know just where to go~"

-----------

Miguel felt a shiver run down his spine. He glanced up towards the lab's air conditioning, wondering if it was blasting higher than normal. Wanting to shake the feeling off, Miguel continued his walk around the lab, listening to one of his scientists give an explanation of their yearly findings.

"Sir, with your permission, there is a project that some of the men would like to conduct downstairs in lab number four." The scientist spoke up. Miguel lazily glanced in his direction,

"What project?"

"It appears that there is a new drug on the streets that is causing a-"

"No." Miguel yelled loudly, "Do you have any idea what could happen if anyone finds that drug here? Whom ever is the source of importing that cursed drug will not use Alchemax as a scrape goat."

"I understand that, sir, which is why we created a safe way for no one to find out. We want to break down the drug and see what is causing such an effect in humans." The scientist begged. Miguel gave one more glare towards his scientist,

"That drug will not enter this building. The only way you can get that accursed item in these labs is if the CDC contacts us personally. Understood?" Miguel hissed, his glare more menacing than ever.

"Y-Yes, sir!"

Miguel scoffed before making his way out of the lab. Normally, he'd behave himself a little better in front of anyone outside his mafia, but not for this. That drug was going to be the death of him. Not only was it threatening his family, but now his job.

As Miguel walked around Alchemax, he kept an eye on his watch. Awaiting any news about either Eddie or this drug. Spotting a photo message, Miguel clicked on it and immediately grew flustered. He rushed into the closest private room and called Lyla.

"Yes~" Lyla cooed over the phone. Miguel nearly grinded his teeth,

"¡Me estás matando! (You're killing me!) You're supposed to be helping (Y/N) with shopping, not sex toy hunting!" Miguel spat. Lyla just laughed over the phone,

"I told you he'd love it~"

"A-Are y-you sure? I-I um..."

"Dios mio (My god), put (Y/N) on the line."

"H-Hello, Miguel," You hummed happily. Miguel smiled towards the sound of your voice before noticing his erection,

"Baby, you know you don't have to listen to all of their suggestions. Just pick whatever you like out and I will love it. Honest," Miguel said sweetly before locking himself in the room.

"A-Are you s-sure?"

"Yes."

"O-Okay...Um, M-Miguel...L-Later...I...I h-have s-something important t-to tell you."

Miguel furrowed his brows by the sound of your voice. You were trying your best to not stutter as much, but Miguel knew that something was wrong.

"(Y/N), what's wrong? It doesn't have to wait until later if it's hurting you now."

"..."

"(Y/N)?"

"M-My...My parents...called me....and..." You were whispering with a shaky breathe, "T-They engaged me...w-with...w-with my...my...ex!"

Miguel nearly crushed his phone as you sobbed over the phone. His blood began to boil as he stood from his seat. Approaching the window in the private room, Miguel glared down at the city below his feet.

"Don't worry, (Y/N), everything will be okay. I'll take care of you."

"M-Miggy," You sobbed quietly as Lyla and Jessica comforted you, "C-Can I...Can I move in?"

"Of course." Miguel whispered, "Baby, I have something I need to do now. Have Lyla and Jessica take you by your apartment to start moving your stuff. Okay?"

"O-Okay."

Once you hung up, Miguel let out an angry yell. He proceeded to slam his fists into the nearest table, destroying it with ease. Once he was calm enough, Miguel reached for his phone again and decided to make a few calls.

----------

You felt horrible. You were having such a good time with Lyla and Jessica and you ended up a crying mess. Luckily, you were able to squeeze out that you were not crying because of them. God, that would make you feel worse.

"Is this where you live?" Jessica questioned as they arrived in a shitty neighborhood, "This is Kraven's territory."

"Was," Lyla whispered. You rubbed your eyes as you looked for your building,

"What...do y-you mean by that?" You asked. Jessica sighed softly since Miguel had not told you anything yet,

"This area belonged to a former mafia family, but...They were taken over so now it's safe here." She explained. Lyla pitched in,

"Taking a while to get repairs done though. The permits from the city sure do take a minute,"

"Ah,"

You just agreed, slowly processing what they said. Once you were at your building, the two women followed you in. You offered your couch to Jessica, not wanting the pregnant women to move around too much.

Looking for your suitcase, both you and Lyla started to pack some of your stuff. Lyla reassured you that she could get a moving truck by tomorrow for some of your bigger things if you truly wanted to keep them.

"T-Thank you both...s-so much for t-today and...everything," You whispered and glanced over at Jessica, "A-And t-thank you...for...for watching me...at...at work."

"Heh, no problem girl. When Miguel cares for someone, he will make sure that you are always cared for."

You smiled brightly as you thanked the two once more. Right as you were going to bring down your bags, Lyla had the driver come and help. You offered everyone a quick drink before grabbing some of your stuffed animals and returning to the car.

"Can I just say, I was so surprised Miguel's place was covered in these little guys. You sure work wonders." Lyla chuckled. You covered your face, feeling embarassed,

"M-Miguel j-just kept buying them...H-He said he doesn't mind."

"Amazing. Anyway, why don't we take this Christmas shopping more seriously. Let's go find a gift for Miguel." Jessica said with a grin.

---------

Eddie inhaled deeply as he watched you leave with the other two women. He threw his cigarettes' on the floor and exhaled. A large puff of smoke floating into the air as he snarled. At least now he finally found where you lived, but-

"That had to be her the other day." Eddie spat.

Frustrated that his former toy had found a new man to fuck, Eddie cussed and yelled. He kept his glare towards your building, knowing that eventually you had to come back. You were going to be his again. Eddie was a forgiving guy.

He could forgive you.

After a little lesson, of course.

Walking down the street, Eddie saw some homeless people cozying up by a trash fire. Approaching the small crowd, Eddie grinned from ear to ear as he took out a decent size bag of his new drug.

"Hey, fellas. Got a job for ya." Eddie offered.

Once a deal was struck, Eddie decided to head back to his base of operations. He needed to get things moving with his drug if he wanted to take over the city. As he walked down the snow covered streets, Eddie felt his phone go off.

"What's new?" Eddie answered before slowly coming to a stop, "Whoa, what do you mean you were bought out?! You're the owner! You can say no-"

Feeling as if he was being watched, Eddie hurried down the street. He cussed as he kept his conversation with the person on the other line. After a while, Eddie found a quiet and remote spot where those eyes disappeared.

"We had a deal. How are we supposed to distribute our drug across the city now?" Eddie hissed.

'We can still use the girl'

"Fuck it. We can still use (Y/N). Little slut can wiggle her way onto the other mafia leader laps to spread the drug. Tsk, and we wanted this to be easy," Eddie whispered to himself since he had hung up a while ago.

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Eddie reached for a different looking cigarette. He lit it up and inhaled deeply before continuing to walk around the city.

"We can still use, (Y/N). We...can still use her."

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next chapter

@migueloharacumslut @18lkpeters @deputy-videogamer @leahnicole1219 @synamonthy @thedevax @jolynesposts @thraetor @freehentai @2099hitmylineyline @vvampir3s @dontfollowmepleaseitsannoying @secretadmirerisnowonline @jadeloverxd @bunnibitez @oharasfilipinawife @randomgoosegame @lilbanas @daisy-artfield @axi-moore @mimiemie @darkfairy102190 @jazzyj1011 @mcmiracles @innercreationflower @spoderssimp @thel0velykey190 @moonvoidpng @yougavemeyourheartyouknow @scaleniusrm @love4saturn @nyxgoddessofchaos13 @slutty-chronicles @ghstypaint @migueloharastruelove @brainmatterdump @a060403 @trendyharold @yannauauau @kimivixen @angel-xx-1 @nxrdamp @miguelzslvtz @lynxslokley @wafflefries786 @pochapo @what-the-jams @flaps200 @ii-angelsrolltheireyes-ii @nakimushiohime @tojishugetiddies @aya-world @supercowgirl04 @mysteris-things @daisy-artfield @mcmiracles @alexa4040 @llama--drama @kpopscoups17130000 @havkjhdecs @ruexvn @tojishugetiddi @openup-yourmind @black-swan-blog27 @xstarsdiary @kiddisquacking @gachagator @yujyujj @emmyrxx @blackteamint @sockears @black-swan-blog27 @soraya-daydreams @byjessicalotufo @nanoinn @bunnibitez @aockskcw @l3laze @dimitri-needs-therapy

[littlemissstel]

Random Headcannons - Shiu Kong

Mostly established relationship, mentions of children, somewhat proofread

dividers by @bernardsbendystraws

Because Shiu is constantly in the car, he absolutely refuses to put the radio on. He'd only hear the same songs on repeat anyway and he'd rather not feel like he's being held hostage in his own car.

"I was being force fed the same copy and paste break up songs, Doll. My own breathing pattern has more diversity than that."

Once, on a particularly plain day, he decided to enter one of those radio challenges were you can win 20 thousand pounds if you text the studio's number after a specific song plays. He quit an hour later and never looked back.

When you and Shiu become close he lets you handle the aux.

He is the master at ignoring people. More often than not, it is on purpose. The other times he is just too stuck in his own head to be concerned about the outside world.

He is not good at ignoring sounds though, so when your child has the same video on repeat, laughing harder every time they watch it, he dies a little inside.

If the two of you have children, planned or not, he quits smoking completely. He'd also do this if you had a medical condition like asthma and get irritated from the smoke.

He'd joke that he gave his children weak lungs whenever they let out even the smallest of coughs, then proceed to deny ever touching a cigarette when asked about it later.

"I'm an angel, kid. Never touched anything and neither should you."

Is a very clean man. Does not entertain the whole "two-in-one" nonsense. Has a set collection of products he uses and gosh, does he smell heavenly. Changes and washes his sheets every Saturday. When you moved in together, he bought only silk bedding and pillow cases because he found out it was good for your hair.

Gets pissy whenever a client leaves wrappers or any other junk in his car.

Is easily annoyed over loud chewing noises but he can be quite passive and will stare at them with the appropriate amount of judgement or disgust.

If you didn't work together, he wouldn't tell anyone about his romantic life outside of work. A private man. He debated on whether or not he should wear his ring into work following your engagement. He didn't think it would cause any safety concerns, his main problem was dealing with questions... specifically-

"What's this? A ring. Didn't know you had a chick by your side Shiu."

His long-term co-worker, also known as Toji, quirks up with a most sickening smirk - rivaling the Cheshire cat.

"None of your business Fushiguro, now pay attention. I need you to have tra-"

"I can't pay attention with that thing blinding my eyes, oh, it hurts to look at-"

A pause.

"It's a band."

"Yeah, an expensive one."

Shiu sighs, already exasperated as he tries once more with the black haired man.

"I need you to track down the girl by Friday otherwise we will have compromised the deal with our client. And i know you want to get paid."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm working on it. You've got bigger things to worry about now."

Thank you guys for the love and support you've given, it means so much!! Sending my love xx

What are your headcannons?

Please feel free to leave any ideas/recomendations!

[miirshroom]

Shadow of the Erdtree - How Miquella Healed Freyja

He didn't. She's dead - they all are. Go to the suppression pillar and the game says very directly that death washes up in the Shadowlands.

"But that doesn't make sense because the player character is in the Shadowlands and isn't dead-" Yes you are. The Tarnished who return are "ye dead who yet live" and always have been. You are a special kind of living dead who can still see the Guidance of Grace and use it to teleport. This is the power that both you and Melina have. If you or any other character did not have this power, then what possible exit point is there from the Shadowlands?

The Scarlet Rot can't be cured in the Lands Between for the average person - as seems to be demonstrated by the Cleanrot Knights - but any wound can heal in death if a person believes that they have suffered enough and deserve healing. It's like, the #1 comfort that certain religions offer to people - that if they live a morally good life they will be rewarded in the afterlife. If Freyja only knew Miquella by reputation and rumours as a Great Healer who could even help Malenia then she would be willing to believe that he can heal her. And because dreams come true in death that is what happens.

"Long ago, I was stricken by scarlet rot in the Swamp of Aeonia. Immobile, feverish, and in great pain, I was entirely resigned to death. I was left behind, and only Kindly Miquella was enough to seek me out. My wound was swollen and festering — exuding a most pungent odour — and yet he drained the poison from it." - Freya, SotE

If something sounds too unbelievable to be true it probably is. Freyja was feverish at the time of this healing and does not describe exactly how she got to the Shadowlands. None of them do, except for Leda also meeting at the withered arm (and I have thoughts about what it means that Leda specifically meets you there). But you the player know that the conditions for getting Radahn and Mohg involved in the DLC storyline was to kill them. It's a frequent enough feature of ghosts that the dead do not realize that they are dead. Often this is a twist reveal at the end which makes it hard to discuss examples, but basically everyone knows about the Sixth Sense by now. Spirits "only see what they want to see. They don't know they're dead." There's also an early episode of Supernatural TV show that does this well.

"When the weak were infected with the dreaded fly sickness, they perished well before the metamorphosis could take hold. Oddly, those who cared for the infected made certain they were given a proper burial were never afflicted themselves." - Ailment Talisman, SotE

Sickness is not contagious here because the transmission of disease does not follow logical rules based on immune systems and disease vectors. A person will only suffer sickness if they believe that this is the punishment that they deserve even in death. That anyone is suffering here is an extension of the trope about dead people being oblivious to their status - the idea that people create their own torment in death if they think that it's what they deserve. The 1998 film "What Dreams May Come" is about this. And that title is based on a passage from Hamlet:

"To die, to sleep— To sleep—perchance to dream. Ay, there’s the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come"

[writefightandflightclub]

Santi +/x AuDHD!reader headcanons

(could be platonic or romantic - but written as not co-habiting)

Author’s note: maybe this is too niche, idk, but sometimes I like to think about the blorbos and how they’d interact with an AuDHD reader (because that’s me, so for obvious reasons). I headcanon that Santi is particularly compatible with a neurodivergent reader, maybe because I’m being self-indulgent… but also because why on earth would he not be? So here are a few poorly written / cobbled together thoughts which have been rattling around in my brain.

PLEASE NOTE: These are written in as general a way as I could manage (which may make it slightly less fulfilling, sorry, as it’s therefore lost specificity) but please note: since everyone who is AuDHD is so completely and vastly different, I couldn’t possibly have made this “fit” everyone’s experiences. Sorry if there are things you don’t relate to, but I tried to include a few more common experiences in there so hopefully there’s at least something.

Also! If you have any hcs of your own (for any Oscar/Pedro characters) PLEASE share them because I want more ND!reader content out there! 😀🧡 (Will also consider ND!reader requests if you have them, provided I think I can do it justice!)

Warnings: brief mention of panic attacks / anxiety (Santi). Geared towards ways that Santi helps reader out - that’s where my head was at, so it is what it is. Broadly neuro-affirming, I’m not putting anyone down for any traits ofc, even if they do cause challenges sometimes! Hope that makes sense!

Santi is so organised and tidy. He can make a plan and execute it with great attention to detail (have you seen that storage locker?!). If you struggle to stay organised and keep the house tidy etc., Santiago will have no issue helping you out, whether it’s coming up with a routine, creating a system, or simply doing a quick blitz anytime he’s over at your house. He finds it sorta therapeutic anyway, and you never feel like he’s doing it because he judges you or the condition of your place. It’s just wired into him to find order. Hell, sometimes if you lose something around the place you call him to see if HE can remember where he last saw it, and usually he can. That military routine never really left him, even all those years later, so he’s a great constant for modelling structure!

Santi will FaceTime you to body-double whatever chores you want to complete. For example; you have a Wednesday evening tradition to call each other while you each fold the laundry, or do whatever else you need to get done. You do get things done, and he makes you laugh the whole time too. He sticks to this routine as much as he can, no matter what else he has going on, or which country he is in. He loves this quality time with you, and to him it’s just a bonus that it helps you out.

Running late to meet him? He’s learned to bring a book and a flask of coffee along. He’ll wait, you’re worth it.

Sensitive to noise? Santi can’t relate fully, but he knows what it’s like for some sounds to instil negative effects. (See how this veteran is feeling around the fireworks at 4th July and you’ll get it.) He will respect your need for quiet when you need it. Besides, he’s slowed down a lot since his younger years and more and more enjoys the little things like curling up and reading a book. That said, if you want some stimulation and fancy hitting a dive bar with blasting music, or wanna dance in the kitchen, he can also be convinced. He has the range to accommodate all of your sensory preferences, your routines and your impulsive ideas, and he’ll gladly follow your flow.

He’s a magician at regulating you. This man is observant and can read people like nobody’s business, so he knows when you’re getting overstimulated or overwhelmed - often before anyone else does. When he sees it happen he’s happy to help you calm your nervous system however you need. Whether that’s a soft / firm hug, distracting you by talking to you in his soothing voice, working-out with you, letting you fidget with him - his hands, bracelets, whatever - or borrowing a texture of his, like playing with his soft curls.

Better believe this guy sends you texts throughout the day to check that you’ve eaten / drank water.

If you’re running late to an appointment and he’s free he will 100% drive you.

He loves to cook and always “accidentally” makes extra, so that you always have a stock of tasty “emergency” meals in your freezer for days when you don’t have the energy / functioning to cook.

Don’t wanna make the phone call? Santi will do it for you. Besides, he can charm the socks off of anyone so it’s probably best he deals with it anyway.

Santi is charming but he also has the ability to be straight down the line in his communication, especially with you as he trusts you so much. That means you rarely have to guess what he’s thinking or feeling about any particular thing. He lays it out for you and that’s super helpful. Of course, he can be closed off about his more complex, deeper emotions, but that’s something you seem to bring out of him - at least, in ways that no-one else has managed. You’ve had plenty of deep heart-to-hearts with the man and you know you can count on each other in a pinch, whether you need comfort or to vent about something you have going on.

Santi experiences panic attacks and anxiety and can relate to some of the ways you also struggle. He gets that people’s brains work in different ways and he’s far from judgemental about that. You’ve never once made him feel lesser when he’s been struggling and he will NEVER do that to you either.

Your sense of humour cracks him up no end.

He loves that you can be “blunt” / direct / a little “too honest”. He always knows where he stands with you, and for someone as (secretly) insecure as Santi that’s no small thing.

If you indicate you are burnt-out… he BELIEVES you. No questions asked - except for what you need, of course.

Forgotten something? Santi has started carrying spares. This man is nothing if not prepared, and now that simply extends to you. Whatever day-to-day items you carry (or often lose) he makes a mental note of the item and brand and buys multiple - for his place, his truck, wherever.

This man has social skills galore, so you can lean on him at parties, or in whatever situation if you’re feeling uncomfy or want a “way in” to a conversation. You can even leave him to do all the talking if you like, though of course he will enable you to have the floor if he can see that you want it. On the flip side, if you talk a lot, he is absolutely listening and rapt with whatever you are coming out with.

Don’t always look him in the eye? That’s okay. The man is so beautiful he’s used to people not being able to stare directly at him 😝 Besides, he finds you and your mannerisms completely charming.

He’s deadly, sure, but overall he’s actually quite a calm and not hugely reactive person - especially in a crisis. That can be so helpful in balancing you out on some occasions where you may react in a heightened way, or be emotional or worried / catastrophising about something. Despite his ability to skip town at the drop of a hat - before deciding to stick around - he does have the ability to be pretty steady and stable and sometimes that’s what you need.

He appreciates you and everything you do for him. He helps you out sometimes but you never feel “in his debt”. He is endlessly praising all of your amazing strengths and attributes (amidst some fond teasing ofc) and appreciates all that you are as well as all you do for him, and he couldn’t ask for a better person to have in his corner.

[goffilolo]

Adramelech theory time

Does anyone want to know a theory I have? no? Well, that's too bad you're getting it anyway.

Based on demonology Adramelech tried to gain worship as a sun god, alongside his sibling Anamelech who was considered a moon diety.

Does that sound familiar? Does that sound perhaps like Spade's royal family magic? Am I implying that all royals are shit regardless of the country and have a hobby of boosting their own power by stealing it from others? I sure am.

So here's the situation. Grinberyalls pulled the exact same shit as Silvamillions, except with devil magic. It's implied that the spade people know more about devils than they initially let on, Ciel included, so I wouldn't be surprised if they did some fuck ass ritual to steal Adramelech and his brother's attributes specifically.

But wait, you may say. Haven't we seen in canon that Adramelech can resist Lucifero's gravity and still has supreme devil levels of magic? He sure does and here's the catch. What he initially lost is an ATTRIBUTE, not mana itself. Kinda like Ladros who was born with no attribute at all.

Also the timing of WHEN the Grinberyalls became the ruling family with their magic is a little unclear. I'm even willing to go out on a limb and imply that it was around the time of when the first Qlipoth happened. Either they caught Adramelech and his brother during the 2nd gate opening and obtained his magic then OR the first Qlipoth was the responce to having their supreme devil's magic stolen by humans sometime before.

(Also not fully related to this theory, but I imagined that the first Qlipoth failed because it was sabotaged from the inside by Astaroth, who did not wish for human's extermination).

How does any of that relate to Adramelech working with Lucius? Well what if Lucius promised him to get rid of all of Grinberyalls in his grand plan, knowing that Adramelech and Anamelech would not get their full attributes back until the last Grinberyall is dead and thus the attributes can no longer be passed on to any further relatives?

My other idea was that Astaroth is tied into it more closely than initially shown. Maybe even having initally contracted Lucius, allowing him to use the power of prophecy as much as he pleases, on the condition that he can arrange the sun and moon magic to be returned to their original owners. If that is the case, then the spade coup may have been orchestrated by him before his disappearance, as killing all royal family members would release the attributes.

This brings me to my final point, the one that I think will result in Yuno stans hunting me down for sport, but here we go. Yuno is like the british empire, the culmination of stolen shit.

Wind magic? doesn't belong to him, it belongs to a soul of dead half-elf fetus that sits in his body and I'm pretty sure Bell was asleep for so long because she was supposed to be guardian spirit to that fetus when it grew up, but instead was in time out for 500 yeas until a twink shows up who just so happened to have the fetus soul living in him rent-free.

Star magic? Literally a result of stealing 2 devil attributes, followed by centuries of royal incest to ensure the celestial magic stays in the family. Sorry to burst your bubble, all royals are inbred, yes even your favourites. If Tabata wants to play loose canon with borrowing vague references from medieval Europe, so will I.

And you know what? From storytelling perspective it would be hysteric! The dude beloved by mana? The skinny legend that is stacking up magical buffs like a jenga tower? To reveal that all of his 'blessings' were not in fact blessings but came at the expense of somebody else? ALL OF THEM? This would be delicious. This would finally give us the relevant narrative parallel to Asta who has acknowledged long time ago that the power he wields is not his and did not even hesitate to try and give his grimoire away to the original owner.

[haunted-skitty-doll]

Skitty what are your thoughts on non-existence?

Ooh this is a good one!

To start, I think a state of non existence is

• most likely possible, and in fact inevitable (I think it's probably what happens before birth and after death)

• neither bad nor good, inherently

• best not to be feared, but should be avoided, and fear of it makes sense

• can inform what we do with existence

I can't say I know what's up with this whole consciousness thing, so I can't say I know where it comes from or where it goes without our bodies. But I think there's a pretty clear tie between our conscious experience and our brains, so it makes sense to me that no brain = no conscious experience.

And I don't think that's bad (inherently)! The idea of having never been born doesn't bother me, cause it's not like I'd be around to care or suffer. Similarly, I would say that I genuinely don't fear my inevitable death for that same reason.

BUT I also think that existing is pretty poggers and I wanna keep it up. Which leads me to elaborating on that "inherently" distinction, and my third bullet point.

Non existence is completely neutral. So I think there's comfort in knowing it's not bad! But that also means it's not good. So if existing is good, and non existence isn't, then it makes sense that you wouldn't wanna go from existing TO non existing. You could even argue that a transition from goodness to neutrality qualifies as badness, but I think that just leads to a mostly semantic discussion which is my least favorite type of philosophy. But it's also why I added "inherently" to my "non existence isn't bad" claim.

I don't fear my inevitable death, because I don't think I'll suffer (at least, not AFTERWARDS, the process of dying sounds scary). But it does make me a bit sad to think about having to say goodbye to all the things I love about life, even if I know I won't really "miss" them. This all is also why I believe that death isn't bad, but you can't just go around killing people. The ending of existence is different from just it's absence.

Before I move on to how a future non existence can inform our existence, I would like to say that there is more to "fear of non existence makes sense" than just "it makes sense that people wanna hold on to the good in life." I chose my words very carefully when I said "it's BEST not to fear non existence," rather than making any "should" statements. A lot of what I have been saying so far is similar to and a bit influenced by a reading from one of my classes by Lucretius (I can find the exact name of the text if anyone's interested.) He argues death isn't bad, because badness consists of sensations, which are absent in death. But he then says it is "groundless" to fear it and that's where he lost me.

What is fear? It's not something that comes from pondering a situation and deciding how to react to it, it's a natural reaction. One that, in fact, literally evolved so that we can avoid death. So I think it makes a lotta sense that death is so scary to people, no matter how many bullet points or tumblr posts you can make saying otherwise.

I said earlier that I believe our conscious experience is tied to our physical bodies, specifically our brains. So I think it only makes sense that physical conditions (instinctual response to stimuli, unmet needs, disability, being high, probably more) are going to affect our emotions, behavior, and thought processes in a way that isn't always possible to just reason our way out of. (Btw lemme know if anyone wants to see me talk about my thoughts on free will.) Philosophy is cool af, intellectualism is cool af, but I think there are times when going around telling people "I told u what's rational and you're being irrational. Wtf." just makes you not very fun at parties. (Also "rationality" and "irrationality" are very loaded terms that I could ALSO make a whole post about.)

ANYWAY, changing subjects a bit, it's time to go back to my final bullet point. While the idea of being dead eventually does make me a bit sad as I said earlier, I think assuming an inevitable, future non existence can provide some value while we're still here. It's a bit comforting to think that any suffering or mistakes aren't permanent, but getting TOO comfortable with this can lead to some bad places, not just for yourself, but how you treat others. But we'll come back to this.

I think, as many, many people have said long before me, that our existence being a limited time thing should motivate us to make the most of the things that we can only do while we exist. Have some fun! And do something to make other people's lives better too! I don't think you can do either of those after you're gone. YOLO basically.

Having fun and helping others are also both things that you will inevitably need some sacrifice to achieve. And THAT'S where I wanna get back to the idea of "there's comfort in your suffering not being eternal." Not to give up or look forward to the end, but to rest easy while you make the most of the good you can do.

You should play Persona 3.

[sith-shenanigans]

tier iv headcanons blease 👀

4. Makes a character or situation more relatable to me:

Let’s jump immediately to the heavy/complicated one. Force users are never neurotypical, by definition; their thought patterns and senses differ from their species’ norms. And I approach darksiders specifically and deliberately as being mentally ill—which, uh, sounds awful if it’s coming from someone who isn’t, but I am. Mental illness is part of the sapient condition, and it deserves narrative empathy and respect.

Using the Dark causes certain distortions in thinking, which differ from person to person, but tend to (as a basic rule) involve getting “stuck in their own head”; being much more seriously biased towards their own perspective (and often not realizing they should care about anyone else’s), tunnel vision on whatever they’re focused on, sometimes to the point of emotional solipsism (you know other people are real, but they don’t feel that way, or it doesn’t feel important). There are some people who vary from that—Ahene doesn’t really do a lot of that, because she’s so hypervigilant about analyzing other people that the characteristic thoughtlessness doesn’t appear—but they tend to have other issues, and generally those get drawn out the same way. (Okay, she does the tunnel vision thing, but she does that for autistic reasons. She just does it more now.) It basically tends to shove you very hard into whatever mindset you’re using to access the Force, and that is usually where “I want to do a thing” goes.

There tend to be emotional effects, of course (hypomania/actual mania and intense anger being most common, but it can go in most directions, honestly), though I don’t… like the interpretation some people have of “entirely kills your emotional control, usually in ways that don’t really read like any kind of realistic emotional reaction.” It makes it harder. Accessing the Force through yourself (which is what using dark side really means, in my headcanon) tends to magnify whatever is there. And some people… get the idea that they don’t really need emotional control? Which is an entirely different thing.

But, like, the important thing here is that cognitive distortions? Can be managed. Not perfectly—which is the other thing that bothers me, having characters who just Heroic Willpower through it unscathed—but it’s possible to have strategies. You can channel that druk. It’s going to affect you anyway! But being a reasonable member of society doesn’t require being “sane.”

(Or I’d be kinda screwed. No shame to anyone who doesn’t like the idea of “sanity” as a concept, but sometimes it’s reassuring to me to go “there is literally no reason why I should be incandescently angry about the idea of interacting with people I love, or feeling like my parents are strangers with no emotional connection, or whatever is happening here today” and the way I tend to think about that is “I’m objectively not sane and that’s just something I have to work around to be a reasonable person.” This personality disorder is a mood disorder in Groucho glasses, etc, etc.)

Anyway, while most Sith aren’t really managing things well—imo, they do kind of all have strategies? Most of them don’t think of it like managing a mental illness (Ahene and Verok being the exact opposite ends of that aside), but they all have their particular ways to wrangle themselves in the direction they want to go. And Sith society and social norms are built around that to a significant extent. A fair amount of the management of it unfortunately gets offloaded onto the regular people (bad), but the rules for Sith-to-Sith interaction are all calibrated around “how do we society when all of us are 90% problems by volume,” and I think that’s neat.

And also everyone can probably tell that I have one of the ✨bad ones✨ where sometimes when I get upset my brain flips the Wounded Abuser mindset and then I need to go hide away from society until I’m done being a werewolf because otherwise I am putting way, way too much effort into not deliberately being horrible to people. I’m not writing my darksiders as borderline (except the ones that actually are), but my brain is so good at inventing awful thought patterns, you guys. I’ve got to do something with them.

[tiers of headcanons]

[lucem-stellarum]

I'm not 100% sold on this yet myself, but...

What if chronically-ill Guy?

This is the 2nd sick video he has. I'm sure it's more due to the fact that Guy is pretty close to Erik's natural voice, and he doesn't have to worry about adding things like the magical sound effects or multiple characters, things that would require a lot of effort on the back end, or weaving in complicated plot heavy elements when he's not feeling well. But... have we gotten sick videos for any other character? I appreciate Erik wanting to continue providing content for us, but there are so many other character options. It gives us an opportunity to explore character depth.

I know it's a bit of a running stereotype that chronically ill (assorted flavors) overlaps with neurodivergent (assorted flavors) overlaps with writing (as both hobby and profession) but... what if though? He's got the latter two, so why not the first too? While its not impossible that he has some sort of obvious physical impairment (such as amputation, or requiring a wheelchair), if it was meant to be canon from the get-go I feel like Asher or Gavin/FL would have made a specific mention of it when they interacted with him. I sincerely doubt that he'd pull a JKR-Dumbledore and be all 'it was toootally there it just wasn't relevant to the ~story~' after the fact. Erik is decently good about #representation, though he does have to balance it out with wanting to keep his characters as physically vague as possible so we as listeners can project our own mental expectations. But, neither writing nor pizza delivery are necessarily automatically overwhelmingly physically demanding (plus, amputees/wc users absolutely can drive with proper assistive devices) so that doesn't automatically exclude invisible conditions either.

I'd have to do a bit more research before I decide if I want to hc a specific condition, of course. Especially if it's something I don't have myself. There are a couple qualities I have in mind, some criteria that I think would make sense with what we know about him. I also have do decide if there's any expectations I'd want to subvert with this. Like, I don't think something like celiac's or Crohn's disease makes sense because he works in a pizza shop, and seems to voluntarily eat that kind of food frequently. He's also super chaotic and high-energy just... all the time, even when he's sick, so something mental and depression-adjacent also doesn't sound quite right (with the caveat that ADHD and depression can coexist in ways that seem incompatible at first glance). I'm kind of vibing with something (or a treatment for something, like steroids treating eczema or COPD) that leaves him at least a little bit immunocompromised, because he seems to be frequently sick whereas Honey doesn't seem to catch it even though they're both worried it's contagious. I don't want to say anyone else's headcanon is invalid, but I'm still in the process of integrating this idea into my brain so I'm open to suggestions. I'm not afraid of ignoring minor canon details when it suits me, if there's something that would otherwise fit him perfectly.

Does anyone else have any specific ideas? Thoughts? Added dimensions that I'm missing out on or things I haven't considered yet?

[bloodpen-to-paper]

How the Kendom's Patriarchy Reflected the Patriarchy Within Ken

I know the title sounds stupid bear with me

I noticed the film made a point to show how much shittier the Kendom was to the Barbies than Barbieland was to the Kens. in the world we live in, women are conditioned to be considerate of others, sometimes at our own expense, while men are conditioned to conquer and pursue their goals without considering who that effects. This is what caused patriarchal ideals of women being something for men to "pursue" rather than people. We talk about this when discussing the male vs female gaze, how the male gaze objectifies while the female gaze aims to humanize. The Barbies simply ignored the Kens, the Kens could've made their own society if they chose too, while the Kens brainwashed and subjugated the Barbies. While the movie makes a point to say neither gender group having power over another is good and the gender field should be equal, patriarchal teachings have resulted in way more harmful consequences for women than anything to come out of the femcel/radfem sphere considering patriarchy is the current reality we live in.

Usually this would be enough to make its own point, but Greta didn't include this just to make more commentary on how the patriarchy effects women, but to specifically show what it does to the men within it. Ken's final arc revolved heavily around the idea of men "getting the girl" and feeling useless after Barbie rejected him, because that's a huge part of patriarchy. Patriarchy tells men that women are objects to be won, and that once they win a woman they are true men who have achieved their life goal. Many men base their entirely personality around being attracted to women, and it shows in how they talk, their jokes, how much they sexualize, etc. And when these same men fail to "get a girl" (because we are, in fact, people with our own wants and desires) they feel useless. That anger often leads them to the incel pipeline of thinking they are owed women's time, attention, and bodies, but above all it leads to them feeling hopeless and failed by false promises. The Kendom was fueled by that rhetoric, with Ken breaking down when he realized he couldn't make Barbie love him because that's all he's ever wanted. He was taught that was his life purpose, and he didn't know what to do when he realized Barbie is a woman who exists outside of him, and that he can't seem to do the same.

By doing this, Greta shows the nuance that comes with systemic oppression. Ken's arc is something that holds men accountable and doesn't make them seem like some untouchable and unavoidable boogeyman, but as people who make deliberate choices that negatively effect women. Similarly, because they are people, and because systemic oppression is never good for anyone, the movie shows how the Kens were also brainwashed by this system, and how its hurting them as well. The Kens, and really men, are pumped full of the same lies as women, and the movie calls for them to work on themselves to unlearn these teaching so that they can be better people to those they hurt, and be people to themselves. Not a conqueror, not a mate, but humans who don't need to obsess over their sexuality and ability to get female partners to be worth something. Men's worth doesn't rely on their interactions with women, just like women's value doesn't rely on their interactions with men. The two groups exist and need to start co-existing, because the gender divide has made all of us treat each other as another species rather than a person like anyone we'd find in our families, friend groups, etc. Gender should not be a roadblock, nor a source of fuel for how you interact with people; it should just be, in the same way hair color and height are. This message is not something that will resonate with all, but its important, and Barbie very effectively made it for all those who needed to hear.

[curieklei]

hiii so english isn't my first language and i'm learning more about gender and trans stuff and if i might be trans or something (i've been told i sound agender?? but that feels wrong), and something that confuses me, so i'm asking around abt it… "woman" used to simply denote afab, right? like a body type of ppl with a biological (not surgical) vagina & estrogen puberty. like a female dog. ppl say that it reduces women to their genitals, but what about with other animals? like female cat, female horse, etc, just bc we say "oh she's a girl" or "oh i have a male dog" doesn't mean we're saying they're only their genitals in that case, right…? a bitch is just a female dog, that's why it's a misogynistic word. misogyny is based on how ppl see someone without a penis as lesser, bc they don't have the power to forcibly penetrate and feel genital pleasure for it, they can't impregnate, they're "just a hole" etc. like so much of misogyny is just body-specific. the misogyny transfems experience seems terrible but also conditional? bc if they're found out to be amab they're treated as creepy men, so they then stop experiencing misogyny, they just face usually homophobia. meanwhile bio women (and transmascs who don't transition) have no exit door to the misogyny unless they transition and pass perfectly as male or something, and historically that wasn't an option. to me man & woman have always been neutral body types until i came across trans stuff, and i think the idea of gendered brains sounds sexist af. like gender seems like bullshit, i see me being a woman as just like being a female cat, i don't have ~womanly~ vibes in my brain, i was just born female and that's the least important thing about me, but male society made it weird. why should gender continue to be a thing? what does gender actually mean, if sexism was to be eradicated? is it bad if i view my womanhood as just a body type? most cis people i've talked to view their "gender" like this, as just a body type, like any other animal. they don't "feel" like one, they just have the body and aren't dysphoric about it. they might not always like it, but they don't have dysphoria about it, so they just… are. is that transphobic? i've heard mixed thoughts about it from trans ppl & activists, i'm just curious. feel free to ignore this lol ;;

Edit: A person in the replies has informed me that those may be are terf talking points disguised as questions to avoid suspicion so take this anon with a grain of salt. I'm keeping this post just in case anon is genuinely curious or something.

From what I see, reducing the societal importance of biological sex is indeed what's slowly happening, but it's definitely not in the same stage everywhere. It takes years for a person to unlearn something they were told their whole life, it takes generations for biological sex to lose importance.

I'll go over your questions:

Why should gender continue to be a thing?

I think you meant biological sex here. It's important to keep a little bit of it for medical purposes. Also imo it's possible for a culture to give it importance without ending up with a system that makes people feel awful sometimes.

What does gender actually mean, if sexism is to be eradicated?

I guess it'll just be a trait of a person in a similar way skin color is a trait of someone's body but like, with way more dimensions. It's kinda hard to put rules around this. Maybe it's just an answer to the question "What am I?".

Is it bad I view my womanhood as just a body type?

Lol do what you want it's your womanhood, your body and your you. There's nothing bad here and you're free to decide for yourself.

Is [not feeling much gender about your body] transphobic?

Doesn't feel transphobic to me, but anyone reading this is free to give their own take on this and the rest of what you said.

Idk what else to say so thanks for the ask and have a safe self discovery journey! Feel free to dm me or send another ask if you want to talk or me to add something to this.

[wubwubnparmaham]

wow that does put a lot of things into perspective...

it makes sense that hadrian would've gone under the radar if his condition wasn't as "apparent" so to speak. but in all of their time together, did auron never notice his twin's similar condition? did alexander?

also now i really agree that they should go see therapists even though I'm not sure how effective their visits would be

Answer below:

Auron absolutely noticed. He never much confronted him about it, but when he noticed signs and things that pointed to similar clinical behavior, he would sort of just stare in either understanding, sympathy, or offended frustration that nobody else seemed to be seeing what he was seeing, and he was getting all the flak for it. Nevertheless, he would subtly support him in those moments and provide him with everything he knew Hadrian needed, but he didn't talk about it objectively with him when they were both in sound mind, and he never tried to "expose" him to anyone else. He always wanted to take care of Hadrian (while also simultaneously screwing him over ofc), and he would protect him from certain things in a twisted but semi-helpful way.

Antinous knew as well, but MAINLY Marcius basically knew everything without having to be told. Marcius watched both boys grow up and he saw them for what they were, and he also kept the things he saw quiet and tried to make sure Hadrian was out of the public light if he was going through something intense.

Alexander was a bit less aware, but there were suspicions. The problem with his idea of things is that he thought a lot of Hadrian's bad behaviors could all be traced to Azazel and the specific bloodthirsty vampirism he had inherited that not even Auron had, which ofc made him extra monstrous. The really low periods Hadrian would have while they were sober flagged Alex as being due to addiction itself and the frustration that comes with restraining his desires. He also didn't see catatonia too much because Hadrian was always so distracted with him and putting all his mental energy INTO Alexander, like making him a lifeline of sorts that big traumas (his always centered around death and loss) managed to escape him for cennnnturies. He was putting all his happy cards into the thought of an immortal, unkillable Alexander, and it managed to stave off huge swaths of his depression and instability and other things for a long time. He still had his moments, but as i'd said, Alex never really recognized precisely what it was. He also didn't tend to see Auron at his worst very commonly either, maybe only a few times, so it was hard for him to recognize patterns. He knew Auron's mind and behavior best in only the way Hadrian could speak about it from his memories, but that was only ever Hadrian's side, and sometimes all he offered was "he's nuts" so Alex wasn't given all the clues and all the knowledge necessary. Every once in a while he'd definitely see something, but he wouldn't have enough to go on to truly understand what was going on, and having not known them at all as humans, he tended to conflate the issues he did see with vampirism, which he ALREADY viewed as an evil stain in one's psyche that should be repressed and denied, and would drive one to madness and unspeakable deeds, soooo he was a bad person to be diagnostic all around.

Liam and Harlock were two huge creatures to pick up on things, and they helped tremendously when Harry was at his absolute worst, and later Martin and Zayn saw echoes of it, that chapter I recently uploaded being an example. They'd seen it before, so they understood the signs and steps, but not nearly as much as Harlock and Liam had when it was semi-constant, and Harlock was the only one in Harry's life to truly work with and figure out precisely how he should be handled and what can be done to best support him, and he got really good at it.

When Alexander RETURNS, in the form of Louis, Harry is so distracted and so beside himself with hope and happiness that the Alex effect sort of returns, where he just puts all his focus in something other than loss, and the others definitely notice the impact. Statements about "I'm so happy he has you, Louis" are soooo loaded cuz they're speaking from a knowledgable standpoint of what he was like before, a collective understanding that isn't spoken about when Harry OR Louis are in earshot.

Louis gets a pretty good dollop of catatonia when they all come back home and Hadrian finally starts really processing the death of Auron post-burial and gravesite, when the ache of the empty loss hits him, but I haven't written that yet, and I might not unless it's requested.

[gaiamossiah]

Very random but hear me out, this has been in my mind for a while and finally for the first time since 2010, i can finally talk about it.

The only thing i didn't like about the 2006 animation of D.Gray-man was the filler episodes of Lulubell chasing the cross team. Actually, separating the group as they travel to get to Cross was NOT a bad idea and is actually kind of a good way to introduce Lulubell. BUT the way they got separated is quite dissatisfying 😅 like, would Lenalee really fall for something like that?? You see your double, won't you stay alert and keep your distance? Allen's eye is not reacting, yes but of all times, do we forget the Noahs now? Lenalee has been very helpful and reliable prior to this filler arc, she of all people would be on guard in this peculiar situation. Curious, but ON guard. There is so many ways to prove she's the real one haha and the writers just chose not to do it. For the plot, i guess. So i was really shocked to see them make her fell in the trap in that way. A noah popped out, out of nowhere during the Rewinding Town incident... Why not now when the Earl has officially announced war against the Order? And they are on their way to meet a General which Noahs seems to be targteting and with Allen?? The guy who can differentiate akuma from humans??? And he already met a Noah before this?

[I was actually doubting myself because i discovered that some filler episodes aren't really fillers but scenes (or at least based) from DGM Reverse, the light novel so it's not in the manga but still written by hoshino at the very least??? (the arc with Mother and the broker doctor as an example) so i was worried that that arc and lenalee being like that is actually canon but I've yet to find any written official content with it so i guess it's safe to say that the lulubell arc was really a filler. ]

That stupid act of pushing each other in circles can easily be avoided by Lenalee. I don't really get why would she go along with it instead of pushing those arms down and stop the nonsense.Tricking Arystar and Allen (with him used to relying in his eye) is one thing. But Lavi, Bookman and Lenalee??? Maybe Lulubell did such an amazing job on shapeshifting that the Bookmen, with their awesome eyes (Lavi found the real key in the Noah's ark, right?), weren't able to point the real one, i can accept that. But the pushing around in circles sh*t was beyond me. 😮‍💨 They could have done better, Lulubell could have done better. I know this sounds stupid that I can't specifically say exactly what they could have done instead but at the back of my head, i know there's a better way to do it lol. Specifically the part wherein Lulubell causes the confusion of which is who.

Haha idk it just felt like a very desperate attempt to make Lenalee look like a damsel in distress 😞(she is not btw, if there is any confusion) i kind of believe that any lenalee hate that i see mentioning that's she's like that pink-haired character from another anime, started from this arc. The portrayal was so poorly done. Which evidently clouded most people's reactions when Lenalee suffered after losing control over dark boots after the Level 3 fight.

Tch, my girl needs more respect!!!! Would you not be frustrated if suddenly you can't fight? Would you not cry if you see your teammates get injury one after another and you can't do anything because apart from losing control over your weapon, the enemy has started targeting you cuz your condition seems special?? Thuuuus having your already injured friends protect you, too???!!

I have so much more to say but I'll stop here before i offend anyone 🥹 thanks for reading if you did (hopefully no one does, i just want to get this off my chest)

[thebestpartofwakingup]

Honestly both arguments are important but the second is just way more strategic in actually reducing harm and protecting artists at this point in time

“Ai art isn’t real art” is I think a truthful statement but one that is more relevant to commentary, discussion, and study of the cultural and social conditions that lead to the proposition that Ai art is comparable to real art — a capitalist society that devalues the artistic process and defines art as a means to an end.

Art is more than the end product, it’s a practice and complex relationship between the individual and their space in means similar to physical exercise and feats of acrobatics. The theory of aesthetic proposes that human art is the result of two different distinct forms of intelligence — knowledge of classical practice (what tools someone deems as appropriate for art, what ideas they recognize and try to apply to their piece whether it be rhythm or balance or color theory, etc.) and knowledge of subject or general “over familiarity” as you cannot try to execute a dance move or write a lyric or paint a portrait without having a subject, a thought of what position you would like your body to proceed into, or what message, theme, or purpose you’d like the lyric to poses, or what it is you would like to paint — and that includes “dumping paint on the canvas” because you still must make that choice and then choose what paints you are dumping and how

A finished piece of human art is the end result of anything from 1 to a trillion choices made by the artist.

It’s why people say Ai art is soulless — because people who respect and appreciate art as something more than a means to an end for the final piece find that lack of relationship or care distasteful and offensive — because it serves as a direct statement from the person trying to proclaim their Ai art as being “the same” as human produced art that that relationship and series of decisions and personal experiences brought to a piece by its human artist don’t actually matter, not just to the Ai artist or viewer, but as a whole, in the way there is a difference between saying you didn’t like a book and saying that a book was bad or was pointless in its writing.

And it’s also distasteful because rather than seeking the validation of strangers artists want the relationship they have with their art to be something that their society as a whole values more than it does currently, we want people to pursue and appreciate art as an activity rather than as a means of production

It’s also partially why I find “modern art” — specifically the genre of colored shapes and lines that tend to piss people off — so powerful, because those pieces serve as direct interrogation of that value. ANYONE can paint a canvas with red paint, it’s perhaps the easiest thing one COULD do with a canvas — but that doesn’t mean everyone will, and it doesn’t mean that everyone who does will seek museum entry for their piece, would be willing to or even think to do the piles of paperwork and meetings and arguing and negotiating that gets an original piece placed into a museum

It’s ok to care about and value how a piece of art looks or sounds or feels by the end of its creation — but how much someone values that will vary among individuals and AI is so distasteful because it serves as a threat to that diversity, by stealing and repurposing art made by real artists for the purpose of image generation AI art serves to push that value for the process itself out of mainstream society by introducing an alternative to the reception of imaging, sound, and writing that cuts out that relationship entirely

i feel like i'm losing my mind why has the AI debate pivoted away from material/labor concerns back to debates about Real vs Fake Art. cannot express just how little i care about relitigating Art and high art and low art and skilled vs unskilled art. what i care about is the treatment and compensation of workers, the power corporations are exerting over intellectual property and creators, the continued extraction of resources, and the omnipresent glut of spam and disinformation with few regulations and resources that filter out the SEO AI generated nonsense

[nerafris]

You’re sweet

I feel embarrassed because I have no idea what are you talking about, I had to search for every single game :(

…but the first scenario on wow seems hilarious if you want to piss off someone :p

Why do I have the impression that you are toxic towards people on multiplayer games? and if you don’t win you blame your teammates ahahah

I searched for MMO and couldn’t find anything, I’m sorry but what is even that :(

Unravel Two seems SO CUTE I might try

You should try Morocco Mint & Spices from Lipton or Masala Chai (made by yourself). They are quite good.

I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. And tbh I don’t think it’s your fault. But I do hope that every time you look in the mirror, you fall in love a little bit more with yourself every day and recognize the bravery, strength, and beauty that you possess. I also hope you find serenity to calm your heart and reduce your anxiety.

No need to be embarassed, there's such a huge variety of games that it's very easy to not intersect with a lot of them. Actually most people i know generally don't play any games i do and vice-versa. Actually your impression could not be more wrong :P I don't think i've been toxic to a single person in a multiplayer game in easily 15 years. There's very few things i hate more than it actually. Being mean to anyone, especially a stranger, for any reason whatsoever is completely unacceptable imo. Not only does it serve no purpose (i strongly dislike inefficiency (which is funny cause my brain is like the most inefficient thing ever but i digress)), but it also just specifically only harms people, and you never know what someone is going through, an offhand comment can have devastating consequences. If i witness someone i personally know being toxic to someone over a fricken video game, i will always instantly bring that to their attention and try to make them understand that it's extremely uncool behavior. I understand venting but there's infinitely better ways for it. If i participate in something and it fails i will always take responsibility and blame, usually way more than my share of it was but that's how i've been conditioned (my mistakes are the only things i can act on, so it only makes sense to only focus on those, and that then usually results in a magnified perception of said mistakes). This includes but isn't limited to team based games :3 MMO is a genre, the most famous example in it would probably be World of Warcraft. The genre isn't really that popular anymore, it kinda has too many issues to really work nowadays, but i love them ^^ Unravel Two is adorable and so much fun. You could check out the first one since that's a solo game, whereas the 2nd is definitely more fun with a fren :3 I'd love to try your recommendations but i'm doubtful i'd be able to get my hands on the lipton one. Eastern Europe and not being part of EU means fewer global products are available, and shipping is an insane pain in the butt. Masala Chai sounds doable so we'll try. I appreciate the kind words, and like i said, i'm trying to work through my stuff but it's rough and honestly feels kinda hopeless. I trust that gives some insight as to the hesitance for getting involved with someone. That's a lotta text, too much? Idk if i'm oversharing atp.

[mareastrorum]

The Fool and the Soldier: Chapter Commentary

Chapter 3: The Chariot & The Cart

On off weeks, I’ll be posting some commentary on the prior week’s chapter. Since this is a longfic, I expect that it will be helpful for keeping track of stuff, plus I might mention something you missed. Of course, this will include spoilers, so continue with that in mind.

These aren’t meant to be comprehensive! There is so much more going on that I’m not saying. Feel free to ask questions too, either in replies or asks. If it’s too spoilery, I’ll let you know. I’ll add them to the body at the bottom as I receive them.

See the directory for other meta posts.

The Chariot & The Cart

Three’s a Pattern, so it should be clear now that all the chapter titles are going to be based on the cards. There’ll be a longer meta post about those details.

As Molly explained in Chapter 2, “The Chariot is for speed, urgency, and ambition. The Cart is for slowing down and taking time to enjoy something.” This chapter juxtaposes the Mighty Nein’s leisure time with the Tombtakers rushing into situations they really don’t understand.

Dream: Graveyard

There is so much going on in this scene. Going into too much detail will spoil things, so I’ll just discuss some stuff that might clarify some things to keep in mind.

This is Cree’s dream, which introduces the reader to the fact that we’re not only going to see Molly’s dreams in this story. Dreams were such a big deal in the campaign, so I didn’t want to pass up that fun with the other characters. Matt also specifically mentioned that Cree had unsettling dreams about Lucien, so I wanted to include at least one.

As many people guessed, the raven is Vax’ildan, the Champion of the Raven Queen. I felt he’d show up in moments of crucial events on the Matron’s behalf, but this isn’t grayintogreen’s Life in the Margin of Redemption series. Lucien’s going to be an antagonist, and for that to work, someone needs to summon him to the Material Plane, and that could only be Cree. No one else would have the means and motivation to do it. So, as dramatic as the scene is, the result was already set in stone.

Cree also catches on to that strangeness before realizing she’s in a dream. She grew up on the streets of Shadycreek Run; as desperate as she is to get Lucien back, she still recognizes that someone is taking advantage of her. Not that it stops her when the pressure piles on.

I included numerous hints as to who is who—and the absences matter too. As with other abstract dreams, there’s a lot of symbolism at work in this scene. There’s also some world-building stuff being alluded to that won’t get discussed until later chapters. This is a scene that would be worth revisiting later on.

In the Dark

This short scene of Cree waking up is to help re-orient the reader (since she is doing the same) after an intentionally confusing dream. It also provides some exposition that she had been a follower of the Raven Queen until her attempt to resurrect Lucien failed. Cree’s faith is complicated. It’s not exactly conditional so much as she has an exceptionally low tolerance for betrayal. She was a blood cleric of the Raven Queen at the Claret Orders: she’s very much aware of and accepting of death. However, she is stuck on this idea that her spell to raise Lucien from the dead should have worked. That is a massive chip on her shoulder that isn’t going to just go away over time.

There’s also more symbolism in this scene. Cree’s alone in the dark, caught in something that’s limiting her, and she flails around a bit before getting oriented. Even then, she doesn’t light the room, nor does she seek anyone’s help; she just clings to her holy symbol and soldiers on.

Hmmm, that sounds familiar…

Bladegarden

This and the next several scenes were all an exercise in pacing and ordering. I wanted a few events to happen in this chapter to set up for later, and it needed to flow coherently so that it didn’t just seem like random vignettes of the Nein’s downtime.

I wanted to include a check-in with Yasha in this chapter, and her location had to make sense for when/where she split off from the Nein (27 Fessuran on Glory Run Road) and that she beat them to Nicodranas. I figured that if she went south via Bladegarden, she could cut southwest and still get ahead of the Nein during their two-week break in Zadash. However, doing something near Bladegarden required her scene to be right at the start, or else it wouldn’t line up properly. That influenced some of my choices about Cree’s dream so I could highlight the differences between the two.

Both Cree and Yasha feel this overbearing sense of guilt for failing to take action to prevent the death of someone they loved. Yasha didn’t go with Zuala to confront the Skyspear, who murdered Zuala for her admission that she had married Yasha without consent. Cree didn’t intervene when Lucien decided to ask Vess DeRogna to do the ritual, which resulted in his death at her hands. There’s no way either of them could know that their interference would have actually saved anyone, but there’s still that “what if” haunting them. They could have done more, and even years later, they blame themselves for not trying.

They each handled that loss in mirrored ways. Yasha wandered the wastes without purpose until she was conscripted by Obann to do his bidding, and the Stormlord saved her so that she could escape. Then she joined the carnival and met new people to get attached to, eventually joining the Nein with Molly, though she hasn’t yet worked through her grief nor truly broken free from Obann. Cree sort of did that backwards: she split off from the Tombtakers (per Lucien’s instruction) and wound up in Zadash with the Gentleman’s troupe, and now the Somnovem have roped her into their bidding out of desperation. Vax just tried his attempt to break her out of that, but it failed.

Neither is necessarily hopeful so much as they’re determined to continue trying in spite of their despair.

Welcome

I chose Molly’s POV for this scene for a few reasons. First, we didn’t get much of him dealing with stuff in the prior chapter, and I wanted to make it clear that his preferred method is to just not deal with things. Second, I thought Jesna Bree’s “welcome” repetition was really creepy, and I wondered (with hindsight) if perhaps Matt had really liked this tick (he’s done “welcome” a lot!) and eventually chose to use that for the Somnovem later. I wanted to see how Molly would react to that, and figured it would be interesting if Molly has a tenuous awareness of the Somnovem. Not enough to understand who or what they are, but to know that eyes are creepy. Thus, we get a scene of him avoiding any potential complications and doing his best to focus on having fun.

We also get a glimpse of how the clerics react to that. Jester’s willing to go along with it because Molly seems alright—prioritizing how he wants to present to the group and letting him choose how to handle any issues. Caduceus doesn’t pry, but he still visibly caught on that something was off, a passive aggressive nudge that maybe Molly should talk about it.

But he won’t.

Jester’s gentler attitude works though: she’s the first one to suggest Molly could do what Lucien did even though he’s not Lucien. That’s an easier pill to swallow, though learning more would involve reading.

Cobalt Soul

I timed this on the second day of Cobalt Soul studying because I figured Molly would need at least a day of anxious hesitation before he’d resolve to ask Beau if he could tag along. It’s not stated explicitly, but he did go to Caleb first, who rightly told Molly that it’s not up to him.

Of course, Beau absolutely took the opportunity to needle at Molly after he was such a little shit during the trip back to town. Other than Molly, she’s one of the youngest of the Nein, and she is not above being a little petty. But it’s not like she was that bad, honestly…

And we get some widomauk hints! Molly’s a flirt, so of course he’s going to take his shot. But with where Caleb is in his arc, it’s not going to be a linear development.

The Platinum House

Otis wasn’t as important in this chapter, but I wanted to check in on their attempts to spy on Molly. What better scene for them to observe Molly than Jester’s and Nott’s desecration of the temple to Bahamut? Molly would have so jumped at joining in on Jester’s plans. Otis is also familiar enough with Lucien’s tricks to recognize Enthrall as a Devil’s Tongue tiefling ability. However, Lucien would have probably been more practical about his use, while Molly just did it to sow chaos and give cover for the others to get away.

Thus, Otis comes away a bit confused about what’s going on when Not Lucien kind of channels Lucien’s penchant for drama and attention, then does something absolutely insane with it.

Books

This is one of my favorite scenes of the chapter, though it mostly speaks for itself. Caleb’s introspection is fun because there is so much on his mind at any given time. There’s many aspects of his guilt, neuroses, worries, and opinions to explore in any given scene, and they each color the other.

Caleb’s PTSD isn’t resolved yet. He made his save for the first time against Lorenzo’s death, but it happens a few times after that still. I figured there would be other instances that trigger such episodes beyond just frying people.

Stories About Snakes

A second scene with Molly! I wanted to include Molly’s perspective of the others’ downtime, though it would be too much to examine all of it in separate scenes. This reminiscing at bedtime seemed like an appropriate way to handle it. Plus we got to see a bit of Molly’s arrogance in thinking that the others need to lighten up since he’s clearly got this life thing figured out. Of course, that doesn’t mean the laws of physics stop working just because he thinks they should when he doesn’t want to get out of bed.

Taliesin mentioned in a Talks that Molly is functionally illiterate, which I interpreted to mean that he could read with tremendous difficulty. After all, he titled his cards, and he can be fairly eloquent at times. He’s not dumb; he’s ignorant. So I tried to reason why Molly wouldn’t be interested in reading and added that earlier the chapter, then confronted what might get him to read in this scene.

As a few guessed, this is a story by the Brothers Grimm! Their compendium has a group of 3 short stories titled “Stories About Snakes,” and this is the third of that set. I modified some of the language, but it’s mostly the same.

The Brothers Grimm had grown up in rural Germany during the time of the Napoleonic occupation. According to the Explorer’s Guide to Wildemount, the Zemnian Fields were conquered by the Dwendalian Empire a few hundred years back. Considering that the language still persisted in rural areas like Blumenthal, as did some cultural traditions like folk tales, I thought that incorporating Grimm fairy tales into Zemnian culture would have some good parallels.

I chose this particular story because (1) it was short, and (2) it’s relevant for a later scene. I wanted Molly to read a complete story, and this one was only a paragraph long! I figured anything longer might lose the reader’s interest. Plus it had a hilarious takeaway, and Molly would totally enjoy that.

Dream: Rhythm

The introduction is a traditional Irish blessing, a way of wishing someone well. I chose this one specifically because Lucien grew up without most of those things and this is one of few rhymes that doesn’t have a consistent meter—even though the importance of rhythms is a key takeaway of the dream. Irony!

This dream came out of the brainstorm about how a poor kid (orphan or not) would learn how to talk like Lucien did in Aeor. ‘Cause damn, he had a voice.

Matt established that the Empire didn’t have all that much in the way of public education. Zadash had the Apple Tree Tutor Village, which is available for the “less affluent” at a “moderate price,” implying that there was no such option for whomever could not afford it. Caleb had to study on his own and pass an examination to qualify for the Soltryce Academy, a rare success story. I got the sense that smaller Empire towns didn’t have institutional education available.

A self-“governing” town of about 15,000 people likely isn’t going to have any education system set up. First, Shadycreek Run was headed by 4 families competing with each other in businesses that are generally outlawed by the neighboring nations (the Empire, the Dynasty, and Uthodurn). Second, there was no government structure; the families were “in charge” in the sense that they’d murder, terrorize, or enslave whomever gets in the way. Third, if it’s not provided by a government, an education system needed to either provide a reasonable wage to entice workers or there had to be sufficient culture (charitable/communal/etc) to sustain a steady group of volunteers—and that just wasn’t the vibe of the Run from the short view we saw of it in the stream.

I’ll get into the broader worldbuilding of Shadycreek Run in its own meta post, but the short of it is that formal schools probably weren’t a thing in the Run, and what limited education was available was likely private tutors for the wealthy. So, if Lucien was a homeless orphan in Run, there’s no institution to turn to, and even if there was, he probably wouldn’t have any way to afford the cost.

Then I got to thinking: what alternatives were there? Apprenticeships have been a thing for a long time, but tradesmen would be wary of street urchins in such a place, especially if their tools or supplies were valuable. Plus, at such a young age, Lucien wouldn’t be capable of much work in trades that would be in high local demand: blacksmithing, woodworking, fletching, etc.

In addition, there’s the obvious problem that most people tend to gloss over: Lucien is a tiefling. As he said in episode 122, “Not a lot of folks are really eager and kind, especially in Shadycreek Run growing up, to those of infernal blood.” If the general Run culture was to be racist towards tieflings, well, people taking apprentices or offering work to kids were probably racist too.

That narrows down chances for education or training to basically happenstance. There’s no commonplace option for Lucien; whatever he came across would be based in theft (stealing books) or unique circumstances. Putting all that together, I landed on the conclusion that he could have learned how to read, do math, etc. either from other orphans or by buying his way through it. After all, racists might be terrible, but money talks in places like the Run. A few probably took whatever he offered and shooed him off, while others would prefer repeat payments, even if it meant dealing with a tiefling.

But that would only provide piecemeal education. Lucien very clearly liked the sound of his own voice in the stream, plus he had a relatively poetic way of speaking. However, that’s not how street urchins talk. That’s not how people spoke in the Run. He had to learn it from someone. So where did that come from?

I briefly considered whether Lucien might have encountered Gustav’s carnival when it started in the Run, but that felt too close to Molly’s story. Besides, there would have to then be a reason he didn’t leave with them, and if that happened, why would Gustav not recognize Molly later? A one off encounter wouldn’t be that memorable, but something more involved would be harder to explain away. And I doubt this was what Matt would have done, so that eventually became the dream of Gustav telling Lucien’s fortune.

I also considered whether Lucien would have first picked that up at the Claret Orders, but considering how busy they would have been with training as blood hunters and exterminating monsters, that wouldn’t leave a whole lot of time to pick up that sort of oratory training. I doubt the Orders would have formal training on such a thing. Could one of the leaders have been a bard multi class that loved to talk? Sure. But making that fit between everything else in his teenage years felt odd for pacing. We’ll explore how the Orders affected Lucien’s speech later.

Around the time I was thinking that over, I was also heavily researching Irish folklore and history. I was trying to sort out if there was anything I could borrow for this story, especially to fill in the history of the Run. At some point, I read about seanchaithe, which the English wiped out in formal roles (official historians, etc.) in the 1600s. Informal seanchaithe continued on in tradition, but there are few left today. Considering it’s now 400 years later and the English had put in significant effort to quash Irish traditions and heritage, that shows that seanchaithe were highly valued by the Irish in spite of (or perhaps even because of) that oppression. It’s a very resilient tradition, one that ordinary folk would cling to even when faced with violent retaliation. Thus, it seems like that sort of thing would still be prized in the Run, as isolated and tumultuous as it was.

Paper and parchment can be expensive to make, and demand would be pretty low in small towns, driving up the prices further. Uma Cole, the innkeeper in Berleben, had to order a book from Zadash to have something to read. Most of the bookstores in Wildemount had limited options unless they were in larger towns with sizable affluent populations. So it follows that oral traditions would probably be ingrained in many cultures in Wildemount, while written prose and poetry were not as common. If that’s the case, then it could also be normal in Shadycreek Run, though I imagine most money-minded orators probably left for better ventures (like Gustav and his carnival).

Then I had all the pieces, but needed to work out details. It wouldn’t be that weird for Lucien (or other urchins) to learn from a seanchaí, but there’s still the fact that he’s a tiefling and has little to offer. What would a storyteller, who had decided not to leave the Run, place value in? Not money, not clout, not power.

Stories!

That also made sense for the type of personality of someone who would be willing to teach a tiefling orphan: they have a love for their craft and want younger generations to carry it on, so teaching anyone willing to learn passes on that tradition. Since that skill doesn’t require any tools or costs, it’s not like they would be worse off for doing it.

Thus, I came up with Seanchaidhe, the nameless teacher that taught Lucien how to speak poetically in Gaeilge. Does he do that in Common as a child? Nope! Seanchaidhe only responded substantively to Gaeilge, so eventually he didn’t bother speaking Common to her at all. It’s not rare for kids to figure out code switching like that: speak formally to certain people, and everyone else can suck a dick. Besides, considering his circumstances, speaking formally in Common would likely make him a target for bullying or give people the impression that he’s trying to act like a foreigner instead of speaking like a local. Ophelia Mardoon could get away with that, but an orphan wouldn’t. (There are entire books on code switching and intersectionality of class and race, so I won’t get further into it here, but after living that intersection, I side-eye any writer that includes a scene where Lucien stops “faking” how he speaks…)

The last detail I needed to figure out was how Lucien would manage to learn so much without writing. He could practice drawing in dirt or mud, but he wouldn’t have anything he could keep to study except for the books he stole, and those would probably have been few and far between. I researched mnemonics and ultimately decided that rhythms would probably be the most suitable for him. It matched what he would learn (speaking rhythmically is a common tactic for orators reciting long histories and stories), and it paired well with how Matt performed as Lucien in the stream. I then added some bits with polyrhythms to show off how that can get fairly complex and account for multiple variables.

All that culminated into this dream, which explores that both Lucien and Cree speak Gaeilge and write/read Ogham, Seanchaidhe was Lucien’s teacher, how he could “afford” that sort of help, and a peek into his thought process for how he memorizes things, including Ogham, stories, and maps. He puts things to rhymes so he can use rhythms to recall complex information.

So, with that information in mind, what should readers conclude about the rhymes at the start of each of these dreams? Hmmm…

We also get to see that Lucien began training for the gold medal in mental gymnastics at a very early age. There’s an example of little kid logic about why Cree’s signature in Ogham should be gold for her eyes instead of coll for her initial and why luis is better than ruis, which also hints at the negative associations Lucien has learned about the color red. Cree’s also already fairly insightful, sorting out his motivations even with his weird arguments.

Adjusting the Cards

I chose Jester for this POV because, as shown, she ends up making her own deck. In canon, her choice to expand on Molly’s deck was partially in memoriam and a way to process grief, but this time, it’s a purely artistic venture. And, of course, that gives me more chapter titles to work with.

There’s also some exposition about Lestera, a character from Molly’s origin comic. They had a sexual relationship, but the depth of their affection wasn’t laid out as plainly. Molly inherited her coat and cards, grieved her openly, and then never mentioned her by name in the stream. Maybe Taliesin had planned to eventually and had not gotten the chance. It also seems possible that she was the “beautiful woman … in a red coat” that Kingsley mentioned after Jester cast Greater Restoration on him. So now the reader is aware of who she was to Molly, and that plants some seeds for how he’ll handle certain conflicts later.

I also wanted to toy with some of the issues that Jester and Molly would disagree over. They both much prefer lighthearted and fun conversations, but we didn’t get to see much of them butting heads in canon. Of course, they don’t actually get heated over it.

This also provides exposition about Molly’s cards. It includes all of the cards from the deck sold in the CR shop, as well as ones mentioned in the stream (The Chariot and The Serpent) that weren’t. It could be that Taliesin changed The Serpent to The Tyrant, which is the red dragon opposite of Bahamut, but Jester drew “the silver dragon” as her first card in a three card reading, and “the serpent” was the third, so that wouldn’t be possible if they were on the same card. To keep it consistent with the stream, I made them separate cards.

However, I wanted to reconcile why The Serpent & The Maiden (from the origin comic) wasn’t in Molly’s deck when that was clearly Lestera’s card. The other cards were easy to rationalize away as Molly discarding them when they were too worn or no longer relevant, but this one would have had sentimental value. So I reasoned that Molly would have buried that card with Lestera. It was against his (and her) philosophy to cling to the past, so even if he thought of remaking her card, he’d conclude that he shouldn’t. So he compromised by making The Serpent opposite of something else, then changed that to The Crown.

Lots of foundational stuff for later development.

Room Service

Other than helping Jester with her shenanigans, Nott’s downtime was pretty much solo. I didn’t want to do too much navel-gazing with her because that wasn’t the vibe Sam pursued in the episode. Thus, I had her check in with Caleb, which offered the chance to check in on her suspicions of Molly and Caleb’s research.

Nott’s opinions tended to shift like a pendulum. She’d veer off to one extreme, then suddenly shift to the other. So, as suspicious as she would be of Molly, I could see her letting up on it if she found reason to think he wasn’t actually Lucien.

At least, for now.

The Evening Nip

Fjord is intelligent, but not wise. The most eventful scene with him would be at the end of his trip, so it was perfect to make him run into Cree again. However, as mentioned in Chapter 2, I had moved some of their dialogue to an earlier encounter. So this one had some in common, as well as new stuff.

And, unlike last time, now Cree’s wise to the Nein lying to her, so she digs for info as well. She doesn’t get much, though. Both Fjord and Cree come away with some empathy for the other. Cree’s fairly insightful, so she picked up on the fact that Fjord actually is suspicious of Molly. Fjord also recognized some similarities they have, so he doesn’t fault her for her persistence.

Of course, that’s just gonna add to the coming drama. Heehee.

Regroup

Caduceus’s POV is so perfect for recaps/regroups. He catches on to a lot of stuff the others are trying to hide, like how Nott is not actually a child. While he’s also gotten more comfortable with the group and being away from home, this is still way out of his comfort zone. Even so, they’re all pretty optimistic and have recovered from the horrors of the Iron Shepherds.

We also got to see Molly show off his cards of the Nein to them directly. I do want to point out: Molly didn’t make cards of anyone at the carnival. It could be that it had never occurred to him at the carnival, or he couldn’t think of what cards to make—at least, other than Yasha. Either way, it shows that Molly kept distance a bit from people at the carnival compared to what he’s doing with the Nein. He likes them a lot, even if he doesn’t verbalize it all that much.

Legend Lore

I think this was the earliest scene I drafted for this chapter. It was fairly early on that I decided to include a scene of Cree using Legend Lore to figure out how to bring Lucien back. It was the only spell available that allowed for a longer message between Cree and the Somnovem, so it seemed appropriate for conveying how to do such a ritual.

I also needed to address why Cree doesn’t just talk to the Somnovem all the time. As discussed in a prior post, she isn’t a priestess of the Nonagon at this time because it didn’t seem sensible that she would be after Lucien had died and before he returned to life. But that introduced a new plot hole to fill: while she wouldn’t have the same type of connection that the Nonagon did, Cree was still a cleric—why not use Legend Lore more often?

The answer seemed fairly obvious after considering it a bit. Cognouza is an eldritch horror. Comprehending it is damaging, as shown by the Nein’s reaction when Lucien attempted to share what it felt like after he had merged with Cognouza. Cree would frame that differently, of course. She thought the Somnovem were gods, as Lucien had done, so she rationalized that only special people (the Nonagon) or those with special protection (psychic, Nonagon filtering) could bear the toll for speaking directly with higher beings. Naturally, that meant there had to be consequences for attempting that without such protection. I figured a hefty amount of psychic damage would be a fair deterrent.

I came up with the sensations for the psychic damage in the first draft, though I polished it with each revision. Part of it was based on the sensation of a grand mal seizure, which I was unfortunate enough to experience (don’t worry, been seizure free for a decade). However, the feeling of a seizure can be disjointed from the actual movement. Thus, Cree’s perception did not quite match up to what her body was doing during the trance. This type of seizure is incredibly exhausting and debilitating, so Cree should not have been trying to get up or do anything, but, well, healing potions are a thing in Exandria, and they heal psychic damage too, so there.

The message from the Somnovem underwent a few rewrites, but it’s mostly the same. The most pertinent change was that the original had the Somnovem’s distinct “voices” to provide a preview of how each of them would be formatted. However, if Cree wasn’t supposed to be able to communicate with them safely, it would make sense that some information would be lost along the way. The more I thought it over, I realized I also didn’t want to give that information out too soon, so it was eventually removed and I added in a narrative note on it.

Of course, when Cree got fucked up, Otis was there to help. Kind of. Otis is the worst, so they couldn’t be that helpful. Plus the reader got to see a bit more of their dynamic, which is mostly based in curiosity and complete lack of respect for each other. Otis is essentially a warlock, and Cree is a cleric. They have their similarities, but they have wildly different world views, and that affects how they treat each other.

But, despite their differences, even Otis is somewhat squeamish about undead. The oldest of the Claret Orders (ghostslayers) were all about exterminating undead, so it makes sense that even people that left the Orders would have a strong distaste for necromancy. Besides, anyone who thought necromancy was cool was likely filtered out at the initiation phase.

As a final note: there’s some formatting fuckery going on in this scene. One was that there’s 9 of each type of paragraph (narration and Somnovem dialogue). It’s not the first time a scene has been counted in sets of 9. There’s two more formatting quirks that I’m not going to elaborate on just yet (and they’ve also happened before!), but by now, the reader really should be picking up that there’s a Pattern going on.