#does this make ANY sense is anyone reading this. hello. where am i. what is this place.

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

i see a lot of interpretations of zor being this otherworldly, anomalous presence- larger than life, practically non-human. and i, too, like perceiving zor through this veil of anonymity. i think making them too tangible or perceivable really detracts from what's been established about their character.

but, i personally really, really like the thought of zor being human. mortal. but terrifying to the point where you'd be forgiven for forgetting it.

i think one of the things that i adored about ieytd before the third game dropped (and honestly made me a little disappointed when it was changed later on) was the fact that the agency never had a face. it just... was what it was. it had facets- granted, the EOD was always the only one of any relevance. but, really, think about what we know about the agency between all three games. compare that to how much we know about zoraxis.

there's something really appealing to me about zor being who they are... they're probably the most wealthiest person on earth. they had a monopoly that quite literally gripped the world in their first- as their emblem would suggest. they hire some of the most lethal minds in the world- chemists, inventors, engineers.

and yet... despite it all, they're just one person. to me, their anonymity is a shield against the fact they are a person. they hide behind the lethality and prowess of their elite operatives- not to mention we've seen how clever they can be when it came to manipulating prism. they're by no means useless.

but what would they be without their anonymity? what would they be without the weapons they didn't design, the lairs they didn't build, the employees they use as human shields? the second zor is gone, zoraxis crumbles. they are the support pillar of their entire corporation.

... but what's the agency's equivalent? even post morales being a character, can we be certain that he's the glue holding the entire organization together?

think about zoraxis' most lethal schemes. seizing control of the world's atomic weaponry. striking targets anywhere on earth's surface with a giant laser. exploding the brain of every telekinetic agent on the planet. are they really seeking to cause as much damage as possible- to the agency specifically, collateral, or otherwise?

or do they not know where to strike. zor's tactic- for as high the stakes have been escalating- has always carried a similar motif. cleave and strike indiscriminately until the threat is neutralized.

but it never works. zor is lashing at a hydra- sprouting new heads where the old ones have been lopped off. they don't seem aware of how to destroy the agency other than exterminating each and every one of them off the face of the earth, in whatever way is most convenient at the moment.

i just think there's something to be said about zoraxis- and by extension, zor- always being seen as this oppressive, near-otherworldly force, constantly applying pressure on phoenix... when for all we know, zoraxis could be perceiving the agency in the exact same light.

zor, ultimately, has one beating heart. the agency has thousands. and all of them are dispensable.

[flippinpancakes64]

Hi! Hope your doing well

Can I get the cullens with reader who is sick and wants nothing but cuddles?

The Cullens with a sick reader

Hello! I am doing well thank you!

I went for just a general sickness not really like a specific one so imagine whatever you want.

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

He's really concerned

The most concerned of all of them, actually

His mother died from the flu and he was going to as well

So any illness reminds him that you're human and that what happened to his mom could happen to you too

He insists on Carlisle staying home to look after you

He is pacing, he is breathing heavy, he looks like he's on the verge of death

It's only when Carlisle manages to get through to him that you'll be fine does he finally calm down

Then he notices that your skin is really clammy and you're really hot

What better way to cool down than a literal block of ice?

He will lay there with you as long as you need

It doesn't matter if he's hungry and needs to hunt

If you're still sick he is not leaving the house

Much less leaving your side

Alice:

She saw this coming

Maybe you did something stupid and like stood in the rain with a t shirt and shorts on

Or maybe you just accidentally crossed paths with a kid who was sick at your school

Either way she saw you being sick a couple of days in advance

It gave her enough time to prepare everything that you would need

She was also able to see that you ended up being fine, so she doesn't worry too much

You don't even need to ask for cuddles though

She is already there

The good part about being prepared ahead of time is that she has everything she needs

She doesn't need to leave the room to go get you anything

She doesn't need to go hunt

She is just there at your service, ready to comfort

Jasper:

He could tell you weren't feeling good when you walked in the room and your upset mood made its way to his senses

He's a little lost on how to help

In his time, when people got sick you threw them out of the wagon so they didn't infect others

Or, alternatively, you just set them up in a nice, comfy place to die <3

So yeah he's a little helpless

If you're lucid enough to tell him what you need he'll do it

Other than that he gets Carlisle's help

The moment you open your arms and ask him to hold you, he is there

Like immediately

If he can't help any other way on your road to recovery, this is the least he can do

Like the others, he would hate to leave you

But he's a lot less used to the vegetarian diet

And being so close to you doesn't help

So if this falls at a bad time where he needs to go hunt, he's gonna have to leave

He would hate to do it

But it's for your safety

Rosalie:

Basically built for this

I mean, she wants to be a mom really bad

Those little shits get sick every 2 business days

I feel like she's read enough parenting books to be able to know how to help you

She doesn't let anyone near you

Not even Carlisle

She insists she has it under control

And to her credit, she does

However she gets a bit lost in the technicalities of it

Like checking your temperature every ten minutes, making sure the food she gets you has the right amount of nutrients, keeping the room at a solid temperature

You're gonna have to be the one to stop her

Just tell her that while you appreciate everything she's done for you, all you really want is to be held

She takes a moment to process it before she gets in the bed immediately

Does not leave

Even if she's starving

Emmett:

When he was still alive, he had a younger sister

So I feel like he wouldn't be too inexperienced when it comes to taking care of someone when they're sick

However I feel like he has a very antiquated sense of medicine

He'd go out and buy like cocaine-infused adderall or smthn and say that this is what he used to take when he felt sick

Don't take anything he gives you

It's for your safety

Just tell him the best medicine he could give you is some cuddles

And he'll drop whatever else he was planning to try to give you

If you can stand, it would be in your best interest to ask Carlisle to help you instead

He has the spirit though

And I feel like cuddling with him would be the best

Esme:

Another one with a bit of trauma surrounding illnesses

Her baby died due to an illness and now she's scared

She doesn't want to lose you too

Even though she knows the likelihood of you dying is small, she still can't help it

Another one who's asking Carlisle for help

Sorry Carlisle

Anyway she is at your beck and call

Soup? Done. And it's homemade

Water? Done. Fresh from Fiji

You want the room to be colder? Yeah just hold on a sec while she goes and harvests a piece from an iceberg

In the middle of all of her running around you're gonna have to stop her and just tell her that all you want is cuddles

Instantly she is setting up some candles, putting on a movie, and holding you in bed

Is not convinced that you are all better even after you've completely recovered

For at least another week she is still hoverinfg

Carlisle:

The man of the hour

When you told him you were sick it was like saying you're thirsty as you're standing in front of a stream of fresh, clean water

No need to worry you're in good hands

Instantly gets to work

He finds out what you're sick with, how long you'll have it, what your symptoms will be, and the best treatment options in the blink of an eye

Gets everything set up at lightning speed

But after he's got everything set out for you and he knows you don't need anything else, he takes a step back and sees that you are still missing something

When you ask if he can cuddle, he wastes no time

He calls into the clinic and tells them that he can't make it today or tomorrow

Unfortunately, though, he will leave at some point

He takes his job very seriously

Hence why he's still working even though he has enough money to buy all of Europe twice over

So he will leave to go back to work

But he won't work extra long shifts

Or stay up late doing paperwork

You are the priority

Vampire! Bella:

She's a little helpless

Charlie wasn't the most ideal parent to be sick around

He believed that everything fixes itself

And though Renee was a lot better at that, a little of Charlie still rubbed off on her

But of course, she does remember the agony of being sick

It's not that she's not sympathetic, it's just that she doesn't know what to do

So again she leaves that up to Carlisle if it's really bad

She was already curled up with you before you even got the chance to ask

She figured that since there was nothing else she could do she might as well just comfort you

Will leave a couple of times though

She'll go hunt or go pick up a new book if she finishes her old one

So I'd say she's there like 98% of the time

[scribblesofagoonerr]

For what it's worth, I'm sorry and I don't really hate you | Inner Demons

⟫ Alphabet Challenge, F - For what it's worth, I'm sorry and I don't really hate you

Pairings: leah williamson x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader

Hello, I'm back with part 6. Sorry it's been a bit of a wait, life gets in the way and makes it hard to write, but here's the next part. I honestly don't know how many chapters this will have because I'm really enjoying writing it, so hey ho, I might even just make this one small fic series of many ideas' I currently have in my head :)

I don't know if this chapter does make much sense at all and non of it's been proof read again, so it could be a bit all over the place but please let me know what you think!

Thank you for all the ongoing support so far, it's overwhelming to see how much that you all love this, and it gives me motivation to continue to write!

My asks are open for anyone to drop me an any ideas' on this fic or anything else that people would like to see be written, however, I am only comfortable writing anything platonic though :)

You're progressing well to get better and you're slowly returning to usual happy, self chaotic self.

TW: angst and mentions of SH, MH, suicide and death.

"So, what's the food in this place like then?" Kyra broke the silence in the room, where all the girls were all crowded in as they came to visit you in the pysch ward of the hospital during the visiting hours.

It had been 46 hours since you had been detained, 46 hours since you all but shouted at Leah that you hated her.

You really did regret it.

You didn't actually mean that though, and you had been feeling terrible about it ever since the words escaped your mouth.

"Seriously, Kyra?" Steph stares at the younger Australian in disbelief.

"What? I'm just trying to make conversation here" Kyra replies, shrugging her shoulders.

Caitlin can't help but snort. "And you decide to start with asking what the foods' like?" she teases the twenty-one-year-old.

"Yeah, cos' I've heard that hopsital food is disgusting and all" Kyra remarks to the older girl, sticking her tongue out at her.

"Very mature" Steph rolls her eyes at the two of them.

"So, what is the food like then?" Vic asks, peeking interest to know the answer.

"Terrible, I think that even Leahs' cooking might be better than what they're serving on the menu here" You can't help but grin cheekily.

"Ouch it must be bad then" Beth joins in with the joke.

"You'd better not let her hear you say outloud or I think she'd been offended" Viv tells you as she can't help but smile slightly, just happy to see you slowly returning to your old self.

"So, she didn't come with you guys then?" You ask as you pull at the sleeves of the hoodie you currently had on.

You don't miss the look that all the girls share with one another. You weren't an idiot to know something was going on.

"Just tell me what's going on" You stare at them all, trying to get an answer out of them.

"She's outside in the waiting room with Lia" Jen admits, exhaling a sigh.

"Oh" Your smile falters at the disappointing news.

"She wanted to come in with us Y/N but it was hard for her" Beth explains on behlf of the blonde, who you miss terribley. "I'm sure when she's ready, she'll come and see you" she adds, trying to keep the hope alive.

You really had messed up with what you said, you doubt that she would want to visit you, nor would she want you to come back to the flat where you lived with her.

"Oh uh, well then that's okay I guess, I mean I don't blame her for not coming cos' what I said was horrible and stuff" You make up an excuse as you find sudden interest with the floor beneath you.

"It's not your fault for being angry, Y/N" Katie pats you on the shoulder.

"How're you feeling now?" Alessia asks, concerned as a way to try and change the subject.

"Is this your way of subtly asking me if I'm going to try and attempt to kill myself again?" You glance around at all of the girls' faces in the room.

"Y/N" Kim shoots you a disapproving look.

"The answers no by the way" You mumble quietly.

"Y/N" Kim repeats again, a bit louder.

"What? You know I like to make dark humour jokes in this type of situation. It's just a coping mechanism" You tell your captain as you hold your hands up in mock-surrender, who continues to look at you with a certain look that makes you back down straightaway. "Alright, okay, I'll tone it down with the death jokes" You mumble, slouching further down in your seat.

"How's she been doing?" Leah stands in the reception area of the hospital and fumbles with her hands, as she speaks to one of the doctors.

"Y/N has making good progress. I think another day or so and she'll be ready to come home" The doctor explains with a kind smile.

"That's great news" Lia says, smiling as she glances at the blonde for her reaction.

Leahs' eyes widen in surprise and smiles slightly. "Yeah, that's good to hear. I'm proud of her making so much progress in such a short space of time" she tells the doctor.

"It is, Y/N/N has really thrown herself into trying to get better, the therapy sessions seem to be going well too" The doctor tells them honestly. "Are you going to go and see her? I'm sure that she'd love to see you" she adds.

The blondes feels apprehensive, her eyes dart over in the direction of where the doors led to the psych ward, where you would be with the rest of the girls that had all visited.

Leah had wanted to as well, she just couldn't find the courage to actually take the steps and dipped out at the last minute.

"I hate you, Leah" The words that you shouted at her, played in her head on a constant loop.

"Uh, I don't know about that. I'm not sure if she's going to want to see me" Leah confesses, shoving her hands in her pockets.

"Le, you don't know that" Lia squeezes the blondes' shoulder gently as she tries to reassure her.

"I know that she hates me, Wally. You heard what she said before" Leah replies quietly, shaking her head as she takes another glance towards the doors.

"You know that she didn't mean that, Le. You know she is just a kid with a lot of feelings sometimes" Lia tells the blonde, smiling at her.

Leah looks a bit more apprehensive as she shakes her head. "There was so much hatred in her voice when she said, it felt like she did mean it" she disagrees with her.

"She was angry the other day though, Le and you even said that yourself" Lia reminds the younger girl.

Leah hums as she bites her bottom lip "But what if she doesn't want to see me? I know she's going to be angry with me for leaving her here in this place" she admits to the older girl.

"She's been asking for you every day since she has been here" The doctor pipes in, gently smiling at the two girls.

"Really?" Leah asks, blinking in slight surprise.

"Yes, Y/N has told me about the visits from all of the girls but the only person she mentioned that she actually wants to see is you, Leah" The doctor tells the blonde.

"See?" Lia smiles at Leah and sqeeuzes her shoulder. "I told you that I don't think Y/N could ever hate you or be angry, you know that, Le" she insists.

"I know" Leah bites her bottom lip anxiously, taking another glance at the door ahead. "I just can't help but feel horrible for making the decision and I'm weary incase she resents me for it" she admits, quietly.

The doctor frowns at them both. "I know it must have been hard to be the one to make that call but it was for the right one to give her the best possible chance to get better" They explain.

"You shouldn't be blaming yourself for this, Le. It's what was needed" Lia repeats the doctors words, so to speak.

"Yeah, yeah I know" Leah admits, pulling at the sleeves of her hoodie that she had on.

"You're nervous to see her?" The doctor asks, making the brief observation.

Leah can't help but snort slightly. "That obvious?" she jokes.

"I've been in this job for a while now, it's easy enough to pick up on things like this" The doctor chuckles amusedly. "Regardless of what may have been said, I have a feeling that Y/N will be happy enough to see you" They add in.

"SNAP" You scream loudly as you slam your hand down on the deck of cards that are on the table. "HA! I win!" You cheer in glee.

Kyra let's out a irritated huff while she glares at you. "Why are you so vicious with this game?" she asks.

"I want to win" You smirk and stick your tongue out at her, pulling the deck of cards towards you.

"Kyra, you're literally losing a child" Vic chips in, watching the game amusedly.

"Said child is a menace" Kyra mumbles as she pouts.

"Sucks to be a loser" You can't help but quip as you reshuffle the deck of cards in your hand.

"Room for a couple more visitors?" Leah pokes her head round the door and braces herself for your initial reaction to seeing her.

"LE!" You dart up from your seat and run to the blonde, abandoning the game of cards completely.

All feelings of anger had been swept aside as you were just happy to see her in the room. You thought you'd blown it when you told her that you hated her.

"Hi bubs" Leah instantly embraces you in her arms and kisses the top of your hair. "I've missed you, Y/N/N. I'm so sorry I haven't been to visit you" she apologises.

"S' okay, you're here now" You mumble, burying her head in her chest as you refuse to let go off her.

"Oi I'm here too, you know" Lia jokes playfully, knowing that you would want that moment with just the blonde.

"Yeah, yeah. Hi Wally" You grin cheekily at the older girl before you turn back towards the older blonde girl. "I'm sorry for what I said cos' I didn't mean what I said about hating you, I was angry and upset and I really don't hate you I promise!" You tell her honestly.

"It's okay bubs, I know you were upset and didn't mean it" Leah smiles as she squeezes you a bit more tighter than before, being careful in case she caught any of your bandages on your arms.

Moving to sit down on the now vacant chair, Leah plonks you down on her lap as she keeps her arms wrapped around you tightly since it was apparent you weren't going to let go any time soon but she was okay with how clingy you was after she hadn't seen you in a few days.

"Whats' been going on here then?" Lia looks towards the game that was previously being played.

"We were playing cards, but Kyras' being proper salty because she's loosing now" You grin, sticking your tongue out at the Australian girl.

"How do you even loose at that game?" Steph wonders.

"I didn't know you could even loose at snap" Beth chuckles, amusedly.

"Apparently so" Jen jokes, joining in with the two of them.

Leah can't help but laugh amusedly as she runs her fingers through your hair. "The doctor said that you're making good progress" she tells you.

"Mhm" You mumble, resting your head on her shoulder.

"That's good news!" Vic overhears the conversation as she smiles at you.

"Yeah, that means you'll be able to come home soon enough" Alessia pipes in.

Katie can't help but scoff. "She should've never been here in the first place" she sneers in the direction where Leah is sat.

"Katie" Kim glares at the Irish girl.

"What? It's true!" Katie exclaims in outrage, not backing down from glaring at the blonde. "You and I both know it, we all do! She should've never been here, she should have been at home with people that care about her" she insists.

"It's what was best for her" Leah fires back just as quick.

"Was it?" Katie scowls at her.

"Can you guys please not talk about me like I'm not in the room?" You huff and glance between the two older girls.

"Sorry kid" Katie apologises.

"Sorry bubs" Leah apologises.

"Hey, Y/N/N, it'll be good that you're getting out of hospital soon enough now" Kyra slyly grins at you, looking forward to the pair of you being able to cause mischief in no time.

"Yeah, partners in crime reunited again" You grin at the Aussie girl.

"No, no! Absolutely not!" Steph protests, shaking her head. "It took me at least a week to get the ketchup of the ceiling after the last stunt that you two idiots pulled" She adds.

"I don't know what you're talking about" You try to act innocent as you slyly smirk at Kyra.

"Oh, really? So the baking soda just happened to find it's way inside the ketchup bottle, did it?" Steph narrows her eyes' in the direction of the two of you.

"Maybe" Kyra can't help the shit eating grin on her face.

"I know that look, the pair of you are definitely going to be up to no good" Viv shakes her head.

Jen chuckles in amusement. "You two willl definitely be under a careful watch now incase the next prank gets out of hand" She notes.

"Sure, cos' I'm not going to already be watched like a hawk now anyways, right?" You remark sarcastically, peering up at the older blonde.

"What do you think?" Leah replies back, raising one of her eyebrows.

"You can relax, Le. I'm not going to attempt to kill myself again any time soon" You joke, not realising that now probably isn't the best time to make any type of comment like that.

"Y/N" Kim and Leah both scold you at the same time.

You huff when you realise the pair of them are already ganging up on you and remember that being the baby of the team definitely sucks sometimes.

"What? I'm just saying, I'm not gonna, well unless Leah attempts to try and cook dinner again then it's an easy way out-- Ow! What the fuck?" You continue to make jokes about the situation at hand, jolting in shock when you feel a light pinch on your thigh from said blonde you are sat on.

"Language" Leah states sternly, giving you one of her famous glares.

"That was mean of you to do that! Too soon to make jokes about it then?" You pout and rub your thigh to try and relieve some of the pain. "Yep got it" You add, smiling innocently at the blonde.

"So, I thought you weren't going to come in because it was hard for you?" Katie scoffs at the blonde, deciding to bring the subject up now that you were out of the room, having gone to grab a drink with Jen, Steph and Beth.

"Katie" Viv glances at Katie and exhales a sigh.

"It has been hard Katie" Leah admits, biting her bottom lip.

Katie scoffs again. "Oh? I'm sorry, I'm sure it must have been so hard for you, Leah" she deadpans.

"You don't know how hard it has been, Katie!" Leah shouts loud around the room, attracting a few looks in her direction.

"Wonderful" Steph speaks up first, exhaling a sigh.

"Not again" Beth mumbles, shaking her head.

"They're fighting again, aren't they?" You huff as you walk back towards the room with Jen as you can hear the raised voices from the two girls, who weren't seeing eye to eye now

"I think so" Jen agrees.

"Fantastic" You mumble, slowly walking back into the room.

"Oh? And how do you think it's been for Y/N/N? You made the decision to keep her in here!" Katie continues to argue with the blonde, not afraid to be open about her feelings. "You haven't even visited her once while she's been here" she adds.

The Irish girl really hadn't been happy with the whole decision that had been made but there was nothing that she could do herself to stop it from happening.

It had left a tense atmosphere between the two girls and they'd shared a few cross words ever since.

"It wasn't my choice Katie!" Leah insists, continuing to argue with the fiesty Irish girl.

Katie couldn't help but scoff and roll her eyes. "Sure, but you could have said something to stop it!" she fires back at the blonde, not willing to back down from the argument just yet.

"Girls lets' not do this here" Kim looks between the two of them as she notices you walk back into the room with the older girls.

"Katie, come on, just leave it" Caitlin takes a hold of the girls' hand to try and calm her down.

However, neither of the girls were willing to back down just yet.

They were both just as stubborn as one another sometimes.

"The doctors thought it was best since Y/N/N--" Leahs' words were cut off by you, walking in right at that moment.

"Tried to kill myself, I tried to end my life, and it would have worked if Leah hadn't ran in and stopped me, so everyone thinks keeping me locked up in here it will help to keep me safe"

The room is suddenly so silent that you could hear a pin drop.

Whoops?

"Hey, at least the therapy is somehow helping to help me express my feelings now. Yay" You deadpan, plonking yourself back down on Leahs' lap as you rip open the packet of Haribo Tangfastics you had brought from the hospital shop. "So, does anyone want a sweet?" You offer, like you hadn't just said what you did.

[libraford]

hello!

do you mind if i ask you for some tips & helps for beginners when it comes to tarot an witchcraft in general? i’m never sure what’s like an actual thing or someone pulling the whole “you’re not autistic you’re actually just a *insert wildly weird thing here*” if that makes sense?

it’s completely ok if you don’t want to answer this btw c: either way please an thank you & good luck with your drag show 🖤

Ummm, I'm not great at beginner tips because my practice is so personal and required so many years of going 'wtf am I doing' that unfortunately most of my advice is 'do some shit, learn hard lessons, try not to hurt anyone in the process.'

So the thing that's happening with the 'you're not (condition), you're (fictional creature)' rhetoric is, essentially, new age eugenics.

Psychology is a fairly new science and there's a lot of people who outwardly don't believe in it. Like they'll believe in pop-psychology that's easily disprovable ('if you chew on ice that means you have an oedipus complex' is one I've heard) but when it comes to things that are actually part of the field like... diagnoses for depression, anxiety, trauma- people start getting weird about it.

Where it comes from could be any number of things, but if you go back just... even ten years the culture surrounding openly talking about diagnoses is completely different. And I think that for a lot of people, having a diagnosis for why your brain does the thing it does means that they have to answer some hard questions for themselves.

There is also some distrust of medication (there have been some... not great medications for depression and ADHD in the past) as well as good old fashioned family ableism.

So. The easiest way to deal with this is to pretend that mental illness does not exist.

And make some rather... interesting conclusions to explain why people are a little strange. They're aliens. They're fairies. They're witches. They're part of an ancient race. They're from another dimension. They're reincarnations of ancient goddesses. They're shards.

If you believe these things for yourself, that's fine. If this helps you navigate your world better and hurts no one, I have no problem with it. It could be true and I wouldn't know it- fuck, I don't know the secrets of the universe.

If it works for you.

Unfortunately-

There are thousands and thousands of terrible books about how to treat your starseed child, your indigo child, your crystal child. And it is exceedingly common that these phrases are used to deny a child proper medical care. It dehumanizes them. It makes them 'other.' Its already difficult to socialize a child- now they're special magical children who don't need to be socialized. And these books sell. And they sell and they sell and they sell...

I am not a scholar in this field- I have just been to places, seen things, and listened to people.

But here's a recent paper linking starseed talking points to far-right extremism that will ruin a lot of New Age rhetoric for you forever.

I realize that my thoughts derailed there... which would be the ADHD. But in terms of what should you do when you're just starting out with witchcraft? Read as much as you can, listen to as many people as you can, but decide for yourself what's true and what's a load of hog shit.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 162 thoughts!

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 19

Aqua Hoshigan Status: uh oh, gamers

damn they dragged his ass right to hell, huh

I was perhaps overly optimistic in expecting an immediate resolution to last chapter's setup. It's becoming increasingly clear that this handful of chapters covering the Aqua-Hikaru confrontation are intended to be read in one go but because I am pedantic I will continue to review them one by one <3 This chapter very much has all the same issues as the previous chapter without quite as many of the things I liked pulling it up, but Mengo's art is back to going absolutely crazy and I got to see 2.5 new panels of Hoshino Ai so who can say whether it was a good or bad chapter.

Like last time, we're starting with Hikaru again and… basically everything I said I didn't like about this handling of him is still the case but with this almost definitely being his final appearance with no more opportunities to explain anything about him, it really sucks that the note we seem to be ending on is just "damn, bitch be crazy". Given that Tsukuyomi mentioned his previously 'noble soul' last chapter, I was really hoping we might get some sort of flashback or Hikaru POV giving some proper context to his actions but all we got this chapter was him being like "ughh i miss ai. GOD i love killing people" which is, uh, underwhelming as a final note for an antagonist like Hikaru to go out on, to say the least

The thing is, I didn't need or expect Hikaru to be totes 100% an innocent bean or anything like that (ch109 looms large), but if he was going to be the final boss like this, I wanted his antagonism to come from somewhere, to have any kind of connecting thread with the story's themes or to at least tell us interesting things about him both in coming to understand where his behavior came from and why he went down this path. But we don't know anything about Hikaru, really - we know facts about his life but as person and a character in a story, our image of him is shockingly unclear. As far as the story seems to be concerned, he came into existence as an 11yo boy being abused by Airi, blipped out of reality when Ai broke up with him and then idk digivolved back into society into a guy from a yandere otome game when Ai died. Like, how in god's name did Hikaru go from the boy we see being broken up with as a teenager to… whatever the fuck this is? How did he start killing? Why? What is it about killing that makes him feel Ai's supposed presence? And most importantly - why does he pursue killing Ruby as his means of achieving this when the narrative is doing everything it can to convince us she's Ai 2.0 and therefore a living person in whom Hikaru should be able to feel Ai's presence the most strongly since her death? Hello? Can anyone hear me????

We don't get textual answers to any of that - hell, we don't even really have any textual confirmation that he is actually serial killer, despite it being something I guess we're supposed to assume at this point?? Like, whatever happened to Aqua seemingly crediting Yura's death to Nino's involvement? What happened to Aqua saying that Hikaru being the mastermind made no sense? Like, I guess he was right, but jesus

Even things I can take the time to try and infer (which, see last review's discussions on Inferring Things) just make me feel like I'm doing the work the story should have done in terms of trying to get his character to cohere. As it stands, Hikaru isn't in opposition to Aqua because he has harmful beliefs or behaviours born from his participation in society that stem from or are in conversation with the story's wider themes, but because he has one very specific unhinged belief totally disconnected from reality focused on one specific person and manifesting in such a way that caused him to just be Ontologically Evil And Broken.

And it's not like this would even be hard to do! Hikaru is literally, explicitly an affluent and powerful person in the entertainment industry despite being someone who was broken by abuse perpetuated by those very systems of power. Why not lean into that? Why not examine the ways in which Hikaru and Ai converged in their experiences of abuse - Ai able to truly sever the chain and begin healing while Hikaru ends up making Airi's mistakes and enacting abuse and control on people with less power than him to try and regain agency and dignity?

Ryosuke (even post retcon) and ch154 Hikaru work so well because their specific beliefs about Ai reflect real world misogyny and parasocialism that are rife in the entertainment industry (and even outside of it) so they're able to contribute to the story's wider themes pretty well. But as of this chapter, Hikaru's stated beliefs about killing and apparent overall worldview are so fucking detached from reality and so lacking any foundation or grounding in textual events or theming that it doesn't even feel like an exaggeration of real world issues to a logical conclusion like Ryosuke does. He just feels like a cartoon character.

Not only is this shallow in general and really a huge wet fart of an ending for a character who has been built up for 4 actual years and 150 chapters of manga, it's also just bizarrely inconsistent. There's no proper connecting thread in the text between the seemingly emotionally disarmed and remorseful Hikaru of 154-5 and fucking joker slenderman ass here. The story spent so long making Hikaru deeply and viscerally sympathetic through exploring his history of abuse and exploitation mirroring Ai's that I'm not sure of what the point of that was in terms of authorial intent if we were always gonna end at this point of "you are Ontologically Evil and must die". Movie Arc backstory Hikaru flows quite naturally into 153-5 Hikaru but these specific beliefs and fixations on killing almost feel like they popped up from nowhere to force this confrontation to happen.

Ultimately, despite being given ample opportunity to do so, it just kind of feels like Akasaka just kind of lost interest in trying to develop Hikaru into a fully fleshed out and coherent character. We get flashes and teases of what could have come together into a fascinating and compelling antagonist but he ultimately fails to evolve past a vague sketch of a character, full of unconnected ideas and loose threads. In the end, Hikaru is only ever a cipher for the story to enact tragedy through with no real interest in his own feelings and interiority in relation to it - not even his own.

To scooch back a bit into the chapter, I will say that him being dragged down specifically by Gorou is interesting, especially since he seems to have returned to his scary ass Tokyo Blade rage ghost form. This seems to represent Gorou and his rage being sort of 'exorcised' from Aqua now his revenge is complete (as I theorized might happen last week) - his memories and existence obviously live on in Aqua (F… FOR NOW…..) but as a character in a narrative, this feels like a fine enough place to leave him.

Anyway, speaking of Aqua! How ya doing, champ?

that bad, huh

The back half of this chapter revolves around giving Aqua some emotional resolution of his own and even though I've been kicking and biting to get some Aqua introspection for so long now, this one left me feeling pretty cold. After all this time of floating around the 'why' of his reincarnation, the answer we're finally given is….. just that Aqua was reborn to be Ruby's guard dog lol.

The idea that the twins were specifically reborn to be together has been imo pretty obvious for a good long while and I think it's a perfectly fine idea on paper, but this framing of it just kind of falls flat to me. I don't like that it positions Aqua's rebirth not as a second chance for him to love and be loved in a way he wasn't able to as Gorou, a gift from Tsukuyomi to two people who showed her a selfless, thoughtless kindness but as just yet more of the story using other characters and their stories to try and prop up Ruby or imbue her with more importance in a way that I think feels forced and does the characters who are used in this manner a huge disservice. I'm sure we could conclude that this is just Aqua's feelings on the matter and I really, really hope that Tsukuyomi fishes him out and gives him a slap while yelling YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE FOR YOURSELF AND BE HAPPY IDIOT or something next chapter, but the extremely warm framing this is all given makes me think this is something the narrative both agrees with and approves of and as an Aqua enjoyer I just kind of hate that for him.

I also have to say that like… it doesn't not make sense for the story's finale and this aspect of the reincarnation plot to center Ruby specifically. She is one half of the titular Oshi no Kos and at least hypothetically the co-protagonist of the story. But suddenly making her the answer and central turning axis of basically the biggest ongoing mystery in the story like this feels kind of jarring when Akasaka spent a solid half of this entire manga not really doing her justice. This attempt to tug on our heartstrings via flashbacks to the twins' childhood also doesn't really do anything for me because as cute as it is, it's just disconnected flashbacks to brand new events in their childhood we never saw or heard about before. And it's weird because it's not like we don't have in-story examples of Aqua being over protective of Ruby, so why not flashback to those?

Idk. It's hard for me to articulate why this left me feeling kind of cold, but it feels like a symptom of this being part of an ending that Akasaka set in stone too early on and hasn't compromised for he way the character dynamics and story that made it onto paper have shifted and changed in ways that don't one hundred percent line up with the ending he wanted. If the twins' relationship was going to be this important to the ending and be so central to Aqua's existence as a character, I wish we'd spent more time on it. One of the major critiques of OnK that people had from like chapter 12 onwards that I still agree with is that Aqua and Ruby's relationship doesn't feel like a close knit connection between two people who grew up together for 1X+ years, and that continuing issue makes it kind of hard for me to feel the warm and fuzzy sibling feels right now. Which sucks because I LOVE the Hoshino family trio and I love Aqua and Ruby's family dynamic when we actually get to see it - their chapter of interlude and some of the scenes in their home in early OnK are some of my fave parts of the story for that exact reason. But this just kind of whiffed for me.

It also isn't lost on me that Ai is basically absent from these flashbacks despite them primarily taking part in the part of the twins' childhood they spent with her. I get that the idea was to focus specifically on Aqua and Ruby's dynamic there but it still feels kind of…

I've already written a short essay on this topic as it pertained to the initial reveal of Tsukuyomi's role in AQRB's reincarnation and the TL;DR of that post is that early in the series, Ai is centered as a character of as much significance to the reincarnation plot as Gorou/Aqua and Sarina/Ruby are, with the togetherness of the Hoshino family as a trio and Ai specifically as Aqua and Ruby's mother being emphasized as having a great deal of meaning and importance. But this chapter doubles down on essentially erasing her as a figure of weight and consequence in the twin's reincarnation in a way that is both inconsistent and just kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Like… I'm sorry, but given how much of Ai's character revolves around her being the victim of exploitation, of objectification, sexual and otherwise, of being forced to warp herself to response to the filthy desires thrust on her by the people around her, it's really just gross and a huge misstep for her to be reduced to a convenient walking uterus. It is yet another example of Ai being reduced to just a stepping stone in Ruby's narrative and part of a pattern in this regard I've come to really dislike. Framed like this, Ai's own act of bravery and love in giving not just herself but Sarina and Gorou the family all three of them were denied all their lives is now nothing more than a vessel for Sarina's wish fulfillment. As you can imagine, I kind of hate this too!!

Depending on if volume 16 follows 14 and 15's trend of being 11 chapters long instead of 10, vol16 will end on either 162 or 163 - based on how 162 ends, my guess is that this is our volume ender so I'm curious to see what form 163 will take - straightforward continuation of this scene or focus switch to other characters to maintain suspense? I guess we'll see in THREE FUCKING WEEKS……. Akasaka i swear to god……………………….

sidebar but tsukuyomi just out here floating is kind of wild. what happened to 'it's a normal child's body' ya little twerp?

[songofapollon]

Χαίρετε, worshippers and devotees of Apollon!

Welcome to the shrine of Apollon! This is a community shrine, meaning it’s a shrine for many of us to share, offer, and show our Love for Lord Apollon.

The Shrine is a safe space for everyone. By that, I mean any queer people, BIPOC, nonhumans, systems, those who are disabled, neurodivergent, mentally ill, and anyone else who does not wish harm on others. There is ZERO tolerance for racism, ableism, queerphobia of any kind (homophobia, transphobia, etc), or any other kind of hate. The person who runs this blog has signed the xenia declaration.

This is also a place where you may ask any questions you have or request posts you would like to see. That being said, asks or requests that make me uncomfortable or I simply do not want to answer will be deleted.

What Will Be Posted?

I’m not sure how often posts will be, but I would like to try and post at least twice a week, preferably more.

Posts may be information about Lord Apollon or His many aspects, artwork depicting Him, answering asks, prayers or hymns, occasional readings from Him, etc. I haven’t completely thought all of that out yet.

Guidelines

• The biggest one- Be respectful. Everyone worships differently, everyone believes different things, everyone has different experiences. Please always be respectful to others.

• This is a safe space for all - as well as all those I mentioned above, this space also welcomes minors (who are old enough to be on this app, of course). In addition, I, the person who runs this blog, am a minor. So please, please keep everything sfw and kind.

• Do your research. It's okay to be wrong or to not know something, but learn from that.

Additionally, I will try to list my sources in informational posts, and I always encourage you to fact-check me, please don't blindly trust information from a random Tumblr post, as much as I hope my information is true.

• Use common sense and kindness. Always think before you say something, be kind when speaking to someone else. Don't do something you wouldn't do in real life.

Who Runs the Shrine?

Hello there! I'm Aspyn and I run this shrine to Apollon. I am trans, queer, and aroace. My pronouns change a lot but He/Him and It/Its reliably fit me. I am a devotee of Lady Aphrodite, Lord Apollon, and Lord Hypnos.

I AM A MINOR. IF YOU DONT WANT TO INTERACT WITH MINORS DONT FOLLOW.

I am NOT an expert on any of this, nor am I any sort of authority. Please don’t hold me to that standard, I never want to seem like I think I’m better than anyone else.

Tags

The Song of Apollon - Any original post on this blog

Shrine Songs - Original informational textposts

The Shrine Inquires - Community Questions or Polls

Sharing Songs - reblogs

[mrs-monaghan]

Hello Shaz

I would love to hear your opinion on 3D and all the talk around it

My thoughts on the talk around it is; "wow, well this is a load of garbage" (no offence to any friends I may have who don't like the song I just disagree that its a terrible song)

Alright. 3D. Let's talk. My thoughts. First, what's with the fucking homeless trousers??

I hate rich people 😭😭😭😭 if I wear this people will wonder why I didn't go back home to change after I fell in mud 😪

Anyhu, before i even say a thing. We should probably all try to remember that JK said this

(Thanks @chicknbunny13)

Yeah sure, even if he doesn't write a song, he may resonate with it. But not everything he does is a reflection of his actual life. This one, is for the Jikook antis btw. This is why my anons are still off. People, I dont have the energy for antis rn. JK sang 'girl' so what? This topic is super old and tired and consider it officially retired from this blog. I'm sooooo over it 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Now that we have that out of the way let's tackle the fact that our JK is a grown, grown adult. I don't need to bring back the live where he told people he's an adult and he is almost 30 and he will do what he wants to do. And if he wants to sing about this, that's exactly what he will sing about.

Oh my,

Even Jimin knows all about it

Tweet

BAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!

Let is be known i am choosing to take that sentence literally. I think JK just means him, the girl, with champagne and confetti. I really don't think it means anything else here. But, seeing as this is another sex song, I won't put it past him.

Anyone else notice a recurring theme here?

Okay then. 😳

Also shout out to this random kid with the horse

I can't be the only one who has no clue what his point was 😂😂😂

While we are on the champagne topic,

I mean....

Make no mistake, SEVEN and 3D are singing about the same thing. If SEVEN was in your face, 3D is subtle. But they are both just talking about sex here. Which is why it doesn't make sense to me why people are so upset??? As a person who likes Harlow and has heard his songs before, this did not shock me one bit. There is nothing wrong with this song. It is meaningless and shallow but guess what, thats the type of music the GP is listening to rn. I understand why Asians have an issue with this line

And I can respect that. I don't have to understand it, but if Asians say its offensive, then its offensive. In which case I think that's just ignorance on Harlow's part. The people behind the song and JK himself are not going to okay something degrading. So it is of my opinion that people are reading too much, way too much into something that aint even meant to be deep.

It's a song, about sex. The only thing deep about it, is the holes that will be getting penetrated.

This song doesn't require to be analysed. Okay, maybe when trying to decipher the analogies being used but that's it. JK has one agenda and one agenda only; release music that the general public will devour, get his name out there and be a huge pop star. And it is working.

Cue Boracity's new video about each member and who their target audience are for each solo project

JK did not write these songs. If he did I'm sure they would have more meaning. But that's not what he's aiming for rn. Right now the man just wants to put out something that he knows will sell. Wants to put out something that will be a hit. And 3D is exactly that. Just like SEVEN. Mans was asked for the meaning of the song and by his answer, I'm not sure even he knows.

What??

Did anyone understand that???? If you did, break it down for me coz I did NOT understand that 😂😂

This song has no meaning. Its shallow, catchy, easy to remember and move to. Enough with trying to complicate shit! It ain't that deep. Period.

JK cared more about the choreo.

While Jack is calling himself a whore for wanting 4 women, JK is busy dancing throughout. So I will listen to JK and enjoy the song and choreo. Because there is nothing in the lyrics and there was never intended to be.

Idk why y'all mad when we stan a consent king:

Personally I dont have time to be angry because 1) i see no reason to be, and 2) i am too busy admiring JK's body proportions 🤤🤤

Damn, Jimin's man is hot!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[poetrysmackdown]

some informal thoughts

hello! hope the holiday season has been kind to all of you. and i hope all my jewish followers had a lovely hanukkah! anyways, since i said a few months ago that i’d pick poetry smackdown back up sometime around this time of year, i thought i should make a post. the gist of it is that i’m still quite busy, i have a break that’s about three weeks shorter than I was planning on, and i don’t currently have the mental bandwidth required to read, contemplate, and sort through poem submissions in a way that does justice to them, even if i were to recruit some friends to help out. since running a tournament format requires at least five weeks of continued engagement once it’s underway, and since i’m not at capacity to offer that right now due to the change in my schedule, i’m gonna have to bow out for now. sad bc i was looking forward to it!

my hope is that i’ll have some more time over the summer to hunker down with it, in which case you’ll be hearing from me. it’ll frankly depend on the kind of job i land in for the summer, but i find that my unemployed spirit can typically keep me doing stupid shit regardless of workload...to a point. i don’t want to make any promises because i don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up just to let them down again LOL. i do admit the amount of exposure the first tournament got has made me feel like more of a perfectionist this time around, doubly because i don’t feel that i’m very suited to being a public online presence (even a relatively quite small one)—i’m bad enough at responding to emails for my own real life responsibilities, let alone tumblr asks for the silly responsibilities i invent for myself lol. that’s not to say i no longer want to do it, or i don’t enjoy it, or even that i don’t feel capable of making a really interesting bracket—just that if i am working to put something new together, and if people are taking the time to submit poems they care about, then i don’t want to half-ass it.

my second admission is something like this. I made the original bracket as a celebration of poetry and our relationships to it. yes it was silly and competitive, and the poems were very tumblr, but still, celebration was the intention—I wanted to have conversations about poetry. I stand by the bracket format as a fun and valuable way to foster conversations about poetry, but truthfully, the poems i’m wanting to have conversations about right now—the poems that we should be talking about right now—are ones that i'm not comfortable putting in a bracket. I reblogged The Baffler’s Poems from Palestine collection on here earlier, and Najwan Darwish’s “Who Remembers The Armenians?”, which I still often find repeating through my head when I'm traveling from one place to another, walking home or riding the bus. I came across this beautiful thread recently where people have been translating Dr. Refaat Alareer’s “If I Must Die” into their own languages (this just makes my translator's heart sing!!!!!!). @havingapoemwithyou has been posting some great poems from and for Palestine as well—check out their tag here.

There's always more to add, and I'll be posting more on here as I come across it, but that's what I feel anyone should be focusing on right now when it comes to poetry. i think poetry can be an escape but it should never be a distraction. does that make sense? i wouldn't be against doing a one-off poll here or there, but it feels weird to be making a tournament for poetry right now, or anytime soon. i feel like what free time i have right now is still best utilized helping my friends with organizing in the real world. and god, a bit off-topic but while I'm talking, fuck poetry foundation—I have so much respect for all the poets keeping up the boycott, because while i think it's a simple decision, it's not always an easy one (Aurielle Lucier discussed that here).

anyways, if you read all of this, thank you for your time!! I could go on and on, but really this was just meant to be a message telling y'all that there won't be another tournament for a while lol. even so i'll be trying to use this small silly platform as best i can until palestine is free because that's the absolute least i can do.

[joe-spookyy]

nothing makes me more evil than seeing someone misinterpret daniel “oz” osbourne of buffy the vampire slayer fame. this is deeply unfortunate because it seems to be all everyone knows how to do. the amount of people i’ve seen dogging on him for things he did not even have control over is crazy. if you have issues with him read on. he’s the best character and i will die on that hill, so fight me on this one. i dare you. season 4 spoilers under the cut sorry to my friends. also him and tara could have been best friends but this isn’t really about her. just had to say it.

FIRST of all. he did not cheat on willow. veruca took advantage of him. i don’t even get how there’s grey area there - it’s clear that in both situations the wolf has control over oz, but not over veruca. so not only was HE not choosing to have sex with her or even aware that he was doing it, but SHE was aware and was taking advantage of him. this is not in ANY way his fault??? now yeah. he coulda been a little more defensive about himself when he was talking to willow and buffy but it’s oz. he’s already worried about hurting people when he’s a werewolf. if everyone’s telling him he’s bad and wrong for this he’s gonna believe it even if it isn’t true. and he didn’t have to scram and go full no contact after that. but again. he was SCARED! he didn’t wanna hurt willow any more than he already had. he made a snap decision based on what he felt he HAD to do. and if you’re one of the people who says just because he brought veruca into the cage that means he Wanted her to do that to him. i am going to get you. that’s victim blaming. he just wanted to make sure she didn’t KILL anyone. it makes sense that he would pick risking her taking advantage of him again over letting people die. did he handle it perfectly? no. that does not mean he wanted her to do all that. he loves willow and says that so many times explicitly. literally left to make sure he was good enough for her. he did not want veruca. jesus.

and SECOND. even worse is the people who are saying he comes across as homophobic for having a negative reaction to finding out about willow and tara. like. hello. did we watch the same scene. not once does he say anything negative about the fact that they’re both girls. he’s clearly just upset that willow didn’t tell him she was involved with anyone else, and with his whole new controlling the wolf thing, there’s gonna be a lot of pent up emotion and probably anger. so when he got extra upset when tara wouldn’t tell him anything more and eventually ended up wolfing out, it’s clear that it’s because he’s upset that he trusted willow but she didn’t give him all the information about where she was at and whether or not he had a chance with her again. which makes sense from her perspective of course, and tara’s reaction was valid too, but we can’t act like he suddenly hates gay people just cause he got mad that someone he cares about wasn’t totally honest with him. and he warns tara so he doesn’t end up hurting her by accident. and at the end of the episode all he wants to know is whether willow is happy. and she is. and so he’s happy for her and accepts it. i don’t even know how people are getting any other perception of the situation. god. sorry.

big idea is if you think oz is in the wrong for either of these i am going to hunt you down and beat you up evil style and maybe sit you down and have a talk about media literacy.

[trickstersaint]

hey, i just finished playing aromanticism, and it made me feel a lot better about my circumstances lately. ive come to terms with my aromanticism for a long, long time now (Almost 10 years!), but as ive gotten older, it feels like people keep their distance from me- and it's been really hurtful. i found a lot of peace, suddenly, reading aromanticism. i think im gonna carry that metaphor with me forever now lol, having a still heart. i feel a profound sense of pride about it. 1/

hello!!!! first of all, i'm so so glad to hear that it was so positive for you. it makes me so happy to know that there are other aro people reading that project and finding hope and pride and value in it: that's more than i could have ever hoped for when sharing it, truly :)

one thing i think about a lot with aromanticism is that sense of pride. it seems.... strange, maybe, but i think that it's something that can and does coexist with that sense of hurt. just like any queer identity, the world around us might not show us any care, but just like any queer identity, our decision to find pride and joy in our existence is one that is motivated from the inside. queer pride has never been something that was handed to us by other people, but on the flip side, it's always been something that you can fight to have and to keep :)

as for what emotion inspired me to make the poem: i do NOT want to say love here because that's not really what it is (<— guy who is only ever like a few really in-depth tumblr posts away from id'ing as loveless). but in the way that i say "i love being aro". that kind of love. the joy and pride and contentment that i feel with being aromantic, and the spite that often fuels it, the rush of defying the expectation that i be miserable or that i hate the way that i am. love is not important to me. but what is important is holding myself gently against a world that isn't kind to me, you know? aromanticism is a light that i cup in my hands up close to my chest and it's something that brings me a sense of warmth and peace.

i said this in a reblog somewhere in the notes of the original post, but i originally wrote this for a creative writing class where i assumed most people would never have even heard of aromanticism. personally, i am deeply, deeply protective of that little light; and while there are negative aspects of any life experience to talk about, i did NOT want to hand over something to non-aro people that would reinforce the idea that being aromantic is something that leaves a person unhappy. you can be upset about it. you can be afraid about it. but still, but still, you will find a way through. it's not something that dooms you. it's something you can grow to embrace. originally, there was a version where the doctor was not always kind to you; knowing that it would be read through by allo people, though, i didn't think that they should get to say, indirectly or not, that my experience—aro people's experience—was an unhappy one. i didn't think that was a choice they got to make, in real life or in fiction. and when i handed it to aro people it got to be a wonderful, beautiful moment where every path took them back to a confirmation of validity and pride and joy.

there's an ending that you can only see by going through all of the choices completely confident in your still heart, and i fully expected when i wrote this that nobody but myself would see it. it remains such a joy to see mentions of it in the notes of the original post. it can be hard for me to cry but man i get fucking close...

i hope i answered everything! if you do make something similar with twine i would love love love to see it :) i highly encourage anyone wanting to make something similar to go experiment with the program, it's free and it's pretty easy to get the hang of. if you'd like to see the twine game that inspired me to make aromanticism, i would be so excited to direct you to with those we love alive, which is a beautiful, surreal, fantastically creative piece that i highly recommend you read. adore you anon and i hope aromanticism (the piece and the concept) can be a joy for you for years and years to come 🖤

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 4/2/2024

in which i try to clean two different boxes with varying success

new people: hello! the tuesdaypost is a weekly roundup of stuff i've been listening, reading, watching, playing, and making. it is NOT a recommendation series, although i sometimes dabble in critique. when im firing on all cylinders i ask "what is the core concept of this? does it succeed in what i think it's trying to do and what it says it's doing?is it well-made but i dislike it/beautiful but not for me? why? what parts Really Work?"

if you are into purity culture, yelling at other people about the problematic media they consume, or are under 18 i am going to have very little patience for you.

listening

now that i live in houston i am legally obliged to loop the new beyonce album 24/7. there is absolutely truly nobody fucking doing it like her. every song is a multimedia art piece. goddamn do i miss the album as a tool to convey a specific concept/listening order/flow. sometimes (chappell roan most recently comes to mind, although it does feel unfair to compare anyone to beyonce) every individual song is pretty good but the listening experience if you sit down and listen all the way through the album is unpleasant and choppy. not so here. NEVER here.

my favorite like Dance Number is YA YA (it samples nancy sinatra's boots! and the beach boys' good vibrations! wildly different tones despite coming out a year apart!)

the one that goes on four different character/tone playlists is BODYGUARD.

great early roundup of influences, samples, and collaborators. delighted to see five fingers for marseilles listed, a rocky but underrated south african neo-western free on tubi rn for americans

-

reading

also very texas-relevant with the recent pornhub lawsuits! pornhub and sex tech (among other things) have been samantha cole's beat for almost ten years. i trust her to report sensitively and not for like. shock clicks

this site has a free paywall (sign up with your email for a link to the full article) so bots have a harder time scraping articles: this is a journalist-founded site with only the four founders running it and writing articles. while annoying i do think this is a reasonable measure

The platform still has problems, but after years of critical reporting and a litany of legal and reputational consequences, Pornhub is now more heavily moderated than any other porn platform, and most major social media platforms, for that matter. A growing list of age verification laws has put Pornhub in a position where it is compelled to block access to its site in seven states and counting. In theory, these laws are designed to prevent children from being able to access pornography online. In reality, what is going to happen is that children are going to end up on pornographic sites that don’t care what the law says, and where some of the most harmful content that exists online is actively promoted to them.

she's also got a new limited series podcast with CBC about the rise and fall of pornhub, which was fascinating and kept me company during an extremely early morning drive

-

watching

i'm lukewarm about this one but i spend a lot of time getting there, much like this movie

ive been watching a lot of frankly dogshit thrillers, which has made me wonder: what's the deal with supervillans? where did they come from? and thence arrived at the prototypical film Dr Mabuse the Gambler (1922, dir. Lang). the four and a half hour cut on Kanopy is two normal-length movies superglued together, which makes sense as a streaming product but it is sort of a terrifying runtime and took me three days to get through.

sometimes, as we know, i get a real bee in my bonnet about visiting the early versions of things. dr mabuse is the blueprint for every james bond and mission impossible villain, or really any shadowy supervillain with power over [INDUSTRY] or [THE MARKET]. it is a four and a half hour long cat and mouse game through lavish, eccentric sets between mabuse and prosecutor wenk. it has some trouble sustaining itself bc it is four and a half hours long but does deliver on the cat and mouse aspects. this letterboxed review has interesting things to say about the political climate of 1922 germany and how lang subverts the formula of the pulp serial.

really the film opens with mabuse yelling at his cocaine-addicted assistant, but the film properly gets going with mabuse's henchmen stealing a trade agreement (nothing really carbon dates a movie more than a missing trade agreement. vanishingly few post-early-30s movies have missing trade agreements as plot points) and then he crashes the stock market. for fun and profit.

however. i think every time you see an evil man who is a banker or stockbroker or generally uses money as power you have to interrogate whether it's antisemitic. the answer here is "maybe" but i'm not sure if intent matters when contemporary nazi critics were eager to hold mabuse up as "this is the typical jewish criminal". (sorry about the link directly to wikipedia, it's been touch finding online sources for this section). mabuse is not specifically jewish, but there are certainly elements of stereotype. i am still not good at being presented with "this movie has a shadowy behind the scenes figure manipulating the government and all the money ever" and going "hey wait a minute".

after that tremendous glaring caveat, for which i read more contemporary reviews and reviews in general than i ever read for movies in these posts, is it good? eh. a contemporary VARIETY review remarked (and i largely agree)

The direction of Fritz Lang has moments – but Lang somewhat negates his good technical effects by twenty forty-word captions of a ludicrous unconciseness.

the night scenes are particularly well done, and imo are better than many modern night scenes--other contemporary reviews remarked

In this film the techniques of the film camera (Carl Hoffmann’s brilliant photography) are brought to perfection. The problem of how to film lit-up streets at night has been solved for the first time. It is unbelievably impressive to see the glaring lights of speeding cars flash through the night or the rapid passing of an elevated train of the initially blurred, then gradually focussed glimpse through a pair of opera glasses on to the variety stage, the nuances of light and shade—these things alone prove the value of film documentary.

look at this shit! filmed from within the cars! in 1922!!!

this film asks you to believe hypnotism is real and really effective, so i don't think it's that big of a leap when it asks you to believe in ghosts. i don't understand that quibble from contemporary viewers. there are several on screen suicides with like. specific methods. which is not currently regarded as good filmmaking practice. im curious to know what contemporary audiences thought but couldn't immediately turn anything up, and wading through masters’ theses on cinematic suicide is a little beyond my current mental health.

if i were a more content-minded woman this would turn into a clickbait video essay about the antisemitic origins of every supervillan. however i am unqualified and untalented at video editing and i'm sure there are forty theses on this already. this movie is a hard sell to anyone jewish or employed. it is also a stunning example of cutting-edge film technology and part of the genesis of the modern supervillan. Fritz Lang films tend to fall in the category of “movies i am happy to see once and feel no need to revisit”.

-

playing

playing what is effectively the same game three times back to back (breath of the wild, tears of the kingdom, genshin impact) has sort of burned me out on open world games with a focus on battle skill progression and stumbling across little puzzles in the overworld. i have to get itch.io up and running on this pc and find the most linear jankiest possible one-sitting indie thing. or several of them. i might try the solo ttrpg Gentleman Bandit i seem to have acquired in one of the giant charity bundles

brief breath of the wild update bc i don't want to pull screenshots off my switch: i have gotten to the boss fight for the gerudo and goron regions, have not completed them bc my focus in this game is NOT hearts, and am in the middle of the zora temple. despite the quality of life improvements and new regions in totk i think i prefer botw: progression is a bit easier, there are fewer mmo-style hub quests and repeatable quests. things like the stable photos are cute but very repetitive, so are the sign bracing puzzles, and the sky crystal quests for sky shrines feel VERY samey. also dislike how the CLEAR OUT: [REGION] quests with the monster suppression squads reset at the blood moon.

anyway! to genshin! there was an exceptionally fun little event with a surprisingly involved management sim tacked onto the game??? you make and sell potions fulfilling different requirements, and can eventually stock travelling merchants all over the continent. the actual act of making the potions was this block-filling 1010! style thing (screenshot from polygon)

the new region, a port town and tea-growing area called Chenyu Vale, is maybe the prettiest one in the game so far? it's the one that feels the most picturesque and Designed, like this is one huge mansion garden studded with follies. they also added background chatter and noise in the cities and towns, which really startled me and makes them feels much more lived in! this is a fun trick to avoid putting in a thousand NPCs and making everyone's framerate crash. the less stuff in your game, the less shit can go wrong.

also pulled for and got chiyori, a geo-aligned seamstress (and sometime spy???) swordswoman who has what i can only call domme voice

-

making

ok now we'll talk about boxes. i was rearranging my kitchen, as unemployed women are known to do, and noticed this recipe box i picked up back in mass was disgusting. the finish is starting to fail but it was genuinely grody and last summer i packed my kitchen in a blind panic inside an hour and did not have time to address it. i have never seen a recipe box at an estate sale before or since and it made me desperately sad.

it was full of a lot of stuff.

i went at it with a somewhat inadvisable combination of things: wood soap didn't budge it, so i dampened a paper towel in vinegar and wiped it down in the vain hope it would do something. the thing that worked, and would be inadvisable for anything veneered or less densely textured, was baking soda paste and the scrubby side of a sponge. it still smells Very musty even after 48h of loose baking soda inside with several changes, but that might be partly the recipe cards' fault. i would like to refinish this at some point but i don't have polyurethane on hand and the fun little project budget is empty until further notice/i get a job.

the hinge did rust a bit despite my best efforts but that has since been lightly steel wooled and oiled. a well loved object! it's possible the lady who died just fucking sucked and that's why literally her entire estate including many other things families usually keep was on sale, but i would like to think perhaps she simply had no other family? a well loved/used object even if all the recipes are for semi-horrifying fifties new england recipes.

the other box, pre-acids but post-washing: this topp trading card box with seven episode one packets of cards was intact with the original seal. i have verified it was not worth much more than the $5 i paid for it with the trading card obsessed man in my best friend's husband's friendgroup. i bought this three months ago but the man was unavailable to open it until uhhh last week. some sort of liquid got inside it at some point and it was super corroded. i was going to store embroidery floss in here but even with all my powers (barkeepers friend. brasso.) i cannot completely remove the corrosion. it's not corroded Through but it looks bad and feels rough. so it goes. it'll probably hold the tiedown straps in my car bc that plastic bucket is rapidly failing

[linnetagain]

Hi! I’m not sure if you’re comfortable answering questions about your fics here so please feel free to ignore this if you’re not.

I’m a russian queer who left a comment under chapter 3 of The Season and I’m super qurious why you decided to make Астарион :), Cazador and Halsin russian. In Good Men and Monsters you mention that Astarion has been called upyr, does he have Eastern European background in that universe as well?

I’m completely enamoured with and fascinated by your works and wait for new updates religiously. Thank you so much for sharing them with us, you’re a солнышко! 🖤

Hello friend!! I am slow to answer but happy to! I can't promise I'll be very eloquent or be able to provide a satisfying answer but I'll do my best.

First of all, I haven't specified Astarion's background in Good Men and I likely won't, so if you want to read him as Eastern European please do! I can absolutely see how it fits. In the context of that discussion it's the concept of Vampirism and the folklore surrounding it that is focused on Eastern Europe rather than he himself. I am absolutely not going to touch some of Stoker's vampiric lore because he was a xenophobic Victorian man (the boxes of dirt... goddamn, Stoker, what the fuck - the grave dirt of course is relevant in Good Men but it's 'the soil the vampire was buried in' not 'fifty boxes of soil from his homeland'). I could write a whole essay on the symbolism of the outsider as a threat and the crossover of the ostracized sections of Victorian society in Dracula (non-english, lower class, homosexual, the list goes on and fucking on) but this is already a long reply so I'll spare you and look at Season.

There are a couple of reasons that it fits, for me, and a lot of it is to do with the Russian history of competitive ice skating. Writing a modern AU Astarion who wasn't a vampire meant I knew I needed to find another way to have that aspect of his character where his life hasn't been his own, where it's been shaped by other people for their own purposes, and even as an adult and being 'free' to make his own choices, he's living with the legacy of who they made him, and working to be more than that. Competitive sport definitely has that aspect already, unfortunately, and ice skating even more so.

I also never wanted him to be the only Russian, because then of course you're risking tokenizing him. Cazador made sense for obvious reasons, but Halsin too. I considered him because he's the other high elf companion, but also because in game he's the one with a history of war. Transferring him to a modern day context was harder than a lot of the other characters, but I wanted him to have that similar ground with Astarion that he has in game, even if they never address it. Unintentionally, it means that in Season he and Astarion have very different experiences of their culture and identity, especially in context of the diaspora, which is something I really enjoy exploring.

Of course that then raises the question of the current geopolitical state of Russia and the wider Slavic regions. Having real world issues as a basis for plot is always somewhat fraught, but it's also something very close to my heart and that I want to write about. I also didn't want to make them all British to avoid any of that difficulty, that would be both unrealistic and uninteresting.

I think the ultimate reason is that fiction, even fanfiction, is our way of processing and reflecting on and exploring our world. It's less obvious in fantasy settings, but it's still very much there. The ultimate reason I choose to do anything is because it's interesting - and usually, in a real world context, that means it's fraught and complicated. I want to write about things that matter, to me and to anyone who might read it, and I want to do it in a way that means anyone reading from a different context might feel seen.

The reason I started writing in the first place, however many years ago, is that I didn't see any asexual rep in fiction and I knew that if I needed it, someone else needed it too. I do the same now. I have queer Russian friends who feel like the world has moved on from what's going on in Russia at the moment, or that all Russian people are being treated like they MUST agree with what the Russian government are doing. The nuance of the situation and their identity is erased by oversimplification. I suppose part of writing this is just me wanting to do anything I can to combat that. It's not much, but I hope it's something, to know that you're seen and still being thought about, and people still care.

Writing characters who have dealt with miscarriage, drug abuse, xenophobia, chronic pain, emotional neglect and all those kinds of things is because I have feelings about these subjects, I want to discuss them, I want to explore what it means to live through something like that and how it affects you as a person. Fiction is a space to do that, and to invite people into those conversations that we wouldn't have otherwise. Art has always been a starting point, and it's always been at the forefront of social and political change. I don't write fanfic thinking it's going to change the world, obviously, but I do write it with the intention of treating real life situations with the respect and consideration they deserve, rather than just using them for drama or brushing over them because it's a difficult thing to talk about.

I know that Season is a love story. That's the ultimate goal, and I presume that's why people are still reading. But it's also, to me, a story about what it means to be queer in our world today. What that looks like, how far we've come and how far we still have left to go. I want to give people a story that is real, in that sense. That takes in all the fucking awful shit that can come with being queer and out and open, and still have hope and a happy ending. It's not easy, and I don't ever want to pretend that it is. But fiction also gives us a place where we can imagine what a happy ending might look like, in a world that doesn't provide them as often as we'd like.

So. Sorry for the essay as a response, but. I suppose I made Astarion Russian because it made sense for his character, but also because I want to write with hope, and not manufacturing false hope by turning away from the world as it is. I want to write all the awful, difficult, horrible things, and believe that happiness and hope are possible anyway, despite, and including them. We don't live in an ideal world. Sometimes I want to cave to despair and think that things will never be better. I write because I don't want to believe that's true.

[eredhes]

Hey!

I majored in anth at a p awesome school for it (had a so fun class where we hands on used paleo to neo lithic techniques- from making stone tools to processing hides) but there wasn't much available for prehistoric art (+ I was a major switch from microbiology so bio anth, epidemiology and forensics stuff, made more sense with my course history). Been out of school for almost 10 years now and unfortunately doing nothing even remotely related, but I'm wanting to learn more about prehistoric art of all sorts. With search engines being overrun with AI misinfo I'm not really sure where to start other than Wikipedia. Do you have any favorite resources you'd be up for recommending?

Thanks a ton! Happy holidays, and may the new year be kind.

Hello! I should preface this with saying I am just someone with a general interest and not remotely an expert haha! Getting to do hands on stuff sounds really fun!

A lot of my reading has been restricted to Upper Palaeolithic Europe, and cave art at that, so I can't really recommend anything outside of that.

I've been concerned also with avoiding misinformation - there was a painting I saw a while ago where it was obvious the level of research involved was typing "Lascaux" into pinterest and just using whatever results came up (the art used was from Cueva de los Caballos and Mesolithic) and it's been driving me nuts. I've been sticking to books for information, almost everything I've read has been through Internet Archive, and majority are over 30 years old so could be outdated, can contradict each other, and should be noted are can be very racist.

Putting the list of everything under a read more as it's quite long, I hope there's something useful in amongst all of this! Happy holidays, I hope you have a good new year!

Books and other resources I've found useful in no particular order:

The Cave of Lascaux: The Final Photographs by Mario Ruspoli (1987) [Is on Internet Archive but currently unavailable, the German version is still up.] When Lascaux was closed to the public Mario Ruspoli was hired by the French govenment to document the entire cave on film and wrote this book afterwards. Even though it's focus is Lascaux I found it a good introduction to the topic of cave art. I have tried to find the footage online with little success so if anyone knows... do tell. This book brings you through the cave and gives a good idea of the layout and where paintings/engravings are in relation to each other. I would love if there was something like this for other caves but I'm not aware of anything 🤔

Lascaux Virtual Tour [Link here] The video isn't toally clear but it gives a good sense of the layout, and you can click the little 'i' icon to see clearer photos and get more details.

Images of the Ice Age by Paul Bahn and Jean Vertut (1988) [Internet Archive Link] This book is also a good starting point! There's also Journey Through the Ice Age which is the same book.

Cambridge Illustrated History of Cave Art by Paul Bahn (1998) [Internet Archive Link] I haven't gotten around to reading this yet but it appears to be a broader scope and not restricted to Europe.

Palaeolithic Cave Art by Peter J. Ucko and Andrée Rosenfeld (1967) The main appeal of this bok is that it goes through the different possible reasons for cave art. I had to buy a physical copy as I couldn't find it online.

Kindred: Neanderthal Life, Love, Death and Art by Rebecca Wragg Sykes (2020) [Aeon article link "Sheanderthal: Not all Neanderthals were ‘cavemen’: half were women. What can archaeologists tell us about how they lived?] Not solely focused on art but she does talk about what the neanderthals made including a large circular structure in Bruniquel Cave - there is footage of the cave in the recent netflix documentary Secrets of the Neanderthals (not great, at one point the narrator says neanderthals lived in the neolithic lmfao but the interviews with experts are interesting).

Don's Maps [Link here] Really great website. Some books will mention a painting/engraving/sculpture but no image, so my first place to check is Don's Maps as everything he includes is either from a book which will be referenced or from his own visits to caves.

The Neanderthal Museum Digital Archive [Link here] Despite the name is not exclusively Neanderthal, lots of photos of cave art in the Wendel Collection (including a photo of the one known instance of a saiga antelope in cave art that I hadn't been able to find a photo of before!).

There's also the Archaeology Podcast Network and sites like Academia.edu but I don't have any specific recommendations at present.

[amaltheas-garden]

Some food for thought: I am an a Dany fan who supports a very nuanced reading of her that makes most other Dany fans accuse me of secretly hating her (lol) and I also do ship her with Jon because she’s had horrendous experiences with creepy older men and I would find it cathartic for her to find love with someone her age.

BUT I don’t like the idea of them just being king and queen and having a standard fantasy romance. I think there’s a distinction between Dany fans who love Dany the character and Dany fans who love Dany the ruler, Dany the queen, Dany the perfect chosen one. In fact the only way I’d actually want to see J/D played out in the books is them escaping the narrative together and fucking off somewhere (which, regardless of Jon’s involvement, is also the only realistic happy ending I can imagine Dany having that would be a satisfying end to her arc for me). To me it’s clear that Dany does not enjoy ruling and doesn’t genuinely want the throne—she wants the feeling of home and to be loved. I think she’s chasing the throne because she sees it as duty, both a familiar duty as taught by her brother and a divine duty as evidenced by hatching the dragons. I can see a world where she’s able to accept that she hates ruling because violence sickens her deep down (evidenced by her feeling sick recalling the crucifixions and having to convince herself it was just) but being unable to tolerate the moral compromises she must make to avoid violent solutions and thus can carve out a new path, eliminating the sense of threat because she’d be “free.”

However I’m not sure I would’ve considered the ship if not for the show (not that it was at all good in the show but it planted the idea) and I don’t agree with other fans of the ship that it’s undeniably foreshadowed in the books. So I just don’t really engage with ship content because I don’t jive with most of it. Especially because many of the fans get hostile about the fact that I also have positive feelings about Jonsa, although I’m just as picky about what kind of Jonsa I like, haha. Such a bizarre and frustrating experience. Luckily, most Sansa and Jonsa fans don’t mind that Dany is my favorite and that I also like J/D, but the same can’t be said for other Dany and J/D fans when they see I also love Sansa and Jonsa.

Weird fandom

Hello anon!

This is an amazing breakdown of Dany's character! 100% agree with the Dany ending up as Queen of the 7K being a bad ending for her. It just seems like a miserable job to have. Dany has had it ingrained since birth that the Targs must reclaim the IT at any cost and only then will their lives get better. The trauma Viserys inflicted on her has definitely left her clinging to that dream as motivation to keep going, which is the saddest part. She wants the IT, but she really just needs a home where she feels safe and loved (and far far away from the creepy men plaguing her chapters). My only real objection to J/D is I can't picture Jon leaving the North, but they do share a ton of parallels, and I can see why so many people love the ship. And since pretty much every big fan ship doesn't have anything more than possible parallels and foreshadowing, it's really anyone's guess at this point. And Jon is also one of only three dudes in the series (Sam/Gendry) who is nice and of an appropriate age to be shipped with most of the main female characters, so it makes sense both Sansa and Dany fans would want our faves to end up with him lol. I also can't really blame J/D fans for not liking Jonsa, when most Jonsas think Dany will have a villain arc. Like yeah there's bound to be some animosity, but it got way worse after the show since it kinda confirmed there was a decent chance Dany might die in the books. Ultimately the fandom is gonna continue to be at each other's throats until we get answers in twow/ados. Weird fandom indeed.

[nomatterwhatnomatterwhere]

What a ( Not so) Strange World: Extra- Yuu's Interlude

Author's Note: Hello, yes, as always I am late, but hey, we are here somehow. Sorry it's not an actual chapter, more like a little extra - spoilers? sneak peek? - about the next chapter, but I didn't feel like leaving you with nothing so I hope you can enjoy this little extra too

Warning: slight angst, little mention of a panic attack

Masterlist

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dear, I understand you're worried, but you won't help anyone by refusing to take care of yourself."

That was the first thing Yuu heard when they woke up, somewhat confused and disoriented, their breathing quickened and a weight on their stomach.

"While on the other hand pretending nothing has happened helps a lot’ that was your voice, rather shrill and definitely disgruntled ‘ Crowley hasn't even come to check on our condition and Riddle isn't doing any better, Cay said he has nightmares but pretends everything is fine, he doesn't even talk to Trey about it and-"

‘The HeadMaster is … not very empathetic, but I'm sure if he felt it necessary to intervene, he would have.’

That was Professor Trein's voice. Why was Trein in Ramshackle?!

"Yeah sure, because letting his students deal with an Overblot was not a situation where his intervention was needed!"

You sounded increasingly angry and even a little disappointed, if Yuu could read between the lines correctly

"I was scared. I've never seen anything like that. I've never even read about it! I didn't know what to do!" you were starting to sob " Crowley was busy evacuating students who were running away without him intervening anyway, while we were faced with a Riddle who wasn't really Riddle trying to kill us!"

Yuu heard Trein sigh as you sniffled

‘’He's the HeadMaster! How did he not realise one of his students was about to explode!"

"Crowley didn't -"

"He hasn't checked on Riddle once since he came out of the Infirmary. Trey said he made sure his magic levels were within normal range. As if the problem was his magic levels and not his mood or mental state, or whatever it is that causes an Overblot!"

After a few minutes of silence, Yuu was about to make it known that they were awake, but stopped, when they heard Trein speak

"Now that you've vented’ Yuu had never heard Trein speak in a tone of voice that was different from the soporific tone he used in class, yet here we are ‘ Would you kindly explain to me why Lucius found you wandering around the school aimlessly at" brief pause "three in the morning, when tomorrow, today, you have class?"

"As if you didn't already know"

"I'd rather hear it directly from you than make assumptions and maybe draw wrong conclusions."

And you started telling about how you couldn't sleep since the Thing had happened, that's what you had called the Overblot for all the talk, that you closed your eyes and saw only those rose bushes trying to hit you and in your ears you could hear that Riddle's evil laughter in anger.

Yuu could share the feeling, but in their case the adrenalin of that moment had turned into tiredness as soon as their heads hit the pillow.

Wandering around the school gave you back a sense of control, calmed you down and distracted you from whatever was going on in your head.

How back at the dormitory you had heard Yuu mumbling something and worried.

If you, who knew magic, even destructive magic, had trouble coping, it must have been even harder for Yuu.

By the way, Yuu was already having trouble sleeping, even if they hadn't told you, but you weren't blind and you remembered perfectly the look on their faces when Ace had first invited himself into the dormitory.

It was obvious they had nightmares about their situation, you'd had them too when you'd first arrived there, but you'd had support, Yuu seemed left to their own devices and you didn't know how to help

"Does Divus know you're here, or should I expect a second interrogation?" you asked once the whole thing was over

"Lucius threatened to strip his fur. But you didn't hear that from me" replied Trein, making you chuckle.

Yuu heard your footsteps moving away, and released a sigh.

This conversation had raised more questions about you :you had answered some of the questions Yuu had asked at the Unbirthday Party organised after the Overblot.

When Trey had ‘revealed’ that Cater did not like sweets, the ginger had immediately turned his gaze in your direction

"Don't look at me Cay, I didn't say anything."

"Maybe you got bought off by his chocolate muffins" Cater had joked to which you had responded without missing a beat

"They're berry, if we're being clear, and he hasn't offered me one in years"

"Blame yourself for that" Trey had inserted himself into the exchange, throwing you a look that Yuu hadn't quite managed to read, but which you seemed to have understood

"I'm sorry, okay? But it's not really all my fault. I'll make it up to you."

You had confessed that you had known both of them for a long time (‘Isn't it like I tried to hide it, though?’) as you consciously watched a piece of your tart disappear into thin air.

You also knew Che'nya, which made sense if you were childhood friends with Trey, though that didn't explain why you didn't know Riddle

(‘They met Riddle before they met me’ you had explained as you watched the three of you interact with each other ‘ We never got a chance to meet, but Che'nya liked to say I would like Riddle. Now I understand why’ you had not argued further)

If it had been another situation Yuu would have thought Trein was just worrying that a student hadn't broken the rules, or something like that, but this wasn't another situation.

You had called Crewel by his name without any problem, as if you were used to it, you had even joked with Trein as if it were routine.

The mere fact that Trein was using a non-suffusive tone was a huge clue that you had known each other long enough.

The thing was, it didn't make sense to Yuu: your parents had to have some connection to the NRC, otherwise it didn't explain the relationship you seemed to share with the two professors.

Heh. You hadn't actually talked about your family.

You weren't talking about yourself in general, now that Yuu was paying attention.

They should have asked you, as soon as you felt a little better, it wasn't a case of burying yourself in questions you might not want to answer.

You had a bad habit of keeping your problems to yourself, from what Yuu could guess, and forcing yourself to talk about them would probably have the opposite effect.

The next morning had arrived without too many problems, if you excluded yet another bizarre dream and the fact that Grim was a rather rude night owl.

You had already gone out, leaving a note on the kitchen table in which you apologised for leaving without telling them, but you didn't want to wake them up.

You had things to do before going to class, so if you hadn't passed each other in the corridors, you would most likely have seen each other in the Cafeteria.

You hadn't specified what it was you were supposed to be doing, but if Yuu understood anything about you it was that if there was something you didn't understand or didn't know the meaning of then it was time to do some research.

From the conversation they'd overheard that night Yuu would have bet you'd been researching everything you could about Overblot

( Or how to remove Crowley from his role as Head Master, that too could have been a research topic)

Although, if they had to be honest with themself, Yuu believed you wanted to avoid Ace as much as possible, and considering how the two Heartlabyul students were now regular guests at Ramshackle, leaving before he and Deuce arrived at your dormitory was the only solution.

You and Ace didn't know each other. Or at least, Ace certainly didn't know you, yet the annoyance Yuu perceived coming from you whenever the redhead was nearby was only understandable after years of acquaintance.

Ace was cocky, touchy, tactless, and had a rather peculiar way of showing that he cared about someone, but he wasn't just flawed, he fought for injustice, took an interest in other people's motives, and was their friend.

Yet the look you gave him when Riddle had recovered from his Overblot was furious. If you had been in another situation Yuu would have sworn you would have sewn Ace's mouth shut yourself.

It was something you did a lot, Yuu wasn't sure if you realised it, but whenever Ace was in your vicinity you not only visibly stiffened, but also assumed a bewildered expression whenever the boy spoke.

If someone had asked them, Yuu would have said that your reactions stemmed from the fact that you were very similar to Ace in the way you acted, but you weren't aware of that, and you certainly weren't ready for that conversation.

And even more surely Yuu wouldn't have brought up the subject with you, they didn't want to risk the blatant favouritism you had towards them.

Omake:

Good morning,

Well, I hope it's a good morning, but considering how much Grim talks in his sleep, I wouldn't be surprised. I have things to do before class and didn't feel like waking you up - not least because having a moaning Grim around in the early morning is not what I aspire to. To make it up to you, I made breakfast! If Ace and Deuce come, offer them biscuits but remind them that they have a respectable dorm and I don't want any trouble with either Trey or Riddle about their diet, thank you.

Make sure you're not late for class with Professor Trein, he hates latecomers!

P.S. If we don't run into each other in the corridors, save me a seat at the table in the Cafeteria.

[pileofsith]

Hello there (no pun intended),

I do not have any questions regarding the Grand Inquisitor/Nameless comic per se (which reminds me of the fact that I still need to leave a comment on Ao3), but I just wanted to say that you rewired my brain with the page on which Tion Medon talks about a young Grand Inquisitor being taken in by the Jedi without him knowing that the guy in front of him is actually the person in question (and the Grand Inquisitor looking kinda like a kicked puppy). I'm especially obsessed with the line "Very polite child, very sweet, but so very timid." due to the sharp contrast to who and what the Grand Inquisitor has become. 

On another note: I also love that one piece of yours that depicts the Grand Inquisitor scrambling on the floor, all bloodied up, after Darth Vader backhanded him as punishment for his failure on Lothal, because it just makes so much sense, especially after reading Charles Soule's Darth Vader series (2017). The way the Inquisitors are depicted as both abuser and abused in it is really fascinating, which makes me wonder whether Vader ever maimed the Grand Inquisitor like he did with the other Inquisitors. Do you have any thoughts on that? Also sorry if I'm assuming too much! You referenced the Grand Inquisitor's strained relationship with Jocasta Nu very early into the Grand Inquisitor/Nameless comic and since it was a bigger plot point in the Darth Vader series (2017), it felt like a natural conclusion. I'm currently trying to finish a little character study on the Grand Inquisitor, which is mainly based on that source, and your comic was a very big inspiration for me to even try writing down the first draft.

Either way, have a nice rest of the day! Can't wait to see more from you!

Hello! Huge thanks for your awesome ask and your kind words, made my day! Thank you for reading the comic!

And please do share what you'll create for your character study, I'd love to read it! :)

So: I have only read a few snippets from the comic series, but have definitely used them as a basis to expand on the Inquisitor's character - I'd love to read the whole thing, however, I don't know where to find it!

"The way the Inquisitors are depicted as both abuser and abused is really fascinating" <- This is 100% my opinion, too! I have a lot of thoughts about them that I have a hard time putting into words, but this really sums it up, thank you!

For my comic, I admit I am definitely woobifying him a bit, but I can't really help that when I write stuff about villains, I just tend to make everything three shades nicer than in the source material. :-/

But I do try to keep his main personality intact, I just glaze it over with a more sympathetic view than I expect a canon explanation could offer.

This is the pic you referred to, if anyone's wondering (it's super old but still checks out, lol):

I do not think Vader ever maimed him like the others, but I think he would have opportunities to casually injure or torture him, if he ever feels like it the Grand Inquisitor goes out of line. Having said that, I do think the Pau'an seems to be perpetually aware of the risks in working with Vader, as he does carefully defy some of Vader's decisions with a verbal objection, but he never tries to contradict him further if his input is dismissed.

My pet theory is that neither Reva nor the Grand Inquisitor were ever maimed as a lesson in loss because they had both already survived loss events that filled them with enough rage: for Reva, it's the massacre of her Temple friends. For the Grand Inquisitor, it's the end (betrayal?) of the Jedi Temple Guards he was dedicated to.

I also find it interesting how Vader reframes his own greatest "weakness" in Jedi terms - dealing healthily with loss - into a template for how to teach others how to turn into darksiders.

I generally think Vader treats imperial inquisitors similar to imperial officers - useful if competent, but ultimately expendable, and free to use as a squeaky toy to vent frustrations. For the Grand Inquisitor, since the Pau'an is really arrogant and thinks so highly of his own intellect, the most efficient way to put him in his place would be for Vader to flaunt his own Sith powers against the Pau'an's humble dependence on him, to deny him some knowledge or to humiliate/humble him in some way...

About "Very polite child, very sweet, but so very timid":

When Jocasta and the Grand Inquisitor fight in that comic, he says something along the lines of how he never felt he belonged among the Jedi. I thought that was a really good starting point to imagine his life decisions. What brought him from being wholly dedicated to protecting Jedi, to becoming a hunter of the very group he vowed to protect? It's such a contrast! There has to be some nice, meaty psychology there to dig into and explore.

I imagined him as a subconsciously lonely sort of child, being from a much longer-lived species than anyone else (and in an Order that values detachment, perhaps one would diagnose that as a problem), so that when he grew into a detached, bookish individual, he sought to gain belonging in the Temple Guard as a permanent fixture around which to base his whole life. But then the Jedi Order starts shaking at its foundations, and he wants to escape, but his particular ~*°special-secret-Force-magic°*~ vows to the Temple do not make it possible to just walk away like Ahsoka or Dooku did. And that leads to inner tensions and a pull to the Dark Side, eventually.