#does this count idk it's been so long
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if ordan karris wanna complete that sentence does that mean he also likes us?
#i mean. the ordan part can control what sentence he wanna hijack right?#hmm#after seeing so much dialogue from his quote page i really wanna see the ordan part inside ordis actually has major impact in canon#and not just to roast parvos. i absolutely love that part but i hope i can see more than that#also makes me wonder how much details in his quote implies what would happen later in the game#like. idk how long ordis has been calling us the operator but i guess it's definitely before the second dream#and i also guess people would understand it as the operator of orbiter or something and not about#...that#yeah that kind of detail#does that count as a spoiler?#what am i talking about this whole post IS a spoiler#but i don't actually wanna tag my each and every post as spoiler tho#cephalon fragment has existed for years so i guess im just gonna... keep. not tagging that. yeah#warframe#warframe ordis#warframe ordan karris#my art
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there's sadly not a lot of content of them together but troy and annie's friendship is so important to me. I feel like we don't talk about them enough outside of general trobedison. they're two people who liked the idea of each other at some point for kind of superficial reasons but grew to appreciate each other as their own people and not just this goal of someone to "pull" the more they got to know each other. honestly glad that the writers dropped the ship cus it's so much better than it would've been if it was romantic. instead we got this cool thing where they both kind of helped each other grow into themselves and cope with changes.
the talk they had at the end of mixology certification reflecting on everything that happened after annie's sudden crisis about what she wanted to do with her life was so sweet.
ANNIE: ... I did it because I didn't wanna be me. I did it because i'm not sure who I am. Admit it- we went to school together for four years, and you didn't even know me.
TROY: Yeah, but I know you now, You're Annie...You like puzzles and little monsters on your pencil and some guy named Mark Ruffalo. You're a fierce competitor and a sore loser and you expect everybody to be better than who they are and you expect yourself to be better than everyone. Which is cool.
This was the episode where Troy realized that becoming an adult isn't this big, dramatic change and the people he looked up to were just as confused and imperfect as he was. He decides on his own that the grown up thing to do is to get everyone home safely rather than drinking. Here he's the one reassuring Annie, telling her how she does still have time to explore the world on her own terms, not knowing her well back then was his own loss.
I really like that about their dynamic how Troy kind of helps Annie realize she can just...relax and be herself without being judged, seeing her high school crush that she always wanted to impress casually building pillow forts and speaking in only movie references with his best friend. We don't see any immediate drastic changes in her that it seems unnatural but she's definitely more comfortable weird in her own way after moving into 303 (For ex her making Abed film missing lover clips for her)
I love how much they both care about abed too...in different ways. troy matches his weirdness, giving him an escape from what the rest of world thinks while annie shows him he CAN leave the world of simulations and scenarios, being different from someone but still having them respect you as a friend and build a close relationship with them letting him connect with the world. But they actually care about him letting him show a vulnerable side that he doesn't with a lot of the other members of the study group.
I also think the gay himbo+ smart but insane lesbian dynamic is v funny yea
anyways here are some silly photos that'll hopefully help get my point across
#does troy count as a himbo? idk#bruh this has been sitting in my drafts for so long im just posting and hoping it is coherent🙏#this post was NOT originally meant to be this long but I kept getting more and more ideas to add lmao#community tv#I am thinking about this show 24/7 if you couldn't tell#community analysis#nbc community#troy barnes#annie edison#troy and annie#trobedison#?#kind of
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i wonder how kevin's fitness-obsessed mind justifies his alcohol addiction
#kevin day#aftg#all for the game#like does he think as long as his hangovers don't effect his court time its ok?#that doesn't really fit with the idea that he's a health freak outside court too#like you're telling me he doesn't see the irony of counting calories in decimals then downing a litre of straight vodka?#or is he just so addicted he cant stop?#i feel like he'd go for rehab if he thought it would influence his long term playing but that doesn't seem to be on his bucket list#like i get he'd be hopelessly addicted at the nest but now that his future seems to have some light i'm not sure why he still lets his#addiction destroy him slowly when he's thankfully now adamant on achieving a livable life#idk if this makes sense or if its been addressed somewhere else before but yeah i was just wondering#also sorry if this is inconsiderate or ignorant as to how addictions work i don't know the best
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First impressions on Fake Peppino Friday (aka how Pep and Fep first met in my interp):
(Context: Back in the earlier versions of pizza tower, the tunnel chase was a lot harder, and there’s this one drop that immediately goes into an overhang. When I say that I tried SO many times to grab slide through it but because of how little space there was I just KEPT GRABBING AT THE WALL OH MY GOD
Anyways, I like to keep my failures in my interpretation. Adds a je ne sais quoi to some of the character dynamics [judgement and concern])
No because this is actually so funny if you think about. Imagine being in Fake Peppino's shoes, right?
You're alone in in your restaurant. Waiting. Anticipating. And then you hear it. Footsteps.
You turn around and you see...You. You, but not. The You you've been watching on static riddled TV screens. The You you've heard your pizza-headed creator curse out so much, yet fail to measure up to.
It's the You you should've been.
You scream and you scream with him. "He can't get past you. Don't let him get to staff only." It's the one task your creator drilled into your head, above pizza making.
You attack.
And you can't keep up with him as you fight. Even in person, giving everything you've got, even getting some hits in, you still fail to compare to him.
But when the floor beneath both of you breaks, and he speeds away running for his life, he crashes into an overhang in the tunnel you've fallen in.
As he panickedly scrabbles against the dark stone, you finally catch up to him and. Bite. Down.
The world goes black. Then you're standing back in your restaurant. You aren't entirely surprised, nothing truly stays dead or destroyed in this tower. From the levels to the pillars to even the people, they all come back one way or another.
You hear footsteps. You turn around.
It's You.
...[TWO HOURS LATER]...
Oh Cheesus Crust it's You again.
You don't know how many times he's gone through your boss room, and at this point you're too afraid to keep count.
He doesn't even scream after walking in anymore. Neither do you. You're unspeakably worried for this man's sanity, assuming that it exists in the first place (you're less and less sure it does with every reattempt he makes).
You're not actually sure if he's even trying to get past you at this point. If anything he's decided to have a blood feud with one particular overhang in the tunnel and is somehow sorely losing.
Again.
At this point, you're pretty confident you know every single Italian and American swear in the global lexicon, along with some new ones that were invented within the last two hours alone.
As you once again catch up to him, you don't even bother biting him. Clearly getting repeatedly crushed into pulp is not the deterrent it is for every single other creature in this tower. You scruff his shirt with your teeth and carry him out and he just lets you like he did for the past hour or so. Soon enough he'll be back re-doing the same song and dance you've done for 2 hours straight before racing off to fistfight The Wall.
You don't know what this man's malfunction is but maybe you should be a little grateful that you aren't entirely like him after all.
(Bonus doodle for the peeps that read through it all):
#pizza tower#fake peppino#peppino spaghetti#call this cringefail tower the way everyone’s cringing as I fail repeatedly to not suck at pizza tower#fun fact: if you lose to a boss enough times Peppino just skips screaming at the beginning. I would know.#sprinkling a lil world building in there too lmao (it’s like a single sentence)#I’ve been sitting on this idea for a long while just because I had so much trouble with the tunnel chase#Does this count as a fic post? Idk. You could call it a drabble. You could even call it a oneshot-*the audience boos me off of the stage*#yes the usage of 2nd person is intentionally vague and confusing at times as you can see I am a ut/dr fan
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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sukuna and gojo use binding vows for sex, taking things like orgasm denials or touch deprivation steps further, where the other is contractually bound to not be able to do certain things, like touch themselves or touch the other etc etc
one such instance being a vow where gojo has a vibrator up his ass, but he can't touch himself or remove it, until sukuna specifically, pulls it out.
he keeps the vibe in throughout the day, with sukuna controlling it remotely, even as they both go throughout their separate days.
gojo goes to have his usual breakfast, and meets yuuji at the dining room, they greet and sit next to each other. yuuji is, as always, energetic and excited to see him
they make conversation, until gojo gives a jolt and starts twitching and huffing. sukuna has turned the vibrator up all the way. yuuji worries and panics and asks him what's wrong. gojo gives a breathy laugh and reassures him. he motions low and tells yuuji about the vibrator inside him, through sudden jolts and soft whimpers.
satoru complains about it, and yuuji advices to remove it or go and take care of himself.
except gojo states that he can’t and yuuji puzzles.
"it's... a pact—mmh!"
"a pact???" yuuji's voice rises in volume, but he visibly calms, shoulders dropping into a fond sigh. "sensei, you really are..." that's all he can manage to say. reprimand is useless. gojo likes it, yuuji is well aware, he is enjoying every second of this, even as he complains.
gojo gives a few odd jolts, undoubtedly an odd pattern of intensity from the vibe, yuuji can guess. sudden irregular ups and downs that are not taken well by the man.
satoru clicks his tongue. "what is that guy doing?" he actually looks irritated for a moment—a look yuuji doesn’t get to see often—until it’s broken with a sigh and his pleased, calm demeanor returns, mimicking the soft waves of pleasure across his thighs.
still, yuuji can see his hands crumpled at his sides, undoubtedly wishing to use them.
that's when satoru perks flares up all of a sudden.
"actually, yuuji,” he turns to look at him, grinning. “you can help me" he opens his legs and lifts the edges of his kimono, his dick peeking out the fabric. yuuji gulps at the sight. satoru motions to it, giving yuuji a wordless look. yuuji hesitates for a moment, but complies, taking his hand to the cock, and starts stroking.
satoru crumbles under the touch, immediately breathing out his nose and muffling moans. he leans into yuuji, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, fingers clasped in yuuji's kimono, nuzzling into his hair and whining in his ear.
satoru's sounds fluctuate in pitch and volume, making it known when his vibe's gotten stronger. yuuji keeps his pace and satoru spills in his hand. he twitches and sighs, soft breaths against yuuji's flushed ear.
yuuji stares at the cum in his hand.
"you can wipe it on me,” satoru tells him with a breath that's calmed much too fast. “my clothes are already soiled anyways". and yuuji feels bad for it, but he obeys nonetheless.
satoru takes a hand to yuuji's chin and turns his face to him and gives him a kiss. short and sweet.
"as a reward." he smiles at yuuji. the boy surprises but takes it happily, cheeks warm and eyes softened, albeit a bit timidly. a tinge of disappointment colors the edges of his face.
"you want more?" satoru brings his face to yuuji's again. the vibrations have reached a slight plateau, so his voice is steadier.
yuuji’s face widens a bit, but he nervously chuckles, pulling back from gojo's face. "no, it's alright," he lies. "i don't want sukuna to kill me"
but satoru’s already pulling into him, breathing into his lips. "i won't let him <3"
"that's...actually reassuring......" yuuji’s eyes flutter shut as satoru's lips meet his again.
and with that, they're kissing and slowly the vibrations and gojo’s twitching start again. satoru moves atop yuuji's lap to straddle him, and while they kiss, yuuji takes his hand between them and jerks him off again. satoru moans and gasps into his mouth, each jolt mirroring the pulses against his prostate.
they separate for gojo to bury his face in yuuji's shoulders, arms hugging his neck. he humps into yuuji's hand until he comes against him again.
he pants and huffs atop the boy, catching his breath. yuuji's gentle arms hold him, fingers rubbing slow circles at his back.
satoru's breathing calms against yuuji’s neck.
"yuuji, u're such a good boy."
yuuji's heart and dick swell.
#f.txt#scenario that has been plaguing my brain and i needed to share#just when they're done nobara and megumi come into the dining room#nobara twists her face. 'geh. itadori. taking advantage of a married man'#yuuji squints his eyes at her 'like u're one to talk'#nobara: still. at the breakfast table. could u be any more shameless#she says that but still makes her away to sit across them megumi following suit#megumi: go easy on him. it’s probably gojo-sensei’s doing anyways#gojo: oh megumi~ u know me so well#jjk#sukugo#yuugo#悠五#sukugoyuu#ns4w#the moment of random ups and downs is sukuna drawing out “satoru” in the vibrrator app bc he wants his gojo :c#meanwhile gojo's all irritated like 'what is wrong with him 😑' bby boy ur husband MISSES U#for context this is in my post-canon everyone lives au (well. one of them) where everything is good and happy and sukugo get married and#sukuna gets domesticated (?)#well more like. he's still bad and evil. but he's tamed i guess#he (begrudgingly) coexists with everyone else and behaves lmao#also everyone kinda lives together? it's a bit of a weird situation idk#anyways#this kinda made me want to write again. i havent written in so long#tho i suppose this does count as writing#i also have more stuff to add to this ill do some rbs !!
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Feel free to comment if you have a specific thought to add to this!
#im trying to gauge my audience here#so please try to only respond if youre following me!#ive been on the edge with jeonghans fic and need help figuring things out#im afraid its getting too long#it always does when they start as strangers for me cause theres sooo much to establish#but this word count is scaring me and idk if its a bad number
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cursed Hisami Yomotsu doodle i made, dunno if anybody else has done this but here we go
also here's a version without text if yall wanna see it
my sister compared her to the lifeguard from lilo and stitch.... i don't know how to feel about that
#my art#digital art#digital fanart#fanart#touhou#touhou fanart#touhou project#doodle#2hu#hisami yomotsu#udoalg#shitpost#does this count as a shitpost? idk#sorry this took so long to finish#school has been eating me alive
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Hey so, do I have a moral obligation to skip out of work for a week and a bit, fly to Pennsylvania, and do canvassing/phone banking/telling people where polling stations are/helping them find ID/driving people to polls/etc? I know nobody can tell me because it's my morals, I have to figure it out myself, but I really really, please someone just tell me.
Mr Bear says 'it's not your job, it's not your responsibility' but I just asked, 'whose responsibility is it to fight fascism?' It's everyone's. Right? How do you tell the difference between doing the right thing and scrupulosity? oh shit what that counts as OCD? Where's the line?
Will I ever forgive myself when I didn't go and voting/donating wasn't enough? Will I ever forgive myself anyway? Will I make any difference with strangers if I can't even convince my own family to do the right thing?
Is it supposed to be this hard? I guess it is. Nobody said it was easy or fair, right.
#personal#ethics#uspol#us elections#politics#my anxiety is as bad as it's ever been about anything at this point#for the last week I've been checking the postal tracking on my ballot multiple times a day#panicking because how long does it take to send an envelope across a mid-sized city??#it's arrived and counted now so that's ok but#I should have written VoteForward letters#I should have resigned from my job and gone back for the last months at least#I should have donated more#I should have tried to...idk I should have tried#I don't actually have anything in my diary this week#next week I do so I'd have to miss some stuff and I don't have days off left this year but#I think work would let me take unpaid leave probably#I don't miss being religious but I wish to fuck I ever knew the right thing to do#i have to try right? or what good am i?
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Look how cute kenjaku’s face is
Wait is that
Is that a dimple!!
First gege gives Gojo dimples and now kenjaku/geto’s body
#I love kenjaku’s smile so much#am I just noticing this?#also does this count as a kenjaku post?#idk it’s been too long since I’ve made a post about Kenny#jjk#kenjaku#jujutsu kaisen#jjk 241
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You know what I wish we'd seen?
More positive actively involved magic users.
Like, we know the Druids support Emrys, though they seem more like a pacifist, non-combatant party (aside from some outliers like Kara, Mordred, Alvarr), and other magic users/beings like Anhora, Grettir, Mab, they all seem to be neutral. They acknowledge Emrys as a superior power, but they don't seem to actively participate for better or worse. And all other sorcerers are usually antagonistic. But why can't we have the other side? I'm sure there has to be some who decide to take Merlin's side. Maybe they don't entirely trust Arthur, maybe they aren't too certain of a Pendragon, but dude, it's fucking Emrys. If Emrys is supporting him, there's gotta be something to him, right?
Let Merlin have people helping him, other sorcerers who slip him spells that are too powerful for them, maybe he can do something with it, passing him information about plots they've heard through the sorcerers' grapevine, even helping him thwart some of the ambushes and traps. Maybe they aren't brave enough to live in Camelot 24/7 like Merlin, but they take turns bringing him messages and supplies, and to get their "marching orders," such as they are.
Also, imagine the look on Arthur's face when he finds out he has a magic Praetorian Guard that answers to his manservant.
yeah see, that's one of the big issues that's always bothered me. like we (the audience) are told that magic is not evil but rather is something as integral as nature. but more often than not, a lot of the antagonist we meet are magic users and most of the time they are power hungry people. i mean, i totally understand the sorcerers who seek out revenge for Uther and by proxy Camelot, but we only either get these types of sorcerers or the sorcerers whom the show portrays as only evil.
it is, frankly, impossible for the magic community to be full of only evil and vengeful sorcerers. there's got to be more diversity than that, bbc 🙄 you're telling me that there are no somewhat powerful magic users living in Albion helping others anyway they can and don't seek to help aid Merlin in anyway. and i mean aid him since s1. by s5 it looked like he was actually getting some help, but they were still sorcerers who fell a little bit in the gray area or just never interacted with anyone other than Merlin.
maybe have Lancelot befriend another sorcerer while he was away from Camelot and sort of sneak him in to help save the kingdom from Morgana and Morgause in s3. maybe Elyan, who had left Camelot pre-s1, have some magic friends that we meet in s4.
tbh, my big issue is that with how much the show tells us, the audience, that magic does have positive impacts and isn't evil, none of the characters besides Gaius, Merlin, and Lancelot actually know that (as far as i'm aware). literally any time Arthur considers that maybe magic isn't what his father claimed it to be, he ends up going back to those prejudices and ideas Uther propagated because "magic killed my father," "magic killed my mother" (still super salty), "magic corrupted morgana," "magic wants me dead." when in reality, that's far from the truth, and Merlin then has to continue to hide a part of himself from people he cares for and loves dearly because all they've ever known and seen is "evil magic people."
just....bbc, explain to me how Arthur was supposed to bring the so-called "Golden Age" to Albion where there's peace between magic users and non-magic users alike if he, himself, believed magic was inherently evil???? how is Arthur the Once and Future King if he never repealed the ban on magic or began working with sorcerers? and i'm saying this as someone who loves the character, but why did we, the audience, not get a chance to really see Arthur break away from his father's prejudices on magic until the series finale?
it just bugs me. there are so many moments where it looks like maybe Merlin has an ally that's pro-magic and pro-unity and wants to help fulfill the prophecy, but then they either become one-time side characters or fucking die. never seen or heard from again. maybe i just want a character or two to stick and maybe give Merlin the support group he needs?
por favor, bbc
#don't get me wrong i love the show but the fact that we barely get morally good sorcerers upsets me#idk seemed like an oversight#yeah i could maybe go on and talk about gilli and how he could have been a great character later down the line to be an ally for Merlin#i could go on about freya and how maybe we could have gotten more lady of the lake stuff or mentions of her (maybe by lancelot since he has#a connection to the the lady of the lake already in the legends. like his last name is literal Du Lac: of the lake. like hello????)#i could point out a lot#but i am prob not the first to do so#i understand that at the end of the day the show ends in tragedy; arthur dies in cammlan. merlin loses his best friend. gwen loses her love#camelot loses their king. and other very sad tragic stuff in s5 finale#but i think we could have still gotten the tragedy of the series finale with the inclusion of more positive sorcerers in the show#maybe that's wishful thinking but idk#we could have it be mid-s4 to s5 that arthur does begin the process of repeal decades of anti-magic laws but there's a lot of pushback#and/or bureaucratic political nonsense they have to do to finalize everything but it happens!#sigh#anyway#bbc merlin#long post#idk if this counts as#merlin meta#but just in case#asks#more of a merlin rant(?)#lol but yeah
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//What if I said that Lambda very much hates the feeling of his hair being washed and dried afterwards?
#//he does it bc it's important obviously but he HATES how it feels afterwards#//he straight up will not touch his hair for a few days to a week afterwards bc he doesn't like the texture of it#//idk if this counts as an adhd thing but i think it does? so why not have him deal with that as well?#//he's already got some textures he doesn't like what's the harm in adding one more?#//maybe not just his hair but anyone's hair in general as long as it's been washed and dried bc it's just a Bad Texture™️ to him#hidden depths {info}#//putting this in here bc i think it counts
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should i try hinge T_T the friend i met with yesterday said she met her husband on hinge.........
#thinking out loud#fuck my life#i have no photos of myself#i hate writing about myself and reading profiles that all sound the same#and also i do so much stuff alone that i don't know i could adjust my life to spend that much time with another person#what does a girl do when she wants a relationship but is probably not fit for a relationship#something casual maybe idk#i've tried other dating apps so what makes this one different?#well me being older maybe...it's been several years since i tried the apps#i hate this#also i'm like super fucking intense and clingy and i know that would be way too much for a lot of ppl#and i haven't made a new friend in so long (coworkers don't count)#fml fml fml
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okay rambles but i started creatively writing in like ... 5th grade? and. oh god just a little encouragement to anyone looking to get into writing or insecure or whatnot, but HELLS, maybe it's to he expected with my (obviously) very young age and inexperience with writing then, but my writing was really. yeah. Yeah. but then i'm what... a lot older now, obviously, and my writing has gotten leagues better. i'm probably not a good example for this bcs childhood years development stuff are different etc etc BUT practicing writing more and whatnot really does go a long way :]
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#my writing in 2020 is a lot different than my writing now even! especially so compared to my writing from 2010s#reading a lot of media is also really important :] i always read a lot of books BUT i only started to really read poetry since the pandemic#which were uh basically my early teenage years so idk if i'm a good example for this bcs childhood brain development and stuff (???)#BUT STILL ..... playing games like ffxiv and being really invested in the lore and writing + reading more poems and being fascinated with#more authors and pieces of literature + expanding my general vocabulary knowledge whatnot ... it all really goes a long way!#oh man i'm pretty proud of myself actually. i do love my writing. as imperfect (as all things are) it is.#i had a lot of Pauses with writing throughout my uhh relatively short life thus far since i'm NOT yet an adult and all aha but yeah!#so bless ffxiv again for bringing back my writing spirit... and other medias and whatever <3#rn i have to thank bg3 for bringing back my Creative Spirit bcs i've been writing a lot more again and having/working on my creative ideas!!#okay i just wanted to ramble a bit lol ^_^ there!#idk my being a writer is very important to me. and my journey as one too.#i want to make a book one day! most feasibly would be to make a collection of short stories :] a bit similar to 'm is for magic' maybe bcs#i grew up with that lol neil gaiman i adore you <3#i have a very special original world in my head but i am a little selfish and want to keep them all to myself... oops. or who knows!#anyway i have a lot of ideas and i adore writing and literature sooo much <3#anyway. okay. leaving it here.#cheering on every writer author whatever out there !!! unless you're a sucky person of course yuck bigots but yeah ^^ <3#huge writing inspo for me is uhhhhhhhh. thinking#ffxiv! does ffxiv count. esp drk quests. and shb as a whole. and then... edgar allan poe? neil gaiman? yeah?#can't remember anyone else good gods but i love vivid and imaginative storytelling and writing descriptively :] a bit of prose but also#quite simple in its eloquence (???) unsure honestly oh gods anyway BYE rambles over apollo signing off beep boop AGHHHHH (screams)
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#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed#dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically#here for another 2 or so weeks#but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl#how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not#emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably#it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does#and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends?#i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be#and that i think is just like a part of growing up#i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to#like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important#and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count#not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire#and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass#idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls#and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general#we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was#home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on#which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful#but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here#in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it#not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted#idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack#im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back#a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit#i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that#idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not
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Feeling a bit hmm about the day… got lots done but i think there’s still some regret about not having really finished the stuff i planned for the day? Got to chip away at something important + do some errands that i know my mom has been looking forward to me doing + inspiration struck for like 5 different ideas that i got to sketch but it doesnt feel like enough
#like objectively my days have been the most productive theyve been for a long time ever since i#started taking these new meds daily but i guess at this point its really a mindset issue of not feeling like i do enough?#but like. a lot of my day really does get lost to stuff that i deem distractions that really arent important and#whenever i do them im like ‘i could be drawing right now’#but also i kinda feel like i feel this way bc when i got home from doing errands and working in a tea shop somewhere#theres no internet at home (until now tbh) so a lot of the stuff i had planned for the evening got put on hold#so like. is the feeling of not really having done much justified? half ig idk#god i wish i had dola’s super good ability to focus on anything she wanted at will#i think part of the feeling is like… ending up multitasking so it doesnt register that i spent a significant amnt of time doing smthing#but really if i count up the minutes i did?#idk…
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