#does that even count when the only Christmas related thing is my stupid tags

[fatal-fun]

My Ingredients:

A stroll in nature,

A sprinkle of fantasy,

A chat with my friends,

And a hug with family.

These are my ingredients,

For my creative flow.

I mix them up inside my brain,

And let inspiration grow.

A calming quiet,

A cloaking dark,

A gentle breeze,

Thats my favorite part.

Its in the silence and the calm,

After a full day of color.

It fills me like a healing balm,

And sets my thoughts a flutter.

I go and stumble till i find,

A freshly planted seed.

Then from there,

It’s just like magic.

Out comes pouring all the words,

Imbued with subtle feelings.

The only way that i can share,

The unique patterns of my breathing.

[deepperplexity]

Prompt: 14. Icy Roads

Pairing: Gruber x Fem!OC

POV: First, OC

Setting: Small village in the English countryside

A/N: I had so much fun writing with an OC for Snape so I thought I’d do another OC, with Hans this time 🥰 Now, I’ll say it right at the beginning here that this will be CONTINUED - tomorrow already actually since the prompts work well for what I have in mind 😂 This is just a meet-cute with instant attraction and I hope you’ll enjoy it, tomorrows prompt will probably be a lot “deeper” but today they meet for the first time and it’s adorable if a tiny bit sad, and there’s a bit of action too. I mean, it’s Hans so there’s gotta be something to set it all off 🙈

And there’s a German word in this fic - if you don’t know it please resist the urge to google it! I promise, it’ll be worth holding out until tomorrow for it as the OC has no idea what it means either and I have a plan for the word! 😂👏

Tags/TW’s: Meet-Cute, Instant Attraction, Near-Car Accident, Mentions Negative Family Relations, Questioning Self-Worth, Taught Negative Behaviour.

Word Count: 2.2k+

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3 // LINK TREE

I had bought all the gifts, the food, and the wrapping paper needed. The only thing left was the string I’d forgotten yesterday in the shopping chaos. “I thought I was doing good time-wise, why does every nitwit have to be out at the same bloody time as me?” I sighed, my breath turning to fog, and hurried along, heading for the little gift shop with nick-knacks and trinkets. It was the closest one, so even if it were a bit over-priced that’s where I was headed.

The wind was biting my cheeks, tugging on my long coat and scarf. I much rather would have been home, but of course, nobody else was willing to head out in the freezing cold. “I can’t be arsed,” I grumbled, imitating my sister’s words and pitchy voice from when I’d asked her to go instead of me since I was out nearly all day yesterday. Why she gotta be such a prat? And dad’s no better, always faffing around and bending backwards for his little princess… WHAT ABOUT ME?!

My feet thudded against the slippery sidewalk, frozen mounds of snow and previous slush separating me from the road with little to no traffic - a good thing given the blasted weather. I wiped at my eyes, my knitted gloves (that I’d made as a Christmas gift for myself last year since nobody could ever be bothered to get me anything) rubbing away the snow stuck in my lashes. “I can barely see where I’m putting my feet… This is bonkers,” I sighed and tugged the scarf a little tighter around my neck.

I made it to the little store, got the blasted string, and headed back out into the crazy weather that had somehow managed to pick up its pace in terms of both wind and snowfall. “Bloody brilliant, just wonderful. I’ll be soaked and frozen before I get home.”

With the new snow landing atop the frozen roads, they soon turned slippery, treacherous even. I walked with more care, making an effort to not land on my arse because of some damn string for some stupid gifts.

But, no matter how careful one is, you can’t make up for the way others behave. So, when I wipe my eyes for the millionth time I missed the man walking towards me in a hurry and all it took was a bumping of my shoulder and I was off balance.

“Hey! Watch—” My sentence got cut off as I stumbled against the snow mound. Tripping over it, wobbling about like some deer on ice I stumble out on the road, just barely remaining upright. With my arms out like some bloody scarecrow, I managed to catch my breath and find my balance anew.

I glare after the man whose back disappears into the snowy weather just a few feet away. “Brilliant, what a charming bloke,” I grumbled as I tried to make my way off the slippery road affording my boots no grip whatsoever.

“Are you alright?” a man asked over the wind, his accent quite strange. “What?” “Are you alright?” he asked anew as I peered towards the sidewalk, not really able to make out any of his features but a beard and broad shoulders through the swirling snow. “Fine, people can be so bloody charming!” I called back with a tad too much annoyance in my voice. “And I thought Christmas was the time of kindness and care,” I continued with a huff and the man laughed with a chuckle. The wind distorted it but it sounded quite deep and beautiful.

I took a step forward, gliding half a step further on the ice. This is ridiculous! “Watch out!” the man suddenly shouted and I had just enough time to turn my head to see the oncoming headlights lighting up the falling snow being tossed about by the wind.

My feet found no traction. I tried to get out of the way but I was walking in the same spot as dread filled my stomach. I’m gonna die because of string! “MOVE!” the man screamed as the car began to honk, the driver slamming on the brakes, making the car skid and slide on the road. I closed my eyes on instinct and lost my breath at the impact, throwing me backwards, making me slide along the road until my head hit the snow mound on the other side.

It hurt way less than I would have thought to be hit by a car, I felt almost fine. Perhaps my spine is broken and I can’t feel a thing?

“Are you alright?” That accented voice asked but it was far closer this time. “Miss? Are you hurt?” the man continued and I blinked my eyes open only to see a man’s face hovering right above mine. “Huh?” “Are you hurt?” he asked with more force and the depth of his voice seemed to send a chill down my spine. The icy blue eyes and thick beard, the rather large but somehow regal nose appeared perfectly suited to his face. I didn’t get hit by the car?

“I’m-, I’m fine. Did you-, did you knock me out of the way? Are you daft?! You could have been hit!” “You would have been, if I hadn’t done that, schnuki,” the man said, the last word spoken in thick German — which explained the accent but not my body warming each time he spoke. Or the way he seemed to actually see me, not just watch me but his eyes… they saw me. “Now, let’s get you up,” he continued and somehow managed to rise up and off me quite elegantly; his long black coat dusted with snow.

He reached out his leather glove covered hand and after a moment of me ogling the man without realising what I was doing I grabbed it and he pulled me up. “Ahh-, bloody hell,” I hissed as my back protested for a bit and snow slid inside my coat, chilling my skin and making me shiver. “Hurt?” “No, no, just-, snow, in my coat,” I said and shivered before brushing off my arms from the white stuff.

I shrugged my entire body to shake myself loose while ha brushed off the arms of his own coat. “Oh, here, let me help.” I reached up and began brushing off the shoulders of his coat and down the front before I noticed what the bloody hell I was doing. My cheeks began to burn as I halted my motion, almost not daring to look up at him, towering a head above me. “I-, umh, I-, sorry,” I stammered out but he merely looked at me.

“We should get off the road. Wouldn’t want another car to come, schnuki,” he said after a moment. I blinked away the snow from my lashes and nodded, unable to get my usually blabbering mouth to function apparently. He was just so different. I couldn’t help but ogle the man a few seconds too long before turning and clumsily climbing over the snow mound on the opposite side of the road to where I had been.

When I looked over my shoulder he simply walked up and over it, as if it were no hindrance to him or the polished Oxford boots he wore. He dressed splendidly, each piece of clothing exuding wealth and quality — unlike my tattered favourite coat and the homemade scarf and mittens I wore. Well, he’s older too so he’s probably had time to get to where he is. I’ll get myself some fancy coat and good shoes eventually too, hopefully, if things work out. Not that I’ll ever leave this godforsaken village. Dad would starve or not have any clean clothes to wear — I don’t even know which he’d hate more. The house would collapse and who would sis blame everything wrong with her life on if I wasn’t there?

“Thoughtful?” the man asked and I shook my head, realising I’d been damn near staring at him while my mind ran rampant. “You appear to think of something, less happy? No?” he asked and I couldn’t help but adore the accent, the way he spoke so differently but with some form of quality, nobody around my little home town spoke like that. Nonetheless, it didn’t help my burning cheeks that he’d caught onto my gloom.

“So, eh, thanks for pushing me-, umh, saving me,” I managed to say in some kind of nearly coherent manner. What is wrong with me? He’s just a man, a pleasant and handsome and cultivated and obviously wealthy one, but still. Ugh, why can’t I talk with him like with any other of the nitwits around here? They don’t call me Blabber Missy for no reason. And look, my mind obviously works just fine, blabbering on. “A pretty woman like you shouldn’t be out in this weather, alone no less.” “Well, dad couldn’t be bothered with string for the gifts and sis just couldn’t be bothered at all. So, yeah, and it was my fault anyway, I was out yesterday but forgot the string. I got everything else, but they didn’t have my favourite caramels left either. So, I guess, apart from the one thing I was gonna get for myself and the string I got everything.”

“Then again, I guess I could have-, oh, sorry, I’m blabbering,” I laughed nervously while avoiding his gaze, moving some snow with the toe of my shoe. But the man chuckled warmly, nearly playfully. “She speaks,” he said with a smile in his voice. “Well, yeah, I talk a lot, sorry, I know it’s annoying.” “Ah, don’t say that, schnuki. You have a sweet voice,” he said and my eyes flew up to his.

“Something the matter?” “Ah, umh, no, just-, just been a while since someone didn’t find me annoying,” I said with a shrug, not really wanting to show him just how long it had been since I hadn’t been shushed, had someone roll their eyes at me, or even been straight up told to ‘shut it, blabber missy’. “But it’s fine, I know I talk a lot, if there’s someone who-, ah, no, never mind. I’ll be going then.” “May I have your name at least? Or is that not something you exchange in England?” “Oh god, I’m sorry, excuse me,” I gasped out while reaching my hand out with haste. “Anna-Louisa Humphrey, but everyone just calls me Lulu.” “Why would anyone shorten such a pretty name to Lulu?” he asked, almost offended by my nickname it seemed. “I suppose they got tired of having to say the entirety of it so often when telling me to be quiet once every third minute when I was little. Lulu is faster to say, easier to say when you’re in a hurry too.” I shrugged, having given up on getting rid of the nickname a long time ago and now not really being bothered by it anymore.

The man took a slightly deeper breath, nearly sighing as he reached his hand out and grasped mine firmly but not too harshly. “Hans Gruber,” he said and the name made perfect sense for him. “It suits you, Mr Gruber.” “You may call me Hans, schnuki. If you so please,” he said with a slight smile framed by that thick beard of his. He was stupidly handsome when he smiled, and silly-handsome when he didn’t. I couldn’t decide which I liked more but my body seemed to go silly over both. At least I wasn’t cold anymore. “Hans, then,” I said and we shook hands. It felt a little strange to get tingly over it now that I knew he had tackled me out of the way and the slight ache in my ribs was from the impact of his body.

“I best be going, it’s getting quite late. Umh, but, thank you again and-, and I’m sorry for being a nuisance and all. I didn’t mean for you to have to get snow all over you to save me. I hope your coat won’t get stains from the road salt,” I rambled out in a rush, feeling like the biggest annoyance to the man ever even if he had not indicated that he felt like that in any way, but they all do. I am a nuisance, an annoying blabbermouth that nobody ever listens to anyway but— “Anna-Louisa,” he said with a slightly harsher voice, interrupting my thoughts, “why would my coat matter more than getting you out of the way of that car?” “It looks like an expensive coat, valuable.” “And you’re not?”

That made me chuckle nervously while getting my hair out of my face, the snowfall turning it wetter by the minute. But he arched a brow at me, as if he demanded me to answer his question. “I best be going,” I simply said as I began to back away, feeling the most horrible ache in my chest while he started to open his mouth, but I continued talking before he had a chance. “It’s late, and you’re getting soggy from the snow, but thank you again, and merry Christmas, Hans,” I said with as wide a smile as I could offer before abruptly turning and bolting away from him — zeroing in my focus on not slipping or falling on my arse while my boots slipped along the sidewalk covered with snow-dusted ice.

Masterlist page // Masterlist post // AO3 // LINK TREE

A/N: Are we excited to see where this may go? 👀🙈 And don't worry, for all you waiting on the continuation of prompt 8. To Be Alone that's also a Gruber fic, IT'S COMINg, I sjtu needed to make it fit with the prompts and I'm nearly done with it 🥰

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[Dec:2022]

[thejudgingtrash]

Annabeth is a good person,but not a nice or pleasant one,IMO.

YES.

That’s it. That’s the post. Pack it up everybody, we just cracked the case and cleared up one of the most compelling fights in the PJO fandom since forever. Good job everybody, clap it out and there’s the door! Don’t forget ordering the drinks at Starbucks, Mitch! They’re on me!

Okay, but on a more serious note: YES. YES EXACTLY.

And before some of you roll your eyes or grab your pitchforks – put your biases aside and hear me out for once. I like Annabeth. She’s my in my top three characters only second to Percy himself. I love Percabeth. It’s my favorite ship in the entire series and to be frank, the only ship that I care about PJO wise. Hell, I spend my time creating my own headcanons or writing my own fanfics with Percabeth being the star in them.

But that is not to say that I’m unable to see how certain things have developed over the years or where they stand now in regard to Annabeth. I’m not here to ignore things that have been said and/or done due to or in the name of Annabeth and I’m not here to vilify anyone that doesn’t like her. And I’m here to admit that I’m guilty of some of the things that may be addressed in this meta essay that you will read in just a second. However, I try my best to assure you, that I’m for once able to recognize my own bias.

Warning: a monster essay lies right upon you.

This should count as a paper of its own.

Back to the statement on top: I would go out even further to reframe your claim, anon:

Annabeth Chase is a good character but not a nice or pleasant person.

Annabeth is a wonderful character but she isn’t a nice one. Or at least not nice to everyone. She is (construction wise if I dare say) the best character out of the series. She has her positive traits (she’s caring, she’s emotional, she’s encouraged and volunteers, she fights for what she believes in, she forgives (even if doing so begrudgingly)) but she also has her negative traits (she’s stubborn, she’s brash, changing her mind takes forever, she is prejudiced, she baits others). That balances things out. She is branded as the intelligent kid but does irrational things (like I’ve just said a) she’s a kid and b) she’s not a robot). She should probably know better, but we all make mistakes and hopefully grow and learn from them. The clouds in the sky do blur and cover our visions sometimes.

Annabeth had clashes with other characters or was about to have fights due to her stubbornness or jealousy (Rachel, Reyna, etc.) and has of course her problems with the mortal world and her family but she also found new friends, some things cleared up throughout the narration and she was/is quite popular in Camp Half-Blood.

The thing is: she doesn’t have to be nice or pleasant (as a character). Or at least not all the time. Her character is humanized. That is what or who she is. Human. She does stand out as a character, not just because she’s the (future) love interest. She feels like someone you could meet in real life and either adore from the top to the bottom or declare as your biggest enemy. And that’s totally okay if you lean either way – liking or disliking her. Or even feeling indifferent about her. Also great!

To say that she has been the best character that Riordan has crafted is easy to say, because she has been sculpted after Riordan’s wife. He had a model he could rub some of real-life events or traits on. That’s not the problem. The problem truly doesn’t lie on Riordan’s side for the most part for once.

The problem is inherently on the fandom’s side. What the fandom does, how it acts and how it treats Annabeth as a character is the problem. The problems vary but it’s mostly the mischaracterization of Annabeth, starting fights and fan/ship wars, internalized misogyny (in some cases) and how some of the Annabeth stans lash out (ha, got firsthand experience in that field among many of my friends and mutuals!). There is a reason why many people are wary of people that have Annabeth or Percabeth related URLs.

The fact that we see Annabeth mostly through Percy’s lens and (until the Heroes of Olympus saga hits) we never really see her in chill everyday situations is essentially Riordan leaving the back door of the house open, ready for all of you asshats to rob his mansion in Boston. Because a frame on a character means that we don’t get to see the character in its entirety (unlike we do with Percy in PJO for the most part). That means a bunch of stuff is left open for interpretation which is the reason why Annabeth gets so many polarized headcanon and opinions tossed around. I think that is one of the true appeals of Annabeth. You can add on stuff and it necessarily doesn’t have to contradict itself.

We have people calling her abusive due to a (n admittedly stupid and unnecessary) judo flip and we have people that act like she’s never done anything wrong. People sorta use this excuse to form and shape Annabeth however they want and distort her characterization.

People in the fandom act like Annabeth is some weird prized possession. We perceive Annabeth mostly through the eyes of others (Percy, Apollo, etc.) and when we had some sort of insight in her ways (MOA, HOH) it felt… weird? Somewhat? Like Riordan left two bullet points of her characterization and told the ghostwriter: aight, fuck it up, gringo, see you on Tuesday and greet Fred the next time you see him for me. 

There have been many posts lately (by Tharini, Simi, Sawasawako, Jewishpercy and Annie I believe?) that HOO Percabeth felt weird. That they felt weirdly constructed, that there was no conflict, no growth. It felt stagnating, like we’re turning back. We had five books prior where we had Annabeth and Percy slowly shifting from disliking to liking and crushing each other. True development. And when we finally got the cake it felt… dissatisfying. Like the cheap box stuff and not the delicious exquisite taste that we were promised.

I said it previously in my Percabeth ship roast, but let me repeat myself: many Percabeth related things are straight up fanon. Some of it is very old fanon so that’s been unable to distinguish unless you’ve read the books recently and subtract nearly 99,9% of things you see on Tumblr (and occasionally the other shitty parts of the fandom like Reddit, IG, Twitter. Although they mostly steal and recycle tumblr stuff oh well. But back to the topic).

The way people treat Annabeth is so strange. She’s either an innocent fluffy smush baby that’s never harmed a fly and all that she wants for Christmas is being Percy’s lapdog or she’s the devil incarnate, broke into your house, killed your parents Batman style, kicked your puppy and didn’t flush the toilet on the way out. I think this is what mostly makes people hate her or the ship Percabeth. And both extremes are wrong and right at the same time? She is multifaceted so both stereotypes are true and untrue and sorta cancel each other out in the same way.

The true reason why people dislike Annabeth is because the stans are doing the most. (The haters as well, don’t get me wrong, but oh boy. Piss of a stan and you’ll know what I mean). That isn’t inherently new. Are you guys old enough to remember the ship wars that have happened cross platform? Perachel vs. Percabeth? Oh boy, oh boy. I saw some kids on tumblr a few months ago trying to infiltrate both tags and start shit (and also fail). The fact that Rachel still gets used as the bitchy (ex) girlfriend in fanfics? It’s 2020 guys. I know this apocalyptic year is far from perfect and over but I think we can let this trope die, right? Right? I thought we’ve established that Rachel is a pretty chill charcter by now… right?

If you posted your stuff on FFN back in 2010-2013 and it wasn’t the typical cutesy Percabeth story (Goode High, the gods read TLT, punk/prep Percabeth, college AU, etc.) people would’ve come for your fucking throat. Not because the story or the narration was shit. But because the pairing wasn’t Annabeth and Percy (in the sense that Annabeth had to be paired with Percy. I mean Percy gets shipped with everyone and their mother but for Annabeth it was strictly Percy. As annoying as this whole Connabeth thing is – the people behind it actually had a point. She never had a different love interest unless it’s a Percy centered story and he goes off dating Athena, Artemis and Zoe at the same time for some odd reason. Yeah, FFN Percy ships are something). Or it wasn’t the action filled canon compliant story or it wasn’t an AU that was popular.

People were really stubborn, snobbish and wanted their stuff in the four five boxes that were the most popular ones and that’s it. People have been bullied off the site in many fandoms, so it’s not a PJO-only thing but it’s still sad that it happened. (Off-note: most of these FFN tropes are still alive and well and thriving on AO3. Don’t be so snobbish and pretend that every piece you’d find there is a holy grail. There’s a lot of trash you have to waddle through. Same with Wattpad, Tumblr or anywhere else where fanfics get posted. Also had this discussion with Annabeth stans. Sigh).

And Tumblr back then? Forget it, wasn’t much better.

That view has sorta changed (at least for people that have been in the fandom for several years or have managed to find a way to navigate through it) but some of the negative sentiment from back in the day has survived. Be it by new fans coming in or from old fans that never let their stance die. The aggression feels differently and somewhat not. (I don’t know if the anon function had been abused that much back in the day. I was an observer not a participant in the fandom).

Crack a joke at Annabeth’s expense (Kal’s famous “Annabeth is a Republican” post or Dee Dee’s and many others “Annabeth has the education of a second grader, chill with the college plans, girlie” stance) and you have people insulting you, making callout posts, unfollowing and blocking you (based on only that? Okay, honey), making aggressive counter-posts, etc. in a minute. If you respond with “It’s a joke, it’s not real” you have a 50/50 chance of either getting blown off or embarrassing them so that they apologize for once.

This isn’t just about jokes. You can make a headcanon that’s not the cozy cute convenient mainstream saga and people would react the same way. Or art piece (no, not including the whole Tannabeth Blackchase shtick done by Viria and others) or fanfics.

People project so much onto the unfinished canvas that is Annabeth Chase that any form of negative sentiment as little as someone not liking her to straight up criticism, regardless of how tiny it may be, seems like an affront. Like an invitation to a fight. Like an insult to them, their character, everything they believe in. Let me state something:

You are NOT Annabeth Chase. Annabeth Chase IS NOT you. Annabeth Chase is NOT real. Her feeling cannot be hurt. Someone criticizing, disliking, joking about her or even insulting her will not bother her. Someone making a statement about her is not an insult to YOU.

Let me repeat that:

Annabeth Chase isn’t real. Annabeth Chase isn’t you.

So think a little before you act? I get it when you’re a kid and new to fandoms or haven’t been up with fan cultures in the past and are back in the scene. But if you’re in your late teens or even older as an adult and you’re unable to understand that you aren’t what you like – you aren’t the extension of a fictional character – I feel incredibly sorry for you. Because that’s just incredibly sad. Someone disliking something you like isn’t an attack of your character. It shows you that you are you and the other person is a human just like you. That they just have different taste. Disliking something you like isn’t a crime, you know? But me feeling sorry for the way some of y’all act won’t mean that that’s even remotely okay. Especially if you’re no longer in the intended audience for PJO age wise and should know better.

This isn’t a “white stans” only thing. I’ve seen and witnessed firsthand how people of color, mainly women of color, act the same or not even worse when it comes to her character. People have projected their problems and real-life occurring events into her character (I’m sure that she isn’t the only character nor that this is the only fandom where this is happening) and in some cases like I’ve said cannot separate their own personality from the fictional world. Fights with woc happened because of Annabeth fucking Chase. So many things have happened in the fandom the past few months, mostly due to people being forced staying at home because of the quarantine but I’d say it’s 10% on quarantine and 90% on people for acting up like this.

So here’s a little story: There was the act of Riordan blowing the fandom up because of his own stupidity and being unable to apologize for his mischaracterization and lack of research (the whole Piper fiasco) back in June (?) and admits the upset fandom, people on Twitter, Tumblr and Discord legit thought that none of that mattered and that the outcry was destroying Annabeth Chase’s birthday. That’s right. People thought that Annabeth Chase’s non-existing birthday because she’s a fictional character had a higher priority than the rupture and prevalent racism in the fandom. Okay. This isn’t a great look, Annabeth stans. And this of course pissed a lot of people off. I made a post about it and someone not only berated three other people on said post but no, we had a mighty argument which had disrupted many friendships in our circle which haven’t recovered until this very day. We both had our parts in it and no one is innocent. But the cause of this still remains Annabeth Chase or how people prioritize her non-existing well-being. Anyway. I’m getting agitated just thinking about it.

Let’s go back to the characterization thing with Annabeth. Let me remind you:

Annabeth Chase is an asshole. There I’ve said it in a post ages ago (too lazy to look it up, sorry) and I’ll say it again. And that’s not me insulting her. That’s me actually loving that about her. Annabeth is one of the very few unapologetic female characters that really showed all young readers across the world that you can be a girl, a badass, smart, strong, standing up for yourself and what you believe in. You don’t have to be nice. You don’t have to hide your feelings. You don’t need a man in all cases but it’s also okay to accept help and defeat.

A large reason why I think she’s an incredibly important character in children’s literature/YA because many other novels (mostly (sadly)) have the “Oh, I’m a white skinny dark-haired girl that likes unconventional things like READING. I’m not like the other girls, that take care of themselves and pamper themselves by enjoying shopping and wearing make-up. No, I’d rather be one of the boys but a sweet cute little boy and not the jock fuck that drank vodka shots out of a filthy shoe once. Despite me calling myself hideous every man in a 10-kilometer radius falls in love with me and tells me I’m oh so sexy and by the way I’m only 16 years old” shit going on for no goddamn reason.

Yes, I do blame Twilight for this mostly in recent years, but this trope isn’t by any means knew. Pretty sure that you could even use classics as Pride and Prejudice and dissect them in the same manner (Bold statement: Lizzy Bennet is the OG Bella Swan. There. Go fight somewhere in the corner, people). The new wave of YA focuses on girls belittling themselves and only starting to believe in themselves because someone else (mostly the male love interest) tells them they’re worth it. And these books hit the mainstream because they’re incredibly bland and picture perfect white.

With Annabeth it’s different. She shows up for the job and is done with it. (Brie Larson would probably be the perfect in real life version of her. You either like or dislike her. Or you really don’t care). That is what is so refreshing about her. Her unapologetic nature. Can it be off-putting? Yes. Is it annoying? Yes! Hell, every time I read The Lightning Thief, I want to rip her goddamn head off. And it’s just so well written. Her shift from mistrusting Percy but secretly still believing in him to her opening up. Wow, Riordan did something right there.

Annabeth Chase isn’t a young character. She has existed along with PJO for 15 years. She’s on her way to the second decade. I’m pretty sure that with the success of Percy Jackson (and Harry Potter) many lives have been warped and shaped.

But when I say the problem lies mostly in the fandom, it doesn’t mean that Riordan’s completely innocent. The only problem that I have with Annabeth lies not truly with her but the fact that Riordan is only able to produce three variations of female characters:

The sweetheart (Hazel, Silena, Calypso, Hestia)

The strong feminist (Annabeth, Piper, Thalia, Reyna, Artemis)

The bitch (Drew, nearly every female goddess in the goddamn Riordanverse next to every female monster)

And these female characters only know three endings:

End up married with a mortgage, three kids, two dogs and a cat somewhere in Connecticut by the age of twelve

Get dumped into the hunt

Chill on Mount Olympus and only come down to be a nuisance and/or give a cryptic message before going back and doing a godly rave party or something

We know Annabeth as the badass strong female first (or the bitchy character we’re supposed to actually like. Choose your approach), the blueprint so to speak, so some of the other characters feel almost pale in comparison and almost not needed? Doesn’t mean that other characters can’t behave similarly, but it feels kind of redundant especially if their character arcs end in a rather anticlimactic way (Thalia, Reyna). The new additions are the much needed woc as the main story with PJO was inherently white (anyway stan black!Percy and Grover, folks). So it’s not to bash on the new characters, it’s more Riordan’s fault more than anything.

Since Riordan only knows three female character arcs it feels like he tried to copy the formula several ways with different nuances. Some more or less successful. This is where fandom actually comes in handy and helps create more distinguished and fleshed out characters in form of headcanons or fanfiction.

But even in these cases people still make it about Annabeth when it’s time for characters of colors to shine. Remember that whole spiel and discussion that broke out when people (Kal, diver-up, Caitlyn, Bee, reynaisalesbian, etc.) joked about or criticized that Annabeth thinks that she’s having it harder because she’s a blonde? In front of Hazel and Piper? If she would’ve been a real person that’s an invitation for getting decked. And then all hell broke loose because Annabeth stans couldn’t accept the fact that in the real world and/or in fictional worlds the woc/coc have it harder? That the white woman wasn’t the victim that needed the coddling? Yeah, that was mad pathetic.

I hope you people get my point?

Well fuck. I wrote so many things and have the feeling I’ve said nothing. Anyway, I hope I made sense. This is way too long.

TLDR: Chill about Annabeth please. She’s an important character but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to like her, regardless of being a character in the books or a reader/fan of PJO in real life. She isn’t nice or a sweetheart all the time. She also isn’t the monstrous asshole that some try to make out of her.

Peace out.

[feetoffire]

Captain Christopher Pike, the rec list

I had this almost finished and ready to post, and then the kitten wiped everything, so here it is, a gazillion years later than I wanted. Yay. 

Ongoing - the fic is complete, but not all chapters are posted

WIP - fic isn’t finished

Incomplete - last-updated-more-than-a-year-ago WIPs

recs under the cut; spoilers abound

AOS

Gen

Pike’s Office by AnxiouslyGoing. Poor Jim has a Tarsus related panic attack, and ends up sleeping in Pike’s office/on Pike’s lap. Academy Era, bonus appearance by Spock, dad!Pike. 2k oneshot.

Another Life by LullabyKnell. Time travel fix it for ST2009. As ever, LullabyKnell gave us a spectacular, delightfully well-written fic. Dadmiral Pike, even if he’s technically a captain at this point. No pairings, everything is platonic. 12 chapters, 61k, T. Complete. 

Watching the Cloud of Dust by AngelQueen. Pike runs into Spock Prime while seeing the Enterprise off. Cue melancholy fluff (it follows Spock Prime around like a dog). 1.7k oneshot, G.

Phil Boyce/Chris Pike

horizons universe by gracieminabox. Massive, massive series spanning the whole of Chris’ life. Not canon compliant, i.e. Pike Lives. “Christopher Pike, in word and in deed.” Series, 263k in seventeen parts, G-E. 

Altered Horizons by InsaneSociopath. The bar fight goes very differently because Chris gets elbowed in the face. Featuring depressed!bipolar!Chris, who is Not Having A Good Time, Emergency Department (ED) doc Bones, and mother-hen!Jim. Phil is essentially Sir Not Appearing In This Fic, but he and Chris are married. Seven chapters, 14k, G. Incomplete. I adore this one. 

When Darkness Drifts by InsaneSociopath. Tarsus fic. Jim gets adopted by Starfleet but still ends up on Tarsus, except Chris is there. All Tarsus-related warnings apply. Jim and Chris centric; Phil is most present in the last few chapters. Six chapters, 44k, M. Complete. 

Kinktober 2017 by nerdqueenenterprise. What it says on the tin. Series, 13k in eight parts, T-E. Complete. 

A Vacation Long Overdue by nerdqueenenterprise. Reunion sex, mostly. They haven’t seen each other in six months, so they take leave on a remote beach. ~9k oneshot, E. 

The Weight of a Man by imachar. Another huge series charting the evolution of Chris and Phil’s relationship. Both canon compliant and canon non-compliant, so there’s a choice if you want it. Series, 174k in sixteen parts, M-E. Complete. 

shatterproof by gracieminabox. Will Make You Cry. Phil’s POV, STID compliant, featuring a picture from their early days. 4.3k oneshot, M.

Winged Desires and Veiled Persuasions by imachar. Post-Narada, ignores/was written before STID. Bones ends up hanging out with Phil and Chris at Spuhura’s wedding reception, and then the three of them have sex in Phil and Chris’ hotel suite. Pretty much pure smut. 12k oneshot, E. 

McPike

The Wind and Its Satellite by severinne. Long series, some BDSM, eventual Bones/Jim/Pike. Something of a McPike classic. Series, 186k in twenty parts, M-E.

Partridge Fallen From the Pear Tree by severinne. Post-divorce Bones works as a prostitute to make ends meet. Pike comes to town to recruit him, ends up paying for a night without knowing Bones is Bones, and then they both freak the fuck out when Pike realizes who he is. More-or-less just smut and angst. Pre-canon. Three chapters, 12k, E. Complete.

Singularities Verse by FrancescaMonterone. Bones and Pike fall in love, Pike adopts Chekov, Jim is Jim. Bonus Admirals Archer and Reed, and Archer/Reed. Mostly pre-canon, ace Pike. Series, 81k in six parts, T. WIP. 

Need by Noranem. Post STID, Pike and Bones invite Jim into their relationship and their bed. Established McPike, early days Bones/Jim/Pike. Four chapters, 12k, E. Complete. 

Pirk

See All The Stars by HoneyBeeBritt. Chris and Jim fell in love some time before Daystrom. Fluff and angst, with a happy ending promised in part four. I come back to this one regularly, especially part one. Series, 6.2k in three parts, T-M. Ongoing.

Shining On The Quay by topaz. Post-Narada through Beyond, ignores STID. Chris and Jim fall in love, get together, and figure out how to keep a relationship going when one of them is in space and the other is an admiral. Series, 32k in three parts, E. Complete. 

You Still Got Wheels, Kid by withthepilot. Yes, this is partially on here because it’s one of the few (good) fem!Pike fics. Pre-canon, Pike finds out Jim’s alive because she (not Winona or Sam) is listed as his emergency contact. Prostitute Jim. Takes place two years before canon, I think. 12k oneshot, E. 

Moments along the path by InsaneSociopath. Jim, through no fault of his own, is assigned to Pike as an aide bc Command thinks he’s a loose cannon. Pike is delighted /s. (he warms up eventually.) Some Tarsus PTSD; also a fair amount of fluff. Academy Era slow burn that goes right through to (immediately) post-Narada. 46k oneshot, M. Second chapter is artwork. Long but 100% worth it. 

How Do You Want Me, How Do You Want Me? by babykid528. Get together via smut. Feelings abound but talking about them does not. 3k oneshot, E. 

The Ocean Between Us by severinne. They get a drink in a bar. They’re both dead. Something of a get-together fic. Can and Will sucker punch you with feels. STID compliant. 1k oneshot, T.

Mutual Profusion of Good Feeling (aka Wherein the Aliens have a Flair for Mood Lighting) by kayliemalinza. This doesn’t really count as Pirk, but it’s not platonic enough for the gen category. Away mission, the premise is ‘aliens made them do it’ but there’s no sex or fade to black. Romantic, I guess? I really don’t know, but the prose is gorgeous. Also a Pike Lives/returns to the Enterprise AU. 5k oneshot, T.

Timeline Shenanigans

In plain view by IceCream_Junkie, Killermanatee. Pike/Pike. What can I say? The image of Greenwood’s Pike and Mount’s Pike together is very pretty. 2k oneshot, E.

Out of This World by TheAsexualofSpades. Space Puns. That is all. 1.1k oneshot, G. 

Discovery/quasi-SNW

Gen

A Small Storm by EKthered. Spock goes to visit his captain and ends up comforting him instead. Post Boreth. 2.3k oneshot. 

you were never broken by ordinary things by SiderumInCaelo. Michael Burnham & Chris Pike. Michael has only an inkling of what’s going on, but she manages to comfort Chris anyway. Post Boreth. 1.2k oneshot. 

Piler | Chris Pike/Ash Tyler

the chair and the badge by ninjamcgarrett. The boys are soft and in love. Lots of smut, but a fair amount of plot. Their respective traumas are addressed too, so there’s plenty of h/c. Honestly? My favorite from this pairing. Series, 59k in five parts, M-E. Ongoing. 

Reality by aishahiwatari. Initially a take on how these two idiots settled their differences, and evolution from there. Part two is post-season two of Disco. Series, 5k in two parts, E. Complete.

survival is insufficient by topaz. Post-Disco; they get together to remember Discovery’s crew, and then they get together. Traumas are addressed. Part two is a sort-of case fic, TW starvation. Series, 33k in two parts, E. WIP.

Feeling Too Deeply by NightOfTheLand. Established Piler, post-Disco season two couch sex. 6k oneshot, E. 

dancing to a beat of our own, flying with the speakers blown by wolfhalls. Neither of them want to talk about anything, aka Horrible Coping Mechanisms TM. Bottom Pike, quasi-hurt/comfort. 2.7k oneshot, E. 

Christmas in Sickbay by lah_mrh. Chris is accident- and injury-prone and has a new reason to hate spiders. Ash just wants to spend time with his boyfriend. 1k oneshot, G. 

The Pillow Will Disappear When I Forget I Put a Pillow There, Worry Not by prototype_malice. Sleepy fluff and cuddles. (they deserve it.) 665 words, oneshot, G. 

Chris Pike/Una | Number One 

it will take place without witnesses by love_in_the_time_of_kohlinahr. Post Disco, Pike is struggling with the knowledge of his future, so he and Una play chess until stupid o’clock in the morning (as one does), and then he lowkey has a panic attack. Una POV. Also features sleepy sex, but it isn’t plot-important and can be skipped over, if you wish. 2k oneshot, E. 

Overtime by Astronoddingoff. Una has Thoughts about Chris working doubles for the better part of a week. Also men get pegged. Definite sub!Chris. 7k oneshot, E. 

Terminal Velocity by Astronoddingoff. Una pegs Chris and drags his favorite fantasy out of him. Chris is On Board with all of this. Implied poly!Chris (i.e. Boyce/Pike) and hardcore switch/sub vibes from Chris. 6.8k oneshot, E. 

All for One by knightinmourning. D/s universe, where Pike had/has to hide the fact that he’s a sub to make (and stay) captain. Mostly reccing for part two, which has a fair amount of hurt/comfort (and also hints at threatened sexual assault and definite torture; be forewarned). Technically also Chris/Phil and Chris/Spock, but there’s no pairing sex, and part two is entirely Una’s POV. Series, 4.2k in two parts, M-E. Probably incomplete. 

A Gentle Touch by jedi_harkness. Chris and Una shower together. Body worship, no sex. So Much Fluff (and also happy tears). It’s super sweet. 1.7k oneshot, T.

Phil Boyce/Chris Pike

Decompression by Astronoddingoff. Chris is elated by a recent treaty success and the time spent dirtside. Phil does his best to make him even happier. Lowkey sub Pike. Implied poly!Chris (i.e. Pike/One). 3.5k oneshot, E. 

Most Pike/Boyce fics fall under the AOS tags

Una/Phil/Chris

Triangulate by Astronoddingoff. Sex pollen, but they’re already-kind-of-mostly in an established relationship. Recent miscommunications lead to angst. They all love each other and they’re all idiots. Lowkey sub Pike. Two chapters, 20k, E. 

Holy by Astronoddingoff. Self-actualizing featuring religious guilt/conflict, i.e. Pike is a sub and religion is weird about enjoying yourself. 2.7k oneshot, E. 

Happy Birthday by MeganMoonlight. It’s Phil’s birthday. Cue breakfast in bed. 530 word oneshot, G. 

[peeterparkr]

The Holiday.|Tom Holland

chapter one: The Prince and the Pauper. (Pauper.)

↳ read Sophia’s version here and a little bit of Tom. (Tim fic)

So, the christmas series is finally here! This is a 2 fics in one, meaning I’ll write Tom’s fic and @jambrosemc will write a Tim Chalamet fic, if you’re not familiar with the concept, it’s based on the movie The Holiday, where two women after being heartbroken switch their homes and lives for a bit. Both fics are reader insert, however Emma’s character will be named Sophia in this fic and my character will be named Iris in her fic. Remember the fics are connected and that Tom’s introduction is held in @jambrosemc​ ‘s fic. And so Tim’s introduction is here. Hope it’s not complicated and we hope you love it. 

STORY SUMMARY:  Two women troubled with guy-problems, one who’s in love with love and one who doesn’t believe in it are both suffering from a broken heart, with little reasoning and nothing left to lose, they swap homes in each other's countries for the holidays, where they’ll meet a local guy who will probably change their destiny. 

chapter summary: The heartbreak of an unrequited lover. pairing: tom holland x y/n | warnings: Chad, mentions of sex, alcohol, mentions of cheating.  word count: 7.2k

story masterlist. 

next chapter

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There is something unequivocally  known about love, everything that’s been said about it, is almost true. We’ve been bombarded with love songs, romantic comedies, romance novels, poetry, it’s everywhere. There can never be enough love songs, because no matter how incredible it never seems to be the same, you’ll never see two pieces that are identical, some of them are similar, of course, but they all speak from a very deep side of Love.  Love isn’t one thing that is written down, not an exact science. There’s no right formula to whatever love is. But every single thing written about love might be true, at least to someone. Love is something so personal and yet we can all relate to it, but then again there’s never two loves that will feel the same. There can be two love stories starting at the same time but you’ll never feel like it’s the same. But everytime someone dares to write or speak or sing about love, it’s most likely to be true. Or so you’ve learned throughout the years.

In Romeo and Juliet,  Romeo asked himself ‘Did my heart love till now?’, and there's common sense to it, we’ve all felt that…We’ve all wondered if you’ve known love before you met the one.  You believed you had, you thought you had it all figured out. How much can one learn about love? We’ve all felt it. At some point, or another. You had. It’s incredibly easy to understand that though love is unique in its own sense, love is universal.

You did believe that everything concerning love was true. Shakespeare also said, "Journeys end when lovers meet."

Was it true? You loved to rely on that thought, that we were meant to travel until we found the one. That two people are destined to meet in the middle and start a new one together.

You loved to think about love more than anyone did, you were hopeless. It’s incredibly complex, and subtle and it’s got the power to change someone, and a story, completely. Love is not easy.

Love is also blind, you, perfectly,  knew about that. It was smart to know that you’d been blinded yourself.

Love fades. Love is lost. Love is complicated. Love can be something eternal, or love can only last for a night.

Then, there was the one love you knew, the one you’d been living for a while. Unrequited love. No one really talks about that one. All love stories rely on the fact that the two lovers will end up together. But the unrequited love? No, no one dares to write about it. Maybe because they’re too sad in their sorrow to even think of that. You always wondered what would be of that story if someone ever dared to write it. And what’s the destiny awaiting for them?

Always the bad luck, the ones with the blinded reason, but always foreign to that one feeling of joy. Always wounded, and always left when the sun is out. The handicapped of hearts.

You were one, you were one of them, the one who is in love with that one guy who never dares to love back.

It gets even worse around the Holidays, everyone speaks of it. It’s everywhere. You go to the mall and see people buying gifts for their significant others, you turn the TV on and there’s the usual bad romantic films that you ended up watching, always the same, the girl goes from the big city back to her old town and her high school sweetheart is in love with her still, all while there’s an angel or Santa Claus, or whatever they come up this time, and she finds herself falling back in love with her old town, and she’s a painter or whatever and she lets go her dream of the big city to go back to her pathetic love interest.

Yet you always watched them, curled up in front of your TV with the candy that you were supposed to give out on Halloween but instead kept them for Christmas.

That was you, a hopeless romantic who was desperate for love.

You were there, wrapping a delicate christmas present that probably was not wanted but that you were too blinded and too stupid to see that. Also trying to wrap your own mind whether you’d give this out or not.

You were pathetic, and there he was in all his splendor. Chad.

Of course, maybe that’s what you get for being in love with a man named Chad, but he didn’t live up to his name. He was handsome, and incredibly perfect, and you were always so mesmerized by him. You had been in love with him for three years now, three miserable years. And honestly it’s been the worst years of your life, worst birthday, christmases, Halloween, New Years Eve’s that needed wine and Xanax. The biggest curse. All because you’re in love with a man who’s never and will never ever love you back.

He probably wasn’t conventionally good looking, not for most girls around anyway, but he had a confidence and a sly sexuality that could get you to your knees in the blink of an eye.

“Y/N, dear, please tell me you’re not deeply lost looking at Chad?” Angela, your coworker and probably closest thing to a friend asked.

“What?” You were snapped out of your trance. “No, no!” Though you had been.

The holidays party at the newspaper you worked at. You wrote the only good news, you’d say, the column of UNIONS, when you described marriages and gave the couples a little bit of spotlight to their recent and new found joy. You wanted to write way more than that, honestly, but you didn’t mind. Though you knew you were probably wasted potential. Potential, everyone said you had it.

“I thought that was over,” Angela pointed out.

“It is! It is—“You tried to say. “It—is, mostly.”

Angela rolled her eyes, “thought so,” she snapped. “What even was the deal with you two? You used to fuck him right?”

“I—“you coughed. “Yeah, I used to sleep with him, but more importantly I was in love with him.”

Still were, for that matter.

“Oh, great, and then—you discovered he was fucking that other girl in accounting, Denise.”

“Yes, I did find out and hence why I stopped… sleeping with him,” you whispered, embarrassed. “And I don’t want to talk about this at the party.”

“But like I always see you two together, so he cheats on you and you keep being friends with him?” Angela pushed to your own disarray. “Plus, I’m like 300% sure you’re the one who writes the articles for him, he hasn’t one ounce of talent and you do.”

You did write his stuff. But couldn’t get anywhere yourself.

“I well-”

“And he cheated, y/n.”

“Yes but he didn’t cheat, you see in his mind we weren’t in a relationship and we were in mine… but like—“

“So if you’re not in a relationship that means you have to expect he’s going to fuck other women?” She pointed out.

“I—“ you didn’t know what to say. “No, no, I mean—but I was so in love with him, but—“Somehow this had opened a gate that you hadn’t opened in a while. “Wait—No, no I can’t cry,” you said to yourself feeling like there was going to be a cascade pooling your eyes. “Does it look like I’m crying?”

“Y/n, maybe—Look,” she wiped off a tear, I—“She coughed. “Did he ever say he loved you?”

“I—yes, three times.” You had counted them. “When I reminded him of that he said it must've been a  question and it most certainly was not.”

“You see y/n, when you catch a man fucking another woman you’re not supposed to remain friends with him, you’re supposed to make a scene, threaten to chop off his dick, throw things at him, like I did with your brother.”

You rolled your eyes, “Tim didn’t cheat on you,” you said. “You slept with him once, didn’t talk to each other for like a month and he found someone else and you made a scene.”

You knew your brother was many things but he wasn’t a cheater, he was not a bad person. Tim was someone with enough confidence to know what he wanted and sure, he did find a one night love with strangers every now and then, but he wasn’t a bad person. He probably was too confused. He’s the typical man who is afraid of commitment and has no follow through.

He never fell in love, that wasn’t his thing. The opposite of you, who fell in love deeply. Tim never—wanted any commitment. He could have a one night stand and never follow through.

“But—you see that’s what you’re supposed to do,” Angela continued.

“But I’m not doing anything, we just—text,” you admitted with pity, “and sometimes we FaceTime but like that’s it, and we’ve gone out for lunch and look, he says we’d be idiots to give up our friendship but—“You couldn’t continue.

“Fucking men, they’re trash, all of them, he’s got you right where he wants you, who wouldn't want a fantastic girl like you in love with him ... hanging on his every word …?” She asked. “Chad knows anytime he wants to crawl back …”

“And he is… Look, today he—he said we should go out and he gave me a Christmas present.”

“Which was?”

“A set of lingerie but—“

“Oh my god y/n,” she snapped. “I can’t believe how pathetic you are.”

“Is it pathetic really? To think the world is near perfection every time I’m with him?”

Angela rolled her eyes. “Very. It’s...Chad.”

“I… is it wrong, really? I just want to be loved.”

“And you chose Chad?”

Before you could say anything, your boss called out. “Everybody gather around. I have an important announcement to make,” your boss said. “First of all you, I want to wish each and every one of you a Merry  Christmas. It’s been a year, hasn’t it? I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished,”he kept rambling on their achievements or whatsoever they had done throughout the year, you couldn’t care less. “Given that, we may be able to get by with a smaller announcement—Which involves y/n—y/n? Are you there?”

Angela raised your hand.

“Well y/n your column on weddings has been lovely,” he said.

Was it though?

“And—Well, a wedding was privately announced earlier, and I don’t think any other paper in town knows about it and I want you to be the first to report on this particular union,   as it is between two of our most esteemed colleagues got hitched! Bring a loud cheer for Chad Bloom and Denise Higgins!”

Boom.

It all felt...no.

You tried desperately not to cry. Everyone could see you there. Were you dreaming? This was a nightmare.

You didn’t know how you got the guts to get out of that office without crying. You’ve never felt braver before, but you had to give the politest of smiles to Chad and everyone around to then proceed to get your coat and head home. How pathetic did you look in your car crying to a guy who definitely was going to do that.

This felt like a nightmare. The love of your life was engaged.  And you couldn’t do anything about it. Because you didn’t believe in multiple loves, only one, love wouldn’t come again and knock on your door. This was it, you were destined to be lonely and stay lonely. This was your very worst nightmare, all that time wasted upon and there was nothing you could do about it.

It hurt, your heart was wrenched. You’d open the Halloween candy sooner, and you’d bought ice cream, three pints of ice cream.

Just a week before he had given you the set of lingerie and said he was eager to see you wearing it. Honestly, you had lied to Angela. You had seen him a couple of times, and sooner or later you’d end up in between the sheets because you had absolutely no self control when it came to him. He knew how to press your buttons and where to touch you and he’d try to charm you each time and you’d end up falling for it. He’d say that he’d changed and that he always believed in you.

Honestly, you always fell for it because you thought you were both destined to be in love.

But now it was all gone, you’d lost him. He was going to marry someone else.

This probably was the lowest point in your life, it really was. Because it was so stupid to fall in love with someone who was just going to step on you, and you needed someone. Time was passing by, it was getting darker and night was only drowning you more. You needed someone to talk to, who’d listen. But someone who wouldn’t judge you just as bad or who couldn’t judge you as bad.

You were getting tired of crying but you couldn’t help it. You felt insignificant and as small as humanly possible. So very crushed.

You called your brother, because though he probably would judge you, and he’d probably not care, he was kind of forced to listen because you were relatives and you did help him from time to time. Lately more than you wanted to.

“Y/N—?” Tim answered, and you could hear there was music playing behind him. Of course he’d be awake in the middle of the night. He probably was out clubbing.

“Tim—I need—I’m not okay,” you admitted.

“Y/N I can’t really—“he laughed in between. “Hear you.”

“Chad is engaged!” You said louder.

He laughed. “Chad, what a stupid name.”

“Tim I’m serious!” She stated.

“How serious can this be his name is Chad!” Tim giggled. He was clearly drunk.

“Tim! I—He’s engaged I—I can’t believe it just a week ago he said he—“

“We’ve both known Chad is an asshole y/n, his name is Chad for fuck’s sake,” Tim pushed. “We both—I thought you were over him.”

“I… well.”

“Fuckin’ hell, y/n.”

“I’m never gonna love again,” you stated.

He scoffed. “Love doesn’t exist, y/n,” he stated. “Not for someone named Chad.”

“Stop.”

“He—“Tim sighed. “Look, we both knew he was an idiot, and we both knew he was going to break your heart and—He already had! May I remind you of that? He cheated on you!” He stated. “He is an asshole who doesn’t deserve any of your tears and I’m a hundred percent sure you are crying.”

You were, for that matter. Love for you was also always shedding tears.Sad tears. Love hurts. “I love him.”

“And I love this vodka on my hand,” he stated. “That—means nothing, okay?”

“You’ve never been in love,” she snapped. “You don’t know how it feels to have your love taken away—“

“Don’t go there, y/n.”

“I—I just—I can’t—“

“Y/N you need a break,” Tim said without really caring. “I’ll call you back later alright? I’m busy.”

A break.

Yes, that’s exactly what you needed. A break from your stupid and pathetic life, a break from your little fantasy. A break from Chad. Honestly, you were tired of it. Always having the worst of luck. You needed a break from men, though you barely had… Being completely honest, it only takes one man to lose faith in humanity. They hold that power.

You knew what love was and well, you’d never have it. You were destined to be the side character, the best friend and the one plot device. Not relevant.

Because honestly how stupid were you.

But was it really so bad to feel that way? To long for love, for someone who would run to you, and whom you could fall so deeply with. Guess now you had to build up walls. Because now you couldn’t get nobody else to hurt you again, nobody was worth this pain. Nobody should ever feel this way. You never wanted to let anyone hurt you again.

Honestly, you so needed a break.  But where and how?

You couldn’t stay in your place, it held too many memories, lots of them of you being stupid with Chad because you were such an idiot for letting him in your house and corrupt your place. You needed a break because everything would remind you of him, your car, his car, his house, this town, everything. Also your place was too sad.

You could go away. You had to, because you couldn’t let yourself drown in more sorrow. You were so unbelievably tired of it.

You had to go. Away from him, away from this place and your stupid house. Hell, if you could, you’d go to another country.

You rang Timmy again.

“What- y/n?”

“Where should I go?”

“What?”

“Yes on vacation,” you added.

“How do I-I don’t know, fuck it eh, oh wherever they speak English, bye.” He hung up on you again.

Where did they speak English?

England, of course.

Hell, maybe that’s why Chad didn’t love you, you were stupid, probably. England. London. You’d always wanted to go there. Anywhere really, but you never went anywhere because you were still waiting on Chad. Jesus, how much time did you spend wasting on that man?

England.

You opened up your laptop, ready for it. You needed to get away and not waste the holidays watching old and bad Hallmark movies eating ice cream by yourself. Or maybe yes, just far away from your own house.

Airbnb.

You went straight to London, it always seemed like a dream, besides it could work. And you scrolled through houses, big ones, small ones.

Then you found one. ‘Cozy, lovely place above a bookshop’. It did call your mind, it gave the idea of a perfect fantasy, it seemed nice enough.

And far, very far. And so different from whatever her fantasy with Chad had been, what was his thing? Island in the Caribbean.

You kept reading.

“In the other direction, the Bayswater Road will take you to Notting Hill (location of the Julia Roberts/ Hugh Grant film of the same name) and its fantastic local restaurants and bars, boutique shops, and the famous Portobello Road Market.”

That caught your mind. It seemed… perfect but to live with that fantasy of yours to live in a stupid romcom. Could it be?

No, no. You had to go in with the idea that no matter how romantic, you had bad luck and not even such a romantic place would make you have someone to love. You were really supposed to be always lonely. But the idea… of leaving did thrill you.

You didn’t think much of it, but the next morning, you still had that thought roaming in your mind, and eventually… you tried to reach out. It had closed, however. But you had saved the ad.

Sophia.

That was her name.

Hey! I’m interested in your house! That seemed too weird. Besides she had closed it.

You decided to reach out anyway.

“Hey, I was interested in your house! I don’t know if someone else rented it but I thought it was worth the shot. Is it still available? I’m sorry if it’s not. I just really liked your place! It’s okay if it’s not! Sorry! Thank you!” You sent it in. Wondering if you’d apologized just enough times.

You knew she’d probably not respond.

“Oh, sorry! I was renting it because I was planning to go on holiday with my boyfriend but plans changed. We broke up recently so I won’t be going anymore,” she answered.  That had been quick. Lucky she was online but the place was no longer available.

This was your bad luck only. Of course she wasn’t going to rent it. The dream seemed too far away. But… she had just broken up, she probably was feeling awful.

“Oh, I’m sorry!  why did you break up with him?” You asked.

Then read again what you’d just asked. What was wrong with you? This was a stranger. They didn’t need to give any explanation.

“I’m sorry you don’t have to answer that. I don’t know why I asked.” You added.

She was typing. “No, don’t worry! I guess it’s pretty complicated but long story short, he cheated on me.”

Been there, you thought to yourself. But probably at least most likely she was dating him and they were in a relationship not like you with your stupid “whatsoevership” with Chad.

“Men are trash,” you texted her.

“To say the least,” she answered.

You bit your lip. You knew you had to open up to. Well you didn’t have to, but you… felt the need to.

“I’m really sorry, I know how it feels. I was actually looking at your place to escape from a man myself. The love of my life, Chad, just got engaged.”

As soon as you sent it you saw how stupid you looked. You were absolutely pathetic.

“Chad?” Sophia asked.

You chuckled. You could see the smirk from the other side.

“I know. It’s my fault for falling in love with a Chad. Lives up to his stupid name.” Was your response.

It honestly was. But thought it seemed fun to poke on his name, it really didn’t occur to you that it was because of his name that he was an asshole, don’t blame it on a name.

“Well, I’m sorry that “Chad” had to be the love of your life. It sounds like we both need to get away.” Sophia sent.

Yes, you too were sorry.

“Definitely, but I’m gonna keep looking. I need to be at least 500 miles away from him.”

You really were going to keep looking, maybe not as perfect as the place Sophia had but at least go away.

“Maybe we could work something out?” Sophia asked.

Huh.

You grinned before chuckling. “Let’s switch lives like in The Parent Trap, although we’re not twins we’d be switching breakup lives.”

That would be a fun idea, impossible of course but you secretly hoped it could be done.

“Sounds interesting! Where are you from?” She asked.

Was she really up for it or was she just like you? Bored and alone enough to be talking to a stranger you’d met over Airbnb. Some people do tinder, but guessed you did Airbnb to make friends with other women who’d fallen under the sorrow that is falling in love with men.

“Astoria, Oregon. Pretty boring compared to London I guess.” Was your answer. Of course if she was remotely interested on switching before, all hopes would flush now.

“Not at all! All I care is that it’s far from here.” Sophia answered.

Was… it for real?

“Me too.”

You answered in hopes, but not really she’d back away.

“So, should we switch?” She asked.

You stared at the screen, not believing it. You had to make sure. “You’re serious? My place is nothing like yours.”

“Surely it’s not too horrible.”

It wasn’t, honestly. It was pretty. But not exciting, it was only normal. It was clean, it was full of books.

“I have a kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, living room. That's it. And I’m not near a romantic location like yours. I do have a dog, though.”

You didn’t know why you were sabotaging yourself. Matter of habits, maybe.

She didn’t.. Back away. “That’s perfect, I want far away from romance.”

So weird, you wanted to go near something romantic to be reminded love exists, or whatever. You didn’t understand why. Honestly, it probably was only a way to cope with this.

“Well, this is your chance.”

Honestly, this place was everything but romantic.

“Can I ask you one thing?” She asked.

She was going to back away. “Sure.”

“Are there any men in your town?” She asked.

Well, there goes your chance. You had to be honest about it. “Honestly? Zero.”

You waited for the ‘not interested' answer, instead she gave you: “When can I come?”

You scoffed with delight, not believing it. “Tomorrow too soon?” You asked, half-joking only. Honestly, you had to get away now.

“Tomorrow’s perfect actually.”

You couldn’t believe it. “wait wait wait but like are you for real?”

“Absolutely, or would it be too crazy?”

It ws for that matter, but when you’re brokenhearted you have no common sense. You didn’t have one of your own, that is. But this was exciting and this seemed like an adventure. A great idea for the one book you’d promised yourself you’d end up writing one day, instead of writing every other article for Chad.

You thought about it, you really wanted to go through with it. “It is but I’m down for it, but like, okay do you want pics of my home or something so you don’t think I’m a creepy old man who might kidnap you?”

And that would bring less of suspicion, god, why were you like this?

“Umm, yes actually :) that would be great.”

Yeah, she’d say that.

“Okay, wait, want my phone number so we’re not talking over air bnb?”

“Yes, I feel like that might be better.”

What was going on? Why were you exchanging numbers with a girl who you had never met and who lived in a completely different country. Besides, it was even crazier to think you btoh were thinking about switching places. You were crazy, completely off reason. Yet you didn’t know how or why you ended up both texting more, and talking. Showing each other’s places and ranting about men.

You couldn’t blame her for not believing in love, of course she wouldn’t. The ne guy she gives her heart to cheated on her. You wouldn’t blame her, at all. Besides, it was just…

You both had a very different version of it, but it was… Different. Yes, different, you guessed there was no other way to put it into it.

The texting didn’t cease, it continued more than you ever thought it would. Because sometimes it’s easier to rant to a stranger about life and love’s misfortunes. It seemed incredibly stupid how you both were talking about men who decided to ruin your lives. How in this world had you ended up venting to a stranger?

Danny blamed it on her. Danny seemed like the typical male who wanted to have a girlfriend and well, there was Sophia. It seemed sad, seemed like they both settled for it. Not even Sophia seemed to talk about him with love. She was just so… Not into it. Just talking about someone who she used to share time with.

She had given up on it. You couldn’t understand that. If the one who wasn’t the one could make her happy at some point, how happy would she be with the one?

However, you both seemed very alike, and both of you probably were in the same situation. Well, of course, the cheating part was different. But you’d gone through it as well. But Sophia explained that Danny, her ex, hadn’t even felt sorry for cheating.

You knew that story like the palm of your hand. Chad well… He blamed it on you, too. And he had said it, he didn’t cheat.

And though the stories were so different, the feeling was the same, of wanting to take a break from your pain, from a heartache and being so damn unreasonable to think of this. Honestly, though the idea of London seemed romantic, you knew you’d end up curled up crying on the other side of the world.

Sophia seemed to be very well put together, she had her bookshop, which added to her life. And sure, she seemed like a workaholic but she seemed to be kind. Someone who had the guts to follow her dreams and someone who barely had time to think about love.

You wished you were a bit more like her. She seemed like a main character. Even her name was a main character one.

The texting, not sure how or when, turned into a facetime call, and there you were, facetiming with a stranger about the lack of love you’d been involved with.  You pitied her, though. Not in a bad way, but in a way you could completely understand what she was going through. She seemed tough enough. But for her, love had rules. It had to be a certain way, and life had to have a certain balance and everything had to be merely perfect. But love for her was simple, the only rule was not to cheat.

Danny, her ex, had broken that rule. Which honestly, from what you’d gathered she was someone who actually tried. But… No, Sophia had seen him fade out. It always scared you to see that, to see how someone falls out of love. Sophia had seen it. But maybe Sophia’s belief, or lack of, of love was just… Surreal. But you understood it, not completely. But you did.

How could she believe in love when she’d never had it? Truly had it.

And she spoke of love as if it was a disease. Maybe it was, a disease. But was love really the disease or the aftermath the true one?

She didn’t believe in love. And not in a way that everyone has gone through, not in the way when you’re so brokenhearted that you don’t believe in it for a while. No, she didn’t want to give it a chance. For her, life was supposed to be about her success and her job, and the thrill of owning a bookshop.

Maybe she was the one who was right, after all you'd proved that love only could hurt. And how could you, after all of this, believe in it?

“So how long were you with him?” You asked her, as you were pacing around your kitchen, honestly you didn’t care if a complete stranger was seeing you in your ‘Chad reaction’, the bottle of wine, the chips, the cookies, your pj’s. Your pug dog, Tommy following you around.

Yet she was there, so elegantly, with her glass of wine. How was she handling it so well?

She gave it a thought. “About four years. What about you? How long have you loved Chad?” She smirked at the thought.

Four years. It seemed… enough. You rolled your eyes at the mention of his name. “Oh god it does sound super stupid,” you groaned. “But… Three stupid and miserable years, it’s a low point,” you said before finally opening up the wine and pouring a glass.

“No, it’s not stupid,” she answered. But it was, his name was Chad. “But, I can imagine how it would be a low point.”

Very, very low point. “But like you told me—He blamed it on you?” You couldn’t put your mind to it, at least Chad had accepted he’d slept with Denise. Of course, he didn’t say he cheated but he hadn’t… blamed it on you.

“He did,” she admitted. “He said I worked too much, and that I didn’t give him enough attention.”

You clenched your jaw, incredulous of how stupid he was. If you met the guy you’d probably slap him. “Fuck him, honestly, you’re successful bet he was intimidated by your success.” Because that’s how men work.

Sophia sighed. “Hmm, I doubt it. He just seemed… “ She paused. “bored of me.” You could see she was hurt. “I mean, he was right about one thing. I do spend most of my time at work, but that doesn’t give him any right to do that.”

“No. it doesn’t,” you agreed as you plopped on your couch, your dog jumping to your lap .” Why—Why are men—Like—”You didn’t know what you wanted to ask. “No, never mind that’s my question,” and it was. “Why are men?”

She let out a soft laugh. “Why are men indeed. More specifically, why is Chad?” She joked.

You laughed, too, with distress, running a hand through your face. “Ugh, don’t even mention him,” you whined. “He’s an asshole, can you imagine just a week ago he wanted to sleep with me?” You snaked with disbelief.

She groaned. “What I really have trouble understanding is why you ever wanted to sleep with him.” You had the question backwards, why had he ever looked at you? “Maybe his personality, but he seems like such a wad.”

You didn’t know how to answer the question. Then again, you had the same question for her. Why Danny? Why, being such an incredible woman, had she chosen Danny? Love is blind. You’d learned that over the years.

Maybe because ‘Danny and Sophia’ sounded like something with balance. But did it really? How could she see it so simply?

“Look—I—” You took a deep breath. “I believe in love at first sight,” and you did, in your own way. “and I don’t know, I guess—I saw the fantasy, you know?” You explained. “Thought we could—I don’t know, he was charming,” because he had been, at very first, he had been charming and he’d learned how to make you fall in love with him. “I guess I wanted that, you know the whole love story,” you sounded so childish and stupid but how could anyone ever apologize for being in love. “And he made me believe he could give it to me and then he just never—”You had to face the truth. “He only wanted sex and I fell in love,” it all ended so simply. Maybe Sophia was right all along. “Pathetic right?”

She watched you, and you saw it, the pity in her eyes. Yet someone else feeling sad for you.  She probably did think you were pathetic. “No, I don’t think it’s pathetic… I think… well, I’ve come to the conclusion that love isn’t worth any cost,” she answered. “Not really, especially since it doesn’t even seem real.” You wondered again, how come she’d never felt it. “Love makes people get their hopes up. It makes us… give too much of ourselves to other people, when we don’t even know what our future with them looks like,” she explained. Yes you were probably a mental woman to her. “But I don’t think it’s pathetic that you wanted to believe in something that only seems to come from fairytales, I just think that’s what most people do.”

How bad is it to want a fairytale? “Love is worth it, though,” you said, because how come a beautiful feeling could carry so much pain. “It’s men who are the problem.”

She grinned, defeatedly. “Suppose you got me there…”

You had to ask though. “But you... like really don’t believe in love?” You asked. “Then why were you with Danny? Didn’t you love him?”

She grimaced and took a sip of her wine. “You know,” she paused to think a bit. “I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me.” You understood that part, believing someone loves you back and then it turns out they didn’t… Well, it hurt. “But, I guess he just…”She probably didn’t understand it herself. “And it just made me realize that, even if love is real, it comes so rarely that I don't believe I would ever find it.” That you could understand, though you were so enthusiastic about the feeling, you knew you weren’t meant to find it. “I just don’t think most people do.” She watched you, curiously. “Why have you put so much into it if you were hurt?”

It was an escape, really. Love seemed to make people happy and you wanted to be happy. She reminded you so much of Tim, talking trash about love and not understanding the thrill for it. Being so done with the feeling.

“I think… I dunno, love isn’t a one time thing,” you started with that, because it was true. “I think the problem is I suffered from unrequited love, but I think I… I dunno, I think we get chances,” you said. “Not me though,” you scoffed. “but it’s… I don’t know, I think I’ve always read about love and I’ve always wanted that, and love is complicated, that’s it,” you said, because love could come in so many ways. “I don’t think you can easily-“You shook your head. “I mean I do believe in a sort of thing like love at first sight but I mean, I believe in second chances, but like not for everyone,” seemed like believed in second chances for Chad. “ I guess I… I think there is such a thing as love I’m just… “ you took a deep breath. “super unlucky and maybe that sweet fantasy of any Julia Roberts’ romcom isn’t for me, I’m destined to be a side character who gets no… attention.” Or love.

Sophia probably believed you were helpless. You were. “Oh, come on Iris, that’s not true,” it was easy for her to say. She was the main character. “I mean, if you do come here then you’ll have plenty of opportunity to live a Julia Roberts movie. People seem to find this place so thrilling…” Why wouldn’t they. “I don’t seem to know much about love, or to really be the one to talk to about it, though… “ She admitted truthfully. She gave it a thought. “You know, you should talk to my friend, Tom, if you come. I think you’d get along well, he gushes on about love all the time.”

Your dog raised its head as soon as he heard his name. Tom. You smiled and petted him. “It is thrilling I mean, it’s near Notting Hill,” you were excited. “I just need Hugh Grant and that’s it but…”You knew it wouldn’t come. “You might come here and hate on love with my brother, he hates everything related to it.”

He really did. Tim was even worse than her. Tim never, ever had believed in love. He said he didn’t want to bother about it, no commitment, not ever seeing someone twice because why would he? He said it was a waste of time. Shades of gray on love. And he said he didn’t want to risk just to get hurt. He said love was… a mystery he didn’t want to explore. He liked simple things.

“Really? He sounds better than most men already,” she commented.

You laughed. “He’s not.”

If you ever bumped into someone like your brother you’d end up running the other way.

She chuckled. “Aren’t siblings meant to support one another?”

You scoffed. “You’d think that,” you pointed out. “But no, he’s a man,” you stated clearly. “I don’t know who’s worse men who hate love or men who pretend to love love,” you snaked. Probably the second one. “Your friend is probably the second one.”

Men who don’t believe in love at least are direct about it, and the second type they know and try to hurt you.

She shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. He seems to really believe in it, maybe more than you. He’s really sweet, typically… “She said. “I mean, he is a man so he has his days”

You heard her…. And then you clicked it. Tom, that friend of hers, he probably was in love with her. “Oh,” you closed your eyes. “Of course…. so… Right, right,” she chuckled. “But you don’t believe in love and...Right, right,” you thought it was ironic. You hadn’t even met the guy but you could tell that he probably was so smitten with her and she didn’t see it. A perfect love story.  Why couldn’t she see it? “Perfect setup, see?” You said. “This town is perfect for you, nothing that has to do with romance. It’s a great way to get away from everything romance.”

She seemed confused, because of course, she didn’t see it, she couldn’t, for that matter. But god, how did she not see it?

“Then I can’t wait to go, really,” she went along. “I mean, it seems perfect for you here, too. You can surround yourself in things to remember the “fantasy” of love again,” she offered. “So, are we really switching tomorrow?”

You couldn’t quite put your mind to it. It had been hours of you speaking with this stranger. And all because you wanted to change lives with a stranger. Were you actually going to go through with it? You wanted to.

“You think there are any flights?” You asked, half joking.

“I’m sure there have to be some. Should we check?” She offered.

You smirked and reached for your laptop, conveniently in front of you. “Definitely.”

You expected her to back up.

“Wonderful.” She hadn't. “How long are we doing this for?”

Forever? You wanted to say. “Uh, depends, holidays are coming soon… “ You pointed you. “So, even though I have no interest in spending Christmas here, what’s your idea?”

Because you didn’t want to spend Christmas with your family and hear that question, because you’d promised you’d bring Chad for Christmas. Why? You didn’t know. Because you were an idiot.

Sophia wrinkled her nose. “Nothing is really keeping me here for it, honestly.”

“I’m just-- you’re okay with dogs, right?” You asked as you pointed the camera at your puppy, honestly you had lied, Tommy was the love of your life. A young pug who loved to follow you around. “Because little Tommy here is going to miss me.”

She smiled at him. “I’d love to take care of… did you say…”She tried not to laugh. “l-little Tommy?”

You grinned as you hugged the dog close. “Yeah, his name is Tom. He’s the only male that matters.”

“Oh, I love that. I would love to trade Tom’s with you,” she chuckled.

Oh god, why didn’t she see it?

“As long as I don’t have to feed that one,” you chuckled.

“I do hope that you don’t have to, he seems somewhat capable of caring for himself,” she grinned. “Oh, by the way. He’ll be running my shop for me while I’m away, sometimes he stays later for work so if you hear him downstairs don’t worry.”

Of course he was, he was in love with her. You chuckled and then started to actually look for flights. “I probably won’t notice, honestly…” You scrolled through the flights and there was one. “Okay so here’s a flight, can you believe there’s actually one for tomorrow?”

She probably was looking for flights. “I found one too, shockingly enough… Are we really going through with this?”

Were you?

You were excited, scared but excited. “I think we are.”

“Well, alright then… “ She seemed to be rational yet.

“On three then….?” You asked, knowing this decision would probably change your entire life, not sure why. BUt you had a feeling that this was either the worst decision you’d ever made or the best one. This was the so-needed break you needed, you needed to breathe, and this was the perfect way to do so. Yes, this was unplanned and this was mysterious but this was what you needed an irrational decision.

“One…”She started.

“Two…”

“Three!” You said at the same time.

You’d bought the ticket. There was no going back now. You were going to London to a Stranger’s house for the Holidays.

sophia’s version��<- REMEMBER TO READ TO KNOW WHAT’S UP WITH TOM. 

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tag list  @spidxrparkxr​​​ @mukesnugget​​ @anxiousdesignerdancerbandlover​​ @happywolves81​​   @happywolves81​​ @applenter​​ @silver-winter-wolf    @applenter​​ @claredolphinbear24​​ @bookgirlunicorn​​   @tomshufflepuff​​ @avengersgirllorianna​​ @nevertoofarfromivar​​ @saintlavrents​​ @herofiennestiffinashardinscott.  @tomzfrog​ @dark-infernal-instruments​​ @awkwardfangirl2014​​ @spideysimpossiblegirl​​  @tomzfrog​​  @xapham​​ @xapham​​ @xapham​​ @tomhollandisagod​​ @danicarosaline​​ @laurfangirl424​​ @vintageroses1014516 @cinnamon-roll-peter​​   @the-lost-fairy-tale​​ @the-lost-fairy-tale​​ @lala-florez​​ @lala-florez​​    @ilcveyou3000 @xxtomxo​​ @socorroann​​ @muffinmari25   @cassindeansass  @rogers-obsessed-barnes-curious​​ @southsidespideyy​​ @nathaliabakes​​ @nathaliabakes​​ @nathaliabakes​​ @embrace-themagic​​ @bradfordbantams​​ @sanniegirl1214​​ @softholand​​  @softholand​​ @fairytaleparker​​ @underooling​​ @griff1ndor​​ @griff1ndor​​ @thatweirdomimic​​ @avengersgirllorianna​​ @reginalaufeyson-holmes @better-daisy​​ @yeahimcrying @allmonstersxarehuman​​ @spider-manholland​​ @itstaskeen​​ @itstaskeen​​ @georiaang @sebxstianbarnes​​ @kissingtrutharchives​​  @snoopy3000​​ @prettymessygurl @spideyparkerstark @fanfic-4-you @lexshead​​ @officiallyunofficialperson​​ @mannien​ @whitewolfandthefox​​ @melodiclovesong​​ @bizzlepotter​​ @bizzlepotter​​  @localfangirlx​​ @acceptance07​​ @witchythingscore​​ @witchythingscore​​ @swaggyspiderman​​ @localfangirlx​​  @queengemsworld @liberty0123 @stiles-banshees​​ @itsjusttor​​ @stretchkingblog97 @annathesillyfriend​​ @dangerousluv1​ @tomshufflepuff​​ @thewayilookatbacon​​ @petersdiaries @emjaywrites​​ @emjaywrites​​ @infamousmany @jungeunave @forevermore-euphoria @ispiderdudei @ispiderdudei @literalfsngirltrash​ @quacksonhq​​ @it-is-rebel-owl-ma-dudes​​ @desir-ae @desir-ae​ @desir-ae​ @peterporkpie​ @peterporkpie​ @smolpeachees @thenoddingbunny-blog​ @quackeroos​ @spideyyeet​ @spideyyeet @astoldbydanid​ @astoldbydanid​ @hollandcreep​ @milly7110​ @milly7110​ @hollandcreep​ @rebekkah4766​ @farfromtommy​  @rubberducky-jrr​ @oh-whatabeautiful-parker​ @coveredinthemessimade​  @shameless-self-promo-of-a-shrub @sweetiesangster​ @thatdamjoke​ @annathesillyfriend​​ @l0ove-sick-blues @witchythingscore​​ @witchythingscore​​ @bookworm06​  @bookworm06​  @lala-florez​ @lala-florez​ @chaoticpete​ @shezzalocked​ @ @chaoticpete​ @lowkey-love-loki​ @cosmicholland​ @frenchfrostpudding @badbitchydecisions​ @w4ybefor3nir4na @americaswritings​ @uglypastels​@ilovepeterparker13​ @lukesbabylon​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @simple-things​ @simple-things​ @sip-portteam​  @herondale-snow-carstairs​ @t-holland2080​​ @tony-starks-ego​​ @quaksonhehe0 @stargazerholland​​ @marvelslut-musicalnerd @hotrubycrab @sovereignparker​​ @peter-parker-tony-stank-trash​​ @belleknows @mysticalinsomniac​​ @nycparkers @nycparkers @anythingthaticareabout​​ @spn-assemble-seven @tanyalooovesyou​​ @somethingchaotic​​  @heartofholland​​ @peachybloomss​​ @youcompletemesk​​ @emyla3305​ @emyla3305​​–butt  @hollandstanevans​​ @farfromtommy​​ @farfromtommy​​ @southbeachfeeling​​ @eridanuswave​​ @tonguetiedholland​​ @wolvesofthewinter​​ @quacksonobrien @dcnerd98​​ @ifntelyinspirit​​ @electraheart-3174​​ @julialucena5 @itsmilamawson @harryssuckz​​ @harryssuckz​​ @xstarbae​ @xstarbae​​ @xstarbae​​ @peterbparkerrwrites​​   @averyfosterthoughts​​ @darethedragonknights​​  @hannahholland1811​​ @justanamesstuff​​ @emyla3305​​ @abbiefangirls247​​ @onewithnomightypowers​​ @itscaminow​​ @youllbemineandillbeyoursbabelove @hotrubycrab  @spidey-holland-96​​ @awkwardnesshabitat​​ @geminiparkers​​@primadonnasdream @slytherinambitious​​ @maybecharming​​ @where-art-thau-romeo​​ @viagracex​ @viagracex​​ @sspidermanss​​ @pcterparxer @whatevshollandarchive​​ @aleyabee​​ @aleyabee​​ @lovewolfspirit​​ @viagracex​​  @xallyouneedislovexx @panicattheeverywherekid​​  @pcterparxer @thehauntingofmymind​​ @redhoodparker​ @redhoodparker​​ @cakepopcriss​ @allthisfortommy​​ @aleyabee​​ @perspectiveparker​​ @let-me-luve-you​​ @xxpeachyxo​​ @m-a-r-i-n-t-p​​ @superstarchick​​ @notjustpenandpaper​​ @morbiddanvers​​ @runaway3​​ @runaway3​​ @runaway3​​  @lu-morningstar​​ @th0ttie4tommy​​ @riasaurusrex @riasaurusrex @frustratingpaperclip​​ @readheadwriter​​ @geesquariid​​ @noxceleste​​ @noxceleste​​   @peterparker-rickybowen-mybabies @witchything​ @peterporkpie​​ @bookworm06​​ @panicattheeverywherekid​​ @imthefloor @ohmyquackson​​ @seaveyheartful​​ @wangtan-boys​​ @obiwanownsmyass​​ @sadisticfries​​ @not-some-docile-teenager​​ @galaxystern08​​ @lovemarvelousfics​​ @tomzfrog​​ @calsthomas​​ @thearchersupremacy​​ @nikitajackson @dayazenn​​ @the-fandom-life-forever​​ @just-kickin-ass​​ @quaksonhehe​ @dummiesshort​​ @samaratheweirdo​​ @fr3akingphantrash​​

[hotchley]

masterlist

sumayyahwritesthings : my original writing blog. follow for my opinions, thoughts and non-cm related thing. also, to see my face!

the heartbreaker’s handbook : (my novel on wattpad!) eros academy is a school for nobles. where the children are split into heartbreakers and heartbroken and that title determines the rest of your life. tristan is a boy who wants nothing more than to fulfil his duty. camilla is a girl that wants to destroy everything he stands for. who survives?

fanfics

heavy is the head that wears the crown : (oneshot) six times aaron hotchner held it together and one time he didn’t

i’m not bulletproof : (oneshot) aaron hotchner has a bad day, but luckily, david rossi is there to remind him he is loved

hotchner’s hoodie: (oneshot) the story behind the blue hoodie everyone loves in @themetaphorgirl‘s patronsaint verse

the waiting game: (oneshot) hotch is the one that ends up in the hospital at the end of the fisher king. the team wait for him to wake up, and gideon thinks about the last time this happened.    the alternate ending (in response to a tumblr ask)

aaron: (multichapter, in progress) “some of us grow up to catch them.” aaron hotchner’s backstory, the cases that got to him the most and the episode dealing with all of this that we never got 

and he will come back home : (oneshot) six times out of many that aaron hotchner realised that we start and end with family because they love us, no matter what happens

i swear i lived : (oneshot) hotch thinks of the best memories that he made with the team in order to ground himself because they’re his family and whenever he thinks of them, the world seems a bit brighter    the alternate ending (in response to a tumblr ask)

forgiveness : (oneshot) after haley’s death, hotch finds himself in a church, but he doesn’t think that forgiveness should ever be granted to someone like him

those three stupid words : (oneshot) aaron hotchner has never been good at saying the words i love you, but sometimes his son needs to hear them. but what happens when hotch can’t?

mayhem : (oneshot) an alternate look at the season four premiere, in which kate and aaron’s roles are reversed and she’s the one trying to keep him alive as he bleeds out over the two of them    the alternate ending

do they even know : (oneshot) aaron is finally happy. with himself and in his relationship. but what happens when members of the team start receiving envelopes containing notes and photos exposing his darkest secrets and biggest fears, and all the evidence points to one person?

so why can’t you see (you belong with... each other?) : (multichapter, in progress) five times a member of the bau tried to set up mom and dad- hotch and rossi- and the one time someone succeeded part one, part two

the baby hotchner au

internal monologues : when they first see baby hotchner. featuring, the bau, jack, strauss and everybody’s favourite, grant anderson!

the first christmas : the bau celebrate christmas with baby hotchner. featuring: a tree, some angst and spencer reid being good with children as well as little hotch having an accent and just general fluff

random headcanons : just things that may or may not be turned into drabbles at some point in time

nicknames : just what everyone calls hotch 

emily and aaron : after a day at the park, emily carries hotch and looks like his mom

birthday : some headcanons about what happens on hotch’s 9th birthday, which is the first one he has with the team as a child

scolded : dave is annoyed at other things and accidentally snaps at hotch. tears are shed, fears are quashed and comfort is provided

misc : things that are tagged with the baby hotchner au but don’t necessarily warrant a whole link

drabbles

dad and mom : the bau celebrate father’s day with rossi and then mother’s day with hotch. just cute team fluff with a dash of hotch doubting whether or not the team love him

preparations : hotch was always prepared for jack to grow up without a father and that is what he had planned for. he’d never thought it’d be haley that was missing.

bitter relief : as the love of his life walked away, hotch was hit with a bitter relief that he would never even have the chance to become his father.

acceptance : hotch and haley in highschool. when hotch saves haley from being attacked, her father realises a few things

because no is a complete sentence : hotch teaches kid spencer that he’s always allowed to say no. written because @m0rcia is amazing and helped me get over my writer’s block

the thing about hotch and death : not entirely sure what this is, but the team think about hotch dying. so does jack. so does hotch.

a hotchniss thing : a random piece that may or may not be hotchniss that came from the scene in season three where emily told hotch that she needed to know she could be human

a grudge : years in the future, the child of an unsub aaron put away goes after the only family he has left (written in response to an ask)

seven : hotch and haley in highschool. when she goes to hug him from behind, she realises that she should have known better because she knows what his father is like

the love he deserves : aaron hotchner believes his life is expendable, but the lives of his team are indispensable. the team don’t agree, and they want him to understand that

cold : tomorrow he will act like nothing ever hurts him and he will pretend to be fine, and he will let everyone view him as cold, but tonight he will shed the armour that is hotch and let himself be aaron.

when death finally comes : hotch dies. that’s literally it.

healing 

a short thing about how each member of the bau helped hotch to heal after the events of 100

part one : spencer

the conversations series

basically just conversations that were robbed of on the show that live rent free in my head

the slave of duty- aaron and dave : after the end scene in the graveyard, dave takes aaron back to his apartment and they talk

headcanons

hotch’s tiktok 

teenage hotch/haley things 

how the team found out about hotchniss : scenario number one

random hotch ones

hotch and jack

happy 49th birthday aaron hotchner!

the bau as things i have done in school 

conversations that would happen if i was member of the bau : i’m a british gen z-er, so you know.

things the bau do to hotch (that just make sense)

the bau as taylor swift songs

things that happened when hotch first joined the bau 

some wholesome hotch ones 

hotch and singing

making hotch blush

some kinda terrible angsty hotchniss ones

cute hotch/rossi ones

how the bau find out about mortch

hotchniss love languages

hotch and morgan (platonically if you want) cuddling on the jet home

wholesome hotchniss 

dave and emily at jack’s school

hotch and jack at the archaeological museum

the taylor swift playlists for various cm ships things 

i’m going to be completely honest, i’m not sure this should be going on here, but i want it to so it is

hotchley

morehotchcontent2020 (hosted by @ablogofthecriminalmindsvariety)

day one: dad hotch : a lazy day with jack

day two: whump : held hostage/hurt on the job

day three: tooth rotting fluff : a cooking lesson/”i love you more.” “impossible.”

day four: family drama : an argument with jack

day five: kisses : counting kisses

day six: rocky relationship : missed anniversary/a big fight

day seven: sick fic : “i’m fine.” “you have a fever of 102, that’s not fine.”/tummy rub/fever

[bex-la-get]

Hi Bex! I'm being annoying and dropping some "newlywed" style questions for my favorite pairings. Of course I had to do Natalie and Ethan. The trick here is to answer these as them :)

For Both

Describe your partner in three words

Who was the most nervous on your first date

Who is messier?

Who is the better kisser?

Who is the most attractive? (Ethan, thread lightly lol)

For Natalie

What is Ethan's idea of the perfect date?

What song makes you think of Ethan and why?

How does he like his eggs cooked?

Describe the moment you knew you were in love with him.

What is Ethan's biggest fear?

For Ethan

Five things relating to the five sense that remind you of Natalie. Touch? Smell? Sight? Taste? Sound?

What has been the most difficult but defining moment in your relationship?

What is Natalie's ideal date with you?

Describe her using only emojis

What is her most used word or phrase?

Have fun!

Bree, baby, I love these questions!!! I'll do the best I can to answer as Nat and Ethan. (Also, you're never annoying. Please feel free to drop by anytime!) Alright, let's do this! Also: this is gonna be long. Brace yourself.

For Both:

Describe your partner in three words:

Ethan: Only three? Hmm: headstrong, brilliant, compassionate.

Nat: Aw! Thanks babe! Okay, let me think: grumpy, intelligent, and understanding.

Ethan: Grumpy? Really?

*Natalie just winks at him*

Who was the most nervous on your first date:

Nat: Ethan, definitely.

Ethan: *nods* Agreed. It was our first date as an official couple and I wanted things to go well.

Nat: It went beautifully; he took me on a picnic date at the Boston Common. It was very romantic.

*Ethan smiles at her*

Who is messier?

Ethan: Nat.

Nat: You didn't even hesitate. Rude! But also, he's right. Out of the two of us, he's way more organized.

Who is the better kisser?

Nat: *laughs* Oh, this is the best! Me, definitely.

Ethan: *raises an eyebrow* Oh, is that so? *leans over and places a soft kiss on her lips then pulls away* Actually, yeah, I'll agree to that.

Who is the most attractive? (Ethan, thread lightly lol)

Ethan: Natalie, no contest.

Nat: Aw. Well, I think you're pretty damn attractive yourself so we'll have to call this one a tie.

Ethan: *chuckles* Fair enough.

For Natalie:

What is Ethan's idea of the perfect date?

Nat: Ooh... Ethan loves going to museums and reading up on the history of the exhibits. So, I'd say going to a museum together and then getting lunch or dinner afterwards to discuss everything we saw.

What song makes you think of Ethan and why?

Nat: My Baby Just Cares for Me by Nina Simone. Ethan's a big classic music fan and Nina Simone is among his favorites. It's actually one of the few songs I've ever heard him sing along to as well; it's just a cute song about only having eyes for the person you love and I think both of us can relate to that.

How does he like his eggs cooked?

Nat: Poached, 'cause he's bougie like that.

*Ethan laughs in the background*

Describe the moment you knew you were in love with him.

Nat: *blows air through her lips* Wow. Hmm... it was when we were in Miami during my intern year. He had pretended to lose a poker game to Declan Nash in exchange for potentially life-saving information for Naveen. Watching someone I admired risk everything in an attempt to save the life of someone dear to him was an incredible thing to witness.

We shared our first kiss that night, you know. *she pauses in thought* That night changed a lot of things. I saw how far Ethan was willing to go for his patient. He changed from Dr. Ramsey to Ethan for me; we became a team that night. In our attempts to get Declan to give information about Panacea's trials, we found a rhythm and synced up. And I think in syncing together, we fell in love. Or, at least, I fell in love with him. I think he took a little longer to come to terms with it. *she chuckles*

What is Ethan's biggest fear?

Nat: *glances to Ethan in the background. He nods* Abandonment. There's a lot of residual trauma from Louise and it's caused him a lot of pain. He's working through it though with a professional; something I'm very proud of him for.

For Ethan:

Five things relating to the five sense that remind you of Natalie. Touch? Smell? Sight? Taste? Sound?

Ethan: Oh, wow. That's quite a question. For Touch... hmm... I suppose I'm just very sensitive to Nat's touch. She's a very physically affectionate person so she's always brushing her fingers against mine, touching my arm, a gentle hand on my back, things like that. I don't know if that answers the question but it's the best answer I can give.

For smell... Anything lavender or coffee smelling immediately reminds me of her. Nat loves lavender scented things-- even has a lavender scented perfume. She's also a big coffee drinker so anything related to those two scents remind me of her.

Sight? Easy; anyone with red hair. I always look for her whenever I see someone with red hair, even if I know she's nowhere near where I am. It's become a weird habit, really. *Natalie laughs in the background*

Taste... *he smirks* pomegranates. Nat has a chapstick in that flavor that I happen to be very partial to.

Sound... hmm... windchimes. She gifted me a set as a Christmas gift the first year we were together. I hung it outside on our patio so anytime I hear them now, I think of her.

What has been the most difficult but defining moment in your relationship?

Ethan: *he sighs* Again, that's... that's quite a question. Personally, I feel there's several but defining has to be when she was attacked in the assassination attempt. It made me realize how I truly felt about her; and how stupid I had been for pushing her away all those times before.

I nearly lost her that day; it still haunts me. I hate that it took her nearly dying for me to come to my senses but I'm grateful every day that she survived and wanted to be with me too. It was one of the hardest days of both of our lives, but I would say the outcome was one of the best things that could have happened.

What is Natalie's ideal date with you?

Ethan: *laughs* She really wants me to do laser tag. She hasn't convinced me yet but I'd say that would be her ideal date: laser tag and pizza.

Nat: *from the background* Does this mean you'll finally do it?!

Ethan: *he scrunches his face* No.

Nat: Lame!

*He laughs*

Describe her using only emojis

Ethan: Ugh, I hate these things but fine. 👩🏻‍⚕️😍💙🤩🍕👩🏻‍🦰🥰

Nat: *from the background* Aw, babe those are cute!

*He rolls his eyes but is smiling*

What is her most used word or phrase?

Ethan: She curses a lot, does that count? *he laughs*

A/N: Bree, these were so fun! Thanks for asking, babe! Hope you liked their answers!

[angst-fairygodmother]

Flowers ~ An Idiot (Affectionate) Story

A/N: I wanted to continue Ryne’s backstory, especially since my drabble really just raised more questions (and then y’all said you wanted it). Also, this is like super heavy topics, and I tried to tag them all, but please let me know if I missed any or need to make any tags clearer. Word Count: 1914 Rating: M - self-deprecation; discussion of: past emotional abuse, teacher/student (adult/minor) relationship; cheating; manipulation; canon-typical language

“Hey, can we talk?” Derek asked, leaning against her kitchen counter, folding his arms over his chest casually.

Ryne faltered, nearly dropping the bowl she’d been scrubbing. “About what?”

“...that guy. The one that had you sobbing a few days ago.” He flinched at his own bluntness, guilty but unsure how else to put it.

She sighed, setting down the soapy sponge and turning to him. “Yeah. I mean I guess, if you really want to know.”

“You haven't been you since. I’m worried.”

“What do you mean I haven’t been me?” she frowned, bewildered. 

“You’ve been distracted, grumpy, passing up opportunities to insult me even when I leave myself wide open.” He shrugged. “I’ll believe you if you tell me it’s nothing. But I wanna help, if you’re hurting. And I wanna know you, the good and the bad. Please?”

He was asking, but he meant what he said that it was up to her, and she knew that. It was strange, to be that in control, and stranger still, that she wanted to open up. 

She closed her eyes, taking a shuddering, steeling breath. 

“Lucas was...a teacher, not like a teacher-teacher, just someone my uncle knew who he paid to tutor me or whatever, push me further than school could. He was really set on getting me ready to be that whole Ivy League, MBA, 9 to 5 in a three-piece suit, bust my ass to climb the corporate ladder but never actually make it to the top because I have a vagina but hey it looks good for him because he raised me, bullshit.”

“You and Sean really are related,” Derek mused, shaking his head and earning a glare before motioning for her to continue.

“Anyway. He tutored me, and he listened to me, and pretended to give a shit, and told me that I was brilliant and beautiful and special.” She spat the word like it was poison. “No one had ever bothered before. The first time he kissed me was when I got my SAT scores back. And I thought, it didn’t matter that I was...I guess I hadn’t quite turned seventeen yet, or that he was twice that, because I was stupid, and I thought he actually loved me.”

“Ryne…” Derek murmured as he stared, aghast and furious. He knew what she was saying, but couldn’t wrap his head around it. That someone would, or could do something like that, could take advantage and play someone like that, or that she had ever believed, been made to believe, she was less than incredible.

“Lucas?” she called as she opened the front door and poked her head inside. “He-llooo?” 

When she was greeted by total silence in the apartment, she pouted. Sure, she was a little over an hour earlier than she expected to be getting to her boyfriend’s home, but that shouldn’t have been enough time that he wasn’t home. They hadn’t seen each other since the semester started so she had sort of expected him to meet her as soon as she walked in the door, or at least be waiting for her in the living room, but the place was empty.

“I’m just going to grab a quick shower,” she announced to the air, dropping her duffle bag on the couch to deal with later. 

As she passed the bedroom, she heard a sound that made her heart drop into her stomach. Slowly pushing the door opened, she tried to prepare herself for what she knew was on the other side. 

“Kathryn!” Lucas shouted, scrambling to sit up from where he lay tangled with two women in the sheets. 

“I...Lucas...what...why?” she stammered.

“What was I supposed to do Kathryn?” he snapped, glaring. “You weren’t here. I have needs.”

“I was at school for a month...and you didn’t say anything.”

“I shouldn’t need to. If you really cared about me, you’d understand that. You’d have come home on the weekends, or sent me a video. Taken care of me, instead of being so selfish.”

“We should go,” one of the girls said to the other, awkwardly shuffling around with a sheet pulled over her chest to find their clothes. 

The other leaned in, kissing Lucas on the cheek before realizing what she was doing. “I’ll...bye.”

Ryne stared with wide eyes at the scene unfolding before her. It was like something out of a bad dream. The first woman to have to have spoken patted her awkwardly on the shoulder as they scooted past. 

“I had school. I needed to focus, and I...you cheated on me…?” she said, eyes welling with tears. 

“No. Sweetie. It’s not cheating…” Lucas cooed, climbing out of bed and approaching her. “I swear it didn’t mean anything. I love you. I just needed a little relief. You understand don’t you? I’d so much rather it was you.”

He leaned down to kiss her and she turned her head away. Undeterred, his lips sought her neck and she found herself relaxing into his touch like she always did. 

“I really thought it was my fault. Somehow I believed that if I had just given him more, it wouldn’t have happened.” 

She laughed bitterly. Derek wanted to reach out and hold her, but something in her body language told him not to, not yet. It hurt him not to, but now that the floodgates had opened, he could see she needed to tell all of it, and that his comfort would just be getting in her way.

“I don’t even know how you give someone more than everything?” She looked at him, tears in her eyes and confusion on her face, like she was expecting an answer and he shook his head. 

“He begged me to move in with him so we’d have more time together. I convinced myself that whatever I’d done wrong, I could...fix...it. But I couldn’t. And then he was just cheating on me right under my nose, and trying to get me to do things I didn’t want to do. And making me feel like dog shit under his heel was worth more. And somehow, like a moron, I still believed he loved me.” She shook her head in disparagement.

“Hey, don’t do that. Shit. The only one you should be saying anything bad about is this douchebag, not yourself.” 

He decided to reach out anyway, taking her face gently between his hands and using his thumbs to brush away the tears running down her cheeks. 

“Come ‘ere.”

He drew her in, and she gratefully stepped into the protective bubble he formed just by being there next to her. She leaned against him, breathing deeply and taking comfort in his solid warmth. 

“So...you never said what brought you to Boston?” Ryne asked her aunt, tugging the sleeve of her winter coat down further over her wrists and palms.

“I came to see you,” Patty Falco responded flatly. “David told me where to find you. He said you dropped out of Brown?”

Ryne shrugged, staring out over the waterfront instead of meeting her eye. “I couldn’t handle it. I’ll go back…” It sounded unconvincing even to her own ears. “I just need to figure some stuff out first.”

“Stuff like that boyfriend of yours?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice how much older he was than you. Or his over-inflated self-importance. I was worried about you when you didn’t come out for Christmas. You haven’t missed it since you had the stomach flu when you were seven.”

“I know...Lucas didn’t want to go. He wasn’t ready to meet my whole family. We just stayed in and had a quiet holiday. I meant to call but…” 

She looked down, fiddling with her fingers. She didn’t want to lie to her aunt. But how could she admit the truth? How could she say that it had been her idea not to fly out to Portland because she’d want to never come back, because she knew as soon as her family met him they’d pick up on the fact that Lucas didn’t make her happy, if anything he did the opposite. 

“I’m not blind, Ryne.”

She turned her head sharply to look at Patty now, frowning.

“You’re miserable darling. You look exhausted and pale, and like you forgot what smiling is. You dropped out of school. I can list things til the cows come home, but I don’t need to when we both know it. Does he hit you?”

“Aunt Patty it’s not—”

“Don’t tell me it’s not that bad or not what I think. You know better than to lie to your elders. Answer the question.”

“No,” Ryne blinked back tears. “No. It’s all in my head. I’ve just been trying so hard...I...I just wanted him to love me again. If I change, if I do what he wants...”

“He’ll just keep pushing further. Men like that, people like that, aren’t happy until they’ve chipped away everything you are and reduced you to nothing, because it makes them feel powerful.”

“That’s all I’ve got left already.”

“No. It’s not. You have your family. He’s at work right now right?”

Ryne nodded hesitantly. “Yeah. He should have left about twenty minutes ago.”

“Good.” Patty stood up from the bench, holding a hand out for Ryne. “Let’s go.”

“I moved in with them, got my feet back under me, got a job. Reapplied to school, maxed out my summer classes to get back on track. I thought about giving up on higher education, but it just seemed like that was letting him take it all away, make everything pointless. I moved on, and I was...I was good. But seeing him again...it just...I thought I left that and him and everything behind. I haven’t been back, I barely talk to my uncle,” she sighed deeply, “and somehow that bastard still managed to...show up here, in my life.”

She sniffled and buried her face into his chest. He pressed a kiss to her temple and let her, both of them silent for a while.

“Does Sean know?” Derek asked eventually, hesitantly.

“No. He knows that something happened that fucked me up for a while, but not what. And he can’t. You know he gets all...protective or whatever. Even though there’s only a few months between us and I could probably take him in a fair fight.”

Derek laughed. “You don’t fight fair.”

“Yeah, but Sean does, and would believe me if I said I would too. That’s why I can take him.”

“I know some guys from the neighborhood, and we know where he lives now. If you want me to…”

“Derek, no. I just want to forget about it.”

“We could just go round and scare him a bit?”

“No.”

“Okay. Okay. What do you need then? What can I do?”

She shook her head softly, fondly. “You don’t even know how much you already do, do you?”

He gave her a puzzled look.

“I just need you to keep being you.”

“I don’t understand. But if that’s all you want, I think I can manage it,” he said with a half smile and a chuckle.

She tilted her head to look up at him. “And if I need a little more reassurance for a while...or say, more kisses…?”

He leaned down, not quite touching her. “I can definitely do that one.”

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 98

98

   It was weird to have slow weeks again with all the excitement Keith had brought into his life. Keith had called to update him on things in Platt which weren’t exactly good. A scuffle had broken out between three vampire clans, so Lotor, and his generals, were now calling VOLTRON home for the foreseeable future. Asking far too much over Lance for Keith’s comfort. Keith and Shiro were both back in with Blades after the failure of a mission, though Keith was two weeks out of loop, so he’d had to work extra time to catch up on everything he’d missed. Then the last two weeks August had seemed to disappear into thin air, without seeing Keith. Lance honestly didn’t know where they’d gone, only that they were wankers for leaving him without Keith for so long.

  Filled in far too much, Sendak seemed to be the cause of the recent vampire fighting. The four clans suffering heavy casualties, which meant pretty much every night hunters and Blades were on the look out of for potential vampires turning humans to bolster their numbers. Plus they had to deal with werewolves getting all uppity with their mangy noses out of joint. Two murders had made their way into the news, the reports on the details varied differently with between each printed news report. Someone had brought up the question of it being related to the theft he and Keith committed, with that particular story disappearing within 6 hours of making it to socials. The Blades could make anything disappear, maybe even him if they got sick of all these vampire drama. Lance didn’t envy Keith at all. He knew his boyfriend was working hard, even harder as he tried to avoid his approaching birthday weekend... despite how freakin’ long it was until their holiday. The broody anger loaf as as bad at him over birthdays. He could have easily pushed it to the back of his mind, but instead he wanted all the information and considered hiking it ahead of time so they wouldn’t get lost.

  Lance was working in his own way. Pidge found them a “case” a few towns over. Lance didn’t want to go. He felt wiped from his heat. Pidge had no pity for him after a “romantic week away”, Lance ending up going. Matt coming along for the night and succeeding in pissing off Pidge by explaining away phenomenons with science. He was kind of right. There wasn’t the feeling of death in the building despite its age, nor any annoying shadows to ignore. Hunk saved them all from Pidge’s bad mood by suggesting the turn the video into a “debunk” video for the watchers. It was nice to have part of his old life back. He felt as if things were finally settling down for the Garrison Trio, and that they’d worked past his whole “vampire” issue. A new video landed him a couple of new clients seeking advice, giving him a chance to feel helpful in a different way from tagging along because Lotor wanted it.

  Vegged out on the sofa, their new family member mooed loudly from outside. Yeah. They’d kept the damn cow. Three weeks seemed too long to now be going out and finding the owner seeing she hadn’t been reported missing. They’d even named her Kaltenecker. Blue wasn’t fond of her. Her Royal Highness was sulking as it was. She and Kosmo had gotten pretty close, Lance feeling she missed the hyperactive pup as much as he missed Keith. She’d tried to be friendly with Kaltenecker, but was out the moment Kalternecker’s long slobbery tongue passed over her head. He didn’t like to admit that he slept with one of Keith’s shirts over his pillow these days, because it felt kind of stalkerish and really rather lame. He couldn’t help that he slept better with Keith’s scent close to him, despite the fact he felt a 45 year old man should probably have grown out of nightmares long ago.

  Matt and Rieva both tried to help with his nightmares. Lance appreciated the thought, but his dreams had been so weird lately that he had no idea what to make of them. Sometimes they were about him being turned. Sometimes he’d turned Keith in them and they were having the weirdest adventures. He’d had one dream where he was pregnant and Keith was on a quest to find him shorts... though, the worst dream he’d had was when Nyma and Rolo had kidnapped Keith and he’d come home to find his boyfriend dead. It took calling Keith to calm him down from that one.

  There was also one big change in the house that made Lance happy. Curtis had moved back in. When he’d come to check on him at the hotel, they’d talked, entertaining the idea of finding an apartment in Platt, only to decide that it was more practical if Curtis lived there. It was nice to have him back. Curtis felt as lost as he did over not being able to be in the field with Keith and Shiro. Having found a home outside VOLTRON, where his curse wasn’t such a big deal, Lance fully supported Curtis moving in and having fresh air and freedom. Plus, it helped to have someone get as emotional over soap operas as he did. Matt forced to watch the pair of them make fools of themselves as they’d yell at the TV over the script.

  With Rieva at her waitressing job, Lance having cleaned through the house, and nothing much to do, Lance was curled up against Curtis, Christmas shopping for their friends group, and trying to ignore the feelings of anxiety that came with waiting for Keith to check in with him. Seeing he was giving Keith a twin set of blades for his birthday, Lance was facing he dilemma of “Did he buy Keith another blade” or “Should be he buy him camera equipment without knowing anything about cameras”. His boyfriend really did get excited at the idea of stabbing things... Maybe too excited so he shouldn’t give him a potential murder weapon?

  He could always gift Keith a voucher to a camera equipment store, but he didn’t want to spend too much on the voucher and have Keith feel guilty over the cost of the gift. He could probably pick up a vintage camera as a gift...

  Then again, he’d seen some amazing antique blades. As well as custom jobs that seemed to scream Keith’s name at him. It was hard containing himself. Huge gifts would be nice, he’d spoil Keith rotten for every single bad birthday memory he had, yet a heartfelt gift was worth more than spending thousands. That’s why he loved that he had a small selection of Keith’s photos. His photography so super personal that the vampire felt kind of honoured. He adored it. He adored the photos of them all, the photos of the caves, but his favourite was of Keith and Kosmo cuddled up together, even more so of the ones where he was kissing Keith’s cheek. Now he was missing his boyfriend again. God. Okay. No more swords. Time to move on to Shiro and who better to ask than his boyfriend?

  “Hey, Curtis. What are you getting Shiro for Christmas?”

“I’m not going through this again”

Tilting his head back, Lance frowned up at Curtis

“What does that mean?”

Curtis sighed at him

“It means Keith nearly had a mental breakdown trying to decide on your gift. I will not go through that again”

Lance blinked at him, a warm feeling in his belly that his boyfriend cared that much. He didn’t blame Curtis for not wanting to go through that again, a stressed Keith could be very bossy and uncooperative

“No, I’m being literal here. I don’t want to get him the same thing as you. I’m tossing up between getting Keith another blade, or some camera equipment. I thought I’d move onto Shiro”

“Oh. I was sure you were edging into asking what you should purchase for Keith. He was quite the wreck the morning of your birthday. 5 cups of coffee, all in different cups. Pacing nonstop. Freaking out because he hadn’t purchased a present and it had to be just right and in no way lame”

  Lance huffed at Curtis. He really wanted to call Keith now... Their camping trip seemed so long away... 52 days. Every day counting down was being marked off on his office calendar and his friend calendar

“I am trying not to think about how much I miss my boyfriend. What should I get Shiro?”

Shiro was filled with “Dad” vibes. Sometimes it felt he was the only mature one around them

“You could get us matching T-shirts. I’m with stupid pointing to him, and his saying “I am stupid””

“Dude, that seems more like something you should give him. Maybe I’ll skip him for now”

“You could get him an ugly sweater?”

Lance hummed. Shiro was a closet nerd. He’d seen the bobble head collection... and the movie collection...

“That could work. Maybe some socks to make it feel like a dad present. Thanks for the idea. What are you getting him?”

“I’m thinking I should get him an ugly sweater now”

Lance rolled his eyes

“That’s what you told me to get him”

“But it’s such a good idea. Why don’t we all get him ugly sweaters?”

“Because you’re the one who’s going to have to live with the consequences”

“I don’t mind”

“Fiiiiine. But you better gift him something else to make up for it, or he’s really going to think we don’t like him”

“I think I’ll manage. Why are you shopping now?”

“So it’s all out the way. Postage gets hectic around Christmas and if there’s going to be delays than I want the extra time”

  He was letting his age show. But with two months to go before everyone started going mental for Chris, he wanted things all organised so he didn’t have the last minute rush to deal with. He had his eye on a nice outdoor setting as his birthday gift to himself, a little late, but if he timed it right he couldn’t always say it was an early Christmas present. He wanted something bigger to fit them all comfortably, once he’d extended the brickwork... maybe built a pen for Kaltenecker... ohhh... Kaltenecker could have her own stall near the house. They could build a doggy training course for Kosmo... and Matt...

“Curtis, do you know anything about construction”

“Not particularly. Dismantling measures... Explosives. Survival measures”

“Do you want to try building a cow pen with me?”

“No. And you will not be building one either. Go back to your Christmas shopping”

  Lance pouted. Not liking being told not to do something. It wasn’t an ego thing. It was something he’d heard so many times in his life. No matter how good he’d been, he wasn’t good enough

“I did all the repairs on the house for like the most part, and things are still standing”

“So you did the electrics, the plumbing, reroofing...?”

Well... no. The walls had to come down to tackle the mould and... his ego didn’t like what Curtis was saying

“I pulled down the walls and replaced them once I got rid of the mould”

“Great. You broke stuff. Speaking of broken stuff, Matt and Rieva broke the bed again”

“I heard. Maybe it’s time to get them another bed for that room? Instead of two singles pushed together?”

“Weren’t they planning on moving out once their probation ended?”

“That’s beside the point...”

  He really liked having them there. Not just because he’d become friends with them, but for the added security of having two werewolves in the off chance of things going south

“You’re acting delusional. Maybe it’s the stress of Christmas shopping?”

“I’m not stressed. And before you ask, I’ve already ordered your present”

“I know. I’ve been on your laptop”

“Dude! Privacy! I’ve got confidential client... you’re an arsehole”

Curtis started laughing as he snapped at him

“You should have seen your face”

“You should see what I’m going to do to yours”

Curtis brushed his hair back from his horn

“It’s because I’m horny, isn’t it? You wouldn’t hit a horny man”

Lance choked on air. Curtis laughing at him as he spluttered. Part of Curtis’s Christmas present might have to go missing in revenge. Sulkily, Lance snapped his laptop closed. His friend was a dick. He was a raisin cookie pretending to be filled with chocolate goodness

“I’m going to go make lunch while you think about your actions”

And check in on Matt who was doing “Top Secret Research”

“Oh, good. Food and free entertainment. This really is the life”

[xserpentlife]

Intrigue

Requested: Anon - If I could make a Malachi x reader request if you write Ghoulies? Reader constantly getting into trouble at Riverdale high so she's sent to Southside High after being expelled. When moving to Southside she starts up her mischief again and catches the eyes of the Ghoulies. She gets taken to Malachai for spray painting Ghoulie terf at school and the reader and Malachai instantly click?

A/N: hope you like this!. I also decided to stop doing mood boards unless I have inspiration, forcing myself to make them for every story is pointless. Also, be sure to send in requests because mine are open. 

Word Count: about 1890

*Flashback*

“Look principle Honey, I didn't mean to…”

“Didn’t mean to what Y/N? Dye Briane’s hair blue with her shampoo?”

“Hey, not my fault she stole it out of my shower bag” In reality, it was your fault you hated Briane, a girl constantly causing trouble for anyone she came into contact with. You wanted payback. Payback for the way she talked about your friends, and family. So you played a helpless prank on her, and you got in trouble.

“You still did it on purpose Ms. Y/N”

“And you are proving that how…”

“Ms. Y/N some respect please”

“Mr. Honey, you are talking about respect here when you have none for me. I did nothing wrong to Briane. You are siding with her because of our past. Because she is from the rich side of the North. Years I have been bullied by her and not once did I punch or cause blood, because I am way more of a decent human being then she is, I did nothing wrong Mr. Honey”

“Fine Ms.Y/N I will call it at a draw and you will both have 2 nights of detention” You smiled to yourself. “However, you are on very, very thin ice considering you were just here a week ago for allegedly replacing the dead frogs with live ones in last weeks biology classes.”

“Mr. Honey…”

“No Ms. Y/N like I said thin ice do you understand”

“Yes sir I do”

“Good now get out of my office”

*Flashback Ended*

“For weeks now you had been warned daily of the thin ice you were on with Mr. Honey, but you kept your distance and your cool. You needed school, needed it to get out of riverdale and not have to deal with the treacherous town. You may have done all those things, but they were innocent pranks to only get back at the ones that wronged you. You needed to defend your turf, it was what you were always taught before your parents passed. Your grandmother engraving into your brain that you needed to protect yourself before protecting others.

School had been a hassle, every teacher constantly watching every move you made. Every student trying to get you out. No one at riverdale ever liked you, they always saw you as the problem child. The one who dressed in dark clothes, and caused trouble, but none of them knew you at all, or had been through or known the things that you have. You went by your day to day after the incident with Mr. Honey, trying to stay out of trouble as possible. You got a detention for not doing homework, but you never got in real trouble. That was until science lab 3rd period two weeks into your thin ice warning. You were paired up with Briane, for an experiment where a cloud of white would rise when the chemicals were combined. You were in charge of the base and she was in charge of the reactant. However, as soon as you looked away to wipe your hands off for safety she poured the entire bottle of reactant in before screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Briane! You are interrupting the other students what is the meaning of this”

“Y/N, Ms. Murphy Y/N put the entire bottle into the mixture” You turned around stunned, you hadn’t even been looking when she did it, and then you saw the bubbles arise and begin to pour over the smoke filling the air”

“Everyone out of the classroom this instant, we will have to have it cleared for safety. Ms. Y/Nand Ms. Briane come to the principal's office with me at once!”

“Mr. Honey before you say anything I didn’t do it, I swear on my life, I was washing my hands when it happened, I wasn't even paying attention”

“Ms. Briane would you like to say your side”

“Oh yes Mr. Honey thank you so much. Well I was minding my business writing down our lab results of the temperature because I had poured the base, and when I looked up Y/N was pouring the whole jar in, I tried to stop her but she just kept pouring and then I screamed because I was scared and Ms. Murphy came over. Oh gosh, I don’t know why she would ever think to do that if we had more harmful chemicals we all could have died!”

“Everything will be fine Ms. Briane, you can leave my office now”

“Thank you, sir”

“Now Ms. Y/N”

“Mr. Honey, I promise I didn’t do it”

“Well it seems there are other stories at play here, and in our previous meeting, I told you, thin ice. I have decided to transfer you to Southside High”

“No Mr. honey please!”

“It is out of my hands Ms. Y/N”

“No it is literally in your hands, you incompetent piece of shit, You know what. I am fucking glad that I am not going to be a part of this pretentious north siders can do no wrong school. Good riddens, asshole!”

“Ms...”

“Shut up, I’m grabbing my stuff and you’ll never see me again, and you know what I am sooo glad I don’t have to look at your stupid face ever again”

You left the school on a bad note but did it really matter when you were going to a school that barely had programs let alone taught the kids what they needed to know. It was as if your entire world crashed down. Your grades would decrease, your barely existent social life would now diminish completely, and most of all your mindset. You gave up on being the girl that was good at school, but bad on the outside.

You started not caring, picked up art. Learned how to tag and make it so your print was known enough to be you but not to be identified in your other works. You praised your art teacher and got very close with her very quickly. You confided in her, she herself was a student at Riverdale high at one point, kicked out because she lived on the southside and they found out. You related with her in a way you hadn’t with anyone else, but that didn’t stop you from doing way worse things than shit Riverdale high could ever fathom.

When you first got to southside high you completely painted your locker, not crazy but definitely not allowed. You took money from people, yeah you never spent any of it, actually put it in for charity collections, not that anyone knew that. Everyone knew you as the new kid, that just did bad shit. No one knew why no one knew your background or history and no one cared to know one bit. You liked it that way, you enjoyed the animosity. You then moved from the school to walk around the town after ditching for the day. You luckily still live in the house your parents had once owned on the northside, now it looked like a rundown abandoned building on the outside, guess that matched the way your life was turning. You tagged the entire gas station, then the park moving up the hills and down the valleys tagging everything in your sight. Art was your outlet and the southside, your canvas. You had no idea you caught the eyes of a gang called the ghoulies. You didn’t know the turfs, or the sides, you were just a visitor in a town with many rules and regulations you had no idea about. You made a mistake tagging the run-down building on the corner, officially in ghoulie territory. But no one had caused you trouble before, so you were not expecting to turn around and find 5 men and women around in black studded jackets.

“Hello…”

“NO bitch tagging our turf who the fuck are you”

“Wait… your turf?”

‘Yes, this is Ghoulie territory and we are taking you to the king” You had no idea what they were talking about, you felt a bang against the back of your head before you were out cold. You woke up slowly words being heard around you your vision slowly clearing from the blurriness

“Spraying our turf huh doll?” You have seen this guy, seen him around the school more often than you like to admit. He always seemed to be where you were, lurking around corners, and tagging his own spots how he would like, but you never said a word to him, your rule of keeping to yourself always in the back of your mind. You knew of the ghoulies enough to know people on the northside were afraid, but in reality, them all standing in front of you, they were no scarier than a group of 3-year-old children.

“What...? Just figured I'd have a little fun, turns out your ghoulies are a lot less scary than people think. Oh, y/n by the way and you are ...”

“Malachai... a lot scarier than people think, nice to meet you doll, boys let her go, and leave the room, I’ll deal with her”

“Deal with me, I like the sound of that” You were let go, dropped to the ground, as Malachai ushered the men out of the room. You got up finding a chair and putting your feet up and onto his desk that resided in the back of the room.

“Off”

“What? The big bad ghoulie is a germaphobe”

“Nah I just like shiny things, and you doll are currently on my radar” He swiped your feet off the desk before plotting on top.

“So what are you gonna do to me dear king?”

“Talk”

“Talk…”

“You are an enigma Y/N, I want to get to know you”

“No one ever does… what do you want from me?”

“Like I said you intrigue me, I just want to get to know who you are. We are… similar”

“I’m not sure we are…”

“Stay here…”

“Alright” Malachai came back with a photobook, a photo book that once we started flipping through you realized it was him, a boy living on the northside. A boy in a big house on cherry street, with a mother and father, and sister. Grandparents, Christmas parties and… then it was taken from you.

“You’re from the northside?

“Like I said we are similar”

“How did you know I am from the northside”

“Lucky guess I’d say”

“And you… lived there?” “There are a lot of things people don’t know about me, like I said we are similar Y/N”

“I wanna know how”

“Guess you’ll have to stay to find out”

“Apparently so”

[maitre-kuroneko]

Top 10 of the 2010′s

I was tagged by @joi-in-the-tardis list off my Top Ten of the 2010′s, and as usual it took me forever to do it ^^;

I’ll begin with a warning: I was in a really dark place at the beginning of the decade. For too many years, I was already locked in a constant dark mood that I later identified as depression, that huge monster really has it claws deeply on me and was slowly instilling suicide ideation. I honestly could not project myself in the future because, “if life was already as it is now, these years all adults around were in the opinion shall be my best ones, why live to see the rest?”. I was convinced it would be endless suffering and something was bound to happen before I turned thirty. I tried not to focus on this because obviously this post is supposed to be about accomplishments, but I’m bound to mention it in a few points:

My student life came to an end… and it was a struggle, I still don’t know how I managed to juggle all the learning, multiple reports and the hellish study trip to Africa while having a massive depression with suicide ideation. In the end, I had my diploma but I was a very average student, had next to no relation with my fellow students – who (except two girls, and even them I kept absolutely no contact with afterwards) did not understand me and wanted nothing to do with me. As soon as all exams were over I got the hell out of here and only came back to fetch my diploma (and it took me nearly a year). But the thing is: I did it. It took me a year more than it should have but against every odds, sleepless nights and breakdowns, I did it, out of sheer stubbornness.

I had my first jobs: hello my social anxieties… you were really a drag for this step. Sending applications? That’s alright. Anxiously waiting for someone to call me back? Go to an interview? Do a job with a lot of interaction with people? Urrrrgh… I remember my first days as a cashier: a lot of blushing, sweating and a long internal litany of “don’t forget to raise your voice, don’t stutter…” My first days on the phone? “oh thank gods there’s a script to follow”, said she, while shaking. When I left, after two years on the job, my manager said I was the best example of a shy, nearly silent person who turned out to be a good employee… (but they still didn’t want me back – ahah). Working did so much to quell my stuttering and general anxiety at randomly talking to strangers. 

I fell in love: it did morph into a huge toxic mess and it took me months, if not years, to disentangle myself from it all BUT I’ll never throw it away because it saved my life: when I was travelling through the darkest part of my life, thinking seriously about ending it all, that man came and loved me, broken pieces and all. It proved me there was something loveable about me, even if most people would say I’m cold, unexpressive, terribly awkward and haughty, there would be people to see past all this.

I left my parent’s house: another struggle… it took time partly because landlords were not interested renting their place to a part time worker, and partly because I was very afraid to live alone. I firmly believe that part of my depression was manageable because there were people around me I had to pretend to be – mostly - alright for. Pretend comprised: eat at least a full meal a day, make jokes and go to school. People, even people who didn’t know or didn’t want to see my mental state or whom it was really hard to live with were still part of my survival plan: what would happen without them? But it was just becoming too difficult to live with anybody, I’m just a bear wanting to be left alone, I can’t be nice and sunny as soon as I leave my bed but people kept insisting talking to me at an unreasonable volume. From the day I moved… it was a liberation, and my depression bouts turned out to be way easier to navigate when I was not under scrutiny. If I want to stay silent and not use facial expressions all week-end I can do so and, wow, all the spoons I have on Mondays. My relationship with my dad is so much better since we don’t see each other every day.

I learned I didn’t need someone to do things: no one wants to go with me on conventions, concerts or simply to the movies? Do it with yourself girl! That’s basically what I said to myself after being disappointed at missing too many events – and I discovered it was ok. Very ok. I still can’t manage things far from home (that would require a night or two in a hotel), or eating alone at a restaurant, but maybe I just need some more years to achieve this.

I travelled : no big journeys around the world but I live in a country with a large variety of reliefs and flora, near oceans and seas, so I managed to have some nice vacations, mostly with family but I also traveled alone by train, which was a big no-no ten years ago ^^;

I asked for help and followed a very informal therapy, just having someone listening without judgment can be a huge improvement to one’s mental state and self-esteem, which leads to… 

I made peace with myself: most people find me weird, inadequate, have no problem drifting away and never speak to me again. So what? Is it telling something about me or about them? If what they perceive is not attractive, does it mean I’m not interesting or undeserving of having a good life?

I became a vegetarian: for a long time, to evade hypothetical remarks and bad jokes, I entertained the somewhat weird idea I could put aside meat and fish at home and eat normally at people’s places… it didn’t work. This diet was ridiculously easy to adopt once I was living alone, then I began to be sick, mentally and physically, after eating anywhere else: my stomach was rebelling against the food it was not used to ingest anymore (the last Christmas I ate meat I was sick for three days afterwards. GREAT) and my mind clearly did not agree with the paradox of abstaining because of my principles but then throw them away just to please disrespectful others. After two years of this I took the leap and stopped completely, I lost the count for how long (three years?) and, despite the jokes and unwelcomed opinion, I live way better with myself, which is the most important thing. You only live partly with others but 24/7 with yourself.

I tried: better failure than regret. It may be a weird accomplishment but it takes me so many time (hello again anxiety) to dare doing new things that every failure means a prior victory anyway – I tried zumba, Aikido, Qi Gong, to learn guitar, to mend things with friends, to make new ones, I went in search of companionship, I tried to buy my own flat. Every failure can be more or less depressing but can also give a better understanding of oneself and of circumstances, of what can be accomplished in the future.  

It took me weeks to write this, first because my initial reaction at being tagged was “I’ve not accomplished anything a thirty-something person is supposed to have”, oh dear. Before my stupid anxieties over everything took the better of me I decided the best course of action would be to just do the thing, prove to the low self-esteem part of my brain it’s not because one does not reach society’s expectations that they do nothing. Obviously, time was needed to dig up ten accomplishments I’d want to kind of brag about, and then some more to find a way not to morph something supposed to be light into the boo-boo story of my life. Let’s say this post simmered in the background for a while. Ten years ago, I’ve already been a pessimist for a long time, joy and simple pleasures squashed by bullies and my general lack of social skills, I ended basking so much in the negativity I forgot there could be nice things in life.   With all the gloom I’ve been experiencing in the last few months I needed to remember my “lowest of the lows” and all that was accomplished to evolve into a more optimistic version of myself. Work is still in progress and people are often puzzled over my ability to joke about past me and present problems (if I don’t the alternative is complaining, if I complain I’m doomed, got it?), which might be contributing to that weird image they have of me but – meh. Don’t care.

I’m ace, I’m bi, I’m poly, maybe aspie, a bookworm and serievore, sometimes a gamer, a lover of imaginary worlds, a cat person without a cat, a great hugger without people to hug. Nice to meet you.

[noradarhkpalmer]

go elf yourself

Title: go elf yourself

Rating: PG

Pairing: Nora Darhk/Ray Palmer aka Darhkatom

Warnings: None

Summary/Notes: Nora Darhk pulls out her elf costume every year to get her through the holidays, this Christmas though, she meets a special person who could help change her life for the better. (Modern AU)

Day one of the 2019 edition of 25 days of Darhkatom! Feel free to click the through the tag to see last year’s! Basically, like last year, I will be posting all loosely related (unless stated otherwise) fics for 25 days straight!

ao3 link: here

Nora was starting to feel like her ‘starving artist’ motif was getting old. This realization would’ve been much to her parents chagrin, god rest their souls. She’d done a lot of odd jobs to pick up extra cash: dog walker, Swyft driver, and now that the Christmas season was upon them: she was pulling out that damn elf costume. Sure she’d broken it in enough that it was no longer itchy and she loved seeing the kids light up at meeting Santa, yeah, but she didn’t like when the parents would force their kids for a dumb picture they wouldn’t remember, and pay, honestly in her opinion, far too much for one stupid picture.

But it would pay her bills until the new year, combined with watching her friends John and Gary’s cat, Cleo, while they honeymooned in the Swiss Alps, and that’s all that mattered.

Nora shuffled into the mall and listened to her boss debrief yeah yeah yeah there’d be two Santas this year because of pay cuts it was cheaper to pay two at less hours than one for all. Nora stopped listening and re-familiarized herself with the camera, she wished she had enough money to spare for even a basic model of one of those, her hands itching to get back into photography full time.

Finally after redundant training, the workshop was open. Kids and parents lined up to see Santa, an older gentleman who’d done the job for years. She went through the motions for a full two hours until she heard her name.

“NORA! You’re back again this year!”

Nora smiled cordially at her friend Mona who did this job every winter she had. “I am!”

“I’m so excited!” Mona bounced up and down, the jingle bells on her outfit bouncing with her.

“Could you go excitedly redirect the line?”

Mona nodded and sets off getting the line in order.

There’s a full week of this routine before Nora’s life completely changed.

“UNCLE RAY!!! Cmon!!! Santa’s gonna leave before we get to the front!” Nora heard a boy’s voice whine. She looked up to see through the crowd, a boy no older than six tugging on the arm of a man she couldn’t see.

“Yeah uncle Ray! Mom and dad always get here waaaaayyyy earlier!” Another whined.

Nora rolled her eyes and got back to work, at least when the boys get to the front they won’t be pitching a fit about seeing Santa.

It’s about a half hour later when she spotted them and looked up at the face of their Uncle Ray.

And holy mother of baby Jesus, this Uncle Ray is what she’d like to unwrap come Christmas morning.

“Can they get pictures individually and together? Their parents usually do that.”

Nora nodded, vaguely recognizing the boys from years past. “Sure thing.”

The boys scurried up to Santa as Mona animatedly explained the packages to Uncle Ray. Nora instructed the boys accordingly to get individual and then a shot with the two of them.

“This job seems like fun.” Ray said, and Nora realizes, to her.

“Umm yeah I guess! Lines can get a little nuts but Mona is super helpful.”

“Are you always behind the camera.”

“Most of the shift but sometimes Mona is.”

“So they allow you to take breaks? Have lunch?”

“Yeah what do you think we aren’t allowed to sit down our whole shift?”

“No…”

“This job is a lot harder when the pictures don’t sync, when the camera malfunctions, I have to exhaust all options before calling IT or else I’m in hot water. This is a complex job. It’s hard wrangling kids, making them look at the camera, and parents aren’t always nice and neither are the kids.”

“Lady I’m sorry I didn’t…”

“You didn’t think yeah, please take your nephews if you’re not gonna get a package and go elf yourself alright?”

Ray tried to hide a laugh.

“What?” Nora asked with the threat level of an angry bunny.

“An elf is telling me to go elf myself. It’s just funny.”

“Funny?”

Ray can’t stop laughing and Nora realized how ridiculous this whole thing is. She’s burned out from snapping pictures and asks Mona to switch out so she can go on a break. She shuffled with her tinsel between her legs over to Ray once the boys have their photos.

“I’m sorry I snapped.”

“It’s okay. Even elves have their limits.”

Nora glared.

“Sorry last elf joke!”

“Did your nephews enjoy themselves?”

The boys flanking Ray nodded. “Yeah especially when you yelled at Uncle Ray it was really funny!”

Nora’s cheeks flushed red. “Oh umm well.”

“Do it again!”

Nora shook her head. “Sorry boys I try to not lose my temper.”

“Awwwww.” They whined.

“Do elves take hot cocoa breaks?”

Nora looked up at him and Ray retracts.

“Okay that was the last one, sorry it was my lame attempt at asking you out.”

The boys next to them gasped and cover their mouth in scandal and Nora smiled. “As long as you don’t mind that I put caramel drizzle on top.”

“Not at all.”

xxxx

It’s a few days later that Nora finally works a shift with the new Santa. She eyed him, he’s clearly wearing a fake beard, so he’s not old enough to sport the natural face hair of a Santa. She nudged Mona.

“What’s this Santa’s deal?”

“Oh he’s super nice! I haven’t talked to him much but he’s really nice.”

“Why did they hire a young Santa?”

“Most of the kids can’t tell and the ones that do we tell Santa shaved his beard but didn’t want to scare the kiddos.”

Nora eyed her in suspicion. When there’s a break in the day she shuffled over to Santa. She checked her phone, noting no text from Ray. After she’d formally introduced herself over cocoa with him and his nephews, they had exchanged numbers. They’d been texting non stop but today? Silence.

Nora sighed and Santa patted the space next to him. She slumped down.

“Ho ho ho, my elf, what’s got you so blue this Christmas? Is it something a wish to Santa can fix?”

Nora smiled and stared down at her lap. “I don’t know if you can fix this one, Santa, I’m just missing someone which is silly because I haven’t known them for very long.”

“A person can mean everything to you in a matter of days. And that’s quite alright.”

“I think he’s some big tech higher up, I’m just a loser artist, I don’t have a shot in…” she looked around at the passing children, “heck.”

Santa belly laughs again and pats her leg. “I think I can work some of my Santa magic for you, my dear, just you wait.”

She only had to wait a few more hours, after the mall closed. She cashed out the drawers when she heard someone behind her.

“We just closed for the night Santa will be back tomorrow.”

“I’m actually looking for the cutest elf in Santa’s workshop.”

Nora smiled wide, hearing Ray’s voice, she turned around and her breath left her. There he stood, half dressed in a Santa suit, holding his hat and beard in his hand. “You’re the other Santa? Why? Aren’t you like stupid rich?”

“I’m doing this for free so the other Santa who is getting up there in age, can have days off so it’s better on his joints. He gets all my pay though.”

Nora gasped. “Ray… so wait that means you heard…”

“You talking about missing me? Sorry I ran late this morning and well I was doing this all day.”

Nora nodded. “Right yeah… gosh I feel like such an idiot.”

“Don’t.” Ray takes her hand. “Don’t feel like an idiot because I’ve been missing you.”

“Well I’ve been right here all day.”

“But I haven’t been able to do this.” Ray cupped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her softly.

Nora smiled after the kiss breaks. “Is Santa allowed to kiss one of his elves?”

Ray rolled his eyes playfully. “I can stop.”

“Don’t you dare.” Nora poked him in the chest.

“I’m gonna make this the best Christmas you’ve ever had.”

“So does that mean you’re like one-up yourself every Christmas?”

Ray playfully dipped her. “You bet your ass I will.”

Two Years Later

“Did you set the timer?”

“Of course I did what kind of photographer do you think I am?” Nora rushed back over to her family and pulled Tori into her lap so she’s sitting between her and Ray. The baby clapped happily as Nora gently bounced her, counting down until the very last second and stopping so they get a good picture. Nora went to the camera and played back the pictures, they finally got a good one! Nora waved Ray over with Tori in his arms and smiles.

“Looks great, babe.” Ray kissed the top of her head. Nora took their one year old in her arms and kissed Ray properly.

“Thanks, think it’s good enough to use for the website?”

“Absolutely. Have I told you how proud I am of you?”

“Mmmm not today.”

“Well I’m so incredibly proud of you. You’ve come so far.”

“And managed to grow two humans while running a photography business!”

“Nora, we only have one… wait… are you saying…” Ray’s eyes grew wide.

Nora grinned and nodded. “I know you like to one up on Christmas but I couldn’t help myself. Apparently neither could you.” She elbowed him playfully.

“I love you. So much.” Ray kissed her and Tori fussed between them.

“Aww don’t like mama kissing Santa Claus, baby girl?” Nora kissed all over Tori’s face instead, making the girl giggle. “Gonna be a big sister!”

“Does this mean we can do family photos next year with us as Santa and Mrs. Claus and them as tiny elves?”

Nora let out a small laugh. “Sure babe. Why not.”

“Good cause they can’t know Santa fell in love with an elf. Might ruin his street cred.” Ray grinned cheekily.

Nora elbowed him again. “Oh go elf yourself.”

[let-it-raines]

Betting on the Bullseye (Part 2)

Summary: Emma Swan loses a bet that means she has to ask her celebrity crush to be her date to her office's annual fundraising gala. Killian Jones is that celebrity crush. She expects all kinds of humiliation and for her dignity to be completely lost. What she doesn't expect is for him to say yes.

Rating: Mature:

A/N: Hey, hey, hey! This is back with more words, very few of which are Christmas-related like the original. We’re slowing down a bit - but still going pretty fast in my feeble attempt to keep this in five (it was four lol) parts - moving into a bit more realism (if you can call it that), and seeing what happens after that video bet date. Double line break means change in POV.

Entire story found on ao3: beginning | current

Tumblr: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Tag list: @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @kmomof4 @wellhellotragic @ekr032-blog-blog @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615  @mayquita @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma 

Killian flies back to Los Angeles before noon, but he leaves her apartment at a little past nine, his dress shirt ruffled almost as much as his hair, the black strands sticking up in a million directions.

It’s, well, it’s awkward.

Really, really awkward.

After texting Ruby back, promising to call her later to give all of the details – or really to take away from all of the details that Ruby has most likely crafted in that mind of hers – she gently shook Killian awake, shaking him until his eyelids fluttered open to reveal tired blue eyes that blew wide when he saw her. For a moment, she thought he was shocked, like he had no idea where he was, and maybe he didn’t. If she woke up in a strange place with someone she barely knew – okay, so maybe she has a little experience in that area – she’d likely scream or get the hell out of there. But Killian had simply rubbed his eyes before mumbling a g’morning, love to her.

He hadn’t had much time to talk, none really, jumping around her messy shack of an apartment putting his shoes on and using her mouthwash as an impromptu replacement for a toothbrush while she made him a cup of coffee. She’d meant to tell him about the photos Ruby had sent her, the ones that had caused her heart to race for more reasons than one, but they slipped her mind as he practically ran out the door with a smile and the smallest of waves accompanied by words she barely remembers.

And with her favorite travel mug.

It had swans on it.

A heavy weight settled in her stomach, something entirely unfamiliar, and all she could think about was how stupid she was. What the hell was she doing kissing Killian Jones? A man who lives across the country from her, a man who she barely knows and will never see again, and a man who has a face that the world recognizes. There are damn pictures of them. And maybe the video of her asking him out on a date won’t haunt her forever, but paparazzi pictures of them kissing sure as hell will.

Killian’s a good guy. She knows this. Something in her gut tells her that he wasn’t acting last night, so there’s no way he simply kissed her out of obligation or to tease her, right? He had to mean it. There had to be…feelings involved.

Maybe it was just a one-time (or two-time) thing.

After all, how can you really have feelings for someone after one night?

You can’t, or maybe you can, but she shouldn’t feel like an anchor has rooted itself in her stomach.

In all honesty, she feels a bit used, which is ridiculous. If anything, she used Killian. Well, no. She didn’t use him. She lost a bet and asked him to be her date. But then she used that date and his high profile to help raise money for charity. So she used him for charity? Does that even count? Does any of this count?

Fuck, she has no idea what’s going on or how to feel. Confusion is pretty much all she understands right now…and she barely understands that.

Killian Jones isn’t exactly high on her list right now when he’d been at the very top less than ten hours ago.

She doesn’t even have a way to contact him besides his agent’s number. Would he even want that? Would she even want that? Was it just that one-time thing that she tricked herself into thinking otherwise? Does he go around kissing all of the girls he goes on video bet dates with? God, even in her head that sounds absolutely ridiculous.

Sighing, she tries to forget about it, stripping out of her jumpsuit and hopping into the shower, letting the hot water wash over her, her mascara dripping down her face and her foundation smearing as she wipes it on the towel, having foolishly grabbed a white one instead of the dark blue ones where the stains are easier to hide or wash away. It looks like a clown fell into the towel, and that alone causes her to giggle, her body lightening the slightest bit. She’s being overdramatic and frankly a bit ridiculous, and even though it nags at her for the rest of her shower, it’s nagging from somewhere in the back.

It was a date that’s not going to have a follow-up. She’s had more of those than she can count, and even if this date was a business deal and with Killian Jones, he’s still just a guy. She wouldn’t get this worked up for anyone else. She hasn’t in a long time, and she doesn’t plan on it happening anytime soon.

Emma goes about her day as normal, puttering around the apartment cleaning and completely and totally ignoring her phone even as it occasionally vibrates from its perch on the kitchen counter.

It’s a little past eight in the evening when she caves in her goal of not looking at her phone, and it’s really only because she’s on her second glass of wine. Nevertheless, she settles on a barstool, one hand holding her wine, the liquid sloshing around, and the other thumbing through her phone.

There are a few texts from Ruby, most of them more details from Ruby’s night outside of the time she spent with she and Killian – apparently, she met a super nice girl at the gala and has a date with her Friday night. The other notifications are mostly from her boss, emails and financial details about how successful they were last night. She responds to those first, making sure that everything she types is as professional as possible, before going through the rest of her phone. She has a few missed calls, numbers that look like scam or telemarketers, and she quickly deletes those. After all of those little red notifications go away, she moves to the couch, flopping down and holding her phone above her chest as she scrolls through Instagram.

Everything’s normal, just her usual friends and people she met, like, once in college that somehow found her and decided she was worth a follow so she followed them back, until she gets to a picture of a coffee mug…with swans on it…sitting on the tray table of an airplane seat along with a stack of papers with a blacked-out title that looks like some kind of thick script.

KillianJonesOfficial: Boston > L.A. with a souvenir not sold in stores and a little light reading over a secret project I can’t wait to share with you guys!

She can’t help the smile that blooms on her face, her body doing a little dance even though she’s still a little pissed that he stole her mug and at the whole way that he kind of ditched her this morning. But her alcohol tolerance is lower than it used to be, and her glasses of wine were a little bit on the larger side. She likes the photo, scrolling down and commenting even though she knows that he won’t see it.

Yeah, so she’s definitely a lightweight and the tiniest bit inebriated.

Emma710Swan: Hey thief, I want my mug back. It’s apparently not sold in stores, so I don’t know what I’m going to do to get another one.

She doesn’t think anything of her comment until she wakes up the next morning with so many notifications on her home screen that her phone doesn’t even show them all. They’re all from Instagram, and when she logs on, she sees that she has hundreds of replies to her comment on Killian’s post as well as thousands of follower requests. She doesn’t…she doesn’t know what to do with all of this information, especially when she accidentally clicks on the popular page and sees all of those paparazzi photos of she and Killian plastered across her screen. She knew they existed, wasn’t really thatbothered by it, but suddenly she’s facing the reality of this whole thing.

Her life is public knowledge now, pictures of her kissing someone far too famous for anyone’s well-being all across the internet. She can’t stop looking, continuously scrolling and seeing more pictures from the gala everywhere, different filters and captions and all things she wasn’t prepared to see.

“Oh God,” she mumbles when a few hateful messages pop up. She can’t look at those, no matter how much she wants to, and she throws her phone across the bed, letting it bounce on the mattress until it falls to the floor. “This is so, so not good.”

Her office phone rings, the shrill sound something she’s tired of hearing over the past few days as it’s been going off non-stop. She’s had to become a hermit in her own life, something she never thought would happen after simply kissing a guy. Okay, so she’s boarded herself away after going on dates before, but that’s because she’s either been heartbroken or too pissed off to want to do anything. But this was one date, a thing that was really more of a business arrangement that happened to end up with her actually having a good time, and it’s wreaking more havoc on her life than any of the heartbreaks in her past.

Well, Neal was pretty fucked up, but she tries to push that to the back of her mind, somewhere under piles of much better things that didn’t break her so damn much.

She hasn’t even heard from Killian again, and maybe that’s what’s making her feel so bitter still. Was it all some kind of game to him? Why the hell does she still care? She needs to get over it.  

“What?” she groans into the phone, her tone so harsh that she cringes knowing it’s probably her boss calling with the luck that she has.

“Swan?”

Oh.

That’s not her boss. That’s Killian.

Fuck.

All she’s wanted was for him to call, and now it’s taking every ounce of strength in her body not to hang up on him. Maybe it’s curiosity that keeps her from hanging up, or maybe it’s a bit of hope that she hasn’t been going crazy the past few days for nothing.

“What do you want, Killian?”

“Love, I’ve been trying to call you for days, but you haven’t answered your cell phone. Or your office phone.”

“But what do you want?” she hisses, propping her phone between her cheek and her shoulders as she crosses her arms over her chest. Logically, she knows that some of this mania is her fault. She kissed him back, she invited him into the apartment, and she commented on his Instagram. But she also didn’t know that there would paparazzi stalking outside of her apartment (because wow, super creepy and invasive on so many levels) or that commenting on his Instagram would cause such mania. She didn’t even realize that anyone would see it or that it’d create such a frenzy. How the hell can a couple of pictures and an Instagram comment make her life this insane? How do people live like this?

Killian didn’t know those things either, though. His only fault has really been the way he left things between them…and he’s apparently tried to call. Damn. She has no idea what to do or how to deal with any of these things. Listening to Killian would probably be a good start.

“Well, I wanted to talk about the pictures of us, and then all of the media abuse you’ve likely been facing if what I’ve heard is correct or if my Instagram is any indication. And I also just wanted to talk to you. I had a good time on Saturday, love, and my poor goodbye on Sunday beside, I was hoping maybe I could continue to get to know you.”

Oh fuck. Oh damn. Oh hell. She can’t think of a single word that’s not “oh” or a curse that she encourages the kids at the shelter not to use.

“Killian, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Did you…do you not feel the same?”

He sounds so broken, his accent going more high pitched and cracking on words that it shouldn’t. She doesn’t know what she wants or how she feels.

“No, I did. I do. It’s just,” she sighs, running her hands through her hair and completely ruining her braid, “I’m a nobody. And I don’t mean that in a bad way or a self-pitying way. But I’m someone who can go to the grocery store and buy a tub of ice cream, and no one knows about it but me and the guy assisting with self-checkout. I live in a shitty apartment because I like it that way, and when I go out with my friends, no one notices. After one night with you, though, there are pictures of me online, people outside of my apartment, death threats online, and people calling into the office who have no interest in actually working with the shelter.”

He’s silent on the other line for a moment too long, making her think that she’s lost him until he shudders. “Shit, love. I’m sorry. I knew it was bad, but I was hoping you hadn’t actually experienced everything that I feared.”

“Well, I have. And your less than spectacular exit on Sunday hasn’t exactly made me feel great. It honestly made me feel kind of cheap. Killian, Saturday night was fun, something that I didn’t expect after, you know, only asking you out on a super embarrassing bet. I thought it’d be like a business arrangement, but then we ended up having a good time. I don’t know if you were acting or – ”

“I wasn’t acting.”

“Or what,” she continues, trying to talk through his words and calm the erratic beating of her heart, “but I’m just not sure that I can allow my life to be in upheaval over some guy I barely know. I’ve been through that enough.”

“I get that, Swan, and if you don’t want to give me a chance, I’ll move on and leave you be. But I’d at least like to get to know you.”

“How would that even work? You live across the country. I’m busy. You’re busy.”

“Phone, texts, facetime. You get to know me as a friend from far away, and then if you decide you’d like to see me again, I’m on a plane. If not, well, then we never have to see each other again. And I’ll make a statement to try to clear up some of this mess, okay? Just give me a shot?”

She doesn’t know why, but she gives him her personal number and says yes.

Her day continues to be absolutely insane, the phone calls never stopping and all of her coworkers but Ruby giving judgmental, disdainful looks. She’s putting everyone through hell with the calls they’re getting, and it’s like every thankful hug and word she got on Saturday for helping to bring in the money they’ll be using to help fund their Christmas has been taken back. The only real solace she has is Ruby, who goes out and buys her a cheeseburger and fries for lunch so that she doesn’t have to leave the office. It’s like she’s back in middle school. She’s twenty-eight years old and living in middle school.

“They’re just frustrated, Ems,” Ruby consoles, swiping her own fries in a strawberry milkshake that it’s far too cold to be drinking, “and maybe a little jealous. I mean, come on. You kissed Killian Jones Saturday night, and Kathryn’s boyfriend got drunk and threw up.”

“It was just a kiss.”

“Okay sure, honey. Whatever you tell yourself.”

She takes a bite of her cheeseburger, letting her junk food help her deal with everything. “He called me today. Said he wants to get to know me more.”

“Shit. What’d you say?”

“I mean, I complained about the last few days because I feel like I’m in a fishbowl, but,” she shrugs her shoulders and grimaces, “I said yes. I’m crazy, and I said yes.”

“So what you’re telling me is that you’re dating Killian Jones.”

“I’m getting to know Killian Jones. And it’s a secret.”

Just then Ruby’s phone chimes, and she smirks before her brows furrow together and her fingers scroll down the screen. “Your secret lover boy is talking about you on Instagram.”

“What?” She practically jumps around her desk, leaving her food and sticking her hands out until she gets Ruby’s phone. Sure enough, there’s a photo of the two of them from the gala, laughing at their table at dinner.

KillianJonesOfficial: Hi, friends! I don’t usually like to get serious on here, especially when it comes to something that should have been lighthearted. Emma Swan asked me out on a date through a video, and I agreed because I wanted to support Boston Children’s Shelter. Miss Swan and I had a wonderful time supporting several charities, and the end of our night was documented by photographers. I won’t deny any of that or what the pictures show, but Miss Swan and I are simply friends. If you all could be so kind, I’d appreciate it if everyone stopped invading her private life and her work life. She didn’t ask for her life to be invaded, and I think we would all be better served spending our time doing things that matter. It’s still early in the holiday season, and there’s much giving to be done! Thank you!

“Well, damn,” Ruby whistles, causing Emma to look up from the phone, her cheeks so hot that if someone touched them, she’s sure they could burn flesh, “you’ve got it bad.”

“Ruby.”

“I know, I know. Emma Swan doesn’t fall for a man in one night. She’s got walls and is guarded and all that jazz, but girl, if the smile on your face says anything, you’ve got it bad.”

Emma Swan: Okay, what question am I on?

Emma Swan: And this doesn’t count as a question, bud.

He laughs before scrolling through his phone, trying to find her question number, but they haven’t really been following the rules of twenty questions anyways. They’ve each got to be on at least seventy now with follow up questions. It’s been going on like this for nearly three weeks. They send texts back and forth, the occasional call when he’s on a break from filming reshoots of his last movie and doesn’t have time to be texting, but it’s mostly them getting to know each other in the simplest of ways. It had been awkward when he’d first texted her, the conversations stilted like they had been when he picked her up at her apartment, and he’d foolishly suggested they play twenty questions.

He’s thirty-two years old, and he’s playing twenty questions with the girl he likes.

Killian Jones: I don’t think it matters, but I think you’re technically on questions seventeen, love.

Emma Swan: What size t-shirt do you wear?

He snorts, laughter rumbling through his stomach, before rolls over on the couch, propping his chin up on Liam’s throw pillow…okay, so it’s Elsa’s throw pillow. He’s absolutely positive that Liam didn’t pick this out.

Killian Jones: Large. Why do you ask?

Killian Jones: And that doesn’t count as a question.

Emma Swan: Because I’m sending you a late Christmas gift that I just found while shopping.

Killian Jones: You’re shopping on Christmas Eve?

Killian Jones: Are you mad, Swan?

Emma Swan: Not crazy. Just been a little distracted lately and needed one more present for Leo.

“Oi, little brother, get off your phone and come help in the kitchen.”

“I’m a guest, Liam. You and Elsa are supposed to do all of the cooking. And it’s younger brother.”

“Okay, then come play with your nephew then. Who are you talking to anyways?”

“No one,” he answers a little too quickly, and Liam catches onto it almost immediately, his eyebrows moving across his forehead while his lips tick up on one side.

“Do you have a girl, Killian?” Liam prods, standing over the couch and staring down at Killian. “Are you talking to a girl?”

“I’m talking to a friend who happens to be a girl. But not a girlfriend.”

“But you like her.”

“She’s a friend, and don’t you dare tell Elsa. She’ll get those big sentimental eyes, and then she’ll ask for details.”

“So there are details to be asked about then?”

“So you needed help in the kitchen then?” He gets up from the couch, stuffing his phone in his back pocket and sauntering into the kitchen, completely ignoring the way Liam is smirking behind him and heading straight to grab Aiden out of his highchair, tickling his stomach and asking Elsa what they’re having for Christmas Eve dinner.

He doesn’t check his phone for the next few hours, spending time with his family, the volume in the house only increasing when Elsa’s sister Anna and her husband Kris show up. It’s only the six of them, but it’s the loudest, most full Christmas Eve they’ve ever had. He’s only had Liam since their mum died when he was ten, and as much as he loves their Christmases together, he’s thrilled that their family is growing, even if it’s by no help of his own.

His nephew is the light of his life, though, the little eight-month old his best bud even if all he really does his giggle and smile at him with his little gummy smile, and he most definitely did all of his Christmas shopping for him ahead of time, unlike a certain woman did for her friend’s kid.

When he crawls into bed that night, Liam’s guest room a little too quiet without the box fan he usually sleeps with at home, and so knowing he can’t sleep, he pulls out his phone only to see several messages from Emma. The last one is dated just a few minutes ago, and even though it’s one in the morning in Boston, he takes a chance and presses the call button next to her name.

“Hello,” she mumbles before yawning, and he can’t help but smile. “Killian?”

“Aye. Did I wake you, love?”

“No, no. I was just getting in bed after finishing wrapping the rest of the presents. What are you doing?”

“The same thing.”

“Wrapping presents?”

“No, getting in bed.”

“Scandalous, Jones.”

“You know it, love.”

They end up talking for the next two hours, filling each other in on their Christmas Eve celebrations until Emma really does start yawning more than she actually speaks, the time catching up with her more than it does with him.

“Swan?”

“Mhm?”

“You should sleep. Goodnight, love. And Merry Christmas.”

“I can stay awake.”

“Emma,” he prods, curling up into bed himself and pulling the comforter further over his body. “Go to bed.”

“Okay,” she yawns, her voice gradually getting quieter, and he can hear her comforter rustling too. “Merry Christmas, Killian.”

Filming on the television show he’s decided to pick up begins at the end of January. It’s a mini series, so he’s only contractually obligated to it for fifteen weeks instead of up to ten years. It’s a historical drama, one where he gets to play a hero with a tainted past who battles his demons while also battling with his adversaries. It’s been in the works for years, and as he gets fitted for his costumes, a sense of giddy anticipation fills him, even as he’s basically fitted into a corset and leather pants. Well, that’s only for one episode. The rest of the time he’s in linens and suits of men in the 1800s.  

The only downside to it is that as the weeks have passed, he’s grown closer to Emma, their texts still frequent, but their calls even more so. It doesn’t necessarily sound like a downside, but to him, that’s how he feels. He just hasn’t seen her more than in pictures and one or two video chats. He’s known her for two months now, not long in the grand scheme of things, but they’ve talked nearly every day. Their twenty questions game has long since stopped, the words flowing more naturally as they simply chat about their days or whatever is on their minds. She’s gotten into sending him memes and videos she finds online, and he’s taken the time to find things to send her as well.

Through every little conversation they have, he learns a bit more about it. For awhile, he thought that they could be friends, that he could live just talking to her like this if that’s what she ends up wanting, but he likes her. He likes her, and he has no idea how she feels about him. Yeah, they kissed, and sometimes he finds himself touching his lips at the memory of that kiss, but that was just after one night. What if she doesn’t feel the same way now? He knows that they’re friends, but what if she never decides that she wants to see him again? What if it stays as some kind of virtual relationship?

If that’s what she wants, he won’t try to force her into something else. Whatever they become, it’s up to her as much as him.

He just doesn’t know what the hell she wants, and all he wants is to see her, to hear her laugh in person and possibly even give her a hug. He’s not even aiming for a kiss at this point. How can he miss someone he’s only met once?

Once his fitting is finished, he changes back into jeans and a flannel shirt for rehearsals, shooting for the first episode not really beginning until tomorrow after they get through this final day of practice.

It’s the end of February, the first half of the series is nearly finished, when he gets a call from Emma. They haven’t really been able to talk the past few days, the time difference and his work hours causing them to only exchange a few texts, so when her name and a picture from the gala pop up on his screen, he nearly breaks his phone, catching it in the air before it hits the marble of his kitchen counter.

“Hi, Swan” he breathes, his lips twitching upward.

He’s got to look like an idiot smiling to himself, but he lives alone. No one will ever know. Well, Liam and his damn older brother tendencies might now. He’s been on him like a hawk ever since Christmas Eve, especially because Killian refuses to tell him anything. His brother is nosy, but it’s only because he cares. Killian’s been hurt enough by women, not to mention how much he resents his father for leaving them and their sick mother, and Liam’s taken it up on himself to be his protector. He means well, but after Milah and how broken he’d been, Liam’s taken it to the next level. He knows that women will take advantage of him for his fame in the same way that people who try to be his friend will. It’s why he’s been single for awhile, and he keeps his mates to Liam, Robin, and Will, people he’s known and trusted for years.

But he knows that Emma is different. She’s obviously a fan, something he somehow forgets about most of the time, and while he’s never considered dating a fan before, he would with Emma.

He also knows that Liam would be up his arse about it.

The fact that Liam never mentioned the photos of he and Emma outside of her front door is a bloody miracle. Liam either never saw them or chose not to talk about it. God does he hope it was the first one.

“Um, hi. Why do you sound out of breath?”

“Because you take my breath away, love.”

“Oh wow, I can’t tell if that was good or bad.”

“It was good, darling.” He walks from his kitchen to his living room, settling down into his favorite recliner and stretching out. “How are you?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I’m on my way home from the gym. Did you not have filming today?”

“Day off, and I haven’t changed out of my pajamas. It’s bloody wonderful.”

“Lazy ass.”

“Smart arse.”

“Anyways,” she continues, several horns beeping behind her. He checks his watch and realizes that it’s eight in the evening in Boston. She must have had a late day at work. “I’m calling because I have some news.”

His heart rate picks up, and something lodges in his chest. She sounds happy, but he doesn’t know what her news could be. All he can think is that she’s begun dating someone, which she has every right to, but it would break his heart a little bit.

“What news?”

“So apparently, I haven’t taken enough vacations days, and I’ll lose them if I don’t use them by the end of the quarter, which is the end of March. So I was thinking, if it’s okay with you, that I might finally take you up on that offer of us seeing each other again. I know you said you’d be the one hopping on a plane, but I’d kind of like to see California.”

It's…this is…damn. This is everything he’s wanted for the past few months, and he can’t believe it’s happening. He’s going to see Emma, and it’s not going to be through a video screen.

“Swan, I’d be thrilled. You can stay with me. I mean, if you’re okay with that. You don’t have to stay with me if you’d rather stay somewhere else. And I can show you around all of the good places or the tourist traps. It doesn’t matter. Oh fuck.”

“What?”

“I’m filming all through March.”

“I know,” she sighs before cursing out someone under her breath, “but maybe we could hang out between filming. I don’t want to impose, so it’s fine if this is a bad time. I’ll just lounge around my apartment for a week if it is. It’ll be great. Just an entire week of laziness.”

“Emma, no,” he practically begs, hoping that she can’t hear his heart beating through the telephone and the miles between them. “Tell me the dates, and you can come. We’ll make it work.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.”

[nonasuch]

dogfather update: the mirror again

As always, everything dogfather-related is tagged with the dogfatherand story updates are tagged with dogfather story post. If you get antsy waiting for the next update, check out my AO3 or the zines and comics on my Gumroad. 

The thing is, Sirius knows better.

He knows. He does. The mirror isn’t showing him anything real, anything he could make real; he knows it can’t. If they’re real-- if that’s really James, really Lily, standing on the other side of the glass. If that’s really Regulus, if those are really the Prewetts, if that really is old Uncle Alphard, leaning on his walking stick there at the back behind Marlene and Benjy. If they’re real, they should do more than just stand there, smiling uselessly at him. They should try to help Sirius get them out: hold up notes, or mime instructions, or breathe on the glass to write to him in backwards letters.

And Reg should have picked a fight with someone by now, if nothing else. So they aren’t real.

But even knowing that, Sirius finds himself pulled back to the empty classroom, again and again. After Harry goes to sleep, he slips away through the silent corridors, and spends the night sitting before the glass, looking at all the people he misses most. Closer to any of them than he’s been in over a decade.

Sirius knows better. But since when has that ever stopped him?

(If the mirror were meant as a trap, they’d tell Sirius the things they never said in life. Reg would say, you picked the right side. Uncle Alphard would say, well done, my boy. you showed ‘em, eh? Lily would say it wasn’t your fault and James would say no one could have done better for Harry than you have.)

So he spends the next few days distracted, half-asleep and half-present. He ought to be minding Harry better: classes start soon, and the weight of Harry Potter’s fame is about to come crashing down on his godson. Harry shouldn’t have to worry about Sirius, on top of that, and Sirius knows that Harry is worried, that he wishes he’d never shown Sirius the mirror at all.

(When Harry came back up to the dormitory, Sirius had only just got back from talking to Dumbledore and McGonagall. He’d been about to wake Ron when he heard Harry’s tread on the stair.)

(When Harry pulled off the cloak, Sirius’ heart nearly stopped. He’d seen James emerge from it just the same way, more times than he could count: flushed with excitement, eyes bright, ready to invite him into some new adventure.)

Sirius slips away that night, and promises himself: just this one more time. But he said that the night before, too.

When he arrives, though, he finds that the decision has been taken out of his hands.

“So -- back again, Sirius?”

Sirius startles, turning from the mirror with his wand already out, but Dumbledore only smiles patiently at him.

"I don't need a cloak to become invisible," he says, and glances pointedly at a spot on the wall by the door.

“Sorry, Headmaster,” says Sirius. He feels about fourteen again, a foot shorter and ten times as stupid. “I know I shouldn’t-- but I couldn’t seem to--”

“I understand,” Dumbledore says. “You are not the first to discover the delights of the Mirror of Erised."

“Delights,” says Sirius. The name rings a vague sort of bell in the back of his mind, but he can’t quite place it. “If you say so, sir.”

“To some, at least,” says Dumbledore. "But I expect you've realized by now what it does?"

“Harry and I saw-- similar things,” says Sirius. “People we’ve lost. But Ron saw his future-- or some possible future, I suppose.”

Dumbledore nods. “And the happiest man on earth would be able to use the Mirror of Erised like a normal mirror; that is, he would look into it and see himself exactly as he is. Does that help?"

Sirius feels very tired, and very foolish. “It just shows us what we want,” he says. “Nothing real at all.”

"Yes and no," say Dumbledore quietly. "It shows us nothing more or less than the deepest, most desperate desire of our hearts. And that is something very real, I should say.”

“You know what I meant,” says Sirius. “Harry saw all the family he never had a chance to know. Ron saw himself in the spotlight, instead of his brothers. And I saw-- but it’s just an image. There’s no way to make it real, is there?”

“Not in the way we might wish for,” says Dumbledore. “This mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible.”

“Stupid of them,” says Sirius.

“Not at all,” says Dumbledore. “It is a very human failing, to desire the return of what we have lost, or to long for what we do not yet have. But it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

“I know,” says Sirius. He does. All too well, and yet--

"The Mirror will be moved to a new home tomorrow,” Dumbledore says, “and I ask you not to go looking for it again. If you ever do run across it, you will now be prepared. And I expect your godson must be wondering where you are, back in his dormitory.”

Sirius hears a soft intake of breath, from the empty patch of wall by the door, and then a few quick, careful footsteps. He’ll have to teach Harry the trick of walking silently with the cloak on. It took James ages to get right.

Sirius glances back at the mirror one last time. They’re all still there, just as they were in life. Just as unreachable as they’ve always been. James waves to him, smiling, as if nothing at all is wrong.

But James is dead, and always will be. Sirius turns his back on the mirror.

“Right,” he says. “Thank you, Headmaster.”

“You are very welcome, Mr. Black,” says Dumbledore. “But as I said, you are not the first to be ensnared by the Mirror.” He glances over Sirius’ shoulder, at the glass, and something about his expression makes Sirius wonder.

“"What do you see in it?" he asks.

"I?” Dumbledore’s face smooths out, back to its usual unreadable geniality. “I see myself holding a pair of thick, woolen socks."

Sirius can’t help but laugh.

"One can never have enough socks," says Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books."

“All right,” says Sirius. He doesn’t really believe it. But fair enough. It’s an awfully personal question, and not everyone’s regrets are as easy to guess as Sirius’.

[changji]

Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

-

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

[thiirdboy]

     Geez, that time of the year again, isn’t it? I can’t believe how quickly 2017 has gone by. So, let me just say a few things in the spirit of the season!

     Man, this year, I’ve felt the most welcome on an RP blog that I’ve ever felt ever, and that...that’s crazy. I’ve been RPing on tumblr since eighth grade, and I’m in my first year of college now. There have been people that have been with me since the beginning, and there are people that I’ve only just met in the almost two years now that I’ve been on Shinji. And, let me just say: no matter how long you’ve stuck with me on this ride, I love and appreciate you so much.

     I’ve gotten lots of comments and high praise on my portrayal of Shinji this year, which I don’t say to brag; I say it to highlight just how loving and encouraging this community has been and continues to be! It makes me so happy to see even just small spontaneous questions in my inbox or to be tagged in things randomly, because it means you guys notice and love the work I put into Shinji. Evangelion has become very near and dear to my heart, partly because, as you may know, I do relate pretty heavily to Shinji, but also largely because of the amazing people I’ve met by RPing in its community. And so, I can’t repeat this enough: thank you for making what I do worth it.

     Here are some shoutouts to people that have been especially instrumental ( pun perhaps intended ) in making my experience here a positive one:

Magi ( @psychic-sun ) - Ohhhh boy HERE WE GO. Magi. You are the light of my life. We are the two balls of anxiety. The sunrise duo. The beeb and the boob. The flesh sack cleaning Ikari Lucas Goodwill Smiths. And also, how were you ever intimidated by me? BUT in all seriousness, thank you for pulling me out of some really bad places this year. Thank you for being patient with me and waiting until I was ready to take a step forward, thank you for being the kindest, most understanding, most encouraging person I’ve ever dated ever ( and not to mention cutest! ). Thank you for putting up with my stupid shenanigans, like the twitter layouts and fucking memorizing the entire Kaworu Hits on Shinji video. Just, thank you for everything. I’m never afraid when I talk to you, and if the anxiety does kick in you’re always there to kick its ass. I really hope I’ve been able to do the same for you. You are amazing, way more than you realize, you are going to kick senior year’s ass, and then whatever college you go to, you’re going to kick its ass. I absolutely believe you’re capable of getting into super selective schools and pushing through difficulties that you set your mind to. I love you sosososo much ♥ ♥ ♥

Emmi and Niko ( @derverlust and @ayanxmi ) - MY CANON GIRLS!! MY SQUAD!! My gosh, I just...you guys already know how much I adore your writing and characterization, but I just can’t state it enough. The work and thought you guys put into your muses is incredible, and I’m so honored to not only be able to write with people that are so talented and understand their muses so well, but to be mains with them?? Like??? What did I do to deserve you guys??? I never thought I’d end up as close with you guys as I have!! And not only that, but you both are absolutely a joy to talk to OOC, and have helped me through some really bad shit in my life. I know I can always count on you two for advice, or at the very least a pick me up when I’m down. Here’s to another year of wild EVA shenanigans! I hope I continue to live up to my role as you guys’ Shinji. ♥

Simon ( @rakuene ) - Holy fuck Simon. Holy fuck. You already know how wild our RP shenanigans have gotten in the four mcfucking years that we’ve known each other. I need not say more than SUMOverse or Ore no Muse for you to know. But, jeez...I can’t imagine what my experience both IC and OOC would have been like without you? I love that our characters have such great dynamics no matter who they are, and that I can also talk to you about anything OOC. You know about pretty much all of the shit I’ve gone through and have been there through a lot of it to help me, and I hope I’ve done and continue to do the same for you. I’m so blessed to have gotten to meet someone amazing and loyal like you.

Bell, Red, and Jae ( @retalupine, @invictrix, @velvequeen ) - SQUADRILATERAL ROLL UP. Okay no but seriously, Bell and Red, you guys have been with me practically since Kei’s birth, and Jae, even if we’ve only really started talking this year, you can’t have a squadrilateral without four sides, and you’re super sweet and cute and I’m so glad I’ve gotten to know you too! You guys are my tea-spilling, salty-sweet squad, and I can always count on you guys to keep things real. Plus, all our muses’ interactions are fun to watch, and it’s been great to watch them develop over the years into what they are now! And I super appreciate you guys sticking with me no matter which community I hop to next, and I will absolutely, 100% always do the same for you.

Chib ( @of-magic-and-fun ) - SYYYYYYYD YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU. No but seriously, can you believe we used to just write RPs on paper in middle / high school and come up with shenanigans and now we’re still here doing the same shit, except with formatting and all that jazz? You are literally a sweet cinnamon roll with tons of extra frosting that this world does not deserve, too good, too pure. I know things are tough right now, but I’m here for you! And I will stick with you through any community you write in or anywhere you end up living IRL ( even if that means mainly discord communication ). We’re ride or die at this point.

Zach ( @insectoide ) - You know what the fuck is up Zach. From the time before I knew you up until now, I never would have imagined myself friends with someone as cool and talented as you ( and yes, I do, after a year, still think you’re super cool like I did before we talked ). I know you go through a lot of shit that you don’t deserve whatsoever, and I’m here for you for all of it. Though despite all of it, you’ve stayed strong and true to your beliefs, no bullshit, and I’m SO glad and so happy for you for that. And not to mention your bomb ass writing?? Your contributions to fandom have made it such a great place, and I’m so glad I’ve gotten to be part of it in some way!

Diego ( @hogarsis ) - Diegoooooooo!! My fellow magical girl enthusiast! My gosh, I was so excited when you very first followed me back on Kyubey, and then on Nagisa and just across all your muses. No matter who they are, they always seem to have a great dynamic right from the beginning, and a super unique one at that! There are tons of places we can take their interactions and they’re always super multi-layered, and I’m all about that good multi-layered shit. You’re a super flexible and talented writer and RPer, and I will continue to follow you and write with you wherever you decide to go!

     Wow that was really long. I have a lot of love to give. And I have more! Here are tons of other people that I have written with / talked to OOC, or would like to, that I absolutely adore.

@aoba-shigeru | @beastbrave | @falsiti | @hakureimaiden | @halfofxerxes | @herstrengths | @inviai | @inlightsimage | @notstpd | @persistingcourage | @revengefulhcart

     Of course, I probably missed a ton, as there are tons of you, and quite a few that have only just followed me recently that I would love to interact with more and just haven’t quite seen a lot of yet! But if you’re following me right now, you are part of the reason I’m still here! It takes two to tango, after all!

     Anyway, come March, aside from turning into Jared who never fucking learned how to read, I will have been on Shinji and in the EVA community for two years. And I plan on continuing to be here! This is just such a fun place to be, and I hope that that continues for a long time. If you celebrate Christmas, I want to wish you a merry Christmas, and if not, then I hope whatever holiday you celebrate is a good one. And for everyone, I wish you well in 2018! May it be a great year!

     — Negau