#does it make us more depressed? exponentially

[loosethreadsofyoursoul]

sometimes i get sad bc my ships aren’t canon, or canon is not doing what i need it to in order to spark joy.

and then i remember my roots: marauders fandom

[anti-dazai-blog]

37- Don’t get arrested, get a therapist (and other complaints)

Welcome back to the Anti-Dazai Series!! Fun fact, this is actually one of the last chapters in bsd that has any significant anti-dazai content. After this we get a string of one-off chapters, then a bit of Dazai in the cannibalism arc, and then he gets arrested. I’m running out of material to work with. 

………………………………

While most of this chapter is showing how the members of the three organizations are reacting to the aftermath of the three-company conflict, Dazai does jump in towards the end to make two confessions—or rather, to boast about two things he’s really proud of doing.

As we have seen previously, Kyoka was arrested and placed on a government drone. Up until now we’ve placed the blame on Kyoka for getting caught and attacking the officer. However, we now get a very vital flashback scene. During Dazai’s interrogation of Kouyou, he tells her his plans for Kyoka—“first we’ll have her arrested…”

Naturally Kouyou objects to this. But Dazai explains that this is the only way for Kyoka to have her entrance exam, and the agency is the only place where she will be safe. Dazai say this needs to happen. There’s no other way. Naturally, he doesn’t explain what the exam will cover [crashing a drone that you’re chained to into another airship], but it’s ok. Surely Kouyou doesn’t need to know that and would be perfectly fine with gambling with Kyoka’s life like this. 

But now to go back to Kyoka. At the time when she was arrested, she was already guaranteed a spot in the agency. In fact, she was already working for them—we see her trying to do her first assigned job a few chapters before. And during that chapter, she stood up to Kouyou to protect Atsushi—should that not have been sufficient to count as passing the entrance exam? She risked her life to protect someone else. 

As far as we see from the entrance exam, you need to risk your life to protect others. There’s a wild difference between Atsushi’s and Kyoka’s though—Atsushi was never in any real danger. They used a fake bomb and the bomber was a member of the agency playing pretend. Kyoka, however, was in a real government drone—chained to the floor, unable to escape, and having no control of her ability—and was expected to crash it into another airship. Kill yourself to prove yourself. An absolutely insane thing to be portrayed in a positive light by an agency full of the most mentally unstable people, trying to test a depressed, traumatized suicidal girl’s survival instincts. And the only way to pass the test is to have none.

Given how Dazai was explaining Kyoka’s arrest and future recruitment to Kouyou, it seems that he was the one primarily responsible for devising her exam. An exam like Atsushi’s would have been just as effective in allowing her to join the agency, yet his plans for her are exponentially harsher than what he came up with for the local man-eating weretiger.

Why the double standard? The most reasonable guess I’ve got is that Kyoka’s mafia background means that she could “handle more,” or needs a more intense test to be properly tested. In Dazai’s opinion, at least. 

Kyoka has been through enough though. It should be the other way around—we go easier on her because she’s already so traumatized. She already tried to die on the train when we first met her. All We’ve ever seen her do is try to die. Her suicide attempts always get a lot closer to succeeding than Dazai’s. The plan should have been to get Kyoka a therapist, not get her arrested. 

But she’s joining Dazai’s organization, so what can you expect?

….

But now let’s talk about Akutagawa. I’ve already gone over how Dazai manipulates him on the Moby Dick, but let’s talk about how he got there in the first place.

At the end of the chapter, Dazai and Hirotsu meet up to discuss how everything played out. Hirotsu goes over what Dazai instructed him to do—to leak the information about the Moby Dick to Higuchi, who will inevitably tell Akutagawa. 

Although this seems minor, it’s a key component to the manipulation. Rather than Akutagawa finding the information on his own, or sending an anonymous letter to him explaining some details of what will happen, he needs Akuatgawa to consider the idea to infiltrate the Moby Dick to be something that he thought of himself, spur of the moment. 

Surely Dazai didn’t cause him to���Dazai doesn’t even want him there! Dazai doesn’t even know that he knows what the agency is planning! No—instead, Higuchi overheard it from Hirotsu, and as his subordinate she’s being very sneaky and passing that information along to him. Now he can go to the mission Dazai’s subordinate will be going on, and finally prove himself to Dazai! Dazai will probably be so impressed that Akutagawa managed to find out classified agency information that he might even praise him a bit.

Akutagawa had no chance of finding out that Dazai was the cause of the information getting to him because he heard it from someone who heard it from someone. He can’t just ask Hirotsu how he knows this because he’s not supposed to know about it in the first place—Higuchi told it to him confidentially.

Dazai planned it out meticulously to make sure Akutagawa wouldn’t realize Dazai himself brought him onto that airship in the first place. Akutagawa will think that he’s acting on his own free will—or possibly even against Dazai’s will—but it was in accordance to what Dazai planned out for him all along.

……………………………..

Please forget about what I said about the double entry this week, I’ve ran out of notes that I took on the manga chapters, so now that I’ve caught up to the notes I took in advance it’ll take more time for me to read ahead and take notes on the next 5-10 chapters. Back to the original once a week schedule—so next series update will be next week Tuesday!

[ominous-feychild]

sammy headcanons, pretty please,, fun facts or silly headcanons, i need more sammy content in my life

I'm answering these out of order rn because otherwise I won't get to them in forever. I'm sorry to everyone waiting for your asks to be answered... if you even remember asking, WHOOPS--

I mean, technically they're not headcanons because I'm the writer and I just make any "headcanons" just straight-up canon, but! 🤣

Due to his very specific and special brand of magic, he constantly has plants growing around and on him. It's worse around dirt, so he used to make an effort to completely avoid dirt in order to hide his magic.

The growth rate of plants around him exponentially changes depending on his emotional state! If he's happier, they'll grow at a faster pace. This is another reason they did not grow very often before RFtA. Oh, whoops, that's sad, isn't it? 😉

The growth rates of the plants increases dramatically as he gets stronger throughout the series.

If he sits in a pile of dirt, it would take less than a minute for the plants grow over his lap and anchor him to the ground. Later in the books, they'll grow so fast that they'll basically encase his entire body with that much time. Don't worry, though! They wouldn't cover his eyes, nose, or mouth because they love him! Also, he could literally just magically move them off of him, haha. They'll just be sad their father abandoned them. 🥺

Sammy is constantly basically-freezing cold and wears jackets and sweaters as often as possible. It makes him stand out considering the climate is so hot.

He purposely wears oversized jackets with floppy sleeves. It's one of the many ways he makes himself look smaller/weaker in order to make people underestimate him so he can manipulate them. I'm sorry, it's next to impossible not to get depressing/dark with him!!!

He is smol boi,,, so smol,,, 4'8,,, (but you knew that, lmao. That's for anyone else who didn't know.)

Sammy has heterochromia. One eye is pale blue, the other is dark brown--almost black. Although this is uncommon in most people with heterochromia, Sammy's blue eye is more sensitive and has an astigmatism. He was not born with it.

His real-world ethnicity is equivalent to Latino.

He has ADHD and dyslexia. Yes, kinda like the PJ demigods. No, that was not intentional, haha.

However, he may or may not have been inspired by Leo from HoO... JUST POSSIBLY!!! Hey, man, he's a YEARS-old character. Besides, I bet you wouldn't have been able to figure it out if not for this!!! Yw for exposing my dirty secrets.

In a real-world AU, he'd still have grown up on the streets. Instead, he'd get sponsored by a college by (half) accidentally stumbling on revolutionary medication and treating an otherwise-incurable disease in someone he didn't know was important. Everyone would then be incredulous to find out he couldn't/can't read and literally just figured all that stuff out by himself. #JustSavantThings

If he ended up in our world, he'd be terrified of being caught in a recording (of any kind).

If he grew up in our world, he'd love podcasts and music. However, tragically, he wouldn't listen to them too often because they'd distract him from focusing on everyone else around him.

Less fun, but still facts:

He's unaware of this, but the person he thinks of as his mother was an adoptive parent; not biological. Didn't make her any less important to his life or who he is as a person, but does come to bite him in the butt when he finds out the truth!!!

Sammy is plagued by migraines. He's just long-since used to living with them. However, he's able to use his magic to shut off the pain during emergencies. He's just... not aware of it for the longest of times.

Related to the ADHD: he is a MAJOR stimmer. However, he's too used to controlling himself to allow himself to except for when it serves whichever act he's trying to sell.

I lied. He sometimes allows himself to stim in moments where he's trying to "reset" his brain, aka change the subject or give himself a moment to think. It's not entirely conscious though.

Sammy's magic is unique. The only others with it are his family members. Guess that's a little bit of a spoiler, but oh well, haha. It's not too hard to figure out, and it especially won't be when I explain my magic system more in-depth.

He develops anger issues midway through the first book. At the same time, he gets a massive increase in power. Are those two things related, or just a coincidence? Yes.

He doesn't actually like plants. He feels pretty neutral about them. However, the fact that they're the most ethical and effective way to use his magic makes him keep them around. His joking about liking them is a deflection to avoid explaining he likes having a way to defend himself readily available.

He starts to lowkey hate plants as his magic spikes in power. Due to it occurring at the same time as the onset of his anger issues, the "plants growing over him" thing suddenly goes from "occasionally grows over him" to "basically always on him" and he can't cope with the frustration.

It's especially bad when, later in the series, Sammy runs away from the Knight's College ("flight risk" foreshadowing fulfilled) and he's basically unable to get away from dirt. He gets very angry with them never giving him a break.

Sammy is deeply insecure and thinks he can and has only caused problems in others' lives.

He has a good reason to feel that way, though obviously it's not actually true.

As I've mentioned before, he's a major social manipulator control freak who panics whenever he feels he's lost control of a situation.

He pretends to buddy-buddy up with the villains he can't otherwise beat in order to destroy them from inside. However, this makes his "alliances" seem VERY wishy-washy and focused on his own survival.

Despite that, after the beginning of RFtA, Sammy is incredibly self-sacrificing. He'd rather sabotage his own survival chances in order to help others rather than leave them to rot when he otherwise could've helped.

This is related to trauma in his past.

The only people he won't try to convince he's on their side is the people he cares about. He cares too much, his brain short-circuits, and he just gives up because "he deserves it, anyways".

He hasn't sincerely cried for a long time. Not from lack of emotion, but because he's numb to it.

No matter what, Sammy is one of my few characters who will never purposely kill anyone else. Even the people who hurt him the most, even though he'll hold an incredible amount of rage, he can't bring himself to hurt someone else--much less kill--outside of a life-or-death situation. He's a pacifist who enters fights in order to end them as quickly as possible.

Despite his manipulative tendencies, I would call Sammy a good person. One of the "best" people in all of my writing, honestly. He just got dealt a REALLY shitty hand in life.

Sorry I'm sharing some things you already know, Letters! I'm sharing them with the rest of the world, haha!

Tagging list: @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet @illarian-rambling @ashirisu @urnumber1star

@aalinaaaaaa and ask and ye shall be added!

[the-septic-maniac]

SPOILERS FOR S1 AND S2 OF CRIMINAL CASE

July 30, 2030

T.I.M.E HQ

Cafeteria

"Deraila and Amy seem awfully down today" Marina noted seeing the two with their heads down, drinking their coffee together in silence. Orlando walks in and sees the situation. “Oh my…” He notices the shirt that Deraila is wearing. It was a Hawaiian button-up but not one of her usual ones. “That shirt carries quite the history to it. A heavy history about a broken man. A broken family.” Raising an eyebrow, Marina asks “How so?” He gives a bit of a shocked look. “In the 4 years you've known Amy and the possibly more that you’ve known Deraila, they haven't told you about their old partner they used to share?”

Amy speaks up clearly irritated “Orlando, if you want to talk about The Knight Family don't do it around me and Deraila. 15 years might have passed since the entire family’s death but it weighs just about heavy as it did back then”. Deralia speaks up clearly depressed “It's fine Amy. Orlando can talk about them. It's not the most traumatizing thing I’ve witnessed in my life…”

Orlando with a bit of a heavy sadness in his voice “it is not. Ive looked at their history over the at this point in time, almost 20 years of police work, but it is…” he swallows thickly “certaintly up there. Along with witnessing multiple attempts of suicide, one of which was successful…” He looks like he is wavering. “Her partner at the time during their first years, h-had…” it seems like he’s struggling to get the appropriate words out. He keeps clearing his throat. Deraila interrupts him, speaking in a monotone voice. “Me and Jones had witnessed the suicide of our Chief at the time…”

She stands up from their bench and grabs them all some coffee. “Let me tell you a story… When I first joined the Pacific Bay team, I had just got off from Grimsbourgh, my home town and Amy was just a junior officer when we met. We both met who we knew as our senior and the original owner of this shirt, Frank Knight.” Amy nods, a solemn look on her face. Deraila took a staggered breath. “He wasn’t a good man… but dammit he wasn't a bad one either. He was broken… broken in many ways and regretted so many things…” They take a sip of his coffee. The room is filled with silence. Amy broke the silence after a few minutes.“He… despite his actions in the end almost treated me like his own kid…” Deraila had a increased frustration in their voice as they spoke “He just wanted his damned family back. And gods whe he started emptying out his heart about his past-” Amy completed their sentence “Some of his behaviors and actions made so much more sense” "the one thing I won't ever let him down on if he was alive was the murder of Danny Moto… he was just a kid when frank killed him. Sure yeah, Frank's guilt about the incident weighed heavy on his shoulders, and if there ever such thing as a afterlife, it probably still does weight heavy on him, despite what Erikah Mabayo said."

A heavy silence came into the room. Deraila's grip on her mug white-knuckled as her frustration as memories started flooding into their head. "To make matters worse for him around this time, his daughter was in a coma and he and his wife Karen Knight had just reunited. But that was short lived because of those fucking bastards Albert Tesla and Alden fucking Greene!!!" The volume of Deraila's voice had risen exponentially. The other members on the team looked on in shock as they see how angry Deraila seems. Amy placed a hand on their shoulder. "They dangled the promise of them being a whole family again. Nothing pisses me off then an empty promise. especially one that puts loved ones in a choke hold when it was just a scheme for something else!" Marina and Orlando look on in absolute shock. They haven't ever seen Deraila this angry. "TESLA HAD THE FUCKING GALL AFTER SENDING SOMEONE TO KILL FRANK TO TRY AND BAIT US AND KEEP THE UTOPIA OPEN BY USING THE KNIGHT FAMILY!" Deraila sends one of her fists flying through a wall. after that, she breaks down into tears. Amy looked like she was about to go into tears as well, remembering the happy faces of the complete Knight Family in the utopia. It was a first for Marina and Orlando to see Amy like this.

Sobbing between Amy and Deraila were the only things heard for just a few moments as those hours repeated in their heads. The desperation for answers from the suspects and their coworkers. The search for clues and the skull rattling laughter from Tesla mocking them. The adrenaline spike from the tension. Then came the bitter-sweet ending… Those smiles… the smiles of Laura and Daisy that they have only seen once but damn will they never forget them. The smiles of Frank and Karen, a broken couple that has been broken apart due to their grief but reunited for their bedridden daughter. In death, this family was reunited…

But Deraila and Amy can't help but weep at their deaths. After 15 years… they still couldn't help but cry for a family they barely knew. Yet somehow they loved the family all the same.

"I-I think I'm gonna head home after repairing this," Deraila said as she pulled her fist out of the wall, her hand a little bloody. Amy nods and says the same thing. Orlando, Marina, and Jack stand there in silence as their teammates walk off, wondering what they could possibly do to help…

[destinationhope]

Drug Use and Mental Illness Treatment in Florida by Destination Hope

A co-occurring illness, also known as a dual diagnosis, is when someone has a substance use disorder (SUD) and a mental illness. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, close to 50 percent of people with a mental illness or SUD will have a co-occurring disorder at some point. Dual diagnoses are common, but that does not mean one causes the other. Most mental illnesses have to do with abnormal brain chemistry. A lot is happening in the brain, and a small deviation in one or two neurons or neurotransmitters can change brain functioning. Adding drug abuse to the mix, which also alters brain chemistry, will just compound the problems in the long run.

Often, a SUD can start with someone’s desire to self-medicate their way through their mental illness. Mental illness often comes with emotional pain and confusion that can be mitigated temporarily with psychoactive drugs. It is important to understand that treatment of mental illness with mind-altering substances only provides temporary relief — it is never a viable, long-term solution. Self-medication will only lead to worsened mental health problems and the potential for addiction.

How It Happens

It is possible to become addicted to anything that causes unnatural spikes in dopamine, but it will take time. In the case of drugs that flood the brain with dopamine, the addiction comes very quickly because the brain is hardwired to want to repeat pleasant experiences, and the high you get from something like cocaine is exponentially more intense than the joy you’d get from, say, smelling clean laundry.

It makes sense, then, that depression is a significant problem for long-term drug users and vice versa. Since drug users’ positive moods have been artificially induced for so long, their brains are not prepared to produce pleasure and happiness on their own. On the other side of the equation, people with depression have a hard time producing their dopamine, so something that can artificially manufacture that chemical will be appealing. With time and treatment, the brain can heal and regain its ability for positive thinking, but the longer the drug use goes on, the harder it is to recover.

Depression is not the only mental illness with a high instance of a co-occurring SUD. People with anxiety, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and many other mental illnesses are more susceptible to addiction. Bear in mind that the development of both SUD and mental illnesses has plenty of risk factors, heredity being a key one, as well as environmental factors and generational trauma.

People with co-occurring disorders face more obstacles to recovery. Dual Diagnosis Treatment Programs mean higher instances of additional problems, like homelessness, relapse, hospitalization, isolation, victimization to violent crimes, and incarceration. It can be a hard road if you’re facing both mental illness and SUD. Fortunately, there is hope. There are ways to recover and stay recovered.

What Can Be Done?

Mental illnesses need to be professionally diagnosed and treated. In the presence of addiction, the mental illness cannot be adequately assessed until the drugs are removed from the system. Hence, a patient needs to “dry out” fully before an accurate analysis can be made. Brain chemistry is too complicated to diagnose in the presence of brain-altering substances. Both mental illness and SUD often present significant threats to the patient’s wellbeing and must be treated concurrently. Each disorder needs to be treated by a professional because overlapping symptoms can make the individual issues harder to diagnose.

Behavioral therapy, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, is often part of the treatment program. Medications are typically the other piece of the equation. When prescribed and regulated by a qualified professional, they can be used in treating mental illnesses and SUD. This integrated strategy of treating the SUD and the mental illness together is the recommended approach for medical and mental health professionals today. There is often a collaboration between multiple types of professionals, creating a team to help combat all the problems at once.

This is our approach to help you recover from your addiction and manage your mental illness. Our team of experienced professionals works together to give you the best chance of lasting recovery. The education we provide about your disorders and preventing relapse will help prepare you for when you leave treatment. Reach out to us to talk to our team about how we can help get you on the path to recovery. Explore our website https://destinationhope.com/ or call us at: (888) 989-1479 for more details.

[tmarshconnors]

The Attention Economy

Welcome to the Attention Economy, where platforms, brands, and content creators constantly vie for a slice of your time and focus. In the digital age, attention is finite, and those who command it, control influence, and ultimately profit. But what exactly is the Attention Economy, and how does it shape our everyday lives?

What Is the Attention Economy?

The Attention Economy is a concept that views human attention as a scarce resource, much like any other commodity in a capitalist economy. As the internet and social media have expanded, the amount of information we are exposed to has increased exponentially.

Yet, our capacity to process this information remains limited. This mismatch between information and attention has transformed attention into a hot commodity, with tech companies and advertisers striving to capture as much of it as possible.

The economist and psychologist Herbert A. Simon first coined the term in the 1970s. He predicted that as information became abundant, attention would become the bottleneck to productivity and success. Fast forward to 2024, and Simon’s foresight is all too accurate.

The Currency of Digital Platforms

Social media platforms, video-sharing sites, and even news outlets thrive on keeping you glued to their pages for as long as possible. The longer you scroll, watch, or engage, the more ads you see, and the more data they collect on your behaviour. In essence, your attention becomes the currency that fuels their growth.

This is why apps are meticulously designed to be addictive. Features like infinite scrolling, notifications, and personalised content feeds are not mere conveniences; they are carefully engineered to keep you from putting down your phone. These platforms know that the longer you stay, the more profitable you become.

The Cost to Society

While the Attention Economy may be a goldmine for tech giants and advertisers, it’s taking a toll on society in more ways than one. Here are some of the most concerning impacts:

1. Reduced Focus and Productivity: With endless streams of information competing for our attention, it has become harder to focus on a single task for extended periods. Research shows that constantly switching between tasks (known as multitasking) hampers our ability to concentrate, making us less productive in both work and personal life.

2. Erosion of Mental Health: Studies have linked excessive social media use with rising rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok encourage endless comparison, which can damage self-esteem and foster feelings of inadequacy.

3. Manipulation of Behaviour: The algorithms driving the Attention Economy are designed to show us more of what we like. While this sounds harmless, it can lead to the creation of echo chambers where users are only exposed to content that reinforces their existing beliefs. This has been linked to increased polarisation, making meaningful political and social discourse more difficult.

Who Benefits?

The primary beneficiaries of the Attention Economy are the companies and advertisers who profit from our engagement. Every click, like, and share generates valuable data that can be sold to advertisers. Platforms like Facebook, Google, and TikTok have turned this into a science, offering hyper-targeted advertising that maximises revenue.

For content creators and influencers, the Attention Economy presents both opportunity and challenge. On one hand, anyone with a smartphone and internet access can capture attention and potentially build a career. On the other, the competition for attention is fierce, and staying relevant requires a constant stream of new and engaging content.

Breaking Free from the Attention Economy

So, is it possible to reclaim our attention in a world that’s constantly fighting for it? Yes, but it requires conscious effort. 

Here are a few ways you can take control:

1. Set Boundaries: Limit your social media use by setting time limits or scheduling "offline" hours during the day. Apps like "Screen Time" on iPhone can help monitor and restrict your usage.

2. Curate Your Digital Diet: Be selective about the content you consume. Unfollow accounts or pages that don't add value to your life, and prioritise content that enriches your mind rather than distracting it.

3. Practice Mindfulness: Techniques like meditation and mindfulness can help train your brain to focus on the present moment, making it easier to resist the pull of endless distractions.

4. Prioritise Deep Work: Set aside blocks of time for deep, focused work or activities without distractions. Author Cal Newport’s book Deep Workis an excellent guide on how to achieve this in an age of information overload.

In the Attention Economy, the stakes are high. Our attention is not just a measure of what we consume; it shapes how we think, feel, and behave. While it’s easy to fall into the trap of constant distraction, we do have the power to reclaim our attention.

By setting boundaries, curating our content, and practicing mindfulness, we can shift the balance back in our favour transforming the Attention Economy from a battleground into a balanced relationship between consumption and creation.

As we navigate this evolving landscape, it’s essential to remember that our attention is precious. So ask yourself: where do you want to invest it?

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 27: Rain

Yes, I am definitely crashing and I guess that's inevitable. I'm trying to just lessen the impact as much as possible because I feel like that's all I can do.

I'm honestly still quite bitter that I looked forward to Friday as the reward for all the stupid stuff I dealt with over the week and then instead of the restful sort of slowing down and sliding into the weekend I needed mentally, everything just got 10x worse because of the weather situation. It was so bad out there. Like hall of shame weather experience level... I think I've only had one worse experience and 1-2 similarly bad ones.

I just... I am angry with other people because I think this was a top-level failure about basic safety. Like the university should have closed at 1 or 2 based on the weather forecast. It should have. Miserable as it was for me to walk through basically the worst hour of the storm, I would have wanted to drive through it even less. These are the conditions for hydroplaning into a ditch. They are! Which of your employees' or students' lives was expendable today hmmm? This happens with every bad weather situation from snow storms to hurricanes to tornadoes to rainstorms, every single time without fail: people make decisions at every governance level by looking out the window. "Oh I don't see any snow now!" "Well I mean it looks fine!" "In their defense it's just a little gray." With all due respect (none) that is not how emergency preparedness works.

This idea that you move to the safety of your own home when it's already bad out and not a minute before is so wild to me. Is this because I grew up in a place with a lot of inclement weather? Or am I just the only one with two brain cells to rub together here? Or are we so deluded about the importance of every millisecond of productivity that we simply cannot conceive of leaving an hour or two early under any circumstance?

The thing is that in weather like this, too, it's not going to get worse exponentially over time. There are bad hours and better hours. There is one sense in which it's cumulative--a washed out road is a washed out road--but other conditions will get better in a short amount of time. So when people ignore the tornado watch we had all day and the radar screens with the honking big storm on the horizon, and all that, because it looks fine out now, the next best thing they can do when shit does get bad is stay put where they are until it gets better. But when they see it get bad they get scared and now, NOW, we all need to move. Now we need to do what we should have done 2 hours ago. Now we SEE the emergency, so I guess it's real. Which is the worst thing you can do.

This is how it's 4pm and some people are already on their way out and the dean of students comes to the library and is like 'um, it's bad, maybe we should go home?' And then everyone gathers at the desk to discuss this and come up with answers like 'he has no authority here though?' (true? but??) and 'well the university hasn't closed' (yes, let's remember that when one of us gets into a wreck during some flash flooding :) ) and so on. The final answer: the inevitable final answer in an individualistic society where no one ever wants to take responsibility for or even basic care of others: well just do what feels safe for you!!! So, right, by that you mean "if you leave too late and get hurt that's on you." Got it. Glad we cleared that up.

Part of this anger--and this is like the fourth time I've ranted about this today and I did not mean to, though by the fire of my annoyance I am keeping myself warm (feeling less depressed)--is that I do feel guilty. Should I have left earlier? Should I have dropped everything to run out at 4:10 and catch an earlier bus, ended up walking in the rain but rain that wasn't as bad? Should I myself have paid more attention to that same weather forecast, instead of relying on the judgement of people known to have piss-poor judgement on this topic, and left early, even if it meant taking leave time to do that? Should I have stayed an hour late at work, again to avoid the very very very worst that I walked through?

I do think my employer has responsibility for my safety to some degree. I really do. You require me to come in so you should have some sort of awareness of what I risk by traveling to and from this required location. But maybe I'm just putting off blame... I do know I get extra defensive when I feel some sort of guilt.

Fuck it was so absolutely miserable. I had to walk repeatedly through water up to my ankles because there was no way around the deep puddles. My whole back was soaked and part of my arm before I got on the bus. The walk to my apartment was even worse: more puddles starting to resemble lakes, plus I got a rock in my shoe, and worst of all my umbrella got stuck so I had to hold it open for a while, and then when I paused to close and reopen it I got drenched and also somehow almost run over by a bicyclist. Sir get the fuck off the sidewalk I don't fucking care.

I have to say I really lost it when I saw the water overflowing the storm ditches. The ones along my road are pretty deep and they were literally overflowing onto the grass. It just made me realize how bad this was. Like no, I was being yanked around before. I was.

My clothes are so fucking drenched that they are still drying in the tub. I wrung out my skirt as much as I could... it's still bad.

I'm just so tired. I did take a nap, rather a long one, rather a too long one, and now it's later than I want it to be. I don't know about this weekend... I want badly for it not to be a lost time but I also feel SO utterly drained, I don't know how long it will take me to recover from this.

[k-dokja]

how did you make vinny hong so whipped? // windbreaker

Disclaimer: I'm only reading up to season 2. Some of these might not reflect Vinny's development. I mostly avoid writing to him because of the similarities to Taehoon and I planned to write a lot for Taehoon.

— Okay, Dom said it, you're dating a simp. Your man is whipped and literally, everyone within the five miles radius sees it. He literally goes from the fierce menace of society to the gentle protective grizzly bear. No one knows how that is possible, but Vinny truly has the biggest soft spot for you. Especially if you were dating him back before he got the delicious character development. 

— Generally, he tries to keep you away from his school life. If possible, he will separate any ugly sides of him from you. But he’s not good at it, and you probably saw more than enough beforehand. It’s not easy for him to open up, he works to confide in you because he knows it’s not good to swallow his feelings. This gets exponentially better after he joined the crew as well.

— He's really protective, like, really. Doesn't matter whether if you're older than him or not, you're going nowhere near his old classmates or even going to bike races if possible. Will do everything he can to steer you away from any bad influences they might bring. Arguably, he is not the best seed himself, but he knows there are others who are far worse and he'll do anything to prevent them from approaching you. 

— Vinny got into fights often enough for it to be worrying, but he never fights in front of you. Something about it both feels and looks bad for him. Even if you had seen him fighting a handful of times before the two of you got together, he doesn’t want you to see him looking like that after you did. Mostly because he knows you worry when he gets hurt.

— On another note, if anyone ever uses you against him, they will not even get the chance to see the daylight of the next morning. The only time when you are given the chance to see Vinny going berserk is when someone used you to bait him. You had to stop him from turning those guys into past tense because he was smashing them with a pipe.

— He knows you deserve much more than him, especially when it comes to romance. The two of you rarely get the chances to go on any proper, romantic dates, and he gets in troubles too often for you to not worry. However, he does try, anything else you want him to do, he will do it. Because life is too depressing and seeing you smiles deal with at least 80% of his problems.

— Despite his appearance, he was really shy at first with the handholding. He went from letting you holding on his sleeve to holding pinky fingers with you. While he no longer got shy with it now, if someone teased how you got him wrapped around your fingers, he’d literally explode. And yes, he will go for the sneaky forehead kiss. Believe that he didn’t want to be that chaste, but if he went beyond that in public, he’ll turn as red as his hair.

— King of giving you little tokens and trinkets he got randomly. Like, they are mostly cheap or deformed ones, but when he found out you kept them all, he literally died on the spot. Why are you so cute. 

— You holding on his arm while he’s holding on the bike as the two of you walk home together? Divine. Wonderful. Outstanding. You riding his bike and looking cute doing it? Even more outstanding. His only regret when it comes to competitive cycling is that he can’t have a backseat or even rear foot pedal for you. Any additional modification adds unnecessary weight or complications, so you didn’t want to bother him either. 

— No matter how tired he has been the day prior, he always calls you before he hits the hay. Even if he went to a race until late at night, he will text you to let you know he arrived home safe. On the off chances that he forgot about it, Sung did the task for him and alerted you that he came home that night. 

— Talk about his home... yeah, you have the key to his place. Mostly so that you can pop in and out easily without having him there to open the door. He lives alone so he has much more freedom too, even if his place is nowhere near as nice as your house. With you around, he does try to clean up more as well. One occasion he actually woke up to you cleaning the house for him, he went from thinking he was dreaming to straight up panic mode.

— Something about you taking care of him makes him both happy and uneasy. He has too much pride and doesn’t like relying on people, but doing those domestic tasks with you... it hits him in the heart he doesn’t know he has. Buying groceries and washing the sheets should not make him feel that giddy, yet here he is.

— Another thing on the budget date list with Vinny is the two of you sharing the headphone. He is not the best conversationalist, not for the lack of trying with you. But sometimes he only wants to spend time with you and doesn’t really know what to talk about. You can only talk about yourself to a point before you run out of things to talk about as well. That’s where the music comes in, silence can get really awkward, but music is just fine. 

— Yes, you pretty much share playlists at this point. If you have similar tastes, then you would have no problem meshing with him, but in the case your tastes are different, he doesn’t mind switching back and forth between what he likes and what you enjoy. Heck, he even finds new favorites among yours and vice versa. 

— He rarely, if not never, snapped at you. Grumpy at worst and sulky at best. He can’t even ignore you whether if he wants it or not, one look at whatever puppy dog eyes you have, he caves faster than an ill-constructed building. Even if he’s angry, he’d never ignore you or push you away. He would actively feel worse if he tried that, to be honest. And he tried so hard to stay mad at you.

[quandaryqueen]

Honestly imagine being music meisters S/O in a listen what your soulmate is listening to AU and you just have to deal with him singing about fighting batman 3 am in the morning on a Sunday when you are just trying to sleep.

But you also hear him singing about how much he wants to meet his soulmate and how he thinks their are the most perfect being on earth without having met them.

We belong together

Music Meister X Reader

Soulmate au's!

💜 When you first came of age wherein you can finally hear soulmate, your world has never been quiet again. Call it a blessing and a curse. Granted, your surroundings is never dull because of it, but when in need of a moment in silence, it's almost impossible to be granted of it.

💜 Your soulmate sings. A lot. And exponentially louder than you are. At certain times you'd hear him sing the same song for a few hours, and said songs were of religious in terms of tone, so you deducted that he must be a part of a choir. As you grow he moved into Broadway songs, so he must be a theater performer. In between the sickeningly repetitive Phantom of the Opera, were other songs of a lot of genres.

💜 He was particularly fond of some melancholic songs and at random intervals of time, you'd hear him gently singing his heart, with faint traces of tears in his voice. Those songs were typically played when you sleep.

💜 Communication through music? Communication through music.

"You're mine and we belong together... For eternity~"

Pausing your music, you waited for him to reply. It took a few minutes, when suddenly, you heard notes starting from a piano. You figured that he plays them, as you'd often hear him practice and fail, perhaps in his frustration he slams his fists on they keys.

"You can shake an apple off an apple tree. Shake-a, shake- sugar, but you'll never shake me! Uh-uh-uh... No-sir-ee, uh, uh... I'm gonna stick like glue, stick because I'm... Stuck on you~"

Typical soulmate, always showing off.

💜 Oh gosh Dennis is such a sweetheart that he'd play some love songs for you... Even if sometimes he forgets that you might be busy or attempting to sleep. So it is a common occurrence for you to wake up because of his voice or lose concentration because of his songs.

💜 He squeals whenever you'd duet with him. No wonder you're his soulmate 😉

💜 One time, he was going off with his songs. He must be on stage for another production, playing as the Phantom from Phantom of the Opera... Again. But that wasn't your concern. He doesn't seem to stop singing and the longer you can hear him, the more breathless and exhausted he was. Not wanting to cloud his head, you stayed away from listening to music.

And as you were minding your business, he was in the middle of a performance, when his voice suddenly halts. Having been used to him making noises in your head, you find the silence unsettling.

💜 After a few hours of not hearing from him, you played a gentle tune to communicate with him. When that didn't work, you waited for another hour to try again. Your next attempt was recording your voice and listening to it so he can hear it.

"Are you okay?"

A few minutes passes and he does the same.

"Yes. Thank you for asking."

💜 Then after that, you never heard from him again. It was if he dropped from the face of the earth altogether. No more songs to wake you up, nor to colour your world. You were once again stuck with the sound of the mundane.

Of course you were scared, what if your soulmate died?

💜 At Dennis' side, he was performing on stage nonstop, as his manager and parents had forced him to go out there and sing to the point of passing out. Burnt out from the performances and constant need to entertain, he was reeled into depression.

At that period he reflected everything he ever did. That his parents are only using him, that his stage manager doesn't care about him and that the crowd would just forget about him the instant he steps off the stage. Imposter syndrome had its moments with him whenever he was backstage, being lectured by his manager about how lackluster his performance was, but at this point he couldn't care less.

His only escape in all this was singing to his soulmate who has come to appreciate him but he just couldn't perform again. You must be so damn elated to be able to relish silence again.

💜 Nevertheless, you moved on with your life with your soulmate not making a sound. Sometimes you'd hear him playing piano, only for him to stop in the middle of a song, before you return to silence again.

"You can talk to me if you want to. My name is Y/N L/N, I live in Gotham City." Along with your stated information, was your contacts from numerous media. But he never replied again.

After that, you didn't try to contact him out of fear that you were bothering him. He must have need space and so you just stayed down. Your thoughtfulness had you playing your music at a low volume out of concern that he'd be bothered.

💜 Out of the blue, you heard him perform like his usual self again, which made you jump up in joy. Your soulmate is back!

... Why were you suddenly singing and robbing a bank?

💜 After waking up from that mind-boggling fiasco, you continue to hear him sing and for some reason he sang about Batman and beating him up... With that information, you were able to pinpoint his identity as the Music Meister.

💜 Dennis having been newly recovered from his depression and newly escaped from Arkham, obtained a phone. Having been memorized your information, he taps along the keypad to contact you.

Back then he couldn't think clearly, but he remembers your name... Y/N L/N. What a beautiful name.

"Come into the water. Do you wanna be my baby?Are you waiting to touch me? You look so good, but I keep my hands, 'til you come into the water..."

Hearing your phone ring whilst his voice echoes in your head made you connect two and two together. Answering the phone, you reluctantly speak.

"Hello?"

Your voice was sweet against his ear and he can't deny the shiver that racked his whole body.

"Hello, my soulmate."

[sumitiper]

The text proper:

Like a machine, methodical, highly capable and logical. Unlike a machine, full of emotions, responsive to an absurdly large number of stimuli and creative. Humans, the creators of civilization, discoverers of how to use the environment to our needs and…. The one who will end up destroying the world? Hold that thought, I’ll get back to it.

In depressing situations, it feels like our batteries have been drained. Doing things, be they big or small, on low charge is hard. A vicious cycle tends to form as we fail to recharge. Escapism, procrastination and self depreciation plant thick and strong roots that are hard to remove.

A way to keep yourself motivated is maintaining a routine and using encouragement to your advantage. Striving for improvement is also a necessity, although it is important to recognize and accept that sometimes you will fail. Sometimes it becomes impossible to outdo yourself, and that’s fine, that’s normal. An important lesson is that consistency is key.

The progress chart of someone who is positively motivated does not look like it grows exponentially. There are peaks, plateaus and valleys. However, that person’s chart doesn’t fall permanently, the same way it doesn’t rise permanently. They know that constantly trying to ‘one-up’ themselves indefinitely and raging when falling short in an impossible task is not good. It is not the profile of someone who can keep themselves motivated.

Motivation is a question of determination, perseverance and mindfulness. Determined to accomplish, persevering to be able to thrive and mindful of what capacities an individual possesses and what they can hope to achieve. Furthermore, the potential to be motivated, even if just for a single thing, is inside all of us.

The marvelous things humanity has done could have never been possible without people who were motivated to see them through. There would have been no boats, no moon landing and no internet. Things accomplished through the collaboration of people with an objective in mind.

Many can often be demotivated by seeing all the horrible things happening in the world. Repression, hate and the catastrophic global emergency kill the will of many people. “What’s even the point of this reality now? We have condemned the planet!” Is what they’ll say. However, it is not just that cut and dry.

We are living in the most progressive and most advanced era of civilization. There are many problems that need to be solved and that has always been the case. Never has humanity not encountered difficulties and even if there were people with harmful intent, positivity and progress are still alive up to today.

The capacity humans have to destroy is gigantic. Plus, often times, it is way easier to destroy something than it is to build or rebuild. But the insurmountable human creativity, lies within the heart of everything built to further humanity. We can destroy, yes, but we can also build, create and problem solve. There have been existential threats that us humans have eradicated. We have made some diseases go extinct. We have made or discovered the universe through science and math. We have understood and learned many things with still many more to come.

A humanity with motivated people who seek to make the world and our lives better can never be stopped. No matter how many steps have been walked backwards, as long as we persevere and are determined to continue forward, nothing will be able to truly stop us.

ACERVO (S2 E10) Motivation

[6okuto]

Hiii I just love your work!! It's so beautifully written.. I also hope you're having an amazing day. I also have a sorta angsty-ish request...<<

Could you please do the M4 finding out MC was in the hunger games? And the fact that MC would probably have PTSD or other underlying mental health issues,, it'd be interesting to see what specifically Felix would do to help with the nightmares idk😳😳

I'm kinda going through my hunger games phase again..

HAVE AN AWESOME DAYYYYY❤️❤️❤️

warnings: coping with ptsd/anxiety/depression/etc. beautifully written.... thank u :[[ i hope U have a spectacular day

sage

sage's need to protect mc increases Exponentially with every detail that he hears about their life

one part of him wants them to stick near him so he can make sure nothing happens, and the other part is the one that says he needs to keep them away from the fighting as much as possible. it's,, a lot to figure out for the both of them

he promises he won't let them get hurt or used like that again (he doesn't bring up any violence or fighting specifically)

he does his best to stay aware of possibly triggers around and keeps an eye on mc in case they show signs of having a flashback/dissociating.

sage makes sure to take the time to figure out a plan beforehand in case something Does happen so that he doesn't make it worse

probably the best at empathizing with any anger and shares how he calms down and stays grounded. he also tries harder to keep himself calm around them

anisa

horrified, even with everything she's gone through herself. she can't imagine a society that'd work like that and is heartbroken mc was put through it

anisa can empathize with parts of it and offers different things she's tried over the years. it might not compare to like, modern therapy or medication, but she has a solid knowledge of what's available in astraea

she works to figure out a routine/schedule for them that involves keeping them busy and so she can help if they need it

^ it's also to try to help with any insomnia or trouble sleeping

before they go to sleep anisa always reminds them that she's there if they need help so they know she doesn't mind being woken up for whatever reason

puts Extra care into mc's room and things, making sure they're comfortable and happy with their space. she thinks it's really the least she can do

felix

can't believe it for a second just because it sounds...so dystopian,, his mind starts racing for how he can help and what to do

has had his fair share of nightmares over the years and wakes up to comfort and ground them without complaints. it's a lot of promises that they aren't there anymore and that they're safe here with him. felix reminds them that if they ever want to talk, he'll be there to listen. (he never forces them to, of course)

suggests that they can help take care of stella (for a sense of routine) and spend time around her if she makes them feel better

if there's any aid, magic or otherwise, to help them sleep better and work through anxiety/depression/etc. he Will find them

^ tbh he'd still have methods that helped him while healing from rime's death that he'll use from time to time

whatever desire felix has for mc to stay with astraea multiplies, and he's even More inclined to offer a place with him if they'd like

rime

feels like an asshole for everything he did/said finding out what mc went through. learning about their life also probably explained some of their personality/reactions

rime's actually very patient and understanding if mc gets angry or lashes out without meaning to

figures out some signals so that mc can tell him when they're nervous or don't feel well like tugging on his clothes or hand

tells them that nothing that happened to them was their fault and that whatever they had to do, he'd never shame them for it

if something like holding ice until it melts (really anything with ice) helps mc ground themself he'll get some for them easily

careful about coming up from behind and not scaring them

Does rime try to spoil them after finding out? maybe. yes... if he doesn't have money he'd get felix to help tbh. it's things that they mentioned always wanting and also different things that are to help with coping/comforting in case he isn't around

tags // @evanox @felixescellun @yelenalovegood @rimeliker @demon-paradise @pst-02 @diamo-chan @chubbywasouski @god-is-trans @sweet-milky-tea705 @felixismytrophywife @bananacockatiel @yoyo-campfire @azahelmz

the taglist form 👍

[elementalsight]

It Gets Better

It’s weird to be 37. It’s weird enough I thought I was turning 36 today, until I did the math. Whoops. So I’m 37 and yes time is a construct and Covid has absolutely taught us it means almost nothing and so on and so forth and yet here I am and I’m doing, despite everything, pretty well. And I look back at 17 (per the quote I reblogged last night) and I think: I did not expect to live this long. It isn’t quite the admission I want to be leaving on FB, but Tumblr’s the weirdly honest admission space, so here we are. I survived. I survived bullying and depression and being queer and very confused. I survived abuse and unknown sickness and cancer and bad living situations. I survived pain days that left me in literal tears, and exhaustion that had me sleeping 19 hours out of 24. I survived disordered eating and two near suicide attempts and having no real support group and terrible breakups with people I loved with all my heart. And it got better. I did not believe it would, when I was 14, 17, 22. It was hard to believe it would, then. And I am not exactly better myself - I’m chronically ill, and chronically poor. But I have found my place and my way and my people, and while it teeters precariously and capitalism is a vulture waiting for the moment I fail and tomorrow is terrifying and unknown: I’m here. I’m alive. I’m happy.  It got better. So if you’re 17 and think it won’t. It probably will. And I hope it does exponentially more for you, and soon, but don’t hesitate to grant yourself some patience. Time to love yourself. Time to make yourself safe, and make spaces that are for you and yours to belong in. 

[verbosebabbler]

I'm going to give my own little assessment on bits of info revealed in my decoding of the codex, so read before or alongside for context, but I will give the overall summary from the end of this above the cut.

Overall theme seems to be that obsession whittles you down until there's nothing left and what's left is something else, no longer you. Parker thinks it's pure. In the world of Zampanio, this process seems to be able cause physical change or metamorphosis as seen in Wodin to Wanda.

Witherby is described as just some guy. The wording is similar to how the Intern is described. Doubt this is relevant, but still suspicious given this work's themes of changing self.

The Twins showcase how sometimes that seeing through the void could obscure things, in reference to the blackout poem like writing Neville made of Devona's information, but maybe a larger theme.

Yongki's story details are incoherent to me. "Any mirror that reflects him (Yongki) captures you, takes you, replaces you with you. The you here is confusing. Is it referring to the audience? Literally or metaphorically? Is it referring to Wanderer who can only be described with "you" pronouns? IDK, but it brings up themes of the self changing.

K is an attention whore and will sell his soul for attention (this is a joking way to refer to it, but yeah, the selling soul may reflect back on the themes of changing self.

Vik's (_'s) entry says that if giving oneself to something else at the sacrifice of what makes you 'you', what is left when that something is gone?

Parker's mentions how being isekai'd twice "sands you down" and "makes you pure". This is in reference to his ascension(?) process where he became detached from the things he knew.

Wanda's is pretty on theme. They wandered "Truth's Temple", whittling down parts of themselves until there was nothing left, then went through a literal transformation into Wanda, emerging as a Lord class (as referenced in the Quotidian details), and retroactively always making Zampanio when the Flower helped her out of her depression.

Quotidian's story section reveals these guys are actually manifestations of web-crawler bots Wodin original made, attendants to fit Wanda's needs. There's also some swayed by other False Creators. No clue there yet.

Zampanio: This long section described the process memetically spreads through other fandoms. There is the line "If Memes are the DNA of the Soul…what is Zampanio doing to outs?" implying the memetic properties of Zampanio is changing the one interacting with it in ways.

Also, there is a list of things JR has seen crossover with Zampanio. Like with how knowledge of Sburb, Lobotomy Corps, and Magus Archives may help with understanding Zampanio, these may help further understanding.

To give the more unknown examples. One is rain world. This is where the slug cats the Herald uses comes from I believe. "The Obscure Game" I have no clue about. There's a 2004 survival horror game named ObsCure, but I feel that specific spelling would be used if it was referencing that. There is an itchio game called "An Obscure Game" which is the closest thing I can find. "Polo" is this referencing the sport? It's so broad I can't find if it means something in specific. "The Way Ahead" looking it up seems to refer to a 1944 British World War II Drama film?? I mean, it wouldn't be the first old movie reference in the zampanio sphere but still.

I don't know why, but I can't decipher what the Novum Mirror actually does. Like a problem of me conceptually grasping it. But if Yongki interacts with it it may allow the alternate universe exponential access to our universe, whatever that means.

Tyrfing: I still don't know his deal much, but he is a follower of Nidhogg stuck in this universe where Nidhogg can't reach. And Rod, Rebel, and Melon are "clones hateful to Tyfings eyes" whatever that means. Maybe has something to do with Wigglersim since that's referenced.

Unending spiraling life (Nidhogg) has no place in Unending spiraling thoughts (inside the Echidna).

[nightbloomwitch]

All the Wizards I've Loved Before - Inspirations for the Darkling: Introduction

Holding myself accountable: Earlier this year, before the release of the show, I very foolishly stated on Twitter that I would put together a masterpost compiling all the research I've done into the history of the Grishaverse, including the marketing of the books, Leigh's interviews and social media posts (RIP Leigh's tumblr, but screenshots are forever), and other significant events in the fandom.

Life and health and the desire to read and write about other, less depressing things got in the way of that project, as those things tend to do, but the utterly disgraceful behaviour of antis in the fandom has pushed me over the edge, and I've finally managed to make a start on it.

So, let's talk about wizards. (Gosh, I just love wizards so much, can't you tell?)

Out of the blue, in mid-April of 2021, Leigh posted a series of notes on Shadow & Bone on Goodreads, including the following:

This comment was immediately latched onto by antis, who held it up as irrefutable evidence of that old chestnut which is consistently weaponised to attack Darklinas - that the Darkling is based on an unknown abusive ex-partner of Leigh's.

For obvious reasons, the post does not contain a lot of details about the relationship or the other person involved. We as readers have no right to expect or demand that Leigh share her trauma with us. I wholly believe that Leigh has experienced the abuse she has told us about on more than one occasion, and that her experiences have had a significant impact on her fiction.

Nonetheless, if we read the comment carefully, we can see that it refers to Leigh's experience of feeling scared, of feeling trapped in a bad situation, but at no point does it mention any specific traits of an individual person, nor does it mention the character of the Darkling.

I have no desire to speculate too thoroughly about Leigh's experiences and how they may or may not relate to her books. To do that would be to put words in her mouth and make assumptions in bad faith. It only seems right to limit commentary on the connection between her personal life and her books to things that she has very clearly and provably stated.

I've heard many, many times this story that "in an interview"/"in a video"/"years ago" she had stated that the Darkling was based on an ex-partner, however I have never been able to find the evidence of this.

(If anyone has a copy or a genuine, verifiable citation for the statement, please, please, please share it with the class).

If true, that statement would have been in contradiction with every other time she has answered this question. Over the years, she has clearly and consistently stated that the Darkling was inspired by a number of other fictional wizards, and she has never made mention of any real person:

Now, as someone who (for better and for worse) had the same teenage taste in fiction as Leigh, this is ob-vi-ous. I haven't read ASOIAF so I can't speak about Sandor Clegane (Yet. I know I can't run avoid those books forever), but all the other books and films on this list I have read or watched many times, and obsessed over in certain periods of my life.

It's certainly the case that Leigh and I don't have the same interpretation of these characters and the stories they're in, but there'll be plenty of time to get into that later.

Interpretations aside, the line joining the dots of this ancestral chain of wizards culminating in the Darkling is drawn in great big rainbow crayon, you can't possibly miss it.

And yet, so many people do.

The fandom has grown exponentially since the announcement of the show, and it's been wonderful to see so many talented artists, writers, editors, cosplayers (and more) falling in love with Alina and the Darkling, and letting Alina and the Darkling fall in love with each other (as they should).

But sadly, in this fallen, post-vld world (never forget), wherever there are shippers, antis are sure to follow. It's so sad to see that the kind, creative, hilarious Darklina fandom - one of the most welcoming I've ever been in - is constantly beset by antis who come unbidden into our spaces, send death threats over fictional wizards kissing, pressure Darklinas into sharing their own traumatic experiences only to then claim that they must be lying, and accuse Darklinas of "disrespecting Leigh's trauma" (which, it must be said, she chose to put into the world in the form of fantasy fiction, rather than autobiography).

This should never be allowed to happen, in any fandom, but those with the real influence over the audience - Leigh, the publishers, Netflix and the showrunners - remain wilfully blind to the problem of toxic antis in the fandom, and have done the absolute bare minimum to defend and support Darklinas. Leigh's cutesy comments about "all ships being welcome in the harbour" do ring rather hollow at this point.

One day (I very foolishly say again) the masterpost will appear. But every journey begins with a single step.

For my own peace of mind, in an attempt to do something, anything, to try and correct the record on this issue, I've decided to reread and rewatch every single one of Leigh's inspirations (as for ASOIAF, we'll see), and write about each in detail, for the purpose of proving once and for all that her words are true, and that immortal wizards with dark powers, world-ruling ambitions, traumatic childhoods, and a reluctant fondness for pretty sunshine girls are, in fact, entirely fictional (an absolute travesty, I know), and therefore cannot commit murder and abuse against real people.

Here's the list of texts and characters we'll be discussing, in order:

Dragonlance Legends: Time of the Twins, Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman - Raistlin & Crysania

Legend, Ridley Scott - Lord of Darkness and Princess Lili

Eyes of the Dragon, Stephen King - Randall Flagg

Dragonlance Legends: War of the Twins

Labyrinth, Jim Henson - Jareth & Sarah

The Stand, Stephen King - Randall Flagg (again) & Nadine

ASoIaF, George RR Martin - Sandor Clegane

The Vampire Chronicles, Anne Rice - Lestat

Dragonlance Legends: Test of the Twins

The Dark Tower, Stephen King - Walter O'Dim/Marten Broadcloak (alias, you guessed it, Randall Flagg)

There will be copious, unmarked spoilers for all of the above, so keep that in mind if you're planning to read/watch and spoilers are something that bothers you.

The "draft" version of this series will be cross-posted from Twitter; you can also follow along there @Nightbloomwitch

The version posted here will be tidied up and expanded, and will include proper citations.

This analysis will be limited to the books only, since the show's creative team have cited different influences for the show and don't appear to have referred to any of the above texts. I have a lot of thoughts about the relevance of S&B (books and show) to Jane Eyre (both the novel and the 2011 Fukunaga adaptation), but those will have to be the subject of a separate post.

Contents

Part 1 - Dragonlance Legends: Time of the Twins, Introduction and The Meeting (prologue)

Book 1

Chapters 1-4, 6 - POV structure, genre, themes, Robert Graves' The White Goddess

Chapters 5, 7 - Forests as liminal spaces, use of worldbuilding for foreshadowing, Alexander the Great, Jane Eyre, The Language of Thorns

Chapter 8 - the volcra

Chapters 6, 9 - the mage Test and DitW (backstories), immortality, combination of dark and holy powers, legendary wizards and magical macguffins

Chapter 11 - Journey to the Palace/Tower, seduction

Chapters 12-14 - Worldbuilding with light and darkness, symbolism, advocacy for the 'villain'

Book 2

Chapters 1-3 - ego/shadow/Outsider plots

Chapters 8-9, 11 - Jung and alchemical symbolism, reveal scenes

[fairlyspnfanfic]

The Ties That Bind Us - Part Six

Summary: When your past comes back to haunt you, who will prevail?  Hunting had been your life since your were 4 years old.  The monsters that started you on that path were resurfacing, and you knew what you had to do.  But nothing is ever truly secret, and nothing is ever that cut and dry with the Winchester’s in tow.

A/N: This is a new one that is coming from a few requests.  I’m not going to post the actual requests because…well because it would spoil the story line and I’m pretty into this one.

Words: 2167

Warnings: Trauma, medical terminology, stress, hospital waiting room, tears, anesthesia

PART ONE  PART TWO  PART THREE PART FOUR PART FIVE

Dean stood alone in the washroom; the mortar full of ingredients sitting scorched on the floor.  He swept his hands through his hair and walked over to the sink, quickly grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser and beginning to work on cleaning up the paint from the trap on the floor. It took mere moments, but it felt like an eternity.  While he was tossing the remnants of his spell into the trash bin, a loud insistent knock was again rapping at the door.  

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. “Keep your shirt on.”

“Dean!” Sam was yelling outside the door, continuing to pound on the cheap, grey wood.  

Shit, Dean thought to himself as he rushed to finish the rest of his cleanup. Once the last of the traces of his work had been disposed of, he yanked the door open and breezed past his brother wordlessly.  

“What the hell, Dean?” Sam’s indignant voice trailed behind him.  “What did you do?”  

The accusation in his words was not unfounded, but still, it left Dean enraged. “What are you talking about, Sam?”  Dean’s voice was sharp and dismissive as he spat the words at him, his face scrunched up into a defensive glare.  

The youngest Winchester caught up with him within a few strides as he reached out and grabbed Dean’s shoulder, forcing Dean to turn around and face him.  

“Don’t do that,” Sam pleaded.  “Just don’t.”  

“What, a guy can’t take a dump?”  

Sam glared at his brother, leaving the silence between them thick and expectant.  

“Come on Sam, we have to get back in there. Y/N’s depending on us.”  

Sam nodded his head, disappointment evident in his stance, as they both walked back towards the waiting room.  

Immediately, Dean began pacing between the aisles of seats, his long legs bowing out as he did so.  He was listless and his hands alternated between running through his hair and yanking on his own neck in a vain attempt to relax the beyond strained muscles.  

The doors to the surgical hallway flew open and the same doctor that had spoken with them before came rushing towards them, her eyes bulged out in surprise as she locked onto the boys.  

“Doc,” Dean’s voice was full of anguish as he strode up to her, meeting her just outside the rows of seats.  He remained silent, waiting for the update she undoubtedly was there to give him.  

"Tell me she’s alright,” Sam whispered, walking up next to Dean.  The doctor remained silent.  Dean let out a sigh, lowering his head over his crossed arms.  He was all stress, panic and anxiety in human form.

The doctor opened her mouth to start speaking but came up empty as her mouth closed again.  After several false starts without explanation, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.  

“We’re going to need some sort of words here, doc.”  Dean’s jovial voice was hiding his tension and impatience, but he remained unsatisfied as the woman continued her silence.  

“She’s not,” Dean began, unwilling to finish the sentence.  “No,” he stuttered. “No, she can’t be.  She’s not gone.  Tell me she’s not gone.”  

Sam laid a comforting hand on his brother’s shoulder and stepped in front of him. “Dean, it’s okay.”  He sniffed, unable to control the tears forming in his eyes as they began to fall.  

“No,” Dean began muttering to himself, his eyes wide and fixated on the floor. “No, she said...she was supposed to fix it.  We had a deal.”  His words strung together haphazardly.  Dean could hear his own heart pounding faster and faster.  “No,” he whispered.  

I opened my eyes violently; the dryness of them sending pain and discomfort through me.  I could feel my head pounding, but the pressure in my chest overrode all of it.  As much as I tried, I couldn’t take a breath.  My lungs felt as if they were solid bricks, useless in their emptiness.  I struggled against whatever was blocking them, attempting to take gasp after gasp of fresh air that wouldn’t come.  All I could feel was pain.  My pounding head, aching eyes, useless lungs, and beyond bruised body fought against every survival instinct I had.  

“Oh my God,” I heard a man’s voice yell out.  I lifted my hands to my face and began clawing at the foreign objects that seemed stuck inside of my mouth, arms and chest.  

“No, no, no!” Panicked voices surrounded me as blurred shadows began rushing around me, poking and prodding me at every juncture, as though my threshold for pain was exponentially larger than it actually was.  

“Calm down, Y/N.”  A soothing voice rang in my ear.  “We need to close you up now,” she sang.  “But to do that, you have to sleep.”  

I attempted to speak, wanting nothing more than to scream at the people around me, to tell them no, to make the torment stop, but words were beyond my reach.   “The machines are breathing for you, Y/N.  Don’t fight them.  A little more rest and you can wake back up.  But for now,” she crooned.  “You need to sleep.”  

I watched her fingers grabbing at a tube as another set of hands gave her a vial which she quickly depressed into the tubing between her fingers.  Within seconds, my eyelids drooped, and my head became heavy, my vision fuzzier than before.  And before I could protest, I had drifted into a dreamless, nightmarish sleep.  

The panic in Dean’s chest had begun to consume him as it seemed like the very ground beneath him had given way.  He sank to his knees, kneeling on the floor with his head cradled between his hands.  His cheeks were covered in the salty streaks of his own tears as he took deep breaths, attempting to find some hint that this was all an awful dream.  

Sam moved in front of him, his legs blocking Dean from view.  The doctor stared at him with wide, unblinking eyes, as if she were in shock.  

“You need to say the words, Doc.”  Sam crossed his arms, swallowing the lump in his throat as the tears that his eyelids had been successfully keeping at bay finally fell.  “I need to hear the words, or I won’t believe it.”  He stressed each word, holding on to hope that all of their assumptions were wrong.  

He watched as the doctor finally raised her line of sight to meet his eyes and shook her head slightly as if bringing herself back to the present.  “She’s awake,” she said.  

Sam’s eyes lurched open as his arms fell to his sides.  “What?”  

The doctor shook her head again, confusion clearing as she did so.  “She woke up.  During surgery. She woke up momentarily.”  Her explanation did little to settle the worry that laid heavy throughout the room.  “We had to sedate her, but she did wake up for a moment.”  

Sam lifted his hand and pulled it down his face, grasping his chin as he did so.  “What does that mean?”  His question came out much calmer than he felt.  

“It’s a good sign,” the doctor began.  “Typically, with this kind of trauma, there wouldn’t be more than a ten percent chance of survival.”  Her words did little to provide any comfort.  “But we’ve repaired the damage and she’s in the recovery room now.  It’s going to take a while for her to wake up since we had to sedate her again, but it’s a good sign.”  

Sam took a deep breath, reaching down behind him to grab Dean’s arm.  He pulled him up and forced him to stand.  “Dean,” he said, smacking his hand against his brother’s chest and pointing towards the doctor.  

Dean looked up hesitantly as he made eye contact with the doctor again.  “She’s in the recovery room,” she explained again.  “It’ll be a couple of hours before she’ll be in her own room, but once she is, you’re welcome to see her.”  

“Her body, you mean.”  Dean’s words were painted with defeat.  

“No, Dean.”  Sam turned around, looking at his brother pointedly.  “She’s alive.”  Dean’s eyes flicked over to his brother’s as he let out a breath, allowing more tears to fall down his cheeks.  

My eyelids were so heavy.  Like steel doors that had been locked shut, and I was powerless to move them.  But I could feel the moisture of my own tears leaking through them as they dripped down my cheeks and across my lips.  All I could feel was pain.  The gravel in my chest that seemed to expand with each involuntary breath that I hadn’t initiated.  The sharp, shooting pain that was radiating out from my back.  The pounding in my head that felt as though my temples were trapped in a vice that was constantly being tightened.  It was unreal and I didn’t think I could, or that I’d want, to cope with it.  

Every part of me was scorching.  That same sort of burning feeling that only seemed to happen when you were too cold, freezing from the inside out.  I attempted to move, urging my knees to bend and scoot me away from the frozen fire that felt as though it were seconds away from consuming me.  My lazy, thick voice whined into the emptiness as I urged myself to plead for help.  The only sound that came out was muffled and nonsensical.  

But within seconds, I felt warm fingers snaking themselves around my hand, intertwining my fingers with them.  The warmth and comfort that originated there began to spread, and I poured all of my strength into flexing my fingers and squeezing the hand of my hero that had alleviated some of my agony.  

“Mom?” My voice was almost unrecognizable.  As though I was speaking through a thick layer of fabric that had been woven over my voice box.  

“Shhh,” a soothing voice rang out as another hand swept across my forehead.  “You’re going to be just fine, Y/N.”  I knew that voice.  I would recognize it even if I were dead.  And yet, I couldn’t identify it for the life of me.  

“I’ve got you, sweetheart.”  Two lips pressed themselves gently to my forehead, leaving an aura of safety and respite from my aching body.  

“Dad?” I questioned.  

“Y/N?” Another voice called out to me, but from the other side of the room.  “We’re here, Y/N.  Sam and Dean,” it answered me.  “We’re right here.”  

I pursed my eyebrows together, still unable to open my eyes.  Sam and Dean were there.  I knew that their presence meant I was safe.  That the terror of not knowing where I was or why everything hurt so much should ebb away.  But every part of me wanted to scream at them.  To push them away for pulling me back from the perfect peace I had found with my parents.  I could still hear the waves crashing on the beach and remember the feel of my mother’s hand in mine.  But all the contentment and ease had gone and been replaced with suffering.  

“Hey, hey relax Y/N. It’s okay.” Dean’s voice attempted to soothe me as he pushed my hair behind my ear, gently cradling my face.  

“No,” I murmured.  “I want to go back.”  My words came out as whispers, but their intent was sincere.  

Dean relaxed his grip on my hand. “What?” he asked.  But no more words were able to push through my lips.  The tears that had been quietly dripping slowly from my eyes now became a deluge as my eyes and chest were wracked with sobs.  The pain that shot through me with each violent spasm was disorienting and overwhelming, but the tears wouldn’t stop, and my heaving breaths were undeterred.  

My fingers dug into Dean’s hand, desperate to keep him close to me as I pulled him towards the bed.  I was able to curl my legs up into myself, ignoring the pain shooting through my abdomen as I did so, as I pulled Dean’s hand ever closer to me.  

“Hey, hey, hey,” his voice rang out like velvet.  “I’m here,” he said as I felt the bed depress next to me as his legs pressed against mine.  His arm wrapped around my shoulders as he slowly released my hand, holding me close to him and pressing a kiss to the top of my head.  

The sobs that had sped through me began to calm as I buried my face into his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of evergreen and freshly cut wood.  

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, his arms keeping me enveloped into him.  

Deep breath after deep breath of his intoxicating musk had calmed my tears and slowed my breathing back to normal.  The sharp stabbing pain had localized and no longer radiated out to every molecule of my being.  Within minutes, I drifted off, terrified of any dream that I may have that could never compare to where I had just been.  

To be continued….

Part Seven

Taglist (Tag requests are open):

@vicmc624 @waywardprincesa @heyyy-hey-babyyy  @carissime72  @deans-baby-momma  @formulafun  @woodworthti666  @yetanotherreader  @crashlyrose  @hobby27  @gabby913  @jxackles  @polina-93 @supernaturaladdictsblog  @fandomoverdose666  @deans-baby-momma  @deanwanddamons  @tazzi-baby  @acertainhero  @lilulo-12

(Desperate attempt to get my faves to notice me) @thinkinghardhardlythinking @smol-and-grumpy @wonder-cole-reads @watermelonlipstick @that-one-gay-girl @waywardbaby

[pyrodigy]

     this is an independent, low-activity + selective roleplay blog for diluc ragnvindr of genshin impact !

.mun

     my name’s eph, my pronouns are they/them, im a 24yo enby canadian. the only things you ought to know about me is that english is not my first language (i appreciate your indulgence !), i have a full-time job and live alone (i appreciate your patience !) and im a victim of seasonal depression, on the autism spectrum, and with a case of adhd to top it off (i appreciate your understanding !). i also live and breathe genshin impact and i’m a diluc kinnie (derogatory) (this is only half sarcastic, i dont actually believe in kins but i do identify with his character a lot). if despite all this i’m still someone you’d like to engage with outside of rp (whether to talk about rp or genshin or anything else), feel free to add me on discord (eph#2409) or genshin (NA server, 608960533). just give me heads up first so i know who your are, my DMs are open to everyone !

.muse

     you can find all manners of info on his about page, but here’s a quick handy rundown for the short attention-spanned. diluc is a 23 years young gentleman from mondstadt who runs a winery and related establishments he inherited from his late father. he is the richest person from this nation due to how very popular drinking is in his country. he does not personally care for alcohol whatsoever, though, and only bothers to maintain the trade out of a sense of duty for his culture and his (late/estranged) family, and for the influential advantages of being deemed wealthy and important enough in the eyes of aristocrats and foreigners. he is a pyro wielder who puts much more heart into his (k)nightly activities, where he dons a secret persona and fights off any force he deems threatening to mondstadt, whether physical or political. when he’s not playing along to the eligible bachelor image forced onto him, trauma and attachment issues tend to make him come across as quite aloof and curt, but he is nonetheless a very caring and generous individual.

.rules

     you can once again find the full version on the proper page (which i would appreciate be read entirely if you’re going to interact with this blog), but here are the big lines: i established this blog as @dawnsdarkside back in october 2020 and remade it in april 2021 as to better curate my dash experience, seeing as the genshin fanbase keeps growing exponentially. as such, i can be very deliberate about unfollowing/soft-blocking when something makes me remotely feel out of place/inadequate. it’s not personal, please understand this ! i also only interact with adults (18+) for comfort and safety reasons. i count on my mutuals’ courtesy (not using me as a meme source, not following just to get a follow back, not god-modding/powerplaying/info-modding during threads, and generally showing basic respect in displaying no racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic/transphobic behavior of any kind, etc.) to keep this a pleasant safe-space.

.interactions

     that all being said, this post also serves as a permanent starter call of sorts, which is my way of knowing who’s legitimately interested in engaging with me and my muse ! so please do leave a like on this post if it’s okay for me to write you starters or send you asks unprompted, approach you with questions about your muse(s) and ideas for interactions, send you questions from memes or like your starter calls, and just interact with you in general. if you’re a multi-muse, i’d also appreciate if you could reply to this post to specify which one(s) you’d like to engage diluc with (even if it’s all/any of them !)

thank you for reading ! ❤