#does he want me to become even more delusional than i already am? because he really doesn’t have to try so hard….

[hyuckmov]

JING please do something i am begging

…... haechan i am not your strongest soldier

[showsandstuff]

Ways to make a Dale Dimmadome redemption work:

Hi! So, as a self proclaimed Dale Dimmadome redemption truther, I wanted to make this post explaining why a redemption is, in my opinion, very much possible. (I am not nearly as confident about this as I am pretending to be)

Buckle up, this'll be a long one folks!

First, why do I think a Dale redemption could happen? Let's go through it:

It's still a kids show. I find the conclusion to the story that Dale will never love his son a bit grim for a show for children. You could of course make it work by using the found family trope with Peri instead, plus there are plenty of kids shows that have used the evil father of secondary character/antagonist trope, without the father getting a redemption but I do think a Dale redemption is the most satisfying conclusion for this show.

Even Remy Buxaplentys parents started caring for Remy at some point, so I got hope. Though to be fair, they were incredibly one note.

His past with Vicky makes him a bit more sympathetic. Knowing what he went through in his childhood, it makes sense he probably wouldn't know what a child needs. I'm just saying it means there's room for improvement

He emotionally neglects Dev, but his physical needs are met. Which is something, right? Like Yay... And all...

We don't know if Dale doesn't love Dev. I think there's a possibility that he does care but just doesn't know it because he's taken his child for granted. That's not an excuse of course, but it would make a redemption more plausibel. If Dale genuinely does not love Dev whatsoever, I'll give up on my redemption hope.

How could they pull it off, if at all?

Assuming that Dale does love Dev, deep deeeep down, and just doesn't realize it because he's so focused on his company, the best way to show this is through a choice.

Dev doing things that benefit the company has never helped their relationship, Dale just gets happy because Money and it doesn't make him appreciate his son more, Dev just becomes someone useful to him.

But if Dev causes Dale to lose money, that's a good start to see what Dale truly prioritizes deep down.

Dale choosing Dev over his company is what I need if they decide to redeem him. I need Dale in one way or another show us that he truly cares. Maybe have Dale spend so much money to find and save Dev, that his company goes bankrott? Or have his company explodes and Dale's main concern could be Devs wellbeing. Or Dev goes behind his father's back and intentionally hurts the company, but instead of lashing out at Dev, Dale reflects on himself.

Now... That's all incredibly out of character for Dale and I would hate for an unearned redemption. I'd need there to be a lot of build up to that moment, some foreshadowing that hints at Dale not feeling entirely indifferent about Dev. Small moments, nothing too grand. Maybe he'd be worried if he finds out that he had left Dev with Vicky at one Point, and that could be the catalyst to show us that he isn't as awful as we were shown previously.

And after we had enough of those moments and already have a feel that Dale isn't all uncaring, we get to the grand moment where Dale shows us through his actions that in truth, he cares far more about his kid than his cash. It would feel earned and not be out of nowhere then.

Now before yall call me delusional, I know that this is extremely unrealistic and I'm just setting myself up if these are my expectations. Good thing they aren't. I do expect Dev to have something equivalent of his father's love at the end of the show, but that's it.

Here are some examples of what I actually believe would happen:

Hazel and Dev become friends (again) but this time their friendship is explored more. Maybe Dev also befriends Hazel's friends and finds fulfillment through that. (although I think that'll happen regardless and would be unsatisfying if that was all we got)

Involving Peri in this mess and giving him a character arc of his own would work as well. He realizes that Dev doesn't need a Fairy to be happy because, as Cosmo said in the finale, what Dev truly wants isn't something he can get through wishes. Dev, being super rich, is already used to getting "stuff", but love isn't stuff. So Peri basically becoming a parental figure for Dev, which is what he is supposed to be as a godparent anyway, could work. Besides, Peri already solidified himself in this role in the finale when he told Dev that he cared about him. It was a heartwarming moment. We all loved it so ofc we would want more of that.

Anything involving Irep, another Fairy or even Timmy. Dev needs someone that cares for him. My top three go to characters are obviously Peri, Hazel and Dale, but they're not the only ones that could fulfill that role. We just need to wait and see what the writers do.

So yea, a Dale redemption is my first pick for a season 2 finale (or technically my first pick is a hint at a Dale redemption in the s2 finale and the actual redemption happens way later because slow burn) but I do understand that it's pretty unlikely and would be very much satisfied with Peri becoming his godparent with Emphasis on parent, or even the power of friendship with Hazel, though that'd be harder to execute without it feeling cheap (I got faith in the writers)

So this was very long. And I am going to sleep now. Thanks for reading.

[frenzyinme]

cold summer - simon riley x fem!reader

MDNI, rough sex, PiV, angst (also pinch of comfort if you're delusional like i am)

It’s always cold with Simon. Even in midsummer, when the sun relentlessly scorches already dry earth, when the air is thick and hard to swallow and when the last thing on your mind is to cling to his body covered with scars, sweat and the scent of bonfire.

His dark eyes pierce right through you, but you never feel seen. His calloused hands wander through your body and pin you to the wall – never to the bed, because you’re not his lover and you never will be. Just remnants of a butterfly trapped behind the glass. One you can look at, but never touch. And so you die again and again in his arms, but you always remain invisible.

He’s distant even when he’s balls deep inside you, when his cock painfully stretches your tight cunt, or when his ragged breath falls on your lips and you both breathe in unison.

But you welcome it all – more than eagerly. You wrap your legs around his middle to meet his thrusts and look into his dark, incredulous eyes. Because you want him. No, scratch that… you need him. With all his ragged past and tentative future. And you welcome the waiting and the yearning that drills a bottomless hole in your chest – a wound that will never heal.

Unless he allows it.

You offer him open-mouth kisses and trail the path from his ear to the neck. Inhaling and losing yourself within him. And when his breath hitches and halts, when his movements become erratic, and his grip around your waist tightens, you’re almost sure that one day… maybe even tonight when he fills you up, or maybe when he comes back to you again after a never-ending mission and months of silence… he will touch you like you belong to him, look at you like you’re his good girl. And even if no words were to escape his lips, you will know that all these unsaid wounds that you agreed to share with him, wouldn’t go for nothing.

It hurts when Simon grabs your thigh, dips his fingers in your flesh and stretches you to his liking, but it’s all worth it when you feel the ghost of lips on your collarbone. He’s whispering something, you think… it’s the same sentence over and over again, but your mind is already coated with the blissful haze. His other hand slides down your body, gently, borderline reverently, as if he was committing you to memory…

You furrow your brow, annoyed that his words escaped your ears. Incoherent pleas linger on your tongue… But tonight he doesn’t want to leave your prayers unanswered. And so his lips touch yours. The kiss is tender. Soft, almost loving and unreal. It is in such contrast to what he does to your cunt and your heart, that you melt in his embrace.

His thumb draws circles on your clit making you shiver and lean on him completely. Skin to skin, you’re sharing everything, even if he doesn’t give you all you want and doesn’t take the love you so keenly offer. It is feverish and heated… but you can still feel the prickling of cold needles on the back of your neck – the everpresent threat of him leaving.

And then his lips part again, right next to the shell of your ear. He stills inside you and a deep growl reverberates from his chest.

“You’ll wait for me,” he says. His voice is not one a question, nor a plea. But his eyes glimmer differently… with shades of hurt you’ve never seen before. Almost as if he was anticipating your answer. Or maybe that’s what you want to see in him.

You plant both hands on the sides of his face, feeling his stubble and an almost unnoticeable twitch of his tensed muscles.

“You know I always do,” your voice is a broken whisper as you swallow tears.

It’s cold and bittersweet. Or maybe it’s so hot, that it messes up with all your senses. Stings of pain turn into pleasure.

Simon nods. He’s not going to say anything else and you know it well, but your heart still impatiently awaits any confirmation. Even just a hint of it.

Instead… he leans into you, his face buried in the crook of your neck, kissing and biting and licking your skin clean of all the sweat. Then he starts fucking you hard. Pressing himself into you, spreading your legs even wider, bruising your soft walls so much that the pain of it makes you squirm. And for this brief moment, it feels like you belong to him. You trust that right now  Simon Riley is yours, that your name’s on his lips, that all his thoughts go around you, you… you. And it will remain like this even after he spills into you and swallows your screams in a clashing kiss, teeth and tongues.

There are no goodbyes. Just a soft touch of his palm on your cheek, his thumb on your shivering, bottom lip. He steps back, and you’re immediately burned with cold air. How is that even possible in the middle of summer? His eyes distant, as if you already were oceans apart.

But he will come back.

He always does.

Or at least that’s what you whisper to yourself, once he locks the door.

[m0llystars]

"it's over" "he won the election" some of you people are actually so fucking weak holy shit. what the hell is giving up in This kind of time especially going to do? none of this shit matters at all until you're able to actually make ur choice. yeah this is all fucking crazy and it's gonna def rile up even more people on the right to vote, but especially considering that this is gonna be people like me's first ever presidential election where i can actually vote too, it's not like it's one way. i wouldn't be surprised if the right's been struggling to attract more people to rally behind them beyond their current base, which has been dwindling, and only leading to them becoming more desperate and more outlandish in what they want to accomplish because they're only ever good at catering to the following they have rather than pulling more people in; and those people are getting mad old and only more nasty and unhinged with time. ofc there's younger people getting pipelined into it, but beyond that? outside looking in, nothing about what they're going on about is remotely fucking sane-sounding to the average person.

polls do not mean anything. propaganda and people making edits of politicians that go hard as fuck now that the guy missed and there's cool pics of it, does not mean anything. if you already know what choice you're going to make, none of this should mean literally anything. have maybe a bit of fucking backbone behind what you believe in. i don't like being public about this kind of thing but one thing i am strongly and forever will be strongly annoyed with is people wallowing in misery and contributing to doomerposting/doomscrolling. you have right to be upset, obviously this is upsetting, but the second you start talking like you have to give up now, that's when you gotta shut the fuck up for everyone else's sake. maybe that's naive of me to still think things can get better, but maybe i'd rather be a bit delusional-sounding to yall than perpetually miserable

[chippedshake]

Am I just fixing it just to break it?

Sodapop curses quietly as he gets up from the couch again. He could swear it hasn't been five minutes since he last stopped them from fighting, but they're at it again and now he has to talk them down. Again.

It's something stupid, for a change. Ponyboy hasn't done his homework for tomorrow and now he's peppering Darry with questions about the properties of... something.

"It was assigned last Friday, Pony, I don’t get why you're doing it now."

"Because I forgot! And your griping isn't helping any, it isn't gonna be done yesterday because you want it to be."

"But you can change your bad habits so it doesn't happen again. I swear, if I didn't see your report card, I'd think you just couldn't think."

"Can't you just lay off for once? Jesus, I just asked about what the octet rule was, it's not like I’m asking you to explain everything from scratch."

"No, I can't lay off, because if it was up to you, you'd singlehandedly ruin your whole future!"

Am I just hanging on, just so we can drown?

Is it even worth it, patching them up for them to just keep on fighting the next day? Is there any point to it? Or is he just pushing the same rock up the same hill every day only for gravity to beat him before he reaches the top?

Like the love we thought we found, no

When Darry had told them he was going to get custody over them, Soda had thought that it would bring them together. He never imagined sunshine and rainbows, but he thought they would become closer than they already were, have a bond forged in sweat and tears, not just blood.

But maybe it didn't count if the tears were cried alone and the sweat was just at work.

We're hoping that we don't just hit the ground

Every night, before he goes to sleep, Sodapop closes his eyes and prays that tomorrow will be different. He prays for his brothers to understand each other’s side, for them to finally listen to him, for them to finally see each other.

Because Soda may be stupid, but he's not delusional. He knows they won't last long like this, with fights every night about curfew and homework and dinner and textbooks. But there's no end in sight. How do you make someone see what they're desperately avoiding?

I've been pulling you close, but pushing me further

It takes him a couple months to realise he's lying to his brothers. He's pulling away, pretending like he's fine, like everything's fine, because he doesn't know any better.

It takes him a couple months to realise that his parents died too. That he's supposed to take time to grieve and get over their deaths on his own terms.

It takes him a couple months to realise that he doesn't even know himself anymore because he's been shoving his own feelings and thoughts down to make way for Darry and Ponyboy. Even when he's alone with Steve or Sandy, he doesn’t talk about his own feelings, only about Darry overworking and Ponyboy coming home late and the two of them fighting nonstop.

It takes him a couple months to realise why Sandy looks worried whenever they part ways and why Steve asks him how he is thirty times every time they meet up.

I've been holding it back, that I see you different

He still buys Pony a Pepsi whenever he comes to the DX and he still talks to Darry about the NFL, pretending like he knows (and cares) more than he really does. He still acts like he thinks they're his brothers, even though he can't help but hate them a bit for tearing him apart.

Sick of me remindin' you to love me like you say you do

"You going anywhere tonight, Pony?"

"Nope. Staying here."

There's no sound but the clinking of forks against plates.

"I'm going out with Sandy tonight, thanks for askin', Darry. Don't worry, I'll be back before it's too late, I know I gotta wake up early for work tomorrow," Soda says with a fake smile and faker cheer.

He's been trying telling the truth like it's a joke, lately, to see if it'll hit home somehow. Telling his brothers they're forgetting about him, that they aren't seeing him as an actual person anymore. "My day was good too, thanks for asking" and "since no one’s gonna ask anyway, lemme tell you about what happened to Steve today".

They aren't getting it and Soda's getting tired of having to remind them that he's their brother too, not just their middleman.

And I've been hurting myself to keep you from leaving

Sometimes, when Darry crosses a line, Sodapop can see Ponyboy's eyes dart around, calculating. He always starts with his backpack, then towards his room, his shoes, and then the door.

Darry never notices but Soda always does and that's how he knows he needs to intervene. Because if he doesn't say something to stop them, the argument will end with Ponyboy running out the door without even a coat on, which is the last thing they need right now.

So he'll always defend Ponyboy, even if he's wrong, because Darry would never leave but Ponyboy just might and he'll take a broken family held together by his own strength over two brothers who never speak.

I've been wonderin' whether we'll last the season

When Sodapop looks out the window one day and sees the snow melting, it feels like a miracle that he can still hear Ponyboy's steady breathing and Darry rummaging around the kitchen.

Wish we could've made this work

Five months later, Soda's running desperately because he can't make this work, he can't just be the glue that holds them together, because he couldn’t keep his parents there and he couldn’t keep Sandy there and he can't keep holding them together.

And, God, would he love to be able to say that he made it work. He would love to say that he found a way to make his brothers stop fighting, to make them remember that they love each other and don't need to argue about every little thing.

But he can't, because he's not enough and he never will be and sometimes he just wants to run away.

But now I know that I need more

"Golly, you two, it's bad enough having to listen to it, but when you start trying to get me to take sides... We're all we've got left. We ought to be able to stick together against everything. If we don't have each other, we don't have anything. If you don’t have anything, you end up like Dallas... and I don't mean dead, either. I mean the way he was before. And that's worse than dead. Please... don't fight anymore."

I need more

When Darry and Ponyboy listen to his little speech, he swears it's the first time they've really listened to him in eight months.

They tell him they'll do better, say they'll get along, that they won't wear him down anymore.

He tries his best to believe them and they race back home, laughing as they walk through the front door together.

[wookiez]

me 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️ i have a request 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

study date with gyu vin?? 🙏🙏

⋆📚༘⋆ ∿ 규빈 !!

━━━━━ study date ⋆ k. gyuvin x reader

❝i've been waiting for you to see me like I see you. staring at you with my puppy dog eyes.❞ — puppy dog, dreamer boy.

genre ; fluff

synopsis ; study date with gyuvin at 3 am! gone wrong. (not clickbait!!!!)

warning ; swearing, eumppapa, gyuvin himself, flirting, too romancey for single people

word count ; 0.7k

우키즈's note ; PLSS I didn't expect you to make a req but I'd be more than glad to feed your gyuvin fantasies. hopefully this one is sweet enough for you to remember even in your dreams about gyuvin.

"REMIND ME WHY we are studying at 3am for a date again."

"I just felt like it! plus we might even encounter an evil ratatouille call at this time." he says, with a dumb smile correlating with his dumb answer.

"so why did you label it as a study date exactly?"

"because we're going to be studying the cause and effects that happen at 3 am!" he says eagerly.

you facepalm, already tired of this man child you call your boyfriend.

"let me get this straight, you, called me at 3am asking me to come for a study date and that 'studying' is figuring out what happens at 3am?" even uttering that out yourself makes you want to facepalm until your face has a permanent facepalm mark.

"exactly!"

"gyuvin! we have exams coming up and you're focusing on figuring out what happens at 3am? why did I even come over here."

"because you love me and you can't resist my orders." gyuvin says, full of pride as he winked at you.

"wow, I never thought you were the delusional type, gyu. I only came here for your ugly-cute doggy eumppapa."

"you came for the daughter instead of the father? ouch! I'm heartbroken." he clutches his chest with a fake pained expression,

"wait a minute- did you just call my baby and my dear precious daughter ugly?!" he opened his eyes instantly and looked at you, offended.

"yeah, in fact, your eumppapa baby looks just like jeffree star."

"nuh-uh, oh my god, I can't believe this. wow. I'm shocked! this is such a betrayal to our relationship. don't not interact with me anymore." he sulks, wiping his fake ass tear.

"I swear to the gods above, gyuvin. If you don't start sticking your nose into books right now, I will take away all your snacks forever and leave eumppapa in the streets. don't play with me."

after hearing you say that, he immediately straightens his back and puts his hand near his eyebrows making a salute sign,

"oh! roger that partner. I am very studious actually." he grabs the nearest book and leans close to it, hiding his face.

"gyu...the book is upside down." you mention

"oh, haha I knew that, I was just testing my upside down reading skills you know." he hahahas his way to bullshit an answer to you

"...okay then, believe what you want, eumppapa's oh so great father." you reply with a sigh.

you start reading the books you brought, when you thought it would actually be a real study date, especially since your exams are coming.

after a few minutes, you feel poking on both sides of your cheeks. then it changes to air blowing to your ears, to your cheeks being squished and pulled, to your feet being tickled-

"gyu deary, my sweetheart, the apple of my eyes, my snookums...if you keep interrupting me when I'm reading once more, this book will become a lethal weapon."

he pouts, "but I want to spend time with you, that's why I called you to come over."

gyuvin puts both of his hands on your face (yk what I mean, the thing he does.) and brings your faces closer.

"you said it was a study date. emphasis on study, gyu."

"okay okay I get it!" he giggles, "but we can study another time, I just really want to spend my time with you right now." he says softly while looking into your eyes.

"you know when you act like that, I can't resist but just want to kiss you and shut you up." you utter out while looking back into his eyes.

both of you making eye contact, the atmosphere is quiet but heartwarming.

"what's stopping you then?" he tilts his head with a big grin while staring into your eyes lovingly.

"the dumb look on your face is" you reply while chuckling, he starts chuckling at your answer with you.

the whole night until sunrise you both giggle like maniacs talking about goofy shit and gyuvin just exposing his members experiences to you.

later, when you go to class, you're both as dead and restless as zombies. thankfully it wasn't exam season yet, although you both still got scolded by the teachers. but it was all worth it.

©wookiez

[dontfall-inlove-withthe-moment]

Don’t fall in love with the moment / M.H

Matty Healy x female character

Word count: 1677

Warning: angst?, poor parental relationships, deceased parent. Occasional smut :)

Chapter one:

I'm trying to hold back the tears that threaten to come out of my eyes as I remember what happened a few nights ago. I dropped out of college a some weeks ago and the moment my mom found out she freaked out on me. It's not like I don't understand her, I get why she's mad to a certain extent, I mean what mother wouldn't? But she knows I've been unhappy for way too long now, she should understand this is what's best for me.

I didn't know how to tell her, I knew she'd get mad, but as alway, she got ahead of me. The school sent me a letter to discuss the refund of my tuition and she read it. She told me she saw unintentionally, I know she was snooping around, she always does.

“Would you mind explain this to me Claire” I freeze, this sentence never leads to anything good “explain you what” i say, trying to sound calm, but it comes out more frightened than what i expected “Oh don't even try to sound clueless you lazy brat, you dropped out of school that i pay for and you weren't even bother to tell me” That shouldn't have taken me back as it did, she was gonna know eventually, i just didn't expect her to so soon “Mom how do you even know that, were you going through my things again?” I spit at her, trying to deflect the subject as fast as I could “Oh don't turn this on me. people that lie and hide things don't get any privacy, you know that damn well” and here she goes again, with her speeches of how irresponsible and ungrateful i am. Believe me, I know I'm very privileged and everything, but that doesnt mean I'm obliged to love everything about my life. Sadness and discontent and not something you have to earn, but stuff that's just part of the human experience, it's not any different than happiness or any other emotion and I don't get why it's treated differently.

“Mom i already told you, I'm unhappy, i don't like what my life has become, why can't you get that” My mom looks at me with disappointment and just tries to think of what to say. I know she doest like me, she has never told me but I can tell, anyone can, even my father knew, that's why he always made sure to show me as much love as he could. I always got along with my dad, he understood me, he was the only person that believed that I could do anything I wanted. So when he passed away, for the first time, I felt completely alone. The only person that understood me was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.

The argument escalated quickly and after a few minutes, we were already screaming at eachother. She told me I'm delusional and I'm living in a parallel world, I told her she's old and doesn't understand that i dont wanna become her. For what seemed to be hours, we screamed at each other, but it wasn't until she brought up my dad that my anger started to turn into sadness “You know, your father would be so disappointed if he ever got to see what you've become” That was my last straw, i couldnt take it anymore, i had to leave this house, this town, this fucking county, there was nothing awaiting for me here anymore. So i didn't say anything, i just turned around and headed to my room to pack my bags “Don't ignore me Claire, i am your mother and you will listen to me” she tried to say to me, but i had already made my mind, i was leaving, and she couldn't stop me. While I packed my bags I started to think about destinations, what was the perfect place to start again?, i instantly new, England, well, london to be exact, i new somebody there that could take me in, but mostly i loved London, because my dad loved it as well, he always told me the crazy stories about him living with his friends in a tiny flat there, and i just knew that my life would be better there.

I bought a one way ticket to England and had no intentions of ever coming back to this place, so i just slept, well that until my 5.00am alarm woke me up, my mom didn't even tried to get in my room in the entire night so i slept like a baby for a good 7 hours, but now it was time to leave. My flight taked off at 7:30 so i had to be quick, i tried to do as little sound as i could, but as i was about to grab the doorknob her voice flooded my eardrums “you understand that if you step out of this house you're never coming back right” she said with a defeated tone “I really have to do this mom, i promise i'll be okay” i could swear i could see a glimpse of sadness in her eyes, but it was quickly brushed off with a look that screamed indifference “Don't come crying back after your little childish plans don't turn as you wanted them to” she spat harshly at me, and i just started at her for a while, trying to make peace with how things were turning out “Goodbye Mom” I managed to say, hoping I would not to break down in front of her, And i just left.

My friend received me at her flat the same day. I texted her last night about my emergency and she told me she'd love to take me, but I didn't want to abuse her kindness, so after I took a nap she started ro help me find a job. i applied to a million different places, but i ended up taking a job as a bartender in a pub next to my friends house, everythings seems to be working out, but I felt like i was missing something exciting, something that would turn my life inside out, and finally give that feeling of adrenaline I’ve longed for.

And that takes us to tonight. My shift ended an hour ago but I am still in the pub, just that now I was on the other side of the bar, drinking my sorrows away. I was lonely, I hated to admit it, but I used to have this feeling in my gut that all of my problems were going to disappear after I left home, but there I was, realizing that that’s not the case.

It started with an innocent drink, that lead to another, and another, and another and here I am, trying to hold back the tears that threaten to come out of my eyes as I remember what happened a few nights ago. Just when I was about to go home, a tall man approached me, he told me he wanted to buy me a drink, i politely declined, but he kept bugging me, he just wouldn't let it go “Oh come on love, it's just a drink, you don't have to act like its a full blown date” he would say. it was when i finally looked at him that i realized how attractive he was, with long black hair and beautiful brown eyes that were staring into my soul waiting for an answer, before i think about what i'm doing, im blurting out an “Ehm i, yes, i mean, yeah sure” Im pathetic.

“So, are you gonna tell me your name?” he says, with a cocky grin plastered across his face. “Claire”, i say “what about you” He looks at me with a confused expression but brushes it off quickly “Matty, i like your name” He says in the thickest british accent ever and i have to admit, he had me already.

We took off quick, we talked about a million things and time flew by. before we knew it, it was 2:30am and when he noticed he offered me another plan “Hey so its kinda getting late, what you say we continue this thing at my place” i paused for a second, was i really that desperate to have sex with the first guy that approached me and bought me drink? Technically, i was, i mean i was lonely and wanted to spice up my life, i wasn't gonna achieve it by rotting in my room and drowning in self pity. Suddenly the idea of going back to his place didn't seem as crazy as it did initially. So you know what, fuck it

When i came back to reality, i realized i still hadn't answered him “I mean, yeah, why not” i tried to say in the coolest way i could. He smiled at me and licked his lips, i was subconsciously drawn to his mouth, i coudnt help myself from staring at it, I was so heavily attracted to him it was embarrassing. “I guess we better get moving love”.

We got to his place about 15 min later. Surprisingly enough it was all clean and neat. I found myself looking around at his stuff, there was a whole lot of music equipment that didn’t just seem recreational. it occurred to me that I hadn’t asked him any proper questions about him. We just kinda talked about me. “So matty… what do you for a living?” I asked him. He looked at me and let out a little giggle “I’m uh, a musician” Amazing,, I was about to hookup with a 20 something year old looser “interesting” I say, a little more sassy than I intended. He just smiled at me and took a few steps closer until there was just a few inches separating us. We were facing each other. I could feel his eyes scanning my body and without further notice, he grabbed my face and kissed my lips hungrily, pinning my body to the wall

Hey everybodyy, so this is obviously my first time writing a whole chapter of something instead of just blurbs but I really hope y’all will like it and if you have ANY comments please let me know because I genuinely care a lot about what you guys think :))

Another thing. I know it’s very cliché that this is called the same as the blog but it fits the fanfic 😁 (laughs frantically)

[osarina]

CARINA CARINA CARINA its like nearly midnight right now and i jsut finished reading uu4 and omg 😭 i love it so so much. i alr knew i would love it but i just loved it even more just reading it. i love how we are slowly piecing together dazai and what he does or something among the lines and dazais nervousness. i just fall more and more in love with beastzai and how much he just cares for us, his concern his anxiety about everything relating to us.

THE ANKLE KISS IM WEAK FOR THAT 😭

THE CLIFFHANGER TOO I CANT I CANT. GO SWAY FYDOOR YOURE RUINING THE HAPPINESS 💔💔 he’s making me scared for what’s going to come or what’s going to happen because HE is a big threat especially with the way you worded it. dazai come back pls 🙏🏻 chuuya come back 🙏🏻 tachihara hurry up your ass and get down there

im just waiting for you to break our hearts with angst for UU 😔 i’m trying to prepare myself but i don’t think i can prepare for carina writing dazai angst because you KILL me with angst <//33 i am looking forward to UU6 but also not because the dazai series will be over :(( and this has been one of my favourite series ever (ATU by mai is one of mine too 🤭🤭) IDJDJSJ im just going to be delusional and say that dazai and reader are happy married with kids and grow old and die like they did in the notebook NO SADNESS NO BROKEN HEARTS

the way you write has me so so entrapped and i love love your writing so so much. if you were to write your own story i would read it i love your writing that much. i know that you would make a great author if you ever were to become one. or if you ever make your own story and publish it here 👀👀

ALSO WJFJSJS IM SORRY IF I WROTE TOO MUCH

LARRRRR MY LOVE U COULD NEVER WRITE TOO MUCH IM SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME EONS TO ANSWER YOUR ASK I FEEL SO BAD (╥﹏╥)

AHFUSFHUDIUSHDDSHU no joke the scene in uu4 where he was helping us get dressed & telling him all the reasons why he wants us was my FAVVVV to write between uu AND badlands. like i literally could not write it in one sitting cuz i was yearning so hard for him LOLLLL i kept having to stop and sigh and pout because what have i done in life to not deserve dazai osamu </333 truly unfair

no because fyodor is truly a pain in the ass in the waterloo universe this man has it OUT for dazai and reader in EVERY universe like why r u so bitter my man do u truly hate love so much </3333 JKKKK LOLLLL but honestly no man haunts beastzai more than fyodor LOLL like yes fyodor is not the ONLY cause of our death but like 80% of the time it's him, the other 20% being christie

the angst is coming i promise ;) HAHHAHHH no but for real it is. HAHHA i'm rlly excited for uu6 but it's going to be a tough one to write, i'm hoping to have it done within two weeks now that finals are over but it depends on how easily the scenes come to me because there's gonna be at LEAST three really tough scenes to put into words and im already getting a bit antsy over them and im not even at them yet </3

NO STOP THIS IS THE BIGGEST COMPLIMENT EVER ACTUALLY IM WEEPING honestly i've always wanted to write something of my own but i never have the time for it </3 plus i always get in my head about it too LOLLL but lar i adore u thank you for making my day im sorry this took me forever to reply to

[whoreforlarrystuff]

Let me start with saying that am a larrie.. this year the concept of them together seems for fetched and feels like people are trying really hard in proving and linking HL when in reality nothing has indicated that being true.. blue green outfits mean literally nothing at this point.. i sometimes feel like they do that to fuel the hl drama and they know that they just need to combine 2 colours and larries run with it. It is like they are gaining more by doing less.. see even how pleasing is kind of using it to market. They know that even to criticize larries share their product in which harry is involved with his own interest .. I never understood why with the years worth of content others call larries delusional but these days I feel like may be it is true.. we are very quick to say that any women h is seen with as stunt.. men he is seen with are just friends or team members. You don't bring a personal trainer to every show and even if you are crazy to be in shape because now h has got world attention at more higher level or because he wants be fit enough to perform at that level but you don't keep them in the vip area or bring them to grammy or sing to them or bring them for lunch with family & friends, look for them during performance unlike how you treat your rest of the crew.. I know some are just not trying to see the point and brush it off saying he is his worker who at this point might've become his friend because of the time they spend together... and then L is running with a different group if people altogether and trying to steer clear of anything that is harry. Please don't say that it is more the reason of them being together. Nothing has stopped him doing that before... The fond look louis used to have when harry was brought up in interviews is no longer there and now it's more like let's this question related to him over.. sorry, this is long.. but H who never curses on stage atleast in the mic however his fuck you in coachella was very personal and targeted(to louis i felt) after which I've seen the shift.. cause before that louis had worn Maison shirt, white purple checked shirt, you are home page had put coordinates pointing to louis.. But after coachella it has been different(louis blocking hld which is like the famous larry account out there which i dont think he blocked because of announcement that was in the open area).. at this point I feel like HL are also using larries.. H is kind of someone who wants all parts of his fandom happy.. remember when the songs were leaked how targeted they were. Already home to larries, him/trouble to haylors, complicated freak or baby honey to harries?? So yea at this point HL being together is more like a concept which they and their team are using to make money. May be they also does not want to reminded of eachother just like in case of any exes.. but them being in this profession and having a relentless fanbase who are hell bent on proving them being together they just don't wanna add any fuel anymore.. I know it's not your responsibility to convince me or others and one can keep believing what feels right..

Hi Love!

I feel like every time we get a new stunt, I see lots of people being like “oh, maybe this time it’s real” etc.

In regards to Brad being at the show. While I fully agree that H doesn’t *need* his personal trainer with him, some people like to work out with others / have a better work out when working out with others. I’ve said before I don’t totally know what Brads role is for H- sometimes it seems like he’s security in a way? It’s also possible they’re friends, and you would want your friends at shows? The Brad situation is one that I honestly feel like people pay too much attention to, and it’s made it more of a thing than it ever was.

I think at this point, the Blue/Greening isn’t so much of a signal/way of telling us something as it is a “we know you know we know” kinda thing? I agree that Pleasing seems to Larrie Bait a bit- especially with the smiley face on the nails.

Couples are allowed to have different friends- and Louis is very clearly close with his tour group, and from everything he has said/done, they’re like a family to him.

I think if they were truly exs, we wouldn’t get the bluegreening, we wouldn’t get pleasing posting Larry related things etc.

I’ve often found that H & L will do something, and we won’t discover the true extent of why until much later.

I’m not sure I’ve hit all of the points in your ask, but I’m about to leave for work, so I wanted to at least answer some of them!

[yuukei-yikes]

Just ate mold n i was like “OH YEAH YUUKEI YIKES I LOVE THAT GUY”

also i was thinking about harutaka. Plauged with visions as i am. And i had this moment like “WAIT !!!” Bc who the HELL is cooking in that house ???

takane. Cannot cook. And i know like haruka SEEMS like he could cook but like. Hes an artist + hospital. Idk dude i wanna know your thoughts on it

you ate WHAT. ARE YOU ALRIGHT. is the mold eating related to you thinking of me. its just...the first bit of this ask disconcerted me so much.

also my very studied smart correct answer to ur harutaka inquiry that will definitely go insane about domestic harutaka in general: takane can't cook, haruka learns.

youd be right haruka cant cook but he LEARNS. haruka and kido bonding sitcom episode is real to me.

yeah haruka could learn from ayano who he's closer to but I'm delusional abt haruka asking kido, seeing it as a way to approach them and become closer. i think haruka has his little adventure arc where he gets close to everyone in the dan with little bonding moments... kido likes haruka bc he's very chill and it makes them a bit emo about konoha, but spending that time with him allows them to separate the two more properly in their head... konoha was in the kitchen a lot with them, following them around and asking when food was gonna be ready or getting to snack on anything kido was cutting. haruka is more active, asks questions and seems so interested. but he's also asking for little samples like konoha used too hehe.. neither is better than the other it's just different yet similar people. kido is happy to hang out with haruka :3

sorry. that aside. back to harutaka. yeah i think haruka can cook. but he DEFINITELY learns!!! he definitely had no clue how to. he mentions having a live in helper to make meals and chores lmaoooo this guy is the worst i wonder if he's ever done a dish in his life. takane thinking haruka is flawless then moves in with him and Realises and she's like 😐oh my god. (this is an exaggeration takane does Not think haruka is perfect anyways moving on)

ofc takane is very messy too but like from the little bit we got from her grandma (1. GET UP ALREADY UR GONNA BE LATE. 2. STOP WASTING TIME ON VIDEOGAMES. 3. what do u want for lunch :3) i think takane is... spoiled or just ig standard? idk what to call it. i mean in the sense she probably got a lot of her stuff done by the adult in her life. but unlike haruka who has a dismissive father who pays someone to keep the house together LOL, takane has her actual caretaker and i think miss grandma sounds like the kind who's a little strict and would keep takane very aware of chores and was strict enough to make her do at least some. so takane's actually got a lot more tools/skills/conscience for living alone than haruka. like she will do the dishes while haruka unconsciously waits for them to magically do themselves

haruka in general isnt super familiar with Domestic Life because he grew up basically alone, with a stranger doing all the chores and also spent a lot of time at the hospital (sorry for linking a 2014 pre novel 6 fanfiction dot net fanfic but THISSS fanfic❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ about haruka's feelings on what Home is... is still very dear to me)

Haruka and takane moving in together they are WINGING IT but they have fun. they're like No rules🔥🔥🔥we eat pizza everyday. they eat a lot of takeout and instant food even if haruka can cook bc takane is a picky eater and haruka doesn't always have the energy to cook. haruka and takane work from home according to me myself and i, and their Time Of The Day management is awful. their life is quarantine life. they never... properly organize meals. haruka will always remember lunch and dinner but maybe he wont be in the mood to be like omg maybe i can whip up something quick :3 *starts cutting onions* nah. he's making an everything sandwich and going back to drawing!!!! i also think kido tends to make food for everyone. haruka is one of the only dan members who actually gives kido their tupperwares back without a miss because haruka is very thankful/excited for kido to bring food (notorious tupperware thiefs are kano and shintaro)

anyways. domestic harutaka. theyre the worst. like i know haruka going boywife mode for takane is funny but i dont think he does that immediately. he's got pics to draw dammit. i feel like they live in this small ass apartment and they have never made their bed in their whole life. and if they have futon mattresses they are just never picked up and constantly in the way👍 haruka definitely catches up and discovers vacuuming and putting away the dishes when they're dry but it takes him a second. listen its tough being in ur 20s when last week you were dead and you didnt think youd live to see adulthood!!!! but the bliss of a domestic life with ur s/o gives haruka the power to step up. i believe in him.

OH im also delusional they move with takane's grandma after a few years because um um um *runs away* im delusional!! takane mentions living in a house so that lady is in a house all by herselffff????? i feel so bad for her takane please go back to ur grandma. i think post str when takane reunites with grandma she totally moves back home but kind of immediately moves out again to move in with haruka and grandma's like oh💔

i i think i think i think um um ithink in their mid twenties they move with her cuz grandma is old and takane wants to take care of her.... teeheee. by then haruka's fine with cooking and both are ok with house chores but they probably still get spoiled a bit by grandma once they move in 🙏🙏🙏 that lady loves haruka i know so. sorry btw i got so off topic. i saw the chance to talk domestic harutaka and ran with it. also if youve followed me for a while u know i have a delusional fankid i totally think grandma is living at home too if/when they have a kid. sorry im making myself emo *punches wall* baby konoha.whoa im going so off topic sorry im so normal

sorry for my very delusional reply that was abt everything and nothing at once. also dont eat mold

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Oh man I really agree with your tags on that one post. The whole king of delusion thing is terrible to me bc like. Delusions aren’t some gotcha you can use against him? It’s a serious mental health issue? But I’d also like to add I hate when people mock him for smelling bad or having poor hygiene or w/e… :/ It’s not funny when people with mental illness can’t properly take care of their hygiene lol I thought we were all understanding of this?

EXACTLY. It's not like "wow look how wrong you are and how terrible you are for being delusional".

Also the hygiene thing pisses me off too. I know lots of his fans use it as a joke, even affectionately, but like... he was homeless. He was living in the slums. Most people around him probably smelled bad. I'm sure they and he cleaned up whenever they could, but buddy, the slums isn't a public showering area. They'd be lucky if they were able to bathe. It's not something they take for granted. Even the "smelly cape" jokes bother me.

I've met homeless people. I've lived in a shelter where I met people who prior to that shelter lived in tents. Showering and bathing isn't something they could just get up and do before being in the shelter. Those people are lucky if they can even go to the bathroom in a proper bathroom, let alone being able to bathe.

Then like you said, on top of that, he's mentally ill. He's not thinking about his next bath. He's talking to people who are dead, believing they are answering him back and responding to their answers to him. There's also the general idea that Lambert's last words were not actually what were told to us via Dimitri's flashback, but the words he remembers because of his illness. He is very likely remembering wrong, because that version of Lambert matches the version of him that Dimtiri talks to, but does not match the version of him in Rodrigue's flashback.

Even depression can cause a lack of proper hygiene, and that's also a mental illness. In his case he has full on episodes of either psychotic breaks or having conversations with people who aren't there, and when he's out of those states he's desperately trying to do what he's been told to do by those voices. He's trying to do it both for those people and because, as he expresses later into AM, he wants them to stop. Those voices harass him day in and out and ridicule him and it hurts him, so he becomes desperate to do what they tell him so they stop tormenting him (which is part why he's so hellbent on hurrying to finish his tasks in the first half of AM).

It's an absolute spiral of a situation, where he already has these delusions but now on top of them feels absolutely terrible and like someone who has been emotionally abused by loved ones for years and years. He loves them but is terrified of them because they always say awful things to him or try to say things about him that aren't true. The worst part is that these are delusions of people who loved him and were nothing like this, so it causes even more suffering for him.

I don't really understand why it's so funny to people to poke fun at characters with or for bad hygiene. Like, firstly it's... just not a funny thing/topic? And secondly I'm sure there are people uncomfortable with it because they have bad hygiene or lower than "socially acceptable" hygiene due to mental illness and feel they're being laughed at as well for their hygiene. That's definitely a stereotypical mindset and something society does to make fun of people less fortunate than them, be it physically, mentally or both (like not having access to bathing.

Rich people can bathe whenever they want and often in media look down on "stinky people" who are always the poor, generally living in the slums). It's a very unfortunate dominant mindset and almost always comes from people who are more well off and haven't experienced it for themselves to realize how awful it can be (and there are of course people who don't need to experience something to know how bad it is, and I wish there were just more people like that).

I just don't understand what's so funny about hygiene. If anything it just feels like people laughing at the concept of someone not being up to society's standards about health, and it's what literal kids do to make fun of each other. Like, if someone smells bad, I feel like we should be more concerned about the person and why that is... and that would be the case if society raised its people to think that way, but since society raised people to be the opposite (to make fun of smelly people), most people who haven't experienced it for themselves make fun of it.

Like... idk am I missing something lol, I just don't see the humor in someone smelling bad. Even without considering any implications behind it I still don't see the humor in it. Considering Dimitri's circumstances though it just feels very wrong to see people make fun of him for that. I know fans of his that do it are doing it harmlessly and most likely wouldn't make fun of real people for similar things, but it just doesn't sit right with me. There's just nothing amusing about poor hygiene.

Using it as fuel to hate on him though is just is a show of someone's true character and who they really are. :/ Anyone who makes fun of him for his hygiene and mental illness are the kind of people who look down on people with those problems and deserve to experience it for themselves to see just how awful that shit can be. It being fictional doesn't change the fact that it's a show on someone's true character to be able to make fun of someone suffering, and especially to the extent Dimitri does.

Like yes, Edelgard suffered, but she has her own way of moving past it. She's not suffering in the same way as Dimitri or handling it the same way and comes across as "strong" for that - another societal mindset from people who think it's "strong" to not show that you're suffering or have suffered. It's how she handles it, sure, and that's fine... but it's people's reactions to how differently they handle their trauma that's so obnoxious.

People can only be pushed so far, and people hate on Dimtiri for his violence despite that being part of his illness and trauma. Hating on people for being violent as a result of their feelings or past is an awful thing and I really think anyone who can hate on a good and well meaning/intentioned person (real or fictional) simply because they're violent toward bad things needs some serious introspection (like Dimitri having violent reactions to seeing innocents being slaughtered in front of him at Remire. It was an impulsive reaction that he would've hid if he could have, but he wasn't able to).

Like oh no, how dare someone be violent and aggressive toward murderers! How dare someone say off with their head when they've done terrible things! Not everyone is perfectly peaceful and puritan. Hell, Edelgard isn't either and chooses violence as her first and foremost answer to everything, and only considers "negotiations" (i.e. anything that will benefit her/the Empire and only her) if she's losing and only stands to gain from them.

Her first solution to everything is violence, and yet Dimitri is the one who gets shat on for... being violent. Because of his trauma and illness specifically, both in game and out. But since Edelgard has been able to moved past her trauma for the most part and has a different way of handling it that "looks better", he looks "bad" for not having gotten past his trauma yet. Good for her to be able to handle it the way she does, but why is it "bad for him" that he can't handle it "better"?

[lemonhemlock]

i have to say, you guys are relentless, i only need to post one helaemond-related ask and it inevitably brings all the boys to the yard :))

don't get me wrong, i enjoyed reading your takes & i'm posting them under the cut for anyone who wants to read such rants, but, at this point, with so little content, i feel like there's not really a lot more i can personally add to fandom critique that i haven't already said (discourse and metas anyone can find if they go through my designated tag).

so i hope you won't feel offended & this is 100% a helaemond blog but i am going to pause the shipping wars topic for the time being unless something fresh hits our port or we get some kind of news / additional content (maybe like scripts? would love to see those!)

it's been more than a year since the season ended and we've made all the arguments we could possibly make, but we can't control if there are users who still rehash the same three talking points over and over

Anonymous asked: The kids theory was always a long shot and to be fair, their paternity doesn't really matter for the ship to happen. Helaemond can still have romantic feelings to each other without the kids being his, but like you said, if the ship doesn't get confirmed as canon antis and Aemondwives will all be like "We told you so!!! You were all delusional and you should've stopped shipping it!!!!"...okay? It still doesn't change the fact the writers most likely played with the possibility. Setting up potential storylines and not picking them up in a later season is something that has always been happening in TV especially when the team behind the show changes in between seasons like it happened with hotd this time (maybe those who speculated that Sapochnik came up with the idea of Helaemond were right?). Idk how many chances the ships still has if the leaks about B&C being at the end of episode 1 or in episode 2 are real (I doubt there can be a romance after the event), but whatever happens people won't stop shipping it. Non-canon pairings have always been a thing in fandoms and sometimes they may even be more popular than canon ones. It's still baffling to me how hated this ship has become in the fandom though.

Anonymous asked: it feels very obvious because a lot of these fans won’t bring the same “it’s non-canon/made up/etc” vibe to something like Aegond or Daemond, but they will to Helaemond bc they fear it might actually happen in canon. Which, if it does, has nothing to do with the shippers and comes from the writers 😭

Anonymous asked: Some antis are now making up crap about Helaemond shippers hating on Ewan. One of them even made a list and they were listed as his top haters (they also included TB stans and L*cemond shippers but...Alicent and Aegon stans for some reasons as well lmao) while another one claimed Helaemonds are currently bashing Ewan by generally making fun of him and of his looks because of the ship not happening???? I don't know whose comments made them angry but I've yet to see one Helaemond bullying and actually hating on him. Not saying nasty H shippers don't exist but why claim all of them are doing something like this when it clearly isn't the case? At most I've seen people making fun of some of the things he says in interviews but this is not hate. People are allowed to joke.

lmao, people lightheartedly joshing around and pointing out some cringe statements is not hate, dictionaries exist!

Anonymous asked: The funniest thing about the crowing reaction all of the Ewan-obsessed twitter fans had to this supposed leak is when it comes to what canonical "confirmation" Helaemond shippers as a whole most often discussed it was a type of courtly love; probably unconsummated feelings between the two. The kids theory was a niche fun fanon theory mainly used for fics and headcanons, and most people who are still participating in this fandom had little to no "expectation" that we would see that on the show. Funny to point out that expectation isn't even the correct word to use here, as Helaemonds by and large were completely fine with no type of canonical confirmation, and were mainly excited for any Aemond and Helaena interactions we may get in the new season. It's a non-canon ship, people are drawn to all of the potentials they personally see in this dynamic, and how it can be explored in fan content. Shippers like this very rarely care about canonicity - not to say they wouldn't welcome it of course on the off chance it happened, but that is not a priority of their engagement in fandom.

[semper-legens]

155. Burned, by PC and Kristin Cast

Owned: No, library Page count: 323 My summary: Zoey's soul is shattered. After witnessing the death of Heath, her mortal lover, her soul exited her body to go to the Underworld, following Heath into the darkness. But Zoey is needed in the mortal world, as the struggle between Light and Darkness threatens to consume the world. Can her friends get the help they need to win back their High Priestess? My rating: 1/5 My commentary:

Yep, we're back here again. I'll spare you the usual these-books-are-terrible-and-I'm-a-masochist disclaimers, you've read them all already. Let's just dive straight into it. As I continue this series, I am constantly amazed by how it finds new and exciting ways to disappoint me. The writing is insipid and borders on the fetishistic, and its treatment of minorities and the culture of real minority groups to which the authors do not belong is misguided at best, and insulting at worst. None of the characters are particularly likeable, though they're clearly meant to be, and they all have an annoying habit of being able to win in every situation without ever putting much work in. The notion that this is about vampires has been near-completely abandoned for a neo-Pagan mythos, which would be fine if the authors just admitted that was what they wanted to write. And yet, this installment still manages to sink to lower lows than that. It's honestly impressive.

Zoey is dead throughout most of this novel - specifically, her soul has been shattered by Heath's death, and she is in the afterlife with him while everyone else fights to get her back. As is the eternal problem with this series, this might be a tad more compelling if the other characters were willing to get off their collective asses and do something about it rather than standing around waffling and doing nothing for half the book. Zoey is even less compelling than usual, being stripped back to a waifish ghost, who just spends her entire time being sad and delusional and confused rather than actually helping herself. Which she should, logically, have the power to do, being Nyx's Specialest Child, but no. Stark's gotta save her. And speaking of…all of a sudden, there's this island of warriors out by Scotland who are the only ones who can help Stark dive into the afterlife, and wouldn't you know it, he's got blood ties to them that help him get in where otherwise they would have killed him on sight! I'm sure glad this came up beforehand and wasn't just pulled out of the author's ass to make all of her characters seem especially Chosen and Special and Magic or anything! Swear to god she was just making this worldbuilding up as she went.

Our main subplot is Stevie Rae and the Raven Mocker, Rephaim. And once again, we have a relationship where a young woman is bound to an older, stronger, dangerous, and downright evil man, but thinks that she will be able to make him better through the healing power of love or whatever. Rephaim isn't quite as bad as Kalona - instead of being a rapist, he's just a murderer who killed one of the much-beloved teachers at the House of Night - but he's still somewhere south of moral, but nope! Stevie Rae wants to bone him, so he's redeemable. This is in stark contrast to the leader of the other red fledglings, the ones who decided to embrace the Darkness rather than choosing the Light as Stevie Rae and the others did. (Yep, this has seriously become a Darkness/Light battle.) She isn't redeemable, isn't fixable; her aligning herself to the Darkness is final, and though Stevie Rae does try and talk her out of it, she's not as fixated on helping them as she is on Rephaim. Because they're not sexy shirtless bird-men, presumably. My issue is more that the narrative treats them that way, though - you're meant to find Rephaim alluring and appealing in a bad-boy way, whereas Stevie Rae's attempts to get through to the leader of the red fledglings is presented more as a noble but inherently doomed effort, something that was never gonna pay off because they're just inherently evil. Everyone who likes our protagonists is Good, everyone who hates them is Bad, unless they're a shirtless hot guy in which case they're Bad But Redeemable. It's just so predictable and clichéd.

And finally, the part of this that is more actually insulting than just bad writing. We've seen all the way through this book that, while Cast seems to have done the tiniest research into Cherokee beliefs, she either misinterprets or wholesale invents the details, leading to Kalona and the Raven Mockers having more to do with Christian mythos than Cherokee. Well, in this book, all pretense at being rooted in anything other than Western neo-Pagan sensibilities is dropped. Right out of the gate, Cast writes in her foreword that she just wants to thank a few people for fact-checking and researching the Celtic mythology she draws from in this book - but we've had no such thanks for the Cherokee stuff, implying that Cast did far more research (and presumably had more respect for) the Celtic myth than the Cherokee. Not that her use of Celtic ideas and iconography is any better. I'm no expert in Celtic mythology, but the accent her Scottish character uses makes me want to apologise to the entire nation of Scotland on this book's behalf, and overall it's Celtic mythology via neo-Pagan sensibilities.

Now, I've got nothing wrong with neo-Pagans in the real world, don't get me wrong, but this series is steeped in its worst sensibilities, just as Mormonism pervades the Twilight books. In particular, the idea of the feminine and masculine are typical of that kind of 1960s and 70s neo-Paganism that meant to reclaim the Divine Feminine by essentially reversing gender expectations, with men as largely-expendable protectors and women being more magical and intuitive. The problem with that, of course, is that it's still strictly upholding the rigid gender categories that the rest of us have (Men are Strong! Women are Nurturing!), and oft ties them to biology (like the symbolism of the sword and the chalice) in a way that makes my transgender self uncomfortable. Because the flip side of that coin is still there. Women are weak and need to be protected - Zoey and Stevie Rae and Aphrodite can't save themselves, they need men to do their fighting for them. Women are emotional, while men are stoic - Stark is meant to just take being sliced up to help Zoey and Heath doesn't really seem to care about the fact that he's dead because he's more concerned with Zoey. It's just repackaging gender stereotypes with a 'magyk' flair, and it's no more compelling for it.

Next, I'm apparently not done with Junji Ito, as we delve into another of his collections.

[hcndsomejck]

cp verse thots and ponderings.

ever since mina / @neuroslayyer​ answered that ask [i am vibrating] i have been ferally thinking about the different types of verses jack would have in cp2077. mind you i have not finished the game (my adhd makes it hella difficult to bulldoze thru games, but i love it so much, pls be patient with me) but HAVE gotten to anders hellman so!

he is literally so easy to port over.

verse one: he’s a corpo codemonkey pretty much like his position in tps. corpo suits are very hyperion in nature from my observations [my main v is corpo]. arasaka especially from what i have gathered. it’s a very man-eat-man world even in the shiny, ‘civilised’ towers. [it’s a mirror of the streets, just played on a board meant for 4-dimensional chess.]

story may be relatively similar to tps as well; a suit desperately wanting to climb, being instead climbed himself by those around him until he manages to outmaneuver an exec or director and gets to sit in the cushy seats. [OR] he could be in the throes of lording himself over the rungs below him. 

perhaps not as delusionally insane as in borderlands? i’d love to examine jack in a space where he errs closer to sane than ‘emblazoned by eldritch vault magic making his already massive issues larger than a fucking planet’[1] (see below).

verse two: he’s an engram, akin to tftbl but given how engrams seem to be literal copies of living memory, personality, and soul matter (to my knowledge) it’s less an AI and more actually jack himself. cue anyone getting to suffer his delusional (or not so much as stated before) hero complex, sadism, and flippant disregard for certain groups’ wellbeings!

a few ideas for this one could be for v’s. another jack-in (puns!) gets them a second engram that may, or may not fix their issue w/silverhand. jack erasing/easing johnny’s hold and cruelly shoving him in a box? he’s a hero- he’ll save you! it’s ‘what he does’! jack and johnny fighting and v holding the mental popcorn and despertely needing a drink? 

i don’t think he’d actually replace johnny- unless it’s a post-game verse where; because v has had an engram before, something just easily moves in? johnny and his bits are too integral to the story (it literally drives it) to overwrite him entirely.

UNLESS it’s an au where jack himself basically takes johnny’s place as the anti-corpo, larger-than-life, narcissistic ‘hero complex badass’- where... .... well i just realised they are rather similar aren’t they? HMMM.

borderlands may be an insane space western but it can also be shifted to cyberpunk easily and idk i am noodling and yelling into the void.

[1] -  pls talk to me about a verse where he is actually soft for his angel in the way a more healthy society defines it, rather than [genuinely] thinking entrapment is protection and abusive ‘tough love’ is actually fine. (yes victims can become like their abusers without help but what if- what if his defiant bullshit served him well there? idk. the victim to villain trope IS more convoluted than how most tend to write it.) 

i am notorious for giving layers to shitty father figures [eg; professor hojo in ffvii]. like fuck yes he’d still be awful but staunchly refusing to do to angel what his grandmother did to him.

[delicateteenagerunaway]

I have entered a rabbit hole of synastry...

So, I recently fell down the fascinating rabbit hole of astrology and decided to dive headfirst into the mystical world of synastry! Buckle up because I've stumbled upon an astrological discovery that's blowing my mind! 🌟✨ Turns out, according to the cosmic dance of the stars, my birth chart is compatible with none other than Boyd Holbrook's chart! 🔮

I know, it sounds like a delightful delusion, but bear with me!

Disclaimer: Before we dive in, let me make it clear that my calculations are based on wild speculation about Boyd Holbrook's birth chart (which can be found here: https://www.astrotheme.com/astrology/Boyd_Holbrook ). But hey, let's have some fun with it, shall we?

So, after some playful chart comparisons, I couldn't help but notice some intriguing alignments between our celestial signatures. It's like the stars conspired to create some cosmic connections that are too amusing to ignore! 😄🔮

For starters, before I started diving more into synastry, I already had some hints of compatibility in our charts such our Venus, Mars and Rising signs matching one another (based on his chart he’s an Aquarius Rising while I am an Aquarius Venus and he’s a Cancer Mars while I am a Cancer Rising). These aspects in astrology can indicate that basically he embodies the ideal of beauty for me, while his Mars indicates strong attraction to the energy of my rising. However, our Sun / Mercury signs are in opposition, which can hint at a love-hate type of situation (the downfall of being with your sister sign). Furthermore, our Moons, Venus, and Jupiter placements seem to be in a celestial symphony of harmony by conjuncting one another. It's like the universe is saying, 'Hey, you two, here's a cosmic recipe for emotional connection and artistic understanding!' 🌙💖✨

Now, here's where it gets interesting. As I explored the houses, I couldn't help but notice that some of his placements seem to fall right into my fourth house. It's like a cosmic hug of comfort! His sun in my fourth house, conjunction with my Virgo IC, which brings a sense of familiarity and warmth (potentially explains why I find him to be such a comfort person).

And let's not forget the planets that reside in our eighth and fifth houses. It's as if the universe is nudging us towards mutual understanding in artistic endeavors and emotional bonds.

Call it starry coincidence or just pure cosmic mischief, but I'm totally embracing my astrological delusions from here on out! So, I'm strapping on my imaginary starry boots and surrendering to the whimsical dance of the planets. Let's embrace the magic, the laughter, and the sweet enchantment that astrology can bring into our lives! After all, who needs reality when you can revel in the playful wonders of the universe?

Now, I must make it clear that all of this is good fun and pure speculation. I'm not about to give up on life and become delusional solely for the sake of astrology compatibility, even if it feels like a Pedro Pascal-level crush. 😅 That being said, I want to take a moment to emphasize my respect for Boyd Holbrook's personal life and his relationship with his wife (to whom I own my life because she’s the one providing with constant updates of our boy).

While astrology can be an entertaining exploration, it's essential to remember the boundaries of reality and respect the commitments and relationships of others. Love and connection come in many forms, and we can appreciate the cosmic alignments without crossing any lines.

It's truly fascinating and funny how our charts seem to have some compatible aspects. Let's celebrate the whimsy of astrology, embrace the magic of connections, and enjoy this delightful cosmic dance! It does give some insight was to why we might like certain public personalities and honestly, I feel that can be something cute of course if done in its limits.

Remember, this is all about having a good laugh, finding joy in the mysterious, and exploring the playful wonders of the universe. So, let's embrace the fun, revel in the starry tales, and keep the cosmic relations alive! 💫💕✨"

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 365

A year. A year since I dropped out. A whole year since "Day 1", March 3rd 2023.

It's crazy how fast time has passed and how many things have happened and how, in a way, not much has changed.

I have grown very fond of Queen these past few weeks, not that I wasn't into their music before, but this is just another level of admiration. I've been to the UK many, many times, and to the US too. I've been Logan's WWG. I've had Alice tag me in their story literally yesterday, thanking me for the book I gave them. I've met new people, and I've lost friends. I've had dreams, doubts, moments of hope and others of despair. I've realized how important the arts and culture were to me and how I wanted a job connected to that, perhaps just not on the artist's side due to my clear lack of talent and abilities (at least in my own opinion). I've also very recently realized that finding a job in that field would prove extremely difficult, as there are more people wanting to work in it than jobs available, and the degrees requirements often feel out of my reach.

So I still don't really know what my plan is now. When I dropped out, I wanted to take a few weeks off, then find a job, anything, and then go back to my studies by September, probably a business school. Turns out, I never felt well enough to work until August, and by then I'd given up on the idea of going back to studying for very long (probably around May). Found a job in September, felt so miserable that I quit at the end of the third day, and I've been trying to find some stability since then, and also a new, better plan. And I feel very stuck.

A completely delusional part of me is convinced I am destined to do great things and to be a star, in one way or another. A photographer? A writer? Something else? Nothing, perhaps? I often fantasize about writing a great book that people will love, and readers coming up to me asking for an autograph, and Alice reading it and loving it and realizing it I wrote it for them and us becoming friends and maybe someday having a very special bond, because we are soulmates and it was meant to be, right? And all along, it was always meant to be this way and my dad was never disappointed in me or my life choices because he always knew, as one now-omniscient being does, that I would do Great things.

I'm writing now and everything flows and comes so naturally, and I wish it were like this when I write fiction. I wish I'd have the motivation, the will, the determination. I know it's already in me, but it's buried so deep...

I think reading about Queen has just reinforced these illusions in my mind. How they started from nothing and built this incredible career and carved out outstanding lives for themselves. I want that, and I'm capable of that. I want to think that way every day, and even when I don't or can't, I want to pretend that I think this way until I convince myself again that I do.

My dad has been dead for 4 years and I want to make him proud. I want the past 356 days to represent a period of growth in my life, as well as one during which I made dreams come true and realized that my priority should always be chasing more and more of my dreams.

So I'll put this out into the universe: I want to do great things and be successful. I want my name to be known and associated with something positive that is loved by many. I never want to worry about money ever again. I want to surround myself with good people and make my own dreams come true.

I will.