#does he want me to become even more delusional than i already am? because he really doesn’t have to try so hard….

[showsandstuff]

Ways to make a Dale Dimmadome redemption work:

Hi! So, as a self proclaimed Dale Dimmadome redemption truther, I wanted to make this post explaining why a redemption is, in my opinion, very much possible. (I am not nearly as confident about this as I am pretending to be)

Buckle up, this'll be a long one folks!

First, why do I think a Dale redemption could happen? Let's go through it:

It's still a kids show. I find the conclusion to the story that Dale will never love his son a bit grim for a show for children. You could of course make it work by using the found family trope with Peri instead, plus there are plenty of kids shows that have used the evil father of secondary character/antagonist trope, without the father getting a redemption but I do think a Dale redemption is the most satisfying conclusion for this show.

Even Remy Buxaplentys parents started caring for Remy at some point, so I got hope. Though to be fair, they were incredibly one note.

His past with Vicky makes him a bit more sympathetic. Knowing what he went through in his childhood, it makes sense he probably wouldn't know what a child needs. I'm just saying it means there's room for improvement

He emotionally neglects Dev, but his physical needs are met. Which is something, right? Like Yay... And all...

We don't know if Dale doesn't love Dev. I think there's a possibility that he does care but just doesn't know it because he's taken his child for granted. That's not an excuse of course, but it would make a redemption more plausibel. If Dale genuinely does not love Dev whatsoever, I'll give up on my redemption hope.

How could they pull it off, if at all?

Assuming that Dale does love Dev, deep deeeep down, and just doesn't realize it because he's so focused on his company, the best way to show this is through a choice.

Dev doing things that benefit the company has never helped their relationship, Dale just gets happy because Money and it doesn't make him appreciate his son more, Dev just becomes someone useful to him.

But if Dev causes Dale to lose money, that's a good start to see what Dale truly prioritizes deep down.

Dale choosing Dev over his company is what I need if they decide to redeem him. I need Dale in one way or another show us that he truly cares. Maybe have Dale spend so much money to find and save Dev, that his company goes bankrott? Or have his company explodes and Dale's main concern could be Devs wellbeing. Or Dev goes behind his father's back and intentionally hurts the company, but instead of lashing out at Dev, Dale reflects on himself.

Now... That's all incredibly out of character for Dale and I would hate for an unearned redemption. I'd need there to be a lot of build up to that moment, some foreshadowing that hints at Dale not feeling entirely indifferent about Dev. Small moments, nothing too grand. Maybe he'd be worried if he finds out that he had left Dev with Vicky at one Point, and that could be the catalyst to show us that he isn't as awful as we were shown previously.

And after we had enough of those moments and already have a feel that Dale isn't all uncaring, we get to the grand moment where Dale shows us through his actions that in truth, he cares far more about his kid than his cash. It would feel earned and not be out of nowhere then.

Now before yall call me delusional, I know that this is extremely unrealistic and I'm just setting myself up if these are my expectations. Good thing they aren't. I do expect Dev to have something equivalent of his father's love at the end of the show, but that's it.

Here are some examples of what I actually believe would happen:

Hazel and Dev become friends (again) but this time their friendship is explored more. Maybe Dev also befriends Hazel's friends and finds fulfillment through that. (although I think that'll happen regardless and would be unsatisfying if that was all we got)

Involving Peri in this mess and giving him a character arc of his own would work as well. He realizes that Dev doesn't need a Fairy to be happy because, as Cosmo said in the finale, what Dev truly wants isn't something he can get through wishes. Dev, being super rich, is already used to getting "stuff", but love isn't stuff. So Peri basically becoming a parental figure for Dev, which is what he is supposed to be as a godparent anyway, could work. Besides, Peri already solidified himself in this role in the finale when he told Dev that he cared about him. It was a heartwarming moment. We all loved it so ofc we would want more of that.

Anything involving Irep, another Fairy or even Timmy. Dev needs someone that cares for him. My top three go to characters are obviously Peri, Hazel and Dale, but they're not the only ones that could fulfill that role. We just need to wait and see what the writers do.

So yea, a Dale redemption is my first pick for a season 2 finale (or technically my first pick is a hint at a Dale redemption in the s2 finale and the actual redemption happens way later because slow burn) but I do understand that it's pretty unlikely and would be very much satisfied with Peri becoming his godparent with Emphasis on parent, or even the power of friendship with Hazel, though that'd be harder to execute without it feeling cheap (I got faith in the writers)

So this was very long. And I am going to sleep now. Thanks for reading.

[generic-enthusiast]

Am I just fixing it just to break it?

Sodapop curses quietly as he gets up from the couch again. He could swear it hasn't been five minutes since he last stopped them from fighting, but they're at it again and now he has to talk them down. Again.

It's something stupid, for a change. Ponyboy hasn't done his homework for tomorrow and now he's peppering Darry with questions about the properties of... something.

"It was assigned last Friday, Pony, I don’t get why you're doing it now."

"Because I forgot! And your griping isn't helping any, it isn't gonna be done yesterday because you want it to be."

"But you can change your bad habits so it doesn't happen again. I swear, if I didn't see your report card, I'd think you just couldn't think."

"Can't you just lay off for once? Jesus, I just asked about what the octet rule was, it's not like I’m asking you to explain everything from scratch."

"No, I can't lay off, because if it was up to you, you'd singlehandedly ruin your whole future!"

Am I just hanging on, just so we can drown?

Is it even worth it, patching them up for them to just keep on fighting the next day? Is there any point to it? Or is he just pushing the same rock up the same hill every day only for gravity to beat him before he reaches the top?

Like the love we thought we found, no

When Darry had told them he was going to get custody over them, Soda had thought that it would bring them together. He never imagined sunshine and rainbows, but he thought they would become closer than they already were, have a bond forged in sweat and tears, not just blood.

But maybe it didn't count if the tears were cried alone and the sweat was just at work.

We're hoping that we don't just hit the ground

Every night, before he goes to sleep, Sodapop closes his eyes and prays that tomorrow will be different. He prays for his brothers to understand each other’s side, for them to finally listen to him, for them to finally see each other.

Because Soda may be stupid, but he's not delusional. He knows they won't last long like this, with fights every night about curfew and homework and dinner and textbooks. But there's no end in sight. How do you make someone see what they're desperately avoiding?

I've been pulling you close, but pushing me further

It takes him a couple months to realise he's lying to his brothers. He's pulling away, pretending like he's fine, like everything's fine, because he doesn't know any better.

It takes him a couple months to realise that his parents died too. That he's supposed to take time to grieve and get over their deaths on his own terms.

It takes him a couple months to realise that he doesn't even know himself anymore because he's been shoving his own feelings and thoughts down to make way for Darry and Ponyboy. Even when he's alone with Steve or Sandy, he doesn’t talk about his own feelings, only about Darry overworking and Ponyboy coming home late and the two of them fighting nonstop.

It takes him a couple months to realise why Sandy looks worried whenever they part ways and why Steve asks him how he is thirty times every time they meet up.

I've been holding it back, that I see you different

He still buys Pony a Pepsi whenever he comes to the DX and he still talks to Darry about the NFL, pretending like he knows (and cares) more than he really does. He still acts like he thinks they're his brothers, even though he can't help but hate them a bit for tearing him apart.

Sick of me remindin' you to love me like you say you do

"You going anywhere tonight, Pony?"

"Nope. Staying here."

There's no sound but the clinking of forks against plates.

"I'm going out with Sandy tonight, thanks for askin', Darry. Don't worry, I'll be back before it's too late, I know I gotta wake up early for work tomorrow," Soda says with a fake smile and faker cheer.

He's been trying telling the truth like it's a joke, lately, to see if it'll hit home somehow. Telling his brothers they're forgetting about him, that they aren't seeing him as an actual person anymore. "My day was good too, thanks for asking" and "since no one’s gonna ask anyway, lemme tell you about what happened to Steve today".

They aren't getting it and Soda's getting tired of having to remind them that he's their brother too, not just their middleman.

And I've been hurting myself to keep you from leaving

Sometimes, when Darry crosses a line, Sodapop can see Ponyboy's eyes dart around, calculating. He always starts with his backpack, then towards his room, his shoes, and then the door.

Darry never notices but Soda always does and that's how he knows he needs to intervene. Because if he doesn't say something to stop them, the argument will end with Ponyboy running out the door without even a coat on, which is the last thing they need right now.

So he'll always defend Ponyboy, even if he's wrong, because Darry would never leave but Ponyboy just might and he'll take a broken family held together by his own strength over two brothers who never speak.

I've been wonderin' whether we'll last the season

When Sodapop looks out the window one day and sees the snow melting, it feels like a miracle that he can still hear Ponyboy's steady breathing and Darry rummaging around the kitchen.

Wish we could've made this work

Five months later, Soda's running desperately because he can't make this work, he can't just be the glue that holds them together, because he couldn’t keep his parents there and he couldn’t keep Sandy there and he can't keep holding them together.

And, God, would he love to be able to say that he made it work. He would love to say that he found a way to make his brothers stop fighting, to make them remember that they love each other and don't need to argue about every little thing.

But he can't, because he's not enough and he never will be and sometimes he just wants to run away.

But now I know that I need more

"Golly, you two, it's bad enough having to listen to it, but when you start trying to get me to take sides... We're all we've got left. We ought to be able to stick together against everything. If we don't have each other, we don't have anything. If you don’t have anything, you end up like Dallas... and I don't mean dead, either. I mean the way he was before. And that's worse than dead. Please... don't fight anymore."

I need more

When Darry and Ponyboy listen to his little speech, he swears it's the first time they've really listened to him in eight months.

They tell him they'll do better, say they'll get along, that they won't wear him down anymore.

He tries his best to believe them and they race back home, laughing as they walk through the front door together.

[frenzyinme]

cold summer - simon riley x fem!reader

MDNI, rough sex, PiV, angst (also pinch of comfort if you're delusional like i am)

It’s always cold with Simon. Even in midsummer, when the sun relentlessly scorches already dry earth, when the air is thick and hard to swallow and when the last thing on your mind is to cling to his body covered with scars, sweat and the scent of bonfire.

His dark eyes pierce right through you, but you never feel seen. His calloused hands wander through your body and pin you to the wall – never to the bed, because you’re not his lover and you never will be. Just remnants of a butterfly trapped behind the glass. One you can look at, but never touch. And so you die again and again in his arms, but you always remain invisible.

He’s distant even when he’s balls deep inside you, when his cock painfully stretches your tight cunt, or when his ragged breath falls on your lips and you both breathe in unison.

But you welcome it all – more than eagerly. You wrap your legs around his middle to meet his thrusts and look into his dark, incredulous eyes. Because you want him. No, scratch that… you need him. With all his ragged past and tentative future. And you welcome the waiting and the yearning that drills a bottomless hole in your chest – a wound that will never heal.

Unless he allows it.

You offer him open-mouth kisses and trail the path from his ear to the neck. Inhaling and losing yourself within him. And when his breath hitches and halts, when his movements become erratic, and his grip around your waist tightens, you’re almost sure that one day… maybe even tonight when he fills you up, or maybe when he comes back to you again after a never-ending mission and months of silence… he will touch you like you belong to him, look at you like you’re his good girl. And even if no words were to escape his lips, you will know that all these unsaid wounds that you agreed to share with him, wouldn’t go for nothing.

It hurts when Simon grabs your thigh, dips his fingers in your flesh and stretches you to his liking, but it’s all worth it when you feel the ghost of lips on your collarbone. He’s whispering something, you think… it’s the same sentence over and over again, but your mind is already coated with the blissful haze. His other hand slides down your body, gently, borderline reverently, as if he was committing you to memory…

You furrow your brow, annoyed that his words escaped your ears. Incoherent pleas linger on your tongue… But tonight he doesn’t want to leave your prayers unanswered. And so his lips touch yours. The kiss is tender. Soft, almost loving and unreal. It is in such contrast to what he does to your cunt and your heart, that you melt in his embrace.

His thumb draws circles on your clit making you shiver and lean on him completely. Skin to skin, you’re sharing everything, even if he doesn’t give you all you want and doesn’t take the love you so keenly offer. It is feverish and heated… but you can still feel the prickling of cold needles on the back of your neck – the everpresent threat of him leaving.

And then his lips part again, right next to the shell of your ear. He stills inside you and a deep growl reverberates from his chest.

“You’ll wait for me,” he says. His voice is not one a question, nor a plea. But his eyes glimmer differently… with shades of hurt you’ve never seen before. Almost as if he was anticipating your answer. Or maybe that’s what you want to see in him.

You plant both hands on the sides of his face, feeling his stubble and an almost unnoticeable twitch of his tensed muscles.

“You know I always do,” your voice is a broken whisper as you swallow tears.

It’s cold and bittersweet. Or maybe it’s so hot, that it messes up with all your senses. Stings of pain turn into pleasure.

Simon nods. He’s not going to say anything else and you know it well, but your heart still impatiently awaits any confirmation. Even just a hint of it.

Instead… he leans into you, his face buried in the crook of your neck, kissing and biting and licking your skin clean of all the sweat. Then he starts fucking you hard. Pressing himself into you, spreading your legs even wider, bruising your soft walls so much that the pain of it makes you squirm. And for this brief moment, it feels like you belong to him. You trust that right now  Simon Riley is yours, that your name’s on his lips, that all his thoughts go around you, you… you. And it will remain like this even after he spills into you and swallows your screams in a clashing kiss, teeth and tongues.

There are no goodbyes. Just a soft touch of his palm on your cheek, his thumb on your shivering, bottom lip. He steps back, and you’re immediately burned with cold air. How is that even possible in the middle of summer? His eyes distant, as if you already were oceans apart.

But he will come back.

He always does.

Or at least that’s what you whisper to yourself, once he locks the door.

[maryawrites]

Sfumato - Chapter Three

This makes three nights in a row that I've posted a chapter. Sustainable? Maybe not forever. But let's not break the streak now.

Worst!Logan Howlett/Wolverine x Cis! Female Reader, Post DPAW

CW: vaguer religious themes and religious trauma, more ugly burning yearning this chapter, lots of substance abuse, unhealthy friendship dynamic, themes of addiction, verbal harassment in workplace, enabling, themes of early stage Major Depressive Disorder, we finally get some (Name) and Wade and Logan interaction next chapter, the story is partially autobiographical, the (Name) in this is a little emotionally stunted and horrible but that's what character development is for

Divider by @/saradika

 I just barely, barely wake up in time for work. 

  It takes me a moment to realize that my alarm isn’t going off before I’m flying off of the couch, running into my kitchen to look at the analogue clock on the wall. 

  I am so, so, so lucky my internal clock woke me up in time. 

  I hardly have time to consider if I lost my phone on my way home or if I left it at work as I’m trying to fix my appearance as much as possible. I’m faced with a hard decision- do I wear the clothes I wore yesterday? I mean, I shouldn’t. It’s not proper. I can’t let myself go. I can’t do that. 

  But Lily shows up to work bare-faced often enough, and the line cooks rewear their clothes sometimes. 

  But I know it’s wrong, even if I should be rushing out of the door. Maybe I don’t look poorly, but the effect is still there. I shouldn’t be wearing my clothes for a second day. 

  Weirdly enough, I actually don’t… want to change. But it’s not the urge to leave as soon as possible or anything, it’s different. I don’t think I have the will to change, which confuses me. It scares me, a little. Why can’t I find it in me to change? Why does something so simple suddenly feel so huge?

  I don’t feel like I got any sleep last night at all. It’s strange, because I know that I slept like the dead when I got home, but I don’t feel anything from it. I still feel like I’m filled with stones. 

  My feet still feel heavier than anvils. 

  As I sluggishly move through my hall to get my bag and go, I get the urge, I get tempted to just not go to work. What? That’s insane, even for me. I’m not sick, I think. I feel sick, but it’s a queer sort of sickness, where I don’t have any real symptoms. I just feel sick. And I find myself wanting to stay home. It wouldn’t hurt, right? Just this once.

  But then I remember how I pushed everything onto Lily yesterday. I remember how I snapped at Wade, and how I avoided him and Logan all day until I couldn’t. Even though I’m walking, I still feel like the floor is pulling my bones to it like a magnet. What is this feeling?

  No, I can’t stay home. I can’t take off. I’m already falling to lust and wrath, becoming delusional, I can’t be slothful, too. I will not grow lazy. 

  But I still find myself crying silently from the weight of what should be a regular day as I go to my kitchen, changing course from the door to my sink. 

  I never really find the time to cook for myself or others, since I stay out late at work, but I still happen to own my share of oils and vinegars. And cooking wine.

  It’s just to take the edge off. It’s just for today. God, I promise, it won’t happen again. Your son, Christ, drank wine, did he not? I’m not doing this to get drunk. I’m just doing it to ease myself. Just a bit. 

  Just this once.

  I have an environmental defence- my neighbors drink plenty. It’s just how things are. 

  I find myself repeating that phrase- just this once, just this once, just this once- as I withdraw the bottle from the cabinet under my sink, reverently opening it up. I don’t bother to look at the due date or sniff it first, which I blame as a coincidence, just an accident. Everyone does unsafe things.

  I bring it up to my lips more eagerly than I’d like to admit, sipping with abandon. I haven’t had much alcohol in my life, but I’ve swallowed truths far more bitter. The burning of my throat is almost erotic in its nature. A certain name rests silently, knowingly on my tongue at the comparison. 

   It just takes one second to acclimate before I’m taking another long sip. Then a gulp. Then I’m having to drag my mouth away. I sneak once last sip before shoving the cooking wine far back into the cabinet. I think to pour it out, then quickly dismiss the notion. That would be a waste. 

  Besides, it’s just this once. I don’t have to worry. 

  Also, I don’t feel I can be bothered to pour it out. 

-

  It doesn’t make me feel ecstatic. It doesn’t make me feel twenty pounds lighter and ready to carpe diem. But that little bit of wine I had does make me feel closer to normal. It makes me feel almost like myself.

  Almost. 

  It makes it manageable to walk to work, at least. 

  Which I arrive to fifteen minutes late, in the midst of the morning breakfast rush, and my appearance is appreciated thoroughly by Lily. 

  “(Name), what the actual fuck, why didn’t you call ahead and say you were gonna be late? I nearly called Monroe to come help. (Name), don’t do that shit, you have to call if you’re going to be late during the morning rush. God, you make this hard. Just… go.”

  I don’t respond to her snapping as she gathers up some plates from the window, her blood-shot eyes piercing into the side of my skull as I ditch my bag in the break room, not bothering to shut the door behind me. When I get into the kitchen, I don’t bother to tie my apron nice and evenly. But the realization of that doesn’t hit me until I’m already well into working, bussing tables and delivering plates. 

  It’s not that Lily isn’t being reasonable. Besides, this attitude of hers isn’t a new phenomenon. I shouldn’t have been late in the first place, and I could’ve used a pay phone to call ahead. But I just don’t have the energy in me today. I feel like I was drained in my sleep, so all I can do is sneer silently at my tub of dishes as I lug them back into the kitchen. 

  But I don’t like to sneer. I hate being mean, or inconsiderate. It just… isn’t right. For me, at least. It only makes me feel worse that I’m acting horrible. I don’t know what my problem is today. Did I just coincidentally wake up on the wrong side of the bed- couch- after a bad night? 

  It makes me wonder. The cooking wine I had took the edge off, and it didn’t take too much to do it. We serve beers here, even some cheap real wine. It wouldn’t hurt, right? Lily and Dan borrow the occasional beer, and it’s not like I’d ever do it again. No, like I said, this is just a one time thing. It won’t hurt. It’s not like I’ll die if I have one beer. Lily wouldn’t have any room to talk, and the line cooks would never care enough to tell. 

  I try to push the idea from my mind like I do with every other idea I have, gritting my teeth and cursing out every prayer I know between scrubbing dishes and managing the sit-down counter, fixing my appearance in in-between moments. I don’t exactly feel shame, per se, like usual, but I just feel… bad. All of my thoughts are guilt, guilt, guilt. I mean, what kind of good follower of God keeps themself on their feet with the idea of getting drunk? There’s no way I just suddenly became an alcoholic after, what, two swigs of cooking wine? 

  I’m a disappointment. I’m a fucking disappointment. 

  I can’t begin to describe how grateful I am when things begin to lull between the morning rush and the lunch rush, when things finally quiet down. Everything is just too much today, and I don’t understand how that could possibly be, because it’s the exact same as always. That's all I can think about as I wash the morning dishes, and I come to realize that I’m crying again, silently, into the water of the sink. How? How am I crying again? This doesn’t make any sense, why am I such a mess today, and why can’t I find it in myself to care? 

  I think I'm being slick about it, wiping my face in passing as I hunch over the sink, pretending to focus on washing dishes. I don’t get it. Everything is the same as always. Lily is hung over like she is half of the days she’s here, the line cooks are focusing on each other and trading inside jokes I can’t begin to comprehend, and there aren’t even more dishes than usual. 

  I scrub at a plate so hard I almost start to scratch the surface of it. 

  I am not going to drink. Nothing that's tempting me this badly can possibly be good for me.

  Just like Logan. 

  I will not get a drink. 

  God. Think of God. Think of God, (Name). Just hold out. He would’ve killed you by now if you couldn’t handle it. Just focus on anything else. 

  But the only other thing I want to think about is Logan, and I can’t do that to my soul. 

  I’m being an idiot. I’m being a complete idiot. Do I really have to choose between two evils? 

  I can feel the muscles of my back working themselves into knots as I toss clean silverware to the side, burying my hands in the hot water. It helps. It helps bring me back. The pain is familiar, and I slowly come back to myself, huffing and puffing through the steam. 

  I have this. I got this. Yeah. I can do this. 

  I really think I can do this. 

  I go to take a deep breath in, only to be interrupted by a familiar nudging between my shoulder blades, which somehow I’ve never gotten used to. I turn to see Lily standing guiltily behind me, clutching an opened beer bottle in one hand. 

  Oh, no. 

  “Hey… (Name), I’m sorry. You know I didn't mean to be rude. ‘M just not feeling well this morning, you know? It’s not a big deal, okay? I mean, we do this in some form or another every morning. You get it, right?” She laughs slightly, almost nervously, as she stares back at me. She seems very intent on resolving the issue. Maybe she already cracked one open before coming over here, or maybe Dan saw me crying and sent her over. But she’s not wrong. We do do this in one way or another most mornings. I fumble a plate, or forget to take an order, or just exist a little bit in the way while she’s hungover, and I get cussed out, or harassed into taking an early break, or ignored for the rest of the day. A few times, she’s even dragged me into the break room between orders to yell about how I need to be more efficient and do my job and let her do hers. But this is the first time she’s offered what’s almost an apology. It’s… really nice. 

  Usually I only accept apologies because I feel like I have to or I’ll get hurt, but I like this apology, too. Even though I know it’s probably only words. But I hate how she’s holding a conspicuously open but untouched beer while saying it. 

  I hesitate unwillingly for a second before responding, glancing back at the beer. “...Yeah, I understand. It’s alright. I’m sorry for always being a bother. I know you don’t always feel well in the mornings.” 

  Lily returns my hesitancy with a bit of her own, smiling weakly. I really wonder why she bothered apologizing. I’ve cried here before. She holds out the beer apologetically between us.

  “Yeah. Great. We gotta stick together, girlfriend. It’s only us two girls here. I, uhm, I don’t know if you drink, but… I don’t know, you look kind of tense. You can pour it out if ya want, I just brought this as a peace offering.”

  Even though she says I can pour it out, there’s still a tense, expectant air between us. I think. Or am I making that up to excuse what I’m gonna do next?

  I take the beer with a concerning amount of ease, only pausing for a moment before I bring it to my mouth, taking a swig. Like with the cooking wine, I still feel like I have to adjust for a second. But after a few more sips and a universe of silence between Lily and I, I feel a garden blooming inside of me. And belly pain as the alcohol hits my empty stomach. 

  Lily’s face goes slack with relief as she watches my features relax, and she reaches over stiffly to pat my arm before turning to leave abruptly for a second time in twenty four hours, leaving with few words. 

  “Mhm, you nurse on that. Take the edge off. Hair of the dog, (Name).”

  Hair of the dog.  Do I look hungover? 

  By the time I finish the bottle- far too quickly to really savor it, to my disappointment- I don't feel as leaden. God isn’t as large of a thought in my mind. It doesn’t hurt as shockingly when my hands work at the steaming dishes. 

  It’s okay, because this is just a one time thing. It’s just for today. It’s just to recover from whatever’s weighing me down. I’ll be good tomorrow.

-

  I get a few minutes between the lunch rush and finishing the dishes from the morning to myself. I spend it patrolling the floors of the diner, trying to figure out where I left my phone last night. It couldn’t have gone far. I know the night crowd can be a little rowdy, but they’re usually sparse, too, so I know it must be here. I’m not nearly as panicked about it as I should be, still eased by the beer I was gifted. 

  Ultimately, I find it in the breakroom, wedged between the wall and the leg of one of the spare chairs we use to decorate the inside. It’s been stashed there with a little note- Found this. I hid it here so whoever was looking for it could find it, without anyone else stumbling upon it. You’re Welcome. -M.

  So this was Monroe’s doing. She always comes in when the staff is switching out, and I was one lucky dog that she didn’t come in when I was supposed to be leaving last night. I don’t have a bad reputation with Monroe, but seeing your employee puke into a sink of dishes isn’t exactly something you, as the manager and co-owner, can ignore. I’ll never do that again, either, just to be safe. I’ll be okay after all of this, after I clear up whatever’s gotten me so sick. 

  Today. Just today. 

  This will be the worst day of my adult life, and that’s it. 

  Okay. Okay. 

-

  “I mean, I didn’t think you were a prude or anythin’, but I didn’t think you drank. Especially on the job. Look at you, baby girl, breaking preconceived notions. Go you.” Lily mutters around a mouthful of food, leaning onto the edge of the bar as her and I split a plate of plain flapjacks between the two of us. A gift from Dan, to help ‘get it out of my system’, in case Monroe comes by for lunch. We’re not quite sure what her stance on workplace intoxication is. 

  I nod solemnly as I swallow my bite, staring down at the flapjacks. I had a bit of a second beer about an hour ago. Wrong, yes, but Lily offered, and nothing is quite filling my chest. The first bottle loosened up the lead where my heart should be, dislodging the rocks in my ribcage. But that just left what feels like nothing left inside of me. The first bottle made me feel empty instead of heavy. The second filled up that space, to an extent. Lily must’ve known, since she offered me a second drink, ‘just something sweet for our favorite girl.’ She’s been nicer than usual since she watched me take the first beer. I watched how her face lit up when I drank the second. 

  I guess we’re real friends now, and not just friendly coworkers.

  She went to the bathroom in the middle of the lunch rush and took something. I can tell, because her eyes are still red, even though she’s already had coffee and water and every other little remedy we have on hand. And she’s just so light-hearted. She rarely eats on the job, and she’s never shared anything with me before. So, it seems she brought a remedy of her own. But she abandoned me for about twenty minutes during the lunch rush so she could take whatever she took, and I nearly had my, what, third ugly-crying session of today? 

  When she finally came out of the bathroom, bright-eyed and with flushed cheeks, she just grinned at me and whispered conspiratorially. “An eye for an eye, (Name).”

  I guess we must have instantaneously become really good friends if she could make that joke. 

  I’m just glad it’s over, for now. 

  I’ve comforted myself with the notion that it’s already so well past the time yesterday when my neighbors came in that they won’t come in today. And it’s not that the thought of their interruption lingers, it’s that the thought of Logan himself hooks into the forefront of my mind and stays. Alcohol only makes me think about him more. But it’s… clearer, in an odd way. I don’t panic when his face appears behind my eyelids each time I blink. Like yesterday, when I watched him secretly, and I felt like my body was filling with liquid heat. Or I was liquidating into heat myself. It’s a soft feeling. It’s a new feeling. 

  It still scares me a little. And not because of God, this time.

  The tiny bell above the front door rings, and just like yesterday, I don’t look up immediately. When Lily’s high, she’s always rearing to do something. And I still feel terrible, deep inside. She can have this one. 

  I just keep cutting tiny chunks from the stack of pancakes, even as Lily goes still and silent beside me, to my ignorance. 

  I look up too late, raising my eyes to question her silence, only to follow her gaze to one of the booths under the stretched window. 

  I have to stop myself from audibly groaning in pain and sinking down behind the counter at the sight of Wade, somewhere close to cordially, wiggling his fingers at me in a flamboyant little wave. A catty one. A mean one. Now I know he must be taunting me. Torturing me at every turn. 

  But that is intentional. It stings less to know that he must try. It’s not like with Logan. It’s not as cruel as how he does it so fucking easily, so carelessly. His memory makes me suffer, but his place is always empty. Even now, he doesn’t even look at me. 

  He’s practically looking anywhere but me. 

  I could tell him blind, from the way he breathes alone, but I don’t think he could even tell anyone my first name in full confidence. 

  God, beer will send you down some funny trains of thought. 

  I glance at Lily, what tipsiness I had shrinking at the prospect of speaking to either of my neighbors, but especially both of them. I know my facial expression must be nothing short of pathetic, from how she suddenly grows uncomfortable just from a mere look. 

  “You go handle them today. C’mon, (Name). It was kinda awkward yesterday. I don’t want them to ask about you. They’ve already seen ya, anyways. Just… go do it. C’mon.” She mutters half-heartedly, shrugging vaguely as she casts a brief look at them. The same ugly feeling as yesterday curls in my gut as I watch her dark eyes fall all over the two, but especially Logan. I don’t understand it. It certainly doesn’t feel like a rational emotion. But it still tears a hole through my heart. 

  I huff pissily, pushing our plate closer to her and leaning up off of the counter. The bitter feeling the beer helped shake is back again. Is this how it’s going to be anytime I feel an emotion, for the rest of the day?  I push away from the edge of the counter with a hiss at my numb feet, digging around my apron for my notepad and pen. Just let it go by quickly, Lord. Or make the beer return to my senses for a comeback.

[m0llystars]

"it's over" "he won the election" some of you people are actually so fucking weak holy shit. what the hell is giving up in This kind of time especially going to do? none of this shit matters at all until you're able to actually make ur choice. yeah this is all fucking crazy and it's gonna def rile up even more people on the right to vote, but especially considering that this is gonna be people like me's first ever presidential election where i can actually vote too, it's not like it's one way. i wouldn't be surprised if the right's been struggling to attract more people to rally behind them beyond their current base, which has been dwindling, and only leading to them becoming more desperate and more outlandish in what they want to accomplish because they're only ever good at catering to the following they have rather than pulling more people in; and those people are getting mad old and only more nasty and unhinged with time. ofc there's younger people getting pipelined into it, but beyond that? outside looking in, nothing about what they're going on about is remotely fucking sane-sounding to the average person.

polls do not mean anything. propaganda and people making edits of politicians that go hard as fuck now that the guy missed and there's cool pics of it, does not mean anything. if you already know what choice you're going to make, none of this should mean literally anything. have maybe a bit of fucking backbone behind what you believe in. i don't like being public about this kind of thing but one thing i am strongly and forever will be strongly annoyed with is people wallowing in misery and contributing to doomerposting/doomscrolling. you have right to be upset, obviously this is upsetting, but the second you start talking like you have to give up now, that's when you gotta shut the fuck up for everyone else's sake. maybe that's naive of me to still think things can get better, but maybe i'd rather be a bit delusional-sounding to yall than perpetually miserable

[wookiez]

me 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️ i have a request 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

study date with gyu vin?? 🙏🙏

⋆📚༘⋆ ∿ 규빈 !!

━━━━━ study date ⋆ k. gyuvin x reader

❝i've been waiting for you to see me like I see you. staring at you with my puppy dog eyes.❞ — puppy dog, dreamer boy.

genre ; fluff

synopsis ; study date with gyuvin at 3 am! gone wrong. (not clickbait!!!!)

warning ; swearing, eumppapa, gyuvin himself, flirting, too romancey for single people

word count ; 0.7k

우키즈's note ; PLSS I didn't expect you to make a req but I'd be more than glad to feed your gyuvin fantasies. hopefully this one is sweet enough for you to remember even in your dreams about gyuvin.

"REMIND ME WHY we are studying at 3am for a date again."

"I just felt like it! plus we might even encounter an evil ratatouille call at this time." he says, with a dumb smile correlating with his dumb answer.

"so why did you label it as a study date exactly?"

"because we're going to be studying the cause and effects that happen at 3 am!" he says eagerly.

you facepalm, already tired of this man child you call your boyfriend.

"let me get this straight, you, called me at 3am asking me to come for a study date and that 'studying' is figuring out what happens at 3am?" even uttering that out yourself makes you want to facepalm until your face has a permanent facepalm mark.

"exactly!"

"gyuvin! we have exams coming up and you're focusing on figuring out what happens at 3am? why did I even come over here."

"because you love me and you can't resist my orders." gyuvin says, full of pride as he winked at you.

"wow, I never thought you were the delusional type, gyu. I only came here for your ugly-cute doggy eumppapa."

"you came for the daughter instead of the father? ouch! I'm heartbroken." he clutches his chest with a fake pained expression,

"wait a minute- did you just call my baby and my dear precious daughter ugly?!" he opened his eyes instantly and looked at you, offended.

"yeah, in fact, your eumppapa baby looks just like jeffree star."

"nuh-uh, oh my god, I can't believe this. wow. I'm shocked! this is such a betrayal to our relationship. don't not interact with me anymore." he sulks, wiping his fake ass tear.

"I swear to the gods above, gyuvin. If you don't start sticking your nose into books right now, I will take away all your snacks forever and leave eumppapa in the streets. don't play with me."

after hearing you say that, he immediately straightens his back and puts his hand near his eyebrows making a salute sign,

"oh! roger that partner. I am very studious actually." he grabs the nearest book and leans close to it, hiding his face.

"gyu...the book is upside down." you mention

"oh, haha I knew that, I was just testing my upside down reading skills you know." he hahahas his way to bullshit an answer to you

"...okay then, believe what you want, eumppapa's oh so great father." you reply with a sigh.

you start reading the books you brought, when you thought it would actually be a real study date, especially since your exams are coming.

after a few minutes, you feel poking on both sides of your cheeks. then it changes to air blowing to your ears, to your cheeks being squished and pulled, to your feet being tickled-

"gyu deary, my sweetheart, the apple of my eyes, my snookums...if you keep interrupting me when I'm reading once more, this book will become a lethal weapon."

he pouts, "but I want to spend time with you, that's why I called you to come over."

gyuvin puts both of his hands on your face (yk what I mean, the thing he does.) and brings your faces closer.

"you said it was a study date. emphasis on study, gyu."

"okay okay I get it!" he giggles, "but we can study another time, I just really want to spend my time with you right now." he says softly while looking into your eyes.

"you know when you act like that, I can't resist but just want to kiss you and shut you up." you utter out while looking back into his eyes.

both of you making eye contact, the atmosphere is quiet but heartwarming.

"what's stopping you then?" he tilts his head with a big grin while staring into your eyes lovingly.

"the dumb look on your face is" you reply while chuckling, he starts chuckling at your answer with you.

the whole night until sunrise you both giggle like maniacs talking about goofy shit and gyuvin just exposing his members experiences to you.

later, when you go to class, you're both as dead and restless as zombies. thankfully it wasn't exam season yet, although you both still got scolded by the teachers. but it was all worth it.

©wookiez

[whoreforlarrystuff]

Let me start with saying that am a larrie.. this year the concept of them together seems for fetched and feels like people are trying really hard in proving and linking HL when in reality nothing has indicated that being true.. blue green outfits mean literally nothing at this point.. i sometimes feel like they do that to fuel the hl drama and they know that they just need to combine 2 colours and larries run with it. It is like they are gaining more by doing less.. see even how pleasing is kind of using it to market. They know that even to criticize larries share their product in which harry is involved with his own interest .. I never understood why with the years worth of content others call larries delusional but these days I feel like may be it is true.. we are very quick to say that any women h is seen with as stunt.. men he is seen with are just friends or team members. You don't bring a personal trainer to every show and even if you are crazy to be in shape because now h has got world attention at more higher level or because he wants be fit enough to perform at that level but you don't keep them in the vip area or bring them to grammy or sing to them or bring them for lunch with family & friends, look for them during performance unlike how you treat your rest of the crew.. I know some are just not trying to see the point and brush it off saying he is his worker who at this point might've become his friend because of the time they spend together... and then L is running with a different group if people altogether and trying to steer clear of anything that is harry. Please don't say that it is more the reason of them being together. Nothing has stopped him doing that before... The fond look louis used to have when harry was brought up in interviews is no longer there and now it's more like let's this question related to him over.. sorry, this is long.. but H who never curses on stage atleast in the mic however his fuck you in coachella was very personal and targeted(to louis i felt) after which I've seen the shift.. cause before that louis had worn Maison shirt, white purple checked shirt, you are home page had put coordinates pointing to louis.. But after coachella it has been different(louis blocking hld which is like the famous larry account out there which i dont think he blocked because of announcement that was in the open area).. at this point I feel like HL are also using larries.. H is kind of someone who wants all parts of his fandom happy.. remember when the songs were leaked how targeted they were. Already home to larries, him/trouble to haylors, complicated freak or baby honey to harries?? So yea at this point HL being together is more like a concept which they and their team are using to make money. May be they also does not want to reminded of eachother just like in case of any exes.. but them being in this profession and having a relentless fanbase who are hell bent on proving them being together they just don't wanna add any fuel anymore.. I know it's not your responsibility to convince me or others and one can keep believing what feels right..

Hi Love!

I feel like every time we get a new stunt, I see lots of people being like “oh, maybe this time it’s real” etc.

In regards to Brad being at the show. While I fully agree that H doesn’t *need* his personal trainer with him, some people like to work out with others / have a better work out when working out with others. I’ve said before I don’t totally know what Brads role is for H- sometimes it seems like he’s security in a way? It’s also possible they’re friends, and you would want your friends at shows? The Brad situation is one that I honestly feel like people pay too much attention to, and it’s made it more of a thing than it ever was.

I think at this point, the Blue/Greening isn’t so much of a signal/way of telling us something as it is a “we know you know we know” kinda thing? I agree that Pleasing seems to Larrie Bait a bit- especially with the smiley face on the nails.

Couples are allowed to have different friends- and Louis is very clearly close with his tour group, and from everything he has said/done, they’re like a family to him.

I think if they were truly exs, we wouldn’t get the bluegreening, we wouldn’t get pleasing posting Larry related things etc.

I’ve often found that H & L will do something, and we won’t discover the true extent of why until much later.

I’m not sure I’ve hit all of the points in your ask, but I’m about to leave for work, so I wanted to at least answer some of them!

[yuukei-yikes]

Just ate mold n i was like “OH YEAH YUUKEI YIKES I LOVE THAT GUY”

also i was thinking about harutaka. Plauged with visions as i am. And i had this moment like “WAIT !!!” Bc who the HELL is cooking in that house ???

takane. Cannot cook. And i know like haruka SEEMS like he could cook but like. Hes an artist + hospital. Idk dude i wanna know your thoughts on it

you ate WHAT. ARE YOU ALRIGHT. is the mold eating related to you thinking of me. its just...the first bit of this ask disconcerted me so much.

also my very studied smart correct answer to ur harutaka inquiry that will definitely go insane about domestic harutaka in general: takane can't cook, haruka learns.

youd be right haruka cant cook but he LEARNS. haruka and kido bonding sitcom episode is real to me.

yeah haruka could learn from ayano who he's closer to but I'm delusional abt haruka asking kido, seeing it as a way to approach them and become closer. i think haruka has his little adventure arc where he gets close to everyone in the dan with little bonding moments... kido likes haruka bc he's very chill and it makes them a bit emo about konoha, but spending that time with him allows them to separate the two more properly in their head... konoha was in the kitchen a lot with them, following them around and asking when food was gonna be ready or getting to snack on anything kido was cutting. haruka is more active, asks questions and seems so interested. but he's also asking for little samples like konoha used too hehe.. neither is better than the other it's just different yet similar people. kido is happy to hang out with haruka :3

sorry. that aside. back to harutaka. yeah i think haruka can cook. but he DEFINITELY learns!!! he definitely had no clue how to. he mentions having a live in helper to make meals and chores lmaoooo this guy is the worst i wonder if he's ever done a dish in his life. takane thinking haruka is flawless then moves in with him and Realises and she's like 😐oh my god. (this is an exaggeration takane does Not think haruka is perfect anyways moving on)

ofc takane is very messy too but like from the little bit we got from her grandma (1. GET UP ALREADY UR GONNA BE LATE. 2. STOP WASTING TIME ON VIDEOGAMES. 3. what do u want for lunch :3) i think takane is... spoiled or just ig standard? idk what to call it. i mean in the sense she probably got a lot of her stuff done by the adult in her life. but unlike haruka who has a dismissive father who pays someone to keep the house together LOL, takane has her actual caretaker and i think miss grandma sounds like the kind who's a little strict and would keep takane very aware of chores and was strict enough to make her do at least some. so takane's actually got a lot more tools/skills/conscience for living alone than haruka. like she will do the dishes while haruka unconsciously waits for them to magically do themselves

haruka in general isnt super familiar with Domestic Life because he grew up basically alone, with a stranger doing all the chores and also spent a lot of time at the hospital (sorry for linking a 2014 pre novel 6 fanfiction dot net fanfic but THISSS fanfic❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ about haruka's feelings on what Home is... is still very dear to me)

Haruka and takane moving in together they are WINGING IT but they have fun. they're like No rules🔥🔥🔥we eat pizza everyday. they eat a lot of takeout and instant food even if haruka can cook bc takane is a picky eater and haruka doesn't always have the energy to cook. haruka and takane work from home according to me myself and i, and their Time Of The Day management is awful. their life is quarantine life. they never... properly organize meals. haruka will always remember lunch and dinner but maybe he wont be in the mood to be like omg maybe i can whip up something quick :3 *starts cutting onions* nah. he's making an everything sandwich and going back to drawing!!!! i also think kido tends to make food for everyone. haruka is one of the only dan members who actually gives kido their tupperwares back without a miss because haruka is very thankful/excited for kido to bring food (notorious tupperware thiefs are kano and shintaro)

anyways. domestic harutaka. theyre the worst. like i know haruka going boywife mode for takane is funny but i dont think he does that immediately. he's got pics to draw dammit. i feel like they live in this small ass apartment and they have never made their bed in their whole life. and if they have futon mattresses they are just never picked up and constantly in the way👍 haruka definitely catches up and discovers vacuuming and putting away the dishes when they're dry but it takes him a second. listen its tough being in ur 20s when last week you were dead and you didnt think youd live to see adulthood!!!! but the bliss of a domestic life with ur s/o gives haruka the power to step up. i believe in him.

OH im also delusional they move with takane's grandma after a few years because um um um *runs away* im delusional!! takane mentions living in a house so that lady is in a house all by herselffff????? i feel so bad for her takane please go back to ur grandma. i think post str when takane reunites with grandma she totally moves back home but kind of immediately moves out again to move in with haruka and grandma's like oh💔

i i think i think i think um um ithink in their mid twenties they move with her cuz grandma is old and takane wants to take care of her.... teeheee. by then haruka's fine with cooking and both are ok with house chores but they probably still get spoiled a bit by grandma once they move in 🙏🙏🙏 that lady loves haruka i know so. sorry btw i got so off topic. i saw the chance to talk domestic harutaka and ran with it. also if youve followed me for a while u know i have a delusional fankid i totally think grandma is living at home too if/when they have a kid. sorry im making myself emo *punches wall* baby konoha.whoa im going so off topic sorry im so normal

sorry for my very delusional reply that was abt everything and nothing at once. also dont eat mold

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Oh man I really agree with your tags on that one post. The whole king of delusion thing is terrible to me bc like. Delusions aren’t some gotcha you can use against him? It’s a serious mental health issue? But I’d also like to add I hate when people mock him for smelling bad or having poor hygiene or w/e… :/ It’s not funny when people with mental illness can’t properly take care of their hygiene lol I thought we were all understanding of this?

EXACTLY. It's not like "wow look how wrong you are and how terrible you are for being delusional".

Also the hygiene thing pisses me off too. I know lots of his fans use it as a joke, even affectionately, but like... he was homeless. He was living in the slums. Most people around him probably smelled bad. I'm sure they and he cleaned up whenever they could, but buddy, the slums isn't a public showering area. They'd be lucky if they were able to bathe. It's not something they take for granted. Even the "smelly cape" jokes bother me.

I've met homeless people. I've lived in a shelter where I met people who prior to that shelter lived in tents. Showering and bathing isn't something they could just get up and do before being in the shelter. Those people are lucky if they can even go to the bathroom in a proper bathroom, let alone being able to bathe.

Then like you said, on top of that, he's mentally ill. He's not thinking about his next bath. He's talking to people who are dead, believing they are answering him back and responding to their answers to him. There's also the general idea that Lambert's last words were not actually what were told to us via Dimitri's flashback, but the words he remembers because of his illness. He is very likely remembering wrong, because that version of Lambert matches the version of him that Dimtiri talks to, but does not match the version of him in Rodrigue's flashback.

Even depression can cause a lack of proper hygiene, and that's also a mental illness. In his case he has full on episodes of either psychotic breaks or having conversations with people who aren't there, and when he's out of those states he's desperately trying to do what he's been told to do by those voices. He's trying to do it both for those people and because, as he expresses later into AM, he wants them to stop. Those voices harass him day in and out and ridicule him and it hurts him, so he becomes desperate to do what they tell him so they stop tormenting him (which is part why he's so hellbent on hurrying to finish his tasks in the first half of AM).

It's an absolute spiral of a situation, where he already has these delusions but now on top of them feels absolutely terrible and like someone who has been emotionally abused by loved ones for years and years. He loves them but is terrified of them because they always say awful things to him or try to say things about him that aren't true. The worst part is that these are delusions of people who loved him and were nothing like this, so it causes even more suffering for him.

I don't really understand why it's so funny to people to poke fun at characters with or for bad hygiene. Like, firstly it's... just not a funny thing/topic? And secondly I'm sure there are people uncomfortable with it because they have bad hygiene or lower than "socially acceptable" hygiene due to mental illness and feel they're being laughed at as well for their hygiene. That's definitely a stereotypical mindset and something society does to make fun of people less fortunate than them, be it physically, mentally or both (like not having access to bathing.

Rich people can bathe whenever they want and often in media look down on "stinky people" who are always the poor, generally living in the slums). It's a very unfortunate dominant mindset and almost always comes from people who are more well off and haven't experienced it for themselves to realize how awful it can be (and there are of course people who don't need to experience something to know how bad it is, and I wish there were just more people like that).

I just don't understand what's so funny about hygiene. If anything it just feels like people laughing at the concept of someone not being up to society's standards about health, and it's what literal kids do to make fun of each other. Like, if someone smells bad, I feel like we should be more concerned about the person and why that is... and that would be the case if society raised its people to think that way, but since society raised people to be the opposite (to make fun of smelly people), most people who haven't experienced it for themselves make fun of it.

Like... idk am I missing something lol, I just don't see the humor in someone smelling bad. Even without considering any implications behind it I still don't see the humor in it. Considering Dimitri's circumstances though it just feels very wrong to see people make fun of him for that. I know fans of his that do it are doing it harmlessly and most likely wouldn't make fun of real people for similar things, but it just doesn't sit right with me. There's just nothing amusing about poor hygiene.

Using it as fuel to hate on him though is just is a show of someone's true character and who they really are. :/ Anyone who makes fun of him for his hygiene and mental illness are the kind of people who look down on people with those problems and deserve to experience it for themselves to see just how awful that shit can be. It being fictional doesn't change the fact that it's a show on someone's true character to be able to make fun of someone suffering, and especially to the extent Dimitri does.

Like yes, Edelgard suffered, but she has her own way of moving past it. She's not suffering in the same way as Dimitri or handling it the same way and comes across as "strong" for that - another societal mindset from people who think it's "strong" to not show that you're suffering or have suffered. It's how she handles it, sure, and that's fine... but it's people's reactions to how differently they handle their trauma that's so obnoxious.

People can only be pushed so far, and people hate on Dimtiri for his violence despite that being part of his illness and trauma. Hating on people for being violent as a result of their feelings or past is an awful thing and I really think anyone who can hate on a good and well meaning/intentioned person (real or fictional) simply because they're violent toward bad things needs some serious introspection (like Dimitri having violent reactions to seeing innocents being slaughtered in front of him at Remire. It was an impulsive reaction that he would've hid if he could have, but he wasn't able to).

Like oh no, how dare someone be violent and aggressive toward murderers! How dare someone say off with their head when they've done terrible things! Not everyone is perfectly peaceful and puritan. Hell, Edelgard isn't either and chooses violence as her first and foremost answer to everything, and only considers "negotiations" (i.e. anything that will benefit her/the Empire and only her) if she's losing and only stands to gain from them.

Her first solution to everything is violence, and yet Dimitri is the one who gets shat on for... being violent. Because of his trauma and illness specifically, both in game and out. But since Edelgard has been able to moved past her trauma for the most part and has a different way of handling it that "looks better", he looks "bad" for not having gotten past his trauma yet. Good for her to be able to handle it the way she does, but why is it "bad for him" that he can't handle it "better"?

[lemonhemlock]

i have to say, you guys are relentless, i only need to post one helaemond-related ask and it inevitably brings all the boys to the yard :))

don't get me wrong, i enjoyed reading your takes & i'm posting them under the cut for anyone who wants to read such rants, but, at this point, with so little content, i feel like there's not really a lot more i can personally add to fandom critique that i haven't already said (discourse and metas anyone can find if they go through my designated tag).

so i hope you won't feel offended & this is 100% a helaemond blog but i am going to pause the shipping wars topic for the time being unless something fresh hits our port or we get some kind of news / additional content (maybe like scripts? would love to see those!)

it's been more than a year since the season ended and we've made all the arguments we could possibly make, but we can't control if there are users who still rehash the same three talking points over and over

Anonymous asked: The kids theory was always a long shot and to be fair, their paternity doesn't really matter for the ship to happen. Helaemond can still have romantic feelings to each other without the kids being his, but like you said, if the ship doesn't get confirmed as canon antis and Aemondwives will all be like "We told you so!!! You were all delusional and you should've stopped shipping it!!!!"...okay? It still doesn't change the fact the writers most likely played with the possibility. Setting up potential storylines and not picking them up in a later season is something that has always been happening in TV especially when the team behind the show changes in between seasons like it happened with hotd this time (maybe those who speculated that Sapochnik came up with the idea of Helaemond were right?). Idk how many chances the ships still has if the leaks about B&C being at the end of episode 1 or in episode 2 are real (I doubt there can be a romance after the event), but whatever happens people won't stop shipping it. Non-canon pairings have always been a thing in fandoms and sometimes they may even be more popular than canon ones. It's still baffling to me how hated this ship has become in the fandom though.

Anonymous asked: it feels very obvious because a lot of these fans won’t bring the same “it’s non-canon/made up/etc” vibe to something like Aegond or Daemond, but they will to Helaemond bc they fear it might actually happen in canon. Which, if it does, has nothing to do with the shippers and comes from the writers 😭

Anonymous asked: Some antis are now making up crap about Helaemond shippers hating on Ewan. One of them even made a list and they were listed as his top haters (they also included TB stans and L*cemond shippers but...Alicent and Aegon stans for some reasons as well lmao) while another one claimed Helaemonds are currently bashing Ewan by generally making fun of him and of his looks because of the ship not happening???? I don't know whose comments made them angry but I've yet to see one Helaemond bullying and actually hating on him. Not saying nasty H shippers don't exist but why claim all of them are doing something like this when it clearly isn't the case? At most I've seen people making fun of some of the things he says in interviews but this is not hate. People are allowed to joke.

lmao, people lightheartedly joshing around and pointing out some cringe statements is not hate, dictionaries exist!

Anonymous asked: The funniest thing about the crowing reaction all of the Ewan-obsessed twitter fans had to this supposed leak is when it comes to what canonical "confirmation" Helaemond shippers as a whole most often discussed it was a type of courtly love; probably unconsummated feelings between the two. The kids theory was a niche fun fanon theory mainly used for fics and headcanons, and most people who are still participating in this fandom had little to no "expectation" that we would see that on the show. Funny to point out that expectation isn't even the correct word to use here, as Helaemonds by and large were completely fine with no type of canonical confirmation, and were mainly excited for any Aemond and Helaena interactions we may get in the new season. It's a non-canon ship, people are drawn to all of the potentials they personally see in this dynamic, and how it can be explored in fan content. Shippers like this very rarely care about canonicity - not to say they wouldn't welcome it of course on the off chance it happened, but that is not a priority of their engagement in fandom.

[semper-legens]

155. Burned, by PC and Kristin Cast

Owned: No, library Page count: 323 My summary: Zoey's soul is shattered. After witnessing the death of Heath, her mortal lover, her soul exited her body to go to the Underworld, following Heath into the darkness. But Zoey is needed in the mortal world, as the struggle between Light and Darkness threatens to consume the world. Can her friends get the help they need to win back their High Priestess? My rating: 1/5 My commentary:

Yep, we're back here again. I'll spare you the usual these-books-are-terrible-and-I'm-a-masochist disclaimers, you've read them all already. Let's just dive straight into it. As I continue this series, I am constantly amazed by how it finds new and exciting ways to disappoint me. The writing is insipid and borders on the fetishistic, and its treatment of minorities and the culture of real minority groups to which the authors do not belong is misguided at best, and insulting at worst. None of the characters are particularly likeable, though they're clearly meant to be, and they all have an annoying habit of being able to win in every situation without ever putting much work in. The notion that this is about vampires has been near-completely abandoned for a neo-Pagan mythos, which would be fine if the authors just admitted that was what they wanted to write. And yet, this installment still manages to sink to lower lows than that. It's honestly impressive.

Zoey is dead throughout most of this novel - specifically, her soul has been shattered by Heath's death, and she is in the afterlife with him while everyone else fights to get her back. As is the eternal problem with this series, this might be a tad more compelling if the other characters were willing to get off their collective asses and do something about it rather than standing around waffling and doing nothing for half the book. Zoey is even less compelling than usual, being stripped back to a waifish ghost, who just spends her entire time being sad and delusional and confused rather than actually helping herself. Which she should, logically, have the power to do, being Nyx's Specialest Child, but no. Stark's gotta save her. And speaking of…all of a sudden, there's this island of warriors out by Scotland who are the only ones who can help Stark dive into the afterlife, and wouldn't you know it, he's got blood ties to them that help him get in where otherwise they would have killed him on sight! I'm sure glad this came up beforehand and wasn't just pulled out of the author's ass to make all of her characters seem especially Chosen and Special and Magic or anything! Swear to god she was just making this worldbuilding up as she went.

Our main subplot is Stevie Rae and the Raven Mocker, Rephaim. And once again, we have a relationship where a young woman is bound to an older, stronger, dangerous, and downright evil man, but thinks that she will be able to make him better through the healing power of love or whatever. Rephaim isn't quite as bad as Kalona - instead of being a rapist, he's just a murderer who killed one of the much-beloved teachers at the House of Night - but he's still somewhere south of moral, but nope! Stevie Rae wants to bone him, so he's redeemable. This is in stark contrast to the leader of the other red fledglings, the ones who decided to embrace the Darkness rather than choosing the Light as Stevie Rae and the others did. (Yep, this has seriously become a Darkness/Light battle.) She isn't redeemable, isn't fixable; her aligning herself to the Darkness is final, and though Stevie Rae does try and talk her out of it, she's not as fixated on helping them as she is on Rephaim. Because they're not sexy shirtless bird-men, presumably. My issue is more that the narrative treats them that way, though - you're meant to find Rephaim alluring and appealing in a bad-boy way, whereas Stevie Rae's attempts to get through to the leader of the red fledglings is presented more as a noble but inherently doomed effort, something that was never gonna pay off because they're just inherently evil. Everyone who likes our protagonists is Good, everyone who hates them is Bad, unless they're a shirtless hot guy in which case they're Bad But Redeemable. It's just so predictable and clichéd.

And finally, the part of this that is more actually insulting than just bad writing. We've seen all the way through this book that, while Cast seems to have done the tiniest research into Cherokee beliefs, she either misinterprets or wholesale invents the details, leading to Kalona and the Raven Mockers having more to do with Christian mythos than Cherokee. Well, in this book, all pretense at being rooted in anything other than Western neo-Pagan sensibilities is dropped. Right out of the gate, Cast writes in her foreword that she just wants to thank a few people for fact-checking and researching the Celtic mythology she draws from in this book - but we've had no such thanks for the Cherokee stuff, implying that Cast did far more research (and presumably had more respect for) the Celtic myth than the Cherokee. Not that her use of Celtic ideas and iconography is any better. I'm no expert in Celtic mythology, but the accent her Scottish character uses makes me want to apologise to the entire nation of Scotland on this book's behalf, and overall it's Celtic mythology via neo-Pagan sensibilities.

Now, I've got nothing wrong with neo-Pagans in the real world, don't get me wrong, but this series is steeped in its worst sensibilities, just as Mormonism pervades the Twilight books. In particular, the idea of the feminine and masculine are typical of that kind of 1960s and 70s neo-Paganism that meant to reclaim the Divine Feminine by essentially reversing gender expectations, with men as largely-expendable protectors and women being more magical and intuitive. The problem with that, of course, is that it's still strictly upholding the rigid gender categories that the rest of us have (Men are Strong! Women are Nurturing!), and oft ties them to biology (like the symbolism of the sword and the chalice) in a way that makes my transgender self uncomfortable. Because the flip side of that coin is still there. Women are weak and need to be protected - Zoey and Stevie Rae and Aphrodite can't save themselves, they need men to do their fighting for them. Women are emotional, while men are stoic - Stark is meant to just take being sliced up to help Zoey and Heath doesn't really seem to care about the fact that he's dead because he's more concerned with Zoey. It's just repackaging gender stereotypes with a 'magyk' flair, and it's no more compelling for it.

Next, I'm apparently not done with Junji Ito, as we delve into another of his collections.

[ginhawatranslations]

Jersey Number Eleven - Chapter 33

Read the previous chapters here.

Hell week had just ended, and I was a bit distracted because of what Jerome said. Such a meddler, seriously. Instead of focusing on our exams, my mind kept wandering to how I would bring up the...

Wait, what should I even call this setup between me and number eleven. Happy friends? Annoying. What even is that, Kai? Is that even a thing? Tsk.

It feels like I'm overthinking all over again like I did before number eleven came to Baguio. That time when I was all confused, assuming things, questioning everything, delusional, imagining stuff, and getting giddy over the things he said and did.

Because honestly, if it were just up to me, I’d have no problem confessing. I almost did, didn’t I? If we felt the same, then great. If not, then I’d cry a bit. Just a bit, because I’ve got other things to do, okay?

Ahem. Volleyball. Ahem. Studies. Ahem. Future.

It’s just that I keep thinking about number eleven. Maybe he’s not ready yet. Maybe he still has questions about himself. And I don’t want to ask, because you’re not supposed to ask about things like gender. It’s up to the person if they’re ready to say who they are to others, and to themselves. If he’s not ready yet, who am I to force him to say it, right?

At the same time, it doesn’t really seem like he’s hiding the fact that he likes me. I might be slow and clueless sometimes, but not that clueless to miss what number eleven’s been showing and making me feel.

Honestly, Jerome has a point. Actions speak louder than words, but it still hits different when it's said out loud. It still hits different when you hear it. It still hits different when there’s an actual label - with words - for whatever this is between the two of us.

Just imagining number eleven saying he likes me already makes me blush redder than all the strawberries in Baguio. And that’s just from imagining it! What more if it really happens?

Tsk. You’re such a flirt, Kai.

But you get my point, right?

Why don’t you go ahead and confess first, Kaizen? When did you ever become such a coward? Back with Reena, you said right away that you liked her and you were going to court her. What happened now?

Because this is different! It’s number eleven, for crying out loud! Tsk.

How is it different? Because he’s a guy too? Does that change anything? There’s no “different” when it comes to love, Kai! Whoever they are...if you love them, you love them, idiot!

Tsk. At this point, I’m about to believe my brain has a mind of its own. I shook my head not because he didn’t have a point, but to stop myself. I was really close to following my defiant brain.

“Is there a problem, Kai?”

I turned to look at number eleven, who was already staring at me. We were at this café/study hub near Creston. We were supposed to go to Tanay again, but I chose this place instead so it would be easier for him to study, since he’s the one with exams next week.

“Are you okay?” he asked again when I didn’t respond right away. We were sitting side by side, and he closed the book he was reading and turned his body toward me.

Our eyes met. I gathered my courage and locked eyes with him. I took a deep breath and tried not to look away.

Would it still be called delusion if I thought he liked me?

Am I still just assuming if I think he sees me as more than a friend?

Just look at him. That’s what made me fall for him, right? Those simple, meaningful glances. Those eyes that seem to hold something whenever they look at me.

“Number eleven...”

“Hmm?”

“What if...” I like you?

He didn’t say anything, but he kept his eyes on me, waiting for what I’d say next. But my gaze shifted to the books and reviewers on our table.

Maybe I’ll confess after his hell week ends. Or maybe before the in-season tournament starts.

“What is it, Kai?”

I just smiled and looked away. I turned my attention back to my phone and the iced coffee I ordered earlier.

No. Let’s do this instead: I’ll confess if we win our first game. That’ll be against Easton University, and I know they’re tough opponents. But I’ll make my confession my extra motivation to beat them. Yeah, that’s the plan, Kai.

I really want to tell number eleven that I like him. I won’t ask if he likes me back. I just want to let him know how I feel.

Suddenly, I felt nervous. But more than that, I was excited.

“Nothing,” I said. “Probably still got a hangover from hell week,” I added with a fake laugh.

I saw from the corner of my eye that number eleven was still looking at me, but I pretended to be unbothered. I sipped my iced coffee and hit play on the Easton game highlights on my phone.

“Hey, you should start studying,” I said when he still wouldn’t stop staring. If I were him, I’d keep reviewing. When I took a look at what they were studying? I got dizzy. That’s when I knew engineering really isn’t for me.

“What are you watching?” he asked, peeking at my phone. Shit. He’s so close. And he smells so good.

“Past games of Easton. I’m studying their moves since they’re our first match.”

He nodded. “I see.”

“Maybe you’ve got some tips on how to beat them?”

“Heavy serves, ba—” he paused and cleared his throat. “Heavy serves, Kai. So their setter wouldn’t be able to create plays.”

“Doesn’t seem that effective. Their spikers are great at out-of-system plays.”

We ended our day without number eleven getting any studying done. We just analyzed Easton’s play style. But I did tell him to review, okay? I don’t want to be the reason he fails. But he just said he’s got it under control. Tss. I forgot he’s not just a rich kid, he’s also a bright kid. So I wasn’t even surprised when I found out he’s on the dean’s list.

**********

“What’s up, Kai?” Jerome asked while our team was warming up. Time flew by so fast. Felt like I just blinked and it’s game day already?!

But more than the game against Easton, I was more nervous about what would happen if we beat them. If - emphasis on the if - we win, I’ll finally confess to number eleven! That’s really what’s been on my mind. My priorities in life really have a strange hierarchy sometimes.

But of course, we need to win first. It’s an uphill battle, but like they say, the ball is round.

“What’s up with what?” I asked Jerome.

The crowd was growing. Of course, Westmore and Easton playing on the same day? And speaking of Westmore, they were the first match today and won against Southern University.

Number eleven even got Player of the Game.

Not surprising, but still amazing to watch him on the court. You’d never guess he just came back after months of rest. I caught a bit of his game earlier, and the gentle giant Roen Alejo, my Baguio trip buddy last year, wasn’t there.

And I’ll admit... he’s hot when he plays.

“Has Alejo confessed to you yet?”

“Cap! Shut up!” I cut him off and covered his mouth.

He laughed and raised his hands in mock surrender. People were already starting to glance our way. Tsk!

“Sorry, sorry,” he said when I let go of his mouth. “But still nothing? No confessions yet?” he whispered.

I frowned. “Nothing.”

“How long are you going to wait? Kai, what if someone else snatches him away from you?”

I instantly shot him a glare. But of course, our team captain just laughed. Such a nuisance. I’m seriously asking Vince to scare him in the dugout later while he’s showering.

“You’re scary when you’re jealous, Kai,” he said, giggling as he pinched my cheek. I swear, if he weren’t my captain, I would’ve smacked him already. I was already nervous as it is. I’m only brave right now because number eleven isn’t in front of me. But I have a feeling I’ll panic later when it’s time to actually say it.

“You want me to speed up his confession to you?”

My brows furrowed. “Huh?”

Jerome just grinned, threw his arm around my shoulder, and leaned in close.

Then suddenly, he kissed me on the cheek!

“You idiot!”

I didn’t get the chance to push Jerome away because the buzzer sounded. That meant warm-ups were officially over and the game was about to start. Tsk! That idiot! Captain or not, I swear I’m going to smack him later!

I gave him a death glare, but he just ran off laughing. I was about to chase him when he suddenly pointed at something.

I turned and froze in place. There was number eleven, sitting in the audience, brows furrowed, eyes locked on me with a serious expression.

My mouth went dry. Shit. Did he see that? Is he mad? I didn’t even know he was going to watch!

“And wearing jersey number eleven, Creston University's starting libero, Kaizen Reyes!”

The Creston supporters roared, but I was in a daze as I walked onto the court with the rest of the starting players. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way number eleven looked at me earlier. Especially the furrow in his brows! I feel like I’m in trouble, even though I didn’t even do anything wrong!

“Kai, you okay?” Jerome asked with a smirk.

I glared at him, but he just laughed again. It’s his fault, honestly! I swear I’m getting back at him later in the dugout!

“You’re bullying Kai again, Cap,” Vince said.

“He’s such a turtle,” Jerome replied, pinching my cheek again.

Tsk. Instead of just confessing to number eleven, it looks like I’ll have to explain myself at the police station.

Translator's Notes

Jerome used the word pagong (turtle) to describe how Kai is taking his relationship with Roen too slowly.

The Tagalog word for police station is presinto.

[diaryoftheunidropout]

DAY 365

A year. A year since I dropped out. A whole year since "Day 1", March 3rd 2023.

It's crazy how fast time has passed and how many things have happened and how, in a way, not much has changed.

I have grown very fond of Queen these past few weeks, not that I wasn't into their music before, but this is just another level of admiration. I've been to the UK many, many times, and to the US too. I've been Logan's WWG. I've had Alice tag me in their story literally yesterday, thanking me for the book I gave them. I've met new people, and I've lost friends. I've had dreams, doubts, moments of hope and others of despair. I've realized how important the arts and culture were to me and how I wanted a job connected to that, perhaps just not on the artist's side due to my clear lack of talent and abilities (at least in my own opinion). I've also very recently realized that finding a job in that field would prove extremely difficult, as there are more people wanting to work in it than jobs available, and the degrees requirements often feel out of my reach.

So I still don't really know what my plan is now. When I dropped out, I wanted to take a few weeks off, then find a job, anything, and then go back to my studies by September, probably a business school. Turns out, I never felt well enough to work until August, and by then I'd given up on the idea of going back to studying for very long (probably around May). Found a job in September, felt so miserable that I quit at the end of the third day, and I've been trying to find some stability since then, and also a new, better plan. And I feel very stuck.

A completely delusional part of me is convinced I am destined to do great things and to be a star, in one way or another. A photographer? A writer? Something else? Nothing, perhaps? I often fantasize about writing a great book that people will love, and readers coming up to me asking for an autograph, and Alice reading it and loving it and realizing it I wrote it for them and us becoming friends and maybe someday having a very special bond, because we are soulmates and it was meant to be, right? And all along, it was always meant to be this way and my dad was never disappointed in me or my life choices because he always knew, as one now-omniscient being does, that I would do Great things.

I'm writing now and everything flows and comes so naturally, and I wish it were like this when I write fiction. I wish I'd have the motivation, the will, the determination. I know it's already in me, but it's buried so deep...

I think reading about Queen has just reinforced these illusions in my mind. How they started from nothing and built this incredible career and carved out outstanding lives for themselves. I want that, and I'm capable of that. I want to think that way every day, and even when I don't or can't, I want to pretend that I think this way until I convince myself again that I do.

My dad has been dead for 4 years and I want to make him proud. I want the past 356 days to represent a period of growth in my life, as well as one during which I made dreams come true and realized that my priority should always be chasing more and more of my dreams.

So I'll put this out into the universe: I want to do great things and be successful. I want my name to be known and associated with something positive that is loved by many. I never want to worry about money ever again. I want to surround myself with good people and make my own dreams come true.

I will.

[magicrendezvous]

Bouquet of perennial dreams 🩷

July has shifted its magic, from portal to portal, showcasing the love of innuendos and infinity to achieve everything that’s stated in mind. The words we hear create an impact, so does the way we talk about ourselves. To view yourself as something as 𝒎𝒂𝒋𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄 as it is, to observe beneath the lines of flaws that makes you a human, fighting with the armour of your own mind. It is not possible. The month eventually showed to be as sweet as one could ever believe. Even for our character’s was undeniably fulfilling and rich to ignore the 3D events and start going delusional about it.

“I am sure about my magnetism and power to change my life.” “I am sure that I will start receiving 20 different job offers per day that are perfect for me.” “i am sure that life will become sweeter than fiction.” “i am sure that i will receive money.” “ i am sure that i will be a winner of a monazo of 10,000,000.00 CRC” “I am sure people love and admire my energy and that’s why they love to spend time with me.” “I am sure money is so obsessed with me that I keep attracting more into my life.”

I am sure.

Her mind wandered from workshop day 1 by July 5th, she absorbed every detail and information provided with a new mindset. Affirmations and subliminals, skyrocketed, the effect was immediate that she embodied the perfect example of someone having extreme good luck, someone knowing their worth and power, someone walking through a goddess belief and receiving everything she wanted instantly. Every picture taken was breathtaking, people loved to talk to her. Her writing was receiving more compliments than ever.

“Life is supposed to be easy, well, mine is.” And now her dad, Javier, had won money to buy the diary at home and pay some of the accounts he had to pay. Her mind became attached to the hip of hymns of “I am a lucky lucky girl.” Monazos were being won left and right from amounts of 5,000,000 to 10,000,000. Debts accounts were started to be paid, one of them being the washing machine to her grandfather, William. Every time she’d wake up, there was this energetic field she could perceive surrounding her, and pulling her around. Perceiving how she had entered a new body, as she walked through the door of her room, the feeling of something different hit only to be aware she had quantum jumped. Her face was as beaming as ever, flashing lights of her inner glow, she was her own rendition of perfection.

“Another day waking up to be a young, successful woman getting everything I ask because it is my deal and right.” Shaken up to the matrix, she got it all. The bank account started to grow, from 35,000.00 CRC her account ended up to be 500,000.00 CRC. Dreams of business ideas flew, every morning after her routine, she’d write down the details of the dream to start working towards it. It was becoming more clear-cut, and neat to where she could start and what she could do.

She was energised and materialising the emotions of someone living their dream life, she already had her dream life in her mind. She never stopped and continued being as delusional as ever. In her mind she was wealthy, rich, she travelled to countries like England, Spain, Portugal, Italy, France, Greece, Thailand, China. She was out and about changing the wardrobe to the clothes she always wanted, upgraded her laptop to a new one. There she was, singing in her head “i am a lucky lucky girl, in a lucky lucky world.” And she was, everyone could feel it.

Every day that passed, made her to become more delusional of her reality and this proved that her manifestation came in quick. She embodied the gratitude energy, she was happy, free, content, secure, stable. Her days were easy, she had it all go the way she wanted. She was a favourite of the universe being pampered everyday. How does it feel to be the one?

“I can’t help it, the universe loves me. I’m their favourite child.” And the energy continued to grow, her mind expanded, her eyes were stuffed in more books, the knowledge augmented and her power became more powerful and bigger. Fearfulness disappeared and confidence emerged from the ground. Fingers were snapped and she had it. She was a goddess, a queen, and the universe made sure to treat her like one. Sent her friends, and a love that seemed to test her to see if she had learnt her lesson and she did. Universe applauded and her energy grew, she had more confidence of herself after the encounter, she knew the universe was at her feet to have it all. Now it was about time for universe to move forces and bring the man that was as equally in the frequency as her.

July, powerful moon, static images, and stability was awaiting to be grown. Her parents received the shock of a new mindset, there were no longer complaints, only gratitude, they went full mode of delusion and started to get what they were claiming for. Mayela and Javier, uplifted themselves from the quantum jump Priscilla did, so did Steven as well, and the way they’d perceived life was shifted upon before their eyes. Things slithered smoothly to them, blockages were eliminated and prosperity reigned in their minds and soul. She already knew the kind of house they were going to move next, as the car they were going to buy. She was getting ready to say her goodbye to her work colleagues, with infinite gratitude in her heart for her boss and company— her wings spread and it was time to go and insert in the portal of abundance that she always knew belonged to her.

Lottery was bound to be win, could this be a secret of july’s end?

Sensual redemptions; love core of winter’s role.

[smileymoth]

okay fine you two @guyphantom @gh0stofyesterday

please nobody crucify me i am unfortunately embarrassed about speculating about real people who i have never met and never will meet. also i say allegedly a lot because i don't want people to take my words to 100% accuracy because i spread misinformation on accident a lot

i am putting this under read more because i got too enthusiastic help

nobody really knows what the fuck actually happened that they split ways, Deuce says he got jumped afterward, that he was pointed a gun at, HU say that that never happened and he was a problem to carry around because none of them agreed w what he was doing. Like did they really gang up on him. Did they all bully him. It makes me feel weird being such a big fan because what if they really did do him bad, but then there's the other end of him being a massive fuckwad and not showing up to shows and using the very little money they had to pay for his own things (allegedly, to have Yuma on tour w him if i understood correctly-), which would obviously piss off ANYONE who tries to do any sort of business. He just... seems to have been an awful bandmate. He claims he doesn't know why he was kicked. So either he was delusional or denying things. i will be honest i have forgotten most of the lore since again i was first got into this band when i was 12 and i'm 22 now (i am never leaving the labyrinth) but like. AAAHH

obvs i don't know what he thinks now per say, but if we go by nine lives/invincible/nightmare... he got kicked out in 2009 and then he went to do his own shit and released stuff in 2012/17/18, so about 3 to 9 years later, he was still writing songs about them and how they betrayed him and especially Jdog, he just straight up namedrops him in Nightmare, which is understandable because weren't they besties and didn't they start the band together (with shady jeff? allegedly? thats what he claims at least. who are you. you got pointed a gun at thats all i know),

Its okay to hold grudges but is it really productive to hold onto something 9 years later, to write a song about it... It's fine really, but it really just comes off as very desperate and miserable. like im sorry this is 900% about HU. and ofc the r word, classy, i think the dog reference was intentional

Me and my friend discussed this, and he brought up an interesting point, that it's probably because all of his life falling apart always connects back to being kicked out of the band. Addicted to drugs -> I didnt have money and needed something to cope with -> why-? -> hu -> jdog. My music career dunked -> why > hu > jdog . you know. Everything goes back to them. so he probably feels such wrath toward them that he never let go of, because he couldn't pick up after being kicked out. I do wonder why because he had a very loyal fanbase from what i can gather. Did producers just fuck him over because he had no money and signed some leases that were fucked? Might've also been that he didn't release new music for a while after 2012 like he promised. It didn't seem like he had any PR managers or social media training too when I remember browsing his FB page in like 2017...

Like the musical direction in Nine Lives already wasn't the best, or maybe it just wasn't for me... I think gravestone is one of the best songs out of it, but it's also probably referencing to Hollywood Undead. Do you people think that his grudge toward HU is what kept him from growing as a musician??? Because if you think about it for too long it does start to seem so... Maybe it's not that, but that he will always be seen as the "former vocalist of HU" instead of his own thing. Like even I see him more as that rather than HU but i guess it's because he didn't become a big artist like he promises in every song he writes. (Again I don't know much abt rap scenes but that's probably also one of the things they do, much like being aggressive toward other rappers and picking fights so to say. sth abt the culture maybe) But again he states in his spotify bio and everywhere that HE's the one from Hollywood Undead and HE made them and THEY left him. It's like he can't let go of that title to become his own thing. Am I running in circles rn. Unintentional song reference.

I am very intrigued by whatever happened with him and Johnny tho, because the only diss track they made abt him was Lights Out (Funny story w that one: my mom knew I was a HU fan so she also proxy listened to them, and she once asked who is singing. and im like. Oh its them. "interesting they sound nothing like that usually" and I had to agree I guess. haha. Like it is very... different? I guess?) and J3T was the only one who didn't partake in it I think. And I've also heard people say it's because he didn't want to be in a distrack about him. But then he also states that J3T was one of the people who beat him up. Like what's going on here.

this is a bit rough tho like imagine you make a band and you get kicked out and they're like HAHA you suck.

But if you take into consideration that Deuce allegedly claimed he wrote all of their lyrics (when? i dont know) and if you compare the styles of his own songs and later hu songs then it doesn't really... match up... like swan songs sounds more like american tragedy than it does nine lives. you know

it does Seem like Perhaps the masks were Deuces idea or it's just something that he wants to be his thing so bad because he has had soo many masks. and some do look really cool. I like the disco ball one it looks real clean, (the fact that he used it for 'lets get it crackin' kinda makes me sad tho. sorry I really don't like that song and the lyrics of it)

Now if we take Nightmare.. I remember being extremely hyped about this song because I heard like a nokia recorded sound clip of it from some concert in 2017 and I downloaded a ''cleaned up'' copy of it from some weird mp3 website and probably got like 10 viruses on my samsung galaxy a4 but whatever . Not The Point.

like look at this and tell me it isnt about HU or Jdog in general. oh wait he namedrops him

''Here comes the pain over and over again'' You Are In Love With The Dog Please Let Him Go It's Been 9 Years. your codependency is hurting you

and then now when he released the ''collateral damage" album last year... you know I just feel bad for him because you can clearly hear the decline in his music and lyric writing it hurts me I hope he can pick himself up again at one point ... like literally no ill will to him I'm just a hater sometimes

This has nothing to do with HU but the cover of this is so bad it makes me want to cry .

Or well maybe it does have Something to do with it because is there a reason you used the exact same mask as you had in HU, just like, on a metal board. You'd think if he wants to be his own musician he would try to get away from the Hollywood Undead Branding as much as possible. Or is he trying to get clicks based on the familiarity of fans recognizing him because he really has nothing left at this point.

And if I go through the album then I can't even tell if it's him or if its someone else and the lyrics are just sad. They're really sad to just look at I don't even want to report on them.

I do wonder if any of them are still friends with Jeffree Star... Another interesting thing is that in one Bryan Stars interview with Ronnie Radke they spoke abt the 'Nobody likes me' song collab that he did w Deuce and he said Fuck Hollywood Undead they fucked him over badly. But then like, years later, last year, Ronnie was headlining(?) or at least performing together with HU and they seemed to be very buddy buddy with each other. Ofc some people were upset because Ronnie is a little freak who needs to be put down like a sick dog but it makes me wonder if it was more of just the management making them work together... But I dont think they'd be buddy buddy w someone that much if they didn't get along? Like they and Papa Roach had a fantastic tour together last year. It just makes you wonder. You know. But again like Ronnie Radke is the most unreliable guy ever, so did he also abandon Deuce like they complained about everyone else doing, or was it just a press tour for him.

This is Ronnies verse on that song but it does make me think that it's about HU once again, and well, Escape the Fate too, because in the interview he did tell Bryan about how they made up lies about him.

The amount of times Deuce says faggot or homosexuals tho is ridiculous. The average homophobe spends 30% more time thinking about gay sex than the average homosexual or whatever that saying is.

another thing about him. i know he's like part russian but did he really have to get a hammer and cycle tattooed on his hand. whats that about. thats like getting the swastika tattooed on your arm but go off king ??? i blame it on him being american

Me psychoanalyzing the relationship between hu and deuce every few months when the hyperfix hits again

[hyuckmov]

JING please do something i am begging

…... haechan i am not your strongest soldier