#does anybody else think it's so fucked up that doctors will literally see a previous eating disorder diagnosis in ur chart

[falloutcoys]

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[prurientpuddlejumper]

A Punchable Face That I Want to Kiss, Ch. 3

<- Previous Chapter | Chapter 4 ->

Summary: Chilton thinks about you when he knows he’s going to die. 

1,849 words

“Do not come over tonight,” he said. Even through the bad cell phone connection, you could tell he was nervous, and it made you nervous.

“What’s the matter?”

“Or tomorrow night,” he continued. “Or ever. Stay away.”

“What?” Your heart sank. “What are you saying? I thought things were going well…”

“Only for the time being. You... may have been right,” his voice cracked ever-so-slightly. You knew it pained him to admit that, and the fact that he did made your blood go cold. “I think Hannibal Lecter is going to kill me. There is no reason for you to be there when it happens.”

Shit.

You worried when he started to believe Will Graham—ironically, the very thing you had wanted to begin with, but Will had changed, and you couldn't help suspect he was trying to get revenge on Chilton by roping him into investigating Hannibal Lecter. You were certain he at least didn’t care if Chilton was killed when Will started dangling fame and glory in front of his nose.

Chilton was too ambitious to resist the promise of fame and glory, and was the kind of fool to go poking his nose where it didn’t belong.

“Fuck that, I’m coming over. If we’re together, I can protect you.”

“Don’t. I am going to try to... Wait,” he paused, marveling, “you would do that for me?” His resolve firmed again, “Do not come. Please. Look, there is nothing connecting us except sex—good sex, mind you, but—you may not be on the Ripper’s radar. If you are close to me when he comes, he will only kill you, too. It’s not worth it. I do not want you caught up in this. Take the advice I should have: do not get involved.”

There was a click, and the call went dead.

You felt gutted.

 *****

 Frederick was the kind of man who spent all his nights and weekends alone, until you. It was pathetic to think you were his most stable relationship—not just currently, but of his entire life—when he had only known you for a few months.

That was not to say he was inexperienced.

He had fumbled with plenty of bras as a young legacy in a Harvard fraternity, and with fraternity brothers in dark closets, mostly under the influence of cheap alcohol (bought ironically, of course).

He dated in medical school, but there wasn’t much time for relationships when he was constantly studying twice as hard as everyone else just to stay in the middle of the class rankings instead of sinking to the bottom. Besides, in academia there was a full menu of up-and-coming doctors to choose from, and he was never found to be the most appetizing selection. Too bitter.

Family money opened all the right doors for him after graduating and starting his own practice. There, he could sit on top of his own throne without all the competition. Wealth and power finally made him a prime cut to the type who wanted to marry an important doctor, and the nurses and secretaries fell at his feet.

Unfortunately the type of person who, first and foremost, wanted an important doctor, was not interested in an emotional relationship—at least, the money came first.

Some sought the full package of money and romance, but those he always chased away after one or two dates. He found that anyone willing to tolerate his personality defects was the type to borrow his credit cards, ply him for gifts, demand a promotion, ignore him or cheat the moment he wasn’t buying something, and ultimately blackmail him for one final payout when even the money and status weren’t enough to tolerate being with him any longer.

It was fine, he told himself. He used them and they used him—it was how the game was played.

Then there was you.

Frederick Chilton always found you arrogant and unpleasant. He was an expert in his field, a respected psychiatrist who had discovered the Chesapeake Ripper in his facility, and you spoke to him as if he were a child!

(Well, assuming you swore so much at children. He wouldn’t know. children are filthy.)

Whenever he saw you entering his hospital, he knew he would need an extra glass of scotch to recover. You were fierce, never making a single effort to mask your intentions, whether it was tearing into him for (allegedly) unethical practices, or failing completely to mask your sexual attraction to him.

It had been a long time since anybody made a pass at him. Running an institution for the criminally insane was not widely considered sexy, and made his doctor-husband stock plummet—a fact for which he was grateful. Romance was hardly worth the effort, and he would rather be alone than pretend.

He should have shot you down. It would have delightfully changed the power dynamic—any time you insulted his methods, he could remind you of your embarrassing plea for his attention.

But in truth, he enjoyed sparring with you. The days you didn’t come rattle your sword at him were dull. Nobody else spoke to him so brazenly, even though many certainly shared your opinion. It was refreshing.

He’d been imagining ripping your clothes off for weeks.

This would be a one-time thing, he thought: another case of using and being used. He assumed you would call a taxi when it was over, but when he woke up in the morning your arms were wrapped around him with the sweetest smile on your lips. It was odd. It sort of made his chest ache even though he was sure he liked it.

This must have been what pity sex was like. Ah, the advantages of a cane!

Stranger still, you kept coming back to see him. A one-night stand turned into two, turned into three, until it became a habit—and you spent additional time with him for no particular reason he could discern. The sex was great, but fucking did not require staying the entire night to cuddle. When he was too busy working late to stop for dinner, much less for a sexual escapade, you showed up anyway, surprising him with a bag of fast food. It was greasy and barely edible, but thoughtful. You read a book in one of his leather chairs and ate all his fries while he typed reports into the night.

Surely you had other partners to choose from who would have been more entertaining. Your behavior was quite abnormal.

He knew you had an angle, but couldn’t figure out what it was. Breakfast, maybe?

The fact that he made you eggs and gourmet coffee didn’t seem enough to account for your always choosing to spend time with him. You said his house was nice, but even that wasn't enough. The equation was unbalanced. He never paid you, and you never demanded gifts—even when he offered them, you flatly refused. You would not let him so much as replace your cracked cellphone screen. You had always been so vehemently insistent about Will Graham’s innocence, but since you started sleeping with him you’d never asked for any favors, like moving Graham to a nicer cell or falsifying a psych evaluation.

He’d even had a full-blown panic attack in front of you. Something you could have used as leverage to threaten his very career. But you didn’t.

If you were ingratiating yourself with him for an ulterior motive, you were terrible at it.

Honestly, terrible. He wanted to give you pointers, but it would spoil the game. Unless—he considered the terribly disconcerting possibility—there was no game. You weren’t using him, you just had feelings for him. Real ones. It made him feel strange and off balance—if there was nothing transactional about the relationship, it was not something he could control. The thought disturbed him so much he nearly called the whole thing off, but something stopped him from picking up the phone. There was a squirming in his gut, and he didn’t like it.  

What did you possibly want from him? What reason did you have to care?

Was it pity?

Pity was the only answer that made sense. Pity made you want to protect him; you had said as much on that first morning. It explained your change from hostility to affection (usually it went the other way around), and why he hadn’t driven you away by now.

It was nice, he thought. He rather liked your pity.

He would have been happy basking in it for a long time, but… he made an error in judgment.

Chilton knew he had fucked up. He was so drawn in by Hannibal Lecter, trying to be his friend—trying to be like him—and all the while whispering sensitive information right into the Chesapeake Ripper’s ear. Then he had to go and listen to Will Graham, to show Jack Crawford that tape with evidence that seemed so solid at the time. But he was played. Hannibal knew he knew, and Chilton was the Judas who tried to sell him out.

He was dead meat. Literally.

He was dead, but you—you had believed Graham from the start, and stayed far away from Dr. Lecter. He was dead, but you didn’t have to go down with him. He could keep you safe. Out of the line of fire. The time you had spent together recently had been nice, and while he had no desire to die alone, the twisting in his gut insisted that he owed you that much for giving him so much of your time. This was the right reason to call things off.

One good deed could not make up for a life of misfortune and selfishness, but if he could save you from sharing his fate, then dying would not be the worst thing that could happen.

  *****

“Him? How can you honestly believe Frederick Chilton is capable of being a serial killer?!” you screamed in Jack Crawford’s face after he arrested the shaken psychiatrist. Since learning what had happened, you were… upset. “Are you stupid? He’s being framed, just like Will! That man does not have the constitution to make dioramas out of murdered bodies—he’s an anxious nerd who can’t even drink coffee unless it has been first digested by a civet!”

“Watch it, or I'm sending you home,” Crawford warned as the federal agent who would tolerate no disrespect, especially in the middle of an FBI field office. As Crawford the sensitive father figure, the edges of his hard stare softened with sympathy, and he pat you consolingly on the arm.

“At least let me see him!”

Crawford did his best to calm you down, reassuring you that Chilton would be investigated fairly using all the resources of his task force. So you tried to relax as the doctor was handcuffed and dragged into the bowels of the field office to be interrogated. Crawford guided his old protégé, Miriam Lass, into the observation room to confirm whether Dr. Chilton was in fact the Chesapeake Ripper who had held her hostage for three years, while you paced impatiently outside.

There came a loud bang.

[simsadventures]

Better Like This- Chapter 1: The Squad

Chapter Summary: Reader is on her way to her new department, the SVU, or as people like to call them, the Avengers. She thinks back to her previous department and is introduced to the squad. Nothing can happen, right? 

Warnings: I used one swear word, sue me, other than that: none, it is a police AU, beware

Pairing (in this chapter): Alpha!Tony x Omega!Bruce, Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader, 

Word Count: 2121 

A/N: This is really just an introductory chapter to get this thing going. Bear with me please, it will get better, I promise. More action coming soon! x

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

Your feet carried you along the hallway. This was it, you were finally here. The one place you’ve dreamed about, the ones towards which all of your hopes were inclining. The special victims unit of New York’s police. Most people, however, called them the Avengers for the dedication to avenging the unfortunate victims’ souls and lives. You knew you couldn’t work for this team unless someone put a good word for you and your well-done job. 

So you kept your head down, and after the police academy went to work for the missing persons unit to prove you were a more than capable of handling the job. One thing that stood in your way, and not only in the police work was your presentation. Ever since you presented as Omega when you were 17, your life changed dramatically. You were used to the stereotypes and aggressive and touchy Alphas by now, and with your training, you could take on most of them. 

You could, however, see that most Alphas in the police academy and then later in your previous unit weren’t trusting your skills and they were undermining your every step of the way. But you came back stronger, more determined and definitely more than ready to show all those assholes that you were more than a womb for their seed or a pretty face. You were tough! And you were about to prove it! 

The team of the SVU was a big one, the whole police department knowing that these were the crimes most common in NY and in this case, the more, the merrier. The unit was run by an Alpha, naturally, but from what you heard, he was one of the good ones. 

His name was Captain Rogers, and from the photos you’ve seen from the numerous arrests you saw, he was really handsome, with that big bulky arms and enchanting eyes. Not really your type if you were honest with yourself, he looked like too much of a goody-goody, but, who knows, right? But looks aside, all departments knew that this Captain was fair, doing his job so well some people wanted to see him in a chair of a Commissioner, even though he was only 30-35, who could tell, right? You were actually really excited to work for/with him and most importantly, to learn from him. Hopefully, you’d get the chance.

Other than him, however, you didn’t really know anyone from the team. You could maybe tell one or two names, but that was it. You really hoped these people, even though most probably mostly Alphas, were not as horrible as your previous team. You didn’t mean to offend anybody, but they really were just bunch of knot-headed idiots… 

All except the only Beta on the team, and your rock for the past two years. His name is Vision or short Vis, and he really was one of the main reasons why you stayed on the team and didn’t give up on your dream. It was him telling you almost every day that you were good enough and that you could do big things, if only you wanted and were determined enough to actually start doing them. Soon after you guys met, he introduced you to his fiancé, Wanda, also a Beta, who is an artist- she does everything from oil painting to creating sculptures from old washing machines (yup, she’s done that!). 

Sure, you did have some friends from college, but you mostly lost touch with them, never really feeling as if you fitted between them. The Alphas really only saw you as a piece of meat, and the Omegas… well, they were friendly, and all but you could see that their only aspiration in life was to get mated, give their Alphas as many pups as they could and.. that was it. 

However, there still was one exception (there always was, right?) and you were thanking whatever God was sitting upstairs for bringing her into your life. Her name was Gamora and, just like you, she wanted to prove to everyone that Omegas were as valuable in the society as any Alpha. She was now part of the fire department in NY, the only Omega in the whole unit, and you couldn’t have been more proud of her. 

You stopped before the door to the office. You shouldn’t be thinking about your whole life right before you’re starting a new job. You cleared your throat, took three calming breaths and opened the door. 

What you could already tell from just the one step you took into the open-office, was the lighter air that surrounded you. You could smell all three presentations mingling in the air, and the atmosphere could only be described as calm. Which is definitely not the word you would use to describe your previous job. Sure, stressful, constricted, too-much-testosterone, those words you could use, but calm? Friendly? Never.

Few people looked up from their works, slightly nodded their heads and smiled, but nothing really more than that as you continued on your way to the Captain’s personal office. 

 Knock, knock. “Come in,” you heard from the inside of the room. “Ah, detective Y/L/N. You are a little early, I like that!” He smiled, warmly at you as you shook his hand. “Captain Rogers, I’m really thankful for this opportunity and-“you couldn’t finish your sentence as he raised his hand and smiled again. “Don’t thank me, detective. It was your hard work and so many successful arrests and finding of the missing people that got you this job. We are thrilled to have you here.” 

You released a breath you didn’t know you were holding. When he raised the hand, you really expected him to shut you up by saying that he had to employ you, or that he doesn’t expect you to last so you shouldn’t really be thankful. But the warmth which radiated from him, his friendly smile, those were not the things you were prepared for.  

“So, to get to the work, I’ll pair you up with one of our senior detectives, Scott Lang. Give me a sec.” He went around you, opened the door and yelled: “Hey, Lang, your new partner’s here.” 

Which was followed by a loud laughing howl by what you thought was Scott. “Excuse him, he is just a big child sometimes, but somehow, he is really good at his job.” Steve looked at you, half amused. “’s ok. I’m really used to pretty much anything, sir.” You smiled at him as you smelt an Alpha coming to the office. 

“You must be Y/L/N! I’m so excited to meet you! I mean, sheesh, your stats? Unbelievable, you gotta show me all your secrets, dude!” He then grabbed you and pulled you into a bear hug. What the fuck is happening? 

“I mean when I heard I was gonna be paired up with you? Man, I almost fainted! You are like a fracking legend thanks to that Rumlow arrest!” He was literally beaming. You couldn’t help your own smile as you watched the Alpha ramble on and on. 

You giggled when Captain stopped Scott from going on with his outburst. “Alright, you can fangirl over your partner later, Lang,” he turned to you with an apologetic shrug, to which you just smiled and rolled your eyes playfully. “Let me introduce you to the rest of the squad, and after that, we got a job to do. Come on.”

“Listen up, squad. This is detective Y/N Y/L/N. Detective, this is your new squad, your new family. Detective Tony Stark,” he showed you a smaller Alpha, with a smirk on his face, obviously full of himself but he didn’t look at you like you were a piece of meat. Just amused look seeing a newbie, really. 

“He is also like our IT genius, so whenever you have a problem, he is your person.” The Captain continued. You both just nodded at each other, and the introduction continued. “This is his Omega, doctor Bruce Banner, he is our forensic guy and pretty much anything science-going on, it goes through him.” Bruce hugged you, “It is so nice to meet you, it must be overwhelming to come to such big new squad, but these idiots are really fine.” He smirked at you, and you laughed. “Hey, who you calling an idiot, huh? We’ll talk about it at home, LOVE!” Tony’s voice beamed behind Bruce. He just rolled his eyes and shrugged, “Yeah, whatever you say, my big bad Alpha.” 

You really laughed out loud and even snorted a little, which caused little laughs all around the squad. “With a laugh like that? You’ll be just fine here, sweetheart.” Said the only female voice on the team, a Beta who introduced herself as Natasha. You liked her immediately. “I haven’t heard such teasing between Alphas and Omegas in a long time, that’s all.” “Well, sweetie, get used to it because the teasing here? That’s a daily tea!” She smiled and winked. “Oh I can’t wait, bring it!” You all laughed when suddenly, the front door opened.

Before you could actually notice who was coming in, you could smell them. Two Alphas. One’s smell was very regular, and due to your suppressants (which you were really taking as a precaution in your line of work), all Alphas smell more or less the same to you. You can smell the testosterone and the “strength” if you could call it that. 

But the other Alpha was different. You took another whiff of air, and it suddenly hit you like a tidal wave. This Alpha (you couldn’t yet see if it was a man or a woman, due to the squad surrounding you) smelled like heaven to you. It was a combination of sandalwood, the smell of forest shortly after rain and something else, like a spice which you weren’t able to identify. But you didn’t really care. 

The only thing running through your mind was one word: MATE! MATE! MATE! Was it possible? 

Not that you didn’t believe in true mates, your heart was romantic enough to keep that hope alive. But as you were growing older, and none of the Alphas you met ignited any fire in you, you started to slowly give up. 

But now you were sure. He or she was here and though you would never say it out loud, the Omega in you started purring contently. You could remotely hear the team talking about something, a joke maybe? You weren’t sure as you went on your tip-toes to try and see who walked through that door. You could see 4 eyes looking your way, one pair brown and you felt that those weren’t those eyes you were looking for. 

The second pair was icy blue and when you looked into them, you felt as if the Alpha could see right into your soul. You wanted to look away, tried not to be the stereotypical Omega, but you just couldn’t make yourself let go. 

There was a scenario in your head, for when you’d meet your Alpha. You tried not to think of it, but it was there, in the back of your mind. You would look at each other, walk towards each other, touch each other’s cheek and smile and just be happy. You didn’t need a fairytale, just this little act of future love and affection. 

Your feet, therefore, carried you towards this Adonis of an Alpha, still looking into his eyes. What you didn’t expect, however, was the Alphas loud growl. It stopped you in your tracks. You wanted to whine but stopped yourself. You were an adult with some self-control. Even if you could feel this control slipping away each second you were in the Alpha’s presence. 

He snarled, shook his head and turned around to run out of the open-office and, probably, outside of the building too. 

The whine escaped your lips however hard you tried to suppress it. What was this Alpha’s problem? You immediately started to blame yourself, for probably not being his type, or not being pretty enough, but you stopped yourself. You used to blame yourself for every little misstep, for every bad mood of your father’s, Christ, even for the rain pouring down too hard when you had to do something outside. But the longer you spent with good friends like Gamora or Vis you realised, other people’s issues had mostly nothing to do with you.

So you knew that this wasn’t your fault! He just left without even getting to know you, touching you… What was this Alpha’s problem?

Next chapter>

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[fairie-gothmother]

In The Shadow of Starlight, Part 4: Mental Bullet Wounds

Part 1: The Fall

Part 2: Negotiating With Gods

Part 3: The Nature of the Beast

"Ah. Fuck!" Octavia was getting frustrated. Of course, she had to get shot in the most awkward spot possible. No matter how she twisted, she just couldn't get a good view of the bullet wound in her shoulder. It didn't help that this medical room didn't have the proper equipment for self surgery. She hadn’t had the time to order supplies, so all she had to extract bullets was a knife and a tiny wall mounted mirror.

She pulled her shirt down further off the shoulder and tried yet another angle to get a better look. Seeing the reflection of her back, she was reminded why she kept herself covered at all times. Nothing but ridged, pink scar tissue covered her entire back and extended beneath the collar of the shirt down both arms. It was disgusting. She hated it. Hated the way it looked, the way it felt, and the memories it brought up.

She saw tears welling up in the eyes of her reflection. What a sorry sight. She looked up and blinked away the tears, refusing to let them fall.

"Oh," came a voice in the room.

Octavia's stomach felt like it dropped to her ankles. She quickly covered up and turned to see Troy Calypso standing just inside the medical room, holding his side. He said, "I was going to tell you to stitch this up for me, but it looks like you could use a hand yourself."

"No, I got it," she snapped. Of course this guy didn't have the courtesy to fucking knock.

"Hm. That's funny. 'Cause from here, it looks like you're just making it worse by blindly digging around with that knife."

As much as she hated to admit it, he was right, but her self consciousness held her back. She tried so hard to make sure no one ever knew about her deepest shame, she couldn't let her defenses down that easily.

"You don't understand," she said, looking anywhere but the other man in the room.

"You really don't think the one armed cyborg would understand? C'mon. Let me take out that bullet so you can get started on sewing me up."

His gaze had focused on her, expression mixed somewhere between impatience, concern, and something else she couldn't put her finger on. Pulling her shirt down once again off the shoulder, she turned slightly and gestured her head towards her back.

She tensed as Troy crossed the room towards her, feeling her face get redder with each step. She turned facing away from him to give him access to the wound.

"You can use the switchblade on the table. Just push the button to open it," Octavia said.

"I do know how knives work," Troy said wryly. Octavia was about to retort, but the words were forgotten when she felt his fingertips sweep across the bare skin of her back. She shivered involuntarily. She hoped he didn't notice how much his light touch and close proximity was affecting her. To be honest, she didn't even want to admit it herself. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on sitting still.

Octavia couldn't help but flinch when the cool metal blade touched her skin and plunged into the wound.

"Ow! Be careful," Octavia hissed.

She could tell Troy was actually trying to remove the bullet without hurting her, but it was deeper than expected. Her eyes squeezed shut as he dove the tip of the blade further into the hole.

"It would be easier to be careful if you didn't move so much. Hold on. I think I got it." He held her shoulder for stability so he didn't accidentally cut her. He managed to angle the blade behind the tip of the bullet, slowly easing it out. After several long moments passed, he took the knife out and removed the metal object with his hand. Octavia yelped when he yanked it out. She turned to glare at Troy who only grinned and waved the bloody bullet in his hand.

"There. See, I know what I'm doing. Feel better?"

"Yeah," Octavia said. She ignored the heat in her cheeks as she pulled her shirt up over the exposed skin.

When Octavia thought back to when she first met the Calypso, she remembered thinking he was nothing but a monster. Now, she felt almost guilty for feeling that way. She owed him a lot. Not only for removing the bullet embedded in her shoulder but also for saving her life during the raid. She wanted to thank him, but just couldn't find the words to do it.

“Alright, let’s do this.” Troy pulled his tank top off over his head and laid down on the examination table. He beckoned her to come closer. Octavia’s eyes went wide at the implication. Was this how he wanted her to thank him? He pointed to a cut on the side of his abdomen. “Don’t tell anybody I got tagged by a tink. Little shit came out of nowhere.”

Oh, right… What was wrong with her? She had to get a grip. Embarrassed from misinterpreting things, she wordlessly began cleaning his injury. She hadn’t felt this vulnerable in a long time. She hated needing help, but she hated her deformed body even more. That was a part of herself that she didn’t share with anyone. It was meant to stay hidden, locked away in the past where no one could reach it.

"So you wanna talk about it?" Troy asked. Octavia was becoming concerned with how well he was able to read her.

"Not really."

He slowly nodded, but didn’t look away from her. Her defenses were cracking under his steady gaze. She didn’t like how transparent he made her feel.

“Do you?” she asked, motioning towards his mechanical arm. It came out a little more aggressive than she meant it to.

Troy was still looking at her, but now as if he was trying to come to some sort of decision. The corner of his mouth twitched. “Touché, smart ass,” he teased.

Octavia was relieved he let that slide. She didn’t have the energy to deal with any more stress. Getting shot during a raid was enough for one day. She absentmindedly stitched up the wound, barely noticing the Calypso watching her as she worked.

“Good as new,” Octavia said, taping a gauze pad over the stitches.

Troy swung his long legs over the side of the examination table and stood. “Finally. I was getting bored. You really need some magazines or something in here,” he said, making his way across the room. You’re welcome, Octavia thought bitterly.

Her annoyance faded when she noticed the Calypso begin to stagger. All the color drained from his face, and his eyes glazed over. “Hey, are you okay?” she asked. Before he reached the door, Troy stumbled backwards into the counter with a loud crash. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he slumped to the floor unconscious.

~~~

Troy gradually regained awareness. He was still in the medical room, lying on an examination table. His skull felt like it would split in two. Involuntarily, he let out a groan.

“You’re awake.” Octavia’s voice came from somewhere behind him. She rushed to his side carrying a tray of herbs and stone tools.

“What… what happened?” Troy asked. He blinked at the lights overhead.

“I was about to ask you the same thing. You passed out,” she said.

Shit. He knew he was getting weaker. He checked the siren marks on his left arm, flexing and rotating his hand. Their usual glow had dimmed to the point where the marks looked like normal tattoos.

“Looks like the energy withdrawals are starting to hit pretty hard. Does anyone else know?”

“No, you’ve only been out for a few minutes. Take this.” Octavia said. She handed him a cup of thick, murky brown liquid that smelled like compost.

“What is it?”

“Chocolate milk. Just drink it.”

Troy turned his nose up at it before gulping it down. It was cold and viscous like slime that quite literally slid down his throat. It tasted like an entire spice rack stewed in swamp sludge. “Gah! C’mon, witch doctor. Why does everything you give me taste like you scooped it out of a toilet?”

After weeks of being teased and belittled for her profession, something in Octavia finally snapped. She coldly replied, “Well, excuse me, your highness. It’s medicine. It isn’t supposed to taste good. I’m an herbalist, not a witch doctor, and not one of your gourmet chefs.” She snatched the cup from Troy’s hands. “You could try showing a little fucking gratitude.” She stormed to the other side of the room slamming her tray on the counter.

A pang of guilt twinged in his gut. The silence lasted uncomfortably long. She had just given him medicine after he collapsed on her floor in a severely vulnerable state. He winced as he swallowed his pride.

“You’re right. Thank you, Vi.”

Octavia turned her head to look at Troy over her shoulder. Her face was flushed a light shade of pink, either still angry from his previous comment or flustered from this uncharacteristic response.

Troy continued, “Guess I owe you one. Thanks to you, Pandora is graced with my fine ass another day.”

“Pff, please. You don’t have an ass,” Octavia said as she eyed him up and down.

“Oh, really? Wanna see for yourself?” He rolled onto his side, put a thumb beneath his waistband, and tugged downward. Octavia yelped and squeezed her eyes closed.

“Don’t you dare!” she shouted.

Troy broke into a fit of laughter. Octavia tried to keep the stern look on her face by tightly pursing her lips together, but she failed and eventually cracked a smile. For the first time, the tension between them lifted. Troy realized that he liked seeing her smile.

The pleasantness of the moment didn’t last long as Troy was struck with another wave of vertigo. He leaned back onto the exam table. “Got any magic toilet water to keep me from keeling over again?”

“I’m not sure. We should talk to Professor Tannis. If there's anyone who knows about siren energy, it's her-”

Her voice faded as Troy’s head reeled again. He pressed his human palm to his temple to keep the room from spinning. He imagined how his followers would react to seeing their omnipotent leader faint. Did he even have followers anymore? Some god he was.

This was the worst his withdrawals have ever been. All his life, Tyreen was right by his side to feed him energy when he needed it, even if she did call him a parasite for asking. That bitch knew he couldn’t survive without her. Banishing him was equivalent to letting him starve to death.

Troy was pulled from his thoughts feeling fingertips graze across his forehead, brushing the hair from his face.

“Did you hit your head? Does it hurt?” Octavia asked. Her delicate fingers were soft and cool on his skin. Her large emerald eyes scanned his face for signs of injury. A few strands of chestnut colored hair fell from her ponytail and framed her heart-shaped face.

A spicy floral scent emitted from her as she leaned over him. Her face was close enough to his that with a simple raise of his chin, he would find out if she tasted as sweet as she smelled.

He caught himself and pushed the traitorous thoughts from his mind. He looked away and swatted her hands off him. “No, it’s fine. Just a little lightheaded.”

Don’t, he scolded himself. She treated all her patients like this, right? She only cared about the health of the God King. Everyone always cared for the God King. Not long ago, he would have crushed every bone in her hand for having the audacity to touch him. No one ever gave a shit before. This was no different.

Troy slipped back into his persona and flashed a cocky grin.

“Besides, look who you’re talking to. Just for the sake of my quality of life though, we should go ahead and get a hold of, uh… crazy scientist lady.”

“Her name is Tannis.”

“That’s the one.”

~~~

Sanctuary. What a spectacular name for such a shithole. Only a handful of people roamed the halls, and Troy swore he saw a claptrap unit chasing a ratch around. He wasn’t sure what he expected Sanctuary to be, but it sure wasn’t this.

Time dragged on while Tannis got situated in the lab. It was entertaining watching her scurry around at first, trying to make sense of the unusual songs she sang to herself. Now Troy was bored, and no one else in the room attempted to make conversation. Curiosity finally got the better of him. “So, Martha.”

“It’s Maya,” the sapphire siren chided.

“Right. I’ve never met another siren other than my sister. What are your powers like?”

The corners of Maya’s mouth turned up into a grin. Surprisingly, she chose to indulge him. “I’m able to phaselock targets and suspend them in another dimension.”

“Whoa, that sounds rad.” He stood back and held his arms out. “Here, do me.”

“I am not going to phaselock you.”

He dropped his arms and pouted. “Aw, come on!”

Tannis lightly whacked him on the arm with her clipboard. “As tempting as it is to start a siren fight club, I’m afraid there are more pressing matters at hand. If you could stand still for a moment-” Tannis poked and prodded at him, occasionally saying things like, “fascinating.” Troy was hyper aware of how close she was to his right side, turning to keep her to his left as much as possible. He jumped when he felt a pinch on his ass. “Interesting,” Tannis said.

Maya helped get things back on track. “Alright. So far we know that Troy can’t absorb the life force from living things like Tyreen can, and she could somehow channel energy to him through touch. Is there anything else we have to work with?”

Troy wished there was. “Other than that, it’s all I’ve got. That’s just one part to my curse. Aside from being a defective siren, I’ve also been cursed with irresistible good looks.”

“Tch. You wish.” A dark blue haired kid scoffed from the back of the lab. She leaned against the wall with her arms crossed. Troy hadn’t noticed her until now.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” he asked, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his tone.

“I’m going to be a siren. An actual siren, not whatever you are. I’d put an end to assholes like you. I don’t know why we’re trying to keep you alive, honestly.”

Maya interrupted, “You’ll have to excuse my apprentice. Ava, stop threatening people with powers you don’t have yet. I said you could watch as long you didn’t cause trouble.”

Ava’s tough girl act dropped. “I know. I’ll behave, promise. Please don’t kick me out.”

What a punk. “Okay, kid. You let me know if that siren thing ever works out for ya.” Troy clicked his tongue and winked at her. She shook with impotent rage, fists clenched at her sides like a child about to throw a tantrum.

Tannis was about to explode in anticipation, eager to start her experiments. “Well, cursed or otherwise, I find your physical attractiveness confusingly repulsive. That being said, I feel you have an important part to play in the coming days. So I’ve prepared several only mildly painful experiments. Now, where to start?”

Tannis was completely in her element, recording Echo logs and bouncing around Troy while he soaked in all the attention. His bask in the spotlight was short lived.

The tests began with the obvious catalyst for siren power, eridium. After trying different delivery methods, Troy got impatient and stupidly licked a chunk of raw eridium. Other than burning his tongue, it had no effect. Next, they attempted to transfer siren energy indirectly. Maya charged an Eridian artifact as a sort of battery for Troy to draw from. Again, no results.

After hours of trial and error, one failure after another, they’d concluded every test.

“I think we have to call it quits,” Maya admitted. She looked tired, wiping the sweat from her brow. “You gave it your best shot, Tannis.”

“How curious. It would seem Troy is a siren in tattoos only,” Tannis said, looking defeated.

Troy was exhausted. “This blows,” he said, sprawled out across the examination table, panting slightly from the exertion. “Don’t mind me, ladies. It’s not like my life depends on it or anything.” Troy caught Ava wearing a shit-eating grin and stuck his tongue out at her.

“I think we may be on the right track,” Tannis circled around the examination table, talking more to herself than to anyone else in the room. “Perhaps Troy’s cybernetics could be modified to include Eridian artifacts into the bio-integration components.”

Troy closed his eyes, grateful for a moment to rest. He had hoped Tannis would at least find a temporary solution to his dependency on Tyreen. He was running off of fumes. It was only a matter of time until his tank ran completely dry.

While he was busy worrying about his own mortality, Troy didn’t notice Tannis absentmindedly extending her hand until she touched his shoulder brace. He jolted from his lamenting. In an instinctual panic, he caught her bare wrist in his human hand.

A familiar flood of power surged through him. He threw his head back, caught in the sudden sensation. Red tendrils entwined his arm with Tannis’s, filling him with the strength his starving body so desperately craved. His siren marks blazed back to life in a brilliant flash of crimson.

Then, he was unable to move, frozen in place. Maya had activated her powers and suspended him in midair. So this was what being phaselocked felt like. His insides burned like the sting of frostbite. His breath caught in his throat, lungs refusing to function. Maya lifted him into the air and tossed him across the room away from Tannis. He yelled as he was sent careening into a counter full of lab equipment.

Maya helped Tannis up from the floor. A distinct blue glow peaked out from beneath one sleeve of her lab coat.

“I thought you could only take from Tyreen!” Maya said, her face drained of color.

Troy held up his left arm observing the intense light of his marks. “I guess it’s any siren.”

Ava pointed to the scientist’s glowing arm. “Tannis? You’re a…”

A siren.

[serenagaywaterford]

Cate fan here. Cate and Elise explained the focus on Sofie in The Guardian, and in the ABC article that asks "why is the cast so white" where they call Sofie as their "trojan horse". We fully trust Cate in handling this passion project, especially as she and Andrew, her husband, have experience with working on issues concerning refugees. This series also has the support of Rau's sister and the UNHCR. I believe they picked the best of all approaches given this project's long development period.

Good for you. “We fully trust”??? Wtf dude. Who’s “we”? Some Blanchett hivemind?Glad you PERSONALLY fully trust some actor you don’t even know (who names her son after a convicted paedophile, or just jokes about it. *shrug*). I don’t. Nor should I have to.

Why do I get messages like this every fucking time I post my own stupid opinions on this show?

Look, I am not a Cate Blanchett stan. And I especially don’t think everything any actor does is immediately blessed by God and can never, ever be criticized or have weaknesses. I literally said I am going to be patient and see how this show turns out. And me saying Sofie’s story is the least interesting is ONCE AGAIN not stating it is shit and should be erased! You people take everything so black and white. 

Here is a lesson for fans: not everything is an “all or nothing” situation. When I say Yvonne isn’t a great dancer, I am not saying she is fucking terrible and should never dance–which seems to be exactly what the lot of you heard last week based on the responses I got. I just said she isn’t the best ever at something that isn’t even her fucking job! FFS. I love Yvonne as an actress and think she’s absolutely fantastic, in Stateless and other shows. But that doesn’t mean I have to say she’s fucking fantastic at absolutely everything ever or else I lose my “cool fan” points. I don’t give a flying fuck what other people think about how much of a “true fan” I am.This week I say Sofie’s story is the least engaging and I get this random shit about how great Cate Blanchett is(?) and how Sofie is some “Trojan horse”. That doesn’t even make sense!!! Have any of you (them) actually read the Iliad? Being a Trojan horse isn’t a GOOD thing. Unless I guess you’re Achilles, lol. Generally speaking, it’s this: “Something that initially seems innocuous but is ultimately bad or malicious.” Maybe be more careful with words, lmao. I think maybe they meant “conduit”, or something similar. Unless they are actually insinuating that Sofie makes everything way worse for the detainees and is part of the problem. No, they mean she’s a trigger for recognition that something is very wrong in these places and she “brings down” the system–which is all idealistic, revisionist bullshit. Cos while Rau’s story made some big waves, it didn’t stop anything. Sure, SHE got out and so did the Palmer report, which changed some aspects of detention, esp for Australian citizens... And it unearthed like 200 other cases similarly brutal, like Vivian Solon. 

“In politics, the precise relationship between cause and effect is usually unclear. Some of the things that happened in the six months following the release of Cornelia Rau would certainly have happened anyway. Some, most likely, would not. What is clear, however, is that the case of Cornelia Rau shaped public opinion about the treatment of asylum seekers in a way no previous episode had. The Cornelia Rau affair taught the public that the lazy trust it had placed in government – not to inflict on innocents serious harm – was unwarranted. It was able to do this, as almost everyone immediately understood, because the person who had suffered false imprisonment and neglect was not a swarthy, dark-skinned, Islamic outsider. She was “one of us”. If, in February 2005, it had been discovered that a mentally ill Australian woman of Iranian descent had been wrongfully imprisoned, the transformative effect on public opinion would almost certainly have been immeasurably less.”

But activists and doctors are STILL fighting the Australian government over conditions and the mental health concerns of current detainees. Which is what I assume Blanchett and co. are trying to inspire reaction to? Which is a good thing and absolutely nobody is saying it’s not. I am not saying: “Sofie fucking sucks! This whole show is garbage and doesn’t have any compassion for the refugee crisis! Kill her off and just focus on everyone else!” I am saying, of all the stories, hers is the least interesting and the least relevant to the issue of detention camps at this moment (in the show, in history). Obviously. I don’t even understand why this opinion bothers people??? Like, it’s just objectively true that it’s the least relevant to the real crisis and plight of actual refugees jailed in these prisons for years on end. The Rau case happened 15 YEARS AGO. The problem right now is not what happened to her, it’s what’s continuing to happen in other centers--currently.And if you want to talk seriously about mental health issues of detainees in a fictional sense, using a character who IS ALREADY MENTALLY ILL to highlight how these refugees end up suffering serious, chronic, and sometimes fatal mental illnesses is not the best way to do it. Like, jfc, it’s just… okay, I will need 50 pages to explain why this is not the best approach if you really want to talk about mental health in detention centres. You can’t use a rich white girl who had a devastating pre-existing illness that caused her to BE THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE as your mascot for “Look, how terrible this place is! Everyone goes crazy!” She was already fucked up, she was already so, so, so vulnerable, and this made it a million times worse. The stories that are important are the healthy, perfectly capable refugees from war-torn countries that end up there for NO reason and gradually through constant imprisonment, abuse, neglect, isolation, lack of privacy, and stress DEVELOP illness, and it goes unnoticed and untreated until you have a prison full of broken people, especially children who are trying to kill themselves. And a lot of this is due to the guards and government employees who are actively awful, or merely wilfully blind.

So, excuse me, for stating that SOFIE isn’t the most important character to focus on, or the most interesting. All Sofie’s story does is highlight how oblivious the guards/officials/etc is to the mental welfare of their prisoners, and the inherent problems with the system. Which, yes, is important to a degree but if you can’t get people to care about refugees without insisting the story revolve around a white person… I just… I dunno what to tell you.

Oh, wait, am I stepping on the precious toes of Cate and Yvonne stans? Whatever. Boo hoo. I don’t care. If you’re gonna make a show about such serious issues (including the portrayal of mental illness based on someone’s ACTUAL LIFE!!!), be prepared for people to get critical about the lack of nuance and sensitivity, and the use of TV tropes. And how fucking WHITE-FOCUSED it is. Because, guess what–if it wasn’t and if Cate/Yvonne/Jai/Asher wasn’t in it���you all wouldn’t even be watching this. How about we all just admit that? It has so much attention not because of the story or the issues (that I assume Blanchett wanted to address), but because of the cast and the focus on the white people.

I do not care how much a massively privileged, white, Hollywood star has worked with refugees. That doesn’t absolve them from having bias, making poor decisions, or falling prey to tropes in their film-making. They are HUMAN BEINGS, an especially human beings that live in a very strange otherword of celebrity, constant validation, narcissism, and money. So much money. They can seem like the most grounded people ever but they are not. Anybody who’s spent even 10 minutes in Hollywood knows this. It’s a thick BUBBLE completely detached from the real world we all live in. So, quit acting like these ACTORS are suddenly experts on foreign policy, immigration, governmental processes, politics, law, sociology, economics, mental health, and whatever else. Especially not bigger experts than critics who have spent their whole lives involved in these issues. (I’m not talking about me. I’m a biologist lol.) She is producing a FICTIONAL TV SHOW to raise… awareness? I guess? To me, as of right now, it’s just using “Sofie’s” real story and vaguely touching on some of the issues. And without all that much depth either. Yet.And pardon me if I don’t really care for Rau’s SISTER’S support of the show. It’s not her sister’s story to tell. Sorry. This is about Cornelia herself. (Yes, I have read Rau’s article.) And OF COURSE the UNHCR is supportive. They are supportive of anything that helps raise awareness in a positive way. And, PLEASE NOTE: I once again never said this was a shit show that needs to be cancelled cos it sucks so bad. It does serve a purpose but I have issues with the NARRATIVE STYLE AND DECISIONS they’re making in order to do that. It has nothing to do with the actual issues.Yet. Like, I’ve said a million times and nobody seems to hear, YET. It’s only 2 episodes in and it has plenty of time to get really into the deep issues. They’ve only just brushed over them right now, so I’m happily waiting for the big pay off.

But let’s not all act like this is the first ever attempt to bring awareness of this humanitarian crisis to mainstream Australians and Blanchett is some sort of national refugee activist hero. Like I’ve said before Safe Harbour (in terms of (sometimes soapy) fiction) and Chasing Asylum (in terms of documentary) and even Go Back To Where You Came From (lol reality tv) have all attempted this, and with some stellar results. Go watch any of those and tell me what Stateless is doing that is so amazingly unique and affective. Stateless is just bringing big Hollywood names to the issue, and trying to bring awareness. AND, amazingly, guess what! It doesn’t even have to be a GOOD show to do that. It can be mediocre and still reach the people Blanchett & Co. clearly want to reach and get people thinking. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And me criticising little bits of the programme (like Yvonne’s dancing/accent/choice to have her speaking English all the time, or the lack of focus on actual refugee stories, ffs) is not me saying the whole thing is boring, useless garbage and a waste of time. So, y’all need to hop off my dick for two seconds and not just assume that me talking about my opinion of its small weaknesses is saying I hope your faves choke. Gimme a break. And just in case you all are still pissed off about my complaints that Sofie’s story isn’t the most important focus ever, I’ll just dump a few links here:

‘Begging to die’: succession of critically ill children moved off Nauru

Australia: Reverse Cruel Refugee Policy

'Australia is a bigger cage’: the ongoing trauma of Nauru’s child refugees

How Australia turned its back on the world’s refugee crisis

Mental health crisis in Australia’s refugee camps

The mental health of asylum seekers in Australia and the role of psychiatrists

Christmas Island detention centre’s conditions stoke tension, detainee says

Australia blocks asylum seekers held offshore from seeking medical care in the country

Nauru: MSF report shows disastrous mental health impact of Australian refugee policy

‘Someone needs to say, enough’: Mental health on Manus Island

Nauru asylum seekers’ mental health as bad as torture victims, doctors say

Nauru detention centre: Abuse and trauma reports leaked

Australia’s man-made crisis on Nauru: Breaking Women

The Nauru files: cache of 2,000 leaked reports reveal scale of abuse of children in Australian offshore detention

Australia: Appalling Abuse, Neglect of Refugees on Nauru

Australia to reopen Christmas Island detention center after defeat on refugee policy

UN body says Australia breached human rights laws and needs to review Migration Act

And yes, most of these are offshore centres (some of which have effectively closed now), but it’s not even counting the ones actually in Australia itself, many of which are still operational: List of Australian immigration detention facilities

And yeah… The unknown story of Cornelia Rau. Just as a reality check of what Sofie’s story is meant to be. It’s absolutely horrifying, devastating and incredibly sad, and not something to be glamourised or sensationalised for woke points. 

So, sorry (NOT SORRY) for saying Rau/Sofie’s story isn’t the most important part of this whole MASSIVELY COMPLEX thing, nor is it even close to the most interesting aspect of the crisis. I do get why they chose her story as a vehicle to unlock the issue for all the other white, middleclass Aussies (and others) watching but I still don’t think it’s the most interesting aspect of the SHOW. That’s all. I’m not saying it’s pointless to tell “Sofie’s” story, or that I don’t like it, or it’s entirely irrelevant. Just it’s not the most important thing to me.

I can’t believe I have to say this again but just so we are all on the same page:

I HAVE NO BIG PROBLEM WITH “STATELESS”. I DON’T HATE IT. IT IS A GOOD, WELL-ACTED, WELL-PRODUCED, ENGAGING, DECENT SHOW THAT IS ATTEMPTING TO TAKE ON A HUGE, COMPLEX ISSUE IN A VERY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME. I THINK IT’S ADMIRABLE THAT EVEN MORE ATTENTION IS TRYING TO BE BROUGHT TO THE ISSUE AND GOOD FOR BLANCHETT FOR PUSHING FOR IT. I JUST WANT MORE FOCUS ON THE RELEVANT ISSUES TO THIS TIME PERIOD.

What’s the point in raising awareness and putting heavy focus on something awful that happened 15 years ago and has been resolved (more or less, cos nothing is ever totally resolved in politics)? Let’s focus on the terrible shit that hasn’t been resolved yet. Acting like Sofie’s story would happen today is just so far from reality when you are aware of all the changes made and results of the Rau situation. Any criticisms I have of the show or its actors do not mean I hate the show and think it’s stupid and pointless. Just, if it was my show, I’d do it slightly differently. THAT’S ALL. But it’s not my show and I could never produce TV so don’t get all your knickers’ in a twist over my personal opinions about trivial shit. No need to come into my inbox on a weekly basis and try to school me about Yvonne, Cate, etc. I can have opinions on actors/TV shows, even if you think they’re stupid. If you think my opinions are wildly misinformed on politics/storytelling/etc, that's fair. Maybe they are. Tumblr is certainly not the best platform for me to lay out all my thoughts in a coherent way. But so far I don’t have anybody coming at me about the actual issues, just getting butthurt that I’m not kissing your fave’s ass. (Keep in mind, Yvonne is one of my fav actresses too. I’m just not insanely obsessed with her.)

God. I am turning off anon cos every week now I say anything even remotely, mildly critical of some minor aspect of Stateless I get bombarded with this kind of condescending shit from rabid stans of the actors. If you can’t put your name to it, I’m not interested in your thoughts anymore. Sorry. I’m tired. And my inbox is tired lol.

[maikatc]

Black Sun Tale | Crimson Capture

Things are calm before a quiet storm, let’s just say that. 

Remember this is only a first draft and has minimal edits, but enjoy! Comments and reception is always appreciated!

-

“Are you actually going to talk with them anytime soon?” 

Oliver’s cold skin snuggled up against blankets; he read a book off of his shelf. “I’m trying to do homework, excuse me.” He frowned. 

“It’s been a week, Oliver. They probably think that you already rejected them.”

He turned a page. “It’s not that I rejected them… I already looked through the situation but I still don’t know.” 

Vittorino raised a brow. “And what did you get from looking through?” 

Oliver ignored the question first, skimming through the dull read he grabbed. Though his thoughts blocked the pages the more he went on. 

He sighed and closed the book. “I didn’t really get that much out of the interaction. But out of anything I can tell that Annette isn’t actually that involved with the group since she’s with busy with having an actual life. That and the two’s relationship is probably complicated since Annette doesn’t really try to get Ayu out of bad habits and they argue at little stuff like crazy; But at the same time, Ayu may have simply cared enough about not messing with Annette’s work after he screwed it up before, and didn’t want to bother her with something that’s technically unnecessary for him. Regardless of anything though, they’re completely inefficient as a team because their able-ness is terrible and Ayu’s right about not getting hopes up.” Oliver rambled words out in the matter of seconds, zoning out into his thoughts in the process. He took a breath at the end. “I can tell they have good intentions, but yeah they’re pretty much useless.” 

Vittorino crossed his arms together with a grin, muttering, “You can definitely talk like em…” He emerged next to him. “You’re smarter for your age, I must say.” 

“I just have good memory.” Oliver opened up his book again. “Doctors say I have a larger hippocampus than most. But I’ve been lacking in recent years compared to when I was little.” 

“Yeah, yeah, makes sense,” Vittorino nods, “but either way, your friends will be- interesting to you at the very least. Trust me.” 

Oliver scoffed, “I already know they’d be entertaining. It’s just that they’ll probably end up like all the rest. I already told you.” 

“Okay then. Let me tell you in a different way then,” he groaned. “They’re not gonna be like the rest.” 

A buzz rang from the corner of the room. Both Oliver and Vittorino turned towards the sound, Oliver quicker than the other. Oliver stumbled out of bed to check his phone. All there was another message from Annette, the third one of the week. 

Yo Oliver, Ayu and I are hanging out in the alley again if you wanna join us (12:13pm)

“God, damn it,” the boy said under his breath. His fingers tattled at words, typing up that he was busy making new chord melodies.  If it weren’t for someone interrupting him, he would’ve sent. 

“Go with them for once,” Vittorino told him, “You’ll have better days that way.” 

“… Will you stop talking if I do?”

“Obviously.”

Oliver’s face went flat. “You’re decent.” He edited the message:

I actually can today, but I was about to work on making some chord melodies so I’ll just bring my ukulele with. (12:15pm)

***

Oliver carried his worn-up uke strap over his shoulders. The day blistered in heat unlike the chills of before, though it didn’t stop him from wearing a thin coat. 

The walk to Ayu’s still made his eyes go blurry from the distance. His legs gave in as always from another long week as they screeched in pain. He mumbled to himself with a deep breath, “Just don’t pass out in front of them.” 

He clenched onto his ukulele strap as he stood back up from his slouch. The turn was straight ahead of him, and his predictions for what he would see was something he still couldn’t guess yet. “They won’t be that bad,” he figured. 

“YOU MOTHER OF FUCK- HOW DID YOU DO THAT?” Oliver could still hear the same raspy voice from before in the distance. 

“Hopefully,” he cringed. 

Oliver walked into the alley, reluctantly knocking the wall for entrance. Annette and Ayu sat in front of one another, cards in their hands and scattered on the floor. Annette turned her head while Ayu looked over his own cards. “Oliver! Hi,” She stumbled up to greet him. “You came sooner than I thought. We’ve been playing Ono for a bit but you can join in if you want.”

“Ono…?” Oliver peeked across, sighting at the colorful cards closely. His eyes squinted at Ayu’s array of cards in his hands. He also peeked down towards Annette’s cards quickly to see her deck of five. He can literally just pull a yellow two. A grin curled up on his lips. “So, this is what a ‘gang’ does, huh?”

Annette’s eyes leaned toward the side, “Well, we usually goof around when there aren’t any attacks. It’d be too hard to track down when there’s only two people scouting. Right, Ayu?”

They both looked back to Ayu, and both found him fumbling to switch cards form the collector’s deck. Ayu blinked at them as he peeped his eyes in return, then groaned, placing the previous cards he had back to his hands. 

“Goodness…” Annette sighed. “We sometimes play board games and figured today should be a game-day since you were coming over.”

“This was only Annette’s idea,” Ayu reminded. 

She chuckled, “You’re even more competitive than me. Be quiet.”

Annette continued to ramble on to Oliver as he spaced out in the middle. He only interrupted her after a minute by saying, “Okay yeah, I’ll play. Get me some cards.”

Oliver beat them both by a landslide, Annette left with nine cards, Ayu left with thirteen. 

“Oliver, how the heck did you do that?” Annette read over all the cards. 

“Don’t worry about that,” he smiled, “You’ll learn how to use the right strategies at some point.”

“This is Ono! There are no strategies.” Ayu threw his cards over his head as he slumped to the ground.

“You out of anybody won’t figure it out.” He wasn’t even sneaky about cheating. 

“Try me.” Ayu sat up with a smirk. 

“Ayu, you don’t even know how to strategize on anything,” Annette laughed. Oliver played around with his case’s zipper until she asked him, “So you play ukulele, right.”

Oliver reluctantly nodded.

“I know some friends who have ones, but I barely see any guys with ‘em.” She waddled over to Oliver and his uke, arms swaying towards the case. 

“Uh, yeah,” Oliver nodded, his smile curving, “No guy in my class can actually sing or do that stuff, so my class thinks it’s cool…  but I was thinking of starting up guitar or piano though since it’s more practical-” 

“So, you don’t just do tabs?”

“Uh, yeah.”

In the corner of his eye, Oliver caught Ayu scurrying off to a sketchbook and pencil. 

“Can you sing a song for us? I wanna see how good a ten-year old is,” she giggled. 

I’m tired though. “Sure.” 

Oliver opened up the case, showcasing a small instrument. The paintjob was chipped off. The vibrant pattern that original shined was worn and blurred. Oliver picked it up, plucking and tuning with the scratched-up nylon. Tuning only took the matter of ten seconds. 

Just a breath was fine for the young boy. His decision on the song gave him the memories of interrupted practices. Though with the plucked introduction, he began his song. 

“Oh, my Red Maria. How long has back then been?” 

A classic ballad. Oliver observed as Annette rang up with her ears with excitement in her face. Ayu tilted his head, in curiosity, his attention off the book. 

“My life’s been dull without your blushing face.”

The chords and tabs slid through Oliver’s fingers like writing his own name. His eyes captured their expressions. While Annette’s face blurred in with every other he’s seen, Ayu had a calmed smile, everything else was unreadable. 

“When we meet again, we can reach the stars as always…” He stumbled at a stop. Man, I forgot to figure out the short-stop. “The rest is just repeating so that’s about it.” 

“That…” Annette stammered, “That was actually more than I expected.” 

Oliver shrugged, leaning on his ukulele. “It isn’t that hard of a song.” 

“I can’t play anything for crap,” she grinned, “Why are you just ten?” 

“He’s turning eleven this week though,” Ayu corrected. 

“Barely a difference!” 

Ayu stuck his tongue out towards her. He gestured to Oliver. “I liked it.” 

“Ah, thanks.” The responses were mindless and repetitive. “I usually don’t have people to listen so this is a nice-”

A ringtone began buzzing, stopping all the other noises crowding the alley. 

Annette raised a finger, “Hold on a second.” She picked up her own phone from a small bag, raising it to her phone to answer the call. “Yo Jaiden, what’s up?... Oh lort- I forgot about that!” 

“What do you think this is about?” Ayu moved over next to Oliver’s floor-seat. 

“What do you mean?” 

“She forgets extra stuff a lot, so it’s nice to pass time guessing what it is,” Ayu explained. 

Oliver chuckled, “You really don’t have a lot to do, don’t you?”

“I’m betting a group project.”

The boy’s scent still wrinkled in Oliver’s nose. “Maybe it’s just…? I can’t think of one.” 

“Well, she’s pretty predictable so I don’t think there’s that much to bet about anyways.” He pulled on his hoodie’s lace.

“Right…”

She combed her hair with his fingers. “I told you to remind me!... Okay fine, yeah this is a me problem,” she sighed, “I’ll get them today then we can work afterschool tomorrow, okay?... Okay, see ya.” 

She groaned in her hands, but whisked back to Oliver and Ayu from behind. “Okay so I screwed up a bit,” she exclaimed, “and I have to go to the mall to get stuff for a project due on Friday.” 

“That you forgot about?” Ayu eyed. 

“Yeah, yeah, silence yourself,” she hassled. “Um… I don’t want to go since you’re here,” she darts Oliver. 

“We can always come along,” Ayu said. 

“Oh,” Annette hands opened up. “That’s actually a good idea. Oliver, do you wanna come with us?” 

Do I really want to…? 

“Do it,” Vittorino’s voice rang in Oliver’s head. 

Damn it. “Sure.”

***

Shop lights blinded all around. Every store passed with its rows of sales and mannequins. Oliver walked along the outdoor mall, the sunny day in the Fall blazing onto his dimmed skin. The music echoed with aggravating speakers and pop ballads, and the sounds of voices rang through Oliver’s ears by the heavier crowd. 

I can get through this for a bit. She won’t be long, he told himself. He clenched his fists as volumes went at screeches. 

Annette hummed as she led both Ayu and Oliver, her walk swaying along with the music. All the while, Ayu’s hood covered over his head as he walked with his head down. Though looking down wasn’t that strange for Oliver, he’d done the same alone. 

“It’s burning out here. How’re you in that hoodie?” He asked. 

Ayu tilted his head towards Oliver. “I’m usually cold. Today’s not that bad but it’s still kinda cold.” He shrugged. “Besides, I can always bump into somebody and they can see my eye easier and I won’t get as bad of a sunburn.” 

“Sunburn…?”

“My skin’s pale enough to get burned easily,” he raised and showed his boney hand, “not albino or anything but just sensitive.” 

“I see.” Oliver’s brows furrowed. Damn… 

“Okay!” Annette jumped. “You guys can do whatever you want. I gotta deal with the supply stuff.”

She grabbed her phone. “Oliver, I’ll call you when I’m done, alright?”

“Yeah,” Oliver nodded. 

“Alright, then see ya!” She waved off before dashing away. Muttering of items got caught in Oliver’s ears as she ran. 

“So…” Ayu kicked his leg, “You wanna do anything?” 

Oliver stammered. Where would this guy even wanna go here? He shrugged. “Just somewhere quiet is fine, what about you?”

“Quiet,” he pondered, “I guess that could work… Here, let’s go.” 

Ayu pulled on Oliver’s sleeve, dragging him to a map of the area. He asked, “Do you know where the bookstore is on here?” 

“Ah,” Oliver’s attention zapped back, “It’s right there I think.” He pointed at the very corner of the mall. 

“What’s it called?” 

“Ferns and Hamlin’s?” It’s right there on the sign… 

“Oh yeah,” Ayu gasped. “When was the last time I was even there?”

He gave a small grin, walking off from Oliver to a turn. “Come on,” he nodded off. 

“Come on, kid,” Vittorino echoed. 

Oliver followed. 

***

“Even with clairvoyance, you’re terrible with directions,” Oliver groaned.

Ayu scoffed. “I can’t use it for anything other than monsters,” he looked away, “and that sucks too.” 

Oliver brushed off Fall dust. “Regardless of whatever you have, that took us longer than needed.” 

“Shouldn’t you know this place?”

“No,” Oliver answered, “I never go here. I go to Fair Woods and even that’s rare.” 

“… How much do you go out?” 

“Less than normal,” Oliver quickly replied. 

“Sounds about right.” Ayu eyed Oliver’s hands. “You look pale even with your tan. Paler than before I think too.”

Well that’s for other reasons… 

The two entered the shop together. Oliver immediately silenced from the soft music. The change of atmosphere contented him considering before. The aisles stacked with books barely held anybody else around as the cashiers only stood in patience. 

“They’d have comics here, right?” 

Oliver hiccupped once Ayu queried him. He only nodded off while reading over the signs. “Probably.”

Ayu stepped pass. “I think I can find it on my own,” he muttered, leaving Oliver at the front. 

Oliver stared at space as the boy walked off, debating on what exactly to do. 

“How’s it going so far,” Vittorino asked. His stature standing right next to Oliver right after Ayu’s leave. 

Oliver’s face scrunched up. “They’re… fine, just like before. But that was the first time anyone’s ever mentioned me being paler than usual.” 

“They’re people who can see a lot more than others can, remember?”

“I didn’t think that that’d matter in my case,” Oliver exclaimed. His legs began pacing through to the novel aisle. All that the aisle covered were teen-pandering novels involving the Wonder Chronicles and other stories that made it to film. As Oliver grabbed a book left in the corner, he turned around to find Vittorino already gone. He shrugged. Grabbing a book with a familiar title. “Heard this was good…” 

Reading the sections, Oliver strolled to the comic area of the shop. The brightness of colors beaming from the graphic novels. In the corner, Ayu sat curled up with his knees, starting up a comic book from the very first page. 

Oliver sat next to him, crisscrossed with a steady back. “Whatcha’ reading,” he asked. 

Ayu perked up, his ear twitching. “Huh? Oh,” he closed up his book and pushed the cover straight at Oliver’s face, “It’s a Crimson Capture comic. I remember loving their old cartoon when I was younger so I’m giving it a shot.” 

Crimson was unmistakable for Oliver. With their dashing velvet cloak and drawn-out, dark hair, they’d dash through cities to fight crime with only the power of their wits. All that could be known of their identity was hidden by their signature masquerade mask to run through the night.

While Oliver found the idea interesting, he could never take the vigilante seriously to most of his classmates’ dismay. So, all he replied with was a, “Cool.”

They both read with soft pop playing in the background. Minute by minute Oliver passed through pages. Though throughout the read, all Oliver could think of was, cliché. 

It’d already turn to a good half-hour once Oliver slammed his book shut. “Lazy writing,” he muttered to himself. 

He settled the book to the side, taking a breath as he grew self-aware in the atmosphere again. He shifted his attention back to the boy next to him.

Glancing for a second, Oliver could tell Ayu had only finished a decent quarter of the comic. His eyes held focus on the words as he continued to squint repeatedly. 

“How come it’s taking you so long to read?” Oliver asked without thinking. 

Ayu blinked, facing away from the book again. “Oh, it’s usually hard for me to read. Usually in stuff in small words.” 

Oliver paused, processing the words Ayu had said. “You haven’t been at school for a while, haven’t you?”

“Nope,” Ayu laid his book down, “Stopped at around eight. Even back then I was bad, but they didn’t care as long as I had fun.” He chuckled at his own words. 

Oliver hummed. “I was never like that.”

“Really?” Ayu’s voice grew deadpanned. 

“I skipped a grade when I was younger for how fast I was learning, so everyone expected me to do everything well and didn’t worry.” Oliver patted on his ukulele case. “After skipping though, I started falling behind because of- this one guy… Do you know anybody named Faustus?” 

Ayu blinked and scrunched up. “Who the hell names their kid Faucet?” 

Oliver studied his reaction only to find confusion written on his entire face. He sighed, but chuckled from the name confusion. “He… was a weird kid. Popped up out of nowhere and talked to me whenever he was bored.” He chuckled to himself, “He looked like a tween emo-head too so that didn’t help anything.” 

“Reminds me of stuff,” Ayu muttered. 

“I liked him, though. He was fun, in a strange way.” Oliver pulled his chin up towards the cabinets, searching for words of memories. “He was kinda judgmental back then when I talked with him. Not sure why, but it could’ve been from either him being surprised of how smart I was for my age… or streets-dumb. I can’t tell.” His mind basked at the thoughts he had as a kid. The interactions he had with the white-haired kid baffled him for how unknowing he was. 

Then sights of someone walking away and disappearing came before his eyes. Oliver nodded his head down again in expectance of what to come from the flashback. “He told me he had to leave right before I turned seven. Gave me something and went off. Haven’t seen him since.” 

Ayu asked, his tone reluctant, “What did he give you?”

Oliver paused, biting his lip gently so it wouldn’t bleed again. “I can’t remember. I threw it away a bit after I’m pretty sure.”

A ring came from Oliver’s pocket. He picked up his phone, Annette’s name flashing at the front for a call, and flipped it open. “Are you done?” 

“Yup. Luckily, it didn’t take that long so that’s good. I’m right by the food court so you guys can come up here.”

Fuck, we have to figure out how to get there. “Sounds good. See ya then.” He hung up, informing Ayu of what Annette told him. 

Ayu groaned in response. “Why the food court?”

“I dunno, she just said to be there.” 

Ayu wrapped himself around his arms and knees. “That’ll kill my stomach,” he muffled. 

Oliver rolled his eyes. 

They stored away their books together, not bothering to put them in the right place out of laziness, and exited the shop. As they walked, the crowd noise grew to Oliver’s ears once again. 

“Fuck…” Ayu muttered, tugging on his hood. 

“What?”

“I forgot about how loud this place is.”

Oliver tilted his head. “You’re bothered by it too?”

“More than traffic,” Ayu spat, “at least I got used to that one, kinda.”

Oliver smiled. “I have sensitive ears too. Sucks, doesn’t it?”

“Completely.”

Don’t worry about it. Mine’s probably worse than yours. 

“No, mine’s worse…” Ayu mumbled to himself. 

Oliver’s sights turned to the boy again. Did he just- 

A hand pushed Oliver by the chest. He flinched as similar motions of back then popped back into his mind. The boy whipped his head around to see who gave him the money in his hands again. And all he saw was a man in a trench coat. 

“What the hell, Vittorino,” Oliver spat. He ignored Ayu, who walked off without noticing a thing from what Oliver could decipher. Though as soon as he asked, Vittorino was already gone in a blink.  

Oliver stared down at the money, the intentions unclear. He then shoved it in his pants-pocket and dashed off to catch up with Ayu. 

The walk took shorter than the last, thanks to multiple bright signs directing towards the area.

As Oliver walked up steps to the court, he was immediately welcomed to the aroma. Though to his distaste, he passed it off. 

“Dear God, that smells amazing.” Ayu purred, a slip of drool falling so slightly on his chin. 

Well too bad for you, we don’t have any money- oh. A click formed in Oliver’s mind. He fumbled grabbing Vittorino’s money. “I have money if you want some food.”

“Seriously?” Ayu batted his head. His eyes shined despite one with dull grey. 

Oliver nodded, opening up his hands to show his change to the boy. “It’s enough for the two of us. I’m pretty sure Annette can get herself food too.” 

“Thank you,” he gasped. His smile was crooked but Oliver read it clearly. 

“It’s really nothing,” Oliver exclaimed. “Here, I’ll call Annette right now.” 

He dialed her number without looking at the phone and placed it against his ear. “You called?”

“Hey uh, Ayu actually wants some food here so I was thinking that we can eat together. I have money for him, don’t worry.”

Ayu shied away in the corner of Oliver’s eye. He fumbled with his hoodie’s aglet.

“That sounds great! I’ll get us a table and text you guys where. You get your food, he must be hungry.”

“Okay, I’ll talk with him about what he wants first off. See ya.” Oliver hung up to check up on Ayu again. 

“You really don’t have to do this, you know,” Ayu swallowed. “I don’t need to eat.”

“No, it’s alright,” Oliver said, “Just tell me what you want and I’ll get you it.” Besides, I have no clue what else to do with this cash.  

Ayu pouted but his stomach stopped him with a growl. He sighed and pointed, “Can we go to the Asian place over there?”

***

Ayu carried over his stacks of a meal while Oliver stared in a baffled state of mind. He himself carried only a small plate of food. 

How was there fifty-dollars in there? Holy shit. 

“My God, this smells delicious.” Ayu licked over his chapped lips. “Where did Annette say she was again?” 

“Right there,” Oliver pointed out. Annette stood tall against her surroundings with her bright face. She waved as soon as her face met with theirs. 

Oliver and company sat at a small table. Multiple families and friend groups surrounded them as they chatted about whatever. Steam and smoke from each and every store came seeking out throughout the entire area while toddlers cried for ice cream they wanted. 

“So how did shopping go for you?” Oliver played around with the pork dish he ordered, taking small bites every two or three minutes. 

“Not all that hard,” Annette answered, “Jaiden was yelling at me left and right about what to get though.” She chuckled while nom-ing a burger. 

Ayu never entered the conversation the two were having. Majority of the time his face was stuffed with sushi rolls and salmon grills. Oliver glanced over the note. 

Annette and Oliver continued conversing as Annette ate her meal. Though, as time went on, Oliver realized that there really was no use for him to get anything. He checked up on Ayu, who was almost done completely in the matter of minutes. His and Annette’s talking finished so he went and asked. 

“How were you able to finish that much fish?”

Ayu chewed as he spoke, “I just really like sushi. Seafood in general…” He gulped. “Fish.” 

“Enough to have that much?”

“I was in the mood. Plus, I feel like I’m starving so that’s for one thing.” He took his last bite, falling down on his seat as soon as he swallowed. “That was amazing. Thanks.” 

Oliver eyed down on his plate and shoved it towards Ayu. “You can have mine too. I’m not that hungry so-” Ayu snatched the plate and wolfed it all down immediately. Oliver froze in response, shaken by the speed. “Damn.” 

Annette laughed as she glanced off her phone. Though Ayu thanked Oliver again as he opened his first bottle of water. 

Oliver sat next to him in slight disbelief. The animalistic tendencies being both interesting to watch yet questionable all the same. However, all he could make up in his head was, It’s alright. Don’t discredit the guy. You do the same stuff sometimes too. Just- worse… 

All Oliver could read from him was a childish smile. 

***

Four o’clock in the afternoon and the street bustling was as high as ever. 

Oliver walked along silently, following the two ahead of him. He waited for anything to interrupt the dragging moments. An accident, Vittorino, him passing out, his expectations for something loomed throughout his mind. 

Ayu and Annette chatted in front of him. They talked about some sort of show or story, just something Oliver had no knowledge of. Though from what Oliver could read, all the passion seeped out of Ayu’s weak voice as he talked. However, the conversation stopped at a halt as Ayu himself fell to his knees. 

“Ayu,” Annette gasped out. She kneeled down supporting him. 

Ayu began to shake, placing a hand on his right eye. He stammered whispers until he was able to form words. “Ende Street. Down the road. They’re over there.” He pointed with a dragged-up hand, weak enough to fall at any second.

“That’s so close,” Annette said, “Is it fine for you to stay here?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Ayu breathed out, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” 

She nodded and stood up, throwing the shopping bag she held to Ayu. She gestured at Oliver. “Come with me,” and she ran off. 

Oliver stepped forward, but hesitated. He turned back to see Ayu again, down on his luck. The child clenched onto his ukulele strap unsure of whether to give it to him or not. Though in a rush, he dashed his way around still holding onto his instrument. He can look inside.

Catching up to Annette, he asked her, “Is he gonna be okay?”

“Don’t sweat it,” Annette assured him while running, “This happens all the time.”

As soon as her sentence ended, Oliver’s eyes stopped upon a gate entrance. Annette slowed her pace as well, signaling him with a hand and whispering, “Be quiet, it’ll be trickier for it to notice us.”

Oliver nodded. He took steps he himself could hear faintly. His case rustled against his back in inconvenience. From a distance, Oliver caught the sounds of deep grunts and breaths that grew louder as he drew closer to a clear view. 

Annette whispered to him again. “Once you see everything, don’t freak out. I’ll deal with the monster for you.” 

Oliver gulped. A realization crossed his mind. The scent that he picked up strongly in the area was of a familiar crimson liquid. 

Taking a turn to the door took Oliver’s breath away. Bodies filled the bloodied floor with punctures in their chest. Their skin was grey like so many before. Their faces held frozen in shock for the rest of their time. A sick hole formed in Oliver’s stomach as his throat lumped together. Not again.

At the corner of his feet was that of a little girl and her family. Her rosy cheeks draining from her as her blood trickled down from her body. Oliver’s own skin turn cold. He bit down against his lip. This is just-.

“There.” Annette nudged Oliver, breaking him out of his trance. Her head faced upwards, causing Oliver to follow on his own still shaking. Though, what stood above was as unearthly as himself. 

The creature was hunched, cradling its lean, sharp claws over its stick hands. Its skin was almost nonexistent, as a black mist surrounding formed its indescribable shape. Darkness was all you could sense from the monster. That, and the blood stained over its arms. 

Oliver stepped back as the monster tilted its head over to them. Its face drooped down to an uncanny horror. Mists of white and red formed the eyes and fangs. The eyes stared directly at the two as Oliver held his breath. 

“Stand back,” Annette commanded. Oliver stood frozen in his spot, gazing at his surroundings. 

Annette drafted her feet closer to the monster. Their distances meeting in a confrontation. A breath suppled her movement as she planted her legs apart in an assertive stance.

“Isn’t he going to attack us,” Oliver whispered. 

“Don’t worry.”

A hand drew from her side, locking itself into midair and fingers spread wide. “You need patience for aim,” she said softly.  Though, the soft voice turned into a loud radiance. “Hey, Jumbo!”

The monster turned around in slow agony at her. 

She yelled, “You wanna go back?” 

A squeal was heard from the monster, crying in tone. Its bloody hands and legs pounced in a scream. But before it could form a dent on her skin or a creep of her blood, a silent blast distorted the monster from Annette’s hand. Twists and turns misshaped the formless beast down to a single sphere in the air. The monster cried before the little sphere was left, and it tortured Oliver’s ears and mind. 

Once the screams stopped, Oliver pulled up his head again to view what was left. And the sphere was gone as soon as it appeared to him, as its remains flew away in black fragments.

Annette huffed, dropping her arm down. “That’s how… you kill a monster.” 

She then crouched down to sit, taking her hands to a prayer. She turned her head back to Oliver, who only began to process what had happened for the previous two minutes. She told him, “You can join if you want, but I’ll be quick.”

Oliver’s expression softened as he was reminded of the true results of what happened in the place. For him, it was dead silent. No traffic, no chatter could be heard. All that rang through the two of them was the silence of the innocent. 

He walked next to her and took a knee down to sit as well. And they prayed together for the lost lives.

***

“It’s a bummer we couldn’t get anybody today,” Annette sighed. “We were so close to it too.”

“I’m…” Oliver traced his words. “I’m sure the next time it’s close, it’ll be fine.”

Annette giggled. “Nah, this is normal for us. So, we kinda just go for effort.” She kicked a can out of her way, though it barely moved. She dawdled over her steps. “Ayu should be where we left him. He’s probably fine but now.” 

They took a turn to the street where Ayu was left. The city-noise returned to Oliver’s ears as time went on. It would’ve only taken them 5 minutes’ time to get back to the alleyway afterwards. 

“You know,” Annette started. Oliver turned to find her in a small smile. “You better get your powers soon. Speed like Ayu could be really helpful for the job!” 

Oliver huffed a response. “I’d figure.” He followed his own steps, thoughts rambling throughout his head. But he was cut short by a familiar black-haired boy standing in front of him 

“How’d it go,” Ayu asked. His hands were shoved into his pockets as he held a numb expression. 

“We weren’t able to get anyone again,” Annette answered behind Oliver. “But at least Oliver didn’t panic first thing.” 

“Oh yeah, how did it go for you?” Ayu shifted to Oliver. 

“It was… alright, I guess.”

Ayu raised a brow. “Weird. I thought you’d be more scared.” 

Oliver avoided eye contact. “Don’t worry about that. It’s fine.” 

Together, they all went back to the alleyway. Its messy composition remained unchanged. 

“So, this was a… decent meeting day.” Annette grabbed her things while talking. “Oliver, don’t get too worried about the entire monster thing. Or at least- don’t feel too bad about it.” 

“Like I said, it’s fine,” Oliver swatted out. It’s not the worst. He glanced the time on his phone. 

“Well, I’m about to leave myself as you can tell.” Annette waved with cards in her hands. “Are you gonna do fine for the rest of the day, Ayu?”

He shrugged. “It’s like any other day so yeah.” 

“Then just don’t die.” Annette jumped after grabbing up her shopping bag. She took a step out of the alley and waved to Oliver and Ayu. “See y’all whenever.” She walked off without a trace. 

“See ya,” Ayu replied. 

Oliver didn’t say a word. His throat itching at the memory of the area death. I’m gonna be thinking about that all day, aren’t I? 

“So, you’re going too?” Ayu sat down as he asked. 

“Oh,” Oliver cut his thoughts short. “Yeah. My mom’s probably gonna come back from work soon.”

“Ah, well, have fun with her then.” He grabbed his sketchbook into his hand, starting to write with the pencil inside. 

Oliver nodded. He dipped down his head in thought. “I may not be here for the next few days. So, see you eventually.” 

“See ya,” Ayu said without facing him. 

Oliver left. His small feet paced back home without any thoughts in his mind. 

The door clicked, Oliver’s head poking out as he entered. The living room had no change since the previous year. He took his steps towards the couch in which he tossed his ukulele to a small pillow. Immediately, he lunged his body down to the cushions afterwards. 

“God damn, this was a long day,” he groaned. 

His eyes would barely lay open. His mind slowly grew hazy as his entire body went heavy. 

“Not today,” he muttered. In a sigh, he pulled himself back together with the minimal energy he had. Stumping back, he opened his ukulele case and grabbed an item from an inner pocket. 

A voice rang in his ears, not of Vittorino, but of a vivid reminder. “Don’t be afraid of what will come.”

Did you expect me to follow that? 

He stumbled with his head down through the hallway. His stomach cried in pain. 

“Just wait,” he told himself. “Just wait…” 

He locked himself in the bathroom, facing himself against the sink mirror. The boy stared at his own deathly eyes. 

I’m not gonna make it again, aren’t I? 

-

Ten Dollars | Bread and Water | Red Eye | Next>>>

[saigebeaumont]

- ̗̀ * ( robert sheehan + cismale + he/him ) have you seen ( benjamin ‘benjy’ magwitch ) walking around campus ? they are a ( twenty-three ) year old, studying ( political science ). we hear they are in ( rho pi rho ), and can be ( magnetic & irresponsible ), maybe it’s because they are a ( leo ). they sort of remind us of ( shiny red apples, walking on ledges, kaleidoscopes ), maybe we can find out more ! ( james + 19 + est + they/she ) *  ̖́-  + theatre/track

hi hello as u may have seen my name is james and this is my baby, benjy. i dont know how long this is going to get so pls bare with me

tw; fire? 

gen. info

full name: benjamin ‘benjy’ henry magwitch / joshua hollowood but u will never catch him actually using his real name tbqh

nickname(s): think of a random name. any century, any gender, any amount of letters or lack thereof. that’s it that’s his nickname. previous aliases that he has claimed to be are - thaddeus, balthazar, dante, romulus, etc., etc.

b.o.d. - july 31st, age 23

label(s): the icarian, the blackhole, the insouciant, etc. etc.

height: tall

hometown: ???

sexuality: chaotically bisexual

bio. info

let’s try and make this short n sweet

so like. y’know when a faerie steals a human baby and replaces it with it’s own, weaker, inferior baby? benjy is the human baby in this case

except they weren’t faeries

dorothea and fawley were two...somewhat, in love, folks--who had really wanted to have a child of their own. when they did, finally, have their child--he was very sickly and small and neither of them wanted their child to be weak goddammit

so they did a switcharoo, like...switched at birth except i’ve never ever seen switched at birth, and ran off with this extremely rich family’s newborn baby instead!

dorothea and fawley were part of a circus, and thus, lil benjy was raised in a circus !! how cute.

needless to say he was raised in a very nontraditional setting, like, homeboy was homeschooled bc they were literally always travelling, around the country and once or twice out of country.

despite that, he never doubted that his circus family didn’t love him or anything like ?? yeah he never called his ‘parents’ mom or dad, but that’s bc it was like...everyone was his parent.

dorothea and fawley told benjy that his name will never define him, and he could be anyone or anything he wants to be.

this caused a tiny benjy to be CONSTANTLY changing his name. like, almost everyday he’d just declare a new name and everybody in the circus would call him that specific name. even when he did acts, he’d go by a different name every single time

this carried onto adulthood and benjy still doesn’t tell people his real name very often. sometimes they’re sort of normal names n other times they’re fucking bizarre.

when he was seven he declared his name was ‘sock’ for an entire month.

grew up doing a buncha odd lil jobs and roles in the circus, from being a lil handyman like fawley to being a magician’s assistant like dorothea. t’was a lil tiny animal tamer (before the circus stopped using animals in their acts because we don’t stan circuses like that no we do NOT) at some point but reeeaaally liked tightrope walking and things as such

also tried his hand at fire-throwing/etc. etc. but the like eighteen (minor!) burn scars across his body will tell u that it was not for him and he gave it up to pursue knife throwing tricks and juggling

wasn’t rly ever around ppl his own age, also never had a smartphone before he was like eighteen or so--he’s not old fashioned but he can definitely be behind on the times

also grew up listening to primarily older rock/folk music/whatever the fuck music his family created/his own music

that being said benjy is good w a guitar but bitch cannot sing. he sounds like a dying frog.

he also did a bunch of petty theft but that’s bc some of the other folk in the circus did it and he was like huh. looks like fun. bc benjy is thoroughly an idiot but more on that later. so he got some shit on his record but he got them sealed when he turned 18, like, asap

but. benjy is a dumbass. he committed ANOTHER petty crime, because the boy has addictive qualities, and he left some dna evidence bc boy’s got some mf hair

surprisingly, it wasn’t through his records that they found him via his dna  but, rather, his real parents who did a whole ass dna kit thing for fun one day

this came as a shock to everybody involved, honestly, though tbh ? benjy didn’t care that much that he had parents who weren’t the circus, but that’s bc of his entire upbringing.

either way his birth parents wanted to like. y’know. meet their delinquent biological son and when they did they were like ‘woah woah woah wtf ur in a circus’ and he was like haha yeah

n that was...sort of it, for a while. benjy was 18, had his GED, n wasn’t planning on going to college at all.

the circus was still traveling, the world was all right, etc. etc, benjy maintained contact with his bio parents bc it was Polite to do

and then the circus burned down! somebody did a flaming knife trick when they weren’t supposed to and, long story short--the entire circus went up in flames. there were no victims, no worries, but their entire livelihood was gone and they were all effectively displaced.

when his Rich Biological Parents found out about benjy’s newfound predicament that he 100% was not responsible for whatsoever, they were like . . . . listen. we’ve got a Reputation to uphold, but we’ll send you to college.

he’s been here since he was like, 21, so he’s a junior i think ??

he’s majoring in political science but it’s like technically his first year as the major bc his freshmen yr he wanted to do anthropology and then he switched to mathematics and homeboy was nvr satisfied but now he thinks he wants to do smth w social welfare so he’s doing political science w theatre and public affairs as minors

personality

he’s got. a big personality

he’s got this sort of energy that attracts others but they don’t really know why bc holy shit benjy can be annoying

he’s just super intense ?? like the boy does not know how to calm down, he’s constantly moving around and being dramatic and sometimes whiny

pouts more than a person should averagely pouts

i wouldn’t call him a liar because he can be, very very blunt, and doesn’t know how to beat around the bush, but he likes telling half-truths simply to either confuse others or to just b a lil bitch tbh

he’s got big dumbass energy like okay he’s smart he just doesn’t apply himself very often and he just. does dumb things

gets into fights bc he’s a dumbass. like. he will purposely provoke ppl he doesn’t like, n when he’s drunk he’ll do it to literally anybody esp ppl he likes

also just. doesn’t know when to stop talking. can find ways to ramble about nothing, asks questions w the intent of being annoying, etc. etc.

his ~parents~ didn’t rly believe in modern medicine n they were just like ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away!’ so he’s got this obsession w apples. literally is always chewing on an apple or a toothpick or anything he can get his hands on. he’s like a teething toddler, essentially

probably the dumbass who plays wonderwall at a party tbh

okay but fun fact! he’s super nimble and just. cat-like, from all his yrs of practicing n performing tightrope walking. if he falls over it’s because he wants to fall over and if he falls over it’s bc he wants ATTENTION

he loves. being the center of attention? but he’s also content with being in the background if it makes sense. he just wants to be doing something, anything

anyways he doesn’t take shit seriously at all like, i don’t think he’s ever had a serious conversation in his life ?

big slut for parties. he loves partying, he nvr knew he loved partying until he went to ucla but he loves it

he’s got an addictive personality so like okay. he’s not Addicted Addicted to anything specific (besides nicotine) but he definitely has no problem with drinking n doing drugs Often.

i mean he’s reckless too he never knows when to stop, feels like he’s tryn to be the Superior boy but he’s not and he’s probably overcompensating nowadays to deal w the guilt of accidentally burning down his entire life

drives cars too fast, drinks too much, has no problem getting into heavier drugs

also okay on a lighter note the boy used to be addicted to cigarettes bc he started fairly young but hoo boy he’s now on that juul game

literally he always has a juul on him. spends all his money on juuls

he works as a florist n a gardener for extra cash even tho his bio parents send him money, just bc its one of the only things that really calm him down tbh ??

also i meant it when i said he doesnt tell ppl his real name, like, ever. at least his first name bc he loves his last name but ? u probably dont know him as benjamin or even benjy, just smth stupid like marcellus the magnificent or booboo the fool hahahsdfgh

did i mention he casually juggles bc i genuinely cannot remember lmao

uuuhh there’s more i’m sure but !! i have a really bad memory!

i also dunno if im keeping his fc but we will SEE

he’s basically like....still a five yr old child

OH okay so i remembered smth else

he’s essentially a nomad which means he hates being rooted to ucla so he’s usually off drivin’ around the coast bc he’s bored goddammit but he always comes back bc he’s a loyal dog

speaking of loyal dogs. he’s got commitment issues. but not commitment issues? it’s sort of like. he gets really interested in things/people, kind of focuses all his energy on that thing or person, and then one day wakes up and is just. terribly bored. tends to drop ppl like that, esp relationships, and he doesn’t think much of it bc it’s Normal for him

but believe it or not, if u call him in the middle of the night he WILL show up, or if u wrong him instead of him wronging u, he’ll still b endlessly loyal

like he’s shitty but he’s got a heart ?

also like i said. he is chaotically bi. both chaotic and bisexual and also the two combined.

he’s chaotic neutral in general

wanted connections ?? possibly ??

frat bros - [hulk hogan voice] brother. he needs them

general friends ! - if u dont hate him then u just. love him, man. no inbetween

exes - he’s probably got...a few of these, because his attention span lasts like a max of two weeks

hookups - they also dont tend to last very long just bc of how he is as a person, but y’know. they good while they last

ex-hookups, specifically

ex-friends - bc he’s an idiot

if u really want to u can bring in a circus pal but firstly idk how they’d afford school but honestly. we can work smth out. hmu [kissy face]

roommate - do they hate each other ?? who knows

bad influence - they only egg on benjy’s dumbass behavior

good influence - probably forces him to study for once, or take care of his dumb ass

idk what to call it but like. ppl who HE eggs on to be bad, is generally toxic to the other person

anything else u want [another kissy face]

[cowpants147]

What the fuck happened to you?

Aaron was having a good day so far. He’d gotten some alone time with Kaitlyn that morning in between their shifts, the guy at the coffee cart had gotten his order right for once and also he was finally allowed to start seeing and treating patients. 

He was a resident now at a hospital in Chicago and the closest he’d come to actually practising medicine as of late was rectal exams and removing overgrown warts. He couldn't wait to get in on an actual surgery or stitch someone up at least. 

Today Aaron was in the ER, where all the good cases came in. He’d barely been there a minute when he was being called to Treatment Room 2 where apparently there was a patient waiting for him. 

He slung back the curtain and froze when he saw who was sat there one the bed covered in blood.  “What the fuck happened to you?”

“Dr Minyard!” a voice gasped from the corner of the room and Aaron bit his tongue to stop from swearing because of course the trauma attending was standing right there and had witnessed his less than professional greeting. 

“Yeah Dr Minyard, that’s no way to treat an injured patient” the smug voice of Neil Josten mocked playfully from where he sat crouched over. 

Aaron chose to ignore him, at least for a second. “Dr Lee ...“ he said not knowing what else to say. God he was going to murder Josten. 

“That is no way to treat a patient!”

“It’s fine, doctor” Neil spoke up “I know him”. 

“I’m afraid that's no excuse. I do apologise Mr Josten. I can ask for a different resident if you’d prefer”. 

Neil shook his head and Aaron didn't miss the wince “actually I’d prefer if Aaron stayed as my doctor”

“He’s a first year resident, we don't want his carelessness messing up your career. My daughter would be seriously pissed if the Panthers don't win the championships because of one of my doctors”. 

“Thanks Dr, but Aarons been stitching me up since college, I trust him” 

Well that was new. Neil trusted him? 

Dr Lee bit his tongue but nodded and went back over to the corner to keep and eye on things. Aaron approached the man he was sure was the bane of his life. Aaron took in Neil's injuries. Blood was coming from his stomach, he had a cut along his head and a nose that was starting to swell, an eye starting to blacken and he was holding his arm out at a funny angle. 

Brilliant. 

“What happened?” Aaron asked again, cutting open Neil's t-shirt wanting to stop the bleeding first. He didn't even blink when he saw Neil's scars, still horrifying as the first time he’d seen them. If he bled out Andrew would no doubt kill him. 

“I was stabbed” Neil shrugged, totally casual, “and then I got hit by a car”

“Jesus Christ Josten!” 

“It’s not as bad as it looks” 

Aaron switched to German then, fed up of the looks he was getting from his superior, “you fucking idiot, Andrew is going to kill you”

“You cant tell Andrew” Neil argued, also switching to German

“Yeah not gonna happen“

“You’ll just worry him and he has a game tonight” 

“He has a right to know you‘re trying to turn him into a widow” Aaron told him. 

Neil looked up confused “how did you know me and Andr-”

Aaron scoffed while applying pressure to the wound, the blood was slowly stopping “its obvious to anyone with half a brain cell”.

“Do the others-?” 

“Probably not, I said anyone with half a brain cell and they barely have that between the lot of them”. 

Neil hummed in reply. They stayed silent as Andrew stitched up his side, the only sound between them was Neil's occasional sharp intakes of breath.

“I’m sending you up for X-Rays” Aaron informed Neil once his torso and head wound were stitched up.

“I don't need X-Rays I’m fi-”

“Fine? Yeah course you are. Of course you’re fine after being stabbed and then hit by a car. I mean how does that even happen you complete idiot!”

“You’re mad” Neil observed. 

“I’m not mad” Aaron said but at Neil's disbelieving look he admitted that yes he was infact mad. “Not because I care about you but because I care about Andrew and what would happen to him if you go and get yourself killed which is why you’re going for X-Rays”. 

Thankfully Neil saved him from arguing and he attempted to stand. And by attempted he stood, putting weight on both feet before crumpling back against the bed. Neil met Aaron eyes “I think I may have sprained my ankle when I got hit by that car”. 

Aaron gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes before finding a wheel chair. 

“Where is he?” an all too familiar voice asked from behind. 

Aaron turned to see his twin brother standing there behind him looking to anyone else calm and collected but Aaron saw the worry hidden on his face. 

“You got here fast” Aaron remarked, he’d rung two hours ago to tell Andrew he’d gone to work to find a bleeding and bruised Neil waiting for him there. He’d been at an away game with his team a couple of hours away. 

Andrew shrugged, hands in pockets “speed limits are for wimps. Where is he?” 

“Should be coming down any minute now. I had to put his arm in a sling and sort out his sprained ankle and then he went up for X-Rays and other brain tests too to make sure he hadn't done anything that would cause complications later on”

Andrew nodded not saying anything but Aaron saw his shoulders relax just slightly. 

“Come on I’ll take you too him”. 

The walk to Neil's room was silent but not tense or awkward like it might have been once upon a time. They headed inside to find Neil hopping around his room. 

“Neil” Andrew said causing the red head to hop around on his one good foot to face them. 

“Andrew!” he grinned before turning to look at Aaron “I thought we’d agreed not to call him”. 

“I agreed to nothing“

“And why shouldn't I know?” Andrew asked going over to guide Neil back to the bed, he was so gentle with Neil compared to literally anybody else and it was always an odd sight for Aaron. 

“You have a game tonight, and it’s not like I’m dead, there’s nothing wrong with me, I didn't even need those X-Rays” this last point was directed towards Aaron and was basically a subtle way of saying ‘told you so’.

“Junkie. I’m not playing the game tonight”

“What no you cant-” Neil started but was silenced by Andrews stare. 

“Well you’re free to leave as soon as you fill out the papers” Aaron said and then hesitantly asked “where are you guys staying tonight? You cant travel till tomorrow, you need at least one night of rest Neil”  

Andrew didn't reply but Neil did “My team head home today and I’m already checked out of my hotel room” he shrugged “I’m sure we‘ll find some place”. 

“You can stay at mine” Aaron found himself saying “I mean, beats shelling out for an over priced hotel room or staying at a dingy motel where knowing your luck you’ll end up infected and I’ll no doubt have to save your life.”  

“We can afford a hotel” Neil argued. 

“Don't I know it, you guys earn more by throwing a ball around and breaking peoples noses then I do saving peoples lives” Aaron sighed “At least if you’re under the same roof I can check you don't have a concussion or something”.

Aaron was expecting Andrew to say something along the lines of “I can do that” although Andrews version would no doubt be more rude. Instead Andrew collected up Neil's belongings and pushed his husband into the nearby wheelchair. He held out his palm to Aaron. 

“Keys idiot. Unless you want me to pick the lock on your front door”. Andrew explained at Aaron confused look. 

Aaron met them both back at Andrews car ten minutes later. Neil was already safely inside as Aaron handed over his keys and kindly asked for them to not wake Kaitlyn if they could help it. Andrew nodded then turned to climb into the car but he froze. Andrew turned back to his twin “I appreciate you not letting him die” he told Aaron before climbing in and speeding off. 

Previous

[littledonkeyburrito]

No, I do not know Mr Ikea

1. Have you ever painted a car? No.

2. What’s the brand of your sneakers? I’m not currently wearing any but most of the shoes I own are converse.

3. Are there any gnomes in your yard? What yard?

4. When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? Probably the last time I went to a bar or maybe shopping centre??

5. Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it, or not?Does anyone actually remember phone numbers in this day and age?

6. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Never. It was always a little fear in the back of my head that I’d get stung by a bee or wasp for the first time when I was at work on nightshift on a site with nobody else around and realise I’m allergic and die.

7. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I have been old enough for like 5 years and I’ve never bought one. (this was so written by a 14 year old)

8. What’s the last thing your parents yelled at you about? My parents don’t yell at me because if things go wrong it’s my own damn fault and my own damn problem. Part of being an adult.

9. Have you ever been into a real cave? Yeah I went to a couple in Tasmania last year.

10. Does your local museum permit free entry to students? No idea but most of them do free entry one sunday per month.

11. When your picture is being taken, do you smile with/without teeth, or do you not smile at all? Depends on the photo and my mood at the time.

12. What’s your favorite type of seafood? Prawns. Honestly, prawns are a gift sent from heaven. 

13. Have you ever been to Florida? No

14. Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? Nah it’s not really uncommon. When I was in grade 8 there was a kid who started calling me a sort of shortened nickname version of my last name which, from an outside perspective, could sound racist. Anyway, this kid was a dick and a teacher heard him call me that once and gave him detention.

15. Have you ever told someone, besides family, that you love them and meant it? Every dog that I’ve ever met.

16. Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? No, I do not know Mr Ikea

17. Would you ever have a child just to get someone to fall in love with you? That is a horrible reason to have a child. So manipulative and super hurtful to everyone involved. Don’t ever do this.

18. Have you ever personally witnessed a drug deal before? Yeah.

19. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? Yeah, I got a ticket a few years ago.

20. What time is it where you are currently? 9:04pm 21. Have you got any half or step siblings? No

22. When was the last time you had wet hair? When I had a shower a couple of hours ago

23. Do you like kids’ movies? Sometimes

24. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I got a mild cold when I got back from central america. Long haul flights are the worst for cold and flu

25. When did you last wash your hair? A couple of hours ago

26. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, one time my friends and I got kicked out of a clothing store for mocking their stock and taking selfies wearing all their hats.

27. Who did you last speak aloud to and what did you say? I think it was when I spoke to my neighbour like 2 days ago about our electricity bill. I don’t go out much...

28. Do you have any homework to do? No. I don’t go to school and currently am not taking classes for anything. I think I last had homework in March.

29. What were you last at the doctor for? I needed a vaccination for Yellow Fever and some prescriptions for travel medication.

30. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? Back in the day

31. What is the strangest food combination that you enjoyed as a young child? I don’t think I necessarily enjoyed the combination but I loved the individual components so much that I kept eating them together anyway. As a kid I ate spicy salami with nutella.

32. Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before? Yeah that one time my neighbours at the time were fighting and it sounded like she was about to straight up murder him. 

33. What kind of phone do you have? Samsung S6

34. Name a site that you visit everyday. Until I read the previous person’s answer on this I didn’t realise you meant website. I was thinking of like work, the shops or whatever. 

35. List all the things you had to eat/drink today: Spicy noodles, some cheesy breadsticks, a banana, milk and some coke.

36. Best one: Alcohol overdose or jumping out of plane with no parachute? Bro, wtf? Probs drinking because it’d be fun up until I get sick.

37. Are you a fast walker, or do you take your time? In my city I walk fast and the slow tourists frustrate me.

38. Ever felt utterly ashamed of something or someone? Not really but there’s certainly a few cringey drunken memories in there. 

39. Do you find it difficult to sleep on your stomach? Yeah bc I got big tiddies

40. Have you ever drunk/eaten a substance in the science lab? Lmao yes this one time in year 12 chemistry we were trying to make icecream using dry ice but my group mixed ours too much and it pretty much came out like sweet butter so one of the girls got some crackers out of her locker and we ate them with the butter stuff. Also in that same semester we made wine and then sat around in the classroom drinking it with our teacher at 10am even though all the students were still 17.

41. Do you believe in the army, it’s disgraceful to improperly salute? I read the first half of that and was like, “Umm yes the army actually exists, it’s not some fucking cryptid.”

42. Would you rather play an instrument or be the singer? Instrument - drums.

43. You must change your name to either Ethel or Gertrude - which do you pick? Ethel 44. Form a sentence in which each word begins with the letter “H.” Harry hopped happily hacia (spanish meaning towards) his house. That’s a little bilingual one for you. 45. Would you be comfortable at a nude beach? Probably not. 46. Do you own anything that is glow in the dark? No.

47. In front of you is a chocolate brownie and a slice of apple pie - pick one. Brownie please  48. What is your least favorite breed of dog? No, they’re all good. 49. Would you rather battle a shark or a lion…why? I’d fight a shark on land. 50. How important is money to you? I like money a lot. Mostly I like it because travel is expensive 51. Find the item closest to you; what do you use it for? That would be my phone, a notebook and pen, and a can of beer. All fairly self explanatory.  52. Have you ever been told that you talk too fast? In english, yes. Spanish, definitely no. 53. Are there any stores near you that are open 24 hours? I honestly have no idea. 54. Do you know any songs by Fall Out Boy? Yes, and that reminds me that they have a new album out that I should buy. Also Foo Fighters and I think Maroon 5 (or maybe it’s out soon) 55. Have you ever given your phone number to somebody you met online? Yes, I have given my number to a couple of people from tinder because it’s much easier to chat on whatsapp. 56. Have you ever had a crush on somebody who was 10+ years older than you? I guess so, yeah. 57. In your opinion, are leggings appropriate to wear as pants? Maybe not in an office/formal environment, but casually, you do you man idgaf 58. On average, how much does gas cost where you live? No idea, I’ve never driven here so I’ve never felt the need to check prices. 59. Do you know anybody who can play an instrument? Yes 60. What store did you buy the shirt you wore today at? I bought it at cotton on in Toowoomba way back when I was still at uni. It’s my pyjama shirt these days. 61. Do you prefer minty or fruity flavored gum? I don’t like gum, but I do like to have breath mints around. 62. When I say the word “Luxury” what comes to mind? idk why exactly but I pictured a purple leather sofa with gold along the backrest. 

Like this ^^ design but purple leather instead of the beige and gold instead of the white. In a dimly lit room. Probably with a fireplace roaring nearby.

63. How old were you the year your favorite movie came out? idk if it’s still my favourite but I was 16 when it was released.

64. Whose birthday is coming up soon? @aturinfortheworse in a bit over a month. Oh wait, my dad’s is before that.

65. What’s your favorite place to get sushi? Not in most countries bc it’s super expensive. But Japan or Aus are good.

66. What’s your favorite Paul Rudd movie? Probably Antman

67. Do you know anyone who lives in Hawaii? No.

68. What’s your favorite way to eat a potato, ex.: chips, fries, baked, etc.? Raw like an apple. Straight from the ground, don’t even wash the dirt off.

69. What’s the closest thing to you with someone’s handwriting on it? The notebook sitting on the end of the couch. I’ve been writing down the companies I’ve been sending my CV to.

70. What’s the most important key on your key ring? There are 3 keys to get into my apartment and those are the only keys I have.

71. Do you have Spotify and if so, what’s the last song you listened to on it? I do not.

72. How spicy do you like your food? Very. Just fuck me up fam.

73. When was the last time you walked through your front door? A couple of days ago when I went to the corner store to buy beer.

74. What would you do if you accidentally got pregnant? I’d panic first, and then abort.

75. Bats: cute or gross? So goddamn cute.

76. Are you going to or did you see the new Star Wars? Yeah I’ll probably go see when it comes out.

77. What’s your favorite Netflix show? My fave netflix original is probably Club De Cuervos 78. What is the last thing you said to the person you like? "If I had more money I’d definitely be travelling right now” 79. What was the last thing to annoy you, even the slightest bit? When you apply for a job online and you attach your resume but then they still make you fill out that whole questionaire thing that takes like 30 fucking minutes and it’s literally all information that is written in your resume. 80.  Would you rather go back a week or go forward? Neither of them are going to make a difference. 81. Could you go out in public looking like you do now? No thanks 82. Who did you like on New Years? I was very attracted to the guy I was seeing at the time but I didn’t actually like him as such. I did have a bit of a crush on my spanish teacher though 83. What did you have for breakfast? I did not. 84. Have you had sex in 2017 yet? Yeah it’s been a pretty fun year tbh 85. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? Last time I had a shot would have been in Panama when I was quite hungover so the panama guy took me to a bar and gave me a beer and a shot of white rum. The rum did not go down well but the beer was nice. 86. What are you wearing currently? Pyjamas and socks 87. What colour hair do you find sexiest on the opposite gender? Dark brown or black usually 88. Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? Yes. (this section must have also been written by a teenager) 89. Who last slept in your bed besides you? Guy that visited a few weeks ago 90. What time did you wake up today? Around midday 91. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you? Bit difficult since we live on different continents. If we lived in the same place, then yeah I’d probably give it a go 92. How long until your birthday? 7 months 93. When you lost your virginity, were you sober? I was not anywhere close to sober 94. Has anyone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah. 95. When did you last consume something that had peanut butter? I have absolutely no idea.

[lessthanhappyy]

I mean, I was expecting this, right?

I just left the rheumatologist. I have new information (I have old information repackaged as new information). I went in with theories and frustration and the recommendation of a well meaning nurse. I stumbled into this point, right? I saw doctor after doctor, explained symptom after symptom, and finally after years of nothing, because I was referred to a podiatrist half a year ago, I'm sitting at a bus stop after seeing a rheumatologist. Perhaps I should explain (perhaps I should not). I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrom, or EDS. I am always in pain. I am always second guessing my body, always hoping that when I walk up the stairs my knee doesn't give out this time, that while I'm working, my ankle doesn't dislocate this time. When I was little, doctor after doctor turned me away, or worse, told me to do stretches and I'd be fine (fun fact I learned today - stretching actually further injures and stretches the bodies of those with EDS and should be avoided at all costs). I felt like I was making it up. I felt fucking crazy. I felt confused. One doctor did blood work to see if I had rheumatoid arthritis. When the tests came back negative, he stopped looking for other options. My pain got worse, and I got quiet. It reminds me of the phenomenon of "smiling depression," where a person who is depressed, wants to die or self injure or what have you, is also a good student or incredible employee or appears happy. They're "smiling" through their mental illness. That became my approach to pain and the other not so fun quirks of my previously undiagnosed condition. It exists, and I'm going to keep on going. Even more so, I did what I could to make it into a party trick - at camp, one year for the talent show I showed off my weird overly bendy joints. In January I sat down with a doctor who my only experience of her was when I needed a medical signature in a minor emergency a few years previous, she gave it to me, no questions asked. And so I sat down with her and gave her a list of my fucking disaster of health problems, and asked what she could do. Turns out, not much. But oh! The recommendations to other doctors! This becomes a thing, bee the bi. You see one doctor, and they send you to another. They send you back and they send you to another. Then you have to see the first doctor again. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Specifically, she sent me to a podiatrist for my foot problem (it locks, it hurts, no, it's not just because I have flat feet, if it was just because of the flat feet I'd have symptoms in both feet and I don't). He was. Annoying. Possibly helpful, but annoying. Though, he did make the first of several (annoying) helpful calls. He told me to go back to my primary care doctor and ask her to send me to a back specialist. And then I slept through my doctor appointment because of a medication I was briefly on that was making me sleep in excess of 20 hours a day. This is possibly significant. Or maybe I would've ended up at the same place anyways. I called my clinic and asked if there was anybody who could see me, and there was one nurse available, so I went in and saw her instead of my primary care doctor. And I explained that my podiatrist wanted me to see a back specialist so I needed a recommendation for who to see, and she responds, "Oh! I'm actually this clinics back doctor. I can do your exam now." So she does. And I bend over backwards. We're back to my array of party tricks, including my ability to, quite literally, bend in half backwards. She stares at me and says, "You're very flexible" and I good naturedly smile and respond, "Always have been! It annoys every chiropractor or massage therapist I ever work with - my elbow's bend backwards too." She asks to see - I show her. (She looks concerned, which is new. I don't think I've ever had a doctor look concerned before, except for that one time I had bronchitis in fifth grade.) She sits me down and tests my hypermobility. She asks me about my pain levels - where the pain is. She asks if anybody else in my family is hypermobile. I say, "A little, but not like I am." She asks how old my scars are, and I tell her. (I understand now that the reason why my scars are so prominent is because EDS screws up your collagen, which is what forms scars, so you end up with long lasting, sometimes even sensitive, red puffy scars. It's also why ALL of my g'd damn piercings scar even though I don't know anybody else who has visible scar tissue around several year old piercings.) She tells me that she thinks I might have EDS, but wants me to see a rheumatologist, and that if she sent me to another back specialist, any good one would do the same. (Now I go back to the podiatrist and mention I might have EDS. He says, "No, no you don't want EDS," like it's some kind of choice. He sends me to physical therapy and says to come back in 8 weeks and we'll chat again and I can get an MRI if I'm still in pain.) I am in enough pain that walking can be hard, and my ankle gives out on me, so I use a cane now (the rheumatologist also mentioned to try walking sticks or forearm crutches, so we'll see). But I do physical therapy, until today, in which I cancel to go to the rheumatologist instead. He's... Friendly. Weird. It's a strange appointment. He jumps back and forth between genuine questions about my life - "oh, you're a farmer?? What all are you growing right now? I'm trying to have a garden this year" - to questions about where pain is, what joints are doing weird things, how often do I fall down the stairs (the answer to that, my friends, is a lot). And after everything tells me to wait, and that he had a book for me to read (it's called the Joint Hypermobility Handbook. It's about EDS. He explains how EDS causes my symptoms and explains a little of what I can do to make them more manageable. He tells me to join a support group and come back to him if I ever need anything). Diagnosis is what I was expecting, and yet it isn't. We often treat diagnosis as if it's this big pretty ribbon that fixes everything. It's not. Diagnosis is my ankle still fucking hurts, and it's always going to hurt. Diagnosis is it is entirely possible I will be in and out of physical therapy for the rest of my life. Diagnosis is, I kind of hope you're right because then I can stop fucking searching for what the fuck is wrong with me, and I also kind of hope you're wrong because there is no fix it button. I can't think it away anymore (not like I was doing that beforehand, but hey, I was definitely trying). I'm not really sure what this about anymore (I'm not really sure it has to be about anything). I have the diagnosis now. Wasn't I expecting this? (I don't think anybody is actually "expecting" things like this.) Mostly, I suppose, I am going to be okay, but I'm never going to be okay. I'm disabled. I will be disabled for the rest of my life. That does not mean I am unable, or that I'm inferior, or less, or faking it. It means I'm disabled. That this world will never quite be built for me. But I'm still a person. I'm still doing things as I can, at my own pace, in my own way. And hey, if you want be an asshole or a bigot about it, I'll fucking fight you, and I win because I have a motherfucking cane (and those things hurt).