#does Delilah look like her mom or her dad?

[winchesterwild78]

Daddy’s Girl pt 5

Master List

Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader (wife), Dean and Reader’s daughter, other characters from Supernatural

Warnings: Angst, mentions of attempted sexual assault, panic attack, nightmares

A/N: Another collab story with @cheekygirl2309. This chapter will feature a few time jumps. We wanted to capture Dean as a dad at different stages of his daughter’s life.

This is a work of fiction and does not follow the Supernatural storyline. I do not own the rights to the characters used.

All work is my own and @cheekygirl2309, don’t take it or use it as your own. Reblogs and likes are appreciated.

Minors DNI 18+

The next morning I woke up early. Dean was sleeping next to me. Soft snores came from his lips. One hand resting under his head and the other across his chest.

I slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen. Making coffee I heard the sound of feet behind me.

Charlie walked in. His sandy brown hair was a mess from sleep and he rubbed his eyes. As he got older he looked more and more like Dean.

“Good morning baby. How did you sleep?” “Okay I guess. I thought I heard you leave in the middle of the night.”

“I did. I went to get dad. Everything is okay. He’s just sleeping now.” He nodded and I turned back to continue getting things out to make breakfast.

I heard Charlie gasp softly. I turned around and saw Delilah standing there with a bruise to the side of her face.

“What happened?” He was out of his seat and by her side. “Don’t worry about it.” He scoffed, “Mom, did you see her face?” I nodded, “Yes, and it’s been handled.”

“What does that mean? What happened?” I walked over to him and touched his shoulder, “Honey, your sister had a bit of an issue last night but Dad dealt with it.”

Charlie shook his head but kept his eyes on Delilah. She walked over to me, “How’s dad? Is he still mad at me?” I turned and looked at her, “Delilah Rose, your dad is not mad at you and he wasn’t mad at you last night. He’s okay. He’s sleeping it off. The charges were dropped.”

Charlie looked up from his plate, “What charges?!” Delilah sighed, “I made a stupid mistake last night and snuck out. I met a boy and he tried to attack me. When I told him no and he wouldn't stop I bit and kicked him. He slapped me and left me on the side of the road. Dad came and got me and then went out and beat the kid up. Mom had to go get him from jail last night. There, happy?! Now you know every fucking thing I did that made dad hate me.”

Charlie gasped and as soon as she said “dad hates me” Dean walked in the kitchen. Her eyes flicked up to his and she started crying and ran out of the room.

He ran his fingers through his hair and followed her. Knocking on her door he opened it to find her in a ball on her bed crying. He was by her side in an instant. Pulling her into his arms, “Hey, shh. I don’t nor could I ever hate you. Last night was not your fault. I made the decision to get drunk and beat him up. I’d do it all over again too. Sober even, cause he deserved a lot more than what he got. Please don’t ever think I hate you or I blame you for anything. I don’t.”

“Daddy, I was so scared. I really thought he was going to take what he wanted. All I could think about was how disappointed you and mom would be that I snuck out. I was almost raped and all I could think about was me sneaking out.”

“Honey, that was your mind’s way of protecting you from what was happening. It’s completely normal. I’m so glad you’re safe.” Dean saw the bruise on her face and felt the anger returning. He lightly brushed her cheek, “If you want we can press charges against him for assault and battery.”

“I’ll think about it.” Delilah said snuggling closer to Dean. “Daddy, I really don’t think I can go to school today. Especially with this on my face.” She said as she pointed to her bruise.

“It’s okay baby girl, you can stay home. Let’s play hooky and hang out binging whatever show you want to watch and gorging ourselves on junk food.”

She smiled, “Don’t forget the pie.” He smiled, “That’s my girl. I’ll see if mom wants to go with me to the store. Delilah?” “Yes, daddy?” “None of last night was your fault. I don’t care if you were wearing a sheer dress, he had no right to put his hands on you and when you said no and stop, he should have.” She nodded, “Thank you, daddy.’ He leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

I decided to let Charlie and Delilah stay home from school. Charlie was so upset when he heard what happened to Delilah. “Mom, why would someone do that? I can’t believe Jaxon would do that to Delilah. I’m glad dad kicked his butt.”

I touched his arm, “Some people are just evil. Dad and Uncle Sam dealt with it for years. Delilah will be okay. It’s going to take some time, but she will be. She needs all of us to love and support her through this.”

He nodded and said he would do whatever he needed to keep his sister safe.

Dean walked in the kitchen and said he was going to head to the store and get some snacks for a day in. “Y/N, do you want to ride with me?” Charlie looked at Dean and said, “Dad, can I go?” Dean looked at me and I nodded. “Sure bud. Go get dressed and I’ll meet you in the garage.” Charlie nodded and took off.

I walked over to Dean and kissed him. “How’s our girl?” “She’s okay. She’s staying home and we are going to binge watch some movies or tv shows and eat junk. I asked if she wanted to press charges and she said she’d think about it.”

I nodded, “Okay. Thank you for taking Charlie with you. I think he’s feeling a little down; he couldn't protect her either.” Dean hugged me, “We will help her get through this. Are you okay?” I nodded, tears pricked my eyes. “I hate that she had to go through this. I feel so helpless right now. She’s hurting and there isn’t anything I can do except be there to hold her when she cries. I wish I had gone with you last night, because I want to kick that kid’s ass too. I don’t think the cops would have been able to pull me off of him.”

Dean smirked, “That’s my mama bear.” Charlie came back into the kitchen, “I’m ready, dad. I know you said to meet you in the garage, but I heard you in here.”

Dean kissed me again and they left. I walked to Delilah’s room and knocked, “Baby, can I come in?” “Yeah.”

“Baby, I need to look at the marks on you, just to make sure they are healing and I don’t need to treat them. Your dad and Charlie are gone, so it’s just us girls.”

Bubbles was curled up in a ball at the foot of Delilah’s bed. “Since when does she sleep in here?” I chuckled. “She came in here last night after I got home and hasn’t left.”

I reached down and petted her head. “She’s always loved you. She probably sensed you needed her.” Delilah smiled and looked at Bubbles, “Yeah, she’s a good girl.”

“Okay, sweetie, you take your time.” Delilah nodded and lifted up her shirt. I swallowed hard looking at the bruises and handprints on her body. She had a scratch on the left side of her chest, closest to her collarbone, a hand print bruise around her neck, a bruise on her face where he slapped her, and small bruises dotted her torso.

“Well it looks like all of this will heal. The scratch is just on the surface, and the bruises will disappear over the next few weeks. The emotional scars will be there longer. I think we should reach out to a family counselor about this. They can help you and help us process this. What do you think?”

Delilah shrugged, “I guess. I’m just not ready to talk about it right now.” I nodded, “I understand. Just know when you are, we are here.”

About twenty minutes later Dean and Charlie came in and were laughing, exchanging playful banter. It was so good to see them smile. They had bags of snacks and of course pie.

“Hey sis, we got you chocolate pie.” Delilah came into the kitchen and smiled. She hugged Charlie and then Dean. “Hey, why don’t you two go pick out a movie or a show. Dad and I will get the snacks ready and bring them in.”

They nodded and left. Dean looked at me, he knew something was wrong. “Y/N, are you okay?” I shook my head, “No, not really. I checked her over and she’s covered in bruises. Dean, she has a handprint on her neck. I think we need to look into therapy for her and us.”

Dean took my hand and pulled me close, “I agree. This is something that’s going to take awhile to work through. We will do whatever we can to help her. Now, let’s go veg out and eat some junk, and pie.” He winked and I laughed.

We grabbed all the food and some drinks and took them to the Dean cave.

Delilah and Charlie were building a pillow and blanket area on the floor. It was something we’d done since they were little.

Dean sat the food and drinks down and took a seat on the couch. I sat beside him as the kids sat on the floor.

Delilah and Charlie picked a movie together. Dean offered me his arm and I snuggled to his side. He kissed the top of my head and I smiled up at him.

Delilah looked back at us and smiled.

Dean’s arm draped over my shoulder and his fingers drew lazy patterns on my arm.

His touch still sends shivers through my body. We were watching the movie and about halfway through the second one I noticed Delilah and Charlie had fallen asleep. I nudged Dean and he chuckled.

“Want to go to our bedroom for some entertainment of our own?” He wiggled his eyebrows. I giggled and bit my lip. “I don’t know. The kids might wake up. We wouldn’t want to scar them for life.”

Dean stuck out his bottom lip. I stood and grabbed the food to carry it into the kitchen. “Aww don’t pout. Meet me in our bedroom in 5 minutes.” I laughed as I walked out.

Dean leaped off the couch and went to our room. When I opened our door he was laying on the bed with his arms behind his head. His shirt off and his jeans unbuttoned.

I stood at the door and looked at him laying on the bed. I couldn’t help but bite my lip and clench my thighs together. Damn I’m a very lucky woman.

“Like what you see, Mrs Winchester?” He smirked. “Eh, it’s alright.” I giggled.

“Alright? I’ll show you alright.” He leaped off the bed and pulled me in his arms. Backing me into the bed we both fell and he landed on top of me.

Dean started kissing my lips and his hand trailed up my body. I arched my back into him and moaned his name.

I felt his arousal pushing into my leg and it turned me on more. “Dean, I need you baby. I can be quiet, but I need you so bad.” His hand slipped under my shirt and I sat up to help him remove it.

His lips kissed down my neck and to the top of my breasts. Dean reached around and unclasped my bra and pulled it off. My breasts free from the confines of the fabric.

Dean licked and sucked my breasts. Taking his time with each nipple. My hands instinctively went in his hair. Dean was kissing down my torso, over every stretchmark and scar when there was a frantic knock at the door.

“Mom, dad, it’s Delilah. Something’s wrong!” Charlie was calling through the door.

Dean sprang out of bed and I grabbed my shirt. He swung open the door and ran towards the Dean Cave. When he got in there, Delilah was curled in a ball, breathing coming in gasps as tears fell.

She was having a panic attack. Dean ran to her side and held her. “It’s okay baby. Daddy’s here. Come on sweetie, breathe with me. In and out, slowly. Come on pumpkin, I need you to breathe with me.”

Dean took Delilah’s hands and placed them on his chest. He looked her in her eyes and held her gaze, “That’s right sweetie, in and out. You’ve got this. You’re safe.”

Charlie was beside himself. I pulled him into my arms, “It’s okay baby. Thank you for getting us. She’s having a panic attack, daddy will get her through it. He knows what to do. She’s going to be okay. Come on, let’s get you out of here.” “No! I’m not leaving her. She needs me.”

Charlie went to Delilah’s side and placed his hand on her shoulder, “I’m here D. You’re okay.”

Eventually Delilah’s breathing evened out and her crying stopped. Dean held her longer, rubbing her back and reassuring her. “Daddy, I’m so sorry.” Dean held her tighter, “You have nothing to be sorry for. This happens. Uncle Sammy and Mom get panic attacks. It’s okay.”

She nodded and held Dean’s shirt a little tighter.

Later that night I found it hard to sleep. I was so worried about her. I tossed and turned. Dean held me tighter, “Y/N, she’s going to be okay. We will make sure of it.” “Dean, I’m so worried about her.”

He kissed my head, “I know. I am too.” There was a soft knock on the door. “Come in.” Dean said. The door creaked open and it was Delilah. “Hey, sweetheart. Are you okay?” I asked. She shook her head no. “I’m scared to go to sleep. Daddy, um, do you think you could come sing to me? Like you used to when I was little?”

Dean smiled, “Of course I can.” She smiled a little and nodded, walking back in her room. Dean kissed my lips, “I’ll be back later. I love you.” “I love you too.”

Delilah had crawled back in her bed and Dean sat on the side of her bed. He started to sing and she snuggled close to him like she did when she was little. He sat beside her, holding her and singing to her. He didn’t care about anything other than making his baby girl feel safe again.

Dean had stopped singing when the soft snores came from her lips. He looked down at his baby girl and his heart was broken. For her to have gone through everything she had, it was like a knife through his soul.

His main job is to protect his family, and he failed to do it. Well, that’s what he felt.

All he could do at this moment was to sing to her and hold her.

Dean got comfortable on the bed and pulled Delilah close. Flashes of her life played in his mind like a silent film.

This young woman was and will always be his little girl. From the moment she was born a deeper protective instinct kicked in.

She and Charlie were his legacy, and as he saw it, his greatest achievement. Now, she was lying broken in his arms. The kind of broken that leaves scars on your soul. The kind of broken he knew all too well.

I walked to the door and saw Delilah hold on to Dean’s shirt like she did as a frightened child, and I saw Dean’s strong, protective arms wrapped around his little girl.

My heart ached for her pain, but was full of so much love for him. I knew when I married him he would be an amazing husband and father, but nothing could prepare me for just how amazing he truly is.

I quietly walked over and Dean looked at me with a lazy smile. I leaned down, kissed his lips and threw a blanket over him.

“I love you, Dean.” “I love you too, sweetheart.”

I turned to walk away but stopped to look at them one last time. “Dean?”

He looked at me, “Hmm?” “I want you to know I’d choose you over and over again. Thank you for loving me and loving them. You were an amazing hunter, but you were born to be a father. She will never forget how her daddy is the one man she can always count on to make her feel safe and loved.”

Tears pricked his eyes, “Thank you, Y/N. I really needed to hear that.” I nodded, said I love you one more time and softly closed the door.

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[maccachibchan]

The Birth of Delilah (Bonus Panel)

The comic will continue. I promise.

[rucksackmentality]

List of the truths shared in Nana Morri's Honesty trial (C3E79):

Imogen: I am genuinely scared to meet my mom again.

Laudna: Deep down inside, both Delilah and I want the shard...Fearne should have it, but I don't know anymore what's my opinion or desires or feelings, or hers.

Imogen: I love Laudna deeply but I'm disgusted at the thought of Delilah looking at us all the time.

Orym: I'm super lonely all the time, especially at night. It doesn’t matter if I'm bunking with one of you guys.

FCG: Sometimes I pity some of you because you have beating hearts and opportunities and you don’t do enough with them...Chetney, you have so much love to give and it doesn't seem like you're interested in anything other than wood! There's people out there who you could love and experiences you could share with someone else, but all you care about is wood!

Orym: I've always kind of laughed it off but I guess I do kind of wonder if Chetney is my dad.

Ashton: I am the reason that the Jiana Hexum robbery went fucking wrong, and the reason why I got thrown out of a fucking window.

Fearne: I feel like we’re very ill-equipped for this job and we're going to fail at saving the world. (Laudna: Honestly that's probably true, I'm right there with you.)

Chetney: While wood may be the superior material to metal, I do fear that, with the dwindling interest in it, that children will find my toys - and thereby myself - obsolete every year I grow older.

FCG: I think it's something buried deep down in my circuitry, but every time I hurt or kill something - it feels really good. It makes me sort of relax a little bit and some of my stress goes away.

Imogen: I know we're supposed to save the gods, but I've tried talking to them my whole life and none of them would ever respond. I think I'm tainted. I dont know if I want to save gods that don't love me.

Laudna: You know we could rip-cord out of [saving the world] at any moment...right? And sometimes I fantasize about it all the time.

Fearne: I sometimes do stuff to you guys while you're sleeping - not weird stuff, I just like to look at you closely...and maybe like, twiddle your hair or braid it. Nothing bad!

Ashton: Whenever it starts to get quiet, I start worrying that one of us - most of us - are going to end up killing another one of us accidentally...I have panicked thinking about when one you kills another one of us.

Orym: I have all the faith in the world in you guys...and I have also spent time thinking of how to neutralize each of you.

FCG: I kinda worry that I put all my eggs in the Changebringer basket and she might betray us all. I had a really weird conversation with her and I think she's just out for herself and she might not really care about me - but what if she does? And I'm saying horrible things?

Imogen: Fearne, I was really disappointed in you for running away from your power. You should take the shard!

Orym: I really miss Dorian, and sometimes I think that's okay, and sometimes I think it isn't.

Ashton: I feel fucking worse that I just fucked up Fearne's life way more than mine and I should've died instead of that happening.

Chetney: I grew up in the Bramblewood outside of Westruun, and when I was a kid, I came back from learning how to make toys and found that my whole family had left. All they left behind were toys. They ran when Errevon the Rimelord was running across the plains, and so I'm kind of afraid of dragons. And I had five siblings - Alabaster, Pepper, Sugarplum, Hermey, and Chad - and I was so mad that they left I never looked for any of them, and now I'm pretty sure they're dead. So I think any family I have is just gonna look for a reason to leave me. That's why I don't get attached to anybody.

[hiro--aoki]

TWD X Tumblr Chapter Four: Disoriented

TW: Somewhat suggested abuse, but its pretty plain of tw's today

A/n: I'm really sorry for how late this is, family shit, but it's here. It's also short, but that just means more chapters in season one

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

"Disoriented."

The fire crackles in the middle of the circle of people, crickets chirping off in the distance.

Rick has Lori and Lily either side of him and Carl laying on his lap.

"I guess that comes closest." Rick continues, glancing around the group as rubs Carl's head.

"Disoriented. Fear, confusion; all those things but disoriented comes closest."

Thunder rolls in the distance as the group listens to his tired voice, explaining the journey he went through to find his family.

Dale sets down his mug of soup, "Words can be meagre things. Sometimes they fall short."

He glances around the group as well.

"I felt like I'd been ripped out of my life and put somewhere else." Rick continues, "For a while I thought I was trapped. Trapped in some coma dream. Something I might not wake up from ever."

Carl pulls himself closer to Rick, tilting his head back to look up at him.

There's a soft sparkle in his eyes, as he listens to his strong and brave dad.

"Mom said you died." He whispers softly.

He sounds like he's almost about to fall asleep, cuddled up with his family.

There's another momentary silence withing the group.

Lori opens her mouth to explain, but Rick interupts, his voice soft like silk.

"She had every reason to believe that...don't you ever doubt it."

Lori looks over at Shane, who's sitting with Delilah and Kayden snuggled up next to him. They lock eyes, almost communicating.

Finally, Lori speaks.

"When things started to get really bad, they told me at the hospital that they were going to medevac you and the other patients to Atlanta and it never happened."

"Probably for the best." Lily whispers.

"Yeah, probably for the best." Lori smiles down at her.

"And, I'm not surprised, after Atlanta fell." Rick adds.

Shane tosses a twig into the warmth of the fire.

A few "yeah"s are murmered around the group.

"And from the look of that hospital, it got overrun." "...yeah, looks don't decieve." Shane adds, "I barely got them out. You know?" 

He gestures to Lori, Carl and LIly then Kayden and Delilah.

Rick looks over at Shane, "I can't tell you how grateful I am to you, Shane. I can't begin to express it."

There's a sudden tension spike between the group.

"There go those words falling short again." Dale jokes, trying to lighten the mood.

Glenn moves from the fire, with his cup of soup, sitting down next to Delilah and Kayden, offering a sip of his soup to Delilah. She shakes her head at the offer.

Kayden's eyes stay on Carl. She wants to be cuddled up with him, but she can't interrupt his family moment.

"Paltry things." Dale adds, directed at the lack of ability to express oneself purely through words.

Lori grips Rick even tighter, going into deep thought about something.

Rick rubs her arm, soothing her, as he thinks she's still recovering form the shock of him coming back.

Someone steps up. Ed Peletier. Here comes some drama.

He throws a chopped log into the fire, making it bigger. The fire crackles loudly and Ed sits back down.

"Hey, Ed, you want to rethink that log?" Shane asks, his patience obviously barely existent for this man.

Ed just throws his head back and says, "It's cold, man."

The groups throws glances at each other, each one showing a different combination of emotions, ranging from annoyance to... yeah basically all annoyance.

"The cold don't change the rules, does it?" Shane says to Ed, waiting for him to get the hint, "Keep our fires low, just embers, so we can't be seen from a distance, right?"

Everyone hopes that Ed will just listen and take the log out. But their wishes go unanswered.

"I said it's cold." Ed hardens his voice, as if he could scare Shane into letting him rule the roost, "You should mind your own business for once."

Shane lets out a groan, before standing, deciding if he wants it done, Ed ain't gonna do it.

"Hey Ed." Shane mumbles as he passes Ed, giving him two pats on his shoulder as he stands next to him, "You sure you want to have this conversation, man?"

Ed looks up at Shane from his seat, thinking for a moment, weighing his options.

"Go on. Pull the damn thing out." He says after a few seconds.

Shane just stands there. He's not Ed's dog, he's not doing it for him.

"Go on!" Ed raises his voice.

Carol stands, laying her shawl on her chair next to Sophia, as she stands to take the log out.

Shane looks between Ed and the fire before pulling out the log, just so Carol doesn't have to and so he doesn't have to put up with Ed's 'Lead Cheerleader Complex'.

He tosses the burning log to the ground and stops out the flames on it.

Shane then crouches next to Carol and Sophia, "Hey, carol, Sophia, how are ya'll this evening?"

Sophia stays looking at the fire, silently, but Carol turns to Shane and answers him.

"Fine. We're just fine." "Okay." Shane says, obviously questioning her.

Ed glares the the three of them from across the fire.

"I'm sorry about the fire." Carol adds.

"No, no, no, no. No apology needed." Shane assures, "Ya'll have a good night, okay?"

They both nod and Carol whispers a "Thank you".

Shane stands again, before saying to Ed in particular, "I appreciate the cooperation." 

The underlying sarcasm can be noted in his tone.

Shane walks back to his spot on the ground, the group watching him move.

"Have you given any thought to Daryl Dixon? He won't be happy to hear his brother was left behind." Dale asks.

"I'll tell him."T-Dog declares, "I dropped the key. It's on me."

"I cuffed him. That makes it mine." Rick counters.

"Guys, it's not a competition." Delilah says, Glenn rubs his thumb over her knuckle, his other hand holfing his now empty mug.

"I don't mean to sound racist when I say this but it might sound better coming froma white guy." Glenn adds.

"...I did what I did. hell if I'm gonna hide from him." T-Dog says firmly.

"We could lie." Amy suggests.

"Or tell the truth." Andrea says, leaving no room for argument, "Merle was out of control. Something had to be done, or he would've gotten us killed."

Andrea turns to Lori, "Your husband did what was necessary. And if Merle got left behind, it is nobody's fault but Merle's."

"And that's what we tell Daryl?" Dale asks with concern, "I don't see a rational discussion to be had from that, do you?"

Andrea shakes her head.

"Word to the wise," Dale continues, "We're gonna have our hands full when he gets back from his hunt."

"I was scared and I ran." T-Dog starts, "I'm not ashamed of it." "We were all scared. We all ran. What's your point?" Andrea asks.

"I stopped long enough to chain that door. Staircase is narrow. Maybe half a dozen geeks can squeeze against it at any one time. It's not enough to break through that. Not that chain, not that padlock. My point: Dixon's alive."

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[jackhues]

new au idea (m.tkachuk!daughter) lmk ur thoughts!!

on december 17th, 2019, delilah/lilah was born. matthew has just turned 22 a few days ago, and he didn't want a kid. he told mom he'd pay for child support, but he didn't want to be a part of her life because he was too young, he was too into hockey.

he never bought any presents for her, simply sent a monthly stipend to mom bcz he didn't want any attachment. he gave a little more money than needed to mom, but it still wasn't much to him.

his parents weren't super happy, but they live with his decision. brady and taryn fought with him for a while, but then decided that she's their niece even if he doesn't want to be the dad. uncle brady and aunt taryn are a part of delilah's life and she loves them.

mom has a history of drug abuse, but she'd been clean for a few years when she met matthew. she'd collect the extra money he gave, promising it's for a bday present for lilah, but she ended up giving up and relapsing. she did this a few times, but no one found out and she always promised herself it'd be the "last time".

on april 5th, 2023, (lilah's 3) when brady went to visit mom and lilah in florida while he was versing his brother, he found mom high out of her mind. he basically ran in the house looking for lilah, and found her crying in a corner behind her bed, too scared to get out. brady took her and left.

he called matthew, who didn't pick up, so he ended up driving straight to his house. matthew opened the door and saw brady with a kid and was so confused until brady was like "it's your kid. this is delilah."

matthew's pissed like "why tf would you bring her here? i've already talked to her mom, we've got an agreement--"

"does that agreement still hold when she's high out of her mind?" brady asked. "when she's scared lilah so much she didn't want to come out from her corner behind the bed?"

and matthew's like ...shit. he looks at lilah, who's pretending to be asleep soundly in brady's arms and he doesn't know what to do anymore.

brady puts lilah on matthew's bed and is like to him, "look, idc what your problem is with having a kid. but her mom's got some issues, and at least until she works them out, you gotta watch her. she's your kid." and when matthew looks unconvinced, he adds, "yk what? if you don't want her, fine. but you're still her dad, and legally, her guardian. i need you to watch her until taryn or i can get custody."

and matthew snaps out of it and he's like, "i don't need one of you guys to take custody. she's my kid. i've got her."

and brady's shocked bcz that's the first time matthew's acknowledged it, but he's feeling accomplished, so he heads out.

matthew looks at lilah sleeping in his much too big bed and is like, "brady's gone. are you still gonna pretend to be asleep?"

and lilah opens her eyes and sits up, looking matthew in the eyes. she doesn't ask him if he's her dad, she doesn't ask him where she is, she simply goes, "are you gonna keep me away from mommy?"

matthew sighs and lilah flinches (which breaks his heart) but he sits on the floor and is like, "your mommy is not feeling good right now. until the doctors can get her better, until she can get herself better, you'll be staying with me."

and lilah's like, "i don't wanna go back to mommy. she's scary. can i stay with you? you're uncle brady's brother, right? my dad?"

and matthew doesn't know how to answer the first question, so he just nods and goes, "yeah, i'm your dad. and i know you've got a hundred more questions, but right now, you need to sleep, okay? you had a long day."

"can i hold your hand?" lilah asks. "mommy ripped apart my bernie (a stuffy she has) and now i need to hold something."

so matthew scooches a little closer and let's lilah wrap her tiny fingers around his hand and she falls asleep for real this time.

and for the first time, matthew's feeling this connection with a kid he never even saw, and he's like "i'm not letting anyone hurt you like that again, i promise."

let me know what you guys think of this :))

EDIT: this is now an au, here's the navigation page!

[sturnstvs]

fathers day

warnings: use of y/n, young parents

summary: chris has been extra stressed with work so y/n does everything in her power to make him have the greatest fathers day ever

when people ask y/n what are the best qualitys in her boyfriend she will easily say how good of a father he is. even at the young age that they became parents he was an amazing father even from the start.

a lot of people, before they got to truly know chris, thought that he was the child of the three brothers, and although that was true in the way that he was the youngest, he was one of the three brothers that had to grow up first.

in the early hours of the morning chris and y/n were enjoying their peaceful sleep. their daughter delilah was very much like chris in the sense that she was very energetic. so she easily wore out chris and y/n everyday.

the sound of an alarm went off in the room and y/n was quick to turn it off in hopes not to wake her boyfriend up. it was fathers day meaning that they were in boston visiting the boys parents. she quickly stood up heading towards the bathroom to do a few things to get herself ready for the special occasion. she went into delilah's room that was connected to chris's childhood bedroom.

when the sturniolo's original house burnt down marylou and jimmy thought it would be a good idea to add a little room for delilah in the remodel.

once the boys, y/n and delilah moved out it was perfect for when they came to visit boston every so often.

walking over towards her daughters bed she marveld at the peaceful sleeping girl, not wanting to wake her up quite yet.

"moma?" the now six year old girl asked rubbing her eyes to wake herself up

"hey baby, do you know what day it is?" y/n asked while the younger just shook her head

"its fathers day! so were going to make this day super special for your dad okay?" y/n explained to her young daughter

"so we get to get dada presents" delilah immediately bolted up hearing the possibility of that.

"something like that" y/n chuckled leaving the room so her daughter could get dressed, but not leaving to far just in case delilah needed her mom's help.

while waiting y/n herself got dressed looking over at her still sleeping boyfriend. him and his brothers went to an event the night prior so it wasn't that big of a surprise seeing him still sound asleep.

"moma, I'm ready" delilah voiced making herself known

"alright, lets go make dad a good breakfast" with that the two went downstairs seeing marylou already in the kitchen.

y/n was going to make an amazing breakfast, that she was going to surprise her boyfriend with.

y/n started preparing everything that she thought that chris would like. marylou occasionally helping, as well as delilah.

nick was the first of the triplets to join y/n into the kitchen, but not before he was dragged away by his niece.

the breakfast was ready and the other three men had still not come down to the kitchen so marylou suggested to get her husband and matt while y/n got chris, which the girl happily agreed to.

getting into chris's childhood bedroom (which just so happened to kind of be y/n's to), she saw the boys sleeping figure spread out across the mattress.

"hey baby" y/n whispered moving some hair out of his face.

chris just snuggled into her hand as a response

"happy fathers day. I made you a breakfast so come and eat" y/n told her boyfriend

"today's fathers day?" chirs tuned his body to face his girlfriend hearing that

god y/n loved his morning voice

"I always forget how hot your morning voice is" y/n commented her thought to which chris just smirked giving the girl a gentle kiss in response.

"lets go sleepy head" with that the two made there way downstairs joining the rest of the family (half of which who were barely awake)

chris was about to dive into his breakfast before y/n stopped him pointing to his already made plate of food.

"if you want more you can get more but enjoy your fathers day breakfast you deserve it" y/n smiled while kiss hugged her giving her a peck on the lips

"ewwww" was the first thing the grown-ups heard, which made them burst into laughter

"come her lilah" chris voiced opening his arms for his little girl.

"dadaaaa" delilah yelled sprinting into her fathers arms

the young girl whispered something into his ear which y/n couldn't catch but it made chris smile widely.

"oh here's your gift baby" y/n walked over towards chris handing him the bag

chris pulled out a couple tickets and her looked at them confused

"what are these?" chris asked letting delilah sit in her seat at the table

"summer smash tickets, I know your probably already invited but I thought it would be fun for us to go on a little trip without this little girl right here" y/n coed at the end tickling delilah's stomach

"why would I want to be away from this goofball?" chris joked whispering a 'thank you' to y/n before going back to his daughter

y/n gushed over this. he was amazing with delilah and their little family. and she could not be more grateful

note: ending sucks and I'm sorry for that but here's a new fic i guess. enjoy!

taglist:

@hi-7-hi

comment on my taglist to be added

[clovermine13]

It's been awhile since an IF has managed to completely take over my brain in awhile so I decided to get a drawing of my @infamous-if MC Delilah Rose, commissioned from @inorheona, who always does a fantastic job.

OC Fun Facts below

Pansexual

100% has a praise kink, she wants to explore that more but the kind of sex she has doesn't usually leave much room for conversing.

Has been wildin' in the club since she broke up with Seven, like a lot, probably to much, maybe needs therapy. Definitely needs therapy

has a very particular Pen Preference and while she will use whatever is available, she might complain. Also, prefers to write in one of her many notebooks over her notes app.

She does drink, she does do drugs (Coke or Oxy depending on her mood) but tries to stay sober and makes sure her friends get home. Also, she sleeps around and would rather do that as sober as possible.

Has definitely written lyrics on the back of a one night stand. In sharpie, she was very sorry. She always dedicates that song to that poor women.

Would kill to play a rain show. She has a thing with rain storms.

Loves to read romance novels. especially fantasy ones, ESPECIALLY spicy ones. Its trash but she loves it.

Is she still actively in love with her ex, probably, is she planning on avoiding that with every fiber of her being, absolutely.

I like to think she is part of a VERY casual FWB situation with the lead singer of another band where they meet up when they are in the same place and send each other memes. For two rockstars, its pretty wholesome.

Would absolutely love to be in a committed relationship, monogamous or otherwise but is too afraid to even try.

Wants a big family, is looking forward to being an aunt, is convinced she is going to be a horrible mother, which isn't true but she doesn't think highly of herself, also she doesn't know how to balance her music and the relationships she has that aren't directly tied to her music and having a baby scares her. (She is very careful)

Is okay with the idea of being married but doesn't think it's necessary, catch her with her lover initial around her neck, or initials tattooed on her wrist.

Is super committed and very touchy in a relationship, really enjoys PDA but wants to keep as much of her relationship private as she can, just for them.

Will eventually write love songs but hasn't written one in a long time.

Is completely unaware of how she affects people, not is a mean way, she just doesn't think she is that important outside of her music. She is sweet, just sad and a bit oblivious. She is a sweetheart she just doesn't believe you really like her.

Says she is indifferent about her parents, that's kind of true, she still wishes they liked her (Head canon wise, I think her Dad does and wants to reconnect but at this point he doesn't know how and her Mom resents Delilah, she never wanted kids and D is aware of this. )

She is Chinese on her Dads side and Portuguese on her Moms. She is First Gen American and doesn't really know he extended family.

I think friends would call her D if nicknames ever become a thing.

Would love to have pets, maybe a bird or some bunnies. But she is literally never home.

Love language is a tie between Physical Touch/ Words of Affirmation

Loves pet names.

A pacifist unless she needs to fight then she can.

I like to think she has a lot of half baked talents like her parents put her in a ton of activities to keep her busy and supervised when she was young so she can sew, tie fancy knots, put up a tent, build a fire, has basic tap/ballet, karate and can raise goats and ride a horse.

Is an absolutely mid cook. She tries but generally hates cooking.

Has everyone's things in her apartment. Like she has a spare room and in that spare room is two dressers and a closet full of the bands stuff and they can sleep there whenever.

Has a top secret email that Fans can use to get in touch with her and there is a higher chance of getting a reply. Sometimes people use it as free therapy (She is not someone who should be giving advice) or different artistic pursuits, fanart, short stories. I think she has written songs based on short stories sent to her email, she gives them credit and dedicates those songs to the author. Has she received fanfic to this email.... Yes.

Is artistic and tends to work on other projects while idle. Right now she is crocheting a baby blanket.

Has so many belts.

Favourite Colour- Green

Favourite Show- Black Mirror

Favourite Movie- The Princess Bride.

I only create one MC per game. I am not a multiple MC girlie. So she will romance everyone but as an angsty, second chance romance girl, Seven is probably gonna be her main. (Although G is a close second.)

[simsstuph]

Lawless heard the front door unlocking, he quickly sat up and turned off his R rated zombie movie he was watching for the 18th time. Delilah came in, set her keys down on the entryway table and smiled when her eyes met Lawless's. He crossed his arms, smirking.

Lawless: Sooo? How was parent teacher conferences?

Delilah: Good, all of your teachers had nothing but nice things to say.. So that's a plus.

Lawless let out a tiny chuckle: and Mr. Snark? Isn't he so cool? Did dad remember him now?

Delilah sighed: As much as we were looking forward to meeting this ever so cool Mr. Snark, he had a sudden death in the family and wasn't able to make it. He left a note for parents, seems very genuine.

Lawless hung his head, he felt so bad: Bummer. Losing family right near the holidays. I remember him saying he didn't have much family one time..

Delilah put her hands on her hips: I know honey, these things really suck. but I'm sure Mr. Snark is gonna be okay, time helps with these kind of things.

Lawless looked up at his mom: Hey, do you think maybe we can go into town tomorrow? Maybe get him a card or something for his loss? People do that right?

Delilah smiled and sat beside him: I think that's a really sweet idea Law, we can definitely do that. Maybe grab some lunch too. [she hugged him tightly].

Lawless: Where's dad?

Delilah rolled her eyes: Trying to get that stray cat to come inside.

Lawless burst out laughing: Why does he waste his time? It's been days since that thing showed up around here, it ain't coming in.

Delilah: Don't talk too much smack, you are just like your father.

Lawless smiled: True that bro.

Delilah glared at him: Call me bro again and I'll bro-ke your ass.

They both laughed.

[sanyu-thewitch05]

Hunter's daughter doing the loli dance trend

She became an internet sensation in a night and Hunter is gonna go hunting down the predators

He's making sure if his daughter becomes a child star, she'll have the best protection

A/N: Sorry, this took so long to answer. College is pilling up on me again. Also, I made Hunter's daughter a teen (15 going on 16) in this because I don't know how to write children who are really young.

"You did what?!" Hunter shrieks, waking you up.

"Hunter, what are you fussing about now?" You ask, getting off the couch.

"Come see what your daughter has danced to on that clock app!" Hunter yells, making their preteen daughter, Melody go into the kitchen.

You look at Lauren dancing and are slightly impressed she can dance so well.

"She got my moves," You say, smirking until you see Hunter's face."But, of course, the lyrics of the song are very inappropriate."

"Mom! That's so unfair! You've danced to much more inappropriate songs when you were on the majorette team when you were my age," Lauren whines, making you go still.

"Oh...true," You mumble, looking away from your eldest daughter.

"Don't use your mother's past against her. You're not going to dance to songs with lyrics like this on the internet for who knows what to save and view. In fact, I'm going to Henry to completely wipe this from the internet," Hunter says, storming out of the house.

You and Lauren look at each other and then laugh.

"How about I cut you a deal? You can still dance, but you join my old majorette team?" You offer, passing your daughter her phone.

"Deal!" Lauren exclaims, hugging you. "I wonder how long it's going to take for Dad to realize that the video of me doing the loli dance trend was in my drafts?"

"Oh, probably a while. Despite your father's job, he's not very smart. I remember when we were dating, I asked Hunter to get me a B-cup bra. He brought me a literal bra with bees on it. I laughed so hard that water spurt out of my nose. The best part was that the bra was an A-cup!" You laugh, making Lauren burst into laughter. "Oh, and then there was the time at our high school graduation, Hunter nearly fell off the front of the stage!"

You and your eldest daughter crack up and eventually stop.

"Mommy, what are we going to do for food?" Melody asks, tugging on your sleeve.

"Hmmm...how about GIRL DINNER!" You scream, making all of your daughters shriek with delight.

You give them your phone and they order their favorite dishes from their favorite restaurants. You pay for the order with Hunter's debit card and go into your room for face masks and salon care.

"Ugh! What does Elliot want now?" Lauren groans, flopping onto the bed. "Oh, Dad wants to know why there were four transactions on his debit card."

You had almost forgotten Henry has children. Elliot VanHelding, the eldest of Henry's children, goes to the same school as Lauren, and Delilah. Not only that, but he seems to fancy Lauren, which makes you worried.

"Just tell him we decided to take a girl's day off," You respond, sipping a strawberry lemonade margarita from the fridge.

"Ok, mom!" Lauren says, high-fiving you.

Hunter receives the text message and smiles a little.

"So, is the video deleted?" Hunter asks Elliot, crouching next to him as his friend's son does his magic.

"Yep! Completely erased from her drafts!" Elliot says, turning around to face Hunter.

"Drafts? So it was never published?"

"Nope."

"I've got to get back to my house."

By the time Hunter had gotten back, you, Lauren, Delilah, and Melody had locked every door, entrance, and window.

"Honey, this isn't funny! Open the door!" Hunter yells, pounding on the door.

"Sorry, babe! It's girl's night now!" You exclaim, shutting the curtains.

Hunter sees you wearing a fake scarf with cheap star-shaped sunglasses and hides a smile. Hunter grabs a pillow and blanket from the trunk and makes a bed for himself in the backseat of his car. He takes in the smell of the blanket and takes comfort in knowing that it smells like your perfume from when you went to the beach with Hunter for the summer before your senior year in college. His mind fills with summer memories, and they carry him to sleep.

[ultrakontakt]

recent dftm oc doodads feat 5, count em FIVE, new characters... Yay!

info under da cut

First is Delilah Annette Hartfield(She/they), who's a 14 y/o girl. One of the youngest hosts on the IT database, she takes her muse in stride(a lot like Wesley does!). Her endless optimism makes her a tough nut to crack for Jared's annoying ass heists to get her assimilated. Also... Her muse isn't very hostile either. She knows of most of the channels in the DFTM canon, though I think she wouldn't like Mark's bc of how negative he is :P She likes the spongebob theories though! Her and Arche watch them together.(though in dftm canon i don't think the story scenes show up in the vids, so they wouldn't suspect much).

-

Arche(She/It/That) is our second subject! Arche is Delilah's muse. Its fixation for muse-ing is scrapbooking. Which is not profitable at all, though not like Delilah cares. Arche isn't very concerned with assimilating her host, rather just, hanging out with her. Because Delilah's her friend. Delilah at least makes sure she's feeding her muse good food. Arche is very outgoing and has tried multiple times to talk to Delilah's dad, which Delilah immediately goes "My dad is gonna freak if he sees a giant tentacle creature in my closet"

-

Third up is Yvette Renee Hartfield(she/her)! Yvette was an original R&D department member and was very dedicated to her job whilst there. When she noticed a turn in the company, she wanted to quit, though the concern for her coworkers made her stay. She was very close to Ramona, as the two had similar life goals(make animals' lives better and humanely produce meat). When tasked with her muse(like all HMF employees, she got one), she didn't want to spread the spore due to the fact she KNEW it would cause others pain, but it got to the point where she nearly died from stress and ended up leaving it in her brother's(Delilah's father) garden, which Delilah ended up picking up. Yvette was later assimilated.

(i kinda ship yvette and ramona together IDK... yvette is 48 at the time of canon occurring)

-

Irina is Ramona's daughter in my Nonsenseverse story :P will copypaste her desc here

Name: Irina Diane Bynes

Age: 16

Gender: Female(She/her)

Orientation: Asexual Aromantic

Irina is the only child to Ramona. She inherited a lot of the messed up genes from when her mother got experimented on, Leaving her with kinda messed up looking limbs. Irina uses this to her advantage, being a star athlete for gymnastics. When not doing that, she helps around at the zoo her mom runs.

Irina was produced via Parthenogenesis, which I know humans can't do but since Ramona got experimented on I think she could probably do it.

-

aaaand finally we have Katherine(She/her)! She's Renard's younger sister. Her full name is Katherine Cecile Mayhew-Geist. She's a lot less human-y, taking on more muse traits than Renard does. She's nonverbal autistic and loves her older brother a lot, and loves to help with his various projects. She has a tendency to chew on her tentacle hand, and is very sweet and kind.

Katherine is 5 years younger than Renard(who's 16), so she's 11.

I like to think Carl would enjoy taking them places, like Universal or whatevs(they live in florida!!!!).

Btw Renard's middle name is Isaac.

plus general renard stupidness

[maccachibchan]

Here's the FunnyBunny Family if they were in @burrotello's TADC Boxer AU. Ever since Delilah was a baby, she's been watching her dad, Jax, defend his title in the ring from his opponents. She looks up to her dad and wants to be a champion like him when she grows up. She knows her mom, Pomni, tries to beat him off his pedestal for a while, but struggled to do so. Not only does Delilah want to become a future champion, but she also wants to avenge her mom and take him down. Even though they are a family and on good terms, Delilah would do whatever it takes to become a the best boxer in the entire world.

[nonbinary-alien25]

thanks for the tag @yourlocalegotisticalqueerishere !!

Last Song: at the time of starting this i'm currently listening to Who I Am by Citizen Soldier. at the time of finishing this, i'm currently listening to Life Is Beautiful 2017 by Sixx:A.M. both of these songs and everything i've listened to in between are on my mental health music playlist

Favorite Color: dark purple!! always dark purple. dark purple my beloved <3

Last Book: i just recently finished The FeastMakers by H.A. Clarke, which is the last book in The Scapegracers trilogy!! loved all 3 of them so much honestly, I think they may have become 3 of my favorite books. also just recently (like. yesterday) started Astrid Parker Doesn't Fail by Ashley Herring Blake (2nd book in her Bright Falls series, following Delilah Green Doesn't Care)

Last Movie: Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. i've been slowly working my way through just about everything star trek with my dad for a while now, and we took a small break from the series to get through some of the older movies.

Last Show: i've been watching 9-1-1 with my mom lately! i think we're somewhere on s6 now? i'm sure there's like a ton of other shows too but that one's the most recent since we were just watching it last night

Sweet/Spicy/Savory: definitely savory. i don't really have a big sweet tooth anymore, though i do like some sweet stuff still here and there just. in more moderation. and i don't mind Some spice but it depends on what and how much so. savory is much more my speed.

Relationship Status: so, so incredibly, hopelessly single, unfortunately.

Last Thing I Googled: Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country because i couldn't remember what number movie it was lmao

Current Obsession: Citizen Soldier, always. and my other usual ones like Legends of Tomorrow, Star Trek, TWD. The Scapegracers, kind of as well. i dunno

Looking Forward To: anything Citizen Soldier does next, my oldest friend's wedding later this year, figuring out what else to put in the empty space on my newly-decorated wall, i dunno.

no pressure tags: @forthehonorofgrey @lola-andheruniverse @chocolatemilk25 @rockford-peaches @lochjhessmonster @justpalsbeingals (and anyone else who wishes to participate)

[buttonsfleas]

I am begging you please make more head cannons for Andy Barclay and his kid 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Alright ;)

Dad!

Andy barclay x !12!daughter!delilah!reader

Dad and auntie Kyle are talking about some shit whilst I'm just listening to the Hamilton soundtrack through my earphones. I was on Non-stop and they were arguing Non-stop.

"I'm not a bad driver!" My dad says like he isn't, but he is. I'm suprised how he hasn't been arrested for suspection of a DUI yet.

"You are, dad." I say with a small smirk, but I knew I'd get in trouble.

"Thank you!" Aunt Kyle says happily with a smile. In most debates like this, I'd be on her side.

My dad was discombobulated at how I was on my aunt's side and not his.

My dad does have some pros and cons to his driving, but I just think there's more cons then pros.

As they tept talking, I kept thinking about my mother and her death. I saw her die when I was 4 and I can't belive I still remember. Her blood was gushing out of her stomach on the floor and my dad was heartbroken, I think he still is. I have nightmares from when she died. What if it happened to me? I don't think anyone could slaughter someone's daughter, but chucky would.

On the left backseat next to me was my pink bunny from when I was younger. My godmother from my mother's side got it for me when I was 2 years old and it's the only thing that's keeping me going.

We have boxes of my mom's stuff, but they're just at home. My favourite is her wedding dress when she had to marry my dad when she was 23 and he was 25. It was- wait, it is beautiful.

After a while, we got to a gestation and me and my dad just got out and leaned by the car whilst my aunt Kyle went into the convenice store.

My dad pulls my earphones out and smirks whilst I looked up at him surprisingly.

"Daaad! I was listening to Hamilton!" I say with a sad voice.

"Oh god, not that play where people from the 1800s rap! What is it with that musical anyways?" He asks with a irrated voice and smirk.

"It's a good musical!" I say innocently like I'm backing up thr musical more then my father.

"Maybe I'll have to see." He says with a sly smirk and then ruffles my hair up but I had the perfect French braid.

"Daaad! I spent 2 hours on this in the car!" I say with a sad and innocent but cute voice.

He chuckles softly and smirks and says "Just hold on a sec." And then grabs a hairbrush from the glove compartment of the car and then pulls the hair tie out of my braid and then he makes me hug him and he starts to brush it and braid it. It always felt nice when he did it for me.

I stayed still and quiet and just kept on hugging him as he braided my hair, thinking he'd take a while, but he actually did it under 4 minutes.

"Done." He said with a proud smile.

"Already!?" I ask as I look up at him whilst still hugging him.

"Yeah, kid. Think I forgot how to braid my daughter's hair?" He asked and chuckled softly.

"But I didn't know it'd be this quick! You took like 2 hours before each school day!" I ask as my suprisement turns into a smile.

"I only did that so I could spend more time with my angel." He then lifts me up and spins me around like when I was 6.

"Dad, stop!" I say whilst giggling softly and smiling as I kick around for him to stop.

"Alright, alright." He then drops me down and my aunt Kyle comes back out from the convenice store and walks over to us.

"What were you both doing?" She asks curiously, as my dad was still hugging me but I was being held up on my thighs.

"Just messing around. What's it to you?" my dad asks my aunt with a small smirk and then he kisses my check and drops me down.

"Well, here." She passes my dad black leather gloves and passes me the same.

My dad and I put on our gloves but he whispers to me "just get in the passenger seat." And I was confused.

I just nodded and got in the passenger seat and he got in the driver seat. After we both closed the doors, he leaned over and fully locked mine.

"Dad, what's going on-"

"Just trust me, baby." Hr said reassuringly.

My aunt then came over and knocked on the window after she tried opening the door and said irratatedly "haha, andy. Open the fucking door." But he wouldn't budge.

"Delilah, open the door." She said but I looked over at andy and he shook his head, so I shook my head at her but with eyes that said "I'm sorry".

As she tried getting in, my dad decided to just drive off and I felt bad but listened to the music on my earphones to drain the feelings out.

[cemeterylanes]

all roads lead back to you

chapter two - baited breath

Delilah Luccetti wakes up at 6 AM, and she does not have words to express how tired she is. Since she had gotten picked up by her dad, and her twin brothers, she feels like she has not known peace since the car accident. Since the moments before the crash with Wayne. 6 weeks - two months - had passed since then. She spent three days in the hospital, just to “make sure she was okay”, according to her father. Each day with Bobby spent chiding her about how fucking stupid it was to run off with him. His nose, or lack thereof, had kind of healed. It looked horrible. He reminded her it was something that her mom would’ve done. She felt herself seethe, but she was utterly defeated by now. No fight left in her, she succumbed to being home. She had broken a couple of ribs. But she was fine. There was just a pain in her chest. 

And his name was Wayne. 

⛓𓌹*♰*𓌺⛓

She gets up, and slams her hand down on the alarm clock. So much has changed in the last couple of months. Mainly, was her role amongst her dad and brothers. Bobby, Carl and Teddy had picked up work at a construction company. Bobby even got promoted to lead foreman. Her two brothers were dumb as rocks though, but worked underneath their father. She struggled to keep up with school, even though she still maintained straight A’s. It took all of her internal strength to keep the grades up, despite living in this hellhole. She had been given the role of her mother, with none of the respect. She was stuck cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the house. It looked better from the outside. They patched up the holes in the wall, cleaned up the yard. Neighbors even asked them for help, or brought them things now. Cookies, the occasional casserole that made Del gag. Green beans were fucking disgusting. Repainted the inside and redid parts of the house. Bobby swore he would sell the house the minute it was done, because he was tired of living in a, “shitfuck neighborhood”, and going on about how he and his children deserved more. It made her roll her eyes. What did they deserve? Is this who they were now? 

She had become very withdrawn at school. Her best friend was no longer her best friend. People spoke to her more often, after they heard about the insane tale of the time she had away from Brockton when she came back for junior year, but she didn’t reciprocate the energy. It felt like she was hit by a bus every time she woke up. Like the force of the car accident lived in her body, in her bones. She had run for president again, and won. It felt like people listened to her, but she just stayed outside of everyone’s reach in terms of being close. It was all surface level. 

In the hallways, her and Orlando had passed each other. He would smile and wave. She barely made eye contact. She ignored calls from Principal Cole. There were no repercussions for it, as there was nothing he could really do. It wasn’t like she was in any real trouble - not outside of her completely dropping out of everyone’s lives. She was invisible anyway, and had been before. No one cared who she was, except that she was the crack baby. Orlando called her blackmail. Before her summer with Wayne, she was just that. Blackmail, and crack baby. They probably made her president of the student body out of pity. But she did as she promised the year before. She still cared, but she wouldn’t let anyone see those parts of her. She was stern. Just as she was at home. Stiff. Uncomfortable. 

The school day was going by slowly, miserably slow, as she dragged herself onto her statistics class. Her feet felt like she was wearing concrete boots. A door swings open, and her eyes dart to the plaque on the door. 

MAIN OFFICE 

“Del!”

She looked up. Cole. She grimaced and kept walking. 

“Delilah! Luccetti!”

Faster. She doesn’t get very far before she feels his big, dumb sweaty hand on her shoulder. She looks up at him in disgust. “What the fuck do you want?” 

“My office, please.” His voice is firm, but he looks concerned. He gestures for her to turn around, and with little kickback, she follows his direction and she turns around, stepping into the main office - funneling herself into his office. He seemed like a different man since the summer too. He was always, or at least tried to be, as caring as he could while being able to lay down the law. Kids fighting, beating the snot out of each other. She dejectedly plops down in the chair across from the dark oak desk, looking at the nameplate on the edge of the desk. 

Principal Tom Cole.

She hears him talk briefly to the front desk lady, and her secretary. Something about being occupied for ten minutes. Then he enters the room, he sighs and sits down. 

“Would it kill you for me to get to at least see you, Del?” He sighs, rubbing his dumb, bald head. He always looked clammy and nervous. 

“Yeah, actually.” She starts dramatically scratching at her arm. “I’m fuckin’ allergic to you.” She snaps gruffly. “I didn’t wanna see you.”

“Del.” He sighs defeatedly, leaning his elbows on the desk. “I’ve been trying to see you since school started, and now it’s October.” 

“I know. You don’t leave me the fuck alone.” She muttered. Student aides, teachers, and he had tried to get her to go. She always said she would go later. She really didn’t care about his concern. She was carrying a heavy enough load without needing to take on more. “I’m doing just fine.” 

“I know you’re not.”

“How would you know?” 

“You made it to be student body president, and I barely see you. Honestly, I’m sorry - you look fuckin’ miserable, Del.”  

Del turns her head away. Tears pricked at her eyes. Bobby wouldn’t let her cry about her mom when she passed. He sure as fuck wouldn’t let her cry over Wayne. It stung - the tears in her eyes - and the salt in the wound of the situation. It hurt when she swallowed. She pulls the cuff of her black sweatshirt over her palm, and holds her face - jaw tight. 

“I know you miss him.” 

“More than missing him.” Her voice is hoarse in response. Her eyes were glassy and the teardrops rolled down her cheeks in rebellion to her silent demand to make herself stop. She was struggling to not start hyperventilating crying. She kept inhaling with no exhale. She covers her mouth, and she can’t stop crying. Principal Cole watches her break into a sob. His face turns into a pained expression as he watches this 16 year old girl cry in front of his desk. She leans forward in her seat, covering her face with the sleeves of the jacket. 

“I’m sorry, Del.” 

She doesn’t answer him. Not at first. It felt like her ribs were being crushed, broken like she had in the accident. But it hurt more. Her heart felt like it was beating so hard, or hurt so much like it had been bruised. “I can’t fuckin’ stand it. I don’t know where the fuck he is.” 

“He’s in Oc-” 

“Where the fuck in Ocala? Juvie? With his fuckin’ piece of shit mom?” She hit the edge of his desk with her fists, the little trinkets toppling over. “Where, Principal Cole? When the fuck does he come home?” Her sad demeanor was exchanged with a seething, angry exterior as she stared holes in his bald head. 

“I don’t know that answer.” He admits. He isn’t scared. He’s just sad for her. 

“I can’t fucking take it. Even if he is in juvie, I can’t go see him. I can’t leave my fuckin’ house except for my godamn community service, work and school. I feel like fuckin’ Rapunzel in her fuckin’ tower and my dad is Mother Gothel.” Her breath shudders as she speaks, slowly blowing air out of her mouth - trying to stabilize herself. “Y’know? Fuckin’ 16 years old and I’m chained to the post of my shithole house with my moron brothers and my dad.” 

Principal Cole winces at her lashing out. 

“Is this what you fuckin’ wanted?” She sniffles, snatching a tissue out of the Kleenex box off of his desk. She wipes her eyes and blows her nose. 

“I wanted to tell you that I’m here for you. I know - I know you might not want to talk to me - but I care about you. You’re one of my students. Wayne is - was - is one of my students too.” He looks at her, and she can feel he cares, but part of her wants to push him away like she has with everyone else. Her best friend, Orlando - everyone. She preferred to be withdrawn now. Less problems, less hassle with her family and interpersonally.

 She wanted to stay home from school every day. Not with Bobby calling in randomly to see what class she was in, or calling her up to the office to talk to her over the phone. It was humiliating. It was grueling to take the hall pass just to go talk on the phone and say, “yes dad, I’m in gym” or “yes dad, I was at lunch”. To go home, do the metric fuckton of homework she was assigned and the duties she signed up for being student body president. Then cooking dinner, making their lunches for their work day. Laundry, tidying up. She resented that the washer didn’t make a little song when it was finished. Not to mention the community service and truancy watch she had to deal with under the watchful eyes of Sheriff Gellar and Jay. Jay would just talk to Del about what soup places he recently reviewed while she picked up garbage off of the streets. Sheriff Gellar would muse about second chances when she met with him for truancy checks. He would talk about that out there somewhere, this was Wayne’s second chance. His second chance was juvie, going straight and being put on an honest path. It drove her crazy when he said - or anyone for that matter - “I know it must be hard”.

No. No one knew how hard it really was. 

She worked on weekends, waiting at her beloved pizza spot - cleaning tables, taking orders. All transportation done by Carl, Teddy and Bobby. It was that, or she had to call them the minute she got anywhere. It was smothering, asphyxiating how tight of a grasp the Luccetti men had on Del. 

⛓𓌹*♰*𓌺⛓

Time continued to pass. 6 weeks became 12. 18. The old year had passed by, and Brockton rang in the new one. Spring came, unforgiving - and April was now. Her faith in Wayne was wavering, fading even. She didn’t know if she was ever going to see him again. 

All she could do was wait and see. Wait and give Wayne a second chance. Maybe he would come back straightened out. The thought of that made her uncomfortable. What would that look like? Who was Wayne ‘straightened out’? Who was Wayne, if not her Encino Man? The boy with a hidden heart of gold like that Trans Am they so desperately tried to save. The boy who fought for justice, no matter where he left destruction in his wake. No matter if they were strangers, or people he knew - that was Wayne. Full of guts and determination. Who was Wayne if not that? The thought of the boy with the pretty dark locks and knuckle scars coming back stuffy and stiff made her stomach churn. 

It’s the morning of April 15th, and she still waits. She would wait, but with baited breath. Soon the school year will end, come June. She feared who they would even be by then.

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

In "Born This Way" which ones of your Glee ocs wear the white t-shirts and what it's written on them? 💚 (I'm NOT rewatching that episode right now, nooo)

There are more ocs who don't have them yet but these are the ones that I know for sure (+ an edit about it)

Abbie (bisexual): Abbie tries very hard to be out and proud but being outed was a terrible experience for her and she really wasn’t planning on coming out as long as she lived in Lima. She had still been coming to terms with herself when she got outed and it’s left her at a point where she still just doesn’t know how to be comfortable in her own skin, no matter how much she pretends to be

Betty (pretty face): this one seems contradictory to the theme but Betty’s biggest insecurity is that she’s nothing more than a pretty face. Her parents expected her to be seen and not heard, and there was always a lot of pressure from her mother in particular to look perfect at all times (especially before they moved, when Quinn was Lucy Caboose, Betty had to be “the pretty one”) and she’s afraid that people only see her as pretty face and nothing more, but she’s also afraid that that’s actually all that there really is to her

Cece (nothing special): Cece used to think she was special, until she joined Glee. But after being shoved into Rachel’s shadow for so long, Cece is starting to feel like she’s just another small-town girl with big dreams and like she’s not actually anything special

Christie (wallflower): Christie loves Kurt more than anything in the world, but when your brother is the most out, loud, flamboyant person in the entire town, it’s very hard to step out of that shadow, and Christie really struggles to

Colton (used goods): Colton tries so hard not to be ashamed. He tries so so hard to embrace who he is and to not let McKinley being McKinley make him hate himself. There’s only one thing that he really hates about himself, only one thing that could ever go on his shirt, but he can’t do it. He tries to make it, he really does, but he ends up having a panic attack and can’t do it. Artie makes it for him instead, gives it to him, and tells him that he doesn’t have to wear it if he doesn’t want to, he’s got a blank shirt for him if that’s what he needs, but that he also doesn’t need to feel ashamed for anything and that he’s the only person in the glee club who sees himself that way

Daphne (professional disaster): Daphne is a whole ass mess and has been for a long time, but a whole lot of that is the result of a lot of people in her life realizing that as long as they keep her making headlines, they keep making money, so all of these people who were supposed to be looking out for her best interest and for her career turned her into tabloid fodder and threw her to the wolves, and when it finally blew up, they hung her out to dry, and she still struggles with the ramifications of that (battling the addiction that they started, not being able to trust that anyone genuinely has her best interest at heart, etc

Delilah (self destructive): Delilah got kicked out of her fancy arts boarding school with a full ride because she keyed a teacher’s car… she doesn’t mean to ruin things but like Puck, she tends to struggle with self control when she doesn’t have someone to keep her on track, and screws herself over a lot in the process Demi (viral mess): hers is kind of a given, the lowest moment of her life was literally filmed and went viral and she can’t go anywhere without people seeing her and bringing up that video

Jeremy (unwanted): Jeremy’s parents always sucked, his mom was absentee when he was a baby and his dad wasn’t even in the picture until he was five, his uncle basically raised him from age 5 onwards, and some of his most vivid memories are of Jesse playing music for him as loud as he could to try to drown out chad & Johanna’s fights and chad accusing Jeremy of not even being his, but also only a few weeks before born this way (in biota, also the week of his fifteenth birthday), his parents officially signed custody over to his uncle josh without even telling him

Joy (mistake): Mr Schue didn’t mean it in the way that it came out, and he definitely didn’t mean for Joy to hear it, but he did call her the biggest mistake of his life and she did hear it

Kendall (lost cause): Kendall isn’t the most book smart (but she is very people smart and smarter than people realize) but most people see her being sweet and bubbly and optimistic and take it to mean that she’s stupid and naive, and she’s lost track of how many people (especially teachers) have called her a lost cause

Mac (insignificant): Mac knows that he and the band were initially only recruited to glee to be their band (and they didn’t even want to be a part of glee, they only joined because it was a way to play music while at school), but even now that they’ve been actual glee members for almost a year and even though he literally led one of their regional songs the year before and helped write all of their original songs for s2 regionals, he still feels like the rest of the club doesn’t really see him and like if he stopped showing up, no one would even notice until they needed him for a song

Marilyn (pity project): Despite having now been friends with the unholy trinity for over a year, Marilyn still remembers that they only became friends with her because she was useful to them and that they only helped with her makeover and making her popular so that they wouldn’t be seen with a loser, and on bad days she still gets very in her own head about how that’s still the only reason they’re friends with her

Roxie (second rate): Roxie has spent her entire high school career feeling like she’s always second to either Quinn or Rachel. Rachel gets more solos in glee, Quinn beat her for head cheerio, her boyfriend cheated on her with Quinn, etc, and she feels like people only choose her when the others aren’t an option

Sadie (rexie): Sadie has struggled with anorexia since middle school

[storytellersumayyah]

a permanent state of being

please read the trigger warnings before proceeding, they are more important than ever

tw: cancer, child death (cancer), funerals, intrusive thoughts, suicidal ideation, passively suicidal behaviours, suicidal thoughts, active wishes for death, untreated and minimised grief, weight comments, disordered eating, eating disorder behaviours/thoughts, desire for sickness in order to be loved, sexualisation of teens and invalidating responses towards this, panic attacks, vomit, telling a suicidal person to kill themselves, graphic depictions of child abuse

spoilers: tristan starts to develop eating disorder habits. victoria tells him he isn't capable of this. he realises he wants to die. when he tells his mother, she drives him to the beach and tells him to walk into the ocean- he cannot swim. she also drives dangerously and ignores him crying for her to slow down. there is no happy ending- james does not intervene and tristan continues to suffer from suicidal thoughts, ideation and disordered eating

if you need to skip this one, do not proceed. it is here because victoria is not a good person, and because i need to stop shying away from darker works that are appropriately tagged. i love you. there is also a better solution, and you will be okay.

Tristan learnt what death was at the age of seven. Or rather, he learnt the reality of death. Prior to that insultingly and uncharacteristically sunny day in September, death had been something he was aware of but did not know. Death was what happened to the parents of the children in the films. It was why he the first people he wanted to die were his parents. It was the only way he could become a hero. He told his father this at some point. He had ruffled his hair and said he didn’t actually want that. His mother stared him down and said that was a horrible thing he should never repeat. When he cried, she embraced him and explained it properly. And although he still didn’t understand what death was, he realised she was right, and he stopped wishing for people to die.

He was five when that conversation took place.

At seven, he would wish people dead once more. And this time, he would have slightly more understanding of what he was saying, but it would still be childish and unreal.

It started with whispers in the classroom. He had been invested in his book, but the sounds shook his concentration. He had looked up to shush whoever was talking during his favourite time of the day, but he realised it was actually his teacher talking to someone he’d seen with other students but never said hello to. When they realised he was staring at them, they both softened.

“Hey Tristan,” Miss Lovewell said.

He frowned, unsure if he was going to get into trouble for talking during silent reading. She gestured at him to go to her desk. He dog-eared the page and pushed his chair in before standing before her, hands loose by his side and chin tilted up the way his father always instructed him to. She smiled at him, and he relaxed slightly.

“Mr Cadence is going to take you to a different room for a few minutes, and then your mom and dad will come and pick you up, is that okay? You’ll be back in a few days. You’re not in any trouble because you are a good student who always does what he can, so don’t worry about any of that, okay?”

He didn’t want to leave, but it was clear he had no choice. He wanted Jonathan to pat his shoulder- the way he always did when he didn’t want a hug- but Jonathan wasn’t there, so he had to be brave alone. It wasn’t easy, but he managed to nod. And when Mr Cadence held his hand out, giving him the option to take it but without any force, he stuffed his own inside his pockets and trailed after (he did take them out when they were going down the stairs, because even though Adelaide said he was, he wasn’t stupid).

“Why am I here?” He asked. The room looked like the one Jonathan had described to him. But he wasn’t Jonathan.

“Tristan, you were close to Delilah, weren’t you?”

Delilah was a student in the year above him. She wasn’t in school that often because she constantly had to go to hospital appointments or stay home because she wasn’t well enough to come in, but when she did come in, he spent all the time he could with her. Everyone thought he had a crush, but that wasn’t it. He just didn’t know when he’d next get her, so he needed to make it worth it.

He shrugged. “I guess.” He wanted to be more confident, but he didn’t want Mr Cadence accusing him of having a crush.

“Do you remember how she sometimes had to take time off?”

“She’s not a bad student,” he immediately protested.

“No of course not. She was one of the best, given the circumstances.”

“Was?” Victoria had taught him to raise questions whenever someone changed the way they were talking. It wasn’t normal to use the past tense when talking about a child.

“Oh, Tristan. I’m so sorry. As you know, Delilah was very unwell. And sometimes when people get very ill, they can’t get better.”

“So Delilah’s not coming back to school?”

“I’m very sorry. She can’t. Delilah went to sleep last night, and she won’t wake up now. She’s gone to a place where there’s no hurt, and no pain, and she’s better.”

As a teen, he would appreciate the lack of religious talk. As a child, it would have been the one thing that made it make sense.

But he’d heard of the place with no hurt and no pain. “She’s in heaven?”

Mr Cadence seemed taken aback, but he nodded regardless. “Yes. She is.”

“So she’s dead?”

“She’s passed away, Tristan. I’m very sorry. Do you want to sit down? I’ll stay with you until your parents here, and we can-“

“I hate you,” he shouted. “You’re supposed to help people! Why didn’t you help her?”

Mr Cadence didn’t say anything. He just nodded.

“I wish you were dead instead,” he spat, not quite understanding what dead even meant, but still aware it wasn’t something you were meant to say.

“Tristan! You cannot say that!” Mr Cadence shouted. Tristan narrowed his eyes and decided he really did hate him.

He refused to talk to his parents on the way home. Everyone always said you were meant to go to adults when you needed help. Everyone always said they could fix everything. But they hadn’t helped Delilah. They hadn’t fixed her.

He kept thinking she would come back. The funeral didn’t make sense to him. All the funerals in the books and on the screen were black and sad. Delilah’s was fun. There was a casket, and he got to put a delilah on it for her. But then there were balloons and teddy bears, and it felt like she was really there with them, celebrating her life and smiling.

At nineteen, when he attended the funeral of an adult, he would find Delilah’s parents on social media. He would express his gratitude for how they had celebrated Delilah because of the children, and they would tell him that was all they had wanted to hear.

But then days turned into weeks turned into months and Delilah never came back. And he realised she never would. But his parents didn’t offer any comfort. And his school stopped his appointments with Mr Cadence after he refused to go into the room twice. But it wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk about Delilah. He just didn’t want to talk to Mr Cadence because he hated him. But it was too late, so he just took the cues to be quiet and forget that Delilah had ever been a part of his life.

He did learn why he wasn’t meant to say he wanted people dead, but he was still so angry that he didn’t think he was wrong for saying it.

At fifteen, he grew terrified. He’d left for Eros Academy, and he’d won the crown. Mr Carter loved him. His boyfriend had been as awkward as him, and they hadn’t gone very far. The lights had been off. He hadn’t had to look at his body. But he couldn’t help but spiral about what would happen when things went further with someone. Or when the lights were on.

He didn’t deserve to feel insecure about his body. And he knew there was nothing to be insecure about. But when he looked in the mirror, he could already see it starting to change. If it changed, he wouldn’t be as desirable. He would have to rely on something other than his looks to be charming, and he wasn’t sure he could be anything beyond arm candy. Not outside Eros Academy that is.

It worsened when he went back during the Christmas holidays. As much as he hated the stares his parents colleagues sometimes gave him, they had stopped being sympathetic as he got older. Apparently, he was supposed to appreciate it. His mother had said he was lucky it only started once he turned fourteen. His father had looked uncomfortable but not challenged her.

He was awkwardly sitting at the company Christmas party his mother had taken responsibility for hosting. Nobody had brought their children, but he wouldn’t be able to leave until after dessert when everyone started drinking. He hoped his mother wouldn’t drink enough to actually become drunk. His father hadn’t drunk since that fateful day, so he wasn’t worried about him.

“Are you having a good time at that school of yours?” Someone asked.

Tristan nodded. It always weirded him out, the fact that everyone knew he was just a school kid, but still looked at him the way they did. His mother glared at him and he swallowed. “Yes. It’s lovely there.”

“I can tell. You’ve gained weight,” they commented.

He suddenly felt nauseous. He dropped his fork and pushed his plate away. “I suppose.”

He couldn’t allow his body to change. If his body changed, then he wouldn’t be pretty. Nobody would want him. And then he would have nothing to give anyone. James awkwardly intervened in the conversation, but it was too late.

Maybe, if he stopped eating, he would get sick. And maybe if he got sick, his parents would feel guilty and they would stick up for him again. Maybe they would love him more.

It all came to a head at lunch a few days later.

“Stop picking at your food,” Victoria said.

He put his fork down. “I’m not hungry.” It was a lie, but he needed to test his limits. Needed to see how far he had to go before someone noticed.

“Yes you are. This attempt at developing an eating disorder is pathetic and attention-seeking. People make comments about bodies all the time. You’re going to need to learn to ignore them,” Victoria said.

He swallowed. “I’m not trying to develop an eating disorder. I just don’t want my body to change.”

“Laurie, it’s okay if it does. You won’t be a teenager forever,” James said, much softer.

Victoria seemed to realise what she’d done. “That’s what I meant.”

It wasn’t, and they all knew it, but Tristan ate his lunch, even if it made him nauseous. He ate less at dinner as compensation. But because he cleared his plate, nobody commented, and he realised that he could maintain his beauty without raising suspicions if he was careful enough.

It was an on and off habit. It was easier to maintain at home. At school, Adelaide burst into tears and asked him to eat properly because she didn’t want him to end up in the hospital or develop a heart condition. Tristan had wanted to say she was being dramatic, but he knew the reality wasn’t what anyone aimed for when they started, so he’d promised and done his best. When his eating started to get bad, he would go to her.

That safety net didn’t exist at home. And it scared him, how easy it was to just slowly and passively destroy his body. But it also felt good, to know that he could make himself so sick through nothing more than deprivation.

His dad seemed to notice though, and he wouldn’t leave until he’d eaten enough, even when he didn’t want to do it. So he stopped trying to make himself unwell. The attention he received from it wasn’t worth it, because it was just more lectures and even less sympathy.

When he started eating normally, the way he always had before people made comments, Victoria seemed to relax. Tristan tried to accept that as her love, but it didn’t feel like enough. It never felt like enough, which meant that it must have been a reflection of him and nobody else.

The pressure kept getting worse though. Both in school and at home. It wasn’t enough that he was a Heartbreaker. He had to be the best Heartbreaker, because he was the Nightingale heir. And even when he was the best, he still needed to do more. Still needed to prove himself as a Nightingale. As someone worthy of Mr Carter’s mentoring, officially and unofficially.

Adelaide supported him the best she could, but they both knew allowances would be made for her. They would not be made for him. And Jonathan was too sweet, too fragile, too broken by whatever had happened to him at the start of their first year to offer any advice. And as much as Tristan wanted to ask what had happened, he knew the answer deep down. And he knew that, if nothing else, the Jonathan that emerged from that room would be one that would survive.

That was all that mattered. Surviving.

But then the summer came and went. His second year started, and he was drowning. The first years seemed so young, and he didn’t know how he was meant to break them. The older students were finally unlocked, even if he was still a few months shy of sixteen, but some of the stares made him feel like he was back in the manor, even if they were almost the same age.

He blew out sixteen candles and wanted to throw up. There was nothing stopping anyone anymore.

He went home for Christmas, and the feelings only worsened. He went back to school, and everything felt wrong. He wanted to claw his skin off. He wanted to become so sick that everyone would whisper, and he would be in the hospital. He wanted to be with Delilah.

It was only when he realised that he missed Delilah, and he wanted to be with her, even if he didn’t believe in anything after death, that he found the words to express how he felt. He wanted to die.

And it wasn’t an exaggeration. It wasn’t because he wanted control, or because he wanted things to change and he didn’t have the power to do so. It wasn’t because he just desperately needed a break from everything and everyone. Because breaks were temporary. Change was possible, limited as it may have been.

He wanted something permanent.

He wanted to die.

At sixteen and three months, he realised that he had never wanted someone dead before. He had wanted them to go far away from him and all that he loved, but he had not wanted them dead. And then he wanted to go back in time and take himself away because he was the first person he had ever wanted to kill, and surely that wasn’t fair.

When Mr Carter asked him what was wrong, he said he was tired. He told Jonathan he wasn’t sleeping well. He told Adelaide it was nothing a heartbreak wouldn’t fix. And then he dumped his boyfriend. They were nice enough to act like they hadn’t seen it coming, and Tristan wondered how many of his classmates would attend his funeral. Would the Heartbroken rejoice the way the people of Oz had? Would his parents try and celebrate his life the way Delilah’s had?

Nobody knew he wanted to die. He knew that was what he wanted, but it still hurt. That even though people cared about him so much, they couldn’t see that he didn’t want to be there anymore.

Or maybe they did. Jonathan sent him random quotes, claiming they were so awful he had to share them, and sometimes they made Tristan smile. Not because they were good- Jonathan was right in how bad they were, but because he was making an effort. Adelaide would constantly talk about plans for the future, and he would chime in with his own ideas before remembering he wasn’t supposed to want that. Even Mr Carter would talk about his excitement for Tristan to become a senior.

And in those moments, he would think that perhaps, he didn’t want to die. But then those moments would pass and the desire would come back full force, no matter how aware people may have been.

He didn’t say the words.

Not until his mother was driving them back for spring break. She had turned up without his father, who apparently had a business meeting so important it couldn’t be rescheduled or delayed. Tristan had bit back his response of how James would have known in September when his spring break started, so he could have accounted for that when he set the date and time.

They were a third of the way home, and Tristan was resolutely staring out the window.

“What exactly is wrong with you?” Victoria asked.

Tristan didn’t know what he was supposed to say. But this was his mother. So against every instinct telling him no, he was honest.

“I want to die,” he said. “That’s what’s wrong.”

She didn’t even brake. She turned to look at him for half a second, and then she looked back at the road. It was completely empty, and Tristan’s heart sunk. He had finally told his mother, the one person who was always supposed to side with him, and she couldn’t even face him.

He wanted to throw up. Or jump out of the car. They were moving relatively quickly, it would at least break a bone.

They were moving quickly. But it wasn’t a highway. It was a residential area.

“Mom?” He asked, voice shaky.

Victoria didn’t look at him. But she did clench her jaw. And she pushed harder on the accelerator.

Tristan felt his heart racing, his palms sweating. He had never been so terrified. His mother was a good, safe driver. She knew the speed limits.

“Mom, what are you doing?”

She still didn’t answer. He tried to fling his door open, if only so she would brake and yell at him, if only so something would happen that meant he could prove to himself that she wasn’t going insane, that she wasn’t trying to kill them both because surely not, surely, surely not, but she had locked them. As though he was a difficult child. And maybe he was.

She wasn’t slowing down.

“Mom, if someone or something came into the road, you’d cause an accident,” he said, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible.

It was ridiculous, but he was suddenly grateful he’d forgotten to drink anything that day.

She slowed down slightly, which put her on the speed limit, and he let himself exhale shakily. But then she suddenly turned left, completely ignoring the route back to the manor, and he was once again left reeling.

“Where are you taking us?”

Victoria didn’t speak. Instead, she took a few more turns and pulled into a car park. He was still shaking when she slammed her door shut, the noise only making him jump more. She unlocked his door. Tristan tried to hide his fear, because this was his mother, and he wasn’t supposed to be scared of her, but it was impossible.

“Get out.”

His hands were shaking too much to undo his seatbelt. Victoria leant down and pushed the button, rougher than ever. His legs weren’t cooperating either. She grabbed his arm and pulled him out, not even caring when he stumbled.

“What are we doing?”

He should have known she wouldn’t answer, but it still angered him when she didn’t respond. She didn’t let go of his arm either, just pulled him along like a ragdoll. She never faltered, never slowed down, even as Tristan kept stumbling and almost had to jog to keep up with her.

They were at the beach. The sand was getting in his shoes, and he was almost shocked by empty it was. But then he cursed at himself for being so foolish. It was a Thursday in December. And because he had left early, the other schools wouldn’t have even finished for the day, let alone for the year. So it made sense that there were no witnesses.

Victoria stopped at the edge of the sand.

Tristan watched the waves coming in and out. They were so rough. Too strong. It was almost scary to know that even the strongest swimmers would be overpowered by something that was needed to keep everyone alive.

“Walk into it,” his mother said.

Tristan felt the ground disappear beneath his feet and solidify into something unbreakable. He felt the words process as they fell on deaf ears. He felt real and disconnected from his own body. He felt his heart shatter all over the beach and stitch itself into something that could never be broken, because surely not. Surely he had misheard.

“I can’t swim,” he whispered.

“Exactly.”

He found the courage- or maybe it was fear- to look at his mom. There was no sympathy on her features. There was nothing to suggest she was joking. Nothing to imply that she was just teasing him. She was being deadly serious.

“What?” There was nothing else he could say. No other words. Nothing was sufficient, but he needed to say something, so he said something pathetic.

“If you want to die so badly, drown.”

“I don’t-“ he did want to die. But he didn’t want to drown in the sea.

“Exactly. You don’t want to die. You don’t want to kill yourself. When it comes down to it, you will always choose survival.”

He wanted to explain that he did want to die, he just didn’t want to do it himself. Didn’t want it to happen so violently.  But he couldn’t. Because he was scared. That if he did, his mother would push him herself and only rescue him when it was just a second away from too late.

Instead, he turned on his foot and walked straight to the car. He felt sick getting in. His leg shook the entire journey home, and he refused to look out the window. But Victoria kept drivingly safely. So safely that he almost believed he had hallucinated the entire incident. Until a car suddenly pulled out and she braked, seconds away from a collision and the fear came back full force.

He made it through the door, and then he threw up. James appeared as he tried to stand, legs too weak to support his body as he fell back down, narrowly missing the wet spot.

“Tristan? Are you okay?”

He nodded, even though he clearly wasn’t. “Fine.”

“He felt carsick,” Victoria said.

James frowned. Tristan hadn’t thrown up in years. He also hadn’t felt carsick since he was a child. “That’s strange.”

“Very. James, you’ll clean it up won’t you? I have a meeting in fifteen minutes.”

James nodded, not even looking up as he rubbed circles on Tristan’s back. It was supposed to be comforting. It made Tristan hate him more. He should’ve been there. If James had been there, Victoria would have never risked their lives. If James had been there, she would’ve attempted to comfort him the way parents were supposed to.

“Can you stand up?” James asked.

Tristan stood and went to get the mop.

“Hey, hey, don’t worry. I’ll do it. You just go brush your teeth and lie down okay? I’ll bring you some toast in a moment,” he said.

Tristan couldn’t help it. He started crying.

“Hey, no, it’s okay. I know you feel icky, but it’s okay. Let’s get you out of these clothes yeah?”

He shook his head. “I don’t care about the clothes. I don’t care about the sick. Dad, I’m so tired.”

“I know. I know.”

His dad cradled the back of his head, even though Tristan knew he smelt like vomit, and it just made him cry harder.

“I want to learn how to swim,” he said.

James pulled away. “Laurie. Is there something you want to tell me?”

Everything. He wanted to tell his dad everything. “No.”

His dad didn’t believe him. He also didn’t push. Tristan didn’t know which was worse. But the next day, his dad found a swimming class for him. He went everyday for the whole of Christmas break, never allowing his mom to take him. She clearly thought he was dramatic, but she didn’t say anything. If James realised what had transpired, he never let them know.

And as soon as Tristan could swim, he completed further training to become a lifeguard. Mr Carter had been telling him to get a summer job. His previous summers, he’d interned at one of the businesses and worked in the ice cream shop where the pool was. But they were always short on lifeguards, and if he knew how to save someone else from drowning, then he could do it for himself too.

When it was time for him to go back to school, Victoria was holding the keys.

He froze in the driveway and she rolled her eyes before handing them to James, who just opened her door and then got in the driver’s seat.

He never told anyone what happened.

He just continued to want to die.

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