#does Anybody know what im talking about i feel like im losing my mind

[teddydeer]

cottagecore? back in my day we only had humble plant blogs

[adilynnyuri]

I hope this isnt trauma dumping or sm but i just needed to get this out and also get some advice and i think i really like ur advice. So i have been jn a relationship w my bf for 2 years now and i love him with my heart and soul and we plan to get married ( ee are still young but we see that as the futuregoal) so up tntil a few months back i used to just go to random s*x chat groups and something and would share my nudes nd just stuff like that and would also watch p*rn .. these are both things that me and my bf would a 100% consider cheating and if he did this to me i would kill myself out of sorrow. I absolutely hate myself and am disgusted at myself i was distracted for a little while with my exams but now they are over and now im crying all the time again just thinking about what i did to the boy i love the most. At the time i didnt think much of it and at first i would just talk w people but slowly i started sharing nudes and i did this a couple of times until i realized a few months back how wrong it is. I have no idea how i didnt realise how wrong this is?Up until this i was a really good person i dont think ive ever hurt anybody and i am very nice also but now idk i just hate myself and everything about me .Every day whenever i think aboyt this i cant help but cry and think there really isnt anything else i can do. Of course i have changed and wouldnt think of doing such a thing again but still the fact that i did it in the first place makes me want to die.

Ik its so selfish but i cant keeo thinking that he will do sm like this to me also and that ill get my karma. Does karma really even exist and how do i get myself to atop thinking this now i always suspect him of cheating and talking to other girls. Hes done sm similar to cheating to me but nothing on this level. What he did is nothing ckmpared to what i did.

And in the context of manifesting, should i manifest that none of this ever happened and for me to be a really nice person or shoukd i manifest that this completely gets erased from my memory or what?? This also messes up my manifestion so much i cant helo hut tell myself that i dont deserve good things as im a bad person . Please help. If youre not comfortable answering this then im sorry for wasting ur time

Hii love!

BABE CALM DOWN! I UNDERSTAND YOU!!

I totally understand you and your situation but I am here to help you and to remind you THAT YOU DIDN'T AND WILL NEVER DO ANY MISTAKES!

First of all, WHATEVER HAPPENS REMEMBER!

Don't EVER LOSE HOPE!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO'S CREATING BOTH GOOD/BAD SITUATIONS THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES!!

You are the MAIN CHARACTER! YOU NEVER FACE ANY PROBLEMS!!

And imo Idgaf to karma. I don't even consider it's real. BUT I WILL USE IT TO MY ADVANTAGE BY AFFIRMING THAT WHOEVER TRIES TO HARM ME IN ANY WAYS THEY WILL COMPLETELY FACE THE WORST.

I understand that you feel guilty about your activities! But! NEVER LET IT TAKE CONTROL OVER YOU! AND DON'T THINK YOU ARE BAD PERSON OR SOMETHING!!

You are limitless and you can do anything!

Until you don't hurt anyone in the name of manifestation, YOU ARE NEVER A BAD PERSON OR DOING ANY BAD!

⭐I will give you an example from my life!

My success in revising an embarrassing situation!

Once I did something very embarrassing like so embarrassing I just wanted to k!ll myself💀 but then I thought why should I do that to myself? I was born in this world to be happy and cherished 24/7! so I just affirmed robotically that NOTHING BAD HAPPENED AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT AND MY DP WHO WITNESSED THAT FORGETS IT TOO! (It was very tough for me too! The shit which I did kept popping up in my mind, BUT I DIDN'T GIVE MUCH ATTENTION TO THAT AND KEPT AFFIRMING!)

Well it just took me 1 day! One full day of robotic affirmations! LITERALLY THE VERY NEXT DAY EVEN I FORGOT AND MY DP TOTALLY FORGOT!! I WAS SO SO HAPPY!

Suggestion for you! 💕

I know it's so tough for you to affirm totally against of what happened, but trust me! JUST AFFIRM! YOU ARE SO POWERFUL LOVE! JUST REVISE SAYING,

"I never did anything bad and I am never guilty"

I AM BEING 1000000% SURE WHATEVER YOU WANT WILL HAPPEN. WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO CHANGE, WILL CHANGE! MORE LIKE, IT HAS ALREADY CHANGED !!

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

[quirkle2]

i'm sad so im gonna talk about dimple in the anime world domination arc and how he makes me a little ill

besides the divine tree arc, bc that's obviously where he rly shines, i think the wd arc is where we see the most Genuine Dimple. we see him just earnestly helping out any way he can during this whole thing, doing his absolute best to keep mob alive and anybody the kid cares about to boot. and Yeah, he has a motive to help the kid bc he's trying to earn his trust to manipulate him, but he Knows mob trusts him already (see mogami arc). he doesn't have to keep this up. i dont think dimple even has any of that on his mind at the time.

there's a couple lines in this arc from dimple that feel like they come straight from his soul and i never stop thinking about them. i'll talk about The Scene in a minute but

when they meet up with reigen and the others in the hideout, dimple does not have to say "let him rest, i'll fill you in," but he does. when mob is unconscious and vulnerable dimple does not have to protect him, but he does. when mob is fighting minegishi dimple does not have to stay—hell, when mogami shows up, somebody that dimple seems very afraid of, he does not have to stay, but he does. and when mob goes up that tower to confront serizawa and toichiro, dimple accompanies him, not rly bc reigen asks him to, but bc he seemed like he was planning on it from the start with that little "i know i know" that sounds so halfheartedly bothered

he doesn't have to do really Anything that he does in wd arc, and yet he's there and helping, and while you can argue that a lot of it might've been done just to keep mob alive and dimple in his favor, i think the majority of it was instinctual and real

mogami arc seemed like a turning point for dimple and mob's relationship, bc mob truly and completely put his life and wellbeing into dimple's hands and dimple's hands alone. dimple cracks some joke abt his uglier intentions and mob simply stares and says "i'm sure it'll be fine," and dimple visibly does not know how to react to this. like reigen says later: this is the first time somebody has put so much trust in him. dimple has No Idea what to do w this, and the sheer kindness of it makes him hesitate to take advantage of the kid

the fact that dimple is able to possess mob at all during wd arc goes against what we've been told before about espers and their mental barriers, which (and i believe this is touched on in the manga w more explanation but i haven't read it) shows just how much trust mob has in dimple. his mental barriers are already off 24/7 for the guy. dimple could probably possess him whenever the fuck he wanted

Something changed in dimple's mind between mogami arc and wd arc, and that's further proven by a line of his in s3. it's been a while since i've watched this part so correct me if i'm wrong but i think dimple says smth about forgetting that his original goal had been to become god. that he lost sight of that somewhere along the way, and just stopped thinking about it. even during divine tree arc, toward the end, he says smth about "has being around the unmotived shigeo caused me to lose sight of my goals and ambitions?" at some point dimple just completely dropped that goal and started being a genuine friend w no ulterior motives. started embracing that trust he's been given, and not letting it go to waste

yes, dimple half-lied to calm him down after the fire, but he tells reigen that he has reason to believe what he said was true. and when reigen comments that mob would hate him if he Knew he lied, dimple's reaction is Genuine Remorse. that face is not one of "damn my evil schemes r falling apart. aw drat" or "ohmy god i'm going to be exorcised" that is the face of a guy who feels real and honest regret and guilt over even the Thought of his friend hating him. that is a guy who shrinks into himself at the idea of mob not calling him a friend anymore

and so.when mob runs to his parents' room and That Scene happens, dimple's first and genuine response is to scream at mob to look away, shigeo! look away! protecting the kid, protecting his innocence, bc no kid should have to look at something so horrible, and dimple Cares about this kid. he doesn't know when he started caring, but he cares now, and in a dire situation like this, dimple's knee-jerk reaction is to comfort and protect this boy, not take advantage of him. do u understand how important this scene is to me.

this rly has nothing to do w the story itself but i am an English Dub Enjoyer and dimple's va is Outstanding, especially when he voices that look away, shigeo! look away! it sounds so panicked, so desperate—there's rly nothing in the rest of the show that sounds quite like it bc it's so horribly despairing and pleading. he just wants shigeo to look away, to not stare at his family's burning faces. it's a devastatingly raw command that burns just like the walls do. that line and its delivery is so haunting to me

[kathysturniolo]

Understand you.

description: a teenage girl, February Martin, struggling with mental health and addiction who hates talking about her feelings. she likes the fact that nobody notices. however, her best friend, Matt, starts to realize more and more that she's losing herself.

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

"Feb.."

"Feb, wake up."

"February.."

"Feb! "

   My eyes flickered open. I heard Sarah's voice. I looked at her. The light burned into my pupils.

"Ms. Tilson just asked you a question."

"I-I'm sorr- what? " I lifted myself up. My arms were numb.

"I asked you to identify this triangle. February. "

My eyes fixated on the board. It was blurry. I looked around and everyone's eyes were plastered to me.

"I- um- I don't know." My nails dug into my arm. I heard whispers and people were giving me looks, almost like they wanted to yell 'boo' at me.

"Miss Martin, you've been sleeping in my class almost this entire semester. "She sighed.

I didn't say anything. I wanted to. I just stared at my legs. She pinched the bridge of her nose and picked up a marker.

"Does anybody else want to try to identify the triangle? "

Hands rose like fucking springs. You idiot.

After that class, I left early. Like, 'asking to go to bathroom and then walking out of the door' early. I'm surprised I've never been caught before, after doing it at least 20 times this year. I found a gas station and sat outside on a piece of side walk and pulled out my my phone.

feb:

heyy

matt:

dude did u leave class again?

feb:

yeah lol sorry

matt:

yk your gonna get caught one day for just leaving.

feb:

it hasn't happened yet so 🤷‍♀️

matt:

ok lol. where are you?

feb:

Dan's gas station

matt:

come by my house after i get out, k?

I sighed and sat down my phone. i was going to go to a bar tonight. Get 'today' off my mind.

feb:

alright

I headed home after sitting down for about 15 minutes. If I was being honest, I didn't want to explain to my dad why I was home early, but I just wanted to go home for a little bit.

I opened the door. The creak made my body twitch. I hated this damn door.

"Dad, " I shook him.

Yep, he was knocked out.

Thank God.

His beer can spilled a little on the floor, leading me to accidently stepping in the puddle of liquid.

"Shit."

Well, that was another reason why my day sucked. I took off my now soaked converses and threw them over in the living room, rushing to my room.

My room was a mess. I didn't remember leaving it like this. I just threw myself on my bed, opening the sandwhich bag of meth I had in the corner of my bed, hidden under some covers. When Matt finds out I didn't stop using he'll be so pissed at me. His voice rang inside my head.

6:51

matt:

u still coming over?

My phone buzzes beside me. I woke up as my body was leaned off the bed.

I was definitely high. .

feb:

ya

I cut my phone off and tried to get up. My head got dizzy and my vision went black.

It's okay, maybe he won't notice.

I put on a dark blue sweatshirt, put on a pair of sneakers, and walked out of my room, down the stairs.

Dad was still fast asleep. Part of me didn't really care and wanted to let him sleep but the other part of me wanted to wake him up and make sure he didn't die in his sleep. I was almost out the door when I sighed and turned back around and made my way to my dad and put my finger under his nose to make sure he was breathing.

He was, thank God.

I walked back to the door and walked out. I forgot to lock it but, it's a small neighborhood, I think it'll be okay.

I must've not been too high, I could still function. I was kinda dizzy still. Hopefully, I don't get hit by a car as I'm walking to Matt's.

feb:

im on my way

I slid my phone in the pocket of my sweats. and speed-walked down the street and curved a couple corners until I made it to his house. He had a better house then me, it was bigger and cleaner. He loves to clean, so that makes sense.

feb:

here

A couple seconds later, Matt's blue eye met mine. He greets me with a big smile.

"Hey, kid," He said, poking out his hand, gesturing to do our handshake.

I smiled and grabbed his hand, "Bro I said stop calling me kid, you're literally younger then me," I laughed.

"By what? 4 months?" He said furrowing his eyebrows and smiling.

We both laughed and I walked into his house fully.

"Parents are at work, so we're definitely using the kitchen." He said, chuckling.

"Aww, mann, but Marylou and Jimmy are the only reason I even come here," I teased.

He laughed and we walked up the stairs to him room. He had an awesome room. His LED lights were always on green, he had a huge bed, and a big blue bean bag chair. He had a huge gaming set up, and a walk in closet with band posters stuck to it from top to bottom.

I plopped on his bed and kicked off my shoes. He climbed beside me.

"Dude, I saw this movie on TikTok, it's about some psyco killer clown. It seems pretty badass. "

I was zoned out, my head in the clouds, I almost didn't hear what Matt said.

"Alright, " I said with an unconvincing laugh.

I could tell he was confused on my lack of excitement because I saw him look at me from the corner of my eye.

He cut of the tv, and put it to the movie. My head was killing me. I clenched my eyes shut and winced a little. He tapped on my shoulder.

"Are you good bro?' He said, with a little bit of a laugh.

"Yeah, duh" I said sarcastically.

The movie played for at least 10 minutes before my vision went black again and I got dizzy. I started to lean back a little bit.

"Feb." He said, seriously. So seriously, it kind of scared me.

"What?" I said innocently, as I looked him.

He looked at me, squinting his eyes a bit. He parted his lips and frowned at me.

'You're using again. " he sighed.

"What? Matt. I'm not. I'm no- not."

I looked at him. I could see his eyes start to water.

"Feb, you promised me you'd stop. You promised me." He looked at me, with glossy eyes.

"Matt, I- I'm n-" My voice cracked. My eyes swelled with tears. "I can't, Matt."

Matt wiped his hand over his mouth. I could see a tear, screaming to come out of his eye.

I covered my mouth with my hand. I tried not to cry. I closed my eyes to try to keep the tears in.

He leaned over me, putting his hands on my arms. He looked at me, he didn't say anything. It was almost like he was waiting for the whole world to disappear and it just be us.

"February," He spoke, "It's okay."

He took his thumb and wiped his thumb across my face.

"You're my best friend Feb. You told me you were getting better. You told me that you stopped."

"Matt, I- I'm sorry." I sighed.

"What's going on? You first started using when your grandma died. That was your worst breaking point. That was 3 years ago. What's going on now? " He whispered.

"Nothing, Matt. Nothing, I promise."

"February, talk to me."

"You won't understand."

"You're my best friend, I understand you, Kid"

"My dad." I whispered.

"Your dad? What's wrong with your dad?" Matt asked concerned.

"He misses Mom, Matt. Last month was her birthday. He's been isolating since." My voice cracked.

Fuck, don't cry again February.

Matt pulled me into a hug. I put my face into the crook of his neck, trying not to cry.

"I'm so sorry. " He whispered as he rested his chin on my head. "Can you stay tonight? I just want to make sure you're okay."

I breathed out and wiped the tears off my eyes and nodded."

"I'm here for you, February. For fucking ever."

I chuckled, and we laid back and continued watching the movie.

[mirror-imaged]

ok followers and fellow ddsers i have a request. i have a vivid memory of going through one of the old dds archive art blogs and finding a sheffbrien like... 4koma. where they kiss or something and at the end of the comic obrien like???? calls him a fag??? does anybody like know what the fuck im talking about and if so can they direct me toward it because i feel like i imagined it but also it made me lose my mind i was flabbergasted and shocked. thank you

[sp1rit-realm]

₊‧꒰ა 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ⧿ 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐩𝐬! 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢'𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞!

Happy 900!!!! Ummm Marauders maybe? but if you think someone else fits better I assure you I don’t mind.

Where to start, i’m pretty quiet, like very very soft spoken until im really comfortable in a room. Once I know someone I’m still quiet in volume but then i can talk for at least 15 minutes straight without losing my rhythm and i get very very animated, lots of facial expressions, too many hands waving around. I like reading but I can’t call myself a bookworm because I take too long to finish them and usually give up so i’m more of a book dragon. I love writing and art and being creative and I love to learn but i hate to be graded. My favorite color is burgundy and my favorite season is whatever one it currently is until the very end and i’m sick of it, then i like whichever one is coming next. I like to collect things and i’m way too sentimental. I like rain and leather jackets and i don’t know if you want any physical attributes but im short enough that literally everyone comments when i wear tall shoes (i have platform doc martins with a heel so it’s only like 4 inches which i guess is a lot over all but even then Im only up to like 5’6-‘7 barely) And my hair is stuck an almost auburn color because I dyed it dark plum/burgundy in november and now the final claws of goldish red are dug in and i don’t see it letting go, which is especially annoying because my roots are returning much lighter than i last remember but I’ve been dying my hair since at least last June so i don’t know what I really expected. I have identity crises over my hair at least every other week.

In terms of how I love people it’s very much however it works with that person. I like when people like to pay attention to me and look for me in a room and that kind of thing, I also really like to be held and have my hair played with,,,,i find dogs very relatable (but don’t let that sway your decision in anyway, do what your heart tells you)

I’m sure 900 people leads to a lot of asks, but i have no idea, so please take your time and don’t feel rushed or obligated at all. I am so proud of this milestone for you and i’m so proud of all the people coming to their senses to appreciate such a talented spirit like you 💖💖💖

HI MARA!!!!!! THANK U SO MUCH

if you mean marauders era in general, i say (drumroll please)

you and dorcas!

to me, her character is very laid back, but secretly she's so passionate. like, she pretends she doesn't care, but really secretly does. she would adore all the things you collect, and will listen to anything you have to say about them. she'd still have to lean down to kiss you. she would say, "really? new hair again, mara?" and then she would whisper to you, "it's cute, makes your eyes pop." because nobody can know that she adores anybody, until you become official. then, she can't stop talking about you. she will read books to you as you lay your head on her lap, hair being played with. she would dance with you in the rain. she would steal your jacket because it smells like you, and because it means everybody knows you're hers. she would sit and listen to you rant/ramble/infordump and watch lovingly as your mouth moves a mile a second and your tongue gets all twisted. she would hang up your art, proudly displaying it as to say: "yeah, my girlfriend? they're perfect, and talented, and beautiful, and look at this art they made." she would kick someone's teeth in for you, and she winks at you during her quidditch games, loving how much you blush; stark red in the sea of green.

[omsbt]

After you knew how life is...If you had the chance to be reborn again would you do that?

When I was asked this question, my answer was a strict no.

I had few attempts to take my life. And I take my life in my head on a daily basis.

We try to survive with trauma and depression. We try to see the beauty in life in the midst of a tornado of complex feelings. It's like living continuously in the fog. we lose sense of time and space, we lose all capability of human interaction, we lost the motivation to persist, or even dream.

Life always percieved unfair to us and to other species. The systems that we choke under, the cultures that promotes violence, the discrimination we as individuals experience at our homes, societies, families. Sometimes we punish our selves for faults we never made. Sometimes we try harder to hold on, cease the moment and live it fully. We try to love life again. We try to nourish ourselves and our love to life back. Not only surviving, but actually living.

Myself has been percieving this whole toxicity between my mind-body and life as one sided relationship. Not mutual. No matter how honest I try to love life also on brokenness, I am not capable of sensing joy. I try to be whole with it. I guess I'm whole with it. I'm whole that I'm fucked, I'm whole if I stay fucked, im whole if i stay, I'm whole if I go. But somekind of non-belonging sensation always lurking around. I fucking don't belong here. does anybody know what I'm talking about?

[rengokuswif3]

I SAW OBANAI AND I GOT EXCITED but maybe headcanons of Mitsuri trying to set up Obanai and the reader together bc they're my fav ship but you can't tell me she wouldn't be a fantastic wingman- Reader can be female or gn its your choice!

Mitsuri would %100 try the dumbest shit to get you two together and SOMEHOW IT ALWAYS WORKS OUT

She’s the Love Hashira, she knows what she’s doing

Obanai would totally be that guy to be meaner to someone he actually likes, but if he saw someone else being mean to you he’d kick their ass. So you’re probably a fellow Demon Slayer, and maybe you come by the Butterfly Estate and accidentally run into Sanemi, who’s in an extra bad mood today and he snaps at you, and you’re about to apologize when suddenly Obanai jumps out of the tree he’s hanging out in and just fucking tackles Sanemi

That’s when Mitsuri saw the whole thing go down and watch Obanai make Sanemi apologize to you before casually walking away like nothing happened, and she knew something was up cause usually Obanai would be one of the bullies himself-

“What was that with Sanemi and Y/N?”

“Nothing. Mind your own business.”

“O. M. G. YOU LIKE THEM!”

“I DO NOT!”

“THAT IS SO CUTE! I DIDN’T JNOW YOU WERE CAPABLE OF THOSE FEELINGS!”

“IM NOT, SO SHUT UP-“

After that, she does everything she can to get the two of you together. Even small things like somehow getting him to sit next to you, or she’ll kidnap Kaburamaru and let him lose near so so you’ll find him, and Obanai will come looking for him and see you rescued his friend

He would not like anybody who doesn’t like Kaburamaru, let’s get that clear. So like the snake sits on your shoulders contently or slithers from his arm to yours while talking so you have his approval

Eventually the other Hashira would catch on, cause they all know Obanai wouldn’t hang out with someone so much willingly unless he liked them

Sanemi: I KNEW IT. BITCH TACKLED ME FOR NO REASON, I KNEW IT

Shinobu: Yes, you really cracked the case here. Nobody else noticed

Sanemi: Shut the fuck up, Bug Eyes

Rengoku: I think it’s great to see Obanai with someone he enjoys the presence of finally!

Gyomei: I do hope this makes him less miserable to be around

Spoiler alert, it doesn’t-

He’s still an asshole, just not to you. Like he’ll finish roasting the shit out of Sanemi then turn to you and press his forehead gently to yours because FOREHEAD TOUCHES WOULD BE HIS LOVE LANGUAGE

[usertoxicyaoi]

hiii!! First of all I love you for the vegaspete playlist like i cant stop listening to it and you keep adding new amazing songs making it even better and I'm like i thought it's already reached peak the time before that, the fuck???? also i love your replies to asks like you give everything so much thought and I'm low-key obsessed with that!! and so I wanna ask if you've given any thought to Pete and his smile mask and its seeming lack of consistency? like one second its not there and then he looks down visibly composes himself and looks back up and puts it on. like it's so clearly a mask but i feel like i need someone to talk to me about it because im quite literally losing my mind over this and just pete in general! also his friendship with Arm and Pol and how does that even work after Pete goes away to be with Vegas? totally cool if not but I'm rewatching ep 9 and the brain rot is real!! keep doing you lots of love!!

hiiiiii my love!!!!! aahhhh thank you! thank you!!! honestly the playlist is now nearly on a 3 hour run time, and at this point, i just put it on as background noise whenever i'm doing this. so thank you so much for liking it!!!

ohhh, pete's smiley mask! let's talk about it!

so, its interesting because from very early on in the show, you see these flashes of pete, where he isn't this dopey smiley toothy grinned guy, with a suit that doesn't fit quite right on his body and unkempt hair, that jumps and flinches, with this naive doe eyed boy-ish persona he has going on.

in those flashes, you see that he's actually really fucking smart, observant, on alert. a lot more wiser than he lets on.

the smiley mask he has is all to do with helping him blend into the scene, in the background, making him look as harmless as possible.

and yet, he's the head bodyguard, so how does that even work? surely there must be a streak of hot clinical ruthlessness, a lethal, cold savageness about him, for him to have the position as head bodyguard. he's got to be fucking booksmart. got to be, outside of just the physical demands that being a head bodyguard has.

what really intrigues me is, if pete is SO GOOD, is the head bodyguard, then why is it wasted away on being tankhun's bodyguard? that's not where the action lies, it lies with kinn.

and i think a lot of that has to do with suppression of one's true self. there's instances, like when he's carrying a drunk tankhun home, or waking porsche up from his stupor, where pete honestly looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here:

anybody else who didn't know would think he looks bored, miserable, fed up, dejected, that his potential is being wasted, that he's being forced or bound to be there tethered by something - in his case, loyalty. somebody else would liken it to ransom.

and its funny to me, because here, pete looks like he's being tied down. he's being chained, emotionally. whereas vegas? does so physically.

and its funny to me because, here, pete isn't being honest with himself. and he knows that. and when vegas sees that tattoo and says "what a lot of bullshit", is he wrong? is he wrong? no. he isn't. because vegas by that time has sunk in and gotten to know just how absolutely fake pete's smiley mask is, how dishonest that is, as opposed to what his tattoo says.

its why when vegas says:

he isn't lying. because that's exactly how they've treated pete - caged him and suppressed him and made him become loyal to them to serve them. and in doing so, vegas recognises, they've made become pete a shell of himself. a farce.

because if VEGAS can recognise that there's a darkness in pete, then how the fuck has nobody else done so?

maybe because nobody else has ever paid attention, and nobody else ever found pete to be that deep enough, beyond his toothy grin and boyish looks. maybe nobody gets pete's darkness, so he HAS to smile it away in an attempt to hide it. and its why it's such an EFFORT to keep up apperances and keep his mask on. it takes that much energy for pete to do so.

until vegas comes along and sees that streak in pete. something that so closely resembles to the one he has in him too. and he pulls that darkness, that sweet sweet suffering, out of pete - let it out.

and its what makes pete feel so seen. so bare.

vegas more or less wanted to make it his personal mission to wipe that mask, that smile off from pete's face. and i reckon that mask pissed him off the most, fueled him even more to rip it to shreds, because the real fun he has is with pete when he is his most honest and truest self.

and there's something to be said about the pure hope pete feels here:

because. finally. FINALLY. someone sees him for more than just this bullshit good guy persona. someone SEES him. someone WANTS to see him.

and so i reckon his friendship with arm and pol, its not that it isnt genuine, but its just not ... deep enough to satisfy him. he can't be Pete with them. he's just Pete, The Head Bodyguard with them, who goes out and parties hard with them and is down for a good time yet is efficient and Good At His Job when he has to be on duty.

but just because you're amicable with your work colleagues, doesn't mean that you necessarily show them all of yourself. that's private. and it takes for someone to want to know you on that level, for you to be able to open up to them.

and vegas freed pete. he liberated him. made him feel the most human and the most HIM he has ever felt. saw all that possible potential. gave him time and attention. gave him chances to leave and yet pete didn't. and its why pete can't go back to what was before. there's just, no way.

and its funny because, the first time pete genuinely smiles at vegas, after they've had sex, is the one smile that has vegas falter instead.

that's the smile vegas wanted to see, and he was the one who pulled it out of pete.

[turtle-ly]

Do you have any catradora fic recs?

i am MADE for this, okay im gonna pick some non-popular ones bc who havent seen them got rec'd a thousand times? let's fucking go:

Oneshots (<5k):

1. blood by lesbians_harold, pre s5 nightmare angsts have a different Spice to it <3

2. Houses Will Build Themselves by jockvillagersonly, somft domesticity, adora builds a drawer

3. but at least the pain will last by TurtleTotem, i throw you on a loop! itsa angst again :) i love soulmate aus but soulmate aus when they're enemies? muah

4. we didn't start the fire (it lived in us) by blackranger (robpatFF), oh how i've thought about you days and nights, op'd adora is very good for your health actually, i've talked about it more here

5. Memory by CabbageCommander, yes i've rec'd s1 angst, s2 angst, now it's s3 angst >:) this fic urged me to do a gifset, one of the only 2 i've ever made, the impact 😌

6. When you’re away (losing sleep) by ClaraZorEl, i love character studies cant you tell

7. Gold, Falling from the ceiling by oliwellwhocares, hair, and the feels

8. how a blessing feels just like a curse by artemiswords, oh turtle you said you dont like angst that much! now explain your bookmarks pls. infected!she-ra :)

9. being chill, being chill with you (oh it kills, they ain’t chill at all) by emdashcomma, how does it feel to see our two favorite dumbasses dancing around each other but like, through the horde kids POV

10. your catra by bogfenwetland, or adora's fight with prime hive mind catra

Oneshots (>5k):

1. Eclipse by theamberissubtle, i guess this is canon divergence since it's from 2019, but great post-war fics are timeless and come in all shapes and sizes

2. Gold, White and Red, hnnnng im feral over goddess adora post s5, see me losing it over the fic here

3. Time to Go by elowen_p, as much as i like canon divergence, im not usually one for s1 cd fics. This is the exception, bc it's slightly Fucked Up and my guilty hc is that everyone in the horde is fucked up in various ways and degrees. adora remains in the horde, but at what cost?

4. tell me (you won't leave me) by insanetwin, post s5 catra submits herself to the mortifying ordeal of being known in order to enjoy the rewards of being loved

5. want me down to the marrow by auberigine, i am rubbing my hands all over s3 aus

6. a rumor, a legend, a mystery by nuttyshake, anastasia au, im gonna be honest with you, i havent watched anastasia for reasons, this one still melted my heart though

7. how can anybody have you by lavendersgreen (M), horde lord! catra. i almost forgot this one is angst angst disguised as fluff lol

8. brave face talk so lightly (hide the truth) by nuttyshake, this is the second time i rec'd this author in this post so im gonna do you a favor and add their tumblr, @/clacing, okay no more angst and its cousins this fic is pure yearning and fluff i promise

9. Meet Me At The Finish Line by clottedcreamfudge (E), haha dumbasses, you should also check out their other spop fics, namely the galling stones series lmao

10. baby, i'm a house on fire (and i wanna keep burning) by wittchers, i was about to stop with these but i cant scroll past this, i think this one is popular with the early fandom actually, medieval arranged marriage au with lord catra, sexy :)

Multi-chapters:

1. 82 Hours by burstofpeony, dancer au where they also got separated bc drama, the usual, but now on a train. i read this fic in one sitting i think

2. notes on fashion by slowdown, im adding this one bc i have taste

3. dangerous woman by n7punk, i KNOW i know, who havent known them?! but this hc is superior babes!

4. on another note im gonna rec on the other side + their and they were roommates collection too. at the 3rd reread im considering this is my comfort fic, if comfort fics are the kind that makes you roll around on your bed and take several breaks to calm down from the dumbassery.

5. wild things by sevensevan, Shadow Weaver sends Catra into the woods to die. Catra doesn't. tbh i'd like to read more about this since im soft for aus where catradora leave the horde on their own, it's still good where it's at tho

Im pulling my bookmarks out for y'all except the almost pure spicy ones that i wont name in this post haha. read these and you might just be able to pinpoint my fic taste :)

[peach-pops]

hai! i love your hc so much and i just done reading the akaashi with karasuno's manager, it's so cute! can you please make it again but with kuroo or tsukishima? thanks a lot 😄🖤

I frickin love Kuroo so this was just so easy to write. Like as I was writing this, I was making myself giddy UGH I wish he was real. ANYWAY I still used the training camp storyline because those episodes just hit differently. Also keep sending requests!

Kuroo’s Crush on the Karasuno Manager 

I always make it a point to say that Kuroo is a huge dork but I firmly believe that when he is interested in someone, he will stop at nothing to make it known how he feels so keep that in mind

When the training camp starts, Kuroo is actually pretty excited because he has friends on the other teams and it just makes the experience more fun than playing against strangers

He knows that Karasuno is coming but he is totally caught off guard when he sees you walk in with the team because the last time Nekoma played against Karasuno, you weren’t a manager so Kuroo is like ???? pretty girl????

Kuroo does a double-take when he sees you and he is not ashamed to stare at you from across the gym. I know in his mind he’s thinking “ what the hell are they putting in Karasuno’s water?” because literally everyone from Karasuno is hot and that’s a fact

You can feel a pair of eyes on you but in a room full of people it’s kinda hard to pinpoint who but when you see Kuroo staring back at you, you almost choke on your water because you think he’s too attractive to even be real

“ Y/N-are you okay?” You feel Daichi pat your back as you nod back quickly and you literally face the opposite direction because you’re so embarrassed

It doesn’t last long because now, you have to get into manager mode since Nekoma and Karasuno are on the court next 

During the game, Kuroo is absolutely killing it I mean this dude is always on his toes but he’s moving faster than ever today because he wants to get your attention 

You’re more focused on your team since you have to take notes but whenever Kuroo makes a point, you both look up at each other and he smiles as if he’s confirming that you saw his shot 

Of course, Nekoma ends up winning and while the Karasuno boys are outside running for losing, Kuroo uses this chance to try and talk to you 

“ I couldn’t help but notice that I caught your attention, like what you see?” 

“ Oh please, don’t let it get to your head. I’m just doing my job Captain.” 

Kuroo feels his confidence boost up when he hears you call him that because you know that dude lets it go straight to his head

“ So now we have nicknames for each other? This is perfect I was already creating a list of what I could call you, how does future wife sound?” 

“ Wow. That was.... terrible. You really need to work on your flirting skills cause this won’t work on other girls.” 

“ Does that mean it’s working on you?” 

You shake your head and laugh as you look off to the side like you’re on the office because bruh, of course, it’s working on you but you’re not going to give him the satisfaction 

He uses the pause in the conversation to introduce himself but right after you introduce yourself, you get called to help the boys with their water

Daichi is totally staring Kuroo down btw 

You say your quick goodbyes but even as your walking away, Kuroo is still standing there with his hands on his hips and a huge smirk on his face because while you’re not giving into him completely, he loves a challenge 

Most of the day, Nekoma and Karasuno are both on their own courts playing matches at different times of the day and it seems like every time you both have a free minute, something always comes up 

Kuroo actually feels super down because he actually wants to have a conversation with you but you’re super busy during dinner 

plus he can’t get a word in around you when the Karasuno boys are guarding you like hawks 

You were feeling so drained from the day so after dinner, you go straight to bed but in the middle of the night you have to use the restroom so you get up and walk over in the dark to the nearest one which is down the hall 

You’re pretty freaked out because it is pretty dark and before bed, the boys were telling scary stories so you were definitely paranoid that someone was going to come up from behind a corner and murder you 

After you finished up in the bathroom, you walked back to the room but you bump into someone and you could feel your soul leave your body and you let out the wimpiest shriek ever 

“ Wha- It’s me!” Kuroo whispers loudly before he lets out a louder laugh,” you are so easy to scare I didn’t even do anything!”

“ I was not scared! I was just startled...there’s a difference. What are you even doing up?” 

Kuroo holds up some money and nods towards the end of the hallway,” Vending machine, you should come with me. I can walk you back to your room after so you don’t get scared again and wake up the whole school.” 

You let out an annoyed huff but you walk side by side with Kuroo as the two of you silently chat about how the training camp is going

Even though there’s hardly enough light, Kuroo still can’t help but stare at you when you’re not looking up at him. 

He knows everything between the two of you is just playful for now but he knows he is already catching feelings and he hasn’t even known you for a full day

Kuroo gets two drinks in the vending machine and hands you one before he sits down against the wall. He uses it to see if you’ll join him or not and luckily you accept his offer and sit down right beside him 

“ You know, we’re gonna beat Karasuno again tomorrow, I just wanted to give you a heads up.”

“ That’s pretty bold of you to say. You’ve seen how the guys play, they’re starting to get a real rhythm going and I wouldn’t be surprised if we turn things around tomorrow” You smirked as you leaned your head against the wall. 

The thing about Kuroo was that gears were always turning in his head and working overtime. He wasn’t a crazy overthinker by any means but he was always thinking of ideas so he started developing a plan in his head

“ Tell you what, let’s make a bet right here. If Nekoma wins tomorrow, you have to go on a date with me.” 

LOOK AND LISTEN  Kuroo is hardly ever this bold with a girl he likes no matter what anybody says but he knows that there’s a small possibility that could say yes and that’s all he needs to boost his ego 

“ And what if you guys lose?” 

“ Trust me, we won’t lose, shake on it?” 

You look down at Kuroo’s hand and without a second thought, you shake it softly,” Good luck Captain. You’ll need it.” 

TRUST ME Kuroo did not get a wink of sleep because all he could think about that night was where he would take you two on a date because obviously, he knew Nekoma would win, especially now since he had even more motivation than the day before 

You weren’t sure why you were so nervous to watch Karasuno and Nekoma’s game because after all, it wasn’t like it was a real tournament but you could feel that the overall vibe on the court gym was different

If you thought Kuroo was playing aggressively yesterday, than oh boy you were in for it when this game rolled through 

Not a single ball went through Kuroo when he was at the front. This boy was DETERMINED to land a date with you 

With every point Nekoma lost, that only fueled Kuroo to do even better than before and it was no surprise that Nekoma took both sets

After the teams shook hands and thanked each other for the game, Kuroo headed straight towards you with the biggest smile on his face

“ So, what do you think?”

“ Mm, I think you’re pretty sweaty to be honest,” you laughed as Kuroo used the back of his hand to wipe his forehead,” but congratulations, you actually weren’t half bad. I’m guessing I owe you a date then?” 

“ Yep, seems like it. Although if you want to go ahead and congratulate me in some other way, I wouldn’t stop you,” Kuroo tapped his cheek with his finger as he leaned his head down for you to kiss his cheek.

OMG IM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM JUST IMAGINE GAHHHH

You rolled your eyes as you felt the eyes of some of the Nekoma and Karasuno players looking towards the two of you. You stood up on your tippy-toes as you pressed a light kiss onto his cheek which earned some oooooos from Nekoma  and curses from Karasuno 

“ KUROO STEP AWAY FROM HER IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!”

“ Aw that’s cute, look at Daichi being protective.” 

“ Um, no,he’s serious. You should really go now.”

[femgirlfriend-moved]

dont rb rant incoming

anyone just sick of casual misogyny in general like just seeing it around in media or irl like im just so tired and sick....can we just dont do it anymore or talk about it or whatever can we get past that already i feel like if i hear more shit like that im actually about to lose my mind...i feel like im in constant competition with men to prove myself and im so tired i dont want to do it anymore but sometimes i feel like im constantly reminded of it and there’s this constant pressure on me and sometimes it just feels so heavy and it makes me so tired. everytime i see men praised in media or online or irl constantly with 0 equivalent for women it makes me feel kind of like a failure for not being more like a man if that makes sense? that’s a terrible thought to have but i cant help it. you’d think things are better now but sometimes even scrolling on tumblr and seeing everyone talk about male characters and male celebrities so much in a way they never do for women makes me feel like this. even worse in a way because this app appears to be used by a lot of gay women, and seeing them talk about women only in a performative way and then always blogging about some men make me feel even more unwanted in my own community. does that make sense lol? i dont want to offend anybody im just kinda rambling i guess. it just makes me feel so conflicted because i dont want to be a man at all but sometimes i feel like as a girl and a lesbian on top of that people see me as a joke and a burden in a way. and i feel like i fight with that every single day and sometimes it;s so much. i feel like i even defend women on a level that other women dont even want. so many times irl ive found myself in awkward situations talking about how women are equal to men only for the women to be weirded out and not understand why would they want to be ‘like a man’. im sometimes so conflicted by all this but if i think too much i realize i dont even know what exactly is actually bothering me? probably just everything because when ur a lesbian everything is just opposed to you. sorry for opening up about this but maybe some of u relate idk im on desktop cos the app doesnt work and this format is making me write a lot

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Eleven

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: first chapter after acosf!! im sorry for how short this one is, but acosf wrecked me and writing this put me back together. i hope it does something similar for you ❤️

***

“You say you’ve been doing better lately?”

The therapist’s office is plain, a little gloomy, but big windows overlook the center of town that make Nesta feel less suffocated.

She nods, “Yeah.”

“How would you describe ‘better’?” Dr. Bond— Lana, she insists on being called— has been endlessly patient with Nesta’s non-answers so far. Nesta almost feels bad and decides to throw the woman a rope.

“I’m not alone anymore,” she says. “I used to be alone all the time, but now I have friends, sort of… and a boyfriend.” She still loves that word. It’s never tasted so exciting before.

“You were always alone before this, then? Or were there just people that you didn’t consider noteworthy?”

A scowl rises to Nesta’s mouth. Damn, she works quick. “I was raised with two sisters in a one-bedroom apartment. I never got to be alone, but then I grew up, and…” Her mind wants to skip over the time she spent in college. “For the last couple of years, I holed up in my own place. Never wanted to talk to anybody or see them. If people took an interest in me, I shut them down because I didn’t have an interest in them.”

“You missed a few years,” Lana notes.

“What?”

“You’re twenty-four, and you moved out at eighteen. Where were you before getting your own place?”

Numbness seeps through Nesta at the question. She knows she can ask Lana to change the topic, but that will only bring it back later. “I had a boyfriend in college,” she says flatly. “I lived with him for a few years, but like you said, it isn’t noteworthy.”

“As a fellow lone wolf, I disagree.” Lana’s clinical polite face is unchanging. “Any person who you trust enough to let into your life is noteworthy.”

Nesta says nothing.

“I’m interested in these people you’ve chosen to trust,” her therapist continues after a beat of silence. “Why don’t we start with whoever you trust most?”

Nesta snorts. This she can talk about.

“His name is Cassian. I’ve been living with him ever since my apartment got flooded a couple of months ago, and he’s always been a good friend to me.” She sits there, thinking about what else to say. “I think I like him more than I’ve ever liked anybody.”

“This is the new boyfriend?”

Nesta nods.

“Do you compare him to the old one?”

Nesta doesn’t know what this lady’s angle is, but she answers carefully, “I used to. Back when I first moved in. I haven’t done it in a long time, though.”

“Why not?”

The answer is simple. “There’s no need to. He’s not comparable to anybody.”

“Is that why you opened up to him after two years of self-imposed isolation?”

Nesta looks away. “It wasn’t isolation,” she defends. “It’s just… after a lifetime of being subjected to the gaze of strangers, I wanted to hide. I liked hiding.” Mostly.

“What does that mean, the gaze of strangers?”

Question after cool question, this one. Nesta struggles to find a proper answer.

“You know how,” she starts slowly, “as soon as you start school, you’re placed into this bubble with a bunch of people who don’t know you and have no reason to care about you? There’s a shift in how you view people, and how people view you. And I thought I could leave it behind once I graduated high school, but it followed me to college and to parties and into everyday interactions.”

“What is it?”

“It’s this—” Nesta waves her hands, “judgment. It’s that thing you do as soon as you meet someone, and you try to determine whether they’re worth your time or not. Whether they’re above or below you in this made-up social hierarchy in your head.”

“Explain that more,” Lana says.

“We want to hang around people we find cool. And when we meet someone new, we inspect them, look them up and down, to see if they fit our definition of cool. We take them apart. Everyone does it, even you. And with me,” she shrugs, “I’m pretty, I wear the right clothes, I do my makeup. So at first glance, people think, ‘Oh, I can see myself getting to know her better. I can see myself liking her.’ But then they take a closer look at me, and it’s like…” Her fingers flutter in the air, trying to support her thoughts. “I can see their minds changing. ‘Nevermind, I was wrong. Nevermind, there’s something off with her. She’s a little quiet, a little weird, a little bitchy.’”

Lana narrows her eyes. “And Cassian doesn’t look at you like that?”

Nesta looks away. “He doesn’t look at anyone like that.”

It’s what used to make her so uncomfortable about him. She was incapable of fathoming his honesty, his genuineness, his kindness. She thought he was even weirder than her for it— she placed him beneath her on her social hierarchy for it.

Lana frowns thoughtfully. “And now you two live together?”

Nesta nods, then shrugs. “For the next twenty-four hours, we do. He’s helping me move back into my old place.”

Because that was another conversation she and Cassian had on Thanksgiving night. It was a long time coming, but also the perfect time.

“You’re saying your apartment has been ready for weeks? Why are you just telling me now?”

Nesta pillowed her face on his chest, not as upset at revealing the news as she would have been some days ago. “Because I was scared that if I moved out, I would lose my friendship with you.”

“That never would have happened—”

“We wouldn’t see each other every day anymore. Even if we didn’t go back to being complete strangers, the closeness would be lost.”

“You must not know me, then. I would’ve texted you every fucking hour. You’d never hear the end of me.”

“I couldn’t guarantee that back then.” She looked up at him through her lashes. “I can now.” She crawled higher up his body, lowering her voice to a secretive pitch. “Want to know why?”

“Why?” he whispered.

“Because you’re mine now. And that’s what I was waiting for while I made Lorene hold that shitty empty apartment for me. I was waiting for a catalyst, a revelation.” She pressed a kiss to his sternum. “And I most definitely got it.” The pleasant ache between her legs was proof enough. “Also,” she added, “it would be weird if you lived with your girlfriend before even having a first date with her.”

Cassian huffed a laugh. “You have a point there. We have been moving backwards, haven’t we?”

Nesta nodded into his skin.

He got a little quiet. “Still,” he said after a moment. “I’ll miss you.”

“You’ll see me every day. I’ll be fifteen minutes away.”

“I’ll still miss you.”

“I know.”

“What does talking about guys have to do with my therapy?” Nesta squirms, getting restless with the topic.

“Lots of things,” Lana says, putting down her notepad. “It gets you comfortable with expressing your feelings to me, and it teaches me about how you view the world. Besides, therapy isn’t just a rehashing of past traumas, you know. We can talk about whatever you want here, especially if it makes you feel good.”

“Well, I want to talk about something else.” She’s not spending this much money by the hour just to talk about how much she likes Cassian— she can go to Cassian for that for free.

“Like what?” Lana asks smoothly.

She’s offering an opening, finally, to the real reason that Nesta’s here.

Nesta pulls at the sleeves of her sweatshirt, wondering where to start. “I feel like I’ve been growing up lately,” she says carefully. “I have all these new people in my life to be responsible for, and I’m— I want to do it right. But I’m worried I won’t have room for new things until I pack up some of my old shit, so that’s why I’m here, I guess. I don’t want to hold on to all of my old shit anymore.”

At Lana’s encouraging silence, she continues, “I spent my whole life stuck in a suffocating town, and as soon as I left, I got stuck in a relationship. By the time I knew what freedom felt like, I— I’d been left behind. Everyone I knew was moving onto bigger things and all I had was this shitbag of a past. So I got a new place and started law school and called it a fresh start, but now I’m here and I’m not sure if I ever got better.”

She takes a sharp breath after everything that’s spilled.

Lana purses her lips, letting the room absorb Nesta’s words. After a long moment, she says, “Just because bad things stop happening to someone, doesn’t mean they instantly get better. It’s a good thing that you’re recognizing that before stepping into new relationships, Nesta.”

Lana glances at the clock on the wall. “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today, but this was a productive first session.” She offers a small smile. “Same time next week?” She says it as if it isn’t already a done deal.

Nesta nods gratefully anyway, unable to say anything else. As soon as she’s out the door, a pent-up sigh escapes her. That wasn’t so bad.

***

Later that night, Nesta doesn’t miss Cassian’s wistful stare as he takes down the painting he got her from the fall festival. Nor does she miss how slowly he packs it away.

Once the bedroom she made her home is as sparse as the day she moved in, all her things packed away neatly in boxes, Nesta wraps her arms around Cassian and pulls him to the bed. There, she lets him hold her close, their breaths and limbs intertwining as they lie in thoughtful silence.

“I can’t believe I’ll never see this room again,” Nesta says quietly.

Cassian’s eyes widen in alarm. “What do you mean, never again?”

“I’ll be staying in your room whenever I visit, remember?” Her underwear already occupies a drawer in his closet.

Cassian visibly relaxes when he remembers, then smiles. “Right. Of course.”

She lets herself sink deeper into his embrace. “I just realized you’ve never seen my apartment before.” He was waiting at the front door of Lorene’s place while Nesta collected her things all those weeks ago, but she cringes at the thought of him visiting now. The clear wealth gap between her and Cassian doesn’t usually show, but it’ll be undeniable with the cramped room she calls an apartment. “Maybe it’s best if I move back in without your help. There might not even be space there for your huge body.”

“Sounds more appealing by the minute.” He’s not joking. He tilts up Nesta’s chin so she’s forced to meet his eyes. “I can’t wait to start partaking in your life the way you took over mine. Spending nights at your place, meeting your friends, riding in your car instead of mine.”

Nesta swallows.

“I’m gonna miss you like hell, but it’ll be for the best.”

He’s right: this is what’s best for their budding relationship right now. Moving out, creating even a little bit of distance— all of it is so they can finally learn each other as lovers instead of roommates. So when they do come back together, which Nesta firmly believes they will, it’ll be stronger than ever before.

Some of their shared sadness flits away at the truth of it. She only places her hand on his cheek, content to appreciate this view— this beautiful, hazel-shaded view— without further chitchat or goodbyes.

Cassian is not as fond of the silence. “I need to tell you something,” he says seriously after a few minutes.

After only a handful of days dating Cassian, Nesta knows what he’s going to say. “Don’t,” she warns, unamused.

He grins conspiratorially and leans in even closer, until their mouths are almost brushing. “You’re my everything, Nesta.”

“Oh my god, stop it.” She squirms out of his hold and gets up, tossing the blankets off herself.

“No, come back!” He makes a grab for her sleeve. “We have to use the bed one last time—”

But she’s already running off.

***

Cassian carefully arranges the canvas painting on the wall, taking a step back to determine if it’s hanging straight. The ruby and amber leaves of the landscape stand out against the dull teal walls of Nesta’s basement apartment, but he’s just getting started.

The rest of Nesta’s things are half-unpacked from their cardboard boxes, but instead of going for the important shit first, he finds the box he specifically marked FAVES in bold letters the night before.

While Nesta wrangles to get her clothes back into her old closet in the background, Cassian crouches and rips open the small box. There, lying atop his girlfriend’s favorite trinkets and personal items, is the framed photo he snuck in without her noticing.

It’s of the two of them at the fall festival, taken mere hours before their first kiss. Nesta is pressed up close to Cassian (her excuse being that it was cold), and a genuine light fills her eyes, one that Cassian never thought he’d be able to capture on camera. Cassian himself isn’t looking at the camera, but down at Nesta with wind-flushed cheeks and a distant smile. Making sure she’s having a good time, that she truly wants to be there with him in that moment.

He never realized how close they looked in that picture until he had it printed and framed, not long after Nesta announced she was moving out. He can’t believe he didn’t see it sooner.

Standing up, he places the photo on Nesta’s wooden dresser. Nesta still has her head in the closet, moving things around, but Cassian makes no announcement of his gift to her. She’ll notice it sooner or later.

He clears his throat. “Wanna take a break and order Chinese?”

Nesta pops her head out of the closet, her ponytail ruffled and eyes narrowed at him. “Have you even been helping this whole time?”

“Standing here and looking pretty is harder than it seems, but I don’t expect any credit from you,” he jokes. “Just let me buy you lunch.”

Nesta grumbles something he chooses not to hear, but straightens up and rubs her spine with a wince. “I need a fucking chiropractor,” she mutters.

Guilt shoots through Cassian at that small wince, and he resolves to finish organizing Nesta’s closet for her before the day is over. Nesta goes on, “So? Still determined to split your time between here and the cabin?” She gestures to the apartment with an arm.

It’s really just a glorified single room, with a rusty kitchenette in the corner, a hallway near the stairs that holds the bathroom, and Nesta’s bed pushed against one wall. It’s nothing special, but Cassian loves it. Mostly because he can already envision each new nook and cranny to take Nesta against, and how he wants to wake up in that too-small bed on days that he’s too lazy to drive home.

“It’s perfect,” he says simply. Thank you for sharing your home with me, is what he really means. Speaking of homes—

Cassian digs around in his pocket, finding and pulling out a newly-minted silver key. “I almost forgot to give you this.”

Nesta frowns, coming forward to take the key from him. He uses the closeness as an excuse to wrap his arms around her waist while she inspects the object.

She glances up at him, eyes softer than they were a moment ago, lips slightly parted. “You’re giving me a key to the cabin?”

He shrugs casually. “You should’ve gotten one a long time ago.” She used either Cassian’s key or the spare while she lived there.

Her mouth is still open, and she closes it once, twice, before finally saying, “I don’t have a key to my place for you.”

“But I can get one,” she adds quickly. “If you want it, that is.”

Of course he wants it, but he keeps his face carefully neutral. “Only if you want me to have one. We’re still new, and this is your personal space.” He emphasizes your.

Nesta purses her lips, then says, “I’ll think about it.”

Cassian’s shoulders slump in relief— relief that Nesta is being honest with him instead of doing something she isn’t yet ready for. He’ll take her honesty over an apartment key any day.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he smiles brightly and shoves her toward the bed. “If we’re getting dumplings again then you can’t steal mine.”

***

a/n: fair warning that ive never been to therapy, but in stories therapists are usually a mode for character exploration and development, which is what nesta's therapy will be for.

also im so glad i got to meet gwyn in acosf and im so excited to introduce her into this fic too!! if you have ideas for her origin story feel free to share because nothing is planned yet

taglist: @ladywitchling @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @swankii-art-teacher

[domosakis]

[TARO-222] insatiable, pure love!

★ this is inspired by a hentai that was turned into a porn LOL i pretty much just rewrote it the whole first half but then i get bored of it and made it my own story at the end so sorry if its confusing but i spent a lot of time on it so i hope you like it!! ♡

✭ words: 1.9k !! cw: extreme dubcon, borderline noncon, i can't tell who is insane in this story, toxic relationship, assault, public sex, reader is feminized, lmk if i forgot smth omg im so sorry

‘i didn’t really want to do it… at the beginning.’

at least shotaro tells himself that, whether it’s true or not. he took the train home after practice like always but you were there. you looked so cute in your uniform but he couldn’t help but notice how sensual your body made you look. plaid skirt barely reaching the top of your thighs and a thin white blouse that might as well have been made with tissue.

he was addicted as soon as he saw you. he felt the need to go home right away, thoughts of making you scream plaguing his mind. stress, deadlines, the pressure of his academy… he deserved a little happiness right?

suddenly the train stopped and shotaro took the opportunity to dramatically fall towards you, your back against his. his hand pressed against your ass, moving your skirt up showing your panties to anyone who looked your way.

his inner monologue was just a stream of excuses he made to keep touching you. so soft… and even though he knows it’s not right he doesn’t make even an attempt to stop.

‘again… another idiot.’

you wondered how far he would go today, after all you did need to get home and start preparing dinner. you didn’t resist instead letting your mind wander to your daily chores and responsibilities, you just hoped your stop came soon.

suddenly you were yanked out of your thoughts, your body carelessly being tossed into the position he wanted and his hands came to grab at your breasts. he wasn’t gentle at all in the way he handled you but at least he wasn’t being completely rude. you’d let him do what he wanted as long as he stayed quiet. he’s not really hurting me like the others so what’s the worst that could happen?

shotaro let himself get brave, after all you weren’t denying him. if anything you were making it too easy. he let his hand slip under your panties to feel your cunt directly. he only grew more confident when he felt how wet you were.

you didn’t understand why you felt this way, you could say it was your body’s natural reaction but then how did you end up with this stranger in the love hotel down the street?

strange men doing what they wanted to you wasn't what you would call a foreign experience. maybe it was because you didn’t dress all that modestly, maybe it was your body or maybe you were just an easy target. whatever it was you definitely weren’t able to defend yourself from it and you ended up in a lot of rough situations.

this felt different though. okay sure so maybe he still molested you on the train without any communication but… he looked your age, and cute, and he didn’t call you mean names or hit you, and he even took you to this nice hotel instead of taking you against the urinal in a seedy bathroom!

maybe you needed to raise your standards.

whatever. it was too late now, this man (whose name you still didn’t now) had you laid underneath him, playing with your body however he wanted and you got the slight feeling he hadn’t touched anybody else in awhile at least. he took his time massaging your tits and all you could do was writhe beneath him.

“do you feel good?” shotaro asked you once he had your top half completely bare. you didn’t answer and turned your head to the side to avoid his gaze.

“no? your nipples are so hard though…” it was true your body was responding to everything he did but you didn’t want him to know that. still, it didn’t do much to deter him and suddenly his hands reached to pin yours next to your head, his mouth attaching itself to your breast.

you couldn’t help but moan out then, your hips bucking to meet his. your body had never been played with like this before and you needed more. he complimented your body and it made your heart swell in a twisted way.

“fuck. why are you so wet?” he laughed at you but you were distracted by his fingers playing with your clothed clit.

“you’re so cute, i need to see more.” you could barely see only feeling him spread your legs apart and taking off your panties roughly leaving only your skirt bunched around your waist. and before you knew it he was fucking into you.

‘this can’t be bad right?’ shotaro thought. ‘they’re so wet they must be enjoying this’

he could barely hold himself back grabbing onto the skirt around you and using it to fuck his dick into you harder. his thrusts were fast and unrelenting and you tried to say no but nothing comprehensible came out of your mouth.

you could already feel him deep within you and you thought you would cry once he pushed your leg to your chest, taking you sideways.

“no i can’t! i can’t!” you managed to cry out but it didn’t matter anyways, if anything it felt like it made him go harder. he let himself stay deep inside you for a bit, enjoying the way your body twitched around him before flipping you onto your stomach.

he took his time teasing you, rubbing the head of his cock against your cunt until he finally listened to you begging him to stop. you were so far gone at that point only able to focus on the feeling of his cock rubbing against your walls. it was almost painful how fast he rubbed against you but his tip was reaching inside you so well.

you almost felt yourself losing consciousness before he pulled out, cumming across your tits and letting some hit your face. your body wouldn’t stop twitching and you realized you had cum as well, the feeling of your pussy clenching around nothing making you feel outrageously empty.

you expected to open your eyes to an empty room, left alone to clean yourself up and get home. instead you were very surprised to see the same man who had fucked you to the edge on his knees, his hands together begging for forgiveness.

“i’m so sorry! please forgive me!” you could hear him mumbling to himself and you almost felt bad for him.

“i’m so terrible, and i didn’t even use a condom… if you get pregnant… i’m so sorry!”

you had quite literally never been in this situation before and you were afraid the man was about to burst into tears.

“uhm… it doesn’t matter really.” you said before looking away. now shotaro was taken aback so you kept going before he could say anything.

“well it does matter, you shouldn’t assault girls but uhm…” you had no idea how to explain this.

“truthfully it’s really easy for me to be attracted to you, and i’ve gone through a lot worse…” you started going into detail about your past experiences and shotaro was growing increasingly confused and worried about your mental state.

“anyways today felt different, like you didn’t cum inside me! that’s a first and… i even came. i felt like you were gentle.” shotaros mind started to reel at the idea of the things you would let him get away with if you thought that was gentle and even when you’re praising him for doing less then the bare minimum he could only think of worse things. truly terrible.

you kept going.

“i won’t call the police and… i felt really good today.”

shotaro thought he was going to die, he just assaulted you and you were saying these things. he could feel himself getting hard again and before he could stop it he was back on top of you.

you liked it. someone like you was actually attracted to someone like him. he couldn’t pass the chance to take you again. he was going to play with you as much as you let him.

after shotaro had once again taken you how he liked he, once again, went through the five stages of grief begging for your forgiveness. you were too fucked out to comfort him at the point and he quickly left leaving you with fare for the ride home.

he decided to leave the whole incident behind him, citing it as a life lesson learned. (even though he should’ve known that assault was bad without having to do it but, whatever.) he promised himself that he would forget about that kind of thing and focus on dance. that is until he ran into you once again.

you greeted him first, before he could run away and that action alone confused him. you looked so cute just like the first time he saw you, but this time you were in a pink tank top and short denim skirt. equally as irresistible. you guys actually made small talk at first until shotaro couldn’t hold it in.

“what happened last night… would you want to do it again? i’ll be gentle!”

you smiled weakly. “if you say so.”

you gave him a blowjob in a bathroom stall before he took you back to his dorm.

in his defense it was very gentle, he took his time with you leaving hot kisses all over your body. you didn’t know what to do with yourself you’d never had sex like that before. he was sweet and thoughtful and you found yourself wanting to hear his voice and feel him more and more.

you wanted him to feel the same way about you. you wanted him to think about you for more than your body. you wanted him to crave every part of you. you felt yourself get lost in the feelings you were developing for him. you pressed your hands against his chest when he moved to enter you.

"please… i want to make you feel good too.” shotaro just stared at you slightly confused before he responded.

“you make me feel so good baby, i think i’m addicted to you.” it’s possible he said more but that’s all you needed to hear. you reached your arms around him and pressed yourself as close to his body as you could.

at that moment you could start to forget the circumstances in which you met. shotaro was so sweet to you now and he wasn’t mean to you then. would it be too much to hope for a relationship with this man? you could imagine letting him use you whenever he wants keeping him satisfied and he would be kind to you in return.

you wanted to kiss him so bad, you were staring at his lips and he thankfully took the hint grabbing your hair to pull you impossibly closer to him. it made you so happy. having shotaro as your boyfriend so no one else could mess with you. and he makes you feel so good…

shotaro loved the look on your face. you looked absolutely obsessed with him and that’s how he wanted it. he felt so lucky that you accepted him, any guilt that he previously felt was totally gone, now he just wanted to have you near him all the time. have you as his and make sure everyone knew.

you were perfect for him. so responsive and eager to please. you loved everything he gave you and he forgot anything else mattered when he saw you.

at some point he knew this was bad. the way you met and how you got to this point. but you didn’t care so why should he? he’ll take advantage of your past to make sure that you’re thankful for everything he does to you.

[stanknotstark]

Astral Pt. 8.1 (Loki x Reader)

I know the gif kinda spoils what’s gonna happen but I hope the build up is still enough to keep you surprised and happy XD I couldn't hold it back im just so excited they kiss I had to let you all read it 🥲

After dinner the entire team broke up and went to their respected rooms, leaving you and Loki in the living room together. Thor obviously wanted to speak to the two of you but you’re pretty sure it’s Natasha that convinces him that you two need your privacy for now. You’ll have to get her something, as thanks. 

Loki takes both your hands into his as you both sit on the couch. You’re sitting apart from each other still finding things to be tense between you both. 

“I’m the cause of this?” Loki asks running his thumbs over your bruises, looking over your hands. 

“No,” You grimace when Loki squints at you, “Maybe. Yes. Kind of.” You blabber out. 

Loki hums then his hands flow with green magic and in an instant the magic disappears along with your bruises. 

“Thanks.” You say. Loki reluctantly lets your hands fall into your lap and he crosses his arms across his chest. More in a way that he probably feels vulnerable right now than anger or trying to close himself up to you. 

You’re both awkwardly silent. Both of you start to talk at the same time.

“So we-”

“I believe-”

Both of you go quiet to let the other speak, realize what’s going on and chuckle together. You shoulders stop from tensing and you bite your lip, raising a brow at Loki. Loki gives a closed mouthed smile and opens his arms. You practically throw yourself into him and hug him tight. You’re never letting him go again. Ever. 

“I missed you.” You whisper into his neck. Loki’s hand finds its way up to your head and plays with your hair like old times. 

“And me, you.” Loki whispers, kissing your head then resting his face on your head. His hand pulls at your strands for a bit then he just rests his hand on your head, holding you. 

There’s a question bugging you that you finally ask, timidly because it’s probably still a sore spot for Loki. “So, if Thor is king, how is he allowed to be here for so long?” 

Loki hums thoughtfully, “He isn’t. He declined the crown.” 

You pull away a bit to look at Loki in the eyes. “What?” 

“Thor had a plan to attack the Jötunn, so we went and when we came back fa-the Allfather banished him, here, I’m sure you remember?” 

You nod, remembering the reports coming in through Coulson that Thor had been in New Mexico. If you recalled correctly, Loki had sent a machine by the name of, The Destroyer, to kill Thor too...

“Well, the crown fell to me when the Allfather fell into Odin’s Sleep.” 

Your eyes widen but the look on Loki’s face isn’t one of joy so you frown. Loki is looking into space, lost in thought, his hand moving down a bit to cup your neck and trace shapes into your skin. 

“There’s something you’re not telling me...” You whisper suspiciously. 

Loki’s eyes come back to yours, clouds of despair in them, but he blinks and it’s gone. “A story for another day.”

You take a deep breath but don’t have the heart to drag it out of him right now so you leave the topic behind and tell him about yourself instead. 

“I’ve developed my powers, more so than what you last saw.” 

Loki raises his eyebrows in question so you settle your head back in his neck and tell him. “I can control people’s minds for a bit, it takes a lot to do it for too long, honestly, and I can plant thoughts in people’s minds, see their memories.” You go quiet for a second thinking of what else you’ve learned, “I can shape-shift, only to other people right now trying to turn into an animal is really hard for some reason.” 

“It’s because you’re not used to being in their form, you’ve only ever known the  humanoid form so it takes a lot to grasp being in a different body.” Loki explains. 

You gasp, “Can you change into an animal?” 

Loki chuckles at your wonderment. At heart you still had that child-like fascination he’s always adored. 

“Yes but it takes a lot of magic, I only do it when necessary.” 

You hum thoughtfully, finding your hands had found their way to his leather and fidgeting with it. Pulling, tugging, rubbing. 

“Oh!” You exclaim.

And I can do this. You say in Loki’s mind, pulling back from his hug, reluctantly, to see his facial expression. Loki looks pleased and shocked at the same time.

I was wondering when you’d develop telepathy.

Smirking, you think of holding hands in an image which Loki got because he reaches for your hands and holds them in his, shaking his head smiling. 

“You can’t get enough of me, can you sweetheart?” Loki says regarding all the physical touching, smiling harder at the flush in your cheeks. 

“I missed you ok,” You admonish, “I don’t see you complaining but I can stop-” 

You begin to pull your hands away but Loki grabs your hands back and gives you a look of warning, as if daring you to stop touching him. You smile inwardly. 

Instead you push Loki back into the couch, manhandling him (He snickers when you huff at him for not helping you move his body) until he’s laying in a good position for you to cuddle with him. You the little spoon, sigh contently. 

Loki wraps his arms around your waist, pulls you into him as much as possible, then rests his cheek on yours. 

You feel completely stupid after you say it, you’re not even sure why you blurted it out in the first place, but you randomly exclaim, “I’m not dating anyone.” 

Ok, so, maybe you do know why you blurted it out but your mind is catching up to what you’ve just done. You hold your breath and get tense. 

“Is that so?” Loki says, beating around the bush because he’s enjoying your nervousness for him. 

You’re not sure what to do so you begin babbling (and you think maybe you’ve been around Tony too much), “I haven’t dated anybody. Haven’t had the time. I might have crushed a bit on some people-” Loki’s arms hug you tighter to him, “-but I never initiated anything with them just kind of kept to myself.” 

“Why’s that?” Loki breath ghosts over your face.

You turn in place, Loki’s arms giving you room to do so, and when you face the God you bite your lip. Loki’s hand comes up, his thumb pulling your lip from your teeth, his eyes stuck on your pink lips. His hand still rests on your chin. 

“Why?” He whispers. 

You switch between looking at his eyes and lips and say, “Because I want someone else.” 

Loki practically purrs the next question, his lips twitching at the edges. 

“Who?” 

You smile. “You. Asshole.” 

Loki chuckles then closes the space between you both. When your lips meet it’s almost overwhelming. Your stomach is fluttering and you literally think you can feel sparks when your lips meet. With your eyes closed you focus on his mouth and just go with the flow because it all feels so natural, to reach up with your right hand and tangle your fingers in his hair, to tilt your head so he has better, deeper access to your mouth, to open your mouth at his inquisitive tongue. As Loki’s tongue explores your mouth you can taste him it’s a sweet taste it doesn’t taste like anything you know of, it just tastes like Loki. 

For a second your tongues battle for dominance and you let out a gasp as his tongue dominates yours. One of his hands wraps around your waist and pulls you into him, the other hand strokes your hair, occasionally tugging at your strands as he loses himself in you. 

When you both need to breathe you pull apart. Opening your eyes you watch Loki keep his closed but he has a ghost of a smile on his lips. Slowly his eyes open too, looking into yours with desire. The hand that had been stroking your hair goes back and hooks with his other hand to wrap around your waist. 

You’re too scared to break the silence that has formed so Loki does instead. 

“I’m assuming that was your first kiss?” He asks. 

You can feel your face heat up. “Why was it ba-”

Loki pulls your lips to his again, this time without tongue. When he pulls back he breathes out, “No, darling, I merely want to confirm I was your first.” 

You nod at him, your eyes roaming his face to keep as a memory forever. 

Tag list: @justfangirlthingies​ @emelieh99​ @high-functioning-lokipath​ 

[ancientwastedlores]

Undone by “Darling”

REQUEST (from @november-solarstorms​): Celebrating another year of this earth being braced by Tom Hiddleston's presence! Lol. Might I make a prompt request? I feel as though it would be interesting to read from Loki's POV to explore the dynamics between him and a human female who is just as intelligent as he. She has a sharp wit and even sharper tongue. Her sarcastic and clever nature enable her to out-banter Tony Stark, the king of snark himself (may he rest in peace). But she is also just as flirtatious and salacious. She never blushes, never falters, and is incredibly clever. You can decide the nature of their encounter. Really im just in it for a good game of cat and mouse.

A/N: Okay, I had SO MUCH FUN writing this!! And yeah, this will run a bit longer than my usual fics lol. Also, there IS a Loki POV, just keep reading thaaanks <3

WARNINGS: none. 

WORD COUNT: 1,932

____________________________________________________________________

Undone by “Darling” 

17 hours and 6 white chocolate mochas later, it was finally ready - an upgraded version of Corvus Glaive’s glaive, this one spec-ed out to your fancies and requirements. It was a beast, and definitely not something Nick Fury would ever let you play around with, even if you made it. 

Satisfied with your work, you remove your safety goggles and grin at Stark, who is working on his own weapon he scavenged from the Black Order. 

‘I’m done!’ you say triumphantly, causing him to look up and groan.  ‘How did you finish before me!?’ he lowers his glasses and looks at your weapon.  ‘I’m smarter’ you say.   ‘I went to MIT’  ‘And I didn’t, yet here we are, both in the same lab’. 

He shakes his head, not unlike a petulant child, causing you to laugh. 

‘How far along are you?’ you ask.  ‘Still running diagnostics’.  ‘Still!?’  ‘Have you seen the size of his hammer?’ he gestures to Cull Obsidian’s chain hammer on his work table, but the innuendo doesn’t escape you and you grin at him. He facepalms. ‘Y/n, for god’s sake...’  ‘You’re just tired, or you’d appreciate the joke too’. 

You stretch your weary body and let out a deep breath. You’d test the weapon out tomorrow, but for now, you need a nap. 

‘Take a load off, Stark. Hammer’ll be there tomorrow’.  ‘Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you...’ he puts his goggles back on and get to work. 

xx

Loki’s POV: 

Humans are surprising, but I always knew that. I never thought them boring, even if my brother says I do. Humans are of so little power but such incredible resilience that it’s frankly astonishing. I am inclined to believe that sometimes resilience is just stupidity... in most cases, I am right. But that’s not to say I haven’t come across some truly brave people. 

Take the Avengers Tower, for example. 

Just in here, you have Y/n, a brave soldier with the mind of an intergalactic scavenger, and I do mean that as a compliment. She’s awfully clever, she can build better than Stark, and has a track record of finishing every mission to perfection and before time. And then you have the Super Soldier Steve Rogers, a big muscled, big hearted idiot who often mistakes challenging our enemies for bravery and morality. 

The two couldn’t be more different, but they get along like siblings. Not siblings like Thor and I... better adjusted, perhaps. 

They sit in front of me, talking about some mission while they play Chess. Her moves are quick but calculated, his take more time because he’s more interested in telling his story than playing the game. 

‘...so there I am, no weapons, no shield, bang in the middle of the Serpent Citadel...’ 

He’s a good storyteller, I’ll give him that. But not as good as Y/n. She paints quite a picture, full of delicious gory details and horribly dark jokes. 

‘Steve, you have to pay attention, you’re losing’ she says.  ‘Yeah, I don’t actually know how to play chess, I just wanted you to listen to my story’. 

She looks up at him, almost offended. ‘STEVE...’  ‘Cool, I’m gonna go wrap Stark into a game of Battleships and tell him about my fight with Copperhead’. 

She laughs as he leaves the room, and she puts the chess pieces away. 

‘We could play?’ I ask her.  ‘Is the God in a mood to lose?’  ‘Over confidence isn’t attractive in anybody’. ‘Oh darling, neither is telling someone what is and isn’t attractive’. 

She’s never called me that before, and in the context it should seem cutting, but it isn’t. ‘Darling?’  ‘Problem?’  ‘It’s quite a term of endearment to set someone straight’. 

She says nothing. 

‘Cat got your tongue?’ I tease her. She only smiles and continues putting the pieces away neatly. Stark’s chess set is gold and black, all individually carved pieces. The pawns are all Iron Man suits, but that’s to be expected. She handles them with the care Stark would. 

‘I mean...’ I continue, ‘honestly, if someone heard, they’d never let you live it down’. 

And she carries on, unbothered. 

‘Y/n!’  ‘Oh dear, look at you come completely undone with just one term of endearment’ she comments, shutting the chess set. ‘Whatever would happen if I held your hand?’ 

The very thought of it seemed to drain my brain of blood. I unwillingly glanced at her hands, working the lock mechanism of the box, her blue veins prominent. 

‘Cat got your tongue?’ she asked. 

I stood up, the human emotion of embarrassment becoming too familiar for me. ‘I’ll have to see you at lunch’.  ‘Sure, darling’. 

Oh, I hate how she’s enjoying this. 

----------

The next day, Y/n booked a training room to test out the Glaive, and Stark had a rusty but working chain hammer. Steve insists on trying it out anyway, and now our breakfast is being spent on discouraging him from doing that. 

‘Guys... if nothing else, I’ll still have my shield. Let me test it out!’  ‘Y/n’s glaive cuts through Vibranium, you know that, right?’ Stark says.  ‘Y/n wouldn’t do that’. ‘Oh yes she would’ Y/n says nonchalantly as she sinks her teeth into a bacon and egg sandwich. 

As she does, the yolk runs down her fingers. She makes a sound at the inconvenience and sets the sandwich down, then grabs a napkin. I’m hardly ever crude, but the energy it took not to take her hand and lick off the yolk myself could burn every star in the galaxy. 

Captain America scrunches his nose at her remark, severely offended. 

‘In any case, that shield barely covers your giant body. It will force Stark to make you a new one’.  ‘What do you care about his giant body’ Stark says.  ‘It’s America’s ass, Tony’ she takes a sip of her iced coffee. Steve blushes, and Tony rolls his eyes. 

----------

The training facility is magic, of course, somewhere between a mirror dimension and Wanda’s reality powers creating a safe cocoon inside the building so no one can be harmed. Y/n hardly trusted anybody to fight with her except Thor, but given the nature of Corvus’ Glaive, she knew magic would be required. 

And so she called me. 

After getting into my battle armour, I stepped into the facility, equipped with my sceptre and the teachings of the witches of Asgard. 

She whistles as I walk in. ‘Trying to distract me from killing you?’  ‘Are you?’ I ask. She’s dressed in a black bodysuit, details of purple in her belt and weapon harnesses.  ‘Why yes, I am. Glad you noticed’. 

The glaive is on the floor, and she stomps her foot on one part of it so it swivels up and neatly places itself in her hand. She smiles. 

‘Try to keep up. I’m not just looking for eye candy in a training partner, darling’ she says, getting into battle stance. 

With nothing left to say for the second time this week, I aim the sceptre at her and the stone at the end glows. 

She charges and I shoot at her, but she spins the glaive and creates a shield which absorbs the energy. 

She continues to charge at me. I shoot again, and again the glaive takes the hit. Not a scratch on her. 

Once she comes closer, she simply places the flat end of the weapon against my chest, sending me hurtling back into a wall. 

She spins the glaive and laughs. 

‘Compliments of Wakanda. It absorbs any hits and charges up with kinetic energy’. 

I get up on my feet. This is far from over. I create multiple illusions to surround her, all of them brandishing knives, Chitauri tech, and sceptres. 

‘Damn, suddenly my whole evening has opened up’ she says, looking around.

Even my clones look around at each other puzzled. 

‘Come on then, who’s up?’ she spins the glaive around. ‘One at a time or all at once, baby’. 

They charge at her, and I expected her to fight them off at once... instead she plants the staff on the ground and ducks, and a semi-circle shell grows from the top of the staff, down to the floor... like a mini fortress, completely impenetrable. It could, no doubt, continue to take hits and build up kinetic energy, so I call off the clones. 

She gets up and retracts the shell. ‘Nanotech’ she grins at me. ‘The whole shell sits in a disk. It can withstand bombs and even a moon’.  ‘Is there any tech you haven’t adopted?’  ‘I’m an intergalactic scavenger, aren’t I?’ 

I stare at her, horrified. Can she read minds? 

‘Maybe I can. Or maybe I heard you tell Stark when he was complaining about me finishing my weapon first’. 

Silence. 

‘Also, darling, you’re awfully predictable in your fighting’. 

She picks up every trick and tech she sees, so beating her is less about weapons and more about cunning. 

No problem. Cunning is my specialty. 

‘Ready now?’ she asks.  ‘Mhm’. 

She takes a deep breath to ready herself, her eyes shutting slightly. Once they open back up, she stares in shock. 

In my Jotun form, I give her my most menacing smile.

She cocks her head to the side, studying my icy blue skin. 

The illusion I cast of myself approaches behind her, dagger in hand. Once it’s close enough and I can almost taste my victory, she raises the glaive and in one swift motion, sticks it into its abdomen. 

The illusion disappears into green light. 

‘Cute’ she remarks. She points the glaive at me. ‘What else you got for me?’  I shift back to my Asgardian form and sigh. ‘You win’. 

Y/n laughs and lowers her weapon. ‘Oh darling, I won the second you walked in wearing all that leather’. She winks at me, then walks out of the facility. I feel a blush creep to my face, much against my will. 

-------------

‘Maybe you should stick to your guns, Tony’ Y/n says, ‘Fancy suits is it for you, chain hammers may be overshooting it’.  ‘Is that what they taught you in the back alley you learnt ironmongery from?’  ‘Yes! Do you want their number, I’m sure they’ll have a spot on the waiting list for you’. 

Ah. Y/n’s relationship with Stark seemed more like mine with Thor. While they banter, Steve and Natasha tear up from laughing. I wouldn’t go so far as to call this domestic, but it certainly is comfortable. 

‘Come on, the glaive can’t be that good, right Loki?’ Stark asks. 

The company looks at me expectantly. ‘To say her weapon isn’t good enough means to insult your own tech, Stark. Everything about it is founded on your theories’. 

‘So technically, it’s my brain that made the glaive so cool’ he tells Y/n.  ‘Yeah, you could say that. The glaive comes from the same mind that manufactured Captain America’s dinner plate’. 

Steve doesn’t find that one funny, but Natasha does, sending her into peals of laughter. 

‘Oh whatever’ Tony huffs. ‘I’m going back to the lab’. 

He stands up and Y/n grabs his arm. ‘Aww Tony, I’m just kidding!’ she pats his hand, ‘Look, you’re a brilliant inventor, we all have our slow days’. 

He sighs and nods, and holds her hand. ‘Thanks... I guess I’m just not in my element, you know?’  ‘Yeah...’ she keeps patting his hand. 

And the feeling of domesticity creeps in. We really are all a family. Y/n smiles encouragingly at Tony, and Tony seems more relaxed. 

‘So, you want me to get you the number of that ironmongery, or...?’  ‘OH FOR...’ he snatches his arm away and storms out of the room, with Steve and Nat losing it all over again. 

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Ah this was so fun!!!!!!!! I hope you guys liked it <3 

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