#doctor heart mender

[icarusmonsoon]

healed wounds, mender hearts pt III - rafe cameron

rafe cameron x reader

nothing much is going on in this chapter, just a filler chapter following the previous one. Hope you guys enjoy!

Part I

Part II

___________________________________________

The weight of the unconscious form in his arms felt both fragile and burdensome, like he was carrying a precious treasure that could shatter at any moment. Rafe's heart pounded in his chest, not just from the physical exertion of holding Y/n's body, but from the fear and guilt that clawed at him. He couldn't believe how much he had let things spiral out of control, how much he had lost sight of himself and the consequences of his actions.

Now, the consequences were staring him in the face, and he knew he had to make things right. Gently, he laid Y/n down on a nearby crate, his hands shaking with trepidation. His fingers hovered over her wound, unsure of what to do. He desperately wished he had some medical knowledge, but he wasn't even sure how to properly clean and dress the injury.

He berated himself for not paying attention during first aid classes, for being too reckless and impulsive.As the reality of the situation sunk in, Rafe's mind was flooded with regret and remorse. He remembered all the times he had acted callously, the times he had hurt people physically and emotionally, all in the pursuit of his father's approval. He thought about how he had let his obsession with the cross blind him to the real dangers around him, including the ones he had inadvertently caused.

Tears welled up in Rafe's eyes as he looked at Y/n's still form. He felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility for her well-being, and he knew he had to do everything in his power to ensure she survived. He took off his shirt and ripped it into strips, using them to try and staunch the bleeding from her wound. He winced as he saw her flinch in response to his touch, reminding him that he was the last person she would want taking care of her.

"I'm so sorry, Y/n," he whispered, his voice barely audible above the ship's noises. "I never meant for any of this to happen. I never wanted you to get hurt." He swallowed hard, trying to keep his emotions in check. He knew he couldn't afford to break down now; he had to stay focused and keep her safe.

With trembling hands, Rafe retrieved his phone again and dialed the ship's infirmary, praying that someone would pick up on the other end. He explained the situation as best as he could, stumbling over his words and trying to convey the urgency of the situation. When he finally got through to the doctor, he was instructed on how to stabilize Y/n until they could reach the infirmary.

Rafe felt a mix of relief and anxiety as he followed the doctor's instructions. He was afraid of doing something wrong, of causing more harm than good. He kept talking to Y/n, hoping that his voice would somehow reach her unconscious mind and let her know that he was trying to help.

As he waited for the medical team to arrive, Rafe's mind drifted to the events that led them to this moment. He thought about the treasure hunt, the rivalry between his family and the pogues, and how it had all escalated into this chaotic mess. He couldn't help but feel responsible for the violence and danger that had overtaken their lives.His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps.

The medical team had arrived, and Rafe quickly stepped back to give them space. He watched anxiously as they assessed Y/n's condition, their faces serious and focused. The doctor acknowledged Rafe with a nod, silently acknowledging his efforts in stabilizing her.

Rafe felt a mix of gratitude and guilt as the medical team took over. He knew he had done what he could, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he had caused all of this. He stayed by Y/n's side as they prepared to transport her to the infirmary, his heart heavy with worry and regret.

Once Y/n was safely in the hands of the medical professionals, Rafe found himself feeling lost. He didn't know what to do next, where to go, or how to face the consequences of his actions. He knew he had to confront his father and put an end to this dangerous quest for the cross, but he also knew that it wouldn't be easy on him. After all, Ward's validation is all he ever wanted. And he was so close to getting what he wants, in exchange of the safety of the only person he can ever think about. The person he genuinely have feelings for.

Rafe's not sure what his feelings are, what he actually want. But as he wandered through the ship, Rafe's mind was a whirlwind of emotions. But one thing he knows for sure, he genuinely cared about Y/n.

[ourflagmeansgifts]

Rating: T | NAWA | Words: 6,479

For teatreefrog (balthazarusrex), by @thequeenhasnolife

Relationships:

Stede Bonnet/Israel Hands

Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Israel Hands

Characters:

Israel Hands

Stede Bonnet

Lucius Spriggs

Frenchie (Our Flag Means Death)

Additional Tags:

Eventual Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet/Israel Hands

Whump

Israel Hands-centric

Israel Hands Needs a Hug

Israel Hands is Bad at Feelings

Israel Hands Loves Blackbeard | Edward Teach

Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy

Alternate Universe - Magic

Cuddling & Snuggling

Soft Stede Bonnet

Competent Stede Bonnet

The name of the shop was written in beautiful, delicate gold lettering. Bold and shiny, standing out in the busy city street. The building itself as just as popular every 30 minutes it had customers either going in or out. So at the very least, it seemed like it was popular. However, that might have just been because specialty magic crafting like this was still pretty rare even in a city as large as New Verona. When you need to go to a specialty place, go to the best. Izzy had been looking for it after his doctor recommended it. This was the place. Not that Izzy had even wanted to go to a heart mender. He didn't think he required it until the doctor practically yelled at him about how he had been ignoring his feelings. It felt a bit like a joke to have a doctor recommend that he seek an occult crafter about a problem. The doctor had run every test, and they had given him more than enough potions. Though doctors can care for most metaphysical and magic ailments, sometimes broken hearts are harder to fix. Not that Izzy believes he had a broken heart. 

[dazzlen-the-clown]

Decided I’m posting some lore info on my Slender Script (mansion rewrite) AU starting off with how the mansion functions in this AU! Click Read more if interested :)

BASICS

The mansion is a magically enchanted abandoned area; managed and controlled originally by Surrender. However, due to Surrender's now lack of magic control, it is now in disarray.

A never-ending, ever-changing mansion with only a few kept standards. Many inter-dimensional portals are hidden in random doors; attached to varying random dimensions such as the canonverse, 2010 fanonverse, or the Marble Hornets universe.

——————————————————

THE KEPT STANDARDS

There are only a few kept standards, here is the list.

- Technology: Some form of technology or set up gaming console ranging from the 70s to modern-day tech. It may appear anywhere and in multiple places. This is for the videogame-based creepypastas.

- Main dining hall: As expected, a kitchen and a general area to eat. How it appears may vary. One Moment it's a cafeteria, the next moment it's a formal dinner table.

- Circus: the circus is Laughing Jack's room, completely monochrome aside from a few rare occasions where color may appear. The room, like the rest, is randomly generated; however, it will always be a large room.

- Party room: "The Party Rooms", or less formally known as Splendor's room, are bright and colorful rooms with varying assortments of party items. One room may be inflatables galore, while another may be more of a pajama pillowfort-style party room. There are often multiple of this room.

- Clinic: The clinic is essentially the medical bay for all of the Creepypastas. Many medically based pastas are here frequently such as: Nurse Ann, MenderMan, and Doctor Smiley. Eyeless Jack also frequents here due to his medical expertise. This area also occasionally connects to Mender's room.

-Break Room: Mender's room, also frequently nicknamed "The Break room" due to its frequent connection to the Clinic, is a oddly heart-focused room aesthetic-wise, and tends to change with the clinic's layout.

- The Dresser: This is Trender's sewing/dress-up room. Usually filled to the brim with craft supplies he swears he'll use (he doesn't). Though he's eager to supply any pasta who comes across his sewing room a new outfit to wear.

- General pasta rooms: These will appear as soon as you are officially part of the group; however it may take time to generate. Each is unique to every creepypasta.

- His office: this is where Slender is most frequently found, at a long table office filled with books that seem to change each time you glance at the shelf.

- The Quiet Place: This is Surrender's room. It's relatively normal by Mansion Standards and is often in darker blue tones. It is impossible to speak in his room.

——————————————————

That's all for now! I will update next with Info on this AU's interpretation of the Slender Brothers (as well as explaining my offender replacement, Mender).

Have a lovely day/night! -Snazzy

[roman-catholic-mass-readings]

17th February >> Mass Readings (Except USA)

Saturday after Ash Wednesday 

(optional commemoration of The Seven Holy Founders of the Servite Order) (optional commemoration of Saint Fintan (Finan), Abbot)

(Liturgical Colour: Violet: B (2))

First Reading Isaiah 58:9-14 You will be like a spring whose waters never run dry.

The Lord says this:

If you do away with the yoke, the clenched fist, the wicked word, if you give your bread to the hungry, and relief to the oppressed, your light will rise in the darkness, and your shadows become like noon. The Lord will always guide you, giving you relief in desert places.

He will give strength to your bones and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters never run dry.

You will rebuild the ancient ruins, build up on the old foundations. You will be called ‘Breach-mender’, ‘Restorer of ruined houses.’

If you refrain from trampling the sabbath, and doing business on the holy day, if you call the Sabbath ‘Delightful’, and the day sacred to the Lord ‘Honourable’, if you honour it by abstaining from travel, from doing business and from gossip, then shall you find your happiness in the Lord and I will lead you triumphant over the heights of the land. I will feed you on the heritage of Jacob your father. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

The Word of the Lord

R/ thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm Psalm 85(86):1-6

R/ Show me, Lord, your way so that I may walk in your truth.

Turn your ear, O Lord, and give answer for I am poor and needy. Preserve my life, for I am faithful; save the servant who trusts in you.

R/ Show me, Lord, your way so that I may walk in your truth.

You are my God, have mercy on me, Lord, for I cry to you all the day long. Give joy to your servant, O Lord, for to you I lift up my soul.

R/ Show me, Lord, your way so that I may walk in your truth.

O Lord, you are good and forgiving, full of love to all who call. Give heed, O Lord, to my prayer and attend to the sound of my voice.

R/ Show me, Lord, your way so that I may walk in your truth.

Gospel Acclamation cf. Psalm 94:8

Glory to you, O Christ, you are the Word of God! Harden not your hearts today, but listen to the voice of the Lord. Glory to you, O Christ, you are the Word of God!

Or: Ezekiel 33:11

Glory to you, O Christ, you are the Word of God! I take pleasure, not in the death of a wicked man – it is the Lord who speaks – but in the turning back of a wicked man who changes his ways to win life. Glory to you, O Christ, you are the Word of God!

Gospel Luke 5:27-32 Jesus comes not to call the virtuous, but sinners to repentance.

Jesus noticed a tax collector, Levi by name, sitting by the customs house, and said to him, ‘Follow me.’ And leaving everything he got up and followed him.

In his honour Levi held a great reception in his house, and with them at table was a large gathering of tax collectors and others. The Pharisees and their scribes complained to his disciples and said, ‘Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?’ Jesus said to them in reply, ‘It is not those who are well who need the doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the virtuous, but sinners to repentance.’

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

[mangodelorean]

Su Yeol/Doctor Heart Mender in a nutshell

[Bad and Crazy, Episode 12]

[anywherexwhen]

breaking trust and time

[continued from here] with @braveheartoswald​

She shouldn't have done it.

Clara had been good about employing self-control until...that moment. In that moment, she got overconfident. She allowed herself to indulge in such an impulsive act. All it took was a time machine and a want to make things right.

"...I'm sorry," she said, her voice almost pleading. "Please...I don't wanna give this up!"

Going back and trying to save someone from death went against his rules. Time's rules. And she had attempted just that...She had gone back and tried to save Danny Pink. The Doctor had picked up on that...And now he wasn't too happy with her.

“You should have thought about that before you went and reordered Time!” The Doctor snapped. He was seething. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so angry. So... betrayed. So blind.

To say that The Doctor had picked up on what Clara was doing was a generous overstatement. She’d asked him, begged him, for a trip back home, and he hadn’t even thought to question what was so special about the date she’d picked. He’d trusted her. Stupidly assumed she would tell him everything soon enough. He'd left her alone when she’d begged off, citing time with family, and he’d been happy to do so. After all, all of his companions had gotten homesick now and again. He was used to indulging those strange, sweeter impulses of humanity.

And then he’d seen the Reapers. The huge, reptilian bat-like creatures had come swooping down out of the sky, cordoning off an area near Clara’s school, and his hearts had nearly stopped. For a moment, he’d thought they were there for him -- that his traveling with his future companion, a woman he had no right to know in the here and now, had somehow called these monstrous menders of time down from where they rested in the Vortex. Then he’d seen the bubble, a thin, warped space quarantining the breach where the rip in Space-Time had occurred, and that sinking feeling had started to settle in. By the time he’d found Clara and hauled her back to the TARDIS, by the time she’d told him what she had done, the Reapers were swarming around the quarantine bubble in flocks so thick, they obscured the school completely from view.

The Doctor ran his hand through his hair, over and over again as he stared down at the monitor.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” he raged. “You lied to me! You’ve broken one of the most sacred, the most fundamental laws of Time! You brought Danny Pink from the dead, AND NOW YOU’VE LOST HIM!” He whipped around to face her, fury and desperation fighting in his expression as he tried to make sense of it. “Those things out there are going to consume the entire planet to find him, but who gives a damn about that, so long as you can go swanning off with your boyfriend! This is what you wanted, isn’t it? This is what you’ve been planning all along. So what is it, revenge? You hate your Doctor so much, you decide to take him out of the time stream completely? What, did he tell you stories about me? Did he sing you to sleep with little stories about the lonely man in his big blue box? Did you steal that TARDIS, then? Leave him stranded somewhere, to come hunting for me, because you knew I’m the only one who would be stupid enough to look the other way? Then you get the TARDIS. You get Danny. And no more Doctor to stand in your way. Blimey, Clara, The Master could have learned a thing or two about manipulation from you! ‘Oh Doctor, let’s travel together!’ ‘Oh Doctor, neither of us has to be alone!’ BULLSHIT! And I fell for it! I believed you!”

[imsickofthisshit96]

Welp, I know one thing for sure tho...the doctor at the heart mender clinic will make sure ryu never steps a foot in his office anymore. Dragged him in all of his crazy ass shenanigans

[lalamines]

a reprieve

Her hands do not tremble.

She feels almost nothing. Empty and blank as she stares upon the corpse that she herself created. It does not register has a s strange or bizarre. Mercedes barely gives it a second though - there is still much work to be done. 

Eir needs attending to. Many of her allies are still injured rather seriously. Kana’s cries of pain reach her ears and she turns away from Lidiya. Spills not a single tear - not for her.

Mercedes reaches Kana’s side, hands smothered in gentle light, quite unlike that which she used to strike down their foe. She is healer, first and foremost. A mender of broken hearts and broken bones. Lidiya’s fall is not the end of her work here - far from it. It’s the beginning of it in earnest, where she doesn’t need to worry that every wound she heals will be replaced by five more. Her attention is focused upon the living and what she can do for them. How to ease their pain, quicken the healing process and make them whole once more. As she works she spares neither thought no prayer for Lidiya and Mercury.

It’s an arduous process but one she is not alone in - Raigh, Mist, Micaiah and Ishtar pitch in, until everyone is back on their feet. Almost everyone. Eir will require more care than they can offer here, in the ruins of a villa that became a battlefield. She will live to see another day though - an answer to Mercedes’ prayers.

As they leave, to find a doctor and shelter, she lingers.

The weight of what she has done does not burden her. Not even slightly - it’s that which causes her concern. The thought she has become so accustomed to the necessity of taking life.

Her actions were righteous though, in defence of her friends, allies. People she holds dear. There is not a hint of remorse or regret clawing at the throat. She’d do it over again and again, unfettered and unabated. Perhaps it was the goddess who empowered her casting, her will that Lidiya had to fall. Mercedes has always been loathe to deny her grace and majesty but it feels a little more complex than that. She chose to act of her own volition. Whilst the goddess seemed to approve her disdain would not have stopped her.

“I had to protect my friends.” Mercedes whispers to herself, still gazing into Lidiya’s now empty eyes. When all is said and done, it really is that simple. Lidiya did not deserve her clemency and she will not beg anyone, not even the goddess for forgiveness.

She would not weep or tremble, nor cower away and hide. For there was nothing worse than seeing people she loved come to harm.

[sisterssafespace]

Salaam sister, I have been in and out of many mental health practices - doctors, hospitals, psychologists. So, I recently was diagnosed with a disorder and my husband doesn’t know about this. I haven’t really mentioned how bad my mental health has suffered over the years.

Anyway, I decided to try to mention it to him but, considering I’m quite sensitive. His reaction was one of I want to know because of my curiosity rather than caring? I could also be looking into things too much which is a symptom of this disorder. I never really brought it up again or explained it all.

The biggest issue I have is that this disorder makes it difficult to be a mother. Many children who have grown up with mothers with this disorder have ended up with other disorders. There is also a genetic aspect to it so, I’m just struggling on what to do. My father played a big role in the deterioration of my mental health and I’m worried that I’ll carry this on.

Wa Alaikum assalamu wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu :)

Bismillahi arrahmani arrahim, it pains me to sense the confusion, the disorientation, the concern, the worry, and the saddness in your words my beautiful sister. When it comes to mental health, one suffering sister is as if all of us are suffering, sübhanallah. So first of All, I pray that Allah swt would have mercy on you, soothe your heart and calm your worries, amen.

The Prophet (ﷺ) used to say, "O Allah! I seek refuge with You from worry and grief, from incapacity and laziness, from cowardice and miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overpowered by (other) men." (See Hadith No. 374)

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحَزَنِ، وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ، وَالْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ، وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ، وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ.

Now, I want you to follow my trail of thoughts, one step at a time:

First and foremost, the fact that you have already sought professional help is a brave thing! At least now I don't have to convince you to see a therapist, I just have to convince to change your therapist and try a new one 😅🙈

But seriously, I don't think anyone (human) but a specialist can give you much help on this matter, my dear. Actually, the real help comes from Allah swt and the Ultimate refuge and shelter is Allah swt, Al-Hadi the guider, Al-Jabbar the mender, Al- Rahman, Al-Raheem.. and Allah's help in your situation os thought through making extensive duaa, sticking to prayer, making sure you pray on time, reading your comfort surahs that are full with positive lessons and stories with happy endings, and that narrate how Allah swt comes to the rescue and the help of his righteous believers like surat Yusuf (12), surat Al Kahf (18), surat Maryam (19), surat Ta Ha (20) , etc. Also, like I said before praying Tahajjud works miracles, and if you can, self ruqyah will in shaa Allah put your heart at ease.

Now though, I want to talk about your husband's reaction that actually triggered or frustrated you. I have experienced a very similar situation that had me running to my therapist complaining that this very important person in my life keeps " disregarding " my feelings and showing very little concern to my mental health. You know what she said? She said " maybe the reason why they don't want to dig deep into it is because they can't handle it. Maybe they hurt just by seeing you hurt and they know that they can't do much about it at this point so it pains them. Maybe their own mental health state can't allow them to take in yours as well. " So how about that, huh? Before pointing fingers at your husband (like I tend to do to people around me), don't you want to give them the benefit of the doubt and consider other explanations..? Think about it.

I live with anxiety and OCD, and I know that on the scale of mental disorders, mine are not being recognized high in the scale of seriousness or harm, after all, I am living with them, they never had me hospitalized (so far, Alhamdulillah) - and I do have PTSD but I don't talk about it. Don't get me wrong I am not showing off AstaghfiruAllah, this is not competition, I am just opening up to you and showing you that it is okay to name it, what you have, it is okay to admit it, to own it, to make peace with it, God knows acceptance makes your life much easier. Anyways, what I am trying to say is, my OCD comes from my father and my paternal aunt, so I hear you when you worry about your kids, genetically speaking. However, generalizing and assuming that your disorder will lead to damaging your children's mental health and have them raised 'unstable' is not valid my dear. We can't assume that because a) we are not therapists and neuroscientists, and b) anything can affect the child's personality, so don't put the guilt on your shoulders. Guilt is like a fire burning inside of us, and it only ruins us. Nothing good ever comes out of it. I say, instead of exhausting yourself with these feelings of guilt and fear, maybe open up about them to a professional and try to come up with a plan that helps you care for your children (with your partner) as healthily as possible. You see, your partner's support is a must. But maybe you should give him time to digest the information? Maybe he needs to be spoken to one more time? When he is in a good mood, free, no distractions, and you have all his attention.. maybe you should just ask him to come with you to a therapist meeting? I really really think you shouldn't give up, you shouldn't let it scare you or hold you back, if you really love this guy and he really loves you too, then he will care (I am sure he really does my dear, I am sure he does, but men and women don't use the same love/ communication language). You need to be as clear and open as possible with him. Some men don't get us, they need us to actually put it out for them like : I feel that when you reacted this way and said this and that, it felt like you didn't really care and that actually upset me. Chances are? He never meant it like that nor did he realize that you understood it that way. Wallahi. You need to be flexible and ready to listen to him as well, with no previous judgment or assumptions whatsoever. Umm, I think I lost my trail of thoughts but kheir in shaa Allah. Try again with him, you've got nothing to lose and so much to win. In shaa Allah he will cooperate. But anyways, family support is very very important for people with mental disorders. And it would be really amazing if you could find some comfort in groups with people with the same disorder. A support system is a must. I really hope you can find the kind of people to help you and your family process this.

May Allah swt grant you shifae, ease your affairs and reward you for your patience. Ameen.

Stay safe, and let go of the guilt my dear.

- A.Z. 🍃

[deyensee]

I can’t pretend to be someone I am not.

I am not a strong man. I am not forgiving. I am not loving or selfless or compassionate.

I am arrogant and selfish and prideful and inadequate and insufficient. I am rude.

I can’t look past my hurt. I’m not that strong. I can’t love in the face of pain. I’m not that strong.

I hurt the ones I care about. I get hurt and so I hurt back. That’s weak. That’s the most unmanly thing I can possibly thing of. A man is supposed to be someone who is willing to suffer for the sake of the ones he loves. A bulwark of protection. A bastion of security.

And here is me. A toddler playing with nukes. Who is both completely convinced of his ability to self-navigate through life, while being completely convinced of how he is utterly and wholly incapable of navigating through life with any degree of satisfaction.

I am riddled with insecurities to the point that Swiss cheese looks well founded.

I think I’m in a good place to be, though, because I’ve finally stopped believing the lie we all tell ourselves.

“I am enough”

I am not enough. The only thing my self sufficiency will ever get me is death.

I am not enough to truly love and feel empathy for the man on the corner who propagates hatred.

I am not enough to truly forgive wrong done to me

I am not enough to be the man that can speak words of life and healing into someone else’s brokenness.

I am not enough to support myself, let alone anyone else, in any way.

I am not enough to satisfy anyone else. Live for the praise of man? Why would I ever subject myself to that hell? Oh, wait.

I started believing the lie that I could become enough as God works in me. Then I morphed that to just “I could be enough”. Then, I morphed that to “I am enough”. And now here I am back in reality. I was created to be dependent. There are a million things I could fit into the hole of need and dependency within me, but only one thing is right.

I am not enough to grow in or seek or understand or walk down the right path with God.

But that is why he calls for us to come as children. Wholly in acknowledgment of our insufficiency. I acknowledge I lack the motivation and strength to seek Him. I acknowledge every way that I know of in which I am not enough. I acknowledge that I am broken.

And I acknowledge that I need a mender. A healer. A doctor. A savior.

So, I come humble and broken, with a shattered heart and broken desires and all of my insufficiency, to ask that You would work me in whatever way You want to work me. Create in me a clean heart, oh God. Shape and mold me, as you have been and are doing and will continue to do. I come with no expectations or hopes or reservations or caveats or stipulations or aspirations. I just ask that You do what You think is best, because I trust You (in the mustard seed way that I do).

Be my strength. Be my heart. By my ability. Be my sufficiency. Don’t be “everything that I’m not”, be my everything. Don’t just help me, as if you would come along beside and bolster my efforts. Be my effort.

Not only my feet, Lord.

[failureisn0tfatal-blog]

Just another break up poem I have found from high school. ©️ 30.09.2009 h.loaney

I stare at the ceiling whilst tears stream down my face, A familiar feeling but I feel so out of place.

The deafening sound piercing my ears, Reality becomes a part of my fears.

So I stay on the bed and try not to move, The only place I’m safe, I’m willing to prove..

The world is my enemy I’m sure I’m all alone, i’ve been abandoned in the only place I’ve ever known.

And as I remember the past it all sinks in, i’m no longer so innocent or without sin.

I’m my own worst enemy and my enemies best friend, i’ve lost myself and now happiness can only be pretend.

To get through the day a fake smile is planted and I face the world cold heartedly without a care in the world it would seem, but inside I’m craving attention never before seen.

I long for you to come and fix the hole in my heart, Be the doctor of my feelings and mender of my world. But I continue to lay here, eyes wet as you don’t show, so I think of giving up on you, but can’t because for some reason, my heart still says no.

[moonlifter-archive]

RP . Mirthful Savant

[ BASIC INFORMATION ]

[FULL NAME]   Birdie Ardilad.

[PRONOUNCED]   Burr - dee Arr - dih - lad

[GENDER]   Female.

[AGE]  Thirty-eight.

[NAMEDAY]   1st Sun of the 1st Astral Moon (1/1).

[RACE]   Hume.

[LANGUAGES]   Common.

[HANDEDNESS]   Left.

[ APPEARANCE ]

[HAIR]   Pale blonde with a darker fade to brown at the tips. Kept short and almost always pulled back in some manner of simple braid, Birdie has a general distaste for the heat and likes to keep her hair off her neck. Sideswept bangs often fall into her eyes or end up tucked behind her ears.

[EYES]   Pale, mossy green.

[COMPLEXION]   Lighter tan.

[HEIGHT]   5′7″

[BUILD]   Lean-muscled, lithe and thin. What she lacks in physical stature she makes up in endurance alone.

[POSTURE]   Extremely proper; never slouches and has a hard time relaxing even in casual settings.

[SCARS]   A long cut across the bridge of her nose.

[MARKINGS]   A single white tattoo on her left cheek, just beneath her eye. It’s an odd sigil, and one not commonly known throughout Norvrandt.

[MANNER OF DRESS]   Light, practical clothing with minor ornamentation, if any at all. Satchels and packs are the girl’s best friends, and you’ll never see her without her glasses or grimoire.

[ COMBAT SKILL ]

[COMBAT CLASS]   Artificer.

[MELEE PROFICIENCY]   None  |  Low  |  Intermediate  |  High  |  Masterful

[RANGED PROFICIENCY]   None  |  Low  |  Intermediate  |  High  |  Masterful

[MAGICAL PROFICIENCY]   None  |  Low  |  Intermediate  |  High  |  Masterful

[HEALING PROFICIENCY]   None  |  Low  |  Intermediate  |  High  |  Masterful

[WEAPONRY]  A grimoire bound and penned by her own hand, various alchemical tinctures, a few curious gizmos, and a small dagger.

[ARMOR]  Very rarely will Birdie don any armor heavier than some lightly-plated gauntlets and greaves for her fieldwork.

[COMBAT STRENGTHS]   Potent healing and mitigation magicks. Surprising approaches to difficult situations, extremely fast when she needs to be.

[COMBAT WEAKNESSES]  Birdie has minimal experience in battle, despite her deep understanding of offensive magicks, and as such, is prone to fight or flight panic when faced with extreme threats, and Birdie will almost always resort to flight. This naivety often only worsens her predicament and has landed her in no small amount of trouble before.

[ EARLY YEARS ]

[HOMELAND]   Eulmore, Kholusia.

[PARENTS]   Bryany Ardilad (father) and Lene Ardilad (mother), deceased.

[SIBLINGS]   Atel, Elys, and Laisa (younger sisters), deceased.

[CLASS STATUS]   🔒

[REASON FOR LEAVING]   🔒

[ LATER YEARS ]

[PAST RESIDENCE]   Wright, Kholusia.

[PAST OCCUPATION]   General labor, doctor, and mender; anything to get by.

[PAST FINANCIAL STATUS]   Severe poverty.

[PAST SOCIAL STATUS]   Derelict.

[PAST RELATIONSHIPS]   🔒

[REASON FOR LEAVING]   🔒

[ PRESENT DAY ]

[RESIDENCE]   The Crystarium, Lakeland.

[OCCUPATION]   Researcher, scholar, and scribe.

[AFFILIATIONS]   The Cabinet of Curiosity, the Hortorium, and Spagyrics.

[FINANCIAL STATUS]   Graciously funded through her projects and medical work, though she often donates what she makes to the relief efforts of the Crystarium.

[SOCIAL STATUS]   Respected in her fields for her knowledge and understanding.

[RELATIONSHIP STATUS]   Married to her work and wouldn’t know any form of flirtation if it bit her.

[PRESENT FRIENDSHIPS]   Well-acquainted with those of the Cabinet, Hortorium, the Mean, and the medics of Spagyrics.

[VICES]   Workaholic, occasional smoker.

[ ROMANCE & SEX ]

[GENDER IDENTITY]   Cisgender Female.

[ROMANTIC ORIENTATION]  Demi-biromantic.

[SEXUAL ORIENTATION]   Demi-bisexual.

[ PERSONALITY TRAITS ]

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

[ HOOKS ]

CABINET OF CURIOSITY Working as a keeper of knowledge alongside her colleagues within the Cabinet is Birdie’s passion. Collecting and protecting what small amount of texts remain after the Flood of Light has been the woman’s main pursuit, specifically that pertaining to the lost kingdoms of Voeburt and Nabaath. Insatiably inquisitive, Birdie is an easily accessed fount of knowledge for the curious of heart, and more than eager to engage in academic conversations.

THE HORTORIUM With a fondness for flowers possessing the woman ever since she was a young girl, Birdie often finds herself in the company of the botanists and agricultural engineers of the Hortorium. Whether it’s collecting samples from the field, tending to the plants, or observing and partaking in the Facet’s experiments, she’s always happy to assist in bettering the denizens of the Crystarium.

SPAGYRICS MEDIC Birdie’s skills in both aetherial and practical medicine are made of great use at the medical bay within the Crystarium, and soldiers unfortunate (or, fortunate, perhaps) to find themselves beneath her care always remember the woman’s smiling face and soothing practices. The woman often goes beyond what’s required of her and has made a habit of lingering at the bedside of the most gruesome of patients for bells, keeping them company and telling them stories to not only provide succor for their injuries but for their spirits as well.

HAPPY TO HELP! If there’s one thing Birdie’s particularly good at, it’s lending a hand. If you catch her with a moment to spare -- or even without -- and request the woman’s aid, she will happily tack it on to her never-ending to-do list. From petty errands to scouring the towering shelves of the Cabinet for a tome on some niche subject, to fieldwork, Birdie’s your girl. Even if she lack’s the means to accomplish your task, there’s nothing stopping her from trying or finding someone better suited for your needs.

KHOLUSIAN REFUGEE It's no secret the woman hails from the island-country of Kholusia, open book that she is, but there are things every heart harbours -- even one as cheery and warm as Birdie’s. Inquiring on her time spent within the shadow of the paradisical Eulmore often earns a stern look otherwise unbecoming of the woman, turning her cold and cagey. Outright dismissal of the subject is not uncommon, though natives to the land may distantly recall her...

FRIEND OF THE FAE In her adventures, Birdie has somehow managed to befriend one of the impish pixies from the faerie kingdom of Il Mheg. Fo Bhlà, or Flo, has Birdie’s constant companion for the past ten cycles. Though their union remains somewhat of a mystery to most, Flo has proven less disruptive than anticipated, given pixies’ natural penchant for mischief, and is surprisingly as eager as Birdie is to help where they’re able.

OPEN TO IDEAS! Really, I’m open to most plots and interactions, so long as they’re discussed prior. If something sparks your interest in RPing with Birdie that isn’t listed here, just reach out! I like hearing others’ ideas and input, and am more than willing to collaborate in writing a story we both will enjoy and benefit from! RP is a two-way street!

[ OOC ]

Please check my RP Dos/Don’ts before contacting me.

I work full-time hours and live in EST, so please be understanding of time restraints and availability! I sometimes can take a day or so to respond to even my closest friends depending on my energy levels/business, so patience is key!

Birdie is an alt, which means she is not my most active RP character, and won’t be. Please understand this before contacting me if you’re wanting something more frequent/dedicated than what I can provide.

Birdie is a First Shard native, and therefore unavailable for RP in areas on the Source.

Feel free to ask any questions by sending me an ask or IM on Tumblr, or DMing me directly if you’re part of the BRPN Discord.

[thedarknesssings]

Heart prompt for any of your elves; especially if you have one who hasn’t been asked, but you wish they had been.

Viscount Sathyrios de Sanguemont on Doctor Mathias Vanelle

VISUAL ATTRACTIVENESS: 💗💗💗💗

“A handsome enough fellow with such striking eyes.  He reminds me of snow and night.”  Sathyrios smiled, fingers sliding over the fine fabric of his white robes.  A hint of colour touched at the tips of his elongated ears.  “Such things to ask a gentleman on another.”

FRIENDSHIP LEVEL: 💔

Sathyrios shook his head, snow-white hair dusted against his shoulders. “I’ve yet to make his direct acquaintance.  And here I thought I had seen every mender within malms around Ishgard.  A shame I missed him.”  The corners of Sathyrios’ lips curled upwards.  “Perhaps I will change that.”

SEXUAL DESIRE: 💗

Crimson shot up Sathyrios’ ears and flooded across his face.  The hue utterly ruined his pallid marble complexion.  He rubbed gloved fingertips against one heated cheek.  “I, uh, can’t say.  I don’t know the man.  I am, I mean, there are certain things…”  He trails off, swallowing heavily with another shake of his head.  “This is a delicate situation and topic for more reasons than what may be obvious.”

ROMANTIC INTENT: 💔

Another vigorous shake of his head.  There’d been no time to let the heat in his face calm and now he was fairly sure new shade of red might be discovered.  “I am no teller of the future so what may come to be, I can not comment on.  For the moment, no, I’ve no intentions of romance, with him or anyone.”

—–

(Thank you for the ask!  Hope this was alright :D )

[brassikarts]

Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from?

Three noteworthy ones for my folks:

Val has a starburst-shaped scar right above the spot where her heart lies.  You don’t see it unless you’re hanging around her without a shirt (which, none of you are, as far as I know) but it’s a relic from when she had a friend take her soul out to ‘smooth’ out the rough edges and potentially help with her sensory issues.  It did, to an extent, but it took a lot of energy to shove her soul back in and it’s not something she wants to undertake (and possibly couldn't if she wanted to) again.

Her second major scar is a healed wound from when she let an arrow sit in her calf for longer than is really recommended (of course, getting shot with them is not something doctors recommend in the first place).  Hani, her sister, took it out over the events of Road to Moonglade and @serelia-evensong helped heal the wound, but it’s present and visible anyway.

Justus has one, an ugly scar on his side from when he attempted to take on a few too many ghouls and undead things at a time during his stint in Darkshire. His crappy, hand-me-down armour dented and went INTO his side.  That wound was healed by @mender-emilia ages ago, but has left a mark that, again, you wouldn’t see unless he was wandering around shirtless.

@safrona-shadowsun

[roman-catholic-mass-readings]

25th February >> Mass Readings (Except USA)

Saturday after Ash Wednesday 

(Liturgical Colour: Violet. Year A(1))

First Reading Isaiah 58:9-14 You will be like a spring whose waters never run dry.

The Lord says this:

If you do away with the yoke, the clenched fist, the wicked word, if you give your bread to the hungry, and relief to the oppressed, your light will rise in the darkness, and your shadows become like noon. The Lord will always guide you, giving you relief in desert places.

He will give strength to your bones and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters never run dry.

You will rebuild the ancient ruins, build up on the old foundations. You will be called ‘Breach-mender’, ‘Restorer of ruined houses.’

If you refrain from trampling the sabbath, and doing business on the holy day, if you call the Sabbath ‘Delightful’, and the day sacred to the Lord ‘Honourable’, if you honour it by abstaining from travel, from doing business and from gossip, then shall you find your happiness in the Lord and I will lead you triumphant over the heights of the land. I will feed you on the heritage of Jacob your father. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm Psalm 85(86):1-6

R/ Show me, Lord, your way so that I may walk in your truth.

Turn your ear, O Lord, and give answer for I am poor and needy. Preserve my life, for I am faithful; save the servant who trusts in you.

R/ Show me, Lord, your way so that I may walk in your truth.

You are my God, have mercy on me, Lord, for I cry to you all the day long. Give joy to your servant, O Lord, for to you I lift up my soul.

R/ Show me, Lord, your way so that I may walk in your truth.

O Lord, you are good and forgiving, full of love to all who call. Give heed, O Lord, to my prayer and attend to the sound of my voice.

R/ Show me, Lord, your way so that I may walk in your truth.

Gospel Acclamation cf. Psalm 94:8

Glory to you, O Christ, you are the Word of God! Harden not your hearts today, but listen to the voice of the Lord. Glory to you, O Christ, you are the Word of God!

Or: Ezekiel 33:11

Glory to you, O Christ, you are the Word of God! I take pleasure, not in the death of a wicked man – it is the Lord who speaks – but in the turning back of a wicked man who changes his ways to win life. Glory to you, O Christ, you are the Word of God!

Gospel Luke 5:27-32 Jesus comes not to call the virtuous, but sinners to repentance.

Jesus noticed a tax collector, Levi by name, sitting by the customs house, and said to him, ‘Follow me.’ And leaving everything he got up and followed him.

In his honour Levi held a great reception in his house, and with them at table was a large gathering of tax collectors and others. The Pharisees and their scribes complained to his disciples and said, ‘Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?’ Jesus said to them in reply, ‘It is not those who are well who need the doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the virtuous, but sinners to repentance.’

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

[mangodelorean]

Bad and Crazy - Episode 08 recap/musings

[tvN, just give us the full OST release, you 새끼들]

Back in Hallway of the Id, Su Yeol opens a door marked 521 as his strained narration recalls his birth name: In Jae Hui. Behind the door is an awful memory: His pre-teen self is being thrown around a room by his father.

Su Yeol [v.o.]: I was beaten up more days than I had food. After my father died, I was adopted right away.

An offscreen voice asks how his father died; Su Yeol says in a fire, but he was told he wasn't there because he ran away after that day's beating. Even now, he remembers neither the day of his father's death nor the 6 months leading up to it.

He runs to chase his younger self, but the hallway is never-ending and seems to palpably reverb around him. Intercut with his childhood nightmare/memory of running past those tents, Su Yeol loses steam and crumbles to the floor, clutching his chest as the voice tells him he can't keep running.

Catching his breath, he sees K, who silently holds out his hand. With some trepidation, Su Yeol takes it, and then—!

Flash!cut to Su Yeol waking up at Doctor Heart Mender's, who warns him he's on his way to adding a panic disorder to his list of ailments if he keeps wandering off during his hypnoses. He's worried about triggering Su Yeol's trauma. Su Yeol wonders out loud why K was there and, over tea, if K is linked to his childhood. He's worried that K might sabotage his sessions with the work-appointed therapist.

Su Yeol: When I talk about my childhood with that therapist, K might just show up without warning. Right?

Doc: You see... Some therapists are more competent than others. And it is rare to meet such a competent therapist like myself.

Su Yeol dismisses this by freaking out over Doctor McFlirtypants: "He's nothing like you. He's super-sharp and observant. I think he can easily see through people." [Ha. But rude.] Doc tries to assure him that all therapists seem sharp at first since that's their "business model" and some even act like shamans, but Su Yeol isn't convinced and leaves in a wake of insults.

K pops up during Su Yeol's drive home and tries to tell him that everything will work out, especially given Su Yeol's donation to the shelter that Doctor McFlirtypants works at. A grumbling Su Yeol asks K when he's going to leave since he promised to fuck off after they saved Hui Gyeom and caught Gye Sik, but K reminds him what Doctor Heart Mender said: that he can't just leave of his own accord.

Su Yeol asks K why he was in his dream, and if he remembers any of his childhood, but K jokes that he saved him and brings up a time when he broke Dong Yeol's robot and then lied about it. Su Yeol asks if K remembers anything around his father's death, but he changes topic to Hui Gyeom. Su Yeol eye-rolls at this but then recalls that kiss. This does not go unnoticed by K:

K: What are you thinking about right now...?

Su Yeol: [babbling] What? I didn't think about anything.

K: Why is your face getting red like you're aroused?

Su Yeol: No it's not! If it's red, it must be because you're making me mad.

[pause]

Su Yeol: Be quiet. I'm driving.

K: [eyes narrow]

Elsewhere, a young woman in a yellow raincoat turns herself into a police station. She's covered in blood. She thinks she killed her father. She collapses. As the cops call for medical help, we see what's fallen from her person: a bag of The Eye.

Back in Munyang, Su Yeol checks in with Bong Pil, who's trying out some meditation, which doesn't work, because Su Yeol's there, the dickhead. They talk about the new therapist, and before Su Yeol can whinge about stopping, Bong Pil tells him that he's tired of having their agency's failures plastered all over the news (and hearing about it from the Commissioner).

Talk turns to the patricide case, and Su Yeol asks if the murdered dad wasn't a cop who worked in their district. In trying to stay calm, Bong Pil laughs like a haunted doll. It's delightfully creepy. To an unsettled Su Yeol: "Why?... If you know who it is, are you going to send a plant for condolences?"

Bong Pil asks him for a timeline on ridding their district of The Eye. Su Yeol says that's Narcotics's job, but Bong Pil points out that Su Yeol arrested like, all of Narcotics, because I guess apparently he forgot. Dumbass. Bong Pil says that Final Girl Hui Gyeom is going to support Anti-Corruption for now, but Su Yeol's not happy with this:

Su Yeol: What? Why her?

Bong Pil: [shouting] Why? Why? WHY? WHY are you so surprised? You and Lee Hui Gyeom started this whole mess! Stop complaining and go out there. Get rid of all the Eyes, Eyeballs, or whatever it's called!

Bong Pil sends him off by practically smashing his singing bowl off its stand as his meditation tape croons, "It's all right". Pfft.

Elsewhere, Hui Gyeom gets a product placement essence balm, and is interrupted mid-application by Su Yeol, who joins her in the car with a suspicious K. It's fantastically awkward. The two talk shop, and when Hui Gyeom checks in that he got home safely "that night", K shoots daggers at Su Yeol, who ponders the outside dust levels. Ha.

Later, K collars Su Yeol and asks if anything happened between him and Hui Gyeom to which Su Yeol, of course, lies.

Su Yeol recognises the house of the patricide case. The murder victim, Baek Jung Hak, was a senior officer he and Jae Seon nabbed previously. Hui Gyeom notices that none of the items in the house belong to a young woman/Raincoat Girl.

At the station, Hui Gyeom questions Raincoat Girl, who is named Baek Young Joo, but the girl can't remember anything – neither about the drugs, nor how her father died.

On the other side of the glass, Jae Seon, Su Yeol and Gyeong Tae talk about how the girl's school teacher once filed an abuse report against her father, and that her mother is uncontactable in the US. Su Yeol recalls first meeting Young Joo as a high-school kid, when she gave him her father's ledger to incriminate him:

Young Joo: Will you be able to arrest him with this?

[beat]

Young Joo: Then... Will he not come home anymore?

Back in present-day, Gyeong Tae wonders why she didn't just run away, since she wasn't a minor anymore.

Su Yeol: I bet she tried that already. Multiple times. And she probably realised... that she had no place to go.

Su Yeol doesn't think she'll talk, so asks the two to check her bank statements for a paper trail.

A short while later, he drops by Baby Prosecutor's new office with a welcome plant, but is quickly accosted by a shaman who was smacking BP with her fan but is now smacking an increasingly flummoxed Su Yeol.

Turns out she's BP's mum, who pops in to serve fruit and comments on Su Yeol's "wonderful face". Ha. BP agrees to take on Young Joo's case, and is interrupted by Hui Gyeom, who's also stopped by with a plant gift.

Su Yeol walks Hui Gyeom to her car, and they talk about Young Joo, implying that both of them contacted BP to take on her case. Su Yeol regrets sending her dad home back then. Hui Gyeom says he did his best.

On his way home, the new therapist calls Su Yeol about that day's missed appointment, and offers the following day, but Su Yeol says he's too busy. The therapist says to just drop by anytime, and hangs up before watching some of Su Yeol's recorded session – when he denied seeing anyone else in the room.

Gyeong Tae and Jae Seon find the Yellow Raincoat shop, but note that it was a 40-minute drive from Young Joo's home, so it doesn't make sense why she 1. came here at all and 2. paid with a credit card. Jae Seon chalks it up to just unpredictable drug behaviour, but the two press on.

Meanwhile, Baby Prosecutor [I should just start calling him by his actual name, Nam] visits Young Joo in hospital and assures her that he's on her side. He's trying his best, bless him, but Young Joo is spaced out, and only asks for today's date.

At the station, the team gathers around Gyeong Tae's desk to watch footage from Young Joo's laptop of her fatally stabbing her father. In the video, she's eerily calm, and says she's "woken up", before turning to the camera and asking what's next. Hui Gyeom says they're trying to trace the video's recipient but it's taking some time since Young Joo used a dark web IP address. And, as if this case couldn't get any sadder, the team get a phone call from the hospital.

There, an orderly tells Su Yeol and Hui Gyeom that Young Joo had started to talk again, but suddenly her mood changed and she tried to take her own life. Su Yeol tells Hui Gyeom to keep watch outside her room, but doesn't say where he's going.

At poor Doctor Heart Mender's office, our competent therapist watches Young Joo's video through his fingers. "I hate scary, cruel stuff." He proffers that Su Yeol just fuck off with it to his fancy new therapist since he's so in love with him, but Su Yeol says he can't since he ditched him earlier. Doc says it's just too much to watch.

So then, to remind us that Su Yeol is a bastarding little shit who would shamelessly shaft even a non-corporeal entity to get his own way, he pretends that K is about to beat the Doc to death with something, and thus Doc hastily agrees to watch the video. K is speechless. But Doc has a theory and, oh, it's a good one:

Su Yeol: ..."gaslighting?"

Doc: Yes. You see, there are people who have extremely low self-esteem and confidence. Lack of affection in childhood, being abused as a kid and exposure to violence could do that to you. And these people usually make good targets. Why? Because it's easy to gaslight them. But the scary part is... The victims lose their sense of reality and judgement. As a result, they begin to believe that what the gaslighter wants is what they want as well – whether it's right or wrong.

Su Yeol: So you're saying someone manipulated her to commit murder? Do psychos like that actually exist?

Doc: Yes, of course. Such psychos actually exist. You'd be surprised. There are many of them out there...

[pause]

Su Yeol: Are you trying to say that I'm one of them?

PFFFFT. Doc tells Moon Jo – I mean, Su Yeol – to look for the person Young Joo most relies on. [Isn't Doc so heckin insightful? Su Yeol doesn't deserve him.]

Hui Gyeom keeps guard outside Young Joo's room. A nurse tells her that the kid might be struggling with having had a lot of visitors today.

Su Yeol talks with Young Joo's old teacher [the one who filed the abuse report], who tells him that the kid was quiet and had no friends, but that she did once run away from home with the school bully.

K manifests, taking a noticeable interest in the case ("I'm curious now"), and the pair head over to said bully's apartment – where Su Yeol is, once again, mistaken for a delivery man. Ha. Inside, it reeks of booze and the kids threaten to be rowdy, but K offers to handle them while Su Yeol stands outside, lamenting the state of today's youth.

At the station, Gyeong Tae leads a mini-briefing [I'm so proud of him], where they posit that Young Joo met someone before buying that raincoat.

Back to K, who's singing Happy Birthday to taunt the kids, and asks them about Young Joo. School Bully says she knows nothing – that they're not even friends. The others start fighting amongst themselves (one of them tried to extort money from Young Joo), but K's had enough. Though he tries a different tactic – a clapping game to get them to quick-shout words and phrases they know about Young Joo. School Bully mentions a "mental hospital" that the teacher "dragged" Young Joo to [Why didn't the teacher mention this to Su Yeol before?].

And it turns out that it was actually... a therapist at a youth shelter. Guess who? Sin Ju Hyeok, aka Doctor McFlirtypants. The teacher tells Su Yeol over the phone that Young Joo grew attached to him and started seeing him regularly. Hui Gyeom and Jae Seon both phone to say that Ju Hyeok visited Young Joo at the hospital, and that he was the one who met her before she bought that raincoat (and killed her father).

Su Yeol bursts into Ju Hyeok's office and all but accuses him of being behind everything. Ju Hyeok asks if this is about Young Joo, but Su Yeol asks why he visited her, and then outright accuses him of gaslighting her into murder and then trying to kill herself. Ju Hyeok appears distressed by this, and shows Su Yeol a video of their last session where she seems closed-off:

Young Joo: I know you'll abandon me anyway. In the end, you'll send me home again. If there's nothing you can do for me...

[she stands up]

Young Joo: ...Just keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.

Ju Hyeok explains his visit to her as being out of guilt, of wanting to help. He changes tack to ask why anyone would make her record her crime, saying that if she really was gaslit, she would have been made to destroy the video. He then changes tack again to ask if Su Yeol if this case is linked to his childhood. Su Yeol's not convinced:

Su Yeol: You're too coherent. Your argument is too logical. I tend to become more suspicious when I notice these things.

Su Yeol visits Young Joo, who confirms that she remembers him, and that she knows she killed her father. Su Yeol asks where she got The Eye, but Young Joo starts to stray, saying how grateful she is to that person. He asks if it's Ju Hyeok, but she just asks what the date is today.

At the station, the team confirms that Ju Hyeok is clean – he even voluntarily took a drugs test and sent useful info to Attorney Nam. Hui Gyeom asks if Su Yeol's sitting on other info, but Su Yeol sighs that there's nothing.

At dinner, Su Yeol asks about the night Dong Yeol brought him home. Dong Yeol remembers his old name [Jae Hui], and that he was covered in blood and left for dead in an alleyway, but an upset Mama Ryu puts a stop to the conversation.

The next day, Su Yeol visits his now-abandoned childhood home, and suffers migraines while recalling the abuse at the hands of his father. He has a vision of his younger self, beaten and bruised, running, and he gives chase. Again the nightmare/memory of running past tents, then in the Hallway of the Id, where he finds himself in front of Room 1002. He moves to open the door, but K stops him:

K: Don't open it.

Su Yeol: Why not? Did you see what's inside? What is it?

K: [terse] Nothing much. Let's go.

[pause]

Su Yeol: You know something, don't you?

K doesn't respond but instead tries to block the door, and he and Su Yeol tussle. Su Yeol shoves him out of the way and opens the door, but he's back in front of the abandoned house – and K has vanished.

Meanwhile, Dong Yeol notices Mama Ryu's shop is closed and up for sale, and immediately rushes to the realtor's office – where he finds Mama Ryu playing cards. Outside, he accuses her of selling the shop to pay off gambling debts, but she clarifies – she sold it to pay for the pizza shop repairs. And she has Alzheimer's, so that's why she was playing cards, to keep sharp. Oh :( She tells a stunned, visibly upset Dong Yeol not to tell Su Yeol.

A very alert Young Joo escapes from hospital, and Su Yeol deduces that the suicide attempt was just a ruse to get out. He calls Ju Hyeok, who says he was about to call him anyway with a theory that the gaslighter was playing a "game" with the video, but he doesn't elaborate. And he doesn't have time to, because he calls out to Young Joo, and we see him get stabbed.

Su Yeol arrives on the scene and talks to a shelter kid who found Ju Hyeok in time for him to be rushed to hospital. Su Yeol sees a map location on Ju Hyeok's computer – Gojin-dong 1-14, Su Yeol's abandoned childhood home. Su Yeol rushes there and finds Young Joo there, but she won't say how she got there. She tells Su Yeol that her own existence has always made her sick, and he spots the scalpel she's holding, and gently talks to her:

Su Yeol: Why did you do that to Sin Ju Hyeok? Why are you here? And how did you get here? Why in the world are you doing this?

[pause]

Young Joo: You keep looking in the wrong places. You keep looking at the wrong person, so that person is angry now.

Su Yeol asks her who this person is, and promises he'll catch them, but Young Joo asks for the date. He tells her it's October 2 [the date on the door]. She smiles and says "it's time", and plunges the blade into her neck. She dies almost instantly as a distraught Su Yeol holds her.

The next day(?), Su Yeol meets a now-recovered Ju Hyeok as he exits hospital, and tells him that everything so far – including Young Joo's death – has been to target him, especially given her death site. But he can't figure out what the message is. Ju Hyeok proposes they find this mysterious person's motive, citing revenge for Young Joo, and Su Yeol accepts his promise to help. Ju Hyeok tells Su Yeol that he should trust in his own inner strength. Su Yeol looks comforted by this.

At the agency, Gyeong Tae hands Su Yeol Young Joo's dark web ID credentials. He logs in and is instantly greeted with a message from X: "It's been a long time. We'll meet soon." Su Yeol asks who this is, but instead gets this reply:

X: Look forward to it, Jae Hui.

---------------------------------------------------

That's Episode 8 done and dusted. And the mystery not only deepens, but thickens! So who the hell is X? Since we've not heard much from her lately, I can only assume it's Boss Yong? Or are we introducing someone new in these last four episodes? And if it is Boss Yong, then how is she linked to Su Yeol's childhood? They haven't yet met, so would he recognise her if he saw her?

At this point everyone's characters have settled in before we move into the show's third and final act, but the truth around K feels further than it's ever been. What does he know, and what is he protecting Su Yeol from? Why is he deflecting and distracting the way I think Ju Hyeok keeps doing?

As for Ju Hyeok, I still don't trust him. Maybe it's a coincidence, but when he says to Su Yeol that he felt guilty, wishing he'd been more attentive so that he could help Young Joo – that's exactly what Su Yeol said to Hui Gyeom earlier. Ju Hyeok, being Young Joo's therapist, would have known about her history with Su Yeol and probably ascertained Su Yeol's own guilt in her case.

And he's so obviously trying to lead the conversation – to draw in Su Yeol by invoking guilt over Young Joo, then distracting him by switching to the case, then swiftly bringing it back (via his therapist expertise, something he can use to build trust) to talk about Su Yeol's childhood.

And then, to top it off, he tries to declare how Su Yeol is actually feeling, something that gaslighters constantly do ("You're upset"/"You're hysterical" – he legit tells Su Yeol he's "getting worked up" etc)? The music cue in that scene, along with both Ju Hyeok's pained expression and Su Yeol's increasingly deranged one are throwing me off, but I'm not fully sold on his innocence.

Also: Ju Hyeok calls out to Young Joo as he's being stabbed over the phone, but we don't properly see or hear her at all in this scene, and at the abandoned house with Su Yeol, she doesn't admit or acknowledge that she did it.

Perhaps I'm just overthinking this. Or perhaps that's what they want us to think. Perhaps there's a curve ball on its way. Maybe it's the teacher? She did balk at the idea of being named by Young Joo as a trusted adult.

Only one upcoming episode this week, so that'll give everyone more time to formulate whatever crackpot theories we can. Like I said in a previous post, from this point onwards, my recaps might as well just be a series of Pepe Silvia string diagrams.

Stray thoughts:

I can't take credit for this, but the numbers on the doors in Hallway of the Id are obviously dates. My country formats dates differently, so I was slow on that uptake.

Su Yeol in an upright foetal position in the hallway

The way they shot Su Yeol's hand reaching out to K's in the hallway, the angle/positioning made Su Yeol's hand look tiny, like a child's.

Doc Heart Mender continues to be the show's psychological voice of reason. I, too, would drink his tea over that of Doctor McFlirtypants.

Su Yeol is a Dickhead Reminder #42: repeatedly trashing Doctor Heart Mender to his face.

K not giving serious answers when Su Yeol asked about the dream/his childhood: Hmm.

Kid Su Yeol breaking Dong Yeol's robot and then demanding (probably the same?) robot as an adult through K is just peak this show.

I'm aware that Su Yeol and Hui Gyeom's kiss was presented as just a kiss, but if you think that was just a kiss, then I refer you to Su Yeol's assortment of horn-faces in the car.

Between his side-eye in the car and his abject disbelief at the Doc's office, Wi Ha Jun's expressions are giving me life in this episode.

Since we never got an explanation, I've decided that Boss Yong was the one who sent Hui Gyeom that essence balm stick.

Young Joo turns herself in at Samyeong Police Station.

Bong Pil's meditation tape seems a bit shit: "When you start to feel angry, repress your anger." Some dark humour, though, as it comes right after Su Yeol expressing that "mental health is important".

Hui Gyeom's more compassionate interrogation tone compared to others'.

Young Joo is in her early 20s, but in Su Yeol's flashback to meeting her as a high school student, he's still wearing those grey NB [I think they're NB?] shoes. PPL for longevity?

I wonder if Jae Seon knows about Su Yeol's abusive childhood?

"Aigoo! Why are you doing that to me?" should now just be the tagline for this show.

Baby Prosecutor already calling Hui Gyeom "noona". Aww.

Both Hui Gyeom and Su Yeol having faith in Baby Prosecutor's skills.

Su Yeol's slight smile (?) when Hui Gyeom, with a tiny bit of hesitancy, calls him "sunbae". The last time we heard her call anyone that, it was Gye Sik.

Jae Seon being surprisingly dismissive of Gyeong Tae's prodding of some extra case details. Was he an enabler of Su Yeol's tendency to cut corners? Or did Su Yeol foster that in Jae Seon?

Su Yeol's little arm tap as he greets Hui Gyeom at Gyeong Tae's desk.

HEY LOOK AT THAT BIG FAT STRANGERS FROM HELL REFERENCE, GOSHIWONFUCKERS

K giving Su Yeol a knowing look while Doc mentions gaslighting.

I'm wondering if "Are you trying to say that I'm one of them?" was ad-libbed by LDW, because Doc's response after that ("Maybe not") felt like it didn't quite fit.

There's a falling leaf just before the 32-minute mark that pirouettes distractingly behind K's head.

School Bully's apartment number is 1410.

Two running gags: everyone telling Su Yeol he's handsome, and everyone angrily mistaking Su Yeol for a delivery man, often in the same sentence.

Everyone on the team converging to confirm that Sin Ju Hyeok was Young Joo's therapist bae. Teamwork!

I can't identify the jazz music Ju Hyeok plays in his office. Maybe it's made up for the show. [EDIT Jan 15: It IS for the show! The song is "Present" by Song Yerin, and is the final OST release by the show.]

Dong Yeol bringing home stray objects, including Su Yeol. Aww.

Also Dong Yeol: not washing his hands and instead just rubbing them on his trousers, two things we've seen K do.

Su Yeol seeing how upset Mama Ryu is at the memory of the night they found him, and being upset in turn, so he lets the topic die for now.

The dark web login page looks like a tryhard creepypasta chat room. Red skulls! Black background!

Young Joo's dark web ID: whitezero, PW: dudwn_0908