#do you understand that attraction doesnt change to fit other peoples sexualities

[jamesheathridge]

i saw people on tiktok bashing steve harrington for saying “i would date [robin]” in season 4. have any of you people ever talked to another human being before

[officialspec]

can you pleeeeease post your dm sexuality/gender hcs on here.... 🥺 i don't have a twitter but i wanna know. it's like a pandora's box to me now i'm like scratching at the door. let me in

heres the link 2 the thread (mild spoilers btw) ill post a transcript under the cut for ppl who dont have twitter

first off i think laios relationship to sex is super removed for like 50 reasons without even getting into his actual sexuality

he grew up in a place with very repressed ideas about sex and has a lot of fear about asserting his presence in situations

his special interest takes precedent over any social interactions he has and the level of closeness he feels towards people

he has a hard time figuring out his feelings towards other people both bc hes autistic and bc he has freaky deviantart fetishes that make sex in his mind a very abstract concept <- this one is me projecting mostly

that aside, i feel like gender-wise hes attracted to ppl so infrequently it may as well be entirely case-by-case

the idea of him being gay appeals to me from the 'raised with traditional values he Does Not fit into/hasnt begun to question it yet' perspective, i lauve characters who put a lot of stock into performing a role thats expected of them and fail miserably for unknown (gay) reasons

from his perspective tho i dont think he would ever really label himself anything. hes going to pride parades in the shirt+shorts Ally Fit to clap for his friends

hes also 'cis by indifference' imo... i love tmasc laios hcs it just doesnt mesh w his personal history to me. i do think hes got some kind of therian gender thing going on (not trans or nb but a secret third thing) but i cant see him changing anything abt his appearance/pronouns to accommodate that post-canon. hes just doin his thang

falin is in a similar boat for gender. i LOOVE tfem falin but the village repression thing has been bugging at me so i dont think i subscribe to it anymore (canon purist sorry) BUT if u hold that hc i am clapping and cheering regardless

instead i was propagandised to a while back and i LOVEEE the idea that being fused w a male dragon and the residual traits she has after being revived have given her a type of gender euphoria she didnt realise she was missing. a little boygirl swagger if u will

sexuality-wise i also dont think she would care to label herself, shes a lesbian by virtue of only being interested in One woman and zero other people. without marcille i do think shes still exclusively attracted to women, and i like to imagine she might experiment around a bit during her travels post-canon (pre-relationship). hearing abt it might put marcille on the news though

marcille is very simple That is a transfem lesbian. she cant get pregnant, shes obsessed w being femme and all that combined w her half-tallman struggles to be seen as 'properly feminine' by elf standards reads very transfeminine to Me. also her bookboy crush REEKS of comphet its not subtle

i think a more comfortable marcy might have the space to experiment w being elf butch like her manga boys but thats mainly self indulgence for me. utena could have saved her

senshi is gay his whole thing is abt not being able to perform dwarven masculinity to a proper standard (soft hearted, not as strong or rugged as his peers) which is like gaycoding 101. also hes a bear. homosexuality be damned by boy can work a grill

adding onto this i rly think senshi got some type of euphoria from being an elf in the changeling chapters. he was feeling himself so much i think he was using it as an outlet to have fun being a little fem and fruity without needing to justify it. do u understand

i dont have any particular opinions abt him gender-wise beyond that. his bulge is an essential part of his character design but i also saw a transmasc senshi a couple days ago that made me nod my head thoughtfully so i could go either way

chilchuck is cis and bisexual this is just canon. not even just his old man crush on senshi altho i do think thats very funny but they put his ass on a cover themed like hes in a dating sim with all the men and women in the cast and then slapped it in front of a chapter called "bicorn". i simply cant pass up that kind of overt signaling. its so fucking funny what else is there to say truly

izu to ME is a transmasc aroace lesbian (this one has the least basis in canon i just know it to be true) shes a little genderfluid with it nd uses he/she i think. i like to imagine she consistently uses masculine personal pronouns to refer to herself either way tho (boku, ore)

i think izutsumis gender/sexuality is entirely secondary in priorities to her body dysphoria. she has a lot of learning and acceptance 2 do before that kind of self discovery is on the docket and in my mind eschewing gender on some level is part of that. get sillay

shuro is cishet but at least he feels bad about it. next listen listen to me i dont think he would ever actually examine this but i need u to put on ur tin foil hat with me for one second. i think estrogen could have saved her. i have more thoughts on this but im not gonna propagandise too much on this post just know that im right

kabru is a transmasc bisexual this is also practically text. his whole thing of being treated like a doll by milsiril to put in pretty dresses, plus i think it would be pretty easy for him to stealth in the west since tallmen are seen as inherently more masculine than elves

(i also think changing genders is just more common for elves. theyre androgynous enough that it wouldnt be hard and like who in their right miiiiind would be the same gender for 500 years. dwarves too)

i think he started presenting as male socially in the west but didnt need to consider medical transition until he moved to a more mixed culture where other races might see him as a woman

i dont have to explain the bisexual part. have u seen him

namari is a butch bisexual this is just canon straight up. shes not transmasc but i think the default settings for dwarven women is like 4 years of T regardless. shes a hit at all the local cruising spots despite her renfaire nerdisms i know this

and just bc im thinking abt em kiki and kaka are identical and kiki is tfem :} theyre both attracted to women but kaka is a sub so i forgive him

THATS ALL 4 NOW theres a lot of characters so i cant have thoughts abt all of them at once but i hope this was good. im right about everything forever as per usual

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

i’ve seen ur posts against the SAM but i’m a bit confused about something. some people’s romantic attraction is definitively separate from their sexual attraction, what are your opinions in that scenario? as an example, an aromantic person may not feel any romantic attraction ever, but they may be sexually attracted to many people. how would they fit into your view?

That's called a preference.

Are you a man who's attracted to men, want to date them, but not have sex? Congrats. Your gay, you just don't like sex. Sex is an action. It doesn't determine your attraction (tho having sex with people you aren't attracted to or just to "please your partner" is linked to a LOT of mental health issues. Please be safe).

Are you a man who's attracted to men, don't want to date them, just have sex? Congrats. You're gay, you just aren't interested in dating. Dating is an action. It doesn't determine your attracted (tho again. Please be safe. Dating someone you don't actually want to date makes both parties resent each other).

Attraction is just that. Attraction. And when it comes to sexuality, all that is important is WHO. What you are interested in doing with them is a preference.

Trying to define a preference as a sexuality leads to a slippery slope. Since as a crush progresses what you want in the relationship may change. As you change as a person, what you want to do with someone may change. Making a preference a sexuality implies sexuality can change. And that is just kindling for homophobic remarks.

I understand the struggle of trying to find a partner when you know sex will never be on the table. You want to be upfront about it, but not have to describe things over and over. Having a label is helpful. I get it. But you can describe being sex adverse without it being a whole separate sexuality.

If we came up with a new sexuality for anything and everything that makes finding a partner there would be so many words none of them would matter. You'd have to explain the word every time you used it cuz no one can remember that much. Not to mention, again, preferences end up in a gray area. Is kissing sexual or romantic? I'd argue it's both, while also being able to be neither. Cuz it's based on context. It's a gray area. So if I tried to define my sexuality as wanting to have sex but not date by using aromatic-- to me it might mean we can kiss. But to someone else, kissing might not be included. Maybe to them its only the specific act of sex, which doesnt technically include kissing. So then you end up having to explain what the word means anyways even tho the whole point was so you wouldn't have to.

Cuz at the end of the day, you do have to describe your preferences outright. There isn't going to be a word that always perfectly describes your preferences. Unfortunately, cuz I get it's annoying. But once a "sexuality" has to be described in depth for what it "means for you" it no longer functions as a sexuality. Cuz these are words to help form communities. And communities form by being specific enough to not include everyone but broad enough to actually include enough people to form a meaningful group that can pull resources and help each other.

Please also remember this is just my opinion on this topic as someone who's had experience using the split attraction model and heard story after story of it causing harm to people. I'm not the head speaker of any group. Nor do I speak for any community. If you disagree that's fine. It's important everyone be able to form their own opinions even if we disagree.

[kagansune]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

I am not straight, and i am not gay. So here is my understanding as someone who thinks about gender and sexuality theory a lot but doesn't have first-hand knowledge of this.

The truth of the matter is simple. Everyones experience is their own. There are people who are attracted to people mostly on looks. And dont really care whats in your pants. There are people who dont have interest in dick or in vag. And thats okay too. Its not transphobic to not want to suck girl dick. And there are people who it is solely personality that matters.

Labels to me. Are something we give ourselves to simplify our attraction. We can disect it. And explain it. But to me all labels are just a baseline statement.

I know a lesbian who is dating a man. She considers herself a lesbian because 99% she is attracted to only women. Because 99% of the time only women fit the type of stuff she's looking for in a partner.

I do believe there are people out there who are 100% straight or gay. But i believe it is because what they are attracted to is so narrow they have only found it in people that fit those terms

If you were only attracted to people who have very specific boob shapes, for instance. That would narrow it down a lot. And likely exclude most trans and nb's.

If you were only attracted to people who you have a common video game interest with, for example. That would narrow your field (depending on game) significantly towards one gender.

People who "dont really have a type" on the other hand are far more often bi or pan.

While each person could just say what they find attractive. It's much easier to say "I'm gay," then saying. "I've never found anyone of this gender attractive, but that could change. idk"

As for what is attractive about a man? Have you ever seen some good ass back muscle shots of male dancers? That shit kills me. Delicous. Facial hair is fun to play with love that. Enjoy playing with chest hair also. Broad strong shoulders that are also so delicate and cute when they slump. You ever see a dude so involved in his little project he has lost himself to it? Adorable. Since I am one of those bitches who doesnt have a type. I cant help ya more than that.

On the animal/ biological level. Some people just like dick. Some animals just like dick. Let them like dick.

[greggorylee]

Wait are you okay with asexuals??? I found out that you're against ace inclusionism :(((

Yes, i’m okay with ace/aro people. Yes, i’m against “ace inclusionism”

Honestly, these asks are so exhausting because ive made myself clear for nearly a decade now my stance on whether or not being ace/aro makes you lgbt. I’m going to put all the points ive gathered into one place, so this post can simply be referenced if you’re curious.

Keep in mind these thoughts are in no particular order, but altogether represent the problems with ace/aro inclusionism and the behavior of the inclusionist community over the past years

Asexuality and aromanticism are valid identities

Allow me to get this out of the way. The experience of being aro/ace not being the same experience as an lgbt person does NOT mean that these experiences are invalid. If the label of asexual or aromantic fits you, thats awesome. The ace/aro community as a whole is its own resource, and support and understanding is deserved for people who fall under these ids.

However, that does not mean you are oppressed for being ace/aro, especially not in the same way the lgbt community is oppressed for being gay/lesbian/bi/trans. When considering peoples oriantations and identities, cishets have different experiences than lgbt people, and ace/aro people have different experiences from both. 

The straight ace/aro fallacy

If being gay and ace doesn’t make one any less gay, why would being ace make straight people less straight? Asexuality/aromanticism is about whether or not you feel sexual or romantic attraction to your partner, not WHO you are attracted to generally.

To emphasize, what a cis straight ace/aro person experiences is NOT the same as what an LGBT person experiences. The fact that they are cis and straight does not change with the amount of sex or intimacy they have, just like the amount of sex and intimacy of a gay/bi/lesbian person does not affect whether or not theyre gay, bi or lesbian. LGB orientations are about WHO you are attracted to, not HOW. 

Sexualizing the LGBT community

Treating asexuality or aromanticism as lgbt orientations assumes that every other orientation is sexual by default, which is not only wrong, but dehumanizing. terms like bisexual/homosexual etc do not literally mean Horny Only. these labels were coined back when sex (as in genitalia) was often used for gender, but these terms have evolved in meaning beyond “who you have sex with”. 

asexuality and aromanticism arent orientations, theyre modifier identities. The fact you can be gay and ace but also straight and ace should end the inclusionism argument altogether, but the ace/aro community have developed such a victim fantasy that even suggesting our experiences are different is somehow oppressing them. Which its not.

Even worse is treating microlabels like demisexual as LBGT orientations, because it assumes that not only are the other orientations sexual by default, but they are careless in their intimacy / sleep around / are “easy”. It doesnt matter if ace and demi people arent literally saying these things–by acting like their ace/demi identity makes them LGBT, that by default is saying “i dont have sex / i dont have casual sex and therefore i am different and separate and special from you”. 

Let’s talk about the term “allosexual”. Its insulting and degrading for the ace/aro community to refer to LGBT people as “allos that contribute to our oppression because they Have Sex and dont want us in their club”. seriously think about the implications of creating a term that is supposed to represent an oppressive group, and applying it to LGBT people that have sex. Especially since that cis/straight ace/aro people have been given the understanding that their sex drive or desire for romance is something theyre oppressed for, even oppressed by the “sex havers” that include lgbt people. Which they are not. 

Think about that, and stop using it.

Bullying vs oppression

Oppression requires massive, widespread cultural AND systemic power imbalances that target a group of people for a harmless trait or behavior. For these cultural and systemic powers to be oppressive, they must force the oppressed into changing or hiding. To be oppressed is for religious masses, entire governments, and thousands upon millions of people wanting you dead for something you cant control, for simply existing. To be oppressed is to fear being yourself at the cost of your life. Not a life of constant terror, but living with the reminder that you are always in potential danger and always at a disadvantage that was set up against you on purpose because of who you are.

This is not something that asexuality or aromanticism faces. Do ace/aro people face stigma? Absolutely. Even targeting bullying based on their identity. And to live in the hypersexualized, hyperromantic heterosexual hellscape that is pervasive through most of the world is stressful for anyone who doesn’t fit that mold. That is real, and that struggle and hurt is real. But it is not oppression.

ace/aro people are not being targeted as groomers like lgbt people are. ace/aro people are not the victims of hate crimes and murder because of being ace/aro, like lgbt people. ace/aros do not have specific laws taking their rights as humans away because of being ace/aro, like lgbt people have for our entire existence and still are. To be LGBT is literally deadly because we are hated for who we love, who we are attracted to. To be ace/aro is NOT deadly, not oppressed, because there has not been a campaign to eradicate them from public life for not feeling romantic or sexual attraction

This is not “oppression olympics”. This is what oppression really means and is. Microaggressions are a PART of oppression, a SYMPTOM. Real oppression is defined by generations of systemic abuse. Facism and bigotry hate ANYTHING that is different. ace/aro people inevitably will be stigmatized for their identities by facism, and that is fucked up, and can even be traumatic, but the source of that trauma is bigotry that already exists, not aphobia. 

Your sex life and romantic life are intrinsically linked to your gender and orientation. If you’re a straight ace/aro person, you’re going to be under the pressure to have sex because of sexism/cissexism. If you’re a gay/trans ace/aro person, you’re going to be under the pressure to start having sex in a cis straight relationship because of homophobia/transphobia. Oppressive actions that ace/aro people face are because of oppression that already exists, and happens to overlap with characteristics of their ace/aro identities.

For example, furries are notoriously bullied and harassed. On a surface level, it is because “cringe animal person”, but beneath the hatred is genuine bigotry. Furries are always compared to being gay or trans, mentally ill, or it means youre a sexual predator because of your “deviant” behavior. That’s not furryphobia, that’s facism, specifically ableism and trans/homophobia. Cis straight furries are also subject to ridicule, but that is because of their proximity to the “dangerous deviance” thats lgbt or “insane/autistic” coded. The reason that there have been actual gas and shooting threats at fur conventions is because of the diversity of body and identity that the fandom is known for. Furries are not oppressed for being furries. There simply happens to be a lot of furries that also fall into oppressed communities. The same goes for asexuality and aromanticism.

“But the bigots say they hate LGBTQA+ now! That includes us!” 

The very fact that trans/homophobes are even thinking to complain about ace/aro people is because the ace/aro community has pushed their oppression fantasy into the public eye so hard for literal years, demonizing anyone who pointed out that a cis straight person who doesnt fuck is not “queer”. 

It is quite literally self inflicted bullying. ace/aros are only ever targeted by bigots because of their proximity to the lgbt community, or like mentioned previously, the punishment of any kind of deviancy under facism. Bigots dont understand or care that our experiences are vastly different, they just want victims to target. And the ace/aro community stood in front of the lgbt community for nearly 10 years and screamed “look at us! We’re just as weird as them!”. You think that some reactionaries arent going to take advantage of that?

Blue’s clues including ace/aro and other microidentities does not actually “confirm” theyre lgbt somehow. The very idea that someone would be targeted for not wanting intimacy in the same way someone is targeted for WANTING intimacy, and how they perform their intimacy, is insulting. The idea that being called “weird” or “broken” is in any way comparable to literally fearing walking down the street being yourself, is insulting. The idea that struggling with oversexualized media is in any way comparable to being killed for who you have sex with, is insulting. Remember what i said about microaggressions and how they do not add up to oppression without literal legal and cultural abuse of power?

The redundancy of microlabels

labels such as demi or grey romantic/sexual are even more insulting to pretend like they are lgbt orientations. There is literally no abnormality to being demiromantic or demisexual. The need to develop intimate feelings for someone else is an experience that is MUCH more common than feeling no attraction at all. Despite what the hypersexualized media may tell you, your experience of needing a friendship before romantic attraction is not rare

Its so common, in fact, that demirom/sexual identities are in essence the same thing as going “i need to get to know someone before i can be intimate with them, and that makes me queer.” really? The experience of making friends and falling in love or sexual desire is not exclusive to being LGBT, nor is it something that is even remotely stigmatized in the way LGBT people are, or even ace/aro people. A LOT people are demiromantic and demisexual without knowing what those labels even are. Treating demirom/sexual as lgbt orientations is treating a cishet person that doesnt kiss on the first date as an lgbt person.

And yeah, there are LGBT ace/aro people. But what makes them LGBT is the LGBT part of their identity. Once again, the fact you can be ace/demi and gay OR straight means these identities are not orientations

This redundancy and ignorance applies to most of microidentities, such as pan/omni which were only made under the misunderstanding that bisexuality wasnt already inclusive of nonbinary people or that bisexuality hasnt meant “many or all” for DECADES, but thats an entire other post

Ignoring trauma

Another thing that is harmful about treating asexuality as an lgbt orientation is that not everyone is asexual in the same way. 

What i mean is, there are some people who simply dont feel attraction to others. Thats absolutely cool, deserving of respect and its own unique support. However, some people are ace/aro because of trauma, mental illness symptoms, inexperience, dysphoria/dysmorphia, racism, disability, and internalized hatred and fear. These things are NOT an lgbt orientation, OR an identity, and treating them as such dangerously ignores the possibility of recovery.

Im not saying “ace/aro people are all just traumatized” or whatever because thats literally not true. But a large amount of them are. I was one myself, and im close with several people who also went through this identity because of some form of trauma and/or depressive symptoms and/or dysphoria. For all of us, labeling these symptoms as “ace/aro” kept us from truly examining our problems with intimacy, because we had simply accepted said problems as “being ace/aro”. After self exploration, we discovered we were in fact not ace or aro

AGAIN. Being ace/aro does NOT inherently mean you have problems to work through with your intimate life. My point is that when people see symptoms of things that ARENT inherent to asexuality or aromanticism and so readily misdiagnose them as a sexual or romantic orientation instead of, yknow, literal trauma, it leads people to misunderstand themselves or simply not try to explore their feelings toward intimacy.

And that doesnt even mean that you have to or will automatically change from ace/aro if you examine why you identify that way. Plenty of people are ace/aro because of trauma and know this and their identity helps them in their recovery. But things like dysphoria, internalized homophobia, and trauma symptoms that are genuinely distressing NEED to be addressed beyond the concept of “being ace/aro”. Healing is what’s important, not using your personal distress as a public identity

TMI / no one asked

The thing that’s strange i find about the push for ace/aro inclusionism is the seemingly complete lack of awareness of what you’re actually telling strangers when you say you’re asexual specifically

When you introduce yourself as LGBT, for example, it’s because its an intrinsic part of your identity. Gender and orientation are face level facts appropriate in all situations. Introducing yourself as trans is saying “hey, i’m not cis”. Introducing yourself as LGB is saying “hey, i’m not straight.” as i mentioned before, both of these things can be exclusive to peoples sex lives, and even if they arent, mentioning their identity is not bringing up anything sexual whatsoever. (again. If you hear that someone is lgbt and your first thought is i wonder how much sex they have, maybe youre the problem)

However, when you introduce yourself as asexual, you are specifically bringing your sex life into the conversation. “I dont feel sexual attraction to anyone” is not usually something you’d bring up to a stranger when introducing yourself. Like, idk, no one asked how much you’re not fucking, yknow? Especially not the underage people that you may be around. This oversharing is worse for asexuality since you’re directly mentioning your lack of sex drive. 

By NO means is it anything like sexual harassment or whatever, but seriously please just imagine yourself meeting a stranger and “im not really into sex” is one of the FIRST things you tell them. Is that necessary?

Sexualizing minors

One of the most dangerous results of specifically asexuality being pushed as an lgbt identity is now minors are being open in public about their sex drives. Under no circumstances do strangers online need to know how much sex a child wants or doesnt want to have. I have seen predators that draw CP label themselves as ace, and i can all too well see a scenario where a minor is groomed under the pretense of asexuality, seeing that they share a sexual identity with an adult and trusting them because said adult apparently doesnt want sex either. These predators obviously are NOT a part of the ace/aro community, nor is being ace/aro somehow predatory, but my point is that its become incredibly normal for kids to make their sex drives public knowledge, which can EASILY be taken advantage of

“But being ace is about NOT wanting sex! Isnt that the opposite of sexualizing?”

This argument is still astonishing to me. Not only is asexuality specifically about how much SEXUAL attraction one feels, but ive seen people insist that asexual people can still feel sexual attraction and have sex. This identity is ABOUT sex, whether or not the identifier wants sex or not. It is literally a description of your sex drive.

Which is also why adults making asexual headcanons about minor characters actually IS borderline predatory. No adult should be thinking in depth about whether or not a child feels sexual attraction. Period. There is no reasonable explanation for looking at someone underage and going “i bet that literal 14 year old doesnt want to fuck anybody. And i bet theyre really proud of it too and want to tell everyone else.” is there seriously nothing uncomforatable about adults making headcanons about how much sex a minor has? 

Stealing from other communities

The biggest one to talk about are cishet ace/aros who, by all accounts, do not experience the oppression that lgbt people do. Therefore they do not need our resources. Our community is for our own support. Its not a “fun diversity club” that anyone can join just because theyre a ~little different~ than ~normal cishet people~. This is the biggest example of the acearo community laying claim to experiences and resources that arent theirs. Look me in the eyes and tell me that a straight cis person deserves a spot in the lgbt community because they feel weird for not wanting to have sex. Meanwhile the lgbt community are at the same time hypersexualized and punished for their sexual partners by straight and cis people. What about that to you isnt stealing?

“Aspec” was being used for the autism spectrum well before asexuality was popularized, being autistic myself i had known it as part of our community before 2014. “Allo” sounds suspiciously close to “allistic” which is the term used for people who are not autistic. Also, if the aro flag came first please correct me, but its weird that the agender and aromantic flags both were made in 2014 and the aromantic flag is just the agender flag cut in half

Also, as a rape survivor, i do not even want to touch on the fact some inclusionists have co-opted corrective rape as a part of aphobia, even though corrective rape has specifically and historically been targeted towards trans and LGBT people, lesbians in particular, to turn them cishet. i'll just say it really pisses me off and move on.

Really Evil Gays

One of the ugliest behaviors of specifically the inclusionism movement is to compare and conflate lgbt people and survivors of abuse with our abusers and oppressors. Any lgbt person who does not want cishets pushing themselves in our community and claiming our suffering as their own is “aphobic”, or using “terf rhetoric” (which some of yall really need to learn what that actually is) and are now a bigot. “Exclusionists” are listed right next to trans/homophobes, predators, and racists in DNI lists and banners as if literally being bigoted is in any way comparable to going “the amount of sex you have doesnt make you queer”.

Like, it is genuinely revolting to act like lgbt people explaining the differences between our experiences is not only oppressing you, but is just as bad treatment as us experiencing hate crimes and abuse. Like the “radical exclusionary” sex having gays and transes are gatekeeping you out of the Fun Club. being progressive does not always mean “validating uwu”  people’s compulsion to find ways to feel ostracized for oppressed points, because once again, stigmatization alone not oppression. and the validity of these experiences can be mutually exclusive

I as a marginalized white person suffer under capitalism. however, i’m not about to cry racism when someone reminds me that i have objectively different experiences and advantages under capitalism over people of color, because capitalism is inherently tied to white supremacy. Some of what we go through under capitalism may overlap, but my whiteness is not a factor in my suffering under capitalism like how anyone elses race is. Asexuality and aromanticism suffer under the hypersexual patriarchy, but that does not mean that aphobia is a system of oppression, and certainly not one that lgbt people are somehow perpretrating by literally just not wanting cishets acting like they belong in our community because they dont have a sex drive.

Also, claiming that “your sex life doesnt define your orientation” is “terf rhetoric” is SO insulting to your transfem sisters. Please look up what a terf even means and where that description is applicable, instead of throwing it around at things that are not even about something that affects trans women in particular

ace/aro: not straight but not gay (a secret third thing)

What about people who are both ace and aro, some argue? I definitely agree that they are not straight and it’s not fair and insulting to label them as such. However, they aren’t any form of LGBT either if they are cis. Being lesbian, gay, and bi are specifically about intimacy and attraction to gender, and being trans intersects with this intrinsically. We connected as a community because of our shared persecution of who and our sexual partners and self presentation outside the gender binary, not who we DONT love or have sex with. Stonewall was not about asexuality or aromanticism. 

No one is being oppressed for not having attraction to anyone at all. Once again, i direct you to the section comparing stigma to oppression, and ask if there are laws making it illegal to not be in a romantic or sexual relationship. If there are people being killed for the sole reason of not having an intimate partner. I will repeat myself: the struggles aroace people go through under an entirely too sexualized and romance obsessed cishet culture are VERY real and absolutely deserve understanding, support, and a community of their own. However to compare said experiences to the active oppression and lets, be real, ongoing genocide of the lgbt community is frankly ignorant at best and actively insulting and degrading at worst.

Accept that your experiences as aroace people are unique, and push for understanding on your own instead of hijacking the lgbt community for validation. If you’re not trans, you do not experience what we do.

Dont try to change my mind

The reason replies and reblogs are turned off is because i have literally been talking about this for 9 years and i have so many better things to do. My stance will not change by being discoursed at online by strangers with a victim complex. I’ll be blocking any discourse asks as well. If you made it here (or didnt) and feel compelled to argue, just block me instead, go take care of yourself and be with friends and reflect on what ive said.

However feel free to screenshot and share or reference back to this post. Obviously i cant stop anybody. But hopefully this will be helpful for anyone left with questions about whether or not im “okay with ace people”. (hint: i am, and just because i dont think being ace makes you lgbt means i’m against ace people existing)

[ixnova]

Unpopular opinion about some ppl in the apex fandom and regarding Pathfinder (no one directly just noticed a pattern amongst artist) and not meant as a personal attack or anything just me voicing some distaste for stuff and my own opinions on it just venting. under cut

Disclaimer: I don’t hate anyone, I am not talking about anyone in particular, I actually like some of the artists that do these things, I just personally find the styles and takes annoying but people are allowed to do as they please and draw what they want.

I don’t understand why there’s a popular trend of a “Human” Pathfinder being chubby/gender divergeant/Non-binary/trans/queer/lgbtq AND autistic all rolled into one? Like a lot of ppl draw him like that and I just don’t vibe. If you’re still reading you should know it’s not actually because of “diversity” reasons, it’s I guess a lot of ppl are projecting onto him (and maybe I am too?) but it doesn’t feel like it would fit his character at all? First of all, love POC Pathfinder, that’s the one thing everyone gets right so love that. Okay but like, the body types?? You do realize he’d be buff as shit and absolutely JACKED right? He canonly has an interest in sports, especially his boxing, I know y’all might be projecting or whatever with soft boy uwu, but realistically if he were human he’d be 6′2 and absolutely a force to be reckoned with. Also yes, athletes can be “chubby” but it’s a completely different body type with muscle tone vs just “soft and chub.” I often see ppl give Pathfinder a bodytype like a housewife, which while yes he is male wife material, I just can’t see him looking like that and still being able to kick ass. Second is the gender thing, A lot of people refuse to use he/him for pathfinder and use everything else. That is defiantly a projection thing and its most likely a tumblr thing because “men are bad” but my god I seem to be the only one here who actually wants to keep pathfinder as a boy. I think he’d have as strong sense of himself and he would love bullshit like “being one of the boys” with mirage and octane and such, but he’d be confident enough in himself to be feminine without losing his masculinity.  While yes you can argue hes a MRVN and wouldn’t understand gender and he can be whatever he wants, and that’s valid if you wanna do that go for it, personally I think he understands society and social status like that and I feel he’s chosen to be a boy. He does have a lot of traditionally masculine traits to his personality.

However that said, I also love to see him rocking girly outfits and skirts and shit, but the catch is that he can do that while still maintaining his he/him pronouns, which is really just setting a good example that gendered clothing is bullshit and men should be allowed to wear what they want without losing their sense of self or masculinity.  On to sexuality, honestly I can’t say too much about this it just irks me when it’s combined with the gender issues above so ppl can avoid calling him “straight” or whatever because “straight bad” and again that’s a tumblr thing, but if you ask me this boy is bisexual as hell and I will die on that grave. Again to each their own but I can’t see him having these gender shifts AND the sexuality obscurity on top of it. And finally why does everyone make him nerodivergant or autistic? and I don’t mean like just saying he has it, because he def does, but they like plaster it like it’s the main attraction of his character and I just hate that. It’s an issue of the loud minority. Its like saying a character is suddenly better if you change nothing about them but say “oh they are autistic!” it doesnt make a hero any better or worse, and it doesnt make a villian any redeemable or worse. Whenever I see ppl plaster pathfinder with “autsitic uwu” it makes me, an autistic person, want to scream. Like don’t do that!! You can hc whatever but don’t make it his main personality factor!! You have other traits that come with it, like creativity or really smart, or hyperfixations and personality that way, autistic is not a main carrying personality trait please!?

At the end of the day I’m not going to dictate what ppl draw and like i said i still like some artists who do this, and if you think I’m talking about you and “complaining” I’m not im just venting, I don’t feel pathfinder is accurate represented in most art but that’s just my opinion. It’s like how I don’t like seeing him with revenant since in canon now they have beef so I feel the ship is unhealthy, but yet revfinder is still the most popular ship for him. I even still like some art, but like damn its annoying tho constantly seeing it. I guess I just wanna break and see some fresh takes on pathfinder that aren’t this extremist projection of the opposite of the “norm” and that ALSO isnt just boring white boy fuck boi pathfinder. :(

[domesticangel]

I'm sorry if this ask makes you uncomfortable, I'm not sure, if it's something to discuss with strangers. But do you think there's a concrete way to tell your sexuality?

I've considered myself straight, since I've never felt romantic feelings towards women, but I had sexual fantasies about them even before I had them about men. Your Yugioh post made me remember hoping my barbies would turn alive to do horny things with them... And now, when I'm lucid dreaming (so it's conscious), I go for whoever there is, no matter the gender.

My confusion stems from being an extremely visually stimulated person, so even fashion Items or makeup can make me h word. So I'm really not sure if I'm bi-sexual, or just find women pretty and trying to be spicy straight.

Sorry again if it's inappropriate, I'm not sure who to even talk about this. And I'm not really in a place to find out through trial anytime soon lol

NAH YOURE FINE but its the kind of ask i could see making maybe someone else uncomfortable, so in the future you might wanna ask someone before sending something like this! but it doesnt bother me personally, so ill go ahead and answer ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

cramming under a cut since it got kinda long LOL

sooo i dont think for everyone sexuality is going to be a “concrete” thing. for some people it very much is, which is great, but for some people it can be very fluid and changing. i dont think either way is better than the other; they just Are. i only mention this bc i have also very much been where you are so i know it can be pretty stressful and frustrating, feeling like you cant even really tell what your own sexuality is, especially since my brain has never been the best at handling grey areas. i identified as bi for the vast majority of my life before realizing i was actually a lesbian. and i dont say that to equate bisexuality with confusion, but rather to illustrate just how long of a process really understanding the nuances of your own sexuality can be, and how truly normal and okay it is to explore different identities

i would suggest considering why you dont think youve ever had romantic feelings towards a woman or never could; this can actually be a very common thing for wlw bc of compulsive heterosexuality--women live their entire lives in a world that for the most part tells them that love between two women could never be “real” or romantic. its kinda like that whole messy stereotype that biphobes and homophobes like to propagate about bi people being confused, and that bi women are just confused straight women and bi men are just confused gay men. it centers around men. so when women’s sexualities have always been defined by their relationship to men, it can be really hard to figure out how you feel about people who ARENT men, and can def lead to the kind of confusion it sounds like youre having. mainstream Love as a concept is really so eaten up with heterosexual archetypes that they can muddy up your own feelings on what it means for you specifically to love someone regardless of their gender if that makes sense

re: visual stimulation: i think that can differ for everyone, and may or may not play a part in their sexuality. for example, you might become aroused because you associate fashion and makeup with women you find attractive/youre attracted to femininity, OR you might find them stimulating because of a certain mood or vibe they evoke for you, like feeling sexy, the idea of dolling yourself up for someone, etc. or it could very well be both!!!

just from what i can gather from this ask, it sounds to me like youre sexually attracted to women but struggling with figuring out the romantic side of things. ill make this clear first and foremost; i dont believe in the split attraction model, so im not positing youre “bisexual but heteroromantic” or anything like that. HOWEVER sometimes certain aspects of attraction as a whole are easier to parse than others. i know for sure that way before i ever considered IDing as a lesbian i was wildly physically attracted to women but really only gave credence to the crushes i got on men  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tbh i wouldnt worry too much about it. and i dont mean that in a brushing off kind of way; more in a you absolutely have time to figure this out and explore your options type way. let yourself feel the way you feel about people, try to think about it without OVER thinking, and just be open to things. treat it like a journey at your own pace rather than a timed exam. if you dont want to figure things out by trial as you said right now or for a long time? thats fine. that option will always be waiting for you when youre ready for it. and remember, if bisexuality is something youre considering may be a proper fit, it doesnt have to be 50/50. you could be 90% attracted to people of different/dissimilar gender and 10% attracted to people of same/similar gender and you would still be 100% bi, not a “fake,” not spicy straight. try calling yourself bi. try calling yourself straight. see how it feels and if it fits. dont be afraid of thinking youre one thing and turning out to be the other. this isnt something you can get “wrong.” sexuality can be totally messy and confusing for a lot of people, even after you think youve gotten it all figured out; one of the best things about being alive is how you feel about and interact with other people, but thats such a vast and varied experience that its totally normal imo for it to be nonlinear and not always clear cut. either way your sexuality is yours to explore no matter where you end up

[trickstarbrave]

i get to make posts abt whatever i want and i like the long form ability tumblr has so im gonna make a post here abt it instead of a 29 tweets long thread abt it on twitter.com’s hellsite even if its a bigger thing there for ppl to yell at me: 

“how can you be NB and a woman? why even bother being aligned? why be more than one category? how do you know this isn’t a common experience with womanhood and it’s just misogyny?” 

there is no one experience of womanhood. this is true. i don’t know if this is a truly common or uncommon experience. i dont know how every woman feels. maybe a great deal binary women feel the same way, and maybe how i feel is entirely different from how women feel. but gender is not just an internal thing but an external thing. it’s, for me, both. no, wearing a dress or feminine clothes doesnt make you a woman and wearing masculine clothes make you a man, but how we live our lives and process our own thoughts is informed by the society and culture around us. all i can do is use that lens i have been given to interpret how i feel.

i dont think i am a binary woman. i use he/him and don’t like she/her or many feminine parts of language used to describe me, which isn’t something i see many binary women do. sure i can use pronouns i dont even like, much like how i can change my name to something i dont like, but im more so in the business of doing things that hurt no one for my own comfort and going from there. still though, not all of my behaviors are not unlike how i think womanhood is. i experience society primarily as someone interpreted as a woman. im okay to a degree with it too. i am subjected to misogyny and sexism. i am a primary target of those. i feel i have a vested interest in women’s rights not just because someone may mistake me for a woman but bc for all intense purposes i kind of am one. i love women and my attraction to women is based on that. i am attracted to other nb ppl with a relation to womanhood. 

for me it means i am partially out of the box. standing with one foot in and one foot out of it into something that isn’t manhood. for a while i assumed if i dont feel 100% like a woman the alternative was manhood. or gender fluidity. or that there is only a handful of experiences you’re allowed with being nonbinary like being entirely third gendered or agender. i relate to womanhood, and sometimes i dont at all. i feel it doesn’t quite fit, a label that applies only half the time and the other half manhood doesn’t apply to me at all either. for women’s issues and women’s spaces there are times i will be heavily involved and present bc they are issues that concern me and have resources i want and need. 

binary society, however, says you’re not allowed to have these varied experiences. you either feel like a woman and use she/her pronouns and look and act a certain way, or you feel like a man, use he/him pronouns, and look and act a different way. that if you don’t your existence is incoherent and irrelevant. it does not account for what each of these parts mean and serve (how pronouns can be very different from presentation or how people can be unable or unwilling to present a certain way), it just says “this is a list of things women do and this is a list of things men do”, and i say “well i do a lot of things on the woman’s list but don’t fill in the checklist entirely”. im on the fringe of womanhood, but orbit it enough that it’s still applicable as a category. 

not everyone will feel like me and reject being a woman and a man entirely, but i reject the idea that there is two distinct boxes that can only be solved by adding a third or fourth box. being nonbinary for me is existing in some level outside of strict boundaries or roles to any degree, and that means you dont have to reject womanhood or manhood to do so. you dont have to reject femininity or masculinity to do so. that some of us will be close enough to the box it might seem like it’s unnecessary to count us as outside it in any way but i say it does matter if we say it does. maybe most people exist outside of these boundaries to varying degrees and it doesn’t impact them, but it impacts me. being nonbinary means you may not be easily understood by other people. just like how bisexuals do not need to have an equal amount of partners who are men and women to be “real”, their bisexuality is important. if a bi woman dates 30 women and 1 man genuinely then she is still bi, not “basically a lesbian”. if a bi man dates 30 women and 1 man, he is not “basically straight”. i am not “basically a woman who should change my pronouns and language”, im woman aligned nb.

nb ppl can also be gay, or lesbian, or bi, or any other complicated sexuality bc they are unaligned and like women or men specifically, or only like nb ppl like them and we dont rly have good words for that ppl recognize. a binary gender system is like binary code, which means youre either a 0 or 1. theres no room for numbers between that, nor numbers outside it. all you can do is break the binary system that no longer servers a good purpose. and that also means we have to think in different ways about sexuality as we know, which was informed by a binary. 

nonbinary isn’t a clear cut thing. it isn’t as easy to understand as manhood and womanhood. our society wasn’t built to explain and understand it so i don’t fault people who dont. but trying to simplify nb identities into something easier to understand for you is wrong. being a woman or man isn’t smth as simplistic as people like to act like it is either. for now this is how i feel and communicate it. im a nb lesbian. i use he/him. pronouns dont determine my gender as unaligned nb ppl can use any pronouns like they as well, and manhood is more complex than simply using 1 set of pronouns. if you think im a man you look silly. if you think i share everything in common with women you look silly. it isnt entirely intuitive or straightforward but i am making due with what i have in a way that doesnt hurt others and isn’t based on bigotry. i dont reject womanhood because of bigotry, i know it exists and i fight against it. i love women and feel im close enough that women can love me too. i feel alienated partially because im a lesbian even, and other lesbians go through this to varying degrees too. 

[penebui]

Lgbt manga pt.1

If you had to put up with my sorry ass for a few years then yes you know that I have been searching for lgbt mangas!! I put up with the pain of going through most genres that sexualize/fetishize gender identities and sexualities (like yaoi and gender bender) and reading mangas to find if they have lgbt content so you dont have to suffer the pain of trying to! Clown on this post and please face my wrath

Keep in mind that these aren’t in order of ratings!! Its just a list. I also give summaries of the plot, the things that make it lgbt, and some content warnings!! 

1. Welcome to Room #305! by Wanan 

Kim Jung Hyun moves into an apartment (room #305) with a friend of a friend, named Kim Homo! Who (you guessed it) is gay! As Jung Hyung begins to live with Kim Homo, he slowly learns to accept him for his sexuality. Once he overcomes his homophobia and completely accepts him for who he is, other lgbt characters pop in too!! They all have their struggles with their identities, and it is very realistic, but the art style helps keep all that angst at bay! As far as english translations go, we have several lesbian characters, and a trans guy. You can read the english translation on several manga sites, but if you want the link to the original since this is a webcomic, here’s the [link]! Unfortunately english updates are very slow since translation teams have other projects, and legal companies who translate take their sweet precious time. 

2. Bokura no Hentai by Fumiko Fumi

The title might seem misleading, however it can be translated as “Our Transformation”! Buckle up buttercup cause this manga will fuck you over emotionally. Three crossdressers meet up after being in a crossdressing group, with different reasons as to why they crossdress. Parou crossdresses to fall in love with a straight guy, Marika is actually a trans woman, and Yui crossdresses as his dead sister to “help” his mother with her grieving. There are some other characters who don’t fit within the gender norms! 

Now let me tell you if you are dealing with some trauma and can’t handle very sensitive topics, this manga might not be the one for you. Although it isnt just homophobia and transphobia, it also contains content of sexual harrassment, pedophilia, and suicide. However these topics are not glorified or sexualized. They are trauma of some of the characters and they must learn how to overcome from it individually. However, there is a happy ending for them!! Please let that be known! I enjoyed reading it if sobbing your heart out counts as enjoying it, because it has indeed pulled my heart strings (although I am not a trans woman, I am a trans guy and I can identify with only some of the things Marika goes through, as trans women go through different experiences than trans men and have it harder on them.) 

3. Hourou Musuko (Wandering Son) by Takako Shimura

This manga is one of the most well known mangas realistically depicting trans identity. It became popular when an anime adaptation came out! However the anime adaptation only covers the middle school part of our protagonists lives, however it encourages you to read the manga to find out what happens to them and their life! We have two protagonists. Shuichi who identifies as a girl, and Yoshino who identifies as a boy. Shuichi is the primary protagonist while Yoshino serves as a secondary protagonist. 

This manga also realistically depicts how hard it is for transfeminine people to come out and be themselves while transmasculine people seem to have it easier (dont clown on this dear fuck). We have lesbian, gay, and genderfluid characters galore! Although they do have some touchy topics like transmisogyny and transphobia in general, it is less heavier than Bokura no Hentai.  

Some people might not like the outcome of this story when it comes to Yoshino, however I am content with it because it shows that people should be able to explore their gender identity, and they are welcome to change it anytime as they see fit. Sometimes you won’t figure out your identity if you don’t explore. 

4. Shimanami Tasagore / Our Dreams at Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani

Also one of the more well known ones, the mangaka of this beautiful story is X-gender and asexual! It follows the protagonist, Tasuku is contemplating suicide as rumors circulate that he is gay at his highschool (he is). He sees a woman jumping off a building nearby and runs to her aid. Her name is Anonymous/Somebody and she sees herself is asexual but other than that she does not like labels, she invites Tasuku inside the building she just jumped off, which contains a group of exclusively lgbt characters. 

We have both trans, lesbian, and gay people. We see their struggles. We see how they overcome it. We see how even we ourselves can harm others even if we’re both lgbt. Of course there is homohpobia, transphobia, etc. however it is all handled perfectly and we get the satisfaction of these characters speaking up for either themselves or for each other. I also love Anonymous simply because she doesn’t like labels and chooses not to use them (excluding the asexual part). Not everyone whos part of the lgbt community has a label, however they are still a part of us! 

5. Fukakai na boku no subete o (Fukaboku)/ Love me for who I am by Konayama Kata

Fukaboku is a very special manga to me, as it goes in depth on gender identity and sexuality. There are two protagonists, Tetsu who is a cis guy and supposedly straight (we later find out that he is not), and Mogumo, who is both intersex and nonbinary. 

Tetsu works as a chef at Question Cafe, and everyone employed in fanlations are called girlyboys, however in the official translation they use otokonoko which is anyone crossdressing as a girl regardless of their gender. There are plenty of transwomen, gay people, etc.! Tetsu falls in love with Mogumo, so he isn’t straight, however he isn’t explicitly gay because he recognizes Mogumo as what they identify as, nonbinary. It is safe to say that he could either be pan, bi, omni, etc. however we can’t confirm since it hasn’t been explicitly stated.

We learn how transfeminine people have certain struggles, like shoes that dont fit them, breasts, and voice feminization. We also have a dose of family struggles when it comes to Mogumo in later/current chapters. 

Before you dm me, yes. Yes I know about the shit prequel. The prequel actually features a gay couple in fukaboku. I have read it. Reluctantly even if it was only 24 pages. However just because the prequel is shit does not mean we should cancel Fukaboku. There is a thing called being critical of the content you’re enjoying. If we treated it like cancel y because of x, then things like persona 4 and danganronpa would be cancelled, but lets not get into that. 

6. Kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku by Umi Takase

I haven’t heard of this one as much as I have the others, so I was very much pleased when I heard about this! There are two protagonist (yes there are a lot of lgbt mangas with two protags I’ve noticed too), Hime and Akira. Hime has a crush on Akira, who identifies as a girl. However this manga is also realistic, as Akira doesn’t fully ‘pass’ as a girl herself. Hime wants to do anything she can to help Akira feel comfortable on her first day of school wearing a girl’s uniform. Because of Akira being made fun of, Hime shows up to school in Akira’s male uniform to help Akira in solidarity. 

Their teachers are fully aware of Akira’s situation, however instead of discriminating her they accept her. Their homeroom teacher helps Hime overcome her internal problem about lashing out at others who try to befriend Akira, and she slowly realizes that just because people can’t accept Akira straight away, they will slowly get used to her and come to terms with the fact that Akira is trans in their own time rather than have it being forced on them.

Hime and Akira make friends slowly and we see that even little things (like calling Akira cute and/or a girl) helps Akira, even if theyre small things we dont usually notice. Hime also struggles with her crush as she sees Akira as a girl, yet she cant accept the fact that shes attracted to girls. 

Although Akira doesnt feel the same way as Hime does, she doesnt just like her as a friend, but also not as a lover either. Its safe to say that these two have a quasiplatonic relationship with each other. 

7. Yuzu no Koto by Arai Shou

I have noticed that there are plenty of mangas with transfeminine characters as the focus, rather than transmasculine, so heres one for the transmasculines! Ichigo’s best friend Yuzu comes back to school, however he is enrolling as a boy! It is very humorous as Ichigo tries to understand and get used to her best friend’s new identity. Although it is slow as each chapter is a single page, it is hinted that Yuzu has a crush on Ichigo (or if thats just me squinting really hard). 

8. Ohana Holoholo by Torino Shino 

It is a story about two bi women who are ex-girlfriends, raising one of the women’s baby together as a little family! There is also an idol/actor who helps them out and visits them occassionally! If you want something warming and wholesome, this is the manga for you!! 

9. My Androgynous Boyfriend by Tamekou

Wako, a woman who works for a publishing company is in a relationship with an androgynous/genderless man! Her boyfriend wears dresses, makeup, and is an instagram model! It is not necessarily treated as crossdressing. It is handled pretty well, and the chemistry between Wako and her boyfriend is very strong. They both love each other so much and help each other with their hobbies and interests. This is what a loving and healthy relationship is supposed to look like!!

10. Inside Mari by Shuzo Oshimi

It is debatable if this is actually considered lgbt, considered the circumstances, however I put it on this list because it shows how mental illnesses and disorders really feel to the person whos suffering from it. Please read throughout this whole section to understand why. 

Inside Mari is about a man named Isao who stalks this young girl named Mari. He follows her back outside of a little convenience store, but when she turns back and looks at him he wakes up inside her body and doesn’t know how to cope with it. He tries to find Mari while putting on a facade and living as her. He meets a girl named Yori who instantly recognizes that Isao isn’t actually Mari from his mannerisms. This girl has had a crush on Mari, just like Isao. Isao tries to prove to Yori that he switched bodies, and when he goes to his apartment, he finds someone living as him, but it isn’t Mari.

The more we delve into this manga, the more we figure out exactly what happened to Mari and Isao. As Isao and Yori visit and retrace his steps, Isao gets flashbacks to memories of Mari. Isao soon realizes that he isn’t actually the real Isao, but a introject of Isao, and that Mari actually has DID because of childhood trauma. The ending is bittersweet, as Mari comes back but Isao unfortunately becomes dormant/disappears since I don’t think what happened was them merging. 

11.  Seibetsu  "Mona Lisa" No Kimi He by Yoshimura Tsumuji 

In the world, people can choose what gender they want to be when they’re 12. When they’re 14 their appearance corresponds to their gender. Hinase however, is 18 years old and they still haven’t chosen a gender. They prefer to be neither. However when their two best friends suddenly confess to them, their hormonal development suddenly starts to increase. 

Imagery and symbolism is very clear in this manga!! As we revolve around the color blue/cyan and the debate and interpretations of Mona Lisa’s gender. I’m very hopeful that Hinase will stay as nonbinary rather than choosing a gender, simply because both of their best friends confessed and asked them to become the opposite gender to be with them. It is very much hinted that Hinase will be in a romantic relationship with their male best friend however. I love this manga simply because the protagonist doesn’t want to identify as either male nor female. 

12. Jun And Kaoru: Pure And Fragrant by Neiki Zui

Jun and Kaoru have a special condition, by midnight they both switch genders. Because they both have this condition, they hang out with each other and help each other with clothing, etc. It should be addressed that these two do not have the “I wish to be a girl/boy” etc. The problem that they have though is their growing crush on each other. They are either genderqueer, or genderfluid, or whatever you prefer since it isn’t directly stated within the manga. They’re not cis or straight! It is a very fun and comedic love story and I wish to see further updates on it!!! 

13. Sakura-Chan to Amane-Kun by Asazuki Norito 

This story revolves around Sakura who identifies as a girl and Amane who identifies as a boy. Amane spots Sakura dressed as a girl and instantly recognizes her, however instead of belittling her he asks her out on a date, only if she goes as a girl. During school however, they have to pretend to be the gender theyre assigned with while not interacting with each other. 

Since there is a lot more but I dont want to break tumblr, I will be making a part 2 and I’ll post it tomorrow! 

[manic-panic-sapphic]

How did u figure it out you were a lesbian because I have no idea I can’t tell if I find boys attractive or if I just think they are cute (I don’t know how to word it) or if I think girls are attractive or if I just want to look like them. Can u offer any advice to figuring it out? Sorry to bother you.

You're not bothering me at all my friend, I'm happy to offer an answer! Well... I'll try, I'm not a good talker but I'm happy to do what I can to help ^^~♡

Now, before I say anything: I want u to know that its okay to be confused about sexuality, attraction and it's fine to question it - I sure as hell did! The best advice I have is to just take a deep breath and let it come to you. Let yourself fall in love and get into relationships in your own time. You don't have to label yourself, you can simply say "I just like people, I like what I like and I dont want to give it a label". Nothing wrong with that ^^ it's also okay if you dont know what kind of attraction you feel, romantic, sexual or otherwise - you can be pan- or bisexual and have certain preferences/attractions towards specific genders, I.e. you might really be into the idea of dating men but the thought of having sex with men grosses you out, whereas you could feel sexual and emotional attraction towards women. This doesn't make you explicitly lesbian, you're still pan/bi/label-less/whatever you choose to identify as, but just have a stronger preference for women. And that is okay - doesnt make you any less valid, so dont feel pressured about finding a label just yet ^^ it might come to you one day, it might change, and if you never figure it out, that's also fine! Sexuality is so fluid for some people that sometimes you physically can't narrow it down to something as simple as gay or straight.

I've personally always been a little on the fence regarding my sexuality. I dont think I've ever been into guys at the same level as a standard straight person... I've always felt pulled towards girls even if I couldnt really name the feeling. I just wanted to spend time with girls. Me being somewhere on the asexual spectrum and all, I don't really experience sexual attraction to any genders generally speaking, and throughout my high school years I never cared about finding a partner. I did not understand what my friends meant when they said "this person is so hot", be it male or female. I lied about a lot of my male crushes in high school because I thought there was something wrong with me and didnt want to be called out for being different. I wasnt too afraid of the 'lesbo-label', I've always been self confident in staying true to my identity, but the "you dont feel attraction? you must be a violent emotionless serial killer" rumours really scared me, especially because I was really into horror and black metal 😂😂

In terms of me realising I was a lesbian, I think I sort of figured it out when I came to the realisation that I had this massive need to protect someone, and to be the strong, dominant counterpart in a relationship. Unlike other girls I knew I didn't want a guy to protect me, to cuddle me, to buy me presents because I wanted that role. I've nicknamed it "the knight in shining armour complex" 😂. I preferred the company of girls, especially girls who were more feminine than me and physically smaller than me, who I could impress by showing my physical strength to them and taking stupid risks like trying to skateboard when I had no skill for it *cringes*. I didn't really like the idea of making myself look attractive to guys, or male attention, and I've always seen guys as equals in rivalry and friendships rather than people I'd like to date. Anyway I was 14 or so when I started silently identifying as bisexual because I realised how I was seriously into my best friend. I was like you at the time, not sure of what attraction I felt towards guys or girls, which is why I didnt jump straight to the lesbian label, but spending time with this girl who I'd known for 4 years sparked emotions that no guy ever had. I was the athletic one and always had a need to show her how "masculine" I was. I wanted to protect her from everything, I would feel so excited by little touches and hugs and when we'd share a bed at sleepovers, and I was really into the inside joke we had that she was my wife. She said it in the best friends way but I really wanted it to be true. I'd get super depressed and moody at her when she told me about male crushes because I wanted to have her for myself - again, I wasnt sure if it was me being a lesbian or a protective best friend. But yeah, it took me a year to think it over before I finally accepted that I might be a bit gay, hence why I took the bisexual label. Once the bitch I once called my best friend stabbed me in the back and caused me life long trauma and trust issues concerning relationships (thanks Kaye, really appreciate it), I didnt have any crushes on anyone for 3 years and just stuck to the bisexual ace label for that time. I was still really confused about sexuality but I had exams and university to think about so I thought 'screw it' and figured that it would just make sense once I found a partner... and it did. I met my first girlfriend at university, and spending time within a lesbian relationship made everything make sense: I had a 'eureka' moment where I was like "this is exactly what I've been wanting. This is what's been missing from my life. I now know for a fact that I like girls. I want this, I dont want a guy.". So in conclusion it took me near enough 5 years to work out that I was gay, and occasionally I'll meet a real soft super sweet guy and think "am I bi after all???", so even though I'm like 99% sure I'm lesbian and can't see myself ever getting married to and settling down with a man, that 1% swings by every now and then and makes me question everything.

I guess what I'm trying to say in a really really unnecessarily long answer: take your time. Embrace those emotions for guys and girls, and let it come to you. Theres no easy way to work it out, unfortunately, but You'll find the right people by just taking it one step at a time. I believe you'll come to a conclusion that works for you by just taking it easy and not forcing yourself into slots that you don't necessarily fit in. 😁 hope I was able to help at least a little~ 💕💕

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I’ve seen some people talk about how they thought they(let’s say ftm) were a lesbian and are now a trans gay man. I’m just confused on how exactly ones sexuality could change like that. I’ve heard of it before and how it can sometimes dramatically change with gender label changes but I’m still confused. Thinking you were a lesbian and then realizing you’re a straight man makes sense to me but idk about this.

So I do want to start off by saying that I am just one trans man, and I dont want to speak for The Whole Community or anything because everyone is different! In my experience, this is kind of one of those things that is more difficult to explain to cisgender people. I think it has a lot to do with there being a lot less trans representation than lgb representation....you grow up thinking "things arent right for me, i dont fit in society and i have all these Feelings that i dont understand" and youre exposed to the concept of A Butch Lesbian....and youre like wow okay that seems closer to what i feel ! its not exactly right but i'll take it ! and so thats what you try to conform to for a while even though it doesnt feel exactly right because you dont know theres an alternative yet. you might see posts that are like "wlw project on male characters & m/m ships because theyre more developed than w/w ships in media" & while that may be true for some people it can also make things confusing for us (queer trans men) until we figure our identity out.

I also think like your gender identity does play a huge role in your sexuality because its oriented around how you of a certain gender experience attraction to other people (of various genders). When I thought I had to be a woman, i didnt like the concept of a man being interested in me like that as much because it Wasnt Right, which again I thought had to be bc i preferred women - but after realizing i was a trans man, i realized it was bc i wanted guys to be interested in me as another guy. and suddenly that concept was a whole lot more interesting lol

Identity is just very confusing and for some people it takes a few tries to find the right one. our previous identities dont negate who we are now & thats true for everyone i think.

(ps i hope this makes sense bc im like so tired right now lol)

Wes

[secretlesbiancommunication]

hi! you might not be able to answer this but i really dont know who else to speak to and i am just so confused. fair warning this whole thing is really stupid and im sorry if it offends anyone. BASICALLY lately ive been questioning my gender identity and possibly being nonbinary but 1. i dont have dysphoria and 2. i currently identify as a lesbian. i really dont want to push myself into a community where i dont belong or dont fit into at all so i dont really know what to do

Bruh.

1) I’m cis, so any information I can give you would be based on what I have heard trans people say. It would probably benefit you to talk to trans and nonbinary people.

2) this is not stupid. Questioning your gender and feeling confused is completely okay and your feelings are valid, even if in the end you decide you’re cis.

3) currently identifying as a lesbian doesnt have to mean that there’s no way you could be trans. Say if you figure out you’re a trans man, you would simply be a straight man. Sexuality labels just describe who you’re attracted to. You’re a person who’s exclusively attracted to women, and when you figure out what your gender is you’d just change the label to what describes someone of your gender being attracts to women. Sexualities don’t have to be identities, they can just be descriptors.

4) questioning your gender isn’t pushing yourself into a community. It’s a personal thing that others with similar experiences can help you with, and any good trans person wouldn’t be offended by you being confused.

5) what is it that makes you think you’re trans? Consider if what’s making you question your gender comes from inside or outside influences. When I was in middle school I actually questioned if I was trans for a while so I did a lot of research and started watching a lot of trans and non-binary YouTubers. That was actually helpful for me to understand that I’m just a girl who is somewhat gender-noncomforming. I realized that I didn’t actually feel like a guy, and I just wanted to be treated like how men are treated in society. I feel comfortable with the gendered parts of my body being they way they are, even if I do wish I looked different for non-trans-related reasons. If that sounds like you, then please don’t hesitate to dm me and I’ll try my best to help you out. If not, you can still dm me. Either way you should definitly talk to some trans people and listen to what they say. Sometimes you just need to hear someone else put what you’re feeling into words so you can better understand the topic. Good luck anon!!

[lairofsentinel]

that bi post is interesting- i guess i have a third pov tho. ive seen some people use bi in a "new" way, to mean stuff like "attracted to women and nb people", "to men and nb people" or "attracted to several genders but not necessarily all" and so on, but also to mean, yeah, pan. and ngl thats cool. i think bi's pretty much a neat catchall for multisexuals of all kind, a bit like how queer is a catchall for anyone not cis or straight, and historically bi even used to group ace people too.

i reread your tags three times and actually it seems that we agree- i guess im just tempted to say that while everyone agrees on the meaning of pan, some people however use it differently to reflect their experience better. but unlike most people i dont view it as a bad thing but way more as something great because people can talk about their experience without feeling bound by, well, limits and definitions and blah i guess ? and as a trans person i find this great and important, not transphobic

Hello there,

thank you for sharing your pov.

I mean, the “new” way sure has a lot to do with “in which country you live”. Here, where I live, people is not using bi-pan in any new different way. But I've seen/read certain strange uses online. [the funniest use and also the only one that annoyed me was, time ago, when some weird straight people started to say: “I'm bisexual, but I only like men/women”.... like... what? How that bisexuality works? XD, but anyway, I'm nobody to go as a gender/sexuality police. Pft, I can't even speak English properly in a discussion. xD]. Also, years ago, some weird people started to say that pansexuality included trans people, while bisexuality no, so they kind of enforced the concept that “bisexuality ” had a transphobic root in its own... which is stupid, since statistics shows that trans people has quite more chances to be in a relationship with a bi/pan partner than a gay/hetero one... so.... soooooo......really crazy the way people spread misinformation. 

The meaning of the tags... well... it's long: I can't be anything else but chill about the enormous amount of words that LGBT community has crafted along these last years, because sure, we all want to have the exact right word for us, to condense all our complexity in a single word XD. But let's be honest, no way that would happen, ever. So, until people “discovered” [or more like accepted] that gender and sexuality are a spectrum and are more complex than 3 or 4 words, we developed a lot of words along the way, and made use of the same word with several different uses, making of this world a more complex one [because we are never satisfied with our own :P]. And I'm not even counting on the fact of those “re-appropriated” words that were a slur previously, back in time, such as queer. Those words are a whole lot of mess. 

Two simple examples:

A friend of mine at work is a bisexual woman [happily married with her wife

Another case: I, for example, feel super weird with labels. I'm nb, I give a fuck to any word of any gender. But I live in a Spanish speaking country and.... the HELL with the strongly gendered languages... I keep jumping from masculine to feminine or using the “new” neutral forms with -e [that all puritans hate and fight me for that]. But still yet, I keep using the word gay [in English, because at least it's more neutral than any other], because for the world, I'm a gender that can't be hidden once I speak [you know, damn voice] and I kind of be attracted to people of the “same” gender that everyone attaches to me [I said it in that way, because I'm more like a demy-gay, but forget to use demisexual here, nobody knows shit XD]. So... the obvious, shortest way, and efficient way to get rid of that problem every time I have to deal with that [aka, some person asks me with a reasonable argument that doesnt make me to toss them away], it's the word gay. But again, not even that means what it usually means, in my case. But again, imagine explaining all this shit, all the time, every time someone asks me with good reasons?. No way, I'll get bored of all that jabber.

So, these 2 single examples are to explain that... well, LGBT identity words, today, are a mess. Especially if you start adding those trans-masculine and trans-feminine and a lot of extra adjectives.... to me it's more confusing to understand what that person truly is, but what it's clear with that is that such person has a complex identity that wants to be acknowledged. So, if I know this, and if it's relevant for some valid [aka non-creepy] reason, I would ask to understand exactly the shade they mean, so I can acknowledge them properly. Because every gender and sexuality is a mess by its own. We will never get one single word that can embrace it wholly. I know some lucky people got it, they are gay, and cis, or trans and hetero and they are super fine with that...and I'm happy for them, they don't need extra explanations for describe their genders and sexualities xD.

That's why my tags were like that. Pansexuality appeared some decades ago [it's a super young word], specially in countries that are not USA [which it is the country that everything usually revolts around, here in tumblr]. Pan is a super new word, that mostly young people would be more inclined to use. It's more meaningful for young people [maybe. This is not a must. More like an average estimation.]

It's like queer. The oldest LGBT people, with USA-background, will probably hate it to use it. They attached to that word a slur shade that pierced their lives, it's too harmful even to use as a re-appropriated word. Yet, young people love it. Specially people without usa-background. Some of them can't even fathom the hard history meaning behind it.  

Well, queer word, outside the history, is a whole mess in its own XD. What does a person mean when they say that they are queer? Are they gay? Are they trans? Are they nb? . Nobody knows. And it's ok, the clear meaning in that word is “look, I'm not cis and/or hetero”. And that's the way it works. I like to use it sometimes too, now that it has been popularised in the South hemisphere thanks to the influences of Butler. 

So, yeah, we agreed, anon. XDI tried to say the same as you in my messy tags. I wrote that because sometimes I find such a nerdrage about the **chastity** or the **purity** of languages with this mess of words, or the annoyance of people that don't know the 52 labels at our disposal to describe the LGBT experience. And I simply say that it's okay not to know all of that, and not to force or stress into picking one, because most probably, you will not get it completely explained in one single word, since words, despite being 52, are limited, and sexuality and gender is a whole mess with flavours, colours and shits, that—even worse—may change with time xD.

So... the most mature attitude I think someone can take about this mess is to relax about those labels, pick the ones they think fits better for them, and understand that everyone has their own gender/sexuality, and that label may not suffice, so, when it's relevant, it's ALWAYS important to speak honestly. Yeah, all this textwall could never enter into the tags. xD.

[gracedandelioninkmind]

Since it's pride month

For most of my time at school betweeb last september and febrary I had a crush on this girl. And you see Id been working through how feelings and sexuality work for me ever since the end of high school, because id been realizing that id never been actively interested in kissing or anything intimate with anyone. Id had plenty of what I call Sparks of Interests, where I just enjoyed looking at someone, talking to them, but more and in a different way than normally for friends. But all of those Interests were towards guys. I loved talling to my friends about guys and hypotheticals about them. I always envisioned myself in a man and woman couple and I loved that opposites pairing in every romance. But I wouldnt say that the ppssibility that I could be interested in girls hadnt crossed my mind. It didnt when I was little, and it didnt in middle school when I told girls that I didnt like boys, because they were stupid, and someoen asked if I was a lesbian. But in high school there was this awesome chick that transferred into our school. I woulsnt say I was overtly attracted to her, I certainly never had any fantasies about her, but I just thought she was so cool and I definitely wanted her to like me and to be friends eith her. Her twin brother was cool too. Oh oh and dont let me forget that one year I was apart of the schools journalism program and some of us were sitting around the classroom and I suddenly giggled at something I was reading, and this one nice tomboy girl was like omygod was that you that was the most adorable sound. I was so flustered, i will never forget that compliment.

But still i was straight. I fantasized about m/f relationships, not necessarily involving me because I cant often envision myself eith just anyone. I just think that romance is fascinating and enthralling and sometimes lots of things can be interesting.

And then I was reading a fanfic, and the girl was asexual, and Id been thinking about asexuality as an explanation for why I just didnt think i wanted to be sexual with anyone id ever met. But it didnt feel quite right because I know i mustve felt some attraction to some guys before, and definitely felt attraction to actors and such.

And then my friend gave me the term Gray Asexuality to research. Have you ever been putting together a puzzle and u put a piece in place, and it looks right and the picture doesnt seem to be wrong--but then you find another piece that looks so similar and you try it instead and it fits so much better, not loose or jammed. That was my feeling finding out that there was this complexity to sexuality and romance to explain why things just always feel so subtle for me. To explain why I can crave love but I really very often find that the very idea of kissing and sex is just awkward and weird to imagine for myself. It explained part of why my one week relationship fell through. Id had a crush on the guy since first meeting him at the start if the school year, and i had been so excited when he asked me out, and it was fun to hold hands and hug. But i hadnt wanted to kiss him, and it had bene so annoying when my friend told me i should kiss him, even just on the cheek. It just hadnt felt like there was a very big difference between my friendship with him and dating him.

So i got to thinking over all of my feelings towards all sorts of people. And if my sexuality and attraction was as rare and subdued as all that towards men, then I felt that maybe I hadnt wuite recognized any feelings id had towards girls.

And after discovering the asexual spectrum, i finally had some very interesting dreams, the likes of which id never had before turning 18 let me tell you. And they didnt only focus on men anymore.

And then i was in my second year at college, and i hadnt had many more dreams, and i hadnt found any real crushes my first year. But my second year i started working at the library, and one day this cute asian girl came through with a polite hello as she passed the front desk where i sat politely greeting everyone for my first week. I found myself memorizing her immediately. I would hope to catch her eye, catch a hello, a goodbye. I found myself glancing over to ehere she sat if she was in sight. And when she came to check out dvds i memorized her name immediately, all the more because id seen it on a study desk while doing rounds. See i hadnt knoem that if someone leaves something at their desk ee leave it alonenso id taken the open umbrella doem to the front desk and asked my coworkers and they said to put it back so i remembered the namr on the desk and returned it. So when i saw this cute girls name and recognized it from that desk, it almsot felt like fate. But that was silly. And i only thought she seemed nice and she was cute. That was all.

But then i was trying to capture her likeness on paper, ehich didnt go well those first few sketches because i hadnt gotten any good looks at her face. And after finding out her name I suddenly heard it cropping up elsewhere, and i was talking to my friends about her. My friends did not agree that i wasnt crushing. I insisted that i just wanted to get to know her was all. And then one day at lunch a new friend id made in class invited me to sit with her and her friends, and she mentioned an Eliza. Boy the anticipation, the excitement, the shy feelings, and the satisfaction when the very same girl sat with us.

Then that same friend invited me to a movie night at her dorm lounge with her friends, and when i asked who all would be there, anyone i know, she said maybe. I wondered to myself if She would be there. When i got into the dorm, lost and unfamiliar with the halls, waiting for my friend to come find me, I suddenly heard teo voices from upstairs. I knew one was my new friend, and with joy i recognized the other as Her. As it turned out She was the only other friend to join us. We 3 spent the night watching black panther and history of japan, getting to know each other, and I painted Her nails. It was different touching her hands then itd ever been with another girl. I found myself hoping for something. I hoped at least that she would like me as a person and wed be friends.

Every interaction after was a treasure for me. Moments we happened to be alone, when she offered to keep me company at lonely meals, when we had a big kdrama hangout and she did my hair, etc etc.

I had to acknowledge that it was crush of course. I told my closest friends about it.

And one day this crazy thing happened. I was sitting with Her and our friend and the two of us apart from Her were discussing dating apps and whatnot. And She asked why was i even concerned eith that stuff anyways. Id been thinking by then that she might be aspec because she never threw in her oen teo cents about interest in relationships whrn we discussed these things. I explained that i just wanted to try dating. I hadnt ever been on a real date.

While our friend was continuing with another topic, i heard Her say that She could take me on a date. My mind caught on it, but the topic had changed, and I felt that it couldnt have been serious. And so i gushed and whined about it to my friends. But the next day I brought it up as a joke with our group of friends, and she acknowledged that shed said it. Our friends supported it, because why not. Theres such a thing as a friendly joke date. I kind of messed it up i think though because when it was jsut us parting ways after brunch, she said she was going downtown, and i said That couldve been our date. And she agreed and invited me along. I wish id been dressed cuter. But it was fine, and it was a nice enough date, though i dont think she had any experience or interedt in how dates usually worked--it wasnt a serious date anyways, so i wouldnt get my hopes up. I wouldnt be invested. But wr passed a friend of hers, another cute girl maybe smaller than me, and She told her that we were on a date. That felt significant.

The next day i brought up that wed gone on the date to my group of friends, with Her sitting next to me. And she became so awkward, and after my friends congratulated us, she told me It wasnt a real date. On the outside i played it off casually saying Listen do you know how excited friends get about dates let me have this. On the inside i was so disappointed and heartbroken and a bit defensively angry with her. I announced to the table that she wasnt to make sure everyone knew it wasnt a real date. What i was really saying was hey friends she just crushed my heart.

But we were still friends. And after a while i got okay again. She hadnt even noticed anything had gone wrong.

At some point I told that first mutual friend about my crush on Her. Id been withholding eho my crush was on from her for a while and she hadnt even guessed Her. But when I told her she said everything made sense.

And then she set us up for a valentines day date. I couldnt believe it. She jsut randomly messaged me Would u want Her to be ur valentines date. And i was like Id appreciate any date tbh but yeah id like to go on a date with Her. And apparently She just agreed. I couldnt tell you why she did any of the things she did. But i can tell you that thru some conversations it became clear that my hypothesis was likely accurate. She didnt understand dates, she didnt see the difference beteren friend date and real date. This was just this nice outing with a friend. Part of me was okay with that, because i did simply enjoy Her. But another part of me felt unfulfilled and sad. But we had a nice date anyways. I learned even mroe about her and she made me this oittle clay blueberry because i would sometimes just pick out a blueberry at the dining hall and admire its beauty. It was a very nice date and i got to dress up cute for someone. I didnt let myself hope for much.

And then i was talking to more of our mutual friends about crushing on Her, and someone told me that shed asked Her out before and that her response had been something along the lines of not being interested like that. We all agreed that She likely just doesnt have any interest in romance or whatnot.

And so i began burying it away. My mourning period passed. She graduated, and its all over. My first ever crush on a non-man. It had been nice.

Btw her ringtone in my phone was Mindy Gledhill's I Do Adore.

[fancydancing]

Virtue Moir - The musical

Let’s take a little musical journey starting with Stay and ending with YRMW. 

I don’t have an objective bone in my body when it comes to this topic, so I let other people do the talking. (I might have only picked comments that fit my narrative, but I’m only human, give me a break!) 

**I put this together very quickly, so please forgive any mistakes**

**Also, it’s very long, but you have to read to the end to get the whole story**

Let’s begin...

Stay - Rihanna

Song meaning according to VM:

“It’s really about this couple who’s madly in love and long for each other, but they keep missing each other and can’t get their timing quite right to make it work in the end.”

And oh yeah, didn’t Scott say that this was their story? Hmmm...

According to anonymous experts on the internet:

I think it is about two people that are completely in love, but are dealing with their own personal battles. He is the one that is "broken" (maybe mental illness), but she was in a place in life that she needed to be saved from emotionally. He is the only one that she feels can help her fill this emptiness she has been living with. He says its not much of a life she's living, and that she never sees the light. Life isn't something you take, it is given. Live it, don't just let it pass you by. He wants her to get out and live and stop being depressed. She needs help being there for him, it is dragging her down, but she loves him and wants to help him get through it. Round and around and around they go... meaning they keep dealing with this same battle over and over and over again trying to help each other, and it doesn't seem to be getting better. All they know, is they need the other and can't get through it alone, but it's a huge struggle trying to keep helping the other and pulling each other up.

**

The two each came into the other's life for some helping reason. They came to realize that they were both in need of help and helping. An unanticipated affection grew for one another. They end up genuinely caring for each other and not just serving themselves. The concept is foreign to them; they are stripped "naked" of pretenses...beyond mental or physical desires...they care for someone outside theirselves. It is a new unadulterated and pure place, and they are trying to understand it.

Into the Mystic  - Van Morrison

Most interpretations say it’s about the end of a long journey and beginning a new path into the unknown. All I know is ST choreographed it themselves in his (or hers?) kitchen.

Anonymous sources say:

“Into the Mystic.... Into the the unknown without fear with your soulmate at your side”

"At the very end Van sings: too late to stop now, suggesting that the song also describes an act of love." 

Good Kisser - Usher

This song left me screaming, “TMI! TMI!” I want to know whose idea it was to skate to this song? And did VM understand what Usher was talking about? Because I really never paid too much attention to the lyrics although I’d heard the rumors. 

And did they perform this IN FRONT OF THEIR PARENTS?? (no pun intended)

That’s all I have to say about this song. 

How Will I Know - Originally by Whitney Houston

I thought this comment summed it up pretty nicely:

“She still is unsure of how he feels, she doesn't know. He hasn't made it clear. Gave her reassurance or made any plans. She's sick of waiting by the phone for nothing to happen. If he wants her in his life hell have to communicate the good ol fashion way. If not than he obviously doesn't. She wants to marry him but if that's never possible she would settle for SPECIAL friends or even just good friends. She just wants to be part of his life and world like she has made him part of. She's giving him another chance and if he doesn't take it soon she can't promise the opp will always be available. He hurt her. She still tried. She wishes he would be comfortable with her as she is with them. They got along great and it was so easy. That's what doesn't make sense to her. There's no need to have fear. She's made her case. Hopefully she'll know sooner than later.”

What's Love Got to Do With It - Originally by Tina Turner

“I think that this song is about a woman who doesn't want to fall in love again with an obviously attractive man due to a bad relationship experience in the past.”

***** “This man is obviously (sexually) very attractive (his touch makes her "pulse react") but for her own "protection" she says to him 'nope sir', a guy won't cause me a "broken heart" (again).” **** “In the refrain she just asks a general question about the value of love at all, she concludes that love in real life is not what it is suppopsed to be according to ones imagination and /or dreams. At first you fall in love with an attractive man but than your heart will be broken (he will cheat or misstreat you). But she also states that she isn't all happy about her beeing reluctant to love because she actually doesn't really want to spend her life alone. "But I have to say... It scares me to feel this way" because even though she has made bad experience in the past, she still has hope that she will find the right one finally. On the other hand it might be interpreted as a song about a woman who uses to have sex with the guys but doesn't wand to start deeper relationships with them because real love can turn out painful. (She likes to have a 'higher pulse rate' but doesn't want to have a 'broken heart'”

***

“As for the meaning of the song,i think it's simply about how the word love is just thrown around in a relationship,without any real thought,I saying you love someone,doesn't mean anything if you continue to hurt them,and the guy in the song is just using the word love to make up for all the hurt,which is just unacceptable to the woman.Now i'm a guy but I agree with this song because I feel that also if a girl hurts a guy and tries to make up for the hurt by using the word love,it's meaningless and unacceptable.”

Sorry - Justin Bieber

Co-writer Julia Michaels:

“I immediately thought back to the time that my boyfriend and I broke up. Three months later he came back to my door and was like, ‘I’m really sorry.’ Everyone can relate to fucking up and asking for mercy.

We were just trying to capture that moment in a relationship or a particular moment in your life where you realize you made a mistake and you’re finally ready to admit it and apologize.”

 Latch - Sam Smith

I’ve already done a song analysis on this:

https://scottandtessasactinglessons.tumblr.com/post/172574202160/music-over-analysis-101-latch-so-im-going-to

Tessa said this:

The whole program wants to show fragility and strength, especially to find strength in fragility, and always have to pay and get in a relationship In the first part of the music, Scott lifts me up and supports me with the body. In second part their relationship becomes complicated, full of struggle, resentment and confusion. But in the end they are happy, free and in love. “We have more specific story line, but we wouldn’t tell about it” said Virtue with a smile. “Then we want to go on and see, how this relationship can unfold. We will work on it with our art director.”

From the internet experts:

“Latch's message is never let go love, of key-to-lock (or latch). The video shows couples who barely met becoming intimate. By just focusing on the instant and choosing couples who can't be that man-to-woman latch-to-key lifelong relationship, the video basically misses the point of the lyrics. The meaning of Disclosure Latch can be found in the keywords "shackle" "wrapped" "locked" or even Latch. The words evoke things that bind two together in an unbreakable union. All of these go tied with the most frequent word in the song: "Never." (21 times!) The love Latch sings about is a love never supposed to end, a lock that will never let go. This is the way love is meant to feel. And the feelings are meant to make us live a commitment of never let go.”

 Come what May - Ewan MacGregor and Nicole Kidman 

This doesn’t really need much analysis. The meaning is pretty obvious. But here’s some expert analysis anyway:

“...but rather it is saying that not matter what other extraneous stuff is going on in their lives, they are saying it doesnt matter, hence "come what may" because they are still going to love each other no matter what else occurs...”

“The song plays an important role in the film. When the forbidden strong and close romantic relationship between Christian and Satine has been discovered, Christian pens this romance song and includes it in the musical he is currently writing. Each time either of them sings this song, they can secretly declare their equally deep and true romantic love for each other.”

Long Time Running - Tragically Hip

It appears that no one really knows how to interpret this song. I read interpretations ranging from it’s a song about divorce and depression to people who are planning to use it at their wedding. 

Now I could go into what I think but it’s already been done beautifully by wishfulwannabee:

“Not only have they both said that they relate to this program and the song mirrors their relationship, but let’s take a look at both the program and the song. If you look at the lyrics, the song is actually quite heartbreaking and follows two people in love who can never seem to find a good way to get together. The lyrics changes from “it’s a grave mistake” to “it’s the same mistake” to “it’s a great mistake”, so obviously the song evolves with the relationship. “We don’t go anywhere, just on trips” hits me bc it’s like they test out the waters of the relationship but it never goes anywhere. It’s honestly a song filled with so many emotions and a messy relationship that wants to be somewhere but stumbles along the way to getting there. Now let’s just briefly talk about the program (which they choreographed themselves btw). For me, it seems that the “characters” are trying to chase after each other. There is never a moment where they both want each other. Whenever one is chasing, the other isn’t looking their way. It seems like there was never a good time for them to both want each other the same way at the same time. Until the end when they come together the way that they started. In unison. On the same page.” 

http://wishfulwannabe.tumblr.com/post/172369040350/ok-but-we-dont-talk-about-tessa-and-scotts-long

Here are some other thoughts from the internet experts:

“Part of what makes The Tragically Hip so unique as artists is that their work appeals on many different levels simultaneously, much like the song “Long Time Running.” It’s a beautiful, gut-wrenching ballad even if you don’t listen to the lyrics. If you pay any passing attention to them, you add a hint of whimsicality to the proceedings. But if you dig deeper, and if you have a background that’s at all rooted in the same influences or spaces that permeate the band’s storytelling, then you’re granted a song that encompasses regret, longing, heartache, and a clever undercurrent of Canadiana and esoteric references.”

***

“I believe this speaks on history. Likely as with everyone there were dark times endured with having to live through a break in relationships in some points in his life. I feel like he had a core feeling long ago he had a path he was meant to follow. Part of path with his huge heart we could see was to help bring ppl together( through music ). In all respects the song is looking so strong to become one of Canada’s treasured love songs about perseverance of various aspects of life in sickness as well as love and or success. And a heartfelt turned gently into a eulogy as well that’s sang with such perfect emotion you can feel the pain exhaustion as well accomplished goal - happy with how you lived out your life.”

You Rock My World - Michael Jackson

The experts say:

“MJ is saying that this girl he loves has a profound positive affect in his life, and sexual satisfaction…and he is willing to give everything he owns to keep her.”

“Michael has finally found someone who makes him feel whole. This girl obviously feels like the missing link he has been waiting for.”

“He goes on to describe a truthful love because this girl is herself. He never wants her to change and he tells her that in these lyrics.”

“Michael never thought he would find a Love like hers that is so uncommon, and he feels lucky and honored to be able to have it.”

And finally, this from a website that was just some random guy ranting about GOD and SEX and SIN and SEX and SPIRITUALITY and SEX and the DEVIL and SEX with a little LUST thrown in for good measure.

“YOU ROCK MY WORLD is marinated in sexual juices from its very beginning. It was conceived in the steamy rock-pop culture of the late Michael Jackson.

So then, THE ORIGINAL AND REAL MEANING of YOU ROCK MY WORLD comes from Michael Jackson being rocked into a SEXUAL FRENZY. You flip me out! You rock my boat. You get it on! You send me over the top! You take me beyond all limitations! You break all barriers! You rock me into rapture! Give it to me! Come on girl!

“I am reminded of the words of Shakespeare:

“LUST IS THE EXPENSE OF THE SPIRIT IN A WASTE OF  

SHAME. IT SQUANDERS THE ENERGIES OF LIFE.”

But this guy might be on to something because he closes with this:

“THAT MAN WHO IS ADDICTED TO SENSUALISM AND

FLESHLY APPETITES WILL HAVE LITTLE

APPETITE FOR THE SPIRITUAL WHICH

IS SEASONED BY  VIRTUE.”

What a perfect way to wrap this little story up!

So to recap:

We’re totally in love, but we keep missing each other and/or we just can't make it work (Stay). 

We’re ending this long journey (competitive skating) and we’re moving into the unknown (separate lives - Into the Mystic). 

Ummm, detour! Usher singing about oral sex! PERFECT! The children in the audience won’t understand! (Good Kisser). 

I love you, but I don’t know how you feel about me. (HWIK). 

I love you, I want to be with you, but I’m afraid of getting hurt. (WLGTDWI). 

I screwed up, I’m sorry, it’ll never happen again (Sorry). 

Yes, we’re scared, but we love each other and we’re going to take a chance and commit to being together (Latch). 

We’re declaring our true, deep romantic and secret love for each other. And no matter what happens, we’ll always be together (Come What May). 

Now, we’re wrapping up our skating career and we’re finally on the same page and our current relationship was worth the wait (Long time running). 

Now, everything is perfect, this is what we’ve been waiting for and yes, the sex is amazing (YRMW)!

Phew!

[firebirdscratches]

Pride flags

I love the explosion in pride flags. I love it.  Yes, the original Rainbow Pride Flag is here for us all, but I think it’s wonderful that people are putting such specific, creative wordsmithing into naming their experience, and that they’re also celebrating our diversity and insisting on wonderful, colorful plurality. It’s inspiring, honestly. It also confuses me when people are like “you just wanna feels special,” or “you’re just making stuff up, now.” Buddy - I’ve got bad news for you about...words. And language. And pretty much 95% of human culture. Things mean what we decide they mean! And to me, it’s so refreshing to see queer people making so many bold, bright, beautiful declarations of who they are. There is a reason the rainbow was the choice for our community - each color represents a different aspect of begin gay, but it also emphasizes that there’s so many ways to be gay, and that we must always embrace and celebrate our uniqueness.  So, I decided to make a post with all the pride flags I’ve found that could apply to me! Some of them are more accurate than others, but these are all flags I’ve identified with at some point. 

Can’t beat a classic!

Oh wait, you totes can. I love how this emphasizes our community’s diversity and challenges us to maintain our commitment to intersectionality and listening to the people of color in our ranks. 

I identified as bisexual in college, when I was first figuring things out! I still feel fine being called bi...I just think there’s other terms that are more specific for me!

For a while I identified as polysexual, but I never really felt like it was a perfect fit, and also it seemed easily confused with polyamorous (which I also am). Finally I settled on...

IT ME! :D

OOOoooo so pretty and sparkly! :D From here on in, I’ll put them under a Readmore so that your dash isn’t dominated by an epic long post! 

I just found about this flag/orientation today! Omnisexual! I’m excited about it! Look how gorgeous the flag is! I’m still not clear on the difference between Pansexual and Omnisexual, I’ve seen it articulated different ways by different people...I think I’d be fine with both, tbh! Until I understand the precise distinction it’s hard for me to say which I feel closer to...but I think I’ll stick with “pan” for now, since it feels more accurate for me than bi or poly, and most people understand it. 

Aces are beautiful and belong in our community! Aces are so great!

I’m a gray ace, or graysexual...this is the pride flag for that :D 

This is the original intersex flag...

And this is the new one. I LOVE IT! I never cared for the way the old flag insisted on a gender binary with its pink and blue, though the white was supposed to represent nonbinary intersex people...also it was frequently mistaken for the trans flag, and while I am intersex, I’m definitely not trans, as I was AFAB and identify as a woman. (I didn’t even find out I had an intersex condition until I was 18!) I like how unique this new design is! 

Polyamory pride! :D 

Did you know that lesbians who prefer to kiss and cuddle than have sex used to be called “Bambi Lesbians?” How adorable! And how useful for the ace sapphics today! This was designed by @alouette-lulu, along with a lot of other deer pride flags! She didn’t originally intend them to be “Bambi” pride flags, but I think it works perfectly!

Here’s another design for Bambi lesbians! 

...but I’m not technically a lesbian, so here’s a Perfect Bambi Pan flag! XD I ADORE these, thanks so much for sharing your art, @alouette-lulu!

The sapphic pride flag! AAAAH It’s so pretty!! Sometimes the violets are drawn, instead of being shopped in like this. Did you know that in the language of flowers, Violets were used even centuries ago to express Sapphic romance? Dreamy! <3

The queer flag! Well....one of them. XD I love the word queer, I love how defiant it is, I love its history, I love its refusal to be simply defined, and most of all I love how nobody can agree what the queer flag is, it’s perfect!! I hope there’s always twenty different queer flags because that’s just so QUEER AND PERFECT!!

Another queer flag design!

Oooo Geometry, YAAAAS

TRUTH

The BDSM Pride Flag! I’m not as active in the community as I used to be, but it was honestly lifesaving when I was going through a difficult time, and I learned SO MUCH about who I am as a person through my time in my local kink community.

The Leather pride flag! I’ve often seen this used interchangeably with the BDSM pride flag, but Leather is actually a very specific subculture of the BDSM community with houses and discipline and apprenticeship protocols. I identify more with the first one, but see this one used more often...it still makes me happy when I see it, like I found a kindred spirit! 

The Sapiosexual flag! For a brief while I identified as sapio, but I eventually realized that while intelligence is a key component in my sexual attraction, it wasn’t the most important - that’s kindness, and a sense of humor. I realized this flag actually wasn’t right for me, but it helped me on my journey! 

I actually just discovered this flag in my googling for this post! I am a fat woman, and I’m learning every day how to be proud of that in a fatphobic culture. And this design is based on Neopolitan ice-cream! How cute! At first, I was really excited about it! Unfortunately, this flag is also associated with feederism, stuffing, padding, and other fat fetish, which I find disappointing. Not because I’m judging people’s kinks, but I do not participate in them - I don’t like being fetishized for my body - that doesnt make me feel “proud.” The “vanilla” stripe is supposed to represent “all BBW and BHM and the people that love them” - but I don’t like the implication that I’m “vanilla” just because I don’t participate in fat fetishism. (I’m decidedly not vanilla.) This is a very new flag, having only been designed in 2011, and I’m sad that I couldn’t find a better example for fat queer people.  So why end on that down note?  Because I’ve decided to design my own Fat Pride flag!! :D Defining our communities for ourselves is a quintessential part of the gay experience. I realized - why am I waiting around for someone else to do it? Be the change you want to see in the world! I’m going to try and do it justice! <3 Thanks for reading my long post, and if you liked and reblogged, have a hug from me. I love my community, and I’m so happy Pride Month is here!