#do you think it haunts him in elysium

[mediumgayitalian]

y’all i cannot stop fucking thinking about it. will with his big blue eyes, youngest of them all, completely musically untalented and rhythmically challenged but by the gods does he understand the human body. following lee around holding his quiver and rattling off whatever he just learned from watching michael in the infirmary. doted on by his big siblings. talking for hours about a galaxy far far away with heroes who choose to save the world, aren’t forced to, hey, they’re heroes, just like you, lee! and his siblings have dreams, they know the prophecies, they look at their little brother and they know he will be alone. they don’t know why or how yet but they can feel in their very soul that he will be out in the stupid world with all its hatred and violence and he will have to defend himself. and he can’t shoot straight and he cries when he hurts someone in training, and all he wants to do is help, and he doesn’t understand that people can be cruel and they will take his kindness and bleed him dry. and a war is coming. they can feel it. do you think they would be desperate? for themselves as much as will? i don’t know how long i will live. i don’t know how long i have left. but you will be there, son of phoebus. i know you will. remember me, okay? remember how i loved you. remember how we loved each other, remember how we healed and fought and cared. please. please, will, remember us. and remember how we loved you.

[cryptiduni]

“white mourning.”

[gazorninplat]

As much as I love Disco Elysium, I think I was not prepared for Sacred and Terrible Air. Of course, I was expecting to know more about the world of Elysium as a whole, and Robert Kurvitz is a very good writer, but the thesis of the novel (and how it makes its points) flash-banged me.

Disco Elysium this is not, and it wasn’t supposed to be, but I think I can understand better now what the team at ZA/UM was getting at with this specific setting, and these specific narrative angles. Kinda messy, because it’s been a week since I finished it, but here are some things I’d like to highlight: 

1. The pedophilia. I surely wasn’t expecting this to be such a central theme of the novel, but a lot of its main points revolve around it. The most interesting use of this, as a narrative device, is how the girlfriend of Jesper basically accuses him of being a pedophile because he cannot relate to the adults around him. He’s still obsessed with a girl he met when he was 13 years old, and fetishizes a scrunchie he stole from her bag two decades ago. Yeah, I guess Jesper, well into his thirties, is still in love with a 13 year old girl. His girlfriend is almost half his age, and they started dating when she was 15 years old and a lingerie model (!). Zigi mentions how pedophilia was a bougie disease, and well… That idea went right into my thought cabinet (I call it “Bougie Babies for Sale).

Still processing it.

Now, let’s go back to the rest of the main characters. With all this in mind, a pedophilic overtone covers their interest in these four missing girls, but Jasper is the only one who acts on it, sort of. Khan remains in a sort of arrested development (he still uses a shirt he had when he was 13), foregoing normal adult relationships, and Tereesz joins the police as an investigator with the idea of still finding them some day (essentially letting these eternally prepubescent girls define his entire existence), leading him to a very dark path. I wonder if the brutality they afford to the “actual” pedophiles in the story (Vidkun Hird and the Linoleum Salesman) comes from the realization that they are not that different?

2. Obviously, though, this fetishization of the Lund sisters is also a fetishization of the past. The novel states it in the first few pages; they disappeared twenty years ago, in a time that most conservative people remember as the “good old days”. Basically their version of the American Fifties. Now, being obsessed with the past is a running theme in both SaTA and DE, but the angle here is different.

I already said it: the past is not remembered, is fetishized with an almost sexual yearning by a lot of the male characters of the book. They want to be consumed by it (and lucky them! It will) and do nothing more than serve it. It reminds me of a poem by Yamil Nardil Sadek, which, translated to the best of my ability, goes like: 

She awaits me

sitting on the bed,

wearing leather,

and armed to the teeth,

the Memory.

Yeah, that sums up Sacred and Terrible Air pretty well. Everyone is being consumed by the past, bite by bite, and enjoying it. Vidkun Hird, by the mythologized version of his tribe’s history; Sarjan Ambartsumjan, by a miniature ship model that requires constant, devoted thought or else it will disappear, the three main characters by the memory of that summer with the Lund girls. Even the Linoleum Salesman is being haunted and consumed, of sorts, by his sickness and dementia that only sometimes let him take a peek of the past. Beyond that, there are very few characters that do not spend time being followed by relentless ghosts. Literally, in the case of Zigi. Which brings me to…

3. The Pale. It was a really cool concept in Disco Elysium, and it’s an existential nightmare in Sacred and Terrible Air. It always was, really. But here it lets you take a look into it in a way that’s applicable in real life. The Pale is a metaphor for many things, but actually for a single one: A world where our current Capitalist reality facilitates both apathy and yearning for better days, often idealized in our collective pasts.

My favorite scene, one that was incredibly puzzling but so obvious in retrospect, is a beautiful speech by the ghost (?) of Ignus Nilsen to Zigi. I will just paste it here:

“I said terrible things, yes! I stood on a white horse, in a blizzard, and gave speeches. In the mountains, on the construction site… I swung my sword, with silver sunbeams on the hilt. And all around me fluttered white flags, crests of crowned horns made with silver thread, a pentagon between the prongs of the horns, the branches raised to heaven. Everyone who came here with me became happy, Zigi! Communism is powerful! Believe in Communism, it’s a burst of enthusiasm! I promise! It’s beautiful when you believe in a person, but without it…!”

“Without it, there is nothing.”

“Nothing. It was a blizzard, but it was bright, it was morning. Communism is white, it sparkles! Communism is the morning, it is a jubilation!” 

The Pale begins to recede dangerously around the entroponaut.

The fucking Pale recedes with talk of Communism! At first it might appear a little heavy handed (yeah, Communism, by itself, could save the world). But then I got into how Communism could be a solution to the antipathy and chronic nostalgia that sustain Capitalism, and then it hit me. Nilsen, a literal ghost from the past, is talking about a future that could have been. That he wanted to accomplish. That people, probably, can still achieve. The Pale is not eternal, it can be pushed back. Because the Pale seems to subsist on the past, it abhors any talk of the future. A better future. That’s how we solve things, and for a central thesis, is not bad at all.

With that being said, and because I’m just rambling here while pretending I’m working, there are also some things that I just didn’t understand, but maybe it was because of the translation. The original novel is written in a very poetic style, and some of that is still here, but I still need to untangle…

1. The Man. It is said that the day the Lund girls disappeared, they were joined by a mysterious Man that nobody seemed to remember correctly. A character even suspects that she was remembering wrong. Now, the Pale erases people and memories retroactively, so maybe it had something to do with it, but… Who was that? Is there any theory about that Man, or I just missed something? Some scenes and narrations were tough to parse for me (my primary language is not English).

2. Was Malin Lund pregnant? That flash with the fetus was sudden and weird.

3. What was the significance of the three meat piroshkis? They mention that it was unusual that the girls bought them (and if you do the math, you can realize early on that they were not planning to get back home. That purchase didn’t leave them enough money for the bus fare back), but that’s it. Were they for the Man? Also, the narration mentions that Lund girls’ picnic basket contained “the kind of things girls like to eat”, so maybe they were planning to see the boys and bring them the kind of things boys eat? I’m overthinking that? The chapter actually titled “Three Meat Piroshkis” just left me even more confused.

4. I don’t understand how Khan’s pen works at all. The one he brought to the school reunion. That was the part I re-read the most. Anyway, even with that, I loved Sacred and Terrible Air. Definitely one of the most enthralling reads I had, with or without the background of Disco Elysium. I’d still like an official translation that could potentially solve the issues I had, but for now, a Top 10 Book for me.

Go for it now.

[ssparksflyy]

my tears ricochet but its jason grace and his 'lover' that he cant be bothered to give attention to

"even on my worst day, did i deserve, babe all the hell you gave me? 'cause i loved you, i swear i loved you 'til my dying day" but its his lover knowing she wasnt perfect, but also knew she didnt deserve the way he treated her.

"i didn't have it in myself to go with grace and you're the hero flying around, saving face" but its his lover watching him be everybody else's hero and prioritizing people he hardly knew.

"and if i'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? cursing my name, wishing i stayed" but its his lover watching him at her funeral from elysium and seeing how pathetic he's acting, saying he misses her, as if he didnt once tell her in an argument she was the last thing on his mind at the time.

"you know i didn't want to have to haunt you but what a ghostly scene, you wear the same jewels that i gave you as you bury me" but it's the way he can't think of anything else but her, no matter how hard he tries, after she's gone. but it's the way that he had the audacity to wear the necklace he gave her when they started dating to the funeral.

"'cause when i'd fight, you used to tell me i was brave" but its their 'honeymoon phase' where he used to treat her as if she was the only person he'd ever care for.

"and i can go anywhere i want, anywhere i want, just not home" but it's the way he infiltrated her home that once adored her and made it all about him. the way camp half blood was once the only real home she ever knew, but now it wasn't. the way that jason once served as a home to her, only for a very short amount of time, but she was incapable of reaching that home as well.

"and you can aim for my heart, go for blood, but you would still miss me in your bones" but it's the way that he now realizes and regrets how much and badly he hurt her. the way she'll forever haunt him. the way he refuses to ever forgive himself and knows that apart of him died in shame that day.

"and i still talk to you (when i'm screaming at the sky)" but it's the way that when she was alive, his lover would beg all the gods for a way out. the way she wouldn't allow herself to leave but begged for the strength to continue fighting for his love that simply was no longer there.

"and when you can't sleep at night (you hear my stolen lullabies)" but its the way that jason can't stop replaying the one video he has of her singing by the campfire and the way he can't fall asleep without listening to it.

"you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same" but it's the way that jason could've saved her from dying, but chose to help another camper in need, thinking you'd just get hurt and would heal eventually. the way that decision is the reason why he can't get out of bed in the morning, the way that decision is what causes him to lose himself.

"you turned into your worst fears" but its the way that jason realizes that he's no better than his father, the man he hates most, for being so careless and heartless when it came to somebody who loved and adored him in a way nobody else could.

"look at how my tears ricochet" but it's jason grace and his lover who both lost themselves for each other, but at different times. one of those times, being far too late.

his lover died in battle against an invasion of monsters in the woods of camp half blood. jason saw her just minutes before she passed, knowing he couldve helped her, but instead decided to help the camper who was only a year younger than her and who's name he didnt know. he figured she'd be fine and accepted the fact she'd get hurt, but knew she would heal later. years later, he's still killing himself from within for being unable to answer the question, if he knew it all then, would he do it again?

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Eurylochus Reincarntes As Hadestown Orpheus Concept Au

Introduction

So I know nothing about Hadestown but thinking about the parallels between Eurylochus and Orpheus got me thinking about an au where after Thunderbringer, Persephone takes pity on Eurylochus feeling how anguished his soul is and decides to give him a second chance to ensure he isn't lost in the river styx forever. She also gives Eurylochus the gift of song and he reincarnates into Orpheus from Hadestown. So we in a sense get Jordan Fisher as Eurylochus lol. Also making it angstier I'm having the idea of playing with Ctimene being reincarnted as Eurdice meaning Eurylochus failed to keep Ctimene in his arms twice.

Yep I got so comfortable comparing Eurylochus and Orpheus parallels that I want to make them the same person. So Eurylochus gets to trade his giant ass sword for a guitar.

Basic concept is as Orpheus keeps returning to the Underworld he keeps bumping into people that knew him as Eurylochus on the way to Hadestown. He encounters Odysseus who helps him and warns that he should make sure his journey doesn't end up like it did the first time. Polites gives him advice on how to win over Persephone and Anticlea appears as a bodyguard protecting the now Hadestown. Worse Odysseus, Anticlea and Polites remember Orpheus but Orpheus has no memory of them. You could play with that concept and have Eurdice being confused and angry Odysseus tried to help Orpheus.

Orpheus ignores Odysseus's warnings as well as Hades and turns back. Odysseus looks after Eurdice and you can either have Ctimene apologising to Eurdice saying she loved the wrong man or Odysseus apologising for failing his sister again. Eurdice gets a promotion and Ody bargains that Hades will let Eurdice be a bodyguard until Orpheus passes on.

Eurylochus got a second chance but repeated all the same mistakes and let doubt creep in. He failed Ctimene by doubting Odysseus and this time fails Eurdice by ignoring Hades's warning.

Persephone reincarnted Eurylochus so he may get into Elysium but that doesn't mean his life is tragedy free. Orpheus/Eurylochus is always cursed to have his loved ones die and his luck run out. To make it up to Eurdice, Orpheus becomes a healer and travels around with his songs with the purpose of healing young souls and comforting souls on the verge of death.

So that's basically the au concept we are working with. I'm going to share Orpheus's Pov and then I'll share Odysseus's Pov.

Please be aware I'm dyslexic and this is not beta read.

A Returning Visitor

Orpheus's Pov

Orpheus followed Hermes instructions, kept his head down and tried to be unnoticeable. Unfortunately it seemed he didn't keep his head down as well as he thought as an odly familiar voice called his name.

"Eurylochus!"

That wasn't his name. It had never been his name. Yet still Orpheus paused. He turned to find a man roughly his height accept his clothes looked more old fashioned. The mans brown eyes haunted him and it scared him.

"I hope you find this Eurylochus eventually but I'm not him. I'm Orpheus." He said introducing himself.

"Odysseus of Ithaca." The man responded in return.

Something about that name left a flury of emotions in his mind. Love, hate, guilt, pain, joy and sadness. It confused him but he knew that at the moment Eurdice was his priority.

"Nice to meet you Odysseus, I don't suppose you could help me? I'm looking for someone."

"Who?" Odysseus asked.

"Eurdice. She's my everything and Hermes told me she ended up down here. I have to save her."

Odysseus's sympathetic face suprised him. Maybe Hermes was wrong, maybe not everything was out to get him.

"I can't come with you Orpheus but keep straight on the path without stopping and you'll find Lord Hades. Be warned though Lord Hades doesn't let souls go easily." Odysseus replied honestly.

"How do you know?" Orpheus asked.

"Cos I had to sacrifice an afterlife with Penelope in order to save my crew." He explained.

Disbelief. Again Orpheus didn't understand why the man was making him feel so many complicated things.

"I'll keep that in mind." Orpheus lied.

"Please do my friend. Don't let your luck run out." Odysseus pleaded sorrowfully.

Odysseus starred at him in a way that screamed familiarity. It confused Orpheus and worried him.

"Is something wrong?" He asked.

"No you just remind of someone." Odysseus explained.

"Who?"

"An old friend. You have his spirit, Eurylochus cared for his friends and family deeply as you do Eurdice. I let him down."

"Oh. I'm sorry." Orpheus apologised. He didn't understand why but knew it was the right thing to do.

"It's fine, it's in the past now but Eurdice isn't. What ever you do, promise me you won't give up or look back." Odysseus pleaded.

"I promise." Orpheus said.

He gave Odysseus one last look before returning on his walk through the Underworld. Odysseus's last words shook him though.

"And Orpheus." He said.

"Yeah."

"Don't forget how dangerous the God's are." Odysseus warned.

With that Orpheus continued to walk forward taking Odysseus's heart in mind. Unlike Odysseus he vowed that he wouldn't let Eurdice down.

Odysseus Pov

Odysseus's heart sunk when he saw him here again. It had to be him. Eurylochus, his old friend and brother that he had betrayed. He may now have thick black curly hair and a guitar in place of his sword but it was still him. Odysseus couldn't stop himself as he called out to him.

"Eurylochus!"

The man froze. It gave Odysseus hope but then the hope quickly died when he saw his friends confusion. Eurylochus was a new man now, a new man he didn't have to crane his neck to look up at. The mans gaze looked like a distant memory and it hurt him so much.

"I hope you find this Eurylochus eventually but I'm not him. I'm Orpheus." The new man replied introducing himself.

Orpheus! The named suited Eurylochus more then anything and it made Odysseus proud. Trying not to embass himself, he did his best to reintroduce himself to his friend.

"Odysseus Of Ithaca." Odysseus replied, reintroducing himself.

"Nice to meet you Odysseus, I don't suppose you could help me? I'm looking for someone." Orpheus said

Odysseus tried to supress a sigh at that. After all they'd once been through of course Orpheus would be here recklessly trailing The Underworld for someone.

"Who?" Odysseus asked.

"Eurdice. She's my everything and Hermes told me she ended up down here. I have to save her." Orpheus explained.

Odysseus stared at his friend sympathetically. He smiles thinking about his sister Ctimene, who would be proud Eury-Orpheus is willing to sacrifice everything for his love. He then thinks about Penelope who he sacrificed everything for and abandoned in the afterlife. His heart aches.

"I can't come with you Orpheus but keep straight ahead on the path without stopping and soon you'll find Lord Hades. Be warned though Lord Hades doesn't let souls go easily." Odysseus warned.

"How do you know?" Orpheus asked.

He knows if Orpheus still remembered everything, he would be speechless over what he was about to confess. Eurylochus had died thinking Odysseus did not care about him.

Conclusion

So I have so many other Epic Au concepts I wanted to share but this one was one I definitely wanted to show off. I promise if I fully flesh out this au I will listen to Hadestown and do my proper research. I am studying Ovids Metamorphosis but definitely Hadestown is on the list to check out.

Honestly I did not think comparing Eurylochus and Orpheus would send me down this hole but here we are. I now have two aus where a God just reincarnates Eurylochus right after he had a traumatic death.

My asks are open if you are interested in me further fleshing this concept. It's a concept for now as i want to see how you Winions and Hadestown fans react.

Until next time.

-Melody-

They/Them

[shini--chan]

May I request headcanons about Yandere Kaneki please?

Of course, here, have a character sheet. I got a bit carried away, since it has been so long since I wrote somthing for Tokyo Ghoul.

Yandere Character Sheet

Ken Kanaki 

Trigger warnings: implied/references murder, humans are eaten, imprisonment, emotional/psychological manipulation, delusional behaviour, references to depression and suicidal ideation

Attributes - What sort of Yandere is he/she?

One of the cornerstones of Ken's yandere tendencies would be his protective urges. Few people aside from him know how dangerous and wicked the world can be. A person doesn't have to be a particularly sadistic ghoul to revel in bloodshed after all. There are so many ways you could hurt yourself. 

In the beginning, he would be haunted by scenarios of all the ways harm could befall you. He would wake up from nightmares of you dying and feel his heart clench at the thought of you being wronged. Thought of how you could be harmed drives him half-insane with worry.

After his time with Agoiri Tree, these tendencies would only skyrocket. You are his Elysium, an island in a stormy sea, an oasis in the scorching desert. Do you really think he could let anything happen to you? What had once been an unbearable anxiety, uncomfortable like centipedes crawling under his skin, would morph into outright bloodlust. The harmful element would wind up as a blood splatter on the ground.

Of course, part of these protective urges would be based on how strong you are. If you're just a fragile doll, then Ken would want nothing more than to wrap you up in the finest silk and hide you away forever. If you have your own back bone of steel, then he would be relaxed enough to allow you more leeway and time outside. However, even if you are strong, even more powerful than him, then he would still feel protective over you. After all, even the most talented and effective people have weaknesses and openings, even they sometimes make stupid mistakes.

Aside from that, Ken is sweet and often very considerate. He takes note of your wishes and desires, even taking the effort to remember the little things - a book that you offhandedly mentioned that you wanted to read, how you like your coffee, the route you take to work in the morning. If you do, he doesn't even take physical notes, rather dedicating it all painstakingly to memory. That way, you would take a long time to catch onto the red flags, to how he seems a bit too dedicated, too desperate for it to be healthy. 

Yes, he would be desperate and dependent. At night, he tries to tell himself that he would be happy just by watching you from afar, by ensuring your safety while remaining just another face in the crowd. He is too broken to be with you after all. But it is exactly because he is broken that he can't stay away from you. You put him at ease - your mere presence is balm to his fractured psyche and thus he would only grow more dependent on you the longer he would be a ghoul. 

There would be days when he would practically be attached to you by the hip, for once ignoring all your protests and trying to drink in your presence as much as possible, as if you are some healing draught. Lie down with him, card your fingers through his hair and sooth over all his rough edges and your wish would be his command (of course, as long as it would be within reason). This is also one of the reasons why it would never be able to let you go - you’re his source of strength, the reason he clings to life instead of falling to his suicidal ideation. In a way, you’re what Rize (the figment of his imagination, that is)  is to him and everything that she can’t be - supportive, yet not as harsh and biting, present and not in his head. You are something more than just a representation of one of his facets.  

Though, there are still times when he is fractured, when even you aren't able to consolidate the parts of him. Then, he is rash and paranoid and so very restrictive. In some ways, he projects his mental state onto the outside world - when he is particularly fragile and conflicted, then he would see his world as endangered. When he is plagued with doubts, he second guesses your words and reads between the non-existent lines, constantly fearful that you are just putting up an act. 

Entwined with that, is the way he flips between delusional and lucid. Thanks to his rather mild temper and selfless nature, he probably will have developed a somewhat normal relationship with you before his yandere tendencies would really emerge. At times he recognises that what he is doing is unhealthy and even toxic and that all the hurtful words you hurtle at him are warranted. Then there are other times when he isn’t sure of his own identity, or how the world really works. As a coping mechanism, he turns to you and ignores any misgiving you have about your relationship. 

Kaneki is also very much obsessed with you. At night, he dreams about you and during the day he sees you in his inner eye. You come to mind when he imagines what true beauty is supposed to look like. Whenever his mind dares to wander, it wanders to you. His thoughts revolve around you to the point where he finds it difficult to think clearly, unless he is in a fight or you are close by. And having you in his arms is by far the more preferable option. 

Cornering - How would they get you?

Ken doesn’t kidnap you. Not unless he would see that as the only option to keeping you safe. Instead, he tries to approach as he would a friend. With some luck on his side, he is his co-worker or a classmate; that way, it is expected that the two of you interact with each other as it is. Even with his character development over the course of canon, he is still clunky and shy when it comes to you. Well, if things start out as a professional relationship where he is mature and kind and helpful. However, as soon as matters would get more personal, then he would find himself floundering. 

Perhaps you find his clumsiness when it comes to his emotions for you adorable, perhaps you first have to warm up to him (which he would manage to his helpfulness and persistence) but in the end, when you are together, he couldn’t be happier. It doesn’t have to be an official relationship either, it can just be you growing closer and closer, you not even being fully cognisant of the extent of your feelings, or of his for that matter. 

Either way, Ken Kaneki does his best to wrap you up in a normal relationship before the going gets rough. It isn’t really his intention when the nature of your relationship starts to change; it just happens. There is this constant itch under his skin, these constructs in his mind mocking him that he’ll end up losing you. Thus, he pulls you closer and closer, drawing up all the more rules that you have to follow. 

It would start with him being more prying than usual on where you are going and being all the more inquisitive on how your day went. Then it would transition to a tracker in your clothes or one your phone and locked doors at night. And it would end with you only being let out of the house with him as a chaperone or with a person that he particularly trusts.  

Expectations - What do they expect of you?

Ken doesn’t have that many expectations of you, since he has a rather wide pallet of people that would check his boxes. Nevertheless, there are a few things that he looks for in a person and a few things that are absolute no-gos for him. One of those things is a strong sense of justice. He wouldn’t be able to bear a person that is psychopathic and sees other people as cattle or ants to be trod upon. After experiencing so much suffering, as well as seeing so much suffering being inflicted upon others, he requires somebody that can look at the world with kind eyes and not want to hurt others out of some sense of twisted glee. If you are an idealist that somehow wants to turn the world into a better place, then he would be all the more interested in you. 

Tying into that, you better not be hedonistic. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to indulge in the few joys life has to offer, there is something off putting to him about a person that makes their life revolve around chasing pleasure and drowning in it. There is much more to life than a set of actions or experiences that make your brain release endorphins, and you not acknowledging that would just seem cowardly to him. He wouldn’t have anything against you being naive and sheltered - to him there is a difference to being that and willfully blind, or even sadistic. 

Be sweet with him. He doesn’t mind a tsundere, but having to deal with a cynic (even if he is one at times) would just wear him down. At times, he just wants to put his head in your lap and have you card your hands through his hair. Surprise him with preparing coffee for when he gets home, and even if he can’t really eat the cake you bake for him, he would appreciate the sentiment. Aside from that, I can see him falling for somebody working in medicine and if you know that he is a ghoul and maybe go out of your way to smuggle out a bag of blood for him, he would be over the moon. 

Besides that, he has a huge competence kink. There is just something about you being very good at something significant that warms him with pride and adoration. If you write, then he wants to read everything that you bring to paper, and lose himself in descriptions of other worlds. Good at singing and/or dancing? He has countless videos and audios on his phone. Should you dance with him, then you’ll have the privilege of seeing his cheeks flush deep red as you guide him through the motions. If you have a particular talent for something else that isn’t tied to entertainment, then he could spend hours listening to you talk about your field of expertise. He doesn’t even have to understand it to be enraptured, your passion and competence is more than enough to entice him. 

Faded - Would they let go of you in any way?

You could scream and shout your throat raw at him, he would just nod along and prepare some warm milk with honey for when you’re finished with your tirade. He does his best to act unaffected, though your words are the equivalent of rubbing powdered glass over his skin. If you would continue for long or hit particularly sensitive nerves he would break down and cry. But still he would never let you go, as he would tell you. Because don’t you see, none of this is for him, it is all for you! 

So no matter what you do, no matter how much what you say amplifies his self-hatred, he would keep you by his side. That being said, there are still two circumstances where he would let you go. 

The first is if he comes to the conclusion that you are safer away from him rather than by his side. This would be due to you being endangered by proxy to him. The last thing he would want would be for you to die in the crossfire in a fight with the CCG or another ghoul faction, or, heavens forbid, be targeted as a means to hurt him. 

The second would be him forgetting you. When Ken Kaneki becomes Haise Sasaki, he forgets you, at least when it comes to conscious memory. Though watch out! As soon as he would smell you or see you again, he would find himself drawn to you again. 

Punishment - How would they proceed if you do something they disapprove of?

On average, Ken isn't big on punishments. He sees himself as your protector and guardian, and what sort of protector would he be if he can't protect you from himself? Perhaps as the Centipede he would more deliberately punish you. Else, in his mind he only takes measures to protect you, and if they are harsh, then so be it. It is clear that you are too reckless and naive and optimistic so you need a minder that isn't reluctant to make tough choices. 

If you are too carefree and prone to venturing around, he'll imprison you in your shared apartment. Hanging out with people he doesn't approve of? Suddenly you are hearing stories of how they are terrible, good for nothing people. He'll lock away all the knives and anything you can hurt yourself with if you try to fight, and baby you if you self-harm. After trying to escape, he'll forbid you from watching TV or reading books, citing that your overactive imagination caused you to do something so foolhardy. 

Protest will seem to fall on deaf ears. Sometimes they will but other times they'll be carefully filed away so that he can lose sleep due to them. You are always on his mind, after all, the good as well as the bad. 

Reaction - How would they react to you escaping?

Panic, full blown panic. That is what he'll experience at first and the younger he is, the longer the panic attack will last. He'll dash around your shared living space, just hoping his panic is unwarrented and you just hid yourself away in one of your tantrums. His searching becomes more frantic and destructive the longer you remain undiscovered.

Eventually, he'll force himself to make a cup of coffee and sit down. Kaneki will do his best to piece together the various variables: When did you leave? What did you take with you? Which places are you most likely to run to? Are there any people from your past life that you still place a lot of trust in? 

He will try his best to put himself in your shoes in order to anticipate your past, current and future choices and thus successfully track you down. Depending on which phase of his life he is currently in, there will be differences.

The shy Ken Kaneki that he is in the beginning of canon handles it like a teenage boy looking for his crush or friend. Checking social media, asking around, quietly loitering around places where he thinks you'll pop up. The Centipede is far more violent and far more desperate to get you in his grasp again, therefore the police and the CCG will find a lot of corpses, courtesy of his quest to find you again. As Haise Sasaki, he has far more resources and is calmer. In that case, he can cook up an excuse to have you very officially hunted down and dragged before him. 

The end is always the same - him fussing over you like a mother hen, obsessively checking you for injuries and chiding you. After that incident, he’ll vow to keep a closer eye on you. You’ll be kept on an even shorter leash, with him being far stricter about rules and such in comparison to before your escape attempt. In his eyes, it came to you running away because he was far too lax with rules and vague about his intentions. 

Turnabout - Scenario: You have the upper hand? What would be different from their usual MO? 

Actually, not much world change, on the surface at least. In some ways, he wouldn’t mind you taking the steering wheel and allowing you to play the dominant partner in the relationship. If anything, being taken care of and having to relinquish control to you would be a new yet not unwelcome experience for him. At first, he would be worried and nagging, wanting to wriggle his way into being the one that takes care of you, the one that makes sacrifices yet he would slowly learn to enjoy taking the back seat. That is, of course, if the two of you would stick to being in a romantic relationship. However, don’t think he’ll allow you to get away. If anything, he might become so used to being taken care of, that he’ll not allow you to get rid of him. 

On the other hand, if you become his captor and he your captee, he would have a lot of mixed feelings. In many ways, he would understand your urges to harm him and restrict his movements. After all, he had wronged you and in retrospect, he would realise that he might have been too harsh and condescending. That would make him vow to learn from his mistakes and treat you with more dignity, should he manage to turn the tables again. Because even if you would harm him, he would still continuously forgive you, because you forgive the people that you hold dear, or not?

Vengeance - What would they do in the face of competition?

Ken is insecure as it is and having a rival would only make this worse. Though it wouldn't have the intended effect of making him back off, rather it would make him all the more determined. Though, depending on which stage he is currently in, there are vast differences on how he deals with rivals. 

As Ken Kaneki, the original, shy and timid Ken Kaneki, who has just become a ghoul or will soon become one, he’ll be much more shy. There is something all too tragic about the way he pines after you, in the manner a mediaeval knight would have pined after a lady of noble standing, a love that could never be mutual and fulfilled. Though, at times the depth of his passion will even spur him to action! It is surprising to everybody, even him and therefore he has a lot of plausible deniability in the case law enforcement comes knocking. It would sicken him to the core what he does to have you, and all the while he carries the heavy regrets in his heart, but it is all worth it as long as you are safe. Though, that is just when his emotions get the better of him, an absolute last resort. Else, he will try to convince you with shy words and texts in the middle of the night that your current paramour just isn’t compatible with you and that you deserve better. 

As The Centipede, he is far more ruthless. After all, he does know what is best for you at the end of the day. So when he determines that the man that is currently in a relationship with you, or is bringing you flowers and chocolates every other day in an attempt to woo you, is bad for you, then the unlucky fellow must go. If he is feeling particularly frustrated and just must get the point over to you, then he waits to kill the offender right in front of you. Of course, that is if he can’t talk to you about his issues with you. Else he expects you to know that his arms are the safest to be it, and for you to reject any advances. It just might be that the one or the other is particularly pesky and persistent and needs to be taken out. 

As Haise Sasaki, his plans are more complex. He has a reputation and a hell lot of resources to fall back on. As such, he tries the easy route first and foremost - talking to you. Of course, you might very well not be convinced by his word alone and then he’ll do some digging to drag the skeletons that certain person has in their closet forth. Maybe he’ll get other people to talk to you, to offhandedly mention and discuss the various flaws of his opponent with you. As much as he might want to kill his rival, he can’t make it too obvious. Perhaps that person will then be sandwiched between two warring parties and wind up as collateral damage, or be the victim of a violent crime in a far away city, or are found dead by a suicide hotspot. It takes much to get Haise to take his rival into a back alley or out into the country in order to make short work of them. 

In all scenarios he feels a twinge of guilt, but does his best to stamp it out with thoughts about you - your safety, your love, your happiness, you, you, you. 

Art is not mine: from Irina Vinnik and other artists

[mallorykeen]

that's season one over so here's my favourite pjo fics to fill the void with!!!

don't forget comments and kudos!!! and here's my pjo fic list if anyone is interested also

i've done my best to track down the blogs of the writers but i couldn't find all of them (if there are more) so please tell me if you know yk

>1k

bled into me

Ares has never forgiven anyone for stomping on his heart, but you think you’d let Silena Beauregard trample all over yours. (ruegard)

The Sebastian Figure

He never thought he'd end this way, in the airy throne room of Mount Olympus, with the sun shining and the birds singing and everyone standing in a crowd waiting for him to be executed. AU, post-TLO; Luke's POV.

A Family Resemblance

People can say that Percy really is Poseidon’s son considering how alike they are, but to him Percy will always be Sally’s son.

Children of the Sea

As he sank through the water, Percy grimaced, clutching at the wound in his abdomen that was spreading his blood through the water. There was far too much of it and the water wouldn't heal him in time he knew, but at least he would die in the peace of the water. He hoped that Hades would let him into Elysium after everything he had done as a hero.

1-5k

light blue nail polish (and blood-stained nails) by @tragedykery

first: Charles and Silena have a picnic. then: Silena after Charles' death.

would you mind my hand stitched onto yours

Clarisse meets Silena and struggles with her feelings.

So Eden Sank to Grief by @cauldronoflove

Clarisse had always wanted a chance - and wanting a chance seemed to mean that she wanted battle.

There's No Dying in Dodgeball

University dodgeball is a very serious sport. No, really.

ruegard university au

They Lied about Oxygen

It's like they're the polar ends of magnets.

rachabeth, and a lot of kissing

If I killed someone for you (Would you love me more?) by @izzymrdb

Luke succeeds in killing Percy with the Pit Scorpion, but now he deals with the physical spectre of his guilt haunting him. Driving him insane.

like diamonds in the sky

“Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson —eye to eye, so alive/we're beautiful like diamonds in the sky; zoë in greek, means life.

take me to your best friend's house

Katie Gardner tilts her head. “I feel like he’s always hiding something from us.” “That’s why his tail is so big,” Silena Beauregard says, nodding very solemnly. “It’s full of secrets.” Or: Camp Half-Blood and the Mortifying Ordeal of Playing Spoons.

can't gamble the future

“Wait,” Beckendorf says, confused. “What does Connor have over Percy?” Luke sinks back into his chair. “Well, where do I begin―” “Five drachmas he mentions that one time Annabeth hugged Connor,” Thalia mutters to Silena, tossing a few gilded coins onto the center of the table. “He never shuts up about it.” (CANON DIVERGENCE ― The senior counselors don’t bet on trivial matters like childish, puppy love romances. No. Not at all. Of course not.)

Sweeter Than Cherries

Sweeter than cherries, better than Flash Gordon, and being in love with your best friend is never easy. (percabeth)

a hero's fate by @katiegardner

“I have had many sons,” Poseidon said. “Perseus is my favourite. Do you understand this?” “Yes,” Annabeth said. “He will be a god.”

Greek God (Good God) by @izzymrdb

Percy turns down immortality again. And again. And again. The gods never stop asking.

Green Ribbon

After the war in The Last Olympian takes place there is a lot of loss to be dealt with (ruegard)

Hunger on Her Lips by @starforged

Silena comes to convince Clarisse to return with her, but it ends as she imagines it would. Takes place during The Last Olympian.

Her Armor by @disregardcanon

No one can escape their destiny. Fate is written. History rewrites itself, and no man can escape it. Neither can a woman.

death is the road to awe by @callunavulgari

The first time you meet Silena, you shove her head into the toilet. You laugh at her as she struggles and you don't even have your brothers with you this time, no need for backup. She's just another silly Aphrodite girl. When you finally let her up, she's bright red and heaving for breath, a wet lock of dark hair hanging loose against her forehead. The first thing she does is clock you in the face, teeth bared in an ugly snarl. It's a good punch, so you grin at her and punch back.

She Does

She says 'I don't want this' but she does, she does, she does. (ruegard)

stay close, hold steady

“I can’t have you take care of us forever.” Poseidon and the three times he associated the word ‘marriage’ with Sally.

Bittersweet, Irresistible, a Crawling Beast

Again love, the limb-loosener, rattles me bittersweet, irresistible, a crawling beast. -Sappho After exploding a volcano, Penny Jackson wakes up on an island with only one other inhabitant, and she leaves with a better understanding of herself and her relationship with her best friend.

empty hearts on fire

Luke Castellan knows, from the very beginning, that he is going to die.

Le Morte d'Arthur

[“I’m like the Greek King Arthur,” Percy says. The slur to his voice and the flush to his face make Poseidon wince. Percy smiles, vague and hazy. “King,” Percy repeats. “Of course, little king,” Poseidon says tenderly. He is weak enough to curve a hand around a cheek, framing wan features. Pale, bloodless skin leached of all vitality. The water laps at Poseidon’s legs. No waves dare to form as Poseidon cradles Percy in his arms. He does not want to let go.] Or, wherein, others begin to fill in the void of Percy Jackson.

Packed and Petrified by @art-in-the-sunlight

In the lightning thief, Percy Jackson defeats Medusa and then promptly sends her decapitated head to the greek gods. When the olympians got a package “best wishes percy jackson," Zeus probably said something along the lines of, "At last, my bolt! Finally, your son admits to steali-" and then gets turned to stone for like five seconds.

5-10k

popsicles by @chironshorseass

AU were everything’s the same except Percy was never born out of Sally Jackson’s womb. And now the camp never lets him forget it. Where do babies come from, anyway?

(part one of those cruel summers series which is just lovely percabeth stuff. go read all of it. now)

Winter

It is winter when Zoë Nightshade first comes to her. She is a young girl, -by looks at least- yet an old soul, dark eyes shining with wisdom, and Artemis immediately feels a sort of kinship towards her. She looks, lost, and dangerous, and yet despite that she is the most beautiful thing that Artemis has ever seen. And she loves her, she loves her, even if she doesn't know why yet. (part one of winter and everything after which is some amazing zartemis stuff)

Sand Dollar Child by @withay

There's far too much divinity in Percy Jackson. It oozes from him, to the point where he's sometimes mistaken for Poseidon. Percy doesn't know this yet. All he knows is that this nereid is asking to borrow five drachmas.

10-30k

The End of Days

Percy tries to adjust back to normal life. It turns out, sometimes the calm is louder than the storm.

road trippin' by @chironshorseass

California, here we come. grover, annabeth, and percy and their roadtrip to california

Three and a Half Stars

Food is terrible, decor tasteless, weekend shifts seem to correspond with the onset of natural disasters??? Serving staff is pretty great, though, overall 3.5/5 would probably go again p.s. is tipping sand dollars standard now or is the creepy, semi-regular customer just crazy? percy's a waiter. he meets some gods

Home Is Where You Hang Your Hammer

A collection of moments from Frederick Chase's point of view following the day his daughter Annabeth runs away from home.

i'm lucky i'm in love with my best friend

The one where Percy and Annabeth were best friends who fell in love, and everything is absolutely perfect as they make their way through the most important moments of their adult life. That is, until it's not. Percabeth one-shot, AU

Percy Jackson, son of Sally Jackson by @izzymrdb

But we needed the help of a clear-sighted mortal to lead us through the Labyrinth and there’s nobody else we knew of that would agree to. Other than my mom - Sally Jackson.

Of Storms and Bloodlines

When people thought of Poseidon they thought of the sea; Poseidon, Lord of the Seas, Commander of the Waves, the Stormbringer. Upon consideration they would add Earthshaker, for catastrophic events such as earthquakes were hard to forget. Few remembered, however, that Poseidon was also Lord of the Horses. Stormbringer and Earthshaker tended to squeeze that one out. Percy had been able to talk to horses for as long as he could remember. He liked to think he understood them. Although he's not entirely sure why the new stallion thinks he's its foal. Poseidon is not jealous that Percy thinks a horse makes a better father figure than himself. At all.

30-50k

the sun stands

Everything has a price and invulnerability is expensive. (percy, percabeth and chronic pain)

Trading Tomorrow by @loosingmoreletters (and Darkmagyk but I couldn't find the blog)

Percy Jackson arrives at Camp Half-Blood bruised and bleeding, with the knowledge that he's the son of a god and his mother is dead. His little display with the Minotaur has caught the attention of the camp. But he’s not sure it is good attention, yet. Only the Hermes Cabin's not-quite Co-counselor Theseus, ‘call me Theo,’ doesn't treat him like a fascinating zoo exhibit. Which would be a relief, except he looks exactly like Percy: same green eyes, same trouble making smile, same black hair. The only differences are the fact that Theo is six years older, covered in battle scars, and the black tattoo on his arm. A trident and the letters SPQR. Theo is eighteen, powerful, and unclaimed. And his resemblance to Percy could set a dangerous precedent.

Hold the hand of the god-child

Percy Jackson needs to die. Zeus knows that, and as his plan to kill him on Olympus is voted against, he finds another solution: there is a god after all, whose presence around his son Poseidon doesn’t suspect. Dionysus is ordered to kill Percy. He hides him instead, and everything changes.

50k+

The Marble King

Constantinople, 1453 After the fall of an empire, Perseus, son of Poseidon, and Annabeth Fredriksdotter, daughter of Athena, must put aside old rivalries if they are to survive in this strange new world. Medieval/Renaissance AU.

apistéō

Percy was 12 when she was told she was a demigod. It happened on her last day of 6th grade after a very boring and very ordinary year, so maybe that’s why she sees her divine family members as the true monsters of the world.

Oh Yeah, No, I Totally Forgot

Amphitrite really had only gone to that particular beach to see if there was something special about it. To see if the surf was softer, the wildlife nicer, if the nymphs were maybe prettier. She needed to see if there was a reason Poseidon went there so often. But the stretch of sand she’d come to was truly pitiful, it wasn’t anything special or different, it was in fact boringly empty. Or it was meant to be empty. A small child stared up at her with big green eyes, a mop of dark curly hair, and an armful of various colorful buckets and a tiny shovel. Oh.

[scribblemakes]

I really love your Disconauts AU however, ever since I've gotten into it I've been haunted by the concept of Harry helping Kim out with learning some of his psychic powers and they're trying to learn/relearn clairvoyance using each other as practice and for a split second Kim catches the sight of the halo behind his own head from Harry's point of view.

I was very torn between him being scared of the devotion and pedestal-placement OR mr Respect Me I'm A Competitive Authority Figure liking it at least a little, so I went with the option that lets me make him blush a bit of course. Also a little bonus:

ALT in images, long text-only ID below the cut:

[ID: Seven panels of a comic about Kim and Harry from Disco Elysium done in a Psychonauts art style. The comic is done as a collection of coloured sketches.

The first panel shows Harry laying on the ground in front of Kim, who's sitting on a couch. Both of them are missing their jackets and are in their shirts and pants only. The dialogue reads: Kim: "So, we've tried levitation-" Harry: "Both got it." Kim: "Telekinesis-" Harry: "You're better." Kim: "Invisibility-" Harry: "I-" Kim: "Detective." Harry: "Barely, but you've got to admit I've got great marksmanship."

The second panel shows a close up of Kim's face and the wall behind him. Kim looks unimpressed, saying "Sure", while a burn mark on the wall is visible behind him. He also says: "Only one we haven't tried is clairvoyance."

The third panel returns to the first angle, with Harry on the ground, as Harry scratches his beard. The dialogue reads: Harry: "What's that one?" Kim: "It's the ability to see through a person's eyes (or a camera)"

The fourth panel shows Harry sitting up with an excited expression. The dialogue reads: Harry: "You can do that?! Kim we've got to try it!" Kim: "I don't know detective... It can reveal private thoughts."

The fifth panel changes to show Kim as he sits on the couch, over the shoulder of Harry. The dialogue reads: Harry: "You can try it on me! I tell you all my thoughts anyway." Kim: "Fine, fine. Just once, alright?" Harry: "Mhm!"

The sixth panel shows Kim using a psychic power on Harry, his appearance changing to show what Harry perceives him as. The only changes are that a Halo appears behind his head, he's in his usual plain-clothes work outfit, and he's smiling. The dialogue reads: Kim: "Khm. I'm not sure I'm doing it right." Harry: "Yeah?" Kim: "The only differences are that I'm smiling and wearing my jacket. I also have a hal-"

The seventh panel shows Kim dropping the clairvoyance and returning to his previous appearance. His glasses are completely white to hide his eyes and his ears are red. The dialogue reads: Kim: "I think that's enough for today." Harry: "Aw, okay."

The bonus panel shows the electrochemistry archetype looking up at Kim while he looks down at it with a curious expression. He then uses clairvoyance on it and looks surprised, but his appearance (as EC sees him) isn't shown.

/End ID]

[pale-opal]

I’m so sorry to spam epic x Mmx Stuff But again if you think about Anither song (So many songs I swear) It’s that…Just a Man Fits him so well…

Okay i vanish 💥

There's no need to apologize! I don't think you're spamming at all! And I took a look at the lyrics, and I completely agree! There's so much to say about these lines alone:

"Will these actions haunt my days? Every man I've slain Is the price I pay, endless pain Close your eyes And spare yourself the view How could I hurt you?"

X was not built for fighting. He was meant to bring peace, and he spent the first thirty years of his stasis undergoing ethics testing to ensure that. But at the same time, he also knows he can't sit by and do nothing whenever someone threatens the innocent or someone he cares about. He has to fight. And sometimes, he has to kill. But having to do something doesn't necessarily mean you like it.

Not only that, but "Close your eyes/And spare yourself the view" could be him talking to a younger Hunter he has to mentor - or heck, let's just be blunt and say Axl. He didn't want Axl to become a Hunter at the end of X7 because he didn't want him to have to do the same things he and Zero did. He didn't want him to have to kill to find his place in the world. He already had to take out Red and his former friends to be allowed to exist as himself - X was probably trying to spare him from anymore trauma (I know that his dialogue in X7 implies something more cynical, specifically that he was against the idea of Axl fighting anymore completely, and that X himself only came back to the Hunters out of obligation, but if I go too far into that I'll end up going on a rant).

"How could I hurt you?" Might fit a scenario where he has to fight someone who was innocent before being infected with the Maverick Virus, or the fight he has with Zero towards the end of X5 (specifically in the route where Zero's gone maverick). X knows that the person he has to harm doesn't truly want this. But he has no choice but to hurt them - if he doesn't, then they could attack other innocent people. And nobody wants that.

"I'm just a man Who's fighting for his life"

This part really shows off one of the more simple reasons for why X does what he does: self-defense. X may not like fighting, but he isn't the type lie there and get killed by some random dude in the name of being a pacifist. He has dreams and ambitions just like everybody else. And he can't achieve any of them if he's dead. Not only that, but if he dies, who will protect his loved ones? Sure, they can fight for themselves. But part of X's logic behind Elysium + the original vision for Neo-Arcadia was to create a world where they wouldn't have to. Why would he let those close to him risk their lives to protect themselves when he could make it so that they wouldn't have to by fighting to live another day?

"But when does a comet become a meteor? When does a candle become a blaze? When does a man become a monster?

When does a ripple become a tidal wave? When does the reason become the blame? When does a man become a monster?"

That last question is probably one X would ask himself a lot. He'd definitely wonder about if or when he crosses the line whenever he has to deal with a maverick. And maybe one day, he determines that the answer is "Yes. I've gone too far." Or maybe he even thinks "I'm just as bad as my enemies are." What if that was the reason he temporarily quit the Hunters? Or perhaps questioning himself so much + having to do something he hated for so long tired him out. Or it could have been a mix of all of that (instead of him seemingly waking up one day and deciding to call it quits, leaving his homies and some random child his bestie found in the street one day to pick up the slack).

"Forgive me" is definitely a line X would use. Guilt would absolutely be something he struggled with as a Hunter, and even more so as a cyber elf. His efforts to protect everyone failed, and now he can't do anything for them directly. All he can do is advise others and hope that Zero, one of the people he was fighting for, can do what he can't. That would be a lot of burden for anyone to carry. Combine that with how he had to watch countless others die in the time leading up to this, many of which were no doubt people he knew personally, and that burden would only double. How he manages to deal with it is anyone's guess. He might have gotten used to it, after a while.

Also, if you don't mind me talking about your Legends Reborn/To be Legendary AU: I think this song fits your version of X almost perfectly. It could totally be seen as his rationale for why he doesn't want to risk Volnutt following in his footsteps by becoming a digger. Take the very first verse for instance:

"I look into your eyes and I Think back to the son of mine You're as old as he was When I left for war"

Replace "son" with anybody X left behind to become the leader of Neo Arcadia or to fight in the Elf Wars (Axl might work here again - he was around Volnutt's age when he became a Hunter...), and then everything comes together. Volnutt is innocent, just like the people X wanted to keep safe. He's a kid with his whole life ahead of him. Why should he put his future in danger when he could do something that wouldn't require him to put his life on the line? And besides - X knows all too well where a working a job based in violence would lead. But since when has destiny cared about the feelings of a parent?

[ishouldgetadiary]

there are definitely cleverer people to discuss this at length than me and there are probably people who already have and come to the same or better conclusions, but i do just want to say that an aspect of kim kitsuragi i can't get over is his disconnect from being seolite (outside of the racism). i don't know, it's very important to have asian characters with strong cultural ties who have that culture accurately expressed through their character/stories and i do love those characters, but it's somewhat rarer to see the alternative (at least, when race and culture is acknowledged at all), let alone it being a point of pride for them, the same way it is for kim. all of this to say, i feel haunted by what he says when you ask him about his heritage.

i didnt ask him about it on my first run (because i found the way the question is initially asked to be kinda rude and i was afraid of if it'd make him like me less, lol) but i did in my current replay and the way he dances around the topic, 'i'm half seolite, well technically, my parents were both quarter, i guess you could also say im quarter, i don't know the language or culture and i've only lived in revachol', it fucks me up so bad! first is how you can tell it's mostly a defensive tactic for him, at least when he starts the rant— somebody asks about the race thing? deflect. i'm only half. i don't even know the language. i'm not one of those seolites. second is how he loosens into pride when he realises/remembers that harry isn't asking to be racist, he is genuinely having trouble remembering that the concept of race exists, but also because it lets kim kinda show that it is something to be prideful about in revachol.

dont get me wrong— i think kim kitsuragi is genuinely proud of being as revacholian as anyone else. he loves revachol. i dont think he’d go along with harry so easily on random side quests or have opinions on if harry helps or hinders the people of martinaise if he actually didnt care. i dont even know he’d still be a cop or (more accurately) be one for as long as he has been, especially when he’s spent most of it as a juvie officer, if he didnt believe in revachol. it’s people, what it is, and what the country could be. people like to take his position as a police officer as just his way of feeling a sense of power in a post revolutionary (khm. and racist) world that has never had the space for him or his dreams, but kim is more three dimensional than that. ESPECIALLY when there are ways that being a cop gives him less power than regular citizens in revachol. he likes, wants, and believes in both, and that’s not necessarily hypocritical. in the same way, i dont think it’s at all hypocritical that his pride is rooted in both his love for revachol AND the way white supremacy has impacted him. because yk, when he’s proud about his lack of connection to his heritage, it’s not just his love for revachol speaking, it’s also the disdain that we, the player, hear for seolite people (at least what we hear from or related to kim).

that all being said, i dont consider that to be a terribly complex thought at all— real life people are complicated and multifaceted, so kim kitsuragi is written to also be complicated and multifaceted. in disco elysium, the writers are never worried about presenting the world in a better or worse way than it already is. yes, it is definitely a heightened version of our reality, but it also presents everything as direct as possible. case example would be the racist lorry driver in what he says versus how he’s presented. in that very first interaction when kim confronts him and harry catches up on what just happened, he denies and hides in the same way a lot of people deny and hide that they are being racist, but you, the player, cannot avoid or pretend he isnt being racist, because it is literally in his name. you are not given the grace of real life where there is the option of either the benefit of the doubt or genuinely questioning your own assessment. despite all of that, ultimately, it is still haunting for that early kim question to be so reminiscent of what i see in real life.

in the example of a shorter ramble, kim's own ramble weirdly reminds me of myself, but in the opposite direction. i very easily and quickly tumble into word vomit and over-detail my heritage just to make it make sense that my name isnt white. and i'm not gonna boohoo over my own personal situation at all when i know i benefit from white supremacy, but i hate that ultimately, white supremacy ‘won’ when it comes to 'me'. because just like kim kitsuragi, i don't know a language that isn't english, i dont know a different culture, and i've only lived in my predominantly white country.

but a more apt comparison is my own father. a man who’s internalised shame cant even allow him to comprehend why somebody white would want a tan, because he’s always been at least a little tan, and that’s part of what ‘clocks’ him as not fully white, who does try to connect with his mother’s culture, but just kind of ended up with only odd bits and pieces of it and the language, because it was something that would’ve just made life harder than it should be, and despite everything, he’ll still do things like dunk on chinese people. there may be more to say, but you get the gist. and yet somehow none of it has quite reaches the point where he can recognise it in himself. because he knows racism and white supremacy is bad and he’s obviously against it, but it is hard to acknowledge that it is greater than just the lorry drivers and measureheads of the world. because we live with the consequences and the rot of white supremacy within us. assimilation has done it's job to it's logical conclusion.

… and yet it is a limbo, and a hollow one at that. regardless of how white i am, i still dont fully relate to my fully white peers, because there are ways in which i dont share in their accepted shared experiences. my father has never felt accepted in either club, ‘too japanese for white australians and too australian for japanese people’ (can you believe that disco elysium was almost banned from my country)! our fully white peers will never know what it’s like to be able to look at the face of a complete stranger of a different race and see family. to see their aunts, or grandparents, or parents.

but kim kitsuragi talks of that limbo with pride. he may never feel a true sense of community with either white people or other seolites, and this is something his brain seems to choose not to fully acknowledge, even though he definitely feels it. and really, it’s haunting in the same way i find both my father’s and my involvement in society disconcerting. the truth that, in spite of where white supremacy and assimilation can get you, you will never truly achieve the community or peace of mind there is in ignorance.

despite all that, on a brighter note, i do think that in terms of what kim truly likes harry for and what gains his trust in him is the choice for harry to be that sense of community he needs. (if i am remembering right) kim will only really trust you if you chose to defend him from the several racists you’ll encounter and make jokes at their expense with him, because it’s highly HIGHLY unlikely that barely anybody goes through that effort for him. even when it’s pretty clear that the writers were going for humorous ‘haha, white guy trying his best to be an ally’ dialogue choices, kim himself doesnt really show that he finds it obnoxious or unwanted, it’s genuinely something he would rarely get other rcm members even though that is the community he’s definitely and wholly part of.

anyways i have no idea if this post made any sense or if im really wrong (i could be!) because it came from a more personal place than maybe typical character analysis but whatever

[smallraindrops-blog]

Phobetor being the largest in the family a n d being a copy and paste of Y/N got me fucked up.

Imagine like, Theseus, seeing who he thinks is Y/N in the distance and marching up to demand a battle since his Father keeps rejecting him. However, the closer the he get the bigger Y/N gets, yes he tall but not that tall, and he's never seen Y/N in so much black, and oh god, that's not Y/N. That's his spooky ass son Phobetor staring straight at him.

Theseus probably complained to Zagreaus during their next battle about how the Nightmare Fiend tricked him and how he plans on getting back at the Godling for scaring him. (Phobetor is confused as to why Theseus wants to fight, lasttime he was in Elysium, he was visiting his grandfathers.)

Omg anon, ‘spooky ass son’ got me rolling on the floor. 😂 😂 Unfortunately for Phobetor, this kinda thing happens to him a lot. I hc that he and Odysseus meet at some point and it went like this:

Odysseus (visibly pale but trying to keep his cool): good gods, I thought Y/N got bigger. My lad, what the hell did your parents feed you?

Phobetor: …Food?

Odysseus: yeah that would do it, huh?

Here u go have a fun little short. I hope you guys like teenage Phobetor. I place him at the mental age of 16/17 here.

~

Elysium was beautiful as always, the fields were quiet and peaceful with the gentle rustle of grass. The river lethe drifted on, the mist trailing over the rocks. It was one of Phobetor’s favorite places.

if he was a mere shade, he certainly wouldn’t mind settling in here. 

He shifted the box of goods in his arms, all gifts for his grandparents. Dad had given it to Phobetor before shooing him out of the home, lecturing how he needed to visit his grandparents more.

With a grimace, Phobetor did have to admit it had been a while. His duties had increased and time had slipped away from him. 

Maybe he should offer to treat them to lunch, he mused as he went down the beaten path. Phobetor won’t be able to join since every time he had gone to the marketplace he caused a panic merely by walking in. 

He winced at the memory of making a sweet old lady pass out when he picked up her dropped bag of food for her. He still felt bad about that one even though his family had assured him it wasn’t his fault.

It was so faint he wasn’t sure if he actually heard anything, then it came again. it was his father’s name and Phobetor sighed when he realized what was happening. He twisted around, spying a blonde shade in the far distance. 

The man was very loud, his voice carrying over Elysium.

Whoever this was, he was not the first nor would he be the last to mistake Phobetor for his Father. There had been an unpleasant run in with Lord Ares when the new war began.  

“ -you coward!” The shade called out, getting Phobetor’s attention once more, lifting his beefy arms as he gestured wildly, still ranting. Phobetor kept his eyes locked on the man as he vanished the box away. It wouldn’t do for the gifts to get damaged.

Lost valor, impotent, heights.

The sensations, the weight of the shade’s fear bloomed on his tongue like fine wine. None of the fears were unusual but his mouth watered at the taste anyway. Darkness shifted around his chest, little sharp claws digging into his stomach, pleading for a meal. 

Phobetor ignored it. This wasn’t the time or place.

“You own another battle and as the champion of Elysium-“

Champion?

It clicked suddenly. This must be Theseus.

Phobetor glanced past Theseus, hoping for a glimpse of the infamous Minotaur that haunted countless mortals’ dreams and huffed when he realized it just was the shade.

Theseus stopped, staring at Phobetor with narrowed eyes. Phobetor met Theseus’ stare, keeping his own expression polite. Then Theseus’ blue eyes widened. He didn’t move nor did Phobetor for a long moment.

Phobetor decided he had no choice but to meet Theseus part way, anything else would be rude of him. He vanished for a moment then reappeared right in front of the Champion of Elysium, looming over him.

Before he could greet the shade, Theseus stumbled back, his skin gone a pale gray. Without missing a beat, the shade promptly turned around and took off.

“Ah.” Phobetor realized that he might have gotten too close to the shade. Personal bubbles and all that. Phobetor watched in mild amusement for a moment then cupped a hand around his mouth.

”I shall inform my father you wish to battle him, Great Champion of Elysium,” His voice echoed ominously over the landscape. A few nearby pink butterflies froze in the air before dropping dead, vanishing in a burst of pale light.

“Oops.” Phobetor muttered with a guilty glance toward the burnt grass, summoning the box once more. He resumed his walk, humming Morpheus’ newest song to himself.

He hoped Grandpa and Grandfather had some treats for him. Maybe some hard honey.

~~

“Looks like his highness found us.” Father commented, holding up his hand as a sign to pause their fight. Phobetor rocked on his feet, watching as the prince of the underworld ran up toward them.

Out of all of his uncles and aunts, Zagreus was Phobetor’s favorite. 

He never seemed to mind him or the fear and panic he caused. One time, when the family was staying at the House of Hades and he was very small, Uncle Zagreus had taken him on an escape run.

Although Zagreus did get chewed out by Phobetor’s parents afterward when Zagreus died and left Phobetor alone. 

Uncle Zagreus was grinning when he made it over, his sword on his shoulder. “You should be aware that Theseus got his eye on you.”

”Me?” Phobetor blinked, pointing at himself. Father lifted an eyebrow, quietly waiting for Zagreus to explain.

”Yup. He kept calling you The Nightmare Fiend and blaming me for some reason.” Zagreus laughed, slapping Phobetor on his back. “Good job!”

”Why me? I was just visiting Grandpa and Grandfather.” Phobetor glanced at his Father who merely shrugged.

”Who knows with that fool.” Father grumbled. “Just ignored him. That's what your Grandfather and I do.”

”Or you could fight him, I would pay good money for that. Tell the others I said ‘hi’. ” Zagreus said before he took off.

Phobetor mused over it, thinking about how Theseus had run for his life during their first meeting and decided it would be unkind to scare the poor thing like that again. 

[ripeteeth]

Writing Patterns

Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there’s a pattern! Tagged by @perverse-idyll, thanks for tagging me! This is really interesting, especially as I’ve been playing with my writing style and changing it up lately.

1. “A long cloak of night has fallen across the bed.” [Milk Teeth, MDZS, Jiang Yanli/Jiang Cheng. If I’m ENTIRELY honest, this is an inside joke with myself, as an old livejournal friend once described Snape by saying “pick up your long cloak of darkness and get to therapy”, which is a statement I think describes Jiang Cheng quite well.

2. “The trouble with stories is that they don’t always line up quite right.” [Over My Dead Body, MDZS, Wangxian, WIP. I like to bullshit about storytelling and story structure. There’s something fascinating about the interplay of author and reader, and of reminding the reader that they are sitting down to a story. There’s a special charm when the author editorializes and goes off on tangents - such as Victor Hugo in Les Mis - and while I am no Victor Hugo, it IS extremely fun to do.]

3. “‘Please,’ you say, and he likes it when you say it.” [empty, save you and i, Good Omens, Aziraphale/Crowley. I just love the cadence of this and the way it establishes the close, confessional second person POV.]

4. “Naked, wrapped in silk, and turned away on his side.” [say it like you mean it (with your fists for once), Kinnporsche, Gun/Vegas. Does the lyric “why is the bedroom so cold / you’ve turned away on your side” from Joy Division’s Love Will Tear Us Apart haunt you like it does me? I like how this established the feeling of isolation and loneliness.]

5. “This is how it goes.” [Zoetrope, MDZS, songxuexiao. Again with the storytelling.]

6. “The day he meets them is a red-sky day.” [blood, bones, and butter, MDZS, songxuexiao. Red sky at warning, sailors take warning! How else should you introduce my babygirl Xue Yang? I’m realizing a lot of my lines have tucked-in references, allusions, and inside jokes with myself.]

7. “Spring is pale in Revachol.” [Revachol Calling, Disco Elysium, Harry/Kim, WIP. Honestly, I don’t like this line and if I ever rewrite it, I hope to have something that fits better. This doesn’t grab in the way a DE fic should grab the reader. God, this WIP haunts me. Someday I WILL finish it, but it’s been three years since I’ve played the game and I absolutely need to play it again to get a feel for the voices.]

8. “The walk home is lonely.” [long slow love song, TGCF, fengqing, WIP. I really like short first sentences, huh? I suppose this is just brief scene-setting. Mu Qing seems like a guy who takes a lot to open up, so a short opening line suits him.]

9. “He wonders how he’ll die.” [impact, Beyond Evil, lee dongsik/han juwon. I’m proud of this one. I feel like this sets the tone and grabs attention. It’s just a short fic inspired by J.G. Ballard’s Crash, so I can’t think of a better way to begin.]

10. “When Kinn had been a boy, he’d had an old tomcat that liked to sleep in his bed.” [shotgunning, Kinnporsche, vegas/kinn/porsche, WIP. Introduces this as a Kinn character piece.]

Bonus from unposted Frankensmut: “One should not travel these woods alone; the Wild Hunt is strong here, and all are prey.” [Introduction to Natural Philosophy, Frankenstein, The Creature/Victor Frankenstein, WIP. An opening line that promises you that the hunter WILL get his prey. I promise you this.]

What I’m really learning here is that 1. I need to work on finishing my goddamn wips, and 2. wow I really rely on passive voice to open. Huh. Are there any other patterns? Maybe some authorial direction to remind the reader of the story structure. I’ve also got a bit of a penchant for short opening sentences followed by paragraphs that either elaborate on it or negate it, usually heavier in length and description as a counterbalance. Like adding acid to balance fat or sugar. Truthfully, I’ve kinda grown bored with my typical writing style, which is partly why I haven’t posted much fic lately. Art is all about pushing yourself and trying new things and innovating. I’m dead sick of writing present-tense third person limited and am vibing with first and second-person POV, which aren’t fan favorites for fic. I’d also LOVE to try something much more zoomed out, like omniscient third-person.

This was fun! Tagging @brawlite-archive, @iodhadh, @jaggededges123, @rcmclachlan, @weatheredlaw, and @darcylindbergh if you’re vibing, and anyone else who’s interested!

[voidwritesstuff]

Long Way To The Truth

Cw:alcohol,discussions of therapy and grief.

Summary: Lucas finally reaches Washington and settled into Milton-Haven.

♡Chapter 8: Washington.

A/n: FINALLY DONE. Enjoy.

Soon he leaves the grand beaver state of Oregon, though its mountains and forest lines accompany him, hes greeted with small homes and rudementary brick Bridges.

Above him its a cool summer morning, a few clouds dappled here and there under the blue Sky. He taps his fingers on the steeringwheel just taking the Farmland in, and hes reminded of that cabin Rosemary had mentioned.

Lucas easily saw himself as a park ranger,he had grown up in Florida, explored the forests and knew how to survive in the wild. He hopes nobody has taken the job up until now, He'd be genuinely sad about it if so.

He lowers the sun visor,eyes catching sight of the picture hes got of him and Wheeler--Hey bud,see me as a park ranger?--He asked,mostly to humor himself while on the road.

And it makes him chuckle. "Yep,lost it" he thinks with a grin, just playing along to his boredom.

Eventually he does make it to Milton-Haven, the large entrance of almost this Greek looking style with two statues holding up this large wooden sign with faded colors.

The statues are of two greek gods,one is Morpheus god of dreams, and the other one is Psyche goddess of the soul.

His eyes quickly reads the wooden sign, "Welcome to Milton-Haven, The place that Will forever live in your mind" the faded pastel magentas, purples And blues swirl together in this oil spill pattern, beautiful but oddly...forboding.

People dont pay attention to his van as he drives into the town proper. Lucas feel relief wash over him, finally he had made it.

《It doesn't hurt me (yeah, yeah, yo)

Do you wanna feel how it feels? (Yeah, yeah, yo)

Do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? (Yeah, yeah, yo)

Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making? (Yeah, yeah, yo)》the radio plays, and he simply humms along. He loves this song.

He asks for directions to Elysium park and is quickly directed towards it. He drives over some Train tracks as he enters the greenery filled place, how does this small town have a train? For what purposes? Do they export something?

Or are they receiving something?

The van is left to be Parked outside the entrance of the place, before him is a large sign that reads "Elysium State Park". Its oddly charming,especially now that midday is coming up.

His eyes dont pay attention to the phone booth there either, he always saw them as very....ominous? Anyone could call one of them up and whoever picks it up could be subjected to one weird phonecall.

Lucas would rather not leave the van alone,but he cant drive into the park. So,he grabs his walkman and one of his mixtapes to listen as he walks, better to Keep his mind distracted.

And as he walks into the park, he simply takes the forest in,the crisp air and walks in silence. Few people at that hour of the day,at least for now

《You

It's you and me

And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

Be runnin' up that road

Be runnin' up that hill

Be runnin' up that building

Say, if I only could, oh》

He walks down the beaten path,dirt crunching underneath his boot. His body feels...somewhat light, relieved.

Finally,he had arrived to the place that has been haunting him. He can let go of some the worry,of the guilty.

"I'm already here,Al' just you wait" he thinks before Spotting a big map of the park. Just what he needed,perfect.

Summer breeze blows past him,hair and his green flannel blowing in the wind. The sunlight is warm against his tan skin, he checks the route and finds a visitors center.

--Hell yeah-- He mutters with a smile, and hey look-! The ranger cabin is right on the way to the center.

Off he goes then, feeling like a Man on a mission.

As he walks,the people around him dont pay much attention to him. Its good to not feel so exposed,he blends in and allows himself to just fully admire the forest.

Sunlight spills its light past the boughs of the trees,the leaves move,Sway and fall with the gentle summer wind that caresses them and runs past the branches Freely.

People sit under the shade, eating their lunch and talking. Birds fly over him, looking for food to snatch- Hes sure he saw a pigeon steal a piece of bread from a nearby picnic basket.

It reminds him of home a little, he was a big Outdoors person-Him and his family would go out Hunting. He wonders if Milton-Haven gets deer and other hunting game, perhaps he can go out to hunt sometime soon. That would be fun,and he could practice his aim.

He walks past the broken down ranger cabin,chunks of the roof are missing,some of the wood is old and rotten,some Windows broken by teenagers probably.

Theres an odd carving on one of the walls. 《J&L were here》. Yep,this Is the work of teenagers-And poorly maintained infraestructure.

--Charlie Foxtrot--He mutters under his breath,that house was a clusterfuck indeed.

Eventually he makes it to the visitor's center. Its a large Wood and brick estructure, designed to look like a cozy cabin. The large Windows, the earthy colors- He gets that feeling of nostalgic 60s architecture and 90s modernism.

He steps in and stops the tape in the walkman,he takes off his headphones and goes to the main desk.

Before him a woman,short red hair,deep brown eyes with freckles. --'scuse me?

The woman looks up at him, eyes tired but welcoming--Hello, what can I help you with?

Okay,now hes got to talk. Not good at that one...

--Came- came here for the ranger job- I- I saw a broken down cabin on the uh...way here?--He stutters,not sure what to say or how to say it. Its not exactly a job interview...

She nodds and smiles a little,trying to reassure him--Ah yes! The groundskeeper job right? Ill go get Miss Witherspon,she works at the parks department, you see? She can help out

So off the girl leaves,he doesnt know her name or how Long itll take her. Perfect,now to stand there awkwardly until something happens.

He sits at one of the nearby Chairs,fidgeting with his dogtags and just....existing mostly. As much as he liked the great outdoors,places Like this kind of throw him off.

Luckily theres not Many people around to judge him or stare at him,which hes thankfull for because he wouldnt know how to handle it.

When the girl returns,Lucas is met with whom she guessed is Miss Witherspoon. He sees a black woman, eyes a dark grey with her brown hair in Jheri Curls,held Back with a black headband, she wears a comfy suit of a deep blue.

--This Man is here for the groundskeeper job--The girl that manned the desk said,gesturing at the ex soldier.

--Lucas Cole--He extended his hand and Miss Witherspoon shook it.

--Sally Witherspoon, nice to make your acquaintance-- The black woman answered with a polite smile-- Can I ask what interests you about the job?

Hes good at lying through his teeth, so he shrugs and gives her a coy smile.--well I like the great outdoors,the greenery- And judging by the state of the Cabin back there...it needs some love--He makes a pause--A lot.

The woman infront of him snickers--Hah,it does--She agreed-- We've been needing a groundskeeper for a while- You have experience with that kinda job?

Lucas nodds, seeing the red haired girl return the the main desk. --Yes,actually--He replied,sounding all friendly-- Im originally from Florida you see? My family used to go out hunting,camping, ive grown around forests. And im a veteran so I know a thing or two about security--He jingles his dogtags.

Sally looks impressed--Well, I mean if you can fix up that old cabin then the Jobs all yours

He blinks a little confused--That easy?

The woman scoffs--we're in need of a groundskeeper,and that cabin is an eye sore,so yes.

--Well,perfect. Ill take you up on that offer--He replied,not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

--Great,I'll talk with my sueperiors and get the materials needed. You're just going to have to..

--Do the hard work?--She nodds a little sheepish-- hah,dont worry ma'am im quite used to it

After that she hands him the number of the parks department for him to call if hes got questions. And off he goes back to his van, figuring he ought to explore the town a little better.

Though first,he better get something to eat. So,he stops at the parks dinner for some lunch-He digs the rustic vibes of the place. His ordee is taken by an older woman around his age, the tag on her shirt reads "Olive".

Milton-Haven is quite small town like-He realized as he Walked around the place post lunch. Theres safety in numbers and hes happy to blend in with the people around him, jusr admiring the simple quaintness of the place.

He makes notes of a few interesting places,restaurants, cafés,a record shop and a bar. "Dyonisus Bar" read the neon sign that shines even at this early hour of the afternoon.

Out of Curiosity and mild boredom he steps in, the place is quite rustic with fake grapevines tangling around the beanpoles and the walls. Its a mix of 90s architecture with its ornate details in the scaffolding,the decorations of the walls and that rustic feel that seems to be a trend around the town.

--Quite early for a drink huh?--A Man behins the bar asks to another costumer. The ex soldier turns to see a guy in his 20s manning the bar, dark brown hair with a cobalt blue underdye, greyish green eyes and tattoos all across his arms.

Lucas sits to see if he can strike up a conversation with the guy,get some more information on the place. He calls the attention of the barkeeper and smiles politely.

--You too huh? Its not even happy hour--the brown haired Man says with a smirk.

--Hah, kind of. Just here to ask about the town, im uh- New

--I'd say,havent seen you before--Theres a small hint of a hispanic accent to the Man, his way of speaking is sing-songy-- Whats your name,stranger?--He asked,polishing a glass.

--Lucas, n you are?-- he finds himself Charmed by the guy, a lot of charisma clearly.

--Lazaro, call me laz

--Nice to meetcha,Laz-- the radioman answers--What can you tell me about the town?

--We're small, honestly. Quite boring--He replied,setting down the polished glass--Before I say anything though, whats your poison?

He chuckled--Gotta pay for information?

The Man chuckled--All in a days work,mate. Dont wanna be greedy but you know-Gotta make a living

--Fair enough, just a beer Will do-- he replied, not minding getting hustled.

--cool, we've got Budlight,Corona,budwiser and uhhh--He thinks for a moment, turning to the small fridge behind the bar-- Heineken

--Corona 

Lazaro nodds and goes to Grab a bottle,hes quick to return and pocket the metal cap once the bottle is Open-- good choice,Its my sisters favorite--He pushes the beer up to the other man-- Actually,sorry to be so forward but youre exactly my sisters type

His face blooms with deep reds,he coughs a little- Jesus, hes not used to this-- uhm...thanks?

The barkeeper snorts-- ill make you a discount for the discomfort-- the soldier chuckles, easing into the conversation-- As I was saying, we're a small town. Quiet,cozy,easy going

Lucas nodds--Any interesting history to the place?

--Not sure- Theres the icarus point,the lighthouse- Oh the church of the blessed eyes, thats pretty--He lists off a few places until he adds--Oh right,it slipped my mind- Fort Sonder! Yeah the old bunker at Elysium Park!

--The whatnow?

--Yeah! Its an old world war II bunker, havent been used in ages-- Laz replied, tapping on the counter-- ive seen some people around It- security probably I mean im sure the state doesnt want kids to vandalize it

--Fair- Fair enough-- answered--Anything else?

He thinks for a brief moment,pursing his lips--Sadly no- But I guess I can ask my dad- hes ex military. Might know a thing or two

Lucas eyes widen,a little surprised--Theres veterans here?

--kinda! Me and my family moved here around...three years ago. Mostly world war two, like my dad!--He chirped-- Ah,hold on-Now you opened pandoras box I love talking about my family

--Kid, i got nuthin but time. Ramble away--He answers,seeing the younger guy pull out a photo and handing it to him.

On the picture theres obviously Laz,though hes covered in piercings and dressed like a goth. Beside him is his younger sister,brown eyes and a gold underdye, bright green eyes full of mirth, shes dressed like a punk.

His eyes turn to the taller figures behind them both, his gaze turns...puzzled-- before you say anything, we're adopted-- Laz says with a slight smile at the other Mans confusion.

--I- sorry

--Dont be

Lucas returns his gaze to the  Man behind the siblings,taller and well built,covered in scars and marks over his eye and cheek and a lot of freckles on his coppery skin. Beside him is an even taller woman, probably around his own height (6'10),she has beautiful dark brown skin,her afro covers her eyes and shes built on the bigger side, her lips have a warm grin.

--This is Raymond,my dad--Lazaro points at the Man with thay Cooper colored skin-- And this is Eryz,my mamma-- he gestures at the woman with the afro-- Aaaaand~ This is my sister --He points at the smaller woman beside his photo self. He grins at the soldier.

Its clear Laz is just messing with Lucas, he plays along because its just a 20 something being a teasing dipshit. Hes been there before,did the same dumb shit and he just decides to play along.

--nice family--Lucas answers with a smirk-- Gotta say your dad doesnt look his age-you said he was in world war two?

The barkeeper nodds--Good genes,hes like... sixty five?

He could relate to being "old" and spry, so he doesnt say anything other than--Fair --And then he remembers something, now that hes here he might as well ask about that therapist--A friend of mine June,says she knows a guy whose sister is a patient of uh..doctor Wales I believe?

--Oh no way you know June?-- Laz exclaims,happy to be reminded of his friend-- yeah,its my sister who is a patient of his

--The world really is small,huh?

--Hah! Yeah it is

Lucas chuckles a little flustered-- You dont happen to have his number do you?

--Ill ask my sister and give it to you Next time you come around--He replied, non-chalant. Not his bussiness to know why would the Man need it.

--Thats, thats really nice

He shrugs-- we all need help,come by tomorrow and I should have it- I promise you wont have to buy a beer for it

The soldier laughs loudly, nodding along with joy. Perhaps he can make a friend out of Lazaro, he could use the company--Hah, thanks for that- I dont exactly have money comin' out of my eyeballs here

Lazaro snorts at the metaphor, turning his head a little-- Pff! Fair enough!

After his beer,he pays and leaves the bar. Soon he returns to his van and decides to spend the rest of the day walking around The park, he does notice the bunker,though he keeps the visor of his cap well over his face just in case.

The bunker is old,overgrown and with a Giant radio antenna coming out of It. Theres a big chance thats where the experiments are taking place, so close yet so damn far.

He doesnt linget just in case,but he does stay nearby one of the small lakes there to Journal and relax.

"Log entry:

Finally at Milton Haven, its a relief to be here after everything. Been mingling with the locals, the town seems...quiet. I like it.

Made contact with the park people here and met a barkeeper, he told me about Fort Sonder. I suspect thats where the experiments are taking place, probably where that Dr.James is holed up.

Progress,baby steps..

Im closer and closer to finally set the record Straight."

He closes his Journal just as the sun starts to set, a sigh leaves him and he starts walking back to the van,making sure to avoid the bunker.

Luckily,he doesnt have to spend too much time living in his van. Soon enough Sally finds him and tells him he can start with the repairs.

Not a week into his little home renovation proyect,he meets Lazaro's dad,Raymond. He had offered to help him out on the repairs since its quite a lot- Lucas saw no danger in it and he accepted.

--What brings you to Milton-Haven?--Asked Raymond, helping him to set the insulation in the walls.

--Following up on an old friend--Its the best he can answer, nervously pushing back the stray hairs that dont care for being hold back by the red bandana on his head--Last I heard hes here

--Maybe i can help,whats his name?

He panicked and replied--Romeo-

--Dont know any Romeos,sadly--Ray answered,making sure to give the wall a good coat of spray foam.--havent been here long so maybe I just missed it

Okay,thank god hes not asked to elaborate--Maybe he moved,I honestly dont know

When the cabins all repaired,Raymond takes Lucas out for a beer at Dyonisus' Bar. They chat and slowly get into the talk about their service in the military.

Thats when Raymonds age start to show, he talks about world war two with a distant look in his eyes and bitter woe hid underneath his casualness.

Nothing Lucas hasnt seen before,he knows it first hand. So  return, he opens up about Vietnam,and a little bit about Wheeler.

《You don't wanna hurt me (yeah, yeah, yo)

But see how deep the bullet lies (yeah, yeah, yo)

Unaware I'm tearin' you asunder (yeah, yeah, yo)

Oh, there is thunder in our hearts (yeah, yeah, yo)

Is there so much hate for the ones we love? (Yeah, yeah, yo)

Oh, tell me, we both matter, don't we? (Yeah, yeah, yo》

Music fills the silence that forms when hes done talking about Wheeler's death. Of course he doesnt tell the full story,but its good to Open up about it somewhat.

--That sounds...rough--Ray says leaning on the bar with this look of...fatherly pity in his eyes.--im so sorry, kid.

Its that damn petname that really makes his heart squeeze and churn and hurt like hell. Yet he nodds,holding Back the tears that threaten to form and expose him.

--Its- ive been dealing with it--He replied, taking a swig from his beer-- I got to talk about it with a friend we both knew, she gave me this,actually-- He gestures at the red bandana he has tied on his left wrist.

--Talking helps-- The older Man said, figuring he shouldnt pry. Though his gaze lingers on his companions bleary-- Crying too,no shame in crying

Lucas feels a little exposed- Did his eyes betray him somehow?. He clears his throat and avoids telling Ray he sounds quite a lot like Wheeler did.

After that night,Lucas moves into the place, at least the basics like his radio equipment and his cot. But he sleeps a little easier knowing he has a place to call home for a while, its a nice upgrade from living in a van crammed with Gear.

When he gets a phoneline, he calls up Dr.Wales. he had the whole thing rehearsed,he Hated calling.

--Hello?--Says a Man, of a somewhat deep but welcoming voice.

--Morning Mr.Wales --Lucas tries his best to Keep his tone steady--Im a friend of Lazaro's, his sister is a patient of yours.. I-- he makes a pause, knowing this is the first step towards recovery. He just needs to set one foot after the other-- I wanted to schedule an appointment

--Yes, of course--Dr.Wales answers,seeminly going through his schedule given the fact that the sound of flipping paper can be heard-- I think theres a space for you Next month, sounds good? Im kind of pretty busy until the end of this one

--Yes- its uh,no Biggie.

They talk for a bit,just bureocratic things like scheduling and fee discussion. After that,Lucas sits on the one person sofá hes got and rubs his eyes.

Maybe he should call up Jane and tell her the news,Surely she'd like to know hes getting help. So,he does- And admits he misses her already.

Now that hes got a "Base of operations" he tries to Catch that frequency again, now that hes close this should make it easier to eavesdrop. And he could confirm or deny his suspicion that the bunker in the park held the lab.

The few times he catches things they sound...oddly muffled. Perhaps this Dr.James had been moved to the bunker and thats why the transmission sounds so...weak?

It leads him to create what he called a "Radio Beacon",A modified walkie talkie.Now he could tune in on the frequency from the bunker, Its just a little clearer with this. And,it gives him a good side proyect to Keep his mind occupied when hes not working as a groundskeeper.

He figures that going from soldier to Park ranger is a good change of pace. He gets to be there in the great outdoors,helps people out and its mostly left to his own devices-Great cover for when hes walking around the Park late at night.

Lazaro was right, this town is quite calm and quiet. He really likes it.

One night, as he returns from his day as a firewatch(he covered sometimes for the actual firewatch guy,Eliott) he finds a cardbord envelope in his doorstep.

Hes careful to both Grab it and Open it, within it he finds a white paper that seems to be the personal Log of Doctor...Rosemary james. Taped to the page was a simple note.

"I wont tell if you dont. -Spider"

Lucas chuckles and proceeds to read the document, nursing a cup of coffee as the radio plays.

《And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

Be runnin' up that road

Be runnin' up that hill

Be runnin' up that building (yo)

Say, if I only could, oh》

When hes done Reading,he goes to work on his board. He would like to think its not a conspiracy board but he can only lie to himself so much...

He finds humor in it though,and simply keeps working with what hes got. A few red threads here,some more notes over there...

In a sense,he finds pride in this work-In this mission he decided to embark on. A chance at vindication,right?

《Oh, come on, baby (yeah)

Oh, come on, darlin' (yo)

Let me steal this moment from you now

Oh, come on, angel

Come on, come on, darlin'

Let's exchange the experience (yo), oh, ooh, ooh》

--Lucas....Cole.... do you read?--Comes from his radio equipment. A garbled mess.

No,its not from the radio- its...

His head?

Lucas turns violently, seeing a woman behind him- or what he thinks is a woman. Shes covered in blue light and radio waves.

--Rosemary?--He asks,and just like that the visage is gone-- What the- no,cmon-- He runs to the equipment to try and tune into the frequency, though he finds no success in it.

To his credit,he really did try everything, even walking up near the bunker with his radio Beacon. But It seems that his luck had run out,for now at least.

《And if I only could

I'd make a deal with God

And I'd get Him to swap our places

I'd be runnin' up that road

Be runnin' up that hill

With no problems》

And that night,as he sits on his cot journaling his eyes drift to the picture hes got with Alphonso. He smiles with nostalgia and returns his gaze to his Journal.

He sighs with that same bittersweet air--Finally here Man.-- he takes the picture and plays with one of the edges of it-- Im making things right

Lucas rips out a piece of paper and writes on it for a few minutes. Then,he sets it on his nightstand, taking a few moments to read it before heading to bed.

"I pray for you,Alphonso,

As I do every night

That your soul May be at peaceful rest.

That you watch over your brothers,here amongst the living

Where you should be

If it were not for dire mistakes

And unfortunate circumstances.

I beg for your forgiveness and your help,friend.

Give me strength

To overcome those who seek to enslave our minds.

To shine a light to those in darkness

To restore faith in those who are lost.

Amen"

Lucas Cole had finally reached Milton Haven.

And he would set the record Straight.

[fredoesque]

Rules: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better

i was tagged by @unrealwasteland, thank you :)

I choose:

the terror

black sails

disco elysium

the first character you loved:

hickey <3 as much as gay cannibal liar is like. #1 most fredoesque favorite character conceivable, i actually got attached during his very first appearance before any of that was even revealed

silver!! who has the character introduction of all time if you ask me

kim ofc

the character you relate to most:

billy orren bc if i was on those ships i think i'd also die instantly before anything really bad even happened

transgender icon with 5 seconds of screen time mark read. as i am also transgender

trant heidelstam. i love yapping about my niche historical interests

the character you'd slap

kind of a cop-out answer perhaps but now that i've thought of it there's nobody else i'd rather slap: john barrow sr

woodes rogers i hate youuuuu

in a fantasy scenario where i could do this and survive. measurehead

three favorite characters in order of preference

hickey, jopson, dundy

silver, max, rackham

jean, klaasje, kim (also honorable mention the paledriver)

a character you liked at first but don't like anymore

hmm i don't really know if there is anyone. i mean i guess i remember being really charmed by mcdonald when i first watched the terror, and he's way less front-of-mind now but like. i still like him ultimately

thomas hamilton. i wouldn't say i really dislike him now but when he first shows up and flint is revealed to be gay it's this really incredible moment. only past that it turns out he doesn't interest me as much. type of guy who's more interesting as an off-screen haunting yknow?

lena. like many people i had the experience of thinking i was talking to a nice old lady only for her to suddenly drop the most unhinged racist rhetoric on me

a character you did not like at first but now do

ok funnily enough i reallyyy didn't like goodsir when i first watched the show. his hypocrisy and self-righteousness got on my nerves. luckily now i see his hypocrisy and self-righteousness are some of his best traits <3

eleanor in a way. she is such a piece of shit and again can really get on your nerves but also. sooo compellingly written in all her complexities and ugliness and sooo ultimately tragic. but i'm not sure if i ever truly disliked her and i'm not entirely sure i like her now. you get it

jean. i thought he was being a dick at first but i've realized since he was actually entirely justified in his being a dick. also cuno actually he grows on you like mold

three OTPs

hickeytozer, jopkey, rossier

silverflint, maxanor and. ok wild card pick but silver/muldoon. muldoon's death scene haunts me like actually

jeanharry, harrykim, rubyklaasje

i already tagged a bunch of people earlier today and i don't want to spam anyone, so i'm not tagging anybody specific in this. however anyone who sees this and wants to do it, please consider yourself tagged :)

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

If i may ask, what's disco elysium? What's it abt? I know nothing abt it and im genuinely curious to know from someone who's into it

man i'm bad at explaining as my family can attest to as they've listened to my rambling explanations.

to put it simply, disco elysium is a sort of roleplay video game where you play as a detective trying to solve a murder. you have a bunch of skills you can put points in, and there's plenty of checks in the game where you have to try to use those skills to further the case or do side-quests and such. the main story is you are an amnesic cop who's mentally not doing great, and you've been tasked with a case of a dead body in a tree. so you have to figure out what happened, but also who you are, what you believe in, what from the past is haunting you even though you can't remember it. it explores themes of addiction, mental health, memory, politics, corruption, but also has a lot of funny moments. the game has a beautiful art style and is incredibly detailed and immersive. to me, it's a game where grief and memories loom over every aspect and shape every moment, even if you don't even know the shape of it.

my friend ori first described it to me as

like it’s a beautiful introspection on like. what happens when you dwell on the past too much. a compassionate view of addicts. suicide. alcoholism. corrupt policing systems. it also has some weird gay shit in it (positive) but it’s not the focus

there's also a really great video by Jacob Geller about it (which is spoiler free, except for a small skippable section) and that lowkey is what made me want to play it.

I personally think going into it largely blind really is a good experience, because your character himself has complete amnesia and knows nothing about himself or the world he's in, so you can learn right alongside him and feel in his shoes a bit.

[signalhill-if]

🖊 the city, given that you've talked about how it's a character

I didn't get to this because I got a bunch of (nice) hatemail after, sorryyyyy

So I wanna use this as an opportunity to talk about the idea of location as character and how I'm trying to implement that in Signal Hill?

Specifically, the city of Revachol, and the way it is characterized in Disco Elysium, is a huge inspiration. Revachol is a place with a past, needs, desires. It is fractured by war, struggling to maintain itself, on the edge of collapse- a mirror to our main character. Or arguably, our main character is a mirror to Revachol.

Every encounter in the city, while many do serve to push the plot forward, is inherently there to characterize the city itself. The doomed commercial district where any attempt at building something new crumbles, the piers where rich outsiders felt they could change this city and neber succeeded, the rotting corpse in the yard where abused children hang around all day doing drugs. Yes, all of this is part of the plot, but it's also all such an integral part of the city. It's all telling a story about who the city is, and what its future holds.

I will never claim to be on the level of Disco Elysium, haha. But their approach is very inspiring to me. While creating the world, I took a whole lot of time with each addition to think "What is this saying about the city? How does this serve the city?"

I've definitely not gotten it perfect yet. There are a lot of elements of the worldbuilding that are hard to convey all at once, without their own dedicated stories. Over time you'll have to work to reveal those, and I believe they'll add to the world over time as well- for example, Reese is going to bring you to one of his old haunts when you go out with him again, and you're going to unlock that as a location you can go on the overworld map. I'm hoping to over time create an evolving view of the city as you get to know it better. Whether I'll succeed in that, I guess that's up to interpretation, haha.