#do you know what the b in vitamin b stands for? BROKE

[akatsukiky]

Sunny = Sir Billiam

That’s it that’s the post

[dreamteamspace]

Some positivity about this Tales Of The SMP because I feel like it. MAJOR SPOILERS

Technoblade being in character and hilarious at the same time

Karl says he’s a minecraft streamer fully in character and it’s treated as being the equivalent of a billionaire for the rest of the tales

Everyone having awful rich people accents

Fundy is an old person

Technoblade is just hilarious I don’t make the rules

NIKI NIHACHUUUUU FUCK YEAH!!!!!

Ranboo is the butler and can only communicate in enthusiastic or panicked nods for 90% of it

They try to throw Quackity out of the party the moment he walks in the door. His name is Drew P. Pe- [gets shot]

Karl and Quackity keep falling off the railings and it’s sometimes plot relevant and sometimes not

Techno: “Poor people don’t get healthcare”

Karl trying really hard not to laugh throughout the entire thing, mostly cause of Technoblade and I can’t blame him

Techno, whispering about Quackity: “Butler, feed the poor man poison!” Quackity: “You can say that to my face you son of a bitch.”

Techno: “Sir can you spell ‘economy’?” Quackity: “Of course. A-” Karl: *laughing into his elbow*

Technoblade and Quackity are the funniest people on the planet I don’t make the rules

Technoblade keeps flexing on poor people and I can’t even be mad at him

Quackity: “I’m gonna cough on you!” Everyone: *FERAL PANIC, SCATTER IN ALL DIRECTIONS, HIDE UNDER THE TABLE, SCREAM*

Techno: “Butler, did you feed this man poison yet?” Ranboo: *Tosses Quackity a poison potion.* Techno: “Ah, there it is. Now drink that.” Quackity: “Now why would I do that?” Techno: “It’s high in vitamin B.” Quackity: “What does the ‘B’ in vitamin B stand for?” Techno: “Broke.”

They play duck-duck-goose fully serious and in character sitting in the middle of the ballroom in a circle, complete with screaming and yelling

They stop playing duck-duck-goose for the lights to go down by 3%, everyone to run around as if it’s pitch black, and Niki start to murder people. It’s great. Absolute highlight

I’ve gotten used to Karl being 70% out of character at all times and it’s actually really funny contrasted with everyone else being extremely in character and rolling with whatever he says

“Oh Niki went to the bathroom so we can’t question her.”

Karl: “Oh! ~Canonically~ I see some of his blood! On this wall!!” Everyone: :O!

*Quackity is the one who died* Karl: “I don’t think he died from being dumb and poor... I think he died... from one of YOU!” Everyone: *shocked gasp* Techno: “Who did it? I will pay them for their troubles!”

Ranboo, whispering: “Can I talk?” Techno: “Keep it short, five words.” Karl: “I think we should let him talk to investigate this murder.” Techno: “Alright, six words. That was one of them.”

Fundy: “Everyone knows poor people are very sneaky.” Techno: “Yes, us rich people only commit ~financial crimes~.” Karl: “And it doesn’t count because we don’t MAKE it count!” *Everyone agrees*

They play terrible rich people and simultaniously flex on rich people. We love to see it

Whenever they have to look around Techno just goes and gets a bath and he’s not even sneaky about it

Karl: “I can’t believe they did that to that poor person, whoever this murderer is... I know they’re poor but sometimes they can still live for something else. Like helping rich people get richer!”

Fundy almost drowns in the aquarium?? Was that even scripted??? Nobody even threw him in there he was just there??

NIKI DIES NOOOOOOOOOO WHAT!

*Everyone thinks it’s Karl* Techno: “He did medbay scan!”

Karl: “So it couldn’t have been me. Unless I’m lying. Which killers don’t do!” *Everyone agrees*

Techno: “Everyone empty out your pockets!” Techno: *tossing stacks and stacks of gold bars* Karl: *picks up Sapnap’s gold and mouses over ‘disconnect’* Ranboo and Bad: *buckets and buckets of milk??* Sapnap: *keeps picking up all the gold everyone keeps throwing*

Karl, walking forward and picking up 3847 buckets of milk: “Oh I’ve got so much milk now.” Techno: “Here, wash it down with some poison.” Karl: *actually drinks it and starts screaming “If only we had milk!” while running away*

Karl, to Bad: “Are you still drinking?” Bad: “dn,, btnt... no.”

Karl and Bad chilling in the closet

*Karl and Techno stumble onto Fundy on top of a dead body* Techno: “Caught! In! Four! K!”

Fundy “But if I was the killer... and I was from London... WHY didn’t you hear a GUNSHOT?” Techno: “He’s got a point there.”

Karl: “Why couldn’t it have been the butler?!” Ranboo, whispering: “How many words?” Techno: “Three.” Ranboo: “Nope. Not... me.” Techno: “...he does raise a good point.”

Ranboo: “Is there a murderer-” Techno: “SILENCE! ...He really singed up thinkin he’d get to voice act. Not on my watch.”

Karl, to Techno: “We really need the butler to talk. If we allow him 30 minutes-” Techno, quietly with horror: “30 minutes?”

Techno: “Butler, you have 30 minutes of free speech.” Ranboo: “Oh, oh! 30 minutes! I have a question, then. I read something in a book once. What is a... ‘union’?” Karl: “Nevermind, cut him off.” Techno: “No rights for poor people.”

Fundy: “If it was me, how come I can play such a JOLLY tune?” *starts playing crime theme on a piano* *Ranboo vibing to the music in the background*

Karl: “Okay so Fundy will stay with the butler. He was only like a 100 millionaire, right? Fits that he stays with the poor people.” Techno: “Oh yeah, he’s broke. I heard he streams fortnite.”

Techno laughs himself lightheaded at that

Techno: “I’m gonna file so many complaints to the lights company after this.”

Techno: “Oh no, it’s the butler, we’re out of here! Throw gold, he’s poor so he has to stop for it!”

EGG?!?!?!

THE EGG?!?!?!?!?!

?!?!?!?!

I mean I knew they were all gonna die at the end but STILL

Ranboo is rly scary when he wants to be

LMAO the book dissapeared and Karl had to do a take two

Karl just makes the stream read the book themselves lmfao

on that note HOLY FUCK THE BUILD

HOLY FUCK THE BUILD

they probably downloaded that from somewhere but still

I would fucking die for that castle

TLDR: Ranboo has never done anything wrong in his life, ever

[anonymous-dentist]

Truth in the Tales Minisode: Sir Billiam vs Drew P. Wiener- Class in the Gilded Age

This minisode of Truths is brought to you by my socialist ass reading through the Wiki and realizing that Sir Billiam probably kinned Andrew Carnegie.

Hi, I’m A.D., and I’m a history student. My area of study, more or less, is the last forty years of the 19th century. Specifically: the Gilded Age. So today I’m gonna talk about the one thing Tumblr loves to hate, class privilege. Briefly, mind, but I’m always open to questions! Most of the stuff in this post comes from my dirty little history student brain, so there’s that warning.

First comes the question, why the Gilded Age? Well, the term comes from famous American author Mark Twain and is used to describe about the 1870s through (in my opinion) the end of Roosevelt’s presidency in the early 20th century. It refers to how America was gilded with gold despite being completely fucking awful to live in. This was before unions and everything, and urban living conditions were hell, to say the least.

(Irma and Paul Milstein Division of United States History, Local History and Genealogy, The New York Public Library. "Man in kitchen—bedroom with dishes, clothes, irons (1904)." New York Public Library Digital Collections. Accessed February 16, 2022. https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/items/510d47e4-3217-a3d9-e040-e00a18064a99)

(The Miriam and Ira D. Wallach Division of Art, Prints and Photographs: Photography Collection, The New York Public Library. "A rear tenement room, New York" New York Public Library Digital Collections. Accessed February 16, 2022. https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/items/510d47d9-a9f1-a3d9-e040-e00a18064a99)

Like. That’s bad. Really bad. Rapid industrialization leads to more problems than rewards for a certain period of time, generally speaking. Too much urban growth can be a real problem if you’re a city with no infrastructure. Sickness and disease ran rampant. Most of these tenement houses didn’t have running water or bathrooms, so they used outhouses that were rarely cleaned. Rent was astronomical, especially when considering the average wage of the time. This was before minimum wage, long before it.

(Interior rooms.)

An apartment like that, for example, would be $10 a week if it was in 1892, just a bit after when the Masquerade would have taken place. Meanwhile at any given Carnegie steel mill, a day’s wages would be about $1.72.

Andrew Carnegie, meanwhile, made about $92,000 a day.

(Carnegie estate.)

Carnegie was one of the huge guys of the Gilded Age. As a native to Pennsylvania, I know entirely too much about that guy. But to make it brief, he was rich and worked his way up to being rich after years of work. He thought everybody could do that, but he never once provided the means to do so. He was an active enemy of workers unions and didn’t really care if people lost limbs or died working in his steel mills as long as they were replaced quickly.

But is that Sir Billiam? Not entirely. Sir Billiam gives me bigger Vanderbilt vibes.

You might recognize the name from the university, but the Vanderbilts are old money. While they did have a big hand in business, they are arguably more famous for their parties.

(Le Petit Chateau, which happened to take up an entire city block.)

There was once a huge costume ball thrown by Mrs. Alva Vanderbilt. She invited 1,200 people. It cost about $250,000 to throw. For reference, that’s $6,000,000 in modern money, if I’m doing my calculations correctly.

Now how does this go back to our lads Billiam and Drew?

“What does the B stand for?” (In Vitamin B)

“Broke!”

Billiam is obviously a rich motherfucker with little to no concern for the poor. That’s like. His whole thing. The only reason Drew is there is cause he broke in, basically. Drew is vitamin b-broke, ain’t got a nickel to his name. Compare that with Sir Billiam and his opulent estate.

The other thing to note is that The Masquerade does, is fact, take place during the Gilded Age. Not only is it similar to any given upper class party from the era, but it canonically takes place at around the same time as the Wild West, which would have taken place sometime in the 1870s or 1880s. So if we’re to take those two things together, we have approximately the year 1883 set for the Masquerade, the year Alva Vanderbilt’s party happened.

[uno-writing]

Random UnO Characters as MCYT Quotes

I had a lot of fun with the Dumbass Trio one, so here's some more!

(i didn't include the links bc I was feeling lazy, but if anyone wants them, I dont mind to give them :))

John: Hey Sera! I just got a pig stuffed animal! What should I name it?

Sera: *thinking*

Sera: Dipshit.

Sera: Oh, I mean um....slappy.

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Isen: *frantically messaging Arlo* Sorry boss man!!

Blyke: *looking over his shoulder* Ah yes, bsoiso s man.

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Isen: Would you like to see how much of that was comedy based?

Blyke: None of it was comedy based, no one laughed.

Arlo: It was not funny Blyke-I mean Ser-uh, Isen.

Isen: ....okay Arlo.

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Holden: Fool me once that's on me, fool me twice...also shame on me. Fool me, fool me three times, okay. I'm just-that just makes me a dumbass okay?

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John: What's the point of having HIV if you can't drive?

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Remi: Wait what?

Arlo: I asked how much Chinese food you ordered the other day?

Isen: CUM?

Arlo: ...chinese food

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Remi: Guys, guys-boys. Boys. Settle down. Settle down.

Blyke: He hit me first!

Remi: Settle down! Settle down. You're gonna go to timeout. You're gonna go to time out! This isn't rough house time, this isn't rough house time.

*remi gets hit with an energy blast*

Blyke: REMI!!

Isen: REMI!!

Isen: Mom! You hit mo-he hit you. He hit you!

Remi:...im really disappointed in you Blyke.

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Zeke: Ah finally, the poison. Here, drink that!

John: Why would I do such a thing? I've never heard of a drink called poison.

Zeke: It's high in vitamin b.

Cecile: It's french

John: What does the b in vitamin b stand for?

Zeke: Broke

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Isen: When people at the supermarket say "how's the weather up there, big guy-"

John: And then I kick em. When people say "why are you carrying that gun at me, i go "L"."

Sera: So hang on, are you tall or a criminal?

John: I'm a tall criminal.

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Sera: No, John, we don't speak with actions, we speak with words!

John: *gets in Arlo's face* Screw you.

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Blyke: "rip that blyke ehhhh" no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do not turn me into a meme.

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Zeke: *just walking down the alley way at the school*

Tuesday: *comes out of nowhere* Ay caramba donde esta la biblioteca??????!!!!!!!!

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Cecile: *talking with Arlo*

John: *throws the door open* AYEEEEEEEEE

Cecile: fuck me dude.

Arlo: Speaking of bad energy.

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Arlo: you've lowered my self esteem.

John: That's good. It was getting a bit high.

Arlo:...yeah

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Isen: you can't get to hell. do y-Maybe you could. Maybe you could get to hell. There's one way to find out. Let's not-let's not do that way though.

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Isen: Can you spell "economy"?

John: Of course. A-

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John: You're the kinda guy that'd like disney movies-

Blyke: What's wrong with that, huh?

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Cecile: Look, I'm an atheist, but when god sends me to hell, I want him to hesitate, okay? I want him to hesitate for a few seconds.

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John: Officer, I drop kicked that child in self defense.

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John: Basket. Basket starts with b. You know what else starts with B? Bitch.

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Blyke: Just because I punched a kid doesn't mean that I was a bully.

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Isen: Sera, do you have green eyes? What kinda eyes-balls do you have?

Sera: ...what kinda balls do I have???

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Remi: A-are you okay? Are you like a stable person? Like are you good?

John: Oh I'm a person.

Remi: right.

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John: Wellston, please take me on a date before you FUCK ME!

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John: I've never had a breakdown.

Sera: That-you are a blatant liar, John.

John: What do you mean? You've never seen them.

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Blyke: Isen isn't here?

Isen: Blyke! I can't hear you!

Blyke: What?

Isen: I'm way to high!

Remi: What???

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Isen: I don't like the flyer.

Remi: I know you don't but I do.

Blyke: I quite like the flyer, Remi. I'll be honest with you, it does have a really nice-

Isen: Stop sucking up to Remi.

Blyke: I'm NOT SUCKING UP MAN! I LIKE THE FLYER! IT GETS THE INFORMATION ACROSS WITHOUT BEING TOO FLASHY!

Isen: I lIkE tHe FlYeR! I LiKe thE fLyER!

Blyke: Oh my god! Isen is fucking stupid!

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Holden: Arlo, you've been rejected 27 times?

Arlo: yes

Holden: Lemme tell you something Arlo, that's 27 people in this Earth with no taste. *insert lip bite emoji*

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Zeke: "can you say 'subs' without the b?" Sus *just fuckin dies*

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John: We should make a pact, right...

Cecile: John, when was the last time you had a good cry?

John: ....

Cecile: Don't ignore me.

John: We should make a pact.

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Arlo: You guys have to be appropriate.

Isen: Guys! We can say "boob"!

Holden: Boob.

Arlo: Language.

Holden: ...that's not a-

Isen: We can no longer say "boob".

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Isen: All I do is be mature.

Arlo: That's the biggest bullshit you've spat all week.

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John: I despise you Arlo. I hate you so MUCH in every way shape and form.

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Holden: I love women.

Holden: "can't believe holden's a lesbian"?

Holden: Wait....*thinks very very hard*

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Isen: *complaining about being the head of the press* I've got so much shit I've got to do.

Blyke: *who's been a royal for a couple years* Shut the fuck up~

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Zeke: Why don't I have a girlfriend?

John: It's probably because you're ugly and have an insufferable voice and attitude.

Zeke: ...no it's not.

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Doc: Jesus, what's happened to Wellston? Why are there so many kids in the infirmary?

John: I don't know.

Arlo: Yeah, says John. He's the one that sent them.

John: Alright Arlo, says you. You wanna talk about sending kids to the infirmary all of a sudden?

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Isen: Ask her if she's part of the religion, Remi. Ask her if she's...ARE YOU PART OF THE RELIGION???!!!! MAMA LIGHTNING!!

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Holden: I don't even write essays.

Holden: ...

Holden: *panicked* I have my essay due tomorrow. I have my essay due tomorrow.

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Zeke: Go and tell John I like men.

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Isen: What else can I do now I'm 17?

Remi: hmmm...illegal substances?

Blyke: Laugh at 16 year olds?

Isen: ...cry.

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Isen: If I kill Vaugn, I can get his wife which I can then trade up for pokemon cards.

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Isen: *making a bad joke* Why do we need stand up comedians?

John: *comes around the corner*

Arlo: oh he's got a gun

Isen: *screams*

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Zeke: What do you want, bitch?

John: *powers up*

Zeke: No! No, no dont. Joking, was joking!

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Zeke: Ugly. Lookin bad today. My name is Zeke and I promote bullying.

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Isen: So I just bought a roblox gift card, $10 the lowest I could get, and I just sent it to Arlo's email....Arlo's, Arlo's gonna be recieving a roblox gift card AND THE WORST PART REMI! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WROTE ON THE OPTIONAL MESSAGE FOR THE ROBLOX GIFT CARD???!!!

Remi: *dying* What-what did you write?

Isen: "hey baby, enjoy ;)"

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Isen: Is he gay???? Is Arlo gay??? Oh my god I think he's gay!

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Zeke: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SUCK IT BLONDE BOY!!!

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Remi: You have a very pretty but punchable face, that's a compliment by the way :)

Arlo: No it's not, you just said you wanted to punch me

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Isen: i wanna fuck the brown m&m

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[cocobutnochanel]

A Dream Too

Genre: angst, drama, romance, flashbacks, exboyfriend!Baekhyun

Main Characters: Byun Baekhyun x Reader (oc: female)

Warnings: profanity, mature themes

Summary: Love or career, people always ask. When your ‘successful’ self crosses paths with the love of your life again, you’ll see another woman live your ‘dream’. 

Word Count: 2.5k+ words

'How do you truly move on?'

You ask yourself for the nth time today while waiting for the 20 minutes to pass you by so you can finally go home. Back to that thought, it was really confusing for you. You had no idea if you had moved on or just forgot. Or maybe, those wounds were just buried and no longer to be seen but nonetheless, still there.

"How do you move on?" You ask Dr. Kim who just entered your office, his tiny head peeping from the door's tiny crack. "Before you drift to your throughts again, you have a patient waiting. Your shift ain't over yet." Minseok, your friend since college and now colleague, calls the patient inside.

You sit straighter and clear your throat. A woman your age walks in with a three year old girl in hand.

You smile brightly at the child and her mom. "Hi, doc." The familiar little girl in pigtails waves shyly at you. "Hi, babe." She blushes at your usual nickname for her. This was the third time you have her over and you find her so adorable. She's so shy.

The woman your age hands you the file for them that was forwarded by the nurse. "Sorry to disturb you, doc. Areum is here to see you again." She laughs nervously as her child only bows in shyness. You put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. "Don't worry about it, ma'am. She's my favorite." You smile at the shy mother too. Probably where the little girl inherited it from.

Scanning the file, the child is said to have fevers. You remember too that three weeks ago, Areum came because of a fever. You take a thermometer to measure the child's temperature. "Kindly face the side, sweetie." You coo at her and she obliges in a second.

You sanitize the tympanic thermometer before putting it in her ear. While it hasn't come back with results, you ask her mother about how the child is. This happens so naturally. It was basically a routine. This was your dream.

"So since when did she have this fever?" You ask Areum's mom who was rubbing her child's back while you hold the thermometer in her ear. "Two days ago. Her immune system is really weak." She sighs sadly, looking at her kid with pitiful eyes.

You take out the beeping thermometer. Your eyes skim over Areum's temp, 39.2°. "How are you feeling then, Reummie?" You ask her while sanitizing the thermometer before putting it back.

You pick up the stethoscope around your neck. "Come here, babe." You say softly to Areum who willingly follows. You listen to her heartbeat and everything was pretty normal. The fever was the only thing bothering the child.

“Is there anything bothering you right now?” You frown a little at the little girl’s tiny grimace. 

"Headaches." She mutters under her breath. You nod at the kid's answer. "Do you have cough? Some other sickness?" You ask her again, a pen in hand to take note of what the child's answer could be.

She shakes her head at your question. "Just fever." Areum's mom smiled sadly when she answered.

"Since you've been getting on and off fevers ever since, we will just assume for now it's because of the weather. It’s been snowing hard, Areum needs to put more clothes on." You advice while jotting down the prescription for Areum after checking her heartbeat.

"Just take what I usually recommend. Also, her vitamins and diet should be more monitored, ma'am. Her water intake too." You say that without looking at her mom but you know she's nodding and listening.

Areum’s mom was exceptionally beautiful. She was an exact opposite of her but you admired her tremendously. You admired her strength and courage. It wasn’t easy to be a housewife and a very hands-on mom like her. God knows you would never do that for someone. 

Speaking of that, you never truly did. Your passion for medicine and science was always greater. Well, you thought so.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you sign at the bottom and hand the paper to Areum's mother. "If she still has fever until the end of the week, bring her back so we can run some tests on her." You say as she nods at everything you say. You hand her the prescription and she happily takes it.

"Thank you so much, doc." She smiles at you gratefully as she stands up. "Let me walk you out." You stand up yourself too and pick up your belongings that were prepared beforehand.

You hold Areum's hand as you three walk out of your office. Passing by the nurses' table, you log yourself out of your shift and finally proceed walking with Areum to the parking lot.

You see her reserved demeanor even grow when people and patients were around. She was an exact opposite of you, you think again. You were independent, confident and hungry for your career ambitions while she bowed a little too low. Women could be insanely different but still, her choice astounded you. It takes a lot of strength to be gentle, you ponder.

"Where are you going after, doc?" Areum's mom inquired when you entered the elevator for the basement parking, stopping you from getting lost further in your thoughts. "Just home." You press Basement 1 with your free hand as Areum held the other.

"There's a boyfriend waiting then?" She asks you with a shy smile, trying to make conversation. "I don't even have time for sleep. I can't imagine having one." You laugh at her question.

Wildly, you wonder back to your earlier thought. Maybe if I didn't become a doctor, I'd be a mother like her too. But I chose my dream.

You snap out of your thoughts and ask her back. "How about you, ma'am?" The elevator pinged and opened. "My husband's just picking us up to go home." She smiles with content as if her husband was everything. You kind of wished you had that too.

Well actually, you had it. But you lost it too.

Before you could part ways with the shy kid and her even shyer mother, a black sedan pulls up in front of you.

A familiar man in a suit gets out, a face you know too well. "Appa!" You smile at Areum who was now running to the dapper man. Despite being sick, Areum was still excited to see her dad. Areum's mom walks over to the driver too and you finally look up.

You lost your breath the moment you recognized his face. It was him. The reason why you had asked such questions to Minseok. His face alone brought you the memory.

(flashback)

You wanted to bang your head against the desk as you skim over the Macleod's Clinical Examination for the nth time today. Nothing was going your way today. Med school was stressing you out, giving you a maximum of 9-hour sleep a week.

You hear some noise from your living room. You decide to take a study break and finally head out of your study. You haven't seen your boyfriend for a week despite living in the same apartment.

Despite his schedule being loose as a freelancer, your med studies were enough to stop the two of you from seeing one another.

You turn the doorknob and see a surprising scene in front of you. "W-What is this?" Your voice broke at the sight of Baekhyun and his luggage. His eyes were red and framed with dark circles. He looked sad and tired.

"I'm moving out." He states the obvious, sitting down on the sofa with a troubled face. "Why?" Your voice cracked again as it sounded so much like desperation and shock.

"You don't even have time for me." He mutters softly, obviously trying to stay calm. You were shocked at what he said. He loved you the most, he supported you the most. How could he not understand that this was your dream? How could he not understand that this isn’t forever? How could he demand so fucking much?

You fall to your knees weakly as tears in your eyes threatened to spill. "It's not your fault. I'm not even forcing you to choose me, Y/N. B-But, I can't live like this. Not anymore." He huffs out as if it was a burden he had carried ever since.

"I know it's not my fault, Baek! Hell, you're making me feel bad for chasing my dream!" You cry in hopelessness. "I'm sorry." He whispers, meters away from you.

Tears have finally made way to your face as internal pain enveloped your being. "It's just that- I can't be with someone who doesn't have time." He tries to say it again as if it's gonna make things better.

"Is it really going to be worth it? Us breaking up over this?" You didn't want to beg but God knows you've spent half your life with this man, dreaming of spending the rest of it with him. Was he really not for you? 7 years just going down the drain because you didn't have enough time?

"Am I not enough, Baekhyun?" You ask once again when he falls silent, his face in his hands. "Am I not a reason enough for you to stay?" You were disgusted at how you were on your knees, begging a man to stay.

His face was filled with sorrow as his eyes avoid meeting yours. You suddenly remember that he was the same boy who loved you unconditionally with endless patience seven years ago.

"Byun Baekhyun, I have loved you ever since I saw you that day when you laughed out loud in front of the class while introducing yourself in fifth grade." You recall an image of the boy you have loved ever since. "Tell me, don't I love you enough?" Your lips were trembling.

"I'm sorry." Baek mutters again, making you cringe at his words. "Stop apologizing, for fuck's sake, Baekhyun! I’m asking you! Am I not fucking enough?" You explode in anger, tears and pain.

"Seven years..." You whisper to the air. It felt like it was just yesterday when you two were in high-school and in love. How did it end like this? How did it end just because of time. How could he not understand? "Don't you want me to reach my dreams?" You ask him again, tears streaming down your face.

He closes his eyes shut as tears started racing down his face too. It was at that moment you realized that you weren't the only one in pain. He was too.

Like how you are breaking right now, he had suffered in silence too. He saw how consumed you were, thinking he was no longer important in your life. He saw how this relationship made it hard for you to concentrate too. He saw how he slowly faded in your ‘dream’.

But still, it broke you knowing that you hurt him this bad. It broke you knowing that the pain was too much, he had to disappear.

Your world crumbled in front of you as he stood there in pain, determined to leave. He was your first love. He was your everything. How could something so beautiful end like this?

"I'm not forcing you to choose me, Y/N." He says painstakingly, sorrow and loneliness in his voice. The aching pain in his heart was now double as he sees you on your knees.

"Will you be happy?" You ask the love of your life as he held his things in his arms. He only nodded with gritted teeth, knowing it’d be hard for him too.

That was it. The sign you needed. You were gonna let him go. You loved him too much, you couldn't imagine letting him suffer even more. You would always wish for his happiness. So you take a deep breath and nod back at him too.

For the last time, he speaks to you. "I'm not forcing you to choose me because I'm holding you back. So reach your dreams, Y/N. Reach it without me, doc." He stands up and finally departing for good, leaving you broken and your questions unanswered.

Today's Byun Baekhyun looked no day older than he did the moment he left the apartment you two shared. The supposed life you two were going to have.

"This is Dr. Y/L/N, she's Areum's doctor." Areum's mom happily links his arm with Baekhyun, snapping you out of your momentary flashback. A soft 'oh' falls from his lips as a lump forms in your throat in silence.

You couldn't breathe. Your world stops like it just did six years ago while you were on your knees and on the floor of the same shared apartment. You weren't over him at all. Moving on meant completely being fine. But despite six years flying out the window since he left, he still had that effect on you. He still left you breathless like he did in fifth grade with his hearty laugh.

"You made it, doc." He gives you the same smile he had way back when he confessed that he had a crush on you in seventh grade. Your lungs constrict at the nickname and you couldn't say a word.

His eyes shone with adoration and love that was once for you. "Yeobo, do you know her? She's a very good doctor." Areum's mother cheered, her daughter nodding in agreement too.

You see him pick Areum up in his arms. Now, the little kid resembled him a lot. It made sense, you know. He was now with a girl who could only see him in the future. He was with a woman who loved him enough to give up on her career. How could you not notice?

"Appa, I'm hungry." Areum murmured against her father's shoulders. Baekhyun rubs his daughter’s back as Areum’s mom places a chaste kiss on her husband’s lips. Tears pooled in your eyes as a familiar pain spreads in your chest. 

"I-I better get going." You stammered, feeling abandoned all over again. You knew you were going to cry if you stayed one more second with them.

He had moved on. He had a family. While you, on the other hand, are still stuck over something that happened years ago.

"Do you know her? Is she okay?" You can hear Areum's mother pry to her husband once again. Husband, your heart ached at that thought.

Before you were out of earshot, you hear Baekhyun's answer to his wife's question that makes you want to run back home and cry. Everything finally made sense. You weren't happy despite reaching your dream. It wasn’t complete. You still pondered over moving on. You still wondered how he was. But right in this moment, you realize it.

"Just an old friend, yeobo." No, Baekhyun, you were my dream too.

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] Domestic Ship Meme: Lucifer/MC

[Domestic Ship Meme]

Notes: GN! ‘you’, fluff!!!! Lucifer really b living in my head rent free

--

who reaches out to new neighbors

Between the two of you, it’s gonna have to be you. Unless Lucifer somehow has something to gain from being friendly with the neighbors, he’s not that motivated to make an impression. And if you aren’t really up for it, he doesn’t mind either. The two of you can be content with just an occasional wave and small talk with the neighbor when you chance upon meeting them. If you’re really eager to reach out to the neighbors… cool. He’ll come with and greet them if you want him to. 

who remembers to buy healthy food

Lucifer cares a lot about the fact you get your proper nutrients, especially when you don’t. 

“MC, you can’t persist on cup noodles every night when I come home late.” Insists on buying vegetables so you can at least put them in your ramen to get vitamins to live if you don’t want to cook. He makes it a habit to have a balanced meal every time. 

If you’re as health conscious as he is, you make sure to pack lunch for the both of you before you go about your day. :)

who remembers to buy junk food

YOU DO, BABY! 

Every time you go shopping for groceries with him, you both pick out produce and everything you need for meal preps, but you always backtrack to grab bags of chips or candy that catches your attention. He watches you with mild exasperation as you scrutinize whether to grab the salsa or the guacamole for the chips and end up just getting both. 

He grumbles a little less if you slip in a bag of his favorite snack though. (A bag of licorice mayhaps?) 

who fixes the oven when it breaks

Both of you are capable of learning how to fix the oven when it breaks. It probably does end up being a joint effort regardless. As to whoever BROKE the oven, it’s probably Lucifer. Baking is his weakness; he doesn’t understand why. 

who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s)

You water the plants and Lucifer feeds the pet(s). You will always have Cerberus-- always. Whether you have more is really up to your and his discretion, but he’s pretty on top of making sure Cerberus has his food every morning before he leaves. He could water the plants too, if you wanted him to, but he thinks it’s cute to come home to you watering the hydrangeas at the front door or the succulents at the windowsill. It gives you a very nurturing vibe, even if you don’t mean to, and it makes him feel a little soft every time. 

who wakes up earlier

Lucifer does. This really depends on what job/occupation you currently have, but for the most part, he wakes up at the crack of dawn naturally anyways. Doesn’t matter when he sleeps, his internal clock is set for ‘when the sun rises’ (which is funny, considering how the Devildom doesn’t have a sun). 

You think it’s horrible until you realize he can choose to sleep in when he wants to, but Lucifer honestly doesn’t mind. He likes waking up early so he can press kisses onto your forehead, careful not to wake you up but laughing under his breath if you stir and mumble in your sleep. He’s absolutely besotted with you, and it really shows in the way he holds you in the moments before he starts the day. 

who makes the bed

You do, mostly because you wake up later than he does… and because he doesn’t like it when the bed isn’t made. 

“Why make the bed when we’re going to end up sleeping in it anyways?”

“Yes, why wash Cerberus if he’s going to get dirty again.”

“3:” 

Just make the bed. He’s ridiculously pleased when he comes back home to a neat bed, especially if you were not in the habit to do so before. If you weren’t really happy to do it before, he says “please~?” in a way you swear you fucking see sparkles in the background and you give up. (you are weak for the man)

who makes the coffee

(flashback to Hell’s Coffee chat)

Lucifer lives off of coffee, so more often than not, he ends up making the coffee. He also tends to wake up a LOT earlier than you, so the duty usually falls to him anyhow. If you drink coffee, always makes a cup for you before he leaves with the right amount of sugar and cream. 

On the day you’re both off, you tend to both sleep in, and therein the coffee making responsibility goes to you, because Lucifer certainly isn’t going to get out of bed any time soon. You tried making coffee for him on a work day, which basically meant you tried to wake up EARLIER than him. Not the best idea you had, but when he found you asleep on the dining table with the coffee made hot, best believe he pressed a kiss onto your forehead and said ‘thank you’ before sending you back to bed. 

who burns breakfast

Assuming both of you are decent at cooking, you’re more likely to burn the breakfast mainly because Lucifer doesn’t eat breakfast to begin with. 

“What happened to three balanced meals a day?”

“I never said ‘three,’ I just said they had to be balanced.” 

“>:(“ 

It’s his fault though. Every time you make breakfast, he distracts you by coming into the kitchen and wrapping his arms around you and pressing a kiss on the back of your neck. Or, if it’s on a weekend, he tugs you back into bed and you forget about the bacon on the stove until it’s basically charcoal. 

how do they let each other know they’re leaving the house

Lucifer tries not to wake you up before you need to, so he’s usually silent when leaving the house. When you do stir awake and sleepily ask him if he’s heading off to work, he never fails to press a kiss to your cheek and say, “I’ll see you soon.” He’s always the most tender with you in the early light of the day, willing to indulge you a little if you tug him back into bed for a snuggle or press kisses onto your lips until you’re satiated. 

If the both of you are awake, he’ll say something along the lines of “I’m heading out to do something. I’ll be back in an hour,” and if you’re not busy, kisses you and leaves. 

how do they greet each other when one of them gets home

“I’m home,” Lucifer says quietly, just in case you’re already asleep-- but you never are. He finds the kitchen light on with you sitting at the dining table with a book in hand, and you smile up at him when he walks through the door and places down his keys. 

“Welcome back,” you tell him, like every night. You tug off his jacket and press a kiss onto his lips as he tiredly gives you a smile. 

--

Rarely, you come home later than he does, but it happens. 

“Did you eat dinner yet?” Lucifer asks, once you set down the keys and shrug off your coat. “Or would you prefer a bath first?” 

“Did you learn that phrase from Levi?” You tease, watching him roll his eyes good naturedly as he stands from his chair and makes his way to you. “I don’t know,” you respond, as he snakes his hands around your waist. “Maybe a bath if you want to join me.”

His hands dip further down. “If you insist,” he says, dropping his head until he trails his lips along your neck. 

The both of you pause at the sound of your stomach growling. 

You look sheepishly at him as he gives you an amused quip of his lips. “Maybe…” You suggest hopefully, “Dinner in the bath?” 

Lucifer throws his head back and laughs.

who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often

With Lucifer, romance is never dead. If something catches his eye on the way back from work, he has no problems taking a quick stop and buying a bouquet from the florist so you can decorate the house with it or add another succulent to your collection. His gifts always mean he thought of you-- would you like this necklace? Didn’t you say you needed another pen the other day? How much chocolate is too much for a gift? (it’s never too much luci)

However, you refuse to be beat. You throw him a reverse uno card and buy him small gifts or trinkets that catch your eye and think he’d enjoy it. There’s not a lot he actually wants, so your gifts are more fun, something to make him laugh throughout the day or remind him of you. He brings a lot of the trinkets to work with him and look at them

who picks the movie for movie night

Both of you switch off on choosing a movie. He’s not that picky with movies. If it’s horror movies you want to watch, he’ll be there for you to hide behind. If it’s a rom-com you want to watch, expect a few chuckles from him. 

their favorite kind of movie to watch

Lucifer likes watching the classics and prefers new movies that are thought-provoking. Thrillers or psychological movies like Black Mirror or Annihilation are very fascinating to him. He’s impartial to most genres, though, unless it’s completely and utterly inane. He prefers movies with some thought or some emotion-evoking aspect to it-- SUBSTANCE. 

who first suggests a pillow fort + who builds the pillow fort

You suggest it and drag Lucifer into building the pillow fort with you. He thinks he enables you too much; you agree with him.

“Who did you get this idea from? Mammon?”

“No, of course not! I got it from my six-year old niece.”

“...”

Still, you end up in the pillow fort, covering it with a blanket and end up eating snacks and napping together in it. 

You don’t see him complaining about it afterwards. 

who tries to distract the other during the move

Lucifer allllll the way. The man loves to tease you whenever he has the chance, so if he’s in the mood, would definitely try to distract you by placing his hand on your thigh and just subtly tracing his hands over them. Acts innocent when you scold him, but continues to do lingering touches on your thighs, waist, neck until you either give in and be completely distracted by him. He knows when to stop though, like if you’re actually very interested in the movie or aren’t in the mood.  

who falls asleep first

Lucifer does if the both of you go to bed at the same time. Tired during the day, he knocks out pretty much immediately if he lets himself relax in your arms and in your presence. Which is fine by you. If Lucifer had a ritual to take a moment to cherish you in the early hours of the day, you take the time in the moments before you sleep to kiss his brow and sweep his hair from his eyes, whispering ‘I love you’s’ against his temple in the quiet hours of the night. 

who is big spoon/little spoon

Lucifer likes being a big spoon, of course, but you ALSO like being HIS big spoon, so it’s a trade-off. You enjoy being in his arms and being the little spoon: you feel protected, his arms around you, his head either on top of your or his nose buried in your hair. Being a big spoon lets YOU do that to him! 

Usually, you sleep on his shoulder, or you sleep facing each other. You really let the night decide whether you end up big or small spoon, but you tend to end up small spoon naturally. Sometimes, when you wake up in the middle of night, you turn to make him big spoon, and he gets a little embarrassed when he wakes up like this (but again, no complaints here! <3).

[abraxos-is-toothless]

Surprises (17)

Ah this was meant to up yesterday but then I got a little sidetracked when I came home from work. I am very sorry:((

We’ve got just a little bit of violence in this one because, it was needed, you’ll see. This happens to be a favourite of mine so I hope you enjoy<3

Surprises Masterlist.

Full Masterlist.

No gif because I’m useless and I can’t find the one I wanted. Oops.

---------

Elain did not want to be at school, she wanted to be at home with Azriel, in bed. Preferably naked. But she was stuck here in her stupid fucking English Lit class where she was absorbing literally no information. He was perfectly fine at home she knew, his mother was there with him, but that didn’t stop her leg from bouncing nervously.

When they were finally let out, she ignored all of the curious glances she received walking out of the room. Her bump was bigger but she was wearing Az’s hoodie so no one could actually see that it had and she tried not to let her hand hold it, something she had taken to doing quite a lot recently. As she walked through the cafeteria and to their usual table, where Cass, Rhys and Lucien were already sat, more people kept looking at her oddly. Some were just curious like the ones from her class, some gave her a quick and disgusted once over and others, they just looked before turning back to their friends and giggling. Elain had to clench her hands into fists so as not to wrap her arms around herself. She would not show them how they affected her; she would not look weak in their eyes. Sitting next to Cass when she finally got to the boys, more people started openly staring at their table, and she watched as Rhys’ brows furrowed and asked with blatant confusion, “And why the fuck is every moron in this school staring at us?”

Lucien laughed from opposite her, “We aren’t that special. It’s probably you and your new scar. You are now even uglier than before.” He winked at Rhys, causing the other boy to let out a gasp and put his hand to his chest.

“Vanserra, how could you? I thought you loved me?!” He put his face in his hands and started to very obnoxiously fake cry. It was at that moment that Feyre and Nesta arrived, the former raising a brow at her boyfriend’s antics as she sat down.

“Why are you being such a drama queen, Rhysand?” Rhys threw himself at Feyre in an instant, burying his face into her neck as he gasped out between more fake sobs;

“B-babe, Lucy d-doesn’t love me any-anymore.”

Elain’s sister only rolled her eyes whilst patting his back, causing Elain to giggle, which stopped as soon as it started when a voice rang out through the cafeteria. A voice she really didn’t want to fucking deal with right now.

“Well would you look at this. Velaris High’s new ‘mommy to be’ finally decided to show her face.” They all turned to see Ianthe standing there with a hand on her hips; a smirking Tamlin at her back. Fucking bastard. Elain was frozen and she felt as though she couldn’t breathe. How the fuck could that stuck up bitch know that she was pregnant? Cassian had his good arm tightly wrapped around Nesta’s waist, stopping her from getting up but he was also wincing at the way she dug her nails in. Lucien and Rhys were glaring at Tamlin and Feyre was silently seething.

Cassian tipped his head to stare at the ceiling as he groaned, “Please, please just fuck off, Ianthe. No one is in the mood for your stupid bullshit today.”

“But I’m just so curious. I was at the hospital just visiting one day, when I overheard a conversation. And then Nesta came storming out of the room. I waited for a little bit after and Tamlin’s dearest Feyre came out too. So, how did our little freak manage to get someone to even look at her, let alone put a baby in her?”

Feyre snarled from where she sat, vibrating with anger, “I am not his anything. Call my sister a freak again Ianthe, and you won’t like the consequences.”

Elain wanted to be anywhere else than here. She wanted to be at home, with Az and forget this day ever happened. Ianthe laughed, something like a hyena, and gods it was the worst sound.

“But she is a freak. A freak with a bastard baby and even better, a cripple for a baby daddy. Yeah, we heard about dear Azzie. Such a shame, he really was a looker before.” She was smirking by the end and Elain felt anger rising from the pit of her stomach. Before she knew it, she was on her feet and there was pain coursing through her hand and wrist. She shook out her fist, cursing, and looked up to see Ianthe with a hand over her nose, blood leaking through her fingers. She was also screaming.

“You fucking bitch! You broke my gods damned nose!”

Cassian had let go of Nesta who was also now on her feet, and proceeded to bang Ianthe’s head against a chair. The screeching stopped but people throughout the cafeteria were now cheering and chanting. Cassian whistled lowly, eyes dark as he watched his girlfriend. “Sweetheart, what have I told you about turning me on in public places?” Nesta simply flipped him off, making him chuckle.

Tamlin was looking between them and an unconscious Ianthe lying on the floor, opening his mouth to say something before the principal walked in. “What on earth is going on in here?” He looked at the group of them, sending someone to get the nurse when he saw Ianthe, and narrowed his eyes at Elain. She was still shaking out her slightly throbbing fist. “My office, right now.” Turning on the spot, he gestured with a hand for her to move forward, following behind her as she did as she was told. There were faint murmurings of Rhys saying, “Who knew Lain had such fire?” as she walked away. It was only then that she allowed her hand to drop, curving her hand around her steadily growing stomach, hand rubbing against the side. Her brows furrowed when it felt like something was tickling her and pressed her hand down a little harder. She gasped when it happened again, eyes widening as a shocked smile spread across her face.

Her little girl was moving.

Elain dragged her hand downwards and her girl followed. It took everything she had to not let herself cry with joy. Her girl made her presence known right when Elain needed her most.

Mama is here baby girl. I’ve got you, my littlest one.

She held her head high and back straight as she walked into the principal’s office, proud of herself. She had defended herself, the man that she loved and that wonderful little miracle they’d created together. She had defended her family.

Just as she always would.

oOoOo

Azriel peered up over his book from where he was sitting on the sofa, watching as his family walked through the front door of the house, all of them laughing loudly. Cass and Rhys both had an arm each looped through one of Elain’s as she giggled at them. Feyre and Nesta came through just behind them, both smiling wide as they watched the trio in front of them. Cassian let go of her to flop down next to him and Rhys twirled Elain before bringing her close, singing a random song off tune as he danced with her. Azriel felt a small twinge of jealousy at the sight, but it was overpowered by the happiness he felt as he watched her. This was the brightest she’d been in almost a week and his heart soared.

His brother nudged him with an elbow, his whole body twitching with how giddy he was. “Oh dearest brother, you would never guess what kind of day we’ve had.”

“No I can’t, but I’m assuming it was a good one?” He didn’t take his eyes off of his girlfriend, who seemed to be glowing with all of the excitement. He wanted nothing more than to get up and take her into his own arms, he ached to do so. He pushed it down and finally tore his eyes away, meeting hazel eyes similar to his own.

“Ianthe knows about the baby.” Azriel’s eyes went wide at that before abruptly spun back to Elain, but she didn’t seem bothered by it, didn’t look like she cared one bit.

“How the hell could she possibly fucking know? You can’t even see Elain’s bump when she’s wearing baggy clothes.”

Nesta spoke up; returning from where she’d disappeared into the kitchen, bottle of water in one hand and Elain’s vitamins in the other, handing them both off to his girlfriend. “She was at the hospital the day Elain collapsed, lurking around like a creepy loser after I stormed out to come and beat your ass.” There was no heat behind the words and she even winked at him. “She called Elain a freak, the baby a bastard and then you a cripple.” His heart dropped into the pit of his stomach at that. He couldn’t give two fucks about what people thought of him, but that was his girl and his baby. The anger inside of him had clearly transformed the look on his face because Rhys nodded at the sight.

“That was your girl’s thoughts exactly because the next thing we knew, Elain was out of her seat and punching Ianthe square in the nose.” Pride over took him then at the image it provided him. His beautiful Ellie all fired up. As he looked at her he could see the pride she too felt about herself, but her lips were also formed into a shy smile. His girlfriend was not violent, never had been. She was kind, loving and so amazingly sweet; it was part of the reason he’d fallen in love with her. The opposite of him but she also matched him perfectly.

“That’s my girl.” He breathed the words with such awe, watching the way Elain flushed at the praise, from her cheeks, down her neck and then it disappeared, hidden by the clothes she was wearing. Azriel didn’t need to see though, he knew exactly what it would look like from their times together. Part of his anatomy stirred at the thought of getting her naked again, making that flush spread all over. Thought of the way she’d gasp and bite her lip when he traced it gently with his fingertips. He shook his head of the thoughts when Elain spoke softly, the first time since they’d all gotten home.

“Could the rest of you give us a minute please?” Both Rhys and Cassian turned to look at him, both of them with matching, shit eating grins on their faces as they wiggled their brows. Feyre and Nesta rolled their eyes at the pair, forcefully dragging their boyfriends’ from the room despite their protests. When they were alone, Elain slowly walked over to stand in front of him where he was sitting, holding her hands out to him. He raised his own and placed them in hers, feeling the way she squeezed gently before her beautiful voice filled the room again. “I know it’s awful of me but before today, sometimes I regretted that night we shared.” His face fell at the confession and he went to pull his hands away, but Elain only gripped his hands tighter.

“Ellie...”

“No, listen. It’s just that, on the bad days since then, I just didn’t feel like me anymore, you know? I felt like I had lost myself, lost the person that I was.” All Azriel could do was nod, not understanding where she was going with this, but he listened anyway. “But then today, today Ianthe happened. She said those things, called us those names and I just sort of lost it. She called our little girl a bastard and so I punched her and fuck, it felt so fucking amazing to do that. I actually felt good.” She deserved to feel good because of that. Ianthe had always been a raging bitch, an attention seeking one at that. It was about time that somebody put her in her place.

A wonderful and breathtaking smile broke out over her face, twisting her hands to bring his own to her stomach, curving them around one spot to the side. “And when I was walking to the principal’s office, I took comfort in holding our baby, just in time to feel that.” At which point, she pushed his hands down a little harder, and he felt something flutter beneath his palm. He was confused for a moment but then it happened again, making shock and astonishment overtake him. Elain took her own hands away, just letting him feel all on his own and cupped his cheek, tilting his head back to look at her.

“Is that what I think it is?” She nodded, laughing quietly and he let every emotion wash over him, tears spilling down his cheeks. They were brushed away by gentle thumbs before letting his head drop so he could press his face to the movements, feeling the little thud, thud, thud, against his cheekbone. Gods it was so fucking surreal, being able to feel the way his little girl moved, making her presence known in the best way she possibly could.

“It was like she was telling me that everything was alright, that she was the one that was there for me, not the other way around. And I knew, I knew then in that moment I could never regret it, could never regret you. I could never regret her. It simply wasn’t possible to do so because I love you both, so terribly much.”

“I love you too, Ellie. You have no idea how fucking much.” He pushed up her clothes, baring her bump to him and he pressed his lips to her warm skin, kissing the little flutters he could feel there. His daughter’s movements sped up as he spoke against skin, pouring his heart out to the girls who meant the world to him.

“And you, my angel, daddy loves you more than words can describe. You are my greatest gift and I promise you, to protect and love you, until the day my heart stops beating. Maybe not even then, sweetheart.”

----------

Oh my god, I gave you more fluff, who am I?;)) If you want to be added/removed from the tags then just give me a shout!!

Tags: @bryaxisthefaceofnightmares @starlitfangirl @starsauroras @drunken-starz @myfriendscallmeraba  @thesirenwashere @empress-sei @elrielllll  @stars-falling @lacewilde @verifiefangirl  @theshadowsinger-and-thefawn @fancyclodpaintercookie @acourtofterrasenandvelaris @silver-flames @queen-of-glass @bamchickawowow @empress-ofbloodshed @sleeping-and-books @kvi-arts @tswaney17 @awkward-avocado-s @courtofjurdan @junkiejosten10 @mu-si-ca-l @agem10 @harmonyindark245 @slightly-sane-fangirl @tanaquilpriscilla @starrynightsbooks @maastrash @kendarbahr   @elriel4life @illyriangarbage @b00kworm @thewayshedreamed @snowflakesandstarlight

[bgn846]

Together At Last a/b/o ffxv ot4 fic

Noct was so done with this bullshit, this had to stop. Knocking loudly on the door to Gladio and Ignis’ apartment Noct waited for an answer. They were home he knew this much, it was their date night. Pushing aside his slight wave of guilt at interrupting them he twisted his face into a scowl. This was serious, their stupid actions were making Prompto feel bad, he was sure of it.

Finally, he heard noise from inside and the small light from the peephole briefly faded. The door opened immediately afterward and Ignis was there looking an equal mix of worried and confused. “Highness, is everything alright? I thought you were staying at home this evening with Prompto?”

Seeing Ignis start to fret was doing things to his inner alpha, and they weren’t even together like that. Working to stay focused Noct tried to steer his teenage brain back on track. This was about his future beta, not Ignis. “No, everything is not alright!” he spit out while crossing his arms, Gladio did this all the time it looked intimidating enough.

“What’s happened, do we need to call Cor? Is Prompto alright? Where is he?” Ignis asked rapid-fire as he moved aside to allow him entry.

“Princess, what the hell are you doin’ here?” Gladio asked as he joined them in the hallway.

Forgetting his plan Noct barged in past Ignis and got right up in Gladio’s face. “I’m here because you two are making Prompto upset!”

“Whoa, hey, no need to be all crazy!” Gladio shouted back. “We didn’t do anything wrong, what’s this all about?”

“Is he alright?” Ignis tried once more, it was clear he was worried.

Ignoring the question, Noct continued to glare daggers at both of them. “He cried today because of whatever game you two are playing!” Unfurling his arms he pointed a finger directly in Gladio’s face and then to Ignis.

“We are not playing any games, I can assure you,” Ignis responded quickly. “Please, will you tell us what’s happened?”

“You two should know! Seriously this is stupid I can’t believe you’d pull this shit. You know I love him and this is what you do?” Noct couldn’t believe his friends would have treated Prompto so badly. His best friend had been acting strangely for nearly a month and today it was the worst. His beta had cried and when Noct questioned him about it Prompto refused to say. The only hint Noct had was when he mentioned possibly talking to Gladio and Ignis, Prompto had flipped out. They’d done something to him Noct was sure of it!

“We haven’t done anything to Prompto, I swear!” Gladio exclaimed. “You need to calm down and explain yourself.”

Hearing Gladio dismiss him so easily made Noct’s alpha tendencies flare, all rational thought was rapidly beginning to lose out to his anger. Before he realized what was happening Noct was yelling at Gladio and trying to hit him. His shield deflected his attempts which only made Noct madder. Vaguely aware of hands-on him Noct growled and tried to hit Gladio once more. His focus was solely on the other alpha in front of him. Then out of nowhere a sour scent filled the air and Noct snapped back to the moment with alarming clarity.

Ignis was standing between them holding his head with one hand. The other was blindly reaching out for something stable. Gladio had already moved to grab his arm. “Babe?! Fuck, did you get hit?” he asked with worry.

“No, its – you both – it’s too much,” Ignis managed before he listed to the side and Gladio caught him. “Your scents are too strong,” he added with a whine.

“Shit, sorry, how can I help?”

“Dunno,” Ignis hissed right before his legs buckled and Gladio carefully lowered him to the floor.  

“Are you in pain? What’s wrong? Talk to me please,” asked Gladio in a panic. It was obvious that he was very worried.

Without thinking, Noct kneeled down nearby and went to reach out to touch Ignis’ shoulder. Something in his brain was screaming at him to comfort Ignis. The urge to protect his friend was the strongest it had ever been. Unable to understand this new sensation he simply went along with what his inner alpha wanted.  That is until Gladio hugged Ignis close and growled at him.

Noct couldn’t stop himself from growling back and leaning into Gladio’s space. How dare he display such aggressive behavior, they were friends after all. Still unsure why he was feeling so off Noct continued to counter Gladio’s growls with his own.

“Not helping, not helping, not helping,” Ignis whimpered from where he was practically sandwiched between them.

Gladio stopped his alpha display the second Ignis fell quiet. “Sorry babe, I don’t know what to do to help, do we need to go to the doctor?” he asked leaning back to give them some space.

“Six no, you two need to bloody calm down.”

“I’m fine!” Noct replied in a huff.

“Hardly!” Ignis snapped right before he reached up and grabbed a fist full of Noct’s hair and pulled, hard.

The action caused Noct to lose his balance and he fell forward only catching himself just before the floor met his face. Surprisingly, this seemed to calm him down. The hand in his hair pulled slightly to get him to sit up.

“Listen carefully highness, where is Prompto?” Ignis asked with his hand still gripping Noct’s hair.

“My apartment,” he whispered, all the fight leaving his system.

“Does he know where you are?”

“No.” The hand in his hair tugged a little harder and Noct swore he heard Ignis growl under his breath. The sight was very surreal since he was still being cradled in Gladio’s arms like a baby.

“Have you been remembering to take your suppressants?”  

Noct nodded as best he could with Ignis iron grip holding his head in place. “The little blue bottle, yeah.”

Ignis let out a groan and finally released him. “Highness, the little blue bottle is your vitamin supplement. The orange bottle with the label that says monitrixan is your suppressant.”

“Since when?” Noct asked bewildered.

“Since I told you they changed it three months ago. I think you may be going into a rut.”

“No, no, no that can’t be right, I feel fine, I feel, I --.”

“Like a raging asshole?” Gladio finished.

“Oh gods, no I can’t be going into a rut, I won’t be able to hang out with Prompto. What if I try and take advantage?”

“I think we should discuss this with your boyfriend, in person!” Ignis huffed as he attempted to sit up. “He’s alone in your apartment and upset about something you’ve yet to tell us about.”

The severity of his actions came crashing down right at that moment and Noct couldn’t help but double over on the floor and cry out. He was such a jerk, oh gods, he’d left his best friend and future mate all by himself just because he wanted to yell for no good reason.

“Enough dawdling lets go there now, we can all talk together. I have a feeling I may know what’s going on.”

“You do?” Gladio and he asked in unison.

“Have you not considered how things have been changing between us all this year? How comfortable we all are together, the way Gladio tries to protect Prompto as much as me when we are out. It’s the same with you. Even just now you let me manhandle you. That’s not normal for a non-bonded pair.

“You’re my omega I’m gonna listen to you no matter what,” Noct blurted before he could think clearly. “Shit!” covering his mouth quickly Noct looked between Gladio and Ignis trying to see if they were upset or not.

Gladio barked out a laugh and relaxed slightly. “Damn kid, no wonder you were so protective of Iggy a minute ago.”

“How can I feel like this and not even realize it!” Noct wailed.

“Your emotions are a little out of it at the moment due to your unplanned rut coming. I suggest we go check on Prompto and talk more. Can you call him and see if he answers, he’s probably worried.”

“Yeah ah sure thing,” Noct tried to fish his phone out to call Prompto but he got instantly distracted when Gladio started to help Ignis stand up. Rushing over Noct grabbed Ignis to help.

“Highness, I don’t need help carrying Iggy,” Gladio chided as he fully stood with Ignis in his arms.

“I can walk,” Ignis added dryly.

“We’ll see about that,” said Gladio right before he put Ignis down on his own two feet. Noct again scrambled to keep Ignis upright as he swayed to the side.

“I won’t carry you but you cannot walk unaided,” Gladio admonished.

“Who’s driving?” Ignis asked ignoring Gladio’s comment.

“I had a car take me here, it’s still downstairs.”

“Even better, shall we?” Ignis offered as he tried to walk towards the door. Gladio was there to haul him upright when he stumbled.

“Do alpha scents really affect you that much?” Noct queried suddenly feeling very guilty for being the cause.

“I feel you both a little stronger than I would others since we are so close. Now, enough chit chat we need to go see Prompto.”

--

Prompto had long since abandoned his cocoon of blankets on the sofa, Noct had left nearly an hour ago and he’d still not returned. It was clear from his scent that he wasn’t mad at Prompto, but something was still off. Resigned to waiting for his friend to return Prompto tried not to worry. Things had taken an unexpected turn recently and he had no idea how to handle his feelings on the matter.

Then when Noct had asked him about it he’d flipped out and run to hide like a little kid. Noct had even offered to call Gladio and Ignis for help, oh, that had really freaked Prompto out. Those were the last two people he wanted to see. The feelings he’d been having were making him question his own relationship with Noct.

When he wouldn’t say what exactly was wrong Noct had thrown a tantrum and stormed off saying he’d fix things and that he’d be back. Unable to think of what Noct could have meant he paced the apartment and waited.

His ring tone broke the silence and Prompto snatched it off the coffee table to answer. “Hello? Noct?”

“Hey, um are you okay?”

“No, where are you? When are you coming back?” Before Noct could answer Prompto heard voices in the background. It was Ignis, shit, Noct had gone to get help despite what he’d said. “Are you bringing Ignis and Gladio over?”

“Yeah we are only a few minutes away, I’m so sorry for running out like that, we need to talk.” Again Prompto heard other voices, it seemed Ignis was saying they all needed to talk and that things would be alright. “I can go home and you guys can talk I don’t want to interrupt.”

“No!” Noct yelped, “Please don’t leave, dude we need to talk I’ve been a total asshole today and like I messed up my suppressants and shit, and I’m going into a rut, and I growled at Gladio earlier, and I tried to protect Ignis from him it’s nuts, I’m going insane. I really need you right now.”

“W-what? What do you mean you tried to protect him?”

“I think it's better if we talk in person, I’m feeling kinda flighty and Ignis helps.”

Prompto’s mind was reeling, Ignis helps? What the hell does that mean? Well, Prompto did actually know what that meant; he’d discovered this himself recently. Ignis being an omega had a really uncanny ability to calm him down with his scent. This combined with Gladio getting suddenly more clingy with him had begun to make Prompto feel things. Good things but things that he was still scared to explore.

“Prompto? Hey Prom, dude don’t bail on me now.”

“I’m here,” Prompto squeaked.

“Do I make you dizzy at all? I made Ignis get dizzy today cause I’m such a dick.” Ignis faint voice broke through telling Noct he was fine and to stop fretting.  “I mean Gladio did too but he and I – shit I dunno man—gah --  Prompto I’m a fucking mess right now. I hate going into a rut without warning.”

Suddenly worried about how Noct was going to handle his unwanted rut Prompto began overthinking everything. “I should go, for real if you’re going into a rut then that’s bad for me since I’m not bonded with you yet.”

“Prompto! Don’t leave! I’m serious we are pulling into the garage right now I’ll be up in a minute,” Noct babbled and then he hung up.

Standing frozen in the middle of the living room Prompto waited for Noct and the others to arrive. He’d missed his opportunity to run; now he had to face them all. However, when the sound of keys in the door signaled their arrival he was wholly unprepared for what came in. Noct burst in first looking crazed. The moment he spotted Prompto he ran over and hugged him fiercely.  Next Gladio came in with Ignis’ arm draped over his shoulder.

“I assure you I’m fine will you let me go!” The advisor requested trying to pull away.

“No, you’re gonna fall over like you almost did in the garage, and in the elevator, and in the damn hallway,” accused Gladio.

Ignis sighed loudly and steered Gladio closer, once he was within reach Prompto could only brace for the impact of Ignis grabbing his arm for support instead. “Are you alright? Noct refuses to tell us what has happened and I’m very worried.”

Looking at Ignis up close, the man seemed almost drunk. He was flushed in the face and holding him tightly. Forgetting his own issues for a second Prompto began questioning Ignis, he had a very strong desire to make sure Ignis was alright before they did anything else. “Are you hurt?”

“What? No, no, I’m – uh – I think, what did you say in the car dear?” Ignis asked over his shoulder as Gladio wandered away.

“You’re high on pheromones right now.”

“Yes! That!”

“But why? What happened?”

“Noct and Gladio began behaving like little miscreants and caused me to get dizzy.”

“Miscre—what? Please someone tell me what’s going on?!” Prompto cried.

“We were growling at each other and Specs got dizzy and then since we both felt really bad we tried to make him feel better with like a good scent, ya know? And now he’s sorta loopy because of it.”

“Loopy indeed!” Ignis huffed. “Prompto, we need to sit and talk, preferably on the couch so I don’t have to walk.”

--

Prompto stared idly at the little orange pill bottle on the coffee table, the label still fresh from where it had been ignored in the medicine cabinet for three months. Ignis had just finished explaining what he thought was happening and had gone quiet. If it weren’t for the fact that Noct was holding his right hand and Ignis his left, he may have tried to run away. Thank the six he was a beta, Prompto knew that if he was an omega he’d have had a heart attack long ago.  Already having anxiety about certain things would only get amplified being an omega.

Taking a big breath Prompto decided to voice his thoughts, it was what they were all waiting for after all. “Soooo, you’re telling me that little bottle right there triggered this whole thing, right?”

Ignis hummed in agreement but didn’t say anything more.

“Just to double-check, I’m not the only one who feels this way, like we’ve all been feeling it? I know you said Noct called you his omega and he’s already calling me his beta even though we aren’t bonded yet.” Prompto paused to gather courage for what he was about to say. “Um, so, like, you’re saying we could be a – a pack?”

Ignis nodded and squeezed his hand, Gladio smiled and nodded as well. That only left Noct, who wasn’t really in his right mind, but he had to get an answer from him too. Turning to his future alpha he smiled hoping Noct would admit his feelings.

“What? Why –why are you looking at me like that?” He sputtered. “I’m working really hard to not be a total jerk right now, what’d I do now?”

“You’re a lost cause buddy, I know you are acting oddly because of your rut coming but like do you want to be a pack?” Prompto asked hopefully.

“Yes! I mean yeah, sure, I think so,” correct Noct as he looked around at them and blushed.

“I still can’t believe we were all crushing on each other for the past few months and didn’t realize it!” lamented Prompto.

“Yes, well I didn’t exactly pick up on what was happening either; it seems we were all in the dark about our feelings. I do wish we’d noticed sooner though, I hate to think of you feeling upset just because you couldn’t categorize the new feelings you were experiencing.” Ignis sighed as he calmly rubbed his thumb across Prompto’s hand.

“And to think, we’d have still been in the dark if princess over there didn’t screw up his meds and turn into a total dickhead.”

“We’d have found out eventually,” Ignis added quickly. “We simply have a dramatic how we got together story now.”

“Dramatic? More like dimwitted,” joked Gladio.

“Hey! I didn’t mean to mess up stuff I just wanted Prompto to be happy and he was sad and I didn’t know it was because he liked you two and was afraid to tell me and like I didn’t know I felt the same way and I’m sorry!” Noct blabbered.

Prompto was starting to enjoy Noct’s loose-lipped nature but he knew other things came with a rut besides odd behavior patterns. “So ah, what are you going to do about your um, you know, needs?”

“Huh?” Noct asked with a blank look.

“What he always does, watch TV, whine at me for food, and go off to his bedroom to handle things, literally,” Ignis chimed in.

“Can’t Prompto come with me this time though?” Noct pleaded.

“Oh, no highness, you’re not bonded yet so that’s not happening.”  

“Yeah, I’m not exactly ready for that either yet, sorry buddy.” He and Noct hadn’t really gotten that intimate and Prompto definitely wanted to save it for when he wasn’t in a rut.

Noct started to whine but gave up and pouted instead.

“I can always help you out if you need,” Gladio teased from his spot in the armchair. “Iggy always says I’m the best, you can find out for yourself.”

“Gahhhhh no, not yet, not ready for that! I’ll be fine on my own.”

“Suit yourself.”

Prompto felt Ignis shift beside him and he turned to see the man watching him intently. “I suppose we will have a few new things to figure out now that we are to be together as a pack. Keeping Noct from going insane during a rut wasn’t what I hoped would be our first activity together but we must start somewhere.”

“I still can’t believe this is happening, we’re gonna be a pack!”

“I’m so happy we all feel the same way,” Ignis added.

“Well at least now we’ll all be mindful to not let Noct skip his suppressant medication,” Prompto replied.

“Yeah, he’s a right little asshole when he’s not in control of his alpha side,” Gladio cut in as he stood and came over to ruffle Prompto’s hair. “I’m gonna go make sure princess’ man cave is ready for later. I know what he’ll need. You two can handle him for now?”

Prompto nodded and looked over to Noct who’d remained silent and was leaning heavily into his shoulder. Maybe the day’s events had finally worn him out. “We’re all in this together now Noct, don’t worry we’ll all take care of you.” https://archiveofourown.org/works/32335489

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #441

“all alone, he turns to stone while holding his breath after death  /  terrified of what’s inside, to save his life he crawls like a worm from a bird”

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Yep, a few. What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? If I'm having a really bad day, I can tolerate as early as 7:00. :x What is you favorite type of lunch meat? Honey ham, probably. What time of the year do you dislike the most? Summer is disgusting. It's too hot, too humid, too many bugs, and I just hate it. Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? No, that sounds gross. What is your favorite color to wear? b l a c k Are you an overachiever? Oh, hunny. What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Maybe uhhhh big eyes. What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'hara) would you marry? Darkiplier bc he is merely a misunderstood soft boi. How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? Legs: It's been nearly a year. Pits: not that long, considering I shave them every time I get in the shower. What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else? I'm sure it would be something in one of the letters I sent Jason. Or Dad. Idk. Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? The phase never ended lmao. What is your favorite thing about your life? My loved ones. Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire? Sorry, but I'm picking the animals. Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? Yes. How many real bfs/gfs have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Yes. Except for when I was with Tyler. Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Yeah. What’s the best Nirvana song? I'm not sure, really... Maybe "Drain You?" What was the last thing that impressed you? No clue. When was the last time you were in a pet store? Several months ago when I went in to get more rats for Venus. What nationality is your last name? Irish. What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? Plain, rippled Lays in French onion dip. Who was the last boy that you saw cry? I don't know, actually. It may have been Sara's dad, which was years ago. Does your mom know you do surveys? I mean no, it's not like it's come up in conversation. Have you ever had a serious injury? When I was a kid, there was this one time I was running down the road with my friend, and I tripped; I was a fast runner, so I skinned the everliving FUCK out of my knees to the point there was even pus. I was SOBBING, and it took weeks to heal; I had the scars for years. What was the last thing you achieved? Losing weight at the gymmmm. Staying dedicated to going. Would you enjoy being famous? No. I couldn't take all the eyes on me and even ONE person's negative judgment. What’s under your bed? A big box of my art supplies. Do you enjoy travelling? Yeah. I wish I could do it more. Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? No. When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? Not since I first tried it at elementary school. It was absolutely disgusting. Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? I doubt it. Do you have a clock in your room? No. Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? No. If I'd listened to him while driving, I could've gotten myself killed while merging onto the highway. People are assholes and didn't want to move over. Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Probably "Freakshow." Does mind over matter work for you? Not usually, no. Are you paranoid? Oh yes. What is the best thing about winter? Everything!!! Literally the only BAD thing about winter is the dry skin/lips. I love the cold, Christmas and all that comes with it, the decor, hot chocolate, snow, getting all cuddly... Everything. :') Have you ever been truly in love? Absolutely. Are you currently planning a trip? No. A trip to Illinois is just a wish right now. How many plants are in your home? None, I think? What is your favorite possession? Excluding my pets (because I don't like calling them "possessions"), probably my laptop. Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? I have before, yes. What movies have tripped you out? Off the top of my head, the only entertainment media in general that has ever truly "tripped me out" was the first time I played the Silent Hill game. The movie didn't affect me to that level because I already understood the concept. When I watched Jason play it for the first time, I was SO confused and just blown away by the concept that I did loads of research and just thinking about it all. That franchise is just cool as shit, okay. Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? I LOVED rollerblading. I haven't done it in years, though. Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? NO. I will NOT settle. Being genuinely in love with my partner is too important to me for me to ever do so. I don't know if any of my friends are in that situation. Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? With my current body? FUCK no. If I was happy with my body, the answer is still probably no. I'm too self-conscious and awkward with that kind of stuff, and besides, I really don't think I want a picture like that to exist of myself to avoid potential trouble. Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? No. What summertime treats do you love? We have this local slushy place that is FUCKING BOMB. It may sound basic, but they have SUCH a vast variety of flavors and goodies you can top it with that it's truly just so amazing. How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. Save for how things were with Tyler... I just felt like I was supposed to. What do you hate most about moving? I. Hate. The process. Of moving. It is just so, so stressful to me. I have a very hard time confronting big tasks, and that's exactly what packing and unpacking entails. Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? Not necessarily. Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? No. Has anyone ever whistled at you? I don't think so. Do you like scarves? No. Is your father homophobic? Possibly. I don't actually know. I honestly don't think he took Sara's and my relationship seriously, so that may be a sign. Do you take gummy vitamins? The only vitamin I take now is vitamin D, which isn't a gummy. Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? Ha, yeah. I gave Jason a makeover once. Who would you like to meet before you die? MARK. I am so determined, alsdjfkaj;wek;rj. I just want to hug him and say thank you and ugly-cry. If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? No. Even if I had the body of a model. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The fuckin' flat earth theory, probably. If Heaven and Hell exists, where you going when you die? Well, considering I have an, uh, very negative opinion of the Christian god... Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? My mom. The day she passes is a day I am inexplicably horrified of. What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? My life. If there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? My mom really could use it. Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? I love "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse, but idk if it was actually written for the movie. How old was the first person you kissed? He was 18 when we first kissed. Will you be a strict parent one day? I never want to be a parent. If I hypothetically became one, I don't think I'd be strict, necessarily, but very protective. Last person to stand up for you? Probably Mom, idk. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah, a few. Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My dad. What’s your favorite high school memory? Just... a lot with Jason. Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? I prefer being in a (healthy) relationship, but I won't get into one just for the sake of having one. What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? Hmmm... scuba-dive, maybe? What subject at school did you absolutely hate? Math. Italian food or Chinese food? Italian. I don't really like (most) Chinese food. Do you like to make flash cards when you study? I rarely did that. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? Yes, somehow. Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? No. I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. Ashley. What do you think about Marilyn Manson? He's one of my favorite musical artists, but he's a disgusting dick personally. Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? Nothing, really. I was a very well-behaved kid. Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? Yeah, I have a Canon. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? No. Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? Not every year, but most. Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No. Jalapeños: yay or nay? I loooove them. Did you ever play Minecraft? Nah. My niece is getting into it. Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? I did have one. I wasn't one of those premium members or anything like that; I just had a basic account. Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Bitch me. It's extremely embarrassing. I 100% got it from my dad. What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? The manner through which Jason broke up with me. It left me traumatized. What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? I'd lose a shitload of weight, for one. My teeth would be whiter, my eyes bigger and bluer, I'd want my hair colored/able to hold color far better, I'd lighten and lessen my body hair, make my skin clearer, thin my eyebrows... I'd change a lot. What are your feelings on feminism? MANDATORY. Absolutely necessary in a misogynistic society. However, I do believe some people take it way too far to a point it is anti-man and puts women on a holy pedestal. It is about equality. Describe your first relationship? Perfect, until it wasn't. Describe your last relationship? Wonderful and healthy, but distance and our health were issues at the time. Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? My history with sex is confusing and complicated and I really don't know. Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? Thinking about it... it's probably because of how Simba runs from his problems and bad memories, but returns to confront them and is victorious. That's how I want to be. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I'm nice and clearly sincerely cared about them and their feelings. Do you feel protective over someone? My sisters, nieces and nephews, Sara... What perfume/cologne do you wear? It's called "Blush." Where did your vehicle come from? I don't have my own, but Mom's came from a girl at the dance studio. She ran into a deer, and the front got fucked up, but the sweetheart paid to fix it up to being operable so Mom had her own car. The front bumper is kept intact with zip ties and duct tape, but hey... it works and has for many, many years now, lol. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? Ummmm... I actually don't remember. What is your favorite way to eat chicken? As tenders, probably. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: Red velvet. This year for my bday, our controlling-as-fuck family friend bought me my birthday cake without consulting ANYBODY, and I was so fucking annoyed. It was a very kind gesture, yes, but um, can I have a say, please? What do you wear to bed? Usually men's pj pants and a tank top. What were you doing at 8pm last night? Sleeping, actually. I was extremely tired and went to bed early.

[prosopopeya]

New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go?  food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:  i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s. 

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

[westgateoh]

A scene from a long fic I’m working on. Felt like sharing because Bruce and Jason. Encouragement is helpful if you like it. Thanks for reading (sorry about the spacing)

“What happened?” Batman growled, and the wind of the rooftop swirled his cape around him, like it was whipping him. He ignored it. “You’re favoring your right arm.”

Jason would deny it, but he was using the only arm that worked at the moment to hold a goon by his windpipe against the wall while Bruce zip tied the guy’s hands behind his back. From the whimper Jason heard, Bruce wasn’t taking any chances. “Dislocated shoulder in the fight. I’ll be fine.” He stepped back so that Bruce could shove the guy to his knees and tie his ankles. Jason would be fine, too. He turned to the wall, shoved his gun in its holster, and lined up his shoulder. He’d put his own shoulder back plenty of times. It hurt like a sonofabitch, but he’d done it. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and felt Bruce pull him back from the wall.

“Stop.”

Jason turned to look at him.

“It’s harder to do it yourself. Let me.”

Something in Bruce’s voice was softer than usual, more like a request than his usual demands.

It would be easier to have Bruce do it, so he nodded, and Bruce pulled him a little so that Jason’s back wasn’t against the wall.

He put one hand on Jason’s shoulder and then gripped his elbow. “Deep breath and hold it.”

Jason complied.

Bruce wrenched and Jason clenched his eyes through the pain and then it was done. Bruce still held Jason’s arm. “Better?” he asked.

Jason stared at the gloved hand on his arm, but he didn’t pull away. He just nodded.

“Good. Will you come back to the Cave and let Agent A do a scan to make sure everything’s stable in there?” Bruce was still holding his arm, and Jason couldn’t stop staring at his hand. “Hood?” Bruce says, his voice soft, so the guy on the ground couldn’t hear him. “Are you all right?”

Jason was years away, his vision filled with the memory of the first time he broke his arm on patrol with Bruce, when he was laying on the rooftop in the chill of October as Bruce stood over him, brushing his gloved hand through Jason’s hair and saying, “You’re going to be all right, Robin. It hurts now, but we’ll get you back to the Cave and fix your arm right up so it doesn’t hurt as badly. You’ll be all right.” And Jason believed him immediately, and let Bruce pick him up and carry him down the rickety fire escape to the Batmobile, where he laid him gently in the backseat and then put the car on autopilot so that he could hold Jason’s good hand the whole way home.

Dragged back to the present by the smell of asphalt and garbage from the alley below, he looks up at Bruce. “I’m fine,” he says, and pulls his arm away. “I have to go home.”

Bruce frowned. “Does your current home have a decent med kit?”

Jason brushed off his concern. “Yeah. Tim restocked it for me last week. It probably even has root beer lollipops,” and he didn’t say it to hurt, but Bruce flinched, clearly remembering the jar of root beer lollipops Alfred let Bruce keep in the med bay when they’d found out they were Jason’s favorite. Bruce would sneak them to Jason sometimes when he was sick, like they were carrying out international espionage or something by getting them past Alfred.

Jason blinked at Bruce’s reaction and shook his head. “You need anything else from me here?” he asked.

Bruce let go of Jason’s arm and stepped back. “No. Go home and rest.” He paused. “Oh, and add tonight to your casefile on the Marineli group. I’m certain it’s connected.”

They stood awkwardly for a moment before Bruce seemed to shake himself out of thought, and he took a step toward Jason, who couldn’t help his reaction of stepping back so now he was against the wall. He tried to lean and make it look intentional and casual, but Bruce took a step back quickly, like he knew he’d accidentally boxed Jason in.

“Come to dinner tomorrow?” he asked, and Jason closed his eyes, thankful that the lenses kept the action from Bruce. “Dick’s going to be there.”

“No, thanks,” he replied, and Bruce stiffened. “I’ll check in before patrol if you want, since so many things seem to be overlapping right now.” He paused and looked at Batman standing in front of him – they only had a few minutes before the police arrived at the scene and Bruce really still didn’t want the GCPD to know how closely he was working with the Red Hood, Jason understood that. He looked, though, and saw Bruce reaching out, trying to get Jason home, trying to help him.

It had been long enough since their last big fight, long enough for Jason to see how Bruce was trying to be there for him, trying to get Jason to come into the sphere of the Bats enough for him to want to stay, for them to be a family again. Jason saw that. He even wanted it sometimes, but thinking about things like family made Jason’s skin itch, made his chest tight, and made his nerves sing. Looking at Bruce practically vibrating out of the Bat suit, though, was enough to make Jason stop and think. “You want to get some pancakes?” he asked, rolling his bad shoulder slowly, keeping it loose.

“What?”

“Pancakes. There’s a new diner just outside the Narrows. I’ve been wanting to try it. I could use your ear for the Singali case, too, if you want to talk for a bit.” He could hardly believe his own words, but he found himself holding his breath waiting for Bruce to answer.

Bruce finally nodded. “Give me an hour. I’ll meet you there,” he said, and his voice dropped the Batman growl entirely, and he turned and disappeared over the edge of the roof.

Jason stood still for a minute and finally shook his head. “What the fuck did I just do?” he muttered to himself, and then he made himself move. He needed to change clothes.

Jason ordered a cup of coffee and an order of French toast before Bruce finally got there, sliding into the booth and pulling his faded black Gotham Knights baseball hat a little lower over his eyes. He was wearing a grey hoodie, dark jeans jacket, and torn jeans with green Converse and Jason had to admire his ability to move entirely unlike Bruce Wayne or Batman.

“I ordered already, sorry. I was really hungry,” Jason said, shoving a bite of French toast into his mouth. Their waitress, a tall redhead, came to the table and poured a refill for Jason and a cup for Bruce, who ordered some scrambled eggs and hash browns and a glass of orange juice. Jason asked her to bring him some eggs and bacon, and Bruce hid a smile behind his coffee cup.

Jason raised an eyebrow after she left. “Diner orange juice, B? Pretty big risk.”

Bruce shrugged. “Feeling a little run down. Could use all the vitamin C I can get.”

Jason blinked and swallowed a weird feeling of panic that surged at the thought of Bruce getting sick. The first time Bruce had caught the flu when Jason was a kid he’d been convinced Bruce was going to die and leave him the way his mom had, and he pestered Alfred to take Bruce to the hospital for three days straight and had fought nightmares for a month after it happened.

Bruce was fixing Jason with such an odd look right now that Jason wondered if he remembered that, too. “I’m okay,” he said.

Jason just nodded.

The waitress brought the rest of the food and they ate in comfortable silence for a bit.

“Damian made some hummous at my place last week that was better than any restaurant I’ve had here in the states,” Jason finally said. “Has he been cooking with Alfred?”

Bruce nodded and swallowed his food. “Yes. They’re on a mission to recreate every food Damian can remember from Egypt. The list on the fridge is pretty long.” He paused and added, “Some are more successful than others. Tim added some dishes from Russia that he apparently tried on a trip with his parents as a boy and now it’s a significant mission. Dick wanted to add some Romani dishes, but Damian says they have to master his own list first.”

Jason grinned. “Throw on Pork-n-Beans from Park Row for me when you get a chance. That’s some fancy cooking.”

Bruce snorted and Jason’s own smile widened. They chatted about food for a few minutes, and that led them to Damian’s tastes, which led them to Damian’s pets. Jason’s been wanting to ask about this for a while.

“A cow, B? Really?”

Bruce just chuckled. “God help me, I didn’t mean to let him end up with a menagerie, but it’s a better outlet for him than anger, which usually ends with he and Tim breaking something in an honest-to-goodness brawl.”

“They still fight?”

“Not as much as they used to, but Tim is nothing if not expert at button pushing, intentional or no.” He finished his toast and added, “I think the last time they fought the old Tiffany lamp in the den was the victim.”

Jason’s eyes widened. “And Al let them both live?”

“Their chore list increased a great deal for next month.”

It took Jason a minute to catch up, but when he did, “Tim doesn’t even live there full-time anymore. He still has chores?”

“He does after they broke that lamp,” Bruce said with a shrug.

Jason laughed, and Bruce’s chin snapped up at the sound, like he didn’t see that coming. He grinned, too, after a moment.

When the waitress brought them their bill and they finally wandered out of the diner, Jason realized that they never did talk about their case.

[crpingdeath]

i was tagged by @greatbigstorm thank you babe!! 💕💓

What color is your hairbrush? black

Name a food you never eat: oatmeal bc i hate the consistency 

Are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm. i live in texas and it’s always too hot here

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? eating lunch

What’s your favorite candy bar? tony’s chocolonely. i had no idea what it was until i saw it at the store a few months ago but it’s amazing and i highly recommend it

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? i've been to a few san antonio spurs games

What’s the last you thing you said out loud? idk something to my mom

What’s your favorite ice cream? sweet cream with chocolate chips

What was the last thing you had to drink? gin with topo chico, strawberry puree and moonshine soaked cherries. it was delicious

Do you like your wallet? it’s fine i guess

What’s the last thing you ate? curry with tofu and noodles

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope i'm not working right now so i'm broke

What’s the last sporting event you watched? idk probably a spurs game a few years ago. i don’t watch sports anymore

What is your favorite favorite flavor of popcorn? just plain old salt and butter

Who’s the last person you sent a text to? my mom even though we’re together in quarantine 

Ever go camping? nope

Do you take vitamins? i take b-12 for energy

Do you go to church every Sunday? no i haven’t been to church since i was 8 years old

Do you have a tan? kinda

Do you prefer Chinese or pizza? chinese

Do you drink soda through a straw? only if i’m eating out

What color socks do you usually wear? just whatever i can find in my drawers so they’re always mismatched

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? ....sometimes

What terrifies you? the future

Look to your left, what do you see? a shelf and a window

What chore do you hate most? doing the dishes

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? my cousin bc she lives in australia with her australian husband

What’s your favorite soda? strawberry sprite from sonic

Do you go in fast food places or just hit the drive thru? drive thru when i'm getting food for myself and inside when i'm delivering to someone (i'm a delivery driver)

What’s your favorite number? i guess i don’t have one

Who’s the last person you talked to? my mom

Favorite cut of beef? i'm a vegetarian

Last song you listened to? stand by him - ghost

Last book you read? i haven't read a book in years i hate myself 

Favorite day of the week? thursday bc it’s my favorite tv day..real housewives of nyc and ghost adventures come on lmaooo

Can you say the alphabet backwards? maybe if i tried idk 

How do you like your coffee? hot with a splash of soy milk and iced with lots of soy and simple syrup

Favorite pair of shoes? my ysl boots my mom got me for my birthday a few years ago

Time you normally get up? anywhere from noon to 3 pm yikes

Sunrise or sunsets? i like sunrise but i hate waking up

How many blankets on your bed? one lightweight blanket

Describe your kitchen plates? plain white

Describe your kitchen at the moment? my mom and i stripped the old wallpaper off at the beginning of quarantine and we planned on painting  but haven’t had the money to buy supplies yet

Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?  old fashioned

Do you play cards? no 

What color is your car? it’s not my car since i just drive the one my mom’s had for years but it’s white

Can you change a tire? nope

Your favorite state/province/county/etc? texas. i know it can be a shit hole sometimes but there’s a lot of good too and i really do love it. i've lived my whole life here and idk if i could ever leave permanently 

Favorite job you’ve had? i've only had this one unless you count the 2 days i worked at macy’s and i prefer this job over that

How did you get your biggest scar? i don’t have any big scars but when i had chicken pox i got one on my face first before i knew what it was so i picked at it and now i have a small scar that’s kinda like an indentation right next to my eyebrow

tagging: @feeltwoodmac @touchisthemiracle @giveyouthisgiveyouthat @runnin-with-the--devil @thesoftdance @roberts-dick @junkyardheart @mellowyellowwitch @moonchildwildheart @velvetofyourheart @agnetafrieberg @casual-nostalgia

[annie-banks]

Adore You - Harry Styles (2019) // you’re wonder, under summer sky // All About That Bass – Meghan Trainor (2014) // every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top // Alone Again – Betty Who (2014) // when it rains it pours and you drown me out // Anything Could Happen – Ellie Goulding (2012) // letting darkness grow, as if we need it's palette and we need it's color // Bad Girls - M.I.A. (2012) // leaving boys behind ‘cause it’s illegal just to kill // Bitch Better Have My Money - Rihanna (2015) // your wife in the backseat of my brand new foreign car // Blank Space – Taylor Swift (2014) // darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream // Bloodbuzz Ohio – The National (2010) // I was carried to Ohio in a swarm of bees // Bo$$ – Fifth Harmony (2014) // boss. Michelle Obama. purse so heavy gettin' Oprah dollas // Boy Problems - Carly Rae Jepsen (2015) // I think I broke up with my boyfriend today and I don't really care // Boys - Charli XCX (2017) // I wish I had a better excuse like I had to trash the hotel lobby // Butterflies - Kacey Musgraves (2018) // I was hiding in doubt till you brought me out of my chrysalis // Call Me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen (2011) // before you came into my life I missed you so bad // Call Your Girlfriend – Robyn (2010) // don't you tell her how I give you something that you never even knew you missed // Canyon Moon - Harry Styles (2019) // doors yellow, broken, blue // Chandelier – Sia (2014) // I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry // Cherry - Harry Styles (2019) // I confess I can tell that you are at your best, I'm selfish so I'm hating it // Circles - Post Malone (2019) // we couldn't turn around, 'til we were upside down // C’mon - Panic! At the Disco and Fun. (2011) // feels like I am falling down a rabbit hole, falling for forever, wonderfully wandering alone // C’Mon – Kesha (2012) // feeling like a saber-tooth tiger sipping on a warm budweiser // Cruise (Remix) - Florida Georgia Line ft. Nelly (2012) // she was sippin' on southern and singin' Marshall Tucker, we were falling in love in the sweet heart of summer // Daddy Lessons - Beyonce ft. Dixie Chicks (2017) // it’s your song // Dark Fantasy – Kanye West (2010) // too many Urkels on your team, that's why your wins low // Death of a Bachelor - Panic! At the Disco (2016) // the lace in your dress tingles my neck, how do I live? // Demons- Sleigh Bells (2012) // They're gonna stand em up six by six by six // Diane - Cam (2017) // And all those nights that he's given to me I wish that I could give them back to you // Diane Young – Vampire Weekend (2013) // you torched a Saab like a pile of leaves // Downtown - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Eric Nally, Melle Mel, Grandmaster Caz, Kool Moe Dee (2016) // neighbors yelling at me like, you need to slow down going thirty-eight, Dan, chill the fuck out, mow your damn lawn and sit the hell down // End of the Day - One Direction (2015)// I told her that I loved her, just not sure if she heard. the roof was pretty windy and she didn't say a word, party died downstairs, had nothing left to do just me, her and the moon // Fireproof – One Direction (2015) // riding on the wind and I won't give up // ***Flawless – Beyonce ft. Nicki Minaj (2013) // mayday, mayday, earth to bitches // Follow Your Arrow - Kacey Musgraves (2013) // if you save yourself for marriage, you're a bore. if you don't save yourself for marriage, you're a whore-able person // Formation - Beyonce (2016) // always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper // Forrest Gump – Frank Ocean (2012) // my fingertips and my lips, they burn from the cigarettes // Freaks and Geeks – Childish Gambino (2011) // I have worked all winter, I will not fail summer, in the back of the bush, like Gavin Rossdale's drummer // Gay Pirates - Cosmo Jarvis (2011) // and I hope they didn't tie up your hands as tight as mine. I'll see you on the bed of this blue ocean, babe, sometime // Get Lucky – Daft Punk ft. Pharrell Williams (2013) // the present has no ribbon, your gift keeps on giving // Glory - Bastille (2016) // and then you put your hand in mine and pulled me back from things divine, stop looking up for heaven, waiting to be buried // Good Grief - Bastille (2016) // caught off guard by your favourite song, I'll be dancing at a funeral, dancing at a funeral // Green Light - Lorde (2017) // I whisper things, the city sings them back to you // Grown - Little Mix (2015) // no regrets, it's a lesson learned 'cause what you think ain't my concern // Hayloft - Nickel Creek (2014) // young lovers with their legs tied up in knots // Holocene – Bon Iver (2011) // and at once I knew I was not magnificent // I Believe - Original Broadway Cast (2011) // and I believe that the Garden of Eden was in Jackson County, Missouri // I Like It - Cardi B, Bad Bunny, and J Balvin (2018) // I like those Balenciagas, the ones that look like socks // I Love It – Icona Pop ft. Charli XCX (2012) // you're from the '70s, but I'm a '90s bitch // Judas – Lady Gaga (2011) // I'm just a holy fool, oh baby he's so cruel, but I'm still in love with Judas, baby // Juice - Lizzo (2019) // I be drippin' so much sauce got a bitch lookin' like RAGÚ // Just Hold On - Steve Aoki ft. Louis Tomlinson (2016) // feels like you're standing on the edge looking at the stars and wishing you were them // Laura Palmer – Bastille (2013) // what a year and what a night, what terrifying final sights put out your beating heart // Lemonworld – The National (2010) // I gave my heart to the Army, the only sentimental thing I could think of // Love on Top – Beyonce (2011) // I can see the stars all the way from here, can't you see the glow on the window pane // Make Me Feel - Janelle Monáe (2018) // it's like I'm powerful with a little bit of tender, an emotional, sexual bender // Making the Most of the Night - Carly Rae Jepsen (2015) // baby I'm speeding and red lights, I'll run // Meet Me in the Hallway - Harry Styles (2017) // just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor // Menswear – The 1975 (2013) // well, who's this? going for the kiss, I'm probably gonna yosh in your mouth // Mirrors – Justin Timberlake (2013) // if you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find, just know that I'm always parallel on the other side // Monster – Kanye West ft. Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj, and Bon Iver (2010) // you could be the king but watch the queen conquer // The Mother We Share - Chvrches (2012) // I'm in misery but you can't see, as old as your omens // My Church - Maren Morris (2016) // I just keep the wheels rolling, radio scrolling 'til my sins wash away // N****s in Paris - Jay-Z and Kanye West (2011) // Prince William's ain't do it right if you ask me 'cause I was him, I would have married Kate and Ashley // Oh, What a World - Kacey Musgraves (2018) // did I know you once in another life? are we here just once or a billion times? // Old Town Road (Remix) - Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus (2019) // cowboy hat from Gucci, Wrangler on my booty // Otis – Jay-Z and Kanye West (2011) // luxury rap, the Hermes of verses, sophisticated ignorance, write my curses in cursive // Pineapple Girl - Mister Heavenly (2011) // I am besieged by the vagaries of power. I'm all alone and lonely in this tower // Primadonna – Marina and the Diamonds (2012) // I know I've got a big ego, I really don't know why it's such a big deal though // Pumped Up Kicks – Foster the People (2010) // he's got a rolled cigarette, hanging out his mouth he's a cowboy kid // Radio - Lana Del Rey (2012) // pick me up and take me like a vitamin 'cause my body's sweet like sugar venom // Raising Hell - Kesha ft. Big Freedia (2019) // hungover, heart of gold, holy mess. doin' my best, bitch, I'm blessed // Rivers and Roads - The Head and the Heart (2011) // been talking 'bout the way things change // Royals - Lorde (2013) // we don't care, we aren't caught up in your love affair // S.O.B. - Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats (2015) // I'm going to cover myself with the ashes of you and nobody's gonna give a damn // Satisfied - Original Broadway Cast (2015) // it's a dream and it's a bit of a dance, a bit of a posture, it's a bit of a stance. He's a bit of a flirt, but I'm 'a give it a chance. I asked about his fam'ly, did you see his answer? his hands started fidgeting, he looked askance? he's penniless, he's flying by the seat of his pants // Sex – The 1975 (2013) // and she said use your hands and my spare time, we've got one thing in common it's this tongue of mine // Shake It Out – Florence + the Machine (2011) // our love is pastured such a mournful sound, tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground// Shut Up and Dance - Walk the Moon (2014) // my discotheque Juliet teenage dream // Silly Love Songs - Darren Criss (2011) // how can I tell you about my loved one // Some Nights - Fun. (2012) // this is not one for the folks at home, I'm sorry to leave, mom, I had to go. who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun? // Someone Like You – Adele (2011) // we were born and raised in a summer haze, bound by the surprise of our glory days // Sorry - Justin Bieber (2015) // *dolphin noises* // Spaceship - Kesha (2017) // I knew from the start I don't belong in these parts. there's too much hate, there's too much hurt for this heart // Stars - Fun. (2012) // some nights I rule the world with bar lights and pretty girls, but most nights I stay straight and think about my mom // Stitches - Shawn Mendes (2015) // needle and the thread gotta get you out of my head // Sunflower, Vol. 6 - Harry Styles (2019) // *gasp* your flowers just died, plant new seeds in the melody // Super Bass - Nicki Minaj (2010) // and he ill, he real, he might gotta deal. he pop bottles and he got the right kind of build. he cold, he dope, he might sell coke. he always in the air, but he never fly coach // Take Me to Church - Hozier (2013) // I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins, and you can sharpen your knife // Thank u, Next - Ariana Grande (2018) // she taught me love, she taught me patience, how she handles pain // The Pachanelly Canon - Gentleman’s Rule (2012) // I'm getting pages out of New Jersey, from Courtney B telling me about a party up in NYC. can I make it? damn right I be on the next flight. payin cash. first class. sittin' next to Vanna White // The Wire - Haim (2013) // I just know, I know, I know, I know that you're gonna be okay anyway // Theme From “Cheers” - Titus Andronicus (2010)// I'm sick and tired of everyone in this town being so goddamn uptight, but don't you worry, I'll do all the talking when they turn on the flashing lights // Thieves – She & Him (2010) // I'm not a prophet, old love is in me. new love just seeps right in and makes me guilty // This is America - Childish Gambino (2018) // tell somebody, you go tell somebody. grandma told me, get your money, black man // Trouble - Neon Jungle (2013) // lights up let's have a toke, pour more whiskey in my coke .. Truth Hurts - Lizzo (2017) // you coulda had a bad bitch, non-committal // Uma Thurman - Fall Out Boy (2015) // and I slept in last night's clothes and tomorrow’s dreams, but they are not quite what they seem // Wetsuit – The Vaccines (2011) // with a cool, cool breeze and dirty knees, I rest on childhood memories // What a Feeling - One Direction (2015) // when the air ran out and we both started running wild, the sky fell down // Wilson - Fall Out Boy (2018) // I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color // Wolves - One Direction (2015) // I feel the waves getting started, it's a rush inside I can't control // You Need Me, I Don’t Need You - Ed Sheeran (2011) // melody music maker, reading all the papers, they say I'm up and coming like I'm fucking in an elevator // You’re in Love With a Psycho - Kasabian (2017) // I'm like the taste of macaroni on a seafood stick

Songs that would have made the list were they on Spotify: We Can’t Stop - Bastille // I Love Clothes (Deadbeat Summer) - Childish Gambino //  G.O.O.D. Friday - Kanye West ft. Common, Pusha T, Kid Cudi, Big Sean & Charlie Wilson // Driving in Cars with Boys - Lana Del Rey // Blurred Lines - Vampire Weekend // a number of mashups (Office Musik, What Makes You Da One, Live While We Die Young, Brush Your Bittersweet Shoulders Off, We Are Complicated)

[alyseofwonderland]

Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono​ for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy. 

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly​ who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian​ ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s,  and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono​ BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog. 

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel?  [afronted gasp]

OI!  (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them.  (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character.  Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed.  I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.  

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers.  Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low​

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age! 

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff. 

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.    

[chloe-gayzer]

17. for chlodine 👀👀👀

Okay! Finally posting this!

Original prompt: the one where your soulmate’s name is on one wrist and your enemy’s name is on the other and you have no clue which is which.

(I changed it a touch-- the name appears after you’ve met the person)

[Read it on AO3]

“So, which do you think it is?”

“What?”

“C’mon, China. You had to have noticed by now.”

Nadine sighs. She has noticed, but she didn’t plan on actually bringing it up until after the job. Her wrist has a new little decoration on it: Chloe’s name.

“Ja, I noticed.”

“You weren’t going to mention it?” Chloe seems disappointed. “And here I thought it was supposed to be a magical moment.”

Nadine sighs. Of course Chloe is acting like this. She shouldn't have answered the phone. “I’m sure this happens for people every day.”

“Well, not to me. You’re special, China. You’re my first,” she purrs into the phone. She seems utterly amused at this, rather than tentative or logical. But Nadine hasn’t really heard caution or logic as something Chloe has in spades.

“We have to talk about this now?”

Nadine has no interest in discussing something like this as early as it is; she’s fairly certain on which Chloe is from the options of “born enemy” or “soulmate”. She’s not terribly excited about it-- more nervous than anything.

“Oh? And when can we talk about it, hm?”

“After.”

“After what, exactly?”

“After the job.”

Chloe huffs. “You’re a tease, love, you know that?” She hums. “Can you at least speculate with me?”

Nadine shuts down that line of thought right away. “No.”

She’s certain Chloe would get entirely too insufferable if Nadine passes off the information she has. They have a whole job before them that could take weeks. It could be good. But it could be horrible and awkward. She would rather get to know Chloe more before they figure anything out related to the names on their wrists.

“You’re no fun.”

“How about now?”

Nadine sighs. Seems like she’s been doing that a lot lately. “No, Frazer.” She tosses Chloe an MRE. “Eat something and get some sleep. I’ll take first watch.”

Chloe frowns at the package in her hands. “And what’s this one have?”

“Curried rice pilaf, white rice, and a stamina bowl.”

“I hope it’s good curry… What, pray tell, is a stamina bowl by the way?”

“Broth, meat, and cubed vegetables, for that one.” Nadine tosses her a flameless heater and a bottle of water. “You’ll need to heat it.”

Chloe is completely unimpressed with it. “I swear, you’re taking me to dinner after all this to make up for these damn things. Whether we’re enemies or not.”

Nadine just rolls her eyes. It’s obvious Chloe has never had to subsist on this sort of thing before, but Nadine is well acquainted with many types of MREs. These ones aren’t bad when compared to others. She still gags if she thinks too hard on the “vegetable omelet” she’d gotten in one. It’d been the least favourite of many of the men in shoreline, quickly being nicknamed the vomlette.

“I’ve got others if that’s not what you want.”

Chloe looks half hopeful. “What are my options?”

She doesn’t even need to think on it. “Another type of the one you’ve got, but with a hamburger instead of the stamina bowl. I broke down a Patrol Ration One Man, so we’ve got… Muesli with fruit-- better for breakfast, if you ask me. Mi Goreng noodles and beef teriyaki.” She shrugs. “Some have smaller snacks or spreads with them. Marmalade and what not. But I think I took out the yeast extract.”

Chloe looks up. “You didn’t bring the vegemite when you’re out here with an Australian? I’m wounded.” She puts a hand to her chest as though insulted.

With a shrug, Nadine digs through the bag. “Sorry. Didn’t think on it. It’s good for b-vitamins, but I’m not fond of it so I usually replace it with sunflower seeds or almonds. I’ve got a chocolate bar if you want it, though.”

“You certainly know how to get me back on your good side. Toss it over.”

She does. “Did you want something other than what I gave you?”

Chloe rakes her eyes down Nadine’s form. “Can I say anything?”

Again, Nadine sighs. “Eat your food, Frazer.”

Chloe chuckles and gets to work heating up her food. “Do you wanna talk about what we are to each other  now ?”

“ Frazer .”

Nadine is by the fire when Chloe crawls out of their tent. It's late and Nadine has only been on watch for an hour now.

“Something wrong?” she asks in a low voice.

Chloe shrugs. Her path takes her to a seat next to Nadine on the ground. “Couldn't sleep.” She leans heavy on Nadine's side despite the heat.

“Anything I can help with?”

“Mm-mm,” is the soft response. “Just let me use you as a pillow?”

Nadine should say no. She should usher Chloe back to the tent or at least get her off of her side. But she just lets the woman settle. “Sure you're okay?”

“Yeah.”

They leave it at that, despite both knowing better. It's been a hectic couple of days.

It hits Nadine then, that Chloe is truly her soulmate. That this woman could make her happy for the rest of her life. It's terrifying and exhilarating. Her heart is racing and she wants to say something to Chloe to let her know important they are, but she stays quiet. Now is not the time.

Chloe notices the beating of her heart and the way Nadine stiffens a bit. She's bright red, and Chloe doesn't know why, but she takes it in stride.

“Are  you  okay?”

“... Ja.”

“You sure?”

Nadine shifts to hook an arm around Chloe, inviting her to get more comfortable at her side. Chloe lets out a soft delighted noise and curls against her.

“Get some rest, Frazer. You've got watch in a few hours.”

Chloe happily makes herself at home against Nadine.

Nadine finds no issue with it. Chloe is her  soulmate . She can't help but allow her this closeness, even if it can seem out of character, even if Chloe might call her out on it. It makes her feel good to offer Chloe this bit of softness. Maybe she can do more after the job. Holding Chloe sounds altogether pleasant. Especially when Chloe is asleep. She can't talk and ruin the quiet when she's asleep.

Chloe moves again. She's now half in Nadine's lap with her forehead against her stomach and her arms folded between them. She murmurs something in a pleased tone. Moments later, she's asleep.

Nadine just sort of stares at her for a bit. Chloe Frazer, thief and adventurer, best driver in the business, and Nadine's goddamn soulmate. She's clever and funny and terribly intelligent. Besides all that, she's beautiful as well. She's more than Nadine ever thought she'd get in a soulmate.

Nadine is half in love with her already.

How they didn’t hear that damn vehicle before it rammed the wall, sending Chloe to the ground, tossing Nadine away, who knows.

Nadine tries to get up. She needs to get to Chloe. But a blow catches her in the face before she can do more than struggle onto her hands. She bears the brunt of two more blows: one with the butt of a gun, the other from a boot.

Chloe reaches for the disc, but Asav stops her with a boot on her wrist.

He clicks his tongue. “Oh, look at that. You’ve got her name.”

He picks up the disc, examining the changes. “The eye of Shiva... That’s impressive. My man worked for a week and turned up nothing.”

“Probably hired the wrong expert,” Chloe rasps as she pushes herself up.

“Perhaps.” He uses the side of his fist to bash bricks out of the doorway leading to the aqueduct. “You know… A Hoysala poet once wrote of a young king who showed mercy and thus ended our rituals. But the old kings, they understood that progress demands sacrifice.”

Nadine waits for her moment. She needs to break free. She needs to help Chloe. They’ll kill her-- and maybe with men like these, that’s the better fate than what Nadine might get, but Nadine will fight for Chloe as much as she can and as hard as she can.

“Is that what you tell your men?”

Of course Chloe is being mouthy. That’s who she is. It’ll just get her killed faster.

Asav crouches in front of Chloe. He’s got a gun in his hands. “So which is it?” he asks, curious in that morbid, shit-eating sort of way. “The two of you. Enemies? Or soulmates?”

Soulmates, Nadine thinks, in spite of herself. But Chloe doesn’t know. There’s no way she could.

Asav can tell that from the look on her face.

“You don’t know? Pity. I suppose it’s poetic either way, you two dying here together.” He cocks the gun. “In times of war these aqueducts would run red. Those who would not fight had to be used to inspire those who would.”

He stands and holds the gun to Chloe’s head.

Nadine struggles against the men holding her and breaks free. That’s all the distraction Chloe needs.

More than a half hour later, Nadine is sitting next to Chloe’s unconscious body. She wonders if she should tell Chloe when she wakes, but she decides to leave it for after the job. She just hopes she doesn’t make it too obvious in how she acts.

It’s a soft wonder at Nandi rising from the ground not fifty meters from the tower. It’s an experience Nadine is happy to share with Chloe.

At least, she is until only a moment later.

She feels like she’s going to throw up.

“No-- you  better  be joking.”

“This was my deal-- Sam went ahead to do recon--”

“ Shit .”

“--for me, on the disc, but then he went missing and I couldn’t leave him for dead--”

Nadine can feel anger and hurt and so much more welling up in her. “You knew my history with Sam and then you dragged me into this anyway?” She’s pacing. She can’t believe what she’s hearing.

“Your history with Asav made you the obvious choi--”

Nadine hits her. She shouldn’t but she does. Chloe goes down instantly. She lands on her side and manages to push herself up again, but it’s slow. She’s still hurting from earlier.

Nadine tries not to think about it.

“Don’t hold back or anything,” Chloe says as she pinches her nose. It’s not bleeding, but it probably feels like it should be.

“Oh I did,” Nadine spits.

Chloe takes a slow breath. “You know what, Nadine? This doesn’t change anything-- you’ll still get your share.”

She’s angry. She can’t stop herself. “Yeah? Or maybe you and Sam will cut me out as soon as you get the tusk.”

“Come on, that’s not how I operate--”

“That’s exactly how your type operates!”

Chloe looks up at her, hurt again, but in a different way this time.

Nadine can’t stop herself. “I already knew what we’re supposed to be,” she hisses, pointing at Chloe's name on her wrist. She rips her watch off to reveal another name. “Because the other name I have is the goddamn man you brought me to save!” She stills. “And to think I trusted you.”

Nadine is gone before Chloe can say anything else.

Nadine feels sick. It’s a combination of all of her anxiety about this, the hurt from the lie she’s been fed, and the guilt from hurting Chloe.

She sort of hates herself for hitting Chloe. She won’t say it out loud.

The silence between them is heavy, but Nadine can’t find it in her to break it. Her cards are on the table. She won’t let Chloe get hurt, but… She’s tired. She doesn’t want this.

“Ohhhh no,” Chloe lets out softly.

They move closer to the trapped elephant. If there’s one thing they can do together, it’s this.

“Hey, hey hey hey… It’s okay,” she murmurs out.

“She’s trapped.” Nadine rubs her hand over the great beast’s back. “But I don’t think she’s wounded.”

“Those explosions we heard must’ve triggered the collapse.”

Chloe eases onto the elephant’s back. Nadine follows suit. “Easy girl. Shh, sh… It’s okay.” They push their feet against the column holding the elephant down. “Sorry girl. We’re gonna get you out.”

Nadine wants to be angrier at Chloe, but hearing her talk to this trapped animal… It softens her. She wishes it didn’t.

On the back of an elephant is a strange place to get some sort of apology, but Nadine won’t fight it. Now that she’s calmed down, she wants to repair things, but she doesn’t know how to go about things.

It helps that Chloe starts it.

“Look, I uhm… I’m not very good at the whole people thing.”

Nadine says the truth. She doesn’t really mean it in the worst way, but she means it. “You’re a selfish dickhead.”

Chloe’s voice is quiet. “Yeah. I am. I am a selfish dickhead.”

“Ja.”

Chloe laughs.

“It’s good to hear you say it.”

Immediately, things feel better.

“Hear that, dad?” Chloe says to the little figurine she has. “I did get something from you after all.”

And maybe it’s too much, but Nadine is curious. She asks about Chloe’s mysterious father. It’s a sad story, and one she’s heard before with small alterations. Plenty of childhood friends lost parents who had tried to find their wealth in a risky way. But this man had simply wanted knowledge.

A few minutes later, they pull themselves from the water. They’re both in good spirits now, it seems.

Nadine spots their elephant rejoining her memory. Nadine points it out. They both revel in it for a long moment. It’s an amazing wonder, seeing wild elephants so close.

“Look, about the whole… Sam...”

Nadine brushes it off. She sort of understands, even if she can’t stand the man. “I’ve got my own shit to sort out as well. Let’s not have that stand in the way anymore, eh?”

Chloe looks thoughtful for a moment. “In the way of… Us?”

Nadine takes a deep breath. “Of us.”

Chloe grins wide. “Can I kiss you?”

Nadine flushes a deep red. “Ah… not yet?”

Her soulmate accepts the answer. “Well, would a hug be okay?”

“Ja, I can handle a hug.”

Chloe shoots forward and wraps her arms around Nadine's waist. Nadine cements an arm around her shoulders, the other turning up to bury a hand in Chloe's hair. They're like that for a full minute before they part. Despite the dampness of their clothes, it's warm and wonderful and Nadine can't remember the last time she felt so good.

And when they do part, its slow and Nadine almost regrets saying no to a kiss.

But they'll get there.

Nadine finds she loves watching Chloe figure things out. She’s so smart. Watching her put the puzzle pieces together and come up with something she hadn’t thought of before is something Nadine could do any day of the week.

“It was a symbol of them,” she finally says.

Nadine can hear what she’s left unsaid. This tusk isn’t just a symbol of them, but also a symbol of Chloe, where Chloe comes from. Of her father and all the family that came before him. The connection that was taken from her young is being rediscovered right in front of Nadine.

Nadine notices some small figures along the top of the statue that seem oddly familiar.

“Wait, so what are these?”

She blows away the cobwebs as Chloe turns to her. The figures, they’re… they’re just like Chloe’s. Her little Ghanesh. It’s amazing. It means so much more now, it means…

Nadine smiles at Chloe, but she realizes that Chloe may not think this is something good.

Chloe looks shaken. She takes a deep breath and fits her Ghanesh figure into the one open slot. It sinks a tad until it’s the same height as the others. The others seem to settle as hers does.

Chloe stares at it, almost shocked.

Nadine can hear the shakiness in her breaths, the evidence of her holding back tears.

Finally, Chloe looks up at Nadine. “My dad was here.” Her voice is raspy and thick. “Something big alright… Why didn’t that stupid bastard tell me?”

Nadine already knows the answer. “You said it yourself. He wanted to keep you safe.”

It’s something she can relate to, really. Her focus has been almost exclusively on keeping Chloe safe for the last day.

Chloe turns, lowering herself to a seated position, and just sort of works on holding herself together.

Nadine kneels beside her. She wants to do something, anything, to make her feel better. But what is there to do? Listen, maybe.

“I can’t let Asav get that tusk.”

Nadine nods. Already she knows they won't be seeing much, if any, money from this venture. But she has Chloe, right? Does she need anything else?

“No,” she agrees. “No, we can’t.”

“Thank you.” Chloe's voice is soft. Not weak, just soft. Near inaudible.

Before she can stop herself, Nadine pulls her in for another hug. She should really have more self-control, but this is her  soulmate  in distress right here.

“Thank me after we get out of this alive,” Nadine mumbles.

Chloe laughs. “Fair point.”

Half in love doesn't even come close to what Nadine feels for this woman.

Finally meeting up with Sam is more than disappointing for a number of reasons. First off, it's Sam. Secondly, of course to meet up with Sam, they also have to be found by Asav. Thirdly, it puts an end, for the most part, to the comfort and closeness Nadine and Chloe have been sharing for the past, well, since the elephant ride.

Nadine is completely done with all this. All she wants is to find the tusk, bring it wherever Chloe wants to, and take Chloe on a proper date.

The only benefit of finding Sam is hearing Chloe defend her.

“I trust her.”

And honestly? Sam can shove it. If Nadine hadn't fallen for Chloe, hook line and sinker, Sam would be dead right now.

The fact her soulmate (she still can't get over that, over Chloe) is friends with the other name on her wrists, is annoying, but she can power through his proximity. But only for Chloe. If anyone else asks her to, they're shit out of luck.

Chloe is forced to solve a puzzle for Asav because the man is too dense to get it.

And Asav is a smart man-- as much as Nadine is loathe to admit it-- but she swells with pride when she thinks of how much smarter Chloe is. Or she would, if it weren't for the handcuffs and the worry heavy in the pit of her stomach.

“Professional courtesy” is just a polite way of saying “I'd have left you behind if Chloe wasn't there”. Nadine knows it, Sam knows it, and Chloe knows it.

Nadine notices that Chloe hovers closer to her now. She's the buffer between the two of them, but she seems to want Nadine to know where her loyalty will lie in the end. At least that's what she'd like to think.

It seems likely enough, what with Sam being a third wheel and all.

They get a moment to themselves a bit later. Sam doesn’t have a rope, and they’ll have to climb around to find him.

Chloe thanks her for tolerating Sam. Well, for not murdering him.

Nadine takes a deep breath and gives Chloe a long look. “You're the only reason.”

Chloe seems a bit breathless at the confession. She asks again: “Can I kiss you?”

Nadine is so terribly ready to say yes.

And of course she receives a grin that's ear to ear at the answer.

Chloe shoots forward and kisses Nadine like her life depends on it.

Nadine had only prepared herself for a peck on the lips at most, but Chloe is still Chloe. She drags the kiss out as long as she can, sneaks her tongue in as soon as she can, and uses up every bit of breath they both have before stopping.

Nadine pants, eyes dark with want. “That's more than we should've done and you know it,” she hisses.

Chloe just keeps on grinning. “You didn't set any rules before it, so how could I break any?”

With a roll of her eyes, she sighs. “I--”

“Ladies?” comes Sam’s voice. “You still down there?”

Nadine scowls. Leave it to him to ruin the moment.

Chloe frowns. ”Sorry,” she whispers. “What’s say we keep going? Faster we get the tusk back, faster it’ll be you, me, and a nice dinner, yeah?”

The thought alone manages to cheer Nadine up. “Ja.”

She presses one more kiss to Nadine’s cheek. “Soon, darling. Soon.”

Nadine says it specifically for Chloe. “You should relax. You’ll live longer.”

The look on Chloe’s face is plenty for her to deem it worth it.

It's not long before that rush of warmth is overcome by adrenaline as they're climbing into the helicopter. And even sooner after that Chloe has the tusk in her hands. She passes it to Nadine, their hands brushing. She turns away as Sam tries to see it.

She denies his attempt to hold it, and she moves away.

But then Chloe says something, something impossible, something more than worrying.

“It’s a bomb.”

Sam cuts off in what he's saying. “I-- What?”

Chloe's voice comes softly at first. “Oh my god.” She turns to them and moves closer. “Asav traded the tusk for a bomb.”

Something Orca said clicks in Nadine's head. “Fireworks.”

Sam takes the diagram from Chloe; Nadine only catches a glimpse. “Thi-- this? This is big.”

What does this mean for them? Nadine doesn't know. They need to do something, don't they?

“Yeah.” Chloe's eyes are on the horizon, towards the very city they had started all of this. “Those tracks run right through the city. Through the market…”

Nadine knows where this is going. She can feel it, if she can only get ahead of the thought, stop Chloe-- Chloe is too good. Nadine knows this. She wants, no,  needs  Chloe to be selfish in this moment. She needs Chloe to fit the reputation she's known for. She needs Chloe to walk away.

“We find the nearest town,” she argues. “Notify the authorities.”

Chloe isn't looking at her. “It’ll be too late. If that goes off, it’ll kill thousands.”

Sam chimes in. “And that is a terrible shame but we did get what we came for. I--” He cuts off. Not even he knows what to say.

Chloe picks up a gun.

Nadine panics. She can't see this, she can't, Chloe is her soulmate. She can't lose her. She can't. She won't, she refuses to.

“What? You are not seriously going after that train.” Chloe refuses to even look at her. “Okay, fine-- Fine, you have a plan?”

“Doesn’t seem to be much of a requirement in this organization,” comes Sam's voice.

Nadine turns her attention to him. He's known her longer, maybe he can stop her? “Are you really going to let her do this?

He's defensive. “No, I’m-- she’s got a valid point-- shit I don’t know okay?”

Useless. Of course he is.

Nadine turns back to Chloe. She needs to be louder, make her point obvious, make Chloe listen to her. She'll riot if her damn soulmate isn't by her side at the end of this.

“This is not our fight you said so yourself. Even if you catch that train-- what happens? Disarming the bomb is impossible.”

“You’re right.”

Relief floods Nadine. They'll make it through this.

“Good! Good, so we’ll, we’ll call the authorities and--”

But then Chloe speaks again and the relief turns to dread.

“This isn’t our fight. It’s my fight.”

Chloe's reputation is selfish, self-preserving, and flighty. Why is it now she's none of these things? Why is it now-- They've finally found each other. She and Nadine, they're meant for each other, nothing should part them. They were supposed to have time to figure out what they are and how they'll function in tandem. But now Chloe, selfless, heroic, steadfast Chloe, is willingly getting on this train. It's certain death.

“That bomb detonates in the city, it’ll spark a civil war. I can’t walk away.” Finally, she looks up at Nadine. “I’m tired of walking away.”

Nadine can't handle it.

“You'll die.”

Chloe uses her free hand to grab one of Nadine's. They look at each others wrists, at their own names there.

“I can live with that.”

They're both close to tears. If Sam wasn't right there, Nadine would say so much more. But shouldn't she anyway? Shouldn't she say these things while Chloe can still hear them?

But she doesn't speak up fast enough. Chloe drops her hand. “Hey, save my share of the tusk okay? Just in case.” Her voice is thick, as though she's about to cry.

She walks away, hopping in the driver's seat.

Nadine stands there. Is there a point to her life if Chloe is about to die? Shouldn't she be doing everything she can for her soulmate?

Sam gets in the car before she can make her decision, but it's mere seconds later that she's there.

“Out,” she demands.

Sam gives an exasperated, “No!”

Nadine doesn't even bother looking at him. Her eyes are on Chloe's. “I call shotgun.”

“Fine... I'll sit in the back.”

Chloe gives her an incredulous look.

“What?”

They drive on.

Nadine can’t believe her soulmate is so reckless as to blow their element of surprise by yelling “surprise!” as soon as Nadine has finished saying as much, but then again, this is Chloe.

They could die here. They probably will.

Nadine can’t think about it now, though. She’s too focused and ended the life of the next man to go after Chloe, and the next, and the next. There’s no short supply on them; she’s well aware of the fact most of them see Chloe as the weaker of them. The easy target.

Chloe makes them pay for it.

Nadine can’t help but feel terribly proud of her for it. So many men have underestimated her only to find their death at her hands.

Asav will be the next to fall.

It’s a long time coming, but Nadine is perfectly fine with having a place in his downfall. She’d like for herself and Chloe to survive it, but that’s still yet to be seen.

If they live, she has plans. Certainly not as many as Chloe probably has, but enough for her to have a hard time deciding what would come first.

A shower, probably. She’s having damn fantasies about a proper hot shower.

Nadine has never seen a bomb quite as big as the one they find. She’s never had real need of things like this, and Shoreline-- when it was under command of a Ross-- had no need to deal in this sort of thing.

There’s nothing they can do here, so they move on.

Nadine feels like she should say something to Chloe about what Chloe means to her, but that just might jinx them.

Chloe jumps to a four by four and Nadine is jerked back. She yells out for Chloe to get to the switch house.

And maybe it’s ridiculous, but she’s more worried about Chloe than she is about herself. She hasn’t hit “exhaustion” yet. She can keep going, keep fighting.

But she isn’t there to help Chloe, even if she knows Chloe is plenty capable. It’s an almost irrational fear that something will happen to Chloe while she heads for the switch house. She’s safer doing that, even with men after her, than it is for her to be on the train with Nadine.

Nadine also knows, feels, Chloe will be back. Chloe won’t leave her alone on this train.

She already knows Asav is done for when Chloe is tossed down next to her.

“Soulmates,” Chloe muses out loud. “We're soulmates.”

They're half on top of each other on a crappy little cot Meenu offered them for the night that's tucked away in what's little more than a large closet. Well, Chloe is half on top of Nadine. They're comfortable, all cuddled up. It's a bit warm for it, but they'll check into a hotel tomorrow. For now, they just need sleep.

“You really weren't going to tell me until after?”

Nadine hums. “No. Wanted to get to know you first.”

“And how'd that work out?”

She smiles and rolls her eyes. “Eish. Fine, I suppose.”

Chloe presses a kiss to her collarbone. “I mean, we're in bed together.”

“We are.”

“We're rather attached to each other.”

“Of course.”

“And we're…” She hesitates for only a breath. “Dating?”

“Ja.”

A bit of tension seeps from Chloe's body. Nadine feels her press heavier against her.

“Oh. Good. Wasn't sure if you'd want like, an open thing, or just sex, or what, so… Thought I'd ask. Much better to know for sure.”

Nadine idly traces shapes on Chloe's back with her finger. “Prefer closed relationships. And I've always had a take it or leave it attitude about sex. But… ja. Us dating feels right.”

Chloe snorts. “That makes one of us on the sex thing. Love a good round of it-- can't wait to ravish you, actually.” She chuckles and her breath is hot on Nadine's throat. “I do agree about us dating. Seems a rather banal word for it, though, when we're soulmates. Fuck, I can't get over that-- we are  soulmates .”

“Tomorrow,” Nadine promises. “Once we have a hotel room and a proper shower. Not the less than adequate one we got today.”

“Hm, you do still stink a bit.”

Nadine is about to say “rude” in a mock of Chloe's voice, but there's a knock on the door.

“Yeah?” she calls instead.

“It's me!” comes Meenu's voice from the other side of the door.

She and Chloe share a warm look before Chloe responds, “come in!”

Meenu pushes the door open and drags in a rolled bundle. “I brought you a mattress! So you've got two places to sleep. Just has to be un-rolled!”

Chloe smiles at her from her spot on Nadine. “Thank you, beastie, but we should be fine. We're pretty comfy here.”

Meenu gets a thoughtful look on her face. She's a smart kid, so she's gotta have some idea of what's going on.

“You two are more than friends, aren't you?”

Both women smile at her.

“We're soulmates, kiddo. A lot more than friends.”

Meenu smiles at them. “That’s very cool.”

Nadine grins. “It is, isn’t it?”

[thepilotanon]

Prelude xii

...for a horrific malady {masterlist}

I’ve been super busy with a lot of outside work and life in general, so I hope you will enjoy this chapter and will let me know what you think! Your patience and support really means a lot to me.

warning: minor violence, depiction of death.

It was rare for someone to call Commander Kylo Ren through the commlink, requesting his presence immediately. Not even the General, Captain or Head Officers bothered to alert Kylo for anything else that wasn’t on his schedule and he happen to be one minute behind…

So, when the medical assistant from Starkiller Base’s medbay alerted him while he was officially closing the first section of the superweapon underground, seeing the section on his holopad, the young man didn’t waste another breath as he made his way back to his secluded quarters.

Inside the locked off hallway, Kylo found the remains of the medical droid implanted into the solid wall and the medical assistant keeping distance from Nova, who was huddled in a corner farthest away. His visors only seeing her standing stiff, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, Kylo’s helmet head snapped sharply to the male assistant. The poor creature jumped with fear as the Commander marched right up to him and shoved him against the wall, leather gloves fisting the medical uniform as he stared down to the other. Tears were emerging in his wide eyes and his knees rattled, and Kylo wouldn’t doubt that the nurse would be so close to pissing himself.

“What happened here?” Kylo seethed darkly, lifting the man to his toes by his shirt.

The nurse swallowed thickly, trying to speak. “I-I was r-r-requested b-by the d-droid to c-c-come and...h-help w-with…” The man began hyperventilating, and Kylo eventually dropped him before shooting his hand towards the other’s head. Peeling the frightened man’s mind apart, ignoring his cry, Kylo collected the images and voices of what led up to the situation now.

He found the nurse using the emergency code to enter the hallway to find Nova arguing with the medical droid who was holding out the pill container. Nova told the man that she didn’t need the sleeping pill, claiming that she was tired enough to sleep on her own, and how the droid was refusing to leave her alone. As the nurse was calmly trying to assist, the droid made a move with its other robotic hand to grab Nova’s throat, claiming how she must take the medicine -

A snap from Nova using the Force out of fear from the threatening touch, the droid was shoved halfway through the wall and the nurse fell back in terror. Realizing what she had done, Nova demanded that the nurse called for Kylo. She wasn’t mad or threatening to the nurse, no, but she was a bit surprised by her sudden actions bringing back negative memories. Kylo knew this, and it still didn’t deter his anger about the situation being forced upon her.

“All this over a pill she said she didn’t need to take?” Kylo growled and the nurse sobbed when he was finally released from the painful procedure. “If she says she doesn’t need it, then don’t let the droid force it upon her!”

“H-her file s-says t-t-to keep dosage f-for safety,” he tried to explain. “Withdrawal s-so sudden… It c-could be d-dangerous. W-we will fix it w-with the h-head doctor, I-I-I swear, please!”

Seeing the weak man offer the pill container, Kylo held still for a moment before snatching the bottle from him. “Get out.”

The nurse fled as quick as possible when the sliding door opened, and Kylo didn’t hesitate to use the short time frame to Force lift the remains of the med droid and throw it out of the hallway. The door eventually closed, sealing away the shocked faces of officers and BB units beeping curiously to the corpse of the medical droid. Punching his code to the panel to override the lock to keep anyone out, Kylo turned back from the closed door and made his way over to the still woman leaning against the opposite side.

Nova wasn’t shaking or behaving off, just irritated and upset by the ordeal she went through. As soon as Kylo stood in front of her, she pressed her face into his clothed chest and gripped his cape tightly. Tilting his helmet down to watch her, Kylo brought his free hand up to rest between her shoulder blades, making her exhale stressfully. He could feel her exhaustion when she projected it to him, letting the weight of his palm on her back attempt to soothe her temper.

“I do not want to take the pill,” she said. “I’m already tired. I’m too tired to take it, I do not need it.”

“You heard what he said, Nova,” Kylo tried to reason with her as serious as possible. Sneaking the hand from her back to tilt her chin up, he observed the slight shadows under her sparkly eyes and how tired she looked. “Decreasing the dosage that suddenly can affect your health, if you don’t do it properly.”

Kylo has noticed her becoming tired more easily as of late, often returning home with him and not having a desire to eat all of her dinner. Usually, Nova was very excited to consume all of her food, but now she had no enthusiasm to eat nearly half of her portion. When she used to wake at the early morning cycle with no problem - sometimes even before Kylo - was now replaced with Nova struggling to wake up easily or requesting him to let her have another moment to close her eyes. She also has been using her silver whistle during training more often, and lacking her enthusiasm in sparring with others or with him in meditating. A bit slow and jerky, Nova had slowly showed her changing behavior through the past week and Kylo had been keeping an eye on her about it. He knew of the common symptoms of the everlasting snow blizzards causing people to become depressed and tired with the constant darkness and lack of fresh air, and he wondered if Nova was having the same issue. Kylo had requested her food portions to provide more vitamins and nutrients for her immune system, but with her lack of eating…

“Come along, love,” Kylo urged softly, his voice modulator crackling with his gentle tone. Bringing his hand down to take hers, he led her to the door that brought them into their quarters and to his side of the room. Having her sit on his bed while he removed his helmet to put aside, Kylo knelt down in front of her with his knees on the floor.

Nova yawned and rubbed under her eyes sorely, looking to the single pill with absolute disgust upon seeing it in his hand. Kylo followed her gaze and rest his other hand on her covered knee, his thumb brushing the curve as he looked at her with careful eyes, giving her patience and his sole attention.

“You need to take the pill tonight and get some sleep,” he spoke to her carefully. “I will send a message right now to the medbay doctor to change the dosage to reduce the sleeping medicine this very instant, but I need you to take this one tonight to keep flow for the withdrawal. You haven’t been feeling well lately, so please understand how serious this can be if we’re not careful. Do you understand, my darling?”

Sighing, Nova nodded with a small pout. “I scared that man, but I didn’t mean to...I’m sorry I broke the droid, Kylo.”

Taking her hand in his, he pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. “Don’t worry about it, alright? It was just a stupid hunk of metal with terrible programming. Let me run you a warm bath to calm down before taking the pill.”

Kylo did so, letting her sit in the heated water to wash the stress of the day off and change into comfortable sleepwear. He had to get her to take the pill with her last attempt to refuse, giving her the glass of water and kissing her forehead as a reward when she swallowed the nasty medicine with a sickly expression. Pulling the blankets back and taking off his shirt for his turn in the refresher while Nova tucked herself in, Kylo turned for only a few minutes before finding his woman completely passed out with just her feet under the blankets. He was careful to brush wet strands out of her face, frowning when she didn’t flinch or react from the unexpected touch to her cheek. Not even within five minutes of consuming the pill, this was perhaps the quickest he has seen Nova asleep from the effects.

Taking a deep breath, Kylo brought the blanket up to her shoulder to ensure she was warm and comfortable before standing up. Sensing her Force signature seeming to cling on to his, he told himself that he was going to keep the refresher door open, incase she needed him for anything until he would join her in bed.

Monitoring Nova as soon as he would wake up from his habitual sleeping pattern, Kylo kept himself more close to watching her constant as possible, and keeping himself open to her presence. He would greet her carefully with gentle hands and a soft voice, letting her know that he was there while tracing the visible purple-colored veins emerging under her eyes and holding her shaky fingers against his cheek when she would return the gesture. Kylo would ask her how she was feeling as often as possible throughout the day, keeping mental note of the progress as the messages from the doctor approved of the reduced dosage and a new medical droid delivering the modified pills accordingly. He made sure she would eat the foods that provide vitamins and drinking fluids, yet there hasn’t been much improvement.

Watching as Nova blew the whistle between her lips from the board room above, Kylo made sure that she was provided with fresh water during her training with the stormtroopers. She was a lot more mobile today than usual, promising him that she was fine to direct the cadets better than sitting to the side and pointing things out - although he assumed it was because he informed her that he was shortening their own personal training sessions, and she didn’t like that. He couldn’t read any projections from her, much less sense anything off emitting from her or requesting access. Kylo had often had to approach her physically to remind her of his presence, as if she blanked out for a moment and forgot.

Still, as he followed an officer on a overhead balcony over the training area, his head was turned to keep his eyes on his significant other as she waved her arms to direct two stormtroopers into position, switching them to show her how their fighting patterns have improved from last time. He was only pretending to listen to the chattering officer on information to the next section of the construction plan he already knew way before, only doing as his scheduled told him to, as it was written by his Master.

Yeah, Kylo wasn’t paying attention to the officer.

Nova saw something with the two stormtroopers that made her blow her whistle for them to halt immediately. Getting up from her crouched position and making her way over, Kylo watched her speak with the whistle dangling from her lips between the two, with small hand gestures to their shoulders and abdomen in direction…

The stormtrooper holding a sparring staff was unknowingly projecting worry, making Kylo halt in his steps immediately. There was something wrong, and it was directed on the subject of the woman mentoring the group of EN Units.

Listening in closer to the one’s thoughts, Kylo heard the other verbally point out the dazed look in Nova’s eyes and the precipitation forming visibly on her forehead. Seeing her seem to slouch to one side for a split second, Kylo’s shoulders squared as he narrowed in on a set of stairs to hurry to her aid as he recognized the early stage of passing out. The officer who was speaking to him finally noticed the lack of the Commander behind him, turning around to call for his attention.

Kylo shoved the officer out of the way and ran towards the stairs when Nova collapsed to her knees, the stormtroopers nearby catching her arms to keep her upright.

“We have you all nice and hooked up to this tool called and IV,” the male doctor, Antona, explained to Nova as she was reclined in bed, lifting and dropping her whole arm that had curious tubes and patches sticking to her skin. Chuckling at the woman’s curiosity from the moment she woke up, the dark haired man was careful to halt her from fiddling any more by hovering his hand over her own. “Please, do not play around with it. It is helping provide extra fluid and medicine to you without you needing to consume anything.”

“It’s feeding me?” the apprentice asked with a disbelief look in her tired eyes. The doctor nodded and the woman trailed her eyes up the clear tube to look at the bag filled with clear liquid and the different machines monitoring her heart and breathing levels. “I don’t need to take any more of those gross pills?”

“Not while you’re in the medbay, Nova. Is it alright for me to call you that?” Doctor Antona asked politely at her level, kneeling down all while Kylo sat on the other side of the medbay bed she was stationed into, on a chair close to her. Kylo wasn’t touching her, his helmet keeping his stare on the doctor to see that he does the same as well; so far, his impression on the doctor was neutral. He was kind to Nova and made sure she was comfortable in the new environment, and he was sure to keep in contact with him as soon as he was instructed to leave.

Doctor Antona was someone to trust, and Nova also knew that and shared that thought with him through the Force.

Nova nodded, and it made the doctor relax. “Thank you, Nova. Now, I already have a new blood sample that I am going to study personally, just to see if there is anything unusual going on that the droids and nurses are not picking up. We have been having cases of head colds and flus among the stormtroopers, so this may just be a minor issue, with you being up-to-date with all your vaccines. I will alert the Commander accordingly to anything I may do and ensure you also give me consent; I understand that you aren’t quite comfortable with people in the medbay, but I assure you that it will only be me, my assistant and smaller droids.”

“Not the droids that will want to give me medicine…” Nova spoke warily.

Doctor Antona shook his head. “These will only come in periodically only to check the machines, to update your file, and let me know if there is any sudden changes. They won’t touch you without your permission.”

The room’s door slid open and a woman with freckled skin, red hair and wickedly green eyes, wearing a similar First Order MB uniform to Doctor Antona walked into the room. She only spared the Commander a short, respectful nod of greeting before the standing man beckoned her over closer, all while Nova openly stared at the quiet woman.

“Nova, this is my assistant, Mara,” Doctor Antona introduced. “She will have access here to tend to your IV and any other medications you need to feel better, alright? Do not hesitate to request for either of us, should you need anything, otherwise the machines will alert if there is an emergency.”

“Your IV will be changed to provide you with the proper dose of sleeping medicine, as Doctor Antona prescribed soon, hopefully, within the next hour to give you enough sleep while you take in more fluids before testing,” Mara spoke with a neutral voice, and Kylo wondered if she would be patient and kind to Nova as her superior was. He couldn’t sense much from the redhead, making him wonder if she was from the training facility not too long ago before being taken under the doctor’s wing. Still, he was more focused on the patient than to meddle into other people’s heads at the moment.

Looking to the Commander, Doctor Antona dipped his head to Kylo. “Sir, should you need any sort of update on Nova’s condition at any time, you can look into her file through the holopad after visiting hours. You have complete access, as requested.”

Kylo gave him a single nod before the two medical professions made their way out of the room. Waiting until the door closed, Kylo turned his helmet to see Nova gazing curiously back up to the IV. Her thoughts bubbling with an idea, Kylo sighed through his nose and reached to rest his gloved hand on her bicep to pull her out of her thoughts. Once Nova turned her cheek his way on the pillow, she pretended that she wasn’t feeling as ill as she truly was and gave him a soft smile.

“Don’t think about playing with that,” he warned her, his vocoder making it sound more threatening than necessary, yet the woman just shrugged. “I mean it, Nova. Don’t make me come here in the middle of the night cycle, because you ripped all the IVs and patches off.”

“I won’t… I don’t think I’ll like sleeping here, though,” she admitted with a small frown, looking away from him. She was still dressed in her sleeveless uniform and still had her boots on ontop of the bed. Kylo knew what she was saying, having been on the beds and cots before and dreaded his time on the hard mattress and oddly-smelling blankets. The sheets were itchy and the room reeked of disinfectant and latex, a very uncomfortable combination. Nova had denied being stripped, not really wanting anyone to remove her clothes and see the hidden horrors on her skin to strangers, yet she projected her thoughts to Kylo on how she wished he would hold her instead and bring them both back to their quarters for solitude and low lights.

His thumb tracing a very faint scar on her arm, barely visible, Kylo leaned his other elbow on the edge of the crinkled bedding. “I know, Nova, but this is for your health. I would rather have you come back comfortable and healthy, and not falling down again.”

Despite her ailing complexion, Nova’s cheeks went red with embarrassment as she refused to look at him. Kylo reached over, sensing that no one was aiming to disturb this room or coming anywhere near the room, and gently turned her head to look back up to his empty mask. Getting up from his reserved spot on the chair, Kylo bent his back forward as he carefully touched the rim of the top visors with her forehead and the tip of her nose on his mouth cover. All while she finally kept her eyes on him and staring where his eyes would be, her mind poking him at how she wished his helmet was removed so she could kiss his nose or cheeks, making him smile a bit behind his shield.

“If you behave and get better, you may give me plenty and receive even more to make up for lost time,” he told her and she was quick to smile again with a joyful spark in her eye that made his heart flutter. “Relax now, and I’ll come to see how you are in the morning. They will be bringing the IV containing the sleeping medicine for you shortly.”

“I won’t like sleeping without you by my side, just to let you know. I’ll do it, but I will not like it,” Nova stated to him when he slowly pulled back, and he nodded. “And you will come see me as soon as you can?”

“I will reach out to you through the Force, if should your file show any signs of you being stressed or uncomfortable.”

Kylo read over Nova’s medical file that was being updated as a feed every half hour, as the droids checked in on her IV and machines that checked her heart, lungs, brain pattern and breathing. He had the screen lit up on his bed while he sat on the floor with the next process of construction that he would leave in the middle to go back to the Supremacy, maps of the underground system Kyber mines and machinery that would be shipped down.

It was the second night since Nova’s admission to the medbay and Kylo had kept to his promise in spending his early mornings and late evenings to see her and keep her entertained in a professional setting. Knowing that the two still had to keep their relationship a secret, he had to settle with mental conversations and shared images while she remained on her back on the uncomfortable bed. He couldn’t see much of an improvement, even though Doctor Antona has claimed that she is taking in her fluids perfectly healthy, and yet the shadows under her eyes were still evident and her smiles remained tired. The blood sample Antona had was still in the process of being studied by him, apparently having found something he hadn’t seen before on Starkiller Base, and would alert Kylo as soon as he had answers.

‘It can’t be anything threatening, if she’s completely conscious like she is. Her vitals from the machines are all healthy, which is a very good sign,’ Doctor Antona had said assuringly to the masked Commander earlier, still promising to keep working on the sample while Mara went to change the IV bag periodically.

Nova didn’t complain a bit about her physical comfort, just smiling to Kylo and teasing him to take off his helmet for her own amusement. He could sense she was a bit sore sleeping on her back, and ordered one of the droids to bring an extra pillow for her back, which Nova puffed her cheeks as he stuffed it under her. Despite her sickly appearance and extreme lack of appetite, she seemed perfectly healthy to him and just wanted to go back to their quarters. Mara had to remind her, rather blunt and serious, that Nova was to remain in her position until Doctor Antona says she may be discharged.

At the end of his evening visit, Kylo promised her that he will be keeping track of her progress and bring her something to amuse herself with the next morning. The woman only sighed in response, nodding her head before mumbling how she just wants to share a bed with him again. Kylo could only suffice her needs by touching his helmet with the curve of her forehead and brush his gloved hand to her cheek, promising her that it will come soon enough. It didn’t seem to trick the other apprentice as he had hoped, yet she nuzzled him back briefly before he left.

Everything was fine. That’s what everyone was telling Kylo with honesty, and he could sense it in them as he dug a bit to ensure that they were all telling the truth...

Still, it wasn’t going to stop Kylo’s eyes from darting periodically to his holopad.

Zeroing in on Nova’s Force wall still surrounding the quarters, Kylo pushed out to find Nova from across the Starkiller Base. He released a soft breath when he felt her signature instantly reach out to his and held on in a excited leap, melting against his Force signature rather affectionately as it told him that she was currently asleep. Minding the time of the cycle, the Commander was glad that the woman was sleeping, allowing his Force to embrace hers carefully as he went back to reading the files of the head of construction carefully. Still dressed in his uniform, his helmet off to the side, Kylo Ren flipped through one construction set before finding the file he was suppose to look over. Being able to only get through one file before there was a alert on the pad near the door, stealing his attention, the task was forgotten.

Frowning, the young man got to his feet and approached the pad to see someone was requesting access into the private hall. Swiping the screen, Kylo’s eyes narrowed as he saw Doctor Antona waiting with a tight line on his lips while outside the other door.

Leaving the quarters, only helmetless from his uniform, Kylo opened the locked door and looked down to the doctor jumping out of nerves. The Commander decided to ignore the panicked look on his face and stood there, waiting.

“Doctor Antona,” Kylo eventually spoke as the older man swallowed and took a deep breath.

“Commander Ren, I have information of the blood sample I took from Nova, and need to speak with you as soon as I possibly can,” he said in a whisper, despite barely anyone out in the halls at this time of night.

Narrowing his eyes, Kylo sensed the doctor’s panic, yet he couldn’t place it anywhere specific without causing discomfort to his target. Eventually taking a step aside, Kylo allowed the doctor to enter through the threshold before closing the door sharply.

“Start speaking,” Kylo demanded.

“I have found something unusual from the sample; something that should have not been capable to catch from the Supremacy nor from Starkiller Base. It appears that Nova has contracted a very rare virus that is said to be extinct,” Doctor Anatona fretted quickly. “If I haven’t heard of it before, then there would have been an even greater damage done to her, if we do not act soon.”

“What?”

“Long before either you or I were born, there was a airborne disease that only targeted beings that hold abilities, such as the old Jedi Knights,” Antona began as he pulled out a bacta pump filled with murky, dark fluid from his doctor’s coat. “It would kill the victims within a few days, but, from my studies on Nova’s sample these last couple days, she has had it for more than six months…”

Kylo’s nose scrunched with fury as he glared at the bacta pump in the doctor’s hands. “And what is that suppose to be?”

“The vaccine, sir. I was able to swipe some chemicals from the medbay lab and bring it to my own personal unit, along with Nova’s sample as an antibody. It’s enough to sustain her and stop the virus before getting her into a tank,” Antona spoke quickly. Looking to the Commander, it was obvious that he was trying to hurry with the explanation. “This will kill the virus in her body, but she needs it now before -”

The lights inside the hallway shut down, swarming the two in pitch black darkness that scared the doctor into silence and the Commander to lift his head up to look around. It was odd to him, as if the presence surrounding the quarters was different…

Kylo couldn’t sense Nova’s Force signature.

The overhead speaker clicked on, and Kylo’s frown deepened to a more expressive state as the monotone voice of a droid emerged. “All certified squad units please report to stations. Starkiller Base on lockdown, this is not a drill. All certified squad units are to report to designated pin and ready at Section I-J, Number 1-8-9-1. Starkiller Base on lockdown, this is not a drill.”

“Section…” Kylo snarled as he slashed his hand out to force the chrome doors open with a aggravated hiss. Antona jumped at the sound as the red lighting of the backup generators for the lockdown hummed to life while the Commander stalked out of the hallway in a fast pace.

The doctor was quick to follow after the young man as they trekked nearly halfway through the main base towards the medbay; stormtroopers marching and cluttering the closer they got until they passed the main entrance of the desk to see the damage.

Dead nurses and doctors littered the wreckage of the secluded medbay unit, and droids shattered to nothing but bolts and electric screws. The hallway was messed with broken glass and dented walls, as if someone rammed themselves against it, and the called units were busy scrambling to carry off the deceased and see further into the situation. Kylo didn’t pay them any mind as he marched through and made a direct line towards the one room he cared for, all with the doctor calling behind him and the stormtroopers trying to stop him.

Nova’s room was borderline unrecognizable. The bed was flipped over and crushed like an aluminum can and the IV bag that was once connected to the patient appeared to have exploded, now dripping the fluid from the bent pole it was hooked on. The machines were sparking electric sparks from the exposed wires, making a dangerous hazard to any exposed skin coming close to it. Kylo’s bare eyes scanned the room with blazing fire within them, his chest starting to rise and fall rapidly as he pushed his Force out to find the missing patient…

Everything was scattered. Nothing was right. Danger. Fear.

Someone was scared. Someone was lost and so, so afraid.

Nova.

“Doctor Antona, sir,” a officer called out to the dark haired man appearing to be bewildered by the state of the room. “We have checked the holorecords and found that the patient inside the room went rogue, yet the machines assigned to this room still shows that she is asleep.”

“Where is she now?” Kylo interjected in a low voice, not turning around as both men glanced his way.

A second too long passed, and the officer was slammed against the wall right outside the room and pinned with his feet dangling desperately. Antona froze as Kylo turned around and snatched the bacta pump out of his hand as he approached the officer, prying deep into his mind to find the images and words he needed:

Target broke from the emergency exit near 5-8-9-1, headed into woods with unit following tar...

Target not responding, must use immediate action to...

Lost contact with units following into blizzard...storm interference, perhaps? Waiting to hear -

“As soon as you hear from the units, you will command them to fall back immediately,” Kylo instructed darkly, dropping the officer before glaring back to Antona. “You will see to what happened here, and await my call. You answer to no one else.”

“W-what will you do, Commander?” Antona asked, his brows furrowed with concern.

“I’m going after her alone. I’m taking the vaccine with me.”

“Commander Ren, the Base is in lockdown, you won’t be able to get out or return inside to any of the main buildings once it’s official,” the weak officer tried to stop him, yet Kylo walked right passed him. “It’s too dangerous! The blizzard!”

Following the numbers towards the exit she went through, Kylo began feeling the sudden drop in temperature as he approached the gaping hole that remained one of the once locked exits. It was as if it was peeled apart, and radiated an unhealthy amount of Force used to break the heavy and hard material. No stormtrooper ever stopped Kylo as he marched through to the outdoors, ignoring the stinging in his cheeks and nose as he kept pushing through the heavy snowfall towards the woods, the snow up to his knees and wind trying to force him back as the alarms continued to echo through the storm.

Grinding his teeth, Kylo kept going as he registered the distant pain and suffering happening deep in the blizzard.

Fun fact: Doctor Antona is an official character in the Star Wars video game franchise. Nova’s medbay number is also a homage to Indiana Jones with the release year backwards (I know Galatic Basic isn’t like the English alphabet, but I don’t care c:)

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