#do you feel that pain inside you
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ssreality · 2 years ago
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In another life. In another life...
Why can't it be in this one?
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hoofpeet · 29 days ago
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Cow skin is so thick I feel like it would be kinda hard to tattoo a minotaur honestly. Mayhaps there could be like a small subculture of minotaurs that get brands instead tho
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uncanny-tranny · 2 years ago
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"The only person who can save you is yourself, don't rely on anybody else!"
Actually, what has saved me is books and my favourite video game and my cats and my friends who I've shared late nights and too-early mornings with and the dew-covered grass I walked on on the way to a competition bus in ninth grade band and the sunburn that kept me out of school for days the month prior.
I understand the viewpoint of how you are ultimately the person who can save you, but don't discount that you aren't an island. You aren't meant to be your sole savior. Let others save you, too. You are worth the care and love the universe has for you.
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jadewritesficshere · 4 months ago
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Steddie x female!reader thought 18+ only
Eddie blinks his eyes a couple of times to make sure he is actually seeing what he is seeing. He must be living in a nightmare.
You're laying back on one of the pool loungers. One leg dangling over the edge keeping your foot on the warm cement ground, the other spread over Steve's lap as he absently rubs his hand up and down it while he bitches to you about something from work. Your hand rubs up and down Steve's back in comfort. But that isn't the nightmare.
Your bright red bikini bottoms covering enough, but with your legs spread a bit more skin is shown then intended. Spread in such a way that makes Eddie want to just dive in. Get on his knees and worship you, rub his face over your mound as he licks and nips and sucks. Moan as the curly thatch of hair brushes against his face.
Except the curls of hair he is expecting to see peeking around your bikini are gone. Just smooth bare skin. And that isn't the only nightmare. Steve's chest is smooth like when he was in school on the swim team. Not a speck of that beautiful chest hair Eddie would curl into after getting hot and heavy. Not a single curl of the "love rug" he jokingly called it.
Eddie wants to weep. To throw himself down like a little kid and thrash his arms and legs around. Yeah, it's your body and you can do what you want, but he still is sad its gone. Eddie doesn't like change, and suddenly walking in to see both of his partners change something without any warning? Uncomfortable. It makes Eddie feel itchy.
Eddie can barely speak as he walks over and sits next to Steve. He doesn't respond to Steve's warm greeting. Doesn't respond to you asking how the day is. Just stares with big wet eyes at the sight in front of him. A pout on his lips.
A warm hand lands on his shoulder, gently squeezing. Steve's brow furrowed in concern, your wide eyes blinking at him.
"Shaved?" Eddie asks in a quiet voice, eyes darting to Steve's chest and then your clothed pussy. Steve lets out a huff of laughter, "Fuck, thought something was wrong man." Eddie glares," It is."
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vaguely-concerned · 1 month ago
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walking through lucanis' mind prison. the tam lin of it all
#his mind keeps changing forms and you just have to show him you won't let go of him#it doesn't even really matter what you say to him just that you're consistently there to say it. your voice is a comfort. im in pain#I'm having so many feelings about like... rook can't be here. because of all things in the world rook means 'safe'. what if I exploded#what if I just shattered into a thousand pieces and was swept away by the wind actually#'it's better that I stay here than risk losing you' is such pitch perfect trauma logic. freeze logic specifically#on some level he seems to think he keeps rook safe like. existentially. by staying here#it's heartbreaking child magical thinking that makes me wonder like. has he basically been in a place like this inside#ever since his parents died? before that? the ossuary is just new set dressing the underlying logic is OLD. and very very sad to me#'I keep everyone safe by staying here'#(and then the perfect hilarity of having an actual demon be like 'ROOK. YOU TALK TO HIM HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME'#tfw your inner demon gets worried enough to stage an intervention and get you therapy whether you want it or not lmao)#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#rook x lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rookanis#rye staying mostly in gentle professional mode for this one b/c this is literally his training#('I may not be batting a hundred at being a person but I DO know how to deal with fade shenanigans! not to worry I've got you')#except in that last part with the illario mind ghost where he roundaboutly admits 'I need you I don't know how to do this without you'#in rye speak that is very big it's like. third base of his soul or something. we do not ask for things for ourselves in this house#(because we already know we will not receive anyway so that sounds both humiliating and ultimately pointless. no thank you!)#and yet. the things we'll admit for love#the feeling that some of the things varric did for rye immediately post-exile rye is paying forward with lucanis now. don't look at me
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transmechanicus · 8 months ago
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Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.
#my stuff#i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks#like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy#hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month?#can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control#can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me?#and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone#so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks#im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better#i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up#cause i can see that happening#i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something#and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends.#and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you#i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once.#and that's not me. that's not who I want to be.#i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.
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faaun · 4 months ago
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the way that diff languages sound r so fascinating they're all different and all so vivid
#russian is like the surface of a feather like it's light but not exactly “soft” but still very delicate#german is . cute ? i think it's adorable . it has a lot of momentum it makes u wanna talk fast and talk a lot#like it's squishy . sleek surface w a soft inside#thai is like song . it's like interprative dance or maybe a trust-fall . everything follows from the previous thing#it feels like a little fairy flying up and letting itself fall and flying up again and so on (for fun). its so beautiful but also playful#mandarin chinese is like . idk why but it gives me the same vibe the concept of Observation does . like to read and to see and absorb#and then to translate that into smth else . like . imagine a poet people watching or an artist preparing a canvas w practiced hands. thats#the vibe. soft and elegant and musical but like...in a way that feels lived-in. arabic feels wise ? like music or poetry u read#and feel nothing about then years later u stumble on and it applies to everything in ur life. that kind of vibe. like it knows more than u#and itll make sure ur heart and soul grows as big as its lexicon . polish is like snowflakes falling . it has the feeling of complexity and#elegance but it's also so so light and slippery and...maybe not elusive but the feeling of losing a dance partner in a waltz ? like fun and#light but also an underlying elegance and somberness still . turkish is like the feeling when u get a text from ur crush#and your heart tightens and you cant tell if it's really painful or really amazing . it feels like unrequited love . or a caress#or making out with someone when you know its the last time you'll see them. its beautiful in a yearning longing way#korean is like joking around w ur friends and you've stayed up until like almost 5 AM and youre so delirious that everything is funny#and ur speaking kind of lightly and openly and everything you say holds a lot of weight and doesnt matter at all. you laugh at everything#and youre practically talking in inside jokes and watching the sunrise together . one of them hits u on the shoulder lovingly. ur by a fire#yoruba feels like the metatheory of the matatheory . abstraction until it circles back to intuition or maybe#it feels like plotting the route of a comet or maybe like the soft warm whirr of statistics. trying to verbalise beauty somehow#when you know the best thing you can show it is by telling everyone just look!! look at the sky just look!#anyway yh i think i could do this for every language ever tbh
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mrmeepsmadmind · 14 days ago
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SOCIETY KEEPS KILLING ONE OF THEM BCS THEIR FRIENDSHIP WOULD BE INCAPABLE FOR GALAXIES TO HANDLE !!!!!
#theyre actually the same height but cliffjumper's pedes are made for climbing leaping causing pain to others#so he has spikes that sheath and unsheath from the soles and he keeps them out pretty much all the time which gives him height#fuzzy fat bumblebee and ANT#cliffjumper#i want cliffjumper sounds just like Miss SecondOpinionson but monotone & says everything like it's a fact#he keeps a permanent judgemental and suspicious expression and will tell you all of his surface level judgement of u#which js A Lot as he is Very observant and skeptical of Everything#mirage loves him bcs he doesnt play nice. he tells u how he sees it when he sees it#meanwhile bee is mewing from the amount of hatred secretly boiling inside him & is constantly changing himself for others#when they have time to reunite as old best friends .. the girlies have fun which means cliff is smiling for once & bee is not#everybody feels bad for bee when they see this bcs they think cliff is boring him or something & ruining his good mood#but actually bee is having the time of his life venting finally abt all his 'mean thoughts' which are just His thoughts but he cant say that#and cliff loves violence & is uncomfortable with social etiquette upkeep so of course hes indulging#i need the world to stop pitting my girlbosses against each other like just get creative with their designs lol#characters can have depth without merging personalities together into 1 and killing off the other half to cover up ur stealing lol#bee def has anger issues too but it's an after effect from his overthinking backfiring#while cliff has anger issues that flares b4 actions due to not wanting to think in favor of pure Doing#i think they are lovely foils which should be explored and can be done rlly interestingly if they were friends#who keep getting pit against each other by life but refuse to lose that friendship .. it's just a little cracked now.. & keeps cracking#bumblebee#transformers#maccadam
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virsancte · 3 months ago
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you wouldn’t think having a good time would be so goddamn hard
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qaanngi · 22 days ago
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Adding some extra Flavour™ working out the logistics of the abundance of scars my Rook has. Initially, I thought maybe the Antaam ambush the de Riva background has, but in-game dialogue paints it going pretty well — 20:1 ratio Antaam to her, an opportune ambush, Varric being among the prisoners ready to be transported. A single Antaam dwarfs my Rook by being twice her size in height and width lol so I don't doubt they would get hits in. Chose the body scars with the huge set on the chest and abundance of back scars. And arms. And legs. I'm thinking some Antaam, or the Antaam commander got a good chest hit in enough for her to struggle or pass out once the adrenaline left and she got everyone out.
But it's more deliciously fucked up if all the very intentional back scars (because the game makes them noticeably darker than the front ones) are from the Crows. Punishment for stepping out of line. Complain as he might, maybe Viago did his best to advocate for leniency instead of death, so a brutal lashing and banishment from the whole of Antiva was the lightest he could get for her without coming off as soft/weak for the little Crow under his wing. Varric steps in to offer a job to take her out of the city, which works perfectly. Viago sends that iconic letter.
Writing home to recruit Lucanis is something Rook says is a bit rocky. Rook says she couldn't possibly disappoint the Crows more when talking with Lucanis. She brings up Viago repeatedly in conversation, but her first exchange with him when coming home is as bitter as she can fit in before it's Business as Usual.
Such a horrible, brutal system, but he is family.
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xamaxenta · 8 months ago
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Feeling absolutely horrible gut wrenching imposter syndrome in regards to being trans like
The fact i haven’t bothered to do anything about my dysphoria or anxiety about dealing with it means i dont want to transition when i do and idk what to do and its so hard in this country where its very conservativr snd gblsjfbf
Basically trans experience sucking rn i feel like a huge loser and really gross in my own skin
But idk im terrified of having to speak to a fucking doctor about this because i always feel like theyre not gonna believe me.
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anthromimicry · 4 months ago
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#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#okay but this made me laugh so hard just because of how much it reminds me of misao JSJSJ LOL because she has had like casual 'flings'-#with people and is an addictive personality as i've talked about here once which includes her being a love junkie + getting into-#relationships with people because she is in love with the IDEA of being in love though falling in love with someone can't just happen-#like magic as it involves a bunch of hormones and stuff but misao kind of somewhat hopes that this person of interest to her will somehow-#complete her life anyhow which... yeah can definitely raise a few problems as people with a love addiction often attract love-#avoidant people because both of these types of people generally have a fear of being abandoned and controlled.#but whenever it comes to love-avoidant individual's they're also emotionally unavailable so 😬#it's unfortunately kinddd of a recipe for an unhealthy relationship that could very well lead to the both of them being in a bad place-#once they break up as misao as a love addict is constantly seeking out new love in particular as a lot of excitement and good feelings-#come with this particular type of love in particular. so yeahhh - i know that this may be a bit of a weird picture to do a meta to but-#SHHH lol i just thought it could possibly relate to her more long-term relationships that she's had with people as misao-#tends to avoid feelings of vulnerability with people as you may all know and so this leads to both her + the other person not really-#knowing what they are BC they haven't really established that deeper connection even though they've been together for a while.#not to say that i'm trying to blame misao for having problems with opening up or anything like that but she has a very disorganized-#attachment style i think and that leads to her often doing this continuous 'push and pull' thing in her romantic/sexual ships#where one moment she will want to be attached to the hip to them but the next she will be cold and distant from them.#so yeahhh. misao is honestly kind of like what i've said barton is before: a cake inside of a cake because i feel like she's got sides of-#herself that she doesn't even know about because she's been scared of being fully emotionally vulnerable with someone for a while now sadly#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.
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swordmaid · 23 days ago
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THINKING in the ascended astarion x reformed oath shri'iia (unsure abt that name will workshop it but she basically gets her oath back) route that she does not love him exactly. she's simply pouring her previous worship and reverence for lolth onto him, and he's now the subject of her devotion but it's not exactly love. she does not love him the same way oathbreaker shri'iia loves spawn astarion where it's something personal and selfless, and loving him is a choice she is actively making. in this route she thinks there is no other choice but to worship him and with lolth gone she wants to feel that devotion again since it's her safety net. she thinks that's all she's made for, and in a route where she reforms her oath and rejects pursuing self freedom i think that idea will get validated over and over at the course of her journey hence why she comes into that conclusion. and i think that's where the resentment starts too, considering how ascended astarion is so insecure of himself that he's basically overcompensating his whole existence. like the subject of his affection not actually loving him despite the fact that they're bound together by blood, and that he's giving her himself and the entire world if she wanted but that in itself is not enough because she doesn't know how to love in a way that he wants her to. she doesn't know how to love him in a genuine way because she's never known such a thing, and he would not know how to love her in a selfless manner either when the basis of their relationship as spawn and master stems from his own selfishness of wanting to keep her forever. but i do think they'll enjoy each other for some time like maybe for a good amount of centuries, but it'll inevitably go up in flames once he starts getting bored of her and the insecurity of the fact that she doesn't love him will eat him inside. for shri'iia's part, she wants him to stay the way he is forever (and for their relationship to stay the same) but the moment that he changes, or look for someone new will inevitably set her off because that's not what he promised her, and she can't lose her source of devotion again because she's nothing without it. there's no room for change or growth for the both of them bc of the circumstances of their relationship and their vampiric selves (how they're in a permanent stasis as immortal beings) reflects that too
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 6 months ago
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one thing i realized about fandaniel's dynamic with xande that really fucks me up is, like.... there are the obvious parallels that canon draws between meteion and xande, and their roles in hermes/fandaniel's lives. and there are also the parallels between fandaniel and meteion. there's a lot to unpack.
but it hit me recently that one of hermes' deepest, most devastating regrets is having failed meteion, with abuse and hypocrisy and the project he had the authority to make her a part of.
he was painfully aware that he wasn't fit to be a father; that he'd put them in a bitch of an unsatisfactory situation with his lack of foresight; that he was currently fucking things up in ways he did not know how to understand or articulate, much less address. he knew that there was no support system for this; not just for his mental health issues in general, but to educate him and hold him accountable about how to be decent to her, because he knew no one would give a fuck. the closest thing anyone would have given him to advice would be to just kill her and start over.
he says he hopes she'll find a better parent out there in space somewhere, because he knows there is not one to be found for her anywhere on this star, including him. she was one of the most helpless, vulnerable people in their society, and there was no backup for her if he mistreated her, if he failed. and he did.
so of course his next attempt to find a meteion would be an emperor. of course he'd be at the very top of the most powerful empire in the world, at the time. of course he'd position himself as his servant, devote himself to him utterly, and value his authority above all. he wanted someone he could never hurt the way he hurt meteion again.
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#ffxiv hermes#ffxiv meteion#ffxiv fandaniel#ffxiv amon#anyway. kill me. just fucking kill me#they hurt me so bad#ffxivtag#FF tag#to dyn#abuse cw#honestly it's one of the things that makes hermes and meteion stand out to me among#'abusive parent under massive pressure with a lack of access to education or support; who feels guilty about it and is trying to fix things#narratives#which usually end up pushing my buttons hard#for one thing the majority of the time the parents in these narratives *absolutely do* have access to those things#and just refuse to actually seek those resources out; so they can keep abusing while avoiding responsibility for it#and while actively fishing for pity and sympathy over being abusive; muscling the victim's pain out of the way; in-narrative or out#'we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!'#hermes really and truly did not have *anywhere* to turn about this that he could trust#even more often than that though the thing that really fucking gets me is that the abusive parent is *always* shown to take out their guilt#by *blaming and punishing their victim for showing signs of the abuse*#because how Dare you inconvenience me by being traumatized and how Dare you be helpless living proof of what i have done#hermes does not ever *ever* blame or punish her for things that make him feel guilty and that he does not know how to fix#and that does not make it The Good Acceptable Kind of Abuse by Comparison(tm); it is *far* below the bare minimum#but it makes me feel some kind of way.#endwalker spoilers#dyn: fish inside a birdcage
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babacontainsmultitudes · 1 year ago
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80 or so years of life really ain't enough can I have an elf lifespan instead please? Or at least a dwarf's... I need at least a couple hundred years... Oh and a new spine every 5 or so years, if that's not too much to ask. 3. 3 years actually. Yeah, a new spine every 2 years, and a lifespan of 350-750 years, that's all I want really.
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shima-draws · 1 year ago
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Currently feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, hope you all are faring better than me lol
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