#do you ever like legit nobody would care if you up and disappeared or even want you back. this is probably just my paranoid thoughts getting

[somuchbetterthanthat]

Not to randomly write about bbc merlin abruptly at the tail end of 2023 or anything, but i had a sort of dream and now i need to write something or it'll turn into my head all day

but like, wouldn't it have made SO MUCH MORE SENSE if, in season 2, Merlin had not listened to the dragon and told Morgana that he had magic? Because 1. they're friends, and at this point why would Merlin suspect Morgana to ever turn evil? 2. it allows them, for a few episodes, to be genuine allies about this -- Morgana trust Merlin enough to come back to Camelot because she believes that together they can change things in the inside, and you can even had wacky hijinks where Arthur is persuaded that Merlin and Morgana ARE fooling around and he's like "good lord man do you WANT to be beheaded"

but then of course Morgana starts to get frustrated with Merlin's way of doing things; Morgana meets Morgause, and Morgana wants Merlin to approve of her and Merlin is like "no" and Morgana gets annoyed because does merlin WANT to help sorcerers, or is he happy being Arthur's shadow and will push everyone else under the bus for him? and then you can have the actual events that happened and that i don't quite remember because it's been like, what, ten years since i watched this show. Anyway. Point is, Merlin ends up poisoning Morgana and Morgana disappears, then reappears a year later determined to bring Merlin down, or, at least, knowing now in her mind that Merlin has been corrupted by his love for Arthur and will never shake the status quo, and hating him for that.

And so THEN it would make so much sense that next time the dragon is like "oh this one will be evil" about Mordred, Merlin BELIEVES IT; because he didn't for Morgana and look how that turned out! I mean i guess you could also do the reverse (Merlin trust the dragon the first time, Morgana turns evil but he considers it a self fulfilling prophecy and his fault so when the dragon says mordred is evil he goes "fuck off" and befriend him and Mordred still brings doom at the end, but i feel it work better the other way around ngl)

ALSO ALSO ALSO ALSO, instead of 1. the horrible s4 plot with Gwen and the fake magic love triangle nobody helps her with, and 2. Merlin's magic being revealed on the last episode,............. You could give the s4 plot to Merlin, sort of. Everything is going well, and then Arthur discovers Merlin has magic, but because of Morgana shenanigans he believes Merlin is /scheming/ with her/evil sorcerers, and the thing is, he /can't bring himself to trial Merlin for magic/, which would mean direct execution, so he goes for betrayal and exile him, and Gwen comes to tell him goodbye and promise they'll fix it and she legit doesn't care about the magic and Merlin smiles sadly but he thinks he's ruined it; maybe he even thinks Morgana was a bit right -- although they're a stubborn voice that says /he didn't trial me for magic/ and then, adventures, stuff, magic, reunion, big moment of friendship and devotion and declaration of love, and then we can enter s5 for a "new age" where arthur and Merlin work together to bring magic back to Camelot properly.

[beevean]

I think Frontiers has such low replay value for a few reasons:

While you can traverse the islands non-linearly, there is legit just very little that rewards your curiosity. There's no cool hidden items that you can find if you search for them, at most a few pretty places you probably would have gone to anyway if you want to complete the map for 100% each. So once you've gone and fully completed each map, you've basically seen it all already.

The game can be rather rail-roading: on Chaos Island, for example, there's a few smaller islands you can basically only ever go through in the same one or two ways. Picking the wrong way will bring you to a place where you don't need to go to anymore. Good luck if you can't find the correct paths, though, because it is very difficult to make out just where the heck rails and the like lead you.

Talking about the items: there's like... five, six of them total to be found on the map? You've got the attack and defence fruits, the Koco, the memory tokens, Experience Points, rings... and that is basically the gist of it, even if I feel like I'm forgetting stuff (which is not a good sign at all, since that means it is forgettable). It gets very boring very quickly to have those be the only things you ever find. To bring back BotW, if you went out of your way to go explore the game usually rewards you with a strong weapon or useful item... because it's got hundreds of weapons and items you can collect. Not just a mere six or so on the islands, who eventually become moot anyway if you've fully upgraded Sonic and his skill tree.

The world is just empty. There's legit nobody interesting to talk to, other than perhaps Sage and Sonic's friends, who disappear afterwards from those spots. And furthermore, they have the problem that you can go through their developments completely unhingedly depending on where you find them, so you can easily have Sonic and Sage chat cordially on the final island and then go back to the first and have her be blunt and rude instead. I would have liked a 'good ending' where Sonic helped his friends and Sage through taking the time to talk to them fully on each island before going to the next and a 'bad ending' where he did not do that, but alas...

So yeah, overall the replay value is low because once you've put in some effort on your first run, there is nothing that rewards you for doing more. Everything you get is the same constantly, and if you went and 100% completed the maps and talked to everyone the first time, there's just nothing new to be found on new playthroughs.

Btw I should add that the game has such poor replayability to me that I haven't even picked it up despite the various updates throughout the year already, so maybe things have become better and I just haven't noticed them yet. Maybe😅

As always, huge W for ShTH, King of Replay Value ��️

I'm starting to think that it's not my issue if I can't watch a playthrough of the game without getting bored lol. But more seriously, it's a shame, because Sonic games have usually high replay value, through their level design with multiple routes or the ranking system, or exceptional cases like Advance 3's gimmick.

Sage was really wasted. Her interactions with Sonic are 99% "you will die" "how?" "go fuck yourself I'm not telling you", until we're supposed to care about her and her NANANANANANA. A sidequest where you have to make the effort to befriend Sage? Teach her what a loving relationship is, making her realize that Eggman doesn't actually care about her like she hoped to? And maybe unlocking her as help during the final boss? It would have been something new and interesting! oh well.

(also yeah I read that part about Khaos Island. It doesn't sound fun. Why rail road part of your open world like that?)

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Oh, I love the idea of added mental trauma to Ingo after his bond with chandelure snapped. And it was probably a hit to chandelure too, meaning that on top of everything else in the wake of Ingo disappearing, Emmet has to take care of chandelure, who took a massive hit. Is it bonded to both brothers? It'd make sense for them to have a singular bond, Ingo for chandelure, eelektross for Emmet, but also I just love the idea that in the game there's no distinction between Ingo's pokemon and Emmet's, and here that's true too. Like a four way conduit. But then suddenly Ingo is violently ripped from the loop, leaving them all kind of fucked up, but of course Ingo most so. Sneasler probably helps with that, it's not the same as the bond(s) he had before all this, but it's stabilizing. If he's had a familiar bond or bonds for a long, long time, and having a familiar rewires your brain after long enough, then he might actually need a familiar now.

Cyllene's bond wasn't healthy in any way, but if she had it long enough for it change her, then re: abra, it could be that she's subconsciously looking for a stabilizing bond, even though she's also adverse to it because of her terrible experience with it. Perhaps abra latched onto her and likes her best not just because she interacted with it first, but because it could sense that she was basically free real-estate? Her brain and soul were more appealing because, to use pla terms, her heart was already open. Nice and cozy already, like a pre-furnished apartment. I don't necessarily think abra would think of it like that because it's so baby, but just instinctively cyllene feels better or more comfortable to it than someone who already has an active bond or who's never had a bond ever. Wait are the abra line basically blink dogs? But on top of being able to teleport any gear attached to it, if it has the magic boost from being a familiar it can also teleport places with people. Which would be a pretty appealing reason to bond with it for cyllene, even though she's reluctant to, because it's a good way to get them kids out of harm's way

if a sudden loss/suppression of a familiar bond is destabilizing (mentally/emotionally/magically/etc), that might even be another reason for irida to want to seal ingo's magic. if he legit can't control it as well (without a familiar, but they don't know that's the driving factor atm.) though idk if that's what you were thinking, vs it being more of a physically draining thing than a destabilizing one.

either way tho. i do think the idea of some kind of interconnected loop is fun here... it would be beneficial to all of them with that increased power boost, with basically no downsides unless. this happens. which nobody could have really anticipated. and now they're all suffering equally for the loss. or maybe it's more of a triangle, with just chandelure and the twins, since she's the one that gets shared between their teams mostly iirc. i guess this raises the question of. can you have more than one soulbond at a time. or is it sort of a one-time deal. or maybe you can theoretically have multiple, but it's such an intensive commitment most people don't go over 1, 2 max.

yeahhh abra as an emergency teleporter!! which would be super helpful esp. if akari is as big of a target as it seems like she is, since cyllene can rely on abra to vwoop in-grab her-get out if she ever gets caught (as long as they... know where she is.) that's definitely a space magic thing too, which opens an interesting link btwn it and irida maybe. (if irida can teleport i think it's very short-range or it requires a looot of setup on her part, almost more of a ritual spell than anything else, to target a specific place. most of her domain is in like, navigation/orientation. she's very sinister vs. abra's more dexter fast-teleport.)

i do think it would also be interesting if soulbonds are a thing that weighs on magic in particular, and cyllene's loss of one (or, moreso the scars that come with that) mean she can't use magic as effectively anymore. she's still a very deadly swordsman, of course, but that's another reason to hide her ley lines, if it creates an expectation that she should be able to do spells she really can't. at least, not until abra comes along, which is a fun power-up (esp. if having the link with abra rather than a dragon means that her magic is slightly different than it was before, and more uniquely her own than just swordguard magic.)

[avaantares]

UPDATES AND ANSWERS for anyone who hasn't seen the follow-up posts (which, after ~55K notes, is probably most people, since I don't have that many followers):

Some of these are in response to questions that I keep getting asked over and over. Others are in response to frequently-occurring replies/reblogs/tags (sorry if I've missed your question; with tens of thousands of notes coming in, I literally can't see everyone's post responses on my Activity tab):

In the case of my story (and others that I know were reported), Amazon took down the plagiarized book within 24 hours of my reporting it.

No one but the actual author can file a removal request on Amazon, sorry. If you know of a fic that has been plagiarized and the author hasn't shared contact info/social media, the best way to let them know is probably to leave a comment on the story.

AMAZON IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PIRACY. Amazon is an automated marketplace where users can list things to sell, just like eBay or Etsy, and there is no live person on the other end tasked with vetting every single one of the hundreds of millions of items to make sure they're legit. There is no "plagiarism filter" or "book researcher" or whatever that should have caught this when it was uploaded. You're allowed to dislike Amazon for their business practices, labor policies, or many other legitimate reasons, but in this specific case they aren't the ones at fault.

Setting your fics to "registered users only" on AO3 will not prevent people from stealing them. Thieves can make a free AO3 account just like anyone else. Someone capable of programming a bot to crawl a fanfiction archive can probably also figure out how to register for the site so their bot can hide behind a registered user browser cookie.

Leaving your fics eternally unfinished will not prevent people from stealing them. There were multiple stories on the Plush Books page that were unfinished (I checked their status on AO3 when I was contacting other affected authors). Thieves don't care if the story is actually done; they're in this racket to grab a quick buck and then disappear before anyone can complain.

As it turns out, some of the stolen works were harvested from other fanfiction archives, such as Fanfiction.net, in addition to AO3. Anyone who has ever posted a story online should keep an eye out.

As it also turns out, there is no consistent profile determining which works were pirated. Some stories are long; others are short. Some had many kudos; others had just a few. Some were marked as complete; others were still unfinished. As near as anyone can tell, the selection process is random.

Yes, I'm aware that the cover art to the example I posted is also stolen. As several people have recognized, it's the DMC5 game menu background (my fic that was pirated is a DMC story). Many of the other books on the Plush Books page also used stolen game/movie/etc. art.

No, it is not legal to sell fanfiction, stolen or otherwise. No, it is not legal to use commercial game art as cover art without a paid license. BUT ALSO NO, the IP owners aren't going to bother prosecuting anyone over this. Lawyers are expensive, and even if the court awarded the plaintiff damages based on the number of infringing books sold, that would probably add up to about 1/4 hour of billed legal time -- it's just not worth it for them. Legally, an IP owner has to protect their copyright in order to maintain it, but that can be a simple matter of a C&D or takedown notice. Nobody's going to bother going to court over this -- which is exactly what the thieves are banking on; it's a relatively low-risk enterprise. (Related: Please stop messaging me to get in touch with Capcom and jointly sue the publisher. So many legal issues there, starting with requiring Capcom to make a legal statement on fanfiction. Do not open the Pandora's Box of defining "transformative" in court.)

AO3/OTW have been aware of this situation since it started, so there's no need to tag them in future reblogs.

When I put this post up three weeks ago, Plush Books had listings for hundreds of stolen fanfics on their Amazon publisher page. As of today, there are only eleven fic titles left on their page, so you all did an amazing job getting the word out to the fanfiction community! So many people contributed to the effort, whether it was by messaging authors, helping build the database of stolen works, or just reblogging and tagging friends. Thanks to all of you who helped! (If anyone wants to try to track down the authors of the remaining eleven stories, the book list is here).

Fanfiction Authors: HEADS UP

(Non-authors, please RB to signal boost to your author friends!)

An astute reader informed me this morning that one of my fics (Children of the Future Age) had been pirated and was being sold as a novel on Amazon:

(And they weren't even creative with their cover design. If you're going to pirate something that I spent a full year of my life writing, at least give me a pretty screenshot to brag about later. Seriously.)

I promptly filed a DMCA complaint to have it removed, but I checked out the company that put it up -- Plush Books -- and it looks like A LOT of their books are pirated fic. They are by no means the only ones doing this, either -- the fact that """publishers""" can download stories from AO3 in ebook format and then reupload them to Amazon in just a few clicks makes fic piracy a common problem. There are a whole host of reasons why letting this continue is bad -- including actual legal risk to fanfiction archives -- but basically:

IF YOU ARE A FANFIC AUTHOR WITH LONG AND/OR POPULAR WORKS, PLEASE CHECK AMAZON TO SEE IF YOUR STORIES HAVE BEEN PIRATED.

You can search for your fics by title, or by text from the description (which is often just copied wholesale from AO3 as well). If you find that someone has stolen your work and is selling it as their own, you can lodge a DMCA complaint (Amazon.com/USA site; other countries have different systems). If you haven't done this before, it's easy! Here's a tutorial:

HOW TO FILE A COPYRIGHT COMPLAINT FOR STOLEN WORK ON AMAZON.COM:

First, go to this form. You'll need to be signed into your Amazon account.

Select the radio buttons/dropdown options (shown below) to indicate that you are the legal Rights Owner, you have a copyright concern, and it is about a pirated product.

Enter the name of your story in the Name of Brand field.

In the Link to the Copyrighted Work box, enter a link to the story on AO3 or whatever site your work is posted on.

In the Additional Information box, explain that you are the author of the work and it is being sold without your permission. That's all you really need. If you want, you can include additional information that might be helpful in establishing the validity of your claim, but you don't have to go into great detail. You can simply write something like this:

I am the author of this work, which is being sold by [publisher] without my permission. I originally published this story in [date/year] on [name of site], and have provided a link to the original above. On request, I can provide documentation proving that I am the owner of the account that originally posted this story.

In the ASIN/ISBN-10 field, copy and paste the ID number from the pirated copy's URL. You'll find this ten-digit number in the Amazon URL after the word "product," as in the screenshot below. (If the URL extends beyond this number, you can ignore everything from the question mark on.) Once this number has been added, Amazon will pull the product information automatically and add it to the complaint form, so you can check the listing title and make sure it's correct.

Finally, add your contact information to the relevant fields, check the "I have read and accept the statements" box, and then click Submit. You should receive an email confirmation that Amazon has received the form.

Please share this information with your writer friends, keep an eye out for/report pirated works, and help us keep fanfiction free and legally protected!

NOTE: All of the above also applies to Amazon products featuring stolen artwork, etc., so fan artists should check too!

[erodasfishtacos]

has harry ever come before yn? and how did he react to it

warning: um this is straight up filth, sorry (not sorry)

CEO!H

-

“Baby, c’mon,” He huffs in frustration, his thumb slips once again because she’s just so wet for him.

“M’trying!” YN bites back, “You’re expecting me to come in two seconds all because you got yourself worked up by rubbing your dick on my tattoo.”

Harry can’t deny even after a few years of the ink being on his wife’s bum doesn’t make it any less hot to him.

It takes one more harsh pump of his hips before he’s groaning and coming, his fingers faltering on her bud once again.

YN is whining - these displeased, spoiled little noises that prickle the skin on the back of his neck and grit of his teeth.

“Y’sucha god damn brat,” Her husband spits out, not even enjoying his release because of his impatient, perfect wife.

“M’not,” YN retorts as she flips onto her back and lays down, not even disgusting her pout.

“Out of the hundreds and hundreds of times I’ve fucked you and made sure y’finished first - the one time y’dont you want to get all huffing and bent out of shape.”

YN squints at him, because he’s not wrong, she chooses to bite back with a bit of attitude, “Well you had some clumsy fingers tonight.”

Harry barks out a laugh, spreading her legs roughly, and muttering, “I’ll fuckin’ show clumsy fingers.”

Then continues on to make her come twice if his fingers along just because.

-

MLBrry

“Oh my god,” YN giggles loudly when Harry curses as he spills inside her - legitimately after only about three minutes of being in her.

“Shut up,” He whines, ego bruised a bit as he pulls out with a look of betrayal at his already softening cock, “Y’looked so good in m’jersey at the game tonight. Flauntin’ y’tits like tha’.”

YN smirks widely, turning around from where he had her bent over their bathroom counter, “I know, I saw how many times you had to ‘adjust’ yourself in your uniform.”

Harry hauls her up until her bum’s on the cold marble and her legs are spread to show him where she’s dripping from him.

“Can’t help it. It’s nearly impossible not to come the second I’m in you,” He pouts, it was the truth - usually he had amazing stamina but every once in a while his body was a traitor.

YN let’s out a quiet sigh when he tucks two fingers back inside her, twisting and curling in the way that make her toes crinkle.

“You amaze me. I’ve given you four babies and y’still as horny as ever,” YN giggles pleased and confident because of her husband’s constant want for her.

Harry pushes forward to lick into her warm, sweet mouth before he’s resting his forehead against hers and watching his fingers work into her perfect heat.

“Only horny f’you, mama. Course s’just for my wife, m’so fuckin’ in love with you. In love with your body, this beautiful thing has given us our babies - how could I not be obsessed?”

YN comes panting in his mouth and a smug smile on her face when he hardens back up against her thigh in the process.

—

Deaf!Harry

Harry’s lips are bright pink and swollen, his narrow hips pushed against the tiny counter in the frat bathroom as YN kneels in front of him.

“Baby, baby, want to fuck you. If you blow me I’ll come,” He signs in warning, attempting to coerce her into standing up but she doesn’t budge.

Her hands are quick on his belt and skinny jeans, letting his thick length rest towards his tummy as she leans forward to lick at the head.

He wasn’t joking, right as she suckles harshly on the head with her hand stroking the rest - he flexes and released with a loud loud moan.

“Didn’t know my mouth was that good,” YN gestures as she stands up with a teasing lift to her lips, thumbing a lose drop.

“You know when you grind on me it gets me going,” He accuses to justify his short span, “Don’t act like you don’t come in a second when I have my mouth on your clit and three fingers up in you.”

YN swallows harshly at the dirty talk, startling when someone bangs on the door, stating the need to use the toilet.

“I’m totally telling Niall you came in legit two minutes,” YN signs before swinging up the door and disappearing into the crowd - leaving behind her flabbergasted boyfriend.

—

Vamprry

“My leg is cramping, H,” YN complains noisily as he keeps her leg lifted a she fucks in from behind as they lay on the bed.

Harry is so so close.

His annoying little creature wasn’t going to find her end because of a god damn leg cramp.

“Bat, just let me - oh fuck,” Harry snarls loudly as he can’t control himself any longer, fucking harshly into her a few more time before he comes.

Ad soon as he’s lowering her leg, he’s met by her displeased, grumpy whimpers that make him want to bite her until she’s limp or kiss her sweetly - sometimes he can’t tell which.

He drops her leg, planning to finish her off but she pushes his hand away which has him baring his fangs and snarling fiercely at her.

“No, I’ll finish myself,” She grunts, rolling onto her back and propping up her legs, one hooked over Harry’s thigh.

Every time he tries to reach over to help as she rubs quickly and precisely at her bud with short puffs of air - she smacks him off which makes him hiss angrily as he watches on.

“You’re like a million years older and you can’t control yourself still?” YN teases breathlessly as she feels a ball of fire start to pool in her stomach.

Her grin gets wider when his eyes blacken and his lip curls completely back to reveal his glimmering white canines.

“Pest, you are not doing it correctly. Let me make you come,” Harry demands with agitation, his hands clenching to not just grab her.

“Shut up,” She snaps back, two fingers rubbing in languid circles that have her hips bucking - it really shouldn’t turn her on that her vamp boyfriend is threatening her with his fangs.

“I rarely ever come before you. Please little human, you are annoying me and I wish to make you come now,” Harry tries to use a more gentle tone.

YN finally gives in, letting him take over with his own fingers, two tucking inside and his thumb right on her nerves.

His fangs ascend back into in gums as he admires his squirmy mate who is restless until she tense and releases on his hand.

It’s only a matter of second before she is coaxing his fangs back out - because she loves to torment him, “Better luck next time champ.”

“Enough,” He growls at an ear-shattering volume before he’s biting at her mating mark to get her to submit.

Works everyday.

—

Influencer!H

Harry was getting himself overly worked up, as soon as YN pressed record for a little something that she could watch when she had to leave tour for two weeks.

“Honey bee, c’mon,” Harry rasps, voice as deep as it goes as he sits in the armchair in their hotel room - legs spread and feet planted on the floor.

“Hold on, just want a shot of this,” She replies, he was so fucking hot - couldn’t grasp that this man was her’s sometimes.

He had a firm, lazy grip on his cock - thumb circling his extremely sensitive tip every so often which made him shutter.

“Slower, tease yourself,” YN murmurs as she films him, watching raptly as he slows down his strokes but fucks up into his hand.

“Want t’be in you, bee,” Harry tells his with a wrinkle between his eyebrows as he twitches in his palm.

“Then listen to me,” She orders in a voice she rarely uses - a authorative voice that has Harry moaning as he squeezes himself.

“M’listenin’, I promise.”

“Stop,” YN replies, eyes following when he releases his grip and it sways before resting on his taut belly - pink and swollen.

She props the camera on the desk, shimmying down her underwear, and straddling him on the chair - letting herself sink down.

“Oh fuck - baby, m’gonna - bloody hell,” He moans as he comes within seconds, hand squeeze her plush hips.

His forehead is sweaty, lips puffy, and YN is so pleased with him, whispering that he’s so fucking good for her, she can’t wait to watch it when she’s away.

-

Cheating!H

“Y’takin’ it so good, darlin’,” Harry grunts out, teeth gritted and hand grasping her jaw to keep her mouth against his.

YN was in a mood tonight.

“C’mon, we don’t have much time before Anna comes looking, H,” YN goads coyly, her plush hips digging into the counter where her bum is pressed against.

“Hush up, pup,” Harry scolds, biting at her swollen bottom lip before hiking her up a bit more to hit her spot right on.

“She’s gonna be so bummed, y’can’t get it up for her tonight after fucking me,” YN doesn’t stop with the filth.

“Y’act like I have ever fucked ‘er. I’ve only been givin’ it t’you for the past ten years,” He mutters, tongue licking into her mouth to shut her up.

When someone knocks on the door, they don’t stop, Harry determined as he pounds into her with hard, meaningful strokes.

“Harry, are you in there? Are you feeling alright?” Anna asks from the other side of the door - it was super loud because of the party.

He comes right then on the spot.

“You’re sick,” YN giggles, pleased as he pumps in a few more times to fill her up - claiming her as he always did.

—

Gang!H

It started with the god damn fucking teasing.

Rival gang members, the police, literally nobody gets under his skin - just his bloody nuisance of a wife and she took full advantage.

She got in these moods were she would fuck with him, tease him, wind him up until he had her pinned down with a sore arse.

He loved her so fucking much.

It started at the bar, she had leaned over with way too much cleavage on display as she fluttered her eyes to get men to buy her a drink.

Harry who was currently in the middle of a lucrative deal couldn’t concentrate as a man offered to buy her a glass of wine.

He didn’t care who saw, he excused himself and pushed her harshly into the bar until it would bruise her hips.

“Cut it the fuck out now, m’busy,” He hisses menacingly in her ear, ignoring the men who were staring wide eyes at the exchange.

Her hand comes back to subtly palm at his crotch before humming, “All these nice men are willing to pay attention to me.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Harry rumbles, gripping her wrist and moving it away from his groin with force.

“Whoa, man! You can’t talk to a lady like that!” A brunette gentleman squawks after watching the interaction.

Harry steps back, a sly smile rising the corner of his lips, and he purposefully lifts his shirt just a bit to flash a shining gold desert eagle tucked in his waistband.

The man’s eyes widen in horror which makes Harry chuckle darkly, “Don’t tell me how to treat m’fuckin’ brat of a wife, she fuckin’ loves it anyways.”

With that, Harry storms back to continue his meeting and YN grins, a little flushed as she sips on a glass of water - aroused beyond belief.

After a bit, YN disappears down the hallway to the restroom, and sends Harry a text that has him excusing herself.

Please help me. Woman’s bathroom, hurry.

Harry’s reaching back for his gun, not hesitation as he rushes down the hallway - heart pounding at the thought of his love in trouble.

He slams open the single stall bathroom, gun drawn but all he sees is his beautiful wife, on her knees with lust obvious in her body language.

“Y’tha’ fuckin’ desperate?” Harry scoffs, locking the door and placing his gun on the counter - already reaching for his belt and zipper.

“Please sir.”

It sends a harsh, electric zip down his spine as he hisses when his wet tip hits the cold air, he bends down first - forces her mouth open and spits.

But his words are soft and loving after, “Brat, love you s’much. Y’the love of m’life.”

Her eyes twinkle but she can’t speak because he’s guiding himself in her mouth with a long push that has her breathing heavily through her nose.

Harry surprises himself when he ends up spilling right after she pulls off for a breath and jerks him, rasping out, “I love living life with you.”

Yeah he comes at words and he isn’t fucking ashamed.

It has him pushing her up against the wall and licking her out until she’s teary from sensitivity and legs quivering pathetically.

-

👁👄👁

[sweetums0kitty]

Things that I think have Edward Nashton ✨Vibes✨ or like random headcannons for him.

The Early Fall Out Boy albums.

Mainly I think he’d love Take This To Your Grave (he’s big into Tell Mick he just made my list of things to do today) and From Under the Cork Tree (Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner, I Slept with Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I got was this song) and Folie à deux (mans screams 20 Dollar Nosebleed driving home after a murder)

Has a beat up to hell DSI he saved a bunch of money up for. Is the undisputed king of Brain Age. Has that DS game that’s just a bunch of public domain classic books.

The DSI itself is like really beat up from riding around in his book bag. He’s changed the battery multiple times so it’s basically running on spite and coffee fumes! Just like him!

I think Eddie would also be an MCR fan, Mama makes him cry his eyes out. Legit heartbroken when they broke up. Absolutely lost his (already gone) fucking mind when Foundations of Decay came out.

Has a deep buried desire to be loved and held and cared for. Does not know how to express it or attain it. Poor guy is the definition of touch starved.

When he does order food at the diner he keeps it pretty simple. Like a sandwich maybe a BLT if he’s feeling fancy. Mostly it’s pie time bay-bee! Also too much coffee

Pretend to hate Starbucks, says Frappes are just milkshakes with like a drop of coffee in them. Loves to play the Coffee Snob™️. But this motherfucker would inject Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Frappes into his bloodstream if he could!

Speaking of Fall things favorite season right there. He loves Spoopy stuff!

The air getting colder, the leaves changing color, it’s crisper and Gotham is allllllmost a tolerable place to be in. Not when you’re right in the center of the city, that’s dank and nasty. But go to the parks or the outskirts and yeah he can vibe with that.

Is strangely enough a master at hair braiding. He picked up the skill from the Orphanage.

Really loved Roald Dahl books as a kid. Back when he was still innocent and idealistic (before everything went to shit and even a little after in the Orphanage) he would try really hard to see if he had Matilda powers.

Like he’s stand in the bathroom and give himself a migraine trying to flip the switch with his mind. It never worked! 😔✊

Shockingly don’t think he’s an Incel, is he dismissive of other people and outwardly rude? Yes, yes he is! But he just can’t give enough of a fuck about other people to give a shit about who’s having sex and who’s not. Still lonely tho…

I think his parents (to make him sadder, who doesn’t wanna kick around the Blorbo a lil) were/are a Rich Girl who was studying at Gotham University with a Law Degree and the son of her Landlord’s who was also studying. A joint study session or two and they had their little fling and boom! Eddie.

His birth mom is from Metropolis actually! His birth dad disappeared under mysterious circumstances. (Rich Girl’s dad paid him a bunch of money to fuck off out of Gotham and never talk to Ed or his mom ever again)

Neither of them have his last name and his records are hella obscured. Trust me, Eddie tried to find out something, fucking anything.

Rich Girl Mom went on to marry some Rich Boy and she ended up with a MRS. Degree and had two half siblings. She often wonders about him. Saw what happened in Gotham and felt terrible and responsible for how he turned out. Just uh… not enough to like actually reach out and help him.

Eddie hates people but will never be mean to a child. Especially not the children in his building. He likes kids, they’re honest and non-judgmental.

Deep down he still wants a spouse, a nice 4 (one room is his office/man cave) bed and 3 bath house on the outskirts of Gotham with 3.5 kids and Golden Retriever or some shit like that.

Watches/watched too many movies and thinks relationships are supposed to be like a rom-com.

Is in a few Discord servers, has his own for the Riddler but also has like a group of internet geeks he plays D&D and like Jackbox or TF2 with.

He is the D&D Dungeon Master thank you VERY much! When he’s not in charge (he will fight tooth and nail on this) he likes to play Wizards, he’s a classic Elven Wizard guy. Always super high intelligence and Wisdom stats. Has the worst fucking luck on charisma throws, even worse luck when it’s a saving throw.

He had/has friends he just self isolates into a pile of hatred for the world and self loathing so his relationships are shaky.

This dude fucking loves the Sims, Sims 2 is his Nostalgia fave but he really got into the Sims 3 and had played that one the most.

I think he smells nice and doesn’t use like 3 in 1 shampoo. It’s still shit like store brand generic green man soap. But he takes care of his skin and his hair.

Avid wearer of sunscreen, will burn if he doesn’t wear it. Objects majorly to going outside during the summer.

Has one faintly chipped tooth from when he got slammed into a toilet in Middle School.

Was a Library TA in high school. Mainly his senior year since he really didn’t need to take anymore classes other than like an elective (shop class and one more language course. He picked German)

Likes the smell of spearmint, vanilla lotion (especially on a pretty girl), leather, old books and the metallic smell of fresh blood. Also coffee but that was a given.

Can technically cook but chooses not to.

Okay, I really should fucking stop this is already so long. 😖😫 But I love him.

By god I have to add onto this post!

My dude is a raging pansexual, like you all saw how feral he was for Batman.

He has such a weird way of getting crushes on people. One time a cute guy was vaguely nice to him when he got his coffee order and this poor guy already planned out their entire wedding and what they’d name their kids.

Cannot initiate to save his life in those situations. Gets too up in his head and his mean ole brain is like “A you’re disgusting, B. You’re getting distracted from your mission you fucking loser and, C. We gotta circle back to what a gross loser you are.”

If someone showed interest in him he’d short circuit and then assume it was some kind of prank. Please reassure him, he needs it.

As for mental health stuff ima project onto the husband here.

Has BPD, why? The outbursts, getting unhealthy attached to Batman without even knowing him, the mood swings. He just seems like the type.

ADHD my dude lives in organized chaos. Nobody else knows where anything is in his place and that’s how he likes it. He’s got his hyperfixations! Riddles and puzzles being one. Numbers too! He seems like the type of person who would bounce their leg a lot.

Pens are his stim toys, you can bite em, you can tap them, you can click them and they write! 

Tried to go to a gay bar once, he did not make it through the door, mostly sat in his car trying to hype himself up.

Once he got his Riddler outfit tho…. Ooh he was in there and it still freaked him out. Mostly it was him sitting in a corner trying to blend in and lowkey drooling over every hot person that passed him by.

Watched/watched Gravity Falls. He liked Dipper, kinda hates Mabel but not really and full on loves Ford

He’s always hated Harry Potter, thought it was stupid and whenever someone asked him what his house was he’d be like “I don’t have a Hogwarts house because I’m not a child.

Green Apple and Lime are the best flavors fight him.

He used to drink like way too much Monster and other energy drinks but they kinda give him heart palpitations now so he sticks to coffee.

He likes arcades, there’s one that’s been around forever by his place. The folks who own the place are pretty nice to him.

Very pinchable cheeks. You knew tho!

Wears socks in bed! His peets get cold.

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

Skwisgaar's Psychology

After rewatching Metalocalypse a total of three times ever since the news of the potential finale movie I kind of had a realization; I really fucking love Skwisgaar. I also started by halfway through rewatch two realized that his story and background and general psychology is really fucking fascinating to me.

So I am going to do my best to discuss his character and his psychology and how we see him progress through the show....I already did this with Toki a while back and kind of would love to do it with Murderface and maybe Pickles as well, I'd say Nathan, but he's the....least fucked up in a sense.

Skwisgaar let's start has the most dialogue in the first couple of seasons of the show and even then it isn't overwhelming compared to the other members of the band. By season four he speaks very little and rarely.

When we are introduced to him in the beginning of the show he seems to be like the rest of the group; a diva spoiled rich rocker who has been grossly wealthy for so long that he's forgotten how to function as a human.

You also with the first season especially have this running gag that isn't even a running gag that Skwisgaar or Toki will say something weird and then the other will add onto it and they just say weird shit about life and death or the violence of man, it's weird, and strangely endearing.

Which speaking of how those two play off each other brings me to the fact the pilot episode immediately establishes that these two are almost always together. The band goes to a grocery store and everybody splits up, except for Skwisgaar and Toki who go off together when in all reality that isn't remotely necessary. We also learn in that first episode that Skwisgaar gets pissed when Toki teases him and calls him a woman despite Skwisgaar calling him one like a second earlier and also that Skwisgaar is sexually attracted to elderly women.

Two things are heavily associated with Skwisgaar as a character; he is extremely sexually active and he's got his guitar with him in 99% of scenes. Skwisgaar also doesn't appear to be the most talkative, he can be bitchy and throw tantrums like the rest of his bandmates, but also seems to be more prone to crying and becoming anxious or worried for his friends and their wellbeing/safety, in terms of socializing he seems to be a bit awkward and seems the most comfortable communicating through sex and music. He's teasing and can be a dick, but there's no real edge to it. He also while seeming in some regards to be a bit....dumb to be blunt about it seems to actually be rather smart, though often seems to just keep that to himself probably because he knows who his friends are and they aren't prone to listening to people.

Season one wasted no time in introducing the band's parents and this included Skwisgaar's mother, Serveta. One thing that I do find super interesting is that he is the only member of the band who comes from a single mother, technically it isn't interesting, but the theory (probably canon) that their fathers aren't really their fathers at all and that their mothers became pregnant by the Deth Star makes it interesting. To me at least.

With Skwisgaar's mom in regards to the first season of the show we quickly learn that their relationship is strained. She's an older woman who just like Skwisgaar is very sexually active, we see her come onto Nathan's father who is married and sitting with his wife and son, Skwisgaar's reaction to this is to get upset and begin frantically playing his guitar. Skwisgaar spends a good portion of this episode drinking and at one point saying that ever since his mom got there his stomach had been hurting and he'd just been feeling like absolute shit. When we see him bonding with his mom he's brushing her hair and looking like he'd rather be dead or any place else, seeing him helping her groom is weirdly a red flag to me.

We learn by the third season of the show that his mother is intensely vain and in love with herself, she resents Skwisgaar because being pregnant with him and giving birth to him ruined her 'perfect' body and I'm sure the years where he was too young to fend for himself annoyed her because it meant she couldn't party or have men over or run off whenever she wanted, something I get the feeling that changed when he was about ten years of age. In a bonus video that comes with the first season of the show you see interviews with the band on various random topics; one of the scenes that is...uncomfortable to say the least is when family is brought up. Skwisgaar begins to say something, but trails off and becomes visibly upset before saying he's just going to shut down for a while, Toki confesses some more physical abuse before also shutting down.

I'm going to take a guess that Skwisgaar only had his mother when he was growing up and she only had him, I'm sure she has parents and maybe even siblings and aunts and uncles, but it appears that she has absolutely no relationship with them and Skwisgaar most probably never met these people.

The walls of Serveta's home sport dozens of headshots of herself and a couple of pictures of Skwisgaar as a kid thrown up by the front door almost as an after thought. It's likely and most probable that Skwisgaar was thrusted into the position of caretaker and even a husband sort of position when it came to his relationship with his mom; given the task of looking after her, holding her hair back when she pukes after a night of drinking, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. We know when he was about ten or thirteen years old he came home from school to find his mom having sex with two men, an event that scared him and led to him being chased by wolves and falling into a pit where if he weren't a demi-god he legit would have died. I feel like his mom reached a point with him where she stopped caring whether or not he saw her....personal life, perceiving him as an adult despite still just being a boy and also seeing him as somebody who is taking up space in her home and preventing her from having fun.

When she marries Tyr they're all over each other constantly....until Skwisgaar and Tyr become friends and begin spending time together, then she cheats on him. She was jealous that her latest man wasn't giving her constant attention and got angry at the concept of sharing him with her own child, which is super fucked up.

Skwisgaar throughout the show has a fake persona. He likes to pretend he in some way is like his mom; he likes to pretend he has his head up his own ass and doesn't need anybody but himself, he loves himself more than he could ever love another person. Which isn't true. At all.

I think that growing up with a narcissistic parent who emotionally neglected and emotionally abused him put him in a position where he had to shut down like that. He had to learn at a very young age that crying and yelling and being angry gets nothing done except maybe piss his mom off more, after finding his guitar he threw himself into music and appeared to shut himself off socially, preferring music over human interactions.

Music is something that Skwisgaar can rely on no matter what happens; he will always have a guitar, he will always be able to create music even if it is just for himself and nobody else. People come and go, people physically hurt you, people emotionally hurt you, or make you feel worthless. When we see the flashback to the night Magnus was kicked out of Dethklok Skwisgaar is faded into the background, almost like a ghost with his slumped shoulders and his hair curtaining his face as if he wants to just disappear. When they're auditioning for a replacement Skwisgaar is positive he doesn't want somebody else in the band, that they are fine just being four.

I think it comes from the fact he was terrified of repeating what just happened with Magnus, finding somebody he might think he can bond with over music only for that person to turn into a monster who makes him feel like he can't even do the thing he loves more than anything correctly....Then Toki came in and when they had their duel it quickly turned from a competition into a conversation. Because that's the one way Skwisgaar knows how to communicate, the way he is the most comfortable with; he likes to communicate through guitar and finding somebody who he could speak to through music excited him.

It's clear for obvious age related reasons that Skwisgaar has/had a care taker role where Toki is concerned. I mean he was about 15/16 when Skwisgaar took him into the band so he was a literal child, even when he's older Skwisgaar still looks out for him and is in his own sense immensely protective where he's concerned. Skwisgaar is also that way with the rest of the band even if it's more subtle. He worries about his bandmates, if they get injured or nearly killed it bothers him and he doesn't want anything to happen to them. When the band is going to break up he completely shuts down, because admit to it or not they had become the only family he ever had. I think Skwisgaar is so hard wired from his childhood to care for people that it's something he can't shake and maybe with the band he doesn't feel its a bad habit, because unlike with his mom, his bandmates arent forcing him to look after them. It's something he does because he wants to do it.

Of course in regards to his attraction to older women that definitely comes from issues relating to his mother....I don't think it's in a creepy Freud way, but more so just wanting to feel cared for back. Very obviously he can't exactly approach any of his bandmates and ask for a hug....well except maybe Toki and Pickles if he's super drunk or high, but outside of those two instances....they aren't people he could exactly just ask for validation or comfort or consolation. They aren't....good with that shit. Older women though usually have a tendency to be coddling and kind, Skwisgaar probably learned that as a teen or in his twenties, I think it's less about the sex factor and just feeling important. In terms of sex with people closer to him in age (I will die on the hill that he's bisexual, because he keeps just throwing it out there that he would blow a guy and he had multiple three ways with Melmord) I think it's a distraction for the most part, he uses sex the same way he often uses music, and honestly....He grew up seeing his mother have men over constantly.

Skwisgaar didn't grow up seeing love or healthy relationships, he saw his mom parade various men through the house and maybe she kept some of them for a while and I doubt the relationships were healthy and I'm sure he knew that his mother didn't love any man she dated or married for a short while. Even in the show he isn't fond of love or marriage, the only time he dates somebody is when he moves back to Sweden and finally starts to get his life together in a more healthy sense and that relationship didn't feel like it was based on sex. It was based on physical and emotional affection and it was the only time Skwisgaar ever looked actually happy in terms of intimacy.

Sex is a job, a chore for him; he's the God of Life so it's technically what....it's y'know his thing, creating life. As a lot of people notice....he seems far more sexually active after him and Toki's second fight in regards to music and petty bull shit. Season four is essentially the season where Salacia gets what he wanted aka the band tearing itself apart and you can see them all fall apart individually. For Skwisgaar falling apart means closing himself off, throwing himself more into his guitar and more into sex. He becomes more of a tool and an object as if that's all he wants to be, because being a person who opens yourself up and lets people in and tries to care about people ends up with you being hurt, badly.

Which does bring things back to his super complicated slightly homoerotic to the point even the show had to mention it for a hot second relationship with Toki.

We can gather from Doomstar that Toki was far more into music when he first joined Dethklok which I think worked out great for Skwisgaar, because as I said before; Skwisgaar communicates through music and this gave him somebody that he could talk to without the awkwardness of verbally conversing.

Though that changed clearly and you can feel that Skwisgaar is bothered by it, like in some weird way it feels like a minor betrayal. Toki notoriously never practices or puts in a lot of effort in terms of making music which Skwisgaar often comments on, complains about, or gets on him about. Reasonable. Guitar is part of who he is, but at the end of the day a talent that made him rich, that's what it is to Toki.....Skwisgaar on the other hand his guitar is literally an extension of himself and seeing him without a guitar in his hand for longer than a single scene gets weird.

Still despite the two of them losing the art of communicating through their music....they're close. Super fucking close. If you watch Metalocalypse and tell yourself going into the show that you're going to focus heavily on a single character or on a certain relationship you notice a ton of shit. Like you notice that Toki and Skwisgaar almost always sit together, stand together, talk over one another, finish each others weird sentences or ideas, copy each other to the point they spend an entire episode bickering like children over copying each other, and often spend their time hanging out together. Again. They're really close as if they're a single person split into two.

They're close to the point that inverse their fans just to some extent assume the two of them are fucking and madly in love and I mean I'm gonna be honest just objectively speaking here I would not be surprised to find out they have had sex before at least once or more times. Just saying.

That aside though and just sticking to the platonic here....They're close, Toki means as much to Skwisgaar as guitar does, and that's saying a lot. One big reason I want to bring up their relationship is that his relationship with Toki brings to light Skwisgaar's issues with death or more specifically death where Toki is concerned.

In season one when Toki has a bit of a breakdown and Pickles suggest they kill him, Skwisgaar looks tense and uncomfortable and says that he doesn't like the idea because it's a lot and it makes him feel not so good. In a deleted scene where the band watch Nascar together Pickles ask Toki and Skwisgaar if they were supposed to be dead or in jail or something because it's the same episode where they got shit faced and got into a high speed chase. Skwisgaar when responding about it changes the word dead/death out for sleep, stating they were supposed to be put to sleep but just had to do community service instead (Toki corrects that it was jail, not being put to sleep). In the deleted IKEA scene when Toki stressed says maybe the two of them should just kill themselves Skwisgaar immediately freaks out and later when they return to Nathan and Murderface they both look super emotionally fucked up and when Nathan ask if they had been crying Toki gets defensive and says no while Skwisgaar beginning to cry again says they had been crying. Then of course after Toki ruins Skwisgaar's reputation and becomes Magnus Jr. for a few weeks and ends up having a panic attack and making an ass of himself....Skwisgaar thinks he's having a heart attack and freaks the fuck out terrified that he's dying.

Then finally for a compilation of Skwisgaar not handling Toki dying well; in Doomstar before they go in to save Toki Skwisgaar makes the sorrowful comment that sometimes he wonders if they should have stayed a one guitar band. It isn't him being a dick, he isn't saying this isn't worth it. He's saying essentially that Toki was stabbed, kidnapped and possibly murdered and it's completely his fault; if he hadn't taken Toki in then none of this would have happened. Which immediately leads me to believe that post the funeral episode that Skwisgaar spent those months high and drunk and late at night blaming himself for Toki being taken/murdered. That's a lot of blame to put onto yourself and to say its your fault solely because a few years ago you took this kid in off the streets is honestly heart breaking.

Early on in the series there's an episode where Toki's pissed that he isn't seen as Skwisgaar's musical equal, he wants solos, and Skwisgaar turns him down. Which through the series and within that episode itself we easily learn why Skwisgaar never gives him a solo; Toki has performance anxiety and he never practices and quite honestly knows almost nothing about guitar. It's valid. Either way in this particular episode Toki gets pissed and decides he wants to take lessons, Skwisgaar offers and Toki turns him down because last time they tried...he kind of just ended up beating the shit out of Skwisgaar. (to be fair don't dump a bucket of blood on your friend's head) So he goes off and finds an elderly man to teach him how to play guitar, Murderface being a dick decides to tell Skwisgaar that Toki is super good at guitar now and.....Skwisgaar doesn't react well. He gets pissed off and has nightmares about Toki becoming better than him. He even confronts Toki and his guitar teacher and threatens to kick him out of the band. When he realizes at the end of the episode that Toki is still....really not great with music....he's chill again, everything is forgiven.

I kind of think that episode is a reason people perceived Skwisgaar as a dick or is one reason, but honestly he isn't being a dick. I mean sure, a bit, but they're all dicks. The thing is guitar is a crutch for Skwisgaar, it is super important to him and he doesn't know who he is without his guitar, without his music. So somebody else threatening to take that from him freaks him out and he reacts poorly to it.

Then we get to near the end of the show when the same issue arises except completely different. Toki again later in the series ask Skwisgaar for a solo and Skwisgaar annoyed refuses him, Toki being the mild psycho shit that he is decides to just kind of ruin his life as revenge. Again by this point in the show its kind of obvious if you actually pay attention at all that Skwisgaar keeps telling him he can't have solos because Toki never fucking practices and even in the studio Skwisgaar has to record most of the rhythm guitar parts. He's also known since Toki's audition that the kid is prone to choking up and making mistakes, so he's technically protecting him without just outright confronting him.

Toki writes a book calling out Skwisgaar as an abusive tyrant and an over dramatic bitch. Admittedly Skwisgaar is a slight diva and just like the rest of them can be a total asshole, admittedly to a lesser degree than the others. What's really fucking interesting for me personally about this episode is that Skwisgaar is catatonic and depressed for 99% of it. He doesn't speak. This starts literally the second that Toki releases his book saying that Skwisgaar abuses him, this is before Skwisgaar's career goes down the toilet, his career hadn't been impacted by this yet.

Skwisgaar falls to pieces because Toki, Toki who he's known since he was just sixteen and took in off the streets and they're always practically attached at the hip and have been since day one just released a book calling him an abusive monster.

I do have a feeling one reason this fucked him up is because he might be terrified that he's turning into Magnus without realizing it, that perhaps he has become an abusive monster and has been making Toki feel the way that Magnus made him feel towards the end of his time in Dethklok. I think there also is probably something soul crushing about the person you love platonically or otherwise referring to you very publicly as abusive. Of course all of this worsens when Skwisgaar's career begins to fall to shit, eventually towards the end when Toki is at the top of his ego trip being a prick Skwisgaar does confront him, that in itself is interesting.

Skwisgaar goes in way calmer than I would be in that situation, sure he gets pissed off as they bicker, but again he's waaayyyy fucking calmer than anybody else would be especially since Toki just yells at him through the entire conversation. Of course interestingly is that Toki perceives Skwisgaar in a way that isn't entirely true, he thinks Skwisgaar mocks him and thinks of him as nothing which isn't true at all, when he says Skwisgaar laughed at him he just responds that he never did that and he sounds slightly hurt by that. They're both hurt and none of these men are good with healthy emotions. Skwisgaar never loses his shit on him in the entire conversation, he looks like he could easily go ape shit but instead warns him that the audience will eat him alive the second he fucks up.

Which turns out to be true, Toki fucks up and people begin turning against him which leads to him having a severe panic attack. Like I mentioned before Skwisgaar thinks he's dying and tries to save him, scared out of his fucking mind at the concept of Toki dying. Which....the dude just spent several weeks treating you like garbage and calling you a monster who abuses him, if Skwisgaar was actually a shitty person then he would have laughed at him or mocked him or given him shit about this moment for years to come....but he doesn't do any of that. He is worried about saving him, probably terrified that if Toki dies then their last conversation was a fight.

Their dynamic changes a lot after this, not in a way that's overly obvious unless you watch it closely. They spend a lot less time together and what feels almost out of character initially in Dethcamp is....Skwisgaar easily going along with Murderface and bitching about Toki, because....again can't stress the Scandinavian dudes are always attached at the hip and now suddenly he's easily saying mean shit about Toki. It feels weird until you remember that not long before this they had a massive fight, Toki called him abusive and momentarily ruined his career and most likely afterwards tried to act like nothing happened at all while Skwisgaar probably wasn't capable of doing that.

Occasionally in season four Skwisgaar and Toki will sit together or stand together, still talk or have that physical closeness but it's far between and you see Toki spend a majority of his time with the toxic trio: Murderface, Rockso, and Magnus. Skwisgaar spends his time typically with Murderface and Pickles then near the end spends most of his time with Nathan.

Skwisgaar is a person who grew up in a home lacking affection and love or safety, he didn't grow up with examples of love or healthy relationships and as far as he's concerned relationships are a waste of time and energy because they all end the same.

Of course for as much as he says that, as they all say that....it's bull shit. He cares deeply about his bands and him trying to act near the end like Dethklok was just another gig it isn't, these people are his close friends and his only real family. Seeing Pickles and Nathan fall apart wrecked him and having Toki turn on him so easily gutted him. Skwisgaar is a super emotionally fragile person, he seems absolutely terrified of showing anger or aggression as if it's something he's never been comfortable with or learned when he was young gets you nowhere or perhaps there were men around who were violent and loud and it made him scared to ever be that way. He's the only one of the band we never see really lose his shit or be randomly aggressive and violent, he also strangely enough cries the most out of them canonically. People always make the assumption Toki cries a lot, but like canonically he cries waaayyyy fucking less than Skwisgaar.

I really find Skwisgaar interesting....clearly and this analysis might be a jumbled mess, but there's strangely a lot of things to unpack and things I probably didn't even touch on as much as I could have, because this is already insanely long. I have a deep appreciation of him rewatching this show now that I'm older and far more into analyzing works of fiction.

I hope that this was remotely coherent.

[avis-writeshq]

Akaashi Keiji x Reader - 青いバラ (Blue Rose)

Pairing: Akaashi Keiji x Fem!Reader

Summary: Blue rose - a flower of the genus Rosa that presents blue-to-violet pigmentation instead of the common red, white, or yellow. Blue roses are often used to symbolise secret or unattainable love.

Warnings: VAST MENTIONS OF DEATH, mentions of blood, slow burn, ANGST, fluff if you look carefully, and 9k words of me procrastinating and trying very hard to keep the fic alive. ALSO HANAHAKI DISEASE AU BC I’M ADDICTED :D

Other: Yo, sorry for dying on you giuys for like, a while. School started up again this week but it was online and I was procrastinating on legit eVerYtHiNg oop so, anyway, hugs and kisses, hope you enjoy this fic because I am so freaking in love with Akaashi it isn’t funny anymore. 

Ngl, this fic took like 2+ weeks to complete, and my editor can attest to that :’) Hope you guys enjoy and don’t let this flop. Your requests are coming out soon so thank you for your support! Also I need a nice anon fam to keep nmme happy and occupied during quarantine :)

Word count: 9.1k                                                                                              

Editor: @creative-hours-open​

Things you probably wanna know, for all you ‘x reader’ illiterates:

(Y/N): Your Name

(H/C): Hair Colour / Color

(E/C): Eye Colour / Color

(N/N): Nickname

 ***

You don’t remember when these feelings came to be. You don’t remember when you first felt your heart skip a beat whenever he walked past you. You don’t remember the first time you started replaying all your conversations with him in your head when it was 3 am and your brain wouldn’t shut up. You don’t remember the first time you blushed when he sent you a soft smile after you stared for a second too long. No, you don’t remember those things; but you do remember the first time a small blue rose petal appeared in your hand after you coughed too hard.

 Hanahaki Disease: Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 ) is a disease where the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.

 For months you lived with this disease not even your parents knew. How could they? After all, they were each other’s first love – their love wasn’t one-sided and besides, you didn’t want to worry them; you can get through this yourself.

 Right?

 You leaned over the bucket, velvet-soft petals tickling your throat before pouring into the overflowing bucket. Tears prickled the sides of your eyes, threatening to spill just like the petals that scattered to the ground.

 God, does this ever stop? You coughed again, gasping for air as you sat on your knees on the cold tile floor. Shit, what time was it? You have school today! Coughing one last petal out, you emptied the bucket into a plastic bag and threw it to the side, grabbing your school bag and rushing out the house.

 You couldn’t be late… the bus leaves and waits for nobody. You ran as fast as you could to the bus stop, stopping only to get oxygen back into your system. You still had the wind knocked out of you from spewing rose petals all over the bathroom, but you made it just in time.

The bus was basically full with the only seat that was empty being…

 Shit.

 You genuinely thought of flinging yourself out of the bus or just standing, but that wasn’t an option.

 “Hey, sit down, will ya? I can’t move if you don’t,” the bus driver grunted as you flinched.

 “S-sorry, sir…” you mumbled, holding your breath when you sat in the only seat available.

 Clutching the bag in your lap tightly, you tried your best to ignore the awkward presence next to you. You went to the same school as him! You shouldn’t be feeling this uneasy…

 “Ah, (L/N) (Y/N), right?”

 Fuck.

 You raise your eyes to meet his eyes. “Yes…? You’re Akaashi Keiji.”

 He nodded, giving you a once over before finally saying, “Did you go to the flower shop beforehand?”

 “No…?”

 “You have a flower on your shirt,” he explained. “Well, a petal.”

 Your eyes widened and you looked down at the collar of your shirt. Lo and behold, a bright blue petal was tucked away, but you can see most of it poking out. You felt your cheeks flush in embarrassment.

 “Oh… ha ha… thank you?”

 He nodded. “It’s fine…” He was quiet for a moment before murmuring, “blue looks good on you.”

 ***

 Why did he have to be in the same class as you? Every single time he was near you, the flower in your lungs thought that it would be a wonderful time to bloom. Right after the bus stop, for example, you coughed your lungs out into a janitor’s basket before forcing your way to class.

 Biology, the first class of the day and he was a foot away from you. Did the gods have something against you? Twenty minutes into the class, you felt yourself on the verge of another coughing fit.

 You raised your hand meekly, and the teacher looked at you, an eyebrow raised in mockery. Your other hand was covering your mouth as you forced the bright blue rose petals down but you couldn’t. You let out a cough, a few petals falling into your hand. Begrudgingly, the teacher lets you go to the bathroom, and you run out the door frantically.

 ‘How pathetic,’ you thought to yourself as you coughed out more petals. The roots were getting deeper, you can tell. You cough harshly once more, and a small rose bud falls onto the tiled bathroom floors. ‘Get over yourself. He won’t look at you twice.’

 But you knew that. You knew that more than the next person. So why… Why couldn’t you get over him? Each cough hurt more than the last, and the toilet was full of small blue petals. Some had small splotches of blood on them, and you could smell the metallic scent of the blood overtaking the soft scent of roses and tears. You wiped your tears with the cuffs of your school blazer. No more, you willed yourself, stepping out of the cubicle.

 Splashing cold water on your face, you let out a breath as you stared at yourself in the mirror. When did you stoop so low? Your eyes were blotched with tears and your cheeks were hollow from not eating. This was just too much. You clenched your eyes closed, tears rolling onto your cheeks as you did. You shook your head; time to get back to class.

 ***

“Hey, are you okay?” Aneko asked gently as you nibbled on your lunch.

 You mustered a smile to please her. “I’m okay.”

 “You had a coughing fit this morning; I don’t think you’re okay.” She gave you a disapproving look and you couldn’t help but flinch under her scrutinising gaze.

 “It’s just a cough. It’ll pass.”

 You can tell she doesn’t believe you, but your silence finishes off the conversation. Well, it should, anyway.

 “(L/N)-san, are you feeling alright?” A voice asks from above you, and you felt your heart drop.

 “Akaashi-san. Yes, I’m okay, thank you.” You don’t look at him, eyes drawn to the bento in front of you as you fought the soft blush on your cheeks.

 “If you keep coughing, the nurse should be able to give you some medicine,” he says gently, his eyes looking at you from above.

 Your eyes flickered to his for a second. “I don’t think there’s a medicine that can help me.”

 He opened his mouth to respond but is pulled away by a loud and boisterous third year. “AKAASHIII!!!”

 “They need you,” you said, closing your bento. “I have to go. Let’s go, Aneko. Thank you for your concern, but I really should get going.”

 “But-”

 “AKAASHIII!”

 He sent you one last look before running after his friend. You just stayed silent, clenching your fists in your lap as Aneko shot you a confused look.

 “I didn’t know you were friends with Akaashi,” she remarked, frowning at you. “What happened?”

 “Aneko,” you murmured, tears prickling your eyes, “do you know of the Hanahaki disease?”

 Her eyes widened. “Don’t tell me…”

 You just sent her a wry smile before running to the bathroom.

 ***

Another disastrous day. The bus was relatively empty on the way home, probably because some of the boys had afterschool volleyball training. Pulling your phone out of your blazer pocket, you opened up Google.

 ‘Is there a way to get rid of the Hanahaki Disease?’

 Multiple sites came up; some were even websites of hospitals that claimed to get rid of the disease.

 You pressed on a tab that seemed to answer your question.

 ‘Surgery can help, but I had a friend who was unable to feel affection after the surgery.’

 ‘You should confess first!’

 ‘The medical bills are really expensive, but it’s worth it.’

 ‘Would you rather suffocate from flower petals or lose the ability to love? My sister did it and she regrets it all.’

 ‘There’s a guy who does it in India for cheap.’

 ‘The cheapest is 150,000 yen. Good luck.’

 You groaned, closing the tab and leaned back in your chair. Could this day get any worse? How were you supposed to get 150,000 yen, anyway? Even if you could afford the surgery, there was no way your parents would even allow you to take it. Hugging your bag closer to your chest, you let out a sigh. The only way to get rid of these emotions was to either have the person love you back, get over him, or surgery. There was, of course, the prospect of drowning yourself in bleach, but you didn’t think that your friends and family would agree to such ‘extreme’ methods.

 ‘Dammit, Akaashi, you’re giving me problems when I need it the least,’ you thought to yourself, as you stepped out of the bus. How long does it take for this disease to kill you, anyway?

 The answer was six months. According to your research, you have had the Hanahaki Disease for a minimum of four months, so you were basically on the verge of death. In other words, you had 2 months to either take the surgery, get him to fall in love with you, or die. The options didn’t seem too promising.

 Your parents weren’t home today, as usual. A note was waiting for you on the kitchen bench and you suppressed a sigh.

 ‘Dinner is in the microwave. Don’t skip your dinner.

~ Love, Dad’

 You skipped dinner anyway.

 ***

School counsellors were really… different. They’re not teachers, but they teach you valuable ‘life lessons’ when you really need it. They’re not nurses but they take care of you when you’re hurt. Well, they take care of you when you’re hurt mentally.

 According to a lot of other students, the counsellor at Fukurodani could either be your best friend or sworn enemy. But at this point, you were desperate. You really needed advice and you couldn’t just ask your friends. No, that wouldn’t work out. After all, they were as insane as you.

 “Tell me whatever you need to tell me,” she said with a gentle smile as you looked around the room that enclosed you.

 The room was really… childish? Ladybug wall stickers decorated the walls topped with  a huge cat poster plastered  by the door. And still you questioned yourself, God, what were you supposed to say?

 You had it rehearsed in your mind, ‘I have the Hanahaki Disease,’ but when it was your turn to talk, your tongue was glued to the roof of your mouth.

 The woman across from you, bless her, just sat there with a patient nod. She handed you a pen and paper. 

“Can you write it for me?” She asks as she puts her glasses on.

 You did as you were told.

 You watched as she read over your scrawl and her jaw dropped. It just… dropped. You’re not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but her jaw dropped as she gaped at you, glasses askew.

 “The Hanahaki Disease… are you sure?”

 You raised an eyebrow as if to ask, ‘I have rose petals coming out of my mouth and you think I’m not sure?’

 She sighed, leaning back in her chair. “You know, that is very dangerous. Have you consulted a doctor? Have you told your parents?”

 “I don’t want to worry anyone,” you mumbled, “my parents aren’t home a lot so they wouldn’t have time to take me to the doctors, and the surgery is pretty-”

 “You’re considering the surgery?” She cut you off, mouth open and surprised but there was more to that; she was… concerned.

 You grimaced. “What else can I do?”

 She raised an unamused eyebrow but a ghost of a smile  spread on her face. “You can try telling him?”

 The thought alone made you feel sick. “I don’t think I can. He obviously doesn’t like me that way.”

 “Have you tried talking to him?” She prompted, taking out a notepad to write in before nodding at you to continue.

 “We only had one decent conversation and that was about English homework. We’ve only talked once outside of school and…” you fell silent, averting your gaze. “Why would he like me, anyway? He has volleyball to put up with, and his grades are perfect. He doesn’t need a love interest entering his life.”

 The counsellor sighed, looking you dead in the eye. “The most important thing for a relationship to bloom is communication. If you can’t hold a conversation now, how is that supposed to help you in the future?”

 You hated it when important people had a point. “It gets worse when I’m near him.”

 “Just imagine you’re talking to a friend,” she said kindly, before proceeding to ask more questions.

 ***

You stepped into the class halfway through your fourth period. All heads turn to you as you lowered your head in embarrassment. Meekly passing the teacher a late slip, you took your seat behind Akaashi Keiji.

 You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything when class ended and everyone packed up to get ready for their next class. However, the first move had already been made.

 “Akaashi was asking about you,” Aneko said as you grabbed more books out of your locker.

 Your eyes widened, flickering to hers for a split second. “What did he say?”

 “He wanted to know if you were alright. I was getting worried too, y’know; you were in the counsellor’s office for a lot longer than I expected.”

 “She wouldn’t stop talking,” you said in a half-hearted explanation. You didn’t want to go into the details.

 “(L/N)-san, you went to the counsellor’s office?”

 You wanted to shrivel up and die. You didn’t prepare for this! What were you supposed to say now?

 Letting out a small breath, you turned around to face him. “Yeah, but I’m okay.”

 “Is your cough getting any better?” He asked gently, peering down at you with concern.

 “Yeah, I’m getting better,” you lied, praying for the little flower growing in your lungs to disappear in this short moment.

 He nodded, “I’m glad. Ah, and I photocopied my notes from the previous classes. They should cover the lessons.”

 You swallowed thickly, fighting the heat that clouded your cheeks. 

 You stuttered out a timid response. “Thank you…”

 He sent you a small smile before taking his seat. You felt sick all over again and coughed out some more petals. Aneko’s eyes watched you with concern as you faked a smile.

 “I’m okay. I don’t need to go to the bathroom for this,” you said, hoping to calm her nerves.

 “I’m taking you to the doctor’s after this, got it? Screw your parents, you need some medical advice,” she deadpanned, her tangerine eyes staring into yours and you can’t help the sigh that escaped your lips.

 “We’ll talk more after class,” you promised before sitting down and going over the notes Akaashi made for you. Your heart hammered in your chest as you read his kanji. Unsurprisingly, it was neat. But then again, what were you expecting from Akaashi Keiji? He seemed to be the type to take everything quite seriously.

 Ten minutes pass. Then twenty… thirty minutes later and you wonder to yourself, I didn’t cough once?

 ***

“How long did you say you had this disease for?” The doctor asked.

 “According to Google, around four months,” you answer, fiddling with your fingers.

 “Any particular reason you didn’t come with your parents?”

 “They had work.”

 Aneko hummed to confirm your statement. “She’s alone for most of the time. That’s why I am here to help!”

 “Right…” the doctor eyed her before turning back to you. “Have you talked to him?”

 “Why do people keep asking me that?” You mutter to yourself, digging your nails into the palms of your hands.

 The doctor let out an exasperated sigh. “Unless you can earn yourself an ungodly amount of money, the only thing you can do is hope to earn his affections. That or the flowers in your lungs will kill you.”

You knew that. The words seemed to fall on deaf ears because, hell, you knew that better than anyone in the room. Were you the only one with this disease? Everyone you talked to, everyone you confided in… they never seemed to have this disease. Your parents were in love with each other as soon as they met. The school counsellor has never been in love with anyone before. Aneko and her boyfriend have known each other since they were kids and fell in love relatively quickly while this doctor makes the Hanahaki Disease sound so simple. As if it was nothing more than just a small phase or bump in one’s life.

 Bull shit.

 You didn’t want this disease any more than the next person. Why? Because the disease hurt; it hurt a lot. The worst thing about it was the fact that there was no actual cure. The disease itself was kill or be killed; kill your feelings, or kill yourself. There was not an actual cure. Scientists didn’t know how the flower itself blossomed in one’s lungs. They didn’t know how to cure it.

 The worst part? The Hanahaki Disease claimed the lives of more people than traffic accidents and suicide combined. People weren’t necessarily scared of the disease. They were just… uneasy and you understood why.

 One thing was for certain though; the Hanahaki Disease was based on genetics. So somewhere along the line, one of your family members was affected by this particular disease. Of course, your parents probably never even thought about the possibility, so they probably didn’t test if you had the gene.

 Man, you really hated your parents sometimes.

 You left the doctor’s office silently, eyes downcast. Your knees trembled from below you and you felt as if you could collapse any minute now.

 “Aneko,” you murmured, stilling yourself and looking at her. “I didn’t cough when he was there.”

 She frowns, “What do you mean?”

 “When Akaashi was next to me, I didn’t cough a single petal. Not even once did I cough. I only did when class ended.” You showed her a weak smile before continuing. “It probably doesn’t mean anything though, does it?”

 “This is why you need to talk to him,” she said before stepping in front of you with her hands on her hips. “You’re dying, (Y/N). That isn’t something you should be taking lightly.”

 “I know,” you whispered, avoiding her eyes. “It’s not that easy you know. He has things to do and… he doesn’t need this right now.”

 She nodded, continuing to walk down the street. “I’m a pretty shitty friend, huh?”

 Your eyes widened, and you gape at her. 

 Quickening your pace to catch up to her, you glared. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

 “I don’t know how you’re feeling right now. I’ve never been in your situation and I… what am I supposed to say to you?” Her voice is rising and you noticed that she had stopped walking altogether. “You’re always the one taking the shots and helping me. You’re the one who introduced me to Eito. You’re the one who stays up late to help me with the assignments I put off. You’re the one helping everyone with their problems. You’re always giving, (Y/N), you’re always the one who puts others in front of yourself!”

 Tears leaked out the sides of her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.  You opened your mouth to say something but she cuts you off.

 “This is the one time you’re meant to be selfish. This is the one time you’re supposed to put yourself first. All you do is give! People –” she choked on her tears before saying – “people envy you, you know? I envy you! You’re usually so happy… you’re so willing to help others, even if they’ve done you so much wrong!” 

She wiped her tears with her arms, but they kept coming. “This – this is the one time you need help with something and I can’t even do anything!”

 She’s crying harder and all you can do is watch on. Fat tears dropped to the cemented ground as she wails louder. “Be selfish for once, (Y/N)! Please… I can’t lose you!”

 You’re crying now, too, but you don’t realise it until you taste the salty tears from the corner of your mouth. They spilled silently as you watch Aneko, your best friend, sob into the sleeves of her jumper . 

 If anyone was around, they would think that you were weirdos. Two random teenage girls crying their eyes out in the middle of the street wasn’t a natural occurrence. 

 You wipe your tears away with the back of your hand and offer her the most realistic smile you could muster. “Let’s head home, okay? We can binge that sports anime you’ve been meaning to watch.”

 She sniffs, the last of her tears splashing to the floor. “Okay.”

 *** 

You’re both late to school the next morning but you don’t really care. Aneko leaves at 5am to sneak into her house that was two blocks away from yours. You’re racing to gather your things so that you can do your homework in the bus. 

 After puking out another bucketful of rose petals in the bathroom, you’re bolting out the door to catch the bus. There were more places to sit now, and if this was any other circumstance, you would have sat as far away from Akaashi as you could. 

 ‘TALK TO HIM!’ You order yourself and you do before you could change your mind. 

 You pulled out your geography homework. From the corner of your eye, you note how Akaashi’s eyes do an onceover of your work. Trying to block him out, you began to answer the questions. 

 What metropolitan area is the largest in the world not bordering a body of water?

 What the heck? You blanched at the question. You don’t remember this being in the textbook! You screamed internally, and you have half a mind to pull out your phone to do some research. 

 “The answer is Johannesburg, South America,” a voice from beside you says helpfully. 

 You look up, your eyes are met with gentle navy eyes. Your cheeks burn as you look away. How is it possible to have such pretty eyes? 

 “Oh… thanks,” you mumble, and you let out a breath. “Hey, Akaashi?”

 His eyes widen and he clears his throat. “Yes? Is everything okay?”

 “Uh… thank you again for photocopying your notes! It was really nice of you! I would’ve gotten them from Aneko, but her handwriting is… questionable,” you laughed lightly, easing yourself into the conversation. “Thanks for caring, is all I’m trying to say.”

 The smallest of smiles makes its way onto his face and he looks at you with sincerity. “I’ll always care, you know?”

“Wait, really?” You blink twice at him, confusion swirling in your chest.  

 He nodded at you, looking out the window. “I care more than you think.”

 ***

The conversation replayed in your head over and over again, and you can’t help but stare dreamily out the window. When lunch began, Aneko snapped her fingers in your face, bringing you out of your daze. You flush, looking up at her as she grinned down at you.

 “So… what happened with Lover Boy over there?”

 “Nothing,” you wave her off, trying to ignore the blood that rushed to your cheeks. “We just… talked.”

 She wiggled her eyebrows at you teasingly. “So are you guys, like, together yet?”

 “It’s not that easy,” you mutter, raising an eyebrow at her. “Love doesn’t just appear, it builds over several conversations and it takes time.”

 “Not all the time; Eito and I had love at first sight,” she swooned lightly, and you rolled your eyes at her antics. “Anyway!” She exclaimed, slapping the table. “You have to talk to him more! You like him, right?”

 “Obviously,” you deadpanned, giving her a look of amusement.

 “Then go talk to him!”

 With that, she pulled you out of your chair and pushed you out of the room.

 You rolled your eyes, “That wasn’t very Plus Ultra of you.”

 “(L/N)-san?” 

 You spun around to face the person, a small smile on your face. “Hi, Akaashi-san! Yeah, Aneko threw me out of the classroom.”

 “Oh, I see,” he nodded in understanding.

 “AKAASHIII!”

 You jolted out of surprise, eyes widening when you see a third year look down at you.

 Akaashi let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Bokuto-san. What are you doing here?”

 “What’s wrong with seeing you? You’re annoyed of me, right?” A pout rested on his face, and you couldn’t help but question his strange hairstyle as you looked up at him.

 “Um… hello? You’re Bokuto Koutarou, right? The captain of the volleyball team?” You forced a friendly smile.

 “You must be (L/N) (Y/N)! Akaashi talks a lot about you!” He grinned at you with an owlish expression.

 You felt your cheeks tinge red. “Really?”

 “That’s enough, Bokuto-san. You’re scaring her,” Akaashi sighed before turning to you. “Ignore him. Do you want to watch our volleyball practice after school? You seem to be interested.”

 You flush pink. “I don’t want to be a bother…”

 “I invited you. It’ll be fine.” A small smile made its way onto his face. “I’ll take you after school.”

 You grinned, “Okay!”

 ***  

Aneko beamed at you, pinching your cheeks while she was at it. “Aw, (Y/N), I’m so proud!”

 You rolled your eyes, pushing her hands away from your face. “He invited me to watch his volleyball practice; it’s not that big of a deal.”

 “It is when you like him!” She cheered, the smile on her face widening. “You’re gonna cure that dumb disease and you’re gonna get a hot boyfriend. I rate that ten out of ten.”

 You don’t respond, instead finding your phone much more interesting.

 “Huh? What are you doing? (Y/N)…” You could practically hear the pout in Aneko’s voice.

 You moved your hand away, blocking the screen so that she couldn’t see who you were texting. “I’m not doing anything.”

 “Then show me!” She whined, before a sly smirk rested on her lips. “Oh, I see. You’re texting Akaashi, right?”

 “What makes you think that?” You flushed, looking away from her.

 Aneko grinned, patting your head in jest. “Have fun with him, (Y/N)! Don’t forget me, alright?”

 You couldn’t help but laugh, knocking her hand once more. “Alright, alright. Now go away, Eito is waiting for you.”

 She nodded, brushing her mousey brown hair out of her face. “Text me tonight, yeah?”

 You hummed in agreement before turning back to your phone.

 “(Y/N)-san,” a voice called out, and you felt your cheeks redden.

 You let out a breath before smiling up at the setter. “You don’t have to add honorifics, Akaashi-san. We’re friends, right?”

 “Then call me Keiji,” he offered, looking down at you.

 “Keiji,” you said slowly before nodding. “Then call me (Y/N).”

 “I’ve always liked your name,” he remarked nonchalantly. “Come on, we have to get to the gym, okay?”

 With a slight skip in your step, you followed him to the Gym 03. He slid the door open, revealing multiple yellow and blue balls flying over volleyball nets. They flew from all directions, and stray balls seemed to be more dangerous than the actual people. The people in the volleyball team were tall, big, and intimidating. You couldn’t help the little shiver that crept up your spine.

 You felt a hand rest on your shoulder and you looked up at Akaashi. He sent a reassuring smile your way.

 “They’re not as scary as they look,” he promised, taking you up to the high rises. “They’re a bunch of babies when you get to know them.”

 You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your mouth. “I’ll take your word for it, then.”

 Watching from above, you noticed the way everyone on the team worked together; how they cheered each other on and the way they dealt with Bokuto… everyone was a lot friendlier than you thought they were.

 But all the peace and happiness you held was cut short as your stomach lurched and you felt your heart thunder in your chest. Your lungs suddenly started wheezing for air and you stumbled down the stairs. Trying your best to open the gym door as inconspicuously as possible, you bolted to the nearest bathroom to empty your lungs.

 You gasped for air, coughing wildly as petals spilled out of your mouth and onto the walkway. Droplets of blood fell into the palms of your hands before inking the ground. Thorns tumbled out of your mouth, scratching and wounding your throat as you staggered to the bathroom, the metallic taste of blood filling your mouth and taking over your senses. Your left hand leaned against the side of the gym, and you tried your best to stabilize yourself, but trying seemed to be futile.

 Sobbing from the pain, you fell to your knees as petals and rose buds fell out of your mouth. God, this could not be happening right now.  

 Breathing heavily, you furiously wiped the tears and sweat off your face. You looked around you at the mess of blood, flowers, and thorns. You stared at the dark green thorns that scattered around you, and you couldn’t help but feel another wave of dread wash over you. Why…? Why was the disease getting worse? You thought that everything was getting better; Akaashi was talking to you more and you were making so much progress with him as well! So why was it getting worse?

 You sucked in a breath, trying to regulate your breathing as you wiped your tears away. Your lungs burned in your chest as you got up from the ground, trying your best to clean the mess you made.  Somehow managing to make it look like someone didn’t commit murder with a bouquet of flowers, you made your way back to the gym.

 Forcing a smile, you slid the gym door open. All eyes turned to you and you felt a blush rise to your cheeks.

 “Um… I had to go to the bathroom,” you said shakily, avoiding any and all eye contact.

 “You were gone for a while,” Akaashi noted, “are you feeling alright?”

 “Yeah, I just needed to get some air, y’know?” You faked a laugh before waving him off. “I’m fine, really. Go back to practice, Keiji.”

 He nodded silently, glancing back at you for a split second.

 “AKAASHIII! It’s your serve!” Bokuto exclaimed. “NICE SERVE!”

 Picking up the ball, Akaashi let his eyes wander to you as you sat at the high rises. He felt his heart tug in his chest as he threw up the ball to serve.

 Don’t lie to me.

 *** 

Practice ended a while later, and you had done your best to not gawk at your long-time crush. Sure, you have seen his games before, but that was live on a screen. This was different. Here you could feel the thud of the balls as they hit the floor violently, and you could feel the heat and exhaustion leaking off the players; you don’t feel that kind of thing through a screen. 

 “Thank you for letting me watch your practice,” you said, bowing respectfully at the coach and the two managers. 

 They smiled, and the coach replied, “You’re welcome back any time.”

 “(Y/N), I can walk you to the bus stop if you would like?”

 You felt yourself panic internally as you stood in front of the open door. You didn’t need to turn around to know who it was but you do anyway.

 Opening your mouth to say ‘no’, you found that the only word that escaped your voice box was, “Sure.”

 “I’ll change first, and then we can go.”

 You answered with a slight nod, and the pain you felt just moments ago filled your thoughts. Shaking the feeling off, you waited by the gym doors.

 “So, you and Akaashi?”

 You felt your heart leap to your throat as you spun around to face the person. It was Suzumeda Kaori, one of the team managers on the volleyball team. She smirked at you, sending you a knowing look.

 “We’re just friends,” you said bashfully, but on the inside you wished that what she said was true.

 She didn’t believe you for a second, “Really?” She asked drily, the smirk on her face widening by a second. “So… you don’t like him?”

 “I… never said that,” you said under your breath, and you felt your cheeks burn in embarrassment. “We’re just friends though. I doubt he even knew I existed until a few weeks ago.”

 “Huh,” she remarked, before picking up a stray volleyball. “Whatever you say, (L/N)-chan.”

 “(Y/N), are you ready?” Another voice cut in, and you nodded your answer to the question.

 The walk to the bus stop was calm as the cherry blossoms fell and drifted over the two of you. It was nice, to say the least. Every so often, you found yourself glancing at the setter through the corner of your eye before forcing your gaze to  turn back to the path. You groaned internally. You were falling harder, and the fact that you practically had a ticking time bomb planted in your lungs wasn’t helping.

 “I’ve noticed you and Bokuto are really close. When did you meet?” You cringed slightly at the poor excuse of a conversation starter, but he didn’t seem to mind.

 “I met him last year when I first went to the club. He said that my tosses were good,” he smiled slightly at the memory, and you felt your heart skip a beat.

 “That’s pretty cool. He’s really loud, so I was surprised when I found out you were both friends.” You let out a small laugh.

 He nodded in understanding, “I get that a lot. He’s not that bad when you get to know him. When I introduced you, you looked pretty intimidated.”

 “I was… surprised. He’s really loud and he’s quite the character.”

 “He’s a good guy; and he’s reliable.”

 “I’ll take your word for it.”

 Silence is the only thing that followed as you waited at the bus stop. Akaashi had taken sudden interest in his shoes, and you were trying to wrack your brain for a conversation starter.

 “I forgot to ask,” he said, cutting the silence. “Are you feeling any better?”

 You blinked at him, clueless for a moment before it dawned on you. “Oh, yeah, I told you I was fine, didn’t I?” You shot him a reassuring smile. “I was just feeling light headed in the gym. It was really warm.”

 “Ah, right, that makes sense. I’m glad you’re feeling okay, (Y/N).”

 Why was he able to make something as simple as your name sound nice? Blood rushed to your cheeks as the bus pulled to a stop, and the both of you took a seat. Cheeks still flushed red, you focused your vision on the window. There were a few scratch marks here and there, and you watched as the cars drove past. Red car, blue car, black car, black car, white ca-

 “Are you hungry?” A calm voice questioned from beside you.

 You opened your mouth to answer, but you didn’t need to.

 Your stomach growled at the mention of food. 

 Keiji chuckled softly before handing you a curry bun. “Here.”

 You eyed it warily, “Do you have one? I don’t want to eat your lunch or anything… and you’re the one who was doing the physical activity.”

 “I have one right here,” he said, pulling out an identical bun. “Have it.”

 You hesitated, but took it gratefully, taking small nibbles. “Thanks.”

  The rest of the bus ride was relatively quiet, the both of you having small snippets of conversation throughout the ride. The bus lurched to a stop, and you glanced outside the window to check what stop you were at.

 “Ah, this is my stop, Keiji. Thank you for accompanying me; it was really nice of you.” You grinned, showing a clumsy bow before picking up your bag. “Thanks for the food as well!”

 “You don’t have to thank me, (Y/N). I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” He smiled gently.

 With a final wave, you stepped off the bus before making your way to your house, cheeks warm and a goofy smile on your face.

 Meanwhile, Akaashi sat in the bus, staring wistfully out the window. With a final sigh, he picked up his phone and clicked ‘call’ on a particular contact.

 “Bokuto-san. I need your help.”

***

You returned to school the next day, expecting for the day to be the same as every other one but when you stepped into the classroom, you found a strange biological piece of matter on your table.

 A single blue rose with all the thorns cut off on your desk. It was just… sitting there. You suddenly felt sick. Who the hell confesses to someone with a blue rose? Albeit, it was a very pretty flower, but it wasn’t something one would confess with. That is, if this one was a confession. What happened to the red and white roses at the flower shop? It was nowhere near Valentine’s Day or White Day, so there shouldn’t be a shortage of supply.

 The only conclusion you could make was the fact that someone knew about your disease. Someone must have seen you. Your stomach churned with anxiety as you picked up the rose. There wasn’t a note to go with it, so there was no way for you to find out who delivered it to you. Then again, the rose might not have been for you.

 “Ooh, Whatcha got there?”

 You yelped at the sound of your best friend’s voice, nearly dropping the flower in your hands.

 “Don’t creep up on me,” you grumbled, shooting a glare at her.

 Aneko grinned, plucking the rose from your hands. “What’s this? From a secret admirer, maybe?”

 “I think someone knows,” you said abruptly, crossing your arms over your chest. “Did you tell anyone?”

 “What? You know I don’t talk to anyone but you and Eito and I didn’t mention anything to him.” She frowned, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe Akaashi knows?”

 “Why would he know?”

 “He invited you yesterday to watch practice. You did say that you had a coughing fit right?” A sly smirk made its way onto her face. “Maybe he got worried when you left the gym and followed you.”

 You let out a sigh as you took a seat at your desk. Resting your chin on the palm of your hand, you looked at her expectantly. “He wouldn’t like me; he probably just thinks of me as a friend.”

 Bending down to reach eye level with you, she flicked your forehead, and you yelped in pain. “Stop being a baby and tell him.”

 “It’s not that easy!” You countered, rubbing the area she flicked. “I can’t just magically make the disease go away by confessing. He has to like me too!”

 “You’re not making it any easier,” Aneko pointed out.

 You shot her a fiery look, hitting the top of her head with a maths textbook. “Shut up, Aneko.”

 She pouted at you before taking her seat. Akaashi entered the classroom moments later, taking his usual seat in front of you. You felt your heart hammer within your chest as you stared at his usual unruly mop of black hair.

 You did your best to focus on the task at hand. However, trying to focus on a class you had zero interest in was becoming a problem. Staring at your very blank page of paper, you were very close to screaming. What was the lesson on again? Was this maths or geography?

 “Ah, (Y/N), Eito wanted to talk to me about something. I’ll see you later!” Aneko exclaimed, and you brought yourself out of your reverie.

 “Wait what?” You glanced around, but the classroom was pretty much empty. 

“Wait, Aneko-”

But she was already out the door. You groaned, hitting your forehead against your table in frustration.

 “I really should have paid attention,” you muttered to yourself, squeezing your eyes shut.

 A small shuffling sound next to you snapped you out of your daydream and you looked up at the person.

 “Keiji?” You couldn’t bring yourself to say another thing, your mouth opening and closing as you thought of what to say.

 “You seemed to have trouble with the lesson,” he said gently, holding a book out to you.

 You blinked at it warily before gingerly taking it. “You don’t have to do all this for me. And… how did you know that I couldn’t concentrate?”

 “Aneko,” he responded, looking at you intently. “You can borrow my notes.”

 You watched as his eyes wandered to the rose that was on your lap and you felt your cheeks burn. “Ah, this is nothing! It was on my desk and I guess someone put it there. I don’t know who, but-”

 “Do you like it?” He asked, his eyes ghosting over your face.

 “Yeah… it’s a shame it probably isn’t meant for me, though.” You offer a shy smile.

 He nodded briskly before patting your shoulder. “Do you want to watch practice again today?”

 “Really?”

 “Why not? It gave everyone else motivation and you enjoyed it, right?”

 “Yeah, I did! It was really cool watching everyone work together like that; your tosses were amazing! It seemed to get the whole team to bond. You’re really focused on the court. I guess you have to be when you’re the control centre of the team.” You shut your mouth abruptly, and your cheeks reddened even further. “Sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I?”

 “I don’t mind,” he said tenderly, a strange fondness on his features. “We’ll go to the gym together at the end of the day.”

 You beamed. “I look forward to it!”

 ***

The rest of the day goes smoothly. Well, as smooth as it could be. Halfway in your third period, you choked on a thorn and had to be excused for a full half-hour before returning to the class. For most people in the class, you were either faking to skip class or you were genuinely sick. Strangely enough, your teachers seemed to understand  your situation and didn’t question when you left the class randomly.

 Wonderful, you thought to yourself for the umpteenth time as all heads turned to you when you had returned to class, I’m absolutely pathetic.

 You could still taste blood when you walked with Keiji to the gym, but holy shit, you wished that this could end.

 And you realised that maybe it would end; very, very soon.

 “Akaashi-kun!” A high pitched voice rang in your ears and you flinched slightly.

 You and Keiji were just about to leave the school when a girl with bouncy yellow curls pushed her way between the two of you. You blinked, confused and rather insulted as you stumbled backwards, watching the girl cling onto Akaashi’s arm. You watched as his jaw clenched in agitation.

 “Can I talk to you?” The girl asked with a sickeningly sweet smile as she side-glanced you before hissing, “Alone.”

 He nodded wordlessly as he followed the girl.

 You were no stalker; you were no eavesdropper either. Looking up at their retreating figures, you tried to find a reason as to why you should stay put. Your lovesick brain didn’t have a good enough reason.

 “Akaashi-san, I like you!”

 You choked as you clapped a hand over your mouth when you heard her high-pitched voice screech a confession.

 “Thank you, but I like someone else,” Keiji’s monotone voice said, and you let out a breath of relief.

 That was good, right? Maybe it was you! Or maybe it won’t be. You groan inwardly, steeling yourself as you listened to their conversation.

 “I’m sure I can be better than her!” The girl exclaimed and you rolled your eyes.

 “I’m sorry, but I like her very much.”

 Oh. You slowly made your way back to where Akaashi had left you, thoughts running through your mind. How were you supposed to compete against her? 

 Moments later, Akaashi returned to your side, hands stuffed in his volleyball jacket. 

 “Did you wait long?” 

 “No, not really. The bus is coming, we should go.”

 He nodded, wordlessly walking beside you. The silence that followed was, to say the least, awkward. You had a feeling he knew you were listening in to his conversation, and he knew you were uneasy about the entire situation. Tugging nervously at your bag strap, you couldn’t help the glances you sent from the corners of your eyes. 

 “Hey, Keiji,” you interrupted the silence and he turned to you, eyebrows raised as a signal to continue. “Uh… do you want my number? You can tell me when you have practice so I can bring extra food.”

  “I don’t mind bringing you food, (Y/N),” he said, but a small smile was etched on his face. “I’ll give you my number, too then.”

 And so, numbers were exchanged and the apples of your cheeks were flushed in happiness. That was progress, right?

 The bus pulled to a stop, and you hopped up from your seat. “Thanks for walking me to the bus again. See you tomorrow!”

 Dropping your bag to the floor, you slumped onto your bed, a small yawn slipping from your mouth. 

 From: Akaashi Keiji 

Did you make it inside safely?

 You grinned at your phone, quickly typing in a response.

                                                                                                    To: Akaashi Keiji

                                                                                                                        Yep! 

                                                                                                    To: Akaashi Keiji

                                                        Thanks again for letting me come to practice!

 From: Akaashi Keiji

Do you want to come to practice tomorrow?

 You couldn’t hold back your squeal.

 *** 

Three weeks passed in a blink of an eye and your friendships with the volleyball team grew. Aneko was still going out with Eito, and that would mark their second year of dating. Unsurprisingly, they dragged you into their two year anniversary, so you were forced to third wheel with them. That was when Aneko found out that you and Akaashi were texting a lot. She gave you hell for it.

 “Four weeks,” Aneko remarked suddenly, crossing her legs as she rested against your bed.

 You glanced up from your homework, “What do you mean?”

 “You have exactly four months to live.” Hugging the pillow in her arms tighter, she looked up at you. “What are you gonna do about it?”

 “What am I supposed to do about it?” You mutter, spinning your chair around to face her. “I’ve done everything I could.”

 “But you haven’t even told him yet!” She countered, clenching her fists.

 “I don’t have to tell him anymore! He…” You trailed off, recalling the words he spoke a few weeks prior. 

                                                   “I like her very much.”

 His words carwled back into your mind and you managed a wry smile. “He said he liked someone. That’s all I heard.”

 “How do you know she isn’t you?” Jumping up from the floor, she shot you a pointed look. “Tell him you like him. There’s no point in both of you liking each other and not acknowledging it by confessing.” 

 “But what if it isn’t me? I’ll ruin a perfectly good friendship,” you argued, folding your arms over your chest as you reciprocated the look.

 She groaned, grabbing hold of your shoulders. “Then he doesn’t deserve you. You have to tell him! The whole story!”

 “No promises,” you laughed, shaking her hands off of you. “Get off!”

 She rolled her eyes, the smile seemingly stuck on her face. “I’m really happy for you, (Y/N).”

 “Thanks, Aneko,” you grinned up at her, “You’ve always supported me with everything.”

 “Then support me with a meal!”

 “Fine.”

 *** 

 Fortunately for you and Aneko, Akaashi had invited you to his usual Wednesday practice with the volleyball team. The whole team treated you like an extra manager, asking you to bring refills if they really needed it. Despite knowing that there were already two managers, you were perfectly happy with helping them out while you could. However, while the team was fine with you joining practice upon invitation, people seemed to take their enthusiasm for you being there an invitation in itself.

 One of those people just happened to be Etsudo Emiko, the blonde girl who confessed to Keiji a few weeks ago. After he plainly rejected her the first time, she decided to take it upon herself to barge into the after school volleyball training. Unfortunately, when the other managers complained about her being a distraction to the team, Etsudo brought up the fact that you were allowed to watch the practices freely. As much as the coach wanted to take their side, he knew that the only way to get rid of Etsudo was to stop allowing you to attend the practices. The problem was, while Etsudo did virtually nothing to help the team, you motivated the team in multiple ways. 

 Nevertheless, Etsudo was allowed to attend the volleyball practices if she didn’t bring anyone else to which she swiftly agreed. Hence, the three weeks of patience testing began.

 “Keiji! You did so good!” Etsudo’s high pitched voice reverberated through the gym.

 The rest of the team let out quiet groans as the girl ran down the stairs to latch onto the setter’s arm. He let out a frustrated sigh, tugging his arm away from her. Not relinquishing, she trailed after him, completely unabashed.

 “Am I the only one who hates her?” Kaori asked, her nose scrunching in disgust as she pumped a volleyball with more air. “You’re the one who likes Akaashi. I’m surprised you can even stand to be in the same room as her.”

 “She’s totally annoying,” Shirofuku Yukie, the other manager, remarked. “The whole team knows that there’s something going on between you and Akaashi.”

 You managed a small smile, “There’s nothing going on between Keiji and me. He probably doesn’t even like me that way.”

 The both gave you a piercing look. “Are you stupid?” They asked together. 

 You don’t respond, eyes trailing back to Keiji. Etsudo was still clinging onto him, pouting up at him with her big green eyes. 

 A small cough erupted from your throat, and a lone petal found its way into the palm of your hand. 

 “I have to go to the bathroom,” you said awkwardly, dropping the ball you were holding to the floor. 

 “Are you-” 

 “I’m fine,” you responded by default, “I’ll be back in ten.”

 With that, you ran out of the gym, a hand over your mouth as more petals dared to fall. 

 Why was the bathroom so far away? 

 You gasped for air as petals and thorns spilled to the ground, your tears following after them. Blue rose buds stained with blood escaped your throat as the metallic taste filled your mouth as dark red thorns scraped the delicate skin. The pads of your fingers dig into the red brick wall, the skin scratching as you dropped to your knees.

 Despite the obvious pain and the salty tears that streaked down your cheeks, you couldn’t help the sarcastic laugh that you let out. 

 “Déjà vu really is the worst.”

 A violent cough erupted once more, and you inhaled a shaky breath as more petals drifted to the concrete floor. As they did, the gentle patting of footsteps distracted you for a moment before the footsteps stopped directly beside you. Panic rose inside your chest. You needed an explanation! 

 While you wracked your brain for an excuse, a hand rested in the middle of your back. 

 “Breathe, (Y/N),” a gentle voice whispered. 

 If you died now, would Aneko kill you? 

 … Probably.

 Your coughing died down after several minutes, and you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. 

 “I’m sorry,” you mumbled, eyes trained to the mess in front of you. 

 “What are you sorry for?” Akaashi questioned, crouching down to be level with you. 

 “I’m disturbing practice, aren’t I? What’s Bokuto gonna do without you?” You shot a teasing smile at him, but it didn’t quite meet your eyes. 

 Keiji sighed at your answer. “Don’t answer with another question, (Y/N).”

 “Sorry,” you said automatically, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

 “Who is it?”

 “What?” You stuttered out a response, looking up at him for a second.

 “Who is it?” He repeated, his gunmetal eyes boring into yours.

 “Why do you want to know?” You asked, getting up from the ground to gather your mess. “It’s not important, anyway.”

 He was silent as he rose to his full 6 feet form looming over you. “Not important?” He repeated, mostly to himself than to you. “How can you say that about yourself?”

 “Well I’m obviously not lying,” you countered, pointing to the floral monstrosity at your feet.

 The muscles in his jaw tightened, and you noticed the way played with his fingers. He was worried – nervous, maybe. “You can die from this. I’m not as oblivious as you think I am.”

 A sarcastic laugh erupts from your throat, but it comes out more as a strangled chuckle. “Sure, Akaashi. Whatever you want to believe.”

 The look on his face darkens, and you avert your eyes from his. When was the last time you used his last name? His watchful eyes glanced over your face, trying to read your emotions. If he could read Bokuto, he would be able to read you, right?

 Absolutely.

 “I know you’re scared, (Y/N). You need help to get better.”

 “Do I, though?” The eye roll you pulled off had you feeling a little guilty, but at this point you were done with everything. “I don’t need to get better.”

 “Why do you keep saying that?” He demanded, the tension in the air growing thicker by the second.

 “Maybe because it’s true!”

 “I’m saying it’s not!”

 He let out a frustrated grunt, eyes shutting for a moment as he thought of what to say. “You mean a lot to everyone.”

 You scoff, “really?”

 “Have you thought about Aneko-san, your parents, the team? What about-” He stops short, shutting his jaw closed as he averted his gaze.

 “What about what?” You ask tentatively, your eyes still fixated on the mess in front of you.

 “… Me.”

 Your eyes flickered to him, the slight hunch of his shoulders as he stood.

 “Have you…” A forced smile made its way onto your face. “Have you considered the possibility that he might be you?”

 The silence that followed seemed to taunt you and you berated yourself internally. Did you hear wrong? Did he say something else? Maybe you were mistaken.

 In split seconds, you felt a pair of gentle arms surround you, wrapping you in warm embrace. You had the slight temptation to laugh – were you in some shoujo manga or something? But instead, you return the hug, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

 “I really like you, Keiji.”

 “… I really like you too.” 

***

~The End~

​Copyright Disclaimer:

All characters except for the reader and my OC’s (listed below) are the work of Haruichi Furudate (古館春一). This is not part of the canon work by any means. I do not claim ownership over the characters or the Haikyuu storyline and plot. Without Furudate Sensei’s work, myself as well as many other writers are unable to create these stories.

 My OC’s:

Fukuhara Aneko(福原あねこ)

Hasegawa Sakura (長谷川さくら)

Emiko Etsudo (えつどうえみこ)

[hopeymchope]

Magia Record: Reflecting on the Anime and the Game’s Story Ending

With Magia Record's story now complete in-game and with the anime "finished" (only the first season, but it took until literally this past weekend for the production team at Shaft to acknowledge that the second season is coming/inevitable), I have like… a ton of thoughts about where the game and the anime landed.

This will probably mostly be gripes, but overall, I'm still pretty happy with both. I've invested my past year into Magia Record during a lot of my free time, and hey – no regrets here. That game was absolutely worth the experience. The anime? Jury's still out somewhat, but it looks good so far.

This is definitely a normal thing to find surrounding a radio tower.

Anime Adaptation Thoughts:

The original Madoka Magica anime made the world feel slightly off-kilter by employing locations that were just a little off the rails from reality. The producers noted Madoka's bathroom as an important example; it's simply too large and has too much wasted space. It's maybe the biggest room in their house for no discernible reason, and that's by design, because it feels wrong. Another one was the music store we see in the first episode, where the technology is noticeably on a level that you just can't find in any real shop. On the flip side, the Magia Record anime creates a world that is deeply bizarre in many ways – much moreso than the original anime or the Magia Record game world. This is probably because the creator of the witch designs in the original was given far more creative control over the series as a whole this time around, and the result was BUGNUTS. Take note of the massive stack of discarded school desks that is arranged in a dangerous, precarious pile atop the school building (helpfully labeled as a waste pile, despite the fact that… well, who is picking up these garbage desks from the goddamn roof?). That's some imagery straight out of a witch's labyrinth, but it is ostensibly "reality." I think that's where Magia Record's anime really goes bugnuts, sometimes to powerful effect in that it makes things feel more unsettling… and sometimes to ridiculous effect. I mean, the field surrounding the radio tower now being replaced with a yard of jagged, cockeyed, towering gravestones and cross-like woodwork dangling with ropes and tridents? That's a LOT. That's… that's too much.

Look, if you were a die-hard fan of Kaede in the game, I am deeply sorry, because your girl got done DIRTY by the anime. Anyone who played the game who then sees where she winds up at the end of episode 12 is likely on a train straight to Double-You Tee Eff Station. I can't deny that it makes sense for the limited story she's given to develop across, but it was still disappointing to see. I suppose we don't really have the time to develop up all of the other characters from the game, so somebody had to sub in for this role… but oof.

Sana's backstory with her family is not nearly explained or explored enough in the show. I honestly think it comes off as confusingly unclear why they treated her like this or why they didn't notice her vanish at all. The game justifies this devastatingly well, but it feels like it's not clear at all here.

I think they could've had Kyubey run around Kamihama for part of the first season before he got ousted/blocked, and I think it would've been beneficial to do so. Now, that's not just because I love his character and find him fascinating, although that's definitely true, but it's also because there's so much exposition that I wish he could deliver to the characters about what's happened before we got here. Like, the tragic truth about Felicia's backstory is wonderfully awful, and I wish there was some way to deliver that into the anime, but I don't think it's possible without a ton of flashbacks. (And to be fair, players of the game may never know it without playing her particular Magical Girl Story.)

The change to not having Mami attack Yachiyo when they first meet was something I felt was a positive move. I loved that Mami got to have a moment she never had in the game during the Radio Tower arc, too. In generally, I enjoyed the slower, more piecemeal involvement of the original Holy Quintet, which has served as nice slow tease compared to having them be more upfront in the game. I did kind of miss the Madoka/Homura involvement in the radio tower case, but I ultimately came away feeling like it was better to save those two for later in the story because they're probably the best-known characters from the original series.

The combat soundtrack is exquisite - maybe better than ever before, honestly. The Magia Record anime has the best fight music in the series outside of, say, Rebellion.

Game's Ending Thoughts: (Spoilers Within)

The anime cutscenes in the final chapter are delightful.

Puella Magi has never shied away from having its characters die in the original anime or in the many manga stories. I'd argue that those deaths are at least part of what makes it such a successful subversion of the Magical Girl formula; the threat of death (often via witchiness) establishes the idea of there being permanent consequences that simple hope and faith and love can't overcome in spite of what those other anime may have told you. On the other hand, Magia Record turns out to have very close to zero consequences. Aside from established deaths from flashbacks that have occurred before the game even begins, by the end of the game, literally no one dies. Not even the most blatantly psychotic character is allowed to shuffle off her mortal coil; she just "disappears" and escapes. I particularly like (please note the sarcasm) how three different characters do some kind of "super-move" during the final two chapters that is said to most likely kill them, and yet they all survive them! At least ONE character winds up with some paralysis, but jeez, the others walk away completely unscathed. I can only hope the anime doesn't go quite so weak in the knees about any of the characters suffering actual consequences from the potentially-world-ending-level battles that occur.

I previously griped that I actually expected the psychos responsible for the entire storyline to get off scot-free, and although they don't get off 100% free and clear by the time the credits role, they come extremely close to doing so. However, I was really happy with the "Cherry Blossom Dreams" epilogue event, because there is dialogue in there that has the Magius admit that whatever guilt they have now, they are still capable of being complete sociopaths who want to dominate the Earth. That one person's presence (Ui) shouldn't be (and isn't) enough to keep them from being incredibly dangerous. Ultimately, the solution/punishment they receive is probably the best one available in light of their overall survival. Well done.

Speaking of the Magius, I mean… is it really possible that so many feathers never questioned that they were following a couple of 11/12-year-olds and one blatantly obvious psychotic? I guess having face time with the Magius was pretty rare, but there was still enough that some of the feathers declared their allegiance was primarily to those three above all else. And most magical girls range closer to 16 than to 11, I mean, y'know? Which is practically an eternity in terms of maturity. So I guess MIfuyu did a lot of heavy lifting on NOT making them seem like absolutely the worst possible choices for leadership, huh? (And for that reason: Mifuyu got off fucking LIGHT.)

Aaaand speaking of "one obvious psychotic," I find it funny how almost nobody knows Alina outside of her Magius role except for Karin. Because, just… it's so perfect. Karin (who is not a "Karen") happens to be the most insanely tolerant person when it comes to Alina. She seems to shrug off Alina's entire everything as amusing, forgivable quirks. Perhaps because so many people believe Karin's own obsession with Halloween is a weirdly morbid quirk, Karin doesn't even question Alina's obsession with making art about death using actual human remains. Which is… funny? No, seriously. I think it's legitimately comedic in a good way. But it should probably be much more alarming to me that she doesn't care. I'd like to think that Karen feels it's just delightfully Halloween-y for Alina to paint her canvas with legit blood, and I do believe Karin isn't really the kind of person who would ask where the blood came from because whatever, it's probably fine, better get back to planning my pageant or something. She probably even thinks Alina's skulls are plastic Halloween decorations. :P

We need to talk about Mami: Mami in "Another Story Chapter 9" felt so off and out-of-character compared to how she was written in things like Rebellion or A Different Story or Wraith Arc, and furthermore, despite that chapter being entirely about Mami wanting to just be a simple peer with no superiority over the rest of the Holy Quintet, Another Story Chapter 10 has her immediately revert back to being the smart senpai character, further cementing how weirdly "off" Chapter 9 felt. I realize they had something difficult to write, here, though. It's painful how Sayaka has to run middlewoman between Kyoko and Mami in Chapter 10 of AS. I feel like I could write a whole screed about Kyoko's behavior across the franchise and how difficult a character she is for me to like even though I "get it" and don't think she's necessarily a bad person; she's just living on the edge of being almost a total hypocrite basically ALL THE TIME. The conclusion where Kyoko acknowledges that she's going to continue to work with Mami and the others semi-regularly in spite of everything is really the best closure you can hope for with her. She's too antagonistic to give us much else, and she prefers it that way. It would take years to see her mellow.

At this point, it seems safe to assume that there isn't going to be any "season 2" of the game like what happened with Fate/Grand Order after its finale. The main narrative is well and truly done, and it's just going to be various events from here on out. Is that enough to keep me around? Um. I don't know. Probably not? Hard to say. I don't really know what other mobile game to throw my heart into. I've considered Attack on Titan Tactics, but like… Attack on Titan hasn't been kind to me lately so uhhhhh.

[ella-se-vuelve-loca]

Chapter 15

Grand Masterlist

Series Masterlist

That’s enough happy chapters for now. Let’s add some angst and a twist into the story 👀Again, I haven’t proof read it so if it’s shit, I am so sorry! Lmao I hope you like it!

Previous Chapter

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“Excuse me?”

“Oh you heard me.” I scoffed and folded my arms across my chest. “And what could he possibly be lying to me about?” He came closer and handed me his phone. “Now, I’m gonna leave this up to you if you want to hear this or not.” I looked up at him then down at his phone. “Why? What is it?”

“If you want to know the truth, then all you have to do is press play.”

I glanced down at the screen and wondered what he was talking about. The truth? About what? “Johann… I don’t think – ”

“If you don’t want to know, fine. You can continue being together and lie to yourselves.” I stood up and moved away from him, stopping for a moment as I turned to look his way. “This isn’t funny.”

“I know it’s not, but just for right now… you might wanna look..” He pointed back where everyone was at. We’re at a distance where no one could see us unless we kept walking. “Okay, I’m looking.. what am I looking at?” He mentioned over to where Joel was dancing with Emilia on the dance floor. “You see them two?” I nodded. “They seem to be dancing a little too close with each other for comfort, wouldn’t you say?”

“Johann, they’re dancing. You have to get close to each other when you’re dancing along to bachata.”

“So you don’t see anything wrong?” I shook my head. “Well.. no, not really. I trust him.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t.” My back was faced towards him as he continued speaking. “Something isn’t right and you should really be questioning these sort of things. Trust me. I know something about Joel that no one else does..” He held out his phone once again. “Dare to watch?” I shook my head. “No this.. this isn’t right.” I turned to look at him. “What he’s doing isn’t right, (Y/N).” He stood in front of me and held up his phone.

“Let me ask you a question… you said you trust him, right? Nothing will make you think differently of him?”

“If I find out and I mention it to him, he’s gonna wonder how I know about it when it didn’t come out of his mouth. He’ll start to think that I’m snooping around or something.”

“Ah but now the seed is planted in your brain, isn’t it? Curiosity killed the cat, you know? Your curiosity will make you see who he really is.” I shook my head and pushed past him, getting ready to go back to everyone else.

“Joel, what did you do?!” I heard someone’s voice as I stopped walking.

“I messed up!”

I turned around and saw him holding up his phone, showing me a video he must’ve taken. That kind of sounds like.. Joel. What did he mean by he messed up? I bit my lip and stood still, the voices in the video are almost so hard to hear.

“I should’ve listened to you and now I’m stuck with this big secret…”

A secret? I looked up at Johann and he pointed back to his phone as I continued to overhear the conversation. This is wrong… I shouldn’t be listening to this. This is gonna make me more curious and that’s not what I want. “Johann, turn it off. I can’t – ”

“Yes, I wanted to be with Emilia so much in the beginning. I was even willing to play with another girls feelings to do so..”

I slowly walked towards him as my eyes never left the phone screen, desperately trying to hear more of the conversation. I bit my lip and waited for the next line. I’m not that girl… am I?

“I never thought (Y/N) would become so important to me in the end…”

My mind was instantly filled with questions as I heard someone else start speaking.

“You’re not only hurting her, you’re hurting those around you who know about her. Imagine how Chris is gonna feel when he finds out about this! He was rooting for you, man!”

I heard more shuffling for a few more minutes until the video suddenly cut off. I stood there, unable to move. “I told you..” I looked up at him. “Joel is lying to you.” I shook my head and sniffled. “No, that’s not uh..” I cleared my throat. “That – That can’t be true. That’s not true.”

“Still don’t believe me?” He scrolled through his phone and showed me another video. “No, I don’t want to see another video.”

“You’ll be able to hear this one more clearly. No one else knows about this, but I keep cameras in my home and they record everything.” He said while pressing play. It looked like a security camera and it showed that it was only him and Joel there, no one else. It looked like Joel was by the sink, washing dishes..

“So… what’s really going on?” I heard Johann’s voice. “What do you mean?”

“Oh come on, Joel. I’m not stupid.” I heard some plates and cups softly clashing together as Joel continued washing dishes. “You were in love with Emilia a few months back and ready to do almost anything for her… what happened?”

“I met someone new and well.. here I am.”

“That quick?”

“It’s not a big deal.” I heard his voice. Please tell me that this is just some cruel prank. “Not a big deal? Joel, come on.. is this thing legit?”

Silence. We’re a real thing, aren’t we? This whole thing is not one sided, right Joel…?

“Can you keep a secret?” My breath hitched in the back of my throat, not sure if I was ready to hear his answer. “You can tell me anything, Joel. I’m your friend.” Please, Joel… don’t tell me what I think you’re going to say.

“I’m gonna be honest here.. I… I only used (Y/N) to get Emilia jealous in the beginning. That was the only reason why I talked to her in the first place.”

That was enough for me to push his phone away as I thought about his words. “Turn it off, please. I don’t want to hear anymore..” He turned off his phone and slipped it into one of his pockets. I looked up at him and covered my mouth to try to stifle my cries that wanted to come out. “This is the truth. I just thought you should know.”

“I don’t understand… I thought.. I thought that maybe..” He walked closer and placed one of his hands on my shoulder. “If you stay with him, you’re only going to get yourself hurt in the end. You’ll be in a loveless relationship that all started out as a lie.” He lifted up my chin with his index finger and thumb so I could look up at him. “You know, you should thank me. I’m doing you a favor.” I frowned and looked behind him, glancing at Joel dancing with Emilia.

I covered my face and leaned into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, bringing me closer to him as one of my hands griped onto my shirt. “I’m honest with you and we just met. He’s known you for a little while now and he couldn’t even be honest with the people he’s close with.” He pulled back and lifted my head to face him, his thumb reaching up and wiping a tear away from my face.

“Don’t cry for him, he’s not worth it.” He spoke, looking straight into my eyes. “B – But, Joel.. he – ”

“You don’t want to ruin everyone’s night with your drama, right? To have everyone remember you as the girl who cried at Christopher’s cookout… now you don’t want that, do you?” He gave me a small smile and played with a strand of my hair that fell from my face as I shook my head. “No, you need to take care of him in private. Let him really know how you feel and when you’re done…” His hand reached down into my back pocket and took out my phone. “You give me a call.”

I looked at my phone in his hands as he typed in his number. “Why?” I asked as he handed me back my device. “Trust me, being alone sucks and I can be your shoulder to cry on.” I gave him a confused look. “I’m just trying to be a friend..” I didn’t realize how close he actually was to me as I could now feel his breath against my cheek. “S – Stop..” I mumbled as I pulled away from him. His touch felt wrong.

He sighed and rubbed his thumb against my cheek. I stood there in front of him, wondering where this was going. “If you ever need someone to vent to or..” His hand slowly slid down and traced my collarbone as I slowly backed away from him, stopping his movements. “If you need someone to help get your mind off of him, a distraction if you will, you have my number..” He winked and turned to walk back to the party, leaving me to stand there alone. I feel confused, hurt, angry, disappointed… I thought what we had was genuine. I thought we were real.

I wrapped my arms around myself as I slowly walked back to where everyone was. My eyes darted all over until I found who I wanted to talk to. “Vicky?” She turned around to look at me, the smile on her face disappearing once she looked at mine. “Hey, are you okay?” I shook my head. “No I just.. I need to get out of here.” I don’t want to make a scene and ruin everyone’s night.

“Okay uh let me go and get Andrea and Joel.” She and quickly ran off before I could tell her to not tell him. She left to go and collect our other friend as I tried to get my thoughts in order. I’m glad she didn’t ask why, I don’t know if I would be able to say anything. I was nobody to him. I was just somebody that was there at the right place and right time for him. How could I have been so stupid? To think, I actually thought… I thought he liked me. Stupid, (Y/N). Always getting your hopes up.

After a few minutes, I had looked over and saw Johann standing there, looking at me with a knowing look on his face as I turned my head away from him. “You’re leaving already?” I heard Christopher’s voice. “Yeah um we have work in the morning and it’s getting late.” I heard Vicky tell him. Thank you for not mentioning me. “When will I see you again?” I feel horrible taking her away from him tonight. She deserves a chance at love.

“Give me your phone and I’ll type my number in..” A few seconds of silence passed between them two before I heard him chuckle. “I’ll call you.” He spoke. “I’ll be waiting..” I know her so well to know that she was smiling. I saw Andrea and Joel walking my way towards me as I tried to put on a brave face.

“(Y/N), mi amor, there you are! Victoria told me that you weren’t feeling very well. Are you okay?” Joel came up to me and grabbed one of my hands, intertwining our fingers together. His touch felt like fire and not like the “burning love” sort of feeling, but one where I just couldn’t bear to have him touch me.

“I’m um.. not feeling very well.” He bit his lip and nodded. “Okay, I’ll get the car started and I’ll drive you home.” He walked away and went towards the front of the house, but stopping for a moment as he said his byes to Emilia. I can’t blame her for Joel’s actions. I don’t think she even knows about this.

“Thank you so much for having us.” I spoke to Christopher as we passed by him. “Thank you so much for coming by! You guys drive safe, yeah?” He smiled as we walked towards the front. Joel stood by his car waiting for us. “I got it, baby.” He opened the front door for me as I hesitantly got in, my friends going through the back. “Alright, let’s get you girls home.”

~~

“Thank you so much for driving us, Joel.” Andrea said as she unbuckled her seatbelt. “Ahh it’s no problem. I hope you guys had fun.”

“Be safe driving home!” Victoria spoke as she got out of the car. “I’ll um meet you girls inside. I’ll be there in a few minutes..” They nodded and walked towards the front of the house, getting in. Joel sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, chuckling. “Whew.. you know, I gotta be honest. I was so nervous for you to meet my friends. I’m glad they didn’t tell that  many embarrassing stories.” He said. “I’m honestly so ecstatic that you finally got to meet them.” He turned to look at me, but I kept looking down at the phone that rested on my lap not saying a single word to him.

“… So, Victoria and Chris seemed to be having a lot of fun together tonight, didn’t they? I bet they have, or are about to, have a thing going on together really soon. Don’t you think so?” He smiled but I stayed the exact same. “Hey, are you okay? Are you still not feeling well?” I turned and looked at him, my eyes glossy with tears wanting to fall. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Baby, tell me what’s going on.”

“I told you that I’m fine.” I wanted to scream.. to cry.. to yell.. to hit him.. I wanted this night to be over with as soon as possible.

“Okay..” He turned around in his seat so he could fully face me and sighed. “What’s going on? You were fine not even an hour ago. What changed?” I bit my lip and turned to fully face him. “Joel, I’m gonna give you a chance to take a strong shot of honesty and tell me something. One thing, that’s all I want to know..” I’m really afraid to ask him this. I’m fucking terrified.

“What’s the real reason why you came up to talk to me when we met at Late Bar?” You could almost feel the tension in the air as his breathing became slower. “What are you talking about?”

“Answer the question.” It stayed silent between us as it became more and more harder to breathe sitting in this car with him. Why is he taking so long to answer me? Why is he hesitating? I can feel the tears just begging to fall down, but I’m stubborn and refused to let him ruin my make up even more. His gaze stayed on mine as realization dawned on his face. “… You know…” He whispered, as if confirming to himself what we both feared. “Oh my God..” I turned away from him and opened the door, getting out and slamming it behind me. He followed after as I started walking towards my house. “Wait! (Y/N)!”

He grabbed my hand before I snatched it away from him. “Sueltame!” I cried. “No, please! Let me explain! I’ll.. I’ll tell you everything!” I stopped in front of him and cleared my throat. “You’re just a liar..” He frowned. “That was before. I – I swear! I didn’t.. I didn’t know.. just please. Let’s talk about this.”

“What else is there to talk about? This whole time.. this whole time we were together, you fucking lied straight to my face!” I cried out. “None of it was real..”

“I.. yes, okay? It was horrible for me to even consider doing this in the beginning, I know.. but then I got to know you.” He held a sad smile on his face and tried once again to grab my hand. “And it was real, I swear to you! All of those kisses, stories, hugs.. all of it. Baby, please don’t – ”

“Don’t call me that. You don’t have the right to call me that anymore.” I sniffled and moved my hair out of my face. “This…” I motioned my hand between the two of us. “Is done. Whatever we had… is over.” I turned around and started walking up the steps to my house. “What do you mean “over”? I’m not done.” He spoke.

“But I am.” Spinning around to face him once more. “No, (Y/N), please.. let me.. let me make it up to you. I’ll do anything you want, just please… don’t let me go.”

“You’ll do anything?”

“Yes, anything. Just name the price and it’s done!”

“Lose my number..”

“… W – What?” It’s like I can literally feel my heart breaking. “Do you need me to say it again?” I just want to curl up into a ball and let the floor swallow me whole.

“Please, do us both a favor and lose it. We’re done.” I didn’t say anything else as I walked away from him, leaving him standing outside my house as I walked in, shutting the door behind me. “(Y/N)?” I heard Andrea walking my way. She stood in her pj’s, having changed out of her party clothes as she looked at me.

“Is everything okay?” I shook my head and looked down at my phone. “No.. I just found out that everything between us was a lie.. it was a complete lie.” I looked up at her as tears slid down my face.

“I’m far from okay..”

Next Chapter

~~

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[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

1. Part 2

I am hot, straight feeling the heat go up in this place. Staring at her pink robe flowing through the crowd of people, she calmly walked by the group of people, shawty picks and chooses who she wants to speak too and it just shows how without a care she just walks by them, I need to stop staring right now. Looking down at the paper plates Robyn so kindly cleared away from me, she knew me and she knew I was not having a good time with it, she knows me so well “so” feeling a hand on my shoulder and a slight push, Mijo has wormed his way back “what?” the biggest smile formed on my face not knowing what to say to him “what is it?” I repeated, he is smirking at me trying to pick at something “come on now? I was watching?” licking the side of my mouth looking over at where Robyn walked off too “we just spoke, she just said well this is awkward, even she knew it was awkward and then we just had a little joke but if shawty comes back I am going to need you to disappear” I am here just looking for her again, I want her to come back already “you are like an excited child, but disappear where? Where you want me to go when I am here with you! These niggas don’t like me, same with you” he has a point, but I rather be alone “ok I am the third wheel, this fat nigga will go and eat yes? But you better be quick, just signal me to go” makes me think now, did Robyn really go to pee or is she just running off “get this, I heard one of the girls speaking while I was getting my cake. They were saying how early Robyn is leaving in the morning, they complaining that they can’t get drunk at all” I had to laugh at the information Mijo is telling me right now because shawty is out here getting drunk herself “you know shawty is drinking but she told them they can’t? That is very typical of Robyn, she ain’t shit” shaking my head laughing, I feel great joy to be in the presence of her or even she talking to me, in a weird way I feel secure because she is there for me, like nobody will say a wrong word to me because of her.

Grabbing my phone from my pocket “oh shit” I breathed out, my daughter is calling me and I cannot ignore that “niece is calling, pick it up” Mijo was quick to jump in “yeah, yeah” answering the call “hey stink, you checking on daddy now?” the music is blaring out so I mean I can’t hide where I am “dad Aeko broke my doll, he keeps breaking things!” Royalty and her complaints “I can get you a new one but is this why you called me?” laughing to myself, she is a character “not really, he keeps following me too. You need to deal with him dad, he is annoying too” I can hear Aeko in the background “I promise I will speak to him but love him, he is a baby he doesn’t understand. You know” oh wow, Robyn is back. Wow, she is so beautiful, I miss that body “dad!” Royalty shouted “yes I am here, just be nice to him” oh god, Robyn is coming to me “she is back, I will disappear but hurry up” Mijo raised his glass to Robyn “eating again!?” she half shouted, Mijo was not impressed “Ro, I will speak to you tomorrow. I promise, I will be there with you and we can deal with him” Robyn eyed me up, oh she is here in front of me now “yes! Operation tell Aeko off, hear that!” she yelped out “yes, uh. I got to go ok” I disconnected half way hearing Royalty saying love you, looking down at my phone feeling guilt that I did that “busy?” Robyn asked, shaking my head.

Mijo side eyed me, Robyn is the one going back and forth bringing drinks “shot for the road?” Robyn shouted over the music, nodding my head smiling. I mean I am not going to say no to her, what kind of man would I be. I don’t even drink Corona but here she is, bringing me beer and I don’t drink it “I got it” grabbing the bottles from her “you are bringing the bar here?” I laughed placing the bottles on the side “why not, it’s not like I always get to drink with an old friend now? Come on, I have no lemon or salt, so this is just going in raw” like a goof I am, of course I found this hilarious, laughing to my hearts content and so did Robyn. Taking the shot glass from her “so you ready? We gwan link arms, carefully put your arm around mine and then drink?” let me carefully put my arm around Robyn’ close as ever, and I haven’t been this close to her in a while now. Staring at Robyn’ face and I am just so loss “ready?” she said, nodding my head. Robyn downed the shot and I followed behind her “ugh!” moving back “oh shit” that burns, moving back as I gagged “you serious” Robyn placed her hand on my arm “don’t be so weak, here” Robyn held a bottle of Corona in my face “drink it” taking the bottle from her, her hand went back to the very place she had it, a little concerned. Drinking the beer “I know damn well you hate Corona too” Robyn said laughing at me, she is dumb and annoying because she knows “nah, you can have it now. You really giving me trash” Robyn licked her top lip taking the bottle from me “you’re used to that now, come on Christopher” shaking my head at her, I need some water after that shit.

Mijo left, he legit ditched me and said make your way back yourself and I am ok here but he is not wrong I am having too much fun here and things seem to be dying out like people are going and I am still here. Dragging my head up seeing Robyn’ pink flowing robe gracefully graze my lap, she is so sexy and she knows it “another drink?” this time she has got liquor and is currently using her middle finger to mix it, I though she was going to sit away from me on the couch but no, she sat right next to me “it has been a while since we have actually sat here and laughed, and at the most stupidest shit” Robyn tucked her legs up on the couch, her legs just slightly on the side just on my lap “I have enjoyed it, I won’t lie. I was nervous coming here because with everything that has gone on, you could have easily hated me for it, the whole nine” my mouth slightly open as Robyn literally deepthroated her middle finger, my lips are dry. Clearing my throat “we are crashing here tonight!” some bald headed nigga sat on the table across from us “oh comfy, look at this” he clapped his hands, seems a little sarcastic to me “why you telling me for nigga” Robyn asked “well people are going home, you know” he eye balled her “ok, you can also go home too. We are having a conversation here!” I am not getting involved at all “oh ok, bitch” he got up from the table, I just wanted to test something, resting my arm lightly just on her knee with my hand hanging freely “who is that?” I asked, “you don’t stalk me that much then do you?” I turned my face and it was literally like we near kissed “my bad” looking away “but I don’t actually, just sometimes” I chuckled “he is Jahleel, my stylist. Sometimes, you know. Sometimes!” Robyn said sometimes with such bass “mhmm you miss me?” I asked, hearing a deep chuckle in my ear “sometimes” she laughed out, she is annoying “come on” Robyn got up from her position “too many prying eyes, judgemental as fuck! Piss me off” Robyn is not happy, looking around us and I don’t see the issue but maybe she does, I am confused on what is wrong “come on!” Robyn barked grabbing the Ace of Spades from the side, let me follow her.

I am acting like I haven’t been in Robyn’ bedroom before, I mean it’s out of respect because I do love and respect Robyn a lot “sit down, on the couch if you want or the bed, whatever you desire” rubbing my hands together a little nervous about the whole exchange but let me listen “I have glasses in this room, for those lonely nights” she giggled behind me “I know how that feels” sitting down on the couch, I mean the bed is a lot you know, I don’t know. Checking my phone before I turn it off, I don’t want nobody to call me at all or to interrupt this because I have stupid people calling me, my phone switched off “for you” she placed the glass in front of me, dropping my phone to the side of me “thank you” dragging my eyes up Robyn’ body, holy shit she has taken the robe off, she is my friend now but I can literally see her nipples through that. She walked off and I just drank whatever she poured me, I need it right now but I am not about to sit here and play like that, I care about Robyn too much and she deserves my respect even if I am aroused right now “you like my giant bean bag” watching Robyn tug at the thing, splashes of drink spilling as she tugged and tugged “that is close enough” she jumped onto the giant bean bag, a light chuckle left me with a smirk “why did you leave out there? What was wrong out there?” I am intrigued to know why she got annoyed “I don’t like my people telling me what to do or staring at me either it’s rude for you too. I am just thinking of you too, we are just talking too” leaning forward with my drink in hand “I am used to it, even if they were. Who cares” winking at her “it’s like we don’t really speak in a way and we don’t’ see each other like that, it’s like one of those taboo things and it’s pretty boring” nodding my head in agreement.

Placing my glass down at the side of me, I finished that. Looking at Robyn “you roll a good blunt boo” Robyn blew the smoke out from her lips, I grinned while allowing myself the luxury of staring and admiring her exquisite features. Her eyes sparkled as the smoke covered her face and I wondered what was going on in that beautiful mind of hers. She is thinking, I know it “has fatherhood changed you?” that, that word and hearing it from her lips it made me feel a type of way “if you asking me if it filled a void then no, it’s just what it is” I didn’t want her to ask that, I didn’t want her to speak on it but she did “we both grown now Chris, who would have thought. You got two kids, I didn’t have any but here we are. Like this, I do. I do think back to a lot. Mostly when I am drunk, but I do and I miss it, at times. This is why it is easier to not speak to you, hurts less” licking my lips looking away from her “I have a little too much to say tonight” she laughed at herself, looking at Robyn in sadness “and I am always here for you. But you had a whole Saudi man you were hiding but fucking so like? I don’t know what you were looking for in a man like that” watching Robyn smoke her blunt “a change, stability, to be a mother. I don’t know but that is old news, just like everything else but I am happy, I am happy for you” leaning forward and resting my arms on my legs smiling at her “don’t be, nobody wants to be me. I am happy for you, like you a real ass queen from the islands. Go on with your bad self, you know I be rooting for you in the backgrounds. You have done so much more and you are still doing it now” Robyn giggled leaning forward on the bean bag as she put out the blunt, she blew the smoke in my face “I can’t help everyone, I sure in hell can’t even help myself. Like when I saw you I was like not him and it’s not because I hate you, I don’t. Because only we know how much we love each other and only we know how we feel when we see each other, and that is a bond only we know” Robyn has got a point “you still get on my nerves anyways” I chuckled watching Robyn finish the contents of her drink.

It is so hard to look at Robyn’ face when her boobs are just there “you looking at my tits? You men are so easily pleased” I laughed out before placing my head on my arms laughing still, hiding my shame. That is so shameful that I got caught, hearing Robyn laughing also, feeling her hand on my arm “we know each other inside and out anyways, it’s you” lifting my head up grinning wide “I know it’s you, we dumb and drunk” Robyn pulled herself closer to me “you know I love you still, I wish things were different” I was cut off as a pair of lips came crashing into my own and I pulled back reluctantly, her hazel eyes questioned me. I lowered my head to her, pressing my lips against hers and it lingered there for a moment, savouring the moment. Pinching myself to feel if this is real, no comeback of what I am doing, just Robyn allowing me to kiss her. The kiss is filled so much emotion that I felt I was going to cry but I stopped myself, Robyn moved back from the lingering kiss. The back of her hand lightly touched the side of my face and I moved my head to kiss her hand, Robyn came in for another kiss but this time she meant business.

A small smile slightly grew on each other’s lips both acknowledging whatever was going to happen. Because just like that we both butt ass naked and a drunk mess “I really fucking hate you” our battle to put a condom on has to be the funniest thing for the both of us “us? I do too” I stretched her legs out until they created a V shape “but that is us” I slid back home “ah” Robyn breathed out as I paused in that position “yes” her hand on my chest, I moved back and then went in, repeatedly. I am going to cum early, I just know it. I went into her again and again. Robyn reached behind grabbing the couch. Holding on to something, anything that she could grasp. Robyn has to be the best pussy on earth, I am not even with it and I am feeling this. Pulling out of Robyn, I need to not cum quick “turn” Robyn smirked, but I helped her off the couch, flip her over while falling over each other. I got on my knees behind her and admired her backside, I had to admit she had a spectacular ass, running the tip of my dick across her clit. Gripping her hips, I slammed Robyn back on my length until I filled her. She thrust her ass back at me and arched her back until she formed a U shape. The sound of our skin slapping filled the room along with our heavy breathing. Robyn gasped, her breast wildly jerking back and forth “fuuucckkkk!” she screeched loudly, she looked back at me over her shoulder and I smiled smugly at what I saw in her eyes, her bottom lip trembled and her legs shook when I picked up speed and stroked into her madly. Robyn dropped her head on the floor and fell flat on her stomach “yesss” I continued to fuck her at the speed of light. Placing my hands flat on the ground, I dropped with her and picked up a slow and steady rhythm.

I grabbed her hands and clasped them between mine, interlocking our fingers together and nuzzled the side of my face against her neck “uhhh, I love you” I  whispered out a deep groan in her ear “yes, yes” Robyn whimpered as her walls clenched and she began to unravel. I rolled my hips and deepened my strokes. I grunted out her name “fuck Robyn!” I froze as I felt myself unravel, I knew I was going to cum, but Robyn did, feeling her pulsating around me. Robyn let the biggest moan out which went down to my dick. I sighed deeply and dropped my forehead to her shoulder, tightening my embrace around her, we laid there connected for a lifetime. Simply catching up on our breathing, allowing our bodies to cool down and our slowing climax to completely roll through us. Lifting my head up, pressing a kiss to the side of Robyn head, Robyn turned her head to me catching my lips with hers.

[baylegend]

Sasha Banks: Back with a Vengeance

Sasha Banks, The Legit Boss

The Legit Boss is a complex character. She’s arrogant, cocky, aggressive and will take you out if you get in her way. Whilst most heels in the division play the cowardly, high-school bully who has to cheat to get the win, Sasha doesn’t play that way. She’s confident in her abilities and she knows how good she is. She will do whatever it takes to win, even if it means putting her own body on the line. She can be mean and ruthless if she needs to be and what matters most to her is being at the top. Sasha thrives as a heel. That’s when she’s in her element. She’s narcissistic and a bit of an egomaniac. It’s all about her and she she has to be in the spotlight. Nothing else matters but that.

“The Greatest To Never Be Great”

We saw The Legit Boss in NXT but this character has been held back on the Main Roster. Sasha’s demeanour changed during her rivalry with Charlotte in 2016. She wanted to be the hero, the good guy. She wanted the respect of the fans. But she lost at every turn. She could never defend the title successfully. She got another chance when she beat Alexa in 2017, but lost the title again on her first defence. She’s been in almost all the “first-ever” matches, but she always came up short. Something has changed. Her confidence was knocked and she had nothing. But at least she wasn’t alone, she had Bayley.

“If You’ve Got A Back, Sasha Banks Has A Knife”

So a year passes by and Sasha sees the opportunity to win the first ever women’s Royal Rumble. This is her chance to be a big deal again. She betrays Bayley but still gets eliminated. That was The Boss making a breakthrough. The Boss also comes out in the Elimination Chamber, when she betrays Bayley again. There’s a part of Sasha that thinks Bayley is holding her back. Bayley is in the way of Sasha’s success. But the smile she has on her face every time she turns on Bayley - that look of satisfaction - it isn’t just about betraying Bayley, it’s about being The Boss again. The thrill of being the bad guy, she misses it.

Another Chance

Her and Bayley are eventually able to resolve their issues and they’re good again. She realises that she doesn’t need to take out Bayley because that’s the only person who truly has her back. So things are good again.

Then Sasha gets the opportunity to face Ronda Rousey. This is Sasha’s chance to get the gold. She misses being champion. She knows that the tag titles are in the future but this is the present. So The Boss starts to break through again. Sasha is very vicious from the beginning. Telling Ronda she’s a nobody and she’s going to teach her how to lose with class. The viscousness plays out in the match as well. Countering Ronda at every turn and going for some brutal submissions, Sasha is desperate to win this match. She even uses her arm-band to lock in the Bank Statement. She has a lot to prove. She needs to remind everyone how good she is. This is her chance to become a 5x women’s champion. But she loses. Defeated and disgraced, she walks away...with a smile on her face. Maybe it’s because she knows she could still get a chance at the tag titles with Bayley. Maybe she has a plan. Or maybe she once again got a taste of what it felt like to truly be The Boss.

Enough is Enough

Sasha and Bayley win the inaugural tag team titles at Elimination Chamber and all is good. She finally has the gold again. This is her chance to be a successful champion and have a long title reign. But they lose the belts at Wrestlemania. This was Sasha’s chance to finally get that big win but they come up short. She’s had enough. Sasha Banks disappears for four months.

MIA

While all this was happening, Becky Lynch is having the greatest run of her career. Winning the Royal Rumble, winning at mania, defeating ‘The Baddest Woman on The Planet’, she’s the face of the company. But Becky is bored. Bored because she has to face Charlotte for the 100th time. Bored because she has to face Lacey over and over again. So she teases Sasha on social media. And calls her out whenever she gets the chance. She knows she needs a good challenger. She knows Sasha is one of the best in the game. She has history with Sasha. In NXT, Sasha told Becky she made her. Now Becky is champion and needs a worthy adversary. But Sasha is MIA. Becky figures, if she keeps poking the bear, she’ll get a response sooner or later. But Sasha never responds.

“New blue hair, same true colours”

Sasha returns they day after Summerslam. She interrupts Natalya’s tribute to her father. On her way to the ring, she stops to hug two little girls, even gives them her rings. She hugs Natalya and tells her her father would be proud of her- then sucker punches her. She takes off her purple wig and reveals a new look. She has blue hair now. With a smile on her face, she brutally attacks an already injured Natalya before Becky comes out. Sasha focuses on Becky and decimates her with a chair. What everyone wants to know is why? Why has Sasha been gone? Why did she attack Natalya and Becky?

“She remembered who she was and the game changed.”

Sasha Banks took time away to reflect on her career. She needed to remember who she truly was. For months, she’s been posting lyrics and quotes about butterflies, growth and her evolution. Sasha has always been The Boss, albeit toned down for the past couple of years. But she’s realised that being nice and safe, hasn’t gotten her anywhere. She’s done things the right way for too long. Even her partnership with Bayley didn’t get her back to the top of the mountain. She’s been holding back. She’s been fighting this feeling for a long time now. An internal battle. Being the hero, the one little girls can look up to, or being true to herself? Being The Boss she really is.

She came back with a vengeance. The night she returned, she came to make a statement. Sasha has always had a flair for the dramatic and that’s why she wore the wig and even pretended to be nice before she struck Natalya. She was giving everyone a false sense of security. She knew she’d been missed. But she wanted to make it clear that she was not the same person anymore. It wasn’t even about Natalya. Nattie just happened to be there. It could have been anyone else, but Natalya was an easy target. She was already injured and Sasha just wanted to hurt someone. As for Becky, she just got in the way. Of course Sasha had seen everything Becky had said about her. Sasha has seen everything every one has been saying and but she never responded. She doesn’t care, after all. People-pleasing never got her anywhere. She knows they’re all beneath her.

“Pissed Off For Greatness.”

Sasha is back to take and destroy. She’s playing with Becky for now. She hasn’t responded for months so why respond now? She’s cold and calculating. She’s smart. She is sending a message: you’re not worth my time. At least not right now. She’s using Nattie as a plot device. She’s showing how ruthless she can be. She doesn’t care what anyone thinks. She doesn’t need the fans, they turned on her ages ago. They saw her as the girl who couldn’t get the job done. They saw her as “the greatest to never be great.” Bayley isn’t there anymore. She has no one to hold her back. She has nothing to lose and everything to gain. She got a taste of that when she faced Ronda. The freedom to be The Legit Boss. It’s been bubbling for years. She knows what she needs to do get the gold and keep it this time. The way she did in NXT.

It’s a new era of The Boss.

[garbagegrimoire]

podcast notes week 1

Here are the notes I had going into the podcast recording for week 1. 

There are some spoilers in here & all of the doodle/synopsis posts have not yet dropped but the episode is recorded & here we gooooo...

Train to Busan

Starting out strong with a zombley deert (to speak in cursed rickyisms).

Giving his kid some yuppie bullshit talk & almost gets them clobbered in traffic, great dad.

Damn that escalated quickly. Why did it take so long for the first lady to turn but the others are like instantaneous?

The shots, effects, & choreography in this movie are crazy!

The grandma has lucid moments before changing which seems more than what the passengers got. & she used them to break hearts.

Ohhh he's a “fund manager,” ofc he's a dick.

Watching a zombie movie during a pandemic hits different.

I like that the bad ass in this movie is a soon to be dad with a dad bod & he's also a boomer who doesn't know how to change his ringtone.

Okay, they’re officially fit daddy & dad bod.

Okay legit tears at dad bod sacrificing himself even though I knew it was coming.

LOL young capitalist bastard fighting old capitalist bastard

This is capitalism & I hate it. OFC the motherfucker willing to screw over everyone else even if he doesn't need to prevails nearly to the end.

We need a zombie killing axe... Oh wait, nevermind, a shoe is good too.

Oh wow, that shit is poignant. The most ruthless capitalist of the group having a mama moment before he changes.

I'm sitting here yelling, get his nards, fit daddy! Do the nuts still have any effect?

Oh shit, fit daddy is infected. Human bites are gross.

This sucks, I hate it. :(

OH FUCK WHY DO THEY MAKE IT WORSE OMG!

& worse.

I didn't want to cry this much, not fair.

Re-Animator

Ooh, my German 101 skills are tingling.

Chaos nerd is everything in this scene. You wondrous ball of absolute cheese.

The security guard saying "Nobody wants in & ain't nobody getting out" is the Chekov's gun of this movie.

Fuckin’ nerd talk. Do either of you even lift? Why don't you duke this out in a tables, ladders, & chairs match?

I don't feel great about that transition between her playfully saying "no" & them full plowing. Greeeeeassy.

I'm with the cat on this one — scratch him!

"The world's last living puritan." LOL, come to eastern Washington tho.

How in the world is this lady's creep radar going off w nerdboy but not with the creepy old man trying to bang her?

They did a few things really well with this cat thing. Because usually I could not DEAL with violence against a pet. First the dead cat doesn't look anywhere near realistic, nonetheless once it's reanimated. Also, there's no like huge emotional connection between the character & the cat because the only experience the viewer has with it prior to it dying is it scratching his back after he's done banging, which I mean, solid choice there kitty.

"Because it's maaaad?" Best line in this mf movie.

I like how quick Halsey turns on nerdboy who he was stoked on like two days later. All because he insulted the creepy old man?

"Here's your meatball!" Writers were A+ obv.

"I know you're all by yourself now." Ew no. Again, she reacts to something other than the creepy old guy trying to bang her. PLEASE REACT, maybe punch him in the face or move to a different state without notifying anyone.

I’m dying, it looks like he's dribbling cherry applesauce out of his mouth.

This is the corniest, dumbest break up scene I've ever watched.

So once they're lobotomized they have like a mind link with the old guy head? Alright...?

Okay so we've arrive. This scene is fucking pure unadulterated cringe & makes me feel like I need to take several showers & drink bleach.

"Get a job & a sideshow." This entire movie is this nerd & that's what I'm here for.

How is there this seemingly endless supply of this green ooze? Also this reminds me of TMNT.

LOL the murderous colon strikes.

I'm very confused on the rules of what stays alive & how. Like the hand is still twitching but the guy in the hallway is dead?

Nothing gore-wise has bothered me so far but the chest compression sound is gross.

This guy is the worst. If he loved her he'd let her die.

Plan 9 From Outer Space

"Future events such as these will affect you in the future." You don’t say, friend.

Hillabilly gravediggers saying "sorta spooky like" is the mood here.

The scream is so good. 

A conspiracy theorist manifesto delivered on a suburban patio made entirely out of wicker.

The walking dead in this movie are so much more chill than the last two, just saying. Like if you're going to kill me, fine, but be chill about it.

"The earth people who can think are so frightened by those who cannot — the dead." Truuuuuuu. Thinking sucks, bro.

The pillow talk is all kinds of weird.

Hey, I know you're worried too, but because you're a child that can't care for herself, make sure you lock the doors because that's something a feeble woman wouldn't remember to do.

"You are on the verge of destroying the entire universe." Ooof this hits different now.

Yeah, it's old timey & corny but there are some seriously artsy scenes in this. I love the glowing trees.

Vampira is aesthetic goals if: I was more feminine, if I gave a fuck, if anyone ever looked at me, lol.

If some big dead dude was coming for you why in the hell would you just stand there or sit there & scream? Like these are the easiest monsters to escape from, you all are so gd slow.

That's it, I'm dressing up as one of these aliens for Halloween. All I need is some black pants, a belt, & a shiny purple shirt.

LOL little green men. Shoot first, ask questions later. Get all the tropes in there buck-o.

I just realized the dude alien is called Eros & I'm laughing. Total heartthrob. "You're always right, Eros." Fucking yuuuck. Miss me with all of this.

Holy trigger happy.

Explode the actual particles of sunlight. LOL, OMG "STRONGER NATION THAN NOW." These fucking nationalist trashbags.

Yes, of course aliens are religious too. & the're sexists. OH MY GOD IM GOING TO THROW THE MONITOR OUT THE WINDOW STAHP!

This was so much. I mean it's the old humans are dumb, violent animals & need to be gently led or annihilated. Okay, that can be true. But the aliens here needed to FOAD too.

Dead Birds

Is Mark Boone Jr in everything & will he die early? (yes)

Very aesthetic theme

Bank manager's whiskers are on point. 

The fuck? Oooh racist, niiiiice. I hate everyone all the time.

Yup this is how bank robbers would behave, wanting to kill of members of the gang to get a bigger share.

Gross, just listening into their friends banging, being creepy.

Is it turning into a bear? (Ohhh, the footprints)

Okay one of these dudes actually has something like a conscience, good to know, still hate him.

54 minutes in & I'm getting real bored.

Good jump scare w the little girl.

Okay the lady in the barn was too much for me. Gore was too much.

"There are worse things than dying" Best line.

Okay first I was like "that's not vomit, it's too white" & then I realized she'd been in bed with her dude earlier & yelled "ew, is she puking cum?" at my computer because that's where my dumpster fire of a brain goes.

Poor horses :(

He just disappeared? TF?

Nah, I’m not feeling this.

[sassaetcie]

The Molten Charcoal (Idia x Silver fic) : Chapter 2

Enjoy this second chapter :) Please reblog if you like, or comment, I love to see your comments,,, 

I... went outside my room. The corridors were pretty chilly... I guess I should really go outside, huh. What if I spread the curse here, though? If some ice were to be born here, to be blossoming peacefully, or furiously, no melting would even be bestowed upon them. Only my flames would remain. Only I will remain... somehow. The darkness were soothing, though. They don't burn, after all. I should ask someone to use dark magic to boost my computers, lol. Nevermind. I didn't meet anyone, of course. All of Ignihyde's students aren't giving a shit, anyway. If we were to come across each other, we would both stare at the void and walk as if no one was there. My legs hurt a bit, tho. Less than in PE and after PE and the day after but still... I walked for a few minutes at least. Maybe I was just hungry... I was so stressed I couldn't tell lmao. But the corridors were so quiet and chilly... I'm just annoyed our colors are black (tho it's not really a color) and blue... Can't blue just fucking disappear. Hmm... if blue were to "fucking disappear", Ortho would as well kflgldlnf,. I'm stupid. He even called me some... time ago, I think? I should check the hour from time to time... What if I miss some event???

My "date" with Silver is in 6 days, probably. Why would he call it a date if he doesn't know I'm in love, though... I guess Ortho really saw through me and wasn't joking with my Prince Ideal?! Is he going to shoot Truth Bullet in my face and make me the only victim of this love trial?! Six days, tho... I'll have to see Silver... I've already met him so it won't be as awkward as the first time but... Do I even have the right to love him, anyway? I probably have, but I can't fulfill my lovey dovey dream, LOL. Even if he were to love me... Even if he is a Prince... That's the way I should behave as the future Shroud Family Head. I should wed someone of my "rank". But if I do, how many responsibilities will be pushed upon our shoulders? I can not just marry him, that's right. But he is still a "prince". I won't ever wed a fucking prince. Wouldn't that mean fulfilling my kin's wish? I don't. fucking. want. to. I don't want to be a Shroud. I am just... Idia... I am just Idia... And if the prince's ideal was just something I started to wish after what happened back then? What if I don't really love Silver but just love his aura? That's it, right... Sorry, Ortho, I really can't be in love with Silver, huh. There's no way I truly love. That's just another delusion. I'm just a stupid kid. I'm just a stupid adult. Whatever. This delusion is sweet, huh? That will last some time. And it'll vanish. I can't love a prince since it would be a Shroud's fate. I want to love the Prince Charming since I want to be saved. Couldn't I just love the sweet and caring senpai ideal?! Guess I went the hardcore mode because I'm rich and used to opulence, lol. I still got six days... I guess Ortho will knock my door like hell when the time shall come, anyway. That makes me going outside at least five times to be prepared... Welp, I'll just play some games and read the lessons's content Ortho has sent me. Lol.

[Started Recording at : 11 am : Second??? Day]

[May contain fragments and shattered data]

[The user has deemed preferable to let them be.]

-LET'S FUCKIIIING GOOOOO

-What do you mean, dude? ... trying my best. No... really.... serious!

The room next to Ortho was definitely reflective of Idia's moods. His shouting and screaming and screeching and howling were as reversed as his flame hair. He was not a bother when he let his voice ramble... He was not annoying either.

-I'm... best DPS! Y'all can't outrun my skiiiiiiiiills!

He was just acting so happily. His little brother sat on the bed he had been offered by the school, in the room the school had offered him, in the world he had been offered. The covered by some shades of blue, very likely azure, bed, was probably soft.

-GOOD GAME y'ALLLLL! I'm... play... See y'all!

-Huh? If I want to stay in the... channel? Sure~! What do... wanna talk about, though?

He did not need to go outside to seek happiness. They knew about that. His flames barely had enough sense in existing, and could erase all of the logic they were looking for. This story did not make any sense. Should this story make sense? He was a half, after all. This should make sense. But why?

-Yeah, WyverneCastel? I.... yeah... need... later. If you can, ... course!

The next lesson would soon begin. It was better to stop Recording right now.

[Ended Recording at 11:30 am : Second??? Day]

Tbh, I only had good games so far. No Internet problems (of course, since I usually fix them, NRC is so fucking slow when it comes to administration and solving problems LOL), no Internet problems for my team, no server crash... I kind of like to solve little stuff like that, to be fair... Like, I didn't really use to when I was younger. Well, until a certain incident, of course... Maids and butlers would just bring sweets, cupcakes, forêt noire, macaron, lemon pie, millefeuille, sachertorte, éclair, tropézienne, chou à la crème, mochi, dango, baklava, Turkish delight, praline pie, crepes, waffles... No matter how dark and clean their suits and dresses were, none of them were exactly identical. I guess that's why I could recognize them, especially when I was small... I guess my parents just wanted to show off by telling others their servants could have a slightly customized outfit, or some kind of shit like that. It would probably cost a bit more than regular outfits they could just ordered at the same moment... Just because they had money, the "bit" was staying a "bit". I don't want to see them again... Their blue burning hair, like mine... I fucking hate it. I can't even dye it. I can't dye it. I can't dye it. I can't dye... I can't change them... I can't change... I'm a cursed heir in love with someone who could be a prince but isn't at the same time. This story cannot end in a way or another. This doesn't make any sense, yet it does. Can it just be absolutely absurd? Give me some powers that don't make any sense. I want them. I don't want to be a Shroud. Welp, guess I'll go and check what Ortho did for the lessons. I'll probably go and take a "walk" after (that is, earning outside-resisting exp points to lvl up my skill).

Okay, so the "recordings" go as "The Seventh's history may seem simple at first, but do not forget that History is made by winners. They were the ones to win and if their people are living in, for the most, good conditions, it is yet to be proven that the means were as glorious as the results. If someone says something when speaking of History, try thinking about the opposite. It may end up interesting, although I cannot deny some FACTS exist in History itself, since an enormous sample of people were made to make sure that it was a "fact" and therefore, not a "speculation". Well, these facts could be denied since propaganda exists in our world, alas. But doubting everything will spread discord, and even lying can be used by leaders to prevent peoples from collapsing or killing each other."

Up to this point, I cannot say it's difficult. I mean, it's just almost a Civilization creative game, huh. I guess this is just the introduction or something like that, and that the "hard" part will come right after...

"The Queen of Hearts has made an abnormal lots of rules, for instance. Yet, her peoples did not dethrone her. Does that mean they like her? Well, this could be interpreted as "respect" from our point of view. But from someone else, they could actually fear her and fear the fact she has sent people to death. She held trials to judge them before sentencing them to death or other punishments, that is true. Yet, were that true trials or actually fake trials only meant to look like trials and fair justice? We do not have enough clues about whether she actually listened to mitigating factors or... . To keep going with this idea, ... also was judged when ... came to Wonderland. The trial was ... and yet almost ... ."

I'm not gonna lie, why the hell are there blanks? Ortho is always serious and meticulous. There's no way he can miss a single word. His ears are among the best of the world. I'm pretty sure he can fucking outrun all of Savanaclaw when it comes to earing (well, actually, he probably can outrun ANYONE since he's great). So if there are blanks... there are but a few reasons for that. Either he needs an urgent update, but this has NEVER occurred before since I've spent months to create a perfect calendar to never let him suffer the most insignificant flaw. Thus it can't be that. He could have been beaten up but that wouldn't make any goddamn sense. Who would even try to hurt him when I'm so neutral to anyone? I legit don't give a shit about what's going on in NRC. I'm not even sure I met the new student (if they're that new since I dunno when they have arrived lol)... This left me with two solutions.

Either Ortho was infected by a Virus, but nobody here has my hacking skills so it's very unlikely or... he has started recording more than expected and it's making its components slow down. I guess I won't have any choice but upgrade his memory next time we update him. The thing is... what the fuck is Ortho recording outside of our notes? He's probably doing something for my sake or...?! No, he wouldn't do something that twisted... He wouldn't!!! He wouldn't seek intel on Silver for my sake?! Go back Ortho! GO BAAAACK! You're a pure-hearted shota character, you shouldn't seek to change your condition or you may end in a fucking violent time loop! I don't think he's actually doing this... It would be weird for Ortho to act on this own on shady stuff like this. I guess he is trying to help me in a way... But what the fuck can he be recording... I'll think about it after checking the other days recordings. Maybe there weree already some parasite noises or something like that?

So, I've listened to the whole yesterday recordings, and even the one before yesterday (I just sped up his voice since I just wanted to be sure there were no vocal errors). I am.. pretty sure of it, now. Ortho did not have troubles until yesterday night at least. It seems it has begun during the second part of Trein's class, so it wouldn't be stupid to think that his memory is being more and more filled by "something else". I guess I will just ask him to only pick the key information and understand by himself what the teachers told him... It will take faaaar less room. I'm going to get out now, that's probably night. I hope it will be another chilly travel.

OKAY THIS DIDN'T GO AS PLANNED AT ALL. NOT AT ALL, NOT AT ALL, NOT AT ALL. I thought I'd take a stroll towards in the refectory since no one is supposed to be there at that time but I FUCKING FORGOT THAT NO ONE GIVES A FUCKING SHIT IN THIS FUCKING SCHOOL?! I even thought of taking some food if there were some leftovers so that I could award myself from getting out of my room (cause honestly walking is boring as fuck, I'd rather walk in Skyrim, at least I can hear my leather boots on the ground, lol)... Of course people would have been there. But when I got out of my room, the chilly ascension kept on telling me to move forward.  Everything was covered in darkness, to the point I thought my flames would become that of a raven, finally. I took several steps, no matter what the light piercing my skull did. The gleam may try to bath the corridor of their blue burning halo, there were too much potential icicles ready to kill it. I just wanted the chill atmosphere to let me walk, and somehow it ended up this way. For now, my flames were too weak to even absorb the ice before absorbing their waters. I wish for it to weaken to the point my sparks die. I want to walk on that silver lake too... I don't want to fly above. I don't want to sink beneath. I want... to walk on it. To swim through it.

Basically, by the time I got to the refectory (always fucking heavily decorated, like what the hell, luxurious chandeliers????), I realized I made a mistake. There were at least two potential people going there at least once a week. From the moment I heard their voices, this was too fucking late. Trey and Jamil were arguing, somehow? I didn't even think it was possible for these two to argue... I mean, Trey is the cool glasses trope and Jamil is obviously the tortured-but-actually-cunning-and-not-that-bad one. How could they even argue? Well, not that I knew if it had happened before. Cater could post a lot of stuff on Magicam (and yet that wasn't even shitpost...), lol. But I don't remember seeing stuff on Trey badmouthing Jamil or the other way round... Trey was the kind to avoid troubles at all cost, especially since he was under Riddle's influence... I would behave the same, tho I would never have been vice-dorm-leader lmao (well im already dorm head and it's already a fucking pain in the ass, thanks)... I tried to escape but it was too late... I guess that's what I get for playing with my burning curse. They asked me what was I doing there, though they probably were not surprised of my walking "hours". They seemed so suspicious of myself that it was not an ordinary situation. Usually, they would maybe have greeted me... That's all. They began asking me if I was the one stealing the food. Even if my answer was clear, even shaky, none of them would accept it. I was... after all... fire. Fire and water never meddled. Even if I pushed my body to repeating the same answer under different shapes since I may have had a bad locution... They wouldn't listen to me. At some point, I even told them I would find the criminal later and that I would just record some little things they would say to me before going back to my dorm, but they wouldn't even let me go.

-Well, you see, Shroud, there were supposed to be some yakitori, curry portions and blanquette de veau left. All of them disappeared. Although I think it would be hard for you to eat all of this, your health habit seems bad enough to let you eat nothing for several days then compensate suddenly by a huge chunk of food. Am I wrong?

Jamil wasn't especially agressive toward myself, though I know he probably doesn't like me. Who likes me in this ocean, anyway. They were not fishes like Octacreepnelle, but more of... water elementals, I guess. Or maybe barely humans able to seize water and flowing into rivers. They could merge into this part I couldn't access. Of course I would be forever different and... hated as such. Very likely.

-I am sorry to interrupt you, Mr Viper, but I don't think Shroud is the responsible. I know for sure he has a sweet tooth, and yet, most of the sweets are actually there. Except some of the biggest cakes, everything is more or less there.

I would have rather prefered Trey not to reveal my weakness to the enemy, but he was also trying to protect me in a way. Trey is probably actually more of the hero in disguise trope...! Just kidding. But up to this point, they had so many proofs and yet were clueless and even daring to choose me as the culprit...

-The culprit isn't me, isn't Trey and isn't Jamil...

-Heh?

-How can you be so sure about that, Shroud?

-E-eh... You suddenly rely on me so much... Guess I'm good as long as I can be useful, huh... But you won't let me go if I don't spit the truth so... Basically, all of the sweets, which are tiny and not good for health, are left. Then, we can conclude it's neither of you because you would have picked up ingredients, not food itself, or at least not Trey since he probably values a lot baking and improving.

-T-That's true...

-Then, that could be Jamil... But why would he come again if he already has stolen that much? And from what I know, Jamil prefers to cook because of some dark poison stories, right?

-Y-yes, I cannot deny that...

-Then, it is neither Trey nor Jamil. About myself, I try to stay in my room as much as I can, and I'm pretty sure Ortho only go to the refectory during the authorized hours since he is much more reliable than I am. But why would anyone steal so much food in the first place? If it were for one person, one or two dishes would have been sufficient. Moreover, let's say it again, the sweets were not stolen. So the person who stole... didn't pick up what they wanted by love of good food! They stole it because they needed it.

-Hmm... I wouldn't disagree with you, Shroud but.. I am pretty sure I got a letter from Jamil telling me I had to get here at 10 pm...

-Excuse me, Clover? Aren't you the one who sent the letter?

-And that solves the mystery. There is someone who planned on stealing food, knew that you were the only two going for sure in the refectory during night and set you up.

-Wait, who dares to do such a personnal attack against Scarabia?

-It is very likely that the culprit is... Ruggie Bucchi from Savanaclaw.

-Wait.. that would actually make sense...?!

-Especially since he didn't get a lunch earlier... I guess he planned on pleading for hunger if someone was to catch him during the act. And so he sets us up by delivering letters on different hours, and not by his own hands... Wait this level of intellect is almost that of Azul... Ruggie Bucchie is really cunning and... worthy of praise in a sense.

-Hm, that would definitely make sense since he is always the one to get the leftovers in the refectory before the holidays to help the people of his town. I did not expect you to be that useful, Shroud.

-Heh, you're talking to the one who solved Hinamizawa and Rokkenjima's mysteries on the second parts of each, of course I can do such petty investigation.

-Well... thanks... on the behalf of... Scarabia. I am going.

Jamil just left, but tbh I don't really know why. I guess he wanted some time alone before going back to Kalim. At a certain point of my childhood, I had tried to ask less and less to maids and butlers since they all worked so hard. They probably wanted some freedom too. And... I wanted to learn things for myself, too.

-Oh, Shroud, since you've helped us a lot... And... you've thought of how hard I work on my cakes... I want to make you one as an award. And it must have been hard for you to speak to us. Ask me anything and I'll bring you a cake, my best cake, when you want me to give it to you.

-H-h-h-h-huh? I mm-m-m—mean it's really nice b-b-b-but I...

-That's okay, take your time, I won't scream or shout on you just because you're different from others.

-I... I... thanks... Thanks... But... Shouldn't y-y-y-y-you be paid for that...? I mean, you're a kind of artist, and artists should be p-p-p-paid, r-r-r-ight?

His face certainly moved. But why? Was it on its own, or an order, a semi-order, even? I couldn't tell whether his mouth was smiling or if he was smirking, or the other way around. His limbs were linked like any of the sea-universe kin. So, if he were to makes any action, it should be on purpose... but that would be far too easy and stupid.

-Yeah, sure, but you paid me by solving a big trouble. Of course, depending on what you ask, the fees could overcome the wish I had, and thus you would have to pay a supplement.

I had already asked him about the fees and talked about artist respect. I couldn't possibly go beyond what he would offer me since I, for once, had gathered experience on this one, right...

-Please... Can I have a... I hope it won't sound weird... grey and blue cake? With some hard candies on the top...

-Wow! That's an original idea, I like it! Sure, I'll make it. Blueberries and hmm... I guess some white chocolate, maybe some Turkish Delight if I'm in for it... I'll try to make something unique for you! When should I give it to you?

-I-in... five days, if it's fine with you... I really don't want to bother you, you're already so nice and patient with me...

-That's okay, I'll bring it in five days to the Ignihyde Dorm! But the hard candies and the Turkish Delight may make the cake harder to make... Since you're a Dorm Leader and I don't want Riddle to have troubles with you, could attend at least one PE class? That would make up for it.

-Y-y-y-y-y—yeah, sure.

[nofearofwaves]

Some Rise of Skywalker Thoughts

Everything is a spoiler, so click through at your own risk.

I left The Last Jedi with tears in my eyes. I cried in the bathroom at the theater. But they were good tears. Luke Skywalker’s death hit me hard, but his arc felt complete. It felt right. It felt like his death, like Vader’s, was a true redemption. It felt like it mattered.

Rise of Skywalker is not worthy of Luke’s death. Rise of Skywalker is a soulless bait-and-switch that gives us nothing Star Wars hasn’t given us before, when it was in the perfect position to give us redemption by life and living.

I will start with some positives. This is not going to be a complete review; I don’t know if I’ll ever care enough about RoS to actually review it.

Lando was fun, as, unlike some of the original cast, he wasn’t overbearing and he actually looked like he was having fun.

Leia’s stuff was more extensive than I thought it would be. It’s awkward because it’s franken-footage, but it does give her much-needed closure; more on that later.

Rey gets her own saber, at last. Of course, only right at the end and we don’t see her building it and it’s not a saberstaff, but it’s something.

Rey, Finn, and Poe share a lot of screen time, which is fun. Of course, it only drives home how little of that we’ve had in the trilogy thus far. TLJ’s major misstep for me was that it didn’t include enough of this found-family dynamic.

Some of Kylo Ren’s early dialogue is precisely the romantic, purply-prose stuff that I go for. Dark proposals and all. Good stuff.

Some of the alien worlds, designs, and prosthetics were cool. Unfortunately, there was also a heavier percentage of CGI stuff that was distracting, especially when juxtaposed with the overwhelming use of practical effects from earlier films.

Several of the fight scenes are good, though nothing can compare with the snowy woods fight and the throne room fight of previous movies. I have seen critics praising the visuals of this movie, but they were altogether too fast, enormous, and choppy for me.

Some of the comedic beats, especially including C-3PO, are legit funny.

And now, the shitshow.

Rey Palpatine. Dear God, why? I understand some people were disappointed by TLJ’s reveal of Rey Nobody, but I thought that was genius. Why does legacy matter? The Force belongs to everybody, as it should. Rey being powerful doesn’t matter; unlike Kylo, who is crushed by his legacy, she is freed by the lack of it.

I can’t even explain how cheesy this becomes. There’s a long, long, long sequence with Palpatine tempting her into killing him while shadows of all the other Sith ghosts stand in stadium seating and chanting, and it’s so damn cheesy and bombastic. I could watch the temptation scenes from Return of the Jedi over and over again because Palpatine is so oily and the whole scene is so intimate and quiet and you are watching Luke see and imagine his friends’ deaths from a distance and ugh, this movie doesn’t have the slightest shadow of that and it thinks it does. 

Also, Rey is literally never tempted to join him. She hates him in a vague kind of way because, it’s revealed, he killed her parents, but she relinquishes that very early and only agrees to kill him(?) to buy time for Kylo to reach her.

Palpatine’s motivation also changes about three times. 

He wants Kylo to kill Rey, because, as Kylo says, he’s afraid of her supplanting him.

But no! Palpatine wants her to kill him because then she’ll inherit the legacy of the Sith, even if her heart isn’t in it and she doesn’t hate while she does it. Very confusing.

And last! When he cannot turn her, he settles instead for draining the life from her and Ben, a “dyad in the Force”, which revives him.

On that point, uh, couldn’t he just have done that from the start anyway? He’s clearly not opposed to coming back to full power. Why not just drain Rey and be done with it?

Ben Solo, who is truly Ben Solo by the end, dies. He gives Rey a kiss of life, after fighting through his Knights to get to her, and dies. The last Skywalker is dead, and though Rey “rises” in their place, the Skywalkers are over and Palpatine killed them. As he always wanted to.

So much for the big stuff. Let me end with some small, nitpicky things that bugged me:

All the deaths, save Ben’s, are undone. There’s a truly shocking moment where Rey thinks her unhinged power has killed Chewie, but no! He’s on another transport. C-3PO agrees to a memory wipe to get some vital information out of his head? Undone when he sees R2, who has been backing up his memory this whole time. If you’re gonna walk back a death, at least give it some time. How else are we supposed to feel anything otherwise?

Where was ROSE?! They tease her coming along on the trio’s mission and she says she has to stay back for Leia’s sake, but then they don’t do anything with that. She’s just not on the mission because reasons, and the most interesting character from TLJ is now out of the story. Because reasons.

Poe’s sudden backstory that gets no payoff and only exists to give him all the skills he needs at any given point. Now with more romantic baggage from a woman’s face we never see!

The Knights of Ren, given huge visual weight in the first third of the movie, just disappear until Kylo fights them right at the end, in a scene that could have been a callback to the TLJ throne room fight except everything is bad and boring. None of them speak, even to tell them why they’re suddenly cool with betraying Kylo, their master. None of them seems even vaguely troubled by killing him, even though literally no one has asked them to.

Finn wants to tell Rey something. We all know what it is. He never says it. It is brought up several times, with increasingly frustrating effects.

There are more, but I’m tired. I’m tired, tired, tired of putting my love and thought and energy into a story that betrays me. I’m over death as redemption. I’m over hearing that people can never come back from the evil they’ve done. I’m sick of it, y’all. 

I can deal with tragedy. But it has to make sense, it has to. This isn’t real life, where bad things happen and we don’t know why and we can’t stop it. This is fiction. I want sacrifices to matter, I want closure.

They said this ending was about hope, that it was hopeful. But God, I just can’t see it.

And now, I will erase the memory of this movie from my databanks forever, and try to resist the urge to rewrite the entire sequel trilogy because, good God, a monkey with a typewriter could do better than this.

[ponyoscenarios]

➳Catching Feelings // Choi Hyunsuk

Hyunsuk tries to set you up on dates and can’t help but want to be the one taking you out on them. 

You don’t remember the time in which you didn’t know Hyunsuk. He moved into the house next door when you were six and he’s been there ever since. Because you were neighbors and the same age, your parents usually insisted for you to play together. They’ve always approved your friendship with him, he was so charming and nice that nobody could resist him, even you.

You saw him as an older brother, that’s the way he had always acted towards you. Although often times he could be extremely childish he always took care of you. But there was a time you didn’t see him that way. When he had just moved in, being the charismatic boy he was he definitely caught your attention right away, you might even admit you had a crush on him for the first months. But as you grew closer you started seeing a different side of him, one a little bit more personal and you concluded you didn’t like him that way anymore, thankfully. You promised nobody could ever know about it and you kept it, although you had to admit you sometimes wondered about what made you attracted to him in the first place.

Since you had grown up together he was always at your house and you basically did everything together, he even picked the guys you dated. Well, he started doing so after a big messy breakup you had a few years ago.

You  started dating a guy in your math class. He was so dreamy and popular and honestly you were taken by surprise when he first asked you out.

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽

The last class was finally over and you decided to head to your locker to grab some notebooks when someone tapped on your shoulder.  

“So Y/N” Hyunjin said leaning on the locker next to yours, “I know this might sound really random, but I was hoping you’d want to go out with me this saturday” he finished tilting his head.

Suddenly you stopped what you were doing and quickly looked at him.

You couldn’t answer for a couple of seconds which made him smirk, noticing the reaction he had on you.

The thing was you weren’t really attracted to him, he was cute of course but what shocked you was his sudden request. You had never talk to him before, why did he suddenly ask you out?

“Uh, what?”

He cockily laughed.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while but you’re never alone, so I couldn’t ask you properly”

You weren’t one to judge people based off what others said but you were aware of Hyunjin’s reputation. He didn’t exactly play with girls’ feelings but he had the tendency to move on extremely fast.

“I don’t know Hyunjin” you answered hesitantly.

“What?” he smirked at you. “You’re not dating Hyunsuk are you?”

Your eyes widened at his question. “No, of course not, we’re just friends” It was a common thing for people to think you two were a couple. “Then I don’t see why can’t you go on a date with me” he stepped closer to you and smiled sweetly. “Y/N I think you’re really smart and beautiful and honestly I’ve been so nervous to ask you out, would you please think about it?”

Hearing him say that made your heart flutter a little bit and you decided to give it a go.

“Oh and I need new shoes” Hyunsuk informed you grabbing a fistful of popcorn and shoving them into his mouth.

“You literally just bought a pair last week” you said adjusting your position on the couch to face him.

He threw a few at you. “I know, but I need another, you’re helping me choose them on saturday”

You smiled awkwardly at him. “Actually, I sort of have this thing on saturday”

He looked at you in disbelief “And you didn’t invite me?”

“Actually, you can’t go” you said turning to the tv trying not to look at him.

“Why can’t I go?” he said almost screaming.

“Because it’s a date” You said quickly grabbing your drink.

Hyunsuk suddenly stood up in front of you. “A date with who?” he said shaking you slightly.

You laughed at his reaction, you knew he was just trying to be annoying but deep down you feared what his real reaction would be when you tell him who your date was.

“Uh, nobody you know” you couldn’t look at him in the eye right now, he wasn’t particularly fond of Hyunjin and he made it clear that you should stay away from him.

He sat down again. “Of course I know him, tell me”

“You really don’t” you insisted.

“Y/N, I’ve known you forever, I know you’re lying, tell me” he really was persistent.

“But promise me you won’t get mad”

He laughed at your comment. “I’m not your boyfriend, I won’t get mad” “Okay, Hyunjin asked me out”

By his reaction you could tell he thought you were joking, until you didn’t say anything else.

“Are you serious?” If he was mad he wasn’t showing it.

You simply nodded.

“Wow” he sighed. “Didn’t I tell you to stay away from him?”

“Hyunsuk he’s not that bad” you defended.

“You don’t know him well”

“I know what I’ve seen and what you’ve told me”

“Well” he stood up “I just hope you won’t come to me crying” He walked towards the door.

You stood up quickly and grabbed his hand “Hyunsuk don’t be such an idiot I’m legit just going on  a date, like it’s nothing serious”

He softly set his hand free. “Whatever”

You went to your date with Hyunjin and he treated you like a princess the whole day. He was really funny and interesting.

After the date was over he walked you home.

“I had fun today” he said smiling to you.

Hearing those words from Hyunjin made you feel weird inside. It was nice, maybe you couldn’t keep your promise to Hyunsuk after all.

Without a warning Hyunjin started leaning in slowly. You stayed still, unsure of what to do.

His lips finally touched yours. You didn’t kiss him back immediately, you were still trying to come to your senses. After a couple of seconds you kissed him back, trying to ignore how shaky your knees felt.

Hyunjin and you went to a second date, and third and a fourth; you eventually became his official girlfriend. You were decently popular at school but now being Hyunjin’s girlfriend was a different level. The downside of it, Hyunsuk barely spoke to you and when he did it was to remind you not to fall easily, or at all if possible.

Of course it was something you couldn’t do. Two months after you started dating him you were head over heels. There was no way you could control it, he was everything you could ask for.

He was a gentleman, he was funny, he wasn’t rude or dumb or anything weird, and of course he was handsome as hell.

But of course Hyunsuk knew better. One day you noticed how everyone on school was looking at you weirdly, even your new “friends” weren’t treating you the same way. It was strange but you dismissed it. Maybe you were overreacting. But you couldn’t help but think about every single thing that could make them look at you that way, maybe there was something on your face, or your hair was super messy, or your clothes were ripped, literally anything except for what stood in front of you.

Hyun jin was holding hands with another girl while he whispered something in her ear and she giggled at it.

You weren’t going to lie, your heart shattered into a million pieces, but you weren’t going to show it, you were not one of those girls that would make a fuss about it.

As he noticed you walking by his smile disappeared and he walked towards you.

“I assume you read my text” he said coldly.

You scoffed at his comment. “Your text?, actually no, my phone died last night and I forgot to charge it”

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly “Uh well, we’re done”

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah I suppose we are” you said walking away.

It didn’t make him feel  anything how your eyes watered and to notice how hard you were trying to hold back the tears, in fact he was used to that.

As soon as you got home you started crying, it was definitely your fault. You couldn’t even blame Hyunjin, you had enough warnings and you were too thick headed to do anything about it.

An hour later there was a knock on your room’s door. You weren’t in the mood to talk to anybody so you didn’t responded.

Seeing that you didn’t answer, Hyunsuk opened the door.

“Y/N hi” he said shyly.

It had been a while since you had a proper conversation with him.

You didn’t turn to see him, he was the last person you wanted to see. You felt too embarrassed by what just happened.

He sat on the bed next to you.

“Want to watch a movie?” he suggested trying to lift your mood up a little bit.

“We could watch Sleeping Beauty, I know you still like those, or we could watch a horror one, you decide” he continued when he noticed you weren’t going to answer.

He sighed loudly and walked towards the other end of the bed, where he could face you. He knelt next to you.

“I don’t like seeing you this way”

“I didn’t invite you here, you can go” you stated.

He looked irritated but he was worried about you more.

“You don’t have to be angry at me just because your boyfriend dumped you”

You turned to the other side so you didn’t have to face him. You knew he was right but you couldn’t control your emotions.

He sat on the bed again and turned your tv on. Hyunsuk didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon, not if you were still in that state.

After a while you started crying again and this didn’t go unnoticed by him.

He turned you over to face him and he hugged you. You started crying more, it hurt you how easily Hyunjin replaced you, it hurt you that you were a bad friend to Hyunsuk; you felt like the dumbest person on Earth for not following your best friend’s advice.

You talked the whole night and he never once made you feel less about the choices you made; that’s one of the things you loved most about Hyunsuk he was so understanding.

“You know Y/N” he said after you were in such a much better mood, “I think that from now on, I should be the one that picks your dates”

You laughed at his ridiculous comment and slapped his arm. “Yeah right, that’s like the stupidest thing you’ve said”

He glared at you “You’re literally crying here for a guy you dated a little over two months, now that’s stupid”

You crossed your arms and pouted, but you knew he was right. “Alright, you’re officially in charge of choosing my boyfriends, but please don’t pick anyone weird”

He laughed at you and turned around falling quickly asleep on your bed.

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽

“Tomorrow at 7pm” Hyunsuk abruptly said when you answered the phone.

“Hello to you too! And what the hell do you mean?” you asked confused as you entered your room and closed the door behind you.

He groaned “Go to your window”

You walked to the other side of your room where your window was; your windows were placed exactly in front of each other so you found it convenient to communicate through it.

Yo sat in the window seat and opened it.

“So?” you asked taking a gummy worm and biting its head off.   

He had this weird grin and it almost scared you to think what was going through his mind.

“I found you the perfect date.”

You scoffed at his comment. “I don’t want a date Hyunsuk” you said eating the rest of your gummy worm.

“You might not want one, but you do need one” he stated confidently.

Rolling your eyes you said “I don’t need one either, I’m perfectly fine this way” This time it was Hyunsuk’s turn to laugh at you “I’m tired of seeing you moping around, it’s pathetic”

You immediately threw a gummy worm at him for such a comment. Unfortunately it didn’t hit his head which it was what you were aiming at and he started laughing at your failed attempt.

“You really need one!” he continued.

Feeling defeated you thought the least you could do was ask who his perfect guy was.

“It’s a friend of mine” was all he answered.

“Yeah but who exactly? He could be a murderer, you know”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay, look his name is Noa and we used to work together happy?”

You thought about it for a while and concluded that maybe it wasn’t that bad. After all, you did look pathetic being sad for a guy you dated for just two months.

It was set then, you were going to see Noa the next day and he’d take you bowling.

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽

You sighed as you heard your doorbell ring. You knew exactly what it meant. Hyunsuk heard about what happened during the date and had come to tease the living hell out of you.

Hesitantly you opened the door and he entered your house as cool as possible.

As you sat on the couch you noticed him being a lot quieter than usual but you really didn’t want to talk so you just stared at your phone until he decided to break the silence.

“So” he finally said.

“So?” you asked still not looking at your phone.

As he noticed how embarrassed you were he couldn’t contain his laughter anymore.

“You really left Noa alone at the bowling alley?”  

You groaned and buried your face on a pillow at the sudden mention of your dumb actions.

“I didn’t mean to, I panicked” you cried into the pillow.

“But why?” he said drying his nonexistent tears.

“I don’t know” you said sitting straight “everything was going fine but then i don’t know, he was too nice and ugh” you let your head fall into his shoulder.

“It’s okay” he patted your head “I guess you weren’t ready yet”

☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽ ☽

A few months later you were in your room reading when you heard something hit your window.

It startled you so you went to see what had happened.

As you opened it you noticed Hyunsuk sitting on his window.

“You could’ve just text me you know?” you tell him sitting on yours.

“Y/N” he said with a straight face. “I think it’s time for you to have a date”

You laughed at him. “Yeah no thanks”

“You’re so lonely it’s making me sad” he whined.

“I just don’t want to” you stated crossing your arms.

“Oh you will!” he said firmly “And I will choose your clothes because you need to make a good impression on him oh and also be sure not to ditch him this time”

“But I don’t want your help” you persisted.

“Please, just do it” he pleaded.

“Who is he anyway?” He grinned at your sudden interest. “He’s a guy from the studio, he’s pretty cool, although not cooler than me”

You rolled your eyes at his comment while he laughed.

“He’s decent okay?”

Without you having to say it he knew you had given in.

“Tomorrow at 5, so I’ll be here at 1”

“At 1? Why do you even need to come?” you asked confusedly.

“To help you get ready of course”

And yeah, exactly at 1 there he was. He walked upstairs and into your room to dig inside your closet to find something “presentable” to wear.

“You literally have nothing to wear” he commented scanning everything there was.

“Are you here to help me or?” you asked sitting on your bed surrounded by disqualified outfits.

“Okay maybe this dress?” he said pulling out a dark blue halter dress and giving it to you.

You placed the dress on the bed not being too into it. “A dress?” you asked.

He rolled his eyes at you. “Y/N be quiet! You have terrible fashion sense”

“Could you please leave?” you said feeling a little bit attacked. You were anxious enough for the date, he didn’t have to be so bossy.

He ignored your comment and continued looking for more stuff.

“And this shoes

“And this jacket

“And this earrings

“And this purse, and try to do something about your hair and I’ll see if I like it”

You were getting annoyed at him but went into the bathroom to change into your outfit.

“So?” you asked already changed into the clothes his wanted and your hair and makeup done.

He scanned you for longer than he intended. This outfit really suited you.

“Uh” he finally said “I don’t really like it. Okay I’ll tell Raesung you won’t be coming as you have nothing to wear” he quickly muttered grabbing his phone.

You took the phone from him and looked at him in disbelief.

“What? Hyunsuk you’re ridiculous! It’s almost 5, I can’t cancel now!”

“You’ll just go and make a fool out of yourself” he said trying to take his phone back. “Besides you ditched Noa, why can’t you ditch Raesung too?”

You stepped on your tiptoes trying to keep the phone out of his reach. “I can’t do that! What I did to Noa was wrong, I can’t do that again”

“It’s not a big deal” he continued.

You were fed up, he insisted for you to go out with his friends and suddenly he was acting so annoying.

“I think it’s time for you to leave” you said trying to get him out of your room.

“I still need to help you” he tried to fight back.

You grabbed his arm and dragged him downstairs.

“I can managed, goodbye” you said finally closing your front door.

Raesung and you had agreed to meet at the restaurant he chose.

It was a really cool burger place with live music.

You weren’t as nervous as you thought you were going to be.

He really knew how to make you feel at ease.

Raesung was really interesting and welcoming so you opened up to him pretty quickly.

He talked about his passion which was producing music and you talked about yours.

The evening flew by too quickly. Soon it was 11 and you had to go home, and he offered to drop you off.

As you walked to your front door you noticed that unlike Hyunjin, Raesung wasn’t going to try anything with you.

In the first place, he was a true gentleman, and secondly, Hyunsuk was waiting for you.

“Hi Raesung” he spoke up as he saw you two. “It’s past eleven you know?”

“Yeah, we kind of trailed off from my original plan” he answered awkwardly.

“Oh really?” asked Hyunsuk raising his eyebrows in annoyance.

“Hyunsuk, go back to your house” you said irritated by his behaviour and shooting an apologetic smile to Raesung.

“Actually” he said coming closer to you “Your parents invited me over for a sleepover”

You looked at him confusedly “Are you having a sleepover with my parents?”

He looked puzzled too “What? No” he explained “I’m having a sleepover with you?”

“Why would they even do that?” you asked.

“Because they were remembering old times so they asked why I’m never around anymore, so they invited me tonight” he explained as if it were the most logical thing.

“But you literally live next door”

“Yeah so?”

You suddenly remembered that you weren’t alone and you glanced at Raesung who was awkwardly watching your weird exchange.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that” you said smiling “Tonight was so much fun” you said kissing his cheek.

Hyunsuk’s and Raesung’s widened at your move.

“Yeah me too” responded Raesung slightly blushing “I’ll text you, if you still want to listen to my songs”

“Yeah! I’d love that” you answered.

“Goodbye Hyunsuk” said Raesung while walking to his car.

Hyunsuk just nodded at him without saying a word.

When Raesung was finally out of sight you turned to Hyunsuk clearly annoyed.

“Why are you even here?” you asked

“To hear about your date” he shrugged.

You groaned “Come in!”

While you’re telling him on detail everything that happened he never once looked at you. He was looking at his phone the whole time.

“Are you even listening?” you asked waving a hand in front of him. “Why did you come if you’re not?”

“I am” he responded looking uninterested.

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever, I’ll go to bed, go to your house” you said standing up from the couch.

At your comment he quickly jumped out of his seat “No, we’re having a sleepover”

“Hyunsuk, I’m tired” you tried to fight back.

He pouted. “You never have time for me anymore” he said acting cute trying to get a smile from you, which he did but you didn’t want him to know.

“You’re so annoying” you said giving in and smiling.

He hugged you tightly and you lost balance, which ended up in you falling into the couch and him falling right on top of you.

Your faces were inches apart and you could feel his heart beat at the same pace as yours.

His face inched closer to yours and you suddenly had to speak up.

“Hyunsuk get off me” you cried trying to change the mood.

“You’re no fun” he said getting off you and helping you stand up.

There was an awkward silence as you walked upstairs, this wasn’t normal between you two.

“You’re sleeping on the floor” you informed him as you entered your room.

He pouted “But I want the bed”

“We don’t fit in my bed”

“We do if you cuddle me” he said winking at you.

“That’s disgusting” you said sitting on your bed as if you actually hadn’t think about it.

He pouted again trying to convince you.

“Floor” you said firmly.

His expression changed; his pout turned into a smile and he sat beside you.

“Do you like Raesung?”

You couldn’t look at him properly being that close. “He’s nice i guess”

“But do you like like him?”

“I’ve literally just met him” you said forcing a laugh.

“But you can tell right away, I mean you liked me since you saw me so”

This time you genuinely laughed and slapped his arm. “Yeah you wished”

“C’mon” he insisted adjusting his position so he could face you properly “I noticed the way you stuttered in front of me”

“I was seven” you fought back “I didn’t know how to speak properly back then”

He shrugged “You were seven, you should have known”

You hit him with a pillow. “Whatever, I’m sleeping now”

Little did you know that as you were sleeping Hyunsuk couldn’t even close his eyes.

He didn’t know why was he so annoyed with everything that was going on, and he didn’t want to be so irritating to you but he couldn’t help but hate the way you had looked at Raesung that night; he noticed how different you looked at him, you’d never see him that way, or the way you looked at Hyunjin.

His heart ached everytime he had to send you off on dates. Everytime he picked your outfits, when he gave tips to the boys so they knew how to treat you properly and basically plan the perfect date for you. He wanted to be the one to take you on all of those dates, but he couldn’t.

He just wanted you close somehow, and if being your best friend was the only option then he was fine with it.

For years he had to keep his feelings inside for the fear he could destroy your friendship and he had to keep doing it, eventually he would get over you.

When you woke up you noticed Hyunsuk wasn’t there.

TEXT

You: Hyunsuk where tf are you?

CH: I totally forgot I had a date today

You: Kyla?

CH: Nope, someone else

You: damn, text me when you’re home

After reading his texts you lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Flashbacks from the day before started to come. And not Raesung’s flashbacks.

As you closed your eyes you mind replayed when Hyunsuk fell on top of you, his lips were centimeters away from yours, you could feel his breathing and his heartbeat.

Your palms started to sweat and a knot began forming in your stomach. You quickly got up and searched for something to keep you entertained.

You decided to clean your room, which was no help since you found dozens of pictures of Hyunsuk and you throughout the years.

When he started dancing, there you were; on every birthday there he was next to you. He was one of the most important people in your life, you didn’t want to ruin a perfect friendship by crushing on him again. It would only lead to problems, besides he didn’t like you, at all; he was more of a big brother, it’d be too weird for him if you confessed.

Hours later you received a text from him.

TEXT

CH: I’m home.

You saw the text but you really didn't want to answer it, you still felt weird.

TEXT

CH: answer me u coward, I know u’re awake.

You: yeah so?

CH: i’m coming over

You: i didn’t invite u

CH: when have u? Open the door

Hesitantly you went.

You sat on the living room hoping he’d do the same, but as he noticed you there he pointed upstairs.

“My parents are asleep” you said.

He looked at you weirdly. “Okay so? Let’s go to your room” “No, let’s stay here” you rapidly responded.

“I need to talk to you, let’s go” he insisted.

“We can talk in here”

He grew annoyed and grabbed your hand and dragged you upstairs.

He made himself comfortable in your bed as you looked at him anxiously.

“You’re not sleeping here” you said after a while.

“I know” he grinned “I just want to tell you something”

“Alright” you said sitting on your bed but not too close to him.

“I want to tell you about my date” The knot on your stomach became tighter “I don’t care” you said trying to sound nonchalant.

He frowned “You’re so mean lately”

You laughed and motioned him to begin his story.

“So I went and I was bored” he said shrugging.

You snorted at his indifferent tone. “You were bored?”

“Yeah, I don’t know, I didn’t have fun. I really didn’t want to be there” he spoke as he lay on your bed.

“Why did you go then?” you asked curiously.

“To get stuff out of my mind?”

You looked at him in disbelief “That’s mean!”

“No I mean, I like her, or did, ugh whatever let’s play something” he said while sitting up again.

“Didn’t you want to tell me about your date?” you said laughing.

“Yeah but now we’re together so let’s play something” “Okay” you said adjusting your position to face him “what do you want to play?”

He thought for a while before grinning. “The of course game?”

You quickly shook your head “You just want to roast the living hell out of me, I’ll pass”

“That’s the fun” he said sitting closer to you and grabbing your legs to help him get into a better position in front of you which made you slightly blush.

“I’ll start” he announced “Y/N did you know you have awful fashion sense” You rolled your eyes at how lame that was “Of course, Hyunsuk did you know you’re really boring?”

He clutched his chest overly exaggerating how hurt he was. “Of course” he finally said “Y/N did you know you’re dumber than I am?”

“Of course, did you know you’re not as cool as you think you are?”

“Of course” he smiled “Y/N could you buy me food tomorrow?” he said sitting even closer to you and held your hand.

You rolled your eyes again, he was really shameless. “Of course, Hyunsuk did you know you’re really annoying sometimes?”

“Of course” he grinned “Y/N can i kiss you?”

“Of cour- what?” you asked as Hyunsuk moved closer to you and cupped your cheek.

You were too shocked to do anything. His face was centimeters away from yours and you knew you were lying if you said you didn’t want to kiss him.

“Are you kidding?” you quietly said not wanting to move.

“No, I’m not” he said as his lips slowly approached yours as if asking for your permission.

As you didn’t push him off he decided to continue. His lips crashed into yours.

It felt different than what you had imagined. His lips were really soft (using so many lip balms had to work right?)

He sweetly deepened the kiss and cupped your face with both of his hands. Your hands went to the hem of his shirt to try and pull him closer to you.

You felt as if your whole life you had been missing something and now you had finally found it. It felt comfortable yet risky, familiar yet exciting.

You pulled back from the kiss first, but you didn’t let go of him.

“I like you Y/N” he softly spoke.

You could feel his gaze on you but you couldn’t look up.

You felt dizzy now, like what was going on? He was your best friend, you shouldn’t kiss your best friend.

He caressed your cheek and lowered his face trying to meet your eyes. His heart was racing after that and you not saying anything to him made him feel worse.

He didn’t say anything though, he waited for you to talk when you felt like it.

“You lost the game you know?” you finally spoke breaking into a smile.

He looked at you in shock before hugging you tightly.

“Of course” he said laughing.

Suddenly your brain put it all together and you sat up.

“So is this why your date didn’t work out?” you asked shyly.

“I take that back, you’re not dumber than me” he said smiling.

Hyunsuk couldn’t take his eyes off you, which made your incredibly embarrassed. Your cheeks were burning up but you couldn’t help but smile.

“I think you need to go home” you told him although you didn’t want him to leave.

“Alright” he said jumping out of your bed.

You followed him and walked towards the door.

“Ah but first” spoke up Hyunsuk making you turn around to look at him.

He closed the door with one hand and cupped your cheek with another and kissed you again taking his time, slowly and sweetly.

You could feel him smiling through the kiss and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“You still owe me a date tomorrow” he reminded you as he pulled away.

“What?” you asked flustered.

But he just cheekily smiled at you before closing the door behind him.

You sat on your bed trying to take in everything that had just happened. You just kissed your best friend and were going on a date the next day.

Could this be really happening to you? You were beyond ecstatic.

And suddenly it made sense. The way he was acting towards Raesung. He was obviously jealous.

You laughed to yourself. You were definitely going to tease him about it later.

Sorry for being so late!

I hope you like it ♡