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rosey100 · 7 months ago

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| Just thought about the colors so no one gets confused reading this |

🤖 Zach

🪻Violet

🌂Varina

🕹Jimmy

💻Koki

🌟 Zoe

🛹JJ

Alright, let's read on

~~~~~~~~

😮‍💨

Well, it wasn't gonna be more shocking than this

It had been a long week after their hot relaxing trip from Ski Resort. Life was good for a few days, but Varina was starting to get really bad nause every morning for a week, though she may have thought it was a bug for a while even tried to take some medicine but throw up every time she had a pill in her mouth than started to felt tried and dizzy for almost two weeks in crave cupcakes and chocolate covered grapefruit that when her friend (Ellie) was starting to peace the puzzles together asked if she could be late that made Varina slightly more nervous than usual. The next thing that she had in her hand was a store-bought pregnancy test, and for almost five minutes later, the results were very clear and it was really clear for JJ who (of course he fainted like father like son 🤷🏽‍♀️) heading that he going to be a father. They were having a hard time about telling their parents about the news it didn't take any time for her sickness to spew out in front of her mother, and then a suddenly call to JJ's parents was all that took a while to make a decision to tell them that ~

YOU'RE EXPECTING WHAT!!!!???

🤖: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE EXPECTING IN 9 MONTHS!!?

💻: I STILL ON THE BABY PART!

🛹: Wellll it's... we just gotten um... things happen 😅

🤖💻: WHAT!!!!

🕹: Koi?

🪻: Honey, let just hear them out first

🤖: Oh yeah, I want hear it! I definitely want to hear it!

🛹 : OK, um, well, it just happened

💻: IT doesn't just happen with the fact that you two are having a baby JJ? A BABY !?

🛹: It's complicated, actually. We've didn't know til....five.. weeks ago

💻: Ok, so five weeks ago, you and JJ were at Ski Resort in Sweden, right

🌂: Ye.. Yes ma'am

💻 : So 😤 your five weeks along

🌂🛹 : Yes *😬 *😮‍💨

💻 : SO Y'ALL WE'RE FU¢KING CORN HOLDING IN SWEDEN FOR SEVEN DAYS STRAIGHT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!

🛹 : Yeah, but we do it is happening on the fourth day on the ski trip

🪻: Alright, that's good! Right now, we know how this happened

🤖 : No Vi this isn't good for seven days, SEVEN DAYS!😠 I thought you two would be responsible🤦🏻‍♂️

🌂: I know, but -🥺

🤖: And yet here we are, because you * direct to JJ *

🪻: OK, let's just cool down now before things get to heated

| While the arguing still continues on a woman walking into the kitchen, hearing the commotion unfolds felt a little injust and in the air |

🌟: I'm sorry to introduce * coming out of the kitchen * but doesn't this kinda remind you about the time when you guys come up pregnant with me

💻: Zoe, when did you come from, and who- Wait hold on? how did you kon-

🌟: Aunt Aviva and guncle Jeff told me about it, so these no secret to keep for me and didn't you tell me that I was y'alls "pop up flower girl"

🕹: Uh ☝🏻😳 *now thinking of the engagement party and bubble house*

🌟: And I definitely know about y'all stories, so freeze that real quick, Mr. Varmitech ✋🏽

🤖: 😤 * is definitely not wanting any kind of bad side from Zoe *

⭐️: So basically, there are no grounds to go on for 🙌🏽 no disrespect 🙌🏽 cuz the honeymooning happened way before ya'lls marital bed.

🌂🛹: *Shocked but not shocked at all, knowing their parents*

💻: Well, you are on that one, Zoe, but that doesn't excuse you * points to JJ*. JJ, we taught y'all better than this

🛹: Look, we know this isn't the best news, but we can try looking at the... joyful new. I mean, we're having a new baby,and right after high school at best, y'all are going to be grandparents as well

🪻: That still didn't make any of this better, we all know this baby is coming into the world, but we know this should be a joyful occasion, but😥

🛹: But what ?

💻: But you two are still young, and even after high school,you still have college to look towards now. How are you going to deal with a baby

🛹: Well Fu¢k mom, you seem to be more able to make it possible for six kids

💻: We were already done college a long time ago, and you better watch it for you gonna be worried about something else than a baby

🛹: You know what I thought

🕹: Wait, Junior, that not what we're talking about

🌂: JJ, hold on, you can't just leave

🛹: Look, I'm just gonna get some air, that's all Varina, I'll be back in a few, ok

💻: Oh no, you not * turns JJ away from the door to facing her* you're gonna stay here and take it cause you are not gonna walk away cause

🤖: |I'm going to end him| Well then, he suddenly walks out. You can just walk away from her

🪻: Zachary!! 😡

🕹: No no no JJ isn't going everywhere. You're part of this just as much, and neither me or your mom or anyone gonna let it happen 😠

🤖: Me either

🛹*|Stand in understander meant and the consequences with the situation*|

🪻: Alright, but considering the fact standing here is what you guys are going to do with this baby now

🕹: Agree. I think we should have a talk about the baby, but we should talk about what your future will be on a later date, maybe when everyone's cooled out

🤖: Yes, I think we should talk about the future on this later until then, I think we should be going back home now for a private talk, and I'm sorry for my behavior

🛹: Um, Mr. Varmitech ?

🤖: I expect your forgiveness, JJ, I'm certain you make the right decision for my daughter and your child

🛹: Of course, and sorry for almost running out on you back there

🌂: I forgive you, and I would be nervous too, although I'm still nervous 😔🥹

🛹: *Holds Varina's hands* Varina 😟

🪻: Varina, We'll be waiting outside, dear

🌂: I'm coming 😔 I guess. This one might

🛹: Well, we're not out of the woods yet, but we'll get through it, I promise you and you * rubs Varina's belly * Promise

🌂: Oh, I love you

🛹: And I love you

Hunk from the car

🌂🛹: I should go *🫳🏻 🫲🏽*

🛹: Bye✋🏽* Standing in the doorway *

🌂: *Mouths Bye 😟 while the vehicle drives away*

⭐️: J Dad wants to talk

And just to be sure no one gets confused with the timing of this link can show you

Link 👈🏽

Varina, Violet Varmitech belong to @jokerislandgirl32

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the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years ago

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J Watches Arcane: Ep. 4b, Random Thoughts/Play-By-Play

Part two for the fourth episode, because I had so many thoughts in the first half that I nearly destroyed the formatting :)

Let's just get into it, yeah? It's very short, compared to 4a, but I honestly had no idea when to split it, cuz I wasn't sure if the second half would have as many Thoughts as the first half. Guess not, but that's fine! Now it's nap time :D

(23:00ish) I had heard that Jinx's hangout spot/hideout was, uh, precarious in nature... but holy shit, lassie, is that really a good idea? Literally never coming over to hang at her place. We're chilling at the park, or some random rooftop, or, like, at the enforcers HQ, because even that feels safer

(23:40) Real glad for subtitles here, folks. I know it's not super important for me to be able to hear them announce Jayce is about to do a speech, but if there's dialogue that I could theoretically be able to hear, then it should have subtitles. And it does!

(24:16) poor fluffball :( but in other news, glad that we saw Jayce's mother in the front row. I wasn't sure if that was a relationship that was going to get mended

(27: 30, "in here please, help me") Considering I spent several hours earlier today reading through a ton of horror stories, which included several cases of things mimicking human speech to lure people in... let's just say that I did not fall for this. But also the voice is distorted? I guess in an emergency, tho, people wouldn't be as likely to question it. Anyway, I am assuming that the fire is simply to lure the enforcers away from whatever Jinx (who I assume is responsible) is after (which I assume is a Hexgem). We'll find out in a few seconds, I'm sure :)

(28:15) damn, sucks when strong women are pitted against each other :/ also sucks being right about characters I love doing bad things but hey that's half of this fucking show

Also, just gonna say this while it's on my mind, Jinx's voice isn't what I expected it to be? Not in a bad way, I'm just very used to Tiny Tina/the no longer tiny version of Tina in B3, and they have similar vibes/energies at times, so in my brain I kinda always assumed that Jinx sounded similar to Ashly Burch. Honestly really liking her voice so far, tho!

(29:48) I've heard not great things about post-timeskip Jayce (like, him losing sight of priorities, not bad writing or anything), and I'm nervous to see where it goes... but I'm glad that my boy isn't jumping straight into frenching Mel while Viktor dies next door (or whatever it is I've seen memes about)

(32:10) I have seen so many gifs of Jinx vibing in her workshop and it's honestly very adorable, despite the fact that she's working on murder devices. So, ya know, guess my bad taste in women (or my taste in women with bad morals) hasn't changed

(33:08) Ah, another bit I've seen a thousand gifs of! Gun twirling gf, how I do love thee<3 also damn, Cait, take a nap. Do y'all think she rested at all after that explosion? How long did that red string conspiracy board take? Actually, nvm, she's a professional, probably did it in, like, five minutes

(34:49, "I just want you to be safe") but that's the thing, Jayce, she can't be safe (neither can just about anyone in Piltover) when there's the looming threat of war, and she's one of the only people with the brains + brawn + sheer capacity for caring to help

(35:30) please tell me I am finally going to see the love of my life again? please? mel might be the prettiest Arcane character, but (in accordance to my personal tastes) Vi is the hottest

(36:40) MY WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't believe they made me wait until literally the last minute of this episode to see her again

#j watches arcane #j watches tv #arcane spoilers #arcane netflix #i am very normal about this

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aphrodite1288 · 4 years ago

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Disclaimer: "A LONG ANNOYING ASS RANT "

Count with me the times, Kadi were fucked by Koreans:

*So Ksoo is always "another member", "Someone" or not spoken of at all or his name is not even mentioned when Kadi r involved together in one scene?!!

*Like Heck Ji did not even mention Ksoo in his MV only talked abt Xiu as if Ksoo's sign n power on that fuckn frozen rock wasn't there.

*He couldn't make a reaction nor talk or support Ksoo's Enlistment song while he did a whole series of reaction videos to Sechan n other artists (his friends), he promoted many songs of western n korean singers but when it came to Ksoo's "That's okay" which is a HIT song that the whole kpop covered n talked about, Ji remained blind n silent.

*Let's not Forget in 2018 during Ekso Ladder when Kadi were seen eating together but we ONLY GOT FOOTAGE OF JONGIN'S BACK n The fan MENTIONED THAT SHE COULDN'T TAKE PICS OF KSOO cuz HE WAS NOT VISIBLE CLEARLY!!??? He is a Human sized HUMAN?Not a Virus? And MONTHS AFTER THAT: She deleted her post n apologized saying that she just mistook KSOO to be with Ji that day n that it was NOT KSOO but someone else and that Ji came alone to the restaurant?? Wtf?? U just said months ago that they were eating a meal together but u came months and months after to tell us that Ji was in FACT EATING ALONE? U FUCKIN said HE WAS EATING WITH SOO? Matter of fact was with SOMEONE ??????????? what are u Blind? Is Ksoo's name cursed? Is he "who he must not be named?" Lord Do Voldemort?

*No ..Ok how can an ExoL not recognize "tHE oThEr mEmBeR" whom Ji was with? She clearly hid it n didn't want to expose it. Wtf? It's just "two Bros chilling in a hot tub five feets apart cuz they not Gay" *actually AGRESSIVELY singing the meme*

* And Oh please don't remind me of that Fucked up Scripted interview of Ekso Concert DVD where they asked kaisoo if they ever traveled together alone and forced Kadi to say that they did NEVER EVER TRAVELED TOGETHER ALONE OR HAD A MEAL TGT BEFORE! KSOO even felt sad that he had to lie abt this and even added a crumb for us to assure us that he is indeed Friends/Lovers with Ji n said "IT'S OKAY IF WE NEVER TRAVELED TOGETHER CUZ WE ARE ALWAYS TOGETHER IN THE DORM", y'all made him lie and he was even concerned that ppl might even think that he hates Ji at this rate that he never even had a meal with him or traveled with him or went on a hangout with him on a span of 10 years of knowing each other. How can u not go out with a friend for a meal for 10 fucking years??

I've just known my friend on internet for months and we traveled together and always hangout together heck we spent thousands of nights together after 1 week of knowing e/o ? Where's the Logic?

Instead we have all this Pushed up CHANSOO agenda with them traveling 4 times back&fourth to Japan, Going tgt in Yeol's car after concerts, having meals together and vacations together and pics all moved internet and on Chan's IG, CHANSOO are the most aesthetic couple they're a huge SHIP too with A HUGE SHIPDOM but No SM doesn't try to stop them?mmmh 🤔 Yet No ONE TO SPEAK ABT KADI SPENDING THEIR BDAYS TOGETHER IN 2019.

*And Oh! I almost forgot this: Ji couldn't even mention That he spent his bday in 2019 with KSOO, and that the latter made him a cake & lit the candles for him and even held a surprise party for him after he came back from his Bday party with Ls, cuz Ji was supposed to be Dating Jennifer back then! So to not break the straight agenda he had to not mention KSOO at all but instead he easily mentioned in his lives later that Ra/vi n Moo/nyu surprised him for his bday n held a mini party for one hour for him after he came from the Bday party with Eksolz when actually IT WAS KSOO?? Kim Ji..isn't KSOO your friend too?? Why didn't you mention him? I'm sure Ji was sad NOT MENTIONING KSOO n only his Homies squad WHILE IN FACT IT WAS THE POOR KSOO WHO HELD AND PREPARED THE PARTY! MADE HIM A CAKE AT HIS BROTHER'S GF's PASTRY AND BROUGHT, JI's Besties to Their(Kadi) dorm cuz he knows Ji would be so happy when his dudes ARE AROUND! But KSOO later on quickly kicked them to give Ji the BEST Bday gift when Ji was supposed to be having an affair with Diva girl Jennifer. Remember when Ji said that his friends came and held him a party for ONE HOUR ONLY BEFORE HE KICKED THEM OUT!! Now we know why he kicked them cuz KSOO was there ! And we didn't know that back in 2019! We knew it until 2020 When Ji forgot his lie n uploaded a video of him n Soo n his suquad on IG. It's too sad when KSOO'S efforts had to be gone in vain AND NOT BE MENTIONED AT ALL when IN FACT IT WAS HIM WHO DID EVERYTHING FOR JI in THAT SMALL BDAY PARTY! HE WAS THE ONE WHO PREPARED IT!

And I'm not gonna talks bout where Kadi spent their Bdays in 2019. Cuz some assess called me a privacy invader.

Stop making them seems like they don't even know each other.

All of this added to my yesterday anger. Korean Ls would never let kaisoo talk freely abt each other n i hate it. Korean Ls won't speak a word abt Kadi. I tried with them many times, never worked they always tell me that Ksoo is only close to SeChanBaekHo and in fact is not close with Ji at all n that It's JI's fault for always being out with his squad. Thankfully I have foreigner friends who live there n are so cool n tell me shit. These momfuckers are so homophobic. And the korean Kaisooists who actually support Kadi, speak in between the bushes so hidy n scared.

I'm mad.

#kaisoo #kadi #love #kaisoo love #Kaisoo's struggle #kadi struggle #kaisoo love story #dika #kaisoo did go on many many dates #Kaisoo traveled together many many times

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maddie-grove · 3 years ago

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Little Book Review: Sin Eater

Author: Megan Campisi.

Publication Date: 2020.

Genre: Alternate historical fiction (?).

Premise: Strap in, y'all, because this is complicated. May Owens, an orphaned teen laundress in Fake Elizabethan London, is arrested for stealing a loaf of bread. Expecting to be hanged, she's instead sentenced to be a Sin Eater for life. This means hearing confessions from the dying and then eating foods that symbolize their sins off their coffins. There are various other unpleasant requirements--speaking to no one except when hearing confessions, being forced to wear a non-removable collar, getting one's tongue tattooed, social ostracism, eternal damnation if one doesn't do everything right--but it does come with free room and board. Then the Sin Eater who's supposed to be mentoring May gets tortured to death. Why? A deer heart (symbolizing the murder of royalty) appeared on the coffin of a deceased lady-in-waiting, and the mentor wouldn't eat it because the lady-in-waiting had confessed to no such thing. Can May figure out what the hell is going on, adjust to her weird new life, and address a bunch of lingering childhood trauma?

Thoughts: Sin-eating, as depicted in this novel, never existed in Britain. Campisi was inspired to write this novel by a real-world tradition that started in and near Wales as early as the seventeenth century, but died out completely by the 1920s. Accounts vary as to how socially stigmatizing it was to be a sin eater; at best, they were poor, disreputable people doing a low-status job, and, at worst, they were feared and despised as people who had traded away their immortal souls and possibly consorted with demons. However, it was definitely not an island-wide, state-sanctioned role that people were officially sentenced to; it didn't require body modification, nor was it solely assigned to women.

In short, Campisi has created a fictional tradition that technically could have existed in Elizabethan London (as it doesn't involve magic or technology that didn't exist at the time), but demonstrably did not. This puts her in an interesting position that most historical fiction and fantasy writers don't find themselves in, because she has the following options:

Write a straightforward historical novel that just happens to have this one weird, fictional thing going on, with no further explanation. This would probably be the easiest option, but she either has to put an awkward author's note at the beginning or run the risk of readers thinking she knows jack shit about Elizabethan London.

Write an alternate history novel in which she explains how her version of sin-eating came to be in Elizabethan London. (Off the top of my head: Welsh people brought the tradition to London and other parts of England after migrating, but it only caught on in a big way as a response to the Black Death, during which time it developed distinctly English characteristics. The pious Henry VI was the first monarch to officially recognize it; however, the crueler official requirements didn't come about until the reign of Henry VIII, for reasons similar to the passing of the Tudor Poor Laws. Edward VI tried to ban it, but Mary I brought it back with a vengeance. Now it's allowed, but only because Elizabeth I branded it as an Anglican thing.) I think this makes for an interesting setting, but it is a lot of work for a story that's really just about one regular girl and some Tudor drama.

Write a story that takes place in a world that's similar in some ways to Elizabethan England (geography, level of technology, etc.), yet is substantially different. Maybe there's a young reigning queen, but she's not the often-disfavored daughter of a king with six wives; instead, maybe she had seven brothers who all died untimely deaths. Maybe the country's been torn apart by decades of religious conflict, but sin-eating is at the heart of the conflict instead of Fake Catholicism vs. Fake Protestantism. This might actually be the most organic way to handle things, but it does put the book in a weird place, genre-wise; people who want to read straight-up historical fiction won't be into it, and people who want to read fantasy might be put off by the lack of magic.

Any of these are better options than what Campisi chose, which is an unholy union between #1 and #3. Sin Eater is set in a world that's almost identical to Elizabethan London, except that (a) Campisi's version of sin-eating exists and (b) everybody has slightly different names. Instead of Queen Elizabeth, we have Queen Bethany, the daughter of King Harold II and his second wife Alys Bollings. She had an older sister named Maris, daughter of Harold II's first wife Constanza of Castile, who was a Eucharist. Harold II's third wife was named Jennette Cheney, whom you might think had a son named Edwin or whatever, but no, she had no children. What. You might also think that Jennette had a brother named Titus Cheney, who married Harold II's sixth wife and widow Katryna Park or whatever, but also no. He was named Titus Seymaur (no relation?) and he was married to Katryna...Parr. Confused yet? Because God is always called the Maker, and clergy are always Maker-men who preach sermons in Maker-halls, but Judas is still Judas and Eve is still Eve. Also, Roma people are called "eg*psies" (honestly, if you're going to make up a stupid word, at least use the opportunity to make it not a slur); it's something of a relief that the Jewish characters are just Jews. Oh, and the whole thing takes place in Angland.

This is some of the most irritating, distracting world-building I've ever encountered. It doesn't help that the only reason for the fake Tudor drama is a rather tired, mean-spirited mystery involving Queen Elizabeth/Bethany's secret baby and Katryna/Katherine Parr's long-lost daughter. And it's a shame, because when the story focuses on May--a lonely, angry, scared girl struggling to do the right thing and make a place for herself in the world--it's emotionally compelling. Her mixed feelings towards the fellow outcasts who start squatting in her home are particularly well-done, as are her encounters with religious outsiders. The mechanics of sin-eating are also fascinating; I liked seeing May visit dying people of various ages and stations in life. I think a person without my exact pet peeves would enjoy this novel a lot more, but it still wouldn't be great.

Hot Goodreads Take: There are many criticisms of this novel that I agree with, such as bad world-building, a weak mystery, a sophomoric understanding of religion, and gratuitous unpleasantness. (I love the dark, I love slippery things, but there was no reason for the tongue tattoo except to drive home that this whole thing sucks for May. I did not need to be further convinced!) There are also criticisms that I get, even if I don't feel the same way; for instance, I like the weird, bitter heroine, but I understand that she's not for everyone. On the other hand, one reviewer states, "I also didn’t care or need to know about the author’s childcare arrangements that she acknowledges at the end of her book." Like...cool, reviewer, but I don't think you understand the point of acknowledgments. They're to thank people. Are you going to complain that you "don't care that the book was manufactured in America, as the copyright page says"?

#little book review #sin eater #megan campisi #antiziganism #mutilation

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collapsingintojupiter · 5 years ago

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Birthday Party

So before I begin, lemme just say--

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

It's @starbucks-remy 's birthday y'all, so please go and let them know how great they are!!

I asked them what they wanted to see and they mentioned Logince and Intrulogical, so I did my best to combine a little fluff and comedy with both! (Also I've already written a couple of fics with Logince fluff in them if you want to see 'em here and here). I wrote this kinda fast cause I really wanted to give it to @starbucks-remy on their birthday, so I’m sorry if it’s not as good? I tried I promise.

Anyways, without further ado:

Characters: Logan, Remus, Roman, Virgil, Remy, and Patton.

Relationships: Kind of a smash up but I tried to include some (mostly platonic) Intrulogical and Logince, as well as a little background Moxiety (also platonic).

Warnings: Uh, there’s like one curse? Food mention. Also Remus is in it, for those of you that are triggered by him. Please tell me if there’s something else I should add.

Logan sat on the front porch with a glass of water in one hand and a calculator in the other. A chemistry book was open on his lap, and he squinted against the bright sunlight overhead as he read the next question to himself and sipped at his water. Being hydrated, if he remembered correctly, would allow him to study more efficiently by improving his mood, focus, and concentration. The sunlight also provided valuable vitamin D. Speaking of which, maybe he could call Virgil, and they could--

"Logan!" A shout from down the road dragged his attention away from his studying and Logan looked up, surprised. Someone was approaching him at a rather unsteady run, almost as if they were injured. Remus…?

"Logan!" He called again. "LOGAN!"

Logan scrambled to his feet and threw the book aside, his heart pounding.

"What's wrong?" He shouted, running to Remus' side. "Are you hurt? Where's Roman? What happened? Is someone in danger?"

Remus stumbled to a stop and doubled over, gasping for breath. A black long-sleeved shirt hung loosely from his shoulders, matched by pants that were the most peculiar shade of green one had ever seen. Logan didn’t see any blood.

"It's…birthday… Roman...wanted...somethin' special…" Logan blinked at the other boy.

"Wait…what?" Remus grabbed his shoulders.

"Birthday!" He shouted in Logan's face. "Roman's birthday is today!" He coughed, sucked in a deep breath, and tried again.

"I need your car." Logan blinked.

"I…you've got to be kidding me!" He stumbled over his own words, but that didn't stop him. "I...I thought someone got...got hurt or something and you just need my car!? Where's your car? What…what about Roman? Where is he? I thought he was dead or something with all your shouting!"

"Well obviously I can't go shopping with him for his birthday present now can I?"

"And your car?" Logan tried to fight off the exasperation creeping into his voice.

"I got my license revoked." Remus grinned widely.

"You what?"

"Yeah. Apparently I'm a reckless driver or something--can we go?"

"I...I don't even know how you got a license…" Logan sighed and adjusted his glasses. "Okay, so let me get this straight--"

"--Logan, neither of us are straight." That earned Remus a sharp glare, to which he only grinned in response.

"--So it's Roman's birthday and you're trying to…?" That statement actually made Remus stop and think, which was quite worrying to see when you knew the kinds of things that happened when you let Remus think. He scrunched up his face and puffed up his cheeks, then exhaled loudly through his nose.

"Uh... birthday party…" he said finally. "Like...a surprise? For Roman?"

God help me.

Logan sighed. "You want to use my house don't you?" Remus' eyes lit up at that.

"See, I knew I could count on you!" He broke into a run towards the garage.

"Wait...I didn't…" Logan let his voice trail off and sighed again as he watched the other boy go. Then he started after Remus. Looks like I'm in charge of this now, he thought to himself. I’ll have to put off studying until tomorrow morning. There was absolutely no way Logan could let Remus create this surprise party unsupervised, as someone's house was liable to end up catching fire if he did (and yeah, he was saying that from experience).

Remus was already seated in the passenger side of the car as Logan climbed in.

"You need to contact Remy, Virgil, and Patton right now," he told Remus as he started the car. "And put your seatbelt on. Tell the others to meet us at my place in twenty minutes. You're lucky my parents aren't home, but if we're doing this at my house this means you're agreeing to clean up afterwards. Understand?" Remus nodded and quickly pulled his phone out.

"Good."

---

Three figures were standing on the front porch when Logan and Remus got back. One, dressed in a blue polo and wearing glasses, another with shades down and a frappe in one hand, and the third hunched over in a purple and black patch jacket.

Remus barreled out of the car and insisted on carrying all of the bags into the house by himself--Logan had decided to pick up everything on his parents' grocery list while they were at the grocery store, so there were quite a few stacked up in the trunk. Of course, that didn't stop Remus. His arms were covered in the white plastic handles and he’d even wrapped several around his neck, despite Logan’s protests.

"You're going to choke yourself…" Logan sighed as Remus marched up the steps without heeding him, nodding to Virgil and accepting a hug from Patton as he followed.

"How'd it go?" Remy asked with a smirk, glancing up from his phone.

"We almost got arrested."

"Again?" Virgil snickered. "What happened this time?"

"THEY CHARGE WAY TOO MUCH FOR THE DONUTS!" Remus shouted over his shoulder.

"How'd he try to steal them?" Patton asked. Logan slapped a hand over Remus' mouth before he could blurt out the answer.

“Don’t you dare,” he hissed. He looked up at Patton. "Creatively," was all he said. He stepped past Remus and unlocked the house, leading everyone inside. "So this is a very last minute project, but I believe that we can accomplish our goal if we’re efficient at our jobs and work together." He winced as Remus roughly dumped the bags onto the kitchen counter. "Remy, let’s put you and Virgil in charge of decorating. Patton--"

"Uh, actually…" Patton cleared his throat. "Remus helped me come up with a good gift idea earlier…" Logan listened as he explained, and found himself nodding.

"Alright, you want to go take care of that, then?" Patton nodded and rushed off. "Okay, so slight plan change. Virgil, you and Remus will be in charge of the cake. Remy, I will assist you with the decorations. Any questions?"

"Yeah. Can you kill me?"

"I'm sure you two will be fine, Virgil." Logan looked down at his watch. "We have three hours. Let's get going."

Virgil disappeared into the kitchen, muttering, and Remus pranced after him. Logan worried about it for a minute, but that was why he'd put Virgil in there with Remus. Surely he'd be able to handle him.

"Alright, so I've got some ideas. Ya think you can rig something up that'll drop confetti from overhead when you trigger it? Say, when someone opens the front door?" Remy looked back from where he was examining the walls, eyebrows raised. Logan thought about his suggestion for a moment, then nodded.

"I'll see what I can do," he answered. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to hang up steamers and make a sign that'll hang from…probably here," Remy motioned to the ceiling and set his coffee down on the kitchen counter.

Logan set about gathering the materials he'd need for Remy's suggested confetti drop, and he was in the middle of trying to figure out what kind of tape to use when pandemonium erupted from the kitchen.

"Remus, we're trying to hurry here!"

"Oh don't worry, I can mix it really fast!"

"REMUS NO!"

A high-pitched whirring sound came from the kitchen, and Logan and Remy burst into the room just as a cloud of flour and other ingredients exploded from the bowl. Instantly, everything within a twenty-foot radius was coated in white powder. Virgil shrieked and before Logan knew what was happening he was on top of the fridge, his hood pulled down over his face and his hands over his ears. Remus scrambled to stop the mixer, and ended up toppling the entire bowl of cake batter over onto the floor. The crash of breaking glass combined with the string of curses that came from Remus' mouth were enough to make anybody's ears ring, the mixer was still running, and how the hell did Virgil even get on top of the fridge?

Logan shook himself, then suddenly he was hurrying over towards Remus and the chaos he'd created, being careful not to step on any glass as he did so. He reached over and shut off the mixer, and the three exchanged glances over the now flour-coated kitchen.

"Huh," Remus said finally. " So that's why you're not supposed to do that." Logan sighed and ran a hand through his hair, causing a small avalanche of flour to join the rest of the disaster on the floor.

"Go get a broom, Remus, I'll start wiping off the counters. Remy, can you get Virgil down from the fridge?"

"Oh thanks, give me that job,” Remy muttered.

“Would you prefer wiping down the counters?”

“I would to getting bit by that bitch-ass vampire!” Logan sighed again and handed Remy the sponge.

“Here, take this then.” Remy took the sponge and he started over to where Virgil was still sitting on top of the fridge. His hands hadn’t come away from his ears yet. Logan reached up and gently nudged his knee with one hand.

“It stopped,” he said quietly.

“Hsssssssss…” Virgil opened his eyes and glowered down at Logan. “I’m not getting down and you can’t make me. Not with that...not with Remus in here!”

“He’s not in here right now.” The other glanced up at this and seemed to consider this, but he didn’t move.

“Look...I’ll trade with you,” Logan offered. “I’ll help Remus cook, and you can set up the confetti drop. That shouldn’t be too complicated and you won’t have to interact with him anymore, alright?” Virgil thought over the offer for a moment, then nodded slowly and slid off the top of the fridge.

“How did you even get up there?” Remy asked as he exited the kitchen.

“I have my ways.” The one in shades rolled his eyes and tossed the sponge to Logan, who only barely managed to catch it and got flour all over his shirt as a result.

“Have fun.” Then Remy was gone. Logan began wiping everything down with the sponge and Remus came in a few minutes later, having finally located a broom. Somehow they managed to clean up the mess without any further incidents, and moved on to making the cake...again. There’s a reason I bought at least three boxes of cake mix, after all, Logan thought to himself with a small sigh. Once all the ingredients were in the bowl Remus moved to turn the mixer on again, but Logan stopped him before he could.

“I don’t think so,” he grumbled. “Already had to get Virgil off the fridge once today.” “How’d he do that, by the way?”

“Who knows?” He started the mixer--slowly, this time, and soon enough they had a decent bowl full of cake batter.

“Remus, can you get me a glass pan?” He went in search of one while Logan went looking for the oil spray.

“Can I do it?” Remus asked when they met back at the kitchen counter. How much of a mess could he cause? Logan hesitantly handed it to Remus, who promptly sprayed the oil in his own face. Okay, a lot of a mess.

“Dammit!” Remus quietly cursed and turned the nozzle, and before he knew what was happening Logan’s glasses were coated in oil, along with the rest of his face.

“Remus!”

“SHIT!”

Logan fumbled with his glasses and tried to wipe the oil off with the corner of his shirt, but he only succeeded in smearing it all over the lenses.

“There, it’s in the pan!” Remus called. “How’d I do?”

“Remus, I can’t see.”

“Don’t worry! I can take care of--”

“--REMY!!”

“What’s happening? Who’s on fire...Logan?” He saw his sassy friend’s blurry form enter the room, and gestured helplessly towards the green and black blob on his right.

“Can you...stop him...get the cake in the oven...I gotta clean my glasses off now.” Logan stumbled over to the kitchen sink; Remus sounded outraged that Logan wasn’t trusting him with cake duty, and Remy was even more outraged at having been put in charge of the wildest, most chaotic human being that any of them had ever met.

“Okay it’s in, try not to burn the house down Remus...chow.” Logan heard Remy leave as he scrubbed at his glasses with dish soap, while Remus flopped down onto the floor to watch the cake bake. Well, he probably wasn’t actually watching it bake, but as long as the house wasn’t catching fire things were going pretty good as far as Logan was concerned. He finished getting the last of the oil off of his glasses, dried them, and breathed a sigh of relief as the world came back into focus around him. It always made him nervous to not be able to see, though he’d never admit it of course.

Soon the cake was ready and the decorations had been prepared for the surprise party. Patton came back, laughed at Virgil’s wild telling of the incident in the kitchen, told Remus he’d done well for trying, and helped Logan make the frosting for the cake while Remus disappeared in order to ‘take care of Roman’s present,’ as he’d said.

Whatever that meant.

“Got the pizza ordered?” Logan poked his head out of the kitchen once the cake was out and cooling off on the counter, directing his question at Remy.

“Hey, this bitch don’t mess around with pizza--of course I did.” Remy might’ve said more, but before he could continue Remus burst back into the house, holding a very oddly-wrapped something in his hands.

“THE SACRIFICE HAS BEEN PREPARED!” he shrieked. Virgil flinched away from the loud noise and shook his head, while Logan and Remy raised their eyebrows and exchanged slightly worried, slightly amused glances. Remus’ wrapping skills were tragic at best, and as Patton came out of the kitchen his eyes went wide at the sight.

“Do…do you...” he stopped himself and shook his head, retreating back into the kitchen. Logan glanced over at Remus.

“We’re putting all the gifts on the counter over there, go ahead and add yours,” he told the other boy. Remus nodded and hurried over, adding his gift to the others that had already been stacked there.

“You contact your brother?” Remus nodded quickly.

“Yup!” Logan nodded, checking the room around them to ensure that all was in order. The front entryway had been transformed by Remy and Virgil’s handiwork--the confetti drop was up and ready over the doorway, set to fall when the string which had been tied to the door handle was pulled. Streamers were hung up on the walls, balloons were scattered around the low ceiling, and a large sign that said “Happy Birthday Roman!” hung from the middle, done in Remy’s handwriting of course. Virgil’s handwriting was usually illegible, Logan’s looked more like chicken scratch than the work of an actual human, Remus couldn’t spell, and Patton’s cursive was impossible to decipher in even the best situations.

“The cake’s ready!” Patton came into the room, the cake balanced delicately in his hands. A blue, powdered sugar-coated apron hung from his shoulders and his hair was dusted white, as were his glasses. “Hey Logan--can you get the candles, please?”

“Certainly.” Logan retrieved the candles and lighter, arranging them on the cake in what he thought was a pleasing pattern. “Is Roman almost here?” he called to Remus. The other boy rushed to the window.

“He’s coming down the street right now!” he announced. “Light the candles!”

“What did you tell your brother, anyways?” Logan asked as he flicked the lighter on.

“I told him that you were texting him from my phone cause I got hurt and he needed to come over right away.” Patton’s eyes widened and he looked at Logan, who just shook his head.

“It’s definitely believable,” Remy said, sipping at his Starbucks.

“How have you still not finished your coffee?”

“I bring extra.” Logan would’ve continued his questioning (like, how does one bring extra coffee and where was Remy hiding it?), but then a knock sounded at the door. He strode forward and opened it a crack. Roman was standing there, and he looked awfully worried.

“Oh Lo, I’m so sorry about my idiot brother!” he burst out immediately, but before any more could be said Remus crashed into Logan, dragging the door open the rest of the way and yanking his brother into the house.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER!” He shouted as confetti rained down on them and Remy laughed his head off in the corner and Patton tried not to drop the cake. He came over with the dessert and they all started singing happy birthday to Roman--yes, even Logan did, though he’d never admit it later.

“Wait...wait...you’re not hurt! This was just a surprise…” Roman’s jaw dropped, and then he snapped his mouth shut. “Remus! I thought you’d killed yourself!” He dragged his brother into a hug. “You idiot! Come up with a better excuse next time, you nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Sorry!” Remus said, though he was so excited that he didn’t sound sorry at all. “C’mon c’mon c’mon, we got you presents and everything!” Roman looked around at the decorations that had been put up for him, and once he was sure that his brother was okay and the anger from that had worn off he grinned like an idiot as he walked through the room. A rather illegally cute idiot as far as Logan was concerned, though of course he didn’t admit that as he ushered the others into the living room and brought in the packages.

“So the pizza should be here in a few minutes,” he said as the others sat down, “but we thought you’d like it if you could open your presents first.” Roman looked wide-eyed at the packages that had been set out in front of them, grinning from ear to ear. He reached first for a small, neatly packaged gift that had been wrapped in purple paper, and pulled it away to reveal a pair of red headphones. Virgil smiled awkwardly at his friend, who immediately reached across the room and pulled him into a hug.

“I hope you like it,” he said quietly.

“Like it? Like it? LIKE IT!? I love it!” Roman set the headphones down next to him, admiring them for a moment before reaching for a tiny silver package next.

“Now you can stop begging me to buy you coffee,” Remy grinned as Roman held up a Starbucks gift card.

“That’s awesome, thank you Remy!” Roman cast a confused look at the third package, which was wrapped in green, then looked at his brother. Remus looked like he was about to explode from sheer excitement and chaotic energy--it was a miracle he’d managed to stay quiet for as long as he had. He reached for it and pulled off the paper, holding up a large machete with a slightly-confused-but-excited expression.

“Remus…?” “I’ve been saving up to get us matching ones!” Remus burst out. “Now we can duel! Isn’t that gonna be awesome!?”

“Nice!” The two high-fived and Roman hugged his brother again. Patton looked at Remus and Logan and stood up.

“Just a minute,” he said quietly. He disappeared and came back a few minutes later, and Roman’s brow crinkled in confusion.

“A backpack? Why’s it...moving? Why does it look so heavy?” Roman reached for it as Patton gently handed it to him, and let out a squeal as he opened the top and a little golden puppy leaped out of the bag and started licking his face.

“Oh my gosh, a puppy!” He squealed. Patton and Remus both grinned, and Logan found himself smiling a little as well.

“Remus got permission from your parents, I got my dad’s help, and Logan picked the puppy out for you,” Patton explained. Roman reached for the little note that had been tied to the puppy’s collar, reading it out loud.

Dear Roman,

I hope you find this gift satisfactory, your brother mentioned that you had been wanting a dog for quite some time, so we thought that we would try to make your wish a reality. His name at the shelter was Tillie, but you may name him whatever you would like.

“You...amazing...nerd…” Roman slowly set the card down, then launched himself into Logan’s arms, hugging him tight. “Thank you so much!” They were suddenly joined by Remus, and out of the corner of his eye Logan saw Patton yell something and hug Virgil. The puppy wagged his little tail and tried to climb into Roman’s lap; he let go of Logan so that he could and then hugged the pup too. Remy watched them all from the couch, shaking his head and smirking.

“What should we name it?” Roman asked, looking around at the others.

“Shadow,” Virgil suggested. “Or maybe like, Killer, or Demon, or--”

“Chaos! Death! Destruction! Carrion! Carcass! Vulture! Decay!” Remus shouted, bouncing with every name idea.

“How about...Rose? Or Lily. Or Tulip. Or Dandelion. Or Daisy…” Patton tried, clearly trying to remember every flower name he’d ever heard.

“Frappe, Latte, Mocha, Capuchino, Coffee bean.” Remy yawned, pretending that he wasn’t interested in the conversation at all.

“The most popular dog names include Max, Buddy, Jack, Rocky, Bear, and Charlie,” Logan quoted.

“You googled most popular dog names?” Remy asked with a snort.

“I’m not good with names.” Logan shrugged. “But I figured I would do my best to contribute.”

“That’s so cute,” Patton gushed. “What do you think, Roman?” Roman held up the puppy, who wagged its tail and licked his face. He giggled.

“How about...Princess?” he said. “I like that name.”

“The dog is a male though,” Logan said, a little confused.

“Princess the Magnificent, then.” Roman laughed and set the puppy down.

“Princey for short,” Virgil said.

“I like that!” Roman nodded, then hugged the puppy to his chest again. “You’re so cute!” he told the puppy.

The doorbell rang.

“Pizza’s here,” Logan announced. Roman jumped up as he stood, then hugged him again.

“Thank you so much,” he whispered, “for making this the best birthday ever.”

#logan's bday #i did my best i hope you like it mate #you're amazing #fanfiction #sanders sides #roman sanders #remus sanders #remus #patton sanders #logan sanders #remy sanders #sleep sanders #virgil sanders #logince #intrulogical #moxiety

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moonvalecrossing · 6 years ago

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Moonvale's Pokemon Commentary: #676 Furfrou

Go, gimmick-pokemon! Make me have to make a big thing of all your forms!

Just for Looks:

Before I begin, see the white on all those guys up there? For the shiny, paint the white black. And the black white. Still looks pretty cool though. In fact the shiny version helps the colors of the more meh trims look a lot better to me.

Furfrou is our expected French Poodle Pokemon that was introduced in Kalos, the Pokemon world's version of France. Though I wouldn't call Furfrou a poodle. Its natural form's fur is far too shaggy and wild to be the same as the curly fur of a French Poodle. That said, I find the natural form to be a very nice design. Now, as you saw above we have multiple versions of Furfrou. That is because it's gimmick is that you can style its fur into various trims by taking it to the right NPC. They do absolutely nothing but look nice. Also they are not permanent and it will return to its natural form in five days. Or if they're put into (Gen VI) or removed from (Gen VII) the PC. Make sure you got plenty of money laying around if you wanna keep that look. It'll cost ya $500 poke-bucks every time. Now then, onto the styles!

Heart Trim- The pink one with the heart shaped tail obviously. This is the most poodle-looking of all the forms to me. It's really cute for the most part but I find the two white butt-poofs weird.

Diamond Trim- Orange with Diamond tail. I like its pants.

Star Trim- The pale blue one with a stair shaped tail. I like its head fluff. And that it doesn't have butt-poofs.

Pharaoh Trim- The one who kinda looks like it's wearing a fancy Egyptian headdress. The fact this one is not a golden yellow is a crime. I know the decorative stripes on this sort of artifact is usually a dark blue, but the majority of what is usually depicted is gold, darn it! Also, the black stripes on its ears are what I assume to be the fluff cut down to the base coat... and I can't imagine that looking anything but weird with a more realistically depicted fur. However it seems that these stripes are just the fluff colored the exact same as the base coat... for some reason. It's okay.

Kabuki Trim- The red one. So like... Kabuki. It's Japanese dance-theatre pretty much. But with usually exaggerated face painting and costumes. Look up Kabuki in an image search and you'll probably at some point see a dude with white face paint with red markings and wild red hair. That's what this trim style is based on I guess. There's also a Kabuki pikachu plush on the pokemon center website... which is just pikachu with a kimono, headband, and wearing a little eye makeup and a small upper lip paint. At least put on a wig, Pikachu. Sheesh. This trim is interesting. I love the tail.

La Reine Trim- The other light blue one that isn't the star trim. I have no idea what this is. Looking up La Reine doesn't really help either. I guess it's some kind of fashion type for rich women? I guess its head and ears are supposed to look like some fancy up-do? It's bland.

Matron Trim- The purple one. The older motherly woman figure design I guess. I guess it's meant to be a bonnet on its head. I'm grumpy this doesn't have at fur style that looks like one of them big-butted round dresses though. Maybe that's more a rich young-woman only thing? But even the young woman style we'll go over in a bit doesn't really seem much different.

Dandy Trim- The green one that looks like he's got a suit and top-hat on. My favorite. A dandy is a dude who cared a lot about his appearance and looking and acting as if he belongs in high society. If y'all got some sort of slur you wanna use here for this sort of character you can turn your fancy ass back around and walk out the door you came through. Moonvale aint puttin up with that shit here. This style is adorable! I love this particular cut. I would choose this one over all the others if I used Furfrou in my party. My fancy boy. Bonus points for being a lovely shade of green.

Debutant Trim- The yellow one. Now a debutant, if you don't know the actual meaning, is a young rich woman who has just entered into fashionable society. Originally meant to show off women to the men who'd be wanting to marry em. About the design though... I like its hat. It is a nice fur-hat. Though, I don't see anything that screams young-woman to make this one different from the Matron Trim. Could have given it a nice shorter dress-like style on the back end of the fur design.

What's in the Name:

Fur + 'Frou-Frou'. If kids don't know that term nowadays that's basically calling something fancy and over-elaborate. Fancy pants? ...I’m like a decade out of the loop on slang. I just learned yeet.

The Japanese name, Trimmien, seems to be Trim + Chien, which is dog in French. Can confirm. I took enough French in high school to say this is accurate. Bulbapedia says it could also be a play on très bien (basically very good/excellent). But I think its a tad bit of a stretch as the first explanation fits perfectly as is.

The 'Dex Says:

Some dex entries claim trimming the fur makes it swifter which has absolutely no standing in the actual game since the trims seem to be completely aesthetic in every way. Trimming only changes the pokemon's appearance. There was a time where these pokemon were guardians of the Kalosian King, and in a certain era aristocrats would compete on who could style their Furfrou’s fur to be the most exquisite.

I'd call these people stuffy and arrogant only using their pokemon for status, but apparently only someone a Furfrou highly trusts is allowed to trim its fur. Though, that fur grows and grows when not trimmed so I'd assume they have a limit to where they have to find SOMEONE to trim their fur before they end up like that one sheep that managed to hide away and hadn't been sheared in six years. What do they even do with all that trimmed hair... Maybe they use it to stuff fancy pillows.

It's Rating Time!

I'm giving this guy a 3/5. It's a cool concept. However the designs are mostly meh to me, and the fact that you have to re-do the cut every 5 days is pretty annoying. I can't say this guy's among my favorites. I wish the cut style had some kind of effect, even if it were only to boost certain stats in a contest-like environment. How does a straight haired shaggy dog get curly poodle puffs anyway? My mom has never been able to keep her non-permed hair in any sort of curl for more than 5 hours, what the heck do they put on these dogs to keep them curled for FIVE DAYS?

Want to read more of my reviews? Click here!

#Moonvale Reviews Pokemon #Pokemon commentary #pokemon #Furfrou

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krinsbez · 6 years ago

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GI Joe: Remixed, Vipers

OK, so..let's talk Vipers.

To begin with, here's Wikipedia's list of Cobra Trooper variations, for reference:

Air Devil - Acrobatic Aerial Assault Trooper

B.A.T.s - Cobra Battle Android Troopers

Cobra Blackstar - Cobra Elite Space Pilot

Cobra C.L.A.W.S. - Combat Light Armored Weapons Specialist; Heavy Weapons Trooper

Cobra Coils - High Speed Pursuit Vehicle Drivers; Cobra Tread Fire Driver

Cobra Eels - Cobra Frogman

Cobra H.I.S.S. Driver - Cobra H.I.S.S. Driver

Cobra Moray - Underwater Elite Trooper

Cobra Officer - Cobra Squad Leader

Cobra Stinger Driver - Cobra Stinger Driver

Cobra Soldier - Cobra Basic Infantry

Desert Scorpion - Cobra Desert Trooper

Incinerators - Cobra Flamethrowers

Lampreys - Cobra Moray Hydrofoil Pilot

Night Creepers - Cobra Mercenary Ninjas

Night Vulture - Cobra Air Recon Trooper

Sea Slugs - Cobra Sea Ray Pilot

Snow Serpent - Cobra Polar Assault

W.O.R.M.S. - Weapons Ordnance Rugged Machine Specialists; Cobra Maggot Driver

List of Viper variations

Aero-Viper - Condor Z25 pilot

Air-Viper - Cobra Air Force trainee

Alley Viper - Cobra urban assault trooper

Astro-Viper - Cobranaut

A.V.A.C. - Air-Viper, Advanced Class; Firebat pilot

Bio-Viper - amphibious Mega-Monster

Cyber-Viper - cybernetic officer

Desert-Viper - Cobra desert trooper

Elite-Viper - elite regiment officer

Fast Blast Viper - field combat

Flak-Viper - Cobra anti-aircraft trooper

Frag-Viper - Cobra grenade thrower

Gyro-Viper - Mamba pilot

Hazard-Viper - toxin specialist

H.E.A.T. Viper - High-Explosive, Anti-Tank; Cobra bazooka trooper

Heli-Viper - Cobra Battle Copter trooper

Hydro-Vipera - Cobra underwater elite trooper. Also known as the "demons of the deep"

Ice-Vipera - Cobra WOLF driver

Jungle-Viper - jungle assault trooper

Kitchen Viper - mentioned in the comics only; never actually seen

Laser-Viper - Cobra laser trooper

Medi-Viper - medical trooper [7]

Mega-Viper - Mega-Monster trainer

Monstro-Viper - savage Mega-Monster

Motor-Viper - Cobra Stun pilot

Nano-Viper - Cobra commando

Neo-Viper - officer/infantryman

Night-Viper - Cobra night fighter

Ninja-Viper - martial arts

Nitro-Viper - Detonator driver

Para-Viper - Cobra paratrooper

Pit-Viper - infiltration trooper

Range-Viper - Cobra wilderness trooper

Raptor-Viper [8] -

Red Ninja-Viper - ninja warrior

Rock-Viper - Cobra mountain trooper

Sand-Viper - desert infiltrator

S.A.W. Viper - Semi-Automatic Weapons; Cobra heavy machine gunner

Secto-Viper - Cobra Bugg driver

Shadow-Viper - counter intelligence

Shock-Viper - fire assault trooper

Sludge-Viper - Cobra hazardous waste Viper

Star-Viper - Cobra Stellar Stiletto pilot

Strato-Viper - Cobra Night Raven S³P pilot [9]

Street-Viper - urban combat trooper

Sub-Viper - underwater demolitions

Swamp-Viper - amphibious assault trooper

Techno-Viper - Cobra battlefield technician

Tele-Viper - Cobra communications

Terra-Viper - Cobra Mole Pod pilot

Toxo-Viper - Cobra hostile environment trooper

Track-Viper - H.I.S.S. II driver

Viper - Cobra infantry

Viper Guard - Cobra infantry

Viper Pilot - attack glider pilot

Now, it's important to note, contrary to their depiction in most media, in our take, Vipers are actually quite competent, being on par with the standard troops of most First World militaries. OTOH, Blueshirts get just enough combat training that they aren't completely useless on the battlefield; Blueshirts can, say, round-up civilians for slave labor, deal with anti-Cobra militias or vigilantes, or serve as security guards or the equivalent of uniformed police in Cobra-controlled areas, but are not expected to fight real soldiers. Rather, Blueshirts do all the other tasks a military needs to operate, although some specialized work is done by Vipers. Cobra recruits are first trained as Blueshirts, and can then apply for Viper training, but military vets are fast-tracked to the point that they can sometimes go straight to Viper training; said training program was designed by Big Boa and Major Bludd, the latter of whom is considered the father of the Viper program, and is idolized by most Vipers. Big Boa is less beloved mostly because he's actively involved in their training and he has no qualms about injuring, maiming, or even killing his trainees.

Anyways, in general, a Viper outranks a Blueshirt, but a Blueshirt Officer outranks a Viper, and is in turn outranked by a Viper Officer; this isn't really a hard and fast rule though, as Cobra's command structure is deliberately fluid. Somewhat similarly, Specialist-Vipers don't technically outrank regular Vipers, but their skills are more valuable to Cobra, so...Each cadre of Specialist-Vipers has it's own leader (or sometimes leader) who get their own name, but generally still wear their cadre's uniform, and are therefore subordinate to those who have names and custom uniforms. Generally. Sometimes several cadres will also answer to another, higher named/uniformed officer specifically (EG all the pilots report to Wild Weasel; Toxo-, Hazard-, and Sludge-Vipers are under Cesspool; Tele-, Techno-, and Medi-Vipers report to Dr. Mindbender, all naval personnel report to She-Wolf, a pseudo-OC who will be discussed later) Beyond this, there's no strict rank structure involved; if you can get people to follow your orders, you're in charge, and if you kill a superior you're just as apt to be given his job as punished. (note that @Night_stalker has created many Specialist-Viper Leaders for us, though some already existed, but I’m not sure how to post ‘em here)

Many Specialist-Vipers not only receive specialized training, but also are given drugs or some form of surgical modification (such as those given to Strato-Vipers to enhance their reflexes and resistance to G-forces) or enhancements (such as the Hydro-Vipers' implanted gills) or both to make them better at their jobs; these often have long-term negative side effects (which is why, despite grumbling from the Jugglers, Gens. Austin and Hawk refuse to reverse-engineer for American use some of Mindbender's Feel-No-Pain Juice or Not-Get-Tired Pills or whatever), but Cobra doesn't care. They also get a hefty dose of extra indoctrination, which of course, includes brainwashing.

Given Cobra Commander's divide-and-conquer approach to management, and the general backstab-happy nature of Cobra, it should not be surprising that inter-service rivalry between Specialist-Viper cadres is encouraged. In addition, many cadres have developed their own unique subcultures, a sampling of which follows:

-You will note that several of the above categories appear redundant. Sometimes they are (EG Sand-Vipers and Desert Scorpions), because see above vis a vis CC's management style, other times not For example, Hazard-Vipers are trained professionals in dealing with hazardous materials, Toxo-Vipers are grunts who handle the manual labor portion of dealing with hazmat stuff under the direction of the Hazard-Vipers (thus decreasing the odds of something untoward happening to a valuable specialist). Being a Toxo-Viper is (usually) a temporary assignment which regular troops will be given as a punishment detail, while Sludge-Vipers are an elite cadre of Hazard-Vipers who work directly under Cesspool, and deal with the creation and use of Plasmatox. Additionally, Incinerators are specifically flamethrower guys while the Shock-Vipers deal with incendiary ordinance in general. There are also examples where it's a bit of both, for instance while Alley-Vipers are heavy shocktroopers trained/equipped specifically for urban combat, the Street-Vipers are a sub-division of the Elite-Vipers for same.

-At some point, the Medi-Vipers became a cult devoted to Asclepius, the Ancient Greek God of medicine and notable snake enthusiast, though obviously they diverge quite heavily from the historical Cult of Asclepius. They are quite feared by other Cobras, because (thanks to @Night_stalker) “on the field, while they'll patch you up, it's more like a ‘Stop bleeding to death and get back to work! FOR COBRA!’, instead of the nice calming normal medic you get, and off the field, they're the guys who implant mods, and pick Dr. Mindbender's experimental subjects.” Note that they are not fond of Dr. Mindbender, because they're the ones who have to clean up the mess when his experiments go awry.

-It is commonly believed by other Vipers that the Range-Vipers are cannibals. This is somewhat unfair; while yes, they're less squeamish about the idea of eating human flesh than normal people, it's still something they'd only do as a last resort.

-Hydro-Vipers are not actually fish-people, and they get really pissed off when you call them that.

-The Pilot-Vipers have picked up Wild Weasel's belief that pilots are a superior breed, and this attitude is only heightened in the Aero-, Heli-, Strato-, and Star-Vipers, who all consider themselves superior to the other Pilot-Vipers; they still basically worship the ground Wild Weasel walks on, though.

-The Tele-Vipers basically live on meth, adderall, and caffeinated energy drinks.

-Every Viper Pilot wants to be an AVAC. The AVACs think their erstwhile comrades are saps, because it actually sucks.

-Since most Hydro-Vipers used to be Morays, and the Morays used to be Eels, they get along pretty well. Ditto the Sub-Vipers. They have nothing but contempt for the Sea Slugs, Lampreys, and other aquatic vehicle pilots.

-Snow Serpents consider Ice-Vipers traitors for cross-training with the Eels.

-Techno- and Tele-Vipers have a notably bitter feud, but also have a sort of "y'all are pitiful scrubs inferior to the Glorious Software/Hardware (remove whichever inappropriate) Master Race, but at least you're better than the rest of these knuckle-dragging ignorami" thing going on towards the other Vipers

#Headcanon #Headcanons #Fanfic #Collaboration #GI Joe #GI Joe Headcanon #GI Joe Headcanons #GI Joe Fanfic #GI Joe Collaboration #GI Joe: Remixed #GI Joe: Remixed Vipers #Cobra #Vipers #Cobra Vipers

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rose-madder-gaze · 6 years ago

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tagged by @kissingthehyena

Nickname: Super was self-imposed, but Supes was properly given.

Zodiac: Pisces

Height: 5'4"-ish

Last Movie I Saw: I definitely stood in the hallway as Ice Age 2 played. But actually properly watched? Your Name, I think.

Last Thing I Googled: How to spell Pisces LMAOO

Favorite Musician: I'll constitute that as [recent] long-term repeat-listening to: LP, Hozier, Ashe, Kings of Leon, The Killers, Woodkid, Owl City, Kele Okereke, Avett Brothers, Son Lux, K. Flay, Carly Rae Jepsen...

Song Stuck in my Head: Currently??? uhh when it’s not one of the songs from the playlist they play EVERY DAY ON REPEAT at work, Ashe did a cover of SPG’s Honeybee, and that shit’s choice.

Other Blogs: I have a long-neglected photography blog [ab-vi].

Do I get Asks: Pretty much never.

Following: 350

Followers: 189

Amount of Sleep: On work “days” (Sun-Thu) at least 8 hours if I go straight to bed after work; it can get up to 12 hours on non-work days. This body is a tomb, babeeyy.

Lucky Number: 24?

What I’m Wearing: Mismatched fuzzy socks, slippers, pj pants and shirt (thrifted Keaton Henson shirt skfhsh), and a big ol’ jacket.

Dream Job: Once it was 'do comics,' now it's 'something creatively stimulating that lets me make enough money to also chill sometimes and do comics.'

Dream Trip: To bed. NO LMAO UHH my body makes me afraid of travel in general (and my brain makes me afraid of travel altogether), but I’d really love to go see Michelangelo’s David in Florence one day.

Favorite Food: I have a weird relationship with food, so I don't often even LIKE eating, but I had tres leches cake recently and holy SHIT y'all.

Play Any Instruments?: I was a shit trombone player in middle school, and I had guitar lessons once a week for less than a year in hs and was shit at that, as well.

Languages: Decent at writing French, passable at conversational, horrific at listening; conversational ASL that I've neglected to expand my vocab on.

Favorite Songs: Ones that will NOT leave me alone: Over - Kings of Leon, Your Type - Carly Rae Jepsen, Caribbean Blue - Brothers Egg, Mean It - K. Flay, this version of Son Lux's Easy that he did with Woodkid.

Random Fact: The first time I did some true semblance of cosplay (of an OC, as it happens KSFHSH), it was the morning after xmas. I was trying to get some pictures of it outside in the snow in the empty lots past the woods behind my house. But, on the walk back to the house, I kept having to kneel down in the snow because my blOOD SUGAR WAS SO LOW THAT I KEPT ALMOST PASSING OUT. IN A BRIGHT ORANGE WIG AND A MULTI-COLORED ANORAK. I made it into the house and wanted to just lie down on the kitchen floor HAHA but my mom got me up and fed. And that’s the story of my first cosplay.

Describe yourself as Aesthetic Things: the song that starts playing in a video game that suddenly has lyrics NO BUT SERIOUSLY UMM 80s wood-paneled interior design, mid-west quilt-by-the-fire winters before xmas has passed, morbid bubblegum pop, the techno trance that everyone made AMVs with in the early 2000s, beach houses painted in bright pastel colors, day moons on clear days, the live plant section of home improvement stores, red sunlight on pine trees and mountainsides. LMAOO IDK!!

tagging some pals who can do this if they like!! @omnificent-orion @berserkered @legaragerage @whatdoyewant @ninnani @yongjae37

#text post #chatter #are these still called memes like on deviantart #food mention #health mention #music #outside links #long post #text heavy #tagged #omnificent-orion #berserkered #legaragerage #whatdoyewant #ninnani #yongjae37

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survivormagictreehouse · 5 years ago

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Episode #5 “I have nothing else to lose at this point” -Jay

-Did I even make a confessional last round??? AHH. Okay so I’m excited with our swap and I think we have a strong tribe but I’m REALLY sad (and not surprised) about Austin leaving. I think that I am on a very strong tribe and I can’t wait to see what happens with it going forward! Like I can’t bad talk anyone, I like them all.

-Can we talk about how proud I am of myself for remembering enough information to tell Cindi while she was answering questions? LOL, I had never been so nervous in my entire life so I'm really good that we pulled out a win! Ali and Collin did such a good job retaining and relaying information. It is nice to have another day off and I'm really curious to see what Ali decides to do and what the next challenge will be... I don't want this tribe to be broken up yet. If I do end up swapping I really want to end up on a tribe with Chips. We played in a game recently AGAINST one another and I'm dying to work with him, like actually work with him so oddly enough, I'm really hoping that he isn't going anywhere! I feel like they will probably go after Timmy or Jay. Right now the person on my tribe I feel like I can talk with the easiest about the game is Ali, he is probably my number one and I feel like I can tell him stuff without it getting passed around the entire tribe. Do I completely trust him?? NO. But I do trust him the most haha.

-I SURVIVED AHHHHHH I GET TO STAY!!!!!!!!! Fuck that was so close and I feel so bad for throwing Austin under the bus but hey, I needed to stay in this game and keep my relationships strong. Plus, voting for Timmy would have looked really shitty to him, after the whole alliance thing. Anyways....Birch is here now! I love them sm and I really look forward to getting to work with them again. As far as I can tell, my best bet of staying is a group of me, Timmy, Zach, Birch and probably Chips. Chips and Zach were so helpful to me this whole day, reassuring me and giving me the information I needed to stay safe. I also called with Timmy just now and we're gonna be sticking together since it's our best option. Its really been a big turn from feeling comfortable in the tribe to fighting to stay, but I'm gonna stay fighting and hopefully make it out of this swap alive.

-I'm trying so fucking hard to stay in this game but right now it feels like a lost cause. Zach sold me out so badly last night and it feels like it's been impossible to recover. I'm trying to get me, Timmy, chips, and birch to all vote Zach but it's feeling less and less like it's actually happening and more like they're just saying it to keep me comfortable. No one is really responding to me anymore and it just feels like this is the end. The only little bit of hope I have is apparently Timmy has heard it's gonna be Birch instead? Seems like a long shot, I don't really want to see them leave, and I'm not gonna push for it. Birch is an indespencible ally and I will go to rocks for them if i have to. I have nothing else to lose at this point.

https://youtu.be/cYEa3LQE6N4

-Going into tonight's tribal, I think I'll be safe and have the votes of Timmy, Jess, Gavin, and Keegan. However, I feel like either Gavin and Keegan could flip (though unlikely) OR an idol could be used on Jay. I guess we shall see though. See y'all on the other side :)

-okay so the og annie tribe lost their marbles and got a 4-3-1? which well. in other news, i died in my other game and mr BODHI on this tribe got me out... very interesting. i was originally gonna punish him and get him out. and i still might. im unsure. he would deserve it tho he is so wishywashy that its infuriating. rn dream alliance is cindi/vi/ruthie/rachael (aka feminism + ali). bodhi was the best to vote for me on a game level and him needless treating me like crap makes that much easier.

-okay hello... so in a crazy plot twist... we won the storytime? i was really proud of my own contribution to the challenge, i passed on a LOTTA info to collin and he did so so good passing it, ruthie SNAPPED when she was so nervous and cindi brought it home. my game has been pretty smooth sailing, two easy votes and now im chilling on the most wholesome tribe ever. should i probably be throwing these challenges to save jay/timmy/austin... maybe... but am i going to... no. im not risking my game life when i see my entire current tribe as long term allies. ideal scenario is that group implodes and sets us up to pick up the pieces at merge... maybe? but also i think we are swapping again before merge, so just adding another challenge with the shakespeare challenge delays me getting jumped by the conglomerate of generic men, birch and jess. my closest ally right now is definitely ruthie, i LOVE ME SOME RUTHIE. vi, cindi, collin, timmy and rachael i also trust to some extent. bodhi i literally would get an indescribable seretonin rush from voting out... i would LOVE the opportunity to jump him in this game. am over that man. but im vibing having fun! still have an idol! and living my BEST life ha. im sorry my confessionals have been underwhelming but my game experience has been pretty smooth sailing so far ha.

-Spill the tea! *It's 1:11AM and I still miss Gavin.

-It's 8:59 PM and I still miss Gavin. prayer circle for Gavin <3

https://youtu.be/JSmJThHF-tU

So I did something. I am not allied with 5/7 people on my tribe. I have the "3 Canadians, oh and the 2 American Hosts" Alliance of me, Jess and Keegan. I am not quite as Loyal to that alliance as I am my new one. But I still don't want to vote them out. If I HAD to I would but i want to keep them. I really like both of them. I just made the "The Jolly Crew" Alliance which is Me, Jay, Timmy Z and Zach. I love this alliance. I vibe really well with Timmy and Jay. I am a little more iffy on Zach but he is really cool! I stan everyone! I guess out of the 2 people left I would prefer to vote out chips? He tends to be kinda inactive and I talk to him the least. IDK I'll go with the numbers, and my alliance.

Another round, another immunity win. I’m just living life and am happy with how this game is going. Don’t really have to do much but making sure it won’t be me if we eventually do go to tribal.

We lost the challenge despite my best efforts. I think we’re voting Jay

I wish i had something of substance to say but this tribe refuses to go to tribal :/ i've found spots where TWO idols were in the past i think??? lions -> straight ahead -> ask for a tour, and vikings -> small boat -> get on the small boat

Soooooo... we lost the challenge again an' I got kidnapped by the gentlemen o' fortune. love that there fer me! then, to me surprise, right off o' the bat, jay threw me name out. so 'e be essentially dead to me now an' I expect 'im to be leavin' tonight. his blood ‘ill be on me hook after tonight. luckily fer me, I went around an' started spreadin' that there I 'ad 'eard 'e been sayin' me name—and 'e 'ad apparently only said it to zach. so now, the votes be between zach an' jay... an' I could not be 'appier as me name be off o' the table as farrr as I know. so bless to the sky to that there. I be expectin' jay to set sail tonight, but who knows. there been a lot o' talk o' 'im or birch 'avin' an idol or some kind o' advantage (which I believe birch may 'ave something), but I don’t think I be playin' me idol unless I catch wind o' somethin' strange 'appenin'... but me fingers be crossed an' I be goin' to 'ope fer the best.

2nd win and Ali is chucked to the tree house. Gotta do a music video

So the Annie curse strikes again............ wooo. This vote is a bit of a mess but honestly this all works out for me. Jay going ensures that I have Chips/Birch's loyalties moving forward and honestly the more OG Annie people that go the better. I hate the whole tribe lines situation but honestly I'm kind of stuck in it and I think I'm stuck in it for the long haul or at least for now. Zach going ensures I can climb the social rankings of the OG JACK tribe but it also might make me land on the bottom and it would be such a gamble. Do I trust Zach? no. Do I think everything Birch/Jay are saying about Zach is completely true..mhm BUT I need him just for a bit longer at this point. Also if Jay didn't say Gavin's name I probably would risk it and vote out Zach but at this point I can't not vote out someone who is saying my number 1's name... I want another swap because I'm bored of talking to the same people and I need to form some new bonds before merge.

With me getting one vote last time, I really wanted to secure my spot within my team and was able to talk with Zach and Jess into making an alliance chat with us and Keegan/Gavin. Hopefully jay goes tonight but I’m not to sure. In the challenge bitch was terrible. We are a bit nervous they got an advantage or idol on exile which is why we are telling everyone the vote is birch tonight. Guess we will see how tonight goes

I'm doing lots of house stuff today but I hear there's a mess to be had with Jay versus Zach. I want to vote Zach because he has been acting head honcho but also... dont care too much. Im going to try to force a tie then get blindsided out of the game. Hype energy!

The Round 5 Cast Assessment will be combined with Round 6 (on the next episode)

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originaldetectivesheep · 7 years ago

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A Life of Riley Part 1 - The Problem With Grinckles ch 6

Chapter 5

I leaned back and hit Send; the formatting on my Differential Equations homework had finally turned out all correct the third time I'd printed it, so I could send the PDF over to my professor and be done for the day. Two hours of math and then another two and a half hours beating LaTeX with a rock to do up all the formulas so they looked like something, but I was done all my math for the weekend before five on Saturday. I was golden; plenty of time to eat dinner, see what was good on my groups, then hit up someone's party or go down to the bars on Sperry Street and try to hook up. I still had a couple microwaves problems that needed tightening up, but I could handle those tomorrow; tonight was tonight, and tonight was all mine.

As I logged out of the lab terminal and stood up, I saw Sajitha waving at me through the glass out in the corridor. I waved back, unconcerned, but she was still there in the same place after I made my way out, dropping the test prints into the recycling bucket. "Hey, Saj," I said by way of trying to figure out what was going on, "what's up? Are you looking for me for something?"

She shook her head, still falling in next to me as I walked down the hall. "Kind of," she said, "but not really. Are you going over to the lab?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't have anything to do over there tonight. I was just going to go grab dinner, probably at the Zussman caf, and see where it was going off tonight. You?"

"The caf? Under Zussman? Are you into the shredded green-bean sludge they put on everything or something? Don't you live like just the other side of the parking lot behind the ChemE lab barn? Why the caf when it's that close to go home? Did you just forget to buy food or something?"

"No, I am kinda running low," I said, "but you don't have to eat the green-bean casserole slurry they give you if you don't want to, and actually mostly I'm trying to avoid this chick Laura from the complex; if I go home and do some ramen she'll be sniffing around to 'pregame' with her friends, and then we'll end up getting blasted and hook up while they go out. Normally I wouldn't mind, but I'm feeling good and I actually want to do something tonight, not just get drunk watching TV and have bad vodka sex. I mean, it's been a good day, and I got a feeling it's going to be a good night – how about I bag the caf, and we go down and tear it up at the Scottsdale till we score or get kicked out?"

"I want to go out," she said, stepping up right in next to me, "but I have something that I have to finish drawing out for Riley – some kind of stupid STOVL wing part – and I was hoping that you were going that way so I could ask you to walk me across the quad; there's some weird protest there tonight and I've been hearing bad things about it."

"Some kind of wack protest?" I said, turning to look her over critically. "Bad shit? What the hell is it? The Black Bloc? Frog nazis? And you want me to walk you over? Saj, you'd be beating them up for me. Why not text Remy?"

Sajitha rolled her eyes and sighed a mighty sigh. "First, Remy has a meet against Tech this weekend, so he's in Grabau Green getting kicked in the face. And second, even if he was around, I wouldn't want to encourage him." I wisely refrained from commenting about how she knew a hell of a lot about his schedule, for a dude that she didn't want to encourage interest in. "And I know I can take care of myself; it's just for insurance. I don't think it's frog nazis, but if it is, I want to just go to the lab, and not to jail because I shoved some CompEng incel weeaboo's tiki torch so far up his ass it knocked his teeth out. They won't start if I'm not alone."

I nodded. "Okay, okay. I get you, and it's not that far out of the way. No problem." I stuck my hands in my pockets, maybe unconsciously imitating Remy's fighter's strut. "And if there's really a protest that's going to turn bad, I'm kind of curious about it – I don't think I've ever seen a riot in real life."

Sajitha shuddered. "Yeah, that's a good thing. You really don't want to, trust me. But this one, it's probably not going to be a real riot, people throwing bricks at the cops shooting rubber bullets and stuff. It's not that kind of protest – not political, no counterprotest at least that I've heard about, just talk that it would get taken over for a prank." I could tell she was shaken up about the possibility of a riot, because she didn't even glare at me as I held the door open ahead of her.

"A prank?" I asked. "Who the hell takes over a protest as a prank? What the heck kind of protest even lets itself in for something like that? Are you sure you're getting accurate information?"

Sajitha took a deep breath as we left the library path onto the main road over towards the engineering quad. "A protest put up by amateurs who don't know how to read people who pretend to offer help. Listen, I haven't told a lot of people about this, but back freshman year I rushed one of the desi sororities for like thirty seconds, just so that I could show my parents that it wasn't ever going to happen, and I still talk to a couple of the girls who did make it in. Someone working in the admin office like Tuesday saw an application for a protest from some Anti-Grinckle Askari thing that didn't exist two weeks ago, Comic Sans and formal, non-native English, and they approved it as a joke – and told their frat buddies, who told all their other frat buddies, and now it's like all around the frats that they're going to show up and take over this protest, and with everyone drunk off their ass after that football game, if it even happens it's not going to go well. It's probably not going to go Nazi, but how do you even tell these days – and I spend too much time around the AP lab to not just keep thinking about how much worse things could get than my worst-case scenario."

I was thinking. "Grinckles again – and askari, that's Swahili, for like 'soldier' or 'army'. He might have gotten other people to help him, but this smells like Wilson; he told us he was going to get rid of the grinckles his way, and that we should stay out of the way, but if he's getting taken for a ride by a bunch of frat bros, I'd want to get him out of there, get him back to his senses before he gets blamed for their shit and expelled or something. Those white-cap wastoids can just have Daddy write another full-freight check to Tech or some other school if they get kicked out, but if Wilson loses his scholarship here, that's the end: no degree, no medical boards, and he has to go back to his village and, no lie no racism, live in a house made out of mud and sticks. Seriously; I've seen his pictures from home. We haven't spoken since that thing two weeks ago, but no way I'm going to let that happen to him."

Sajitha nodded, sticking close as we came up on the quad. "I know. I hope it's not – but if it is, then I guess we've got to; do you think I should maybe ping Riley and see if we can't get the rest of the lab to help?"

I turned in place; there was the start of a crowd ahead – thank god no tiki torches, and the haircuts weren't quite shitty enough for a high Nazi turnout – and I had to get this straightened out before we got any closer, up where more people might hear us. "Not now – not right now and not except as a last resort, if everything goes completely to shit and we can't do anything. You call for help from the lab, and Riley's going to roll up here with that cannon again, and half the dislocator rigged up as an area-denial energy weapon, and things are just going to get worse. If we can just put a bag over Wilson's head and kick a couple bros in the stomach and get away like that, we'll do it that way, the easy and sane way, and not make this dumb rally a case for the FBI." Sajitha nodded her agreement, and I turned back, to start leading us through the crowd of white dudes in khakis and polo shirts towards where we'd be able to do something for Wilson if he was mixed up in this.

There sure did seem to be a lot of white people here, a lot more than you got around the engineering quad generally, or at any protest that wasn't going to start heiling at you. And while they still didn't look like Nazis, they didn't smell like the safe kind of white protestors; alcohol and meathead body spray, not patchouli oil and weed. This was a "protest" of mostly frat bros, drunk up to their eyeballs, in it for the lulz – and you had to be real dumb to give Wilson more than a snowball's chance in this kind of crowd, especially if the cops flipped out and shit got real. There was some kind of stage set up on the steps of Dittmarsch Hall, some kind of PA set up there, and I sidled through towards it, trying to make out what was going on and also not knock over anyone's beer and start a riot before we could figure out what the hell was supposed to be happening.

There was a scree and a hiss and a squelch from the speakers up front; some idiot not knowing how to microphone, and then the confirmation for everyone who hadn't done A/V crap in high school: "Yo dudes, y'all ready to get LIT? Are you ready to fight tha power? Ready or not, comin' straight atcha – himself, the generalissimo, El commandante, HNIC of the AGA – come on and give it up! Stand up, set up, get up for the Fearless – uuuurp – Leader, Eddy Wannafunzi!" I could see the speaker gesturing now, gesturing at someone over at the side of the steps who probably was justifiably nervous about following that brain-dead, peripherally racist attempt at a hype intro. "Get up! Get up! Make some noise! Fuck the cops!" The bros around us burst out cheering and wooting, and whoever it was hanging about getting introduced up front decided that was good enough and started to come out, the streetlights glinting off a galaxy of medals on a crazy costume-shop uniform with the brushes on the shoulders, a peaked cap so high it looked like it had been cut right out of a political cartoon.

"Good," Sajitha murmured, pressed into my back. "It's not Wilson up there – it's not him; it's another name and there's no way he'd lose all his self-respect and go outside in a uniform like that. Can we go now? This rally's going to get real stupid if that's how it starts, and someone's going to get hurt."

"No," I said, craning around to see past some idiot in a white baseball hat from a pro lacrosse team, "no, that's definitely Wilson. The name is super fake and I don't know where he got the uniform from, but that's definitely his glasses. Go ahead and text Riley – this is about to officially get so bad that the Applied Physics lab can't make it worse." As if on cue, a megaphone crackled to life, and Wilson's voice gruddered out over the assembled throng – crumpled up and distorted and maybe he was trying to put on a different accent, but Wilson always and all the same.

"Comrades!" he shouted, "Comrades – comrades one and all! We are the same – we want the same thing! We will stop the invasion – we will stop the violation against nature! We will act – we will act united – we will act united right now! We will kill them – we will kill all of them – we will kill all the red fish! We can't stop – we can't even leave one alive. Now! Up! Commit yourselves! Swear it! Hate! Hate! Kill!"

"Man, it's a good thing he's got his fist closed, holding it up like that, or I'd think we were really in bizarro world," I said, shoving some drunk bro out of the way so Sajitha could nudge past. "I give it about fifteen seconds until someone yells a racial slur and the police come in with clubs – no idea how he's still talking up there." The crowd was roiling around us, yelling incoherently at the challenge lines, occasionally making sense, but a bad kind of sense: "Yeah! Kill! Fuck! Get'em! Fuck the cops! Revenge!" Wilson was talking about grinckles up on the stage, in a way that would whip up his audience before they realized that he was talking about fish, but down here, nobody was hearing anything about fish at all.

"Yeah! Hell yeah! That's it! Fight the power!" The hype man, whoever he was, was back, and Wilson was looking confused that he was getting upstaged, that his anti-grinckle rally was getting co-opted into an anti-something else rally. "You heard the man – you heard the man – we got to get'em – we got to get the reds! The fish are the end of the wedge – the fish are the tip of the iceberg; you know what we need to do. We got to get all the ching chong fish, get all the ching chong cops, get all of them, we show them who's boss! Fight the power! Fuck the cops! Get the chingchongs!" I almost stopped for a moment as the crowd exploded – the cops must be charging from some side or another, the explicit race riot incitement the last straw – trying to figure out just how and why in the hell this had suddenly turned into a riot against Asians, and then Sajitha shoved me forward.

"RIOT!!!" someone bellowed too close, and the crowd turned into a moshpit, and I was getting rammed forward like the prow of an icebreaker, Sajitha's shoulder in my back. Dudes were punching other dudes, going flying past and above and around us, randoms screaming, and it was all I could do to defend myself. "I hope you like your riot now," she said, still shoving, "because this is going to feel like makeouts from a starstuck freshman next to what's going to happen in a moment. Please, help shove, so we can get to your stupid, stupid friend before they open up with tear gas." "GAS GAS GAS!" someone screamed, either because they heard her wrong or because someone had actually gotten a whiff of pepper spray, and the riot turned into a stampede.

With more of the bros running and fewer of them fighting us, it got easier to push forward, enough to get close enough to see Wilson arguing with his hype man – close enough to see him catch a slap on the ear that unbalanced him and pitched him a nasty fall down the stairs. I forgot Sajitha, forgot the butthole who'd just punched him in the head, and dove over to make sure he was all right – still breathing, no blood like a fracture, but his eyes were rolled back like he was concussed. "Wilson! Wilson! Say something!"

"Mic DROOOOOP!" yelled the hype man from a few steps up, following it up by dropping the hot mic into a scrultching cacophony of electronic noise as it bashed itself off the steps towards me. "You got tha powaaa! You got to get up! You got to kill all tha dam ching-chong!" The shithead was wearing Wilson's idiot cap and doing an accent that was probably trying to be Nigerian based on a racist comedian who'd only ever heard it second-hand, and was the shit goddamn last absolute thing we needed. He lowered the megaphone, wavering as he looked us over, staring up and down Sajitha's figure; "Hey, baby," he said, super-obviously drunk, "what up? You wanna slammalama-ding-dong?" He swung his hips and leered, oblivious to the full-scale riot raging around us.

"Oh yeah," Sajitha said, slipping her right hand into her handbag, "I definitely wanna smash." She took a step forward, wiggling her shoulders to distract him, and then punched him so hard with the brass knuckles around her right fist that I saw a shower of teeth and maybe jawbone chips go flying the other way. The hype man went down in a heap, and there was no sign of anyone stupid or brave or interested enough to avenge him anywhere close.

"How is he?" Sajitha dropped down beside me as I tried to cradle Wilson's head, keep his feet elevated, so that at least he wouldn't get any worse and it would be obvious, if the cops broke through here, that he was a victim and not a perp.

"He's hurt bad," I said, "he went down the stairs bad and I guess he hit his head – I dunno if he's conscious yet. Where's the help? Where's the lab? Shit, I'd be glad to see them roll up with that goddamned cannon again, things are so bad."

"Riley's sending Carolína to get us with the truck," Sajitha answered, ripping the more obvious medals off Wilson's uniform in case someone had made him as an Idi Amin cosplayer. "I didn't hear anything about a cannon, but you never know." Behind us, there was a squeal of tires, the roar of an engine, and then the shouts and screams of a bunch of panicked frat bros as Carolína's beat-up black Bronco skidded sideways through them to come to a stop at the foot of the stairs. I didn't think you even could drift a Ford Bronco – that must have been something that they worked on when they put the engine back on its mounts after the cannon thing.

The passenger door popped open as if from a kick, but it wasn't Carolína hunched up so she could barely see over the wheel in the driver's seat – that was Yuping's black brush, tall and rigid way up near the roof. The plan had changed since Sajitha got her text, obviously, but he was still a friend and we had to get while the getting was good. I threw Wilson's arm over my shoulders to carry him over to the truck, and Sajitha rushed ahead to open the rear door and get us all bundled in.

The crowd was starting to close up around us by the time she closed the passenger door behind her and Yuping put the Bronco in gear again – a few of them maybe noticing that he was one of the ones they were supposed to hate. "So what happened? Is Carolína okay?" Sajitha didn't look that concerned, but if the plan was changed now, there might be other changes later.

"She okay," Yuping said, "Riley just change driver last minute. 'Colombian learn drive too nice,' Riley say, 'because consequences. But Chinese don't take prisoner.'" Yuping set the shifter, left hand holding the wheel in hard, then stomped on the gas, scattering frat bros like leaves before the whirlwind. It wasn't strictly accurate – Yuping hadn't been one of those princelings immune to the laws back in China, but then again I was pretty sure that Colombians didn't actually settle every traffic argument with gunplay either – but if it got him to move like this it was good enough. Protestors and cops alike jumped out of our way as he gunned the engine, accelerating over the footpaths to go and find a road; if he was going to drive like this, we didn't need the autocannon to get away.

Yuping parked by the loading dock behind the building that housed the AP lab after a bunch of twists and turns and ducks to make sure we'd shed all the cops, and I handed off Wilson's incriminating uniform jacket to Sajitha to throw in a dumpster while Yuping and I carried him up the stairs. Up in the lab, Carolína had hugs and ajiaco and aguardiente for everyone and enough cardboard and spare cushions on the floor to let Wilson rest easy; Riley, by contrast, was completely occupied torch-cutting something and barely looked up as we came in.

"I don't get it, though," I said, after we'd gotten him comfortable; Wilson was stirring a little, but it was better to let him come back to himself on his own terms, with as much chicken-potato stew and sugarcane whiskey as that would involve. "I mean, what the shit? Who the hell is mad about Asians in this day and age? I mean, shit, 'ching-chong', who even says that?"

"It was kind of a bad day for them, you know," Carolína said, like she was taking part in a different conversation. "If they didn't have Roosevelt Kang in their fantasy, it was very bad – he went off, he threw four touchdowns and ran in a fifth on a naked bootleg very late, like he was rubbing it in."

I blinked, because I wasn't sure what Wisconsin's half-Korean quarterback had to do with anything. "Okay, yeah, that's a good day for Kang, and if the dude you were playing started him, then yeah, you got killed, but there was a lot of bros there – they couldn't all have been playing against him this week." Sajitha and Carolína and Yuping all stared at me after that, and even Riley turned around, torch laid aside.

"Leo, we played Wisconsin today," Sajitha said at last, slowly like she couldn't believe someone was this dumb. "At home. We lost 45-nothing. Roosevelt Kang squatted down and teabagged the entire campus, or at least all the people who care too much about football. Do you get it now?" I started to get it – angry drunks who'd just gotten humiliated in their own stadium; white people, mostly, who'd seen some Asian-looking dude go yard on them at football. It was easier to understand, but that didn't make the riot any less stupid.

"All right," I said, "I kind of get it – I can understand it, but I can't excuse it. And shit, Wilson, what were you thinking? I can't excuse that, getting up in front of a bunch of drunk, short-fuse white people and talking like that. You hang around with me too much, man – you forget how like nearly all the other white people around here are." I felt kind bad about rolling it downhill onto Wilson, blinking on the cushion pile with Carolína holding a bag of peas to the lump on his head, but he was conscious again and it really did go down to him: he didn't have to have this rally, but he did it, and one way or another everything went from there.

"I had to," he said, his voice soft and rounded at the edges, like he was half-dreaming, half-there. "I had to – if you don't get them screaming, they just sit and scratch. And I have to get them screaming – you didn't see, I didn't send you profile after it finished. This 'grinckle', this thing – didn't it come from here? This lab? The genetics is all wrong – it's all wrong backwards, it's so wrong that if I took a different course last semester, more genetic cladistics, I maybe might say it's not a fish. What the hell? Who makes a fish that's not a fish, then puts it on campus to walk by crutches pond to pond? Nobody – but when it happens – only Applied Physics."

"Wilson, I – yeah, I kind of get where you're coming from. But – why? What the hell's that supposed to get anybody?"

He shook his head, wincing from the bruise. "I don't know. I don't think, maybe, I can ever find out. But there's no why – nobody else can, so when it happens, it's Applied Physics must have."

"I appreciate the vote of confidence," Riley said from the corner, "but just so you know, the grinckles aren't our fish. I've got my hands full with enough crap as it is – we're not gene-printing random new fish to get Yuping more likes. Speaking of," – and Riley changed the subject, exactly like Riley always changed the subject, and like always this was a change for the worse that we'd all have been better off if it didn't have to happen – "Leo, don't you live in Muttonbird Terraces?"

I blinked again, afraid of what was about to come next. "Yes. Yeah, I do. Why?"

"You're trending local." I immediately grabbed up my phone and punched in on the tag; everyone around me was doing the same. Lol fire at Muttonbird – lol fratboys burning down Muttonbird – i'm live right now yall gotta see this cops shooting at houses on fire at Muttonbird – lol Muttonbird such poors many molotov. I slumped forward. Perfect. The idiot frats had gotten run off the eng quad and now they were burning down my home development and fighting the cops in the ruins. The phone buzzed, and someone was livestreaming: a cop car was rolled over, on fire against a backdrop of low-rises on fire, white-hatted assholes jumping around, shaking up and throwing beer cans like grenades, as my entire neighborhood went up in smoke. I looked up, and I had become the lab's pity sink; even Wilson, a glass of aguardiente under his nose to sniff himself awake, was looking at me like I was a street dog begging for pats.

"Well, yeah, you're not going to be able to go home for a while after that – if there's even anywhere to go back to." Riley cut to the chase like usual, standing up, hands on hips. "But you're a friend of the lab, and there's always a place here for you, same as for your friend if he wants to hide out here till the heat goes down. Sit tight for a second; I'll send Yuping out to go grab some extra cardboard, and I'll kick clear a place under the lathe in a minute or two." Riley nodded approvingly at me, and nobody else in the lab thought there was anything wrong with it. Excellent. What an awesome Saturday night. I'd made some mistakes today, but this was the dead-ass all end: a nice promising weekend with the homework all done turning into one of my best friends mauled in a riot, my place burned down, and me ending up living sleeping on the floor in the friggin Applied Physics lab was all anyone ought to need to convince themselves that no matter how bad they thought their worst-case scenario was, it could always get worse. A lot worse. A whole lot worse, if Riley and this crazy lab somehow happened to get involved.

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#nanowrimo #alifeofriley #fiction

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