#do with you and its like. you know. the autism and the anxiety disorders u know the things you know about and are meant 2 be helping me with

[krispiecake]

soooo funny actually

[damagedcoda6669]

how did youknow youbhad bpd? what were the main "symptoms" ?? soryif it comes off as personal or uncomfy you dont hsveto answer

(im rlly rlly rlly autistic abt bpd PREPARE 4 AN ENTIRE BIBLE ABT HOW I DISCOVERED I HAD IT)

ive exhibited symptoms of bpd my entire life (it usually starts 2 present in childhood or early adulthood, it comes from childhood abuse/neglect) i only started 2 notice something was wrong in my tweens/early teens, when malachi became my favorite person and every1 was calling me mentally ill and weird and obsessive. ive known my entire life i was neurodivergent (first started therapy at 6 or 7, diagnosed with bipolar + autism + adhd + depression + anxiety RLLY early on) but there was something else that felt wrong 2 me. at that age i didnt rlly know what 2 search 4 or who 2 talk 2, so i just went on google and searched "love disorders" and obsessive love disorder came up (which isnt even in the DSM iirc) and i posted on google plus saying i likely had that and was shot down IMMEDIATELY 4 "self diagnosing" so i didnt revisit it again until a few years later.

after my breakup in 2021 i felt like it hurt WAY MORE than was normal. i stumbled across a video abt bpd during that time period and it resonated with me way 2 much. im impulsive, i have angry outbursts, im constantly suicidal, i self harm, i have extreme mood swings, i dont know who i am and ive always just mirrored other ppl, i dissociate, i have black and white thinking, i view ppl as all good or all bad and i split, i have consistently unstable relationships, i get attached 2 ppl more than i should be, and i have a paralyzing, nauseating fear of abandonment. i have every symptom in the diagnostic criteria.

i brought up the possibility of me having bpd with my mom i think (i had no one else 2 go 2 becuz all of my friends abandoned me and my parents took away my internet access) and i was shot down again, with my mom saying the CLASSIC "(insert family member) has bpd and shes crazy. ur normal. stop pretending theres something wrong with u. if u had bpd u'd be vindictive and petty and evil. do u think ur those things?"

once i figured out how 2 get my internet access back, maryland dude forced the bpd label on2 me becuz he wanted 2 explain my "abusive" behaviors (he was abusing me but tried 2 gaslight me in2 thinking i had a victim complex and that it was the other way around) and i became uncomfortable with the label becuz he made it seem like if i had bpd then i was a bad person. i continued researching the disorder becuz it still resonated with me even though i was now insecure abt it.

i became comfortable with the label again after he abandoned me, and i brought it up with my therapist. my therapist would HEAVILY DENY that i had bpd, telling me that "if u had bpd u would be attempting suicide 4 attention" "u fit the diagnostic criteria but ur autistic so all of ur symptoms can just be attributed 2 autism srry" "ive had clients with bpd and if u were like them u wouldve had an outburst in my office and be yelling at me by now" and she would even smile at me whenever i brought up my bpd becuz she thought it was funny that i thought i had it, i think. the first time i brought it up with her she told me "its rlly irresponsible 2 self diagnose after reading liek two articles online abt some extreme disorder becuz u think ur broken. ur not broken. dont self diagnose with bpd" and i had to EXPLAIN 2 HER that i wasnt self diagnosing and that id researched it in depth 4 years actually and that she was making assumptions. horribly ableist towards ppl with cluster b disorders, this is a MASSIVE RED FLAG but i didnt switch therapists becuz i was still living with my parents at this point and i felt out of control in every aspect of my life 4 this reason, i didnt even see switching therapists as an option.

then in 2023, while i was homeless, i got evaulated by a psychiatrist. i discussed my bpd with him and finally got diagnosed. i told my therapist i was diagnosed with bpd and she said something like "well im not always gonna be able 2 catch everything" BUT I WAS TELLING U ABT MY BPD 4 MONTHS!!!!! so glad i dont have that therapist anymore but now i dont have one at all, so liek.. hrmmm >:c

im gonna end this by saying.. self diagnosis is valid!!! its so hard 2 get a bpd diagnosis becuz its so demonized and stigmatized, that even those in the mental health system r ableist towards the disorder and those who have it. diagnosis is not always an option with disorders like bpd, and thats so frustrating. its so hard 2 find help becuz every1 thinks ur crazy. but ur not crazy!!! i love all my fellow bpders, i know how agonizing and it is 2 live this tormented life. if u suspect u have bpd, the bpd community welcomes u and supports u!!! and i do 2 :3

[dot-png]

bryce Hfj Nd Headcanons u Say... ? Share them Pretty Pleas? wuld Love 2 Hear ur Thoughts Bout that Guy..

i see him having anxiety, clinical depression, c-ptsd and autism

the depression part is kinda obvious as to why if you pay attention to his character but ill elaborate later

the anxiety part is actually technically canon, since he has thalassophobia, which is an anxiety disorder (plus the fact i dont think airy would just randomly add a fun fact to their extra sections - a phobia caused by an actual disorder differs from just an irrational fear so yeah (also caney has epilepsy listed in his extra sections which is a disorder)) i'd like to incorporate that along with the cptsd part since it causes anxiety obviously

as for autism its more of a headcanon for fun rather than with factual basis but ill elaborate on it also

my reasoning for him having c-ptsd is not because of the competition but his childhood, his mom's behavior was so bad that stella had to out of her way to keep bryce away from her

i say complex ptsd specifically because of how he asks if she's having "another one" so we can assume it happened consistently. he also didn't have any way to escape (aside from stella distracting him) considering it was domestic. i dont really think his mom abused him in some way ? but the consequences had to be destructive enough for stella to assume their own home was unsafe for a small child. we don't see much about bryce's relationship with his mom (or his parents in general) but that 100% carried on to his adult self - especially if it happened frequently, and it was super early too because i dont think he was any older than like 7 in that flashback

another factor for this is stella's death ofc, we know how much their relationship mattered to him and how losing her affected him so i dont think i need to overexplain it

as for the way its shown in the show: compared to everyone else, his startled response feels more severe for me, like he always goes on fight or flight mode rather than just freaking out a little. i want to point out one 10 specially

liam shows up at bryces door after 7 months and just stays there for an entire night, during all that time liam just rambles about one and his mere presence is a reminder of one for bryce. one was a traumatizing experience for everyone, but bryce processes it differently, being reminded of that just sents him into shock:

he can't think of how to react until 10 hours later. the way liam reacts at first suggest he thinks bryce is just being rude and purposefully ignoring him, he thinks bryce shouldn't avoid talking to him because he thinks he didn't go through the same amount of pain he [liam] did on the plane and he shouldn't act like he did; but he isn't aware of how anything that remotely reminds him of a bad experience can send him spiraling back to that place, he may not have stayed as long and not have suffered as much (or worse) as liam, but he's been living with this mindset for so long that it's just an automatic reaction. he can panic at anything:

(and i wanna point out how on the first one the shot focuses specifically on him)

and that may seem obvious like, yeah of course he would panic in one 10 of course he was trying to process seeing liam out of nowhere after almost a year but i only went on this tangent and brought that up bc i wanna link it to another thing ....

in one 13 bryce says how "his life was miserable before the competition" and "now that its over he has an incentive to do something with his life". kylie also says that after bryce came back she feels like "he's taking his job more seriously". what i wanna touch on is how the way they put it seems like bryce is trying to like find a purpose in his life, but not exactly find peace ? i don't know exactly how to put it. like he says he was pretty miserable and demotivated he had a stupid chungus life whatever. it feels like he was trying to get his life in order and get more done, rather than facing what was holding him back in the first place and try to make peace with that. he felt unproductive when that's not really the main cause of his misery. which brings me to..

his whole thing with the waiting room. he didn't have any panic reaction, but he was definitely clinging to the past, in this case his childhood and the moments he got to feel safe with stella

now i know the waiting room is designed to make you want to go to whatever's calling you no matter what, but metaphors exist ok . so im gonna consider it a metaphor for his cptsd in bryce's case

he spends the entire episode clinging to the manifestation of stella, but liam stops him from actually going w her because he wants them to solve the whole airy thing first. by the end of it, bryce stops seeing the suburbs as well as stella. when liam and bryce finally get to rest, he says:

he didn't realize that his tendency to ignore his suffering in the past doesn't prepare him for when it pops up again. it send him into terror, he can't help but go back to reliving it, this cycle just kept making him feel worse but he insisted in doing better instead of reconciling with himself

his childhood and one were two different traumatic experiences, but accepting he can't just live what he went through in that competition behind makes him realize he doesn't need to be scared of his past so often. he had to realize he can't just constantly try to repress what happened and move on without reflecting on the way what happened scarred him and continues to affect him; even if he supresses it, it will come back one point and make him go through all that all over again (which is another reason for me to think that people saying bryce dislikes liam is stupid but thats not the point !🙄)

as for his depression season 1 implies it a lot, specially with the flashback sequence in one 7 i can see him having executive dysfunction and it being one of the reasons as to why he tried changing so much after one he also has problems with sleep, and the irritability that comes with experiencing depression in general. also stella's death once again contributes to it

i see him being autistic mainly because he's this trope basically:

(sorry this image is the only way i could put it . you have to understand . ) kylie says how he's not very expressive, and we see how he really isn't. monotonicity is very characteristic of asd, in his case it feels specially like a symptom considering how, in most cases, people don't mean to be as monotone as they are. we know bryce isn't exactly the most chill person in the world he just has a hard time managing and expressing his emotions

bringing up executive dysfunction again, its also a common trait in asd

another thing is his hypersensitivity (which i already talked about a lot), overstimulation can lead to panic attacks you get what i mean. i think he fits as being sensory avoidant

the way he handles most social situations in the show (specially on the plane and with liam on season 2) i can see him being oblivious to social cues

not exactly factual basis just a little analysis, i interpret him being low empathy but high compassion. i think the low empathy would be more related to his irritability

[cringelordofchaos]

Disability + Queer headcanons for some South Park characters i like

(warning: u might not agree w everything i have to say !!! :shocked emoji:)

(also sorry if im inconsistent w some characters pronouns ill probably refer to a character with their canon pronouns in the show and then when i remember trans hcs of said characterr suddenly ill refer to the w different pronouns)

Craig Tucker

- gay (no fucking shit sherlock)

- level 1 autistic, low empathy, difficulties communicating and understanding emotions, yada yada u get the gist

- some form of anxiety? idk probs not to a disordered amount but its there.

Kenny McCormick

- Chronic pain (everywhere)

- Epilepsy

- dude LITERALLY got a seizure from simply playing a video game (in thepokemon episode) this dudes physical health is so bad prolly cuz his constant deaths still leave an impact on him even after he gets revived?

- autism !? (idk im not 100% sure just yet)

- selectively mute

- probably some form of (complex?) PTSD from the constant traumatizing deaths he endures though again like im not sure

- but yyeah ok i just remembered thispost is about disability AND queer hcs so uhm kenny. I like the genderqueer hcs but he could also just be really gnc and i love that for him too. either way likes women a lot and i cant exactly imagine him liking a dude? like idk maybe but nah i dont see it

Tweek Tweak

- im sorry but i personally dont view him as having adhd cuz his parents tell others hes hyperactive bc of it but really its because they keep drugging the fucking eight year old so idk. like idk he could possibly have it but i cant decipher cuz we dont know what tweek would be like if he wasnt drugged and a coffee addict at such a young age. and causes of symptoms matter

- but yeah he def has GAD and panic disorder bc of the drugged coffee

- oh also gay

eric cartman

- NPD (i know hes a really stereotypical and harmful portrayal of it and there should be better representation of it but theres no way he doesnt have it im sorry)

- sexuality and gender are whatever benefits him at the moment

(ok but if ur actually wondering abt my hc hes probably gay)(in extreme denial obviously though)

Butters Stotch

- has some form of disorder related to trauma and if he doesnt hell get one when he grows up because like dudes been through SOME FUCKING SHIT. (and he canonically falls asleep to and wakes up to the sounds of his own screams so like. uhm)

- seems like hes straight? like could be bi though idk. he DID have a crush on princess kenny though? take it as you will lmao

- SHIT i forgot about marjorine. yeah just like w kenny either genderqueer or gnc, love both hcs

- may i suggest aroace butters though

- or no sexuality butters (he doesnt have a sexuality :broke heart:)(dont aks me how that works it jst does)

Stan Marsh

- Major depressive disorder

- literal alcoholic at age 10 thats bound to mess him up for life one way or another

- canonically diagnosed with asperger's syndrome but it was his obvious depression being misdiagnosed

- bi but like only gay for specific chars. but yeah confused abt sexuality

- gender questioning too and its pretty canon as shown in 'the cissy'. though then again stans really empathetic so u could say stans confused feelings of gender identity were just being influenced by cartman and wendy recently telling the school theyre trans. idk WHICH way stans trans though and neither do they

- emo

kyle broflovski

- im gonna hes say asexual cuz of human kite's character chart thingy and also bc why not

- have got zero clue as to what his sexuality is like. im a style shipper (big surprise ik) so u might think i think he likes dudes but idk. ive never seen anyone hc him as aroace before but i think it could fit him. he does seem like he could just be cishet too. or maybe bi? ive also seen gay hcs of him. idk man i think multiple fit depending on how u interpret his character?

-

Tolkien Black

- his roleplay character chart thingy said ther character was gender neutral so im going w that hc

- likes girls (canon as shown in cartman finds love)

Bradly/Bradley (the one from the conversion therapy episode)

- gay (SHOCKER)(BIGASS SURPRISE)(

Timmy

- canon wheelchair user (whats the term again i forgor) and also intellectually disabled (but also there was one point where it was revealed he was actually a genius i think?? so maybe hes not intellectually disabled but rather he lacks the capacity to express or communicate his inner world? idk)

- timmy

thas all i got for now im too lazy to continue but yeah pls dont kill me for these

EDIT 11/JUNE/2024: forgot to say this but also kenny has more physical disabilities than listed and also Cartman is dyslexic in my hc

[toxycodone]

i understand its all joaks and its lighthearted out of love for this character but it is a little sad to see things like laios being a minimum wage worker and having no friends being described as him being a loser when theyre extremely common autistic experiences 💔 because to be honest i think youre really cool and a great writer and i would like to interact more but it makes me go, is that what you would think of me? my life situation’s not too different from that. anyways i hope you have a nice day <3

no not at all I genuinely like being mean to Laios so take everything I say about him with the world's biggest effing grain of salt because I am just. mean to him in particular lol. i like to kick him when he's down. (evil and mean but to blonde men in particular)

but like. i am not cool at all. like...........ill put it under the cut but yeah.

real shit under the cut bc this ask is making me think! im gonna be real w u nonnie

tl:dr if u dont wanna see whats under the cut:

this ask kinda makes me think bc. i think im really mean to laios too bc he reminds me of myself beforehand (zero self confidence and suicidal idealization) sigh and I really hate being reminded of that. so. again. im really biased when it comes to him specifically and that doesn't apply to you or any of my followers.

and for what its worth i am sorry for making you feel that way.

but also. i gotta say I can 100% relate to him and you. this time last year I was working at Starbucks ( i could only tolerate 4 hour shifts bc i would get overstimulated and my coworkers lowkey hated me.) and had like. 1 friend from high school and the years before that I spent turbo online being constantly pushed out of friend groups bc i could NEVER get anything right socially. I swear the first 23 years of my life I never lived. i went thru hs and college as a fucking. like. creature I felt like i couldnt connect w anyone because I was too tormented by adhd + autism and i was INSANELY depressed and coping w lack of control by having an eating disorder and being doped the fuck up on stimulants. (MY PCP gave me 56 mg of concerta and 5mg booster of adderall i was fucking tweaking on the daily </3)

but like. i started going to therapy and a psychiatrist who made me quit cold turkey for my own good and we started treating my depression and debilitating anxiety (i was convinced a stranger was living in my house in secret but also that everyone in public who saw me was revolted by me and genuinely wanted me to kill myself jkdhsfskdjh i told you i was tweaking)

anyways. i was a druggie with no goal in life and living in my own head and now like. i can look at myself in the mirror and not think "hey. this fat ugly piece of shit should genuinely die" and now people in real life LIKE me. I have friends. multiple friend groups, actually. WITH NOT JUST ND PEOPLE. LIKE, A LOT OF THEM ARE NEUROTYPICAL. And i am very open about being autistic with them and i dont have to mask.

and they still like me! and invite me places! and genuinely want to hang out with me! and they think im smart and get uncomfortable when I say im stupid or too autistic to like. be able to be in public.

it still feels like a dream and in my mind im like "they actually are gonna drop you and make fun of you for thinking they were ever your friends" or like "theyre just doing this bc of the stupid buddy system shit or they think you're a pet this is highschool all over again"

but even tho im haunted by this. its....I can say with confidence its not true.

anyways. i know people say this shit all the time but I will say you are very capable of love and not a loser or anything like that. the thing you're missing out on is the right people. i didnt believe this for most of my life and tried to get myself killed because of it but im glad I didn't because it is genuinely true.

i have spent the last <1 year of my life genuinely being alive. and i wouldn't trade it for anything. idk if thats a sign for anyone yeah. take it

[vividaway]

when i was little i couldnt grasp/fathom what an autistic person experienced the world like. (read: i was autistic and couldnt put myself in somebody elses shoes). i also had really shitty adults who'd shrug off my question about it with "oh, well, you know. it's in the same grouping as down syndrome and what not!" (its really not but they meant that they both may require special needs) and this did nothing to paint a picture on what it meant to be autistic.

obviously the neurotypical adults around me likely couldn't explain it back then (nor could they accurately do so now) but it feels kinda...vindicating to know/be autistic. to look at that moment in my childhood and go "hah! you silly child! look in the mirror! you ARE autistic!". but also to know that every time they used 'autistic' as an insult...they werent correct?

at least, for me and a lot of my peers, our autistic traits can mirror and mimic so many disorders that neurotypical people experience such as anxiety, depression, and even ADHD (though thats not NT but u get my point!!). whenever they used autism as an insult, they usually meant dumb. stupid. slow. all of the above. "what are you, autistic?" is almost never used in the context of speaking to a person having a panic attack, yet thats how a lot of peoples autism presents itself. and i dont know why... but theres something beyond vindicating about knowing this when my educators and guardians failed to understand it. it's like harboring a little secret that the world just doesn't grasp.

[candysharkart]

hi would u be willing to talk more ab ur belcher hcs that theyre all schizoaffective? :]

i can defs try! i cant promise i have really anything "smart" or insightful to say, cuz my husband and i just kinda draw from our own experiences :o

(if u are reading this and dont know what schizoaffective disorder is, im writing this w/ the definition of "a combination of schizophrenic symptoms and mood disorder symptoms like major depressive and bipolar disorder")

bob has felt the most schiz to us from the start, he's got his voices, which feel way more like he's acting as a mouthpiece for the objects he's talking to, rather than him just doing a bit. he knows its not "real" but also. it is to him. (i think hes also had some? hallucinations? but most are drug or stress induced and he also has a lot of cartoon dream sequences so...?) he struggles with paranoia and anxiety, and he's had pretty manic and depressive episodes in the show. i think he tries his best to stay grounded and self-aware with his delusions. he's very skeptical, and gets really irritated by misinformation. (probs also an affect of his autism tbh)

we also have a hc that he's more irritable and negative in the early seasons bc he's on meds that arent a good fit for him. (we dont really have meds hcs other than that. they might not be able to afford them)

linda's symptoms arent as obvious beyond her delusions like the raccoons and the cemetery stuff, but i think she's taught herself to suppress her issues so she could better support gayle who had more disruptive ones. her parents seem like the "stop being mentally ill its annoying" types. she has her own instances of paranoia and anxiety, but she mostly tries to smother and ignore anything negative she feels. VERY manic and impulsive tho. i think she also has some hallucinations in show but im drawing blanks on specifics.....

i would personally say tina is pretty depressive, but she's good at trying to cope in (mostly) healthy ways. her family is a good support system for her! she does have the most instances of visual hallucinations that arent cartoon bits (she seems to have them a lot when shes feeling guilty...) her anxiety and paranoia reminds me a lot of bob but also of gayle. they have similar outburts

gene has the least examples that i can think of.... i think he considers ken to be pretend and is just joking about him being real bc it annoys bob (compared to tina who thinks her horse Jericho is maybe...a little real) but i think he has some other hallucinations tht arent like that. hes surprisingly anti-social! he definitely often views himself as superior to the kids he knows. gets that from his dad lol. and his mania and impulsiveness are very much like linda :) he doesnt have depressive episodes as much as the others, but they hit him really hard :(

and louise! shes paranoid and has lots of aggression issues! to me she is also very depressed. (the puppet ep is esp relatable to me lol........) and she's VERY manic in the ambergris ep! i think she also has a couple instances of voices similar to bob's? but its kinda hard to tell the difference when shes still a kid who plays pretend with her toys. her talking to the taffy dummy feels more like what bob does tho.

i hope? thats the kind of hcs you were talking about? ive been trying to think of the right words for like 3 hours now. im very bad with words and so much of this stuff can also be attributed to other brain stuff, and one person can have a lot going on in one brain! so i hope i dont upset anyone with this post. thank u for ur time :)

[maepersonal]

What up, I'm Mae, I'm 19, and I never fucking learned how to read

main blog: @lockyle-and-skull

*all likes and follows will appear to come from there, even if we interact here*

about me: name: Mae or Ames age: 19 pronouns: ae/aer, it/its, she/her queer?: aroace + agender :3 why am I like this™?: autism, ocpd, bpd, ocd, adhd, anxiety, depression, alexithymia, aphantasia, dyspraxia, sometimes nonverbal & semiverbal, pots, tic disorder, sometimes agere (9-13ish) MBTI: ISTP :) aesthetic: here! :D element: water (duh) hogwarts house: slytherin ;) (I actually hate hp but I'm proud of my house) favorite colors: blue, green, purple nationality: american (canadian + german parents) shit I like: kpop: Lunarsolar, Xdinary Heroes, Ateez, Yena, Bibi, others more casually music: hardcore punk, punk, hard rock, symphonic metal, alt rock, nu metal, power metal, glam rock, hyperpop, Elliot Lee, Andrew Polec, Meat Loaf, Sick Puppies, In This Moment, Black Market Kidney Surgeons, Anti Flag (fuck justin sane), Iggy Pop, Car Seat Headrest musicals: Sweeney Todd (1982), Newsies, Ride the Cyclone, Bat Out of Hell, The Lightning Thief, Bonnie & Clyde, everything Starkid (but especially Starship, Black Friday, and Trail to Oregon) movies: The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence, Velvet Goldmine, Star Wars prequels, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Narnia, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets tv shows: Lockwood and Co, Julie and the Phantoms, Haikyuu, The 100 games: Palworld, The Enchanted Cave 2, BATIM, YTTD, Children of Silentown, The Mortuary Assistant, Little Witch in the Woods, Until Dawn, The Quarry, SCP Foundation, Project Kat, definitely more stuff I'm forgetting other stuff: wet specimen taxidermy, punk diy, collecting weird shit, tornadoes, alchemy, statistics, photography, The Council <3, insects, being a non-theistic satanist (inspired by LaVeyan satanism), being punk, being an anarcho-communist tech support: op tag: #oh mae oh my pfp: Bronté Barbé as Katherine in Newsies UK header: MUU (ex-LUNARSOLAR) - Shooting Star MV not safe for littles tag: #nsfl - BLOCK IF NEEDED

let me know if you want anything tagged differently!!

FAQ:

why are u reblogging/interacting with therian/DID content? because I am very close with a system that has therians and non-human alters :)

what do you use this blog for? this blog is mostly for irl, kpop, bpd, other mental disorders, anarchy, aroace, agere, vents, and anything else I feel like doesn't fit on my main :)

no DNI, just don't be a dick.

[1863-project]

so for your poll abt abelism in fandom communities - i voted yes + reblogged but i will say i dont 1000% know im doing this right.

but for my experiences its been a lot of stigmatising of cluster b personality disorders. i have BPD which is already incredibly misunderstood/stigmatised but especially in fandom spaces where its "i headcanon x character w bpd" and immediately met with "no u cant bc ppl w bpd r evil and functionally not even ppl!!! all they do is hurt ppl they care about fuck them fuck ppl w bpd!!!" which

is incredibly harmful, as you'd imagine.

as well, i have autism and suspected schizophrenia and OCD (autism diagnosed, i am working on getting evaluated for schizophrenia and/or OCD) and fandom spaces can be incredibly rude to people with autism. whether it is schizophrenia related or not, i deal with extreme bouts of paranoia. fandom spaces also have a tendency to play into this - ie "joking" threats to be in my walls to hunt me down to kill me because i have a different fandom opinion.

its. alot. and i avoid most fandom spaces because of it.

Anon, I'm so sorry this has been your experience, because it absolutely should not be. This is the entire point of doing the poll and using the data to work on an essay - this behavior needs to be addressed and acknowledged as harmful.

I'm autistic with OCD myself, and this website is definitely bad to people with OCD. The misunderstanding of intrusive thoughts and how so many people become purity police and assume those intrusive thoughts actually mean you want to do something instead of understanding that they cause OCD folks extreme distress and anxiety is really, really harmful. And don't get me started on autism - I've been out in the real world doing self-advocacy for over a decade now, and the way a lot of people in fandom spaces treat autism is abysmal - there's even a lot of internalized ableism on that front, i.e. "I can't be ableist because I'm also disabled!" We all have internalized ableism to work through because of the world we live in.

Cluster B personality disorders and psychotic disorders get it the worst, though, with people treating those with them as "inhuman" and "evil" more often than not. No one is inherently more "evil" than anyone else. A personality disorder doesn't necessarily indicate that a person is bad. A psychotic disorder doesn't, either. BPD in particular actually makes a person very vulnerable to being abused due to the nature of how it works, but people love ignoring that part.

RE: people using your paranoia to send hateful anons, be really careful about what you share about yourself online. If you give too much information about what specifically can be used to hurt you, some people will absolutely do it. I know I may sound like an overly cautious adult to many of you (I'm 34), but when I was a teenager, we didn't put any personal information online in order to keep ourselves safe. If you aren't talking to people you really trust, don't necessarily share that information, because people are often cruel when they feel they can be so without any repercussions. Don't put all your triggers in your Carrd, don't make massive DNIs with all of the things that can hurt you in them - just use the block button and protect yourselves. Not everyone is acting in bad faith, and indeed, most humans aren't, but there are always some who will, and if they know how to hurt you or get back at you, they won't hesitate to hit where it hurts.

I'm sorry you have to remove yourself from fandom spaces just to feel safe, anon. It really isn't fair and you should be allowed to have a safe experience too.

[bear-momma]

hi do u have any tips on making friends? ive been trying so hard but i cant make any. idk if its cause im off putting or ugly or both but im rlly isolated and i feel like i wont ever progress

im not the best at keeping conversations or making them and i have terrible anxiety but i do try

im in the process of getting diagnosed for autism but im already diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder and ik that affects stuff so maybe thats why? or im just unlikeable in general

im only 16 and i dont go to public school anymore cause of the things that happened but i barely had friends there either

ive tried irl and online so i think im just gonna give up now and wait

i just hate never talking to anyone or having nobody to talk to or confide in

im always alone in my room bored waiting on something to happen. i barely talk now (not like i ever did in the first place) but i talk even less like im mute

i lack a lot of things like social skills and cues ive always been called dumb or slow and when i was in a not so good relationship thing w someone he would degrade me and tell me i wouldnt ever make it without him and im afraid thats true

i just dk what to do

anyway im srry if i broke a boundary or if im not allowed on ur page cause of my age and for the vent and talking a lot

let me know and i’ll get off

You will never have to apologize for venting, and my page is open to everyone who isn't on my DNI, so you're okay 💛

I can imagine you feel very isolated, and my heart goes out to you. You are in no way unlikable, nor are you unlovable. Being different does not make you bad. Making connections can be especially difficult when we've had bad experiences in the past. Sometimes we just have to find our people, which is much easier said than done.

Do you have access to a therapist? Or a counselor? I would love to give you advice, but I worry an internet blog won't be able to accurately help you over a long period of time :(

Either way, I'm sending you so much strength. Things will get better, and I know that seems impossible right now, but you have my promise 💛

[iantojack]

🐸🌈🌸 lessons learned in 2022 🌸🌈🐸

- people are shit and people are liars and no matter how honest and kind and good to people you are it wont stop them treating you badly ☺️☺️

- i may be a bit ugly but the main thing people arent attracted to is my personality :/ tragic :/

- people dont wanna have sex with me, even if they like me as a person or even love me. love? ok. sex? would prefer not to. once again, think my personality is the problem, very unsexy 💀 by people i actually mean women, im sure men aint that picky but no matter how desperate i am im not that desperate

- that i actually like myself. yeah i am unsexy ok. but i am a bit weird and funny sometimes and im a bit gullible and clumsy and awkward and im not very good socially at all. yeah i take like three years to warm up to people and show my personality but that just means people earn it!! but yeah i cant explain it but the older i get the more i appreciate myself. i just got a vibe and its cool. id love me if i wasnt me u know

- i definitely have depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. i learned i DO have panic attacks, through lots of experience :) also found some stuff i wrote at the age of 13 thats led me to believe i definitely was missed for an autism diagnosis…….

- my greatest and only sanity are my couple of friends. always appreciate them 🤎 they have better friends than me so i know im not a priority for them but they r all i have and they r nice to me so 🤎

- that it takes me longer to get over someone than i actually knew them.. 🫣💀 embarassing

- depression. the main 2022 emotion

- that depression means i read a lot 📚 this is a positive of depression. i checked my goodreads data and it was a positive linear relationship between how depressed i was and the number of books read

- that right now im not too depressed! which is why there is a limited amount of positivity in this post. fuck my depressed self, im not as bad as u think i am

[ironmanstan]

Wait.. so practising facial expressions in the mirror and mimicking unfamiliar facial expressions and vocalisations of characters in the book you're reading is not neurotypical? o_o

Also hi Rohan hope you're doing well and congrats on also being on holiday now! Me too :]

Sorry for dragging you into my brain's 'am I neurodivergent or am I just overdramatic and taking a psychology course' dilemma I jusg

The more I think about things the more I'm like maybe that isn't to nt of me..

PS interwebs hugging you (if you want it) :)

PPS I am gently handing you a gulper eel. They are my everything I am obsessed I was raised on commotion in the ocean, octonauts and David Attenboroughs blue planet specifically episode 2 (the deep) fofkdnsnd

(also sorry my asks are always like this?? Idk why they just are?)

It could be!! I think the biggest problem honestly w people saying "x trait is an autistic thing" (esp on places like tiktok lol) is it does end up lacking major personal context. I think if you go through analyzing the 'why' behind you do something and come out of it realizing that you do x thing for reasons that may source from autism,,, it very well could be an autistic trait. It's not always very simple in a "this is an autism/nd thing" bc for example some nt people do things nd people do and some people with other disorders do the same things as autistic people! Pica for example (disorder where you eat or feel the urge to chew/eat non food things) cannot be comorbid diagnosed with ocd OR autism as both disorders can cause symptoms of it but for very different reasons! bc with autism people seek out chewing or eating non food things commonly for sensory seeking reasons/chew/food stims, and with ocd people may chew or eat things either as a compulsion or a sort of nervous tic/anxiety soothing stim type thing. Another example is people with adhd may have social difficulties, not because they don't understand social cues inherently, but because they lose focus when talking so much or talk endlessly without realizing, to the point they end up overwriting any social skills they may know, or they stunt their social development and thus ALSO have a lack of understanding of socialization and social cues bc of their disorder sabotaging their attempts to communicate.

For your question specifically, a lot of autistic people end up practicing unfamililar expressions/phrases/tones of voice as a way to practice what doesn't come naturally to us and/or try incorporating more diversity into our social masks. (I especially started doing this when I went to therapy and my terrible therapist basically encouraged me to mask more and try to seem "normaler" because I was so unsuccessful socially). Some people also may repeat phrases they read about or see due to things like echolalia or vocal stimming! And some people just do things like this bc a phrase might sound silly or just sound nice or seem interesting, or a characters voice might be fun to speculate on. It's really up to why You specifically find yourself doing it!

Ty btw hope ur doing well too !!! Im vibing im pogging . I am so busy but its working out so 🕺✌🏾 fuck it we ball

(Ps, hug accepted hehe, i return it to u <2)

(Pps, THANK YOU FOR THE EEL,, I WAS ALSO RAISED ON DAVID ATTENBOROUGHS BLUE PANET TRULY A MEDIA CORE TO MY EXISTENCE)

[tired-inyxe]

WHATS UP FUCKS - AKA My Ultimate Masterpost

Hi! I realized I never really introduced myself. My name is Inyxe (i-n-y-x-e, pronounced like Lynx but with an i (accidentally swapped the y and n once and didn't notice until it was too late)), but you can also call me Jay! I'm a proud anarchist and punk, swear like a sailor and love sharing my opinions well knowing I won't be hunted down with pitchforks and torches (I mean I could still be here but it's not as likely as, let's say, twitter). I've only been here for a couple of years but this is basically my first social media platform (Amino doesn't count). I also was put through the shredder when I was created and have a slew of issues, both mental and physical, so you will be subjected to the whims of my brainworms. It/they/fae pronouns. I have no sidebloggs so you get a smattering of my thoughts, have fun~ Feel free to dm or ask me anything! I may be so so tired but I like human interaction as long as I don't initiate it. Expect me to talk about prehistoric animals tho This will most likely be edited later, but that's future me's problem All of my tag masterlists! I have a lotta custom tags, like a LOT, so if u see weird ass tags on me post it's probably related to these (also useful for digging thru my stuff!)

General -my basic bitch tags, tag is #wing anatomy (subject to change)

Writing/Character Work -my creative writing/character work tags, tag is #worm anatomy Art -my art tags, tag is #cake anatomy Batfam/Dc -my batfam/dc tags, tag is #bat anatomy TMNT -my TMNT tags, tag is #shell anatomy more will be added later, i do more stuff than these after all, like dinosaurs! (fossil anatomy) My most important tags (on here and in the masterlist they best fit)

#bird anatomy -this masterpost! so its easy to find if i mention it in a different post

#og munchies -original posts

#eagle screech -announcements relating to me #red velvet cookie -my favorite things I've made/stuff im really proud of! I make a killer red velvet cookie batch fyi

#homemade food -My art! Get it well its hot #worm sculptures -my ocs! Also known as the worms that haunt nobodies head but mine (might introduce em soon ooooo) #rebloop -reblog

Extra info under the cut! has discussion of my mental/physical disorders so if u dont like that feel free to skip dw (I love to overexplain the stuff under here isn't important)

Stuff I have (been diagnosed for all of these, but that doesn't rly matter, just saying that because I don't want to deal w self diagnosis discourse atm): Autism, Adhd, Depression, Anxiety, Gender Dysphoria and Insomnia Stuff I suspect (talkin w me doctor abt it maybe): Tachycardia, depersonalization/derealization disorder, chronic fatigue, possibly a lung condition (not asthma but my lungs are fucked), iron deficiency anemia, some other vitamin/mineral deficiencies most likely, panic disorder, OCD, uhhhh idk ill add more later? maybe. its 1am my brain slidey yeah m doing this when m more awake gah

[americasmarauders]

umm, hello guys, long time no see.

If it feels like I've been at best absent from here and at worst straight up gone, it's because I've pretty much been those things. I'd like to throw a ready excuse and say 'school's hard, I haven'ts had the time' but althought that's also true, a lot more has happened to me other than just that.

Well, to say it shortly, fandom life has felt like it has run its course for me. I have lost contact with everything that made it feel like a safe community for me. And that comes from several reasons.

Beggining last year, around february, I kinda had a rough patch. I'm sure if you absentmindely followed my #luiza talks posts you'd see that I was kinda (?) involved with a guy that was very much NOT the person for me. He pushed me to do uncomfortable things, say uncomfortable things, and told me very untrue perceptions about myself that wrcked my self-esteem and peace of mind for basically 6 months (which may seem like a short time in the grand scale of things, but while I was going through it, it was the most terrible time of my life, and my life has not been easy). We were never official, and while I can recognize that he may have helped me in some aspects, he definitely destroyed others.

During that same time last year, I was going back for my first in person semester at my uni since 2019. The pandemic was a hard time, but going back to uni after spending 2 years studying at home was much harder than anticipated. I'm an applied physics major, the sciences are usually fields where big egos come to play. I didn't have any luck and I got 2 of the biggest and most assholish egos to teach me for that first semester. I wasn't nowhere near ready for that reality, and I found myself going down a rabbit hole of so much anxiety, there were days I couldn't step foot in the classroom without feeling like the walls were closing in on me. It was bad. JUst straight up bad.

All in all not a good time.

I was feeling disconnected from everything. I burried myself in the only thing that brought me some modicum joy which was, surprinsingly, VALORANT. I felt alone, truly and deeply alone. While that was not a novelty for me, it was so intense, and I felt like no one would truly understand what I was going through. I didn't know how to talk to my friends about it without sounding like I was just some complaining baby, I didn't know how not to find fault at behaviors that I didn't agree with, I didn't know how to deal with anything that wasn't what I thought was right and comfortable for me.

After a particularly bad night (that I woke up crying and didn't stop until my mom urst into my room and took me to her bed to help me calm me down), I went to see a psychiatrist. I got lucky that the first doctor I went to see was the one who truly understood what was going on. She medicated me, and slowly my anxiety subsided. I can say today I'm like 1000000% better. I haven't had an anxiety attack in months. Who would have thought that drugs would be the answer?

The doctor also said: "You know, you say you can't pay attention properly in class, you have rituals and such. I need you to do some neuropsychological tests, okay? Because you could have, adhd, ocd or aed." (AED: autism spectrum disorder).

Hearing from the doctor that I might fit in one of those boxes was a mix of relief and fear. I didn't want to be labeled sick or disordered. But at the same time, if I was, things would make so much more sense. Cut to me spending from september to january going to see 2 psychologists and doing endless of tests, talking about my past, and apologizing everytime I didn't have a witness to corrobate something that I said. My parents didn't stop me from doing the tests, but they didn't exactly agree that something might be wrong with me. For them, every behavior I had displayed since I was a tiny baby was normal. I don't know how many times I said to the therapist "No I don't have any close friends from childhood who can help you understand this about me." "No, I don't have any close relatives that can help you get to know how I was as a kid. They're both dead." "No, I don't think my friends would know how to answer these questions, I'm sorry."

I finally got the diagnosis in february, a year after this whole circus started. I'm autistic. If I had been diagnosed like 15 years earlier, they would have said I have Asperger's Syndrome. Today, I can say I'm just autistic. It made so much sense. The tantrums I threw when something didn't go my way. The tics that I have when I'm nervous. Why I can't make friend easily, and why I just need to sit in the same spot everytime, I just need to. But mostly, why I couldn't be like everyone else.

It lifted a huge guilt that I carried around for not being like others. For not being able to stand loud noises, and strange smells. For not dancing at parties, and not kissing drunken strangers. For felling so little in those places, and leaving so exhausted I just couldn't speak the next day.

But at the same time, it was so cruel to see all that I have been through, because I was autistic. All the bullying, and name calling. Feeling isolated and being mocked because I was sensitive and cried when I didn't get the grade I worked for or for not being heard. All the times I wished someone looked at me and saw more than those things, but they just couldn't. Because they didn't understand and they never would. They'd never respect me, and my boundaries, my quirks and needs.

I'm lucky enough to have my parents, that respect me and feel like everything I do is normal (thank god). I'm so lucky to be with a person that loves me so much, and respects my boundaries, and waits for me, because he knows my time is slower than everyone else's.

And although I still fell isolated, specially know that I've been going through sort of a friend group transition, is so much easier. At least I have these 3 people that get me. Even if I wished I had more, I have them.

Anyway, that's all that has been going on. I'm sorry I kinda abandoned this place. I miss it sometimes, truly. I still lurk around here, but I don't feel like being so active in fandom is in my future anymore. Who knows, maybe another catastrophe will happen and I may come back, but for now this is (sort of) a goodbye from my fandom days.

I hope this finds you well and safe,

Luíza (04/22/2023)

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

YOU!! YOU GET IT!!!!! i liken the aspd obsession with dopamine to addiction, and it honestly oftentimes leads to more conventional addictions. (substance abuse is VERY common in pwASPD)

also b4 i Rant: i am 100% certain that the reason aspd izaya isnt talked about much is because fucking NOBODY knows what its like to have aspd. all the literature on it sucks and the stuff that doesnt suck either a) barely scratches the surface or b) is a full-on academic study that a layperson might not be able to FIND, let alone read and interpert. its ONLY people w aspd actually talling at length about what its like to have this disorder, and even then its hard to find them!! blogs become defunct, people delete, and honestly some people with aspd are mean as fuck and constantly put down other people w aspd that dont fit THEIR narrow idea of what aspd Should Be like, which.... their ideas on what aspd Should Be like end up reinforcing stereotypes. so!

so the information is really hard to find so all the fandom talks about is "is izaya a psychopath? (read: evil iredeemable nonperson) here's why he ISNT!!! (because i love him and empathize with him)" or "izaya (my blorbo whom i love and who needs to be redeemable in some way) was charmed by shinra, a sociopath (read: evil iredeemable nonperson) (because they NEED izaya to have been ALTERED in some way, to have been coerced down this path by A Sociopath, because izaya Isn't A Sociopath)"

(yes i am still fucking mad about that. but what can i expect from someone who still bases their identity off the terf book series)

anyway yeah. also u CAN have autism and aspd if thats a headcanon u still want! i for one have autism adhd AND aspd... da triple threat. so it Can happen!

BUT. THE SUBSTANCE ABUSE. which, yeah substance abuse issues are one of the top 3 comorbidities for aspd (the other 2 being anxiety disorders and depressive disorders) yes this has to do with izaya just trust me mkay

so like. yall might have gleamed that i have a BIT of a weed problem from my highposting... and the fact that i stopped tagging it so yall wouldnt know how often i got high 😳 but now its mundane for me so i want to try harder drugs... which is dangerous for me because theyll either interact badly with my meds or i'll skip a dose. which. one of my meds is a heart medication for my Very Painful Arrythmia. i should not be skipping that. in fact i need more of it honestly. this is dangerous!!

i liken izaya's job to my drug problems. i chose to do drugs and i choose to continue doing drugs, its not an urge i'm fighting against. i do it, and i like doing it. HOWEVER, if i were to one day decide to stop doing drugs, it would be nigh impossible. i know this because i didn't do any substances for two weeks once, and it was only possible because i knew i'd get to do them again soon.

i think that's how izaya is with his work. he likes it and continues to do it, but if he ever wanted to stop, he would be unable to.

a nausea-inducing mix of choice, and the terrifying and utter lack of it.

i'm on my aspd izaya bullshit again but like. thru this lens, isnt his arc a perfect encapsulation on how aspd negatively affects the person that has it? even to this day, many professionals do not believe that pwASPD suffer from aspd. like at all. to the point where aspd was specifically listed as an outlier to the "patient distress is what defines a disorder" rule in an abnormal psych textbook

(see why i don't respect the field?)

but... he does suffer! a lot! like- remember his speech to mikado at the end of the first arc? how you need to keep evolving, keep changing in order to escape the mundane? how you have to keep going and going and going, wether it be aiming high or low?

yeah. normal people don't need to do this, izaya. you are a broken person.

but why SHOULD he be content with the mundane? the things people usually have that make them content with daily life- friends, family, a purpose, a distinct lack of extreme chronic boredom that drives you to do completely insane shit- izaya doesn't HAVE any of that!

"wait, chronic boredom?" i hear yall thinking. maybe. "isnt that an adhd thing?"

more than one disorder can have the same symptom. theres like a billion that have "want to die" as a symptom. but i dont really blame you for not knowing, its not talked about much

studies have shown that aspd and adhd are both problems with the dopamine receptors in the brain. more specifically, adhd is a chronic deficiency of dopamine, whereas with aspd, when you DO get dopamine, your brain gives you quardruple the normal amount.

studies have ALSO shown there to be a sort of... adhd to aspd pipeline. the story goes like this: you have a kid with adhd. maybe they're born like that, maybe the symptoms developed from trauma (which can happen? apparently??) anyway. kid gets abused. kid develops conduct disorder as a result of that abuse, as a natural extension of the existing adhd symptoms. they're MORE impulsive, which leads to them hurting others- and if it sets off the dopamine receptors, an abused kid starving for happiness and power is gonna chase it, no matter what. theyre like, six, they dont know anything about like. morality. all they know is, theyre sad and this makes them happy. anyway kid never gets treated, abuse continues to exasperate the symptoms, and now you have an adult with aspd, AND the original adhd diagnosis! and ptsd, which is HIGHLY comorbid with aspd! and probably another personality disorder, because you're actually statistically more likely to have two of them!

anyway! that's ONE of the ways aspd can develop from trauma, which it is Known To Do.

does any of that sound pleasant to go through? at all?

let me ask you a question:

imagine you aren't getting dopamine. maybe it's your adhd. maybe you're depressed. either way, you try to get it any way you can. wether it's throwing yourself into a hobby or a job, so the sense of satisfaction gives you dopamine, or something like drugs or gambling.

now, imagine that "rush" you felt. was Four Times Stronger.

wouldnt that compel you to do increasingly dangerous and risky shit, just to feel okay? imagine if you had no friends. imagine if this was your only way to be happy. wouldnt you, eventually, stop caring about others and only care about yourself? after all, other people have thinga like friends and a family that you don't have. they have a fallback. you only have this.

and you might say, "i'd never do that!" but every addict says that, and most eventually cross that line out of sheer desperation. and this? effectively makes you into a dopamine addict. which is dangerous! you can't just STOP... gettng dopamine....! it's necessary! but you have no help so you keep doing what youre doing. (and how could you get help? its baked into the system that people like you don't suffer. why try if youll just get burned?

anyway, back to izaya.

he's lonely. he has one friend and he sucks. he feels compelled to do these things even though he KNOWS it'll hurt him.

i stole this screenshot from some1 who insulted my friend once for something stupid <3 die

but it illustrates my point very well! does it look like he has much control over things?? he sure like to ACT like he does, but at the end of the day, he doesn't, really. he ends up spiraling more and more, doing increasingly risky and rash things, just to get his end goal... which is to die and ascend to the afterlife. a lofty goal.

aiming high, isn't he? a final, spectacular evolution.

or, it should have been.

but it wasn't.

izaya's impulses and deep desire to continue becoming more and more drastic, coupled with his lack of personal ties to anyone that could keep him from doing so....

it didn't make him ascend. it left him in a wheelchair, with chronic pain that will last his whole life.

THAT is where mental illness takes you. it doesn't make you a hollywood psychopath, reveling in the destruction you chose, of your own free will, wholly and truly, to cause. it makes you want More. no matter what, you need More. you see people content with lives worse than yours, everyone bound together with some sort of invisible thread, some sort of tie that keeps them together. a thread that missed you. your brain refuses to see people as people, thus you remain lonely forever, unsatiafied wirh company other than the superficial, because it's fun. that's all you're allowed to care about. an endless cycle of bigger and bigger actions, impulses slowly getting worse--

--and the worst part is, it tricks you into believing you ever had a choice. it tricks everyone into believing you had a choice. your suffering is worse than disregarded, to all the people you look at from your apartment, all the people you wish you could have been like.

it's nonexistant.

[martyrbat]

martyrtodd, my beloved, I see your disability takes and as someone who is physically and mentally disabled I appreciate them and hold them close to my heart.

I humbly ask for some disabled Jason headcanons

goosey my beloved <3 im so glad you're enjoying them and i offer mere samples on how far deep the disabled jason todd rabbit hole can go <3

im mixing in some that he should just canonly have and personal hcs (plus a bit of self projection) but hopefully you'll like any of these too :3

schizoaffective disorder

more prone to mania outbursts

can be extremely delusional

paranoia and anxiety -> isolating

psychosis

(lots of people give him hallucinations due to his ptsd but i think he experiences a range of it and in different levels of intrusiveness!)

(and fun fact, children under 16 who experienced trauma are more than 3x likely to have psychosis as an adult! up to 50x if its severe!)

autistic

literally just a given. look at him. autism coded.

deaf/hard of hearing

always had poor hearing

fast visual learner because of it

has multiple pairs of hearing aids he wore as robin to "keep his identity secret"

bruce taught him asl

batman and robin used a lot of nonverbal cues and their own version of sign language on patrol too. (batman teaches it to the others when hes gone and jason cries)

as a kid he had a gun shot near him & developed tinnitus

^ only worsened as time went on

it gets overbearing after he comes back to life due to the beating he received and literally dying in an explosion

it continued until he got Lazarus Pitted. but that ringing was replaced with silence & most of his hearing fully gone

gains more due to close proximity with firearms and explosions constantly

terrifies him as his hearing loss got worse.

like full on sobbing terrifies.

he spent his entire life relying on his senses and wayne techs always improving technology to keep himself and others safe. with that fully removed it leaves him feeling vulnerable

'how will i know if im alone? if someone is sneaking up on me or im being too loud? if someone is screaning for help just out of eyesight?'

so much fear !

but! he grows to accept it and use it to his advantage and

helmet rigged to have sensors that alert him of almost anything around him

and so sensitive to the vibration of any sound to where he can pinpoint anyone

will close his eyes/remove his hearing aids when arguing so he doesnt 'hear' them

really into heavier music for the bass and drum vibration

fully deaf by the time he reaches his 30s

speech

(this one can be effected by all but)

severe speech delay as a child

repeated lines/quotes mostly to express his feelings because he's autistic and its easier than coming up with the words yourself

semi nonverbal

damaged vocal cords, gets hoarsed easily/painful to talk for too long

stims by clicking his tongue against his teeth

^^ became a tic !

chronic pain

a given for anyone but especially jason

from the streets and not being able to afford a doctor

to as robin and the injuries he received

to dying

to being forcefully brought back to life

to the Lazarus Pit

just so much pain. he cant remember a time he wasnt in pain. its the one thing that'll always be consistent no matter what.

chronic migraine haver, u can tell

talia tries her best to help ease it and make sure he has meds/the fake id and doctor to keep his prescriptions

his shoulder, head, and hips get the worse flares

would push himself as robin too much and made it worse

allows his body the rest as an adult, using that time to do his scheming and think of every detail/possible route in it

misc.

had NAS

picks at his skin if overstressed

being poor can and will make your health worse. from stress to not being able to get the help you need and something small becoming chronic or permanent

extreme fatigue

so many burns and damaged nerve tissue :(

i think about that one batwoman comic where he lost an eye in a future timeline constantly

OCD

periodically gets bad tremors in his hands

again. so fucking autistic coded.