#do we live in the same reality

[bluastro-yellow]

does it ever hit you that people live in completely different worlds. people perceive and elaborate the world in completely different ways, influenced by their past experiences and the social bubbles they're in. these bubbles rarely touch you're barely aware they exist until you discuss something with someone and it's as if you're in two parallel universes. I don't know how to elaborate

[uncanny-tranny]

Shoutout to all the other adults who have acne or any other condition of the skin that you are expected to outgrow or "just deal with."

Adulthood isn't this magical time where everything just disappears, and the reality is that these skin conditions are largely genetic. It isn't your fault (nor your skin's fault) that you are an adult with different skin than other people. In fact, it's neutral (and even, dare I say, good!).

[natandacat]

Theres no words that can describe the complete alienation of having severe long covid. One infection, caused directly by political decisions to remove public measures, and i cant walk. Can't stand except on really good days which are getting rarer. Sitting is a privilege i dont always have. Cognitive work is too much of a risk to consider for the moment. I live in constant fear of going back to being utterly bed ridden in the sense that i cant even feed myself, drink water, speak, move my limbs beyong my fingers and toes. For days and days without relief.

Nothing feels real. Every gain can be lost in a literal second. And on top of this, the fear of reinfection. The very real possibility of death, given how weak a single infection has made me when I was healthy and young. The even more real possibility of a worsened state, where there are no good days. That means death, too. If i am constantly in a state where I cannot move, i am going to have to resort to euthanasia because it is not a bearable existence. I can barely tolerate it when it know it will end. Last time was 14 days and I am still so traumatized by it 2 months later nothing feels real.

And on top of that, i am being told that my life doesnt matter. Covid is not a real concern. Let it fester. Even if the stairs in my building didnt lock me in, all public spaces have become lethal to me. I cant see my friends because they cant avoid exposure when theres a wave. To love me, you must live in a horrific world where no matter how many precautions you take, no matter how much they ostracize you, you might still cause my death.

Covid is a privileged issue they say. Im not even in the room for it bc i cannot be in the room. You can move your body, youre not afraid of death, you havent lost everything that makes you *you*, but im the privileged one. I cant even emote the way i used to. If i get too excited, too happy, i cant move. I talked to countless people who cant work anymore, are losing their jobs their houses their partners their immigration permits but no. Covid doesnt matter. I dont matter. Everyone cheered when i got covid bc they got to party for new years eve. I hope it was a good party. I will never agree that it was worth my life.

For the past 2 years ive had to share classrooms with students and professors who know everything about my story, who have seen how disabled i am by long covid, who ive begged to mask. They all refuse to mask. And i have to sit there and pretend its not a cosmical level farce that theyre talking about social justice and ethics and just what good people they all are. Not to mention that most of them have revealed themselves to be zionists. I have to sit next to an iof soldier and act as if its ok that she gets to sit in this classroom, except im not even sitting in the room because cases are too high and im too weak to be there physically anyway, so im on zoom. At least i get to remove my earbuds when she speaks so i dont have to think about the atrocities she has committed.

[starleska]

12 months. 46 crushes. 0 moments of sanity.

welcome to Starleska's F/O Round-Up 2024!! 🥳🥳

what you see above is a chart of every single fictional character crush i had in 2024: whether they lasted a single day, or are still plaguing my thoughts now 🙈💖 gosh, it's been a busy year!! if you look closely, you can see the exact moments i lost my mind in-between fixations 😳 the full list of characters is below!! feel free to ask about any of them, because they're all very dear to my heart 🥰

Maxime Le Mal (Despicable Me 4)

King Magnifico (Wish)

Alan Partridge (Various)

Adam (Hazbin Hotel)

Kinito (KinitoPET)

The Sixth Doctor (Doctor Who)

Lord Royal Highness (Spongebob Squarepants)

Velvette (Hazbin Hotel)

Dr Reflex (Baldi's Basics in Education and Learning)

Maestro (Doctor Who)

Boycie (Only Fools and Horses)

Max Jägerman (Nerdy Prudes Must Die)

Wiggog Y'Rath (Hatchetverse)

Siegfried von Schroeder (Yu-Gi-Oh!)

Elliott (Stardew Valley)

Nordic Bunny (Shred Force)

Mr Puzzles (SMG4)

The Love Glove (Doom Patrol)

Pegasus (Yu-Gi-Oh!)

Master Shake (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

Frylock (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

Piers (Pokémon)

Archie the Inventor (Balamory)

Periwinkle 'Peri' Fairywinkle-Cosma (Fairly Oddparents: A New Wish)

Ramón Salazar (Resident Evil 4)

Zapp Brannigan (Futurama)

Deadpool (Marvel)

Badman (Super Richie)

Captain James T. Kirk (Star Trek)

Han Solo (Star Wars)

Zanzo (Hi-Fi Rush)

Dionysus (Hades)

Gambit (Marvel)

Emberlynn Pinkle (Helluva Boss)

Victor Quartermaine (Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit)

Adrian Monk (Monk)

Beetlejuice (Beetlejuice)

Castor/Zuse (Tron: Legacy)

Sensei La Dew (ItsLorlo Sketches)

'Real' Frankie (Finding Frankie)

Rolando (Helluva Boss)

Vic Diamond (Thelma the Unicorn)

Jack Frost (The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause)

Gustafson (Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey)

Inspekta (Great God Grove)

Superman/Clark Kent/Kal-El (DC Comics)

[envolvenuances]

lesbian masterdoc and the unforgivable damage of making people hear compulsory heterosexuality and think of "can lesbians have crushes on men?" (no) instead of "are heterosexual women settling in unhappy marriages with men bellow their worth because of economic and social pressure?" (yes)

[dykedvonte]

I beg people in the MW to think very carefully when they talk about mental illness and physical disability cause it’s not as straight forward and easy to diagnose/depict as you think…

[lliquidllyrium]

Brainstorming a post canon story where Lucanis is adjusting to life as the first Talon under Caterina’s watchful eye and juggling that with his and Rook’s relationship. Thinking Caterina will be a hardass as usual and criticizing most things Rook does (works with a De Riva but might be even more fitting with a Rook unfamiliar with the politics of the Crows) while Rook is trying Very Hard to earn her approval for Lu’s sake because despite his tense relationship with his grandmother she is important to him.

Culminates in Caterina speaking with Rook alone one night and out of nowhere Caterina swipes their cheek with her cane, leaving a very precise but shallow cut. She tells Rook that had it been an attack from an assassin truly meaning to take their life they would already be dead, and that being the lover of the First Talon requires someone vigilant and able to care for themselves.

Lu returns to their room that night (stressed as he normally is these days) and Rook tries to keep that side of their face angled away from him but Spite catches the scent of dried blood and tips him off. He’s worried and furious of course, but Rook is reluctant to tell him who did it and when they finally do Lu goes to storm out and confront Caterina. Rook stops him and asks if it’s him or Spite and Lu is a little taken aback and hurt that Rook assumes that because it is Caterina who did this he would somehow be less willing to react. He swears that Rook is family, and if Illario is not exempt from consequences for harming family Caterina is at least going to get an earful. Rook apologizes for assuming he wouldn’t stand up for them against his grandmother, and for treating Spite as a rabid animal with no self control. Cue sweet moment with hugs from both arms and wings.

Lu takes a moment to clean the wound up gently, also collecting his thoughts and calming himself down. Rook realizes somewhere in the middle of this that the clever old hag had meant for this all along. Harm Rook superficially after weeks of building tension -> get Lucanis mad enough to confront her in a blind rage -> pontificate on lessons about allowing judgment to be blinded when it comes to Rook. It was a test to see if he would charge in blindly to defend their honor or if he would take a moment to think and plan. He had almost failed, and would have if not for Rook.

He isn’t thrilled that it makes some sort of sense, but she is a 70-something year old assassin who was First Talon until recently so she obviously knows her shit. He approaches her later and insists that both he and Rook had heard her loud and clear, but any further lessons or advice for him will be delivered via verbal communication and counsel. Caterina agrees, looking as proud as a stoic old bat can. She may not be happy with the tone that he takes but something can be said about the fact that he is willing to take it with her after all this time.

She explains that it is crucial that if he as First Talon is to take a lover he must accept that he will not always be able to protect them from the dangers this life entails. They must be able to defend themselves against all threats, but even more important is that if something should happen to them, Lucanis will keep a level head. His enemies will expect him to be blinded by grief and rage, sloppy and prone to leaving himself unguarded. A true First Talon will keep his head about him and make his enemies suffer. A true First Talon will honor a loved one’s memory with the blood of their enemies, not by falling on a sword in their name.

[ironworked]

Eddie's journey

Eddie is the 10 year old whose father told him he needed to be the man of the house. He's the teenager whose girlfriend got pregnant and who felt pressured to marry partly because of the Church. He's a Mexican-American man, and culturally/lapsed Catholic. He's the young man who enlisted to provide for his family, even though he never wanted to be like his father. He's the husband who thinks they could've done better, who feels guilt for his wife leaving. He's the man who proposed again but got asked for a divorce, and who feels he wasn't enough. He's the widower who didn't get to fix things with his wife, whom he still thinks of as 'the love of [his] life'. He's the man who thinks he needs to be in control, who doesn't want to appear weak, who 'doesn't panic'. He's the son who's recently been patching things up with his father. He's the father who's recently let his kid down and misses him terribly.

Non-exhaustive list of quotes pulled from the show, with links to videos when youtube allows (full 'playlist'), arranged by broad themes:

MASCULINITY

It's under control. Don't worry. S: Every time we talk about money, you tell me not to worry. Guess what, I worry. (2.15) / Bobby: I just wanna make sure you don't think you have to lose everything before you can allow yourself to feel anything. E: No, Christopher needs me to be in control. [...] I wasn't there when he was a baby. Stayed away too long, and it broke his mother. Shannon ran away, and I couldn't stop her. I couldn't bring her back home. (3.08) / S: We'll just sell the house and the cars and I'll go back to work. Maybe only part-time but - E: No, no. Christopher is the priority right now. You should stay home with him. [...] I'm trying to provide for this family. That's the reason I enlisted in the first place. S: I don't need a provider. I need a partner. (3.15) / I don't remember you being around much when I was his age. Ramón: I was working. E: So was I. / Frank: You're a man who spends all of his time managing other people's pain [...] but not a lot of time facing your own. Can't put all your feelings in a box, Eddie. You might think if you're strong enough that it'll hold. But at some point, that box is gonna blow open. E: And take me with it. F: You and anyone else around you. (5.13) / [R] spent his whole life driving across the state. Living everywhere but under his own roof with his own family. ... Oh, uh, why don't you tell them about the time you pulled your ten-year-old son aside and told him it was time to step up? Be the man of the house? [...] R: I was providing for the family. E: Providing? Providing what money? - Okay R: Exactly. I had to do what I had to do. E: A family needs more than money. (6.17)

RELIGION

Turns out, I'm a Manchurian Catholic. I've just got a reservoir of Catholic guilt just lying dormant, waiting to be activated [...] What, you think I should go to confession? You think a priest is going to make me feel better about all this? [...] Bobby: Lapsed Catholic, still a Catholic. [...] That was a lot of the reason why we got married. The Church. She got pregnant and I think we both felt pressured into it. But I never regretted it, and even when things got really bad, there was always a part of me that I loved being married to her. (7.05) / Bobby: Eddie, I was going through some things, and I found this [prayer book]. Made me think of you. Just hang onto it, It might come in handy.

SHANNON

He loves having you around.[...] We both do. [...] I want this. Want to have a nice day on the beach with my son and his mother. ... Bobby: Were you ready the first time? Eddie: No. I knew I loved her, but I didn't think I was ready to get married. [...] I guess the question is, can I be a good husband? ... I knew Christopher missed you, but I I don't think I realized just how much I did, too. [...] We could have done better, we could have tried, I want us to be a family again. (2.17) / I loved your mom and I miss her, probably always will. (3.04) / I'm angry at a dead person and at myself because I forgave her for everything, and and it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. (3.08) / I just want what I had when I met Shannon. It just happened. It was magic. Hen: Oh, so you believe in magic. E: I believe in chemistry. ... Bobby: Eddie, I know how hard this is. One thing you can't do is compare what you had with what you think you're gonna have. You just have to be open to whatever comes. (6.17)

(7.09 deleted scene)

CHRISTOPHER

E: Christopher. Is this Mom? Hey. Is that who you've been dreaming about? (3.04) / I wish I could forget. People go away. Not just Mom. Abuelita, Carla, my friends. They leave and then I miss them. I don't want to miss anyone else. (4.08) / Ravi: You must be Eddie's wife? C: Not yet. (5.02) / They just end up leaving anyway. Buck: Uh, why would you say that? C: My mom did. B: Uh, Chris, your mom died. C: Before that. She left us. We loved her, and she left anyway. I can't remember her voice anymore. (7.01)

(5.03) (6.18)

Dad, do you think she can hear us when we talk to her? E: Absolutely. That's why we come here. C: I wish I could hear her talk back. E: Me, too, bud. Me, too. ...

I'm sorry. I was thinking maybe we could watch it together in El Paso next weekend. I know. Yeah, I know. I know, it's last-minute, but I miss you guys, and I know Christopher does, too. Exactly. Why wait? Well, there's no better time than now. (6.15) / Chris, he's excited to see everyone, he misses them. (5.17)

I tried to talk about it with him and he ignored me the whole drive back. R: That part, that part sounds like us. The old Díaz family cold shoulder. Your Abuela originated it, but as I recall, you perfected it. [...] You had to grow up a lot faster than you should have. But that doesn't mean you can keep Christopher a kid forever. (6.04)

It just pisses me off. I mean, here's a kid who actually wants his dad in his life, and he doesn't even bother to show up? I miss him so much, Cap. I'm trying to respect his wishes, but we zoom a couple times a week, barely says a word to me. ... Sometimes a son just needs his father. Hell, a father needs his son. I speak from experience. ... But you're missing out on watching him grow up, on who he's becoming. ... I'm a dad who doesn't live under the same roof as his son. And it's my fault. And I hate it. (8.04) / Christopher doesn't want anything to do with Halloween, turns out. [...] Not like I was gonna be able to do it with him anyway. I just wish I knew last year was his last. (8.05)

That's the path behind him, so I don't think it's outrageous to expect that his future storyline(s) at least in short and mid term will involve unpacking at least some of that as well as whatever moves/decisions made to actively heal his relationship with Christopher and get him back.

Also, this is why Christopher felt the need for some space; it's not out of nowhere, and he isn't throwing a tantrum.

Some interesting posts: Eddie Díaz's tragic timeline; 2.17 vs 8.05 comparison gifset; about Ryan Guzmán's references in interviews (x, x, x); about Eddie's background/potential SLs based on it (x, x).

[softshuji]

yk people talk about how you can't heal in the same place you got hurt in and I believe that entirely. Because truth is, no matter how much internal healing I do, no matter how much I try to change my perspectives or do journaling or work or spend time with friends or do cute hobbies, all the time I have to come back to this house, and yknow something funny? this house is exactly where all the bad things happened in the first place. this house is where everything that still bothers me to this day happened so every day i am always aware that i'm coming back here, and not a single day goes by that I don't think about how much I hate this house. the four walls, the too small rooms, the issues with its structure, the fact that my dad has never fixed it up so me and my siblings are all crammed into this tiny box house like canary birds - the fact tbat my dad throws this same house at us every time we argue because he knows we have nowhere else to go. we have no family, no cousins no relatives and no money, and I don't earn enough to be able to move out just yet, least of all without my siblings. so no you cannot heal in the same place you got hurt, and while i'm living here i'm never going to heal either but where else can I go?

[softestepilogue]

full offense but fandoms are unbearable because y’all are unlikable. y’all are so weird and i will die on that hill.

this is like the third time i’ve been in a fandom where a white male SIDE character is heavily favored by the fandom and they start jumping through hoops, and grabbing reasons out their asses, to prove why the main poc character is a terrible person. they will also ignore any wrongdoing of the side white male character.

it’s so fucking weird and exhausting.

[taraxacum-vulpes]

why is everyone pretending like cyberpunk edgerunners is good. the writing is so bad i hate it

[naivety]

my sense of urgency for this election was all used up watching a genocide play out live on instagram while my mom continued to talk about which politician might make the housing market better and i tried not to genuinely lose my mind over the dissonance. in all honesty short of bombs dropping on americans' houses my adrenal glands are beyond checked out. i'll show up to the polls and do my part and try to plug into the bare bones direct action i can find in the middle of nowhere deep red county state but god. there are so many posts circulating trying to fear monger me into voting for one genocidal president of this genocidal nation over another and i may as well live on a different planet. i can fathom the urgency but i could not make myself feel it short of being held at gunpoint. which may even be on the ballot but that's how americans have been voting for decades now and each of them regardless of party has worried about the idea of being held at gunpoint while a right of theirs is taken away while there are people who are already being held at gunpoint and their rights have already been taken away by the very people being beamed into my eyeballs as the escape from this hypothetical violence that's already non-hypothetically happened to millions who aren't US liberals because of the america they're trying to save from trump the same america regardless of democrats or republicans or whigs or federalists and does anyone else feel like they're going crazy

[sunbunnyyy]

i know i just got here, but seeing all of the laughably bad takes from both sides of the spectrum is convincing me that no, i don’t actually need to be on social media again.

[noyasaur]

thinking about writing up a series of posts spewing my most inner thoughts, opinions, theories, and my beliefs on reality shifting hmm... also kinda wanna have a go at making pick-a-piles for shifting but i feel insecure over my divination abilities sooo the solution? time to listen to some subliminals 😍

[fluffle-writes]

I wanna. Pick them up in my mouth and shake 'em around like a dog obliterating a squeaky toy

[oldtvandcomics]

I just wish death wasn't such an absolute taboo in our society.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. But, really? Did she really??

Once upon a time, a passer-by helped Death up when he'd fallen down alongside the road. To thank him, Death promised not to come unannounced, but to send a messenger ahead of him. Death sent illness, and fewer, and old age and grey hairs and aching joints. The man didn't recognize any of these as the promised messenger, and was genuinely shocked when Death showed up at his doorstep.

My grandmother died unexpectedly. She was old, and getting noticeably weaker for years now. The last two weeks, she could barely move her arms for pain in her shoulders. Eventually, she had to call a relative for help, who called a doctor, who called an ambulance to take her to the emergency. The next day, she died of heart failure. Unexpectedly.

She was, by a complete coincidence that we definitely won't need to worry about, almost exactly the same age as her father, when he died of sudden heart failure. Funny thing, these coincidences.

My grandfather also died unexpectedly. He had Parkinson's, and wasn't able to move much those last years. Just before his death, my mother took him to the hospital for a check-up, and left him there, then came back here where we live. According to my sister, she cried when she left my grandparents' city. At that time, we visited three times a year, so she knew perfectly well that she would be back in three months' time. Why would she cry? But no, my grandfather died unexpectedly.

The next one to go will be my aunt. It is pretty clear, has been pretty clear since she was diagnosed with cancer last year. We could, theoretically, like, prepare for it. But no, because you can't talk about death, so we can't even mention it unless I'm alone with my father.

"Thank you for helping me," said Death. "As a thanks, I will not come unannounced, but will send a messenger."

"That is a fine thing," said the man. "That way, I won't have to worry about you hiding behind every tree."

And if I say any of this out loud, then I'm an unforgivable asshole.