#do not perceive me i am fucking deranged
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umemiyan · 1 year ago
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my feelings for megumi are growing quite similar to the feelings i have for anakin skywalker
this is alarming
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bitethedevil · 4 months ago
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What do you like about the character of Raphael ?
A Feral Love Letter to the Devil We Know
Oh boy. Here’s my list of why Raphael is like catnip to me (it’s not short and it is possibly a bit extra deranged because I am currently sick).
Purely physical things that convince me that this man was made for me in a lab:
Brown eyes and dark hair has always been my type
The slight stubble and those cheekbones (generally just his whole facial structure is beautiful)
The fucking n o s e <3 <3
Those thick thighs (perfectly sittable and bitable). He is just perfectly shaped.
Those hands he waves in your face all the time and those long fingers (does things to me)
His clothes. Yes, even in cambion form and even the silly clown boots, I love them. It is just all too extra, and I live for it
Everything about his cambion form
I have this crazy theory. There has been made these studies that depending on hormone levels, women are attracted to different kinds of men. At one end of their cycle, they prefer more ‘feminine’ looking men, and on the other end they prefer more traditionally ‘masculine’ looking men. If I get tired of his human form, I get more attracted to his cambion form and the cycle repeats. I think that is why I just do not get tired of staring at this stupid man every day. I know I’m not crazy. It’s science (and we all know I’m a trusted scientist).
Non-physical things that intrigue me:
How expressive he is. I love how his face changes constantly and dramatically with each sentence he speaks. It’s mostly an act but he is so charismatic. He has ‘rizz’ like the kids would say.
I can’t fix him. I don’t want to. His mind games intrigue me. I want to study him like a bug and play mind games with him too (I’m not delusional enough to think I’d win). Let it be toxic as fuck on both parts.
This man is just chucking stones from his glass house like there is no tomorrow. He plays such a big bad devil, but he is really just a little wet cat with a god complex and daddy issues. Not to mention his little hissy fits if any of his perceived weaknesses are pointed out. I find it endearing (unfortunately).
His voice and his eloquence. I love it. Even his shitty poetry. I could listen to it for eternity.
He is so smart. I have been shouting it from the roof tops: he is not stupid. He is always ten steps ahead.
He’s honest. He doesn’t lie and you know where you’ve got him (if you know how to keep up with him).
Genuinely everyone thinks he sucks, both devils and mortals, and yet he thinks he is the shit, either genuinely or as a coping mechanism.
He just such a nuances character if you really dig into it.
Things I relate to:
The scheming and overthinking. Everything is meticulously thought out to the point of obsession. He is playing 4D chess but doesn’t even consider that the other players might just eat the pieces to win. He strikes me as someone who completely overcomplicates things for no reason, and I felt that.
His idea of order is very different from what’s actually orderly. It just has to make sense to him, like ‘what do you mean it’s not orderly to have dead people lying around, trash everywhere, and debtors running around aimlessly in my house? Completely intentional. What’s not clicking?”. I felt that too. There is order to my chaos, and you don’t have to understand it. I get it.
He’s a cringy theater kid with a love for poetry too.
I too find it annoying when other people don’t follow the script I had in mind for the conversation.
Just human enough to understand how human interactions works, but either doesn’t give a shit or genuinely thinks that just spouting vaguely threatening poetry to strangers is a completely normal thing to do.
The obsession and ambition that just completely makes him lose the plot of everything else.
He is just so obsessed with everything being perfect to a point where it almost seems silly.
Acts like he doesn’t care, but actually cares A LOT about how other people perceive him.
I could honestly keep going but you get the picture.
(Thank you for the ask <3)
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1800-page-not-found · 1 year ago
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Another Lifetime | Gojo Satoru x Fem! Reader
I caught up with the manga and I think I'm going insane.
I was gonna make him a yandere but i switched up in the middle lol
ig i write for jujutsu kaisen now to yippie
Yall ever have those fucked up dreams of having a child or taking care of them only to wake up and realize your child doesn't exist, and will never exist?
If you do, then you can understand how Gojo acts in this story.
If you don't...just imagine how it feels to lose the closest person or animal to you, and for the entire world ignore the fact that you lost them and expects you to pretend they never existed in the first place. Something like that.
Something is wrong. Very wrong. You can feel it in your bones. Everything's the same, but different.
This... Gojo Satoru is not your Satoru.
What had happened that day? If only you were there to witness it. It was the first time you heard that the Gojo Satoru had fainted.
When he wakes up, he smiles, like his usual cheery self. But something's different. There's a hint of grief.
Everyone else seems to think he's fine. But perhaps its because they don't know him how you know him.
But now, do you even know him?
Day by day, he starts to stick less and less to his morals. He feels empty, a terrifying attribute for a man deemed the strongest. You just hope this Gojo Satoru will stay on the 'good' side.
Or maybe you never knew him at all.
Maybe, he held a facade, even in front of you. Maybe he was that broken this whole time. You wonder what happened that day.
But that's the past. Now...You wondered if you would survive today. It was no longer comforting, being alone with...Gojo was now a frightening experience.
"[name]." He smiled at you, yet it felt cold. Cruel. Evil.
"Yes, Gojo?" You answer back. He pauses.
"...You no longer call me Satoru." He is very close to you. It's suffocating.
"I thought you'd like to be called more formally." His smile drops. It's eerily silent, his eye pierce into you, seemingly tearing you apart until nothing is left.
"I see. Well! That's not what I really wanted to tell you!" And just like that, Gojo is happy. You can no longer tell if he means it or not.
"I escaped! That day-I was set free." He's spouting nonsense again. What does that mean?
"[name]." He grabs your wrist tightly. "are you afraid? Do you not like...the real me?"
The real him?
"Gojo, what nonsense are you spouting. Of course I like you." He smiles again.
"Just wanted to make sure. ⁱ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ⁱ'ᵐ ᵍᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᶜʳᵃᶻʸ."
You exchange a few more sentences, and part ways. As you walk away, you can feel his eyes boring into your back, looking into your soul.
It's chilling. Gojo isn't smiling. Blood...Blood everywhere. Is this the day humanity ends?
"Gojo! What are you doing!?" You shout at him.
He turns around to face you. "Ah! [name]!" A smile that could only be perceived in nightmares appears on his face. "I got rid of them. They were going to hurt our family!"
You freeze.
He sees your reaction, and only grins in response.
"That day, I died. I really died. I couldn't use reversed curse technique. It was scary. 'How am I here then?' you might wonder."
He looks deranged, hysterical.
"It wasn't Jujutsu. A whole entire third world opened up." His face contorts to agony. "I lived a whole entire new life [name]! Free from curses, free from Jujutsu! We got married! We had a child, [name], a child! I was so happy-and, and-" He sounds crazy. He grips his hair, almost to the verge of pulling it out. "in a single moment-it all disappeared when I somehow came back to life."
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I...had a child? No, no, this is just him trying to get into your head!
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"It's not real."
"BUT IT IS, [NAME]. OUR DAUGHTER-SHE WAS REAL. ⁱ⁻ⁱ ʲᵘˢᵗ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ��ʸ ᵇᵃᵇʸ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ…" He mumbles the last part. He crumbles to the ground, a sobbing mess.
This man...he is your Satoru. Just...broken.
But...if it's your Satoru, then you can accept it.
"Satoru..." You bend down. You're... crying.
He looks up at you, eyes red. "ʸᵒᵘ⁻ʸᵒᵘ ᶜᵃˡˡᵉᵈ ᵐᵉ ᵇʸ ᵐʸ ᶠⁱʳˢᵗ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ…" His voice is weak.
"I'm sorry." You pull him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry I couldn't accept you and comfort being at your lowest point."
The two of you hug for a long time, until Satoru pulls out a glass orb of sorts which glows a faint gold color. "Satoru?...What...What is this?"
"My baby...Our baby. I can bring her back, [name]."
But nothing's ever free in this cursed world.
"What price...must be paid?..."
He starts to sniffle, and breaks out into tears again. "I have to kill people [name]. I hate this. I hate this so much."
You pause. "How many?..."
"A thousand lives."
It honestly wasn't a hard decision. You hold your daughter's soul securely, then standing up.
"[n-name]?" Satoru looks up at you, wiping his tears away, just as yours start to pour.
"Satoru. From this day on, I will become a curse user. I'll take the blame. You have never hurt an innocent person, and I will have claimed a thousand lives. One day we'll meet again. Let me do this for you, please."
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It was terrible. Satoru knew that one day, your fate's would intertwine again. And on that day, you'd take your last breath.
"Under Jujutsu Regulations, t-the curse user known as [n-name]-he choked out a sob-[l. name] must be executed."
It was the first time after the day you left him, that he had cried again.
You didn't put up a fight. You smiled as blood poured out of your mouth. You held a piece of paper in your hand when you died.
It read:
I ᴅɪᴅ ɪᴛ, Sᴀᴛᴏʀᴜ. Fʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ᴏᴜʀ ᴅᴀᴜɢʜᴛᴇʀ ᴡᴀs ʀᴇʙᴏʀɴ, I ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɢɪᴠᴇɴ ʜᴇʀ ᴜɴᴄᴏɴᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ʟᴏᴠᴇ. [ᴅ. ɴᴀᴍᴇ] ɪs ᴀ ʟᴏᴠᴇʟʏ ɢɪʀʟ. I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ'ʟʟ ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛ ʜᴇʀ ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀs ᴡᴇʟʟ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴅɪᴅ ɪɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ʟɪꜰᴇᴛɪᴍᴇ.
I ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡɪsʜ I ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴇxᴘᴇʀɪᴇɴᴄᴇ ɪᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ.
Sᴛᴀʏ sᴛʀᴏɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ ᴏᴜʀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ɢɪʀʟ. I ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴛs.
⁻Yᴏᴜʀ ᴏɴᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴʟʏ [ɴᴀᴍᴇ].
He cried for hours, holding your dead body. You named her the same name you had given her in his other lifetime. He...never told you what you named her.
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"Daddy!" A girl shouts gleefully as she gets pushed forward on a swing.
"Wheeee! Isn't this fun, darling?" Satoru pushes his daughter carefully.
"Very! Hehe!" The little girl giggles.
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Satoru opened his eyes as he awakened on a grassy field. 'I fell asleep...where am I?' He looks around to see a faint figure on a hill, painting.
Walking closer, he sees, it's you. It's...you?... "[n-name]?"
He runs and hugs you so tight, you think you'd have died again from his hug.
"I can't stay long Satoru but... I wanted to check up on you. How is [d. name]?"
He smiled. "She's turning seven next month! She's also inherited your cursed technique."
"That's lovely. I'm so proud of you Satoru."
"Of course! I'm not the strongest sorcerer for nothing! It makes me the best father!"
You two talked for what seemed to be like an eternity.
"I have to go now, Satoru." You smiled softly.
"I know name. I love you. [l. name] [d. name.] loves you a lot too. She's never forgotten about you or what you look like, and I intend to keep it that way."
Your eyes widen in surprise. He gave her your last name.
"Goodbye. I love you, Satoru." You whispered as you faded away.
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proximacentaurib · 22 days ago
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alright this is for the second ask game, the 1-50 one
1, 2, 6, 10, 11, 13, 15 (i expect a classical and a periodic), 19, 23, 24, 33, 35, 40, 44, 47, 48, 48.5 (Describe yourself with one quote (be serious (no ironic humor))), 50
get perceived again bucko
Going to speed through answering these because I do have a paper to write and if I don’t answer this ask now then I’ll keep thinking about it instead of writing my overdue essay
1. Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?
Honestly don’t have a strong preference but I’m leaning towards black
2. Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?
City, probably
6. Do you prefer baths or showers?
Showers. Baths got ruined for me in 6th grade when I overheard this girl telling her friend “ew omg you still take baths? I just think that’s gross. You’re like just sitting there in a soup of your own dirt. With showers it just washes right off” and I thought “man she has a point. Guess I’m never taking a bath again” and I kid you not I literally have not taken a single bath in the 8 years since
10. Do you like your name? Would you ever change it?
I think my name is cool as a name by itself but I actually kind of hate it (and have for the past several years) in reference to myself because the vibes are all off and it really just doesn’t feel like me. I forget I even have a name most of the time. Unfortunately no other names sound right either so I guess I’m stuck with this one
11. Who is a mentor to you?
I have been asked this question countless times in my life for random icebreaker questions and personality assessments and whatnot and I never had an answer because I don’t consider anyone a mentor. Like I do admire a fair number of people for different aspects and aspire to reach those levels, but none of that is mentorship
13. Are you a restless sleeper?
Not at all, as evidenced by the 15.5 consecutive hours of sleep I got the other day. I mean I will get bouts of insomnia occasionally but that’s been happening really rarely since I got out of high school
15. Which element best represents you?
Air, probably. When I was 4 I was genuinely convinced I had magic powers that let me control the wind, and I kept believing that until I was about 9
When Shem asked me this question the other day I think I did put bismuth down as an answer, or at the very least I considered adding that as an answer (genuinely don’t remember. What if I never even answered the ask and only imagined answering. What if there never was any ask. Who can say, really). But anyway I just think bismuth is cool. As for what periodic element actually represents my personality…maybe like argon or something. If I remember correctly the etymology of argon points back to “lazy”, and it’s also a noble gas and I’m not only the noblest person around but also the world champion of mental stability
19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?
I am an EXTREMELY picky eater so I avoid strange foods. I think my grandma made me try kholodets (meat jelly) when I was a kid and it was…not good, to say the least
23. Have you ever met someone famous?
Not like FAMOUS famous but I’ve gone to some book signings before if that counts??
24. Do you keep a diary or a journal?
Come on, you know the answer already. Do you really think someone who keeps a diary or journal or has literally any normal method of cataloguing daily events would act the way I do and have texting patterns as deranged as mine
33. What is your favorite scent?
I’m not particularly attuned to scents, so I don’t know. I like the way some of my favorite teas smell?
35. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?
I would have so much cool art and so many cool other items and have the best interior decorations you’ll ever see in your life. And I will also be extremely humble about it
40. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?
“Had to”? Are you trying to fucking kill me or something? I’d get a heart attack and die instantly at the first touch of the…apparatus (forgot what they’re called. The multi-needle contraptions with the ink. Is there even a word for that?). I also don’t have any pictures in mind
44. If you could travel back to any era, which would you choose?
I don’t know, I don’t care enough about the past to have an answer for this. Maybe I could silently skulk around Ancient Rome or something
EDIT: this isn’t a historical era but it’s an era to ME and I’m the only one that matters here. I would travel 4 years into the past because I have quite a few bones to pick with my 15-year-old self. I think a punch or two and several bits of prophetic advice should be able to solve and/or prevent a good amount of the issues I graduated high school with
47. How would you spend your ideal day?
Genuinely don’t know what would actually qualify as “ideal” but just any day where I can comfortably hang out with friends, I guess. My standards are extremely low so I will genuinely be overjoyed to do people’s chores for them or something
48. Describe yourself using one word
Halfhearted
48.5. Describe yourself using one quote
First one that came to mind was this quote from Crime and Punishment:
“Existence alone had never been enough for him; he had always wanted more.”
Second one that came to mind was this quote from Shriek:
“He is not a human being at all, but composed entirely of digressions and transgressions.”
Third quote that came to mind:
“You are the smartest funniest coolest most awesome most amazing most talented most beautiful most brilliant most well-rounded most amicable most enlightened brightest warmest kindest and overall best entity in this whole galaxy” —my legion of 20000 devoted fans
50. Invent your own word. What does it mean?
What, like on the spot? Uhhhhh blorgle and it’s what I did to your mom last night
There, finally done after 30+ minutes. God I am so far behind on this paper it’s insane
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saintsenara · 11 months ago
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Have you read cursed child? I recently read it on my friend's recommendation after years of avoiding it as bad fanfiction. Which, it definitely kind of is! I was, however, pleasantly surprised by Ron and Hermione in it... I can't believe this fandom doesn't talk more about how Ron chooses to die with her and how Hermione asks him to kiss her before the dementors sweep in on them. This is the stuff of dramatic fanfiction! People complain about Ron being very... movie!Ron in the play, but they're so in love I almost don't even register it. And him asking her to marry him again! God. They're so good. Why isn't Romione more popular.
thank you very much for the ask, anon!
i have not read the cursed child - partially this is a result of having got back into harry potter fandom during the pandemic, and therefore having missed the period when it was everywhere in 2016-ish; partially it's because having returned to the fandom after jkr went off the deep end does make me less comfortable engaging with her newer ip, even in circumstances where she doesn't get any money from it; partially it's because i don't have the backbone to be perceived as a harry potter adult while buying it from a charity shop.
which is a shame, because - as you outline here - it sounds so fucking camp, which is something right up my alley. and i do really like many of themes and tropes which emerge in it - i am, for example, a paid-up bellamort baby truther; i like the concept of scorbus; i saw an absolutely deranged post once where someone was trying to claim that cursed child proves snamione is canon, and that's nonsensical energy i respect; someone sent me a picture of a scene where harry polyjuices into voldemort and tells delphini she's not as good-looking as bellatrix once, and i screeched; i am genuinely impressed to hear that it does romione well...
we could have had it so good, but i fear it's not to be.
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runthepockets · 10 months ago
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I think people either forget or ignore that I have autism cus I'm extroverted and energetic and outgoing and athletic and don't have a very hard time in social situations but I very much am still autistic. Like, I can't read body language and I see a lot of social rules as really facile and thus can't conform to them, I ask a lot of questions about how things work and why, I'm really blunt, I can't decipher passive aggressive commentary or sarcasm a lot of the time and anything less than a "Jared fuck off" isn't something that computes with my brain, and of course I have a lot of special interests.
Idk it's crazy (but not surprising, considering how our society treats neurodivergent people) how even other autistic people have these very narrow and stereotypical ideas of what autism looks like and get mad at you for not being autistic in a way that they can compute or that doesn't, like, give them some sort of up in the social hierarchy (think of how any time autism is brought up in a positive or even nuanced context, it's in context of people Satoshi Kajiri or Temple Grandin, never just the quiet working class guy on the subway or the kid who picks fights all the time in class, or anything). Like people are quicker to write me off as some kind of master manipulator who doesn't care about other people's feelings rather than just pause for a minute and be like "oh yeah, this guy's brain doesn't work like it's supposed to, maybe I should show him a little patience and empathy instead of perceiving him as a deranged male aggressor just cus he doesn't fully understand the contrived social expectations I just assumed he would know, maybe I should show him a little patience and empathy instead of dickriding him without lube." Idk I'm a pretty smart guy and I'm pretty good at reading people but I still have fucking autism, I'm not a fucking robot, I'm a person doing his best.
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genderplugin · 1 year ago
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tw// me being annoying
ok so like for gender and sexuality are completely divorced people shut up i haven’t reconciled that and ever since i came out and it has broken my brain >:(
i guess i am probably bisexual but i def like boys more but i seriously hate talking about dating stuff/attraction with my friends because i swear i can literally feel their perception of my gender change whenever i talk about it. it really scares me because like i will feel lots of guilt around my gender and how i’m “performing” and idk i’ve had so many experiences now where i’ll talk about boys i’m obsessed with and people will just talk to me like i’m a faggot or twink 😭 idk i usually feel pretty ok with how i’m perceived with friends but like as soon as i talk about attraction like i literally wanna put my hands on my head and rip my skin off. i’m def not lesbian but there’s like such a stigma around all trans girls being lesbians and i’m terrified to be seen that way too… i feel like people poke fun at it in both ways where if i like boys i’m gay and if i like girls i’m actually just a straight man and i can’t fucking win… i don’t know the amount of times i have been called a twink when i go out dancing has had such a bad effect on my sense of self 😵‍💫😵‍💫 (also fuck djboywife lol). it’s gotten to the point where i like literally get sad when gay men are attracted to me and it happens literally all the time. even last summer i was seeing this guy for like a month and he would say so much shit to me that wasn’t mean spirited but would get in my head so badly :-( like he would always ask my to top him and one time said my facial hair was tickling his face (immediately started laser after this) and i was like oh this person definitely sees me as a man :)))) and like i was dumb enough to ask him about it and he said he was attracted to how “androgynous” i am 😭
like i don’t know i don’t actually hate the idea that sometimes during sex i should feel more fem and sometimes i should feel more masc like that’s kind of a pretty idea but i swear i’ve had some of my most dysphoric moments during it and like i will literally go nonverbal.
and ALSOOO like big thing i hate the way other trans women talk to me so much. like haha funny trans women are all horny but literally they just say deranged shit to me that i doubt they would say to a cis woman so quickly and it makes me feel so gross like how about u be nice to me for like 10 texts instead of talking about what u want to do to me!!!! and then i feel like i can’t even be mad at them because i’m like a prude or something and should just be comfortable with people saying deranged shit to me when i barely know them just because we are both trans???????????? like i get being down bad sexting is fun but it’s seriously like the lack of even seeing me as a person before they start that that makes me wanna cry
really i’m just exhausted and angry because whenever i yearn i feel like i have to do it correctly or else it will affect people’s perception of me and it’s so fucking annoying. i could be literally crazy and projecting my insecurities ig but also like, i don’t know i see that pattern with how people treat me 😭😭 like i just wanna like pretty boys who actually see me as a woman but it always feels so impossible!!!!!!!!
anyways this was entirely incoherent i’m sure i started points and didn’t finish them but i’m not reading any of this again before i post i am just sad methinks
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bluehydrangeasss · 6 months ago
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Everytime I speak, people misunderstand. Like every fucking time. And now idec to explain it. I'm so much misunderstood that now I don't even want to give a fuck abt it but holy shit, I have this shitty mind that makes me overthink abt each and everything. Idk if even my future husband would understand me. I'm so much misunderstood that now people perceive me as a dumbass. Idk if I'll ever find someone who gets me. Who gets what I mean. Who gets what I am trying to convey. To whom I won't have to explain what I meant. Who would not consider me "slow processing mentally ill deranged dumbo". Idts anyone is there for me but I hope there is someone out there.
No one has ever liked me. Idek a single person who might have thought of me romantically. Do I look this bad? Am I this deranged weirdo in people's pov? Idk if someone would ever experience true love for me. I might fantasize or think abt what my future husband is doing rn. But I'm unlovable. He would never like me. Whoever gets married to me would think at a point in his life that they probably did something very bad that they are stuck with me. He would cheat on me thinking that "this dumbass bitch would never get to know and even if she gets to know she I'll tell her that she's a curse for me and he wants to get rid of me". No one would ever love me. My parents also hate me. Idk what they did to deserve me. I hope they might have got a better daughter. I think all the people I know or I have met have done something very bad that they have to know me. Idts my bsf might have done smth this bad that she got a weirdo like me to be her bsf. I hope she meets better people than me in her life. But I don't want to leave her because she's the only one who knows everything abt me. But I don't want her to be stuck wid me. She's too sweet of a person to deserve a useless person like me. I don't remember a single time I might have helped her somehow. Idk what kind of bsf i am. My teachers and classmates don't even know me because I don't have my own identity. Idts no one knows me in my previous class yet except some people who were unfortunate enough to get to talk to me. My new classmates don't know me till now. Or maybe they do know a stupid person with specks whose name they don't remember. I used to think that if I get good grades people will know me but they don't. They don't even care. They don't give a shit abt it.
I was never made to be loved or taken care of,
I was made to be hated and judged and to be talked shit about,
And I deserve that, for reasons I don't know or maybe I do.
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seeker-ophelia · 4 months ago
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But wait there's more.
Forewarned,
#Long Post, and also a (bad) Literary Analysis by an Electrician.
Okay, I've been in angst for so long I re-watched a much of older Jane Austin moves on Netflix and... you guys... they're all solavellan.
Solas & Predjudice
A slew of miscommunications and “prejudices” cause a kerfuffle for the Bennet family. The main couple, Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, eventually find love after throwing away their pride, and the prejudices they heard about the other from untrustworthy sources. All of the attraction between the two is conveyed without them touching, halted broken voices, the infamous “hand,” etc.
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Austen is thought to have taken her title from a passage in Fanny Burney's Cecilia (1782), a novel she is known to have admired: "The whole of this unfortunate business," said Dr Lyster, "has been the result of PRIDE and PREJUDICE. ... if to PRIDE and PREJUDICE you owe your miseries, so wonderfully is good and evil balanced, that to PRIDE and PREJUDICE you will also owe their termination."
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The American novelist Anna Quindlen observed in an introduction to an edition of Austen's novel in 1995: Pride and Prejudice is also about that thing that all great novels consider, the search for self. And it is the first great novel that teaches us this search is as surely undertaken in the drawing room making small talk  (hello, DragonAge Dialogue) as in the pursuit of a great white whale...
Next is Jane Eyre, in which the male Protag, Edward, might be the best comparison to Solas I can imagine.
Jane (well spoken, soft, witty, good, kind) falls in love with a loner but rich landowner (Edward). There is something fishy about him tho, we are led to believe there's something dangerous/off about him, if he is housing a demon/animal, or is in fact a demon himself. They attempt to marry, but the ceremony is stopped. Its discovered "the demon" is his wife, a mentally unstable woman who Edward married to save. He literally calls her “My own demon.” He wants to protect this deranged woman (out of duty? misplaced duty?) but loves Jane deeply. Jane runs away, makes a life for herself, feel guilt, then goes back to him to find his house burned, the woman dead, and Edward blind. They kiss, you assume happy ending.
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Edward thought to protect Jane by NOT FUCKING TALKING TO HER Bro like come on what are you even... like you should have fucking told her. Gods damn it Solas Edward just use your outdoor voice and talk to the pretty lady.
They do end up together, but only after Edward has gone through great physical and emotional strife, pretty much of his own doing, I think we can all agree.
And I'd be remis to not talk about Persuasion, because the scene is set so perfectly for Veilguard.
In Persuasion, the book starts up several years after protag Anne breaks off her Engagement with Love Interest (TM) Captain Frederick Wentworth.
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Once AGAIN, through NOT FUCKING TALKING TO EACH OTHER, they think the other has moved on, and they try not to intrude on the others life. But (in the movie), Wentworth writes her a beautiful confession letter, which I will put here with some *minor* modifications:
Dearest Inquisitor Levellan, I can listen no longer in silence. Vhenan, you pierce my soul. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I am half agony, half hope. I know too much time has passed, and you have moved on, but I will never forgive myself if I do not tell you this. You alone have brought me to heel. For you alone, I think and plan. But of course, you have not seen this, how could you? Because your love has not lasted as long as mine. Vhenan, I have loved no one but you and I don’t think I ever will. I have thought many times about how to tell you this. But the pain of a love unrequited (except for Soals it’s the pain of perceived duty/guilt) rendered me silent.  Tell me not that I am too late. My love for you has never faltered. Yours, eternal, Solas Fen’Harel What is even your real name just tell me cuz its NOT FUCKING WISDOM YOU DUMB EGG
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Solas is so ANCIENT, and GDL voices him SO WELL, with that welsh-tinge, its so hard NOT to put this love story in with the romance classics. Especially with the main theme being JUST TALK TO EACH OTHER YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.
I am just hoping and praying and huffing that copium that we get a happy ending, and not a sad one.
Or even better, through our interactions with Solas' memories, that we get to choose.
remember recent posts about that scene?
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it was mostly about a solavellan reunion
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it suddenly hit me and unblocked a bonus fear: solavellan ending just like in the movie/book. like a bit melancholic yet happy ending in which love wins and future seems much brighter than before and... then you found out it isn't real, it's just a story told by someone else as a try to make things right for them and bring a happiness because they deserved it even if the reality was never kind to them.
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Varric, a storyteller, if you will try to make this Atonement thing to me, I will find you and I will kill you.
Movie: "Atonement", 2007
Book: "Atonement", Ian McEwan, 2001
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fucking hilarious to me that Hayward has now been a part of creating not one but TWO separate gods and he did not think to mention his previous experience even once to his comrades-in-arms the second time around. head empty. literally just carnival music playing in there are all times.
#based solely on vibes it's probably Nirvana#Hayward is a Nirvana fan truth 2k22#he WANTS to be a boomer but he's a sad Gen X little man#Carpenter is actually everything Hayward thinks he is and wants to be#Paige is too actually#which is why he's a little bit obsessed with both of them#(psychosexually)#(not that either of them would ever desire him carnally and also he'd probably be too afraid to ever make a move so that's a nonstarter)#(but the fact remains that I am *positive* he thinks about them driving away together in a squad car#and leaving him chained to the doors of the police station during an environmental catastrophe#and thinks 'it's weird that I liked that right? I probably shouldn't have been into that?#shouting about how I'd hunt them to the ends of the earth was probably like... tipping my hand a little? I should have played it cool.#dammit Hayward you always do this.' <-- content of Hayward's inner monologue livestreamed directly into my brain)#fuck I don't even have to write fic anymore I can just post the most deranged kink takes about TSV characters into the notes of siltposts#this is not a headcanon btw this is me seeing and perceiving the truth#there is just SO MUCH psychosexual weirdness to how both Paige and Carpenter interact with Hayward and I for one love it#Paige never explaining to her dad that Hayward is NOT her boyfriend lmfao#taking him to her farmhouse where she used to bring her exes#'i made you eggs'#people are not going to like this because no one wants shipping in this fandom and quite frankly it is great that we don't have that here#but you cannot erase the fact that Hayward's sole mode of interaction with other human beings seems to be:#'please bully me in a slightly kinky way' and nearly every character is just like 'ok can do <3'#Paige doesn't flirt-bully anybody else! Carpenter only does it to Hayward and Paige! the other people she bullies is totally platonic#Carpenter clearly bullies Faulkner with purely platonic affection and now even that is basically just for show#but I'm sure if she was in a room with Paige and Hayward she'd be flirt-bullying the absolute SHIT out of Hayward to impress Paige lol#fellas is it homoerotic to handcuff a guy and drive away together into the sunset#siltposting: after hours#siltposting#tsv spoilers#the silt verses spoilers
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kajillionaires · 2 years ago
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i’m literally insane like insane like i dunno i make the most ridiculous replies ever i can never be texted bc it’s either i try ridiculously hard to match whatever energy received even though i’m objectively terrible at it or i do not reply and then i accidentally open it and then have to reply and rather than reply normally i need to explain that i’m actually socially inept as a preface to the actual message that i want to say and then it gets long and rambly and ridiculous and i do hope it comes off as charming and not like deranged as i perceive it because i am so wholly and completely humiliated by the paragraph reply i’ve just sent to someone who replied to my story a week and a half ago who i never answered for um unknown reasons but they’ve already texted back which makes me feel even fucking worse because how inconsiderate do you have to be to ignore someone who is that nice and i’m just so embarrassed guys and what’s worse i already forgot what i wrote in the paragraph i sent it no more than 3 min ago and i couldn’t tell you a single word of what i wrote in that
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3liza · 3 years ago
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hey im not gonna spread your weird social media-mediated brain infection on my blog, instead here are some cool studies to look at about how the "beautiful people have an easier life, every day, all the time" is a simplistic view, and is also patriarchal as fuck. more recent studies on "beauty privilege" are finding that the issue is complex, and that perceived beauty acts as a negative pressure in some/many social situations. i have always wondered why my experiences varied so much from the apparent wonderland the pop-science concept of "beauty privilege" paints, and more recent studies (often designed by women this time, imagine) are getting into the complexity there.
you personally may want to think about not reading my social media accounts if they are making you feel and act like this. i think i am not going to interact with you anymore if i can help it because i feel bad about what it is doing to you. anyway.
the short version is that beauty is beneficial in heterosexual social situations when dealing with the opposite sex, but detrimental when dealing with the same sex. this aspect of the research is usually ignored because who needs nuance in their pop psychology, right? not this guy (pointing 2 self)
very simply put, a beautiful woman can flirt her way out of a ticket from a heterosexual male cop. if she tries it on a person who doesnt consider her a potential romantic partner, there may be (and apparenly often are) negative consequences.
similarly in my own life i find that 99% of the apparent opportunities i'd been given for being young and fuckable were predicated on me actually fucking* the person who "offered" them, and most of them turned out to be fake/insincere opportunities anyway. tumblr refers to this as "grooming" when applied to child subjects (which i was, for much of it) but the behavior persists into the target's adulthood, middle age, and even old age if certain conditions are met. i can't find any studies on this because you can't put a Sleazy Guy in a lab setting and ask him "hey were you actually going to hire this woman on hte up-and-up, or were you going to 'hire' her and then spend 16 months making increasingly deranged sexual harassment attempts before reporting her to HR for made-up reasons and then finally firing her or hamstringing her career? just wondering".
i always think about that episode of Always Sunny where Mac goes nuts because every kid in his class was molested by the gym teacher and he imagines this to be some sort of privilege, even though charlie was one of the victims and is clearly devastated by it. thats what this conversation feels like every time it gets to the level of anons making fake tumblr accounts to KEEP pestering me about this stuff. remember that thing i said earlier about blood in the water, and how i dont post about bad shit that happened to me because it attracts the wrong kind of attention??? hehuehueheuheuhuehriuhgfidsrhru
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actually thats a whole other realm of study: why victims of sexual assault and abuse are often re-victimized. until recently it was assumed that the victims were making bad decisions in who to trust, and this is sooorrrrtt of true, but doesn't tell the whole story. i read a study once that i am trying to find and will post later if i find it, that took video of adult women study subjects (who had agreed to be filmed) walking normally just down the street publically, and showed this video to male test subjects. if im remembering the study correctly, which i may not be, the male subjects who scored higher on psychopathy indices were better able to indentify the women in the test footage who had been sexually assaulted at some point in their former lives.
something to think about is a lot of "attractive" qualities (including proccupation with physical appearance leading to altering that appearance to be more beautiful), especially in the manic pixie archetype, are very strongly represented in trauma victims, especially sexual assault survivors (as is the opposite, intentionally trying to be "unattractive" to avoid further victimization). this includes "seductiveness", one of the adjectives used to diagnose child sexual abuse victims before the verbiage in the literature got cleaned up. obviouly a child cant be "seductive" and thats pretty offensive and fucked up to say. what they meant is that the childs behavior has been altered by trauma to become sexualized to appease attackers. this is part of the "fawn" sector of emergency responses in humans (along with fight, flight, and freeze).
so when we talk so cavalierly of "beauty" and "attractive people" vs "unattractive people" we are simplifying an issue that is so complex it is difficult even to think about. this complexity makes me go "hmm" every time theres a study on it, much less a popular belief. a lot of it sort of doesnt square with easily-observable phenomena: if physical beauty is so correlated to success, why are the 1% of wealthy people, politicians, actual power-holders, hell even the CEOs of normal companies, very very rarely what you would consider physically beautiful, even when they havent aged out of what the culture thinks is the maximum span of time someone can be "hot"? some of this is just personal preference, and it's real hard to study any of this because of how complex that issue becomes. but where are all these hot successful people i keep hearing about? are they all trophy spouses and retired from the public eye? you can definitely cherrypick examples of "influencers" etc but thats an extremely narrow line of work, and not representative.
anyway! lot of the "do beautiful people get more stuff" research is from quite a while ago, wasnt designed well, and was based on a work and social culture that was quite a bit different than it is now. but even older studies document this effect. ive spent like many minutes typing about this stupid bullshit so im bored and annoyed now and i dont want to type about it anymore
1. Effects of Self-Esteem Threat on Physical Attractiveness Stereotypes
2. Does being attractive always help? positive and negative effects of attractiveness on social decision making (cant find the sci-hub version, alas, but documents a negative effect we're actually seeing an anecdotal example of in my inbox rn)
3. Is beauty a gift or a curse? The influence of an offender’s physical attractiveness on forgiveness
* often it wasnt even just a sex thing. it's very very often a romance/relationship that is desired by the perpetrator. it's a misapprehension of the public that sexual harassment/grooming is "just about sex" or even less accurately "just about power", it isnt
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lovinglin · 2 years ago
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🎫 here's a gush pass ^^ feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other self shippers!
Fuck it, we ball
WARNING: Spoilers for the Gens.hin 3.1 Arc.hon quest below (not all, just a small portion)
I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE
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SLAMMING MY FISTS ONTO THE TABLE
DO U SEE THIS MAN???? DO U SEE HIM?????
I AM SO DERANGED FOR HIM IAM SO DUANTNDIGKSBVMSJFKCUVKSBVKSJFNSJ
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NOBODY FUCKING LOOK AT ME NOBODY PERCEIVE ME I AM SO AMDHRKDJFNSBVKS I LOVE HIM UR HONOR I WANNA RUN MY FINGERS THRU HIS HAIR AND GIVE HIM FOREHEAD KISSES.....
U all dont understand how apeshit I went when I experienced this cutscene in game by myself I was fuckgifnfbhsnfjsmcnsnfnHSKDJDKDJJD HE IS SO....
STOP IT. STOP IT RN I AM SO FUCKING DERANGED
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His side profile.... his face..... hdjfhHSBFHGJDNFNFNGNFNGNFGHDGNDJFNDNGNDFJDNFNGJDNFNDN
I wanna kiss him ty. Maybe two. Maybe five. Maybe for a few hours. His lips just look really really really kissable
Whenen he hwne he when
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Bye
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forbiddcnsirvn · 3 years ago
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[ CAP: 4 / 6 ]
[ location: the coffin club ] 
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truth be told, vampirism was a concept that evren still couldn’t grasp. not in entirety, hell even remotely, often remaining aghast to the memories of the night where everything felt falsified other than the pair of strong arms scooping her up and rescuing her from exhaling out her last breath. even then, it was convoluted — something of an enigma, which others seemed to perceive her as these days. it was undeniable that there had been a shift, and the queenpin gnawed it beneath mantles of indifference, behaving as if it were some anecdote spoken by naysayers. though now that wasn’t always easy either, not when she would have an abundance of patrons stacked up at times in her line of work demanding for the most ludicrous requests. certain eves were easier to humor them, flickering her newly-grown fangs and making them piss. but some tended to stay, and those were the ones who would often made her wish she could have, literally, torn them apart. with her growing pregnancy, the waitress had been granted lesser shift, but right now she just wished she had remained home. “i swear to god, if you’re another one of those people who’s only here because you have some deranged blood fetish and want me to suck off your neck or whatever then kindly fuck off. whatever the hell you think i am, i don’t do that shit, not to mention i’m also spoken for.”  she mumbled, not bothering to curtain the acrid delivery. “if not, then i’d suggest finding another waitress anyway. i’m on my break.” 
@salemstart​
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lostjulys · 2 years ago
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anywayyy as much as i do think that is an excellent analysis i will say that 1. my interpretation of them is fundamentally different because i interpret canon in a different way than gritty & psychologically accurate... i think that meta would make more sense if they were like. in their late 20s or older than that.. imo it's very funny to be like "killing himself was the calloused twisted logic of a man who has this flaw.." when he is. like. seventeen? like. come now. occam's razor. is it more likely that he's a twisted deranged 5d chess player with an intimate understanding of political ideology and the willingness to become a martyr for a point? or is it more likely that he's a severely mentally ill teenager who's fumbling his way around a dysfunctional society. ?
also hm the thing about fucking uhhh radically different understandings of happiness + love + personhood + value meaning that fundamentally they would never work out is weird imo... suprisingly enough in a real person world it is entirely possible for people with varying philosophies and varying trauma and varying interpretations of important things 2 be normal people together. granted this takes communication which cb/eeduo are fucking notoriously terrible at but also like. that one just made me go huh. weird. having a different definition of personhood than your lover based on traumatic events you've gone through isn't like. be all end all awful.
what else uhhh the thing about fundamentally philosophically different understandings of love meaning they cant love each other identically was kind of a non sequitur imo. like. u didn't talk about love before that. ? also sighhh the entire fucking human experience is the fact that no two people love identically. go read some thornton wilder about it. like. yes obviously miscommunication and misinterpretation and things being of different relative value for each person is a real thing yes an imperfect understanding of how your lover perceives love can lead to conflict but like... not in a They Can Never Be Together way. okay yeah theres probably more pausechamp stuff later especially irt 2 the sui thing but this is a long post... dont kill me for vauging i saw u guyse posts like 'if they dont like its meta well say what you don't like about it!!!' and that is what i am doinfg <33
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fairycosmos · 3 years ago
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Hello, I hope you’re having a nice day! There’s something I wondered, and I really hope it’s not selfish. I’ve wondered for a while but wasn’t sure it was appropriate to ask. It really sucks to see someone so down, you seem like a good person, and deserve some freedom! So I suppose, when you talk about your loss, how you’ve been left with so much, how grief is a terrible burden, which is completely reasonable. Do you ever feel angry? Maybe angry at your sister? I know it’s not good to place unjust blame and let those feelings consume you, but just from an outside view it’s upsetting that you were the one left with such a burden! It seems cruel to me, I can’t help feeling like tour situation would naturally make someone angry at the person they lost. Is it like that? I’m really sorry if this is an ignorant thing to ask.
hey dw it's not ignorant at all, it's cool. this is going to be long but it's the only way to explain the complexities of what you asked so sorry about that! im definitely really angry. the intensity of it comes and goes, but there's always this undercurrent of rage that i literally can't let go of. ive mentioned this before, but when she first died, every time i tried to speak to her outloud (like everyone told me to) it would just end up with me lecturing her. like a parent. i could not and still can't believe what she's done, even if it wasn't intentional. i cant stand it. i feel frustrated to the point of tears that she wasn't more careful, that she didn't perceive enough value in herself and her life to take care of herself properly. because she was quite literally the most amazing person ive ever known, and i can not fathom that she would be so careless and that she would gamble her safety like that. the last few weeks were so enraging, she just wouldn't listen. it was like she was very suddenly a different person, and i'm still carrying a lot of frustration because of that. on a related note, we used to joke all the time that dealing with our family, and with the future, would be hell if we didn't have each other - she used to tease me like, what would you do without me? - and now i'm so beyond mad that that is my reality. and it will be forever because of her actions. i'm alone in the worst way without her and i can't put into words how mad i am because of it. it feels almost mocking. sometimes i look at her pictures and think, you're laughing at me right now. even though i know that's not fair. she would be fucking devastated to see that things turned out this way. she would spend forever apologising, but ultimately i still don't think shes got anything to be sorry for. she was struggling in a way i never have, above all else.
i'm really pissed off at the nature of her death and at the nature of grief, too. i think all the time about how unlucky she was, about how her shitty boyfriend abused drugs for years and hes still alive - the whole fucking world takes them. i don't understand why she died and how it happened so quickly, i just don't get it. theres a lot about that actual overdose that makes me deranged with anger too, i can barely talk about that part. and mourning itself is so frustrating. i'm incredibly angry at how permanent it is, how isolating, how nobody seems to get it. and how anyone has the audacity to think i should care about the world, or about my own life, or anything. my best friend died, everything else is background noise. the fact that i'm expected to keep going is a fucking joke. i'm also super mad at my family, which i'll never say to them, but i am. maybe they just shouldn't have fucking had kids if they were going to let them turn out like this. obviously the person i'm most angry at is myself, because i should have done more. i go on about how she was the person i loved the most in this world, and look at how she ended up. i'll never stop being pissed at myself for not checking on her more that night, or for not dragging her to a rehab center, even if i know logically it wasn't that simple back then. she'd have told me she was taking care of it, she'd have lied. but yeah, when i think about it, the outline of this whole situation is just absolute unadulterated fury.
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