#do not expect this amount of art from me regularly lol

[literallyjabroni]

got real

[chazmcfreelyhater]

CHAZ/TOBOR BRO HEADCANONS

omg. so I realised that after I drew Chaz/TOBOR content one time that i haven’t actually shared how important they are to me. erm. so I have made a silly little document of background/headcanons that could have been pages long but I didn’t want to be TOO insane.

also BIG DISCLAIMER the TOBOR headcanons and art at the bottom belong to Chiptoons on Insta/Chipt00ns on Twitter. SHE IS AMAZING and helped me to edit this doc so thank u for ur service chippy. thank you for inventing tobor mysims

They became friends because we were friends and it was like dragging our children along to a function and being like “ok now go play w the other kids” lol. lmao.

We both have OCs x canon with the robots so that's pretty much where it all started from- I probably won’t do a whole timeline at least for now but basically Makoto, Naomi (Louie’s OC) and Vivian (Chippy’s OC) would all spend time together regularly until they started inviting the bohs along

TOBOR was. a bit suspicious of Chaz at first since he had some pretty bad trust issues when it came to humans, and also because that’s usually the normal reaction to meeting Chaz, but he honestly wasn’t super phased by it. Chaz was used to people being kinda cold towards him yet also had a tendency to latch onto them anyway. Even though he spent hours actively trying to annoy him and talk about bike mechanics, which was pretty much just his attempt at being friendly and having fun- the biggest thing for TOBOR was that Chaz would never use the fact that he was a robot against him. Like he would never treat him like any less of a person, to Chaz he literally was just Some cool dude with a green head

Even when they become like Friend friends they still are surprisingly careful around eachothers’ boundaries. Tbh a lot of their relationship is built off things most people wouldn’t expect from them, as in the two scary bitch boys are actually very respectful of eachother and keep secretz and look out for the other n their bffs. It’s not OOC if we make the chars. IDGAF

They actually didn’t think they’d get as close as they did: TOBOR and Chaz essentially see eachother as brothers at this point, since they (mostly through accident) found out they had a surprising amount in common, with the way people kinda assumed stuff about them beforehand and were not the nicest . Chaz considers him one of his best friends bc he is CRINGE and is still constantly out to annoy him but at this point TOBOR just effortlessly shows him up. Chaz also likes to bully him on account of he hearts Vivian and you know what who doesn’t. They both got parental issues too which they also kinda relate to each other with; sometimes there will be stuff between them that they tease eachother for RELENTLESSLY, but if anyone else were to bring it up at all they would be killed within the second. TOBOR tends to stick up for Chaz a lot since he is more naïve and struggles to see when people are actually trying to upset him instead of just being Chaz Haterz for fun. Defending people and having their backs is his love language.

There is also a whole thing in the future with him/Makoto being more closely associated with the Delarosarenas but I don’t want to overshare or b cringe but Kerry literally adores TOBOR and the fact he loves cooking :> he simply IS her new son and she displays interest in hiring him one day. If the lab thing doesn’t work out. Which it is not. Again they r like BROTHERS make no mistake we do not ship them.

Silly little HC list for the fun of it:

Chaz likes to attempt to tackle TOBOR every time he sees him and it always ends in an injury.

TOBOR is secretly very good w Chaz’s younger family members.

TOBOR attempted to teach Travis how to cook for Chaz romantic style. After it all went to shit he informed the Englishman the only way to save it would be to fake his own death.

Chaz’s favourite name for TOBOR is “Flat Head Ass”, closely followed by “Toby”. His bro name for them is “Chobor”. TOBOR is repulsed by every single thing that comes out of his mouth.

TOBOR considers Naomi a little sister. Not super relevant but when Chippy said he probably did I wept. oh how I wept

Toborviv bridal party at Chavis wedding. I may be cringe but I am free.

TOBOR succumbs to the fact he is in love with Vivian. Instead of confessing, he panics and asks Chaz, who has NO electronic experience, to program it out of him. They both damn near die, bro style

TOBOR LETS HIM INFODUMP he is happy that Chaz trusts him ahehe

WTF!!! Da gallery:

[cxrnxticn]

✿ da rules ✿

Activity: The activity on here will be off and on; so don’t assume I disappeared off the face of the earth if I’m gone for several days. I have a life outside of this hobby, as we all do; so please be patient with me!

NSFW-ish: This is a semi-nsfw blog (tagged #❁ — n.s.f.w. and #❁ — n.s.f.w-ish) with brief mentions of bloody fights, childhood neglect, abandonment issues, and underage exploitation. Chances for naughty stuff are pretty slim compared to my previous activity. While Mari is sexually active, Mun is ace af (and 30+); so I’ll be limiting the dirty details to vague descriptions and fade-outs if it comes to that. Also, if there are any specific tags you need me to be aware of, let me know and I'll be sure to add it! Also also, minors: do not interact!!

Shipping: This is a multi-shipping blog where each one has their own verse separated from the other. Now, when it comes to shipping, chemistry is a thing that makes both romantic and non-romantic relations worthwhile. My muse is not a pro at handling in-depth emotions; so it will take a good amount of time for her to open her heart to someone; so unless we’ve settled on a pre-established relationship, don’t expect her to throw herself onto your muse right off the bat.

Length: You’re not obligated to match my writing length but again, effort matters. For instance, if I write a paragraph, please don’t fart out a single line of dialogue. That’s just poopy.

Initiation: Never hesitate to approach me if you wanna interact! Got any ideas for our muses that tickle your fancy? I offer you consent to invade my inbox, IM me, or just send in a meme. Hell, tag me in a random starter, and I’ll leap with joy!

Discourse: I’m very anti-drama and hivemind. It’s rare for me to take things personally, or get wrapped up in public discourse; so don’t feel like you need to walk on eggshells around me. I won’t bite your head off or use any forms of violence against you for being different from me but I also refuse to put up with harmful behavior. In the end, if it comes down to that, I’ll just block you. ✌

Following Conditions

Mutuals: I only follow mutuals for the sake of seeing their posts as they do mine vice versa. Simple as that lol.

Selectivity: I’m a bit selective. I welcome pretty much all muses as long as they have the necessary details down. The things I look for are clear and concise rules and bios for muses, as well as the consideration of how our muses will interact regarding verses and dynamics. Oh and I judge the Mun’s own character as well, whether or not I see any red flags popping up that could indicate any *sussy* behavior, that will determine my decision to follow or unfollow.

TMI: I will be discouraged from following those who regularly overshare personal information not related to their muses or roleplaying in general. If your rp blog resembles your personal diary, sorry but I’ll likely unfollow. Oversharing is an unhealthy habit; especially when you publicize it to a bunch of strangers. Please be careful with what you share!

Grammar: If you make constant grammatical errors and don’t bother proofreading your posts, I might find it cringe, and be motivated to unfollow you. Sorry but I treat the art of writing with dignity, and I hope you would put in at least some effort as well. If you’re ESL, I’ll be more forgiving but come on, native English speakers, try harder!!

Interaction: If neither of us even bother to reach out to one another for a good while, I don’t see any reason to continue following. Nothing personnel, kid.

F.U.N.: Above all, have fun! Don’t beat yourself up over a late reply or for not seeming as perfect as you wish to be. It’s called roleplay for a reason! Let’s enjoy it in the same carefree manner as the children we once were! 😊

[i-luvsang]

nct dream reaction to their s/o kissing their neck

request: none genre: fluff summary: how do the members of nct dream react when their s/o kisses their neck (in a very innocent, soft way lmao) warnings: none a/n: shfjdsjshdjd this was my first time writing a reaction, i hope y’all enjoy and that it doesn’t suck too much lol. it’s really long XD like i just got more and more carried away fksdhksd

➳ mark

well

this boi loves to kiss your shoulders

i just know it i’ve also seen it in like fifteen different posts but that’s not the point lmao

anyways, this time you wanted to try it instead

so you were hugging

and he kissed your shoulder like he usually does

and then you pressed a soft kiss on the skin where his neck meets his shoulder

to put it simply, he melted

he loved it so much, like so much, i cannot stress this enough

he pauses; in shock, but quickly recovers and hugs you even tighter 

he has the the softest, most adoring little smile on his face (along with a light blush cuz he’s kinda a shy baby haha)

then i think that he’s pull away just enough to press the sweetest kiss on your lips 

because that little kiss you gave him made his heart overflow with so much love that he just had to

now you both regularly kiss each other’s shoulders/neck and it’s just really cute hehdhdj

bonus: when you like actually kiss his neck (rather than shoulder) he gets so frickin soft and flustered and blushes like crazy but he really really loves it lol

➳ renjun

so he was drawing/painting like the talented artsy boy he is

and you were kinda just hanging around on the couch a few feet away

you were bored, but for the moment content with just watching him be talented and pretty

the way that his eyebrows furrowed slightly as he carefully put in the details was just so adorable

so adorable that you had to do something about it

that something entailed standing up and quietly walking up behind him

at first you just admired his art for a moment, something that he was used to you doing

but gosh he was just so endearing

so you leaned down and around, gently kissing the side of his neck

this boy froze

he could not, for the life of him, suppress the smile that started to grow on his face

his dimple popped out

and he tried not to freak out

but his blush was so evident like boi-

and again, he was just so cute, so you kissed his neck again

and this child is just about to combust because of the sheer amount of hearts and uwus inside him 

so he angrily slams his drawing utensil on the table and attacks you with kisses all over your face

➳ jeno

you were snuggling with jeno on his bed

and it was already very very soft and adorable

he was laying on his back reading a book and you were like halfway on his chest

and obviously you love jeno too much for your own good

so you wanted to kiss him

but you’re also a lazy child just like me, so you settled for kissing his neck

you just tilted your head up slightly and gave his neck a cute little smooch

you could feel him tense slightly in surprise and pleasure but this little fricker pretended to keep reading his book

but you looked up at his face and his eye smile was so big that you were sure he couldn’t even see a thing, much less read the words on the pages

so you smooched his neck again and there was absolutely no way that he could resist you

he set his book aside and wrapped his arms around you, pressing the most loving big kiss on the top of your head

he gave you another kiss

and another

and a n o t h e r

because he’s fricking whipped for you and then makes you tilt your head up so he can kiss your lips too

so in case you couldn’t tell jeno liked it when you kissed his neck

➳ haechan

this little--

istg he’s gonna be the death of us all

so you were sitting next to donghyuk; both of you doing some sort of work

and you finished first, so you kinda just sat around, very bored and wanting some entertainment

of course this baby boi loves to tease you

so you were like

“i should tease him back”

by kissing his neck

and you probably knew by then, that kissing his neck would not be his loss, would not act as teasing for him, but rather would backfire on you

but like i said, you were bored and you wanted some attention, so you leaned over

and kissed his adorable little neck

this babe freezes, turns to look at you, and just smirks

“awwww my baby can’t live without my affection for just five minutes, can they?” “you know you could just ask if you want me to kiss you. no need for these obvious hints”

and of course you mentally facepalm but you knew it was coming

besides it was cute because he was actually blushing

and he would never admit it but that made him really happy and soft

he ends up pressing the sweetest kiss on your forehead before turning back to his work (that he can’t focus on bc all he can think about is how much he loves you)

➳ jaemin

so this baby hadn’t seen you in a few days

and by his texts you could tell that he really missed you (and you ofc missed him a bunch too)

so you decided to go surprise him at the company building while he was practicing

you asked renjun and jeno to help you surprise him a bit, so they made sure that he knew you weren’t coming and that he’d be there when you come

you got there safely and successfully yay and headed to the practice room that jeno told you they were in

you walked in and were very happy to see the jaemin’s back was to you

so you motioned for the boys that noticed you to be quiet and ran up to jaemin, attacking him with the biggest back hug

but THEN you decided to kiss the back of his neck

he was already dying of happiness when he felt his arms around you

and that little kiss just sent him over the edge with love and joy

he MELTED OK HE MELTED INTO YOUR ARMS

it was like all the stress and any negative emotion inside of him just melted away and he just felt so touched by that little kiss from you

especially because he’s the one who usually initiates physical affection

i think he’d actually get slightly emotional, especially if he had a hard/tiring day

is just overwhelmed with gratitude for you uwu

turns around and hugs you so tight and won’t let go of you for the rest of the week day

➳ chenle

honestly who knows what you two were doing

you were messing around with each other per usual

but you got tired lol

so you kinda just found yourselves tangled up on the ground

you were probably giggling like maniacs

and you were just so happy and in love with chenle that you had to smooch him

but like i said you were kinda just a mess of tangled up limbs

so you couldn’t reach his face

therefore, you opted to kiss his neck, which was just in reach

you gave him a big, dramatic, adorable smooch right on the front of his neck and above his collarbone

when i tell you he smiles so wide? i mean he smiles so. frickin. wide.

the biggest grin adorned his face and he lets out the loudest, happiest, most pleased laugh in the world

is really just beyond happy

he literally asks you to do it again

so obviously you do

and he freaks out again

spends like fifteen five minutes trying to get untangled from you so that he can kiss you all over and hug you into oblivion

just adores it when you kiss his neck and wants you to do it all the time

➳ jisung

so you were sitting in this baby’s lap

(which made him extremely flustered at the beginning, but once he gets used to it he actually adores having you on his lap, like idc if you’re taller or bigger than him in any way, he loves it)

you were kinda just chillin on a couch, probably both looking at your phones

it was just very soft cuz he had his arms around you and you were all curled up against him

jaemin probably walked in and threw a blanket on you, as well as took fifteen thousand pictures of you without you noticing somehow

anyways, you kinda just looked at his face and were like

“dang my boyfriend is so cute and i love him more than anything in this universe” as you should

so you were like

time to initiate some sort of other physical affection to make him extremely flustered

you’d never kissed his neck before and now was the time to do so

so you reached over and pressed a sweet, gentle kiss on the side of his neck right below his jaw

as we all expected, he f r o z e

he became a block of hecking ice idc if it was in the middle of summer tho that would make jaemin putting a blanket on you slightly odd but we can ignore that

basically he was just really flustered and a blushing mess but it most definitely makes him very happy and smiley

ok does anyone know how to fix the stupid formatting/spacing error thingy it does for bulleted stuff that it does in the app?? lol

[blackradandmad]

why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

[gothghost]

Blog Update

Short Version: This blog won't be used for posting my art and the things I draw anymore, outside of potential rare small exceptions. I can't recommend you expect that kind of "content" from me. Old art will stay up under the #addie's art and #my art tags. I'm just going to continue using this blog for whatever, minus art from now on. Long version with more details and explanation below:

As anyone who has followed this blog for a long time has probably noticed, I haven't been posting art nearly as much as I used to at certain times in the past. (Not that my output was ever that frequent or consistent.) This isn't because I haven't been drawing, in fact I've actually been creating a decent amount of art and ideas lately. But I haven't really felt like posting any of it, and after thinking about it for a while I think it's because posting my art to social media just isn't a source of happiness for me anymore. It may have been at one point, but these days it doesn't add anything to the experience of creating things for me. It feels nicer to keep it to myself and maybe show it to a few close friends than to put it out into the world for the entire public to see.

All this to say, I am probably not going to be using this account to post things that I draw anymore. It's not a hard rule, maybe I'll end up posting doodles occasionally anyway, but I'm not really counting on it, it's just not something I feel like doing anymore. I do appreciate the attention any of my old art has gotten, and all of that stuff will still be left up, viewable through either the #addie's art or the #my art tags on this blog, but as for new drawings I make, I probably won't be posting those anywhere.

There is one art project I have that's been in limbo for a while that I would like to post on this site, but I'll probably be using a sideblog for that, I'd like to distance this blog from being one where you can expect art to be posted. For a few other art-adjacent project ideas I have, those will likely be hosted elsewhere on other websites, and I'll probably make posts directing towards them if possible/relevant. As for commissions, I initially only took them down to adjust some pricing and guidelines but given this new decision, I'm not sure if/when they're going to be re-opened. It seems like it'd be kind of hard to promote myself as able to provide commissions when I don't even post art lol. It's not like I really need to do them for money or anything either, so for right now it's safe to say they'll stay closed.

Despite the length and possibly serious-sounding tone of this post, this isn't something that's been eating away at me or anything, I'm doing alright. I just think it's a good idea to take the time to properly explain my reasoning and decision on this, since being an "art blog" has sort of been a big part of this blog's identity for a long time. I'm not sure what original content I'm going to use this blog for as a "replacement", I don't really want to promise or allude to anything actually because I'm not in a spot where I feel like having an account for a "thing" that I regularly make, whether it's art, game reviews, whatever.

This blog simply exists and that's all I really want for it right now.

[ourwrittenstories-arch]

○○Blog info~~

Info on my rules and muses for mobile under the read more

Side blog to @somexofusxarexhuman < Canon Stiles RP

Please remember this is an RP blog and not an Art blog, to see my art follow me here on twitter >>> ***CLICK***

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Anyone can reply, please don't let reblog amount scare you!

Rules::

Rule one

Please be patient with me. I’m either stupid fast at replying or I take a few days. If it seems I’ve forgotten you, though, send me an IM

Rule Two

That being said I will reply when I feel like. I will always tell you if I need to drop a thread, if I take long it doesn’t mean I’ve dropped it. If you need to drop it because I’m taking too long, let me know. I promise not to be mad.

Rule Three

I will not RP with anyone under the age of 18, even if the thread has no smut. I’m sorry, but no. This is an adult oriented blog. Heavy themes, along with smut, will be regularly posted in rp formal and/or in images.

Rule Four

I will not RP with anime/cartoon/game FC’s (There are exceptions like RE8 chars). I will also not RP with any deceased FC’s

Rule Five

As awesome as it would be to be bilingual, I only speak and know English.  Anything you see me post that is not English was brought to you by Google Translate.

Rule Six

I do not have a verse page, but that doesn’t mean I’m not open to AU’s. I LOVE AU’s. I’m a multi-ship multi-post blog and am trash for any and all AU’s. Just ask!

Rule Seven

I can write a lot in my replies (And a lot of it can be unnecessary detail) but don't feel pressured to match my length! Just, please, try to give me something more than two sentences to work with. I don't typically enjoy writing short replies, but I understand muses can be fickle things.

Rule Eight

I don't enjoy pregnancy threads or writing children so I, typically, will steer clear of those types of threads. If our muses have been in a long relationship (and we have been writing partners for a while as well) I may make an exception, but don't come in expecting babies. My girls all have IUD's unless stated otherwise. That being said I am 100% down with the breeding kink.

Rule Nine

If a muse has (unknown) somewhere in their age it means they are old old. Like 100+, so age can be changed if you are uncomfortable with age gap.

Rule Ten

I have a handful of chronic issues that effect my sleep and my mood so I'm up all hours of the day. I live in EST time zone, but I'm often up at 4AM so.....it's a gamble lol!

Rule Eleven

I have SEVERE ANXIETY and struggle messaging new people. IF I FOLLOWED YOU I WANT TO RP WITH YOU! I'm probably just figuring out how to message you without puking lol. I would appreciate the help, if you want, or you can wait until I gather the enrve.

Rule Twelve

My grammar isn't the best in the galaxy, ok? I over use comma's and never really figured out the semi-colon. If something is horribly wrong or you can't understand what I've written, just ask please.

Rule Thirteen

I will tag major triggers (ie; Snakes, Spiders etc) but I won't tag smut or NSFW unless it really needs it.

Rule Fourteen

If I have ever posted a meme please feel free to send one in even if it was a year ago! With that in mind, I do prefer introduction threads with new muns/characters if I am not familiar with them.

Rule Fifteen

Don't like my starters

Rule Sixteen

Don't God-Mod blah blah and Follow TOS k I love you <3 <3

Muses:

Girls:

Inessa Morea

Nicknames: Nessy, Nessa, Ness Age: Unknwon (25) DoB: May 11th Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Forest) Sexual Orientation: Bi-Curious Position: Sub (Potentially verse) Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: Flourist Personality: Sweet, Curious, Oblivious, Playful, Innocent, Devious Face Claim: Candice King ○

Cassia Poole-

Nicknames: Cass, Cassy Age: Unknown (19-24) DoB: November 3rd Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Water(mermaid)) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Sub Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: Student (Robotics and Marine bio-tech)/ Swim coach Personality:Innocent, Nerdy, Hyperactive, Bratty, Playful, Lame Face Claim: Jane Levy ○

 Amara Nyx

Nicknames: Marr Age: Unknown (32) DoB: Oct 13th Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Underworld) Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: None/ Sugar baby Personality: Smart ass, Rude, Bitchy, Judgmental, Hateful, Possessive, Affectionate Face Claim: Elizabeth Gillies ○

Laleh Narvaez

Nicknames: Lala Age: 25(600) DoB: Sept 4th Pronouns: She/Her Species:Lamia/Naga Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: Argentina Occupation: Dancer/Jack of all Trades for Freak Show/Snake Charmer(Circus) Personality:Sharp, Sultry, Flirtatious, Seductive, Venomous Face Claim: Eiza Gonzalez ○

Samira Eve

Nickname: Sam, Sammy, Mira Age: (Unknown) 20-23 DoB: June 2nd Pronouns: She/Her Species: Air Nymph Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Verse Romantic Orientation: Panromantic Hometown: Boston Occupation: Thief/Courier Personality: Sarcastic, Smooth, Sassy, Flighty, Unreliable, Persuasive, troublemaker FC: Elisha Applebaum

○

Maybelline New-York

Nicknames: May Age: 28 DoB:Sep 17 Pronouns: She/Her Species: Zombie Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Sub Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New Orleans Occupation: None Personality: Shy, Angry, Mute, Hungry, Sassy" Bio: Maybelline has no memory of her life before she had been murdered at the age of 23. Hell, she's not even certain that's her age. Her name came from reading a magazine ad when asked who she was after walking into morgue. Zombies had been a small pest problem for a while now, usually obvious in their appearance and traits, but something inside of May kept her from fully succumbing to the sickness. All she felt was hunger and, after begging the mortician to, promptly sewed her mouth shut and clipped her nails. Now she speaks in sign or with a chalkboard she carries around to communicate. After weeks of study, it was discovered that Maybelline had a tumor that had taken over the majority of her brain, blocking the strain from traveling and taking her over. Face Claim: Camila Mendes ○

Juniper Lee

Nicknames: June, Junie Age:29 DoB: Feb 16th Pronouns: She/Her Species:Witch Sexual Orientation: Straight Position: Submissive Romantic Orientation: Straight Hometown: Seoul until 5 then Massachusetts Occupation:Herbalist/Illusionist Personality:Soft spoken, Kind, Intelligent, Playful, Self Concious, Delicate, unsure Face Claim: Jamie Chung ○

 Barabelle Gunn

Nicknames: Belle, Belly, Bara Age:27 DoB: May 28th Pronouns: She/Her Species: Human Sexual Orientation: Straight Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Straight Hometown: Killin Scottland Occupation: Hunter (supernatural) / Mercenary Personality: Brash, Rude, Sarcastic, Bull Headed, Loyal, Protective Face Claim: Karen Gillan AU Verses-  Resident Evil 8 Verse ○ Leora Brandr Nicknames: Leo Age: Unknown (26) DoB: Dec 21st Pronouns: She/Her Species: Nymph (Fire) Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Versatile Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: Queens Occupation: Pilot/ Glass Blower Personality: Gentle, Kind, Shy, Short-Fused, Fiery, Passionate Face Claim: Daisy Ridley

Boys:

Carlyle Abrams

Nicknames: Lyle Age:32 DoB: April 16th Pronouns: He/Him Species:Human Sexual Orientation: Straight Position: Top/Dominant Romantic Orientation: Straight Hometown: London Occupation: Private Investigator Personality: Charming,Calm, Kind, Playful, Posessive, Warm Face Claim: Adam Driver ○

Maxwell Ardeleane Nicknames: Max Age: Unknown (31) DoB: January 8th Pronouns: He/Him Species: Elder Vampire Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Position: Top/Dominant Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: Bucharest Romania Occupation: Mob Boss Personality: Charming, Polite, Sarcastic,Dark, Cruel, Posessive." Face Claim: Tyler Hoechlin ○ Syrian Nyx

Nicknames: Syrian Age: Unknown(34) DoB: Oct 13th Pronouns: He/Him Species: Nymph (Underworld) (Alpha) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Top/Dominant Romantic Orientation: Demiromantic Hometown: New York Occupation: Bank CEO Personality:Charming, Egotistical, Posessive, Rude, Dark Humor Face Claim: Oliver Jackson-Cohen ○ Esben Hvit

Nicknames: Esben, Ben, Es Age: 27 DoB: Oct 20 Pronouns: He/Him Species: Were-Raven (Albino) Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Vesatile Romantic Orientation: Biromantic Hometown:Seattle Occupation: Famous Writer(Penned under Raven White) Personality:Cocky, Quiet, Shy, Rude, Snarky, Intelligent Face Claim: Lucky Blue Smith ○

Carter Higgins

Nicknames: Carter, Car Age: 24 DoB: June 12 Pronouns: He/Him Species: Human Sexual Orientation: Bisexual Position: Vesatile Romantic Orientation: Biromantic Hometown: Nashville Tenn Occupation: Street/Bar Musician Personality:Sweet, Friendly, Romantic, Goofy, Playful Face Claim: Cody Christian

----

Canon characters:

Peter Hale: Teen Wolf

Chris Argent: Teen Wolf

Tags:

#selfie;(name) - Photo’s of characters

(name)Starter- Starter for specific character

#wanted opposite - Wanted partner or character to rp with

more TBA

[roadtohappy]

Why I detransitioned

I mentioned it briefly in response to someone else’s post, but I believe this subject deserves a post of its own. It included the statement: “I detransitioned because my identity changed, and I don’t regret my transition”, to which I expressed how much it resonated with me - and here’s why.

I was, I am, and I always will be transgender. As a young girl, I developed gender dysphoria. To anyone who’s unfamiliar with what that means, gender dysphoria is a term used to describe the emotional pain and distress a person experiences when their biological sex and their self-perceived gender do not match - a body/brain incongruence, if you will.

When I came out of the closet and told my family and peers that I identified as male, I had already spent a considerable amount of time contemplating my situation. I questioned myself constantly, and doubted every answer. I did this prior to, and after coming out, and even during my social and medical transition. Not because I was unsure of myself, but because I needed to know if there was any chance that my gender dysphoria could’ve been caused by something other than simply being transgender. It was important for me to unveil and deal with any underlying issues that could’ve been linked to my gender-identity, because it’s better to find out early on and stop before you find yourself overwhelmed with regret later in life if it turns out that you were actually mistaken. I asked myself the same questions constantly; “Am I being influenced by my peers? Media? Online communities?” “Is my brain using this as a defense mechanism to mask childhood trauma?” “Am I using my trans identity to escape from my past/present problems?” “Do I have any undiagnosed psychiatric or medical conditions that could alter how I perceive myself?” “Can I learn to cope with my gender dysphoria without transitioning?” “Am I trying to mend the absence of my father and lack of male role models by becoming male myself?” “Do I have any unhealthy ideas of what it means to be a woman?” “Do I have enough strong female role models in my life?” “Am I simply not ready to become a woman yet? if so, why?”

-These are all questions you should never ever be afraid to ask yourself, no matter where you are in your transition - whether you’re in the closet or out. Early, mid or late-transition; it is never a bad time to discover yourself and make the best choices for yourself, wherever they may lead you. This is not at all meant to discourage anyone from transitioning, but rather inspire people to ask them self the right questions.

As I mentioned in my introduction-post; I started living as a boy at 15, meaning I wore boy’s clothes, and went by a male name and male pronouns. I started taking male hormones when I was 18. If you’re unfamiliar with what hormone therapy does for trans people, it essentially means that you’re taking hormones regularly to induce a second puberty in order to bring on characteristics of your identified gender. I’m now 21 years old and I had chest-masculinization surgery 8 months ago. I never wanted to go any further than hormones and top-surgery, as my dysphoria mainly revolved around my feminine voice and other minor characteristics, and my breasts. The further I progressed into my transition, my gender dysphoria decreased, as you’d expect. After having my top-surgery, I also no longer feel dysphoric about my chest. To my surprise, I now feel completely comfortable with my natural body, including my femininity.

Early 2020 when the lockdown started, I began to spend more time alone by myself, going on long nature walks and exploring my thoughts through art and creative activities as a way to “unlearn” some of the unhealthy masking-behaviors I’ve taught myself over the years, in order to fit in better among other people. (Very common coping mechanism in autistic people, apparently.) As I began this process of “un-masking” I made it my top-priority to stop caring so much about what other people think of me or how other people expect me to look, talk and act. My new mindset became something along the lines of “Okay, the way my brain is built means that I experience the world and process information differently from other people, which also means that my actions and feelings are based on a different set of experiences than other people. I will no longer measure my worth by my ability to blend in and be ‘normal’, and I will no longer apologize for being different.” And so began a whole new level of self-exploration. I played around with some of my old make-up, I started taking up fun activities that most people would deem feminine - and it didn’t make me feel dysphoric at all. In fact, I liked it. I was unapologetically leaning into my feminine side and it felt good, it felt right, it felt safe - an experience I was never able to have before I transitioned.

When the semester came to an end a few weeks ago, I found myself in a weird position. I now have two completely empty months ahead of me, I truly detest big changes like that. A solid everyday schedule sort of functions as a mental “anchor” for me. Because no matter what happens in my life, I know one thing for certain; I will go to sleep tonight, wake up in the morning, do my morning routine and get ready, get the bus at exactly 7:41AM and arrive at school 10-15 minutes later depending on the traffic. I then attend class and adhere to the school’s timetables for the next 6 hours. I get the bus home and change into my uniform, work for 5 hours, go home and do my homework, make dinner, do something fun or watch youtube, go to bed - and the cycle continues. These little “anchors” make me feel secure and grounded, they help me cope with a world that can feel chaotic and overwhelming at times. 

So last day of school arrives and I’m like “shit, what now?? One day I’m at school and suddenly there’s just *nothing* for two months?? Not only that, but I’ve just discovered that there’s a whole new side of me that I’m now free to explore since my gender dysphoria decided to evaporate into thin air.” Everything around me was changing, even myself - and that’s the moment when I decided that maybe it was time to give Testosterone a break. Whether temporary or permanently, doesn’t matter. It’s not like my body is going anywhere and I can always just resume hormone therapy again if I want to. But for now, it was time to just take a break, let go of everything and truly get to know myself. My transition is complete, and I am ready to continue this journey in a new direction. It’s been a month now, and I’m happy to say I’ve had a lot of fun just enjoying the time off and being my authentic self. I haven’t really told anyone I’m detransitioning. I’m just kinda doing my own thing, and if people want to run along with it and refer to be as female at some point then that’s their choice, I don’t really care to be honest. Name-wise, I might just jokingly suggest “Jane” when people ask, since it’s so similar to “Jake”.  I get weird looks from people when I’m out in public, because I’m starting to pass as female again, but my voice is unmistakably masculine - I like my voice though, so I don’t care what they think. If people ask why my voice is so deep, I just tell them the truth: “I am a woman, but my body was testosterone-dominant for 3 years, hence the voice.” Simple as, lol. Not only that, but I am a whole, grown ass adult, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.

On the topic of irreversible changes, there is one important thing that I cannot stress enough; My decision to detransition does not come from a place of regret, I have loved and cherished every step of this process. I’ve heard a lot of people say this about detransitioners but I don’t have “reverse-dysphoria”, why would I?  Man or woman, I love myself and my body regardless. I absolutely needed to transition from female to male in order to be happy, I could not have attained this level of happiness otherwise. I would not have been able to accept or even come to terms with my femininity if I hadn’t transitioned. I’m still on the same journey as before, I simply took a new path.

Anyway, I best end this wall of text because it’s 3:00AM and I’m going on a 9km hike with a friend in the morning, I can’t waiiiitttt!

[5uptic]

i hope you never stress out about this blog because at the end of the day it’s just fan content and if these people really wanted it that badly they’d make their own. if a fan blog turns into a chore you’re not going to enjoy even the content on its own anymore. take care of yourself ❤️

with that being said, with as much views as they did/still get, why do you think there’s so little fan content? i don’t even see that much demand for it which is so bizarre because they have such unique personalities/dynamics you’d think people would be eating it up (not to say that there isn’t a good amount, just not as much as one would expect)

this is excluding stuff like art contests for obvious reasons lol

well, thanks, anon! <3 if i feel any pressure while being in this blog, is because i myself have been in situations where i send asks to slightly more popular blogs lol and it feels bad to get ignored. while i don't want others to feel like that, it's also tiring to see an ask worded exactly like a regular textpost and be like: "what do i reply? what can i even say to this? do i go out of my way to use the little free time i have to search for the content and include it? do i ignore it and make the person who sent the ask feel bad?". before i made my own blogs and posts it hurt to hear more popular blogs say "ya know... you can MAKE posts yourself right?", but now i see that it's always the better option. it's just... sometimes annoying that people don't get it. especially when i think that people went out of their way to send me asks about something and i can't find any way to let them know i see them and appreciate it. it's BLEGH. like i'm just another fan why do i even feel like this LOL but anyways...

about the fandom thing... well. i think a lot of people have this perception that the crewfu is like, as well-known as other streamer groups, but i completely digress. if i compare it to mcyt, for example, it's a completely different audience. most of the people in the crewfu are on their late 20s/early 30s and not only they come from very different backgrounds (steve had sp7, hafu streamed hearthstone, dk with fortnite, dumbdog was in a different group of people, etc) but also in some way, they've already passed their "prime". like, i don't think steve is nowhere near as popular as he was during sp7, hafu used to get thousands of viewers daily, etc. which you know, it's totally fine, but it means that at the end of the day these are a bunch of not-so-well-known streamers, who haven't even had this group for more than a year, and don't even play together that regularly anymore. in a sense, you could also say the crewfu has had their prime, although i think their irl streams will do wonders for them.

personally, i see the crewfu more like a newer, more disperse otv. bc otv has been going around for quite a long time, and they don't only room together as friends having a fun time together. they really care about the business side of things and it's necessary to keep the group alive and the content flowing. the crewfu, on the other hand, are simply people who found each other and a new audience to please and want to keep that for as long as they can. even comparatively, i don't really think otv is THAT famous, and the fan content isn't that preeminent either, especially if we go back to mcyt and their fandoms. so to me it's easy to understand why the crewfu hasn't taken off quite yet - and probably they never really will, sadly. and well, the less people on fandom, the less content there is for it.

also, coming from a person who's been in a lot of irl fandoms with primarily young female audiences, i have to say this: audiences like that are drawn to mlm pairings. and... that's how it is and has always been. and i see a huge difference between the friendships and dynamics between adults on their late 20s/early 30s, vs the chaotic interactions that happen within male friends on their early 20s. like i don't think i have to explain how young male friendships work to you LOL if you've ever been in highschool, you should know. and these are the dynamics that capture people's attention, and not only make them stop for a second and think "aww, that's sweet", but make them go "holy shit i HAVE to make content about this." and that's not really something that happens in the crewfu because, again, most of these people are already dating/engaged/married, and if not they're adults who have adult-like friendships with each other (if that even makes any sense lmao). and because the more popular pairings like 5up/steve and steve/dumbdog don't really capitalize on this aspect of their dynamics (and why would they?) there's not really a call to action from fandom to make content around these dynamics. and this is also the reason why i think mcyt have such a good reach and an active audience. they have both the formula to get a big audience AND a bunch of fun friendship dynamics.

(i will specify, this is not to say that mcyt are "queerbaiting" their audience or whatever. those claims are 100% bullshit as 1) real people can't queerbait because there's not really a defined way to be queer or straight, and they don't owe you a coming out for you to feel satisfied, and 2) these are literally ordinary male friendships. nothing else.)

[franeridart]

Anon said: Hey!! I wanna ask, how do you feel about the ship Rap//Gum (rappa and fatgum) and would you consider drawing or talking about them? They’re such a rare pair and I love their dynamic so much!

I don’t mind it, but I can’t say I’m invested enough to ever make something with it ngl T-T sorry!

Anon said: Heya! I was just looking through your art and I absolutely adore it! I was wondering, have you ever drawn Toga before?

Thank you!! And I haven’t, and probably won’t in the future either!

Anon said: I love your art! Keep going! Also, i love very much your Bokuroo art!! You're the best!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! You keep going too, anon!!!!!

Anon said: MY STICKERS CAME!! I really wish Redbubble gave artists more for the stuff they sell there, because I love buying your stuff, when I can, but it feels like I'm ripping you off, because you get so little for everything. But, I love the stickers I got! I finally got Octopus Team, and Tamaki, which I've been wanting for AGES.i have no clue where I'll stick them, so I'll probably pin then to my wall, until I figure something out lol Stay sweet. ✌💜

AHHHHHHHH I’m so glad you like them!!!!!!!! And thank you so so much for the feeling and concern, but considering how they make them and ship them I feel like the amount I get isn’t too bad! I could technically earn more from them, but that’d raise the price more than I’d be comfortable with..........haha

Anon said: I will say this absolutely with no hesitation, I love your art style so much.

GOSH thank you so much!!!

Anon said: I'm absolutely in love with your art, it's so pretty, especially the way you draw Kirishima!

Thank you!!!!! He’s a lot of fun to draw so I’m glad you like him!!!! <3

Anon said: Your most resent piece (the blood cape Kiri) is MMMMM SO DELICIOUS!!! That boy can WORK IT!! Also,,,,,, I’m probably the only one that saw this, but the design in the blood cape looks like two abstract Iidas screaming at each other....... sorry I’m weird and that’s the second thing I noticed..... and sorry cuz this isn’t really an ask but YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW GOOOODDD THAT PIECE IS!!!! (It’s perrrrrrrfecccttt)

I!!!!!!!!!! can’t say I see it sorry!!!!!! But I’m super happy to hear you liked it, thank you so much!!!!!! <3

Anon said: Hiya!!! I really love ur art and the way you draw characters, so I wanted to ask you a question. :00 do you break down bodies into basic shapes when you draw?? If so, what're some general shapes you use for the torso??

To be fair it’s sort of random and based on the character I have to draw/the pose/ what they’re wearing haha...........don’t be like me this is why my anatomy is often questionable - if I had to give you a model tho, do you know those wooden models for artists? the very basic ones you can get for cheap anywhere, I mostly break up my bodies following the way it’s broken down on those lil dudes!

Anon said: Hnnnhhhgggg Garo is a sexy man and me.exe has stopped working

tbh that’s!!!! a big!!!!!!!!!! Mood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love my kaiju boy

Anon said: I really dislike BNHA, I think it's boring. Your art however? It's wonderful. I love your comics because they're so funny and sweet, they always make me smile when I see them. Your lineart is also really curved and soft looking, like it's made out of friendship. Thank you for sharing your art, it makes me and others so happy!

Glad I can make you enjoy something you usually don’t like, anon! <3 thank you!!

Anon said: I sooo wish manga Bakugo was like yours ç_ç By which I do not mean that yours is out of character, just that you depict his more human side and draw BEAUTIFUL scenes of him interacting with others as his peers rather than them being just props for him... and, well, your KiriBaku slays me and I love you for all of it

To be fair I like manga Bakugou better than my own haha I find him deeper, but that’s to be expected from one of my favorite characters after all! I’m glad you like mine that much, tho! Thank you!

Anon said: In one of your comics you reference Sharkboy and Lavagirl, right? Did you see the film in the theaters? You might be the only other Italian I know who has XD

I didn’t !!!!! sadly it took me reaching my twenties before I started regularly going to the movies and I was a kid when sb&lg came out ;;;;;; *sad violin music*

Anon said: BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award, you're supposed to paste it in the ask of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out! 💞

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! <3<3

Anon said: Is there any ships that make you uncomfortable or you just don’t agree with?

Oh there’s a lot, I can be extremely peculiar with what I ship and what I don’t! I try to keep my mind and my dash/tl as empty of those ships as I can tho uwu *whispers* self-care

[purplesurveys]

907

Are you one of those lucky people to own a walk-in closet? lol lucky people. No I don’t have one of those. Is there a random object you own that has a huge personal significance? Well it’s more significant today because we had our virtual graduation this morning... so I’ll go with my graduation sash. Ever since I started university I’ve always wanted to wear my own sash in a physical ceremony so again, it sucks that our batch got affected by the pandemic. Do you use Google? For just about everything, yeah. Would you like to go swimming right now? That would be soooooo so nice. I’ve been going through old vacation photos and I really miss the beach. Can you play electric guitar? Nope.

Do you have an HDTV? My parents do. When was the last time you drank something through a straw? Around a month ago when my dad bought milk teas for me and my sister. Have you ever tried to teach yourself a different language? I didn’t teach myself per se, but I have tried my hand learning Spanish on Duolingo several times. It always comes in phases – I get passionate about learning and use the app for weeks, then it kinda burns out after a while. Right now I haven’t used it since I got sick in May. How long was your last phone call? A little longer than an hour, I think. It was pure silence though; we just wanted to hear each other’s surroundings. Do you need to repaint your nails? No, I never get it painted. Has there ever been a horoscope that came true for you? Psh. Are you a fan of industrial metal? Holy shit I feel so stupid right now. I thought this was referring to a literal kind of metal and I thought, that is such an odd thing to be a fan of...Google quickly taught me that it is in fact NOT a material for building infrastructure jdsskfjskf. Anyway, no I am not a fan. Are you one of those people who chew two pieces of gum, not one? Yeah, occasionally. I don’t like how one piece loses flavor all too quickly so I go ahead and pop two in. Do you have a wall calendar? Not since 2008. We only had a wall calendar in our old house; when we moved here we started to rely on digital clocks and our phones to tell the time. Have you ever taken the pictures from a calendar and used them as posters? I haven’t had a calendar like that, so no. I’ve done this with magazines though. Can you handle the cold? Hahaha no, I can’t. I was already in so much pain in 20ºC weather in Sagada, and I fared much worse in 12ºC Japan weather. I would still pick living in a colder climate in a heartbeat over a tropical one, though. Have you ever been to Canada? Nope.  Do you believe in superstitions? Just one superstition involving my university that doubles as an inside joke, so it’s not like I take it 100% seriously. It’s a generations-old joke that’s impossible to ignore if you’re a student, so I just jumped in. When was the last time you took a taxi somewhere? It was from the airport to back home, but I forgot where we landed from. Bohol I think? Palawan? I don’t even know anymore. It was so inconvenient I begged my dad that we stop using taxis as transportation for our future trips. Would you ever join the army, airforce or navy? No. How old is the person you last kissed? 22. Is there a friend that you can always rely on to get you out of a jam? I don’t think so. When it comes down to it they all have their own different things going on and I can’t just call them whenever and expect them to come to me, and that’s okay. Generally though, I think my most reliable friends are probably Andrew and Angela. What was the most embarassing thing you've had to buy? I’ve never felt embarrassed by anything I had to buy, but it can get a little uncomfortable trying to buy napkins when my dress or pants are already soaked. I get over it quickly though, since menstruations are normal lol. Have you ever tried to balance the light switch between off and on? When I was a kid. I haven’t tried it in a while. Do you believe in ghosts / supernatural occurences? They’re fun to think about, sure, and I do enjoy watching the supernatural episodes of Buzzfeed Unsolved where they go ghost-hunting. I like to think that they somehow exist, but I still also very much maintain my skepticism at all times. Have you ever mistaken a person's gender? I’ve used the wrong pronouns accidentally but I always correct myself and apologize once I’ve noticed my blunder. What was the most expensive thing you've broken? My old iPhones. I’ve also sported a few dents on my car, but I wouldn’t say I broke the car. Has anyone texted you yet today? Not text, but online chat. We had our virtual graduation this morning so my inbox was swamped with congratulatory messages and such. Did you stay calm during the whole swine flu scare? I did, but I mean I was 11 and had no clue how serious it was supposed to be. I remember cheering when they suspended classes for a week because of a local swine flu case, so yep – still ignorant back then. Is there a light on in the room you're currently in? There is, but it isn’t turned on. Are your feet touching the floor? Nope, they’re on the bed. Have you ever been in a car accident? Mild ones, nothing too life-threatening. Do you usually make back-up plans? Yeah man I’m so anxious I always have at least plans A-C lined up in my head and ready to go whenever necessary. Can you focus well in high-stress situations? Usually. Without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes? I do. I get compliments on it all the time too. I didn’t realize it was apparently a nice feature to have until more and more people pointed it out haha. Is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger? Yeah I have a playlist that’s lined up with all of my favorite loud, angry punk rock music specifically for when I’m pissed off. Are you one of those people who keep their feelings bottled up? I can, particularly whenever I feel like it’s not worth it to blow up. Is one of your friends extremely odd but you love them regardless? Not really. Aya’s pretty weird but I wouldn’t call her extremely odd. Is there anyone you dread going into public with? My mom when she’s mad. Are you a victim of writing run-on sentences? For the most part, I wouldn’t say so. If I write a run-on sentence it’s almost always in an informal setting where I’m more loose with punctuation, like if I’m chatting on IM or writing an answer on here. Still, I try to avoid them and I never do it in a formal situation. Graffiti: an art or an act of vandalism? They can be both. Some people who genuinely just want to fuck around vandalize, like how I’ve seen “Mark <3 Erica” in spray paint on public walls or some similar shit lol. But a lot of graffiti are art as well; many have important messages or symbolisms to say. Do you buy things online? I’ve done it a few times. Not regularly. I like being able to see and touch something before buying it. Are you easily frightened? I definitely am but at the same time I’m really into horror movies and serial killers and a ghost-hunting series? Hahaha it’s weird. I guess I enjoy the thrill that comes with having those interests. Do you have a favorite model? Over the years I’ve loved Elizabeth Jane Bishop, Kiko Mizuhara, Taylor Marie Hill, Gigi Hadid, Bella Hadid, and (controversial pick!) Kendall Jenner. Have you ever watched Titanic? So many times. Honestly, one of my favorites. What's your current facebook display picture of? It’s my official graduation photo wearing my graduation sash! :) I finally changed it last Friday after I got the email saying I’m on the list of graduates. How about your IM display picture? My main IM is my Messenger, which also uses my Facebook photo. Is there anyone whose hair you envy? Gabie’s for one. Hers is really smooth and silky and wavy. Would you act in a movie if it offered a role? If I was going to be a mostly unseen extra in a blockbuster film and still be paid like $600 for it, then I don’t see why I wouldn’t take it. Does speaking in front of people make you nervous? Only if there’s going to be an unscripted aspect to it that’ll make me have to come up with answers on the spot, like miting de avances or thesis defense. If I have a script or even just a general gist of what I want to say, I have no problem improvising and speaking in front of a crowd. Can you read in a moving vehicle or does it make you sick? It makes me sick but it hasn’t stopped me before. Have you ever dated someone who was extremely shy? I’m the extremely shy person... Or have you dated someone who took things too fast? I felt that way with Gab at first when she wanted to have sex like two months after we started dating, though I was scared mainly because it was going to be my first time and I wanted to make sure I was comfortable. Now that I’m a little older, two months seems like a healthy amount of time. Does the idea of driving 220 mph sound exciting to you? Sounds terrifying. It could be fun, but only if we’re in the middle of nowhere where there’s loads of space to go that fast and no chance of crashing. Everyone has a weakness, what's yours? Food. Do you or anyone you know have an account on Deviantart? I had classmates in high school who had accounts but I’m not sure if they still have it, or if Deviantart is even still as active as I knew it to be. Thoughts on the Dunkin Donut commercial that says "America runs on Dunkin'"?  It’s a creative slogan but if I was American I wouldn’t want a doughnut place claiming to represent my country. It cute though. Do you bother buying movies on DVD anymore or do you just download them? I watch them on Netflix, which is still technically like buying them since we pay for the subscription anyway. Do you listen to Daughtry? No. Do you get your eyebrows waxed? I don’t. Waxing looks so painful to me. How do you take your coffee? Lots of creamer or milk, a little sugar. I like trying out different coffees, but when I’m simply relaxing I do want my coffee as least bitter as possible.  If you have a dog, what breed is it? I have an aspin mix, though we never figured out what Kimi’s other half is. And I also have a beagle. Have you found someone who makes you unconditionally happy? I don’t know if 'unconditionally’ is possible but yes, I do have people who make me very happy. Do you have a friend who always seems to be dying their hair? Not anymore. Jo used to dye her hair like every month though and she must have been able to go through the entire rainbow. She looked sooo good in each of the colors. Would you swap names with a friend? I love all their names but I don’t see why that would be necessary. Do you plan on going to university? I did. I graduated today. Guys who wear muscle shirts, yes or no? Idk man, they can wear whatever they want. Are you a fan of Carrie Underwood? No. I liked some of her singles when I was younger, but I’m not a fan in that I have her albums and know her lesser-known songs. Do you make playlists on iTunes? I used to, when I still used iTunes. I make playlists on Spotify now. Have you ever forgotten someone's birthday? I don’t think so. Are you scared of being left behind? Yessir. I’m super competitive, so I hate the feeling. Do you remember your last dream? No. I’m really bad at remembering them unless they’re nightmares or insanely strange. I do know that I dreamt while we were watching mass earlier on the television though, hahaha. Do you know someone who is an obsessed Star Wars fan? So many people in my circle are. Is politics something you don't care about? No. If there’s anything I give tons of fucks about, it’s that. What's a movie/tvshow/book/series that is way overrated? I’ll go with the first things I thought of...in that order: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before; Stranger Things (it’s good, but not as good as people hyped it to be); I don’t really read anymore; and what do you mean by series? Just realized I only gave 2 out of 4 answers lol oh well. Do you think Barbie presents an unhealthy image to young girls? I don’t like how its physical features are still unrealistic; but I appreciate their attempts at diversity. I can’t say it was upsetting seeing a Filipino-themed Barbie :) Is there a pet that you desperately want? All I ever wanted were dogs, and now I’ve got two of them. Would you ever get your bellybutton pierced? Nope. Are you musically talented? Hahahahaha Have you ever shot a gun? Not a real one, so no. Athenna’s dad had this practice gun he used for target practice (duh) and I messed with that a few times. Do you have a friend that always changes their mind last second? That’s Gabie. She’s lucky she’s my girlfriend and that I love her, because it’s actually a big pet peeve of mine. Are you not afraid to voice your opinion? Yup. The only time I don’t say it out loud is if it’s unnecessary and if it’s going to be simply disrespectful. An example would be when my uncle offered to make me a carrot cake for my grad gift, and I just said yes because it was already generous enough for him to offer me a free cake when he runs a food business. In reality it’s not my favorite cake at all; it wouldn’t even be in my top 20. Are you one of those people who are always pushing their limits? Yes, I definitely overwork myself to the point of exhaustion and burnout. But I honestly prefer doing things and being busy than sitting around. Is there a word that you will always find humorous? Bubbling. Because Drake and Josh.

Do you frown upon immature people? Typically. Have you ever slipped on ice and hurt yourself? This may have happened to me once or twice when I was still regularly visiting the ice skating rink at the mall. People were always super nice and helped me get up, though. Do you try to have an intimidating impression? I don’t try. Apparently it’s naturally the vibe I give off. Living in the big city or chilling in the country? BIG CITY. Always the big city. I’ve gone to the country/province so many times; I already know what it’s like there. I’ll always prefer a noisy city. No one seems to obey the legal drinking age, do they? Hahahaha a lot seem not to. I know so many high school kids who’ve had a drink before turning 18. Do you like your country's flag? Sure. I like that we can switch up the colors depending on if we’re at war or not. Have you ever made a totally amazing snow fort? I’ve never even seen snow before. Do you use Bounty Paper Towels? No. Are you the one usually behind the camera or the one in the picture? BEHIND If you get married, will you have a traditional wedding? Traditional, yes. Religious, no. Do you feel you’re slowly losing one of your friends? No. But now that I’m no longer in school, I really hope I’ll continue to be friends with my orgmates. I’ll certainly keep in touch as much as I can. If you draw, what's one thing you always have trouble with? Everything about it. Is there someone you know moving away any time soon? No. I do know my friend’s sister had already moved and started her new job in California, but when the pandemic started she had to go back here. This virus is just ruining so many great things for everyone, man... Allergic to anything? Nope. How many cars have you owned? Zero. I drive one; can’t say I own it because my parents bought it. What are you going to do after this? Maybe take another survey.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #259

"i went straight to heaven, but i kept on knockin’.”

What's something that makes you feel more creative? Music. What are the last three nail polish colors you wore? Wow, idk the last time I wore nail polish, but probably black or maroon. What's the last thing you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. Do you watch youtube videos or tv shows more? YouTube is essentially my TV. Quite literally - I don't have a television in my room because I never watch it. What's a DIY project that you don't think actually works? Oh dude, plenty. I have DIY-obsessed friends online as well as a Pinterest, I know this shit, lmao. I can name one though with total certainty because I was with a friend when she tried that disgusting "YOU CAN MAKE cuPCAkES IN A C uP!!!!!" crap. It's the most eggy shit you'll ever try. Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? No, but I think those crafts are generally super cute. Have you ever gotten rid of something and then regretted it? If so, what? (or what's one thing?) Oh yeah, one of my biggest being my senior prom pictures, but not for the reason you'd expect (save for two pictures of us that're just REALLY fuckin cute): I want them back because goddamn I was pretty ok and I miss that now that I hate my body every waking moment of every day. :^) What color is the zip-up hoodie you wear the most? Don't have one w/ a zipper, they're ugly. Do you live in an apartment that has inspections? No. Do you hate taking naps during the day? Nooo I love naps and usually take one a day. I tend to feel really tired all over again a few hours or so after I wake up. Who in your immediate family has the best natural hair? MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Would you ever audition for American Idol? Hell no. Do you know anyone who thinks they're more talented than they are? Lol wow, this is mean. I don't think so. Do you buy gum? Rarely, even though I like it. What's your favorite dollar store?  I don’t have a favorite, I'd say? But I think we normally go to Dollar General. How many cell phones have you had in your lifetime? Maybe like, six? Have you ever been inside a Victorian mansion? BITCH I WISH!!!!!!!!!!!! I would kill to get married in one, omfGGGGGGGGGGG. What was the most boring field trip you ever want on? I don't remember a bad one. I loved going on field trips. The last time you went, what were your favorite rides at Cedar Point? I’ve never been. Which country would you most like to visit? Eeeeek idk, but probably South Africa. What are your favorite types of videos to watch on YouTube? What I watch on YouTube has become pretty diverse, but I know my favorites are easily Mark's actual big projects w/ egos 'n shit alksjdflk;w gOOD SHIT MY FRIENDS. I still love let's plays, of course! Are you a hoarder? No. Is there a guy (or girl) that you wish things had worked out with? Yes. If you were to start a collection, what would it be? I'd loooove Shadow of the Colossus stuff, particularly the amazing figures they used to have only in Japan. And World of Warcraft stuff; all I have rn is an Illidan poster and a fae dragon plushy hanging from my ceiling that Jason got me. If you were rich, what things would you get done cosmetically? Mother of god, a lot. #1, make me skinny again for the love of fuck. Which would result in loose skin being taken off and probably a breast lift because being overweight ruined my comfort with them laskdjfw. Whiten my teeth and give me laser hair removal surgery on my legs, please. Are your parents too controlling? Not at all. Who is your favorite fictitious redhead? VOL'JIN Blizzard what the FUCK give him BACK What shows have you seen on Broadway? None. Who is the prettiest Asian YouTuber that you can think of? Bitch Mark is Korean and he's gorgeous as fuck goddamn it ain't fair. But this is a weird question. What is the best news you've heard lately? When my mom got a follow-up blood test, things looked good!! She especially needed to level out her sugar, which she did well on. She also didn't lose or gain any weight, so that's wonderful. Have you ever flown first class? Hunny I am v poor. Have you ever had food SO bad in a restaurant that you sent it back? I don't believe so, anyway. Do you talk in your sleep? Very regularly now. Have you ever locked yourself out of your house? OOF, yes. Are you the type of person who can shake insults off easily, or do they tend to stick around in your brain & bother you? They stick with me for a long, long time. At least two I remember from years upon years ago. Who was the last person you cut out of your life intentionally? My old therapist that I trusted and loved when I fucking shouldn't have. Where were you raised? By who? Eastern NC, by my parents. What were your first words? "Dada." What were some of your favorite things when you were young? DINOSAURS, Webkinz, Pokemon, and Spyro, to name a few. What did you grow up listening to? Mostly country and pop music. What games did you play in the past? Spyro was my obsession, and I also loved hunting games (ironic, as irl I would never even consider it???) as well as fishing ones, plus Crash Bandicoot. What was the best birthday party you ever had? I'm not sure. How about the best vacation? I'm unsure; I haven't really been on a lot. Do you have any secrets you never intend to tell? Yup. What memory would you like to disappear from your mind forever? A nightmare I had about my dad. If you were someone else, would you be friends with the person you are now? Yeah. Do you consider yourself a smart person? No. What friend in your life has been the greatest influence to you? I don't know. Where is the scariest place you’ve ever been? What made it so terrifying? I shared a bedroom with an EXTREMELY volatile, violent woman once in the mental hospital. As in she had to go in solitary when she had a violent episode, during which she became very destructive to her surroundings, so as you could guess, I was worried about my own wellbeing. She was eventually moved because I was that uncomfortable. Did you celebrate Easter? Are there any holidays you are more inclined to celebrate than others? If so, which? Well, Easter hasn't come yet, but we'll probably go to my sister's house for the kids. We'll celebrate Christmas and Thanksgiving without fail. We don't pay much attention to others. I'd LOVE to do something for Halloween, we just never have anywhere to go/anything to do. What was the last thing you deleted? Pictures. What colors make up the majority of your wardrobe? Is there any color you like, but don’t wear often? There's black there. Oh, there's s'more black. What's that???? More bLACK????? MAN, I wish I could pull off pink. When was the last time you were in any amount of pain? I had a pretty intense headache yesterday. Who was the last person to hug you? Do you hug this person often? My niece, and yeah, every time I visit. What are you most likely to argue or debate about? The fact I almost never leave my pajamas lmao. What was the last show you watched? Have you seen it before, or is it something you’re watching for the first time? A few days back, I was reeeaaally bored and actually watched TV deliberately, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????? It was The Witcher; wasn't bad. I'd be willing to watch more. How would you describe your taste in clothing? What would a dream outfit look like to you? uuuuuggggGHHHHHHHH let me be GOTH. Give me a corsette if they weren't notoriously uncomf with plenty of chains 'n stuff. BIG, SPIKY BOOTS. SKINNY LEATHER PANTS. UUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH. Have you ever tried snowboarding? No. What’s your favorite planet besides Earth? Saturn is dope. Would you ever be a coach for any sport? Nope. What color of eyes do you have? Blue. Do you like tacos? NOOOOOOOOO. White or red wine? Wine is gross. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Foxes. What’s the youngest you would consider dating? No younger than 21. Do you think suits are sexy? mmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Were you a fan of Michael Jackson before he died? I was never really a fan. Respected him immensely as a musician, I just didn't care much about his music. Turkey or ham for Thanksgiving? Ham. Turkey is always too dry and stringy. Do you look good in hats? I wouldn't know, I haven't worn one in forever. Never with short hair. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face's eyes? Colons. Do you like architecture? If so, do you have a favourite style or structure that you’d like to make note? Yes, and I should really have an answer for this, as architecture was a big part in Art History... Ummm Etruscan stands out, and of course Roman/Greek (even after the class I don't remember their differences well...). I love Middle Eastern architecture, too. What is one of your favorite words, in any language, and why? I just love the sound of "serendipity," as well as uhhhh "sakura" in Japanese and "kanji" in Chinese. I'm trying to think of a German one, as there certainly are some, but they're evading me right now. Where is the farthest you’ve travelled on foot? JESUS FUCK probably going to get Sara's brother from school, mother of all that is holy. But it might just feel like it because it was during the peak of my muscle atrophy in my legs. Are there any songs that you perhaps like but avoid because it makes you sad when heard? A good number. Do you like the area that you live in? What do you like or dislike about the area? NO. There's not shit to do and it's not aesthetically pleasing at all. Do you have a memory of when you really thought that you have lucked out on something? If so, what was it? Uhhhhh. A handful, I guess? Oh, uh, the suicide attempt to name one and probably the biggest. I took way too many of those pills to experience almost zero symptoms of an overdose; I did look up what "too many" was, because I wanted that. I'd say I was pretty fuckin lucky. If you have apps on your mobile phone, which one do you use the most? Facebook. Which do you like better: fantasy or science fiction novels? Why? FANTASY!!! I think it allows more creativity and possibilities of something magically "making sense" because yeah, it's fantasy. Science fiction has more "realness" to it, more, obviously, scientific elements versus make-believe. Do you like opossums? Do you think it is ethically right for others to keep opossums as pets? OPOSSUMS!!!!!!!!! ARE!!!!!!!!!! FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They're my second-favorite animals kdsja;lkdjaw. BUT ANYWAY, no, unless it's for rescue reasons. When was the last time someone asked you a huge favor or advice? Do you get asked often by this person? Oh I have no idea. Probably my mom? And no, definitely not. She hates asking for help. What are your thoughts on nihilism? I definitely get it, but it's not my personal outlook. Do you like the snow? More like love. What are your thoughts and feelings towards work/jobs in general? I don't know? I've never even had a real, steady job, so it's hard to really answer... I've only had bad experiences. It's kinda weird to me how you have to work your ass off (usually) to get a job you enjoy, as well as slave for some stupid green paper until the day you die just to stay alive and healthy. But at the same time, it offers a sense of fulfilment and is as well something productive and beneficial to the masses to do. Civilization would be very, very different and unadvanced if we were without them, so I guess it is a necessary thing. Humans gotta work together to keep where we're at. Do you believe in astrology? I've never actually elaborated why I don't believe in it so there ya go: not in the slightest. All it does is offer extremely broad characteristics that, in some light, almost anyone can relate to so they feel included in something. We naturally want to "belong" within something as social creatures, and astrology is an easy one with it being so vast. It gives equally indirect advice that can be applied to a multitude of situations, so people just mold what they read to fit their world. Don't base your goddamn life choices on the random positioning of shit in space. What is something that you’ve made/created? Do you take pride in your creations? Well, way way way too many OCs that I do indeed love a hell of a lot. If you have a Tumblr account, do you have any followers that you wish would not follow you? Well I'm sure there are bots. What kind of books do you generally enjoy to read? Fantasy stuff, mostly. But I also love novels with deep meaning, particularly about life in general. A good plot is mandatory. Does the quality of a video, on YouTube or a television, matter to you? I mean of course in some situations, like if I'm watching something educational/something to gain visual knowledge from. What is one situation that may cause you to become shy (if there is any)? Don't don't don't don't don't point out that my serious interests/things I massively love are "weird" like it's been years and I can still barely explain why my biggest tattoo is a tribute to some fuckface on the Internet lmao. When one is depressed, what can a friend do about it? Do you find that there is a good method to approach people in helping them combat depression? It is SO important to, first, ask them what they want. Do they want advice, an ear to just listen, just your presence, to be alone? As for combating depression, that greatly depends on the origin (if any) of theirs. There are so many factors in answering this question, but what I mentioned should, imo, always be the start. Do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? Is it a little bit of both? Definitely both. When I'm sad though, I'm almost definitely listening to somber music too. Do you find yourself to be generally a forgiving person? I'm too goddamn forgiving. Do you have an embarrassing memory that you now look back at and can laugh? If so and if you’re comfortable, could you share one here? Omg I have a Bible-length collection of those suckers. I'd prefer not to. What is one skill that you have worked hard to develop? Is there still room for improvement on that skill? Damn, anxiety-coping mechanisms and actually trusting them to help me through attacks. I used to be convinced that they were useless because it just wouldn't work and weren't immediately effective, but you've gooooooot to trust the process, friends. What do you consider to be your main passion(s) and how did they come about? Spreading awareness of the seriousness of mental health and the comfort of knowing there's hope. You can never stop pushing. My own experience with mental health struggles is definitely the deeeep roots of that. Who do you think influenced you the most in your life so far? Why? Jason changed my life in many ways. Trauma does that. He taught me a lot about the necessity of having faith in yourself to survive on your own, a shitload about love and how it's not some fairy tale, and that people change, even those you least expect to. What is something that you have overheard people talk about that really bothered you? I could name more than a few things about race stuff, living where I do. What do you normally say or how do you normally act in response to a compliment? I usually do this shy laugh and say "thank you" with too much enthusiasm. How many books do you own? Do you have more physical books than electronic books? I've no clue where a lot of my old ones are. I have no electronic ones; I strongly prefer to read a physical book. What are your thoughts on higher education? Is it really necessary? In your opinion, what changes can be made? Depending on your aspiring career, it can be necessary, but just as easily, it can be unnecessary. I know for a fucking fact it should not be NEARLY as expensive as it is. Maybe even free, but I have no idea what monetary concerns that could cause with whoever runs the place. Have you ever received a heartfelt compliment from a stranger? Probably at some point. How many people would you consider to be extremely close to you? "Extremely"... like three lmao. Maybe one more or so. When was the last time you had to speak to a crowd? How well did that go? When I was taking pictures at a wedding last. It went okay. How would you describe your general outlook towards humanity? We by no means deserve to be the apex predator and Earth would be a shitload better without us. How long do you think you could last without any contact with your significant other, best friend, or a person whom you consider would be the closest to you? I'll use my mom here, in which case idk. I don't particularly want to find out. I talk to her at LEAST by text daily. Every day now that she can't work/is always home with me. Have you ever realised that someone was lying, but it was too late to confront them? Nope. Eventually speaking up is how I lost her, but.

[violetiris-ak]

I got tagged by @weirdnproudofit​. Guess you all get to learn a little bit more about me than my obsession with Dragon Age, Reylo, Realm of the Elderlings and writing.

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better and answer the questions. I’ll probably won’t tag as many though cause I don’t wanna spam half my followers. 

Relationship status: Single.

Favorite Color: Purple usually, though I can be swayed by pretty shade of just about anything. 

Top 3 ships: Oh, now this is going to be hard. Like, super, super hard. So I’m gonna cheat again.

I guess I’ll start with one of the easiest: Ereri/Riren, Eren/Levi from Attack on Titan. I know canonically it’ll never be thing and I’m totally fine with that. Romance of any kind isn’t really much of a thing in the anime and manga, besides the sort of hinted at relationship between Ymir and Christa which I also ship, but the fanfic, fan art, and just fandom related content around this ship has just been incredible.  I came to it during the early days of the anime’s airing in 2013 and never left. I am so blown away and moved by it to this day. So much laughter and smiles and delicious angst and swoon worthy content. Seriously, some of the fanfics for this pairing were so addictive and impressive and also just warm and comforting. And from some of them, I even learned about myself like in the way the best of books do. I’m not as immersed in the community as I used to, but I still follow it and was only reading a fanfic for this pairing a month ago and it was like coming home.

Pre Eren/Levi the last big ship of mine was Dramione aka Draco/Hermione from Harry Potter. I never expected them to get together canonically. I actually came to the series after it was finished, and it wasn’t until after I was finished when I browsing the internet that I came across my first Dramione fic. Intrigued I gave it a go and was hooked. It was like an innocent, PG rated one where Draco and Hermione have a spell go wrong and must stick close together until the spell wears off, and in the meantime, learn to first tolerate each other and then eventually like each other. I was done for and consume such an incredible amount of fanfic it was unreal. 

One of the things that actually made 2016 bearable was my discovering the Dragon Age series and then mass playing them 2x through (still slowly working on my third). By the end of my first playthrough, I just wasn’t ready to leave the world. I couldn’t let go. So I Googled the top fanfics for it and read Zute’s “A Californian in King Cailan’s Court” and sequel “Post Blight Management for Dummies,” which is hysterical by the way. And I binge read so much DA fanfic after that. Seriously, some of my fellow DA fanfic writers are amazing. And as I was looking through one fic where Zevran tries to broker a truce between Fenris and Anders, I became curious about Fenders. And so I looked to see what was out there and got hooked. Now this is another ship that isn’t canon, but these fics showed something I longed for in the game: for these two to realize that despite all their arguments and differences that they both long for the same thing: freedom and justice for those like them that are oppressed. Both have had their freedom denied, both traumatized by their past, Anders by the Chantry and the Templars and the Circle and Fenris by the slavers and magisters of Tevinter. What so many of the fics handled so gracefully was having these two broken people find healing and understanding through one another to a beautiful effect. I recommend giving @nikki-66​ fics a go for great examples of this.

And I said I was gonna cheat, right? Okay, so here are two other ships I’m fully sailing on that I didn’t put in my top three. The first being Reylo because anyone who follows my blog will have probably noticed that I totally ship this. I shipped it from The Force Awakens and was ecstatic when The Last Jedi came out. I went on such a fanfic reading binge for this in late 2017/early to mid 2018. It was the only thing that toned down DA fanfic reading to reasonable levels. All I can is if Ben Solo dies in the next movie and/or if Reylo doesn’t happen in some way I’m going to be so pissed lol

Finally, to one of the most complicated and moving and hard to define relationships I’ve ever read in fantasy fiction: Fitz and the Fool from Robin Hobb’s the Realm of the Elderlings. Fitz is the bastard of the crown prince of the Six Duchies turned assassin for the king and the Fool is the court jester and also someone he refers to as the White Prophet. Their relationship in the books spans a lifetime, and it grows and evolves. Are they friends? Or are they more? But they’re not lovers, not in the way most of us would think of them but also something more. All I knew was that in some way the two of them needed to end up together in some way, and I just couldn’t bear the thought that they wouldn’t be. I put off reading the last trilogy for months because of it. And when I did... I won’t say because you really need to read these books. All sixteen of them and in order. Please. 

lipstick or chapstick: I always have a chapstick in my pocket. Always. I can’t stand having dry lips. And while I do love lipstick for all the pretty colors and also the way it brightens my face, I hate when a lipstick can just settle on your lips and look super bad. But in recent years there’s been more lip butters and other hydrating formulas that I can regularly use, so that’s nice.

Last song: Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen. I’ve been on a Queen kick after watching Bohemian Rhapsody. 

Last movie: I was hanging out with my mom post her knee surgery and got her to finally watch Mulan. Before that it was Outlaw King on Netflix (with a friend) and then Bohemian Rhapsody (with a sister). I don’t watch a whole lot of movies. And if we’re talking TV shows then Outlander (with a friend). I’m more likely to be found reading, writing or gaming than I am to be watching something. 

currently reading: Ummmmm where do I begin? Ha. Like I just read a Reylo oneshot this morning. The other day I just finished Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas (which was so good!) and because I was in such a Maas kick I decided to make my 100th book read of the year her Catwoman Soulstealer one (good so far!). Also, I just started reading the novella Neutral by Jane Washington and Jaymin Eve which is part of the Curse of the Gods series (the protagonist Willa is the funniest main character I’ve read in years; the most recent one being the Warden in Zute’s Dragon Age fanfic). 

And yes, I did say 100 books. I am counting novel lengths fanfics, books of poetry and plays along with any novels and books of nonfiction. In 2017, I wanted to see how much I was actually reading and challenged myself to get to at 50 (I ended up somewhere in the 80s) and write them all down in a notebook. I gave myself the 50 challenge again this year at the bare minimum with the ultimate goal of 100 books read. So unless I lose all access to the written word for the rest of the year, I’ll be meeting my goal in the next day or so, which is super exciting. 

So here I’m going to tag four of my followers! If you’ve already done this or find the whole thing annoying feel free to ignore it.  @orkindofamazing @amervalk @latebuthere @nekoamamori

[adhdusagi]

Princess Tutu episodes 14-end

I watched the entire second half of the series in one day because I make good life choices

Previously on Princess Tutu Watch:

Okay I can get back to Tokyo Mew Mew now

+++++++++++++++++++

It was a lie, I could NOT

EPISODE, UH, FUCK……… 14! - The Raven

asdklsdhflhdl (google docs stop capitalizing my keysmashes) they’re bringing back “once upon a time there was a man who died”!!!!!! Honestly that might be one of my favorite lines in this whole show

Gotta love the sarcasm in “and they lived happily ever after”

The theme song…… it’s so good

Oh nooooooooooooooo

This scene is literally just the “I’ve got a headache that comes and goes” meme

Fakir you complete dork. You’re all dorks

“Princess Tutu and a crocodile are totally different” you tell ‘im, Mytho

Duck speaks so much more regularly than the other main characters? I mean, there’s Fakir over there like “Shall we go?” and Duck saying things like “I’m gonna be late!” and using “like” and “stuff”... I mean, I know this is the dub, but

Duck why are you using Fakir’s dumb excuses omg

Lilie is just the personification of my negative thoughts

BUT WHAT DID MYTHO TELL FAKIR

Awwwwwwww Duck, no

They’re in a terrifying Raven Dimension with like, ominous music and people wailing in the background and meanwhile Kraehe and the Raven are just having like, a normal conversation

Also, are the white feathers supposed to be like, what’s trapping the Raven there?

Duck please

Wait, Princess Tutu transformed on her own!

Episode 15 - Coppelia

Also, watching Fakir try and fail to stop Mytho from jumping out the window is Pain

Lilie you are a Strange Child

STEALTH DUCK RETURNS!

Oh no?? Fakir doesn’t want to get Mytho in trouble???

alsdfksfh the entire student population is Here For The Drama

Duck don’t yell in the library

Fakir just doesn’t make good decisions

Oooh that doesn’t look good

Sad Kraehe Theme Alert

You “just happened” to do a lot of things, Lilie

Omg Lilie “Want to just happen to go see?”

Rue just shows up to trash talk Fakir for a minute and then leaves

I say as if I’m not in So Much Pain

Yeah! Every single time Princess Tutu transformed in the first season, it was because Drosselmeyer said something, but now she’s transforming on her own!

Oh no Mytho

Also I like how Tutu doesn’t just flat-out say “you don’t actually love him” and instead is just like “how about you try doing things you enjoy with the guy you like instead of giving him Your Actual Heart”

Episode 16 - The Maiden’s Prayer

Wait is Angry Narrator back or did the other narrator just regain the heart shard of Withering Scorn?

Lilie isn’t even interested in the love triangle, she just wants Duck and Pike to fight

Is that Goatette

“So pretty…. What? Oh yeah I meant the flowers of course haha” Duck

Such a serious child

“Love only me, hate everyone else”/“The prince who loves me and me alone”

This child is amazing

It was such a good decision to give Fakir a little sister. A good decision for everyone involved

aslfsdjhklgdlghdjghfdklkdkalh Kraehe told him that Duck would suffer if she knew what was happening with Mytho so Fakir isn’t going to tell herrrrrrrrrr Fakir please don’t internalize that!! You are breaking my heart sir

Oh my god it wasn’t Goatette it was the sloth

*The Can Can plays loudly over a sloth just kinda hangin out*

Episode 17 - Crime and Punishment

This may or may not have been the last episode I watched the first time I watched this show?

“Eyes of truth” huh?

This dumbass child

Femio, from the other side of the school grounds: “DID SOMEBODY SAY ‘PRINCE’????”

What the Fuck are you doing with your hands, kid

Why are you a cow

Honestly as over-the-top as Femio is he is also simultaneously the most realistic middle-schooler in this entire show

Oh my god he’s on probation

I’m sorry I’m just talking about Femio but he’s hilarious

Truly a Grade A Idiot

What is he even doing with his life

I’ve become Lilie

These characters have emotional crises over people saying the stupidest things and tbh I relate to that

Oh dear!

The thing is, Femio would be really annoying in real life, but in a tv show he’s just amusing

Rue’s FACE, she’s so done

I like how Duck can tell which building Rue’s in just by the amount of crows around it

Tbh all the students probably have noticed what’s going on, they just think it’s some kind of weird performance art thing. Wouldn’t be out of character for this school

Fakir and Uzura really are siblings, I love this

The best part about this episode is it’s this completely ridiculous person unintentionally getting in the middle of everybody’s emotional issues

“I feel kinda like something happened, and kinda like it didn’t” Duck you are absolutely correct

And of course the Aquarium is good once again

Episode 18 - The Wandering Knight

Incidentally, how old are these kiddos? We know Mytho is older than Duck, so Fakir and Rue probably are too?? But like, probably only by a year? Who even knows what their actual ages are

I mean, Duck is a duck so

It’s! The trees from the opening!

I don’t know if I’ve asked this before, but why does Fakir have a horse?

Oh my god Lilie

Can everybody STOP picking on Fakir for being afraid to die? He is 14, leave him alone

Ahiru is trying so hard to be helpful, give her a chance Fakir

Once again Rue shows up to get in a burn on Fakir and then leave

I swear every time the Aquarium plays in this show

Oh noooooooo Ruuuuueeeeeeee

Literally Protect All Of These Characters

Save These Children From Their Own Emotional Issues

FAKIR PLEASE

Pride is absolutely the worst feeling Mytho could get back right now?

“There’s something sinister going on that I’m not a part of!” And that really gets to you doesn’t it Dross. I bet it’s really… grinding your gears!!!

(why do I feel so proud of insulting a fictional character)

Episode 19 - A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Wow we really are starting this one off on a sinister note (it’s Drosselmeyer’s revenge on me for that pun)

Of course he can’t tell you, he doesn’t fuckin know what’s going on

Fakir please stop basing your entire identity around being a knight

Oh no, Mytho’s regained the heart shard of Basing Your Entire Identity Around Upholding A Role

I wonder if Hermia being tall is like, a meta Shakespeare joke, cause in the play Helena’s really tall and Hermia’s really short, but in every production I’ve seen it was the other way around

Rue stop projecting your insecurities onto your boyfriend

Ohhhhhhhh dear

Finally someone tells all the crows hanging around to shut up

Oh my god she really is super tall

Or Ahiru’s just super short

I am learning so much about ballet mimes

Cool bird shadows

Whoa, different raven background. And the Raven isn’t speaking with him this time? What does it mean

On no, Tutu

Hahaha oh no

Aaahaha they’re the same

THEY EVEN DO THE SAME ARM-FLAILY THING

Episode 20 - The Forgotten Story

ALRIGHT, TIME FOR THE FAKIR’S SAD BACKSTORY EPISODE

Raetzel: *walks in*

Uzura: And where do you fit in the shipping chart, ma’am

THIS is a High Quality Directatorial Decision

Oh no Duck. oh no she’s so earnest nooooo

It is just Extremely Wrong to see Mytho dancing to something besides Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy

Mr. Cat can hear the word “wedding” from three floors up

Oh my GOD they put broken heart stickers on the window

I mean, I say they but we all know it was Lilie

Again, Duck knows exactly where shit’s going down just because that’s where all the crows are

Oh no!

Everybody needs to stop giving Fakir shit Right Now. Everybody needs to stop thinking it’s a bad thing that Fakir didn’t fucking Die, and that includes Fakir OKAY????

I’ve been thinking… Raven Mytho keeps saying things like “people only want love because they want to be loved” and I wonder… if that was sort of his experience as a prince. Or maybe I’m just getting this mixed up with Utena lol. But it does seem like a genuine issue he has as opposed to just something he says to manipulate people. Hm.

Episode 21 - The Spinners

Every time the narrator says “once upon a time there was a man who died” I Will Flip

Duck tries to lean nonchalantly against a door, it goes about how you’d expect

Duck that’s not how writing works (ughgfjdghskjkgf my pain)

AW NO

Oh no Duck is too relatable

UUAAAAAA TREE GHOST TREE GHOST

“Follow my every order and be prepared to die if you should fail” it’s almost like you WANT me to hate you. FAKIR DOESN’T NEED THIS

See Duck agrees with me

PETITION FOR PEOPLE TO LEAVE FAKIR THE FUCK ALONE THAT MEANS YOU TREE GHOST

Ohshit it’s that old guy from the bookshop???

Uzura is NOT “unrelated”, obviously she is Fakir’s baby sister

“I’m just watching again” oh no Duck

Autor what the Fresh Heck are you doing to Fakir

YOU ARE NOT FINE?????????

Honestly Fakir needs to get in touch with his emotions, not get sleep deprived and hallucinate in a field

This tree is saying things Edel said??? Was Edel made from the wood of this tree?????? Oh my god???????????

Anyway that was Intense

Listen, Raven Mytho has real issues and you can fight me on this

Ah, I see Dross is practicing the time-honored authorial tradition of “If the Story Isn’t Working, Hit It With a Wrench”

Episode 22 - Crown of Stone

But who’s going to protect Fakir huh? Answer me that, Duck

One big-ish happy familyyyyyyyyy

I needed this life advice tbh

Aaaaaah Uzura’s talking to Rue!

“Are you the Rue we’re worried about?” I love how she just included herself in that

Autor, I’m……. not sure you want the tree ghost cult to acknowledge you

Uhm, I’m pretty sure Autor doesn’t fit into the shipping chart and I think Uzura would agree with me

Ah fuck!!! Fakir turn around

Wait it’s an owl on a grandfather clock?? Is that actually a thing? These watchnotes are coming full circle

“I want people to love me, but is it okay to just be loved?” yep, the prince is having issues

Autor, I’m pretty sure Ahiru is figuring all that out right now

And like, the Book Men totally know it too, so

HOLY CRAP THIS SEQUENCE

AND THE MUSIC THE MUSIC IS PERFECT

SKLAFDJKVHFJK;JKLSdf;DSLKJFAKSDAKFJHFKLJJFGKLHGJFHSDLJ

I love this show

EPISODE 23 - Marionette

OH! OH! IT’S THE MUSIC EDEL ALWAYS PLAYED BUT SPED UP! That’s actually kinda creepy!

Anyway now I know why I’m so protective of Fakir, we’re both writers who can’t write anything

Oh noooooooooooo Rue

Oooooooooooh don’t like that

Ruuueeeeeeeeee please don’t stab your boyfriend we’ve been over this

Incidentally, hulu needs to quit it with these bogus commercial placements

Drosselmeyer: How dare you try to resolve your emotional problems!

Dross that’s called character development

Hahahaha joke’s on you Dross!

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I! LOVE! THEM!

No of course your heart is lovey-dovey Uzura! Your heart is the lovey-dovey-est!!!

Incidentally, Autor is That Guy who says just because you haven’t finished/published anything you’re not a Real Writer. And he is Wrong

Episode 24 - The Prince and the Raven

Okay, just from this title I know I won’t be able to handle this

THIS ISN’T EVEN THE PENULTIMATE EPISODE

YOU ARE HITTING ME WITH ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MAN WHO DIED RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE I CANNOT BELIEVE

Okay but and then this story explains all of Raven Mytho’s emotional issues as well???

*sigh* Autor……. Fakir literally just told you his motivation is to protect people and you’re still going on about controlling the fates of all mankind… are you sure you’re not Drosselmeyer’s direct descendent?

Rue don’t go into the crow building

Honestly I’m still dying over the fact that you can tell where things are happening purely based on which building all the crows are at today

Tiny Rue is breaking my heart

UUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TINY RUE IS DOING BALLET

Omg Rue in the beginner’s class!

Oh noooo Uzura’s saaaaad

I KNOW I’ve heard this songgggggggg

THAT WAS A BIT OF THE FOSSILS FROM CARNIVAL OF THE ANIMALS???

Okayokayokay so it’s not Carnival of the Animals but DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS it’s another piece by Saint-Saens and DO YOU KNOW what that piece is called????? fuckin Danse Macabre!!!!! I am immediately filled with a sense of foreboding!!!

The music choices in this show are going to destroy me one day

HOLY CRAP????

I can’t believe so goddamn much happened in this episode???

Episode 25 - The Dying Swan

I’m not rrrrrrrrreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Not even the narrator’s obvious disappointment in Drosselmeyer can give me solace

Oh my god so is the Drosselmeyer we know just a character in Dead Drosselmeyer’s story?

I think it’s a testament to this story’s power that I’m having so many emotions about it even though I know what’s going to happen? Like, some stories, reading the summary is pretty much the same as hearing the story, but Princess Tutu is not one of those stories

Like I just overcame my social anxiety to ask my roommate to be quieter, that’s how good this story is

Aaaaaagh Rue’s change from saying “you love me” to saying “I love you” my HEART

Oh shoot! Mytho’s angry! I thought one of the gate heart shards might be anger

Oh my god Autor literally no one cares what TEA Drosselmeyer drank look at Fakir he’s so done

Aaaaaaaa ohno

EVISCERATE HIM FAKIR

Holyshitholyshitholyshit

Okay but see the lake is outside the city so Dross just took some random normal duck and plunked her down in his fairytale town and that’s why like, a cat teacher seems weird to her because she’s not from inside the story

OH NO THEY’RE PLAYING THE SWAN BUT THIS TIME IT’S RUE

rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr fuck OFFFFFF

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s the sword birds

excUSE you Dross, the knight has NOT “long been useless”

Episode 26 - Finale

I can’t believe after 9 years I’m finally going to finish watching this show

Okay it’s happening

It begins and ends with “once upon a time, there was a man who died”, the absolute most perfect first line in the history of first lines and you can fight me on this

Okay I’m already almost crying just from the theme song, like the Tchaikovsky fits perfectly into it? I’m gonna sing it

I’m just screaming???? They’re all in distress

BUT DUCK IS NOT GOING TO GIVE IN TO DISTRESS

RUE IS THE SWAN

DUCK DECIDES TO WRITE HER OWN STORY AND THE MUSIC FROM THE END OF THE THEME SONG STARTS PLAYING MY HEART

I’M ACTUALLY CRYING

IT’S ALL THE PEOPLE SHE HELPED

THEY ARE PLAYING THE THEME THAT PLAYS WHEN DUCK IS HAPPY

FUCKING -- AND YOU HIT ME WITH ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MAN WHO DIED NOW

LOOK! LOOK THE SCENERY OUTSIDE THE TOWN FADES IN

I watched it.

[poipoi1912]

Barba-centric thoughts on Ep 19x13

For the last time.

But first, to get it out of the way.

Sonny Thoughts

Who’s that?

No but, are we honestly expected to believe that Sonny would pass on observing Barba’s murder trial?

Sonny, who is a lawyer himself, would pass on witnessing a) any colleague’s MURDER TRIAL, b) BARBA’S murder trial, c) Randy Dworkin working his magic and d) the skills of Peter Stone, out of sheer curiosity? How does any of that make sense? Sonny as a law student was eager to shadow Barba just to observe a random trial he had no personal connection to, and he’d return to the precinct literally saying “court was AWESOME” while the others rolled their eyes, and now that he’s a lawyer, all he does is say “lol it’s a good thing I’m a cop”?

Remember when the conversation was “will Carisi join or even replace Barba at the DA’s office?” to the point where Peter was asked about it in interviews? Remember when Sonny’s law degree had a purpose? When it was building up to something, to a potential change? When Sonny actively faced a dilemma? Now it’s only good for a throwaway line.

What has Sonny done all season?

Nothing.

Which brings me to, what has Barba done this season?

A lot, and none of it’s good, unfortunately.

Barba Thoughts

Barba has messed up many times this season. Too many. Twice it’s been completely intentional (causing a mistrial with the jurors on that elevator, and this). We’ve seen him act way too emotional for someone in his position, and indeed we have seen his heart guiding him (like it did the other week, with the alt-right/antifa case, when he dropped the charges because his heart wasn’t in it). It’s a fact that Barba changed, a lot, over the years, and this season saw him going through even greater changes.

In the past, he always had his integrity. He may have misstepped before (like with Munoz, who was a very close childhood friend) and he may have held opinions which pitted him against the squad or the police in general (the Terrence Reynolds case), but he always held his positions with impressive, if firm, conviction. Just last season, he admitted to what was, at the time, his “deepest” secret, i.e. giving money for drugs to a witness who ended up OD’ing, and even then he believed he had done the right thing.

Because he did do the right thing. Then.

This season, however, Barba has been doing the wrong thing, way too often.

Part of me appreciated the focus on Barba’s decisions, and part of me was suspicious (as I mentioned recently) because I knew that, usually, when a character receives an unprecedented amount of focus, it means they’re on their way out, and all those “bigger” moments are meant to sett up their exit arc.

I was wrong.

Barba’s exit wasn’t the result of his longterm disenchantment with his work. Barba’s exit wasn’t set up previously at all. Barba’s prior mistakes were, in retrospect, simply meant to highlight the fact he has turned into Liv, i.e. he shows complete disregard for the law and just does whatever he wants wait no, I mean, he has grown a heart. also he could never fully become Liv because her actions never have consequences Because you can’t have a heart and still prosecute criminals? For some reason? Do the writers know Barba wasn’t a defense attorney?

Anyway,

This was no masterplan. Barba’s exit happened on a whim. Even though the writers have known about Raul’s desire to leave since literally before the season started, they did nothing to create an actual exit arc. They just used him as normal, and they came out with the most dramatic, far-fetched and soapy idea they could to create a single exit episode, instead. Which Barba then had to share with McCoy and his own replacement, both of whom took up valuable time which could have been spent on Barba himself, and on highlighting Barba’s importance to the entire squad.

When an actor leaves amicably, and when they graciously make themselves available for an exit “arc”, it’s customary to treat them with the analogous level of respect.

Barba deserved a tribute, and this episode was no tribute to Rafael Barba.

Case(y) Thoughts

Remember when I said a “right to die” case had some potential for an exit arc, even though it would never come close to (the actual best ADA) Casey Novak’s iconic exit in S9? Casey, of course, put her career on the line by knowingly lying about evidence (i.e. something a lawyer would conceivably do), because she wanted justice. Because she tried to help a friend and colleague (my fave, Chester Lake) who snapped and resorted to extreme actions when the system failed him and a victim.

“He deserved to pay.”

“And so do you.”

That’s how you write a morally gray exit.

You do NOT have an Assistant District Attorney literally turn off life support for a baby even though he is not a doctor or even a relative of the child. Truly no one would do what he did in real life. No one. No matter what half-assed and canonically inaccurate story the writers tried to spin about his father.

Can you imagine? Physically ending a life thus rendering yourself liable for homicide? When it’s not your place to do so? And you are fully aware of the legal ramifications? When the life in question is a child’s life, and the parents disagree on what to do? Can you imagine “siding” with one parent and taking that final (and irreversible) step, as the other parent is forced to forever live with the consequences of your actions?

Can you imagine any of us finding any of that ethical?

Can you imagine that, instead of having Barba passionately argue a case for the right to die, or find a smart, legal-yet-shady way to help the mother do the deed herself without being charged for a crime (which was what I thought was going to happen, when the episode began), the writers had him physically pull the plug?

With that one move, and with the fact Barba’s actions were attributed to (selfish) emotion, because of his father, Barba lost his moral footing, no matter what that opening eulogy tried to tell us. His position on the matter may well have been correct (it was certainly defensible), as was his instinct to help that poor mother, but his actions were wrong. And this is now how or why I wanted him to leave. Not because he was so very wrong.

Squad Thoughts

I admire Liv for personally and single-handedly manning an entire Special Victims Unit while taking the time to attend lengthy trials and also haphazardly inserting herself to any and all hostage situations in the Tri-State Area.

Stone Thoughts

Eh. That said, I did like his quip about the Class A Felony. My Barba thoughts aside, I’ve been saying it all along, SVU needs a prosecutor who does the job without being emotionally compromised every five minutes. It’s one thing if A Case hits home, but an ADA who can’t do his job because his feelings are clouding his judgment shouldn’t have a job oh wait he no longer has a job lol.

Also I can’t believe I’m saying this but I was Team Stone, not Team Liv (or Team Barba) and I kinda think that’s exactly what the showrunner intended? And I’m offended I fell for it? But Stone was right so I had no choice but to agree with him? is it because i’m a lawyer too omg

I’m conflicted. But Liv dissing him over not having children (I hate that more than I hate most things by the way) and then acting like Barba, who also has no children, “gets it”, I guess because he’s been around her long enough, and her parenting skills are so good they’ve transferred over to him? Ugh.

Seriously, Team Stone. Do you think there’s a chance the showrunner (who created the character and is clearly attached to him) will actually let Stone be his own person? And challenge Liv on equal footing? Because Liv might be Liv, and Mariska might be Mariska, but the showrunner’s love for Peter Stone might be enough to keep him from being swallowed by the Benson Vortex?

(and do I kinda like that? Are they gonna make me like Peter Stone by having him disagree with Liv every time she’s wrong i.e. all the time? Because I’m open to it 👀)

Religious Thoughts

Both Barba and Carisi have talked about their faith in the past. Carisi especially is a man of faith who regularly goes to church and has been shown to be a true believer. And yet, he had no insight to offer about what the Church might have to say about a case like this. In fact, religion was not mentioned at all. During this case, of all cases. In my opinion, that was because the writers knew that by religious standards there is no defense for Barba’s actions, and they didn’t want to give the audience a reason to think negatively of him. Still, this was a glaring omission.

Stray Thoughts

“Weasel”? They couldn’t find a better word lol?

RANDY DWORKIN. Not an obvious choice to defend Barba (oh, Rita, where art thou?), but definitely an entertaining one. I felt like I was watching the original Law & Order every time he spoke. Also, every single thing he argued was, indeed, defensible, and the writers made a decent (if schmaltzy) effort to paint Barba’s actions in a positive light, but the fact remains; having the right to die (which I personally support) is not the same thing as allowing a complete stranger to (technically) kill you “for your own good”. Even if it was the right decision, it was not Barba’s decision to make, and the trial glossed over that a bit.

Jack is still the DA? Since when? And why did they never namedrop him in all these years?

Both Peter Stone’s Class A felony quip and Jack’s quip about it being “unbecoming” to have his ADA’s killing people were great lines, but they rubbed me the wrong way because they were effectively making fun of Barba? But also they were accurate? And Barba deserved to be dragged? Again, I’m conflicted.

The new showrunner can write dialogue very well, but he cannot write season-long arcs (the Sheila mess confirmed that), he can’t write characters well or consistently, and he struggles with original episode ideas. For Season 19, I guess that’s not so bad. But for television in general, in its current thriving state, it’s pretty disappointing.

Liv, to an Assistant District Attorney: Forget the law for a minute.

me: *facepalm*

Peter Stone: lol how ‘bout I don’t?

me: u go gurl

The Barisi Corner

One last time, for old times’ sake.

The ship lives forever in our hearts. Where it’s always lived.

And also in Peter Scanavino’s heart ❤️

[siodymph]

IZ Secret Santa 2017

For @controlbrain

Hey there! I was your secret santa! I was really psyched when I found out, I’ve loved your art for like years now in the IZ community lol. (Also I’m super sorry this is coming out so late. I’d really hoped I could of finished it earlier than this but my holidays got really busy. And sorry for any errors I may have missed.) Anyways, I decided to try and combine both of your suggestions into one fic! Where Dib goes out and has a grand old time while Zim feels like he’s being tortured lol. I hope you enjoy the outcome! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! (You can read this under the cut or over on my AO3)

“Night of the Walking Lame”

word count: 2236

“Stink-brain, why do you bother making-up your greasy face? Most humans do it to look prettier, but you just look even more disgusting than usual.”

Dib’s eyebrows knitted as he looked at the Irken through a mirror. He was currently trying to do his face but Zim kept interrupting his process. He was applying a foundation several shades paler than his normal skin tone. That along with grey eyeshadow along his jawline and under eyes made him look sickly. Walking dead was what he was going for.

“I’m not trying to look human here. I need to blend in, and not everyone has cheap holograms.” He tried to explain, easily getting annoyed by the alien’s antics. But he found himself smiling again as he put on some dark, thick lines of eye-liner around his eyes. To Dib it really made the hazel color in his eyes pop.

“Cheap!?” Zim gasped, clawed hand going over his chest. “Zim’s disguises are some of the finest in the whole armada!”

“Well even if they are, they won’t work. I need to actually look the part to sell this! I also need to smell the part.” Dib smirked at the last part, picking up a glass perfume bottle filled with a concoction he’d made himself. Giving Zim no warning he doused himself in a disgusting purple-ish grey mist that smelled like old dusty cardboard boxes, a pair of musty shoes left out in the rain and something foul just beginning to rot.

Zim gagged, running to the back corner of Dib’s bedroom and covering his face where a nose would be. “Who on this filthy planet in their right mind willing smells like that?!”

Trying not to breathe in too deeply, Dib stepped back to look himself over in the mirror. “Vampires. A hoard spotted just outside of town specifically. A group of teenagers went missing a few years ago while having a party out in the woods… and now they’ve come back apparently.”

Dib didn’t think he looked half-bad. With the make-up and gross smell he actually looked like the undead. Plus he always liked having an excuse to wear all-black. He was almost ready to go, just needed to get on his shoes and they could go head out for the investigation. Unable to hide his excitement he spun on his heels and skipped over to his closet. Digging around for a specific pair of shoes.

Zim watched the human with a raised eye socket, Dib could be a strange creature sometimes. At least he wasn’t being bossy yet. He decided to go through the human’s bag as he struggled to dress himself. There were cameras and a voice recorded, but there was also a good amount of garlic and silver in there as well as a taser. “So what exactly is you’re plan, meat-boy? Kill them or interview them?”

“Eh, not sure yet…”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m just trying to be prepared for anything, Zim. They could be docile, but they could also be dangerous.”

“Shouldn’t you decide what to do with these vampire babies before you catch them?” Zim shot back, looking at his clawed fingers nonchalantly. Honestly how this human expected to get anything done was Zim’s guess.

“Whatever I’m just think- Ha! Got’em!” Dib’s train of thought was lost as he crawled out of his disgustingly cluttered closet with a pair of high-grade leather boots. They were perfect for hiking through the woods. Or at least that was always the justification he said out loud, in truth he wore them primarily because he thought they made him look cool. He stood up and walked over to his bed to put them on.

Suddenly towering above him, Zim had to step back and get out of his way. His eyes narrowed to slits as he was forced to look up at Dib. His hands went to his hips and not really realizing it he tried to stretch up a little higher. The time had begun now where all the sniveling worm babies started shooting up into tall dumb stinky adults. He wondered just how stupid Dib and his sister would get the taller they became. Maybe his big head would let him hold on to a little of his intellect. As for his sister, sometimes she doubted the girl was even human. Regardless he hated having the annoying human lording above him now. As if he were actually better than him, like that could actually happen.

He grumbled about it under his breath as he went to the mirror and readjusted his wig and contacts.

“If you plan on whining the entire time don’t even come.” Dib said keeping his snarky tone, not even bothering to look up as he laced his right leather boots.

“Zim does not whine.” Zim replied. Dib couldn’t tell if he was actually offended or if he was just being patronizing. “I simply point out your errors. I can’t help it that they exist in practically everything you do. It’s almost fascinating actually.”

Definitely patronizing. “Shut up.” Rolling his eyes Dib got up from his bed and hoisted his duffle bag onto his shoulders. “So do you actually plan on being helpful, or do you just plan on being an ass the entire time? Cause I really need someone who can hold my camera.”

Zim scoffed and waved one hand in Dib’s direction. “You should be grateful Zim even agrees to go on your little field trips of yours.”

“And what about trying to ‘study the smelly secondary sentient life-forms on this pathetic little planet’?” Dib asked, mocking Zim’s voice. Apparently that was the Tallest’s most recent mission for Zim, to study other secret life forms on earth to see if they were any easier to conquer.

“I could just as easily do that from the comfort of my lair.” Zim said, folding his arms and pouting.

“Maybe if information on the paranormal was more accessible and accredited.” Dib said, starting to get smug. He dropped another bulky duffle bag on the floor directly in front of Zim. “But unfortunately it’s not so you just. Got. me.”

Zim snarled and threw the bag over his shoulder. He hated it when Dib acted all high-and-mighty and got that stupid look on his face. “I’d watch the tone if I were you, worm.”

Dib hardly seemed phased. Still grinning, he headed for the door. Simply expecting Zim to follow him. “Come on lizard, we don’t have all night!”

Grumbling under his breath Zim followed the excited young teen out of his room and out of his house. All this, stupid disguising and horrible odors with the planet’s most annoying human had better be worth it…

~~~

It wasn’t.

After nearly two hours of wandering through the woods, they eventually ran into the monsters. And in the end it was them who found Dib and Zim wandering through the dark.

And the teenagers weren’t even undead. They were just emo-goth kids who had run away from home to go live in the woods because they disagreed with society. And their sunken-in faces and horrible odor was from them needing to sleep and bath more regularly.

As much as it had disappointed Zim it did provide a fascinating look at the psyche of human adolescents. Their absolute hate for things like social order, unfair rules… and soap apparently.  

And at least the Dib was disappointed too. When it was plainly explained to him that there were no actual vampires, just dumb teenagers, he seemed distraught. At first he refused to believe it. He argued it was just a trick the vampires were pulling to avoid being caught. But soon the truth became apparent. Dropping his duffle bag, dropping to the ground himself, and screaming into the grass for a full three minutes.

Zim would have been fine calling it a night after that but no, no the other humans insisted they stay and comfort Dib in his temper tantrum. They ended up complimenting his sense of style and his interesting “cologne”. That seemed to raise the boy’s spirits and everything just went downhill from there.

Now Zim found himself sitting in an absolutely disgusting MacMeaties’s at 2 in the morning, surrounded by Dib and all the goth older teenagers who were apparently his “friends” now, unable to leave as they all talked much too loud with mouths full of greasy food.

He sincerely thought he might be sick. How could humans not only willingly eat such revolting food, but actually enjoy it?? It was astounding almost, how much germs and oils the human diet could withstand.

Unfortunately Zim couldn’t and one hand kept flying up to his mouth whenever he accidentally looked over and saw meat juice drip down someone’s face. It seemed like everyone was talking at once and yet no one wanted to pay any attention to him. Zim couldn’t stand it. For probably the billionth time that night he questioned why he’d ever bothered coming to earth. Disgusting, stupid little planet…

Dib on the other hand seemed to be having the time of his life. These teenagers were exactly the kind of people he could hang out with. Wearing all black, hiding out in the woods, avoiding dumb people and their dumb societies… They didn’t seem as keen towards his passion for the paranormal but they complimented him, saying it made his “wicked” and “macabre”.

At first he’d been pretty nervous around them. He didn’t really have any friends, besides Zim kinda. So he wasn’t really sure how to act or what to say around these older kids. But in the end he didn’t really need to do anything. He was just acting like himself and they seemed to like him. Probably the first time that ever happened in his life…

But one way or another the subject of school came up, mostly how much it sucked. It was actually the reason why the goth teens had all run away to live in the woods. And Dib couldn’t blame them, he hated living in this dumb city. And while he didn’t think living in the woods as squatters was the most appealing thing in the world he did wish sometimes he could leave this dump and never come back. Especially if it meant he could be around like-minded people who seemed to actually like being around him.

They kept talking, obnoxiously loud. Enough so that MacMeatie’s actually kicked them all out. But then they just kept talking as they walked outside through the city.

But eventually though the time came for the goths to once again retreat from society and return to the wild. They all left the restaurant and stopped when they came to the very outskirts of the city once again. But they promised that Dib could call them if he ever wanted to hang out since he seemed like a “pretty cool kid”.  Those words alone seemed to make him go starry-eyed as he waved goodbye to his new friends.

Zim simply watched as the weird little humans scampered off back to the woods. Dib seemed rather taken by them, but he silently hoped they would never run into them again.

With an entire night wasted with nothing to show for it Zim sulked as he walked home alongside Dib who was still a little misty-eyed after saying goodbye.

At least it was much quieter now. And Dib’s gross smell had worn off so Zim felt like he could finally breathe again. As the two walked alone he began to relax in small fractions.

“Why not go with the other humans?” Zim asked out of nowhere, now able to actually think. “You seemed to like those human children a lot. And they seemed willing to recruit you into their clique.”

Dib just shrugged as he shuffled alongside Zim. He hadn’t realized how loud he’d been talking before. His voice felt hoarse now. “Eh, it would be nice. But my family’s different from theirs. Gaz and Dad would flip out if I ever disappeared like that.”

“Really?” Dib’s family unit never seemed like the strongest, but then again he had been beaten up horribly by Dib’s demon-sister on several occasions when she’d needed him. And his father did seem to take a little pride in his son, as long as the unnatural stayed out of their conversations.

“Yeah pretty sure. Plus, you know, I still got these instigations I need to finish. Can’t leave my research half-finished inconclusive…”

That seemed more reasonable to Zim. He hummed a little in agreement as they kept walking. He could see Dib’s house in the distance. Even at this point in night his father would most-likely be working in the labs across town. And Gaz would undoubtedly be in her bedroom playing video games.

Zim missed the stupid smug smirk that came back to Dib’s face right before he shoved him hard enough to make the alien stumble. “And someone’s gotta be around to stop your stupid schemes!”

Zim hissed and shoved Dib back twice as hard into a wire fence. “They’re not stupid! And I least I actually organize schemes instead of running through the woods stalking humans!”

“It’s called observing! You’re supposed to do that before experimenting! Ya green idiot!” Dib argued back defensively.

The two continued to bicker as they went to Dib’s house after such an eventful night.