#do NOT leave them alone together something WILL be destroyed in record time

[oddfamiliar]

Felt like drawing my two cringe Aether sisters. Their names are Lazertag and BananaPhone c:

[izuizzy]

thinking about Vanitas again because I'm a sucker who likes crazy ocs; how come they all thought that he was dead?? like was that something in the records or did Vanitas just disappear and presumed dead?? its eating at my mind izzy!!!! I MUST KNOWWWW

OKAY I HAVE SLEPT AND I AM HERE ONCE AGAIN ASKING YOU TO LISTEN TO THE VANITAS PARASITES WHISPERING IN MY EAR AAA I’m so glad you asked this fos. you have no idea you’re asking all the things I’ve already been thinking about heheheheh so long post incoming. it’s story time!

to anyone also reading this, story was written by me. so yeah just the usual do not claim as your own. and enjoy! also tw for inhumane research projects, death mention. I will tag this post.

so, basically Vanitas and all other test subjects for Ultimate Lifespawn were supposed to die when the facility was found. as team dark and GUN found it they arrested and captured all the researchers, but not until one dangerous researcher activated a fail safe to destroy the subjects. miraculously it failed on Talia and Vox, but all other subjects were killed. it is still unknown why they survived. was it just a stroke of luck? did their programs buckle after the destruction of the facility? no one knows yet.

so how did Vanitas survive? to start, I wanna give a little background on him. he wasn’t always a crazy psycho JAKAHSHS

he was actually quite happy even in their unfortunate circumstances. he definitely inherited more of Sonic’s energetic and playful sides. out of all the subjects in the facility, he was the first to survive the abhorrent experiments and tests after Vox. so they stuck together in those trying times being the only two who could last longer than a few days or a few weeks. Vanitas grew attached to his older brother and Vox enjoyed having company for once even if he didn’t understand his own feelings at the time.

however… things didn’t stay that way.

(gonna cliffhanger cut this bc it’s getting super long so read under the cut for more)

around the time Talia came into existence, Vanitas noticed a change in Vox. something more sentimental as he bonded with Talia. something Vanitas had never seen from Vox. Vanitas saw her as weaker than them (her Chao energy levels are not the same as the two of them) and he once suggested that he and his brother Vox escape the facility and the cruelty of the researchers, they were definitely strong enough to level the facility and take out anyone who stood in their way. Vox didn’t want to leave Talia behind though, and what if more hedgehogs like them came into existence that could survive, who would be there for them?

Vanitas didn’t like what he was hearing. one argument led to another and Vanitas had had enough of his sentimental brother, and the weakling that turned him into this. he became more violent and aggressive towards everyone and everything. he took joy in tormenting the subjects and fighting with the researchers, and seeing all of them as dolls more so than other living things. the researchers soon learned he was too dangerous to the project as a whole and so they separated him from the rest of the subjects and performed experiments on him alone.

Talia and Vox never saw him again after that, and so they had assumed he was going die (as they were young and watching him leave didn’t mean just experiments but death).

Vanitas was later subjected to terrible experiments alone, so painful and excruciating that his mind began to fray at the seams. after the experiments he did not return to Vox, Talia or anyone else. he was left in isolation in a room. all alone. there were times where he regretted the things he’d said that had separated him from Vox. it wasn’t long though before his mind would start to block things out. he became the emptiness that his name stood for. he started shutting out his pain and his emotions, and he lived in isolation, cold and numb. he’d already used that coping skill before so he could use it again.

Vanitas never saw another soul again besides the researchers. they planned to place him in a cryostasis different from the other subjects and extract his chaos energy to be used for the others because he was too erratic to control. they’d keep him around for later but basically they wrote him off as deceased for the records so no one would question them about him.

so Talia and Vox had assumed he was dead as they never saw him again (a spell of out of sight out of mind just a bit). they had to move forward. Vox had to come to grips that the brother he knew he changed and was no more and Talia had to learn to cope with the fear Vanitas had imparted on her even after he was gone.

a tldr of their interactions is that after a long while neither Vox nor Talia had anything kind to say about Vanitas and wouldn’t miss him after the shift in personality he had. he became manipulative, aggressive and cruel and neither of them remembered him fondly (unfortunately). Vox and Vanitas both missed the old versions of each other that were long gone.

later down the lines when team dark found them there were only four subjects found. even though in truth five had survived. Vanitas was only a name among a list of names when they recovered the files all while being labeled as “dangerous” and “deceased.”

for reasons I have yet to write, it turns out all this time Vanitas was alive and never died in the research facility… because he wasn’t there to begin with when team dark and GUN raided the facility.

he had disappeared much earlier, his cell empty, and the fail safe chip inside him left on the ground.

fun fact: I also put this in a sonadow comic I did once before. mentioning the fail safe that was meant to kill all subjects created by the project

[katyspersonal]

Midra for the ask meme :3

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

Thaaaat guy! God, this makes me sad to think about.. in a good sense. And nostalgic. I want to erase SOTE from my memory just to experience the emotions I first had when I've found Abyssal Woods and this guy.

Favorite thing about them:

He is a NERD! He lives up to his title as 'sage'! His Manse is 90% library and other like 10% is actual living area fhdhds It is SO many books everywhere!

You KNOW that it was not simply a storage. He DID read every single book he had. I don't know, like... every room is full of book shelves and piles of books. It is impressive.

Not only that, but also the whole Manse has the narrative of messing with the Insight not meant for humans (or anyone, for that matter). There were records of forbidden knowledge everywhere, no wonder Inquisitors decided to burn it all down, for everyone's sake!

I love that he is really wise and educated, but ALSO a madman! And a more sympathetic kind of than, say, Micolash! He KNOWS he fucked up, and maybe he hoped he could've made Frenzied Flame work. He and his people suffered from religion-driven oppression long enough. Why would not he turn to the force that can take away "every sin and affliction"? Why not wish to "destroy all that divides and distinguishes"? This is a super good example of 'good intentions road to Hell' thing, and told so well through environment and buildup alone, too! god.

Least favorite thing about them:

This one actually makes me sad... It is hard to explain, but it is how 'limiting' his story is. Or rather, 'self-contained'.

When I first discovered the Woods, his manse and himself, I was ECSTATIC. You all probably remember my reaction, and how I could not shut up about both him and his lore! And Nanaya and his followers! I've had the Elden Ring loredigging of my LIFE. I remember how much emotions and joy of discovery I had like it was yesterday. I was super thrilled to figure out what happened, and wrote this ( x ) post. And then.....

Yeah, you see, it isn't anything new for Soulsborne games to have the player to find a character at the VERY end of their story. They are already dead when we arrive, we just make it official with our battle. However, most of the characters can be easily extracted from this fate in our imagination! You can imagine that they live anyway. You can slightly tweak the timeline events so it is not that bad. You can play with their past enough, you can pit them to interact with other characters with ease, you can play with AUs...

Midra feels different. He is very strongly 'locked' onto his fate. He is very contained within his manse, his story is limited to Inquisitors, Horsent servants and his family. And Frenzied Flame.. *sigh* "Saving" him from his fate is not something ordinary. Or, maybe, MY EYES ARE YET TO OPEN and I just haven't found the right way yet?

He feels just as isolated from the rest of the story and cast as Hornsent Inquisitors wanted him to be, and I can't explain why! I just.. dread the fact that there is not much for me left to discuss about him besides piecing together the story of him and his manse. All creativity is resorted to detalizing his past, but Frenzied Flame is not your ordinary Soulsborne death.. It is ultra super hyper extra uber nihilism. Once it touches you, you are merely winning extra time, body and mind, but not in the way Scarlet Rot does it. I'd need to dial toooooooOOOO far back to get him and Nanaya out of that and let them hang out with the rest of the cast! I guess I just need to "accept" it. I accepted Melina canonically annihilating herself, I can do this too, I guess. Just not yet. Separating him from Frenzied Flame just feels like amputating too much, you know? Yet that darn thing doesn't leave any hope or life... He is just too doomed even for Soulsborne characters standards, unless too much is reversed. I am very fixated on future and possibilities, in the way my mind works. @velvet-apricots is absolutely THE best person when it comes to detalizing his and Nanaya's past, it feels so alive!

Favorite line:

"I have endured... more than enough...". It is both really haunting AND got meme'd by me into infinity, sorry fdhfdhs It has the same energy as 'The night, and the hunt, were long...' except in a more fucked up context. Likewise, Midra is about to be released from torture of endless internal fight that everyone is doomed to loose, but it won't be sweet embrace of death just for him. It will be this for virtually everyone, if he is not stopped! And there is no way he doesn't know... Just imagine how much torment he went through, and for how long, to finally no longer be able to hold it back EVEN for the sake of every living being.

brOTP:

I do sometimes like to imagine him getting along with other nerds or sages/witches, as well as to dial back all the way into shared link between Midra's Manse and Shaman Village! He is intelligent just enough to be an easy target for crazy ideas, but also has a lot of heart... So, he is not on Sellen tier, but also not on Carians tier, but somewhere between. I think he and Nanaya should visit Ymir's palace somewhere in the timeline where Midra didn't mess with Frenzied Flame. :') Ymir is likewise a madman with both a big brain AND a big heart, but could have offered a softer perspective than fucking with the literal essence of non-existence.

Also, being friends with Madding Hand unironically works xD

Choice of Gravebird set is odd, but it connected in my brain that maybe he used to be a gravekeeper at Manse before! (Whether he used to wear something more modest or not is a question for another day fdhfdsh) I would expect someone like this be the second best person for Midra to talk to after Nanaya. Someone adjusted to very depressing and dark conversations, not being worn down by them nor trying to uplift Midra's spirit when he just wanted to rot a bit fdhfd Definitely see him as a favourite servant.

There is also the fact that he is the only one who survived Inquisitors barging in and executing everyone (except for Nanaya and technically Midra himself)! It is a question how, but prefer to imagine that he had the chance to leave and use the gift having lived, to try and put it behind him... but he did not, and chose to stay in the Abyssal Woods, he chose to make him living a problem of every Inquisitor he can hunt down. Because he just valued Midra and his service to him too much.

OTP:

He is literally married! xD There is no really anyone to ship him with besides Nanaya! I feel like any other person who gets considered would just be the third one in their bed at most fdhfhsd (doesn't sound bad actually but you see what I mean)

I have my vision of her reaction and attitude to the whole FF business, and at this rate they're dangerously close to having divorced energy. But even then, his loyalty and guilt before her is the ONE thing that has been keeping him from giving into FF, and I am sure she still loves him too no matter how hurt she was. I wrote a FULL ask meme about their ship ( x ) and I was surprised by how natural it was flowing? They are writing themselves and I don't know how or why!!! It is very hard to imagine them without one another. I kind of see their love as something that allowed both of their souls to truly bloom, otherwise they'd be more bitter, unfulfilled husks living regretful lives that'd feel like they were just wasted.

nOTP:

It is hard to imagine any other ship with him to BEGIN with, let alone something I would not like. xD But I feel like even if some crack ship (for example the crossover between Soulsborne games or a far-distanced AU) took off, I'd find it funny rather than frustrating! It'd just feel like a joke, so why get angry? (but like I said, in the end you just add third person in the bed, nothing more x) )

Random headcanon:

Midra does not like to admit it, but he can and will be somewhat selective regarding what he likes to learn! He might even disregard certain fields of "science" if they do not interest him or do not seem legit or in depth enough! Again, similarly to how Ymir declared the Moon "just the closest celestial object, nothing more". xD

Except, like I said, Midra would not like to be like this, and certainly not before people who are interested in the topic! He holds himself to a very high standard as a sage, and knows he must accumulate various knowledge and give change to everything. He must NOT be selective. Arguing with how his focus works though is hard, and Nanaya is the one who notices whether he is bored or even irritated with something! She knows that 'just be yourself dude your IQ is already like over 500 💀' won't work on him nor she'd try to do that! So she lets him to both complain and finds a way to make the topic that bores him more interesting to invest into! He could never be Gideon fdhsfdhs

Unpopular opinion:

Is this character popular enough to have UNpopular opinions? xD I suppose, maybe my vision of him and Lord of Frenzied Flame state? I basically see them as different characters. Even more separated than, say, Malenia vs Goddess of Rot or Godwyn vs Prince of Death! It is due to assimilative nature of Frenzied Flame... It is hard to explain. I see Lord of Frenzied Flame as something that needs a vessel to manifest, rather than being borne of this vessel! Tarnished as Lord of Frenzied Flame is like 95% the same being as Midra as Lord of Frenzied Flame imo. :p

Well, FF is the force opposite of disparity, so, sure. Though, Lor would copy manneurisms and visceral remains of its vessel while the world lasts! It would not dance so magnificently had Midra not secretly been a good dancer himself. Nobody just ever knew, not even himself sfhhd

Song I associate with them:

I'll have a couple!

For some reason, the 'I will survive' here was feeling to me more like a warning of sorts... so, after Midra, it clicked to me! It gives me this sense of dread he has knowing he is now an enemy of existence itself, sooner or later.

(Turn on subtitles on Youtube, it does have translation, just coded in subs!) Not quite Midra as himself! Rather, just unifying effect of Frenzied Flame itself... so, Lord of Frenzied Flame? But hey, when else I will have the chance to share this one?

Favorite picture of them:

I can't find a really cursed image of him that cracked me up, trust me I looked, so have this funi meme instead xD

( x )

[akariarda]

Misunderstanding

Misako comes to talk to Garmadon who is in prison. (Before Lloyd in March of the Oni) Mostly angst.

@ch3rryfl0wr -Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the request, I really enjoyed writing it, and I hope you like it.

"Here we are, mrs.Garmadon." The police officer led Misako to a separate cell in Kryptarium Prison. "All the highest security measures have been taken."

"I see." Misako looked at various cameras that were recording them as they walked down the hallway.

"Here we are," the officer swallowed. "Cell number one. Are you sure you want to be alone, ma'am?"

"Of course," Misako replied, when she saw a concerned look on the officer's face, she smiled slightly.

"Don't worry, I have faith in you and your security measures." Saying that, she let the officer open the door.

"Good luck," he said and hurried away as fast as he could without embarrassing himself.

Misako smiled at that for a few moments before she remembered he had every reason to be afraid.

She took a deep breath and entered the cell.

The room was huge and in the middle was a small cell where Garmadon was located.

He didn't pay attention to her because he was silent. She pulled the handle as a pathway opened.

As she slowly approached the cell where Garmadon was, he looked at her skeptically.

"Garmadon," Misako sighed and said as she reached him.

"What do you want, Misako?" He replied in a cold tone with a hint of surprise.

"I would like to talk," Misako replied. She had so many emotions swirling inside her that she couldn't contain them.

"With whom?" Garmadon asked mockingly.

"I only see one person in the room besides me." Misako retorted angrily.

He had almost provoked her.

"Then you came for no reason," Garmadon said and turned back to his work.

"Garmadon," Misako repeated in a pleading tone and put her hands on the glass.

"What?" Garmadon yelled and turned around. "Leave me alone!"

"Just talk to me!" Misako shouted back at him.

"Why did you even come to talk?" Garmadon angrily asked. "We are on different sides again."

The word 'again' hurt her.

"Yes, but I believe..." Misako started, but Garmadon interrupted her.

"What do you believe, that I can change?" Garmadon asked. "I won't change."

Misako lost her patience. "I think you're not as bad as everyone thinks, that there's still something in you..."

"You're lying!" Garmadon got angry at her and punched the glass with his fists.

"I am not that man anymore. I am my own person. Leave me alone with that! What's done is done, the past! I am not a fool anymore."

When he finished, Misako turned a few steps behind him.

"Do you mean you're glad for everything you've done?" She asked with disbelief.

"I did everything to save Ninjago," Garmadon said.

"You're lying!" Misako approached again. "You almost destroyed it."

"You don't understand anything!" Garmadon yelled at her. "Just like you never understood anything."

Those words stung her so much that tears almost came to her eyes.

'Don't be angry with him,' she reminded herself. 'He is not the same person.'

"You're maybe not a fool anymore," her suppressed anger was stronger than her.

"But do you know who is? Me, because I believed in you and gave you chances all your life!"

"Are you saying that marrying me was a mistake?" Garmadon raised an eyebrow.

She didn't answer, just turned and walked away to hold back her tears.

When she reached the end, she couldn't resist turning around and looking at him.

Garmadon was looking in the other direction and was distracted by what he had read before.

She couldn't see that, but emotions were swirling inside him.

When she got home, she threw the closest thing she could grab as hard as she could against the wall before collapsing onto the bed.

Misako put her head in her hands and cried.

Sensei Garmadon and their life together kept flashing before her eyes. She kept reminding herself not to be angry at the good side of him, the man she knew and loved.

At the same time,Garmadon was looking in the direction she left.

He knew that the old him would never allow this to happen.

He also knew that now he felt emotions that would make him sad and broken. Instead of that, he felt a little bit of nostalgia and a feeling that he didn't even understand anymore.

[blueberrypancakesworld]

Hi there! I really love your lords of chaos stuff and enjoyed what you wrote for the last request I had sent previously, so here’s another idea I wanted go get off the brain. Do you think you could write a male reader that had used to be friends with Euro when they were younger comes into Helvete to see him again? A bit of an odd sight in the store, as they have their hair dyed a reddish color, and is not afraid to rock eyeshadow. At first there’s bickering about not staying in contact, but they warm up to one another and it’s like old times again. And then reader finally works up the courage to properly confess to him, because he chickened out when they were teen, when their alone and surprises Euro with a smooch. Because who wouldn’t wanna kiss him lol?

Old love and an old friend

warning : drinking, smoking, kiss, use of Y/n

info : Thanks for the request dear anon I hope you like it and thanks for your praise it was fun to write :)

masterlist

Disclaimer : I don't want to glorify anything, it's about the actors who play a role, not the real events.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Helvete and the customers were a circle of darkness there was no light and no hope only the blackness the owner would say if you asked him. But it was true, the customers in Helvete were mostly dressed completely in black and chose the black records.

Black like the souls they didn't have. It was a time when he thought about the now or the future of how they would destroy the world. It was a time when the past was all but forgotten. too many things had happened there that he wanted to forget.

Which is why when the doorbell rang, announcing a new customer, it was all the more striking when the bright red mingled with the black. Euroynmous looked up from the till and confusion showed in his gaze, his bright eyes almost blinded by the red. It wasn't a dark hellfire it was the bright red standing out. It was mesmerizing.

But as he looked at the face something flashed, it was the eyeliner around the eyes that looked around with interest. It was the image of a punk, someone else but a metalhead who knew. ,,What's up?" he asked, slowly approaching the other, the black circle was still asleep, the party had gone hard but he, as the owner, couldn't leave his precious store alone.

He tried to look at the face again, it reminded him of someone, someone strange, a young boy as old as he was, but who? What was suddenly different in his head, in his body? Was it the red hair, a distant voice that had told him years ago that red was his favorite color. Who was he?

,,Do you know a certain record?" the stranger asked, holding one of Venom in front of him but putting it down when it didn't seem to be what he was looking for. The eyes that were covered with the eyeliner that Euronymous was so fascinated by almost showed something like bitterness. But why?

Why was the stranger bitter if they didn't know each other or did they? ,,That depends on what you're looking for," Euronymous replied and continued to look at his counterpart, coming a little closer but the stranger didn't move back. He stood still and even seemed to enjoy the closeness. The smell of cigarettes and alcohol and mustiness surrounded them both.

A smell they both knew from when they had leafed through old books of witches and devils in Euronymous' room, the red nail on the fingers of one of them, the cigarette they shared and the stolen beer from their father. ,,I'm looking for do you remember the destroyer of the world, old friend?" asked his counterpart, smiling slightly at him as he seemed to wait for the reaction. A reaction that came.

Destroyer of the world was the name they had both given to the first band they had formed together before his friend Y/n had moved out of town and broken off contact. ,,By Satan Y/n! That's you!" Euronyous exclaimed and immediately pulled him into a hug, holding him close for longer than necessary, afraid of losing him again.

Losing…had he lost him or had they simply grown apart? Something he didn't know what it was but it didn't matter when he saw the grin on the other's face.

,,It's been years, I see you have a record store now," his counterpart said and looked around a little before looking back at Euronymous, the blue of his eyes showing happiness and the heart of both of them beating perhaps too fast for it to be just joy.

,,And you have red hair and pretty good looking eyeliner," Euronymous replied and the two laughed lightly before silence fell between them again and the mood became almost heavy.

It was as if they both didn't know what to say before Euronymous disappeared behind the till, grabbing cigarettes and a couple of bottles of beer. ,,To our old place…and talk?" he asked, already standing in the doorway hoping he'd say yes, that he agreed he didn't want to lose him again.

,,Thought you never ask" the red-haired man muttered and walked after his old friend before they got into the car and drove off. The old place was just a tree on a hill, an old cemetery where they had tried to summon spirits.

Helveret could wait, he had told Y/n it was an ark that wouldn't last long, but neither could they, in the end it was all the same anyway, they had this one life they had to use.

They had both opened the bottle of beer and taken a few sips, ,,You know…I-I never really wanted to leave," he began and Euronymous listened as he watched the sunset, the red in the light competing with the red of his hair. ,,And I didn't want to lose you," Euronymous said, daring to look at the other.

He saw him reach for a cigarette, the eyeliner still around his eyes. It made him look pretty, he had to admit, knowing that his heart wasn't beating because he was reaching for his lighter.

As he picked up his cigarette himself and held the fire underneath. ,,Here…I'm glad you're…here with me now," the black-haired man said and leaned forward, holding his lit cigarette to Y/n's. An indirect kiss before he told him his feelings knew that was why his heart was beating as he pulled back and released the smoke into the sky.

,,Me too," Y/n replied curtly, taking a drag of his own from the cigarette before slowly moving his hand to Euronymous'. He could feel the other watching him, waiting to see if he would withdraw. But he did not. He paused, stood still and tried not to let on.

Euronymous looked from the sun to the other and took another drag of the cigarette, but felt his hand remain on his, tapping him lightly. ,,Can you still remember that summer here under the tree after we took the motorcycle?" he asked, looking at the black-haired man, knowing no, hoping that Euronymous remembered what he couldn't finish back then. But the blue-eyed man's gaze turned almost melancholy at the moment when they were both too scared as teenagers.

They thought they had the world, the night and the day. ,,Yeah, sure, you tried back then-" Euronymous began, turning to his friend as he felt the lips on his. The warm, unforgiving kiss that was soft and yet demanding. The hand that gently pulled him close.

The moment as it was then. ,,Trying to kiss you," his friend replied as they broke away, a grin on both their lips as they leaned against each other, feeling for the first time that they wouldn't grow apart again, that they would stay together and this time forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

[everythingwillsurelybealright]

OOPS don't mind me, it's a frantically written unhinged Black Butler theory post

IMAGINE.

IT'S THE PRESENT DAY.

BLACK BUTLER SEASON 4 IS PARTWAY THROUGH AIRING.

I know nothing about what happens in the manga but THESE THOUGHTS WILL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE.

AND SO: A POST

I present to you; WHAT'S GOING ON AT WESTON COLLEGE, as pieced together entirely by the parts of the Intro that haven't shown up in the show yet.

LET'S SEE WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE

(1) The lake, and something blood-like coming out of it

(2) A tree growing out of the courtyard, and something rising up out of the ground

(3) The Undertaker's medallions show up several times

(4) Imagery of recreating bodies

(5) The Zombies at the end

SO WHAT COULD THIS MEAN? LET'S TAKE A WILD STAB IN THE DARK.

Put these together and I would guess that the Undertaker is 100% involved in the mystery behind the missing students, but also that it's a direct continuation of what he was trying to do on the Worst Boat Trip of All Time. Ie, he's trying to perfect his process of bringing people back from the dead - not just as zombies like last time but as actual functioning people.

Let's add more screenshots to the recipe!

(6) The four elements of Alchemy show up in the intro - Earth, Air, Fire and Water

(7) The four house colours merge together to make a shining new fire - like they did for the cricket competition cup

(8) The shot of a body turning to ash and a shining soul hovering above the remains

So add these to the mix and I'd guess that the new theory of resurrection is based on where the failure in the old one was. Previously, just altering someone's Cinematic Record wasn't enough to really keep them alive after death, as their body kept moving but the soul was gone.

This time it looks like the process might revolve around destroying the old body altogether (ie, turning it to ash), capturing the soul, and building an entirely new body to house it.

ALSO throw into the mix that the four house colours combine into FIRE, since in Alchemy the soul is associated with the idea of Combustibility

Extra symbols for this could be:

(9) The Whole Diamond in the intro which is then split four ways -

leaving a separate smaller diamond to the side (which would be the soul, captured and kept separate from the four elements that make up the rest of the body)

(10) The diamond is present again when the tree is growing in the courtyard, where the implied undead bursts out of the ground

(11) The newly recreated body looking like it's breathing fire, notably against the same backdrop of the school that was present when the diamonds split apart in the first place

Anyway! This new body should in theory be free of the limits of the Cinematic Record (since the old body is already gone), and because the soul is still intact it could freely return to the new body and function normal.

I suspect the Alchemy theme might also be the conceptual connection behind the old body burning (leaving behind the pile of ash) and the new body (or maybe just the soul itself?) being made of fire, like this:

(12)

So that's what I think happened to the students! They were tests to see if the process worked, hidden by the prefects - who may or may not have even known what the process was for or even if it worked.

Either way, with the reappearance of Derrick at the end of Episode 8 I would say that it does indeed work.

But! Also! The mystery of the headmaster.

He's clearly not really there, or not really alive. This could be for a number of reasons but for now I'd guess that (a) he's partway through the process, so his soul is technically around but his new body isn't finished yet, which is why he never speaks and vanished completely when Sebastian tried to grab him, or (b) the process failed on him, but they're keeping him around as a convenient figure head while the prefects run the school instead.

AND ONE MORE THING?

There's always a hovering question mark over what exactly happened to Ciel in his big dark secret backstory that I assume we learn later, but this OP in particular is giving me a few ideas that are probably hugely wrong BUT CONSIDER

(13) In the courtyard the undead rising up out of the ground is in the middle of the frame, and the VERY next shot is of Ciel in the same place

COINCIDENCE? Yes probably! But also:

(14) The shot of Sebastian holding his cloak protectively over Ciel, who flashes briefly as a skeleton

WHICH IS INTERESTING? Ciel is often depicted as dead or dying, I would assume in reference to Sebastian taking his soul in the future. BUT WHAT IF?

It makes me guess that PERHAPS perfect resurrection has already been performed and potentially it was used on Ciel.

Which would also match the brief sequence when the body burns to ash and leaves behind a ghost, the fire seems to come FROM Ciel

(15)

Which is wild and I don't understand whatsoever. Was Ciel resurrected? Was his soul kept and put inside a new body (and maybe that's why he's so short? He's not growing?) Or did Ciel raise someone else from the dead? Or is there some other mystery behind Ciel's identity that just hasn't been hinted at yet?

EITHER WAY THERE WE ARE. BRAIN WORMS: EXPELLED. ENJOY.

[definesanity]

Atone, Intoner.

When One came to, it was dark all around.

She was standing, her body unharmed, her senses less intense than before.

Without much to do, she walked.

She spent her time thinking on what happened; Zero had killed her, yes, but after was a haze; she felt... connected, to her sisters, in a way she could not describe.

The final moments of them singing together played in her head. 'A monster that can only hurt itself and others'... it explains the Intoners perfectly.

She was the 'oldest', and spent her time finding out the origins of herself. It all stemmed back to Zero, but there was no explanation behind it. She had memories of a 'mother' and Zero being a true older sister, but she believes them false.

A speck of white appeared in the black, and as One walked towards it, she was eventually face-to-face, barring the height difference, with Zero.

Zero had a strange expression, somewhere between defeat, annoyance, mild anger and tiredness.

"Hey." she said, finally. She sounded exhausted. One also saw that, while the Flower was gone from Zero's eye, she did not have her eye grow back, nor did she have her prosthetic arm, leaving only a stub.

"Hello," One greeted back. "I did not expect to meet you here, let alone again."

"Mm." Zero made a noise in her throat. Then, she sighed. "It all went wrong, didn't it?"

"An understatement. Still, at least now I finally know the reason for your slaughtering."

"Yeah, a fucking genocidal plant that wanted me to kill everyone. Fuck that."

One raised an eyebrow at that. "You?" she echoed.

"Me," Zero replied. "I was gonna finally die in peace when that bitch grew before me, thinking I wanted to destroy humanity. I didn't hate humanity, I hated the world itself. Unfortunately, it didn't get the memo." Zero looked around the darkness. "And now, here we are in this new shithole. Fucking A."

"Pause..." the Intoner of Knowledge heard something in the rant that made her curious, despite it all. "What do you mean, 'finally die'?"

"I don't have to tell you of all people jack shit." Zero shot back.

"Maybe. But if we're dead, you can't kill me again, can you?"

Zero looked at One with her single rose-coloured eye, then scoffed. "Exactly what I said: I was gonna die."

"You are an Intoner, the Original one, at that, Zero."

"Yeah, but before that Flower found me," she gestured to herself. "I was a human. Although, that's a stretch. I didn't have anything by the time I died, even with my tally. I was, in the literal sense, nothing. Nought. 'Zero'."

Another voice, of which One had not heard in months, spoke up. "But what about us?"

Turning, the Original and the Oldest saw Two. She did not appear catatonic, and instead looked the same as she did when Zero initially attacked the Cathedral City; albeit, more confused, even with her eyes wide and full of life once more.

"Not even a hello?" dryly remarked the white-haired lady, and Two immediately apologised, eyes widening even more.

"Oh, shoot, sorry, Zero! I was just a little surprised, that's all..."

"Eh, forget it: if you're here so are the other cunts. Anyways, the Flower didn't like how I didn't want to follow its way of thinking, so when I tried to kill myself again, it split itself off into five kids. Any guesses?"

"...So you're our mother?" Two jumped into the air as Three suddenly appeared, the slothful girl looking intrigued for the first time in a while.

"No, dipshit, you're technically me."

"You?" One sounded akin to a broken record, but that cannot be blamed.

"Yeah, you all got some aspect of my personality, some more than others, and some having a boost in certain aspects. Like Two; I definitely don't remember having that much of a heart."

"But that, you had some kindness, right?" Two immediately replied like the wind.

"Yeah, for Micheal... and Mikhail." her eyes turned downcast when remembering her dragon. "Oh, that idiot is gonna be alone, isn't he...?"

The three stood in silence for a while, literally and metaphorically.

"Oh, right, you seem a bit calmer now, Two."

"Oh, yeah, that..." Two laughed nervously. "Guess I didn't give you much trouble this time?"

"This time?" One quirked an eyebrow, before grabbing her head at a sharp pain. Thinking about her memories made her realise that some were similar but different. Like swearing, like her brother, like...

"...You stabbed One." Three breathed, her tone a mix of her tiredness and a small bit of awe.

Two looked like a deer being caught. "...Oops??"

"Zero?" One asked.

"...Ah, fuck, you guys remember the Branches..."

"Oh, that's what they're called?"

Zero groaned, as she turned to see Five walking towards them. "Hello, Five. And Four, I can see you."

Four walked from behind Five and marched to Zero. Then, she reeled back her fist and punched--

Zero caught it.

"You. Fucking. Bitch." Four growled out, her eyes filled with fury and her body shaking from sheer rage. "I have more than a few things to say to you!"

"Save it for later, after this." came Zero's reply. She let go of the fist, and looked around. "Well, that makes six. Any others I need to know of?"

Zero half expected to see Accord pop up out of nowhere. Instead, from One's side, that brother of her's appeared.

The Intoners, sans Zero and One, blinked.

"Oh! Hello there!" Two greeted warmly, waving.

"...Hello." the brother greeted back. Actually, fuck it, Zero is going to call him Decimal. He is half of One, so it makes sense.

"Hey." Zero looked at the twin of One, who looked back at her, eyes narrowing as he placed his hand on his blade.

"Zero."

One placed her hand on her twin's. "Stand down. She is not the enemy. Tell me, everyone; what do you last remember?"

"Apart from being stabbed?" Four spat out. "It was singing. Then I sang with you guys. Then nothing until now."

"Same here!" Five gasped. "We are... dead?"

"No; Decimal didn't die, did he?" Zero directed the question to One, who tilted her head.

"Decimal?"

"One, listen; I can sorta respect you. But I'm giving him a name as his older sister."

"That's the first time I think I have heard you use that privilege." One's red eyes displayed curiosity more than anything. "I'm surprised you didn't ground us."

"Maybe when you all were kids."

"Ah, sisters--?"

"I mean, look, okay, I'm an awful person. But I had reasons, you know?"

"Hello--?"

"Reasons that include senseless genocide of our soldiers, per chance?"

"H--"

"Don't start, Three, you fucking experimented on them. You think I would--?"

A sharp whistle cut them off, and Zero exploded. "OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, WHAT?!"

Two pointed. Everyone looked. A glowing portal was on the ground, akin to a hole.

"...Oh. Neat." Zero walked over, and looked through the portal. "..."

Zero looked back. "Right. The Flower found me when I was dying--don't ask--and when I hated the world. That was because of my own growing up."

"See anything you like, Sister?" Five asked.

She pointed to the portal. "So what if, that never happened?"

"What."

Zero sighed. "That building in it. I know it. It's from like, way before the Intoner's time. Go through and find me and get me not to be me."

"Wouldn't that kill us?" Decimal tilted his head in a way similar to One.

"I don't fucking know!" Zero then blinked, as of having a sudden epiphany. "Oh, hang on a second. I have something to do."

Three looked back, tiredly. "What's tha--"

Zero punched Three in the face, knocking the purple-haired girl back as Zero brought out a pair of gauntlets without her noticing.

Three attempted to stand up, but was knocked to the ground by Zero, this time by her foot. Her hair was then grabbed, and forced to look at Zero. She saw her expression, and it was one akin to a disappointed parent.

"Oh, Three, you sweet little bitch." she said it almost fondly, as she let go of Three's hair and punched her in the stomach, causing Three to dry heave from it. "Tell me: Why do you think I'm attacking you?"

Three began to reach for her scissors. "The madness consumes all, in the end--"

A scream of agnoy cut her off, her scream of agnoy, as Zero took a hold of her arm and broke it with a sickening crack.

"Your dolls." Zero spat out. "I had a bit of time to think after I killed you in Branch A, same with everyone, and I could kinda understand everyone, even with Four's fantastical racism problems. But you?" Zero shook her head. "Listen, Three, I'm not sunshine and daisies, but even I know you fucked around too hard."

"What are you taking about?" Three retorted snappily, as she felt herself getting hot with anger. It wasn't often that it happened, but this is a special occasion. "My dolls were perfect. Better!"

"And yet, still not good enough to beat me." Zero dropped Three to the ground, as her gauntlets faded into a sword. Zero's Sword. "You went on a campaign of murder, and for what? A few nice toys to keep in bed, and the others to send off to die to lovely Big Sis Z?"

Three attempted to get up, but the moment she placed pressure on to her broken arm, she yelled and collapsed. "I made the dolls to be perfect!" she repeated, for that was her truth.

Zero leaned down, her single eye almost glowing. "And what of during it?"

Three stopped, and looked at Zero, squinting at her with fury, confusion, tiredness and pain. "The fuck are you rambling on about?"

"Did they scream? Did they plead for mercy? Did they try and convince you otherwise?"

Three scoffed. "Of course they did. They weren't making any sense. I gave them sense--"

A blood-curdling scream ripped its way out of Three's throat. Despite not feeling any pain from the arm itself, Zero breaking her smallest finger made it infinity worse somehow.

"Three. I'm going to give you a simple request." Zero almost looked like an actual big sister as she said this. "Say you are sorry."

"For wha--?!"

The ring finger snapped, and Three screamed again. Her mind caught up with recent events, and as she tried to look for her sisters (and... brother?) for help, she saw them all standing there silently. Four looked pale, and she saw vomit on the floor, but they all remained still, looking at Three.

As if this was right.

"Take your time." Zero said, almost gently, as her fingers closed in around Three's middle finger.

Her mind raced, trying to figure out why this is happening. Her dolls, yes. They were made to be perfect for Three, of which she had personally handcrafted herself. Many hours went into the creation of each one, with some having her forget she needs rest, food, water and sex to keep her alive.

"I... made them." Three began.

"Go on."

"...Is that where the problem in is?"

Zero looked at her.

"...Why--?"

CRACK.

A noise that sounded oddly like an injured wolf made its way from Three's mouth, as she looked and saw said middle finger broken. Only her index finger and thumb remained.

"Don't worry. I'll just heal you. And then we can try again." If Zero had attempted to comfort Three, it did the opposite.

The creation of the dolls...

"Did they scream? Did they plead for mercy? Did they try and convince you otherwise?"

Three's eyes seemed to get less cloudy as she pondered on it. They did, yes...

...Oh. Ethics.

...Oh, fuck.

"Oh, God." blasphemy crawled out of her mouth, as Zero looked with a neutral gaze.

"There are no deities here, other than ourselves. And congrats, you're beginning to realise it."

Three thought more on it. The people she killed... did they have parents? Children? Siblings?

Three looked back at her sisters. She had, on more than one occasion, fantasised about turning them into dolls.

But, then, what would happen to their personalities?

She knows she cannot recreate any of them; having a doll of Two would be cute, but she won't talk, or joke, or laugh, without Three voicing her, and she won't be able to get her personality back.

"I'm sorry." The words felt so foreign to her. Yet, they felt right to say. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry ImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorryImsorry--"

"Shh." Zero cut her off. "No point crying now, is there?"

"...Atonement."

"What."

"'An individual's reconciliation with God by means of repentance and confession of one's transgressions'." Three looked at Zero, almost in wonder. "I... my dolls."

"Yes?"

"They are... hollow. Like a tree. Beautiful on the outside, but on the inside..." it felt strange, having her entire world view shift, but...

She clutched her head with her hands, not realising it was fully healed, and sobbed. Not laugh, or giggle. Sobbed.

That sobbing then turned to crying. And, she then let out of screams of despair, as the reality came to hit her in the face.

She had dolls, yes. But what are dolls, if they cannot be fun to play with?

She screamed for what felt like hours. She then gasped as someone awkwardly placed their arms around her. Looking up, she saw Zero trying to hug her, patting her head gently.

"Pat, pat, gestures that are kind..." she muttered.

The crying stopped, finally. Three shakily got up, as she walked over to the others, who looked at Zero in... fear?

"The rest of ya are also mega fucked up. Minus maybe Two. So I'm going to tell you something: Go into that portal. Find me. And raise me to never become this."

They all stood in silence. Then, Four walked to the portal, the glowing surface on the ground.

"What about you?" One asked.

"Eh."

Five went in first. Then Four. Then Three. Then Two. Then Decimal.

"See you later... Sister." One said. Zero rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Same with you. Sis."

One went into the portal. The last of Zero she saw was her smiling face.

A small, real, genuine smile.

[t4ct1c4l-fluk3]

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out

Every morning the maple leaves.

Every morning another chapter where the hero shifts

from one foot to the other. Every morning the same big

and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out

You will be alone always and then you will die.

So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog

of non-definitive acts,

something other than the desperation.

Dear So-and-So, I'm sorry I couldn't come to your party.

Dear So-and-So, I'm sorry I came to your party

and seduced you

and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.

Your want a better story. Who wouldn't?

A forest, then. Beautiful trees. And a lady singing.

Love on the water, love underwater, love, love and so on.

What a sweet lady. Sing lady, sing! Of course, she wakes the dragon.

Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly

flames everywhere.

I can tell already you think I'm the dragon,

that would be so like me, but I'm not. I'm not the dragon.

I'm not the princess either.

Who am I? I'm just a writer. I write things down.

I walk through your dreams and invent the future. Sure,

I sink the boat of love, but that comes later. And yes, I swallow

glass, but that comes later.

And the part where I push you

flush against the wall and every part of your body rubs against the bricks,

shut up

I'm getting to it.

For a while I thought I was the dragon.

I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was

the princess,

cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle,

young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with

confidence

but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess,

while I'm out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire,

and getting stabbed to death.

Okay, so I'm the dragon. Bid deal.

You still get to be the hero.

You get the magic gloves! A fish that talks! You get eyes like flashlights!

What more do you want?

I make you pancakes, I take you hunting, I talk to you as if you're

really there.

Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?

Let me do it right for once,

for the record, let me make a thing of cream and stars that becomes,

you know the story, simply heaven.

Inside your head you hear a phone ringing

and when you open your eyes

only a clearing with deer in it. Hello deer.

Inside your head the sound of glass,

a car crash sound as the trucks roll over and explode in slow motion.

Hello darling, sorry about that.

Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we

lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell

and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.

Especially that, but I should have known.

You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together

to make a creature that will do what I say

or love me back.

I'm not really sure why I do it, but in this version you are not

feeding yourself to a bad man

against a black sky prickled with small lights.

I take it back.

The wooden halls likes caskets. These terms from the lower depths.

I take them back.

Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.

Crossed out.

Clumsy hands in a dark room. Crossed out. There is something

underneath the floorboards.

Crossed out. And here is the tabernacle

reconstructed.

Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all

forgiven,

even though we didn't deserve it.

Inside your head you hear

a phone ringing, and when you open your eyes you're washing up

in a stranger's bathroom,

standing by the window in a yellow towel, only twenty minutes away

from the dirtiest thing you know.

All the rooms of the castle except this one, says someone, and suddenly

darkness,

suddenly only darkness.

In the living room, in the broken yard,

in the back of the car as the lights go by. In the airport

bathroom's gurgle and flush, bathed in a pharmacy of

unnatural light,

my hands looking weird, my face weird, my feet too far away.

And the the airplane, the window seat over the wing with a view

of the wing and a little foil bag of peanuts.

I arrived in the city and you met me at the station,

smiling in a way

that made me frightened. Down the alley, around the arcade,

up the stairs of the building

to the little room with the broken faucets, your drawings, all your things,

I looked out the window and said

This doesn't look that much different from home,

because it didn't,

but then I noticed the black sky and all those lights.

We walked through the house to the elevated train.

All these buildings, all that glass and the shiny beautiful

mechanical wind.

We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too,

smiling and crying in a way that made me

even more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I

just couldn't say it out loud.

Actually, you said Love, for you,

is larger than the usual romantic love. It's like a religion. It's

terrifying. No one

will ever want to sleep with you.

Okay, if you're so great, you do it—

here's the pencil, make it work . . .

If the window is on your right, you are in your own bed. If the window

is over your heart, and it is painted shut, then we are breathing

river water.

Build me a city and call it Jerusalem. Build me another and call it

Jerusalem.

We have come back from Jerusalem where we found not

what we sought, so do it over, give me another version,

a different room, another hallway, the kitchen painted over

and over,

another bowl of soup.

The entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell.

Unfortunately, we don't have that kind of time.

Forget the dragon,

leave the gun on the table, this has nothing to do with happiness

Let's jump ahead to the moment of epiphany,

in gold light, as the camera pans to where

the action is,

lakeside and backlit, and it all falls into frame, close enough to see

the blue rings of my eyes as I say

something ugly.

I never liked that ending either. More love streaming out the wrong way,

and I don't want to be the kind that says the wrong way.

But it doesn't work, these erasures, this constant refolding of the pleats.

There were some nice parts, sure,

all lemondrop and mellonball, laughing in silk pajamas

and the grains of sugar

on the toast, love love or whatever, take a number. I'm sorry

it's such a lousy story.

Dear Forgiveness, you know that recently

we have had our difficulties and there are many things

I want to ask you.

I tried that one time, high school, second lunch, and then again,

years later, in the chlorinated pool.

I am still talking to you about help. I still do not have

these luxuries.

I have told you where I'm coming from, so put it together.

We clutch our bellies and roll on the floor . . .

When I say this, it should mean laughter,

not poison.

I want more applesauce. I want more seats reserved for heroes.

Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you.

Quit milling around the yard and come inside

[dual-fantasy]

FANON SVETLANA. FROTHS AT THE MOUTH. can people please be for real for a Second. like mike shes actually kind of a bad person but cause shes a strong woman the mind of a total drama fan can only comprehend her being motherly. I think she should also be allowed to try and kill scott. shes equally as cool and awful as mike. if not more. in my dream post total drama au shes just worst because she deserves to be. I think vito is easily one of the funniest total drama characters hands down. everything about him even just in canon is fucking hilarious. the italian superstrength of course isn't realistic but it's the funniest thing to me. especially since most of the total drama fandom doesn't even question it hes just like that. he has a bunch of random skills nobody knows about. he probably doesnt either. anne marias car gets fucking wrecked like crumpled into a compact silver ball its shocking she made it out. he fixes it in 10 minutes with his hands and a plastic fork that survived the crash. hes completely and utterly stupid but only at common things to know. he cant do algebra but he can name every invasive insect species in history documented and otherwise. him and anne maria date for like a year after total drama but he leaves her for cars and men. he tries to help cameron work out once and it goes horribly wrong cameron gets hurt in ways nobodies ever been hurt before. doctors scientists priests etc are all dumbfounded. same thing happens when he brings cameron to literally just sit and watch him work at the mechanics. nobody even knows how he got hurt he just did. camerons not allowed within 50 feet of something metal anymore cause itll get him violently injured in a way that defies all science and god. anne maria is also underrated and so fucking funny. she records it every single time mike and scott fight. she encourages it. she bets at least ten dollars on mike. i think jomaria is so real but in ways nobody else understands. they show up to the Scike Fights together those are dates to them. svetmaria as well but in an awful gritty girlfailure way. my person headcanon(??) is that the reset button was completely made up. mike wanted off the show and it was the only way to get chris to leave them alone. once he was off the show he became so much cooler. but stereotypical cool bully kid in a movie kind of cool(think like... leather jacket) and nobody has the heart(and healthcare) to tell him that it doesn't actually look cool. most of his shirts are stained with Scott Blood. he acts like the type of guy to smoke but he tried it once and almost died. coughed and choked for at least an hour. the same with drinking he acts like he does but he needs emotional support to take a shot. when he actually gets drunk(after crying and gagging 10 times) hes just stupid and pathetic. he learns how to speak up for himself and he gets into fights but hes a loser boyfailure at heart. he rants to brick about a stupid pirated movie hes been watching while he washes the Scott Blood out from under his nails. he is the crywank and mccafferty boy ever but not in a sad way. just in a way you have to understand. Grave Dog

I have a lot of thoughts about the treatment of women in total drama. I'll probably make a whole post about it but it's actually kinda sickening that so many fans still treat women the way they do. fanon Svetlana is my 13th reason I stg. she should be worse. she should be strangling people. she should be biting and clawing and kicking. I love her. she deserves it.

Vito is literally the funniest total drama character I think. his entire existence is so funny to me. the Italian superstrength is an extra funny concept because the fandom doesn't question it, but also the contestants don't either. they all just accept that sometimes Vito can do stuff. randomly. he knows how to make like every poison ever and also he cannot fucking count. the car crash concept is so funny to me too. she brings it to him and it's fucking destroyed and they all look away and he's already fixed it. he does leave her for cars and men. he gives me grease (1978) energy but if grease was a little bit more faggoty and rocky horror picture show (1975). the Cameron concept made me burst out laughing. literally fucking incredible. Cameron gets hit by a car family-guy Brian-fucking-dies style while Vito is driving his dumbass convertible that's made out of cardboard, mod podge, and a tin can.

I also think that Manitoba smith is hilarious to me. it might just be the Australian in me but he means everything to me. he's canonically married? noone talks about that? he mentions his wife? when what who where why? and also I think he knows a lot about genuine Australian culture that noone should know unless they've been to Australia. he has literally never left Canada but he knows everything. he says "I'mgunna run down to wollies to snag lamingtons n a Bundaberg, wunna want?" and everyone stares at him like he's fucking insane. he warns everyone of dropbears. he calls them Zooper doopers. literally noone knows where he got this from.

I agree that the reset button was the only way to get Chris to leave him alone. noone wanted to get brought back so they decided that they would just. lie. and get off of the show. Chris didn't know it was fake he did literally no research whatsoever. chef knew it was fake but he didn't say anything because he understood the want to get off the show.

Anne Maria is soooo underrated it's insane. her elimination was actually iconic. even tho it's a fake diamond she could still sell it for a pretty decent price. it's a massive fucking jewel she could still scam someone with it. it's amazing actually. she means everything to me. jomaria so real they watch mike beat the shit out of Scott. Anne Maria is running bets and jo is charging admission to watch. they make so much money. also I believe in jo/Anne Maria/Svetlana. they beat up scott together. I love them.

mike is such a poser he's literally amazing. his shirts are all stained with blood (mainly Scott's) but if he ever tried to drink vodka he would shrivel up and die. he is the lightest weight ever. brick is holding his hair back while he's vomiting and threatening Scott (who hasn't been there for 10 minutes) after he took a singular shot. he is literally the worst and my personal favourite. Jo helps him wash blood out of his jeans while he's gossiping with Anne maria. I completely understand the McCafferty and crywank guy he's also the front bottoms and modern baseball. you're so real always

[sleepyblr-heart]

now that my girl's poll is up on @original-character-championship (btw, go vote for her) now is a WONDERFUL time to talk about her and her... well it is a life, that's for sure.

let's start from the beginning! (well.. not very beginning, i'll save that for another day.)

Present's girlfriend, Baton (any pronouns), is a show host, and is going to be recording in a special studio which is out of the country, so they walk to the airport together (neither of them can drive) and Present wishes Baton good luck on the show.

Unfortunately on her way home she's kidnapped. To compete on a different show. Called Battle For Penis (BFP for short.) Which is hosted by BFP host (he/him) on T Island. In fact all of the contestants were kidnapped for this. Including one person, Named Fog (he/they).

Present and Fog are placed on the same team, and get along great! They become friends, which Present doesn't typically have a lot of. Luckily nothing ever happens between those two!! And wowie, BFP has set up some popularity polls for the contestants!!!

Present turns out to be the fan favorite, so like any normal person BFP get Fog to put a spell (which he did not fully read) on Present. Just so she has purple eyes. Which was to keep track of her.

As a surprise to no-one The Spell Which Was Not Fully Read has Other Effects. Mainly, Present is now cursed with future vision. She isn't exactly aware of this for a while, just kind of assuming she'd having weird dreams and stuff. Until, you know, she foresees the death of one of the debuting contestants. You know. Normal things. Let's talk abt those contestants btw.

3 people debut instead of the intended 1 thanks to BFP losing his job and not having the funding to run another round of polls but this ain't about him so let's not worry about that! The 2 people that join Present and Fog on their team are Candy heart (he/they), who is Present's childhood bestie, and Snowglobe (she/they), a person who had been dead for 6 years thanks to a recovery machine malfunction.

They team up, they get along well, a challenge happens, someone almost gets crushed to death by a chandelier, someone else DOES get crushed to death by a chandelier while no one's around, all things that normally happen. Everyone besides Snowglobe is gathered round for elimination, and Present puts together that if Snow isn't here, then she's probably dead.

She leaves the group as soon as possible looking for Snowglobe, instead finding... A black ooze full of eyes, and a VERY dead body crushed under the chandelier. This is Snowglobe, and after some explanations from them about how she's a body snatcher and that she Will die unless she can find a host (Which she does NOT want to do because that means taking over someone's life) Present insists on letting her use her body. Eventually, Snowglobe agrees, her body disintegrates, and she takes over Present's body.

They work together for a bit to try to get Snowglobe a new body that is Not already a person, until they both realize that Snowglobe separating would kill Present in the same way that it destroyed her own body. Luckily, Baton is brought on as a replacement for Snowglobe (since she was also featured on the debut-er polls) and is able to get help from someone off the island, meaning that Present and Snowglobe are guaranteed to be revived when they separate.

They do separate, and are revived soon after at different recover centers, but they meet back up and are soon taken back to the island BFP is hosted on to continue competing.

After another challenge Fog decides that putting a bunch of people in a pocket dimension is a Good Idea, and puts the other team of competitors (including Baton and a few of her friends). Present and Snow realize something is wrong, and find the Big Fucking Fire which leads to the pocket dimension. Snow goes into investigate and hopefully find the others, leaving Present alone on the island.

Ok so this is the part where gods get involved. Mainly just to tell Present she's part of a prophecy, and that there's (apparently) a person who wants to end the world and She has to go deal with that. As you can guess she is very not on board and tries very hard to deny the possibility of her saving the world, but ultimately agrees to try.

Then a bunch of shenanigans happen Snowglobe accidentally get petrified by a god, Present is dragged in Fog's pocket dimension along with a god, she spends like. A month pushing around the statue of her Very Good Pal hoping to find an exit from what would be the closest thing to hell if hell did not exist... Se can jump over most of that. What's important is that They find a way out, and are brought to Present's house thanks to some divine help.

Speaking of divine, Another god (Yellow) Drops the news that he Accidently Made Present A Demi-God like Right After She Had a VERY REALISTIC vision of Baton coming home (he's still very much in the pocket dimension at that time btw.) So y'know. Wonderful timing!

anyways I'm leaving that on a cliff hanger. I can only be so insane at one time. (however any questions you may have i am Very happy to answer) Remember!! Go vote for Present!! Or Don't!! Honestly, whether she wins or not, either outcome is very funny to me!

[queen-haq]

Alive - Part 20

Summary: Aidan traced the thin chain around his neck, rubbing the infinity pendant between his fingers. No longer a symbol of their everlasting love, it was something he touched in anger when he thought of Sage. It was the only thing of hers that still remained with him after eight years, the last possession which still connected them together. When he 4did find Sage again, and he would no matter how long it took, he planned to destroy the pendant - and her.

Taking place across two timelines, Alive tells the story of Aidan and Sage, high school sweethearts driven apart by who they are and where they come from. Once enemies then lovers, their relationship runs full circle when they meet again in the present, now prepared to destroy each other.

My Masterlist (contains links to previous parts)

Then...

Sage's first week back in school had her staying late every day to catch up on all the work that was missed during her expulsion. It was hectic, and she went through the motions like clockwork, keeping herself constantly busy. David was worried about her but was smart enough to leave her alone and she was grateful for it. Almost on cue, Cat's loud, flirtatious voice drifted from a few tables down to drag Sage back to reality. "

"Aidan, stop it!" Cat squealed dramatically, laughing.

This was the first time Sage was having lunch in the courtyard since her return, and it was a stark reminder of why she'd avoided the place for so long.

"We don't have to stay here, we can go to the back," David offered.

Watching Aidan and Cat flirt a few feet away was bad enough, but what made it worse was the gnawing dread from waiting for the inevitable to happen. It was only a matter of time before Aidan spilled the intimate details of her relationship with him. Everyone would find out she'd slept with him, all those deeply personal things she'd said in confidence to him, and her entire life would be open to ridicule. "I can't run every time I see them together. I just have to suck it up and deal with it."

"Why the fuck does Aidan keep looking over here?"

She was grateful to have her back turned to them. "Ignore him."

"Not that easy to do when he's glaring at us."

"Do you want to switch seats?"

It was David's turn to send her an irritated glance. "You know, you don't need to pretend everything is fine. We're friends. If you want to cry or scream or bitch about them, I'll listen."

"There's nothing to bitch about. I did something stupid and now I need to move on."

"He fucked you over. You're not the type to take something like that lying down."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't want to fight anymore. It's exhausting."

"How are things at home? I hope you don't have to see them there."

"He's not allowed to come over anymore. And Cat's Cat, just a lot more smug. She loves to remind me how stupid I was about Aidan."

"Want me to kill her for you?"

Mimicking his deadpan tone, Sage shook her head 'no'. "She's not worth going to prison for."

"Just think, we'll be outta here in a few months. No more losers, just lots of hotties to keep us busy."

"Only if I get into college. Don’t exactly have a great record, remember?"

David huffed. "Must you let your crappy reality get in the way of my awesome fantasy?"

Sage chuckled. "Ok, fine." She leaned forward, resting her chin on her palm. "We'll be roomies in college, and we'll date really hot twins. Yours will be a-"

"A hockey player. Oh, wait! No, not hockey-"

"He'll play hockey, football, soccer. Whatever you want."

"And guitar. My boo has to know how to play guitar."

"So a future rock star on a sports scholarship?"

"Fuck that!" David's face twisted into a disgusted scowl. "I don't do poor."

Sage laughed.

"And yours? What's he gonna be like?" David prodded.

A sharp bolt of despair cut through her attempt at normalcy, she swallowed the lump in her throat. Two weeks ago she'd been fantasizing about a future with Aidan. Now, she was determined to never see him again. Just when she thought her composure would crack, David reached out to hold her other hand. "Your twin’s going to be awesome. Smart, sweet." David paused, squeezing her hand. "Nothing like him."

Sage sent back a half-hearted smile. "Promise?"

"Yes, you loser. I promise." David winked at her. "We’ll have an awesome life. You'll see."

For a moment Sage actually believed him, until the thought of Aidan and Cat pulled her swiftly out of that fantasy. Maybe David was right about the future, and things would get better. For now, however, she still had to find a way to live through the hell that was her life now.

*****

Sage was caught somewhere in dreamland when the nonstop ringing of her cell phone abruptly woke her up. Thinking it was the alarm going off, she tried shutting it off only to realise it was Aidan calling. Immediately she sat up straight, staring at the screen. It was past two in the morning. After everything that happened, why was he calling her? Her first instinct was to answer. In those moments when her control slipped and she allowed herself to remember, her heart ached for him. There had been no closure between them, no time for her to process that things were over – something Aidan didn't seem to struggle with as he'd moved on to Cat the very next day. Then again, it's not like he'd ever actually loved her, which he'd openly professed.

The phone stopped ringing. Maybe he'd dialled her number by accident trying to reach Cat, Sage mused bitterly, and then chastised herself for it. It was better for her to suppress her feelings than wallow in them, because, otherwise, it meant Cat and Aidan had won.

Her phone buzzed again, this time with a text message notification. 

"I miss you."

Sage sat there dumbfounded, gawking at her phone. Did he take her for an idiot? How could he possibly think she would respond to him after he'd been flirting with Cat day after day, flaunting their reconciliation in her face? Or maybe she was over-thinking the whole thing. Maybe Aidan was looking for a quick fuck and figured he would try his luck again with her since she'd slept with him so easily before.

She turned off her phone, set it back on the table, and crawled back under the covers. It was a while before she felt relaxed enough to sleep again.

The next morning she was getting ready for school when another text message from Aidan popped up on her phone. 

"Meet me at out spot at 9. Please."

All her determination to stay composed dissipated in an instant; rage coursed through her veins. Acting on pure instinct she rushed out of her room and into the main house to look for Cat, whom she found in the kitchen, drinking a smoothie.

"Tell your boyfriend to stop harassing me! I'm not his goddamn fuck buddy!"

Before Cat could respond, Sage stormed out.

*****

Later that day, despite having to walk past Aidan several times in the hallway, Sage felt a lot more in control of herself. Although his gaze remained fixated on her every time their paths crossed, it was easier to ignore him knowing he wouldn't approach her with others around – he wouldn't risk word getting back to her sister. 

An hour later Sage was at her locker to grab a textbook when Aidan came up behind her, startling her with his sudden appearance.

"How long are you going to keep avoiding me?"

She didn't respond, she didn't even look at him.

"I know I fucked up. I shouldn't have given you an ultimatum about mom," he said. "I was just so pissed off at you that day, and I know I said shitty things. I didn't mean it, any of it. You know that, don't you?" His voice quivered with raw emotion. "I'm so sorry."

He was close, too close. She slammed her locker shut and tried to walk away but he blocked her path, trapping her against the wall.

"I say fucked up things when I lose my temper. It's just a heat of the moment thing, it's not personal. It never means anything. You've done it too," he reminded her. "When we fight, that's just how it is. That's who we are, and then we get over it and move on. Remember?"

Was it really that simple for him? His declaration of hate was seared into her brain, ready to taunt and torment the second she thought of him, and while it was true she'd said horrible things in the past she'd regretted them instantly. He, on the other hand, had clung to that rage, using her sister as a weapon to punish her.

"Say something. Please."

Refusing to even glance at him, she focused her attention on his neck and realised he was wearing her necklace. A part of her wanted to rip it away from him immediately but she didn't want to do anything that would betray her emotions.

"How do I fix this? Tell me."

How could he sound so sincere now when only a few days ago he'd been cruel and callous, and sucking face with her sister? What was wrong with her that she was actually considering speaking to him?

"Talk to me, Sage. Say something."

He leaned in closer, resting his forehead against hers. She felt his breath hum against her cheeks, the touch of his fingers stroking hers, and her body trembled at his close proximity. How could being with him feel so right when she knew how little he really felt for her?

"I know you're angry right now. I was too. I was so fucking mad until I realised I was about to lose you. But I can't do that, Sage. I can't be without you, and I know you feel the same. We're stuck with each other. That's how it's meant to be."

She swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I'm fucking empty without you, I'm nothing, a complete mess. You make everything in my life better. You make me better. You get that, don't you?"

He cradled her face, gently nudging her to meet his gaze, and she was struck by the deep pools of emotion in his eyes. It would be so easy to drown in them and forget all the pain.

"What we have is amazing. It's special. It's worth fighting for. So scream at me. Yell at me. Hit me. Punch me. I don't mind, I can take it. As long as it makes things right between us again, I'll do whatever you want."

The bell rang; the hallway started to fill up with students. The whispers grew louder, their stares more blatant; Sage realised they were the center of attention.

His voice was hoarse with tears when he spoke again. "I... love you. I'm sorry it took me this long to admit it but I've never said those words to anyone. Not my parents, not... anyone. Except you."

David's words resurfaced in her mind, reminding her of how easily Aidan had dismissed their relationship to Cat. If Aidan's feelings were true, sincere, he wouldn't have felt the need to hide them.

"I love you, Sage."

It was the final straw; she couldn't take it anymore. Using all her energy, she pushed him away. "I want my necklace back," she said, amazed by her own ability to sound so serene when her heart was bursting with pain. "Give it to Theo, not your girlfriend. I’ll get it back from him.”

She walked away, ignoring the anguished look on Aidan's face and the hushed murmurs of everyone watching them.

*****

The rumour mill seemed to have gone into overdrive after her public confrontation with Aidan two days ago. It seemed like everywhere Sage turned, there were people whispering about her. She used to think being called a terrorist and other racial slurs were bad enough, but now they gossiped about her being a slut and it stung worse.

A while back when things were still good some girl had walked in on Aidan and her in the bathroom. Now that everyone seemed to be curious about them, the freshman was sharing details and enjoying her moment in the sun. Every day there seemed to be a different version of the hookup, the rumors snowballed and now there were stories about Sage fucking multiple guys, even having full- on orgies. It was absolutely ridiculous but the assholes at Belleville were happy to spread the lies. It was degrading, and she'd come close to losing her temper many times but she forced herself to ignore them. She couldn’t afford to get in any more trouble. And knowing the school administration, they’d blame her for any confrontations.

Aidan hadn't shown up in school since their last fight. Neither had Cat. Sage figured he ran to her sister for comfort and now the two were probably holed up in his place, fucking each other's brains out. People always gossiped that Aidan and Cat ended up together no matter what. If only she’d listened.

The bell rang, snapping her out of her reverie. Knowing the hallway would be crowded if she were to go out there now, she lingered in class for several minutes. Asking Mr. Smith inane questions about the study material was far preferable to dealing with the assholes waiting out there to taunt her.

*****

Sage exited the school, relieved to find the parking lot practically empty save for a few students hanging around. As she neared her car, it became clear one of the back tires was flat. Someone had stuck a pin in it.

She circled around to inspect for more damages and spotted a piece of paper stuck in the front windshield. Her body tensed as she picked it up to read it.

Eat my dick at lunch tomorrow? I'll pay more if you swallow. Whore.

Sage ripped it up and threw it to the ground.

"Looks like you need a ride."

She turned around to find Theo standing a few feet away, looking down at the punctured tire. "Nothing gets past you, does it?"

He smiled. "Bad day?"

"Bad year."

"Come on, I'll give you a ride home."

"My car-"

"We'll have one of dad's drivers fix up the tire and drop it off at home."

That sounded a far better option than waiting here. "Thanks."

Shortly after they were on their way, with Theo zooming along the road while Sage stared out the window. The car was filled with awkward silence which wasn't unexpected. Except for a handful of occasions, like the time he'd urged her not to hurt his best friend, they barely hung out or even spoke. She pondered making conversation but, frankly, wasn't in the mood.

"I don't know what's going on with you and Aidan but can you talk to him? He's so fucked up right now."

Sage clenched her jaw. "He's not my problem."

"That's a shitty thing to say. I thought you liked him."

She turned to face him. "And I thought he wasn't an asshole. Guess we were both wrong."

"I knew the two of you were a bad idea!" Theo smacked his hand against the steering wheel in frustration. "I told him to stay away from you. I told him it was a big mistake!"

"Now you can rub it in his face and gloat." She plastered on a fake smile. "Every cloud has a silver lining, right?"

He shot her an irritated glance before turning his attention back on the road. After a short bout of silence, he spoke again. "You really don't give a shit, do you?"

"I don't. Not anymore," she lied.

"He cares about you.”

A bitter laugh escaped her lips. "He'll get over it. Faster, if you dangle Cat in front of him."

"Fuck, no! She's messed him up way worse than you."

Which only proved Aidan's feelings for Cat were a lot more intense. Sage swallowed the lump in her throat. "Look, he has a chain of mine which means a lot to me. Can you get it back from him?"

"Why should I help you when you won't help me?"

Sensing Theo's frustration, she paused, choosing her next words with caution. "You're worried about him. I get that. And yeah, he's probably in a bad place right now, but once things blow over he'll be fine. Think about all those times he and Cat broke up. Things eventually went back to normal, right?”

Theo nodded begrudgingly. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Well, it'll be the same again. Probably quicker." As much as it hurt to admit, she knew it was the truth. "It's better to cut off all ties now instead of dragging things along indefinitely. He'll move on faster."

"You sound so sure."

"Because I am." Her heart ached; she felt sick. "You were right, Aidan and I were a huge mistake. Things should have ended a long time ago."

"He seemed so happy though. He was actually making plans for college; he's never done that before."

Sage gave her brother a small smile, shrugging her shoulders. "He was excited about frat parties."

Theo didn't respond, instead watching her curiously. She turned away from him, reminding herself to keep it together.

*****

The next day at school she was sitting by herself in the courtyard, working on an assignment while waiting for David to join her for lunch. There were people snickering behind her, catcalling and saying shit, but she willed herself to ignore them. If this was what was in store for her until graduation, she had to find a way to cope with it – sooner the better.

She looked up and suddenly froze at the sight of Aidan striding towards her at a fast pace. She didn't realise he was back in school. Aidan slid onto the spot next to her on the bench, grabbing her pen away from her hand. She turned to glare at him, finding it difficult to remain apathetic when he was sitting so close. It wasn't bad enough that his eyes were focused and penetrating right through her, but she also sensed everyone else staring at them. "Leave me alone," she said, surprised by her own calmness.

"You're not getting your necklace back. Want to know why?"

"Because you're an asshole?"

"Because you gave it to me. You gave it to me. I didn't ask you for it, I even told you I didn't want it because I knew how important it was to you. But you looked right at me, and you told me you loved me, and you said you wanted me to have it. You chose to do that; I didn't force you into it. You don't get to change your mind now just because we're going through a bad phase."

Heat spread across her cheeks, both from anger and embarrassment. Why was he bringing up something private? Was he trying to put on a show for his friends? She moved to stand up but his fingers curved around her elbow, pulling her down again.

"Tell me how to fix things between us." There was a frightening desperation in his eyes. "Because I can't stand this anymore."

"There is no fixing things. We're done."

"Fuck you!" he bit out, leaning in closer. "I love you, and you love me. We're not done."

Her resolve to remain unaffected dissolved right away. "Oh, were you showing me how much you loved me when you hooked up with Cat again? Was that why you had your tongue down her throat every time I turned around?"

"That was a mistake." His voice softened, his eyes flashed with regret. "I was pissed and wanted to hurt you. That's all. People do it all the time."

She wanted to laugh at the utter ridiculousness of his words. Seeing him with Cat, day in and day out, had devastated her and made her feel more worthless than she could have imagined. Yet here he was, using anger to justify all of his actions – probably a lesson he learned from his parents.

"I know it was stupid, I shouldn't have done it," he continued. "I swear it'll never happen again."

No longer concerned about the attention, she pried his fingers off her arm and stood up. Filled with contempt, she glared down at him. "You think I believe you? You're a filthy. Fucking. Liar. And I don't want you around me."

Grabbing her things haphazardly, she tried to walk away but he was fast and stealthy and blocked her path before she could leave.

"Hey dude, be careful. It's my turn with her after lunch and I don’t like ‘em all bruised up," yelled Jordan. A friend of Aidan’s, he stood a few feet away, enjoying the howling laughter his words elicited with the crowd. 

Tears threatened to overwhelm her but she refused to give into them. Not in front of Aidan. Not anyone else. They could try and break her but she would never let them win. No matter what. Her jaw clenched, she leveled Aidan with a hostile stare. "Get the fuck out of my way. Or I'll start spilling secrets that you don't want your friends to know."

His eyes turned cold, his face blank. She waited for him to hurl insults at her but he remained quiet, his gaze boring into her. Finally he moved away, swaggering towards the table where Jordan and the rest of his group was at.

One minute everyone was hollering and cheering on Aidan as he approached them. The next Aidan had grabbed Jordan by the neck, pulled him to the ground, and started beating on him viciously.

Her first instinct was to rush towards Aidan, stop him from making a huge mistake. Instead, she walked back into the school building.

***

Now...

Sage stepped out of the shower, grabbed a fresh towel from the shelf and started drying herself. Catching her reflection in the mirror, she scrutinised her naked body. Shit. She looked the same. What the hell? After finally managing to carve out some time for the gym (something she'd been putting off for months now), she'd been killing herself during work-outs, hoping to see results sooner rather than later. Yet, there was no change in her body. The trainers did say it would take at least six weeks to see any improvements, and it had barely been a month, but she was running out of patience.

"Mommy, someone's knocking."

Snapping out of her pity party, Sage slipped into a robe. "Okay, I'll be there in a sec."

"Can I open it?"

Sage quickly swung the bathroom door open and found her seven-year-old daughter staring up at her. An eager smile curved the little girl's face, her beautiful brown eyes – so very similar to Layal's – shining with excitement.

"Can I?"

As hard as it was, especially with Ziyah playing the doe-eyed part to perfection, Sage shook her head 'no'. "Honey, you can't. You're not old enough, remember?" As the knocks grew more insistent, Sage made her way out of the master bedroom, heading to the entrance door located at the end of the hallway. Ziyah followed beside her, tugging at her arm. "I'll be right there," Sage yelled, hoping they could hear her over Ziyah's loud pleas.

"But you said I could when I turned eight."

"Are you eight now?"

"No, but I'll be eight soon," Ziyah whined.

Sage tried a different approach. "When you're tall enough to look through the peephole, then you can answer the door."

"What if I never get that big?"

"You will, if you eat the vegetables I give you instead of pushing them around."

"No! I hate vegetables! They're so gross!" Ziyah stormed back into the den but not before sticking her tongue out at Sage defiantly.

"Big girls don't have temper tantrums!" Sage called after her. Turning around she opened the door, and found David waiting for her on the other side, wearing the same disgruntled expression as Ziyah.

"Geez, took you long enough!" he huffed, handing her one of his bags. "Don't just stand there, help me."

"What are you doing here?" She pulled the rest of his things inside. "You're supposed to be here tomorrow night."

"Oh, is this not convenient? Should I come back tomorrow?"

Sage gave him an exasperated smile, shutting the door behind him. Her best friend may have been an adult but there were times when he could just as bratty as her daughter. "No need to be so snippy, drama queen. I'm just surprised you were able to get up here without security stopping you."

"Pretty boy Rob was about to call you but I told him not to bother.”

"Seriously? He just let you come up here?"

"Maybe I’m his type.”

"Maybe you blew him.”

"Now who's being snippy?" David pointed out. "And as to why I'm here early. Let's just say Patrick isn't too happy with me right now and I needed some extra loving from my favourite girls."

"Aw." Sage encircled him in her arms and gave him a tight hug before pulling back to examine him. David was always in a jovial mood but today his eyes were red, like he'd been crying. "You alright?"

"I'm fine. Nothing wine can't cure."

"Something tells me the one bottle I have won't be enough."

"Oh honey, think more. Think at least five."

"Looks like I'll have to make a pit stop at the liquor store."

"Uncle David?" Ziyah squealed. Her long braid swung side to side as she ran towards them from the opposite end of the hallway. Upon reaching David, she wrapped her arms around his legs. In turn he picked her up, playfully nuzzling her while she giggled hysterically.

"Is this my Ziyah?" he teased. "I didn't even recognize you, munchkin. You're so big now!"

"Tell Mommy that!"

Curbing back a smile, Sage gave her daughter a stern look. "What do you think Uncle David will say about the hissy fit you threw?"

"Uh oh." David tapped Ziyah's nose lightly. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!"

"Nothing, Ziyah? Really?" Sage asked, reaching up to brush the hair away from her daughter's face. "Munchkin over here just yelled at me."

"That's not nice, hun."

"But she was being mean!" Ziyah whined, playing with the necklace around David's neck. "You were knocking, and I asked her if I can open it, and she said no."

"Seems like Mommy wasn't being very nice either."

"David!" Sage glared at him with disbelief. "She can't be opening the door. What if it was a stranger?"

Realising his mistake, David affected a disciplinary tone. "Mommy's right, Ziyah. It could be a stranger and we shouldn't be opening doors for them."

"But you're not a stranger." She wrapped her chubby arms around his head and squeezed him with a tight grip.

"Okay, smarty pants," he said, dropping a kiss on her forehead. "So your mom tells me you have a new boyfriend, Missy. What's his name?"

"His name is Bobby. He calls me Zee."

"Zee? That's silly. That's not your name."

"But I like it. And he gave me a flower."

Chatting animatedly with each other, David carried Ziyah back to the den. Sage was left alone in the corridor, surrounded by his things. "No, no, go ahead. I don't need any help. I can do this all by myself,” she muttered to no one.

He was supposed to be staying for a week; he'd packed enough for a month. As usual. Exhaling a heavy sigh, she started dragging his very heavy luggage towards the guest room.

*****

Grabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses, Sage headed into the den. David was plopped down on the couch, surfing through Netflix.

"Here." She handed him a glass, filled it halfway with wine.

"That's it?" he asked, pouting.

"How about you finish that first, boozehound?" Sitting down on the opposite corner of the couch, she raised her feet to rest them on his lap. She poured herself some wine before setting the bottle aside.

"I love that kid to death, don't get me wrong, but oh my god is she exhausting!"

Sage laughed at David's words, taking a sip of her drink. "Welcome to my world."

"I can't believe how much she's grown in a few months. Next time I see her she'll probably look like a teenager!"

"Ugh, don't even go there. She's already so frickin' stubborn."

"Takes after her mother, obviously."

She kicked him playfully and he grinned.

"Sooo..." He turned towards her, spreading his arm along the back of the couch. "How did the date go?"

"What date?"

"The one you told me about last week on the phone. Don't even pretend like you don't remember."

She rolled her eyes. "He freaked out when he found out I had a kid."

"Here's an idea. You could have just not told him."

"Yeah, 'cause it's so easy to keep something like that a secret."

"Not like you have to marry the guy. Date him, fuck him, and then cut him loose."

"Not that easy to do, my friend."

"Yes it is, my friend. You just have to give it a shot."

"Honestly, he was a drag. One of those douchebag stockbroker types. I couldn't wait to get out of there and come home."

"You don't need to like a guy to fuck him and get off.”

"You think he knows how to get a woman off?”

David chuckled before studying her with a scrutinising stare for several seconds. "I don't know if it's the wine or whatever but you look really good. Happy, you know?"

Sage beamed. "I've been hitting the gym."

"Ah, that's what it is."

"That and work’s been going well lately. I sold two houses last month and it looks like some more things will pan out soon. And Ziyah's happy, healthy." She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I guess I'm just in a good place right now."

"I'm glad. You deserve it."

"So do you. Want to tell me what's going on with you and Patrick? I know something's wrong."

He downed the rest of his drink. "Not right now. Maybe later."

She reached over to give his hand a tight squeeze. "I worry about you."

"And I worry that you'll never get laid again."

She hit him lightly. "Shut up!"

"Haven't you heard? If you don't use it you lose it."

"Yeah well, it's been used. So stop getting on my case!"

"Why didn't you just say so? That's all I needed to hear."

"Can we drop the subject now?"

"Yes. Fine."

She smirked, throwing her hand up in the air. "Thank God."

A short while later she was fixing up the guest room when David walked in, rubbing his wet hair with a towel. "I want to tell you something but I don't know if I should."

She cast him an exasperated glance, sitting down on one corner of the bed. "I hate when you start a conversation with that." He didn't respond but the gleam in his eyes was certainly disconcerting. "What's going on?"

"I ran into Madeline a few weeks ago."

Her body stiffened immediately upon hearing that name. David sat down next to her. Deep-buried anger from long ago threatened to expose itself and crush her but Sage refused to let that rage break the inner peace she'd fought so hard to cultivate. Those people were a part of her past, and that's where they would remain. Before she was alone and vulnerable, a perfect fodder for predators, but not anymore. Now she had a daughter to protect, a life she loved that was free of hate and prejudice and no one was going to threaten it. Absolutely no one. "Did you say something to her?”

"Nope. She didn’t know who I was."

"Good. Stay out of her radar."

"You ever think about-"

"No," Sage interjected before he could finish the thought. "I don't. That part of my life is over." He leaned in closer and placed a gentle kiss on her right cheek. The gesture was affectionate, warm, and exactly what she needed to pull her out of her gloomy state. Linking her arm through his, she settled her head on his shoulder.

"You're the toughest girl I know," he said.

"I'm not a girl, David."

"Fine. Woman. Whatever. Point is you're tough, but you've been through a lot. It's not easy to put all that shit behind you."

"No, it's not. But I did it and that's where it'll stay. Behind me."

There was a brief moment of comfortable silence between them.

"Hun, as much as I'm enjoying you cuddling me to death I need to catch up on some sleep. I have to take that daughter of yours to the park tomorrow and you know that ain't going to be easy."

"Pussy." She stood up, dropped a tender kiss on his forehead before turning to leave.

"Thanks for the talk."

"Thanks for letting me stay."

"Like I have a choice."

He rolled up the wet towel and threw it at her; she blocked it with the door. Chuckling, she walked back to the kitchen to clean up.

*****

The water in the tub was almost scorching hot, just the way Sage liked it. Submerged in it, she lolled her head back on the edge of the tub and let the warmth wash over her. Baths were a luxury with the schedule she kept; luckily with David taking Ziyah to the park and spending the afternoon with her, she had the time to indulge in one today.

She was a few chapters into a murder mystery novel when the knock on the main door reached her ears. She contemplated ignoring it but then grew anxious when the knocks turned incessant. Sage stood up and climbed out of the tub, grabbing the nearest robe along the way to cover her dripping body as she walked to the door.

She looked through the peephole to see who it was. Suddenly, she couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of her lungs.

"Open up, Sage. I know you're in there."

His voice. Aidan's voice. Playful and taunting, the same yet completely grown-up.

"I can hear you freaking out in there. You too scared to come out here?”

Provoking her. Like always. 

"I can stay here as long as I have to, whole night even. Carpet doesn't look too comfortable but I've slept on worse.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

She had to get him out of here, as quickly as possible. Taking a deep breath, she willed herself to cool down. Losing it was not an option, not now, not in front of Aidan. It took a few seconds but at last she managed to regain her composure. Calm and collected, she finally opened the door.

Aidan stood there leaning against the wall, one foot crossed over the other, striking a casual pose. His hair was slightly longer while his face held the slightest hint of scruff – like he hadn't shaved in a few days. Dressed in jeans, a black t-shirt and a leather jacket, he looked every bit the jackass she remembered and more. He had always been good-looking but now there was a hardness to his features, a weathered edge that made him so much more hotter. 

As she waited for him to speak her hands felt clammy, stomach queasy, heart drumming so loudly she was worried it would give out. Except he remained silent, his dark eyes locked in on her.

To be continued...

Tagging @bustlingcrowdsxorxsilentsleepers 

@idaofinfinity 

@tiki-tequila

[rickgrimesdoingrickthings]

"I'll kill them for doing this to you."

That cursed group- the gang who had been Vega's swore enemy since the streets...-Clashing over and over again as if they were destined to be, for some time, Vega had peace in her community, found time to grow and build something instead of living out of plundering and scavenging alone. She had tried to focus on the good things, building instead of destroying, saving instead of killing- what allowed Rick and Carl to survive and be part of her community. The bonds between them had grown stronger. Their hearts...they knew what they felt, but they were to coward to confess to each other- two introverts, broken by the past mistakes, so hurt by the world, who tried to show only a hard shell, hide their weaknesses while seeking for the things that made them happy. Shiro, Fox, Vega, Carl, Rick. The had become a family. As the community begun to prosper and they finally had more time for themselves, things just felt different. Even though Vega and Rick wouldn't say a thing, them both knew, everyone knew that at some point, they would end up together. The way they cared for each other, they way they understood each other- it was just a matter of who would awaken bravery first so they actually became a thing. The glances, the gifts they would bring each other, it was so obvious. Obvious also for the enemy.

After massacring many smaller communities, there would be a day when Vega and her nemesis would meet again She knew, but would always be quiet about it, hoping the day would never arrive. But it did. One of her group had betrayed and sold info to that bloodthirsty gang in exchange of a position of power. It all happened when Vega and her main formation had left to clear the area that would be their first outpost. They broke into her community, but they didn't want to kill and abuse the survivors, no, not just that at least- they wanted full submission. Vega had Rick be one of her lieutenants, and once she had left with Shiro and her most trusted war partners, he was left in charge- just what the enemy was waiting for.

They attacked with grenades, they were heavily armed- Rick quickly organized a quick defense and managed to take out many of the barbarians, however, their surprise and superior fire power won, and the community decided to surrender to avoid extermination. 'That emo bitch, I will make sure she reads my letter, and I am sure she WILL agree to lower her head and work for me- she will have all of you work for me.' The gang leader had a devious smirk on his face as he made his speech, the survivors frozen, surrendered, still under the aim of enemy guns. 'Rick....right? I heard a lot about you. How you became so special to her. Some say she was even smiling, can you believe that? I never saw Vega smile, you my man, must be someone SPECIAL. You really helped this place grow once you showed up, didn't you? The community you came from sure must have been ahead- I wish it was still standing so we could also have them work for us. Too bad though, we can't have everything, can we?' The enemy leader kept a smirk, despite his eyes being full of anger and blood thirst. 'You will be the example, Rick. I know you're precious to her and most people here admire you lots. He chuckled, then had his men put Rick on his knees.

'Everyone who is here, ready to watch our little show, you better record this deep down in your minds, so you will know what will happen to any asshole who tried to rebel against us. If you have bad memory then use some camera, cause whoever forgets the lesson...will get what our cowboy here will get, for resisting against my humble visit. You all should thank us, because this time, and if you behave, we won't kill or rape or torture you- see how I'm generous? We just want you to work for us. Just that. Well, except for you Rick. I will wrap you for present and I don't want anyone else taking him from the spot I will leave him for beloved emo punk rock Vega to see.'

When Vega arrived, the enemy had already left for quite some time. There were clear signs of attack on the walls of the place she called home. Only some fighters who had resisted had been shot, but none had died. The people were crying, most frozen in place in shock, others shaking in anger, but everyone was right there, where they were forced to stand. Even though the enemy had already left. Rick was on the floor, stripped, bleeding, full of marks of abuse- his back, whipped by some leather belt, his lips busted, dirty with the remains of what the boss had forced him to swallow and choke on, his pale skin bruised for being rolled over many times, blood between his legs, some of the nails of his left hand had been stabbed underneath, bleeding, one of his nipples too had been pressed until it bled, and the most horrendous- his right arm- it was on the floor, a few meters away from him- a belt was tight around what remained on his arm, some centimeters ahead of his elbow, containing most of the bleeding so he didn't die. The sheriff was pale, shaking in pain, due to so many kicks and punches and all the rest at least three men had done to him. He was broken. He had been through all that with only anger and a fierce spirit in his eyes, but having his arm being chopped off so brutally, the pain was too intense for him to keep showing strength, and the abuses he suffered after that in front of all the survivors, in front of his son, the shame, the humiliation, that finished breaking him. He just wanted to die. But his heart was still beating.

When he saw Vega, his eyes filled with tears for the first time that day. He was relieved yet...feeling so much shame. "I couldn't....couldn't....I couldn't stop them.' His voice held so much suffering. He couldn't even look at her in the face. Slowly his consciousness was fading away, the pain...the cold he was feeling...and he also felt so dirty. He pressed his forehead against the floor, crying. The last thing he heard was her voice, swearing for revenge. He hoped so. He really hoped she did it, and not just for his sake. The fact she showed anger for what they had done to him, that comforted Rick a bit, even thought with an arm chopped off he imagined he would just be a burden for her.

@sxbaist

[toku-explained]

A-Class Despair

Hagane wo Tsugu Mono: Ron and Obi train, when asked about Souma being alone, Ron explains Souma chose it, Ryuga spots Souma training alone, while Igusu tries to convince Mutsugi to have Ron take over duties in CREACITY, feeling Souma doesn't have the proper pride of a Makai Knight, as he is more concerned with waiting for Godou than protection, Mutsugi sympathises with Souma being unable to accept Godou is gone, which is why she also isn't going to ask Ryuga to take over, but Igusu stresses he feels the same way. Souma recalls once waking from a failed attempt to use the Flashing Cut, Godou encouraging him despite his own injury, but now Souma is still unable to use it, and stressed out over Ryuga's ability to, Ryuga and Koyori leave him for now. They find Mutsugi at a memorial to the Gate of Destruction's opening, when Inga first materialised in humans it opened, causing tragedy before it was sealed, Ryuga, respectful of the sacrifice those early Priests made, proposes they destroy the Gate so it cannot open ever again, Mutsugi seeing he is exactly the man Godou told her about, expressing that if Ryuga learnt the flashing sword so easily, he could be the world's hope. The three of them spot the man Koyori protected the other day being cruel to others, a little sickened, and while they sympathise, they reiterate what humanity does is not their business. Isuzu stops his pupil's training, and seeing Souma, Obi requests a bout and is ignored, when Ron asks he is rudely refused. Ryuga on the other hand, despite Ron's attempt to temper him, accepts Obi's request for a bout, and wins handily, but rebukes the young Knight for believing as a HAGANE he stood no chance. Ron fairs far better, a close match until Ryuga wins, and on hearing Ryuga's approval of him Isuzu intends to press the issue regarding the absence in CREACITY, Souma insists he is enough, challenging Obi and Ron together to prove it, and matching them pretty well even after Ron helps Obi get his tactics sorted. In the end Obi twists his angle, and Souma doesn't stop his "killing blow" until Ron blocks, at which point Ryuga insists the bout stop, angry at Souma for not stopping on his own, when Souma tries to argue he couldn't against a Horror Ryuga doesn't accept it. Isuzu decides to add Ron to CREACITY, and then Souma objects, Isuzu tries to get him to face reality, Gouda disappeared at the same time the Gate of Destruction became active, they must consider the possibility he had something to do with it. Souma is angry enough to draw his sword and demand he take that back.

New Generation All Stars: STORAGE's Ohta Yuka is stressed out from the order to submit and upgrade plan for SAA-1 Sevenger, feeling it is already perfect. She decides to review battle records, seeing an early battle against Demigra, and then battling Genegarg with Z, before recalling Haruki's eventual departure with Z, and wonders what he may be doing, before refocusing, and checking the record ls of Haruki's requested addition, the Rigid Core Iron Fist Rocket, and concludes there's potential for further fist based enhancement, like the Rigid Core Iron Drill Fist. She then considers swapping the legs for treads, making a Sevenger Tank, but realises that will impact mobility. Looking at the model of SAA-3, she considers external equipment, recalling how Yoko piloting Sevenger once made use of Beliarok and rode on the King Joe Carrier to defeat Barossa Seijin III. She considers a range of portable weapons, like the 40mm General-Purpose Autocannon, but then feels like they've done everything they could with Sevenger. She reviews Space Sevenger's attempt to help recover King Joe CUSTOM from Barossa Seijin IV with Z, and it being left behind while everyone else wound up in a different universe, but has a flash of inspiration and takes out the items Haruk brought back from that universe, the GUTS Sparklence and 5 Hyper Keys for Ultraman Z, but she hasn't been able to understand it. Her musing further is interrupted by the appearance of a mysterious robot.

Gotchard: Atropos presents Greyon with the newly captured Angelead, and he uses it to create a Malgam with power over life and death, inspiring him to resume a 10-year old experiment. The currently closed Kitchen Ichinose is visited by one Edami Kyouka, while Spanner, still trying to understand why he can't be Kamen Rider, is visited by two unexpected people. His parents. Kyuka explains to the kids that she has been replicating the Gotchardriver for Spanner, but there are two major problems. One is the fact that it's tuned to use MadWheel and DaiOhni, the other is she fears Spanner will be consumed by dark flames. She explains what she knows, the Associafion branded Kudoh Fuga a traitor, even though it was Greyon who tried to open the Door of Darkness, and when Spanner's parents, expert combat alchemists confronted him, they should have been able to defeat him. Kyouka's explanation is halted by a message from Spanner informing her his parents are back. Which is bad given they died 10 years ago. Indeed the Malgam intrudes in the families happiness, reveals the parents are dead, then severely injures Spanner so he can watch his parents die again. Before that is finished, as Lachesis mourns her mutt has become boring, Ichinose and Kudoh arrive on GoldDash. They fight the Malgam, and Spanner tries to escape with his parents, only for Greyon to appear, alongside Minato, and seize the two and bind Spanner, who now remembers witnessing their death at Greyon's hands, forcing him to watch, even preventing Fire Gotchard from assisting when Spanner discards his pride and asks for help, and even begging Minato for help until his parents aphave crumbled to dust. Spanner's grief materialises as a bitter rage and literal black flames, the same power Greyon saw from him that day, and Greyon uses MadWheel to turn Spanner into a Valvarade Malgam, wildly trying to hit Greyon, who celebrates his completed experiment and leaves, as Spanner attacks everyone, Minato watches a moment before leaving. After the Angel Malgam is gone, Spanner, calms, but claims the man he was is gone. The team discusses the situation, and on learning Spanner is probably going after Kyouka, Ichinose wants to go to save him. Spanner arrives at at Kyouka, angrily demanding to know why she erased his memory and if everything was a lie, but she insists it was to protect him, 10 years ago Greyon took note of the dark flame but had other things to do at Clotho's prompting, and when Kyouka grabbed Spanner to protect him, his power going wild caused a bad scar on her arm. She wanted him safe from Greyon's manipulations. She taught him to not rely on emotion and comforted him whenever the memories returned, but he believes her getting him to shackle his powers why he's unable to match Kudoh and Ichinose. As the Angel Malgam attacks the arriving Gotchard and Majade, Spanner believes this power of the abyss will allow him to win, tells Kyouka they're done, and rejects her offer of the Driver, instead intruding on the battle and returning to Malgam form, determined to destroy Greyon.

Kingohger: Grodie, still seeking death, rampages in Ishabana with his zombie Bugnarok, Himeno attempts to use her Royal Power, the power of death on him, which reverts him to human form and causes him to spill a load of corrupted Shugod Souls from his body, he angrily goes after Dugded, who encourages him to remember. Himeno runs analysis on one Shugod Soul they recovered, and they discuss that Grodie must be the same as Gira, only he has consumed far more Souls and forgotten everything. Now aware of his inability to die, Grodie decides he can only find peace by killing everyone. Jeramie has Racles help him dig graves as part of his efforts to teach the Bugnarok to value life, and Racles explains he believes Jeramie should also have inherited a royal symbol, suspecting Ryneol may have deliberately allowed his parents to escape to hide that power, noting Jeramie has maintained his youth for so long. Jeramie shows a gem implanted in his chest, realising this must be it. Himeno wants to test her power on Gira, getting angry when he suggests he doesn't want to be immortal, feeling that an end to death should be what she aspires to, and after telling Gira he is human save for his healing, on learning Jeramie's secret, hopes she could not only end death but bring the dead like her parents back. Himeno tells her parents' grave she may see them soon, while Jeramie discusses with Gerojim death, and while the long centuries of losses and new friendships, ups and downs haven't been terrible, he finds himself wishing he could age and die with his friends. Jeramie and Himeno agree to a plan after the analysis is finished. When Grodie next attacks, the two unite to face him, as the others start wishing they didn't have to keep putting down the endless horde. The pair string Grodie up, and Himeno reveals the result of her analysis, Grodie is already dead, a victim of his own power. This their solution is to use the Venomix Shooter to fire the gem, extracted using Himeno's power earlier, to restore him to life. It succeeds, but before they can do more with their plan Grodie resurrects more Bugnarok, and reanimates the legions of Semishugods, bringing about a new Fury of the Gods.

555 Murder Case: I would say I have a pretty good knowledge on the post-2000 toku, at least from the big three. That said though, there are still a few of those series from the early 2000s I haven't watched yet. On the Sentai side those 4 series are not ones that are ever going to have full reunions (if there really is a Boukenger one in 2 years don't @ me), and the same is true for Rider...now that as of writing this I have 4 episodes left of 555 (I'm not starting the special until I'be finished). Still I knew enough that as soon as I saw they were doing this, without checking the cast release, I knew the returning cast were going to be Handa Kento, Haga Yuria, Murakami Kohei and Karahashi Mitsuru, all of whom have reprised their roles relatively recently. Fujita Ray was more surprising, but only because he hasn't reprised his 555 role since the show. 555 has also had one of the most consistent post-series presences, with cast returning in Decade, GP and Outsiders, and being central to the plots of Taisen, 4 and The Mystery, not to mention Inoue's infamous novelisation (which both has things I hate, like Kusaka's actions against Mari and somethings I wish had made it to the show, like the irony of Kusaka becoming and Orphenoch, and at least on a conceptual level Yusuke), and the ongoing 913 manga. But forget all that, because the only thing relevant to these 20th anniversary specials is the show itself (and maybe, given the title choice, Paradise Lost. All of this has been said without watching this special, which I will now get to. Also, just in case anyone's confused why the second part is coming out in like 3 months, that's just before when the V-Cinext releases, whilst this one was promote the theatrical run.

For the first time, Kikuchi Jotaro is able to witness the double henshin of his uncle's friends into Next Faiz and Next Kaixa, and recalls how this started. At Kikuchi Cleaners, while Kusaka spied on the youths, Kei told Kouta, Jotaro, Hisao, Jotaro and Reina how the horoscopes definitely says she and Kouta will marry, Jotaro enquires about himself and Reina, while Hisao points out horoscopes aren't real. Reina instead asks about herself and Takumi, at which point Kusaka intervenes, wakes Takumi up, and the two tell Jotaro that if there's no work for his friends to do he needs to lay them off, regardless of what Keitaro says. Mari returns home with a goldfish she found in the street. While Takumi objects to keeping it as a pet, everyone else follows Kusaka's lead in agreeing with Mari they'll keep it, and in the end Takumi can't help feeding it. As Mari deals with a "friendly" customer, Takumi discovers "Kin" is gone, and then Reina finds the customer dead, and then before everyone's eyes he crumbles to dust, meaning an Orphenoch must be responsible. Kusaka challenges us to find the culprit, I'll give you a clue, it's Kin.

Of course Kusaka's alive, why wouldn't he be?

[r1999-transcript]

A Nightmare At Green Lake 05 - Roaring Stars

Tooth Fairy: It escaped, taking my … precious collection away.

Vertin: Nah, there’s no way to follow it. The trees it pushed down have blocked the path. This would take us some time. That was definitely not your usual critter. Ms. Tooth Fairy, what kind of traces did you find earlier?

Tooth Fairy: Most of them were left by medium and small critters. Claw marks of giant critters are clear but few. There is probably one critter of such immense size. Besides, we need to offer an explanation to that lady.

Vertin: Of course.

They all look at the centre of the chaos, who seems to feel the gazes and turn back in confusion.

Horropedia: Why … are you all staring at me? Do I have something on my face or my clothes?

Tooth Fairy turns her face to the film crew. Young people bathed in fake blood form a circle, discussing. Sad noises keep coming out of them.

Blonney: Camera, my camera, my God. The roll films are ruined too.

Anne: There, there, Jennifer. Perhaps I can try piecing it together and fix it for you. Would it help you to feel better?

Blonney: It’s no use. Everything in it has gone, every take I took!

Horropedia: Yeah, like what Anne said, don’t be sad. Thanks to your generosity, none of us were injured.

Blonney looks up, and the brittle pieces of burnt camera fall to the ground from her hand.

Blonney: What did you just say?

Horropedia: I am trying to comfort you. Don’t glare at me. Actually, I think this is unnecessary, but they made me.

The young man lowers his head, keeps his voice down, and tilts his head toward the people behind him.

Horropedia: See? Behind me, the girl with the hat and the girl in white …

Blonney: Ah … Unnecessary? You think it’s unnecessary? Do you have even the slightest idea of what you have destroyed?

The blonde girl is shaking. Her face is clouded with anger. Her manicured nails nearly poke Horropedia’s nose like sharpened little knives.

Blonney: Make your four eyes useful and look at these. What do you think they are?!

Horropedia: Alright, calm down. Let’s be reasonable. If you were mad because of your movie, I am really sorry. But at that very moment, I thought our safety mattered the most. Also, I have good news for you. This recorder is meant for taking daily family videos. The clips taken by it are merely enough to be called a “movie.” So, to be extent, I just prevented you from shooting a disastrous “movie.” If you are looking for any financial compensation, please talk to the girl with the hat.

Blonney: Ugh, ah! Come again? Who is going to make a disastrous movie? Ugh, no, don’t change the subject! Movies, ha! No, I’m not raging over some movies. I don’t care about this stupid shit at all! You think money can get you out of trouble? It doesn’t even come close! That was a limited collaboration product of Recorder and Lugus. You can only find three of these all over the world. Only three! It’s more valuable than any jewellery or luxury handbags! The suede decoration on it alone can buy 200 of your stupid head, dumbass! Shoot! My makeup! What are you sticking there for? Go clean the broken trunks and branches off the path! We have to get back to the cabin as soon as possible. I have no desire to catch a cold in the rain!

Someone comes to her side.

Tooth Fairy: This is not a safe place for you. Get back to the town, find a hotel and take a hot shower. My students and I will escort you to the main road at the edge of the woods, and arrange a car for you. If any of you have symptoms like an itchy throat or rising temperature, please buy some Robitussin or similar drugs at the nearby pharmacy.

Blonney: Ah! No, I’m not leaving! The movie has not finished. As long as you take care of that big monster, I can continue with my project to get that stupid shit movie done.

Anne: But, we don’t have that cam- … camer- …

Blonney: Camera! You dumb girl! You have no idea what we are doing here, so don’t tell me what to do if the best you can do is handcraft some props!

Tooth Fairy: Staying here is really not a wise choice for you. It is very dangerous and you can’t protect yourselves.

Blonney: It’s our right to stay here. You can’t just expel us.

Tooth Fairy: You are, of course, entitled of the right to stay, Ms. Blonney. But I hope you could keep in mind that you and your friends are in grave danger. The Green Lake Campsite is not a place for fun. You should stay with us, for the sake of your safety. The rain is getting heavier. We might catch a cold. Let’s clean up the road and head for the shelter.

The blonde girl falls silent for a brief moment and then storms away.

Blonney: All these gibberish to scare us off. Come here, Freddie! Go into the campsite and see if you can find some axes for us.

Tooth Fairy: Kids, if you can find any teeth, please pick them up and hand them to me.

Blonney: Hurry up! Freddie, I’m freezing!

[waterlys]

Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out

Every morning the maple leaves.                               Every morning another chapter where the hero shifts            from one foot to the other. Every morning the same big and little words all spelling out desire, all spelling out                                             You will be alone always and then you will die. So maybe I wanted to give you something more than a catalog         of non-definitive acts, something other than the desperation.                   Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your party. Dear So-and-So, I’m sorry I came to your party         and seduced you and left you bruised and ruined, you poor sad thing.                                                         You want a better story. Who wouldn’t? A forest, then. Beautiful trees. And a lady singing.                  Love on the water, love underwater, love, love and so on. What a sweet lady. Sing lady, sing! Of course, she wakes the dragon.            Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly                                                                                               flames everywhere. I can tell already you think I’m the dragon,                that would be so like me, but I’m not. I’m not the dragon. I’m not the princess either.                           Who am I? I’m just a writer. I write things down. I walk through your dreams and invent the future. Sure,               I sink the boat of love, but that comes later. And yes, I swallow         glass, but that comes later.                                                            And the part where I push you flush against the wall and every part of your body rubs against the bricks,            shut up I’m getting to it.                                    For a while I thought I was the dragon. I guess I can tell you that now. And, for a while, I thought I was                                                                                                the princess, cotton candy pink, sitting there in my room, in the tower of the castle,          young and beautiful and in love and waiting for you with confidence            but the princess looks into her mirror and only sees the princess, while I’m out here, slogging through the mud, breathing fire,                                                               and getting stabbed to death.                                    Okay, so I’m the dragon. Big deal.          You still get to be the hero. You get magic gloves! A fish that talks! You get eyes like flashlights!                  What more do you want? I make you pancakes, I take you hunting, I talk to you as if you’re            really there. Are you there, sweetheart? Do you know me? Is this microphone live?                                                       Let me do it right for once,             for the record, let me make a thing of cream and stars that becomes, you know the story, simply heaven.                   Inside your head you hear a phone ringing                                                               and when you open your eyes only a clearing with deer in it. Hello deer.                               Inside your head the sound of glass, a car crash sound as the trucks roll over and explode in slow motion.             Hello darling, sorry about that.                                                       Sorry about the bony elbows, sorry we lived here, sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell                                    and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.            Especially that, but I should have known. You see, I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together            to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.                  I’m not really sure why I do it, but in this version you are not feeding yourself to a bad man                                                   against a black sky prickled with small lights.            I take it back. The wooden halls like caskets. These terms from the lower depths.                                                I take them back. Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.                                                                                               Crossed out.            Clumsy hands in a dark room. Crossed out. There is something underneath the floorboards.                   Crossed out. And here is the tabernacle                                                                                                reconstructed. Here is the part where everyone was happy all the time and we were all               forgiven, even though we didn’t deserve it.                                                                    Inside your head you hear a phone ringing, and when you open your eyes you’re washing up            in a stranger’s bathroom, standing by the window in a yellow towel, only twenty minutes away                           from the dirtiest thing you know. All the rooms of the castle except this one, says someone, and suddenly                                                                                              darkness,                                                                                     suddenly only darkness. In the living room, in the broken yard,                                  in the back of the car as the lights go by. In the airport          bathroom’s gurgle and flush, bathed in a pharmacy of unnatural light,             my hands looking weird, my face weird, my feet too far away. And then the airplane, the window seat over the wing with a view                                                            of the wing and a little foil bag of peanuts. I arrived in the city and you met me at the station,          smiling in a way                    that made me frightened. Down the alley, around the arcade,          up the stairs of the building to the little room with the broken faucets, your drawings, all your things,                                                I looked out the window and said                                This doesn’t look that much different from home,            because it didn’t, but then I noticed the black sky and all those lights.                                           We walked through the house to the elevated train.            All these buildings, all that glass and the shiny beautiful                                                                                             mechanical wind. We were inside the train car when I started to cry. You were crying too,            smiling and crying in a way that made me even more hysterical. You said I could have anything I wanted, but I                                                                                      just couldn’t say it out loud. Actually, you said Love, for you,                                 is larger than the usual romantic love. It’s like a religion. It’s                                                                                                 terrifying. No one                                                                                 will ever want to sleep with you. Okay, if you’re so great, you do it—                        here’s the pencil, make it work . . . If the window is on your right, you are in your own bed. If the window            is over your heart, and it is painted shut, then we are breathing river water.            Build me a city and call it Jerusalem. Build me another and call it                                                                                                                 Jerusalem.                            We have come back from Jerusalem where we found not what we sought, so do it over, give me another version,             a different room, another hallway, the kitchen painted over and over,             another bowl of soup. The entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell.             Unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time.                                                                                                 Forget the dragon, leave the gun on the table, this has nothing to do with happiness.                                        Let’s jump ahead to the moment of epiphany,             in gold light, as the camera pans to where the action is,             lakeside and backlit, and it all falls into frame, close enough to see                                                the blue rings of my eyes as I say                                                                                                   something ugly. I never liked that ending either. More love streaming out the wrong way,             and I don’t want to be the kind that says the wrong way. But it doesn’t work, these erasures, this constant refolding of the pleats.                                                            There were some nice parts, sure, all lemondrop and mellonball, laughing in silk pajamas             and the grains of sugar                              on the toast, love love or whatever, take a number. I’m sorry                                                                                  it’s such a lousy story. Dear Forgiveness, you know that recently                     we have had our difficulties and there are many things                                                                                                  I want to ask you. I tried that one time, high school, second lunch, and then again,             years later, in the chlorinated pool.                                      I am still talking to you about help. I still do not have             these luxuries. I have told you where I’m coming from, so put it together.                                                            We clutch our bellies and roll on the floor . . .             When I say this, it should mean laughter, not poison.                  I want more applesauce. I want more seats reserved for heroes. Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you.                                                  Quit milling around the yard and come inside.

Richard Siken 

[our-time-is-now]

September 13, 2019 (2): Surgery-playlist (part 1/5)

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog.  

Attention! This play includes transgender topics. For more details see our interjection. The surgery-playlist is one of the plays that’s very dear to us (you can already tell by the length). It was created as a surprise for Matteo/Pauline, which means that until the previous play, Pauline and Matteo didn’t know what’s in the box or that the box even exists. In preparation to the surgery David/Katrin started writing it a few weeks beforehand and fitted the length to exactly five hours. So if you read David’s part out loud and play the songs in between, you’d be kept busy for pretty much 5 hours. The Matteo-part was added afterwards, when Pauline was finally able to read the Playlist. Therefore this isn’t a play which was played in turn as it usually is, and instead it was actually played successively. Translation Note: The translated version of this play will be posted in 5 parts!

PART 1/5

Friday, 9:00 am:

Once Matteo opens the box he can see several packages in it… all of them numbered. On the very top there’s a mp3 player with headphones, and on it a post-it with a sketch of Matteo with headphones and the words “turn me on!” with a heart drawn next to it. Once Matteo opens the mp3 player he can hear David’s voice. (Author’s note: The indented part is the playlist that David has recorded and the other parts are Matteo’s reaction in current-time. The songs David uses can also be found in this Spotify Playlist.)

Matteo: *opens the box and the first thing he sees is the mp3 player* *smiles automatically when he sees the post-it and takes the player out of the box* *can also see all the numbered packages, but leaves them in for now* *looks down the hallway, can’t see anyone and therefore remains sitting on the floor* *puts the headphones in his ears, takes a few deep breaths and then opens the mp3 player*

ca. 9:00 am: David: Dear Matteo, when you hear this, then we probably just said goodbye to each other and I’m on my way to the operating theater… I’m hoping you’re doing more or less okay… anyways… we somehow avoided this topic for so long… and now the day is suddenly here. And I’m glad that last Monday… although, once you hear this it was the Monday before last… that we finally were brave enough… well, or that you were brave enough, to talk about it again, because afterwards I got the idea for this recording. *briefly clears his throat* Anyways, I thought that this might be a good way to still be with you to some extent and to maybe distract you a little. I know that you’re scared for me. And that’s okay. You’re allowed to be scared. But I don’t want you to be alone with your fear for the next 5 hours, and if I can’t be there with you physically, then maybe I can in this way…

Matteo: *snuffles very hard when he realizes what David means and what he did* *can’t even believe that he really obviously planned something for him that will keep him busy for 5 hours*

David: *sighs briefly and then says* I’m hoping that this will help you a little, but if it doesn’t then you have to promise me to go find help if you realize that you’re not doing good, okay? Then just try the method we tested together. Destroy the bad images and imagine how we’ll see each other again afterwards and that everything’s good. And if that’s no help then please call Jonas and ask him to come over… or talk to him over the phone. Or ask a nurse to give you something to calm down, ok? You really have to promise me that! Because I also want you to be doing okay. *quietly sighs again*

Matteo: *also sighs quietly and slightly presses his lips together* *can’t imagine that anyone could help him more than David* *but then thinks “okay, I promise” and can basically see David’s face in front of him and can see him smile*

David: By the way, today’s also Friday and we said goodbye to each other exactly 4 hours ago because you had to go to this stupid weekend for your Voluntary Year. I was already planning on Tuesday to prepare this over the weekend you’re gone, and so I’ll hopefully be busy until Sunday afternoon and that I’ll be a little distracted… I actually wanted to start right after you left, but somehow I couldn’t. I was too busy missing you and wouldn’t really have been able to concentrate on how you might feel right now. But now I’m doing a little better. Although I still miss you. But we already got through the first bit and we already managed the first 4 hours and we’ll somehow also manage the rest. Somehow it’s really the first time that we’re separated for this long - so you’re allowed to be a little desperate and to miss each other… and I think if I hadn’t planned on doing this here, I’d probably go crazy because you’re not here and I’m not used to you not being here. It’s still weird being here in your room without you… *laughs quietly*... okay, in our room - somehow I still have to get used to that. Anyways, you texted me that you arrived soundly and I hope that you’ll have fun and that you’ll also be distracted and that we’ll somehow manage to pass the time. I just mustn’t think about missing you too much… *laughs again quietly and adds*... but I’m doing it, anyways… And I mustn’t think about the fact that it’s two days! I hope you’ll get a schedule and that I can somehow use this as a pointer… then it’ll only be the time until our next phone call. Minute for minute… we’ll somehow get through it. *you can hear him sigh*

Matteo: *also sighs again* *but also thinks that they managed quite well with this mantra despite missing each other and yearning for each other*

David: But okay… back to you… and to the 13th. As you can see, there’s quite a lot of stuff in the box… *grins slightly*... so that you won’t get too bored. Hey, did you know that no one in the flatshare owns anything like wrapping paper?! Now I used newspaper - this way, you’ll also have something to read in case my rambling gets too boring… Well somewhere on the top there should be the number one - you can unwrap that now… *pauses briefly and makes some weird noises to give Matteo some time to unpack the first packet* *once Matteo unwraps the first packet he can see their lucky charm*

Matteo: *immediately has to grin when David makes the weird noises* *unwraps the first packet and makes a sound between sobbing and laughing when he holds the lucky charm in his hand* *puts the newspaper back into the box and holds onto the charm with both hands*

David: Okay, so I figured as I’m not allowed to take it to the operating theater with me, I’ll better leave it with you for the next 5 hours, because your thoughts are with me and because mine are with you. And basically we’re both happy when everything goes well, and so it doesn’t really matter which one of us is holding it. Take good care of it, okay? *you can hear him smile, then clear his throat and then a quiet laugh* Okay, I don’t think that I’ll manage to talk for five hours in a row, therefore you’ll get some music in between… I picked out a few songs that remind me of us… some of them might be a little sappy *you can hear him grinning*... but so are we… Anyways, now you’ll hear the first one. I’ll talk to you again in a minute… so… see you soon.

Hozier - Take me to church

Matteo: *listens to the song and immediately feels tears welling up* *quickly wipes his eyes and leans his head back* *closes his eyes and concentrates on the familiar song*

ca. 9:10 am: David: Na, you? How are you doing? Where are you right now? The way I know you, you’re still lurking around somewhere in the hospital, right? Listen, I really don’t want you to sit around the hospital for the next 5 hours - you can’t help but get panicky this way…

Matteo: *shakes his head*

David: And I know, you’re shaking your head now thinking that you won’t leave the hospital. I know you. You did, didn’t you? But listen to me. The doctors and nurses have your phone number. On Tuesday, when I had the idea of doing the recording, I called the hospital and asked around… what will happen in case of an emergency, who they’ll call. And I told them that I don’t want them to call my parents. On Monday, when I’ll go there for the pre-consultation, I can sign a release from confidentiality for you. They know that you’re worried and I’ll mention it again on Monday! I can leave your phone number with them and they’ll immediately call you in case anything happens - but nothing will happen, you hear?! I just want you to be able to move away from the hospital with a clear conscience, okay? Please don’t worry and trust that they will call you in case of an emergency.

Matteo: *swallows hard when David tells him about the release from confidentiality* *is so grateful to him for this and can’t even believe that he did this for him* *puts the lucky charm in his pocket and pulls his phone out to unmute it*

David: In the box, there’s an envelope with a 2 on it. You can open that now… *humms the Jeopardy tune and then asks*

Did you open it? Woohoo… a map! There’s a park close-by, the Schweizerhofpark. I marked the way for you and according to Google Maps, it’ll take you about 7 minutes on foot - depending on which exit you’ll use it’ll only take you 5 minutes. So even if something should happen… which it won’t, you’ll be back at the hospital really quickly. Right now the weather predictions for next Friday are still quite good - I hope that it’ll stay like that. Anyways, I’d be happy if you could go to the park and find a comfortable bench.

Matteo: *looks at the map and thinks that it’s nice, but that he still prefers to stay here*

David: On Monday, I’ll go check out what it looks like there, then I can imagine where you are and dream of you while I’m under. You can wait better outside with fresh air and in nature than in a stuffy hospital hallway. So please, please don’t sit around in the hospital for five hours and go outside! For me! And also for you! Fresh air and a different view will surely be better for you! And if you don’t go, then the rest of my recording won’t make sense! Then I’ll say something like: “Hey, cool trees, right?” and all you can see is the hallway in the hospital… then my plan won’t work any longer… and you don’t want that, do you? You know how much I like it when plans work out… So just imagine that I’m taking your hand and pull you up from the chair and that I’m pushing you down the hallway toward the exit… all the way to the park and onto a bench…

Matteo: *grumbles quietly because he knows exactly what David is doing* *but really imagines him standing in front of him and pulling him up* *says quietly* Damn, Schreibner… *then packs up the things and really gets up* *takes another look around and slowly goes toward the exit, the map in hand*

David: *clears his throat* So… are you walking already? If not, then get going! Chop-chop! *you can hear him grinning, but then get more serious again and say* You have three songs to go there and find a nice bench. See you later…

Kodaline - The One Fynn Kliemann - Zuhause Alle Farben - Fading

Matteo: *walked a little faster than he usually does and has really already found a bench while Fading is still on* *has found a bench that’s a little off to the side, and which isn’t facing the path but is instead facing away from it* *has put the backpack down on the bench to his right and the box to his left* *closes his eyes and listens to the music and automatically smiles again when he can hear David’s voice again*

ca. 9:25 am: David: Hey… cool trees, right? *you can hear him grin slightly* Did you find a nice spot? If so, then you can now open package number three… I figured you might need some sustenance and something for your nerves while you wait… *in the package there’s a large box of cocoa and a few milk rolls and chocolate croissants*

Matteo: *unwraps the package and has to grin again when he sees the stuff* *realizes that he really is hungry when he sees the food* *but doesn’t know if he can stomach anything right now* *therefore only takes the cocoa for now*

David: I would have loved to make you a sandwich, but I’m afraid if I make that now and wrap it up, then it won’t be edible anymore by Friday and on Friday morning there probably won’t be enough time for it… but I think the croissants are also okay, right? Because I know you, and I’m sure you didn’t eat anything this morning out of solidarity, right? *laughs quietly* Or was I able to talk you into it? I definitely will have tried… but in case I wasn’t able to, then at least now I won’t be worried that you won’t eat anything all morning. So… breakfast, Florenzi! Enjoy it!

Matteo: *laughs slightly and then opens one croissant, after all*

David: I just had a thought! You know what makes missing you easier right now? Imagining you sitting in the park listening to my rambling… even if that’s only in a week from now… *laughs quietly* ...that’s a little bit like being able to look into the future… wow… Anyways… maybe it’ll help you a little bit if you imagine me sitting here on the bed in our room with the laptop on my lap making this recording for you… we’re basically escaping the moment we’re in right now, where we can’t be together, and are imagining each other in a different situation… well that doesn’t really bring us together in this situation… but somehow it does, right? I mean, right now my thoughts are so much with you, even though you’re not here with me… and you can benefit from it next week, when I’m not with you… then I’ll still be with you because of the recording… umm… does that make any sense!? *grins audibly* Right now I don’t really think that I was able to explain well what I meant… but maybe you still understood it.

Matteo: *swallows hard and imagines David sitting on their bed* *but then also has to think about the David that’s lying in the operating theater right now* *checks the time and sees that it’s not even 9:30 and sighs*

David: I’ll go and get myself something to drink now… then we can toast… we can toast on the fact that, when you’re listening to this, the two dumbest separations of our relationship will be over in a few hours from now… then we’ll only have to get through the days I’ll have to stay in the hospital… but we’ll manage that, as well… *laughs quietly* Oh man, right in this moment I’m thinking that if we manage to get through this stupid Voluntary Year weekend then we can manage anything… although… we already managed to go through so much together, Matteo… especially in the beginning… I /know/ that together we can manage anything! *briefly exhales and then says with a slight grin* But now I’ll really go get something to drink.. and you’ll get a song! See you later!

John Legend - All of me

Matteo: *listens to the music and thinks about the fact that they really managed quite something* *thinks that the weekend was tough but that it somehow was another proof that they can manage things together* *then just listens to the music and absentmindedly eats the croissants*

ca: 9:34 am: David: Alright… I’m back! Cheers! I made myself some cocoa, as well… and now I’m just imagining you sitting on the bed with me and we’re toasting together and you’ll just imagine that I’m sitting on the bench with you and we’re toasting, okay? To us! *brief pause because David takes a sip and then a brief scratching sound when he puts the mug down on the nightstand*

Matteo: *grins slightly and looks onto the bench next to him and toasts at an imaginary David*

David: Anyways… I’m already really looking forward to sitting in the kitchen with you in the evening talking and drinking cocoa when you’re back home again on Sunday - and when I’m back home again after the surgery. *briefly clears his throat and then says a little quieter* I’m a little scared of the pain after the surgery. The pain from the mastectomy is supposed to be quite bearable… but the one from the hysterectomy… humph… Maybe you can keep reminding me that it will pass? And that the pain was definitely worth going through with it? I’m looking forward to so many things afterwards… and you’ll also have to remind me of that when I’m in pain, okay?

Matteo: *pulls his phone from his pocket and types a message to David* Reminder: The pain will pass and I love you and now all that crap is out and that’s worth it, right? And I love you and you are a loon and crazy <3

David: *smiles slightly* I’m especially looking forward to finally getting rid of the binder and breathing freely again. And to not having to pay attention to the fact that I actually need a break after 8 hours. That I no longer have to plan when I’ll wear it and when I won’t wear it. That we can go on holiday and we can plan normally just like any other couple… *smiles slightly* ...and that we no longer need to do binder breaks when we’re on holiday! I really want to go to Venice without binder breaks. I also want to be able to go out with you at night and not having to stay at home all day because of it. Or maybe really going on another holiday with the entire crew… And I’m looking forward to going swimming normally with you and the others next summer and not having to make sure that I can change out of the swim binder and into the normal binder and a shirt somewhere. *laughs quietly and then adds a little sheepishly* I’m just looking forward to being a little more “normal”, even though that sounds somehow weird… I mean, it’s great that especially you, but also the others, have accepted me so well and that you’re understanding and that it’s so normal for you that I’m simply the way I am and that you don’t urge me into anything when I have a dysphoric phase… that you take the breaks with me so matter-of-factly… but I think it will be pretty cool to not have any special treatment anymore and to just be like all of you… at least to some extent…

Matteo: *has always considered it as one of the main reasons and now also thinks about the fact that to some extent, dysphoria is also somewhat the feeling of being different, of standing out, of having to mind certain things others don’t have to mind* *is really happy for David that this will hopefully soon be over and that the surgery will bring him the desired effect and the desired feeling*

David: *hesitates briefly and then asks* Have I ever told you? How grateful I am that you… that you are the way you are and that you just take me the way I am? Maybe I mentioned it once, in passing. But maybe it’s also important to say it again officially. I think about this so often, but it’s difficult… to find the right words. Hmmm… I always feel like everything that is good and okay for me is good and okay for you… without you not caring. You know what I mean? There are also people who are like: “Yes, do whatever you want”, but they basically don’t care. But you do. I feel like that… even though you can’t really relate to why I have a problem with certain things, you just accept how I feel about it. You never urged me to anything or downplayed my dysphoria. I… well thanks for that. You’re great! You really are!

Matteo: *slightly shakes his head and has to smile lovingly when he thinks about the fact that they would normally start a discussion now*

David: *clears his throat* Sometimes I’m just scared that you’ll fall by the wayside with it. Because it’s so often about me. I’d really love to give something back to you, to somehow return the favor or something… *laughs quietly* I know, now you’re thinking that I don’t have to do that and that you’re doing good when I’m doing good. I just know you… *gets a little more serious again* But it’s the same vice versa, you know? If you are doing good, then I’m doing good, as well. And if there’s anything I can do - even if it’s just overcoming a fear, then I want to do that for you! Really badly! Like the thing with the binder on our holiday. Okay, we fought because of it and apart from the fact that you were, of course, right that I shouldn’t wear it for so long, what really mattered for me to take it off was the fact that I realized that you were really worried about me. And that it’s so important to you. Even if it sounds somehow stupid, but it was easier for me to overcome my fear for you then if I had done it for only myself. And this fight on our holiday… and that I realized that you were really worried and scared for me… that was somehow the crucial point for all future decisions about the binder. Whenever I’m catching myself downplaying the time I’ve been wearing the binder in my head… or, no idea… think that it’s still okay… then I have to think about the fact that you worry… and then I’ll find a way of sticking to the eight hours. And I know that now you’re thinking that I should do such things for myself and not for you… but the result is the same. And you also do so many things for me. And maybe… well, if you can think of something similar or if there’s ever a situation where you might put your own needs in the background for my sake… well I’d be happy if you could maybe tell me about it. Please, Matteo, ok? You mustn’t come up short! You’re so important to me, and it’s important to me that it’s not always just about me. Okay? *sighs and doesn’t say anything for a few seconds*

Matteo: *also sighs slightly when it’s quiet* *considers if there’s anything where he puts his own needs to the back* *but can’t think of anything* *has to think about their discussion in Venice again, that David says that he should also make wishes for himself* *still finds this a somehow oppressive thought, because he’s doing good when he’s thinking about David* *wonders what kinds of own needs this might be he allegedly puts to the back for David’s sake*

David: *then laughs quietly* Now I’m somehow a little off track… I was actually talking about the things I’m looking forward to once I have the surgery behind me… if you want to, you can now open the envelope with the 4 on it… because that’s what I’m especially looking forward to… *laughs and says* I won’t hum the Jeopardy tune every time… I’ll just wait for a little while now… or no, hang on… you’ll get a song! See you in a minute!

Ruben - Lay by me

ca. 9:46 am: So? Are you also looking forward to that? *he has put a sketch into the envelope for Matteo, where they are both lying on their bed at the flatshare in a tight embrace and with naked chests - David’s chest is flat and you can see a small bit of scar in one spot*

Matteo: *has opened the sketch and has looked around automatically to make sure that there’s really no one there* *then has to smile slightly when he takes a closer look at the sketch* *is really also looking forward to that*

David: *you can hear him grinning while he continues talking* I’m looking forward to Saturdays spent in bed… and evenings in bed - without a bothersome piece of fabric between us and without me feeling uncomfortable because I feel like my breasts are in the way and that they are touching you. I’m so looking forward to that and can hardly wait. *laughs* Maybe we’ll just have to spend an entire week in bed when the time comes to somehow make up for the last few months. *then gets more serious, quieter and a little sheepish again, but smiles while he’s talking* And I’m looking forward to having sex with you. *takes a deep breath and then laughs sheepishly*

Matteo: *also laughs sheepishly at the same time David does*

David: I’m looking forward to the fact that, if we want to, we can do it without a condom… I think this will be… *takes a deep breath* … I don’t know… pretty new and exciting and… *groans* I can’t talk about it very well, but I can imagine it and I think it’ll be pretty… wow! Just the two of us… no shirt, now binder, no condom… just us… as close as possible!

Matteo: *has to laugh involuntarily and slightly bites down on his bottom lip at the image* *is quite glad when at that exact moment a dog barks and gets him back to reality*

David: *you can hear him sigh* Well, great, now I miss you, after all - and you haven’t even been gone for 7 hours! *groans* *you can hear a quiet knock in the background and a moment later Hans’ voice - a little quieter than David’s* Hans: Hello, my butterfly-boyfriend! I wanted to check if you’re still alive or if you’re already crying in bed from yearning… oh hello - what’s that!? No, keep it on! Are you doing a recording!? I didn’t know you could sing… *you can hear David laughing*

Matteo: *laughs at the same time David does and says quietly* Oh, Hans…

David: I’m not singing… that’s… for Matteo. Hans: For Matteo!? David *a little embarrassed*: For next Friday… for the time when I’m in surgery… I thought… *sighs* … well I thought maybe this way, time will pass faster for him. Well I tell him stuff and put a few songs in between and so on… *you can hear Hans squealing* Hans: Awwww… How cute are you?!? *you can hear Hans clap his hands* Hans: I also want to say something. Move over! *you can hear some moving around, where Hans is apparently joining David on the bed and taking the laptop from him and then Hans’ voice a little louder* Hans: Hello, my butterfly! You have the world’s best boyfriend, you know that!? *David murmuring and quietly laughing in the background*: Stop it…

Matteo: *laughs slightly* I know…

David: Hans: And modest, to boot! But seriously! How cute is that!? I wish someone would do something like that for me… although the question remains, who. Maybe Michi - if I tell him about this then he’ll surely also do something like that…. although - no, probably not - he’s not that creative. *you can hear Hans sigh dramatically* But okay - I wanted to tell you something… but what?! Well it really is a little weird talking with the laptop… *you can hear David in the background laughing and murmuring quietly* David: You get used to it pretty quickly… you just have to imagine Matteo sitting in the park on a bench right now and you’re sitting next to him… and I’m in the operating theater… and you’re imagining how he’s feeling right now and what you would tell him right now… Hans: Oh, God, right - he’s probably not doing that well when he’s listening to that… *you can hear him sigh dramatically again* Matteo! Everything is going to be fine, you hear! That’s a standard surgery - the doctor has done it countless times before and nothing will go wrong and in a few hours you’ll have your sweetheart back and you can adore each other again and make mooneyes at each other again and make all the singles jealous! And when David is back home again, then we’ll throw a party… okay, he’s shaking his head right now, probably he won’t feel too good when he’s back again, but once he has recuperated, then we’ll have a party. When he’s back again, then I’ll cook something for the two of you! And then we’ll all sit on his bed comfortably and we’ll talk and laugh and watch a movie and love each other and are glad that he’s back again - without breasts! Yaya! And without uterus! Yaya!

Matteo: *has to laugh somehow but is also emotional because Hans is simply so great, but also because he knows that he’s worried and he’s not belittling them*

Hans: *you can hear him sigh again* But we’ll probably all be thinking about you guys right now and are keeping our fingers crossed! I probably won’t be able to really work on that day… Hey, but you’ll be in touch as soon as you know anything, right!? Hang on, my butterfly… *you can hear him yelling* Linn! Liiiiiiin!!! Come, have a seat and tell Matteo something! Linn: That’s not Matteo, that’s a laptop!

Matteo: *really has to laugh out loud at Linn’s comment*

Hans: Just pretend that it’s Matteo! Linn: Okay… (pause) Hans: And now say something! Linn: Like what? Hans: Hello Matteo! Linn: Hello Matteo! Hans: *groans* David: *laughs and enlightens Linn* I’m doing a recording for Matteo, for the time where I’ll be in surgery next Friday. So that he’ll be a little distracted and that he won’t worry so much. Linn: *nervously* Oh God, I completely suppressed the fact that it’s already next week… *you can hear her breathing heavily* David: Hey, everything’s okay! Don’t worry! Hans: Linn, my sweety! That’s a standard surgery! In two weeks’ time David will be back here again and will proudly present us his naked chest! Linn: But what if something goes wrong!? David: Nothing will go wrong, Linn! Linn: I don’t mind breasts! You can just keep them…

Matteo: *has to grin a little but also finds it somehow comforting that Linn also worries* *thinks that he and Linn are sometimes quite similar, anyways*

David: *laughs quietly* But I mind them! And I’m looking forward to the surgery! Linn: *horrified* You’re looking forward to the surgery?!? Hans: Linn, sweety, I think this is a little counterproductive right now. It’s about cheering Matteo up. Just imagine Matteo sitting in a park on a bench and you’re sitting next to him and David is in surgery… what would you want to tell him!? *you can’t hear anything for a some time while Linn probably thinks and then you can hear her voice* Linn: Hello Matteo! I can understand very well that you’re worried, especially if you think about all the risks like the fact that… Hans: I don’t think you have to go into detail, Matteo surely also did his research… Linn: Anyways… I’m hoping that none of this happens and that everything will work out well… oh God, I can’t keep thinking about this right now… I… I… Hans: You can go see if Laura is here and if she also wants to say something… Linn: Okay… *some rustling again and then silence for a moment* Hans: Can you somehow cut this out!? I mean, it’s really maybe counterproductive if Linn causes even more panic here… David: Hmm… I don’t know… it’s just Linn… and maybe… maybe it’s not even that bad if Matteo hears that he isn’t the only one who worries.

Matteo: *immediately smiles again when David knows him so well*

Hans: That’s also true! David: Listen, Matteo, it’s not that I’m not scared of the surgery - well, okay, scared might be the wrong word - rather respect. I’m nervous! But I know the statistics and the probability that something will go wrong is really very very slim! Hans: And in David’s case nothing will go wrong! Everything will be fine! Linn: Laura isn’t there. At least she didn’t say “come in”. I knocked twice and called “Hello?”. David: Ahh, I think she’s meeting with a friend… Linn: I’ll go make hot chocolate. Do you also want some?! Hans: Way too sweet! Could you put some water on for tea?! David: I’ll gladly take another one! Thanks, Linn! Umm, wait… I’ve got a mug here. *you can hear rustling again for a moment and then Linn’s voice closer to the laptop again* Linn: Matteo? When you come home from the hospital next Friday and everything went well, then I’ll also make you hot chocolate! You do like hot chocolate!

Matteo: *smiles again slightly and hopes that she’ll keep her promise* *if he’s thinking about it now, then Linn would really be the person he’d like to have with him the most* *someone who doesn’t ask many questions, just someone who understands him and who’s there*

David: *rustling again* Hans: And she’s gone… so, my butterfly, I’ll leave you alone with your sweetheart again now! If there’s anything going on on Friday, then call me, ok? I’m at work but for you I’ll stop working anytime! You count as an emergency! Don’t worry too much! I’ll be thinking of you and sending kisses! *you can hear a kissing noise and Hans’ laughter* By, my butterfly! *you can hear rustling and the door and then hear David sigh* Oh man… those two are really… *laughs quietly* ...something special! *you can hear him sigh again and then ask quietly* I miss you! Right now, but I’m sure also next Friday when I’m in surgery… subconsciously. I’m already looking forward to when we’re seeing each other again - both this weekend and after the surgery. I want to hug you! I want you lying next to me! I want you closeby… *you can hear him quietly sigh again* Okay… I’ll go have some hot chocolate now and I’ll be in touch again later. And you’ll get a few songs in the meantime! Oh and you can open the next package… number 5… *laughs quietly* No idea if you find that somehow stupid or unnecessary but I thought it might be  good to hold something in your hand to relieve stress or fears or tension or something… (in the package there’s a anti-stress ball) So, talk to you later! I’m thinking of you!

James TW - You & Me Joris - Hoffnungslos hoffnungsvoll Ravenscode - My Escape

Matteo: *unwraps the anti-stress-ball and has to smile a little because it’s simply so perfect* *puts the empty cocoa-pack aside, which he used to fiddle around until now* *lets the ball roll through his hands and listens to the songs* *closes his eyes again and thinks about Hans and Linn and their irrevocable solidarity and friendship and family* *can feel how grateful he is that he has those people in his life and that David is a part of them*

...to be continued...

(next play)