#do I still have worth?
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I just can't get it out of my head. like a church bell ringing. I could've given you salvation and I would've taken you in sin
you were my salvation and sin
Kaci O'Meara ☆
#poetry#writing#writeblr#creative writing#spilled thoughts#spilled poetry#spilled tears#religion#religious imagery#tw religious themes#religious poetry#religious poem#adam and eve#i'm so tired#love lessons#alternative#love hurts#do I still have worth?#men are the worst#am i not enough#am i not good enough?#bitterness#female rage#female writers#gothic#religious art
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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The leftism/anticapitalism leaving people's bodies the zeptosecond you imply that disabled people who aren't "productive" still matter in society and need to be treated like intrinsic equals who have a place in this world:
#disability#disability advocacy#described images#image description in alt#ableism#ableism tw#my full-time job is my disability and you're lucky that i am still 'productive' as-is#your boss doesn't care that you think you're superior for being hired by them. they're still going to treat you like profit machines#it astounds me how people will capitulate for oppression because they place their intrinsic value in their ability to be at the top...#...or at least 'at the top' compared to others. it's the same impulse that makes people think their cisgender status makes them superior...#...you are placing your worth into systems which not only oppress others but offer you no true sense of worth...#...ESPECIALLY if you're also being exploited (even if just a bit)...#...you have a job sure but... do you actually get treated like a human being? are you actually paid? are you actually safe?...#...if the answer to any of those questions and more is 'no' then why do you place your value in capitalistic production. genuinely.#and why would you DEMAND disabled people to have the same exploitation you experience. why do you DEMAND productivity if you are proletaria#yes being a leftist and anticapitalist are linked but. some people still internalize capitalism without questioning it#being a leftist is about challenging that rather than assuming you're correct i think#also scientists were very silly when describing time that's like. less than a millisecond i think
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Why are you running?
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang yanli#jin zixuan#The ship between Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli is yuri. To me.#That whole tearful public confession? The way he immediately runs off? Yuriful.#Everyone going 'oh my god what' and 'hey why are you running off???' makes this chaotic scene even funnier.#He's going to just hide behind a tree a few meters away. They can still see his little hat poking out as he cries.#If I was JYL I would have started biting someone.#What do you *mean* the guy you once had feelings for but treated you poorly now says he likes you? What do you do with that information?#Is it character development? Is it worth letting your heart open up again? Is it a mistake to be vulnerable like that?#Not enough credit is given to the internal torment of shijie.#It really does feel like your world is spinning around when someone you did not expect to confess *does*.#This guy has a LOT to make up for though. I wouldn't take him back but I'm also too rational for my own good at times.
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could you pleaseee draw more of the kaufmo lives AU? I'd love to see more of it 🥺🥺🥺🥺 please!!
get a jestie who will go batshit for you (in defense)
#i do have more stuff of this AU but idk if its still worth showing now#i do think throwing gummigoo into the mix would be fun tho#they'd be a fun trio#also please give pomni her own support squad#tadc#tadc pomni#tadc fanart#tadc kaufmo#kaufmo#pomni#kaufmosis adverted au#my art#fanart#the amazing digital circus#the amazing digital circus fanart
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I DID IT I GOT MY PINK HAYATE now I am never doing that again!
(at least until they give me, like, a frilly unicorn Kamui or something)
#art#ride kamens#last note#i did this SO fast i'm sorry#i was just so excited i actually managed it!#look as a super casual f2p player who has never made a chaostone higher than a+#350k points is a frikkin ACHIEVEMENT#but how could i say no when i got lucky enough to pull the fancy ribbons-and-lace birdboy#and then they tell me i can turn him pink on top of that?#(i'm definitely not still bitter about missing out on a certain other card in another game NOPE)#plus. i mean. i also just kinda wanted to see if i could.#but now i have pretty pink perfume hayate on my home screen and i am Fulfilled#i haven't even read the story yet because i've been so focused on grinding out tickets i have NO context for why he is so fancy#now i have literally thousands of event seals i have to figure out what to do with in the next few hours. hm.#i also have to keep telling myself to save my diamonds and not do just oooone more pull to see if i can get a shion to turn blue...#it's not going to happen and it's not worth it#but whaaaat iiiif...
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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have a star, go back in time, but nothing changes, would you do it?
#it appears I still cannot do anything but angst for them#interested to know if any of you would also take the star#me?...I wont#but if it meant having to hear someone's voice again - to feel the touch of the only person that really mattered#then perhaps it'd be worth it to go through everything together again#and again#gummmyart#doodle#ghostsoap#soapghost#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#simon riley#im a bit rusted with Soap forgive me lol#call of duty#cod#cod mw#cod mw2#cod mw3#call of duty modern warfare
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tiefling jon's first day at the Archives
#id in alt#the magnus archives#tma#magnus archives#elias bouchard#jonathan sims#tma jon#jon tma#jon sims#tma dnd au#tiefling jon#gammijart#tma s4#so this is that comic i was talking about a few weeks ago. with way too many backgrounds and effort#ill say i did enjoy doing the backgrounds a lot and thats worth a whole lot. but also. if this gets no notes i will. cry#anyways. love drawing a correct perspective grid and then fucking it up in favor of something that is wrong but FEELS right <3#also any anachronisms shall be explained by this being a fantasy setting#always difficult to post something that's not a joke. sincerity. yuck#and this does still have some jokes. just less punchy than id usually post. also no jmart or other ships. whoof#i havent done enough with elias. he's such a slimy bastard - v fun to write#he talks a bit more formally here than in canon but tbf he is an elf so /shrug#EDIT: aaaah between panels 4 and 8 i forgot i gave him an ace ring!!
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Tech is tall. He discovered it can be a tactical advantage in the affairs of the heart
Reference image for first drawing under cut
#mydoodle#I was going to throw this into my scheduled techphee art compilation post but I still have some drawings to finish for that#I am. so enamoured by them right now#techphee#tech tbb#phee genoa#the bad batch#I drew these when I had a day left to do two week's worth of finals work because my brain works like that... h#I'm a 6'4 Tech truther by the way. He was hunching when they measured him again later trust me
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Eve
I too, like Eve was tricked with tempting whispers to drive my divine teeth into bitter sweetness unbeknownst to the devil in disguise's tongue in my ear young and naive to the consequences and what this means going forward for my humanity
Kaci O'Meara ☆
#poetry#writing#writeblr#creative writing#spilled thoughts#spilled poetry#spilled tears#religion#religious imagery#tw religious themes#religious poetry#religious poem#adam and eve#i'm so tired#love lessons#alternative#love hurts#do I still have worth?#men are the worst#am i not enough#am i not good enough?#bitterness#female rage#female writers
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today i love the red metal crane in her long neck arching her body over the boston skyline, which means i am okay for a moment. when i am unwell, everything is a little ugly. i always tell myself look for the beauty but when it is bad, i will look at birds and sunsets and little ducklings and feel absolutely nothing.
when my brother got his puppy, i was in a deep depression. what kind of monster isn't affected by a puppy. i was gentle and kind to her - i just didn't have an emotional reaction. she's five now and i feel like i spend all of our interactions apologizing to her - i don't know why. i just didn't feel anything. how embarrassing. i feel like if i admit that, i'll seem cruel and jaded. it comes in waves. like, two months ago when i went out into the world - it was like that. life behind a pane of stormglass. a firework could go off over your head - nothing. like dead skin, no reaction. not to ice cream or rainbows or baby chickens. life foggy and uninteresting.
i love goslings again. i love their little webbed feet splayed over grass. i love good food and live music and long walks. i like puppies. i feel like some kind of my soul has been starved - i keep staring at everything with wide eyes, trying to burrow the sensation into my stomach. it's real. beauty is real. when it's bad again, remember this. i stop and smell the flowers, feeling cliche in the moment. i like the white-to-red ombre of my neighbor's roses. i like colorcoding and yoga and cold drinks. i try to pass my hands over every moment, feeling like i'm squeezing joy out of every instant. remember this. for the love of god, it's real - just remember this.
#and yet i NEVER DO REMEMBER IT#spilled ink#writeblr#i feel like due to tiktok ppl think >#deeply depressed & not having an emotional reaction to things MUST mean#you are cruel or uncaring#like girlie that is STILL a lack of mental illness awareness. it doesn't make us mean#it just means im like. ohhhh im not well. i don't really react to puppies. that's bad#Im still gonna be super nice to the puppy. like it just doesn't bring me joy.#bc the problem i have is CLINICAL. the dopamine ISNT being made.#but PLENTY of us are still kind#considerate.#GENTLE people. even if we're like '..........' all the time.#i actually think this is why i'm harsh on people who are so mean - you don't need to be emotionally attached to someone/thing#in order to be kind.... you just choose to be kind bc it's the right thing to do#not bc it's easy....... like it's extra effort sure. but it's worth it. bc ppl deserve kindness.#it's hard to describe this bc it's the ugly side of depression. the part that's like#not in netflix - the part where it's like ''i love this person. i just don't feel anything''
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#jerejean#fanart#all for the game#jeremy knox#jean moreau#FIRST TIME I DREW JEAN MOREAU EVERYONE BE NICE TO ME#i specifically gave him a haircut in this because last we know his hair is still uneven#so this is the product of catlaila having taken him to a barber and surprising Jeremy with Jean (undercut) instead of Jean (Uneven)#EYE think its charming ... but it also implies Post Sunshine court events so.#I'm a happy gal im a happy girl i like to think happy things#yes that IS bark bark on the sweaters#yes Jeremy DID get them custom made#yes it WAS a ridiculous price#YES IT WAS WORTH IT STOP ASKING JEREMY THAT!!!#anyway. I will probably do catlaila and sethison#aaanndd danmatt and nickyerik version of this as well#jurys out on andreil because i dont believe they would participate in matching sweaters#OUT OF FESITIVITY RELATED STUFF RATHER THAN GENERAL MATCHING#like do they gaf about christmas like that... idk.....#but we shall see.#other fandoms#other fandoms: all for the game
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Prompt:
Jason keeps accidentally drawing parallels between his running away to Ethiopia and getting killed.
He leaves a note saying he‘ll be back soon? Three terrified bats AND a supe crashing through the roof of a 7/11.
Casually mentioning he‘ll be going overseas to check up on a lead? Surprise! Nightwing‘s going the same way! What a coincidence!
Jason pushes someone off the roof? “Don’t worry Jaylad, I know it was an accident!!!!”
The next gig takes place at an abandoned warehouse? “Explosives whomst?? No, Jason, of course I didn’t scout the area beforehand. Don’t be absurd. Your bombs?? Oh, those were yours?”
Look, it’s not that Jason doesn’t appreciate a demonstration of how much they care. But he’s getting seriously fed up with the level of overprotectiveness everyone’s displaying.
Although, in retrospect, he could have handled this whole thing better than having an open spat with Bruce and then disappearing on them for two months straight. Oops.
(In his defense, Kori got them cards for a once-in-life-time-space-opera.)
#prompt#still stuck in the hospital and I need something to giggle at rn#and what’s better for it than some batfam crack#Jason did not think that last one through#that stunt was not worth Bruce having a genuine and full blown meltdown#also can someone please explain why everyone’s got contingency plans for Nightwing on display?#what do you mean you haven’t slept for a week Tim?#WGAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR’RE LEGALLY A ROGUE NOW!?#Kori I need you to extend our space trip-#Kori: hell no you’re on your own bye#Kori: Roy get Biz and then we’re outta here#Kori: we’ll check back next year if earth still exists#Alfred: … I take it I can store the guns back in their appropriate places?#Jason: ????????????????#jason todd#batfamily#dick grayson#bruce wayne#batfam#robin#tim drake#red hood#unhinged family#protective#I snuck a teeny tiny amount of implied superbat in here#because Clark has adopted all the bat children sorry I don’t make the rules
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#still yakuza lmao#I don't remember which day I started it but it was definitely no earlier than the 30th#I think I didn't start until I actually got holiday packages into the mail on the 3rd.#my partner started playing it like the day after it got released for switch#which I think was late october?#but he has like. a job. so he's just been playing an hour here a couple hours there yknow#we are both very much getting our money's worth though lol#I try to stop playing by midnight but I didn't manage that today -n-#I really wanted to find the last 2000 yen bill without looking it up but I was Struggling#(I did find it tho)#I've still got a decent amount of stuff left to do#even discounting the completion list stuff that doesn't interest me like the gambling#which I might at least try to do anyway#but we're both in chapter 9 of the main story now (although he's already a ways in)#(and I technically haven't done the last conversation of chapter 8 but I did all the actual Doin Stuff)#it sounds like there's probably 10 chapters from a thing I saw having to look up where majima was hiding the first time?#that's the only thing I've looked up so far though.#anyway I'm having fun#this is why I refused to start playing yakuza until I finished my holiday crafts.#oh wait I also looked up a clarifying explanation on one of the dragon moves you have to learn#I wanna do as much of it as I can without external guides#update from the next day I was incorrect about there being 10 chapters yay :)#more game for meeeee
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me: I'm not a bat
Mr pages: (stuffing novels under its robe): I must abscond
#I have a lot of other bits I've collected but don't want to overwhelm the tag#I really would suggest motr and to play it as like. I like it for giving us a day to day slightly more grounded neath life#I think fallen london is a great setting well conveyed in total but motr is way more fleshed out in a “you're just a guy” way#I also really like the character writing. The gameplay to solve the mysteries is quite obtuse in total but I used a hint guide so it was#I knew what to do bc I would NOT have succeeded otherwise. But experiencing it was still fun#I'm quite torn on how good an intro it is for FL. I think that depends on your genre of choice but as a world introduction...#Idk!! In theory it's probably good. But I'd need to hear from people who went through it as their first to say. It touches on a bit of it a#Mask of the rose spoilers#Fallen london#for virginia and milton teaming up to bully you + mr pages ridiuclous comedy of a life it's worth it to me
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