#do I remember most of it after I've said it somewhere online? no

[jankwritten]

Percy lived with Jack and Bitty???!!! Your brain🤩🤩

OH YES HE DID HEHEHEHE

Percy's side of hockey AU needs A LOT of work (it was written before Spotlight, so it's kind of the precursor, and contains a lot of stuff that's been rewritten or changed since then) but his past with Jack and Bitty will Remain.

Percy was a MESS when he first got brought into the NHL. I haven't decided if I want to change his backstory (originally he was scouted out like Jack was and given a contract, but that was before I had a better idea of how the NHL actually works LMAO) but he basically wasn't going to make it in hockey, and was going through a massive life crisis about it.

So then, of course, that's when he got called up to be a Falc. Percy, who at that point had only ever lived with other people like his parents and Annabeth, had NO CLUE how to take care of himself. Apparently that's the reality of a lot of hockey players who grew up in the system, and so I think Percy would also have a touch of that "I kind of don't know how to do laundry please help me" stuff.

He doesn't get an apartment in time and is basically living out of a hotel for all of training camp, at which point Jack is like "dude. you're a good player, a really good player, but you're a mess off the ice. what the fuck is your deal." and after Percy explained his whole situation, trying to laugh it off in the typical Jackson way, Jack said, "There's more than enough room at my place, as long as you don't mind the, uh. baking."

anyway jack and bitty are two of Percy's best best friends and they all still hang out and have dinner together etc etc. I have plans in my rewrite of Percy's AU (tentatively called So We Meet Again) for them to know Annabeth as well, and have met her multiple times and whatnot.

Annabeth Shitty and Lardo in a room together the world implodes and then explodes.

[give-me-your-heart]

Super Spectacular 250 Follower Event!

Welcome to the garden⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ Unlike the previous one, however, this one is filled with everything but flowers★*⁠.⁠✧!!

Musical Mushrooms 🍄

“If you call out to them, they'll call out right back!” Q&A★ Ask me quite literally anything about my interests, my faves, you can even give me a topic or character to analyse, as long as I'm already familiar with them! But nothing too personal(age, height, etc)!! Though if a certain question makes me uncomfortable, I won't answer it.

Limit: none, can send multiple questions per ask✮ 𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

The Frog Pond 🐸

“The frogs love to hop around on the lily pads. They make the cutest sights ever!” A moodboard★ Send in a character of your choice from a fandom in the intro post, and I'll make a moodboard for them!!

Limit: one moodboard per person⭒⋆☾⋆✧

Fairy's Cottage 🧚‍♀️

“The fairies are always whizzing around and spicing appearances up with outfits they seem to pull from thin air!” Custom outfits★ Request any fictional character of your choice(doesn't have to be from a fandom of mine) and some accessories or clothing pieces(e.g. santa hat, short-sleeved purple shirt, etc.) or let me edit some probably strange outfit onto them!! You can also provide a theme(e.g. witch, wizard, hatsune miku, etc.)!!

Limit: multiple characters in separate asks after i've finished the first one⋆｡‧˚ʚɞ˚‧｡⋆

The Magic Mirror 🪞

“It's said that at the very bottom of the pond is a magic mirror that reflects the true nature of your soul...” What reminds me of you★ Drop an ask and I'll include something that makes me think of you!!

Limit: one per person ࣪˖ ⊹₊ ⋆

portal to the intro post+speech utc★!!

WOW. 250... this feels so unreal honestly😭😭 the story of how i joined tumblr is kinda mediocre lmao. basically, it was the only social media website that was accessible on my school computer, so i set an account up with my school email(for confidential reasons). why? because i had, and still have, a lot of thoughts. especially interest related!! but most of my irls dont listen and i have lots of limitations for posting on whatsapp. so i decided to put my thoughts, fandom and non-fandom, onto here!! a blog for anyone that wants to hear me out★ then i got into rp and started making online friends, finding people i admired(cough @/artist-kreating-stuff and @/catihere cough), and soon, tumblr wasnt just a place for me to put my thoughts. it was like a second home. somewhere i really connected with. since then, ive made more friends and found more people that i look up to and am too scared to approach off anon, and it's been fun!!! ive been here for... eight months? seven to eight months. ive made memes, theories, etc. and i have no regrets :) love you guys so so much, hope youre all doing fine, and remember, im always right beside you in spirit, offering you hugs and love<3

thank you so much for 250🫶🫶

[femslashfeb]

HELLO ALL

TLDR

No reblogging from the blog this year - posting prompts tomorrow the 31st

For the past few years I've very much struggled with reblogging everyone's activity in the tag. So this year I will not be doing so.

(OR maybe I will? I just don't want to commit)

Even if I knew how to make a bot that reblogs - a lot of people still use the unique tag to tag outside challenges. So I've always had to hand submit. However it became too stressful for me and for the past few years I ended up avoiding it until later weeks or even months.

If you noticed I didn't finish reblogging last year so- I've just given up on that.

Honestly I've struggled a lot with depression for the last 7 years or so. It's been harder and harder to find my way back to tumblr. It doesn't help that my phone can barely handle the amount of apps it already has.

My main account @puff-pink hardly ever updates because of my big sad. And I don't know if I'll ever get back on the horse in the same way I did before.

Some of you know me as an artist, and tho I still churn out subpar art for my day-job I've struggled a lot to make art for myself during my depression. Partially because one year I overworked my hand - and still deal in continual wrist aches. Even the weeks I don't pick up a drawing tool.

I intended this challenge for myself and maybe the small fandoms I was in at the time. But it took off among writers and creators of all types across all fandoms.

One year I even tried to tally the most popular fandoms but there were honestly too many to keep track of- and I stopped after the first three pages of submissions.

I don't claim to have invented the concept of FemSlash February. Before I started the prompts I swear I had heard the phrase somewhere. Tho not sure where. Perhaps it had been amongst my friends on Skype. Back when I had online friends and Skype(I'm still not sold on Discord🤷‍♀️).

However that January I thought it would be fun to partake in a challenge of some kind. But scouring tumblr and the general internet. I could only find half hearted efforts on fanfiction sites from years past.

I'm so proud of all my Sapphic creators on here that have partaken every year. Even if I've never shown favoritism or awarded anyone. I do notice those that actually complete the challenge AND those that keep coming back each year(looking at you H20 writer(I don't remember your username but there's a mermaid writer that's a writing machine)). I truly am proud of you especially in my shriveled state of creativity. Thank you for your efforts. For your hype. And for your love of women of all kinds across all the universes.

Each year I'm surprised to find even more categories I never thought to include. From mood boards, to doll photography, to ofc the classic art and writing. May your pencils forever be in union with your sister mediums.

On that note. There is a strict NO AI GENERATED ART or writing this year.

Not that I could physically stop anyone who does use AI. But I do not want that sort of thing associated with this challenge. It's become scarily good in 2023 to the point it can't always be identified. So I simply ask for the honor system when it comes to AI generated creations.

That being said. If you've made it to the end of this post:

Prompts will be posted tomorrow.

I usually prefer to give yall more of a buffer, but I've been busy. Both with Big Sad, rescuing some feral cats, my own life, errands, chores and work.

If you're still here- here is a preview of the first three days.

FEB 1 - black

FEB 2 - spring

FEB 3 - cake

The 14th as usual will be some sort of Valentine romance type theme(haven't decided specifically yet) and as always there will be a Rest Day.

Expect some repeat prompts. In the past I tried to avoid them but idc anymore.

It's also a Leap Year this year so expect one extra prompt to throw off the symmetry of what's normally 28 days.

Thanks for coming back this year. And thank you to those that still check on this blog.

❤️🧡🤍💜🩷

Keep loving girls

-PuffPink

[cardicoven]

hi!! could you share any of your experiences interacting with persephone? or how has it felt to communicate with her? or even just fun anecdotes. ive given her an offering and im so happy to worship her... but god theres so little info or people talking about her!!!

Hey! So thanks for the lovely question, its great to hear that your reaching out to Persephone and are looking into worshipping her. I've been working with Persephone for around 3 years, giving weekly (often daily) offering and have maintained an altar space for her throughout that time. I say this not to boast or seem all knowing on the topic but to give some small context on my practice with her. Like many others my practice and worship of Persephone varies with the seasons, I feel her most strongly in Spring and Summer. During this time when light her candle I feel her presence, almost in that way when a Parent/Mentor/Guardian looks in your direction and you feel their eyes on you. When I leave offering during these months, I often experience feedback sometimes emotional, rarely I'll hear an affirmation, 'Thank you' or 'how thoughtful' kinda thing. When I call for her assistance in ritual I feel her behind me, sometimes guiding my hand, or I'll smell/taste something she advises for the ritual, only for the feeling to pass when I lay my hands on the herb/oil/item suggested. When it comes to divination she a dedicated card in my Tarot the 10 of Pentacles (which in my deck is the Pomegranate 10 of Crops, I use the Bottanical Deck link) and in my experience she's always happy to make it appear when she has something to say during Divination. In Autumn and Winter my experiences with her is very different, she feels distant, less patient, she's in the Underworld and has stuff to do. I don't feel her when I light my candles or leave small offerings. Only when I Invoke her and ask for her help in ritual do I feel her presence, its powerful, not stern per se but business esc, she's there to help and her time is not to be wasted. During this time I only invoke her when I really need her, most often in death work, or partially important banishings/protections and I always have a sizable offering at this time. That's not to say Persephone is not comforting or compassionate towards me in the colder months, her attention is elsewhere, and her responsibilities are with the dead.

That's all little heavy so here's a fun Anecdote. A few Years ago, myself and some witchy friends had a Party, there was plenty of drinking and debauchery (we were celebrating a friends bad break up). During a lull in the evening we pulled some cards and did some Tarot, nothing serious just good fun freaking out a few non-witchy friends, nevertheless Persephone had a word or two to share on the breakup, and while I don't remember much of it, it consisted of pointing out the Guys flaws and highlighting my friends strengths. After we put the cards away my friend asked how she should thank Persephone for her insight, I said leave her a wee offering, pour a shot out for her outside. My friend did so and said the following 'Thank for your wisdom Lady Pomegranate', before going back inside and passing out. I guess it's the thought that's counts.

Just gonna finish this off with a small list of recommended Reading since Anon is just starting out, and hopefully it might be useful. I'll link to Goodreads, but you should be able to find copies of these online somewhere if you try to. o Persephone's Pathway by Jennifer Heather: link : a wonderful exploration of Persephone from a modern pagan perspective but not without flaw. (my review) o Greek Religion by Walter Burkert: link : Currently making my way through this, it's academic and a heavy read but so far enlightening. o Old Stones, New Temples by Drew Campbell: link : an older book about Hellenic reconstructionism, reading it atm, so far its heavy but good. o Underworld Gods in Ancient Greek Religion by Ellie Mackin Roberts: link : On my reading list, 'This volume presents a case for how and why people in archaic and classical Greece worshipped Underworld gods.' o Hellenic Polytheism: Household Worship by LABRYS: link : I haven't got around to this yet but it's comes highly recommended. Hope this helps, and thanks again for the ask.

[fandomwritingbit]

I don't know about you, but tests and all that scary stuff is coming around for me next week, and all year I've been having horrible little thoughts about William lately.

So get this, lets say you actually study for that type of stuff (i know i don't) and you just can't get the information to stick in your head!

✨Magically!✨ You or Will, idrc comes up with the bright idea on how to get it to stick in your head by sitting on his dick and reading or going over whatever you've gotta remember

i might've read this somewhere butttttt, i'm a needy little whore at 1 am lets goooo

Before I forget, I love your fics and I have never submitted one before so...! As usual, drink your water, eat some food, and remember to get rest! unlike some of us Lastly, don't forget to sexualize your favorite old man/woman/other

Hi, thanks for the request, this one was an absolute joy to recieve, I love all your little asides lol. Please feel free to send others!

Exams season is a killer and I really hope you get what you want out of it, just remember that tests and numbers and shit don't define you as a person Xx

That being said, whilst this may not be the most optimal way to study, its certainly the most enjoyable...

william afton x (gn)reader

A/N- Reader's between 18 and early 20s. William is a neighbour, for my plot convenience lmao.

You're sitting at the kitchen table to do some studying today, rather than barricaded in your room as usual. You'd read something online about a change of scenery being good for remembering stuff and because your parents were out it seemed a good opportunity.

With each passing minute, you dawned to the conclusion that that post was bollocks because it wasn't working.

You had your laptop open in front of you, surrounded by a frankly obnoxious amount of papers, trying to wrap your head around content for an exam tomorrow. But each time you wrote a line it was like your mind was rubbed blank, Men in Black style. It was so frustrating, and you knew you should have done it earlier but, good god, why was it so hard to remember anything?

So engrossed in feeling inadequate, you flip the laptop shut angrily, tilting your head back so it touched the chair in anguish. Defeated. It was as you did this that you clocked a figure in the kitchen doorway, making your body jerk up-right and turn round in one fluid moment.

Keep reading

"Mr Afton, how long hav- what are you doing here?" you blurt out, quick to try and compose yourself, you weren't physically or mentally ready for guests, especially ones you'd been casually hooking up with since you moved back home.

"Just dropping this off for your dad. I didn't want to interrupt cos you seem to be... trying not to cry?" 

He laughed as he said the last part, moving over towards you and helping himself to a chair. Pushing all your papers to the side without asking. "What's wrong then, been missing me?"

Usually you'd laugh at that but you just shrug at him, half angry at his expression and half at your situation. "You know, I could fucking cry." You do manage a laugh, but its shaky, "Because I'm going to fucking fail this fucking exam because I can't drill any of this shit through my fucking thick fucking skull." You rattle off quickly, each use of 'fucking' harsher than the last.

...

You hadn't really meant to let any of that out. But frustration had taken hold a bit too strongly there.

Afton just stared at you for a few seconds, his lips pressed into a hard line and you could tell he was trying not to laugh at you. You were a bit unsure how you'd react if he did.

After a few moments of silence you place your forehead in your hands and mutter 'sorry'.

"You're alright. Though you shouldn't be studying whilst you're upset, no wonder nothings going in."

"...If you tell me to calm down, I'll lose it." you say, head still in hands, laughing a bit at how much this was bothering you, it was an exam, a booklet of paper, what kind of melt would be this upset. Literally everyone else, you suppose. You take a deep breath.

"Right. Uh when's the test?" he asks you, half looking at a sheet of notes, his interest quickly peaked.

You laugh shortly. "9am."

"Then you've got... What, 20 hours? You've got time to calm down and revise." He put his hand on your shoulder, "You, sweetheart, need to relax."

You swat his hand away, laughing at his cockiness you could tell where this was going, "That's why you came over then? Heard dad's car door shut and your shoes were half-on I'll bet?"

He flashed you a smarmy grin, "You're not far wrong." You shake your head, messing about with this prick was the last thing you should be doing, but the first thing you needed.

"You know, if this type of revision isn't working for you... I heard that associating information with a sense can help you remember things."

You could hardly believe him, seeing you upset and still vying for what he came for. A risky move, Really. You suppose it took cojones, could have made you want to grab a hold of his, or squash them under your shoe.

"Oh yeah?" you ask sarcastically, "What are you suggesting?"

~

You're not sure how long it took for fresh marks to appear on your neck and your pants to be around your ankles, but you quickly find yourself sitting on his lap and letting his cock slip inside you.

As familiar as the low grunt from behind your ear was becoming, the feeling of him stretching you open always surprised you.

You raise your hips up and press back down again, moaning slightly, he let you slowly ride him for a few moments before, just as your rhythm increased, he grabbed your hips.

"Easy," his voice was thick, brushing against your neck, "You're supposed to be fucking studying."

You groan your protest, a hair away from booing him. "What is it you study again?" His question makes you laugh and you lean back against him with your back arching, causing him to grunt. He gripped your hips harder now forcing you still.

"Fuck 's sake. History."

He hummed in your ear, thinking for a minute, whilst your body throbbed around him desperate for some kind of stimulation. "And what's this on?" He could tell you were aching for something so he pushed you forwards, dragging you back, the angle allowing him to press so fucking deep.

"Come on, sweetheart."

"Civil war. Spanish."

Your gruff answer mirrored his growing frustrations.

"And uh... I don't- who won that?" The fact he couldn't move inside your tight hole was making him white-knuckled with restraint.

"-Nationalists."

With your one word answer that was enough studying for the both of you. He started to move your hips along him, letting your eager pace take over.

You knew that you were going to be up all night doing this now, but you didn't really mind.

[prettywordsyouleft]

2024 Writer's Wrapped

Thanks @blizzardfluffykpop for being so kind and tagging me in their wrap up. I'm not sure if this is going to be an amazing one compared, since I've written very little this year, but I think it's important to look over what I have achieved, considering I have some ambitious goals to get back into writing more in 2025 (life playing ball and not throwing anymore curveballs withstanding).

Tagging @noona-clock because I know B is still writing, and any of my other wonderful mutuals who write who see this, have a go!

Anyway, here is my Writer's Wrapped.

First Fic of 2024:

Every Damn Time - Park Jinyoung x female reader (published 30th April)

You can tell this entire year has been really hard for me and my mother around her health as this was written at the start of the year, I didn't have time to post it until April. At this point in time, Mum had been pretty dizzy from medication and just really unwell, and I remember writing this story out through tears on my phone in bed to calm down enough to go to sleep. Whilst this wasn't anywhere near as bad as it got, writing or reading really helped me endure everything that went wrong this year for Mum. And of course, I turned to Jinyoung for comfort. If it's not him, it's Kyungsoo lol.

Last Fic:

Missed Me - Park Jinyoung x female reader (published 7th November)

The fact that Jinyoung got me writing again thanks to his military discharge still makes me annoyed. But I'm glad I'm writing again, so I guess this story was a necessary evil. It's technically not the last thing I've written this year, as I have two stories to go up in January already, but it's the last thing I've posted in 2024.

Longest Fic:

Business or Pleasure [M] - Jung Jaehyun x female reader (1608 words)

Yeah, I still cannot believe I wrote a dedicated smut scenario either. Let alone post it online, but here we are.

Most Popular Fic of 2024:

Personal Torture - Bang Chan x female reader (has 127 notes currently)

I still dread returning to the gym thinking about this. I had to quit to take care of Mum full-time soon after writing this as I just couldn't do everything in a day, and now I'm wanting to improve my health so I can look out for myself anddddd definitely not getting a personal trainer any time soon if I return. But I love this story. And if you love Chan, well maybe you should look out for 2025 👀 a series I started like 2-3 years ago is FINALLY getting posted...

Personal Pick:

Well, there's only one fiction left that's not posted above, so let's pick it now.

Roll Into Me - Park Chanyeol x female reader

I dunno why I wrote this, just that I was enjoying playing around with how far I could take my suggestive content without cringing.

*whispers* Business or Pleasure is actually my favourite of them all, but the less said on that, the better.

Total Fics Written:

Five published on here. Two that are unpublished and will be shared next year. Several ideas written down but no progress on yet.

Total Words Written:

4975 - way more than I thought I'd get done.

I also have a fictional world that I write on for my close friends. And I think I did about 3-5k there earlier in the year. I'm really behind in that world actually >_<

Top Artists Muses:

Annoyingly, we know who is my top muse.

In Conclusion:

2024 wasn't the year for me to write, but a year to survive. One that I had pockets of creativity to endure what a shitfest it was for me and my family. Equally, it showed me that writing is helpful, and that I shouldn't feel like I can't do it anymore because I read books now. It's kind of a snobbish sounding response that, but what I mean is, I know I don't have the backbone to publish a book anywhere. I couldn't handle someone like myself who reviews books on the regular trashing anything I write. So I decided, I just can't write anymore somewhere in amongst that thinking.

But I can, and I don't have to publish a novel to prove that. I just have to write in what capacity I choose to.

Let's hope I can give this blog more love in 2025, try new things, keep expanding on what I enjoy writing, and just rediscover my love for writing whilst enduring the grief I'm living through with the death of my mum. I think it will be a cathartic experience.

[florenceisfalling]

Lego

at some point in my youth or something i obtained a lego tupperware for sandwich-holding purposes. i straight up cant even find a picture of the exact one online. its just a sandwich tupperware but with a lid that looks like a lego. its yellow and clear. it holds a sandwich effectively. a lot of my school lunches were in that specific tupperware. i was not cool enough to be a lego kid and i have no idea why i have it.

not to throw a curveball in the story, but i collect dead bugs. moths especially, and my best find was a polyphemus moth on the porch one day. my mom and i both got so excited over it, but i needed to stay outside longer so i just put said moth gently on a potted plant and planned to grab it before i went back inside. i forgot it, sadly, and by the time my mom remembered and went out to see if it was still okay, it had become significantly more crumbled. my mom promised me that if she ever found another polyphemus moth intact, she would keep it for me. i still have the crumbled one. i don't keep my bugs very well preserved, sadly; i need to change this, genuinely.

another, far more jarring curveball: my mom died a bit over a year ago. she was sick, but it was still unexpected. dad drove her to the hospital after i helped her into the truck. for a few minutes, i did watch her stop breathing and go unresponsive before we were able to wake her back up, and this gave me a really awful scare. she seemed to be doing better by the time dad drove off, but i was so panicked i burst into tears immediately and called my fiancee. i paced around the house and outside, walking in circles around the perimeter of the yard, rambling to her. and about the same time my mom died in the truck, or a little while before, i walked out to the back porch and saw a perfectly intact polyphemus moth sitting on the ground right in front of the chair my mom would always sit in on the porch.

my brother had dreams on his way to the hospital about her in the back yard too. it was her last gift to me, i think.

like i said, i'm bad at preserving bugs. sadly, her last gift to me has since lost its antennae and taken a little damage, i do intend to get it better preserved someday, probably by someone who can actually do it more professionally. for now i've got a painting of it.

but i did need somewhere to put it when i found it, and the first container i found in my house was that lego sandwich box. that moth is still very carefully packed between paper towels in a stupid plastic sandwich box. it does keep it pretty safe, actually, its a good size.

every time we get a fire drill on campus, they tell you not to grab anything. however, i would rather be dead than alive and lacking some of my most important belongings, so i always grab my backpack with my laptop - its nearly always two inches away from me anyway, my computer is like a vital organ to me - as well as my mom's bible, and that polyphemus moth. its always tucked safe in its container rather than on display, which is great when you're trying to exit a potentially burning building.

this does, however, have the admittedly funny side effect of having someone laugh ask me why i brought a neatly packed sandwich during an emergency every single fire drill.

[jazzpostsrandomthings]

My introduction to FFXIV

Hey, after posting the thing about the stress test server a few weeks ago, I got an idea to try and go down the memory lane, trying to recall everything that had happened during the time I've spent playing Final Fantasy XIV. I hope that someone would find my story and experiences interesting. After all, I found out that I enjoyed seeing other people's reactions to the game itself as well.

But in order to tell my story, I have to start somewhere. And I can't find a better way to do so than to tell you how I learnt of the game in the first place.

Not sure when exactly did it start, but I remember my friend mentioning that he was playing FFXIV during Summer this year, I think. I wasn't too interested, after all I had prior experience with MMORPGs like Aion, Tera, Black Desert, ArchAge and even that Digimon Masters Online or whatever was it called, and I didn't go further than level 30 in any of them (which meant I was playing for less than a month or a month and a half at max for Aion (the 2010 version prior to becoming the cash shop simulator with no story) and Digimon Masters). Why was I trying so many MMOs out in the first place? Well, my mom is actually into MMOs herself so I was visiting the titles she was playing as well (minus Digimon Masters) to help her and just find a title I would like, but it never clicked so I thought that maybe I wasn't into online gaming in the first place.

So when I heard that my friend was playing an MMORPG that was also a part of a franchise I didn't know much about, I kinda wanted to join... but I hesitated, knowing that it would probably end the same way as it did for five other titles I've listed above.

Fast-forward to the beginning of September 2023, September 2nd to be presice, when I saw some hentai-loving douche from a Russian Megaman Discord server saying how much the old gaming and MMOs sucked in comparison to perverted gachas he was playing with and how the critically-acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV was actually trash. Needless to say, the guy was banned for posting hentai there. But either way, what he said about FFXIV was actually a good advertisement for the game so I remembered what my friend was saying and decided to reach out to him, saying I am willing to give it a shot. I did mention that I might not stay for too long here due to my track record with MMORPGs, but he said it was fine and that I can leave if it doesn't light up the spark in me in a month. He then made a group DM with a friend of his who actually was a person I saw on a different server a few years ago so that was neat.

I made a SquareEnix account that same evening, downloaded the game and then logged into the Free Trial for the first time, getting hit with this game's version of Prelude (even though I wasn't a fan or FF series, I knew the tune) and feeling a sense of tranquility, staying on the screen for a few minutes and continuing to listen to it while fiddling with settings.

I watched the opening cinematic (it was great but I was wondering if the game even had Japanese voice acting because I like playing games and hearing their original language, be it English, Japanese or something else, just a personal preference) and got to the character creator. I was looking at the races, finding a liking to exactly the three of them -- cat-eared people with furry tails known as Miqo'te, tall and slender horned people named Au Ra and short child-like folk with long ears by the name of Lalafell.

Also I was struggling a lot with trying to read most of the race's names at first. It took me at least a few weeks to memorize them even.

At first, I wanted to make Axl as a cat boy here, thinking that I probably won't stick for long anyway (and I did make him in the game later, I still have his preset saved), but I decided to actually choose the race none of my friends picked up (one was a Miqo'te, other was an Au Ra), so I went for a lalafell and made my boy Pi from ROCKMAN ZERO - Chapter: AXL here to the best of my ability. One of the two friends was certainly really happy I chose a potato according to her messages when I had announced it :D

After getting freaked out by the game asking what my deity was (picked Oschon because Pi has a thing for exploring and learning new stuff about the world), I decided to pick the Healer class, before getting told not to do that because it would make early combat really annoying, and then my friend told me I can go for Arcanist since it would become a Healer class at level 30. Needless to say, I went for the book, then chose the Atomos server because my friends were there (ping wasn't bad here at all, even though everything tends to freeze rarely due to my internet provider screwing me over) and thus had set my eyes towards the seaside jewel of Eorzea -- Limsa Lominsa...

I didn't know there was a different opening for each of the city-states at that time so I had some flashbacks to ArchAge when my character, Pi Peataan (I REALLY didn't think much while giving the character a name), but then we had actually arrived to the city and... I realized I underestimated my PC with the potato graphics settings I had supposedly set for it. Those bushes took me out of it for a moment.

So, I arrived to Limsa, fixed the graphics, met Baderon Tenfingers (still giggling at that name), took notes that pirate speak is indeed quite hard for me to read quickly, then went to the main plaza with giant aetherite where I was met by my friends, the self-proclaimed 'emo catboy' Miqo'te Summoner/Scholar and an immensely tall black-scaled Auri Dark Knight. They greeted me, which made me feel all shy because before that I've only seen these people as 2D avatars and text messages, and now they could ran around me and kinda interact with me... ahem. One of them added me to the friends list (other couldn't, he was still in Free Trial), and then went their own ways while I had one hour left before the bed to explore the city.

I didn't know yet that you don't need to do yellow quests so i just picked up all the quests that were available in Limsa before proceeding with the main quest. I was getting lost in this giant city A LOT, which was the result of me having what I call "topographical cretinism", but I was... enjoying it. I ended the day without setting a foot outside the starting area, but I was looking forward towards tomorrow to explore some more, drifting to sleep while the main menu theme kept ringing in my head, accompanying me into my dreams...

Hope you enjoyed this entry. I will try to continue this series. I had a lot of fun remembering the details of the first day of FFXIV for me and what was I feeling during it all. Playing through it again with my friends that cannot play FFXIV or don't want to sink so much time into an MMO, and looking through the backlog of messages and screenshots in Discord I left while going through all of that certainly helped to assemble these memories back in a proper order.

Next Entry >>

[sea-of-dandelions]

Hiiii hello I saw your tags I'm climbing in here to ask about daisuke and okame ^^

i hold you. my most reliable mewtual. oblig spoilers for the entire series

Daisuke and Okame are two of the five main characters of the book trilogy Shadow of the Fox (written by Julie Kagawa, published 2019-2020)

Okay a little backstory on the plot itself. It's set in a fantasy version of Japan, Iwagoto, and heavily influenced by Japanese mythology. It follows a half-kitsune, Yumeko, and a demonslayer, Kage Tatsumi (and their group of friends that they pick up along the way. Mentioning Reika here. She's the head miko at this one really important shrine I can't remember the name of).

Essentially, there's this scroll that can summon a dragon and make a wish to alter reality every 1000 years or so. And after last time, it's been split up into three(?) pieces, to avoid. like. the possibility of someone being able to make said wish in 1000 years. Tatsumi has been sent by clan (the Kage/Shadow Clan, samurai iirc) to retrieve the pieces, and allies himself with Yumeko, who also wants to protect the pieces.

this is literally the best photo I can find of the map online. i cannot find a good photo of the english map. have fun.

Now. Taiyo Daisuke is a noble of the Sun Clan. Related to the Emperor of Iwagoto. An excellent swordsman. Refined, courteous, cultivated, etc etc etc, but disagrees with nobility's prejudices and way of life. And like. Tartaglia levels of bloodthirst here. iirc he went around Iwagoto as Oni no Mikoto and challenging people to duels for shits and giggles. One of the reasons he joins the group is specifically to fight Tatsumi. Has kinda a "neither of us can die until I get to duel you" relationship w him.

Hino Okame is a ronin. Snarky, sarcastic, annoying, loyal to a fault. Archer, gambler, alcoholic. I think some of his backstory was revealed in book 3 but that was the first book i read and it's been about two years since i've read it. I remember he has an older brother he feels very guilty towards. VERY important though, mentioning he refers to himself as an 'honourless ronin dog' several times throughout the series.

Initially, there's a lot of tension going on between the two. I mean. Nobility and ronin. See the above two paragraphs, their personalities conflict in several ways. It's mentioned several times that Wow nobles are dicks to everyone else. so like. what do you expect. Initially, Okame calls Daisuke by his last name (Taiyo). Eventually we see that Daisuke is Not Like Other Girls Nobles, and treats commoners as equals, even Okame.

HOWEVER there's a scene (in book 2, iirc) where the group is travelling to the Steel Feather temple (somewhere in the mountain range). The Confession Scene. Middle of the night. Daisuke and Okame are talking underneath a tree.

It's pretty blatantly stated that they're star-crossed. With like. The whole social status difference and everything. Okame (and likely several other people) would get killed if someone were to find out the Taiyo nobleman was kissing a ronin. being considered less than human and all. yk how it goes.

But they still kiss. Under the moonlight. Tada.

Unfortunately, since this is third person limited with a POV swap between Yumeko and Tatsumi (and Suki in the third book, who is, for all intents and purposes of this post, irrelevant) and you're just Aware that this private scene is being watched by Yumeko (foxed, thank god, but still).

BUT from this point on, Okame calls Daisuke by his first name. And idk when exactly this starts, but Okame starts referring to Daisuke as a peacock, and to himself as a dog. I think it might've came up in the confession scene

As I mentioned earlier, Daisuke is, well, Daisuke. In addition to wanting to fight Tatsumi, his preferred manner of death is to "die a glorious death in battle". Noting here that while Okame being as brash as he is, gets scared shitless and is very vocal about it.

etc etc their relationship progresses over the course of the series, beta couple to Yumeko and Tatsumi.

Nearing towards the climax of the story, they're going up a mountain (pointing to the map. territorio clan de la luna. moon clan territory.) and they're trying to stop the bbeg from summoning the dragon. They get ambushed halfway, Okame is incapacitated, Daisuke stays behind to fight the oni while Yumeko and Tatsumi continue forward.

Briefly. before i recount this entire chapter. Okame gets fatally wounded, Daisuke ends up having to stab himself to defeat the oni. They bleed out in each other's arms. Fully 1000% cuddling soaked in (mostly) their own blood. And depart to Meido together. And later say their goodbyes to Yumeko together. Daisuke gets his wish to die a glorious death and Okame keeps his promise to stay loyal to Daisuke.

And most importantly, by the end of book 3, Okame's petname for Daisuke was 'peacock'.

[harmonyckrs]

Day 11 of Twisted Strangetown: The Police Are Actually Doing Something

THE PREVIOUS DAY

NAME: TYBALT CAPULET

LIFE STAGE: TEEN

STATUS: UNKNOWN

SPECIAL NOTES: The most recent victim of the disappearances, and the the eldest child of the surviving Capulet family.

---

Dear Diary,

Tybalt Capulet is missing.

Because of this, school has been moved online. Grandpa decided to install some security cameras around the house, and Juliet and Mercutio won't stop spamming each other with insults in our homeroom's group chat.

I've also been hearing a lot of police sirens lately, which is strange considering Tybalt isn't even the first person to disappear. Why did it take him disappearing for people to sudden give a shit? Is it just because he's from a rich family that people care about or something? That'd be really fucked up if that was true.

Grandpa also got a call from Olive and I overheard them talking about Tybalt for a bit, saying all those dumb flattering words that people usually say about dead people before Olive mentioned that she noticed him leave the house at 3 am and turn towards the area with the condos. I'm not sure why Grandpa decided to put the call on speaker, but maybe he's losing his hearing and either way it helps me a lot. Grandpa and Olive started talking about the condos and its residents, consisting of the Curious family, Dina's sister, some guy whose wife disappeared a while ago, Ripp and his family, and a gym bro turned mythologist.

And that made me remember something! That mythologist was named Cyd, and Ms. Broke said he would have info on fairies. But Grandpa was being paranoid about me potentially disappearing, so I decided to try to get in contact with him. Unfortunately there's like no info on him at all besides some stuff about him being the founder of the "Dognatchi" technique, which I remembered doing with Dad as one of the few moments where he acknowledged my existence without yelling at me. I guess I have him to thank for that lol

After this I decided to call Ripp, only for it to end up voicemail along with this random guy telling me not to call again. Weird ass voicemail but whatever. Since Ripp wasn't available to investigate Cyd, I decided to just call Dirk only to find out his dad's trying to suck up to Kent in order to see if he can use him to get Dirk into private school, and Dirk's trying to befriend Ms. Heiress herself since Kent brought her along.

Good for Mr. Dreamer! I didn't think there was anything more to him other than liking art and fantasizing about a married woman, but it seems like he's not a total loser!

Unfortunately that does mean there's nobody else who can investigate for me. Angela's further away than I am, and considering how Dustin is right now I'm not sure if it's a good idea to ask him. I guess I'll just wait until tomorrow.

Meanwhile, somewhere else...

"Congratulations, Brandi, for being the first to befriend a fairy. As a reward, I can grant you a wish..."

THE NEXT DAY

[wellthatwasaletdown]

Hi this is about where Harry said about a flat tummy. It was in Heat magazine in the UK in 2011. It was a print article and not online - but I’ve linked a contemporaneous tumblr quote of it. There’s also some tumblrs reacting to the interview at that time.

He’s asked his favourite body part on a girl and he said “a flat smooth stomach is always nice”. He also mentions that most of his girl friends have been blonde, but a good brunette is always nice.

It’s so funny to read the older, non guarded, interviews. He comes across as cheesy, cringy and not a gender neutral pronoun in sight.

##########

Thanks, anon. Your link was to another blog, and I didn't want to send trolls there. I looked for another source but couldn't find one, so I'm just going to paste the transcript here. If anyone remembers this interview or has a link to it somewhere else, please provide it.

Also, massive grain of salt. It is a transcript of an interview that was supposedly done with Heat Magazine. The original blog who transcribed it deactivated in 2012:

Heat interview with Harry Styles... WEEK FIVE

Heat: What's your nickname?

Harry: Curly.

Heat: Loves?

Harry: Sleep and food. I like fine dining, like at The Ivy - the shepherd's pie there is unbelievable.

Heat: Hates?

Harry: Smoking, drugs, Niall's farting.

Heat: Favourite position?

Harry: Missionary? No, I'm joking.

Heat: Describe yourself naked in just three words...

Harry: A bit disappointing.

Heat: If you were invisible for the day what would you do?

Harry: I'd like to say something cool, but I'd probably run into a girls' changing room at least once.

Heat: Blonde, brunette or redhead?

Harry: Any, really. Most of my girlfriends have been blonde, but a good brunette is always nice.

Heat: Legs, boobs or bum?

Harry: All of them. But I'm more into legs and bums.

Heat: Skinny or curvy?

Harry: Curvy, so there's more to grab on to!

Heat: When did you have your first kiss and who was it with?

Harry: I can't actually remember... I think it was with a girl at school when I was 11.

Heat: Do you have any distinguishing marks on your body?

Harry: I've got four nipples. I think I must have been a twin, but the other one went away and left its nipples behind.

Heat: When were you last naked?

Harry: This morning after my shower, then twice afterwards. [Smiles.] I like these questions - they're a lot more daring then we're used to.

Heat: Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

Harry: I don't know. I do quite like having a girlfriend as it's nice to have someone to spoil.

Heat: Have you ever dumped anyone by text or e-mail?

Harry: If I said "no", I feel like I would be lying. I think I've done it on the phone.

Heat: What's your favourite part of a girl's body?

Harry: Well, a flat, smooth stomach is always nice.

Heat: Where would you take heat on a date?

Harry: Wherever heat would like to go. Maybe we'd go to The Ivy as the food's nice there and it's got a good atmosphere.

Heat: And what would we have for pudding?

Harry: I don't know. Whatever "afters" she'd let me [give her]!

Heat: Rate yourself out of ten for looks, personality and sense of humour...

Harry: For looks, I'll give myself a generous seven. Personality-wise, I'll go for eight, because I'm a hoot! I have an extremely morbid tone, which is very good for being sarcastic. [Laughs.] And as far as a sense of humour goes, I'll give myself a nine.

[medleymisty]

Tagged by the very awesome and cool @nigmos!

are you named after anyone? - My mother has said that she knew a babysitter at some point in her life with my name? I don't know for sure though.

when was the last time you cried? - I can't remember specifically but probably the last time I thought about cats not being happy and safe.

do you have kids? - nope

do you use sarcasm a lot? - No. I don't really get it, being probably somewhere on the autism spectrum. Sometimes I say really obvious sarcastic things and I tell the spousal person, "I was using sarcasm!" to make sure he knows. ;)

what sports do you play/have you played? - None, really?

what's the first thing you notice about other people? - If they're nice or not, I think.

scary movies or happy endings? - Both! I like horror and I also like silly stories that end happily.

eye color? - I think sort of hazel?

any special talents? - I used to be good at writing! The spousal person says I am good at petting cats. :)

where were you born? - North Carolina, US

what are your hobbies? - playing Sims and Elder Scrolls Online, taking pictures, watching Korean dramas with the spousal person because he's probably also on the spectrum and that's been his special interest since 2019, learning about humans and why they do the things they do, listening to podcasts at work about kdramas or debunking pop science or the history of how current cultural myths came to be or about how cults and other high control groups work, and petting cats.

do you have any pets? - Currently we are at 8 cats. In 2014 we found a pregnant stray in our backyard and she had six kittens and we kept the whole family, and there is one surviving member of the four cats we already had when Pixel showed up. Yes, we have approval from our vet, who called once to tell us that we're the best cat caretakers she's seen.

how tall are you? - 5 feet, 7 and a half inches

fave subject in school? - English and science. I actually got better grades in science than English, despite the aforementioned used to be good at writing thing.

dream job? -  The job I've had for...18 years come September. Taking pics and virtual tours of real estate. I get to drive around by myself most of the day, listening to podcasts, and I get to take pictures and see some cool properties and set my own schedule mostly. It's nice.

I tag anyone who wants to answer these questions!

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

Mildly annoyed at my body.

Probably venting. Mostly complaining. Some medical talk.

I kinda want to get a second shift job, but I just got a raise and starting this month, I will be making really good money. Like, double minimum wage money. I don't think I'll be finding that wage anywhere else with no college degree and only 5 years of office experience...

I want to put more of my books on the shelves, the ones still boxed in the living room and the basement. Go through the comics I probably have no real attachment to, maybe offer them up somewhere. Put the books I keep thinking about that somehow didn't get their boxes marked "FAVE" and thus weren't put upstairs when I moved. They're in the basement. I KNOW I have more books by my favorite author. I've been wanting to reread the ones I haven't unpacked.

But I just ate. I can't go up and down the stairs, let alone carrying 2+ boxes and unpacking them. Not to mention, some of them are practically buried in others' boxes... I can't exert myself by moving them around, either. I might be able to reach the ones by the shoe rack, but I don't remember. I can't stand up and bend over to look.

For my stomach AND my back reasons. Ever since I had the neurology appointment, during which they twisted me in ways that made my mostly-fine back start hurting at a Level of 5/10 Again, and when I said it started hurting they kept twisting and asked if it still hurt. Yes! Fuck yes, it hurt WORSE!

And it still hasn't entirely calmed down. The pain now is worse than it was before the appointment. Even two weeks later (or is it three?). Even with lidocaine patches and muscle relaxers. They want me to start steroid shots. (And do physical therapy again, but I already spent most of my PTO built up this year on Sisu's vet appointment and my teeth. I need to build up more hours for things in April, a concert road trip and taking the day of the solar eclipse off because I absolutely REFUSE to miss the eclipse, when I live conveniently RIGHT in the path of totality! I can't take 4 hours off work every week because the PT only has appointments during my work schedule.)

I need to do at-home physical therapy exercises more often anyways, but I can't lay down (let alone lay on my side for 10 minutes) after eating, and by the time my stomach's done making me uncomfortably aware of the food I've eaten, I need to go to sleep.

And tomorrow, I want to watch some panels at an online convention and go grocery shopping and clean the pet cages and shower. Maybe sweep my room and do dishes. I'm still debating if I want to wake up at 10am for a panel on something I've often wondered about (thanks in large part to the name of a roller coaster at Cedar Point), but that will sacrifice about 4 hours of sleep.

Precious sleep. Which is ALWAYS a struggle working first shift. When I worked 3pm to 11pm, I slept for 9 hours every night, no problem. (I was constantly exhausted for Other reasons, but sleep wasn't the problem.) But working first shift? I have to fight my body tooth, nail, and pharmaceuticals to get it asleep before 11pm. Half the time it doesn't happen. The meds make me sleepy, but won't KEEP me asleep.

I take melatonin, L-theanine, herbal supplements (valerian and lemon balm and passionflower and lavender), magnesium citrate, and an anti-depressant and muscle relaxer, all in the desperate hopes that I MIGHT be able to sleep for 8 hours a night. (I struggle with delayed circadian disorder. It's not insomnia, because I can easily fall asleep and stay asleep if it's within my body's natural circadian rhythm. Sleeping about 1-3am, waking about 10:am to noon.)

It isn't the ADHD meds that keep me awake because, once again, due to my stomach being a Little Bitch^tm, I can only take them when I'm having Really Good Days with my stomach. Which is, at most, about 1 in 5 days. It's rare that I CAN take them 2x a week. Let alone every day.

At the core of it, if I didn't work 40 hours a week and didn't have to ride a bus for an hour each way to and from work and didn't have to wake up at 7am every day, I'd have more time and more sleep to endure and work around my stomach's issue with Being Active After Eating, and work around Needing to Sleep or I feel Dead On My Feet.

....though with the raise, maybe I'll be able to get my temps again, and once I get my license, have the budget to start paying for gas and parking downtown...? I figure that's another $200/month, at least, but even if I break even with what my cashflow is NOW, I'd get about 80 minutes of my life back every day. That actually sounds really nice...

But currently, as it stands, my schedule is perpetually packed and my body is perpetually fighting me on doing Anything Ever. =_= Not to mention, the ADHD making it really hard to overcome that executive dysfunction...

It's just frustrating, wanting to do So Much but needing 2 weeks to recover my social battery after being at a wedding for 5 hours. I can't catch up on sleep when my duplex neighbors are massive inconsiderate assholes who blast music every Saturday morning. I want to wake up a little early to hear a really interesting topic discussion tomorrow, but it comes at the cost of spending the entire next week exhausted from sleep deprivation.

Where's the Quality of Life when the amount of life you can live is so small, you can't fit a lot of Doing Things in it anyways?

Worst of all, I've been too exhausted to write, whether that's roleplaying or fic. I'm lucky if I can come up with 5 words for my Pokemon character to tag on a blog post. I can't come up with New Things Happening very often. I really desperately want to continue some Old RPs with Dove, but my brain is fried mush. It's burnt on the outside and just a gooey mess on the inside. I can't jog it enough to Imagine New Things.

I'm not exactly depressive. I'm having fun at the convention this weekend! I'm glad for the 5 words I can scrouge up on the Pokemon RP blog! I'm eating good food and stealing every minute of personal time I can get! I'm watching Teen Titans and ATLA with my roommates once a week! I only have minor complaints with my actual job duties! It's not All bad.

I'm just frustrated that working 40 hours a week is so fucking much to work around that it's a chore all its own to try fitting my life around it without sacrificing sleep health.

Fuck capitalism.

[caluski]

I got an espresso with milk and it was SO cozy, its an artsy cafe with man many paintings including one on the ceiling and drawings and decorations strewn about (think, maximalism, walls covered in art, shelves covered in little decorations and fairy lights etc. But genuine, it wasn't like one of those super Instagrammable things you could tell this was just something someone liked instead of algorithmic coolness)! The drink was very nice, i was sleep deprived so i needed the warmth and the caffeine, and the music was whatever the lady running it put on YouTube. It did a lot of abrupt mood transitions as she queued up songs she liked regardless of cohesion which was very charming tbh! I hung out for a while to gather warmth and good vibes.

Ohhhh milky espresso is such a wonderful thing truly...... And the place sounds heavenly, I love it so much when they put up teeny tiny lights all over the place, it might sound cliche but it's the best thing, something truly unbelievably cozy about it, making you feel so at home and peaceful, with the place bright and lively but also unusually festive, like every silly little boring coffee is an event worthy of celebration, with every order being the most special thing the place could experience... And I love love love places that put up art, whether its some very personal stuff like something staff themselves have made or maybe their friends and family.... or the local artists, like the paintings and photographs and collages bought from universities or small galleries.... Its very lovely and genuine..... And while I feel for you regarding music being "unfit" for a café, I also just like you find it quite charming when staff plays their favorite playlists and albums! It's so adorable because while I usually am armed in my own earbuds in cafés, I also take notice of music playing and it's very cute when baristas and waiters play whatever they like. I think it says a lot about the place, that it's somewhere they feel safe enough in to stray away from some "corporate friendly" royalty free music, and it's specially so adorable when you see them behind the counter, talk about it and laugh and sing along or even switch back and forth to show each other the tracks they like... Its so so so cute.... But yeah I also get it if it's something you personally don't like, it can really throw u off the rhythm.... But it reminds me of when I saw żmijka, the café we stopped by actually seemed to be playing hozier's greatest hits (I assume from spotify) when we popped by.... I think his music, as beautiful and moving as it is, doesn't fit the casual feeling of cafés much, but it was so so so so wonderful because it was just around the time I was exploring his discography for the very first time, and I remember it was just few days after he dropped "de Selby part 2" as a single, but before "unreal unearth", and i remember I kept frowning and whining about it a little bit, but Żmija laughed and said that she remembers I disliked him, because Miłosz also wasn't a fan of his music, and i wondered, ah, is it a transmasc thing, then, such a sudden connection to a stranger.... But obviously, a few weeks later as unreal unearth has dropped, I couldn't just not listen to it, plus I loved that EP of his so much, similarly to Rose I loved "all things end" so very very much, it's such a beautifully moving track...... I think he's very talented, I mean I always knew that, it was more of a "hate the way he's spoken about online" thing, but my goodness...... Anyway, I do miss cafés so much, so so much... I've been living very modestly this past month, I wonder if I could go somewhere tomorrow, have an oat milk cappuccino and raise it to your name dear anon..... For now, I am logging back out, but thank u so much for sharing this, as always, I really appreciate it.... Please support your local non-chain cafés as much as you can, while I personally think the starbuckses and costas and neros look so so beautiful, there is still so much soul and love in the tiny little shops basically run by a few people with a passion..... Love u anon stay good and safe

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

right so that moment has passed and now it turns out i do want to discuss my thoughts in some more detail lmao

like ok to be fair i'm an outsider to all this; i am not and never have been active in cpunk or -adjacent spaces. and i definitely feel like i have not seen the epicenter of this whole drama, since like. in browsing random disability blogs i have in the last week encountered multiple people whose posts for months have been 90% complaining about This Shit, and yet i have not encountered very much of the Shit in question at all?

like. i've seen a whole bunch of posts that go something like, "i can't believe abled NDs* have the gall to call us ableist bullies just for saying that chronic illness and autism are different experiences!", or like, "no matter how clear i make it that i'm talking about physical disability, all my posts end up with a billion notes tagged 'adhd' or 'depression' or whatever. why they gotta make everything about them! let us keep something to ourselves for once!", &/or c. usually in that order. but like... without the obvious middle stage where they argue on their blogs with actual objectors to this "let this be just for us" plea. so like maybe they've deleted most of those posts, or maybe the central example is on some cpunk bnf's blog which i just haven't happened to click on yet. idk. but my point is

that from my outsider's perspective it feels like a huge and sudden escalation? to have gone from "ugh not every post has to be about you; read the actual words i wrote, don't just pretend they said something else that you like better!" to, like, "in case you needed more proof that all abled NDs are ableist scum" rallying-the-troops type posts

and wow! i hate it! i cannot actually imagine a level of vitriol from The Other Side that would justify this bullshit.

i want, like?--i sorta hope that somewhere i've missed there's like, a long manifesto from the aforementioned (hypothetical) cpunk bnf about why they and their friends have suddenly decided that neurodivergent people don't count as disabled. even if i probably wouldn't agree with it, i'm still like. that should exist. you can't just start Asserting stuff like that, at people you know will take offense, without explaining anywhere why you've adopted these different discourse norms.

(or i mean--you can, but if you're not trying to escalate conflict then you really shouldn't.)

but.......... also it makes sense. not morally! but. logically. it seems to be a common problem with any echo-chambery discursive space? i remember when i was ~18-21 and much more Online, i would drink some shiny new kind of SJ koolaid and then forget within weeks that people who hadn't drunk that koolaid didn't know what it tasted like.

e.g. after that post that's like (i'm paraphrasing) "the expression 'boys will be boys' should be replaced with 'bad parenting leads to assholes'" got super popular, for years whenever i heard someone say "boys will be boys" i assumed they were either endorsing or deliberately mocking the sexist baggage with which i associate that phrase. when... no, pal; it's a common phrase. you have zero information about what it signifies in random strangers' minds

so like, i'm guessing that's what's gone on here? like like like, backing up a bit: i sympathize with and frequently feel for myself these people's rancor about mental illness (and, though to a much lesser extent, autism and adhd) being the public face of disability. and particularly the thing where like--

ten or fifteen years ago, when i first encountered awareness-raising activism about mental illness, a lot of it took the form of "you wouldn't download a car"-type comparisons with injury, illness, and/or central examples of physical disability. as in, like, rebuffing "your [mental illness accommodation] is just a crutch!" with "imagine telling someone on actual crutches that they shouldn't rely on a crutch" &c.

when what their intuition told them was about physical vs. mental or visible vs. invisible illness was really more about acute vs. chronic illness.**

and like a. this mistake is very annoying, since it leads to a lot of mentally ill/invisibly ill people assuming incorrectly that physically disabled/visibly ill people don't get doubted and belittled the same way they do, when uhhhh guess again.

but also b. it means that while from my perspective it seems super mega obvious that mental illness is the public face of disability in 2023, many people who care a whole lot about activist efforts on behalf of mental illness but who don't know much about other kinds of disability activism still, erroneously, inexplicably think that the reason they don't see as many campaigns like this for other kinds of disability is because physically disabled people are seen/accepted already and don't need to fight for that the way mentally ill people did/still do.

when like.

...this is such a tiny example but i'm bitter about it so: the other day on my university campus i saw a fundraising booth about support for mental illness. you can't log in to our canvas page without seeing a mental health hotline pop up in the corner. nearly every professor i've had here has at some point gone on a tangent about how important it is to support mental health. many times we've had little impromptu class discussions about the unique struggles faced by people with (always this phrase) "invisible illnesses like depression." my school is really really loud about how much it cares about student mental health.*** and i don't think any of these people know that when i encounter these pronouncements i feel like my own experience has been overlooked

so yes, ok? it pisses me off also when mentally ill/neurodivergent awareness-raisers, activists, and people generally think it's like. an underdog move. punching up, if you will. to reblog posts about chronic pain/other phsyical disability and add "this can apply to mental illness, too!" as if that's a mindblowing revelation to us stuckup, old-guard invalids when like. y-yeah, we know that mental illness also sucks. many of us (raises hand) experience it ourselves, and even if we haven't? we too have seen the internet. the mental illness experience is way more legible to the general public than ours is, so it's really fuckin annoying when people co-opt descriptions of our experience to be about theirs.

but like. the fact you (a physically disabled blogger) have now had this conversation with your (also physically disabled and blogging) friends doesn't mean you get to treat people who weren't in on that conversation like hopeless reactionaries??? this is like me in 2012 seeing the term "friend zone" as a red flag no matter who flew it, even though 2011 me had used that term nonjudgmentally and had no inkling of its entitled/sexist undertones.

like i can remember the exhaustion of communicating with waves of internet strangers who can't be bothered to backread your blog a few pages before commenting on some viral post but. th-that is the thing that's occurring here?? multiple waves of people who, each, individually, see something that without context looks inflammatory. not one wave of pigheads who refuse to listen.

*their term, not mine. don't like this at all myself. see previous post

**though to be fair, i don't doubt that plenty of otherwise-healthy people have been accused of "attention seeking" even for, like, a sprained ankle. or for still audibly sniffling when they come back to work after having had the flu. some people are just....? dicks? just dicks. if you can imagine a bad behavior, it's probably common somewhere.

****does this decrease the rate of mental illness in our student body? hahahaha no, probably not

[look-a-ghost]

rant about True Detective (Season 1 vs Night Country) follows below, bc i don't have anywhere else to post this so it's going here now (it is long and incoherent so dont say i didn't warn you)

i can't think of a tv show i've been more ashamed of falling madly in love with than the first season of True Detective

i suppose i couldn't have known at the time, and it was a confluence of various things that made it as exciting/captivating/whatever as it was to me back then (i think that was probably the saturation point of my enjoyment of edgy antiheroic tv nonsense), many of those things which have nothing to do with the guy who wrote it (who seems to be coming across lately as an enormous prick)

it's slightly cold comfort to see folks attributing some of the most memorable parts of that season to other writers as well (Thomas Ligotti, Alan Moore), and obviously credit goes to Fukunaga and the actors who made the characters as memorable as they were...

it just felt in some ways like the writing was kind of on the wall in terms of the ultra-machismo, (retrospectively) high school nihilism of TD S1 and also of his novel Galveston, which I read whilst being swept up in the wave of TD fan fervor, and on the one hand it can be pretty crass to dismiss a work out of hand just because its subject matter/thematic overtones deal with edgy machismo nonsense, but in this case i guess it telegraphed the author's intent and personality rather transparently...

there were other red flags along the way in terms of Pizzo having clashed with Fukunaga on set and being petty about it afterwards... and, again, perhaps it's unfair to believe that someone's personal political beliefs are an indicator of their capacity to behave in a moral way, but it feels like in this day and age we're kind of getting to that point now lmao and i remember seeing posts about the kind of political beliefs the guy could very well have had... which again, somehow doesn't surprise me.

so the fact that he's melting down in this embarrassing man-baby fashion, and also the fact that he doesn't seem to have put out any successful work of much note well after the success of TD S1 feels a little telling? like. y'know. be a shit person, achieve shit results?

having said all of this, I am also sort of mystified by the discourse around TD Night Country. I've spent more time looking on Reddit than I care to admit in recent months, and the demographic there seems to skew quite heavily against NC. Likewise the online critical discourse seems to vacillate between glowing (respected reviewers whose opinions I've historically trusted, eg. Sepinwall, have said that NC had "the best finale in the series' history") and dismissive as well (that guy from Forbes who does a bunch of video game coverage seemed to REALLY hate this season??) and I think I personally fall somewhere leaning towards the former but not entirely? Like. It felt like a perfectly decent series of TV! It was cool! It wasn't SENSATIONAL, it didn't captivate me in the same way S1 captivated my then-20-year-old lizard brain, but it was doing some really interesting things with some really interesting characters...

As Pizz himself has already very crudely and dismissively said, it would be too easy to attribute a lot of the hate from the online, male-nerddom-leaning quadrants of the internet to simple misogyny... I do wonder if that is the entire story here though. The only way I could take it further than simply "INCEL BOYS HATE WOMEN" is that the two lead characters in NC are actually portrayed as actively unlikeable in multiple different respects, and I am not sure if something in that conscious decision to present those two characters as having repellent behaviors and choices was simply too alien for a contingent of people who are used to the boys being the edgy dark brooding transgressing antiheroes?

it would be a little weird to attribute the fan vitriol to simply brigading on Pizz's behalf as well, since he hasn't really done anything to match the level of critical acclaim in the 10 years since TDS1 was released... I don't know how many of the angry nerds online are aware of the fact that NC was made by an entirely different showrunner too, but i'm guessing it's a not-insignificant amount.

It could also be a poisoned combination of both misogyny and anti-wokeness (whatever the fuck that means); perhaps it was too big of a bridge to cross for people to stomach a show with two female leads who are partially unlikeable, at least one of whom is BIPOC, and is carrying a very clearly left-leaning message of "corporations bad, pollution bad, cops corrupt, racism/misogyny latent across society". In that way, perhaps the show came across as some kind of """""woke pandering""""" cocktail? And again, maybe the Reddit people/Forbes guy who try very hard to come across as the "reasonable" folks and not the clearly repressed/prejudiced/vitriolic sort are just unwilling to admit that they are subconsciously succumbing to these biases...

I have no idea. I don't think the show was bad enough to warrant hate from people who claim outwardly to not be affected by misogynist/anti-left tendencies, but I don't know how else to square it. It's just weird!