#disorseic

[vocalux]

A flag/identity for a cis disabled person who really wishes/and feels like they shouldn’t be disabled

And vice versa, a flag/identity for someone who is cis disabled but feels like they should be worse

(I’m not asking this in a mean way it’s just kinda how I feel)

— nulldisabled [ null-disabled ]

when an individual is disabled but does not want to be / identifies as not being disabled !

— disorsec [ dis-orse-ic ]

when an individual is disabled and wants / identifies with being worse !

— i think this already has another name , but since im bad at finding things , i made my own !

[furiousgoldfish]

When you’re raised in an abusive family, it doesn’t feel like you’re a victim of something, not while it’s happening. Instead, you feel like you’re not doing a good enough job dealing with what’s presented to you as ‘normal’. It feels like you’re overly sensitive and need to learn how to be more tough, like you’re whiny and spoiled and deserve to feel bad about yourself. Like ‘tough love’ and constant criticism, threats and put downs is what is needed to fix you, like only thing that can make you better is more pain and more hatred.

Abusive parents work very hard so you wouldn’t be able to recognize abuse; they will make sure you believe that what they’re giving you is love. They’ll even make you feel like they believe it’s love, like they are so sure they’re helping you with all of the hatred and neglect and violence, like they’re worried about you when they’re forbidding you any privacy, freedom or skills, like they’re simply not able to do any better, when they make you suicidal.

And they don’t stop there; they convince you that everyone else has it worse, that you’re ‘lucky’ to have them, that other children are beaten worse, starved out, abandoned, homeless. They tell you horror stories about how you’d be dying on the street without them, how grateful you need to be. They threaten you with how bad you’d have it in an orphanage or a home. They give you anecdotes of children being treated worse, in order to terrify you.

So you don’t know that you have it bad. You don’t know that you have human rights that far precede being fed and sheltered. You look around convinced, that everyone’s home life as as bad as yours, they’re just somehow taking it better. They’re somehow still grinning and acting normal and keeping it together, they’re less anxious, less scared, less inclined to sink into darkness. You don’t know how they do it, and you feel inferior, stuck, left behind. You don’t know what’s wrong with you, why can’t you just be like everyone else, and deal with ‘normal home life’ as well as they do. Why can’t you talk to your parents like you love them, like everyone else does. How is everyone else so much better at being tough, brave, enduring, strong, and hopeful.

And abusive parents will dismiss your every thought and feeling that recognizes the reality of what you’re living in. It doesn’t matter if you’re having anxiety and trauma symptoms so bad you’re barely able to function, they’ll call it whining. It doesn’t matter if you secretly self harm only to ease the amount of inner pain and shame you’re feeling, they’ll call it ‘attention seeking’. It can be panic attacks, eating disorders, ocd, dissociative disorders, flashbacks, nightmares, fight-or-flight reactions, it will all be dismissed as you being ‘dramatic’, ‘playing the victim’ or ‘making a drama for nothing’. You could be close to death and your abusive parents would dismiss it as your own fault.

Because nothing is more important to them than covering up their abuse and making you feel insane for trying to point it out. Nothing stops them in forcing their own hateful perspective on a child they abused. There is no compassion or decency to acknowledge that they hurt you, you could be dying and they would accuse you of doing it on purpose to spite them. There is no place in their hearts for you. There is nothing they couldn’t spin to depict you as a spoiled, selfish, vengeful monster, in order to spin the reality of what happened in their own favour.

They’re waging a war against a child they had out of their own volition, and were responsible to take care of. They declare the war on your sanity the second they hurt you and tell you that it’s fine, that you’re okay, that you need to shut up so nobody else can hear and get ‘the wrong idea’. They taught you that abuse is love from the start, and seeing the consequences of abuse on you, they double down and insist it’s still love, it’s still normal, it’s still good, it’s just you who is the problem. They didn’t do anything wrong. You who is taking ‘love’ the wrong way. You who doesn’t understand that they’re ‘human’ and ‘did their best’. As if they acknowledged you as a human being even once during your entire life.

Much of your childhood consisted of your parents lying to you in order to avoid you realizing you’re being abused. It makes you spend decades thinking that you’re crazy, delusional, oversensitive, imagining things, acting whiny or dramatic for no good reason, experiencing symptoms for no reason, no events that caused it, all while being completely alone in your pain, unable to ask for support, because ‘nothing bad happened’. It can bring shame to your every feeling, make you feel like you’re not allowed to even experience your own feelings. It makes you doubt your memories, your senses, your own instincts, because you’re shamed and punished for believing yourself, for imagining that you were right to express any of it.

That’s why it’s so hard to get out of it. It’s hard to even dare to believe yourself, with how high the stakes are for you parents, and by extension, for your own life. You’re not dumb or gullible for struggling to acknowledge this, nobody wants to believe this could be going on in their life. Nobody wants to see their parents as villains, if there’s any other option available. And nobody wants to believe their parents capable of this level of cruelty. Nobody wants to know that they were raised by people who felt nothing while psychologically torturing a child.

[irkenheretic]

had a dream where there was a whole thread on reddit calling anarchisma mid because it was overly edgy and just weird unexplained events and i had to honest to god get on reddit and explain that it was weird unexplained events because only one canonical installment existed and it was in the prolouge. which honestly is par for the course on reddit so i did not realize it was a dream till i woke up

[wannabe-skinny-kitten]

Today's been a really shitty day. Depression and panic attacks all day. Had to take meds for the panic attacks. And I have been binging through the whole day.

[speedlimit15]

yeah the doctor said i have bpd. best personality disorser

[schizoid-culture-is]

Questioning SZPD culture is GOOD NEWS! Friends are respecting my needs and don't mind when I disappear for days, they don't even know about my possible disorser, guess they got used to it. I'm happy. :)

—🦈🪽

-

[liveleaker]

eating disorsers as a boy are fucked cause i can simontainiously feel like shit for being built like a shrimp compared to other men and also feel like the fattest fuck in the world

[pageofheartdj]

I do not understand how people can just write and read articles that are basicllay 'how to hurt a person with a personality disorser?'

This sounds so ghoulish.

Imagine doing the same with less stigmatized disorders?

'How to push depressed person into self-harm? How to cause an autistic person to have a meltdown? How to overwhelm a person with ADHD so they can't perform tasks?'

Does this sound normal to people??

[wereviolet]

Yeah I got ASD

Awesome

Sloppy

Disorser

[mr-magoriums-im-sorry-emporium]

Here's the quote about how "clinical narcissists" are "evil.""Oh Simon. Simon is a clinical narcissist. He absolutely can’t stand to be wrong, so he rewrites everything in his mind. “I’m always right, therefore everyone who disagrees with me is wrong. And if I’m always right, literally all my actions are justified.” But clinical narcissists are also very caring, provided you live by their rules. If physically abusive, they’re the type who say, “Why do you make me hit you?” Like in "The Origami Car," [Alex Horab] has him saying, “You made me do this. I liked what we had.” Or in "The New Apex" by [Justin Michael], he says, “Why would I want to change when I’m always right?” It’s just the saddest thing. If you don’t think you need help and you’re always right, how can you ever get better? That’s why Simon dies. Needing to be right is a cancer.Simon is a teenage villain in Infinity Train for reference.

WH?MMQHAT?????MWHAT?????

> DIES

> TEENAGE??????

DIES??? DEAD BOY. LITTLE DEAD MENTSLLYILL BOY. WITH QUPTES THAT SWIMG BACK ND FORTH BETWEEN "HES EVIL" AND "OOOO POOR PITYFUL THING MARCSISCCM IS A CURST"

and ifu wanted a tragic npd villain yea fifffffineeeeeeeeee but why HE has to die? why is he evil? my fiance is sad and he says "how can someone say that someone suffering like that is evil?" the way simon seems to b written is like hes doing this on purpose. hes a mentally ill TEENAGER A. CHILD!!! A CHILD!!! LEFT TO DIE???? BECAUSE HES BEYOND HELP TM

also "im always right so i need to justify whagever" is a part of npd but its not even like. the main part. u probanly found me from the cluster b culture post so i bet u hsve npd and im.preaching to the chroiir but like. me nd everyone i know with npd suffers so mucjb from this shit ass disorder (a friend of mine nd i were talling abt hpw pwnpd are like. stupid easy ti abuse bc our need for Attentiom and Validation cam verrrry easily be used against us loopllololol) npd at its core is lkke. we were ignored and shat on so we need to be gassed up constsntly or we will fall into a hell pit of despair that can MAKE US WANT TO KILLOURSELVES whoch is where the justification comws from. sword od damocles ass disorser. i hate demonization od npd i nees to write my two serieses with npd protagonists (one of them teenahe!!!) so it wont be as shit out there

[haretic]

dear diary

last month, i was in a really toxic relationship. i spent the entire summer bandaging his cuts for him, shoving aside my own issues to deal with his and not getting a single hand back from him. towards the end of the relationship he even started belittling my issues. I've been self harming for ten years (since I was six or seven), and had various eating disorsers my whole life (ARFID from childhood to present, anorexia from about a year ago to now). He started accusing me of copying him. He started accusing me of using him for "cut inspo" (despite the fact we cut using different materials in different locations at different depths) when i would shove everything aside to take care of him. When I was constantly bringing my first aid kit to him. Ditching family and friends to clean him up. All the while dealing with my own intense self harm issues. I don't want to powerscale ever or make it seem like I'm doing that now, but I was struggling so much more than he ever acknowledged, and it only got worse and worse the more he ignored and belittled my issues and kept insisting *verbatim* that he was "worse" than me, even getting mad at me when I couldn't quit because he legitimately wanted to be the only one in the relationship with these issues and said as much to me. alongside that, my month has just been so utterly shitty. I have to frequently take the bus with my groomer and his incestuous brothwr that he forced upon me and they always sit and laugh at me. It feels like my life is falling apart, and due to the past partner, i feel like i have no right to be upset about it. I feel like I have no right to self harm and that i'm not "really" swlf harming and i'm just doing it for attention and to feel special when there are people like him out there who "genuinely" struggle worse than me.

I've attempted twice this month just to feel like I'm "bad enough" and in some sick way to make myself "worse" than him, but because of him i stopped telling people about my issues (which helps me with the "attention seeking" aspect, it makes me realize that i'm not doing it for attention but at the same time i crave for someone to notice and care which makes me feel worse), no one even knows, which makes me feel like they don't care. Its a vicious disgusting cycle I just can't seem to break and it feels like its all my fault for letting myself trust him. I don't know where my head is at anymore, it feels like i constantly switch between "get worse to prove him wrong" or "get better to spite him" or "forget about him, he was shitty anyways" or "just kill yourself because you're just seeking attention right now" and i don't know what to do. I feel stuck.

im sorry for the ramble, this was just a word salad of what i'm feeling at two in the morning and was incredibly hard to manage to put into words so it likely makes no sense. thanks for readinf anyways, if you did. lots of love

[biologyologyy]

my beauifful princess with a disorser...

[asm5129]

PCOS stands for PolyCystic Ovadian Syndrome: its cause is unknown and is currenty understood as an endocrine/metabolic disorder. the main diagnostic criteria for PCOS is ovarian cysts, high androgen levels, and an unstable menstruation cycles - two out of three being required. signs include mood swings, irregular periods, masculine physical traits (hirsutism/excess body hair, male pattern baldness, etc.) insulin resistence (leads to type 2 diabetes for half of PCOS havers by 50) therefore weight gain and infertility. there is also a link to immunocompromisation due to the impact on estrogen production and eating disorser complications. PCOS being an intersex disorder is currently controversial, points being the mistaken belief that being female or a woman and being intersex are mutually exclusive, and that it is an endocrine/metabolic disorder rather than a disorder of sex organs' development. points for PCOS being intersex include the traits naturally caused by high androgen levels, often being pressured into taking progesterone/estrogen to normalize hormone levels regardless of the patients needs, and the lived experience of visibly not being 100% conforming as female.

thanks!

[norteenlinea]

Disorsed lanza su segundo trabajo discográfico “Sin Control”

http://dlvr.it/T3zkdS

[chipadequeso]

SORRY FOR CONSTANRLY ASKING IF YOU GUYS HATE ME AND WANT ME TO KILL MYSELF I HAVE FEAR OF EVERYONE HATING ME AND WANTING ME TO KILL MYSELF DISORSER

[lovehymndead]

Bipokar disorser is heavenly i love Rapid cycling i love planning out every little detail of my suicide and then waking up from my stupor and suddenly everything is ok again and i can do everything and anything Love and light. Fucking torture chamber