#discontinued snacks

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #102

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily (haven't missed one yet!) and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please like and reblog if you enjoy - the notes keep me going!

Reggie barged in unannounced as Clint sat on the couch with his laptop, drafting an email.

“Clint! Clint! You’re not gonna believe this!”

“What?”

“They’re back!” He dumped a grocery bag onto the coffee table, forming a mountain of snacks.

“Oh my God,” Clint said, sorting through the pile. He pulled out a flat, rigid package. “Cereal Straws! I always loved these!”

“And Oreo Cakesters! Remember them?”

“Yeah, weren’t they banned for being full of trans fat?”

“I think so, yeah,” he took a large bite of one. “But I’m pretty sure they just use palm oil now.”

“Nice!” Clint crunched into a Froot Loop Straw. “This takes me back, man. Even the way it coats the roof of my mouth in some kinda wax.”

“For real, dude. Classic.”

Clint searched the pile again. “Hey, weren’t there any of the Apple Jacks ones? Those were my favorite.”

“Sorry, I didn’t see any.”

“The Cocoa Krispies ones weren’t even that good. Why’d they bring back those instead of the Apple Jacks ones?”

Reggie shrugged.

Clint leaned back and pondered. “You know what I wish they’d bring back? Yogos. Remember those?”

“Aw, hell yeah! Those were the best! My mom used to put them in my lunch every day back in Elementary school. But you know what was even better?”

“What?”

“Chocodiles.”

“Never heard of ‘em.”

“You - what?!? Bro, you missed out! Okay, listen, basically it’s a Twinkie, right? But they cover it in chocolate.”

“So?”

“It stays moist, man! The chocolate holds in all the moisture so it doesn’t get stale!”

“Don’t Twinkies last forever?”

“That’s a myth. They start going stale right out of the factory. But Chocodiles don’t. They were goddamn magic. I’d kill for one right now.”

“So… they’re like, your chocolate-covered white whale, huh?”

“Pretty much.”

“I get it. Life hasn’t been the same for me since Altoids Sours were discontinued.”

“Now that I think about it, though…” Reggie stared off into the distance. “There was one snack that really had an impact on me.”

“What was it?”

“Goldfish-flavored Goldfish.”

“You mean… the original flavor? The plain ones? They still make those.”

“No. Goldfish-flavored. They tasted like goldfish. Like the pet, the actual fish.”

Clint grimaced and squinted at Reggie. “You’re fucking with me, right?”any

“No. No, I definitely had them. My mom got them for me after my goldfish died. She said we had to mail him to the Pepperidge Farm upstate so they could turn him into crackers. So he could live forever inside me.”

Clint muttered under his breath. “What the fuck…”

“The crackers came in a package shaped like a coffin. But it was made out of paper, and it had that foil on the inside - you know the foil, right? On the inside of a bag of Goldfish?”

Clint nodded, his eyes wide.

“I opened the package and the first thing I remember was the smell. That smell will stick with me for the rest of my days. It’s almost like walking into a fish market, or a sushi restaurant, but with something else mixed in. Maybe the flour, or the riboflavin…”

“Death?” Clint asked.

“Maybe. Anyway… I ate the whole package, then and there. It took me an hour. My mom wouldn’t let me have water, because she said it might wake him up inside my belly if I drank it. And we couldn’t wake him up before he was all together in my stomach. So I kept eating the crackers.”

“Dude…”

“I began to feel ill halfway through. I wanted to stop, to give up. I thought I might vomit. But then, my goldfish would have been gone forever. Trapped in the void between life and death, wedged between worlds, somewhere in the space between. I started hallucinating - the crackers swam in front of me like I was swimming in a fish tank myself. I realized I was smiling, and the snacks smiled back.”

Clint held his stomach. He too felt ill.

“Tears rolled down my face as I chomped down on each and every last cracker. That was the last of him. My goldfish was gone. He would be part of me forever. Forever, Clint! Have you any idea how long that is to go without something?!?”

“What do you mean?”

“For long years, I have hungered for it! For that missing essence, that exotic flavor I only ever tasted in those Goldfish-flavored Goldfish! I need it! If you think that flavor was death…? Then I must taste death!”

“You - y- you’re scaring me, man!” Clint wedged himself in the corner of the couch. He’d never been this terrified.

Reggie shook his head and grinned, chuckling as tears formed in his eyes. “Don’t be scared, Clint.” He pulled out his pocket knife. “You’ll like it at the Pepperidge Farm.”

[milomaxxy]

You know what I never see in nostalgic discontinued drink/snack posts, that absolutely should be included?

Vault. It was this energy drink/soda that was citrussy like Squirt, but there was a cherry flavor that was equally good imo. I used to drink Vault like every time I'd get a drink at the gas station lol, and when they discontinued it I was devastated. My autistic ass was damn near having meltdowns bc they discontinued my go-to drink for when we'd be on the go and pop in at the gas station for drinks.

Like, I'd genuinely walk on acorns while barefoot for another bottle of Vault lol

[sometranssoup]

When I was younger,I had a friend a few years older than me who was obsessed with a snack he tried once,but,he couldn't remember the name for the life of him. I guess one day,he did some research on it. He came back to lunch,sat down with the biggest grin on his face 'theyre fruit string things!'. And we all made fun of him bc we didn't believe they were actually called that. Sorry Richie.

[digital-vic]

these were hype. i miss these. they were my favorite flavor :( barcel bring them back!!!

[littlevampie222]

I may or may not be a little teary eyed because after all of these years of thinking I was losing my mind... I FINALLY found proof in the existence of these!!!! (And what the actual name of them was).

Gosh, in '98/'99 I LOOOOVED these! And then they were just gone suddenly and I felt crazy trying to describe them and find out about them online. I've looked for years!

I even just found an old commercial for them! (Which is what made me a little teary eyed).

The Rainbow (sprinkles) ones were my favorite and I feel like I can still kinda taste them to this day when I think of them. Gosh, why did all of the best stuff from our childhoods have to go away? Keebler, I want these back! 👏🏻

[retroness-is-fabulous]

[nostalgia-folder]

Kissables

[milkboxgalore]

Lady Gaga Oreos

[deadgirlsam]

nooooo i'm so sorry your travels were so tiring :((( you were so missed though!! i hope you can rest up so so well my sweets!!

-mari @prentissluvr

MARÍ hi hellooo !! ^_^ ♡♡ it was very exhausting but that's mostly our fault lol since we did 3 umrahs while we were there (one of them during the weekend .... it was sososo busy T_T)

i've missed you and tumblr so much ... we didn't have data there sadly :( but yes i'm forcing us to take a rest rn till we feel better ^.^ !! thank you marí !!

[edge-oftheworld]

honestly I’m never a person to fall for a celebrity endorsement of any product but I’m only now realising that the vegetarian meat pies were exactly that. they became a staple in my diet and now I can’t find them anywhere and I’ve genuinely never been so devastated about any food item luke please do your magic and bring the pies back

[worldofedd]

[🔥] "Alright alright alright...We're talking discontinued foods? Two words:

"SNACK. WRAPS!"

"Those things absolutely slapped, and yet they took them away from us! They keep saying they're bringing them back, time and time again. Well where are they? Where are they Mickey D's?! Ya giving me HUGE foodie blue balls here!"

But Blaze...you don't have balls...

[picory]

saddest part about growing up for me is the inability to eat any more sweets. everything in stores, from cookies to candies, has SOOOO much sugar, it hurts to eat. i barely even buy that stuff anymore. i prefer to bake for myself, but that takes time and energy o<-< sigh

[ceruleanterrapin]

Off bands have saved the day once again

[prettyheartentangle]

[erythromanc3r]

Sick with want for a thing that just doesn’t exist anymore ☺️💘

[papaziggy-devblog]

Can anything the killer said, when not obviously screwing with us, be used as reliable evidence? 👀

Yes

And no

Sadly they wouldn't really take u to McDonald's for ur last meal